#saw someone saying David was just “infatuated” with Julia

[expectiations]

Was it casual when he would have taken down the government itself just to solve her murder? Was it casual when he tried to kill himself after knowing she died? Was it casual when he began color-coding his outfits to match hers? Was it casual? Was it casual? Was it casual?

[twopoppies]

My Policeman Screening - Part 1

Let me start by saying these are comments from a friend who attended tonight’s screening. I haven’t seen the film. I’m just going to give you their commentary as they gave it to me. This is their initial message to me when the came out of the theater:

The movie just finished. IT’S FUCKING GORGEOUS I’m like shaking, it was so beautiful. I’m SO PROUD!! That’s what a performance with a competent director and supportive costars looks like, holy shit!!!

And DAVID FUCKING DAWSON!! EMMA!! And they kept Julia 😭😭😭

Just know I heard people being asked by staff what they thought and EVERYONE around me said EXCELLENT.

This is LONG. So long I have to split it into at least two posts. I’ll put everything under the cut for those who don’t want to see spoilers. And when I say spoilers, I mean it. This is pretty much scene by scene.

Harry gets the first billing on his own. So it opens on a beautiful shot of the water then it his name and then the title of the movie. 🥺🥺🥺 A true leading man!! I was already so proud to see that. Then everyone else gets billing during the opening shots of Patrick arriving.

Okay, from what I can remember in order: It opens with the older Tom and Marion at their home just as Patrick is being brought in from his assisted living facility. Older Tom immediately takes their dog out for a walk while Marion adjusts everything for Patrick in his new room.

She places a picture of her and Tom from their wedding day on a dresser facing the bed so Patrick sees it when he first lies down. Cue the first scream from these girls in the audience who would not stop their constant talking and  giggling because we saw a picture of Harry and Emma posed. 🙄🙄🙄

So it does begin with the older versions of the three. The difference from the book is that Marion is not writing a letter. A box of Patrick’s old things gets delivered and his diary is included. So she actually finds the diary and that’s what initiates a lot of the flashback sequences.

Tom is off walking the dog, Marion is trying to make Patrick comfortable. And then the first flashback is the scene on the beach with where Harry was wearing the blue shorts and vest.

Marion is sitting with Sylvie when Tom comes over. Sylvie’s part is drastically cut from the novel, so you don’t see her getting pregnant or married. She doesn’t tell Marion (or hint rather) that he’s gay like she does in the novel. You only see her in that opening scene to introduce the younger selves and then she teases Marion and tells Tom she doesn’t know how to swim.

Then Sylvie runs off with her boyfriend but we never see her again, she’s just referenced one other time.

They changed this bit from the novel too. Tom tells Marion he’ll teach her but he takes her to a public swimming pool full of families. So it’s a very cute and light scene with up tempo 50s music included. There’s a brief slow mo shot of Tom swimming and Marion being infatuated of course, to imply she’s already falling for him. The parents from the novel are cut too, no scenes with them. When Marion and Tom meet on the beach, he tells her there he just got back from the service and he’s already a Policeman. And she’s already a teacher.

Like the novel, they get to know each other by the swimming lessons and Tom says she must love books if she’s a teacher. He asks her if she knows about Art, she says a bit and there’s a sweet scene where she takes him to a library and they just sit in silence while he’s earnestly reading about an artist he found out about.

He asks her if he’d like to go to a museum since he knows someone that she can talk to about art. Enter younger Patrick.

And omg…when I tell you David Dawson was perfect. EVERYONE was perfect, especially the younger trio. But when I tell you the younger three has the BEST chemistry. And David instantly captivated me. What a presence!

So this is where Tom introduces Marion and Patrick for the first time.

Patrick asks if they would like to attend a play and Marion says sure. But as they’re walking out, Marion says something about attending (I didn’t catch it) but Tom says they can decline Patrick’s offer if she really doesn’t want to go. Marion says no, they should go since she doesn’t want to hurt Patrick’s feelings.

