#saw this text post blacked out and woke up and here this was

[remyfire]

[dejwrld]

ʚ₊˚‧ ✿ no distractions, ushijima wakatoshi x black fem reader / nsfw + mdni

┊ •° ੈ ⋆° ┊ warning readers discretion is advised — black reader with descriptors, her/she pronouns, female anatomy described, established relationship (reader & ushijima are engaged), just some thoughts, quick drabble, mentions of reader being an influencer, nicknames (reader calls ushijima bear), alluding to smut but it ain't long just a paragraph or two, mentions unprotected intercourse, unedited, consider this a sorry for how long it's taking me to drop part 2 of marry you

He understood why Coach Susaku decided to rent out a traditional Japanese home for some of the players. Most likely to keep a close eye on some of them to ensure they make it to practice on time, keep their heads screwed on correctly before the season comes, and have no distractions.

He wasn't the one prone to break rules, especially with the start of the season so soon (in three days to be exact)—but he just missed her so much that he couldn't resist. A hot shower and an eager you up text later, he's guiding her in the darkness attempting to make as little sound as possible. Which he was sure was impossible because he weighed in at a whopping one hundred and ninety-nine pounds of muscle and was over six feet tall. Moving around stealthily even if he tried was going to be a challenge.

He wanted to mentally curse himself for switching rooms with Kageyama because he wouldn’t have to worry about going up the stairs. His original room was right down from the kitchen, closer to the back entrance of the house that was connected to the way of the hot springs. So here a 6’3, Ushijima was tip toeing up stairs the best he could so he can get to his room upstairs.

When him and his girlfriend finally made it to his room, he finally let out a sigh of relief. The first hardest thing he did tonight was done and he had to only worry about sneaking her back out before everyone else woke up the following morning. His muscular toned thighs can already feel the burn of the laps his coach was going to make him take if he found out he snuck his fiancé in a home where no distractions was allowed.

She was his distraction. He couldn’t help that he was strolling on social media and saw her post from earlier and his body got warm all over. He couldn’t help that he missed his girl. His true love. His other half. The two of them being so busy with their schedules by time they settled in bed, they’re snuggled up together or on their sides of the bed sleeping. Now that he was on the road, it felt like they were drifting apart. Not in a bad way, but more-so a way where their careers had them on a nonstop roller coaster. If he wasn’t away for a game, she was at a brand event in London. If she wasn’t at a brand event, he was training and practicing for a game.

“My bear is breaking the rules for little ole’ me. I feel flattered that he’s risking the most gruesome workout punishment for me.” Y/N giggles lowly while gently placing her sandals on the floor. She discarded them at the door to make the journey up here a little easier for the both of them.

Wakatoshi always cringes when she calls him that, but his cheeks always mask the cringe look he gives us by staining a rose pink color every time it rolls off her tongue. A silly nickname she gave him when they made their first red carpet debut. Quote on quote because of how big and stoic he was when they first met.

“Shh.” He brought his finger to his lips. “Not too loud. Hirugami’s room right across from mine.” He warns her before he’s sliding his white t-shirt off his upper half to get comfortable on the futon below him.

Y/N who came over here in just leggings and one of Wakatoshi’s worn out sweatshirts would nod and begin to slide her leggings off her legs. Ushijima felt like a horn dog for even looking, but who could blame him? They haven’t had sex in weeks. But he didn’t invite her over and possibly broke a house rule for that. He just missed her. Plus, he slept ten times better when she was in close proximity of him.

He climbed under the duvet first before she followed snuggling close to him. The warmth of her body forced Wakatoshi to swallow the harden lump that formed in his throat. His fingers running comforting circles on her body. They’re breathing practically in sync with the crickets that chirped outside.

“How the hell am I going to sneak out of here tomorrow?” She asks quietly.

“Just have to wake up early before everyone else does.” He responds placing a kiss at the crown of her head. The scent of her coconut scented conditioner engulfed his nose in a good way. A comforting way.

He had known she must have rushed over here because she didn’t bring her scarf for her hair. She simply just came with herself and her tote bag.

“I’m not much of a morning person, but perhaps that’s the consequence of sneaking in here.” She snuggles closer to him and lets out a satisfied sigh after bringing her leg to intertwined with his. Her foot teasingly rubbing up and down his calves.

“Baby.”

“Hm?”

“Don’t hm me, you know what you’re doing.”

“I can’t cuddle with my favorite bear.” She says

“Stop with the feet thing,” Wakatoshi warns.

“Fine. But can I get a goodnight kiss before we go to sleep?”

Even in the darkness of the room, he can tell she’s poking her full lips out at his words. She came over here with intentions to rile him up in some type of way. While he thought they was simply going to cuddle and fall asleep, she had something else slithering up her sleeve. She wanted him, which of course made sense. Her texts within him being away oozed with need of him. With how busy they were they simply helped the need with FaceTime calls and invisible ink videos. he still remembered the voice note of her sultry voice moaning out his name while she toyed with her pussy.

So, he's giving her what she wanted. Large hand bridging at the nap of her neck and tugging her into a kiss. He missed the feeling of her lips on his. Soft, delicate, kissable. It always made him feel like he was on cloud nine—laying on the softest clouds, receiving the softest kisses from an angel above.

When the two of them get started, you never can stop them. Wakatoshi knew this. One little kiss turns into making out. Making out trembles to him being in between her stretch-marks decorated thighs. Here he was rubbing his hardened cock on her clothed folds teasing her until her panties stuck upon her pussy lips. Soon he was on top of her, deep inside of her as her teeth bite at his broad shoulders to muffle her moans.

For some reason, through the harsh bites from her—he thought it was so hot. The thought of her poorly attempting to be quiet so they won't get caught. But as soon as he pumped forward one last time, her head fell back into the pillow to let out a dragged-out moan that Ushijima quickly muffled with his hand.

"Are you trying to get us caught, hm?" Ushijima questions through inaudible grunts, his words hitting the shell of her ear and sending a chill down her spine.

When Ushijima looked into her eyes, he saw a glint in her eyes that he'd seen many times. She always had this thing where she challenged him—he has grown to notice she does it so he fuck her a little more harder. Nibble a bit harsher on her skin. Kiss more passionately. The woman was going to drive him insane.

"Fine then.." was the last thing Ushijima Wakatoshi mumbled under breathless pants before hooking her thighs under his strong arms.

His coach said no distractions and he fumbled not even the first day in. But he couldn't help himself, he had such a beautiful girlfriend that he just had to be near her when they did have time. If he had to endure the most tiresome practice drills, he would take that risk, especially for her.

Days when the season started, Ushijima Wakatoshi was forced to run laps until he could remember the last fifty brands Y/N collaborated with all because Nicollas Romero let it slip out in front of their coach that Ushijima had his girlfriend over.

[sakuraryomen01]

His Unhinged Mind.. /Yandere! Gojo Satoru x Reader/ [Trigger Warning]

#warnings: crazy! gojo . yandere themes . dub/non-consented sex . Stockholm syndrome . kidnapping . emotional and narcissistic manipulation . tied up . ex-gojo x female reader . gojo being toxic . mentions of stalking . soft-to-rough fucking . "a good dicking-down" as punishment . gas lighting . mentions use of medication and drugs/alcohol as a way to cope with anxiety . cliffhanger ending! [OLD DRAFT]

#reader: female reader

#plot: gojo, your ex-fiance, comes to 'collect' you from your appointment with the family therapist and takes you to his home..

#words: 3.186k

#a/n: I was really on the fence about posting this, but I was wanting to write something dark lol. make sure to read the next authors note at the end!! ^^

. . .

Thank you for reading this bit! Enjoy!

You sat in that office, waiting for hours for your therapist to show up. Family was asking for you to go to these appointments after what happened with your fiance: just to make sure you were in a good place.

Everything that happened with him was like water down the drain for you. You didn't care anymore, he was gone. He couldn't find you after you had moved countries, getting an apartment and working a medium-waged job until you were positive that you were safe.

But that feeling of being watched never left you: feeling like there was someone watching you every moment of the day.

A set of eyes watching your every move twenty-four seven, all the time— constantly. You never could shake that feeling, and today your anxiety about it was only worse. The therapist, Naoya Zenin, wasn't answering your calls or texts as you sat and waited in his office.

It was nerve-wrecking, so you got up and left.

Opening the door only to bump into a large chest. You apologized, trying to quickly slide by but the person standing in front of you wouldn't move. Looking up at them, you started to speak when a rag was placed over your mouth and the smell of chloroform filled your nose.

You yelped, trying to not breath in the chemicals until the stranger pulled you into a hug and held the cloth to your face. The strength was familiar, though you couldn't pin where it was from as you slowly fell limb and fainted.

Nothing but black filled your sight as your mind went blank.

It wasn't until a while later that you woke up and you soon realized that you were strewn across a bed— wrists bound at the posts and ankles done with the same at the bottom. Your sight was fuzzy, but you could make out the small room you were trapped in.

You didn't recognize the small space: cold, grey walls with only one window that seemed to let light pour into the room.

There was a table on the opposite side of the room, with a chair to join it and a bookcase that was filled with books (obviously). You didn't know who brought you here, but you were scared.

Terrified, even..

That's when the door that was armed to the teeth with locks clicked and you saw it swing open. The cold steel door creaked open as a very familiar silhouette appeared and made your eyes wide with fear.

It was him. The man you left before your wedding..

Gojo fucking Satoru. Your ex-fiance.

"Oh, good morning, baby," His sweet voice cooed as he strutted into the room with a smile on his face.

Gojo didn't bother closing the door as he pulled himself up an extra chair and sat in it. Making the back face you as he sat in it backwards, spreading his legs and letting them rock from side to side as he resting his head on folded forearms. Your frozen body couldn't react: How in the hell did he find you?

You cleaned everything. Wiped all the data from your last phone, made sure to block him on social media before destroying it and purchasing a new one.

You even made sure that your passport and bank account had no connection with him. There was no possible way for him to know that you moved to the States. So, why and how was he here?

"Such a cute face, sweetie!" Gojo's smile was as bright as you met him during your first date. "I'm so happy I get to see it everyday from now on."

"How.." You started, trying to sit up only to be stopped by your binds. Looking from the ropes to Gojo, you sighed and stared at him in confusion.

"Satoru, how?"

The angel-faced male didn't respond, but instead stayed silent until you asked again. Only then did his smile leave and he looked over his sunglasses at you.

"Isn't it obvious?" He asked, his baby blue eyes shined in the light pouring through the window. "I followed you all the way here."

..You sick, sick man..

"What the fuck?" Your voice was laced anger as you tugged on your restraints again. "You did what?"

"Well, actually, I followed your mother.." Gojo said, ignoring your annoyance. "Such a sweetheart, forgetting to delete her Facebook account was the first thing she did wrong. The second thing was accidentally letting me in the house to 'collect' my things when I was really just copying your new address and phone number."

"You crazy bastard.." You muttered, feeling your heart beat thump in your ears as blood pumped through your body.

Gojo's smile returned at your words, balling up his fist as he rested his cheek against it. "I'm not the crazy one. You are, sweetie."

Scoffing, you sat up and rested against your shoulders. Glaring at your former husband and best friend— seeing that sheer amusement that was on his face when he was in a smug and happy mood. You wanted to slap him so bad, curse at him and spit in his face.

Even if your heart screamed differently..

"I'm not the one that left at the altar on my wedding day," Gojo said, scooting the chair he sat closer to your bed. "I'm not the one that used medication like sleeping pills to forget the day."

You know that feeling of helplessness? That sad and twisted feeling? It was starting to set in, feeling the walls of that small room close in and crush your lungs. Unable to breath as you started to panic.

Satoru, on the other hand, was smiling and explaining how he found you.

"After I managed to get your new location, I simply bought a ticket that next day and got here. Finding your new apartment and job— getting myself one too, of course— and just staking out the joint was easy too."

You pulled at the ropes weakly, pulling with all your might as you began to tear up. It was like the last year was playing through your mind all over again..

"After that, I found your therapist's office," Gojo piped, bringing you back to Earth. "I remember booking Naoya as a family therapist— sucks I had to knock him out in the janitors closet of that fancy office he has now."

You tensed, hearing those words. So that's what happened.. Gojo got to him before I showed up..

Gojo giggled, watching you turn to look up at him and smiled.

"Don't worry, he's just sleeping."

He stood up from the chair he once sat in and took two steps before resting his bottom on the mattress next to you. His angel blue eyes sparkled with glee as he looked down at your horrified face. Reaching up, you could feel the warmth his hand graced your cheek once he began to palm them gently.

Pressing his thumb against your chin and lips as if to prod them to move. To smile again. Anything.

"Sweetie, I don't know why you look so upset," Gojo cooed, letting his hand slide down your side and rub affectionate circles with his thumb against your hip.

"You're finally home again! It's been how long now since you decided to 'leave me', as you put it?"

"..A year and a half."

Gojo gave a surprised laugh, getting more comfortable in his seat and smiling widely. He's too proud of himself.

"See? I think you've had plenty of time to think about ditching me," Gojo said, crossing his legs and resting his elbow against his knee to prop his cheek against it.

"That hurt me for a while, watching you pack and get your things to leave. But I realized quickly that you were joking! You'd never leave me, after everything we've been through, right?"

You could feel your tears beginning to form at the corners of your eyes. Shifting in your spot as Gojo climbed up and pressed his hands on either side of your head, smiling down at you with that handsome grin you've loved for years.

"Your anxiety attacks... those sad episodes... we've been through it all. And knowing you're going away would've been so terrible to me if I knew differently."

You could smell that minty shampoo he used all the time, knowing he'd never change it. Even the glow of his skin was like it always was, despite the obvious eye bags underneath his eyes.

"You can't leave me," Gojo said, his voice lowering as he began to lower himself. His face getting closer and closer to yours as he continued to speak.

"I'm too important to you, Y/n. Even if your brain doesn't want to believe it, your heart still does. I know it does, seeing as you let me take you back home."

Feeling something grip your wrist, you looked up and saw Gojo's large hand firmly gripping your forearm. His fingers just barely grazing the ropes that confined you to the bed, feeling a sudden sense of unease wash over you.

"Do you know how long I've waited to bring you back?"

The feeling grew, looking up at your former lover and seeing that sudden darkness washed over his face. Eyes were wide and boring right into yours, a grin that hasn't broken still written across his face as he gave your wrist a squeeze.

"Months," He finally answered himself, blinking quickly as tears began to form. "I've been waiting so long after I found you, wanting to just steal you away and hold you forever again, but I couldn't. You were too obvious to take away from the outside world."

A chill was sent down your spine, trying to ignore that crawling feeling inside your gut. Desperate to leave and go back home, to where you were safe from him.

Gojo had always been controlling.. manipulative.. scary.

He was so sweet and kind, but always could have a switch flipped if he was triggered. There were times that his possessive nature got so bad that he was restrained at home from following you around to work and your additional work classes. That was actually a week or two before the wedding, when you should've noticed the signs..

"I missed you so much, Y/n.." Gojo's voice lowered just as his head did, his eyes glued to your lips.

That fluttering in your heart made you sick. Hating the fact you still found Gojo attractive even now. It was so hard to resist him, even after the shit that's happened between you both and the dark route Gojo has taken. Feeling that curl in your tummy as Gojo's pink lips pressed against your neck and cheek, warming your skin up as if it wasn't before, and making your body react almost immediately.

"I miss your smell, your looks, your clothes and smile.." Gojo's sickeningly sweet tone made your heart skip beats. His tongue runs over your collarbone as his teeth graze it, working his fingers down your arm and towards your front.

"There was so much that I wanted to do to you, but you were off being an adventurous little kitten. But, I finally managed to take you away and you're staying this time! I'm not taking any chances of you leaving or escaping me! Then again... you wouldn't want to escape.."

Gojo's large palm kneaded your chest, rubbing his thumb over your clothed nipple and kissing down your neck. Managing to open up your clothes and sighed, a smile on his pale face.

"Waa.. I miss these cute tits of yours, baby..~" Gojo bent his head down, kissing one of your erect nipples as you let out a pained whine.

You shouldn't be feeling so good.. You didn't want this..

"Mmn.. God, you still taste amazing up here," Gojo cooed, licking around your rosy nipples and suckling gently. The feeling of his soft tongue against you made you mewl quietly; you shouldn't be feeling this good.

Not from him. Not because of him.

"Haa.. Can't wait to fuck you," He mewled, his cheeks becoming rosy as he sat up on his knees. "It's the least I can do, seeing as you're all defenseless on the bed. Maybe this is why you ran away? To be bound and tied up for me? Oh~ you're so kinky, Y/n.."

In moments, Gojo was taking off your shirt, pants, and your undergarments. Leaving you exposed underneath him and cold. This was so wrong, so embarrassing, so crazy..

So why were you hot and bothered..?

"Oo~ Someone's been getting off to this, huh?" Gojo cooed, his hand dipping to your heat and running a fingertip up your slick opening.

It made you shiver and mewl, biting your lip immediately as if a wave of love and affection was given to you from two years ago. You shouldn't feel so good over a few touches, no matter how sensitive your slick clit was. How it throbbed and twitched under Gojo's fingers while he cooed.

"Aww, it looks like your pussy misses me, hun~!" He smiled, biting his bottom lip and creating a dent.

His fingers traced around your small opening, pushing his fingers inside so suddenly it burned. Your breath hitched in a quiet coo, your cunt squeezing and twitching around Gojo's fingers as they moved faster and faster. His own pants and sighs are audible as you got closer and closer to an unwanted orgasm.

"C'mon, let that orgasm out, baby," Gojo's tone is so weak it sounded like a plea, curling his fingers and rubbing your sensitive walls. Scissoring his fingers and rubbing your clit with his thumb. "So cute. Cum on my fingers, Y/n. Please."

"A-Agh.. nngh!" You cried, your back arching when you didn't want it, cunt squelching in unison with your wanton moans and whimpers, creaming on your ex's long fingers.

With a sigh, your eyes closed tight, your body relaxed as Gojo's fingers were pulled from your soft warmth. His cock already throbbing in his pants, his pink lips shiny as he drooled at the sight of your undone figure.

Why did you need to leave? He had given you a whole life and yet you left on your wedding day!

"God, seeing you like this just reminds me of our first time together," Satoru had started undoing his belt, the clicking of the buckle alerting you and making you look up towards him. "It was so hot and sexy, I swear I never thought that an ass could bounce that much on someone's cock."

"S-Sato.." Your cheeks burned as your ex continued to rant about your first with him, your eyes locked on Gojo's hardening front with a small whimper. "Please, don't do it.. I.."

"Shh, sweetheart," Gojo cooed, lifting your chin up and kissing you sweetly like his used to when he comforted you. The feeling of his plush and warm lips against your own made your pussy squeeze around the air. your eyes lidded as Gojo continued to lick and trace your hips with his fingers.

"I'll make you feel better, ok? So stop the tears and enjoy my dick like you used to."

Gojo's hips bucked against yours, his dripping cock head spilling some of his seed onto your navel. The usual sticky substance is warm and relaxing against your skin. Nerves under the small puddle of it relaxing as your hips were raised up to graze Gojo's cock against your opening. The twitching and pearled up tip rubbing against the flaps of your pussy, nudging as Gojo started to push.

It slipped without a second thought, pushing into your warm walls and practically gushing inside the stretching hole. The man that owned the needy shaft left out a weak whine, holding onto your hips with a gentle squeeze.

"God baby," He mumbled, his eyes fogging as the pleasure he was getting consumed him fully. Looking down at your shaky figure for a response as he snapped his hips and shoved it into you vigorously. "Feels so good, like always!"

You cry at this, clit grinding against Gojo's pubic bone as your toes begin to curl from the force of his thrusts. It was so good having him inside you, feeling the curve of his cock knock your g-spot perfectly and making you melt under his touch despite how much you wanted to kick him and push him away.

It was like a twisted torture you were enduring.

You wanted to run and hide, but stay and get pleasured by Gojo constantly. To feel those soft hugs and kiss his pretty white lashes each morning before he woke up and whine about how you missed his lips. Bickering back and forth about which store to go to or what things to buy when you got there.

All the soft and fluffy stuff that your soul and heart craved from Gojo's touch. Feeling him pressing you into the bed sweetly like he hadn't kidnapped you. Like he was making love to you, groping at your chest with his large hands and pinching your nipples.

Nuzzling into the crook of your shoulder as he picked up his pace, grunting and moaning into your ear while he pleasured himself with your hole.

Sick and twisted, that's the kind of love you felt inside.

"S-Sato, gonna-!!" You cried, arching your back into the restraints and pulling your legs up to fold against you, tugging at the ropes binding them to the bed. "Gonna come! Nghh!"

With a whine your pussy constricted around your kidnapper's cock, shuddering as your orgasm hit you again, almost like a punch in the gut but full of euphoric feelings. Gojo let out an excited mewl, his eyes entranced with your orgasming pussy. Rolling his hips roughly against your swollen pearl, watching it shiver under his touch as he continued to abuse your stretched hole.

"Yeah, baby!" He purred, tracing his thumb over your navel and down to rest above your clit. "C'mon, keep comin' for me. Go on!"

