#saw a 'mommy' related post which was just funny

[daisyofwaterdeep]

every nsfw confession blog always devolves into endless posts where it's just ppl being like "i wanna...have sex 😳with this character" like babe that aint a confession. yall need to get weirder with it pronto. use your imagination.

[merakiui]

OMGGG I DIDN'T KNOW YOU LIKED RIDDLE???

I just saw your ranking post and Mera, you have great taste it's literally *chef's kiss* but may I know why you love him?? I didn't really see you post anything about him so I was suprised (or maybe the Skully brainrot is just too strong which I totally relate to sjdbdjsj ^///^)

I ABSOLUTELY ADORE YOUR FICS PLEASE KEEP IT UP, WE LOVE YOU !! 💞💞💞

I LOVE RIDDLE!!!!!! He's my favorite (no one look at Rollo or Skully or the fish,,, they don't exist). (ꈍᴗꈍ)♡ I've written a few fics for him and there are plenty more in my drafts just waiting to be finished and published. He was the first twst character I loved (and still love of course hehe)!! >w<

I was very obsessed with Riddle in 2020 and now that I'm here in 2024 everything makes so much sense. T_T Riddle and I are very similar, so perhaps I like him so much because I can relate to him. It's scary how many things we have in common. ;;;;; even my lore aligns with his a little bit, but instead of mommy issues I was cursed to have daddy issues LOL. I'm really not sure which is worse, but either way I completely understand Riddle's struggles. OTL guy with mommy issues + girl with daddy issues...... Riddle, we could be an unstoppable pair. Please..... just one chance....... orz orz

I just really love Riddle's character and his development!!!! How stringent he is with himself and those around him in book one. How he gradually learns to have fun and be more gentle and lenient with himself and his dorm members after his overblot, learning to manage his anger and other negative feelings in healthy ways. How he only continues to develop and change and improve himself as time passes. His dedication and determination. How prideful he can be when it comes to academics. He knows he's amazing; he's not going to be humble if it comes up in conversation, and he has every right to brag and ignore modesty after what he went through to get there. 😌

I could ramble forever about why he's so wonderful. His design is lovely, his personality is great, his lore HURTS, HE'S RED!!!!!! MY FAVORITE COLOR!!!! THE COLOR I LOOK BEST IN. AAAAAAAA and those moments where he's genuinely gullible. He's so cute,,,, getting fooled by Trey's oyster sauce trick. But then he's always so curious and he loves learning and he's stubborn and won't give up once he sets his mind to something. AND HIS SMILE IS SO PRECIOUS. ALSO ALSO!!!! He's so witty and funny, especially when he doesn't even intend to be!!! There's really so much I can say about him!!!! Endless praise and affection!!!!!!!!! 💖 he's the best.

[flashfuture]

Since I've been on it I wanna talk about Hal's parents. Cause I've seen some dislike for Geoff Johns take on them. But they didn't really, Jessica especially, exist before then. I feel like some people read the comic where Hal in hysterical grief over Coast City made a construct of his parents and then went off to kill all the Lanterns and Guardians and said yep that is exactly how his parents were.

But let's get into it. Martin and Jessica Jordan. For further context, the sibling order is Jack, Hal, Jim Jordan. Three boys. And it was sort of implied for years that they were Jewish and got confirmed not too long ago that Jessica is Jewish and Martin is Catholic. Hal was a grown man in the 80s. His childhood took place in the 50/60s. And before that he was a grown man in the 60s meaning his childhood was the 40s/50s. That absolutely influenced the type of life he had. Vs the further in time we drag this out the less natural it becomes to have super strict parents.

So to begin the first physical appearance of Martin Jordan comes in 1989 in Green Lantern: Emerald Dawn #1. This is a post crisis pre zero hour story so any events in this particular time window are wildly subject to change

Martin is a test flight pilot. He's Hal's hero. His plane goes down. Hal watches. This sequence of events stays consistent across every time line including Flashpoint which is you know fascinating.

"Hal got fired today-- and he got his mom to call up and beg for him."

"Talk about my father again Biff and I'll rip your lungs out."

In this version of events, we get a mention of Jessica. She's not named and doesn't appear. So you can tell she was brought up purely for a 'Hal is so irresponsible he needs his mommy's help' bit. Hal and Jack get along though and are violently defensive of their father. Hal also catches a drunk driving charge after this.

Speaking of drunk I know there's a comic out there where Martin is described as a drunk which I could not for the life of me dig up again but that's mentioned all of once so I just ignore it. What's with making test pilots drunks???

Anyways Green Lantern: Emerald Dawn is definitely not my favorite Hal Jordan story and I'm glad it's been mostly retconned out minus the very beginning parts with Martin.

(Green Lantern vol 3 #36)

"So you're back to flying planes, huh?"

"Dad's blood still runs through my veins, I guess."

This Christmas special in 1993 took place before Coast City exploded. Hal took Carol out to Jack's house to spend the holiday with the Jordan family. Hal directly attributes flying to his dad's influence.

Now Green Lantern vol 3 #48. Hal is standing in the ruins of Coast City not a soul left and he conjures an image of his parents. Reminder they are entirely Hal's imagination and again he is just about hysterical right now.

"I looked up to you. I worshipped the ground you walked on, or flew over. I wanted to grow up and be you... which probably has a lot to do with who I am now. Growing up, though, I never felt like you... I don't know thought that much of me."

As we saw Hal's dad died when he was Maybe ten. His little brother and older brother didn't have real accomplishments in elementary school. Jack the DA and Jim helping the campaign and having a family that's all modern. Stuff Martin would have never known about. Martin the pilot getting on Hal's case for having his head in the clouds? Really seems like Hal is the one he could have related to the most. Martin getting on Hal about not saving the city just proves Hal is projecting his worries about disappointing his dad onto his dad and then because he's so hysterical with grief forces himself to rewatch his dad dying.

Absolutely completely irrational state of mind he's in right now. At the end of this issue, he's going to fly off into space to kill all the Lanterns and the Guardians.

And then he summons Jessica. Calling her mother instead of mom is just really funny to me like informal with his strict dad formal with his chill mom. Lmao? Jessica only speaks on Martin. Reminding Hal of the good times they had. She's Hal's memory which which means Hal heard the story of dressing up as Santa he remembers his dad's aftershave. Summoning your mom just to talk about your dad is crazy work btw

Again Hal was so young when his dad died. Not a teenager not even close. What was Martin disappointed about? Maybe Hal who can't keep a job a girl or half his friends (Barry died and all super friends ditched him basically) is projecting backwards into time. And assumes his Dad would be disappointed in him.

"Personal gain? This is about personal loss!"

Personal loss and Hal's spent most of his time summoning his long dead father. He really never got over Martin dying and that's so apparent. Anyways this is where Hal decides to go into space and kill everybody. Seeing his dad taken from him one more time made him snap.

Hal is enamored with his father. Whether their relationship was tough or easy it wasn't necessarily the point. The point is Hal Jordan loves his father to Oa and back more than the rest of his family probably understood. He didn't just want to impress his father he wants to be him.

And Zero Hour royally fucked up Hal's family but like idk let's just say Infinite Crisis fixed it. That's two reality shattering events. Why not give Hal a little treat of being his dad's favorite. No one seems to miss when Jack, Jim, and Hal all went to the same college and the same fraternity and were besties

[screampied]

i had an idea of a talk show between you and me, called “two horny bitches telling each other exactly” and i imagined you with fairy lights all over your body (vegas) and me with, hm, extremely amount of while liquid hiding my face. moving along.

hiii vegas. today i had a busy day, went to work, washed the kitchen because my dog killed a pigeon (he had a funeral, by the way) and i posted something on my profile. it’s been days since i did this, and i’m scared, but my friends here were hyping me up, cute. i really like them.

ok, so officially i am a squirtling!!!! for once in my life.

RIGHT? he always looked weird to me, i couldn’t see pass the gambling and parental issues, but when he came through megumi’s domain in shibuya i was hooked, i was bamboozled, there was nothing in this world that could stop me from the head i was trying to give that man. by the way, after our little chats about him, i got pretty inspired and added him on my work that i posted today. so it will be my little secret that for him to be there it was inspired by you.

no, vegas, the worm isn’t cute!! i could only relate and tolerate that when it called geto mommy. i hate worms and stuff, but i love snakes. small snakes, because if they are too big i’ll fucking die on the spot. i once held a corn snake, and it’s my dream to have once since then, her name would probably be seraphina. no names for males.

well, you can always experiment it. life kinda sucks when you wait for the right moment, you know? i would be your biggest supporter if you randomly decided to wear glittery suits and sing abba all day because that’s funny. you know i have so many regrets with that, waiting, i mean. i lost many chances, so don’t do that. dress how you want!!

do it again!! vegas saying “welcome to vegas” special tickets for your suite to dearest toji and his worm goes to the garbage, please. maybe toji wouldn’t get well in vegas…actually, thinking about it.

time does get by quick, but it’s really cute. one year and many more, please. and yes, i’ll try to put your print on the cake, i think i’ll be funny and cute.

ALSO, WHY VASELINE?

i would probably not bring anything because i am petrified of zombies, so i would just, you know, stop existing. specially tlof zombies, ain’t no way my messy ass is surviving the clickers. zombieland? maybe, because they can be slow, but on the second movie they’ve had a “glow up” (forgot the world) and i would, again, stop existing.

question for today is how many languages do you speak or would like to speak?

nut anon.

HEYYOU 🫵

bye this is so cute stop sign me up. hehe me with fairy lights kekw.

hiiiii lovieee. omg you have a dog? what breed? A PIGEON ????? i remember my dog caught a mouse it his mouth and tried to give it to me like it was a toy pls i screamed. i love dogs 🙂‍↕️. AWWW GOOD FOR U N UR FRIENDS. as you should !!!!!

real omg. tbh the broke jokes are getting old. they’ve been old, but it is kinda funny sometimes. i only call him broke sometimes bc im his wife (ahaha) but in my mind toji’s always rich with pockets swollen 🤗. RESAAALLY I INSPIRED YOU ???? ough ur edging me i wish i could read it but unfortunately i have to wait until oct. 1st to know who you are ….. which is in like ….. twenty days

stop wormyguro is adorable :((((. i wanna squish it so bad. i saw a plushie for the worm on amazon and im so tempted to by it bye. IT LOOKS SO SOFT. pls when it called geto mommy i cried 😭 geto’s face always kills me. SNAKESSSS I LOVE SNAKES. i used to have one named pork chop, he was a kingsnake ough i miss him. seraphina’s such a pretty name !!!!!!

LMAOOODONT TEMPT ME OMG. not the worm going to the garbage that’s so mean :((((. bye imagine toji in vegas that’s actually hilarious.

vaseline bc i don’t want chapped lips while im trying to survive ✋🏽 also vaseline can help with ermmmm wounds yes. gotta stay cute even while on the brink of death ya know

i speak four languages !!! 💓🙂‍↕️ lingala, french, papiamento and kiswahili—english too now, so i guess that would be fiveeee.

[tearsofperseides]

I'm making this because I want to post something, but also am in somewhat of a manic episode and this is how I cope so-

Explaining some of my kins

Emily Dickinson (Dickinson)

If anyone knows that "Is this fuckin play about us?!" audio from Tiktok, that's how I felt when I first saw this woman on my screen. Aside from having siblings, there is NOTHING that sets us apart. The inflection in her voice, how she interacts with people around her, her family's dynamic, her internal monologues, and how she copes with things. I have two tattoos dedicated to this show because the show resonated with me to such a high extreme.

Rebecca Bunch (Crazy Ex-Girlfriend)

Without going into too much detail. Let's just say that I've been season 1 Rebecca in the past. I watched the show back in 2019 and multiple times, at some almost comedic scenes I started crying because I resonated with Rebecca to such a high degree. I saw, not parts of myself, but my whole self in her. A little funny thing is one of my friends is named Patrick, so I often sing "(Tell Me I'm Okay) Patrick" when he's around. And of course, the quote: "It just, it just feels like everyone is in this cabal of normal people, and they're all laughing at me like I'm the jester in my own Truman Show. Patrick, tell me what the secret is."

Robin Buckley (Stranger Things)

A lil Robin! She's one of the reasons why I changed my name! I love the name, Robin, I always did! I mean there's not much to say about her in terms of kinning. A little ball of anxiety that seems intimidating at first (apparently a lot of my friends found me intimidating when they saw me), a little fun comedic character that actually borders on tragedy (if the show would be written well-). Autistic as well, but that's fanon.

Eleanor Shellstrop (The Good Place)

UMM HELLO??? HI?? ME??? Mommy issues, daddy issues. Just issues in general, deflecting with humor??? I actually started hyper-fixating on philosophy because of this show, my friends constantly keep saying I'd be the main character in a sitcom too (which... I am...). I mean just watch the show if you haven't, it's really good.

Edward Teach (Our Flag Means Death)

When I made my friend watch OFMD I asked him which character he thinks I kin and the second Blackbeard showed up he pointed to him and I asked why, his response was "What do you mean, why?! Look at him! ADHD off the charts! He's all over the place! He's fascinated by the simplest of things!", then later on as the show continued, when we got Ed's backstory, he once again said "I can't believe you asked me why when he has daddy issues." And of course, there's more to me relating to him outside of these little traits. Will I share anything else? No, fuck you (/j), it's personal!

