#same thing applies if my wordings confusing and i need to clarify something. its like 2am so this might not be explained very well | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rebo-chan · 8 months ago

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Aaah!! First of all, thank you for getting back to me!! I hope you don't mind if I go point by point, providing my input/elaboration on them. If you're okay with this being a discussion, of course!! I love this kind of thing, analysis is what I do on my blog and I think it's always fun to discuss. And just so it's out there between us , I have finished KHR in its entirety!! I rewatch and read it almost on the weekly actually, and I've been here since I was very young as I'm sure a lot of us have been in our very ancient fandom haha. With that being out of the way, let's get started!! Putting this in a cut due to its length.

"I would define your terms for "pride" and "wrath" a bit more, because they seem to change throughout your analysis. Specifically, what is wrath? Is it an innate quality about Xanxus, is it how he responds to things, is it a stand-in word for his complex over being heir?"

So, for this point, I'm using the Shimon definition of the word pride. Yes, different arc but I personally believe that the definition that this is the definition that Amano uses even all the way back during Varia arc in regards to Squalo and Yamamoto. Pride is just an great pleasure/satisfaction in one's achievements or possessions. During Shimon, Amano identifies that even further that they derive their pride from something they cannot give up on. I'll clarify it here briefly and go into later on a further point since I know you said something further down about this. But, present day Xanxus certainly hasn't given up on the position of Vongola X. I think we agree, definitely not in Varia arc. Shimon arc, he refuses to come to Tsuna's inheritance.

Then as well in rainbow arc, he's pretty pissed about the idea of teaming up with Tsuna.

I talked about towards the end of my post that by Future arc, it does seem like his 'wound' has healed up enough to not be so easily provokable by outsiders. But, I definitely think he still needs time in the present timeline! To answer your other question in regards to his wrath, you're definitely right I didn't explain Xanxus's wrath well enough as I was mostly focused on HOW it makes him move as a character since it seems to be his driving force. (It's virtually impossible to make Xanxus move otherwise, and moments where he acts without his rage/wrath are few and far between that it makes the characters themselves confused. Such as when he accepted being Mammon's representative!) To answer your question though, I do think that his rage is an innate part of him that governs how he reacts to events in his life. His motivator :) It serves to urge him to foster that 'complex' about being Vongola X, through Varia arc.

On the same note, using "pride" to describe Xanxus when it was never intended for him can be a bit confusing. I understand that you are linking this analysis to the Shimon Family, but sometimes using unrelated terminology can jack up your analysis, especially when the term is used differently with a closely related character. (Squalo!)

So, I think every character is capable of pride, I was saying in my analysis how the phrase "Pride" presents itself with Xanxus, using that same Shimon Terminology. That being said, I do think Squalo still applies to the Shimon terminology too as Shimon is just taking the definition and applying it to Tsuna (and his companions) even though Squalo had it first. I think we can safely say "Something you can't give up" is very much a Squalo-coded statement, as he's the embodiment of this word in the series. The person who represents what it's like, the positives of it, and the negatives of it. Specifically in relation to his foil, Yamamoto, who cannot seem to fully engulf himself in either his baseball or his swordfighting. Unable to choose what he can't give up on and wanting both, when he can't have both. I think a good way to look at it is Shimon gives us our definition, Squalo embodies it, Xanxus and Tsuna use it as motivations (Using it differently as their prides are separate things). Xanxus's use of his pride is what I was looking at here. I applied what Amano did for Tsuna for Xanxus!! Of course, though this is good to know as I can be more concise in my post about what I'm trying to say. But I hope this helps make things a little more clearer on my end.

Xanxus is told from the very get-go that he is destined to be Vongola X, by his mother. He has the name with two X's, born on 10/10, with a Sky flame from a young age. Falling into Nono's care is more of a confirmation of those assumptions.

Absolutely agree here! I think the part you're highlighting here in my own post is about me saying that Xanxus was fooled into believing he was his son. (Of course feel free to correct me if I'm wrong?) Which I think it was both things in this case. It was his mother who told him he had to be the Ninth's son, because of all the things you mentioned. (Poor Xanxus, I think I'd be pissed too if the universe pointed me in all those directions and then just didnt let me win ERKHNAH) I think we were just looking at it from different angles (If I'm correct that this is the part you're highlighting).

Xanxus' "wrath" does not begin after the betrayal, it's a quality about him that he's always had.

Okay, this is something I definitely could have worded better on my part. I do think he's likely always been an angry person, I definitely don't believe he was an angel prior to the betrayal. The scenes we do see show more of an arrogance and haughty behavior with him refusing to sit at the same table as other family boss candidates. The wrath I'm referencing here is the wrath that pushes him to do what he does for the coup and the ring conflict, till he finally cools. (god bless xanxus, it took you over 8 years king.) It's this specific wrath or rather the reason FOR this outburst that causes the dominoes that lead to our canon events. THAT started after betrayal. But omg yeah, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to make him out to be some angel pre-betrayal.

You say early on that Squalo is drawn to the "Lions Den" of Xanxus because he is the Ninth's son, and then later say he is drawn to his rage and not his position of Vongola X. Which is it?

Ahh, about this, what I typed in my post was, "It's here, his wrath introduces him to Squalo who walks into the lion's den (or at least someone he had believed to be a Vongola Lion) wanting to see where that anger led him. Squalo, the series embodiment of the word 'Pride'. Eager to prove that Xanxus, who he believed to be the Ninth's son, he would be a valuable ally to." The comment about him believing to be the Ninth's son wasn't me trying to say that he is Xanxus's ally because he's the ninth's son but rather a comment on the fact that he was fascinated that the someone like the Ninth's son would radiate such rage and he wanted to see what he was going to do with all that anger. Then, Squalo's own desire to prove himself in order to keep watching Xanxus and see where this leads is what further pushes him to become a valuable ally for him. He's strictly following his rage! I also wanted to draw a parallel that Xanxus had everyone convinced, even his most loyal Captain and I later went on to say that it was lucky for Xanxus though that Squalo never truly cared about his blood, but rather his rage and so he stuck around even after finding out the truth. Also, I believe in that very scene where Squalo swears to Xanxus, he calls him son of a noble or heir ("Onzoushi") so I was referencing that as well!

The sentence: "his wrath made him chase after his pride." I don't think this is entirely accurate. Sure, his rage made him form a revenge plot after being betrayed, but "being Vongola X" is just something he needs to be because it's what he needs to be.

Hmm.. See here I wonder if we're saying the same thing, just said in different ways. I identified pride as something you can't give up, so in a way it's a need. Just like Squalo can't give up the sword and Tsuna can't give up his friends. Xanxus ALSO can't give up the position of Vongola X. These are all needs for them all. They all fully believe that that sword, tsuna's friends, and the position of Vongola X are all needs for them. It's not negotiable for them. So, I guess what I'm trying to say his that Xanxus's wrath refuses to let him let go of Vongola X because his wrath is how he reacts to the world and the position is his "need"/"something he can't give up" and he's seeing someone trying to take it away from him hence his reaction. Tsuna reacts very similarly to when HIS pride is being taken away from him (Shimon arc). Plots to find Yamamoto's attacker and everything.

Cradle affair = putting your baby to sleep.

OKAY, I said soothing to draw that connection that Xanxus was having a temper tantrum. Rage is typically depicted as red hot and I kinda look at the ice as "cooling" that hence the soothing as a reference to the Ninth freezing him to cool off this fire that had started within Xanxus that he could not put out by regular means. (As in talking to his son) Due to Xanxus's actions up to that point forcing his hand, "Iemitsu told me not to kill you, but I don't have a choice anymore". But ultimately not being able to, because that's his son and instead opting for the freezing "Soothing" or "Putting him to sleep". Arguably, a crueler option but the situation was cruel in the first place. I think the idea is the same though, and represents that messy parent-child theming that The Ninth and Xanxus have going on. I do sometimes use the putting him to sleep part of it as Xanxus is referenced pretty often as having "woken up" from the ice. It just so happened that I ended up using the soothing side of things and just a different point in the line of soothing your child then putting them to sleep.

Xanxus does not care about the benefits of being Vongola X. It's about being the thing he was supposed to be and proving himself.

Simple explanation here for this one! "He again WAS proud to be his son, either that's from the benefits that being the heir for Vongola X brought or out of some genuine familial love." I wasn't trying to say that he likes the prestige or whatever else come from being Vongola X, I was trying to say that he's proud that he's the Ninth's son whether that's because he gets to be the heir and the benefit being that he will have fulfilled everything his life led up to or if it's from genuine familial is up for interpretation. It's hard to say frankly and up to interpretation. So, we agree here, just some iffy wording on my part. Really sorry!!

You entertain that Tsuna is "almost" the opposite of Xanxus, but you were on the right track there! Tsuna IS a purposeful narrative foil to Xanxus.

Another simple explanation here, omg embarrassing first of all I want to say I know that Tsuna is his foil!! ahh!!! Wasn't trying to say almost as in I didn't know that, but rather almost as in the fact that are connected by their forced life paths (Tsuna being forced to do this, Xanxus being forced to accept he is not able to) isn't a parallel that is pointed out excessively in the text as much as the other parts of them being narrative foil (Xanxus's wrath versus Tsuna's gentle nature being one of the bigger ones). It's just not something that's super present in the text itself, and something I simply noticed and made a connection of my own accord. I try to point out when I was simply making conclusions about this text rather than saying this was a real theme that Amano was trying to express. Hence the almost!

Biggest disagreement I have by a long shot - please reassess the Rain Battle. Look at how Xanxus reacts to himself versus in front of others. This scene specifically is so indicative of Xanxus' character that leaving it as "he's happy that his secret is safe," is disastrous for your analysis. The biggest question you can ask yourself when analyzing Xanxus' behavior is: WHO IS WATCHING?

This is really interesting to me. But first let me explain, I do not think its just as simple as "he's happy his secret is safe" but rather Xanxus's past by this point in the story plagues him and Squalo is another part of that. He wants to erase himself of his past because well, it's all humiliating to him. This includes Squalo's involvement in it. Before I continue, I should make it clear I do like XS very very much so haha. I'm very obsessed with their relationship in context to the canon. They've got SOMETHING going on, and I want to be drowned in more of it. Judging by what you said, I do wonder if you think he is somehow faking his reaction there. I do not believe this actually (But again, I'm open for discussion about it.) Do I think Xanxus cares about Squalo? By this point, it's complicated. By Rainbow? Yes. I think Xanxus during this arc is so swallowed up in everything that's going on, his allies are coming second to his goal. His wrath and his dedication to achieving his goal (his "pride") have drowned him to the point where I believe he is looking at Squalo and going "Good riddance, another part of my past is gone" Because by Varia arc, Squalo IS likely a painful reminder for him. It's Squalo holding onto him here with the intensity of "You can't get rid of me. I know you." Xanxus is angered by this, because he is ISOLATING himself from everything related to this past. He's so angered by this he yells out at Squalo asking him what he knows about him, because how dare you pretend to know anything? It's then Squalo reveals that he knows. And Xanxus is forced to rely on the very people he's been ignoring the entire ring conflict, his allies, to help him for the rest of the fight. In general, I believe that Xanxus is different from pre-ice from post-ice.

As you can see here, Squalo just wants all of this to be over with. He'll win his match (or so he thinks) they win, they resolve all this and go back to whatever normal was for them. There seems to be a switch up from Xanxus's regular actions here for Squalo to call it a "game". So, yeah I don't really think Xanxus necessarily faked anything. I think that was a moment to see how cruel he was, and he's a part of Varia they're not exactly known for having tender hearts. In general, I also think he DOES tend to wear his emotions out on his face. His hurt is quieter than his anger, I will say that. But when he cares, I believe it shows on his face.

In that last image, you can see he's definitely not pleased to hear Timoteo see that. When he cares, he's quiet. When he's angry, he has outbursts. He's even obvious when he's being suspicious, as evidenced by Reborn realizing that he was up to something after the mist battle and the cloud battle.

Reborn could tell Xanxus's response meant something he had up his sleeve (even though he incorrectly guessed what it was). He can see clearly that this confidence is coming from somewhere. As well as Xanxus's more boisterous moments as he presented himself in the Rain battle, he's very open to going "I'm excited." on other occasions.

The context clues we are given about his character seem to reflect someone manipulative sure, but only in the context of achieving his goals. Otherwise, whatever he feels, he shows it on his face or through his body language and it's a huge negative emotion he channels it into rage as that's his way of expressing these sorts of things. This ends up leading me to believe that was a genuine reaction. Then, throughout the story, he does slowly grow closer to Squalo and his other allies. He considers them more, is willing to help them, and shows himself to get rattled a little bit when something happens to them. "Get up, shitty shark." The most obvious example of this, as well as him helping Mammon, and relieving Mammon's anxiety by telling them that they're going to win. Again, I'm interested to see why/what scenes indicate this mask/performance he's putting on. What scenes indicated that that is the kind of person he is? That he cares that someone is watching and not the brazen person who doesn't need bonds I'm watching? I have always believed he is intended to parallel Tsuna here as his foil, showing someone who cannot forget his own goals enough to show mourning for the death of his most loyal subject. A battle earlier, Tsuna's version of this occurred where he told Gokudera that it doesn't matter to him if he wins or loses as long as he comes back alive. That's the kind of Xanxus I see, and I think it's fine personally if he forgets his ally during this time because his character growth is so important because of that. To go from this to telling Raisel that the Vongola stand united ten years later? A peak into the growth that he goes through? To back to the present, where we see him stand up to help Mammon, to get rattled by Squalo dropping against him? A quietness hitting him unlike in the Rain battle. It's really fascinating for me to observe, and it shows that he has thought about his actions enough to change in the next three arcs. I hope this doesn't come across badly ;w; I am genuinely curious on your side of things.

Xanxus "ever accepting who he is" is not inconclusive. Just wondering, did you ever finish the manga? I don't want to spoil you, LOL! There are also bits in the TYL Arc that you mention that back this up. Would someone still hung up on their blood tell a complete stranger that there's nothing inferior about it?

So, I already clarified further up that I did indeed finish KHR. So going back past that, I don't believe that Xanxus is any way upset about not actually being Vongola. What I think he doesn't accept is his inability to become Vongola X. At least in the present arc, as I sent further up, he refuses to go to Tsuna's inheritance ceremony. He refuses to team up with Tsuna, until he has to at the end of at the arc, where Tsuna approaches him with a serious request to help and he reacts appropriately. He is growing towards the Xanxus that would never let an outsider attack the Vongola even if he disagrees with how things are currently running.

Should also be noted that he tells Tsuna that he'll leave and won't team up with him if he does not get his way. He's still very much petty and not at all respecting Tsuna's supposed "authority" as Vongola X. But yeah, in his eyes who cares that he doesn't have Vongola blood? He isn't inferior any less than the others who do, especially when it comes to sheer strength. He's powerful, and he knows it. That still doesn't get him the Vongola X position though. I agree with you though that he's over the bloodline/mix breed distinction.

I personally don't think Xanxus still wants the Vongola X position in the TYL Arc, but that's just up to interpretation!

Definitely, definitely! I can't say for sure, because the line he gives is "I want the Vongola at its strongest, not because I couldn't kill him, but because the Vongola has to be at its strongest" Now, is he saying here that he'll take the Vongola from Tsuna when the time is right? Or is he saying that under Tsuna, the Vongola is at its strongest? It is never made clear and honestly likely left vague on purpose. For as much information as Future arc gave us, it never gave us enough to draw proper conclusions about things which is good because that's more digging for us for the few clues we do get. Safe to say though, even TYL, Tsuna's very presence is enough to set Xanxus off.

I said before in my post that the wound has healed a little bit for Xanxus, but what that really means is that it just takes a little bit longer for him to explode.

Personally, I also like the interpretation that he eventually agrees to not become Vongola X as I think that's fun sdkjgns and I'm clearly very Tsuna-biased. I just didn't want to put that in my post because I couldn't say it in good faith that that's the case!

And finally, as a big sweeping statement, you analyzed Xanxus how he would want to be analyzed. There is a ridiculously important factor about his character that you didn't touch on because of this.

So, I think this is interesting because I don't really believe I painted Xanxus in that good of a light in my original post, I'm curious to see what you mean here. On my end, I called his wrath a weakness, I said he was having a temper tantrum, and that he can't accept at least during Varia arc that he isn't getting the position. So, I'm not quite sure what you're referring to. What's this important factor that I missed? Do let me know if you're still interested in continuing this discussion!!

And that's it!! Thank you if you genuinely read this far down and I sincerely apologize for the sheer length of all of this. I had a lot to say!! I'm really sorry if I came across badly in any way, I wanted to explain myself as I felt I could for a lot of your points. It was really fun doing this and doing a huge lil manga study though on Xanxus. I'm curious about your interpretations on these things, though I acknowledge this is extraordinarily lengthy and I'm so sorry for that I've always been very wordy. Thanks again!d

This was a HELLA LONG POST SO IM PUTTING IT UNDER A CUT. THIS WAS MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT A XANXUS ANALYSIS, SO I HOPE YOU VARIA FANS ENJOY??

OKAY so I did my last poll (Favorite arc) because I wanted to figure out which arc/aspect of an arc I should look at next. And Varia won. Also, as well my friend has been slowly scheming to get me into the Varia as a whole. Safe to say, it's starting to work. ANYWAY, since I've never done him before, the thing I wanted to look at here is Xanxus, his relationship with his wrath, and with his "pride". To start, Xanxus comes into the Ninth's care as a child being fooled into believing that he was the Ninth's son. Overtime, under the Ninth's care, he is led to believe that it is his birthright to be Vongola X. Pride as defined by my beloved Simon arc is something you can't give up on. This is no doubt Xanxus's pride. The only problem is that it was a fake one, so easily ripped away from him by the mere fact that he and the Ninth had no blood connections. This is where his Wrath "begins", furious at having been 'betrayed' that there was never any intention to make him the heir. The very thing he made his Pride. It's here, his wrath introduces him to Squalo who walks into the lion's den (or at least someone he had believed to be a Vongola Lion) wanting to see where that anger led him. Squalo, the series embodiment of the word 'Pride'. Eager to prove that Xanxus, who he believed to be the Ninth's son, he would be a valuable ally to.

Squalo and us the audience then get to see personally where Xanxus's Wrath had led him. Despite Xanxus's pride being fake, it was still not something he could give up on. He was going to take his pride back, no matter who bled for it. Hence the coup. His Wrath made him chase after his Pride, and what it ended up being was one.. big temper tantrum from the hands of someone with far too much power. It's not lost on me as well that the result of the coup is referred to as the Cradle Incident. A cradle, what you would do to calm down a screaming child. It's also here that Squalo finds out the truth about Xanxus not truly being Vongola X. In the midst of this family debacle, Xanxus's pride is confirmed to not just himself but to Squalo as well as false. Lucky for Xanxus, Squalo was never following his pride but rather his rage. Unfortunately, I'm not entirely sure that Xanxus sees it that way.

As Xanxus wakes up from the ice with years having passed, it does nothing to sooth the burn of his anger of his ripped away pride. He hatches up another plan, the ring conflict, in order to crush the one that his 'birthright' was given to. To spit on his father's choice and destroy what the Ninth had wanted for the boy, just like his wants were destroyed. "Show me what that old man saw in you." Is no doubt the wrath slipping through. It's a "What made you a better choice than me?" I don't doubt that the relationship between Xanxus and the Ninth is.. almost irreparable at this point, but he is still someone who thought highly of the Ninth's opinion just based on that and the fact he felt betrayed by the ninth's action. He again WAS proud to be his son, either that's from the benefits that being the heir for Vongola X brought or out of some genuine familial love. It's hard to say frankly and up to interpretation. (In the very least, we can at least say Timoteo did genuinely care for Xanxus but this post isn't about him<3) Either way, the ring conflict begins and it is Xanxus's chance at retaking his pride and getting his proper and true revenge for what was done for him.

But this time though, there are slight differences between now and the coup. Time either in the cradle or otherwise has morphed how Xanxus sees things. There's.. an added humiliation to Xanxus now, one that hates what happened back in the coup. Not in the way that he regrets what he did, persay but rather the way the Ninth's eyes looked upon him in pity, the way he sees that same look in Tsuna. The fact that Squalo was there, whether or not he had heard what happened. It burns Xanxus. He wants his pride back, but he wants it renewed. Freshly removed from his past. He wants the Ninth gone, and for the way Tsuna shares that same look in his eyes, he's going to take both of them down in one go if he can help it. (The cloud battle, putting Tsuna in the situation where he could be charged with possibly ending the Ninth's life. It would've been poetic, wouldn't it? The two gentle souls of the Vongola destroying one another.) Then, there's Squalo.. Squalo, who "dies" in the rain battle and Xanxus can only laugh. Because, finally, things are going his way. Now, everything is in place. He can now take the position of Vongola X without the threads of his past holding onto him tightly, reminding him of his failure, of who he really is, of his falsified pride. What's poetic is that it's the embodiment of Pride who appears, with an absolute refusal to die, for real pride isn't something you can give up, that reveals Xanxus's truth to everyone. Tells everyone what was essentially that no matter how hard Xanxus struggles and plots and rips and tears, his 'pride' will never be his again. Xanxus doesn't accept this, it wasn't Squalo's intention to make him to either, but the option isn't in his hands. It never was. The ninth, at the end of the cloud battle, blames himself for all of his happening. For not being strong enough to do what had to be done. This can be interpreted as him referring to not killing Xanxus during the cradle incident, but it can also be interpreted as him not being able to tell Xanxus the truth from the start. Not being able to deny Xanxus the chance of life away from the slums. His 'kind' action only served to put Xanxus's life down a path of the inability to choose. Almost paralleled to Tsuna in a way, who brought into the role of Vongola X against his will, Xanxus is kept away from Vongola X against his will.

Xanxus's wrath is a weakness, let me make that clear. It blinds him from the truth, from his unfortunate circumstances, from accepting that it just couldn't be. I'm not sure if he'll ever accept it, so long as he has that wrath. But, the good news is that we see ten years later into the future, his wrath is no longer an open enough of a wound for others to poke at and prod to get him to react the way they want. His response to Raisel was nothing less than a "Do you think I'm that easy?" He IS better there about it. The Vongola is STILL his family, no matter what inner conflict there is and no outsider is going to be able to rip into him half as easily as the people from inside did. As for what he's done with his pride ten years down? It's hard to say, he desires Vongola at its strongest and at that time it was the strongest under Tsuna's control. I won't pretend he doesn't still want the title, but the wound isn't fresh anymore at least by then.

OOGH. WELL, THATS IT. I'm curious to see if you guys have any interpretations about his "pride", if you agree, disagree, or if you have any interpretations of what his pride has become ten years down the line. Thank you for reading this far!!!

#longpost #keeping this outta the tags for other peoples sake #dskhnk #my wordy ass..#thanks again jelly #and im sorry if anything here comes out badly #obvs i defended my points quite a bit here #but i hope that is okay #KJNFWA I may have apologized a bit too many times in this but i genuinely want it to come across to you that I mean no harm!!#friendly xanxus discussion ;w;

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wannabe-fic-writer · 4 years ago

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Avengers Ladies x Reader : What’re the Chances

Summary: The biggest accident turns into a night of unspeakable actions.

Warning: 18+ Implied Smut, Nudity, Language, Suggested Polyamory

Request: Yes / No

Word Count: 2,124

* * * * * *

It’s dead silent.

Not a single sound comes from anywhere, even as you move about in the kitchen. You’re trying your best not to make a sound so that you don’t wake up the women asleep in your living room.

This very moment offers you time to fight your headache with coffee and process what the hell happened yesterday.

Steve and Tony had returned to the compound with a canister filled with some weird looking substance. The instant you saw the purple mist with spores floating through it you were intrigued. The scientist in you begged to test, study, and analyze it to find out exactly what it was.

It actually didn’t take much for them to turn it over to you, it is your job as the team’s scientist to deal with these things. So, while you locked yourself up in your lab, the guys of the team went out in search of the HYDRA scientist that created the substance.

Things had started off fine, you were well on your way to uncovering what the weird mist was and its effects. However, as you were releasing it into a larger containment unit, Carol, Natasha, and Wanda had taken it upon themselves to barge into your lab.

Carol and Wanda were bickering, Natasha chastising them, and all their loud voices had startled you when they came into the lab without warning.

Only you had caught your slip up. You literally slipped up, the canister detaching from the seal and allowing some of the mist to spill into the atmosphere before you could reattach it.

Wide eyed, you watched each woman, as well as yourself, breathe in the seemingly harmless air, When asked why you looked so worried you brushed it off and got back to researching.

In a way you were curious to see how the air affected you all, analyzing all of your behavior might give some clues as to what the substance does. And boy did you figure it out quickly.

Aside from the substance itself, the atmosphere shifted.

Their bickering stopped moments after they entered the lab, replaced by incredibly flirty words and sultry gazes. That was all it was in the beginning, until Carol ran a hand across Wanda’s shoulders and the back of her neck.

The blonde’s touches fanned the sparks into flames.

In the blink of an eye they were kissing, hands roaming to places that you were sure they hadn’t been before. Both women had been caught up in each other and you were worriedly intrigued, so lost in thought that you hadn’t noticed the redhead who snuck up behind you.

Suggestive words slipped from her mouth like silk into your ear, accompanied by her hands wrapping around your waist and resting low on your belly, mere inches from slipping into the waist of your pants.

