#sakura akino

[teanstitches]

I hated how this looked as a drawing and the sketch was frustrating. I almost didn’t paint it because all I could see were the flaws, but I’m happy I finished it. The paint mostly redeemed it.

Here’s what I call the strawberry lemonade layer on this one:

Really this portion of it is what made me decide not to give up on it. Drawing through a crease is hard. 😐

I saw a bunch of pictures of bulldogs sleeping with their tongues out so I had to draw Bull like that.

[neptunemagia]

[miki-kaname]

Happy New Year everybody.

(This post is cursed)

[nightcorekitten]

[trans-duckling]

For Them to Have Your Eyes: Welcome

Gai was very anxious to meet their child, but he had to admit his rival’s feelings about it were stronger. Not because he was not as excited, of course! But rather because Kakashi wanted both to meet the kid and to get rid of the extra weight he had to carry around.

At some point, Gai had tried to reassure him saying he was just as handsome as before the pregnancy, but the Hatake had glared at him aggressively and he had ended up sleeping on the sofa that night. Sakura had assured him that response was most likely due to the hormones, so he shouldn’t worry about having said something wrong. The next day, Kakashi had challenged him to wear a vest that imitated the pregnancy during the whole day, and Gai had then understood why his partner complained so much and so often.

Sure, he was a taijutsu master and carrying extra weight around was kind of his thing, but that was… Something else. The position was uncomfortable, pulling at your muscles and getting in the way of almost every movement you did. After the agreed twenty-four hours of challenge, he had been glad to throw the vest away, although he had been polite enough to say that if it made the Hatake feel better, he would keep wearing it. Kakashi had then started crying and demanded cuddles, so he guessed at least that time the hormones were playing in his favor.

Surprisingly, the day —or rather night— in which his rival’s water broke, he was completely calm and composed. At least at the beginning.

It was almost midnight and they were preparing for going to bed. This meant a whole ordeal in their household at the moment, the pillow and blankets needing to be arranged in an exact position to not bother Kakashi. It also implied cleaning the path from his side of the bed to the bathroom, leaving the doors open for the several moments of the night when the Hatake would undoubtedly wake up needing to pee. Most of the time, Gai would awake as well or one of the dogs would accompany him in case something happened.

“Gai” Kakashi called from the bathroom, “can you…?”

He was there before the other man could finish the sentence, his wheels drifting on the wooden floors.

“What is it? What do you need?”

“A hospital, preferably” the Hatake said as he put his mask slowly up.

“WHY?! Did you fall?! I told you to ask for help if…”

“Gai” his rival cut him with a pointy look. “Just look at the floor for a moment.”

There was a small puddle over the bathroom’s tiles, not very big but still dangerous.

“Did you slip with the water?!”

“No, Gai” Kakashi sighed, his tone annoyed. “I stained the floor with my amniotic fluids when my water broke.”

So, he hadn’t fallen. Everything was alright, then…

Wait.

Oh.

Oh.

“REALLY?!”

His scream was enough to alert the dogs scattered around the house, their paws hitting loudly the ground as they ran to the bathroom.

“What is it?” Akino asked, looking around as if expecting an enemy. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong” the Hatake sighed again. “My water broke, so I’m ready to give birth. Now, why don’t we get to the hospital so I can go through this with the support of some competent people?”

“Right. RIGHT!” Gai exclaimed, adrenaline running through his body as he turned towards the ninken. “Bull, take the emergency bag that it’s packed in the wardrobe. Uhei, Pakkun and Biscuit, go looking for Tsunade-sama, Shizune and Sakura and make sure they are available at the hospital. The rest of you, come with us.”

The dogs moved quickly under his commands, Urushi, Guruko, Shiba and Akino following them as Gai accompanied Kakashi to the bedroom so he could change his pants and underwear. He needed his assistance for it, but they were done quickly and as soon as Bull had the baby bag hanging from the mouth, they left for the hospital.

Barely a second after Gai wheeled himself down the ramp with Kakashi on his lap, two ANBU figures appeared at his side.

“Is it time?” Yamato asked.

“Yup, I’m ready to push this baby finally out of me” the Hatake joyfully said. “Let’s go!”

Was it weird that his rival sounded more happy in that moment than during the last month? Gai thought back on the pregnancy vest and shuddered. Yes, that tracked.

“Are you sure you don’t want us to carry him, Gai?” Yugao intervened. “We could…”

“I’m perfectly capable of getting my rival to the hospital, thank you very much” he complained. “Unless he wants it otherwise.”

“Nah, I’m good.”

Happy with the answer, Gai made sure Kakashi was perfectly safe on his lap before start wheeling himself forward with as much strength as he was. In under thirty seconds they had left the outer part of the village —where they lived— and entered the city center. A minute and a half, and they were at the hospital’s doors. Ha, as if Yugao or Yamato were able to keep up with his speed even if he was on a wheelchair.

The five ninken that had left the house with them were at their side just a moment later, as well as the ANBU guards who would undoubtedly protect Kakashi from the shadows as he gave birth. On the other hand, Uhei, Pakkun and Biscuit waited inside of the hospital together with the three medic-nin that would make sure the whole process went smoothly.

“Ready to meet your brat, brat?” Tsunade asked with a smile.

“Hey, my kid will only be half a brat” the Hatake reclaimed with a huff. “Don’t forget who is the other father.”

“Well, I would appreciate if nobody called our kid a brat before they’re even born” Gai pouted.

The others chuckled at the comment, Shizune and Sakura helping Kakashi to get up and transfer onto the gurney they had brought to the entrance. Being so late at night, the place was empty except for the couple of administrative at the front desk, which Gai guessed made his rival more comfortable. From there, they moved to a big individual room were the whole procedure was planned to take place.

“Ok, guys, I know you like Kakashi and all that, but there are too many of us in here at the moment” Tsunade said, looking at the ninken, “so, I must ask you to leave.”

“But he’s our summoner!” Uhei complained.

“Yeah, and his pup will be our pup to raise!” Pakkun added.

“I’m pretty sure Gai and me are the ones supposed to do the raising” his rival commented.

“Sure, you will help.”

Gai was starting to seriously suspect a kidnapping coming from the ninken.

“Well, you can do all the baby raising you want once they are actually here” the Sanin pushed. “Now, off you go.”

She shooed them out of the room with her hands, to which the dogs responded with glares and whines. However, as Kakashi didn’t say anything to oppose Tsunade’s declaration, they followed the instructions. And by that Gai meant that they sat at the other side of the room, their breaths still audible from the inside.

“Ok, we can start now” the Godaime indicated, turning to the Hatake once again. “First, how long ago did your water break? And how are you feeling?”

“It happened about five or seven minutes ago, and so far I’m good, pain manageable.”

“Well, it won’t stay that way much longer.”

Gai was not sure if that was the kind of encouragement Tsunade should be offering, but he was not the medical expert in there, so he remained silent.

“Tsunade-sama…” Shizune complained.

“I’m just stating the truth, and you know it as much as me” the Sanin said as she put on some gloves. “Now, I need to examine you. Do you want us to help you to change, or just Gai?”

“Just him” the Hatake quickly answered.

Nodding, Tsunade offered Gai a medical gown and then started to close the curtain around the bed to give them some privacy. They had previously talked about the whole arrangement and they made a great team, so even with Kakashi’s difficulties to move around, they were able to undress him rather fast, gown in place just a minute later.

“Are you ready to meet our kid?” Gai asked in a low voice.

“Yeah, but that I remember we may be a few hours away from that, and before I have to suffer quite a bit.”

Gai grimaced, knowing the delivery would be one of the most unpleasant experiences for Kakashi due to several reasons. Even if he knew it wouldn’t change much, he kissed him softly on the forehead.

“I love you.”

The Hatake nodded, smiling with his eyes and giving after a signal to indicate he was ready to continue. Gai moved then to open the curtains, revealing the three women again.

“Everything set? Good” the Godaime said. “We’ll start with an examination to see how far dilated you are, ok?”

Another nod and she made some movements to shift Kakashi’s legs in the correct position. Gai stayed by his side, taking the Hatake’s right hand in his when he saw him grabbing the sheets as if he was about to be tortured. As previously accorded, Sakura and Shizune stayed back but ready to intervene if necessary.

“I’m going to start now” Tsunade indicated with a calm smile.

Gai knew the exact moment in which her hands made contact with Kakashi’s body, as his rival stiffened and increased the strength of his grip to an almost painful level. Still, his eyes didn’t move away from the Sanin even for a second, which allowed him to detect the sudden tension on her shoulders.

“W-What is it?” Kakashi asked in an uncomfortable tone.

“It feels like the baby shifted positions in the last three days” she said, not sugarcoating anything. “I need to check your belly with medical ninjutsu to be sure, but I believe the baby is breech.”

Through all the pregnancy, Gai had read enough books to know what that meant.

“So, their feet are coming first? Isn’t that dangerous?”

“It will be if I don’t take a decision quick enough.”

“Then, hurry” the Hatake barked, fangs probably showing after the surgical mask.

“Believe it or not, brat, I know how to do my job” Tsunade responded as she removed the gloves and stood up to position herself by Kakashi’s left side. “I will do all I can to ensure both yours and the baby’s health.”

Unmaking the knots Gai had done in the side of the medical gown, she lifted it carefully to reveal as little skin as possible before moving her hands under it and over the Hatake’s belly. A soft, green glow came out a moment after and his rival face changed again into an uncomfortable expression. Thankfully, Tsunade just needed a couple of seconds to do the examination.

“The baby is definitely breech” she said, turning then to Sakura and Shizune. “We need to prepare for an emergency c-section.”

The other two kunoichis nodded and began moving with precision, removing some items and bringing others from the back of the room. Barely a couple of minutes after, the whole setup had changed.

“Ok, do you remember what the plan for this was?” Tsunade asked while looking at them.

Gai nodded, his brain going over all the explanations they had gotten, as well as everything he had learnt from the books. There was a part of him screaming that it was not time for questions and wanting to panic, but he shut it up.

“You’ll put the lower part of his body to sleep, and set up a few tubes for meds” he said. “Then a couple of incisions and the baby will be born.”

“That summarizes it up quite well, yes” the Godaime smiled, her hands moving to receive the line Shizune was offering. “Are you ready, Kakashi?”

Taking a glance back at his rival, Gai was able to recognize the signals normally indicating that his anxiety was firing up. They were subtle, but still there, and he was about to intervene when the Hatake closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he came back, he nodded with a decisive look in his face.

“Yes, I am.”

There was a small squeeze on Gai’ hand, to which he responded with one of his own. They were ready.

The next moment, Tsunade put the line in Kakashi’s left arm and Shizune pushed in some medication. Afterwards came the catheter and the anesthesia, as well as the cleaning of the abdomen. Once everything was ready and it was clear his rival’s lower body was asleep, the Sanin took the scalpel.

There was no visual barrier between them and the kunoichis, that being one of the Hatake’s conditions for the intervention. He trusted all of them, of course, but the thought of a knife cutting his body while he was awake and lacking control over it activated too many of his shinobi alarms. If the down part of that situation was having to see his own body being cut and blood coming out, he was fine with it. Gai, even if he was not particularly enthusiastic about it, knew that at the end it was Kakashi’s decision and, since it wouldn’t affect his or the baby’s health, he agreed with it.

Seeing the scalpel cutting his skin and feeling nothing more than a brushing sensation was weird, Kakashi decided. Also a little bit disturbing. If being honest, the first second after Tsunade had said a c-section was necessary, he almost let out a “thank Kami-sama”. As stated before, he was rather attached to his genitals, but that didn’t mean he felt comfortable with someone else besides Gai looking at them, let alone feel the deformation they would suffer during birth.

Of course, all that had gone through his mind in under a second and then the rest of the information had slapped him. The baby was at risk. That was everything he needed to know to agree with whatever Tsunade thought it was best.

As the Sanin worked with the support of the other two kunoichis, Kakashi kept an eye on her, not even capable of looking at Gai. He didn’t need it, either. The other man’s presence was noticeable from his peripheral vision, and his hold was strong against the Hatake’s hand. Even if Gai was strangely silent, he knew he was there for him.

