#said i'd be insufferable did you not believe me

[ruiniel]

tried another short animation on this movie!Kusu

[jarofstyles]

Appetency

Okay so we've got a bit of a long one. Kinda enemies to lovers if you blink, fuckboyrry turned softrry, dedication galore, hesitant Y/N and confident H, you're gonna love it. This is the first half- the other half is already up on Patreon and will be here later on 💕

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Warnings- slight angst, mentions of anxiety, alcohol, cocky h turned into a loverboy... nothing too crazy in this part.

WC- 8.5k

“Why are you every-fucking-where.” Y/N stopped short, glaring at the man across from her. The entire party, she had been trying to avoid him- but he wasn’t letting that be at all possible.

Harry grinned widely at that, the most obnoxious and infuriatingly pretty smile with those stupid dimples. Leaning against the wall as he studied her for a good moment, there was no hiding the not so casual enjoyment he got out of flustering her. 

Finally, he broke the silence, standing up from his casually cool stance on the wall. She knew he was going to say something that annoyed her and it was proven as he opened his mouth. "C’mon, don’t be like that. Perhaps you just can't keep me off your mind, baby girl. Can’t stop thinking about me, seeing me everywhere…"

“Ew. Do not call me that.” She wrinkled her nose in disgust for the nickname, walking past him. He followed, of course, because he always did. “Just because we have a few similar friends doesn’t mean you need to be at every social event. I’d love a break from your smug face.”

"You can't possibly be getting tired of this handsome face already…" He protested as he followed behind, his words purposely trying to rile her up. Getting a rise out of her seemed to make his whole day, and usually she would laugh it off but this time… things were different. Finding a spot in the kitchen, he watched as she puttered around trying not to look at him. 

His eyes danced with amusement as he added in some more. "Or are you just mad that I always seem to steal the show, love? Not my fault that I'm effortlessly charming and captivating, darling."

“Humble, too.” She snorted, grabbing a drink from the cooler. Buzzballs were not the thing she’d want to choose when she was thinking about the next morning, but they were exactly what she needed when it came to trying to mentally escape right now. “You’re insufferable. Really.” His eyes were on her as she used her nail to pop open the cap. 

“So are you going to leave me alone, or follow me around all night?”

Harry chuckled in amusement at her sarcasm, enjoying the way she rolled your eyes at him. "Leave you alone when you look this lovely? Not a chance in hell, darling." He hummed, tapping his own bottle against the counter. He paid no mind to the new people who entered the space, eyes glued on the girl he was talking to. "But as much as I'd love to keep annoying you, I have a much better way we could spend time. Don't you remember, love?" He purred. “I certainly do. It’s hard to forget the way it feels when you moan-” The interruption was instant, her hand gripping onto him. 

“Harry…” she hissed, tugging his arm further down the dark hallway and into a bedroom. Who’s? She didn’t know. All she knew was that she had seen where this was going, and she didn’t want him to say it too loudly. Everyone was so god damn nosy and respectfully, she didn’t want to deal with any of that. Not after all she had said.

“Listen.” Putting her hands on her hips, she tilted her head up at him as he stood a little too close. “We hooked up, it was a mistake. You know it.” Though it didn’t seem like he thought so considering how he trailed her ever since. “We… we were a little drunk and I was lonely and you were there.” 

Y/N knew she was slightly lying, but she was trying to fool herself. If she said it enough times, maybe she’d believe it. They’d always had chemistry. It was intensity that burned between them, her disdain and his addiction to getting a rise out of her. It was only a matter of time that they’d give into some sort of blow out- but she hadn’t expected it to be as good as it was. It couldn’t happen again. 

Harry had that knowing smirk on his face as she tried to deny it all, knowing exactly where this was headed. The thrill of chasing her, of getting under her skin was intoxicating, addicting. He loved making her growl and huff and glare at him, because it meant getting her undivided attention.

"Was it really a mistake?" He asked as he leaned against the door, finally giving her some breathing room.  "Or have you just been avoiding me because you couldn't stop thinking about it?"

The truth was that he had been thinking about that night ever since. Multiple times. Before he went to sleep, when he was in the shower.. It was hard not to. 

Her jaw clenched, placing her bottle down and crossing her arms. “Look. You’re hot, Harry. You don’t need me to tell you that. You’ve got plenty big of an ego. But I’ve been avoiding you because it can not happen again.” 

Y/N knew that Nina was into Harry and she really didn’t want to start any drama. Not that he even seemed remotely into her, but because she acted like he was someone she had dibs on. As gross as it was, she tended to start shit with anyone Harry pursued and she just wasn’t in the season for drama. There were other things to worry about other than start a feud over a man. 

He had known about Nina's crush on him, but he didn't care about her. He never had, and he never would. As fucked up as it was, what they had, in his mind, was just a harmless flirtation, nothing more. Y/N knew that, but Nina didn’t. He couldn't have been more clear he had no interest in her, but some people took delusion to heart. 

It didn’t matter how good Harry gave it to her last time, how hard her legs shook, how sore she was in the best way. Didn’t matter if his tongue was hot and through and how he’d cleaned her up with it. It couldn’t be repeated.

Harry's smirk only widened as she openly admitted he was attractive, his ego inflating even more. But when she mentioned avoiding him, his smile faltered slightly.

"Why can't it happen again?" He asked, moving closer to her, his eyes darkened. Too close, making her take a deep breath. If there was one thing he would give him, his presence was commanding. Felt. Her body was very familiar with his now, wanting to lean into him, but she fought it.

“Because.” She sighed tiredly. “I really can’t deal with any drama. I’m exhausted, and the last thing I need is that she-devil going after me because she thinks I’m ‘stealing her man.’ “

The man let out a laugh, amused by the comment. Yeah, he knew exactly who she was referring to and found it funny. He knew she could be a drama queen, and he definitely didn't care for her possessive tendencies, but he had told her that they had nothing going on between them and never would.

He stepped closer to her, his greedy hands reaching out to touch her hips, his touch firm. "You're not stealing me, love. She never had me, and she's delusional if she thinks she does." His eyes gleamed with desire as he looked at her, his touch becoming a bit more possessive in his own way. "And I want you, not her."

“Harry, you don’t actually want me.” She groaned in frustration, trying to ignore how her tummy dropped as he pulled her into him, his other hand curling around her jaw. Stupid body, stupid hormones, stupid muscle memory.  “You think you do because you like a chase. You don’t actually like me or anything, you like how I fuck.” She said bluntly, glancing up at him.

Harry's smug expression faltered as she protested. He could feel the annoyance, but he also noticed the way her body responded to his touch. There was no denying that. "Is that what you really think?" He asked, his grip on her jaw tightening slightly as he looked down at her. "That I'm just chasing you only for the thrill of the chase, for the sex?"

His eyes darkened, his other hand moving lower on her hip, pulling her flush against him. He could feel her body against his, the softness, the warmth, and he wanted it all back. There had been no way she could tell him that she hadn’t enjoyed it, considering he’d made her cum 3 times, made her gush all over his cock. She’d clung to him, held onto him, whimpered his name. But he’d taken care of her, he had gotten her some pomegranate juice and a snack, helped her tie her hair up, driven her home. When the contact had been nonexistent, he was hoping she was just making him work for it- but that wasn’t all this was to him.

“Yeah.” She furrowed her brows. “Is it not?” Harry wasn’t the relationship type, not usually. Everyone knew that. Y/N had constantly reminded herself that when they’d first met and she had a bit of a crush on him, only to see that he liked to fuck em’ and leave ‘em. It lost the appeal and she had resented him a bit for it. 

Was it fair? No. She knew that. But their dynamic had been built on that resentment. 

Harry's jaw clenched at her response, frustration and something else flickering in his face. He loosened his grip on her slightly, his gaze searching her eyes, trying to convey something she obviously wasn’t picking up on.

"And what if I told you that you were wrong?" He asked, his voice low. "What if I told you that there's more to me than just chase and sex?" He tilted his face closer to hers, his hand on her hip keeping her snug. He hadn't realized it himself just how touch deprived for her he actually was. Did she really think it was all just… a game? Had he not proven himself to her that night? Granted, he had maybe fucked up in how he communicated after but… the ball had been put in her court. 

He could tell that she was skeptical, but he was determined to make her believe him.

"I want you." He said firmly, his hand on her jaw moving to wrap around the back of her neck, his fingers tangling in her hair. "I want everything. Your body, your mind, your heart." His hand on her hip moved lower, his touch a little needy. "And the fact that I can't have you is driving me insane. Want you to believe me."

“But why?” She sputtered. “All we do is argue. All I do is blow you off and all you do is follow me around to piss me off.” 

She had no idea he had his own fascination with her. How he’d silently watched her, observed, saw how she was with other people and wanted that chance to feel that. To have one of those smiles for himself.

Harry shook his head with a light laugh, his grip on her flexing slightly as he stared down at the girl he had been playing cat and mouse with. "Because I'll take the arguing, the blowoffs, all of it, just to be near you. I don't know when it truly started, but you've gotten under my skin, love." He pushed her back against the door, his body pressed against hers, trapping the girl. Looking down at her, his eyes were dark with desire, with honesty. It was a little unsettling.

“Harry.” She swallowed, eyes fluttering as his fingers stroked over her jaw and down over her throat, tenderness tinging the touches. “It’s not funny if this is a joke. It’s not.”

Harry's let out a tired breath, his touch gentle as he stroked her delicate skin, taking advantage of every touch. He could see that vulnerability in her eyes, and it only made him more determined to prove himself. "M’not joking. " He said firmly. "This is serious, I want you, and m’not giving up until I have you."

“Then you’re gonna have to work for it.” She exhaled sharply, pushing out of his hold and escaping back towards the party.

Y/N was almost fooled into giving in again- but she could give in without a real, true idea of what he was dedicated to. Maybe it was cruel of her to try and write him off as a bit of a slut trying his luck, but she’d never been awarded the chance to get to know him outside of their usual dynamic. 

That was why, the next day, seeing him on her front porch had her gasping in surprise. “Shit!” She yelped, keys falling to the wood below her. 

He looked good. The night of sleep seemed to refresh him, he’d showered, and he was bright eyed this morning. Determined. Why? She didn’t know. But this was not at all what she had expected when opening her front door. “ You scared the fuck out of me. What are you doing here?”

"Good morning, love." He greeted her. “Nice to see you this mornin’. You look gorgeous.” That cheeky fucking grin, as usual, tilted on his mouth. 

She crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow in question. "You didn't answer my question. What are you doing here?"

