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trans-duckling · 4 months ago

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For Them to Have Your Eyes: Welcome

Gai was very anxious to meet their child, but he had to admit his rival’s feelings about it were stronger. Not because he was not as excited, of course! But rather because Kakashi wanted both to meet the kid and to get rid of the extra weight he had to carry around.

At some point, Gai had tried to reassure him saying he was just as handsome as before the pregnancy, but the Hatake had glared at him aggressively and he had ended up sleeping on the sofa that night. Sakura had assured him that response was most likely due to the hormones, so he shouldn’t worry about having said something wrong. The next day, Kakashi had challenged him to wear a vest that imitated the pregnancy during the whole day, and Gai had then understood why his partner complained so much and so often.

Sure, he was a taijutsu master and carrying extra weight around was kind of his thing, but that was… Something else. The position was uncomfortable, pulling at your muscles and getting in the way of almost every movement you did. After the agreed twenty-four hours of challenge, he had been glad to throw the vest away, although he had been polite enough to say that if it made the Hatake feel better, he would keep wearing it. Kakashi had then started crying and demanded cuddles, so he guessed at least that time the hormones were playing in his favor.

Surprisingly, the day —or rather night— in which his rival’s water broke, he was completely calm and composed. At least at the beginning.

It was almost midnight and they were preparing for going to bed. This meant a whole ordeal in their household at the moment, the pillow and blankets needing to be arranged in an exact position to not bother Kakashi. It also implied cleaning the path from his side of the bed to the bathroom, leaving the doors open for the several moments of the night when the Hatake would undoubtedly wake up needing to pee. Most of the time, Gai would awake as well or one of the dogs would accompany him in case something happened.

“Gai” Kakashi called from the bathroom, “can you…?”

He was there before the other man could finish the sentence, his wheels drifting on the wooden floors.

“What is it? What do you need?”

“A hospital, preferably” the Hatake said as he put his mask slowly up.

“WHY?! Did you fall?! I told you to ask for help if…”

“Gai” his rival cut him with a pointy look. “Just look at the floor for a moment.”

There was a small puddle over the bathroom’s tiles, not very big but still dangerous.

“Did you slip with the water?!”

“No, Gai” Kakashi sighed, his tone annoyed. “I stained the floor with my amniotic fluids when my water broke.”

So, he hadn’t fallen. Everything was alright, then…

Wait.

Oh.

“REALLY?!”

His scream was enough to alert the dogs scattered around the house, their paws hitting loudly the ground as they ran to the bathroom.

“What is it?” Akino asked, looking around as if expecting an enemy. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong” the Hatake sighed again. “My water broke, so I’m ready to give birth. Now, why don’t we get to the hospital so I can go through this with the support of some competent people?”

“Right. RIGHT!” Gai exclaimed, adrenaline running through his body as he turned towards the ninken. “Bull, take the emergency bag that it’s packed in the wardrobe. Uhei, Pakkun and Biscuit, go looking for Tsunade-sama, Shizune and Sakura and make sure they are available at the hospital. The rest of you, come with us.”

The dogs moved quickly under his commands, Urushi, Guruko, Shiba and Akino following them as Gai accompanied Kakashi to the bedroom so he could change his pants and underwear. He needed his assistance for it, but they were done quickly and as soon as Bull had the baby bag hanging from the mouth, they left for the hospital.

Barely a second after Gai wheeled himself down the ramp with Kakashi on his lap, two ANBU figures appeared at his side.

“Is it time?” Yamato asked.

“Yup, I’m ready to push this baby finally out of me” the Hatake joyfully said. “Let’s go!”

Was it weird that his rival sounded more happy in that moment than during the last month? Gai thought back on the pregnancy vest and shuddered. Yes, that tracked.

“Are you sure you don’t want us to carry him, Gai?” Yugao intervened. “We could…”

“I’m perfectly capable of getting my rival to the hospital, thank you very much” he complained. “Unless he wants it otherwise.”

“Nah, I’m good.”

Happy with the answer, Gai made sure Kakashi was perfectly safe on his lap before start wheeling himself forward with as much strength as he was. In under thirty seconds they had left the outer part of the village —where they lived— and entered the city center. A minute and a half, and they were at the hospital’s doors. Ha, as if Yugao or Yamato were able to keep up with his speed even if he was on a wheelchair.

The five ninken that had left the house with them were at their side just a moment later, as well as the ANBU guards who would undoubtedly protect Kakashi from the shadows as he gave birth. On the other hand, Uhei, Pakkun and Biscuit waited inside of the hospital together with the three medic-nin that would make sure the whole process went smoothly.

“Ready to meet your brat, brat?” Tsunade asked with a smile.

“Hey, my kid will only be half a brat” the Hatake reclaimed with a huff. “Don’t forget who is the other father.”

“Well, I would appreciate if nobody called our kid a brat before they’re even born” Gai pouted.

The others chuckled at the comment, Shizune and Sakura helping Kakashi to get up and transfer onto the gurney they had brought to the entrance. Being so late at night, the place was empty except for the couple of administrative at the front desk, which Gai guessed made his rival more comfortable. From there, they moved to a big individual room were the whole procedure was planned to take place.

“Ok, guys, I know you like Kakashi and all that, but there are too many of us in here at the moment” Tsunade said, looking at the ninken, “so, I must ask you to leave.”

“But he’s our summoner!” Uhei complained.

“Yeah, and his pup will be our pup to raise!” Pakkun added.

“I’m pretty sure Gai and me are the ones supposed to do the raising” his rival commented.

“Sure, you will help.”

Gai was starting to seriously suspect a kidnapping coming from the ninken.

“Well, you can do all the baby raising you want once they are actually here” the Sanin pushed. “Now, off you go.”

She shooed them out of the room with her hands, to which the dogs responded with glares and whines. However, as Kakashi didn’t say anything to oppose Tsunade’s declaration, they followed the instructions. And by that Gai meant that they sat at the other side of the room, their breaths still audible from the inside.