Nadine Franklin (The Edge of Seventeen)

SHE IS ME, I AM HER!!! MY MOM EVEN LOOKS LIKE HER MOM!! SHEEEEEE-

This is all for now, some more Robin lore I guess hahaha-

I think this could be classified as a shit-post but honestly I don't know

[thebarbaricbeast]

astro notes mini cause im in the middle of a zoom meeting....part 3

Aries in a Virgo degree especially in the inner planets could get easily irritated or mad

mercury in Scorpio have long term memory mercury in Gemini have short term memory.....just an observation

aquarius placements are bad bitches they probably started planning their business at 12 years old. and they are so excited to move out of the house lol they just want their independence...

moon in the 3rd house culture is deciding to wake up because the any electronic is on, the smell of food, guests over, just stimulation. if there is no stimulation or uniqueness from the day before they probably wont get out of bed same with mars/moon in Gemini, Aquarius moon, mars/moon in Sagittarius and mars/moon in libra

Lilith is the moon's errors and inaccuracy in its orbit which creates this dark feminine energy opposite the moon which is the divine receptive and submissive feminine. Lilith rebels against being submissive and receptive and dependable. the moon's faults are very unpredictable and are not foreseeable or calculated by observers this is what make Lilith so unpredictable and hard to maintain. the moon and Lilith naturally makes a square but if the moon and Lilith are in signs that makes an easy aspect this will smoothen the square. if there is a square and opposition on top of that then it will create an arena where the devil and god are at war meaning the dark feminine is at war with the "angelic" and divine feminine. This becomes the most powerful aspect Lilith can have. im gonna stop there lol this post is getting too long.....

having libra placement with some impulsive placements is very hard to maintain. libra is naturally passive aggressive but a aspect like "moon aspect pluto or moon to the mars" can have outbursts of outrage that no one saw coming

woman with harsh venus-jupiter aspect can be extremely frugal with money or extremely careless meaning they could buy the whole mall lol

venus in Sagittarius usually listen to an extreme of something for example extreme rap or rock if aspecting the moon they could skip songs alot

saggittarians with alot of pluto aspects or scorpio placements could have a "dont fuck with my freedom" vibe

i think taurus are the best actors. they have the ability to fabricate intense energy to act or perform

Pluto in the 12th house people could impact people for generations its like all people who are born will have a fundamental understanding on this person..ex: marilyn monroe

Lilith Aries/Aquarius culture is wearing red to a funeral

vesta is another feminine asteroid i like to think of it as mars and venus together with some Neptune........its a feminine spiritual flame that allows your to acquire goals.she relates to spiritual practices,work and devotion

Vesta being involved with Pluto could be seen in witchcraft or could be this edgy type of feminine

Scorpio risings with Jupiter aspects could be very intimidating they usually have a long nose...

i see alot of taurus that are veryyyyyy edgy like emo clothing and black and red orrrr ......just very simple clothing lol

mercury in aspect to asteroid sappho is a person that is very very good with their words they can lure people in with just a breath from their lips

sappho in aspect to Lilith is more of a captivating sexual nature.very sexually creative and if in hard aspect it could create someone that is excessively self indulgent in expressing their sexually or has trouble expressing their sexual side or it can be using their attraction to absorb negative things they could use to manipulate people(the opposite sex) to get what they want

moon in hard aspect with the ascendant are incredibly good at lying

they say Capricorn,scorpio,leo, and aries are more favorable placements for the midheaven although it willl do well i think Aquarius,libra,pisces and saggitaurius are very great too. aquarius relates to Independence, ideas, communities, and humans this is very good for a person that makes huge impact on the world. libra relates to justice, peace, relationships, and love/romance. i have never seen a libra mc native who was not welll liked unless there are harsh aspects affecting it. these people can really be anyone they want to be ..as president they could restore justice and peace and they could be huge business owners since libra is a cardinal sign which are known as the executives. everybody is attracted to these people and ive seen it could succeed in doctors too. pisces mcs are just amazing they help so much and they help the underdogs they are what keeps our communities alive. Sagittarius are the best leaders preferably in the midheaven they can lead nations and teach and inspire tons of people. they strive for knowledge and expand horizons and lands. they could expand countries as leaders and they could restore education. virgos mc are one of my faves too they are opposite pisces mc who are more inclined in the arts. they see the more practical approach in helping people. no matter what they have in their birth charts this placement will compel them to serve the world.

fortune conjunct jupiter in the birth chart is very important. it is a strong indicator of some type of success in life but the person has to go through long journeys to arrive there and pick up great knowlege.

lilith square the ascendant people might have strange marks or scars on their body that they never knew were there from time to time

mars square the ascendant might have had an ingury to remember as a child Pluto conjunct the ascendant in Sagittarius too

moon in a fire sign really crave a partner that is patient, understanding and really good with money.

i think Lilith in libra is the most dangerous Lilith sign because they are frighteningly charming. what they tend to is make people fall in love with them then impose them in a very manipulative way to express their undying love for them.if they feel that the love is not enough they leave the person in search for another men/woman or continue to manipulate the person into doing so. they do this to make themselves feel better because of an experience they will face or have faced in their life they feel the need for a partner to love them and if they dont feel its enough they will leave...unless they actually like this person but it happens......very manipulative in relationships. this would probably be the most unbalanced libra placement.

moon harsh aspect juno either attracts very emotional partners or partners that are emotionally absent....might be on their phones during dates alot lol

pluto harsh aspect to juno attract partners that want to control them...very jealous and protective

scorpio in the 4th house people are veryyyyy protective and they might be parents who teach their kids "the hard way"...they might have seaky children and children who are distant or children that are very clingy ...they know everything their child is thinking at all times...

every water moon hated going to school as a child( like kindergarten or pre-k) cause they didn't want their mommy to leave..probably frequent calls because they wanted "mommy" to come pick them up or really hates leaving their mom and entering school alone.

pluto in the 5th house people probably lost their virginity at a young age or just done something.....not good as a child...like steal a car etc

venus in the 8th/scorpio might be tempted to be exotic dancers lol or leo/libra in the 8th

sun in the 8th house people have the potential to be really really funny and entertaining. they probably have so much to say and are born with a natural confidence...they give me like god(but underworld) vibes and they are not afraid to put someone in their place. they would probably be involved in drama or just not care at all. (in school)......they have anger issues lol

child i just have to say that Sagittarius guys can be jerks....but not all of them but most of them lol

if you ever meet a immature scorpio you should probably run they will ruin your life...veryyyyy manipulative and they can be liars...verrry jealous........"if i cant have you know one can vibe" in a relationship.

scorpio risings can do weird thing with their bodies like with their tongues or fingers etc

venus square the ascendant people probably have this one feature that they really hate on their body.....

moon in water signs people tend to lie alot when it comes to situations with emotional pressure especially if this is in a air degree.

ive noticed that alot of people are jealous of leo risings

jupiter in the 1st house people love attention. they shower in it and they can do reckless things in in the middle of the spotlight

people with moon in Sagittarius probably had a mother that let the dad take charge or gave the kid space to explore life. Sagittarius moons probably went through alot.

[nctsjiho]

Lost Boy

warnings: none

era: fall 2018

❀ JiHo and Winwin go on a little mission to find a lost child’s parents

“I don’t know who’s idea it was to leave an 18 year old and an awkward foreigner boy alone in a foreign country, but the idea doesn’t sound the brightest.” JiHo noted while she scanned her surroundings. Winwin took slight offence to the comment and pushed her arm. “Hey! I’m not awkward.” The girl only sent him a smirk before looking around again.

The pair were outside in a less busy area of LA, while their manager went inside a store to grab some essentials. Normally something like that wouldn’t be allowed by the company so the manager had made JiHo and Winwin promise they wouldn’t tell anyone about it. Of course JiHo took advantage of the situation by requesting the manager would buy them some snacks - which also wasn’t allowed during JiHo’s diet, but the manager had to choose between potentially loosing his job, or just getting told of for letting JiHo break her diet. The decision was easily made.

While Winwin and JiHo immersed themselves in a casual conversation, JiHo suddenly felt a tug at her jacket. A little shocked at the unexpected movement, the girl looked down to see a small boy looking up at her. He must have only been around 5 years old, which made JiHo confused about who would let such a young child alone. But by the looks of the boy’s wide and teary eyes, it was definitely a case of a lost child, probably scared out of his mind.

JiHo’s features immediately softened, not wanting her underlying panic and concern for the boy affect the kid. “Hey little guy, what are you doing here alone?” JiHo asked in English and crouched down so she was at eye level with him. The little boy, however, didn’t respond. His lips were slightly trembling and his tears pooled at the corner of his eyes.

Winwin, who felt as shocked to see the lost child, crouched down as well and when the boy faced him he waved. “Hello.” He greeted in Korean, which had JiHo roll her eyes. “You weirdo, he doesn’t understand Korean. We’re in America.” She scolded, hitting her friend’s arm lightly. “You don’t know that.” Winwin retaliated. 

Before JiHo could fire back, the “arguing” friends heard a little giggle from the young boy. They both looked at the boy with smiles growing on their faces. “We sound funny don’t we?” JiHo asked and the young boy nodded, causing JiHo to laugh. She quickly translated to Winwin who found it endearing as well.

“What’s your name?” “Jonas.” The boy started to feel shy and casted his gaze on the floor. “Hi Jonas.” Winwin’s sweet tone completely stole the young boy’s heart as he now confidently smiled at Winwin. “No matter where we are, no matter who it is, everyone always falls in love with you.” JiHo snickered to which the older boy shrugged and then continued to wave at Jonas.

“What happened Jonas? Where are your parents?” The boy looked up at JiHo before explaining that they were with him at the park nearby and then suddenly he couldn’t see them anymore. “Did you cross the street all by yourself?” Jonas nodded as his eyes began to fill with even more tears. “Hey, don’t cry. We’ll go find your parents, but you should never cross the street by yourself okay?” Again the boy nodded and JiHo stood up.

Not really understanding what JiHo had just said, Winwin followed her lead and stood up as well. “What are we doing?” Winwin asked and JiHo’s eyes fell on the store their manager walked into about 5 minutes ago. “We’re going to find Jonas’ parents.” She looked at the small boy who was holding onto her hand and looking around the street, hoping to find his parents.

Winwin felt a bit uneasy, even though he wanted to help the child, their manager had no idea what was happening and had “ordered” them to wait outside and not move until he was back. JiHo noticed her friend’s inner turmoil and groaned. “If I have to I’ll go alone, but I’m not letting a kid go and find his parents alone in the late afternoon.” “But can’t we wait till hyung is back and go together?” Winwin tried to compromise. “We don’t know how long he’s going to be in there, and I don’t know how long his parents have been looking for their son. They must feel devastated.”

JiHo noticed how cold Jonas’ hand was so she took her jacket of and wrapped it around the little boy’s shoulders. “I’ll carry you.” She crouched down and Jonas wrapped his tiny arms around JiHo’s neck as he let her pick him up. “I’m going to look for his parents. You’re free to come or stay here, but I’m going.” JiHo told Winwin and then left in the direction of the park.

Winwin did a double take of the store before running and catching up to JiHo and Jonas. “I’m not letting you go alone.” He mumbled, to which JiHo felt a smile creeping on her lips.

Once they enter the park, JiHo asks Jonas a few questions like, “Where was the last place you saw your parents?” and “Did you see in which direction they left?”. Jonas wasn’t much of a help since he didn’t remember much. Yet JiHo completely understood, the boy lost his parents, he must have been so scared and panicked.

5 minutes went by, but they felt like at least half an hour and still they hadn’t found Jonas’ parents. Noticing how the small boy started to become a bit more restless Winwin came up with an idea. “I’ll carry him and you can run around and ask people if you have seen his parents.” Winwin suggested to which JiHo agreed. She handed over Jonas to Winwin who tried his best to entertain the boy. His English skills were very minimal, but Jonas seemed to prefer him saying things in Korean anyway. Each time he did, it elicited a giggle or a smile.

All Winwin had to do was keep Jonas calm, so JiHo could run around and hopefully find Jonas’ parents as soon as possible. He hated the fact that JiHo was running around alone at 5 pm on a particularly cold day, in nothing but a t-shirt and jeans. Her jacket was still wrapped around Jonas, who seemed to appreciate the warmth it provided.

Winwin’s mind was clouded with so many thoughts, what if they didn’t find Jonas’ parents? What if something happened to JiHo? She was only 18 - technically speaking 17, her birthday was in a few months -  in a foreign country, with no supervision. Speaking of supervision, how was their manger going to react? Had he already left the store? Had he noticed him and JiHo weren’t there yet? How-

“Jonas!” “My baby!” Winwin’s head snapped to the direction of the screams. There he saw JiHo and two adults running towards them. “Mommy! Daddy!” The little boy screamed, happy to see his parents again. Quickly, Jonas was scooped out of Winwin’s grasp by the little boy’s father. “Thank you two so much! Oh my God, I was so scared!” The mother cried and pulled JiHo in a hug.

Once the mother stopped crying and had hugged her child, they turned to the two idols. “Thank you again! Thanks for taking care of my little boy.” The father said, trying to calm down his rapidly beating heart. “No worries, your son is such a nice boy.” JiHo explained while she got her jacket handed back. “How could I ever repay you?” JiHo held up her hands explaining that they were okay and didn’t need anything. “Did they take good care of you?” The father asked Jonas who then excitedly started telling about how nice JiHo was and how funny Winwin and JiHo talked to each other. It melted both their hearts and then they waved the family goodbye after getting a last hug from the boy.

