#saw one that says hes sadistic and i was seething !!!! you dont get him...

[poliodeuces]

i started playing genshin again💔💔💔 i stopped playing the game in the middle of the inazuma stuff bc i thought the puzzles were so tedious. but every once in a while i think abt dottore. and then i discovered he's actually in the game ?! my only motivation is dottore bc he's my favourite since the webcomic. i even put him in my cursed hypothetical idol group. he looks and sounds gorgeous in the game but in my heart he's the shark-toothed bastard in the comic. he reminds me of julien de la mettrie, particularly his book 'man a machine,' (it was so controversial he fled deutschland), although ofc. his is if l'homme machine, the mechanisation of the human body, is taken literally w

here's dottore and pantalone. im surprised the game actually made direct references to the roles of these characters in commedia dell'arte w the tiny crumbs of lore saying these two work closely together wwww it makes me giggle

[babysizedfics]

Poor roman :( but that being said I am heka interested in 5

remus humiliates roman in front of jamal (but jamal is a sweetheart)

vote from this concept voting post!

TWs: swearing, emotional humiliation, arguing, remus is generally pretty mean in this - not "unsympathetic" but his behaviour is not ok, brief alcohol mention but it isnt a main feature

first some background info on remus and ro:

roman and remus' friend groups actually run parallel to each other by pure councidence in that theyre the same age and are both in the local queer scene

usually they only run into each other on nights out and avoid each other like the plague... until one of romans friends and one of remus' friends become a very serious couple and the friendship groups merge

remus tends to hang it over romans head whenever they argue or remus just feels like teasing him that he could so so easily spill romans secret littlespace to all his friends

and while roman claims to not care he also really doesnt want that to happen, especially the specific things remus threatens to reveal (namely him calling his cgs mommy and daddy, and his fear of the dark - which remus knows are romans biggest embarrassments)

and remus never USUALLY actually follows through on his threats, he loves to freak roman out but he doesnt mean to be intentionslly cruel.

but one night theyve had an argument recently and remus is out to hurt roman and finally follows through on his threat to reveal romans secrets. in front of jamal

((the actual incident below the cut))

all the friends are walking back from a night out, and remus hangs back from the group to talk to jamal. roman is just glaring at remus and not saying anything and holding jamals hand tightly. remus hasnt embarrassed him too bad so far, just asking jamal questions and referring to roman as his "baby brother" which is so annoying, but the thing is roman can tell hes building up to something

then suddenly remus smirks when he sees a completely pitch black side street thats theyre about to pass by, and he calls out to everyone "hey guys, there's a 24/7 mcdonalds through here and its a shortcut to the bus stop" and everyones like WOO mcdonalds and redirects to go down the side street

and romans heart pounds watching the friends all filter down the street without a second thought, theres no streetlights down there, theres light on the other side quite far away, but before that its SO DARK. and he freezes in place and jamal is tugged back by it and looks back at him. "babe, come on"

romans starting to feel shaky and he literally cant move his feet. his eyes flick between the street and remus' sadistic cocky smirk.

"whats wrong baby bro? you stuck or something?" remus leers with that stupid stupid smirk

and roman HATES him so so much

"ro, what's the matter?" jamal asks

"i- um," roman stutters, trying to keep his voice from shaking too much at the sight of his friends just having DISAPPEARED into the darkness - how are they okay with that?? "i- im not hungry"

"okay well i am, and remus said it was a shortcut anyway so-"

"i-i -- no i can't"

seraphina, romans best friend, looks back and notices whats happening and quickly jogs over (knowing roman is scared of the dark) "hey roma, it's okay we dont have to go down there" she soothes

jamal is supportive but he doesnt get it. he thinks roman is scared of criminals or smth. "i promise theres no one bad down there, hun. and i'll be right next to you the whole time, i'll protect you" and he smiles and tugs romans hand to pull him towards the side street

romans eyes quickly tear up and he panics and rambles "nononono dont please please i cant i cant" in a broken voice and plants his feet firmly on the ground, paralysed with fear

remus starts cackling "ohhhhh thats right~" as if he just remembered. "my baby brother's terrified of the dark, isn't he?"