You couldn't hear him over your whines and the rapid beating of your heart, Gojo's words falling on deaf ears as he continued to thrust until he came. The hot and sticky ropes of his come painting your walls and the lips of your pussy.

He let out a sigh at the sight, running his finger up to collect a little of the semen he had spilt.

"Look at that," Gojo cooed, leaning forward and pressing his come covered finger to his lips. "You made me bust so hard inside, it made me a little tired."

Whimpering, your eyes were blurred and hazy, weakly locked with his. Watching as he slipped his digit into his mouth and licked up the messy substance, feeling his lips press against yours after he swallowed it. After a few moments of kissing and cleaning up your disheveled body, Gojo stands and fixes his pants, his glasses returning to their spot on the bridge of his nose.

"Now, my little dove, why don't we try this relationship over?"

a/n: this was a really old draft i decided to touch up and continue recently since I haven't been posting much. i liked how toxic it turned out since i've been feeling a certain way recently lollll anyways, i hope you enjoyed this and hope to get the next chapter of Valentino posted soon! ^^

a/n pt2: There has been a serious lack of posting as I've once again been unable to get the creative juices flowing. I hope I can get back to doing some drabbles and another chapter of Valentino soon.

[tunatoge]

like the branch of a tree – s. geto x reader

contents: canon divergence (suguru lives and is a teacher at jj tech), fluff, ooc, reader is also a teacher at jj tech, not mentioned but insinuated satosugu, insinuated nsfw, brief mentions of third years and possible manga spoilers, title is based off of 'would that i' by hozier, NOT PROOFREAD

a/n: this is my first time posting on tumblr, i'm nervous LMAO sorry for any grammatical errors

shoko is quiet as she sits next to you at a slight angle, her knees bumping into yours as the two of you look at her phone together. the two of you look at the silly selfie satoru had sent her and you frown a little. the picture he’d sent depicted him sitting on a bench in a weirdly rundown part of town, megumi pouting next to him. in the background there’s a copper haired girl peering outside of an old, beat down building with yuuji next to her. you know there’s a curse somewhere on the scene from satoru’s crudely drawn red circle in the air, an equally poorly drawn angry face in the center of it. 

you’re a little envious that satoru gets to hang out with his students. if kinji hakari hadn’t been suspended you’d be with both him and kirara. of course you didn’t have to supervise their missions anymore but you did admittedly miss your students. you were the only teacher on campus that wasn’t teaching–which was debatable seeing as suguru and satoru weren’t really teaching anything either. still, helping your students through some of the basic required educational courses would have been significantly better than the stacks of paperwork on your desk. 

shoko knocks her knee into yours, drawing your attention to her tired (but very pretty) face. she nods her head towards the door of the morgue and you instantly brighten at suguru’s appearance. his hair is completely down and his uniform jacket is draped over his arm. 

“morning,” he greets as he moves to sit next to you and shoko. “‘m guessing you two saw satoru’s selfie.” he nods towards shoko’s still unlocked phone as she hums in agreement and pockets her phone. 

“your hair’s down,” you say in response instead, not having heard his previous statement. 

suguru cocks his head to the side in confusion at your words before letting out a soft ��ah’ as he laughs bashfully in a somewhat boyish way. “i woke up late,” he admits, “i slept through my alarm and got to the school a little after the morning class.” he smiles somewhat awkwardly (pointedly ignoring shoko’s knowing look, her raised brow seemingly yelling, “i know what you and satoru were doing last night!”) before offering his wrist, “i was gonna put it up when I got here.” his smile turns from awkward to somewhat confident when he finds you blinking up at him, captivated by his long hair.

you look towards his still outstretched hand and eye the black hair tie before shyly looking back up at suguru. when your eyes meet, an unreadable look crosses through his eyes as he swallows. he looks towards shoko behind you as she smoothly pulls her phone out again, an unlit cigarette in between her lips.

“may i?” you ask, drawing his attention back towards you as you gesture towards his hair and he almost immediately agrees. when he offers you his hair tie again you softly shake your head and pull a bright blue one off of your wrist. he pretends to be blind to the tiny little bow on it as he shifts so his back is towards you. 

as you’re doing suguru’s hair, shoko texts satoru an image of you with the tip of your tongue out and your hands threaded through suguru’s long hair. she gets a jealous angry frowny face in response. 

that’s MY hair tie!! >:(

notes: satoru is the first years' teacher, suguru is the second years', and you're the third years'. satoru made you play with his hair after he got back on campus. he said it was only fair because you'd given suguru the hair tie he'd given you. maki made a face when she saw suguru's hair later in the day. she asked if the twins had done it for him.

[nevernonline]

✧.* grow as we go; svt smau.

entry #20 lost and found.

synopsis: over the past ten years you’ve fallen in love many times. one day someone happens to stumble across your journal sitting out on your nightstand and started posting your entries online. after all of your secrets are leaked it’s clear things would ever be the same again.

𐦍 paring: svt members x afab! reader.

𐦍 feat: non-idol! svt

𐦍 genre/s: reader is super angsty low-key, fluffy, sexual themes.

𐦍 content: swearing, bullying, crazy ex’s, mentions of sexual relations, some drinking& mary jane 🍃

word count: 3.3k (texts under the passage <3)

masterlist ▸ 019 anywhere you go. ▸ 021 we're so back.

Minghao wasn’t sure his tactic to get y/n alone was going to work, but it was his only sure chance to try. All night up in his hotel room he thought of different things to say to her, questions that had been brewing in his mind for the past two weeks since her failure of a birthday party and her somewhat of a disappearance. 

Wonwoo was still sleeping in the bed adjacent to his, he knew he’d have to be up early to get a chance to watch Joshua exit y/n’s home so he woke up before the sun and tiptoed into the bathroom trying not to wake his friend who might try to talk him out of his plan. 

The bathroom light woke his tired body up even more. Was it silly to even try to look good for her? What if Wonwoo was telling the truth? Y/n maybe really did ask to not see them and only trusted her true feelings with his friend over him. 

Something about Wonwoo even sticking his neck out so Minghao could go talk to her in private was enough of a clue that he was lying to her. 

Minghao grabbed the keys from Wonwoo’s car, temporarily abandoning his four friends at the motel. After all, he knew they would understand. He drove down the clean old streets of y/n's hometown and smiled, imagining her when she was younger walking around, grabbing ice cream, doing her school shopping, someday maybe he’d get the chance to experience it with her, but today wasn’t that day. 

Pulling up to the corner, behind another black car he checked the time on his phone and waited nearly a block away from her big front door until he saw Joshua pull out of her driveway. 

After sitting in the car for what felt like a decade, Minghao caught a glimpse of Josh running around the side of the house to his car and starting the engine. For some reason he didn’t pull out of the driveway immediately which made the pit in Hao’s stomach fall deeper. Was he waiting for y/n? Was his plan going to fail him? 

But, the universe worked in his favor as Joshua pulled out of the driveway all by his lonesome and headed the opposite way down the block. When his car was finally out of sight, Minghao stepped outside into the fresh air and walked up the front walkway to her house. 

Unsure if he should knock or ring the doorbell to insure she heard that someone was waiting on the front porch, he saw y/n through the large glass window and stared for a moment at the back of her head. 

Taking a deep breath in he decided on a light knock, waiting patiently for her to come answer the door. 

“Josh, Seriously you have a key why are you kno-” 

As the door split open to reveal the girl he hadn’t seen in too long, she gasped and stood to look at him with a blank face. 

“Oh.” 

“That’s all you can say?” 

“I’m not really sure what to say, why are you here?” 

“I didn’t believe anything Wonwoo had told me yesterday, can we talk?” 

“Uh, yeah. Come in.” 

Minghao stepped through the door into y/n’s world and followed her through the house to the kitchen. 

“Want any coffee, matcha, water, alcohol?” 

 “Waters good.” 

Grabbing two glasses one for water and one for a glass of wine y/n felt like she so desperately needed to ease her stress, she sat down across from him at the table. Her eyes puffy, her face dull and dry, almost like she hadn’t been sleeping and probably crying. 

“So?” 

“Well first of all, it’s good to see you. I don’t really know how to start off asking you anything, but I guess I really need to know why you lied about writing the letter?” 

“Oh. Well I didn-” 

“Y/n come on. We both know you didn’t write it. I can read Wonwoo like a book, he was insisting a little too much that you didn’t want to see us. I won’t entertain it for even a second.” 

“Damn, Wonwoo. Well, the night of the party after Mingyu left his office to go and help Minnie, uh, Mimi came in after the lights went out and she threatened me. She gave me the letter to sign and told me to block you guys and go somewhere else.” 

“Threatened you how?” 

“Just that if she didn’t force me out, she would never get what she wanted.” 

“Which is?” 

“She didn’t say. She just handed me car keys and a zip drive.” 

“Did you look to see what was on it?” 

“No. I don’t care.” 

“But, it could be something good.” 

“It might be and it also might be nothing, but I want to be done with her. I want no stress. I was so happy before she came back into my life again and for a moment I thought she really wanted to move passed whatever fucking issue she has with me and be friends. I really just don't understand the issue.” 

“She’s jealous.” 

“But, why? She’s successful, her parents have money, she’s not unfortunate looking at all. She has nothing to be jealous of me for.” 

“Joshua? Mingyu? Minnie? The list goes on and on, she never could make friends who liked her more than they liked you.” 

“They did like her. I thought once she got with Joshua it was over the first time, then all hell broke loose. It’s like whenever she’s around everything in my life that was starting to be good goes to shit.” 

“You have to stop letting her get away with it.” 

“I just don’t want to deal with it anymore, Hao I’m so fucking tired.” 

“You have to deal with it. I know it’s eating away at you, but if you let it continue, you let her take over your life. I know you would never forgive yourself for that. Plus, you have some dumbass friends helping you and one smart one. Seokmin, Jun, Vernon, and Wonwoo need you, your the glue. They’ve been so sad thinking you just left for no reason other than you didn’t want to see them anymore.” 

“And you?” 

“Yeah. Of course. Why do you think I'm here convincing you to come back and be with us? I’d even offer to get on my hands and knees and beg but I don’t want it to come to that.” 

“I mean you could.” 

Minghao laughed at y/n’s small bit of sarcasm coming back to her, when he heard someone opening the front door, thinking it was Joshua he got up to leave when y/n stopped him and got up herself. 

“Dad? Where do you think you’re going, I said if you need something to let me know.” 

“Ah, honey. Just wanted to sit in the sun for a few minutes, and didn't want to bother you and your friend.” 

y/n looked over at Minghao, putting her finger up to gesture one minute, wrapped her arm around her fathers and led him towards the back of their house. 

Minghao just smiled back, watching her walk away out the patio door, helping her dad with his cane as she opened the door up and sat him in a chair under the sun. 

Before she came back in he studied how well she took care of him, placing a pillow behind his back slowly and comfortably, pointing at a tree to show him a bird, and a gesture which made Minghao think she was asking him a question. 

When she came back in she headed straight to the fridge and grabbed three cans of beer, walking back to Minghao cuddling with her dog on her childhood couch. 

“Come on.” 

“What?” 

“You’re going to have a beer with my dad, come on. His request. Bring Lucy with you.” 

She smiled gesturing to her small dog sitting on Minghaos lap, he gracefully picked her up, getting nervous to meet the man y/n had amazing things to tell him before. 

“Don’t be scared, kiddo. I don’t bite.” 

“Nice to meet you sir, I’ve heard a lot about you.” 

Minghao opened a can of beer, placing it in the older man’s slightly shaking fingers, making sure he had his grip just right before opening the two following cans. 

“So, you’re the boy my daughter told me about huh? The artist.” 

“Talking to your dad about me, y/n? Wow.” 

“Na, once or twice.” 

“She doesn’t shut up about you, you might out rank Seokmin.” 

“Dad no-“ 

“No, let the gentleman talk, y/n. I want to hear it.” 

Y/n just shook her head, sitting back in her chair, blushing slightly. 

“Nothing but good things of course, I kept begging her to bring you over. But, she never did. Keep bringing that Joshua instead. He was never my favorite kid, nice, but a little bit of a follower.” 

“Well I'm glad she finally let us meet even though she didn’t have much of a choice.” 

“Me too. I heard you used to be a little bit of an artist yourself, in the kitchen.” 

“Oh, definitely. Those were my glory days, now all I have to show for it is a little bit of a messed up leg and some grease burns, but the memories of it is all that matters. My restaurant is going well even without me, maybe it hurts my pride slightly as a perfectionist, but my wife knows her way around a kitchen better than me at this point.” 

“Ah, so y/n’s mom took over for you when you left?” 

“She always was in the kitchen with me, sous chef, that’s how we met. Many, many years ago. I was pretty new in the restaurant industry, we met at a cooking class. Been going strong ever since.” 

Minghao smiled watching y/n hear her father relive his life with such pride. He knew how much her parents meant to her, but now he understood why she loved to be loved, it was what she was used to, what she needed. He was the same. 

“A shame I didn’t get to meet her then.” 

“Well, she’ll be home-“ y/n’s father looked down at his watch, “An hour probably, you can stay for dinner if you like. Maybe y/n can show you how we are in the kitchen.” 

“I don’t think he can stay, dad. His friends are waiting for him at the hotel.” 

“Nonsense, call them a car, I’ll give you money.” 

“But-“ 

“Y/n, no. I insist. I have lots to talk to my new friend Minghao about. Get them here.” 

Minghao pulled his phone out, texting Wonwoo to get ready to come over to your house with the rest of the guys. Saying sorry he took so long to let him know how it was going. 

“Alright, sir. I let them know and called them over.” 

“Sir? I’m far too young for that, call me Wynn.” 

Y/n stood up from the table, excusing herself to go and take a shower, giving a slight look to her dad, almost begging for him not to embarrass her before waltzing inside followed by her small curly haired dog. 

Minghao sat and listened to many stories about her parents' lives, everything that went down with y/n before he had met her, he almost felt her father let him in even further to her life than she had on her own. 

A woman Minghao had assumed was y/n’s mom, considering her good looks and similar bone structure walked onto the patio, beaming a smile at her husband and coming over to kiss his cheek, took one look at Minghao and he already knew she was aware of who he was. Which was a confident point to him, y/n really did talk to her parents about him. Maybe he’d probe her later about the types of things she may have said. 

“Who’s this striking young man, honey? Where’d you find him?” 

“Well, he came over pleading to me to buy some candy for his fundraiser, and figured I’d give him some beers in exchange for candy.” 

“Ah, smart.” 

Y/n’s mom came over to Minghao as he stood out of his chair to greet her with a hand outstretched as she pulled on it and gave him a big hug. 

“I’m only kidding, I know who you are. I’m sure my husband told you our silly daughter doesn’t shut up about you.” 

“Good things?” 

“Oh, of course. Don’t tell her I told you this but, I think she may have a bit of a crush. I see why.” 

Minghao blushed, still holding onto her moms hand. 

“She must have forgotten to tell me how beautiful you are, I see where she gets it from.” 

“Oh, wow. A charmer. I love that. You’re staying for dinner?” 

“Yes, if that’s okay.” 

“I insist, if my husband hasn’t already. What would you like?” 

“Y/n actually made me that chicken recipe of yours… if it’s not too hard.” 

“Oh, she definitely likes you. Not hard at all.” 

“Honey, y/n has some more friends coming. How many did you say, Minghao?” 

“Four more. If that’s okay?” 

“The more the merrier. I’ll go get started. Where is that girl anyway?” 

“Shower.” 

“Okay, don’t hesitate to make yourself at home. I’ll go get started, gentlemen.” 

Y/n sat on the floor of her shower, letting the hot water rush down her skin. Wanting to feel it burning into her as she contemplated how dumb she’s been. 

She felt awful for letting her friends think she didn’t like them, that she was doing horrible things to make them hate the girl who was actually doing them to her. 

Was she excited to see her friends? Of course. But, she knew it came with a bunch of unanswered questions they couldn’t get to until later considering she never told her parents the new chapter in the Mimi saga, they already hated her for the past, but they would hate her more for this recent fuck up. 

She was looking down at her wrinkling hands as the door opened to the bathroom, a cold rush of air hitting her skin under the warm water. 

“Honey? Everything okay?” 

“Oh. Hi, mom. I’m good, just shaving.” 

“Alright, sweetie. When you’re finished would you mind helping me in the kitchen? If not, that's alright.” 

“Of course. I’ll be down in a second.” 

“Alright.” 

Seconds after her mom shut the door, y/n shut the hot water off, basking in her last moments of solitude and got ready to head back downstairs. 

As she was walking around the corner of the staircase, she heard a familiar voice at the door, Seokmin. 

Her best friend. The one person she felt the most guilty not talking to. 

Her mom was basically yelling with joy seeing him and Jun walk into her house again, as well as greeting two more new faces with her infectious cheerful nature. 

She told her to grab the cooler of drinks from the kitchen and head outside to meet her husband and Minghao. 

Y/n wasn’t sure how to make her entrance. 

As she reached the kitchen, her mom just gave her a small smile as she was cutting into the various fresh veggies from her garden, nodding her head to the door, forcing her to go greet them. 

She took a deep breath in, taking a sip of her moms wine sitting on her marble countertop and headed outside. 

“Y/n!!” 

All four of her friends greeted her loudly, the two of them who’ve known her the longest nearly having tears welling up in their eyes. 

“Hi. You guys look so nice? I’m in pajamas. What the hell.” 

“Go change, come on. We were telling your dad we’re having a small birthday party for you tonight.” 

“Jun, you don’t have to-“ 

“Shut up, yes we do. Now go. Minghao help her, she will need it.” 

“Guys no.” 

“Go, go, go.” 

“But my mom-“ 

“Honey, mom will be fine. Go on.” 

“Okay.” 

Y/n let Minghao back up the same staircase she had just come down, he took in the walls full of family photos and young pictures of y/n as she led him to the pastel blue colored walls of her childhood room. Full of posters and moments of her life. 

“The closet is slim pickings here and don’t mind the bedsheets, butterflies were super cool okay.” 

“Butterflies are still cool.” 

“Sorry we didn’t get to finish talking before and for my parents, they love company.” 

“No. They’re amazing. I see where you get it from.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Can I ask an innocent question?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Is this the room that, you know.” 

“Mimi filmed me in? Yes.” 

“Oh, sorry.” 

“Don’t worry. So, my closet is obviously here. Overflowing. Uh, yeah, have at it, Hao.” 

“Also can I just say right here right now, your dad is fucking cool.” 

“Really? He’s not embarrassing you?” 

“No. He’s fun.” 

Y/n just laughed, sitting crossed legged on the edge of her twin sized bed. Waving him along to do his work. 

“What about… maybe this?” 

Minghao pulled out a long sleeved black dress, something y/n only bought to have in case the boy she thought she would love forever asked her on a date. It’s never been worn even though it’s been in her closet for years. She almost hesitated and said no, but the butterflies in her stomach watching Minghao pull it from the closet changed her mind. 

“Okay.” 

She got up and grabbed it from his hands, staring at it admirably as he watched her eyes light up. 

“Cover your eyes, please.” 

“Sorry. Okay.” 

Minghao didn’t even question her, he took his hands over his eyes as he closed them and listened to the signs as she was getting undressed. He never looked, even though he’s seen her less than clothed before. 

She tapped his forehead to let him know she was done, giggling as he jumped a little not knowing their proximity. 

He opened his eyes, staring at her. Unaware his jaw had dropped to the floor as he looked at her up and down, pulling his hands from his face and running them down the sleeves covering her arms. 

“Wow. That’s so..” 

“So? Bad? Good? What?” 

“Beautiful, yeah good obviously. It’s nice. Why have you never worn it?” 

“Oh, I was saving it for something special.” 

“Ah.” 

Minghaos hands still rested on her arms, staring into her eyes. Feeling the urge to kiss her, but didn’t know how to move. 

She just looked back at him, smiling, almost wondering why he wasn’t making a move, before a knock came onto her latched door. 

“Guys? Dinners are almost ready, come on.” 

They broke apart at the knock, leaving the lingering tension in the air around them. 

“Have we really been up here that long? Your dad will hate me.” 

“No, they know I would never do any funny business. Probably just assumed we were busy talking or something.” 

��Okay? Good.” 

“Can we finish this later?” 

“Y/n are you flirting with me?” 

“I think so?” 

“Good enough for me.” 

As they ate dinner, drank, and laughed y/n realized what she had been missing. 

Her friends, no matter the situation, were always here for her. 

The decorations, the flowers, the small cake they had picked up on their way over was all an effort to prove to her they would always have her back. 

When they all finally snuggled up into bed, her last thought was she would do anything to have it back, without all the complications. 

note: hi, omg? I have been so busy, but like literally am finally able to be here and post my last (2?/3?) chapters of this wild ride. sorry it took me like... forever?? but pls enjoy. I missed u, sorry it's sort of short also?and chaotic? yes. am I just apologizing.. uh, yes, but ok anyway, lolol? also my friend surprised me w/ txt tickets for my upcoming b-day so uh... cunty. ily ily. (also did not edit excuse me ok lol, bye)

taglist:@sun-daddy-yoriichi@hipsdofangirl@kissesfrmwonwoo@minhui896@wonwooz1@porridgesblog@jasssy051@soonyoungblr@saucegirlreads@musingsofananxiouspotato@young-adult-summer@punkhazardlaw@bibs-world@the-swageyama-tobiyolo@wonuulvr@woozixo@k-drama-adict@90s-belladonna@blaycke@dnylwoo@to-mi-yo, @nonononranghaee @bee-the-loser @mxnhoeuwu

[joesheistyy]

Driving in his Benz - Joe Burrow

I've never been a taylor swift girlie but midnights is iconic and I was inspired by vigilante shit sooooo here you go :) more angst? yes please! ending in some fluff? count me in!