So this is when they go on their first outing as a group. And omg, they’re all so lovely together. If I didn’t know what was coming, I could’ve just watched them be silly as sing together while in a bar. David and Emma both have BEAUTIFUL voices!!

There’s a montage of the three in a bar, then driving together into the countryside for a picnic. Harry sings along with them but (and maybe this was a deliberate decision by the filmmakers) but you hear David and Emma’s voices over his. This montage of their outings is when you start to see the dynamic play out. In the theater, they sit MARION, PATRICK, TOM In the bar, Tom and Patrick grab each other to sign before Marion joins them. In the car going into the country, she’s sitting in the back while Patrick is driving and Tom is sitting up from with him 😭😭😭

Between the younger flashbacks, it did go back to the present. Older Tom stays away from older Patrick completely. Older Marion gives older Patrick his bath/meals/pills and reads his diary (unbeknownst to him).

As in the novel, older Patrick’s his mobility and speech are severely impaired. Rupert Everett gave a wonderful but heartbreaking performance.

The first entry Marion reads is the night Tom went to Patrick’s apartment to have his portrait drawn. So this differed from the novel too!

Those photos we got of Harry in costume with a bag and smoking a cigarette sitting on the beach happen right before he goes to Patrick’s apartment for the drawing session. His uniform is in the bag and, like the novel, he tells Patrick he brought it in case he wants him to wear it for the portrait. Patrick says yes, tells him to change they start.

They talk briefly, Patrick asks why he wanted to be a policeman. Tom says to help people, to which Patrick replies that’s how he differs from other cops. Tom questions him and Patrick says he keeps his distance because not all are like that. Then Tom gets defensive, he sits up straighter and gets this very almost robotic look (or more militarized) and says something like “the police only seek out criminal offences and take appropriate actions when they’re committed”

Patrick offers him a drink right away to change the subject. And then it cuts to them relaxed, Patrick is wearing Tom’s jacket and hat pretending to be a cop and making Tom laugh.

Tom says Patrick will probably think he’s a drunkard for having 3 scotches but Patrick says cops deserve to have fun after they clock out.So they both relax on the couch. And start talking. And this is where my mind glitched Because Gina 🥺🥺🥺

Okay…I swear to god this happened and I KNOW it happened because Patrick has a line about it and this fan I talked to after (that I’m 100% sure was a larrie because she mentioned it too)…The fan mentioned it.

You know that clip of the boys that everyone credits with turning them into a larrie? When Louis pushes his arm back because Harry just uses two fingers or so to stroke his arm

Okay, so in the SCENE Tom and Patrick are sitting on the same couch but a little bit always from each other cause they’re manspreading but Tom has his arm outstretched towards Patrick. So Patrick is kind of talking and then Tom just delicately, WITH THOSE SAME TWO FINGERS I’VE WATCHED OVER AND OVER AGAIN just slightly strokes Patrick’s neck. And my mind immediately went blank because I’VE SEEN HARRY DO THAT BEFORE.

but when I tell you my heart rate sped up because it was so gentle like some of the touches between Louis and Harry used to be.

Wtf wtf wtf. IDK, IMM ACTUALLY ONLY PROCESSING IT NOW AS I’M TELLING IT TO YOU.

So of course Patrick pauses. And Tom pauses. Then Patrick just goes for it. So they don’t have multiple sittings for the drawing, they put the blowjob scene here!

Tom initially says he’s “not like that” and Patrick dismisses it and goes for the kiss. And it’s so sweet and tentative before he gets down on his knees in front. You get a shot from behind the couch/Tom’s head then you just get Harry’s beautiful acting as he falls apart.