"f*ck off, re" sera barks, standing between the twins, protective of roman

"wait, are you?" jamal asks sounding surprised. roman doesnt let himself look at him, too busy watching remus warily and knowing thats not all he has planned to embarrass roman

remus goes on, shouting out to jamal over sera's head "he's petrified!" he confirms sounding delighted. "yknow that massive blackout last summer? he cried like a baby. literally sobbing for his daddy patton to make it go away"

theres a brief silence because no, sera and jamal didnt expect remus to refer to patton as romans daddy - they both know roman calls him dad but this is a surprise.

and that one second of silence drags on for ages for roman, all he can hear is his heart pounding in his ears and remus' obnoxious laughter

he is shaking, frozen in shock rather than fear now. for all of remus' teasing threats at home, he didnt expect remus to actually do it. hes devastated and humiliated that remus told to his best friend and especially his BOYFRIEND of all ppl

and honestly he's not even thinking about the pitch black side street right now because the streetlights on the main road are blurred by tears welling in his eyes anyway

"why dont you just leave him alone!" sera hisses furiously after her mild shock

then jamal bounces back rlly stern to remus "yeah i already know about that! roman told me and it was HIS choice to tell me"

roman stares at him in disbelief but jamal is too busy staring daggers at remus to notice

remus looks suddenly offended and frowns. hes clearly hurt that the others dont think its funny "jeez youre both such bores. im just having some fun"

"youre demented if you think thats fun" seraphina growls and shoves remus away towards the sidestreet. remus rolls his eyes and runs ahead to join the others who are all oblivious to that coversation, howling with drunken laughter in the pitch black and jumping out and scaring each other

"f*cking prick" jamal calls after remus, seething

sera quickly throws a concerned look to roman "you okay?"

roman just swallows thickly and looks between seraphina and where he saw remus join the others in the pitch black. his stomach churns at the idea of remus telling more people. "i-is he gonna--"

"im on it" sera nods and starts turning around "i wont let him tell anyone else, roma, promise" then she runs ahead to keep an eye on remus and to give him and jamal some privacy

after a moment jamal turns back to roman looking so worried and holds his hands and asks very gently "babe, can you tell me how youre feeling?"

and roman is teary but he whispers "i - you stuck up for me"

jamal looks suddenly sad and cups romans cheek "of course i did"

"but you said i told you about it. i- i didnt tell you that i-" roman gulps after his voice wobbles "i didnt tell you about it"

and jamal smiles sadly and goes "i know babe... im sorry, i just didnt wanna give him any more power. it seemed like he's held that over you for a while"

suddenly the tears in romans eyes overspill and he doesnt really know why but he can't stop them

jama gasps a little "oh roman, its ok" and just pulls him into a tight hug

roman clings and sniffles, glad that he can hide his tears from his boyfriend even if it is in his neck.

and jamal just strokes his back and whispers "its ok baby, its ok" **

they talk about it quietly as they take the longer, well-lit route instead. roman admits he would never have told jamal abt his fear on his own - and the reason he's been avoiding staying overnight at jamals apartment is bc the one time he did he got so scared of the dark that he couldnt sleep and was just anxious all night but wouldnt wake jamal to tell him

after jamal finds out hes like baby why didnt u tell me its okay and comforts him about it not being embarrassing or childish. then:

"so you do actually want to stay at mine, its just because its so dark that you didnt?"

roman nods shyly "yeah... im sorry i know its a dumb fear i just-"

"its not dumb ro. i meant to say if it works for you, we could leave the hall light on and the door open. its not like i live with anyone who can walk in."

roman blinks "wait you - really? it wont make it hard for you to sleep?"

jamal smiles softly "no hun, honestly i could sleep anywhere. i fell asleep in the middle of the day in the staffroom just last month"

roman laughs, so so so relieved

"so... maybe next time you come over for dinner you could stay the night, yeah?" jamal says with a smile and a blush. he wraps his arm around romans waist and pulls him in, hip to hip

roman bites his lip and blushes. after a moment he suggests shyly "im free tonight..."

and jamal smiles so big, stops walking and puts his arm up to romans chest to stop him too then angles romans jaw down to kiss him

in the near future jamal promises to buy a plain nightlight and always leaves it on for roman when he stays overnight from then on

**side note: roman could never stand anyone calling him baby before because he felt infantilised at school becaus of his undiagnosed adhd. so he sees it as a derogatory name more than anything. but when jamal says it roman feels so warm and respected because he knows jamal would never mean it in that way. so jamal has "baby" rights basically

[iridescentearth]

I dont know what to say. I have so much to say though.

I guess ill start with i hate you. I hate you with every fiber of my body. I'm utterly seething in rage and wish you would be hit with all the consequences of all the shitty things you have ever done to me and others. I hate what you did to me. I hate how you made me feel and hate that years later you continue to make me feel that way. I hate that im scared of you. But most of all i hate how i didnt hate you then. I hate that i loved you.

I poured so much fucking love into you. So much. I thought that maybe if i filled your cracks with love and affection, you would heal. But you never did. Instead you took your own wounds and repeated them on me, making sure i felt every inch of pain you ever felt. You broke me, repeatedly, until i was just an empty shell like you. You never wanted to heal, to love. You just wanted another to hurt as bad as you did. You made it worse pretending you wanted to heal. You promised me big things. You went to rehab. You promised therapy. Everytime you always fell through. And it was always MY fault. I wasnt supportive enough. I made you relapse. I made you angry. Everything.was.always.my.fault. ALWAYS. Every time you drank. Everytime you smoked. Everytime you picked up hard drugs.