“He was cute.” Winwin smiled to which JiHo agreed. She then poked his shoulder twice. “We should head back, oppa isn’t going to be happy-” “YOU TWO!” As if on cue, their manager appears, sweat was dripping of his temples as he approached them. “I told you to wait in front of the store! I could already see my career- no, my whole life flash in front of my eyes!” JiHo and Winwin look at their manager with a sheepish grin. “Why are you here?” Winwin then explained what happened and their manager’s gaze softened.

“Next time, don’t forget your phones in the hotel okay? I was worried sick, but thank God you’re both fine.” The manager patted both idols’ shoulders. “And you did something amazing. I’m happy you found that little boy’s parents. I think I almost can relate to his parents.” JiHo cooed at their manager and looked up at him with big eyes. “Aw~ You care about us like we’re your own children?” JiHo teased which caused Winwin to laugh. “Never mind. Maybe I shouldn’t have come to find you.” He groaned.

“Me?! Why are you looking at me only? What about Winwin?!” JiHo asked offended. “What do you mean, JiHo? Didn’t you say everyone always falls in love with me?” The boy wiggled his brow as he mocked the girl. She rolled her eyes while looking at the manager. “Yeah, I think I prefer Winwin right now. Here you go buddy.” He hands him the snacks he got for him earlier. “What about mine?” The manager laughed. “I stress binge ate your snack while I was looking for you guys.” JiHo stopped in her tracks, mouth fallen open while the other two continue to walk. “That’s so unfair.” JiHo mumbled but quickly rushed to catch up with the others.

“Be careful what you say oppa. I can tell SM about how you left us alone outside-” “Here!” He shoved a bag of snacks into JiHo’s hands which made her smile sweetly. “Have I ever told you, you are my favourite manager?” JiHo beamed while opening the snack. “Shut up and eat.” He grumbled.

---

Side Note: Long overdue Winwin writing, there’s still a few members that I haven’t written for, so I’m slowly getting there. The member’s I haven’t written for, funnily enough, are some of the ones that I want to write for the most, but I’m having a hard time finding the perfect stories for them. Just letting you know, so you know that I love them as much as the other members. I know Haechan and Doyoung appear on this blog the most, (and I might have another Doyoung angst in my drafts) but that isn’t because I like them more, I love all NCT members equally. <3

Also posting 2 days in a row because I felt inspired and I might have given up on an assignment for this

[jupitermelichios]

On a more possitive note, I’ve started watching Sword Art Online. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever seen (and the last film I saw in cinemas was Cats to give you context for the scale i’m working on here) and I kind of adore it in much the same way I love garbage like Smallville or Twilight. It’s so stupid on so many levels. You could challenge someone to write the worst anime, and it would almost certainly be better than SAO. It’s almost hypnotic how terrible it is.

No one should watch this terrible terrible show so I therefore don’t feel at all bad that I’m about the spoil absolutely everything, but honestly if you do also hate-watch this please come talk to me about how terrible it is. I don’t know anyone else who watches it.

Highlights of Season 1 include:

everyone is trapped in an MMO, and if you die in the MMO you die IRL. but if you were a beta-tester you’re probably fine because they just let them keep all their levels and items from the testing, so they’re all massively OP and everyone just accepts this as a normal and non-game-breaking thing

it’s a fantasy MMO but there’s no races, no magic system, no weapons except swords and maces, and not even an option to dual wield - literally all you can do in this fucking game is stand in front of an enemy and mash the attack button. I’m pretty sure they’re trapped there because the devs realised no one would play this post launch-day otherwise because it’s boring as shit

when the villain traps everyone he also just changs all their avatars to look like they do IRL for absolutely no reason, like actually none, he doesn’t even say he thinks it would be funny, he just does it and no one questions it and it is literally never mentioned again because this is the worst TV show ever animated.

in the second episode the main character deliberately witholds information about how to defeat a boss, indirectly causing multiple deaths. there is absolutely no reason for him to withhold it, he was just being a jerk because he doesn’t like people

in the third episode they reset his entire personality and he’s now a selfless hero pretending to be a lower level than he really is so people will find him more relateable and be his friend because all he wants is to help people. this is not a consequence of episode 2, they just decided they didnt like the character as he’d previously been written.

he makes some new friends who are all objectively terrible people who have decided for no season that the twelve year old who doesn’t really know how to play and keeps having anxiety attacks about the very real possibility of death has to be the guild tank. the MC is high enough level to be functionally immortal in like half the levels, but doesn’t tell anyone this he just lets them go on bullying this child

none of his friends survive that episode, in the game or IRL. which is also a christmas epsiode. a child dies in battle because she’s a terrible tank and then a man commits suicide out of guilt, so then the main character murders santa to try and bring them back from the actual dead but it doesn’t work because again, this is a video game and they are dead IRL, so then he walks off into the snow alone. Christmas!

we meet the best character in the entire show in episode 4, Rosalia, who has gone evil and started just straight murdering people because she’s sick of being an attractive adult woman who can’t get a date because she’s surrounded by lolicons who are only interested in the preteen characters (not a joke, that comes up, the show is firmly on the side of the lolicons)

in the same episode we get an extended bra and panty sequence staring an actual fucking child, like canonically this character is maybe 13 at best. this is one of only 2 occaisions when they feel the need to undress a character and it’s the fucking 12 year old, it’s so gross it reads like a parody of itself

literally every single named female character aged over 8 who talks to the MC falls in love with him after like 5 minutes (and in season 2 this includes his actual sister). he shows absolutely no interest in any of them (including his sister, thank god) until...

the main character gets engaged to a girl he only knows from an MMO after a virtual single date (he doesn’t actually win her in a PVP match but only because he looses the match, he 100% canonically tries to win her in a match, which she is apparently fine with). he then doesn’t bother to ask for her real name until the final episode, he just calls her by her screen name

(that’s okay though becuase it turns out that this moron of a love interest used her real name, on a local server, in a game where your character looks like you do IRL, because apparently getting doxxed is her hobby)

they then get in-game married off screen. there’s not even like a still of a wedding photo. nothing. the main character proposes and then the show immediately jumps to the honeymoon, it’s fucking bizarre.

they find a creepy child dressed all in white with no memory alone in the woods a week into their honeymoon who starts calling them mommy and daddy literally seconds after they first meet her, and they don’t suspect anything suss is going on and adopt her

for hilarity bear in mind the main character may only be 15 at this point (he says he’s only just turned 16 in the last epsiode, but his actual birthday is never mentioned), and his virtual wifu is 16, but no one ever questions the marriage or the adoption, even though ‘hey marriage in a video game is as important and meaningful as marriage in real life’ is an actual conversation people have multiple times. also they think the child they adopt is an actual IRL 8 year old who thinks these randos she met in an MMO are her mum and dad and everyone just goes with that like it’s a totally normal thing

a character called ‘Thinker’ agrees to meet an enemy faction leader for peace talks. the “peace talks” take place in a high level dungeon and he is told to come alone with no weapons and no fast travel. he does this. no one ever comments that his name is ironic, and in fact they seem to think that being betrayed and trapped in a dungeon with a boss is a totally unexpected turn of events Thinker could never have planned for

they take their new baby into the dungeon to rescue thinker, because they went to the jean grey school of baby rearing, and she imediately reveals that she’s actually a magical maggufin with infinite power, murders the grim reaper, and then dies. In literally the second episode she’s in

after she dies the MC hacks the admin account of the game, converts her corpse into an in game item, and saves to the local storage on his console, with the intention of bringing her back to life as a robot once they’re saved from the game. I’m not joking, that’s an actual thing that happens.

the fact that the main character can just access the main admin account and make massive game-breaking changes isn’t used again in that game and he never thinks to try and use it to force log people out or give himself infinite life so he can just rush the game and free everyone. nope, convert a corpse into an item and then never think about it again.

there’s an entire episode where all they do is go fishing. its the only filler episode in the season, and it immediately follows the death of a small child. it’s the most tone-deaf beach episode in writing history

it turns out this game, this game where they didn’t bother coding in any difference races, weapons, or any kind of magic system, was intended to have fully sentient AI therapists, because why the fuck not at this point honestly

oh also the game has PVP and you can trick the game into thinking a sleeping player is in PVP with you in order to actually murder a real person without it flagging in-game as a murder making the crime impossible for the real life legal system to investigate even though you just murdered a person. and they expect us to believe this game had actual beta testers. at least cyberpunk wasn’t played on microwaves you connected straight to your brain (also not a joke, the VR consoles canonically work by sending microwave radiation into your brain, no wonder VR never caught on)

the set up for the show is that they have to reach level 100 of a dungeon in order to win. At level 75, the writers got bored and the show just ends.

it turns out the power of love allows you to just break the fucking game and the main villain literally has a line about how ‘love allows you to remove debuffs, huh, we didn’t think to plan for that’ because again, there’s no metaphors in this show, everything is 100% literal including the fact that falling in love with another player means you’re immune to the paralysis status effect

power of love also allows you to very briefly become a poltergeist after being killed, but only for like 2 seconds. again not a joke or a metaphor, main character is killed but then gets to hang around as a ghost for a little bit to enable him to defeat the boss. he also doesn’t die in real life despite that being the entire fucking premise of the show, again because power of love.

the bad guy literally has no plan, he’s just doing shit for the sake of having something to do. His actions directly cause the deaths of more than 4,000 people, and it’s not even in aid of anything. they ask him why he trapped 10,000 people in an MMO and allowed them to slowly die, and he’s just like ‘huh, i forgot i did that, random’ and then just fucking peaces out

the fact that he committed one of the largest mass killings outside of war never really comes up again, as far as we know he doesn’t even go to jail. i think the show actually kind of thinks he’s a good guy, which is a fucking WILD moral stance to take on the deaths of 4000 completely innocent people for absolutely no reason

If this sounds hilari-bad but you don’t want to invest the time to watch a show which is objectively garbage, it has an abridged series which is famously better than the show it’s parodying (i’m dead serious, people have character arcs, the getting married after one date thing is properly addressed, the mc has to deal with PTSD because of all his friends dying in epsidode 3, they don’t immediately follow the death of a child with an extended fishing montage, the villain has an actual plan). It’s mostly actually pretty good, but this is the internet and it’s an abridged series, so while there are a lot fewer yikes moments than most it still has enough that I’m not comfortable recommending it without the caveat. that said I still enjoyed it a lot, although possibly not at much as pointing and laughing at the garbage that is the actual show.

[petersasteria]

Which Kid’s Yours? - Harry Holland

Pairing: Harry x Actress!Holland Requested? Nah. 1.4k words

Aged up bc why not

* * * *

“Please welcome, Y/N Holland!” Jimmy Kimmel smiled as he introduced you. You waved at the audience as you walked in with a bright smile on your face. You gave Jimmy a quick hug before sitting down.

“I’m so glad that you’re here!” Jimmy said.

“Thank you so much for having me, Jimmy! I’m genuinely glad to be here.” You said happily.

“Before we start anything, I just want to congratulate you on your new movie with Tom Holland!” Jimmy said as he showed the picture of the movie’s poster to the audience. The audience clapped and cheered as you smiled and thanked them. “How was the experience?” Jimmy asked, putting the picture away.

“Um, it was a really fun experience! As some people may know, this isn’t my first movie with Tom. This is actually my fifth movie with him and I just really really love working with him. He’s so kind and funny and I just admire how he works.” You answered truthfully.

“That’s great!” Jimmy nodded. “So, your last name is also Holland.”

You chuckled and nodded, “Yes.”

“I know you have an explanation for that.” Jimmy laughed. “But how do you and Tom react to people who think that you guys are siblings or married?”

“We laugh it off.” You said. “Sometimes, we call each other different pet names just to annoy each other. Yes, we have a good relationship, but it’s a different kind of relationship.”

“Now, I obviously know the explanation. But can you explain it to the people who don’t know your actual relation to Tom Holland?” Jimmy asked.

“I would GLADLY explain.” You said playfully causing everyone to laugh. “I don’t know why not many people know this even though I posted about it years ago, but I’m married to Harry, Tom’s brother. So, Tom Holland is actually my brother-in-law. We met a few years ago when I got casted for a movie that he was in and I was casted as his love interest. We instantly clicked and became best friends and he introduced me to his family.”

“Then, I got to know Harry because we have the same interests and y’know… the rest is history.” You giggled. “Harry and I have been married since we were 26 years old and we now have three amazing kids.”

“That’s great! Good for you, guys. Can you tell us more about your kids? How are they?” Jimmy asked.

“They’re good!” You smiled sweetly.

“That’s good. All your kids are boys?”

“Yes and they’re difficult to handle, but Harry and I are able to push through.”

“How old are your kids?”

“I had kids every two years. We planned them, so my eldest is 10, the next one is 8, and the youngest is 6. Their names are Lucas, Alex, and Kyle.” You gushed.

Jimmy showed your family picture and your face instantly lit up when you saw it. You loved your little family so much.

“There they are!” You smiled.

“Who’s the eldest?” Jimmy asked as he looked at the picture.

“The one on the right next to Harry is the eldest, Alex. Harry and I love Hamilton, so we kinda named him after Alexander Hamilton.”

“So his name is Alexander Holland?” Jimmy laughed and you nodded, “Yeah! Alex for short.”

