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lane-ys-world · 6 months ago

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Blank The Series - A BLANK slate?

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you put two stupidly attractive women in a television show and basically said “Make this show as disgustingly cute as humanly possible?”

No? Well then you clearly haven’t seen Blank The Series. Now, if you’ve been into GL (Girls Love/ Lesbian) dramas for a while now then maybe you’ve seen GAP The Series. If not, then it’s time to come out from the comfort of the rock you’ve been living under.

These two stories intersect due to the two sisters, Neung and Sam. After Song, the middle sister, tragically passes away following an argument with their grandmother over her sexuality, Song vows to never return to their family home and gets into a car accident on her way back to her girlfriend. Of course their grandmother, who has spent all this time raising them, rejects the relationship and then blames Song’s girlfriend for her death. The family is then divided with Neung blaming her grandmother for her sister’s death and Sam trying to just keep her remaining family together. Things come to a head, however, when Sam falls in love with a woman and their grandmother, set in her homophobic ways, tries to get Sam to marry a ‘nice boy’ she chose and deems worthy instead.

This backfires…greatly!

Sam, still wanting to keep the peace but also wanting to love who she loves, becomes a shell of herself before her grandmother’s eyes – unable to eat and incapable of engaging on any meaningful level with either her grandmother or her betrothed. This is when Nana realizes she’s gone too far and is at risk of losing her remaining granddaughter – because Neung booked it the minute she got her bearings and promised that she, too, would only ever return when her Nan was cold and due for a meeting with her maker.

Neung upon finding out that Sam was about to choose Granmama over the love of her life – they’re sisters, they still tell each other just about everything – decides it’s time to intervene and sticks her neck out for Sam in order to show her that her grandmother was the only person in the family getting anything out of the rules she was making and she expected everyone else to pretend to be happy with said rules – I’m paraphrasing, obvi. Well, fate or destiny or common freaking sense intervenes and gran takes her foot off Sam’s neck and ‘allows’ her to follow her heart – which leads Sam right back to Mon (her girlfriend). Happy endings all around, right?

Not quite.

See, as Sam’s story has a happy ending we come to realise that the gran still has huge expectations of Neung… like the fact the she too was expected to marry a ‘nice boy’ that granmama deemed fit for her. That went over like a cinder block in a lake. Neung ran from the wedding!! She was already in her dress, at the venue, on the day and she decided “yeah, this isn’t for me.” So, she ran. Which is how she declared her excommunication. Her Nan was not pleased with this turn of events because it embarrassed the family, made them indebted to the nice boy’s family and all that jazz.

The boy (Chet), who so happens to be Neung’s high school best friend’s baby daddy, had had a crush on Neung since the beginning of time – why he then went and slept with her best friend is still beyond me. Ooooh, and let’s not forget the fact that Neung’s high school bestie – Piengfah – was also in love with her. Honestly, at this point we should just have NA (Neung Anonymous) meetings because she’s starting to seem like an addictive substance.

Now, you may be thinking ‘there is no way in hell this gets crazier!’ You would be WRONG! Not only are the baby daddy and her bestie in love with her, but so is the child of those two! Yes, a cool twenty years (I’m working off of the show, not the books – don’t come for me) after the baby was born, she too falls in love with Neung! And where her mother and father both failed, she succeeds in climbing over Neung's walls and military crawling her way into her heart. And babe, that’s just the beginning because, you see, Daddy Chet and ABSENT MOTHER Piengfah, are absolutely not going to allow their 21-year-old daughter to fall in love with someone sixteen years her senior and they are going to pull all the stops… but that will be in season 2 which is dropping in May, 2024.

Now, let’s talk about how these two stories compare to one another.

Before we continue though, please remember that this is in no way intended to downgrade any one of these shows and, honestly, I loved both iterations of the siblings so we are not going to put anybody down here!

GAP the series, which aired in the second half of 2023, follows the story of Sam and Mon. Sam is depicted as an emotionally stunted individual who is completely uncertain of her own feelings – so much so that her friend circle has to second guess all her decisions in order to figure out what it is she actually wants. Why is she like this? Because of her grandmother, obviously.

Sam’s grandmother, after Song died and Neung ran, put immense amounts of pressure on Sam and essentially stripped her down to “yes, granmama” and “no, granmama”. Being from one of the royal families in Thailand, there are expectations of this family that Neung will no longer live up to and so they have fallen onto Sam.

