#sc is just peachy

[b1zmuth]

The Mishaps of SITE:DD | Obey Me! x Reader

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[File 2] \\ 5K words

SC \\ Monsters, gore, the SCP foundation, you date everyone ig… slight angst but with a happy ending, fluff, sci-fi, experimenting, mentioned suicide, everyone is a little off their rocker, you are NOT innocent!! I'll add more tags later..

TL;DR - Think the SCP Foundation, but you are the researcher who unfortunately gets assigned to Seven Keter classified objects. 

EXTREME TW's : graphic depictions of vomiting and death smelling objects + small suicide mentioning // be extremely wary of this when reading! thanks!

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Oh, brother.

Now you were seriously in for it.

Just imagine; you decided to take a risky gamble on some paperwork that you didn't read thoroughly- ended up signing some… papers, that ended up with you viciously hurling the contents of your lunch right back up your windpipe and into the toilet.

Seriously! You were so screwed- unbelievably at that.

Due to your risky signage of those papers, you accidentally signed off on volunteering with a partner for ‘’SCP EXPERIMENTATIONS’’, which translated to ‘’Oh yeah btw we don't have enough on-fielders to sacrifice so heres a volunteering sheet with 4x the pay if you sign up and you have zero guarantee of not being assigned to a keter class so if you sign off on this your kinda fucked ngl lmao’’

And there goes another chunk of your overpriced egg and cheese sandwich.

‘’You are expendable.’’

‘’Fuck. Fuck. FUCK! I should have never took- that f-FUCKING risk, of course, Jesus Christ himself damns me to an early d-death by being slaughtered by a SCP. just fantastic! I should start writing a will- yes, yes! Write a will… but to who? I don't have any family… oh fuck me! Everything seems to get worse by the second in this hellhole!’’ You practically whisper-shouted at yourself, causing anyone who happened to pass by the private bathroom to start questioning your mental sanity- your hot tears and snot dripping down your face and dropping into the toilet, causing your somewhat visible reflection to ripple in the murky water- the ringing in your ears seeming to increase in volume with every shaky breath you managed to suck in.

“If only you didn’t take that risk. You know, this is all your fault.’’

You looked at your messy reflection, watching your own reflection slowly ripple into an undistinguishable mess of swirls and blobs of food- the pungent smell filling your nostrils and causing you to gag and quickly back up away from the toilet, a cold sweat rushing all over your body. ‘’Maybe you're right. It is my fault.’’ you let the tears fall once more, not even attempting to wipe your face for some type of decency if someone were to walk in.

‘’This is my penance for what I’ve done.’’ ‘’This is your penance for what you’ve done.’’

. . . Everything is getting brighter- so bright. Is this real life? . .

The door to the bathroom opens and quickly shuts- a mess of a purple and peachy-colored blob rushes in and kneels in front of you- waving a tanned…something, that you couldn’t even make out somewhere near your face- the ringing in your ears masking the already muffled voice of the purple blob- ‘’MC? God, it reeks in here- are you okay?’’

What did that walking grape say to you? This damn ringing almost wouldn't even allow the reverberated sounds of your heavy breathing to make it to your ears- you can forget about it if anyone said anything outside of your ear-’’MC! Shit- we might have to get a medic- SOLOMOOON! COME QUICK!’’

While the purple-colored grape desperately used any method to get you responsive, your mouth opened and closed repeatedly, as if you were trying to speak, but nothing audible would come out, much to your frustration, the blob still didn't catch your goldfish movements even with the way you were tugging and pulling borderline anything to catch its attention- the light was getting brighter, and your vision was starting to turn red..you guessed you wouldn’t have long before…whatever this was put you out of your misery- so in a last-ditch effort, you put all your energy into screaming your final words.

‘’TELL THIRTEEN THAT I ENTRUST EVERYTHING TO HER!’’ . . . Wow. Well, at least your figurines wouldn’t end up in a Goodwill somewhere in Timbuktu.

And that was the last thing you said, or well, what YOU remember saying before you promptly blacked out and fully embraced your incoming divine judgment and thirty-minute express Uber to the deepest pits of Hell.

The only setback to this heavenly gift was that you woke up in one of the facility med bays, the blinding white light fooling you into thinking that one of the angels in heaven accidentally ordered the wrong Uber and sent you to the wrong place, until you rubbed your eyes and noticed that you were, in fact, not in heaven- but in the one place you had been begging Jesus to take the wheel and lead you directly out of this shithole.

You groaned at the sight, nearly tearing up at the notion that you had just passed out, and didn’t suddenly keel over and die in Thirteen’s bathroom. Fuck!

Mentally cursing at the higher being that stopped you from leaving your misery, you swung yourself out of bed and made a straight B-line for the nearest exit- ‘’Uh, excuse me?! Your supposed to be in bed and resting!’’ you heard a shrill and child-like voice speak from behind you, making you turn around in surprise to reveal a blonde-haired boy with blue eyes dressed in a regular doctoral outfit- and wait just a second, now that you look at him… that's a not a boy but a whole ass KID?? My god and you thought this place was bad enough- this was just downright wrong, alongside the numerous violations of public safety and multiple HIPPA violations, having child labor added to the tall order of lawsuits would NOT look so pretty on paper- maybe it really was time to start looking for a casket..

‘’Cmon! Back to bed!’’ The blonde ordered, watching you sluggishly walk back to your bed and settle in before you turned your head and stared at him for a solid 30 seconds before he finally got uncomfortable and spoke up again- ‘’Dah! Quit staring at me! If you're really that bothered by my appearance, I'm actually thousands of years older than you!’’ he looked at you with an annoyed look and pulled up a chair next to your bed.

‘’Okay, so what I'm hearing here is that you look like a whole child, and act like one too- but supposedly you are thousands of years old…yeahhh, I don't buy it.’’ You shook your head at the kid, watching how he looked at you with utter disbelief and shock, his body lurching forward- ‘’I- You do work here, or did the impact from your head hitting the bottom of Miss Thirteen’s bathroom floor scramble your brain THAT bad?’’ the boy smirked at you before he triumphantly sat back in his seat- totally oblivious to the seething person in front of him.

You weren't going to argue with this kid anymore- the blinding whites of this room were going to drive you insane if you didn't make a hasty dash to the nearest exit within the next MINUTE.

‘’Anyways, let's go back to square one- my name is Luke, I'm an angel that was recruited by the foundation to heal injured workers!’’ He flashed you a bright smile before he got a small pack of sweets out of his pocket and handed them to you- ‘’These are medicated sweets, they’ll help ease any pain your blackout may cause later on, I highly recommend that you take one now that your fully awake.’’ you nodded your head and thanked him for the sweets, popping a wing-shaped cookie into your mouth- feeling the sugary taste of the cookie practically melt inside of your mouth, surprisingly, with no hint of medication in it- ‘’..so, Luke, how long have I been out?’’

‘’About a day, Simeon was looking after you for most of it.’’ Luke responded, tilting his head to the side as he shot a nervous smile at your terrified face- ‘’I’ll bring you a cold towel..’’ . . . . . ‘’And then I assume you blacked out…again, which led up to now- when you're finally awake… Should I buy you some nausea medicine?’’ A worried Thirteen asked you, starting to rise out of the chair Luke was previously sitting in before you passed out for the second time- ‘’Y’know, being an On-Fielder isn't as bad as your making it out to be- just look at me and Solomon for example, yes, he is a complete and utter dumbass…BUT! He wouldn’t hurt me even if i tore him limb from limb.’’ She said, giving you a gentle smile as she held your hand in hers- to which you just shook your head at the gesture.

You gave her a small giggle- ‘’The way you looked like you fought a fully grown bear two weeks ago would say otherwise- and you say he wouldn’t hurt you.’’

‘’You're not getting the point here, MC! Im saying that there's no guaranteed chance that you’ll end up with a shitty anomaly-’’ you cut off Thirteen, ‘’But there's a possibility, right? As if! I've lived the past six years, somewhat, unscathed! I’d rather not be turned into a smear on the wall by some random beedogcat hybrid thing!’’ you lurched forward and told Thirteen, who just responded with a loud sigh- ‘’You practically stressing yourself half to death worrying about getting an anomaly that could quite literally just be Safe or Elucid!’’ She shook her head and gestured towards Luke, who was floating towards the both of you with a certain look on his face.

‘’MC- Simeon just dropped off this package for you, he says HR wants a confirmation soon..’’ he looked worried as he handed the yellow package to you, running off towards the office of the med-bay to, presumably, fetch you some more medicine for your upcoming blackout.

You now held the package in your hands, gingerly running the tips of your fingers alongside the edges of it, before you shot a desperate look at Thirteen- ‘’Im gonna be so pissed if you did allat yapping in my ear just for me to be assigned a Keter class.’’ you said before you opened the package and read the contents.

SCP EXPERIMENTATION | RESULTS . . . Thank you for volunteering for [SCP EXPERIMENTATION], MC, [REDACTED]

We value your humble contribution towards a new dawn with the substitution of a looming threat to humanity as a whole, and the contribution towards further research into the nature and behaviors of SCPs.

After careful consideration and sorting of MC, [REDACTED]’s personal file, your results have culminated to bring out your full potential as an [EXPERIENCED] On-Field Researcher, and your SCP’s full potential as an addition.

Your SCP’s details are listed below.

Item #: SCP-6667 Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-6667 is highly dangerous and any movement and/or action needs to be exercised with extreme caution due to its ██████████████, ███████-███████, ███ ████ ██….…

We sincerely hope that you and your newfound SCP further our push for research and safety with SCPs, and with your considerable predicted efforts, your pay will follow suit. Please be ready to meet your newfound subject(s) at a.m. 0300 hours from the moment you receive your package. - Matt, from HR.

* NOTE: The SCP Foundation is not liable for any on-site accidents or injuries via Non-SCP Anomalies. personnel loved ones are required to claim liabilities through a Personal Insurance Firm. (PIF)

It felt like your mouth was stuck agape as you stared at the paper in horror- constantly reading over the same word like it was a religion to you; Keter, Keter, Keter Keter, Keter, Keter, Keter, Keter, Keter. A fucking Keter.

A Keter class. The damn near kill-on-sight class which few researchers ever, and you meant- a few EVER survived. You would have already been pushing your luck if you made it out on the first DAY in one piece- let alone surviving another encounter with that class.

YOU. had been assigned to a Keter.

Starting to hyperventilate you desperately tried to clamor out of your bed- only to find yourself restrained to the bed with brown leather belts. And even as you screamed for Thirteen to help you out, she only stared at you with a blank expression on her face before the corners of her lips slowly curled into a toothless smile- ‘’You are expendable.’’ ..what?

