#salt and vinegar pringles

[vermilionzombie]

I am a big fan of Birdy and the "Anything"👾 story💖 by @darklordofthesimp -📼

(I am sorry for the quality😭, Also I tried to draw scars for the first time😅💙 I hope you like it, and I hope it doesn't look too disappointing 😔🪄💛💜Spent my free time on this for the past 2 days 😎)

BIRDY:

(What Birdy Roughly looks like to me)

AGAIN, I REALLY LOVE THE "ANYTHING" STORY, AND I LOVE HOW YOU WRITE IT💖🤍💖❤️ THANK U 4 EXISTING 👽👾-📼

I just realized how depressed (cringe) the 2nd pic looks💀

[thebeingmerf]

Salt&vinegar Pringles my beloved

[skysyzygy]

I think the main takeaway I had from reading some of the baby sitter’s club books as a kid was that I could hide candy in my room

[gifti3]

I would like to give asmo a single salt & vinegar pringle chip

I dont even think hed eat it, hed smell it and know im trying to set him up

[throwing-roses-into-the-abyss]

.........so maybe it's time to admit i am in fact getting older and can't eat whatever horrendous combination of food anymore

[gayday]

that one post was so right salt and vinegar chips boutta make me act up

[plant-trannie-12]

SALT AND VINEGAR HE'S SO BASED FOR THAT

[origami-butterfly]

@that-one-cat-alternate

Based on observation, the average human that likes sour cream and onion-flavored snacks is repulsed by salt and vinegar-flavored snacks, and vice-versa. If you somehow like both, I have reason to believe you're on a higher plane of existence than the rest of us

[rassicas]

I spent way too long on this but I tried to calculate the exchange rate of Splatoon G to JPY using a can of pringles, which sounds ridiculous and it probably is, so I'd like to fact check with someone smarter and has actually been to japan. So I ask. How much were pringles in Japan?

well. i dont remember. i only bought shitty knock off pringles for like 170 yen bc it was the only salt and vinegar chip i could find. unbelievable. the real thing cant be more than 500 yen in stores?? i see what youre trying to do here either way certainly not half the price of a nintendo switch game, unless these mr munchy flavors are like rare imports and video games are cheaper in the splatoon world. and then the tissue box is almost 500G which sounds okayish, albeit a lil expensive for a single tissue box if 1G=1JPY

1G=1JPY seems to work fine for the clothing items and that seems to be the intent. a high quality brand name jacket and vest for 10000 yen? sure. a simple new t shirt for 800 yen? that sounds right.

meanwhile hotlantis pricing is just fucked. most items feel like 3 or 4 times more expensive than it should be when converted to yen.

irl squid cushions ive seen between 2500-3500 yen, so 9980 divided by 4? sounds right

an instant noodle thing like this i see from anywhere between under 100 yen to 300 yen. but if we were to divide this by 4 then thats still 800 yen which is kind of crazy, but seems almost reasonable if its some limited time thing or some fancy import. lets go with that. the aforementioned 498G tissue box? divide it by 4, about 125 yen for a tissue box sounds realistic. maybe were getting somewhere.

i think harmony should be shot

[tellmeallaboutit]

knock knock (Raphael x F!Player)

Chapter 1, In Which You Install The Mod

FOREWORD: inspired by this post

SUMMARY: Careful which mods you install for BG3. Did you read the terms and conditions carefully?

TAGS: meta romance, psychological horror, smut, the character is the player, Raphael is after you, you wanted him, you invited him to our world, he accepted your invitation

RATING: explicit

AO3

***

You hesitated for a moment before downloading this “Devil Wears Nada” mod. It felt slightly inappropriate, absurd as it may sound. There was something disrespectful about making Raphael deliver his final monologue in the nude.

Well, you would have to live with offending a bunch of pixels because you do want these screenshots. You put the salt and vinegar Pringles out of the way and wiped your fingers on a napkin before committing this digital sin.

Clickity-click-click. You dragged-and-dropped the mod where you wanted it to be and launched Steam. Now to load the saved game where you made the deal with the devil and gave him the crown of Karsus… pretty much any saved game really. 

Raphael had been spared in each one of your playthroughs.

A sigh escaped you when the devil still appeared fully clothed in the game; had something gone wrong? You double-checked, only to realize that you'd forgotten to activate the mod - odd, since you clearly remembered doing so. Leaving the game, you dragged the mod back into place.

On your phone, in the Devil's Den discord chat, you informed everyone of Raphael's stubborn refusal to undress.