SUCK MY DICK OLIVIA WILDE. We need more QUEER pleasure represented on our screens. But I digress. 🤣

Then it cuts to Tom getting dressed quickly after and saying they can’t do this, it’s wrong. Then Patrick says, rightfully so, “YOU TOUCHED ME FIRST!” But Tom can’t argue with that so he flees. and it cuts back to older Marion finishing up the diary entry.

Her behavior never changes towards Patrick, she even shares a cigarette with him even though he’s not supposed to have any and she keeps trying to get Tom to see him.

So from the first blow job scene, Tom returns to the apartment drunk, asking Patrick if he’d keep drawing him. Of course Patrick is totally thrown off given how they parted before. But he sees Tom is drunk and doesn’t want his neighbors to find them again (during the first visit, a neighbor does come out but Tom is introduced as a cousin)

Tom is of course struggling with everything. He yells a bit. And oh Harry was so great. I told [another friend], I actually was able to get lost and (despite the rude crowd) JUST see Tom. I was so heartbroken for him.

But of course Patrick understands and they actually have sex. And oh wow…once again, OLIVIA WILDE SUCK MY DICK. 

It wasn’t raunchy but it was EXPLICIT. You see them together a few times. In the bed and on the couch with Patrick riding him, OH MY GOD!! It was beautiful shot!! It was actual GAY sex and not some bullshit scene with Harry’s head under a skirt.

You do see Harry completely nude from behind. I would say a step further than Brokeback Mountain, no full frontal. David is gorgeous, his bf is also lucky. 😂

DWD is fucking child’s play in comparison. The gays stay winning.

I told [my friend] gay sex should always be shot this way. It was obviously well choreographed. The riding scene had beautiful vertical lines of their bodies shot from a small distanceIt wasn’t obscene, it was supposed to show them falling apart together and it was lovely.

They end up in bed together with Tom’s head on Patrick’s chest and that’s where Patrick says he had a previous partner that was killed for being gay. So they decide to obviously keep their relationship a secret.

It was so natural and Harry looked so amazing. I was so strangely proud, again just to see him be able to do that and recognize it as art and have it be a part of such an important story.

I know people are gonna ask you, so just to get it out there: Tom tops in every scene. When they’re in bed, Patrick does switch positions with him but just to kiss along his neck. And honestly, for a second I thought we were getting a rimming scene because Harry kind of arched his back 😳 But then it cut away. That DID make my eyebrows go up a bit but then no. Good form though, Styles. And congrats Louis, you lucky mfer.

OH! Before Tom goes back, there is a scene where Patrick visits the gay bar mentioned in the novel. He thinks he ruined his moment with Tom, so he goes to find someone else. They go to an alleyway and he’s about to blow the guy when two cops come. Patrick escapes but his guy is arrested.

Part 2

Part 3

[mayxwolf]

all of them >:D (or just your favorites)