So, gran did the sensible thing the moment the eldest sister left and doubled down on her control of Sam’s life because she was the only person who knew what would create a fruitful and successful life not just for Sam but for the family image.

How does dear granmama accomplish this? By giving Sam an ultimatum.

When Sam was of age she asked her gran if she could open her own business and she was told that she could have her own business until she was a certain age then she would have to completely give up that dream and get married to the man that was chosen for her.

Sam is business minded and has grown her company into something she is quite proud of. The kicker? Her betrothed is her business partner and keeps sticking his nose in her business – not always in the worst ways but he definitely thinks her knows what is best for here without consulting her.

Enter Mon.

Mon comes into the company as an intern. Her area of focus being social media marketing. She excels at this, gets the company numbers up and is fitting in well. Mon has a secret though… she’s been in love with Sam since their school days but Sam doesn’t remember her. Mon has crafted her entire life around the idea of being “good enough” for Sam and she feels like she’s finally on the right path. Sam starts to notice Mon and they start a secret affair because Sam made a rule that dating in the workplace is prohibited so if anyone catches on that they are fornicating in the office, Sam is going to be forced to fire her girlfriend.

But, of course, things must be better before they get worse so Kirk, grandmama’s lapdog and Sam’s betrothed, finds out about Sam and Mon and immediately runs to tell granny that she needs to get the little miss back under control before she destroys the family image by being publically gay? Look, I don’t know what this idiot thought he was doing but gran finds out.

Cue confrontation!

Sam yells, gran yells, Kirk – for whatever reason – is also yelling. Then Neung appears, as if out of thin air, dragging Mon along to also yell. Now we have a full house! Back and forth, yell yell yell and then Sam decides Mon is more important than all that noise and she starts to make her exit when gran falls back onto the chair behind her gripping her chest and you’ll never guess what was going on there…

If you guessed that she was performing open heart surgery on herself, you would be sorely mistaken. No, she’s apparently having a heart attack! Neung isn’t buying it and Sam decides to believe her sister so her and Mon leave… only for Sam to abandon Mon once gran is admitted to the hospital.

Sam then goes about planning her wedding and Mon plans on flying halfway around the world to avoid her now ex but Sam is struggling and gran is suddenly feeling a little guilty about caging her barely free bird.

All that aside, Mon and Sam end up married and Kirk ends up in a ditch… or at least I wish he did 😒.

Now, onto Neung’s story.

Neung has always felt pressured to be perfect. Her grandmother groomed her to be the perfect lady after all. Not a hair, nor a thread out of place. Neung’s entire life had been planned out like a well written story and all she had to do was jump from page to page quietly and allow all the things that were intended for her to come her way. She goes through the motions set before her like a good little doll and allows her gran to have full control of her life. That is, until her sister comes home one day and tells the family that she has fallen in love.

You'd think this is good news but from the looks on grans face it would probably be closer to the look you'd give someone if their dog urinated on your custom polar bear white fleece rug.

She turned her nose up at the very thought that her granddaughter would be ‘defective’ and immediately told Song to end that useless relationship so she could focus on more realistic things… like marrying the man that dear ol’ gran had already chosen for her. When Song refused, all hell broke loose and gran kicked her out.

So Song left, Neung raged and the grandmother stood on her sanctimoniously high horse thinking she had saved her bloodline from embarrassment or whatever. Then the news came that Song was deceased and still the grandmother refused to take accountability, choosing instead to blame Song’s girlfriend.

This is where I think Neung drew the line. Blaming the person that Song chose to love for her dying was the final straw and she decided she wanted no part of this ruse any longer. She left the family home and decided to live the life of a struggling artist. Her grandmother cut her off so her finances were up in the air most of the time but Sam was always there to be safety net.

Neung had resigned herself to never finding love, never being happy, never having anyone to call her own because she had been taught that no one was worthy of her. No one that her gran didn’t say was worthy, anyway. So she went on living like that… until the sun came out from behind the clouds and we all know what they say about dynamite coming in small packages.

