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prismartist · 4 years ago

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Ponk’s discoveries and what they mean

Y’all haven’t been paying attention to Ponk and it shows. /lh

He has made many discoveries in his recent streams that are just begging to be talked about, and I, as the resident maker of farfetched theories, will take up the job of compiling and connecting them to the current lore.

For those who don’t know, Ponk recently built up the lore of Not A Very Good Town Town, aka the village that went mad, through a book he found in the basement of Jack’s (the potato farmer, not Manifold) Ye Old Farmhouse, written by Jack himself. And it reveals some interesting information.

There’s going to be a few sections for this post: first, breaking down what is in the journal, then theories as to what exactly happened to the village, and how these discoveries can tie into the current storyline.

The journal

For one, Jack seems to have interacted an entity that’s eerily similar to Foolish. In the first page there’s an entry that reads:

“Day 790 The strange man is back, his body made of straw but eyes of emrald.”

On the second page as well, it mentions:

“Day 800 A NEW LAND! A land that uses sand as stone! Gold.... GOLD EVERYWHERE!”

Which, of course, probably pertains to Foolish’s desert home, which also has a significant amount of gold due to the Egyptian theme.

But why would we get Foolish lore from Ponk of all people, instead of the totem god himself? Well, Ponk was the first person Foolish interacted with on the server aside from Dream, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they talked more after that and collabed for lore.

But anyways, now we move on to the more interesting section:

“Day 840 The Strange man has returned his name still unknown... BUT! he has brought a caravan of good! he talks about ancient magic and gifts 21 statues transported in make shift boats.”

Jack then goes on to describe that the statues are “calming” for him, before the next entry, written ten days later, show a disturbing shift in attitude.

“Day 855 CATS I HEAR CATS, CATS IN THE WALLS IN THE WALLS”

And another one five days later:

“DAY 900 murder... the cats murder ,,, the people I showed Shrimpy my satues he seems too intrested BUT THEY ARE MY SATUES”

Now those who saw the episode know that Jack and Bob (Shrimpy) turned out to be the murderers of the “canon round”. Seeing as those two people were the only ones exposed to the statues as we know, it’s logical to assume that the statues were the reason they went mad.

And this is backed up by the next entry:

“Day 905 SUDDEN URGE TO MURDER, THAT HELGA WOMEN IS TEMPTING BUT DAMN HER HUSBAND NEEDS TO GO BY ANY MEANS NESS…..”

Then there are two blank pages before the journal concludes

“Day 1040 Just me and Shrimpy and the cool statues life is good go od goo d g ood go odgood g oodg ood go odg good goo dgood goo dgood g ood good good good goodgoo d go od g ood go od dgo od g oo go od go o d - JACK”

It’s creepy as shit. But moving on.

There’s a lot of questions to be asked here. Why did Foolish–if it is Foolish–visit the Town? Why exactly did he gift a bunch of statues that drove Jack and Shrimpy to madness and murder? Why are there cats in the walls?

(Well, cats are very significant to Egyptian culture, even to a cult-like status, but that’s for another post.)

There are a few possibilities.

What exactly were the effects that Foolish had on the Town?

(Here’s the farfetched theories part lmao)

The simplest (and let’s be honest, the most likely) theory is that the statues probably had way too much power that caused people to become overprotective over them. Foolish just didn’t realize and wanted to give some nice gifts, but the statues drove Jack and Bob to insanity after being exposed to them for way too long. So they killed everyone.

However, considering certain factors, there is another possibility, specifically surrounding:

The “non-canon” round.

Did Karl say that it was a practice round and thus not canon? Yes. Am I suggesting it’s canon anyway for the sake of this theory that probably won’t be true? Also yes.

Besides, Karl probably also didn’t plan for TVTWM to be influential to the storyline, but because of it his character’s now a time traveler and Ponk is pulling out more lore so.

I think Foolish came by and gifted the statues, the first round did happen, and he brought them back to life after the first game. But the resurrection affected Jack and Bob, driving them to madness à la gothic horror lit character that just saw something they weren’t supposed to. Perhaps their attitude became cult-like, praising Foolish, thus the overprotectiveness over the statues as they were connected to the god, or they were of the opinion that “Hey no, everyone’s supposed to be dead,” and then sought to make that true once again.

“But then what about the first round, where everyone also died?” You may scoff at the ridiculous theory, poking my chest accusingly. “Why were the killers different?”

Well, I have a simple answer for that.

Egg.

“What, the egg again-“ I know, I know, it may seem tiring tying everything back to the egg, but hear me out.

In another one of Ponk’s streams, “Dreams of potatos?”, at 58:15 (correct me if wrong) Ponk had a dream where Mayor Jimmy was saying disjointed sentences to Jack, scolding him, telling him to stay away from Helga, and also something about burning Miles Memeington being burned at the stake for being a witch (????). At the end of it, Jimmy turned to the camera.

And his eyes were red.

Which, of course, is a telltale sign of being infected by the egg.

The egg being the main plot right now, seeing as it can easily be connected to the “Red-Eyed Village Wars”, and the fact that it is known to control people to murder, I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to point to it as being the cause.

It also helps that Jimmy was only a character from the first round; in the “canon” round, Bad had changed his character to some sort of constable or something.

So the egg may have controlled Jimmy and Cornelius, the murderers in the first round, to kill everyone, Foolish then came along, resurrected everyone murdered in the first round, gotten rid of the egg’s influence, and then left. Then whatever effects the statues had on Jack and Bob took affect.

Alternatively, the statues may have been the ones to resurrect the dead, or have been given as protection from any threats, but became haywire for one reason or another. They influenced Jack and Bob to protect the statues at any cost, and they took it too far. Which may seem a little hypocritical as the egg literally does the same thing, but fire fights fire and all that.

And, just like with Karl, if Foolish has had to deal with the egg before, it makes sense why he’s so averse to it now.

Current lore

Now, how does this tie into the current storyline? 

Aside from the egg, if resurrection and items do affect one’s psyche, then maybe that’s the same reason why Schlatt and even Dream–the only other two who know how to resurrect–acted the way they did, becoming apathetic to the wellbeing of other people.

Also, it is worth noting that in the basement where Ponk found the journal, there were 21 villagers in boats, the same amount as the statues. Thus Ponk concluded that they are the statues. And Foolish does have an affinity for villagers, if King Toad is any indication. This implies that Foolish can not only bring dead people back to life, but can also grant life to objects that never lived in the first place. Or, they were once living, but had their life taken away from them before getting it back for one reason or another. If Foolish really has this much power, it could be foreshadowing for future events where those powers will be utilized.

About the bloodvines, if Foolish has defeated them before, there’s a chance he may do it again. Unless something goes wrong and he accidentally drives a few people to madness.

(or maybe they were predisposed to madness, who knows-)

TL;DR

Foolish may have interacted with Not A Very Good Town Town before to save them from the egg and resurrect the dead, driving Jack and Bob to insanity as a consequence. Thus he could have a lot of power and will be the one to potentially defeat the egg once again.

#dream smp #dropsbyponk #foolish gamers #tales from the smp #tftsmp #mcyt #the village that went mad #dsmp #dream smp analysis #dsmp analysis #unintelligible rants #cursing #long post

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xyzcekaden · 3 years ago

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🍔 chains on the swings of the set 🍔

by airauralintensity (aka me, xyzcekaden!)

His name is Norman Midable. “But you can call me Nor.” A subversion of the guy-at-college-vies-for-Kim’s-attentions plot.

fandom: kim possible (cartoon) characters: kim possible, ron stoppable, OC (technically), wade monique and rufus in supporting roles ship: kim/ron, kim/oc genre: romance, angst, friendship themes: college au, major original character, cheating, one-sided romance, canon endgame, working through relationship problems, kim has a type word count: 6.9k chapter: 2/2 rating: T

read it below, on ffnet, or on ao3!

A/N (11.11.2021): Final part, folks! Many thanks to Molly, Joyce, and Dez for their feedback. I didn't end up incorporating most of it due to my own laziness 😅 BUT if I do, I'll just upload it in a part 3. It will involve some mild retconning, but that never hurt nobody. There are also some deleted scenes I could include as well; I'll think about it.

Also, do we feel like the story needs time stamps? Nothing major, just a more obvious indication of time passing and what month each scene takes place in. Joyce thought it might be helpful, but I'll let y'all decide.

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

~~~

Kim walks into WGSS on Monday morning with a forced calmness.

She and Nor haven't spoken since CNC on Saturday night, and why would they? They didn't have a project meeting scheduled, so why would they? Nothing of note happened on Saturday, right? So why would they?

That's been the monologue running through her brain the past two days, and it unfortunately becomes less and less convincing the more she thinks about it. (She thinks about it a lot.)

That is why when Nor comes down to sit next to her, as he always does, she is surprised.

She feels like she should say something, but why would she? Class is about to start.

Except it isn't. The professor comes in and announces today's lecture is cancelled; instead they want the students to use the class time to discuss their final projects or ask the professor any questions.

Kim and Nor, however, sit in silence. She doesn't even boot up her digitised notebook out of unwillingness for what her movement will spark next. Knowing when and where to keep still has saved her life more times than she can count.

"We're pretty far along on the project, don't you think so?"

"What?" Kim snaps her head to look at Nor, but he resolutely stares forward.

"Yeah. Thanks to you constantly on the case, I think we have a lot of research already done. Some of these guys don't even sound like they've picked a topic yet, much more got together outside of class to discuss or do work."

Kim nods, but she couldn't say. She honestly has not been paying attention to a single conversation happening around her.

Nor nods, too, but more to himself. "Right, well. Do you mind talking to the prof about it? I'm gonna head back to the dorms. I, uh, I think I need some more sleep."

He grabs his backpack and makes to leave, and Kim almost does something stupid like reaching out for him to stay. She transforms the aborted hand movement into turning on Wade's notebook.

"No big," she forces herself to say.

"Text you later," Nor bids with a wave, and Kim's eyes follow him up the stairs and out the door.

She stares at the door for a long time.

~~~

There's only one person she can talk to about this.

"Well, well, well. Look who finally made time to call her B.F.F.L."

"Monique." Kim's throat is thick with the need to cry. She rushed back to her dorm so she could have this conversation, and she is grateful for the privacy.

Monique drops her faux-affronted attitude immediately. "Oh my god, Kim? What's wrong?" Kim wishes she could see her. She should ask Wade to make a Moniq-ommunicatior.

"Monique, I messed up."

She unleashes onto her friend about Nor, about how they met and how he's weird and even how he met Igor. Mixed in there is some stuff about how she's doing fine at college but still deeply misses home. She carefully avoids mentioning Ron's name, and then she mentions last Saturday.

"Girl, you did what?!" Monique seethes into the phone.

She deserves this, she does, but she still maintains, "It was an accident! I didn't mean to do it! It doesn't mean anything! I don't even know how it happened; it was such a blur. I got out of there as soon as possible. We haven't even talked about it. Today in class, Nor, just…"

"Kim?" Monique asked when Kim was silent for too long.

She knows Monique isn't going to be happy to hear this, but she needs to talk about it anyway. "He was so different. No jokes, no nonsense. We had a one-minute conversation about the final project, and that's it. He didn't even look at me."

"Did you want him to look at you?"

"I don't know!" Kim flops backfirst onto her bed. "All I know is I don't know what to do."

"Did you tell Ron yet?"

She sits up abruptly. "No! No, I can't. Why should I? There isn't even anything between Nor and me; it'll never happen again; I—"

"Kim." The tone of Monique's voice is the exact thing Kim was dreading. "Kim, you know I would do anything for you. Heck, I've even followed you on your missions because I will always got your back. You're my girl… But Ron is my boy. I gotta do right by him, too. If there really wasn't anything between you and this Nor guy, then you wouldn't have kissed him. Your friendship wouldn't be so off right now because you'd both know how little it mattered."

Kim hates how much sense Monique is making, and she says as much.

"You have to tell Ron," Monique says, firm yet sympathetic.

Kim scrunches her eyes shut. She has to tell Ron.

~~~

"Last Saturday?! As in four days ago? Why did you wait so long to tell me!?" Ron exclaims into the Ronnunicator.

He's pacing back and forth in his bedroom, yet even then it is oddly too silent. There should be a mission command set up here with red lights and klaxons blaring. Some military man should be shouting frantically at his subordinates, demanding things like How could you have let this happen?! The pure panic in his heart demands nothing less than chaos.

On screen, Kim shrinks in the way people do when they're chastised for something that was absolutely their fault. "I was thinking! Yeah, you're my best friend/boyfriend, but why would I tell you something that will hurt you if I know that it'll never happen again?"

Ron rolls his eyes. "You think you know," he mutters to himself.

"What was that?" Kim leans forward on screen as if to hear him better, and he waves his hand in the air to dispel the thought."

"You know what tanks the most?" he says instead. "I totally knew this was gonna happen, too."

"But Ron, I'm not leaving you," Kim tries to argue, her tone begging him to understand.

"Yeah, but KP, you did cheat on me. You kissed another guy even after I told you this is something I was worried about."

"It was an accident! Seriously, Nor is just a friend; I don't even think about him like that, and—well, it doesn't matter. The point is: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Ron. I made a mistake, I broke your trust, and I want to do whatever it takes to make this right again."

Ron carries his head in the hand that isn't holding his Ronnunicator. He's very tired. He's heartbroken. He's inclined to say something he can't take back.

He forces himself to count to ten before responding. "Listen, KP," he says resignedly. "I would never tell you who you can and can't be friends with—I respect you too much for that—but this isn't like my nightmares after prom about you becoming a synthodrone. Nor has become a real, actual threat to our relationship."

He sighs, struggling to get the next words out. "I love you, Kim, and I want you to be happy. Preferably with me, but I don't get to make that decision. You let me know what you want, and I'll respect it."

Ron watches her struggle to understand something in silence. Then, in the quietest voice he's ever heard from her, she says, "Are you breaking up with me?"

He tilts his head back for a second, trying to keep the tears her question caused at bay. He looks back down after a moment and can find no comfort in the heartbreak on Kim's face.

For her benefit, and maybe a little for his own too, he gives a wan half-smile. "That's up to you."

~~~

He says they aren't broken up, but it sure feels like it to Kim. She was up all night, lachrymose and inconsolable and self-condemning. It felt a lot like being tied to a gigantic cactus in Bueno Nachos headquarters after your prom date who just dumped you turned out to be the son of your biggest nemesis and also a synthodrone—but much, much worse.

She skips WGSS the next day.

She doesn't attend any of her classes that morning, in fact. She wouldn't have left her room at all if it weren't for her growling stomach demanding to be satiated.

She should have ignored her stomach.

"Kimothy," Nor greets with a scandalised tone as he slides into the chair in front of her at the student union cafe. "Since when were you an academic deviant?"

