#sam and cas are bffs in my heart

[sleepyeepy]

need sam and cas bffs fic recs !!!! sam and cas being nerdy loser best friends is so important to me… like it is crucial to my physical well being >0< they deserve to geek out about ancient mesopotamia together PLZZZZZZZ

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 229

Dark Dynasty/Flatline

“Dark Dynasty”

Plot Description: a familiar tattoo leads the brothers deeper into the world of the Styne family, and Castiel plays referee between Charlie and Rowena

(The second half of that sentence interests me greatly)

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: I won’t even monetize my hobbies, I’m not gonna do shady medical studies where my eyes might get gouged out for a little bit of money

Stop yelling at her, Sam!! She’s trying to help you and you chained her up

The Styne family is so uninteresting to me. I hope they don’t have a lot of significance in future seasons

Sam, you are wholly unconvincing in your lying about where you’ve been sneaking off to.

And Dean randomly deciding to research the Stynes because he’s a little bored is just…too convenient

I FEEL Charlie’s exasperation with the brothers. The CONSTANT secret keeping and going against the other’s wishes. It’s a lot to deal with

You know…I think I would watch a show with the nerd, the witch, and the angel…

Sam knowing that Cas literally has nothing else going on right now. He doesn’t have to save or overthrow heaven, he’s not even allowed there

Oh Cas. Oh Cassyyyyy, “if I’m going to referee I should know the rules.” I love that even though he knows cultural references now, he still doesn’t get commonly used phrases

Cas didn’t know that Dean doesn’t know they’re doing this?? How many times does Sam need to be told that this won’t end well??

Charlie and Cas bffs 5ever

You can’t truly expect Rowena to be in this “for Dean.” She barely knows him, they’ve tried to kill each other, and all his friends have her locked in some abandoned warehouse

I’ve missed Crowley

How good are these security cameras? They’re not even this good on cop shows. There’s no way they should be able to get that clear of a visual of the guy’s tattoo after zooming in that much.

Castiel coming in with snacks while Rowena and Charlie snip at each other is quite comical….I take it back, they’re a little bit bonding. Once they get past the difference in aesthetics of their way of decoding things, there are some things in common after all

Well, Charlie doesn’t want to see the similarities, but that doesn’t make them nonexistent

It’s…weird when the boys are the least interesting part of an episode, but that’s chasing after the Styne family for ya

Sam, I’m so sorry for calling you an unconvincing liar. The real crown for that goes to Castiel. He calls Sam’s phone, Dean answers. He tells Dean that he’s just staying in touch…like he does. Then that this call is pointless and ends with “my ride’s here” and hangs up

Oof, now Dean’s suspicious…that can’t be good

SHE LEFT HER PET COVEN LEADER???

Why can Crowley talk to hamsters? How does that make sense? Is it because she’s really human underneath that?

You boys really don’t want to be messing with this Winchester, I promise you that

*presses pause* No…they can’t be doing this. Not even supernatural can do THIS (and I say this knowing there’s still a scooby doo episode in my future). So. This dude Dean captured, part of the Styne family. He just revealed that they’ve been harvesting organs and enhancing their own bodies (adding extra hearts and other organs and muscles) with said body parts. Turns out this family had to change their name a couple hundred years ago…in the 1800s. I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL SUE THE CW IF THEY ARE INSINUATING THAT THESE PEOPLE ARE THE FRANKENSTEIN FAMILY *presses play* I’M CALLING MY LAWYER (does not actually have a lawyer)

Oh nooooo oh no oh no oh no. While Sam is distracted with a phone call from Cas about Rowena and Charlie constantly fighting, Dean’s now found out that the Book of the Damned CAN’T be destroyed and is piecing together that Sam’s been lying to him this whoooooole time

I never saw 127 Hours…did the guy rip off his arm or leg in that? If arm, this Styne has 127 Hours’d himself out of the bunker’s dungeon. When he called each of his family members expendable, he meant it

Casssssss Cas Cas you can’t leave her in an unwarded room all by herself. I love her but she’s gonna get the fuck out of there. WHERE DID CHARLIE GO???

This music while Dean is confronting Sam about the book is INTENSE. It is STRESSFUL

It’s a powerful image, the Styne guy just banging on the door to Charlie’s motel room with what’s left of his left forearm. He could use his whole right one but no

OHHHHHH DEAN’S RIGHTEOUS ANGER. It’s been a while

I knew it would eventually come but I didn’t know it was today. I didn’t WANT it to be today…RIP Charlie 😭😭😭

“Flatline”

Plot Description: Clara goes against an enemy beyond human perception

I’ll tell ya one thing. Having an episode named Flatline right after my beloved Charlie died is CRUEL

This is a weird af episode. Not only are people being turned 2D, but the TARDIS has shrunk to toy size

Ok ok ok ok but Clara pretending to be the Doctor because he’s stuck in the TARDIS is a fun move

Thing is Clara’s found herself a companion for the episode. It’s amazing

There’s so much lying going on in these shows today. Everyone was lying to Dean, Clara’s lying to Danny about where she is and what she’s doing

I’m…kind of over the Doctor monologuing to…I guess it might actually be soliloquizing in the TARDIS

It’s verrrryyyyyyyy interesting how well the Doctor has (consciously or not) trained Clara to be just like him. Danny will SEETHE when he finds out just how alike his girlfriend and the man he can’t stand are

It’s an extra weird episode. The Doctor’s there but not really, Clara’s feelings toward him seem to vacillate between thinking the worst of him while shoving that in his face and the same blind loyalty as ever, and that’s on top of the aliens from a 2D universe turning people 2D and studying them…but there’s too much of the last part…and it’s the least interesting part. It’s visually interesting but…I take it back, there’s too much emphasis on the special effects. THAT’s why this episode is bad

Is watching the Doctor Addams Family Thing the TARDIS off the train tracks worth the rest of this episode? I don’t know but it’s probably going to be the highlight of the episode for me

Oh thank god, Clara. You’re on your own, kid. And I’m glad you’re taking charge and not asking what the Doctor would do no. It’s up to you to figure out what YOU would do and are going to do now

Why was he able to monologue at them, sonic them with the screwdriver, and banish them?? Why couldn’t anyone else monologue and sonic them????

[linipik]

Craig of the Creek is such a sweet show, so seeing the Supernatural boys as just kids playing games in that universe is really nice. I'm definitely up to learning more about that au if you've got the time!

YESssss THANK YOU!!!!!!!   ANd yeah, of course,  it got me a while but here it is:  I end up making soft aus as a reaction to pain, and spn is just pain packed on a 15 years show

[THIS POST GETS LONG but i didnt wanted to divide it]

anyway, thinking about the Winchester brothers being literal kids, and just playing on the creek.... Ages are something about 10-11 years for Dean and Sammy would be around 6-7.

they live with uncle Bobby because their father works away ( and I want john very far away from them).

Craig of the Creek functions on nostalgia and children’s magic (imagination, trust, etc) And they... probably don’t hunt bc wtf they are children. But they help people, get into troubles to help others with theirs. (Maybe with a side of supernatural entities or true mysteries?? there are already some ghosts on Craig …)

NOW, I'm betting on Dean still being some kind of 80s nostalgia freak would match perfectly, horror movies, cassettes, classic rock? all that packed on a very daredevil child. Of course Dean is the ultimate big brother and he is 1. in charge 2. won't let Sammy out of his sight.

...Even less when Sam is terribly well intentioned and will try to find the truth or just help anyone that asks. Sammy wants to be a lawyer and would debate fiercely and research and be a bit of a book nerd, he could be going into some advanced placement program very soon tbh.  And of course he tries to follow Dean’s steps, i mean, he wouldn't be sam without thinking his brother is the best human ever.

I think having a car as some kind of base is a bit of a  hazard...but also it’s very cool, and i imagine that when they can finally open the trunk they find lots of books, notebooks and vhs (i’m thinking of other kids from the creek)  (( edit// since i started writing this i  caught up with craig of the creek and this actually happen with a capture the flag game?!!! amazing)))

Next step is talking about demons: That’s too bitter, right? but from all the parts about demons  im gonna take are the deals. But they are...favours, you know? the demons crew help a kid with something ALWAYS in exchange of something else.  (you know, like the other side of the creek?, like that but less sweets, more...favours and promises. Manipulative even vengeful? yes a bit, but kids can be very ruthless. DO we want them to have the deals in some secret base? yeah that sounds cool!... and you can see how they bring lot’s of problems to everyone since every kid has needed help at some point!!)

NOW, Angels: imo, angels and the whole heaven should be something very apart from the creek but...; adjacent so i thought about something like a very strict private school, maybe with a side of boarding school (also catholic imo) and it has a) a big space that limits with the creek b) students are not supposed to go out. Almost all spn angels are there in some way (like one of those primary school+ middle school + highchool on the same place kind of places) 

Enters Cas being an absolute rebel going out when he is not supposed to, and , you know, so his uniform won’t get all dirty he uses this big old trenchcoat!, because they get grounded when anything is outside of the rules like a dirty uniform from exploring the creek. Cas might sneak out sometimes and help the Winchesters (and more than once gets grounded on their behalf) he still doesn't get most of the pop culture references, bit of a history nerd and triathlon champion, not that he likes it or even talks about it, but it’s just something he does because of school. At the end, he still rather be on the creek with Dean and Sam most of the time, same old spn.

I’m making Chuck also existing, and he got a big family, you know? he got teenage sons (luci, gabe, raph and Michael) then he remarried and got stepchildren and all! but at the end he is a famous writer and  can’t be home that often. Also auntie Amara is her best girlboss, no children of her own, but sometimes visits and brings her own brand of havoc. 

