#sara’s intoxicated thoughts

[romeowho]

omg, Tyler Alvarez is just playing an older Peter in Blockbuster, and this definitely feels like that one fanfic except no Sam. Griffin Gluck should guest star as his boyfriend childhood friend

[whowilllbringtherain]

STRAWBERRY DAIQUIRI

~ One Shot ~ Jake Kiszka / Drunk Female Reader

Word Count: +4.9k

Content Warnings: alcohol, drinking, being drunk, mentions of drunk driving (doesn’t happen though), drunk confessions, drunk decisions, embarrassing drunk escapades, desire/ flirtation, kissing, sexual advances, undressing, vomiting, gagging, fluffy fluffy/ caretaking/ respectful Jake.

“Okay girl, I did not realise you were gonna get this drunk,” Sara commented, taking your arm and pulling you away from the dance floor.

“Nooo,” you whined, trying your best to pull your body back to the space of flashing lights and music, but the intoxication had rendered your muscles useless, and your efforts futile.

Your friends had taken you clubbing as a birthday surprise. You usually weren’t too big on birthdays, or at least your own. You felt that a nice home cooked meal and a favourite movie was enough for a birthday activity, and that making too big of a deal out of it just wasn’t how you were brought up.

You also weren’t typically a party person, much preferring to spend your time cuddled up on the couch with a good book. Or cuddled up on the couch with Jake. Or both.

But tonight, after endless convincing, you were finally swayed to take the night off.

Work had been stressful lately, forcing you up at ungodly hours while you hunched over your computer in an attempt to make a start on the mess of work you had to sort through.

Jake was practically begging for you to go out by the end of the week, as seeing you stressed was the most painful thing for him to endure. And finally, you had agreed to ‘let your hair down for a night’.

Jake. Your absolute love. You had been dating for almost three years now, each day somehow better than the last as your love flourished like a garden of tender care and devotion. If anything was going to convince you to let off some steam and celebrate your birthday with your friends, it was going to be him.

You weren’t planning on getting drunk, as you usually preferred to sit on the sidelines anyways, sober and watching in amusement as your friends embarrassed themselves on the dance floor. In fact, you weren't sure if you'd had so much as a drink in all three years that you and Jake had been dating.

But somehow, in the midst of the night, one drink turned into two, and two turned into seven in a flash, carrying you through the dark and dizzy air of the club and straight onto the dance floor.

Hair stuck to the sweat on your face, and the straps of your little black dress fell off your shoulders as you danced shamelessly to the music that filled your ears.

Though, throughout the night you often caught yourself thinking of Jake. Wishing he was there with you.

As you danced, you wondered what he was doing in the same moment, and imagined him laying back on the plush cushions of your couch as he watched the TV. You imagined his ankles crossed as he rested his legs on the coffee table and you imagined the glass of red wine he would have poured for himself. You imagined how the liquid would pour past the glass and onto the soft flesh of his lips, and you imagined how the wine would seep past those lips and into his soft, delicious mouth. His skilled mouth.

“Hey guys, the Birthday Girl has had a bit too much to drink so we’re gonna head out,” Sara explained, pulling you from your wandering thoughts and you smiled at the sight of your friends, all sat around the table you had abandoned so early in the night.

Your eyes somehow caught the drink you were cradling before you had joined the dance floor, still half full, and before you knew it, you were downing the last few gulps of the fruity drink.

It slipped down your throat, icy and refreshing, and you were surprised that you could no longer taste the alcohol at all.

“No, no, no. No more for you,” Sara reprimanded, snatching the now empty glass from your clutches and setting it back down onto the table.

Begrudgingly, you said your goodbyes to your friends, before Sara pulled you out of the club.

The street before you twisted and turned, and you felt like the victim of one of those circus houses that throw your consciousness around in confusion and unbalance.

The feeling was familiar though, and you realised that you hadn’t been this drunk since high school.

Sara eyed you cautiously, laughing at your antics but still worried for your safety as she had never seen you get anywhere near this drunk. But she did find amusement in the way your eyes glassed over in intoxication, and the way your feet tripped over nothing on the flat concrete.

“I can’t wait to get in the car,” you announced, “M’feet, they so- it is so hurt,” you explained, unable to pick up on your mistakes as you fought to keep yourself upright. The street was spinning worse than before, and you wondered if maybe that half a drink before you left wasn’t such a good idea.

“I know girl, just a little bit further,” Sara encouraged.

When your balance returned, and you were able to focus on the other people walking down the street, you had a sudden flush of confidence. Feeling truly unstoppable, you came to the stark realisation that nobody cared what you did.

“It’s my birthday!” you yelled, arms flying into the sky and head tipping back in joy.

The world began to fall backwards, and you quickly felt Sara’s hands steady you, saving you from your inevitable collapse backwards.

Never one to turn down enthusiasm, Sara matched your energy to the fullest, “Hell yeah it is!” she yelled with the same excitement, whooping as she held onto your elbow tightly.

Sara helped you stumble into the car once you had made it there, and somehow talked her way through your drunk ramblings for the duration of the drive home.

“I want Jake,” you complained, head hitting the window painfully when you fell to the side to rest it, "Ow."

“Well good thing we’re nearly home then,” she said enthusiastically, making you instantly perk up.

“Oh yes, that’s the best,” you chirped, realising that the words that left your mouth were foreign, as you was unable to process or register what you were saying before you spoke them.

You tried to maintain your bearings for the rest of the car ride, willing away the occasional waves of nausea and focusing on your excitement to see Jake.

When Sara pulled into the driveway, you barely let the car stop before your seat belt was off and you threw yourself out of the car and onto the stone driveway.

You landed haphazardly, luckily still on your feet but sumbling nonetheless to the front door. Once you made the trek up the driveway to the front door, and regrettably realised you must have left your bag with your keys in the car, you reached up and knocked on the door repeatedly, unsure of how many times was the normal amount.

As the door swung open, and Jake’s face came into view, you fell forward into his arms, letting out a soft ‘ahhh’ as you inhaled his familiar scent.

“Woah,” he exclaimed, stumbling back at the unexpected impact, “Well hello to you too pretty girl, did you have a good night?” he asked with a chuckle, pulling away to look at your face.

“Mhmm,” you hummed.

His face turned grave in a matter of moments when he glanced behind you to see the black car parked in your driveway, unable to see Sara who was collecting the contents of your handbag that had spilt over the passenger seat.

“Baby how did you get home? You didn’t drive did you?” His hands held your hips tightly and his face held a grave seriousness.

You snorted at his worry, “No, silly,” you laughed, reaching up and touching his nose with your pointer finger, “Boop!”

In perfect time, Sara slipped out of the car, and Jake physically relaxed.

“God, you scared me there for a moment,” he mumbled to you.

“Hey, here’s her handbag,” you heard Sara say as she made her way up the driveway.

“Thanks,” Jake said, taking the bag from her, “And thanks for looking after her. Do you know how much she’s had to drink?” he asked.

“Um hello! Im right here,” you announced, feeling left out from the conversation. Jake’s eyes dropped to your own and a playful smirk toyed at his lips.

“Sorry Baby, how many drinks did you have tonight, hm?” he asked. Thinking back, you had absolutely no idea, so you lifted your hand with what you thought was four fingers held it up in front of him. That seemed like a good enough guess.

Sara snorted from beside you, “You definitely had more than three. Maybe seven by the time we left?” she speculated, and your jaw hung slack at the news. You weren’t sure you’d ever drank that much in your life, as you were always a lightweight and were able to save yourself a couple of bucks by taking advantage of that fact.

“Seven?!” you exclaimed. Jake laughed and pulled you into him, wrapping his arms around you and thoroughly rubbing the skin on your arms to warm you up.

You hadn’t even noticed that goosebumps had littered your skin until that moment.

“Alright I’ll leave you both to it. Happy birthday girl, I’m glad you finally let yourself let loose,” Sara congratulated.

“Oh Sara, I love you so much,” you started, lifting your arms to take her in for a hug, your voice quickly turning wobbly.

“Oh no, no, no,” both Jake and Sara warned, creating more distance between you and her.

“Let’s not get into the drunken ‘I love you’s’,” Jake warned and Sara vehemently agreed, bidding her last goodbye before getting into the car and driving off.

You turned back around to face Jake slowly, a nervous smile playing at your lips as you took in his handsome features. Man he looked good.

“Do I, now?” he asked, and you quickly realised you had said it out loud.

“Mhmm. I’ve been thinking ‘bout you all night, Jakey,” you admitted, stepping out of his arms and leading yourself into the house. Jake kicked the door shut to keep up with you as you wandered down the hallway to the living room.

Once you were able, you bent over sideways and grabbed your shoes, practically ripping them from your feet and letting out a satisfied sigh when the first bare foot landed on the soft carpet below.

You hadn’t noticed Jake was holding onto your elbow to keep you steady until you came close to toppling over as you lost your balance while taking your left shoe off.

“Oops,” you giggled, smiling at him sheepishly.

To your unknowing, Jake was thoroughly enjoying himself. This was the first time he had ever seen you even slightly intoxicated, as you never ordered beverages when you went out together, and always opted for a water during meal times at home.

“Okay Baby, c’mon. I think you need to sit down,” he urged, pulling you away from your spot and to the couch.

You frowned when you looked up and he was gone, but he was quickly back again with a tall glass of water.

He sat next to you and put the glass in you hand, “Can you drink some of this for me, please?”

Jake watched in amusement as you stared at the glass, as if you were waiting for it to pour itself into your mouth. So, he unwrapped your fingers from the cup and brought it to your lips himself.

He tilted it slowly, as not to make you choke and also to allow you to control the amount you drank at one time.

You pulled away when you couldn’t drink any more, and Jake frowned at the amount that was left in the glass.

“Think you can try one more sip, Baby?” he asked.

“Nuh-uh,” you shook your head, feeling too sleepy to do anything else.

He put the glass back on the table and brought his attention back to you, which made you very happy.

You brought your hands to his cheeks, and took in his features. Just as you’d expected, his lips were traced with deep purple stains from a glass of red wine and you had the deepest urge to taste it in his mouth.

“I missed you Jakey,” you admitted. With a sudden urge of confidence, you climbed onto him, throwing one leg over his lap so that you were straddling him completely. Like instinct, his hands found the sides of your thighs, and he sighed as you ground on his lap while staring into his eyes.

“Baby…” he started, but you interrupted him when you pulled him in for a kiss.

Just as you expected, he tasted of delicious red wine, and your personal favourite, he tasted like Jake. You hummed into the kiss, resting one of your hands on his chest and slowly dragging it downward, feeling your body flush with desire for the man sitting before you.

But, to your dismay, he pulled away with a grunt, “Okay Baby, that’s enough for tonight.”

You furrowed your brows, “Why?” You began to shrink away, insecurity and embarrassment creeping into your skin.

“Hey, hey, don’t get shy,” he started, pulling you back to rest your forehead against his. “You’re just a little bit too drunk for any of that fun stuff.” He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear delicately.

“But Jakeee,” you groaned, pulling your head away from his and fisting his shirt with your hands. “I want to, I promi-“ you were cut off my a loud hiccup. “I’m not even that drunk,” you added in a mumble.

Jake raised a brow at you, holding back a smile. “I’m sorry baby,” he lifted your hands what were holding his shirt and kissed your knuckles, “You’ve had too much. Tomorrow.”

You perked up at the promise of a reschedule, “You promise?” you asked eagerly.

“Of course, ‘s long as you still want it.”

“I will!” you chirped, making him smile.

“So, birthday girl,” he started, patting your legs, “What was the drink of choice tonight?”

“Hmmm let me remem-“ you were interrupted by another hiccup, but were too lost in your memories to even notice. “Oh! Strawberry da-da... darters?” you slurred the word, forgetting its name completely and trying your best to remember what it was called.

“Strawberry daiquiri?” Jake clarified, an amused smile on his face.

“Yes, that’s the one,” you confirmed. “Wa’sooo yummy.”

Jake hummed, “Sounds amazing, Baby, and you had… seven of those?” he asked in amusement.

You mumbled out an incoherent version of ‘I don’t know’, before collapsing onto Jakes body, snuggling into his warmth.

“Jakey you’re the best,” you slurred and you felt his chest vibrate beneath you.

He slid his flat palm up and down your back soothingly, “Alright Baby, I think it’s time we go to bed.”

Your head shot up, and the world spun violently in return, “Noo, I’m not ready.”

“I’ll help you get ready, sweet girl,” he offered, stroking away the hairs that had stuck to your face in sweat, a familiar motion that reminded him of playing live.

“Oh my God Jakey, I just re- remem- rememembered. How many ‘embers’ is is remem..” you trailed off in thought, and Jake giggled at your lack of coherency.

“What is it?” he asked.

“You need to call Josh. It’s urgent, I promise,” you warned, holding your pinky out to him, but accidentally poked him in the cheek in the process, “Oops sorry,” you giggled, stroking the poked skin with your thumb.

Jake watched you curiously, unable to follow your thought processes or rationality, “Why what’s happened, Baby?”

“It doesn’t matter just get your phone out it’s urgent! Josh need’a hear this,” you warned, and Jake began to wonder if something was seriously wrong.

He lifted his hips and fished his phone from his back pocket, quickly swiping through to get Josh’s contact up. He raised a brow at you before he hit ‘call’.

You repositioned yourself on his lap eagerly, needy to get the information out.

The phone rang a couple of times before Josh finally picked up.

“Hey Jake what’s up?” he asked.

“Joshy! It’s meee,” you sang happily.

Josh hesistated for a moment, clearly surprised that you were on the other end of the call instead of Jake, and by the clear levels of intoxication in your voice.

“Heyyy… is Jake there?” he asked cautiously.

“I’m right here Josh. She said she has something she really, really needs to tell you,” Jake said with amusement.

“Oh? And what’s that?” Josh asked, a playful tone lacing his words.

“Okay, okay. So get this,” you began laughing before you had even told the story. “When I-” you hiccuped. “When I went on the dance floor they played the song, you know the song we wanted to find out, the song and the singer, we didn’t know,” you tried your hardest to explain, struggling to structure your sentences properly.

Josh hummed, “I’m not sure I know which one you’re talking about…”

“Come on!! The song with the-“ you cut yourself off as you began to sing what you remembered as the melody.

Jake giggled and you heard Josh laugh on the other end of the phone.

“Oh yes! I remember now,” Josh said, and you were too intoxicated to recognise his sarcasm.

“Yes! Well it’s by… oh no I forgot again. His name started with a B though I think. Wait! No, it started with a M.”

Jake was trying his hardest to hold his laugh back, not wanting to discourage your happiness, but feeling absolute joy at seeing the love of his life finally letting your hair down.

You laughed, “Hah, oh well, I’ll remember another time.” You snuggled back onto Jakes chest, falling into a place of near unconsciousness as Jake and Josh spoke.

“Alright, see you later,” Jake said into the phone after a bit of conversation, making you jump up once again.

“Wait!” you exclaimed, feeling the sudden urge to let Josh know of the appreciation you felt towards him. Who knew what would happen between this moment and tomorrow?

“Josh you’re such a good brother and, and such a good friend, and I'm so grateful for- for... everything, and…” you trailed off, struggling to keep your composure, your voice wobbling in emotion.

“Never knew she would be such a sappy drunk,” Josh commented, speaking mostly to Jake, who agreed. "But thank you beautiful, you are the bestest friend that I could have.”

Tears brimmed in your eyes at his words , “You really mean that?”

“Jesus Josh, stop it she’s gonna start crying,” Jake warned with a laugh, stroking your hair.