The single statement causes a rush of emotion through her. Relief and guilt are prominent, but most of all it makes her angry. Why is he acting like nothing has changed now? Why couldn't he have done that Monday morning when she needed him most to do it? In more ways than one, she wouldn't be in this situation at all if it weren't for the stupid boy in front of her.

"Not in the mood, Nor," Kim brushes off with a frown as she hastily packs up her things. She hasn't finished her meal yet, but that's what to-go containers are for.

"Woah, woah, woah. What's going on? Where are you going?" Nor hastily follows her lead, clearly intending on following her, and she picks up the pace. She turns on her heel and accelerates from zero to fifteen in one step, and Nor abandons his food and his stuff in order to catch up to her before she escapes the student union entirely.

"Kimothy, is everything okay?" he demands as he grabs her shoulder, but she shrugs off the touch immediately.

"That's not my name!"

He holds his hands up, very reminiscent of their first meeting, and the anger in Kim's heart switches to guilty affection. The need to cry that has waxed and waned throughout the night surfaces with a vengeance, and she steadfastly looks away so Nor can't see.

"Kim." He emphasises the single syllable. "Is everything okay?"

Kim shakes her head adamantly. "I just… I made a mistake, is all."

Nor looks at her uncertainly. "Is that what this is about? Geez, you really had me worried there. Don't worry, I actually paid attention in class for once. I don't have a fancy digital notebook made by genius preteens; but if you give me a day, I can make you a copy of my notes. They're probably no good, but it's gotta be better than nothing."

Without her wanting them to, incredulous laughter spills out of Kim, as do her tears.

"Kim?!" Nor exclaims. He frantically looks around, trying to remember where the nearest bathroom is so he can get her some tissues, but he quickly abandons that idea in favour of moving them both to a nearby bench and gathering the desolate girl in his arms.

Kim wants to resist, she really does. Even as she tries in vain to stem the flow of tears, she wriggles in his hold; but Nor doesn't budge. She hates how much she's grateful for it.

This is why Ron can't trust me anymore. I can find comfort when another guy hugs me, she tries to chastise herself, but it doesn't work. She needs this right now.

After a few minutes like that, she almost feels like she could say something, but Nor beats her to it. "Was this about us?" he asks softly, but not hesitantly. It's a question, but he sounds like he already knows the answer.

With that, the arms around her transform from a blanket to a cage, and the tears dry up. Kim firmly pushes him away, and it's only her weakened emotional state that stops the action from completely compacting Nor's chest.

"There is no 'us,' Nor!" she yells. "I have a boyfriend. At least, I'm lucky if I still do! I love him, and he loves me, and he's waiting for me to pick him already!"

Nor's sympathetic face glosses over into something cold and impassive, and his voice follows suit. "Reality check, Kim. If you haven't picked him yet, that probably means there is an 'us.'"

He stalks off, leaving her on a bench and with the sudden realisation that several other students around her bore witness to their argument. She flushes with latent anger and embarrassment, and she finally escapes from the student union.

~~~

It's been a week since she's spoken to Nor. He's taken to sitting in the back of the lecture hall on the other side of the room now, and she hates how much she misses sitting next to him during class.

It's been even longer since she's heard from Ron. She leaves for Thanksgiving Break tomorrow, and she doesn't even know if Ron would want to see her at all when she goes back. As she haphazardly packs for the long weekend, she feels miserable.

A beep on her Kimmunicator is exactly what she needs right now, but she's thrown off by the knock on her door at the same time.

She answers the Kimmunicator as she gets up to answer the door, ready to ask the person outside to wait a sec, it could be a save-the-world thing. She is surprised when it's Ron on the line and Nor outside, a Bueno Nacho bag in hand.

Because Kim answered the door second, Ron gets to hear her surprised "Nor!"

"Nor is there?!" Ron exclaims exasperatedly. "That's it. I'm coming up!" He hangs up before Kim can really register what he said. She tries to redial, but he doesn't pick up.

Refusing to dwell on why something isn't working has saved her life more times than she can count; so with her first course of action summarily thwarted, Kim smoothly switches gears to deal with the secondary emergent situation. "What are you doing here?" she asks Nor, both of them still standing on their respective sides of the open door frame.

"I came bearing a peace offering," he says as he holds up the Bueno Nacho bag, "but I'm getting the sense that this branch doesn't have nearly enough olives on it for what's about to go down."

"Where did you even get that? The nearest Bueno Nacho is two towns over," Kim says in awe.

"Oh yeah, but can Bueno Nacho from the middle of nowhere compare to Bueno Nacho from your hometown kept warm in a lunchbox specially invented by our genius friend Wade so that the food is just as toasty as when Ned took it out of the fryolator, hand delivered by your boyfriend?" Ron's voice calls out with an edge, waving said lunchbox invention in the air.

Kim steps out into the hallway then, needing to verify the rapid change of events. "Ron?!"

He doesn't respond at first, instead taking the opportunity to size Nor up; and Nor does the same. Kim barely restrains an eye-roll at the typical display of machismo. "Ron, how did you get here?" she tries again.

Ron's derision melts into something tender when he faces her again, and she can't believe he's really here. "We hadn't talked in like a week, KP," he says as he reaches for her hand. "Fight or no fight, I can't spend that long without you. I called in a Favour, and I thought I'd surprise you, but it seems like you don't really need the company," he sneered, more in Nor's direction than hers.

Nor raises his hands in defeat. "Hey, I'm on your team here."

"The only people on Team Possible are Kim, Rufus, Wade, and me!" Ron interrupts jealously. "Uh-huh, uh-huh! Yeah!" Rufus pipes up from Ron's pants pocket.

Nor stares at Ron blankly. "I came by to tell Kim that I'm not tryna make her life harder than it already is. She already fights freaks every two weeks; she doesn't need to fight with her friend and boyfriend on top of that. So… here." He hands Kim the BN to-go bag and asks. "I'll see you in class?" At Ron's steely look still directed at him, he adds, "And only in class."

Without waiting for Kim's response, Nor brushes past Ron to escape the awkward atmosphere as quickly as he can.

Once he leaves the building, he stuffs his hands into his pockets. He decides to take the long route back to his dorm.

He doesn't get why Ron is so threatened. What does a nobody have on the guy who's won American Starmaker, created the Naco™, and—according to the forums—is apparently the master of some sort of monkey-based superpower which he used to save the world?

Kim wouldn't pick some scrub who is obsessed with conspiracy theories and got into college on a technicality over a guy like that. He was lucky he managed to become her friend and kiss her even once. She didn't even turn him down, not really. That's another win.

No net losses here, Midable. Quit while you're ahead.

Nor smiles self-deprecatingly to himself. Yeah, it's better this way.

~~~

They stare after Nor's retreating back in an awkward silence, and only Rufus' stomach growling brings their attention back to the situation at hand.

"Come in," Kim offers shyly.

She shuts the door behind him, and Ron can't help but compare the room he sees to the room he helped set up way back at the end of August. Aside from the open suitcase and haphazardly strewn clothes, her desk looks well-used and her walls are decorated with more school pride memorabilia that she's collected.

Kim motions to her bed, the room having a lack of suitable seating otherwise, and he hesitates. If it were two weeks ago, he'd just plop on like it were his own bed and let Kim force him to give her as much space as she needs; but it's now.

Luckily, Kim takes the lead, like she always does. It's a habit that's saved his life more times than he can count.

"We should eat before the food gets cold," she says as she sits at the edge of her bed somewhere near the middle. Ron follows her lead, like he always does.

Before she can get too far in unpacking the BN to-go bag that Nor brought, Ron deftly snatches it out of her grasp and places Wade's lunchbox invention in her newly freed hands. "Nuh-uh, Kim," he explains at her questioning look. "You get the special fryolator Middleton Bueno Nacho. I'll take one for the team and eat this imitation stuff delivered by guys that go around kissing taken girls."

Kim's face is stricken with guilt. "I'm the one who kissed him, Ron; not the other way around," she clarifies gently in defense of Nor.

As if he could ever forget.

He presses his mouth into an impassive line and looks back down at the paper bag. "Eat your nachos, Kim. We'll talk about that later."

Ron watches her unlatch the lunchbox, and she gasps. "My favourite," she comments with gratitude. She was never one for a full-on Naco, and he knows it.

He opens up the bag Nor bought and furrows his brows at what he finds inside. Anyone else would simply find chimichanga-stuffed burritos and several handfuls of free, plain nacho chips, but not Ron. He can recognise them for what they are: enough ingredients for two Nacos.

He frowns at the thought of what would have transpired if he had arrived tomorrow, had arrived just in time to bring Kim back home to Middleton like her parents originally planned. It would be Nor sitting here right now with Kim, sharing her favourite comfort food and on the brink of a heart-to-heart. The thought sits heavy in his stomach, so he passes the bag's contents to an eager Rufus, his appetite lost.

Kim notices, of course. She sets her food onto her desk and turns to face Ron, one foot tucked under her and the other dangling off the edge of the bed. "What are you thinking right now?" she asks him. She sets her hands in the space between them, close enough to his thigh to mean something but purposefully not touching just in case.

He snatches her hands into his and holds on tightly, and he's rewarded with a barely perceptible ease of her shoulders.

He doesn't know where to begin with his emotions, so instead he starts with a fact. "I'm scared of answering the phone."

Kim raises an eyebrow at the left-field response. "That's a new one," she remarks drily, intimately acquainted with the long and sundried list of Ron Stoppable's fears and phobias.

He just shakes his head, though. "I don't want to hear you on the other end. If I pick up the phone and you tell me that you've given up saving the world so that you have more time for college, or that you're leaving Middleton for good… or that you're breaking up with me—" He cuts himself off and swallows.

Kim squeezes his hand when the silence stretches just a little too long, and he raises his head to meet her green, earnest gaze. He squeezes back and forces out, "I'd have to live with the memory of your voice breaking my heart over and over again forever."

"Ron…" Kim doesn't know what to say, but Ron isn't done yet. "Kim, you cheated on me."

"Ron, I'm sorry."

"I've spent my entire life knowing you'd never let anything or anyone else hurt me, but it was you. You hurt me."

"It doesn't mean anything now, but you have to know: If I could take it back, I would. If I could go back and stop myself, I would!"

"How far back would you go?"

Kim is stunned. "What?"

He looks her in the eyes, trying to find some sort of admittance or even understanding. "Do you think the kiss is the only reason I'm upset?"

Ron's challenging tone offends her. "What else did I do?"

"Not you, but…" He leaves the implication hanging in the air, and Kim is quick on the uptake. "What's wrong with Nor?" she asks defensively.

Ron rolls his eyes. "What isn't wrong with Nor? What's he doing coming all the way here just to eat dinner with you?"

"Ron, he came here to apologise. You were there; he apologised to you, too!"

"I didn't hear the words 'I'm sorry,'" Ron harrumphs.

Kim picks up the empty Bueno Nacho bag, forcing Rufus to find a new hiding spot while his parents fight, and waves it in the air. "That's what this is!" she exclaims before frustratedly throwing it in the general direction of her trash bin.

Ron is unfazed by her dramatics. "I could tell there's been something going on since the two of you first met," he accuses.

"Why are you making it sound like I've been cheating on you behind your back for a whole semester? Nor has nothing to do with this! I am the one who messed up here."

"If you never met him, you wouldn't have kissed him! Unless—" Ron looks positively heartbroken at the thought that just struck him. "—Do you like-like him?"

Kim rolls her eyes. "Are we in middle school? No, I do not 'like-like' Nor."

"Then why are you always defending him, huh? What's so great about him that makes him worth arguing about with me?"

"He's here, Ron!"

Ron looks as surprised at her outburst as she feels for having said it, but she knows it to be true.

She takes Ron's hands again, trying to make him understand. "You and Monique are just a phone call away, and I know that, but you're a phone call away. When I hang up with you, I'm still here. Alone. Alone if not for Nor."

The inconsolable loneliness from the past week crashes back into her. She even feels out of breath, but she forces herself to continue. "After our phone call last week, I got into an argument with Nor, too. I wasn't talking to either of you, which meant I wasn't talking to anybody. I don't have other close friends here. Between saving the world and catching up on coursework, I don't have the chance to make other close friends. It's not like in high school where it's the same people I've been going to school with for my whole life, who knew me even before I became Kim Possible. It's harder here… and Nor felt easy."

She sniffs away the tears that threaten her composure. "In fact, it felt like being with you. Maybe that's why…"

She doesn't finish her sentence, but she doesn't have to. Ron gets it now. He gets all of it.

He barely has to tug for Kim to fall into his open arms. She may have found comfort in Nor's hug, but Ron's embrace means forgiveness. The familiarity and understanding and acceptance it conveys, those are far greater salves to her battered constitution. Its extended absence has caused her to forget how much she needs those.

With her head in Ron's shoulder and his warm hands clutching her body like a promise, she finally lets herself cry. The huge, heaving sobs have been begging for release ever since the stupid kiss; and from what she can feel and hear from Ron, he's in much the same state.

They lose themselves in their catharsis, and they only hold on to each other tighter as they come back into awareness and as their emotions abate.

Kim breaks the silence with a mumble into his shoulder. "I pick you, Ron."

"What?"

She lets herself out of their hold far enough to look into his eyes. They're the same shade of brown they've been since kindergarten, but the face around them has changed in ways for which puberty alone can't account. Everything about him—splotchy skin and drying tear tracks and dribble of snot from his left nostril included—is hers.

"You told me to let you know what I want, and I want you. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you."

"For a while there, KP, I didn't think you would," Ron admits.

It's the first time he's called her that since they started talking, and she knows for sure they're in a good place again. Relief crosses her face even as she confesses, "I'm sorry for making you think that, too."

Ron gives her a gentle smile, a look that takes her back to prom night. Just like then, it makes her feel like she can stop waiting. He must feel it, too, because they meet in the middle for a kiss with far more assuredness than they did that first time.

