#save me edyn tidestrider

[m4g3ofblood]

"In simplest terms, I have lost faith in the powers of the world. I must find out what is happening, and I must find a way to undo what they've done to you."

[fizzyorange-v2]

fuck I’ve gotta go to sleep now I have CLASSES but FUCK man lord forgive me for my gillion tidestrider fixation but that moment after the electrodon is dead (mostly at the expense of all gil��s smite and energy) and he’s helped pull chip out of its maw as it explodes and he’s swam to save jay and ollie and alphonse from drowning and he’s teleported or carried them all back to the sinking ship and he manages to use healing on them all despite the fact he’d used basically all his magic up killing the goddamn thing and he himself has only 2 hp remaining and alphonse doesn’t wake up. and alphonse doesn’t wake up.

that moment after the healing works on jay and ollie but alphonse doesn’t fucking wake up and gillion has used all his spell slots to kill the fucking beast and gillion only has 2 hp remaining and the ship gillion carried all of them back to is sinking sinking sinking and the healing isn’t fucking working on alphonse

and so gillion says tell me what’s wrong and i’ll fix it jay (jay what do you really want? and just tell me, so i can fight for it) and gillion will fix this (he will fight for this) he will find a way to heal his crew member tell me what’s wrong and i’ll fix it because surely gillion has broken enough things lately surely this can’t be something else that is beyond repair that gillion can’t fucking fix just like jay’s inventions just like the conch shell just like edyn’s distance-trust-faith in him just like the elder’s blessing and training and his whole damned prophecy it can’t and

so there he is about to start desperately ripping into alphonse’s wiring and then chip stops him.

chip interrupts, chip calls out gil! this ships going down is there something you can do about keeping us afloat—? and it’s this fucking moment. It’s this moment where gillion stands surrounded by his crew, his friends, his family; one of who still needs to be fixed, the others all no more than 5 hp from the brink, 2 of which only still breathing because he found more healing to give after using all of his magic to kill the beast that destroyed half of the ship that they stand on the ship that is home the ship that is still fucking sinking and chip with his single hp asks gillion to help keep them afloat and gillion stammers.

he stammers. this moment. you can see the panic and the stress and how overwhelmed he is how torn into billion directions he is because he’s the one they need to stop the ship from sinking but he’s also the only who can fix this (see: risk himself to “recharge” alphonse (no matter the fact he also only has 2 fucking hp)) and he can’t let alphonse sink either.

and god. this moment where chip asks gil to keep them afloat and gillion stammers and stutters and scrambles and hesitates even just for a few seconds, this moment, you can see played so clearly: it is and shows the true extent of the burden gillion bears. the true weight of the burden crashing down on him as he tries to be strong enough to carry it, to hold it all up, to hold them all up, to make sure no one sinks, to make sure they all stay afloat.

and in this moment as he stammers and doubts and fears i knew already he would fall back into old habits, the only way he was raised and trained, the only way he knows how to save everyone, how to bear it — by immediately sacrificing himself and hoping he’ll finally give give give enough to fix everything.

and who would’ve guessed. he doesn’t hesitate for a second more. off to be the literal conduit to save someone’s life he goes, as the ship keeps sinking sinking sinking behind him.

i hope for everyone’s sake it is enough, of course, because i adore alphonse (and so does every single person in that crew) and the idea of losing him is unbearable. of course i hope this fixes it, of course i hope this is somehow enough to shock the helmsman back to life. but i deeply fear what will happen to gil when one day, inevitably, he just doesn’t have enough to give and he can’t kill the beast in time and he can’t fix everything and he can’t save everyone and no amount of sacrifice is enough.

sometimes you can’t keep everyone afloat at once. sometimes you can’t hold an entire ship together with nothing but strength and will. sometimes you can’t just drown yourself to stop someone else from sinking.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

save me edyn tidestrider

[moonfruito]