This new force of nature was a pint-sized, 20-year-old beauty with an innocence that could make cherubs sing. She came by Neung’s store one day and asked to have her portrait done – Neung is actually an artist, but she’s ‘struggling’ by choice at this point – and Neung wasn’t going to turn a paying customer away. So they sat, for hours, while Neung got every detail of this girl’s face down on paper. The girl, coincidentally named Aneung, had been planning this meeting for ages and once she had her in she was not planning on being shut out again. And, boy, does this little nugget wear Neung down.

Eventually Neung admits that Aneung has become an integral part of herself and she doesn’t want to extricate herself from Aneung. That’s all well and good, until Neung finds out who Aneung’s mother is.

She is now confronted with her best friend from high school who she told to abort her baby because she felt it would possibly ruin her life to go through with the pregnancy. Piengfah – Aneung’s mother – also admits that she named her baby that, out of spite, as a reminder to herself that the person she loved the most told her to get rid of her baby before it was even born. And now Neung is in a guilt spiral because the person she has come to love might not have been born if her mother had listened to her best friend.

Anyway, not to give too much more of the story away, the gran dies. We should all be very sad about this… Neung is beside herself because she realizes she will never have the opportunity to make up with her gran. Again, guilt spiral!

Maybe if she had listened… maybe if she had married the guy gran chose… or if she spoke to her kindly the last time they were together…

All these possibilities are running through Neung’s mind and then Aneung comes to her, wanting to help her in any way she can. And, for a time, Neung allows this. Neung then wakes up the morning after her grans wake with the bright idea the Aneung is too good for her and she needs to push her away. Which she does, spectacularly. Aneung is besides herself while also trying to reason with her lover but nothing seems to be working so she leaves. And once again, Neung is all on her own…

This show has me wanting to call my gran just let her know how grateful I am that she isn’t a controlling crazy person. All this heartache, this strife, could have been avoided if the gran had loosened up a little sooner.

She raised women who were intellectuals, strong in their own rights, brilliant and business minded and she refused to trust that without the presences of the Y-chromosome in their lives they would be fulfilled and happy.

They all missed out on some of these best years of each other’s lives because of all of them being stubborn to some degree. Only the two sisters remain and in May we will see how Neung and Aneung’s story closes off with season 2.

There are a lot of unresolved feelings, a lot of hurt and a lot of misunderstandings going around but only time will tell if everyone will find their way back to their soulmate.

Stay tuned.

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lane-ys-world · 3 months ago

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Blank 'We Can Never Have Peace' The Series (Season 2)

Fair warning, there are SPOILERS littered throughout. Hell, this entire post is basically telling you what all went on so if that is not what you are looking for please run now and save yourself from my scathing report – hehe.

For clarity I will be referring to the characters as follows:

Aneung – Neung/Aneung

Khun Neung – Khun/ Khun Neung

Piengfah – Fah/ Peingfah

Aneung’s Grandmother – Granny

Khun Neung’s Grandmother - Granmama

Chet – demon/idiot/warden/Chet... (I'm sure I missed a few but, oh well)

It is now the end of an era… that’s a little dramatic to say but if you’ve lived through Blank, alongside the rest of us, then you may understand where I’m coming from with this. This show put us through the ringer and I can’t even complain about it. But there are points of concern, things I can absolutely say I took issue with and one of my main problems throughout this show was an idiot named CHET.

There are few things in the world that have the ability to incite fury within me and the mere mention of that man’s name can set me off like a baking soda volcano with a shook up cola bottle. I have a hatred so deep for that man that I would set my soul on fire if I were told that I would be born into his bloodline… I hate that man so much that I almost broke my computer screen trying to deal with his sheer AUDACITY!

And, look, I get it. Okay? I understand. He isn’t real… but the fact of the matter is there is a Chet in every one of our families. He may not be the dad or the uncle or the brother, hell, he may not even be a he but there is a CHET in all our families and the irritation I feel when I think about that fact makes my skin itch like I just got a vacation sun burn (iykyk).

Alright, now that we’ve gotten the formalities out of the way, let’s get down to business. This second season, blessed as it was, was WAY. TOO. SHORT! Everything felt like we were moving at light speed just to get to the end and the end was… something. And, no, I’m not referring to the beach scene after the hospital. I’m referring to the beach scene AFTER THAT. You know, the one where Anueng and Khun were completely different people. I understood wanting to “age” the characters, to show progression and to give a timeline to their love story. I got all that. But the characters they choose threw me off a little. I accidentally jumped to the end – ‘accidentally’ – and I was worried they’d introduced a new couple without any of us knowing it. I went back through the first part of the episode trying to find them only to figure out that it was the older versions of Aneung and Khun Neung.

