#save me british vroom vroom man

[lovelylotusf1]

Just came back from a seminar on British pronounciation.

The fact that I thought about how George would pronounce the words says a lot about me. F1 brainrot is real and I have it.

[fly-pow-bye]

What’s Airing On Cartoon Network (November 2019)

The Futon Critic updated with Cartoon Network’s listings for November, featuring the return of Apple & Onion, the return of Total Dramarama, a Craig of the Creek special, and more! See it after the break!

Apple & Onion

November 2nd:

Apple's Focus - Apple helps Onion achieve his dream of competing on a baking show. Includes special guest Sue Perkins (Great British Bake Off). (9:30 AM)

Lil Noodle - Apple and Onion must remain legit enough to be in their favorite rapper's music video. Includes special guest Timothy DeLaGhetto. (9:45 AM)

Gyranoid of the Future - Apple and Onion struggle to ride Gyranoid of the Future, the craziest roller coaster at the carnival. (10:00 AM)

Fun Proof - Apple and Onion want to become this week's "Most Fun People". (10:15 AM)

November 9th:

Whale Spotting - Apple and Onion need to join an exclusive club to see a rare whale. (9:30 AM)

Heatwave - Apple and Onion try to spread cheer during a city-wide heatwave. (9:45 AM)

Apple's in Charge - Apple is put in charge of the Dollar Store for the very first time. (10:00 AM)

Burger's Trampoline - Apple and Onion must find a way to use Burger's trampoline without making him feel used. (10:15 AM)

November 16th:

Baby Boi TP - Apple needs to acquire a lifetime supply of toilet paper to finish his modern art sculpture. (9:30 AM)

Not Funny - With their 6 month friend anniversary approaching, Apple has to find a way not to lose his best friend. (9:45 AM)

November 23rd:

Onionless - Apple tries to survive a weekend alone while taking care of Onion's plant. (9:30 AM)

Party Popper - Apple and Onion's party plans are interrupted by a grumpy guest. (9:45 AM)

November 30th:

Face Your Fears - Apple and Onion must face their fears while trapped in a pet shop, so they can save French Fry from facing hers. (9:30 AM)

Apple's Short - Apple needs to be tall so that he can be in love. (9:45 AM)

Bakugan: Battle Planet

November 3rd:

Happy/One Way or Another - Happy: The AO expect a fight in Brakistan, but soon discover that old enemies Lord Brakken, Magnus, and Nillious are unnaturally happy to see them./One Way or Another: In the heat of emotions, Shun convinces Lord Brakken that his usual enemies are the best allies he has to sequester a renegade Core Cell. (7:00 AM)

November 10th:

Stormy Weather/Who Can it Be Now - Stormy Weather: On a flight to their next Core Cell mission, the AO's plane falls under attack by Pyravian, who strangely believes the team to be Bakuzon./Who Can It Be Now: The AO find themselves in a battle against the Bakuzon forces of Tiko that upends everything they thought they knew about Core Cells. (7:00 AM)

November 17th:

In My Room/An Army of Their Own - In My Room: When the AO report that they've been fighting the wrong fight, they discover that Benton has been corrupted by the villainous Tiko./An Army of Their Own: The AO are forced to turn to Philomena Dusk for help, only to realize that they have led Benton/Tiko right to the AAAnimus Campus. (7:00 AM)

November 24th:

Calling All Parents/Nowhere to Turn - Calling All Parents: When the parents of the world are turned against their children and confiscate their Bakugan, the AO must seek out the Rowdy Reds./Nowhere to Turn: While the AO attempt to gain allies and warn other children, Wynton is confronted by Armstrong Tripp, who now works for Benton Dusk. (7:00 AM)

Ben 10 (2016)

November 2nd:

My Bodyguard - When Zombozo hypnotizes Grandpa Max's entire baking class it is up to Ben and Gwen to clean up the mess, but it gets even messier when Zombozo unveils his new bodyguard: Kevin 11! (12:00 PM)

Wheels of Fortune - Team Tennyson's thrift store shopping is ruined by the latest high-speed heist of LaGrange - who is now aided by a super-fast electromagnetic racing car - and Ben must convince Kevin 11 to help stop the speed demon's globetrotting robbing spree. (12:15 PM)

November 9th:

