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xxlady-lunaxx · 11 months

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Living is a nightmare | {SaneGiyuu}

Theme: Angst

TW: Sh, suicide mentions, death. THERAPY. (idk why this is a tw-)

because they need therapy like YOU 🤨 (i was going to say "/j" but i'm not sure it's a joke atp ;-; go get some help love)

Giyuu brought down the blade on his arm. Once. Twice. Again. Blood spilled down his wrist and dripped onto the floor. He stared at it, hands shaking. The blade fell onto the floor. He gritted his teeth, bringing his hands to his neck. His head spun, and his arms hurt. He couldn't breathe. He felt the pressure building up inside of him, filling his lungs, his throat, his mind. He gasped, clawing at his skin. He collapsed onto the floor, his mind going blank. He passed out and the blade on the floor stabbed into his arm as he fell.

~~~

Sanemi shook. He stared at the note in his hand, the paper crumpled from being crushed then smoothed out and crushed again. He couldn't bring himself to throw it away, though. It had been a letter from Genya. "I never hated you. I'm sorry for calling you a murderer. You didn't let me talk to you. I've become a demon slayer. This mission is too hard for me to do. I'm sending a crow out to give you this note. I'll probably die today. I love you, Sanemi. I'm sorry."

He clenched his fists and the paper fluttered to the ground slowly. Genya was dead. A crow had come the day after this letter had been sent. When the letter had arrived, Sanemi was out on a mission. He'd come back with this note and a message that his brother was dead. He couldn't believe it. What a fool he was. An absolute fool. He let Genya go too. He let Genya become a demon slayer and die because he'd been an idiot. He hadn't paid enough attention. And because of that, his only family left was dead. Dead.

Sanemi brought his hands to his hair and tangled his fingers into it. He dug his fingers into his palm until his fingernails created deep creases on his skin. He ripped at his hair, screaming silently. His mouth moved but not a sound escaped his throat. Tears poured down his cheeks and he let them. He'd been stupid. And his stupidity had brought this. How could he fucking let this happen?

~~~

Sanemi walked silently to Giyuu's house, needing to be with someone. If he was alone he didn't even want to know what he might do with himself. So he was on his way to his boyfriend's house. Eventually he found himself standing in front of the door and he didn't move for a second, unsure what to do. He felt dread coursing his entire body but of course he did, his brother had just died. The tears from reading the letter still stained his cheeks and he was constantly holding back more, unable to decide whether or not to fucking kill himself.

He put his hand on the door and waited a beat, putting his ear to it. He heard nothing. Was Giyuu not home? Sanemi sat on the ground in front of the door, seeing if Giyuu would come back. he must've sat there for 30 minutes or so before he realized it was raining. He sighed. He would have to go in unless he wanted to be soaked.

Sanemi turned, unlocking the door—Giyuu had provided him a key—and stepped inside. The house was eerily silent save for the rain pattering on the roof. He looked around before he carefully put back the key in his pocket and shook as much water off as he could at the front. He closed the door and walked in, finding himself in Giyuu's room. It was messy but empty. Giyuu was probably out on a mission or something, then. After all it was late and the sun wasn't out.

Sanemi moved to the bathroom. He should probably dry off more before getting the whole house wet. He opened the door and froze. It looked like it could be some murder scene. There was blood all over the floor and Giyuu lay in the puddle, the handle of a dagger sticking out from under Giyuu's arm.

Sanemi shook, and he held onto the wall for support. He lowered himself down and picked up Giyuu carefully. There were cuts all over his arms, which was luckily the only place Sanemi found blood consistently coming out of. He stared at the blade that stuck in Giyuu's arm and decided against taking it out. It would make more blood come out and make it worse.

Sanemi positioned Giyuu on his arms carefully, supporting his head and keeping his arms on his stomach. The Wind Hashira then found a chair and sat himself down next to the sink, getting a towel. He washed Giyuu's arms then wrapped a towel around them, making sure to have it applying pressure but not too much. He left the part of his arm with the blade in it out and thanked the gods that it hadn't punctured a vein.

He got up, his arms still holding Giyuu protectively up. Sanemi decided he must go to Shinobu's and now, so he took one last look at the mess on the bathroom then left Giyuu's estate towards the butterfly mansion.

He arrived 15 minutes later, out of breath, his shoulders aching from running so fast and carrying Giyuu through the rain. Sanemi knocked on the door with his foot, breathing heavily. His wet hair framed his face and he couldn't see as well. He glanced down, noticing how red the towels he'd wrapped around Giyuu's arms already looked.

The door opened and Kanao's face popped out. She was a silent girl so Sanemi didn't wait for her to speak. "Let me in. I need someone who can help Gi-.."—he pondered for a second of whether or not to use his first name then decided it didn't matter—"Giyuu. I need someone—Kanzaki, Kocho, I don't care."

Kanao nodded, opening the door all the way to let him in. Sanemi walked forward, ignoring the way he dripped water all over the floor. "Take me to a room we can put him in," he said, walking quickly.

Kanao caught up with Sanemi after closing the door and showed him an empty room which had only one bed in it rather than the ones that were lined with many.

"Put him there," Kanao murmured, surprising Sanemi for a second.

"Right." He laid Giyuu down then turned to Kanao. "Can you get anyone to help? There's a blade stuck in his arm and I didn't know how to get it out without making it worse."

"Of course." She left the room and Sanemi sat down at the edge of the cot, pushing his sopping wet hair away from his forehead. He sighed heavily, feeling like falling as hard as the rain was. First Genya now Giyuu. What next?

Sanemi buried his face in his hands and only looked up when he heard the patter of footsteps. Shinobu walked in, a towel drapped on her shoulders and another in her hand. She looked like she'd been in the rain as well. She saw Giyuu and hurried forward, worry creasing her face.

"Shinazugawa, do you have any missions?" she asked, picking up Giyuu's arms carefully.

"No, why?" he said, watching her.

"If you take over mine I can tend to Tomioka-San right now. Aoi is with a couple other demon slayers with more vital wounds than what I can see here. Where any of his veins cut?" Shinobu asked, unwrapping the towels carefully.

"Not that I know," Sanemi mumbled. "What and when are your missions?"

"I have two today depending on how fast they're finished. My crow will tell you the details." Shinobu looked up, then, turning to him. "How did Tomioka aquire these cuts..?"

He looked away. "I'm assuming he did them to himself. He was on the bathroom floor when I found him."

Shinobu looked grim. "That's what I thought. We'll... We'll need someone to talk to him," she said, her voice soft.

Sanemi nodded then paused. "You know, why don't we have therapists for every demon slayer? Because at this point everyone needs mental help, if I'm being honest."

"True. We don't have the time to think of things like this usually, I suppose is the answer. I'll look into it. Now stop stalling and go finish my missions, Tomioka will be okay," Shinobu assured him. "Physically, at least."

~~~

When Giyuu woke up, his head hurt and his arms stung and he felt nauseous. He blinked and winced as light reached his eyes. He groaned as he tried sitting up, his body feeling sore from he didn't know what. He closed his eyes again and went back to sleep, not feeling up to waking. Maybe this time he would sleep and never wake up.

~~~

Sanemi sat by him whenever he could. As much as he wanted to be alone and to tear himself to pieces because of his inability to be a good brother, he figured that Giyuu might need some support as well. He also felt that he couldn't lose Giyuu too and wanted to make sure he didn't do anything. Most of the time, it was just the room silent, the window closed because of how rainy it had been recently and the the soft breathing of both Hashira. Honestly, Sanemi didn't like the silence. He hated the quiet and it made him go crazy. But he felt Giyuu needed his rest so he let it continue. Even if the silence gave him time to think and suddenly he had to fight back tears at the thought of Genya.

He hated crying. Crying made him weak. He didn't want to cry. He didn't want to be like this. But he was human still, after all. He was going to cry whether he liked it or not. And as much as he tried fighting it, in the end a few tears ended up escaping. Luckily, for him, nobody had noticed it yet.