While you had been able to not react to the substance in your body, her gentle touch and whispered words seemed to bring the effects to the surface. A shiver raked up your spine, manifesting itself into a feeling that shot to your belly.

It was an incredibly familiar feeling that, due to the substance, you freely fell into.

Everything from that moment on was sexually charged. Hands roamed skin, moans and sighs filled the air, orgasms cursed through your bodies like lightning striking through the sky.

Clothes had been scattered about the lab but you all ended up in the living room of your private floor in the building.

You all fell asleep in each other’s arms, bodies covered in marks, completely blissed out arguably overly blissed.

When you woke up, your hand was cupping the breast of an all too familiar redhead, and the thigh of an equally familiar blonde was pressed up against your core that seemed to throb whenever she moved.

Last night sprung into your mind and you shot up, hand ripping away from Natasha’s body like she was fire. Apparently they were wiped out, admittedly you weren’t sure how you were awake either but that was the least of your worries.

After having scurried off to your room to shower and pull on clothes, you brought out a change of clothes for each of them and went straight to the lab. It didn’t take long, applying what you know, to confirm your suspicions.

One hour testing it, told you what you needed to know and from the lab you went to the kitchen, where you still are.

Your coffee is gone, headache slowly subsiding, and based off the sounds in the living room, the girls are awake.

Taking a deep breath, you slowly make your way into the room. The confused looks on their faces turn to realization as they look at one another, and then all three sets of eyes are on you.

“Um,” you swallowed, clearing your throat,“ morning, I-I made coffee.” You stumbled over your words, not liking the feel of their eyes on you like that and trying not to look at them too long.

The image of their bodies will forever be ingrained in your mind. How you would manage to shake the feeling of their hands and mouths on you, you aren’t sure.

“Thank you.” Wanda mutters softly and all you can do is nod.

“I brought you all something to wear, what with your clothes being in the lab.” You suggest, glancing up only to catch Natasha’s blanket slipping from her upper body.

E/c eyes widen at the sight of her perky breasts and pert nipples, the memory of your hands on them playing in your head. A glance up shows her green eyes trailing your body and heat spreads over every part of you.

“I’ll give you a moment to change, feel free to use the bathrooms or my room or whatever.” With a nod to yourself more than them, you nearly scurry back into the kitchen.

Part of you, the cautiously curious scientist part, can’t believe you managed to infect yourself and your friends with sex pollen. While another part of you, the madly attracted to each of those beautiful women part, is beyond pleased with last night's events.

The instant you know they can’t see you anymore, your face is buried in your hands.“ I have to tell them.” A groan falls from your lips, muffled by your hands.“ They’re gonna kill me.”

Using the last moments of your life, you fix them each a cup of coffee to their liking, maybe that’ll soften the blows.

“We all had sex last night.”

You damn near spill every drop of coffee in your hands at the words bluntly spoken by Carol when you step back into the living room.

It’s clear, when Natasha and Wanda don’t react how you did, that this conversation was already in progress when you came in. So you try not to lose it, instead taking a deep breath, and walking over to hand them their coffee.

The blankets are folded and sitting by the hallway entrance, all of them completely dressed now. You ignore the slight disappointed feeling you get and sit on the far end of the couch Wanda is on. When they all start to try and make sense of this you figure it’s time to say something.

“It was my fault, I did it.” You blurt out, eyes squeezed shut which makes you miss the soft smiles on each of their faces.

Natasha sighs,“ Y/n we can agree that you’re charming but if I recall correctly, we all did it.” She says, making you open your eyes.

“Yeah L/n, I most certainly did not go down on myself like that.” Carol smirks.

Wanda’s eyes widen along with yours.“ Don’t be so crude Carol.”

Shaking your head, you run a hand down your face,“ okay that’s not what meant, to clarify, I mean,” you push off to stand in front of all of them,“ the substance I was testing is a sex pollen. When you all came into the lab it scared me and some may have gotten in the air and infected us.”

“What?!” They each exclaim.

Carol pushes herself up off the couch and glares at you. Wanda stares at you in shock. And Natasha raises a further curious eyebrow.

The glaring blonde steps closer,“ what did you make us do?”

Your eyes widen, hands held up as if to calm her,“ I didn’t make us do anything. Sex pollen is complicated. This particular one enhanced the libido and lowered our inhibitions. But nothing was forced.”

“I don’t completely follow.” Wanda says.

Breathing in deeply, you exhale slowly,“ um, some sex pollens cause the infected to act without a single thought, cause their focus to only be on their sex drive, which could lead to them doing things they wished they hadn’t. This one though, as mentioned, just lowers the inhibition. Our brain's way of restraining us from doing certain things, sometimes things we want to do.”

“We did what we wanted to do, without second guessing it as we might have in the past.” Natasha says, eyes looking dead into yours.

Hearing the words spoken makes a million and one thoughts surge through your mind and for that moment you recall last night, not the way their skin felt under your fingertips or how they tasted on your tongue, you recall the thoughts you were having.

There was this feeling of, finally, that coursed through you. Finally, you were able to kiss them. Finally you were able to hold them. Finally you could act on the thoughts you’d forced yourself to ignore.

In Natasha’s eyes, you swear you see that same thing.

Looking away, you say,“ I know none of us were expecting last night to happen and had I been more careful it wouldn’t have but we can’t exactly change it. A-and I mean, it helped me figure out what that stuff was.” You try to see the brighter side.

“So, do we pretend this never happened?” Wanda asks. All of your eyes move to look at her at the faint sound of disappointment.

Did she not want to?

Carol quirks a brow,“ don’t sound so down sunshine.” She sends a wink to the younger woman, then crossing her arms over her chest, pushing her breasts up in the tank top you’d given her.“ I can’t say I’m inclined to pretend.” The look she gives you let’s you know she caught you staring at her chest.

“Admittedly I had fun last night for a multitude of reasons and I’m not anxious to forget about it.” Natasha says, sharing a look with Carol before they both glance at you and Wanda.

Wanda opens her mouth to speak, only to bite her lip in thought. Those soft light green eyes look into yours, seemingly searching for an answer.

You shrug,“ I’m a terrible actress so pretending is out for me and if there’s a chance for a repeat of last night, maybe after a date or two, I’d be cool with that.”

“Asking us out already L/n.” Carol teases and you chuckle.

“What’re people going to say? What’ll the team say?”

Wanda’s concerned questions grab all of your attention and you sit yourself down beside her this time.

For the first time since last night you touch her. This time not it’s not driven by lust, instead by what could become love. Your palm lays on her knee, fingers on the side of it.

“Nothing needs to be said about anything. We don’t even know what this is or what it could be-” you start and Natasha finishes for you,“ so there’s no reason to worry ourselves over this.”

Carol sits on Wanda’s other side and copies your action of placing her hand on the brunette’s knee.“ We’ll handle whatever anyone has to say when the time comes.”

The youngest of you looks around into each of your eyes, softening with each glance. You pull a small smile and that makes a bright one burst across her face.

Your moment, that started last night, is interrupted.

“Great you’re up, get anything on that substance?” Steve comes in, halting in his steps to take in each of you.“ Am I interrupting something.”

One look at Carol let’s you know that she was about to say yes but refrains from doing so.

Chuckling, you squeeze Wanda’s knee and stand,“ yeah I got all the results in my lab Cap.” You wave for him to follow you, not missing Natasha’s last words.

“You wouldn’t believe what it took to get them.”

With a smirk you glance back at her and she winks.

You never thought you’d ever say it but, thank the gods for sex pollen.

* * * * * *

Taglist: @owloftheshadows

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #carol danvers #carol danvers x reader #avengers ladies x reader #marvel #marvel x reader #mcu #mcu x reader

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msoogabooga · 4 years ago

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Closure • (Remus Lupin x Reader)

Warnings: None

Description: You reconnect with your former Hogwarts-years lover in the most unexpected way.

A/N: Slight angst, ends on a good note.

Walking around the corridors of the Hogwarts castle with an injured hand wasn’t your ideal way of spending your night. It had all happened just as you were getting ready for bed. Gathering all your graded papers, you decided to store them in your trunk, as you usually do every night. Unfortunately for you, the lid of the trunk came crashing right back down out of nowhere and landing straight onto your hand. It took every inch of your body to not scream out a slew of unforgivable words in order to maintain the peace of the castle. Still you couldn’t help but kick the trunk in frustration and snatch your hand away. With a throbbing hand you searched frantically for something to soothe it. Nothing was readily available and you didn’t feel like waking up poor Madam Pomfrey for a bruised hand. So you resorted to the only man you know to be awake at this hour: Remus J. Lupin.

Remus Lupin was not a man to get much sleep. Back when you both were students at Hogwarts, you always remember him sitting in the common room in the dead of night. Usually it would be to finish a lengthy essay or get some more study time worked in. But sometimes you two would sit together near the fireplace and talk about the most insightful topics. The nights would end with you falling asleep on him and magically waking up back in your own bed. The days when you two dated were the most comforting and enjoyable you’ve ever felt. He was the perfect boyfriend. Everyday he would serve you a glass of pumpkin juice with a peck on the cheek. During classes he would pass you notes that often contained several compliments and an occasional sneaky answer. Days would be filled in with study sessions, sitting by the lake, and lots of cuddling. He trusted you with everything. Including the long kept secret that terrorized him the most, that he was a werewolf. You were everything to him.

You never wanted to end the relationship. It was the last thing you wanted to do. But the comforting days of teenagers at Hogwarts turned into a stressful time as adults. You had become an Auror right out of Hogwarts while Remus struggled to find a stable job. Being a werewolf didn’t come with its negative effects, after all. You would sometimes go days without seeing him depending on how much time was needed on an investigation. When you did see him, you were always so exhausted and sleep deprived. Eventually all this stress kept piling up to the point where you both decided it was best to part ways. No hard feelings were left but you didn’t hear much from him after that.

Just a few years later, you resigned your job as being an Auror. Though it was an exciting couple of years, it was best to just take some time for yourself and find a more peaceful job. When you heard of the Muggle Studies teaching position open at Hogwarts, you knew this was your opportunity. You knew all about muggles, as you grew up around them, therefore it was an easy job to secure. What you didn’t realize, however, was that one of your colleagues was the same man you left years ago. Catching his gaze at the Great Hall feast in the beginning of the year brought all of the memories back to you once more.

Which brings us back to this moment. You scurry your way to his quarters in hopes of obtaining a treatment for your hand and perhaps some closure from the man you once loved. You mumble apologies to the portraits you had awoken until you finally reach his door. Though hesitant at first, you finally muster up the courage to knock 3 times. It doesn’t take long for an answer as you look at a disheveled Remus Lupin standing at the front of the door wearing some worn out pajamas. Clearly, he didn’t expect you to be the one knocking at his door in the middle of the night as he continues staring you down for a moment. Eventually, he clears his throat and addresses you.

“Oh.” Remus speaks. “Professor, what a surprise. I didn’t- I wasn’t expecting any guests at this hour. May I help you?”

“You got anything for this.” You say, lifting your bruised hand up.

“Oh of course, do come in.”

He opens up the door wider for you and you make your way inside his quarters. It was a cozy little place. All his bags were on the floor and a few garments were thrown onto the bed. He mumbles an apology for the mess and goes to one of his drawers. Pulling out a small blue water packet, he performs a freezing spell on it to turn it into ice. He gestures to you to come over. You and him plop on the edge of the bed. He takes your hand into his own, ever so gently, careful not to hurt you even more. You wince as he begins to apply pressure to it with the ice.

“Just hold still.” He says, calmly. “I promise this will make it feel better.”

You nod and bite your tongue as he applies more pressure. His hands are coarse and rough now as opposed to a few years ago. Clearly, these past few years haven’t treated him well. His hands keep the ice steady as he gently brushes your palm.

“How have you been?” You say out of nowhere. You couldn’t bear the silence any longer.

“Rough.” He admits. “Full moon yesterday and well… you know.”

“Oh right, sorry. I didn’t notice.”

“No worries.”

You remain silent as he removes the ice pack for a moment to examine your hand. He pushes his thumb against the bruised area slightly and you wince once more. He looks up at you with concerned eyes. You give a slight smile, assuring him you are alright. He takes the ice pack and applies it to your hand once more.

“Yes, just leave it on for a few hours.” He says, letting you hold onto the ice pack now. “It should help numb the pain. Other than that your hand appears to be fine. Just some minor bruising. You’re free to go get some rest now.”

As you stand up from the bed, he catches your shoulder. You gasp a little in surprise and slowly come to sit once again with him.

“But that’s not the reason you came here, is it?” Remus asks, almost reading your mind. It was true. This visit was more than a mere injury treatment.

“I just… wanted to see you again.” You admit. “I know we didn’t get the closure we needed. I kind of just wanted that, if you don’t mind.”

“Oh not at all.” He says with a sigh. “Ever since I first saw you during the feast, I wanted to have this conversation with you.”

“Well then. Here we are. You’re not mad at me, are you?”

“Why would I be? This decision was made by the both of us.”

“I know I know. I just feel so guilty. I didn’t get to see you that much near the end of our relationship and I often wondered if you thought I didn’t care about you.”

“You were busy. I understood that. Never did it cross my mind that you didn’t care. I knew you did. And so did I.”

You let out a small relieved smile. “It’s just so hilariously sad now.”

“What is?” He says, shifting himself closer to you.

“Now I have all the time in the world but no one to spend it with.”

He gives a sad smile. “Oh the ironies of life. Would you like some tea?”

“Please.” Remus gets up and heads to the small kitchen attached to his room. You get up and follow him, leaving the ice pack on the bed. “Make sure to add only two spoons-”

“Two spoons of sugar.” Remus finishes for you. He gives a slight smile. “Don’t worry, I remember.” You feel your face blush slightly at this. That man never misses a beat, you’re sure of it. He sets the kettle and leans against the counter, running a hand through his hair.

“Was it bad?” You ask. Remus raises an eyebrow. “The full moon I mean.” You clarify.

“Oh no, not terribly at least. A few minor scratches and bruises. Nothing I haven’t already experienced before.”

“And here I am complaining about a bruised hand.” You laugh. Remus, however, gives you a concerned look as he walks over to you. He carefully takes both of your hands into his.

“Please don’t feel bad about asking me for help.” He says looking straight into your eyes. “You know I will always help you no matter how small it is. Always.” As you stare into his basil-green eyes you can’t help but feel your face heat up again. Something about his stare always drove you mad. Clearly it hasn’t stopped anytime soon. He appears to be moving closer to you before the whistle of the kettle makes him jump a bit. He quickly runs to it and prepares the cups.

As he pours the green tea into an elegant cup, you can’t help but try to explain everything going through your mind. “I wanted to reach out to you. I did. I just didn’t know how. I’m just so relieved that now I get the chance to.”

“So did I.” Remus confesses as he hands you a cup. You take the cup of warm liquid and take a sip from it. Delicious, of course. He always made the best tea. “I just figured you wanted to be left alone. I wouldn’t blame you. Being an Auror is a difficult career. Therefore I went against my own personal emotions considering I still… well, it would be inappropriate to say now.” He takes a gulp from his own cup.

“No please, tell me Remus.” You plead. He stares at you once more and sighs before setting his cup on the table.

“Considering I was still in love with you.” Your heart is racing now. You set your own cup on the table.

“You were?” You ask, stunned. “And now?”

“Nothing has changed. Even after all these years. I still thought of you and hoped you were doing well. Everyday.”

“Oh, Remus.” You cup his face with both hands, bruised hand and everything. Your thumb rubs against his cheek as you slowly move his hair away from his face. He brings his hands to cover yours and gives you the most comforting look.

“Don’t you worry about me now.” He reassures you. “I’ll cope.”

“You don’t have to.” You finally fill in the gap between the two of you and press your lips gently against his. He doesn’t react to this at first, just stands there in confusion. Slowly, however, he brings his hands to your hair and gently combs through it, falling into your kiss. He never once retracts from you. Only crashing back onto your lips over and over. It was the most sincere and wonderful kiss you’ve ever had.

When he finally breaks it, he still holds onto your waist, giving you the biggest smile. His eyes were a different story, however. They were drained and half open. Clearly he was exhausted.

“You’re tired, Remus.”

“A tad. Never of you though.” He places a kiss on your forehead.

“I should really let you sleep.”

“You know you can stay the night.” He says to you in a half whisper. “Only if you’d like. I’d be more than willing to have you here.”

You laugh, running a hand through his sandy locks. “Of course.”

You both climb into his bed, completely exhausted from a long night. Before you get a chance to say something he clutches you close to him. You smile and ease into his embrace. He rests his chin on your head and has his arms wrapped tightly around you. Kissing your head, he sleepily mumbles something into your hair that you couldn’t quite catch.

“What was that, dear?” You ask.

“I’ve missed you.” He mumbles before crashing into a deep sleep.

#harry potter #remus lupin #lupin x reader #remus x reader #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin fic #remus lupin fanfiction #remus lupin fluff #remus lupin angst

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kristalpepsi · 4 years ago

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Temptation Stairway Thoughts™ + Theory Discussion

TW: blood + Death mentions, Implied (forced/pushed) integration (systems), racism (against asians), unreality stuff bc the show is Like That, Trauma causd by therapy

TL;DR = I mainly talk about implied integration, n as some1 in a system tht! mkes me uncomfy! I mainly will talk abt wht I’m calling the multi-ena theory (n anothr theory ill call the Multiple/Multi-Enaverse Theory) thts been popping up n disccng how thts kind of the bggst thng keepng me on board! I won’t LIE I might b a little biased bc I rlly do like thise show b I am NOT blind so I will try 2 address som things. I also talk alot abt the Shepard n Phindol bc I love themb so much they make me very heart Big.

DISCLAIMERS:

Obviously Joel G Highkey/definitely/most probbly did not intend 4 any of thise, but media is very complic8d so u cn end up accidntlly making problmtc things or implyng not great things

I hav a typing quirkkkk so if u cant understand my post I rlly dont blame u! I’m sorry how I type is Incomprehensible™

Not an angry post, more like my brain is holding me host-ge until i talk abt everyth dskfjhd!!

DO NOT Send anyone in thise post hate or angry asks/messages or perish by my sword

OK so this recnt episde has me w vry vry mixd feelngs!!! I’m both happy n exctd! b litrlly 2 things is whts bothrng me. While I CLD jst say :I Am Lookng Away: i rlly do need 2 write it down. Under a Read-more bc im secure SKSJ

Part 0: I’m uncomfortable help

The Section wher i tlk abt n bring up othr ppl’s concerns

So fr most if nt all the frnds I hav who also wtch Ena ALSO has a vry “vr vry mixd feelngs now tht I’ve seen the episde!!” mood twrds Temptation Stairway! It’s 4 a bunch of rsns, like thise post (tw racism) mde by a frnd whch brings up a good point

Part 1: The Actual Intro

Episode 1 = Auction day (AD) Episode 2 = Extinction Party (EP) Episode 3 = Tempation Stairway (TS)

Who is Ena

Ena can b describd as an "abstract girl split in half, w 1 blue side n the other is her yellow side!" Each side (emotion/mood, 2 b specific) seems 2 hav their own voic actor credited along with seper8 credits 4 each mood! So far the canon sides r Ena (happy), Ena (sad), n Ena (drunk)! They seem 2 act accordingly: Happy acts happy n optimistc, Sad acts sad n especlly depressd, n Drunk acts confused n dizzy [In the Credits, it would look like thise: Ena (happy) by Gabe V., Ena (sad) by Lizzie Freeman, (drunk) Ena by Sam Meza

4 Episodes 1-2, thy follow thise pattern exctly! So we cn expect wht 2 see from them, n each voice actor is creditd accordngly as seper8 b all a part of Ena

On epside 3, Ena is seen as actng diffrnt!! She's suddnly less predictabl! I say thise bc Suddenly, her voic Actors r not stuck 2 Only their sides. Thise is also emphasized when looking at the credit list! No longer is it "Ena (happy) by Gabe V., Ena (sad) by Lizzie Freeman" it's now jst "ENA by Gabe V. and Lizzie Freeman"

Happy's voic can sound STRESSED n sad, Happy can tlk w Blue's side in mor control n Sad's voic can sound Really happy n optimistic. Somth's Diffrnt n Not The Same

Temptation Stairway Summary

Skipping 2 my point, The summary of the episode Temptation stairway is tht Moony and Ena have a bet 2 race 2 the Great Runas! The Great Runas, can grnt u any wish accordng 2 Moony n som of those Ena passes by on the wy. The wager, is tht "whoever reaches the top of the Great Runas n makes their wish 1st, has 2 pay the debts of the loser" (yes it’s phrased like that) As Ena journeys thru, The DIFFERENCES between Ena Temptation Stairway and Ena Extinction Party n Below, is mor obvious as the epsde progrsses, even 2 wher Happy's voic actor is the 1 screamng in agony 2 jst get murdered already. The Episode ends w Moony beatng Ena (but it's 100% possibl it can be the other way arnd, that ENA Beat Moony, b thats somth I'll discuss in a bit L8r). Moony splits in half, revealing that according 2 her, "she wished 2 be skinny" n a humanoid coms out of her previous form. As 4 Ena, Her blue side slowly dispprs n its not answrd why.

Theories so far, are:

Moony wished 4 Ena 2 b happy (or 4 her sad/blu side 2 go awy. 4 wht reason can b eithr wholsom or 2 Moony's advntge [like so she "doesnt have 2 deal w Sad Ena"]) - b if Moony wished 4 Ena 2 b happy/b rid of her sad side, tht wld mean perhaps she lied about wishing 2 be skinny (her new humanoid form may be how she is "paying her debt 2 the loser"). Unless the Runas can grant u more than 1 wish.

Ena ws the 1 who wished her blu side awy, whch is a little depressng tbh

If both the above r tru, it may b possibl bc it wsnt clarified (afaik) tht the great runas can only grant ONE person a wish (or more). I think we only get tht implica8ion bc we see 1 (open) door while in the distance, ther r more doors tht look like their eyes r closed. We hav 2 remembr Moony said "whoever makes their wish 1st whch means Ena n Moony can totlly mke wishes @ the sme time

Somhow, turning pure yellow/only happy is how Moony is payng her debt 2 Ena(??) (opposite 2 the 1st theory)

OR If Ena won the race, it can even b possibl 2 consider tht Ena did not make ANY wish, n her debt 2 pay 2 Moony is her sad/blue side removed (I do not subscribe 2 thise)

This info that was brought up 2 me is high evidenc that Moony won the race, n it explains how Moony surprises Ena whn Ena arrives. “I’m The Best and you’re the worst! I wonder who got the hair chest?” said by Ena, is a direct reference 2 a phrase usd by kids when they lose that goes “First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairy chest.”

“Whoever reaches the top of the Great Runas n makes their wish 1st, has 2 pay the debts of the loser.“ Might be phrased tht way as a weird way 2 pay 4 ur greed? (Last minute addition from me since some people wld think this is quoted wrong in and outside of the youtube comments)

i'm p sure ther may even b mor theories b i dont rmmbr them OOPS

Part 2: The Implied Integration Part AKA: How the System!Ena theory is affected by this episode

TW: Final fusion discussion, medical trauma (Is that the right word)

Disclaimer: This is 100% unintended by Joel G. That’s y the Alternative title 2 thise part is “How the System!Ena theory is affected by this episode”

2 GET IN2 the whole Implied Integr8ion part of my Essay™ I hav a theory calld system ena or sys!ena! (Check out my #system ena tag. This is in chronologicl order!) While thers no canon explan8ion 4 how Ena herslf is how she is, she mkes very intrstng n almst good accdntl Sys Represent8ion 2 me! They even show cofronting rlly well! I headcanon Ena as a system bc of the accidentl system!rep, but it explains 2 me y n how she switches! she has triggers 4 when she switchs 2 a diffrnt side, etc!

Ther hav been theories about Temptation Stairway in the past (before the episode cme out) wher ppl try 2 explain y the trailer Looks Like Tht. Besides theorizing abt the introduction of a new forme (I'm ok w just calling it Scared/Anxiety 4 now until 4rthr notic), 1 of the theories ive seen is tht Temptation Stairway's new introduced forme is due 2 being something akin 2 being "integr8d" (probably by force, accordin 2 the OP) (in other words, all her sides merge in2 one) n Ena being devast8td abt it

While tht theory is now DEBUNKED, bc the new forme clearly did not come out bc of being One Single Mind now, the "integr8ion" part of tht theory is unfortun8ly a littl tru

What is Integr8ion?

Integr8ion is not inherently a bad thing. In systems, ther are 2 definitions: "the breaking down of barriers 2 form healthy multiplicity, n then healthy communic8ion n less amnesiac barriers" and the othr, n mor FAMOUS definition bc its the oldest 1, is "final fusion"

Fnal Fusion is when all the members "fuse/merge" 2gether until ther is 1 single mind left. While not necssrlly a bad thng, final fusion n ther4 "integr8ion" is a scry thing 4 a lot of systems 2 talk abt, because in the history of Treatment, Final fusion is uslly somthng forcd on2 systems 4 the longest time :^(

Very valid 2 hav final fusion as a goal, b showng it as a desire n end goal is uslly seen as a sad n even scry thing 2 promote accdntly or not in media, bc of the previous traumas in the medicl/therapy world of system treatment etc

What's Worse. is tht if we apply the Ending 2 Temptation Stairway to the System!Ena Theory, thts wht hurts!!!