“The next one is Lucas. He’s the one on the left next to me.” You pointed. The youngest is Kyle and he’s the one I’m carrying.”

“They’re all really adorable!” Jimmy complimented.

“Thank you!” You grinned.

“Someone told me that your kids are here. Is that true?”

“Yup. They’re hanging out backstage with Harry. Tom’s here as well. It’s his day off and he just loves the kids. He’s such a good uncle. The kids absolutely adore him.” You answered.

“Okay, so we’re gonna play a game and it involves your kids.” Jimmy started.

“Oh, god. Okay. What’re we playing?” You said nervously. “I’m kinda scared.”

“Nothing harmful.” Jimmy laughed. “So, you have three kids, right?”

“Right.”

“We’re gonna bring out six kids here and you have to guess which kid is yours while wearing a blindfold. You have to guess who your kid is just by touching their face.” Jimmy said, chuckling as he handed you the blindfold.

“Oh my god.” You said as you took the blindfold from him. “This is not what I thought I’d be doing on a Thursday.” The audience laughed as you put the blindfold on and the blindfold had a really thick cloth and you couldn’t completely see.

The six kids walked in and Jimmy said, “All six kids are wearing special shirts, so the audience would know which kid is yours and which kid isn’t. The ones in green are your kids and the ones in red aren’t yours.”

“What even is this game, Jimmy?!” You shrieked and laughed.

“We’re testing your maternal instinct.” Jimmy said. “Remember, you can only touch their face. I’ll guide your hand.”

The first kid was wearing red and he walked up in front of you and you were nervous. Jimmy guided your hand on the kid’s face. You began feeling the kid’s nose, cheeks, and mouth.

“Can I touch their hair?” You asked.

“Sure! All of them have similar hair, so good luck on guessing.” Jimmy laughed.

You touched the kid’s hair and said, “Nope. This isn’t mine.”

Jimmy said, “Sure?”

“Definitely.” You nodded and the kid walked to the back of the line.

“Okay, next kid!” Jimmy said as Alex stood in front of you. Jimmy guided your hands on the kid’s face and you immediately said, “This is my son! I know it for sure!”

Jimmy gestured to Alex to stand next to his desk as he guided your hands on the next kid’s face. He was wearing red and your shaking hands felt his face and hair.

“I think this one’s mine.” You said causing Alex’s jaw to drop and he covered his mouth. Jimmy laughed and told the kid to stand next to Alex.

Unbeknownst to you, Harry and Tom were watching in the audience right after you got blindfolded. Harry and Tom were laughing quietly as you continued the guessing game.

Lucas stood in front of you and you felt his hair and face. You took a while before deciding, “He’s not mine.”

Lucas face palmed and walked to the back of the line next to the other kid. Harry wanted to melt then and there. Tom couldn’t breathe as he kept laughing.

A kid in red stood in front of you and you felt his hair and face. You immediately said, “This is Kyle! I can also smell, like, a scent that smells like Kyle. So, this is definitely Kyle. The next kid for sure isn’t mine and can I take off my blindfold now?”

The kid in red walked to where Alex is and Jimmy couldn’t even talk because he just kept laughing. “Jimmy, stop laughing!” You chuckled. “Can I take off my blindfold now?”

“Yeah, take it off! You’d be surprised. The ones next to the desk were the kids you guessed as your kids and the ones on the other side are the ones you guessed that aren’t your kids.”

“Oh, god.” You said before taking your blindfold off. As soon as you took your blindfold off, you immediately turned to the kids next to Jimmy’s desk and gasped when you saw only Alex standing there with two other kids who are definitely NOT yours.

“OH MY GOD!!” You shrieked and quickly turned to the other side and saw Lucas and Kyle with one kid wearing red. You stood up and walked to Lucas and Kyle and gave them a big hug.

“Mommy loves you! I’m so sorry!!” You said as you pouted.

“Tom and Harry are actually in the audience and they saw the whole thing.” Jimmy said as he pointed out where your husband and brother-in-law were sitting. You pulled away from the hug and you turned to where Jimmy was pointing and you laughed when you saw Harry and Tom. Harry was shaking his head in shock and Tom was visibly red from laughing the whole time.

Jimmy invited Harry and Tom on stage and you hugged Harry. “I’m so sorry! Please don’t leave me.” You laughed causing him to laugh too.

“I’m not sure if we can go on, Y/N. You don’t know who our kids are.” Harry joked as he carried Kyle.

“I’m so sorry!” You pouted and said, “Is there anything I can do to make up for it?”

“Add in another baby!” Tom playfully suggested.

“That would totally ruin the two years apart thing that these kids have going on.” You said and Harry nodded.

“I was kidding! Relax.” Tom playfully rolled his eyes.

“Well, you guys can figure that out.” Jimmy laughed. “We’ll be right back for more time with Y/N after the break!”

* * * *

𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @sufwubi @abrielleholland @purplepizza-summerrain @euphorichxlland @marshxx @lizzyosterfield​ @justanamesstuff​ @croissantwriting​ @blueleatherbag​

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @marvelousell @justasmisunderstoodasloki @rubberducky-jrr @allyz @osterfieldnholland @miraclesoflove @god-knows-what-am-i-doing @drie-the-derp @hollands-weasley @itstaskeen @call-me-baby-gir1 @the-panwitch @iamaunicorn4704 @geminiparkers @holland-styles @calltothewild��@fancyxparker @herbatkazmiloscia @whatthefuckimbisexual @justanothermarvelmaniac @unsaidholland @musicalkeys @lost-in-the-stars03 @hufflepuffprincess24 @hollanddolanfangirl @parkerpeter24 @bellelittleoff @agentnataliahofferson @aqiise @lexirv @blairscott @hi-im-maddie @xfirstfemale-marauderx @u-rrose

[mothernaturesdaughter]

2, 12, 21 for the controversial ask thing ;)

(ooh thank you anon)

2. Unpopular Paul opinion

When I was a kid, I thought he was super ugly and never understood how he could be considered "the cute one", does that count? Also, I hate his old man voice and old man face, I'm sorry I know that's unfair but I just do.

(fyi i thought ringo was OBVIOUSLY the cutest one, i was like 7)

12. What do you think of Yoko’s art?

I'm going to put the rest of this post behind a cut because I have A LOT of thoughts on Yoko's art. I was an art school kid, so... uh, I'm sorry?

I really like Yoko's art. I listened to her solo stuff before I listened to John's, and her solo stuff is really cool particularly if you like early EDM. I love her album "Yes, I'm a witch", like, what an amazing title. Yoko being a troll and fully embodying her villain reputation is my favorite Yoko. Her voice is weird, yes, but it's part of her charm, and by that album she's fully in her "idgaf what you think" phase, so i highly recommend it.

(brief aside: yoko is a funny bitch??? and no one ever talks about it and i'm just like.... john lennon married her??? you know, famously funny sarcastic bastard john lennon?? people think she's 100% serious all the time when yoko is a huge troll)

With her performance/conceptual art, I've had a harder time. Some of it is because of my own taste: Yoko's art frequently tackles simple concepts (war, love, repeat, etc) in what can feel like trite childish ways. Yknow, it's a lot of stuff like writing "Give Peace a Chance" on a wall, or this Mommy piece, or writing "Peace" and "Dream" all over New York... Even the first piece John saw of hers, the Ceiling Painting/Yes painting, is so.... cutesy. I can totally see how it appealed to John though, it's very Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

It's interesting to try and pinpoint where my own discomfort with her art comes from, because I think it's related to how hermetic Yoko is as an artist and as a person. Her art never feels personal, you never really get a sense of why she cares about these topics and what she has to say about them beyond the obvious.

But who am I to demand access to the true feelings of Yoko Ono? I think that's what makes Yoko so infuriating to people: she refuses to perform interiority for us. She refuses to show her pain through her art, to share her inner feelings (especially her grief) and being refused this access, we interpret her in the least charitable way possible. I think Yoko's feminism is very much of the "women don't owe you anything, and me in particular, I owe you less than nothing and certainly not an explanation" variety. She's not interested in being liked, and not even in being understood. I think for Ono, control is power.

That's why I think her feminist art is so much more interesting than the anti-war stuff. It's easy to forget how fundamental Yoko's work was to early 1960s and 70s feminism. In a way, I think her relationship with John was detrimental to the way we view her legacy. I'll be honest, up until I started writing this ask, I thought Cut Piece (her performance art piece from 1964 where she allowed people to cut her clothes off her) was derivative of Marina Abramović's Rythm 0, but Marina's actually happened almost a decade after Cut Piece, and Yoko's influence on it is undeniable.

This kind of misremembering for me is a symptom of how little due Yoko gets even in the art scene, and it's definitely because of her relationship with John. In a way, I think her career would've been better off without him, which is funny.

(note that i say career as in "artistic appreciation of her work", not money or even fame wise, calm down)

In regards to John-and-Yoko, I think actually they both made each other kind of worse?? at art?? In a way, that makes them so fucking interesting to me. Their vibes are so badly matched, even musically, that it's hard to understand how John could feel so strongly about this partnership. It always feels like John is a rock and roll guy to his core, while Yoko is more interested in dance music and noise. I admit I've listened to "Double Fantasy" and thought "Ugh I wish Yoko was a better singer" because the dissonance is... a lot. But actually, if you imagine an alternative universe where Yoko got together with someone like idk, Bowie, I think her music in that album could've sounded way better.

tldr; yoko's art is good, but john and yoko are one of those artistic partnerships where everyone is worse

21. Was George closer to John than Paul in the ±18 months after the first acid trip?

Nah 😂In my experience, profound revelations under psychedelics last about 48 hours.

[reelperspective]

I’m generally not the type to mourn celebrity deaths. It’s usually beyond me to truly mourn the passing of someone who is so completely removed from my life. I tend to reserve grief for personal losses. I would say that is still true - I don’t know if you could call what I’m feeling grief, but it’s definitely something akin to it.

When I heard that Naya Rivera had passed away in a drowning accident, I thought “my god that sucks. That glee cast is cursed or something.” Then I moved on with my life, as one does. I felt it in the moment because Santana was my favorite character (well her and Brittany), but I didn’t dwell on it. I hadn’t seen the show in years, so I felt removed from it.

Months later, I go down a YouTube recommended video rabbit hole and end up watching the Glee version of Fleetwood Mac’s Landslide. I’d always loved that cover of the song. From the moment I first heard it, I thought it was beautifully arranged and flawlessly executed, but I digress. The point is, after watching it, I started watching other Glee videos (again, recommended videos). At a certain point I thought, “fuck it, I haven’t seen this show in years. Maybe it’s time for a re-watch.” So, I started to binge watch it. It is just as hilarious and awesome as the first time. And again, just as the first time, Santana proved to be my favorite character.

I think that Santana was the most emotionally complex character on that show. I think she had a great arc as a character that started off not being very sympathetic at all, to becoming a character that people could really relate to and root for. She had a fascinating duality to her as the bully who sometimes had a heart. Her love for Brittany added a significant layer to her character - displaying a side of her that had previously been unseen. A side reserved only for Brittany- the exception to her rule. Which is remarkable because, being that she was an idiot, Brittany should have been an easy target for Santana’s ridicule. Later, Santana reveals in a rant against Rory the Irishman, that she believes Brittany to be beautiful, innocent, and “everything good in this miserable, stinking world.” This revelation spoke to the heart of the character because it showed that despite her blatantly “Evil” characteristics, what Santana truly values most is goodness and purity of spirit. Brittany was the only person Santana never insulted. You could say that this is because she loved Brittany. That’s a factor, for sure, but I think the main reason is that even she couldn’t tear down someone so innocent. This, and other instances of vulnerability, developed Santana into a more three dimensional character - someone real, rather than just the caricature of a mean girl.

Yes, it’s true that the writers can be credited for this nuance in her character, but I believe it can be argued that Naya highlighted these nuances flawlessly. She did a beautiful job of portraying Santana’s *reluctant* displays of humanity. Not to mention how fucking talented she was when it came to the singing and the dancing. Vocally she’s top three along with Amber Riley and Lea Michele - and she’s a better dancer than either of them.

I noticed all of these things during this recent re-watch of mine. I’d always enjoyed Santana’s viscious barbs and her scathing wit, but this time I gained a deeper appreciation of the character as well.

Why am I talking about the character when this post started off being about grief? Well, watching the show again really drove home what a goddamn tragedy it is for the world to lose someone so talented and hilarious. This feeling drove me to look into Naya as a person. I listened to her audio book, and I read what people have said about her, and the general consensus is that she was an all-around amazing individual. She was Kind but sassy, tough yet compassionate, funny and intelligent. I then watched some of her interviews, and her personality was positively magnetic. She always lead with a blunt honesty that she delivered with this matter-of-fact attitude and wry wit. She owned up to things that most people in her position would hide. Despite the bluntness, she never seemed tacky or crass. Then to add to these revelations is the observation that she so clearly loved her little son with a tremendous passion. I’m sure all celebrities love their children more than life itself, but most don’t speak out about it specifically or so frequently. Naya, on many occasions, spoke of her passion for motherhood, and how much it meant to her to be Josey’s mom. With all of the things she has accomplished, she credited her son as her greatest success. Topics that get repeated across many conversations tend to be subjects that the speaker is fairly obsessed with. It is clear that her son was her whole world. He was not only her responsibility and her greatest love, but also her greatest source of joy. I’m not surprised that she somehow found a way to save him even though she couldn’t save herself.