Time moved slowly and it felt like an eternity until the next words came out from Tsunade���s mouth.

“I’m taking the baby out now.”

A mix of nausea and excitement filled Kakashi as he saw his skin separating enough to let a head come out, quickly followed by the rest of the body. There was no pitch-high cry as he expected, but instead Sakura approached quickly with a clean blanket that was covered in blood and other liquids in no time.

“W-What…?”

“I’m going to clear their airway, sensei, it’ll be just a second.”

Kakashi almost jumped out of the bed upon seeing his student turning away with his baby, but she stopped next to Tsunade, one hand holding them while the other took the utensils given by Shizune. Her movements were fast and precise, working on the baby’s mouth and nose while the umbilical cord was still hanging. A moment later, a cry echoed in the walls, strong and beautiful.

“There you go!” Sakura smiled. “I know from who you got those lungs, baby.”

“Gai, do you want to cut the umbilical cord?” Tsunade asked, hands still working with green ninjutsu on Kakashi’s belly.

“Y-Yeah.”

The taijutsu master moved almost mechanically, eyes not leaving the baby until the distance between him and the Hatake forced him to let of his hand. His sight fell then on Kakashi, as if doubting of releasing the hold. He decided to do him a favor, retreating his fingers and nodding with an exhausted smile.

“Take the scissors and cut in between here” Shizune indicated, handing him the utensil. “That’s it, perfect.”

As soon as the umbilical cord was cut, the world seemed to start moving faster. Sakura stepped a meter away with the baby to let them over a small table where she started the first examination. As much as Kakashi knew all that was necessary, he could not avoid feel anxious. Tsunade’s green chakra became more intense as she worked on him with Shizune’s assistance, but the Hatake still kept his eyes on the baby.

When Sakura finally approached with them still in the dirty blanket and just a hat on their head, he felt tears filling his eyes and his heart beating so fast he thought it would come out of his chest.

“Here you go, sensei, meet your child.”

Yep, he was definitely crying and, judging by the soft noises coming from his side, Gai was as well.

The baby was simply perfect. Very pink and wrinkled and dirty, but perfect. As soon as Gai reacted and helped him to remove the upper part of his medical gown, their child was pressed against his chest as he hold them, the crying stopping soon after.

It was as if the world had stopped. It didn’t matter that Sakura was looking over them like a hawk, ready to intervene at the sight of the smallest problem. Or that Shizune and Tsunade were still working on him. The only thing that mattered was the new life currently on his arms.

Gai’s and his child.

“You… They…” the other man sobbed. “You’re both perfect.”

Kakashi nodded, feeling completed as Gai’s body moved closer to his, leaving the wheelchair and sitting at the end of the mattress with one arm falling over his shoulders and the other resting over the baby’s head, covering it completely. A new feeling appeared wild and strong in the Hatake’s chest, almost like a natural instinct. The desire… No. The need of protecting them. His family. His world.

Gai was overjoyed. And ecstatic. And energized! There was so much energy inside of him that he didn’t even know how he was capable of staying put. Or rather he knew, but didn’t understand. It felt as if, didn’t matter what happened outside of that room, he would never leave as long as his family was there. Not to train, not to fight, not to talk to his students. And he loved his students! But that new feeling was… was something else.

At the moment, the room was empty except for them, the medic nin agreeing they were capacitated enough to detect and call in case any dangerous change appeared. Kakashi had been closed up soon after the birth, recovery set to be fast and without complications if they followed the indicated recommendations. Considering he was a shinobi and he had had the three best medical nin of the country taking care of him, he could choose to go back to work in under a week. Of course, Gai would strongly push against it, as well as Tsunade, Shizune and Sakura had. And, considering one of those women was the assistant of the Hokage, she had promised to make sure he had at least one month of full paternity leave.

So, it was only them and their baby. Their baby.

“What are you thinking about?” his rival asked, shifting slightly.

It was the first time he heard him talking since the birth, before just nodding or shaking his head whenever one of the kunoichis asked him something, as if scared of taking his eyes away from the baby. Now that they were alone, that fear seemed to have minimized.

“I love you” the words escaped Gai’s mouth, his body still pressed against his rival’s. “I love you and I’m so proud of you for this.”

Kakashi chuckled.

“You’re talking as if what I did was a miracle.”

“It is for me.”

From the moment they were left alone in the room, his rival had removed his surgical mask, so it was easy for him to see the soft smile on his lips. Even if the Hatake’s expression was tired, he seemed incredibly satisfied. Just as he should.

“You didn’t panic, and I know you were scared” he continued. “Even after having all our plans broken, you composed yourself and did magnificent, rival. You will make a perfect dad.”

“I would say that’s taking it a little bit to the extreme, Gai” Kakashi softly laughed. “We’re shinobi, so panic doesn’t control us easily. You reacted even ahead of me.”

“Well, yes, but… You were the one going through it, rival, I was just looking. What you did… I believe it’s nothing short of a miracle.”

Instead of trying to refute his words, the Hatake just nodded and moved his eyes back to the baby on his chest. They had been alone for almost an hour, so they had had time to feed them with the donated milk they would be using, but the child refused to fall asleep yet. Their big, black eyes were fixed on Kakashi, as if wanting to remember that face they would probably see more than any other person in the world.

“You know, at the end I had it my way” his rival said, one finger brushing over the baby’s chest. “They have your eyes.”

This time, it was Gai who laughed.

“Yes, but the hair looks like a mix of both of us. Maybe their eyebrows will grow as well.”

The Hatake rolled his eyes at the comment, but he was smiling. Gai moved one hand to accommodate their child’s hat, not wanting them to lose any heat. Underneath it, soft baby hair was mostly grey on top and dark black in the lower part of the head. It seemed smooth at the moment, but he would love to see it growing and become a mane as impossible to tame as his rival’s.

“We still haven’t decided on a name” Kakashi pointed out. “What do you think?”

“Well, of all the names we discussed, I like Keiki and Rei, but if you have other preferences…”

His rival laughed happily and freely, making Gai fall in love with him all over again.

“I can’t believe we have reached an agreement without even talking much about it” he said, adding after seeing his confused face: “I like Rei as well.”

“Oh!” he exclaimed, separating his body just slightly to better look at his rival. “So, we… Uh, have a name for them?”

“Yeah, I believe we do” Kakashi declared, looking down at their child. “Welcome to our lives, Rei.”

Babies did not smile. At least not so soon. Their muscles were simply just not developed enough for it. And still, Gai believed this one did. A prodigy from the beginning.

“Why don’t you hold them for a while?” the Hatake suggested a moment after.

“I would love to! But, uh, are you sure? Sakura said that skin to skin contact was very important for the both of you, so…”

“She said you can do it as well, just remove the upper part of your jumpsuit, Gai” the other man reminded him. “I’m feeling well enough, but my arms are a bit tired and I know you want to hold them, too.”

Of course he did. Jealousy was not usual on Gai, but he had to admit feeling it for the last hour. Therefore, he didn’t hesitate a moment more and stood up —his left leg almost failing him after so long sitting in an awkward position— to start removing his jumpsuit. When the upper part was rolled down over his hips, he sat back on his wheelchair and extended his arms at Kakashi to transfer the baby safely.

Something ignited inside him the second the new weight made pressure against his skin. Rei reacted as well, mumbling a bit before settling again and focus their eyes on Gai.

“Hi” he said, voice slightly trembling. “I’m your papa.”

Rei made a gurgling sound and his heart melted a bit. It was strange, to be so excited that you could do ten thousand push-ups in one go, and still feel uncapable of moving.

As he hummed quietly, he noticed their newborn slowly falling asleep against his chest and Gai felt at peace then. His family was there, safe and protected. Their students and friends would surely come soon to meet Rei, and he gave top another hour before their summons broke into the room, demanding to meet the baby.

He hadn’t had it easy after waking up from opening the Eight Gate. In a couple of occasions, he had even asked for his suffering to end. Now, he was glad they didn’t listen to his words, instead pushing him towards recovery. If that was what it took to be with Kakashi and Rei, he would do it as many times as necessary.

[puellamagishowdown]

Round 2 Has Finished!

Hey, no tiebreakers this time!

Not much to say this time. Most of the results were what I expected but I do have some questions about others (please feel free to answer said questions).

If you would like to see the percentages and some commentary, continue reading. If not, I will see you soon for round 3.

Ayame Mikuri (51.9%) vs Miyuri Yukari

Pia Undo vs Tsubasa Hanekawa (75.2%) - I know nothing about Divine Gate, but I do think Pia's outfit is quite cute. A little sad she lost.

Toyo vs Madoka Kaname (84.3%)

Livia Medeiros (50.7%) vs Rena Minami - ... Really? Alright then.

Sana Futaba (78.3%) vs Asahi Miura

Kaede Akino (56.8%) vs Sudachi Suwa

Mikoto Sena (51.7%) vs Hotaru Yura

Saki Asami vs Mikage Yakumo (82.6%)

Sasara Minagi vs Amaryllis (81.1%) - This was a much larger gap than I expected. Is her story that good or do people mostly just like the design better?

Ren Isuzu (76.3%) vs Kokoro Awane

Kuro vs Nanaka Tokiwa (70.9%)

Kagari Hinata vs Alina Gray (85.7%)

Mikura Komachi vs Yu (76.9%) - Please, I am begging someone to tell me why Yu. Why is she so popular? It can't be because she's a serial killer, other serial killer magical girls have lost this already.

Himena Aika (62.5%) vs Sayuki Fumino

Ashley Taylor (70.7%) vs Meiyui Chun

Mel Anna (77.1%) vs Ryoko Natsu

Hazuki Yusa  vs Eternal Sakura (71.2%)

Mayu Kozue (53.4%) vs Kako Natsume

Rui Mizuki vs Kanoko Yachiyo (64.8%) - Aw man, the resident chuunibyou lost...

Masara Kagami vs Juri Oba (57.3%)

Kyoko Sakura (88.8%) vs Tsubaki Mikoto

Riz Hawkwood (75.4%) vs Kanna Hijiri

Chiharu Hiroe vs Mito Aino (59.2%)

Corbeau vs Tsuruno Yui (70.4%)

Yuma Chitose vs Mitama Yakumo (77.6%)

Yuna Kureha (66.2%) vs Riko Chiaki

Ayaka Mariko (74.6%) vs Meguru Hibiki

Momoko Togame vs Ui Tamaki (52.1%) - This was a little closer than I expected.

Ao Kasane (52.7%) vs Suruga Kanbaru - For a while, I really thought Suruga was going to win this.

Gunhild vs Homura Akemi (85.2%)

Sae Kirino vs Nagisa Momoe (74.3%)

Iroha Tamaki vs Yachiyo Nanami (62%) - It feels early to have two major characters face off, but the RNG willed it. And it wasn't that close.

Seika Kumi vs Nayuta Satomi (52.6%)

Karin Misono (56.7%) vs Kanae Yukino

Konoha Shizumi (68.9%) vs Shigure Miyabi

Oriko Mikuni (76.9%) vs Lapin

Olga vs Mifuyu Azusa (59.5%)

Felicia Mitsuki vs Mami Tomoe (72.2%) - Even against another major side character like Felicia, Mami has dominated. All hail Mami.

Rika Ayano vs Sayaka Miki (66.3%)

Mitsuru Inami vs Ikumi Makino (69.5%)

Kirika Kure (63%) vs Konomi Haruna

[shizukateal]

Magical Girl Fashion Review Compilations

The 3 Rules. Mobility Tips.