MAKE HIM! came the immediate reply, followed by STRIP THE OLD MAN, accompanied by raunchy gifs. Couldn't help but grin at that.

Back in the game, you loaded an earlier save file and sank into your chair to watch Raphael emerge from the flames, clothed once again. “You son of a…”, you muttered to yourself. It was getting late anyway; this would be your last attempt before calling it a day. Tomorrow is Tuesday and thus another work day. 

“It won’t be long before you come knocking at my door”, Raphael said, looking straight at you from the wide screen. This wall-breaking sequence was brilliantly executed—you had to admit it—very eerie.

Raphael let out a deep, hearty laugh, head thrown back, pearly teeth glistening in orange-red lighting. You didn’t see this animation before. They must have added it with the latest patch, so you moved in closer. 

Handsome as sin, this devil - if he asked for your soul, you’d hand it over on a silver platter.

Suddenly, he fell silent for several seconds, staring directly at you from across the digital divide. You reached for the mouse to check if there was a glitch in the cutscene when Raphael's voice sliced through the silence.

“You are quite eager to see me naked, aren’t you? Naughty little mouse,” Raphael taunted.

What the fuck?

WHAT THE FUCK!?

You recoiled in shock and slammed your laptop shut. A shriek must have escaped your lips, but you were too stunned to notice. It took a moment for your heart to settle and for you to remember what date it was today.

A quick glance over the watch on your wrist confirmed: it was the first of April. April first, two thousand and twenty-four. 

It was an April Fool's joke from the modders.

Oh, fuck. Having recovered from the initial shock, you cautiously opened your notebook, only to be greeted by the familiar "ta-ta" outro. Oh, fuck. This is some kind of really fucked-up prank. How did they get this voice line?

AI, probably. Not probably. Definitely. There was no way they could have involved Andrew Wincott.

You scanned the game screen for any other surprises, but found none. Picking up your phone, you opened Discord and began recording a long voice message - your fingers too clammy to type.

The replies came soon after.

Haha, this is so fucked up, did they really do this? Hm. I have to try it myself. RECORD IT, RECORD IT PLEASE!

You stared at the loading screen but couldn't bring yourself to replay it. Instead, you searched “Raphael naked mod April joke” and clicked on the first Reddit thread that popped up. You didn't even bother to open it; a quick glance at the preview comment – “crazy I almost had a heart attack” – was more than enough.

Enough for today.

You quickly brushed your teeth in the bathroom and changed into short pajamas before glancing at the laptop on the other side of the room, its camera eye peering at you from across the room. You closed the shutter.

“Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you”, you read somewhere.

You tucked yourself into bed, phone in hand, blanket between your legs. Was it time for a quick stroll through selected Raphael / Tav bookmarks?

No. Well, maybe. The threesome with Haarlep, just a quick re-read to help you fall asleep quicker. You were creeped out, but not that creeped out. You’ve heard of such meta jokes before. Black & White did it, Metal Gear Solid did it, too. 

But still… they really should tag this sort of stuff.

Your nightly reading was progressing nicely; things were getting interesting - “the ridges of his devil cock stroking your sensitive walls” interesting. Your hand slid into your underwear, working your finger past your hair down to your clit. This scene was very well written, you could almost feel it, picture yourself spread open between Haarlep and Raphael. 

The smut got better and better right until your phone vibrated in your hand, and you dropped it on the blanket.

Unknown caller ID.

Don't answer it, came the panicked, irrational thought as it grabbed you in a chokehold. 

You stared at the screen - the call went on and on - and pushed it aside. Swiped to the right in one quick motion and heard an automated female voice:

"This call is from Europol. We would like to inform you that your identity card number has been misused. For further information please press 1."

You hung up immediately, recognizing this as one of those scam calls that had been making rounds recently. Your mum had received one too. 

Nothing to lose sleep over.

You put the phone down and turned your back to it, trying to calm down. Screw the fanfic, you were not in the mood anymore. Well, you were, but…

Another time. 

It took some time before you could relax, your gaze fixed on the blank wall in front of you, re-playing that cutscene all over again in your head, occasionally wandering to the large window looking out over the courtyard (what a pitch black night). 

Eventually, you did. 

As you drifted off to sleep, a voice whispered in your dream:

“You are quite eager to see me naked, aren’t you? Naughty little mouse”.

The silky soft voice was so lovely; it made you feel less alone. A small smile crossed your lips as you slept.

Yes, Raphael. Very eager indeed. 

Tomorrow. You’ll try again tomorrow.