- I imagine plots like: Cas getting Dean out of some kind of deal while  Demon crew (who all shall have sunglasses) tries to get Sam to join them That time they opened the trunk of their amazing car/base to find all sort of files on demon deals or why cas’s school is so against the creek Or my most ambitious one: making a summer camp out of purgatory where cas and dean are sent to after getting into big trouble The moment they finally get that Crowley, that have been helping them, is actually King of the deals! ...and like 15 years of adjusting amazing SPN plotpoints into Craig of the Creek mind space. Equally important, just less death and monsters. it is truly limitless!!! I can imagine the whole spn universe translated in the creek with the very creek problems and it melts my heart.

My third eye is wide open to have all spn characters into creek style characters, like Ellen and Jo going to visit Bobby (and the boys) one day, or finding anna or gabriel in the creek when they Should Not Be there! kevin and zeke and alfie and...just everyone even Rowena just mistaking the winchesters for his son’s friends !! there are so many options!! 

It is some version of soft SPN where something like Amara trying to convince Dean to let Sam be his own person is valid, where Naomi is more a counsellor that sees in Cas big potential if he could just stops getting into trouble.. until she understands how important are his new friends to Cas. Or where Sammy gets to accept he can have both: the adventures and time in the creek with his brother and be his academic book-smart self

Kids being kids

---

anyway, I love basically translating one show into another universe’s rules, makes me appreciate both even more and i needed something soft like this. Also it took me months to answer because I wanted to add the sketches but work got in the way.

[clairenatural]

i love sam winchester! i love him. and so does cas! cas would canonically die for sam winchester and i think that’s wonderful. sam is important to the narrative and both dean and cas love him very much. i love sam 

[trystcnthorne]

choices li tag game

got tagged by my bff @bryceslahela love u babes <3 (not tagging anyone else i’m lazy)

the freshman series - kaitlyn at first then i dumped her for zig my prince <3

tc&tf - kenna dated val dom dated sei

most wanted - dilf dave and milf sam endgame

rules of engagement - mc dated leo, the brother with elena, party twin with chef mira and loser twin with annoying audrey they deserve each other

endless summer - ESTELABEAR

love hacks - ben… but brooke in my heart

the haunting of bw manor - my ghost gf eleanor

the royal romance - king liam FUCK THE REST! (not u hanakins)

hero - both kenji and eva i’m a whore i fear

high school story - michael harrison

it lives in the woods - i didn’t care for the romances but ava

it lives beneath - again i didn’t care but danni i guess

home for the holidays - fuck this book

red carpet diaries - my queenie victoria

perfect match - hayden was my main damien and alana were my sidechicks i love being a pixel whore

bloodbound - KAMILAH MY GODDESS

veil of secrets - flynn, he repulses me now

america’s most eligible - mackenzie/beautiful contestant. i also did a dump adam for goddess bianca route

desire and decorum - ANNABELLE PARSONS… SUCH AN UNDERRATED ROUTE

across the void - i hate this book so much and the siblings lis but i chose kepler for mc

big sky country - i hate all of them but i chose juliette

the elementalists - shreya mistry

a courtesan of rome - i’ve romanced both syphax and sabina

the heist: monaco - MY PRINCESS SONIA ENEMIES TO LOVERS EXCELLENCE

ride or die - colt kaneko

open heart - jackie varma

passport to romance - i didn’t care abt any of them but i picked marisa

wishful thinking - was whoring between anna jaime and ellen

nightbound - all boring, i chose katherine

platinum - RALEIGH MY BF

sunkissed - eliana flores. barely had scenes but she was so cute

bachelorette party - ash, he was the best of the bunch i fear

mother of the year - levi but i kinda wish i did a thomas route

save the date - simon hendricks. hate this book and justin btw

the royal masquerade - male!asian hunter was very cute but black!female kayden was too gorgeous i can’t

baby bump - mr. convington. i changed his name to james bc clint is a fugly name. i hate this bitch but i hate the mayor even more

hot couture - luz but it should’ve been milf hazel

with every heartbeat - rip dakota 😔🙏

blades of light and shadow - malkins my silly thief <3

witness - FUCK YOU CASSIAN

distant shores - captain edward at first then i chose charlie

the nanny affair - female!latina sam

a very scandalous proposal - black!male simon, he was cute idc

queen b - zoey my princess 🫶

the unexpected heiress - john at first but gemma’s route was too good i love a forbidden romance

my first two loves - noah harris FUCK YOU MASON

ms. match - male!latino jack monroe

rising tides - i blind tapped through the whole book not even kidding so idk who i ended up with

wolf bride - FUCK YOU BASTIEN AND MORGAN

foreign affairs - blaine hayes my poopoo bear 🤭

slow burn - both julia and everett but juliakins my endgame

laws of attraction - GABE MY SEXY AND SMART KING

shipwrecked - boring romance between the captain and mc SNOOZE

wake the dead - all of them but i ended up with eli

surrender - FUCK YOU REAGAN

crimes of passion - TRYSTAN MY FOREVER ANGELBEAR I LOVE YOU

untameable - kit jackson you are a loser

the princess swap - speed tapped through the whole book idc about both lis

the cursed heart - YOU ARE A LITTLE BITCH KIERAN

immortal desires - both cas and gabe but i liked cas a tad bit more

[demenior]

⛔

I forgot I reblogged that emoji ask game and I spent TOO long wondering what I'd done that finally got me cancelled sldkfjslakjdf.

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

Oh buddy I have so many. I've gotten better over the years at curbing my enthusiasm, but I'm like a popcorn maker of ideas. I start slow as I get into something, and then they're firing out of me at an unstoppable rate, and then as I wean out of a media they slow down. This results in everythng from good to bad to hilarious to great ideas.

Lots of them I try to incorporate into stuff I'm already writing (like a throwaway line, or a small scene as a personal nod to a concept I liked) just to get it out of my system.

Here's a sample:

Critical Role

Werewolf au

An entire story just about Fjord's parents and who they are/were when they met. The story would have ended when Fjord was born so it would have been like 100% OCs.

Uk'otoa Fairy Godmother

A whole story about Fjord meeting one or both parents

Supernatural

Back in 2010 I had a post s5 finale fix-it story where Sam had returned from The Cage as a sum of Lucifer and Sam, who was a little brother and wanted big brothers' love. And so brought John and Mary back to life while lurking around watching Dean like the worlds' creepiest stalker. This would be from Dean's pov as he navigated suddenly having his parents back, as they tried to figure out who brought them back, and the three of them trying to be a family. A sub-plot would be that Mary and John wouldn't approve of Cas, because he's Not Human, and so Dean would be sneaking around to see his bff and somewhere along the way it turns into Dean sneaking around with his boyfriend and trying to figure out how to admit to his parents that he's queer.

You can see where a lot of this got poached for the The Love It Takes series <3

Kingdom Hearts

I have like 15k written of the KH3-era Heroes of Light trying to learn how to cohabit and learning how to be human. There's a lot of intense codependency.

Voltron

I have like 15k of Shiro-Atlas shenanigans and being mysteriously magical and slice of life of living in the sentient Atlas

A 'Shiro is the White Lion' story

A fantasy au where Shiro and Ulaz are an arranged marriage to form peace between their kingdoms

Culture clash where Ulaz wants to perform a sacred Galra soulmate ritual on Shiro to make Shiro spiritually Galran so they will go to the same afterlife when they die, and all the pushback he gets for that. Including that the afterlife isn't very important to Shiro.

A pre-dating Keith is Posessive of Shiro story (it's for laughs at Keith's expense. He gets it from his mom)

A whole future story where Rahjim gets assassinated by the Galra which kickstarts a whole rebellion uprising that turns the tide in the Galra war. A few months down the line it turns out Rahjim is still alive, lost an arm, and has decided to stay "dead" to be a martyr for the cause. He's living his fantasy of being a wartime pilot/fighter but he also hates not having money or power and he and Shiro eventually reconnect and it's an interesting new dynamic

All that and more!

[filthy-reckless-rp]

♛ Spotted on the Upper East Side…

Name: Juliette Vanderbilt Pronouns: She/Her Age: 19 years old Hometown: Los Angeles, CA Occupation: Sophomore at Columbia University, Model Social Status: Insider Faceclaim: Renee Rapp

Who Is Juliette?

“Cause I’m just a summer girl, I wear my flip flops and when I let my hair down, that’s when the party starts.”

Juliette, Juliette, Juliette... Keeping out of trouble, are we? I remember when you were on almost my every blast and now what? You’re going to be some boring lawyer? I think we need to have a heart to heart. Last I checked, you were the California princess, crashing onto the Upper East Side with the intention of running away from your past. You fit in easily with our ‘in’ crowd (thank you charming personality and last name), becoming besties with all the right people and seemingly, starting over. You’ve always been fun, flirty and ready to dive into most bad ideas head first. It got you in a little bit of trouble though, didn’t it? Scandalous rumours flew, totaled limos were never the same again. There’s been some tears, some steamy scenes and here you are. You made it. Of course I’m not surprised, you’ve always been a fighter. Literally, sometimes (Jesse usually in the background holding you back). You’re not afraid to be heard. Only... Who’s hearing from you now, J? Pick up your phone, honey. I’m calling you. XOXO ---Gossip Girl 

A Little Extra

Juliette Vanderbilt was the Queen B of her high school back in LA. The wind blew mysteriously when she walked down the halls, jaws always dropped and everyone who was anyone wanted to know her. Be around her. Her inner circle was small (more of a triangle) with best friend Roni and boyfriend Sam. They were a little dream team, you know? Spending days driving in the sunshine, shopping and posting pics on their Instagrams. It was teenaged dream... Until it wasn’t. Long story short, Juliette’s BFF Roni decided to ruin her life, spill her secrets, slander her good name. Roni turned Sam against her, stole him for herself but what really hurt? The betrayal. Sure, Juliette had thought that Roni could be a bit jealous but it wasn’t anything to worry about. They were closer than that. They loved each other. Apparently, not enough. Long story short, Juliette ran away, moving to the Upper East Side where things would hopefully be different. Better. There she would have time to nurse her wounds, reinvent herself, rise from the ashes or, like, whatever. Something powerful like that.