2.2k words || cussing || some harsh grabbing

-------

Of course your evening was spent bickering with Joe. This was the second night in a row you two just couldn’t get on the same page about a handful of things. Once again going to bed angry with each other, backs facing each other.

In your late high school days, the way you’d cool down from heightened emotions was by going for a drive. Could you do this in Cincinnati? Sure, but it wasn’t as soothing as driving back roads in southern Indiana. It was definitely much preferred to do during the day. As you fell asleep, you made a plan to get up and just drive to get your head on straight when you awoke. 

When you woke up, you did not have the energy to deal with Joe. Needing to be caffeinated before any hard thoughts came to mind, you decided to go to Panera to grab a coffee and a charged tea. Of course those drinks would be spaced out throughout the day, you just needed an out for the morning. This would probably be another item Joe would want to bicker about-your caffeine intake. 

You put on your favorite oversized crewneck and Lululemon leggings before you left the bedroom, making as little noise as possible. What you didn’t know was that your stirring before getting out of bed woke Joe up. He wanted to start the day off on a good note, hoping to talk things through over breakfast, but you had already gone down the stairs and grabbed the keys to his new Benz.

The sleek black car was parked in the garage, windows yet to be tinted. You lifted the garage door before turning on the car and picking out your “bad bitch” playlist. Joe was able to hear the garage door open and close, he knew driving was your go to outlet to clear your head, so he let it go. 

After an hour or so, you had picked up your drinks and were driving with the windows down, cool spring air flowing throughout the nice car. You pulled up to a stop light, blasting Vigilante Shit by Taylor Swift and singing along with the song, dancing in a way that made you feel hot. What you didn’t know was that the car stopped next to you knew who you were and snapped a video of you in your own little world. Swiftly posting it to twitter. 

Joe was sitting on the couch at home, almost in a wallowing state. He just wanted to talk things through in a calm manner because he was just as tired of bickering as you were. Little did he know, the video of you was blowing up on twitter. His phone pinged from his pocket with the special text tone for his manager. 

Yo dude, what is your girl up to? There’s a video of her blowing up all over twitter.

Joe had no clue what you were doing, opting to trust you to clear your head without causing a scene. 

I’ll handle this. Was Joe’s response to his manager. 

You continued on the windy back roads, blasting Girls in the Hood by Megan Thee Stallion. A text came through the car’s ApplePlay. 

What the fuck are you doing, y/n? Get your ass home right now. The car read out to you. 

You let out an aggressive sigh, opting for that over tears. “Hey Siri, text Joey Boy back and respond with you don’t own me, don’t tell me what to do.”

That ring states otherwise honey. What made you think you could take my car without asking? Get home now, it’s about time we sat down and talked. 

These words making your heart sink to just about you asshole. Your anxiety had been heightened all week with the constant bickering. The phrase or anything close to we need to talk always seemed to make any situation worse in your opinion. 

“Hey Siri, respond to Joey Boy and say Fine, as you wish.”

You headed home, opting to take the longest route possible. Pulling into the neighborhood of your shared home, you took some deep breaths to try to calm your anxiety. As you opened the garage door to park the car, you saw an angry faced Joe waiting at the door to enter your house. 

“Y/n, what the fuck?” he emphasized in a stern tone, shooting daggers with his eyes. 

“What? I really don’t understand what you’re so upset about,” you huffed out, tossing your hands in the air as you approached the door to enter the house. 

“You don’t understand? How could you not understand?” he led you into the house, anger obvious not only his voice but in his tense back and shoulders. 

“Joe, I just wanted to clear my head. Why can't I do anything without getting bitched at?” You retorted, hanging the keys on the hook by the garage door. 

“Don’t start this with me, y/n. I’m not happy with you,” 

“Yeah, obviously,” You rolled your eyes, setting your drink down on the counter. 

Joe swiftly turned around, once again glaring at you in a way you had never seen before. His blue eyes were dark, eyelashes framing his gorgeous orbs in a scary yet beautiful way. His fist slammed on the counter as he began to take a deep breath. You could only imagine what was coming. 

“Oh my god, y/n,” He began as he rolled his eyes and huffed, “do you have any idea what you’ve done? First, you take my car without asking me, then you get caught and recorded in my car that you didn't ask to use, singing some stupid ass song about driving in a Benz or whatever the fuck it was, dancing and looking like an absolute fucking idiot,” he continued as his cheeks and neck turned a red as bright as a rose. Arms flying around as another outlet for his anger. 

You looked at him with emptiness filling your mind and body. He never had a problem before with you taking his car out. Plus, he always thought your singing and dancing was goofy, who did he think he was to call you all these things?

Looking up at him yet trying to avoid his scary eyes, you could see his breath hitch in his chest. “Babe, I-” you began.

“Don’t babe me, you're in the dog house with me right now,” he said, beginning to walk away. 

“So what? We’re not gonna talk about this? You’re just gonna bitch at me over something that I do on a normal basis? Alright Burrow, have your way for now. I’m done,” you directed yourself to the stairway. Joe swiftly came up behind you and grabbed your wrist with haste. That’s gonna hurt later.

“No no, you’re not done. We're talking about this now,” Joe forced you to follow him, pushing you down to the couch which caused you to swiftly get up. Inches from his chest, you look up at him, finger poking his chest with as much force as you could handle. “Don’t you ever handle me like that again,” you jabbed at his chest. Pushing through his strong stance, you headed toward the stairs determined to get away from him. 

Joe didn’t chase after you this time, he had practice in an hour and decided he didn’t want to get into it with you. His practice bag was in your shared bedroom where you had locked yourself in. As you heard his footsteps approach, you grabbed his bag and tossed it onto the floor outside the door, making sure to close it with a harsh nature. You could hear him sigh as he retrieved his grey bag from the floor. You took a couple deep breaths before sliding down the door, blocking any entrance with your weight. 

You hated to cry in front of Joe, so once you heard the garage door close, you felt safe to come out of your little pity party. Heading downstairs to give yourself a change of scenery, you plopped down on the couch where just a few minutes ago, you were scolding Joe for grabbing you in a way that was uncomfortable and not in a sexual way. Tears beginning to fall uncontrollably. You pulled your legs up to your chest, opting to put your crewneck over them so you could curl into a little ball and cry. 

You soon heard footsteps. What the fuck, Joe is at practice, isn’t he? You thought to yourself as you lifted your head to look around and see if anyone was there. After determining that you were alone, you went back to your little sob fest. All the emotions from the previous bickering fights catching up to you. The way Joe yelled at you really did your emotions in. 

Footsteps approached you and you felt a weight dip down on the couch next to you. You jolted out of your crewneck, craning your neck to your left to view Joe sat down next to you. You blinked a few times to try to clear your cloudy eyes as you pulled your body out of your crewneck ball. He sighed and tried to scoot a bit closer to you, only causing you to scoot further away from him. 

“Can we please not do this right now?” you sobbed. He sighed again. 

“Honey we need to talk,” he began. There were those words again. 

“You have practice and you need to go,” you began. He reached out to grab your hand. Your left hand to be exact. That alone scared you more than anything considering the absolute rock sitting on your ring finger.

“I texted Zac that I’m gonna be late. You’re more important to me right now,” he stated as his features softened. You scooted into him a little more, opting to rest your head onto his shoulder. The lack of physical touch lately didn’t help with all the bickering. Your sobs wracked your ribs. Joe knew you hated to cry in front of him, but it was inevitable after the recent events. 

“Joe I can’t stand this bickering and arguing anymore,” you sobbed again. He took an opportunity to give you a soothing back rub. 

“I know, y/n. I can’t either. Everything has just been eating me up and building up lately and we need to address all this,” he said, slowly turning to look at you.

“Why do you yell at me the way you do, Joe? It’s so hard to want to be kind back when I get talked to the way I do when you’re upset,” you spoke with shaky breaths. “I feel like I have to defend myself to you when you raise your voice with me. That’s why when we bicker, it feels never ending. How am I supposed to stand there and take criticism for every little disagreement or every little thing that makes you upset?”

“I don’t know, babe. I just get so lost in my own emotions that sometimes things just come out that way,” he began. 

“No Joe, they always come out that way. But when you start attacking me for things like singing and dancing, that’s when it goes overboard. You can’t keep criticizing me for things I do when you’re worked up,” you said with a more stern tone. 

“I’m sorry, y/n. I’m going to try to be better,” he said, grabbing at your hand again and fiddling with your ring. “This ring is supposed to represent my undying love for you and I’ve done the opposite. I promise I’m going to work to be a better fiancee so I can be the best husband. I love you y/n and I can’t lose you. I’m so sorry for the way the cards have fallen lately. I deserve to be blamed and torn into,” he said, looking down in embarrassment. 

“Babe I’m not gonna bitch back at you the way you yelled at me earlier. While I don’t appreciate the way I’ve been talked to lately, you don’t deserve to be talked to like that. I just need your help in talking things out before shit hits the fan, got it?” you looked at him, waiting for him to look into your eyes and agree. He nodded, leaning in to kiss your forehead. You both sighed as you leaned into his chest for comfort. He held you so close and tight like it was the thing he knew how to do best. You both needed that tight embrace. 

“No more talking to each other like that, got it?” you pulled away as you spoke.

“Of course, future Mrs. Burrow. We can settle things like adults because we are adults,” he showed a soft smile.

“Now go to practice, Burrow. You shouldn’t keep coach and the team waiting. I’ll be here to hug you later. I’m just glad we talked at least something out. We can talk more out when you get back,” you held out your pinky and wrapped his into yours. 

“I love you, y/n. I’ll be back later,” he got up and rushed out the door. You sighed and leaned back into the couch in hope that more talking to each other would help cure all your anxieties. Maybe even going for a drive, together...

-----

lmk if y'all want a part two, I've got some ideas up my sleeve!!!!!!

[unma]

Oh jeez y'all are really squeezing all the angst out of me. I tend to post a bigger proportion of my angst fics compared to fluff, so I'm kinda looking through for half completed angst wips now.

After some digging I did manage to find a couple angst wips that were at least partly written. I have way too many angst ideas I have yet to actually put down into wips and going through this has made me realize I really should be writing these down more.

Anyway so I found a secret third Grimm's Hollow Fic I had forgotten about sitting around, and all that's written so far is Lavender having a bad time, and the title is named regrets, so I might as well share it here lol. This one's shorter so I'll post it as an image here. If that's hard to read, a text version will be below the cut

...Where was she? She slowly opening her eyes, or at least attempted to. She felt tired. Groggy. But she felt the fatigue fade over time. She opened her eyes. Around her stood pitch black darkness. She could see nothing. She tried to move her arms. It felt exhausting. The fatigue wasn't fully gone. But she could see her arms, at the very least.

She tried to get up. Slowly but surely she made her way up, only to fall back off her wobbly legs. Why was she so tired? She couldn't remember. She groaned. She tried to remember how she got here, but nothing came to mind. And for a minute, that continued in silence. In peace, till she heard him.

"Lavender?"

A small ghost floated into view ahead of her. It seemed familiar. She couldn't really tell where from, so she focused on his voice. Why did she want to run up to him and hug him? Why did she feel the sudden urge to protect?

And then she saw his cheeks. Those swirls. ...Timmy? Her brother. What was he doing here?

She forced herself up once more. She was still sluggish, still slow, but she moved anyway. From behind Timmy, a light flickered into existence, growing in brightness and threatening to swallow him up. She forced herself to run towards him. She could only barely walk towards him faster, however. She reached her hand towards him. Anything to grab hold of him before the light did.

But soon, the light grew so bright she was forced to close her eyes.

Then she woke up.

[ghostsprettymama]

MONA LISA.

“ i want you to give in”

Warnings: smut,bullying,panick attacks,alcohol and possible drug use, anxiety, talks of suicide,toxic relationships,fatphobia,gun violence, throw up. MDNI.

Word count: 4,274 words 22,560 characters

pairings: Riri williams x Black! Reader fluff, shuri x Black! reader, top!black reader x gang member ! Shuri udaku

ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18+ UNLESS MENTIONED OTHERWISE

A/N: NAUR BC I WAS WORKING ON TS IN MY DRAFTS AND I ACCIDENTLY DELETED IT 😭😭 BUT TYSM FOR SM LOVE ON THE LAST POST HERES PART 2.

part one part three

blue text = whispering.

Y/N pov

You woke up in your room . With no collection on how you ended up there, but you do remember why you have this massive ass hangover, you checked your phone seeing Shuri’s message on instagram.

you squinted at the messages smiling, but your momment got ruined by your Brother “ wake yo ass up or T and all of us are leaving yo blackass home and you're gonna miss your first day" Said Erik on the other side.

You groaned getting up from your bed charging your phone while you went to the shower "siri play my song. " you said in your gentle morning voice.

Your phone responded automatically playing your song while you showered putting on your F/s bodywash, taking care of yourself in the shower, stepping out when youre squeaky clean and smelling good.

Youd put on your fit for the day stopping the music, taking your phone and charger with you, along with your purse so you have other mecessarities with you.

you went downstairs heading outside while Erik was waiting for you, he looked you up and down "Fuck you goin lookin like that" Erik said glaring down at you, the 6'2 man said looking down at you "take ya blackass back and change, my sister aint going out like no whore" he said.

A whore? You're dressed like a whore.. you look at him your pretty eyes threatened tears, your pretty makeup threatening to be ruined. "nono please, bee I promise you can go like that you aren't a whore" Erik said to you, your tears no longer threatening to come out.

You both headed to the car and the Udaku sibblings followed behind, shuri looked you up and down Before smacking your ass when the older brothers arent looking.

"SHURI-"

you yelped and the men turned around looking like someone was about to be murdered, both of them reaching for their hips, shuri motioned for them not to and you didnt understand why.

"sorry saw a spider" the two tall dudes sighed shaking their heads "dont do that shit again unless you want us to make sure someones not breathing anymore" said T'challa shaking his head getting in the drivers seat after unlocking one of his many cars, but he only used this one for school. you reached for shuris' hand but she shook her head " youre big now, you dont need to hold my hand" She obviously teased,

You just got in the backseat of the car with shuri, the two men sitting up front. you thought about what she had said, it made you upset either way, but you shook your head listening to one of your second favorite songs

SHURI POV

she looked at instagram going to her dms, seeing one unread dm from Riri, a close friend of hers, they werent at all interested in eachother but here and there theyd joke like they were.

She looked at the previous convo trying to remember what and who they were talking about and why, these two werre notorius shit talkers, but aint nobody stopped them, even if they can they cant.

Ohhh... she thought ttyping fast with her digits trying to carry on with the conversation hoping Riri isnt mad,Not that Shuri needs her, she js enjoys her prescense as a friend, she held Riri dearly to her.

She rolled her eyes turning her phone off, Shuri knew Riri was just concerned about Y/n, after all the school they go to is fucked up, but its the closest and least expensive one.

T'challa pulled up to the school everyone but Y/n getting out, Shuri decided to show out and open y/ns door helping her out the car. She held her hand as they walked into ths school, everyone looking Y/n up and down

"Why are they looking at me shuri.." she said to shuri in a whisper, "well maybe because youre a woman thats fine as fuck coming to a bigass school, and holding my hand?" Y/n bobbed for the answer and got the wrong apple, Shuri took the ' sarcastic asshole ' response in return for a dumb question.

T'challa pov

"You two already got your schedule right?" T'challa said turning to them, hoping to god they didnt forget the schedules at home or theyre gonna have to drive back. Even if T' challa seemed to be some ' big scary gangsta ' as titled by peers. He rather not be late to class.

"yeah, i got me and i put Y/n's schedule in her purse so we good." Erik said, T'challa got closer to erik when he pulled schedule out, shit was so crumbled you could barely read the words on there. "My nigga what the FUCK is this??" t'challa looked at him with his signature look on his face.

"Bro leave me alone i was rushing" said Erik looking back at him as if he got hit in the head with a hot comb. they both broke out into laughter not being able to take looking at eachother like that. "anyways we got the same schedule, what about you two?" T'challa looked at the girls who were already gone.

"did they ju- " T'challa turned to erik and he nodded, both of them shook their head in sync. "kids these days.."he said causing erik to chuckle.

They hated eachother but still kept the unremovable bond of their good friendship, who even knows why they arent actually friends anymore. The tale is like a mystery to people. Neither T'challa or Erik open up about it, but only shuri and the udaku sibblings mother Ramonda knew.

homeroom period bell rings

Y/N pov

She sat by Shuri and her friend Riri we met while walking around,both were on each sides of me and it mad me feel safe, she adjusted her braclets bracelets, some teachers gave her work the students were already working on,i only had gotten it due to the fact that shes a " hard worker".

Riri nudged me motioning me to pull my jacket up and cover my chest, I raised my eyebrows looking down, shit...she left hickeys on my chest you thought to yourself zipping up your jacket "Thanks Riri..." you smiled at her and she gave you a fist bump. "its nothin, a sista helps a sista out" she said as the bell rang your homeroom teacher coming in, damn she was fine.

RIRI POV

Shuri better not let this one go, i actually like her. She sighed to herself after fist-bumping her, Watching Miss Romanoff come in Rolling her eyes, she desperately loathed that woman with everything in her damn body.

“Good morning class we have a new student today, could you stand up” said Natasha,Riri glanced at her and she got up walking to the front,

I dont got a good feelin about this, She looked at shuri and shuri nodded feeling the exact feelings

Y/n POV

She got up, coming to the front of the classroom waiting for it to go silent. She gave her usual pretty smile. “ Hello im Y/n L/n and i hope this school treats me right”. She was going for her seat before Romanoff said something.

“ any facts? Like your family or you” She said to Y/n as she sat down, she looked at shuri before looking at riri, both of them shook their heads. “I Rather not, thats not anyones buisness in here anyway” you shrugged sitting back down, finishing the papers you had gotten.

Romanoff's eyebrow raised before she went to her desk handing you a paper and book. Youd put it aside before putting the papers in youur pink folder putting it in your folder.

you felt eyes on you, when you turned you looked at a white boy with brown hair and dark eyes trying to uncover who you are.

But his friend next to him calling him, causing the boy to look away.

You raised an eyebrow at his actions, a weird one you thought. Maybe he wanted to play a game, but you werent interested in some white boy with a staring problems games.

After class

you and your two friends left first standing by the lockers and talking about what had happened, shuri paid attention to your body language taking note of Peter, if he made you uncomfy she would do something about it, if he didn't then he was fine.

“Yeah, the weird guy? Peter, he’s usually talking to ned in their world, I don't know what's up with me today.” Riri said shrugging it off, you dismissed it too not caring about him either way, shuri looked at Peter and ned while you two talked. “I just find it weird that the nigga was staring at me like I'm the Mona Lisa,” you said uncomfy with what he did. “Hold that thought” riri and shuri went over to the two guys.

you were on your phone as you suddenly looked up seeing two red marks on peters face.

Shuri POV

She was paying attention to her friends body language “I just find it weird that the nigga was staring at me like I'm the Mona Lisa,” said y/n shifting her body showjng she was uncomfy. almost immediantly the two girls looked at eachother nodding oou im gonna beat this dough boy colored bitches ass. shuri thought " hold that thought" she said as she moved off the wall going over to Peter and ned, they wanted nothing with ned he was cool for now.

"What the fuck is your problem," Riri said staring up at Peter. She didn't care at all about the height difference in height, after all the bigger they are the harder they fall. Riri put her finger in the middle of his chest roughly pressing it against the middle as if it was a knife. “So you just gon’ creep my friend out and stare at her? We know the shit you're trying to pull Peter and stop digging for shit you shouldn't even know” said shuri spitting venom at the male before giving him a big smack to the face

“Hey man in sorry for him, he was j-” ned tried to defend his friend but Riri interrupted him "Shut the fuck up ned, this dont involve you" she stared at him as if the poor boy committed an act of murder to her friend. "if you wanna keep ya girl mj, even if that bitch is yours, leave Y/n alone" said Shuri walking away with Riri.

"does she even know why shes not at that school anymore? or about the shit both of your familys do huh?" Peter said as he was trying to anger Shuri and Riri more. “Its none of her buisness” said shuri as they kept walking .

“What does he-”dont worry about it” Shuri interrupted as they continued walking, Y/n looked at them before catching up to the others

LATER

Y/n pov

you sat on the bleachers watching the two play basketball for gym class recording it to watch later on my camera, when the bell rang shuri lifed her shirt whiping her sweat off, her sports bra and v line showing, along with the lovebites and kisses from lastnight on her body. you stopped filming putting the camera in your purse staring at her body.