YEAH like he's just gillion tidestrider again but like. what the fuck does that mean to him? everybody that had guided him in his life has deserted him and he's never had to work it out for himself before, so where does he go from here? when he said "i don't know what to do" he meant "i need someone to tell me what to do". that's why he wanted to call edyn so badly: he wanted to be handed a direction the same way that he has all his life. he has never been this lost before because he's just been given duty after duty. "for the first time, gillion doesn't know what to do. you can see it in his eyes. but you can tell he feels like he has to do something." - he has a responsibility but to what? action to what consequence? helpless but to help what? he's so used to having everything he does matter. what does he do when the one who matters to him most won't let his choices to matter? gillion has never been denied culpability so resolutely. he gets assigned obligations, not have them taken away. it's so contrary to the way that he has lived so far. it's no wonder he feels lost.

and at the same time as it's a good thing for him to learn to self-actualise, i think this is a make or break moment for him. his core identity and principles have been torn down completely and he has to build himself back up from the ground up but he's never dealt with something that's made him this directionless before, and gillion is a character CENTRED around direction. chip and jay are literally the only things right now keeping him from going off the deep end, especially given that he's now broken contact with all his other friends and isolated himself even further. by breaking the callnch shell he removed the option of trying to get that feeling of purpose back from external sources. it's crucial that that is a conscious decision he chose to make. "he knows that as long as he has a way he won't be able to stop trying." gillion can't stop that part of himself that needs to take on every blame and save everyone, but some other part of him doesn't want to take on another duty given to him by another person. he's gotten to the point that he's tired of being strung along and let down by the people who are supposed to want what's best for him. he knows that it'll do nothing but torment him. he's been pushed to breaking point and he doesn't want to keep doing it anymore. so he shatters the shell. he shuts the martyr's voice out. leaves himself and his crew and his unknowable future in its silence. he chose to live without it, for once, so now comes his crossroads: he must find his own destiny or ruin himself in trying. he has set his metamorphosis in motion.

it is so so interesting that gillion has taken to mumbling and making questioning sounds in place of where he used to announce his titles. i've always interpreted his constant repetition of it as a mechanism of overcompensation, like if he says it enough times he'll believe that he truly fits that role. the fact that since his trial he's started just trailing off uncertainly could be interpreted as him starting to question if it still applies to him, but i think it's indicative of the fact that he's beginning to accept what he deep down believed all along - that he's not the chosen one the elders told him he was. he's starting to abandon it because he's not trying to compensate for his inadequacy anymore, because he's starting to realise that the bar he wasn't good enough to reach was maybe just not the right one for him.

how gillion uses his titles has always been interesting to me because he didn't start adding to them until after he got banished from the undersea. he came to the oversea with only the ones the elders gave him, and he began to collect more of his own volition. as if he was trying to justify himself being on the surface with his achievements, giving himself validation where the elders took it away, collecting titles like trophies to remind himself that he's not all useless, constantly adding to them to bulk out the degree of his worthiness and greatness, saying them like they're a part of his name because just being gillion tidestrider is not enough. he needs to be more, always, so he keeps adding them on. but at the same time as they're a sign of his accomplishments, they're also signs of his responsibilities. heroism is both his source of fulfilment and his duty for gillion, and he doesn't know how to separate them out. he doesn't know how to feel validated and successful without working at his mission, and so while he's been away from the elders that had told him what that mission was for him his whole life, he self-assigned tasks to complete and added them to his name, artificially recreating the system he was taught with his whole life. at this point there's so many titles that he can't even keep track. he kept adding to the mass of his merits until it became a burden. now we're starting to see him let go of all that. he's learning, slowly but surely, to live in spite of what he has or hasn't achieved. he's learning to live with the gap between what he is and what he should be. he's learning to shed the armour around his own name and identity and be nothing but himself. he's just gillion tidestrider. that's all he needs to be.

[dreamsclock]

sparrow. if you write ANYTHING for jrwi i will go so wild. i will grip it so tightly with my little hands and i will treasure it forever. im desperate for other people who are invested in this silly little podcast it means everything to me

even though this ask is from. so SO long ago, let me fill this prompt now 😎 i’ve fallen behind on jrwi and i need to catch up so that’s what i’ll be doing over the next few days from now on!!

have some gil. my baby. my fave. my shining star. and everyone’s fave edyn ^_^

warnings: emotional distress, hurt / comfort, self deprecating thoughts

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Gil,” Edyn says softly, coasting a hand along his face and cupping his chin, “nothing at all. You’re perfect.”

