#sapphic morrigan | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hrizantemy · 27 days ago

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The fire crackled warmly in the hearth of the River House as Feyre paced the sitting room, her mind a whirlwind of emotions. The Inner Circle sat scattered across the plush sofas and chairs, their expressions ranging from curious to downright skeptical as she relayed the news. Feyre’s hands twisted together, a nervous habit she hadn’t indulged in for years, but Nesta had that effect on her.

“She accepted?” Amren finally broke the silence, her silver eyes narrowing as she leaned back in her seat, swirling a glass of blood-red wine. “Nesta Archeron, the Queen of Isolation herself, is coming to Solstice?��

Feyre nodded, her lips twitching into a tentative smile. “Not only is she coming, but she asked if she could bring someone.” She hesitated before adding, “I told her yes, of course. I didn’t want to make her feel… unwelcome.”

Rhysand, sprawled lazily in an armchair with an air of casual authority, arched a dark brow. “And you didn’t think to ask who this someone might be?”

Feyre shot him a look. “I was too stunned she said yes at all. I wasn’t about to interrogate her, Rhys.”

Cassian, who had been unusually quiet, sat forward on the couch, resting his elbows on his knees. His hazel eyes glimmered with a mix of hope and trepidation. “She’s bringing someone? Like… a friend? Or…” He trailed off, his jaw tightening.

“Maybe she’s found someone she actually likes,” Mor interjected with a sharp smile, though her tone carried an edge of disbelief. “That would be a Solstice miracle.”

Azriel remained silent, his shadowed gaze flicking between Feyre and Cassian, but his jaw clenched slightly, as if bracing for something unpleasant.

“It doesn’t matter who she’s bringing,” Feyre said, her voice firmer now. “What matters is that she’s coming. She’s choosing to be here. After everything…” Her throat tightened briefly, but she pushed on. “This is a step forward. For all of us.”

Amren snorted softly, setting her glass down with a delicate clink. “Or it’s just Nesta being unpredictable as always. Who knows what her angle is?”

“She doesn’t need an angle,” Feyre snapped, surprising herself with the force of her own words. “She’s my sister. I invited her because I want her here, not because I expect anything from her.”

Rhysand reached out, brushing a calming hand along her arm, his violet eyes softening. “No one is saying otherwise, Feyre. But you can’t deny it’s… unexpected.”

“It’s more than unexpected,” Mor muttered, crossing her legs and leaning back against the cushions. “It’s suspicious.”

Cassian’s gaze darkened, and he turned to Mor, his voice low. “She doesn’t owe us anything, Mor. Least of all your approval.”

An awkward silence fell over the room, and Feyre took a deep breath, centering herself. “Whatever her reasons, she’s coming. And we’re going to welcome her, like family should.” She glanced at each of them, daring them to challenge her. “That includes whoever she chooses to bring.”

The conversation drifted into quieter speculation after that, but Feyre remained by the fire, staring into the flickering flames, trying to suppress the nervous flutter in her chest. Nesta was coming. For the first time in years, her sister was coming back into their orbit—not for an argument, not out of obligation, but because she’d chosen to.

She clung to that sliver of hope like a lifeline, unwilling to let it slip away.

The silence that filled the room after Feyre’s announcement felt heavy, as if each member of the Inner Circle was lost in their own tangled web of thoughts about Nesta. It had been nearly a year since the last Solstice, when everything had come to a head, and the aftermath had left deep, jagged rifts between them all.

Nesta had stormed out that night—her words sharp, her tone colder than the snow that blanketed Velaris. In the weeks that followed, she’d stopped opening the tabs she’d once so freely placed on Rhysand’s account, a quiet but unmistakable declaration of her independence. The refusal had stung Feyre, though she couldn’t quite put into words why. Perhaps it was the finality of it, the way it marked a line between them that Nesta had no interest in crossing again.

“She’s changed,” Feyre said softly, breaking the silence. “You all know it.”

“She stopped drinking herself into oblivion, sure,” Cassian muttered, his voice low, his hazel eyes shadowed. “But it’s not like she kept us in the loop about anything else. She just… left.”

“She distanced herself,” Mor corrected, her voice clipped. “Not that it was a huge loss. She’s barely spoken to any of us since.”

Feyre flinched at the bitterness in Mor’s tone but didn’t argue. Mor wasn’t wrong. After Nesta had left the Inner Circle’s orbit, she hadn’t looked back. Letters had been the only form of communication—and even those had been sparse and stilted, only coming when someone else initiated the conversation. Feyre had written her often, clinging to the hope that Nesta would eventually reply with more than perfunctory sentences. Occasionally, she did. But it wasn’t the same.

“She moved out of that awful apartment,” Feyre said, a tinge of relief in her voice. “She found a job, started to rebuild… on her terms.”

“Good for her,” Amren said dryly, though her gaze flicked toward Cassian, as if gauging his reaction. “But the cost was cutting all of us off. You’d think one of her priorities might have been mending those bridges.”

“It’s not that simple,” Feyre said, her voice sharper now. “You all know how things were before. Nesta didn’t feel welcome. She didn’t feel… wanted.”

“Because she didn’t let anyone in,” Mor snapped. “She shut us out long before we gave up trying.”

“That doesn’t mean we were right to stop,” Feyre shot back.

Cassian stood abruptly, running a hand through his hair. “Enough.” His voice was gruff, strained. “Nesta did what she had to do. Maybe it wasn’t pretty, and maybe it wasn’t what any of us wanted, but she’s alive. She’s trying. And that’s more than most of us can say for her a year ago.”

Feyre’s heart ached at the truth of those words. She remembered the haunted, hollow look in Nesta’s eyes during her lowest moments, the nights Feyre had spent wondering if her sister would simply vanish into the void of her own despair.

Now, though, there was something different. In the rare moments Feyre had seen her, Nesta seemed more at ease, steadier. She no longer carried the same brittle anger like a shield. Still, the distance between them had grown into a chasm, and Feyre didn’t know how to bridge it.

“She’s coming to Solstice,” Feyre said again, more firmly this time. “She’s taking a step toward us. We owe it to her—and to ourselves—to meet her halfway.”

The room fell silent again, but this time it felt less oppressive, as if the weight of Nesta’s absence was finally beginning to lift. Even if it was just a sliver of light breaking through the cracks, Feyre clung to it.

The silence that followed Feyre’s words was as heavy as it was unyielding. No one argued, no one even shifted in their seats. It was the kind of silence that pressed down on Feyre’s chest, filling the room with the unspoken weight of everything left unresolved between Nesta and the Inner Circle.

Elain, ever the peacekeeper, appeared at just the right moment, her soft steps barely making a sound as she entered the sitting room. She carried a tray of cookies, their golden edges gleaming, the faint scent of cinnamon and cloves trailing after her. Her warm, practiced smile faltered as she glanced around the room and noticed the tension.

“Elain,” Feyre started, but before she could say more, there was a sharp, deliberate knock at the door.

The sound cut through the quiet like a blade, startling everyone. Elain froze mid-step, her eyes flicking to Feyre, the tray trembling ever so slightly in her hands.

No one moved at first. They all seemed rooted in place, as if reluctant to acknowledge what the knock meant. Feyre felt her pulse quicken. Nesta had arrived—and early, no less.

“I’ll get it,” Feyre said, her voice firmer than she felt as she stood, smoothing her hands down her sweater.

No one stopped her, though she could feel their eyes on her as she crossed the room. Rhysand leaned back in his chair, his face unreadable, while Cassian stared at the floor, his jaw tight. Azriel’s shadows curled faintly at his shoulders, and Mor crossed her arms, her expression blank but tense. Even Amren tilted her head slightly, as if listening for some hidden truth in the knock.

Feyre opened the door, her breath catching when she saw Nesta standing there. She looked different—not in the obvious ways, but in the subtleties: her posture straighter, her face calm, but without the guarded steel that had once made her seem untouchable.

“Nesta,” Feyre said softly, relief blooming in her chest. Her eyes flicked to the person standing just behind her sister, bundled in a heavy coat with a hood shadowing their face. “And you must be…?”

Nesta stepped inside without answering immediately, her gaze sweeping across the room before settling on Feyre. “Thank you for inviting me.” Her voice was steady, though her fingers tightened around the strap of the bag slung over her shoulder. She turned slightly, gesturing to the figure at her side. “This is Taryn.”

The hooded figure stepped forward and lowered their hood, revealing a sharp-featured, dark-haired woman with piercing eyes. She inclined her head in a polite nod, though her expression was unreadable.

Feyre managed a smile, even as the weight of the room shifted behind her. “Welcome,” she said, stepping aside to let them in.

The room’s tension grew as Nesta and Taryn entered, the warmth of the fire seemingly unable to dispel the chill that followed them. Feyre glanced back at the others, her resolve firm. This was going to work. It had to.

Feyre stepped aside, watching as Nesta and the woman—Taryn—stepped into the house. The warmth of the firelight illuminated them both, and it was then Feyre noticed the bags slung over their shoulders. Nesta’s was a small, simple satchel, while Taryn carried a larger bag that looked heavier.

Her gaze flicked to the bags, curiosity stirring. “Are those…” Feyre hesitated, not sure how to phrase it without sounding too eager. “Are those presents?”

Nesta’s stormy blue eyes met hers, unreadable for a moment. Then, with a small, almost imperceptible nod, she answered, “Yes.”

Feyre’s breath hitched in surprise. Nesta—Nesta, who had barely even attended Solstice last year and had left before the sun had fully set—had brought gifts. Feyre swallowed the lump rising in her throat and tried to smile, though her chest felt tight with emotion.

“Let me take your coats,” she said, her voice soft.

Nesta and Taryn obliged, shrugging out of their heavy winter cloaks and handing them to Feyre. For a moment, Feyre’s hand brushed against Nesta’s, and it struck her how steady her sister felt—no tremble, no hesitation. A quiet strength radiated from her, and Feyre’s heart ached with both pride and longing for the bond they’d once shared.

As Nesta handed her bag to Taryn to carry into the sitting room, Feyre couldn’t stop herself from asking, “Did you pick them out yourself?”

Nesta’s lips twitched, a faint flicker of amusement crossing her face. “Of course I did.”

The answer was so matter-of-fact, so… Nesta, that Feyre couldn’t help the quiet laugh that escaped her. “Well,” she said, stepping back to allow them further inside, “I’m sure everyone will be thrilled.”

From behind her, the room had gone silent again, the Inner Circle still frozen in a mix of shock and discomfort. But Feyre pushed aside the tension and turned to lead the way. For now, she would focus on this small miracle: Nesta was here, and she had brought gifts. Perhaps that meant there was hope after all.

As Feyre turned to lead Nesta and Taryn further into the room, it was Elain who finally broke the silence. Her soft, melodic voice cut through the awkward tension with surprising ease.

“It’s wonderful you came, Nesta,” Elain said, setting down the tray of cookies on the low table in the center of the sitting room. Her warm, genuine smile brightened the room in a way that only Elain could.

Nesta’s gaze flicked to her younger sister, and though her expression didn’t change, Feyre noticed the faintest softening in her sharp features.

Elain’s eyes moved to Taryn, taking in the woman with polite curiosity. “And you even brought a friend,” she added, her tone light and welcoming.

Taryn, standing quietly beside Nesta, inclined her head. “Taryn,” she introduced herself simply, her voice cool but not unfriendly.

Elain’s smile widened, and she gestured toward the chairs by the fire. “It’s lovely to meet you, Taryn. Please, both of you, make yourselves comfortable. I’ll get more tea.”

Nesta gave Elain a small, almost reluctant nod of thanks before stepping further into the room. Taryn followed closely, her movements deliberate and composed, as though she were ready to leave at any moment if the atmosphere soured.