Harry flashed her a grin, completely unfazed by her skepticism.  "I'm here to see you, of course." He said, as if it was obvious. “Silly thing.”

“Why?” She didn’t want to get too huffy with him but he was nearly speaking in riddles and she didn’t have the patience for that. “Are you alright?”

Of course he was amused at how frustrated she looked, finding her impatience obviously endearing. Maybe it was just her, though. Y/N was a bit of a weakness of his, he found. Pushing himself up the final step, he grabbed her keys and handed them back to her, making no effort to pull his hands away from her own. 

"I'm fine, love." He hummed casually. "I just wanted to see you." Holding her hands in his, his thumbs rubbing soft circles on the skin. Casual intimacy that slightly caught her off guard.

The girl merely looked at him in confusion.  The plan for today had been to go to the grocery shop and do stuff around the house, not entertain the man who had admitted to wanting her last night- but she knew if he was here, it meant he was determined to get his way.

Aka, spending time with her. 

“Okay.. So now you saw me.” She said lowly. “Do you want to go home now?”

The sight of her looking so flustered and on edge fueling his determination, he shook his head.  "Not yet." He said, his voice low and firm. "M’not leaving until I get some of your time."

Y/N closed her eyes, taking a deep inhale through her nose and exhaling through her mouth. Meditative breathing did wonders, it seemed. Usually. She knew Harry well enough to know that he wasn’t going to let this go. He was going to keep prodding until he understood that he probably had no actual intention of being around her long term. He was looking at her with metaphorical sex goggles on. Yeah, she was good in bed, but that was only a tiny portion of her. 

He’d learn eventually.

“Well, I have to go to the store. So…”

Harry watched you closely as she opened her eyes from the attempting to calm herself. It was a little unnerving to know she needed to calm down from such a simple interaction but then again, he had been coming on a little strong. It was his nature, but he tried to relax his stance a bit. No way was he going to let an opportunity to spend time with her be wasted. He was dedicated now, wanting to win her over.  "You're going to the store?" He leaned in closer. “Looks like I'll just have to come with you, then."

Y/N sputtered as he took her handbag and totes from her, tucking them under his arm as the other held her hand. 

“C’mon.” He said smugly, pulling her towards his car. She followed, confused at how he had just agreed to go grocery shopping with her. Willingly. It wasn’t something he liked doing and she knew that- she somehow had found out one night that he had his delivered- but he seemed eager to do this with her. 

The last thing she expected was for him to open the passenger door and help her inside, but he did. Like it was second nature, opening it up and taking her hand to aid her into sitting sound, placing her bags on her lap.

Harry's smirk widened as he scooped up her handbag and totes, his grip on your hand firm as he guided her towards his car. He snickered under her breath at her sputtered protest, enjoying her disbelief that he was actually willing to go grocery shopping with her. Like it was some sort of hardship.

Once he had settled her in, he leaned in closer, the smell of cinnamon gum filling her senses. Keeping his stance, his eyes locked on her, his gaze intense. He could see the confusion in her eyes, and it only fueled his determination to make it second nature to her, to expect this sort of thing from him. . 

"You look cute this morning." He said, his voice low and smooth. "Did you get much sleep last night?" He reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, his touch gentle.

Her cheeks felt hot as he tenderly touched her, the softness of it all surprising her. “Um… I did.” The compliment had flustered her too. It wasn’t something she was used to from him. Their usual dynamic was tense on her end and being a pain in the ass with a stupid smirk on his. This sort of treatment was new to her. 

“Thanks. You look….” It felt unnatural to compliment him, but she meant it. Strangely enough. All of this was so new to her.  “Nice.”

Harry chuckled at the slight hesitation in her words, enjoying the way she was thrown off by his tenderness. One day she was going to accept it.  He smiled at her attempt at a compliment, narrowing his gaze at her. "Just nice?" He teased, raising an eyebrow.  He placed a light hand on her knee, his thumb stroking her skin in small circles, his touch gentle and comforting.

“Well, handsome? I dunno.” She grumbled. “Just so you know, you’re carrying all the grocery bags. If you insist on coming along you need to be useful.”

"Oh, I can be very useful, love. You jus’ need to find out what else I can off s’all." He said, his hand continuing its caressing on her knee, his touch sending a little jolt through her body "And don’t worry, I’ll carry all the bags. You just worry about picking out what you need."

Harry could see the doubt in her eyes as he reassured her about carrying the bags, and he knew he had to prove it. Not just that, but the whole thing. He hadn’t won her over quite yet, but he would. 

Removing his hand from her knee, he ignored how much he missed the touch and stood up straight, standing tall and strong next to the car. 

"You don’t believe me?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "Just watch, sweetheart. Gonna shock the shit out of you."

——-

Y/N was suspicious. 

Harry was… behaving. More than, actually. He was being sweet and polite, borderline charming. Standing beside her as she pushed the cart, grabbing the items at the top shelves, not rushing her at all. He was flirty, sure, but nothing insane that truly made her roll her eyes at him. His voice was soft spoken and held only a tiny bit of the arrogance it usually did… and she liked it.

Who the fuck was this? And what had they done with the normal Harry? 

“You’re freaking me out a little.” She mumbled, checking off another thing on her list. “Like, you’re being pleasant. That’s not normal for you.”

"What, I can't be pleasant sometimes?" He teased, giving her a look. 

He couldn't help but grin as he watched her check off another item on the grocery list, his eyes roaming freely over her focused expression. He was enjoying this, he realized, enjoying the chance to be close to her more than he would have ever expected. "Maybe I’m just in a good mood today." He said, leaning against the cart.

“It’s just suspicious.” She glanced at him from the side of her eye. “You’re always following me around and trying to get me to snap at you. So excuse me for being a little confused when you’re acting so normal and nice.”

Harry liked working her up and getting reactions out of her, but he liked her. Y/N gave him the tummy butterflies, the excitement, the hot cheeks, all of it. She just didn’t know that- or was heavily in denial. It was his fault, he knew, from never expressing how serious the desires were and expecting her to read between the lines. But fuck, could she blame him? Y/N was a spitfire.

“Can you- fuck.” She groaned. “This can not get any worse.” 

Across the aisle, she saw her. Nina. Glaring at the scene of Harry standing a little too close to Y/N, doing a domestic activity like shopping together… It looked like they were way more than friends. This wasn’t something he liked doing and of course, the other girl would know that… So the situation didn’t look too good.

Harry could feel the shift in her mood as she spotted Nina across the aisle, and he tensed up slightly, ready for the inevitable confrontation.  Fuck, and they’d been doing so good. Of course, someone had to throw him a curveball. 

Good thing he was willing to work for this. 

"Relax." He said quietly, his hand squeezing her shoulder reassuringly, thumbing over the fabric. "I'll handle it."

Harry could feel the tension in her body as he held onto her, knowing that she was on edge. He knew Nina could be a handful, and he didn't want her to add to the stress of the situation. Especially after Y/N was seemingly warming up to him.

He took a deep breath and turned to her, his expression neutral but firm. 

"Nina." He said, his voice calm and steady- almost bored. "Why are you glaring at us like that?”

Nina’s eyes flicked between the pair, her expression hardening as she spoke. “What are you two doing?” She asked, her voice dripping with disdain. 

Harry kept his expression neutral, his hand on Y/N unmoving as he spoke to her. “We’re shopping. Is that a crime?” He replied, his tone cool.

Nina’s lip curled up in a sneer, her eyes narrowing. "Shopping? Is that all?" She asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Awfully domestic, isn’t it?”

Harry chuckled, unruffled by her attitude. "Yes, Nina. We’re just picking up some groceries. Is that so hard to believe?" he challenged, letting her try and intimidate him. It wasn’t going to work. 

The girl’s jaw clenched as Harry responded to her, clearly annoyed at the lack of reaction she was getting from him. 

She took a step closer, sizing Y/N up with an unpleasant expression. She really needed to not make that face- it was unflattering.  “Is this a date or something?” She snapped, her eyes flickering over to Harry.

Harry chuckled at Nina’s question, finding her assumption humorous. 

He looked over at the girl he wished would say yes, his eyes filled with amusement. "What do you think, love?” He taunted.  Maybe it wasn’t the nicest thing to do, but he didn’t particularly care. 

Y/N rolled her eyes. This wasn’t what she wanted out of this interaction. Hell- she never wanted his interaction at all. “We’re shopping.” She said lowly. “And we have to go.”

Nina pursed her lips as her response, clearly unsatisfied with the answer she was given. She never could leave well enough alone. Harry could see her gearing up for another snarky comment, so he quickly interjected. 

"She’s right." He said, his tone firm. “We do have to go. Bye."  There was no hint of remorse on his face as he motioned for her to get out of the way. 

With that, he guided Y/N forward, steering both her and the cart towards the checkout area.

“Christ.” Y/N rubbed her temples. “She’s gonna try and burn my house down. I know it.” She sulked.

Harry chuckled at the outburst. He continued steering the cart towards the checkout area as she went back over the list, a small smile on his lips. 

"Don't be so overdramatic." He teased. "She's not gonna burn down your house. She's just jealous."

“Harry, she’s scared like, 4 women away from hanging out anywhere near you completely.” Y/N sighed. “I know you don’t see it as much, but she’s tenacious. I don’t know what’s going to get her to stop, but you need to actually have a conversation with her to tell her you’re not interested. Or whoever ends up being your girlfriend is going to have to deal with her crawling around.”

Harry’s smile faded slightly as she mentioned Nina’s past behavior. He knew she could be intense and possessive, but he didn’t realize the extent of her actions. Considering he hadn’t even slept with her, it seemed like a massive overreaction. Of course there had been natural curiosity over some of the women in their friend circle had gone, but now that question had been answered. 

He bit his lip, mulling over the words as he helped her load the groceries onto the checkout belt. "You’re right." He said finally, his voice serious as it broke up the beeping of the items being scanned. "I guess I didn’t realize it was that serious. M’sorry. I don't particularly want to have that conversation, but it needs to be had. I’ll talk to her."

Harry continued helping you with the groceries, lost in thought for a moment before speaking again. "I’ll talk to her soon, make sure she knows for sure me and her are never going to be a thing and if she wants to try and scare off anyone I talk to, she won’t be invited to anything else." He said firmly, his eyes serious. 

"But first," he added, breaking the tense air as his tone turned playful again, "We have to get these groceries home. I’m starving."

—

It was safe to say that she was even more confused than she had started off being. 

Harry helped her bring the groceries into her place. He helped her unpack. He even fed her cat while she washed the fruit so she could put it away. Helping himself to her house like he had a right to be there, a comfortability that had her a little spooked. 