Coming to New York turned out to be the best thing for it, the heartache. Juliette was always popular and it didn’t stop on the Upper East Side. She already had the ‘Vanderbilt’ name to introduce herself with and summer memories of hanging out with Nate’s girlfriends (sorry, girlfriend and friend- at the time). Building herself back up again wasn’t easy but she did it. Juliette had friends, had kissed other boys, fallen into other messy drama that took her mind off things. It was truly a new life, a new chapter. And then one day she woke up, went to school and boom. Juliette’s world was shattered all over again: Samuel Watts was back. He was there. A thousand unsaid, screamed words and feelings, passionate fury that she’d tried to forget flared up again. He was still with Roni. He was still breaking her heart. She was still stupidly in love with him. Juliette and Sam were as messy as ever and it all ended with a kiss and yet another thousand unsaid, screamed words. Juliette felt unbelievably frustrated with her life, with her friends, with her heart. It felt like time to run again, to start over. Graduation came and, well, that’s exactly what she did.

What Does Gossip Girl Have On Them?

Juliette was not a part of the original Gossip Girl takedown although she did support Jesse’s dreams. She had her own Sam-related drama to deal with, you know? Gossip Girl had taken more than a few stabs at her though so GG had go to hell. XOXO, bye bye.

Connections

Tripp Vanderbilt - the older brother. An absolute goof but she loves him dearly. Kinda proud that he’s managed to resist their family’s pressuring hand this long- she certainly hadn’t managed the same.

Peter, Nick and Chris Vanderbilt - the cousins.

Nate Archibald - the Archibald cousin. Juliette didn’t turn her back on Nate after the whole Howard thing but these days? She’s as MIA with him as anyone.

Samuel Watts - the ex. The ex she might still love, and hate, and think about all the damn time.

Veronica Ravenwood - the ex best friend. The ex best friend she might still love, and hate, and think about all the damn time. And want to destroy. And be friends again with... It’s a whole mess.

Jesse Walker - one of many of her Upper East Side besties who she, um, hasn’t really spoken to in a while. Leaving her friends on read is pretty much the Juliette standard these days.

[sidecarghost]

My Reaction to Destiel in Spn 15x18 to 15x20

Notes: this will contain spoilers for up to series finale 15x20.

I am in LGBTQ+, and this is my personal opinion on the treatment of Destiel, Dean, and Castiel in episodes 15x18-15x20. The LGBTQ+ community is complex and varied, just like any community, so I do not intend for my views to be seen as representative. I think any reaction is just as valid as mine.

Castiel’s Declaration and Dean’s Response

I personally thought Misha Collins’ performance of Castiel’s declaration of love was earnest and authentic. It was beautiful, and I loved every word of it. What bothered me about 15x18 was Dean not reciprocating. I understand that love doesn’t always work out, but this is a LGBTQ+ relationship. There are so few LGBTQ+ relationships on tv, so it’s difficult to understand why anyone would see the need to add an unfulfilled LGBTQ+ relationship that leaves the queer character unloved. LGBTQ+ are just as worthy to be loved as cishet. Before this viewers could use their imagination, but now it’s pretty final that Dean never thought of Cas as more than a friend, and that Dean is vaguely to deeply disturbed by his BFF being in love with him.

I think 15x20 tried to firmly establish Dean as cishet (retconning any prior subtextual queer coding) by having Dean show more affection to his car joining him in Heaven then he had to his LGBTQ+ friend near death. I hate that Dean is so cold to Cas during that declaration scene, and then no other insight into Dean’s feelings is ever shown. So we can only infer Dean’s feelings from that scene and the reaction reads confused, disturbed, shocked, and disbelieving. And I feel second hand crushed for Castiel. That would not be a happy moment for me at all. Just because Dean doesn’t feel any attraction to Castiel I don’t think that excuses his coldness during the declaration. This was a heartless way to react to a close queer friends admittance to an attraction, and the cold shoulder reaction seems really OOC for Dean.

Dean is typically much more sensitive about other people’s feelings. I know he is often painted as tough and unfeeling, but that’s really when his own feelings are in question. Usually he seems very in tune when someone else needs emotional support, and here he is just like mentally checking out. Dean appears to be thinking “Oh my BFF is confessing his love, I will just gawk at him like he is some kind of crazy.” Then Dean’s last words to Castiel are “Don’t do this, Cas,” because he’d like his final message to be invalidating. And then there is HUGE problem that Dean was so disturbed by Cas’s declaration that he never mentions it over the course of 15x19 and 15x20. Even though his friend gave his life for him.

Bad Representation more Harmful than No Representtion

I could be wrong, but I feel like the inclusion of Destiel this late in the game just to make it unrequited was malicious. And that’s because Destiel is a big thing for fandom and especially LGBTQ+ in fandom. Even non-Spn fandom LGBTQ+ know all about Destiel. I never dreamed the ship would go canon, and that was fine because the show could play out and I could read and write fic. Destiel was a fun ship, because the characters had wonderful development from the show, and the actors had great chemistry and were good looking and talented. Dean and Cas were complex and multi-dimensional and ready to run a coffeehouse or become pop star wannabes in a televised singing contest.

The show never told fans Dean and Cas wouldn’t love each other, so it was so easy for me to imagine they would love each other. That has changed since I watched the finale. I personally can’t ship Destiel anymore because all I remember now is the angel giving the hunter his heart, and Dean being so cold and uncaring. Dean stays so far away from Cas like he can’t stand to be close to him. When the two characters used to be in each other’s personal space all the time. It’s like the show wanted me to know how wrong I was to ever read a romance there. As though I had personally offended Dean Winchester. I always thought Dean could be bi, but now he is canon cishet to me. Because if he was going to be attracted to a guy it’d be Cas, because he is the most badass character on show. I’m okay with explanation that Dean was shell shocked in 15x18, but Dean’s continued indifference in 15x20 makes it more likely to me that the show intended for Dean to just not feel that way about Cas.

LGBTQ+ Character Erased

The show ended 10 days ago, but many LGBTQ+ spn fandom members are still reeling from Castiel’s erasure from the story as soon as he came out. There was so much hope that the show was giving LGBTQ+ fandom a ship they never expected in 15x18. The way everything seemed to signal that Dean and Cas would be brought back together in 15x20. And theories abounded on possible scenarios. My personal favorite was Dean rescuing Castiel from the Empty in 15x20 as a reverse of Castiel rescuing Dean from Hell in 4x01. This felt historic to see an actual fandom mlm ship finally get validated on the show, like LGBTQ+ were being seen and told we were just as valid as cishet by the show we loved.

But in the end, the LGBTQ+ relationship was just a tease. A queer angel declared his love and died. Then Dean died so he’d never get chance to process his feelings (if he had any). Dean and the viewers learned Cas had been saved, but Dean never bothered to pray to Cas or make any other attempt to reconnect with him. Had Cas escaped before Dean’s death? Had Cas just let Dean die? We never find out. Whether intentional or not, Castiel no longer had any significance in the life or death of the man he loved so strongly. If you related to Cas the exemption was a gut punch. I saw Cas as important and he was my voice and my story, and then 15x20 had Castiel as unimportant to the story and he was silenced.

The Bury your Gay trope

Cas had come out, and now his last scene was his death. Castiel was written out of the show, and no one seemed willing to give him more than a passing thought. The series regular and reoccurring character of 12 years was treated like he was never very important to Dean or Sam. This wasn’t historic, this is the “bury your gay” trope and a real problem for LGBTQ+ representation in movies and shows.

Negative impact of teasing LGBTQ+ romance in movies and shows

15x18 didn’t just feature Cas coming out, his coming out could have been handled just like Chuck’s in season 11 by dialogue stating he liked guys too. Castiel’s coming out was part of a declaration of love to his best friend. This teased a possible LGBTQ+ romance between two male leads with no intention of follow through. Heteronormative fans can state my perspective was invalid, but I’d like to challenge them to see LGBTQ+ as just as valid and normal as cishet romance.

If unintentional:

this was insensitive and bad representation

If intentional:

at best queer baiting (Dean was cishet so any fans that thought reciprocation was possible were wrong. Never mind all the subtextual queer coding of Dean that non-heteronormative viewers had observed.)

at worst outright homophobia (if you read Dean as a closeted bisexual that is fridged before he has chance to come out)

The Intention of C* Spn?

I have to wonder what the LGBTQ+ in Spn fandom ever did to make the show runners so mad at us. I would really like to get the perspective of the show runners, because without that, it is just too easy to believe the worst.

Perceiving the Finale Message of We don’t Belong

And the worst is heart wrenching. The marginalized members of fandom that related to the outcast angel were excluded from the Winchester’s ending. Even though we cared about them so much over the years. Many members of fandom had found families, and were validated by the reoccurring theme that family doesn’t end in blood.

But the finale retconned that message. Castiel was queer, and he was erased. He wasn’t a part of Sam and Dean’s ending. Fandom that related to Castiel could see our affection for the brothers wasn’t reciprocated. We just helped when we were useful but in the end unworthy of love. Family actually did end in blood, and we were naive for believing otherwise.

Spn queer baited LGBTQ+ one last time to drive up viewership, so the marginalized part of the audience could bear witness to Castiel’s exclusion from the Winchester’s finale. We never belonged. This wasn’t our story. This was the story of cishet white brothers, Sam and Dean, that were the product of their cishet white parents, John and Mary, that lived up the road in their Heaven. The queer angel of the lord was not going to intrude in their story any longer, despite his devotion to them over the past 12 years. We didn’t belong, because Castiel didn’t belong.