The night turns into a different kind of first time.

~~~

Ron stays over for the night (with the RA none-the-wiser), and Kim drives them back to Middleton the next day. Throughout the excitement of spending time with her family again, preparing for Thanksgiving Day, and experiencing her hometown with the fresh eyes of someone who misses it, Ron never leaves her side. They make up for lost time with talking and kissing (and other stuff) and crying and hanging out. It's almost like they're back in high school.

By the time she leaves for school again on Sunday night, they feel a lot better and more committed to each other than they did the first time they separated four months ago; and on Monday morning, Nor even sits next to her in WGSS again. It's like everything is falling back into place.

Unfortunately, that feeling doesn't last past that first class.

Even with his reinstated place to her side, there's a noticeable change between them. It's not awkward, necessarily. Just unsure, hesitant, uncertain. Her opportunity to do something about it arrives in the professor's reminder about the final project right before they dismiss class.

"How do you feel about wrapping this up well before finals week? We can just submit it as soon as we can, be done with it, and focus the rest of our time on studying for actual exams," Kim asks as she faux-leisurely packs up her bag.

"Yep, sounds good," Nor agrees easily, and Kim is so relieved she wonders whether she was making up the weird air between them earlier.

"Great! Wanna grab a study room at the library tomorrow? We could even go to that cafe down the block for dinner afterwards."

Nor shifts in his seat, and Kim realises she spoke too soon. "Listen, Kim. I made a promise to you, and I made a promise to your boyfriend. I'm not tryna break up a good thing."

"It's just dinner," Kim can't help but defend.

Nor sighs. "It's not gonna be just dinner, though. Not for me, not anymore." He gets up and ready to leave. "But yeah, tomorrow in the lib. The usual time is good." He walks away.

Like that, Nor routinely dodges all of her attempts at conversation or extracurricular engagement unrelated to their final project, regardless of the relative innocuity of the prompt, and Kim is frustrated to say the least. With a mutual understanding both of the circumstances that lead to Kim's infidelity and that Kim can never do something like that again, she has Ron's permission to continue her friendship with Nor—a friendship he seems no longer willing to be a part of.

To add injury to insult, some of the loneliness that afflicted her before Thanksgiving break returns without the option of hanging out with Nor anymore. She's friendly with a few other people, but she didn't really invest in their friendships the way she did with Nor's. She regrets listening to her advisor about postponing participation in extracurriculars until next semester, but at least she remembers she's not completely alone.

"Ron, don't get jealous, but I really need a best friend right now, not a boyfriend," she says into the phone later that week. He listens patiently as she explains Nor's behaviour and how hurt she is that Nor doesn't think he can be friends with her anymore because his stupid feelings are in the way, and she has the presence of mind to be grateful he can let himself be here for her through this.

"We're meeting again tomorrow to work on the project, and just… It sucks that the one person on this campus that I'm close to, I can't even grab dinner with him after work without feeling like crap! I'm mad at him for putting this distance between us, I'm mad at myself for putting us in this situation to begin with, I'm—ugh!" Kim ends frustratedly.

There is silence on the other end, and she knows for sure it's because Ron is waiting to make sure she is completely done. "Ron, I miss you" slips out of her mouth without any conscious effort.

"I miss you, too, KP. I wish there were some way I could help." His earnestly regretful tone is a soothing balm to her grievances, and she feels better already.

"Trust me, the fact that you're not jealin' right now way helps. Being in a fight with both of you at the same time was so the drama," she says with levity, purposefully trying to change the mood.

Ron easily picks up what she was putting down. "I thought you were the girl that can do anything?" he teases.

"Ron, haven't you heard? I can only do it all when I have you by my side," she reminds in the same tone.

"Ah-booyah." Kim can easily imagine the self-satisfied shrug of his shoulders, and she smiles.

"Hey, tell me about anything fun that happened in Smarty Mart today," she prompts. A story about a customer getting caught using a deodorant stick and putting it back on the shelf is exactly the kind of distraction she needs right now.

~~~

Their paper is honestly basically done, but Kim is still dragging her feet on it. She's sitting in front of the computer, trying to find any paragraph that could use an extra citation, or a better way to organize the flow of their argument, or literally anything.

It's not that she wants to work necessarily; but after this she's just going to go back to her dorm alone, and she doesn't want that either. (She refuses to feel pathetic about this.)

Finally, Nor breaks the silence. "Is it just me, or are we… done?" he asks with hesitant excitement.

"It definitely looks like it," Kim gripes.

"Don't be like that, Kimothy. We did some good work today! You should be proud."

His nickname for her? All of a sudden? What's going on? "I'm proud," she refutes. "Are you?"

"For sure," he says, pronouncing the words so that they rhyme. "I know I joined this class for the wrong reasons, but I'm not mad about it. Actually, this stuff would be kinda cool if we weren't being graded on it."

This is unmistakably non-work related small talk. She hops on it immediately. "Yeah! Isn't it so flawed how much the school setting pressure sucks the fun out of learning new points of view? The world is full of so many interesting people and things, but a classroom is often the only way people get to experience them—but since it's a classroom, they wouldn't want to."

"Big Academia, Kimothy. I'm telling ya." And he has, more than once. Kim giggles a little, both at the reminder and at the distinct feeling of their stalled friendship reigniting.

Nor continues, "I'm actually kinda famished… I could really go for a potager right about now."

She wishes she could join him, but she's not going to push her luck. "You should get one!" Not all of the cheer in her voice is fabricated; between that and the progress she made today, they are more than enough for her.

Nor rolls his eyes. "Kim, do you want to come with me?" he drones with a smile.

(That morning, Nor got a call from an unknown number.)

Kim's smile is slow and disbelieving. "Seriously?" she asks with hesitant excitement. Nor nods, and she shouts an eager "Yes!" before he could change his mind.

The page on duty sends a shhh in their direction. They smirk at each other, both immediately reminded of that one incident with Professor Barkin, and pack up their stuff eagerly.

(To his surprise, it's a familiar face. To his double surprise, he could only say that because said face was taking up the small screen of his phone.

"Stoppable?" Nor questioned while bringing the device closer, double-checking what he was seeing. "How did you get into my phone?")

"Anyway, like I was saying: yes, I will totally join you," Kim repeats as they head out of the library.

"Neat-o," he replies with a grin.

("WWW: World Wired Wade, but nevermind that," Ron hastily explained. "We need to talk about Kim."

Nor groaned. "Nothing else happened between us, and nothing else is gonna happen between us. Like I told you guys, I'm not tryna get in between nothing.")

They push open the doors and are greeted by the barren field that is the quad. On a normal day, there would still be a lively level of activity from gathered students, but the winter chill is discouraging. Though the sun is still out, they can tell not for long.

"I, um, I didn't think I'd have plans after our work session. I need to run back to my dorm to drop some stuff off. It'll only be a minute. Can I just meet you there?" she proposes.

(Ron rolled his eyes, and Nor still can't get over the fact he can see the guy roll his eyes.

''Trust me, dude. If that were the problem, we'd be having this convo face to face. But that's not the point here. You need to stop ignoring Kim," Ron demands.)

Nor looks up at the orange sky. "Will you be okay getting to CNC by yourself?"

Kim smirks. "Check my name."

("Uh, status check: I'm not ignoring her. We still have that project for WGSS. In fact, we're working on it later today."

"Stop playing dumb with me because you think I'm gonna hurt you or something. I only hurt you if you hurt Kim. With the way you're treating her, you're already halfway there, so stop it.")

He chuckles. "How could I forget?" he asks with a sarcastic smile. "Yeah, go ahead. I'll save us a seat."

They make their way down the front steps.

"Great! Get us a booth this time. Those window seats are way too close together."

("Listen, man—"

"—No you listen, 'man.' I know you're in love with her. Don't even bother trying to deny it," Ron cuts off as Nor prepares to object. "Don't you want to see her happy?")

Kim freezes where she stands, and he looks over to see a complicated flutter of emotions cross her face. She said it without thinking, and now both of them are so obviously remembering the same thing.

Nor fights to keep his face impassive. If it weren't for the way the setting sun is casting unpredictable shadows and a wistful orange hue onto the world, he's sure a blush would be visible as well.

(He considered lying, but he's had enough of that lately: lying to himself that he didn't want to hang out with Kim Possible anyway, that this was for the better. The truth can't hurt any worse.

"Yeah, I do," he eventually conceded with a sigh. On the surface he's replying to Ron's question, but underneath he's affirming Ron's assessment. He figured the other could tell.)

Regardless of what it did to them, he can't fully regret what happened that night. He doesn't think he ever will, but that isn't the case for Kim. If he has to recognise remorse on her face one more time, it might be enough to break the truce he set with himself just to give them the chance at friendship again.

He forces a smirk onto his face. "A booth it is," he eventually concedes. "Any other requests?"

("First rule to loving Kim Possible, dude: we don't get to decide what makes her happy. If I did, she would have cut your friendship off long before all this, but I don't. You make her happy, and I'm man enough to admit it. But I promise you, the second you hurt her, I'll be the last thing you ever see."

Nor peered curiously at the screen. "What's with you? You know I love her, you probably hate me, and yet you threaten me to hang out with her anyway?")

There is a brief moment when she is stunned, processing that her blunder didn't completely undo their minimal progress. Then, relief melts the stress from her shoulders and a smile stretches her face. It's not the brightest he's seen from her, but it's genuine and directed at him. "Just get me a soda."

He sucks in through closed teeth. "Actually, I was just kidding. The girl who can do anything can surely order her own food. No soda for you."

(Ron shook his head with a condescending yet self-deprecating smile. "Rule two to loving Kim Possible: Know she deserves anything she wants and that she usually gets it. What she can't get for herself, you give.

"You give her your heart, you give her your life, and you give her everything left after that, too. Me? I give her someone she can count on in college since I'm not there, even at the cost of my jealousness and insecurities, because Kim works best knowing someone's in her corner.")

She punches him in the shoulder, and he's sure it'll bruise. "And to think I was considering buying your meal."

"Wait, there was free food on the table?" he gawks.

"Not anymore," she quips. "See you in a bit!" She turns to walk down the path towards residential campus with a noticeable pep in her step.

Cheerleaders.

("And you? You give her up without a fight. You give up on your personal feelings and give her the peace of mind of never feeling like she has to choose.")

He hears the tell-tale doot doot do-doot. He watches her lift her wrist Kimmunicator up to her face and her shadow trail long behind her. He can't tell what she's saying; but based on the crinkle in her eyes and the excited hand movements as she talks, he can guess who's on the other end.

"Yeah, see you."

(Nor doesn't understand why Ron is telling him all this, but the injustice of the situation wins over his confusion. "So that's it, then? I get a taste of what it's like to be in love with the most amazing girl on Planet Earth, then watch her be with another guy? That isn't such a raw deal," Nor remarked sarcastically.

Ron's steely look carried well over the screen. "Choose your own adventure, Cow 'n' Chow. Keep her as your friend, or take the gamble on Kim's love.")

As Nor stands there, the last of Ron's impromptu phone call that morning running through his head, he knows exactly what he chooses.

Kim finally walks out of his field of vision, and the scarlet sky starts turning blue.

#kim possible #kim possible fanfiction #ron stoppable #kim x ron #k/r #xyzc*#cotsots

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thetruecthulhu9 · 11 months ago

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@fields-of-ivy im summerising me n my friends screaming because i dont want to subject myself again, spoilers for the books and ep2 of pjo ahead

starting with a weird delivery on the "you drool when you sleep" line was a choice, i always though it was glib and slightlky mocking not a stoic statement. then we get grover being the opposite of empathetic talking to percy and percy himself not showing any signs of injury after being in what should be a 2 day coma.

moving on to the dionysus scene, percy isnt given the chance to figure anything out for himself, so rather than him being as smart as his is in canon we just get more exposition, some people love dionysus personally i think it completely undercuts the gravity the god has especially since we dont have anyone showing diffrence to him. in addition we have gotten rid of grovers core motivation by saying yes he did complete his task. no idea why hes still around when he can be a seeker wihtout further proving himself.

next up we go to the hermes cabin, where percy either doesnt care about posidon or hates him out right, instead of wanting to know his dad (which is a core conflict throughout). the cabin itself is either huge, far less crowded than the books, or both. either way it takes away a lot of the weight of kids being left unclaimed, it adds to kids feeling like they dont matter and i definitely think having chiron deliver that infomation rather than annabeth or luke makes it exposition again rather than kids being frustrated with their parents.

next we have grover meeting with the council of the elders, this one is probably quite personal but i dont like how inhuman they made the dryad. here we also have grover trying to figure out why sally isnt a physical corpse so he can tell percy shes actually alive. this takes away from the fact that percy thought she was dead and was going to try and pull an orpheus regardless, and makes it seem like hades was oppertunistic rather than directly aiming for percy, or atleast sally as a bargaining chip for his helm(honestly i find it werid that niether zeus nor hades tried to kill percy, makes being posidions kid far less of a big deal).

now we introduce the concept of "glory" (@percabeth4life probably has smt to say abt the use of kleos because sei mentioned its not a propper undersanding) . luke tells percy the only thing camp is good for is to get glory and satus. not only is this explicity a roman thing in the books, but camp is meant to be family and safety for demigods. we have clariesse introduced because of the pecking order ig, then we have percy introduced to the different diceplins. this is actually somethings i have irl experience wiht yayyy. its clear percy hasnt been given any guidance in these activities and the other campers are certainly up to debate. in archery any instructer worth their salt wouldve given percy a lower poundage bow and stopped him before taking that first shot because none of the form was anything close to correct and its clear he didnt have the strength to bring it to a full draw (notice the bent arms). the forging is just ridiculus, there isnt any world where you hit orange metal and it flies appart like it did, but i shouldnt expect much since they gave percy a ball peen hammer, which is typically used in cold metalwork, like peening over a nail or striking a punch. and i might as well mention what little we saw of the combat training. all i coaught were the frankly ridiculus limp writsts holding the lances.

next we have the toilet scene, for some reason clarisse knewpercy would be breaking curfew so she could attack percyfor stolen valour rather than just hazing, percy almost gets a swirly, then he presents unprecidented control in shooting the bullies wiht toilet water rather than just exploding the whole bathroom.

we have the dangers of being a forbidden chikd rather than a child of the big three, so rather than being more at risk because youre so powerful, your in danger because you werent meant to exist. bit weird and takes away from the impact of being a big three kid imo. then we have luke syaing they thought abt leaving annabeth because thatlia would attract monsters, asif annabeth didnt do that on her own, so theyd be condeming her. then we get the first part of hyping up a 12 yr old annabeth as the most powerful demigod, which... sure in four to five years time an argument can be made but not when she was 12, girly was arogant and overestimated herself.

next up theres capture the flag, which yay time to complain about how useles the armour is. the shields should be ateast twice the size especially since it should cover you and the soldier next to you, not just your forearm, the helmets should come down much farther so they cover some of the neck, most of the face, and the nose tang comes down to the top lip atleast. annabeth has layered pauldrons which just... werent really a thing as far as im awear. going onto the swords, theyre tiny, a sword is roughly as long as your leg on the short end, these are maybe as long as your forearm. now my beef wiht the fight coriographer starts up again, because clarisse definitely has no idea how to fight with a spear, theres so many instances where she shouldve just dropped it an switched to a short arm. her spear is broken because of stupidtiy rather than percy having a water boosted level of skill. to cap it off we have the claiming wich is really forced, rather than posidon being forced to claim percy becaue the kid had just been disembowled, theres some baby scratches that heal because annabeth shoved him in the "creek", then theres no reverence and fear of what it means to have a son of posidon present.

now that percy has been claimed we see his cabin. is it a comforting place that feels like home? no! its the ugliest temple ive ever seen made out of marble thats a shade of blue that flat out does not exist. now instead of seeing how the camp rejects percy, making him want to leave and get his mum back, we cut straight to dionysus arging like a petulant child, getting rid of the last dregs of respect you could have had. they claim posidon resents zeus for being king of the gods when theres a whole ass myth where Posidon Hera and Athena dethrone zeus and then lets him back because they want Him to be king, just better.

to tie the whole thing off, mainly because it was that last thing we mentioned in the gc, annabeth is just so stoic about the whole thing when she is one of the most emotive characters in the series, especially in the first book where shes constantly making demands of percy. it feels like shes had her post-hoo personality poorly grafted on to a 12 yr old.