Her body starts to curl on itself- her eyes now becoming soulless and morphing into pits of the void, her smile still being toothless and making you feel uneasy whenever you looked into it- ‘’You are a disgusting human being.’’ you heard her talk to you…but her mouth never seemed to move? You were suddenly startled by her neck stretching inhumanely long, long enough to the point where her nose started brushing up against your own, her mouth that was too close for comfort permeating the gut-wrenching stench and displeasure of death, that same smell that you swore you had gotten used to.

“If only you didn’t take that risk. You know, this is all your fault.’’ Her mouth stretched open, the stench getting worse and worse until you started dry heaving due to it- your eyes betraying your mind and the rest of your body as it gazed into the inhumanly stretched mouth of the former friend you called ‘’Thirteen’’, and you screamed as you finally saw what laid inside of its throat- a pale hand, which adorned yellow painted nails, emerged from the back of its throat desperately trying to claw its way towards you- ‘’No. No. no-NO! This isn't real- THIS ISNT FUCKING REAL!’’ you screamed now trying any possible way to get out of your restraints, thrashing back and forth to wiggle your way out, sweat now adorning your body like a heavy winter coat, your hair stuck to your face while your eyes stayed glued on the thing that you once called your friend- your breathing getting harder and harder as you took in more of the putrid smell of death-

And then it all stopped.

Thirteen was gone. The smell was gone. That voice was gone.

You lay in a white room filled with a multitude of different shaped and colored flowers, a gentle breeze flowing through the room blew in your favorite scent, and your ragged breathing slowed down with every deep breath you took.

It felt calming. Like you could finally breathe fresh air for the first time.

Your shrunk pupils darted across every inch of the room, scanning it for any hint of danger before you realized that you could feel something on top of your eyelids since whatever it was slightly twitched every time you blinked- you slowly raised your hands towards your eyes, softly landing them on something..warm? It felt like a hand, but who’s hand? Are you dreaming?

‘’Come find me, MC. Save Me.’’ You felt drowsy listening to the voice, but it wasn’t like the voice from earlier- it felt more calm, less sinister…who really was this talking to you? It had to be thirteen..or that guy Luke was talking about….it..couldn’t..be any- anyone….else?

Your thoughts dragged out as you felt your muscles twitch and shake, your mind slowly shutting down- before you woke up in a cold sweat.

You now found yourself back in the Med-Bay, still sitting in this damned bed, but now you were accompanied by a gorgeous dark-skinned male with beautiful brown fringed hair which was parted on the sides of his head due to his…head wings? Is he deaf? Nevermind… He sat in the same chair that Thirteen did, his head was tilted downwards toward a clipboard which had something that you couldn’t discern written on it.

He seemed to notice your presence as he looked up from his clipboard, setting it aside on the nearby nightstand as he brushed himself off- ‘’Welcome back, MC! I assume that Luke has told you about me, no?’’ you nodded your head. ‘’That's great, do you happen to feel any discomfort or dizziness? Any worrying feelings?’’ you shook your head no- ‘’I'm happy to hear you feel fine, especially after what just happened- here, I'm giving you some fludrocortisone acetate to help with your fainting.’’ He said in a cheerful tone, smiling at you again after handing you a glass of water.

You were parched. Your mouth damn near felt like a desert with how dry it felt, so this glass of water was a blessing in disguise for you, thank god for Simeon- ‘’Don't fret too much about your meeting, you have an hour to properly rest and get yourself into a better headspace- I’ll be right here at your side if you need someone to talk to as well.’’ he said, getting up from the chair to walk over towards the nearby bookshelf. well, at least you had an hour to recollect your thoughts and mentally prepare yourself for what could be very well the last moments of your life, ‘’what a pain it's going to be loading my tomato soup-looking ass into a coffin.’’ you slightly snickered at your joke before you rolled over and your mind wandered off elsewhere, your eyes subconsciously drifting over towards the now sitting Simeon, who was quietly reading a book beside your bed.

‘’Simeon.’’ He looks over towards you, his eyebrows raised- ‘’Would it be rude to ask if you and Luke are…y’know, non-human?’’ you asked, expecting him to go ballistic on you for asking such a question- I mean, it did happen to you once before when asking an angel that Thirteen was watching over- guy got SUPER pissed that you didn’t just use common sense and look at the winds that were hidden on his back (which were covered by his long hair), god, that guy was a fucking dick now that you think back on it.

Simeon only smiled as the wings on either side of his head flapped happily- ‘’It's not rude to ask a question that has a clear answer, Luke has wings as I do but he is just too young for his wings to be fully visible!’’ you smiled back at him, happy that he wasn’t being as much of a dick like the last angel you asked this question to- ‘’How come you dont have a halo then?’’ ‘’It's too much of a problem to have floating on the back of my head, I tried to make it work but alas it ended up getting stuck trying to get through a door..’’ he shook his head whilst lowly chuckling to himself, ‘’Anyways, I'd love to keep on talking with you but I think we’re out of time here- but please don't start worrying! I specifically put in a medical request for Thirteen to accompany you during your time with your SCP…or well, Thirteen practically begged me to do something to aid with your panic attacks.’’

Your heart dropped hearing him say anything that hinted towards your looming death, but you just sucked it up since you would be with Thirteen- someone who could write out your will and put all of your figurines to good use. Simeon waved you off and shouted something along the lines of ‘’letting Luke know that you are bidding farewell!’’ with you shouting a happy ‘’See you later!’’ back at him.

The walk of shame towards the meeting room was absurd.

Totally absurd because there were people literally prancing around the main floor with whole-ass deers, frolicking around with bees, and JUMPING for joy at their newfound SCPs. The fuck?! Are you just the mayor of Frown Town or are these people actually on some type of hardcore drug? Because there is no possible way that the foundation didn't give all of these people Safe class SCPs- if they were going to do this then how come you didn't get something that wouldn’t kill me on sight?

‘’Your results have culminated to bring out your full potential as an [EXPERIENCED] On-Field Researcher’’ Right. They looked through your file to personally assign you a specific SCP.

Well, despite this unnerving fact, you pushed forward, determined to at least get a glimpse of your personal grim reaper, this fact pushed you forward with some pep in your step until you pushed open the doors to the meeting room- Matt. goddamn Matt.

Of COURSE they decided to let Matt be the tour guide for this whole shitshow- the one person you wanted to stay away from you at all times was HERE and going to be walking around with you for a solid five minutes to your new laboratory- Jesus fuck! Was the foundation that determined to get you to kill yourself?? ‘’MC! Oh, it is so, so, great to see my new favorite employee looking so delighted about their new job promotion! Come! Let's turn this frown upside down!’’ Matt said with a disgustingly cheery tone, his annoying ass smile seemed to get brighter as your frown drooped even more as he grabbed your hand and guided you towards your gravestone- I'm sure you will looooooove your new SCP! He is very docile and kind-hearted, his only setback is that he sleeps a ton, so getting research out of him will SURELY be a hassle!’’ he let go of your hand and twirled a bit before grabbing your hand, again, and further leading you to the airlocked door of your new laboratory.

Okay, now you were convinced that everyone was on this newfound hardcore drug and that you were the only sane fucker in the facility- because what fucking Keter class is DOCILE and KIND-HEARTED? Either Matt is a complete and utter dumbass who is totally oblivious to the most important aspect of his job or he genuinely didn’t know about the class you were assigned to.

Matt opened the door for you, ushering you inside as he explained the password system to your lab, giving you the code on a sticky note, and walking over to a panel that had several buttons on it as he flicked on a button which turned on the lights in the ‘’research station’’ as he calls it before he beckoned you over to him- ‘’And now for the grand reveal..! I, Matt, will be giving MC the honor of revealing their SCP!’’ he squealed, looking at you with a ‘’Hurry up and push that button’’ look as you just sighed and flicked on the switch next to the one he already turned on- with the lights slowly turning on to reveal a… Cow? No, human-cow cosplaying human curled up in the corner? What??

‘’Okay Matt, I'm going to be straight with you- what in the actual fuck is this? This isn't an SCP, it's some random guy cosplaying a cow that you plucked out of an anime convention!’’ You looked at Matt with a dumbfounded look as you looked back at the sleeping cow-cosplaying man before looking back at Matt- ‘’Oh yes it is, MC, that is in fact not a human but an SCP, he’s just assuming a human-like form to fool the task force into thinking he is docile. Not saying that he is violent, he just seems to not like his sleeping to be disturbed.’’ did Matt think you were that stupid? ‘’Matt, what the actual fuck are you talking about? ‘’Oh YeAh, He’S DoCiLe!’’ THAT MOTHERFUCKER IS ASSUMING A FORM TO FOOL PEOPLE INTO COMING INTO HIS ENCLOSURE! No, and I mean NO docile ANYTHING assumes a form to lure people into its habitat! How the hell can you actually look me in my face and tell me that it's DOCILE?!’’ you angrily pointed towards the still sleeping cowman

Matt's tone darkened, ‘’Let's not forget our positions here, or do you really want a black mark that badly? Either way, you have a job to do- valuable research to provide to the Foundation, i highly suggest you start moving to assess the SCP’s danger level- now, please. He told you, handing you a briefing file that you didn’t even know he had with him- your eyes quickly scanning over the material of said file, landing on one specific word before you looked up and stared into the soul of poor Matt.

It's like the fucker wanted you eliminated and wiped off of the face of the earth at his earliest convenience! This was downright ridiculous- get into the enclosure WITH a demon Keter class? Are you serious? fuuuuuck that.

You pinched the bridge of your nose in annoyance, ‘’Oh godfuckingdammit! Give me a break! A COW! A COW!! A DEMON COW AT THAT! You’ve got to be joking- seriously! If I walk in that THING’s enclosure I'm going to be not pushing 26 but fuckin’ DAISIES! Matt, I don't think you understand the problem here, You're putting me in the same room as a KETER- do you want me dead that bad?’’

Matt shook his head- ‘’Get in the enclosure, the black mark doesn't argue back nor does the rest of HR, after all, they will side with me, once again.’’