It was hard to accept the thought of Harry actually liking her. First, she hadn’t ever seen him with a serious girlfriend. All she had been exposed to was seeing him fucking around with different people. Secondly, he was always so playful and unserious that internally, the most insecure part of her felt like maybe it was a trick, and it made her more apprehensive of him. 

It wasn’t fair of her to be so judgmental when she was not a virgin mary herself; she knew that she wasn’t giving him a proper shot, but it was scary. He was scary, in a way.  Maybe it was the idea of how far feelings could go if she gave in, but it felt hard to stop those original emotions she had towards him from coming back. 

“Thank you.” She said awkwardly as Harry sat at her breakfast bar. “Um, for helping put away the stuff and bringing it inside. That was really nice of you.”

Harry, who was lounging in a chair at the breakfast bar, chuckled at the awkward gratitude.  "S’no big deal." He said, his tone casual. "I’m happy to help." 

He leaned back in the chair, his eyes roaming over her face, his favorite thing to do. Watching her was the best part of being around her.  He could see the tension in her shoulders and the uncertainty in her expression, and it made him wonder what was going on in that head of hers. Why she was so apprehensive. Yeah, he knew he had a weird dynamic with her before, but no one thought of him as a bad guy.

The longer he looked, the longer Harry could tell that there was something bothering her, and he wanted to find out what. Call it morbid curiosity, but it was needed. He leaned forward a bit, his eyes locked on her pretty face.

"You seem a little tense." He said, his voice soft. "Is everything okay? You've been quiet since we got back."

She hadn’t expected him to call her out on it, but she should have. Harry was as blunt as they came, and she could have laughed at it if she didn’t feel a little anxious. 

“I’m okay.” She wrapped her arms around herself, looking at her feet for a moment the soft green ladybug socks he had given her a laugh over. “I’m a little anxious, I guess. This new dynamic kind of… put me off kilter.” The confession hung in the air before she continued.  “I’m used to you being annoying and… I dunno. It’s unfair of me, but I keep getting nervous that this is some joke to you and you’re gonna go back to being obnoxious once I let my guard down.” She winced. “And I’m sorry. That isn’t fair to you when I know I haven’t been the nicest to you either. But I guess you intimidate me a little.”

Harry listened intently as she spoke, his expression softening as she revealed the source of the troubled look on her face. He knew that he had been a bit of an arse in the past too, and he could understand why his sudden change in behavior had thrown her off. 

He leaned forward on his hands, his gaze still fixed on the girl’s tense stance, lips rolled into her mouth. "I get it." He said quietly. "And I’m sorry if I intimidated you or made you uncomfortable. That’s the last thing I wanted to do."  He ran a hand through his hair, sighing softly. "And as for this being a joke... it’s not. Not in the slightest. Trust me."

“I guess I’m a little confused too.” She admitted. “Where all of this is coming from. I know we hooked up a few weeks ago, but you didn’t call me or anything after. I wasn’t expecting you to, don’t get me wrong, but then I felt awkward seeing you at all the events and stuff and you were acting normal. I never let you get alone with me on purpose because I didn’t want to hear you tease me for giving into you.”

Harry’s expression soured a bit as she brought up the hook-up. He knew he hadn’t done anything to dispel her doubts about his intentions, and he felt a pang of regret.  He paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts. How could he explain it without sounding as stupid as he felt? “I know I didn’t call you after, and I should have. I was an idiot… I just… I thought maybe you wanted me to chase a bit, that the ball had been left in your court after I dropped you off at home and… and I didn’t think, honestly.”  He ran a hand through his hair, a frustrated sigh escaping his lips. 

“You have to understand why I’m a little uneasy.” With arms wrapped around herself, she let herself look back up at him. There was no trace of joking on his features and it did make her feel a tad bit better.  “It’s not that I didn’t like… what we did.” It was the best she’d ever had. “But I think I’m not cut out for just hooking up. I don’t regret it, even if I acted like I did.” She decided to give him a tiny bit of her vulnerability to see what he did with it. “I just know that hooking up, for me, never ends well. And I don’t know you really well, Harry.” She fiddled with the hem of her shirt, nerves shot. The last thing she wanted to do was seem desperate about locking him down or something, but she couldn’t lie to him or herself.

“I’m not trying to make you feel any sort of pressure to want to date me or anything. I’m just trying to lay down a boundary that for me, I think I’m one of those people that really needs an intimate connection and trust with someone. For some reason I trusted you that night, and I know you wouldn’t harm me in that way, but sobered up and standing in front of you, I feel a little apprehensive. Like, I don’t want you to feel any sort of pressure from me, but in order to have me in the way you said you want… it has to have some level of commitment is basically what I’m trying to say.”

Harry listened intently as she laid down the boundaries, his expression thoughtful. He could see the vulnerability in her eyes and in the way she fidgeted with her shirt, and it tugged at his heart in a way he hasn't felt before.  The last thing he wanted was for her to feel any sort of regret and he was glad she hadn’t so far, but he had to appreciate her laying out the law here. It gave him direction on where to go. When she finished speaking, he took a moment to process the words before responding. He can feel the seriousness of the conversation, and it's clear that she wasn’t making demands lightly.

He took a deep breath, his own vulnerability on display in his honest gaze. It was imperative to him that she understood how much he got it. How dedicated he would be to it if given the chance. "I understand." He said quietly, licking over his bottom lip. "I understand that you need a committed relationship, darling. I also understand that you need trust and intimacy in order to get there." he added, his voice soft. 

He took a moment to organize his thoughts, then continued speaking. It should be laid out in front of her. “You know, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately… about us, I mean.”

“What do you mean?” She asked quietly, taking the moment to look him in the eye. It was the most serious she had ever seen him. Usually he had that smirk on his face, so smug or teasing, he’d be poking and prodding at her to get a reaction- but nothing about this interaction was insincere. It was almost off putting to see him this way.

Harry's gaze met hers, his eyes intense. "I mean that I've been thinking about us in a more serious way." he admitted.  He took a deep breath, his expression tentative. "I know I've been kind of hot and cold with you… and I know that I've played games in the past. But after we hooked up… I really couldn’t stop thinking about you. How different we were like that… How good it felt. So I want you to know that... I don’t want to play games with you. I want t’be serious about this."

Y/N hadn’t expected that answer. In all honesty she thought he’d reject her, say he wasn’t into it and keep it moving. That was what she was prepared for- not this. That sort of confession had her realizing that maybe she really didn’t know him at all. She knew some parts, sure, but seeing him like this was brand new. This man in front of her was a familiar stranger, at least this new side.

“I’d have to get to know you better.” She brushed her hair behind her ear, giving him a tentative look. “And it would be a little slow. I think I could give you a chance, though. I’ve been unfair to you, I think. I feel like we… kind of got off on the wrong foot.”

Harry lets out a small sigh of relief, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. “I’m okay with slow.” he says, his voice sincere. “I’m willing to work for it.”

He leaned back a bit, giving her a little more space as a hint of his usual playfulness returned to his features.. “And I think you’re right… we got off on the wrong foot. But I’m glad we’re taking the time to get to know each other now.”

——-

—— 

Harry was coming over again. 

It was strange. Since they’d agreed to explore something romantic, seriously, he had changed. Not completely, not to the point where she wondered who he was before, but enough to make her soften up. Hints of him being a pain in the ass we’re still there. But he was… sweet. Genuine. A little silly in a cute way that she hadn’t allowed herself to enjoy before. 

One of the biggest shocks of all, was the fact that he was so gentle with her. He handled her with care, even if he was a little overly touchy. She was getting used to it because she found herself liking it, but he was the first guy to really be a bit of a clinger. 

That was the last thing she had ever expected from him.

His touches were soft and sweet and he looked at her with this little twinkle in his eye that she knew he couldn’t genuinely fake it. He liked her- liked her , liked her. 

She was still a bit shy with him, but it was slowly melting away each time they saw each other. Now the nerves were barely there, being overtaken by anticipation and excitement. It wasn’t something she’d ever thought would happen- being excited and antsy to see Harry, wanting him back in her house. 

He was coming over tonight and she had been prepping for a bit, primping and priming herself even though she wanted to look casual. There was never once so far that he hadn’t told her she looked gorgeous, and it had started becoming part of her daily routine. She wanted to impress him, make him say it again and mean it.

Her tummy twisted as she heard his car door slam shut, smiling to herself as she adjusted her cropped top and went towards the door. 

He was beautiful. Really, gorgeous as she opened the door to reveal him in the early evening light. He looked a little tired from work,slight bags under his eyes, but his smile melted her a little as he walked right into the house, dropping his bag in the foyer with little care for its well-being and picked her up in a big hug. Her feet dangled as she squealed, strong arms wrapped around her waist as he lifted her effortlessly. 

“Hi.” She beamed shyly, feeling him set her down on the floor.

Harry couldn’t help but grin as he placed her down, his strong arms wrapping around her waist lazily.. He loved how delicate she felt in his arms, and he loved the way she squealed with surprise as he lifted her up a bit. Really, he loved most things that had to do with her. Taking a moment to admire her cozy appearance, his gaze lingered on her cropped top. “Hi.” He replied, his voice soft and warm. “You look beautiful.”

Like clockwork.

Before she could respond, Harry was pulling her back into a hug, burying his face in her shoulder as he held her, rocking slightly. A prime example of how touchy he was, unable to stop himself. He nuzzled her neck, letting his cool nose brush against the hot skin. “I missed you.” he mumbled, his voice muffled against her, leaving a little shiver in it’s wake..

When he said things like that it made her want to giggle madly, but also melt into a puddle. He truly meant it, was the thing, and she had a hard time understanding how this had happened. How he had gone from her little enemy to the person she looked toward to seeing the most. 

“I missed you too.” She admitted, fingers tracing down his back. It was an attempt to get more open about her feelings. Harry was being candid about his own, so she felt like she could extend him the same grace. Even if it was slightly terrifying, she had no reason to hold back anymore.

Harry pulled back slightly to look at her, a soft smile on his lips at her shy admission. "I like it when you say that." he teased, his voice low.  He brought his hands up to rest on her hips, his thumbs tracing small circles on the bare skin. He loved the way the cropped top revealed just enough to make him want more, and he found himself struggling to focus on anything but the feel of her body under his hands.

Harry wanted her, and there was obvious desire for her there. In all honesty, there was a lot of desire for her in general that he had done his best to keep under wraps  He’d been so good, trying so hard to prove himself- but that didn’t mean he was a saint. He was beyond attracted to her in every sense of the word, and it was hard to ignore that..