Scrolling back up 2 the possibl theories of who won the race and wht happened aftr, Either Moony or Ena wishing 4 the blue side/Sad Ena 2 go awy is rlly painful!

B I'll be honest, thts a RLLY biased n personal opinion i hav!! I've seen ppl think its rlly wholsom altho a bit Sad, tht the blue side disappears. I've seen ppl think its rlly sweet esp if it was Moony who mde tht wish

BSCLLY If I were to hold on2 the System!Ena headcanon while watchng the Temptation Stairway episode, its Hurtful, not rlly bc of the implied Integr8ion of Sides, but bc most top theories r that the blue side disappeard on Purpose either from Moony or Ena wishing her away or involvng the debt! It's like asking 4 ur sibling irl 2 Disappear and cease 2 exist. it's scary n rlly sad esp whn the audienc can c tht Sad, Happy, n Drunk cn almst b seen as their own persons n mite even b abl 2 interact w each othr (as seen by the many fanart of Happy n Sad having their own seper8 forms)

Ok so Now tht ive described my intro n Main Beef w the Episode, here's a theory I cn rlly get behind tht dsnt mke me wnna cry behind a Denny's. Prsnlly it's a rlly relievng theory even if it mite b hard 2 take in

Ther's no name 4 it, som call it the Enaverse, b just so it dsnt get confusd w other definitions (like, u wldnt call it the Marvel Cinematic Universe theory, the MCU is jst wht it is) I'm gnna call it the Multi-Ena theory! Bsclly, there's mor than 1 Ena in thise universe. But I'll get in2 a sub/partner theory tht is also possibl: ther is mor than 1 enaverse n somhow u may or may not b abl 2 travel between them

Part 3: The Multi-Ena theory

Something interesting I noticed was that the shepherds says “another ENA troublemaker?” Which definitely means more than one ENA/person has been there before.

(I blockd out the rest of the commnt not bc it ws bad, b i wantd 2 focus on this part of the commnt, but thise commnt will come up again L8r)

Not connected 2 System!Ena or the integr8ion issue I mentioned earlier, the multi-ena theory seems 2 b 1 of the top suggstd theories bc of many thngs! Bsclly n in short, thise theory believs tht in the series (or Enaverse), ther is multipl ena's! So fr i havent seen a post tht RLLY went in2 depth on thise so here is my attempt!

Evidence:

(See: above explanation on how the voic actors r credited 4 their roles individlly 2 explain my system!ena theory/intro) In episodes 1-2, Ena's diffrnt emotions/sides r creditd individually! In Temptation Stairway, Gabe n Lizzie Freeman r all creditd undr the sme nme, just as "Ena" (mening thise is a completely different Ena from the past)

Again, as said in my summry 4 Tempt8ion Stairway, thise Ena acts compltly diffrnt n is not follwng the sme "pattern" or rules as Ena did in Episodes 1-2! (Read above in my summary section) Either ther r stuff we've missd between Extinction Party n Temptation Stairway, or thise is a diffrnt Ena entirely. I'd hav 2 sy prsnlly tht I'm leanng 2wrds the latter bc of how the VA's are crdtd. but if ur not convinced, let me continu:

When we meet the Shepard in 7:52 of the episode, they say (verbatim) "Arghh... Another ENA trouble maker." which implies there r more than 1 Ena's

9:08 - 9:19 when Ena jumps in2 the "Holy Code" where we head undrwtr in2 a sea of diffrnt doors, we see floating Ena models (n the comment section seems 2 gravit8 2 callng them "dead bodies") (Honorary mention: You'll notic they glitch in2 Mannequins if u pay attention 2 them). This piec of info is Direct Evidence 2 the multi-ena theory, bc ther r Explicitly mor thn 1 ena's on screen! wht's concernng n unanswrd tho, is y do they glitch in2 mannequins? Does tht mean all the mannequins we sw on screen in the begnng of the video (n onwards) were all previously an Ena? Is it only an Ena tht can transform in2 a mannequin or cn othr chrctrs also become mannequins?

Not the strongst evidenc b i'll input it anywy: Ena's Action boxes (Like when she receivs or gives items) spell her nme her as ƎNA (with a backwrds E). The thing abt thise 1 is tht we can't compare it with Auction Day n Extinction Part bc they don't have any action boxes. BUT What we CAN compare is how she is spelled in the dialogue boxes of those speakng in diffrnt languages AND in the Credits! In Episodes 1-2, She's Spelled as Ena with this captialis8ion. In Temptation Stairway the dialogue and credits consitntly spell her as ENA in all caps. May or may not allude 2 her being diffrnt, b i will admit this is the most Strechiest piec of evidnc. Tru or not, I'd like 2 refer 2 Tempt8ion Stairway ena as TS!Ena or ƎNA, prsnlly 2 differenti8 her frm the othr episodes

Pronounci8ion: BUT 2 build on the above evidence, In the beginning of the episode, Moony DOES pronounc Ena's name in different wys a lot, startng w I-NA (ai-na), ENA (ehna), n finally JENA. And this isnt new! She’s been doing it sinc Auction Day (ee-nah/ii-na) n Extinction Party (ay-nah). Thise may or my not sggst that perhaps Moony's inconsistancy is bc these othr pronunci8ions or names cld b of other ena's she's met in the past w similr or diffrnt preferences! I’d say because of her constant switchng in the beginning of Temptation Stairway, it would lean 2wards that she may know different Ena’s @ once. Otherwise, c the Multi-Enaverse theory below

Note: Every othr charctr besides Moony (So far; Merci and the Shepard) Pronounces Ena as ehna (or ehna) so it might be that perhaps Eh-na is the universal way of pronouncng Ena?

Conlusions/thghts on this theory: I prsnlly like thise a lot!! It makes Enasonas Very Possible, b also tht any interpret8ion of Ena cn b corrct or possibl! It knda saddens me tho bc im not rlly sure if we'll ever return 2 the Ena we're used 2, I wldnt rlly want 2 b stuck w/o Sad bc I thnk her role is rlly neat n can b importnt, b im biasd. I also rlly subscribe 2 thise theory bc it means whtvr happend 2 TS!Ena ds not hav 2 be permanent in the long run; Again litrlly the only thng keepng me from gettng supr upset abt the ending of Temptation Stairway, is tht the prev ena’s r not the sme n wld possibly not do thise, or tht ther r othr ena’s out ther besides THISE episod 1, who wld nvr do tht, etc

Part 4: The Multiple Enaverses/Multi-Enaverse Theory AKA The Alternative In Defense of Moony Mispronouncing Ena’s name over and over

An alterntve 2 the Multi-Ena theory, is tht there is MORE thn 1 Enaverse! So bsclly, a multiverse theory. Primarily thise my explain Not jst Ena's sudden Shift in how diffrnt she is in thise episode b may also explain how Diffrnt Moony is actng in thise episode 2. While thise isnt the top theory i prsnlly subscribe 2 (sinc ther isnt explicit evidence besides it bein an explan8ion 4 Moony n Ena's weird/diffrnt behavior), it DOES open a lot of doors 2 intrstng things 2 thnk abt!

Bsclly Moony keeps mispronouncing Ena’s name a lot (in Tempation Stairway) n its Really Rude, esp consdrng she’s always said it properly (As in @ least 1nce in an episode n not switchng multiple times) b4! so 2 Explain her Sudden change in behavior, this is actlly a Different Moony, besides a different Ena. this is a whole different universe/timeline!

LIKE If not multiple Ena's, The different Loca8ions in Ena cn probbly b traversible across dimensions! The Holy Code may b the door 2 diffrnt enaverses. The Shepard's garden cld b an interdimensionl place tht is singular n deals w diffrnt beings passing thru! While i dnt hav mch 2 sy on thise, its RLLY Interestng 2 thnk abt

Like the Multi-Ena theory, thise also opens the doors 2 enasonas being vry possibl :^) Som ppl's evidences r all involvng Moony besides how Ena's rlly diffrnt

Moony can skateboard??

Moony's square shape hole can shrink 2 hold an item

while not strong ATM or frm wht i cn see, its still very inch restng!!! Tho I would sy it is VERY on par w the Multi-Ena theory anyway

Part 5: Honorary Mentions: Mini Theories

The Great Runas is actlly a play on the "Run As" Command! I'm not very Smart engh 2 break thise down vry well, b bsclly w all the allusion 2 "codes" n the Blood ID looking like a Chip, The Great Runas being abl 2 grant u wishes makes a lot of sense! This ws brought up 2 me from a friend (@ambercard)!

like its a command line. so then the great runas being able to grant wishes makes sense if its digital world like all the code stuff says Allows a user to run specific tools and programs with different permissions than the user's current logon provides.

Runas is a command-line tool that is built into Windows Vista. To use runas at the command line, open a command prompt, type runas with the appropriate parameters, and then press ENTER.

In the user interface for Windows Vista, the Run as… command has been changed to Run as administrator. However, you should rarely have to use the Run as administrator command because Windows Vista will automatically prompt you for an administrator password when it is needed.

and my friend who i was talking to said that probably explains what the password was for and the blood id being a login or something?

its possible using the blood id akin to using the run as administrator command since idk their name but one of the people ena met said the blood id didnt seem like her which is like. if she isnt administrator then it would make sense that using that command wouldnt match who she is

My response:

man do u realiz Ena uslly does not hav the corrct passwrd/admin privileges all the tme? Bc the guardian entity in extinction party askd her 4 1 b i guess it ws so Low Game tht it wsnt supr necsrry in the end

The Enaverse is all a computer code of some sort- most probbaly a game! AKA: This is a digital world

... If we were too treat this world as a video game this would make more sense since different play through bus and all that. Oh god this feels like a fnaf situation, taking a video that just wants to be a video and turning it into a big serious thing

Going with the whole ‘there are multiple enas representing the player’ theory, perhaps this ENA realized that she’s in a video game and isn’t taking it too well? But the game is kind of glitching out because of it.

Honorable Mentions: Random Info + Unanswered Questions

Ena seems self-aware of smth! (10:24 Ena screams "YOU'RE ALL LIVING A LIE!") May help the Run as command idea n the video game/digital reality idea! If not a video gme, they sure r Somewhere

What does the Great Runas look like?? is it the door? is ther mor thn 1 Runas?

What is Mariya n Gabo's Job? R they just like the Guardian Entity in Extinction Party but are assignd 2 this part/location of where they are?

In 6:30, wht does Ulysses mean by "Desires r never fulfilled nor quenched"? "You Will fail like the rest of them" Is he referring 2 the other Ena's that's passed by? who else have come n failed?

This Post Also brings up som good points I hvnt noticd yet!

Thise comment pretty much says everythng:

Standout things from this animation:

-This Ena switches between a male & female voice at seemingly random instead Happy speaking with a male voice and Sad speaking with a Sad voice. The text boxes noticeably refer to this Ena with a reversed E, and The Shepard says "Another Ena troublemaker", implying that there are multiple Enas. We also see some Ena corpses flickering into the mannequin bodies at one point. Third, at the end we see Ena's sad half turn from blue to yellow over the course of Ena & Moony's conversation. My personal theory is that this Ena is possibly 'broken' in some manner. -Moony either doesn't care or dosen't realize that Ena's voices aren't matching the personalities anymore. -The grey personality appears to come out when Ena gets too stressed out. Notably the transformation involves the happy half turning into static and exploding out, erasing Ena's face in the process. It also appears that some physical trauma (in this case, Brick Frog kicking Ena) is necessary to exit the grey personality, unlike the previously seen 'blackout' personalities which can possibly be switched by the other personality exerting themselves (in the auction episode, Ena enters her sad blackout/depressed personality, then switches to Happy!Ena, who apologizes to Moony about her depressed outburst). -Moony's hole is capable of closing to hold things, and she also knows how to skateboard. -Judging by Ena's reaction, Moony's transformation at the end is weird even by this universe's standards.

aaaand thats all 4 now! I really hope thats all my brain can think of skjsdhfsdfkh

Feel free 2 send me asks abt Ena theories n stuff! While this is a Comprehensiv post, it’s definitely mor focused on the Multi-Ena theory n my thghts on the episode whn it comes 2 how it affects the System Ena theory. I’m open 2 questions!!

Last Edit: Feb 19 2021 (GMT +8)

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lady-divine-writes · 4 years ago

Text

Kurtbastian one-shot - “Confrontation” (Rated PG13)

Summary: Things get heated at Blaine's first post-quarantine competition when his father and his old coach make a surprise visit. (2397 words)

Notes: Warning for homophobia. Blaine friendly.

Part 68 of Outside Edge.

Read on AO3.

"This is not happening... this is not happening... " Blaine mumbles, pacing back and forth, arms wrapped tight around his torso but carefully so as not to dislodge any of the hundreds of crystals Kurt had applied by hand to this new costume he'd made especially for him.

A costume so intricate and lovingly crafted that Sebastian turns green every time he's in its presence (even though Kurt has made him close to a dozen of his own).

"It's going to be all right," Kurt says, trying his best to calm Blaine down. He reaches out a hand to stop him but decides against it. He understands the pain of suffering from this level of anxiety. Standing still when you're about to rip out of your skin can be the worst feeling in the world.

"I'm not doing this... " Blaine decides, tapping his right fist against his left elbow. "I'm not---I'm not doing this... "

"Too late, champ," Sebastian teases, tucking his button-up into his slacks and joining the freak-out already in process. "You've already skated. No backing out now."

"No jokes!" Kurt hisses. "That's not what this is about!"

"Then what is it?" Sebastian asks, growing concerned when Blaine starts to curl in on himself. Sebastian steps in front of him, feeling a need to shield him from prying eyes wandering by. "I was in the can for all of three minutes. What in the hell happened?"

Kurt leans into Sebastian's side and whispers, "His father's here. And his old coach."

"What the fuck?" Sebastian turns in a circle, half looking for the men in question (even though he's never seen either, so he has no idea who he's looking for), but also searching for a place they can hide, get Blaine out of the public eye. "What the hell are they doing here?"

"I... I don't know. I don't know how they even knew I'd be here," Blaine replies.

"They'd had to have Googled you," Sebastian says, eyes darting back and forth over the crowd.

"Why would they do that? My dad said he never wanted to see me again! So what's the point?"

"I don't know," Sebastian admits. Would it be too much to ask that it's because the man actually cares about Blaine? Sebastian doesn't know a thing about him other than he punched his son and threw him out onto the street, so he can't answer that question, but from the outset, most signs point to no.

Sebastian hopes the man proves him wrong.

He isn't one for seeing the good in people. He'd rather believe that most are self-serving assholes, that way he's not disappointed when he's right. But this is Blaine's dad. And regardless of Sebastian feeling a bit jealous of his relationship with Kurt, Sebastian secretly prays that one day Blaine and his dad can make amends.

Sebastian spots a line of locker rooms, the doors painted to blend with the walls. They're about the size of the average closet, but hunkering down in a cramped room is better than waiting around for the inevitable. "Come on, guys. We can duck in there."

Kurt takes Blaine by the elbow as Sebastian leads the way, barking out a frustrated, "Excuse us. Excuse us," to the skaters yet to perform, who have opted to do their off-ice warm-ups smack dab in everyone else's way. Sebastian frowns when he remembers that used to be him once upon a time - constantly showing off, always in other people's space. His coach had told him it was an effective intimidation technique.

It's not.

It's just annoying.

Blaine sighs as they reach the blue metal door, relief in sight.

It turns out to be premature.

"Still under rotating those triples, I see."

Blaine sighs again, but this time it's a sound of utter defeat, and something inside Kurt snaps. He whirls around, putting himself between Blaine and whoever might be behind them, saying, "Don't you have anything nice to say?" before he comes face to face with two older men trying way too hard to appear important in their expensively tailored wool suits, out-of-place with everyone else around them bundled up in jeans, sweaters, and puff jackets. They can't even wear simple cloth masks, opting for those overpriced dome things constructed of 'space-age materials', clear so people can see the entirety of the wearer's face.

From the corner of his eye, Kurt sees Blaine turn slowly, as if he would rather be anywhere but here, which sucks because Blaine had an amazing skate! A skate Nathan Chen would have been proud of! But that's about to be ruined by the presence of these two a-holes!

"Nice about what?" the same man retorts, and even though that sounds like the sort of remark one would expect a coach to make, Kurt just knows that this man - with the same dark hair as Blaine's, glued to his scalp with a tremendous amount of product, sucking in his lower lip as he grins - has to be his dad. "His lackluster choreography? His offensive song choice? This fruity costume? Or those skates?" He pops his lower lip in disgust as he gestures down to the black Edea skates Kurt customized with rainbow crystals. "Jesus, Blaine! Why don't you carry one of those rainbow flags out on the ice with you! Or tattoo one to your face! That way everyone knows!"

"Most people already do!" Blaine argues, surprising his friends. But it delights Sebastian more. Despite his 'dapper charm' that he lays on thick as oatmeal, Sebastian suspected Blaine couldn't be as meek as he seemed around him and Kurt. Looks like he was right. "And guess what? No one seems to have a problem with it! And if they do, they have the courtesy to keep it to themselves!"

"That's because you're a figure skater. You're surrounded by gays, aren't you?" he snarks, shooting a pointed glance at Kurt. Blaine's old coach (Simon, if Kurt remembers correctly - supposedly a huge deal though Kurt has never heard of him), who has yet to say anything, has the dignity to look embarrassed by Mr. Anderson over that remark.

"Has he always been this much of an ass?" Sebastian seethes. "Or is he doing this for our benefit?

Blaine's first instinct is to defend him, even after everything the man has done. He is his father after all. But he stops himself, gives Sebastian's question a solid think.

And his answer is yes.

Yes, he has.

He's always been an ass. To him and, to a lesser extent, his mother. Nothing has ever been good enough for him. Gold medals, sponsorships, scholarships, endorsements - not a single thing that has come from Blaine's skating has his father ever been proud of.

"What you see is what you get," Blaine says diplomatically. Mr. Anderson's thin-lipped grin drops like a lead weight, and Kurt snickers.

"Your edges have improved," Simon puts in haughtily. "Don't know how that happened."

"It's called practice," Kurt says, "dedication... and the perks of finding a better, more supportive coaching team."

Simon's eyes travel from Kurt's face to a smug Sebastian, and the man rolls his eyes. "I'll bet."

"So, is this what you gave your family up for?" Mr. Anderson asks, waving a hand towards Kurt so vehemently he nearly smacks him. "Or are you still waiting in the wings?"

Blaine's cheeks burn, speechless that his father held on to those words he overheard and is now throwing them in his face, especially since he never told Kurt about the phone call that got him kicked out. Not entirely. And as far as he knew, Sebastian hasn't either, confirmed by the confusion on Kurt's face.

"You're talking to your son," Sebastian growls. "You haven't seen him in over a year, haven't talked to him during a global pandemic even once to find out whether or not he's okay. He just won his second gold medal of the night. But you're stomping over here like you have every right, and all you care about is his sex life?"

Mr. Anderson raises a stern finger. "This doesn't concern you."

"Yes, it does! Because after you pulled your little homophobic stunt and blackened his eye, he started living with me. In my house." Sebastian stops himself from clarifying further when he notices they're attracting attention. He didn't mean to out Blaine's abuse. Sebastian had no right to let that slip. But with the tunnel of red obscuring his vision, he'd started to forget there's anyone else around. He's got to apologize but now isn't the time. "He owes me nothing. Happy to have him. But you? You owe me plenty."

"What?" Mr. Anderson scoffs. "Do you want me to write you a check?"

"No. But a little gratitude, knowing that your son was in good hands this entire time, might be nice."

Mr. Anderson laughs through his nose. It's as unattractive as it sounds. "Never happening. I offered to take him back. He felt he knew better. If Blaine chooses to live in a den of sin, that's his business."

Sebastian shakes his head in disbelief. Blaine's father isn't talking about pre-marital sex. Hell, if Blaine was kicking it with some busty blonde cheerleader this whole time, his dad would probably be ecstatic.

He's referring to the fact that the three of them are gay.

Some people.

Well, if he wants to be an epic jackhole, fine. Two can play at that game.

"You know, since you're so concerned with who your son is being intimate with, since that matters so much to you, it might interest you to know that he's not just screwing Kurt here. He's fucking me as well." Sebastian pauses, lets those words sink in, and soaks in the delicious fallout. He doesn't know whose reaction he likes better - the men in front of him scowling like he farted in their masks, or the boys standing beside him, staring at him wide-eyed and growing pale. "Oh yeah," Sebastian continues, fueled by the conflicted awe in Kurt's eyes specifically. "The three-ways are plentiful, in every position."

"You... you little liar!"

Sebastian shrugs. "I mean, that's what it's all about, right? What do you think's been going on at my house while he's been living there? He's gotta pay the rent somehow."

"You're disgusting!" Mr. Anderson sneers.

"You're one to talk - a middle-aged man whose only concern about his son's welfare is where he sticks his dick! Give this a lot of thought, do ya? Talk about it over dinner and shit?"

Mr. Anderson takes a step forward. Blaine and Kurt take a reflexive step back - social distancing and all. But Sebastian doesn't budge. "You listen here, you... !"

"Is there a problem?" a man dressed in a red, white, and blue windbreaker emblazoned with the name of the rink they're in, asks. They'd been so engrossed in this pissing contest, no one noticed the man cut through the crowd to reach them. Mr. Anderson steps back, aggressively straightening his jacket. Kurt thinks he hears a seam pop, and he flinches on behalf of a thousand-dollar sports coat.

"No," Mr. Anderson answers quickly, annoyed by the interruption. "No problem."

Seeing a way to put an easy end to this, Sebastian speaks up. "Actually, there is. These men aren't coaches or skaters. And they're harassing us. So could you please... ?"

Mr. Anderson chuckles. "Right. Good luck with that. I have no intention of going anywhere."

The attendant shakes his head. "I'm sorry but... " He turns to Mr. Anderson "... I'm going to have to ask you gentlemen to leave. We need to keep this area clear."

Mr. Anderson's eyelids narrow to slits. "What?"

"We have a capacity limit." The man points to a sign posted nearby. Neither Mr. Anderson nor Simon looks. "Skaters and coaches only. Everyone else has to go back to the bleachers."

"Are you kidding me!?"

"Unless you have a pass... "

Mr. Anderson looks at the three boys. They lift laminated tags attached to lanyards hanging around their necks. Blaine's says 'Skater' in neon green letters, Kurt's says 'Assistant Coach' in bright orange, and Sebastian's says 'Coach' in yellow. Mr. Anderson and Simon have no such lanyards.

Technically, they don't even have tickets to the event.

Simon used the clout he has left to get them this far.

"I'll have to call security if you don't leave," the man interjects, reaching for his walkie.

Mr. Anderson sniffs, tries to retain his composure, but he's not a man used to taking no for an answer.

Or being bested by teenagers.

"I'll be seeing you boys again," he says low, like a threat.

"Absolutely!" Sebastian says. "Stop by Westerville Ice-plex anytime so my uncle can serve you that restraining order Blaine should have filed the first time around!"

Mr. Anderson doesn't look the least bit amused when rink staff leads him away, glaring venomously at them over his shoulder as he's escorted to the double doors. The three watch, waiting till he's completely out of sight before they breathe easy again.

"That was fun," Blaine says brightly, trying to make light of this newly tense situation.

"Loads," Kurt agrees.

"I'm so sorry about that. He had no right to talk to you guys like that. Especially you, Kurt."

Kurt smiles. It gets lost behind his faux Chanel mask, but luckily it reaches his eyes. "You don't need to apologize."

"Look, Blaine," Sebastian starts, "I'm really sorry for bringing up... "

"Don't worry about it," Blaine cuts in. He'd happily forgotten about that. He wants to drop it. "It shouldn't be a secret. That's how people like him get away with doing what he did."

"Still, it was kind of shitty."

"Yeah, but that wasn't your fault."

Sebastian puts a hand on Blaine's shoulder and gives it a squeeze. It's the closest thing to a hug he can offer.

"Come on." Kurt puts his hand over Sebastian's. "Let's go get Blaine's medals and head home, hmm?"

"Sounds like a plan." Blaine turns to Sebastian, disarming mischief in his hazel eyes. "So... about that three-way... "

"You mean you, leftie, and rightie?" Sebastian winds a possessive arm around his boyfriend and ushers him quickly through the crowd towards the medal stand. "Be sure to tell us all about it in the morning."

#Kurtbastian #sebkurt #sekurt #sebastian smythe #kurt hummel #figure skating #blaine anderson

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fencesandfrogs · 4 years ago

Text

a follow up from this post where i talk about math and me as a kid.