Shinobu didn't come around the room much except to check on the both of them around once or twice a day and Aoi came in only during meal times with food for Sanemi and sometimes extra for Giyuu in case he'd woken up. Giyuu only woke up for short periods of times though and only once woke up to eat. He seemed thin, especially in these clothes that were a size too big for Giyuu. He looked frail and weak. Sanemi hated it.

Shinobu had said that Giyuu wasn't like this because of anything physical besides, perhaps, over exertion from training and lack of food. Most of it was something more mental, something they couldn't fix with a couple of medicines and bandages. It worried Sanemi. A lot.

But he didn't know what to do. So he just sat there, next to Giyuu, for days. Getting up only for missions or the bathroom or if Shinobu insisted he left while she checked Giyuu. He hated leaving because he worried that if he turned away for one second he would turn back and see Giyuu on the floor again, blood seeping from him but this time somewhere more mortal. His head, his chest, his stomach.

It made Sanemi lapse into a fit of what he called not crying. He tried not to think about it but his mind didn't care what he wanted or didn't because it constantly resurfaced that image over and over occasionally bringing Genya into it too.

Sanemi had nightmares about this too. They were always of two people. Genya and Giyuu. Of course. Genya, blaming him for killing their mother and then not caring for him. Giyuu, dying because Sanemi hadn't been careful. Then both of them, shouting and tearing at Sanemi's skin, telling him what a horrible person he was for leaving them to die.

It was always the same thing. And when he woke up, on the uncomfortable chair he alway sat in because he refused to move from Giyuu's side, he was covered in sweat and panting as if he'd just run miles. He was terrified this would come true. That it was true. Because really, it partly was. He'd left Genya by himself and thought he'd had everything under control but no. Genya had died because Sanemi had been careless and stupid and a fucking idiot for letting any of this happen. He hadn't paid enough attention on Giyuu and Giyuu went and hurt himself.

Sanemi felt useless. And even more so for thinking that. Because of course he was useless if all he was thinking was how he'd done so badly when Giyuu was right there and he could help. Do something. But how do you save someone whose illness has nothing to do with his body. Or maybe the blame is his body? How do you save someone whose illness is in their head and the only way to cure them is change their way of thinking?

No matter how many times he thought about it he never got an answer. Aoi and Shinobu didn't have answer for him either. It was frustrating. So frustrating and he hated it to the point he would kill himself if he didn't know how much worse that would make it for Giyuu..

~~~

Time flew and eventually Giyuu woke up for longer periods of times. It took a while but with the support of Sanemi and the butterfly girls, Giyuu willed himself to not go back to sleep. He progressed fast after that and went on missions—though he was not allowed to go by himself. Either a Hashira must go with him or a tsugoku—any other demon slayer might only make it harder to finish the mission or might get killed. Because, after all, the Hashira took on the missions a lot harder than the ones assigned to lower ranked slayers.

Although this was all good and everything, Sanemi knew Giyuu wasn't entirely 'better.' They all knew that. But none of them knew how to help except to make sure Giyuu didn't try it again. Through all this, Sanemi had been suffering from the loss of his brother and the feeling of incompetence. He never let this on to anyone as much as he wanted to so he constantly felt some sort of pressure weighing him down.

Because of that he constantly overworked himself when he was alone, throwing all of his emotions into his punches and rather into crying because at least it helped him grow stronger, no? Stronger for Giyuu, as long as he could protect him.

But protect him from what? Giyuu was his own enemy and Sanemi didn't know how to stop him. He couldn't exactly tie Giyuu up and never let him move, that would probably make it worse.

Luckily Kagaya had a solution. Though the solution also ended up being something that was supposed to help everyone. And everyone meant Sanemi too. And, of course, the solution was a therapist. A therapist for the Hashira and for the others in the demon slayer corps.

Kagaya decided it was required, and they should all take at least 2 lessons and if they absolutely detested it or if they felt that it made everything worse, they could stop. But he said that he wished for every one of his children to be as healthy as they could be with everything going through in their lives. He also expressed how he was sorry he'd not thought to do this earlier.

Sanemi didn't really know what to do with this but decided to try it out because he hoped it would help Giyuu. Apparently they had to be in the room with the therapist and a friend or someone they loved/trusted because the therapist wasn't a demon slayer and feared that if they got triggered by anything said and she wouldn't be able to handle anything if it got physical.

Everyone understood this, of course.

And so it went.

The therapist was paid to do this, of course, because the amount of things dumped on her would be a lot. They didn't have anyone else at the moment to work as one because the demon slayer corps wasn't exactly widely known so they had to find people who did know of it's existence so that the person wouldn't try to convince them that they were mentally ill and making things up about demons.

The Hashira were letting some of the younger demon slayers go first before themself because, as always, the priority for them were keeping everyone else safe. It took a while before the Hashira's lessons started but the day before it was the first Hashira's turns, Giyuu went to Sanemi's house.

Sanemi opened the door the second Giyuu knocked and let him in.

"Giyuu? What is it?" he asked, closing the door.

Giyuu looked away. "Can you be the other person with me during the sessions? I don't want to be with any of the other Hashira," he murmured.

"Oh? Sure. Can you be mine?" Sanemi asked, then quickly rephrased that realizing how it must sound. "I mean, could you be there when I'm in mine? If you don't, I can just use Iguro I guess, because I don't really think he'll want Kanroji to know his secrets if I'm being honest."

Giyuu nodded, sounding slightly amused as he said, "Yes, I probably wouldn't want to reveal every little thing about myself to someone I love."

Sanemi flinched, wondering if that meant Giyuu didn't like him. But then he elaborated and Sanemi relaxed.

"I don't mean I don't love you," Giyuu explained. "Just that though I'd rather not you knew my worst parts of myself.. I don't trust anyone else. Kocho is.. too irritating and would either make fun of me or worry way too much. Kanroji worries a lot, Iguro definitely not, Uzui is too loud, Rengoku is fine but also would, like, try to give me pep talks every other second, Tokito is too young, Himejima is.. I don't know. I just trust you more, you know?" he said, finishing his rant with a worried look at Sanemi. "Of course I'll be there for you but I want to know if you can also be there when.. for me?"

Sanemi's gaze softened. "Honestly, Giyuu, I would be there for you even if you turned into a demon. Or maybe not that would be harder since I'd probably have to cut off your head. You know what I mean, though," he said, sighing.

"Yes, thank you."

"Any time."

~~~

The following day, Giyuu and Sanemi walked over to the location they had been sent to by their crows. They found themselves standing in front of what seemed like a small house and they entered as a woman opened the door. She smiled at the two of them and nodded.

(Note: I've never gone to therapy so sorry if it's inaccurate, too forward, etc, I didn't mean it to be I'm just doing it as I think and write because Idk how to do this and research isn't something I like to do unfortunately..</3)

"My name is Miko and I will be here to assist you in your mental health. Since both of you have chosen each other as the trusted person to be there you will both take yours following the other with several breaks in between to keep yourselves calm." She nodded reassuringly at the both of them. "Idealy the sessions will last an hour each, but should either of you must retreat on a mission or need to stop early I will let both of you do as you need. But, if you are too distraught when being called to a mission a different person, Hashira most likely, will be informed to take over yours. Understood?"

(Miko is the name I use when talking to AI's sometimes 😊.. I couldn't think of anything-)

Both Hashira nodded and Miko led them to two comfortable-looking seats that sat five feet apart from each other. There was a wooden table in front of them and then across was another chair, which the woman sat on. She waited for Sanemi and Giyuu to get comfortable—and let them push the chairs a little closer together.

Then she started speaking, her posture held up in a more formal manner though neither Sanemi nor Giyuu sat as she did. "So, as I've heard, you two are Hashira, yes?" she asked, the smile still playing on her face. It looked slightly strained, but given the amount of people she must've already endured listening to their stories of nobody blamed her.