Other Views are Valid

I just want to reiterate that everything I’m saying is just my own opinion. If other LGBTQ+ thought the episodes were perfect that is also very valid. If you are not a LGBTQ+ then I appreciate your support, and ask that you check any biases before disagreeing with my opinion. Cishet will never be made to feel marginalized, inferior, or abnormal because of their sexuality or gender. And if you want to save LGBTQ+ lives you can try to change your view to see queer as normal and become a LGBTQ+ ally.

TLDR;

Misha’s performance was amazing. Bobo Beren’s writing was brilliant. After 15x18, the romance was like a puzzle that had all the pieces carefully together except the last one. Then 15x20 took that beautiful, nearly complete puzzle and dumped it in a metal trash bin, soaked it in lighter fluid, and burned it to ash. I blame the showrunners. They should never have had a LGBTQ+ come out to have his love unrequited, die, and then get erased from the story. Bad representation is worse than no representation.

[one-more-offbeat-anthem]

here are my interpretations of tfw 3.0

eileen: so cool so awesome so badass. want to be her friend want to get margaritas with her want her to give me a fistbump. show me how to hide a knife please. let’s go on a drive i love your car and also you

dean: sometimes i want to make him go stand in a corner but mostly. let’s watch movies together and make pie old man. please be my cool uncle and teach me how to shoot a gun. we go to the dog park together

cas: cas my BELOVED my favorite character my dear. i am a cas girl so heart heart heart. we go to the farmer’s market and home goods and later that afternoon we commit arson. we also steal the impala and listen to cas’s pop girlies mixtape :)

sam: lil scared bc he’s so tall but honestly? love sam too. we start a book club and do yoga. yes i will drink your smoothies sam. i will help you intervene with dean. we are not bffs because cas is my bff but we are bros!! love it learn it live it

jack: ohhhhh jack <3 i am jack coded so we would be best best best friends. i can will and should join jack on adventures. i can be a good influence maybe. jack is great because he looks my age but is a toddler and i am my age (wow amazing) but a square, so we could have so much fun together

in conclusion they are not perfect but they are! a fambly. and i love them

[choccatto]

me just airing out my thoughts and ofc just personal opinion stuff about 15x19 in regards to michael, sam and dean //

my main issue with this episode is really at the core of how sam and dean treated michael and in canon it’s really...such a fucking bad look bc they manipulated michael just as chuck did. now we all know this is purely the fault of the writers bc they think they made dean and sam look oh so ‘smart’ for manipulating michael, sending him to his death and getting him killed by his father who treated him like dirt his whole life even though he just wanted to be loved and accepted and thus ‘tricking’ chuck or i don’t fucking know. like i’m sorry but that is literally such horrible thing to do and i hate that they made sam and dean like that when they Aren’t Like That. again it’s just straight up bad writing.

most of all it’s dean for me honestly, bc he Knows what it’s like to have an authoritarian father, a father you want to please you want to be the good son for but are also so afraid of, hiding who you really are, your emotions, to fit his mold and the whole ten miles. like, the michael/dean mirror is one that’s been there since forever. and to have Him say things like how michael was always ‘daddy’s boy’ and act all haughty about it like fuck no he wouldn’t are y’all good?? especially when this was addressed in the previous ep in castiel’s confession like how dean saw himself as his father’s weapon and they really want to tell me dean wouldn’t be at least a little bit emphatic towards him and his situation? i’m not saying they should’ve been bff’s or cried their hearts out together but like you know, at least not have dean (& sam) feed michael to the shark maybe??

and yeah dean & sam might have trust issues regarding anything supernatural and especially angels in this case BUT. but. They Saw how This Michael was, they saw how he was with Adam, and Adam himself said they had an agreement and that they only had each other. He was Not an Enemy. Michael was there for Adam in hell (and he for michael), in the cage, when sam & dean weren’t or anyone for that matter. Dean knows firsthand how Michael could be, what AU!Michael did to him, how Sam’s Soul turned out after being one (1) year in the cage with Lucifer and what that did to him versus how Adam was after 10 whole years w/ Michael. It’s so painfully visible how different he is from both AU!Michael And Lucifer!

He helped them in 15x08 and to a certain degree they Must be aware that the only reason he didn’t completely lose his shit (like AU!Michael) was his relationship with Adam and that he grounded him. And that when chuck thanos snapped everyone that he also felt a deep loss when adam was gone, just like what dean felt when he lost cas and sam lost eileen and when they lost everyone else. Like, that they could at least trust in that bc he was just like them, on every level.

Long story short I guess I just wish they made sam & dean trust michael and let him in on the plan, bc while they may not completely trust him they saw how he really is, the choices he made so far, and did not see ‘daddy’s boy‘, but a person just like them, who was screwed over by chuck even more than they were, someone who wanted to do the right thing and just get the person they care about back.

[missjackil]

My SPN Confession

Im coming clean here to say that my first run with SPN, before I came to the fandom, before I knew shipping was that big a thing here, I mysef wondered if Dean was bisexual. And it wasn’t because of Cas, or flannel colors, there were things that made me go hmmmm... let me share:

In Playthings, when Dean asks Sam why everyone thinks they’re gay, and Sam says “Well you are pretty butch, maybe they think you’re over compensating” Dean really did make a face, that to me (maybe not you) looked like he was questioning himself “Am I over compensating?”

“Sex and Violence” had me wondering about the both of them. I totally get it that the siren was becoming Dean’s perfect brother, but his wording “now he loves me” and “I want to fall in love again” and then for a moment both brothers love the same dude LOL thank Chuck for Wincest!

In my original opinion, Dean’s reaction to Dr Sexy seemed more like a crush than a “fan boy” thing, all the pretty girls on the show, he wasnt nearly as excited to see as Dr Sexy. 

Benny was a BIG deal! In the flashbacks they never showed he and Benny dping anything but arguing, yet somehow they’re secret BFFs (???)

Benny’s introduction was suspicious when he says “Unless you like being man meat for every Tom DICK and Harry” (emphisis on Dick) and Dean made some kind of comment (maybe about a circle jerk? Its been a while) and Benny said “If that’s what you’re into” and I thought for sure Benny was gay or bi or just non discriminating.

Then all the “What we did back there” comments, reminded me of some movie about these guys in prison who had sex often and when they got out, one said to the other “What we did back there was because we had to” and he didnt plan on having a relationship with the guy on the outside. I’m just saying, thats what it reminded me of. 

The biggest thing though was Dean’s confession to the Priest in s10. I know it started out as a story he was making up for the Priest, but then you know, with the change in Dean’s expression, and the background music, he started speaking from the heart and he said “There’s these things, and people I want to experience differently, maybe for the first time” To tghis very day I dont know what he meant. To save myself from thinking any more into it, I believe he meant Sam and he wants their relationship to be different, which we got starting in S11.

So when I came to the fandom, while I was midway through S11, and I was hit with so much “bi dean” things, I actually just figured he came out at some point  After learning he did in fact NOT come out, and I rewatched, I concluded that Dean isn’t bi but the writers are not opposed to the fans talking about it.

[almaasi]

3 million words fic rec (Destiel)

I’ve officially posted 3 million words on my AO3 account!!

Here’s all 115 of my Dean/Cas fics (as of December 30th 2019). They currently make up 85% of my total fics. I posted 42 fics this year, with a new Destiel fic once every 2 weeks on average, with 24 total.

(The rest, as of the last 6 months, are Crowley/Azriaphale (Good Omens) and Garak/Bashir (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine). There’s separate fic recs for those. And here’s one Cockles fic.)

Fics listed by year (newest first), then by word count (shortest first).

--

2019

Just a Sniffle (2k / canon, Cas has a cold, Dean gives him a foot rub)

Hanukkahn't Resist You (2k, AU, teacher!Dean gives autistic Jewish teacher!Cas a Hanukkah greeting card containing a pickup line)

Brothers Don't Do That (3k / canon, Cas talks to Sam about how their feelings for Dean differ while ordering take-out)

Taste the Rainbow (In the Rain) (4k / AU, strangers sharing Skittles in the rain and kissing to help Dean quit smoking)

Hit Pause Kitty Claws (4k / AU, Team Free Will are cats belonging to Death!Billie, soft fluff and feline antics)

Weird But Confident (5k / canon, Cas finds Dean’s panties in his bag and thinks Dean slept with a woman)

Enemies Closer (5k / teachers AU, Dean keyed the wrong car, Cas runs AV club and Dean joins him so he has an alibi for his crime)

Snugglebird (5k / canon, Dean’s clothes are going missing, Cas is building a nest

Texted My Ex and Got You Instead (6k, AU, title explains it, fluff, asexual!Cas)

The Angel Cake Challenge (8k / canon crossover with Good Omens (book), Dean tells Crowley & Aziraphale they’re a cute couple and they encourage him to make a move on Cas)

Let's Play Doctors (8k / canon, smut, Dean asks Cas for medical roleplay and they use the machines to watch themselves have first-time sex)

Good For You (11k / canon, Dean teaches Cas to masturbate over the phone, then shows him properly in person)

BFBF (Best Friend's Boyfriend) (11k / AU, ft. Eileen - Cas has an absent bisexual boyfriend named Dean, Sam has an absent straight brother named Dean, oops they’re the same Dean)

Dean and Castiel's Lagoon of Love (12k, canon, Cas is cursed with tentacles and that’s Dean’s kink, they roleplay Dean’s favourite anime, smut and feelings)

Measure of Thigh Love (14k / canon, Dean is turned on by big muscles, Cas has some of those. smut, bottom!Cas)

Eleven Erogenous Zones of a Fallen Angel (15k / canon, Cas accidentally has physical wings and he hates them, Dean bathes and grooms Cas to soothe him, wing kink smut)

Two Heart Pose (17k / AU, overwhelmed papa!Dean, yoga instructor!Cas helps out with baby care)

Through the Lace (18k / office romance AU, desperation & pee kink smut, Dean in panties)