You didn’t remember hearing them finish the call, and were startled when you found yourself standing with Jake’s arm around your waist, walking you to the bedroom.

You let him lead you inside, and bounced when he set you on the edge of the bed.

Exhaustion taking over, you flopped back onto the mattress, spreading your arms out beside you.

“I take it you’re not up for a shower tonight, my girl?” Jake asked, and you thought that you would probably faint if you were subjected to a shower.

“Noooo, I don’t want to shower. Pleaseee don’t make me,” you begged, staring up at the ceiling. Everything was spinning.

“It’s okay Baby, I’m not making you do anything,” he reassured. Jake came back over to you at the bed, setting a pair of his boxers and a t-shirt beside you to wear.

You craned your neck up to watch him as he kneeled before you, taking the delicate zipper of your bag and fishing through it for your phone.

Heat travelled up your neck at the sight of him, on his knees and focused, using his fingers to sort through your things. Guitar fingers.

Jake chuckled when you flexed and curled your toes beside his head, needy for attention.

“Okay Baby, up you get. Can you take your dress off on your own, or do you need me to help you?” he asked, taking your hands and pulling you to sit upright on the bed. The change in direction made your head spin, and your stomach tightened sickeningly.

You clenched your teeth, staring at the floor to try to regain your bearings, willing the feeling of nausea away, but Jake recognised the look on your face immediately. He had seen it too many times on his brothers faces over the years, and was quick to pull you to your feet.

With one hand in your back and the other on your arm, Jake rushed you to the bathroom that was luckily connected to your bedroom, muttering 'go, go, go, go,' under his breath. You practically collapsed onto the tiled floor in a daze.

Jakes hand flew to your forehead as you nearly smacked it against the toilet seat, "Careful, honey." His hand shot out of the way when you gagged into the toilet bowl.

You braced your hands on the sides of the toilet seat, dizziness making it look as if the toilet was spinning in nauseating circles.

“Jake…” you groaned, “I don’t feel good anymore.”

Jake raked his fingers through your hair, gathering it away from your face and holding it all in one grasp.

“I know, my love,” he soothed. He leaned over to the bathroom counter, fingers searching blindly for a hair tie that he knew you would have left there, listening to your heavy breathing and groans.

Just as he grabbed the hair tie, you retched hard, throwing up the contents of your stomach into the toilet. Like anyone else, you typically hated throwing up, but there was something different about being sick like this.

Maybe it was because you were too drunk to fully comprehend what was happening, but although you’d rather be doing anything else, it felt relieving to rid your stomach of the poison.

Still, you groaned at the burn in your throat.

Jake wrapped the hair tie around your gathered hair, and then reoccupied his hands to hold you steady, one hand rubbing soothing circles on your back and the other supporting your balance.

You gagged, and it was soon followed by another disgusting surge of vomit.

You groaned in discomfort. “I’m sorry I'm such a mess,” you apologised, tears springing at your eyes as you threw up again.

“Shhh,” he cooed, “It’s okay Baby, just let it all out.”

Jake sat with you through it all, slightly alarmed at the amount of liquid you threw up, and he wondered if you'd drank more than just seven drinks.

You groaned again, exhaustion taking over your body like a heavy blanket.

“‘M so tired Jakey. I feel like-” you hiccuped, “like shit.”

Jake frowned at your words, and soothed you as you threw up again. He whispered words of comfort into your ears, encouraging you to throw up as much as you could before you retired to bed.

“I wanna be sober,” you complained, slurring deliriously. You looked up at Jake’s face and frowned when it spun. Jake flushed the toilet, and stroked back the stray hairs that had fallen from your pony tail.

“I know baby, you will be, soon,” he continued soothingly stroking your back. “Think you can be sick just one more time? The more you get out now the better you’ll feel tomorrow morning,” he advised.

You turned back to the toilet and let yourself be sick again.

"Thats it, good girl," he cooed. As you retracted from the toilet, Jake had a wet cloth and wiped the sides of your mouth with it. You were too drunk to feel embarrassed.

Your hands had began to tremble, and Jake knew it was time for you to get to bed. He undid the messy pony tail he had made for you, and re-tied it into a bun, the same type that he did for himself when he needed it out of his face.

Jake got up to take your pink toothbrush from the pot, smiling at its positioning next to his own, and squirted toothpaste on it before running it under the tap.

He then came back down to your level, crouching in front of you and putting the brush into your mouth.

“Brush your teeth Baby, I’m going to get you some water,” he instructed, leaving you on the floor, dizzy and tired.

When Jake returned with a glass of water and two pills for you to take in the morning, he found you on the floor just as he left you, the toothbrush hanging limp in your mouth as you struggled to keep your eyes open.

“Alright, I guess I’ll have to do this then,” he said bemusedly with a small smile. “You doing okay, Baby?” he asked as he gently brushed your teeth, careful not to go too far back in your mouth to avoid you gagging again.

You shook your head, and felt a line of toothpaste dribble out of your mouth and down to your chin.

Jake quickly wiped it away with the damp cloth that you had no idea he was holding and you nuzzled into his hand that was keeping your jaw steady while he brushed your teeth.

Once he was done, he helped you stand, supporting you under your arms, and pointing you towards the sink. You spat out the toothpaste, and lazily drank from the running tap, swishing the water around your mouth and spitting that into the sink too.

Jake took you back into the bedroom, and told you to stand as he walked behind you, fingers untying the lace of your dress.

He delicately pulled the straps down your arms, and the dress dropped to the floor, pooling at your feet. You shivered at the chill of the room that crept over your exposed skin as you were left in only your bra and panties.

"Bra on or off?" Jake asked, picking up the t-shirt he had picked out for you to sleep in. You recognised it as your favourite one of his.

"Off."

Jake unclasped your bra and it joined your dress on the floor.

"Arms up," he instructed, and you lifted your arms for him to drop the shirt over your naked body.

You began to tire even more, now that you were out of your uncomfortable bra and dress, and nearly collapsed when Jake pulled your panties down to the floor, helping you step out of them and into his boxers.

Finally, you were able to drag your feet to the bed, still feeling the heavy effects of intoxication as your limbs stumbled, and mind struggled to remember what had caused you to be in such a state.

Jake lifted the duvet covers and helped you into bed, though you flopped in with very little grace or care. He watched you and laughed, while he stripped from his clothes, only staying in his boxers to sleep, like usual. He crawled into the empty space beside you and switched off his beside light, leaving the two of you cloaked in complete darkness.

"Jake," you whispered, reaching for his warmth in the darkness.

"Right here, Baby," he assured, his body becoming known to your hands as he shuffled closer to you in the bed.

"I love you so much," you said, grabbing the first part of his body that you could find, which happened to be his arm and kissed it. "When we-" you hiccuped, "when we are awake, what- what will be the breakfast?" you asked, slurring, and tripping over your words.

"We can have whatever you want for breakfast, sweet girl," he reassured, pulling your body closer to his, and you became very aware of his bare chest against your face.

Puckering your lips, you began to kiss his chest, feeling desire return to your body. You wrapped a leg over his hip haphazardly, kissing up his chest to his neck, while your hands came to hold the sides of his ribs.

"Baby," he warned, as your kisses grew nearer and nearer to his face. You hummed questioningly in response, continuing your movements.

He cradled your cheek gently, lifting it from his neck and looked into your eyes earnestly, though you could't quite see through the darkness and spinning in the room.

He kissed your lips gently, but parted them too quickly for your liking, and you whined, pulling your body closer to his again.

"Baby, no. We aren't doing this tonight," he spoke gently, the sound of him whispering only heightening your desire.

"Please," you begged, and he shook his head.

"Tomorrow, remember?" he reminded, bringing his pinky up and linking it with yours. An empty promise, he thought, as he knew you would be feeling much worse tomorrow than you were now. That, and there was little chance you would even remember these moments in the morning.

"Okay, tomorrow," you whispered, content to just be with him in those moments.

Jake lay beside you in a state of adoration. He realised, that apart from the times you had been sick, you never let him care for you. You were an independent person, and being able to look after you in a state of intoxication had made him realise that the amount of love he had for you was almost frightening.

He sighed deeply at the feeling of comfort he felt with you enveloped between his arms.

"Goodnight, my sweet girl," he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head.

"Mmfph,” you replied, and Jake chuckled, bringing you closer into his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around your body as you both drifted into a sleep of comfort and love.

[digitaldiarystuff]

Age Doesn’t Matter (or does it?)

hi it’s me again and I’m soo happy about all the likes my stories have been getting, I would also love some requests maybe if I can picture them in my head like maybe descriptions and players, I actually have an idea in my mind for a long ass angst that deals with cheating but I don’t know who to write it for :( Also, enjoyy!

summary: You meet a boy at a club on a night out but realize he looks younger than he says he is

pairing: Pablo Gavi x Y/N

genre: fluff

————

“Come on Sara, we’re late!” you yell up the stairs while tying your shoes. This is a night out with the girls because the 4 of you are single for the first time and it was Annie’s 24’th birthday.

“Ok ok I’m ready.” she says while putting on her earrings and running down the stairs.

You arrive at the club soon after and pay the taxi. You get in and try to find your friends but soon Sara pulls you to the bar.

“We’ll eventually find them let’s take shots!” she scream and you join laughing.

It is like 5 or 6 shots in at the moment and you don’t even have a good sense of self. You laugh uncontrollably with her and your other friends and have the time of your life until you really have to use the bathroom. You know it’s unsanitary but you can’t care right now.

The line for the women’s bathroom is excruciatingly long and the mens’ is empty and you decide nothing’d happen if you just use that one instead.

You open the door without knocking and shocked to see a guy who is washing his hands looking at you with the same shock.

“Can I help you?” he asks not sure how to feel.

“Um, the line for the women’s is long and I really have to pee.” you admitted not caring if you look desperate, you are.

“Oh, okay let me just step out and you can use it.” he said and left.

You are so intoxicated but you still realize this boy looks incredibly hot, you smile and thank him.

After you’re done and washed your hands, you step out to find him still standing there.

“You didn’t leave?” you ask curiously.

“The door, uhm, it doesn’t lock so I didn’t want someone to walk in on you.” he admitted shyly scratching the back of his head. Before you thought he was cute but after seeing his arm muscles, he was hot and so were you.

“That’s so thoughtful, thank you. I’m Y/N.” you extended your hand and he takes it with a heartbeat.

“I’m Pablo.” he just said.

“So Pablo, it was nice sharing this bathroom story with you but I have to get back to my friends.” you said because every second you were getting more and more aware of your surroundings and wanted to find your friends.

“Oh okay.” he says sounding down. “Let me walk you to them.”

You walked together and he helped you get through sweaty dancing bodies around you. He was a true gentleman but as the lights of the club shined brighter, you saw his features and realized he may even be younger than you expected him to be.

You introduce your friends to him and watch them interact for a moment before he decides to get back to his friends at the booth, he invited you all but you didn’t know him that well to accept this invitation.

“So I guess I should go.” he says but you can tell he doesn’t want to. His arm is around your waist still from walking you. You noticed some girls eyeing you and giving you glares, thinking maybe they also liked Pablo or knew him from somewhere but to be honest, you were too drunk to care.

“Or maybe you could dance with me.” you suggested and even in the club setting, you can see his cheeks heat up.

He smiles and takes you to the dance floor holding you close, you’re both smiling and your arms around his neck. His hands slowly made their way to your hips and your foreheads pressed together, your bodies moving to the rhythm. It’s like electricity’s coursing through your bodies and everything else didn’t matter but as he’s leaning in, you just have a question.

“How old are you?” you ask completely ruining the mood but this was a pet peeve of yours, you don’t date younger guys.

“I’m 22” he says without thinking and since you’re 23, that’s not too bad. He must be one of those guys who’s babyface like JB. You shrugged it off.

“Can I kiss you now?” he asks wanting to create the moment you ruined back.

You smile and he leans in to capture your lips with his, it’s the best kiss you’ve had in a while. He guides you and uses just enough strength, still holding your body slowly dancing. He puts his hand on the hem of your dress slowly inching up and you gasp in surprise, he uses this opportunity to push his tongue inside your mouth and deepen the kiss. Your hands pull on the hairs on his neck as you felt over the moon, Pablo was too good with his hands and lips.

You pulled away after a few minutes, trying to catch your breath as he smiles at you. You smile back hoping this was as good for him as it’s good for you. Just as he’s leaning again and proving it was as good, Sara ran up to you saying she has work tomorrow and she has to leave. You know you can’t leave her alone in this drunken state and considering she’s your roommate why bother with 2 ubers when you can leave together but you weren’t exactly ready to say bye to Pablo.

He looks at you with piercing eyes, trying to read if you’re really leaving but you pout your lips as you explain it to him, he’s not happy but doesn’t do anything to stop you and slowly takes his hands off of you meanwhile the three of you are walking outside.

“Can I at least get your number so we can finish what we started another day?” he asks in a suggestive tone. You look at him and know you’re dying to do it so pick his phone off his hands and write down your number. He smiles and presses one last kiss to your lips before letting you and Sara get in the car and drive off.

You smile to yourself at how everything went down tonight, Pablo is nothing like you’ve ever been with before and he’s so refreshing you hoped he would text you, even if it’s totally sexual. You normally never do this, this is not you but his soft brown hair and those eyes looking into your soul made your knees go weak and you mind go numb. You wanted to see him again.

And your prayers are answered after you go into your room and had a quick shower to wash off the club scent off your body. He texted you.

“Did you make it to home safely?” he just said and you smiled to yourself at how thoughtful he is.

“Hello to you too Pablo, yes don’t worry. What about you?” you asked

“Me too, just in.”

You talked for a few minutes back and forth until his replies stopped and you figure he’s fallen asleep.

You decide to watch some reels before falling asleep yourself, going on insta and while going through some stories, you come across with suggested profiles, including Pablo’s. Your mouth fall to floor as you see his picture with a Barcelona shirt on and click on his profile, discovering he’s a football player for the team and realize what those looks at the club for. They weren’t because those girls wanted him, well maybe it was but it was also because they were shocked to see a footballer with a girl. You never cared about football so it’s natural you didn’t realize he was the Pablo Gavi but he didn’t mention it either.

You decide if he didn’t want you to know, you shouldn’t pry in his life further. Maybe he liked not being recognized so you go to click off his page until you see a birthday post he did in august. You smile at how happy he looks and read the caption about thanking everyone wishing him a happy birthday until you see a hashtag.

#19

You send him a final text before your eyes close and you drift to sleep.

“Really, you’re 19???”

[pinkposies]

01 . intoxicate

not proofread :P This is a poly!mikaelsons. I crosspost on wattpad and ao3.

wc - 2113

There aren't any real warnings but some may think the habits Elaine does come off as a form of self-harm.

The Kallos court consists only of women, it existed since the beginning of time by women who were endowed with natural magic and immortality by a divine entity. It was prophesied that Elaine Moon was the reincarnation of the being that gave the faeires their magical abilities. Elaine Moon was born to be the leader of the Kallos court; she was pure power.

                                              જ⁀➴

The sun basked on Elaine as she laid her head on Alana's lap. The newly cut grass felt soft against her bare legs. Elaine sighed as she felt Alana's fingers rake through her hair, she insisted on braiding Elaine's hair. As she did so she hummed a soft tune, which Elaine could barely hear over the laughter.

She turned her head just enough to watch as Lacey and Daphne ran around trying to catch butterflies. She couldn't help but giggle when Daphne tripped over her feet.

"Are you prepared for the festival?" Alana said. Elaine feels her fingers leave her hair, allowing her to turn onto her stomach.