The two nodded and waited for her to continue. She addressed Giyuu now, and they figured it was his session first.

"As with everyone else, I've been given a few things known about you, such as your names, ages, age of when you became a demon slayer, and any family you have or had," she said, her tone careful. "Also somethings that have happened with you that we may need to go over. Do you want to say it, or do you want me to? If you want to move to a different subject please tell me."

Giyuu paused. "The.. Uh.." he said, his voice faltering. "I, um, cut myself," he whispered, his eyes flitting downwards.

Her gaze softened and Sanemi held Giyuu's hand tightly. "Dear—can I call you that?—if you don't want to talk about this, just say the word and we can move on. I want you to be comfortable talking. I'm aware it's hard to tell a stranger things about yourself that are things you probably don't speak about to even people you know, so I want to make it easiest on you. Do you want to continue on or do you want to drop the subject and move on? This isn't a test question, this is something only you know the answer to. Take your time, of course, I don't want you to feel pressured." She nodded at the end of this and folded her hands on her lap.

There was silence for a moment as Giyuu thought about it. Then, quietly, he said, "we can continue. I can't keep running from this forever."

Miko smiled, her head bobbing in agreement. "Alright then, what would you like to talk about?"

(do you know how weird it is writing this because I refer to 'miko' as myself so often 😭)

Giyuu hesitated. "I don't know, could you ask me something about it? I.. I thought you would just ask questions and I had to answer," he admitted. He glanced at Sanemi who gave him a reassuring half smile then looked back at the therapist.

"Of course," she said. "Would you like to dive right in or take it slow?"

(sounds sexual (i'm sorry))

"Just ask anything, I don't know," he said, sighing.

"Okay. May I ask why you did it? Or would you rather keep that for last?" she asked.

"Last, please."

"Absolutely." She paused, appearing to be searching for another question, then said, "Is there anything in the past that still haunts you now?"

Giyuu nodded slowly. "Yes, there is."

"Anything you feel comfortable sharing?" she said, her tone light, letting him do what he wanted.

"I.. I had a sister. Her name was.." Giyuu hesitated. "Nevermind."

Miko nodded encouragingly. "You don't have to share names."

"O..Okay," he mumbled. "So, uhm.. she died from a demon which was.. was when I was 7 or something.. I forget. She was really kind. She.. she protected me from dying by hiding me so the demon wouldn't take me. I saw her die. I saw her get.. get..... Die." Giyuu closed his eyes, his hand entwined with Sanemi's closing tighter.

"Right," she said. "Your sister sounds like a wonderful person!"

"She was," he responded, his eyes still closed. "She was."

Miko's smile tilted. "And is it her death and what you saw that haunts you?" she asked, still talking as if treading on dangerous areas.

"N..Not exactly, no," Giyuu murmured. "More the fact that she died for me.. Because of me. And I couldn't do anything but cry."

Miko glanced at Sanemi who took it as his cue to comfort Giyuu physically. He scooted a little closer and wrapped his arm around Giyuu protectively as the therapist continued to speak.

"But she wanted you to live, no? She saved you because she wanted you to have a good life," Miko said quietly. "Isn't that right?"

Giyuu nodded shakily, opening his eyes and leaning his head on Sanemi's arm. "But I couldn't save her..."

"You were only 7, you were too young to do anything," Miko pointed out. "Children have trouble thinking things through quickly so if you had done something to save her it would've been a surprise. Besides, you had just watched your sister be attacked, anyone, adult, child, teenager, would've been too scared to do anything. Trust me."

Giyuu looked up, his eyes meeting those of the girl who was trying to help him. This woman knew about demons, had she encountered one herself or her family? "Okay," he said, his voice growing stronger now. He'd thought he was too weak to do anything, too cowardly. But if most children were like this, maybe he could forgive himself slightly. "But.. do you think Tsu-.. my sister would've forgiven me? She.. she died a day before her wedding. For me.."

Miko smiled sadly. "She died a day before her wedding to save you because she loved you and cared for you. I have no doubt she would forgive you. She died knowing she was risking her life but she did it for you, and I'm sure she would be happy if you were doing well," she said, sounding like she was reassuring a child. And in a way, she was, because all of these worries had been Giyuu's since he was young. "You're simply overthinking this and the situation you'd been in. But all of the 'what if's' will never come true because that was the past. So let it go and move forward as you are now for your sister and everyone who loved and loves you. How does that sound?"

Giyuu nodded silently. Yes, he supposed thinking it over and over wasn't going to do well.

"Can I ask one more thing before we take a break and move onto Shinazugawa's session?" Miko asked, checking the time.

"Yes, what is it?"

"Was this why you cut?" she said, tentatively again.

"Sort of," Giyuu admitted. "My sister and a friend who also died some years ago. But I remembered something he said while you spoke, and some of what you said applied to him as well.. There was a different reason for that as well, but I don't know if I feel comfortable sharing right now," he said, sighing and leaning against Sanemi.

"I understand. Perhaps you might be more open to next time?" Miko suggested.

"Maybe."

"One last thing before we end your session," she said, tilting her head a bit hesistantly.

"Yes?"

"Can you tell me if you've.. if this time it was a relapse or a first?" she asked. "If you'd rather not say, that's fine, of course.."

Giyuu hesitated for a beat. "Relapse."

Sanemi raised an eyebrow, more concerned than curious. Miko nodded. "I thought so," she murmured, unfolding her hands.

Giyuu nodded back, unsure what to say to that.

"Alright, well, why don't you two stay in here and talk, I'm going to get some tea and come back in about 10 minutes for Shinazugawa's session unless you need more time, sound good?" she suggested, getting up.

Both Hashira nodded and waited until she left before they turned to each other. Sanemi patted his lap and Giyuu went to sit there, wrapping his arms around Sanemi's neck. He kissed him gently, feeling himself relax slightly.

"I didn't know about your sister," Sanemi murmured. "Sorry about her. And the friend."

"'S fine.." Giyuu said, burrowing his face in Sanemi's neck. "Just me thinking too much."

"Right. What.. what was the other reason for your, uh, the cuts," Sanemi asked, not knowing to not ask.

Giyuu looked away for a beat then turned back to his boyfriend. "Partially because I thought I was.. being a bad boyfriend or something. I don't know how to put the other reason in words. I guess I just felt that living was hell or something," he said, sighing.

Sanemi raised his (nonexistent) eyebrows. "Bad boyfriend? Seriously? You've been a wonderful one. If you were being a bad one I would've dumped you already," he said, crushing Giyuu in a hug.

Giyuu gave him a small laugh in return. "Okay, then.. Guess that's solved," he said with a shrug. "Just insecurities, I suppose. Worried I was doing something wrong because I would see you talking to Iguro sometimes and you seemed happy."

"Probably because he's an idiot and it's funny," Sanemi said dismissively. "Iguro's nice and all but he's stupid and head over heels for Kanroji."

Giyuu smiled slightly. "Oh?"

"Yes."

"Mm."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence before Sanemi spoke up again. "I know what you mean when you say that life is like a nightmare. Honestly nothing seems to be getting better," he said with a sigh.

"Really? I never noticed that you thought that.." Giyuu bit his lip. "Sorry for not noticing, I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts an-"

Sanemi cut him off by kissing him, pulling apart a few seconds later. "Shut up, it wasn't like I was putting it on display for the world to see. If I wanted anyone to know I would've made it obvious or shouted it in their face. It's not your fault, Giyuu, I wasn't telling anyone for a reason," he said, in a scolding tone.

Giyuu hung his head. "But.. if I was a good boyfriend I would've noticed even when you were hiding it," he mumbled.

"Giyuu," Sanemi said sternly. "Are you saying I'm bad at hiding this shit? I've been doing it for nearly my whole life I know how to hide it from people who know me best."