PMMM

The Holy Quintet: Part 1 and Part 2, Nagisa Momoe Opinions, Miscellaneous Last Episode Girls

Homucifer vs Godoka

Magia Record:

Part 1 (Mikazuki Villa)

Part 2 (Rena Minami, Momoko Togame, Kaede Akino, Asuka Tatsuki, Kanoko Yayoi)

Part 3 (Natsuki Utsuho, Hinano Miyako, Sasara Minagi, Nanaka Tokiwa, Emiri Kisaki)

Part 4 (Shizuku Hozumi, Akira Shinobu, Manaka Kurumi, Kako Natsume, Meyui Chun)

Part 5 (Ayaka Mariko, Masara Kagami, Konomi Haruna, Rika Ayano, Ren Isuzu)

Part 6 (Konoha Shizumi, Hazuki Yusa, Ayame Mikuri, Aimi Eri, Karin Misono)

Part 7 (Kokoro Awane, Tsukasa and Tsukuyo Amane, Kuroe, Alina Gray)

Part 8 (Leila Ibuki, Seika Kumi, Mito Aino, Mayu Kozue, Himika Mao)

Part 9 (Mitama Yakumo, Ria Ami, Mel Anna, Mifuyu Azusa, Kanagi Izumi)

Part 10 (Riko Chiaki, Ryou Midori, Ikumi Makino, Touka Satomi, Nemu Hiiragi)

Part 11 (Ui Tamaki, Sasara Hanna, Sayuki Fumino, Chiharu Hiroe, Yukika Nanase)

Part 12 (Hikaru Kirari, Sunao Toki, Mikura Komachi, Seira Mihono, Temari Kira)

Part 13 (Shigure Miyabi, Tokime Shizuka, Rabi Himuro, Yuna Kureha, Ao Kasane)

Part 14 (Oriko Mikuni, Kirika Kure, Yuma Chitose, Suzune Amano, Kanae Yukino)

Part 15 (Kazuki Subaru, Umika Misaki, Kaoru Maki, Shion Chisato, Arisa Narumi)

Part 16 (Tart Magica)

Part 17 (Hagumu Azumi, Rion and Hotoru Yuuki, Juri Oba, Livia Medeiros)

Part 18 (Monogatari girls)

Part 19 (Ranka Chizu, Tsumugi Wakana, Moka Megumi, Maria Yuki, Sakuya Suzuka)

Part 20 (Asahi Miura, Meguru Hibiki, Ashley Taylor)

Part 21 (Hinata Matsuri, Haruka Kanade, Ryoko Natsu, Rui Mizuki, Sakura)

Part 22 (Himena Aika, Alexandra Kurusu, Urara Yume, Nayuta Satomi, Mikage Yakumo)

Part 23 (San Kagura, Miyuri Yukari, Mitsune Miwa, Sae Kirino and Yuna Kaharu)

Miscellaneous MagiReco Girls:

Kushu Iremei, Hotaru Yura, Mikoto Sena, Mabayu Aki, Kagome Satori, Mitsuru Inami, Kagari Hinata, Summer Yachiyo, Sae Kirino, Sudachi Suwa and Yozuru Sasame, Rui Mizuki, Yuu and Shi

Puella Historia: Part 1, Part 2

Precure:

A La Mode, Hirogaru Sky (Cure Majesty), Delicious Party, Doki Doki, Huggto, Cure Tomorrow and Happiness Charge, Healin'Good, Splash Star, Smile

Star Twinkle Precure: Cure Selene, Cure Soleil, Cure Milky, Cure Star, Cure Cosmo

Tokyo Mew Mew:

The Reboot Outfits

Sailor Moon:

Sailor Moon La Cygne, Moon Crisis and Eternal Sailor Moon, the Senshi/Sailor Scouts in general, Eternal Sailor Senshi

��💖Card Captor Sakura💖🌸

Favorite Outfits

Clear Card Arc Anime Outfits: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

W.I.T.C.H.

The Girlies and C.H.Y.K.N.

Nerissa Again

Miraculous Ladybug

Part 1 (Ladybug, Chat Noir, Rena Rouge and Volpina, Carapace, Queen Bee and Vesperia)

Black Rock Shooter

OG OVA and 2012 Anime The Ugly-Ass 2022 Anime

Nurse Angel Ririka

LoliRock

Alice Madness Returns

[anyon-else]

Will You Let Me Come Closer to You? (The Red Room pt.8) | You know that staying is a bad idea. Deep down, you know that it will only lead to more pain and loss. But for some reason, it's becoming harder and harder to tear yourself away from this new home. (Marvel AU) – spotify playlist | read on ao3

Pairings | Kakashi Hatake x Black Widow!Reader + Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto Uzumaki, Kabuto Yakushi, Orochimaru (mentioned)

Warnings | fem!reader, hurt/comfort, mentions of scars, mentions of death, allusion to suicide, abuse

Word count | 5.6k

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"The dog that weeps after it kills is no better than the dog that doesn't. My guilt will not purify me."

Anonymous

"Alright, pack it up and get in."

Kakashi was too tired for this.

The night after your conversation, Kakashi had waited in vain for you to come out from his spare room. He wasn't too surprised when your door remained firmly shut long past the time when you usually joined him, but he was still slightly disappointed. When he woke up from a nightmare gasping for breath and looking around for nonexistent threats, his first thought was whether or not you'd kick him if he knocked on your door and asked that you come out and join him again.

When he saw you the next morning, you looked just as exhausted as he felt. However, he wasn't too tired to notice that you were purposefully avoiding his eyes.

"Sensei!" Naruto shouted from the door, arms full of bags that certainly hadn't been necessary to bring, "are we bringing the pups?"

"Iruka is staying here for a few weeks for a mission. He'll take care of them."

Naruto pouted and knelt down to an equally disappointed-looking Akino. Kakashi huffed; the kids spoiled his dogs too much. They were all getting too mushy to be guarding the house.

"We really can't stay for a few more days?" Sakura asked, throwing her bag into the back of the car. Her luggage was much lighter than what she used to bring when they came here on mini-getaways. Kakashi didn't want to think why that was, but he couldn't help but imagine how little she was likely permitted to have while in the Red Room.

"I'd like to get back to the compound. We're disconnected from SHIELD here, and I don't want to be out of the loop for too long."

He almost wished she'd fought him on the decision more, but her curt nod almost reminded him of a formal response to an order. He felt a headache coming on as he pictured that same response being given to Orochimaru.

Maybe he was overthinking things.

"You look terrible," Sasuke said, glaring at something behind Kakashi. He glanced at where you were slipping past Naruto with a bag slung over your shoulder and a deep scowl pointed at the ground. Sakura snapped at Sasuke to be nice, and Sasuke's answering shrug did little to make her lower her defenses. The boy gave you one last glance before climbing into the front seat of Kakashi's car.

"Nope," Kakashi shook his head, "back."

"Wha– why? For her?"

Sasuke pointed a disbelieving finger at you while you tried very hard to look like you weren't paying attention to the argument. You looked uncomfortable with his attention, and Kakashi took note of your uncharacteristic silence and stowed it away as something to ponder on later.

"Yes, for her. You children will be in the back."

Sasuke scowled at Kakashi, then glared past him at you. Kakashi waited beside the passenger door until his charge slipped out and trudged towards the backseat. He looked like the model of an angsty teenager; his arms were crossed tightly over his chest, and a deep scowl was directed at the trees in the distance. Kakashi felt his headache grow worse.

Sakura settled into the seat beside Sasuke with a quiet warning to be nice. He ignored her and propped his chin on his hand, turning even further towards his window.

"This isn't necessary," you muttered behind Kakashi. Stubbornness seemed to be a trait that you and Sakura shared, though he wondered if you had picked some of it up from the girl, "I can sit next to Sakura."

"It's alright. They're used to sitting back there."

"Still..."

For the first time since the night before, you met his gaze. You looked exhausted and beyond exasperated with the conflict. You participated in a stare-down with him for a moment, but climbed into the passenger seat with a grumble about how difficult he was being.

The drive was only a few hours, but it didn't take long for Naruto to fall asleep with his head resting on Sakura's shoulder. When the four of them went on road trips like this before Sakura was taken, she rarely tolerated Naruto's lack of physical boundaries. Kakashi was surprised when he glanced back and saw that she hadn't pushed him off like she used to. Now, she looked content to let the boy lean on her. Kakashi smiled behind his mask.

Sasuke, for all of his efforts to look the part of a brooding teenager, followed suit and fell asleep on Sakura's other shoulder. Kakashi almost asked if you would take a picture for him, but thought better of it when he noticed how tensely you were sitting in the passenger seat.

"How did you sleep?" he asked, ignoring your pointed glare.

"I slept fine."

"Mm. I'm glad to hear that."

"Right," you grumbled. The silence that followed was thick with tension, but he was patient. He could wait you out.

"You know, you almost had me fooled."

That wasn't what he was expecting.

"I don't know what you mean."

"This little game," you said venomously, spitting the words out like you couldn't stand to keep them in, "that you think you can play. Making me dependent on you. Acting like it's mutual. I've played it before, but it'll take more than that to manipulate me."

His hands tightened on the steering wheel, head spinning at the accusation. He thought you would've noticed the bags under his eyes that matched yours, though he supposed that you'd barely looked at him since the night before. Still, he'd hoped that you'd built at least a little bit of trust. At the very least, he thought you considered him an ally.

"That's not what I'm doing."

"I don't care, you know," you grumbled, leaving his words ignored, "if you want to use me. I don't care. But you could at least tell me what you want from me."

"I thought we went over this," Kakashi shook his head, "I'm not using you. I don't want to use you. I just want to help."

"And what makes you think I want your help, hm? I didn't ask for it. In fact, I never asked for you to bring me back in the first place. You took me. If you knew what was good for you, you'd drop me off at the next town and forget about me."

Kakashi glanced in the mirror to make sure the argument hadn't woken the kids, but you were staying conscious of your volume despite the anger in your voice.

"Is that what you want?"

The silence that followed gave him his answer. You were glaring at your lap, hands clenched hard around the phone he'd given you.

"Does it matter?" you muttered, "I keep going over it in my head, and every scenario I can think of ends with HYDRA finding me. Sakura doesn't want to acknowledge how dangerous it is for me to be here, but you know what the world is like. I know you do. And you know that it's inevitable that I leave. Whether it's on my own or with Orochimaru is up to me."

He remembered you saying that you would try to stay last night, and he wondered if it had been a lie or if you had changed your mind.

He wondered just how scared you were of letting yourself have a home.

"You know I shouldn't stay. The things I said last night...I wasn't thinking straight. It's dangerous for me to be here. I don't want to bring any more trouble to you and the kids."

"Is that what that was?" Kakashi chuckled, "trying to get me mad so I'd kick you out?"

Your silence was awfully telling. It was giving him more answers than your words did.

"Well, it's not easy to manipulate me either. And Sakura would probably just leave with you if I told you to go," Kakashi noted, glancing back at the girl. She had shifted and was resting her head on Sasuke, mouth open and drool hanging off her lip, "besides, she's just as dangerous, isn't she? HYDRA thinks you're dead, so she's the one they'll be looking for now."

He needed to find the right words. If he did, maybe some of the tension in your shoulders would drain out.

"If I overstepped last night," he said quietly, hoping that talking about such a vulnerable moment wouldn't shut you down, "I apologize."

You both paused when Naruto mumbled something incoherent. You went rigid at the interruption, and Kakashi was almost impressed that you were talking this freely in front of Naruto and Sasuke, even if they were asleep. Maybe you were improving more than he was giving you credit for.

"You touched me."

He closed his eyes. He hadn't meant to make you uncomfortable. It had taken him a long time to get used to the amount of affection that kids wanted, especially after being neglected for so long. But after so long taking care of them, it had almost become a natural instinct to comfort someone with touch.

"I did," he mumbled, suddenly embarrassed that he'd been so presumptuous. Of course you wouldn't want him touching you. Not after everything that Red Room had done to make you associate touch with pain, "I'm–"

"It was nice. It felt...kind."

It was a miracle that Kakashi didn't crash the car. This conversation was full of surprises.

"Orochimaru always saw kindness as weakness," you murmured, voice faraway, "but the Widows didn't always see it that way. When we were younger, before training got intense, we would try to support one another. Kindness didn't become rare until we started training for combat. I even had some friends when I was a kid."

He tried imagining a younger you, and found that he couldn't. He couldn't reconcile the hopelessness that you always seemed to be feeling with the innocence of childhood. Though he supposed that his own childhood hadn't exactly been filled with happy memories.