Heat of the Moment - After Ben easily dispatches the Weatherheads, Team Tennyson travels to a ski resort for some fun in the snow but when Ben runs into the Weatherheads yet again, this time they are a force to reckon with. (12:00 PM)

Vin Diagram - When Ben sees Vin Ethanol impressed with Kevin's automotive know-how, Ben's jealousy has him convinced that he has to out-do Kevin before the older boy influences Vin to embrace his bad-guy side at a charity race. (12:15 PM)

November 16th:

A Sticky Situation - All Ben wants to do is stop Queen Bee from robbing a bank, but when Kevin shows up to try and be the hero and take all the glory himself, Ben will need to save the day twice or end up in hot honey. (12:00 PM)

What Rhymes with Omnitrix? - At a poetry slam event, Charmcaster's reading of Kevin's poetry causes magical trouble for Ben and Gwen, causing mind swaps that have everyone confused as to who's fighting who. (12:15 PM)

November 23rd:

You Remind Me of Someone - Ben and Gwen look for the infamous Bojamboo (the Bigfoot of the South) and discover that it's actually the Forgeti, at the same time as Kevin 11, but when Ben and Kevin are blasted with the Forgeti's forgetfulness mist, they reverse roles and it's up to Gwen and Max to restore them back to normal. (12:00 PM)

Adrenaland Jr. - Team Tennyson visits the safety-neutered version of Adrenaland known as "Adrenaland Jr.", only to end up facing off against a bitter Kevin 11, out to destroy everyone else's good, and safe, time. (12:15 PM)

November 30th:

Steam Fight at the OK Corral - When Kevin convinces Steam Smythe to adopt a modern approach in fighting Ben, our young hero must resort to old-fashioned thinking to save the day. (12:00 PM)

I Don't Like You - Ben and Gwen's social media battle with Kevin 11 quickly escalates into an all-out war in real life. (12:15 PM)

Craig of the Creek

November 23rd:

Craig and the Kid's Table (Half-Hour Special) - It's a Williams Family Thanksgiving, which means it's time to reunite The Kid's Table! But when Bernard accidentally destroys dessert, Craig uses the power of the Kids Table to help save his brother from certain grounding. (10:00 AM, half hour)

Teen Titans Go!

November 9th:

Teen Titans Vroom (Half-Hour Special) - In this episode of "Turbo Titans Go Force" the Titans gain the ability to transform into cars. Then, in the exciting conclusion of "Turbo Titans Go Force" the Titans must learn to work together to stop Dr. Military. (10:30 AM, half hour)

November 27th:

Beast Boy's That's What's Up - Beast Boy goes to visit the Doom Patrol. Beast Boy, Negative Girl, and Robotman discover some crabs are up to no good. Cyborg becomes inseparable from Robotman. It's time for Beast Boy to leave, but the Doom Patrol try to get him to stay. (6:00 PM)

Total Dramarama

November 2nd:

Mutt Ado About Owen - After accidentally hypnotizing Owen into being a dog, Harold thinks he must reverse the hypnosis to avoid going to jail. (9:00 AM)

Simons Are Forever - Duncan and Leshawna try to take advantage of Izzy's love for the game of Simon Says. (9:15 AM)

November 9th:

Stop! Hamster Time - Owen takes over the job of caring for the class hamster and learns that he's evil. (9:00 AM)

Driving Miss Crazy - Duncan leads Beth to believe she's broken his battery-powered bike and makes her chauffeur him around in a wagon for the day as punishment. (9:15 AM)

November 16th:

Weiner Takes All - After forgetting to book a Hot Diggity Doggity Dog mascot on National Hotdog Day, Chef tries to pass off an Australian man dressed as a kangaroo as a substitute. (9:00 AM)

Apoca-lice Now - When Chef brokers a truce with lice by selecting three kids to "host" them on their heads, Courtney instigates a kid vs. lice war. (9:15 AM)

November 23rd:

Gnome More Mister Nice Guy - When the daycare gets taken over by evil gnomes, Duncan finds himself on the wrong team. (9:00 AM)

Look Who's Clocking - When Harold's warnings not to mess with the clock go ignored, the kids are forced to save themselves when Duncan tears a hole in the fabric of time. (9:15 AM)

November 30th:

Harold Swatter and the Goblet of Flies - After finding what he believes to be a magic wand, Owen accidentally turns Harold into a housefly. (9:00 AM)