Sycamore Smile (18k / AU, professor!Cas, barista!Dean with a pet bunny, both are a hot mess, Dean helps Cas KonMari his life, ft. the purest fluff and sunshine)

Circuitry and Dust (23k / AU, demiromantic antique dealer!Cas, gaming lounge owner!Dean, Cas wrongly assumes his love is unrequited so helps set Dean up with an ex-girlfriend)

He's Kind of a Hairy Fairy (24k / AU, Team Free Will & co. running a summer camp, there’s only one bed in Dean & Cas’ cabin, Rowena curses Dean with fairy wings and he has to confess his feelings to get rid of them)

First and Only (35k / AU, Dean bets Sam he can have more sex in one year, Dean & Cas become fuck buddies, but Dean wants more so asks Charlie for help)

☆ Sleigh ☆ (46k / Christmas AU, makeup artist!Cas also works for Santa, Dean tags along delivering gifts on Christmas Eve, later a long distance relationship and eventual smut)

He's a (Zoo) Keeper (74k / AU, when zookeeper!Dean isn’t dating anyone, he and beekeeper!Cas have a BFF-roommates-with-benefits thing, but then Cas becomes a wedding planner and plans their fake wedding, drama with smut and feelings)

2018

Gulls N’ Roses (2k / canon, Dean hands Cas a rose, Cas interprets it as romantic)

Lost Night (2k / canon, Dean has nightmares, Cas dreamwalks to help)

He Called Me Honey (3k / canon, breakfast fluff, Dean dreamed he kissed Cas, talks to Sam, Cas shows up)

Note to Self: Cas Loves You (3k / canon, very drunk!Dean, Cas confesses his love)

I’m Dreamin’ of a Grey Christmas (4k / canon, Team Free Will 2.0 snow fight, Cas has some new grey hair, Dean has hearteyes, season 14 divergent)

Dry in the Downpour (5k / Pixar-short-inspired AU, umbrella-sharing)

Prince of the Ether Realms (5k / canon - season 13, must get married for a spell, Sam officiates)

Never or Forever (5k, canon, family dinner, Jody POV)

Without Further Ado (5k, canon, Dean has a list of “reasons not to be with Cas" but they’re all irrelevant now)

Wee Little Love Child (10k / canon, de-aged!Sam thinks Dean and Cas are his parents, gets them together)

Room for Two (The Mattress AU) (14k / college roommates AU, autistic!Cas, fake relationship, ALL the bed-sharing tropes)

Paramour by Post (18k / historical-ish AU, mail delivered to the wrong address, love letters, agender!Cas, bisexual!Dean)

Barbershop Duet (22k / Christmas AU, smut, shaving kink, domesticity, family gatherings)

The House That Wanted to Be a Garden (32k / AU, famous musician!Dean, gardener!Cas, fairies, accidentally moving in)

Duck Duck Boots (92k / ex-daredevil kindergarten teacher!Dean, agoraphobic Cas, small town magic realism & fate AU, looking after ducklings together)

2017

Unconditional (2k / canon - season 13, Dean explains why he loves Cas)

Mostly in Silence (4k / canon, Cas is depressed, Dean helps with self-care)

Restaurant Revelations (4k / canon, Dean and Cas tell Sam they’re engaged)

Whoa There Cowboy (5k / canon, cowboy-kink smut, porn-watching, magic fingers bed)

Pretty Panties and the Pool Shark (6k / kid!fic AU, autistic!Cas is scared of an imaginary shark in the school pool)

Purple Horse in a Coffee Shop (8k / ultimate office romance, pride parade, coffee shop AU)

Lucid Nightmare (10k / siren!Cas AU, dreamwalk-or-die, spooky fluff)

Stumble and Fall (20k / Team Free Will as dogs AU, search-and-rescue adventure, fluff & pining)

A Place and A Feeling (24k / AU, real estate agent!Cas, Dean looking for a house)

Night Exhibition (26k / AU, security guard!Cas at museum at night, friends to lovers, sex everywhere)

The Emporium of Christmas Enchantments (28k / Christmas, magic toyshop AU, kind of like a Disney movie)

Marshmalloween (33k / Halloween AU, Dean takes Sam’s teen friends to a haunted swamp, meet old bestie Cas, ghost adventures)

Our Garden Home (36k / everyone is a garden fairy, AU disabled autistic!Cas, found families)

The Wireless (58k / solarpunk carnival adventure AU, famous hunter!Dean, famous radio presenter angel!Cas, tent sex)

What We Ache For (93k / sex worker!Cas AU, Dean wants to make love, trauma recovery, Team Free Will & found families, a dog)

2016

Fight and Fool Around (5k / AU, bartender!Cas, Dean realises he’s bisexual, alleyway smut)

Tickle Fight Wasteland (5k / AU, fluff in a post-apocalyptic world, everyone is alive, tickle fight & cuddling)

Raising Hell in a Hotel (29k / kid!fic, living in a hotel AU, friendship, pining)

Welcome All Winchesters (60k / AU, snowy Christmas cabin, fake relationship, friends to lovers)

The Moonlighter and the Magician (67k / 1920s historical AU, asexual jewel thief!Cas, bisexual!Dean, running away together)

2015

What’s a Hickey? (1k / canon, Cas has a hickey, talks to Sam about it)

A Postcard for Castiel (4k / AU, kid!fic, autistic!Cas exchanges compliments with Dean, teacher!Charlie)

Symbols of Affection (4k / canon, Dean accidentally texts Cas a kissy-face emoji)

In Which Dean Frogs Up (6k / canon, Dean’s turned into frog in Moondoor, needs true love’s kiss to fix)

The One Where You Are A Guinea Pig (8k / canon, title says it all, Cas takes you to the bunker, Team Free Will interact)

We’re the New Romantics (8k / gifted & talented high school camp AU, aromantic!Cas, pop culture geek!Dean)

Waiting For That Final Moment (8k / AU, Cas interrupts Dean & Lisa’s wedding at a roller rink to declare his love, polyamory)

Delirium and Doctor Sexy (9k / canon, bisexual!Dean high on magical gas, thinks Cas is Dr. Sexy)

#ThankYouSammy (9k / canon, Sam prepares a Valentine’s Day dinner-date for Dean & Cas)

Dean Winchester the Puppydog (10k / canon, puppy play, submissive!Dean, hurt/comfort, non-sexual)

Father Material (12k / AU, asexual uncle!Cas, babysitter!Dean, kid!Claire, romantic attraction)

The Tailor of Fairy Ridge (17k / fairytale AU, tailor!Cas, fairy!Dean helps with clothing designs, good witch!Charlie, evil witch!Rowena)

Take You To The Country (18k / 1920s historical AU, pining, Dean reads an elopement proposal in the newspaper and realises it’s for him, running away together)

Sharing the Rain Dog (19k / AU, musician!Dean, FBI agent!Cas, sharing custody of a dog, have to move in to look after her)

Drop Anchor (42k / pirate!Cas, sailor!Dean, trapped on a deserted island and accidentally achieve domestic bliss AU)

Snow Place Like Home (But My Home Is With You) (47k / canon, Team Free Will in a B&B over Christmas, softness, smut & domesticity)

Held in Your Tender Hands (59k / AU, agender tattooed masseur!Cas, customer!Dean, workplace sex, paintball, found families, somnophilia)

2014

Cheek on Your Shoulder (1k / canon, Dean misses Cas, hugs him and can’t let go)

The Literal Bear Hug (1k / canon, Cas is accidentally a bear, cuddling)

If I Fall For You (2k / canon, Hannah likes Cas but Cas loves Dean)

If You Could Go Anywhere (3k / canon, Team Free Will ponder: all the drama is over, so what now?)

Cherry Pink Wedding (4k / AU, Dean & Cas both cry at Sam’s wedding)

Lettuce Share This Moment (4k / canon, Dean secretly likes salad… and Cas)

The Joke Is on You (And So Is Castiel) (4k / canon, April Fool’s Day, Cas pranks Dean & Sam when they pray for him)

Some People Would Call This Romantic (5k / canon, Dean and Cas take a long walk on the beach)

Panic Kiss (5k / AU, Dean has a panic attack, Cas calms him down, accidental kissing)

Boutique du Ballet (6k / canon, Dean loves ballet and wants to try the outfits - either crossdressing or trans-curious!Dean)

Minty Fresh Kisses (7k / canon, Dean teaches Cas to brush his teeth)

Sexier Than Doctor Sexy (8k / AU, doctor!Cas, Dean gets a prostate exam and enjoys it more than he should)

Sam Accidentally Sees the Whole Picture (10k / canon, smut, Sam is in the room while Dean & Cas do it for the first time, Sam POV)

Understanding Your Body in Ten Easy Steps (12k / canon, smut, Dean teaches Cas how to masturbate)

Roost (12k / AU, Dean and Cas are rescued fighting roosters, for some reason not that interested in girl chickens)

Dead Body Disposal 101 (14k / canon, angel!Cas wants to be a hunter so Dean & Sam show him how, Dean & Cas are bad at expressing feelings)

Of Shampoo and Fruit Flies (17k / roommate AU, autistic!Cas, confessing feelings surrounded by supportive friends)

Love Him in His Sleep (Love Him Always) (32k / canon, Dean has wet dreams about being cuddled, Cas is into somophilia and dreamwalks to gain consent)

Preacher Comfort (42k / AU, hurt/comfort, asexual preacher!Cas, nurse!Dean, hugs & cuddling, Halloween)

Nine Times We Met (And One Christmas We Parted) (58k / queer historical romantic angst AU, teacher!Cas, firefighter!Dean, meeting over the years & falling in love)

Hart of the Storm (119k / historical AU, hunter!Dean turned into a deer by shapeshifting god!Cas, magic forest)

2013

For a Scarf in October (1k / canon, Halloween, Dean wants to buy a ~women’s~ scarf, Sam tells him it’s okay)