Wait you have dyscalculia but are a math major? Wow I have dyscalculia but I like the philosophy of math I guess like I sorta forced myself to get into it to learn, I feel I can do basic so for me it's mainly the math anxiety

@totallysweetheart

tl/dr: the part of my brain that deals with abstract/tangible is, i think, broken, because i can’t deal with numbers as real things, but i can do that with polynomials or w/e.

so to summarize, based on wikipedia’s list of dyscalculia symptoms, here is me:

analog clocks: i’m fine to 15min in real life where i know the time of day, but in a vacuum, most real clocks r tricky. doesn’t come up. the teaching clocks i’m usually fine with because the minute hour hands are really distinct.

larger numbers: depends on presentation. purely verbally? no. visually? depends. if they both start with the same number it’s harder.

sequencing issues: not really.

financial planning: bank accounts are black magic and my mom still manages mine. i err on the side of frugal, which lead me with like 50% of my college meal plan unspent last semester.

visualizing numbers: no. nope. can’t do. not at all. numbers r fake.

arithmetic: it sucks, a lot. i’m better at multiplying and adding, and it’s gotten better because i did a lot of practice a few years ago, but i still prefer calculators.

number writing difficulties: yeah? hard to say i’ve been doing algebraic stuff for a long time and that really cuts down on the number of places to make those kinds of mistakes.

concepts and practice: this is where i’m strongest. my math conceptual game is strong as hell, and i don’t usually struggle with putting it into practice. even word problems i’m pretty strong at because like. it’s just math.

names of numbers: not really an issue.

left/right: also not really an issue. although it takes me a second.

spatial awareness: doesn’t exist. just. doesn’t. people don’t believe me then they ask me how long something is and i say like three feet and they’re like “it’s taller than you” and i’m like “oh really? huh the more you know”

time: im timeblind af. also adhd tho so that doesn’t help.

maps: ehhhhh. hard to say. I’m okay with some parts of maps but not others. this has definitely improved since school.

working backwards in time: i have an app for that its beautiful and i love it

music: i am good at music notation. not great at rhythm but i’m good at music in general.

dance: i did 12 years of dance. i’m not amazing, but it was a nonissue.

estimation: see: time, spatial awareness (the answer is i cannot)

remembering formulas, etc: i’m usually good at remembering this stuff.

concentration: adhd already so? maybe?

faces, names: i do not do very well here.

so like. i basically have the best possible set of symptoms to become a math major. i kind of skirted attention as a kid because i could get around a lot of my difficulties and didn’t really have anything to do but use brute force to cram multiplication facts into my head.

and because i had this really strong conceptual understanding, i just sort of survived until algebra. at which point i was very happy.

because basically most of my dyscalculia issues revolve around numbers and the real world. i can’t do time, i can’t estimate, i can’t really work with numbers. but i can work with algebra because the concepts were fine. there was just a road block.

for me, it’s kind of like having a major speech disorder in your native language. speech in the your mouth doesn’t work, not the language issues. as a kid i loved writing because the words came out the way they were in my head. they didn’t get shuffled and mangled. and that’s also how i felt about algebra. like, look! you don’t have to worry about getting the numbers right if you can move the variables around,

and obviously it’s not that complicated because i’m skipping basically from fifth grade to my junior year of high school, but even though it was a constant friction between me and everyone about why i kept making careless mistakes, even after other adhd stuff got treatment, it was generally acknowledged that i knew what i was doing, so i never really developed math anxiety.

and as a math major, like, numbers are not a very large part of what you do. i use wolfram alpha a lot for solving that sort of thing. i do stuff that’s more about the logic parts of math. lil puzzles waiting to be solved.

it really does feel kind of like the abstract and tangible parts of my brain were swapped. because numbers really do feel abstract, but figuring out the equations of a graph is a fun game to play with friends. i usually get the constants wrong, but that’s besides the point.

i’m not entirely sure if this was helpful and/or clarifying in any way. if asked, i will usually not mention dyscalculia because? it just doesn’t feel very relevant/serious. because my management strategy is: don’t do anything with numbers and estimation ever. and then that works, because i don’t have to. it’s only really relevant in the context of me, a child, very confused about why those centimeter cubes exist, etc.

and also, as i got older, i dug more and more into theory and proofs. learning about numbers as entities that follow rules was a really useful thing for me. learning about negative numbers made subtraction easier for me because it wasn’t addition in reverse, it was addition of a negative number. which made more sense to me.

i struggled in high school geometry because of all of the numbers and angles (i have a shirt somewhere that says “all i learned in geometry is that you can’t measure shapes”) and every time someone pointed out applications to me i kind of just went “okay but there are rulers for that”

and i do like geometry! i like how we can build properties out of simple rules and how shapes behave and its really cool you only need like 5 postulates to build a lot of geometry but if you make me deal with too many angles and i want to cry

so yeah. uh. i’m a math major & it works because when we deal with numbers, they’re almost variables in themselves? like okay we’re going to use 0 and 1 here to apply this theorem but the numbers themselves aren’t relevant.

here is a screenshot from my calc textbook, if this helps make my point. most of these concepts are things i can just. put in my head and hold the way people who can think about numbers describe numbers to me.

i have no idea where u are in ur life but if u like math from the logic side, then pure math exists and its p cool. usually you gotta get thru calculus, and then take a course in proof writing (at my uni it’s called “transition to advanced math”) at which point everything turns into theorems and proofs and the most number intensive course is probability. i don’t even need statistics credits to graduate.

this was a lot and i tried to wrap it up like 3 times and then i had more to say because i think a lot abt math and the fact that i was lucky to have the right opportunities to not entirely chase myself away from the field (which is a lot more words and i should probably work on my hw) but if u have more questions lemme know bc! i am very dedicated to exposing people to math and why i love it.

#dyscalculia #twice exceptional #university #math #mine #txt #25th #January #2021 #January 25th 2021 #ask #not really but also yes #learning disabilitiies #essay

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jacksgreysays · 5 years ago

Note

Could/should/did prompt Shikako in bnha?

it could have gone like this:

"How does your quirk work?" the girl at the bar asks. She's far too young to be at a bar, but no one can make her leave.

... which is alarming considering this is also the headquarters for the League of Villains and she very much is not part of said league.

Not that Kurogiri isn't trying to fix that. "If you join us, I'll tell you," he says mildly, sliding a drink over to her. Non-alcoholic, of course.

"Hm, I'd rather not," she responds equally mild, casual as she drinks the beverage, unafraid.

Kurogiri shrugs and continues his work. Just because he's trying to recruit her, doesn't mean he's going to be pushy about it. And anyway, he'll just ask her again tomorrow, same as yesterday and the day before and the day before that.

"Were you able to find your... Gelel, was it?" he asks conversationally. He's considering cooking something, a proper meal and not just snack food, something high in nutrition.

The girl sighs, staring off forlornly into the distance. After a moment of silence, she says quietly, "No."

Maybe a stew? Something filling and comforting?

"I... I don't think I'll meet Gelel again."

Frazzled for some reason, Kurogiri slides an entire jar of cherries to her.

She looks up at him confused before opening it and sliding both the jar and the lid back.

He blinks and is grateful that his expressions are near impossible to parse. "So what are your plans now?" Kurogiri asks, hoping that is less of a land mine.

The girl shrugs, fiddles with the end of her braid, "I'm not entirely sure. I wasn't really planning on being here long term."

He looks around, a quick glance upstairs, assessing, "Do you have a place to stay?"

She shoots him a wry smile, "I'm still not joining your league."

"It's not my league," he corrects her.

She rolls her eyes. "The league you are a part of," she amends.

Kurogiri shrugs, acquiesces. He considers what living necessities a normal person who isn't an undead entity made of fog and shadows might have. "Do you have anyone who could help? Friends? Family?"

At this, the girl's expression shutters again, and Kurogiri curses himself internally. After another silent moment of contemplation, she meets his eyes. Her face as inscrutable as his lack of one.

"Something like that."

---

it should have gone like this:

It's different this time, Shikako thinks, wider and far more unpredictable. Impossibly overwhelming. At least there is the semblance of morality--good versus evil, heroes against villains--but that doesn't really hide the truth of it:

Once more, Shikako finds herself born into a world of child soldiers.

Damn it.

But she thinks she can keep herself out of it. Her family aren't heroes, though they do make devices and gadgets that help heroes with their jobs. There isn't an oncoming apocalyptic disaster on the horizon--or, at least, not that she knows of. She can live her life in relative peace, stay out of the thick of things. She wants to thrive in this world of powers without prophecies, relearn to love invention without the desperation that had pushed her before.

Although if she happens to create things that are helpful to heroes that's not really getting herself involved, that's just contributing to society and also following in her new parents' footsteps. And everyone knows that UA's Support Department is the best in the country, it only makes sense to apply for that school.

And, yes, she may have gone a little over the top during the test but, really, they were robots and where else would she have the opportunity to test her limits (or lack thereof) without fear of bystander casualties? And, what, was she not supposed to help out her fellow test takers when they needed it? That's just common decency.

Honestly, she has no idea how she ended up in the Hero Department's Class 1-A.

She also does not understand why Principle Nezu won't let her transfer into the Support Department--obviously, she'll do the most good there. She has a portfolio to prove it!

... Although that just backfires on her because instead of getting transferred, she just gets an additional period added to the end of her daily schedule where she and Mei Hatsume--who maybe lives in the Development Studio--unintentionally compete for most volatile inventions under the exhausted supervision of Power Loader. And she still has to deal with the even more volatile personalities in the Hero class with Aizawa-sensei's frankly bizarre teaching style.

If she weren't who she was--if she didn't remember--she probably wouldn't be able to balance things as well as she does. Although she doesn't really connect with her classmates as much as she probably should, hasn't really fallen into a group the same way others have. The occasional exchanges she has with Dark Shadow has made them friends of a sort, she thinks, though maybe not. Except for minor conversations over homework or the weather, she doesn't really talk to anyone in Class 1-A.

Of course, this changes after they are attacked in the USJ. Asui helps her out in the Flood Zone when Shikako is taken by surprise--teleported into water, not her best moment--and together with Midoriya they regroup with some of their other classmates only to find Aizawa-sensei in the middle of being brutally murdered.

And something within her snaps:

Because this isn't her home and these aren't her teammates and she doesn't really want to be a Hero, not really, but... Rule Number One.

Maybe its not so different after all.

---

but it actually went like this:

When the students of UA move into the newly built Heights Alliance en masse, each class finds a fun addition to their ranks.

"Three in your case," the girl with the braid says to the collective curiosity of Class 1-A. "Apparently your class is... special," she says it with an almost diplomatic smile, but from the unimpressed expressions on her compatriots' faces it's not exactly a compliment.

Iida, ever the dutiful class representative, is the first to respond. "Isn't it too late in the year for you to transfer to UA? And while the dorms are capable of housing additional students, I don't believe our classroom will be able to do the same. Though that is not to say that you are unwelcome, rather, that we would not want you to feel unaccommodated."

The other girl, the one with purple hair and a scowl, scoffs, "You've already met us, we're Agents. We're not joining your class. Why would we want to be Hero students?" With her expression and crossed arms, she could not convey more disgust with the very idea if she had spat on the floor.

Some of class bristle at the insult, Bakugou audibly snarls, but when the last Agent, a boy with black hair, slants a disapproving glance in her direction she looks away, chastised.

Quick to clarify, the first Agent says, "We'll be living with you in the dorms, but we'll continue our educations separately. For you, UA has become a boarding school. For us, we'll commute to our respective schools. But thank you for your concern."

"But if you're not students, then why are you here?" asks Kaminari, practically emanating confusion.

The male Agent, with a somehow even more disapproving expression, sighs. "Your teacher should have been the one to tell you."

"Your principle, along with building the Heights Alliance, has acquired the services of our Agency as another deterrent to Villains," explains the friendly Agent. "Most of the buildings have only Agent assigned, but given your class history you get the three of us. I'm Agent Bat," she introduces herself with an almost awkward little wave.

"Agent Hawk," says the boy, nodding in greeting.

The purple haired girl, arms still crossed, rolls her eyes, "Possum."

"Possum and I will be on the second floor, Hawk will be on the fourth floor. If you have any information or suspicians of Villain incursions and activities you can come to any of us. We also have a trained medic in 1-B's dorm, Agent Slug, she'll probably introduce herself later today. Otherwise you can just pretend like we're not here," Agent Bat says.

"So you're just going to be... watching us?" asks Ashido.

Agent Bat shakes her head. "No, no, just consider us as neighbors. When it comes to Villains, your concerns are our concerns."

His already minimal patience worn thin, Bakugou finally explodes, "We don't need any fucking babysitters!"

While most of his classmates wouldn't phrase it the same, the sentiment is shared amongst them. They've survived so much already--random interlopers trying to take control just grates on them.

"Well it's not your choice, now is it?" Agent Possum shoots back, ready and raring to match Bakugou's irritation with her own. "We're Agents and this is our mission. If you want to be pissy about it, it doesn't matter. Although if you're going to act like a brat, no wonder your principle thinks you need babysitters."

"We're not actually your babysitters," Agent Hawk clarifies, tone apathetic. "We're not here to protect you."

"The dorms and your sensei are your security. We're not your bodyguards." Agent Bat continues with an almost sheepish shrug that fails to mitigate the coldness of her words, "You're our bait."

A/N: I realize this ask box event is essentially tripling the amount of effort required for each prompt... I mean, I’m still enjoying it. But like... far more challenging than I thought it would be going into it.

Anyway, the “actually happened” section is based off of my fic built on a hill (light the fire)

For the Could/Should/Actually Fic Ask Box Event!

#jacksgreyson #anonymous #prompt response #writing #fanfiction #could should actually fic #dreaming of sunshine #naruto #built on a hill (light the fire)#boku no hero academia #shikako nara #kurogiri #tenya iida #sasuke uchiha #ami mitarashi #denki kaminari #mina ashido #katsuki bakugou

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everwitch-magiks · 4 years ago

Text

dance with somebody (ch. 16)

start from ch. 1 | back to ch. 15

When Dex steps into Chowder’s bedroom, his single knock on the open door no more than a nostalgic habit, these days, as opposed to a present requirement, he’s certainly not expecting to be faced with, well. With this.

“What’re you doing?”

Chowder looks up. He’s sitting cross-legged on the floor with a myriad of different colored post-it notes spread out around him. Dex crouches down, picking up a couple of the notes (yellow and pink, respectively) to skim through their contents. Louis, helped solve Halloween cupcake disaster, 2 points. Hops, volunteered to do dishes entire week, 6 points.

Dex raises both eyebrows towards Chowder. Chowder, meanwhile, is staring down at the colorful mess surrounding him with a decidedly troubled expression. He sighs.

“I’m figuring out my dibs.”

“With a points system?” Dex prompts. He’s not sure if he’s impressed or concerned. “Looks ambitious.”

“I just don’t want anyone to think that I’m being unfair,” Chowder explains glumly. He picks up a green post-it (Jader, gave up half his vanilla scone at breakfast, 1 point) and stares at it dejectedly. “Or that I don’t care about them. Oh no, what if I pick Jader, and then Joyo inevitably assumes that I hate him? I could never do that to Joyo."

“Dude,” Dex says. He’s trying very hard not to smile. “You don’t have to make a decision yet, you know? It’s not even Christmas.”

Chowder frowns.

“It's almost Christmas.”

“I suppose,” Dex agrees carefully. “Are you sure this isn’t just some big procrastination project? Got any big finals looming, hm?”

“Finals,” Chowder scoffs. “Are finals really more important than the precious feelings of our hardworking underclassmen?”

“Oh my God. What’s all this?”

Nursey strolls into the room without knocking. He places a kiss on top of Dex’s head and then plops himself down between Dex and Chowder, his hand lingering softly at Dex’s nape.

“Chowder is having a bit of a dibs crisis,” Dex fills him in.

“Oh, man. Hard same.” Nursey frowns. “I was dead set on giving mine to Ford. Of course Ollie and Wicks had to go and snag her, first.”

“She and Tango seem pretty happy up in the attic, though,” Dex points out. "And this way, you get to be hausmates with both of them this year."

“I suppose that's true," Nursey allows. Then he shrugs. "And I guess I’ve still got Louis. He’s let me borrow his good bluetooth speakers basically this whole semester, so. Might be an option."

“What?” Chowder exclaims. “No, wait, I might pick Louis. You two couldn't maybe give me some time to figure this out, before you stake your claims?"

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works, C,” Dex tells him gently.

“That’s definitely not how it works,” Nursey agrees, his grin playful yet his tone kind. “If there’s someone you have in mind, Chow, you should just go for it. You snooze, you lose."

Chowder whips his head around, aiming his wide, pleading eyes at Dex.

“You’re not considering Louis, too, are you?”

“Honestly? I wish I was considering anyone.” Dex sighs. “I would’ve gone with Whiskey, but obviously that’s out, and I feel like the Waffles have gotten this strange aversion to doing any of those dibs type favors for me since I became captain. I think they don’t want to act like they’re sucking up for the wrong reasons, or something.”

“Maybe give them some proper incentive?” Nursey suggests merrily. “If word got out that you’re, like, completely undecided about dibs, I’m sure both the Waffles and the Scones would be falling all over themselves to please you. Might be fun to watch.”

“Nah. I’ll figure it out eventually.” Dex shrugs. “Graduation is still really far away. I’m not gonna worry about it, yet.”

“It’s not that far away,” Chowder disagrees. He sounds serious. “Guys, it’s almost Christmas. That means we're graduating in less than six months.”

Dex very nearly flinches. Six months? How is that even possible?

“That can’t be right,” Nursey says slowly. His expression has turned uncharacteristically unchill. “Fuck. Why haven’t I applied to more grad programs, yet?”

“I need to start looking at job listings more seriously,” Chowder chimes in. He's looking down at his post-its with an expression that’s unusually difficult to read. “I guess I can't put it off forever."

“Hey,” Dex says. He’s trying his best to sound reasonable, despite his own inner turmoil. Suddenly, the feeling of Nursey’s hand that’s still resting at his nape seems more important than ever. “It’s not over yet. We’ve still got a whole semester.”

“Yeah,” Nursey says quickly. “Yeah, you’re right. And even after, it’s not like you guys are ever gonna be rid of me. Got your backs, remember?”

“That's true,” Chowder agrees quietly. He’s not smiling, Dex notes with no small amount of concern. Especially considering the fact that Chowder kind of hasn't smiled at all since the start of this conversation. His whole expression looks wrong, somehow, without that familiar spark of effortless joy. “It’s all happening so fast. I wish everything could slow down, just a bit.”

“We’re just gonna have to make every moment count,” Dex says firmly. Impulsively, he reaches for Chowder’s shoulder. “We’re here for you, man. You know that, right? We're always gonna look out for each other. Always."

“Of course. Yeah, of course.” Thankfully, that seems to do the trick – Chowders lips curl into a soft grin. "Ugh. I think I'm just gonna go through my notes for that UX design final one more time. Can't be more stressful than trying to choose a single Waffle for dibs."

"Or a Scone," Nursey reminds him brightly. "There's some good freshies, too, let's not forget."

"Says you, who's got your eye on Louis, too," Chowder points out with an amused roll of his eyes. "I may be panicking, Nurse, but I'm certainly not stupid."

"Ah, and here though myself completely subtle." Nursey grins. "Weren't you gonna study?"

"Actually, yes." Chowder gets to his feet, only to immediately pause. He narrows his eyes towards Nursey. "But if you lock down Louis while I'm stuck cramming user interface design techniques, you can expect some serious payback."

"Chill, man." Nursey's grin softens. "Look, I haven't actually decided on Louis yet, but if it would make you feel better we could have some sort of dibs treaty until the end of finals week. After that, it's anyone's game. Sounds good?"

"I suppose that’s fair." Chowder nods, and Dex is relieved to see the genuine smile he offers in return. "I think I left my books downstairs, so. See you guys later."

He pads out of his room, leaving Dex and Nursey alone in the sea of post-its.

Immediately, Nursey scoots a little closer to Dex.

"Just us, huh," he remarks, his tone a clear attempt at casual even though his smile indicates otherwise. "D'you wanna get lunch, or something?"

Dex hesitates.

"I've actually got some things I need to work on," he says carefully. "Could we maybe meet up later?"

"Sure. Of course." Nursey's response comes just a little bit too quickly. "That's chill, man. Whatever you need."

Dex studies his boyfriend's expression for a moment. It's been a concern of his, ever since he started setting aside time to work on his secret project, that Nursey might eventually start to realise there's something Dex isn't telling him. Dex has been monitoring carefully for any sign of doubt or confusion on Nursey's end, and this is the first time he thinks he's seeing exactly that in the subtle frown that's replaced Nursey's relaxed smile from a moment earlier. Obviously, it's the opposite of what Dex hopes to achieve with his secrecy.

Thankfully, the solution is very simple.

"Hey," Dex says quietly. "It's for you."

Nursey looks puzzled.

"I'm doing something for you," Dex clarifies. "That's why I've been a little busy, lately. It's going to be a surprise."

"Oh," Nursey says. He sounds surprised, already. "You're… Huh. What is it?"

Dex grins softly.

"A surprise. Duh."

Nursey raises a curious eyebrow.

"Don't I get a hint?"

"You really don't understand the concept of a surprise, do you?"

"Fine. Be that way." Nursey smiles a little excitedly, and Dex relaxes a bit. "I suppose I'll see you at dinner, then? The guys all want to go to Jerrys.”

"Actually, can we do dinner just you and me?" Dex asks quickly. "There's been so much team stuff, lately, and I've honestly kind of missed us. Tonight, I want to just... Order in. Preferably from someplace that makes a mean garlic bread. And after, we should put on Netflix and get in bed so I can cuddle you while you rant about the dubious plot changes in another one of those Austen adaptations."

Nursey blinks. For some reason, he's staring at Dex with a serious look in his eyes, one that's only vaguely familiar.

"What?" Dex asks, a little self-consciously. Was it something he said? “You like those period dramas. Don’t you?”

Nursey drops his gaze. He takes Dex's hands in his and holds them gently, almost like they're something delicate, like Dex is someone precious and worthy of protection.

"You're in love with me," he says quietly. "Aren't you?"

Oh, shit.

It's true, is the thing. And honestly, Nursey can’t have been unaware of it up until this moment. Really, he must have known. Dex might never have said it in so many words, and they’ve technically only dated for a few months, but it’s not like either of them are blind to the fact that they were dancing around this thing between them for several years, before. That goodnight kiss out on the porch at the very first kegster of the fall was never the beginning.

Dex briefly considers making some sort of joke to downplay this moment, if only to stop Nursey from being completely obnoxious about it in a minute or so. Except, the heavy look in Nursey’s eyes compels him to make a different choice.

"Yeah," Dex says, almost steadily. "I am in love with you. Quite hopelessly, actually."

Nursey’s breath hitches. He squeezes Dex hands tightly, and then he’s leaning over, capturing Dex’s lips in a fiercely desperate kiss that leaves Dex completely breathless. And if Dex didn’t feel it so completely, just then, in every achingly delicate touch of Nursey’s fingers against his cheek, his throat, all the way down his chest, he might’ve been a bit anxious about the fact that, technically, Nursey didn’t actually say it back.

As it is, Dex isn’t worried. If anything, he’s amused.

“You’re welcome,” he chirps gently after they break apart. “I guess I should be thankful you didn’t just tell me to chill, or whatever.”

“Fuck you, man,” Nursey breathes out, his voice breaking in a way Dex didn’t expect at all. “Also, just, shut up, okay? You already know that I’m writing literal fucking poetry about you, about your freckles and your eyes and your hips and your smile and your stupid fucking lips, okay. I’d like to think you’ve been able to safely assume that I’m more than casually into you.”

“I’d like to think that’s the impression I’ve given you, too,” Dex says slowly. He feels a little confused. Suddenly, he’s tempted to drag Nursey across campus to the wood workshop and just show him, right now, to expose everything that he’s dreaming and hoping and wishing. “Nursey. Hey, Nurse. Look at me.”

“No, you’re right.” Nursey takes a breath. He meets Dex’s eyes with a watery smile. “I don’t know, man. It just hits differently, when you say it out loud. Feels more real. It’s like you spoke it into existence.”

“Maybe something for your next poem,” Dex teases gently. This moment feels too fragile, somehow. He racks his brain for some way to break the tension. “Did you ever read me the one about my hips?”

“Um.” Quickly, Nursey looks away, his smile suddenly more of a bashful grin. Bingo. “Did I mention that one, just now?”

“You did.” Dex grins, too, taking in Nursey’s clearly flustered expression with interest. Oh, this is gonna be good. “Tonight, okay? Read it to me, tonight.”

“I don’t… It’s not my most coherent work, probably.” Nursey clears his throat, and Dex grins a little wider. It’s not often that he manages to make Nursey this unsettled. “I mean, I’ll see if I can find it.”

“Suppose I’ll just have to inspire a new one, if you don’t,” Dex suggests slyly.

“Actually,” Nursey breathes out, already moving to climb into Dex’s lap. “That sounds-”

“Oh my God!” Chowder exclaims from the still open door. “We’ve been over this! You both have your own rooms, okay, you’ve literally got zero excuses for getting your freak on right in the middle of-”

Dex presses his lips briefly against Nursey’s before scrambling to his feet, quickly slipping past Chow into the hallway.

“Sorry, Chowder!” he calls out over his shoulder as he takes the stairs two steps at a time. “Love you, Nurse! Bye!”

“That’s a fine, isn’t it?” Pips calls from the living room as Dex practically sprints past. “Hey, wait! Major fine! Pay the fuck up!”

Dex let’s the door to the Haus fall shut behind him. As he makes the now familiar trek across campus, he doesn’t stop smiling for a single moment.

ch. 17

#check please #omgcheckplease #omgcp #will poindexter #chris chow #derek nurse #nurseydex #dexnursey #dibs #friendship #romance #chirping as flirting #dance with somebody #evie writes #fanfiction

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k7l4d4 · 3 years ago

Text

Midnight Striga: Fairy Tail/Owl House Cross Fic Episode 6 Part 5

Hello all, and welcome back to another exciting rendition of Midnight Striga! Everybody Clap Your Hands!!