Just watched pjo EP 2 it was shit👍

#pjo #percy jackson tv show #percy jackson episode 2

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foreverpraying · 3 years ago

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May 17 is the feast day of Blessed János Scheffler, bishop and martyr

Source of picture: Wikipedia

Life of Blessed János Scheffler

János Scheffler was born in Kálmánd in 1887 in a serf family of ten children. He completed his secondary school studies at the Catholic grammar school of Satu Mare, then attended the Faculty of Theology of the Pázmány Péter Catholic University. He had excellent intellectual capacities and always had the best grades.

After his priestly ordination, which took place on 6 July 1910, he worked as a pastoral assistant in Ciumești (a.k.a. Csomaköz) and Uzhhorod (a.k.a. Ungvár). He spent two years in Rome, where he obtained his doctorate in canon law at the Pontifical Gregorian University in 1912. After his return to Hungary, he became a professor of theology in Satu Mare (Szatmár); however, he continued his studies in canon law in Budapest and, in 1915, he became a doctor of theology. He was a teacher of religion at the Catholic grammar school of Satu Mare.

At the same time, he also worked as a canon lawyer: he studied the legal aspects of the autonomy of the Church and of the relationship between the Church and the State. He also wrote several books of religion for secondary school students and for groups of more educated Catholics.

In 1942 the Holy See appointed him bishop of the diocese of Satu Mare and apostolic administrator of Oradea.

Source of picture: https://santodelgiorno.org

During the II. world war, he often defended the persecuted: through his mediation, the Hungarian government cancelled the internment of the Greek Catholic bishop of Baia Mare, Alexandru Rusu, of Romanian nationality. He made every effort to help the people detained in internment camps, especially the Jews. He managed to save his priests who had been carried off by the SS with force. In January 1945, he personally interceded with the Romanian lord lieutenant and the Soviet commander in order to prevent the deportation of his faithful of German-Swabian origin. Sadly, he did not succeed.

In 1948, the Romanian government terminated its agreement with the Vatican and dissolved the diocese of Satu Mare by the new law on cultural activities. Bishop Scheffler was made to retire and banned from exercising his episcopal ministry, and his closest colleagues (Szilárd Bogdánffy, Károly Pakocs) were arrested. In 1950 he was interned to the Franciscan convent in Baia de Criș (a.k.a. Körösbánya) because he resisted the communists' efforts to separate the Romanian Catholic Church from the Pope. He could have regained his freedom provided he had accepted the role designed for him by the Romanian government: becoming bishop of the diocese of Alba Iulia (a.k.a. Gyulafehérvár), i.e. the only Roman Catholic diocese recognized by the State, and thus collaborating with the communist power. He refused such a compromise, therefore he was arrested and the communists started a trumped-up criminal proceeding against him. However, he did not live to see his trial because he died on 6 December 1952 in the Jilava prison. During his entire life he strove to find out and fulfil the will of God. He professed the motto of Pope Pius X: Restore all things in Christ.

Source: https://www.mindszentyalapitvany.hu/en/canonization/hungarian-blesseds/blessed-janos-scheffler

Prayer for the Feast of Blessed János Scheffler

Source of picture: https://aleteia.org

Almighty and eternal God, You granted Blessed Bishop János Scheffler the grace to fight for the truth till his death and to be a model of loyalty and obedience to the Church. Grant that we may imitate his faithful self-giving and find an eternal home in Heaven. Grant this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Source: www.mindszentyalapitvany.hu

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baldwin-montclair · 5 years ago

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Baldwin’s Nightingale (Part 7)

Characters: Baldwin Montclair/OC

Timeframe: After the S1 Finale, TV Show canon only (haven’t read the books yet)

Summary: After an impulsive move to protect her guard, Alisha recovers whilst her ambiguous connection with Baldwin causes contention.

Tag requests: @christi14 @poemfreak306 @pookie-cleary

PART 1

PART 2

PART 3

PART 4

PART 5

PART 6

Alisha awoke to the beep of a machine near her.

“Uh, Baldwin...” a voice she didn’t recognise caught her attention and she opened her eyes to see a young male with unruly dark hair and youthful features.

Instantly she flinched away from the unfamiliar vampire.

“Alisha?” Baldwin’s voice helped make her feel more secure and she was faintly aware of a cold sensation on her hand.

“Baldwin? What...where am I?” She asked, realising he had covered her hand with his own.

“My apartment, it’s safer,” he explained, noticing her glance at Marcus, “this is Marcus, my nephew, he’s here to help.”

“Marcus, hi.” She replied and gave a small, awkward wave.

“Alisha, I’ve heard a lot about you.” He smiled but instantly stopped when he met Baldwin’s glare.

“You got me to your apartment after all.” She chuckled and sat up in the large, super-king sized bed.

Clearly he liked his space, or it was meant to be shared by more than one, or even two. She shook the thought from her mind, it wasn’t the time to get jealous of unproven exes, or current ‘distractions’.

“This is not a laughing matter!” He warned, sternly, his hand gripping hers.

“It’s really not,” she agreed, “how did you know to tell Christina about Guillermo?”

“I heard about Michael, I’m sorry.”

“Thank you, but how does that relate to that vampire coming after me?”

“There are creatures that we keep an eye on, we watch their movements and when I heard about Michael I did some digging, suspected he may be after you.”

“Done.” Marcus disconnected the drip beside the bed from the entry point into her hand. He capped it off and removed the small cannula needle from her hand, replacing it with a band-aid.

“What did you give me?”

“You’re suddenly concerned about ingesting unknown chemicals?” Baldwin’s annoyance was evident in his voice.

“Marcus?” She asked, ignoring Baldwin’s dig.

“Saline solution, you’ve been out almost a day.” He answered.

“Not blood?” She asked, relieved.

“He didn’t get the chance to drain you, but he would have, it was a stupid risk!” Baldwin got up, moving to the window, clearly trying to stay calm.

“I’ll be outside.” Marcus left with haste, his father’s temper was one thing but even Marcus could sense the steadily thumping heartbeat of anger coming from his uncle.

“Baldwin,” she started after a few moments, “did you-“

“Kill him? Tear his fucking head off for daring to touch never mind bite you? Yes, I did!” His manner was unusual, he was furious, almost manic and not the calm and measured Baldwin she had already become acquainted with.

“Like, literally?” She shimmied out of the opposite side of the bed from where he was standing and realised she was in just a way too baggy T-shirt and some bed shorts, tied tightly to keep them up.

Not exactly the sexy reveal she’d been hoping to surprise him with when the moment presented itself.

“Yes, literally, you need to understand the gross overstep this was. An attack on you is an attack on me.”

“He called me your pet, is that what I am now, your property?”

“In the time we’ve spent together,” he advanced on her, his hands gripping her upper arms, “have I at any point made you feel that way?”

She shook her head, embarrassed, feeling foolish for allowing her own self-consciousness to take heed of Guillermo’s taunt.

“No.” She averted her gaze.

“Then why would you ask me that?” He touched the side of her neck not bruised from the bite, his thumb resting just under her chin to tip her face to look at him.

“You know why!” She responded, the strength of the statement somewhat undercut by her vision growing slightly woozy and she felt strangely off balance.

“We’ll talk later, you need to eat something.” He told her, holding her steady the two steps back to the bed before pulling the covers back over her.

Alisha narrowed her eyes to indicate suspicion.

“Can vampires...” she stopped until he prompted her with a questioning quirk of his eyebrow, “cook?”

He surprised her for the second time with a genuine laugh, the kind that felt like an invisible exhale and she realised just how tense he’d actually been.

“Of course we can. We were human before remember?” He teased and turned to leave when she caught his hand and he stopped, turning back to look at her.

“Thank you.”

“Alisha-“

“You saved me.”

“I put you in danger.”

“No, you didn’t, he wasn’t after me because of you, he...” she paused, unsure, until she met his determined and concerned gaze.

“There’s something I have to tell you.” She answered just as Marcus entered with a tray. Baldwin stroked his hand over hers, letting her know it was okay for her to let him go, standing up when she did so.

“Broth, nice and healthy.” Marcus explained in a proud, chipper tone as he placed the tray over her knees.

“It smells amazing, Marcus, thank you.” She praised, noticing Baldwin leaving.

“Baldwin?”

“Whatever you need to tell me, it can wait until after you eat.” He answered, unable to keep some of the tense energy from creeping back into his demeanour.

“Music? That’s why Michael was killed?” Baldwin asked in disbelief as they gathered in the lounge. Alisha had an armchair to herself. Marcus was perched on the edge of a sofa and Baldwin paced behind it.

“It’s not just music, it was a code that Michael translated into music.” She explained.

“The code that was on a painting?” Marcus clarified.

“Not a painting, a Fresco, in Venice.” Alisha corrected.

“Why would vampires be interested in that?” Baldwin’s impatience was evident.

“I don’t know but Michael had been asking about the Fresco’s, there are three, he translated one and was in the process of the second one when...” she stopped.

“Do you need a break?” Baldwin asked gently, causing a surprised look from Marcus.

“No, I’m..I’ll be fine. I was going to say that he didn’t even get to see the third fresco because the property was recently sold to a vampire called Gerbert?”

It was obvious from the look Baldwin and Marcus shared they too were aware of him.

“Christina did needle him about being Gerbert’s lackey, which he denied.”

“Bit of a coincidence,” Marcus admits, “is Gerbert still in Madison?”

“We have no idea where he is. Knox and Satu returned empty handed but Gerbert did not accompany them.” Baldwin answered with barely concealed anger.

“Do you have a copy of the photo’s?” Marcus asked.

“No, Michael destroyed his computer to stop anyone finding the code.” She explained.

“The music, can you remember it?” Baldwin prompted.

“Yes but I need my-“ she stopped, eyes going wide in panic.

“It’s here, Christina mentioned it was important to you!” Baldwin reassured her and approached a table at the far end of the room, bringing the violin case to her.

“You play?” Marcus smiled.

“Incredibly well!” Baldwin answered.

“You exaggerate.” She lifted the violin to hear a rattle coming from inside.

“What the-“ she gently tried to get the object out from the f-shaped opening on the front and it fell into her hand.

A small USB drive with the word ‘Poppet’ written in sharpie on the front in Michael’s hand-writing.

“Alisha?” Marcus asked.

It was such a simple thing, a pet name, but it hit her like a sucker punch, the delayed reaction from fear and danger had waited long enough.

In no time, Baldwin took the instrument from her nerveless fingers and back into the case before crouching in front of her.

“What is it?” He asked gently and she showed him the drive with the writing on it.

“A USB drive.” Marcus stated, unsure of the issue.

“Michael,” she took a shuddering breath, “it’s...what he called me.” She stood, and looked around like a cornered animal.

“I just...I need a minute.” She headed for the bathroom, vaguely hearing Marcus and Baldwin argue behind her before she closed the door and slid down to sit, hugging her knees and crying in halted, gulping breaths.

“Take your fucking hand off me or so help me I’ll break it!” Baldwin growled when Marcus prevented him going after Alisha by grabbing the older vampire’s upper arm.

“Listen to me, you have to just let her cry it out, be there for her after but right now she needs to get it out of her system and she can’t do that in front of you.” Marcus reasoned.

Baldwin just glared and Marcus released him, holding up his hands in surrender.

“But what do I know?” He added, sarcastically.

Baldwin strode towards the door but stopped halfway, realising he was right.

“Fuck!” He shook his head.

“Baldwin,” Marcus started after a few moments, “what’s going on?”

“What are you talking about?” Baldwin hissed dismissively.

“You care for her.”

“Choose your next words carefully!” He warned, still facing the door, fighting every instinct he had to go to her.

“I’m trying to help and letting you lie to yourself is not going to help either of you.” Marcus reasoned and Baldwin turned to face him.

“What do you think you know, boy?” Baldwin approached and Marcus managed to maintain his composure.

“I’ve seen this before. You are acting the exact same way as Matthew before he first took Diana to Sept-Tours.”

“Marcus!” He growled.

“The congregation wanted Diana. The congregation now wants to speak to Alisha so I take it you have no problems just handing her over to the other daemons.”

“They cannot protect her and you know it!”

“Now, where have I heard that before?”

“She stays with me until the hearing!” Baldwin tells him with defiance.

“She’s a witness in the death of a daemon who was killed by a vampire!”

“I’m a Knight of Lazarus and she cannot protect herself, it’s what we do, is it not?” Baldwin stated rhetorically.

“Is that why you’re doing it?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes, if your reasons for wanting to protect her are personal.”

“You dare give me that line, after what your father did.”

“I do, considering how much crap you gave him for it. Now, because it’s you it just doesn’t matter?”

“She’s a daemon Marcus, not a witch.”

“Exactly! She cannot protect herself Baldwin and you will always be a target. You’re the head of the family, if you become compromised it threatens all of us.”

“I am not compromised.”

“Not yet. If you mate with her, that instinct to protect her will override everything, it’s leverage we cannot afford.”

“I care for her, that much I will admit. But in two thousand years I have never had the inclination to form a mate bond and I’m not starting now.”

“You say that like it’s a choice.”

The sound of sobbing had grown to quieter, uneven breaths. Tired of arguing, Marcus decided to leave the fight for another day.

“It’s late and I actually need some sleep. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“You should stay here, there’s a spare bedroom.”

“No thanks, in the angst zone I’ll never get any sleep. I’m looking forward to the very nice room I have booked at the Four Seasons.”

Baldwin bid farewell to Marcus before checking on Alisha.

She was still sitting against the main door so Baldwin instead knocked on the en-suite door.

“Alisha, may I come in?”

“Okay.” The small voice replied and he entered to see her sitting against the door, legs outstretched and still clutching the USB drive.

“You can’t stay on the cold tiles all night, you’ll be more comfortable in bed.” He told her, not waiting for a response before scooping her into his arms. In response she rested her head against his shoulder in tired surrender as he carried her into the room and placed her back into the bed.

“Let’s put this on the table.” He didn’t take the drive from her. He instead waited until she handed it over before placing it on the bedside table as he promised.

“Wait,” she called after he turned to leave, “stay with me, please?”

“I don’t sleep very often.”

“I know.” She replied weakly and he understood her meaning, she just didn’t want to be alone.

“Alright,” he relented, “I’ll stay.” He took position on the bed beside her, fixing the pillows to prop himself up.