Of All the Bars in the World (There Are None Between Us) (2k / prison AU, Dean and Cas are cellmates, discuss past and future intimacy)

Dean’s List (3k / canon, Dean writes a list of men he’d ~go gay~ for, Sam has a suggestion to make, bisexual!Dean)

Nobody’s Daddy (3k / canon, accidental baby acquisition, Dean breastfeeds, then Cas arrives with actual milk)

Foal Delivery Service (4k / AU fusion with ‘My Little Pony’ - kid pony!Dean finds out how heteronormative the world is, then meets agender pony!Cas, later have baby ponies together)

Winchester’s Rouge (6k / canon, angst, Dean tries on makeup and remembers his mother)

Manscaping (6k / canon, Cas cuts himself shaving his junk, Dean does first aid, boners)

Sharing Hands (6k / canon - season 8, smut, Cas is possessing Dean, masturbate together)

Play Nice, Kids (10k / AU or alternate canon, reverse-verse, angel winged!Dean, wing kink masturbation, sex toys)

Hello Night (11k / historical AU, demon possessing Dean, priest!Cas, crossroads sex to save Dean, Cas/demon & Cas/Dean)

Shadows Across the Camera Lens (13k / AU, smut, dominant bottom photographer!Cas, submissive top crossdressing underwear model!Dean)

Faerie Strange Circumstances (30k / AU hunters, fairy!Cas, fairy realm adventures, Bobby’s house, Charlie, Jody)

Bad Things With You (31k / AU or alternate canon, smut, catboy!Dean, catboy!Cas, mating urges, biting, licking, fake relationship is actually real)

Cowboys and Real Estate Angels (36k / AU, bisexual retired musician cowboy!Dean, old fan!Cas, lovemaking, falling in love in one night)

Try-Something Tuesday (48k / my most popular fic of all time, teacher!Dean, librarian teacher!Cas, smut in strange places, school trips, moving in together AU)

The Feline Perspective of a Guilty Conscience (51k / canon divergent - season 9, hurt/comfort, Dean transformed into a cat, sad angel!Cas, Team Free Will, forgiveness)

Foxfire Blossom (283k / AU, florist!Dean, rich!Cas, affairs, soap opera-level drama, sex, highly problematic lies, and cheating, ALL the characters)

2012

Angelhawke (407k / epic medieval fantasy AU, Dean and Cas are cursed to be animals in the day/night, travel with Sam and Bobby as they tell their story in flashbacks, quest to be together, based on ‘Ladyhawke’ but ~70% original story)

--

New fics are on their way in 2020! 

☆ Subscribe on this page if you want new fics in your inbox!!

☆ And you can support my writing, art, and other creative projects here~

Thank you all so much for supporting me all these years. I’m so excited to see what I end up writing next~!! ♥

Elmie x

[shirtlesssammy]

15x12 Bullet Point Rambles

The promo has Kaia yaaaas. (Listen, my brief perusal of Tumblr before the episode started showed me this wasn’t a spoiler but GUYS THIS WEEK I SWEAR TO GOD)

“Earth 2” is the name of this alternate reality in the promo. Wish I remembered that show a little better so I could watch for references. Chuck flaps in which is just…dangerous

Chuck monologues to a poor tech employee about how much he loves the Winchesters WHILE Cas is in the shot. (Boris: Cas, Cas is there too.) “Sir, this is a Radio Shed.” LOL excellent use of a Twitter meme

WHOA Chuck decides to end the other worlds because he’s only thrilled by Sam ’n’ Dean original flavor. REALLY inappropriate GODDAMN timing Chuck

Jody investigates a creepy barn alone, which can only end badly

Sam’s freaking out about still-soulless Jack. Cas backs up Jack, and Dean thinks Billie has potentially a better plan than them. I sure love Sam checking in with Jack despite his worries

Meanwhile, Jack sees Mary’s carved signature and appears regretful? thoughtful? He calls for Death. A reaper, Merle, flaps in to talk with him. Merle insists 100% in Billie’s near omniscience

Cas and Dean share DRINKS OF LOVE. Cas sorts through his feelings about Jack. He’s bright eyed once more with Jack’s potential to save them all

Dean and Sam check out Jody’s creepy barn and find Jodio all trussed up in the back. JODES!

Alt!Kaia kicks the ever loving shit out of the Winchesters and I give her ALL MY FEALTY

She demands to go home. Her world is dying. SHE HAS TO SAVE HER MONSTER BFF! Kaia reveals that she sees visions of OUR Kaia. SAVE HER BABEEEEZ. (Thank you, Bobo, for coming through on your entreaty to fans to be patient with the narrative.)

Other Kaia looks out on the other world and basically The Nothing is devouring her world and she’s the Childlike Empress I don’t make the rules. SAVE HER, BASTIAN!

Cas gets trounced in Connect Four by a very pleased Jack. Noice

Cas and Jody meet in person! ALL THE HEARTS!!

Alt!Kaia is royally pissed at not getting to use Jack’s powers immediately. Jack helps with research instead. He finds a spell that requires a monster John Winchester killed the last of (mentioned in his journal - nice callback)

Cas asks if Jody’s updated Claire - who is off on a quest to seek revenge on Alt!Kaia. CLAIRE BEAR. These two Claire parent surrogates fret over this… (We pinch their cheeks at this mutual bonding activity)

Alt!Kaia confronts Jack about all that went down and pleads for his help. He uses his powers. OH DAMN

Jack insists on saving Kaia - it’s the “right thing to do.” Merle, the reaper, is UNIMPRESSED

“That’s not just dumb - that’s Winchester dumb.” LOL, Dean’s reaction! How dare?

Jack bargains with / blackmails Merle, and she’s reluctantly down with the plan. Merle spits upon their shitty warding. “I’m gonna need to borrow your angel” to repair the warding

Warding flashes all over the bunker as the shielding settles into place. NOICE

Cas asks Jody to stay so Claire doesn’t lose her too. HELP my heart has grown two sizes

Cas lends his mojo to the warding and I fan myself desperately. It’s RIFT TIME baby

The alt world is seriously unraveling, but they find Kaia! There’s a hug! Alt!Kaia insists on staying with her dying world. KAIA PLZ. The Nothing takes her. o u c h

They zap back into the bunker. Yahoo! Mostly! Jack gives Kaia some of his shapeless sweats. Bless

Jody adopts another lost girl! “Will Claire be there?” Kaia asks. HELP I have tears

Merle continues to be an amazing limp gray blanket UNTIL HOLY SHIT Billie scythes her ass. “Hello boys.”

Billie stalks around with her scythe and if looks could kill… She insists that she can see the big picture and tells them that all the other worlds are dying

“When I was a reaper, I believed in the rules. But then you killed me.” In Death’s Library, everyone has a book, even God. And only Death gets to read them. We flash back to old Death talking about reaping God! 

After Chuck made the world, he built himself into the framework of the world. She’s seen the Winchesters in Chuck’s book. “You are the messengers of god’s destruction.”

In Earth 2, Chuck continues to torture minimum wage employees. He chills out in the Radio Shed and watches worlds die on big screen TVs. As he departs, a meteor tears through the Radio Shed. CHUCK what a drama llama (Boris: Always the asshole)

We can smell the endgame in the air and have SO MANY MIXED FEELINGS. SO MANY FEELINGS

While we wait for posh Dean and Sam from next week’s promo…stay safe and healthy out there, everyone!

[tinkdw]

Thoughts on 15x07

Lee and Dean:

Lee is a relic of Dean’s past. The minute he said he liked John and Dean revealed John liked him we knew he was bad news. IMO the triplets thing foreshadowed for him lieing and being greedy as the monster of the week. Now I’m not saying this is def what happened as I say it is totally vague, but it fits with the whole monster thing.

The way Lee reacted when Dean talked about hunters usually dying was great, again he showed his bad guy traits, he was being shifty because he had decided to ensure that didnt happen to him by killing people. As I’ve said in another post, he was almost SO obviously the bad guy it made me question if this was a Chuck led episode given the blatancy of it (as well as Dean being constantly hit on and the two young hot women being the cold open).

This episode gave us Good Ol School Dean and his buddy, having laughs, drinking, being hit on and performing (literally) and it all going to shit. Because ultimately this isn’t Dean anymore. It showed us how much Dean has grown into himself and chosen who he is and what morals he wants to abide to.

He didn’t kill Lee because daddy told him to, quite the opposite John LIKED Lee and Dean had liked him, but Dean chose to follow his own free will decided on morality that Lee was a monster and had to die to prevent innocents being hurt. Dean called the shots here. In the end it was all about his CHOICE. His choice to kill Lee and his choice to help people. That is hugely important for his endgame.

Dean and Cas:

Dean telling Cas in 08 that he probably made it all worse is an excellent continuation of a theme. Thanks I hate it.

I heavily side eye Angel(a) being killed / raptured while her bff was blind drunk as a Cas / Dean mirror foreshadowing so watch that space imo.

The line about best friends don’t leave unless there’s good reason nearly had my eyeballs popping out of my head with the resonance just before he went back and saw Cas, who having been pushed away by him wouldn’t even look him in the eye. Dean KNOWS Cas left because of a good reason, he knows he fucked up. Now it’s time to fix it.

SAM:

Omg HAPPY SAM I DIE OK? I was not calm for like 10 mins after this scene. My heart!

Now I’m going to add something from another post as I think a very important scene here was the kitchen scene. For Sammy that scene shows his desire for a partner, his desire for domesticity, his desire for a partner he doesn’t have to hide who he is from, his desire for an equal partner, one he can be proud of and support, not just who supports and is proud of him but a fantastic person in their own right and equal to him, this is important, they share the cooking, they shared making the margaritas, that’s an important factor for Sam, he’s always been drawn to strong independent women who know their own mind and stand up for themselves and their opinions (and others) and Eileen literally being the voice of reason like EW! And SERIOUSLY? It’s dangerous? What the fuck are you guys doing?!