“Excuse me.” She let her smile grow, her tone playful. “My eyes are up here.” 

Y/N knew Harry wanted her in all of the ways, and he’d been exceedingly patient. He knew she was trying to build their connection before getting intimate with him again, and she appreciated it- but that didn’t mean she didn’t enjoy knowing he desired her. 

Or that she didn’t have those same urges.

Harry's gaze flicked back up to meet hers, a cheeky grin on his face. "I know where your eyes are. I look at them plenty, do I not?" He replied smoothly, his hands still resting on her waist, giving a gentle squeeze.  He couldn't help but let out a small laugh as she shot him a look, his eyes sparkling with mirth. "But you can't expect me to ignore the rest of you when you're wearing something as distracting as that." Testing the waters, he was seeing how far his flirtation could go.

“It’s loungewear, you freak.” She scoffed, a hint of a smile turning up her lips. Leggings and a cropped top were a bit of a reward for him, though. She figured if he had been so patient with her then he could at least get to look at her. “But I’m glad you like it.” 

Taking his hand in her smaller one, she led him towards the kitchen to show him the pizza boxes and salad she had made to pair with it, feeling weirdly shy about it. That was the theme of today, considering she had come to a conclusion in her head- but he didn’t need to know about it quite yet. “I knew you’d be hungry when you got off work, so I ordered ahead.”

Harry's eyes lit up as he saw the food, warmth spreading through him. No one had been thoughtful like that to him before, but of course she would be. This sort of thing was why he had liked her. He’d seen it time and time again with their other friends and secretly wished for some of it for himself, that sort of care… and now that he got it, he felt that yearning for her get a little bit stronger. He let out a low whistle. "You knew exactly what I needed." he murmured, a grateful smile on his lips. 

Pulling her into him, his arms wrapping around her waist from behind. He nuzzled her neck again, his breath warm on her skin. "You're too good to me." he murmured, his voice showing just how grateful he was.

Y/N shivered slightly as he spoke against her skin, large arms wrapping around her and making her feel that same brand of delicacy that only Harry had been able to accomplish. His arms were just… beautiful. Built and muscular, covered in those tattoos, she loved every single thing about them. Looking at them, feeling them, how he used them… she couldn’t admit it out loud yet, but being in his arms was one of her new favorite places. 

“You texted and said you didn’t sleep well and you had a rougher day at work and… I dunno. I thought maybe you’d like something ready when you came over. I would have cooked myself but I had a workshop.” She rambled on a little bit, feeling the need to overexplain herself.

Harry squeezed her tighter, his chin resting on her shoulder. He inhaled her scent, his nose buried in hair as she spoke. 

"Mmm. " He hummed, his voice low and gravelly. He ran his nose over her throat, lips brushing against the sensitive skin. "You didn't have to do all this, you know." He moved his hands down over her hips, his thumbs tracing soft circles on the exposed skin there. "But I'm really grateful you did." He was quiet for a moment before speaking again, his grip on her tightening slightly. "Can I ask you somethin’?"

“Hm?” She replied. It was hard to focus. Sure, it would be awkward if anyone else say them just standing in her kitchen with the large man wrapped around her body, but no one else was there to judge her for indulging both herself and him in this sort of cuddle. 

Harry's body was pressed against her, a small smile on his lips. He really did enjoy this moment of quiet intimacy just as much as he enjoyed the more energetic moments where they’d go out or he’d help her take care of her garden.

"Can I stay over tonight?"

It should have been a scarier question to her, all things considered, but the answer came out of her mouth naturally. 

“Sure.” She nodded. There was no second guessing it either. “Is that what that bag was?” She realized he had brought in a bigger duffle than his usual work one, but she had thought it was maybe just to change from his work clothes.

Harry's smile grew as she agreed so easily. "Mhmm." he hummed, his voice low. His hands moved up her sides, tracing the curve of her waist. "I wanted to be prepared just in case you said yes." Presumptuous? He’d prefer the terms hopeful, even confident. They’d been doing so well, he had to at least ask.

He pulled back slightly, looking down at her with a hint of a smirk on his face. "So... where can I sleep?"

He turned her in his grip, letting her look up at his face now with narrowed eyes. Her heartbeat quickened though she tried to calm it down. He was teasing her a little bit, but he did genuinely want to know. 

“If you promise no extreme funny business… you can sleep in my bed.” She placed her hand on his bicep, squeezing a little. It was her own reward. “But remember, Harry. No sex. Okay?” Gliding her other hand up to cuff over the back of his neck, she decided it was finally time to tease him back a bit. “However… If you’re really, really nice to me… I may let you kiss me again.”

Harry's smile widened, his eyes sparkling with a hint of challenge. He leaned down, bringing his face closer to the girl’s.  "You're being bold, darling." he teased, his voice low and playful. "Are you trying to tempt me?"

“A little.” She hummed. “I like when you’re sweet to me. So if you keep it up, I’ll let you kiss me as long as you’d like tonight. I know I’ve been holding all of that intimacy hostage…” 

It had been driving him wild. Near kisses and her letting him brush his hand over the curve of her ass a few times before putting them back up to her hips, he’d tested the waters but got rejected. Now, she was loosening up a bit. 

“So.” She blinked up at him. “Are you gonna be nice to me tonight so you can kiss me?”

Harry's eyes glinted with a mixture of desire and playful mischief. He loved it when she teased him just as much as he loved it when she got all shy and flustered. Which one he likes more, he couldn’t tell. "Oh, I'll be so nice to you tonight you won't be able to stand it." he purred, his voice low and husky. 

He wrapped his arms around her waist, drawing her closer until their bodies were flush against each other. "But I have one condition, little miss."

“What is that?” She questioned, unsure what it could be. With him, it could be anything.

"You have to promise me that if I'm being too... forward, you'll tell me to back off. I don't want to overstep. Even though I want to kiss you until you can't think straight. So promise me you'll speak up if I get too much." 

Her smile widened, nodding in agreement. He’d just earned himself quite a few points. Never had she expected him to be as respectful as he was, but she utterly adored it.  “I will. I promise, I’ll tell you.” She agreed, leaning up to kiss the curve of his jaw. “But it’s time for you to eat. I can feel your tummy grumbling.”

Harry let out a low chuckle, his eyes flickering over her pretty face. He loved the way her smile widened, and the feeling of her plump lips against his jaw send a shiver down his spine. More. He wanted more, and more, until their mouths were tingling and numb. Until she looked drunk on the kisses, clinging to him like he could only hope.

"Mmm. Okay, fine." he grumbled. "I'll eat. But only if you feed me, since you were so kind as to order ahead for me." He gave her a puppy-dog look, his lower lip jutted out in a mock-pout. It was good, she’s give him that- but not good enough.

“Absolutely not.” She snorted. “Nice try.”

[happy74827]

I'm not sure if requests are open but I just wanted to ask if you could write Gideon graves with a bossy/dominant reader

Also I absolutely love all of your fics they are so good!! ☺

Powerless

[Gideon Graves x Female!Reader]

Synopsis: Gideon had always made people believe he was the man in charge with his brashness. But when he goes too far, you decide to put him in his place.

WC: 2255

Category: Spice/Lime

Hopefully by bossy/dominant reader you meant Gideon being a begging mess… because that’s what I wrote lmfaooo

『••✎••』

Gideon Graves sat across from you in the upscale restaurant, the clinking of cutlery and the soft murmur of conversation forming a soothing soundtrack to the night. He looked handsome in his tuxedo, the sharp lines and high-quality material only highlighting his strong shoulders and narrow waist and his long, lithe body that had so often pressed against yours. He watched you across the table, his dark eyes following your movements as you lifted your glass and took a small sip.

"The food is delicious," you said. "But then, I should've expected that. You always have to show off."

Gideon's lips quirked, his gaze lingering on your mouth.

"What?" you said.

"I'm enjoying myself," he murmured, reaching across the table for his own glass of wine. "We haven't done this in a while. I'd forgotten how much fun it is."

"That's because you're the most insufferable person I've ever met."

"Is that why you keep me around?"

Truth be told, there were a lot of reasons. He was attractive and charismatic, with a sharp mind and a quick wit, not to mention a tongue that was just as wicked as it was talented. But that was all surface, and what really kept you around were the things he kept hidden. The way he would smile and his eyes would soften, the way he'd sometimes rest his chin on your shoulder, his arms wrapped around you as you watched a movie, the way he would kiss you like he needed your breath to live.

"Something like that," you said.

You leaned across the table, and his eyes glittered, anticipating a kiss. But you stopped just short of his mouth.

This was Gideon’s reason for “keeping” you. The thrill of the chase, the game of dominance. You were both the hunter and the hunted, the cat and the mouse. Though, on paper, he was the one with all the power, all the money, and influence, but you knew who was really in control. And you made sure to remind him of it whenever the opportunity arose.

He watched you, his expression unreadable, his face impassive. You waited, not moving a muscle, watching him watch you. It was a battle of wills, a game of chicken. He broke first, leaning forward to close the gap between you, but you leaned back just enough so his mouth missed yours, catching your bottom lip between his teeth instead. You held his gaze, watching the dark fire in his eyes, the hunger in his face. You waited a few moments until his expression grew impatient, and then you pulled away, leaving him grasping at air.

He smiled, the edges of his expression turning dangerous.

"Dessert?" he said.

You grinned. “Yes, actually.”

Gideon chuckled, that pissed-off smile still in place. He snapped his fingers, and a waiter hurried over. You hated it when he did that, but you had to admit, it was effective.

"Hey, man," he said, looking down his nose at the waiter. "Say…what do you have for dessert here? You got anything chocolate?"

"Chocolate mousse, sir," the waiter said.

"Cool, yeah, I'll take one of those. What about you, Honey?” He knew how much you hated it when he called you by pet names. That’s why he did it. “I know you love your chocolate. Oh, but not too much, now. We have to watch our figures."

You were absolutely livid. You glared at him from across the table, but his smirk didn’t waver. He could read your emotions like an open book.

"I'm going to the bathroom," you said.

"I'll call if our food arrives," he said, giving you a wink. As you got up, secretly fuming, you saw the waiter glance over at him, a nervous look on his face. Gideon caught the look but simply told the waiter to add another chocolate mousse to his order.

At least he knew what you liked.

The bathroom was a welcome escape from the tension. You splashed water on your face, breathing deep. When you had calmed down enough, you exited the bathroom, only to find Gideon waiting for you by the door.

"I ordered some champagne for you," he said, and though his tone was innocent, his expression was not. “I thought it would help wash the chocolate down."