"you like her ? " a voice said to her causing her to jump, her purse being sent all the way to shuri from her jumping so much . you turned around looking at the pretty girl beside of you "kiana" she said to you, her name so you nodded saying yours "Y/n" you said smiling to her. Her entourage was behind her watching the two of her “oou shes pretty... Is that Shuri's girlfriend?” said one of the girls “Thats Mariana, ignore her” you nodded “so what was your question” you adjusted yourself looking at Kiana, you weren't scared of her and you knew what she was trying to do. “a statement actually, You shouldn't like shuri, shes like of dem playgirls” she looked at your hickeys and kisses shuri left on you. You nodded getting up “mmh. Kiana rii? Yeah. Just because you were one of her hoes or rejected by her, dont mean you get you and ur friends to scare me away from my childhood bestie, i know her more then you ever would” you declared showing no form of emotion, Riri and Shuri called for you as they came out the lockerooms.

“It's ‘ight, she doesn't like fat bitches ‘nyway,” said Mariana, causing you to turn around and stare “ that's crazy becausee... She didnt say that last night. “ you shrugged it off walking past your bag, and giving shuri a little kiss on the lips, you dont know what fueled you but you did it anyways.

“What's with the sudden kiss?” shuri stared then looked up to see Kiana and Mariana then back to y/n who bent down to pick her bag up causing her to stare.

“Mmh y/n..” she stared for the longest time before smacking it, loud enough for the gym to hear. You flinched turning to shuri with a face red as a tomato. “Payback” she’d say smiling, Mariana and Kiana walked over to shuri putting their arms around her.

“Hey, baby. Why are you fucking around with someone like her I thought you liked us” Mariana said her acrylics Circling them on her chest. Shuri smiled at her getting lost in the momment " you know its not like that ma im up for anyone i can do what i want, nobody gon' hold me down anytime soon." she used the same nickname and voice she used for you. "shuri." said riri and kiana hushed her.

you had a “ did this bitch really just...” face on offended at how your two faced friend was acting"Nah Riri let's go. let shuri fuck around with her hoes like she always does" Youd say leaving and not waiting for riri, the bell rang for lunch, you were hurt bad.

Riri POV

" you said you wouldnt play her Shuri, i knew you were a damn lie" Riri said spitting venom at her as she got her bag leaving " like you said her soft ass wasnt gonna last here" Riri turned around staring up at shuri. "yknow what.." she clocked both of the thots on shuris dead in the nose. " fuck you and your thots, you know i dont fuck with this playgirl shit" she said leaving.

Riri saw the girls go the same way y/n went as she looked both at Kiana and Mariana "oou im sick of yall." she ran after them following them to the bathroom

Shuri looked at the two , realising what she did and said was wrong, "fuck." she sighed movinf past them and going to the lunchroom to get Erik.

Riri on the other hand came in the bathroom seeing the other 4 girls bang on the stall Y/n was in . she heard her crying and hyperventilating, she was havinqg "either yall gon' get the fuck out or im airing this bitch out right now." Riri reached for under her shirt, the girls stopped running out as she sighed, sitting by the stall

"Hey Y/n you 'ight ?" she leaned against the stall listening to her cry." Shuri probably didnt mean it, she was lo- " she got interrupted by the sounds of her throwing up and the toilet flushing. soon y/n came out, sitting on the counter in the bathroom.

" im Fine, i know sex doesnt mean you love them its whatever, we were drunk" y/n said i saw her try to keep a straight face, but she failed crying her eyes out again, her makeup was ruined, you signed hugging her, she burried her head into riri's shoulder as she patted and rubbed y/n's back to soothe her. "lets get you prettied up again yeah?" said Riri as she used makeup wipes from her gym bags cleaning y/n's face. "you know how to do make up?" Y/n sniffled asking you. "girl hell yeah i do? ion got lucious lashes like you do but shiit i got the falsies that look like yours. I wish i had your features" Riri said with a smile, doing y/n's makeup for her.

"Why'd you say that? youre so pretty and strong Ri, and you stand up for your friends ." She smiled. wow shes so pretty, why does she play games with shuri.. id deffinently treat her right. Riri shook her head as she didnt know why she had these thoughts, she wasnt going to act on it either, shes not that kind of person. "thanks." she smiled

Y/n pov

She was so nice to me and i dont know why, Riri turned my face to the mirror, i smiled seeing my new makeup i hopped down giving her a kiss on her head hugging her . " thank you so much Ri!"

Erik, T'challa and Shuri came busting in and we both sighed turning to them. "what the hell happened in here?" T'challa said , Shuri looked at you hoping you returned contact, still hurt by what you said you didnt look at her. your focus was on T'Challa, " nothing. it isnt important " you said turning back to them going back to talking yo Riri.

Erik came over putting his hand on your shoulder, thinking its shuri's you smack it off turning around " the fuck do you want?? didnt you already do en- you turned to eriks face staring you dead in the eyes. " Were serious y/n. what the fuck happened." He said trying to intimidate the answers out of you, well not trying you already are.

"If i said its nothing then its nothing micheal! im sure you know because the captain of hoes over there already ran her mouth. instead of fucking helping me from her sillicone dick crazed hoes." you screamed starting to go off because you were getting overstimulated. "i dont need a damn knight right now because i got fucked over five minutes ago just because one of Shuri's crazy ass fans" you pushed past them leaving , you decided to hide in the darker part of the schools library.

The lights were busted here, you curled up into a ball sighing, your eyes felt heavy, and behan to close, eventually closing for a good time.

you got woken up by someone moving your head to their lap, you open your eyes trying to see who it was shuri. you were too tired to argue so you just sat up sighing.

"what time is it," you asked her as she looked at you, she had a look you saw the look on her face that you never saw throughout the 13 years you knew her. "its 4th period, almost over but why the hell are you hiding here." said shuri looking at me with a cigarette in her mouth.

“Number one.” you said as you took the cigarette from her mouth. Stomping on it, "two if you wanna talk to me do it respectfully" you straddled her lap looking her in the eyes you got close to her almost close enough to kiss her " you can speak now, and dont use nicknames" you said crossing your arms.

Shuri Pov

Shuri blew the smoke away from your face fanning it before diverting her attention back to you " why are you jealous if we arent dating" i said rasing a brow trying to get the answers out of her

Y/n hesitated before huffing, her cold breath blowing on my face. " Because you make my heart race, you give me butterflies and just make me wanna do things to you.. " she got close to my lips and my heart began to race, but she pulled away, her eyes looking at me full of lust and anger. " then why dont you act on them ma." i said smirking knowing that'd set her her off.

"I said no names," Y/n said yanking my hair back and causing me to look up. "you already pissed me off acting like a player, I know damn well you arent one" she’d positioned herself to be looking down at me. “ i want you to myself shuri, im not sharing you, i want you to give in “ she said, her lips kissing mine.

her lips went to attack my neck leaving love bites, and bite marks. The arousal this woman is causing me will be the death of me, part of me wants to make her work, and another just wants her so bad, but i deffinently cant do this relationshp shit, its scary.

“How about you work for it? Yeah?” i said mocking her but Y/N absolutely didnt like that,she yanked my hair causing me to moan. “Okay okay, fuckbuddies yeah? How about tha -

“stop fucking talking.” she took my shirt off of me. She sucked and kissed my collar bone causing tiny moans to escape my mouth, her tongue swirled and flicked on my nipples, and I heard the librarian nearby. Oh fuck. Please baby don't do this right now. “Shut the fuck up then” Y/n whispered before going back to attacking my breasts, her fingers sliding to my pussy, her digits Massaging my clit in a circular motion.

god damn she was so sexy like this. I moaned in her ear causing her to bite my nipple, the pain causing my pussy to get wetter, her fingers entered my pussy fingering me nice and slow, the squelching being able to be heard.

Shuri tried to speak but got interrupted by Y/n’s thumb rubbing her clit in circular motions, She felt so good right now, Finally, y/n would let go of Shuri's hair .

Peter and neds voice was heard and that made y/n smile, “ma, no. We can continue late-” she whispered to the angered y/n pulling her pants down. She yoinked her panties down not even giving shuri a second to speak, immediately eating her pussy out. She blew cold air against Shuri's’s pretty soaked cunt, she used her tongue to explore her pretty cunny(cunt,pussy). Shuri gasped for air her hips rocking against her face riding her high.

Peter and Ned slowly got closer and closer. “Baby I'm gonna cum fuck, please me just like that I'm so proud of you” Shuri would say keeping their eye contact with y/n. “mmh cum in my mouth, please i wanna taste you “ said Y/n.

Shuri bit her lips as she squirted in Y/ns mouth,Shuri panted then moaned louder when y/n was licking her clean.

Y/n licked my thighs clean before fixing my pants and underwear, i stood up fixing it myself.

“do you forgive me?” Y/n Nodded turning to shuri “cmon were gonna be late” i said going down the stairs holding her hand.

Y/n pov

I smiled to myself, that didnt settle the jealously but i knew I did what those hoes couldn't. Pride filled my stomach as we went down the stairs facing Ned and Peter who had shocked faces on.

“well.. We were sent to look for you” said ned beginning to turn around to the entrance of the library, walking away.

Peter sighed rubbing his temples. “in a school...” he said with disappointment in his voice Shaking his head “could you two like?? Not wait to fuck at home?” he said stating the fact that we have a problem.

"you mad i got to her first peter?" said Shuri getting in his face. "see thats your problem. you assume i want her because i was staring, i was only doing so because shes pretty and i was curious" said peter looking down at shuri.

"So you hit him for no reason Shuri?" I said turning to her with an eyebrow raised. "well he made my friend uncomfy, so i fixed it Udaku style fym?" she said acting as if she didnt assault a man because he made me uncomfy. i shook my head .

"well we gotta go peter last period of the day." i said skipping on to the next class.

------

CLASS STARTS

I wrote notes down in my notebook for history, since its black history month today they were studying Marsha p. Johnson, i paid close attention the whole class.

i had sat next to erik,shuri and riri. T'challa didnt have this class anymore since he passed the test with full credit.

Erik had his glasses on since we sat far and he needed to see desperately, sometimes I’d et him copy my notes as long as he changed it up, Mariana and Kiana came in with busted noses and black eyes.

my phone dinged and in sync we all checked the gc.

i looked at riri and she whistled looking at the sky, we all laughed as the bell rang, all of us going outside to the car.

Eventually we made it home in time for my rest,i went on the steps and felt shuri turn me around giving me a deep and long kiss. evemtually i pulled away before it lead to anything else due to me being tired. "thanks ma, for coming back" she smiled smacking my ass before she left.

i smiled at her watching her till she went inside, going inside myself getting ready to sleep

----

A/N: this took long as hell to write my fingers hurt 😒. LEAVE A LIKE BELOW IF YOUD WAANT MORE

[sxp3rpoet]

mornings w/ shoto

slight drabble, might be continued if liked. sypnosis: shoto misses seeing your face, and decides to pick you up and take you to school.

warnings: fluffff, slight cursing, black!fem! reader x slight!ooc! shoto, friends, not established relationship. enjoy!

You woke up to the sound of your phone ringing. 

You always left it under your pillow, due to countless nights of texting your friends till late, exhaustion would creep up on you and you would leave it shy to your pillow. You moved a lot and eventually it would cover the phone.

You reached for it, only to see it was an incoming call from your best friend, Shoto.

“What the fuck?”

You picked up your phone and straightened your body so your back was against the bed post.

“Y/n.” Shoto’s face wasn’t looking at the camera, but rather ahead of himself. He was in his audi, probably on his way to school. One of his arms were guiding the steering wheel with a calmed ease. 

“Shoto?” You responded, not putting your full face in the camera.

“Are you at home?” He asked as his eyes flickered to the camera fondly.

“Yeah, why you wanna come over?” You asked, you wouldn’t be objected to him coming over, but you had school, and he might have to wait until after.

“No, well, I want to drop you off at school.” 

You, who was still in bed, looked at your surroundings. You hadn’t even packed your bag, nor picked an outfit. You hadn’t even decided whether you'd style your hair or just let it down.

“Okay, will you be here soon?”

Shoto nodded. “Ill be at yours, in roughly about 10-20 minutes.”

You were sweating as you agreed. “Alright Sho, call me when you get here.”

He nodded, smiling lightly. “See you soon.” And he hung up. 

“Aye, Fuck, I got fifteen minutes to get ready.” 

Everything was a blur once you got out of bed.

You quickly removed your bonnet, allowing your butterfly locks to cascade gently, you quickly put on your shower hat and took an efficient shower.  You dried yourself and quickly applied your face care, then you removed the shower hat and began to wear your underwear. You also applied your precious coco butter all over your skin. 

You decided to pick out a ruby red skin-tight top and bell bottoms. You added on your layers of gold necklaces and bracelets. As well as an extra pair of sweatpants in your bag for dance practice. You wore a simple pair of Jordans and quickly picked up your tote bag and slipped it on. 

Your phone vibrated urgently on your bed, a text from Shoto proving he was here, and you were out the door.

As you approached the white Audi that was parked in your front yard, shoto was leaning against his side of the car, his phone in his hand. He saw you coming forth and stuffed the phone in his pocket, smiling slightly.

"Hello, pretty lady."

[doyouknowbtsswag]

A Flash Of Time |Jung Jae Chan|

A (H/C) girl smiled shopping for new clothes. She grabbed two outfits and started to walk to the cash register. Before she could make it to the register blood seeped through her shirt.

"No!" Hong-Joo yelled sitting up on the bed a tear going down her cheek.

Hong-Joo caught her breath and grabbed her post it writing down what she remembered from her dream. She ran her fingers through her hair as she got out of bed. She placed the sticky note on her window next to the many others.

"I feel like I've seen her before" She mumbled before making her way to the bathroom.

———

Jae Chan dropped two bags and ran to a (H/C) girl seeing her falling with blood coming out of her stomach. A person turned his head as Jae Chan passed him pushing the man away out of the way. He was crying putting pressure on the wound and yelling for people to call 911.

Woo-tak woke up looking around remembering he was on patrol with his partner.

"Let me drive" Woo-tak demanded as he took off his seat belt his partner looked over confused and pulled over.

"Don't take your seat belt off that quick"

Woo-tak ignored him as he got out of the car and walked to the driver's side. He waited till his partner got out anxiously looking at his watch. He caught a glimpse at the time and date thanks to the wall in the background. He saw what the place looked like which he concluded to be the clothes store in the mall. Once he got in the driver's seat he looked at his watch at 12:07. The clock read 12:29 in his dream and the mall was 15 minutes from where they were. Woo-tak turned the sirens on and sped to the mall.

———

I smiled laying on my bed texting Jae Chan about what time we would meet at the mall. We both decided after dating for a year and a half to move in together. I was moving into his house which meant I would also be sharing a house with his brother who is not aware of this. That's the point of this shopping trip in a way. I wanted to get him a small present in hopes he'd be fine with me moving in. I got up and got dressed leaving my phone on the bed. I decided on a baby pink shirt with black pants. I brushed my hair and added mascara and lip gloss as I didn't feel like fully doing my face. I grabbed my phone, purse, and keys and walked to the door. I slid my sneakers on and made my way to the bus stop. I went on the bus and I saw Jae Chan looking out the window saving a seat for me. I made my way to him and sat down. He looked over and smiled.

"I'm glad you're finally off work so we can go on a date," I said as he smiled.

"I just finished a big case so they gave me a day off"

"You deserve more than a day with all the work you've been doing recently"

"It just comes with the job" He smiled before holding my hand.

"Well I'll always be by your side even if everyone hates you," I said.

"How can anyone hate this face," He said letting go of my hand and putting his hand on the side of his face.

"You'd be surprised mister," I said hitting the red button indicating to stop the bus. "Come on"

"What's that supposed to mean," He said but I just smiled and walked off the bus.

"Mm, nothing," I said smiling as he grabbed my hand. We walked inside the mall and I saw a clothing store I've been meaning to go to. I decided to wait not wanting to drag Jae Chan into the store wanting to surprise him. We kept walking till he stopped.

"Do you mind if I go to another store real quick?" He asked.

"Sure" I smiled. "I'll go to the clothing store"

"Alright, I'll meet you here in about ten or fifteen minutes"

"Sounds good" I smiled.

"I promise I'll be quick," He said kissing me softly.

"Take your time" I smiled.

"I Love you"

"I Love you too"

He kissed me on the cheek again and walked away. I walked inside the store looking around for something worth to wear. I was getting tired of wearing the same clothes on date nights and wanted to impress Jae Chan with new outfits. I smiled at the memories of past dates making me 10x more excited to buy a few new outfits.

Jae Chan walked to the store holding two small bags. He was going to propose soon so he was over the moon when shopping for stuff he needed for his idea. He thought of what to get Seung-won as you keep insisting to get something for his little brother. He walked back to where you two originally left off.

I grabbed two outfits and started to walk to the cash register. I made eye contact with Jae Chan and smiled before I could make it to the register I felt something go through my side. I looked down and saw blood on my baby pink shirt. Jae Chan dropped his bags and ran to me seeing me falling with blood coming out of my stomach. He was crying putting pressure on the wound and yelling for people to call 911.

"It'll be alright" He whispered. "I'll keep you safe"

I looked at him barely able to think. I looked up seeing Jae Chan panicking. I did my best to stay awake holding onto his white shirt accidentally getting blood on it. He kept whispering I love you's and stay awake for me. I made eye contact with him seeing tears fall down his face. The face that deserves a smile, not sorrow. The world started to go black as I lost consciousness.

Woo-Tak ran into the store and froze. He was too late to stop the accident however not the person. Woo-Tak looked around trying to find the face that appeared in his dream. He spotted the man from the corner of his eye and ran after him. The man started running trying to get away from Woo-Tak but he was too slow as he was pushed to the ground.

"I'm Lieutenant Han Woo-Tak from Sangku Division. You are under arrest for attempted murder. You have a right to an attorney and the right to stay silent" Woo-Tak said as he handcuffed the guy who was trying to slip from his grasp.

Woo-Tak called for an ambulance even though others did the same. Kyung Han came running to where Woo-Tak was bewildered by seeing Woo-Tak suddenly arresting someone.

"Ya! You can't keep running off when trying to get someone alone" He said.

"Duty calls" Woo-Tak simply said. "Charged with attempted murder"

"What?"

"He stabbed a young girl in the clothing store," He said looking back. "Can you take him for me? Thanks"

Woo-Tak booked it back to the clothing store shooing everyone away to give space to you two. Jae Chan was a crying mess and Woo-Tak felt awful for not being there on time to help. He placed a hand on his friend's shoulder which made no effect on Jae Chan.

"It's gonna be okay, she's going to make it I promise," Woo-Tak said trying to help him.

He watched as the paramedics moved Jae Chan to the side so they could reach you. Once you were moved onto the stretcher they wasted no time in taking you to the ambulance. Jae Chan raced behind them wanting to be with you. Woo-Tak walked worriedly, he didn't meet you much. All he knew was you and Jae Chan were dating. On his way back to the cop car he picked up what he assumed the bag was Jae Chan's. He continued his way back to the cop car seeing that he was finally in the back. Kang Han whipped his forehead looking at Woo-Tak.

"You owe me now"

"I know" Woo-Tak gave a fake half-smile. "I'll drive to the station and do the paperwork"

Kang Han nodded getting into the car. In the mirror, you could see the man glaring back at him. The only thought that went through his head is why he chose to attempt to kill you. He hoped you'd make it for Jae Chan. Woo-Tak frowned and made his way back to the station letting them know in advance.

———

Jae Chan ran with the paramedics and was allowed in the ambulance. They pushed him to the side as they made sure you were still breathing. He stopped himself from crying even though he wanted to do more. Panic set inside him his eyes darting at every moment the paramedics did. He watched them apply pressure where the wound was and how they made sure the oxygen mask stayed on. Once they made it they rolled the stretcher out and he jumped after. He followed them for as long as they allowed him as he broke down in the middle of the hallway. A nurse had to escort him to a chair and let him know she would tell him how she was doing. He stared blankly at the wall blaming himself.

If only he didn't take you to the mall. If only he went with you to protect you like he promised when you first started dating. He waited hours not leaving the seat he was on. His conversation with his friends and brother were dry. The only thing he looked forward to was waiting for the nurse to tell him the news. Hong-Joo would normally ask several questions to cover the news and get the scoop but she didn't. Even if she tried he wouldn't answer. He thanked Woo-Tak for catching the person who tried to kill you. Oh, would he do his best to convince them to take his case during prosecution.

"Mr. Jung?" The same nurse called his name as he swiftly got up ready to bomber this nurse with questions. "Fortunately he didn't puncture any important organs. Even though she did lose a lot of blood we are going to monitor her for a while. Follow me"

He didn't ask any questions like he originally wanted to. All he wanted to do was see you and make sure you were fully okay. He wanted to be by your side when you woke up. Once they made it to the room his heart broke seeing you hooked to a monitor that caught every beat you made. He gently sat down and held your hand.

"I'm sorry" He whispered tears falling down his face.

"Here," Woo-Tak said gently holding the small box.

"Thank you" He whispered stuffing it in his pocket and paying attention back to you. Woo-Tak patted Jae-Chan's back and left. Jae-Chan stayed by your side till they kicked him out because of visiting hours. He frowned and walked home on his way he got a phone call. He picked it up noticing it was from his work.

"What?" He said bluntly not in the mood.