"Everyone who was kind to me ended up dead. A lot of them died at my hand. Orochimaru didn't want us to be friends. He wanted us to make each other stronger through competition. We were never taught the concept of mercy, so it was always kill or be killed. Only the strongest became Widows. Everyone else was eliminated.

"Kindness always got the people I cared about killed. The only person I was able to save from that fate was Sakura. If she had stayed in the Red Room, it wouldn't have mattered that she was a successful subject for his experiments, or that he could use her as leverage over SHIELD. He would've killed her one way or another. That's why I had to get her out before her...her graduation ceremony. She would've allowed herself to be killed because she understands kindness and mercy in a way that other Widows don't. I couldn't let that happen."

Kakashi didn't want to dwell on the darkness in your tone when you mentioned this "graduation ceremony," and he also didn't want to ask questions when you were already sharing so much with him.

"I can see now why she's so kind. I see that same kindness in you," you muttered, giving him a quick, embarrassed glance. "She always talked about you with so much hope. She said that you would come for her, and that she'd convince you to help me too. She told me that was just who you were.

"You're her hero. And I see why. You're kinder than most people," you said quietly. "I don't want to be the reason that you die."

Kakashi sat in the silence that followed your words and wondered how hard it would be to get his hands on Orochimaru. He wondered how many lives were being torn apart because of his twisted ideals. How many daughters were being given to a monster.

"You don't think you're kind?" he finally asked.

"No, I don't think so," you scoffed, "I've killed a lot of people. People who cared about me. I wouldn't call that kind."

He thought about Obito. He thought about Rin.

"I'm a Widow. That's what I was raised to be, and it's all I'll ever be. That's why I need to leave. Death follows Widows no matter how hard they try to escape it. I thought that I could try to stay and force myself to be something I'm not, but that would be selfish. If I stayed, I would just be hurting all of you in the long run."

"I've killed people, too."

You didn't look up. He took a deep breath.

"I killed my best friend."

The words felt like knives leaving his throat, but he wanted to meet you on even ground. He didn't want you to think that he was any better than you.

You stared at him, and he realized that this was one of the first things he'd shared with you about his life before he took the kids in. It was a life that he had fought desperately to leave behind for their sakes.

"You say I'm kind," he glanced at you. You were already looking at him, "and that you're not. But we've both hurt people that we care about."

Your face twisted, and he could tell that you wanted to argue, but you kept your lips sealed shut.

"It's hard to forgive ourselves for the things we've done. It took me a long time, and some days I feel like I'm back where I started. But then I look at them," he glanced at the backseat fondly, "and I think to myself, 'I found them when they were with people who resented them and hurt them, and they're still some of the best kids I've ever met. If I was able to raise them to hold on to their kindness despite all of the people who hurt them, there must be something good inside of me too.'"

He was having trouble keeping his eyes on the road. He wished he was having this conversation somewhere else, where he could look at you. To make sure that you were hearing what he was trying to say. That you believed the words were true.

"Sakura is kind because that's who she's always been. But she was able to hold onto that kindness in the Red Room because you protected it. That has to mean that there's kindness in you that's worth protecting too."

You shook your head, but he could tell that his words were starting to get through your seemingly impenetrable wall.

"You told me that you'd try," he said, "and I think you meant it."

This threat of HYDRA coming for you was only part of the reason you didn't want to stay. This possibility of a real life away from the Red Room was becoming too real. He could tell that the idea of being free terrified you.

"Just take it all one day at a time. If not for yourself, then for Sakura. Because if you leave, she'll just track you down and drag you back."

Your laugh was quieter this time, but it was real laughter. It was hope.

Arriving back at the compound was somehow more headache-inducing then leaving for it had been. Kakashi hadn't traveled with all of the kids together in four years, but they still acted like the same twelve-year-olds that he remembered with their constant bickering.

Once he got them all inside, he felt some of his tension bleeding away. He'd forgotten how exhausting trips like that could be with so many people jammed in one car.

"Hey. Widow."

Kakashi slumped in defeat at the sound of Sasuke's cold voice. You had been trailing Kakashi into the compound, aimlessly looking for something to do to pass the time, and Kakashi was hoping that you'd be able to sit with him and read Icha-Icha until you went back to sleep and rested for a while. At the very least, he'd been hoping that you would be able to readjust to the compound for a while before Sasuke started more conflicts.

Sasuke's tone was chilly, though that had nearly become a permanent part of his interactions with you. To Kakashi's relief, you looked unfazed by the title as you turned on your heel to face the boy.

"Follow me."

With no more explanation, Sasuke turned and began making his way further into the compound. Kakashi wanted to tell you that you didn't need to indulge in Sasuke's ambiguous request, but when he turned, you had already started following behind the boy.

"Maa, Sasuke," he sighed, "can't we have one day of rest?"

While you weren't sure what to expect when Sasuke stopped in front of a dark room and searched for a light switch, you weren't too surprised when the lights revealed a well-equipped gym.

"Come on," Sasuke nodded towards the middle of the gym where mats were spread out every few feet, all evenly spaced and well-worn. "we're sparring."

You glanced towards the door at Kakashi, who was watching the interaction with interest. Down the hall, Sakura and Naruto were following the sound of Sasuke's commands curiously.

"Sensei, what's going on?"

Sakura's face flushed with anger when Sasuke squared up in front of you. You could hear the disbelief in her tone, and you wished that Sasuke would at least try to be more civil for her sake, but you also understood his unrelenting suspicion.

He was looking at you so furiously, and you found it hard to believe that all of this anger was directed towards you. You vaguely remembered Kakashi mentioning that Sasuke had a brother that he was afraid of, and you wondered if that's who the boy was thinking about right now. Perhaps your intrusion into his life was bringing back unpleasant memories. Or maybe it was the threat that you posed to his family.

When you stepped onto the mat, his attack was immediate. It wasn't the smartest move, but he was likely running on pure emotion. All of his anger at you was finally spilling over, and it was making him sloppy.

Even so, he was a good fighter. His movements were fluid, and he was able to surprise you more than once.

But he was outmatched. You'd been raised to win matches like this.

The fight wouldn't have lasted as long as it did if you'd put your all into it, but it still ended with Sasuke's chest pinned under your knee. He was panting, staring up at you in fury.

"Why did I lose?" he panted after a moment.

You blinked at him, staying crouched at his side when he made no move to stand.

"With more training, you'll improve–"

"No," he snapped, "what did I do wrong? Tell me what I need to do to win."

The kid was determined, you'd give him that. You stood and held a hand out, feeling a small sense of victory when he took it with only a few seconds of hesitation.

"You were letting your emotions guide your actions. While that can be useful in battles of strength, Widows specialize in stealth and agility. You need to be able to focus on every move I make if you want to win. Find the pattern to your opponent's movements. There will always be one. Once you've done that, you can try to exploit it. But you won't be able to find it if you're too focused on being angry."

"Okay," Sasuke gave a short nod and raised his fists, "again."

It took seven more rounds of this for the cycle to break. Naruto had brought a deck of cards to the gym from his room, and he, Sakura, and Kakashi were playing while keeping an eye on you and Sasuke.

"Stop going easy on me," Sasuke growled when you pinned him to the ground for the eighth time. He shoved you away and stood on his own, running a frustrated hand through his hair.

"Alright," you said, "I won't."

Sakura stood at your words and approached the mats nervously, but Sasuke just grinned.

It took about a quarter of the time for you to take him down, but he didn't seem as upset by the outcome this time. In fact, he seemed rather satisfied that you were using your full strength.

"You need to be more flexible with your strategies," you told him when he looked at you expectantly from the floor. "The ones you've developed are good, and they'll serve you well with many opponents, but not with Widows. Fighting elites like the ones trained in the Red Room is like a game of chess. No matter how clever you think your techniques are, once they catch on to the way you move, it becomes about three times easier for them to win. And it won't take long for them to figure you out.

"It's not easy to strategize and fight at the same time, so you'll need to practice until you can predict your opponent's movements based on different factors like where their weight is shifted and what their previous move was. No matter how well-trained someone is, everyone has certain patterns that they fall back on during a fight. When you find it, you have to take advantage. The second you see that your opponent has begun taking on a recognizable form of attack, you can react quickly and catch them off guard."

Sasuke nodded once, then got to his feet again, though he was moving slower now. You hadn't looked at the time since you'd begun, but it had probably been at least an hour.

"I'm done for the day," you waved him off when he raised his fists again, "but you're already improving. You're a quick learner."

"You can keep going," Sasuke bit out, frozen to his spot on the map, "I know you can. You've barely broken a sweat."

"Sasuke–"

You met Sakura's eyes and gave her a subtle shake of your head. Whatever the reason for Sasuke's unrelenting suspicion of you for the past two months, it likely had to do with whatever was going on in his head right now.

When you saw Kakashi looking at you, you tried to read what he was thinking, but he was giving nothing away.

"I didn't say I couldn't," you turned around with a shrug that was likely the cause of his irritated huff, "I just don't want to."

"I don't care," Sasuke spit. "We're going again."

"Why are you so desperate?"

You turned back on your heel and tilted your head at the boy. He looked taken aback, probably too exhausted to recognize the real answers that you were trying to get from him. The way you were attempting to manipulate the boy almost made you feel like Orochimaru. You cut through the thought before you could ponder on it further.

"I'm not desperate. I want to get stronger."

"You've clearly exhausted yourself. Overexerting your muscles isn't good for you, you know."

"No," Sasuke growled. "I haven't. I want to go again."

"Not today," you shook your head, "not unless you can give me a good reason why I should."

"Because we're letting you stay here even though you're more trouble than you're worth," he said with a glare. You ignored the voice in the back of your head telling you that he was right and advanced on him further.

"No, Kakashi's letting me stay here. If it were up to you, I'd have been gone four weeks ago. Try again."

Sasuke was making no efforts to hide how angry he was now, abandoning the progress he'd made during your spars. Now he looked like he wanted to fight you outside of a controlled environment, without Kakashi standing by ready to stop him. You wondered once again if it was really you he was seeing, or if there was someone else he wanted to take his anger out on.

"I need to understand how you were able to keep Sakura safe and get her out when I couldn't even stop her from getting taken," he finally said, though he didn't look happy admitting it to you, "I need to make sure I'm strong enough to beat someone like you. If they come here to hurt the people I care about, I have to be strong enough to stop them."

He was taking on quite a bit on his own, but you knew that you didn't have much room to speak on that issue. Sakura was the only person you'd ever felt that fierce protection for, but you understood his frustration to an extent. At the very least, you understood failure. You understood wanting to make up for failure.

But from where you stood, it looked a lot like Sasuke was punishing himself for his inability to keep Sakura safe.

"Alright," you bent your knees, positioning yourself in front of Sasuke like you each time before in the past hour. His eyes widened before he followed suit, triumphant smirk growing on his lips, "if you win, we'll keep going for as long as you want. We can even pick back up tomorrow if you're not satisfied. But if I take you down first, we stop, and you stop looking at me like I'm the enemy. Deal?"

"Tch. Fine."

This match was admittedly a bit harder that the ones before. While you'd told Sasuke that emotion wasn't the way to win against a Widow, the fury behind his attacks wasn't something to be taken lightly. However, they were sloppily dealt, and his openings were easy to find.

"Alright, then," you said when he was staring up at you from the ground, "that means we're done."

Sasuke looked a little dazed after hitting his head against the mat so many times, but he got to his feet and glanced at you tiredly. He took your outstretched hand with little thought, likely letting himself succumb to exhaustion now that he'd finished sparring for the day. When he began to pull away, you tightened your grip on his hand and pulled him forward so that he was facing you. Your eyes were hard as you stared at him, making sure he wasn't too tired to keep from hearing what you needed to say to him.

"I don't know who you're so angry with," you said lowly, grip tight on his hand, "but you're wasting your energy by placing that anger on me. And if you wanted to get stronger, you could've just asked for my help. A Widow is not a bad ally to have."

He stared at you for a long moment. Then he nodded once and dropped your hand.

You took it for what it was. An acceptance of your olive branch. At the very least, it was one less thing keeping you from staying.