Feyre’s chest tightened as she glanced between them, grateful for Elain’s efforts to ease the tension but painfully aware of how stiff and silent the rest of the Inner Circle remained. It was a fragile moment, one that could shatter with a single wrong word, but Feyre clung to the hope that Elain’s warmth might be enough to hold it together.

Elain paused in the doorway before disappearing to fetch tea, her gentle voice trailing behind her. “It really is wonderful to have you here, Nesta. Both of you.”

For a fleeting second, Feyre thought she saw something flicker in Nesta’s eyes—gratitude, perhaps, or maybe just relief. It was hard to tell, but Feyre held onto that moment like a lifeline. Small steps, she reminded herself. Small steps forward.

Feyre led Nesta and Taryn into the sitting room, the warmth of the fire contrasting sharply with the tension that hung in the air. The silence from the others was deafening, broken only by the crackling of the hearth. Still, Feyre kept her posture steady, determined to ease them into this fragile reunion.

“Here,” Feyre said gently, gesturing to the open space near the large, decorated table where the others had already placed their gifts. Nesta and Taryn followed her lead, setting their bags down with quiet precision.

As they straightened, Feyre’s gaze flicked to Nesta. She looked… different. Better. Healthier. The sharpness in her face had softened, replaced by a glow that hadn’t been there the last time Feyre had seen her. Her cheeks were fuller, her skin had a healthy flush, and her silver-blue eyes were clear, unclouded by the weight she used to carry. Even the way she stood—back straight, shoulders square—spoke of someone who had found stability.

Feyre felt a pang of emotion, a mixture of pride and longing, as she realized how much more beautiful Nesta looked like this. Not just in her appearance, but in the way she carried herself: calm, composed, and whole.

Her gaze shifted to Taryn, and Feyre took a moment to really look at the woman. Taryn was striking, her sharp features framed by dark hair that shimmered in the firelight. Her deep green eyes, cool and assessing, seemed to take in everything around her at once. She exuded a quiet confidence, one that balanced Nesta’s steadiness in an unexpected but complementary way. Feyre couldn’t help but think the two of them made an impressive pair, both polished and self-assured in ways that only added to their beauty.

Nesta and Taryn chose seats at the edge of the circle, slightly removed from the Inner Circle but still within reach. Feyre noticed the way Nesta’s hand lingered on the arm of her chair for a fraction of a second before she sat down, her gaze flicking toward Cassian and then away just as quickly.

Feyre settled herself in a nearby seat, her heart beating faster as she tried to catch Rhysand’s eye, silently willing him to say something to break the quiet. But her mate remained impassive, his violet eyes watchful as he leaned back in his chair.

Nesta folded her hands in her lap, her expression unreadable but calm. Taryn mirrored her, her gaze sweeping across the room, lingering briefly on each face before settling on the fire. Feyre couldn’t help but feel a twinge of nervousness as she realized how starkly Taryn’s composed demeanor contrasted with the awkwardness in the room.

Still, Feyre clung to the image of her sister as she was now—healthy, whole, and undeniably beautiful. Maybe, just maybe, this Solstice would be different.

Feyre perched on the edge of her chair, her fingers curling around the warm mug of tea Elain had handed her moments before. The silence stretched, oppressive and stifling, as everyone seemed content to avoid being the first to speak. Nesta sat still, her back straight and her gaze unwavering as she looked toward the fire, while Taryn leaned back in her chair with an air of quiet observation, her eyes flicking between each member of the Inner Circle.

Clearing her throat softly, Feyre decided to try. Someone had to break the silence. “So,” she began, forcing a smile that felt a little too tight. “How have you been, Nesta?”

Nesta’s gaze flicked to her, cool and composed. “I’ve been well,” she replied evenly, her voice calm but offering no further detail.

“Good, good,” Feyre said, trying to keep her tone light. “You look—healthy. Happy.”

Nesta’s lips twitched, but it wasn’t quite a smile. “Thank you.”

The tension thickened as Feyre searched for something else to say. She glanced at Taryn, hoping to bring her into the conversation. “And you, Taryn? How did you two meet?”

Taryn raised an eyebrow, a faint smile playing on her lips. “We crossed paths in Velaris,” she said simply. Her tone was polite but distant, as if she were carefully choosing her words.

“Oh, that’s nice,” Feyre said quickly, nodding. “Are you from Velaris originally?”

“No,” Taryn replied, and though her voice remained pleasant, there was a finality to it that made it clear she didn’t intend to elaborate.

Feyre felt the weight of everyone’s eyes on her, their silence only amplifying her own discomfort. She glanced toward Elain, who was now quietly rearranging the tray of cookies on the table, clearly avoiding getting involved. Mor crossed her legs, the sound of her heel tapping faintly against the floor the only indication of her impatience.

Cassian’s chair creaked as he shifted, his jaw tight, though he still hadn’t said a word. Azriel’s shadows swirled lazily at his shoulders, his unreadable gaze fixed on the fire. Even Rhysand, who could usually ease any room with a well-placed quip, sat quietly, his violet eyes unreadable.

“Well,” Feyre said, forcing another smile and gesturing vaguely toward the tray of cookies. “Elain baked those herself. They’re—ah, delicious.”

Nesta glanced at the cookies but made no move to take one. “I’m sure they are,” she said evenly, though her tone didn’t quite reach warmth.

Feyre felt the flush rise to her cheeks, the silence stretching again as her attempt at conversation fizzled out. She glanced at Rhys, silently pleading for him to step in, but he merely raised a brow, clearly leaving it to her to navigate this minefield.

She swallowed hard, forcing herself to stay calm. Small steps, she reminded herself. Even if those steps felt more like stumbling in the dark.

Amren, ever the one to speak her mind, eyed Nesta with her usual calculating gaze. The tension in the room thickened as she leaned forward slightly, her sharp voice cutting through the quiet. “Well, well, Nesta,” she said, her tone laced with that usual dryness. “You look… well, you don’t look like you’ve spent your nights in taverns anymore. How interesting.”

Feyre’s heart sank, the words landing like a slap. She braced herself for the usual reaction, but to her surprise, Nesta didn’t flinch. She didn’t even respond. Her face remained calm, her gaze steady, but there was a quiet strength in her silence.

It was Azriel who broke the tension, a soft snort escaping him as he leaned back in his chair, his shadows swirling lazily around him. Feyre blinked in surprise as his lips curled upward in a rare, almost amused expression. It wasn’t often that Azriel openly showed his thoughts on something, but there it was—his appreciation for Nesta’s quiet defiance.

Nesta, for her part, seemed unfazed. She simply continued to sit there, her posture regal and her gaze fixed ahead, as if Amren’s words hadn’t even touched her. Feyre couldn’t help but feel a flicker of pride in her chest at her sister’s unshakable composure.

It was then that Nesta’s eyes flicked to Taryn, and for a fleeting moment, Feyre caught a glimpse of something soft in her sister’s expression. There was an unmistakable look of pride on Nesta’s face as she glanced at the woman beside her—an unspoken recognition that, whatever her past had been, she had something now. Something real.

Taryn’s lips curled slightly at the corner, and though she didn’t speak, the look she exchanged with Nesta said everything. There was a quiet understanding between them, something unspoken, but palpable in the air around them. Feyre watched, still processing Amren’s comment and Azriel’s rare amusement, as Nesta and Taryn settled into the room with a grace that surprised even her.

Amren, sensing that the moment had passed without provoking the reaction she’d hoped for, sat back in her chair, her eyes narrowing slightly. She seemed to begrudgingly accept the shift in the dynamic, her attention drifting away from Nesta to the others, though her earlier comment still hung in the air.

But for the first time in a long while, Feyre didn’t feel the need to fill the silence. Instead, she watched her sister—strong, unbowed, and silently proud—and felt a deep sense of admiration for the woman Nesta had become.

The silence stretched for another few moments before Elain, ever the one to soften the tension, gave a small, polite cough. “Well,” she said, her voice light and a little too bright, “dinner is just about ready.”

Everyone seemed to take that as a cue, rising to their feet as though the movement could dissolve the discomfort that still lingered in the room. Feyre felt a quiet sigh of relief as the group slowly shuffled toward the table, the tension ebbing just slightly, though the undercurrent of awkwardness remained.

Nesta and Taryn, however, were the last to rise. They moved with an easy grace, and Feyre couldn’t help but notice the quiet but deliberate way they settled into their seats. Nesta was all composed elegance, her posture straight as she placed her napkin across her lap with careful precision, while Taryn followed suit beside her. Feyre briefly exchanged a glance with her sisters before joining the others at the table, settling into the seats already taken by Cassian, Rhysand, Azriel, and Amren.

As the dinner began, a soft hum of conversation started among the Inner Circle. It was hesitant at first, filled with polite exchanges and the kind of superficial pleasantries that came with shared history, but it slowly grew more natural. Feyre felt a weight lift from her chest as she tried to relax into the evening, though her eyes kept drifting to Nesta.

Cassian, unusually quiet, kept his gaze trained on his plate more than the conversation at hand, but Feyre caught him looking up several times, his gaze snapping toward Nesta as she spoke with Taryn. She was laughing softly at something Taryn said, her eyes warm, her posture relaxed. The sight of Nesta, at ease and so far removed from the bitter, closed-off woman she’d been, made Feyre’s heart swell with a mixture of pride and sorrow.

The tension that had been there earlier, the weight of the past, seemed to lift as Nesta filled her plate. She ate with a steady, measured grace, occasionally glancing around at the others. Her laughter rang clear when Taryn made a remark about something mundane, her smile radiant and full of life, her earlier silence forgotten. For the first time in a long while, Nesta was enjoying herself, and Feyre couldn’t help but feel a flutter of hope.

As Feyre continued to watch, her gaze flickered back to Cassian. He had his jaw clenched, but she could see the way his eyes lingered on Nesta—sometimes soft, sometimes intense. It was hard to miss the way his stare seemed to follow her every movement, but Nesta remained absorbed in conversation with Taryn, unaware of the attention.

Feyre’s heart twisted slightly at the sight. She knew what Cassian’s feelings for Nesta had been, and maybe still were. But Nesta… Nesta was a different person now. Stronger, freer. Feyre couldn’t help but wonder if the quiet longing in Cassian’s eyes would ever fade, or if it was something that would always linger between them, even in moments like this, where the distance between them seemed insurmountable.

As the meal continued, conversation flowed more easily, but beneath the surface, there was a quiet undercurrent of curiosity. Feyre could feel it, though no one spoke it aloud. All of them were watching, their eyes flicking between Nesta and Taryn, as they shared glances, smiles, and occasional whispered jokes. There was something undeniably close between the two women, an intimacy that spoke volumes without a word being said.

It was Cassian who seemed the most restrained, his silence betraying the thoughts he was no doubt keeping to himself. His gaze occasionally shifted to Nesta, then to Taryn, but it was hard to read his expression, his usual confident demeanor replaced with something more guarded. Amren, always quick to pick up on things, narrowed her eyes, but she didn’t comment. Instead, her attention seemed to shift between Nesta and Taryn, as though she was piecing together her own theories.

Rhysand kept his usual smile in place, but Feyre could see the flicker of curiosity behind his eyes. It was there, hidden beneath layers of casual conversation—everyone was silently guessing. Was it something new? A fleeting connection? Or was there more to their relationship than they could see at a glance?

But Feyre couldn’t shake the surprise that lingered in the back of her mind. She had always known Nesta to be… well, Nesta. She had never shown much interest in romantic relationships, not in the way Feyre had, and certainly not in women. Feyre had always chalked it up to her sister’s trauma, her walls so high that she never seemed to let anyone in. So when she saw the way Nesta and Taryn interacted, the small, shared glances and the subtle, tender touches, it was both startling and fascinating.