WAIT, THESE ARE ACTUALLY HELLA CUTE QUESTIONS.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? that would be years ago, back when i was 13 I held my friends hands because they wanted my warmth lmaoo2. Are you outgoing or shy? Both, I’m shy at first but then I am very outgoing.3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? No one lol4. Are you easy to get along with? Yes I am5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Uhhhh, maybe? lol6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Woof uh, I’m basically attracted to anyone? Like if they have a good humor, a nice personality, I’m good lol and that they should be respectful and all.7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I honestly don’t know8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? No one9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nope, it gets me interested lol10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My friends11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “Mama, what is it that you want from amazon?”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Bethibini, Issues, A paris, Baila, VOY A OLVIDARME DE TI13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? I ENJOY IT14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Yes I do15. What good thing happened this summer? I went to Pride for the first time with my best friend16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? I never kissed anyone so….17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Yeah I guess18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Nope19. Do you like bubble baths? Its been years I had one, but yeah I like them when i was a kid.20. Do you like your neighbors? I hate some of them because they’re such nosy ass motherfuckers21. What are you bad habits? leg shaking, cracking my knuckles and entire body.22. Where would you like to travel? Uhhhhh I honestly don’t know where.23. Do you have trust issues? Yes I do24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Eating25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My big belly and double chin26. What do you do when you wake up? Go on my laptop27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? I like my skin color28. Who are you most comfortable around? My best friends because I can be who I am with them29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Not really one told me he felt sorry for using me, the other one felt sorry for leading me on, and the other one just felt bad due to apathy but eh I forgive them, I never hold a grudge on anyone. I want them to have a happy life anyways30. Do you ever want to get married? Don’t know honestly31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? Yeppers32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj, Rihanna33. Spell your name with your chin. mqy6 (my name is may but I tried lmaoo)34. Do you play sports? What sports? I use to play sports, like baseball, basketball, martial arts, soccer35. Would you rather live without TV or music? without tv36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Oh a bunch of times and still am37. What do you say during awkward silences? I’m silent or just laugh out of no where38. Describe your dream girl/guy? There is no dream girl/guy to me, like honestly in this reality, I wouldn’t mind anyone. We can be friends and if something were to happen between us, well then so be it lol39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? New York Company40. What do you want to do after high school? I’m years out of high school, I’m already in college and I still haven’t done so much shit in my life41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Yeah, I guess only if you’re a toxic person to me to the point you trigger me then no42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I’m daydreaming, thinking about something till my mind goes blank43. Do you smile at strangers? no, I glare, depends if they smile back then I’ll just blink and make a nervous smile44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Outer space, I have a phobia of being in water45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Food46. What are you paranoid about? Losing someone47. Have you ever been high? No48. Have you ever been drunk? No49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Not really, well only one thing and that’s hoping my family not knowing I went to Pride since they don’t know I’m pansexual TuT50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Black51. Ever wished you were someone else? Not really52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? My chubby body53. Favourite makeup brand? I don’t use makeup54. Favourite store? Ain’t got one55. Favourite blog? Ain’t got one56. Favourite color? Black, Red, Orange57. Favourite food? peaches58. Last thing you ate? Pork with rice, fried flour eggs tortilla59. First thing you ate this morning? Pork with rice, fried flour eggs tortilla60. Ever won a competition? For what? Halloween back in 2006, for having the best costume (I was a barbarian babe It was my mom’s costume but since it was a bit big on me, it fit. Also my mom didn’t have much money so this was my costume for that school halloween party )