It was jarring, to say the least. I feel as though they could have gone about making us aware that time had passed with those two in a different way. Because, and I’m being critical here, they made Aneung’s actor three – if not more – inches taller than she was when we left off and we, the audience, were expected to just accept that that made sense? Where? How? I’m trying to be imaginative here, but how did any of this hit the storyboards, in a room full of people, and everyone went “Oh, it’s been a few years and a 22-year-old woman grew another three inches? Yeah, that tracks…” Excuse the ever loving heck out of me, but WHAT!? I feel as though they could have done some cosmetic changes, put them in different environments, hell, just put “A FEW YEARS LATER” on the screen and carried on with Faye and Yoko to wrap up the story. Instead, I’m sat here wondering if the production company was chemistry testing those two ladies at the end for some other show they plan to produce. What was the purpose of changing the actors? And yes, I’m complaining a lot right now, but that is only because I had really high hopes for this show.

Anyway, let’s dive into the storyline.

So, the story picks up the day after Khun tells Neung to leave in an effort to ‘protect’ her. Life is still hitting her hard and she is now moved back into her family’s palace, sans Sam, sans Granmama, sans Song. She’s in this big estate filled with the memories of all she’s lost all on her own and her heart aches for what could have been. And then she gets a phone call, in the middle of the night, informing her that Neung is out on the town, getting trashed and raising hell. Now, because all of Neung’s family have entrusted her with Neung’s care, Khun cannot just say that they are now in a weird, emotionally charged predicament – of her own making – and just call it quits. She has to get up and go fix what she broke, and it seems all she’s been looking for was the opportunity to do so. But it also seems that Neung took the break up way worse than Khun did and decided that a descent into madness was fitting for how she was feeling and she does not skimp.

She was doing all the bad girl things now that she wasn’t tied down. She was staying out late, drinking and dancing with boys, not to mention not contacting her gran. She was basically a delinquent.

And when she is found, on a school night, in a night club, drunk out of her mind and damn near being felt up by some random college dude, Khun just about loses her mind. She immediately claims ownership and carts Neung out of there – not without some token resistance, of course. When they make it back to the palace, they hash it out, kiss it out and then fall asleep in each other’s arms… only for them to wake up the next morning with Neung having vengeance on the brain. She’s still sour about how Khun ended their relationship and she decides that she can do the same.

She repeats, almost word for word, what Khun said to her. To ‘pretend last night never happened’ and move forward as they were. Khun, not really knowing how far she can push the issue, decided to take a step back from it all and allow Neung the space she seems to crave. We all know that she doesn’t actually want space, she wants a chase, but that is neither here nor there because Neung ends up losing at this game she initiated.

Neung wanted Khun to feel jealous, to understand what life would be like without her there and is instead met with how Khun flirts with people who aren’t her. Khun makes Neung jealous of one of her own friends, the same friend that Neung had been using to try and make Khun jealous. She started a fire fight with no ammunition, hoping she could pick bullets up along the way, and Khun came fully prepared with a military grade arsenal. The poor poppet never really stood a chance.

Now, outside of this one fight, there isn’t really a conflict between them. Their conflict bleeds over from season one. Khun believes Neung is too young to know what she wants and in a few years she will be tossed to the side when Neung finally ‘finds herself.’ Neung is not having it, this time around, and latches on like a barnacle to a turtle shell. She will not be thrown into the depths all on her own a second time. All is well with these two, if you don’t bring Neung’s family drama into consideration. They are living their best secret-love-story lives and it seems nothing can pop their bubble. Until daddy dearest starts popping up and inviting himself into their personal space and nothing is sacred anymore.

This is where my rage begins to boil over. This is where Chet exists… I mean, he inserts himself in almost every other thing Neung does – or tries to do – and makes demands of her like he’s been there this whole time and they should seem normal to her at this point but it is within the family unit that Chet thrives, where he finds power and back up. Chet, on his own, is an annoyance that we can usually ignore or circumvent. Usually Neung lets Khun deal with Chet because she’s been doing it since forever so she knows how to make him go away, but in the family unit Chet has granny’s support. And granny has Neung’s ear. Things are now complicated but they navigate it. When Chet oversteps, Khun brings him back to Earth but when Chet starts to suspect that there is something else going on between Neung and Khun, all bets are off. Chet calls Fah back to Thailand to test the waters, then Chet flat out accuses Khun, and the cats out of the bag because Khun may be a lot of things but a liar isn’t one of them.