Sasuke left looking significantly calmer than he had when he entered. Following him was a slightly-less angry Sakura and a nervous-looking Naruto who was trying to mediate the argument between the two. You watched them go with a small smile. Maybe now Sasuke could start focusing all of that furious energy where it would be helpful.

It wouldn't hurt to open up to his friends, either.

"Am I...staying in the same room as before?"

You were still looking down the empty hall, watching the kids disappear from view in an effort to keep from looking at Kakashi.

"If you want to," he shrugged, "I don't sleep on the couch here. It's not as cozy."

You didn't want to acknowledge the fear that rushed through you at the idea of spending an indefinite number of days haunted with nightmares, but you also didn't want to admit that being around Kakashi helped so much.

"That's okay," you shrugged, "I wasn't expecting you to."

You cringed at how obvious the lie was.

"Thank you for letting me stay," you turned to him, looking anywhere but his eyes. You felt something sinking in your stomach as you stepped farther away from Kakashi and closer to your nightmares, but you ignored it. You'd spent most of your life sleeping alone. You weren't so weak now that you couldn't handle it anymore.

There was no guarantee that you would always have Kakashi to help you sleep at night. Keeping yourself from becoming dependent on him would only help you in the long run.

Despite the attempts you were making at spinning your solitude into something positive, your fear rocked you to sleep and met you again in your nightmares.

"What are you waiting for?"

"Don't make me hurt her. Please."

"If you won't end it quickly," Kabuto smiled cruelly and pulled a knife from its sheath at his side, "I'll make sure she suffers."

Sakura looked more like a ghost than a person as she sat in front of you, but she was still alive. For now, she was still breathing.

The gun in your hand only had one bullet left. A bullet that was meant for her.

"I'll take her place," you sobbed, falling at Kabuto's feet. The look of disgust on his face was familiar and gut-wrenching. Shame pooled in your stomach.

"You're a traitor," he spat, taking your jaw in one hand and pulling you to your feet, "and this is your penance. We don't need her, so to prove your loyalty, you will take care of the mess that you created."

"Anything else," you begged, "I'll do anything you want, just let her go."

"There's nothing else he wants," Kabuto grinned, cruel and sharp, "you betrayed him after everything he did for you. You threw his kindness away. And for what? Some pathetic attempt at companionship?"

You let out a sob when Kabuto covered your hand with his and curled your fingers tightly around the gun.

"He wants to see you suffer for what you've done," Kabuto grinned wickedly. The hand that he reached towards you almost seemed gentle as it followed the path of your tears down your cheek, but the painless motion ended when he wrapped his fingers around your throat and led you forward. He stopped you when you were back in front of Sakura and dug his nails into the skin of your neck.

"This is what you are," he said quietly, guiding your arm until the gun was pointed at Sakura. She didn't move. She didn't even blink. She just stared at you with the same, empty eyes that you'd seen when she was under Orochimaru's control. Or what you thought was his control.

"You should be proud," his whisper was almost gentle as he covered your hand with his own and turned the safety off with a click, "to serve Orochimaru. He gives you purpose. Show your gratitude."

His hand left yours, but his voice still lingered at your side.

"Don't deny your nature. If you do this, he will allow you back into the Red Room. He will understand that you were simply being led down the wrong path. Correct your mistakes here, and you can come home."

Home. You wanted to be home more than anything.

"Do what you were made for."

The crack of the bullet hitting its target felt like a warm welcome. It felt like a second chance at fulfilling the only purpose you'd ever known.

You woke drenched in sweat and heaving for air. Tears were dried on your face, and you scrubbed at them to rid yourself of the feeling of the salt water pulling at your skin. It felt the same as it had in the dream. You thought you could still feel Kabuto brushing the tears away.

It wasn't a kind gesture. Not like Kakashi's gentle touch had been.

You hadn't fully regained awareness of your surroundings when you stood and stumbled towards your door. You followed the familiar path that you'd taken to Kakashi room before the mission, but stopped with a jolt of nerves as you wondered why you were seeking him out.

What were you doing here? Looking for comfort? Only a couple of months away from the Red Room, and already you couldn't handle sleeping alone.

However, for the first time, your pride was outmatched by your fear. It was consuming you.

You didn't want to be alone.

You knocked quietly on his door. If he had been asleep, it might've been too quiet for him to hear. You almost hoped that he wouldn't open it. At the very least, it would save you from having to explain yourself.

When he did, you were surprised that you felt relief instead of the expected disappointment.

He also looked different than usual.

"You...aren't wearing your mask."

You should've thought of something to say. You probably looked like an idiot, standing at his door and wondering why he would take his mask off to sleep.

"No, I'm not," he said with a small smile. He rubbed a hand over his face, covering most of the skin that was usually hidden by his mask. He felt naked without it, especially when you were looking at him so intently. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh. Yes, it's fine. Sorry to bother you."

The tear tracks on your face told him otherwise. He took your hand to stop you from turning around, noting the way your shoulders went rigid at his touch.

"Do you want to come in?"

No.

You did not want to come in. You wanted to go back to your room. You didn't even know what you were doing here.

You could deal with a few nightmares on your own.

You were stronger than this. Stronger than some fear-driven need to be near another person while you slept.

Nightmares were for children.

You were not raised to be weak.

But...

You were tired. You were so, so tired.

"Yes."

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Author's note | thank you for reading! i'm in the middle of finals right now, but i've had this chapter written for a while, and i had a chunk of time to edit. i have most of the next chapter written as well, so hopefully i can keep getting chapters published regularly. my finals are over on the 15th, so there won't be too long of a wait even if i can't write much in the next week.

anyways, let me know what you guys think of this chapter! i was a bit conflicted about the beginning argument while i was writing it, and it went through significant edits, but i feel like it fits with the readers transition into life with kakashi and the others. don't get used to the hurt/comfort and fluff though, shit hasn't hit the fan yet :) see y'all in the next chapter, and don't forget to leave me some love!

title is from "Fragile" by Laufey

[stafdash]

any way heres the rough draft summery for a fic idea i had

it isn't like sakura hasn't seen weird stuff, she has. in fact she's positive the moment she became the cardcaptor she was doomed to chaos but, seeing a bear, rat, cat thing in front that was telling her that she was in a different universe, while she was standing next to her best friend her boyfriend, a detective and what seemed to be a home less man. she's starting to think that she hasn't even started to see weird yet. aka sakura, tomyo, syaoran and akino get sent to the my hero universe utter chaos ensues

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Okay but Sakura having Kakashi's ninkens as summon is such a amazing idea! Could you make more hc/plot points about it??

Sakura would be so hesitent at first because she can’t really think of a reason they would be a good match for her, but Kakashi convinces her to give it a try. He’ll summon them and she’ll work with them and see if there’s a bond

There is

Sakura works so well with the hounds. They may not be genjutsu focused but they bond well with her earth nature (when Kakashi uses jutsu’s that include the hounds they’re earth style) and they’re fiercly loyal and protective

She decides after two hours that they’re the perfect summons for her

Now i have this headcannon that every hound summoner gets their own hound. One that no other summoner before them has. For Kakashi that’s Pakkun. Sakumo had Akino, etc. Sakura tries out the summon for the first time and instead of one of the eight dogs she knows really well she is greeted with a Sakhalin Husky.

A big dog ready to go and so excited to introduce itself to her. It’s delightful, she loves it. As such, she actually doesn’t get access to Pakkun who has only ever been Kakashi’s hound and would prefer for it to stay that way, but she does get the other seven hounds alongside her new cutie.

Her and her husky bond extremely well. The both of them are very hard headed and brash but incredibly smart. It doesn’t take them long at all to figure out how to work together and Kakashi is watching the entire process like a damn proud Sensei.

Training with the hounds also helps Sakura improve her speed a lot because they are fast buggers and they do not go easy on her at all. Kakashi gives her a training excersis to catch one during one of their first session’s without the boys and this poor girl ends up face first in the dirt with aero captured hounds. It’s pathetic but she’s determined to get better and rectify this situation as soon as she can move again.

She loves to tease Pakkun whenever she see’s him. Bugs him about not thinking she’s good enough for her, and then as she gets to know him and understand his bond with Kakashi she begins teasing him for being a sucker for her weirdo of a Sensei.

During the Kazekage rescue arc it’s Sakura who summons the hounds to track Sasori and Naruto just about falls over when she does it. He was not expecting her to have gotten a summon, let alone their Sensei’s summon. It feels a bit like favoritism but he’s not complaining (much)

Her new dog also works with her to learn new Jutsu’s that she can use with the hounds, teaching her how to summon them to track an enemy using their blood (as Kakashi does using his own blood to track down Zabuza). She even learns the technique Kakashi used on Sasuke in the first bell test to bury him under ground, from her hound. She tries to use it against Kakashi but he avoids her and the humiliation. Her first successful use of that move is against sasori and he’s SO MAD about it but the hounds are damn proud

[puellamagifashion]

Character Masterpost

Original series: Madoka Kaname Ultimate Madoka Homura Akemi Homura Akemi (glasses/plaits)/Moemura Devil Homura Mami Tomoe Sayaka Miki Kyoko Sakura Hitomi Shizuki Nagisa Momoe

Kazumi Magica: Kazumi Subaru Kaoru Maki Umika Misaki Saki Asami Mirai Wakaba Satomi Usagi Niko Kanna Kanna Hijiri Airi Anri ‘Yuuri’/Yuuri Asuka Ayase/Luca Souju Akane Sumire

Oriko Magica: Oriko Mikuni Kirika Kure Yuma Chitose Sasa Yuuki Komaki Asako Lina Hitomi Mio Miyako Saki Mai Akane Erika Mamiya Koito Asako Akira Namekata Miyuki Nagatsuki Futaba Chihana Masumi

Suzune Magica: Suzune Amano Arisa Narumi Chisato Shion Haruka Kanade Matsuri Hinata Kagari Hinata Tsubaki Mikoto Kanami Honoka

Tart Magica: Tart/Jeanne d’Arc Riz Hawkwood Melissa de Vignolles Eliza Celjska Corbeau Lapin Minou Isabeau Pernelle Fleche Lame

Magia Record: Iroha Tamaki Yachiyo Nanami Tsuruno Yui Sana Futaba Felicia Mitsuki Mifuyu Azusa Touka Satomi Alina Gray Nemu Hiiragi Ui Tamaki Rena Minami Momoko Togame Kaede Akino Karin Misono Kanagi Izumi Mitama Yakumo Tsukuyo Amane Tsukasa Amane Kuroe

Kagome Satori Yuna Kureha Hikaru Kirari Ao Kasane Juri Oba Shizuka Tokime Chiharu Hiroe Sunao Toki Himena Aika Shigure Miyabi Hagumu Azumi San Kagura Miyuri Yukari Lavi/Rabi Himuro Asahi Miura Alexandra Kurusu Urara/Ulala Yume Nayuta Satomi Mikage Yakumo Sudachi Sawa Yozuru Sasame Livia Medeiros Mikoto Sena Tsuyu Mizuna Chizuru

Asuka Tatsuki Kanoko Yayoi Natsuki Utsuho Hinano Miyako Sasara Minagi Nanaka Tokiwa Emiri Kisaki Shizuku Hozumi Akira Shinobu Manaka Kurumi Ria Ami Kako Natsume Meiyui Chun Leila Ibuki Seika Kumi

Mito Aino Kokoro Awane Yukika Nanase Hanna Sarasa Ayaka Mariko Himika Mao Sakuya Suzuka Aimi Eri Tsumugi Wakana Ren Isuzu Konoha Shizumi Hazuki Yusa Ayame Mikuri Masara Kagami Konomi Haruna

Rika Ayano Mayu Kozue Sayuki Fumino Moka Megumi Riko Chiaki Maria Yuki Mel Anna Mikura Komachi Seira Mihono Temari Kira Hotori Yuzuki Meguru Hibiki Eternal Sakura/Sakurako Ranka Chizu Rion Yuzuki

Ryo Midori Chika Aoba Hotaru Yura Kanae Yukino Yuuna Kaharu Jun Kazari Ashley Taylor Ikumi Makino Mitsune Miwa Sae Kirino Rui Mizuki Akari Mai Ryoko Natsu Kushu Irina Kuro Mabayu Aki