Ah the drugs. You loved them didnt you? You still do. You always loved them more than me. You always made that abundantly clear. Like the time you gave me laced weed and i started freaking out over what it was doing to my body. You laughed and thought it was a funny joke. You knew i wouldnt have smoked it if i knew. You always wanted me in an altered state of mind. Easier for you to play with your doll i guess. I wouldnt object to your sexual advances. I wouldnt fight back when you were angry. How could i? I couldnt even function. I only ever did it to make you happy, until it became the only escape from your hell i knew.

I cant stand you. Yet i can still feel your hands around my neck. I can still feel the bruises you left on my wrists. I can still feel the sharp blade of the knife you pressed against my throat and the sadistic look in your eyes when you threatened to kill me. You really did want to kill me that day. And it wasnt the first day. I still feel the saliva dripping down my face after you called me a cunt and spit on me. I still feel your disgusting hands touching my body when i said no. And i will always remember the rabid look on your face while you screamed at me to love you while you shook me so hard i thought i would pass out.

I am still amazed at the amount of shock and stress that my body was able to handle. All the panic attacks, anxiety attacks, the physical abuse, the mental abuse. I remember my throat closing so tight i couldnt breathe, screaming was the only thing that saved my life that day. I was hysterical. it was the closest to choking to death ive ever been. I remember crying myself to sleep in the dark next to you after youve had your fill of my body. I remember so many nights of me breaking down, crying uncontrollably so hard i couldnt stop shaking or wailing. I remember sitting in the cold outside, trying to take my life over and over again. Time after time. I was never as suicidal as when i was with you. My friends are the only reason im alive today. You were the only reason i wouldve been dead.

You have destroyed me as a person. And i loved you still. You raped me. And i loved you still. You hurt me physically. And i loved you still. You hurt my friends. And i loved you still. You hurt my family. And i loved you still. You took EVERYTHING from me. My education. my body. My mind. My sanity. My friends. My family. And i loved you still. I still had hope in you. I still wanted to be there for you. I gave you love in its purest form after being beaten down again and again and stripped of everything, and it wasn't enough. I was never enough.

I.was.never.enough.

Each day that rings in my mind. Each day im reminded of my worth to you. I dont think itll ever go away. Do you know what it does to a person, to love someone that much, to only get what i got in return? You took advantage of me in such a vulnerable time in my life. I was merely a child when you found me. I was 14. you were 17. You wouldnt get out of my life until i was 18. 4 years. All of my highschool career. They were supposed to be one of the most enjoyable times in my life. I was supposed to make friends, go to dances, and be a kid. Instead i was isolated, raped, and abused. 4 fucking years. 4 years of my childhood. Youre a predator. i dont know how you couldve looked at a child my age like that. Youre disgusting. You make me disgusted.

I feel like i lost out on so much. I salvaged what i could during the final months of my senior year. I tried to live again. I made new friends. I learned to love again.

Im still learning to love. Its hard. Its hard to believe someone when they say they love me. Its hard to love my parents when they wouldnt protect me when i was a child. Its hard to love and believe anyone.

But i have HIM now. And he is much more of a man than you will EVER be. He doesnt even raise his voice at me. When he puts his hands on me, he does so to hold me. When he puts his lips on me, he does so to tell me he loves me. When he gets intimate with me, he does so to worship me. When he hovers around me, he does so to protect me from anything bad, not out of jealousy. When he picks up my phone, he does so to read me a message, instead of searching my phone for reasons to be mad. When he drinks around me, he does so to celebrate his happiness, not sadness. When he lays down next to me for bed, he does so to sleep, and lets me sleep, and doesnt expect anything further. He is a true and proper gentleman, and much more than you could EVER hope to be. Hes made me believe in true love again. Hes made me believe in healthy love. Hes made me believe in loving myself first this time. And hes made me believe that i can have love in its purest unselfish form given back to me. I may have put myself back together after you broke me, but he was the one to fill my cracks with gold. He saw me broken, but instead he decided that broken was beautiful, and he loved me anyways. We build eachother up together, helping eachother grow and blossom from the dirt we used to lay in. THAT is what love is. And that is how i am meant to be loved.

[artificialqueens]

Withstanding The Test Of Time Ch3 - Shalaska - pureCAMP

A/N - this was last updated in june… i dont know how to write things ever. plz love me

also i am giving love to nymph bc she deserves it, tuesday (frida) bc she was birthed, wick bc they’re my fave and all of my aq brits!!