But before we get into how things went wrong, let’s go back to why we despise Chet.

Chet spends the majority of this show spewing random, differing degrees of homophobic rhetoric. He doesn’t like Neung’s new college friend because she seems too boyish to him and, according to his two functioning brain cells, apparently this makes her contagious because he wants Neung to stop being friends with her so she doesn’t ‘catch the gay’ from the too boyish friend….

Can you hear my eyes roll all the way into the back of my skull? No?

Alright, how about when Chet decides to bring up Neung’s friend choices in front of her grandmother, who is also a raging homophobe, and they try to gang up on Neung. Because Chet couldn’t convince Neung on his own, he decides to get back up from literally the only person who gives a damn about his opinion in this entire show. Then – because it gets worse – he decides that since Neung and Khun are ‘getting along so well’ now would be a great time to revisit his and Khun’s possible marriage. He proposes. To Khun. In front of Neung. Without consulting either of them. His justification? Khun would make a great stepmother for Neung and they’ve grown up now so the issues that caused Khun to run from the wedding the first time must have gone off into the stratosphere seeing as how HE couldn’t possibly have been the problem.

And when Khun rejects this proposal, shocked Pikachu face!

This is where I believe Chet started suspecting something else was going on with Khun. Maybe he didn’t suspect that she was in love with his daughter – who he’s been aware of for the blink of an eye – but he certainly thinks she is with someone else because that would make much more sense than the fact that she’s just not that into him, I suppose.

When he can’t get Khun to marry him, he inevitably turns his attentions back to Neung which makes the poor baby even more uncomfortable with him. She hasn’t known him all that long and he is talking at her like she has no mind or thoughts of her own. He talks about what he wants for her like his thoughts are blueprints to be followed rather than talking points. He has injected himself into Neung’s life like a bad vaccine and the effects are opposite to what he was hoping because, again, NOBODY LIKES HIS PRESENCE! I don’t know how else I can say this. Chet is that one mosquito you hear just as you’ve settled in bed and you’ve switched off the lights. Just as you think you are at peace, he starts buzzing around, trying to suck the life out you… and then disaster strikes.

Neung and Khun get caught.

Piengfah comes in like a sleeper agent because, as per freaking usual, these parents are not engaged with the raising of their child until it is time to inconvenience said child by throwing their thoughts at her and expecting her to be excited about their hair brain ideas.

Let us all remind ourselves of how we ended up here, shall we?

Piengfah was in love with Khun and got rejected. Chet was in love with Khun but – from what I’ve gathered – said nothing. Fah and Chet make a baby and Khun tells Fah, out of concern, to abort said baby as this may slow down or altogether stop the progression of her life. Fah has the baby but her own mother is not pleased with this development and even worse is the fact that Piengfah refuses to tell her mother who the baby daddy actually is.

Granny decides that Thailand is clearly too much for Fah and sends her overseas to go get her shit together and she raises the baby. Chet is left unaware of the existence of said baby. Chet is set to marry Khun due to an arrangement by Khun’s granmama and Chet’s family. Chet is pleased with this arrangement, Khun is not. She runs from the wedding and effectively cuts off Chet and her gran.

Baby Neung is wrapped in bubble wrap by granny because gods forbid she turns out like her dear darling mother. Jump forward about 20 years and Neung bumps into Khun in the market – INSTA LOVE. Khun and Neung get close, then Khun falls in love. Fah makes a reappearance to rub into Khun’s face that she is Neung’s mother. Chet finally finds out about the daughter he’s had under his nose this whole time.

Chet starts love bombing this poor girl but also he really REALLY wants her to get a DNA test to prove she’s actually his kid. Neung couldn’t care less about what Chet wants and is only concerned about what Khun wants. Chet and Fah become privy to how attached to Khun Neung is and they think they can use this to their advantage but Khun is already off the deep end at this point and she has no intentions of doing things that Neung’s now helicopter parents want when that is clearly not what she wants.