Which leads to the final straw on the camel’s back - the manner in which she died. As was mentioned previously, she saved her son - which kicks you right in the feels. He had to witness some of her final moments - kick #2. Then there’s the tragedy of the circumstances of the death itself. Drowning is a horrific way to die. She must have been so terrified in her final moments. To add to this is the fact that had any of a number of events transpired differently, she’d still be with us today. Had she not gone to the lake that day. Had she gone with at least one other adult. Had she not jumped out of the boat. Had she worn a life vest. Had the boat had an anchor and a ladder attached to It’s side.

Then I’m confused about how this all went down. Apparently, she was sucked under the water by a current - I guess the equivalent of an undertow - but I thought undertows only happened in the ocean! Considering that this is a lake - a man made one at that- and not a river or an ocean, where the fuck did this incredibly strong underwater current come from? A lake is pretty much stagnant water, is it not? I looked at a map of it, and from what I can tell, there are no rivers feeding into this lake. So, I’m confused and this death is not only tragic, but senseless.

It’s just so fucking sad - every which way you look at it. I feel it in my very soul, and as I said before, I never feel celebrity deaths like this. I can’t stop thinking about her poor child having to grow up without his mommy. I lost someone as a child, and it left an enormous hole in my heart. I remember feeling so profoundly and absolutely destroyed. There are no words to describe the depths of my despair, and I can’t help but think that Josey is feeling that now. Though I was older than he is - I don’t know how much his young mind can make sense of or process the reality of his mother’s death. I know for sure that he is feeling it - he will miss her forever. Ryan Dorsey, his father, released a statement in which he said that he had to explain to his son that his mother was in heaven, and Josey asked him how he could go there too so that he could be with her. That just breaks my heart - I know exactly how he feels. I can’t stop thinking about Naya’s mother and how she collapsed on the dock at Lake Piru and threw her hands out in a display of pure, all-consuming grief. As I’ve said, I’ve felt grief like that before. I’ve collapsed to my knees under the weight of it. So, I feel for her family and her friends. I saw an interview in which the actress who played Santana’s abuela says that Heather Morris was so distraught, she wanted to jump into the lake to search for Naya herself.

I also feel a keen sense of loss for all of the wonderful things she will never do, all of the hilarious things she had yet to say, and all of the characters she might have been destined to bring to life with a singular authenticity. Lastly, and least importantly, I feel this keenly because she and I are the same age. The reality of such a thing just slaps one in the face.

That being said, I keep having these moments of cognitive dissonance as I’m watching the show. I feel her loss so much, yet it seems like she’s not dead. She can’t be! Look at her. Look at how full of life she is. She’s so young. That can’t be the reality - but alas, it is. I keep remembering that it is, and the cycle of emotion starts up all over again.

I know that part of the reason for my deep feelings about this tragedy has to do with my own experience with loss. I’ve lost so many people in my lifetime - some of which, I’ve loved more than life itself. At least one of which, I had wanted to follow into the grave because I could not fathom my life without her in it - it just hurt too much.

So I lay this all out here on tumblr. It is very likely that no one will ever read it, and that’s okay. I just needed to express it anyway as it has been building up inside of me.

[allisondraste]

on writing kiddos

Hi, hello there, it’s me again back with the first bit of meta in a really long time. I’ve been incredibly distracted with school as well as my longfic, which was actually the inspiration for this post.  Just to provide some context, I write a story that spans the lives of my two protagonists from the time they are young children, all the way to their mid twenties, highlighting pivotal moments in their childhood that have had some lasting impact on their present day selves, and as such, I have spent quite a lot of time writing from the perspective of precocious kids and moody teens.  

Fortunately, I love kids, and I’ve had years of experience in both being a big sister and working professionally with kids as both a childcare worker and a therapist.  I’ve gotten to spend a lot of time around kiddos and learn the inner workings of their amazing, rapidly developing brains, and so I’m here to share some of the things I’ve learned AND how it can be applied in a writing situation.  I know that lots of people have apprehensions when writing kids, and so I hope that my anecdotal tips will be helpful to someone out there.

I’ll drop the rest behind a handy dandy read more to spare your all’s feeds. ;D

Age and Cognitive Development

When we write adult characters, part of getting their characterization pinned down is understanding how they think, and the same thing applies to kiddos! Cognitive and socio-emotional development are long-researched topics, so there are a multitude of varying theories, and it can be quite complex to break down into neat categories that apply to all kids.  In fact, all kids develop at different rates, despite following the same general trajectory.

Generally speaking, children start out understanding the world primarily through their senses, reflexes, and movements (interactions with the environment), and end with a fairly complex system of abstraction and understanding of hypotheticals.  (Note that these development ranges are based upon those who are neurotypical and neurodiverse characters would not necessarily have the same markers, so if anyone has any specific tips for writing neurodiverse kids and would like to chime in, please feel free to do so!)

0-2 years - highly sensory/motor based, lots of reflexes; learn the difference between self and environment and differences between objects.  Emotions develop more rapidly, beginning with anger, disgust, fear, surprise, happiness, and gradually developing more and more complicated feelings.  Even at 2 years old, they are likely to not have a solid grasp on labeling the ways they are feeling, and things are mostly behavioral and reflexive. 

2-7 years - children begin to understand symbols and develop language, beginning with the basics and progressing to fairly complex thoughts.  Children between these ages think in a very concrete fashion and are highly reliant upon objects, but they do begin to pretend and roleplay. Children around these ages are egocentric and usually struggle to take the perspective of others. However, they begin to develop the ability to identify and express their feelings and thoughts simply, but struggle to understand the thoughts and feelings of others. 

Mommy had a scrunched up face when she looked a the mess in the house. Billy didn’t really know why her face did that sometimes. (approx 4ish)

7 - 11(ish) - Development of perspective-taking and concrete problem-solving. Thoughts gradually become more complex and holistic, though children at this stage of development take things literally, and at face-value. They typically can understand their own feelings and infer the feelings of others from facial expressions, body language, etc., although they may be inaccurate in their assumptions. 

Mommy’s face scrunched up when she looked at the mess Billy made in the floor.  It was the same face she made when Daddy didn’t take his shoes off before stepping on the carpet.  It usually meant mommy was annoyed  (Approx. 7-8)

Mom’s face wrinkled when she looked at the mess Billy had left in the floor.  He began to pick his things up so she wouldn’t fuss at him. (Approx 10 or 11)

11+ - The ability to think in the abstract and understand hypotheticals begins to develop around age 11, however, it’s different for everyone.  Children and teens usually start to have rather complex thoughts and make inferences based on subtle cues.  They’re able to manipulate information mentally and come to develop their own opinions and conclusions. 

Billy’s mother wasn’t even home yet, and he could already see the look on her face she would have when she saw the mess on the floor.  He hurredly began to scrub the stain from the rug.  He was going to be in so much trouble. He knew it.  

Teenagerdom - Most teens have all the complex thoughts and emotions that adults have, but often have less experience and/or ability to cope with and regulate those thoughts and feelings. Many teens are stuck in this place of being expected to behave in an adult way, while still being treated as a child.  It’s a rough time.  Not to mention, teenagers experience a re-emergence of  egocentrism that takes the form of “Everyone is watching and judging me all the time,” and also “Nobody has ever experienced what I am experiencing and if they have experienced it, then they haven’t experienced it to this degree.”  That all settles down with cognitive maturation and experiences; however, the experiences of teenagers often extend well into the 20s. 

Examining the mess on the floor, Billy knew that his mother was going to kill him.  Murder.  She’d chew him up and spit him back out, never to see the light of day again.  It was the end.  Unless of course he could scrub the stubborn stain from the rug.  This had to be the worst thing that could have possibly happened. 

Personal Experience and Intelligence

As I mentioned above, those age ranges are broad, general “this is sort of what should be happening when,” but they’re more guidelines rather than hard and fast rules.  When writing children, it is helpful to consider the personal experiences a child has had in their lives up to that point as well as their intelligence.  Those are not the measure of a person (even a little one), but they make a huge difference in the rate at which a child matures and interacts with the world.  Generally kids who have more difficult upbringings and those who end up parenting themselves and/or caring for siblings, often seem older than they really are, particularly in regard to their behavior. 

Just to provide some examples for reference, the children that I write in my story are mostly nobles who have relatively comfortable, safe, and happy childhoods.  My Cousland, Liss, is generally a carefree, impulsive, emotional, messy, privileged child, and so I modeled her development more closely in line with the “guidelines.”  Nathaniel is also a noble, but he’s more thoughtful, and has kind of been placed into a parental role in that his dad is emotionally abusive at the very least, and after his mother dies, he is the rock that his siblings stand on, and at that point in time, he is only 10.  He has to grow up a lot faster than he may have had to otherwise. As a very strong counterpoint, there are other characters who do not have any environmental privileges during their childhood.  A very good portrayal of this sort of thing is this comparison of Isabela and Hawke’s respective upbringings.

Both intelligence and life experiences can lead to a quicker rate of cognitive development and maturation in some cases, that does not mean that they are “grown up” or in anyway done developing.  Even the brightest kids, even the kids who have faced unbelievable adversity are still kids and they often still experience impulsivity, emotion dysregulation, and other things that one might not see in adults with the same experiences.  Furthermore, some kids may not even experience advanced development, instead regressing from the lack of social support and modeling from attachment figures. 

Basically, nothing is hard and fast. 

Personality

The next thing I wanted to touch upon is personality.  I think there is a tendency to portray all kids as Standard Kids (which I have endearingly coined Standard Kid Syndrome).  It is all well and good if the intention is just to show a Standard Kid; however, if you really want to dig deep into a character, into who that child is, it’s so important to consider personality traits.  From birth, children have dispositions, and as they grow and learn more about themselves and the world, those dispositions become personality.  Personality traits should shine through very early on!  Kids can be open to experience or rigid and anxious, they can be introverted or extroverted, they can be impulsive or restrained, they can be aggressive, meek, funny, serious, meticulous, silly, cool, gruff, grumpy, snarky, sassy, nerdy, quirky, shy, friendly, withdrawn, and so on and so forth.  Children are new humans; they are not incomplete humans. 

The Kid Voice

When writing from the point of view of a child, all of the things discussed above factor into word choice.  Just like writing adult characters, the way a kid talks in dialogue, or narrates even, is influenced by a blend of so many different things.  Young kids’ descriptions are going to have simpler sentence structures and words.  They may introspect less and observe more.  They may express themselves through their bodies and actions more.  They may have trouble describing what they’re feeling, or understanding what they’re seeing.  Teens may describe things more dramatically and intensely than similar adults would.  They may not.  What is important is considering the mix of traits and experiences they have in relation to cognitive development.  It’s really no different from writing any other character.  It just takes research and planning to get in The Zone.

TL;DR

- Understanding how kids think is a good starting point to writing kids

- Personal experiences, intelligence, and the interaction of qualities can influence how a child thinks in a multitude of ways

- Kids have personalities!  They’re not blank slates that have yet to be filled.  They are whole people, and it’s good to give proper care to show those unique, wonderful little minds that they have

- It’s not so much different than writing adults! It just takes some time spent looking through a different lens!

- This is not a comprehensive reference by any means, so please feel free to chime in!

[until-theend-oftheline]

Family Moment

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: Mention of idiot ex-boyfriend  

Square Filled: Clothes Sharing for @marvelfluffbingo and Childhood Friends (Marvel Fandom) for @goodthingshappenbingo

Word Count: 2500ish

A/N: This is a way overdue 1-year anniversary celebration fic written for @becs-bunker - sorry I am being so slow with these.

Betaed by: @super100012 thanks, hun!

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

Chris felt relaxed and at ease being back home in Boston. He loved his job, he wouldn’t trade it if he had the chance but it was still good to be home where he was just Chris. Where he was just an annoying brother, a loving son and loyal best friend.

Your best friend. You and Chris had known each other most of your lives. The first time you’d met Chris he had been busy messing with his unsuspecting little brother. Chris had been seven years old at the time while you were only five and the same age as his brother who you knew from school. You had also known Chris was Scott’s older brother but that hadn’t stopped your acute sense of justice from walking straight across the playground and hitting Chris over the back of the head before he could push his poor blindfolded little brother backward down the slide. Chris hadn’t been hurt but had jumped in surprise, turning around to see a messy-haired little girl with her arms crossed and a pout on her face.

Chris smiled at the memory as he walked his excited dog towards your house. From that day the three of you had been inseparable. Chris adored you even if your presence makes his favorite activity of messing with his brother a lot harder. Even worse as you grew older you started in on the mischief, ganging up with Scott against him.

To this day it hadn’t changed all that much even if you were now a single mom to a five-year-old little girl. Your pregnancy had been an accident and the asshole boyfriend you had been with at the time had run for the hills. You, however, had chosen to carry through with your pregnancy and Chris had done everything he could to support you.

He wasn’t able to visit every day because of his job, but whenever he was home he spent as much time with you as he could. You wouldn’t take his money, so instead, he had to be creative, gifting you things he knew you needed. As much as you always scolded him for his generosity he also knew you appreciated it. A huge gift to you didn’t mean all that much to Chris. His job did come with benefits even if it also robbed him of other things, such as privacy and time with his loved ones.

None of those things was something he was willing to think about today though. Today he was just excited to see you and Josephine again.