Giyuu nodded slowly. "Okay.. Sorry for making this about me, I didn't mean to," he said with a sigh.

"I don't mind. Also, my session hasn't started yet so.. And technically it was supposed to be about you and somehow I made it about me," Sanemi pointed out, rolling his eyes.

"Well it will be about you, now, Shinazugawa," Miko said, balancing three cups off tea in her hands. "Would it be find to start now or do you two want a longer break." She raised her eyebrows at their position and Giyuu quickly scrambled back to his seat.

"No, I think we're fine now," Sanemi said, lifting an shoulder.

"Right, then let's start," she said, putting the cups on the table and sitting down.

(Me wondering if I should continue because it's already 5070 words-)

Sanemi nodded and waited for her to speak, deciding that she would ask questions. Which she did after a moment of silence.

"We can start as we did with Tomioka. Just as I knew with him and everyone else, I've been told one thing that we might want to talk about just as a heads up. I've also been informed of the two of your's relationship, so that might be something you want to talk about.. There's also the recent.. ah, incident with your brother," she said, lowering her gaze for a moment.

Giyuu glanced at Sanemi, confused. Had something happened to Genya? He hadn't noticed—though he had been asleep for most of the time so it might've been that.

"But we can talk about anything else if that's preferable," she said lightly.

"Can we start with Giyuu?" Sanemi asked, his voice tight.

"Sure! What would you like to talk about?" she asked, nodding.

"I don't know," Sanemi sighed.

"Can I ask some questions?" she suggested.

"Yeah, okay."

"Alright. Let's see.. I'm not an expert in relationships, but may I ask how it's going in all?" she said.

"Good," Sanemi and Giyuu responded in unison.

Miko smiled. "I'm glad to hear that. Now, you must've been worried recently from Tomioka's relapse. Do you want to talk about how you've felt recently?"

Sanemi nodded slowly. "Worrying. I wouldn't leave his side cause I thought he would die the second I turned my back," he said, shrugging. Sanemi felt it was easy to speak about all this, somehow. Or maybe he just really wanted to talk to someone about it. "After Genya, I thought that if I didn't watch Giyuu 24/7 he might disappear and just... be gone. Because of me."

"I see," Miko said, her smile fading. "So you felt guilty, somewhat? Also, 'Genya' is your brother, I presume?"

"Yes and yes."

"Alright. And why did you feel guilty? Did you do anything you felt was wrong? And, again, if you don't want to answer any of these questions don't. I want you to be comfortable with talking about it," she said, nodding.

"Okay. And I, uh, I felt like it was my fault Genya.. for what happened to him," Sanemi said, sinking further into his chair. "And when Giyuu relapsed I thought it was my fault too. Somehow."

Giyuu was looking from the therapist to Sanemi and back again. What the fuck happened to Genya? What had he missed. He would say nothing for now but he was going to ask if he didn't get his answer soon.

"I didn't pay enough attention to either of them and.." Sanemi continued. He paused and didn't elaborate.

"Ah, so you feel responsible for them and felt like you failed?" she asked, clasping her hands together.

"Exactly," he said. "That."

"I understand. But you're not going to always be responsible for them. Tomioka is an adult and a Hashira and he has others as well as you and himself taking care of him. You may be his boyfriend but you're not him. And he's responsible for his own actions unless they were forced upon him. Sure, all of us can help each other and you maybe could've helped but we can only do so much and they will only listen as much as they want. And with your brother, he probably would've felt he had to do it and wouldn't have listened if you'd told him not to. And this all already happened. You can't change the past, but you can always learn from it. It's not your fault for other people's decisions, Shinazugawa. You, and Tomioka," she said, turning to Giyuu for a moment, "both need to grasp that. Anything your loved ones or people you do not know, what they do is their own responsibility, not yours. Okay?"

Silence followed this for a long moment for Sanemi sighed and said, quietly, "Alright."

Miko smiled. "Good."

Giyuu, deciding he didn't want to wait till the end of the session said, "What happened to Genya and how come I never heard about this??"

Sanemi paused and stared at him, as if just realizing he was there. "Uhm."

Miko looked startled. "He didn't know?" she asked, surprised.

"No, I never told him because he was already struggling a lot, and I didn't want to worry him," Sanemi admitted, scooting a little further from Giyuu.

Giyuu flinched. "I'm not weak, Sanemi.. And I know how much you care about Genya as much as you pretend you don't. What happened," he demanded, grabbing Sanemi's hand.

"He.." the Wind Hashira started. He looked away. "Genya died, Giyuu. He was killed on a mission. I was on a mission when he died so I didn't recieve his letter until it was too late."

Silence. Giyuu blinked, shock filling his features slowly. Then grief.

"Oh.. I'm so sorry," he whispered, his grip on Sanemi's hand tightening. He got up slowly and hugged Sanemi. "I'm sorry, Sanemi.."

Miko looked away, letting the two whisper to each other. She sipped at her tea, trying to let them have their privacy as Giyuu and Sanemi mourned silently. Then, when the two Hashira got ahold of themselves and turned back to Miko, she spoke again, though her voice was muted, quieter.

"But your brother was a demon slayer," she said, though neither Sanemi nor Giyuu knew what she thought to achieve by saying that so she clarified. "I mean, he devoted his life to killing demons? To save people, correct?"

Sanemi nodded slowly. "But he couldn't use breathing—which is to say he wasn't able to use the breathing forms."

"And yet he still did it, even with this thing holding him back, right?" she murmured.

"Well, yes, but he got himself killed!" Sanemi said, his voice desperate.

"And you can't change that. So maybe instead of listing the things he couldn't do, what about remembering him for what he could do?" she suggested.

The Hashira paused, not having thought of that. Miko smiled.

"Anything else you want to talk about?"

Sanemi shook his head and sank back into his chair, pulling Giyuu down onto his lap and nuzzling him. "Can we end early? I want to go now," he said, sighing.

"Of course." Miko got up and saw the two Hashira out the door, waving as they thanked her and left.

They walked silently, no sort of destination on mind. Both were deep in their thoughts and said nothing.

Sanemi walked with his hand entertwined in Giyuu's, his mind racing. He didn't know what to think, only that as much as he wanted to talk about how he felt, he hated being so open. Yet when he spoke, it was like the words just spilled out of him as willingly as they wanted to be and not by his choice. He worried about Giyuu as well, but besides not knowing about his sister and friend he'd known most of this. Although the fact that he'd done this before was worrying, Sanemi felt as long as someone stayed with Giyuu at all times it would be fine.

