#sam qualiana

[thecraggus]

Post Apocalyptic Commando Shark (2018) Review

Post Apocalyptic Commando Shark might be the film that kills Shark Weak for me. It's one of, if not the, worst things I have ever watched. #Review

[moviesandmania]

LAKE EFFECT (2023) Creature feature - free to watch on YouTube

Lake Effect is a 2023 American horror film about a group of friends must survive a storm, while being hunted by a creature with frightening abilities. Written and directed by Sam Qualiana. Produced by Kyle Haner. Executive produced by Richard Chizmar. The Cemetary Dance Publications-Metroshia Productions stars Jason John Beebe, Bob Bozek, Bill Brown, Robert A. Coldicott, Andrew Elias, Erika…

[gbhbl]

Horror Movie Review: The Legend of Six Fingers (2013)

There are far worse versions of this film out there. We know, we’ve seen a lot of them and reviewed them, but as far as being a recommended watch goes, The Legend of Six Fingers just doesn’t cut it.

A passion project of Sam Qualiana, who wrote, directed, and stars in the film, The Legend of Six Fingers is a no-budget found-footage/mockumentary style horror with some watchable elements. That being said, it’s not a good film. It’s cheap and amateurish, lacking anything really memorable and failing to keep attentions focused. This, in a film that isn’t very long at all, is a problem. Andrew…

[movie-titlecards]

Post Apocalyptic Commando Shark (2018)

My rating: 6/10

This may have worked better in a different, shorter format, being a very silly thing that kind of wears a little thin at feature length, but it's still pretty entertaining as is.

[fromthestacks]

Snow Shark

[adamwatchesmovies]

Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast (2012)

Anyone in their right mind would take less than five minutes to identify Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast as complete garbage, turn off their TV, eject the DVD from their machine and promptly smash it with a hammer. It lures you in with a title so crazy it promises some laughs. It delivers a no-talent, zero-effort generic monster movie.

On February 6, 1999, an earthquake in the state of New York unleashes a prehistoric snow shark: a carnivorous fish that swims through the snow and devours every bad actor it encounters without mercy. Hopefully, the combined efforts of a cryptozoologist (Andrew Elias), biologist (Kathy Thiel Murphy), shark hunter (Cameron Caine), and a couple of random shmos (which include director, writer, cameraman, special effects wizard Sam Qualiana and Michael O’Hear) can take down this monster.

Talking about this film is a waste of time. There’s nothing good, or even mediocre about it. The special effects are awful, the acting worse, the script lousy, the plot rambles, and none of it makes sense. It’s obvious the casting was determined entirely by whether the director's friends wanted to be in a movie called Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast. Anyone who answered 'yes' was hired. The parts were then delegated as follows: Anyone who could hold a gun steady so muzzle flashes could be added in post-production while they pretended to shoot at something that wasn’t there was cast as a random hunter. Anyone who could memorize their lines if they were given to them a day in advance was given a leading role. Any hot chicks willing to take off their clothes didn't even need to do the first two. That extra level of sleaze from the nudity ensures Snow Shark won't even be shown to the director’s family and friends and any run-of-the-mill viewers will want to crawl into a hole to die alone.

I cannot believe that director, writer, etc. etc. Sam Qualiana genuinely likes movies and filmmaking. While there’s a director’s commentary on the DVD and a bunch of short films thrown in with the Bonus features, there's no passion here. Snow Shark screams “I’ve seen a couple of movies once, I bet I could do that”. Only the most disillusioned, or cruel sort of person could look at this film and release it to the public. You’ve seen YouTube videos with better production.

You may look at the cover for Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast and anticipate a film so awful it will be enjoyable. You won’t be able to derive any joy from its agonizing 79 minutes. The killing blow is the audio. Often, you can barely hear what the characters are saying. When people open their mouths, you hear the unmistakable fuzz of dialogue that was recorded with the wrong equipment using the wrong settings. You'd be driven mad by listening to that noise for an extended period. There aren’t any subtitle options available either, so you can’t mute the film. Snow Shark can’t even follow conventional storytelling techniques or fall back on lazy clichés. It’s barely watchable. (On DVD, March 31, 2017)

[horrorsociety]

Discover 'The Legend of Six Fingers' On DVD This June! Read More Here: http://www.horrorsociety.com/2014/03/06/discover-the-legend-of-six-fingers-on-dvd-this-june/

[bloodymovies]

Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast

[thecraggus]

Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast (2011) Review

Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast brings home movie charm - and adult home movie nudity - to Shark Weak #Review

[moviesandmania]

POST APOCALYPTIC COMMANDO SHARK (2018) Reviews and free to watch online

POST APOCALYPTIC COMMANDO SHARK (2018) Reviews and free to watch online

Post Apocalyptic Commando Shark is a 2018 science fiction action comedy film about an army of half-man and half-shark superhuman soldiers. Written, directed by and co-starring Sam Qualiana (Lake Effect; The Legend of Six Fingers; Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast). The American Metroshia Productions movie also stars Mick O’Keefe, Andrew Elias, Sam Qualiana, Chris Cosgrave, John Karyus, Arlowe Price,…

[gbhbl]

Horror Movie Review: Porkchop II: Rise of the Rind (2012)

Horror Movie Review: Porkchop II: Rise of the Rind (2012)

The original Porkchop movie wasn’t a terrible movie. However, the super-low budget slasher flick had some pretty unforgivable issues. You can read our full review of it here. Silly, fun and gory there was entertainment to be had but few people were calling for a sequel.

Well, that hardly matters because we got one in 2012.

The cleverly titled Porkchop II: Rise of the Rind sees the pig-mask…