“Hello?” Chris knocked on the door before pushing it open. He had a key and he knew you were fine with him coming and going as he pleased when he was home, just like he was with you doing the same in his house. Still, he didn’t want to scare you so he liked to make his presence known before he released the excited puppy from his leash.

Dodger made a beeline for the living room and Chris smiled as he heard you and Josephine start laughing as the dog attacked you both with kisses.

“Chris… Help,” you laughed lying on your back on the floor with Josephine hiding under your arm and Dodger on top of you. He kept jumping around to give you both as many kisses as possible as you both laughed as you tried to avoid a tongue in mouth situation.  

“That’s a good boy,” Chris praised laughingly. He sent you a wink as you shoot him a glare, struggling to calm down the dog. Meanwhile, Josephine had managed to escape and ran straight into Chris' arms as he squatted down ready for the collision.

“Chris!!” she cheered, throwing her arms around his neck. Chris laughed standing up with the little girl in his arms, hugging her close.

“I missed you, Josie,” Chris admitted, making the little girl cling even harder to him.

“I missed you too,” she whispered with her face buried against his neck.

“I still need help,” you whined still squirming beneath the excited puppy making Chris and Josephine both laugh again.

“Dodger! That tickles. Stop it,” you laughed trying to catch your breath.

“What do you say? Should we go save mommy?” Chris asked, putting the little girl down when she nodded.

“Dodger come,” she called, and Dodger instantly stopped his assault looking over his shoulder towards the little girl. “We’re doing a runway show. You need to be dressed up too,” she explained and the unknowing dog happily followed her with his tail wagging in excitement.

“Oh no.” Chris laughed, as they both disappeared, “poor Dodger.”

“Poor Dodger? Poor me!” you objected drying your face with your sleeve, before reaching up to a hand for Chris to pull you back onto your feet. As soon as he did you wrapped your arms around his neck and Chris closed his eyes as he embraced you.

“Miss me too?” you teased, looking up at him and Chris' heart skipped a beat when he reopened his eyes to see yours shining up at him. He was in love with you, it just hadn’t ever seemed like the right time to let you know that. Or maybe it was just Chris being a complete and utter coward, afraid that he would lose your friendship if he let go of that secret.

“Every day,” he admitted and your face split into a huge smile as he stood on your toes kissing his cheek before hugging him again.

“Me too.”

“Mom are you ready?” Josephine’s voice sounded from the other room and you broke the hug, taking Chris’ hand.

“Two seconds darlin’” you yelled back as you lead Chris to the couch, tugging him to sit with you.

“She was doing a fashion show when your vicious dog attacked us,” you teased and Chris playfully rolled his eyes, smirking down at you.

“Oh yeah, he is so dangerous. He might slobber someone to death one day,” Chris teased, making you giggle.

“Well, he came close today. His tongue went up my nose,” you whined and pouted when Chris threw his head back against the sofa, clutching his chest as he laughed at you.

“That’s not funny Evans,” you scolded, but couldn’t help but smile. His laugh was contagious and you loved having him back in your home. You only wished it was for good rather than a visit. If only Chris knew just how deeply you cared for him. He didn’t and you didn’t want to push him away, by admitting to the girl crush that had never gone away.

Instead, you tore your eyes from him and towards your daughter’s room calling out for her, “We’re ready when you are honey!”

You couldn’t help but giggle when Part of Your World started playing. Josie adored Chris. She had from the moment she was born and his love of Disney had most certainly rubbed off on her.

“That’s my girl,” Chris mumbled as he kept his eyes on the door, not noticing the smile on your face widen. You loved Chris but more than that you loved that he was in your daughter’s life. She didn’t have a father, but in a way she still did and even if Chris wasn’t biologically related to her, Josephine still had a better dad than most little girl’s in your eyes. It had been his choice to be in Josephine’s life as much as he had been and you adored him all the more for it. You weren’t sure he knew just how much easier and better he had made your life these past six years. It wasn’t about his gifts that he kept sneaking into your house. You appreciated the new bed for your kid, the upgrades to your kitchen, school things and everything else he had gotten you without you asking, but it was his company that made all the difference. It was him being here on everyday afternoons like today. It was him picking up your kid when she fell and him holding you when life got hard. It was the calls and facetiming both you and your daughter when he was on set. It was laughing with you and making your daughter’s life an adventure every time he came around.

You were broken from your thoughts as Dodger came rushing through the room wearing one of Josephine’s dresses, skipping right into Chris’ arms with a miserable look on his face.

“Aww Bubba,” Chris laughed along with you, rubbing the dog’s face in his hands. “What did she do to you?”

“You’re such a good patient boy aren’t you?” you praised, petting Dodger sitting in Chris’ lap. “I’m gonna cook you a special dinner tonight for that,” you promised, making Chris laugh.

“Do I get a special dinner to if I wear one of your dresses?” he asked with a wink, making you roll your eyes at him.

“No. Cause you would do it voluntarily and most likely ruin it in the process. Which would mean you are cooking me dinner then,” you grinned.

“Mooom. Chriiis,” your daughter’s head poked out of her door. “Pay attention to me.”

“Sorry sweetheart,” you and Chris spoke in unison, both giggling as you realized but never taking your eyes off the door, where Josephine quickly appeared.

She strutted through the door across the room, spinning around in front of you before crossing her arms across her chest, grinning cheekily up at you both and Chris’ heart skipped a beat.

He loved that little girl so much and at that moment he saw five-year-old you clear as day in her and that certainly didn’t make his love for her lesson.

“What do you think?” she asked with hair sticking out everywhere, from the colorful elastic bands she had put in it. Different color eyeshadow, and lipstick smeared across her lips, which she had most likely stolen from her room and Chris chuckled as he realized Dodger had actually been quite lucky he had escaped with only a dress.  

“I think you look absolutely beautiful,” you said, grinning when Dodger changed laps giving you a miserable look. You decided to take pity on the poor pooch and started freeing him of his dress as Chris lifted Josephine onto his lap.

“You look like a Disney princess. Absolutely stunning,” Chris praised, making the little girl’s face split into a huge proud smile. His opinion on everything she did meant the world to her. “Is that my shirt?” he asked with a grin tugging the button up Josephine was using as a dress, helped by one of your belts.

“Dunno,” she answered with a shrug. “It was in mom’s closet.”

“Was it now?” Chris teased looking over at you, but his heart skipped a beat when he saw the blush in your cheeks as you refused to look at him. Chris wasn’t sure what this meant but he knew your next words was a lie and a small hope ignited in his chest.

“You must have left it over here at some point,” you shrugged, letting Dodger, now dress free jump from your lap. “Josie go get Dodger a handful of treats. He has been a good boy and you can have a cookie too while you are in the kitchen,” you ordered your daughter who happily nodded, jumping off Chris lap before calling the dog’s name and he trotted after her a little apprehensive this time.  

“I didn’t leave it here,” Chris said carefully before you could say anything else but after Josephine was out of earshot.

“Chris…” you started, but he interrupted you.

“I know that because I wore it the day before I left. I put it in the wash at my place,” Chris pressed and you sighed.

“You’re not letting this go are you?” you asked, fighting your tears and still not looking at him.

“Do you want me to drop it?” Chris asked, tenderly reaching out tugging your hair behind your ear so he could see your face. “I’m not mad Y/N/N. Just curious why you took it?”

“Because I missed you,” you blurted it. “It smells like you and wearing your clothes sometimes makes me feel as if…” You managed to stop yourself in time biting your lip, still not looking over at the man next to you.

Chris however, had grown bolder, gently caressing your cheek before cupping your chin between two fingers guiding you to look at him. The softness and adoration in his blue eyes completely took your breath away.

“As if what?” Chris' voice was barely above a whisper now as he struggled with himself not to just lean in and kiss you. He couldn’t. He needed to be sure. You and Josie were too important to him to mess this up.

“As if we are really a family,” you looked down. “As if you were my boyfriend.” Finally saying that out loud scared the shit out of you but it also felt as if a weight had been lifted your heart. All your life there was nothing you hadn’t told Chris. Nothing except for the way you had really come to feel about him.

“I love you,” Chris blurted out not knowing what else to say and no longer able to keep those words in.

“What?” you looked up at him. Completely baffled. Off all the things you had thought he might say that hadn’t been it.

“I love you,” Chris repeated. Slower and more confident this time.

“And I would love nothing more than for us to be a real family. For you to be my girlfriend,” Chris spoke as he tenderly caressed your cheek but jumped back as your fist landed against his arm.

“Hey! What was that for?” he rubbed his arm as he glared at you glaring back at him.

“Why haven’t you said anything?” you accused.

“Why haven’t you?” Chris fired back as the two of you stared each other down before you both started laughing.

Chris jumped back when you reached out to him, with a playful glimmer in his eyes. “Not gonna hit me again are you?”

“No you goof,” you rolled your eyes, “I was gonna kiss you but if that’s how it’s gonna be…”

You squealed when Chris suddenly wrapped his arm around your waist, lifting you into his lap before you could finish the sentence.

“Don’t do that,” you scolded, as Chris threw his head back in laughter.

“Revenge,” he chuckled before cupping your face in his hands and your heart skipped when you realized how close he was. “Can I kiss you?”

You swallowed harshly, as you nodded and Chris’ face lit up in the most beautiful smile before he leaned up pressing his lips carefully against yours. Just like that the rest of the world melted away as you wrapped your arms around his neck, happily letting Chris deepen the kiss. Your first kiss of many. Your first kiss of forever.

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Chris Evans Tag Team

@feelmyroarrrr @princess-evans-addict @thejourneyneverendsx @roxyspearing @jewels2876 @captainsamwlsn @girl-next-door-writes @hellaqueerangelofthelord @danijimenezv @cd1242 @mizzzpink @janeyboo @becs-bunker @smoothdogsgirl @blacktithe7 @ifyougetkilled-walk-it-off @grace-for-sale  @scarletlingeries @mizzezm @readitandweepfics @averyrogers83 @sorenmarie87 @docharleythegeekqueen @erosbellarke  @the-wayward-robot @super100012 @myfanficlibrarium @achishisha @patzammit @awkwardfangirl2014 @ishipmybed @dottirose @panicatttckiss @kimmiestrawberrykiwi

[thelittlehansy]

EMPATH ?

in an old post where i was analyzing hans family and his personality in a frozen heart i come to the conclusion it could be maybe possible he was an empath and could also explain his behavior in the movie.

So because i m obesss 

by list 😁

by prince hans of the southern isles 😁

and because it seems funny 😁

here it is a list 50 traits of empath to see what can we say about hans being one  based on every information about him in the movie and since we have a whole book who got deeper about his personality also a frozen heart.

first what is an empath :  “ Empaths, or clairsentients (literally, “clear sensing”), absorb the emotional and physical energies of those around them.  Often confused with the term empathy, which is the ability to put oneself in someone else’s shoes, an empath literally feels the emotion or pain of another”

i put 4 categories :

positive  ,

possible ,

negative ,

we dont know.

1-You’re often told you are “too sensitive” or emotional.

hans family told him that , he is mice , he is weak , Runo and rudi mock him andt tell him he is mommy boy because of it ,he is soft this is the main reason his dad encourage his brothers to bully him wants to “toughen him” he hates violence and brute ( reveal in a frozen heart) it makes think of his father and brothers and he hates it but then it didnt really bother him to left a girl to died ? So not positive but not 100% negative. this is diffuclt ! 

Possible ? 🤨🤨

2-.Overwhelmed In Public Places

i was going to say we dont know but..Then i thought about that scene XD

so funny how much deduction we can make based on so little things.😄😄  on a frozen heart this is hans who propose anna to go see the garden flower so maybe ? but then this is more easily to be alone with someone when you want to seduce that person. also on a frozen heart Hans  wait 20 minutes to enter in room where was throw his mother birthday. but again the main reason is because his brothers are exhausting.

not positive but possible ? maybe ? 

3-You crave solitude, whether you are an introvert or extrovert by nature.

woooo on a frozen heart : 

“ the dock was one of the farthest  points from the westergaard castle which was part of its appeal for hans. his brothers couldn't be bothered to walk all the way down there just to tease him so it gave him the chance for the peace and quiet he craved it also give him to think something most of his brothers frankly couldn’t cared less about” Hans is an extrovert ! check his personality ENFJ. so positive !

4-Other people unload on you, telling you their problems and life stories, even if you have never met.

Looooooooove is an opeeeeeeen dooooooor 

Positive !

5-You can tell the mood of a room instantly upon entering.

does the fact that Hans know what to say to elsa when he enter in the ice castle count ? so not positive but i think this is really possible hans is really good with the emotions and read people this is confirm on a frozen heart  “ hans could read people and he knew elsa wasn't lying”Possible? nothing reject it hans is very good wih feeling and emotions ! 

possible

6-As you drive or walk through a town, your emotions fluctuate depending on the houses you pass.

we dont know 

7-You have an artistic nature.

possible ? even more with his context of family ? i mean i can see hans have an artistic side to deal with his environment. Possible ?

8-You tend to be a “fixer” who always wants to help others improve their lives.

well he wants to be a king ?maybe ? reading a frozen heart something that struck me is that he has a huuuge need to be needed he wants to help and the fact that he is 13th in line and will never have to help no one really is big deal for him. so not positive but i do think this is possible well when he is not comploting  some master mind plan.😄

Possible

9-You have vivid or lucid dreams and often wake up feeling as though you never slept.

dont know !

10-Sometimes you “just know” what someone is about to say or do.

with the fact that hans mirror people in some scene , love is an open door scene and also that he is a very intuitive person i think this is possible.!