‘’Fuck you, Matt.’’ You said whilst angrily punching in the code to the enclosure- cautiously walking into the brightly lit room as you had a one-man staredown with the cow before you softly tapped your foot, attempting to wake it without immediately being torn limb from limb- and somehow you succeeded- having a grumbling, somewhat pissed, cow look at you like you just kicked a puppy and napalmed an orphanage, and kicked someone's grandma down a flight of stairs- god how much you missed the Med-Bay now…

Now that you could get a clear view of your short-time good ol’ buddy and pal- you could see his outfit clearly; somewhat blue hair with white streaks on the tips, a tired look adorning his face, and a blue jacket with a hood that he paired with an olive colored pair of pants, with damn near knee high brown boots- what in the actual fuck was this guy wearing? Damn, where did they FIND this man?

‘’What do you want?’’

What in the fuck- who said that? You thought to yourself, glancing back to an empty lab with no Matt in sight- oh that fucker REALLY wanted you dead. ‘’Fucking Matt…’’

Was it that voice that was nagging you about being a bad person and this that and the third earlier? Maybe it was… him?

‘’Was that you who just said that?’’ you stared at the cow who was lying down on the ground, watching it for any movement in its mouth before you heard the voice again- ‘’Yes, now answer my question already.’’- were you actually going schizophrenic or something? Because you were just staring at his mouth and didn't move one bit when you heard the voice- ‘’The fuck? Are you talking telepathically?’’ you asked the cow, only to get a now angry response- ‘’Are you deaf? Or just willfully being ignorant? Do you have zero sense of danger?’’

That's right, that cow was asking you to answer its question- ‘’I want the same thing as you do, for me to get the fuck outta here. I don't know if you saw that guy back there but he FORCED me to be in here with you.’’ You gestured to the empty room across from the both of you before you noticed something small and pink on the glass window- and you couldn’t get to it due to the walking threat lying down in front of you, especially the fact that any sudden movement could aggravate this guy and send you 6ft under, pushing daisies.

‘’So you're stuck here too, that guy wrote on that paper something about how he locked the doors for bonding time’’ The cow gestured towards the pink paper that was on the window, and then looked back at you.

Without missing a beat, he suddenly appeared in front of you and wrapped his hand around your throat, squeezing it with some considerable force since your face slightly twitched at the sudden cutoff of oxygen, and the cow did NOT seem to like that result as he let up with the squeezing- ‘’You really don't have any sense of danger, huh?’’ at this point, you didn’t even try to fight his grip, you just shrugged and accepted your fate- ‘’I do have a sense of danger- I just knew what type of bullshit I would be going into, but y’know, I'm forced to work with you. No point in having a sense of danger if you're just going to die by the end of the business day.’’

He sighed and fully let go of you, walking back to his previous spot in the corner and curling up into a ball, hiding his face from the bright lights of the room- ‘’How boring, it's no fun killing you if you're already wanting to die, that's like im granting your shitty wish. I'm a demon, not a genie.

‘’If you're a demon then go do us both a solid and kill that fucker, Matt!’’ you thought to yourself, rolling your eyes at the thought of his eventual return- ‘’What exactly did this Matt guy do to you for his name to be accompanying some form of death every five fucking seconds in your head?! You need to take anger management classes or something.’’

This fucking sassy fuck- ‘’It's because Matt sat there and LOCKED me in a room with YOU, no offense by the way, all for the purpose of killing me- like what type of psychopath sits there and leaves the glory of watching your greatest enemy be killed in real-time to go frolic around in an imaginary field or whatever he does in his free time! It's borderline stupid!’’

‘’Not only that, the guy keeps on babbling on about how you're so docile and kind-hearted!’’ You finished your rant about Matt, laying down against the cold, hard tiles and staring up into the ceiling- ‘’what a dumbass.’’ ‘’Tell me about it- the guys been doing nothing but riding my ass for the past six years and the moment he got a promotion he starts going on a whole tangent about how he’s so important and that he’ll put a mark on me if I step out of line- fucking power-tripping!’’

‘’And he got this promotion because why?’’

‘’Because he [DATA EXPURGED BY ADMIN_M], [REDACTED].’’

The cow seemed to pause at your words before he uncurled himself and stared at you, much to your dismay- ‘’He… did what to [REDACTED]?’’

‘’Yeah, he did, the only and probably only SCP I will ever trust again. And he [DATA EXPURGED BY ADMIN_M], and I hate his fucking guts for it- I sometimes wonder about her family she used to tell me stories about… I really wanted to meet some of her older brothers if our plan worked.’’

‘’Tell me about these stories [REDACTED] told you, now.’’ ‘’It's not like I have anything better to do.’’ . . . . . . . . . ‘’She really was the light of the foundation, making the suicide rate in this damned place drop to an all-time low! Hell, even the SCPs themselves enjoyed her presence, and that's impressive to get that senile old man down the hallway to shut the fuck up with his happy-go-lucky attitude.’’

Rename FILE.[FOLDER_2]? > Please select one option. (Yes/Yes)

Enter a new name for FILE.[FOLDER_2]. > [Paranoia] . . .

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<<< ''Do you really want to go back?'' || ''Are you sure you want to return?'' >>>

[moistvonlipwig]

14, 17 and 20 for Supergirl?

SALT TIME 🧂

14. Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

Hm, I'm not sure, really. To speak about the SC fandom specifically, I think within the fandom there is a tendency to view the fandom as Amazing and Creative and Beset From All Sides by Vicious Homophobes and from outside of the fandom there is a tendency to view the fandom as Obnoxious and Whiny and Full of Racists and I think the truth lies somewhere in between.

17. Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…

OK -- here's my pitch for how to end the 100th episode, assuming the rest of 5A played out as it did (though you could also tweak this to fit a better 5A lol). Have the "plead the fifth" timeline be the last timeline, after the Metallo Lena timeline. (If you need Kara to try more timelines before the Metallo Lena one to justify the attempt to cut herself out of Lena's life entirely, that's easy enough to imply with a quick montage + cutting down the action sequences in that timeline.) Have it go pretty much perfectly. No kidnapping Lena to force Kara to reveal herself this time. Instead, things are just peachy, and Lena even shows up at Kara's apartment for movie night. Hooray! Friendship fixed!

But Kara realizes this new timeline is just another deception, of both herself and Lena. She tells Lena that this isn't real...and Lena says she knows. It is revealed that Mxy approached Lena as well with the offer to see what her life would be like if Kara had told her the truth sooner. Lena asks Kara why she had to lie and says everything could've been perfect. Kara says she knows, and she's sorry. Lena says she's sorry too, but so what? That doesn't fix anything. Kara acknowledges this; she says she wishes she could magically undo it and make the pain go away, but she now realizes she can't. Lena reluctantly concedes that she's right, confessing that that's all she wanted as well from Non Nocere, to make the pain stop, but she now sees it would never work.

Kara calls for Mxy, saying she's done playing around with alternate timelines, and Lena asks if they have to go back. Kara says she wishes she had done things differently, but the truth is that she didn't, and they have to face reality and what they've both done to each other instead of hiding in another lie. Lena says she knows. As Mxy's reality starts disintegrating around them, Kara holds out her hand and asks if Lena will be there in the real world when they wake up from the fantasy. Lena takes her hand and says she will.

At last, they disintegrate as well, and Kara wakes up back in her apartment. Alex and J'onn are there, but Mxy is not; they ask what happened. Kara hugs them and tells them she loves them and is glad they're okay, but that she has somewhere to be. She ducks out of the apartment and ends up on the other side of Lena's door. Lena opens it and Kara says hi. Lena says hi too, then steps aside to let Kara in.

...Look, it doesn't fix everything, they will need to have Conversations, but at this point in the season both Non Nocere and them not speaking to each other were well and truly played out, so this at least addresses those issues in a suitably dramatic fashion.

20. What is the purest ship in the fandom?

See now this is a fascinating question because how are we defining "pure"? 'Untarnished,' I suppose -- but by what? Unhealthiness? I suspect that the go-to answer for many would be Dansen, but given that their relationship's veneer of healthiness seems to largely be a result of Kelly not being given the space (or screentime) to have Inconvenient Emotions or to be a full person at all, I'm not so sure I'd call that "pure."

S1 Karolsen might be another option -- they're sweet and supportive of each other and they handle conflict much better than their sisters do, with James actually challenging Kara and Kara actually listening (again, in S1, before Kara decides that actually James should always do what she says and she never has to take his advice). Then again, they're afflicted by the tedious love triangle nonsense that leaves Lucy out in the cold and has the unintended consequence of making Kara into 'the other woman,' which is perhaps not so "pure."

There's Brainia, I suppose, who are very cute, although they suffer from persistent communication issues. Or Spheercorp, which is similarly sweet, although it does end with Lena being forced to literally kill Jack, leaving one half of the ship dead and the other traumatized for life. Reigncorp might actually be the best bet here; they're supportive of each other, good at handling conflict, and no one dies. Still, it strikes me as funny to call a relationship between a morally gray billionaire and her friend who she had to lock away in a kryptonite cell to contain her evil alter ego "pure." Mostly though I just think any answer I can give to this question is not nearly as interesting as the implications of the question itself.

[faithbless]

" i just wanna delete my memory is that even possible? " with arms crossed, the redhead looks to the techie in hopes of some sort of solitude from this dual life. " and before you ask.. i'm perfectly peachy. just.. want to hit the redo button." @navihack sc.

[i-really-should-change-my-url]

Methlin as Bath and Body Works 3 Wick Candles (Seasonal Edition)

Andro: Vanilla Bean Noel

Change: Spiced Gingerbread

Donts: Hot Cocoa and Cream

Duckie: Cinnamon Caramel Swirl

Ferret: Spiced Apple Toddy

Imy: White Tea and Sage

Jax: Winter Candy Apple

Lemon: Marshmallow Fireside

SC: Snowy Peach Berry

Tilt: Pink Fairy Gumdrop

[vampireboness]

Hey guys! I know I haven’t been on here a lot I’ve like migrated off of a here and been on insta and tiktok! If y’all wanna follow me there I post a lot more over on those two! Also the username is the same as this one!

[slowmotiontrip]

just peachy 🍑

📷 IG: shaunalmeida

👻 SC: ivxviixcii

[ruin-island-vibes]

2, 10, and 37 for the love nikki asks? ❤️

2. What was the first event you remembering participating in?

I think the Peachy and Gray Raven event from a really long time ago? I don’t think I knew how it worked at the time, so I spent a couple of dias and didn’t actually get anything. The first event I actually completed was that Ruin one with Nebula Echo and Cosmos Sound.

10. Favorite story suit in general?

Oh, this is a hard one. If we’re just talking story suits specifically and not technically hell suits, my favorite would probably be the Autumn suits from the seasons permanent pav. I just really like space and celestial patterns. I also love the pirate suit from MoVo because it’s kind of unique and steampunk-y, and I like the first node from Heaven’s Favor too. It’s hard to decide. Honestly, though, my favorite suits in the game usually aren’t the story suits. Many of them are nice, but too big/flashy/unusable to really catch my eye. I have some of them, but I’ve also skipped a lot of hells. 