She moved closer to where he was and he instinctively moved his arm to let her rest her head against his shoulder and her hand on his chest. She instantly relaxed when he placed his hand over hers and used the other to lightly run her hair through his fingers, falling asleep just moments later.

Baldwin looked around with a start. He’d fallen asleep, surprisingly, as he hadn’t felt that he needed rest. Also, he had never permitted himself to sleep in the presence of anyone before.

Vampires were extremely vulnerable in this state and it was not like him to show that level of trust to anyone.

Alisha was still fast asleep in his arms, her heartbeat steady and her breathing deep. Listening to the rhythmic sound had clearly lulled him into a state relaxed enough to drift off.

He glanced across at the USB drive, wondering what Michael had saved on it that would have led to him hiding it someplace only she would find it.

It had to be connected to Diana Bishop and the book of life or why else would Gerbert go off grid to track it down when he has been laser focused in his pursuit of it. They were out of his grip, both her and the book, and even Matthew. What did he want with a daemon violinist.

Alisha mumbled in her sleep and Baldwin realised that he’d inadvertently gripped her tighter with the thought of her falling into Gerbert’s clutches, especially given what had happened to Diana.

He remembered his disagreement with Marcus from the previous night.

I care for her, that much I will admit. But in two thousand years I have never had the inclination to form a mate bond and I’m not starting now.

The admission of his affection for her had surprised even him. He wasn’t given to sentimental proclamations but he had to maintain his position that, despite everything, he was not the type to relinquish his sense in order to take a mate.

You say that like it’s a choice.

He wondered if Marcus was right, just how in control was he?

Again, he was interrupted by his musing by the distant sound of a key in the door of the apartment.

Marcus had returned.

He managed to delicately extricate himself from Alisha and joined Marcus in the lounge.

“What?” He noticed the on-edge demeanour of the younger vampire. He was holding a small stack of photos in his hand.

“It’s not good.” Marcus admitted and handed him the images.

Baldwin shook his head in disbelief as he looked through them/

“What is this?”

“It’s one of the fresco’s Michael had gone to see in Venice, the other has been defaced, it’s destroyed, irreparable. Apparently this one depicts the Roman goddess Diana on a hunt.”

“But this is-“

“Diana Bishop. Or the exact likeness of Diana Bishop on a fresco from a thousand years ago.” Marcus finished for him.

“Who’s Diana Bishop?” Alisha asked sleepily from the doorway of the bedroom.

———

PART 8

#baldwin’s nightingale #adow baldwin #adow baldwin fic #adow fic #baldwin montclair #a discovery of witches #adow #baldwin de clermont

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ammarjasir · 5 years ago

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Hasrat Keberkameraan

Sejak 2015 saya hidup dengan tidak lepas dari kamera. Saya ingat waktu itu kamera pertama yang saya punya adalah Olympus (saya lupa tipenya). Saya beli dari teman, karena semester itu saya ada dua mata kuliah yang butuh kamera: Kriminologi Visual dan Jurnalisme Investigasi. Dan juga sangat terpakai saat saya magang di Batam pertengahan tahun. Meskipun dengan itu saya harus merelakan setengah uang beasiswa saya untuk satu semester. Alhamdulillahnya kawan saya mau melepasnya dengan harga yang cukup miring. Dan memiliki kamera membantu banyak sih buat saya waktu itu. Sampai kemudian awal Desember, kamera saya hilang di dalam bus saat menuju Bandung. Sesak juga rasanya, cuma sebentar bersama. Haha apalagi waktu itu masih ada UAS dua mata kuliah itu yg butuh kamera. Akhirnya saya pinjam kawan saya untuk hanya kebutuhan UAS.

Awal 2016, saya bergabung dengan BEM UI. Dan sebagai ‘bapak media’ di sana, saya dapet privilage untuk memegang kamera BEM waktu itu: Canon 1100 D. Selama setahun 2016, saya hampir tidak lepas dan mendokumentasikan semua agenda BEM UI. Sangat bersyukur rasanya. Tahun itu pertama kali juga saya bisa mempraktikkan fotografi panggung yang pernah saya ikuti sharingnya dulu waktu awal-awal kuliah.

Tahun 2017 saya akhirnya sempat jadi cameraless person. Haha untungnya sedang tidak ada kebutuhan akan kamera juga saat itu. Pekerjaan saya di bidang desain grafis tidak terlalu memerlukan kamera saat itu. Paling sesekali saat ada event dari yayasan yang saya numpangi tinggal, saya membantu mendokumentasikan dengan kamera mereka. Sebaliknya, saat kamera sedang menganggur dan saya ada acara yang mau saya datangi dan ingin saya abadikan, saya meminjam kamera mereka. Sampai kemudian pada suatu kejadian di pertengahan 2017, kamera mereka hilang pada suatu acara.

Selang beberapa waktu setelah itu, saya mendapat ‘durian runtuh’. Pada sebuah acara bazar yang saya datangi, saya iseng ikut sebuah tantangan di sana. Dan pekan depannya saya mendapat kabar kalau saya menang tantangan itu dan mendapatkan hadiah kamera. Rasanya begitu senang, karena saya bisa memotret lagi. Kali ini dengan jenis kamera yang berbeda, yaitu mirrorless. Saya mendapatkan Canon EOS M10. Sampai hari ini, Alhamdulillah si M10 masih setia menemani. Tugas pertamanya saat itu adalah menemani saya satu bulan mendokumentasikan acara ramadhan di masjid kampus. Satu ramadhan terbaik dalam hidup saya.

Meskipun didapat dengan minim upaya, saya sangat senang dengan adanya M10 ini. Dia memang tidak se-pro DSLR, tapi cukup bisa diandalkan. Dan mungkin karena hal-hal baik yang saya dapat berkat M10, saya suka ringan tangan meminjamkan jika ada kawan yang ingin meminjamnya. Sejak 2017, kamera saya sudah saya lepas ke Bali tiga kali. Di mana saya sendiri belum pernah ke sana untuk berwisata. Haha dan ketika ada yang ingin meminjam, dan saya sedang tidak pakai, yaudah saya kasih saja. Seperti hari ini misalnya.

Saya kemudian berpikir, mungkin ini salah satu cara saya beramal. Dengan mengabadikan momen sebisa yang saya mampu. Membantu dengan cara yang saya bisa, meskipun hanya meminjamkan sesuatu yang sebenarnya juga hanya titipan. Kapanpun bisa diambil oleh Yang Maha Memiliki. Nothing to lose aja sih akhirnya buat kamera ini. Saya pernah melewati masa punya kamera sendiri, hilang dan meminjam kamera orang, sampai kemudian punya lagi. Tidak masalah tidak punya kamera. Dan tidak mengapa mendamba kamera salama memang ada hal yang diperlukan dengan kamera. Dan mungkin karena itu kami masih diizinkan bersama.

#cathar #JuliBercerita19 #harike13

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enchantedbride · 6 years ago

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Important Plot Differences in 'Winter Comes to Valentia'

I mean this is called an AU for a reason. And these days I'm an absolute sucker for changing parts of the plot I wish had gone differently. :3

-Some of the characters who are rescues on Alm's path are recruited through a different scenario. Clair evades capture and hides out, evetually meeting up with the party in order to avoid capture rather than be released from it. Mathilda escapes capture mid-battle, and Tatiana is recruited while trying to find a way to escape from Nuibaba's abode.

-Rinea survives and is not made into a witch by Berkut. Being an old friend of Satu's, she is in posession of an amulet imbued with magic given to her by Satu that temporarily freezes Berkut when he turns on her. It gives her enough time to flee back to the palace and find help. Fernand, however, isn't so lucky, and he is still attacked by Berkut in this scenario after Berkut is unfrozen.

-In a similar fashion, Saga prevents Jedah from capturing Celica and manipulating her into giving her soul to Duma. Because of Celica and Saga's bond, she confesses early about the deal between her and Jedah, and the party is able to help her out. A small battle with Jedah takes place at the end of Duma tower where Saga expends a considerable amount of energy to freeze Jedah and keep him frozen and unable to harm the tean until help can arrive. The team barricade themselves inside a safe section of the Temple of Duma and try to find a way to contact the outside for help, and defend their spot from an Assault by the Duma faithful. Unfortunately, Saga is unable to help much, as the spell to keep Jedah out of things for a while exhausted her physically and temporarily dampened her abilities.

-Because Satu spent many years in Ram village, the character Faye developed a somewhat different personality to the one people are familar with in canon. Faye is fiercly protective of all her friends, and while she does have affection for Alm, it's not as obcessive as in game. However, she is brutal to people who hurt her friends, and takes it upon herself to learn how to hunt with Satu so she can help keep people in the Deliverance fed. She also has a knack for mending clothing and stitching wounds.

-Conrad joining Celica's team happens differently as well, and he does NOT slap Celica in this version. (It is my opinion that whole scene was bullshit and initially I extremely disliked Conrad because of it. His other scenes and dialogue after he joined changed my mind, but that, that was not cool and I'm punting out of the plot and into the garbage.)

-INSTEAD, Saga attempts to intervene and bolster Celica's resolve and is attacked by Dolth. Conrad swoops in and teams up with Celica to defeat him in a very badass manner.

#verse (echoes au: winter comes to valentia)

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jurigdiction · 4 years ago

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Entry 5.1 — Kejeblus Cult (Versi Aki 02)

Saat melihat notifikasi post terbaru (dari Aki 01), beginilah ekspresiku..

Kepalaku otomatis mengingat kejadian-kejadian ajaib saat itu. Namanya saja mengingat kebodohan dan kekonyolan diri sendiri, siapa yang bakal merasa nyaman. Geli-geli menyebalkan (?) Tapi kami membaginya supaya kita semua banyak belajar dari hal tersebut dan tidak terperosok dalam jurang kenestapaan seperti kami *sok ndakik-ndakik*

Aki 01 sudah membagikan sudut pandang dan pengalamannya. Sebenarnya untuk pengalaman kami, kurang lebih ada yang sama ya. Cuma aku yang telat sadar. Ibarat kena gendam, ketika sudah ambil duit ke ATM dan menyerahkan ke pelaku, baru ngeh lho kenapa duitku hilang wkwkw wuu salahe goblok 😥

Awal mula pencidukan calon-calon mangsa kerajaan Agung Podomoro ini berasal dari salah satu selebtwit yang sering membahas hal Honda Supra*. Aku tertarik dengan salah satu akun karena memang sedang mencari sesuatu yang menjawab pertanyaanku selama ini. Entah itu seputar Mas Yuno atau keresahan hidup kala itu. Namanya aja curhat ya kan, bisa topik apa saja. Dia kadang menjawab beberapa pertanyaan secara cuma-cuma, terkadang aku ikut kepo sikit ke beberapa kawannya yang juga membahas Honda Supra ini. Hingga suatu hari...

*Honda Supra: Istilah gaul versi Aki 01 untuk Supranatural. Dah ya, rasah kakean tekon koyo pembantu anyaran.

Salah satu di antara mereka ada yang tiba-tiba menanyakan hal di atas macam admin halodok halosus. Nah loh. ini tiba-tiba mengirim dm, minta foto pula. Untuk apa? Untuk apa? *bgm Untuk Apa - Maudy Ayunda*

Hah. Bengong. Ini apa lagi sih. Jurig cabang Nordic masuk ke badan apa gimana? Seketika di situ aku hanya diam termenung. Iki aku kudu kepiye cah?

Seperti yang sudah dijelaskan Aki 01, mereka tidak konsisten menyebut itu reinkarnasi atau inkarnasi. Aku dijanjikan dengan iming-iming kehidupan yang lebih tenang, mampu membantu orang lain, dan menambah wawasan. Karena aku bocah piyik plonga-plongo, tiba-tiba saja aku menyetujuinya dan masuk dalam grup WA isi roleplay dewa-dewi tersebut.

Pada awalnya, aku mengira mereka yang tergabung dalam grup tersebut memang berisi orang-orang waskito. Yakni mereka yang diberi tanggung jawab lebih oleh Tuhan. Ternyata tidak, wahai saudara-saudari. Mereka justru orang-orang yang paling membutuhkan penanganan dari tenaga medis professional seperti psikolog dan psikiater. Seriously. Kenyataan itu justru malah ditutup dengan kemasan “kalian itu spesial”. Heck. Aku punya riwayat ke psikolog dan psikiater. Kalau ini yang kalian sebut spesial, lebih baik aku jadi normal dan sehat. Ancen utekke ki wes geseh sik omong ngono, tulung sing kenal karo wonge, diperiksakke ning psikolog yo cah.

Awal mula isi grup ini masih membahas tentang inner peace, cara mengontrol diri, gods-bender (?) yang terdengar keren padahal mak pes alias kopong. Isinya macam RP di dunia twitter dengan tema dewa-dewi. Sesekali menyisipkan ‘Tarot of The Day’ dan perbincangan tentang calon-calon ‘mangsa’ yang perlu diciduk. Ohya, bahkan kami dilatih menjadi scanner layaknya mesin fotokopian di pinggir jalan. Tinggal dikasih merk aja, mau HP atau Canon.

Grup yang awalnya menggembar-gemborkan semboyan positive vibe, inner peace, dan membantu orang lain (seperti klaim di promosi awal) justru mulai menunjukkan gelagat yang aneh. Seperti yang dijelaskan oleh Aki 01, ada salah satu penggede/pillar yang keluar dari grup RP ini. Padahal dia adalah salah satu Founding Father grup tersebut. Tentu saja hal ini sempat menimbulkan kericuhan. Dua co-founder yang lain serta merta meyakinkan kami bahwa dia adalah musuh. Jauhi dia layaknya kamu menjauhi penyakit menular. Bahkan mereka menulis update bahwa orang tersebut sudah menjadi ‘vessel kopong’ alias Empty *bgm Empty - Winner*

Dengan teknik persuasif dan sepik sepik yang lebih pro dibanding mbak mbak SPG rokok, kami yang masih tergabung dalam grup tadi tersugesti untuk turut menjauhi orang tersebut. Tagline positive vibe yang awalnya dibawa dalam setiap kesempatan, tiba-tiba hilang begitu saja. Grup ini lantas berubah menjadi akun julid kw berbumbu Honda Supra. Wahai admin LamTur dan akun julid lainnya, hati-hati kalian punya pesaing yang cukup potensial. Miris memang, apalagi mengetahui fakta bahwa orang yang memang indovision transvision hanya 3-4 orang seperti yang disebutkan Aki 01. Ngelu cah. Njuk sing liyane sopo? Sisanya yah mas/mbak yang saat ini sudah memerlukan psikoterapi. Kenyataan memang pedih, saudara-saudari. Koyo kowe ndelok dhek e nyanding wong liyo padahal wes nyelengi duit nggo nyicil bayar naib.