Sharon’s head was spinning. No matter how many times she closed her eyes as she dashed out of the room, she could still see Alaska’s face, frozen in shock. No matter how many times she shook her head as she ran up the stairs, trying to clear her mind, she could still feel the horror that had pierced her chest as the pieces came together. Practically blind, she blundered through the upstairs of the house she knew so well, pushing open a door and flinging herself into whatever room lay behind it.

The bathroom. Sharon skidded to a halt, leaning heavily against the sink as she caught her breath. She could hear footsteps thundering up the stairs, which was undoubtedly Willam following her, but she didn’t bother looking up. Part of her wasn’t even sure she could lift her head. Her mind was a demonic cacophony of things she wished she didn’t know.

“Sharon!” Came Willam’s pant, the proximity of his voice indicating that he’d reached the top of the stairs. “Sharon, where are you? Come back!��

He wasted no time at all in locating his runaway friend, slamming doors open until he saw Sharon facing away from him in the bathroom, seemingly gazing at her reflection in the mirror.

“What… are you doing?” He started hesitantly, noting how Sharon’s eyes didn’t meet his in the reflective glass.

Sharon gripped the edges of the sink tighter. “I have a pimple right above my eyebrow.” She stated plainly, and then turned around to look at Willam. “I hope it goes away before I have to get fucking married!”

Willam winced. “I was going to tell you, bitch, I…”

“No, no, no,” Sharon swiftly cut him off. “You don’t get to act like we’re best fucking friends right now. You weren’t gonna tell me! You were gonna let me live in wilful ignorance until I turned up at the fucking registry office and lo and behold, you and Courtney happen to know the woman I have to marry very well! What a fucking coincidence!”

She was seething. “I heard the two of you talking when I was in hospital, then Sasha at work looked under the tape and told me a little about her, and now all the fucking jigsaw pieces have come together and I have to marry her.”

Willam’s expression was somewhere between guilty and angry as he tried to scramble together a response. “Sharon, I know you don’t like all of this but Alaska is a really great person! She’s funny, she’s kind, she’s pretty – she’s a real catch! You could do so much worse.”

“Are you serious? I could do worse? So I’m supposed to be happy about what is essentially an arranged marriage because she’s not ugly and boring? I could do better, too, Willam! Ideally, marrying someone I actually love when I’m ready to marry them!”

“Fuck, Sharon.” Willam swore, starting to get angrier. “Listen to me. You – could – do – worse. I’m saying that because at the minute, princess, I think Alaska’s the unlucky one for having to be stuck with you!”

Sharon’s jaw dropped in offense. “Princess?! Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“Someone who grew up!” Willam cried out. “Fucking hell, Sharon! A happily married man with a kid, a good career, a nice house, a decent car! At twenty four! And what do you have to show for twenty four years? You’ve been single your whole life, you live in a shitty flat, you don’t have a car and you’re still an intern at the firm you’ve worked at for two years now! Let me just say this, Alaska may be the best thing that ever happens to you!”

He clapped a hand over his mouth as Sharon inhaled sharply, her nostrils flaring. “I knew it. You think I’m beneath you!”

Willam faltered. “I – I didn’t mean that.”

“Yes you did!” Sharon pointed at him accusingly, one long black nail jabbed in his direction. “You think I’m a total and utter failure, don’t you? Some kind of fucking idiot?”

“FINE!” Willam exploded. “Yes, I do think that! You constantly go to useless protests about your fucking timer because you’re clinging to the idea that the voice of one pathetic sad loser will change the world. Well guess what – it won’t. You still wear tape over your timer, like we did when we were teenagers, because you’re still afraid of realizing you were wrong and falling in love with the name written on it! The name which you can’t even say! The words you can’t even look at!”

Sharon faltered as she tried to respond. Try as she might, no words would come out. All her brain was doing was helplessly supplying he’s right he’s right he’s right, a sadistic mental torment. He was right. Everything he said was true, the frustration in his eyes and the irritation in his voice were all perfectly justified. He was right.

She struggled for a moment; watching Willam’s face work through several different emotions as she tried to push up the sleeve of her dress. When she’d managed to get it to her elbow, she scraped a corner of the grey duct tape up with her thumbnail, and using the corner as a tab, ripped the tape off.

Instantly, the cool air of the bathroom started to soothe the stinging that attacked the red-raw skin. Sharon held her arm out straight, her face scrunched up, hating how much she was trembling.

“Alaska Thunderfuck!” She choked out, screwing her eyes shut as tears threatened to spill over. “There, I said it. Alaska Thunderfuck.”

Those two words were too much – a symbol of the end of her freedom, a verbal reminder that soon enough, her life would no longer be her own. Before the fortnight was up, those two words would mark the beginning of the end of her life.