“Ok, we can start now” the Godaime indicated, turning to the Hatake once again. “First, how long ago did your water break? And how are you feeling?”

“It happened about five or seven minutes ago, and so far I’m good, pain manageable.”

“Well, it won’t stay that way much longer.”

Gai was not sure if that was the kind of encouragement Tsunade should be offering, but he was not the medical expert in there, so he remained silent.

“Tsunade-sama…” Shizune complained.

“I’m just stating the truth, and you know it as much as me” the Sanin said as she put on some gloves. “Now, I need to examine you. Do you want us to help you to change, or just Gai?”

“Just him” the Hatake quickly answered.

Nodding, Tsunade offered Gai a medical gown and then started to close the curtain around the bed to give them some privacy. They had previously talked about the whole arrangement and they made a great team, so even with Kakashi’s difficulties to move around, they were able to undress him rather fast, gown in place just a minute later.

“Are you ready to meet our kid?” Gai asked in a low voice.

“Yeah, but that I remember we may be a few hours away from that, and before I have to suffer quite a bit.”

Gai grimaced, knowing the delivery would be one of the most unpleasant experiences for Kakashi due to several reasons. Even if he knew it wouldn’t change much, he kissed him softly on the forehead.

“I love you.”

The Hatake nodded, smiling with his eyes and giving after a signal to indicate he was ready to continue. Gai moved then to open the curtains, revealing the three women again.

“Everything set? Good” the Godaime said. “We’ll start with an examination to see how far dilated you are, ok?”

Another nod and she made some movements to shift Kakashi’s legs in the correct position. Gai stayed by his side, taking the Hatake’s right hand in his when he saw him grabbing the sheets as if he was about to be tortured. As previously accorded, Sakura and Shizune stayed back but ready to intervene if necessary.

“I’m going to start now” Tsunade indicated with a calm smile.

Gai knew the exact moment in which her hands made contact with Kakashi’s body, as his rival stiffened and increased the strength of his grip to an almost painful level. Still, his eyes didn’t move away from the Sanin even for a second, which allowed him to detect the sudden tension on her shoulders.

“W-What is it?” Kakashi asked in an uncomfortable tone.

“It feels like the baby shifted positions in the last three days” she said, not sugarcoating anything. “I need to check your belly with medical ninjutsu to be sure, but I believe the baby is breech.”

Through all the pregnancy, Gai had read enough books to know what that meant.

“So, their feet are coming first? Isn’t that dangerous?”

“It will be if I don’t take a decision quick enough.”

“Then, hurry” the Hatake barked, fangs probably showing after the surgical mask.

“Believe it or not, brat, I know how to do my job” Tsunade responded as she removed the gloves and stood up to position herself by Kakashi’s left side. “I will do all I can to ensure both yours and the baby’s health.”

Unmaking the knots Gai had done in the side of the medical gown, she lifted it carefully to reveal as little skin as possible before moving her hands under it and over the Hatake’s belly. A soft, green glow came out a moment after and his rival face changed again into an uncomfortable expression. Thankfully, Tsunade just needed a couple of seconds to do the examination.

“The baby is definitely breech” she said, turning then to Sakura and Shizune. “We need to prepare for an emergency c-section.”

The other two kunoichis nodded and began moving with precision, removing some items and bringing others from the back of the room. Barely a couple of minutes after, the whole setup had changed.

“Ok, do you remember what the plan for this was?” Tsunade asked while looking at them.

Gai nodded, his brain going over all the explanations they had gotten, as well as everything he had learnt from the books. There was a part of him screaming that it was not time for questions and wanting to panic, but he shut it up.

“You’ll put the lower part of his body to sleep, and set up a few tubes for meds” he said. “Then a couple of incisions and the baby will be born.”

“That summarizes it up quite well, yes” the Godaime smiled, her hands moving to receive the line Shizune was offering. “Are you ready, Kakashi?”

Taking a glance back at his rival, Gai was able to recognize the signals normally indicating that his anxiety was firing up. They were subtle, but still there, and he was about to intervene when the Hatake closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he came back, he nodded with a decisive look in his face.

“Yes, I am.”

There was a small squeeze on Gai’ hand, to which he responded with one of his own. They were ready.

The next moment, Tsunade put the line in Kakashi’s left arm and Shizune pushed in some medication. Afterwards came the catheter and the anesthesia, as well as the cleaning of the abdomen. Once everything was ready and it was clear his rival’s lower body was asleep, the Sanin took the scalpel.

There was no visual barrier between them and the kunoichis, that being one of the Hatake’s conditions for the intervention. He trusted all of them, of course, but the thought of a knife cutting his body while he was awake and lacking control over it activated too many of his shinobi alarms. If the down part of that situation was having to see his own body being cut and blood coming out, he was fine with it. Gai, even if he was not particularly enthusiastic about it, knew that at the end it was Kakashi’s decision and, since it wouldn’t affect his or the baby’s health, he agreed with it.

Seeing the scalpel cutting his skin and feeling nothing more than a brushing sensation was weird, Kakashi decided. Also a little bit disturbing. If being honest, the first second after Tsunade had said a c-section was necessary, he almost let out a “thank Kami-sama”. As stated before, he was rather attached to his genitals, but that didn’t mean he felt comfortable with someone else besides Gai looking at them, let alone feel the deformation they would suffer during birth.

Of course, all that had gone through his mind in under a second and then the rest of the information had slapped him. The baby was at risk. That was everything he needed to know to agree with whatever Tsunade thought it was best.

As the Sanin worked with the support of the other two kunoichis, Kakashi kept an eye on her, not even capable of looking at Gai. He didn’t need it, either. The other man’s presence was noticeable from his peripheral vision, and his hold was strong against the Hatake’s hand. Even if Gai was strangely silent, he knew he was there for him.