37. All time favorite suit that you own?

This one is also really hard! I think it’s definitely something Ruin-related. Scarlet Sin is one of my all-time faves, but there are plenty of others. It kind of depends on my mood. Funnily enough, Flame Witch is another one I might classify as an all-time fave, even though I’m usually not into goth suits at all. I kind of got it on a whim (I spent a bunch of dias on it by accident, then I was like “damn, I may as well finish”) but it’s grown on me a lot. As far as big, elaborate goth dresses go, I think Flame Witch’s far outstrips Jealous Phantom’s and Dark Night Moonlight’s, and Flame Witch has cute hair and some very useful background items (plus its makeup has BAT WINGS on the eyeliner!!!) So Scarlet Sin is probably my favorite suit, period, but Flame Witch is also a contender because it fills an empty niche in my wardrobe and is super useful in certain SC posts and comp themes. 

Thanks for the ask!!! <3

[vtscasefiles]

Case File # 321-5

Trigger warning: blood, gore, violence, death, firearms, injury, rape mention

Case begun: 5/09/20**

Case Concluded: 5/11/20**

Case Locale: [REDACTED], Florida

Marked as Closed

I arrived in Florida, the humidity already fucking with my sinuses. How anyone can live in this swampy shithole I will never understand. But I was offered a job, and my bank account was practically beating me over the head with it’s need to be filled. The pay was too good to turn down, so I loaded up my gear and headed out.

What I wasn’t expecting was a fucking ghost pirate. I mean, of all things, how fucking cliché can you get? The client, Rosie [REDACTED], welcomed me with that famed “southern hospitality” that I’ve heard so much of.

“You the girl with the gun? I expected you to be bigger.”

Fuckin’ peachy. “Yes. I’m the girl with the gun. You got a haunting problem?” I replied, trying not to let my irritation get the better of me. I’m fucking 5′9″. I’m not that small. For fuck’s sake, I can bench two hundo with no problem. Why the -- 

[Editor’s note: this continues for fifteen minutes. For your convenience I have removed VT’s rant.]

After getting a brief rundown of the case, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. Everything pointed to a simple haunting, it wasn’t something I was considering a challenge, or even something that’d take longer than a few hours.

After doing this job, you think you’ve seen just about all the SC* has to offer. My two best friends are a lich and a witch. Yes, they rhyme, shut up. Point being is that I have never seen a haunting manifest on such a massive scale. Usually it’s restrained to a building, or a patch of land, but this...the whole fucking coast line was haunted. It wasn’t even a Cluster**, it was one. Singular. Spirit.

My first day, as the usual, was spent at the library. The spirit in question, one Captain Fresni, was an infamous pirate in the seventeen hundreds. Played a role in the American Revolution, albeit a small one. According to the books I’d found (mostly useless, but I did manage to glean some insight), his ship The Crooked Jess, was riddled with canon fire by the British. Captain Fresni, a violent fighter if ever there was one, realized there was no way out...lit every barrel of gunpowder he had on board and rammed his ship into the oncoming fleet. The following explosion wiped out three ships, packed with soldiers and set fire to another six.

I was impressed. If the spirit was Captain Fresni, as Rose claimed, then it could simply be a case of the body dying so suddenly and violently that the spirit didn’t realize he was dead. There was one passage that stood out, I won’t repeat it due to it being hella long, but in summation it stated that near the southern tip of Florida there was a hidden cove that served as the pirate captain’s base. Might as well start there.

It was around 9pm on the tenth before I even stepped foot in the cove. Immediately, the air changed. Despite it being disgustingly humid, the air turned frigid and dry. I walked up and down the coast to find a spot that wasn’t freezing, but to no avail. The whole place was a spook zone. We’re talking a good three hundred acres of land completely under the spirit’s influence. Even by a Cluster’s standards, that’s a massive area.

This area was mostly undisturbed, being a historical site. Being in the profession I am, meant that didn’t mean a roasty pile of dogshit. If I got caught disturbing anything here, it only meant one thing: prosecution, if not a bullet through my head. I’m aware of what my ethnic background means; prejudice, racism, outright hate. Hell, it’s dangerous to drive, let alone stand somewhere that I shouldn’t. So I try to be subtle. Try not to pack too much ordinance. Today I only had my duffel bag full of Elinor’s*** special ammo. I’d say it “kills” ghosts, but you can’t kill a spirit. You can however, force it to reconcile with it’s past.

The worst part about this job was I was going to wind up in the water. I hate swimming. Forget what chlorine does to the dye in my hair (red. Blood red. Always.), but just the thought of driving across the country with my clothes soaked in salty water was already putting my teeth on edge. Looks like I’d be hitting a thrift shop on the way home.

I dropped my duffel bag on the beach and sat in the sand next to it, pulling off my dad’s old combat jacket and stowing it inside. I did a quick inventory. I hadn’t brought anything major. Salt. Blessed water (courtesy of Ramona****). A black beeswax candle and, my trusty companion, Peace.

Peace is the name I’ve given to my custom-made revolver. All together, the setup weighs about three pounds. Each part bears a custom engraving that’ll combat just about any supernatural force...even so, there are some things that Peace can’t solve...even with the right ammo. But I had one solution sitting in the backseat of my car: a can of kerosene. If bullets don’t solve the problem, a liberal application of fire will.

The time was midnight, the opening of the “Witching Hour”. I had until 3am to get something. Anything. The spirit wasn’t answering to any of the usual callouts (their name, questions, requests for an audience), so I settled in on the beach to doze. Wasn’t much else to do.

Mother fucker, I wish I hadn’t.

When I woke up, it was to the freezing cold iron around my wrists. The bob and weave that told me I was on the sea. The air smelled of something...something that every fucking time I smell it, I almost lose my lunch.

Corpses.

The deck outside my cell was slick with blood and viscera. I’ve seen my share of gore, don’t get me wrong, but this was a massacre. What was worse...it looked (and smelled) fresh. The good captain had been busy, it’d seemed. What began as a simple haunting was quickly turning into something more sinister. Rosie hadn’t mentioned that the spirit was violent...though I should have assumed, given the amount posted on the job. Even still, this was...a little more than I’d prepared for.

But first there was the matter of the shackles on my wrists.

Lockpicking is an artform that every PE invests time in learning. But that’s usually deadbolts or doors made post 1970. The manacles on my wrists (though they looked brand new) were easily something seen in the eighteenth century. There was even a maker’s mark next to one of the keyholes. I’ll spare you the details on how I got out, but my thumbs ache to all hell.

The second I laid hands on the bars to my cell, they swung open...I’d never been locked in. This worried me. The spirit wanted me free...the manacles were just a precaution. Each step I made was met with the squishy splort of combat boot on viscera. I took my time, as I didn’t relish the thought of slipping and falling into the mess beneath my boots. Proud to say that I didn’t fall. Not once.

[Editor’s note: judging by the stains on VT’s clothes, she fell.]

As far as I could tell, I was on the lowest deck. The stairway didn’t lead up into the fresh air of day, but rather into what I assumed was a galley. Tables and benches had been scattered, and cooking implements rusted on their hooks. Dangling from one of those hooks was my firearms...just waiting for me.

I expected a trap, I anticipated the trap. By that I mean I picked up a piece of busted bench and hurled it at my gun. It fell off the hook with a loud clatter which had me willing myself to fade into the shadows. Nothing. Nothing but the creak and groan of the ship.

Well, I say nothing, but I distinctly heard laughter from the top deck. Feminine, bright laughter. I picked my gun up off the floor, holstered it and climbed the stairs.

There was no ghost crew, as I’d anticipated...but at the helm was a sight that still gives my heart a jolt. It’s no secret that I’m gay. I love women. But what I saw at the helm...fuck me, sideways. She was tall. 6′6″ if she was an inch. Her raven hair captured the moonlight and practically sucked it in. Her breasts were bared to the wind, heavy tattoos that seemed to glow covered just about every inch of bared flesh. I’d have thought her living if not for one thing: her eyes. Pitch black like the void.

“Ahoy, mate.” she purred, setting my teeth to clench. “Found you on my little hideaway, snoozin’ like an infant. Come to join Captain Fresni’s crew, little pet?”

“I ain’t your pet.” I snapped, glowering up at the spirit. “You’ve been killing people, Captain...and everything I’ve read says that you’re a man. Are you actually Captain Fresni, or is that just some title you picked up?”

“Funny how men’ll give the most vicious fighters a cock in death that they never had in life, hm?” the pirate snickered. I took notice then that her arms were like two thick pythons that, any other time, I’d like to see just how much weight they could hold. “I offered my services to old Georgie and he thought me funny. At least until I broke his nose.”

“Georgie? As in Washington?”

“Ye know of him? Interesting. He refusing the afterlife, too?”

Everything I’d assumed about this spirit was wrong. Captain Fresni wasn’t a man, for one. Not to mention she knew very well that she was dead. That still didn’t answer the most pertinent question on my mind. “The bodies...or what’s left of them. Was that you?”

“Aye.” she smiled, wickedly, but offered no further explanation. I was being baited.

“Can I ask why?”

“Ye just did.” a hard spin of the wheel almost sent me tumbling. “But I suppose I can oblige a pretty little thing like you.” I fucking hate being demeaned. And all attraction for this undead bitch was flying out the window faster than you could say “eat my ass”. 

I can’t remember most of her explanation. Looking back, now...it’s like the whole of that night is just a drunken fever dream. What stands out to me is her reasoning. “I only murder the dregs, girlie. Rapists, mostly. Kidnappers. Violence done to women is met with brutal retaliation. It’s the simplest way to clean up this world, savvy?”

Oh, I was savvy. Quite savvy. If anything, I agreed with her and her method. Trash like that shouldn’t be allowed to breathe, let alone exist. “If that’s all you’re doing, Cap, then I see no reason we shouldn’t go our separate ways. You have your work and I have mine.”

“Aye? And just what is your work, lovely?” I didn’t detect any further demeaning playfulness...only curiosity.

“I’m a PE. A Paranormal Eliminator. Usually, I’d have to ask or make you pass on, but as it stands...I think we can say live and let live. Well...live and let un-live.” she’d laughed at that. A warm sound that had my guts twisting around my stomach like some sort of horny serpent.