She couldn’t stop the tears in time. There was one, and then another, and then they were pouring down her face uncontrollably. Her cheap, possibly out-of-date mascara started to bleed into her eyes, only exacerbating the distressed crying. In an instant, any last dregs of anger that resided in Willam’s chest dissipated. He wanted to be angry – Sharon had freaked and ran, causing all of the guests to stare in shock as Willam chased after her. He knew that Courtney would be mad at him later, for not pre-warning her, and he knew Alaska would be upset with him for reasons neither of them could explain, but he couldn’t muster up any more anger. Sharon, his best friend, was now perched on the edge of his bathtub, the skin around her arm bright red, with tears rolling down her face.

Tentatively, he sat down next to her, putting an arm over her shoulder. As he expected, she shrugged him off, stubbornly flicking him away as she sniffed, but Willam wasn’t going to give up so easy. He slid closer, fully encompassing Sharon’s hunched-up form in his arms. For a moment she struggled, and then resorted to sobbing into his chest.

“Hey, hey, hey,” He soothed, gently rubbing Sharon’s back. “Come on, breathe. This isn’t ideal, but you’re not the only one struggling here. I guess I didn’t handle this as well as I could have.”

Sharon sniffled but said nothing.

Willam sighed. “The thing is, I was trying to minimize the damage on either side. You’re my best friend – always have been, always will be. But Alaska and I are friends too, and she’s a really nice person, and I don’t want either of you getting hurt more than you have to.”

There was a muffled snort. “Like she’s hurting. She’s living her dream and I’m living my nightmare.”

Willam chose to ignore her. “Don’t you see, though? She is hurting. You’re hurting because you don’t want to marry her, you don’t want to conform to timer laws. She’s hurting because she’s spent her whole life dreaming of a perfect soulmate, and has just found out that hers plans to never, ever fall in love with her. It’s soul-crushing for both of you.”

Sharon lifted her head, and Willam started to wipe at the mascara tracks on her face with his thumb. “She – She’s a fucking marriage counsellor, Willam! What kind of misfortune is that?”

He winced. “Okay, not so good… but she’s not one of the worst. Alaska’s kind. She’ll never force you into a cookie-cutter life if that isn’t what you want. Trust me when I say this, she’s a good person.”

“You just don’t get it.” Sharon murmured, her voice low. “You and Courtney – you’re soulmates! I mean like, like real soulmates, similar-minded and meant to be. Alaska and I – not so much. She’s successful, I’m an intern. She’s a marriage counsellor, I’ve been arrested for protesting against these marriages. She’s pretty and has her life together, and…”

She trailed off, her voice shaky. “And I’m crying in the bathroom in the middle of an adult function because I can’t handle the idea of going from a ‘Miss’ to a ‘Mrs’. She… I don’t know, she has a car, she can drive, and nearly every bus driver in this town knows me by name!”

Willam pulled a face. “In all fairness, she’s not a great driver. She did hit you with her car.”

Sharon raised an eyebrow. “Thanks for the reminder, dipshit. A car crash joke, what’s next? 9/11?”

“With you, I wouldn’t be surprised.” Willam joked, his eyes twinkling.

Involuntarily, Sharon let out a short laugh. “Hey! My point is, we’re complete opposites.”

“Some people think opposites attract.”

Sharon sighed, leaning back against Willam. “Those people are wrong. It’s just… It’s not gonna work, Willam. Alaska –”

She didn���t get a chance to finish her sentence before the door to the bathroom opened, both Sharon and Willam turning simultaneously to see who had interrupted the conversation. Of course, it was just Sharon’s luck that it would be Alaska stood out in the hallway, waiting to speak.

“Hey, Willam, Courtney’s asked me to come get you because she’s pretty mad and oh… um. Sorry.”

Alaska’s words trailed off into an awkward apology as she took in the scene before her – a clearly upset Sharon, being somewhat comforted. Even just the sight of her made Sharon feel worse. Her expensive looking dress, which was a sweet shade of baby blue, stopped just above her knees, accentuating her bowed legs that Sharon hadn’t noticed before. Her jewellery was silver, flashing in the light of the bathroom. Much like everyone else at the gathering, she was dressed in a manner that suggested she had a lot more money than Sharon. Even if that wasn’t much of a feat.

“I can… I can come back…?” She tried, feeling as though she’d intruded.

Willam was quick to shoot her down. “No, no, you’re fine. I should probably go see Court downstairs, we’re finished talking anyway.”

Sharon, suddenly faced with the prospect of being alone with Alaska, of all people, in the bathroom, shot to her feet. She dusted herself off, suddenly self-conscious, and tugged the uncomfortably-low neckline of her dress up.

“M-Me too, I need to get a drink.” She fibbed, using the first lie that came to mind. Before Willam even had a chance to leave the room, Sharon was out of the door, wiping underneath her eyes as she prepared to go back to the party. At least that was one benefit she could count on – the alcohol. Courtney had provided plenty, pooling all the bottles she’d been given as gifts but hadn’t consumed, and every last drop was free.