Nah, bagaimana versi hamba tiba-tiba mak cling tersadar? Berawal dari drama di Malang. Suasana memang sangat mawut pada saat itu. Bahkan aku tidak sadar bahwa hari terakhir acara di Malang merupakan titik balik kami menuju proses kesadaran. Ada yang bertanya padaku, “kepada siapa kamu akan percaya jika tidak ada yang bisa kau percaya?” Jawabanku serta merta, “Tuhan.” Kemudian ia bertanya kembali, “selain Tuhan, siapa yang bisa kau percaya?” jawabanku hanya “diriku sendiri?” sedikit ragu. Saat Aki 01 sedang cross-check dan mengumpulkan informasi dari sana sini, doaku terjawab oleh-Nya. Dia menunjukkan hal-hal yang perlu kuketahui melalui perantara-Nya. Aku bertanya pada ‘mantan pillars’, bertanya pada Aki 01, dan semuanya semakin jelas. Cling~ Seperti tanpa kaca~ *kalau yang tahu jingle-nya, fix kalian anak lawasan*

Semua yang kau lakukan it’s magic~ mereka lakukan tak lebih sebuah sugesti, ilusi, janji manis, tipu muslihat, bujuk rayu, apalah itu. “Wah pantesan si itu keluar, pikirku.” Lantas, beberapa dari kami termasuk Aki 01 dan aku menyusun sedikit cara untuk keluar dari grup tersebut. Setelah kami keluar, rasanya kayak hampa. Sensasi tersadar dari semacam hipnotis (?). Entah di mana diriku berada~ *maaf Aki 02 memang sering begini, tiba-tiba nyanyi*.

Oh ternyata ini jawabannya. Sempat menangis sejadi-jadinya karena Tuhan telah menyelamatkan kami. Hanya Dia lah yang mampu menuntun hamba-Nya kembali. Suara-suara yang awalnya ricuh di dalam kepala, hilang. Perlahan, hidupku kembali normal (meskipun definisi normalku berbeda dengan orang pada umumnya). Cukup sudah hidupku begini-begini saja. Tidak perlu ditambah RP dewa-dewi. Mana sempat he em mana sempat~

Salah satu hal yang membuat Aki 01 dan aku geram adalah, kenapa mereka membohongi diri sendiri dan orang lain? Kalaupun ada yang indovision di situ, kenapa mereka memilih untuk menyalahgunakan tanggung jawab dari Tuhan untuk kepentingan duniawi nan materialistik? Ohiya lupa, mau ngopi cantik juga perlu duit masbroh. Bahkan banyak yang melabeli dirinya bisa A B C D E padahal ya.. gitu. Manusia yang haus atensi dan validasi kemudian ‘dikemas’ menjadi indovision dadakan yang bisa meramal jodoh, padahal fake. Ini kalian tidak malu kalau ditertawakan jurig sebelah rumah?

Udah ya guys, jalani saja hidup kalian sebagaimana mestinya. Sebagaimana yang sudah tergaris. Lurus lurus aja lebih enak kok, daripada lihat kanan-kiri nanti gak sadar kalo kepleset, masuk lubang, susah keluar. Apalagi kalo keprosok masuk pasir hisap. Tuhan Maha Tahu porsi hidup kita seperti apa. Ooh lihat kanan-kiri apalagi lihat yang indovision gitu kalian kepengen juga ya? Pengen keliatan beda dan wah? Dipandang wow dan punya label tersendiri? Gak usah ribet-ribet. Aku punya tips simpelnya. Kalian lari telanjang jam 12 siang juga udah bakal keliatan beda kok. Please remember, indovision is not a personality trait. Indovision is not a trend.

— Aki 02

#jurig #jurigdiction #cult

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noirmanifestotest · 5 years ago

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(To Love You Is To) Lose You

He loves someone, so he has to run.

Pairing: Seungyoun/Hangyul Word Count: 2,9K Words Notes: Dern Universe. My take on Dianjo’s shared night.)

⚠️ Contains explicit materials. Please proceed with caution. ⚠️

Disclaimer: Ada beberapa (baca: banyak) made-up details dari gue sendiri. Kalo ngga pernah muncul di DERN berarti nggak canon. Cerita ini hanya interpretasi gue akan Dianjo.

Writer Notes: Debut nulis Bahasa panjang. Tapi tetep ada beberapa part yang ditulis pakai English karena gue nggak merasa pas dalam Bahasa. Semoga penerimaannya masih oke ya. Happy reading!

(I recommend you to listen to A Common Love Story while reading. The whole mood of this story is set around this song as I was listening to it while writing.)

---

Absolute values are Michael’s best friend.

Menjadi DERN berarti mengeliminasi segala kemungkinan yang membuatmu takut dan mengamini nilai-nilai fondasi mereka sebelum menjadikannya milikmu. Di momen kau masuk ke dalam institusi ini, ikatan menjadi terbatas pada hubunganmu dengan sesama DERN. Mereka adalah saudaramu. Mengerti kapan harus menjaga dan kapan harus melepas mereka demi misi yang kau pegang. Sebuah ikatan yang sudah sewajarnya kuat, namun fleksibel jika diperlukan. Karenanya, perasaan dan hubungan personal menjadi elemen kemewahan yang tidak dapat dimiliki siapapun disini. Kau tahu sejak awal bahwa kau akan diberikan mandat dari spektrum sepele hingga hal terberat yang bahkan tidak sedikitpun pernah terbesit dalam pikiran. Bagi mereka dan bagimu, injakan pertama ke dalam Headquarter berarti mengubah arti hidupmu menjadi sebuah dedikasi kepada mereka. Nilai-nilai absolutmu sebagai manusia tiba-tiba bertambah sampai ke titik dimana kau lelah menghitung banyaknya.

Setelah melalui segala assesment detail dan potensimu, mereka tidak memilih sembarang orang untuk diposisikan dalam sebuah misi. Memang ada sejumlah keahlian dasar yang dipukul rata—hal-hal yang wajib menjadi skill yang dimiliki setiap anggota institusi ini. Namun pengerucutan ke detail terdalam mengenai kelebihan-kelebihan individual menjadi penentu besar dalam penjatuhan misi. Dan bagi mereka dan bagimu, mengetahui kelemahan yang dimiliki sama pentingnya dengan mengetahui kekuatan. Karenanya, Michael tahu betul mereka tidak akan menunjuknya dalam misi pendek (yang terasa panjang dalam waktu bersamaan) satu bulan lebih lalu jika ia bukan orang yang cocok dan kapabel untuk memenuhinya, dengan segala pertimbangan dan kalkulasi kelebihan juga kelemahannya.

Dengan penambahan nilai-nilai absolutnya, Evan merupakan anomali relatif yang tidak seharusnya menari di dalam kepala Michael lebih dari satu bulan dalam misinya sebagai Sodalis seorang Cho. Identitas buat Michael adalah hal yang mudah direkayasa. Disposable. Selesainya misi menandakan kematian dari pseudonym lalu yang pernah ia sandiwarakan. Menjadi Sodalis seorang TEN mungkin adalah salah satu misi yang membuat Michael merasa paling terekspos, sekalipun segalanya dilakukan dengan kehati-hatian dan dengan langkah-langkah preventif sedemikian rupa. Identitas pribadinya adalah hal yang rawan. And thus became a needed trade for a base, a foundation for something just as vital---a trust. Mau tidak mau, Michael harus tunduk. Walaupun begitu, seperti misi-misinya yang lain, Michael memperlakukannya seperti yang sudah-sudah. The same old routine. Yang tidak disangkanya, adalah keberlanjutan perasaannya (Catat: Dalam lingkupan luas) terhadap Evan Cho yang idealnya selesai di momen Evan membuka mata di rumah sakit setelah Gala waktu itu.

(Harusnya, ia tidak perlu berusaha meyakinkan dirinya bahwa ia hanya menonton patient monitor Evan detak demi detak sampai kehilangan waktu tidur untuk memenuhi kewajibannya sebagai Sodalis yang harus memastikan pasangannya keluar hidup-hidup. Harusnya, hal itu menjadi kewajaran buat Michael. Tapi ia tahu, begitu ia merasa perlu meyakinkan dirinya sendiri akan hal itu, adalah momen dimana Evan telah sukses menerobos dinding pertahanan yang telah dibangun Michael dengan sedemikian rumit. Segala hal tentang ambang hidup Evan tiba-tiba disadarinya menjadi lebih dari sekedar misi.)

---

Malam itu, nama acak tak berpemilik yang biasa dapat ia gunakan untuk bersembunyi di balik identitas baru tidak dapat dijadikan sebagai alasannya dalam berbuat hal-hal yang normalnya seorang Michael tidak akan lakukan. Ia berada disana sebagai dirinya sendiri, bukan karena panggilan dengan embel Sodalis. Sudah basi. Bukan pula karena DERN. Tugasnya sudah lama selesai.

Di jantung kota Seoul, Michael berdiri di depan pintu salah satu kamar di lantai 30 dari apartemen mewah yang berada dibawah kepemilikan keluarga Cho karena Evan meminta Michael untuk datang. Tepat setelah ia menyelesaikan misinya di Hanoi. Dan lagi-lagi, Michael butuh diyakinkan oleh dirinya sendiri bahwa ia hanya mengiyakan untuk mengecek keadaan Evan post-surgery.

It doesn’t even take him a moment to answer his bell.

“Quem é?” (“Who is it?”) Michael bisa mendengar suara familiar Evan dari intercom di sebelah pintunya.

Alih-alih menyebutkan nama, Michael menjawab, “O Diabo está com medo da visita de o Anjo?” (“Is the Devil scared of a visit from the Angel?”)

Pertanyaannya membuat Evan tertawa. Kali ini suaranya terdengar lebih jelas. Sepertinya Evan sudah bisa melihatnya di dalam layar. “Estive à sua espera, meu Anjo.” (“I've been waiting for you, my Angel.”) lelaki di sisi lain pintu terdiam sebentar sebelum kembali bersuara melalui intercom. “A senha é a data em que te peguei me chamando pelo novo apelido carinhoso.” (“The password is the date I caught you calling me by the new endearing nickname.”)

Malu banget. Kejadian lama dibawa lagi dan dijadiin password.

Tapi ia tidak mau berlama-lama berada di depan, sekalipun dengan sistem keamanan gedung berlapis yang dimiliki oleh apartemen ini. Jadi, ia memastikan tidak ada pergerakan mencurigakan di sekelilingnya, menutupi jari-jarinya yang sibuk menekan digit password di balik punggungnya sebelum menyelip masuk ke dalam dan menutup pintu di belakangnya.

“Welcome.” perhatian Michael sekarang berpindah pada lelaki yang sedang menyenderkan punggungnya ke balustrade balkonnya yang terbuka. Langkah kakinya ke bagian apartemen yang lebih dalam membuatnya dapat melihat dengan jelas apa yang sedang dipegang oleh Evan. Yang diperhatikan hanya mengangkat gelas wine-nya sebagai sebuah undangan sebelum menyesap cairan merah di dalamnya. “Mandi dulu, gih.”

“Sekalian mau pake mesin cuci lo, if that’s okay. Gue udah nggak ada baju bersih buat pulang.” Michael membuka kopernya di dekat mini bar untuk mengambil toileters bag yang berada di paling atas isi kopernya, menguncinya kembali sebelum melangkah menuju pintu yang terlihat seperti tempat masuk ke kamar mandi. “Ini kamar mandinya, kan?”

“Yoi.” Evan menjawab di sela-sela sesapannya. “Feel free to use whatever’s in the bathroom.” ia melemparkan senyuman pada Michael yang dibalas dengan anggukan. Tatapan Evan yang seperti menunggunya mengatakan sesuatu membuatnya merasa canggung. “Lo mau ngomong sesuatu?”

Jadi ia selesaikan dengan, “Gue... mandi dulu?”

Kali ini senyuman Evan berubah jahil. “Gue juga kangen sama lo, Anjo.”

Kalimat Evan dibalas dengan putaran mata malas sebelum Michael menutup pintu kamar mandi di belakangnya.

---

Tak adanya pakaian bersih miliknya yang dapat dikenakan Michael membuatnya harus puas berjalan di dalam apartemen Evan dengan bathrobe berwarna putih tebal identik dengan yang dikenakan Evan sekarang. (Tentu saja Evan sudah menawarkan pakaiannya untuk dikenakan dan dibawa pulang Michael, yang langsung ditolaknya mentah-mentah.) Kakinya menuntunnya mendekat pada lelaki yang sedang mengisi sebuah gelas kosong yang serupa dengan gelas dengan isi yang masih tersisa sedikit di atas meja. Langkahnya terhenti ketika pandangannya terpaku pada botol hitam yang dipegang Evan.

Ia bahkan tidak perlu menyentuh botol tersebut untuk mengetahui identitasnya. “1947? Bisa-bisanya lo buka Cheval Blanc diluar hari spesial,” Michael mendengus pelan.

“Kata siapa ini bukan hari spesial, Anjo?” Lelaki itu menyodorkan gelas yang baru diisinya pada Michael, yang diambilnya tanpa kata. Ia kemudian menuangkan wine yang sama ke dalam gelas miliknya hingga menyamai isi gelas Michael. “You’re here. It’s enough reason to call for a bottle of Blanc.” Senyum penuh arti Evan membuat telinga Michael terasa agak hangat. Ia harap warnanya tidak ikut berubah merah.

Michael mengetukkan base gelasnya pada gelas Evan sebelum memutar cairan merah di dalamnya, mendekatkannya pada hidungnya sesaat sebelum menyesap minuman tersebut. Opulent. Ia tidak ingat kapan terakhir kali pernah mencicipi wine dengan kaliber ini.

“Udah baikan?” Michael memulai percakapan untuk memecah keheningan di antara mereka. Suaranya membuat Evan berhenti memainkan gelas wine yang sedang diapit dua jarinya.

“Never been better.” lawan bicaranya memutar bahu kanannya sebagai pembuktian. “I can even handle a hit on my chest.”

“Jangan gila,” he lets out a small sigh. “Gue udah nggak jagain lo lagi kalau ada apa-apa. Jangan bikin khawatir.”

“Khawatir, eh?”

“Maksud gue-”

“Leave it at that, Anjo. I do enjoy your slip-ups of attention.” kedipan mata Evan tidak dihiraukan Michael yang sedang berpura-pura sibuk menghabiskan isi gelasnya. Tawa Evan yang mengikuti setelahnya tidak seharusnya terdengar seperti tempat yang ingin disinggahinya. “Help yourself.” is enough invitation for Michael to pour in another fill of the crazy rare, expensive alcohol that Evan does not seem to care whether he wants to drink it or bathe in it. Jadi, kali ini Michael mengisi gelasnya kembali tanpa meminta izin terlebih dulu.

Pandangan Evan dialihkannya kepada pemandangan artifisial yang dibangun dan ditata sedemikian rupa oleh manusia satu-persatu hingga menjadi tempat yang disebut sebagai perkotaan. Gemerlap lampu yang berasal dari gedung-gedung tinggi dan jalanan Sabtu malam di Seoul menghiasi kota yang sudah lupa rasanya beristirahat sejenak. Michael mengekori.