Now as he’s getting over his demon blood / Lucifer trauma bit by bit, and hurtling towards his endgame, his coping mechanism for this can start being let go (his clean eating and fun free lifestyle). And lo and behold Eileen arrives (coincidence!) and alongside his already working on his recovery himself, she’s helping him too (and it’s no coincidence they wrote her as sent to Hell to help him cope with his PTSD alongside her) - Sam’s allowing himself to have real bacon and margheritas and have fun? The metaphor is starting to be complete.

Cas:

Can I just squee about Cas and Eileen as perfect Winchester additions please and thank! Now as I say Cas seems to really be breaking eggs in these episodes as well as everything since Jack really, he’s made some strong decisions and yep they have sometimes worked out and others not (Tho that’s just normal in this show lbr) but ultimately this is a pattern now close together and should be relevant towards endgame as we’ve already discussed Cas us Chuck’s blind spot and clearly the catalyst to his whole big bad plot line. I’m also side eyeing his wavering sometimes they work sometimes they don’t powers and his belonging arc.

Can I say that at first I was like mmm why about Sergei being involved as ultimately that whole thing could have been done without him but I headcanon he’s there for the exact reason @norahastuff said in their great post as someone for Eileen and Cas to smoulder and be badass at and hell that’s cool by me ;)

Id also like to point out that we know how much effort jeremy put into this episode with so many callbacks (eye of the tiger, point one and b, yellow fever etc). And the pacing, storytelling and mix between tfw scenes was fantastic.

So all in all, I’ve probably forgotten some major points I yelled about to my friends but I have zero time to rewatch I’m sorry! These are the main things I remembered and absolutely loved. Jeremy did a fantastic job!

[cooloddball]

DESTIEL AND COCKLES RANT

THIS IS A RANT ON ALL THINGS DESTIEL AND COCKLES

PS. I do not know how to make gifs and or use photos yet so feel free to add yours

I have said this before and I will say it again. I have been in this fandom for a month and I ship Destiel and Cockles anyone who has a problem with this then move along and/or if you are an anti and read this, keep your hateful comments to yourself.

That being said, I have read about almost all ships in the fandom but mostly Destiel, Cockles, Wincest, and J2. Through all the reading and discovery, I still have to say I ship Cockles and Destiel more than ever before. However, I have seen some things from the antis that did not sit well with me.

This is going to be a long post so brace yourself and it is mostly about the hate the antis (anti-cockles, anti-wives , and anti-Destiel Shippers spread). Also this is a rant so don’t mind me,

ON DESTIEL

The hate on Destiel is massive. Mostly this is from Bronlies who hate Cas like he is the anti-Christ, and the Wincest shippers.

Now I am not trying to rain on anyone’s parade but come on. Cas is Dean’s best friend. Whether you ship them romantically or not, it is canon that Cas Dean’s best friend. We have seen time and again how miserable Dean is every time Cas dies. Dea has also expressly stated that Cas is his best friend and even said they are better together; all three of them including Sam. He has called him his family. So why the hate? Chuck himself has said that he has rebuilt Cas more times than anyone.

Now, people who believe that it is better to ship Sam and Dean who are literally blood brother but it is not okay to ship Dean and Cas what is wrong with you? Is it okay for someone to fuck their brother and/or be in love with them? I mean come on.

Before I was even a shipper, I always looked forward to episodes that Cas was in. He brought a different dynamic to the show in a positive way. Yes, I love the brothers but Cas is just deifferent and all the sass he brings makes the show, at least to me 10 times better. Sue me.

People saying that JA would never be comfortable with Destine because he is a Christian. I mean, he can call Chuck a dick, call angels dicks, make deals with demons and all other unchristian things but kissing another man is where he draws the line? If he was such a Christian, why does he let another man straddle him on stage or want to kill God?

Someone once said that JA supports wincest. I saw the video and I get what he said is that whatever floats your boat or something like that. So why is it so hard for him when it comes to Destiel? I don’t understand this man. He is a paradox.

 ON COCKLES

I have seen antis, mostly those who ship J2 throw shade at MC saying that JA doesn’t like him, he just tolerates him and everything they do is for PR. I have not once seen anyone say that JP doesn’t like MC. You know why? I believe they view MC as a threat to their J2 ship.

So I stumbledupon this antis blog who had a whole analysis (much like am doing here) on why JA cannot be a couple. Here are some that I remember from the top of my head:

1.     That JA said that he thinks Matt Bomer is attractive.

2.     That JA moved to Austin to be live next to JP.

3.     That JA and MC have nothing in common being that JA plays golf and sings etc and that MC does woodwork, writes poetry and bicycle touring.

4.     That JA is with JP hence no. 2.

5.     That JA does not curse on stage but MC does.

6.     That MC does not take acting seriously but JA does.

Now now now. This beats logic. All the above things I beg to differ with not because I am cockles shipper but it is just common sense.

Being with someone or rather being in love with someone does not mean any of the above things have to be true. Hear me out.

1.     On finding Matt Bomer attractive. I have many celebrity crushes, there are also ordinary people that I find attractive. But then again, I have a boyfriend, who I am in love with; I have been with for six years. But he looks nothing like my celebrity crushes or the ordinary people I find attractive. Does that mean I am not in love with him? No. It means I have eyes and I can appreciate beauty and have a few fantasies but I chose to be with him because I love him. He also has other people he finds attractive that look nothing like me, does that mean he does not love me? I mean come on.

 Oh the most hilarious thing is that the anti said you cannot compare Matt to MC since Matt is way attractive. I mean come on; they may not look alike but they both have dark hair, blue eyes. Seriously people! And MC is so handsome and adorable at the same time. Sometimes I feel like he looks better than JA and JP. Sue me.

 2.     On JA moving to Austin. Lol. This means that he went to live next to his best friend. I mean come on. I have moved to live next to my best friend (bff) who is married. Does that mean I am in love with her? Hell no! But I feel safer knowing that she is there for me.

Also people need to understand, MC and JA could be involved romantically or not (pick your poison) but you don’t need to be next to your lover to love them or be in a relationship with them. Lond distance relationships anyone? They have families and kids and other priorities. Just because you are in a relationship with someone does not necessarily mean you live together or evn in the same area. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and also they are where they are now because of other priorities in their lives. So, living together or in the same town doesn’t make you more or less in love.

3.     On the issue of common interests. This made me laugh so hard. I mean comeon, People who are together do not need to share any interests. The diversity of their interests is probably what attracted them to each other. Also how can you say a poet and a singer have nothing in common? They are artists. MC can write poems that JA can sing. Oh also remember that video MC’s friend DM posted on Twitter where they did the whole bicycle touring in Germany? Uh huh? JA seemed to be interested in that a lot. So..

4.     I could say a lot about JA being with Jp. This J2 being married and their wives being beards is the weirdest thing I have ever seen. Seriously, J2 tinhats have gone ahead to hate of D’s posts and call her names. Telling her to stop pretending that she is JA. It is laughable and not in a nice way, really. Can they just stop? Before I became a cockles shipper I watched J2 videos where they interact be it cons, red carpet moments or even gag reels. It is just different. All I see are two bros; one that is really playful like a little puppy and the other one trying to be the big brother. As for JA and MC, it is different, there are things that JA is comfortable when Mc does that he is not comfortable when JP does them. Neck kisses for a start.

Also most of the J2 tinhats evidence about J2 being real is rarely backed up by visual evidence and if there is any, it is usually from years ago. I am not hating on antis, just stating facts.

5.     I mean, cursing on stage really? I curse all the time my bf doesn’t. Does that mean he doesn’t like me or love me? Hell to the Fucking No! Suck it!

6.     On Mc not taking acting seriously. Yeah I can guess why he doesn’t. It is not his only priority unlike JA who has chosen it as a career path. From what I have seen, MC’s priorities include making the world a better place through charities, politics, and oh, he is also a writer. Oh so forgive him if he is not obsessed with acting. Besides JA says that he likes how he acts as Cas because it is not like anything he has seen from other guest stars that have come on the show. I mean not being serious about something does not mean that you are not good at it. Would he have lasted 11 seasons if he was not good at what he does?

There was also hate that JA is only around MC for PR and he actually hates him. There were some photos and gifs so the apparent hate. So, if he cannot stand him, why is there so much evidence of JA going to MC to give some love, Neck kisses, intimate IG posts, face caresses, ass smacks, calling him his baby dadfy, heart eyes, even when they don’t know that they are being filmed?

Also why is it during the Vegascon 2020 all JA did was bring up MC unnecessarily even when no one, absolutely nobody asked him to. Come on! stop the bs and admit that Cockles is the realest ship in the history of ships!!

ON THE WIVES

I swear bitches be crazy. How can you just hat someone for literally nothing? This is mostly from J2 tinhats at other J2 stans who do not ship J2 together romantically. I mean…comeon. You do not need to be a stan for the wives just because they are married to J2 but please stop with the madness.

I recently saw someone comment on various JA posts on IG asking why he is lying to the fans that he is with D when he is with JP. So many rude things have been said about the wives especially D that it breaks my heart.

Seiously? People have gone ahead even to say that she is with JA’s friend SC and that the twins are not JA’s they are SC’s since D and SC are ‘always’ hanging out together. My question is, so D is not supposed to hang out with their friends? And for Chuck’s sake, everyone can see that the twins especially the boy (idk their names, sorry) looks like JA’s twin. I mean come on people.

I believe that they hate D because she says how much she loves MC and that Cas is her favorite character and that they are also bitter that JA chose her and not them. Just my opinion, but what do I know. On JP and G. I don’t know much about them mostly because I do not follow either of them of IG or elsewhere but I have seen hate on G as well.

The antis have gone ahead to say that when JA said that he was hanging out with SC writing songs, that he was lying and that nothing was happening he was just trying to dampen the rumours. I wonder how they felt when the album by JA and Sc came out last year. Jokes on you haters. Bitches be crazy fr.