Other: Pia Undo Overall other characters

[puella-magi-images]

Tags

MEDIA:

Puella Magi Madoka ☆ Magica

Puella Magi Madoka ☆ Magica: The Movie

Magia Record: Puella Magi Madoka Magica [Side Story] (Anime)

CHARACTERS:

Magical Girls:

Madoka Kaname (Ultimate)

Homura Akemi (Glasses | Ribbon | Devil)

Sayaka Miki (Movie)

Mami Tomoe (Holy)

Kyoko Sakura

Nagisa Momoe

Iroha Tamaki

Yachiyo Nanami

Tsuruno Yui (Uwasa)

Felicia Mitsuki (Black Feather)

Sana Futaba (Black Feather)

Momoko Togame (White Feather)

Rena Minami (Black Feather)

Kaede Akino (Black Feather)

Ui Tamaki

Touka Satomi

Nemu Hiiragi

Alina Gray

Mifuyu Azusa

Tsukuyo Amane

Tsukasa Amane

Mitama Yakumo

Kuroe (Black Feather)

Sayuki Fumino

Black Feather

Other Characters:

Kyubey

Little Kyubey

Hitomi Shizuki

Kyosuke Kamijo

Kazuko Saotome

Junko Kaname

Tomohisa Kaname

Tatsuya Kaname

Trailer Girl (the unkown girl in these 3 pictures: 1 | 2 | 3)

Witches/Familiars/Doppels

Patricia (Mathieu)

CHARACTER PAIRS:

Pairs of 2

Madoka & Homura

Madoka & Mami

Madoka & Kyubey

Homura & Kyubey

Pairs of 3

Madoka, Homura & Kyubey

Madoka, Sayaka & Kyoko

Pairs of 4

Madoka, Sayaka, Kyubey & Hitomi

Pairs of 5

Madoka, Homura, Sayaka, Mami & Kyoko

Pairs of 6

Madoka, Homura, Sayaka, Mami, Kyoko & Nagisa

Madoka, Homura, Sayaka, Mami, Kyoko & Kyubey

Pairs of 7

Madoka, Homura, Sayaka, Mami, Kyoko, Nagisa & Kyubey

LOCATIONS:

Cities

Mitakihara City

Labyrinths

Homulilly's Labyrinth

Charlotte's Labyrinth

Walpurgisnacht's Labyrinth

Patricia's Labyrinth

Other

Sakura Church

GROUPS:

Wings of the Magius

ARTISTS:

Ume Aoki

Junichiro Taniguchi

Takahiro Kishida

Hanokage

Hekiru Hikawa

Etsuko Sumimoto

[muffinrecord]

[scarfanon]

Left to right, top to bottom, Minami Rena, Akino Kaede, Futaba Sana, Yui Tsuruno, Mitsuki Felicia, Amane Tsukuyo, Amane Tsukasa, Makino Ikumi, Midori Ryou Yakumo Mitama, Togame Momoko, Nanami Yachiyo, Tamaki Iroha, Uwasa of the Ten-Thousand Year Sakura AKA Hiiragi Sakurako, Azusa Mifuyu, Izumi Kanagi, Miyako Hinano Satomi Touka, Tamaki Ui, Hiiragi Nemu.

kamihama magia union

[puellamagishowdown]

Round 3 Has Finished!

The rounds are getting rougher, I can see you all struggling on who to vote for in some cases. But, before the results, let's talk about something else.

Magia Record has announced it's shutdown. That's really a shame, I like seeing new puella magi. But now I'm wondering if I should have just waited a few days and started this series when I could get good art of Shi. I didn't wait because 1. I thought it wouldn't matter (Yu is proving that point wrong) and 2. because I thought there might be more releases afterwards and thus waiting would mean little. While it's too late now, I do wonder how the matchups would have changed.

Well, if you want the compiled results and comments, you know what to do. Either way, I'll see you all soon for Round 4.

Ayame Mikuri vs Tsubasa Hanekawa (67.2%) - I'll be honest, I didn't think Tsubasa would make it this far. She's the only crossover character left.

Madoka Kaname (70.2%) vs Livia Mederios

Sana Futaba (84.4%) vs Kaede Akino

Mikoto Sena (66.7%) vs Mikage Yakumo

Amaryllis vs Ren Isuzu (51.3%)

Nanaka Tokiwa vs Alina Gray (69.4%) - Am I surprised by this result? No. But I'm still a bit sad, I adore Nanaka's design.

Yu (71.4%) vs Himena Aika - I know Muffin made a whole post as to why people love Yu. That doesn't seems to stop me from being shocked when she beats out Himena (who I thought was popular).

Ashley Taylor (57.5%) vs Mel Anna

Eternal Sakura (70.5%) vs Mayu Kozue

Kanoko Yayoi vs Juri Oba (54.3%)

Kyoko Sakura (73.3%) vs Riz Hawkwood - Three times now Kyoko has gone against a spin-off manga character. And each time she absolutely destroys them.

Mito Aino vs Tsuruno Yui (61.4%)

Mitama Yakumo vs Yuna Kureha (51%)

Ayaka Mariko vs Ui Tamaki (74.4%)

Ao Kasane vs Homura Akemi (80%)

Nagisa Momoe (50.8%) vs Yachiyo Nanami - This one was closer than I expected.

Nayuta Satomi vs Karin Misono (68.2%)

Konoha Shizumi vs Oriko Mikuni (66.7%)

Mifuyu Azusa vs Mami Tomoe (66.4%)

Sayaka Miki (55.8%) vs Ikumi Makino vs Kirika Kure - Our first three-way. The end result is exactly what I expected, but I do applaud those of you who actually voted for Ikumi. You're real ones voting for the dark horse of the three.

[anyon-else]

My Struggling Form, My Willing Soul (The Red Room pt.7) | Sakura is adamant that you stay in the compound permanently, and you're trying to think of any reason why that's a bad idea. You don't expect Kakashi to be the one who convinces you to stay. (Marvel AU) – spotify playlist | read on ao3

Pairings | Kakashi Hatake x Black Widow!Reader + Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha, Naturo Uzumaki, Kakashi's Ninken

Warnings | fem!reader, hurt/comfort, fluff, mentions of torture, mentions of abuse

Word count | 6.7k

(previous chapter) | (next chapter) | (series masterlist)

"I did not like to be touched, but it was a strange dislike. I did not like to be touched because I craved it too much. I wanted to be held very tight so I would not break."

Marya Hornbacher, Wasted

"I don't get it. I slept in the woods for three weeks, completely exposed and relying on a near-stranger to watch my back. And in all that time, I barely had any nightmares after the fourth day. I slept better than I have in years. And then I come here, where it's arguably safer, and I've had one every night. How does that make any sense?"

While Pakkun was giving you what appeared to be his full attention, a huff was his only response to your rambling.

It had been a week since Kakashi left to go to the compound, leaving you with an ample supply of instant ramen and a pack of eight dogs to care for. For the most part, looking after them had given you enough to do that you'd avoided being completely alone with your thoughts. However, since you'd been staying at Kakashi's house, you'd woken up at least once every night drenched in sweat and shaking from phantom pains. Each dream was different, but they all involved the same thing. Pain, either inflicted by others onto you, or you onto others.

"What do you think, hm? Got any wise advice for me?"

Pakkun took in a large breath, then let it out in a long, drawn-out sigh. You'd been reading a book from Kakashi's Icha-Icha collection, and the pug had settled for a nap on top of you. He looked irritated that your one-sided conversation was preventing that.

"You look grumpy, but you're very clingy."

Pakkun grumbled, rolling onto his side and settling in for his nap now that your conversation had run its course.

"You're lucky my phone doesn't have a camera. I'd be taking so many pictures of you right now."

Kakashi had given you a burner phone before he left. Sakura had the number, but she rarely got the opportunity to use it with so many SHIELD agents crawling around the compound. Instead, it was Kakashi who generally contacted you, though it was with the same update day after day: no progress.

While you appreciated his effort to keep you updated, he generally texted you late at night after the doctors had finished working. Every night, you stayed up for his update, received it, and then went to sleep.

It was likely this pattern that made Sakura the main subject of most of your nightmares. In some, Kabuto forced the two of you to fight. In reality, you knew that you would've allowed her to win, but this dream-version of you was ruthless. Your movements were robotic, and your expression was cold and stoic as you watched the life drain from Sakura's eyes.

Orochimaru was always there. He watched with a wicked smile on his face each time you killed Sakura. And when you knelt at his feet, waiting for new orders, Sakura was already on her feet again. Then the cycle would repeat.

In other nightmares, Sakura was in the compound. She was with Kakashi and Sasuke and Naruto and she was happy. Then Orochimaru made her watch as he ordered his widows to kill each one of them in front of her. All you could do was look helplessly at the scene, trapped in some subconscious cage and unable to reach her. Unable to help any of them.

Each time you had a nightmare, you were woken up to a wet nose pressed against your cheek. Most nights, it was Akino who would wake you and curl up against your side. Other nights, you woke to Bull panting in your ear and Pakkun grumbling as he settled on your chest.

They seemed used to waking their companions from nightmares. Almost as if they had a routine response to it.

"Does Kakashi get them too?" you asked Pakkun one night. He gave you the same disgruntled look as always. "I'm sure he does. Probably hard not to when your kid is kidnapped."

The days were idle, but you sometimes wondered if you would be happy living like this. There was no larger purpose to it. No goal but to keep the dogs and yourself alive. But you also felt at peace knowing that you were caring for other living beings. You saw why so many people chose it.

It also gave you an excuse to indulge in Kakashi's sizable backyard. When you were in the Red Room, being outside was a luxury that you were only able to indulge in on missions. Having constant access to fresh air felt like a dream.

"C'mon," you called to the dogs, "outside, let's go."

All eight rushed through the door when you opened it, jumping over one another in their haste to race around the yard. Only Pakkun seemed content to sit at your side and rest his head against your thigh.

After a while, Bull wandered towards you and rested his head in your lap, looking up at you expectantly.

"Thirsty?" you asked the bulldog. "Hold on, big guy. I'll be right back."

"Y/N!"

The familiar call of your name made both you and Bull turn towards the source. Bull was quicker to react than you, his thirst forgotten. It took you a moment to start moving so that you could see past the gate.

The voice came from the opposite side of the gate. Pakkun jumped up when he saw Kakashi unlatching it, and he was quickly followed by the rest of the pack. You released a shaky breath when you saw Sakura looking over his shoulder, waving wildly at you with a grin.

You sidestepped Kakashi and the pack of dogs competing for his attention and met Sakura in a tight hug. Something loosened in your chest that you hadn't realized bound itself up. She was safe.

"I missed you," she said happily, the words muffled in your shoulder. You laughed and squeezed her tighter.

"I missed you too," you laughed, pushing her away enough that you could give her a once-over. There weren't any physical changes that you could see, and she seemed relatively unharmed, but that didn't stop fear from growing from its root in your stomach. Why were they here?

"Looks like the dogs are still alive," Sasuke grumbled behind Sakura, followed closely by Naruto. He seemed surprised that all of the dogs were unharmed and presumably well-fed in your hands.

"Of course they are," Sakura shot back, and you noted the guilt that crossed Sasuke's face when he met her icy glare.

Once they had given Kakashi a thorough greeting, Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto were given an equally enthused welcome by the pack. They switched between the three with wagging tails, and the kids seemed just as happy to reciprocate. Even Sasuke had a fond smile on his face as he rubbed behind Bull's ears.

"Thank you for looking after them," Kakashi said, taking up Sakura's empty space next to you. The two of you watched the dogs pile on top of Naruto until the boy could barely be seen, but you could hear his laughter from underneath. "I hope they weren't too much of a handful."

"They were good. It was nice," you added as an afterthought. "I didn't realize you were all coming here."

"We sometimes come when we want a break," Kakashi shrugged, "I figured they could use it."

It only took a moment for you to break out of the domestic fantasy that you'd been living in for the past week.

"Did something change?"

Sakura seemed normal. She was moving around fine, and nothing looked out of the ordinary. But yesterday, the update had been the same. No progress.