Tanggung jawab akan badannya sendiri adalah hal mutlak. Untuk itu, Michael telah membangun toleransinya akan alkohol dengan baik. Akan sulit bagi konsentrasi alkohol dalam dua gelas 1947 Cheval Blanc untuk membuatnya tumbang. Namun, ia tahu kalau satu atau dua gelas lagi akan membuatnya lebih rileks.

How long has it been for Michael since he last allowed himself to be a mere human?

Selama masa dedikasinya pada DERN, Michael banyak berkenalan dengan berbagai macam orang dan hal baru. Segala hal yang dapat memicu dan membangun kemampuannya akan dicobanya, jika dirasa dibutuhkan. Semua, kecuali rasa takut. Berbatasan dengannya pun Michael tidak sudi.

Tidak sudi, atau pembatasan diri terhadap kelemahan yang ia sadar mungkin tak dapat ia kontrol begitu keberadaannya diakui?

“Pasti lo lagi mikir.” suara Evan memutus rantai pikirannya seketika. Perhatiannya sudah kembali ke saat ini. “Kenceng banget sampe gue bisa denger.”

“Ngada-ngada lo.” Michael kembali mengangkat botol hitam di sebelahnya untuk menuangkan kembali minuman tersebut ke dalam gelasnya. Kali ini, Michael menenggaknya seakan cairan tersebut berisikan bir murahan yang biasa diselundupkan teman-teman sepermainannya sebagai medium permainan konyol dan bukan alkohol dengan usia lebih tua dari orangtuanya dengan harga selangit.

Alih-alih mengusilinya seperti biasa, Evan hanya menatapnya dengan pandangan yang tidak bisa ia baca. Aneh, bahkan setelah melewati kelas analisis keperilakuan dan sub-kelas lanjutannya.

“Mike.” ia bisa mendengar perubahan nada yang menandakan perpindahan perasaan hati Evan. Kali ini, ia tahu. Karena ini adalah persona Evan Cho yang hampir tidak pernah dikeluarkannya, setidaknya di muka publik. Ia bahkan tidak ingat jika Evan pernah seserius ini di depan orang lain. Semua, kecuali…

Kali ini, ia membawa wajahnya sedikit ke atas. Sepasang matanya bertemu pandang dengan pasangan mata pemilik suara dari sosok di hadapannya. Seketika tenggorokannya terasa kering. Namun kontras dengan hal itu, tubuhnya menyambut rasa nyaman yang mulai timbul setelah gelas ketiga dan membuat awasnya sedikit mengabur. “Apa?”

“Lo berisik.” Evan melanjutkan.

Tatapan Michael datar. “I didn’t even say anything.”

“Your head,” Evan mempersempit jarak diantara mereka sekarang. Dari posisi ini, Michael bisa melihat fitur wajah Evan yang biasanya tidak ia perhatikan. Pandangannya turun ke tempat lain. Apapun, selain kedua bola matanya yang sibuk menelaah mata Michael yang selalu sengaja dibuatnya tak terbaca. “It’s fucking loud.” mereka kini hanya dibatasi oleh ruang bernafas. “Don’t think, Anjo,” Ujung hidung mereka bertemu, dan Michael tahu kesempatannya untuk berputar balik sudah lama hilang. “And follow what you really want.”

Mungkin cairan yang telah bersatu dengan sistemnya itu adalah sebuah dorongan yang dibutuhkannya. Maybe it’s the right push to his button. He’s perfectly sober, mind you. God forbid if he ever catch himself in a lack of conscious decision.

Namun sekarang, membiarkan dirinya untuk sedikit lebih dekat kepada sisi kemanusiaannya tak terdengar separah dalam pikirannya.

Thinks.

So for once, he doesn’t.

Hal terakhir yang Michael lihat adalah pupil Evan yang terdiltasi sebelum bibir mereka bertemu.

---

Isi kepalanya ia tukarkan dengan insting manusiawinya. Jika lumrahnya Michael adalah seorang dengan tingkat kuasa tubuh tinggi, hari ini mungkin adalah kali pertamanya ia membiarkan badannya menuntun kemana mereka akan pergi. Hingga saat ini, ia masih tidak percaya ia baru saja membiarkan Evan melucuti bathrobe-nya dengan sukarela, apalagi saat membiarkannya mempersiapkan Michael dengan suara yang mati-matian ditahannya.

Dorongan di dada Evan tidak mendapat perlawanan berarti. Badannya dibiarkan mengikuti tarikan gravitasi, dengan Michael yang tiba-tiba sudah menjadikan pangkuan Evan sebagai singgasananya. Persetan menjadi tontonan untuk kepuasan pribadi Evan. Ia lebih tidak sudi jika lelaki itu menjadi alasannya kehilangan kontrol yang setidaknya ingin ia pegang sekalipun dalam kepayahannya.

Cairan itu. Cairan merah itu. Michael akan selalu menyalahkan longgarnya kontrol akan dirinya sendiri pada cairan itu. Bagaimana pikirannya sekarang dipenuhi dengan hal-hal berkonotasi kotor yang ingin dilakukannya dengan Evan. Menurutnya gila jika tatapan Evan yang kini menggelap padanya membuatnya menjadi seperti ini, tapi kenyataannya, ia menginginkannya.

Evan bersiul singkat. “Feisty, aren’t we.”

“Shut the fuck up, Evan.” you took control off of me. Tidak disuarakan. “I’m not letting you get the pleasure of seeing me under you.“

“I mean… no objection. I’m enjoying this view.” Michael dapat merasakan sentuhan Evan di kedua sisi pinggangnya, mengelus kulitnya dari atas ke bawah. Ia membiarkan mata Evan mengeksplor setiap inci tubuhnya tanpa rasa malu. Pedulinya hilang. Ia tidak merasa ingin memukul Evan sama sekali kali ini. “You’re fucking gorgeous, Anjo.”

“You told me not to think,” Michael menaikkan tubuhnya sedikit untuk membantu Evan mengarahkan miliknya pada selatannya. Ia merasa seperti berasa di puncak dunia sekarang. Ia bahkan tidak memutus tatapan mata mereka ketika Evan akhirnya mendorong dirinya ke dalam Michael dengan perlahan. “Then be so quick my brain can't even keep up.”

Evan's smirk is fucking handsome. Michael wants to kiss it stupid. “Challenge accepted.”

---

Nyatanya, kali keempat mereka menandakan pemindahan kekuasaan yang awalnya dipegang Michael—dimana kini, Evan telah berada di atasnya. Kecuali, tak ada hitam diatas putih dengan tinta yang kelewat mahal disana, seperti waktu dimana ia berhasil mengambil alih sub-keluarga mafia Italia di Point Nemo dalam sebuah kapal pesiar mewah ilegal yang sedang melakukan pelayaran.

Tangan Evan cepat, kelewat cepat dibandingkan protes yang lumrahnya akan keluar dari mulut Michael di momen ia membalikkan posisi mereka kini. Duvet milik Evan terasa panas di punggungnya yang lengket. Tidak sampai sepersekian detik sampai Evan kembali menghujaninya dengan dorongan yang cepat kembali ke dalam Michael.

“Ah, Evan-Evan—” suara tamparan kulit bertemu kulit terdengar di seluruh ruangan kamar Evan. Rasanya yang mereka lakukan sudah kepalang terlalu jauh jika Michael ingin merasa malu. But he is.

Ia membiarkan tubuhnya sendiri membimbingnya ke tempat yang ia inginkan, dengan lengannya yang kini melingkari leher Evan. Tangannya meremas bahu lelaki itu kuat, berpegangan seperti hidupnya bergantung padanya seorang. Dua jam bercinta dengan Evan adalah waktu yang lebih dari cukup baginya untuk mempelajari ritme gerakannya. Jadi, ia menggerakkan pinggulnya, lagi dan lagi, bertemu dengan Evan di tengah dengan nikmat. Thank fucking god for the invention of sound-proof walls, karena Michael yakin ia tidak akan bisa hidup tenang mengetahui kemungkinan ada orang lain selain dirinya dan satu manusia lain yang sedang intim dengannya mendengar suara-suara tak tahu malu yang dibuatnya.

(Bahkan Michael ingin menghapus ingatan Evan akan ekspresi yang dibuatnya setiap kali Evan bersatu dengan dirinya, jika bisa. Terlalu memalukan.)

Michael menengadah begitu Evan menemukan titik spesifik di dalamnya dengan desahan pelan. “Disitu, ya?” Mata Evan melembut, kontras dengan tangannya di bagian paha dalam Michael yang sedang—tanpa tahu malu—melebarkan kedua kakinya untuk bergerak lebih leluasa, mencari tempat dimana ia dapat membuat Michael menggelinjang lagi. Ia tahu pegangannya di punggung Evan setidaknya akan sedikit membuat kulitnya memar. “It feels good there, mm?”

Beberapa percobaan lagi sebelum akhirnya Evan kembali menemukan tempat dimana ia bisa memanjakan Michael tanpa jeda. Reaching the place that makes him see stars. Gerakan pendek dan cepatnya seperti menghilangkan kemampuan Michael untuk menguntai kosakata yang koheren. Hanya nama Evan yang dapat diingatnya, keluar berkali-kali dari bibir merahnya di sela-sela desahannya. Seperti sumpah yang menandai setianya pada entitas agung suci tanpa mengenal kapan harus berhenti.

“You’re so loud. Is it that good, Anjo?” Michael tidak sadar volume suaranya yang berangsur mengeras. Mungkin ia sudah kehilangan pedulinya. At this moment, it feels like only him and Evan that exist in the world. “You’re getting tighter,” bibir Evan dibiarkannya bertemu dengan miliknya kembali, melumat erangan Michael yang sudah tak ditahan-tahan lagi.

Michael tidak tahu apakah akan ada kesempatan untuknya di kehidupan ini dimana ia bisa merasa tenang membalas tatapan mata Evan yang ia tahu hanya ditunjukkan bagi dirinya seorang. Pengandaian bukan perkara sulit, namun Michael tidak ingin terlena oleh fana yang tidak dapat dimilikinya sebagaimana keraspun ia berusaha. Ada limitasi-limitasi dari kemanusiaannya yang dibatasi oleh sekat tak terlihat bernama takdir yang tak dapat diubahnya, sekalipun ia bersedia menjual jiwanya kepada sang Iblis. Karena hal terakhir yang diinginkan Michael untuk terjadi, adalah celah kelemahan yang memiliki badan dan pikiran sendiri.

“Close, Evan, fuck, I lov—”

(Evan bukan matahari dan Michael bukan bumi yang bergravitasi mengelilinginya tanpa bisa mengatur bagaimana semesta bekerja. Evan adalah lautan dalam, dengan kedalaman yang tak tersentuh semakin jauh ia masuk. Jauh di lubuk hatinya, Michael adalah sebuah keinginan. Menyelami lautan bukanlah hal yang absolut. Penyelaman adalah sebuah pilihan.

Matahari terbenam di ujung cakrawala kala itu menjadi pemandangan yang luar biasa, dan ia tahu betul arti dari menjatuhkan pilihannya pada laut dalam. Malam itu seperti tanda bahwa ia telah memilih untuk membenamkan dirinya. Tekanan di dadanya meningkat seiring turunnya Michael ke dalam, dan dalam, membiarkan kegelapan mengambilnya, hingga tidak ada lagi tempat yang dapat diraih oleh sang matahari untuk menuntunnya kembali ke permukaan.)

---

Sinar matahari yang menyelip dari sela-sela gorden beristirahat di sisi wajah Evan. Hangat.

Ia membiarkan dirinya terkulai dalam posisi yang sama untuk beberapa menit sebelum akhirnya bangkit duduk dengan mata yang masih tertutup dan rambut yang acak-acakan. Butuh beberapa saat bagi Evan untuk mengumpulkan kesadarannya di pagi hari.

Tak ada yang berbeda dari biasanya. Kaca kamarnya yang tertutup gorden, duvet putih, sisa samar scented candle wangi musk-nya yang dimatikan sebelum tidur, ruang di sebelah kasurnya yang terasa dingin, segalanya terasa seperti biasanya.

Walaupun seharusnya, yang terjadi kemarin malam mengindikasikan semua hal yang jauh berbeda dari biasanya.

Bahkan dalam keadaan setengah mengantuknya, ini bukan skenario yang tidak diantisipasi oleh Evan sama sekali. Tidak. Bahkan ia bisa bilang dengan kepercayaan diri tinggi, bahwa ini adalah hal yang tipikal dilakukan bagi dia. Ini juga bukan pertama kalinya lelaki itu pergi tanpa kata.

Tanpa perlu dibilang, Evan tahu mengapa ini adalah akibat yang dipilihnya dari sebab yang mereka lakukan.

Ia membiarkan matanya kembali memindai sudut-sudut ruangan apartemennya perlahan. Kondisi kamarnya rapi dengan barang-barang yang tertata tanpa bekas debu sedikitpun. Lantainya bersih. Tidak dengan dua pasang bathrobe putih identik yang ditanggalkan dengan asal disana. Tidak pula dengan isi tempat sampahnya yang seharusnya tidak sekosong itu.

Seperti tak berbekas. Seperti tidak ada saksi pergumulan kemarin malam dengan deklarasi terdalam yang hampir keluar. Semua, kecuali sebotol Cheval Blanc yang bertengger di tengah mini bar-nya dengan keadaan setengah kosong.

Ia mengerti.

Apakah ia menyesal?

Tidak.

Tapi ia tahu, sakit yang ia rasakan kali ini tidak berasal dari luka di dadanya.

#inked

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and-the-chupacabra · 5 years ago

Text

Hal Picardi; Twelve Chapters and Still Going Strong

CHAPTER 1: PICARDI

The year is 2006. Mia Picardi (portrayed by Monica Bellucci) is one step away from becoming the greatest art curator in Newark and she had two kids, Hal and Sue. She just married a man, the name’s Niccolo Benneditto (portrayed by Vincent Cassel), and for a moment everything was great.

Hal was the weakest link in the chain. Ibunya wanita karir, independen dan protektif ke anak-anaknya, bertahun-tahun jadi single-parent dan udah nggak percaya lagi sama laki-laki sampai ketemu Niccolo; Sue tahu banget dengan apa yang dia sukai, dan sekalipun dia nggak benar-benar mahir pada satu bidang tertentu, she has that sense of “aku ingin melakukan ini”. Hal, di lain sisi, dia bahkan nggak tahu dia kepingin apa. He’s struggling with narcolepsy and he let other people, especially his family, decide everything for him. Dan karena ini juga, dia sering banget lupa daratan. Antara dia bakal ngawang banget atau langsung nyerocos panjang lebar tanpa juntrungan, karena dia nggak punya sedikit pun kekhawatiran kalau anything can go wrong.