Gillion Tidestrider may be the Champion of the Undersea, The One, Hero of the People, et cetera, et cetera (the other titles were less cool, in his eyes), but he hasn’t quite managed to quell his negative emotions. The Elders tell him he’ll overcome that weakness soon, but he’s still humiliated and horrified to find tears welling up in his eyes. “But– But I failed. I failed again, Edyn. Champions aren’t supposed to fail.”

His sister falters, and Gillion can see the look of consternation that flits through her eyes: no, he knows she’s thinking, they’re not. But her thumb catches a tear that spills from his eyes, so gentle, and she shakes her head. “You didn’t fail, sweet,” she tells him, “Champions have bad days. And Champions aren’t invincible. You just finished training, didn’t you?”

“Y- Yes. I did.”

“And you’d been training for so long, hours today, hours yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that.” Fighting a wave of anger at her brother’s expense, Edyn pulls Gillion closer, tucks him into her shoulder away from the world. Even though he’s five years younger, he’s beginning to tower over her – by the Seas, she thinks, struck with a sudden sadness, when did her baby brother get so old? “You’re overtrained, Gil. I could see it the moment you stepped up for the fight. No wonder you’re not performing like usual. You need rest.”

Gillion doesn’t reply for a long moment, fighting to keep his composure in her arms. Edyn always has a way of making him feel so very human – he doesn’t feel like a failing Champion around her, or like he’s let her down. He feels normal, so very, very normal, and that’s the strangest feeling of all. “I failed the Elders,” he mumbles, voice choked, “how am I supposed to save the seas if I can’t even win one measly little fight? I’m– I’m bad. At all of this.”

“You, Gillion Tidestrider, are not bad.” Edyn’s voice turns firm, unrelenting. “You’re still learning. You’re still growing, maturing, getting stronger. The Elders shouldn’t treat you so harshly for one loss. Nobody should. And if they do…” She hesitates. Disrespecting the Elders is a crime not worth committing, but her blood runs hot in her veins, and when she looks at Gillion, all she can see is her brother’s distress. Anger flares bright deep inside her chest. “If they do,” Edyn finishes, “they’re wrong. They’re not worth listening to.”

Gillion’s eyes are watery, but he manages a faint look of offense. “But I’m being harsh on myself,” he says, trying for a huff, “does that mean I shouldn’t listen to myself either?”

“Absolutely.” Edyn offers him a wry smile, despite her frantically beating heart and the flutter in her stomach that tells her nerves are working overtime. “Only listen to me from now on. I’ll keep you on track. That’s a promise.”

She holds him close, letting her own eyes slip shut and rocking on her heels just slightly. Things will change one day, she promises silently. One day, the Elders will be replaced with others who understand, who listen, who care. One day, Gillion will be an adult; confident, self-assured, happy. One day they’ll both be happy.

Maybe that day is far off. Because Gillion has never looked so fragile, and Edyn has never felt so tired. All she can do is clutch him, letting his hair tickle her nose and his hands twist at her back, and promise again: One day we’ll both be happy.

“How are you feeling?” She asks softly after a while.

“Mmph–mphh.”

Edyn frowns. “...Gil?”

“You told me not to listen to myself.” Gillion unsticks his lips, pulls away from her to look at his sister solemnly. (She fights back a laugh and a burst of affection.) “So I was trying to talk without listening! Did you hear me?”

“...Sort of. What did you say?”

“I said you forgot my titles,” he replies, “when you said my name.” And then, before she can even process: “Champion of the Undersea, The One, Hero to the People, The Marvel of the Thirteen Oceans–”

“And my baby brother,” Edyn says fondly, letting him go and reaching up on tiptoes to ruffle his hair, “that’s the best title.”

Gillion lets out a little protest, a half-laughed hey! before stepping back to avoid his hair being messed up more. “You promise, though?” He asks. “What you said before?”