Giyuu was mostly thinking about what anything the therapist had said changed. Mostly he'd known all of it subconsciously but had pushed it away, feeling bad for himself. He also still hated living, it was only problamatic and he hadn't even been able to help Sanemi. On the other hand, if he died there would be one less a person to defeat Muzan and Sanemi.. Sanemi wouldn't be able to handle a second death, and so soon. Giyuu would have to wait to die at the hands of a demon, he supposed. As much as he hated this, he hadn't known Sanemi was going through this and even though it was just a fraction of what Sanemi probably was feeling, he felt it opened his eyes more to other people's problems. He would stay for his boyfriend and solely that.

~~~

Giyuu was on a mission. Sanemi followed him—he'd been assigned to this time. Apparently this demon, none of the other people had been able to defeat yet. From what they'd heard, this demon had the ability to show you your fears. Besides the demons, of course. And because of that nobody had defeated it yet.

So they sent a Hashira towards there, deciding another Hashira couldn't hurt to come with. Which was where Sanemi and Giyuu were going now, following the sun as it set. They arrived pretty much as the last rays disappeared behind the hills and the two crept soundlessly across the field, which was open. Convenient.

They continued walking, all of their senses sharp and reacting to the smallest of sounds or movement. Either there was no demon here, or it was good at hiding. Sanemi kept his eye on Giyuu the whole time, watching his movements. Giyuu didn't seem hesitant or scared or anything but calm and ready. Sanemi always admired that about him. Giyuu was probably thinking of hundreds of things but somehow managing to keep up his act and be ready at any moment of danger.

Both Hashira turned instinctively as they sensed someone nearing. They heard before saw a demon approaching them. The demon was large and had metal-like accessories which glinted in the light of the moon. The moon shone behind it so neither Hashira could see anything else before it attacked.

Both demon slayers dodged it, and went in for their own attacks. They succeeded in injuring it and the demon spoke, then, regenerating itself slowly as its eyes flicked from one to the other. "Hashira, hm?" its voice was rough like sandpaper and low. It turned slowly and it's appearence was revealed, the moonlight now framing its body. It had broad shoulders and skin like the sky, a deep dreamy blue.

It's eyes gleamed and suddenly the world around them turned pitch black. Three figures stood out from the darkness—Sanemi, Giyuu, and the demon. They stood there, or floated, it was unclear what was happening. The demon closed its eyes and brought its hands up in front of it, circling them slowly. "Humans are constantly curious, so I suppose you want to know what's happening?" it said, its mouth tilting in a far off sort of smile. "Either you'll get through this or you'll break yourself into pieces and become my prey. You might think you can choose your path, but it's really on what you can manage. One at a time, I think I'll do. You can see each other suffer."

Sanemi tried moving but it was hard to and his body moved slowly as if being held back by something. He looked at Giyuu whose gaze met his, panicked. Sanemi opened his mouth to say something, but no sound came out. He closed it, confused. Was it something about this darkness?

He moved as fast as he could, lunging towards the demon. But the demon was quick and moved away, fast. "Now, now, I can't keep this up as long as I could after I eat you two. Don't move too much it makes it harder for me," it said, batting at Sanemi. It moved as if underwater, drifting slightly. "I'll let you watch your friend here first."

Sanemi's head snapped to were Giyuu floated and he saw his eyes suddenly turning black. He tried shouting, but his voice wouldn't project past his mind and he struggled to get to his boyfriend who suddenly seemed like miles away now.

Giyuu's body went limp, though his hand still clutched his katana. Images started appearing around him, and Sanemi could barely make them out as they flitted past. Then the demon, whose hand was outstretched towards Giyuu, smiled and the images paused on one. It was one of Sanemi. He stood in front of Giyuu, shouting something the actual Sanemi couldn't hear. But he didn't remember this. Maybe this was a fear of Giyuu's as the reports had said about this demon?

Sanemi watched the image of himself say something. Then Giyuu, who's black eyes were fixed upon the hologram. His lip seemed to tremble and he shouted something back, something that didn't reach Sanemi's ears. Then projected Sanemi said something that looked sickeningly like "I hate you" before it disappeared. It was immediately replaced with an image of a girl who looked similar to Giyuu and a boy with peach hair and a clothes with a pattern like GIyuu's haori. Perhaps the friend and sister he'd spoken of.

They said something, glaring at Giyuu whose whole body seemed to shake. Sanemi tried moving closer to him, to put a hand on his arm and comfort him, but the demon didn't like that and kept hissing at Sanemi until he stopped. Giyuu watched the projection with a look of shock and dismay written on his face. He stared as the image was replaced by one of all the Hashira, but they weren't saying anything. They all looked at him with faces of disapproval and they parted to show Kagaya who lay, dead behind them. Giyuu's face contorted with emotion and Sanemi felt his heart break upon seeing this.

The demon was making things up and playing them in front of Giyuu to see if he could get through this emotional turmoil. This wasn't something easily healed, Sanemi realized. As long as it wasn't a mortal wound, physical injuries would heal eventually. Even if you did end up with a scar. But something mental would be a lot harder to get over because there was no exact 'cure' for it.

Giyuu shook as the image disappeared, shaking his head. The new hologram was of all of the Hashira, including Sanemi, the Kamado boy and his sister, the girl who looked like Giyuu and the boy with peach hair, all of them as demons, eating, and hunting people. And then Muzan reaching his arm out to Giyuu, giving him his blood.

The next was of something Sanemi couldn't make out. It seemed like something moving fast. Perhaps a demon. It lunged towards Giyuu and then it went black. The image disappeared and Giyuu's eyes cleared from the black. But his expression didn't. He was crying, now, shaking, and the demon smirked.

"Looks like your friend didn't make it," it murmured. "Wonderful. I've never eaten a Hashira before."

Sanemi shook his head violently and swam as fast as he could towards Giyuu, grabbing his arm when he finally got there. "Giyuu!" he mouthed. But Giyuu wouldn't look at him. He was trembling, too much.

Sanemi's head turned towards the demon, though his eyes were still on Giyuu. Then he ripped his gaze from his boyfriend and turned to the demon who's eyes glinted in the dark. "Your friend is done," the demon said gleefully. "And you're next!"

Sanemi turned to Giyuu who seemed to be drowning though they could breathe perfectly well in this underwater darkness. Then suddenly they were back on the field, the grass swaying in the light wind. Sanemi jerked forward, lunging at Giyuu. But the demon was faster and yanked at Giyuu's arm, pulling him towards it.

The scarred Hashira shook, his hands gripping his katana now tightly. He moved forward but the demon rolled it's eyes and moved away. Either this demon had lost energy doing that black thing where they'd just been, or it was bad at fighting. Or both.

Sanemi felt like he was suddenly able to breathe and the noises around him were amplified after being in the quiet darkness of the void from a minute ago. It made him a bit dizzy and everything seemed especially bright. His gaze was on the demon who had it's arms wrapped around Giyuu.

Giyuu seemed both unconscious and conscious somehow, his eyes blinking widly but his body limp. Then his eyes met Sanemi's and Giyuu mouthed something. Sanemi's eyes widen and he shouted, moving forward. The demon ripped off the Water Hashira's arms off and a bloodcurdling scream erupted from Giyuu, making Sanemi freeze and nearly fall over.

He was trembling as he regained his balance, trying desperately to get to Giyuu. But the demon had plunged his hand into Giyuu's head and he was dead now. Sanemi moved fast, then, only managing to get what was left of Giyuu's haori before he was suddenly in the darkness again.

He turned, achingly slow, and saw the demon eating Giyuu. His fists were clenched tightly around his katana and his breathing was sharp, heavy. He glared, shouting soundless words at the demon, angry. How could it do this. How could the demon eat Giyuu?!

Sanemi moved to try to reach it, but suddenly Genya stood before him. He jerked back, shock filling his features. "Genya?" he asked, breathless. "Genya, I'm sorry, I-"

Genya slapped his brother, hot tears pouring down his cheeks. "You killed me! It's all your fault!"