“So, you came out all this way to end the dread Captain Fresni...only to find a kindred spirit, is that what I’m hearing?” she asked, grinning like the Cheshire Cat with a Glasgow grin. “And now you want to leave, just like that. Don’t a get a kiss or a nice romp? I think I’m owed something after all. I didn’t kill you for trespassing.”

That raised my hackles. Again, this pillar of muscle was underestimating me. What I’d fought, what I’d killed. For fuck’s sake, I’ve killed enough Wendigos to put half the men in my profession to shame. There was that weird case where the woman who hired me was fucking the Wendigo, but...that’s another story for another time.

[Editor’s Note: We’ve never discussed the Wendigo-coitus case. I sincerely want to hear it.]

“Fuck you. You got the drop on me, like a coward.” I regretted the words the instant they left my mouth. I was on her ship and at her mercy. She could sink this ship and I had no idea which way shore was...let alone the hazards that went with swimming in open water.

Instead she’d only laughed. “Little girl, I’m a pirate. I’ve no intent to fight head on when I can sneak up on someone. Honor is a man’s game. It’s what gets them killed, more often than not.” Again, I agreed. I’d put enough bullets in the back of a head to know that stealth is preferable than a face-to-face fight.

“Look, I lost my temper. Can we just...end this and I can go home? We both agree on your method, and I see no reason to stop what you’re doing. Sure, the “authority” of the living world won’t like it...but no one likes them, so they can eat a steaming pile of shit.” I said, frowning. “I don’t want a fight. I just want to get paid and go home.”

The look about the spirit changed, marginally. The tattoos seemed to be rippling along her flesh(?) and her smile faded into a frown. “Missy, we still have a glaring problem we’ve yet to address. I’m one woman...and I need a crew. So, unless you’ve got a solution to that particular snag, you’re it.”

All my like for this spirit (begrudging as some of it was) vanished in an instant. “So I’m being kidnapped.” I responded, feeling my heart start to hammer in my ears. “Just like those men you killed. So, what I’m hearing is, you’re no better.”

“Watch your words, girl. Your pretty face won’t save you from my blade.” she’d snarled. It took all that was in me not to balk, though my teeth desperately wanted to chatter.

“I’m using your own words against you, Captain.” I responded, hoping I sounded calmer than I felt. “Don’t blame me if they don’t line up the way you want.”

“One more word out of you -- “

“I’ll give you two: get. Fucked.” that had torn it. The rippling gave way to something that I’d come to expect. This was no run of the mill spirit: Captain Fresni was either a wraith or a revenant. The only real difference between the two was the level of violence capable. A wraith tends to hunt one person, or their family. A revenant hunts whoever they want...and now I was on the list. I couldn’t fight her here, not out in the open. She’d tear me to shreds. Already her jaw was gaping, revealing razor teeth. Her nails, cut short, were lengthening into something akin to talons...and believe me when I say those things hurt. 

I feel no shame in saying I sprinted below deck and ducked into the galley proper. I wish I hadn’t. She wasn’t just killing people, she was eating them. Body parts, half chewed, dangled from the ceiling and littered the ground. My hand clapped over my mouth and nose to keep the smell out and my dinner in. I heard her footsteps and, as silently as I could manage, I checked my firearm. Peace was still locked, cocked and ready to rock. Well, not cocked. Gun safety, kids.

I pulled one of Elinor’s special bullets out of the cylinder. What made these so special is that, instead of lead, bone served as the projectile. The easiest way to deal with something dead is by using something dead against it. I don’t ask where Elinor gets her bone, and I think I’ll be perfectly happy to continue not knowing.

[Editor’s note: I know. It’s horrific.]

“Little pet, little pet, where are you?” she crooned. Well, I say crooned...more like...rattled. A revenant’s physiology is strange, but once they reveal their form it’s almost as if their bodies begin to decay. I peeked around the corner to see her back facing me. I took aim and...nothing. My gun clicked loud enough to sound like a scream in an empty hallway, but no roar of igniting gunpowder. She turned and...smiled. I think. “There you are.”

“Here I am.” I responded, standing on shaking legs. “Soup’s on, Captain.” she ran at me, talons held out at her sides like sabers. I did the only sane thing I could think of: I ducked as she swung. Luckily, the big swing didn’t hit me. Unluckily, she had another hand. Claw. Whatever.

So, there I was, a talon embedded in my shoulder and blood gushing from the wound like a waterfall. A little known fact about revenant wounds: leave the talon in. If it’s withdrawn the wound will immediately fester and become gangrenous. A lot of PEs have died that way.

I slammed the barrel of my gun against the base of her claw and it snapped off. She screamed her pain and rage and took another swipe at my torso. I barely managed to get far enough back in time. The fact I had to compensate for a long talon still imbedded in my shoulder didn’t mean much, as I was operating off a cubic fuckload of adrenaline. She did however manage to shred my tanktop. Which sucked, because I loved that thing. Said “Boss Ass Bitch” on it and everything...I guess I could see if Ramona would make me another one...

[Editor’s note: RIP tank top. Ramona is making another one at the time of writing.]

I sprinted past her, she’d over balanced and given me time to escape. I went down, back to the cells. I was soaked in a cold sweat by now and thankful that my hair tie had held, despite my panicked movement. I smoothed the strands away from my sweat soaked face and looked for a place to hide. Nothing was presenting itself...but an idea struck. It was a stupid idea. A terrible idea. I ran into a cell and pressed my back to the wall.

When Fresni reappeared, she was smiling. “Ran out of room to run, little rat?”

“Seems that way.” I panted. My head was spinning from the loss of blood. Thankfully, that brief moment I spent pressed against the wall had redoubled my courage...and helped me remember one little fact. “Look, Cap...I’m dead. We both know it. The second this talon is removed, my life is over...so...I guess I’m askin’ if that place on your crew is still available.”

That shocked her, if only for a moment. “You can’t lie your way out of this one.”

“No lie. Kill me now. I’d rather just go ahead and get it over with, thanks.” I said, praying that this would work. If it didn’t well...you wouldn’t be seeing this, would you?

She approached, brandishing those eight inch talons. She clicked them together, thoughtfully. “Stand still, then.” she snarled as I held my breath. “One through the heart, and it’s all over.”

Three more steps. Two. One. I stepped in and latched onto her arm, and...I bit down. I felt fetid blood fill my mouth and choke me. I immediately began to gag and then...voided my stomach, all over my aggressor.

A revenant’s true power isn’t from the change they make, though it definitely looks it. A revenant is best known for it’s insidious way of making the unreal real...so long as its concentration remains undisturbed.

When I finally finished tossing my cookies, I looked up. No ship in sight. Just a revenant, me and glorious land. The sand was disturbed, probably from all my running, and my blood left trails showing my passage. I’d been running in circles for the last hour...while she just watched.

“Shouldn’t play with your food.” I coughed, wiping my mouth. “It’s how you get killed.” she screeched in rage, her partially coagulated blood oozing from the bite mark I’d left. The talon was still lodged in my shoulder. I reached for my gun, ready to put an end to this only to pull out... “A fucking banana? Oh, you have got to be kidding me.”

She roared and charged. My weapon, my baby was strapped to the rotten leather of her belt. She’d touched it. No one touched my weapon except Ray***** and myself. Not even Ramona. 

That pissed me off in a way that nothing else does.

Naturally, I charged straight for her. She took a swipe with her injured arm, but instead of dodging out of the way, I leapt into it. She made contact, but only with her palm. I felt one of my ribs crack and gasped in pain, pure instinct was the only thing that drove my fist into the shredded flesh on her arm, courtesy of my teeth. She balked and I snatched.

Peace was in my hand, albeit barely. She noticed and lunged again, sending us both into the sand. Her pirate nature showed in the way her head collided with my nose, sending fresh gouts of blood over the both of us. She thought me stunned. An easy kill. She thought wrong.

“Any last words, my pretty?” she cackled, her maw open wide. She wasn’t just going to kill me...I’d pissed her off enough that she was going to bite me. My death wouldn’t just be painful, but slow...and my soul would erode right along with my body.

“Yeah.” I croaked, feeling the end of my stamina quickly approaching. “Choke on it.” I rammed Peace as hard as I possibly could into that gaping maw, hearing her gargle in rage around it. My wrist jerked as I fired once, twice, three times. Bam. Bam. Bam. A faint gargle, a twitch...and about two-hundred pounds collapsed on right on my cracked rib, finishing the job her arm had started and broke the damned thing.

I wheezed beneath the re-corpse for...ten, fifteen minutes? When I finally managed the strength to push her off of me, I immediately emptied the last three rounds into the ruined mess of her skull. Say what you will about my methodology, but I like to be thorough. 

It wouldn’t have done just to leave her body there, for a mundane to see. The SC likes it’s secrecy and to risk exposing it? There was no faster way to end a career than to leave a loose end behind. I made the long trek back to the car and returned with the kerosene can. I stood by the raging fire until there was nothing but ash and blackened bone...though I know a certain lich who could make use of revenant bone.

All in all, a happy ending. Had a vampire doc fix up my shoulder to avoid dying of infection. Rosie paid me what I was owed and Elinor bought the bone off of me for further profit. Sure, my shoulder still hurts so damned bad that I can barely lift it, but...thanks to Ramona, it’ll be healed up in no time. Probably.

Yo-ho-ho, mother fucker. Case closed.

Editor’s farewell: This is the first case file VT asked I upload. It’s one she’s particularly proud of and one with a satisfactory ending. There may be names or terminology that you are unfamiliar with, but I have taken the time to star each of them as to explain. They are as follows:

SC*: Supernatural Community. This is self explanatory. Includes all beings, regardless of death, undeath or birth. IE vampires, ghosts, revenants, werewolves

Cluster**: A colloquial term amongst PEs. Used in reference to a small locale with a massive collection of spirits. Usually all working as a coordinated group.

Elinor***: Elinor Lyktor. Lich. Proprietress of Ellie’s, a shop frequented by PEs for their gear. Specializes in Osteomancy.

Ramona****: Ramona Torrez. Witch. A close friend of VT’s. Offers support, healing and consultation. A good 75% of VT’s equipment is blessed by Ramona.

Ray*****: Raleigh Kane. Gunsmith. Took the name Ray from her father, proprietress of Ray’s Armory. Forced into the Supernatural Community by VT during a case. Since, she has dedicated her craft to making weapons to deal with the malignant forces that threaten the community as a whole. Extensively researches customers and will not sell her works to those she does not trust.