Time moved slowly and it felt like an eternity until the next words came out from Tsunade’s mouth.

“I’m taking the baby out now.”

A mix of nausea and excitement filled Kakashi as he saw his skin separating enough to let a head come out, quickly followed by the rest of the body. There was no pitch-high cry as he expected, but instead Sakura approached quickly with a clean blanket that was covered in blood and other liquids in no time.

“W-What…?”

“I’m going to clear their airway, sensei, it’ll be just a second.”

Kakashi almost jumped out of the bed upon seeing his student turning away with his baby, but she stopped next to Tsunade, one hand holding them while the other took the utensils given by Shizune. Her movements were fast and precise, working on the baby’s mouth and nose while the umbilical cord was still hanging. A moment later, a cry echoed in the walls, strong and beautiful.

“There you go!” Sakura smiled. “I know from who you got those lungs, baby.”

“Gai, do you want to cut the umbilical cord?” Tsunade asked, hands still working with green ninjutsu on Kakashi’s belly.

“Y-Yeah.”

The taijutsu master moved almost mechanically, eyes not leaving the baby until the distance between him and the Hatake forced him to let of his hand. His sight fell then on Kakashi, as if doubting of releasing the hold. He decided to do him a favor, retreating his fingers and nodding with an exhausted smile.

“Take the scissors and cut in between here” Shizune indicated, handing him the utensil. “That’s it, perfect.”

As soon as the umbilical cord was cut, the world seemed to start moving faster. Sakura stepped a meter away with the baby to let them over a small table where she started the first examination. As much as Kakashi knew all that was necessary, he could not avoid feel anxious. Tsunade’s green chakra became more intense as she worked on him with Shizune’s assistance, but the Hatake still kept his eyes on the baby.

When Sakura finally approached with them still in the dirty blanket and just a hat on their head, he felt tears filling his eyes and his heart beating so fast he thought it would come out of his chest.

“Here you go, sensei, meet your child.”

Yep, he was definitely crying and, judging by the soft noises coming from his side, Gai was as well.

The baby was simply perfect. Very pink and wrinkled and dirty, but perfect. As soon as Gai reacted and helped him to remove the upper part of his medical gown, their child was pressed against his chest as he hold them, the crying stopping soon after.

It was as if the world had stopped. It didn’t matter that Sakura was looking over them like a hawk, ready to intervene at the sight of the smallest problem. Or that Shizune and Tsunade were still working on him. The only thing that mattered was the new life currently on his arms.

Gai’s and his child.

“You… They…” the other man sobbed. “You’re both perfect.”

Kakashi nodded, feeling completed as Gai’s body moved closer to his, leaving the wheelchair and sitting at the end of the mattress with one arm falling over his shoulders and the other resting over the baby’s head, covering it completely. A new feeling appeared wild and strong in the Hatake’s chest, almost like a natural instinct. The desire… No. The need of protecting them. His family. His world.

Gai was overjoyed. And ecstatic. And energized! There was so much energy inside of him that he didn’t even know how he was capable of staying put. Or rather he knew, but didn’t understand. It felt as if, didn’t matter what happened outside of that room, he would never leave as long as his family was there. Not to train, not to fight, not to talk to his students. And he loved his students! But that new feeling was… was something else.

At the moment, the room was empty except for them, the medic nin agreeing they were capacitated enough to detect and call in case any dangerous change appeared. Kakashi had been closed up soon after the birth, recovery set to be fast and without complications if they followed the indicated recommendations. Considering he was a shinobi and he had had the three best medical nin of the country taking care of him, he could choose to go back to work in under a week. Of course, Gai would strongly push against it, as well as Tsunade, Shizune and Sakura had. And, considering one of those women was the assistant of the Hokage, she had promised to make sure he had at least one month of full paternity leave.

So, it was only them and their baby. Their baby.

“What are you thinking about?” his rival asked, shifting slightly.

It was the first time he heard him talking since the birth, before just nodding or shaking his head whenever one of the kunoichis asked him something, as if scared of taking his eyes away from the baby. Now that they were alone, that fear seemed to have minimized.

“I love you” the words escaped Gai’s mouth, his body still pressed against his rival’s. “I love you and I’m so proud of you for this.”

Kakashi chuckled.

“You’re talking as if what I did was a miracle.”

“It is for me.”

From the moment they were left alone in the room, his rival had removed his surgical mask, so it was easy for him to see the soft smile on his lips. Even if the Hatake’s expression was tired, he seemed incredibly satisfied. Just as he should.

“You didn’t panic, and I know you were scared” he continued. “Even after having all our plans broken, you composed yourself and did magnificent, rival. You will make a perfect dad.”

“I would say that’s taking it a little bit to the extreme, Gai” Kakashi softly laughed. “We’re shinobi, so panic doesn’t control us easily. You reacted even ahead of me.”

“Well, yes, but… You were the one going through it, rival, I was just looking. What you did… I believe it’s nothing short of a miracle.”

Instead of trying to refute his words, the Hatake just nodded and moved his eyes back to the baby on his chest. They had been alone for almost an hour, so they had had time to feed them with the donated milk they would be using, but the child refused to fall asleep yet. Their big, black eyes were fixed on Kakashi, as if wanting to remember that face they would probably see more than any other person in the world.

“You know, at the end I had it my way” his rival said, one finger brushing over the baby’s chest. “They have your eyes.”

This time, it was Gai who laughed.

“Yes, but the hair looks like a mix of both of us. Maybe their eyebrows will grow as well.”

The Hatake rolled his eyes at the comment, but he was smiling. Gai moved one hand to accommodate their child’s hat, not wanting them to lose any heat. Underneath it, soft baby hair was mostly grey on top and dark black in the lower part of the head. It seemed smooth at the moment, but he would love to see it growing and become a mane as impossible to tame as his rival’s.

“We still haven’t decided on a name” Kakashi pointed out. “What do you think?”