NEXT: Chapter 2, In Which You Meet A Tall Dark Stranger

[janitorhutcherson]

Groceries, Taxes, & Laundry (MSchmidt Fluff)

hey guys, it's me. i'm finally back. did y'all miss me? the writing of this is a lil diff, sooooo please enjoy and lmk what you think!

content: pure fluff yall.

-----------------------------

Grocery shopping with Mike Schmidt is… special, to say the least. He absolutely despises it. The dreaded time comes around at the end of every week, your vegetables in the fridge starting to wilt, the meat from the previous trip used up, and all of your snacks have been devoured from late night munchie runs to the pantry (xoxo i love gardening!!!). He knows it has to happen. He knows you’ll wake him up early on Sunday morning like always, because apparently it’s “better to get it out of the way,” which he thinks is, well, to put it lightly, utter bullcrap.

You’ll drag him and Abby out to your local grocery store, her drowsy and jittery all at the same time with the promise of pancakes from a local diner after. Once you arrive, you’ll pull out all of the far-too-expensive reusable bags out of the trunk of Mike’s dingy car, ready to fill them with the necessities. Why get those for 3 bucks when you can get the plastic ones for free? He’ll never understand your logic, something about saving the environment, but it’s okay, he loves you enough not to complain, at least out loud.

The fluorescent lights of the room filled with half asleep employees hits Mike’s eyes like he’s looking directly into the sun. He lets out a small grumbled sigh as he takes in the scent of sterile cleaning supplies and produce mixed in one, with the strange almost play doh like smell of the bakery. Your eyes cut over to him, eyebrows raised, Abby’s hand in yours as she rubs her droopy eyes. Mike can’t help but to crack a small smirk, his lips pursed together. “What?” he’ll question innocently, letting out a small snicker as you go deeper into the dreary establishment. 

At the produce aisle, Mike shivers a little as the water from the misting sprinkler on the shelves hits his bare skin. He should’ve worn his jacket today, he usually does, and he’s regretting the one time he hasn’t. Your eyes are glancing over carrots, broccoli, cucumbers, and squash, all that are somehow both too ripe and too.. What's the word... unripe? Sure, he’ll go with that. His hand reaches out to grip yours in a gentle grasp as Abby points to a particularly fluffy bushel of broccoli. “I want that one! It looks like pretty trees,” she giggles out, finally starting to wake with the day. You let out a giggle of your own and Mike smiles because of how pretty your laugh is.

Next, you’re in the snack aisle, filling the cart with doritos, barbeque chips, pringles, salt and vinegar chips (mike gags when you eat them too close to him), peanut butter filled pretzels, whatever can go in Abby’s lunch box and whatever is tastiest. Mike insists on buying the cheap queso, his nose scrunching up at the price of the name brand one. He knows it doesn’t taste any different.

Now you’re looking at meats, finding chicken breasts and filets, steaks, pork, whatever was on your list from meal prepping. Yes, meal prepping, Mike did that now. Apparently stable people with stable lives who had stable relationships did that. He’d grown fond of sitting over a recipe book with you on Saturday nights, really, shoulder to shoulder, pressed up on the couch well after Abby had gone to bed. Something about it felt safe, a kind of domestic feeling he wasn’t used to.

You’re basically done now, and he couldn’t be more relieved as you make your way towards the dairy section. He grabs a few things, string cheese, yogurt, cream cheese, cheese slices for sandwiches for work. Oh, did he mention he works in construction now? It’s stable, makes good money, and he’s home on time to see you, to be a husband-not-yet-husband (he plans to propose soon, but that’s another story), a brother-more-like-a-father, a person with a regular schedule. He looks over at you, watching as you and Abby skim over the different selections of chocolate and strawberry milk, finally settling on a carton of strawberry. He once again scrunches his nose, smiling all at once. “Nasty,” he mumbles out. Abby playfully hits his arm and you lean in for a kiss.

Finally, thank god, you push the cart towards the bakery section, grabbing bread and a sweet treat or two for the week. Cookies, a birthday cake for no particular reason, cheese danishes, whatever his little family was feeling for the week, that’s what it’d be. This week, it was a huge box of chocolate chip cookies and some kind of cherry pastry he’d never had before. You three finally head to checkout, where everything is stuck in those stupid reusable bags and the price of everything you got feels obscenely huge for what’s in your cart, but he pays it anyway. Walking to the car, in the trunk the groceries go as you all climb in one by one, ready to head for pancakes.