You exploded. All that was on your mind was the memory of the bathroom being completely empty. With the assurance that no one else was around, you grabbed his lapels and shoved him into the bathroom. He barely had time to gasp in surprise before you shoved him against the wall, pinning him there.

All the sarcasm and snark left him, replaced by a wide-eyed stare and flushed cheeks. His chest rose and fell rapidly, his breath coming in short pants.

"Are you out of your mind?" He managed to say, but his voice shook. You had him right where you wanted him.

"What, Gideon? Did I ruin your little game?" You pressed yourself closer, the heat of his body radiating through his clothes. His skin was so warm. You felt the outline of his body through the fabric, the hard line of his waist, his chest. You slid your hands along the edge of his coat, feeling his ribs, his heart.

"No," he said. His eyes were wide, and you could feel him trembling. He was always like this, at the mercy of his own desires, his own wanton lust. It was so easy to play him, to manipulate him. You didn't even need to use your powers; it was his own weakness. He was putty in your hands. "Not yet."

You moved your hand down, over his stomach, and lower, between his legs. He moaned, his head falling back against the wall. His skin was so hot, you could feel it through the fabric. He was hard, and his hips twitched, seeking more contact.

"Don't stop," he said, his voice strained.

"Why shouldn't I?"

He didn't answer. He was just a panting, desperate mess, a slave to his own urges.

You pulled away, and his face fell, the flush draining from his cheeks. This was his punishment, and you loved every second of it.

"I think we should go back," you said. "Before our dessert gets cold."

"I'll buy the whole restaurant," he said.

You raised your eyebrows, and his expression darkened.

"Anything," he said. "Anything, I'll buy it. You want the fucking moon? It's yours."

You laughed. "That's not how it works, Gideon."

"Please," he begged. "Let me..."

You leaned in close. His breath was hot against your cheek, his heartbeat racing. Gideon was the picture of desperation, and you were the only one who could bring him this far, the only one who could make him lose control. You kissed him, and he groaned, his hips bucking into your hand. He was so eager, so pliant. He was at your mercy.

"I want my mousse," you whispered. “And I want all the teasing to stop. I've been a good girl, haven't I?"

He whimpered. "Yes."

"So, I think you owe me a reward, don't you?"

"Yes, yes," he said, nodding quickly.

"Good.”

He shuddered, closing his eyes. You could see his chest rising and falling as he took a few deep breaths, calming himself. He swallowed and opened his eyes again; the fire returned to his gaze. He gave you a smile, a real one, the kind of smile that made your stomach flutter.

“Home, then? I imagine.” He ran his fingers through his hair, smoothing the disheveled strands. He took a step towards you, and you moved away. His smile widened.

"Nope. You’re not getting anything tonight. You'll have to prove to me that you can behave, or I'll leave you in the cold."

His expression fell.

"And, no, that's not a euphemism," you added.

"That's not fair."

"Well, life isn't fair, is it?"

"I'll take a cab home," he said, a slight growl to his voice.

"You won't. Because I know that the second I leave, you're going to get yourself off."

"You can't tell me what to do," he said, and a small smirk spread across his face. He was trying to get a rise out of you.

"You're right. I can't. But I know that if you don't listen to me, you'll never get what you want. And if you want me, then you better be a good boy."

He bit his lip, his eyes flicking over your body.

"Okay," he said, finally. "I'll be a good boy. Promise."

"Good. Now let's go have our mousse."

Gideon groaned, his expression pained.

You giggled. "I mean, unless you'd rather just go home..."

"No," he said quickly. "No, no. Mousse is good. Great."

You smirked. "That's what I thought."

The two of you headed back out, and Gideon took his seat, looking more composed than before, though he was still flushed.

"You okay, there?" You said innocently.

"Mhmm."

"I mean, if you'd like, I can ask the waiter for some water or-"

"I'm fine," he snapped.

"Good. I'd hate to see you suffer."

He looked at you, and his expression was pained. But you ignored it. The mousse was placed in front of you, and you dug in. It was rich and smooth and absolutely delicious.

“Thanks, honey," you said, flashing a smile at Gideon. You might’ve slammed him into the wall and practically choked him with lust, but the mousse was delicious, and you had to thank him for that. You’ve always been good with manners.

Gideon smiled back, though it was clearly forced.

"You're welcome," he said.

The rest of the night was pleasant despite his suffering. He kept quiet, his eyes lingering on you, watching your every move. You finished your mousse and asked for the bill, and Gideon paid for the entire meal. You felt slightly bad since the check was more than the down payment for your apartment, but Gideon assured you that it was fine and that money was no object.

He escorted you out, and the valet brought the car around. He opened the door for you, and you slipped inside. You watched him walk around to the other side and climb in. He was so graceful, like a dancer or a model.

"Where to?" He said.

"Yours," you said simply, with a soft smile.

He paused, his eyes widening with surprise. And then, his expression softened, his features becoming relaxed. His smile was warm, and he nodded.

"Of course."

Gideon might’ve kept his cool in front of the valet and the staff at the restaurant, but the second the two of you stepped inside his apartment, his composure began to crumble just as you knew it would. His eyes were glazed over with desire, his breathing was shallow, and his cheeks flushed.

This was the Gideon you wanted. This was the Gideon you craved.

He followed you inside, and as soon as the door closed and you allowed him to, he pushed you up against the wall. You let him kiss you, his mouth warm and soft, his tongue darting out to tease yours. He was eager, his hands gripping your hips. He was still holding back, trying not to let himself go, but you knew he couldn't resist.

"Touch me," you demanded, and he groaned, his lips sliding down to your neck. He kissed your throat, his teeth scraping lightly over your skin. He was gentle, but you could tell he wanted more. You tilted your head back, giving him access to the smooth expanse of your neck, and he obliged, his tongue and teeth working together to tease and torture.

You sighed, letting him pleasure you. He was so talented, so skilled. It was hard to believe that the man who could give you such blissful, agonizing ecstasy was the same man who could make your blood boil and your skin crawl.

"Fuck," you breathed as he nipped at your collarbone. He knew all the places to touch, to tease. He could play your body like a finely tuned instrument, drawing out every last note.

He lifted his head, his eyes dark and hooded. His lips were swollen, his breath coming in hot pants.

"I want you," he whispered.

"I know."

"Let me have you."

"Not yet."

"Please.” He was begging again. You loved it.

"Soon."

"Now."

"Be patient, Gideon."

He whimpered. You could feel his hands trembling, his hips twitching against yours. He was straining against his clothes, aching for release.

And unfortunately for him, the night was only just beginning, and you happened to love it when he was begging and pleading for release.

So, with a coy smile, you pulled away and started towards his bedroom. He was frozen in place, his expression dazed and his cheeks flushed. His gaze followed you as you moved, watching as you undressed.

You removed your blouse, letting the silky fabric slip off your shoulders and down your arms. You tossed it aside and unclasped your bra, letting it join the pile of discarded clothing. Your skirt followed suit, pooling at your feet. Gideon swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing.

You stepped out of your clothes and turned around, heading towards the bedroom, leaving him behind. He didn't follow. You heard a low moan and the soft shuffle of clothes. You couldn't help but smirk.

The bed was soft and warm. You stretched out on the covers, running your fingers through your hair.

And with one simple word, you made him forget everything.

"Come.”

[goosetheluce]

you're my home (lucy gray baird x fem!reader)

info: cussing, ever so slight angst, mutual pining, confession, reader is running from district twelve with lucy gray

a/n: it's not weird to have a crush on someone with the first name as you !! taylor swift and taylor lautner did it leave me alone

»--•--«

you stirred from your rest at the bright sunbeams pouring through the trees. and maybe also lucy gray's insistent tugging and repetition of your name.

"holy shit," she grumbles, clearly dismayed. "wake up! we're almost there. gotta get moving."

" 'm up. lord."

you heaved a sigh and arched your back, a tight line of pops rushing down your spine. you took a deep inhale, eyes shutting again as you ran a hand along your fucked up, greasy hair.

traveling on foot for a week isn't the most flattering look.

when you peeled your eyes open, you were met with lucy gray's judging stare beating down on you. considering the way the corners of her lips twitched, though, you knew she couldn't stay annoyed at your heavy sleeping for too long.

"gimme a break, lucy gray. i'm not used to this," you rasped. you rolled out of your tent and lay dramatically on the forest floor. what's a little more dirt, anyway?

she scoffed and her radiance peeked through her exasperated face. the wide smile woke you up a little more.

"should've hung out with the covey more while we were still around the district," she scolds, grabbing your soft hands and wrapping them in hers to pull you to your feet. "might've taught you how to not be a baby."

"maybe. but i ran away with you, didn't i?" you retorted. "i think that makes me pretty grown."

lucy gray's playful smile faded into a more serene one. she simply gave a nod and stepped away, picking up her backpack.

"look what i found while you were asleep," she murmured. she pulled out eggs (poor mother bird), and a bundle of herbs for tea later. your mouth watered.

"no salt and pepper?" you teased, taking an egg and inspecting it. it was heavy. you were hit with homesickness as you remembered your kitchen, which sometimes struggled to stay stocked, but at least you had the chance for butter.

you both decided on soft-boiling the eggs in the tiny pot you begged lucy gray to pack before you ventured off. you sat and ate, peeling away the crackling shell and talking about the journey and whatever else before packing up and hiking through another day.

things were natural with her. hell, everything about her was natural. her beauty was untouched by the standards of the capitol and instead flourished freely. it was evident in the lively bounce of her dark waves and her sunkissed olive skin. you wondered when the last time was you looked in the mirror without picking everything apart, envying lucy gray's outward confidence.

"i still can't believe we're doing this," you spoke up, the silence becoming insufferable.

lucy gray turns her head to meet your eyes, her expression neutral. sweat pooled on her hairline and dripped down her temples. you knew if you reached out to touch her, her skin would be blazing with the power of the sun. good thing she doesn't burn.

"like, running away and all that. i thought i'd rot away in twelve for the rest of my life."

till i met you, you added on silently.

lucy gray laughed.

"a woman like you? naw, i had to steal you away. couldn't let such a beauty go to work in those damned mines."

"you really think i'm that much of a priss?" you sighed, batting your eyelashes at her sarcastically.

"oh, honey, i never said that. sometimes a girl just wants a treat for herself. so i got my treat."

you blamed the high noon for your feverish cheeks.

the minutes turned into hours, and the shadows stretched across the grass. laughter rang across the fields.