Eda grumbled, shifting her weight as she hunkered through the crowds, King prowling along beside her. She despised the Night Market, as it was basically a physical embodiment of justification for Bonehead’s rule; hard to stand up against the person who’s keeping you and your family safe from scummy criminals selling shady and dangerous stuff, even by the standards of the Isles!! She snorted. If only those same people knew that Bonehead’s goons were perfectly aware of the Night Market and could shut it down and round up its proprietors whenever they liked, and kept it around BECAUSE it was a convenient, tangible justification.

“Ugh! This place smells like failure and backstabbing.” King complained, warily scanning the surroundings, a spell prepped and ready to deploy at a moment’s notice.

Eda huffed. “Yeah, but if this ‘Grimm Hammer’ guy has Curse-Suppression potions, I can’t afford to stay away.” And didn’t it burn that she had to deal with scum like this for her health? She liked Morton, he was a good kid, but DAMN if his habit of testing his products, particularly the dangerous ones, on himself wasn’t grating at times like this. At least when he did it before he still had something in stock for her to use until he got back in shape.

King nodded solemnly, by his standards at any rate. He glanced around, idly taking note of the various comers and goers wandering the market, all doing their best to stay at least partially inconspicuous; it was probably pointless, considering just how unique and diverse appearances could get on the Isles, but at least they were putting in the effort. ‘I wonder if this is how Lilith got that curse.’ King wondered, his temper boiling at the thought of Eda’s sister stabbing her in the back like that. Aloud, he said, “You think this guy will try and screw us over?”

Eda laughed bitterly. “Oh absolutely! But,” She added with a feral grin, “If he does, we can always wreck the place.” She and King cheered at the thought of destroying private property.

With a snort, Eda glanced over the directions Mort had given her, comparing it to the shop before her. It wasn’t anything really special, just a stand aiming to draw the eye and lighten suckers’ wallets, but it had the signs of wear and tear you only got from long-term use and dedication. The owner was probably a scumbag, true, but they were a scumbag with pride in their business and property. Raising an eye at King, and getting a raised eyebrow in return, the two headed inside. A tall figure landed onto the ground in a crouch behind them.

Odalia marched down the halls, burying her worry under maternal fury. This was absolutely unacceptable!! She could not believe Amity was acting so disgracefully, cutting her off like that! With a huff, she finally crossed into the room, primed and ready to start shouting, heedless of the damage her outburst would do to her daughter’s social standing, only to blink in numb surprise at the sight of the humans, Amity’s guard notwithstanding, now in the room. “Um, Mittens? What is going on?” She asked as diplomatically as she could.

Amity sighed, and what proceeded was another rapid-fire round of introductions between the group and Odalia. Odalia’s eyes sharpened at several key points, namely that Neon was an heiress, and had been granted guards as a result of her magic, important details. “So,” Odalia drawled, a calculating gleam in her eyes, “You mentioned that you gave predictions, Miss Nostrade?” She stated more than asked; as annoyed as she was at Amity’s antics (and it was definitely annoyance, absolutely nothing more), this was admittedly an opportune moment to gain a better look into Human Magic, particularly in an area of overlap such as Oracle magic and predictions.

“Yeah, it sounds super interesting!” Selena piped up, engaging in the conversation. “I LOVE Oracle Magic, so seeing how Humans do it is like Oracle Magic times two!” She cheered, scooching close.

“Okay, if you really want!” Neon agreed, oblivious to the sudden tensing of her guards. She quickly pulled out a sheet of paper and a cat-themed pen. “I just need your names, date of birth, and your blood type!” She hummed, a blissful grin on her face. Odalia and Selena blinked, but both complied, much to the interest of the others, save Luz who’d seen what was coming in action before. The group reared back, startled at the deep blue aura that surged up around Neon, her normally bright and clear eyes fading and turning glassy, like a doll. Her hand pulled back, a winged thing manifesting around it, intoning “Lovely Ghostwriter.” In a blur, Neon rapidly inscribed a series of poems upon the paper, her hand blurring across the page that they couldn’t make out the actual words she was writing down. Suddenly, her hand stopped, a total of eight stanzas composed before her on two seperate sheets, which she promptly handed over to the correct recipient. “And there you go!” She beamed.

“Wow, what do they say?” Skara asked, powering through the confusion and shock that had come over her at the sight of Neon’s spell.

“No idea!” Neon blithely replied, causing all the Witches to blink in shock, save Odalia and Selena, who were busy going over their poems.

Luz snorted at their surprise. “Yeah, Neon’s magic is totally involuntary after the activation point. She has no clue what she writes, isn’t aware that she was even writing until after the fact, and is physically incapable of reading whatever prediction she gives.” Luz clarified, admittedly relishing the looks of confusion she got in response.

“How does that even work!?” Amity asked, utterly bewildered. It was completely outside any known form of Oracle Magic, and she couldn’t help but notice the blanching faces of her mother and Selena.

Neon gave a pout, trying not to feel insulted at the slight at her skills. “Predictions are for the people, not for the predictor!” She childishly stated, huffing in displeasure.

They turned to Luz, a look screaming for an explanation upon their faces. “Hey, it makes as much sense to me as it does for you all.” She lightly protested. Seeing they weren’t convinced, she ultimately relented, clarifying, “I’m not sure why it turned out like that, but Neon is completely self-taught, but no one has ever said she’s not good at what she does.” She fixed them with a strong stare, almost daring them to question her. “Neon’s predictions always cover the month of when she gives them, offering insight as to what will happen later, with advice being given for dangerous or difficult moments coming up, and clarity as to what led to events that have already happened. And Neon’s predictions are always perfectly accurate to boot.” She sat back, letting that sink in.

Willow was the first to recover. “B-But that goes outside any known example of Oracle Magic!” She stammered, shock coloring her eyes. “Even the best Oracles have some level of failure or inaccuracy!”

Luz shrugged. “I don’t know what to say, but that’s never really applied to Neon.” The girl in question merely beamed in pride at that, puffing out her chest.

“Neon is the greatest! Ohohohohoho!” She cheerfully laughed, pulling one hand to her mouth in a look of haughty delight, only for Luz to playfully chop her on the head. “Ouchie!”

“Please don’t strike my charge again, Miss Noceda.” Kurapika sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, even as his fellow guards just snorted at the by-play between the two mages.

“Yeah, the lassy needs her brain intact, you know?” Basho called out, a cheerful smile on his face. He winced at the swift jab to his rib Baise gave him.

Baise snorted. “Maybe don’t insult our boss, idiot.” She drolly stated, arms crossed.

“I’ve honestly been wondering, but if you guys are guards for a mage, are you mages yourselves?” Gus asked, tone casual, if you discounted the notebook primed for writing held before him that is.

“Well, as a matter of fact, we are.” Kurapika cordially replied, showing the chains affixed to his hand, small steel rings linking a separate chain to each finger. “I myself employ Chain Magic, allowing me to manipulate and command my chains for a variety of effects.” He gave a mysterious grin. “Though, some of my best spells are unfortunately kept rather limited.”

“Huh, why is that?” Gus asked, furiously scrawling down the enigmatic blonde’s answer.

“Well, I won’t go into the specifics, but it is possible to augment one’s spells, particularly complex or unusual ones, by infusing them with limitations as to how and when you can use them, or giving them conditions as to when they can be activated.” Kurapika explained. “A solid example would be, say, creating a spell that would allow you to defeat a specific foe, and then altering the spell so it literally cannot be used on anyone but that foe. Doing so would make that spell all the more powerful and flexible to use, but only when it’s conditions are fulfilled.”

The Witches paused, staring in shock at Kurapika, whereas his fellow guards and Luz just looked at him in amusement. Luz shrugged. “He’s not wrong, but most mages don’t usually do that, unless their magic works best under specific circumstances to start with. It’s usually something found in more exotic forms of magic, or with people who are self-trained.” All the Witches carefully took note of that for later.

Willow cleared her throat. “And what about the rest of you?” She asked politely.

Tolico puffed out his chest, grinning. “Well my magic is almost ideal for bodyguard duties, and just for messing with people. Observe!” He cried, swinging his arm up, before clapping it against the ground. “Thankless Soldiers!” From the point of contact, a dark purple aura billowed up off the floor, flexing and morphing into the image of 12 dark figures in robes, standing at attention. “Now, you guys go outside and patrol the area, we don’t want any intruders, alright?” He stated, and the constructs moved out, silently and without issue.

“Wow! You can create soldiers to fight for you!?” Gus exclaimed, stars in his eyes.

“Yeah, but they’re fragile to any trained mage, can’t move very fast, and their only solid advantage is numbers.” Baise said, instantly taking the wind out of Tolico’s sails. Baise smirked at the pouting glare Tolico shot her. “As for myself… my magic isn’t something kiddies like you should learn about until you’re older.” She stated, the aimless leer on her face sending nervous shivers down the group’s collective spine.

“HA! My Haiku Magic allows me to compose poetry, and gain effects based on those poems by sacrificing them!” Basho proudly stated, crushing a tablet of paper in his fist, causing it to erupt in flames, to the awe of the crowd.

“My magic isn’t really anything special,” Squala stated bashfully, rubbing his head. “I can manipulate and command dogs, but not a whole lot else.”

“And I can create effects by playing my flute.” Melody added in a soft tone. The Witches pondered that briefly, but accepted it, not every form of magic was going to be out there and radically different from what they knew.

“W-What is this!?” Odalia whispered, drawing the group’s attention to her and Selena, who were both shuddering over the predictions Neon had given them. She whipped around, wild eyes staring at Neon, who cocked her head in confusion. She marched over, oblivious to the stares her actions were garnering from the group, and the level glares of Neon’s bodyguards, all prepped to intercept her. “Are you certain this is accurate!?” She demanded, almost rabid fear in her eyes, waving her prediction in emphasis.

“Hmm?” Neon made a questioning noise, uncomprehending? “What do you mean? Neon’s predictions are always right!” She huffed, confused and annoyed at the idea of her predictions being wrong. Didn’t this old lady know anything!? Whatever was written would happen, completely true! Silly old lady! ...Why was she still getting closer?

With a scowl, Odalia drew level with the childish girl, her temper and fear mixing into a recklessness-inducing cocktail. “Now listen here!” Odalia hissed, reaching out towards the girl, oblivious to the mounting anger of her guards, as well as the fear flickering in Neon’s eyes. “Do you have any idea-”

“Miss Blight.” Luz called out sharply, drawing the woman’s attention. Glancing around, she blanched at the scene; her daughter’s guests were staring at her in a mix of fear and disgust, while Amity and the Park girl were glaring at her in a mixture of disappointment and rage. Her daughter’s guard, the human girl, Luz, was watching her with a carefully blank face, idly flipping a glowing knife in between her hands. The Neon girl’s guards were preparing to attack her, she noted with dread, and when she turned her gaze back to Neon, she finally noticed the way she was trembling, along with the faint tears in her eyes. Flushing, Odalia quickly pulled away. “Oh my dear, I am so sorry, child! I-I have no idea what came over me-” Odalia hastily explained, twitching slightly.

“Save it.” Luz said flatly, subtly moving in between Neon and Odalia, and also between Odalia and Neon’s guards. “Don’t worry, people have reacted a lot worse to Neon’s predictions in the past, they just usually aren’t in the same room as her when they do so. I would recommend heading back to your husband for the night.” She ‘suggested,’ idly cocking her head to the still upset group surrounding them.

Odalia flushed, but didn’t argue. “I believe you are correct in that respect.” She gave a shaky bow. “I bid you all a good evening, and I hope the Conjuring goes well.” And with that, Odalia beat a hasty retreat, mind swirling over what to tell Alador.

Skara cleared her throat, wanting to dispel the tension in the air. “Well then! Unless I’m wrong, the Moon should be in position for the conjuring to start!” She said, forcing a note of cheer into her voice. The Witches grumbled, still tense after Odalia’s little scene, but no one argued, wanting to move on from the uncomfortable moment. Amity sent a worried glance towards Neon, who quickly waved it off after noticing the attention.

“Oh, go have fun! I’m fine!” She said, a shaky grin on her face. With a scowl, Amity relented, heading over to the others. Amity, Cat, Amelia, and Selena formed a circle of four, while Gus, Willow, Bo, and Skara formed another, each surrounding one of Amity’s old dolls. As they started chanting, the guards, Neon, and Luz watched on.

Kurapika turned an inquiring gaze towards Luz. “Do you know what’s going on?” He asked, a note of genuine curiosity in his voice.

Luz snorted. “Apparently, this is supposed to be a Lunar Ritual that animates an object through the magical power of the Moon.” She explained flatly, her blank face showing how good of an idea she considered that.

Tolico stared, his dumbfounded expression mirrored by his fellow guards. “Are… they insane?” He croaked out, even as Neon cocked her head, not understanding.

“From what I’ve seen, the Isles has a very loose understanding of safety and wellbeing, beyond healthcare.” Luz replied, staring off into the distance. She leaned up against the wall. “Plus, from what I can tell, the Ritual is pretty minor stuff, and some cultural drift has more or less shot it in the foot.”

Kurapika raised an eyebrow, perplexed. “Hmm? What do you mean by that?” He asked.

Luz jerked a thumb at the ceiling, a smirk on her face. “The Ritual works by calling the power of the moon into the target through its Light, or at least that’s my understanding of how it works.” She gestured around. “Kind of hard to draw light into a target when all but a fraction of it ends up colliding with a building first.” Her smirk shifted into a thoughtful expression. “Although, it would probably be a different story if the house was possessed or merged with an animate existence; then the spell would probably just use the house itself as the target instead.”

Kurapika gave a wry grin. “I imagine you won’t be telling them until after they fail, correct?” He asked rhetorically, Luz’s mischievous laugh being all the confirmation he needed.

Luz, growing serious, sidled up next to Neon. “Hey, NeNe, you feeling okay?” She asked softly.

“Huh? Of course I am, LuLu!! She just got a little m-mad is all.” Neon said in what she must’ve thought was a reassuring tone of voice, a few alarms starting to go off in the heads of her guards.

Luz arched an eyebrow. “Oh? But you flinched when she reached for you.” She said, slowly sliding closer.

“T-That’s because I’m not used to people t-trying to hurt me ‘cause of my predictions!” Neon blustered, eyes shifting back and forth.

Luz eyes glistened. “Neon, show me your arm.” She said softly.

“Nono! I don’t wanna!” She cried, yanking away from Luz. Her guards glanced between themselves. Technically, they were required to do something, but if their and Luz’s suspicions were correct…

“NeNe, please. I can’t help if you don’t let me.” Luz said in as kind but as firm a voice as she could manage, gently trying to coax Neon close, worried she might scare her.

Hesitantly, fearful tears in her eyes, Neon allowed Luz to creep closer, and slowly pull back her sleeve. Luz did her best to keep from hissing at the sight. Neon’s arm was coated in bruises, blotchy and smeared, running the length of it, with a few looking as if they were cuts! Luz had a sinking feeling that Neon had many, MANY more all across her body. The tears flowing now, Luz glanced up to Neon’s sorrow-filled face, the image of burning rage branded across her guards’ faces in the background. “How long has this been going on?” She said softly, trying to keep Neon calm.

“S-Since *Hic!* m-my-y 11th birthday.” Neon confused, hiccups breaking up her words as tears started spilling out. “I-I d-don’t know-w w-why he *Hic!* keeps getting m-m-mad! I try to b-be a g-good-d girl, b-but he k-keeps getting angry!” Neon cried, her tears staining hers and Luz’s shirts. “I-I just want P-papa to be happy, but I can’t! A-and he gets mad, and hurts me… is something wrong with me?” She asked, almost begged, as snot started bubbling up from her nose, her face covered in red blotches of tears.

“No.” Luz stated firmly, tightly pulling Neon into a fierce hug, pressing the sweet girl’s face into the crook of her neck, uncaring of the snot and tears that would end up staining the outfit. It didn’t matter nearly as much as the hurt girl in her arms. “You did NOTHING wrong. He’s your father, the man who’s supposed to raise you, to protect you, and he betrayed that. He’s the one with something wrong with him. Not you… never you.” With that, what little self-control Neon had kept vanished, and she pulled fully into Luz’s embrace, tears surging as she silently wailed into her friend’s clothing.

‘She feels… like Mama’s hugs.’ Neon thought to herself.

‘She feels… so fragile.’ Luz wondered at the feeling of the delicate girl clinging to her, previously in joy… but this time in sadness and heartbreak. Luz’s thoughts shifted into rage. ‘If I EVER see her bastard father again… he’s not walking away.’

As Neon cried, Luz turned to her guards, mindful of supporting Neon’s weight while she did so. “So… what’s the plan?” She asked, fully prepared to rip the group apart if they were even considering bringing Neon back to that man.

The guards exchanged glances, before nodding in unison. Kurapika stepped forward. “We are not letting Mr. Nostrade getting his hands back on Miss Neon.” He said gravely, his voice brooking no argument. “We all accepted this job knowing it would bring us into contact with unsavory individuals, and that we may end up being required to do rather horrible things. But we all have lines we will never cross; enabling an abuser is one of them.” He stated, the other guards nodding in agreement behind him.

“The fact that our contract states that we’re supposed to be protecting the lassy from anything wanting to harm her just adds extra incentive.” Basho said, giving a humorless laugh. “We never expected that meant keeping her safe from her own father!” His grin shifted, showing all teeth. “We let the little miss down, ignoring the signs. If that piece of trash even comes near her, he dies.”

“Good.” Luz said flatly, turning a tender look towards Neon, who peaked her head up. “Hey, NeNe? You mind answering a question?”

“Okay.” Neon said timidly, cuddling up against Luz’s side. “What do you want to know?”

“Well, why did you come to the Isles?” Luz broached.

“Because… I didn’t want Papa to find me. I wanted to go somewhere he could never take me back.” Neon said softly, glancing away. “I wanna live like a normal girl. I wanna have friends.” Tears started pricking her eyes again. “I want to wake up, and see sunshine.”

Luz gave a heartbroken smile, clutching the girl tighter. “Don’t worry, you will.” She pulled Neon tight again. “I swear it.” She whispered to herself.

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savysavannah · 4 years ago

Text

Challenge 1

Special thanks to @damian-schreave and @hadleyjaneharper for the rps.

Also the last section is not in fic format because its 2am, im lazy, and you get the gyst from the RP. Apperantly this is too long so part 2 soon.

The Prince was off in Paloma for a bit so we were of little use in the Palace, no idea why they had us move in so early. Therefore, I’d spent most of the day with some books I’d grabbed from the library. Primarily they were legal books since it never hurts to brush up. But every once in a while, such as now I’d need to go and grab some food.

I brought my notepad and a book on contract law with me and walked into the kitchen. There was another girl also in the kitchen. We haven't spoken to each other, she didn’t seem unfriendly or particularly awful company, just hadn’t really had the moment to. I grabbed a plate of fruit and wondered if she would say anything. After a moment I sat down and resumed reading.

Then a small sad sigh came from the young woman who was looking down at her phone with a sad face. It wouldn’t be too bad if I took a break for some conversation. However, the young woman looked troubled, she may not be in the mood. I yawned and stretched then mumbled, but loud enough for her to hear, “God, I could use a drink.” and wondered if the other would take the bait.

There was a beat before the other spoke, “Long day?”

“More or less. Lots of reading, missing work. How about yourself?”

She shrugged “Its...different than what I’m used to. Lots of sitting still when I’m used to spending my days moving around.” SHe grimaces then sighed, “The adjustment period is always the toughest, though.”

I thought for a moment trying to remember the occupations of the selected, “The dancer?” I asked.

She grinned “Yeah. Hadley.” She raised an eyebrow, “And you?”

“Lawyer.” I said and stood from the table, walked over to Hadley and held her hand out, “Savannah Mars, Labrador, three.”

She shook my hand, “Nice to meet you.” then thought for a moment, “You said you were missing work? Do you work at a law firm?”

“Kinda. I work for the Illean Civil Liberties Union in their legal division. It's a non-profit which focuses on civil rights and for me civil legal cases. Lgbt+ rights defense, domestic defense, that sort of thing.”

“Oh, that’s really cool.” She said, seeming actually interested in my work. “Are you missing the casework, or something else?”

“It's pretty hard for me to step back from my work. Since I'm kind of left worrying about my clients. A new guy took over my cases but I'm trying to still work in my own way by studying up on some legal sections I work in less frequently but still may come up. Such as contract law.” I explained not fully hearing her other question.

She nodded, “I understand, sort of. I’m left worrying about how my ballet company is going to perform, with somebody else taking over the role in the Nutcracker that I’ve had the past few years.”

“Yeah the transition really is nerve wracking. Have you seen them perform though?” I asked hoping that could at least provide some solace.

“I’ve seen pictures on Instagram, but no videos yet. We were just finishing up our performance of Cinderella when I left. Nutcracker rehearsal started a few days after, but it’s a show we do each year, so... “ She sighed “ It /should/ be fine.”

I nodded, “well if they assigned them the role try and have faith in their qualifications. That's what I'm keeping in mind for mine. They did go to law school so it's fine. They got the role so it’s fine.” I said partially for her and partially for me.

She sighed a little hesitant, “Yeah, you’re probably right. Competition is just gonna be a bitch and a half when I’m sent back.” She chuckled wryly.

“Well maybe you'll win and then you won't have too. Who’s gonna take a role away from the future queen of Illea.”

“That’s extremely unlikely to happen.” She then almost smirked “What about you? If you win, nobody’s going to tell you no in a courtroom.”

I laughed, “If I win I'll kill myself.” Then I realized how dark that sounded, though it didn’t seem to phase her.

“I hate to say that I feel the same way, but…” She shrugged and nodded, “I feel the same way” For a moment I was confused, why would she join if she felt the same way? Then it clicked, a dancer would be a five, lower class, need the money.

“You're a five right? Did you apply for the money? If you don't mind my asking that is. It would just make sense why you'd dislike to win.”

“It…” She bit her lip, “Kind of? It’s a long story involving a deadbeat mom, a shitty health care system, two starving artists, and a kid with leukemia.” She said with an apologetic smile. Whatever she’d be apologizing for I can’t say.

“Well shit man, I'm glad you got in then. Both for the money and for a break from that. I know this society fucking sucks and we've got a likely shit for brains hier, but if you ever need a lawyer I'm here to help. Hopefully, being a three now will provide some help for you too.” I said then caught myself making a mental note to not be so vulgar with my language.

She gave me a small smile, “Thanks. Now I just have to figure out what I’m doing with the rest of my life, after throwing my career into dance, only to become a Three.” She laughed, “What about you? Why did you enter? It sounds like you had a pretty cushy gig going on.”

It wouldn’t be smart to tell the truth, but lying when Hadley had been so open felt wrong, I sighed and said, “My brother. Basically he forged my entry and I didn't want him to get into legal troubles for that. He's a fucking idiot.” I sighed and let that last cuss word slide as he is a fucking idiot.

She snorted, “Men really do only have two brain cells.” She gave a small smile, “I’m sorry that you ended up in that situation, though. That’s rough.”

“Yeah. I tried to beat him up but my other brothers stopped me. It was really a mess. Had to find out from a waitress asking for a photo with me.”

She shook her head, “My best friend told me that he was so upset to see me, “throwing my life away,” as if I hadn’t entered to help him and his brother.” Sounds like an ungrateful ass. She sighed and looked down at her fruit, “When did life get this messed up?”

A question with too big of an answer. A bit panicked and not knowing what to say I took a strawberry off my plate and held it out to her, “Fruit?”

She chuckled and took the strawberry, “Thanks.” She takes a bit, chews, and then pauses, looking at Savannah, “You know what I could really go for right now, though? A good gin and tonic.”

“God that'd be great. You know what, let's make some. One glass can't hurt.”

She shrugged, “Sure, sounds fun. I’m down.” She looks around, “I know they keep the wine in that cabinet, but I haven’t found the liquor yet.”

After gathering our ingredients we get to work making the glasses, “so, what's your plan in all this?”

“In the selection?” She raises an eyebrow and then shrugs, she starts pouring things into the mixer bottle, “Stay here for as long as I can so I keep making stimulus checks, and then get sent home before I’m stuck spending the rest of my life here.” She finishes pouring and looks at Savannah, “You?”

I sighed, “about the same. Give the money to the non-profit I work for. I was hoping I could root for you to win, you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders to influence him, but the more I think about it the more I realize that's like damning to hell.

She snorts, “Well, I still appreciate the compliment, and I would’ve said the same about you.” Then she sighs, “I’ve always known that it’s been like this, though. He gets to squander every penny he has on luxury shit, whereas my paychecks…” another sigh, “But life isn’t fair.”

“Yeah. And then waste the money on useless shit and trying to pass dumb laws like making 'cats' illegal instead of actually fixing the problems in this country.” I said and poured myself a glass of the drink.

She poured some for herself and then shook her head with an eye roll, “Don’t even get me started on that debacle. Why even joke about things like that?”

“Because he doesn't comprehend how the people of his own country are suffering. He's just so blind with privilege. Not that I have much to speak on but at least I freaking try to think about others in the country and their situations.”

She gave me a small smile, “You didn’t seem like the type to blow your money on worthless things to me, at all. I don’t even know what I’m going to say to him when we have that interview in a few days.”

“Yeah I think im just gonna be polite for the sake of not causing a scene that'll haunt me my whole life” I said and took a sip, then clarified, “polite though, not kind.”