[aasingar]

“WORKING  HARD  OR  HARDLY  WORKING?”     the  corny  line  is  delivered  with  a  nod  to  the  book  in  his  lap.  red  lips  spread  into  a  wide  smile.  a  bored  diana  is  a  dangerous  creature,  with  a  downright  wicked  glint  flashing  in  her  eye.  with  a  swift,  effortless  motion  she  pulls  off  her  cherry  -  red  heart  -  shaped  sunglasses,  hoping  to  dazzle.  for  someone  that  should  be  avoiding  attention  for  a  various  number  of  reasons,  she’s  conspicuously  dressed.  a  frothy  confection  of  peachy  pink  ruffles  and  unnecessary  matching  stilettos,  making  her  even  taller.  and  all  too  interested  in  the  man  on  the  park  bench.  there  is  something  off  about  him,  as  there  is  something  off  about  her,  though  she  can’t  quite  place  it.  in  her  admittedly  limited  experience,  that  could  mean  any  number  of  things.  he  could  simply  have  some  sort  of  magic  ancestry  that  gives  him  that  hum  of  magic  that  caught  her  attention,  but  have  no  real  ability  of  his  own.  either  way,  she’s  as  curious  as  the  proverbial  cat,  and  just  as  reckless.     “do  you  mind  if  i  sit  here?  i  always  forget  how  busy  the  park  gets  around  this  time,  i  can’t  find  a  bench,”     the  brown  bag  in  her  hand  is  lifted  up  and  pointedly  shaken  to  catch  his  attention.  an  offering.     “i’ll  split  my  bagel  with  you  as  thanks!”

@acquarone​.     sc.

[themayor1997]

LOVER means shhhhh

One of the reasons why it’s not about that dude in The Favourite, as always. Also, this are just some of my thoughts and these are nothing compared to the huge blogs  uniting kaylors out there .

(pardon , but the chemistry was just ydqwbeasdagb)

Going back…

First , the term “lover” is kinda peachy. Why not “ Darling”, “ Honey”, or “ Dear” or something British? jk! Well, maybe  because Lover sounds better? I don’t know, we can only speculate. So let’s speculate shall we?

Upon learning that the title of the new album is “Lover”, the first thing I thought was that it sounded and still sounds so delicate ( not the song but also that “song”), something illegal. I think I’ve read enough novels and watched enough movies to have the impression that the term lover actually refers to a third party, a paramour, a valued dirty secret. 

If we google the term “ Lover” , results show that :

Further scrolling and it would lead you to this:

“Seven Ages Of Man”, from Shakespeare’s As You Like It?  

( Seems like Shakespeare is kinda influential to someone, well Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy written by W. Shakespeare so yah) 

       Seven Ages of Man

William Shakespeare (1564–1616)

From “As You Like It,” Act II.Sc. 7

ALL the world ’s a stage,

And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts,

His Acts being seven ages. At first the Infant,

Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.

Then the whining School-boy, with his satchel

And shining morning face, creeping like snail

Unwillingly to school.

And then the Lover, Sighing like furnace, with a woful ballad Made to his mistress’ eyebrow

. Then a Soldier,Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard;

Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel,

Seeking the bubble reputation

Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the Justice,

In fair round belly with good capon lined,

With eyes severe, and beard of formal cut,

Full of wise saws and modern instances,—

And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts

Into the lean and slippered Pantaloon,

With spectacles on nose, and pouch on side;

His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide

For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,

Turning again toward childish treble, pipes

And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,

That ends this strange eventful history,

Is second childishness, and mere oblivion,—

Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

IN short:  Seven Ages of Man

infant,

schoolboy,

lover,

soldier,

justice,

Pantaloon

old age, facing imminent death.

CoINciDences? I don’t know. Well maybe the song lover was placed on the 3rd spot because maybe it was influenced by W.S . or  lover ,the person, was born on the 3rd, or maybe both! that I don’t know!!! Regardless, it kinda leads us to the word “mistress” and for us to think of a secret lover.

Now, let’s go check the lyrics!

Personally, I think Lover is something related to New Year’s Day. The first sentence of the Lover just gives the vibes.

We could leave the Christmas lights up ‘til January This is our place, we make the rules And there’s a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?

What if these words were taken from the love letters given to her lover.

The line”  We could leave the Christmas lights up ‘til January” shows that she wrote/told her lover this line before January.

Another thing ,

I’ll be there if you’re the toast of the town babe Or if you strike out and you’re crawling home

( she could use any other term for sad moments but for Taylor to used a term from baseball/softball means something)

( Google  dude’s name with baseball and the only result related was dude wearing baseball cap with Tay)

GOING back

Don’t read the last page

But I stay when you’re lost and I’m scared and you’re turning away I want your midnights But I’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year’s Day

 ( The mystery of what was written in the last page of something, a love letter maybe, is kiling me!) 

I want your midnights = I’ve loved you three summers now, honey, but I want ‘em all = (to be with you till death do us part)

Assuming that lover is actually a continuation of NYD, dude is definitely not the Lover as he only entered the scene around 2016 and the album 1989 was released in 2014 so yah…

My heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue All’s well that ends well to end up with you reminds me of  I can tell that it’s going to be a long road

For Taylor speaking these words don’t fit a perfect straight white couple love story, unless you’re gay or cheating or both. 

 ( To any anti-gaylor out there, go do your homework)

And well the latest 

When did dude ever refer NYC as his favorite town…unless lover is not a dude.

Adios!

[everythingbutmyheart]

But tbh did sc*tt and sc**ter really think that there wouldn’t be an uproar about this whole ordeal? Did they think they’d just post on social media about the deal and everything would be just peachy? Do they not know this fandom and all of Taylors supportive amazing friends by now.....? Looooool

[peachymess]

1/2 Peachy I would love your opinion on a post I came across. Spoiler warning.... The post goes over Armin's crying scene, they say that Armin was actually moved my Yelena's words and how Armin has changed for the worst over the years. How he just wants to sit and talk etc...ah I wish I could link u the post on this. It's in the Armin tag and it's a recent post. I would love your feed back on that. I'm just kinda paranoid and worried for Armin, I could see him actually being moved by those words

2/2 to find the post the title is “Armin was pretending to fool yellena”?“ I kinda worry for him, I seen a lot of theories that he’s faking it or that his emotions were real but what came out of his mouth was a lie. I also saw your post that another Anon asked over Armin’s crying and that could also be it. Reading your post I kinda got reminded of how Armin has lied to Bert on Annie and also lied to the female Titan of crushing his best friend to distract her.

Hi, anon. I’m sorry; I really wanted to write a thorough meta for this, but I simply don���t have the time. I got this on my way to work yesterday evening, and today will consist of packing until I’m picked up to head to the family cabin (no net there; only on phone). I’ll be staying there till the 22nd of April, and I’ll be busy until the 25th. I would have saved the asks and replied once I’m back, had the topic not had a, probably, short expiration date. Meaning, I assume you’ve probably either landed on something, or there’s just a few days until a new chapter might give further answers, by the time I can actually get to it. However, if, at the end of April, you still wonder, feel free to ask me again about this topic. You’re right, I already gave a general reply, and I’ll give another. If I write another, deeper diving meta about this, it will only be to build up under the thoughts and arguments I have already given. Because, short answer to all of this is: I believe Armin is faking it, in hopes of getting an upper hand out of it. Armin has faked stuff and played on emotions like this before. He lied about Annie to reach Bert (and Reiner’s) emotions twice, he played on Eren’s trust in him during the Return arc - so that Eren wouldn’t catch on to his plan of self-sacrifice (if you don’t remember, Armin knew Eren wouldn’t go along with the plan if he told him the planned endgame, so the moment Eren started to ask himself what Armin was getting at, Armin pulls the “I’ll back out before I get too hurt, I promise; would I ever lie to you?”), he withheld the planned endgame from Jean and Mikasa for the same reason (aka, he knew their emotions could get in the way of them allowing him to sacrifice himself), he woke Eren twice from titan from by appealing to their dream (emotions) - the second time even when he thought he wouldn’t see it (read: he thought to himself “if this plan works, I’ll probably never see the ocean”, and then stabs Eren in the neck and says “Eren, wake up, we’re going to see the ocean”; lied). He also sweet-talked Annie into helping him, by talking about good vs bad people, and how she’d be a bad person to him if she didn’t help him - because we’re all human, and we have an instinctual need to be liked by others (especially if we like or respect the person in question, which Annie did). Armin also lied about his best friend been crushed under her foot, to (among other things) save Jean’s life; by faking his emotional distress over seeing his friend dead - as in, using emotional manipulation. 

My point is, Armin understands people’s emotions very well, he analyses situations well. He knows how to use that to his advantage. If he is faking it with Yelena, it would not only be “in character”, it would be textbook Armin. Even more textbook Armin, than him being generally moved to tears by words. I haven’t looked into what exactly it is Yelena says yet, but by word of mouth, she talks about their work being remembered past their own deaths (among other things). Armin doesn’t want/need to be remembered. You have to think about what his goals and desires are. He doesn’t want bloodshed. He would want every single person to live, if there was a way for it. Even if what they do gets remembered for centuries, do you think he’d be happy if what they did, was to commit genocide? 

Again, I don’t know Yelena’s stance in detail, nor her words to Armin, but I know their positions pre-116: opposite sides. Words will not sway Armin from one to the other. He has an analytical mind, and he has thought about both sides already, from many angles, I am sure. He has picked the side he morally believes in. And because he has thought about it thoroughly, I doubt that simply phrasing the (in his mind) “wrong side” in a certain way, will suddenly convince him to agree with it. If people, words or emotional appeal would convince him, don’t you think his best friend would have been able to get him on board these past 4 years? Armin and Eren are torn because their morals have garnered considerable distance to one another (or so it seems), and Armin will rather uphold his morals than break bread with someone over a treasured friendship (and before anyone goes after Armin for that, remember it takes two to tango; the exact same could be said about Eren).

What more, think about the story aspect of this. Firstly, what was the point of the scene? What was the point of showing Armin getting on Yelena’s good side? Either it’s to show Armin’s development into being a Zeke-follower - but if that isn’t it (which I don’t believe), then the point was that Armin having Yelena around his little finger, will become an asset to him later. He can use it to influence her choices/actions, to free his friends, etc. Where would the story take him, if Isayama makes Armin suddenly side with Yelena? It looks like a dead end to me, especially this late in the game. What will happen next, if Armin goes over to Yelena/Zeke’s side? Eren is gonna throw Zeke a curveball, which means the parties will split into three (if not more). This would leave Armin (still) opposite to Eren, but also opposite to Mikasa. Which would make it finally easy(er) for Mikasa to go against Armin over Eren. And after Mikasa reluctantly sides with Eren to take down Armin, who becomes a side of his own, then what…? We return to Eren vs SC, just like before? A dead-end loop. Of course, there’s a lot of room here, and I honestly won’t pretend to know what the future of this story holds. I will, however, trust my knowledge of Armin enough to say I highly doubt that Armin is being moved to tears over some fanatic’s words. It’s all about motivation here. I already mentioned it, but that’s because it’s such an important thing to look at. You cry when something resonates with you. What about Yelena’s words, would resonate with Armin’s ultimate goals? 