“Well, of all the names we discussed, I like Keiki and Rei, but if you have other preferences…”

His rival laughed happily and freely, making Gai fall in love with him all over again.

“I can’t believe we have reached an agreement without even talking much about it” he said, adding after seeing his confused face: “I like Rei as well.”

“Oh!” he exclaimed, separating his body just slightly to better look at his rival. “So, we… Uh, have a name for them?”

“Yeah, I believe we do” Kakashi declared, looking down at their child. “Welcome to our lives, Rei.”

Babies did not smile. At least not so soon. Their muscles were simply just not developed enough for it. And still, Gai believed this one did. A prodigy from the beginning.

“Why don’t you hold them for a while?” the Hatake suggested a moment after.

“I would love to! But, uh, are you sure? Sakura said that skin to skin contact was very important for the both of you, so…”

“She said you can do it as well, just remove the upper part of your jumpsuit, Gai” the other man reminded him. “I’m feeling well enough, but my arms are a bit tired and I know you want to hold them, too.”

Of course he did. Jealousy was not usual on Gai, but he had to admit feeling it for the last hour. Therefore, he didn’t hesitate a moment more and stood up —his left leg almost failing him after so long sitting in an awkward position— to start removing his jumpsuit. When the upper part was rolled down over his hips, he sat back on his wheelchair and extended his arms at Kakashi to transfer the baby safely.

Something ignited inside him the second the new weight made pressure against his skin. Rei reacted as well, mumbling a bit before settling again and focus their eyes on Gai.

“Hi” he said, voice slightly trembling. “I’m your papa.”

Rei made a gurgling sound and his heart melted a bit. It was strange, to be so excited that you could do ten thousand push-ups in one go, and still feel uncapable of moving.

As he hummed quietly, he noticed their newborn slowly falling asleep against his chest and Gai felt at peace then. His family was there, safe and protected. Their students and friends would surely come soon to meet Rei, and he gave top another hour before their summons broke into the room, demanding to meet the baby.

He hadn’t had it easy after waking up from opening the Eight Gate. In a couple of occasions, he had even asked for his suffering to end. Now, he was glad they didn’t listen to his words, instead pushing him towards recovery. If that was what it took to be with Kakashi and Rei, he would do it as many times as necessary.

#kakagai #gaikaka #kkg #hatake kakashi #maito gai #might gai #trans kakashi #trans hatake kakashi #naruto #fanfic #pregnancy #love #gay #the baby is hereeeee #their name is Rei #and I love them

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anyon-else · 2 years ago

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Will You Let Me Come Closer to You? (The Red Room pt.8) | You know that staying is a bad idea. Deep down, you know that it will only lead to more pain and loss. But for some reason, it's becoming harder and harder to tear yourself away from this new home. (Marvel AU) – spotify playlist | read on ao3

Pairings | Kakashi Hatake x Black Widow!Reader + Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto Uzumaki, Kabuto Yakushi, Orochimaru (mentioned)

Warnings | fem!reader, hurt/comfort, mentions of scars, mentions of death, allusion to suicide, abuse

Word count | 5.6k

(previous chapter) | (next chapter) | (series masterlist)

"The dog that weeps after it kills is no better than the dog that doesn't. My guilt will not purify me."

Anonymous

"Alright, pack it up and get in."

Kakashi was too tired for this.

The night after your conversation, Kakashi had waited in vain for you to come out from his spare room. He wasn't too surprised when your door remained firmly shut long past the time when you usually joined him, but he was still slightly disappointed. When he woke up from a nightmare gasping for breath and looking around for nonexistent threats, his first thought was whether or not you'd kick him if he knocked on your door and asked that you come out and join him again.

When he saw you the next morning, you looked just as exhausted as he felt. However, he wasn't too tired to notice that you were purposefully avoiding his eyes.

"Sensei!" Naruto shouted from the door, arms full of bags that certainly hadn't been necessary to bring, "are we bringing the pups?"

"Iruka is staying here for a few weeks for a mission. He'll take care of them."

Naruto pouted and knelt down to an equally disappointed-looking Akino. Kakashi huffed; the kids spoiled his dogs too much. They were all getting too mushy to be guarding the house.

"We really can't stay for a few more days?" Sakura asked, throwing her bag into the back of the car. Her luggage was much lighter than what she used to bring when they came here on mini-getaways. Kakashi didn't want to think why that was, but he couldn't help but imagine how little she was likely permitted to have while in the Red Room.

"I'd like to get back to the compound. We're disconnected from SHIELD here, and I don't want to be out of the loop for too long."

He almost wished she'd fought him on the decision more, but her curt nod almost reminded him of a formal response to an order. He felt a headache coming on as he pictured that same response being given to Orochimaru.

Maybe he was overthinking things.

"You look terrible," Sasuke said, glaring at something behind Kakashi. He glanced at where you were slipping past Naruto with a bag slung over your shoulder and a deep scowl pointed at the ground. Sakura snapped at Sasuke to be nice, and Sasuke's answering shrug did little to make her lower her defenses. The boy gave you one last glance before climbing into the front seat of Kakashi's car.

"Nope," Kakashi shook his head, "back."

"Wha– why? For her?"

Sasuke pointed a disbelieving finger at you while you tried very hard to look like you weren't paying attention to the argument. You looked uncomfortable with his attention, and Kakashi took note of your uncharacteristic silence and stowed it away as something to ponder on later.

"Yes, for her. You children will be in the back."

Sasuke scowled at Kakashi, then glared past him at you. Kakashi waited beside the passenger door until his charge slipped out and trudged towards the backseat. He looked like the model of an angsty teenager; his arms were crossed tightly over his chest, and a deep scowl was directed at the trees in the distance. Kakashi felt his headache grow worse.

Sakura settled into the seat beside Sasuke with a quiet warning to be nice. He ignored her and propped his chin on his hand, turning even further towards his window.