She rested her head on Alana's thigh, staring up at her, "Of course, I'm prepared, it's all my mothers speak of." She sighed.

"You'll think that having an entire month dedicated to you, you'll be more happy about it." She mumbled as she brushed a stray hair that fell from Elaine's braid behind her ear.

Elaine nuzzled her cheek against Alana's thigh, and she sighed. "I know, but the festivals just remind me of the expectations I'm meant to meet."

She did feel somewhat bad for seeming ungrateful. The other faes go through so much trouble with decorating, cooking, and finding the right gift for her, but the constant pressure of becoming the leader of the court brings her down.

"We could trade places anytime because having a month where everyone practically worships me sounds amazing," Alana joked which seemed to have some undertones of seriousness.

Elaine sat up on her bottom, brushing the grass off her stomach. She reached down and entwined Alana's hand with hers, "You don't understand, how draining it could be, I barely get any free time to myself," she exclaimed, bringing the back side of Alana's hand to rub against her cheek.

Alana sighed and shook her head as she squeezed Elaine's hand. She goes to speak but is interrupted when yelling is heard in the distance. All the girls freeze in panic as the voice comes closer, they simultaneously look towards where the voice is coming from to see Sara running to them as she waves her arms.

Sara falls to her hands and knees when she comes to a fast halt in front of the girls. She grasped at the grass, and she was panting from running.

"Sara, are you okay? Is something going on!" Lacey shrieked, as she crawled over to Sara, placing her hand on the exhausted girl.

She finally caught her breath and squealed, "There's a man here!"

"A man!" Daphne gasped out, sounding almost horrified, "Why would the Elders let it into the dimension?"

Alana whipped her head towards Elaine, "Have any of the Elders mentioned to you about the man?" sputtered Alana. Her eyebrows scrunched up at the mere thought of Elaine keeping such news from her.

"No. No. I was told nothing!" She blurted out, attempting to divert the attention away.

from her.

"That doesn't matter," Sara began, standing up and offering her hand to Lacey. "We need to go to the weeping hall to see the man!" She exclaimed, then started running, dragging Lacey along with her.

The remaining girls jumped up and started running as well. Elaine knew that there was an opposite sex, but none of the faeries had seen a man before, not even the elders.

She couldn't think of any reasoning as to why the elders would disobey the previous elder's wish for a no-men world. Elaine felt a surge of excitement and fear as the girls got closer to the weeping hell.

Throughout her adolescence, she's only been taught about the evil doings of men. Elaine never thought there'd be a day she'd see the opposite sex, as long as she was in the Kallos dimension. Even the animals in the dimension are all female.

The girls came to a halt when they saw the weeping hall was crowded. Many other faeries came to see the man too; the hall was filled with loud chatter, some expressing their confusion and others complaining.

Elaine dropped Alana's hand and walked towards the crowd. She lightly pushed the other faeries out of the way. When she finally got to the front, her eyes widened as she saw the man she stood in front of her.

From what she learned as a child, she envisioned that all men would look more beast-like or goblin-like. Yet the man who stood in front of her was far from a beast. He was confident, with a small smirk on his face, showing that he was enjoying the faeries fawning over him.

He was slim yet muscular at the same time. With somewhat curly blond hair and blue or green eyes, Elaine couldn't tell being so far away. He wore a slim-fit black shirt that enhanced his muscles and dark blue jeans.

"Gyne! Clam down this instant!" Lady Belina's demanding voice silenced the faeries. She was the eyes and ears of the Elders, and she assisted them with their decisions. The faeries stopped their conversation with each other and waited for Lady Belina to speak.

Belina walked up to the podium and said, "I know everyone has concerns as to what's going on, but rest assured your questions will be answered," She sighed, "The elders are busy currently, and they sent me to make this announcement."

"We've made an alliance with the man who stands before Kalus Mikaelson. The elders have been withholding this information from everyone to not cause an uproar, but the vampire species has found out about our existence and is attempting to find a way to enter our dimension. It is no longer safe for any faerie to leave the dimension with this target on our backs. With this alliance, it hopefully guarantees peace with the vampires."

The loud chatter begins again, the faeries fearing for their safety. All they know is peace; they've been trained to use their powers to progress the community and help themselves. There has never been a situation where the young faeries had to use their powers for defense.

"Would any of you volunteer to assist Klaus Mikaelson on a tour of the Kallos world?" Lady Belina interrupted the chatter, and many faeries quickly raised their hands, shouting to be chosen.

Yet, Belina's eyes fell on Elaine; she smiled gracefully, motioning for Elaine to step onto the podium. The curly haired girl rapidly shook her head at the older woman, slowly backing up into the crowd.

"Elaine Moon! There isn't anyone who should make acquaintance with our guest other than the future leader. Come up here, Elaine!"

Elaine silently cried inside as she felt everyone's eyes on her. Her shaky legs walked towards the man, her nails digging into her palm.

"Everyone, clear out and continue with your daily activities. Please do not bother our guest unless approached. Thank you for your time!"

Elaine watched as the faeries reluctantly left the hall. Lady Belina waved goodbye to her, mouthing good luck. Her eyes continued to follow Belina, fearing to look towards the man who she felt was staring her down.

"You don't seem pleased to be the one to assist me." He stated matter of factly.

Her eyes widened at the notion of making him feel unwanted, "No, I'm just in shock, is all," Elaine spoke uneasily, scratching at her wrist as a nervous habit. "Nothing to do with you though! Well, it's everything to do with you."

"There's no need to be nervous, love; I don't bite." Klaus teased her, his words having a double meaning that she didn't quite get.

She giggled, feeling a strange sensation in her stomach. "I guess you're right, but you're nothing like the man I imagined," Elaine admitted while walking towards the exit to begin the tour.

As he walked beside her, she couldn't help but be dumbstruck by the noticeable height difference. Most of the faeries are around the same height.

She felt her cheeks warm up as she heard his deep, rich laugh, "And what do you think a man would look like?" Klaus sounded amused by her behavior.

"I don't know, maybe overwhelming tall, a mix of man and beast, scars all over and-" Elaine was cut off by Klaus laughing.

"I'm sorry, love, I don't mean to laugh." He somewhat offered an apology, even though he didn't sound all that sorry.

"It's okay, but I am kind of disappointed that you're not as monster-like or evil." Elaine joked, attempting to match his energy.

"Trust me, love, I'm as bad as it gets." Klaus insisted, awhile charming her with his gleaming smile.

Elaine laughs, not fully thinking about his words. "This is Celaedon Hollow, you'll find everything you need in here," She explained, stopping in front of the huge shopping center, "We use crystals as our currency, but depending on the owner, she'll trade something of yours as a payment."

As they walked through the shopping center, Elaine watched as Klaus admired the scenery and architecture. He looked almost like a kid, she giggled to herself, every newcomer that came before him had the same reaction.

"If you think this is beautiful, wait until I show our worship area!"

"I wasn't aware that faeries follow a religion."

Elaine tuned out the whispers and stares the other faeries gave the two, "Well, we don't follow any human religions if that's what you're thinking. We simply pay thanks to the divine entity who created the faerie species."

Klaus hummed, "If you don't mind me prying, but what exactly is the Palingenesis Festival?"

Elaine sighed, hoping that he wouldn't notice the flyers and banners hanging around the shopping center, "Well, it's a celebration of me."

"Please explain further," Klaus asked, but it sounded more like a demand.

"Palingenesis means rebirth, and the divine entity I was speaking of," Elaine sighed, "simply put, everyone believes I'm the reincarnation of the entity."

Klaus suddenly seemed more invested in their conversation than before, "So, that's why Belina said you were the soon to be leader." He acknowledged, putting the pieces together.

"Yes, the days leading up to the day I was born, are celebrated with foods, activities, and gifts."

"That sounds rather enjoyable."

"It is, but it does get exhausting tuning into the other world and blessing the faeries with a prophecy."

"You have the gift of precognition and clairvoyance." Klaus mused, finding himself becoming more interested in the girl's abilities.

"In a way, it's not all that exciting, though. Sometimes it's more of a burden than a gift." She mumbled, beginning to feel discomfort as they continued the conversation, "But can we change the topic, please?"

"It wasn't my intention to make you uncomfortable." He reassured her, there was still more time for him to learn more about the faerie.

"There's no need to apologize." Elaine smiled, wanting to lighten the mood, "But anyways, this is the Marigold Village, the older faeries live here."

They continued exploring Philia's Keep. She showed him the different attractions and neighborhoods that the land could offer. Throughout the tour, Elaine and Klaus continued to make small talk about whatever she was showing him, "I'm sorry to cut this trip short, but if I show you the entirety of Kallos, we'll be walking for days." She joked.

"That's quite alright, it is getting late." He offered, staring down at Elaine as they stopped walking.

He watched as she continuously avoided making eye contact. Which he found amusing considering she didn't make eye contact with him this entire time. Klaus felt somewhat satisfied that he had such an effect on her.

"Did Belina tell you where you're supposed to stay?" She questioned him, taking a small step backward because she was starting to feel consumed by his aura.

"I believe Melos Village, cottege 11."

Elaine gasped, her mood noticeably changing, "I live in Melos Village, isn't that ironic?" She pointed it out. She kind of enjoyed her conversation with Klaus, she couldn't explain why she felt surprisingly comfortable making small talk with him.

Klaus chuckled at her excitement, "I guess we're going to be seeing a lot of each other."

"Come on, let's go." She smiled.

                                                       જ⁀➴

They walk into the village together, silence engulfing them as the other faeries return home, "The number of your house should be on the mailbox, I can still take you there if you want." Elaine offered.

"I'd rather walk you home."

"Oh, that's not necess-" She started to say, but was quickly interrupted.

"I insist." He pressed.

Elaine's eyebrows furrowed, and she hesitated, "Okay." She began to walk towards her cottage. The silence once again engulfed them as they made the short trip.

Stopping in front of number 15, "This is me," she said, slightly bouncing on her toes.

Klaus tilted his head enough to make eye contact with her, "I'll see you later, Elaine." He assured, walking away before she could respond.

She stood at her door in a state of allure, and once again, she couldn't understand why.

[genshinimpactlife]

Yes Mistress

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Arataki Itto x Mistress Reader NSFW 1.1k

Itto and his lover were quite the sight to see, with him towering over the fragile girl in every way. Nobody could have pictured the two of them together, such a quiet and timid girl paired with the loud and obnoxious Itto? Impossible. They say that polar opposites attract, and the pair backed up that claim in this case. But it was always the quiet ones that held a secret, and it was no different for his lover.

She loved how the red ropes rubbed against Itto’s skin, his constant wiggling causing rope burns to form on his flesh. She spent a long time picking out these ropes, specifically making sure they would match the red of his skin and horns, wanting to make a masterpiece out of him. She took her time weaving them across his body, creating an intricate design along his chest as he stood there quietly. She had him well trained behind doors, keeping quiet and doing what she asked without question. To finish off, she stood behind Itto, gently running her hands down his arms and leading them behind his back. With the last couple of inches of rope, she weaved it around his arms, securing them in place. She took care to make sure he could still move so as not to accidentally injure him with what was to come. The last step was the blindfold, matching the rope with its red hue, which was quickly tied around his head.

“Tell me Itto…Why are you being punished today?”

“Because I…”

“Speak up!” His lover interrupted him, her voice’s harsh tone different from her usual meek voice. “You did a good job of speaking up earlier right? When you spent thirty minutes in the plaza yelling at people to join the Arataki gang? Bothering everyone trying to go about their day.

Itto had nothing to say because he knew he was in the wrong. Sara Kujou had already yelled at him not to do it… so this time, when he was caught, he was escorted home to where his lover was enjoying a peaceful day alone. She had to pay to have him released into her custody, and he knew he was in trouble by the look on her face.

By now, his cock was unbearably hard, but his lover was one to draw things out and make sure he understood what he had done wrong.

“No response? Have you already gone stupid in the brain? Don’t think I haven’t noticed. Does the thought of punishment make you that excited?”

“Yes”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, Mistress”

“Good boy… it seems you still have a brain in there.”

Itto, unable to see, relied on sound alone as he heard the shuffling of clothes. No doubt his lover had taken a moment to slip her dress off, and he cursed the fact that he couldn’t see her right now. He was obsessed with her body; each gentle curve was intoxicating to him. He could stare for hours and never get bored. It was part of the reason she blindfolded him during punishments, taking away that enjoyment for him.

The next sound he heard was the footsteps of his lover walking across the room, shuffling around for a moment before she dragged something heavy toward him. The edge of the chair hit the back of his knees, silently telling him to sit down on the chair, which he did.

He didn’t know what she was planning, but the last thing he expected was her presence between his legs, her hands resting on his thighs as she dropped to her knees. He didn’t dare speak a word, not wanting to risk ruining this moment. As she slowly tugged down the waistband of his pants, he started to wonder if she decided not to punish him . It wouldn’t be like her to do that, but he wasn’t complaining.

Shivers went up Itto’s spine when her hand wrapped around the base of his now free cock, the tip already swollen and red with need. Her tongue gently lapped at the pre-cum that had beaded on his tip, which made Itto groan almost immediately. She didn’t stop there, slowly taking the tip in her mouth and swirling her tongue around it. She took her time with it, slowly taking each inch of his cock in her mouth, stroking the rest that wouldn’t fit. His sounds were like music to her ears, his quiet groans, the whimpers he tried to hold back. She was playing him like a fiddle with her mouth, and it wasn’t long before his orgasm was building.

“Mistress… ngh, please!” Itto managed to sputter out, struggling not to buck his hips up into her mouth as he desperately wanted. His cock was twitching in her mouth, and he was just seconds away from an orgasm when suddenly, everything was gone. No hand stroking his cock, no mouth skillfully sucking, only the room’s cool air against his hot length. It was such a sudden shock to his system that he gasped, his cock violently twitching as his orgasm started to fade.

“Oh, did you think I would let you cum that soon? Oh no, we just started Itto… and you’ll be a good boy and take it.”

------------

How long had it been... Minutes? Hours? Itto lost track, unable to focus on anything but his lover’s hot mouth around his cock. She had been torturing him for so long, switching between stroking him and using her mouth moments before he would cum. Itto was covered in a thin layer of sweat, his chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath. He felt like he had been running for hours; every muscle ached from the tension building over and over in his body.

“Please, Mistress! I’ll be good! I won’t cause any problems for you!” He had been begging like this since she first edged him, desperate to reach his end.

“Really? Do you think you deserve it, Itto?”

“I do! I do!” He was desperate, his voice coming out whiny and breathless. He was utterly dumb for her, nothing more than a pitiful mess begging to be brought to his release. She loved seeing him like this, his usually boisterous personality reduced to nothing more than a man desperate for his lover’s hands. It spurred her on as she pulled her head away from his cock, stroking it faster.

“Come for me Itto.”

He thought that he had misheard her at first, but as soon as Itto realized he had her permission, he came with a cry. His cum sprayed onto his chest and ran down his lover’s hand, creating a mess. It was pure bliss, finally reaching that orgasm he had been denied for so long. His lover stroked him through his high, helping him come down slowly after such a rush. The next moment she removed the blindfold, he finally got to look at his beautiful lover. She looked as much of a mess as he was, sweat building on her brow, saliva smeared across her lips, and even some running down her chin.

Maybe Punishments weren’t so bad with his Mistress.