She nodded then drank too, “I really went from putting on one type of show for Twos to another.”

“Any idea what you're gonna do as a three?” I asked.

She pursed her lips and shook her head, “I haven’t taken a science or maths class since I was eleven, and I don’t have the money for university. I guess I could work as a translator, or if that doesn’t work out, marry a five and go back to dancing.” She took another sip of her drink, “Hopefully I’ll be here long enough to figure it out.”

“Do they not have like threes who are dance teachers? I haven't really looked much into the area myself but it may make sense.”

She shook her head, “For me, at least, it was mostly Russian immigrants who were former dancers themselves, so Fives.”

I thought for a moment, “Well if you ever need history lessons, english, or legal aid I'm around. I dug into my pocket and pulled out a business card, since it’s not like either of us plan to be here long, “Just all the way up in Labrador. Where are you from again?”

“Allens. So, not too far. Thanks.” She replied and looked at the card.

“Welcome.” I replied, finished off my drink then wrote down another idea.

Hadley narrowed her eyes curiously, “What are you writing?”

“Just an idea for a proposition with the ICLU. There are probably other girls in a similar situation as you being lower caste now upper be it through marriage or selection, it may be helpful to talk about implementing a caste readjustment program.”

She lifted her head, smiling just a little, “That sounds like a great idea.” Then a little quieter she added, “I'd appreciate it.”

“Hopefully my boss will agree and pass it onto the innovation department. I'll write a quick memo about it to her later.” I smiled happy to have something to do.

“You really love your job, don't you?” She asked.

I nodded, “It makes me feel like I have some kinda purpose. As cheesy as that is to say.” Making actual change in Illea instead of just prancing around doing whatever else I could have grown up to do.

“No, I get that.” She looked down, “As a kid, I never really felt like I belonged, but on the stage, dancing?” She looked a little distant, “Standing out was a good thing.”

I nodded, “Mhm. Have you thought of ways you could continue working while at the palace?”

She smiled, “Actually, I had a conversation with Prince Eaton about that, and I’ve been able to work out a schedule that allows me to still practice, even though I have to do a little more work to catch up on lessons.”

“That'll be good. If you wanted too you could put on a performance and donate the profits. That way you could be working towards a goal too instead of general practice.”

She tilted her head, “That's an interesting idea. I’ll keep that in mind.”

I nodded, “Well it was nice meeting you, Lady Hadley. But it is probably time for me to get back to work.” Then held out my hand to shake goodbye.

She took it, giving it a shake. “Nice to meet you too.”

It was pretty late in the afternoon by the time I was escorted to the interview room. Damian was in a navy blue suit jacket, dress pants, and a white button up shirt. He smiled at me as I got closer. His eyes flicker to my nametag for a second before he speaks, “Hello, Lady Savannah. It’s a pleasure to meet you in person.”

I smiled trying to stay polite, then gave a small curtsy, “The same to you, your highness.”

He smiled back, taking a few steps back and gestured for me to go into the interview room. In the room is a sofa, surrounded by stage lights and a few cameras, what a romantic first meeting. There is one camera on a swivel stand, that is currently focused on Damian and I. He starts walking into the room, looking at me as he talks, "How have you found your first few days here, so far?"

I debated giving him a short one word answer of 'fine' but Danny's words of 'don't ruin your own happiness" slipped into my head. "They've been fine. I've enjoyed your library. It's helped me feel like I can in some ways continue working by catching up on legal matters normally outside of my areas of expertise."

He nodded while smiling then took a seat on the sofa, "So you're a lawyer, then? What kind of law do you practice?"

Reluctantly I sat next to him, hopefully I wouldn't catch an STD from proximity alone, "Yes, I practice primarily civil and criminal law with the Illean Civil Librities Union. So primarily defending people who are in bad situations due to outdated laws which need amending." My tone came out more passive aggressive than intended, but it was slightly justified as he should have been working to amend said laws and help people instead of partying.

"That's a great thing, to be doing. What got you into law?"

"Well I was at the University of Labrador. My best friend I'm the sorority I was in decided to go to a protest over women's rights in illea. We went, someone man came and antagonized some women, she defended herself verbally, got arrested, felt up by the officer, then was unable to do anything legally about it. I felt that was unfair so I decided to look into being a lawyer, liked the process, graduated in 2 years, went to Yale and here I am."

He lets out a low whistle, looking down for a second. I couldn't help but be a but prideful at my accomplishment, then looks back up at me, more serious than before, his jaw tense, "I'm really sorry that happened to your friend." He said and fell silent. What a conversation killer.

"It's fine." I said trying not to dwell on it, "How was your time in undergrad? Partied a lot, I saw." I said the passive agressiveness coming out again.

He smiled, a little more relaxed than before, but not as relaxed as he was when he first entered the room, "I enjoyed my last few years of freedom before entering the real world, yes." He then raised his eyebrows, grinning a little wider, kind of teasing, "And what about you? Being in a sorority and all, I doubt you were much of a homebody yourself."

I couldn't help but completely flush and bit down my urge to absolutely smack him upside the head. "It was a brief phase. It was fun. But also a waste of time." I chuckled a bit remembering my airheaded behavior in that year, "had I already been working harder I may have been able to finish faster and help more people."

He grinned a little at how flustered I was, which just made me want to punch him more, then smiled a little more genuinely towards the end, "We're still young. We have our whole lives to keep fixing things."

i frowned, "That isn't true. We never know when we're going to die. Something could always happen so we should be trying to help as much as we can. Not to mention while we" I paused after my slip of the tongue, but didn't correct it "partied in undergrad people were suffering who could have been helped."

There's a flicker of a frown on his face when I mentioned how short life is, but he lets it go, tilting his head when he looks at me, "We can't save everyone. That's impossible. We can try to do as much as we can, but there will always be more people in need of help.

"Partying isn't trying."

He raised his eyebrows, "You didn't even know you wanted to be a lawyer, back when you were partying in college."

I got kinda flustered again, he's right, there's no logically sound way to win. Yeah but I should have, I wish I had. Would have made the time a lot less regrettable." I said then cleared my throat, "Though, this is a bit of a heavy topic for our first meeting, don't you agree? Your- Damian." I barely corrected myself from saying Your Highness.

He chuckled, "A bit, but it's different from the surface level talk about work and provinces." He inclined his head, "Though, if you think about it, you never would have discovered your passion for law if you hadn't joined your sorority." He shrugged and gave a stupid grin which made me blush even more.

Finally I snapped and turned to point a finger at him, "You won okay. I can't regret something if I didn't know to do something better, but that doesn't make topless jello shots any less of an embarrassing memory." I exclaimed then heard what I said and wished to curl into a ball and die.

He chuckled a little, "We all have our moments. It's okay."

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door then, and a guard pokes his head in. Damian nods at him, then turns and looks at me, "Unfortunately, we'll have to exchange stories another time. It appears our time today is up."

I sighed in relief at my rescue, then mumbled under my breath, "Thank God." I stood to curtsy, "Your-" I cringed a bit at the error, "Damian."

He chuckled again, "It was a pleasure to meet you Savannah. Until next time." He smiled at me when we got to the door, and stopped in the doorway.

I smiled back politely, "Thank you for the conversation. Till next time."

*savy was taking a break from her work and decided to out for a walk in the gardens. She had always been a fan of taking runs when stressed snd the gardens were providing a peaceful alternative. She was walking around when she thought she saw a bunny in the bushes. Being the gal she is she wanted to see it closer so she stepped off the path and walked into the gravel. Immediately her heel sank in the gravel. She lost her balance for a moment but didnt fall. Instead she panicked. She debated stepping out of her shoes to get it out but she didnt wanna hurt her skin on the gravel. Instead she tried to wiggle it loose and hopped no one was near*

*rip savannah, but Damian is out distressing by playing basketball at that point in time, and from where he's standing as he shoots this basket, he can see someone clearly struggling with something in the gardens. he can't see who it is, or what the problem is, but he figures he should go check it out. he tucks the basketball under one arm, jogging towards the person he can see, calling out* Hey, everything okay?

*savannah hears him call out an knows immediately it's the last person in the world she'd want to find her like this* Absolutely peachy! *calls back and debates ditching the shoes*

*he slows to a stop when he gets closer, his eyes going from savannah's face to her foot* Mmm, looks like you've got yourself in a bit of a sticky situation, there.

*is extremely flustered* no situation at all. I said I'm fine. *aggressively wiggles the heel and almost trips so she squeaks but manages to catch herself*

*when he sees her almost trip, he lunges forwards to catch her before she hits the ground, but then she catches herself, so he's like "oh was that for nothing?" he looks down at the shoe, furrowing his brows, thinking* Here, let me help with that, before you actually fall.

I'm not going to fall and I don't need your help. I'm perfectly capable of defeating some gravel on my own

*he takes a step back* Alright... if you insist... *hes not going anywhere, just watching her, waiting to see what she'll do*

*huffs when she doesnt hear him walk away and continues to wiggle then huffs when shes not getting anywhere* Fine. If you're just going to stand there anyways you may as well help.

*he chuckles, setting the basketball down on the ground, kneeling down to look at the gravel and the heel, before beginning to dig the heel out with his fingers* Not the best shoes to walk off the path in.

*rolls her eyes* I didn't think about that. I thought I saw a bunny and got distracted

*he can't help but raise his eyebrows at that, grinning, twisting the heel a little to unscrew it from the gravel* Was it at least a cute bunny?

*his tone is a little teasing*

It was cute, be careful with your tone though when your face is near my foot. *once its free she steps back on the path so she doesn't sink again*

*he chuckles, joking* What, are you planning on giving me a royal nose job with your shoe?

You could probably use one. *offers a hand to help him stand back up*

*he picks up his basketball, taking her hand, still grinning at her, teasing* Maybe it's just the angle you've been looking at it from.

*stands on her tiptoes looking at his nose* Nope. It's a little off. Nose job it is.

*she pinches his nose* its a big flaw. Doubt you'll be able to get a wife like that

*he chuckles* I don’t know, my nose has never gotten in my way before

*considers* You're right, I'm sure that was just your sense of responsibility that got in the way.

*he raises his eyebrows* You know, I’ve never turned in an assignment late, or anything for work late. Never asked for an extension.

I somehow find that doubtful. Your reputation of being a loose partier precedds that of a responsible duitiful person.

Well, it’s the truth. *he shrugs* If you’re really curious, you could email my professors. It’s all about finding a balance. *he smiles*

*grumbles because he seems to be honest about it* What did you even study?

I dual majored in political science and marketing. You?

*sighs in relief* at least you werent a buisness major. Political Science and History for me on a prelaw track.

*he nods, smiling, genuinely curious* Did you prefer one over the other?

Probably political science. I mean I love history it's why I added it. For fun since it's just like learning stories and seeing the modern day impact of said stories. But political science felt more efficient. Like it helped me have a better understanding of the philosophy of political thinking which has helped me a lot in law. Plus I just liked the professors more.

*he smiles* Understandable. Good professors make it so much easier to learn the content

*smiles* yeah and lots and lots of highlighters. Did you have a favorite topic in political science?

*grinning* I took a really cool course on comparative political economies - I really like the economic side of things. That, and the classes I had to take on international politics. *he looks over at savannah* What about you?

Probably civil politics. I've always been a fan of civil work. I honestly thought about working for the AFEI instead of the ICLU but decided I wanted to do more personal legal work than policy legal work. But it's always been the work that has interested me more since it's important to bring up civil conflicts within the country and try to help as much as possible. But learning about where we came from in terms of The United States vs the civil policies of Illea was an interesting course for me, especially because of the overlap of History and Political Science.

*he nods as she talks, thinking that all over* I think work guided what classes I liked as well. Because beyond national politics, I also have to think about international politics, trade agreements, and maintaining Illéa’s position in the world.

*seems slightly surprised* so you actually liked your major? I assumed you just were kinda forced to pick it

I was kind of forced to, but I could still pick the classes that interested me more. *He shrugs* Plus I really enjoyed my marketing major.

*thinks for a moment* Can I ask you something and have an honest answer? No bullshit PR answer. I'm just trying to figure out if we can trust you to be our future king through this, at the very least.

Sure *he nods, pursing his lips a little* Ask away.

Do you actually want to be the king of this country? Like aside from the perks you have from it, do you care about the work?

I do care. *he pauses, swallowing* I really do. It’s just...it’s a lot of pressure to accept from a young age.

*she thinks for a moment* Noted. Thank you for your honesty. *Looks at the basketball* Do you play much?

*he smiles kind of sadly* Not as much as I used to. I’ve gotten a little busy helping to run the country, and such.

*gets an idea* Do you wanna make a bet with me?

*he grins* Depends on what it is

Basketball. I'm working on a program right now with the ICLU, a coworker wants to come visit me and discuss about it but appreantly work visits aren't allowed during this. If I can get more hoops in you'll arrange that?

*he furrows his brows* Better yet, I could just organize for your coworker to visit under the guise of another event going on. Just give me a few weeks to work out the details.

*kinda chuckles because shes competitive* oh? Youre scared you'll lose? But if that's what you prefer

*he laughs* No, I just know I’d win, and I’d hate to deny you the ability to see your coworker

Fine. You'll set up the meeting, then I'll just prove to you that I would win had their beem stakes.

*he narrows his eyes at her, extending a hand to shake, still grinning* Deal

*shakes it firmly then kicks off her heels planning to walk to the court barefoot.* Would be an unfair advantage for me to still be in them

*he raises his eyebrows* Why, they helped square up the height difference between us, at the very least *he chuckles*

*almost elbows him over that but barely stops herself* I don't need that help. I'm perfectly capable of crushing you independent of my shoes

*he laughs* I played basketball in uni, you know?

As did I. Well- not in a club. A guy who I was *ponders for a moment* acquainted with, played it therefore I played with him and his friends fairly often

*he raises his eyebrows* And how tall was your acquaintance? Because I’m used to playing with people my height, but also my mom and sister, who are - *he puts his hand somewhere around his shoulder because they’re 5’4” and 5’5”* - about this tall

He was around 6'3. His friends the same or more. Don't worry I'm well aware of the disadvantage of my height and very prepared to utilize it

*he chuckles* Oh, I’ve got to see this. *when they get to the court he starts dribbling the ball casually, walking towards the middle of the court* Do you want to start with the ball, or should I?

*thinks for a moment and puts her shoes down on the edge of the court and rolls up the bottoms of her dress pants a bit* You can start with it.

*he raises his eyebrows at her rolling up her dress pants, but he nods* Okay, if you insist. *he waits until he’s ready before starting the play*

*she walks up prepared to steal since she cant block*

*he starts dribbling more seriously, quickly maneuvering around her, taking three large steps with the ball, and then shoots a basket, and it goes in*

*she kinda huffs about that dislikes. But once he has the ball again she tries again, this time getting it and doing her UNDER THE LEGS MOVE AND SHOOTS*

*he turns around, a little in shock* That is not a legal move!

Hmmm *puts her finger to her chin very smug* I dont think it explicitly says in the rules that you're not allowed too. You use your height I'll use mine *VERY SMUG*

*he narrows his eyes* Fine, best 2 out of 3? Whoever gets this next shot wins, then

*SHES BEING COCKY NOW* Aw is the wittle princey calling it quits so soon? His fragile ego damaged? *bats her eyes teasingly*

*he narrows his eyes* Fine, best three out of five, then. *he starts dribbling the ball right from here he is, and it’s a long shot to his basket from there, but he’s pretty confident, so he goes for it, and somehow it actually goes in. he raises his eyebrows at her* Still think you’re gonna win?

*crosses her arms* That was luck. *goes to get the ball since shes closer*

Or just sheer skill. *he smirks a little*

*turns to face him just to roll her eyes and gets the ball. She then dribbles it back to the middle or something idk how basketball works*

*he follows her to the middle, standing in front of her, knees bent in that “ready” position idk wtf it’s called lmao*

*that position makes knees wide so she dribbles and goes to do her fast under the leg move again*

*he sees it coming this time, and takes a few steps back, keeps his arm in front of him to reach for the ball, which he gets, and then dribbles across to the the hoop he has to score in, taking the shot, and watching it go in again. he grabs the ball as it bounces back up, raising his brows at savannah* One more, or are you good? *he grins a little*

*huffs again and crosses her arm* Fine we'll call it at 3 to 1. But in my defense it's been awhile.

*he grins* Well, you’re always welcome to practice out here with me, if you want.

I can't tell if you're being taunting or not *rolls her eyes and walks up to him then holds out her hand to shake for the end of the game*

*he takes her hand and shakes, then gives her a genuine smile* No taunting. I mean it. I’d love to have someone new to play with.

I'll consider it then. I am getting slightly bored of your homes running path for exercise.

*smiles back even tho she doesnt wanna because it was a nice offer*

*he tilts his head from side to side* Yeah, the running trail through the gardens is kind of short. There are better ones /in/ Angeles, if you ever want to check them out

Not sure I'm allowed to just waltz on out of here, but I'd love the names of any you know. My grandmother lives near her so I'm sure I'll be visiting soon enough after this if not immediately so.

*he shrugs* I could also drive you sometime, if you want. I /do/ have a car.

*seems a bit surprised* You know how to drive?

*he furrows his brows* Of course! I got my license as soon as I was legally allowed to.

But its not like you need too? Don't you have like drivers?

*he looks a little confused and taken aback* I’m sure some exist, but why would I want someone else to drive me when I could be free and drive myself?

I'm not sure. I just know rich people, like for example my cousin *mumbles for a moment to find the phrasing* So my grandmother is in charge of the Mars Candy Corporation. My mom's older brother Nathaniel will be taking over it, his kids also my cousins all have drivers. They're like twenty something now but Jackson is always bragging about how he doesn't have to take the effort to drive himself places. I just assumed other people who could afford them would have them, especially busy people who could work instead of drive.

*he blinks* Wow, I never even would have considered that. *he shakes his head* No, I like driving. Being able to roll the windows down and blast the music...it’s like a few moments of freedom. *he shrugs, smiling a little sadly*

*she noticed the smile then something clicks* so freedom is your vice. You act out to feel free, thus the partying. You mentioned earlier the responsibility of being a prince being am influence on the partying. A lack of freedom makes sense. *she knows shes getting too personal but her curiosity and worry for the future gets the best of her* But what does that mean you're going to do when you're king? You'll have even less. How do you plan to maintain that restriction without bursting and needing freedom?

*he stiffens a little at her analysis because damn it’s spot on, but sighs towards the end* Getting as much out of life as I can now. I always knew what my future held for me. So I can plan accordingly. *he forces a small grin, trying to joke* Besides, with any luck, I’ll be old and almost out of energy by the time I’m king.

*furrows her eyebrows concerned* That doesn't work. *sighs* Believe me I'd know. But we aren't wired to run off memories. Instead we develop habits and coping mechanisms. Everyone snaps from time to time, you'll go back to what made you happy last. For you I assume that'll be partying. Which is something you can't do as king, and assuming it wont be till your old isn't right either, regardless of if that was a joke it's not something that you can lean on since millions of people could be relying on you and you'd be unprepared. You are going to be king, You are not going to have freedom, you are going to be under immense pressure and responsibility, honest answer, what are you going to do when you need to snap?

*he narrows his eyes at her, this time more out of irritation than anything else, and he’s a little sarcastic* Gee, thanks for the reminder. Though, for the record, I /haven’t/ partied since uni, and I have no plans to in the near future. So perhaps I’ll rely on my other coping mechanism, such as basketball, or taking a drive.

Yeah well it's the truth and uni wasn't that long ago. It's hard to break habits. I mean I partied like 4 times a month in undergrad and I still use it. That was forever ago but that's not how humans work. You're gonna lean on what you've leaned on. You're going to get shitfaced, you're going to want what you used to have, you're gonna idolize those times in uni and want them back. But you're not going to have it and it's going to be hard and shitty but you have to tough it out because of the country that relies on you and this is proving to me that you're not going to be a reliable King for the people who need you.

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cobaltcaster · 5 years ago

Text

Creating a Magickal Atmosphere

Within this post is a comprehensive check list of creating the right atmosphere

[[ Click Here for Part 1. Preparing for Your Spell ]]

Here are the individual links if you’d like to take it step by step.

Magickal Enchantments [[ Food, Clothing, Music ]]

Magickal Tools [[ Candles ]]

Incense and Fragrances

Crystals and Gemstones

Element Water

Additional Magickal Tools

Personal Altars

If you’re ready for a medium read then let us begin!

⚪9⚪

Magickal Enchantments

Food and Beverage

Three simple words: Keep it light! A spell on a full stomach is not recommended. A heavy meal can leave you sleepy or uncomfortable. Avoid meat the day of your spell, if you can. Stick with fruits and vegetables as much as possible. Fish ----- baked, but not fried or in a heavy sauce----- is a good option. Wait at least two hours after eating to begin your spell.

Try to avoid caffeinated or carbonated beverages; distilled water is an excellent choice because the impurities have been removed. A cup of caffeine-free herbal tea is soothing and relaxing. Try a blend of chamomile and passionflower. Although some of the spells include type of wine or fruit juice during the actual spell, do not take it to extremes.

Clothing As with food and drink, here, too, three simple words apply: natural, loose, and clean. One hundred percent cotton is a wise choice. A loose white gauze garment is nonrestricting and gives you a sense of cleanliness and purity. Some individuals enjoy taking the time to find certain color garments for special spells. The same colors listed in the candle color chart ( click here ) can be use for clothing as well.

If you do not have a cotton garment, choose something as close as possible, like a cotton blend. Comfort is important; Tight jeans and belts do not allow your body to relax. However, wear jeans if they are the most comfortable thing you own ----- and most jeans are 100 percent cotton. If you are in a private place, you may decide to just wear a robe, towel, or oversized t-shirt. You may even opt for nudity. The choice is yours.

Before you get dressed, make every ever to take a bath or shower. Start fresh and clean. Think as you are showering or bathing that you are washing any negative energy off your body. A bath is an excellent idea, especially if you use music and candlelight.

If you're doing a group spell, bathe or shower before leaving the house or before the group arrives. If you can't shower, at least wash your hands and face. If you can wash your feet, that's even better. If water is not available, shake your hands and visualized negativity being removed.

Music

Music has the ability to create a sense of peace ----- providing it's the right music.

By virtue of the fact you are reading this book, I feel safe in saying you most likely are a seeker of peace and well-being. And all likelihood, you already have in your possession music that soothes you. Slow classical music or New Age music seems to be the most popular. Drumming and chanting recordings are also something to consider. Nature tapes offering gentle background music can be found in most department or music stores.

After purchasing any new tape or CD, listen to the entire recording befor e using it for spell work. The first two selections may be ideal, but if song number three goes up thirty decibels and a wolf starts howling, it could send you crashing down from your altered state.

If you have the time, visit your local music or New Age store. Most provide headsets and demonstration tapes that give you the opportunity to listen before you buy. The recording you choose should be long enough to last your entire spell.

Music that suddenly stops in the middle of a ceremony will also break the mood. If you have no choice and you must turn a tape over, at the very least have your sound system close to you so you do not have to leave your spell area. Music is the sound of the soul: If you can include it in your rituals, all the better.

⚪10⚪

Magickal Tools

Any tangible item used for ritual can be considered a magickal tool as long as it means something special to you. The creative part of our brain works in symbols, so it makes sense to use symbols as a way to conduct creative magick. You probably already have magickal tools and may not even recognize them. It may be your favorite picture that makes you "feel good" upon merely looking at it, that special coin that a relative gave you when you were a child, or a favorite pen you've had for years.

Candles

Candles bring light into our lives ----- both literally and symbolically. They chase away the darkness and allowed new projects, thoughts, and relationships to emerge. Lighting candles before a spell can create very powerful energy.

Candles also represent the three levels in which we exist. The wax corresponds to our physical body, the wick to our mind, and the flame to our soul or spirit.

Candles come in a myriad of colors, shapes, and sizes. Some are scented, some unscented. For our purposes, shape and scent ( or lack thereof ) are unimportant. Do give some consideration to the size of your candle. If you deem your spell will take an hour, don't light a candle that burns for only thirty minutes.

Color is a significant part of what candle burning is all about. Different colors represent different vibrations. As the candle burns, the vibration of that color is red. Refer to the color chart to clarify which color best suits your needs. You may use just one candle or a combination.

If you don't have any idea color available, use white. When burning a white candle, pay attention to the smoke. When it starts to smoke, negative energy is being cleansed from that area. When the smoke subsides, the energy in that area is cleanse and clear.

Take caution in purchasing a white candle that is too inexpensive. Inexpensive white candles smoke too readily and can confuse you. However, I would also not advise going to the extreme and looking for top-of-the-line candles. Use common sense and buy moderately. When working with candles, always use caution and do not leave them unattended.

Candle Color Interpretation

WHITE Purity, power, newness, spells, healing, peace, and psychic skills. White will intensify the effect of any color candle it is used with.

BLACK Removal of negative energy; not a color of evil or negativity. Release and banish.

BLUE Peace, tranquility, protection, fidelity, astral projection.

BROWN Protection for the household; telepathy, stability.

SILVER Neutralizer of negative energy or forces.

GREEN Prosperity, money, success; counteracts jealousy, ambition.

ORANGE Provides additional energy needed for work or other endeavors; promotes order, control over the self.

PINK Love, friendship, romance, affection, giving.