Stink. Stank. Stunk. - When a skunk comes seeking its annual revenge on Chef, Duncan sees it as an opportunity to get a vacation from daycare. (9:15 AM)

Transformers Cyberverse

November 2nd:

Spotted - As the Autobots prepare for an attack, Cheetor struggles to find his place amongst the tight-knit group. (6:30 AM)

November 9th:

Secret Science - Shockwave kidnaps Wheeljack to help the Decepticons find Starscream, but he underestimates the wily Autobot inventor. (6:30 AM)

November 16th:

Infinite Vendetta - The Autobots and Decepticons are surprised by the sudden arrival of two bots locked in a millennia long feud. (6:30 AM)

November 23rd:

I Am the Allspark - Starscream unleashes the ultimate attack on the Autobots and Decepticons. (6:30 AM)

November 30th:

Escape from Earth - The Autobots have the Allspark! Now they just have to get it off Earth. (6:30 AM)

[cutegirlmayra]

Hey there girl! How ya doing? I hope things are going alright for ya~ So, here's the scenario: Sonic has to work as a spy for GUN to save the world and this gets Amy pretty swoony and giggly lol. Sonic notices and teases her, making it a bit fun with some British mannerism here and there (here we go down that AU route! Vroom vroom! XD) I can't wait to see what make of this x'D sorry if it's confusing! (Ily hehehe)

(x)I hope you don’t mind, I’m going SO AU with this XD

British mannerisms, omg, I got this on standby, let me just pull it out real quick and-

Prompt:

“Sonic, you’re the only one that billionaire will trust inside his deluxe super suite. Since you’re famous, and an animal, he’ll be more likely to trust you than a normal human. We’ve equipped you with-”

“A dapper lookin’ suit.”

“….Ehem, with specialized gadgets and a microphone in your ear. This way, we’ll have constant communications-”

“You can have constant communication with your eyes alone~”

“…W-who is that?” The woman turned to a man behind her, who briefed her on who Amy Rose was, and why she was in the crowd.

“She’s his escort into the party, where were hoping only Sonic gets the invitation to go to the targets floor…”

“R-right…” she turned back to Sonic, seeing him standing and looking pretty sharp, a confident, egoistical look on his face, as one eye was drooped and the other looked ready to hear more briefing, but getting bored of just standing around with his hands behind his back.

“Well, Sonic. You’ll be entilted to all the rights of a spy, meaning all the dangers too.”

“Ehem, s’cuse me? I heard a rumor of espionage and I’m pretty sure my badge is fake. Could you have your new recruit search me for concealed weapons?”

The woman twitched an eyebrow up, having it quiver for a moment before anger marks flared on her forehead, and the man behind her sweat dropped.

“We need you to feed us direct link while alone with him, get as much data as you can-”

“You can be a fly on my wall~”

“SO THAT WHEN THE TIME COMES, WE CAN-”

“You can track my every move, so long as you promise to take me out quietly~”

“OKAY, THAT’S IT!” she pulled out a gun as the men swarmed her, trying to keep her calm as Amy giggled.

Sonic rolled his eyes, “I got this.” he puffed up his suit jacket’s collar a bit and walked over to Amy in the crowd, leaning on the rail.

“Miss Rose, you’re making my mission rather difficult. I would highly advise you to keep your facts to yourself.” he winked to her, giving her the best british voice he could as she swooned, before jumping over it and taking her arm, waving to the people with another wink.

“Got it! Dangerous, super stealthy, and keep Amy under control. I’ve got this.” he shrugged, and then took off for the mission.

Walking into the party, Sonic kept up the act of ‘super spy’ as he talked in his headset.

“Amy, do you copy?”

“That melodious british accent is starting to take it’s toil on my delicate nature~” Amy placed a hand to her heart, before sipping a bit of her drink and looking around, distant from him.

“Heh. You’re far more bold than I would suppose a proper lady to be~” Sonic dropped his voice a bit, melting her even more with his deep, suave tone.

“Emm… Has anyone ever told you you’re quite the charmer.” Amy did her impression of a british woman, as he had to cover his chuckle and place his hands together and lean on the bar, closing his eyes as his smile was perfectly hidden behind his hands.

He opened his eyes, “Have you spotted him yet?”

“Not yet, love. But patience always kept the bird’s up before morning break.”

