#sam!!!!!! Sam is still there god I LOVE sam she's basically the exact same

[onceuponastory]

trust your gut - the winter soldier x reader

Part 3 of my Ghost Story AU - Read the previous part here

Plot: Avengers HQ is the safest place for Y/N and Bucky to be... right? Pairing: The Winter Soldier/Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader Warnings: Mentions of violence/abuse, trauma, nightmares, pain, torture, brainwashing, weapons, and everything Bucky did as the Winter Soldier, and had done to him by HYDRA. Please use your own discretion. As always if I miss any triggers, let me know. Notes: Part three, let’s go! Sorry it took me a while, but I hope you like it. Not beta’d, so any mistakes are my own.

They take Y/N to her new safe house that night. Or rather, her safe apartment. She takes a few minutes to walk around, letting everything: her new home, Bucky, Steve, Sam… sink in. The small and basic apartment has only the essentials she needs after her life was turned upside down. Of course, she knows she can’t really expect them to provide her with more than the basics… but it’s just so empty. Devoid of the love and laughter she shared in her grandma’s house. Love and laughter that she shared with Bucky.

She misses him, misses his presence. Even when he was downstairs holding a myriad of weapons was better than this, this isolation. She misses the way they bonded and laughed together. The hours they would spend talking because Bucky’s nightmares wouldn’t let him sleep, and because he had no idea what else to do. He told her that she didn’t have to do that, but she appreciated his company enough to do it. And honestly, she had started to feel safe around him by that point, and trusted him enough to protect her. 

Y/N sighs, pouring herself a glass of water. Even though she’s incredibly glad he’s found his friends and family again… a part of her wishes they never came here. They were happy together, just the two of them. And Bucky wouldn’t be locked up like a caged animal, because she trusts him.

“God, that’s a horrible thing to say.” She whispers. “This is the best thing for him. His friends are here, and they’ll get him the help he needs.”

Yet, despite how much she repeats that point, the fear in her gut doesn’t dissipate.

Miles away, Bucky is feeling the exact same worry. Despite how kind and understanding Y/N is, he hates how she saw him like that, all locked up. Truthfully, he’s still amazed that she wants to help him, even though she saw him as the Winter Soldier, and knows exactly what he’s capable of. She’s the best thing that happened to him in a long time. He doesn’t want to lose her; and he refuses to let HYDRA's depravity touch her.

He knows this is the safest place for them both to be, and that this anxiety is natural. But there’s just something about this that seems wrong, an uneasy feeling that just won’t go. Honestly, he wishes they’d never come here either. That it would be just the four of them, or even just him and Y/N. He misses her and her company so much. All he can do is close his eyes and think of her.

And for now… that’s enough for him to get by on.

As she and Bucky slowly settle into their new lives, Y/N’s visited him almost every day she can, or asked Steve and Sam to tell him that she says hi. He still isn’t sure if he’s worth all this, especially Y/N’s love and support. Although, he appreciates it more than anything in the world. Finally, he has something to look forward to in life that isn’t getting out of a HYDRA base. He has friends, people who actually give a shit about him. And it’s all thanks to Y/N.

Each visit, she brings something with her. With each item, she tells Bucky a story, either about her life, his, or something completely unrelated. Regardless, it lets Bucky feel a connection to life, and to Y/N. It gives him something to look forward to, rather than constantly thinking about his impending future.

“So, this is from when my grandma took me to the beach one summer. We went swimming, made sandcastles, all that fun stuff. The water was freezing, but she still dragged me in, saying it would wake me up a bit.” She chuckles, her words trailing off as she goes back to that day. The sand covering her legs, the bitter coldness of the water. Back then, her only worries were English tests, and which college she was going to.

Now, looking back on that time, she can’t help but laugh. If only Y/N back then knew what was coming, and the fear she’d be subjected to now.

“Sorry. Can’t imagine that story was interesting for you.” She chuckles. After all, Bucky fought in World War Two, and now he’s listening to her family holiday stories.

“Are you kidding? Of course it’s interesting.” She raises a brow.

“Really?” Bucky notices the doubt on her face, her worry that he’s just saying that to make her feel better. In fact, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Her visits are the best thing in his life. She’s the best thing in his life.

“Of course. I know I say this every week, but thank you for your stories. They give me something to look forward to, something to take my mind off… all this.” He chuckles. “And you telling me about the beach just makes me want to go there again. I haven’t been there in years. Decades probably. God knows I could use the sun after spending every day in this cell.”

Even though Y/N knows that by this point, Bucky is at least a hundred years old, his words still surprise her. Honestly, you can’t tell he’s that old. To her, he still looks just the same as he did in the 40s. Sometimes, she wonders what it would be like to know him back then, as the Sergeant rather than the soldier. To go dancing with him, or to the Stark Expo. To know Bucky as he used to be, without this trauma haunting him. Although, she’s not so sure that Bucky is completely gone. Even now, she can still see that cheeky grin flickering in his expression. And he still looks as handsome as he always did.

And oh god, why is she thinking about this now, of all the times?

“Well, one day I’ll take you to the beach. I’ll buy you some ice cream and we can just relax on the sand. How’s that?”

Bucky laughs, flashing that smile she loves so much. “That sounds perfect. I’ll hold you to that though, alright?”

“I know you will.”

Yet, as they laugh, both of them know that their future is uncertain. He could be locked away in this cell forever, or be put in prison for the rest of his life. Nothing is guaranteed, including the chance to spend time together doing something normal. And that’s all Y/N wants for them both: to finally have a chance for peace.

Until they get that opportunity, Y/N is going to do what she always does. Stay by Bucky’s side.

The rest of her visit passes by without further incident, and Y/N is soon saying goodbye to Bucky once more. Somehow, despite knowing she’ll see him again the next day, saying goodbye gets harder each time.

“Y/L/N.” A voice calls, and Maria Hill walks up to her. Immediately, Y/N feels her stomach dropping. She hasn’t had many interactions with Maria, but she knows she means business. If she wants to speak to her, it can’t mean anything good. “Don’t worry. It’s nothing bad.”

“What is it?”

“You’re visiting Barnes a lot, hm?” she asks, raising a brow. Despite her reassurance that it’s nothing bad, Y/N still feels nervous. She nods, waiting for whatever’s coming next. A part of her expects Maria to tell her that her constant visits are not healthy, and to stop visiting him so much. Bracing herself, she prepares to stand her ground, to tell Maria they’ll have to drag her out of here before she ever leaves Bucky behind. “It seems to have a good impact on him. You’re doing a good job.” She nods.

“Oh. Thanks.” Y/N smiles, breathing a sigh of relief. Yet Maria keeps her brow perfectly raised.

“What did you expect me to say?”

“Nothing.” Y/N lies.

“Well, Nick and I appreciate your work all the same. You really do care about him, don’t you?” Again, Y/N nods. She thought that was obvious by now. Yet, with the way Maria looks at her, grinning slightly, Y/N suddenly realises what she means.

“She’s asking me if I’m in love with him.” Before Y/N can even reply, Maria smirks, disappearing back down the hallway and leaving Y/N in a stunned silence.

And that stunned silence envelops her throughout the rest of the day, including all the way home. It’s only as she works through her new routine:

Lock the door.

Check it’s triple locked.

Check every room, and make sure that nobody is hiding, ready to attack, or that nothing seems out of sorts.

Keep Sam and Steve on speed dial, just in case something happens.

That she finally speaks.

“I’m not in love with Bucky, am I?” she whispers. But as soon as those words leave her mouth, it’s as if everything falls into place.

The looks they shared. The way he smiles and how his eyes sparkle whenever he looks at her. Bucky could be having the worst day ever, but he still looks at her like she hung the moon. The way she smiles whenever she sees him. How quick they both are to defend each other. The fluttering feeling she always seems to have whenever she’s around Bucky returns, this time even stronger, so strong it infiltrates her entire being. Her heart pounds, so quickly that it could break through her rib cage.

And finally, Y/N understands what it means. She is in love with Bucky. And it means the world.

But just as quickly as that realisation comes, so does the worry. What’s going to happen now? What if Bucky goes to jail or worse, and she never sees him again? Her chest twinges and tears spring at her eyes. She can’t tell him the truth. Things are too dangerous, too chaotic right now. Bucky just got his life back, and this would just send everything into a tailspin again. Undo all the good work that’s already been done. And she cares about him too much to do that to him. His healing comes first.

Of course, Bucky soon notices that something is on her mind, and that she doesn’t seem to be herself anymore.

“Is something the matter?” His words cause her to look up from the book she brought. The Hobbit, he thinks she said it was called. It has some recognition in his mind, but nothing substantial. Now and then, small things flash in his mind, little snippets of memories. Parts of a life that he’ll never get back.

And it hurts. He wishes that all these people, all these guards who poke and prod at him, threatening him with further punishment if he dares retaliate or talk back, understand for just one fucking second what it’s like to live his life. To have a smidgen of the hurt and nightmares that he lives with every day. Maybe then they’d stop treating him that way.

But even then… deep down, Bucky knows he doesn’t want anyone to go through what he has. To have so much blood on his hands, to be so sorry for what he’s done, and yet not know how to make amends for it. To have so much of your life ripped away from you and be unable to get it back, to have lost so much because of someone’s agenda. Something that you never asked for or chose, yet they still did to you, anyway.

Although, despite everything that happened to him, he is glad that one good thing came from it. He met Y/N. She’s his constant, his tether to this new, real world. And he cares deeply about her, just as much as she does for him. So much so that he notices that when she’s not okay.

Her brow furrows. “What do you mean?”

“You seem off. Like something is troubling you.” When he notices her eyes widening, and panic crossing her expression for a moment, he sighs. She’s helped him through so much, and now it’s his turn to help her. At least, he hopes he can provide her with even one iota of the care she’s given him. “Y/N. If something is wrong, it’s okay to talk about it. I don’t want you suffering in silence.”

She scoots closer, looking up at him. He can see the gears turning in her head, as if she’s wondering whether to tell him.

“Nothing’s wrong.” Bucky considers pressing the issue further, making a hundred percent sure that she’s okay. But before he can, she changes the subject, opening the book again and resuming her storytelling.

Bucky sighs, his heart sinking. They’ve shared so much together, and now he can’t even know this about her, make sure that she’s alright. Of course, he knows he can’t demand to know the truth about everything that’s going on in her life. But he cares so deeply for her, and he wants to protect her from everything in this world, big or small. When he opens his mouth, ready to ask her again, Y/N stops him with a hurried:

“Bucky, please. Not now.” He furrows his brow. Something seems off, something deeper. And he wants to make sure that she’s alright, even as she quickly resumes reading. Yet, he also knows when to drop things, and so he doesn’t ask.

A few weeks later, Y/N comes for another visit. This time she’s brought more photos from Bucky’s past, of him and the Howling Commandos during the war. Perfectly normal, just like she’s done almost every day these past few weeks, and will continue to do for as long as she can. There should be no cause for any concern.

And yet… Bucky feels tense, as if something bad is about to happen. The hairs on the back of his neck soon start standing up, adding to his unease. His senses are telling him to look out for danger, and he can’t find it anywhere. Yet, he spent enough time as a highly trained sniper, using only his senses to get by to know that he shouldn’t just brush them off. If they’re alerting him to something, then he needs to pay attention.

He glances around his cell, still the same way it’s looked ever since they shoved him in here. The same guards he’s seen countless times before are waiting outside, keeping watch. Of course, Bucky didn’t really have the time to exchange pleasantries with them, but he knows that one of them is an older, more seasoned worker. Beside him, the new guard, recruited just before Bucky arrived. He seems pleasant enough, or at least as pleasant that a prison guard in this place could be.

Everything seems fine, seems normal. And yet, Bucky is expecting Armageddon to erupt any moment now.

“Bucky? You okay?” Y/N asks, her brow raised. Of course, she had no need to expect anything bad happening. She just trusts the Avengers and everyone working with them here to keep them safe. As any normal person would.

But Bucky isn’t any normal person. He hasn’t been for a long time.

“Y/N. Go.” He snaps, and her face falls. She interprets Bucky’s sudden coldness as him not wanting to see her anymore. And it feels like her heart is shattering in her chest.

“But we were going to talk about the Howlies again today, remember? Steve got these pictures especially for you.”

“Y/N, please just go.” He still doesn’t know what’s going on, but he’s not letting Y/N sit around like a prime target until they find out.

“Bucky, please just talk to me!” she demands, stepping closer. Even if he doesn’t want her there, she promised she would help him, and she intends to fulfil it. “I don’t want to leave you. I want to help you.”

Before Bucky can respond, an alarm suddenly begins blaring, its noise filling the air. The hairs on Bucky’s arm stand up immediately, and his heartbeat increases.

“What’s going on?” Y/N asks. Honestly, Bucky doesn’t know what the alarm means either. But he knows it can’t be a good sign.

“You need to go. Now.” Bucky insists. Y/N’s eyes widen, and she steps closer, so close she’s almost pressed against the glass of his cell.

“No! I’m not going anywhere, not without you!” At her refusal to leave him behind, something in Bucky’s stomach flutters. He’d follow her to the ends of the earth. And right now, he wishes he could go with her. But he can’t. He’s stuck here. The least he can do, though, is protect Y/N.

“Yes, you are. You have to.”

“I told you, Bucky. We’re in this together, and I’m not leaving you.” The door to the cell opens, and a guard steps inside. It’s the new guard, and Bucky breathes a sigh of relief. He’ll help Y/N out of here, and it’ll all be alright. But something still feels off, still feels dangerous.

“Miss, you need to leave.” The guard orders. Yet, Y/N stays firm, refusing to go.

“Y/N.” Bucky hisses, his voice firmer. “Listen to him. Leave. Now.”

“I advise you listen to him and run… whilst you still can.” He steps closer to the pair, and Y/N warily steps back, her back pressing against Bucky’s cell. For a moment, Bucky tries to reach out to her, to grab her and reassure her she’ll be okay. But he can’t. He’s still locked up like a caged beast. His metal arm tenses, flexing against his restraints, trying to pull himself free. “Why do they make this things so fucking tight?!”

“I’d rather stay with Bucky. Please.” She whispers, fear clear in her voice despite her attempts to hide it. Bucky hates that, hearing her so afraid.

“So be it then.” The guard smirks, stepping closer, so close that he’s almost eye to eye with Bucky. “You’ve made your choices, and now you have to live with them.” And then, Bucky registers an emptiness in the man’s eyes. A look devoid of emotion. And it chills Bucky to the core.

Because he recognises that look.

The guard comes even closer, almost whispering in the pair’s ears now.

“Hail HYDRA.”

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[keithwinters]

WEIRDLY SPECIFIC BUT HELPFUL CHARACTER BUILDING QUESTIONS (from here!) god help me I'm doing 3 at once, K/S/F for Keith, Sam, and Mama Winters(Felicity) :>

What's the lie your character says most often? All: "It's alright!"

2. How loosely or strictly do they use the word 'friend'? K: Loosely, to be friendly S: Strictly but often, as they truly are that friendly F: Loosely, to appear friendly

3. How often do they show their genuine emotions to others versus just the audience knowing? K: He can barely help it. 90-10 split S: Doesn't really have a need to mask often; is surprisingly good at it. 70-30 split F: Thinks she has to for a number of reasons; is extremely good at it. 40-60 split

4. What's a hobby they used to have that they miss? K: Ice skating S: Urban exploration F: Roller derby

5. Can they cry on command? If so, what do they think about to make it happen? K: Theoretically, but never had the thought to do so. Probably wouldn't on principle. S&F: Yes; ASPCA commercials (they have done this at the same time, for fun)

6. What's their favorite [insert anything] that they've never recommended to anyone before?

7. What would you (mun) yell in the middle of a crowd to find them? What would their best friend and/or romantic partner yell?

8. How loose is their use of the phrase ‘I love you’? K: Says it often, but only to people he really loves S: Very loose, but liking is a little bit of love anyway, right? F: Only says it to family

9. Do they give tough love or gentle love most often? Which do they prefer to receive? K: It used to be more of a mix, but now it's maybe too gentle. He would really like gentle love in return but could honestly do with some tough love. S: A good mix on both accounts F: More tough than gentle, though she's flexible. She prefers tough love but she might just be being hard on herself.

10. What fact do they excitedly tell everyone about at every opportunity? K: He's not really prone to doing that anymore, the closest he gets is talking about Annabelle/cars, or his family. S: Whatever random fact they might have about a given situation; they don't have a favorite but they like to share neat things. F: Her baby is an ACTOR :>

11. If someone was impersonating them, what would friends / family ask or do to tell the difference? K&S: Look at their hands/ask about them. They both have very distinct scars/markings with specific stories for each. F: Watch for her to fiddle with her necklace. She's very exact with it and does it often.

12. What's something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific! K: Stupid puns/dad jokes S: When dogs try to get a stick that's too long thru a door and bonk into the frame. F: Words pronounced incredibly wrong on purpose

13. When do they fake a smile? How often? K: When he needs to put up a front. Not very often bc he's not very good at it. S: When they don't want someone to worry. Not very often but more than they should. F: When she needs to.

14. How do they put out a candle? K: Pinches it out S: Swats at it/ gives up and blows bc it's too hot to pinch F: Blows it out

15. What’s the most obvious difference between their behavior at home, at work, at school, with friends, and when they're alone?

16. What kinds of people do they have arguments with in their head? K: Basically anyone S: No one F: Specific people in town

17. What do they notice first in the mirror versus what most people first notice looking at them?

18. Who do they love truly, 100% unconditionally (if anyone)? Each other :> (For better or worse, Keith is already well on the way to loving Alun and Raine unconditionally too.)

19. What would they do if stuck in a room with the person they've been avoiding? K&S: Try to talk it out so the rancid vibes can end. F: Silently stare at a wall until the other person leaves.

20. Who do they like as a person but hate their work? Vice versa, whose work do they like but don't like the person?

21. What common etiquette do they disagree with? Do they still follow it? K: He's been told that gesturing a lot is rude while talking and he doesn't want to be rude but!! what!! he tries to be mindful but still gestures a lot when he's worked up... which is often. S: Asking "How are you" and answering falsely to be polite. If you don't care why are you asking? If you're not ok we can talk about it? They've learned to do it anyway, but they don't like that sort of thing. F: Small talk. It's necessary for someone in her position and she's really good at keeping it going... but she really prefers concise conversations.

22. What simple activity that most people do / can do scares your character?

23. What do they feel guilty for that the other person(s) doesn’t / don’t even remember? K: For saying something. S: For not saying something. F: For leaving.

24. Did they take a cookie from the cookie jar? What kind of cookie was it? K: He put them in there, and then takes some out. Chocolate chip. S: Yes, and keep coming back for more/tries to sneak some out. Whatever cookies are available. F: One or two. Butter cookies.

25. What subject / topic do they know a lot about that’s completely useless to the direct plot? K: Cars S: Urban exploration F: Flower language

26. How would they respond to being fired by a good boss?

27. What’s the worst gift they ever received? How did they respond?

28. What do they tell people they want? What do they actually want? K: He can't just ask for what he wants, obviously!! Imagine!! He wants to feel wanted, needed, to be doted on like he wants to dote on others, but god help him if he even thought to ask for that. S: Is very upfront about ...most wants. What they verbalize and what they actually want tend to line up. F: Usually tells people she wants for nothing. Wants her children to be happy above all else, of course, but she'd really like to get back into wrestling. Alas...

29. How do they respond when someone doesn’t believe them? K: Gets defensive or flippant, depending on who it is. Why would he lie about this? S: Puppydog eyes, drawn out "come ooooon" and similar sentiments. Might worry that they're actually wrong about whatever it is, they do get things wrong pretty often... F: Very "suit yourself", casual attitude. That's your problem now but she'll remember this.

30. When they make a mistake and feel bad, does the guilt differ when it’s personal versus when it’s professional? Absolutely for all 3. Personal is way more severe than work.

31. When do they feel the most guilt? How do they respond to it? K: When he's hurt someone's feelings. He might need a little time first but he tries to be quick to rectify it, even at the cost of his own feelings. S: When someone is upset at them or they're upset at someone else. They tend to backpedal fairly quickly in an effort to avoid it. F: When she's gotten too heated. She has to work through it on her own for a bit first, stubborn as she is. But eventually she'll make it right as best she can.

32. If they committed one petty crime / misdemeanor, what would it be? Why? K: Assault. Someone did something they shouldn't have and it escalated. S: Trespassing. It's an abandoned building what does it matter!! F: She hasn't done anything of this level. :>

33. How do they greet someone they dislike / hate? The Winters family special: ^_^ If anyone is making this a scene it's gonna be the other person.

34. How do they greet someone they like / love? K: Big smile, hands open if someone wants a hug but doesn't move to initiate one. Reserved but warm energy. S: Big hug, or at least an arm around the shoulder. Boisterous and full of energy! F: Takes their hand in hers, put a hand on their arm or straight up pulls them into a hug. Exudes cozy energy.

35. What is the smallest, morally questionable choice they’ve made? K: A feint S: A lie F: A theft

36. Who do they keep in their life for professional gain? Is it for malicious intent? K&S: No one. F: A good deal of the people in town/ neighboring towns. It's not malicious, but she's got a family to take care of! You catch more flies with honey, you know.