"The doctors couldn't find anything," Kakashi sighed, "if there had been anything in her system to begin with, they think it probably passed after it had been deactivated. They're guessing that it was some form of the chemical agent that was mentioned in HYDRA's files, but since we're missing so many years of information, they can't know for sure.

"The good news is, since the doctors think that it was a one-time use, we probably have nothing to worry about. The only thing they want us to do is keep an eye on her."

"If there had been anything?" you repeated. That implied the possibility that there hadn't been anything wrong to begin with.

"SHIELD sent a psychiatrist to talk to Sakura, and I told him that Sasuke was the one who found her. He raised the possibility that, since this has been a time of high-stress, Sasuke could have been exaggerating how bad things really were. He suggested that Sakura was just having a psychological episode when she attacked, and that Sasuke misinterpreted it as mind control."

"You've got to be kidding me," you scoffed. When you glanced at Kakashi, you expected to see the same anger that you felt at this assumption, but all you saw was guilt. He wasn't meeting your eyes. "You're not serious."

"I'm not saying that there was nothing wrong–"

"No," you held a hand up, silencing him immediately, "I don't want to hear it. I know what happened. I've told you dozens of times. It wasn't some episode. It was Orochimaru looking at me that night, not Sakura."

"I know you believe that," Kakashi muttered. He winced at his own choice of words, "but you're not exactly...in a good state of mind right now. You've been seeing things for weeks. You attacked me because you couldn't remember that you'd escaped the Red Room and you thought I was an enemy. I'm just saying that there's a possibility that...that Sakura was just having a nightmare and thought the same thing about you. Those kinds of responses to trauma aren't uncommon."

That couldn't be true. That night...it hadn't felt like any of your other panic attacks, and it hadn't felt like a hallucination.

"I know what I saw. I'm...I am not crazy, Kakashi."

"I never said that."

You needed to think. You almost wished you could lock yourself away and pretend that you were still in the Red Room. Things hadn't been pleasant, but they had been simple.

You didn't spare a glance at Sakura as you strode inside, though you felt her eyes on your back. You felt all of them watching you as you retreated back inside.

Anger and guilt fought furiously in your mind, and nausea swirled in your stomach at Kakashi's words.

There had to be some other explanation. You would never forget the look in Sakura's eyes when she wrapped her fingers around your throat. You'd never seen such pure hatred on her face before.

Kakashi and the others had probably been discussing this. They likely came to the mutual conclusion that you were out of your mind and unable to give a proper account of that night.

It made sense. You were an outsider. Even to Sakura, you were a companion that she'd been forced to hold onto rather than someone she chose. But now she had her family back. Kakashi probably told them everything that happened during the mission, from what you'd found about your parents to your episode only four days into the three weeks that you were away.

In their eyes, you were the basket-case who wasted a month of their time because you weren't in control of your own mind. You'd taken their teacher away for nothing, leaving Sasuke and Naruto to try and help Sakura heal without him. And if what they thought was true, it had all been for nothing.

Logically, it should've been a good thing. If what Kakashi told you was correct, it meant that Sakura hadn't been in any danger to begin with. But you couldn't help the dread that kept you huddled on your bed in the spare room, curled into yourself as you replayed Sakura's attack over and over again. This was your life now. Without Orochimaru, you were breaking apart and dragging the others down with you.

You heard someone enter the house a while later, and you weren't surprised to hear Sakura knocking at your door with a quiet request for entrance. She sounded nervous, and knew Kakashi probably told her why you were upset, if he hadn't out right requested that she come talk to you.

"Come in," you sighed, hoping she wouldn't notice how anxious you were.

"I'm sorry," was the first thing she said. You winced; why did you need an apology from her, of all people? None of this was her fault. And if you could just stop being so selfish and worrying only about yourself, she wouldn't have to worry about you either.

"Why?" you forced a small smile, but it only made her frown deeper, "you don't need to be sorry, Sakura. You didn't do anything wrong."

She nodded, but didn't look any more convinced than she had when she walked in.

"I just...I wish I could remember what happened that night. Then maybe I could help us find answers."

That burden shouldn't have been hers to bear. This was your responsibility, and you failed.

"Don't be mad at Kakashi-sensei," she said quietly, eyes cast downwards at where your hands were gripping the sheets. You released the white fabric and locked your fingers together, "he's just trying to make sense of this. We all are."

I have made sense of it, you wanted to tell her, I know Orochimaru. I know that this is something he would do.

But you weren't so sure now. You had been questioning what was real and what was just a product of your panic for weeks now.

You were supposed to be strong for her. She was the one who needed your support, not the other way around. When Kakashi hadn't been there, you'd taken care of her. That wouldn't change just because you were unable to gain proper control over your mind.

"I know," you said, attempting another reassuring smile. This one seemed to work a bit better than the last, as she returned it and let some of the tension drain from her shoulders, "I'm just happy you're safe."

"I'm happy you're safe too," she said with a watery laugh, "and Kakashi-sensei and I were talking. He agreed that, if you'd like to, you should stay here for a while."

Your immediate instinct was to reject this offer on the same grounds as you had the last time, but you supposed that Ino had given you some leverage by making it appear that you were dead. Assuming her ruse had worked, the main issue keeping you from accepting Sakura's offer would be...

"Sasuke and Naruto agreed too," she added. You raised a brow at her, unconvinced that Sasuke had been as willing as she was making it sound. She winced, "it did take some convincing."

"I don't know, Sakura," you murmured. While the thought of what you would do after Sakura was safe had crossed your mind, you always pushed it off as a secondary problem. And while you weren't convinced that Sakura was safe, from what Kakashi had told you, you weren't needed anymore, "I don't think I'd fit in well here."

"Of course you would!" Sakura waved a hand, pushing the thought away. "He won't admit it, but Kakashi-sensei likes you. He was worried about leaving you here for so long."

"I think he might have been more worried about his dogs," you corrected, but her expression didn't change. "You four are a family. I'd only get in the way of that."

"You're my family too," Sakura said firmly, taking your hand from your lap and holding it between hers, "and I want you to be safe. Where else would you go?"

It was a fair question. Since you began planning your escape, it had always been about Sakura getting back home. You'd never given much thought to what you'd do. The only thing that you could come up with was going back to the Red Room, but that wasn't exactly a viable option. You also knew that it wasn't want pulling you back, but the need for familiarity and routine. Despite all of the pain you experienced there, you knew that having a sense of purpose again would be something of a relief.

"I don't know. I'd figure something out," you tried reassuring her. You were an adult; you should've been more than capable of creating a life for yourself outside of the Red Room. Sakura didn't need you anymore; you'd done what you could for her. Staying any longer in your current mental state would only burden her further.

But maybe there was a chance for redemption here. A chance to heal.

"Let me sleep on it," you finally answered. You tried not to let the hope on Sakura's face convince you to stay right then and there; Sakura wasn't the only one you would be living with. You couldn't imagine that the others, even Kakashi, were eager to make you a permanent fixture of their daily lives. Kakashi had seen your mental state first hand; you doubted that he'd so easily put you in close quarters with his students.

"You can be happy here."

That was what she left you with. It was a thought that you ruminated on for hours, long after the others had come inside and gone to their rooms. When you looked at the clock again, hours had passed, and you were still no closer to a decision. Things were moving too fast for you to keep up.

This was new to you. Independence was not one of your strongest traits. It was rare that you'd ever made this kind of decision for yourself.

After another hour of stewing in your frustrations, you wandered into the kitchen for a change of scenery. You weren't going to sleep anytime soon, and sitting in a dark, empty room certainly wasn't doing you any favors.

Instead of the solitude that you'd been expecting to find, you saw Kakashi rummaging around the kitchen with a bowl of instant ramen sitting next to him.

"It's late," you grumbled, "don't you have a bed?"

Kakashi didn't seem surprised to see you awake either, though he also didn't look as frustrated as you felt. You could feel some leftover anger from your last conversation bubbling up. You'd been hoping to avoid speaking with him until tomorrow, especially now that you had two reasons to be avoiding him, but you supposed that this was a fitting way to end an already unpleasant day.

"You of all people should understand what insomnia is like," Kakashi retorted with a short chuckle.

You huffed, turning your attention to Shiba when he sat at your side. His face was the picture of contentedness as you buried your fingers in the thick fur on his head.

"Tea?" Kakashi asked over his shoulder, pouring himself a cup and raising a second in question. You felt some of your anger drain away. You were too tired to be so upset.

"Alright."

There was likely little harm in something so soothing. The only problem was that this appeared to be an invitation to spend more time with Kakashi, which wasn't something you were eager to do. But a conversation about what Sakura had told you did need to happen, and now was as good a time as any to get it over with.

You took the steaming cup that he handed you and followed him to the couch in the middle of the living room. Akino and Pakkun were already lounging on it, and Kakashi lifted the latter up and moved him to the middle cushion so that he could take the left side. Pakkun grumbled at Kakashi, but settled on his lap a few moments later. Akino lifted his head when you settled on the opposite side and rested it on your leg with a contented sigh.

"Sakura talked to you?"

"Yes," you sighed, focusing on Akino's slowly rising and falling back rather than Kakashi's studious gaze on you, "I found it hard to believe that you agreed to let me stay so easily."

"I spent a month with you where you had every opportunity to kill me. You didn't."

"I hope that's not your only criteria when looking for a roommate."

"No," Kakashi huffed, "but like I told you before, I trust you. And you obviously don't have anywhere else to go."

You glared at him despite how right he was. You would be wandering the streets if this opportunity hadn't been offered to you. If that were the case, you'd likely be found by HYDRA too, despite Ino's efforts. Orochimaru had eyes everywhere, but they had become limited within SHIELD in the past year. The offer really was too good to be true.

"So, what? I just become a part of your little group? There's no way Naruto and Sasuke are okay with that."

"They've barely interacted with you. And Sasuke is like that with most people before he gets to know them. Just give them some time."

"Why are you so insistent about this? You said it yourself; I'm 'not in a good state of mind,'" you repeated bitterly, ignoring Kakashi's guilty wince, "you really want me around your students?"

"I don't know if you've noticed, but none of us are the pillar of good mental health. All of us have baggage, but we help each other deal with it. That's what makes us such a strong team."

It was all too easy. You escaped the Red Room with little trouble, Sakura was apparently never in any danger of Orochimaru's mind control to begin with, and now you were being offered the chance to have a home. A real home, with people who weren't looking to exploit you.

It was terrifying.

"I thought you'd jump at the chance to stay with Sakura."

"I...of course I want to stay with her, I just..." you buried your face in your hands, looking for the words to articulate your inner turmoil, "I could still bring HYDRA here. Ino said it herself: what she did might not have been enough to keep HYDRA away."

"What's the real reason?"

The silence that followed his words was heavy, and you sat in it uncomfortably while you tried to think of a good way to avoid the question. The truth was, you didn't know why. Maybe you didn't want to taint the good thing that the four of them had. Maybe you didn't know how to survive in an environment that didn't constantly threaten you with life and death decisions. How were you supposed to function in a place that seemed so...so good? You weren't good. You would only poison the life that they had.

"I don't belong here."

"'Belong.'" Kakashi chuckled, repeating the word like you'd told him a bad joke, "how do you think we all ended up together? All of those kids were outcasts. I was too. None of us belong anywhere. That's why we found each other."

It's not the same, you wanted to scream, but really, you had no idea if it was. You didn't know their stories. You only knew Sakura's, and that was certainly the case for her.

Maybe you could consider the possibility that you could be okay here.

"I'm not trying to force you, but you don't have many other options. And I know you've thought about going back to the Red Room, but that's not happening. Not while Sakura has any say in it," Kakashi said, setting his empty bowl on the floor for Shiba. "Or while I do."

It was an afterthought, and it shouldn't have surprised you as much as it did, but it still sent an unexpected shock down your spine. This was all happening too fast. Too many people were entering your life. You could feel yourself becoming emotionally overstimulated as each day passed, but you tamped the feeling down. You didn't need Kakashi seeing another breakdown.

"I wasn't planning on it," you muttered, though he was right in assuming that the thought had crossed your mind. It was a hard thought not to consider when the Red Room was all you had ever known.