“What? Do they queue all day for that nasty little worm?” His british was spot on then, and Amy had to hold in a squee, even hearing the british word for ‘waiting in a line’ made her think Sonic knew more accents than she did.

“How did you do that so well?” she chimed, walking around now and pretending to socialize, as she suddenly spotted the man.

She flipped her beautifully dress to the side, walking away from him but acting like she was high aristocratic, dragging her trail around.

“You look positively radiant.” Sonic saw her at the corner of his eye as he was also searching, but hadn’t spotted her yet.

“You saw that little flare, did ya?” she went back to her american accent, before smirking and tilting her head to the side, “He’s that way.”

“Bbbzzz, Sonic? Do you read us? The party’s almost over!”

“Don’t worry, we’ve got this.”

Sonic maneuvered himself through the crowd, getting to the man.

“Excuse me.”

“Oh, pardon me.”

“Ah! Are you..?”

Sonic smiled, waiting for it.

“Sonic The Hedgehog!”

“The one and only.” he bowed, politely as Amy listened in on their conversation, turning her back to them and ordering another drink of water.

“Wow! I would have never thought my invitation would reach you! Well, considering you don’t truly own an address.” he gestured out, before turning to his friends. “I had to send it to each of his friends, for good measure.”

They chuckled like gentlemen, before he pulled Sonic in under his arm a moment, “I have an exciting proposition for you! But before I get to that, you must show me your moves with women!”

“W…Women?” Sonic sweat dropped under his arm-lock a bit, speaking through a gritted smile that looked completely faked and forced.

“Why yes! Someone as dashing and charming as the one known as the ‘hero’ of the whole planet must have some good pick-up lines!” The man patted his back, as the G.U.N soldier spoke again in his ear.

“Bbbzz-Sonic? This is clearly a trap. He’s trying to determine whether to use you or get rid of you. You have to prove some form of loyalty, go ahead and impress him! bttzzz…”

“Ehem.” Sonic cleared his throat, before looking nervous, that’s when Amy’s voice also cleared on the microphone.

He looked over her way, as she stuck out her leg with her high heels, and positioned herself to look very appealing.

Sonic smiled, and turned confidentially to the men.

“Do you see that pink delight? Sitting up near that table over there?”

Sonic flicked his head her way as the men stared, before their eyes caught her leg and stared a moment.

“I’ll have her madly in love with me by the end of this dance.” he took a waiter’s drink, drank it, turned around and spat it out quietly as he hated the taste and put it back on the tray, before walking through the crowd to her.

“I hate to intrude~” Sonic sat by her, letting her leg stay up on the chair next to her.

She grinned to him, motioning her drink in a swirling motion.

“Are you going to have me in love by one dance alone, Sonic?” She dipped the cup over her face to make her look alluring, before drinking it and letting the mystery carry over for the onwatchers, knowing they were looking.

She moved her upright leg down and moved to the seat it was once on, closer to Sonic, and put an arm around him.

“Is this too fast?” she seemed to worry a moment, but Sonic just wrapped an arm around her waist, making her lose her feminine touch of british grandeur and blush.

“Amy…”

“I am fast.” 

Getting up, the two walked to the dance floor.

After almost forgetting the mission from how much fun they were having dancing, Amy having to same him from some bad footwork that she then made look fancy, Sonic brought her over to the man.

“Gentlemen, meet my new friend.” he looked down to her, as she shook out her quills and laughed, hanging off of Sonic like her usual love-sick doting.

The men were amazed, she was fawning like normal, but they didn’t know that.

“He’s quite the man, Mister.” she lowered her voice to be more mature, suddenly putting Sonic’s mind in a bit of bafflement.

He stared down at her as she performed her little illusion.

“He’s quite the treat for a party. Tell me, are you planning to keep him around?” she looked back up at his eyes, enchanting the men at how dearly in love she looked.

Sonic smiled, genuinely this time, because he knew that look was pure Amy, and not some act.

“You are a sight.” he shook his head, speaking in a lower whisper, but seeming slightly touched at her honesty in how she was swooning for him.

“Hee.” she giggled, before leaning closer and being just loud enough for the men to hear her. “That’s not the only sight I can offer…~” she then moved closer, letting him know the implied meaning before whisking herself away, hearing the G.U.N soldier applaud her before telling her to get out of there.