"This isn't necessary," you muttered behind Kakashi. Stubbornness seemed to be a trait that you and Sakura shared, though he wondered if you had picked some of it up from the girl, "I can sit next to Sakura."

"It's alright. They're used to sitting back there."

"Still..."

For the first time since the night before, you met his gaze. You looked exhausted and beyond exasperated with the conflict. You participated in a stare-down with him for a moment, but climbed into the passenger seat with a grumble about how difficult he was being.

The drive was only a few hours, but it didn't take long for Naruto to fall asleep with his head resting on Sakura's shoulder. When the four of them went on road trips like this before Sakura was taken, she rarely tolerated Naruto's lack of physical boundaries. Kakashi was surprised when he glanced back and saw that she hadn't pushed him off like she used to. Now, she looked content to let the boy lean on her. Kakashi smiled behind his mask.

Sasuke, for all of his efforts to look the part of a brooding teenager, followed suit and fell asleep on Sakura's other shoulder. Kakashi almost asked if you would take a picture for him, but thought better of it when he noticed how tensely you were sitting in the passenger seat.

"How did you sleep?" he asked, ignoring your pointed glare.

"I slept fine."

"Mm. I'm glad to hear that."

"Right," you grumbled. The silence that followed was thick with tension, but he was patient. He could wait you out.

"You know, you almost had me fooled."

That wasn't what he was expecting.

"I don't know what you mean."

"This little game," you said venomously, spitting the words out like you couldn't stand to keep them in, "that you think you can play. Making me dependent on you. Acting like it's mutual. I've played it before, but it'll take more than that to manipulate me."

His hands tightened on the steering wheel, head spinning at the accusation. He thought you would've noticed the bags under his eyes that matched yours, though he supposed that you'd barely looked at him since the night before. Still, he'd hoped that you'd built at least a little bit of trust. At the very least, he thought you considered him an ally.

"That's not what I'm doing."

"I don't care, you know," you grumbled, leaving his words ignored, "if you want to use me. I don't care. But you could at least tell me what you want from me."

"I thought we went over this," Kakashi shook his head, "I'm not using you. I don't want to use you. I just want to help."

"And what makes you think I want your help, hm? I didn't ask for it. In fact, I never asked for you to bring me back in the first place. You took me. If you knew what was good for you, you'd drop me off at the next town and forget about me."

Kakashi glanced in the mirror to make sure the argument hadn't woken the kids, but you were staying conscious of your volume despite the anger in your voice.

"Is that what you want?"

The silence that followed gave him his answer. You were glaring at your lap, hands clenched hard around the phone he'd given you.

"Does it matter?" you muttered, "I keep going over it in my head, and every scenario I can think of ends with HYDRA finding me. Sakura doesn't want to acknowledge how dangerous it is for me to be here, but you know what the world is like. I know you do. And you know that it's inevitable that I leave. Whether it's on my own or with Orochimaru is up to me."

He remembered you saying that you would try to stay last night, and he wondered if it had been a lie or if you had changed your mind.

He wondered just how scared you were of letting yourself have a home.

"You know I shouldn't stay. The things I said last night...I wasn't thinking straight. It's dangerous for me to be here. I don't want to bring any more trouble to you and the kids."

"Is that what that was?" Kakashi chuckled, "trying to get me mad so I'd kick you out?"

Your silence was awfully telling. It was giving him more answers than your words did.

"Well, it's not easy to manipulate me either. And Sakura would probably just leave with you if I told you to go," Kakashi noted, glancing back at the girl. She had shifted and was resting her head on Sasuke, mouth open and drool hanging off her lip, "besides, she's just as dangerous, isn't she? HYDRA thinks you're dead, so she's the one they'll be looking for now."

He needed to find the right words. If he did, maybe some of the tension in your shoulders would drain out.

"If I overstepped last night," he said quietly, hoping that talking about such a vulnerable moment wouldn't shut you down, "I apologize."

You both paused when Naruto mumbled something incoherent. You went rigid at the interruption, and Kakashi was almost impressed that you were talking this freely in front of Naruto and Sasuke, even if they were asleep. Maybe you were improving more than he was giving you credit for.

"You touched me."

He closed his eyes. He hadn't meant to make you uncomfortable. It had taken him a long time to get used to the amount of affection that kids wanted, especially after being neglected for so long. But after so long taking care of them, it had almost become a natural instinct to comfort someone with touch.

"I did," he mumbled, suddenly embarrassed that he'd been so presumptuous. Of course you wouldn't want him touching you. Not after everything that Red Room had done to make you associate touch with pain, "I'm–"

"It was nice. It felt...kind."

It was a miracle that Kakashi didn't crash the car. This conversation was full of surprises.

"Orochimaru always saw kindness as weakness," you murmured, voice faraway, "but the Widows didn't always see it that way. When we were younger, before training got intense, we would try to support one another. Kindness didn't become rare until we started training for combat. I even had some friends when I was a kid."

He tried imagining a younger you, and found that he couldn't. He couldn't reconcile the hopelessness that you always seemed to be feeling with the innocence of childhood. Though he supposed that his own childhood hadn't exactly been filled with happy memories.

"Everyone who was kind to me ended up dead. A lot of them died at my hand. Orochimaru didn't want us to be friends. He wanted us to make each other stronger through competition. We were never taught the concept of mercy, so it was always kill or be killed. Only the strongest became Widows. Everyone else was eliminated.

"Kindness always got the people I cared about killed. The only person I was able to save from that fate was Sakura. If she had stayed in the Red Room, it wouldn't have mattered that she was a successful subject for his experiments, or that he could use her as leverage over SHIELD. He would've killed her one way or another. That's why I had to get her out before her...her graduation ceremony. She would've allowed herself to be killed because she understands kindness and mercy in a way that other Widows don't. I couldn't let that happen."

Kakashi didn't want to dwell on the darkness in your tone when you mentioned this "graduation ceremony," and he also didn't want to ask questions when you were already sharing so much with him.