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[balanchine-ballet-master]

Russell Janzen on Retiring

Russell Janzen in Balanchine's Davidsbundlertänze, 2014. Photo: Paul Kolnik via DanceTabs

Russell Janzen gave his last performance with the New York City Ballet last Sunday, partnering Sara Mearns in the Diamonds section of Jewels. He published his thoughts on retiring in The New York Times.

On Leaving the Life of the Body: A Dancer Reports

“I know that I am about to give up one of my primary ways of being me,” Russell Janzen writes about retiring from New York City Ballet after 16 years.

By Russell Janzen

It is one of my last ballet classes as a professional dancer. Halfway through barre we do rond de jambes—an exercise in which you paint half circles on the floor with your toes. The teacher, Gonzalo Garcia, sets a combination that sweeps back and forth as we transfer our weight from one foot to the next, our arms swinging to amplify our movements.

Extending through to the tips of my fingers and reaching my legs long I feel expansive. It’s not exactly that I feel free—I am doing a prescribed exercise, holding onto a wooden bar—but the stretch of my body and the rumbling swells of the music create a sense of rightness and liberation. I feel present and energized, my body alive. The pleasure of this moment is a relief; it’s a sensation I am forever pursuing, because at the best of times dancing can make me feel whole and wholly myself. On Sunday, I will retire from New York City Ballet after 16 years with the company. I have spent over a year preparing myself, and I am ready. But I know that I am about to give up one of my primary ways of being me.

“As dancers, we become our bodies, in ways both gratifying and reductive.” Photo: Jingyu Lin for The New York Times

My specific physical capabilities—the particular functioning of my muscles, joints, bones and tendons—have been essential to my livelihood. And to my happiness, too, because in moments of alignment and control my body is not just the vessel for my self-expression, it is the expression itself.

So I wonder: Who will I be when my body is no longer shaped by turning out and jumping and lifting? What will I like to do when I don’t have to save my back or my calves or my feet for the next night, the next week, the next month? And how will I feel after these final shows: Like I’m getting my body back, or like I’m losing it?

In spring 2019, I danced the central duet in Justin Peck’s “Rodeo" for the first time. The debut came at one of these sweet spots in my career: I was dancing the way I had always wanted to dance. I wasn’t doing everything perfectly, I still had nerves—and I can’t speak to how I looked—but I felt in control in a way I never had before. I just felt good in my body. Settled.

In the first performance, my partner Sara Mearns and I walked out onstage, and when the music started it was slower than we had rehearsed. Much slower. Sara gave me a look like, “Oh, boy.” That look was both an eye roll aimed at the conductor and an invitation to meet the challenge he had set for us. I smiled at Sara as if we weren’t in front of thousands of people and pushed her into the air, higher than we’d practiced—and then I launched myself after her and we danced.

Russell Janzen with Sara Mearns in Diamonds. Photo: Erin Baiano via the NY Times

But it didn’t feel like dancing. It felt like living, in a heightened, intoxicating way. It felt like we were the music, and the dance. We were ourselves in the most essential and simple way but also we were something more, something bigger. We were dancing. And I don’t mean that as a verb; I mean it as a noun. We were all that dancing could be in that moment, to that music, on that stage.

Of course we were also wearing lots of makeup and we were sweating and trying to point our feet and stand tall, and I was trying to keep her on balance and she was trying to hold up her leg. But we were not thinking about this trying, we were just being, and it felt so right.

Throughout my career there have been many moments like this, when how I feel in my body makes my dancing seem inseparable from myself. Sometimes these moments are brief, lasting just one entrance or one class, other times I can hold onto the feeling for weeks.

Janzen partnering Teresa Reichlen in Balanchine’s Agon in 2019. Photo: Erin Baiano via the NY Times

As dancers, we become our bodies, in ways both gratifying and reductive. We always deal with pain and tightness — navigating physical limitations is a part of this art form — but when muscles cooperate, and choreography feels natural, even grappling with the body’s capabilities offers rewards.

This intense relationship with my physicality has been fulfilling, a gift. And yet being tied to my body in this way has also been restrictive and often disappointing.

I spent my first six years with the company cycling through career-pausing injuries, never staying healthy long enough to gain much momentum. At a certain point my body became more manageable and I gained traction in my career — dancing bigger roles, being promoted to soloist, then principal.

But the injuries continued: a tear in my shoulder, a sticky rib, a trouble spot in my spine that persists, ankle sprains, back spasms. Ballet is punishing on most every body, but at 6-foot-3 I am not compact. My height and length can look impressive onstage, but my body doesn’t always absorb the impact of dancing and partnering well, making me — and my spine especially — susceptible to injury and strain.

It’s thanks to a fleet of physical therapists and movement specialists that I danced as much as I did. I spent hours each day doing exercises, taking preventive measures to protect my back and prepare my body for what I had to do each night. In order for me to dance, my body — its needs, aches and peculiarities — dictated everything: how long I sat, how I slept, how I traveled, how I dated, how I spent time with my family, how I relaxed, how I lived.

Janzen in Peter Martins's staging of The Sleeping Beauty, Act II, 2017. Photo: Paul Kolnik via Dance Informa

Relying on my body in the way I’ve needed to has meant sacrifices and pain. Sacrifices and pain that were frustrating but worth it because of onstage experiences like “Rodeo,” because I got to dance ballets I always dreamed of dancing: Jerome Robbins’s “Dances at a Gathering”; George Balanchine’s “Agon,” “Swan Lake,” “Diamonds.” And because of the dancers with whom I shared the stage.

Since late fall of 2019 I have had two new injuries — one in my ankle and one in my knee — that again kept me from ballet. Now that my dancing body has been going for decades, the recoveries have been challenging. I’m 34; healing takes longer than when I was 19, and when I am deemed ready to go back onstage my body doesn’t feel like it did before. I’m told it likely won’t again.

Martha Graham famously said that a dancer dies twice, the first time when they stop dancing — when the body can no longer do what it once did. It’s this first death, she said, that is more difficult. And this is where I am now. No longer able to do what I once did.

Janzen and Ashley Bouder filming Balanchine’s “Duo Concertant” for Sofia Coppola in 2021. Photo: Erin Baiano via the NY Times

With the latest injury, a patellar tear, I chose to dance until it proved too painful and so had months to prepare myself for the time off. I made plans, I gave myself projects, I had a loving support system. And yet while I was healing there was a part of me that felt like I was waiting for my life to restart. So much of my life as a dancer has been spent waiting to live, biding time or saving myself for when I am out onstage again dancing. Waiting for my body to once again be able to do what I need it to do to feel like me.

I have had enough rewarding shows in the last year to know that I could continue dancing—shift how I approach the work and find new meaning in a more limited repertoire. But I’m ready to stop. I am ready to pay attention to something new, to reorient my relationship to myself and to those around me. My body, my dancing body, has been the part of me I have prioritized above all else for over 16 years—the part to which I have given the most attention and care. And I don’t want to pay attention to my body in this way anymore, with my physicality and ever-increasing limitations dictating how I live both onstage and off.

Janzen in Pam Tanowitz's Law of Mosaics. Photo: Erin Baiano via Gramilano

There is much loss in this first death. I will not diminish the grief and sadness of this time, but as I’m nearing the final moments of my dance career I’m also thinking about how this ending means I get to have another life, one with different kinds of freedom.

After finishing dancing I plan to pursue a degree in social work. I don’t have much of a sense of what this will look like or where it will lead me, but I know that it will offer me an entirely different framework through which I might understand and experience the world. Rather than narrowing in again on something specific, my hope is that this will be a time of exploration, an opening up of possibilities.

As I am writing this, I have three remaining performances including my retirement show. I’ll be dancing “Diamonds” in Balanchine’s “Jewels,” a ballet that has taken me through my entire career. It was my first ballet with the company (aside from “The Nutcracker”). And in 2014 the principal role, which I’ll be retiring with, was one of my first really major parts.

“Diamonds” ends in an epic display of grandiosity and classicism. Thirty-six dancers move in shifting patterns—turning, jumping, and polonaising around the stage. In one of the last moments the entire cast moves in unison. All the dancers unfurl a leg into an extended line in front of them, foot pointed and rotated, displayed for the audience: Look at our feet and our legs, look at these bodies of ours. Watch us dance and see how this life, our dedication, and our passion has shaped us.

On Sunday, while my back might be tight, and my knee might not bend as pliantly as it once did, my body won’t be failing me. This is my body now, after 16 years dancing the greatest ballets. In these last shows I will get to support a treasured partner, dance with people I’ve known for much of my life, and propel myself into the air and around the stage. I will get to be in my body, in whatever state it is in, in a way that I love, using it to take me through the contours and shapes of one of my favorite dances. Then the curtain will come down, and I will move on to something new.

Sara Mearns and Janzen in Balanchine's Chaconne, 2014. Photo: Paul Kolnik via Pinterest

[addict4kpopp]

Insecurities • Park Jimin

Summary: A young girl that has been bullied for half of her life for her appearance meets a charming and charismatic man who helps her open up and be proud of who she is.

Genre: Romance, Mental Abuse, Insecurity

Pairing:Park Jimin x Fem Reader

=======

"Tch, look at you. Do you think anybody will want crap that is ugly like this???!" Your bully said towering over you while her companions laughed. 'Ugly duckling! Ugly duckling! Ugly duckling!!,' Everyone began chanting, I felt so hurt that I pushed the girls out of my way and ran quickly to the bathroom. Tired of all the bullying I was getting at home and school, I began to cry, "I can't take this anymore."

I decided to spend my entire class session inside the bathroom, ashamed and timid to go back to my classroom, that's when the only thought that ran through my head was the thought to end it all. Hearing the lunch bell echoing throughout the hallway, you headed up to the roof of the school building. Inhaling the intoxicated smell of the cold winter day, I closed my eyes as I felt tears exiting them.

Taking a deep breath, I reopened my eyes and placed my backpack on the bench to the rear wall before removing my school shoes ready to admit your end. I was just about to step off to the edge of the wall when I heard a sweet, angelic calm voice behind me, "What do you think you are doing?"

Shocked and surprised, I spun around losing my footing but I was saved just in time as the man grabbed hold of my hand as fell right into his opening arms. My cheeks felt hot as I quickly jumped to my feet, embarrassed at what happened. Giving him an apologetic bow, "I-Im sorry."

He folded his arms over his chest as a small giggle escaped his lips, "No need to do that, the best thing is that you are alive."

Rapidly grabbing my belongings, I was about to rush down the stairs when I heard the man stop me, "What's your name??"

"My name is Sara Choi."

"I hope we'll meet again soon."

=========

Finally, the last bell of the day rang and you were definitely not grateful mainly because your plan had failed and you were brought to the principal because so overseers saw what took placed with the bullies.

You were about to go through the school gate when you spotted the dude that saved you on the rooftop, trying to avoid him you lifted your hand to your cheek to hide your face from him but that was when you heard him shout your name.

Seeing that the unavoidable could not be unavoidable, you stood in your exact spot as he jogged over to you. With a jagged breath he asked you, "You going home right now??"

"Yeah. I am, why?"

"Let's go out." You felt your body shiver, "Ew, no." That's when he started to laugh, "Wow, Ms. Choi, your expectations are very far."

"Not it isn't, " You muttered as you stared at the ground feeling the sense of embarrassment creeping in. "Let's go." Grabbing onto his wrist, you pulled him behind you but that's when you were halted by some familiar footsteps. Slowly, you looked up to see, her, Jang Hana. "I see, you have added a new toy to your collection."

Jimin pulled you back making it possible that you were behind him. As he stared at Hana, you felt the atmosphere around you feel dark and cold. "If I were you, I'd leave her alone from this day forward." He said as his tone got deeper but instead of feeling any intimidation, Hana began to laugh as if she had officially gone mad. "Ha! What do you think you can do to me? Fight me? Kill me?"

Letting go of my hands he walked over to Hana, gently leaning over to her ear, "Babygirl, I can do something even worse." That's when all the pride that she had suddenly disappeared as her face began pale. Stomping away on fury, you started to giggle as you walked over to him, "What did you say to her that made her so pale?"

As he winked at me, you felt your stomach fill with butterflies, "That's our secret."

"Oh? So your keeping secrets?"

"I'll let you in onto it, soon. Now, let's go get something to eat."

=======

After enjoying the delicacies, the two decided to walk through the park not too far away from the restaurant. Walking along the bridge, you had decided to ask the question you longed to ask about, "So, what did you say to her?" He turned to look at you, looking a little confused, "Hana. What did you say to her?"

"Oh, I just told her that she should leave you alone or else she'd suffer some consequences." You just nodded as the cold night wind blew through the hair of both. You were interrupted when your phone began to ring, "You should answer it."

You nodded, "Yeah but I have something I wanna say." He stared at me so attentively that I had to take a deep breath in. "Jimin. You are the first person I have ever met that made me feel like-" You were cut short when you felt his soft plump pink lips against yours, without giving this a second thought, you kissed him back passionately. Pulling apart, you looked up into his beautiful siren eyes, "What was that for?"

"To prove that I love you."

[classicsubliminalbo]

Fleur-de-lis 14: Selena's Recruitment

Originally published Jan 17, 2016 This series has been retconned

Fleur-de-lis isn't in the business of taking celebrities. Conspiracies to mass brainwash people is more Obedience by Victoria territory. Elena Maxwell is content with her harem of mindless models as long as they're making money for her company. Sure, there's the occasional reporter who catches a glimpse of the conditioning booths backstage at the Fleur-de-lis Fashion Show, and they're promptly reeducated in one, but no one without a modeling contract is held for too long. They're simply sent along their way with no memory of Maxwell's wrongdoing.

So now you might be wondering why Selena Gomez was looking awfully vacant at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Her eyes as blank as a Fleur-de-lis model, almost as if she'd gone a couple rounds with Maxwell's brainwashing program. Maybe it was hubris, but when Selena refused Fleur-de-lis' offer to perform at the fashion show in favorite of Victoria's Secret's, Elena Maxwell ordered the young starlet to submit to her like all of the women before had. Selena's resistance was weak, and the program made short work of the girl's will.

What did Elena plan to do with a pop star? The obvious answer was force her to perform at the fashion show, but they had already booked their second choice. If Elena threw Selena down the runway in a pair of lingerie, Fleur-de-lis' reputation would take a hit in the fashion community, so that was an obvious no go. But having been booked as the headlining performer at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, Selena offered Maxwell a rare opportunity for some corporate espionage.

Selena performed at the show as planned, paling around with Victoria's Secret's newest models. A rash of departures had left the show's lineup with a fresh cast of young models looking for their big chance to break into the industry, and of course all excited for the opportunity to hang out with Selena Gomez. Now Maxwell had a direct pipeline to some of the most promising young talent in the industry and she didn't even have to hire a scout to hang around a mall.

After a rowdy afterparty, Selena invited two of her favorite models from the show to join her for some more fun. They followed, unaware that Selena was leading them back to the offices of Fleur-de-lis where they would sign their contracts.

"Sara and Taylor are being processed right now, Goddess," Selena reported to Maxwell. "Well done, Selena. You've been a good little double agent." Selena sighed at her Goddess' admiration. Just imagining Sara and Taylor being brainwashed made her sentimental for her own conditioning. "Anything for you, Goddess." Maxwell smiled and stood up from her desk. As she powered down her computer she said, "It's much too late now. I'm going home. Our new employees will be ready for us in the morning."

Selena glanced down at the floor and frowned. "Goddess," she began. "What do you plan on doing with me...now that I've finished my task?"