Sonic was frozen a moment, before the Soldier shouted out for him to speak and get a grip.

“Ehem, quite the woman.” Sonic tried to continue, but his mind was racing on how Amy had never acted that way before. He put his hands in his pockets after scratching his head a moment, looking off after her as the men actually opened their mouths in amazement.

She was dolled up alright, but the fact that her usual ‘innocent’ nature could so easily be twisted by her made his brain almost stutter at the new.

If she wanted to be… she could be quite…

“Splendid, Mr. Hedgehog.” the man, almost looking slightly jealous at how well that went, drank his drink to avoid the slight frustration in his voice. “I won’t lie, I was hoping for some form of struggle from her.”

“Most do try, but as always, they fail at truly hiding their… excited… feelings.” Sonic nodded, before stepping closer to the men. “Forgive me for intruding on the topic with another of my own, but… Wasn’t there something you’d like to discuss with me?” he was trying to be smooth with the transition, even going for an overall appeal, but his abruptness made the men stare a moment, as the man he was targeting put his glass down on the bar.

“My, they weren’t kidding when they said you were restless. Zipping from one thing to another and unable to remain quaint and still.” The man was leaning on the bar before getting up, motioning his finger in a zig-zag to show how Sonic lept around so much.

“Manners, Hedgehog! bbtttz…”

“You’ll have to forgive my quick nature, I’m not one to queue around for an answer.” he kid, as his charm got the men back on his side.

The target laughed, “Alright, Mr. Hedgehog. Then we’ll move straight to business! I wouldn’t want to keep you from your … charming new conquest, now do I?”

The men put an arm around him and led him up to the target’s floor… just what G.U.N wanted.

“Be safe… Sonic.”

Amy’s voice was in his microphone, going back to her usual self, as Sonic thought about her a moment but couldn’t talk back to her right now, not in the mist of danger…

“I’ll be waiting for you… like I always do.”

He closed his eyes as he walked into the elevator.

Thank you… Amy.

Another prompt based upon this one (x)

[florianwirtz]

rules: post photos of 8 ppl u have a crush on/are attracted to (other ppl might notice patterns in ur attraction you dont)

HI HELLO I was tagged by @musialawirtzrichten for doing this crush thing and I feel like after she explained every of her crushes in detail, I need to do the same lmao although nobody asked + it’s an attempt to save my reputation for some choices also I need to clarify that my crushes sometimes last like 3 months max. and then just completely fade away so if you ever saw me crushin’ on another average white man that wasn’t listed here no you didn’t ❤️

I’m also tagging @zalimaaa @stydiaherondale @leahwilliamson @lightsovermonaco sorry if I annoy you with my bs, feel free to ignore this but I’m genuinely curious about your lists <3

2. Pierre Gasly: okay I already see some of you coming at me with their pitchforks bc I caught feelings for a white french man and all I can say that I’m sorry okay 😭 it’s this pic especially that makes my heart go vroom vroom, mainly the floppy hair and literally his whole personality is him being the most wholesome man in the mf world who also went through hell but picked himself up despite everything. Can y’all tell that I’m a sucker for stories like these and I ain’t even ashamed to tell you that I want a man like him 😫

3. Dean Henderson: mkay so I have to clarify that it’s not his looks that attract me the most but rather his whole story and personality. Like he’s a united fan since he’s been young? Check. Came through the academy and said he’s united through and through. Check. Being United’s number 1 is his dream? Check. I can’t express how much pride I feel when academy players come through because most of them, are just like us, fans who live and bleed for this club. They f*cking get it ❤️ yeah I’m aware that he’s just another dumb looking british white man you can find in every pub but I’ve been falling for this trap for a long time, you should be aware by now. Also for me, his first season in the epl was his peak but I’m not gonna choose a pic from this time, fuck sheffield united.

4. Daniel Ricciardo: when I say i hate men, I don’t mean him because men like him are the reason why I’m not homoromantic. Like wtf, he’s the embodiment of everything you wish in a man??? He’s funny, attractive, drinks his respect women juice every single day and being in his presence alone would make the world a better place. I friggin despise everything associated with red bull, no matter which sport but thank you rbr for creating all this team wear just to make him look like a whole ass snack bc if he looks like this, i’d let him step on me and say thank you??