“I do,” Edyn says, “and we never break promises.”

The smile she gives him is tired, but genuine. And despite everything – despite the fear the Elders are right, that Gillion will never be a true Champion, despite the fear and uncertainty and exhaustion and worry – Gillion smiles back, and Edyn knows everything is worth it.

[pondjrwi]

Just Roll With It Recap

Riptide Episode 8 and 9 - A Hero’s Burden and A Victorious Banquet

- Chip wants Julian to go ahead so he’s in more danger than Chip. Jay points out that he just told Gillion not to kill people. Chip says this is not the same. The door of the hut welcomes them and says that only one person can go in. Chip and Jay want to send Julian, but Gillion immediately jumps in. 

- The room is very finely decorated. A handsome and well-dressed purple-skinned tiefling sits at the table. 

???: “Take a seat. Let’s make a deal.”

Gillion: “Only if the deal is to free this town that you have put under your spell.”

???: “Is that what you have been told? Or is that what you want?”

- Gillion refuses to take a seat. He says that he knows about the deal the mayor made, and that the tiefling must answer for his crimes. The tiefling looks at his wrist which has no watch, and says the mayor's life is ticking away. He reveals his name is Niklaus Hendrix, and that he’s called the wish doctor (he can also be called desire daddy). He also already knows Gillion’s name.

- Niklaus reveals that he only made the straightforward deal the mayor said, that the town would be prosperous and he’d lose what he valued most. But there are side effects with his deals based on the person who made them with him. The mayor is the source of the curse. One of his options is to kill the mayor. The other option: If Gillion wants to save everyone, he needs to make a deal with Niklaus. But he’ll owe Niklaus a favor in the future. 

Gillion: “You said if the will of the one making the wish is not pure there will be side effects, what is the mayor’s vice?”

Niklaus: “You will get all of your answers, if you accept the deal or not. A magician doesn’t tell his secrets. And a doctor doesn’t work for free.”

- Niklaus brings out a magic mirror, showing the mayor alone in the forest. He’s holding his stomach, coughing up black ooze. Gillion casts detect good and evil, but gets nothing.

Niklaus: “Well that’s because I’m not evil. I simply like a good story.”

- Chip tries to shave Julian’s hair. 

- Gillion asks if Niklaus dies, the effects of his wishes goes away. He says yes. Gillion attacks him and his eyes glow bright green. Gillion immediately goes down with 39 points of psychic damage. 

- As he’s unconscious, he has a vision. He’s a few years younger, in his chambers in the undersea, with his sister. She’s comforting him after a long day of failure. 

Edyn Tidestrider: “You’ll get it eventually.”

Gillion: “It’s been so long, and I feel as if I were going to get it it would have clicked already. And yet it never does, despite… It should, it should be me, they say it is.”

Edyn: “Have you ever thought about it not mattering what they say? I know, Gillion, that you’re special. And that you’ll do great things, whether it’s for the prophecy or not. This is a lot of weight on you. Don’t let it crush you.”

Gillion: “It’s my job to stand under that weight and hold it no matter how heavy it gets. Sometimes those words I say don’t feel like the truth. I worry, Edyn… what if you’re right, and what if I don’t need to listen to them, and what if this isn’t even me? I think that scares me more than failing again.”

- He cries and hugs her. 

- Then, suddenly, he comes back up with 1 hp. Niklaus is standing over him. Gillion asks if that could be a warmup, and Niklaus says no. Gillion will make the deal. 

Gillion: “What is one more burden?”

- Niklaus magically brands the shape of a crescent moon with the letters “NK” on Gillion’s wrist. He flicks a finger and Gillion flies out the doorway and lands onto Chip. A bird cage flies out with him. Inside is a little rat. Gillion kneels down next to the cage and says “Abigail?”. The rat stops stares up at him. Julian, however, thinks that it’s just a rat. 

- Gillion explains what happened. Chip is surprised that he lost and concerned about the deal. The plains and Niklaus’ hut fades out into the forest. 