 you can see the picture of lil me and my best friend under the keep reading 

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Nope62. Been arrested? For what? Nope63. Ever been in love? Yep64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? Never had one65. Are you hungry right now? Yep66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? I love both67. Facebook or Twitter? Facebook68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now? No70. Names of your bestfriends? Aixla and David71. Craving something? What? peaches72. What colour are your towels? lime green72. How many pillows do you sleep with? Four, two under me head, one next to me so I feel like someone’s behind me, the other is next to me to hug and one under my covers so I can wrap my legs around73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Yes74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 1075. Favourite animal? Wolf76. What colour is your underwear? Right now it’s pink77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla78. Favourite ice cream flavor? Cookies and cream79. What colour shirt are you wearing? A black shirt I bought when I was at Las Vegas80. What colour pants? Red81. Favourite tv show? Steven Universe82. Favourite movie? I love a lot of movies83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean Girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean Girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? It’s been years I haven’t watched it86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Dory87. First person you talked to today? My Grandma88. Last person you talked to today? My friend89. Name a person you hate? I don’t hate anyone anymore……sometimes90. Name a person you love? Hah….HAH…..there’s these 4 peeps that I have a crush on but I ain’t telling ( I already told one of them )91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? No one’s face for now92. In a fight with someone? nope93. How many sweatpants do you have? A lot94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? A lot95. Last movie you watched? I don’t remember lol96. Favourite actress? None that I can think of97. Favourite actor?  None that I can think of98. Do you tan a lot? I tan while walking outside lmaoo, like I’m already tan af99. Have any pets? Yes, I got a 13 year old doggo named Clifford, and for just a few days a caterpillar that’s in it’s Chrysalis named G jr100. How are you feeling? Tired101. Do you type fast? Yes102. Do you regret anything from your past? Some things103. Can you spell well? Yes, sometimes104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Not really105. Ever been to a bonfire party? No106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Yes and boy they didn’t take it that well OTL107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yep when I was 7108. What should you be doing? on Tumblr, answering this109. Is something irritating you right now? That I have to go back to college on weds due to some bullshit110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?  Yep111. Do you have trust issues? Yep112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? My grandma when it was father’s day, saw a picture of my grandpa and just knowing he’s not here anymore really got me crying113. What was your childhood nickname? Kyo, Kiba, Maylita114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yep115. Do you play the Wii? Yep116. Are you listening to music right now? Issues by Julia Michaels117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Yep118. Do you like Chinese food? Yep119. Favourite book? Scarlet Letter120. Are you afraid of the dark? Sometimes121. Are you mean? Some people can say I’m a bitch but that’s because I am really honest and say what I think in your face which is bad sometimes122. Is cheating ever okay? NEVER123. Can you keep white shoes clean? No124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Sometimes, I just feel like it can be infatuation……125. Do you believe in true love? Eh, yeah….kinda126. Are you currently bored? Mhm127. What makes you happy? Being with friends and just away from home sometimes128. Would you change your name? Nah129. What your zodiac sign? Aquarius 130. Do you like subway? Yep131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? …..He’s gay, if he loves me like a sister then I love him like a brother lmaoo132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Uh, no one I think?133. Favourite lyrics right now? ‘Cause I got issues, But you got 'em too, So give 'em all to me, And I’ll give mine to you’134. Can you count to one million? Yep135. Dumbest lie you ever told? I’M STRAIGHT 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed137. How tall are you? 5′4138. Curly or Straight hair? My hair is wavy139. Brunette or Blonde? uhhhh both I guess?140. Summer or Winter? Winter141. Night or Day? Night142. Favourite month? October HALLOWEEN BITCHES143. Are you a vegetarian? Nah144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? All of them above145. Tea or Coffee? Both146. Was today a good day? Kinda, I guess147. Mars or Snickers? Snickers148. What’s your favourite quote? “I am who I am, your approval isn’t needed”149. Do you believe in ghosts? Yep150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? -looks around- I ain’t got no books near me

also the picture of me with my best friend in me costume back in 2006

[zenscientist-blog]

Albums of my undergrad

A compilation of albums I have listened to over the past 5 years. Many of these bring back close memories that I will never get back. These albums are really important to me and I feel like they shaped my life in one way or another.  1A (Sept 2012)

1. Channel Orange - Frank Ocean Channel Orange is a good start to this list. The first time I listened to this album was when my first boyfriend (who wasn’t my boyfriend at the time) notified me that the album had leaked sometime in July (?) of 2012. I remember vaguely laying on my bed messaging him on Facebook when I decided to download it. At this point in my life I was exploring my sexuality for the first time (legitimately); ultimately it showed in the way I treated him during first semester in university when he decided to switch from socio-econ to my current program and when I kept him my dirty little secret for about half a year. It was a learning experience, and I think it was because of him and Channel Orange that I decided to finally come out in 1B through a note I left under my pillow when I went home to visit during Christmas break. There was something very brave about Franks choice to out himself publicly on tumblr through this sentimental note about his first love - it really resonated with me at the time, and still does to this day. Of which turned out to be this fuckboy in Ottawa I still had residual feelings for from some stupid online infatuation that I eventually pursued in semester 3A. That’s an aside. This album also had significance to this duality and persona of mystery that my life had become. Duality as in my identity, mystery as in my inability to really open up to my close friends and family. It felt pure, to be reborn like that. It really felt like a new beginning, which is suitable cause the next four to five years definitely brought big change. 