As he reverses the car out of his good (only because it was so goddamn early) parking spot, he can’t help but sigh, this time with contentment as Abby rambles on about a new imaginary (hopefully) friend, your own grin wide as you ask questions, making sure she feels heard. “I love you guys, love doing things with you guys,” Mike mumbles out, reaching his hand over to your thigh as he glances back at Abby too. And it was true, he’d do anything with you two. Hell, if all his life consisted of grocery shopping, taxes, and laundry? Yeah, he’d be ok with that too.

[likeprongstostars]

bartylus but barty cant fit his hand in the pringles salt & vinegar tube so instead he gets regulus to do it and will slobber off his fingers while regulus tries to pull back his hand like it depends on his life

lmao i forgot to answer this ask bc i read it and then started thinking about them and forgot to finish my thought 😭

but yes barty will be like "hey can i use ur slender bony malnourished victorian child pincers hands" and make a 5 course meal out of that hand and they will repeat the process until the pringles are gone bc who even pourd pringles in a bowl anyway...

[theblehthatbloos]

I can't tell if this is for more blood magic or to end the ritual, either way, fair.

[bumblebeebats]

*Said through a mouthful of salt and vinegar pringles even though i have an active mouth ulcer* Is it simply human nature to continue to crave even that which we know will hurt us? Like a moth to a flame, a loyal dog to the hand that struck it - consumed by the baseless fantasy that this time, this time, it will be different? What is it, exactly, that keeps us coming back? Is it stupidity or, perhaps... hope?

[aurumacadicus]

Plz post a scene of Bucky finally catching up to Steve after being taken out at the knees. Please 🙏🙏🙏

The next time there's a knock on the door, Steve is passed out on the couch with a glass of water on the coffee table. Steve didn't get to 'love on' him very long before the meds kicked in all the way.

"You can't beat him to death. He's asleep," Tony tells Bucky imperiously as he opens the door. Then he sort of chokes, taking a step back in shock.

"...I take it that Steve didn't really have time to go into the extent of the attack before he passed out," Bucky drawls, stepping past him as if Tony isn't staring at the pinned-up sleeve at his left shoulder. "Punk. I gave him his painkiller right on time and he looked me in my eyes and whacked my knee with his crutch. He'll be lucky if I beat him to death."

"Um," Tony says, because he's never really known what to say in the face of their casual violence toward each other. His friendship with Rhodey is built on the fact that they like to cuddle a lot.

Bucky looks Steve over carefully, then sighs, dropping into the chair across from him. "Well, he looks like he's in one piece. I suppose I can forgive him just this once, considering that he was so distraught when he woke up and I had to tell him he didn't have anymore letters."

Tony finds himself shrinking in embarrassment. "Oh. Well, I thought--"

"I know why the letters stopped coming, Tony," Bucky sighs, rolling his eyes. "Kid meant well, and it's not your fault, I'm just tellin' ya like it is. 's kinda why we're here when he--" He raises voice. "Should still be in the hospital!"

"Snorkmimimi," Steve answers, face still pressed unattractively into the cushion beneath him.

Bucky waves at Steve tiredly, in a 'what can you do' sort of fashion, as if Tony is not gaping at his prone body in offense for being tricked. "Shithead. Anyway, Natasha's coming with his overnight bag, and I'll explain to you all the pills he hasta take, and then you guys can have some privacy."

"Okay," Tony starts.

Steve immediately swivels into a seated position, as if he had not just been pretending to be asleep to avoid facing Bucky. "Natasha's on her way?"

"Buddy, you deserve what's coming to you," Bucky drawls, leaning back in his seat smugly.

Tony looks between them in confusion. "I thought we liked Natasha."

"She was the one who had to pick Bucky up after I took him out at the knees," Steve says morosely. "I'm so sorry Tony. You'll become a widower before we're even married."

"We're not even engaged," Tony splutters, completely bewildered. "Why is Natasha going to murder you?"

"I landed on my armless side," Bucky tells him, and Steve howls in dismay about being skinned alive and dipped in salt and vinegar like a giant Pringle before he can even fold tony in half like he'd planned all along.

"He can't even tie his own shoes," Natasha mutters, rolling her eyes, as she comes to stand beside Tony. "How the fuck is he going to fold you in half. My god."

Tony wonders why Natasha feels comfortable enough to just walk into his house, then decides he actually doesn't care, because she does not look like she's about to kill Steve and also the bag she's carrying looks large and he's hoping it's not all medicine.

[luveline]

had a craving for salt and vinegar crisps so bad I had to go get some but I fear I chose the wrong vessel these Pringles are so sweet