PURPLE Intuition, psychic pursuits, power and independence, wisdom.

RED Fertility, physical strength, sexual passion, courage.

YELLOW Well-being, self-esteem, attraction, glamour, action.

As mentioned earlier, this chart can be used as a guide for making clothing color choices.

In my experience, people have either love incense or they have an aversion to it.

⚪11⚪

Incense and Fragrance

Incense also comes in different sizes, shapes, and forms. Some types of incense are already labeled with names reflecting the effects they hope to achieve: There is stress-relieving incense, energy incense, love incense, and so on.

Some people prefer to burn potpourri or oils. One of the purposes of incense in these particular rituals is to bring you into an altered state of consciousness in the most peaceful way possible. If the smell of sage or sandalwood calms you, use it. But if your sinuses say no, give them respect.

Don't get caught up in what others have decided is the best aroma for you. For example, studies have shown citrus fragrances promote energy, and the smell of lilac can calm us. But don't force yourself to inhale a scent if you don't care for simply because the label states "incense for romance." Always buy what you enjoy.

Experimenting with new aromas is also fun. Most incense is inexpensive and sometimes sold by the stick. One thing to be careful of: If you are going to do a spell inside or in a small area, try your new purchase out prior to its actual use. Otherwise, you may be subject to a disagreeable smell for hours, if not days. Incense can take a while to dissipate and may linger in the air for a long period of time.

Here are some recommended sense and herbs you may want to try that correspond to a certain magickal work. Remember: These are only suggestions and not a must.

👤 Health Bay, Carnation, Cedar, Eucalyptus, Juniper, Lavender, Lemon Balm, Myrrh, Pine, Sage, Sandalwood, Thyme 💞 Love Apple, Musk, Rose, Ambergris, Basil, Cinnamon, Chamomile, Dragon's Blood, Jasmine, Lemongrass, Patchouli, Peppermint 📠 Career \ Job Vanilla, Allspice, Cloves, Nutmeg, Pine, Wisteria, Heliotrope, Spruce, Sage, Mint, Honeysuckle, Cedar, Bayberry 🌹 Women's Issues Musk, Orange, Hyacinth, Myrrh, Pine, Rose 🐯 Men's Issues Musk, Cedar, Jasmine 🌅 Spirituality Frankincense, Heliotrope, Jasmine, Sweetgrass, Gardenia, Pine, Sage, Violet, Sandalwood, Rose

⚪12⚪

Crystals and Gemstones

Crystals bring life to our quartz watches. They receive and transmit radio waves. Without quartz crystals, the computer age would never have happened: They are what make up integrated circuits and electronic chips.

The power of crystals go far beyond the products we have derived from them. They are important tools in magick, having the ability to focus and direct energy to a specific intention. Some say they have healing powers, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Many other stones also have special energy that can assist in your spells. For a quick reference, I’ve listed a few below. But this is a huge area of exploration. If you want to know more, your local bookstore or library will certainly contain numerous books on the subject.

Gem Stone Qualities

A special note about quartz crystals: These stones are available in nature stores, gem shops, and most New Age gift stores in rough or polished form. You need not spend more than a few dollars on your crystals. Start with something small, and go to a larger size if you feel it's necessary. If you are unsure of which is the best stone to intensify your spells, use a clear quartz crystal. Clear quartz crystal stimulates healing, balances the elements to fulfill us and make us whole. Aids psychic development. Amethyst a very powerful spell stone. Psychics and healers have used its curative properties for years. Helpful in dispelling anger and anxiety, aids in feeling less scattered. Carnelian often called the stone of good luck. Said to purify the blood, stimulate sexual emotions, and aid in sexual function. Lapis lazuli draws love to us. It is also reputed to be effective in healing headaches, high blood pressure, depression, insomnia, and other such ailments. Malachite increases energy, is connected to change and creativeness. The Egyptians wore crushed malachite as eye shadow to guard against the evil eye. Moonstone is said to be a stone of magic. It increases psychic abilities and is used widely for spell rituals. Astral projection is accelerated when using a moonstone. Rose quartz also known as the love stone. A stone and that deals with the energy of all the emotions. Turquoise builds strength, provides protection. It is a sacred stone to the Native Americans. It is a protective stone for horses and their riders. In Arabia it is a stone of meditation. It has equality of absorbing negative energy. When purchasing, carefully touch the crystals at the store. A stone chooses you, you don't choose it. It would just “feel good” to you, having something the others don't possess. Use your gut feeling ----- which is your intuition talking to you.

Charging Your Crystal

Once you find your crystal, it needs to be "cleared, charged, and programmed." Cleanse it of a past owner’s energy and \ or the energy that has been placed on it by individuals examining it by washing it in cold water or letting it sit in a bowl of water.

Next, use the Moon to charge the crystal. Place it overnight in view of one of the phases listed below:

New Moon a crystal charged in this phase specifically offers energy that supports new beginnings, confidence, hope, and specifically anything of increase. Full Moon a crystal charged in this phase brings power to support anything you want to achieve. This is actually the best all-around phase to utilize.

Once you have cleared and charged your crystal the last step is to program it. Hold it in your hand, and focus on the vibrational energy you are looking for to accomplish your goal. Visualize your final goal, but not the way you think you're going to get there.

For example: if you want to lose twenty pounds, see yourself on the scale twenty pounds thinner. Don't try to analyze the way it will come about. This is best left to your higher power to solve.

If you choose, you can program any of your other gemstones as well.

⚪13⚪

Element Water

Throughout the spells you will see the use of what I refer to as element water. Element water is basically water that has been charged to help you do magick during a thunderstorm.

It represents fire, earth, air, and water, a forceful mix of elements at their highest potency. Lightning represents fire, which corresponds to power, energy, magick, and lust. Thunder represents air, which corresponds to spirituality, health, and knowledge. The strength of the storm represents earth, which corresponds to nature, being grounded, wisdom, and all things material. The rain itself represents water, which corresponds to emotions, reflection, love, creativity, and purification.

How to Make Element Water

Basically you are collecting rainwater with intention. First you will need a container to collect the water. I have used glass, plastic, clay pottery, and almost any type of container one can use, and I have seen no difference. You may feel a natural material is better or something you feel special has more impact. If these are your thoughts, then seek a special container. I personally use two or three chalices.

The important thing is that the container is new or extremely cleaned, having been sterilized in a dishwasher or by boiling if is made of glass. If the container is new, still clean it to remove energies from other people who may have handled it. Because thunderstorms are not all that common, I recommend obtaining as much water as possible so you will always have some on hand.

If you know that a storm is approaching, take your container and place it in a spot where it will collect water. Some people always leave a container outside just in case, and others only place one out when they are almost certain storm is near.

After the storm and your water has been collected, you should invoke a "hand blessing." Place both hands above the container with your palms facing down and say, "Bless this water. May it empower my intentions."

Now, transfer your element water into a practical container for later use if you are not going to use it immediately. A glass or plastic jug or bottle with a lid is a good choice.

The water is not limited to use only during rituals. It can also be used to bless something. Feel free to separate your water into smaller bottles for traveling or even to give a small bottle to a friend. It is a perfect gift for someone who is like-minded because it comes from nature and you have put your personal energy into it with good thoughts and well-wishes.

Around the holidays, I take element water and put it in tiny plastic containers with little labels that read, “Element Water.” I then tie ribbons around the necks of the containers and give them to special friends in case they want to bless something. I use element water to bless my car, computer, office, home, and the cat next door!

Special Notes

Element water will only be powerful when rain, lightning, and thunder are all present. An average rain will not do.

Do not use water that flows from a gutter! It may seem to be a very easy solution, especially if you want a large amount quickly. However, the fact is the rainwater being channeled through the gutter is not as pure as water coming directly from the sky because it has picked up debris.

Do not be concerned about pollution in the air when gathering water. Your blessing over the water purifies it.

Do not drink the water, as it is not meant for your inner body.

If you are not in an area where you are able to collect water, ask a friend to do it for you. However, you must conduct the “hand blessing” once it is in your possession.

Be cautious in thunderstorms and do not go out when lightning is about. For safety reasons, wait till the storm is over to bring your collected water inside.

⚪14⚪

Additional Magickal Tools

Other magickal tools mentioned in spells will include the following. Feel free to substitute what is available or what works for you.

Wand or knife: Sword, athame, letter opener, or any type of wand or long crystal. Any pointed object that extends as a pointer will work. One can purchase decorative wands displaying gemstones and crystals in New Age gift stores, fantasy stores, or through Internet Web sites. A double-edged knife is also available through the same sources. Fire burning container: Iron pot, mini-chiminera ( small Mexican fireplace ), ashtray, metal trash can, cauldron. Anything that can contain a piece of paper being burned within a safe vessel. Special drinking glass: Any container that can hold wine or grape juice: wine glass, cup, bowl, chalice, or favorite goblet. Optional tools:

Flowers and fruit

Religious statues or holy cards

Tarot cards or Runes ( or other methods for telling future events; psychic forms divination )

Pendulum ( Click here for information on making decisions using a pendulum )

Pentacle or pentagram symbol ( The pentacle is a five pointed star with lines connecting with a circle encompassing it. A pentagram is the same five point star but has no circle. This symbol represents the elements earth, air, fire, water, and what is sometimes known as the fifth element, spirit. A pentacle or pentagram can also represent the human body with legs and arms outstretched. This symbol is often used in rituals as a form of protection while the ritual is underway. The star should always be in an upright position. The reverse is considered to be negative.)

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Cross ----- any kind ( The universal symbol of a cross represents the bringing together of multiple dualities into a single whole. It can represent human form with extended arms, as well as crossroads in your life. Crosses have numerous religious and spiritual meanings.)

Bells ( A bell can be rung to invoke universal powers and note the beginning of a ritual. Some people use bells as a form of protection to keep evil away. )

Who knows what contains magic and love for each individual? But I do know if you have such items, you should hold them dear and use them to assist you.

⚪15⚪

Personal Altars

To have a personal altar is by no means a requirements for doing spell work, but it is an excellent place in which to keep your magical tools and to worship whomever you choose. Use it not only as a storage for these special items but also has a place to pray, meditate, and to receive answers from your higher self.

An altar can be any area that is flat. It can be a separate small table or any action on your dresser. The top of a large sound speaker could be used; a bookshelf or two cement block with a piece of wood laid across them would do. Once again, you get to be creative.

You may not want to have a permanent altar but prefer to set up a temporary one just for your spell use. Your altar can typically would display items such as candles, incense, wands, knives, gemstones, statues, chalices, element or holy water, and anything else you would use as a special component that had spiritual and enchanting properties. I do not feel there is any special way to set up an altar. Moving things around until it looks and feels right to you.

An outside altar is also a lovely thing to create if possible. It can be built near a favorite tree using stones and bricks. You may construct a special table outside made of wood. To make it easier, use a tree stump or a rock that is fairly level.

When fashioning an altar, try to stay away from the use of too much metal. Natural materials are always the best. However, if your only choice is an altar containing a lot of metal, tried to cover it. Use a natural fabric or put a piece of wood over it. Try to keep things natural.

As for the direction to face your altar, there are many schools of thought. Some suggest facing north because it is the most grounded direction. Others will recommend facing the altar east because it is the direction the Sun and Moon rise. Each direction has a special meaning and place. Therefore, I feel you should put it anywhere in which it is practical.

I have seen rolling altars, where people have made altars on the top of units that have wheels so they can roll through a room to face the direction they feel it needs to face for a particular spell or meditation. A rolling altar can also be kept out of the way in a closet if you are pressed for space.

Altars are extremely personal, as well as very interesting, and there is no right or wrong way in which to set up this area of sacred items.

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chromeskiesstuff · 5 years ago

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The Killing of Three Thousand Crows Recap EP 1 三千鸦杀

This drama has been a huge blast - I am 8 EPs in and the plot, characters are wonderful and refreshing. The main leads are a hoot themselves, being very hilarious and have their own unique personalities. Props to CGI and costume theme who does their best to make it realistic while in budget, in particularly the costumes feel so natural and pretty.

So just a brief introduction:

This is a Xianxia adaptation from novel of the same name. Xianxia = it involves immortals. Our heroine, Yan Yan, or with her adult/real name Qin Chuan (覃川) is a mortal princess of her country and it has been destroyed by the demon people. Her people are slain and she vowed to kill off each and every demon people to bring peace to her people.

The Male Lead is Jiu Yun (九云), a powerful young immortal who has a crush on her, and he has seen through her ten lives/ previous reincarnation.

We started off with our male lead, Jiu Yun and his friend. His friend ponders why he is sharing with him a drawing by his Shifu/Master and what is it about.

He replied that this was about a war where drums are beating, and bones anre piling up. He also said he didn’t understand the meaning of the drawing for thousand years.

The cinematography is pretty amazing and the narration done by Zhen Ye Cheng (yes our Male lead does his own dubbing along with Zhao Luo Si) is nothing short of haunting. The sequence is written in a semi-classical format, and its a thing of beauty when it combines with great cinematography, great colour combinations, great symbolism (eg drums that reinvigorate a dying party) , great prose and great narration. Look at her red robes flowing in harsh winter while hitting the drums. Maybe I should translate this part later :D

His friend retorted. “It’s normal for mortals to be in war”. He replied "I finally met her yesterday. I have been searching for her for a thousand years” while the screen switch to her facing her enemies alone.

I presume she didn’t survive. Based on some notes on the novel this was her past life. Anyway I really dig these prologues as of late as its normally shot wonderfully and in a simplistic manner + introduce the whole thing.

The scene switched to an enormous paper bird flying down to a city.

I love the design of the paper bird. Its delicate. Can I have one for a Mercedes?

Our heroine slept at class, slacking off from learning paper folding spells which is a secret skill of Dali royalty. He also scold her that she have already learn for a year but she knew nothing.Her Shifu challenges her to make ten paper crane.

She could fight with Bai Qian with tardiness though what Bai Qian did is even more crayy

She defended herself that paper folding spells emphasize on making it freely/casually. Under her shifu threat, she back off, saying she can do it anyway, but instead she made a frog.

The sequence is amazing btw. The CGI is really on point here :D

The paper container too is delightfully designed. Along with the sunscreen panels at the background

The set design and the headdress. Its amazing. Look at the Peach blossom background :D. And I enjoyed her acting a lot. She displays the right amount of mischievousness here :D

Our princess met with her brother and to cheer her up, her brother shows her a painting he obtained. She said the painting is fine but not worth two to three thousand coins.

Yeap. It looks like regular drawing even from my POV. But I hope whoever drawing this is not offended T_T (based on TMOPB the artist will normally on set whenever their artwork is shown)

He asks her to look at it carefully. Soon the garden turns into winter, and winter plum blossom starts blooming, and sometime later it turns back to normal. She excitedly asks him where he obtains the painting. He told her he obtained it from the famed painter, Gongzi Qi (公子齐).

Cue hilarity ensured of Gongzi Qi being synonymous with celebrity, full-on with fans dying to have his artwork and to see him, and her brother the prince being very excited to obtain one. While looking for the artist, a scroll appears on his hand and he looks both happy and confused.

Here’s how he describes Gongzi Qi:

Gongzi Qi, he was rumoured to be extremely handsome, with one of the kind drawing skills. He was rumoured to apply rare immortal spells to his artwork.

She muses that man is too proud. And if Gonzi Qi said his art skills are his second-best skill, then his music skills should be out of the world. Her brother said he wrote a song titled East Wind Peach Blossom Flower .. nope it's half a song not a full song (WTF XD) and he refuses to write the other half, saying that no dancer will be able to dance this song (I see you Gongzi Qi, you are tempting her). Indeed our princess is up to the challenge and asks her brother to request him to finish the song so she can dance to it.

The siblings then visit their cousin, where her brother advises her not to be rude. Apparently their aunt and cousin are attending their mom’s 40th birthday celebration.

After greetings and praises, the two women throwing barbs at each other, we know that Xuan Zhu (玄珠，the cousin) recently start to learn immortal skills under a mysterious teacher. Their barbs become a quarrel, causing their companions to try to rein them in. Yan Yan excuses herself. The quarrel continues as both are tugging a purple handkerchief.

A man came in. Yan Yan seems to be jealous that this guy (Zuo Zi Chen, 左紫辰) seems to come here to visit Xuan Zhu. He clarifies that he is here on behalf of his father to see her cousins. She instantly brightens up and let him go.

OK, first crush? And guy seems to be interested.

At the court, the King seems to be really worried about Tian Yuan, as they have usurped three countries around Dali. He is also worried as his prime minister Zuo (Zi Chen dad) applies for retirement at this time due to health. He announces that he will pay a visit to Prime Minister Zuo.

Our Prime Minister seems quite healthy (healthier than the king!!) and performs some ritual that's clearly demonic.

This is performed in front of a satan like figure. That's demonic even in Taoist book right?

Our prince got the sheet music, but with a bet from Gongzi Qi: She must be able to perform it, else he will make her a laughing stock. While visiting the prime minister, she took the opportunity to visit Zi Chen. She blocks him from visiting the king. Instead, she wants him to ask him something on the new music sheet she obtained since he is extremely good with music.

uwuuw the music sheets are so pretty

Zi Chen was amazed since he never saw such complicated tunes. There is a catch though. The verse she pointed out is rather bloody and will cause the audience and the performer to feel very sad, totally inappropriate for a birthday celebration. He answers the way to go is to change the tunes from a sad tone to a happy one.

Girl is clearly enamored with him and his skills. He turned around and ask whether his modified tunes sounds right. She thinks it's great. And she gifted him a hairpin, helping him to wear the new hairpin. She finishes pining the hairpin and touches his face. He reciprocates by grabbing her hand tenderly

OMG I must say this scene is so well done. Very tender, and little words need to be said.

After she left, his father looks for him. He looks anything but friendly. He asks whether he knew the reason the king came. Oh gosh, the prince is way too naive. His father is clearly plotting about something. But he is a young man in the midst of meeting his first love, maybe that's why he didn't catch on the shenanigans.

The Princess is totally unaware of the plot tho, she happily shares her joy with her maid, Aman and hoping for the day Zi Chen will marry her. She also declares that she will be able to conquer the tough music sheets and it will prove Zi Chen's musicality is superior to Gongzi Qi.

At night Gongzi Qi visited her, leaving her a note. She wakes up and declared again that she will win their bet. Gongzi Qi hears her in the court garden and leaves with a smile.

It seems like the budget is spent on the prince wardrobe. His gear looks very natural and menacing ha. But the candles deco is totally inferior to TMOPB Ye Hua house. Maybe the Demon People are saving the $ for war?

Yan Yan dance is stellar, she interprets the music sheets beautifully, with peach blossoms,snow and leaves. The audience including her brother, Zi Chen, and Gongzi Qi are amazed.

Oh wow the music is wonderful. It reminds me of TMOPB EP30 Peach blossom scene OST - the warm and sweet feel kinda touch. And the dance is shot beautifully. Although I think some of the dance moves are done by a professional dancer? Not a problem imo since one of the most beautiful performances in cdrama history is choreographed by a dancer.

And YESSSS.... his wardrobe is really on point here and the angles the cinematographer take is really good. He is not your conventionally attractive lead so I understand that some angles will not stand out. Kudos to the production team!

The dance ended and Gongzi Qi was shocked that she changed the ending of his sheet music. HA, SO YOU KNOW SHE IS GONNA PERFORM AT HER MUM’S BIRTHDAY BASH PARTY AND YOU WRITE HER A BLOODY TUNE? lmao he is pissed and serves him right XD. And what's wrong with your bestie XD? He seems to have a tendency to pine after a married woman.

They met Shifu who seems to be their ShiXiong (Elder brother disciple). Shifu reminded Gonzi Qi that since he is an immortal, he shouldn’t involve with mortal matters especially when Yan Yan is still very young. Gongzi Qi asks if he insists on doing it? Shifu replied that her fate has been decided and he shouldn’t go against fate. He seems to accept that decree and he hands over a huge scroll of painting, requesting Shifu to pass it to her.

Note: The reason why Shifu is able to involve is that he owes a debt to the Dali Royal family per the book.

At night the city is being attacked, and Yan Yan wakes up feeling happy and refreshed. She saw the painting scroll, both her and her maid marvelled at the painting and she told her maid that she wants to go outside alone to visit Zi Chan.

Meanwhile, Zi Chan father sent his son away “ For praying in the temple. Do request for glory at Royal Court”. His son wonders as his dad will not need it because he is retiring. His dad replies smoothly that it’s for Zi Chan. Zi Chan wanted to pray for his father’s health, and his father praised him lightly, sending him away. Looks like he is sending him away for safety.

COMMENTS

I have been waiting for this drama for some time, and luckily they are no longer stuck in broadcasting hell. This EP has a lot to unpack, introducing the background and characters. I feel this EP wonderfully introduces multiple characters while making Yan Yan and Zi Chan characters unique. Yan Yan character is sweet while slightly spoiled, she is still very charming herself, and have all the characteristics of a well-loved high born lady. Zi Chan too stands out as the highly ranked son, with his politeness and his crush with Yan Yan being really subtle. Plot-wise it is interesting and hopefully, the revenge plot won’t be too over the top later. The drama is also not afraid to insert some modern jokes (AHEM CELEBRITY ARTIST) while feeling super natural in doing so.

The magic spells they introduce are fairly unique too (paper magic) which can be quite handy. The brief introduction of paper cranes and paper frogs are delightful. The costumes are delightful too. One of the difficulties of cdrama production is making costumes natural relative to the period and making it beautiful. I love Zi Chan wardrobe here because he looks great in it while not making him too prince-like. Likewise I like that Gongzi Qi wardrobe are slightly more fancier than a normal immortal /Taoist disciple (YEAH HIS WEIRDASS WAYS) but not that fancy.

I think one of the downsides for this drama is the set production. Some of the sets like the snow scene are totally beautiful, while at some parts its so obvious the wood is made of plastic, or the garden looks too tropical. That being said I understand cdrama fantasy budgets are tight + high likelihood of delayed broadcasting, so these downsides are relatively minor, plus the cinematography team is killing it, so I think in overall any fan of xianxia should watch it.

#the killing of three crows #三千鸦杀 #cdrama #recap #review #thoughts #the killing of three thousand crows

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rametarin · 4 years ago

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It’s not a fun position to be in.

I’d like to clarify, again. I’m not an ethnonationalist, ethnoseparatist, white supremacist, or any of those things. I actually quite dislike them. That’s WHY it makes me mad to see overpolicing of white people or whiteness as inherently oppressive and bad, and anybody else as inherently oppressed and good.

They enshrine and put it into words and ideology that white people and other people exist and should exist on two different levels of society, and their preferred solution is to disestablish one as not existing because races and race-culture doesn’t exist, while empowering everybody else, and pretending that’s not hypocrisy. And since they later updated what they define as racism, technically, it no longer is.

You have to understand. When I was coming up in the late 80s/early 90s, the discourse on race was simple: For anyone to consider themselves by their race first, was to be a racist. The highest tier racists were Nazis, the next step beneath them were KKKlansmen, and then loosely affiliated neo-nazis beneath them, then ‘vaguely white supremacist and hostile towards non-English speakers, brown people and Asians’ people that weren’t loud, screaming hate mongerers came next. But, for a person to think of themselves separate or of themselves or their families as a member of an extant community defined by their race and background, was to be a racist. And that was socially taboo/faux pas.

At least, for white people. Of which in the US, they are/were the majority (even today) and the conversation was deliberately just broadbrush to assume it applied to white people by default.

It did not, however, apply to “oppressed minorities,” conveniently. So, if you were black, or your community/heritage didn’t speak English and wasn’t a “white country” (Latin American, basically) you could be as insular and think about the welfare and integrity of your own little microcosm and diasporic ethnostate that you wanted. One need only look at media and entertainment in the 90s geared towards keeping that spirit of separatism in the American black community to see that double standard. But it was justified and defended by, “We need this, we are under threat of racists, klansmen and hostile Southern confederate-sympathetic gentlemen every day of our lives.

And as vaguely progressive people in the 80s and 90s, yeah, we conceded that roaming bands of horrible southern monster-men were probably a thing black, Hispanic, Indigenous North American and Asian people worried about a lot and had to deal with constantly. Since the news made damned sure to publish every single instance of a hate crime against a minority, and later public school would hold special sessions to talk about such a horrible thing.

Always white-on-somebody-else, always seguing into conversations about how prevalent white supremacists and white supremacism, the actual confederate flag and [your choice of specific and purpose made white supremacist club/militia symbol here] used to be, and in many ways, still was.

At the time, common public discourse was not, “the United States is memetically a white supremacist oppressive shithole based on the very culture and roots, it’s just there are a lot of suppressive, hateful, bigoted people, most of them are in the majority demographic, and most of them are male.” The US was not considered, “white supremacist/racist” by default.

And on paper, taking the moral high ground on racism meant implicitly that you hated racial discrimination, in theory, in all forms. That included favoring people for their real or perceived racial background as well as disfavoring. So preferential treatment to hiring practices were as taboo as preferential treatment for hate crimes.

In practice, many of the same Woke Folks that today said one thing but applied it only to reprimend white people, do so today while saying, proudly, “you can’t discriminate or be racist against white people.” But at the time, they feigned, “just hating racists” to ignore any such racism, bigotry or intolerance from any other group towards whites. They might, however, recognize it if, say, black people did a hate crime towards Asians, but they did so begrudgingly. They HATED having to proactively come out and police that as racism and declare it as such, because they wanted the discourse to evolve into, “it’s ONLY and EXCLUSIVELY racism when it’s white-on-others, because ONLY whites can be racist.” But that wouldn’t be for another 25+ years.