"Well, I suppose..." Maxwell paused. She had planned on releasing Selena like she were anyone else, but it was hard to let go of a prize like her. "You know, Selena, before my husband died, I was a very prudish woman," Elena began, moving across the desk to stand face to face with Selena. "I despised being married to a lingerie magnate. But it's been...lonely since he died. I would have never thought of sharing a bed with another woman," Slowly she pulled at the straps of Selena's dress, dropping down and freeing the young woman's breasts. Selena whimpered, but remained still, waiting for a command. "Conditioning these models to be loyal to my company was only a means to make it profitable. But there's something intoxicating about it. Forcing someone to submit, having another human under your complete control. I guess I just couldn't help myself." She smiled as her hand found Selena's moist pussy. "You love serving me don't you?"

"At first," Selena gasped. "I was frightened. But I never knew it would...feel so good..." Elena licked Selena's juices from her fingers. "I've grown fond of you, Selena. I'm sure I can find something for you to do around my home."

Maybe Elena was out of control, taking a celebrity as big as Selena Gomez. But you don't come by this kind of power without losing a bit of your own mind in the process. Perhaps Selena, she thought, would make a fine maid.

[genshinlover101]

Hey there! I absolutely love your work and i was wondering about your post with top vibes. Can you do it where their s/o gives them bottom vibes?

Her Saying You Give Off Bottom Vibes

Characters: Raiden Shogun, Ayaka, Kokomi, Sara, Yae Miko x gn!reader

Warnings: Nsfw Themes, slight usage of profanity

A/n: Thank you!

I hope I chose the correct characters for this 😖 I have two posts now about top vibes so I decided to go with the OG set of Inazuma characters

Link to prt 2 (not connected, only if you want more)

• Ei had somewhat of a control complex over humans, so you were perfect for her. She knew she could have her way with you, and you’d obey perfectly. She’d never take such a gem as yourself for granted.

• Ei had full control over almost every situation. The situation in Inazuma being a perfect example of that. She would be very possessive over you, viewing her as her little toy. Nobody could play with you, not even the Shogun.

• She would keep you in her room for the day. When she returned it would be time to play again, allowing you to jump excitedly into her lap and inquire about the day as she tamed you. She’d even let you play with her hair out of boredom. 

She waved you over to sit with Ei between your legs facing away from you. Her long purple hair unfurled to you as you divided it into three sections. Because of her copious amounts of hair, it often took a while to braid Ei’s hair after a shower. But you didn’t mind, it gave you something to do during the day other than wait for her to return to you after presiding Inazuma.

You began braiding it loosely, a couple of stray strands escaping to flow in front of her face. It wafted a dizzy smell from her shampoo of natural sakura petals. A smell that was all too familiar to you, intoxicating  you.

You knew what was coming next after braiding her hair, you needed to somehow quench Ei’s insatiable hunger for you. As you tied her hair to finish up, she turned to face you with a deep breath. Forcing you to lay back on the bed as she rested her head on your chest, you would pet her scalp of hair ever so slightly. 

“Come here little one, let me reward you,” You lifted your head to meet hers, giving you a smooch. One kiss turned into two, and two turned into a session between you. She kissed you so desperately as if you’d slip from her hands at any minute.

As you both parted for air she looked at you with lust in her eyes, you swore you could see a red glimmer from her pupils. “What is so special about you? After centuries you are the only human to make me bend over backward,” You were about to answer that you didn’t know, but she quickly silenced you. Overpowering your movements with her own, she would make tonight quite interesting. 

• Ayaka is beyond shy, this girl probably didn’t even know what a top or bottom was before you. She just knows you were so cute and lovable, she just wanted to eat you up.

• Ayaka would lose herself in you. She’d be so gentle, even if it ruined the mood she’d ask permission before doing anything. She just wanted to make sure you were 100% safe.

• You thought it would be kind to do one favor for Ayaka after the countless she’s done for you. Specifically, you wanted to bring her some tea after a long day, it was the least you could do. 

You timidly knocked on the door to announce your entry. Your hips must’ve swayed a certain way, or your eyes gleamed a certain sparkle to put her under a spell so easily. With the tea kettle and a single empty teacup on a tray, you allowed yourself to pour your mistress a cup of fresh tea.

“Thank you, my love,” she sipped from the cup. “But what about you?” She wanted to dine with you. 

“Don’t worry about me, I’m only repaying a favor in the small way that I can.” Before you could say anymore she placed the cup on your lips, allowing you to drink from her cup. You were surprised at her sudden boldness.

“No, I insist,” You drank a sip or two before she took the cup away. The clumsy uncoordinated movements allowed a spillage to occur on your lips, a stream of tea dripping down your chin. “My apologies,” She lightly giggled. Although, you knew she did it on purpose.

“Allow me?” Like the esteemed princess she was, she would never engage you without permission first. It was only basic etiquette. You expected a thumb to wipe over your lips, only for Ayaka to grip your cheek, pulling you in closer to her face. She licked the small stream off, slowly emerging to a steamy kiss that she initiated.

When you two parted you both had the brightest blushes on your faces. Too focused on your own embarrassment to see each other. Such a bold move for a small timid girl like Ayaka.

• Kokomi would try and restrain herself around you. But something about you just made her want to take care of you, nurture you, do anything physical with you. She hoped it was just a side thought, she would hate to think of you so naughty.

• Kokomi would baby you. If you were around her she would keep you in her arms to protect you. She thought you were so cute even if you thought you were an annoyance to her.

• The poor introverted Kokomi wanted nothing but you to be there while she studied her war strategies. You helped her focus just being there with you in her arms. You were like a stress toy to her. Without you, she wouldn’t be able to keep her mind off of you.

Kokomi had you in between her legs cuddling with her. She was reading countless books she had checked out about war strategies to hone her skills. A clear sign of frustration on her face as she was confused about a certain chapter.

She placed the book gently down on the nightstand, before grabbing her ponytail which split into two with each hand, gripping it tightly. Pulling her hair to her face to scream loudly, her hair muffling the sound. “What’s all the commotion?” you asked.

She let her ponytail fall loosely again, wrapping her arms around you hopelessly. “Ah this strategy that the Shogun uses often, it has me to say the least... confused.” She nuzzled her head further into your back. Your scent comforting her ever so slightly, “Oh what would I do without you?” She asked.

She began leaving little kisses on your nape, which turned into suckling of your skin. It was clear she wanted to leave a mark. Her hands which were wrapped around your waist, found themselves pulling up your shirt as her hands roamed your midriff. They quickly grazed your chest before quickly retreating to grab the book on the nightstand.

“Hmph, can’t get distracted now can we?” She tried to play it off, and if you could see her face you knew she had the biggest blush ever. A girl like Kokomi would of course be far too shy to bring herself to the next stage in the relationship.

• Sara was irritated with you because even if you were doing absolutely nothing, she would get easily distracted by you. Something about you drew her in and poor innocent her had no idea what it was.

• Sara would try and shoo you away to prevent her from losing focus. But you were just too enticing, she couldn’t bring herself to do it fully. You’d end up in her arms while she finished up her work.

• Sara tried everything to keep you away from her office. If you had entered, You would’ve messed up her concentration. You promised though, this once you would be silent and just read a book or something. She allowed it unbeknownst that you would be a distraction just sitting there

Even though you sat in a cushion alone in a corner reading a simple book, it was hard for Sara to keep her eyes off of you. She would grind her teeth in utter frustration that she could barely finish a document with you looking so venerable in her peripheral. 

She wanted to do something, anything to you. She began tapping her feathered pen against the desk anxiously, catching your attention. Just one stare from you to meet eye contact was enough to be her calling. With an audible sigh, she rolled her eyes. “Come here,” she tapped her thighs to signal you. 

You had a light smirk, knowing whatever you were doing was successfully seducing Sara. You made your way towards her, sitting beside her with a side-eye. Allowing Sara to slowly straddle you as she looked you directly in the eyes. The blush on her face was undeniable, no matter how submissive you were she would never get used to this power dynamic.

“You’re the one who wanted to be in my office in the first place,” she said convincing herself that she was allowed to do whatever she wanted with you now that you were in her hold. She scoffed, “I mean look at you. You’re trapped in my palms now.”

She lowered herself onto your neck, you opened it up to allow more room for her. Giving her a little moan as she bit down onto it. You could tell through her breathing that she was growing more frantic, she wanted more. But you wouldn’t let her.

With the same shit-eating grin you pushed her head off of you. “Not right now, after all, you’re trying to focus aren’t you?” Two could play at that game. You would make her wait till she could no longer.

• Yae Miko will tease you half to death. She would take advantage of you, do anything to embarrass you. It made her feel a tingly sensation inside of satisfaction.

• Miko would purposely play with you, commanding you to do things that you thought were degrading. Your cute reactions were enough to make her spine tickle.

• Miko had you do the bare minimum to help around the Narukami Shrine. Deliver the fortune slips, she said. Seems simple enough, until you tripped over your own feet, making the tray splatter all over you.

Miko licked her fingers as if she was about to do some fine dining with such a clumsy lover. The fortune slips scattered all around you and a dent in the metal tray. “Ah~ such a cutie. What do you suppose I should do with you Hmm?”

She squatted next to you with her arms around her knees, looking at you fondly. Actually, scratch that, it was like she was looking at her prey. Observing your shy movements after messing up that badly with such an easy task. She brushed her slim fingers against your cheek with a sneaky smirk on her face.

“My my- for a mere human you’re just the cutest thing there is aren’t you,” she allowed herself to get closer and closer to you. Eventually, her body was draped above yours, her vibrant pink hair tickling your nose as she debated what she was going to do with you.

“I bet you’re just shaking in your boots right now huh? Waiting for me to do... hmmm,” She whispered in your ear. “I suppose this?” She licked behind your ear, giving you shivers. leaving a trail of saliva from your ear lobe, all the way down through the bottom of your neck. One hand supported her body up, while the other gripped your waist firmly, kneading it like dough.

She backed off with the same mischievous smirk before quickly picking herself back up. “Aren’t you a bit naughty? I supposed I’ll have to punish you later today,” She said with a light giggle. 

[zee-has-commitment-issues]

Please talk about the lighting in young royals, would love to hear your thoughts

Oh, my lord. Bestie, I am so glad you asked. You have no idea how long I have been waiting for someone to ask me this question.

Settle in, folks, this one will probably be a long one. (I'll be using lots of gifs and/or pictures. Not a single one belongs to me)

Let's start with the one that everyone knows, and the one that sparked this ask.

The Gold Scenes.

Examples:

The gold scenes are entirely Wilmon scenes, and only in their most intimate moments. Both happy and sad. The scene in Wille's room is happy, content. They finally have a moment together and neither of them is worried about anything other than each other. The scene in Simon's room is giddy. They're entirely wrapped up in each other. They, once again, can't be bothered to think of anything other than each other. The scene at Lucia is sad. They're coming back together after being angry with each other. They're realizing they need each other. They're realizing that they only want each other.

The gold is warm and loving. It envelops them. It makes them glow. Have you ever heard the phrase "you're glowing"? Because that's literally what this is.

To be glowing: "to look attractive because you are happy or healthy, especially with eyes that are shining"

These are moments when they are their most authentic. The moments they can just exist with each other. Moments they want to stay in. These are also the moments we, as an audience, tend to gravitate to because it makes us feel something, too.

The (solo) Blue Scenes.

Examples:

The (solo) blue scenes are pretty much just the characters self destructing. I think they all have a scene that's blue. Every time Wille looks at himself in the mirror, it's blue. When Felice is throwing up, or posting on Instagram, or doing her thing to Wille's picture in episode one, it's blue. When Simon visits his dad, it's blue. When Stella cheats on her test, it's blue. After August admits he has no money, it's blue. Even for the "insignificant characters" who are doing self-destructive things, there is blue around them.

When the characters are alone in a blue scene, they're engaged in self-destructive activities. They might be mentally spiralling, or getting intoxicated, or cheating on a test, but they're all at varying degrees of self destruction. Almost exclusively. I don't think there is a solo blue scene where the character is just vibing. They're all absolutely going through it if the surrounding lighting is blue and they're alone.

The (duo) Blue Scenes.

Examples:

The (duo) blue scenes might be some of my favorite. They are the "fundamental shift in relationship" scenes. This lighting happens when two (or more) characters change the course of their relationship. Good or bad.

We see it mostly with Wilmon, but most of the scenes where lighting is significant tends to relate to Wilmon, so that's not really surprising. We see it in their hand holding scene, their first kiss, the football field, their first time. All of these are the major shifts within their relationship. Things that change the course of their story for better or worse.

We also see it with Felice and Sara more than once. We see it when they first become friends at the party and also when they make up after Sara said those things at parents day. The two times they made a conscious decision to be friends and not enemies. The two times they decided their friendship was worth it. The two times everything between them changed.

The (duo) blue scenes are the moments when things change within a relationship. When things move forward no matter the consequences.

That's all tumblr will let me post for now because I used too many images haha. Please let me know if you want a part two because this is really only like half of it. Maybe.

[stranger-marauders]

unbreakable

seven: the aftermath

chapter summary: After the party, Kate finds she has more than a hangover.

chapter warnings: alcohol intoxication, steve being a bad friend

word count: 2.1k

series masterlist | masterlist

WHEN STEVE AND Nancy had finally made it to his room, they had found Kate wearing only his dark blue sweatshirt and passed out in his bed.

Nancy hadn't pictured Steve's room in her mind perfectly compared to the actual room, but she'd been pretty close. She had pinned the dark blue bedding, and the light-wooded furniture, but she hadn't pinned down the checkered wallpaper in his room, nor would she have assumed he'd have so many pictures of him and Kate in his room. The blonde girl in his bed had almost been perfect—she'd been in all of his pictures, of course she'd be in his bed, too.

Steve, however, immediately laughed at the sight of his best friend, almost as if he were trying to ease the tension of the room. He didn't know if he had laughed because of his nervousness, because he was worried about her, or even because he was just tipsy and everything was funny right now, but he went with it. "I'm gonna take her down the hall."

Nancy nodded. "I... I think I'll go ahead and change."

Steve had no idea that by the time he would come back, Nancy definitely would not be changed into drier clothing.

Without another word, Steve scooped Kate into her arms, carrying her into the guest bedroom across the hall from his.

When the Hoppers and the Harringtons had travelled together when they were younger, Steve and Kate had always slept in the same bed (of course, leaving Sara out, because they were the "big kids"). When they hit middle school, their parents had told the two children that it wasn't exactly appropriate for them to be sleeping in the same bed anymore. It hadn't proven to be too much of a problem until Kate and her father had moved to Hawkins the summer before seventh grade began, which was when that rule had been emphasized even more. Of course, Steve and Kate had hardly ever listened to their parents unless his mother or her father had come to check on them and one of them had fallen asleep. If it had been Steve's mother who had checked on them, then Kate would move to the guest bedroom across from Steve's own bedroom (because, back then, Steve had always fallen asleep first). 

That night, however, when Steve put Kate to bed, something that he thought was a first for the two of them, Kate wasn't as asleep as she had appeared to be. When he'd dropped her into the bed, pulling the comforter on top of her, she mumbled something, but Steve could barely make it out. "St–Steve..."

He sat next to the somewhat unconscious girl in the bed. "Kathy?"

"Steve...," she repeated slowly. She mumbled something again before rolling over, but once again, he'd missed her say, "I love you."

He shook his head. He knew that anything coming out of Kate's mouth for the rest of the night wouldn't be right, so he decided to leave her alone so she could sleep until the next morning: he knew that tomorrow she had a rough day ahead of her, considering her hangover would most likely be terrible (as the first one was always the worst), but he wanted to prevent her from having an even worse one. "Goodnight, Kathy."