"We have a case for you," Mr. Choi said

"Listen I don't-"

"It's about what happened at the mall"

"What?"

"It's your case except"

"I'm handling that?" He said his voice piping up a bit.

"Mhm except the person already has a lawyer"

"Who?" Jae Chan said.

"Mr. Lee"

His eyes opened wide and he stopped in his tracks whatever slight happiness flew away.

[bells-of-black-sunday]

Allow me to be unhinged on main and finally write the post where I break down Tar's lore and how I interpret it. It's most certainly not cannon, but it's how I view and write my Tarhos until we actually get things that talk about him as a person. Something something there's a joke here about me not having reading comprehension and it's okay to disagree.

Part one: His Store Page Lore

I’m going to start with the lore on his profile. It’s quite a long read as he’s from the era where they started transitioning to longer and longer backgrounds for both survivors and killers, but inside of it there’s not actually much of substance. I mean… what does it actually tell us about Tarhos as a person? Let’s dive into it.

“ Tarhos K.ovács didn’t remember much about his childhood, but what he did remember he would chase his entire life. He remembered the cries and screams in the village. He remembered his mother forcing him to swallow a thick, black fluid like medicine. He remembered collapsing to the hard floor only to awaken in a mass grave, buried under a crush of bodies, with the sound of the village burning in his ears. He remembered pushing, pulling, and climbing to the top of the bloody mass only to be seized by the death, destruction, and silence—the indifferent and impenetrable silence. A high-pitched whine suddenly sounded in his ears and his skin began to prickle as he realised he was in the presence of something he couldn’t possibly understand. And though he couldn’t articulate what he was experiencing, he knew it wasn’t pain, grief, or fear. It was something else. Something closer to— Awe. “

Putting the entire paragraph here since it’s the opening, but Tarhos is already a deeply traumatized man. He was thrown into a pile of bodies that he had to physically claw himself out of as a child, it’s natural for anyone to freeze in that kind of circumstance. There’s also the first hints that he may have already been touched by the entity in there with the line: “ A high-pitched whine suddenly sounded in his ears and his skin began to prickle as he realized he was in the presence of something he couldn’t possibly understand. “ While I don’t necessarily think he was, I think this is just his mind reframing what he saw and experienced as a literal child to cope with what happened to him. Reframing something he never could even begin to understand at that age as him being in awe of what he’s witnessing especially when we get into his later philosophy in life that he talks about in his tome where he thinks life is about violence from your birth til you die.

There’s also the mention of his mother, which put a pin in her; we'll get to that later with his tome. His mother unsuccessfully tried to poison him to save him from the life he would later have which is tragic in itself, but he woke up. He was probably still feeling numb from the effects of whatever she had him drink when he did wake up in that pile which can dull the senses which also can lead to this “awe” like numb feeling that’s described. I don’t think he’s nearly as violent and heartless as keeps getting hammered in over and over again in the text, because it just doesn’t support it at least in his pre-entity life. In fact… we know next to nothing about it. Not even from add ons and in the cosmetics that do talk about it, they say quite the opposite. Most notably his moth cosmetic where he lets a moth go instead of killing it despite looking at it like it’s weak and helpless in his palm. 

We know he has restraint. I do also want to call attention to some quotes that still talk about when he’s being shipped off to Italy.

“ He didn’t even react when they carried him off to a horse-drawn buggy and locked him up in a small, wooden cage with other slaves. ”

“ And even as they rode away telling him he was headed for Italy, Tarhos stared through the wooden cracks with eyes wide open and a heart wanting to understand what could not be understood. “

Again. This lack of reaction from a child who is coming back from a near death experience, this to me reads less as him being mesmerized by the situation around him and more like the second quote. He’s trying to understand. That’s the last we get of his childhood even in his tome it just expands a tiny bit on what we already know. There’s no sympathy for him. There’s no mention of anyone pitying him and trying to comfort him. He is just another piece of cargo to be traded and sold. He isn’t human. That feeling can also lead to that sort of dissociation where you’re just a passenger in your own body, not reacting to anything and certainly not being able to even understand what’s going on. I know I keep harping on it, but it’s important. He’s not an evil mastermind who was born that way, he’s a child. 

Moving onto the midpoint in his lore where it again doesn’t talk about him as a person, but instead talks about other things. How he belonged to the Guardia Campagnia where he trained under “Kadir Hakam” whose role is literally not stated, but judging how privileged Tarhos is as a slave (he gets granted a literal title of nobility that is “Knight”) I’m going to assume he’s either close to the captain or the captain himself. And I do write him like he is, because as stated Tarhos gets this title that I’ve literally never read about being given to foot soldier slaves, not that it never happened I might not be looking in the right places, but it certainly wasn’t the norm and to grant that title you have to be a member of nobility yourself. 

That and it’s unusual to name drop a person and never bring them up again. Usually if someone is named dropped they hold some sort of importance. Regardless, in the same paragraph it mentions Tarhos learned how to fight, forge weapons, repeat a code of chivalry and obey whoever employed him obediently. This is probably where his hatred for authority comes from. In his tome he talks about how he hates people that are cowards. People who lie to themselves about what they’re doing to justify it, he says that he’s been raised around knights and lords his entire life and they’re all that way. He despises them, but we’ll get to that in a bit. This is backed up by his normal lore where in his own eyes he sees other mercenaries, probably free men, as hostile and competitive only finding a small friend group in the faithful three who see him as their ticket to freedom. These are the only people Tarhos seemingly trusts and some of the only people he later comes back for.

“ Years passed. Blood flowed. And yet, all that killing still didn’t bring Tarhos closer to what he had experienced in his village. Nevertheless, for his bravery in battle, Tarhos was granted knighthood and freedom. The Hungarian slave was now liberated, his brutality rewarded, though his heart still longed for something else — something he could not name or describe. “

I do want to point out how he was granted knighthood for his bravery in battle immediately followed up with it being a reward for his brutality. Not that they’re opposites, no, it’s just odd when we’ve never been told anything about him being brutal in his campaigns or mercenary work before. Just again with the faithful three, him being courageous and efficient in battle. You’d think for someone whose so evil and brutal and obsessed with death what he’s done a majority of his life would be talked about more, no? Why would it only be brought up now when he’s free? Bhvr writing aside, Tarhos takes no pleasure in what he does. His heart still longs for the silence and awe that he experienced in his childhood, he’s never gotten that from what he’s done despite being in probably countless similar situations. 

This is when Tarhos takes up his long contract with Vittorio that’s just escorting him on his hunt for relics so he can get the money to buy his friend’s contracts out. While we don’t know anything really that happened on that expedition we do know it wasn’t something short. This is the medieval period. They’re traveling by horseback, foot, and boat that often requires you to follow waterways just to keep your horses hydrated, especially with Vittorio being nobility he’d want to keep them well conditioned as they’d be high quality. This made them travel no matter what even if he met him in Vittorio’s town from Italy to France, crossing mountains into Spain, and into Portugal. That is not a short trip. It is utterly insane to have no info on this massive part of both their meetings, but with how long they were together and the artifacts Vittorio was searching for being relics to summon the Entity.

This brings us to the very important question that I honestly cannot answer. That is, how much is it him utterly despising Vittorio for something that happened on that trip and how much of it is Entity influence that we see with all the killers? The truth is probably somewhere in the middle, but we do know from his tome that Tarhos does hate him. Again we don’t know for what exactly. If it’s just him being a coward in his eyes, him being nobility or something that happened, there is no info on it, not even an add-on talks about it. Which I will constantly complain about until we get even a cosmetic that talks about it, because it's such a massive piece of his lore that not even his tome touches on. Back to what we do know, we do know being told to “find another way” sets him off to kill the native people guarding the catacombs and grab the Lapis Paradisus. After he gets the entity, summoning stone is the only point in his lore and tomb that we ever read about him being unnecessarily cruel and brutal.

This is where we get him imprisoning Vittorio in his own dungeon, torturing his townsfolk which strengthens the Entity connection to the land, him riding on the Guardia Compagnia and killing everyone except for the faithful three, and then coming back and torturing Vittorio psychologically to try and figure out what’s so important about the stone. Then the Entity scoops him up after lords raid the town calling Tarhos “the embodiment of evil”. This is what I talk about when it comes to his written lore where it’s very “I want to have my cake and eat it too”. He is this violent and brutal man who's done so much, trust me guys, but the only times it’s ever written about him being unnecessarily cruel and evil it’s when the Entity is already in his head and I think his tome only further exacerbates it. I also find it really funny that his store lore brings this great importance that Tarhos is torturing Vittorio, because he won’t tell him what the artifacts are for, but that gets completely lost in his tome. Speaking of which—

Part 2: His Tome

So I’m going to say the most obvious thing people have pointed out about it: it is literally his store page lore. I’m not going to go over the narrative beats of it like I did in part one, I’m just going to talk about what I find extraordinarily interesting about it, because unlike his store page lore, we actually get insights into Tarhos as a person and what his ideals are. Memory 151 is all about the first part of his lore except it puts greater emphasis on how much he respects and cares for his mother and puts even greater context as to why he is so calm waking up in a body pile:

“ His father fighting outside. His mother preparing something on the small wooden table. The screams rise to a crescendo. He stares at his mother. No concern. No panic. No fear. Her face is hard and determined as she prepares a thick black elixir that she says will help them sleep through the madness. She is their strength. She is his strength. He has never seen her in this way and he feels safe despite the chaos and carnage outside their small, thatched home. “

“ She turns to Tarhos with a reassuring nod. She helps him drink his share and tells him everything will be as it is supposed to be. Bitter and thick, the elixir oozes down his throat as the cries and screams and clangs rise and fall outside. Then he feels it. The numbness spreads from his lips to his feet. Faces blur. Sounds fade. And an inky blackness spreads over his eyes as he falls asleep in his mother’s warm embrace. Then there is silence. “

Tarhos’s most fond and only memories of his childhood are of his mother and this poison that she fed him. This does come up again, but it’s important to say that she made him feel safe. His father is only a footnote, he never gets brought up again, but his mother does. Safe to say how she made him feel before he passed out is why he woke up so calm and collected despite waking up in a body pile and staring at his uncle's dead face. This is further supported by:

“ Tarhos knows he should be scared. He knows he should feel sad, but he doesn’t. And he knows he should feel guilty for not feeling sad, but he doesn’t. What he feels he doesn’t understand or cannot put to words. He just stares at the horror before him without flinching. “

He knows what he should be feeling, but he’s just numb. He’s calm and numb just staring out in wonder over what happened to the village he grew up in. Now we don’t know how old Tarhos was when he was taken, but the typical squire at the time tended to start their apprenticeship at age 12 and going by how he grew up into having the skills for knighthood, he probably was around that age to be able to learn those skills if not maybe a year or two younger. He wouldn’t be able to process something like that happening to him, especially not with poison in his system numbing everything. And again you have to remember this is a memory re-contextualized by how he feels about life now. He is constantly searching for that numb feeling, the quiet with the ringing in his ears where he can just bask in wonder. He never got that working for the Guardia Compagnia. It states it pretty clearly in his storage page lore. 

Memory 152 is him traveling through the mountains of Portugal, so this is literally just the final few paragraphs of his lore. Nothing about him when he first got the contract. Nothing about when he started, nothing about the faithful three or his time as a slave. No mentions of how brutal and “evil” he was, truth be told I don’t think Vittorio would’ve hired him given his own ideals if Tarhos was really as evil as they try to hammer it in that he was. I don’t get why if they keep harping on him being this insane and brutal man who was cruel to be cruel why don't they show it? Don’t tell me he is. Show me he is otherwise those words mean literally nothing and are just how others perceive him while also contradicting others calling him brave and courageous which are both very positive traits.

It's also kind of really funny that his tome contradicts his lore again in that Tarhos knows what the relics are for, but I’m going to combine that quote in a block with the ones about his own personal philosophy, because I want to talk about them both together:

“ Lord Toscano claims he isn’t after riches, but hope. Hope that this stone can lead him to another world that holds knowledge that can save this one. He prays that this lost knowledge of the ancient guardians might bring peace, harmony, and order to a world plagued by cruelty, violence and imbalance. Tarhos scoffs at the idea of a world without violence. Life is violence, from birth to death, and everything in between is a futile attempt by cowards to hide from the horror that is living. The only plague in this world are the lies, the unnatural codes and laws created by nobles and lords for their mutual benefit. Unnatural laws and codes and books that deny the truth of the world by trying to make it something it's not. “

“ Tarhos believes something else. It's all good, or none of it is. It’s all evil, or none of it is. It’s all part of the same cosmic mud—the mystery that transcends the world and all its dualities. A mystery he never pretended to understand but affirmed all his life with his sword and his disdain of those who used their laws to make their slaughter pious. Hypocrites, all of them. Not him. There’s no guilt, no shame, and no need to hide from life. ”

Why would Tarhos hate the laws and codes that enable the violence that he allowed to commit and uphold his life philosophy if he is this violent and cruel to be cruel man? Time and time again where he is supposed to be this “embodiment of evil” is contradicted not only by his own words, but also by what’s written about him. He hates the church, he hates chivalry, he hates everything that is used to justify violence and human suffering, because they’re all trying to shelter themselves from what their lives are. Tarhos has experienced “nothing but darkness” his entire life. The earliest memories he has are of his mother trying to poison him to keep him out of that life and watching his childhood village being burned to the ground. His entire life he’s been treated as nothing, but another animal.

He is a slave. He isn’t a person with bodily autonomy, he had to learn to be obedient to the nobility he hates and swallow the codes that justify their human atrocity. He thinks Vittorio is an idiot. Another naive man who wants to change how the world works. 

Memory 153 is where we really see Tarhos “snap”, but it makes sense for someone in his position and again, we literally have no idea if this is a build up of things happening over and over or if it’s just random. Just going by how he already seems to hate Vittorio more than other nobles he’s been around, I’m going to assume it was a buildup of things. Probably him talking about his pacifist world view and his goals of “hope” and “good for humanity” that Tarhos genuinely doesn;t see value in. He hates it:

“ Find another way! Disgust strikes him like a sword. He feels the blade pierce his chest, smacking the breath from his lungs. He has no words for this order. All he can do is stare defiantly. Find another way? Why? So Toscano can sleep at night? So he can waste more of his time with his foolish notions of right and wrong, of good and evil, of noble and barbaric. Toscano’s entire fortune was secured with violence and slaughter justified by highly imaginative codes and laws. His fortune was secured with nothing but darkness. Tarhos grinds his teeth as disgust darkens toward hate.

And he feels something else. “

“ He’ll take his stone and his relics and his town, and he’ll show this bloody coward the truth of the world—the truth that has always lived in his heart. And no one will stop him. Not the guards in the village, and certainly not the three knights Toscano left behind. Without hesitation, Tarhos dismounts his horse and unsheathes his sword with a terrible ring. “

Tarhos is a free man who is just trying to earn money to buy out his only real friends he has contracts with. He has been riding through all of Europe for months. The last thing they need, the entire point of him going on this trip is right there and now Vittorio wants to “find another way”? I’d be mad too. It’s understandable for Tarhos to be upset given his own world view and how long he’s been traveling. I know bhvr is allergic to even trying to put it into perspective for how long he would’ve been traveling but it probably would’ve been 6+ months depending on where they started in Italy and how they traveled to France, into the mountains to Spain and then across Spain into Portugal. That is a lot of traveling and depending on when they left it could be in less than ideal conditions especially once you get into mountains. 

And this is something Tarhos doesn’t even care about. It’s just another job to him just to get money for something else. He does not care about Vittorio’s goals. He thinks they’re stupid and who knows what else Vittorio has been saying on their trip that drives him up a wall when he hates nobility to begin with. But I also want to highlight the important note that can easily be brushed over. “He feels something else.” To me this is when the Entity really gets her claws in him, we know she does this with most killers to influence them. We know that’s why Rin’s dad randomly snapped and killed her family as stated by the devs he was originally the target of the Entity before it took her instead. Tarhos I don’t think is like a Trickster or a Ghostface.

He doesn’t actively enjoy the violence he commits like they do, it’s just a part of life to him. Violence is part of living and he has to make money to live and to make money he has to kill for other nobility who hide behind laws and codes to justify the atrocities they have others commit in their name. Also after this point is the only time we ever get actually shown him being cruel and unusual. This is when he starts torturing people and mutilating innocent people’s bodies in accordance with the book Vittorio had. The beginning statement isn’t cruel and unusual, it is him being upset at everything he has hated before, it only became cruel and unusual after he “felt something else”.

Memory 154 - 156 is just him killing the people guarding the catacombs, not all that important, but he’s not being extremely cruel there either. He’s just efficient. What we’ve already been told in his normal lore, so I won’t talk about it took much. Memory 157 is a bit more interesting, but not much to talk about besides it being more clear evidence that the Entity has some sort of effect on his life at this point. It allows him to evade death blows and kill the knights that he really shouldn’t be able to. Vittorio steps in and hands himself over to Tarhos to stop any more violence that kind of thing. 157 is just more of him killing people for the most part, they dedicated way too much to it, but you know. Memory 158 is him psychologically torturing Vittorio, nothing too interesting other than him wanting to open the passage to the “perfect world” Vittorio kept speaking about, but only, because he thinks it's just a world free from the lies and pretenses of civilization. Interesting to note that unlike his store page lore, he knows what Vittorio’s relics do, he’s just torturing him to find out where he hid the rest.

But memories 159 and 160 are extremely interesting. It’s where we get Tarhos monologuing and lamenting to Vittorio about his life and what he does. Lots of quotes coming up, because these two memories are why I love his tome:

159:

“ The nobles are preparing to attack me. And why? Because I am doing what they do, only without the lies. They say… they say I am mad.

Tarhos scoffs.

Do I seem mad to you? Life is madness, and I accept it for what it is, and so perhaps in that way I am mad.

Tarhos opens the door, enters slowly, and crushes several maggots as he paces around the small dungeon.

I remember a village we destroyed because a man had stolen food from a noble. The entire village in ruins and everyone hacked to pieces because of a few stolen apples. So much suffering and death because of one man’s hunger and another man’s ego. That's the history of the world right there.

Tarhos fixes his gaze on Toscano who says nothing.

I didn't mind the killing. But I did mind the praise and honours we were given for our just and pious deeds. That kind of talk is true madness. “

160:

“Paradise will come when you make peace with life as it is and not the way you imagine it should be. When you embrace the horror instead of running from it. Only when you can do this will you see the madness of your ways. Your futile search for knowledge. Your foolish refusal to take a life — even the life of a grovelling maggot.”

“There was a village quite far from here. A small army advanced on this village on a mission, I suppose, to butcher the barbarians… to make this world a better place. Rather than be killed by a stranger or be taken as a slave these villagers had chosen to die by their own accord.

 Tarhos scoops a few more maggots and tosses them into the mouth.

I remember one mother had poisoned her family without hesitation or remorse. The love and strength of will it must have taken to do that is something I’ve yet to see in all my experiences on the battlefield and off. I have been around nobles and knights my whole life and all I’ve seen is cowardice steeped in the rotten stew of lies and hypocrisy.

Tarhos tosses one last maggot into the festering mouth, stands upright, walks through a thick cloud of flies, and pauses in the torch-lit doorway.

I have yet to meet her equal.”

There’s a lot to unpack in these two memories. Tarhos doesn’t mind what he does, because he has to. It’s the way life works to him after his entire life being steeped in blood, because he just so happened to be born in the wrong place at the wrong time. You have to become jaded to it or your brain will kill itself with the guilt, but most importantly and in stark contrast to how Bhvr describes him: He doesn’t take pleasure in it. He hates being praised for it. Life to him has been nothing, but violence committed against him and by him, he’s seen the more horrific acts imaginable made pious. He hates it. He hates that he’s being called crazy for doing what other lords and nobles do every week over something as stupid as food being stolen. He also talks about his trauma as if it’s happened to someone else that much is obvious.

He’s clearly talking about what his mother did for him and sort of implying that his mother was brave for trying to save him from the life he has now. It’s clear that those memories are the only comfort he really has and that’s why he had to reframe his own trauma to make his existence bearable. No one can blame him for that, but I also don’t think he’s this overly cruel monster Bhvr and others try painting him as. We just don’t see anything aside from when the Entity is already in his head that was overly cruel or inhumane on his part. He is from the early 1400s. Life back then was incredibly violent and death permeated everything. Infant and child mortality were so high it knocked the life expectancy statistics down to you’d die at 35. Lords and nobles were constantly squabbling with each other on who owed who what. Blinding was a common form of punishment for prisoners of war to the point where people were bartering with it. 

You cannot say anything that we’ve been shown currently is any bit more violent and cruel than what was normal for the time until we get to when the Entity starts influencing him. 

So how does this impact how I write my Tarhos? Well- I take his lore as him being a deeply traumatized man who normalized everything that he's done and has happened to him as a coping mechanism to just be able to have a semblance of happiness. Violence is a coping mechanism for him, he is constantly chasing that feeling of being half dead and numb to the world, but he can’t ever achieve it. The battlefield was the only place he ever got close to feeling it, it was the only place where he was let off his leash and allowed to do what he wanted. It was kill or be killed, so why feel guilty about what needs to be done? He’s very apathetic to human suffering. He’s not going to stand defiant against a lord or noble who wants him to cut off a child thief's hand and he’s definitely not going to bat an eye watching it when he’s not on duty. It’s the way life works. Life is violence. You can never be free of it and trying to justify it and treat human atrocity like it can be morally pure is utterly stupid to him. 