2. Yankee Hotel Foxtrot - Wilco YHF is an eclectic album to say the least -- this one tops a lot of P4K and other music blog lists.. and for a good reason. In 1A I annoyed my roommates to death by putting this album on loop, covering several songs on the guitar and eventually playing “Heavy Metal Drummer” at a coffee house with a group of my close friends. I still remember the printed out lyrics with a whimsical sketch of a woman’s figure on my wall. I also remember changing my cover photo at the time to the album artwork (cause I’m a total dork). At that time, a random architecture student decided to troll me by imitating my Facebook page - down to the article of clothing and backdrop of my profile pictures and my cover photo.. that happened to by YHF at the time. It became a joke in my program and I ended up meeting their entire group in residence in 1B.  The album was met with high praise with my half asian friend I met through my next door neighbour in first year. In Calgary my colleague told me his really intelligent aunt bought him the album in high school but never got around to listening to it until university.  The Idler wheel.. - Fiona Apple The Moon and Antartica - Modest Mouse The Blue Album - Weezer OK Computer, Kid A, In Rainbows, The Bends - Radiohead Pavement - Slanted and Enchanted

1B (January 2013)

Emergency & I - The Dismemberment Plan Good Kid M.A.A.D City - Kendrick Lamar Hurry Up I’m Dreaming - M83 Young Team - Mogwai Self-titled - My Bloody Valentine Person Pitch - Panda Bear Merriweather Post-Pavillion - AC Strawberry Jam - AC Pavement - Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain

Summerbreak London (May 2013)

The Soft Bulletin - The Flaming Lips Acid Rap - Chance the Rapper Dummy - Portishead Doolittle - The Pixies Set Yourself on Fire - Stars Last Splash - The Breeders MCII - Mikal Cronin

2A (September 2013)

The Money Store - Death Grips Obsidian - Baths  Cerulean - Baths

This album was recommended to me by my co-worker in London when I worked back at the slab after noticing I had obsidian on my phone. I remember listening to this as I closed shop, everything I did there felt so efficient. My career right now feels very iterative and methodological, I wish I could just go back and serve someone ice cream. 

The album also reminds me of biking to theory every morning in the Fall and was the start of my inspiration to learn about DAWs in 2B; along with Cosmogramma and the Money Store of course.. I love the stark contrast between Obsidian and Cerulean, dark and light. Eventually I saw him live in Calgary that Summer.

‘if you still want me to be there, i'd be there in a minute to say: "i love you enough to drive an hour from wherever i am to be with you" and it is always the simplest shit that means the most’

Cosmogramma - Flying Lotus Flying Colours - Shad Narrow - Soap&Skin Six Feet Beneath the Moon - King Krule 2 - Mac Demarco 

2B (January 2014) Loud City Song - Julia Holter Weird Sisters - Joanna Gruesome Nick Drake - Pink Moon Fetch - Melt-Banana Clara Schumann Benji - Sun Kil Moon Sea Change - Beck Immunity - Jon Hopkins I’m Wide Awake and It’s Morning - Bright Eyes

Calgary (May 2014) Michigan - Sufjan Stevens Illinois - Sufjan Stevens Mezzanine - Massive Attack  Keep It Like a Secret - Built to Spill Is This It - The Strokes They want my soul - Spoon Ocean Death - Baths Sound Dust - Stereolab

3A (September 2014) Neon Golden - Notwist Kill the Moonlight - Spoon Either / Or - Elliott Smith