FINALLY THE GIRLS, they are all goddesses and I ain’t ashamed of crushing on any woman, so all texts are very similar, i just love women tysm

FINALLY THE GIRLS, they are all goddesses and I ain’t ashamed of crushing on any woman, so all texts are very similar, i just love women tysm

5. Lotta Ökvist: I really miss our girl at United :( but ever since she’s been freed from us, she’s been living her life, she won a trophy, has been playing regularly and is playing uwcl next season! All I can say is that I’m jealous of her boyfriend because she’s just the sweetest and also so pretty, pls i wanna be like her 😭

6. Jorja Smith: not only the human incarnation of a goddess but also a musical genius. I don’t think I need to explain to you how fuckin pretty she is but I also wanna tell you how much her music means to me. Been listening to her new EP on repeat for a while and I almost cried when I saw her live because not only was the show a blast but she is also the sweetest and I will never forget how big she smiled when she saw us singing along to every song (it was a festival).

7. Sabrina Carpenter: loml since 2016. I never knew her stuff she did for disney and only discovered her through her music. And y’all have been sleeping on her as an artists because she’s been releasing banger after banger for years now!! She can also rock every look and with every pic she posted of herself on insta, I should’ve known I’m not straight!!

8. Jade Thirlwall: along with Lauren Jauregui, one of the other women that made me question my sexuality. She literally looks peng all the time but when you actually follow her social media, you realise she’s also the most hilarious person. 😭 she’s so relatable and I aspire to have her energy one day. <3

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 1st April 2018 [for real this time]

This is a big week! Drake is no longer at the top spot. Let’s see what is!

Top 10

It took an all-star cast to break Drake – except it didn’t, because “God’s Plan” is at number-ten. All it took was a sub-par streaming week. “These Days” by Rudimental featuring Jess Glynne, Dan Caplen and Macklemore, runner-up for nine weeks,  takes the number-one spot.

“Paradise” by George Ezra moves up three spots to number-two.

“Feel it Still” by Portugal. The Man is feeling still at number-three.

“Friends” by Marshmello and Anne-Marie also stays steady at number-four.

That’s the good news. Now here’s the bad news: Up 11 spots, at number five, is “Freaky Friday” by Lil Dicky featuring Chris Brown, Ed Sheeran, DJ Khaled and Kendall Jenner... I suddenly want to listen to XXXTENTACION’s “SAD!”. I wonder why.

Oh, yeah, thanks to the video, “Psycho” by Post Malone featuring Ty Dolla $ign moved up two spaces to number-six.

As does “The Middle” by Target—I mean, Zedd and Grey featuring Maren Morris at number-seven.

“This is Me” is down a single space, with the Keala Settle and The Greatest Showman Ensemble track now at number-eight.

More bad news: “Lullaby” by Sigala featuring Paloma Faith moved four spaces, breaching the top 10 at number-nine.

And finally, as I mentioned prior, “God’s Plan” at Drake has taken a nine-space loss to number-ten. Rest in peace.

Climbers

Nothing happened.

No, I’m serious, it’s not just hyperbole for a slow week. Nothing notably moved up outside of the top ten this week other than a few one-spot hikes. Geez. It’s good we have four new arrivals, otherwise this’d be a very short episode.

Fallers

I wish the same applied here because there are some hefty drops for great songs here, like “IDGAF” by Dua Lipa taking a huge leap of faith down to #17, 11 spaces away from last week. “All the Stars” are not closer to the top spot this week, with the Kendrick Lamar and SZA track dipping 15 positions to #25. We also have “For You (Fifty Shades Freed)” by Liam Payne and Rita Ora dropping five spaces to #34 but whoever cared about that song? The only other notable fall here is “Moonlight” by XXXTENTACION off the debut, falling seven spaces to #38. I’m surprised it didn’t drop off completely honestly. Talking about dropouts...