I think especially in his childhood he was still half-dead from the poison he was made to drink and disassociating partly because of what he was witnessing and partly because of it as well. He was a child who couldn’t understand what was happening and since then he has reframed it in his mind as him being happy and in awe of everything. In his adult life he’s very jaded, he’s used to being called a rabid dog, because he’s had to fight to get contracts all his life and thus will take anything. He’d rather be called a rabid dog than have to sit through the praises he’s gotten from others over the atrocities he commits. He’s not a good person. He is well aware of that and there’s no real changing that about him. He is fine with killing, maiming and torturing, because that’s how his life works. He will never meet someone he holds in as high regard as his mother, because she will always be the bravest person he knew for trying to save him from the life he has now. Tarhos has little faith in humanity, but he especially hates nobility and the church. He despises how they’re all built on the blood of innocent people and then they try to justify it with laws and passages to make it righteous. He especially hates Vittorio for being a pacifist. He thinks it’s extremely hypocritical for a man who probably owns serfs and slaves to be a pacifist when he is actively the reason so many people’s lives are awful. His entire fortune was built on the blood of others and now he’s going to choose to be a pacifist and act like he’s better than everyone for it? 

He absolutely would horrifically maim and torture Vittorio endlessly even if he doesn’t really remember the exact reasons anymore. Tarhos is a man shaped by his environment and then exploited by the Entity until he starts acting out after realizing the fog isn’t paradise, it's the exact same as everything else outside of it. A bunch of made up codes and laws that justify the suffering happening and the cowards that revel in it.

[bteezxyewriter12]

Rebounding/4

Pairing- Seonghwa x Named Reader, Past Tae x Named Reader

Word count- 7.5k

Includes- Angst, sex from behind, table sex, kitchen sex, public sex, cock riding, love making, multiple orgasms, fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa @yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @kjqueen05 @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Masterlists 📝 ATEEZ Masterlist

📝Seonghwa Masterlist

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3

Tae POV

"Yo Tae!", Jungkook calls as I walk into practice

"What?"

I just woke up and rushed here

Raon forgot to set an alarm like I asked her to

I woke up to Namjoon calling me and yelling at me to get my ass to practice

"Tell Jo congrats"

What?

Congrats about what?

"Uh what?"

He raises his eyebrow, "You don't know?"

I shake my head

I don't

I haven't spoken to her since I called her those names

The guys don't know about that

They think I still talk to her regularly

I finally texted last month trying to get her to talk to me but she never answered

And I didn't try hard enough to reach her although I know where she lives and works

I'm a horrible friend

"She's dating an idol. Seonghwa from ATEEZ. He just announced their relationship. And get this, his fans are happy for him"

She what?

What's going on?

"What?", I ask tiredly

Jungkook hands me his phone, the news at the top of Google's page

There's a picture of him and her, the title of the article reading, "Idol Park, Seonghwa of ATEEZ has a girlfriend"

I clench my jaw, my eyes popping open

It's one of the guys that she fucked that day

She actually dating one of them

"I texted her but she hasn't answered back yet. So tell her congrats when you talk to her"

"Uh huh", I say distractedly, reading the article

He announced their relationship through social media first then his company KQ confirmed the post and their relationship

The statement from KQ says they've been together for ten months and they hope ATINY will continue to support him, his relationship and ATEEZ

Clicking on the link to the Instagram post, I'm taken to ATEEZ's Instagram

The picture is of them together, sitting in a dressing room

I can tell she's sitting on his lap as she faces the camera because he's leaning forward, his chin on her shoulder, face next to hers

She's leaning towards him, her head resting against his, smiles on their faces

He is good looking I'll give him that

But her....she's stunning

Her big beautiful brown eyes are shining, black around them in her signature winged eyeliner

Her hair is a lot longer than the last time I saw her, the color a pretty bright cerulean

She's smiling and it's gorgeous

She looks so happy and a spark of jealousy erupts in my chest

Ok what the hell is wrong with me?

There is not reason for me to be jealous

I have Raon and now Joanne has someone

I should be happy for her

I am happy for her

It's just....I miss her

In every way possible

And why him?

Why one of the guys she fucked?

She couldn't find someone else other than the guy who used her?

Is she in love with him?

Or is she just with him for sex?

And why am I questioning this like I'm her father?

My eyes move to the caption, "Me and my jagi💗", more jealously washing over me

This is insane

She's not mine, she's his

I shouldn't feel like this

It has to be a fluke

Probably just because I miss sex with her

Raon still isn't too open in bed and I'm getting bored of the same thing

Almost anything I suggest she turns down

She only lets me blind fold her which is getting dull

She still won't play into the daddy kink or let me tie her up or anything

She also doesn't ride me that much, getting tired easily

It's not like sex is everything because it isn't but it's not something I'm craving from Raon like I craved it from Joanne

I need to stop thinking about this

She's with Seonghwa now, out of reach and I have Raon

Handing Jungkook his phone back, I don't say anything, just get in to position for the first song we're gonna practice

🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉

Two weeks later

J POV

"Hwa, harder!", I moan, in so much pleasure from his cock fucking into me from behind

He grips my hips so hard, his snapping into me harder than before

I keep my cheek against the table, my hand crushing napkins and the tablecloth in my small kitchen

The wet sound of his cock moving inside me adds to his sexy moans and the sounds of his skin hitting mine

I don't even know how we ended up like this

He slept over, I made breakfast, we ate and as we were cleaning up I bumped into him and that apparently did it

I shouldn't be surprised though

We have sex any chance we get

I can't get enough of him

His kisses, his touches, his body against mine, his cock inside me

I swear I could sit on his dick all day, kiss his sweet lips all day, run my fingers in his hair and touch his soft cheek

I've almost told him I love him so many times but that fear is still there and keeps me from saying it

I hope he knows I love him from my actions but I know he'd love to hear it

I'll get there soon

"Mmm getting so tight jagi", he whimpers, "Gonna cum for me?"

"Yes Hwannie. Fuck", I moan, teetering on the edge

His cock hits my spot and I scream his name, coming for the third time, pleasure wracking my body

"Yes jagi. Fuck such a pretty messy you're making"

He pulls out when I finish, turns me around and lifts me into the table

He moves between my open legs, moving my legs around his waist, his cock plunging inside me

"Hwannie", I cry, leaning my head back, his mouth pressing kisses all over my neck

He wraps his arm around me, hand on my ass as he pulls me to the edge of the table

His hips move lightening fast, fucking me stupid

His free hand wraps around my boob, fingers pinching my nipple and tugging on my ring, sending pleasure down my spine

"Fuuuccckkk", I whine

His hips slap into me, cock moving so fast it's hard for me to clench around him but I do my best

He buries his cock inside me, grinding into me, his head rubbing my spot as I desperately moan his name

"Oh fuck yes", he moans, hips pressing into me, cock rubbing faster, "Cream my cock baby. Throb harder"

"Mmm, yeah baby. I'll make your cock so messy", I murmur, the pleasure turning off my brain

"Do it. Now baby. I want it now. Let me feel you"

Ecstasy slams into me as I fall over the edge, pulsing so fast around him, I can't stop

"Seonghwa!", I yell, hearing him moaning, "Fill me Hwa. Give me your cum baby"

"Joanne fuck", he cries, burying his face in my neck, cock throbbing inside me as he unloads his cum

I feel the warmth from his cum and I fucking love it

Wrapping my arms around him, I hold him tightly as he cums, kissing his beautiful neck and shoulder everywhere

"My baby", I whisper

"My jagi", he murmurs, kissing my neck

We stay hugging each other for a few minutes but of course it has to end

He'll be even later for practice than he already is

His phone kept ringing and I know it's Hongjoong calling him

"We have to go Hwa"

He hurrumphs, squeezes me tightly then lets go

"We'll be together later ok? After work I'll come get you from...whenever you are", I assure him

"I know baby. I just...miss you"

I smile, "I miss you too Hwa"

He leans closer, giving me a quick sweet kiss, then he helps me off the table and we get dressed

"Jagi?", he says

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

I look over at him, "Sure"

Inside my heart is pounding wondering if this is finally it

If he's going to leave for good

"I wanted to ask if you wanted to come with me to the Fact music awards on Saturday"

I blink, taking in what he asked

It's completely the opposite of what I thought he was going to say

Then my mind catches up to what he said

"An award show?", I gape

That's big

I don't know of any idol who have brought their significant other to an award show

Then again I don't really watch the whole awards show and almost never watch the red carpet part

"Yeah jagi", he smiles, "I want you to come with me. Everyone knows about us and the managers agreed"

He's not wrong

So far ATINYS have accepted us

Of course there are some who send hate and say nasty things but they're far and few in between

From their comments, ATINY likes me apparently and think I'm good for Seonghwa

They love the pictures we post and always ask him for more so he gives them more

He asked me to make another Instagram so I could post pictures of us and told me not to use my name in the username

He didn't want me to use my personal Instagram either so I took his advice, privated my personal one and made a new one which he linked on one of the pictures he posted

Overnight I got millions of followers on that Instagram, asking for more pictures of us too

Needless to say our relationship has not had a negative effect on ATEEZ

"This is big Hwa. Are you sure?"

"Definitely jagi", he says, coming over to me and taking my hands, "I want you with me. I don't care what anyone says"

I think about it for a second then nod, "Yeah Hwa ok"

"Yeah", he smiles, "You sure you wanna go?"

I nod, "Yeah Hwa. I want to be there with you. I'll always support you and be by your side baby"

"Thanks jagi. You're the best", he says, kissing me again

I fall into his amazing kiss, not wanting it to end

His phone goes off and he groans into the kiss before he pulls away

"Let's go baby before Hongjoong had a cow", I giggle

"Yeah yeah", he mutters, texting on his phone

I take his hand and pull him through my apartment door so I can get him to practice as fast as I can

---------------------------

Three days later

"This dress?", I gape

"Yes", Aera, one of the stylists nods, "You need to hide your tattoos"

I mean yeah I know that but the chest area is....kinda revealing

Not kpop like at all

When I agreed to go to the music awards I asked Seonghwa what I was supposed to wear

I had nothing to wear at a red carpet award show

He told me not to worry, that they stylists were already working on a dress, hairstyle and makeup for me

I just had to show up

Easy

I already had my hair washed again, even though I showered before I got here, and had my makeup done

I insisted on winged eyeliner and the makeup artist, Mina, sighed but added it in

"Joanne, just put the dress on. Grace still has to do your hair"

I just nod, letting Aera lead me behind a curtain

She stands there with the dress and I'm wondering why she's still here

"Ummm", I stammer

"Take your clothes off"

I raise my eyebrow, "What?"

She rolls her eyes, "Please. You don't have anything I haven't already seen. Take your clothes off, get in the dress and let me fix you"

Alrighty then

I undress, although I am uncomfortable

At least I can keep my bra and underwear on

Aera helps me into the dress, zippering the back for me

Moving in front of me, she sticks her hand in the front of the dress, grabs a handful of boob and pushes it up

"Hey!", I protest

"Oh shush. You have the boobs for this dress so flaunt them"

"I thought kpop was all about being modest", I grumble

"Not if you're Seonghwa's girlfriend apparently. He picked the dress out"

He did?

Why didn't he tell me he did?

He has good taste

The dress is nice, something I'd wear or choose myself

After Aera puffs up my boobs, she directs me to a chair

Hae the hair stylist, starts immediately attacking my hair while Aera puts on my shoes

Like I couldn't do it myself

I sit in the chair for a long time, Hae doing god knows what to my hair

"Where's Seonghwa?"

"He's getting dressed with all the other members", Hae answers, "He's going to come get you when you're ready"

When she's done, she tells me to stand and gives me a hand mirror so I can look at the style

It's a pretty braided waterfall style, with pieces of silver leaves in it

"It's so pretty", I tell Hae, "Thank you"

"Sure. I love getting the chance to play with long hair. I don't do it often as a stylist of a boy group"

"Well you're so good at it"

"Thanks"

"Jagi?"

I turn to Seonghwa's voice, my mouth dropping

Oh my god

He looks.....fucking..... incredible

Black vest, long black suit jacket, black pants, black boots

And his hair

Up in a half ponytail

I clench my legs together, my boyfriend totally turning me on

But that's a given

His eyes are huge as he looks at me

"Jagi, you're.....fuck Jo....so beautiful baby"

I smile, walking closer to him

"Please baby, you're so sexy", I say, going right into his arms, mine around his neck, his around my waist, "You're hair Hwa. So sexy"

"Yeah? You like it like this?"

I nod, "Uh yeah. Like is an understatement"

He chuckled, "I'll wear it like this for you more often"

"Only if you want Hwannie. Don't do anything just for me. You know I think you're hot all the time"

"Oh yeah?", he smiles

"Duh", I laugh

"Yeah well, I happen to think you're always-"

"Stop Hwa", I tell him, "You don't have to say anything back just because I said it to you"

"Don't do that jagi", he says, shaking his head, "Don't stop me from telling you the truth. You never believe me when I say that you're hot or sexy or beautiful. But Jo, you are the most gorgeous girl I have ever seen in my life"

I smile softly, looking into his brown eyes

I know he's telling the truth

It's just crazy how he can have anyone and he wants me

"You're my sexy, super hot, beautiful girl"

I giggle, "You're my sexy, super hot, handsome boy"

He laughs, leaning down, his soft lips against mine

I fall into his kiss, loving every single time his lips are on me

He could kiss me anywhere and I'd love it

His tongue licks my lip and I open my mouth, my tongue immediately against his

His hands move to my ass, squeezing hard as the kiss gets heated

As I press my body against his, I feel his hard on through his pants

I swear, this man has a ridiculous sex drive

First this morning, then right before we came here and now

And fuck, my sex drive matches his because I want him right now

"Baby's hard"

"Always around you jagi", he murmurs, "Can you help me fix it?"

"Always", I answer

He pulls away from me, taking my hand and leading me into the next dressing room

Which happens to be empty

He locks the door and when he turns to me, I press my lips against his, kissing him, my hands opening his jacket then his belt

Taking his hand, I break the kiss, dragging him to the armchair and positioning him in front of it

Getting the rest of his pants open, I pull them and his boxers down, shoving him lightly down on the chair, his big hard cock already straining and leaking cum

"Time?"

"Not much jagi. The guys are almost ready"

I nod

Blow job later then

Climbing on his lap, I hike the skirt of the dress up, his hand reaching out and pulling my panties to the side

I don't even have to hold his cock in place, he's that hard

I get his head in, then slide down his amazing length, my pussy opening up just for him

I'm so wet, I get his entire length in so easily, sitting flush against him, rocking on his dick, head brushing against my spot

"Oh god, jagi", he moans, his hands on my hips, "Fuck so good. God baby, it's like you were made for me"

I nod, feeling that way too, "Yes baby. You were made for me"

"I was jagi. I was", he assures me, "I was made to be inside you"

"Mmmm baby", I whimper, moving my hips faster, listening to his quickening breathing, feeling the pleasure only he can give me

No one else

Just him

"I was made to be on you Seonghwa", I murmur, bouncing slightly on him, "I was made to be with you"

He pulls me to him, his lips against mine as he kisses me deeply

I keep bouncing, holding onto his vest for balance

"I was made to be with you Joanne", he says through kisses, "Only you jagi"

"Only you Hwa", I confirm, kissing him back

His hands move to my hips, helping me bounce on him, our lips not leaving each other's

His hip move us, meeting me and going so deep, feeling fucking incredible

I love when he goes in this deep, it's so fucking pleasurable and I just want him there all the time

How he turned me into this mush for him I don't know but I'm glad he did

"Mm faster baby", he murmurs, between kisses, his fingers pressing into my clit, rubbing hard, "Cum for me baby"

I take his cock in and out, his tip hitting my spot

I tighten on his length, riding him fast to make us both cum before anyone starts looking at us

We're both breathing hard into each other's mouths, still kissing desperately as the pleasure tips over

I feel his cock throb, his warm cum spilling inside me just as I orgasm around his length

Stars blast in my vision as I moan against his lips, the pleasure so fucking intense

We ride it out together, clinging onto each other

When we finish, I lean my forehead against his, looking in his eyes, touching his cheek softly

I realize in this instant that I can't live without this man

That I will do anything for him

The love I feel for him is immense, I can't even describe it

I didn't love Tae a fraction of how much I love Seonghwa

Seonghwa is my life, my everything

"Hwa", I start, "I-"

"SEONGHWA!", Hongjoong screams, pounding on the door, "We have to leave now!"

"Alright!", Seonghwa roars

"Now!", Hongjoong screeches, "I knew he'd do this! He can't keep it in his fucking pants for one fucking afternoon! Goddamn it!"

"I think Hongjoong just had that cow I'm always saying he's gonna have", I giggle

"Yeah", Seonghwa grumbles, "He's such an ass. When he had a girlfriend he did the same thing I am and no one said shit to him"

I shrug, "Maybe he's just mad he's not getting any"

Seonghwa snorts, "He needs to get laid"

I giggle, nodding and getting up from his lap

My panties fall back into place and I pull my dress down while he fixes his pants

"Jagi, shouldn't you uh...do you need tissues?"

"Why, is it leaking?", I ask, not feeling anything coming out from my panties

Yeah his cum is pooling in them but that's fine with me

"No uh...I mean...isn't it in.. .your-"

"Panties? Yeah", I smirk, moving closer to him, "But won't you like knowing that your cum in is in my pussy and my panties during this award show? When we're on the red carpet and you're doing interviews?"

He swallows hard, "Yeah jagi, I like that idea"

"Good baby", I say, standing on my toes and giving him a kiss on the cheek, then taking his hand, "Let's go"

---------------------------

The car we're in pulls up to a section of the red carpet and I am gaping at how many people are here

Reporters and other idols on the red carpet, screaming fans all around

I see Monsta X is here, Blackpink, Stray Kids

And BTS

They're already on the red carpet, doing an interview

There are so many people

"Jagi"

My eyes move to his

"Don't be afraid jagi ok? I'm here with you ok? Just hold my hand and follow me", he says

I nod, "Ok Hwa"

He leans forward, kissing me softly, then opens the door

Screams of his name penetrate the car and I'm so fucking nervous, I feel sick

He turns to me, takes my hand and helps me out of the car

Lights flash in my face, blinding me as screams of "Seonghwa's jagi" ring in my ear

He hasn't revealed my name yet, so they call me Seonghwa's jagi, which I think is cute

"Stay with me", he says and I nod

His fingers lace with mine and we start walking

---------------------------

Standing at the side of the stage, I watch my baby performing

He walks on the stage, his beautiful profile on display as he sings

Right before he went on stage he asked for a good luck kiss

I told him not to be silly because he didn't need any luck

He never does, him and all the guys are amazing at their performances

But I kissed him anyway because he asked and because I always want to kiss him

He smiles as he dances, the camera focusing on him

I can never understand how they're so in sync with each other

Or how they can keep going while sweating up a storm

I can't imagine

I hate sweating

I only allow it when Seonghwa and I are having sex

Because other things are preoccupying my mind at that moment

I admire him and all the idols who perform and give it their all

Seonghwa is back in the middle, sweating so much, singing and his eyebrow raising in such a sexy stare

I can't with this man

My man

I decide that I'm going to tell him

Tonight

When we get back to my room, I'm going to tell him that I love him more than anything in this world

🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉

Tae POV

I sit on the couch, waiting for the rest of the guys to get ready for our performance

We go on in like half an hour

I'm once again scrolling through Joanne's new Instagram

Clenching my jaw at the photos of her and Seonghwa

Ever since he announced their relationship, her Instagram is full of him

Pictures of dates they've been on

Pictures of them backstage at their performances, at their dance practices, backstage at photo shoots, music shoots

A lot of them are candid pictures I guess his members take

They're not looking at the camera, only at each other, smiling or talking

One where they're asleep on a dressing room couch

One where he's kissing her hand, her smile so wide and beautiful

One where he's getting his hair done and she's next to him both of them laughing in the mirror

And it sends me into a rage every time I see them

Every time she adds a new picture

Every time a picture of them comes out in the media

And to add to it, their fans, ATINYS, love her

They love him and her together

I heard them today when they came out on the red carpet

The fans screaming "Seonghwa's jagi"

I almost had a heart attack when I saw her with him

At an award show, in that fucking short revealing dress

His hand in hers as she followed him and ATEEZ

She stood behind him while they did interviews, stood next to him when the reporters asked for couple pictures

I didn't even come here with Raon

She came with her group, I came with BTS and we've been apart for the entire award show

We're seated close to ATEEZ and I've had to watch her with him, his arm around her waist, her leaning her head on his shoulder, their hands grasping each other's

Him whispering in her ear and her giggling

It's torture

Raon is not in my mind at all

I don't even know where her group is sitting, I haven't looked for her

I just can't take my eyes off Joanne and I realize that I love her

I'm in fucking love with her

I had her and I gave her away

Chose another girl who I thought was better but isn't

I was so dumb to think anyone could know me better than her

And I don't know what to do

I can't call her out of nowhere, after all these months and say "Oh by the way, I'm in love with you"

That would never fly, even if she did feel something for me

I just don't know what to do

I want her back

I shut my phone off, rubbing my forehead

I can't even complain about how unfair this all is because it's my fault

I drove her away

I'm stupid

People pass as I sit and wait and I do nothing but think about her

Someone passes and I look up, surprised to find her walking towards a door a few rooms away from us

And I make a split decision

Standing up, I leave our dressing room, calling her name

🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉

J POV

"Jo", someone calls, making me stop

I turn around, surprised to see Tae behind me

I haven't spoken to him for a long time

He just dropped me after he called me a slut and whore

He didn't even text when Seonghwa announced our relationship

I know he saw all the stuff in the media

The guys texted me, wishing me happiness with Seonghwa

But nothing from him

Not a fucking word

"Uh hi Tae", I say awkwardly

It's so sad

He was my best friend, the one who I could tell anything to

The one who was always there for me and me for him

And now it's like we're strangers

I hate this is what we've become

"Hi Jo"

"Uh how's Raon?", I ask, looking everywhere but at him

"Oh uh, she's....she's good"

He doesn't say anymore and I wanna get back to Seonghwa

"So uh congratulations on BTS wins so far. I can't wait to see your performance", I say, "I'll uh, I'll see you around"

"Wait", he asks, before I can turn around

"Yeah?"