37. What’s a secret they haven’t told serious romantic partners and don’t plan to tell?

38. What hobby are they good at in private, but bad at in front of others? Why?

39. Would they rather be invited to an event to feel included or be excluded from an event if they were not genuinely wanted there? K: Excluded; he's terrified of people pretending to like him. S: Invited; maybe they can become friends! F: Excluded; she has better things to do.

40. How do they respond to a loose handshake? What goes through their head? K: He'll try to adjust. Did he misread the situation? Is he being too rough?? S: Zero thoughts as they cartoonishly shake a limp hand. F: She stays the course of a firm handshake. This person at best doesn't know how to shake hands or is meek, and at worst isn't taking this interaction seriously. She is taking mental notes.

41. What phrases, pronunciations, or mannerisms did they pick up from someone / somewhere else? K: Says "y'know" as a shortened "dontcha know" from his dad and uncle. S: Started saying "hella" as soon as they moved to CA because it's fun to say F: Picked up "you betcha" to tease her husband initially but now cannot help but say it all the time

42. If invited to a TED Talk, what topic would they present on? What would the title of their presentation be?

43. What do they commonly misinterpret because of their own upbringing / environment / biases? How do they respond when realizing the misunderstanding? K&S: Have a very skewed view of religion that they've had to navigate throughout life to varying degrees. F: Has a very skewed view of religious people that she's really really dug her heels into, so to be polite she'll flatout ignore them. She'll handwave misunderstandings to avoid a Situation but she's very adamant about her feelings on what religion does to people so she usually won't admit to any sort of fault or bias on her end.

44. What language would be easiest for them to learn? Why?

45. What’s something unimportant / frivolous that they hate passionately? K: Lifted trucks S&F: Scratchy fabrics. They commiserate about them while Keith gives them a hard time. "Just stop touching them, no one is making you touch them." "That's not enough, this shouldn't EXIST. No one should have the ENDURE this-""Can you BE-LIEVE-"

46. Are they a listener or a talker? If they’re a listener, what makes them talk? If they’re a talker, what makes them listen? K: He cannot help but run his mouth when he's worked up, but really tries to be a good listener at all times. S: Ebbs and flows vis a vis listening and talking. Tries to adjust to the person they're speaking with, but also just gets excited a lot. F: A listener who knows when it's important to speak.

47. Who have they forgotten about that remembers them very well? K: No one. S: People worth forgetting. F: This isn't a number to be concerned about.

48. Who would they say ‘yes’ to if invited to do something they abhorred / strongly didn’t want to do? K: The boys and his family, of course. S: Their family, as well as their teammates, and at least some of their coworkers. It was sweet to invite them, afterall. F: Her family. She'd give her brother-in-law a hard time about it tho.

49. Would they eat something they find gross to be polite? K: Absolutely S: Rarely F: Absolutely not

50. What belief / moral / personality trait do they stand by that you (mun) personally don’t agree with?

51. What’s a phrase they say a lot? "Don't worry about it." :>

52. Do they act on their immediate emotions, or do they wait for the facts before acting? K: He's emotional but really tries to force himself to be rational. S: Emotions 100% F: Wait for the facts, though she can get really hotheaded really easily

53. Who would / do they believe without question? Each other. There might be some fussing or teasing, but they're very close and know if it's serious it's not to be taken lightly. Keith and Sam are liable to believe their teammates without question as well (though Keith is a little work-in-progress); if there's any questions it's usually just to try and understand the situation.

54. What’s their instinct in a fight / flight / freeze / fawn situation? K: Fight or Freeze/Fawn depending S: Flight/Freeze F: Fight

55. What’s something they’re expected to enjoy based on their hobbies / profession that they actually dislike / hate?

56. If they’re scared, who do they want comfort from? Does this answer change depending on the type of fear? From each other, usually. But barring that for obvious reasons: K: He wants comfort from Alun and Raine, but is too worried they'll think/know he's weak. (And he still really wants Bella to not think he's the lamest thing ever) S: Being a hero means doing it scared, so we will do it scared!! (But if any of their teammates wanted to check on them they wouldn't say no.) F: No one else.

57. What’s a simple daily activity / motion that they mess up often? K: Prone biting his own tongue/lip when eating. S: Cooking anything above instant ramen. F: She struggles a bit with little fasteners, like buttons.

58. How many hobbies have they attempted to have over their lifetime? Is there a common theme? K: Only a handful, but he's kept up with a lot of them. Fighting, outdoorsy, and househusband stuff, theme-wise. S: Has tried many, many things, but sticks with very few for long. Trying to find what they like. Knife tricks and parkour are the mainstays, but there's no common theme throught all of them. F: Doesn't pick hobbies up as often as she did when she was younger, but will occasionally look into something that piques her interest. Likes games and needlecrafts the most, though has a tough time with smaller projects.

[storiesofsvu]

Happy Thursday hoes, let’s get to it!

Todays pros: citytv thinks im in TO so I’m getting it started at six!

Cons: no subtitles.

Alright, OG up first.

Love this new detective that’s a fanboy of everyone, makes me miss rollins lol

Pls let it be a female perp. We love a good female perp.

Okay seriously, this very subtle shaky cam is fucking terrible and hurts my head.

The GROAN I let out at the sight of Samantha in her well fitted pants suit sitting there like a fucking badass pissed off look on her face. Ma’am. Please. (yes, she is the only reason I watch this show)

Okay, the pedo may be the only eye witness, but they still have blood on the murderers pants, don’t they? Would that not tie it together enough? Or is it because the eye witness was the one who lead them to him? God I hate the legal system.

I REALLY wish this show would show more of the arguing between Nolan and Sam, like these two do NOT see eye to eye or have the same opinions on basically anything. And while I know major fighting would be called unprofessional, we at least used to see the lawyers get into it, or bantering. There’s so many times that you can tell just by the look of her face that Sam’s pissed, that she doesn’t think highly of him or his decisions on cases, like she hates him. I wanna see that play out on screen LOL

SVU time!

Let’s see if this week is any better than the last ones

Liv back in therapy, we love to see it.

A crumb of EO? Will that keep the crazies at bay? (like, I don’t even ship it but fuck am I sick of it now, the baiting is hella annoying and terrible, make it happen or not, don’t keep leading the actual ship fans on…)

Uhhh… is there not some kind of patient dr confidentiality? Like this bitch could have just lost her job (esp with someone like mcgrath involved… wtf..)

ITS THIS KIND OF SHIT THAT MAKES ME FERAL. In previous episodes they’ve had situations where shrinks couldn’t testify when they were the ONE witness, and like the entire case went into the trash because of it based off this exact type of situation… where TF is the continuity??

Okay… so she’s a minor so I can see the loophole here, BUT the therapist should have told her parents….

I knew it wasn’t the math tutor…

Ok… so mcgrath threatens to kill the math tutor, but when they’re picking up the son across the street he goes rage on benson?? And the iab captain? Shouldn’t you be attempting to punch the kid or something? God I really hope this ep is his last…

“can you drop that to me?” good thing Bruno’s there cause fin would have ZERO ideas on how to do that…

“until the age of 25 the male brain is about as useful as an electrified meatball” jfc… that wins for best line of the night.

Where the fuck is Velasco? Like.. man deserves his paycheques too..

Okay, mcgrath’s wife needs to shut the fuck up, liv’s trying to help her daughter and she accuses liv of gunning for mcgrath’s job.. jfc..

I was expecting mcgrath to throw hands not pull out his fucking GUN jfc… and like.. that was infront of two cars, that’s gonna be on a dash cam somewhere…

This is one of those one case turns into 4 but there’s only 5 mins left of the episode… cmon…

“I guess I didn’t see it in myself…” THANK YOU I was just gonna bring up the whole half assed back plot of mcgrath being abusive… (which is on par for cops, and ironic that the woman playing his wife was the wife of a cop who abused/raped her in 1.o)

This very much seems like a good bye. Pls let it be a good bye. Petition to bring back Garland!

Okay… im confused, I looked at my phone for 5 seconds and lost track of what was happening. Is the iab captain joining svu, cause that doesn’t work…theyre both captains. Or is she saying she’ll be filling in for mcgrath in the meantime??

Onto OC!

Okay, I am incredibly thankful for carisi on oc, but he’s the *sex crimes* ada.. not the only Manhattan ada, he wouldn’t be prosecuting this case… lol

Me: “wait I thought he was an officer.”

Reyes: “detective?” *side eye*

Me: ah yes, okay he was promoted the writers didn’t forget between weeks.

God this entitled pos teenager… wtf… its not *your* house bitch.

Ah, thank god, here’s the arguing that was missing in OG, not surprised its Elliot. Lol.

Oh god..the bratty teen overheard that didn’t she? Fuck..

God… this girl is gonna blow the entire thing, isn’t she? Like, in todays day and age with all the social media and how teenagers (and some adults) don’t know how to go without it, there’s no way they’d cut contact with everyone and delete socials and keep things quiet.

Aaaaaannd here we go. 5 seconds in and she’s blown their new location. (also WHY would the cops even tell them the location? That seems like something they wouldn’t do until they were halfway there…)

Okay… we’re missing a daughter.. I don’t know if this is supposed to be Maureen or elizabeth but I’m assuming liz as it looks like her kids are twins and she was the twin… Also where’s dickie? (I know the brother said something about someone not being able to get a flight? Im just deaf and without subtitles I couldn’t tell ya what exactly was said lol)

How old is this younger brother supposed to be? The only info online I can find is the actor is 50 which im not sure I believe.

Okay there’s dickie he’s in the background!

These guys KNEW they were in a high risk situation and none of them have a vest anywhere near them? ARE WE DUMB?! IS IT OUR FIRST DAY ON THE JOB?

Okay, there’s the other kid.

Maureen and Kathleen giving side eye while sipping their drinks while the tea is being spilt is the highlight of this moment.

This is SOOO awkward for everyone else at the table jfc… ESPECIALLY Eli’s poor girlfriend.. like. Welcome to the family drama, don’t worry we never have to come back…

Why the fuck did jet not grab the other gun?!

Me: unfazed at Elliot body slamming a teenager.

Bell: *casually* “I’m shot”

Me: ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL RIGHT NOW

THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING IF WE FUCKING LOSE HER I WILL ACTUALLY RIOT.

(BUT ALSO MAY WE STEP BACK TO 8 LINES EARLIER WHERE I WAS YELLING ABOUT THEM NOT HAVING VESTS ON?!)

I knew this other captain was going to be coming more into play, but im pissed its cause bell’s out with a gunshot wound.

Christ.

Okay well, another week and OC is continuing it’s reign as superior of the three!

Some pics for context/hilarity

[tracle0]

hey hey happy storyteller monday yeehaw I am vaguely stealing the same kinda artsy themes as the ask you sent me this time round, but I was thinkin about your recent sonder updates and was curious about uhhhhh what sort of approach you take when tackling something in comic form as opposed to a novel? what are the different things you need to keep in mind, what are the parts of the process that remain similar, n how does your personal approach differ between the two? c:

You’re a thief. A scoundrel. I’ll have you tied up and held over a pot of soup for this crime. 

By which I mean happy Storyteller Sunday! Thank you for the ask :D and a.... very good one tbh.

I think the simple answer is... there’s not a lot of difference? 

I get an idea, I sit on it for a few months, then I get started Actually Making it. Wip4 (nearly has a name, stay tuned :D) is very much like that, and simmering to the point of writing it, just in time for NaNo. I daydream and plot and plan and theories for a long time before the story feels firm and solid. So that’s similar; I sit on these ideas for MONTHS.

I also.... doodle a lot for any story I want to tell. For Sonder-comic, it’s easier cause I already know what a lot of the characters look like. Atlas! Atlas looks exactly the same but with lil wizard shoes now. That’s the only difference! So super easy to draw. Even like.... Andy? With his slight redesign? Still the same guy, I can draw that, no worries. Wip4 wise, it’s happened as well; I think I added in two whole scenes cause I doodled something then went ‘well what’s going on here why is this happening’ and tied it into the story lmao

So yea; lotsa doodles. Lotsa me drawing something, going ‘why are they in this place/doing this thing’ and making up reasons, then tying it into the world. Recently drew Atlas and went ‘well why DOES Atlas hate spiders’ and fell down a whole rabbit hole that fleshed out worldbuilding and backstories and their personal beef with both spiders AND with Andy, so that helped. 

Slight similarity, I plot both comics and novels a lot before starting them? At the moment, I’ve got a notebook for NaNo/wip4, and I’m just planning out each and every chapter; what happens, how people feel, bla bla bla. Very open to change, but it makes me feel better to know what to expect haha. 

Comics are plotted more with me getting a bunch of post-it notes and drawing each page out in a thumbnail. That’s what I did for the one and only comic I’ve ever made over a long time, about crows (@iceskatingcrow if you’re curious lmao). This time, I’ll probably write things out as well, but I still like making a rough plan to follow.

Different wise, I think... I mean, I’ve never really made a comic like THIS sort of thing before, so it’s going to be a lot of experimenting. Seeing how other people do stuff, seeing what I like. I’ll probably make some test mini-comics with backstories and lore and stuff in them before getting started properly, which is similar-ish to me writing short stories to get used to characters voices, except with.... colour. 

I also keep thinking of scenes and things that would happen, and imagining how I’d describe them with words, before remembering ‘wait no hang on this is pictures, dumbass’ 

Things I need to keep in mind; structure. Different angles of drawings. Backgrounds???? lmao it’s gonna be a fun journey. Sonder was my first proper novel, and now it’s gonna be my first proper comic. 

Also: not to rush!!! Be calm!!! I’m going to be living my life at the same time as making this and publishing it into the world. If I work on something all day, every day, I’ll get sick of it again. Take my time, enjoy what I do and tell a fun story. 

Yea :D basically I’m very excited to... draw. I’ve not been so excited for Sonder-related content in a long time, so this re-vamp is thrilling me. I hope I’ll keep enthusiasm long enough to finish it. 

[inkandpen22]

Permanent Chaos (3/?)

Pairing: MGK x Female!Reader

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: mild swearing, mentions of smut, mentions of underage drinking 

Part Summary: Sam and Y/N are on The Late Late Show to promote The Seasons of Life. 

Masterlist

Before the interview, Nicole practices questions with me so I don’t get blindsided. Meanwhile, Sam and his manager, Steven, practice talking about our upcoming photo shoot for Vanity Fair. Steven is much more laid back than Nicole. Sam is free to do whatever he pleases. The country sees him as an average twenty-something. If he ever messed up he would be forgiven. Nicole emphasizes to me whenever she can that I have no room for error. I must be a saint as “America’s Sweetheart.”

There’s a knock at the door to our dressing room and Steven opens it. A man with a check board and a headset instructs, “Ms. Voss, Mr. Merka you’ll be on in five. If you could follow me.”

“We’ll be right off camera if you need us!” Nicole informs me and Steven agrees with a hum.

“Have fun guys!” he adds.

Sam holds the door for me and the two of us follow the man down the hall into backstage. Sam takes my hand as a precaution, just in case the chaos might separate us. Through double doors, we enter backstage and we’re stopped behind where we’re meant to enter. Loud music begins to echo from the stage and I recognize the song as one of Machine Gun Kelly’s. He’s all the rage now, one of those rockstars that girls fifteen and up obsess over. I don’t have much space left in my mind to obsess with everything going on. As we wait, I bop and sway my head back and forth to the beat absentmindedly.

The man says over his shoulder, “he’s great huh!”

I frowned confused, “wait, is he performing live?”

The man raises an eyebrow as if the answer is obvious. “Yeah, his interview was a few minutes ago. I’m surprised you didn’t cross paths when you got here.” He’s then pulled away by a lady dressed in all black. “I’ll right back! Stay right here!”

I scoff under my breath, the dude treated me like a dingus.

“Well, he was friendly” Sam mutters sarcastically under his breath.

“Right! Geez, he’s what? Only around four years older than you? At least he looked it. My bad for not knowing I’m apparently in the same building as a god!”

Sam snickers but covers his mouth since we’re not allowed to be loud. The song ends and the crowd goes wild on the other side.

“Ladies and gentlemen, Machine Gun Kelly!” The applause goes on and on with James attempting to speak over it into the camera. “After the break, we’ll have the breakout stars from the hottest show of the decade The Seasons of Life, Y/N Voss, and Sam Merka! So don’t go anywhere!”

The audience gets loud at the sound of our names and a shot of adrenaline rushes through me. People rush around backstage to get the music equipment off the set. Sam and I move up against the wall so people can get through. The crew is yelling to make the switch quick. Propping myself up against the wall, I watch the chaos happening. Sam leans against the wall and faces me. I don’t mind the tight quarters though. He acts like a wall, blocking me from the craziness.

“It never gets like this on set,” Sam says, scanning the stage.

“That’s because we don’t film live,” I remind him with a chuckle.

My arms cross over my chest and Sam props his elbow on my shoulder. If this was a photoshoot, this would be a great shot of us. We’re being ourselves, depending on each other as per usual. We’re comfortable with one another. To kill time, I glance around as people move about backstage. My eyes meet a lengthy, bleach blonde, tattoo-covered musician walking off stage. He instantly goes for the guitar case against the far wall in the corner. As if he could feel me looking, his attention snaps away from his guitar and toward me. His focused features gently fall as he stares at me from across the busyness of the show. A chill shoots up my spine and spreads across my face. Instantly, I'm drawn in and can't find the means to look away.

Sam steals my attention when he straightens up in my side view. “We’re on,” he informs me.

I immediately bring to focus and adjust my floral pencil skirt to appear put together.

The man from before leads us up to where he left us last. “Okay, here’s the deal. James will announce your names. There will be cheers, you will walk out together and sit on the couch. The order in which you sit doesn’t matter.” He pauses to press on his headset, “sure, alright, one minute.”

I shift my head to the side and yet again I see them, the same pair of eyes that made me freeze. I quickly snap my attention forward as though I’ve been caught red-handed. He’s not what I had expected. I’ve heard of Machine Gun Kelly, who hasn’t? I’ve seen pictures here and there. I’ve heard a song or two. Never in a million did I ever imagine we would meet eyes and he would make me stop breathing for a second. It was nothing short of groundbreaking. It’s dangerous and immaculate at the same time.

Soon, the noise of the audience dies down to signal the end of the commercial break. Sam and I are told to walk out so we cross through the corridor. Sam leads and reaches his hand back for me to take. I do so mindlessly since it’s what we always do. We wave to the audience and James stands up to greet us. He hugs Sam and they exchange a few words. I keep on waving to the audience and point towards a girl who has a shirt with the show’s title on it. Sam moves over so James and I can say hello.

“Hi, James! How are you?” I greet as we embrace.

“Excellent, how are you, Sweetheart?” He charms.

“Great! Excited to be here!” I gush as I shuffle to the side to settle on the couch beside Sam.

“Thirty seconds!” A man, whom I assume is the producer, announced loudly.

I sit down next to Sam on the light blue velvet couch. He sits back and crosses his arm over the back of the couch behind me then slides it down to rest over my shoulders. I lean into his side, crossing my legs toward him. 

“Five seconds!” James sits down in his black desk chair next to Sam and looks into the camera. He’s given the signal and he lights up. “I’m joined here by the two biggest young stars of the decade, Y/N Voss and Sam Merka!” The audience applauds loudly and I wave to all of them. James turns to us with a bright grin. “First off, how are you two?”

“We’re great, couldn’t be better!” Sam answers with a charming smile. He takes my hand and I rest them on my lap instinctively.

At the start of the series, our management and the show’s team encouraged us to be mildly affectionate in public situations to promote interest in our tv counterparts. Since then, it’s come so naturally to us because as friends we genuinely feel better when we have physical contact when on display. We’re security blankets for one another.

James continues, “you two play the power couple, Hollyn and Elliot, on the hit show The Seasons of Life, better known simply as Seasons. It’s all anyone is talking about lately! Has all the publicity changed your lives at all?”

Nervously, I tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear before I speak. “I can’t speak for Sam, but at least for me, I answer with a confident “yes!” The Seasons of Life has changed every aspect of my life. When we first started filming the first season, I was still living in South Carolina. I went to a normal high school and had to travel back and forth between here and there. Back then, no one really knew of me. I was your average teenage girl trying to have the best of both worlds.”

James nods, seemingly fascinated by my response.

Sam smiles in agreement, switching his sight between James and myself. “My story is basically the same except I was in college studying law.”

“That’s right!” James perks up, “There’s a decent age gap between the two of you!”

We glance at each other and nod, both of us grinning.

“Does that make the more romantic scenes between Hollyn and Elliot harder?” James inquires.

“No, not at all” I answer, squeezing Sam’s hand.

“Y/N has always acted with such maturity and grace that she makes it unbelievable easy onset. The eight years feel nearly nonexistent.”

“We haven’t had too many extremely romantic scenes,” I add jokingly, looking fondly at Sam.

He meets my gaze and hums in agreement. “Have to build up that suspense!”

James laughs at Sam’s remark and goes on with his questions. “Last year, during the season finale, Twitter blew up because your characters finally got together! And had that bow-chicka-wow-wow scene,” James wiggles his eyebrows. The audience cheers in excitement. Everyone was over the moon about the scene. “Y/N, what was going through your mind during that scene?”

“Sam, Jonathan, and the rest of the Seasons family never fail to make me feel so secure onset. For that scene, in particular, Jonathan made sure it was just the three of us on set so that space felt relaxed. It was my first time ever filming a sex scene of that magnitude and I was so lucky to have this fella right here to help me,” I gush as I place my hand on Sam’s knee with a pat.