"your first kiss was billy taupe? he's so fucking boring, i'm sorry," you cackled, eyes shut tight from hysteria. "sadly for the rest of us, though...next to you, anyone is boring."

"what? first kisses aren't exactly known to be glamorous," lucy gray defended. "besides, i got the real deal after him."

"oh?" you perked up, voice stabilizing. "this mystery guy must be the reason your head was in the clouds...at least, according to maude."

suddenly, the happiness drained from her face. "for a while, i guess. wasn't worth it." you averted your eyes to the front of the scenery. your grip tightened around the straps of your backpack.

"you deserve better. you'll find someone. a hot guy from district four, maybe," you teased, nudging her arm with your elbow.

like me.

"oh, perfect, a fisher! don't even need to buy cologne for his birthday; it'd be useless against that rank," she remarks sourly.

you giggled as her teasing gaze met yours. your grin was mirrored, and you memorized the crevices of her smile lines. her eyes fluttered down to your lips for a brief moment before she cleared her throat and unraveled her map.

you let out a deep breath and looked around. you remembered when you first met lucy gray, frozen and terrified to see somebody else outside the limits of twelve. she eyed you warily from the lake, her lips parted and brow furrowed.

you realized you should probably say something to the girl in the lake, but you didn't know what. she waded toward you and began a less-than-friendly warning before you interrupted her.

"we don't have food. i'm just out here to gather some things."

the girl's voice halted and her shoulders reluctantly dropped from their defensive position.

"thank god."

"what are you doing in there? aren't you gonna get caught?" you inquired nervously, eyes flitting everywhere. the girl laughed brightly.

"those joke 'peacekeepers' don't care about anything that goes on past the fences. not even a covey girl swimming. scandalous, i know."

you stared as the sun washed over her soaked hair.

"lucy gray baird," she offered up her name. "but you can call me lucy gray. that's what all my friends call me."

"i'm..." you started, walking to the edge of the dock to meet her at the water.

she muttered something quietly, bringing you back to the present.

"what's that?"

"ah, just that we should stop here for the night. it's not a good idea to go through the forest in the dark. so easy to get lost," lucy gray corrects herself. you nodded and looked around for a spot.

"there looks good," you suggested, pointing to a spot under a lone cluster of trees. lucy gray hums in agreement before starting towards the spot, taking your hand in hers. your heart skipped.

the sky wept deep indigo, bleeding down into the horizon as the sun sank. insects chirped and buzzed, their calls flowing through the tree leaves and across the grassy plains. the fire was warm; the smell of roasted game and pungent tea carried away in the wind. lucy gray's wavy voice split the thick summer air pleasantly. your eyes stayed fixed on her. her dainty fingers held her tea. a sly smile painted her face.

"you stare a lot," she remarked. "you know that, right?"

your eyebrows raised a bit. you kept looking, wondering how she'd noticed and still hadn't even looked up to meet your gaze. until she did.

god, you loved the way her eyes looked like a cup of black coffee. the way your grandma used to make it. or maybe the tree bark you peeled away from a rotting trunk as a kid. the soil embedded between your fingers after a long day of work.

"i do know that," you responded a second too late. awkward delivery. you swallowed and looked into the towering coniferous forest. shadows crept from beneath the canopy and raised the hairs on the back of your neck.

"we should probably wrap it up soon," you insisted. "put out the fire, get to bed, all that." you picked at a scab till it flaked off.

lucy gray scoffed, setting her tea beside your backpacks.

"the sun is barely gone. just 'cause the birds are sleepin' don't mean we are."

you said nothing in return, still wary of the woods nearby. your fingers pressed firmly into the skin of your arms, which were rested on your knees. you sighed and put your head down.

you felt lucy gray's gaze burning into you. you felt the former scab swelling and the droplet of blood spilling down your arm.

"you messed with it too much. might get infected if we don't clean it," she asserted. you smiled with your head on your knees. lucy gray was making an excuse to touch you. you wondered silently if she felt the same intense heartrate, the same jolt of electricity every time your arms brushed as you hiked through the countryside.

away from all the rules.

you lifted your head and saw lucy gray hurrying back with a damp towel and honey. your brow furrowed.

"what's that for?"

she chuckled as she kneeled down to wipe away the blood and dirt with the towel.

"it'll keep that cut clean. antibacterial properties an' all. trust me."

your breath hitched as the towel made contact with your cut. the gentle sting of raw honey being spread across the wound is what snapped your drooping eyelids back open.

definitely not lucy gray's lips so close to you.

"...hey," she whispered.

"hi?" you responded, smiling a bit.

"it's alright if you're homesick. you can talk to me about it, if you'd like."

you breathed out a long sigh and pressed your forehead to hers. she hesitated before bringing her left hand to rest on the side of your face.

"lucy gray," you began, but struggled to finish. you pulled back slightly to make eye contact.

"i'm not that homesick. i have you," you whispered softly.

"you're my home."

you were met with a tense silence. you wanted to turn and run, because how could you be so stupid to tell her that, and you ruined the moment, and-

suddenly her lips are pressing gently into yours. your eyes widened. the taste of the tea she was drinking lingered on your tongue as she shuffled back.

"fuck! fuck, i'm sorry, i wasn't thinkin'," she apologized, voice shaking as she stared at you. she fiddled with her hands anxiously. you'd never seen her so flustered.

all you did was make your way back to her, cupping her face in a heavy kiss. you smiled against her, feeling her body relax into yours. her hands rested on top of yours before sliding comfortably onto your waist. she pulled back, jet black eyes bright with starlight and exhilaration.

"coming with you, getting away from twelve...it's been the best decision i ever made," you confessed, dropping your hands from her face and instead rubbing her arms. "i've wanted nothing except you for like, a year now."

"we've known each other for almost three years. i'm wounded," lucy gray teased, her fingers unsuccessfully smoothing the top layer of your hair.

"well, was i better than billy taupe?"

"quiet, you."

»--•--«

[yesbutmakeitgay]

Taking Back The Crown

GIF by usersuperman

Carol Danvers x Reader

We’ve Loved A Thousand Lives

Same beginning, different story every time.

Part 16

Angst, Jealousy, Cheating, Happy ending.

Beta'd by @cordeliasdarling 💜

Word count: 2.1k

Masterlist | This collection | AO3

Carol walks back to her ship after another successful mission wanting for nothing more than to relax and rest while reaching her next destination. As soon as she enters the vessel, she hears shuffling in the darkness making alarm set into her.

She enters slowly trying not to make a sound, her glowing fists giving away her location. She reaches the light switch and flips it on before you can find a hiding spot.

"Back so soon?" she asks, her expression is unreadable.

You are frozen in place, caught like a deer in headlights, "Yup," you stammer.

You were really hoping to go in and out of the ship and not even have to run into Carol, but nothing is ever so simple with her, is it?

She stands tall making sure to keep you on edge, "I didn't think you'd come back."

"You didn't think I'd come back, or you hoped I wouldn’t?"

She looks to the side, pretending to think, "…Both."

"Words everybody wants to hear," you mumble under your breath, then clear your throat, "anyway, I just came here to get my stuff, but I can't find any of it."

"You mean all the clothes you left here? I sent them to your wife's house."

"You did what?" your response comes with a loud groan, "You could have said something!"

"That’s right, I could have," she crosses her arms, "but we don't do that here, do we?"

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, "You are insufferable, now I have to go to her house," you dread.

She squints her eyes in confusion, "Do you not live with her?"

You frown in disbelief at her question, "No," you answer obviously.

"Did she divorce you already?"

You sigh deeply and shake your head, "I am not getting into this with you."

"Fine, I don't care."

Once you decide this conversation is over, you walk to the couch and sit down, she remains standing on her spot, "Well," she gestures at you, "your things aren't here, you know the way out," she bites.

You look through the window out of the corner of your eye and realize the ship is already moving, Carol must have forgotten she left it on autopilot, which causes you to grin, "Unfortunately, the way out leads to an abyss which I cannot physically withstand, so you're gonna have to wait until my ride gets here." You don’t even have a ride, you just know this is gonna get on her nerves so bad, and you are proven right when her face retorts sourly and she huffs, walking away.

She goes to sit on the exact opposite end of the ship, far away enough that she doesn’t have to see you. You catch the sound of her angry mumbling and poke the bear, "What’s that?"

She decides to get into it since you can't go anywhere this time, "I leave for a six month long mission and when I return you are married to my best friend!" she yells bitterly.

"For the millionth time, Carol, it was a marriage of convenience." Your tone is firm but calm.

"You cannot keep expecting me to believe that."

"Why not?"

"Because it's bullshit."

It's your turn to murmur, "This again." You bite your tongue and give her time to cool down before you speak again, "Do you love Yan?" you ask as you stand up and walk closer to her.

She eyes your every move, "Of course I do, he's my friend."

"But do you love him?" You accentuate the word 'love' this time, sitting across from her on the dining table.

"Not romantically."

"Then, why did you marry him?"

"Because he asked, he needed to marry a woman to be respected as a leader of the matriarchal society he lives in," she responds plainly, not understanding what you’re getting at.

"So, I’m supposed to believe you married Yan to help him out, but you refuse to accept I did the same with Valkyrie?"

She stares at you with her big brown eyes, "I was her best friend, why couldn’t she ask me?" She lowers her voice and you can hear the sadness in it.

You think you’ve finally gotten to the bottom of this, so you begin to explain what happened, "While you were gone, Val came to me looking for you, she was so desperate she was almost crying, have you ever seen her cry?" Carol tries to remember and shakes her head in response, "She wanted to ask you a favor, but you were out so far away even she couldn't reach you."

Carol takes in your every word intently, unconsciously fidgeting with her gloves.

"She had known she had to make the arrangement for months, but she kept putting it off and that was the last day, so of course I agreed. It was all so sudden we didn't even have a party." The story seems pretty straight forward to you.

"I found you on her bed!" she objects.

To you, that was such an insignificant detail that you had already forgotten it happened, but Carol seems to be holding onto it for dear life, "We slept together that night for the sake of tradition, but nothing happened, I was still dating you."

"Then, why didn't you fight me back?" Her jaw is stiff.

"You didn't exactly leave any room for discussion," the echoes of her anger bounce around the room like memories of war, bearing a hole in her chest, "I always felt quite comfortable around your insurmountable power, but that day, I truly feared for my life," you confess.

Her features turn skeptical, "That can't be true."

"You threw a chair at me, Carol," you remind her in a gentle tone.

She spots the dent that still remains on the wall, "Oh my God, I threw a chair at you, what was I thinking," she whispers with remorse.

"You weren’t," you chuckle back.