Sanemi stared. "I didn't kill you, a demon did. I know it was my fault, but I didn't mean for this to happen, I swear! I was paying attention but I was on a mission and I failed. I'm sorry."

"Sorry's are worthless! I'm dead!" Genya screamed.

Something in the back of Sanemi's mind shouted at him. Instinct. This isn't real. If he's dead then he can't speak to you.

Sanemi glared at Genya. "You're not my brother," he said, voice cold.

"You got me killed and now you're claiming we aren't of the same blood??" Genya shouted, incredulously.

"I didn't kill you! And you're not my brother! My brother is dead! He can't talk to me! And he would never say that," Sanemi said, closing his eyes and turning away.

Genya didn't respond and he turned back, his eyes open slightly. But his brother—no, that wasn't his brother—was gone. Instead, Masachika stood there, his mouth usually upturned in a smile was now placed in a frown, his eyes judging Sanemi.

"How dare you go on your life as a Hashira, when I had died. You were just fine without me," Masachika said, his voice low and disapproving.

"I had no choice, it's not like I could just mourn your death! We promised to kill all the demons and I couldn't do that if I was mourning you only. I did care about you! I do! But I can't reverse a death," Sanemi pointed out, raising an eyebrow. "You know that. You told me not to mourn."

"But you could've saved even a little time to mourn me!" Masachika shot back, ignoring the last part. "And you didn't!"

"I did! I fucking did! And I would've done it for longer if I hadn't been called in to the Hashira's meeting!" Sanemi cried out, moving forward. "You can't tell me what to do and what not to do, I don't care you were my best friend, I don't fucking care. I cared deeply for you but you're gone and dead and that won't change so go the fuck away from me, I don't want you in my face."

Masachika scoffed and gave Sanemi one more disappointed look before he turned and walked away, seeming to fade into the distance. Sanemi turned, wanting to leave wherever all of these people were coming from, but was stopped by a crow.

The bird flew up to Sanemi's level and said, loudly, "All of the Hashira have died! You must face Muzan by yourself or the world will end!"

Sanemi's eyes widened. "WHAT?!" he shouted.

The crow nodded. "By yourself! By yourself! Yourself!" it repeated, it's words echoing. It continued and then the crow was gone but the words rang in Sanemi's head.

He had to do it by himself? Then Kyojuro stepped forward, a deep scowl on his face. "You're a disgrace to the Hashira!"

Kanae nodded, disapprovingly, moving next to the Flame Hashira. "Worthless!"

"You should never have been selected into the ranks of a Hashira, or a demon slayer at all. You should've died instead of me!" Masachika shouted.

Tengen agreed, his jewels flashing in the light. "How unflambouyant of you. You should be kicked out!"

The rest of the Hashira murmured their agreement, surrounding Sanemi. Then Giyuu stepped forward, brandishing his katana. "You should've commited seppuku! But you're a coward! And since you're too scared to do it yourself, I'll kill you for your," he decided, his katana suddenly at Sanemi's throat.

"No, what did I do, I didn't do anything!" Sanemi screamed, trying to push Giyuu away. "Giyuu, why.. why would you.."

And then the Hashira and Masachika were gone, replaced by Kagaya who sat at his usual seat. Sanemi stood there, staring. Then he advanced. "Master! I'm sorry, what did I do, I-"

Kagaya lifted a hand. "Because of your foolishness, you got all the Hashira killed. I was the one who chose you in these ranks. I must kill myself. I cannot believe you, Sanemi." He looked up and his expression engraved itself into Sanemi's mind. "You don't deserve to live."

Sanemi fell to his knees and then someone picked him up. He looked up to see Giyuu, smiling. It was an uncanny smile, so unlike Giyuu Sanemi felt sick. Giyuu said, his voice dripping with sarcastic sweetness, "Oh, Shinazugawa. You're such a mess. You know.. maybe we should break up. I decided I like your friend Iguro better. He's so much better than you! He's also way nicer and would treat me 100 times better than you could ever have."

Sanemi shook his head. "No, no! Please! Sorry! I can treat you better than him! Besides, he likes Kanroji!! Giyuu, please, no!"

Giyuu's smile drifted to a smirk. "If I can't have Iguro, then I'll take Kocho. She's always likes me, I know it. And she probably kisses better! Her lips look so sweet and soft~"

Sanemi flinched. "Don't.. don't go to Kocho.. I promise.. I can be better at everything, don't leave me, please don't leave me!"

"Why not? I hear Rengoku is up for grabs. He's much kinder than you who shouts all day." The Water Hashira caressed Sanemi's cheek, in a mock comforting way and infuriated Sanemi. "Or maybe Uzui, I'm sure he has room for a husband~ And he treats his wives so well, unlike you who can't treat one boyfriend good. Anyone but you~"

Sanemi shook his head. "You.. you love me!" he said desperately. "Not them!"

Giyuu gave him a tilted smile. "When did I ever say that?"

"Be- Before you died!" Sanemi whispered. "You said.. You said, 'I'm sorry, I love you!'" He looked up at Giyuu with pleading eyes. "Don't you remember..?"

The Hashira only raised an eyebrow. "Before I died?"

"Yes, you just die.." Sanemi trailed off, a thought occuring to him. "Wait, you just died. How the fuck are you.." He jerked away, pushing Giyuu off of him. "Who are you? You're not Giyuu!"

Then the person gave him a look of disgust and disappeared.

Sanemi turned, and saw the demon there again. He was back in the darkness. His head spun. What had just happened? What was happening? The demon wasn't looking at him, it was turned away eating something. Giyuu. It was eating Giyuu. Sanemi felt sick to the stomach but he just looked away, everything that just happened processing in his mind.

How had he just been talking to Giyuu if he was dead? And he'd talk to other people to who had died. How had he done that? None of this made sense to him, and he clutched his head in his hands, confused. Then he remembered how Giyuu had died. He'd seen Giyuu floating in front of the images of people. Some of the people Sanemi figured had been Giyuu's sister and friend—both who had died. Had he really just been seeing fake things the whole time? Was it those images again?

He turned back to the demon whose eyes were on Sanemi.

"Damnit.. I guess one Hashira is enough for today, though," the demon muttered to itself. "Alright, well, bye," it said.

Sanemi dropped suddenly and found himself on the grass again. His ears popped at the sudden sounds and he struggled to get back to standing. He looked up and saw the demon leaving. "Hey! Where are you going!" he shouted, following quickly.

"I don't know how to fight and I already used too much energy on keeping you in the void, so if you'd rather not get hurt you should probably go. By the way, you friend was actually good energy, I should eat more Hashira," it said, mostly to itself now.

"I don't give a fuck about getting hurt, I'm going to kill you!!" Sanemi screamed, letting tears flow down his cheeks as he moved to attack.

"Try what you want, I'm not a good fighter but I have speed on my side," the demon said, its metal accessories shining in the light.

"Well I have both!" Sanemi gritted out, pivoting to turn to the demon which stood behind him.

"Good for you. But you're still human so-" the demon started. Sanemi cut it off quite literally, managing to strike its shoulders. "Fuck, I missed," he sighed.

"Ooh, that was good. One second, let me regenerate," the demon said, running off.

Sanemi shot after it, slashing his katana the best he could towards the demon. It really was exceptionally fast. Why wouldn't it fight, though? Demons were naturally strong, so what was the point.

The demon stopped suddenly, not seeming to have noticed Sanemi yet. The Hashira took the chance to jump up, landing on top of the demon which struggled under him. He brought down his katana, fast, and cut the demon's head off. He sighed, defeated, and watched the demon disintigrate.

"Fuck you," he snapped, glaring at what remained of the demon. "Go to hell."

The demon rolled its eyes. "Whatever."

Sanemi walked back, finding himself back to where he'd been when Giyuu died. He moved in the grass and sank to his knees, staring at the spot where Giyuu had been held by the demon. Sanemi mouthed the words again, the words Giyuu had tried to say before he died. "I'm sorry. I love you."

He looked down, wiping at his eyes. He didn't want to cry. He spotted the bit of Giyuu's haori that he'd managed to grab earlier in the grass. He darted forward and picked it up carefully, as if it was made out of glass. He stared at it, and it wasn't until a tear dropped onto the fabric that he realized he was crying.

Giyuu was gone. Giyuu was gone because Sanemi hadn't been fast enough.

He turned and looked over to the horizen, his heart sinking. "I'm sorry I didn't save you," he murmured. He looked down at the piece of fabric and buried his face into it. It still smelled like Giyuu, though the irony smell of blood was tangled in it as well. "I love you, Giyuu."