“That’s lovely,” James feeds into the sappiness that the audience eats up. “Was there ever talk of getting a double for you?”

“I told our director, the producers, everyone that only I can do the scene. It didn’t feel right to me to have someone else play Hollyn. Especially for a scene that would have such an impact on the characters involved. The fans had been begging for Elliot and Hollyn to finally get together and I couldn’t pass up being a part of the moment when they finally did. It wouldn’t have been fair to the fans if it wasn’t me playing the role.”

The audience approves of my response with their loud reaction which eases my nerves immensely.

“Absolutely incredible,” James compliments. “I can’t imagine the scene being done without you two. I mean, you two have such chemistry! What were your reactions to watching the infamous final scene? Did you watch it together?!”

Sam and I side-eye one another then burst out laughing because I can recall my exact words. I’m sure he can too.

“This is a question for Y/N,” he points out between laughter.

I hit the back of my hand on his stomach, “why me?!”

“You said!” He chuckles, so he does remember my words.

I get the giggles as James pushes me to answer. I settle down and catch my breath. “Well, I had a watch party at my house with the cast, and right after the scene happened and the show cuts to the dramatic final credits, I yelled “yay! Hollyn finally got laid!”

James hides his face with his cards as he laughs. Laughs of all kinds spread throughout the audience and I can feel my face getting warm. James’s laugh is contagious and I can’t stop.

“You all know how uptight Hollyn could be! Maybe she’ll be a little more laid back!” I add with a shrug and James bursts out laughing.

“You two are absolutely hilarious,” he wipes his watery eyes. “And adorable! Please tell me you’re dating in real life!”

Sam hiss between his teeth and glances at me. “I’m sorry, we’re not…” he answers hesitantly.

“What!” James’s jaw drops, “but you two are so cute together! I mean, you’ve been holding hands the entire time!”

We shake our heads and Sam explains for us both. “Y/N and I are super close. We can see how people would assume we’re dating but in all honesty, we’re just really good friends. Considering, for example, to have done the final scene from last season we kinda have to be. We met when she was just a teenager and I was in graduate school. We’ve seen each other grow. We’ve been around the world together and since our characters are paired together, so are we. Meaning, we’re constantly together and I’m thankful we are because I’m so lucky to have such an amazing partner in all of this.”

“Aw, isn’t he the sweetest!” I pout playfully and rest my head on his shoulder.

“Ugh, can we change the whole “only friends” thing?” James begs. “I ship it!”

The audience agrees and then he moves on to talk about the next season. We say all that can be shared at the time being and we share some pictures from filming yesterday as a teaser for the season.

“Y/N, is that you crying here?” James questions.

The photo on the scene behind us shows the part where I cry because Elliot just told Hollyn she’ll only ever be a rich girl from Los Angeles.

“Yeah, the first episode is filled with drama! Elliot and Hollyn already have a rocky time.”

“No! You’re joking!” He whines, disappointed.

We flip through more photos and answer a few more questions. James says into the camera that when we get back we’ll be playing a game. The game is Who is Most Likely To? Between me and Sam who is more likely to…

After the commercial break, James looks toward the camera with the utmost enthusiasm. “And we are back with Y/N and Sam! I have given each of them a paddle! One side says Y/N and the other reads Sam! Now, the game is Who is Most Likely To? So, between the two of you, who is more likely to “fill in the blank?” We all set?”

“We’re good!” Sam and I say at the same time as if we practiced.

“Alrighty, question number one...” James reads his cards. “Who is most likely to sleep until noon?”

I instantly flip my paddle to myself without a second thought. Sam is such an early bird. The type to get a five-mile jog in by ten. I lean forward and Sam said me as well.

“I’m not gonna deny it. If I could I would stay in bed all day,” I giggle without shame.

“You have stayed in bed all day,” Sam teases and I playfully nudge him in the arm. The whole set finds it humorous.

“Who is most likely to get a tattoo?” James reads with a raised brow.

The audience “ooh’s” in anticipation. I flip my paddle to Sam’s side, never in a million years would I get a tattoo.

“Y/N, you flipped your paddle super fast. Why is that?” James inquires.

“Mhm, nope! There will be no ink on this skin!” I wave my head frantically. “Sam can do whatever he wants with his body but it’s a no for me.”

“We’ve actually talked about tattoos before and I plan on getting one here soon,” Sam describes.

James asks him about what he plans on getting and that conversation goes on a minute or two. Sam explains where he plans on placing the tattoo and when he’ll get it done.

James reads over the card and smirks, “who is most likely to date another celebrity?”

Sam, no doubt. I feel no urge to date, thank you very much.

“Oh! Looks like we got ourselves a mix-up! Sam said Y/N and Y/N said, Sam!” James laughs toward the audience.

“Me?!” I gasp, earning amusement from the audience.

Sam turns his body to face me, “why not?”

“You know, if you two dated this could work itself out,” James points out to get a reaction from the crowd.

“I’m not really looking to date at the moment,” I explain, and James is surprised. I explain further, “the show is important to me and this summer I just want to fun. Plus, my schedule is quite hectic and I would feel bad for dragging someone else into it all.”

He completely understands and asks the final question. “Who is most likely to get married first?”

I flip my board to Sam again. James starts to laugh and I comprehend that it’s the same case as last time. I check Sam’s and I’m right, he said to me.

“Why do you keep putting me?” I fuss playfully.

“Because it’s true! You’re such a little liar to say me!” Sam teases.

“You’re older!” I reason.

“Oh please,” Sam rolls his eyes and leans back into the couch.

“I’ll have to agree with Sam on this one,” James adds and I look to him betrayed.

“Y/N, you’re America’s Sweetheart! Every young guy’s dream girl!”

I hide my face in my hands and shake my head with a giggle.

“Doesn’t mean I’ll be the first to get married! I have no interest in anyone right now!” James and Sam beam as I finish.

“Ah, ah see! You said “right now,” James points at me.

These two are teaming up on me now.

“Thank you so much you two for coming in! It’s been a lot of fun!” James thanks.

“Of course, it was a blast!” I charm.

He stands and so do we. He hugs Sam then me, “you two make me laugh like no others.”

James looks into the camera and wraps up the end of the show. “Thank you, Julia Roberts, Adam Levine, Sam Merka, Y/N Voss, and Machine Gun Kelly for joining me today! Have an excellent night everyone! Until next time!”

The band starts their music. Sam and I dance to the beat and James join in. The produces yells that the show has cut to a commercial.

To hear my name and Machine Gun Kelly’s name mere seconds apart is something I never thought I’d hear.

“Thanks again for coming!” James repeats once the show is over.

“We had fun! Thanks for having us!” Sam compliments.

The duo shares a brief “bro hug” and James embraces me one last time.

Then, Sam and I head backstage to our dressing room. Nicole and Steven should already be back there since I didn’t see them on the set.

“That went well!” Sam mentions while we walk down the hall.

I hum, “totally not getting married first though.”

“Whatever, you’re lying to yourself,” he laughs as he opens the door to the dressing for me.

Nicole and Steven are waiting for us and instantly begin talking about the Vanity Fair shoot tomorrow. It’s never-ending.

____________________________________________________

Masterlist

Tags:  @canyoubuymetoast  @bri-3530 @asil1652 @andstilltryingtofindmyself @nadia2021 @olafsidehoe @mgkobsessed @fairywriting101 @ferrell-cat @naylanae-0308 @tonystarkswife10 @alexsa56 @brocksbabyyy @stormrider505 @magnificenthumancopangel @sarcasticfangirlus @lilramencup95beech @missyviolet123 @skeleton-gxrl @glitterybearllamaflap @margaritaville20 @amoresixx

[fucktheroyals]

You know after reading and reading and reading peoples theories and the meta from before the spn finale aired and the meta writers reactions to the finale I think I have a theory of my own. We don't have any answers tho, so this is pure speculation. If you wanna add something to support or discredit any of this that's cool but there's too many things floating around. Know I dont have proof for this conclusion at all. A lot of what I say is just guesses based on previous facts.

This all came together in my head when I realized how much this finale REEKS of the original producers and who the show was originally for. It REEKS of Robert Singer. Like if the execs started saying they didn't want it, Robert Singer was the one pushing that the story was about the brothers. That kinda thing.

Then, I was thinking of the problems in this episode and it struck me these are all of Supernatural biggest issues and to be honest all of it feels completely deliberate.

Take the sexism for example, Supernatural in it's later seasons largely out grew this, we have Jody, Rowena, Donna, Charlie, Mary, Claire (and even a wayward sisters pilot with MORE women/girls) all making regular appearances. They're mainly good characters and mostly aren't there to hurt our boys. Rowena, of course, is the one outlier being very about herself but it's clear she still cares for them, I mean its part of her development. But they're all real, with character flaws just like everyone else. (And we have Death too and she was POC 😭 THANK GOD)

Now look at the earlier half of Spn, we have Ellen and Jo, who's appearances were far in between. There's Bela in season 3, recurring for quite a bit (5 eps), but she is a character that is only there for herself, definitely not found family (unlike Ellen & Jo), and she's got more episodes in season 3 than Ellen and Jo in season 2 who aren't seen again til season 5. The "fans" send in hate mail after hate mail to try to get these characters off, and eventually they are. Then there's Ruby who's character stayed for a whole two seasons and was a largely recurring character. Why does she get to say so long? She's a plot device. She's supposed to be there to betray Sam. She has to stay (plus Jared obviously likes her). But she's not just a character the writers like writing about. Same with Lilith. Obviously not as recurring but still a plot device. Did they get hate mail tho? You can bet on it. Why? because tHeY'rE gOnNa PuSh ThE bOyS (Dean and Sam) aPaRt ThE sHoW iS aBoUt ThE bOyS oNlY. Without even thinking about the hate mail, just notice how large the difference is from how women are seen in the earlier seasons to the later seasons. Misha got tons of hate mail too for being a character that could split up the boys (probably only being allowed to say because he a man, thanks sexist producers and execs).

Only after Castiel was killed off and then Castiel fans successfully (thank you guys) got him back on the show did the hate mail largely simmer, which means female character's were allowed to stay! Which has lead us to a show with a good amount of female characters. But can you imagine having to kill characters off time and time again because people keep complaining that the show is "only about the boys." Fun times really.

So now we get to this final and we see sexism. But it wasn't just the plain old regular sexism you find in the earlier days of spn. Because now, there ARE women to talk about, talk to. But this episode was DESOLATE women wise, unless they were used for plot (which is also sexist!). Small scenes, they're barely there. Women gets her tongue cut out. Random women from s1 gets killed. Sam doesn't SPEAK of Eileen. Nothing. No mention of any female characters from the boys mouths unless they were from/in this episode itself. That's WIERD. I know we've all said it. But that goes beyond forgetting about characters. I mean its SAM'S GIRLFRIEND for Christ's sake. There is NO REASON they couldn't have said Eileen's name. Notice how Sam's wife is just... faceless. This is literally an age old sexist trope. Like... one of the things about bringing Mary back to life for s12+ is that it takes this trope... of basically a generic mother, and gives her life and feelings, whether you like them or not, they're real feelings. They said Mary isn't just a mom she's a person. Mary's existence in the later half of spn is to fix this kind of female tropes that fall upon her character, to not let these her stay a 2 dimensional character. They said we should know she's more than just the mom who tried to save her kid. Do that is the exact opposite of Sam getting a nameless, faceless wife. The sexism of the old spn wasn't just brought back, it was completely amplified. It wasn't just accidental or some exec "fixing" the story it was DELIBRATE. Whoever wrote that, didn't do ALL OF THAT by accident. Because an exec or a producer who doesn't see the flaws in old supernatural isn't going to write it that deliberately.

Let's bring it back to s10 when Charlie was killed (singer was mainly to blame). Dead in the bathtub, age old classic of burying ur gays. If you were here you know people never let Supernatural live that down. THEY KNOW what bury ur gays means. Hell, Robbie Thompson left because of Charlie's death and you think the writers don't know what it means? I mean both Bobo Berens (especially) and Steve Yockey's careers are centered around LGBT+ storytelling and you think they don't know? They know. They know.

And Dean wasn't just apart of the bury your gays trope, it is so far BEYOND that. Dean being killed on a rusty nail/screw, the tongues ripped out, things that seemed to be meant for other people. Jensen's acting in the last two episodes was giving us "DEAN RECIPROCATES" but no one ever actually saying it. I think it's clear that Dean was killed for being Bi. They didn't address it for a reason, they just silenced him. His narrative was supposed to be about letting him be HIM for the first time, to say what his feelings are instead of having them miscommunicated, and instead of doing that, they just silenced him. And the more we look at this scene the more horrific it gets. The more it's a complete slap in the face and it's supposed to be. Some guy who knows nothing about the LGBT can't write a scene this horrific.

Some guy who knows nothing about Dean couldn't write a scene that deconstructs all of Dean's character development and gives Dean his worst nightmare. I MEAN DEAN WANTED TO LIVE HIS LIFE! THEY DIDNT HIDE THAT JOB APPLICATION (or whatever job related thing that was) IN THERE FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES THEY WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST SITUATION. Dean isn't Barney from HIMYM. If you watched HIMYM then you'll know Barney went from being a stereotypical ladies man and treating women terribly to being in love with a women and treating her right and working hard for it. The last episode of HIMYM (why its so bad) Barney's character development is thrown out and he's back to being a stereotypical ladies man. You don't need to know Barney's character very much to do that.

To kill Dean during a hunt his father never finished, to not have anyone at his funeral, to have Dean die young like his life didn't matter. Those are Dean's worst fears and you'd only truly know that if you watched the gin episode in s3, where they are basically laid out for you. You HAVE to know Dean's character to tear him apart like this.

This episode took all the core elements of the show and did a complete 180° the name of the episode itself is "Carry on" and Dean and Sam very much did not carry on. Sam grieving his entire life so that he good get to heaven and see Dean again. Dean being ready to live his life, despite the enormous pitfalls and learning to love himself only to be killed. "Family don't end with blood." Um.... it did in that episode either literally with Dean's death or you know BECAUSE NONE OF THEIR FOUND FAMILY WAS THERE. Not Jack, Not Cas, Not Eileen, Not Donna, Not Charlie, Not Jody, Not Claire... on and on we go. No one was there, nobody was even mentioned. Dean's funeral, no one even called that we know of. It was just Sam and Dean. Sam and Dean. And Bobby. Don't forget Bobby. But yeah Sam and Dean.

That's what the show is about right, the brothers.

Except it's not anymore. It hasn't been for years.

Cas not being there was deafening but it brought us to a major point. Becky. Becky's telling us about the terrible ending.

And many of us are wondering why would they literally tell us this is the worst ending and then... make it the ending.

Now before we move on, it very apparent many of you think Dabb doesn't ship Deancas. And Dabb doesn't care about the characters.

Say what you will about any plot holes in his writing, the point he is VERY GOOD at writing the characters, and giving us good ones.

Why do we know Dabb ships Deancas? (ill say when its cowrote, other wise its not) cowrote ep 8.02 - purgatory "I prayed to you, Cas, every night" "Cas, Buddy, I need you." "I have a price on my head, and I've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you." 8.08 Hunteri Heroici - Cas helps them hunt! 😊❤ Dean & Cas have a serious convo about why Cas doesn't want to see/go to heaven. 8.22 Dean's mad at Cas. Sam's explanation of why Dean should be easy on Cas: "It's Cas." Dean then points out how he'd knife anybody else if they did what Cas did. 9.10 - Cas comforts Dean when Dean can't take seeing Sam (Gadreel) being tortured anymore. Also tons of Cas. 9.20 (bloodlines) - Canonical couple parallel "I was there, where were you" 9.22 The angels make Cas choose between them and killing Dean and he "gave up an entire army for one guy" 10.09 Claire's reintroduction. Cas heavy ep. DeanCas date. 10.22 THE PRISONER - u know the ep where Dean beats the shit out of Cas but loves him enough to not kill him.

We COULD keep going but I think I've made my point. If Robert Singer is the guy that is like "the show is about Sam and Dean only" Andrew Dabb is the DeanCas shipper. And you could even say a Cas stan.

Notice! How in s13 for SEVEN episodes we have a story that revolves around Dean's grief about losing Cas. Notice! How often the stories in all these seasons have a focus on their relationship. THAT is Andrew Dabb. If it weren't for him doing that, we wouldn't be able to easily say after Dean's lack of a response to Cas' confession, that Dean reciprocates.

To me, when I was (binge) watching s12 for the first time, I thought damn this is really got a lot of DeanCas. So I went to look at who was in charge, who was writing. I saw Andrew Dabb, associated him with Deancas episodes, saw all the new writers, Bobo, and then I saw that Yockey is known for same sex stories and it clicked. Dabb assembled a team to give us Destiel. THAT WAS IN SEASON 12!!!!!!!!

The amount of people saying he's homophobic flabbergast me. Open your eyes! That isn't what's going on.

Imagine making a show and trying to right all the wrongs of Supernatural. Imagine trying to write the greatest love story ever told and you have the entire season planned out for it to end off beautifully, it may possibly be your greatest achievement when it's done and then boom. someone comes in and tells you you aren't allowed to make Dean bi or make destiel endgame, after he was most probably already given the go ahead.

Sure. You could imply he's bi or into cas still in a way. Still make nice-ish ending. just give everyone what the kinda want.

Or you could scrap the last season, nothing close to a canonical bisexual Dean Winchester or Deancas endgame in site. People can be done with it be happy with the show, continue to live their lives in ignorance as to how close they were to Canon destiel.

OR you can lead everyone to the very closest you can get them to what you were aiming for and then show everyone the ugly truth and reality. Light it all on fire. Burn the show to the ground in your wake. Try your darnedest to making these people's (the people saying no) pockets suffer. Show us, the audience, what happened. Show us what this show really is.

I've seen people talk about the ending being changed during covid but I dont think that happened. I think what happened was Dabb already had this season planned out before it even started. Obviously the details were wobbly but it was all lead up to this ending. Destiel endgame, Canon Bisexual Dean, whatever it was. They were ready to write the greatest love story ever told and then someone shut it down.

Imagine the pain that must have caused them to be told no when they already said yes. They must have been so excited to give this to us.

I think someone (some producers) told him what this show is "really" about. The brothers. Can you imagine, after being told no, some kinda bullshit like this is said to you: "Why aren't you bringing it back to the brothers, Andrew? that's what the shows about. What with all this homosexual stuff, you know the audience won't like that. Not really." Imagine the original producers pushing this kind of view on you. "You know when we started it was Sam and Dean. It should end with Sam and Dean." That kinda sounds like someone huh? huh.

So why give us a nice acceptable finale, when you can take every problem Supernatural's had either up front or behind the scenes and create a finale so incredibly bad that people don't want to watch it anymore.

Someone made a good point about how Sam was originally supposed to be the main focus (this isn't to put any hate on Sam or Jared). Dean and Sam are the main characters but Sam was supposed to be the focus and for Dean to have become the focus, must have annoyed the producers because... well here we are. They wouldn't listen to Jensen. The producers liked this ending. Jensen's opinion didn't matter to them.

In some ways, if this is really what happened, it can be seen as childish from Dabb. To hurt all of us like that. Yes, he's hurting the producers, the execs, the cw. But to hurt us? Yeah it stings.

But in other ways, if this is really what happened, this is Dabb showing us the muck and gunk under the shiny surface. The hate for Misha. The hidden hate for Jensen. The underlying sexism. The underlying homophobia. The people REALLY in charge don't care about us, they just want our money. He needed to open our eyes and free us, at least free the people that he was writing for. The people he sees that care about this show.

This is the ending the powers that be wanted and its a big fuck you for a reason. I dont think this is Dabb spitting in our faces for loving this show, I think this is him trying to get revenge for us.

But from here, you can see it how u want it. If this is really what happened, I'm not in charge of your emotions, if you wanna be mad be mad if you wanna be grateful be grateful. And you don't have to believe me either I said this is speculation.

Also, as for all of the rumors like there being shots to the confession scene that we didn't see, which Jensen himself implied, I think that might have been a last ditch effort to canonized DeanCas but obviously it was cut. Like the name change was pretty clear. As for Misha possibly having shot some stuff for 20 I dont know what to tell you. If it's true I dont know where the blame would lie.

I do think however, that if all this was the case, the writers were prepared to become villians here. I mean they told us the writers were villians with Chuck right? So. Who knows what went down so they could give us such a vile ending. It could've been the producers or the writers, who truly knows. I do think tho that people we "trust" did some pretty shitty things to push the narrative in certain directions so now one would see this as the actual ending that was coming.

So again do with my SPECULATION what you will. This was in no way meant to put Dabb on a pedestal or anything. Just meant to give a bit of perspective.

(Also Jensen didn't unfollow Dabb recently he was already unfollowed for years)

[writingtoforgetreality]

Blind (Sam Wilson x Reader)

[Marvel-Masterlist]

Summary: You had to attend one of Sharon’s parties in Madripoor. Which left you no choice but to wear one of her dresses. The one she suggested for you made you incredibly uncomfortable. After all, you were not really happy with the way you looked.