… Because his goals are the same today, as they’ve always been: as much peace as possible, for the smallest price possible. I’m still eager to hear him talk about his dream (ocean, northern lights, etc.) again, just to see where his stance is on that now (it’s the only part of him I won’t confidently guess at), but that’s somewhat irrelevant right now. The point I’m trying to get to is this: Armin hasn’t changed for the worse. He hasn’t changed at all. What has changed, is Eren’s opinion on Armin and his ideals. Before, Eren admired him, now he’s impatient with him. I don’t think I heard anyone talking about Armin’s morals changed, before Eren brought it up at the round table. Because Armin hasn’t changed; what Eren said, he said (either) because he’s convinced himself of it, and (or) because he wanted Armin to start doubting his own mind/motivations. Armin’s strength is his mind, and as long as he thinks he can trust his own judgement, he will be solidly in place (as he has been for 4 years). Topple that confidence, and he might finally, possibly be susceptible to manipulation. That would be to Eren’s great benefit. I think that’s part of why he said it. But he’s wrong either way. And I think that went over parts of the fandom’s heads. 

Because whether Armin has Bertolt’s memories or not, he is still himself. If all the shifters were just an empty shell of the shifter that came before them, then Bertolt wasn’t himself either; he would in turn have been the shell of the previous one, who was a shell of the one before him, etc. Even with shifter influence, that function only works, if it’s at most partial (except for, possibly, exceptions under special circumstances that Armin don’t meet). Look at all the shifters; there is enough evidence to say with certainty, that they are to some degree their own person, with wishes and feelings connected specifically to them. Things from previous people might be added, but not everything from the pre-shifter holder is taken away. Just look at the BRA chemistry: Reiner and Bertolt are friends, and Annie is going “meh” on the sideline. Fat chance the original colossal, armored and female had the exact same dynamic as the BRA trio had pre-shifters, yet they are the same trio before and after becoming shifters.

Armin has tried to talk things out with the enemy before. He tried to talk to Bertolt in the return arc, he tried to talk to Bert and Reiner when they were running away. He generally wants to understand the enemy, and for them to in turn understand him. He believes that if they can find common understanding, they can find common ground. Him wanting to build bridges with the other countries has nothing to do with Bertolt’s memories, and it is not something he “wouldn’t have wanted before”. Remember how upset he was when he shot the MP lady? She was an enemy, but he was still so distraught he puked and cried his heart out. Remember in the return arc when they blew Reiner to bits (one of several times, lol)? Armin looks at him, tears in eyes, and expresses that he is heartbroken that it had to come to that because there was no room for talking. He explicitly mentions how he regrets that they weren’t able to talk it out. Armin Arlert has always wanted to pursue the most peaceful solutions! This is not new! And I was going to dedicate a large chunk on my meta just for this, but sadly, I don’t have the time. I have talked about this many, many times; talked about how he’s not a pacifist, as some claim he is, because he is not - but that he, instead, feels like they have a duty to make sure the violent option they choose, is still the least violent option. He would let a thousand men die if it meant saving the rest of the world. But not before he is confident that there isn’t a way to sacrifice only a hundred for the same outcome! 

1. Zeke and Yelena’s plan is to kill probably several thousands, to save the rest of the world. Armin thinks they can save the world by sacrificing considerably less than several thousands. That is why, no matter how pretty Yelena makes it sound, her plan will never move Armin to tears. 

2. Armin’s morals have not changed; he’s always wanted to save as many people as possible and to get as far as he can with communication. His first line in this damn story is about how if you abandon arguments and resort to violence instead, it means you’re in the wrong. 

3. … Yet he’s not a pacifist. When there is no other solution, he will restore to violence. Eren forced his hand with Marley, and what did Armin do? He didn’t stand passively by; he did the only thing that was left to do to proceed: blow up the harbor. When Jean was about to get shot, what did he do? He shot that MP in the face. He doesn’t like violence, and he wants to avoid it as much as possible, but he recognizes that if communication doesn’t get you all the way, violence will cover the rest. However, he feels that they all have a duty to exhaust all possibilities before turning to violence (”the end justifies the means - if you were mindful of the means”). That is why he and Eren now differs: Armin feels that Eren is no longer attempting to look for less horrific means, and instead going for the first thing plan that comes to mind. And it’s making Armin question his morals; if Eren truly cared about everyone, would he not also - just like Armin - desire to spend at least some time to think and analyze, and test the waters of less horrific plans? Eren, on the other hand, seems to feel pressed for time, and has no patience for Armin’s “lingering”, and thus grows angry and refuses to put himself in Armin’s shoes to try and understand why he “lingers” against the enemy. Pick what side you want, but Eren is wrong in the way he sees Armin. And the fandom should realize this and not so readily take his reprimand of Armin as facts. Armin has not changed. … but I know I’m seen as biased in Armin’s favor, just like that post you read sounds to be biased against him. And since I have no time, I’d encourage you to seek out @momtaku; she’s given good, believable, objective analysis of Armin before and I trust her to treat him fairly. She writes metas a lot more than I do these days, so - though with fear of sending too much work her way - I’d suggest you ask her what she makes of the scene. Either way, that’s enough of my rambling. I hope that no matter what, anon, you are able to de-stress somehow. SNK makes me worry a whole lot too, but Armin stepping away from his greatest strength (good judgement) at the last hour, is not one of those worries.  

(PS: I didn’t read that post you talked about, I don’t have the time, but if there is a fair point in it that I don’t cover, feel free to ask me about that part specifically. Also, had I read it, I would have sourced it and tagged the author so that there is no shade). 

[sunshinekookie]

BTS Reaction: You Cursing Because You’re Clumsy

A/N: Hellooo I hope everyone’s day went well enjoy!

Contains cursing...obviously 

Kim Seokjin (Jin)

You were walking through the house frantically looking for your headphones before you had to leave. You had accidentally dropped your phone as you ran into Jin who you didn’t see at all. Your phone landed on the ground face down which caused you to say “oh shit!” as you bent down to pick it up. You heard Jin laugh above you at your outbreak. “What?” you said standing up after knowing your phone was alright. “Nothing I just find it funny when you curse” he said smiling. 

Min Yoongi (Suga)

It was date night and you were walking out to the car. Yoongi was already inside the car so you hopped in after him. As you sat down you hit the back of your head on the car. “Oh fucking hell” you said grabbing the back of your head as you soon as you were in. “Are you okay” Yoongi said chuckling to himself. “Just peachy” you said taking your hand away and leaning your head on the head rest behind you. 

Jung Hoseok (J-Hope)

Most of the timeHoseok would invite you to come and dance with him. You never rejected as you were a dancer yourself. No matter how graceful you moved across the floor you were still very clumsy. You were going for four seconds pulling into a double at the end. Simple right? As soon as you hit your seconds you started to fall out of them so you pulled into your double. You lost your balance on that so you decided to jump out of it. Your foot got caught on the floor causing you to fall right onto the ground. “Oh fuck!” you said laughing the pain away. You pulled your knee up to yourself laughing it off. “Geeze are you okay?” Hoseok said coming to your side. “Yeah let me just rest for a bit I’ll be fine” you said scooting over to the side as he began to dance himself. 

Kim Namjoon (RM)

You were walking to through the living room trying to get to the kitchen. You walked a little too close to the coffee table. Your pinky toe hit the leg and you instantly yelled out “oh fucking shit!” sitting down to grab it. “Are you okay?” Namjoon said walking in on you. “Yeah I just hit my toe” you said laughing at yourself. “Oh fuck that hurt so bad” you said squeezing your eyes shut and getting up. “Do I need to carry you everywhere now?” he said laughing. “Ah shush” you said waving your hand towards him continuing into the kitchen. 

Park Jimin

You had just finished your meal and you got up to take your plate to the sink. You brought your plate up but accidentally hit it on the side of the counter causing it to fall out of your hand and onto the floor. “Oh shit!” you yelled bending down to pick up the broken pieces. “What happened?” Jimin said walking up behind you. “What did you do?” he said laughing. “I dropped the fucking plate” you groaned going to throw the plate away. You grabbed a broom heading back out to the kitchen to sweep it up. “Let me do it I don’t want you to accidentally hit something with it” he laughed grabbing the broom out of your hands. 

Kim Taehyung (V)

You and Taehyung were fooling around fake fighting. Taehyung was holding your arms and you were trying to break free of his grip. He let go of your arms and they flew back to you hitting your face. “Oh my fucking god!” you laughed holding your face. “Jagi! Are you okay?” he laughed after realizing what had just happened. “Yes I’m fine” you laughed as you took your hands off of your face looking at Taehyung’s still shocked, yet happy, face. “I’m sorry” he laughed “here” he said kissing where you hit yourself. “Better?” he said smiling “of course” you smiled back to him. 

Jeon Jungkook 

Jungkook always wanted to play you in video games just to see who was better. As the game heated up so did both of your movements on the couch. As soon as the screen flashed showing your had won you jumped up in excitement about to rub it in his face. As soon as you had stood up you tripped over yourself falling on your butt and hitting your funny bone on the table beside you. “Jesus fucking christ” you said grabbing your elbow. “Oh my god are you okay?” Jungkook said with wide eyes. “I’m fine I guess I just got too excited” you said laughing. “This is what you get for rubbing it in my face every time you win. Karma is a bitch (y/n)” Jungkook said laughing. “Whatever I still won” you mumbled getting up and reclaiming your seat on the couch. 

Masterlist // Request

sc: sunshine.kookie

[hatenayousei]

stamina events. it's free diamonds.

pretty designs. I don't really shitpost much

nikkimi

1.1 just because I can't remember 2.1

bobo (but why put two bad bitches against each other?)

cute

hoarding diamonds. stamina hoarding is really counterintuitive. you're losing stamina because you're not regenerating it. whereas hoarding diamonds is more reasonable because they don't automatically regenerate like stamina does. especially if you're saving for a big event.

orlando I guess? idk much about either of them LOL

ruin because it doesn't involve racism. though I do wish there were less recharges.

gifties

grilled fish. mainly because I prefer girls.