She had never imagined Nesta in that light—at least, not with another woman. She couldn’t help but feel a small spark of curiosity flicker in her chest. How long had this been going on? When had it started? And more than that, Feyre realized she had never once asked her sister about her heart—what she wanted or who she cared for. She had been so focused on Nesta’s bitterness and the distance between them, she had never taken the time to think beyond the surface, to ask what truly mattered to Nesta.

There was a fleeting moment, as Nesta laughed softly at something Taryn said, that Feyre caught a glimpse of something more than just friendship in their connection. The warmth, the comfort, the quiet joy that seemed to radiate from the two of them—it was unmistakable.

Feyre’s mind raced with questions she had never thought to ask, but in the same breath, she didn’t want to pry. Nesta had always been fiercely independent, and Feyre had learned the hard way that pushing too hard could create distance. But seeing her sister so happy, so at ease in Taryn’s presence, made Feyre wonder if maybe there was something she had missed.

She turned her attention back to her plate, trying to focus on the food in front of her, but her thoughts kept drifting back to Nesta and Taryn. She was surprised, yes, but she couldn’t deny that she felt a strange sense of relief. It was good, wasn’t it? To see Nesta with someone who seemed to make her feel at home.

The moment stretched on, the air thick with curiosity and silent observation, when suddenly, Morrigan’s voice broke through the quiet, sharp and cutting as always. Her eyes, glinting with mischief—or perhaps something more—settled on Nesta as she leaned slightly forward in her chair.

“So,” Morrigan said, her tone casual but laced with an undercurrent of something Feyre couldn’t quite place. “How long has this been going on between you two?”

It wasn’t an innocent question. The way Morrigan phrased it, with that familiar edge in her voice, made it clear it was meant as a jab—a test. Feyre’s heart stuttered as she glanced at her sister, expecting a reaction, waiting for something, anything, to break the carefully constructed calm.

Nesta didn’t flinch, though, her expression a picture of composed indifference. But Feyre could see the subtle shift in her posture—a tightening of her shoulders, the slight narrowing of her eyes. Nesta’s fingers gripped the edge of her plate just a little tighter. Taryn, who had been casually leaning toward Nesta, faltered, her smile dropping for a brief moment, but she quickly recovered, her own gaze hardening.

Feyre’s chest tightened as the silence stretched, heavy and charged. It was clear Morrigan’s question had hit its mark. It wasn’t just an innocent inquiry; it was a challenge, one that was meant to make Nesta squirm, to put her on the spot in front of everyone.

Azriel, seated across from Nesta, let out a soft, almost imperceptible breath—one that Feyre recognized as his way of showing his disapproval. Cassian, on the other hand, stiffened, his jaw tightening, but he said nothing. It was clear that this was a familiar dynamic, one that Morrigan often employed to get a rise out of people.

But Nesta’s response was nothing short of a revelation. With the same quiet confidence she’d shown earlier, she turned to Morrigan, her eyes icy and unfazed. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

The words were soft, but they carried weight. There was no anger in her tone, no sharpness—just a calm, deliberate dismissal of Morrigan’s jibe. Feyre could almost feel the ripple of tension that passed through the room at her sister’s response.

Morrigan, momentarily stunned by Nesta’s unflinching composure, blinked, but her lips curled into a thin smile, her gaze flicking between Nesta and Taryn. “Of course,” she said, almost mockingly, her voice still laced with the same biting humor. “I suppose it’s not my place to know.”

But it was clear to everyone that the barb had been thrown, and while Morrigan tried to brush it off, the atmosphere had shifted again—this time, away from curiosity and into something more uncomfortable. Feyre felt a slight burn of anger for her sister, for the way Morrigan had tried to undermine her so casually, but she couldn’t help but admire the way Nesta had held her ground.

The rest of the table seemed to sense it too. A few exchanged glances—some sympathetic, some cautious—but the tension didn’t break entirely. Morrigan, for all her wit and sharpness, had not expected Nesta to be so resolute, so untouchable.

Rhysand, who had been silently watching the exchange with a practiced calm, finally spoke up, his voice smooth and warm. He glanced at Nesta, his usual charismatic smile playing at the corners of his lips.

“It’s good to have you here, Nesta,” he said, his tone light but sincere. “Either way, it’s been… too quiet without you around.”

There was a pause, and then he added, more softly, “I know Feyre and Elain have missed having you here. You may not have seen it, but it’s true.”

Feyre’s heart stirred at his words, a small flicker of guilt flashing through her. She hadn’t realized how much her absence had weighed on the family until now—until Rhysand so easily voiced what had been left unsaid for so long.

Nesta didn’t respond immediately, but when she did, she raised an eyebrow in that way she always did when she was about to make a point. Her lips curled into a faint, knowing smile.

“Well,” she said, her voice steady, “I’ve invited both Feyre and Elain out to restaurants and taverns a few times. But it’s not like they ever accepted.”

There was no malice in her words, only a cool, unbothered truth that hung in the air. Feyre’s eyes widened, the surprise evident on her face, while Elain’s cheeks flushed a shade of pink that made Feyre feel the heat of embarrassment on her own face.

Feyre had never known—had never considered—that Nesta had tried to reach out like that. She thought back to the years of strained silence between them, to the countless nights Nesta had spent behind closed doors, away from the family.

But now, Nesta had put herself out there, offering something she hadn’t before, and Feyre had never even known. The realization stung more than Feyre had expected, but it also made her feel a tiny flicker of hope. Perhaps this was the beginning of something—something that would bring them all closer.

Feyre opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, Nesta continued, her voice steady and unapologetic.

“I don’t do this often, you know,” she added, her gaze flickering between the three of them. “It’s not my style to chase people. But you all kept saying you wanted me around, so I thought I’d make an effort.”

Feyre was silent for a moment, unsure how to respond. She hadn’t realized how much effort it had taken for Nesta to come back, to reconnect. Nesta had always been the one to keep everyone at arm’s length, and yet here she was, still trying.

“Thank you,” Feyre said softly, her voice filled with an emotion she hadn’t expected. “I’m glad you did.”

Nesta’s expression softened for just a moment, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared. She gave a small shrug, as though the acknowledgment didn’t mean much to her, but to Feyre, it was everything.

Nesta sighed softly to herself, the weight of the evening settling deeper into her chest. She had been trying to navigate this new territory with her family, trying to find the right balance between distance and connection, but it was more difficult than she had imagined. She could feel the stares—casual, curious, like they were all waiting for something to happen.

Feyre, always the one to sense when things were off, cleared her throat and smiled brightly. “How about we have dessert while we open presents?” she suggested, her tone light, trying to shift the mood. “It’ll be fun.”

The others seemed eager for the distraction, nodding in agreement as they moved away from the dinner table and toward the living area where the presents were gathered. The air, though, still hung heavy with the unspoken, as if everyone was quietly waiting for the moment to pass.

Feyre picked up the first present, holding it carefully as she read the name on the tag. Her brow furrowed for a moment, and then she looked up with a small, surprised smile. “This one’s from Nesta,” she said, her voice soft but clear, holding the gift out as she looked around. The silence stretched for a beat, the atmosphere thick with an odd tension.

Nesta met her gaze, a flicker of something unreadable passing across her features. She was sitting back a little, arms folded loosely across her chest, watching the scene unfold without offering much of a reaction.

Feyre carefully untied the ribbon, peeling back the paper, and inside was a set of paintbrushes and oils. The wooden box was elegant in its simplicity, polished to a smooth finish. The paints looked high-quality, and the brushes—sleek and professional—spoke volumes about Nesta’s taste. Feyre’s heart skipped a beat as she realized what the gift meant. She hadn’t expected something so thoughtful.

“I—” Feyre paused, a lump forming in her throat. “Thank you,” she said, her voice unsteady, but genuine. The room seemed to hold its breath as Nesta nodded, watching her closely.

The rest of the Inner Circle looked between each other, their gazes shifting from Nesta to Feyre, but no one spoke right away. It wasn’t the gift that made them hesitant, it was the quiet undercurrent of something else—the words that went unspoken between them, the history that still hung in the air. But Nesta didn’t seem bothered by the silence; she simply sat back, looking more relaxed than she had in a long time, her attention now drifting toward Taryn, who was seated beside her.

The tension in the room remained thick, and the presents continued to be passed around, but it wasn’t lost on Feyre how everyone was exchanging small, tentative glances. It was clear that there was still much to navigate, much to rebuild, but this moment—this simple, thoughtful gift—felt like a bridge. Something solid in the midst of all the uncertainty.

Feyre opened the next gift, the room shifting with small, awkward comments and light-hearted jabs as everyone tried to break the silence. But for Feyre, as she gently ran her fingers over the brush handles, a quiet thought lingered in her mind: maybe things weren’t as broken as they seemed. Maybe this, however uncomfortable, was still progress.

As the presents continued to circulate, Feyre couldn’t help but feel the tension in the air, a soft, lingering undercurrent of discomfort. She was watching her family, taking in the moments of awkwardness, the careful smiles, and the small exchanges, when Cassian and Morrigan suddenly swapped gifts. Feyre’s eyes widened as Morrigan unwrapped a set of elegant, dark lace lingerie, holding it up with a smirk that said everything about the playful jab she’d likely intended. Cassian, in turn, was holding up a similarly risqué gift—soft, red silk underwear that made even Feyre blush a little.

She had expected the moment to be awkward, maybe even uncomfortable, but as she glanced over at Nesta and Taryn, sitting beside one another, she was surprised to see them smiling softly at each other. It wasn’t a fleeting glance, either—there was a warmth between them, a quiet understanding that Feyre hadn’t seen in Nesta before.

Taryn leaned in slightly toward Nesta, her lips brushing her ear as she whispered something too soft for anyone else to hear. Nesta’s eyes widened for a split second, then softened, and to Feyre’s complete surprise, she giggled. A full, unguarded laugh—something Feyre hadn’t heard from her sister in a long time, something that made her heart flutter with the unfamiliar joy of seeing Nesta so at ease.

It was a sound that didn’t fit with the version of Nesta Feyre had grown used to. The older sister who had kept so much inside, the one who rarely allowed herself to be vulnerable, much less to show any outward softness. Nesta’s laugh seemed to cut through the room’s awkwardness, drawing a few curious glances from the others as they tried to figure out what had made her so lighthearted.

Feyre blinked, unsure of what to make of it. She glanced quickly at Taryn, who had a small, knowing smile on her lips, as if pleased by the effect she’d had on Nesta. But it wasn’t just the laugh that caught Feyre off guard—it was the connection between the two women, something new and subtle that Feyre hadn’t expected to see.

She quickly turned her gaze away, pretending to focus on the next gift being opened, but she couldn’t stop the lingering thoughts that followed her. Could it be that Nesta was truly finding herself in this new chapter?

As Feyre watched Nesta and Taryn, something shifted in her chest, an unexpected sadness that wasn’t entirely about Feyre herself, but about the years that had slipped away, the things left unsaid, and the distance that had quietly built between them. Seeing Nesta laugh, something so genuine and full of life, reminded Feyre of the parts of her sister she had longed to see emerge again, but hadn’t. It made her realize how much time had passed without them truly connecting, without really knowing who Nesta had become during all those long months of silence.

It wasn’t that Feyre was angry or resentful about the way Nesta had distanced herself, or about the woman who had clearly made her so happy. No, it wasn’t Taryn who caused the sadness, nor was it about the complicated emotions that came with watching someone you loved grow into something you hadn’t anticipated. Feyre was happy for Nesta, truly, in a way that surprised her. She was glad her sister had found a space where she could laugh freely, where she could be something more than the woman who had been crushed by grief and trauma.