"I can see now why she's so kind. I see that same kindness in you," you muttered, giving him a quick, embarrassed glance. "She always talked about you with so much hope. She said that you would come for her, and that she'd convince you to help me too. She told me that was just who you were.

"You're her hero. And I see why. You're kinder than most people," you said quietly. "I don't want to be the reason that you die."

Kakashi sat in the silence that followed your words and wondered how hard it would be to get his hands on Orochimaru. He wondered how many lives were being torn apart because of his twisted ideals. How many daughters were being given to a monster.

"You don't think you're kind?" he finally asked.

"No, I don't think so," you scoffed, "I've killed a lot of people. People who cared about me. I wouldn't call that kind."

He thought about Obito. He thought about Rin.

"I'm a Widow. That's what I was raised to be, and it's all I'll ever be. That's why I need to leave. Death follows Widows no matter how hard they try to escape it. I thought that I could try to stay and force myself to be something I'm not, but that would be selfish. If I stayed, I would just be hurting all of you in the long run."

"I've killed people, too."

You didn't look up. He took a deep breath.

"I killed my best friend."

The words felt like knives leaving his throat, but he wanted to meet you on even ground. He didn't want you to think that he was any better than you.

You stared at him, and he realized that this was one of the first things he'd shared with you about his life before he took the kids in. It was a life that he had fought desperately to leave behind for their sakes.

"You say I'm kind," he glanced at you. You were already looking at him, "and that you're not. But we've both hurt people that we care about."

Your face twisted, and he could tell that you wanted to argue, but you kept your lips sealed shut.

"It's hard to forgive ourselves for the things we've done. It took me a long time, and some days I feel like I'm back where I started. But then I look at them," he glanced at the backseat fondly, "and I think to myself, 'I found them when they were with people who resented them and hurt them, and they're still some of the best kids I've ever met. If I was able to raise them to hold on to their kindness despite all of the people who hurt them, there must be something good inside of me too.'"

He was having trouble keeping his eyes on the road. He wished he was having this conversation somewhere else, where he could look at you. To make sure that you were hearing what he was trying to say. That you believed the words were true.

"Sakura is kind because that's who she's always been. But she was able to hold onto that kindness in the Red Room because you protected it. That has to mean that there's kindness in you that's worth protecting too."

You shook your head, but he could tell that his words were starting to get through your seemingly impenetrable wall.

"You told me that you'd try," he said, "and I think you meant it."

This threat of HYDRA coming for you was only part of the reason you didn't want to stay. This possibility of a real life away from the Red Room was becoming too real. He could tell that the idea of being free terrified you.

"Just take it all one day at a time. If not for yourself, then for Sakura. Because if you leave, she'll just track you down and drag you back."

Your laugh was quieter this time, but it was real laughter. It was hope.

Arriving back at the compound was somehow more headache-inducing then leaving for it had been. Kakashi hadn't traveled with all of the kids together in four years, but they still acted like the same twelve-year-olds that he remembered with their constant bickering.

Once he got them all inside, he felt some of his tension bleeding away. He'd forgotten how exhausting trips like that could be with so many people jammed in one car.

"Hey. Widow."

Kakashi slumped in defeat at the sound of Sasuke's cold voice. You had been trailing Kakashi into the compound, aimlessly looking for something to do to pass the time, and Kakashi was hoping that you'd be able to sit with him and read Icha-Icha until you went back to sleep and rested for a while. At the very least, he'd been hoping that you would be able to readjust to the compound for a while before Sasuke started more conflicts.

Sasuke's tone was chilly, though that had nearly become a permanent part of his interactions with you. To Kakashi's relief, you looked unfazed by the title as you turned on your heel to face the boy.

"Follow me."

With no more explanation, Sasuke turned and began making his way further into the compound. Kakashi wanted to tell you that you didn't need to indulge in Sasuke's ambiguous request, but when he turned, you had already started following behind the boy.

"Maa, Sasuke," he sighed, "can't we have one day of rest?"

While you weren't sure what to expect when Sasuke stopped in front of a dark room and searched for a light switch, you weren't too surprised when the lights revealed a well-equipped gym.

"Come on," Sasuke nodded towards the middle of the gym where mats were spread out every few feet, all evenly spaced and well-worn. "we're sparring."

You glanced towards the door at Kakashi, who was watching the interaction with interest. Down the hall, Sakura and Naruto were following the sound of Sasuke's commands curiously.

"Sensei, what's going on?"

Sakura's face flushed with anger when Sasuke squared up in front of you. You could hear the disbelief in her tone, and you wished that Sasuke would at least try to be more civil for her sake, but you also understood his unrelenting suspicion.

He was looking at you so furiously, and you found it hard to believe that all of this anger was directed towards you. You vaguely remembered Kakashi mentioning that Sasuke had a brother that he was afraid of, and you wondered if that's who the boy was thinking about right now. Perhaps your intrusion into his life was bringing back unpleasant memories. Or maybe it was the threat that you posed to his family.

When you stepped onto the mat, his attack was immediate. It wasn't the smartest move, but he was likely running on pure emotion. All of his anger at you was finally spilling over, and it was making him sloppy.

Even so, he was a good fighter. His movements were fluid, and he was able to surprise you more than once.

But he was outmatched. You'd been raised to win matches like this.

The fight wouldn't have lasted as long as it did if you'd put your all into it, but it still ended with Sasuke's chest pinned under your knee. He was panting, staring up at you in fury.

"Why did I lose?" he panted after a moment.

You blinked at him, staying crouched at his side when he made no move to stand.

"With more training, you'll improve–"

"No," he snapped, "what did I do wrong? Tell me what I need to do to win."

The kid was determined, you'd give him that. You stood and held a hand out, feeling a small sense of victory when he took it with only a few seconds of hesitation.