"Can I talk to you?"

I raise my eyebrow, "Uh now isn't a good time. Seonghwa's waiting for me"

"Seonghwa", he mutters, rolling his eyes, "The rebound"

What the fuck did he just say?

"What was that?"

"Nothing, I uh-"

"No, what was it you said? What did you call him?", I snap

No way he is saying some shit about my boyfriend

I never said anything negative about Raon and he has the balls to say something about Seonghwa

Who he's never even met

"No, tell me what you said. You had the balls to say something under your breath. Say it to my face"

He looks nervous and he should

He knows I don't fucking back down

"I said the rebound ok?"

"The rebound. From who? You?", I snarl, "How the fuck can you say that about someone you never met?"

"I uh...I didn't think ok?"

"Yeah great. I never said shit about Raon. And let me tell you I had a lot to fucking say!", I growl

"Jo-"

"I can't believe you! You didn't even text me when he announced out relationship! All the guys did but nothing from you!"

"I know. I...I didn't know what to say"

"How about congratulations! Or fucking acknowledge that we're together. Something. Anything!"

He just stands there not saying anything and I'm just completely done

I turn around without a word

"Joanne wait! I wanted to-"

"I don't have time, Tae"

"I just... Fuck. Joanne I love you", he shouts

I stop in my tracks, turning back to him, so fucking shocked at his words

"Excuse me?"

"I love you. I'm in love with you", he confesses, coming closer to ne

What the fuck is going on?

Why is he telling me this now?

When I'm finally happy with someone else

"You're with Raon", I point out

"I know. I know but I don't...I don't love her. Us, we haven't been working out for months. I kept thinking of you. I realized I love you"

Yeah now he realizes, when I'm with Seonghwa

"I want to be with you. I don't want Raon. I'll break up with her. I was stupid. It was always you not her"

I can't believe this

This is really happening now?

Tae is confessing his love for me when Seonghwa hasn't yet

But even though Seonghwa hasn't, I won't ever leave him

He's my one

The one I want to spend the rest of my life with

If Tae said this before, then maybe things would be different

But they're not

I love Seonghwa and nothing, no one will change that

And Tae needs to know that

🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉

Seonghwa POV

I'm hyperventilating

I went to see where Joanne was

She said she was going to the bathroom but she was gone for a long time

I thought maybe she was lost

But I found her outside the dressing room a few doors down talking to Tae

Which isn't a problem in itself

I know he's her best friend or well he was

I wasn't jealous, I hung back, letting them talk

But now I'm freaking out

He told her he loves her

Yelled it when she tried to walk away

And I moved closer to hear what he's saying to my girlfriend

He wants to break up with his girlfriend and wants to be with my jagi

And I don't know what to do

Do I interrupt them and tell him to fuck off?

Do I wait for her to answer him?

Do I run away and cry, hoping for the best?

I don't know

All I know is I love her so much

I was waiting to tell her and now I may never get a chance

This is Taehyung we're talking about

Her best friend

She was in love with him for years, sleeping with him for close to a year

Wishing he'd see her, wishing she was with him

And she was so hurt by him that she almost didn't give me a chance

And now that guy, the one she always wanted is telling her he loves her

What chance do I have?

I know she likes me but I don't know if her feelings are deeper than that

I keep hoping I wasn't the rebound guy, the one she was with to make her forget about Tae but I don't know for sure

I hope she sees me and not just a placeholder for him

"Jo? Please say something", he asks

I'm might lose her and I don't know how I'm gonna survive

"Tae", she says, my heart pounding in my chest as I look down, "I...I love-"

Fuck, she's gonna say she loves hi-

"Seonghwa"

My head snaps up, shock entering my body

She-

"I love Seonghwa", she repeats, "I'm sorry Tae, but I don't feel that way for you anymore. After everything....he was there. He wasn't just a one time fuck like you thought he was. He's not a rebound like you think he is, he never was"

The look on Tae's face is pure disbelief

Like he can't believe she'd choose me over him

"He wanted me Tae. He...he's amazing and he makes me the happiest I've ever been in my whole life"

My eyes fill with unshed tears as I hear what she thinks of me

"He knew about me and you. About how hurt I was after you dropped me. And when he asked me to be with him, I was hesitant. I almost said no. He promised he'd never hurt me, he promised we'd go at my pace and he kept his word. He's so understanding, he's sweet, caring, loving. He's funny and his smile lights up my world", she says, "I can't imagine being without him. It hurts to think of being without him. I see my future with him. I love him more than anything in the world. He has my whole heart, forever."

I feel the same way

She has all of me, my heart, every part

"I'm sorry Tae. If you came to me before I fell in love with Seonghwa, then I'd probably would have been with you", she says, "But not now. I'm never leaving Seonghwa. He's my world. He's the love of my life"

I can't stay still, my feet bringing me to her

"Jagi", I call softly

She turns around, her eyes wide, a little fear in her face

Fear I'll make go away

"Hwa-", she starts

"I love you", I blurt, taking her hand, pulling her to me, "I love you so much"

Leaning down, I press my lips against hers in a sweet kiss, putting all my love into it

She kisses me back and I can feel her love in the kiss

It fills my body with so much happiness

After the kiss ends, she looks up at me, "I love you Seonghwa. I.... I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner. I was scared"

"I know jagi, it's ok baby. I was worried too baby. I didn't know if you were ready to hear it, that's why I didn't tell you first"

"I'm not afraid anymore Hwa. I love you. I love you so much"

I swear I've never been happier in my entire life

"I love you Joanne. More than anything"

She throws her arms around my neck, kissing me hard and I can feel her love for me in the kiss

I pour all of my love for her into it and I know she feels it too

After we pull away, she takes my hand, lacing our fingers and turns to Tae

"I'm sorry Tae but I love Seonghwa. I'm his. Always"

Tae looks upset but he just nods

"By the way Tae, this is Seonghwa", she says, "Seonghwa, Tae"

"Hi", I say, "Don't ever try to take my girlfriend from me again or we're gonna have problems"

I don't care that I love BTS and am a huge fanboy

No one is taking her from me

"I have no problems if you want to be friends with her but that's all she will be to you. A friend. I'm not letting her go and I will fight for her"

Tae nods, "Noted"

I nod too, "As long as we're clear"

"Tae where are you- Jo?"

Jungkook comes out from one of the rooms, his face breaking into a smile when he sees her

"Jo!"

He jogs over to her and she lets go of my hand to hug him

"Hi Kookie!"

"Jo I missed you! Where the fuck did you go?"

"No where. I've still been around", she laughs

"I kept telling this idiot to bring you around", he says nodding to Tae, "But he never does"

"Oh yeah well....we haven't been talking much", she answers

Jungkook rolls his eyes at Tae, "Well whatever, I'll text you and you come to hang ok?"

"Definitely", she agrees

He looks at me, smiles and holds his hand out, "Seonghwa right?"

I shake him hand nodding, kinda in awe that he knows who I am

"I'm Jungkook"

"Hi"

"Congrats on your relationship announcement. Jo's a great girl"

I smile, "I know. I'm so lucky to have her"

"Oh shush Hwa", she rolls her eyes

"Now now, let the man talk", Jungkook laughs, "I'm glad you're fans accept you guys. That was a ballsy move, I'll give you that"

I shrug, "Yeah well it worked out good"

He nods, "That's great"

"Jungkook!"

He turns to his name, Jimin coming out of the room

"Jo?", he says

"Hi Min"

"Jo's here!", he yells into the room, then comes over to us and hugs her, "I missed you!"

"I missed you too Min"

One by one all the BTS members come out and hug her, telling her how much they miss her

They all say hi to me too, already knowing my name and congratulating us on our announcement

"Seonghwa! What the fuck!", Hongjoong yells, coming out of the room with the guys, "You are not going to go off and have sex right now! We have to go back to our seats! Keep it in your pants until you get home with her!"

I blush so hard, mentally facepalming myself

"Goddamn", Hobi laughs

"So I hear you getting some on the regular Jo", Jungkook teases

"Shut up", she rolls her eyes

"Joongie, shut up and come and meet BTS you dork", she yells at him

"BTS?", I hear Mingi say

"How do you know BTS?", Wooyoung exclaims

"Tae is my best friend", she answers

"Why haven't you told us that!", San shrieks

Why are they like this?

Why are they so loud?

When the guys get to us, she does the introductions between both our groups

"Joonie, Joongie, leader and leader/ captain"

Namjoon and Hongjoong shake hands and before I know it everyone is shaking everyone's hand and saying hi

There's lots of "I'm a huge fan" and "I love you guys" on our end

And on their end they say, "You guys are really good" or "Great performance"

I watch the groups mingle together for a few minutes while I just stand with my baby

"Jo you are so fucking cool!", Wooyoung exclaims

"She is right? And funny", Jimin laughs

"Is she sarcastic with you too? Because that sass is insane!", Hongjoong laughs

"Yeah she taught Yoongi the art of sarcasm", Hobi laughs

"Hey I rubbed off on her too!", Yoongi adds

"What did I do?", she giggles

"It seems you united fifteen dorks as you like to call us"

"Yeah I did", she laughs

After a few more minutes, Namjoon says that they're going on in a little so they have to get ready

Everyone says bye, the BTS members making plans to hang out with her and inviting us too

She is our link to them after all

The guys say bye and they walk away, toward the arena

She hugs all the BTS members and they go back to their room one by one but when she gets to Tae, she stands in front of him

"Tae, you're my best friend", she says softly, "I miss you so much. I'm sorry I can't be what you want but I can still be your best friend. I'll still be here for you, support you, always. Whenever you're ready for that, you can call me. Don't be afraid to ok? I'll never turn you away"

He nods, then pulls her into a hug, which she returns

"I'm sorry Jo. I'm sorry I hurt you. I want to be your best friend again. I miss you. I'm sorry things are shitty between us but I'll fix it ok?", he says, "And congratulations on your relationship with Seonghwa. He's a good guy. Willing to fight me and all for you. He's a keeper"

I smile to myself hearing him

Like I told him, I don't care that they're friends

I would never tell her who she can and can't be friends with

As long as he keeps his love confessions to himself then we're good

"He really is Tae", she smiles, "I hope you can take the chance to get to know him. I think you'll like him a lot. I want the two most important guys in my life to be friends"

Tae nods, "I will"

I will too

For her, I'll get to know him

She lets go and he comes over to me

"Look Seonghwa, about before, I'm sorry"

I nod, "It's over with. Just no more ok"

"Yeah", he smiles sheepishly, "You're so lucky, she's amazing"

"Yeah she is", I answer, smiling at her

"Look as the best friend I have to say this ok? You hurt her, I kill you"

I chuckle, "Noted"

"Men", she sighs sarcastically, rolling her eyes

"I gotta go", he says, "But I'll see you guys soon"

Her and I nod

"I'll call you Jo", he says

"You better Tae"

He smiles, waves then goes back to his dressing room

"Well, shall we?", I ask

She giggles, "We shall"

As I turn to lead her away, she tugs on my hand and I face her again

She stands on her toes, pulling me into a sweet kiss

"I love you", she says, making my heart explode in pure joy

"I love you", I tell her, watching her gorgeous smile form on her face

My phone goes off at that moment, making both of us crack up

"Hongjoong", we both say without even looking at my phone

"Let's go-", she starts

"Before he has another cow", I finish

Laughing we both head towards the arena to finish out the award show

---------------------------

Kissing her soft lips, I slowly unzip her dress

The rest of the award show was fun and we won Artist of the Year

I was so happy we won and after hugging the guys, I actually kissed her in front of the whole arena

Those pictures and the video are already circulating like crazy

I don't care though

We finally got back to her apartment and I just want her

I want to kiss her, hold her in my arm, be with her all night

She lets the dress fall to the floor, stepping out of her shoes then the dress, her hands softly pushing the jacket off me

She reaches for the vest, undoing the buttons, taking it off me

Bending down, I kiss her neck, undoing her bra while she undoes my pants

Stepping out of my shoes, pants and boxers, I pull her panties down at the same time, getting them off

Pulling her to me, she wraps her arms around my neck, her lips against mine as her beautiful body presses against me

Lifting her up, I turn us, placing her on her bed, moving on top of her

Her fingers move into my hair, pulling the ponytail out, then running through my hair

Her legs wrap around me and I move forward, sinking inside her slowly

She moans in my mouth and I swallow it as pleasure runs up my spine from pushing through her tightness

She's so wet, already clinging onto my length and throbbing soflty

Leaning my arm by her head, I run my fingers in her hair as I kiss her and start moving

Slowly

In and out, over and over, I open her around me, feeling everything

Her hips move with me, meeting my thrusts

The pleasure takes over and I just feel

Feel every pulse around my length, every brush against her spot, every move of her hips letting me go so deep inside her, every brush of her clit against my pelvis

But what's more, I can feel every touch she gives me, her hands on my back, slowly running her fingers up and down, shivers running up my spine

I can feel her every breath, every moan against my lips, every shake of her body under my fingers, against my skin

Every kiss to my lips, every touch of her tongue to mine

I love every single thing about making love to her

She moans my name softly, her throbs getting harder the closer she gets

"Seonghwa", she breathes, as her orgasm starts, "Oh god Seonghwa"

Pure ecstasy hits my body so hard, causing my orgasm to start as well

"Joanne", I moan, leaning my forehead against hers

"Seonghwa, I love you", she whimpers, her body arching into mine

Hearing those words makes everything I'm feeling so much better

"Joanne, I love you", I tell her, "I love you so much"

"So much Hwa", she murmurs, holding onto me tightly

The pleasure ebbs as we both finish, yet we don't let go of each other

She looks up at me, her hand touching my cheek soflty, "My Hwa. I love you more than anything in this world. You're my everything"

I nod, turning into her hand, kissing her palm, "You're my everything Joanne. I love you more than anything. More than being an idol, more than awards, more than absolutely anything. You're my jagi now and always"

He smiles softly and she looks so ethereal

"Kiss me Hwa. Don't stop"

"Never jagi. I will never stop", I promise, pressing my lips against hers

She's mine and I'm never letting her go

[zeeamoe]

The Boy That Sits Alone In The Front Row Always Wears A Black Sweater

part 5 of this post click here for the previous part

Throughout my trip, I sent him a few text messages.

- Look what I found :) 

- (photo)

- I’m buying this for you

It was a badly made pin of a skunk with a weird face. I found it in the street market and it reminded me of him.

Skunk: I don’t want it

- Too bad

- I’ve bought it

It had also come to my attention that he always sleeps until past noon on the weekends. Whenever I texted him early, he’d always reply very late.

- Gmorninnnn

I sent that around 8 AM.

Skunk: What?

The reply came at 1 PM.

- What did you have for lunch?

Skunk: I just woke up

Skunk: I might have a ramen cup

I couldn’t believe I still had to deal with this headache on my vacation.

- I’m gonna send food to your place then

Skunk: Wait

Skunk: Don’t

He sent one last message a bit late.

Skunk: I’ll get take out.

I had to make sure he was eating all his meals and didn’t lie to me, so I insisted he’d take a picture of his food in a way to make it seem like I was just really annoying. Most of what he ordered were fast food. Well, it was still better than instant ramen.

How could he even live like that?

Nevermind, I shouldn’t ask that kind of thing.

When did he become like that? Maybe something happened in highschool? But I couldn’t imagine him as the kind of person to get bullied. Despite his scrawny build, he wasn’t that bad looking at all. If he properly groomed himself, some people might even call him handsome.

It was most likely something that happened at home. Maybe his parents. But they seem to have spoiled him with that fancy apartment and paying all of his college fees.

Or maybe he was pressured? Compared to other people? Does he have any siblings? I should ask next time.

Still, living like that… I just knew I wouldn’t be able to bear it. He should take some walks every now and then. I should probably get him a new hobby. Fill his place up with something. His apartment was too empty for it to be that big.

When Monday came, my friends and I brought some souvenirs for our classmates. Not everyone got a share, just some people we were close with.

In one of the desks, boxes of a local snack were stacked.

“Hey, I want the chocolate flavor!”

“Everyone can only get one each- Get your hands off!”

“Aww! You guys didn’t have to. How sweet.”

“Dude, I literally handed you one already, don’t take another!”

“How was the trip you guys?”

Those outside of our circle were either huddled around their own group or making a fuss somewhere in their own world.

With an exception, of course, that one boy in a black sweater sitting alone in the empty front row.

I grabbed one box that was still left, a strawberry flavor, which was the least popular in our class apparently, and walked my way to the front.

I placed it on his desk.

“This one’s for you!”

He raised his head to look at me with his eyebrows raised and without letting him say anything, I immediately went back.

The professor was entering the classroom, anyway.

Once I was back in my seat, I looked to the front. I saw he had put aside that box near the wall and was already back on his phone.

The box was pretty noticeable as it was filled with a dozen small-sized cakes and it had a striking design. It was a pretty funny scene considering more than half the class had a box that size on their desks. Some of them sneakily tried to eat it in class.

And soon, I got a text.

Bzzt!

Skunk: How am I going to eat all this?

- ?

- You just gotta eat them?

Skunk: There’s too many

Skunk: They’ll go bad

- zzz

- There’s literally only twelve of them

- Just put it in your fridge

- It’ll last a week

- I know you have one

Skunk: What?

- A fridge

[Read]

I put my phone down since he stopped replying to my texts and tried to focus on the class.

At least he had something to munch on if he’s bored or something. I’m sure he was probably just too lazy to think of food and settled to have instant ramen all the time. Maybe if I put something he could immediately eat within his reach, he’d have that little variety.

That was why I suggested food when we all thought of souvenirs. It was pretty easy and not too expensive, so they all agreed to it.

Besides, it gave me a reason to give him food in a non-pushy way.

That reminds me.

I sent him another text.

- I’m coming over today

Skunk: Why?

- I actually did my work as I promised

- I want you to take a look

- Also I’m cleaning today

Skunk: You don’t have to

Skunk: It’s still clean

This idiot.

- Last time I cleaned it was Tuesday

- You gotta clean at least once every week

It took a while until I got a reply.

Skunk: K

What a jerk.

Anyway, this kind of thing went on. It became a kind of routine for me, and it became a sort of variation for him. I hoped.

Ever since that conversation, I would only clean his place every Monday. It was way easier considering the amount of trash that piled up every week wouldn’t be as much as however long it did the first time.

His apartment had a fridge and a built-in stove in his kitchen, so I tried to fill it with frozen food and vegetables with the excuse of wanting to cook myself a meal whenever I was coming over to work on my project.

I started off by bringing a pack of chicken wings.

- Do you have frying pans

Skunk: No

- Hmm

- Alright

Skunk: What the hell are you planning?

I brought my own frying pan and left it at his place. I had one spare because it was too small to cook as my mom usually made large portions for the whole family. However, it was the perfect size to cook for two.

He kept staring at the frying pan when I brought them over to his apartment.

“I don’t have a cabinet,” he said.

“Just put it on the stove.”

He scrunched his face.

“Won’t it get dusty?”

“Eh. I’ll cover it up with something. Why do you suddenly care about the dust? It’s not like you’re cleaning them!”

He also made an unimpressed look when I pulled out the pack of chicken wings from my bag.

“How’d you even manage to keep that in…? Won’t it get your bag wet?”

“I’ll dry them off later!”

And while he was reviewing my work. I started to cook the wings.

“Chicken wings~ chicken wings~ wingy wingy wingy!”

“Shut up.”

Crackle, crackle.

“I can’t hear you over the sound of these wings frying! Mwahahaha! Ooh! Do you smell that? It smells so good! I randomly picked up this brand, but I’ve never actually tried it before. I think it might be a little spicy, though. Can you handle a little spice? …Are you ignoring me? How are you holding up there?”

“You made a mistake in this paragraph.”

“Ah sh*t.”

Little by little I would bring something different. Pasta, canned food, then I started to put in vegetables. When I was too lazy to cook, I’d bring some fruits. He complained every time, but he seemed to eat up everything I gave him.