~~~

Sanemi placed the flowers in the vase, staring at them. They were a mix of flowers that constantly reminded him of Giyuu because they had been the ones he'd given him on their first date. He sighed and turned away, picking up the last piece of Giyuu he had left of him. The haori remained as it had the day Giyuu died; he hadn't wanted to wash it. He placed it next to the flowers alongside a picture of Giyuu he'd found amongst his things.

He looked away right after, willing himself not to cry. Crying was weak. He didn't want to cry.

Sanemi walked out the door and down the path, letting his crow show him the way. He knocked on the butterfly mansion's door, and Shinobu opened it, a pitiful smile playing on her face.

"Hello, Shinazugawa. Come for your check-up?" she asked.

Sanemi nodded. A mission he'd had after the one with Giyuu had gotten him injured due to being distracted. Shinobu had told him to come for a last check up today to ensure that the wound was healed and see if it would last as a scar.

He stepped inside and Shinobu closed the door. They walked down the hall silently and she eventually escorted him into a room. Sanemi sat down dutifully, his mind blank. He'd been going mostly on autopilot for the last few weeks. He felt numb and anything that happened had to be told to him to do, because he felt he couldn't make his own decisions without Giyuu.

This had been obvious because whenever someone suggested he did something, whenever someone told him to do something, he always did it whether or not he wanted it. He continued going to the therapist woman every two weeks because it had been recommended for him, but whenever he went he would make sure the session ended early because he wanted to leave her sad gaze. He wanted to leave the eyes of Obanai which stayed on him.

He'd picked Obanai to be with him during the sessions simply because Obanai had offered. He didn't care about anything anymore. Sanemi just wanted to be with Giyuu again but he willed himself not to die because he knew Giyuu would hate it.

Shinobu tapped on a cup, bringing him back to the present. "Shinazugawa. Stop with the long face," she ordered. "Yes, Tomioka-San died. Yes, none of us like it. And yes, we're all sad about it. But you're a Hashira for fucks sake, pull yourself together! It's been weeks. We all die eventually. Just think about it differently and stop moping around or you'll get yourself killed." She placed her hands on her hips and glared at Sanemi through her bangs. "Fuck, just let yourself break down, but show some emotion! You're being overly dramatic. Kanae died, but I had to keep going. All of us have had someone we know who died. It's not fucking easy but neither is acting like you are. Stop it."

Sanemi looked at her blankly, not wanting to listen. She sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Look, I know you cared for Tomioka dearly—we all did. And I'm sorry that we can't bring him back. But you and I know that doing this would make him sad—and don't deny it I saw how in love he was with you. So stop being a bitch and look around! The world hasn't changed! One person died, and yes he was dear to us, but the world isn't going to stop for him! Just keep going until the end, you'll make it through, but you have to do it," she said, tapping her foot on the ground impaitently. "You're acting so fucking obedient it's annoying. I swear, I'm going to slap the shit out of you if you don't open your eyes."

Sanemi blinked, scooting back slightly at the last part. Shinobu smirked. He rolled his eyes. "What?"

"Scared?"

"No! Your slaps hurt, okay?" he huffed. He crossed his arms then turned to her, in sudden shock.

Shinobu had a triumphant glint in her eyes. "So you can be human again! Finally! I thought you would never break that stupid façade of yours."

Sanemi sighed. "Fine. But I've not gotten over any of this. If I promise to stop, uh, what did you call it?"

"Moping around?" she suggested.

"Yes, that, whatever. If I stop just, promise to stop bothering me?" he asked.

"Promise," she said, smiling.

"Then I'll stop." Sanemi got up. "Not hurry up and check me or I'm going to just leave."

"Alright, alright," Shinobu said, amused.

She turned her back to Sanemi, searching through the draws for what she needed. Sanemi would need some help going along—they all would. When a Hashira died, nobody was happy. None of them were happy when anyone died, of course, but the Hashira were more like family than just a group of people. Shinobu smiled sadly to herself. She would help Sanemi through this. After all, she had been somewhat close to Giyuu. Supporting Sanemi would help herself as well, she figured.

She turned back, constructing her expression to a happy one. "Now, let me see if you've acquired yourself another scar."

{Word count: 10,385}

Not this taking way too long to write 😬

I think this was originally vent writing but it might've been something else—I forget :>

..this turned out a lot longer than I realized it would be lmao..

Also credits to my sister for thinking of the demon at the end bc she was the one who had the idea of the BDA- kinda wanna make the demon into an OC now..

OKAY UHMMMMMMM FINALLY I CAN SAY BYEEEEE 😭!!

BYE YOU DEMONIC LOVELY PEOPLE<33

#sanegiyuu #long ass post #demon slayer #kny #kimetsu no yaiba #angst #sillyness #giyuu #sanemi #tomioka #kny gets therapy finally #d e a t h s #genya #tw sh #shinobu #random oc #random tags>>>>>#more random tags

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the-head-ancho-chilli · 2 years

Text

The Hashira and their Sense of Humor

Apologies for the hiatus! A lot has happened over the last couple of months and I'm finally getting some of them (somewhat) resolved through therapy and A LOT of patience with myself. So here's a post that I written back in October that brings me so much joy! Thank you all for your patience ^^

Word count: 2k~

Mitsuri Kanroji

You know those types of people who want to tell you a really funny story but they need to stop laughing first?

And they've been laughing for the past fifteen minutes?

Yeah that's Mitsuri

I'm not entirely sure what to categorize this either than comedic storytelling

She could probably be a standup comedian too, she has some good stories to tell

But Mitsuri is really in her element when when someone else is telling a mildly amusing story

She will just keep adding onto it to somehow make it even more funnier than it was originally intended

Misturi could make an inside joke between you guys too, she is the designated funny friend of the Hashira

I also feel like she sometimes makes self-deprecating jokes, but not on any serious topics

Like she enjoys poking fun at the fact that she's still single

For an example, Mitsuri and Shinobu could be making an order at a restaurant for lunch

By the time Mitsuri finishes her first round of food and hands the dishes to the waiter, she accidentally drops them causing all the plates and bowls to shatter all over the floor

She tries to help clean up but the staff insists that she shouldn't worry about it

Sitting back down with Shinobu, cheeks red from embarrassment, Mitsuri will crack an awkward smile and say "Yeah, this is why I'm still single!"

Obanai Iguro

Obanai is the most sarcastic motherfucker on this list

I feel like his number one policy is "Don't ask me stupid questions"

He's already annoyed like 70% of the time, just don't annoy him even more

But then again...

"Hey Obanai, did you lose this?" "No I was just playing hide and seek with an inanimate object for fun, YES I fucking dropped it"

"You look really tired, are you doing okay?" "Hell yeah, nothing says healthy like eye bags as dark as my hair"

"Can I pet your snake?" "Yeah you just gotta let him nibble you first but don't worry, he's only venomous"

Usually he's kinda rude about it but he does have his nice moments

"Hey Obanai, can you pass me that?" Obanai will just say no but hand and just hand it to you anyways

Some people just don't understand sarcasm all the time and that's when he kinda runs into some trouble

Obanai and Kyojuro were walking to a meeting together, but Obanai had forgotten his jacket AND haori

It was quite chilly outside too, so poor Obanai was shivering while trying to keep Kaburamaru warm

Kyojuro asked Obanai "My friend, winter is coming! Aren't you cold?"

Obanai deadpanned and said "Of course not, I'm just practicing my acting. Glad to see that my shivering is that convincing"

"How interesting! Maybe you should audition for a play at the theatre!"

Obanai's annoyance kept him warm for the rest of the day

Tengen Uzui

Quite an obvious statement, but Tengen’s humor mainly comprises of sex jokes and innuendos

The man has three wives, of course he would find that shit funny

Like he will be in the middle of a meeting, and everyone will line up to receive some gifts from Kagaya

He will say "Come in a straight line, my students"

Tengen will chuckle and say "That's what she said"

Tengen is also the type to be "gay with the homies" and loves to embarrass Sanemi and Obanai by making jokes about being in love or hooking up with them

He chooses specifically those two because it felt awkward to make the jokes to Gyomei

Tengen once spent forty-five minutes explaining to Kyojuro that he didn't actually want to buy him dinner after Kyojuro gave him a genuinely offended look to the highest degree

"How deceitful of you, Tengen"

He pretty much wrote off saying jokes like that to Kyojuro following that incident, but he really can't help himself sometimes

I don't think that Tengen solely has generic innuendos he uses on everyone, he likes testing what SPECIFIC category of sex jokes makes people uncomfortable

Like if Giyu goes to the bathroom, Tengen will saunter up with a finger gun on his chin and ask "Pissing all by yourself, handsome?"