"How are you so casual talking about this?"

You simply shrug, "You have to admit, it's kinda funny looking back, in a dark and twisted way."

She lowers her head and rubs her own arm in shame, "So, you didn't cheat on me?"

"Of course not," you assure her.

"And, you only married my best friend for convenience?"

"Just like you."

"I feel so dumb."

"Oh, you are," you joke.

"Stop it," she shoots you a harsh look, but you can tell she doesn’t mean it, "I sent Val a box with all your things and a very rude note, I hope she didn't see it," she dreads.

"Incoming call from New Asgard," the ship announces almost on cue, making Carol's eyes go wide as she rushes to compose herself.

A hologram of Valkyrie holding a small card in her hand appears in the air, "Excuse me, Captain Marvel, you want me to choke on what?"

"I am so sorry, that was not meant for you, and," Carol shoots you a glance, "I’ve come to realize it was also extremely uncalled for," she rushes to apologize.

"And you're hanging out with my wife?" Val smiles amused, "Hi, love, how are you doing?" she addresses you.

You gently scratch the back of your neck, "Hey, King, I’m good thank you."

"Oh, please, there's no need for formalities, you are My Queen after all."

"Yeah, alright," you stammer awkwardly, you know this is not helping your case with Carol, "how have you been?"

Valkyrie’s eyes glimmer, "Aren’t you the sweetest thing in the universe?"

Carol can feel acid traveling up her esophagus, "Enough, both of you!" she chastises, "I’m sorry about the note, we will go retrieve the box soon, okay?"

Val sucks on her teeth as her features flatten, "Fine, but next time you want to insult me, come tell me yourself, I'll see you soon, sweetheart." She winks at you and hangs up.

After a moment of silence, Carol points to the now empty space where Valkyrie’s hologram was, "See? That is exactly why I don't believe you."

"The King likes being married to me, what can I say?" you tease, "I promise you it's all a ruse, I mean, doesn't Yan sing his nicest songs to you?"

"His language is song, that's different!"

"It doesn't matter, I think Val enjoys making your blood boil." You are taking this much too lightly to Carol’s liking.

"Does she know we broke up over your marriage?"

"She does."

"Then, why does she keep rubbing it in my face?" Turns out, you’re not really making any progress with this, despite your efforts.

"Because she thinks she's hilarious."

"I’m not so sure about that."

Knowing Carol will never just take your word for it, you suggest, "Let's go ask her."

The next day, you land in New Asgard.

"Your Majesty," The King’s assistant welcomes you with surprise, "we would have loved to know about your visit in advance so we could have made preparations."

You’re still not used to the whole 'being treated like a royal' thing, "That’s no problem, really, it's just a quick stop, may I speak to The King, please?"

"Of course, follow me." You both follow them to Valkyrie's office, they knock and open the door.

"I told you not to disturb me," Valkyrie says without looking away from her desk.

"I know, Your Majesty, but The Queen is here to see you," the assistant announces shyly.

Val’s eyes meet yours immediately and her whole face lights up, "Hi, darling! Missed me already?"

You walk all the way to her, but Carol remains out of sight by the doorframe, Val kisses your knuckle softly, "Hello again," you greet her more sure of yourself than you were the day before, "I need to ask you a favor."

"I always knew this day would come," she insinuates in a husky voice as she starts loosening her tie.

"No, no!" you scold her, "I need you to drop this whole game of yours. Now."

She pouts, taken aback, "I thought you liked it."

"I do, it's cute but, um," you lazily point back to where Carol is standing, "Carol doesn't like it, and—" Valkyrie follows your movements with her eyes and sees The Captain for the first time.

Val interrupts you, straightening her tone, "Oh, too far?" She instantly knows what you mean.

You bite your lip apologetically, "Yes."

"Say no more, My Queen," she then directs herself to Carol, "my deepest apologies, Marv."

"Seriously? You watched us break up over this," Carol demands bitterly, stepping into the room.

"That is not true, I only started the act after you two split up."

Carol begins to overheat, a slight glow surrounding her, "So you were flirting with her?"

Val hesitates, "In a way, but never with any further intentions," Carol crosses her arms, challenging her, "Marv, you know damn well if I wanted to get with your ex, I would have already," she talks like you're not there, "but I would never, because you're my best friend, and frankly, I didn't think you'd last this long apart. If anything, I kept flirting with her in hopes that you would finally do something about it."

You weren’t aware of half the things Valkyrie just said, but you’re satisfied with her answer, "Is that enough for you, Princess?" you ask Carol with a tinge of mockery in the title.

Carol breathes in sharply, "Sure, Queen."

You decide to ignore the bite in her tone and keep moving, "Great! Now if you could tell me where the box with my things is, we will get out of your hair," you tell Val.

"Right, the death threat is in my quarters."

"May I?" You ask permission to enter her space.   "Of course, My Queen, you shouldn't need to ask."

You share a cordial kiss with her, "Thanks, Val, I love you." You point your goodbye with a stern look before she attempts to say any more inappropriate things.

"Love you too," she mouths with a genuine smile, "goodbye, Marv, it's always a pleasure to see you."

"I’m sorry again about the mean note, take care." Your marriage definitely took a toll on their friendship, but you’re sure they will work it out eventually.

You exit The King's office and make your way to her room with Carol following behind you, "You sure know your way around these hallways," she quips

You roll your eyes, "So do you, you wanna lead the way?"

"No, I’m enjoying the view." You remain looking ahead, but you're sure if you turned around, you would see a shit eating grin plastered on her face.

You retrieve your things and make your way back into the ship, "So we're both convenience royalty," Carol says while putting the box down.

"Indeed," you respond awkwardly.

"And that's okay," she continues, mostly to convince herself.

"Mhmm."

She turns to you, chewing on her bottom lip, "Could you still be my girlfriend. Again. Please?"

You laugh, finding her hesitation endearing, "It would be my pleasure, Princess."

[bo-go-vroom]

Dirty Diana

Paring: Bo Duke x Female reader

Word count: 1,107

Rating: 16+

Warning: A bit suggestive, Swears, Bo being Bo

A/N: for my first ever fic, I'd say this went pretty damn well. taglist down below, inbox always open

July 13th, 1979

             It was a usual Friday in Hazzard County about 5:00 in the afternoon, with Boss Hogg cooking up some illegal scheme to get rich, Daisy working at the Boar’s Nest, Enos trying to get her attention, and Bo and Luke Duke were probably out running from Rosco. Speaking of Bo Duke, he owed you quite a bit of money. You two had made a deal a while back. All of the neighboring counties were holding races and he had bet you that he and Luke were going to win them all, and if not all, more than you. He was so sure they were going to win, with both of them being able to drive and fix up a car, that he had bet you $20 for every race you win. You had won the first race, but as of right now? You were screwed. You could only drive, not tune a car. And that was another problem, you didn’t know anybody that could! I mean, there used to be Cooter, but the boys? They had gotten him on their side after the last race, and all your other friends were drivers, not mechanics. Where in hell where you going to find a mechanic this quick. Maybe you could get lucky and Daisy could secretly be good under the hood! That was it, you were going to get in the car, speed towards the Boar’s Nest, and pray that Daisy was your next mechanic.

            Turns out she was, and you now had a mechanic for the rest of the competition.  Provided that she wasn’t a spy for the boys…. Which I don’t believe her to be, but you can’t be too careful. Now back to what matters, winning the races. Part of you wanted to win for the money, cause if you won all the races, it was well over $100. $20 for every race you won times 7 races was $140, and by God did you not want to have to give the boys that much. But the bigger part of you wanted to win just to beat them. You didn’t mind if you were beat by the other racers, just not the Duke boys. You would rather die than let Bo or Luke have bragging rights to this. Especially Bo, he would tease you to no end. Constantly going on and on and on about how he beat little miss hotshot at not only 1, but 7 races. 7!! He would be insufferable

            To avoid letting them win, you’d need to do some work on Dirty Diana (your car). And that’s what you were doing right now, albeit a bit awkwardly considering Bo and Luke had just pulled up in the General Lee. And of course, it was right as you were bent over under the hood, guaranteeing the first comment from Bo was going to be something- “What’s cookin’ good lookin’?” with a low whistle at the end. Luke rolled his eyes and chuckled before going inside the bar. “Shut the hell up, Bo, can’t you see I’m tryna’ work here?” you said, not looking up from the car. He took a quick glance up and down. “Yes, I can see that actually, quite a nice view too.” He sat down on the hood of the General.

            You sigh and push yourself off the car and look at him. “Why are you always like this?” “I don’t know, maybe because it’s you.” The fuck did he mean by that? “The fuck do you mean by that?” “You’re just so easy to tease, pumpkin.” “…Stop calling me pumpkin before I throw a wrench at you.” He bit his lip and laughed a bit. “Feisty, just the way I like ‘em.” I don’t know about you, but he’s really getting on my nerves. “Fuck you, Bo.” “Oh, talk dirtier to me, it’s turning me on.” Yeah…. that’s it. Tell him off! He can’t treat you like this! You go back to working on the car and try to ignore him. Or not…silent treatment works too…I guess. Well… ‘try’ was the keyword. No matter how hard you tried, nobody could ignore Bo. He was too persistent. Cause goddamn if he wanted attention, he was gonna get it, and if there was anything he wanted most in the world right now, it was your attention. So that’s what he was going to get, by any means necessary, but you weren’t going to let him.

“You know…. you’re cute when you’re angry.” …what? Cute? He’s never called you that before. He’s called you hot, sexy, everything along those lines, but never cute. “What did you say?” You looked up and his expression was softer than normal. “I said you’re cute when you’re angry.” “You’re lying, you’ve never said I was cute, so don’t start now.” “No, I’s the truth. I think you’re cute, always have, and probably always will.” What. The. Fuck. “So, you decided to flirt with anything that is remotely feminine, but harass me? And besides, I’m not your type. You like stick thin Barbie dolls.” He hops off the hood and starts walking over to you, pressing his chest to your back, his head on your shoulder and his arms around your waist. “Yeah, so what? Those are the kind of girls a guy goes on one-night stands with. Quick hookups. Not girlfriend material.”

 … Wait… he’s got a point. “And I am? I’m such good girlfriend material that you decided to borderline bully me since the 8th grade?” “Mhm!” He says cheerfully. “Had to make sure you could put up will al my bullshit” Okay, you have to admit, he is being pretty damn cute right now. “So what do you say? Wanna give it a shot?” He’s serious about this? Damn, I guess you do get bitched after all. “Sure why not. But I swear to god if you fuck it up.” “I won’t princess, I won’t” You whack him with the little rag that was next to you. He lets out a yelp mixed with a laugh and jumps back. “I can’t call you princess? But I’m you boyfriend! I gotta call you cheesy pennames, it’s in the handbook!”

