#sasuke: what tf do you mean ''only on the desk''???

[evilkitten3]

au where itachi actually did just Decide To Do That and tobito made up the whole story about him being ordered to bc he wanted to sic him on killer bee (and maybe snatch that yummy yummy kotoamatsukami) so when sasuke shows up at the summit and demands danzou explain himself danzou has no fucking clue what he's talking about

[sevitent]

@timaeusstestified @timaeusstestified @timaeusstestified

ch 1:

[a/n: wrote this in class so there might be errors gomenasai!! arigatogozaimasu for reading!!]

“aku-chan-senpai!”

it was after school on a friday. most of the students had gone home for the day, leaving only the two of them, alone in the courtyard. jun rifled through the pockets of their authentic komaeda jacket (they had obtained it only the day before, besting komaeda in a knife fight and taking it as a trophy), taking out a pink envelope carefully decorated with glittery pink hearts.

“aku-chan-senpai?” they tried again to get the other’s attention, fidgeting nervously. after what seemed like an eternity, akutagawa turned to face them, a scowl scrawled across their face.

“what do you want, peasant?” [a/n: i think jun wants to be called a peasant? might be a fetish idk] he looked down on jun, despite them both being 5’8, and jun hesitantly extended the letter towards akutagawa-

only for it to be ripped to shreds in their hands by rashomon.

ch 2:

“tch. i can’t believe you think i’d ever be interested in you.” akutagawa turns and starts to walk away, leaving jun behind. jun falls to their knees, scrambling to pick up the torn pieces of their letter. they give up bc there’s too many of them and stand up, walking in the opposite direction while crying loudly. their 100% genuine komaeda shirt is getting soaked but they don’t care. the love of their life just rejected them.

they don’t see that akutagawa has stopped in his tracks, feeling immensely guilty. turning, he calls out. "jun-chan, wait."

jun spins, looking up hopefully. cherry blossom petals swirl around akutagawa; he looks ethereal in the fading sunlight. “yes, aku-chan-senpai?”

he shoves his hands into his pockets, blushing heavily. “hey, i feel bad, so like, wanna go on a date with me?” he looks away. “it’s not like i like you or anything though, baka.”

“really? you want to?” jun looks up, hope shining in their eyes. komaeda has succeeded, hope has spread just a bit further today. too bad he’s dead.

the two run towards each other, and they collide in the middle, akutagawa wrapping his arms around jun. there are still cherry blossoms falling. it’s so romantic.

“so where do you want to go?” akutagawa asks.

jun’s stomach growls bc they just ran 420 miles for xc. “can we get food?”

ch 3:

an hour later they’re walking through a park that’s somehow completely empty except for the two of them.  akutagawa has ice cream and jun has bubble tea. they just ate at restaurant or smth idk. their fingers are intertwined and they’re gay.

jun hod insisted on being romantic so they wandered off the path and got lost in the forest, but eventually they manage to find their way back to the official path and not get mauled to death by bears. walking forward a bit, they come to a courtyard which is somehow also empty. anime magic.

they decide to take a seat on the edge of a fountain and fall into an easy silence. it’s super chill and stuff, but jun has a question.

“aku-chan-senpai, what do you like most about me?” jun looks up at him curiously. akutagawa ponders for a second before responding.

“your sunglasses. they’re really neat.”

“:o [a/n: what the fuck jun. how did you say an emoticon. are you okay.] i got them from this really nice man. i had to kill him for them tho.” they sip their bubble tea. “they look really nice though. definitely worth it.”

akutagawa nods in agreement, reaching into his pocket. “jun, now i have a question for you.”

“okay!” jun turns away to set down their tea, but when they turn back, akutagawa is kneeling in front of them, a small box in his hands. they open it to reveal a ring.

ch 4:

“jun, will you-“

suddenly, out of the bushes by the fountain leapt sasuke, having just gotten off from work.

“jun-chan! i can’t believe this!” jun looked into his eyes and saw a mixture of sadness and disbelief as they stepped towards him.

akutagawa stood up, confused. “babe, who’s this?”

“im his boyfriend, fUCKER.” sasuke was rabid. “and who do you think you are?”

akutagawa turned away, pulling jun close. “tch. *im* the one he’s in love with.”

not wanting to enrage sasuke further, jun stepped away from akutagawa. it was a mistake. he immediately looked ready to cry, distress written in every feature of his face. “aku-chan-senpai! don’t cry!” but it was too late. akutagawa had fallen onto his hands and knees, the amount of tears pouring from his eyes rivaling the amount of water in the fountain. jun has to step away so they don’t drown.