But Feyre couldn’t ignore the deep ache in her chest as she watched. How had she let it go so long without truly seeing her sister, without trying harder to understand her? Nesta had changed, she had grown, and Feyre felt as if she had been standing at the edge, waiting for her sister to come back—but Nesta had already found herself elsewhere. It hurt, in a way that Feyre didn’t know how to articulate.

Her smile, though warm, was tinged with something more bittersweet now. As Nesta and Taryn exchanged whispers, as they shared something that felt so uniquely theirs, Feyre realized she was no longer the person her sister turned to for comfort. It was Taryn, not her. And for all the love she had for Nesta, for all the good intentions she had in trying to bring her back, Feyre felt the quiet sting of being left behind.

This wasn’t something Feyre blamed anyone for—least of all Nesta. It was just a quiet realization of how much time had passed, how much had shifted, and how those changes were irreversible. She had always thought they would grow together, in their own ways, but that hope had begun to feel more distant. Feyre sighed softly, quickly pushing the emotion down, not wanting to let it steal the joy of the evening.

Elain cleared her throat, breaking the soft silence that had fallen over the room. Her eyes darted to the pile of presents before her, and she carefully picked up one that seemed different from the others. It wasn’t a box, but a carefully wrapped bundle, and she held it out toward Nesta, her hands slightly trembling as if unsure of the reaction she’d receive.

“Here, Nesta,” Elain said, her voice a little quieter than usual, but warm, full of hope.

Feyre watched, her heart tightening as Elain offered the gift. It was a book set, wrapped in delicate paper with a satin ribbon, the kind of gift that showed thoughtfulness. Elain had always been the one who poured herself into nurturing those around her, even when it came to Nesta, despite the distance that had grown between them. Feyre could see how much Elain was hoping for a good reaction—how much she wanted to rebuild that connection with Nesta, even if it was just through something small like this.

For a moment, there was a stillness in the room, everyone waiting, perhaps holding their breath to see how Nesta would respond. And then, slowly, Nesta took the gift from Elain’s hands. She smiled faintly, her eyes scanning the wrapping before she carefully set it down to untie the ribbon.

When she finally unwrapped it, Nesta’s eyes flickered over the book set—classic novels, well-loved and already known to her, perhaps something Elain had thought she’d enjoy. But Nesta didn’t seem surprised. She didn’t seem disappointed either, though there was a moment’s pause before she looked back at Elain.

“I already have this,” Nesta said, her tone soft but steady. “But thank you, Elain.”

Nesta’s smile lingered, something faintly warm in her eyes as she looked at Elain. “I appreciate it,” she said quietly, her voice softer than usual, her words more sincere than Feyre had heard in a long while.

As the conversation moved on, Feyre felt a sudden weight settle in her chest. She glanced over at the pile of presents, and her gaze drifted to Nesta. Elain’s gift had been the only one for her, the only thing that had been offered to Nesta. The realization hit Feyre like a cold wave—she hadn’t gotten Nesta anything. She hadn’t even thought to, caught up in everything else, in the tension of the evening, in the strange, quiet joy of having her sister back in their lives.

The sting of guilt gnawed at her, because she should have thought of something. She should have found something personal, something meaningful to give to Nesta, especially after everything they had been through. But no, Elain was the only one who had considered it.

Feyre glanced down at her own hands, feeling suddenly empty and unprepared. How had she missed it? Had she truly been so focused on the idea of Nesta returning, on making things right between them, that she had forgotten the simple act of giving? She should have gotten something for Nesta, something that showed she remembered, that she cared. Something that wasn’t just a grand gesture or a fleeting hope but something small and thoughtful.

Her heart squeezed in her chest as she looked at Nesta. She could see the way her sister was holding herself, the careful way she smiled, even as she tried to mask any discomfort. Nesta hadn’t expected anything. Feyre had assumed that Nesta wouldn’t care, that she would be indifferent to the gifts or the evening, but that wasn’t true. Nesta had accepted the invitation. She had come. She had brought someone with her. And here was Feyre, not even having thought to give her something—anything—to mark the occasion, to show that she still cared, even after everything.

For the briefest moment, Feyre felt her face flush with embarrassment. She was the one who had wanted this night to go well, to have her family together again, but now it felt like she had failed Nesta in the smallest, most basic way.

She looked over at Elain, who was still smiling, still holding onto that soft relief, as if her gift had been the bridge between them. Feyre felt the weight of her failure in the silence that followed. No one had commented on the fact that Elain’s gift was the only one, but Feyre knew. She knew, and it stung more than she could explain.

Her gaze flickered over to the pile of presents once more, and her stomach dropped as the pieces slowly clicked together.

They had all received gifts from Nesta. Each one of them.

Cassian had his new set of armor polish, perfectly chosen for the items he’d always used to maintain his gear. Mor had a sleek, beautifully crafted dagger—one that Feyre knew would be the perfect match for her. Even Azriel had a dark cloak, lined with silver threads that shimmered faintly under the light, a gift she knew Azriel would never admit to appreciating but would wear nonetheless.

And yet, Feyre hadn’t reciprocated. She hadn’t thought to give Nesta anything, while Nesta had clearly put effort into their gifts, had thought about each of them, chosen something personal.

Feyre opened her mouth to speak, to try and bridge the awkward silence that seemed to have settled again, when Taryn unexpectedly reached for an envelope tucked inside her bag. She handed it over to Nesta with a soft, knowing smile, and Nesta took it, her fingers lingering on the edges of the paper for just a second longer than necessary.

Feyre watched as Nesta carefully opened the envelope, her brow furrowing slightly as she pulled out a pair of tickets. The moment her eyes scanned them, they widened in shock, her voice barely a whisper as she read the name aloud. “The ballet?”

Taryn nodded, her smile warm, and Feyre caught a glimmer of something—pride, maybe—beneath her calm exterior.

Nesta, still holding the tickets in her hands, blinked in disbelief. “But they sold out months ago,” she said, shaking her head in amazement. “I—I didn’t think there was any way to get in. How… how did you manage this?”

Taryn’s smile softened even more, and Feyre could see the connection between them, an ease that was new, and yet, not so new after all. Taryn had a way of making Nesta look like she was finally settling into something she hadn’t quite realized she was missing—something that wasn’t just companionship but a deeper understanding, a way of making the world feel just a little more expansive for Nesta.

“I have my ways,” Taryn replied simply, a wink accompanying her words.

For a moment, Nesta was speechless, the tickets held so tightly in her hands that Feyre thought they might tear. But then Nesta’s lips curled into a genuine, wide smile—the kind Feyre hadn’t seen on her sister’s face in years. It was a look of pure, unguarded joy, a moment of surprise and gratitude.

“Thank you,” Nesta said softly, her voice almost cracking. Feyre had to swallow down the tightness in her own throat as she watched her sister. That small, simple act of kindness from Taryn—something Feyre hadn’t seen in their family for so long—seemed to break something open in Nesta.

Taryn gave a soft shrug, as if to say it was nothing, but Feyre couldn’t help but notice the way Nesta’s expression shifted, how her posture softened just slightly. The tension that had clung to her earlier seemed to ease just a little, like a small crack in the armor she wore so tightly around herself.

She hadn’t realized just how much it must have hurt—how much it must have meant to Nesta—that this was a piece of her past, a part of herself, that she had quietly kept hidden. Feyre remembered the long-ago days when Nesta had danced, her movements graceful, her face full of joy. But those memories had faded, overshadowed by everything that had happened since.

And now, seeing Nesta hold those tickets, the spark of something old and forgotten in her eyes, Feyre couldn’t help but wonder how long it had been since her sister had allowed herself something purely for her own enjoyment. Something that wasn’t just about surviving the weight of the world.

It hit Feyre with a sharp clarity—when Nesta had said she’d frequented the taverns, not for the men or the drinks, but for the music, they’d all thought she was lying. They had assumed it was just another excuse, another way for her to hide, to make her actions seem less painful or desperate. But Feyre realized now how wrong they’d been, how little they had truly understood. Nesta hadn’t been lying. She had been searching for something beautiful, something that resonated with her heart—the music, the rhythm, the feeling of moving to a beat that wasn’t born of their cruel, tumultuous world.

The guilt gnawed at Feyre. They had brushed it off as just another thing Nesta claimed, another part of her that seemed too difficult to believe. But it wasn’t. Nesta had always loved dancing, always had a soul that craved something more than the darkness of the taverns. Feyre had dismissed it, had dismissed her, not even bothering to see the layers that had made Nesta who she was, the complexities that lay beneath the surface.

Now, as she watched Nesta sit with Taryn, the gift of the ballet tickets between them, Feyre couldn’t help but wonder how much of Nesta’s soul had been buried in the years she spent trying to survive—how much of it she had given up to the harshness of their world, to the expectations and the hurt. Feyre had never asked her about the music. She had never asked Nesta to tell her what she had really been seeking when she wandered into those taverns.

And now, Feyre had to confront the reality that they had failed to see it, failed to see Nesta’s pain and the things she longed for, things that didn’t involve anyone else but her.

Her heart clenched painfully, and she couldn’t shake the thought that she, too, had been a part of that failure. They had all let Nesta be alone in her struggle, thinking her needs and desires were just more of her façade. They hadn’t even considered that she might be trying to reclaim a part of herself, trying to find something to hold on to that wasn’t all wrapped up in the past they had shared. It was only now, watching her with Taryn, that Feyre could see the weight of her sister’s quiet longing.

The sudden awareness of this made Feyre feel smaller, more guilty. She had thought that Nesta was lost, that the anger and the bitterness she displayed were all that was left. But Nesta had always been more than that. She had always been more than the broken pieces they had ignored for so long.

As the present exchange began to wind down, Feyre thought the tension might finally start to lift. She watched as the last few gifts were passed around, each one drawing out more smiles, more laughter, a moment of connection that hadn’t been there before. But then, Cassian stood, that teasing grin of his slowly spreading across his face as he held up a small, delicate box in front of Nesta.

“This one,” Cassian said with a playful tone, “is for you as well.”

Nesta’s eyes flicked to the box, her brow furrowing slightly, but she didn’t say anything. Feyre noticed the way her sister’s posture stiffened, a subtle shift that didn’t go unnoticed. Cassian, ever the opportunist, didn’t seem to care as he leaned in slightly, his voice dropping into a mockingly sweet tone.

“Open it, sweetheart,” he teased.

For a second, it felt like the entire room froze. Nesta’s face, usually so controlled, shifted ever so slightly—an uncomfortable twinge in her features, a small narrowing of her eyes that Feyre recognized all too well. She didn’t want to take the box, but she did, her fingers grasping it with hesitant care. The room waited in almost a silence as Nesta slowly opened the small lid.

Feyre could feel her heart thud in her chest, and for the first time, she understood that something was off. The joy, the warmth that had started to blanket the evening, vanished in an instant. Nesta’s eyes dropped to the contents of the box, and when she saw the ring inside, the air around them seemed to thickest.

The room was silent. Feyre’s throat tightened as she realized what was in the box—a simple, silver ring. But not just any ring. It was the same one Cassian had tried to give Nesta the last Solstice. The same ring she had rejected with a sharpness that had left Cassian wounded and the rest of them uncomfortable. Feyre had known it was a painful memory for both of them, but seeing it again now, in the present, felt somehow worse than it had before. It was a ghost of their past, a reminder of the rift between them.

Nesta’s face was unreadable, but Feyre could see the flicker of something—maybe confusion, maybe dread—in her sister’s eyes. It was clear Nesta hadn’t expected this. It was clear she hadn’t wanted this. She took the ring from the box slowly, her fingers brushing over the smooth metal as she exhaled quietly, but her lips were pressed tightly together.

Cassian stood, grinning like the fool he was, his eyes glinting with that mischievous gleam he usually wore. “What’s the matter, Nesta? Not even a thank you?” He raised an eyebrow, clearly testing the waters, his voice lighthearted but carrying a hint of challenge.