Elliott Smith will always have a place in my heart. There is something about listening to Elliott’s music that is sad yet hopeful. He does a great job of depicting complex emotions and it’s something I look for in art. It’s strange how we do a downward comparison; it’s relieving to know someone else is having a shitty day.  I don’t really remember listening to Elliott Smith for the first time. I do remember the period I did fall in love with Either/Or, which was at the end of a rocky relationship. I’d say it was a devastating time in my life (not to sound too dramatic). I was coming back to school from Alberta and I had been in a long-distance relationship with someone that went to school an hour away by train. The end of this relationship dragged on for months. I was holding onto someone that did not see me the same way. That’s ok. He never had this intention that I would move across the country for him on a whim. I wish he would have figured that out before it were too late. Unless he realized this in Calgary. Either way, I don’t regret it. I loved him a lot. Unfortunately I was a mess. I don’t think I have ever been more depressed in my life when that one ended. At the time my mom was also going through some tough shit with her separation. I needed to be strong for my mom. It’s amazing how things have really pulled through for her. Too many tears were shed that October. All my friends were there for me. The last track on Either/Or is about Elliott’s ex-girlfriend. Its the only song in his discography that I can pinpoint and say “holy shit. Elliott was really in love with this girl, and she broke his heart”  Say yes!!  This list is turning into a personal diary.. but I see it as a way for me to remember my past as it was. I kind of like this. Turn on the Bright Lights - Interpol Endless Fantasy - Anamanaguchi

Without You I’m Nothing - Placebo Leaves Turn Inside You, Repetition - Unwound Juju - Siouxsie and the Banshees Music Has the Right to Children - Boards of Canada Geogaddi - Boards of Canada Ottawa (January 2015) Halcyon Digest - Deerhunter Whirr - Distressor LP1 - FKA Twigs Homogenic - Björk French Exit - TV Girl Black Messiah - D’Angelo Rumours - Fleetwood Mac Otis Blue - Otis I See a Darkness - Bonnie Prince Billy Chutes too Narrow - The Shins I Love You Honey Bear - Father John Misty Nocturne - Wild Nothing 3B (May 2015) To Pimp a Butterfly - Kendrick Lamar Celebrity Skin - Hole Self-titled - Garbage  Sometimes I Just Sit and Think - Courtney Barnett Whirlpool - Chapterhouse Self-titled - American Football Richard D James Album - Aphex Twin Drukqs - Aphex Twin Gentlemen - The Afghan Whigs  Self-Titled - Third Eye Blind

Kitchener (September 2015)

Heaven or Las Vegas - Cocteau Twins Sun Coming Down - Ought Life of Pause - Wild Nothing Colour Trip - Ringo Deathstarr  Fading Frontier - Deerhunter So the Flies Don’t Come - Milo Soul Mining - The The Moon Safari - Air Depression Cherry - Beach House Have you in my Wilderness - Julia Holter 4A (January 2016) Blood Visions - Jay Reatard Young Americans - David Bowie Black Star - David Bowie Meliora - Ghost Nowhere - Ride SVIIB - School of Seven Bells  Emergency on Planet Earth - Jamiroquai Parklife - Blur Wellness - Last Dinosaurs Kaputt - Destroyer The Campfire Headphase - Boards of Canada Oxford (April - May 2016) A Moon Shaped Pool - Radiohead Bottomless Pit - Death Grips Ottawa (June - August 2016) Fantasma - Cornelius  Communique - Dire Straits Tarot Sport - Fuck Buttons 69 Love Songs - The Magnetic Fields Eye Contact - Gang Gang Dance Strangers - Marissa Nadler Tired of Tomorrow - Nothing Malibu - Anderson Paak LP2 - Metz  Telephone - Noname Ottawa (September 2016) Endless - Frank Ocean  Blond(e) - Frank Ocean 22, A Million - Bon Iver Entertainment! - Gang of Four Self-Titled - Elliott Smith Screamadelica - Primal Scream Autolux - Future Perfect Teens of Denial - Car Seat Headrest Guilty of Everything - Nothing

4B (January 2017 - Present) From a Basement on the Hill - Elliott Smith The Downward Spiral - Nine Inch Nails Mic City Sons - Heatmiser Gala - Lush Self-titled - Blur 13 - Blur ...