Dropouts

Wow... finally, “New Rules” by Dua Lipa, former chart-topper, drops out from #38. The norm has been shaken today, it seems, and Dua Lipa’s having an especially bad week. “Supermarket Flowers” by Ed Sheeran also gets knocked out from #34 after its return a few weeks prior. “River” by Eminem featuring Ed Sheeran as well as “Barking” by Ramz drop out from #37 and #39 at the end of their impressive top 40 runs. There’s no returning entries this week, however, so let’s get straight to the new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Vroom” – Yxng Bane

I’m not the only one who immediately thought of Childish Gambino when I saw this on the charts, right? Even if you didn’t, don’t expect that level of wit here, all we’ve got is a melodic autotune abuser with inflections and lyrics that should make you roll your eyes. The echoes every line in the verse are very cheaply-executed and seem very unnecessary, as do the Ricky Martin references in the pre-chorus. The instrumental is a nice fusion of trap snares and more tropical synths and even steel pans, resembling Drake’s production on “Fake Love” as Yxng Bane interpolates “Gimme the Light” by Sean Paul in the bridge, and ruining a song I never really liked in the first place (but can admit it had a nice hook). Apart from the chuckles you’ll get from corny car/girlfriend comparisons, you won’t get any enjoyment out of this until three minutes in, where a smooth as silk guitar solo damn near saves the whole song. Too bad it only lasts for that last minute.

#35 – “Shotgun” – George Ezra

Set to disappoint me again is George Ezra, with an album cut off his sophomore effort that I probably will not bother with. Has this track persuaded me to take a listen? Not really – in fact, it’s just turned me off even more with its reverb-heavy percussion and clouds of synth snooze, as well as the anti-climactic hook and Ezra’s only serviceable experience. It does pick up when more elements are added, like the acoustic guitar melody and the chirping trumpets that really do add a sense of urgency to the otherwise badly-mixed track. It just doesn’t seem to live up to its title that much – it should be less relaxed, right? It should at least be faster and more interesting or exciting. However, it does not really get there, in fact, it probably gets less worthy of its title as it fades away, leaving the trumpet solo to never truly conclude. It’s not bad and I’m not mad, it’s just disappointing and I’m rather disappointed.

#30 – “Lost in Japan” – Shawn Mendes

The piano melody that starts off this track is tasty, nay, delicious, but that does not matter in the slightest because somehow, Shawn Mendes has found a way to rip off Charlie Puth and become better than him infinitely. This is smooth funk with fitting handclaps, a groovy bassline and some of Mendes’ best performances vocally, as well as the return of that tasty piano to build up to nothing more than more funk. It’s danceable but not maximalist. Sometimes a good bassline, steady falsetto riff and the occasional electric guitar lick is all you need for a good time, and a good song at that. Who wants to be lost in the woods with Bon Iver when you can be lost in Japan with Shawn Mendes? This is surprisingly low-key but magnificent in its subtlety. Well freaking done, Mendes.

#13 – “In My Blood” – Shawn Mendes

I’ve already heard this song. I tweeted after my listen, “that new Shawn Mendes song is boring lol”. I’m still right, but what do you expect? It’s a Shawn Mendes ballad where he holds an acoustic guitar and strums while singing about his issues. That’s all you need to know. It’s not even a quality Shawn Mendes ballad where he holds an acoustic guitar and strums while singing about his issues, mostly because Mendes doesn’t seem to fit on more intense production, pulling off infuriatingly obnoxious vocal inflections over melodramatic instrumentation.

Or at least that’s what I thought, until I re-listened to “What I’ve Done” by Linkin Park... and realised that Mendes is actually pulling off a dramatic rock track pretty well here, with powerful screeches over the chorus, and an excellent guitar riff that’s simple but effective. Why did Linkin Park remind me of that, you ask? Because they both do the same thing, essentially, but I’m going to be honest, Mendes does it better than Bennington because he seems genuine and that genuineness just makes his performance all the more powerful here. The production also seems more fitting, with the anthemic hard rock instrumentation not really fitting the ballad style, but a softer, vulnerable side to not only Mendes but the direction they take the rock genre’s many tropes here just makes everything so much more believable.

Conclusion

Best of the Week goes to “Lost in Japan” by Shawn Mendes, with his other track “In My Blood” taking the Honourable Mention. Worst of the Week goes to “Vroom” by Yxng Bane, I suppose, even if its worst crime is that it’s not interesting. Dishonourable Mention goes to “Shotgun” by George Ezra for just being a bit mediocre and turning me off his new record. I hope that Panic! at the Disco debuts with “Say Amen (Saturday Night)” or “(F*** A) Silver Lining” next week because those are best-hits-of-the-year material, but they probably won’t because the British general public isn’t that much of a fan of alternative rock, as you can probably tell from the fact that Drake topped the charts for nine weeks. See ya next time!