Words: 2,681

Warnings: language, angst, fluff, insecurities, self-esteem issues, struggles with body image, if one of these warnings trigger you please DO NOT read!, take care of yourself <3 you are so damn beautiful!, TFATWS spoilers, REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated! ❤

“(Y/N)? Can you come over real quick?” you heard Sharon yell from the other room. Following her voice, you entered her bedroom where she was waiting for you.

“What’d you need?” your head tilted to one side. The others were getting ready for the party & you still hoped you could somehow avoid your attendance. Being surrounded by tons of drunk people was not necessarily your favorite activity.

“Found a dress for you.” she pointed to her closet where a beautiful gown was hung up. The colors were not too bright, subtle enough to blend in but still stand out. It was short enough to gain others’ attention but not too short to be mistaken for a cheap chick. Long story shot: it was gorgeous. And that was where the problem began. While the dress itself looked fantastic, you knew that you would not live up to it.

“No.” was all you said. Sharon’s eyebrows perked up.

“No? What do you mean “No.”? You don’t like it?” she was confused because she could imagine you looking flawless while wearing this dress. Yes, she was aware that you were not the biggest fan of getting all dolled up. But then again, the few times she had seen you do that, you were owning everything & anything.

“It’s pretty.” you smiled a little. “Just, not my cup of tea, I guess.” you shrugged, trying to hide the fact that you were lying to her face right now.

“Bullshit.” she scoffed. “I chose this one because I knew you’d love it. I know you better than that, (Y/N).” she eyed you up & down. Sighing loudly, you took a seat on her bed & put your head in your hands in frustration.

“Do I have to attend?” you muttered, silently hoping she would let you ditch the party.

“Please tell me you’re not being serious…” Sharon crossed her arms over her chest, body facing yours as you still somewhat hid yourself.

“What’d you need me for anyway?” you threw your hands up in confusion. “Like, you got Bucky, Zemo. Hell, you got Sam. You won’t need me.”

“Hmm.” she hummed as she observed you more closely now.

“What now?” you questioned exaggeratedly. Standing up, you approached the dress & brushed one of your hands over the material gently.

“I see where the shoe pinches.” Sharon stated & you turned around, eyebrows furrowed.

“Yeah? Where? ‘Cause I don’t know myself.” you bickered. Why could she not just cut to the chase?

“This is about Sam, isn’t it?” she asked casually & you almost choked on your own spit. Coughing to cover it up, you straightened your back to regain your composure.

“What has a stupid dress to do with Sam?” a dumbfounded expression made its way onto your face. Sharon shook her head & chuckled at your obliviousness.

“You still haven’t told him, huh?” her eyes locked with yours & you hated how your heart skipped a beat just because she called you out on that.

“Haven’t told him what?” you decided to play dumb for a while longer. Sharon rolled her eyes at you & sighed out loudly.

“That you’re in love with him.” she made it sound like a straight up fact. Your eyes focused on your shoes, not being able to face the woman in front of you any longer.

“Love is a pretty strong word.” you chuckled awkwardly. “Besides, a minute ago we were talking about the dress you picked out for me.”

“So you’ll wear the dress?” she smirked at you enthusiastically.

“Really? Did you just say that to get me to agree on that?” your finger pointed to the robe. The only response you got was a simple shrug. Sharon then turned around & left you alone. Alright, message received. You had to start fixing up your appearance. Though you were not sure if your efforts were even worth it. No matter what, you were sure you would feel insecure the moment you put on that dress.

When the struggles with your body started? Well, you could not exactly remember a time when it was not there. Maybe it was because you had always been surrounded by people much prettier than you. More popular than you. More liked than you. Only when you became a part of the Avengers did those feelings disappear a little. As a superhero, nobody cared about your look as long as your abilities were good enough to save the world. Your team did not know about any of this, of course. After all, it was your own mind who played tricks on you. No one but yourself could be blamed. So when you looked in the mirror & saw yourself wearing that beautiful dress? It was not beautiful anymore. Not on you. Not when you were the one who showed it to the world. Or to the people in Madripoor. You knew you should not care about other people’s opinions. But you were your own worst enemy. And your mind told you the exact same things that the others thought. The only thing you noticed was how wrong it all looked. How your body was not good enough. Not for yourself & not for anyone else. And definitely not for Sam. Not that you were into him or anything. Even if you were, he was literally the most handsome man you had ever laid eyes on. He could have anyone. So why would he settle for someone like you? He deserved so, so much more. So much better.

“(Y/N)?” someone’s knocking brought you back to reality. “Can I come in? It’s Sam.” oh no. Would he laugh at you when he saw you like that? Possibly.

“Um…Just-Just a second.” you yelled & searched through Sharon’s closet in hopes to find some sort of coat to cover yourself up as much as possible. Jogging over to the door, you shakingly raised a hand to the doorknob, twisted it to one side, & opened it with a tiny creak. Peeking out, you found Sam in a black turtleneck. And damn, he was hot. Unfortunately, you were not successful in finding a jacket so you were left in the dress only. Hence why you only opened the door a crack.

“You gonna let me in or…?” Sam teased, a smirk playing on his lips.

“S-Sure, sorry.” pushing the door further open, you turned around right away, too scared to watch his reaction.

“You look gorgeous.” his comment made you stop in your tracks. Sure he was lying. It was simply something you said to co-workers when missions like that were on the agenda. Spinning around, your eyes met his, the smirk replaced by a sheepish smile. Almost like he was uncomfortable talking to you. Of course he was. After all, he just lied to you about your look. But it was nothing new. You were used to it by now. Shaking off the bad thoughts internally, you coughed quickly & continued your conversation.

“You don’t look too bad yourself, Wilson.” you winked & were surprised by how well you actually handled this situation.

“Sharon said she picked out a dress for you. Said you weren’t really feelin’ it.” he stated & you raised your eyebrows. God, Sharon could be a pain in the ass sometimes.

“Uh-huh.” you hummed, hoping Sam would drop this topic. But he did not.

“I’d say you slay it.” he came a little closer but stopped when he noticed you taking a step back.

“You’d be the only one.” you mumbled to yourself. It was too quiet for him to understand you which was why he spoke up again.

“What was that?” one of his eyebrows raised but you brushed him off with a wave of your hand.

“Nothing…” you said monotonously. Clearing your throat, you directed the conversation to the upcoming party. “You guys ready?”

“Um.” Sam shot you a curious look but you ignored it. “Yeah, we can head there now.”

“Good, I’ll come in a second.” your back faced him.

“You okay?” something was off about your behavior & Sam could not tell what it was. It was uncommon to see you so shy & uncertain. Usually, whenever you were on missions, you were a badass, not letting anyone tell you what to do. Now, though? It was like a different person was standing in front of him. Someone who was incredibly uncomfortable. Trembling hands you desperately tried to hide by hugging yourself. Failing to keep eye contact. Voice cracking when you talked to him. Something was wrong. And he knew he should let you be for now. Seemed like you needed time to yourself. So he exited the room without another word.

Loud music, people shamelessly grinding on each other without a care in this world. Alcohol, you figured. Alcohol did that to people. Sharon was next to you, in a corner where nobody else decided to head off to. After all, the dancefloor was the main attraction. Your insecurities were acting up. Constantly pulling down your dress to avoid showing too much of your thighs. Sharon noticed but did not comment on it. Your arms were crossed over your chest, hiding your upper body inside the gown. Whatever you were doing, you wanted to hide. Unfortunately, a coat did not go well with your outfit. So that left you with basically no material to cover up. The woman next to you excused herself when she detected a familiar person in the crowd. Nodding at her, you took the chance & made it out of the party only a second later. Heading outside where the cool breeze grounded you a bit. You hated yourself so much right now. You hated your body. You hated your dress. You hated Sharon for choosing an outfit for you. You hated the loud voices in your head that told you that you were not good enough. Not pretty enough. Not lovable. Your appearance was by no means pleasing. You knew that. And this stupid dress underlined every insecurity you had.

A coat was put over your shoulders & you could not help but flinch.

“You’re shaking.” it was Sam who found you out here. Immediately, you calmed down when you noticed that it was only him. The comfort of his jacket brought you warmth. And it gave you an opportunity to hide more of your skin. Win-win situation. Leaning against the cold brick wall, Sam joined you a moment later. Your face did not meet his, though. Wilson would notice something being wrong with you. He knew you too well.

“I’ll head back inside in a minute.” you assured him but he had none of it.

“You’re gonna tell me what’s wrong now?” Sam’s head turned in your direction but you kept your gaze straight forward.

“I’m fine.” it came our harsher than you meant. Closing your eyes, you sighed because Sam did not deserve your rudeness at all.

“Sure thing. And I enjoyed Smiling Tiger’s favorite drink.” he replied sarcastically & managed to lift the corners of your mouth a little. “Talk to me.”

“I’m just being stupid.” shaking your head, you scoffed at yourself. Usually, you were better at hiding such things.

“It ain’t stupid if it bothers you that much.” Sam pointed out. Your head turned to face him & you had a hard time finding the right words.

“Just…” your hands gestured wildly but ended up at the hem of the material hanging by your thighs.

“The dress?” he asked & you nodded. “What about it?”

“Ugh.” you threw your head back. “See, I’m being stupid.” his hand grabbed your wrist gently when you wanted to head back inside.

“No, wait.” his voice was softer than before. “What’s up with the dress? It looks great to me.”

“It is. Great, I mean. Just not on me.” your rambling could not be stopped & before you knew it, you were spilling the beans to Sam. He was taken aback by your declaration.

“Wait…Is this the problem here?” he gestured to your figure & it took everything in you not to break eye contact. “(Y/N), you’re absolutely stunning in that dress.” there was sincerity behind his words but you could not hear it right now. Hugging his jacket a little closer, you hoped Sam would stop staring at your body so intensely.

“Could you stop? Please.” he almost did not hear it but the night in Madripoor was calm. All that could be heard was the muffled beat from the party.

“Who the hell made you think like that?” Sam started growing angry. Not at you but at whoever managed to plant these thoughts into your head. Shrugging, you averted your gaze from him.

“I mean…it’s kinda obvious, isn’t it? Look at all those beautiful people, Sam. I could never compare to them. Never. My body…i-it looks awful, I know that. That’s exactly why I never wear shit like that.” you pointed to your dress, scoffing lowly. “I wish I didn’t look like that. I wish I-“ Sam, being done with whatever you were saying, interrupted you.

“Listen, this is what you’re not gonna do.” he stopped briefly to gain your attention. Only when you looked at him again did he continue. “I don’t know why you see yourself in such a bad light. I don’t know because to me, you’re the most beautiful woman in this damn universe. And it hurts when you talk so bad about yourself. This…” he stepped closer, resting both of his hands on your waist, squeezing lightly. “This is perfect. There’s nothing wrong with you or your body. What can I do to help you see yourself the way I see you?” the last words were whispered. Your eyes widened at Sam’s confession. Sure he was drunk. Why would he tell you all of that?

“Stop that.” you tried pulling away from him but he would not let you. No, he only hugged you closer to his body so your chests were pressing against each other. “Sam, I’m being serious.”

“So am I.” he wasted no time with his response. “When I saw you earlier today in that dress? Damn, I didn’t even know what to say.” he chuckled to himself at the memory & you could not hide the small smile spreading on your face. That was the point where he knew he had you. “But, you know, duties. Couldn’t skip this party. But I wouldn’t have minded skipping it.” Sam winked at you.

“I don’t know what to say. I-I don’t know if I can trust you. Not when it comes to this.” you were completely vulnerable in front of him. Sam then realized that words were not going to change your way of thinking. And he could not change your way of thinking in one night. What he could do, though, was making you feel gorgeous. With simple actions, compliments, looks. And he made it his job to succeed with all of that. His hands came up to cup your cheeks, thumbs brushing over your soft skin delicately. He was slow with his movements, giving you enough time to lean back if you did not want this. But you wanted this. And the look in your eyes was enough confirmation for him to press his lips against your own. The kiss was not what you expected it to be. You always thought that the first kiss you two shared would be passionate or heated. But this one? This one was filled with so much gentleness, so much emotion, so much admiration that had you weak at the knees. Sam smiled into the kiss when he realized you melting into his touch. To him, you really were someone special. To him, you were the only person he focused on in a crowd. You were it for him. Now, he just had to convince you that he was the one for you, too. But it was a challenge he gladly accepted. If it meant that he got to have you, he would do anything.

Published (04/18/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @bibliophilewednesday, @wanniiieeee (thanks for your support <3)

[aerialflight]

Fic Recs (cause it's always nice to give a shout out and get people into things I'm into rn)

[The Magnus Archives] (I recently finished the podcast and I fell into a hole for a while so here you go)

Sing a Song of Sixpence by Kaiel

Ship: Jon/Martin

In which Jonathan Sims is a Siren, and he fails to notice any new abilities granted to him by the position of Archivist. Or really anything about the Entities at all.

Takes place in season 1 featuring Jonah Magnus’s slow decent into madness

(The new mythology interwoven with tma's worldbuilding is so freaking good and I love how all the characters change and develop because of these changes. Also, f you Elias)

Along Came a Spider by Dribbledscribbles

Ship: implied Jon/Martin

Sasha James is the Archivist, as expected. Martin Blackwood is menaced by Jane Prentiss, as expected. Elias Bouchard weaves his web, as expected.

All goes as it should.

At least until something calling itself Jonathan Sims steps in.

(Web!Jon in this makes me want to weep, it's so freaking good. A pretty long, very excellent oneshot on what could've happened if Jon got taken by the web when he was a kid. And Sasha as the Archivist is ALWAYS so cool, we love her in this house.)

A Break in the Clouds by Ash_Rabbit

“I’m eight.” the kid sniffs as if eight was any different from four, maybe not an unspeakable horror then, just a regular horror. “And I heard that the Magnus Institute deals with-” his little nose scrunches, cute. “-spooky things.”

“Do you have a-” he cracks a grin, and then rethinks it as small hands tighten against their burden.”-spooky thing to deliver?” gods he hopes not, it’s bad enough when adults walk in and lay out all of their baggage, but for a child-

“There’s a spider in this book.” the kid says solemnly, raising his textbook sized parcel. “It ate Evan Pritchard.” a bloody fucking Leitner. Of course an eight year old would find a murder spider book. “This seemed like the best place to bring it.”

(I never thought about what the Original Elias could've been like AND NOW I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT BECAUSE OF THIS FIC. I LOVE HIM, HE'S COMPLEX AND HE CARES AND JON CARES AND THEY BOTH CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER. THIS IS THE CONTENT I WANT, OMG. Also, Jon being even smaller than usual is adorable, so cute. No wonder Elias wants to hug him, a LOT.)

See the Line where the Sky meets the Sea by The_Floating_World

Ship: Jon/Martin, Jon/Oliver Banks

When Jon is a child he looks into the infinite abyss of space. The Vast looks back into him.

(One of my all time fave fics in this fandom, no questions asked. I have reread this three times and am open to doing it again, god. Vast!Jon, such a concept. It's written so beautifully and the relationships Jon develops, so good. ugh. My heart. Please please read.)

Sweet As Roses by Prim_the_Amazing

Ship: Jon/Martin

“Come in, Martin,” he says, not looking up from his notes.

“Hi, Jon,” he says, and Jon stops writing at the sound of his voice. “We’re out of the green tea, but we’ve got lemon?”

Jon looks at him. Martin smiles at him in his usual tentative way as he sets the mug of tea down on Jon’s desk. Heat spikes so sharply in his gut that he twitches with it.

“Thank you, Martin,” he says, mouth dry, and he stands up.

“Oh,” he says, sounding almost surprised. He smiles again. “No-- no problem-- um, what are you--”

Jon takes Martin by the shoulders, leans up on the tips of his toes, and kisses him.

(You have no idea how much I howled through this fic, my god. *buries face in hands* The number of times I wanted to cry from sheer hilarity and horror reading this good lord.)

Things Could Always Be Worse by theOestofOCs

Ship: Jon/Martin, Georgie/Melanie

Sometimes, the most horrifying thing of all is what might have been.

Somewhere, Jon could swear he heard a crowd laughing.

Or: in which Jonathan Sims is forced to swap places with his alternate self—a tall, chivalrous hero extraordinaire, who knows neither fear nor nuance—and is sent to the aggressively straight alternate universe the Magnus Archives was never meant to be.

“Whatever place this is,” Jon announced, “I just want to be sure it knows I hate it.”

(I will say this once, THIS IS THE MOST CURSED THING IVE EVER READ EVER. Like holy hell. I can't believe this thing exists. please read it oh please please please)

-

[Supernatural]

heard from your mother (she don't recognize you) by Schmuzz

Ship: Dean/Cas, Jessica/Sam

A man named Cas wakes up in 2003 with no memories, but he's able to piece together a few things:

1. Supernatural creatures exist, and most of them will hurt innocent civilians if he doesn't stop them; 2. He has abilities that no human hunter should have, but he knows enough about human hunters to keep that to himself, and finally; 3. He keeps running into another hunter named Dean Winchester, who seems to be about as lonely as he is if he's willing to put up with those former facts long enough to help Cas unravel the mystery of who (or what) he really is.

For his part, Dean's still (not) dealing with Sam's departure to Stanford, and figures distracting himself with a bit of mystery and intrigue is as harmless as it gets, right? Right.

(THE fic I'm most into right now, been following this from the very start and it's AMAZING. Cas has agency and is making friends and S1 Dean is growing out of John's influence and is becoming a Person and the both of them first being friends then more. The slow burn as their relationship develops, SO GOOD. SO SO DAMN GOOD. *screams* Seriously one of the best spn fics I've read in a long, long time.)

anamnesis by cenotaphy

Ships: Castiel/Dean, Sam/Eileen

Chuck is depowered, Jack is the new god, and the world is free. Dean and Sam get into the Impala and chase down the miles on an endless highway, and their story is finally, finally their own to follow. At least, that's what Dean tells himself. But the diners and motels and painted interstate lines are blurring together and the smallest details keep catching at his brain like tiny fishhooks and he can't quite shake the feeling that not everything is exactly as it should be.

* Fix-it/alternate series finale. Canon-compliant through the end of 15.19.

(THIS IS THE FIC THAT GOT ME THROUGH THE FINALE OKAY. WHY COULDN'T THIS HAVE BEEN CANON. It's Disturbing and honestly plot-wise this makes more sense. Why couldn't we have had this. *screams*)

-

[Avatar: The Last Airbender]

where the stars do not take sides by WitchofEndor

Ship: Sokka/Zuko

When Azula is nine, she becomes an only child. She hears the Fire Lord call for Zuko's life, and in the morning, her mother and brother are gone. Azula may be young, but she isn't naive. She knows what happened to them.

Which makes it all the more surprising when Azula tracks the Avatar down and fights his group of peasant friends, only to find herself staring into an eerily familiar face.

(The fact one of the tags in this fic is, "Sibling Dynamic: Fucked Up But Wholesome" should give you an idea what this fic is like. Chaotic as HELL and I just love Azula here, she loves Zuko so much in her messed up way and Zuko loves her back in the exact same way lol. It's batshit and I am Here For This.)

-

[Naruto]

Eclipse by AislingRoisin (JayBird345) for HybrisAnaideia

Ship: Nara Shikaku/OFC

"In life, it's easier to remain stagnant and wallow in your troubles. But life isn't merely about continued existence, nor is it meant to be gone through alone."

(This is a fic that's slept on and I NEED people to read this. A self-insert fic that I find really interesting in its approach and the worldbuilding for the post-third war shinobi world is fantastic. I feel like there's a certain pattern with self-insert fics, not that is a detriment in any way to how much I enjoy them, so this fic feels fresh to me in a way I haven't read in a while. I am waiting eagerly for this to get updated! Please read!)

On Freedom and Other Formalities by iaso

Ship: Kakashi/Genma/OFC

When push comes to shove, Hiwa Inuzuka doesn't go down easy. Reborn into a new, dangerous world? She puts her past life as a spy to work. Thrown into a war? Hiwa does her duty, for Konoha. And when she's forced into an arranged marriage? All there is to do is beat them to the punch and get married first. Thankfully, Genma Shiranui is willing to lend a hand. Literally. SI/OC

(Listen, LISTEN, it's about the slow burn, the longing, the communication (it both has and hasn't and isn't THAT great??), the messy way you fit three very different people together, it's so freaking good! Also, Kakashi is so Chaotic here this is my fave characterization of him, you can't change my mind. And Genma is a Good Boi who is Doing His Best, along with the Self-insert character who I LOVE SO MUCH, SHE'S FANTASTIC FNEIWOPAF. Sped past this fic in the speed of light, I could not stop reading!)(Honestly, read all of the author's fics, they're all really REALLY good!)

Building a Castle by WhisperingDarkness

Without needing anyone to tell her, Sakura knew that talking to someone no-one else could see or hear would make her weird. It would draw the bad kind of attention to her, something people could make fun of her for.

She didn’t like being weird, but she did like the voice. Her inner voice was helpful and it was a part of her that had always been there. The idea of it not being there would have been so much weirder than anything else.

It was during her first year at the Academy that Sakura realised the voice was not in her head at all, but that it came from a cloudy shape floating next to her.

(Basically a short-ish retelling of Hikaru no Go. Only with more Shogi and Nara and Ninja's)

(Sakura can see ghosts (I'm noticing this is a popular trope for her) and it's really cute haha! Her relationship with Tobirama is sweet and I just enjoyed reading this so much.)