Possible

11-You are drawn to healing or holistic professions (medical, spiritual, or religious).

dont know 😂but hans is attract by politic so negative ? 

12-Your life is filled with an array of déjà vu moments, synchronicities, coincidences or patterns.

dont know 

13-You have a strong intolerance for pain.  On the flip side, you have the ability to “check out” of yourself if in an extremely painful situation.

dont know.

14-Watching the news affects you and the stories stick with you for days or years.

there is not news in the southern isles 🤣🤣dont know.

15-Seeing someone in an embarrassing situation physically pains you.

possible ? i m thinking about the beginning of the movie when hans make anna fall on the boat so maybe ? We dont knows but i think this is possible ?

16-You suffer from chronic lower back or shoulder pain.

dont know haha

17-You love to have control over your environment and become uncomfortable, frustrated or even angry (though you may not express it outwardly) when you are unable to.

 if i remember well this is one of the thing that hans do in a froze heart he hates losing control over his environment. so  positive ?

18-You know easily when someone is lying.

“ hans could read people and he knew elsa wasn't lying” dungeon scene a frozen heart what is in hans mind. Positive

19-Similarly, you know in a moment when someone is not to be trusted.

Positive !  also when hans leave arendelle with the guards he tell to one of his man : “ keep an eyes on the duke” “ i dont trust him i think he is trying to undermine me”

20-You can relate effortlessly to situations which you have never experienced.

possible ? 

21-You use physical stimuli as a means of escape (alcohol, drugs, video games, sex, etc.), then feel guilty about escaping.

dont know.

22-You are a passionate person, particularly when it comes to human or animal rights.

hans talk about hunting with his father in his daydream , so now the question is can you hunt and be for animals right ? difficult to say because people for animal rights tend to hate hunting ? But people who hunts are not people against animal right then hans has a really good connection with horse.so honestly i dont know. also he is someone that wants to help but was teach that be human is not a good thing. so i just dont know.

23-The weather strongly affects your emotional state and you have symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Dont know but....now that im thinking about it maybe the eternal winter is the reason of hans betrayal !  like it was summer but the winter do something in his head. XD so

 dont know ! 

24-You have been diagnosed with a mental illness such as anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, or borderline personality disorder.

i have read a lot about this subject and analyze hans in a frozen heart some people come to the conclusion that hans may be depressed. positive ?

25-You feel most like yourself in nature, away from people or man-made objects.

turning he made his way out of the caslte and toward the sea” a frozen heart .possible ? 

26-Antique stores make you feel uncomfortable or uneasy.

dont know.

27-Some places you have never before been feel like home.

sounds familiar ? Arendelle? 😄😄😄😄 

more seriously maybe ? nothing suggest the contrary so possible but nothing suggest this is positive

Dont know

28-You long to travel and meet new people and cultures.  You consider yourself a free spirit.

We dont know but hans is a free spirit ? he is independent and think differently that his brothers ? so maybe ? Possible ?

29-Owning too many physical items makes you feel weighted down.  Clutter overwhelms you or leaves you feeling constricted or imprisoned.

we dont know

30-You prefer to focus on one task at a time.

Arendelle crown 🤴🤴

Arendelle crown 😵😵🤴🤴

Only arendelle crooown.😵😵😵😵

Possible ? 😅

31-Despite getting enough sleep, you constantly feel fatigued, both physically and mentally.

dont know.

32-You have a history of paranormal experiences (ghost or angel sightings, out of body experiences, etc.).

dont know😂

33-The emotions of your loved ones affects you throughout the day, even if you are physically apart.

Hummm.....he feels empathy for his mother sister in laws because they are ignore by his father and brother...bu we dont dont if it affect him for the day ?

Dont know

I find also  : 

34-“you are rule breaker “ 

hans dont seems to be one at all on the contrary based on the movie and a frozen heart.

Negative ?

35-you have a big heart ? 

he dont seems to have a big heart we knows he like to help but he is also selfish opportunistic.

Maybe hans had a big heart but with his father education. Hans reject his father education but at the same time no. But well i will say

Negative

36 -You sense things that other people miss.

“dont be the monster they fear you are” hans interaction with elsa at the ice castle so i would say positive ?

37-You’re extremely intuitive.

i remember than Hans  in a frozen heart said that he was working with his intuition. I also check Hans type of personality and i found : ENFJ let’s also say that he succeeded into changing his plan throughout the whole movie without losing his goal in mind.  he adapt to the situation easily so well hans is definitely someone very intuitive.

Positive !

38-You need to be near water.

“ turning he made his way out of the castle and toward the sea” a frozen heart .positive

39-You often find yourself absorbing other people’s emotions (both good and bad).

He really seems to absorb everyone emotions when we look at his facial expression Even during the betrayal scene ? he was happy then anna got mad he got mad.( well this is the famous mirror theory on a frozen heart hans say this is something his father told him to manipulate but the only time he used it is for the duke of weselston and a moment we didnt saw on the movie not the others times)

possible ?

40-You get "gut feelings” often (and they’re almost always right).

Its works with hans being intuitive ? So we dont really have evidence , nothing reject it so i wil say this is possible.

41-You often feel other people’s pain.

well his behavior in the movie again suggest this is really possible. i m gonna talk about the scene with anna during the coronation night that could explain why it was so easy to hans to get anna he feel her emotions and how lost and lonely she was.  and the scene when hans calm anna horse with his facial expression. at the ice castle scene hans see that elsa is scared and during the dungeon scene also maybe ? in a frozen heart hans say that he can read really well people elsa wasnt lying and she wanted to go back to her ice castle and let her sister clean the mess.so not positive but possible ? 

Possible ?

43-You constantly seek answers for everything.

dont know

44-You know that your energy can change the atmosphere around you.

Possible ? Anna was sad in on instant hans presence change her mood with the aredelle citizens also ? maybe ? in both the movie and  a frozen heart they were all kind of deseparate but then once hans in charge it does change.

45-You go back and forth between being very expressive and very reclusive.

we dont really know;

46-You sometimes find yourself putting others’ needs before your own.

Well nope not that much 😅 but hans dont even knows what are his needs.in the movie he put his need before anna elsa ,

but lets notice that it does fit with him being a social chameleon he gives the people what they want he makes them comfortable , give them their need in order for them to give to him what he want. Please his family to have their respect is also something he do before knewing

Honestly i dont know what to think ?

47-You always need to know the truth and do not like deceit.

Know the truth ? Nothing say the opposite so possible ? not like deceit ? interesting ! what would hans feel if someone did to him what he did to anna ?

Possible ?

48-You’re a free spirit and find yourself daydreaming often.

based on the movie we dont know , with a frozen heart we learn that hans is see as different as his brothers , he is independent and dont think like them. hans does daydreaming a lot before he decide to go to arendelle he was ( 17 , 20 with his real age)in a frozen heart. at one moment he said to himself that he need to sop daydream all day. so positive ?

49-You’re extremely open-minded and accepting of all people and lifestyles.

we dont really knows. no element at all.

50-You won’t let a problem go until you find a satisfying solution.

at a moment hans said he cant tell the number time he had tried to find a peaceful solution with his brothers and father.

Positive

I admit most of them are difficult to tell and there is a part of subjectivity.

So Result :

Positive : 11

Possible : 16

Negative : 3

We dont know : 19

so there is a lot of thing we dont know a lot of thing that are possible others. several things are positive and also some negative but there are less than positive like 3 ? . 

in conclusion i think that hans being an empath with the amount of traits that are possible and the one that are positive it can be a headcanon. he is brillant with emotions,he knows very well how to read people , if they lied , if they dont lied and feeling others feeling can really explain how easily it was for him.

I think hans be an empath is great for 3 reasons :

1-it give a different vision about the famous miror theory

hans mirror everyone because he feel everyone emotions around him not because he is a psycho/ narcissist. Psycho/narcissist are not the only one who mirror people empath also but anyway hans dont mirror all the time people in the movie and also made several post about the subject on my blog there were a lot thing that hans didnt have with psycho and even more about narcissist and with what we knows about him in a frozen heart he is neither a psychopath or a narcissist but well here the subject is empath.

 2-hans be an empath fix , give a reason to hans very stupid villain mistake

Hans be an empath is a post that i wanted to make since a long time and coincidence one day while i was reading some old hans post on tumblr and i see someone talk about hans be an empath and make a point very interesting.

That maybe hans be an empath is the reasons why he left anna to die ?

One of the big thing that dont make any sense with hans actions is why he didnt patiently wait for anna to freeze to death and go tell the diagnatery that anna was dead without them excepting to check the body.

Also why he was going to decapitate elsa right know but just couldnt stayed with anna to wait he had froze to death (for him elsa was in the dungeon so not even a need to be fast)

The person make the point that anna death would have be very slow and hans would have lost an advantage if he was an empath absorbing all the emotions. if she stay with her thats why he left her to died and he choose also a fast death for elsa.

Wanted to talk about that because it give an interesting explication more than "he left her because the plot ask for it and for the villain to be dumb and lose"🤔😄😄

-To finish hans be empath is realistic

what we learn about hans his description in a frozen heart is that he is the 13th son of a tyranical and narcissist father he live all his life with 11 bullies who pick on him because he is softer. He has live all his live in an environnent of hypervigilence and trauma and suffer from childhood neglect this are ways empath are made in real life with the presence of biological factor. ( trauma dont makes just psychopath/sociopath people *rolled my eyes*😅)

[chxoticpulse]

nick robinson + male+ he/him + chaos manipulation.┊ ❛ ━ hey, is it just me or do you hear i’m still here by john rzeznik playing in the distance ? oh, that’s just robin haggis-latierre, a twenty year old student. according to my sources, i heard he can be true neutral and is intelligent, but also apathetic. that’s probably why they remind everyone of the sound of shattering glass, (post) apocalyptic scenarios & worn-out physics books so much ! anyway, whether or not they’re in favor of the supers, crystalline city is keeping a close eye on them !    ( if he had a super name it would probs be PARADOX, but it’s still a draft ).

( There is a TL; DR almost at the bottom bc I honestly exceeded myself )

Poor boy, he didn’t know what he was getting into when he saw his dad closing the door behind him. Robin thought he was just going for the groceries or maybe he was just going to get Christmas presents a bit too early in July... but he didn’t come back. Not that day and not any other, just late and secret phone calls when mommy wasn’t paying attention and for a couple of months, that was the reality.

He was a smart kid ( god bless the Haggis genes! Did you know a child inherits 80% of their intelligence from their mother? ), though, at the beginning he was also very hopeful... but that died with time. Robin didn’t take too long to realize what was happening and out of a little act of rebellion, he stopped calling his dad and he stopped giving bright smiles to his mother.   Quite selfish, maybe? But at that age, all a kid wants is a happy family.

He was still young when the revelation of his powers happened. His parents were arguing downstairs and he was watching from the stairs, shrunk and half hidden behind the posts of the rail. A lot of emotions started to ball inside him and when the stress and sadness became uncontainable, a wave of energy messed up the whole living room and caused some light cracks on the walls.     HOLY SHIT, THEIR SON WAS A MUTANT TOO!

It took them some time to really understand what kind of power Robin had, disintegration? Energy manipulation? Air manipulation? There were many options and theories, but there was something that didn’t change: whenever Robin touched something, it would cause it to crack, shake or completely break, depending on how strong his emotions were at the moment. Eventually, they found someone who could identify mutations and they resolved that what Robin had was   CHAOS MANIPULATION.   Nobody really understood what that was at all, since it was a very... generic name, but at least now the had an idea.

Robin was homeschooled for some time, at least until he managed to control his powers the best he could, but as soon as he was enrolled again, he didn’t take time to make some petty enemies. The problem was that Robin was intelligent and he knew it and he enjoyed calling out others on their mistakes and so on.

Poetically speaking, the boy had inherited the good heart of his mother, but the devious thoughts of his father. It was probably this ambiguity and the fact that his parents were the leaders of both factions, which made him grow annoyed and tired of both heroes and villains. He wanted nothing to do with it, he didn’t believe there was something as good or bad; Robin thought that eventually, whichever force was the one to win, would drown in power.   AND ROBIN WOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.    <------ but I’ll get to this a bit later on.

He eventually managed to enroll in a good university and decided to study Physics, partly ( greatly ) inspired by his mother, but on the other hand, as a necessity to understand his powers even better. Highly studious and ridiculously apathetic, Robin was a discreet sensation, mostly because of the surnames he carried. His mother as owner of Haggis Tech and his father as a renown forensic medical examiner. There was hardly a place he could go without giving away his identity.  AND YOU THINK THIS WOULD BOTHER HIM!  Oh, no, he always gloated over that fact and he would never doubt to introduce himself as the son of geniuses, but... being somehow related to HAZE and SILVER KNIGHT in any way was beyond embarrassing, since he wanted nothing to do with their secret lives.

Even with all this, Robin considers himself close to his parents, if he’s not doing his homework at Haggis Tech or the library, you can find him in the industrial area training by himself or maybe causing some mayhem with the villains at the back of his mother. I like to think this as the video game Infamous in which karma changes depending on the good and bad actions he does. His current karma is neutral, but let’s see how that changes, I have plans for both his hero and villain versions.  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Okaaay, I’m already done, I promise asdlkf;lg.