Everyone is throwing their shoes at him

Sanemi Shinazugawa

Of course this sadistic bastard likes slapstick, what we’re you thinking?

He may be good at holding in a laugh, but you can still see that stupid smirk on his face if anyone stumbles

One time Tengen's six foot ass fell face first while running late to a meeting

Sanemi actually struggled to keep his composure that day, he had to bite his lips together to hide the uncontrollable grin on his face

People getting smacked upside the head, tripping others, people getting violently angry, Sanemi loves it all

He refuses to admit that Zenitsu is funny

Now a regular civilian is one thing, but children getting roughed up is another

there was a particular incident where Sanemi had come across some kids swinging on a tree branch near a market he occasionally visited

This week ass branch definitely didn't have the strength to hold up any of those kids

So Sanemi did what any sane person would, and stuck around to watch this disaster happen

Well unfortunately for this one child, the branch snapped mid-swing and fell right on their face

And there was Sanemi, a hand over his stomach from laughing at these dumb kids

He didn't even stop to help them or anything, just calmed down from laughing so hard and walked away to continue shopping

Shinobu Kocho

An absolute queen of insult humor

Even Sanemi can’t beat Shinobu at her best

Do you even think she would stick with the basic ass jokes? Of course not

She can be an absolute menace if she really wants to

Shinobu is just tired of everyone's shit, and she can get even more exhausted from putting on that smile nearly as much as Kyojuro

She just can't keep up

Which brings me to my main point, which is that Shinobu's funny side usually comes out in rants or vents with the people closest to her

She and Mitsuri both express their humor by storytelling, Shinobu's just originates more from anger an annoyance rather than an effort to be entertaining

Regardless of who Shinobu's around, everyone can tell that when she walks through the door with steam coming out of her ears, everyone's gonna be laughing their asses off

As anyone can agree if they've worked in any form of customer service, there are some days where you are so damn close to breaking your cool

When Tengen got placed in the Butterfly Estate's infirmary, Shinobu was actually going to kill a patient instead of saving them for once

Like this man was just demanding shit and teasing his friend left and right, and Aoi had never been so afraid of her mentor in her entire life

Aoi tried to calm her down, "Sticks and stones Shinobu, don't let him get to you!"

Tengen only snickered

Ooooo, she lost her shit

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but PLEASE. FUCK. OFF"

Angy Shinobu is best Shinobu

Kyojuro Rengoku

Look me in the eyes and tell me Kyojuro doesn’t like puns

I know you can't do it

He will howl with laughter nearly every time you tell him a pun

"Hey Kyo, you're never gonna believe it! Remember my friend with a bakery? Well it just burned down!"

At first he'll show genuine concern, politely shouting "How unfortunate!"

"Don't worry about it, his business is toast"

Give him a minute...

"Ahahaha! Good one!"

Not only does he like being told puns, but if he has a good opportunity to tell a well timed pun he will not stop giggling until he tells it

One time you, Tengen, Mitsuri, and Kyojuro were all trying to decide where to eat after a long day of work

At one point Tengen suggested hotpot, even offering to take you all to one that Makio and Suma liked

Kyojuro tried muffling his laughing, but his attention was redirected when you asked him what he thought of the idea

Finally able to cease his giggles, Kyojuro proudly shouted "SOUPER"

It doesn't matter if you find the joke funny or not, Kyojuro's laughter is so contagious that you're dying at the silly pun

What a fucking dork <3

Giyu Tomioka

If there was a form of comedy that’s applicable at any given moment, Giyu would use it on a daily basis

Luckily for him, Giyu discovered it very quicky and refuses to let the tactic go

That's right, Giyu is physically incapable of stopping himself from making a "your mom" joke

Everyone can blame Obanai for that one

Quite literally at any opportunity, Giyu will mutter the phrase under his breath

Unfortunately, because it has become such an unconscious thing for Giyu, this bad habit of his ends up kicking his ass at the worst of times

with all due respect to Giyu's efforts, it just makes him unintentionally funny

in an awkward way

Giyu visited one of his favourite restaurants on his day off, the waiter asked "Is there anything else you would like, sir?" after giving his order

Now Giyu didn't mean it, he really didn't

It just slipped out of his mouth so easily

"Your mom"

Let me tell you, the silence was absolutely deafening

After the two stared at each other in mutual confusion, Giyu just wordlessly left due to the sheer embarrassment and awkwardness he had caused

He tried to go back, truly, Giyu made the effort and walked through the door

But he made uncomfortable eye contact with that same waiter and walked out

He hasn't gone back to that restaurant since ;,)

Gyomei Himijima

I have already established in my Gyomei Headcannons post that Gyomei is the dad friend of the Hashira (go check out that post if you haven’t btw ^^)

So of course he's going to make dad jokes, everyone saw this coming

God forbid you ever complain around him, he will see it as an opportunity (usually)

"Man, I'm really hungry" Gyomei will hand you a bento box and say "Hi hungry, I'm prepared

He is THAT GUY that makes "I haven't seen you since last year!" jokes

Every single year without fail

Shockingly, Gyomei and Kyojuro will bond over their mutual love for super corny jokes

One time while training Genya, Gyomei asked him "Child, what is long and sticky?"

Genya paused his routine to think for a moment, slightly disturbed by the question

"I don't know what you- fresh mochi?" Gyomei shook his head

Genya made a claw gesture with his hands, knowing Gyomei couldn't see it

"No idea, what's long and sticky?"

Gyomei gave a small, sly smile before responding

"A stick, little one"

To be honest, Gyomei's jokes do annoy some of the Hashira whenever he makes them (mainly Shinobu, Obanai and Tengen)

Normally because he's so calm about it

Tengen usually is one to lose his temper over it though

"You really got a joke for about everything, huh?" "Indeed I do, Tengen. I even have one about construction"

Tengen's eye will twitch as he taunts Gyomei "Oh yeah? Well let's hear it then!"

"I'm afraid I can't, my friend. I'm still working on it"

Kyojuro's laugh echoes throughout the meeting as Tengen realizes he most definitely walked into that one

Muichiro Tokito

His sense of humor is weird

That’s all I have, anything that Muichiro finds funny is actually kinda strange

He does this thing where he will go in with a fistbump, but change it to a high five last second

Muichiro can do it the other way around too, but regardless it results in this silly fist-five thing that makes him chuckle

He's a little bit of a devious child so his sense of humor kinda comes from whatever will annoy the other Hashira

Sometimes he will sit in the middle of a meeting and just blow raspberries while spacing out a little

It annoys the fuck out of Sanemi and Obanai because Muichiro's spit gets EVERYWHERE

Even Giyu thinks that kid comes with his own splash zone

He's not one for pranks per say, but he likes reaping a bit of terror amongst the other Hashira

One time Muichiro stole Tengen's red eyeliner one weekend purely for entertainment

the next day when everyone showed up to the meeting, people got to witness a very distressed Tengen

Holding up Sanemi and Obanai midair by the collar of their shirts, Tengen interrogated the both of them where they hid his shockingly expensive liner

Of course no one would suspect the slobbering kid, who was inconspicuously blowing raspberries

Had anyone asked Muichiro if he saw Tengen's liner, Muichiro would turn to the fuming man and giggle

Secretly, Aoi is Muichiro's unknowing accomplice in these scenarios

"Here Aoi, could you hold this for a while?" "Uhh, sure? What is it for?" "Hmm? Oh nothing..."

Don't underestimate this little shit

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Hey y’all! Hope you liked this post, it was such a pleasure to write it ^^

I’m hoping that now I’ll be able to write more for this blog now that I have more time, and I have more posts lined up in the future :)

Ask box and requests are still open, just please read the rules before submitting anything!

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