Thankfully, most of the insufferable guests were crowded around the couches, standing and sitting and talking in what sounded like an unintelligible murmur. It was easy for Sharon to descend the carpeted stairs, her heels muffled by the chatter, and grab the closest glass of wine. Of course, she would’ve preferred something a little less… adult – a vodka and coke would go a long way – but she made do with the red wine, sipping gingerly and avoiding any curious stares.

“Sharon? Can… Can I talk to you?”

Alaska’s voice appeared before she did. Willam walked past Sharon on his way towards Courtney, shooting her a meaningful look. Rolling her eyes at him, Sharon faced Alaska with a sense of renewed stubbornness, finding solace in the wine glass as Alaska shifted nervously.

“No.”

She sighed. “Why not?”

Sharon drummed her nails on the glass. “I’m trying to drink some wine.”

The excuse was useless – a literal joke, only Alaska didn’t find it funny. “What about after you’ve finished your glass?”

“Then I’ll get another one.”

“So we’re just gonna not talk at all until our wedding day?”

Sharon scowled. “Don’t call it a wedding day. It’s a forced legal union, if anything. And yes. We’re not gonna talk. It’s gonna be great.”

Alaska’s eyes narrowed. At first, Sharon thought she was just trying to think of something to say, judging by her silence, but then she noticed how Alaska’s eyes were glistening more than before, filled with tears she was trying not to shed.

“God,” She almost-whispered. “You’re even worse than Willam made you sound.”

She turned on her heel as if to walk away, but Sharon caught hold of her arm before she could. “I couldn’t give less of a fuck about how Willam made me sound, or what your opinion of me is. You mean nothing to me! You’re nobody! I don’t even know you, so excuse me for not jumping at the chance to become best buddies before the day we have to get fucking married.”

Throughout her tirade, Sharon’s volume increased dramatically, her mind running away with her tongue faster than her brain could keep it. Everything she’d been thinking, everything she’d told Willam and everything she’d kept to herself, came rushing out.

“I’m out of here.”

The room had gone silent, several scandalized faces staring in Sharon’s direction. One woman looked utterly affronted, and another shook her head in sheer disbelief. Knowing that each one of the guests worked alongside Alaska, Sharon knew they were all staring at the stranger in the midst who had upset her.

“Oh, fuck off.” She swore at them all, storming through the room and flinging the front door open. “You can all fuck off to hell for all I care.”

Moments before the door slammed shut, Sharon heard three distinctively different voices yelling her name. Then she rounded the corner of her street, ordered a taxi she couldn’t afford, and closed her eyes.

-

Waking up alone was one of the few joys in life, Sharon thought. She had the whole bed to herself, to stretch out all of her muscles in whatever awkward, unflattering pose she desired. She could cuddle a pillow, stretch out, starfish, even end up hanging right off of the bed if she really wanted to. Every inch of the duvet was hers, and she didn’t have to compromise on a duvet cover when what she really wanted was the silly Halloween ghost bedspread that was currently keeping her warm.

Waking up alone just felt good. No one was beside her, stealing the covers, breathing out their foul morning breath, pressing cold feet against her legs or making those strange sleeping noises that send shivers down your spine. Sharon liked waking up alone. She wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Alaska probably didn’t like sleeping alone, Sharon mused. She’d probably want them to sleep in the same bed, like normal couples. Maybe she’d be a cuddler. If she was, Sharon would have to fight for a divorce immediately. It might require a few false claims, but anything was on the table if it meant making sure those cold skinny arms stayed firmly away from her.

Taking a minute to properly wake herself up, Sharon reached for her phone and idly began to scroll. One new like on Instagram, bringing her total to a depressing seven. Someone had commented on the Facebook post she’d been tagged in – probably Sasha talking about the cute animals in the video. And… a voicemail from Willam.

She winced as she listened.

“Thanks for ruining Court’s party, Sharon. I know you didn’t wanna come, and I know I begged you, but if you were so desperate to get out of here that you were willing to cause a scene, make Alaska cry and make almost all of the guests leave out of awkwardness, you may as well have stayed at home. That’s the last fucking time I invite you to anything with real adults attending. Alaska’s crying, Courtney’s crying, and I’m trying to clean up the party mess and your fucking mess at the same time. Get yourself together and grow the fuck up. The world isn’t gonna coddle you whether you like it or not.”

Sharon felt a wave of fresh anger wash over her. Fuck Willam. Fuck Courtney and her shitty parties. Fuck Alaska. Fuck the government. Fuck anyone and anything who wasn’t the bed she was currently tangled up in. No one else cared about her. Nothing else mattered.