Feyre couldn’t help the surge of discomfort that rushed through her. She wanted to say something, to stop Cassian before he made it worse, but she found herself frozen in place. She had been so focused on the fragile balance of the evening, on how much progress Nesta had made in such a short time, that she hadn’t anticipated this moment—this reminder of the tension that still lingered beneath the surface between her sister and Cassian.

Nesta, to everyone’s surprise, didn’t respond immediately. She looked at the ring in her hand, a flicker of something crossing her face, and then she slowly, carefully, set it back in the box. She closed the lid with deliberate slowness, her gaze lifting to Cassian’s with a quiet intensity. For a moment, the room felt as though it was holding its breath.

“No, thank you,” Nesta said softly, her voice steady but firm. “But this isn’t something I need. Not now.”

Cassian’s grin faltered, the teasing edge gone. Feyre could see the frustration building behind his eyes, but he didn’t push. Instead, he gave a small, resigned shrug, as though he was used to this—used to the unspoken rejection that hung between them like an invisible thread.

Taryn, still sitting beside Nesta, placed a gentle hand on her arm, an unspoken show of support, and Nesta looked at her, offering a small, almost imperceptible smile in return.

Feyre couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was, but something about the moment made her chest tighten with sorrow. It was as if, despite all the progress, the chasm between Nesta and Cassian still remained. And it wasn’t just a matter of pride or refusal. It was something deeper—something neither of them had fully reckoned with.

Cassian’s face darkened as Nesta handed the ring back with such finality. The playful grin he had worn moments earlier disappeared, replaced by a look of quiet hurt, the kind that only those close to him could read. He stared at the box, his fingers flexing, as if he were trying to force the weight of the situation into something lighter, but it wasn’t working. His chest rose and fell with a deep breath, but there was no hiding the hurt that lingered behind his eyes. He quickly tried to mask it with a shrug, but it was clear that Nesta’s rejection had cut deeper than he had let on.

Morrigan, ever the one to speak her mind, let out a sharp scoff. She leaned back in her chair, her arms folding over her chest as she gave a pointed look toward Nesta. “Well, that was just charming,” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Could’ve at least been polite about it, don’t you think?”

Feyre’s heart sank. She had hoped the evening might stay civil, that they could all enjoy the rare peace they had with Nesta’s return. But Morrigan’s comment tore through the fragile air of the gathering, cutting it like a knife. Feyre glanced at Nesta, who didn’t flinch at the jab, but instead, her eyes hardened—sharp, unwavering. It was clear that Morrigan’s words meant nothing to her now.

Nesta remained silent, her jaw tightening, but her gaze never wavered from Morrigan. There was no anger in her eyes—only a steady resolve, as if she had long since stopped caring about what people thought of her. Cassian, still standing, looked away quickly, clearly not wanting anyone to see the rawness in his expression.

Morrigan, of course, didn’t care. She tilted her head slightly, studying the tension in the room like it was an entertaining spectacle. “I just don’t get it,” Morrigan continued, her voice dripping with condescension. “What’s the point of playing hard to get if you aren’t even willing to try? Doesn’t seem like you’re putting in much effort, Nesta.”

Nesta’s glare cut through the room like a blade, her icy stare locking onto Morrigan as the words fell from her lips. There was no hint of hesitation, no softness in her tone—just the cold, biting clarity that always seemed to come when Nesta was pushed to her limit. “Do I really need to spell it out for you?” she said, her voice calm but dangerous, each word deliberate. “I’m in a relationship. A real one. And I don’t owe anyone, least of all Cassian, anything. I don’t need to return his feelings just because he’s decided that I should.”

The silence in the room thickened as Nesta’s words hung in the air, but Morrigan, ever the provocateur, wasn’t about to back down. She leaned forward, her gaze sharp and unapologetic. “He’s your mate, Nesta,” Morrigan said, her voice dripping with something Feyre couldn’t quite place—whether it was disdain or just sheer annoyance at being defied. “You can’t just dismiss that. You don’t get to throw away a bond like that.”

Cassian’s expression twisted, and for a moment, Feyre thought she saw a flash of something—resentment, hurt, maybe even shame—as he looked between Morrigan and Nesta. But it was quickly replaced by a blankness, as if he had shut himself off from the conversation entirely.

Nesta didn’t flinch at Morrigan’s words. If anything, the corner of her lips twitched ever so slightly, almost as though she were amused by Morrigan’s inability to grasp what she had said. “Maybe I don’t want to be defined by that bond, Morrigan,” Nesta replied, her voice low but firm. “Maybe I don’t want to be tied to someone just because fate decided it for me. You think that’s easy? That it’s something I just want to accept and move on with?”

The tension in the room crackled like a storm, and Feyre could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She didn’t want to intervene, but she also knew that whatever was happening between Nesta and Morrigan had to be addressed—before it turned into something that would break apart what little progress they had made.

Morrigan narrowed her eyes, clearly unfazed by Nesta’s words. “That’s your choice, I suppose,” she said, her tone laced with something Feyre couldn’t quite place—frustration, maybe, or disbelief. “But you’re not going to convince anyone here that what you’re doing is right, Nesta. Especially when he’s your mate.”

For the first time, Feyre noticed the look in Cassian’s eyes—a mixture of hurt and something else that was harder to define. It was the look of a man who had been told, once again, that he wasn’t enough, despite the bond that should have connected them. Despite everything he had done, everything he had tried.

Nesta’s expression softened for a fraction of a second, but it was quickly replaced by the same implacable distance that had become her armor. She didn’t look at Cassian; her gaze was focused solely on Morrigan as she delivered the final blow. “You can think whatever you want, Morrigan,” Nesta said, the edge of finality in her voice unmistakable.

Feyre, feeling the weight of the moment, quickly pushed herself to her feet, her voice trembling slightly as she tried to interject. “Please, can we just—” she began, but Nesta stood before her, cutting her off with the sharpness of a blade.

“I think we’ve overstayed our welcome,” Nesta said, her voice flat and resolute, with no hint of the warmth that had been there when they’d first sat down. She didn’t look at anyone else, her gaze fixed straight ahead, as though she had made up her mind the moment Morrigan’s words hit her ears. “Taryn and I are leaving.”

The room was frozen in place for a moment, everyone watching as Nesta turned away without waiting for any further response. Taryn followed quietly behind her, picking up her bag, her expression unreadable. Feyre’s heart sank as she watched them both move towards the door. It had all unraveled so quickly.

Feyre, unable to stop herself, moved to follow. She felt a desperate need to fix things, to somehow make everything right, but she knew, deep down, that the damage was already done. “Nesta, please,” Feyre called softly as she reached her. “I’m sorry. Morrigan—she didn’t mean to make it worse, but she didn’t understand. I know, Cassian is your mate, and we all respect your choice, truly. But isn’t this something we should… maybe talk about? Please?”

Nesta stopped, turning to face Feyre, her expression still unreadable, though there was a glimmer of something behind her eyes—something Feyre couldn’t quite decipher. For a moment, they simply stood there, the weight of Feyre’s words hanging in the air between them. Nesta was silent for a long time, and when she finally spoke, her words cut through the tension like a cold wind.

“Is Elain talking to Lucien while flirting with Azriel?” Nesta asked, her voice low, but the challenge in it clear. Her eyes flicked over to Elain, who was still at the table, looking as surprised as anyone else. The comment was so pointed, so unexpected, that Feyre froze for a moment, unsure how to respond.

Feyre’s face flushed hot with a sudden rush of embarrassment. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest, and she glanced over at Elain, who was equally flustered, her cheeks pink with the unmistakable hint of a blush. It was so obvious now—Elain’s soft laughter, her teasing looks at Azriel, and the way she seemed to be drawn to him more and more lately. Feyre couldn’t help the sudden, awkward shift in her own expression as she shot a quick look at Azriel, who had gone entirely still, his gaze focused on nothing in particular.

“Oh,” Feyre stammered, her face now burning. “I—well, that’s not exactly—” She trailed off, unsure of what to say. There was no denying it now. “I mean, she’s not… It’s not like that,” she finally managed, but even as the words left her mouth, she knew how it sounded—like she was trying to cover something up.

Nesta’s lips quirked into a half-smile, though it was more bemusement than anything else. “You don’t have to lie, Feyre,” she said quietly, a note of something almost sympathetic in her tone. “It’s obvious.”

Feyre felt her stomach twist. She had always been so attuned to the unspoken moments between her sisters, but this—this moment of embarrassment, of Nesta cutting through the tension with something so sharp—was entirely new.

“I’m sorry,” Feyre repeated, her voice small. “It’s just… It’s been a long night. I didn’t mean for it to go this way.”

Nesta, however, didn’t seem to hold any ill will. She nodded once, her expression hardening again, like she was already shutting herself off from any further emotional entanglements. “We’ll be going now,” she said softly, but the finality in her voice made it clear that there was no room for discussion.

Feyre, her heart aching with the weight of the evening’s tension, took a tentative step toward Nesta, her voice soft and sincere. “I would love to have you again, Nesta. Please, don’t be a stranger,” she said, her words carrying a warmth, a hope she desperately wanted to believe in.

Nesta paused as she reached for the door, her back still turned to Feyre. The dim light of the room flickered in the silence that stretched between them, and for a moment, Feyre thought Nesta might not respond at all. But then she heard her voice, low and steady, yet touched with something unspoken.

“We have a house now,” Nesta said, her tone even but undeniably firm. “Taryn and I. Every weekend, we’re at the taverns.” She finally turned to face Feyre, her expression unreadable but not unfriendly. “You’re welcome to stop by if you want. They’ve got live shows playing, and we always have a couple of drinks.”

Feyre swallowed, her breath catching as the words sank in. She had expected something else, perhaps a refusal, perhaps a coldness, but this… this was something different. It wasn’t an invitation with open arms, but it wasn’t a door slammed shut either. It was a line drawn, an offer made, but with distance—a distance Feyre knew she had no right to cross easily.

“I’ll… I’ll keep that in mind,” Feyre said, her voice softer than she intended, filled with a sadness she couldn’t quite suppress. “I hope you know you’re always welcome here too, Nesta.”

Nesta nodded once, her gaze flickering briefly to Taryn, who stood by the door, ready to leave. “Thank you, Feyre,” she said, the words surprisingly calm, though there was a finality to them.

As Nesta moved toward the door, Taryn paused, her gaze shifting from the retreating figure of her friend to Feyre. There was a quiet intensity in her eyes, a calm that carried with it a sense of finality. She took a breath before she spoke, her voice carrying a weight that made Feyre stop in her tracks.

“She’s inviting you. It’s up to you and Elain to decide if you want to be a part of her life, not the other way around.”

With those final words, Taryn gave a small nod, the strength in her gaze undiminished. She turned toward the door to join Nesta, but before leaving, she looked back at Feyre once more.

“She’s trying, but if you keep waiting for her to come to you, you’ll lose her.”

The door closed softly behind them, leaving Feyre standing in the quiet, the sting of Taryn’s words echoing in the silence.

Feyre stood frozen, her mind racing as Taryn’s words replayed in her head. She felt a heavy, suffocating shame settle in her chest, a tightness that constricted her lungs. Her feet felt rooted to the floor, but the sting of truth washed over her like a wave, forcing her to turn back toward the room.

Taryn had been right. All of it—every single word.

The realization hit Feyre like a gut punch, and her face flushed with the heat of guilt. She had expected so much from Nesta—her loyalty, her presence, her willingness to return to them—without ever stopping to think what it cost her.

She hadn’t been fair.