As he walked off to greet Nancy again, hoping that maybe the night for them wouldn't be ruined, Kate slept all of her troubles away, Tommy and Carol were doing what they always did at events like this one, and Barbara Holland was gone, never to be seen alive again.

When he'd finally gotten home after a long night of searching, Hopper had panicked when he hadn't found Kate in her room.

Of course, he quickly remembered that she had been staying at Steve's for the night, and most of his worry for her as he grabbed a beer from the refrigerator (of course, he always worried about his daughter, but it came in waves).

Most parents, especially in small towns like Hawkins, would have raised an eye at their daughter going to a boy's house, especially for the night. Realistically, Hopper would have too if it would have been anyone but Steve.

Even though he had been a boy, it was still Steve. He'd known the kid for almost his entire life. Hopper knew that even if the kid acted like an ass sometimes, he wasn't near as much of one as he let on to be.

In recent years, the boy had made Hopper wary of him. Steve's slight dickishness had never been what made him wary, though—Hopper had been wary of him because the kid reminded him so much of himself whenever he had been in high school. He knew that even if Steve had been somewhat of a handful sometimes, he knew the kid, more than anything, cared about his own kid, so he would let it slide, no matter what.

Even so, Hopper would always worry about his daughter, even if he knew she was safe.

With everything that had happened in the past couple of days, which had felt like weeks—Joyce Byers's kid going missing, Benny shooting himself in the head—for the first time in a long time, Hopper had been scared. The man had been riddled with anxiety when he got home and when he left for work again because he knew, even if for now she had been safe, he would be so much worse off if he lost her, too. He knew that it wasn't just him that was nervous, because every time he'd been around Kate, he'd sensed her on edge since Will had gone missing. He'd rather have her worried than missing, though, never mind even possibly gone for good.

Hopper didn't know what he'd do with himself if anything happened to Kate—maybe he'd finally lose it once and for all.

Kate woke up the next morning with a splitting migraine.

She groaned, realizing she'd somehow ended up in the guest bedroom across the hall from Steve's room. When she'd finally been able to open her eyes for more than a moment or two, everything had seemed so bright, especially with the sun beginning to peek through the window. She looked to the bedside table only to find two aspirin and a glass of water.

Steve.

Whenever she'd made it downstairs, she quickly found Steve in the kitchen.

He had already taken a shower, dealing with the Hair situation presumably before the sun had even risen. He'd even gotten dressed already, and now in his morning routine, he was making himself a bowl of cereal.

Before too long, he had recognized her presence, feeling her stare. "You feeling okay?"

"What?" she asked, getting snapped out of her gaze. "Oh, yeah. Yeah, just a headache, that's all."

"That's it?"

"Well, I mean, my eyes sting, but I haven't decided if that's because of the alcohol or because of the fact that I'm looking at you right now," she said, smiling smugly.

He shook his head, trying to fight off his own smile. "You think you're so funny."

"Just a little bit. Funnier than you, anyway," she said, taking a seat next to him. "I probably smell like beer right now."

"Oh yeah. Totally," he said, taking another bite of Cheerios. "Nothing a shower won't fix, though."

"Yeah, probably." She stood up, rubbing her face before she looked down at her watch.

"Hurry up or you'll run out of time. I do not want to deal with your stench all day."

She rolled her eyes, pressing her lips together. "Thanks, asshole."

Without another word, she trotted along upstairs to the bathroom, hoping nothing more than to wash the stench, as he'd so lovingly put it, of last night off her body.

Kate's migraine still hadn't cleared by the time she and Steve had gotten to school.

"What the hell did I even do last night?" Kate asked. While the aspirin had helped slightly, her head still throbbed. The light inside had even still been a little too bright for her liking, but her sensitivity to them had slowly started to clear.

The boy only laughed at his best friend as he watched her try to navigate her first hangover. In terms of hangovers, hers hadn't been so bad. She had woken up with a bad migraine, which had been much better than his first hangover, quite possibly even better than some of his more recent ones. "Uh, what do you remember?"

"Kinda goes blank after Nancy and Barbara showed up," she replied, shrugging slightly. "I remember the wine, I remember the first couple of beers, but I pretty much was blacked out by the time they actually got there."

"Well, would you like to be enlightened on what drunk you is like?"

She hesitated, eventually shrugging. "Sure, why not."

He laughed uneasily. "All right, so you stripped in front of everyone, swam in the pool, and shotgunned a beer, so you're missing a lot in there. I think you also became friends with Barbara somehow?"

She laughed until she looked at his face again, which still carried the same worried expression. "Wait, you're not kidding?"

He nodded, his expression turning to a slightly horrified one. "No, I'm not. It was terrifying, honestly." 

She sighed, putting her head in her hand. "Steve, never under any circumstances let me ever do that again."

He nodded again, chuckling slightly. "Gladly. I don't want to witness that again."

Kate hesitated to ask another question. "You know what Nancy's friend and I were talking about?"

Steve shook his head. "I have no idea. You could probably ask her if you see her today. You'll probably end up remembering it all by next week, though, so don't worry about it. That's how it goes for me, anyway."

She stifled a laugh. "Oh yeah? And how does that work out for you?"

He gave her an unreadable expression. "It depends on where I was, I guess. Let's just say I never recommend getting shitfaced after doing a keg. Just a simple word of advice."

Even though she'd laughed at his comment, he would never understand how much she'd been feeling at the moment. Kate would never tell him, but she had been disappointed in the fact that he'd let her do all of those things. She couldn't remember how many times at parties they'd gone to together that she had to stop him from embarrassing himself, or at least embarrassing himself more than he already had been. She couldn't believe that he'd let her do those things, especially all in one night. Of course, she had absolutely no recollection of his multiple attempts to stop her.

Steve, as they roamed the hallways, had finally found Nancy at her locker. "I hate to leave you, but I should, I... probably go and talk to her. About last night."

Kate run her fingers through her hair. She didn't even want to ask—she knew what had happened last night, but she asked anyway. "So, you guys did it, huh?"

He shoved her lightly before walking off and smiling. "Shut up."

Kate, however, hadn't smiled, and only stared at the boy as she thought through why she had cared so much about him in the first place.

As she walked to her first period class, hoping to find Jessica and Kim, Kate started to realize how much Steve had disappointed her, how wrong he'd been to her, felt to her for a while. She hadn't ever truly wanted to admit it, but she could only take so much of the endless stream of girls that always seemed to want to sleep with him, and all of it just so he could get another notch on his belt. She was tired of Steve always sacrificing her for his thrown at Hawkins High. To Kate, none of it mattered. All of it was stupid, just like him, and after the previous night's events, she knew that even if she was doing something completely and utterly out of the ordinary (at least, out of the ordinary for her), he wouldn't care in the slightest.

At that moment, that hurt Kate, possibly more than anything else in the entire world.

next chapter

tag list:

@thatsonezesty13 @cece5 @thepowerstoner @alovelytardis @coolchick333 @stand-tall-pineapple

[romeowho]

blitz being meaner to m&m in season 2 actually makes a lot of sense when you consider he stood up for moxxie then got thoroughly embarrassed and rejected in front of them. so to make himself feel not so vulnerable and raw, he's pushing them away cuz they saw him at his weakest.

[shintin]

Her: A Memoir Chapter 4 (Treasure)

↳ Gojo Satoru x Female Reader

— Hey, Hi. How are you doing? I'm not sure who you are or where you live, but I didn't have anyone to tell my story to. You mind if I write it down for you? You have time to hear it?

Everything started from the day he became my best friend. My one and only. We grew up without a mother, father, and family except each other. We ate together, played together, and laughed together. On the cold nights of the orphanage, he was the one who lent me his blanket, and I was the one who kissed his wounds after every fight. His blue eyes smiled at me for 17 years, and my heart carried his love no question asked.

Life was no fairytale, but none of it mattered. I had him, and he had me. But it didn't last forever.

I could never forget that cold autumn afternoon. I stood in the crowded corridor of that hospital and cried over his test results. He had cancer, and my only thought was how to prevent death by doing us part.

You know, I was in love with him, and I was willing to do whatever it takes to keep that damn smile on his lips, even if I wasn't going to be able to see it anymore.

I have no regrets about the unforgiving things I did out of love.

I love him, and I had and held him, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, but … doesn't matter anymore.

Be happy with her, my Satoru.

Genre: heavy angst, cancer, modern au, (+18).

Tags/Warnings: Graphic depiction of rape (spoiler: don't worry), heavy angst.

Author Note: She was only 16 years old when it happened.

Song Recommendation: Sara Bareilles - She Used To Be Mine

Chapter Index -> Next chapter

Year: 2014

The school pool was located across the courtyard in a newly constructed hangar with an elevated roof. The floor was covered with beautiful blue tiles that enhanced the color of the water. Ocean blue, Like his eyes. Something I really liked about the place.

My best days were when I ran across the soccer field and made my way into swimming class. I was a good swimmer with a promising future. It felt good to be good at something, intoxicating. But the bug in the creation system and the idle gods above the skies caught me off guard. They never ask your opinion when they write about your destiny. They say we have "the right" to change our own fate. I say fuck them all. Orphans don't have such luxury. Otherwise, I would never have wanted that doom of deep shit for myself.

"Girls, class is over! Don't leave your stuff in the pool! See you all on Monday and enjoy the weekend!"  Throwing her towel over her shoulder, the coach waved to the students and walked to the locker room with a smile. As she left, the students took turns pulling themselves out of the pool, and the water splatters echoed in the ample enclosed space.

Y/N came out of the water in the farthest corner and sat on the poolside. The water slowly flowed out of her hair on her shoulders and found itself between her breasts, now wholly blossomed. Her delicate fingers crawled through her wet hair and pushed it back. Her eyes were closed, and under the sunlight that crept in from the window corner, her rosy lips were more defined on her pale face, granting her more innocence than the angels of the seven heavens.

Hearing loud laughter, she opened her eyes and, without looking at the girls gathered on the other side of the pool, started doing her post-swim practices, stretching her arms to massaging her muscles for good measure of time. Not because she was self-absorbed or a selfish bitch; no, she just didn't like Mean Girls movie's reincarnation company. To be honest, they didn't like her much either. Kind of heart speaks to a heart condition.

After ensuring that her right groin wouldn't hurt at night, Y/N stood up and headed towards the locker room, still ignoring the girls. She opened her locker, and after grabbing the towel, her hands quickly went into her backpack and picked up her phone. A smile set upon her face as soon as her eyes fell on the screen, on her best friend's name, his nickname.

Windex: I'll be about half an hour late. The coach wants to give us a silly pep talk :(

Windex: I hate basketball!!!

Windex: I'd rather take a swim class with you. Peeping girls with you, while they are in their bathing suits could be our special bonding ritual :( :( :(

Windex: I have to go! Make sure you dry your hair. I don't want to catch a cold again.

Windex: I wish you were here, Y/N.

Her eyes read the last message over and over again, until each letter was forever engraved in the hypothalamus of her brain, where no one could reach it, no one could take it from her— her treasures.

I didn't have a boyfriend. I mean, when your parents drop you off at the orphanage door from day one, you grow up with the idea that you're not lovable. Let's not forget the trust issues. (Also, for the record, I was sure I'm not gay somehow. Since I preferred to look at basketball players' legs and buttocks than cheerleaders' asses.)

It seems that in the midst of Big Bang and all the other bullshit, a glitch happened, because Satoru broke my curse and became the first person to gain my trust with his warm friendship. But unfortunately, as someone who had been deprived of love her whole life, I added extra meanings to his actions, to his words… I told myself that if I kept these sweet dreams to myself, they wouldn't hurt anyone. How was a high school girl supposed to know that it would bite her own ass in the end?

Y/N's smile got more prominent, and the butterflies started floating in her stomach as her fingers started typing.

Smiley: You're a walking nut, Satoru!

Smiley: Meet you out front at the basketball court.

Smiley: Please, just take a shower! You stink after matches!

After pushing the send button, she lazily sat on the bench and started scrolling through her social media accounts to kill time.

It is a fact that no matter how much a person tries to be invisible, in the end, their presence will become a thorn in the eye of another. Y/N was no exception when it was a matter of bad luck.

"She is like the gum beneath Satoru's shoe!"

Y/N's eyes widened, but they kept staring at the phone. Were they talking about her?

"I can't even tell what he sees in her! Does he have no eyes? How he can't see a good-looking girl like me!"

She knew the owner of the voice, the president of the Mean Girls community.

"That's got to be an orphan thing. Otherwise, there's no reason for a basketball player like him to be friends with a normal girl like her!"

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. All she had to do was count back 10 to 1, and everything would be sorted out. Otherwise, she would count backward from 15, 20, 25, 30, and even 100.

She sighed.

Ten

She had well learned these rituals of suppressing anger by practice and repetition, for this was not the first time she had been exposed to such words.

Nine

Satoru becoming one of the school's popular basketball players was the starting point of the girls' backbites.

Eight

Puberty was kind to him, turning him from a white-haired weirdo into a prince fucking charming who set these hot to trot girls' loins on fire.

Seven

She couldn't care less about them.

Six

Where were they when no one wanted to eat with him at the same table?

Five

Were they around when that little boy jolted awake drenched in sweats?

Four

Did they know how to whisper "I'm here, all is well, Satoru" in his ear to make his nightmares disappear?

Three

No. They didn't, but she did.

Two

Nine years wasn't a short time for her to learn about all his curves and sharp edges, was it?

One

She shook her head, slowly her fist parted, and her fingers released.

You probably feel like you know me now and have a sense of who I am and my background. But you don't know, not exactly.

It's hard to tell. Most days, I don't recognize myself. These shoes, this dress, this house, and the pictures on the walls have taken more than I gave them.

I'm no longer like I used to be. Although, indeed, I was never a sweet attention center. I still remember the girl who was imperfect, but she tried. She was good, but she lied. She was brutal with herself. She got broken and didn't ask for help. She was messy, but she was kind. She was lonely most of the time. She was reckless, just enough for her love. She was hurt, but she learned how to toughen up when she was bruised. She was all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie, but she is gone now.

Life just slipped through a back door, carved out me, and turned me into something I never asked for. Honestly, I would give it all back for a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two for the girl that I knew.

You look like you're up for a question. Wait a bit more. I'll answer them and bet you're going to hate me.

Y/N got up, picked up her towel, knocked on her locker door, and headed for the shower. She rushed to one of the cabins, quickly switched on the tap, and let the water caress her gently like a soothing cascade. She rested her head on the cold tiles and hugged her bare body under the warm summer rain. Feeling sharp drops of water on her shoulder, she asked herself, was Satoru worth all the trouble? She closed her eyes. The answer was obvious. It had always been obvious.

No matter what, she would choose him. In a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, she would find him and choose him. Why? The answer was hidden in an old memory.

It was the memory of a spring day, with mild weather, where we were lying together under the oak tree of the orphanage. No words were spoken besides those from the kids around. I was happy. Content. I felt as though life couldn't possibly get any better than this moment. The leaves of the old tree shifted with the wind, and the sun found its way to my face throughout them, causing me to shut my eyes and turn towards him promptly.

It struck me then how much I loved him by my side. His hands were folded under his head, his blue eyes unwavering under the rays of the morning sun. At that moment, a surety rose in my heart, lodged in my throat.

'I'll never leave him. It will be this, always, for as long as he will let me.'

If I had words to say such a thing, I would have. But none seemed big enough for it, to hold that swelling truth.

As if he had heard me, he reached for my hand. I didn't need to look. His fingers were etched into my memory, slender and petal-veined, solid, and never wrong.