"You were letting your emotions guide your actions. While that can be useful in battles of strength, Widows specialize in stealth and agility. You need to be able to focus on every move I make if you want to win. Find the pattern to your opponent's movements. There will always be one. Once you've done that, you can try to exploit it. But you won't be able to find it if you're too focused on being angry."

"Okay," Sasuke gave a short nod and raised his fists, "again."

It took seven more rounds of this for the cycle to break. Naruto had brought a deck of cards to the gym from his room, and he, Sakura, and Kakashi were playing while keeping an eye on you and Sasuke.

"Stop going easy on me," Sasuke growled when you pinned him to the ground for the eighth time. He shoved you away and stood on his own, running a frustrated hand through his hair.

"Alright," you said, "I won't."

Sakura stood at your words and approached the mats nervously, but Sasuke just grinned.

It took about a quarter of the time for you to take him down, but he didn't seem as upset by the outcome this time. In fact, he seemed rather satisfied that you were using your full strength.

"You need to be more flexible with your strategies," you told him when he looked at you expectantly from the floor. "The ones you've developed are good, and they'll serve you well with many opponents, but not with Widows. Fighting elites like the ones trained in the Red Room is like a game of chess. No matter how clever you think your techniques are, once they catch on to the way you move, it becomes about three times easier for them to win. And it won't take long for them to figure you out.

"It's not easy to strategize and fight at the same time, so you'll need to practice until you can predict your opponent's movements based on different factors like where their weight is shifted and what their previous move was. No matter how well-trained someone is, everyone has certain patterns that they fall back on during a fight. When you find it, you have to take advantage. The second you see that your opponent has begun taking on a recognizable form of attack, you can react quickly and catch them off guard."

Sasuke nodded once, then got to his feet again, though he was moving slower now. You hadn't looked at the time since you'd begun, but it had probably been at least an hour.

"I'm done for the day," you waved him off when he raised his fists again, "but you're already improving. You're a quick learner."

"You can keep going," Sasuke bit out, frozen to his spot on the map, "I know you can. You've barely broken a sweat."

"Sasuke–"

You met Sakura's eyes and gave her a subtle shake of your head. Whatever the reason for Sasuke's unrelenting suspicion of you for the past two months, it likely had to do with whatever was going on in his head right now.

When you saw Kakashi looking at you, you tried to read what he was thinking, but he was giving nothing away.

"I didn't say I couldn't," you turned around with a shrug that was likely the cause of his irritated huff, "I just don't want to."

"I don't care," Sasuke spit. "We're going again."

"Why are you so desperate?"

You turned back on your heel and tilted your head at the boy. He looked taken aback, probably too exhausted to recognize the real answers that you were trying to get from him. The way you were attempting to manipulate the boy almost made you feel like Orochimaru. You cut through the thought before you could ponder on it further.

"I'm not desperate. I want to get stronger."

"You've clearly exhausted yourself. Overexerting your muscles isn't good for you, you know."

"No," Sasuke growled. "I haven't. I want to go again."

"Not today," you shook your head, "not unless you can give me a good reason why I should."

"Because we're letting you stay here even though you're more trouble than you're worth," he said with a glare. You ignored the voice in the back of your head telling you that he was right and advanced on him further.

"No, Kakashi's letting me stay here. If it were up to you, I'd have been gone four weeks ago. Try again."

Sasuke was making no efforts to hide how angry he was now, abandoning the progress he'd made during your spars. Now he looked like he wanted to fight you outside of a controlled environment, without Kakashi standing by ready to stop him. You wondered once again if it was really you he was seeing, or if there was someone else he wanted to take his anger out on.

"I need to understand how you were able to keep Sakura safe and get her out when I couldn't even stop her from getting taken," he finally said, though he didn't look happy admitting it to you, "I need to make sure I'm strong enough to beat someone like you. If they come here to hurt the people I care about, I have to be strong enough to stop them."

He was taking on quite a bit on his own, but you knew that you didn't have much room to speak on that issue. Sakura was the only person you'd ever felt that fierce protection for, but you understood his frustration to an extent. At the very least, you understood failure. You understood wanting to make up for failure.

But from where you stood, it looked a lot like Sasuke was punishing himself for his inability to keep Sakura safe.

"Alright," you bent your knees, positioning yourself in front of Sasuke like you each time before in the past hour. His eyes widened before he followed suit, triumphant smirk growing on his lips, "if you win, we'll keep going for as long as you want. We can even pick back up tomorrow if you're not satisfied. But if I take you down first, we stop, and you stop looking at me like I'm the enemy. Deal?"

"Tch. Fine."

This match was admittedly a bit harder that the ones before. While you'd told Sasuke that emotion wasn't the way to win against a Widow, the fury behind his attacks wasn't something to be taken lightly. However, they were sloppily dealt, and his openings were easy to find.

"Alright, then," you said when he was staring up at you from the ground, "that means we're done."

Sasuke looked a little dazed after hitting his head against the mat so many times, but he got to his feet and glanced at you tiredly. He took your outstretched hand with little thought, likely letting himself succumb to exhaustion now that he'd finished sparring for the day. When he began to pull away, you tightened your grip on his hand and pulled him forward so that he was facing you. Your eyes were hard as you stared at him, making sure he wasn't too tired to keep from hearing what you needed to say to him.

"I don't know who you're so angry with," you said lowly, grip tight on his hand, "but you're wasting your energy by placing that anger on me. And if you wanted to get stronger, you could've just asked for my help. A Widow is not a bad ally to have."

He stared at you for a long moment. Then he nodded once and dropped your hand.

You took it for what it was. An acceptance of your olive branch. At the very least, it was one less thing keeping you from staying.

Sasuke left looking significantly calmer than he had when he entered. Following him was a slightly-less angry Sakura and a nervous-looking Naruto who was trying to mediate the argument between the two. You watched them go with a small smile. Maybe now Sasuke could start focusing all of that furious energy where it would be helpful.

It wouldn't hurt to open up to his friends, either.

"Am I...staying in the same room as before?"