Oh, the antis also say that the same way JA looks at his wife is the same way he looks at MC. With contempt. I mean talk about hanging yourself with your own rope. What they are saying is, JA feels about his wife the same way he feels abouts MC. Aww! That is true love bitches.

If JA actually cannot stand MC, shouldn’t he have gotten him fired from the show or at least make sure he gets less screen time and that they don’t have any panels together being that JA is the star of the show and all. I mean Mark left and he was a major character to the plot so...

Also why would JA give and buy MC clothes if he hates him? Give him a ring, a bracelet? Huh? Explain it to me.

Oh, some anti also said that before every Cockles panel at JIBCON JA cries and has to be forced on stage by Daniella and JP has to give him a hug and that’s why he drinks a lot of apple juice. LOL. WTF? What do you say to such people. I cannot even..My question is, are we talking about the same Cockles panels that I have seen? Then JA deserves all the Oscars and Tony Awards for his impeccable acting skills when he is around MC. Must really hate him. *wink*

MY TWO CENTS ON COCKLES

I know JA gives off mixed actions about MC. But I think it is to confuse people like us, shippers.  He does’t want to too out there so he tries so hard to be mean with his words. But his actions tell a different story. I mean, who gets a boner when their friend straddles them on stage and then goes ahead to post that chest to chest selfie on IG. That is the gayest thing I have ever seen.

Sharing clothes? I mean friends do share clothes but if it is like a daily thing. More than 20 articles of clothing exchanged between each other on various occasions even when they are apart does not make sense to me. And to make matters worse, JA does not deny it. One even had a tag on it. Lol. We are not children, we can see what is going on.

The 2014 DallasCon – Rob’s Birthday Party. WTF? Was all that between JA and MC? Why did he he swallow and react like that when he saw MC’s bare abdomen? Who does that? Also the looks when MC was leaving the stage. Come on.

Also what was up with the” I love you from the bottom of my heart” at the MTV top 10 in 2010.

The wife is my rock but I am glad to have some pebbles in my life.

Truth is, JA could post a video of him balls deep in MC and the antis could say that somehow MC manipulated JA to post it for PR.

People need to leave MC alone, he ie a human being who has made mistakes, JA and JP have too and I don’t see the antis hating on them. The double Standard s FOH.

I could write about this forever but the truth is JA loves MC, and D and V know that they love each other. All their friends know including JP and other castmates. I believe they know it is more than just friends and the antis can’t stand it because they also know it to be true.

JA LOVES MC. JP LOVES MC. J2M LOVE EACH OTHER. J2 LOVE THEIR WIVES. STOP THE HATE!!

I am not done but I am done for now. I could be here forever writing about this if I do not stop.

[deans-baby-momma]

AFFLICTED-Part 7

A/N: I realized late last night that I don’t think I have given credit where credit is due. First off, this lovely aesthetic was made by @deanwanddamons. I told her what I needed and she more than delivered. Second, my BFF, the one who keeps me grounded @lostinaseaoffictionalbliss. She has been my beta since I began writing The Padackles Link back in 2018!! So I want to take a minutes to thank those two ladies. THANK YOU!

Life in the Bunker quickly returns to normal after Cas healed Dean. A few days after he is cured we all help Dean carry all his physical therapy equipment and wheelchair to the clearing near the Bunker and burn it.

Dean takes great joy in salting and burning the pile. When Sam inquires about it, Dean just says he was taking no chances of it coming back to haunt him. We all chuckle but Dean is dead serious; that is part of his life he never wants to have to relive.

He and I stand with our arms around one another at the edge of the burn line until the final flames die out, leaving a mound of nothing but ash and a few metal bars.

“I never want to fucking feel like that again,” Dean murmurs. “I felt useless, worthless, just completely incompetent.” I hug him tighter at his confession. “You know I even prayed you would smarten up and take Mav and leave me,” he says and then kisses the crown of my head.

I pull away and look up at him in shock. “What?!” I cannot believe I heard what he said. “Why would you want that? How can you even consider that?” My voice gets louder the more I speak. “That was never even a goddamn option, Dean!” By now I am practically screaming and the tears flow freely down my cheeks. Good thing we have no neighbors.

“Baby,” Dean says, reaching his hand out in my direction. “I was depressed, okay. I was no help to anyone. I couldn’t walk, so hunting was out of the question. Hell I couldn’t even make love to my beautiful wife and I didn’t know if I ever would. You didn’t deserve that.”

I sniff as I listen to him explain his reasoning. “Don’t cry sweetheart. I’m sorry.”

I allow him to pull me into his chest, where I bury my face, tears soaking into his henley. He holds me close until I finally get it all out and look up at him. He wipes away the remaining tears with his thumb. “I am so sorry I upset you.”

“Dean WInchester, I love you; every inch of you. When I said in my vows that I promise to love you through everything, even death, I meant each word. I will love you forever and be by your side for eternity.” 

“I love you too, Y/N,” he answers before leaning down and placing his lips on mine. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think I would ever be able to walk again. It wasn’t fair to you, it wasn’t fair to Mav. Or to anyone. The last six months Adam has been more of a dad to our daughter. She’s gonna think he is her dad.”

I couldn’t help but tense up at that. I had noticed Adam had been caring more for my daughter than his own brother. When I confronted him about it some weeks ago, he had shrugged and said, ‘She’s a part of you. Makes me feel close to you.'

Adam’s explanation had made me feel awkward but I had shrugged it off. Him watching Mavelin freed my time up to tend to Dean’s needs. I just hadn’t realized that my husband had noticed just how much time his youngest brother was spending with our daughter. 

"No, Dean. Mavelin knows who her daddy is," I reassure him. "She loves you so much. She misses you."

"I miss her too," Dean says with a smile. "Why don't we go spend some time with our girl?"

You nod your head and the two of you walk arm in arm back to the entrance of the Bunker.

DEAN'S POV

"So, get this," my brother says the next morning as he walks into the kitchen of the Bunker with his laptop in his arms.

"No."

"Dean, there's a case in Idaho…"

"And I don't care.  I just got my legs back," I tell him. "I just want to enjoy some time with my wife and daughter."

"But," he begins again, only for me to cut him off.

"I said no," I huff as I pour the creamer in Y/N’s coffee just the way she likes it. I just want some time off from trying to save the world; some time to spend with my family. We are gone on hunts too much as it is. The accident gave me a new perspective on life.

He turns to leave the room, mumbling about something I couldn’t quite make out. I place the mugs on a tray along with some cereal, bowls, and spoons and head back to our bedroom. 

When I had rolled out of bed earlier, Y/N was still sleeping but while I was waiting for the coffee to perk, I heard her get up when Mavelin started crying. So I know she is awake and we could eat breakfast together in bed.

As I near the room, I can hear her talking to Mav while she is feeding her. I smile as I listen to her telling our daughter what a good girl she is, how much she is loved. And I have to agree, that little girl is loved immensely and deeply.

In my younger days, I never thought I’d ever have a family to call my own. Someone who could love me for me; someone who would look over my recklessness and careless attitude to want to be with me, marry me even! It still amazes me. 

And then we created a life together. A little girl who stole my heart the moment I knew of her existence. A baby I watched grow inside her mother until the day she entered this world, then my heart was overflowing with love and adoration for the little green-eyed, dirty blonde-haired beauty. 

Mavelin Francine Winchester is a good and happy baby. She only cries when she is hungry or wet and is the apple of my eye. She takes her eye color from me but the rest of her is all Y/N. But even if she didn’t I’d still love her as much. I just can’t believe that the love Y/N and I share created something as perfect as she is. 

I toe open the door and look inside to see Y/N sitting on her side of the bed, her back up against the headboard and looking down at Mav. 

“Such a good girl. Yes, you are,” she coos to our daughter. “Slept almost all night again. You gotta keep that up alright?”

“I’m sure she will as long as you keep praising her like that,” I make my presence known, walking into the room and sitting the tray on the end table on my side. I join my wife and daughter on the bed and watch in amazement. 

Y/N took to being a mother like a champ; like this was what she was born to do. A silly thought ran through my mind before I shook it away. There was no way Y/N would want to give Mavelin a sibling while she was still nursing.

A knock on the door breaks the silence and Y/N pulls the blanket up to cover her chest. As soon as I’m sure she is shielded, I tell the person to come in.

Mom walks in with Sam behind her, “Your brother found a hunt.”

“I know,” I say, taking a glance over at Y/N. She looks disappointed. “I told him I was sitting this one out.”

“I know,” Mom says. “I’m going with him. It looks like a pretty easy one, but we’ll still be gone a few days.”

“Okay,” I answer, relieved that I am not required on this trip. “Stay safe, keep your eyes open and watch each other’s back. Don’t get dead.”

Sam gives me his bitchiest bitch face while Mom chuckles. “You know, I was hunting long before you. I think I know how to take down a creature or two.”

I love my mother but ever since she came back, she surprises me with her sass and cockiness. Although I was four when she was taken from us by Azazel, I do not remember those traits in my memories at all. She was always so humble and timid. Or at least in my recollections, she was. 

They leave the room and I go back to watching my wife feeding our daughter.

“You know,” I say as I settle back against the headboard beside Y/N. “I’ve always loved your boobs but now knowing that they are what is keeping Mav alive and fed, I have a whole new respect for them.”

She laughs and rolls her eyes, “You aren’t getting lucky when I’m finished here, you know.”

I scoff, pretending to be offended but then I drop the charade and a smile crosses my face. “Points for trying?”

As soon as Mav is full, she dozes off and Y/N gets up to take her back to her crib. When she returns we sit on the bed and enjoy the breakfast I made and the lukewarm coffee while we discuss what we are going to do with our days, since I am not having to take off to defeat some supernatural menace. 

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

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