"Smiley," he said. He was always better with words than me.

How cruel it was that some things were only wished for, not possessed.

She turned off the water, wrapped her towel around her, and stepped out of the shower, only to find out nobody was in the pool. Better. She wasn't very fond of seeing those assholes again.

She made her way to the dressing room, humming a song under her breath. Untying the towel, she began to put on her underwear and bra, still singing and tapping her foot on the floor with the rhythm. She grabbed a plain white t-shirt from her bag and slipped it over her head. The damp ends of her hair were now wetting the t-shirt's collar. She reached out for her pants, backpack, and jacket when the sound of the closing door startled her.

"Who is there?" She asked, but no answer came from the other side. As her eyes looked for the person who had entered, her trembling fingers unconsciously grasped the locker's edge. She shivered, but it wasn't from the cold. A feeling of dread crept up from the pit of her stomach. She could hear the heavy thud of boots on the concrete floor, but the row of lockers prevented the person from being seen. She tried to convince herself nothing terrible would happen as she felt her heartbeat race.

The steps got closer and closer until she saw the person standing in front of her. The sudden shock made her tense her muscles. Her stomach churned over, and she felt sick for this brief moment.

She had already heard of the rich asshole and his assaults and intimidations, but she had never witnessed them closely. After all, she wasn't one of those chicks who turned heads or got sidewalks glace. It was a relief for her to keep herself to herself. But this moron, with his stupid hairstyle, didn't look like someone who would respect her decisions. Suddenly, she was hit by the fact that no one was around, and with this realization fear seemed to rise behind her eyes, but she pushed it back. At least for the time being. Her hands tried to cover her bare thighs with her jeans, though it seemed impossible. "You're not allowed to be here, Mahito!" Her voice was firm, and she thought she controlled the tremors well.

But the blue-haired boy, with a nauseating grin, didn't seem to mind her words at all. His eyes were fixed upon her limb, and he was getting closer, step by step. Slowly. "Don't be shy, little fish." His tongue dampened his lips. His attitude was strange; he seemed calm and not bothered.

Terror washed over her, raising the fine hairs on the back of her neck. She took two small steps backward, only her back to hit the cold metallic surface behind her. If her heart wouldn't stop raging against her ribcage, she feared it would give her away since it was so loud in her ears. Sweat poured down her body as she stayed still as possible. "Fuck off, idiot," she yelled with a trembling voice. She clenched her fists so hard that her nails cut into her skin. "Get out, now!" She pointed to the door with a frown.

Mahito approached with a snide smile on his lips, as his hand curled around Y/N's forefinger, only to bring it close to his mouth and lick it. The color quickly drained from her face. His touch filled her whole being with nausea. She tried to push him back and shout for help, but he was faster. His hand quickly covered her mouth before a sound could come out and pressed her body to the lockers. Her things fell to the floor, as his hand grabbed her wrist. "Don't be a mood killer; I know you want it!" He brought his face closer to hers. His deep breaths hit her cheek. Fear became a tangible and living force that crept over her like a hungry beast, immobilizing her; her brain, holding her captive. She could no longer control her hands; they trembled in an odd rhythm. She wanted to run, but he didn't allow her to move.

He pressed his body against Y/N's, and she could feel his hard arousal grinding against her groin. Her breath quickened. Her heart was throbbing in her ears, loud and irregular, but she could barely hear it, for her mind was clouded with fear. She fought to free herself, but his grip tightened. The bulge in his pants was growing, and her brain was getting more bewildered. Was she on the verge of a panic attack? No, no, she couldn't allow it. 'Not now. Not yet. Don't cry.' She had to do something before blacking out.

"I always wanted to taste you. You must be good. That's why Satoru still keeps you by his side, isn't it?"

She shook her head, her eyes wide open. If she could, she would have shouted that nothing was as it appeared from the outside, but no sound left her mouth. Her screams were stifled by his hand.

"What a loyal whore! Will he be offended if I play with his doll?" He laughed maniacally as his hand started touching her chest through her t-shirt. He shoved his leg between hers to close the gap between the two bodies. "He needs to learn sharing."

Appalled tears welled up in the corner of her eyes as they pleaded with him to set her free, but this disgusting creature had made his decision long ago. She had to do something. Anything.

There was bitterness in the back of her mouth. His finger was still deep in her throat. The next sound that was heard was Mahito's curses filling the air.

She had bitten his finger, and now she was about to run, to scream for help, but before she could find a chance to breathe, his open palm landed on her cheek, followed by a punch in the stomach.

Her head snapped back and dropped again. There was a warm wet feeling on her face, followed by a copper taste in her mouth. A splitting pain erupted through her head. She wanted to throw up as her arms moved to protect the punched area. She was sure that all the air had left her lungs, so she tried to suck it down like there was no tomorrow. As her vision faded, she caught a glimpse of the bastard standing before her. She collapsed to her knees. She couldn't scream anymore. She could only open her mouth to find that even the words had deserted her.

"You want it rough, bitch?" He grabbed her hair, and pulled her head up to kick her in the gut. Again. Never in her entire life had she ever experienced such intense agony, crushing every nerve in her body. An ache covered her veins as if she was in a surreal hell.

Her face stung, and her head felt like it would split in two. She was aware of what he was trying to do, but she wasn't about to give up. She wouldn't faint. She hoped that someone eventually would come to lock the room, that someone would help her.

Before she could even process anything, his hands were already on her neck, squeezing her throat. Small gasps escaped her mouth. "Now beg like a dog for me to fuck you, or are you enjoying the pain?" Her cold, shivering fingers clawed around his wrist, tapping on it, begging him to let her go.

"That's how I want you, like a good girl!" He loosened his grasp and stepped back to adore the mess he had made of her.

She held her stomach and neck, as she coughed and gasped for air. It was as though the pain had crushed her and claimed her body for its own. Not yet. Not yet. She tried to crawl on the floor to get away from him, only to earn a solid kick on her back. Her leaden lungs suppressed any attempts she made to inhale. A muffled cry came out of her mouth, and she tasted her own blood in her mouth.

Her face hit the floor, and the sight of her in pain with wailing eyes made Mahito smile. He loosened the belt of his pants, hovering over her. The beast holding her captive took control of her entire being. Every muscle in her body screamed at her to flee, but she remained frozen. Fear crippled her.

She knew what he was about to do. Her desperation turned into tears running down her cheeks. As though something had walked through her, she felt numb, dizzy. No hand was covering her mouth now, but efforts to say the words were replaced by a struggle to keep the air in her lungs.

Do you know that feeling where you just want to scream "help me" over and over again? Because you don't know what to do anymore and you feel trapped in this black void of mess you can't seem to get out of no matter how hard you try to run.

Please help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me… No god heard my voice until a fallen angel disobeyed Eden's rules and reached out to me.

Mahito's tapered fingers began to explore her sore body. He hunched over and licked her neck. "No… please…" She used her last energy to beg him. But he didn't care, and his hand slowly slipped into her panties. She felt like her heart had been ripped out. A state of misery that she couldn't see the end of the tunnel. A terrible weight fell on her shoulders as she stood still on the floor. It was as though a giant boulder landed on her, and she couldn't straighten out. She couldn't bear the agony any longer, her grief poured out in a flood of gut-wrenching sobs that tore through her chest. In those moments, her life flashed before her eyes—his smile.

But suddenly, a hand seized Mahito by the collar and threw him to the other side. His body hit the lockers with a loud thud. "YOU PRICK!"

She heard a familiar voice.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TOUCH HER?" A scream came, tearing its way out. And then another, and another. His blue eyes were burning with absolute rage. His nostrils flaring, he stood there, fist clenched on the sides. Anger curled hot and unstoppable in his gut, like a blazing inferno that wanted to burn him from the inside out. What would have happened if he hadn't come after Y/N? He could almost feel his blood boiling in his veins. No one was allowed to touch her. She was his sole family. She was the only one who never left him in all these years. He would break the hands of those who would harm her.

His eyes narrowed, and his teeth clenched together. She hadn't seen him angry. Not once. She was so used to his playfulness and childlike demeanor that this side of him scared her.

Mahito straightened himself a little and grinned as he tried to lean his back to the lockers. "Don't get upset. She can still be your sweet pussy cake. I just want a grab. We may even have it together. I'm sure this slut can take us both," he said, all the while trying to stand.

All of it happened so fast, before Mahito could even stand on his feet, Satoru grabbed him by the face and slammed him against the wall. "YOU FUCKED UP, SON OF A BITH! I'm going to kill you!" He had a sinister look, a vein bulging out of his head. Her eyes couldn't stay open any longer. She was so tired.

After what sounded like hours, she felt death kneeling by her side. She even sensed its hands under her head. She opened her eyes slowly, but instead of death, she met Satoru's wounded forehead and blood-stained shirt. Suddenly, there was an aura of grey around him. It was a fog that wouldn't rise or fade. He felt his throat closing up. His bottom lip quivered, and his shoulders dropped in resignation. A single tear rolled down his cheek, as he sat and watched her bruised body. A giant hole found a permanent home in his heart. His life would never be the same. He resembled a curse and the consequences that came with it.

"I'm sorry, Y/N." In his hoarse voice there was no trace of rage anymore. Instead, a sad expression, drowned in anguish, swept his face as the realization of the moment slowly crept in. He bent over and kissed her forehead. "I'm here, Smiley," he whispered as he wrapped his hoodies around her. He pulled her head towards his chest and didn't let go for a long time, stroking her hair with his bloody fingers. Her breath was taken away, not from the squeeze, but from the realization that his arms were finally around her. Somehow he took away her pain. She leaned in, closed her eyes, and after this endless nightmare, she finally felt safe enough to pass out.

What happened afterward? What the hell do you expect? You think they punished that motherfucker? Do you think they kicked him out of school? Huh, we live in a brutal world. We didn't have a family to fill the school principal's pockets with money. So, I was convicted of staying late in the pool, and Satoru was found guilty of assaulting his classmate and sending him to the hospital. We were both expelled and enrolled in another school after Gakuganji scolded us, humiliated us, and punished us.

I was at my lowest. Others took what I couldn't afford to give. Then my health started to go downhill. They broke me, crushed me, shattered me. They stole so much of me.

In those moments, all I felt was anger. I hated the people. I hated being alive. I didn't want to be near anyone. But he dug through my walls and reached me. He hugged me whenever I cried and held my hands tight, like we were tied.

This is something I think I'll never quite understand. How did he constantly love me and put me first? How did he manage to be so selfless, even though I backed him into a corner? How did he always keep me at the top of his priority list even though I probably drove him insane most of the time? How did he not just give up, and walk away when things got tough, again and again?

It seems like an exhausting job, to say the least. But somehow, some way or another, he kept fighting to stay. I realize now just how much of a handful I really was.

It was him that kept my soul alive in the furnace of grief. He burnt with me to carry me forward to the day I forgot more than I could remember. He saved me from myself, from becoming a monster, a person indifferent to suffering and sorrow.

Do you get it now? We would do anything for one another. I would give up whatever I had for him. There was nothing I wouldn't do to see that boy happy. Even though when he smiles, it's not for me. It's for her.

Tag list: @pyschopotatomeme @fi106 @deniseabad1928 @starlightanyaaa

If you want to be on the tag list, please inform me.

Sorry if I made you all sad with this chapter...

[zorlok-if]

Ro+ Tommy at karaoke. :)

Love it. Not too sure what this is asking for—if it's asking for anything lol—but here is what they'd sing and how the performance would go cause the thought was just so charming to me

Tommy: Life Is A Highway by Rascal Flatts, Tommy is very self-conscious and not the world's best singer, but if you get the kid to come out of his shell, he will fucking jam out (he just may need you to sing with him, you know... for moral support)

Dev: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, would fucking crush it, Dev is a great singer but, more importantly, xe's a natural performer, this is a fucking event, like a goddamn one-person musical

EJ: Umbrella by Rihanna, really good, EJ's an even better singer than they'll seem to be but they get really nervous and that causes their voice to shake (therefore tripping them up a bit), but the emotion and the talent are still there—if somewhat timid

Adam/Eve: Hotel California by Eagles, cannot sing well but nonetheless would have a lot of fun attempting to belt out this song (as long as they're not singing in front of strangers)

Lucía: Orpheus by Sara Bareilles, her singing voice could bring anyone listening to tears, I mean she's a lead vocalist and drummer in a band which plays weekly at The Cellar, she's fucking fantastic

Ciel: House of Wolves by My Chemical Romance, surprisingly good, very emotional, lots and lots of head banging

Danny: Creep by Radiohead, Danny sings by signing rhythmically (for examples of what this is like check out these amazing ASL covers of Creep, here and here, or this one in IS), Danny's very expressive and emotional, they love feeling music and dancing so they incorporate that into their interpretation

The Celestial: Nothing Else Matters by Metallica, listening to em sing is a truly divine experience, ey can make eir voice sound however ey likes and be eir own back-up singers and eir voice twinkles almost with its own soft, sparkling instrumentation

Rose: Livin' la Vida Loca by Ricky Martin, not a great singer but he loves nothing more than singing at the top of his lungs, you're in for a fucking show (and he will 100% change the pronouns in the lyrics)

[Secret RO]: Rock You Like A Hurricane by Scorpions, it doesn't matter what they say or sing, theirs is genuinely the most entrancing and enthralling voice you've ever heard—the very thing your darkest, cruelest, and most intoxicating dreams are made of; props will be used (ideally, you are the prop)

[sleeping-on-cracking-ice]

can you please write an imagine for nigari?? he have a love/hate relationship with a girl where they throw shades to each other but they always have the other's back during games, and one day a guy flirts with her at the beach and he gets mad

I’d love to. Thanks for requesting! 😉

A Bullet Between The Eyes | Suguru Niragi

{Alice In Borderland Masterlist}

Character(s): Niragi (ft. OC’s)

Summary: Niragi and you have a bickering relationship with each other. One night a guy tries to buy you a drink, not noticing the psychotic man standing nearby.

Warning: a lot of swearing, smoking, violence, threatening

Word Count: 2.6k

*reader is female

Niragi gif credit

Music was blaring through the speakers at the highest volume possible and made your ears almost bleed. You swore you could feel the bass in your bones, shaking them against each other to the beat. You had become immune to the deafening dubstep music and the annoying yells of everyone in the large crowd. People were pushed up close and personal to one another, grinding against each other like a pack of horny animals. It made you sick.

You leant against the neon-lighted bar that was fixated about twenty metres from the dance floor. You watched as people pushed each other into the pool nearby as you took a large puff from your cigarette. You had never smoked before being thrown into this horrific world, but the stress and worry brought you to consider the damaging habit.

“Bunch of idiots,” you muttered angrily under your breath. “How the fuck are they having fun? Do they not realize their brutal fates are waiting to creep up on them?”

Your close friend Sara sat in the stool beside you. She glanced at you and then in the direction you were staring. “I mean, I guess that’s why they’re having fun. They only have such a short life ahead of them,” she responded, turning back to the bar and taking a swig of her drink.

“I mean to be honest Y/N, I’m surprised you’re not letting loose of your cold attitude and having fun,” Sara stated over her shoulder to you.

You broke your gaze from everyone else and looked at her from the side. “Why is that?” you asked, curious as to what she meant.

She looked at you and smirked. “Don’t play dumb. I’ve seen you,” she chuckled.

“Huh?”

“You and that militant. You’ve been getting awfully close to the psychopath. When did it all start?” she sneered.