Even that stupid, safe, classic, “haha stupid insecure white man; there’s no such thing as Reverse Racism!” line? That’s a save.

Privilege Theory existed back then, you know. it was published in the late 80s, and the radicals had been using it unofficially for decades before then. But it was a radical school and in deep, and only peeked its head out to try and make cultural headway the way radicals try to make anything radical the mainstream. It just so happened that academia at the time and society at large was not willing to accept that permutation to the racism discourse or dialog. “All white people are racist and racism is an intrinsic quality of white people, nobody else can be” was tested, like a spank on the ass.

And it almost blew the illusion. So, they ran damage control and hid for a while, putting out feelers only for those so deep down the rabbithole or so gullible they’d accept that. And they gaslight anybody that experienced dealing with a radical asshole that said shit like that by saying, “oh that’s just Patty. She’s a meaningless extremist and has no power.” Or, “Haha are you really going to take that anecdote as signs progressive people are all like that bro? omg come on. XD.” Or, “You must have misunderstood her. I know how progressivism and anti-racism can seem when you’ve been raised your whole life by society and the media to think white people are by default superior, so any taste of equality feels like you’re being singled out and discriminated against. :^)”

But the fact is, “haha there’s no such thing as ‘reverse racism’“ had two endings. If you mentioned you experienced someone saying, ‘only whites could be racist and nobody else can be,’ you’d hear either:

1.) “lol no. They were just confused. Racism is the discrimination of anybody on the basis of race! So calm down, the established definition applies to all. :^)”

2.) “there’s no such thing as reverse racism, because racism is the phenomenon of the white supremacist power structure lording and oppressing People of Color. You cannot be racist to white people if you are black, Indigenous or Hispanic, because you have no privilege and no centuries worth of oppression. Cry more.”

Way back in the day we’d SEE these glaring contradictions. And in truth? Most of us hated racism, so we stomached the glaring, disjointed bullshit. But, we ALSO grabbed up that anti-racism stick and BEAT the privilege theorist types subversivelyu hijacking the culture over the head with that anti-racism, too. You wanna claim you hate something because it’s, “racist,” AKA, involves race in the cricteria of something at all? FINE. You’re also going to hate affirmative action and when people come down on the side of not-white people specifically because they’re not-white. You will ELIMINATE race from consideration in any aspect of secular modern civic society and private enterprise and protect everybody equally on the basis of being a person. And any instance that is not the case we’ll come down on you with all the heavy handed spite we see and experience of you fuckers coming down on us, showing us off on soap boxes and sacrificing us on the altars of public socialization to shame and belittle us for the bigotry of generations passed.

You want to hit me with that stigma and smear me as some sort of white supremacist because I object to a thing, dismissing my objection and chalking it up to white supremacism? Then by god I’m going to point out the hypocrisy in the supposed “progressive far left” and their tolerance of anti-semites like Farrakhan, their tolerance towards the polygamy, misogyny and religious fundamentalist patriarchy in Islam, and how non-white communities act and think the same way to protect their own respective ‘brands,’ and the only people you seem to go after for these crimes are the white ones.

Which was fair. After all, we all just, “hate racism :^)”, right? So if you’re going to be an aggrandizing asshole and make a big to-do about castigating a lowbrow joke as a “teachable moment” that involves making every progressive woman hypersensitive and reject men based on how taboo something is to say, then that lack of forgiveness and hypersensitivity and the results of that intolerance will also apply to YOU, god damnit.

But the supposed “progressive” people would not stop. Anti-”racism” was their new toy, aka, their stick to choose their targets and seem absolutely morally right for doing it, and they were going to play that social tool down to the hilt. They did not like being beaten at their own game by being flagged and forced to acknowledge glaring instances of hate crimes in the news when groups of roaming black men found and randomly beat up gentile whites and Jews. They did not like being forced to acknowledge those. So they’d object and scowl at the people bringing them up, like, “Why are we discussing the hate crimes of black men specifically?! You have a problem with black men!?”

Because remember, they were playing the defacto ‘whites are considered default Americans’ to the hilt when it suited them, and using it against people in the discourse suited them. You could talk about generic hate crimes that appear on the newspaper, because those were just regular hate crimes. Their mentality was, if you brought up hate crimes of Asians or black people, then clearly you were just a white man motivated by spite and insecurity to even be tabulating those in the first place, and that meant your opinion and point should be disregarded. You horrible anti-black/Asian racist.

So, please bear in mind, my case is not that white people are in any way better than anybody else. I don’t think that. But by god, in an era when the supposedly progressive, far-leftist, “woke” people are running around saying Europe and North America and Australia are by default white supremacist “cultures” that need “dismantling and replacement,” and simultaneously declaring, “white people do not exist,” and “there are no ‘white countries,’ just cultures and nations without race’ while ABSOLUTELY enshrining that EVERY country in Africa, even ones that are majority Semitic or Arab, are in fact, “black countries.” Or Asian countries being Asian. Or North America as still belonging to the native inhabitants and unjustly stolen land.

I absolutely abhor the doubletalk, I absolutely abhor the mentality that ONLY white people doing things is a problem. I hate that something ISN’T a problem when another group does it, but it’s JUST an issue when white people do it.

I want consistency. If people are going to enshrine and respect the existence, difference and integrity of a black culture in the USA, that is, a culture that exists purely because the people in it have black African features and characteristics and aren’t too “light skinned” to be part of it, and in an era supposedly trying to “get over” race and racial identity, tolerate that from everybody BUT white people, tolerate the idea of a, “chocolate New Orleans” but openly say New Hampshire or Maine being so majority white is an actual problem, then yeah, I’m going to expect one of two things:

1.) The woke/progressives actively discourage black Americans from considering themselves a separate or distinct culture from mainstream America. They stop secluding and culturally isolating themselves in their own hearts and minds and just be fellow countrymen.

2.) They acknowledge, enshrine and respect the fact whites do have their own specifically white cultures of which other races cannot be part of, they’re a distinct people that have their own communities and need their own communities to remain white.

They will do neither and would prefer if white people just disappear. The same sort of disappearance that they see as so disgusting and horrible if it were to happen to literally any other group of people on planet Earth.

When a Chinese immigrant arrives to the US, takes a wife (we’ll just assume white in this instance) and miscegenates, people later chalk this up to, “being colonized in a white supremacist pressure cooker culture.” And mourn how his kids and grandkids, “wash away his culture and background with every generation.” Instead of growing the Chiense-American community. They talk about him like he was enslaved and colonized and his culture eliminated from the American fabric by some schmoozing, destructive white plague cutting it down.

They talk about white Americans like we’re just originless, rootless vermin, and no such distinctness or integrity is to be respected. If we treated other groups in the US the way we treat white people that talk about their background, distinct cultures and etc., we’d be denying them any identity but mainstream American identity. If we treated black Americans that way, we’d be calling them black supremacists every time they wanted to have any sort of civic or educational or societal or community meeting to talk about blackness and the struggles of being black.

It’s just.... absolutely disgusting and frustrating, dealing with the hypocrites, the double standards, and the people maliciously using social justice values to sell policies and top-down application of cultural values the way used car salesmen try and sell people lemons. I dislike them.

I dislike that if a white person talked about their background or group the way a black person in the US does, they’d be called out for their insularity and eurocentrism in a heartbeat, shut down, deplatformed, become an effigy of conversation about, “the growing tide of white supremacism in America.” When all they’d do is take someone like DL Hugely or Cedric the Entertainer or Bernie Mac, and make it, ‘white ethnic’.

Imagine having your racism and in-groupcentrism excused because, “THAT’S PART OF YOUR CULTURE,” and immune to criticism or critical thought. But then, that’s exactly the mentality foisted on us by dialectic materialists and Marxists.

My preferred solution to all of this isn’t to respect white community or white sovereignty or white identitarianism. My preferred solution is the complete dissolution of race as a culture or background in the New World whatsoever. The Old World, you have indigenous cultures and communities across Europe, Africa and Asia that should NOT be expected to “mix” themselves up and out to where the indigenous featues and characteristics are marginalized or ‘bred out.’ That’s where they MAKE those people. But the New World is 100% different. Space should be 100% different.

But I’m also not going to accept, “well only half of us should kill ourselves.off :^)” either. While other communities across the Western World insist on having their communities and insular, demographically concentrated, demographic-culturally-conscious people respected and accommodated, I’m going to expect parity. And not an equality that uses privilege theory ow considers population size being disproportionate as, “they need it more than you.” No. You want to respect peoples, “cultures,” and consider black a culture in the US, then by GOD you will also respect and acknowledge those of European extraction as their own culture in the US. It’s all or nothing, you don’t get to single out one group as not existing or irrelevant and say, “race doesn’t exist” one minute, and then go on about how blackess, cultural and genetic, are “very real things that affect people very much and very really.”

These people would throw public money and social services at immigrant communities, hoping they demographically grow, maintain integrity and spread their numbers- preferably to red states, where they can start turning them purple, or blue. But they’d balk and consider it racist colonization if a white community moved to Niger or Chad and did the same for their own community interests. They’d call that racial supremacism and soft apartheid.

And I absolutely hate all of this.

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sebthesnipe · 5 years ago

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The Wounded Jellyfish

February Prompts 2/24

Prompt List

First // Previous February Prompt // Previous MDP Chapter // Next

The February Collection on AO3

My Dearest Procyon

Other works by me

Prompt: Umbrella / Unhappy

Ship: Prinxiety and Logicality

Original story based on this wonderful post by @underdog-arts

TW: Blood, violence, Jellyfish

“A half-dragon-half-witch that is also a queen?!” Roman asked excitedly as he walked beside the smaller man, his arms filled with the supplies they had purchased throughout the day.

“I guess so,” Virgil chuckled. “I don’t know why I would though.”

“Well, why wouldn’t you?” Roman scoffed.

“Fair,” the witch shrugged. Roman had been shooting Virgil suggestions of things he could possibly pull from dreams since he discovered the darker man’s ability. It seemed as if Roman was testing him, as if he didn’t truly believe in the man’s power. It was cute.

“Oh! One of those creepy, pink things that have all those tentacles and float around in the ocean?” the prince pressed, earning another laugh from Virgil.

“You mean a jellyfish?” the dark eyed individual clarified with a grin. He wasn’t sure if it was Roman himself that lightened his mood or the fact that he had come clean about his past. Either way, he felt lighter than he had in a long while. In fact, he was having such a good time with the prince that all thoughts of Logan’s deception had escaped him.

“Yeah! That!” Roman grinned in return, “A jellyfish!”

“I told you, I can make any-'' Virgil's words were cut short as a thin oily man bumped into Roman, causing their supplies to scatter at their feet. “Hey!” the witch snapped as the weaselly man raised his hands in surrender. “Watch where you’re going!”

“Sorry, sorry. My sincerest apologies, sir,” the man rushed, his voice nasally and shrill. “Allow me to assist.” He bent to scoop up the books Virgil had purchased along with a few of the jars of preserves, shoving them into Roman’s hands as the prince knelt to do the same.

“It’s alright, accidents happen,” Roman offered politely, accepting the items as he offered an uneasy smile.

“No, no. I must make amends,” the man continued earning a suspicious glare from the witch.

Virgil took a step back, not bothering to help the two pick up the mess they had made. No, something wasn’t right here. The space he set allowed him to keep a better eye on the slimy individual as he continued shoving items into Roman’s grasp.

The witch’s gaze caught the slight movement of the man’s hand brushing against Roman’s pockets, no doubt checking them for valuables. Virgil frowned. Roman was completely unaware of what was happening to him even as the man found his coin purse and managed to get it loose as Roman fumbled about. The poor sod was so dense it was almost adorable.

The oneiromancer didn’t hesitate to take a step forward, taking hold of the man’s wrist as the creep tried to stand.

“I don’t think so,” Virgil hissed, his hackles raised in his annoyance. “I’ll have that back, thanks,” he added, holding out his free hand for the purse.

The man’s gaze went wide with surprise as he eyed the witch, obviously trying to determine whether he would be able to take him. Roman was far too busy trying to balance all of the haphazardly placed supplies in his arms to be much of a threat. The man tugged at his arm, trying to get away, but Virgil’s hold remained firm.

“Virgil, what-” Roman interrupted, confused by his companion’s actions and earning a quick glance from the man.

The distraction was the perfect opportunity for the man to produce the small blade at his waist and lash out. Pain bloomed across Virgil’s chest, skin heating as it was split open. Somehow, the witch kept hold of the thief’s wrist even as he pulled back, dragging the man with him. The man used the newfound momentum to now thrust the sharp metal into Virgil’s side, finally winning his freedom as Virgil’s breath hitched in shock.

For an instant, everything seemed to freeze. The cold iron intruding into his muscles sent a chill through his body. His knees threatened to give way, about to deposit him onto the muddy ground. He glanced at the prince, whose horror was obvious on his features as he allowed the items in his hands to drop to the ground once more.

“Virgil!” Roman cried out, sounding as if he were far away despite the way the world seemed to stand still as Virgil began to fall.

……………………….

The cat sat in Patton’s lap, looking extremely unhappy under his crown of flowers. It was a very fitting look, considering how Logan currently was feeling. It was getting well into the late afternoon, and Virgil and Roman still weren’t back yet. Supply runs should not take this long.

Patton on the other hand seemed completely content as he worked the two needles against each other, knitting something that looked far too small to be anything but a rag. They had been like this for hours, Logan just lounging in the dragon’s lap as he worked, Patton still sneezing occasionally. He had even managed to catch one of his rags on fire by accident, giving a small cry as he desperately tried to put it out.

Logan wasn’t sure how much more of this he could ta-

He tensed as he felt the mana flow within him drain substantially. Something was wrong. Virgil wouldn’t use that much power unless there was an emergency, and he certainly wouldn’t use it in a populated area.

The clicking of the needles fell away as Patton froze in response as well, glancing in the direction of the surge of magical energy he suddenly felt. He wasn’t familiar with Logan or Virgil enough to recognize the feel of their magic, but as far as he knew, there were no other users in the area.

Logan jumped down from his perch immediately, bounding for the exit. Patton wasn’t too far behind him, scooping up his pack as he yanked open the door. The two rushed down the stairs and out the front of the inn without so much as a glance backwards.

……………………………

Roman’s hands pressed against the soft fabric of cloak Patton had given him. The bright red now mixed with the darker tint of Virgil’s blood as he applied pressure to his wound. Panic welled in his throat as he struggled to keep it together. Flashes of his kingdom burning and his loved ones dying in his arms threatened to break to the forefront of his mind.

“You’ll be fine, Virgil,” he whispered brokenly. He glanced about the street once more, desperately searching for help. The people that surrounded them simply stared, no one willing to help. “Someone get me a doctor, damnit!” he cried again, yelling at the onlookers who just whispered amongst themselves.

A young boy suddenly rushed forward, bending low to snactch Roman’s satchel before bounding back into the crowd. The realization that the small thief had just robbed him took a moment for the prince to process before he began to cry, holding Virgil even closer to him. How could the world really be this horrible?!

“Hey,” the witch’s weak voice came, “it’s okay.” Roman shook his head desperately, only pausing when he felt Virgil’s red stained hand against his cheek. “It’s all good, ah!” his breath hitched in pain, grimacing before continuing, “Princey. Gonna take more… more than this-”

Another set of footsteps could be heard, and when Roman glanced up, another portion of their supplies was gone.

“What are you doing?!” The tears doubling as they poured down Roman’s cheeks, dripping from his chin as he yelled at the crowd, “Can’t you see he’s in pain! He’s dying! Somebody do something!”

Virgil’s soft smile faded as he lifted his other hand, pulling Roman’s attention once more.

“S-stop moving…” the prince whispered, his voice cracking, “You’ll make it worse.”

Virgil, as usual, ignored the man, and twisted his hand this way and that, drawing an image in the air. The atmosphere around them began to grow heavy with something electric, sparks flying from the witch’s fingertips and showering down on them both. He brought the motions to a halt, leaning to press two fingers against Roman’s forehead and pulled back. A single glowing pink thread appeared from the spot between Roman’s eyes.

The string pulsed brightly once… twice… it jerked slightly, doubling in width before it jerked again… and again. Suddenly it split, far too many tendrils to count appearing from its middle.

The crowd gasped in horror, murmurs of ‘witchcraft’ washing through them as they backed away.

Swirling through the air, the original light engulfed the tendrils into a ring, popping up to make a dome, creating what appeared to be a floating jellyfish bobbing above them .

Roman stared up at the creature in awe, taking in the sight with a small shaky gasp.

“Virgil… it’s beautiful,” he whispered, smiling down at the quickly paling man.

“Only because it came from you,” the injured witch returned with his own weak smile, hissing as he shifted in Roman’s arms.

“WITCH!” Someone cried, tossing a stone. Roman cried out as it struck him in his shoulder and he bent low to try and protect Virgil with his larger body.

As if in retaliation, the glow of the jellyfish pulsed, the creature expanding to a massive size. The crowd was forced to stumble back as the umbrella spread across the ground, tendrils whipping out to shock anyone who drew near. Roman glanced up at the glowing pink shield that now completely enveloped them, but he made no move to stop shielding the smaller man himself.

“Ro.. Roman…” Virgil breathed, words catching in his throat as he began to choke. “You need… need to go. They’ll be after you now. They… They think you’re... you’re like me.”

“If I were half the man you are, I would be grateful,” the prince buried his face in the man’s chest, dampening his cloak further with tears. “I’m not leaving.”

Virgil gave a huff, the act forcing another wave of pain to shoot through him as he coughed.

“Logan… Logan will need you. H-He’ll die without me. You have to save him… Please…” the words slowly trailed off as Virgil’s voice grew weaker and weaker, uttering his last plea in a soft whisper.

Then his eyes fell shut.

“...I can’t… I can’t…” Roman cried, “I’m useless… I can’t save anyone!”, his sobs doubling as he clung to Virgil’s now limp body. He hadn’t been able to save his family or his home and he wasn’t able to save Virgil! How could he be expected to save Logan? He was a nobody that could do nothing. Perhaps it was better if he let the monsters around him think he was a witch,. Let them kill him for it. Maybe then at least he wouldn’t be in so much pain….

To be continued….

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@hiddendreamer67 @nightashes @aequinoctiale @sumersnowlilly

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transgenderteensurvivalguide · 6 years ago

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Hi, I was told by someone that I shouldn't use "NB" to refer to myself or others as nonbinary individual because "NB" already means "non-black". Is this, like... true? I always preferred using it over "nonbinary" or "enby"

Lee says:

The acronym “NB” does already stand for non-Black in some contexts, yes. But NB can also stand for non-binary in other contexts.

As someone who is both Black and non-binary, I’ve seen it used both ways and I’m usually able to figure out which meaning of the acronym is being used depending on the context.

Of course you should clarify how you’re using the term if the context doesn’t make it evident, but I don’t think that either group has exclusive claim over the acronym- it’s okay to use it to stand for either thing.

Take New Brunswick, for example. The postal abbreviation for the province is NB. Should we be throwing hands with all the people in New Brunswick and the post office because of that?

There are lots of times when two communities independently come up with an acronym to describe something and it just so happens that those acronyms overlap. Does that mean that one group is “stealing” the acronym or shouldn’t get to use it?

I get the old western movie vibes from this kind of conversation like “This town ain’t big enough for the both of us” but in this situation we aren’t two groups of people in the same town fighting for space, we’re in two separate towns which have the different names but the same nickname, and one town is suing the other because they said they came up with the nickname first so they get to copyright it, and the other town says they came up with their nickname independently and it has a completely different meaning so they should still get to use it. And the people living in the two towns are just like “Ok we get it, it’s slightly confusing, let’s just,,, move on with our lives because neither town is using the nickname in a way that’s harming the other!”

[Edit: turns out there are two New Brunswicks, one in Canada which is where I was referring to and one in New Jersey that I forgot about bc... it’s Jersey... (I’m from NY so i legally have to say that) but this is actually a good example of exactly what I’m talking about y’all! Multiple things, same name, it’s okay!]

So if you think that the way you’re using the “nickname” (ie acronym) is confusing because you don’t think the context of the post makes it clear whether you’re referring to non-Black or non-binary people, just… spell it out as the words “non-Black” or “non-binary” to introduce the term. Then feel free to use an acronym if you’d like to.

Enby is a shortened version of the word non-binary (pronounced “enn-bee” because it’s how you’d say the acronym NB) but there are non-binary people who don’t like being called “enby” because they feel it’s infantilizing for some reason.

I guess maybe they see it as analogous to the childhood form of the gender, like girl/boy/enby versus the adult form of the gender, like woman/man/non-binary person, but I don’t really know because I also haven’t seen a big push for it to explicitly be recognized as an age-defined term that’s explicitly meant to be used for younger people and exclude adults so I think it’s just the connotation of the word (as mentioned in a 2014 post on our blog here).

Some people are proposing trying to create different abbreviations for non-binary instead of using the NB acronym or enby version, but of course then you run into the “nobody knows what you’re talking about” issue because there aren’t any standardized abbreviations the whole community is aware of and supports.

But yeah, as a Black non-binary person myself, I don’t think it’s honestly a big deal because it doesn’t hurt us in any way that I can think of. It’s not like NB is a slur or offensive word referring to the Black community that non-binary people have decided to appropriate as a self-descriptor for their own identity, it’s just a way to say the phrase “non-Black”.

And while using “NB” to mean non-Black has definitely been a thing in both academic writing and community discourse, people haven’t been using it as a hashtag on a large scale. So nonbinary people dominating the content posted in the NB hashtag hasn’t erased our organizing or our conversation on the topic or suppressed our voices in some way because that was never a particularly popular hashtag in the Black community to organize with, so it isn’t like the non-binary community came by and “colonized” the tag.

The fact that a different community uses the same acronym to mean something else doesn’t mean we can’t discuss the ways that non-Black folks discriminate against and oppress Black folks anymore.

I do have to say I find the usage of both NBPOC (non-Black people of color) and NBPOC (Non-binary people of color) is more of a potentially irksome overlap as NBPOC is a tag that was used more often with the original race-related meaning, but overall I feel like there’s a lot of things that we could be doing to uplift the Black community (and to specifically support Black non-binary folks) that is a better use of our time than trying to put the genie back in the bottle with the gender-related NB acronym because it’s so widely used at this point and trying to undo that doesn’t actually provide a vast tangible benefit that I can see. So why spend our activism or mental and emotional energy fighting over this issue?

This is just my opinion, as one Black non-binary blogger, so I can’t speak for the whole Black and non-binary community in its entirety. But that’s the point; there isn’t a huge consensus on this topic in the Black community and one person can’t speak for all of us about what we believe because we have different beliefs! Some folks have strong opinions on the NB acronym on either side of the argument about whether it should be used, but even more people (like pretty much everyone else in my family IRL, especially the Black adults) simply don’t care or think it’s particularly important.

Saying “listen to Black people about Black issues!” is the right concept in a way- it applies when the majority of the marginalized group of people is on the same page about the thing, and it helps to recenter the lived experiences and need of the marginalized group in question instead of speaking for them or over them, but what do you do when you’ve got three different Black people who are all equally affected by the issue telling you three different things about the topic and then three more who couldn’t care less?

Sometimes you can look at the other opinions the person holds and see if what they believe with generally matches what you believe and see if they’re informed on the topic to decide if you think their opinion should hold more weight than the other people’s opinion, but there are people who will have great takes on a lot of issues but just don’t get it right on That One Thing, so what then? Usually people end up just listening to the Black person who is telling them what they already agree with.

Hypothetical: You’re not part of a marginalized group. Within the marginalized group, there are two groups of people, both equally affected by the thing in question, with one group of people asserting opinion A and one group of people asserting opinion B.

Assertion A says “X thing is harmful, do Y thing instead!”, and assertion B says “X thing isn’t harmful, and I have no issues with Y alternative either”, then I’d follow the wishes of group A if you genuinely can’t tell which situation is occurring and don’t know if the thing is harmful.

That’s because listening to group A means you potentially avoid a negative outcome whereas group B believes nothing negative will occur either way so you’re hedging your bets to do the thing that’ll create the least harm.

So if the alternative Y isn’t bad then it doesn’t hurt to switch to it and avoid potentially creating harm. But if group A doesn’t propose an alternative Y to the X thing, or there’s an issue with alternative Y that makes it problematic itself, then it gets confusing again.

Following that logic, if you’re NB (as in not-Black lol) and genuinely can’t figure out what you believe, when in doubt, you can just spell out the words “non-binary” and “non-Black” instead of abbreviating it because typing out a few extra characters avoids the whole issue altogether!

So even though I personally believe it’s fine to use NB either way and that the whole fuss is kind of silly when you put it perspective with the actual issues we should be advocating for, it’s fine if you want to use an alternative acronym or abbreviation to refer to non-binary people. (Followers, feel free to suggests alternatives that you’ve heard of!)

It’s also true that replacing the term “non-binary” with an acronym isn’t necessary in the first place; you can just write “non-binary” or make a shortcut on your phone (this will expand your acronym or abbreviation of choice into the entire term) if you don’t like wasting time typing.

#Lee says #nb #transgenderteensurvivalguide #trans #transgender

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