Oooohh going back to Robin doing something about the current situation of supers... if everything turns out bad and he loses all faith at the hands of black and white morality he is DECIDED TO END HIS PARENTS’ EMPIRES BY HIMSELF. IF THEY DON’T REACH AN AGREEMENT BEFORE ROBIN MANAGES TO CONTROL A BIG PART OF HIS POWERS... I WOULD TURN UP TO WHATEVER GOD YOU BELIEVE IN AND START PRAYING, BECAUSE IT WON’T BE PRETTY.

HIS POWERS: 

This is very complicated cause his power is... complicated?? Ofc I can’t have him do everything because that would be insanely off the charts, actually, he can do very little but very significant for now. There are lots of terms and names, but to avoid boring you, what he can do now is disintegration of small objects from afar and bigger objects but upon touch. He can... destabilize some other things, for example, he can create a hole in the ground or damage a bridge support, but he ( STILL ) can’t break and entire bridge. He is fascinated with molecules and is currently working on his thesis of matter alteration in which he could get to rearrange the molecules of an object to create another one and stuff like that. NERD BOY. There is also weather manipulation in his sack of abilities that belong to chaos manipulation ( primarily fire and water ) according to the wiki, but eehh that’s a lot so maybe not for now ( unless his dad offers him to teach him smoke manipulation or smthn like that ), but that’d be for the future. His powers are awfully connected to his emotions! The more he feels, the more power he accidentally releases, that’s something he hasn’t managed to control; that’s also why you will mostly see him very stern or serious. Different emotions cause different reactions, example, anger or sadness cause things around to break or crack, stress ( due whatever reason ) may cause things to float or glitch somehow ( like when in Spiderverse there were things blooming into other things ), stuff like that but to a waaaay lighter level, like a coffee cup glitching and a second cap appearing on the bottom or stuff like that.

IMPORTANT ( and funny ): Due his powers still being slightly out of his control, he tends to have a “bad luck aura” around him most of the times, causing little events like someone accidentally dropping their coffee on their recently printed homework, a dog peeing on you as you wait on the bus stop or tripping down and ripping your favorite pair of jeans and stuff like that. While he is aware of this, he never ( usually ) does him with malice, it actually just requires him to focus a little and the aura can stop, but he usually forgets about, so please, pardon the inconvenience.

TL ; DR. Robin is the son of the leader of the league and the leader of the syndicate. He is annoyed with both heroes and villains, but massively supports supers. Is studying physics, is apathetic and will cause you have to have bad luck. Is planning to conquer the city ( or the world ). Angel heart and devil thoughts.

PLOTS / CONNECTIONS:

Classmates and people he may have good or bad relationships with!

Neighbors. I love good a bad neighbors! Gimme petty neighborhood feuds or super nice friendships! Maybe Robin used to play with them in the local park when they were younger, why did they stop talking? (in vase they did)

Not a people’s person, but still... AN EX! Robin and this girl would have had a burning fire, but it was so wild that it burned them down. Their relationship eventually got toxic and maybe they broke up after she joined one of the leagues ( preferably the villains ). They still talk and the tension is HIGH! Probably end up hooking up every now and then.

Someone he accidentally ( or not ) hurt with his powers!

Villains / Heroes that know him bc he’s the baby boy of the leader (?)

Anything else, really! Just hmu and I’m sure we will be able to brainstorm something <3

[myspookysunshine]

Original Poetry Dump Post

These were written under dustyirish, my other url, so I promise I am not plagiarizing myself. Bad poetry, but what the fuck. It was heartfelt at least. : )

NYC

I got your number. NYC; confusion, cacophony, crazy smell of taxi exhaust inexplicably smothered by the smell of roasted beans mocha latte grande whatthefuckever just give me Coffee boring and hot you laugh and it sounds genuine but my hearing isn't what it used to be. the horde floods past, fighting for air threatening to sweep us up in the flow you stand firm and vanish them with a drawl southern magician in a Ramones tee your hand brushes my arm accident or promise? that pinky sure felt like promise. yeah I got your number better yet I got your smile.

*************************

Discordance

Every night, 9:00 a solo goose flies overhead, late to the party offering his lonesome song to the night he's easy to single out the notes are slightly strange; a hoarse, desperate honking not quite like the others waiting at the pond 9:00, on the nose, I hear his tone deaf journey I always look up and smile. I can relate.

******************

Yarrow

Dawnlight breaks across the land birds call on the hill but in the valley down below the farm lies strangely still cows low crossly, needing milked morning chores gone unattended wash forgotten on the line a rocking chair upended bright flowers bent and broken by a shadow come to pass something that is not paint spilled upon the blades of grass wheat sways gently in a breeze that reeks of secret sorrow and last night's sin lies waiting amongst the fields of yarrow.

****************

Grandmother

You laugh at the sky. The picture's in black and white, but I know that ugly blue bathing suit scuffed in the rear from years of poolside sitting one strap permanently twisted from some washing machine trauma I was mortified by it then; I would give anything to see it now. You laugh at the sky, carefree and wild/beautiful, wind whipping dark hair into something approaching chaos Bettie Page on the edge of a hurricane. Your arms reach for me; I, that sepia child, race for them. As I recall, there was an embrace and promises of baby bunnies but memories are funny things; they seek one another, merge, then hide themselves away in corners.

You're in color now, though the room is kept dim machines beep a monotonous rhythm that some dark part of me wishes would just go silent. I stand, arms outstretched, waiting for my embrace. Time and tubes and coma be damned. You're still laughing at the sky.

************************

Solitary Duck

Eighteen months and here in this youless reality tattered grocery lists become relics tears are shed over cow slippers a stray Butterfinger wrapper lies under the bed, coiled, ready to strike I would pick up a sword to protect a voicemail I would sell my soul to still believe in ghosts.

They said malignancy I became five again; all I wanted was my mommy I settled for sharing the news with a rectangle of sod and a solitary mallard on the duck pond.

Isn't it funny how shared laughter sounds like music the same joke, told alone, sounds like madness

I live to pluck words from the ether The most elusive (and the one I fear most) is goodbye.

Leprechaun

It was a day for celebrating. Exactly what was being celebrated she had forgotten (if she ever knew) but attendance seemed to be required.

So she went.

She took a deep breath, steeled herself and walked into the gathering.

A shirtless leprechaun sat in the corner, softly crooning The Doors 'Love Street', plucking out the notes on a tiny piano held in his lap.

He was no Jim Morrison, granted, but was anyone?

She stepped further into the room and the atmosphere changed.

Whisky bottles were festooned with shamrock stoppers, green beer flowed freely from taps, a musky green scent perfumed the air.

Pretty people getting ugly drunk.

A shoving match broke out between a tall man and a misplaced clown. She side-stepped the melee with ease.

She had crafted invisibility into an art form.

In the center of pushed-back chairs, couples danced to contemporary music. Their bodies moved to the pulsing rhythm but their eyes were dead.

She tried a bit of everything on offer, musky green burning between her fingers as she retraced her steps, back towards the known.

No one asked her to dance, and this was not necessarily a bad thing. She was afraid to be swept up in their nothingness.

There once was a yesterday bride seeking happiness somewhere inside she was dimly aware that the spark was still there But that fucker, it knew how to hide.

In the end, she returned to the leprechaun.

His head rested back against the plaster, hair flowing in loose curls to his shoulders. He had moved on to 'Soul Kitchen' and he was suddenly beautiful.

She slid to the floor beside him, lay a hand on his ankle and closed her eyes.

What she lacked in visibility she made up for in imagination.

********************

Three

His kiss is wildfire, eager and consuming Yours a gentle rain to temper the flames laid down together they alter my landscape forever make way for new growth

(you both taste of conviction)

His eyes shout for desperate truth Yours whisper questions and secret pain combined, they stare into the depths of me clear my path to perception

(you both see into the shadows)

your breaths mingle on my skin which touch is which has lost meaning there is no division here oneness rough and smooth sharp and drawl chaos and peace the differences blend into something nearing perfection Twenty fingers twine, seeking my heart

finding my soul

I take you both into myself and in doing so perhaps I can absorb his laughter and your tenderness

(you are both strength)

two men, one woman evolve into the unknown.

******************

Knotted Noose

I was there when the songs formed in basement band trial and error in beer and sweat and frustration in epiphany I slipped away then you Slipped Away I never heard the music that was formed after you lost yourself among the masks and pharmaceuticals you've been gone so long now memories have faded down to driving, pulsing bass a worn high school jersey and the places where you liked my tongue.

*******************

Cancer

I look in the mirror my silhouette is off-kilter I stand, lopsided and pining for something I never thought I would miss. Two hours under the knife equals twenty years of aging biology isn't supposed to work that way the math is wrong, goddammit. Now, even in my dreams, I am unwhole I am old there is hesitation in reaching hands there is hesitation in my reaching back If I could ask this disease one question it would be this : Was that truly necessary; couldn't you have left me my dreams?

***********

Cowboy Prince

Full Texas moon tinged with blood above a half-gone bottle of Jameson rolls in time with your hips your balled-up army jacket cradles my head your heartbeat cradles my senses your body is the only warmth I need against the chill in the air Zombie on vocals backed by coyotes we merge in this wonderland where a rusted out Silverado becomes a horse-drawn carriage you are my cowboy prince and a hi-top sneaker turns to glass.

******************

Yo--Ville

was what we called it I don't know why but it seemed to fit

(maybe it was a vibe thing)

music never ceased within its walls 24/7 lullaby the tunes created weren't good

(but the intentions were)

tofu was a confusing concept to my young mind and I rode on the back of a Harley in a miniskirt

(that scar is all I have left)

a drifter lived silent in the corner bedroom he carried his life in a backpack he could speak but chose not to

(and nobody thought it was strange)

The singer was a woman who dressed in tattered tie-sye she was angry and mysterious and beautiful

(I wanted her desperately)

Jesus was a man named Bob He never walked on water but we all believed he could

(if he could only find the ambition)

I was on a path back then and somewhere between there and here I strayed and lost myself.

********************

Perspective

Yes, it's true.

There are scars under my fingertips when they whisper along your thigh I run my tongue over teeth that aren't aligned with precision I have to pause ecstasy for a moment to kiss stray tears from your cheeks My arms stay around you in sleep to ward off demons I can't see

It's all true.

But what you don't realize is that your imperfections make you my perfect.

***************

Lesson

don that mask, hide yourself away whisper sweet lies in my ear lay your heart bare to be trod upon drown yourself in fear side with monsters, fight the light let the decades take their toll be the bringer of Death if you must but never whore your soul.

************

To The Unknown

Here you sleep, under cold pink marble and sentiment - well-meant but generic - in lieu of identity. I never knew your heart; if it was nurtured with kindness or made to hide away and beat in fear. I never saw your smile; if it was a shy, sweet blossoming or if it burst like sun flare, lighting up your eyes. I never heard your voice; if it was soft and melodic or booming and brash, filled with mischief. But oh I wish I could hear it now, whispering a name to etch upon this stone.

*************

Effigy

The scent of you lingers on pillowslips the mattress still holds your shape I use an old flannel for a nightshirt an acoustic guitar for a teddy bear I'm left with all the pieces that don't make up a whole You are only here in effigy and I can't find a match.

**********

Zephyr

I was numb before I met you soul shot full of novocaine I'm numb after I left you it's a numbness of the brain you whispered soft instruction a curriculum to maintain you first taught me oblivion then you taught me pain nothing much left standing now only crumbling walls remain you came in like a zephyr and went out a hurricane.

***********

Wish

Last night I discovered your words tucked away among dusty knickknacks on a back garage shelf.

I wish I knew how they had come to be hidden. I wish they had found a more dignified resting place. I wish you could have spoken them aloud. I wish I didn't understand the whys. I wish I had opened that box earlier. I wish I had never opened that box.

Last night I found your goodbye and today I wish I was still unaware that a heart can break twice.

*************

Taboo

The only two left floating high and exhausted in a sea of beer-swept men couch springs prod your spine but he is familiar comfort his lap a favorite pillow a slight shift of your head a slight shift in your friendship and lips are tracing denim steel you know the unspoken language of him you are fluent in his groans this one screams fucking finally fingers catch in your hair ghost along your inked bicep interpreting the coded message

'Break glass in case of emergency'

his cock pulses against your tongue your own thrums in time a driving, crescendoing drum beat he belongs to someone else you don't belong even to yourself together, here, you belong Wrong? Forbidden? Taboo? you wouldn't know as the taste of him floods your mouth words have ceased to exist.

***********

Horse

We flew, you and I, across years wind in my hair, dust in my nostrils wildfire under my skin we rode on trails of deception under the illusion that I held the reins.

One day you balked and bucked me hooved death came down beside my head knocked some courage loose I corralled you, slammed the gate and limped away bruised but triumphant.

I never was good at mending fences.

You've broken free and galloped back whinnied softly against my ear and I can only savor the ride as I settle into this well-worn saddle molded to the shape of me.

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Just Be

I first saw you on your rooftop sanctuary hiding tears behind a cigarette you'd forgotten where you put your laughter but managed to find where I'd put my soul your shadow was beautiful Just Be, I whispered you sobbed against my shoulder smoke and cologne and tears and I fell, far more than the three stories to the ground fear of not being everything Just be, I whispered, and guided you into me and it was imperfect perfection I can be strong enough for both of us the sanctuary of my mind the lesson held even if we didn't I saw you yesterday, up on stage doubt in your eyes I closed my own and whispered Baby, just be.

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