You pulled a confused expression before realizing what she was referring to. “Oh you mean Niragi,” you said, “We just help each other out at games, it increases our chance of surviving.” You brushed off her accusation and took another puff of your cigarette.

“Sorry if I’m being nosy, but it’s just strange,” Sara assured. “In the months I’ve been here, I’ve never seen Niragi warm up to someone. He’s always remained the same unempathetic, abusive bastard that I’ve always known.”

You stared at her side profile, not being too sure what to say.

You wouldn’t say that you had a good relationship with Niragi, considering the fact that he really did know how to push your buttons. If anything he was your enemy. But for some reason when you two were placed into the same groups to complete a game, you work together and against the others.

It was like he completely changed his persona from a cold-hearted prick to an overly protective (still a prick) figure. It gave you whiplash at times.

You let out a small chuckle and smirked at Sara. “And how would working with Niragi make me want to go and dance more Sara?” you questioned, going back to the topic you started at.

Sara turned herself around fully and stared you down right in the eyes. “All I’m saying is, if you’re looking for a quick way to die, keep sticking around Niragi. You know how he is Y/N, and when he gets the chance, he’ll put a bullet between your eyes with that rifle of his.”

She stood up off her stool and strutted towards the pool with her drink in her hand, probably to have some fun herself, considering the games were beginning in the next couple of hours. No one knew which night would be their last.

Your eyes followed her figure as she walked away. “Huh, maybe she’s just jealous,” you muttered.

You turned around and leaned over the bar, asking the bartender to make you a drink. The blonde girl nodded and got to mixing it for you. You sat in the seat that Sara previously was and let out a big sigh. You honestly were getting tired of the constant parties every single night, it was starting to get old.

No matter how hard you tried to ignore it, your mind kept bringing you back to what Sara was saying about Niragi and you. Was it really getting that obvious? Were other people noticing?

The bartender slid the drink towards you and you thanked her. You lifted the cold drink to your lips and tipped your head back, taking a big amount into your body. You wanted to be at least slightly intoxicated when the games start. It always helped ease your anxiety.

As your head began to feel heavier and your limbs became a bit numb, you noticed that the usual warm chatter that surrounded the neon bar had dissolved, almost to silence. You were confused, whipping your head around to see the cause.

You felt your face drop into a scowl as you noticed the familiar face that you hated so much. Niragi’s black and white button up turned turquoise from the lighting, and his eyes which were a deep dark black as he peered around the bar looking for something. You locked eyes with the all too familiar rifle that hung on his shoulders effortlessly, obviously just there for show. 

You pointed that out to him one time which ended with your back against a hallway wall and the barrel of the rifle pressed harshly against your temple with Niragi’s disgusting spit in your eye. “You still think it’s for show?” he hissed.

He tried so desperately to get you to be scared of him at The Beach. Why in the hell did that brutal and bully personality of his fade at the games?

You swiveled back around in your seat, facing your back towards the frightening man.

‘Why can’t he just fuck off,’ you thought to yourself. ‘Why do I have to run into him everyday.’ It was becoming a bit suspicious, the amount of times you would catch Niragi around the corner of a room you’re in. He would always play it off as by chance but you’ve begun to think otherwise.

A hand slowly placed itself on your bare lower back and someone leaned in close to your ear. “Hey there sweetheart, I’ve been looking for you all night. A little birdie told me you would be here,” you heard Niragi purr into your ear.

You cringed at his sickening sweet tone and turned away from him. You could smell the slight tang of metallic blood on him. He’d probably ‘took care’ of someone some time earlier.

“What the fuck do you want Niragi,” you growled, not looking him in the eye. Niragi chuckled at your tone.

“That’s not a very nice hello. I thought you would’ve warmed up to me by now. You seem to put an awful lot of trust in me at games.”

He tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and pinched your earlobe gently between his thumb and index finger. You rolled your eyes into the back of your head in annoyance and slapped his hand away from your face.

“Piss off. If you’ve come here just to get on my nerves then you can beat it.” you spat at him harshly. He seemed taken back by your bold movements.

“Are you sure you want to speak to me that way? I might just leave you to die if you’re rude enough to me.” he snickered, keeping that smug smirk on his face that made you want to bash him over the head.

“So be it then, at least when I’m dead I won’t have to deal with your annoying ass.” You stuffed the rest of your cigarette into a tray on the table and stood up out of your seat to face the tall man head on.

He towered over you, that annoying and insolent smile never leaving his tanned face. Just his face alone created a rage in you that was indescribable.

“I don’t need some psychotic man with a machine gun to protect me Niragi. I am fine on my own. If anything, I could beat your cocky ass with my bare hands alone.”

“Well you seem awfully confident. Keep that same attitude when I have you cornered during a game, you might have to prove yourself right in order to survive.”

“Is that a threat?”

“It’s however you want to take it sweetie. A threat or a head-start.”

You frowned up at the man, not knowing how to respond. You walked back to the seat and grabbed your jacket that hung off it. “Have fun by yourself you prick. Why don’t you choose a fucking personality and stop switching between the two. You give me bloody whiplash.” You spat down at his feet, narrowly missing his shoe and marched away from him towards the pool to look for Sara.

You didn’t want to put up with his bullshit that night. You weren’t in the mood to start a verbal war with him, especially in front of everyone.

You found Sara sitting on the edge of the pool. There weren’t a lot of people around her, as everyone was either at the bar or on the dance floor.

You placed your hand gently on her shoulder and sat down next to her with your feet in the heated pool. It was a kind of awkward silence for a few moments before Sara spoke up.

“Sorry about before, I shouldn’t have assumed anything,” she started, looking into your eyes. “I understand that it must be hard for you, being the object of a psychotic man’s desires.” She said empathetically.

You appreciated her concern, as there were times where you were honestly scared for your life around Niragi. He really wasn’t the best person to be around, but you had already known that before you got closer with him. You never thought he would become as annoying and insistent as he had.

“I’m just worried about you. He’s a manipulative and untrustworthy person and I would hate to come back from a game one day to see your body with a bullet through your head.”

You stared into the water thinking about Sara’s words. “I know, I would hate that as well. I don’t trust him like that Sara. I would never put my own life in his hands, because I know he would hurt me with no remorse whatsoever.”

You both sat in silence for a bit with Sara leaning her head onto your shoulder. You wanted to spend this nice time together before leaving, just in case anything was to happen.

“I better go,” she announced after a while. She stood up and placed her hand on the top of your head. “Good luck Y/N. Make sure you don’t die out there. If anyone can survive, it’s you.”

You smiled at her words and looked up at her. “You too Sara. Love you.”

She said it back and then trudged off into the direction of the entrance to the hotel.

You wanted to be alone with your thoughts for a bit, but that didn’t last long when a tipsy young man with brown hair decided to plop himself right next to you, a little too close to just be friendly.

“Hey love! You’re looking awfully gorgeous tonight,” he beamed, placing an arm around your shoulder. You were taken back by his boldness, not knowing how to react.

“Oh, thanks I guess? I mean I’m dressed the same as I always am,” you said trying to keep the conversation light.

“Hmm really? Well I guess you’re just always gorgeous then,” he giggled and leaned closer to you.

You started to panic a little bit. This boy was a bit too flirty for his own good.

“Hey! Do you want to maybe come get a drink with me at the bar?” he asked in a cheery tone. You looked at him in shock and shook your head quickly. “No it’s fine really! I just had one so I don’t feel like another.” you insisted, laughing awkwardly.

“No really it’s fine! Actually you know what, I’ll grab it for you. You just wait here and I’ll be back soon,” he said with a big smile on his face. It seemed very contradicting to his pushy behaviour.

You started to get annoyed. “Please, it’s fine. I was just about to leave anyway,” you lied.

The young man still pushed. You found it quite pathetic really. Was he really that desperate?

Before you could even say anything else, you suddenly saw the man fly sideways and land in the pool. Your mouth fell open in shock and you watched as he came back to the surface gasping for air. “What the fuck? Who was that?!” he yelled out frustratingly. Everyone around the pool had gone silent to see what the commotion was.

You looked back to the side of the pool to see none other than Niragi himself who had a proud smile on his face. “It was me you little bitch.” The young man’s eyes widened in fear.

“Are you sure you want to go flirting around with a militant’s woman? You might just be looking to get your head blown off!” Niragi cackled psychotically. “Go find your own toy to play with.”

Niragi aimed his rifle towards the man and everyone surrounding the pool panicked and ducked down. The man screamed in fear and started yelling to do anything that might spare his life.

“My deepest apologies Niragi! I didn’t know she was with you! I promise I’ll stay away from her from now on!”

You felt somewhat belittled. How dare he apologize to Niragi but not you. You were the one that got harassed.

Niragi let out a giggle and pulled the trigger of his rifle. The deafening sound rang in your ears and you watched as the bullet narrowly missed the young man’s head by an inch, creating a splash in the water next to him.

Niragi kneeled down with an evil smile on his face and harshly gripped the boy by his hair to lift him closer to his face. “If you ever touch her again, I won’t hesitate to put multiple bullets between those annoying ass eyes of yours. You understand?” He growled.

“Yes! I understand sir! I promise!” the boy cried desperately.

Niragi let go of his hair and watched as he swam to the left of him to scramble out of the pool and sprint away from him towards the dance floor. Probably to hide among other people so if Niragi changed his mind about sparing him he would be harder to find.

You breathed heavily in shock, not believing what you just witnessed.

“What the fuck was that?!” you yelled at Niragi. He looked down at you with an emotionless expression.

“Huh?”

“That was so over dramatic! Niragi I don’t know if you know this, but we’re not together! We’re not even friends! You can’t go around threatening anyone who lays eyes on me!”

Niragi rolled his eyes and kneeled down to get closer to your face. “Look, that idiotic boy was just trying to get into your pants. He didn’t want anything else from you. I just did you a favor, you should be thanking me!” he exclaimed.

You furrowed your eyebrows in annoyance. “I was very aware of that fact Niragi, but I had it under control!”

“Did you really Y/N? Because from the way you were shaking it didn’t seem like you did.”

You stared into his deep, evil eyes. For once, you actually felt small underneath his gaze.

“Whatever, I’m going back to my room.” You stood up from your position and scurried away from the scene. As much as you hated to admit it, you were partly grateful to Niragi from saving you from that situation. You would never admit it to him though. You just wish he didn’t do it with so much aggression.

“Would you like me to walk you back-”

“Niragi! Fuck off!”

Author’s Note: Sorry this one took a while anon. I really hope it’s what you wanted!

[scuttle-buttle]

WC: 1141

Rated: T

Tags: drunk Laszlo, fluffy, Laszlo is a flirt when he wants to be, discussions of sexual things/theory but no smut, mentions of prostitution, Freud

🍷

A loud thump from the foyer jolted you awake, the book you had been reading nearly fell from your lap during the scare. You rub the sleep from your tired eyes. Laszlo was out for John's bachelor party and you had tried to wait up for his return; clearly you failed to stay awake.

Glancing at the clock on the mantel you see it is almost 2 in the morning. The fireplace was mere embers by now. The only light was a small electric lamp that Laszlo had invested in for you to use while reading. Well no wonder I drifted off… you think.

A series of thumps, bumps, and then a soft grunt made you look over the back of your chair. "Laz? Is that you?" you called into the dimness.

Laszlo peaked his head around the corner at your question, looking completely fine despite the noises he was making. "Ah, my dear you are awake!"

"I'm afraid I fell asleep waiting for you. How was John and the others? Is he getting cold feet?" you joke.

"Cold feet is an indication of poor blood circulation, a condition of which I am sure John does not suffer. His frequent visits to brothels in the past suggests his circulation is adequate."

You aren't sure how to respond to his statement about John and his previous… proclivities. Nevertheless, he continues.

"I do wonder if there is something else troubling him, though. He and Sara have had…" he trails off as if to think of the word he needs. Laszlo blinks. You wait for him to finish his thought. Instead, he offers "well something odd anyway," with a flick of his wrist.

Laszlo still stands in the doorway, his good hand gripping the frame. He hasn't moved since you caught him. "Why don't you join me in the parlor rather than stand by the front door?"

"Ah. You see I would, however I am at a disadvantage I must confess." He hiccups and tries to cover it with a small cough.

You observe him curiously, his behavior strange. "Which would be?"

"I'm afraid I am stuck."

It is then you can make out the slight dishevelment of his hair, a strand having fallen out of place. The slight crumple to his white buttoned shirt. The way his accent has become heavier than is usual, his words are a little slurred. The way his cheeks are tinged pink under that neatly trimmed beard. And of course, the way his coat tail seems to be attached to some unseen object behind the corner.

Your jaw drops at the incredulity of your deduction. "Laszlo, are you drunk?" While he did partake in drink, it was never to this outcome nor extent.

He opens his mouth to respond yet all that leaves his lips is a sort of breathy mumble. Your peal of laughter lights up the room, a hand covers your lips to muffle the sound. "Oh love, what has gotten into you tonight?"

"Several glasses of champagne and some lingonberry schnapps," he answers very matter of fact.

Shaking your head at his antics you make your way over to assist in freeing his jacket. After a minute of finagling you are able to unhook it from the chip in the front table's edge. "If that is the case then I think it's off to bed with you, I don't doubt you will feel ill in the morning after this adventure."

You wrap your arm around his waist to help guide him up the stairs, not trusting him to climb it in this state. His left hand grasps the railing. The weaker arm hugs lightly around your back. Laszlo nearly trips over his own foot as he takes a step.

You tighten your hold on your lover. "My, Laz, how on earth did you make it home if you can barely walk?"

"The body… and the mind, are both affected by drink." His head tilts towards you as you slowly climb. "I am to find myself with the advantage of a more capable mind than most. My body, however, is... another matter." How he manages to hold a coherent conversation in this state is beyond you.

Just as you feared he would become self conscious over his arm he spoke again. "But yours my dear is exquisite. You dress in the the most flattering garments that leave me with thoughts of you and I often see that I am distracted." His weaker hand twitches along the side of your evening robe, just along the outside of your hip.

Laszlo's statement catches you off guard as you begin to walk the long hall to your shared bedchamber. You huff, heat filing your cheeks. Leave it to Laszlo to flirt with you while intoxicated.

"There is no need to be agitated. It is natural for a man to desire the touch of his lover. Freud himself argues that we all have an innate need to fulfill sexual gratification. I am glad to share that physically with you, I am quite satisfied by our performance."

"Lazlo!" you whisper loudly, echoing through the empty hall. He just stops and looks over at you with an expression that touts 'what did I say that was wrong?' You would admit that in the throes of passion with him you lost all sense of good social morals, but outside of that you found it more difficult to do so. "You cannot go around speaking about such things outside the bedroom," you try to explain, "it's improper…"

"Since when have you considered propriety? It is just sex my dear. According to Psychopathia Sexualis there are many that prefer to complete the act outside of the bedchamber. Perhaps that is something we should explore." He begins to shuffle his feet towards the bedroom once more. "And I do not recall you complaining ever about propriety while I am under you," Laszlo finishes with a smug grin.

Your eyes roll so hard they should've bounced out of their sockets. Even so, you can't help the little smile that graces your features at his attempts to be coy. You stand corrected - leave it to Laszlo to not only flirt with you while intoxicated, but to do it in the most academic manner possible. "The only under you'll be doing soon is being under the weather if we don't get you to bed to sleep this off."

"I would agree with you."

You helped him dress for bed, your usual nightly ritual, and pulled the covers up to his chin before joining him on the other side. He is snoring before you even have a chance to settle. Chuckling, you think to yourself that this will be a long night. But it is no worry to you, as you plan to tease him about it in the morning.

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