Piengfah realizes that the only way any of this works is if they give Neung some space and Chet thinks space means being a puff of air away from one another. And, lastly, Chet thinks parenting is calling in your child’s grandmother any time she won’t do exactly what you want her to, when you want her to, how you want her to and with no resistance or questioning.

Chet is the most irritating character I have had the pleasure of watching and I watched Khun’s gran make a complete fool of herself and Sam’s betrothed Kirk in GAP the series and in Season 1 of Blank.

Now, because Chet has never been taught how to deal with rejection or situations that he finds averse to his morally skewed compass he doesn’t know how to properly deal with his only child being in love with a woman. And he certainly cannot wrap his brain around that other woman being his ex-fiancé. And his last brain cell is holding on to dear life when it has to process that his child won her over where he couldn’t.

So, like any untrained and untamed animal, he lashes out. At Khun. In her own damned palace. Then he demands that Khun and Neung not come into contact with one another. Gets Piengfah and granny to back him up and they all devise a plan for Neung to go live with Piengfah overseas somewhere and hopefully – and I shit you not – GROW OUT OF BEING GAY. This move only works because they have finally hit Khun where it hurts. She has been fighting with the idea that Neung is too young for her this entire time and now she has three other people telling her that she is not worthy, that she’s too old, that she is sucking the youth out of their “baby” and if she really loves her then she’ll let Neung go and let her make her own choices.

The irony there is not lost on me and I hope it isn’t lost on you either.

Just as Neung is about to leave for brighter skies with Piengfah, Khun has a ‘come to Jesus’ moment and decides to pour her heart out on live radio, for the whole nation to hear, about how in love she is and how her heart is breaking from having to be separated from the only person she has ever wanted for herself in this life. Neung hears this message and, because the demon and his minions had forced separation between the lovers, she makes a run for it. Hoping against hope that the prison sentence she had been serving for the past few days can finally come to an end when she is, "unexpectedly", hit by a car.

TROPE TIME – she’s in a coma now.

So, because she was on the phone with Neung when the accident happened, Khun is the first to arrive at the hospital… somehow… I mean, the accident happened right in front of Neung’s gran’s house so the warden and the guards should have been the first at the hospital but, I digress. When they do eventually get to the hospital, all they are is enraged at Khun for luring their baby to her possible death, and scared shitless for Neung. They blame Khun for them needing to be scared and then they try and pin the whole accident on her. Khun, like anybody else in life, has a breaking point and this comment pushes her over.

She starts firing back. She asks them why they felt they needed to come between two people who just loved each other. She asks how they can accuse her of being the reason Neung was out on that street when the car came barreling towards her when they were the ones keeping her prisoner. She asks what she’s ever done to deserve their ire. Asks how it can be wrong to love someone. Asks how she can be solely to blame when the only person who ever actually heard Neung, actually listened to Neung, was her? Crickets! Until granny comes in, on her sanctimonious rocket ship, and slaps Khun across the face before telling her to kick rocks.

I’m over it at this point. This whole family can go jump off the nearest bridge.

Khun takes a page out of Neung’s book and refuses to be tossed by the way side. She wears everyone – save Chet, until MUCH later – down with her sheer devotion. She shows up, reads to, talks to, pleads and begs with Neung to just open her eyes. And then she does. She opens her eyes and the first thing she does is make a phone call?

Look, I’m as confused as you at this part but the director, producer and creator all thought this worked so we’re going with it.

Neung wakes up, calls that same radio station in hopes that Khun is listening and confesses as well. Lays their love story bare for the country to hear. And, by some miracle, Khun is listening to the radio station at that exact moment and B-lines is straight for Neung’s room. They hug, they kiss, they hug some more and then Neung is walking out of that hospital with her arms around the woman she loves and her family supporting them all the way. Heavens, how I wish it had just ended there! It would have been sappy, it would have been sickly sweet, but it would have made a world of sense more than switching the actors at the last moment – YES I’M STILL ON THIS!

Like I said in the beginning, I wish the show was longer. I wish we had more time with these characters. I am in love with the chemistry that all the characters have with one another. This cast really sold this plot and Faye and Yoko were the perfect actors for their roles.

The only question I guess I have at the end of all this is does love really have an expiration date like Khun has been stressing this whole time or is the love of the right person infinite and unending like Neung has been saying since the very beginning?

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