CHAPTER 2: CONGRATULATION, YOU’RE A DEMIGOD

Entah mana yang lebih bikin syok. Bahwa Niccolo sebenarnya adalah seekor satir atau bahwa Hal dan Sue anak dewa. Sue was happy and excited. Dalam bayangan Sue, dia bakal kayak Hercules. Dalam bayangan Sue, dia bakal jadi pahlawan, belajar berantem, bertemu hal-hal magis dan keren, dan macem-macem lagi.

Hal, on the other hand, was scared. He doesn’t like this at all. Untuk pertama kali dalam hidupnya, dia merasa kayak dia punya tanggung jawab—untuk belajar, untuk melindungi diri sendiri, untuk melindungi Sue. Dia merasa kayak dia harus bisa, sementara dalam hati dia percaya banget, “Aku nggak bisa apa-apa.”

He keeps telling people that he doesn’t want to be a hero. Truth is it’s not that he doesn’t want to be a hero. He knows, or at least believes, that there’s no way he can be a hero.

CHAPTER 3: HAIL HYDRA?

Teman pertama Hal di perkemahan adalah Grady. Mereka ketemu di sekitaran bukit, dalam perjalanan menuju perkemahan, saat ada Hydra ngamuk. Hal kena sembur. Tapi saat itu, dalam pikiran pertamanya adalah dia harus cari Sue.

Para pekemah pada angkat-angkat senjata, nyerang Hydra, dan Hal mencoba sebisanya buat menjauh dari amukan si Hydra. Saat itulah dia lihat Grady. Dalam artian dia lihat bagaimana Grady langsung merangsek maju buat nyerang si Hydra, padahal Grady sendiri sama pupuk bawangnya kayak Hal. Di situ Hal langsung amazed sama Grady. Di situ, saya seakan langsung tahu. Hal nggak kepingin jadi orang yang merangsek maju ke dalam bahaya. Langsung tahu kalau Hal kepingin jadi temen yang berdiri di belakang, sebisanya bersikap suportif ke temennya.

CHAPTER 4: EMBRACING HIS SIDEKICK-NESS

I love sidekicks. Samwise Gamgee, Ron Weasley, Luigi, Dr. Watson, you name it all. Saya tahu Hal jelasnya terlalu penakut kalau dibandingin dengan tokoh-tokoh tersebut, tapi ini dia jalur yang saya inginkan buat dia: jadi sidekick.

Teman-teman lain yang Hal temui di awal-awal dia masuk perkemahan adalah Brie sama Elektra. Saya langsung jatuh hati banget sama dinamika Grady, Hal, Brie, sama Elektra, karena langsung bisa kebayang betapa berbedanya mereka berempat sementara mereka berada di usia yang sama. Saya juga suka betapa Grady, Brie, dan Elektra bisa ngasih saya ruang buat makin mupuk mental sidekick-nya Hal. Mereka bertiga itu punya mental pahlawan dengan cara mereka sendiri-sendiri, hingga pada akhirnya, tanpa Hal sadari, dia belajar tentang pertemanan dan loyalitas. They grow up together and that’s just one of the best things I will always remember in Hal’s character development.

CHAPTER 5: BEING CLAIMED

Dari awal, Hal nggak pernah ada bayangan siapa orang tua dewanya. Dia nggak pernah mikirin juga dia merasa bagaimana dengan ayahnya. Ketika dia diklaim Hypnos, reaksi pertamanya adalah bingung. He wished he felt something. Anger, sadness, happiness, anything, but he just can’t. Dia luar biasa indifferent dengan kejadian tersebut.

Ketika pada akhirnya dia pindah ke Kabin Lima Belas, dia merasa diterima. Untuk pertama kalinya dalam hidup Hal, dia jadi anak bungsu. Untuk pertama kalinya, dia merasa dia nggak punya apapun untuk dikhawatirkan. Dia mungkin merasa luar biasa indifferent sama Hypnos, tapi dia sayang saudara-saudara sekabinnya.

CHAPTER 6: HAL AND SUE, ONCE AGAIN

Pada tahap ini, situasi berbalik seratus delapan puluh derajat. Hal was happy and excited; Sue was angry and jealous. Hal punya banyak teman dan dia nggak perlu bergantung lagi sama Sue. Perlahan dia berubah jadi independen. Premis My Own Private Idaho (1991), di mana tokoh utamanya menderita narkolepsi parah, perlahan mulai ditanggalkan.

Hubungan antara Hal dan Sue semakin renggang ketika Hal diakui. Kadang Sue nginep di Kabin Lima Belas, tapi itu pun karena tawaran Dorcas, bukan karena ajakan Hal. Hal knew something was wrong, but he didn’t want to confront Sue about it.

CHAPTER 7: APPLE FLYNN

Bahkan perlu bab sendiri untuk Apple Flynn, karena Apple Flynn adalah awal mula dari chardev terpenting yang sampai sekarang masih melekat sama Hal: finding substitutes for Sue.

Pertama kali Hal bertemu Apple adalah ketika Hal belum diklaim. Tapi, saat itu pun hubungan Hal dengan Sue udah renggang. He saw her little sister in Apple and he can’t help but being nice to Apple. Dia rela kelinci buruannya dipelihara Apple. Dia ngajak Apple main Secret Santa. Dia bantuin Apple pelihara kelinci. Dia beliin Apple boneka kelinci saat kelincinya Apple mati. So on and so on. Being nice to Apple makes him feel good about himself, and that’s really the very beginning of how he’s addicted to being nice to everyone to soothe himself, to convince himself, that he’s a good person. He felt guilty for not being good enough. Or, in this case, not being good enough for Sue, and this is the only way he can cope with it.

CHAPTER 8: PORTLAND

Musim panas 2007, beberapa pekemah hilang bersama cahaya. Esme Forsythe di antaranya. Hal merasa bersalah, karena obrolan terakhirnya sama Esme sangat nggak menyenangkan untuk diingat-ingat. Dari awal saya tahu Hal adalah karakter yang mudah banget terpukul sama emosi-emosi negatif, tapi ini pertama kalinya emosi negatif yang dia rasakan adalah rasa bersalah.

Untuk pertama kalinya, dia merasa sendirian. Dia kepingin cerita ke Grady, tapi saat itu, di musim gugur, Grady ngajak ketemuan dan minta bantuan. Saat dia tahu bantuan macam apa yang Grady minta, dia jadi urung cerita, soalnya dia merasa benar-benar nggak kepingin nambah beban pikiran Grady. Dia kepingin cerita ke Brie, nggak bisa juga, soalnya Brie sendiri lagi kehilangan dan ... Brie yang datang ke Hal buat curhat.

Jadi akhirnya dia merencanakan kabur dari rumah. Jalan sendirian ke Portland, mampir ke rumahnya Esme buat ngasih tahu ayahnya Esme kalau putrinya hilang. That’s the only way Hal can cope with his guilt. Di tahap itu juga, bertambahlah satu chardev penting dalam hidup Hal: dia nggak berani jujur tentang perasaannya, soalnya takut kalau dia malah bikin orang lain khawatir dan akhirnya orang lain nggak pernah datang lagi ke dia buat curhat.

CHAPTER 9: SHELLEY BROWNING

When will these chapters end, you asked? Trust me, this just the tip of the iceberg (...)

Shelley Browning was just an acquaintance. Paling enggak, semuanya bermula gitu. Hal pertama dekat dengan Shelley sejak mereka sering masak-masak bareng. Itu jauh sebelum ada pekemah yang hilang ditelan cahaya. Lalu, saat Shelley termasuk salah satu pekemah yang hilang ditelan cahaya, terus terang saja Hal juga nggak terlalu emosional dengan kejadian tersebut.

Selepas balik dari Portland, hati Hal masih kerasa berat banget. He tried his best to cope with the situation. Dia kembali jadi Hal yang ceria dan easygoing, meski sejujurnya masih terpukul dengan apa yang terjadi.

Musim dingin 2007-2008, mendadak beberapa pekemah yang sempat hilang ditelan cahaya balik lagi. Salah satunya Shelley. Hal was glad. He looked around wishing Esme and Emille was among those campers too, tapi ternyata cuma Shelley temannya yang balik. Lalu sejenak sedih lagi (...) tapi di situ dia jadi menyadari kalau dia nggak bisa mengharapkan semua orang selamat. Di situ dia jadi menyadari kalau dia mesti fokus dengan orang-orang yang ada di sekitarnya alih-alih orang yang jauh; the people he can actually reach and take care of, and make sure they’re fine.

This is another one of important character developments for Hal. Dia ingin meyakinkan ke semua orang, ke semua temannya, that he’ll always be there for them. Dan semua itu bermula dari Shelley. She was broken and losing her grip. Hal pergi ke Texas dengan keberanian yang sama yang dia punya saat dia pergi ke Portland seorang diri. Kenapa? Kalau dia nggak bisa membuat Shelley merasa seperti di rumah saat di perkemahan, then he’ll bring that feeling of “having friend and being home” to her.

CHAPTER 10: GENG GANJA

Hal Picardi bangkit dari depresinya, begitu pula Shelley. Di sini dia mencoba berteman dengan lebih banyak orang, salah satunya Dick sama Aspyn. Sejujurnya Hal juga nggak kenal-kenal amat, tapi Hal udah nggak peduli lagi. Sejak Brie pergi misi dan sejak dia jarang ngomong lagi sama Grady, everyone’s a friend now. Dia nggak kepingin mengikat pertemanannya sama orang-orang itu aja, karena kalau ternyata mereka pergi... dia nggak punya siapa-siapa lagi. He felt like a left behind and he doesn’t want to feel like that anymore.

Lalu lahirlah... geng ganja (nama ini nggak canon, inside joke antar PM aja). Dia berbagi otak sama Dick. Mereka berbisnis, cari untung dengan jualin hal-hal yang lagi dicari remaja-remaja emo kekinian (mulai dari taser, fake ID, dan entah apa lagi). Lalu dia kepikiran dia harus ajak Shelley juga. Di tahap ini, Hal nggak kepingin ada temannya yang merasa ditinggalkan. Ini proyeksi banget, soalnya dia merasa ditinggalkan sama Brie, Esme, Grady, dan siapa-siapa aja yang sebelumnya sering deket-deket banget sama dia. Lantas kalau dia ngajak Shelley, maka... kenapa nggak ngajak Aspyn Reno sekalian kan. Percayalah, di sini Hal sama sekali nggak ngeh kalau ternyata Aspyn naksir Shelley (PM-NYA AJA BAHKAN NGGAK TAHU WOI).

Aspyn wasn’t exactly nice to Hal in the beginning of their ‘friendship’, terlebih sejak dia ngajak Aspyn ke Texas. Hal meyakini bahwa Aspyn terganggu dengan sesuatu yang pernah Hal lakukan. He felt guilty. Dia yakin bahwa dia pernah salah omong ke Aspyn alih-alih karena, well, Shelley (...) Hal also genuinely thinks that probably Aspyn act like that because he’s not being nice enough to Aspyn. I mean... Hal is pretty close with Dick (especially during that one particular CtF) and Shelley, but he never got the chance to be close with Aspyn. Dia merasa bersalah karena dia ngira Aspyn nggak merasa diterima, jadi setiap kali dia punya kesempatan, dia berusaha showering Aspyn with love and care (...)

CHAPTER 11: HERE COMES DIMA

Dima Kuznets adalah pengganti Apple Flynn. Dima Kuznets adalah dia yang menemani Hal ketika anak-anak pergi cari penawar ke Alaska. Dima thought that Hal was there for him, but it’s actually the other way around. She was there for him. Hal baru saja kehilangan Sue (she died, and yes I’m just going to mention that casually) dan temannya entah pada ke mana semua (...) Tapi ada Dima, yang datang ke Hal dan butuh sosok untuk mengayomi. Di tahap ini, Hal menyadari kalau dia ketagihan jadi sosok pengayom tersebut. Dia merasa dipercaya dan dibutuhkan dan dia ingin seterusnya jadi sosok kayak gitu.

CHAPTER 12: EMBRACING HIS MACHIAVELLIANISM

Ketika saya membuat karakter ini... jujur saja saya nggak membayangkan kalau dia bakal jadi begitu... manipulatif. I’m looking back at chapter one, remembering how innocent and helpless this boy was. I’m looking back at chapter four, remembering how naive he was about his friendship with Grady, Brie, and Elektra. And now I’m writing this chapter.

Intinya dia muak. Intinya dia capek juga terus-terusan meltdown karena terlalu yakin bahwa temannya bakal terus ada di sisinya. Intinya dia capek di-guilt trip Esme. He was trying his best to be a nice and caring person, but Esme questions his motives and that’s just ... too much for Hal to handle. Dia merasa percuma genuinely pours his heart while taking care of someone.

Jadi sekarang... setiap kali dia punya kesempatan... he does... “that thing”. He’s being manipulative towards Katya and Shelley... and he shouldn’t because these two genuinely need his help. Terutama Katya. Dia memanfaatkan betapa rapuhnya Katya dengan, “Oh, it’s okay, I’ll always be there for you”. Kalau saja Katya sama Shelley bertemu Hal saat Hal masih naif-naifnya, saat Hal masih membanjiri orang dengan genuine loyalty, bisa kubayangkan Hal beneran bakal beneran peduli dan nggak sekadar manipulatif supaya mereka berdua nggak depend ke dia.

BOTTOMLINE

Dua belas bab. Dua belas bab dan belum selesai. Saya hanya kepingin berterima kasih sama semua yang udah betah-betahnya main sama Hal, padahal karakter ini cair banget. Cair dalam artian dia nggak ada konsep yang jelas. Bayangan di kepala saya adalah saya kepingin dia living in the moment, jadi nggak usah kebanyakan overthinking masa depan atau masa lalu. Akhirnya, saya rasa karakter ini jadi dangkal juga. Jujur saya paham kalau misalnya ada yang WB main sama Hal, but thanks for your time. Satu karakter lain yang belum sempat benar-benar saya bahas di sini kayaknya Dorcas. Intinya saya suka banget dinamika Hal sama Dorcas, dan tampaknya saya masih sulit menyampaikan perasaan saya dalam kata-kata. Saya juga belum bahas Brie sama Esme, I think those two deserves their own chapter, tapi (lagi) saya masih sulit menyampaikannya dalam kata-kata. Lalu belum tahu juga kan kalau Aspyn... tewas. Kurasa akan ada chardev part 2, tapi entah kapan.

P.S. Lupa nambahin. Akhir kata, saya perlahan menyadari kalau Hal ternyata lebih sensian daripada yang saya pikir. Semuanya dimasukkan ke hati. Di awal-awal perkembangannya, kayaknya sifat ini nggak muncul karena dia easygoing. Semakin ke sini... ah, semakin membatin.

#character development #Hal Picardi #Eleftheria I Thanatos

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