"Glad to hear it," he said, taking a long sip of his tea. You followed suit, resenting his ability to be so nonchalant during these kinds of conversation. You weren't sure if you could get more tense if you tried.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

"Fine."

"You don't have to lie."

You almost snapped at him. Why would he be the person that you opened up to about anything? But as soon as the thought crossed your mind, your anger dissipated. Aside from Sakura, there weren't many other people that you would talk to.

But that didn't matter. You were fine. At the very least, you were fine enough that you didn't need him psychoanalyzing you.

"I didn't mean to upset you earlier."

"I think I'm going to go to bed," you said, stopping the conversation in its tracks before you had to think about your state of mind on top of the decision you had to make. There were too many things to sort through, and you didn't have the energy to do it right now. Not when Kakashi kept looking at you like he could see right through you.

You gave Akino's head a scratch when he grumbled at you for moving him, but he settled his head back on the pillow that you situated in front of him to replace your leg.

"Goodnight," Kakashi said. You muttered the same, barely loud enough for him to hear, and retreated back to your room. You brought your nightmares with you.

The next night, you didn't fare much better. You woke from a nightmare at midnight, and soon after you heard Kakashi's door open. His soft footsteps moved towards the kitchen, and despite telling yourself that spending any more time with was a bad idea, you found yourself following the sound of the faucet and clinking glasses.

This time, he was sitting on the couch with a book, feet propped on Bull's back. Next to him on the couch was the volume of Icha-Icha that you'd been reading.

On the table in front of him were two cups of tea, steaming and warmly inviting you in.

You stopped to take in the scene, though Kakashi didn't look up at your entrance. Pakkun was on his lap, which seemed to be a common occurrence at this time of night, and the pug lifted his head to watch you as you contemplated whether or not to accept Kakashi's silent invitation.

Pakkun grumbled at you, eyes drooping tiredly. He was waiting for you to move, the little bastard.

You sat carefully on the opposite side of the couch, watching Kakashi like he would pounce at you the moment you let your guard down. He seemed unbothered by the attention, completely consumed by his book.

A bookmark was tucked into the pages of the volume you'd been reading. You remembered leaving it out on his bookshelf where you could easily find it, and you were almost embarrassed that he knew you'd been looking through his things. Still, you opened it to the bookmarked page and hesitantly began reading over the page.

Admittedly, the tea was very comforting.

Pakkun settled his head back on Kakashi's lap when you opened the book. Kakashi didn't move. If you didn't know better, you'd wonder if he had even noticed you sitting down.

Hours later, you were still glancing nervously between Kakashi and the book, though your distraction was becoming more infrequent. Kakashi looked completely engrossed in his novel, and it had been about an hour since either of you had moved past turning the page every few minutes.

You felt your eyes starting to get heavy, but the idea of sleeping was unpleasant at best. You didn't need Kakashi seeing you waking up from a nightmare. Not after he'd already seen it during the mission. But the idea of leaving the comfort of the living room seemed worse than risking having a nightmare in his presence.

Before you had fully made up your mind, your book had already fallen into your lap. When you drifted off, your nightmares were a distant memory.

You hadn't realized how addicting a pleasant night's sleep was until after you'd begun having nightmares again. What infuriated you was that the deciding factor for whether or not you had a pleasant night's sleep seemed to be Kakashi. You tried to think back and deduce what had triggered the seemingly random attachment, but came up empty. There had to be some reason for it, something logical that explained why you rarely had a nightmare when you slept in the same room as him.

Instead of giving you answers, thinking about it just left you frustrated. That didn't mean, however, that you stopped reading with him at night.

After the first couple of days, you fell into an easy routine. Kakashi would get up at around midnight, and when you gave up trying to fight the urge to follow, you'd enter the living room to see a volume of Icha-Icha on the couch and a cup of tea on the table. Each night, Pakkun would lift his head to look at you when you entered the room. You swore that his expression became more smug each time you came out.

After hours of reading with Kakashi, you'd fall into a dreamless sleep. Upon waking, Kakashi would be up and rummaging around the kitchen. Some mornings, a heavy weight in your lap would wake you, usually either Bull's large head on your thigh or Biscuit curling up on your legs.

Sakura generally woke next, though she never questioned your constant presence on the right corner of the couch. Instead, she'd take up Kakashi's empty spot and lay on your shoulder to continue resting.

You were relieved to see that she was already breaking her habits from the Red Room. Even just allowing herself more time to rest in the morning was a victory.

By the time Sasuke and Naruto wandered out of their rooms, Kakashi would have a small breakfast ready for the five of you.

The routine should've been comfortable. It should've been a sign that staying here with Sakura and the others would be good. And the problem was that it was making you comfortable. You weren't sure what to do with comfort. The unfamiliarity of it made you wary to accept it as your new normal.

But Sakura was okay. HYDRA thought you were dead. There was nothing keeping you from staying. You wondered if you'd get used to it if you just gave yourself some time. Maybe your nightmares would disappear completely, and the Red Room would become a distant memory that wasn't constantly trying to fight its way to the surface.

"Why do you come out here?" you asked Kakashi one night, almost a week since he'd come back to the house. You'd finished a volume of Icha-Icha and had been staring at the last page for at least five minutes, contemplating whether or not to say something. It almost felt wrong to break the silence that always persisted throughout the night; even more so when Kakashi looked at you instead of keeping his eyes focused on his book.

"Hm?" he tilted his head.

"You come out here every night," you stated, setting your book down. "When do you sleep?"

"I sleep when I'm tired," he shrugged, "same as you. And I like it out here."

It wasn't the answer you were looking for. What you really wanted to ask was why he'd been so sure that you'd join him every night that he made you a cup of tea and set out a book for you. You wondered when you'd gotten so used to it that you stopped questioning it altogether.

"I haven't had a nightmare in a week," you said instead. You felt like you were treading dangerous ground, and you almost wished you'd kept quiet.

"Oh?" Kakashi set his book down. "Good."

You nodded, though you knew by the tilt of his head that he saw your discomfort. He watched you flip absentmindedly between pages and waited for you to continue.

"I only started having nightmares like this when I met Sakura. Even when we were together, I couldn't figure out how to stop having them" you muttered, closing your eyes to try and stave off your impending anxiety. Sharing these kinds of things was frowned upon in the Red Room, and doing it now was almost painful.

Sakura was the one who taught you how to be open. How to be vulnerable. She guided you while you learned that the way you lived in the Red Room was not the only way to do so.

She'd be proud of you for this.

"I was fine during the mission," you glanced at him, "and I've been fine since I started sleeping out here. It was only when you left that I started having them again."

His silence was more frustrating than it should've been. Was he really going to make you say it?

"I don't get it," you huffed. You should've planned for the conversation better. Though at the moment, it wasn't much of a conversation.

"Neither do I."

Now Kakashi was the one who looked uncomfortable. He had admitted something. You didn't have the full picture, not yet, but it was a start. A start to understanding why you were becoming so dependent on him without wanting to.

"What?" you breathed, finally looking at him while he avoided your eyes. He looked down at Pakkun, who was staring at him with curious eyes.

It took him a moment to gather his thoughts. He looked at the ceiling, maybe hoping that the words he was looking for would be scratched into the paint. When he found nothing helpful, he met your eyes again.

"I've dealt with nightmares for a long time. But when we went on the mission, I stopped having as many. When I went to the compound, I had them every night. I saw Sakura being taken again and again. Some nights I saw..."

He paused and shook his head.

"Now they're gone again. I've been wondering why you seem to be the common factor."

It was hard to believe that he was having the exact same problem as you, and you couldn't decide if your mutual struggle made you feel better or worse. Mutuality would make it harder to break this habit that was beginning to form.

Did you really need to break it?

You silenced the voice in your head quickly. Of course you did. Whether or not you chose to stay, you couldn't live with Sakura and Kakashi forever. Soon or later, HYDRA would catch up to you. You'd seen it before. Runaway Widows rarely made a life for themselves. The idea of independence was often too much for them, and they came crawling back. That was one of the reasons Orochimaru raised Widows the way that he did. He knew that they wouldn't be able to stay away.

You felt that pull too. It kept you up at night.

"You look stressed."

"I am stressed," you said with a laugh, almost in disbelief that you were having this conversation with him, "It'll just be harder to leave if I know that you're..."

"So you decided?"

He asked it so nonchalantly that you almost answered, yes, you had decided. You wanted to stay, but you caught yourself. You hadn't decided. What you wanted was not the only factor you needed to consider. Sakura's safety was more important. It was more important than your own safety, so if leaving helped ensure that she was out of harm's way, that's what you would do.

"Can I say something?"

The fact that he was asking made you wary to give him permission, but you nodded.

"I think you're looking for a reason to leave," he said, "and you're trying to twist this into a bad thing."

"I'm not twisting it," you said with a glare, "I just don't understand why I can only sleep through the night when I'm around you. And even more confusing is why you can't seem to get a good night's sleep without me."

"Maybe you feel safe around me," he shrugged, and before you could negate the statement, he added, "and maybe I feel safe around you too."

"That doesn't make sense."

"Doesn't it?" he shifted, much to Pakkun's chagrin. The pug stood from his lap and wandered towards you, laying down with a disgruntled look in Kakashi's direction. "You protected Sakura in the Red Room for four years, and I've protected her for most of the rest of her life. It makes sense that we would see safety in one another."

It did make sense. So much sense that you wanted to throw the thought away and never revisit it again. The idea of relying on someone this much made a weight settle on your chest. Orochimaru hadn't taught you to need other people. He taught you the opposite. He taught you how to survive despite pain and fear, and eventually, he taught you how to crush those weaknesses. Now you couldn't handle a couple of bad dreams.

"Ironic, considering you attacked me when we first met," Kakashi spoke under his breath, though there was no trace of contempt in his voice.

"I thought you were testing me," you muttered, as if that was reason enough for the second time you'd attacked him.

You didn't understand this. You didn't understand why he was so insistent that you stay.

"Why does it matter to you what happens to me?"

"I think you deserve the chance to be happy. Just like Sakura."

You were so angry. Angry with Kakashi for making you rely on him. Angry at Orochimaru for turning you into this poor excuse of a human being. Angry at yourself for the tears gathering in the corners of your eyes, another sign of your weakness.

Silence crowded the room, and you felt pressed in by it. Tears fell down your cheeks in slow streaks, but you ignored them.

You couldn't keep from flinching when Kakashi reached a hand towards you. He paused, knuckles frozen inches from your face. You eyed his hand like you were waiting for it to form into a fist and strike you; waiting for the familiar ache of a bruise forming on your cheek.

When you met Kakashi's eyes, he moved closer until his knuckles brushed a tear off of your cheek. The touch was lighter than anything you'd experienced, and more gentle than you'd expected. Other than Sakura, no one had ever treated with so much care.

"Ino was wrong," he whispered, opening his hand and brushing his thumb over the wet trail where your tear had fallen. You were frozen in place, forcing yourself to not react to his touch. You wanted to flinch away or push him back on instinct, but nothing was hurting. Nothing felt wrong, "you're not a lost cause."

You had trouble believing that. Kakashi dropped his hand from your face.

"I'm sorry that no one told you that until now."

More tears followed the ones Kakashi had wiped away. This was too much. You were unprepared for the emotions that were swirling in your chest.

"It's too good," you croaked, voice watery, "all of this is too good. I shouldn't be in a place like this. I'm...I'm not meant for it."

"I thought that too," Kakashi said, voice hoarse, "a long time ago. I've done things that I regret, and for a long time, I was convinced that I didn't deserve to be happy. That my penance was to ward off anything good that came my way. But the things that we have been forced to do are not our fault. Our regrets don't define us."

You felt the lump in your throat growing the longer he spoke, and you tried your hardest not to break down in front of him.

"At least try," he murmured, voice quiet and low.

Your words were failing you. You still felt where Kakashi had brushed his thumb over your cheek. If you opened your mouth, you were afraid you'd only break down.

You nodded, and it didn't feel like a betrayal of Orochimaru. It felt like a second chance.

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Author's note | title is from "Through Me (The Flood)" by Hozier