- They hear a coughing. The rat runs off towards the noise. As it’s running, it animorphs into a halfling girl. They reach the mayor, laying down coughing. He coughs up a huge glob of black ooze that slowly dissipates into mist. Abigail cries over her father and Gillion heals him. 

- The mayor stabilizes. Chip and Gillion make sure Julian’s pompadour is good before he runs out from behind the tree and hugs Abigail. Gillion explains that the curse should be gone, and Chip wants his money. The mayor reveals that he was deceiving them, and that Niklaus had told him that he would be relieved of the deal if he brought the party to him.

- Abigail reveals that she had followed her father when he first made the deal. He was selfish, and he wanted the town to be better for himself. Once her father left, she pleaded with Niklaus to keep him alive. Niklaus accepted and turned her into a rat. She heard him talk about his plans in that cage, and it seemed as though when he heard the party had arrived, a new, more interesting contrast was heading his way.

Chip: “All of you caused this problem. And it wasn’t our problem. But now-” [he holds up Gillions wrist] “it is.”

- Jay aggressively points out that all this would be solved if the mayor had died. She also demands that the mayor give them money and a boat. Gillion says that he was going to kill the mayor, but only Chip and Jay dissuaded him. He’s glad he did not.

The Mayor: “I can see now the error of my path, the darkness I was going towards as a person. And I would’ve at one point I had even forgotten about my daughter. I’m sorry Abigail, that this ever happened, and that you would do something to try to protect me. It’s all my fault.”

- Jay rolls insight, finding out that he’s being genuine, and that his brush with death left him scarred. Gil wants his friends to kill him before he does any evil for the favor. Chip tries to lick off his tattoo. Jay rolls history to know that the crescent moon (of the tattoo) represents corruption. Apparently, Julian is a carpenter and Abigail is a designer (who can make ships), and that’s how they met. They can make the party a ship. Jay kneels down next to the mayor.

Jay: “And you. I think you should resign from mayor after all this. You don’t deserve this position. You know how much suffering you put the people through, your own daughter through? You don’t deserve this position.”

- The mayor agrees while crying. Gillion decides that Julian should be the new mayor and knights him. Jay doesn’t think Julian is competent enough. She tells the mayor that she sees genuine good in him, but that he needs to do a lot of work. The mayor says that the other two don’t deserve her.

- A bug bites Gillion and he goes unconscious. Chip and Jay draw on his face. 

- They get back to the town and see that everyone’s okay again. Chip tries to get money out of the crowd but he rolls a 1 and they hate him. Julian gives a speech about how the pirates saved the town, and how he’s the new mayor. The whole town has a huge party celebrating everyone’s freedom.

[poly-pirates-my-beloved]

Okay so I genuinely have a dnd group now and I want to relay the first session to you guys because I think you will get a kick out of it so character wise we have Edyn (my PC) who yes I stole the name from Ms. Tidestrider herself, anyway very low intelligence but she’s hot as fuck, absolute dommy mommy as we have been saying, we have a always drunk artificer and other artificer who is just annoying and keeps trying to drink cursed water we found, and we have an anarchist rouge as well as a man for hire who really wants to fuck the captain who hired us, our current mission is to lead a cartographer, who’s name is Jonathan, through a newly discovered island which he needs to map, in this session Edyn has missed every attack she attempts to do, most of which were with her whip she has, and already failed a death save, and the rest of the party has been nothing short of chaotic between out constantly drunk artificer trying to gain ingredients through immoral means and our man for hire really wanting to fuck our captain, anyway our NPC’s so far are a dragonborne who is our captain it’s also confirmed his dick is so big it has a gravitational pull, we don’t know too much about him other than he is extremely hot, and Jonathan which I have made one of Edyns goals to either fuck him or to try and get him to fall in love with her because I feel like it, anyway he actually attempted to help Edyn stop dying first and while he failed it’s appreciated he also upon her being one shotted by a spider immediately ran at it and attacked it so like he can actually do things, he’s also actually a caring character who was really only pissed off at our drunk for his immoral methods of gaining ingredients and even those two reconciled eventually, we had ended the session over dinner while me and the drunk explained our stories to Jonathan