Sometimes I would cook a lot more than I needed to so he could keep the leftovers. Of course, I washed all the dishes afterwards.

At some point, I found a really cheap electric pump that you could put on top of the water gallon. I bought it for him with the excuse that I was annoyed of having to buy water bottles every time.

“So, now I don't have to carry 4 water bottles every time I come over! Alright, where can you get a water gallon? Do you get it at the market nearby? Ah that’ll be a hassle to get it all the way here. Maybe we can order it somehow?”

“This apartment can provide water gallons if you sign up for it.”

“??? Why the hell haven’t you signed up for it?”

“I’m too lazy.”

“Do you have to pick the gallons yourself from the lobby or something?”

“No, they’ll drop it off in front of the door- Ouch! Why are you hitting me?”

No wonder I sometimes see gallons of water every now and then in front of his neighbor’s apartment door. What is this brat even lazy about? Popping open the water gallon? I could feel my blood rising. Anyway, I kept pestering him until he eventually got a subscription from his apartment for water gallons.

Things went quite okay. But something was still off.

He didn’t change much despite all that.

Almost two months went by, and I was sure I had never seen him smile or laugh genuinely at least once. He would smirk or chuckle when he insulted me or something bad happened to me, but that doesn’t count.

Even when his apartment seemed like it was a place where someone actually lived in it now, the person himself didn’t seem like so. He would stand there with his pale face in the black sweater, surrounded with the colors in the apartment. It was a jarring image in my mind.

That one time I was over, I looked at him sitting on the honey colored table with my laptop that was filled with stickers. Behind him, was the kitchen that now had a frying pan covered in a checkered cloth. There were utensils and a few seasoning bottles I left. 

He sat there in the black sweater. He looked out of place.

Noticing my stare, he glanced at me.

“What are you looking at?”

“I’m just wondering how touched you must be after reading my work. I know I’ve improved so much that you were speechless after reading the elaborate analysis I made with such sophisticated words-”

“Mm, yeah. You have to redo all of part 6.”

“What the f*ck? Why?”

“It’s too generic. And you kept repeating the same points over and over. Also, you gotta report the findings from your observations in more detail. This aspect, for example, you can still break it into two.”

“But it still works as just one aspect? Can’t we just keep that as one? I’m too lazy to make a separate analysis for the two!”

“You can, but I thought you were aiming for an A.”

“Ughhhh, fineeee… give it to me.”

I lazily walked over to him and grabbed the laptop.

After putting down the laptop on the table. I heard the familiar faint sound of background music starting to play. And I sat there in silence, staring at my laptop screen. 

I didn’t look at him directly, but I could make out what he looked like out of the corner of my eye. Laying down on the sofa playing another one of his games on the phone. Everything around him was livelier, except for him.

Have I been doing all of that for nothing? What was the point in trying to change things in his apartment if it didn’t affect him.

Ah, I didn’t even mind the money I spent for some of the stuff I bought him. I guess I was just disappointed that there wasn’t much of a difference. Or even any difference at all.

I closed my laptop.

He heard the sound. And his voice chimed in.

“Are we done for the day?”

“I can’t focus. I think I need some fresh air,” I said as I started to pack my things.

“Okay.”

His reply was bland.

I slipped my bag to one of my shoulders and walked towards the sofa. He was leaning on one side of the arm rest, facing away from my direction. I took the chance to bend over from behind him and snatched his phone.

“Hey!”

He quickly sat up straight and turned around.

I held his phone behind my back.

“Come with me for a walk,”

He only frowned at me, he didn’t even get off the sofa to at least try to get his phone back. I was just smiling at him innocently.

“No,” He scoffed, “Give me my phone back.”

“Awww, come on! I don’t want to walk around alone! It’s still bright out anyway, I’ll even buy you food or something. Just come along, please, please, please?”

“Get one of your friends to go with you or something.”

“They’re all busy prepping up for finals and doing their project! You know, unlike me, they weren’t lucky enough to find a loner genius to help them get a head start…”

It wasn’t technically a lie, the project deadline was due soon, and it’ll be finals right after. Most of my friends were actually busy. I was actually surprised that this guy hadn’t even started doing anything.

He took a deep breath.

And then he sighed dramatically.

“Fine.”

“Yay! Here’s your phone.”

I dangled the phone in front of his face. After he took it, I got out of his apartment without bothering to close the door behind me. He eventually did follow me out. For a second, I doubted him and thought he might just close the door once I stepped out.

There were no clouds, so even though it was nearing 4 PM, it still felt like a little past noon. And there was a little bit of wind, so it wasn’t too hot to have a walk.

Still, walking in this weather with that black sweater drew a little bit of attention.

I was wearing a thin, plain white t-shirt. The exact opposite of his outfit.

“You’re so out of place wherever you go. Which is surprising considering your plain *ss fashion sense. I thought you’d be the type to blend in the crowd more.”

“Well, you know what they say…”

I waited for a while.

“What do they say?”

He walked a full three steps before even answering.

“...Actually, I don’t know, are there any sayings about skunks?”

“Yeah, they stink. Huh, I guess you’re right. Skunk’s do catch people’s attention. Hard to ignore them when you start to smell something bad.”

He just grumbled in response. I didn’t make out what he said.

“By the way, how come you haven’t started working on the project? Shouldn’t you at least type down some points or something? It’s due next week.”

“Like I said. I can get it done in a day.”

“There’s no way. No matter how smart you are, there’s no way you’d finish all that in one day. I mean, you gotta take into account the research time and typing down everything, right?”

He thought for a bit.

“Two days, then.”

“Show off! I don’t understand you, really. How come you’re so smart?”

These past few weeks, there was some information I managed to gather about him. That he didn’t have any siblings, and that his parents own some kind of company. No wonder he’s rich. He didn’t plan to go to college, but his dad made him do the admission test, which he passed, and they immediately paid for it so that he wouldn’t back out.

Nothing stood out in particular when it comes to his family. If anything, they were so nice, and he wasn’t technically pressured to achieve academically. In fact, it was obvious from his story that he didn’t even tell them about not wanting to go to college. Well, I figured he’d be too lazy to argue anyway.

He shrugged at my question.

“I don’t think it’s anything special. A lot of stuff is easy to get if you understand them well.”

Boohoo. What a load of bullsh*t. You only say that because you’re so smart. At least consider all the people with the lacking brain cells here! I have five at most, and they’re all used to take care of your *ss.

I held back my complaints and replied with another sarcastic answer.

“Too bad, it’s the only thing you’re good at.”

He frowned a bit. I didn’t expect him to get offended by that.

“I’m good at games,” he countered.

“Oh, yeah? You literally play by yourself! How do you even know if you’re good at them if you never compare yourself to other people? I bet you suck at teamplay or going against someone.”

I have been paying attention to his games, too. He never played with other people. He mostly played single player games or casual games that didn’t require playing with or against others. He wasn’t too excited or competitive when it comes to online games, either.

Compared to some of my friends, they might even shout or yell when they get excited. This guy never really showed any emotions, not when he won, lost, or even when I bothered him. He might get a little annoyed, but never frustrated.

Even now, when I purposely tried to irritate him, his response was like this.

“Hmm… For one, I know I’m better than you.”

I patted his shoulder.

“Don’t speak too soon buddy. You have no idea how good I am. I may be dumb, but I can play some games. Wanna see?”

He raised an eyebrow at me. I grinned at him.

And as if it was timed perfectly, I looked across the street, and he followed my gaze. There was a place filled with colorful neon lights and loud noises. I got him out of the apartment with the intention to drag him here.

It was an arcade.

He looked back at me unimpressed.

“Really?”

“Why not? I wanted to get my mind off things. Just play for a little bit! You know, I actually play a lot with my friends, so you might be surprised. Hehe! Oh, don’t worry, I have a card. I might need to refill it, though.”

Since I came up with the idea, I fully intended to pay. But he ended up refilling the card. He could be considerate when he wants to.

We started off by playing Jump It, because I remembered he said he enjoyed that before. It was a game where you step on the arrows as displayed on the screen based on the song.

I took the chance to choose the first song.

“It’s been a while since I played this,” he said.

“Ohoho, are you getting a little nervous there?”

He just shook his head calmly.

Ding, ding!

I’ve chosen a song.

We both had set it up to play at the same level and speed. And the game started.

About 3 minutes later…

Ding, ding, ding!

The score was displayed on the screen. Mine was…

[A]

I expected that, but right next to my score, I almost didn’t believe it.

[SSS]

It was the highest grading I’ve ever seen. I don’t think any of my friends have ever gotten that grade. I saw an [SS] once, but not a triple S. It was incredibly impressive.

So, I glanced over to look at him. And if I almost didn’t believe the score, I definitely didn’t believe the sight in front of me.

The boy in the black sweater was sweating so much that it was visible on his forehead and neck. Even his hair was wet. His face was flushed red all the way to his ears. He was breathing so heavily, people might think he would die soon. This was all the outcome of just one song.

One round of this game consisted of three songs. And even then, people usually play for multiple rounds.

“Dude, you know we still have two songs, right? How are you dying over there?”

“...Huff, …Just…wait a minute…”

This is beyond hilarious.

I laughed at him, and stomped my foot to pick the next song.

[deathofpeaceofmiiind]

high infidelity | thirteen

Aquamarine, moonlight swimming pool...what if all I need is you? *Ellie's POV* I woke up to the sound of the hotel door opening up. Noah appeared immediately with two coffees in his hands and the softest smile on his face when he saw I was awake. My heart fluttered as I saw him, I don’t think I’ll ever have a normal reaction to seeing him. He was wearing gym shorts, his Canucks hat he bought after the game last night and one of his band t-shirts, and he made it all look so damn good. He put his AirPods away and walked over to me with my coffee. “I would’ve got you a matcha, but I figured you’d needed something a little stronger.” “This is perfect, thank you.” I mused before he kissed my cheek. I took a small sip of my coffee and realized he got me a caramel macchiato, my second favourite. “Did you enjoy yourself last night?” “Absolutely.” he replied with a grin, rubbing his hand on my thigh. “I liked the post game show more though.”

“Yeah, that was…” My voice trailed as I looked over at him, remembering what happened. My mouth went dry as my entire body began to tingle. “I’m sorry that I needed a break, it’s been a while for me.” “Don’t be.” He replies as he leaned over to kiss me. “Just means I did my job.” I rolled my eyes, I could tell he was basking in his accomplishments from last night. Noah ordered us room service before he went to go take a shower so I drank my coffee as I scrolled on my phone. I stopped when I saw Tyler sent me a lengthy text. “Fine, you win. Your lawyer will contact you next week for our court date. I’m going to go live with my parents until everything is done so you can go back to the house today. Start looking for your own place though cause I want to put our house on the market as soon as possible. I’m keeping Liam until your next rotation at work is done. I will drop him off at daycare next Thursday and then you can pick him up. I’m still sorry about everything.” “Okay.” I didn’t want to argue with him, all I wanted was for this done and over with. I quickly texted my manager and said I needed to be on stress leave for the month. There was no way I could work in this state. I put my phone down and just sighed. Suddenly I heard Noah lightly singing something in the shower, I didn’t know what it was but it sounded angelic. I lied back down on the bed and just listened to him. There’s just something about his voice that resets my entire nervous system. “With your boots beneath my bed …forever is the sweetest con” I smirked… he’s a swiftie. A few moments later Noah came out of the bathroom and I almost choked on my own spit. He had on a pair of tan Lululemon jersey shorts with a black Lord of the Rings T-shirt. Seriously…how does he make casual clothes look that good? “So…Cowboy like me?” “Oh, you heard me.” He bashfully replied, his face flushed pink. I shrugged my shoulders, “I just never expected you to like Taylor Swift.” “Are you kidding me? Evermore was the reason I wanted to do an unplugged album.” He exclaimed as he went to grab our room service that just arrived. I bit my lip, he was too perfect.

“So Tyler texted me while you were showering.” I said as we sat down to have our breakfast. Noahs jaw clenched and I grabbed his hand to calm him down. “It’s a good thing. He basically said he’s not gonna fight it but I do have to find somewhere to live as soon as possible.” “I’ll come help you look for an apartment.” Noah suggests as he takes a sip of his coffee, “If you need to stay in hotel for the time being I can set it up for you.”

“Thank you but Tyler is staying with his parents until we put the house up for sale. I can stay with Danielle if I have to but I’ll start looking tonight.” I replied as I analyzed Tyler’s lengthy text message.

“I’m here every step of the way.“ He expressed as he gave my hand an assuring squeeze. I half smiled, trying to wrap my head around this.

“I’m sorry I’m putting you through this.” I replied, feeling equal parts defeated and guilty. Noah lifted my hand and gently kissed it, sending me the most sympathetic stare. Someone needs to pinch me cause this still doesn’t feel real, he doesn’t feel real. 

“Ellie, you’re worth all of this okay?” He assures me, “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

I just nodded cause I could feel tears filling my eyes. I took a deep breath but couldn’t stop the guilt from clouding my mind. Just a short few days ago Noah didn’t know who I was and was living his life perfectly fine. I had to come in and fuck it all up for him with my problems. Noah grazed my neck before he lifted my chin with his thumb. I stared into his somber eyes as he wiped the tears I couldn’t fight back anymore.

“When do you have to leave?” I asked changing the subject.

“Next show is tomorrow night, so either tonight or tomorrow morning. I’m just waiting for Matt to text me flight details.” he replied, meeting me with sad eyes. “We only have a week left so I’ll be back when everything is done.”

“I wish I could go with you.” I pouted, hoping that me joking would keep the tears at bay. I never had a problem being alone but the idea of being this alone was foreign to me. I selfishly wanted Noah around me every second of every day. I didn’t feel like eating anymore so I sat down on the bed as Noah tapped away on his phone. I watched him, begging for some kind of response from him but he was still typing on his phone. He finally put his phone away and turned his attention back to me.

“Hypothetically…when would you need to be home?”

“Wednesday night.” I replied with a raised eyebrow. Noah knelt down in front of me and reached for my hands. I sometimes forgot how tall he was cause he was still eye level with me despite being on his knees. I stared down at his hands that were tangled in mine, still not having the courage to look at him. “Ellie, come with me.”

“Really?” I gasped as finally met his gaze. He just smirked at me as I tried to find the words to say, but I was speechless.

“I may or may not have texted Matt to change my flight so we can go together. We’re going to be in Vegas tomorrow so it’ll be a good place to take your mind off things. We’ll get our own room, you can come to the show, then after we can gamble or drink a lot and bitch about how awful Tyler is…whatever you want.“

“Why are you doing this Noah?” I sighed. I had this overwhelming feeling that I was becoming such a burden to him. He was uprooting his tour routine for me and getting on more flights than he needed to. I know we had this incredible connection but it felt like a lot of effort on his end.

“How honest do you want me to be?” He answered, tucking the hair that fell in front of his eyes. 

“Like your life depends on it.”

“Ellie, I…I’m really fucking scared of how much I care for you already. Those few hours where I thought I lost you for good were absolute torture. My mind is telling me I’m coming off too strong and I need to back off but I’m sorry, I can’t” he stopped to catch his breath and fight the tears forming in his eyes. “You deserve to know how it feels to be truly loved, and I want to be the man to do it.”

He looked down at the ground and I sat there in disbelief at what he just said to me. No words were escaping me, all I could do was get on the floor and give him a hug. His arms immediately pulled me closer to him. My body was fighting every urge to tell him I loved him. I know it’s too soon to have feelings this deep but I was overwhelmed with emotion.  

“Do you need to do anything today?” Noah asks as he closes up his suitcase.

“I should go to the house to change and pack some stuff for tomorrow.” I sighed, dreading going back to the house. “Also maybe pick up my car, I can leave it at the airport.” “Do you want me to come with you?” “I don’t know.” I confessed crossing my arms, “Tyler said the house was empty but I don’t want to take any chances. I’ll be quick”

“Works for me.” He replies as he puts on a few sprays of his cologne. The smell reaches my nose, fuck he smells so good. “Since we have a free afternoon, where is the one place in this city you’d take a tourist?”

I pursed my lips, “Oh! The aquarium!”

He looks over at me and smiles. If there was in thing in this life I’ll always be sure of, is that I wanted to see that smile every day from now on.

[makeitreal]

success story ♟

first thing first. this is my experience, and if you can resonate with it take it, if you don’t just don’t.

i manifested a text from my sp 🖤

context

all you guys have to know that we’ve been talking and then suddenly he told me that we shouldn’t been doing this (talking everyday) and that we should just move on, that this is the end.

i said okay and i cried so hard those two days. and then i puted my shit together. i started reading about law of assumption (i was a law of attraction team) and then i tried a little manifestation

so, after that i started reading and reading but not really putting in practice you know, not JUST DOING IT. like i’ve been wavering a lot like always “missing” something or doing something “wrong” —because all we know that’s impossible to fail unless you’re checking the 3d.

the point is took me three weeks FOCUSING in the GOD DAMN TEXT, because when i really PERSISTED only took me HOURS that the text came.

how i did it being stressed about the law

i was so over consumed about all the info, and all the day “trying”, like i was affirming but then checking the 3d. so i took a moment to myself and i went for a little drive alone like 1 am. there’s was nobody so i said “okay, let’s do this”

i stared affirming to see a red car, there’s wasn’t a soul and if a car passed, it was black or white. so i disciplined my mind that has to happen, that IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN. minutes later the goddamn red car came out, after that i did the same with blue cars and green, etc.

so, i realized that was easy and fast. let’s see with a text but a text of my friend that was sleeping. “she’s gonna woke up and the first thing in her mind will be texting me”. i started affirming… but also i started to checking the 3d, letting my ego mind telling me “you can’t”. i came home crying and when i calm down my friend “hey, are u sleeping” AFTER THAT, she told me that she was sleeping and she didn’t even notice it that she wrote me like, was the first thing in their mind.

i did it

i saw a video, and after that i repeat and persisted as hell. with every opposite thoughts i was like “mm noup, we’re already talking”, “why am i saying that if we are talking?” i said —i don’t care about the 3d, if it’s happening in my mind then it’s happening here— i did it until i fell asleep, and then i woke up seeing his prom list and i saw i wasn’t there and we started talking, it wasn’t like i expected 😅 because i didn’t decide the how, i just affirmed that we are talking no matter for what social media or the reason.

my advice

i just can say that, even when you have your desire, you have to keep persisting anyway. when i talked to him, my own insecurities started to appear and i pushed him away. i know i did it because everything that i started to think (not good things) happen.

that was my experience, doesn’t mean it has to happen to you; that’s why i’m telling you KEEP PERSISTING EVEN WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR SP. i still fighting with focusing in my desire and not checking the 3d. so if you are feeling over consumed, leave and go and manifest something that you think it’s “easy”—because nothing it’s easies or harder, big or small to manifest— to grow the trust in yourself 🖤

don’t be scared of pushing him away because they’re already with you, just keep persisting no matter what. all is about NOT checking the 3d you don’t have to believe or feel the affirmation, and persist until it happens

you can manifest without having a good self concept but helps a lot 🖤

[ghostshadowmx]

This is called let's use the motivation of PEOPLE to hopefully help ease the social anxiety of SHARING WRITING.

Here's a snippet from what I'm writing, inspired by that post on the Hanahaki. It's not Red Son centric but he's got the part I like the most right now, so. I don't think what I have on it (outside of this) is good but the point was to write and share something tolerable so, that's what we're doing. Enjoy.

   Red Son was enjoying his “secret evil lair” just the tiniest bit too much.

   Well, if the tiniest bit meant he hadn’t left for the past 48 hours.

   Red Son’s pencil swept across the sheet of paper swiftly, riding on the feeling of being the most relaxed he’d probably ever been.  It wasn’t that he didn’t like his family – his father and him had made huge strides together lately, after all! – but he certainly didn’t mind the space to simply…relax.

   Mei and MK borderline kidnapping Red Son to give him their old “sea-crate” base due to their lack of usage had been the last thing he’d expected when he woke up that morning, but, despite all of his complaining, the way he could soak himself completely into his work without the constant worry of someone looking over his shoulder, or alarm shooting up his spine when he heard footsteps down the hall was…nice.

   Not that he would tell them that. 

   Red Son hummed as he drew, erasing and re-drawing lines, checking what would work and what wouldn’t.  It was only when his phone dinged and he saw a text from his mother, which resulted in an unbearable tightness in his throat, did he remember he’d left his medication at their base.

   Red Son turned away from his work and coughed loudly, pushing green petals out of his throat and letting them fall into his hands.  He grunted softly and pulled a jar out of his pouch, half-full of green petals.  He raised it up to eyeline as he screwed the lid off and let the new petals fall inside.  Just a little bit closer to the black line Nezha had marked near the top of the jar long ago.  “If the petals ever cross this line, tell me, and I’ll handle the rest.”

   Red Son sighed and put the jar away.  He wasn’t stupid.  He knew Nezha meant something by that, but what exactly the Third Lotus Prince had been planning he didn’t know. 

   His thoughts were pulled by a ding at the elevator, and he turned with a sigh.  “No, I did not mi –“ He started, then stopped when he realized who had stepped into his new base was not the noodle boy or dragon girl.

   It was the Monkey King.