You were still looking down the empty hall, watching the kids disappear from view in an effort to keep from looking at Kakashi.

"If you want to," he shrugged, "I don't sleep on the couch here. It's not as cozy."

You didn't want to acknowledge the fear that rushed through you at the idea of spending an indefinite number of days haunted with nightmares, but you also didn't want to admit that being around Kakashi helped so much.

"That's okay," you shrugged, "I wasn't expecting you to."

You cringed at how obvious the lie was.

"Thank you for letting me stay," you turned to him, looking anywhere but his eyes. You felt something sinking in your stomach as you stepped farther away from Kakashi and closer to your nightmares, but you ignored it. You'd spent most of your life sleeping alone. You weren't so weak now that you couldn't handle it anymore.

There was no guarantee that you would always have Kakashi to help you sleep at night. Keeping yourself from becoming dependent on him would only help you in the long run.

Despite the attempts you were making at spinning your solitude into something positive, your fear rocked you to sleep and met you again in your nightmares.

"What are you waiting for?"

"Don't make me hurt her. Please."

"If you won't end it quickly," Kabuto smiled cruelly and pulled a knife from its sheath at his side, "I'll make sure she suffers."

Sakura looked more like a ghost than a person as she sat in front of you, but she was still alive. For now, she was still breathing.

The gun in your hand only had one bullet left. A bullet that was meant for her.

"I'll take her place," you sobbed, falling at Kabuto's feet. The look of disgust on his face was familiar and gut-wrenching. Shame pooled in your stomach.

"You're a traitor," he spat, taking your jaw in one hand and pulling you to your feet, "and this is your penance. We don't need her, so to prove your loyalty, you will take care of the mess that you created."

"Anything else," you begged, "I'll do anything you want, just let her go."

"There's nothing else he wants," Kabuto grinned, cruel and sharp, "you betrayed him after everything he did for you. You threw his kindness away. And for what? Some pathetic attempt at companionship?"

You let out a sob when Kabuto covered your hand with his and curled your fingers tightly around the gun.

"He wants to see you suffer for what you've done," Kabuto grinned wickedly. The hand that he reached towards you almost seemed gentle as it followed the path of your tears down your cheek, but the painless motion ended when he wrapped his fingers around your throat and led you forward. He stopped you when you were back in front of Sakura and dug his nails into the skin of your neck.

"This is what you are," he said quietly, guiding your arm until the gun was pointed at Sakura. She didn't move. She didn't even blink. She just stared at you with the same, empty eyes that you'd seen when she was under Orochimaru's control. Or what you thought was his control.

"You should be proud," his whisper was almost gentle as he covered your hand with his own and turned the safety off with a click, "to serve Orochimaru. He gives you purpose. Show your gratitude."

His hand left yours, but his voice still lingered at your side.

"Don't deny your nature. If you do this, he will allow you back into the Red Room. He will understand that you were simply being led down the wrong path. Correct your mistakes here, and you can come home."

Home. You wanted to be home more than anything.

"Do what you were made for."

The crack of the bullet hitting its target felt like a warm welcome. It felt like a second chance at fulfilling the only purpose you'd ever known.

You woke drenched in sweat and heaving for air. Tears were dried on your face, and you scrubbed at them to rid yourself of the feeling of the salt water pulling at your skin. It felt the same as it had in the dream. You thought you could still feel Kabuto brushing the tears away.

It wasn't a kind gesture. Not like Kakashi's gentle touch had been.

You hadn't fully regained awareness of your surroundings when you stood and stumbled towards your door. You followed the familiar path that you'd taken to Kakashi room before the mission, but stopped with a jolt of nerves as you wondered why you were seeking him out.

What were you doing here? Looking for comfort? Only a couple of months away from the Red Room, and already you couldn't handle sleeping alone.

However, for the first time, your pride was outmatched by your fear. It was consuming you.

You didn't want to be alone.

You knocked quietly on his door. If he had been asleep, it might've been too quiet for him to hear. You almost hoped that he wouldn't open it. At the very least, it would save you from having to explain yourself.

When he did, you were surprised that you felt relief instead of the expected disappointment.

He also looked different than usual.

"You...aren't wearing your mask."

You should've thought of something to say. You probably looked like an idiot, standing at his door and wondering why he would take his mask off to sleep.

"No, I'm not," he said with a small smile. He rubbed a hand over his face, covering most of the skin that was usually hidden by his mask. He felt naked without it, especially when you were looking at him so intently. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh. Yes, it's fine. Sorry to bother you."

The tear tracks on your face told him otherwise. He took your hand to stop you from turning around, noting the way your shoulders went rigid at his touch.

"Do you want to come in?"

No.

You did not want to come in. You wanted to go back to your room. You didn't even know what you were doing here.

You could deal with a few nightmares on your own.

You were stronger than this. Stronger than some fear-driven need to be near another person while you slept.

Nightmares were for children.

You were not raised to be weak.

But...

You were tired. You were so, so tired.

"Yes."

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Author's note | thank you for reading! i'm in the middle of finals right now, but i've had this chapter written for a while, and i had a chunk of time to edit. i have most of the next chapter written as well, so hopefully i can keep getting chapters published regularly. my finals are over on the 15th, so there won't be too long of a wait even if i can't write much in the next week.

anyways, let me know what you guys think of this chapter! i was a bit conflicted about the beginning argument while i was writing it, and it went through significant edits, but i feel like it fits with the readers transition into life with kakashi and the others. don't get used to the hurt/comfort and fluff though, shit hasn't hit the fan yet :) see y'all in the next chapter, and don't forget to leave me some love!

title is from "Fragile" by Laufey

#kakashi #kakashi x reader #kakashi x you #kakashi x y/n #kakashi imagine #kakashi hatake #kakashi hatake x reader #kakashi hatake x you #kakashi hatake x y/n #kakashi hatake imagine #naruto #trr #emwrites

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