-

[The Magicians]

So Long (And Thanks For All The Books) by IncompleteSentanc (Erava)

Ships: Quentin/Eliot, James/Julia, Quentin/Margo/Eliot

When Quentin is told Julia wasn't admitted to Brakebills, he realizes he has a drastic decision in front of him. If he tells Julia about magic, he'll have his mind wiped as well as hers. But he can't just leave her behind, either. He can't lose his best friend, and he can't let her life a life with her magical potential stolen away from her.

So he makes a third choice.

(Really, and I mean REALLY well-done canon divergent fic, this is the Quentin & Julia friendship fic I have been looking for forever. It explores so much of what could've happened and I just love Quentin here, I really really do. Characterization done so right. I also recommend the author's other works too. Been a follower of them for a long time, they're great.)

-

[Game of Thrones]

The Road to Victory by writing_as_tracey

Too late in preparing for the Night King and the Long Night, the last stand at Winterfell is close to falling. Bran takes desperate measures to ensure victory, and Jon, Sansa, and Arya pay the price for it in a time unfamiliar to them, on the cusp of another war. [GoT, time-travel fix it]

(I swear, this fic made me laugh so many times, all the Stark are BAMF and fantastic, and Rhaegar gets Wrecked lol. It's crack btw, and the plot goes in directions you'll never guess and it's amazing hahaha!)

-

[Haikyuu!!] (I am very very late to the fandom but here I am)

Ballare (To Dance) by MidnightSparks

Ship: Iwaizumi Hajime/Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru, and platonic Kageyama & Kentarou (really love their friendship)

Kageyama’s first love is volleyball. His second, however, is ballet.

In one world, Kageyama Tobio is left behind by his parents. In this world, the existence of soulbonds keeps Kageyama’s parents in Miyagi and leaves Kageyama in the care of his grandma and grandpa.

(In which soulmates exist and that changes everything and nothing at the same time.)

(*buries face in hands* I have fallen for this ship so hard and I can't get out fudge me. I understand now. Their DYNAMICS FIEWONPAF)

Kings of Tomorrow by bokubroya (liarielle)

Ship: Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru

On the eve of Tobio’s 16th birthday, he counts down the seconds to midnight, and emerges with Oikawa Tooru’s name on his wrist.

It’s been two years since then, and Tobio thought they had an understanding. A silent, never spoken about understanding that this thing between them is nothing, and they’re going to pretend it doesn’t exist.

Of course, it’s just like Oikawa to change the game and leave Tobio wondering what comes next.

(I am WEAK for soulmate fics between these two, I don't even really like soulmate fics half the times what is WRONG WITH ME-)(Please suffer with me, I'm begging you. Its a good fic, thumbs up.)

-

[Crossover]

Honey and Magic by JustARatherVerySillyWriter, White_Squirrel for Super Carlin Brothers

Fandoms: Matilda (yeah you read that right), Harry Potter

Everyone knew Matilda was a rather extraordinary child, but even she didn't know she was a witch. Matilda Honey receives her Hogwarts letter in the year of the Triwizard Tournament, and soon, she will leave her unique mark on the magical world.

(Do I even need to explain how amazing it is to have Matilda in the wizarding world? And Matilda is a HUFFLEPUFF AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL THIS FIC IS GREAT PLEASE READ!!!)

An Eye for an Eye by DpsMercy

Fandoms: The Magnus Archives, Welcome to Night Vale

In which Jonathan Sims is not from the UK but instead, if you took his origins and turned them sideways twice then flipped them over, he technically would be from the US, the town of Night Vale specifically. Elias can’t do shit about it and gets a headache and slowly creeping madness instead.

(Look, I know probably everyone has read this because if they haven't, what have you been DOING with your lives??? Jon interning at Night Vale is Incredible, nothing phases this man, it's Delightful. I laughed so many times reading this, I'm not even kidding right now. Read or perish.)

The Favour by R_Cookie

Fandoms: Harry Potter, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Ship: Original Percival Graves/Harry Potter

Percival is ten years old when his grandfather tries to tell him that he's ensured the greatness of the Graves legacy for him, that he ought to be eternally grateful - but the explanation is hijacked by a stranger who manages to intimidate Chester Graves with an ease never seen before.

or: Hadrian (Harry) Potter is the Master of Death, who grants Graves a boon. Nobody could have known that the Deathly Hallows didn't turn you so much into the 'Master of Death' as into the anthropomorphic personification of Death. And so, Death becomes Percival's guardian angel, and Percival does not spit out his cereal.

(Look, I don't know how I stumbled back into the FBAWTFT fandom either, it just happened and I'm grateful for that. Otherwise, I wouldn't have found this amazing fic. Their relationship is slow and strange and I just love how Percival is characterized here. Also, one of the tag promises that it deviates from canon so I am really, really excited for that! XD)

baby that's what i do by natanije

Fandoms: Naruto, Katekyou Hitman Reborn!

"Are you telling me," Hidan exclaims, incredulous, "that you collect money all this time to give to orphans?!"

Kakuzu pauses. He blinks a few times.

"Huh. I guess I do."

(Tsuna reincarnates as Kakuzu and it's HILARIOUS. HE'S SUCH A MOM HAHAHA)

[mittensmorgul]

As Above, So Below

I’m still trying to pinpoint exactly why the focus on “heaven is fixed and actually a paradise now!” is just so deeply unsatisfying to me. And I think I need to preface this with a bit of backstory about me, because I think that gives the rest of this essay some relevant context.

I know this isn’t relevant to my main point here, but this is a metatextual and thematically identical example of the exact thing I’m gonna lay out, because context is always helpful. So please forgive this seemingly irrelevant detour, because I promise it will be relevant by the end.

(plus, would it really be an Essay By Mittens™ without at least one baffling tangent? no, it would not!)

Tangent time!

I think everyone that follows me knows how skeptical I was... or should I say how WARY I was of the way Eileen was returned to the narrative this season. We were warned in the PREVIOUS EPISODE how much Chuck was attempting to interfere in their lives. I was accused of some very nasty things, of hating the ship, or hating the character of Eileen, or of hating Sam and not wanting them to be happy. No amount of pointing at obvious warning signs in the text, no amount of yelling about Sam’s God Wound or the absolute klaxon warning that the wound had become “quiet” and his Chuck-O-Vision Nightmares had apparently stopped seemed to matter. I was declared “wrong” and told to shut up.

And then 15.09 happened, and basically everything I’d been wary of was shown to be what actually happened, but there were still unresolved issues. Eileen doubted her own feelings and walked away. She doubted what was actually real. And at the time, I said many times that I would be thrilled to see those issues resolved by the end of the season, and for her to truly know that what she’d felt growing between her and Sam was real. And by the end of the season, despite my personal horror at her previous situation (and having that personal horror compounded by the fandom literally gaslighting me and attempting to bully me into ignoring this basic actual plot detail of this specific growth process which... in the context of what my personal objection was to accepting her return at face value in the first place having been personal trauma associated with gaslighting and manipulation...) by the time 15.18 aired, I was 100% convinced that Sam and Eileen had fully chosen each other, and felt the traumatic pain Sam suffered during that text conversation with her during the snap. She NEEDED to come back, because she had been set up to be part of Sam’s Win. They were clearly each other’s future.

The show literally put in all the work to make even *me* feel this to be True and Right and Good. And then after that point we never even hear Eileen’s name again. We never were told that she was even returned at the end of 15.19. Sam, who had been so entirely devastated by her disappearance in the previous episode that he couldn’t even process it was apparently hit with an amnesia hammer and just... never even thought about her again through a long greyscale life with a blurry baby Dean factory vaguely in the background of a single scene of his life. I can’t credit or justify how after an entire year invested in making us all truly care about Sam and Eileen and the happiness they found in each other if only the cosmos would allow them to choose each other in the end would just... erase all of that in the series finale.

Which brings me to the second tangent, which is specifically about *me,* and how I feel about the cosmic order in the television show Supernatural. Because I feel a lot about it. Probably more than most people ever did. And this is also important to understanding the main underlying point I need to make here.

Something I’ve been most looking forward to, for YEARS, about Supernatural eventually ending someday was writing a book, or a thesis, or even just organizing and compiling all my observations into a cohesive narrative specifically about the cosmology of the Supernatural universe. I’ve been cobbling together my observations and realizations about the nature of heaven, hell, purgatory, the empty, the alternate universes we’ve seen, and yes, even the cosmic function of the mundane level of the story as told by events that transpired on Earth. So of everyone watching this dumb show for the last 15 years, I don’t actually know anyone who cared more that I did about finding a satisfactory resolution and transformation of every plane of existence-- the mortal world AND the “afterlife realms” we’ve experienced on this show. And in the wake of the finale, I feel cheated out of that. Because in the end, it wasn’t about the triumph of free will and a flip of the script, it was just more of the same.

And now that I have those two preliminaries out of the way, I’ll finally get to the point. :’D

(hooray, it didn’t even take 1k words to get there for once!)

The “main stage” of Supernatural has always been Earth. It’s always been “Humanity.” At the very start, we meet two men whose lives had always been dictated to them by higher powers. At first, that “higher power” was their father who raised them in his vengeance mission, who trained them to hunt the supernatural. It was the inciting incident of the entire series, after all, their realization that forces outside of their control had irrevocably altered the course of their lives. It had forever torn down what they’d trusted in family, in personal safety, and would become something they couldn’t outrun or fight back against for long before another wave of cosmic discord would settle over them once more.

We watched this story play out in ever increasing spheres of cosmic significance, until Gabriel laid it out on the table for them in the simplest possible terms (in 5.08).

GABRIEL: You do not know my family. What you guys call the apocalypse, I used to call Sunday dinner. That's why there's no stopping this, because this isn't about a war. It's about two brothers that loved each other and betrayed each other. You'd think you'd be able to relate. SAM: What are you talking about? GABRIEL: You sorry sons of bitches. Why do you think you two are the vessels? Think about it. Michael, the big brother, loyal to an absent father, and Lucifer, the little brother, rebellious of Daddy's plan. You were born to this, boys. It's your destiny! It was always you! As it is in heaven, so it must be on earth. One brother has to kill the other. DEAN: What the hell are you saying? GABRIEL: Why do you think I've always taken such an interest in you? Because from the moment Dad flipped on the lights around here, we knew it was all gonna end with you. Always. A long pause. SAM and DEAN look down, then at each other. DEAN: No. That's not gonna happen. GABRIEL: I'm sorry. But it is. GABRIEL sighs. GABRIEL: Guys. I wish this were a TV show. Easy answers, endings wrapped up in a bow...but this is real, and it's gonna end bloody for all of us. That's just how it's gotta be. ***

And isn’t that all even 1000x more painfully ironic that it all still happened even 10 years later? It was always going to end with them. And lol, “I wish this were a TV show” because if it was then it wouldn’t have to end bloody.

But this… was a Major Acknowledgement that the meta level of this story was consistent, and was telling us something important. It demonstrated that the Cosmic Structure Itself was the cause for Sam and Dean’s “destiny” in this story. But that’s not what the point of this story has ever been.

Nobody (including me, who is literally obsessed with this aspect of the story) has ever invested themselves in the narrative of Supernatural because they cared about the fate of the cosmic order over and above the fate of the characters who had committed to overthrowing it all, to “tearing up the pages” and writing their own destinies. I mean, we became invested because Sam, Dean, and Cas as characters took us by the hand and invited us to come along with them as they battled against fate for the good of EARTH and HUMANITY.

And certainly, Heaven being a horrific sort of eternal replay of the “highlights” of individual souls greatest hits, where free will didn’t apply as everyone was just boxed away into their individual holodecks to serve as some sort of giant Heaven Battery powering the furtherance of this narrative, this “cosmic order” that had become so powerful it dictated the events and manipulated the lives of people who still existed in the ostensible realm of free will and human life on Earth… that couldn’t stand in the end. But what the narrative (and people I’ve seen attempting to justify the finale as narratively sensible) seems to have forgotten was that all of that was Chuck’s construct to begin with. That without Chuck holding his kingdom in Heaven together, the walls of all those soul cubicles ceased to even be relevant.

After spending their entire lives to this point constantly fighting their way to the absolute pinnacle of the As Above, So Below narrative and pulling the plug on the original creator himself, Humanity should’ve triumphed. And I’d argue that it DID, through Jack restoring the missing essential “humanity” to the divine condition. And, silly me, I thought they’d achieved the promise of “paradise” heralded by Jack’s birth at last, and truly “flipped the entire script of the narrative.”

Ever since they thwarted the original apocalypse, I had hope that they would continue to achieve the same result right up the ladder. Metatron trying to fill the role of Chuck Junior hit his own narrative wall in TFW, while Dean’s battle with the Mark of Cain, and Cain telling him he was “living my life in reverse” and would succumb to destiny by killing his loved ones in the “reverse order” to Cain’s own path to downfall cemented this for me. Dean not only failed to kill any of his loved ones (you didn’t kill your own brother. why?), he SAVED them. He didn’t fulfil the prophecy in reverse, he subverted it. He UNMADE it.

Perhaps I was thinking on too grand a scale, that the ultimate inversion wouldn’t be “God is overthrown and replaced by more of the same,” but “God is overthrown and the entire order of the universe is restructured from the bottom up rather than the top down.

I’d hoped against hope that the conclusion of the narrative would be “As below, so above,” with the fundamental power of human love becoming the new foundation of the cosmic order. It never even occurred to me that “taking back the narrative to rewrite it for ourselves” was not the ultimate goal of Team Free Will, or the ultimate expression of their biggest win.

This whole “well heaven really needed to be rebuilt, there was still work to be done!” seems… irrelevant to me if they’d truly won free of the cosmic narrative. The entire structure of the universe-- including Heaven and Hell-- should’ve defaulted to the paradise state that Jack was literally born to bring to fruition. Wasn’t that the point of his entire role in the story, ultimately?

And if that wasn’t the case in the end, why did we never learn the fate of Hell? Was it just… irrelevant and unchanged after this? Or just… abandoned as a concept entirely? It’s just strange to me to put such a focus on heaven being the sole sphere of import in the end that it undercuts the essential humanity of the narrative for me.

The story itself had kept Heaven on a back burner for years, only occasionally mentioning that the structure of the place was falling further and further into disrepair with a dwindling force of angels struggling to keep the walls in place at all, that it seems like it could’ve been an afterthought at the end of the series rather than a focus so large it required the death of both main characters to make sure we all understood that Heaven Had Changed Now. Because TFW had never been fighting to make Heaven right. They’d been fighting to save the world itself, for humanity to all have a chance to live their lives as their own.

And we didn’t need to see that in the final hope they might get their own lives on Earth to explore. In the end, the fundamental narrative that Life On Earth was dictated by the cosmic structure of creation was never fully subverted. And for me, that’s the main reason I just… can’t accept the finale. It wasn’t a victory of free will and humanity, in the end it was just more of the same.

I appreciate the attempts to take the essential bones of the story we did get and apply a different polish to the surface of the skeleton, but to me it still feels like we’re looking at completely different beasts in the end. Like… to me this was as jarring a revelation as those drawing of modern animals reimagined as dinosaurs entirely based on their skeletons. Like, all along the narrative told me I was looking at a swan. They told me this skeleton they’re building out from is definitely a swan, without a doubt.  I know what a swan looks like-- a graceful feather-covered bird with magnificent wings. I trusted that in the end it would be at least remotely swan-looking. And then the finale ended up looking like this

and I just don’t even know where everything went so wrong. Or maybe all along I just assumed they actually knew what a swan looked like, but weren’t sure they could actually pull it off and settled for whatever the heck this is instead. Either way, I’m actually kinda grateful to the finale for being so entirely disappointing on every level, because otherwise I probably would’ve tried to adopt the monstrosity of it anyway. And I’m really, really glad I don’t have to.

[dickgrcyscns]

Play Pretend

Play Pretend, Steve Rogers. Based off of the prompt “Go on then, tell me you don’t love me”. 

Summary: In which you had been hiding your feelings for a super soldier for quite a while, and he was getting tired of waiting to hear you say you liked him. 

Set During: AU

Word Count: 1813 words

Gif used not mine!

“Morning everyone,” You came into the compounds kitchen with a smile, taking a seat on one of the breakfast bars stools. Steve placed a cup of coffee in front of you, smiling back. That was his way of greeting you in the morning. And every time you looked back up to him with a shy smile, a warmth spreading across the apples of your cheeks. 

“Morning Y/n,” Tony took a sip of his coffee, taking a glance between both you and Steve.

“Morning Tony,” a smile rested on your lips, taking a sip of the coffee Steve had given you. “How’s the suit redesigning going?”

“It’s tedious,” Tony smiled. “But it’s coming along pretty well. How’s working in the lab with Banner?”

“We’re working on this really cool biochemical theory right now, I’m interested in seeing how it’s going to play out but I have a good feeling about it! Otherwise it’s just a lot of paperwork and making sure all of the files are in their correct places. Which reminds me,” you pointed at Steve, “it’s about time for your bloodwork again.”

“Again?” Steve let his head fall back, the mug of coffee he had been carrying up to his lips long forgotten.

“Well, we have to make sure you’re well, Cap,” you laughed lightly, sipping on the coffee. See you had only joined the Avengers at first because of your background in medicine, but then you kind of accidentally showed them that you have powers that allow you to either kill or regenerate cells in an instant. You kind of, maybe, became a full member after that. But when it came down to the basic lab work and doctorly things, you were always happy to do them. You loved everything around that type of work. Getting to draw blood and analyze it, trying to see if anything had changed. It was like a mystery waiting to be solved and you loved that. 

“She’s right icicle,” Tony quipped. “Can’t have you dying on us Cap. Especially Y/n here.”

You felt your cheeks go warm when Tony nudged your shoulder, your eyes rolling as a laugh fell from Steve’s lips. See, it would have been funnier if Tony wasn't telling the truth. Steve had become such a big person in your life, you had almost no idea what you would do if he left. A part of your heart was owned by him and he didn't even know that. “Geez,” you muttered, “thanks Tony.”

“Anytime,” Tony winked back in response. “I’ll be in the lab, you two don’t mess up my kitchen, okay?”

“Tony!” Your cheeks flushed, giving the billionaire wide eyes before he walked out of the room with a smirk rested on his lips. A huff pushed past your lips as you turned towards Steve, trying to reconcile the situation. “I’ll uh, I’ll be down in my lab if you need me at all. We can do the bloodwork tomorrow.”

“Yeah, okay,” Steve nodded, setting his mug down onto the counter as you got up to walk away. You pulled your hand up to your lips, nervously biting at your fingernail. The thought of Steve knowing — of Steve finding out how you feel freaked you out. Now, listen, you had a lot of things going for you but subtlety was not one of them. But Steve had never said anything and that was enough to calm your nerves. You didn’t want to lose him — you couldn’t afford to lose him. That’s why you had never told him how you felt. You had gotten so used to playing pretend, part of you began to believe you enjoyed it. That hiding a secret was fun to you. 

Settling into your lab, you let out a short sigh. Your lab was a place you were never afraid to be in, pulling off your coat and placing your hair into a ponytail effectively pulling it from falling in front of your face. A smile rested on your lips, a pen tapping on the papers you had just began to fill out. Your favorite song played lightly in the background, only adding to the smile on your face. Mumbling the lyrics to the song, head nodding along, you continued to analyze your past labs and samples while taking notes. This was the place that you had all of the control, something you couldn’t quite say you had in the normal day-to-day life as an Avenger. So many things were left in the air; how would a mission end, would you end up having to heal people that had become your family or would you end up using your powers to harm people in ways you tried not to think about?

But when it was just you, in your lab, you knew how things would go. You knew the songs that would play and you could almost guess how the labs would come back. Out in the field, you were working on pure adrenaline, in your lab, you were working on caffeine and intelligence. You got to sit back and think about things, not having to worry about the time it would take or what could be lurking around the corner. Your friends had noticed it as well, Natasha and Wanda loved to sit in the lab with you. Something along the lines of you having better conversations when you were in the lab. Every now and then, one of the Avengers would come running in with a small cut they got during training (or even in Bucky’s case, the one time he was trying to cut an onion and cut his hand, you didn’t ask any questions as to how a former assassin cut himself with a knife) asking you to heal it. And you would do it with no questions asked. 

That’s the exact reason as to why you rolled your eyes at the knock on the doorframe of the lab, looking over to see who it was standing there. Steve smiled over to you, raising an eyebrow as a way to ask if it was okay to come inside with you. You nodded, putting your pen down when he closed the door behind him. “Everything okay Steve?”

“Hmmm?” He looked over to you, rubbing his hands together. “Oh, yeah, everything’s okay. I just figured that you could take the blood sample today? I have training tomorrow for most of the day.”

“Of course,” you smiled, standing up to grab what you needed to draw his blood. “Have anything you want to talk about? Most of the team uses this time to ramble on about their issues.”

“That’s got to be a lot to deal with,” Steve’s brows furrowed together. 

You waved him off, “I enjoy it. Everyone needs a person to vent to, might as well use this time to ramble on about something, you know? It’s nothing we haven’t heard before or expected, either. A lot of the times they’l rant about the missions and things that went wrong. Bucky will complain about something Sam did or vice versa, it’s great when they’re both in here at the same time.” The words continued to run from your lips as you grabbed the supplies you needed. Steve’s laughter filled the silence once you stopped rambling. 

“What about you, doll? Do you take this time to rant about anything?”