I prefer icewind warchant style wise. though I love white blossom's background

seducing. at least with that one you know they tried

shade I guess?? I don't even remember who louie was honestly

iron rose...? I don't know, I barely remember the story after the beginning of the second chapter

live, feral hog. cuter and smarter than nidhogg could ever hope to be

color

sc cosplay can be fun sometimes

ace

ending cultural appropriation

completing the suit

lilith all the way

copying top 20

tarot fortuneteller cuz I'll eventually complete it as long as I keep decomposing things. completing snow lotus, on the other hand, depends on the rng of the pavilion without a pity timer, so it'll take WAY longer

I have no clue what those are. (the main permanent pavilion and the permanent housing pavilions?) the former, cuz I couldn't care less about housing

gun

nikki's info

peachy. one of my favorite suits in the game is peachy demon and I wish I had it so bad.

elegant

happiness

Love Nikki This or That

Stamina events or Hell events

Posting pretty designs on Starry Corridor or shitposting on SC

Nikkimi or Nice

Chapter 1.1 or chapter 2.1

Lunar or Bobo

Mature or cute

Hoarding stamina or hoarding diamonds

Orlando or Bai Yongxi

Ruin Island or Wasteland

Momo or Gifties

Grilled fish or a cute boyfriend

Icewind Warchant or White Blossom

Sapphire or Seducing

Louie or Shade

Iron Rose or Apple Apparel Group

Nidhogg or a live, feral hog

Sorting clothes by colour or having accurate style tags on clothes

Drawing fan art or doing SC cosplay

Ace or Elle

More dark skin makeup or stopping the cultural appropriation of Native Americans

Completing a suit or collecting pretty parts of suit

Lilith or Pigeon Kingdom

Doing a creative but badly performing suit for competition or copying top20 for those sweet Crystal Roses

Snow Lotus or Tarot Fortuneteller

Crystal Garden or Room of Cinderella

Nikki with a sword or Nikki with a gun

Nikki’s Info or Momo’s tips

White Raven or Peachy

Elegant or Lively

Stars or Happiness

[aurumacadicus]

Re: stuckony and porny tumblrs. Now I'm imagining an AU where both Tony and Bucky/Steve run separate tumblrs where they post anonymous racy videos. They're fans of each other's work, Tony loves the way Bucky and Steve move together and the two men are enthralled by Tony's sweet noises. They start send each other messages - suggestions of what they want to see in the next video, compliments on each other's latest posts etc. (1)

Tony wonders what it would be like to be between the two, and they drool over the thought of getting to touch him. Eventually, one of them slips up, they reveal some small thing that only someone who knew them irl would catch. Maybe Tony uses the unreleased Avengers sex toys in a video? The other blog sees and realizes “OHMYGOD I/WE LIVE WITH THEM.” (2)

Well hello there.

It starts with Tony being lonely (because when isn’t he in my fic) so he’s searching Tumblr for couples trying to see what it would be like if he had a partner (one that wouldn’t mind doing the porn thing with him would be nice–or at least one that didn’t judge him for it). He finds this really popular one. And no wonder they’re popular–they both have nice bodies and nice hands and nice asses and holy shit okay wow nice dicks. Big dicks. Tony’s a little jealous because if he knew a guy with a dick as big as theirs he would climb him like a tree. He’s not a size queen, just… very enthusiastic.

So for giggles he sends them a message that just says “Hey by the way you guys have A+ dicks and I enjoy seeing them keep up the good work 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻”

And Bucky and Steve appreciate this because it isn’t someone being a creep (they expected that but it still gets tiring) and they’re curious who peachykeennsfw is. Peachykeennsfw’s header is literally just the peach emoji.

“That’s kinda weird,” they decide before scrolling down, and oh, it’s not weird, it’s–it’s self-awareness holy shit peachykeennsfw has an ass made by a master sculptor or a god or something.

“Holy shit,” Bucky breathes as he watches peachykeennsfw sink down onto a dildo with his beautiful ass.

“Oh my God,” Steve chokes out as he watches peachykeennsfw draw himself back up slowly and then drop down again.

And he messaged them first so it’s only polite that they respond, right? “Hey Peachy, that’s a pretty big compliment from someone with the world’s most perfect ass, thank you 🍑”

Tony actually fucking giggles when he sees the message. “Aw they called me Peachy.” It’s just the first part of his screen name but it still makes him feel kinda warm inside, so he sends back an only somewhat cheeky “That’s so sweet, any requests?”

The response is almost immediate. “Can you give yourself a little slap on the ass for us, sweetie?”

And that–that is the most innocent request, after so many messages telling him what he should use as a dildo or where he can put his mouth. Tony nearly giggles again.

Steve and Bucky actually cheer when there’s a video posted with the caption “For brooklyndicks40 😘” of Peachy giving himself a smack as he sinks down on a dildo, letting out a little gasp that only sounds a slightly overly dramatic. He gives himself a few more swats as he bounces on the dildo before letting out a sweet little gasping noise as he comes. Honestly if Peachy gave up videos and just posted sound clips of himself coming that would be fine too. And then they get a message saying “how was it boys” and HNG it was perfect thank you.

“Anything you’d like to see from us?” they ask, and wait with baited breath.

“Honestly can I get a close-up of your dicks? It’s been so long since I’ve been with a person who’s uncircumcised that I’d really like to be able to imagine one in my mouth in greater detail.”

Steve’s breath leaves him like it’s been punched out of him, and they have no problem making a video of themselves stroking off, paying special attention to their foreskins and imagining it was Peachy’s hands.

“HNG,” Tony says, hand clamping down on the bulge in his slacks as he gapes at the screen. He wants to put his mouth on them so badly. He makes do with imagining it. He’s getting flirty attention from people who don’t know who he is, only that his body is attractive, and it makes him feel warm and happy even if he is a little lonely because at least he knows they aren’t trying to get on his good side because he’s a powerful person.

Feeling sexy and powerful and brave, he sends them a picture over messaging of him fingering himself, and before he has time to doubt himself, he gets a message back, calling him sweetheart and honey and peaches and telling him he’s beautiful and they’re flattered that he’s giving them so much attention. He sends them more pictures, of stroking himself off and the results, his cum splattered on his stomach, over his hand, and he manages a flirty “for you 😘“ afterward that’s probably more true than he’d hoped to convey.

“I want him so bad,” Steve groans, rutting up against Bucky’s thigh. “Fuck that perfect ass. Mouthy little shit, probably wants to be spitroasted.”

Bucky hums and reaches down to stroke him off. “He’d probably like to be choked by one of our dicks,” he murmurs quietly. “But then we wouldn’t be able to hear his cute noises.”

Steve whines helplessly. Right. Those adorable noises.

“Why,” Natasha asks as she stares at a black bullet vibrator with a red hourglass on it.

“Are you actually surprised?” Tony asks, digging through the box and letting out a quiet hum when he finds a set of monstrously large green anal beads. “Wow. Some people’s imaginations, huh?”

Bruce glances up and spews his tea all over Clint, who whines loudly until he sees the beads and then chokes on his own spit.

“Veto,” Steve blurts out immediately. “Veto, veto, veto!”

“I hate to tell you this but a Captain America dildo already exists,” Tony tells him. Bucky throws his head back and laughs at the horrified noise Steve makes.

Thor leers at Tony playfully. “And just how would you know about it, Anthony?”

“I was buying a gag gift for Rhodey and stumbled across it while I was looking for the Biggest Blackest Cock,” Tony replies.

(He does not mention the blurry pictures he sent to Rhodey with captions of “SHGSKJSD” “HLP ME RHODNY” “IT SAYS IT’S A REPLICA OF HIS EXACT DICK” “RHODEY HELP” “MY DAD’S ROLLING OVER IN HIS GRAVE AND I’M CRYING” and then the picture of him leaving the sex shop with the dildo by his face, tears still streaking down his cheeks. “I’m putting it with the other memorabilia rest in pieces me.”

Rhodey sent back blurry pictures of him laughing as well and then finally one captioned “Did you even find what you were looking for because I already warned my mom what was coming.” He got Rhodey a giant pink one instead.)

Tony sends the veto off (he wasn’t going to let them develop an actual line of sex toys, there were impressionable children out there) but claims the box and everything in it for himself. “For situations when you least expect it,” he tells everyone, and everyone sighs and wonders how he’s going to prank them now. It’s bound to be hilarious but they’re always surprised how wacky his schemes are.

Steve stares down at the table forlornly. “We’ll talk to your lawyer and see what can be done,” Bucky says, patting his shoulder sympathetically. There’s gotta be something they can do. Lawyers today are pretty good about protecting their clients.

Steve is still pretty morose until they check their Tumblr and there’s an update on their dash from Peachy saying to expect a video tonight. His feathers are still ruffled but honestly the thought of seeing Peachy pleasuring himself is more important now. (Tbh sometimes Peachy gets Bucky through some bad thoughts too. He’s not just sexy–he’s flirty and fun when they message.) They’re excited when the video pops up, when it starts to load.

And then they see Peachy sinking down onto the huge fucking vibrator that had been called “Thor’s Hammer” that had been vetoed.

“What,” Steve says.

“The fuck-?!” Bucky blurts out.

They watch Peachy–Tony--take the whole vibrator in shock.

“…He couldn’t have chosen one of us?” Bucky mumbles after a minute.

“I mean,” Steve says, like it hurts him. “Neither of ours vibrated?”

“SO?!” Bucky barks, annoyed.

Peachy–Tony lets out a wounded little noise as he turns the vibrator on, body jolting. “Ooh that’s strong,” he whispers, and it’s only because they’re super soldiers that they hear it. His body trembles and he lets out a whine.

Steve still wants to put his hands on him. Bucky still wants to grab him and put him between he and Steve. Just because Peachy is Tony doesn’t mean he’s less attractive.

“I’m gonna get a boner the next time we train,” Bucky says when they’re lying together, sated. “I’m not gonna be able to do anything but imagine Tony riding dick when he’s sparring with Nat.”

Steve stares at the ceiling, frowning, because that sounds like something he’s going to do, too. And then Natasha will murder them. Then he sits up, smacking Bucky in the chest. “Buck!”

“OW Steve what the fuck?!” Bucky snaps.

“Tony doesn’t know it’s us! Tony thinks we’re strangers!” Steve wails. “His trust issues are already a mile wide what do we do?!”

Bucky opens his mouth but nothing comes out, because oh no. Oh no.

How were they supposed to approach this?!

[hayleeanise]

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