#anti acosf #anti acotar #anti feysand #anti inner circle #anti rhysand #nesta archeron deserves better #pro nesta #anti azriel #anti cassian #anti amren #anti morrigan #anti nessian #anti night court #sapphic nesta

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hrizantemy · 27 days ago

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Cassian had thought about little else but Nesta since she’d left after Solstice. The silence between them weighed on him, and no matter how much he tried to bury it, his mind would always find its way back to her—her distance, her rejection, the way she avoided him. The others had noticed, and while Feyre had scolded Morrigan for her harsh words to Nesta, it was clear to everyone that Morrigan’s apology hadn’t been genuine. She had moved on from it, but Cassian couldn’t.

Feyre, on the other hand, seemed more hopeful. She was grateful that Nesta had invited her somewhere, even if it was just to a tavern, and Cassian couldn’t help but feel a flicker of resentment. Feyre was desperate for any sign of connection, but Nesta’s invitation felt more like a fragile truce than a real step toward healing.

Elain, ever the quiet observer, had admitted she didn’t feel comfortable going to the tavern. Feyre had been understanding, suggesting they instead go to Nesta’s for dinner, which Elain reluctantly agreed to. But even with the offer, Feyre could tell Elain was still uncomfortable, her unease lingering in the air as they all moved forward, each of them carrying a mix of hope and hesitation.

The days after Cassian had returned from Illyria were a blur, the lingering ache of Nesta’s absence gnawing at him relentlessly. He couldn’t shake the feeling of her—of the emptiness her absence had left behind—and the thought that maybe, just maybe, she was somewhere close, just out of reach.

It wasn’t like him to be consumed by a single thought, but Nesta had changed everything. He had spent weeks trying to keep his mind occupied, pushing away the overwhelming need to track her down, to find where she had gone after leaving the Solstice gathering. But the more he tried to resist, the more the idea took hold of him. He would find her. He would go to the taverns, visit the places where she’d worked, or ask anyone who might know where she lived now.

The desperation to demand an answer, to force her to talk to him, gnawed at him like a hunger he couldn’t appease. But even as he thought about it, a part of him knew it wouldn’t work. Not like this. Not with him demanding answers and trying to impose his will. He had never been good at that with Nesta. But he couldn’t stop himself from wanting to fix things, to force a conversation, to fix whatever was broken between them.

Yet, even in the depth of his frustration, part of him feared what he might find, what he might hear, and whether he would truly be ready for it. The guilt and the uncertainty clung to him as the days wore on, leaving him wondering if he could even find a way to make things right with the woman who had stolen his heart.

Cassian’s feelings were more complicated than just longing. There was resentment simmering beneath the surface, a bitterness he couldn’t shake. Nesta had healed without them—without him. She had distanced herself further and further, choosing to rebuild her life alone. The thought stung. She had pushed them away, rejecting the very people who had once been her support, and now she stood as someone entirely different. Someone who no longer needed him or any of them.

It was hard for Cassian to watch from the sidelines, unable to help her, to fix things, to even get close. The woman who had once been drowning in her own pain had now found a way to stand tall, to pull herself out of the mess she had been in. She got a job, stopped drinking, and stopped bringing strangers home like she once had. She had paid back every single coin Rhysand had once fronted for her—the tabs she’d racked up in the taverns. It was almost as if she was proving a point, showing them that she could thrive without their help, without their pity.

The transformation was remarkable, but it didn’t feel like victory to him. It felt like defeat. Nesta had done it all on her own, and in doing so, she had forced him to confront how little he had been able to do for her when she needed it most. She had pulled herself out of the darkness, but in doing so, she had cut the rest of them out, and that cut deep. Cassian couldn’t quite reconcile his admiration for her strength with the bitter realization that she had moved on—without him.

The worst part wasn’t just that Nesta had healed. It wasn’t even that she had moved on without him. No, the worst part was seeing how happy she looked—not with him, but with someone else. It was a quiet sort of joy that radiated from her, a peace Cassian had never seen in her eyes. And it wasn’t even the fact that she was with a woman. That, in itself, shocked him, yes, but it wasn’t the source of his turmoil. It was the softness in her gaze—the kind of softness he had never once seen directed at him.

Never once had Nesta looked at him like that, not even when they were close. Not when they had shared their quiet moments, when their bond had been full of unspoken things. She had always been guarded with him, distant, and maybe that’s what made her healing feel like a sharp, cruel reminder of everything he had missed.

But with Taryn? With her, Nesta’s face was full of something Cassian had only ever dreamed of seeing. There was no hardness in her eyes, no suspicion, no walls. Just warmth, just that kind of openness he hadn’t earned, couldn’t have earned. He’d never been able to break down the barriers she had built around her heart, and seeing her share that tenderness with someone else made him feel small, insignificant. It twisted something inside of him, this ugly mix of guilt and longing, watching her so free with someone else, when all he had ever wanted was to be the one who got to see that side of her.

That softness was never meant for him, and that realization hit him harder than he had expected. It was a kind of finality that he couldn’t escape, no matter how much he tried to move past it.

Cassian walked along the Sidra, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, his boots kicking stray rocks with each step. The water flowed beside him, but he barely noticed it, his mind too heavy with thoughts that dragged him down. He didn’t know what to do anymore. He didn’t know where to go from here. Every time he tried to get closer to Nesta, to reach her, there was nothing but distance between them—an invisible wall he couldn’t break.

The bond they once shared was gone. Or at least, it felt that way. He couldn’t sense her anymore, not in the way he used to. It wasn’t that the bond was broken—it was as if she had simply let it go, as if she no longer needed or wanted to feel him. It wasn’t a severing, no clean break, but a slow drifting, like she had forgotten he was ever there. Forgotten that he could still feel her, hear her thoughts, be connected to her in ways that no one else could.

It should have hurt, but instead, it left him with an emptiness, a hollow feeling in his chest. It was as if Nesta had taken all of her warmth, all of her strength, and moved it away from him—away from their bond. Cassian knew she was healing, knew she was thriving, but what he couldn’t understand was why that meant leaving him behind. Had she ever really needed him, or had it always been just a fleeting connection, something that had served its purpose and now was no longer relevant?

He kicked another rock, watching it skip across the surface of the river. There was a time when she had been the center of his thoughts, when the mere idea of her would light a fire inside him. But now? Now he was walking through the motions, trying to figure out how to live without the pull of her presence constantly there, even if it had been distant for so long. He didn’t know what to do, where to go, or how to fix this. He only knew that whatever Nesta had done, whatever path she was on, it was one she had chosen without him. And that realization? That was the hardest blow of all.

Cassian didn’t even realize where he was walking, his mind consumed with thoughts of Nesta and the lingering emptiness that followed her departure. He was lost in the rhythm of his steps, his gaze fixed downward, barely registering his surroundings. And then, without warning, he collided with someone. The impact was soft, but the crash of falling bags broke through his haze. He heard a quiet curse as a few grocery bags tumbled to the ground, spilling their contents onto the cobblestone street.

He froze, instantly aware of what had happened. He was going to apologize, to bend down and help pick up the mess, but then he looked up. And there she was.

Taryn.

His heart stuttered for a brief second. He hadn’t expected to run into her—least of all like this. She stood there, glaring at the ground as she quickly began to gather her fallen groceries, a faint flush of frustration coloring her features. Cassian felt a flicker of embarrassment, realizing he had been so lost in his own world that he hadn’t even noticed someone in his path.

Without thinking, he crouched down to help her, reaching for the scattered bags. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, his voice a little rougher than he intended.

Taryn didn’t immediately respond. She continued picking things up with swift movements, clearly trying to hide her irritation. But then she paused, glanced up at him, and gave a tight smile. “It’s fine,” she said, though there was a trace of tension in her voice.

Cassian watched her, unsure of what to say next. There was an awkwardness between them, an unspoken distance. After all, she wasn’t just a stranger, not really. She was with Nesta. And for all the times he had seen her from a distance, there was a weight to this encounter that he hadn’t expected.

He picked up the last of the fallen items, placing them carefully back into the bags. “Are you… okay?” he asked, his voice softening slightly as he straightened.

Taryn didn’t immediately answer, but she nodded, taking the bags from him. “Yes, thank you,” she said quietly. There was a flicker of something in her eyes, something Cassian couldn’t quite place. A guardedness, perhaps, or a wariness that matched the awkwardness of their interaction.

Cassian felt the silence stretch between them, unsure of how to break it. Finally, he cleared his throat, giving a small shrug. “I should have been paying more attention.”

Taryn glanced at him, offering a small, knowing smile. “Seems like you’ve got a lot on your mind.”

Cassian’s gaze flickered away, the weight of her words hitting a little too close to home. He didn’t respond right away, but the quiet between them felt heavier now. Taryn, however, was already looking down at the bags, seeming to dismiss the moment as quickly as it had come.

“Well,” she said, her voice quieter now, “I should get going.”

As Taryn adjusted the weight of the bags in her hands, her fingers straining to hold them all, Cassian stood there, watching her. It was strange how something so simple—a woman holding bags—could feel so heavy. Her posture, tense as she shifted the weight from one hand to the other, made it clear she wasn’t handling it easily.

Cassian didn’t know why, but before he could stop himself, he found the words slipping out. “Do you need help?”

Taryn paused. For a heartbeat, she looked like she might refuse—pride or stubbornness flashing in her eyes—but then, after a moment’s hesitation, she seemed to reconsider. Her gaze softened, and the tension in her shoulders eased slightly.

“Actually, yes,” she said, her voice quieter than before. “Thank you.”

Cassian moved forward, careful not to crowd her, and reached for one of the bags. He could feel the weight of it in his hand as he took it from her, the gesture simple, but somehow it felt like an unspoken offering. A truce, or maybe just an acknowledgment that neither of them had to carry their burdens alone, if only for a moment.

They started walking together, side by side, the awkwardness of their earlier exchange lingering in the air. Taryn said nothing for a while, and Cassian didn’t press her. His mind wandered again, thoughts drifting back to Nesta and that strange, quiet sense of longing that had been gnawing at him since he had first seen her with Taryn.

The quiet stretched between them, but it wasn’t as uncomfortable as it had been earlier. Maybe because now, at least, they were doing something—helping, in a small way, even if the world around them seemed like it had shifted too much already.

Taryn glanced over at him after a few moments, the flicker of something in her gaze—something unreadable. “You don’t have to do this,” she said, her voice just above a whisper.

Cassian gave a small shrug, keeping his eyes ahead as they walked. “It’s no trouble,” he said, his voice a little lighter than before. “I don’t mind.”

She didn’t respond, but the soft sound of her breath as they continued walking made it feel, for a moment, like they weren’t so far apart.

As they walked, Cassian couldn’t help but sneak glances at Taryn. There was something about her that made him feel… uneasy, though not in the way he had anticipated. She wasn’t his type, not in the way Nesta had been. Nesta had always been fierce and untouchable, her every movement demanding attention. Taryn, however, was quiet—composed in a way that Cassian hadn’t expected. She wasn’t like any woman he’d ever been around.

He studied her as they walked side by side, trying to find something, anything, that would explain the pull Nesta had felt toward her. What was it about this woman that had made Nesta smile in a way she’d never smiled for him? He couldn’t see it right away.

Taryn wasn’t trying to make herself seen. She wasn’t flashy or demanding attention. Her hair was tied up simply, a few strands falling loosely around her face. The soft, subtle grace she moved with was more refined than anything Cassian was used to. There was no arrogance in her posture, no sharpness in her tone. She wasn’t like the women he was familiar with, always bold and willing to fight for their place.

He tried to push past his thoughts, but as they continued walking, the more he watched her, the more his mind ran through all the possible reasons Nesta would have chosen to open herself to Taryn. What had Taryn offered that he couldn’t? What had she given Nesta that he had failed to?

It made no sense to him. He had been there for Nesta, in every way he knew how. Yet here she was, sharing moments with someone else—someone like Taryn—someone who was soft and steady, who didn’t demand, but somehow seemed to give her what she needed.