Except maybe getting to her shitty job in time. Groaning, she forced herself out of the safe cocoon and hastily dragged her clothes off of the lazily-proclaimed ‘laundry chair’. She dressed quickly, deciding to forgo the heels and makeup even if it did mean she’d have to endure twice the amount of ridicule from her colleagues. At least, she reasoned, Sasha would be there, and she’d tell them to piss off if things got too much.

Sasha was pretty much the only positive thought in Sharon’s mind as she left her apartment. She seemed to be the only person left in Sharon’s life who didn’t hate her, and whilst she knew she’d eventually find a way to cock that friendship up too, she was grateful that Sasha remained.

It was Sasha who greeted Sharon that morning, taking no note of her lacklustre appearance as she cheerily handed her a steaming mug of coffee. Her smile was far too bright for any smile to be before noon, and Sharon eyed Sasha’s red lips with mounting suspicion.

“Alright, what gives?” Sharon flopped down into her seat, rolling the chair closer to the desk. “You’ve been grinning like a maniac for the entire walk into the building.”

Sasha tried to stifle her grin. “I have some brilliant news and with any luck, you’re gonna love me for it.”

Sharon’s eyes narrowed. “Lord, have mercy on me.”

“It’s good! I mean it, it is.” Sasha defended herself. “So, I have a meeting today and I’ve been told its pretty long, so one of my commissioned articles isn’t going to get written… unless someone else takes it.”

“Great.” Sharon joked stoically. “I’m sure Val-en-tina will love the extra work.”

Sasha sighed, still remaining as cheerful as before. “No! I pulled some strings up top and I secured it for you! This one’s all yours!”

“Sasha…” Sharon began, not sure where she was going with it.

If Sasha was telling the truth, it would be the first ‘proper’ article that Sharon had ever written. She was more than qualified to write – her degree and the crippling student loans proved that – but being stuck as an intern in a company that didn’t even seem to know they were employing her had kept her down. Sasha putting in a good word, and trusting her with a big piece, could secure her the higher-paying journalism job she’d been hoping for.

“I gotta head off; I emailed the file to you. It’s really up your alley, a couple of interviews over the phone and some facts that I know you’ve got stored in your head. You got this.”

Eager to start, Sharon flicked through her emails as soon as Sasha had walked off. As expected, there were no other requests for her to write anything, leaving her entire day free to work on whatever Sasha had left her. She clicked onto the email and read through it as fast as she could, her heart sinking. Of course, she knew it would be timer-related – almost every article nowadays was – but even so, this one would be killer.

Because of course, it just had to be a comparison between two different views of timer laws. It was a good topic, definitely. Lots of readers would be drawn in to that, meaning the pressure was on Sharon even more than before. Not only that, she’d have to listen in the most unbiased way she could to a view she passionately hated.

This was going to be fun.

Deciding to get the worst one out of the way first, Sharon dialled the first number on her screen – Sasha had helpfully noted two phone numbers down, presumably in her own research. One had a little tick above it, the other a cross, indicating the owner’s views towards the topic. She chose the tick, sighing.

“Hi, this is Colette from Visage’s Marriage Magic, how can I help you?”

Sharon grimaced. “Uh hi, this is The Looking Glass; we’re doing a piece on timer laws and wondered if you have a representative I can speak to for a short interview.”

Inadvertently, she pulled a face. It was rare that she had to use her ‘professional’ voice, what with being treated as an intern rather than a proper employee, and never tackling a big article, so it felt strange to sound so formal. She made a mental note not to swear, sigh or use sarcasm throughout the call.

“Of course! Let me see who’s free at the moment…”

The line went quiet as the peppy receptionist went off in search of someone. In a matter of minutes she came back, instructed Sharon to write down and ring the phone number she reeled off, and wished her a good day.

On the first ring, the representative picked up.

“The Looking Glass?”

Perhaps it was cliché for Sharon to say that her heart stopped, but in that moment, she was fully convinced that several seconds passed in which her heart refused to beat. Because, of course, in the haze of professionalism that she’d thrown herself into, Sharon had forgotten that Visage’s Marriage Magic was not only the workplace of Courtney, but Alaska too.

“Yes, that’s me. Would you be able to answer a few questions for me?”

There was a pause. “Sharon-“

“Would you be able to answer some questions?” Sharon interrupted, refusing to let the heavy tone in Alaska’s voice distract her. In that moment, she couldn’t have cared less that they didn’t get along. It wasn’t like she wanted to listen to her future wife’s views on the arrangement, but she wanted a chance to move up in her career.

“You don’t want to listen to my views. I’m not gonna hurt you with this.” Alaska responded, her voice catching.

Sharon bit her lip. “Y-You’re right. I don’t. But please, just do it.”