“I’m more of a listener,” you shrugged. 

“So am I,” Steve raised a brow. “I’m not backing down from my spot either, so it looks like you’re just going to have to talk.”

Eyes rolling, you began to draw Steve’s blood. “What is it you want to hear about?”

“Anything,” Steve looked like he had a quick thought before a mischievous smile made its way to his face, “your love life maybe? Out of everyone on the team, you always keep quiet when people talk about their escapades.”

“If I’m remembering correctly, so did you,” you promptly added in.

“We’re not talking about me,” Steve muttered, pink dusted across his cheeks. “But for your information, I’m not seeing anyone.”

“I’m not either,” you felt your cheeks warm up. “Yeah, that’s about it for my love life there Steve. Nothing too fun.”

His hand went up to brush against your cheek, “You know, Tony’s comment earlier had me thinking.”

“That’s dangerous.”

“Are you in love with me?” Steve’s question caught you off guard, making you stand still in the middle of the room. A small vile of his blood rested in your hand, that was the only reason you kept a grip on the situation. Putting the vile down on the counter next to you, you turned back to look at Steve with wide eyes. His lips had been pushed upwards into a smile, “Go on then, tell me you don’t love me.”

Those words came out just as you opened your mouth, about to say something about how you weren’t in love with him. It closed wordlessly, your tongue resting between your teeth, blinking a few times. To be completely fair, you were normally much more relaxed in your lab. You figured that’s why Steve brought it up while he was in there. But you couldn't help your heart that quickly began to beat, the sound ringing in your ears as fear took over your sense. No matter what you said in that moment, your little charade was up. You couldn’t hide behind a mask of not being in love with Steve Rogers. Not when he knew. You could tell. The smile on his face, the look in his eyes. There was no escaping it. 

“God I hate Tony.”

“I don’t,” Steve muttered. “I wouldn’t have figured it out if it wasn’t for him. And it makes it a bit easier when you realize the girl you have feelings for, feels the same way about you.”

You blinked a few times, did he just say what you thought he did? “So, you mean, I’m confused.”

“I love you,” Steve placed a gentle hand on your cheek, placing a kiss on the top of your head. “Always have, Doll.”

“I,” you muttered, “I love you too.” He pulled his lips off of your forehead, your head leaning onto the hand he had pressed against your cheek. You glanced down to his lips and back up to his gaze. 

“Y/n,” you nodded in response to him calling out your name. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yeah,” a smile formed on your face as he pulled your face closer to his. Your lips melded together, it was full of longing. The two of you had been so in love with each other, yet never acting on it. In that moment, you felt it all hit you. All at once. 

Maybe playing pretend was a stupid move after all. Sometimes, you just have to trust that leap of faith. 

[kidney9-9]

November Bet Part 3

@hollandlover19​ asked:

Oh my god I fucking love November bet🖤🖤🥵 Can you make a part 3 where y/n is cockwarming peter cuz she knows he misses being inside her and they just stay like that for hours cuz he’s so relaxed and it makes him sleepy 🖤🖤🖤🖤

Aw thank you very much! And thank you for sending this in! I hope you enjoy it. Please read the warnings. Everyone is above legal age :) Masterlist is tagged in bio.

Part 1 Part 2 

Peter Parker x Reader [Smut] Warnings: unprotected sex (please protect yourself with the devices you feel most comfortable with), cockwarming and swearing Word Count: 1.8k

It was one of the best days that Peter could ask for, with you hanging out with him on for the weekend. The two of you rarely left the room after discovering that both Sam and Bucky lost the challenge. Peter could feel his smile widening again, just thinking of that day again, wanting to relive it, except for that pain. He just wanted to be with you, in you again. And by the way you shivered, standing close to him, he could tell you heard him.

“Peter,” You paused, grinning back to him playfully as he swung his head to your direction, reaching for your hand again. He nodded, wanting to hear what you were going to say.

“I missed it too. There’s something that you might be interested in?” You proposed, leading closer to the question you’ve been wanting to ask him for some time. You knew that Peter would love the idea, but you were just nervous about bringing it up, because it was out of the ordinary for you two.

“What is it babe?” He whispered, knitting his eyebrows to you as you let out a small nervous laugh, letting go of his hand and stepping away from him, leading him closer to the bed. You shrugged for a moment, turning around to pat the bed’s wrinkles away as you thought for a quick second about how to say it.

“I- well have you heard of cockwarming? It’s basically where you just stay inside of me, even after coming. I understand if you’re not comfortable with it, it’s just a random idea, because I know this month was sort of hard- I mean difficult for us, by not being together.” You rambled away, glancing over your shoulder to see his reaction.

Peter felt his jaw drop, already up for the idea. Yeah, he’s heard of it before, and woah, was he interested in it. He glanced down to your ass, blushing as he thought about the idea over again. It made him want to melt in desire, having equal amount of sex, and cuddle time. It was great.

You bit your lip, stopping yourself from smiling as you felt the flow of his thoughts traveling around, increasing in loudness. That meant he was very interested, and you stood back up completely, turning around to face him.

“Yeah! I’m down for it!” Peter answered after he realized how long he was silent for. You laughed slightly, shaking your head, wanting to make sure again. It was different, you weren’t sure how long either of you would last.

“Mm, really? I don’t want you to be uncomfortable again.” You explained, stepping closer to him. Peter nodded instantly, wanting to go through with the idea. He leaned down to kiss you to confirm it, and you sighed into the kiss, tugging him closer by wrapping your arms around his neck.

He nodded again into the kiss, stumbling forward as your knees buckled, causing you to fall back onto the bed. You broke the kiss with another laugh, before sitting back up, grabbing onto his pants. You undid his belt as Peter started to mumble, “I’m so lucky to be with you, fuck.” You raised your eyebrows up at him, feeling the exact same way.

You could sense his thoughts leading into a more dangerous horniness, causing your arousal to build up. You were so thankful you had a vacation right now; you’d rather be here than anywhere else. Just as soon as you tugged his buttons, undoing them, he helped you, leaning down and hopping out of his pants as fast as he could.

He collapsed onto you with another kiss, wanting to just touch you even more. His hand slid under your shirt, causing you to gasp at the feeling. You broke the kiss, wanting to get out of your clothes as well, and wanting Peter to get out of his too. You bit your lip as you concentrated just for a moment, ripping your clothes from your body with your powers and causing Peter to yelp in surprise.

“I’ll never get enough of that – it’s so cool!” He exclaimed, giggling as you rolled your eyes playfully back to him. With the focus on him now, you tugged the shirt off, causing his hands to go up into the air, making sure you didn’t hurt him.

You shifted yourself further onto the center of the bed, before spreading your legs causing Peter to gulp. “How do you want to do this? You have to promise me you won’t move.” You whispered, making Peter’s eyes glance back up to your face instead of your legs.

He tugged down his boxers completely, and kicked them to the corner of the room, revealing his boner. He flushed heavily as he thought of an answer, distracted by your body. “I- I’ll sit down, and you can sit on me.” He responded, nodding as he got onto the bed.

You smiled back to him, sitting back up as he positioned himself back onto the pillows, and you swung your leg over to the other side of his figure. He shuddered, feeling your heat travel throughout his body as you leaned up, pushing your body against his.

You kissed him deeply, causing him to whimper when you blindly found his cock, twirling a finger on his tip teasingly. “Mm, I’m so ready for you.” You whispered, pulling away from the wet kiss. Peter sighed in desire, hand drifting down your back, before settling on one of your ass cheeks.

He pinched your ass slightly, and you pouted back to him, “What did I do to deserve that?” The question made Peter laugh, and you bit your lip watching the big smile on his face, how he already developed so much sweat.

“You ready?” He murmured after quieting down, and you nodded back to him, leaning back to his nose again, kissing it with a small laugh. You shifted your hips slightly, as he helped align your pussy with his cock.

You slowly started go down, gasping his name as he entered and Peter squeezed onto your hips, and you could feel bruises forming already, from the sensitive skin. He grunted, breath stuttering as you finally took his cock all in and leaned down to lay on his chest.

“Oh fuck…” He sighed, realizing how hard this would be. He couldn’t help the unintentional juts of his hips, or how you would slowly move your head, he would feel your pussy squeeze around him. And you felt so much as well, you could feel every part of his cock in you, and when you accidently clenched, you wanted to cry out in lust, the slowness of your orgasm coming just from small movements.

He breathed heavily as he wrapped one of his arms around your back, cuddling even more with you. The warmth of your pussy, causing his cock to feel even harder than ever in you. “I like this a lot.” He whispered, twirling small circles on your skin.

You hummed back to him, with your head on his chest, gazing across from you. “Me too, it feels so good – but so,” You paused, thinking of the word, “Loving.” You finished.

Peter smiled, “Yeah, it does. But also – I can’t move just a bit?” The question made you chuckle, causing movement to flutter in your pussy, and you both moaned. You shook your head no as a response, feeling the same amount of relaxation and desire, when you started to unclench completely in a comfortable position.

After around five minutes, you felt yourself clench up, purposely, now feeling itchy and just ready to fuck him. Peter gasped, feeling the squeeze of his cock. “You sure we can’t move?” He breathily laughed out; his pupils blown out as desire never left his body.

You responded with another shift, slowly lifting your body back up and sliding down on his cock. “I mean, I feel like we should.” You explained, in an innocent voice, knowing he would grab back onto your hips any second now. Peter chuckled in return, but stopped when you raised your hips again, rolling down onto his cock.

He thrusted upwards instantly, groaning loudly in relief, and his cock twitched in you. You whimpered his name, and Peter swore out loud, thrusting again and again. He gripped your hips, and your hands were down on his shoulders, riding him fast and hard.

“Oh fuck, you’re always so good to me, babe.” Peter grunted out loud, and you cried out something incoherent, as you felt him hitting your g-spot. You started to focus again when you heard one of his thoughts, and your eyes widened at it.

He still wanted to try out cockwarming, and you bit your lips, happy that he was still down. But as you listened more, you could hear him speak your name out loud, “I think I’m going to come.” He shuddered, and you nodded, feeling close to your end too.

That was one of the perks to your powers, being able to connect your body with his in a way, where you feel his emotions, especially the lust. It was amazing. You moaned loudly as you rolled yourself down, feeling his cock reach even deeper into you.

“I’m coming,” You cried out, gasping for air as you felt yourself gush around him, Peter continued thrusting into you, now with uneven spurts of energy. He continued just as he started to come, feeling him soak inside you, and you sighed from the lovely feeling of being stuffed with his cock and cum.

“Ooh fuck me… You’re incredible.” He groaned loudly, head hitting against the board behind him. His eyes were closed, and you watched as he struggled to breathe at an even pace as his come spurted out into you, slowing down now.

You felt yourself lay onto his chest almost numbly, from all the intense feelings. You could feel his cock softening in you, and you sighed out at the feeling of his cum and yours mixed on your thighs. Peter hummed quietly, setting a hand on top of your back, feeling exhausted but happy.

You could feel him slowly fall asleep after the next hour of just whispering sweet and loving things to each other. You shifted, groaning when you felt his cock twitch at your movement. You knew when he woke up, he’d be up to having sex again and so would you. But for now, you kissed his chest softly, feeling the sweat dripping from your skin and onto his.

His chest raised and lowered, and you found yourself moaning at the slightest of moves, clenching your pussy on accident but finding more pleasure. You tried not to move now, instead you laid on his chest, happy that he was feeling better today.

You really missed him. You could tell he missed you too, as he squeezed you tighter in his sleep. Your eyes fluttered closed when you finally felt the sleepiness hit you, it must have been a few hours by now, when you noticed the feeling of the sun was gone.

Just as you were about to fall asleep, you heard a drifting thought from Peter, “I want you.” You smiled softly, knowing he was dreaming of the two of you.

[twilightdruig]

why did it have to be me?

pairing: bill weasley x fem!reader, slight ron weasley x fem!reader

summary: (part 2 of mamma mia! series) after y/n’s intimate night with ron, she’s off to greece in search for her destiny and future. too bad she misses her boat.

warnings: mamma mia!au, muggle!au, alludes to sex, reader has mommy issues

words: 1.8k

a/n: unedited!! , this is the second part of the mamma mia! series, next is sam aka donna’s 3rd lover. hope you enjoyed this!

y/n successfully snuck out of the small hotel room of ron weasley. the two shared an intimate night only a few hours ago and here she was leaving for greece.

she arrived at the pier, met with a short, bald man who was checking for their tickets.

“hey” she slid her ticket and id into the booth he was sitting in. he looked very uninterested and drowsy.

she sighed before the ticket man inspected her ticket and id. “you grew your hair. it’s longer now.” he bellowed with a french accent. it reminded her of fleur a bit who was full french.

“it is a bit. yeah.” she sighs, looking back at the boat she was supposed to be in “we could totally talk about that but, um, i’m kind of in a hurry. the ferry leaves any time now and this trip’s very important, you see—“

“i prefer it shorter.” he retorted.

the ferry departing the dock now. y/n felt as though her destiny was departing with it.

the ticketman stamps her ticket and gives it back to her. before he knows it she was running, trying to catch the boat who wasn’t at the dock anymore.

“wait! wait!” she cried out, not caring about half of her wardrobe falling out of her trunk “please! don’t. oh, god!” she dropped her baggage and felt like she wanted to drop dead as well.

she was about to before she heard another person behind her.

“this is great.” she turned around to be met with yet another ginger man. this one was tall, had a few scars on his face, had a (what looked like) a shark tooth necklace and a black earring. “i’m just gonna follow you everywhere. by the end of the day, i’ll have a whole new wardrobe.” he laughed.

this brightened up her mood a little bit. this man, quite attractive as well, holding multiple of her clothing items and was laughing.

“i don’t think that’ll suit you” she tilted her head and giggled.

“oh trust me, love. i can make this work” he winked before trying to put her clothes ; specifically a two piece top, on his muscular body. he was different from ron. he may have been ginger as well but this one looked cool, earring, long hair, leather — no, snake skin? boots, he was lanky and almost the exact opposite from ron.

“ugh,” she groaned “i really wanted to catch that ferry”

“i’m sure there’ll be another one tomorrow” he assured.

“thanks.” she turned her head back to him while smiling sarcastically.

he jumped to another boat. a private one. y/n wondered, maybe this was his. he wouldn’t mind taking her to wherever she was going right?

“right, uh… but what would be really great… today, not tomorrow… is if, uh, somewhere in this harbor there was a guy.” she tested the waters.

“young, tall, dashingly handsome?” he interjected.

“he’s probably passive-looking, but… he has a boat.” she continued.

“and a couple days free before he takes part in a sailing race.” he was swinging by one of the ropes now.

“so maybe, maybe. he can take me where i want to go?” she urged, rolling on the balls of her feet.

“he’d love to” he consented, grinning.

“but, the… um, sad fact is… this-this isn’t my boat; i just wanted to impress you” he finally stood still, trying to act serious, until he chuckled.

“oh, okay” she was about to turn around and leave, before she even got to that she heard fits of laughter coming from the man.

“i’m kidding!” he waved his hands in the air “hop on, i’m bill”

she scoffed and laughed. she jumped on the boat, put down her things and tried to get comfy.

bill led her to where the beds were. “i actually have an elderly relative on the island who helped me buy this beauty.”

she nodded as he explained.

“well, it certainly is a beauty” she ran her hand over the details of the small boat.

“thank you” he pretended to tip a hat.

“well, there are two beds down here. unfortunately, one’s a little bit… full” he gestured to the certainly full bed against one side of the small room.

“huh… convenient” she rolled her eyes.

“well i’m lucky this trip isn’t long enough for you to shatter my heart into pieces” he teased.

“ugh” she moaned “i get it. i’m attractive and charming” she winked.

he paused before talking again “you’re one of them” he smiled.

her face contorted into a look of confusion “one of who?”

“there are two,” he put two fingers up “kinds of seducer.”

he paused again, “first doesn’t actually like women, so he wants to assert his power and dominance over them. second one, far, far more dangerous, is the guy who falls in love every morning just to fall out of love the next.”

she chuckled at his explanation.

“but as you run away, you tell her you’re the one in pain and she’s just too much for you to handle” he smirked.

y/n was trying to tidy up the bed she will supposedly sleep in.

before she could actually get any work done bill pulled her back up to the deck.

“bill!” she exclaimed then giggled excitedly.

bill played some music on his radio before the two started dancing on deck. technically, he told her to while he steered to wherever they were going.

multiple minutes or hours passed. she couldn’t tell how long it has been. she had been talking and giggling with him for way too long.

what y/n was unaware of is that her most recent ginger boy toy (before george) was on the harbor trying to catch the boat he thought she was on.

ron rushed the ticket man to scan his ticket and check his id. “your hair. it’s short now”

“well… yes, i had to cut it for work” he politely smiled, slightly shaking from nervousness “uhm… i wonder, could you hurry up a bit? uh, you see i’ve followed a girl all the way from paris. she wrote me a note. a very kind note… saying goodbye.” he sighed.

when the ticketman didn’t reply, he continued “but, when you’ve found the only girl you’re ever gonna love, it’s gotta be worth one more try! don’t you think?”

“it’s better short” the ticketman returned his things. ron ran off to the edge only to find the boat far from the pier.

ron felt helpless. he really liked loved this woman. he really thought he had a chance with her.

back to the boat where y/n and bill were bonding, “you’re really funny, you know that?” she complimented, “and you’re very attractive… and charming” he complimented her back.

“listen… we only just met”

their faces grew hot and they were nearing each other’s, noses bumping against one another, just about to kiss until a faint yell was heard from a distance.

“hey! help!” they heard a masculine voice who sounded like they were drowning.

“do you hear that?” she pushed him away.

“what? no. that was um.. a seagull now, where were we?” he pulled her close to his chest once more.

“anyone on that boat?! help!!” the voice yelled again.

“there it was again!” she pushed his chest to see where the gurgled voice was coming from.

he groaned “we’re coming!!”

“hi!” y/n greeted. she found a man on a still boat.

“just checking to see you’re not in danger, which you’re obviously not, so… we’ll be off” he tried tugging her arm but she wouldn’t budge.

“uh.. my engine is not working” the man gestured to the non moving vehicle.

“oh, that is bad luck” bill scratched his head “i-i’ll radio someone for someone to come and help. they should be along soon.”

“bill.”

“please, please!” the man pleaded “there is a woman waiting for me on main land. her family, they not want her to marry simple man like alexio. they want rich man. ugly, big, fat, mole but rich.” he frowned “but she… she want me. and i love her with all my heartness” he smiled at the thought of his lover “please help, kind sir and beautiful lady”

y/n laughed “well obviously we’re doing this” she turned to bill.

they turned back to alexio “yes” they said at the same time.

they sailed for a few minutes until the saw dry land and a few people waiting on it. men in suits and a lady in a white wedding dress.

“i see them. okay, everyone, we’re nearly—“

“apollonia!!” alexio yelled, cutting off bill’s sentence.

bill went to speak up again until alexio jumped off the boat “apollonia!!!” he yelled again.

“woah!” bill was surprised by the man jumping off. y/n was just laughing on the floor.

“what are you doing? we could get you closer” bill roared with laughter.

“if you love someone, you’re willing to die for them!” his voice was gurgled as he might’ve swallowed water.

“apollonia” he yelled again.

“alexio?!” she turned around “alexio!” she started running to the edge of the pier, ready to jump off.

“aah! apollon..!” his head dunked underwater.

“he’s just swallowed a big mouthful of water, but the basic point he’s trying to make is that he loves you!” bill screamed for alexio.

“what?” she screamed back.

“he loves you!” both y/n and bill yelled. both of their throats getting sore.

“apollonia!” alexio screamed for the umpteenth time.

apollonia jumped into the water in her wedding dress, trying to swim to her unrequited lover.

faint and distant ‘apollonia!’s and ‘apollonia no!’s came from the men in suits she was previously with.

“apollonia!”

“alexio!”

“oh god, i don’t think she can swim either” he began to take his own shirt off.

“well, she’s wearing a dress”

bill couldn’t hear her when he already jumped in the water to save the couple.

bill dropped them off at the second nearest dry land, away from apollonia’s relatives.

—

sooner or later, they arrived at y/n’s destination. the island of kalokairi.

“hey,” bill grabbed her attention once more “you sure you’re okay here?”

“yeah” she smiled at him “i’ll be fine”

“i’ll come back after the race” he reassured her “although it wouldn’t be for a few weeks, but i do promise to come back.”

“look at this place” she gushed “it’s so beautiful”

“it is, yeah.” they admired their surroundings while nearing where bill would drop off y/n.

“what? what’s wrong?” she noticed his expression.

“storm’s coming” he murmured. this worried herself. but all that worried faded when she noticed the clear sky.

“shut up, it’s a clear sky” she rolled her eyes.

“trust me,” he paused “actually, don’t”

“but i know i’m right. i’ll still be fine. i got a very good feeling.”

“bye, bill” she hopped off the boat, dragging her trunk on the wooden floor.

“see you soon, yeah?”

“yeah. thanks a lot too!”

“anytime, love” they waved at each other until bill was out of sight.

[thatdoctorharvey]

Flowers?

All I have to say is; I’m sorry.

Kudos to @soft-bois-make-me-simp for assisting with the idea. Don’t worry man, we can collab on another story!

Please listen to this while you read this!

There were only three times that Harvey would remember enjoying flowers. He usually wasn’t one for them, not because he was allergic or anything, he just didn’t find the reason to desire them.