Cassian tried to figure it out, but the answer remained just out of reach. Taryn was so different from Nesta, in every way. And yet, the thought lingered in his mind like an itch he couldn’t scratch. What had Nesta seen in her? Why did she look at Taryn with a kind of warmth that had never been reserved for him?

He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was missing something vital. But the more he looked at Taryn, the more it gnawed at him—Nesta’s smile when she looked at her, the quiet, unspoken bond between them that Cassian couldn’t quite understand.

Cassian couldn’t hold it in any longer. His curiosity gnawed at him, and the silence between them had grown too thick for him to ignore. He cleared his throat, glancing at Taryn from the corner of his eye.

“How’s Nesta?” he asked, his voice softer than he intended, like he was afraid she might hear the desperation beneath it. “I know… everything’s been left tense between us.”

Taryn slowed her pace slightly, her expression unreadable for a moment as she took a breath. Then, with a simple shrug, she replied, “She’s okay. Really, she is. We went out to meet some friends after the Solstice, delivered more presents.” She didn’t elaborate, but there was something in her voice that told Cassian everything he needed to know—Nesta had been moving on.

Cassian felt a strange sting in his chest at the thought. It wasn’t jealousy, he told himself, but a bitter realization. She was living her life without him, carving out a space where he no longer fit. And, for the first time, he was starting to wonder if that was how it should be.

“Good,” he muttered, though the word felt hollow. He wasn’t sure if he meant it.

Cassian didn’t know why the word struck him so strangely. Friends. Friends? Of course, Nesta would have friends. She wasn’t incapable of connection, wasn’t completely cold or cruel—not in the way others might think. But still, he couldn’t quite picture it. Her sharp tongue and relentless glare were more likely to push people away than draw them close.

He tried to imagine it. Nesta, sitting with a group of people, laughing, talking about… what? She wasn’t the type to make small talk, to gossip about nonsense. What did she share with these so-called friends? What part of herself did they get that he hadn’t?

It was unsettling, the idea that there were pieces of her life he didn’t know about. Had she always had friends and just… not told him? Had she met them after she left? What did they see in her that made them stay? He found himself stuck in a loop, trying to reconcile the Nesta he knew with this version of her, one who had a life full of people who weren’t him.

Taryn glanced at him, her lips twitching in a faint smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. It was sharp, almost pointed, and Cassian felt the weight of it as if she had peeled back the layers of his thoughts.

“She’s perfectly capable of making friends,” Taryn said smoothly, her tone light but purposeful. Her gaze lingered on him for a beat longer, as though daring him to deny it.

Cassian felt a flush creep up his neck. He shifted the bag in his hands, focusing on the ground ahead as if it held answers. “It’s not that she couldn’t,” he said quickly, almost defensively. “It’s just… Nesta is Nesta.”

Taryn raised a brow, the look on her face both amused and unimpressed. “And what does that mean, exactly?”

Cassian stumbled over his words, realizing how it must have sounded. “I just mean… she’s not the easiest person to get to know. She keeps her guard up.” He hesitated, then added, almost to himself, “She pushes people away.”

Taryn’s expression softened, but there was still steel beneath it. “And yet, some people stay. You’d be surprised how many are willing to try when they see her for who she truly is.”

The words landed heavily, and Cassian felt them settle uncomfortably in his chest. He didn’t respond, unable to shake the feeling that Taryn wasn’t just talking about Nesta’s friends but maybe even herself. Maybe especially herself.

Cassian frowned, his grip tightening slightly on the bag in his hands. “Maybe,” he said after a moment, his voice lower, more defensive. “But they don’t know her like I do. Like her family does.”

Taryn stopped walking, turning to face him fully. Her expression was unreadable, but her sharp gaze pinned him in place. “And what makes you so sure of that?”

He blinked, caught off guard by her directness. “Because I’ve been there,” he said, his tone firmer now, almost as if trying to convince himself. “Through everything. I’ve seen her at her worst, and I’ve—”

“Left her there,” Taryn cut in softly but pointedly. Her words sliced through him, leaving no room for rebuttal. “You’ve seen her, but did you ever truly try to understand her? Or did you just assume that because she’s family, you knew everything there was to know?”

Cassian’s jaw clenched, but he said nothing. Taryn tilted her head, studying him for a moment longer before continuing. “Nesta doesn’t let people in easily, but when she does, she’s loyal in ways most people can’t comprehend. If she’s found people who care for her, who see her for who she is now, maybe that’s something you should be glad about instead of guarded.”

Her words hung in the air between them, heavy and unyielding. Cassian swallowed hard, the weight of them settling into the cracks he hadn’t even realized were there. He wanted to argue, to push back, but deep down, he knew she wasn’t entirely wrong. Still, the thought of anyone else knowing Nesta better than he did left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Cassian’s jaw tightened as he stopped in his tracks. “You don’t get it,” he said, his voice sharper than he intended. “You didn’t see her last solstice. What she was doing to herself. The drinking, the fighting, the way she pushed everyone away. You don’t know what it was like.”

Taryn turned to him sharply, her eyes blazing with something fierce. “Don’t I?” she snapped, her voice low and biting. “You think I wasn’t there? That I didn’t see her that way?”

Cassian froze, his mind scrambling to make sense of her words. “What are you talking about?”

“That solstice,” Taryn said firmly, stepping closer, “was the night I met Nesta. I saw her exactly as she was then—angry, hurting, and drowning in her own pain. Do you think I didn’t notice the way she downed those drinks, or how hollow her laughter sounded? You’re not the only one who’s seen her at her lowest, Cassian.”

Cassian’s throat tightened, but he didn’t look away from her glare. “Then you know what I’m talking about,” he pressed, his voice quieter but no less intense. “You know how bad it was.”

Taryn’s gaze didn’t soften, but her tone shifted, calmer yet still cutting. “I saw her that way, yes. But unlike you, I didn’t just judge her for it. I didn’t try to fix her or force her into something she wasn’t ready for. I just… listened. And maybe that’s why she started to pull herself out of that darkness—because she didn’t need someone telling her what she already knew. She needed someone who would stand beside her while she figured it out herself.”

Cassian stared at her, the weight of her words pressing against the cracks in his pride. He wanted to argue, to push back, but for the first time, he felt the sting of doubt. Had he been so focused on saving Nesta that he hadn’t stopped to ask what she actually needed?

Cassian swallowed hard, his voice hesitant as he asked, “What did she need, then?”

Taryn studied him for a moment, her expression unreadable. She shifted the grocery bag in her arms, as if the answer carried weight she wasn’t sure he could hold. Finally, she said, “She needed space. And patience. Someone who didn’t try to fix her, but who saw her for who she was—not just her anger or her pain, but all of her.”

Cassian flinched, her words hitting closer than he wanted to admit. “I… I cared about her. I still do. I thought I was helping.”

Taryn’s gaze softened, but only slightly. “Maybe you were, in your way. But Nesta didn’t need someone to save her, Cassian. She needed someone who trusted her to save herself.”

Cassian felt the weight of her words settle deep in his chest. He wanted to protest, to defend himself, but the truth in what she said left him speechless.

“She’s stronger than you think,” Taryn continued, her voice steady but no longer harsh. “Stronger than even she believed, back then. But she had to find that strength on her own terms. Not yours. Not anyone else’s.”

Cassian looked away, his jaw tightening as he stared at the cobblestones beneath their feet. He wanted to believe he had done right by Nesta, but hearing Taryn now made him question everything. “I just wanted her to be happy,” he muttered, almost to himself.

“She is,” Taryn said simply, her voice softening just enough to be kind. “But it’s her happiness, Cassian. Not the version you wanted for her.”

The words stung, but Cassian nodded faintly, unable to argue against the truth of them.

Taryn adjusted the grocery bag in her arms and began walking again, her steps deliberate but unhurried. Cassian quickly fell into stride beside her, his thoughts racing.

“How… how was she?” he asked, his voice quieter than he intended. “Last solstice, I mean. How did you two even meet?”

Taryn didn’t answer immediately. Her gaze was fixed ahead, as if deciding how much to say. Finally, she exhaled softly. “She was… at a low point,” Taryn admitted, her voice measured. “She didn’t say much at first, but it was obvious. I could see it in the way she held herself, in the way she avoided looking anyone in the eye.”

Cassian’s chest tightened at the image, the guilt surging anew. “And?”

Taryn glanced at him briefly, her expression unreadable. “I was in a tavern,” she said bluntly. “She was sitting in a corner, drinking, glaring at anyone who came too close. I didn’t think much of it at first, but then I saw a few men trying to bother her.”

Cassian’s fists clenched at the thought, his protective instincts flaring. “And what happened?”

Taryn gave a wry smile. “She didn’t need me to intervene. She shut them down with a single look and a few choice words. It was… impressive, honestly.”

Cassian felt a mix of pride and frustration at the image. “So why did you approach her?”

Taryn’s smile faded slightly. “Because even after they left, she still looked… alone. Not just in the way she was sitting, but like it was something she carried with her.”

Cassian swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry. “And then?”

“I sat down,” Taryn said simply. “She tried to brush me off at first, told me to go away. But I stayed. I offered to buy her a drink—not the cheap, strong stuff she was nursing, but something that didn’t burn. And to my surprise, she didn’t argue. She just… let me.”

Cassian blinked, stunned. He could hardly imagine Nesta letting anyone do something like that, let alone a stranger. “And you just talked?”

Taryn shrugged. “Not much that first night. But enough. I told her about a band that was playing a few nights later, and I don’t know why, but I invited her. Didn’t think she’d come.” She smiled faintly. “But she did.”

Cassian fell silent, his mind replaying the story. It was so… unlike the Nesta he knew—or thought he knew. He couldn’t help but feel like he was piecing together fragments of someone he’d lost, someone who had grown into a version of herself he no longer fully recognized.

Cassian frowned, the weight of Taryn’s words settling heavily in his chest. He glanced at her, his brow furrowed. “If you knew she was drinking to hurt herself,” he asked, his tone sharper than he intended, “why would you buy her another drink? Why not stop her?”

Taryn didn’t break stride, though her jaw tightened slightly. She shifted the grocery bag in her arms, considering her response before she finally spoke. “Because stopping her wouldn’t have worked. Not then.”

Cassian blinked, caught off guard. “What do you mean?”

Taryn turned her head, her gaze steady and unyielding as she met his. “Do you really think she didn’t know she was hurting herself? That she didn’t already hear all the judgment from everyone around her? What she didn’t need was someone else trying to fix her. She needed someone who wasn’t going to push her away further.”

Cassian opened his mouth to argue but found he had no immediate response. Taryn’s words cut deeper than he wanted to admit.

“I wasn’t buying her another drink to enable her,” Taryn continued, her voice firm but not unkind. “I was meeting her where she was. Showing her that she wasn’t invisible. That someone saw her, even if she didn’t want to be seen.”

Cassian’s steps faltered, his hands tightening into fists. He hated the truth in her words, hated the guilt it churned up in him. He’d spent so long trying to push Nesta to be the version of herself he thought she should be, and now he couldn’t shake the image of her sitting in that tavern, alone and hurting.

“That’s what she needed then,” Taryn said quietly. “And eventually, she started to let herself want more than the hurt.”

Cassian’s chest ached, his gaze dropping to the ground as they walked. He didn’t know how to respond, how to process the realization that someone else—someone he barely knew—had reached Nesta in a way he never could.

Taryn’s gaze softened as she walked, her voice steady but reflective. “It wasn’t easy,” she admitted. “Nesta didn’t just let people in. At first, she was sharp, guarded… like she was waiting for me to prove I was just like everyone else who had hurt her.”

Cassian’s jaw tightened, his fists still shoved in his pockets. “That sounds like her,” he muttered, more to himself than to Taryn.