“I don’t wanna make you angry!” Alaska insisted. “I know that – I know that you don’t really like me – we don’t really get along – but I don’t wanna do this if I know it’s gonna make you uncomfortable.”

“Please.” Sharon begged, lowering her voice in case anyone around could hear and make fun of her. “I need you to do this. I don’t want to hear it at all, but this is my only chance of moving up in this job to an actual position where I can be independent and actually use my degree. I really need you to do this for me.”

It sounded like a desperate plea, but it worked.

“What do you want to know?”

-

Surprisingly, talking with Alaska was easy. Perhaps it was because it was over the phone – meaning neither of them had to look at each other – or perhaps it was because there was no alcohol involved, or simply because Sharon remained fully professional the entire time. Either way, it was nothing like the night before. As it happened, Sharon was much better at keeping her true feelings to herself when she was sober.

Better still, the second number that Sasha had listed was none other than Bianca Del Rio herself, which cut Sharon’s workload in half. She didn’t need to sit for an hour or two listening to Bianca explaining her views, having been campaigning alongside her for years. Instead, they caught up over the phone, Sharon relaying everything she’d found out over the past fortnight.

“So, that’s the tea with me. Recovering okay. What about you?”

Bianca’s voice was as grating and matter-of-fact as it always had been. “Same old, same old. You know, I was going to visit you but I got a little sidetracked organising the last few campaigns, so…”

“Without me?” Sharon butted in.

She wasn’t sure what surprised her the most – the fact that Bianca had been running protests without her, or the fact that it stung a little bit to hear.

Bianca’s response was instant. “I mean, if you were desperate to come you could’ve hopped your ass into a wheelchair and rolled along but I ain’t putting shit on hold because of some broken bones.”

“Right, right.” Sharon muttered distractedly. “Yeah, good. Keep the movement going and all that.”

She faltered. “I, um, I need to go and get this article done. I’ll talk to you later.”

Bianca said her goodbyes, but Sharon wasn’t even really listening.

Had she been put on the shelf? Bianca knew her timer had gone skewed, and had witnessed Sharon’s panic amongst the crowd as the seconds ticked away. She knew there’d been a car accident, which she’d acknowledged with a brief phone call once Sharon had settled at Willam’s. Despite their closeness not extending to the lengths most people would expect a friendship to, Sharon still considered them close. They would never be the kind of friends to go to each other’s homes and drink wine and gossip, but Bianca was almost like a mother to her. She knew all of Sharon’s worries, her hopes, her dreams, her fears. She’d been so young when Bianca had taken her under her wing and together they’d been planning campaigns ever since.

It was a strangely alienating feeling. Sure, Sharon knew no one would understand her exact way of thinking, but Bianca was one of the few who came closest. Sasha tried, but ultimately went home to a wife, a soulmate, that she adored. Willam had been perfect, his view aligning perfectly with Sharon’s, until his crush turned out to be his soulmate and it all disappeared. Bianca was harsher than Sharon, more dead-set in her ways than Sharon, but they still connected. It was a mutual feeling of ‘everyone else changed and left us’, and it was almost as if a silent pact had been made that they’d never change.

And now Bianca was just… moving on. Sharon’s first day back at work had deemed her fit enough to go to a protest, but she’d heard nothing about any and as a result, had been left out. It was stupid to be upset about, but Sharon found she tended to get upset about anything these days.

Trying to take her mind off the situation, she started typing out the transcripts from the interviews, getting the most tedious part out of the way first. Naturally, hearing everything again made her feel worse.

S: Tell me your name and occupation, please. A: I’m Alaska, and I work as a marriage therapist. S: So, how old were you when you found out about timers? A: I never had to be told, you know? I grew up in a household where it was just normal, all of the kids in the house knew that one day the numbers would get to zero and we’d fall in love with somebody. It was just normal. S: What’s your general view of timers? Love them or hate them? A: Obviously love. They’re all about love! I think that in the past, so many people have struggled with relationships that don’t work out, people who aren’t good for them, and there’s nothing more romantic than your first love being the person who is literally your soulmate. The best person for you. I love everything about them. S: What’s your biggest fear with timers? A: I don’t have one! A lot of people fear them because they’re afraid that they’re not gonna like their partner, or they won’t get on, but I work with these people daily. I see couples go from screaming at one another to happy families with children on a regular basis. I don’t fear timers at all because every problem I’ve encountered in my job has a solution. We’re all different, but we all love the same.

We’re all different, but we all love the same.

Sharon rolled her chair backwards away from her desk, sighing deeply as she did so. Alaska had the exact opposite view to each and every one of Sharon’s, right down to the smallest details. The idea of the two of them marrying seemed preposterous, growing more and more ridiculous with each passing day. Every interaction, even their one over the phone, had cemented in Sharon’s mind that this was a marriage doomed to end in disaster.

Which was exactly what she wanted.