Roses are red

The day he first knew he had feelings for you. He always said it was the best day of his life. He will never forget that day; the day you brought him wine on his birthday. You two had occasionally spoken from time to time, but it was really nothing super deep. You had opened up to him about a few things that you hadn’t told anyone else but not super personal. Mostly just little quirks you hated about yourself. He remembered blushing every time as everything you named seemed to be things he liked.

“So, how about a birthday dinner tonight Harv? I’m sure you can’t remember the last time you had a real meal.” You offered.

He was reluctant to answer at first, not wanting to be a bother, but he did hate his current diet and knew he needed to change it up a bit, even if his stomach might not agree with the sudden change from pre-packaged meals to home cooking.

“That...Sounds nice. Thank you.”

And boy was it nice. It was quite obvious you knew that he needed real food because you made more than enough for him just to make sure he had leftovers. He almost felt bad but you had insisted he needed it. You both knew it would be gone tomorrow. You secretly knew, he -- as a man -- had quite the appetite and had held back eating as much as he could with you around.

You left late that night, but left behind some flowers you had grown on the farm. They sat in a vase on the table, right next to his radio equipment.

“Feel free to get a hold of me if you need anything Harvey. Doctors deserve to be taken care of as well.”

Those words never left him. “Doctor’s deserve to be taken care of as well.” You cared about him and actually wanted to make sure he was doing okay. As suspected, you two grew closer after that. He started to become a lot more anxious but never made a move. 

What if you only wanted to be friends? That would be super awkward…

Violets are blue

The day you gave him the bouquet, he cried. Never had he felt so relieved and excited at the same time. You like him. No, you loved him. You. The precious farmer.

“A-are you sure? I’m so much older a-and there’s so many oth-”

“Harvey. I’ve made my choice.” You kissed his cheek. “I don’t want anyone else. They just aren’t my type.”

Fifty shades of red his face was. There was no denying that for sure. He was a tomato and a strawberry at the same time.

He’s never hugged you so tight either. Even when you brought the pendant to him (he was more gentle then). He just wished the flowers in the bouquet didn’t wilt. Joys of having live flowers though.

That and every month, you brought him a new bouquet. Not the exact same one, but you had started growing flowers specifically to make bouquets on your monthly anniversaries. 

My heart is dead 

The bouquets continued, even after marriage. Now, you just added an extra day and made sure the bouquets on your wedding anniversary were extra colorful. It was how you showed him how much you loved him.

He adored this. A lot. It always made his day, even if the day was actual garbage. Coming home to you was always enough to make him happy, but coming home to a bouquet on the table, dinner being cooked, and the sound of you humming...Oh it just made his heart melt. Even after almost five years of it.

They always reminded him of the wedding -- the last time he recalled loving flowers. You had made sure your bouquet was the brightest thing in existence, jokingly saying you wanted the attention to be on that instead of your face. He still scolds you for that. Playfully of course.

I'm such a fool

He couldn’t recall when things started to go downhill. Things had been okay for so long that he didn’t see it at first. He knew you were busy so he never thought much of it when you would come home late.

Until you started coming home drunk.

There were times he would wonder where you were or why you were drinking...But for a while, he didn’t think to ask who you were drinking with. When he found out you and Shane had been growing closer, he got jealous. He knew you wouldn’t leave him, but the anxiety started to build. You were starting to pass out drunk on the way home or you and Shane would fall asleep at the bar.

Of course, he had to confront you about it. Not in a mean way, at least he thought he didn’t.

“It’s not okay for you to be doing that? Do you know how bad that is for you and how bad of an influence he is?”

Wrong answer.

“You don’t even know him. You just cared about making ends meet and didn’t really listen to him.”

Why did I fall for you?

He was grateful you had started to listen to him after that. You came home at night sober, but you began to distance yourself. In fact, you had begun to hang out with everyone but him. You stopped making the bouquets. You stopped giving him gifts. It soon came to a point where he felt like you wanted nothing to do with him. He felt empty and felt he had to make it up to you.

He messed up right? He could fix this...He had to.

I gave it all for you

Dinner every night was a pain, but he did it. He always made sure yours was hot, even when you came home at 1 am. He would be there, taking it out of the microwave. Dishes were always done. The house was always clean and very tidy. Farm was always taken care of. He really worked his ass off to make sure you were happy.

But it wasn’t enough.

You kept pushing yourself further and further from him. It eventually got to the point where you slept on the couch just to avoid him.

It was when he found the letter on your nightstand that he knew there was no fixing this.

So, knowing he wasn’t welcome, he packed his stuff and went back to his apartment above the clinic. Maru, who Harvey had been talking to about everything when things started to go south, helped him get settled back into his old home. She was the one who held him when he cried that night and she was the one who made sure he ate something before bed. She even told him to let her know if she needed to work more at the clinic, not wanting him to be pushed too much.

He was appreciative, but knew his work would be the only thing that would take his mind off of you.

Love around my neck starting to feel like the noose

The words lingered in his head for days. Every sentence filled him with hurt. What had he done wrong? Was he really that boring and unattractive? Should he have just given up at the beginning? Did you ever really love him?

Why did this happen to him?

He lost weight from his loss of appetite. He knew it was unhealthy, especially when people began to notice, but he always said he had started to work a bit harder to get physically fit and the results were starting to show. He didn’t want anyone to know how hurt he really was. Maru knew, and if it weren’t for her, he wouldn’t have eaten.

He numbed himself to relationships of any kind. He once was very close with his patients, now he just saw them as his next visit. Even with Maru. He only saw her as an employee.

All of the lies starting to feel like the truth

He began to drink. He knew it would hurt him more, but his heart hurt all the time. He had no one to turn to when he really needed to talk, as everyone was asleep by then...But not you. You were always awake. He would hear you stumble out of the bar, laughing with at least one other person. You were drunk too, but you got to enjoy your time. He didn’t.

“Why me?”

At the end of the day, bitch, I'm not feeling you

After so long, he began to get used to the sound of you going home drunk. In fact, it worried him when you didn’t.

It started as just one night, no big deal. But then two...three...seven...twelve…

People began to look worried. No one had seen or heard from the town’s dear farmer in nearly two weeks.

The search parties started. Being himself, Harvey made sure to go. Yes, you hurt him, but by God what he would give for you to just run back into his arms and say how much you love him.

You playing with my heart, you made me look like a fool

He hated that he had been the one to find you. There was no doubt in his mind that you were gone; your skin a gray/blue color and flies around you. What killed you, he didn’t know. Only an autopsy would tell him.

At least until he further examined you.

A rather large wound on your abdomen. It was much too big to be treated on your own, but by the looks of it, you had tried to stitch it closed.

...You died because you refused to go to him for help and bled out...

This, a tragedy, it may end up on the news

The funeral was a sad one. It rained that day. Hard. Everyone in town was there too. Everyone. You had grown so close to everyone in your time away from Harvey. They all cared so much about you and our death hit hard.

It was also at the funeral where he realized how bad he had messed up. You hadn’t just been getting closer to Shane, you were getting closer to everyone. They all said a little bit of the stuff you did for them, mostly just helping out with tasks and small favors. You had started staying with Shane at the bar because he talked more when he was drunk and you had started getting drunk with him because it helped him open up. You were just trying to help him.

And Sam. You were helping him learn how to play cooler songs on the guitar and even showed him a couple cool tricks on the skateboard.

Abigail and Pierre had finally begun to form a bit of a stronger bond because you had been helping them talk through their differences.

You had been doing so much and he basically said you were cheating on him.

So, there he stood, watching the casket be lowered into the hole, and then buried. Many tears were shed. Many. Everyone knew the town wouldn’t be the same without you there. Especially Harvey.

At the end of the day, I don't wanna be with you

It rained today too.

“You still looked beautiful that day.” Harvey said softly, arranging the bouquet in his hand. All the flowers were brightly colored. Not as bright as you would have wished, but he was trying his best. “The flowers just enhanced your beauty.”

He stood in front of the tombstone, a large frown on his face. It had been even years since you had passed now, and he wasn’t doing any better. He still cried a lot, but now, it was more just a feeling. He couldn’t bring himself to get over you.

He slowly set the bouquet down against the silver tombstone, making sure you would be able to see it from the heavens.

“Happy Anniversary (y/n). I’m sorry I wasn’t a better husband to you and I’m sorry I wasn’t there to save you.” He slipped his glasses off his face and fell to his knees, letting the tears fall. “I-I’m sorry! I’m sorry I didn’t believe you! I’m sorry I let my feelings take over! I’m sorry I couldn’t trust you! I love you so much!”

Loud sobs left his mouth, his tears blending with the rain as they fell to the ground. His heart, for the millionth time, shattered before him.

“Harvey?” A soft voice asked.

The doctor wiped his eyes and turned his head slightly. At this point, everyone had seen him like this. He didn’t care anymore.

It was none other than Abigail behind him, an umbrella above her head and a spare one at her side.

“Hey, it’s okay. We all miss her.” She said and handed him her spare umbrella. “We’re all worried about you too. You aren’t the same.” She sat beside him. “We all arranged something to help you. Come to the saloon so we can tell you, please.”

Harvey looked to Abigail, and then back to the bouquet. You wouldn't want him to be sad. You hated seeing him cry. Maybe this was a sign from you.

“...O-okay...Thank you...Just, give me another moment. I-I’ll be there.” He mumbled, trying to hold back sobs.

Abigail nodded and stood, letting him have a moment while she told everyone what was going on. Harvey sat there a moment longer, wiping his eyes to rid them of the tears. He sniffed once more before saying the same thing he did every year. The poem you had written for him. Part of it at least. It was a reminder to the both of you that he knew he messed up.

“Roses are red...Violets are blue...My heart is...is dead...I...I’m such a fool…”

The tears came back.

“I’m such a fool.”

[sneezy-cheeseloaf]

recounting the entire avengers: endgame movie, which i only saw once when it came out, from memory

because i just took the SAT and i want to do anything except think about that so get ready for a fun ride full of holes and my reenactments of scenes and quotes that i remember from however many years it’s been now since endgame came out. buckle the fuckle up

movie opens, clint’s whole ass family fucking dies. cue killing spree fueled by grief and anger. HashTag Relatable

tony is floating through space with nebula and teaching her how to play paper football

holy shit is this how tony dies

“pep” ouc h

oh hey he’s home, dope

The Gang (tm) learns where thanos’s farm is somehow i can’t really remember

“perhaps i judged you too harshly”

“???? thor????” “what? i went for the head”

“five” five what?? days?? weeks??? months???? oh boy i can’t wait to find ou- “years later” HUH???????

steve looks the exact same, so i guess he kept up that workout schedule even through the snap. i mean good for him honestly

and is also running a talk therapy group like sam did

a single smidgen of gay representation but it’s a good start ig

i don’t really remember what everyone else was doing, i just know that tony and pep have morgan now but idk if that gets revealed now or later

the only reason we had a movie is because of a rat. everyone say thank you to Rat for releasing scott lang, please. round of applause

scott’s daughter is all grown up and catch me sobbing over the fact that he wasn’t there to see it

somewhere in here nat is crying and eating a sandwich and honestly girl same

“hey!!! it’s me!!!! scott lang!!! ant man???? also what the hell happened???? lemme IN”

cue scott lang having a single brain cell and bringing up time travel. i think it was him that proposed the idea. maybe not. but imma give him credit

oh yeah bruce and hulk are besties now and bruce is just permanently Like That

and cue everyone being shook at the idea of time travel

time to go see Science Man at his house on the lake

“i wish you had come for anything else.” ouch

gang leaves dejectedly

peter. that’s it. and suddenly tony is all hands on deck

cue science mumbo jumbo in the middle of the night while he eats something out of a bag that i can’t remember

“shit!!” “sHiT!!!” “NO”

“i love you 3000″

Science Man reveals that he has, indeed cracked the code to literal time travel

cue nat, the only person with an umbrella, going to find clint who is busy with murder, as he does

“don’t do that. don’t give me home” stfu budapest man and get in the car.

thor has. enlargened. and is now playing fortnight with korg as a means to cope with what happened plus losing loki, as i think we all would

The Gang is back together and working (surprisingly) coordinately and throwing ideas around and it’s actually very cute. and it makes my heart very happy. and i want to cry every time i think about it because we all know what comes next

scott’s taco gets blown away. bruce gives him another. all is well in the world

and in this exhibit we see the only brain cell in the whole group, which is being used by rhodey at all times

“why don’t we just,,,, (choking motion)” “to a BABY???”

during the time tests someone gets reverted to a baby but i don’t remember who and it’s highkey disturbing

“i consider this an absolute win!!”

cue slo mo walk with the cool white time suits that everyone looks so good in

“see you in a minute” that smile. she looks so happy. sobbing

i think it’s in here that all the color go through steve’s eyes, so let’s just take a minute to acknowledge how pretty he is

“just for the record, that suit did nothing for your ass.” “i don’t remember asking you to look”

“that’s america’s ass.” yes it is scott you’re absolutely right

“i cOuLd dO tHiS aLL dAy” “yeah i knoOoOW”

time for tony to give tony a heart attack and then just stare in what i can only assume is amusement. i’m pretty sure that comes after america’s ass but maybe not

somewhere in here steve is just staring at peggy through blinds and it’s sad when you see it but when you think about it afterwards, it’s so funny for no reason

time to get whacked by a very angry hulk who was not allowed to use the elevator

“NO STAIRS”

tony goes flying. so does the tesseract. loki, in handcuffs, is like “oh bet this is mine now” and. Leaves.

i’m pretty sure it’s bruce who goes and gets schooled by The Ancient One on the multiverse, and i say it’s bruce because i think he’s the only one out of The Gang who could ever actually wrap his head around it

i don’t remember exactly how they get the tesseract but they do

thor and rocket are in asgard and thor has a panic attack, as I think we all would if we had to talk to our dead mother and pretend like we don't know what's going to happen

and remember kids, slapping someone is not the way to handle a panic attack. anyways

a mother always knows

"i'm still worthy!!!!" you always were, thor. you never stopped being worthy

and we have our hammer back

cue sobbing on vormir

“clint. it’s ok. it’s ok.” that smile.

nat’s fucking dead and i’m fucking dead inside let’s keep this party goin

other stones are recovered and i don’t really remember how but hey we got all six

“where’s nat?” cue more sobbing from me and from clint as you can see each and every team member’s heart drop to the fucking floor. especially steve

yeah maybe we’re doing this for half the universe and all the people we lost, but mostly for nat now

tony’s makeshift infinity gauntlet has entered the chat

Green Man is the only one who can physically take the power of the stones, so the fate of literally everything they have ever done up to this point is on him

snap rest in peace bruce’s arm

cue every single person in the theater holding their breath

“guys. it worked.”

cue explosion as their facility gets bombed and i am terrified that it has killed the entire gang

but it obviously has not and i am once again a Class A Idiot

i can't remember if it’s steve or tony who wakes up first but one shakes the other awake and is like “get the fuck up bitch idk what just happened but we got a problem”

everyone is mostly fine. but they’re all alive and that’s what matters

and now we have the setting for the entire rest of the movie basically

oh hey thanos. that’s uh. that’s a big army you got there

i don’t really remember everything that happened with The Past thanos, gamora, and nebula but i remember that gamora once again sees what a twat her adoptive father is and is like “oh hell na”

cue the gang fighting for their lives against Past thanos. literally

oh shit thor’s about to be killed????

OH MY GOD HE HAS THE HAMMER

cue the theater screaming as they should

hell yeah. bonk that giant space grape with the god of thunder’s hammer. you go steve. and look like a badass doing it as you should

shit’s still fucked and they eventually get their asses handed to them one by one

somewhere in here the shield breaks just like we saw in age of ultron. and like damn bro i liked that thing

steve stands up by himself because bitch. you cant kill him unless he says so. he dies on his own terms. he didn’t live for over a fucking century to die like this

our mans is standing up against a whole ass army knowing full well that he can’t win but damn if he aint ready to try

“ok listen strange. you have to open the portal to his left. his LEFT. you hear me???”

“steve. STEVE. on your left.”

cue the most goosebump-inducing scene that i have ever seen and probably will ever see. i would do anything to see that scene for the first time again. that feeling was like nothing i’ve ever experienced

the amazing symphonics are NOT helping my already-about-to-explode-from-excitement heart

now the gang’s ALL here. and we all cry because all of our peeps are back from the dead and we all missed them and highkey grieved for them after infinity war

i can’t remember if steve actually sees bucky yet but i think he does and i wanted to cry on the spot because not only did i miss bucky but man did i just want them to see each other again

cue sick pan of the whole ass marvel roster like smash ultimate, including howard duck somewhere in there

PETER OUR BOY SWINGIN ON IN

“AVENGERS. assemble.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

but we all know damn well that not a single person could hear him whisper that shit. like steve bro speak up a little

and the battle for the ages commences

we get to see all our favorite boys are girls fuck shit up and it’s absolutely incredible. wow it really feels like someone’s missing who could that be.

this is now a very elaborate game of keepaway

“catch” “Catch” “CATCH “CATCH”

“hey queens” he remembered. catch me cryin

“hey peter. got somethin for me?” god i love her. flew through a whole ass spaceship. no stoppin her

t'challa remembers clint's name. he did care

oh yeah scott is fucking humongous again, but third time’s the charm ig. maybe he won't pass the fuck out this time

somewhere in here, strange starts holding like. an entire ocean back and i dont really remember where it came from

we get a whole segment of marvel women kicking ass and taking names and i think i just need to take a minute. WE collectively need to take a minute

carol flies straight through a spaceship and everyone is like ???? hello????? where have you been?????????

carol gets literally headbutted by thanos and doesnt move a fucking inch. and that look of murder in her eyes. she could tell me to walk into a pit of lava and i would not question it. the power

“launch the missiles!!!” “but sir, our army-” “DO IT”

damn thanos our expectations for you were low but holy fuck

somewhere in here i think petter quill sees Past gamora and is like gamora???? and she like kicks him in the balls or somethin and is like “this is the ones i picked?????”

the fight continues and honestly a lot of it’s a blur but damn was it not the coolest thing i’ve ever seen. 

cue strange knowing exactly how this was gonna go down, and holding up a single finger

i dont think ive ever seen that look on tony's face before

oh shit thanos has the gauntlet and all the stones. fuck.

wait holdup that gauntlet looks a little funky

WAIT HOLDUP

“i am inevitable”

“and i. am iron man.”

the theater, once again holds its breath

all is lowkey calm and everyone is shook

thanos’s entire army slowly fades away. including one of those big worm things that almost eats (i think it was) rocket but like. dusts right as it hits the ground and is a really cool shot

and thanos sits down on a rock. and finally is gone. and it's so cathartic

oh joyous day!! they’ve won!! they’ve done it!!! wait holdup where’s tony. i remember what happened to bruce where the fuck is tony

wait

wait hold on

wait hold on a minute

“we did it. we won, mr stark. we won. please, mr stark”

“pep.”

“it’s ok. you can rest. you can rest.”

i have officially passed away and am a sobbing mess. you can’t do this to me. he’s gonna come back. there’s no way. tony stark doesn’t die. no.

this is a fucking funeral. i am going to combust into tears

“proof that tony stark has a heart”

i just wanted him to be able to see morgan grow up.

but him and nat are eating shawarma together in the sky now.

“i’m recording this in case something goes wrong, which it won’t.”

“i love you 3000.”

oh we’re still rolling. oh we don’t even get a minute to process

steve is leaving??? wait holdup we cant lose both. no

“are you sure about this?” “i have to”

“i’m with you til the end of the line” so that was a fucking lie

but steve deserves to do what makes him happy. so i can’t be too mad. actually, nah i aint even mad i’m just sad

bucky looks so dejected. so sad. someone please give him a hug. he desperately needs it

oh hey steve. but you’re old now. hey then, grandpa. how did you. get there

buck and sam go talk to him as they should

“you wanna talk about her?” “no, i don’t think i will”

“how does it feel?” “like it belongs to someone else”

sam has officially inhered the shield, and by extension, his very own bucky barnes. it’s a packaged deal

clint’s got his family back. and they can finally finish their picnic or whatever they were doing at the beginning of the movies

and steve finally got that dance. finally. and he looks so happy. so content.

and that’s about all i remember

i have not watched endgame since i saw it in theaters when it came out because i absolutely do not have the emotional stability to do it again. but damn the disney plus shows have been bangin

i hope you enjoyed the ride, thank you for joining me in my. whatever the fuck this is

[gamergirl929]

I Fell For You Unknowingly (Kelley O’Hara x Reader)

If someone were to tell you that you were in love with your best friend, Kelley O’Hara, you’d tell them they were crazy. If someone were to tell Kelley O’Hara she was in love with her best friend, she’d tell them, they were crazy, but was the idea as crazy as the two of you thought?  

You let out a lengthy sigh as Kelley drops into your lap, leaning back against your chest as your arms wrap around her.  

You were in the locker room, the two of you relaxing before you had to go back out for the second half of your game against Thailand.  

Kelley closes her eyes, letting out a lengthy sigh when you nuzzle into the spot behind her ear.  

“Are you listening?” You whisper to Kelley as Vlatko starts talking strategy, and what the team needs to improve on.  

“I would, but you’re making me sleepy.” She whispers as you run your hands up and down her flat stomach.  