“that’s what i thought.” sasuke said smugly. he crossed his arms and strode over to pull jun towards him. “why would jun want to be with you, when he could be with me, a world famous stripper.” he paused “besides. you have rabies and that’s gross.”

jun pulled away with disgust. “you have rabies too, sasuke.”

sasuke screamed in horror. “JUN!!1! i trusted you not to tell anyone!”

jun shrugged. “you were being mean to akutagawa.” they turned away, hiding their face. “i don’t think this is going to work sasuke... we need to break up”

ch 5:

akutagawa, who had finally stopped fucking crying, looked up in joy. “jun-chan!”

sasuke gasps in horror. “this can’t be happening jun…after all we’ve been through” he looks down. “i broke up with naruto for you…we even got matching haircuts..." sasuke stares at the ground sadly, tears welling in his black orbs.

jun's heart aches and they reach out with one hand. "we can still be friends bro..."

sasuke's head jerks up and his eyes are bright red. “i even got you that ninja band!” he pauses, breathing heavily. “i thought you were bae…” he looks away. “turns out you’re just fam…”

jun trembles in a mixture of sadness and fear, but akutagawa grabs their arm, pulling them away and steadying them. “i’ll protect you, jun” he turns to glare at sasuke, rashomon crackling around him and jun. it’s very romantic.

looking up into akutagawa’s eyes (despite them still being the same height), jun is filled with love. [a/n: love is stored…in the ~~rat~~ jun] “senpai….”

“no!! this can’t be happening!!1!1” sasuke is rabid 2, electric boogaloo. he pulls out 69 kunai, drawing his arm back to attack.

before they know what’s happened, akutagawa shoves jun behind them, blocking them from the attack. rashomon blocks all the pointy knives and akutagawa opens his mouth to say something smug when he freezes and puts a hand to his chest. turns out sasuke also had the little ninja star things.

ch 6:

akutagawa falls backwards into jun’s arms. jun’s crying. akutagawa’s crying. “aku-chan-senpai!!! you can’t die! we-” jun chokes on their tears. they’re very sad. “we were going to get married….”

akutagawa gently touches the side of jun’s face. “don’t worry-“ he coughs blood. it stains jun’s 100% authentic komaeda jacket but they don’t care. “jun…” they make eye contact. “jun, i will always love y-“ his head drops. he’s dead can we get an f.

“no! noooo!!!” jun screams, shaking akutagawa. there’s no response. “this can’t be happening, this can’t, this can’t,” they’re muttering to themself.

sasuke laughs. “see! i told you i was the stronger one! look at that, he couldn’t even protect you.” he holds out his arms. “now come here”

jun doesn’t respond. they gently let akutagawa down, reaching under their coat to grab something. reaching up, they untie their ninja band, letting it drop to the ground. with their back to sasuke, they stand up.

“give your boyfriend a hug~” sasuke sounds happy.

turning on their heel, jun reveals what he had taken from akutagawa: a gun. who gave an emo teen a gun tf. “sasuke…” jun’s voice is quiet. they’re probably in shock idk.

sasuke sneers. “you can’t shoot me, coward. you love me too much.” he drops his weapons, t posing [a/n: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16507784 ]. “pull the trigger, i dare you.”

jun’s grip tightens on the gun. “sasuke……….i can’t believe you’ve done this….i used to love you….but now-“

theyre cut off by sasuke. “stop monologuing and pull the trigger. my arms are getting tired, you fuck.”

jun aims, puts their finger on the trigger, closes their eyes, pulls the trigger [a/n: fuck the safety]. there’s a really loud bang. so loud that jun goes deaf.

and everything fades to black.

coda:

there’s a loud beeping noise and jun opens their eyes to be greeted with ceiling komaeda. that means theyre in their bedroom, so…

they roll over, checking their phone. it says that it’s 6:01am on friday, april 20.

was it all a dream…?

they get up, performing daily rituals: greeting ceiling komaeda, kissing their mettaton poster, praying at their sasuke shrine, making their daily sacrifice to their guy fieri shrine. they decide to wear their komaeda outfit with their replica mettaton boots and their favorite sunglasses. it just feels right. when they pass their desk, something on it catches their eye: a pink envelope carefully decorated with glittery pink hearts.

“oh god oh fuck.”

[a/n: hope you enjoyed!!!]