Taryn glanced at him but didn’t comment on the bitterness in his tone. “She tested me, you know,” she continued. “Sarcasm, walls built so high I wasn’t sure I’d ever get past them. But I didn’t push. I just… stayed.”

“Stayed?” Cassian repeated, his brow furrowing.

“Yes,” Taryn said simply. “I sat with her when she didn’t want to talk. I listened when she did. I didn’t pry or force her to explain herself. I let her take her time because I knew she needed to trust that I wasn’t going to leave the moment it got hard.”

Cassian’s throat felt tight. “And she let you in?”

“Eventually,” Taryn said, a small smile playing on her lips. “It took months. Months of awkward silences, of her throwing verbal barbs at me to see if I’d flinch. But little by little, she let her guard down. And when she did…” Taryn’s smile grew, warm and fond. “It was worth it. She’s worth it.”

Cassian didn’t know what to say to that. His heart twisted painfully at the thought of Nesta letting Taryn in when she had pushed him—and everyone else—so far away. He wanted to resent Taryn for it, but deep down, he couldn’t. Not when it was clear that she had been there for Nesta when no one else had.

Taryn’s voice softened as she continued, her gaze fixed ahead. “Even after she started to trust me, Nesta wasn’t ready. For relationships, for dating… anything like that.”

Cassian glanced at her, a question in his eyes, but he stayed quiet.

“She was still piecing herself back together,” Taryn said. “She didn’t need someone trying to claim her, or fix her, or even push her. She needed space to figure out who she was beyond all the pain she’d carried. So, we stayed as friends. Close friends.”

Cassian’s chest tightened. “Friends,” he repeated, his voice faintly bitter, but Taryn ignored the edge in his tone.

“She got a job,” Taryn continued, undeterred. “Started saving her money, paying off debts—even the ones no one expected her to repay. She moved into a new apartment, something small but cozy, something she could call her own. And she started exploring things she enjoyed—books, music, dancing.”

Cassian’s brows furrowed. “Dancing?”

Taryn smiled faintly. “Yes, dancing. Not in a ballroom or for anyone’s approval, but just… for herself. She loved the freedom of it. The joy.”

Cassian looked away, his throat tightening. He thought of all the times he had seen Nesta at her lowest, drowning herself in alcohol and pushing everyone away. He thought of how he had tried to pull her out of that darkness, but his methods had only driven her further away.

“She didn’t need someone to pull her out,” Taryn added, as if reading his thoughts. “She needed to climb out on her own. And she did.”

Cassian stayed silent, his jaw clenched. He didn’t know if it was anger, regret, or something else entirely that burned in his chest. But one thing was certain: Nesta had found a life beyond him, beyond the chaos they had shared. And for the first time, he realized just how far out of reach she truly was.

Cassian stopped walking, his voice coming out sharp, like a challenge he couldn’t hold back. “When did it happen?” His eyes locked onto Taryn’s, searching, as if the answer might bring him some sort of relief. “When did you two become… this close? When did you—” He paused, words faltering for a moment. “When did she start trusting you enough for all of that?”

Taryn’s expression was unreadable, but there was a soft sigh before she answered. “It didn’t happen overnight, Cassian. It took time. Months, really. I didn’t rush her. I wasn’t trying to be her savior or her therapist or her next… whatever. I just showed up. I was there when she needed someone who wouldn’t push or judge or try to make her ‘better.’”

Cassian’s fists clenched, but his voice stayed low, full of that pent-up frustration. “I was there too. I tried.”

Taryn’s eyes narrowed, and she stopped walking, her tone cool but firm. “And you know what happened when you tried, right? You pushed. You didn’t see her. You didn’t really hear her. You didn’t give her the space she needed to heal, and it drove her further away. It’s why she needed a different kind of person.”

Cassian stood frozen for a beat, trying to swallow the weight of her words. The truth had always been there, hadn’t it? He had pushed too hard, too fast, expecting things to fall back into place when she was barely standing at all. He hadn’t seen it until now—how much further he had gone to drive a wedge between them.

“When did it happen?” he repeated, quieter this time. He wasn’t sure if he wanted the answer, but he had to ask. He needed to know. “When did you… become what she needed?”

Taryn didn’t answer immediately, letting the silence stretch between them. Then, finally, her gaze softened just a touch. “It wasn’t a moment, Cassian. It was a process. A lot of small moments. But if you want a specific day, it was when she told me she wanted to dance with me.” She shook her head, a faint smile tugging at her lips. “And that… well, that was a beautiful thing to witness.”

Cassian let out a slow breath, the air around him feeling heavy, as if he was hearing everything for the first time, but it was too late to take it back. He wanted to scream, to ask her how he could have been different, but the words stuck. All he could do was stand there, feeling the loss of her—not just as a woman, but as someone who was gone in a way he hadn’t realized until now.

Taryn’s lips curved into a small, knowing smile as she resumed walking, her gaze ahead of her. “She trusted me,” she said simply. “I didn’t ask her to. I just gave her the space to be who she needed to be.” She glanced at Cassian, her expression soft but firm. “We have a relationship built on honesty, Cassian. She’s bared her heart to me, everything—no holds barred.”

Cassian’s brow furrowed, the words catching in his chest. He couldn’t keep the surprise from his voice. “Everything?” He couldn’t help it, the need to know the depth of what she meant. “Even the cabin… her sisters… Feyre?”

Taryn nodded without hesitation, her gaze unwavering as she continued walking. “Yes. Everything. Nesta needed someone to listen, to understand. She had her reasons for keeping things from her family, but with me, she didn’t hold back. She told me about the cabin, about the way she felt about her family, about Feyre and what happened with her. She told me about the war, about the way things broke her—about how she thought no one cared enough to help.” She paused, letting the weight of her words settle. “And it wasn’t easy for her. But she found a way to talk about it.”

Cassian stood silent for a moment, processing her words. There was so much he hadn’t known, so much he hadn’t realized about Nesta’s struggle. Her isolation wasn’t just about being left behind—it was about the broken pieces no one had bothered to pick up. “She never told me that,” he murmured, the hurt obvious in his tone. “She never let me in like that.”

Taryn’s smile softened. “She had to be ready, Cassian. And she wasn’t ready with you then. But she is now… in her own way, with the people who see her, who accept her as she is.” Her voice was gentle, but there was a quiet strength behind it. “You didn’t give her that. But she’s found it now.”

The words struck him like a blow. Cassian felt the sting of regret, but also the painful realization that he had never really seen Nesta for who she had become—only who she had been when they first met. “I didn’t understand her,” he admitted quietly. “Not then, not even now.”

Taryn glanced at him briefly, a flicker of empathy crossing her face. “It’s not too late, you know. But it has to be on her terms now.”

Cassian looked at Taryn, his voice raw with a mix of frustration and curiosity. “How did you do it? How did you understand her when none of us could? The cabin… we all hated her for it. Some of us still do.” He paused, trying to grasp at the answer that had been eluding him. “Why didn’t you?”

Taryn’s expression softened, and she turned her gaze toward him, her pace slowing as she considered his words. “Why would I hate her for it?” she asked quietly. “I wasn’t here, Cassian. I didn’t live the way she did. I didn’t feel the weight of every mistake she thought she’d made. I didn’t hear the things that broke her down, the way you and her sisters did. I didn’t live through the endless cycle of self-loathing that she couldn’t escape from.”

Her voice was calm but firm, as if the answer was simple to her. “So why would I hate her for something I didn’t live? Why would I judge her when I didn’t walk in her shoes, when I didn’t feel what she felt?” Taryn’s eyes met his, a quiet but powerful understanding in them. “I saw a woman who was trying to survive. She didn’t have to explain herself to me, but she did. And I didn’t turn my back on her for it.”

Taryn’s footsteps slowed even further as she spoke, her voice quiet but full of conviction. “What happened to the sisters… all of it, it was horrible. But Nesta blamed it all on herself. Everything. When she didn’t have to. She carried the weight of it like it was her burden alone, as if she had the power to stop it all.” Taryn’s eyes narrowed slightly as she glanced over at Cassian. “She didn’t have to, but she did.”

Cassian’s throat tightened as he heard the truth in Taryn’s words, but she wasn’t finished.

“What happened in the cabin… the things she did, what she put herself through, I would never hold it against her.” Taryn shook her head, her voice firm. “She was trying to survive, Cassian. She was suffocating, and she didn’t know how to breathe. None of you were there when it started to break her, and you weren’t there when she pulled herself out of it, either.”

Taryn shrugged, as if dismissing the weight of the conversation, but Cassian felt the words linger in his chest. He still didn’t understand, not fully, but he couldn’t argue with the sincerity in her voice. He followed her anyway, his mind still whirling with the questions, the confusion.

As they turned a corner, the street ahead seemed quieter, warmer. A cozy little neighborhood lined with homes that felt lived in. They stopped in front of one of them—a small, well-kept house. It wasn’t grand or imposing, but there was a charm to it. The brick exterior was a deep shade of red, with ivy creeping up the sides. A small garden sat in front, a few pots of flowers and greenery scattered about.

It was the kind of place that felt like it had a story to tell, and for some reason, Cassian found himself wondering if that story belonged to Nesta now.

Taryn looked up at the house, then over at Cassian. “This is it,” she said simply, her tone softer than before.

Cassian nodded, though his eyes lingered on the house. Something about it felt… real. In a way that he hadn’t expected.

Cassian’s gaze softened as he looked at the house, the quiet hope bubbling up in his chest. “Is she here?” he asked, his voice uncharacteristically gentle. He couldn’t help it—there was a part of him that wanted nothing more than to see her again, to have a chance to talk, to maybe fix what had gone so wrong.

Taryn immediately shook her head, her lips pressing together in a firm line. “No,” she said, her tone almost apologetic. “She’s out running errands.”

Taryn took the bag from Cassian’s hands, her grip firm as she looked up at him, her gaze steady and piercing. “I heard you’ve been asking around about her,” she said, her voice calm but laced with an edge of warning. She didn’t give him a chance to respond before she continued. “You should only come around when Nesta allows it, if she ever wants it. You can’t just push your way into her life, not after everything that’s happened.”

Cassian was silent, her words hitting him harder than he expected. His mind raced, thinking of how many times he’d pushed too hard, how many times he’d tried to fix things without considering what Nesta needed. It wasn’t just about him—it was about her.

Taryn turned to walk toward the house, her eyes still on him. “So, if you truly care about her, you’ll wait. You’ll wait until she’s ready.”

Cassian’s voice broke the silence, thick with something that almost sounded like vulnerability. “Do you love her?” he asked, his eyes searching Taryn’s face, desperate for some understanding, some answer he didn’t know he was looking for.

Taryn paused for a moment, her lips curving into a soft but unwavering smile. She looked at him, her gaze filled with both certainty and tenderness. “Yes,” she said simply, her voice quiet but strong. “I do.”

Cassian blinked, caught off guard by her honesty. He had never expected such a clear answer, but it stung more than he thought it would. He opened his mouth to say something, but Taryn continued before he could speak.

“To be honest,” she said, her smile softening as her eyes turned distant with the memory, “I’m pretty sure I loved her the first moment I saw her.” She let out a breath, her fingers tightening slightly on the bag she carried. “She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

Cassian stood frozen, the weight of her words settling on him like a weight he couldn’t shake off. It wasn’t just the admission of love; it was the way Taryn spoke about Nesta, as if she had known her soul since the very beginning. Something in the way Taryn looked at her, something in the way she loved her, made Cassian feel like he was too late.

#anti acosf #anti acotar #anti feysand #anti inner circle #anti rhysand #nesta archeron deserves better #pro nesta #anti azriel #anti cassian #anti amren #anti nessian #anti morrigan #anti night court #sapphic nesta #more sapphic nesta

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