You still and the woman groans.  

“I didn’t say stop.”  

Meanwhile nearby, Alex and Allie share a glance before turning back to Vlatko, but they can’t help but watch the two of you out of the corner of their eyes, wondering when the two of you would finally realize the other wanted to be more than friends.  

                                                            ***

Alex and Allie are again sharing a glance, though this time, a few weeks later when you’re all on the bus headed to another city for an upcoming game.  

You and Kelley are of course, sitting next to one another, Kelley’s head in your lap as you run your fingers through her soft hair.  

“Are those two ever going to admit they have feelings for each other?” Christen whispers.  

Alex and Allie turn in their seats towards Christen and her bus buddy Tobin.  

“Are they just so oblivious they don’t even realize it?” Ashlyn whispers from behind them and Megan snorts from behind her.  

“I don’t think they’ll ever figure it out.” She rolls her eyes.  

Alex and Allie again share a glance, the two smirking.  

“Maybe we need to help them out?”

                                                            ***

“Quit it!” Kelley laughs as you jump on top of her, digging into her sides with your fingertips.  

The two of you roll around on the turf, Kelley laughing so hard tears are streaming down her cheeks as you dig into her sides.  

Your teammates shake their heads as the two of you basically stop practice with their antics.  

“Are those two together yet?” Lindsey asks and Sonnett scoffs.  

“No, they’re both oblivious.”  

“How can anyone be THAT oblivious?” Mallory asks as she, Rose and Sam join the others.  

“Why don’t we ask Kelley?” Emily shrugs.  

“HEY KEL!” She screams and the two of you spring apart, turning to the younger player, brows furrowed.  

“What?” She asks and Sonnett grins.  

“Why are you so oblivious?” She asks and Kelley’s furrowed brow deepens as she turns to you.  

You shrug as you move to your feet, holding your hand out to the smaller woman who jumps to her feet before slipping her arms around your neck.

Sonnett shrugs.  

“See, totally oblivious.”  

                                                            ***

Later that night, you step out into your and Kelley’s hotel room, steam chasing you as you walk out into the room in only a towel.  

Kelley wolf whistles and you roll your eyes, shaking your head as you move towards your suitcase.  

“Shut up, you’ve seen me naked before.” You roll your eyes and Kelley laughs.  

You drop your towel and slip into a clean pair of boxers and a sports bra, not realizing that Kelley is glancing your way, wearing a bright blush.  

She clears her throat and glances away when you turn around, tongue swiping at her dry lips.  

You throw yourself into bed beside her with a grunt, your face landing in one of the pillows at the head of the bed.  

“Ready for bed?” Kelley asks and you groan into the pillow, that being enough for Kelley to kill the light and slip under the covers.  

“Get under the covers idiot.” She nudges you and you grumble, but slip under the covers nonetheless.  

The second you’re under the covers Kelley shuffles closer, burying her nose in your chest. She hitches a leg up over your hip and it’s then you realize that she’s in nothing but a pair of panties, the typical norm for the woman, but it still brings a light blush to your cheeks.  

Kelley nuzzles against your collarbone and you smile, your eyes fluttering shut.  

“Night Kel.” You whisper, feeling Kelley smile against your flesh.  

“Night Y/N.”  

                                                            ***

“FUCK RIGHT THERE.” Alex and Allie’s eyes widen at the sound of Kelley’s cry. 

“Are they fucking?” Allie whispers yells, but Alex’s only answer is an index finger to her own lips.  

“Feels SO good.” Kelley groans and Alex and Allie share a glance, the two racing out of their hotel room, only to realize that a number of her teammates are already gathered outside of Kelley and Y/N’s hotel room.  

“Are they fucking?” Megan whispers and Sonnett snorts.  

“If they are, the whole planet knows with how loud Kelley is being.”  

Suddenly, Megan leans forwards, her knuckles hitting the door.  

Everyone turns to her, eyes wide in horror, but when the door is open seconds later, they realize their assumption was indeed false.  

“What’s up?” You ask, brows knitted together in confusion.  

“Ummm, we just...” Tobin glances at Christen who shrugs.  

“We heard Kelley screaming.” Alex says and you nod, rolling your eyes.  

“Can’t give her a damn massage without her howling.” You snort and Kelley scoffs.  

“It’s not my fault it feels good, you’re too good with your hands.”  

Your eyes widen, your cheeks flushing slightly.  

“Oh, for the love of god.” Megan mumbles as she walks away, her other teammates following suit, everyone leaving until only Alex, and Allie remain.  

“You two are so hopeless.” Alex shakes her head and Allie nods, the two wandering off.  

You shake your head, brow furrowed.  

Kelley peeks around the corner, a towel covering her bare chest.  

“Get back in here, my back isn’t going to massage itself.” She shakes her head and you snort, turning around kicking the door shut behind you.  

You walk back into the room, your arms crossed across your chest.  

“You’re so demanding.” You snort as you climb onto the bed and straddle Kelley’s legs, your fingers prodding into her tense back.  

“Less talking, more massaging.”  

You roll your eyes, swallowing hard as your runs run up her smooth back, the woman sighing as at the feel of your fingertips stroking her back.  

You close your eyes, digging your thumbs into her back, and when Kelley lets out a breathy moan, you wonder how you’ll get through this massage without internally combusting.  

                                                            ***

“When are you idiots going to admit you have feelings for one another?” Alex asks Kelley, the woman’s brows knitting together in confusion.  

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Kelley shakes her head and Allie groans.  

“Worm, I swear to god.” She shakes her head and Kelley’s eyes narrow.  

“What is wrong with you guys?” Kelley asks and Sonnett scoffs as she drops down onto the bench beside Kelley.  

“They’re wondering if you are ever going to tell Y/N that you love her.” She says simply and Kelley’s brown orbs widen.  

“I seriously have no idea what you guys are talking about.”  

Christen shakes her head as she and Tobin move towards the bench.  

“Come on Kelley, she looks at you like you hung the stars.” The brunette rolls her eyes and Kelley scoffs in disbelief, shaking her head.  

“No, she doesn’t.”  

As if on que you glance across the field at her, your eyes locking with her brown orbs.  

You send her a wink before turning back and racing down field.  

Kelley’s mouth drops open though it quickly snaps shut, the woman repeating the exact same action over and over again while her teammates watch the realization dawn on her face.  

Kelley swallows hard.  

“Oh, my fucking god.”  

Everyone around the woman snorts, every single one of them shaking their heads.  

“Finally Worm.”  

“About time Wookie.”  

“Congrats Kel.”  

“Took you long enough Frat Daddy.”  

Kelley jumps up off the bench, cheeks blood red as she stomps onto the field, leaving the group of women behind.  

Alex shakes her head.  

“Now we just have to see if she does something about it.”  

                                                            ***

Kelley does in fact do something about it, and that something is avoiding you like the plague for the entire day until the two of you have to go back to your hotel room to sleep for the night.  

You sit up in bed, eyes wide when you hear the hotel room door open and click shut.  

Kelley quickly comes into view, brown orbs on you as she advances towards the bed.  

“Kel?” You whisper, eyes widening when Kelley crawls onto the bed and straddles your waist.  

“What are you...?” You start, cheeks flushing as Kelley cups your cheeks.  

You swallow hard, humming when the pads of her thumbs run across your cheeks.  

“Jesus, you got a lot of bags under your eyes.” She snorts and you give her a nudge.  

“It’s not my fault you snore.”  

Kelley gasps, sitting on your legs.  

“I do NOT snore.” You shake your head, giggling.  

“Yeah, you totally do.”  

Kelley smacks your chest as she spreads your legs and settles between them, your arms slipping around her as you hold her close.  

She nuzzles into your neck taking a deep breath, though her eyes remain open as her thoughts race.  

Could you really feel the same about her as she feels about you?  

                                                            ***

Things between you and Kelley had been the same as per usual, but as time passed, you noticed minute changes in her behavior, the way her eyes would linger on you for lengthy moments of time, or the way her cheeks would flush when you smiled at her or when you were touching her in anyway.  

“Is everything alright?” Alex asks when she moves to take a seat next to you on the bench, having just been subbed out for the second of the game.  

“Just thinking...” You shrug, swallowing hard. “Does Kelley seem... Off to you?” You ask and eyes locking on Kelley’s form as she darts down field.  

“What do you mean?” Alex asks, the small smile playing on her lips going unnoticed.  

“I’ve just noticed something different, that’s all...” You whisper, eyes widening when you see Kelley glance your way.  

Alex lets out a hum, winking when Kelley’s wide brown orbs lock with her bright blues.  

“How can you not see it?” She asks and your brows furrow, your eyes leaving the action to lock with her blue orbs.  

“What are you talking about?” You ask, eyes narrowed and Alex shakes her head, pinching the bridge of her nose.  

“Seriously, how can you not see that she’s hopelessly in love with you?” Allie asks and your eyes double in size.  

“What? No, she’s not...” You shake your head as you turn your attention back to the field, seeing Kelley’s brown orbs are already on you.  

The woman smiles before sending a wink your way and turning back to the action.  

Your mouth drops open, quickly slamming shut. You repeat the same action over and over again before your eyes widen further.  

“Oh my fucking god.”  

Alex shakes her head, patting your back while Allie ruffles your hair.  

“Bout time Y/N.” Allie shakes her head and Alex grins.  

“Finally.”

You shake your head in disbelief, now the things you’d been noticing made sense, but how could Kelley O’Hara be in love with you, of all people.  

                                                            ***

Nothing had changed between you and Kelley of course, the two of you acting as you usually had, cuddling and being touchy as per usual, but on the inside, you were both in great turmoil.  

There was no way Kelley could feel the same as you?  

And there was no way you could feel the same way Kelley felt, right?

The two of you asked yourself over and over again that same question, now here you were in a match against Sweden, though you couldn’t focus on anything other than Kelley O’Hara.  

The ball was passed to you and you rushed down field towards the Sweden goal, you’d just gotten into the box when you felt it, the piercing pain of cleats digging in to the back of your leg.  

You fell, groaning as your ankle contorted into a position that you didn’t think was humanly possible.  

You cry out, grabbing your ankle as tears streamed down your face.  

You’re surrounded in a matter of seconds, but the first person to make it to you is of course one, Kelley O’Hara.  

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s alright. Shhhh... It’s okay.” She coos as she pulls your head into her lap. She brushes your hair out of your face and your eyes flutter open, locking with her dark brown orbs.  

“It hurts, it really hurts.” You sniff, your bottom lip trembling.  

You see it, the spark behind her eyes that you know only makes itself known when Kelley is incredibly pissed.  

“Kel...” You whisper, sitting up when the woman moves to her feet.  

“Stop her.” You beg one of your teammates, the teammate being Tobin Heath, who jumps to her feet and grabs Kelley.  

“Kel, don’t.” Tobin whispers and the Stanford grad shakes her head.  

“Let me go Tobin.” She snarls angrily as she stares down the woman who’d hurt you, the woman, who looks at the defender with wide, fearful eyes.  

Kelley’s upper lips curls in a snarl, but just as she’s about to wiggle out of Tobin’s hold and literally stomp the woman into the ground, the trainers help you to your feet.  

“Kel.” You say, grabbing her arm as you limp passed her.  

Kelley turns to you, brown orbs softening as you give her forearm a squeeze.  

“I’m okay.” You whisper and she swallows hard.  

“She still hurt you.” She growls and you shake your head, cupping her cheek and tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.  

“Don’t kill her, just make her look like an idiot.” You wink and Kelley grins, leaning into your touch.  

“Anything for you.”  

                                                            ***

Kelley had indeed made her look like an idiot, making legal tackle after legal tackle, and in between those, giving the woman a stare that would scare Medusa.

The second the game ended, the USWNT the victors with a score of 7 to 0, thought Kelley couldn’t care about score as she rushed off the field and into the back heading right for the trainer’s room where she knew you would be.  

She shoves the door open, sighing sadly when she sees your leg propped up an ice pack strapped to your ankle.  

Kelley advances on you, sitting beside you on the bed before placing her hand on top of yours.  

“Thinks it’s just a twist, maybe a sprain... Not sure.” You shrug and Kelley shakes her head angrily.  

“Hey.” You whisper and Kelley turns to you, frowning sadly.  

You flip your hand over, tangling your fingers with Kelley’s.  

“It’ll be alright.” You whisper and Kelley shakes her head, it’s then when you realize her eyes are glassy with tears.  

“Kel...”  

“She hurt you... And I saw you crying and I just...” Kelley shakes her head, a tear sliding down her cheek.  

You gently cup her cheek, turning her to face you until your eyes lock.  

“Don’t cry.” You whisper, leaning forward, your forehead resting against hers.  

Kelley inhales sharply, brown orbs going wide.  

It’s then you realize, that your and Kelley’s lips are inches apart.  

You lick your lips your eyes darting to Kelley’s lips before jumping back up to lock with her brown orbs.  

Kelley ever so gently cups your cheek, her thumb running along your bottom lip as she leans in.  

Your eyes flutter shut, the feel of Kelley’s breath on your lips causing your heart to slam so hard against your rib cage that your ribs may shatter.  

“HEY THERE HOW ARE Y-

Emily Sonnett stops in the doorway as the two of you spring apart, cheeks blood red and eyes wide. Sonnett clears her throat loudly, twisting on one foot to head out the door while her teammates make her way towards the trainer's room.  

“Are you alright?” Lindsey asks the woman who quickly runs off.  

“Can’t talk, have to get away before everyone murders me for cockblocking those two.”  

Seconds later when the woman has burst from the locker room and taken off. Seconds later, Allie, followed by Alex and a number of her other teammates shout.  

“EMILY ANN SONNETT GET BACK HERE!”  

                                                            ***

“Kel, I can walk.” You say as Kelley gives you a piggyback ride into your hotel room, unlocking the door and moving inside before kicking the door shut behind her.  

“No, you’re not walking.” She says as she carries you towards the bed and gently, drops you onto its surface.  

“You going to let me shower?” You ask and Kelly rolls her eyes.  

“No. You’re fine.” She says dismissively and you shake your head.  

“But I’m sweat-

“NO.” Kelley says sternly and your eyes widen.  

“Kel, come on, talk to me.” You whisper swallowing hard.  

Kelley sighs deeply, her eyes closing.  

Suddenly she spins on her feels and makes a dash towards the bed, climbing up on top of you like she had weeks before, her hands gently cupping your cheeks.  

The pads of her thumbs again run across your cheeks, but this time, it’s a completely different feeling.

You feel something pulling you towards the woman, your eyes locking with her brown orbs as you slowly sit up.  

Your nose bumps Kelley’s as you sit up, inhaling sharply at the feeling of Kelley’s hot breath on your lips.  

Kelley’s tongue swipes at her dry lips and you swallow hard, boldly cupping her cheeks.  

Your thumb runs along her bottom lips, much like hers did all those weeks ago.  

Slowly, the two of you lean in, but unlike last time, Emily Sonnett isn’t there to stop you, and finally, your lips meet, pressing softly against one another.  

You inhale sharply at the feel of her lips against yours, the kiss unlike anyone you’d ever experienced.  

You weren’t only kissing someone you loved romantically, but loved as a friend as well, someone you spent every moment you could with, and with a simple kiss that relationship turned into something more.  

The two of you slowly part, Kelley’s eyes remaining shut as she grins dopily.

Your eyes flutter open and you chuckle.  

“We’re idiots, aren’t we?” You whisper and Kelley snorts, eyelids parting to reveal her beautiful dark brown orbs.  

“Yeah, we are.”  

Kelley pushes you back onto the bed and leans down, her lips meeting yours again and again.  

Eventually, the kisses stop and Kelley buries her nose in your neck, the feeling of her grin against your skin.  

“I love you.” She whispers and your cheeks flush as you wrap your arms around her.  

“I love you too.”  

[mittensmorgul]

Re: signs that 15x20 is unreal, how about the monkey statue? It's a feature of the Roadhouse in 2x02, so it seems fair enough it would appear in Heaven's Roadhouse. However, it also features in Dean's dream bar in 14x10 and in Lebanon, 14x13. You could say then that it represents Dean's desires ... but actually, both of these episodes featured dangerous fantasies that Dean had to choose to end in order to get what he really wanted. In Nihilism, Dean has to snap out of the supposed ideal reality in order to obtain freedom from Michael's control. In Lebanon, Dean undoes the pearl's granting of his "heart's desire" because although he could get Michael out of his head and also get his father back, it would mean losing Mary, Cas, and Jack, and becoming estranged from Sam. So, I really think that the monkey statue is a massive red flag. (Especially as it seems so prominent in an otherwise sparse set, sitting outside the Roadhouse, between Bobby and Dean - like a third character, or a barrier. Are there other theories about it?)

Also, the saturated colours, vintage vehicles and general retro Americana feel of both the street at the end of 15x19 and the pie festival in 15x20 bear an uncanny resemblance to Charming Acres from 14x19 - which of course turned out to be a false reality created, controlled and violently enforced by the mayor (one of those 'little men in positions of power'), a father who proclaims himself God. So, to me, everything from the end of 15x19 to 15x20 screams false, dangerous dream, which claims to be what you want, but isn't really.

It's the moment that Jack becomes God that everything stops making sense, really. Dean asked God to bring Cas back, but he doesn't ask Jack? Dean's worst nightmare is to be on his own, and yet when he gets to Heaven and finds out he doesn't have to be alone, that everyone is together, he ... drives off on his own???

Sorry, forgot to add: I love the way you said that either 15x20 obliterates canon or canon obliterates 15x20. That sums it up perfectly!

___

HELLO THERE! Before we begin, I have to say I LOVE THE HEN OF LETTERS. She’s ADORABLE! 

Okay, now that we have that out of the way, for reference purposes this is regarding this post I made yesterday (linked with an addition I threw on a few hours later, for the sake of keeping it as current as possible):

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/640259612227059712/so-signs-that-15x20-isnt-real-el-sol-beer

Thank you for contributing so much, and potentially saving me having to rewatch to try and catch all the details for sciencing purposes. :’D I’ll take your observations one by one, for the sake of orderliness. :)

1. The Roadhouse Monkey. Sort of an in-joke on the Supernatural set since s2 (Origin story here). It also appeared in the Black Spur Bar in 13.02 where Asmodeus killed the bartender and disguised himself as her in order to get information about Jack out of Dean. Which, if nothing else, serves as a sort of red flag for “this is not what it appears to be.” So what did Asmodeus chat with Dean about with the monkey as a backdrop? Deadbeat dads, running away from home, but still wanting the approval of their fathers more than anything. Imagine that.

Because of how to came to be part of the roadhouse set, with Jerry basically HATING the thing yet directors LOVING it and thinking it made for a great establishing shot of the Roadhouse interior, it also serves as a sort of “cry for help” from the production designers. Like... a “we had no other choice” warning. It was literally the establishing shot of the original Roadhouse’s rubble after it burned. 

And also what you said about it above, too. It’s a very meta monkey.

My tag for the monkey

2. YES. THE COLORS. Beginning with 15.19′s final scene and that incredibly weird montage with Sam and Dean’s drive into the fakey-fakey sunset. Like... one out-of-nowhere shot they’d been using in the promo for the finale was the final scene from 2.18 Hollywood Babylon where Sam and Dean walk off the movie set into the “sunset,” which turns out to be a fake sunset painted on a giant screen that rolls aside to reveal the cold grey gloom of reality behind it. Same exact feeling there with the extra-orangey light pervading the finale.

As to the “nostalgia for the past” aura of the episode, that started for me during the bunker montage at the beginning of the episode (and that SONG CHOICE had me cringing too, because heck... that was a depressing way to open the ep... little did I know it would only get more depressing from there). Dean’s precious Dead Guy Robe just gets unceremoniously tossed aside like so much dirty laundry in the room Dean once cared so much for... the old-fashioned alarm clock on his nightstand... Sam doing laundry in a literal machine from the 50′s while he just stands there waiting for it like he has nothing better to do... Dean cleaning all his guns for apparently lack of anything better to do... not being able to find a case and yet not being even remotely interested in exploring the brand new potential of the future and remaining trapped by now-nonexistent duty and the literal actual past... It’s... so wrong in every way.

3. And yeah, the emptiness of Heaven is partly attributable to Covid, but it didn’t have to FEEL completely empty like it did. Like, even devoid of the SIGNS of humanity, with Dean driving completely alone down deserted highways through the wilderness. The Roadhouse was the only tangible sign that anyone else even existed in this heaven, aside from the roads and the bridge in the final scene. Like... where are all these people Dean supposedly cared about LIVING? or... whatever you’d call existing in Heaven as a soul if not living?

And why would Dean’s first desire, when he’d been doing it his whole life and had been most recently doing it within minutes of having died, be to go on a drive? It’s beyond absurd to me. That was not the Dean that Castiel knew and loved. That was not the Dean who literally did everything out of love for the world and the people in his life. That was not the Dean that Cas sacrificed himself for. Sorry, it’s just not.

It’s almost as if all of Chuck’s storytelling power simply transferred over to Jack. It’s almost as if the storyteller interfering was irrelevant and only hindering his story actually playing out. Like the storyteller only needed for Sam and Dean to let their guard down, to believe their free will had won, for them to lose all their agency and become nothing more than irrelevant characters to be disposed of.

You can’t have both things. Either you believe the first 326 episodes of Supernatural, or you believe the 327th. They are mutually exclusive.