Out of the corner of you eye, you see Luke start to open the door of the Boar’s Nest so you give Bo a quick kiss and swat his butt. He walks back to the General, vibrating with visible excitement. The boys get in the car and you wave.

 “Bye Bo, Bye Luke!” “Bye sweetheart. See you in Choctaw!”

Oh you were so gonna beat their ass in the next race.

Taglist:

[wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart]

Yet another average day in Family Video:

"Hey. Remember when you said that you'd totally fuck Jonathan."

"When...? Oh, yeah. What the fuck that was literally a month ago why are you mentioning that now?"

"Because that was the same conversation we decided to get the matching tramp stamps. And trying to hide those from my parents is a literal pain in the ass. Pun fully intended. I can't even sit straight and-"

"I'd say you can't do anything straight"

"Not like I can do anything str- fuck you"

Steve swaggers to the back and takes out the whiteboard they purchased together - on ROBIN'S SUGGESTION may he add.

"Can't believe you're losing in your own game. About bad jokes. And being gay. Which are basically your two only personality traits."

Robin's side is embarrassingly empty. He sees it as cosmic karma for her you-suck-game during their scoops ahoy era.

"Alright mister little bitch"

"And yet, this little bitch is beating you in your own game"

Robin shows him the finger. Steve bites the finger because he is a little shit and things like boundaries and personal space have already lost all meaning between the two of them.

In this moment the front doors open. The elderly man takes one look at the scene before him and leaves without a word.

"Where did the Jonathan thing come from?"

"Dunno. I was bored. Thought it'd be funny to see you go through a gay crisis."

"Not much of a crisis if I already admitted to it."

"You're no fun."

"Really? That was not what my dad said three months ago. According to him I am a fucking joke."

"Coming from Harrington Senior that's honestly a compliment"

"Please remind me of that the next time I radio you at 3 am. Who is on tape duty?"

"I did it last time."

"Alright" Steve nods towards the small pile of romcoms they have pointedly not been reshelving for the last half an hour. "Enjoy your alone time in the romance section."

"Do you think it would be an invasion of privacy if we checked who returned all that? It was either an epic girls night of an awful breakup." Her voice gets fainter as she moves to the back of the store.

"Nah. We're in the land of the free or whatever. Wait, let me do it"

"You're only saying that so you can procrastinate asshole"

"Does that mean you don't want to know who took them? Because I promise you, you really really do."

"Don't ask if you already know the answer dingus"

"Guess"

"Ummm....power bottom."

"What?"

"Like with Jonathan. Would you rather he call the shots or the other way around?"

She makes a series of incomprehensible movements that are probably supposed to represent intercourse between two men.

"This is the reason god made you a lesbian"

"And thank him for that. Amen."

"Why are you so obsessed with Jonathan anyway."

"You're deflecting"

"Yeah sure, I am deflecting. C'mon, Buckley. Resume or later?"

"Who was the one who took all the romcoms?"

"If I tell you, will you tell me what's really going on?"

"Depends on your answer."

"I thought you weren't interested in my sex life? Every time-"

In this moment the door opens again. Two girls come in, arm in arm. One is wearing a look that can only be described as disgust, the other is clearly trying to hold in laughter with moderate success.

Over the course of many painful months of customer service (plus surviving an interrogation by the actual Russian secret service) Steve and Robin have developed the ability to hold entire conversations without speaking a single word. It is a very neat talent to have when they want to make fun of someone right in front of them. It is less neat when he is the target.

Robin raises her brows. C'mon dingus, tell these random ass girls about your sex life since you're so proud of it.

Steve frowns in response. Yeah, sure Mrs. Never Even Had A First Kiss.

Robin narrows her eyes. I did have a first kiss. Even if it was absolutely horrible.

Steve puts on his most insufferable expression. You yourself said that it doesn't count. No need to be so jealous Buckley.

Robin rolls her eyes. Alright, I want to see you trying to find a-

"Do you have ET?", Robin doesn't say because, oh yeah, they've got actual customers.

Steve solemnly informs them that ET is current out of stock, but that it should be returned in two days. Robin somehow manages to force her last two movies upon them. They leave with a dazed look on their face that Steve can relate to. Sometimes Robin will start talking and the next thing you know you have a tramp stamp.

"Tommy Hagan"

Robin looks absolutely disgusted. "Tommy Hagan?! You would kiss Tommy Hagan? And then you have the audacity to make fun of my taste in women?!"

"First of all: me and Hagan? Been there done that." Robin looks as if her entire worldview was just flipped upside down. "Second: probably not, he uses a bit too much tongue for my liking. I mean that Tommy Hagan was the one who rented all the romcoms"

Robin takes a moment to process this information. Then she dramatically falls to the floor and squirms around in laughter like a bug on its back trying to get up again. Truly a drama kid through and through.

"And thirdly: for your information, I super could make out with Jonathan Byers. Unlike you, I've got game"

"You don't mean gay-me?"

Steve rolls his eyes and takes out the whiteboard again. He is still in the lead.

"And also, excuse you, I totally could make out with Nancy if I wanted to, okay?! I'm just not a homewrecker unlike some other people"

"Excuse me? I was the one who was cheated on?!"

"I'm insulting your taste, dingus"

"Rich coming from you, since we apparently share the same one"

For a moment she looks confused. Then she thinks back to what she said. Steve can pinpoint the exact moment she realizes it.

"Is this the reason you want me to be into Jonathan so bad? Because you're into Nancy?" Steve feels like a smug cat when her entire upper body grows red.

"Shut up she's just pretty okay?!"

"And badass. Don't forget badass."

"Oh my god I know. Ever since I saw her shooting I haven't been able to get her out of my mind."

"Right?! And as if that isn't enough, she has to go and be smart too! Like, c'mon, she has to have some faults. Some downsides. Nobody is that prefect!"

"Oh my god I know! And-"

They continue like that for a while. Time runs away from them and suddenly Hellfire Club is over and Steve's kids (minus Max, he notes with a heavy heart) are barging into the place as if they own it, for no reason other than to be absolute menaces.

"And like. Robin. She was so hot in that moment. I swear to-"

"Who are you talking about?". Steve is used to Dustin being a rude little shit and automatically answers without even thinking about it. "Nancy."

He realizes his mistake too late. He looks up. Mike's eyes are wide in horror. "I hate you so fucking much" he says before turning around and leaving.

Robin sighs. "I guess that is the downside."

-> the tramp stamp conversation

-> gatekeeping 101

-> breaking out of a heteronormative mindset

[limerental]

here you are, a purple prosey jaskier/radovid ficlet that maybe goes heavy on the book references sorry

**

There is some world where, in the coming days, they found themselves reenacting those hours spend in a shadowed outbuilding again and again, but this time cocooned in a bed so luxuriant its silk and down ached on the skin. 

The door to the bedchamber opened only to servants bearing wine and cheese and pomegranates pressed jewel by jewel into each other's mouths. There was no worry to conserve the myriad of candles lit on every surface, allowing them to burn to the hilt in spent pools of wax through long nights of indulgence.

The prince was refreshingly eager and flexible, unabashed in voicing his desires but shy in receiving them so earnestly. As though he were used to acts done for his sake, for his name, but could barely handle being touched with slow, careful pressure while watched intently with a heavy gaze. He threw an arm across his burnt-pink face, sighing like a song on each exhale.

Sweet thing, the poet said against the tremble of his ribcage. How sweet you are. 

The prince's eyes were glassy, his hair a sprawl of curls against silk, the grasp of his searching fingers desperately entangling with the poet's own.

Sing me the one about the swallow, the prince would ask, and the notes lilted through the air of the bedchamber in an octave higher than usual. And as the pitch sank, so would he down his lover's body, each wavering octave a shiver of sound against flesh. 

The learned scholars believed that given the swallow did not touch the ground its entire life, that it was a creature of pure, heavenly weightlessness, but there was nothing pure about the poet's swallow, the weight on the flat of his tongue and curve of hollowed lips. Though the soft cries from the prince's open mouth, the tears that slipped to his temples, were nothing if not divine.

And there were plans made for limitless futures, ones possible and improbable and rife with hyperbole.

My consort? sighed the prince, fingertips petting the hair below the poet's navel. No, you will be crowned yourself. A laugh so immediate it startled them both. What an insufferable king I would make, my dove. I'd call for the hangings of scores of my university fellows. And for any court jester who told a trite joke.

We'll run off together. Keep a homestead in the mountains. A snort. A sigh. Will you muck the shit heap or I? Surely not I.

In some world, said the prince, naive and sweet, perhaps we grow old together. In a little house by the sea.

Ah, yes, in some world maybe, said the poet, who felt old enough for both of them, and had dreamed often of the coastline blushed red with the fade of evening.

In this world, he allows the dream to take shape and then dissipate with a long-held breath released. 

Months on, this world has changed in many ways, but not like that.

"Come now, Pegasus," says the poet with a nudge of his heel, and the sorry old horse sways down the silt of the bank and into clear water.

And on he goes into a different sort of story.

[yellowocaballero]

can i haz director cut for nnotb. i love roleswap knives.

Yes but only because you said it like a cheezburger cat.

There was a really surprisingly robust response to that fic, so I've actually said a lot of what I want to say on it. Which is why this is more of a retrospective. I was really surprised that people got so enthusiastic about it. It felt very 'prim-and-proper' to me. I think I have an internal preference for my works that are more insane?

I can't believe it's been a year since I finished it, holy hell. Looking back at it, after a year...I think there's definitely parts of it that I would like to improve, but nothing gigantic that I would want to change. With the added benefit of having already written it, I think I would want to give Vash another shot, because I don't think I was ever actually satisfied with how Vash turned out. I just never got him down and it was very frustrating. He was the level of truly insufferable and infurating that I wanted, but I don't know if he was ever scary enough. I'd also want to write it from the understanding of Wolfwood being the stealth main character and Knives just being the freak in his story. But the plot itself is pretty tightly written and doesn't really sag, so unusually I don't have that many complaints about the actual structure of the story.

I had a short follow-up story to it that I'm a little sad I never finished. Just couldn't be assed. I also entirely meant to write Teen Knives Adventures with Brad & Luida, which I never did. Just trust me: he terrorized the other crew members and played psychological warfare games and got in SO much TROUBLE because of it and he had to swab the deck and apologize.

My favorite character was Brad. My favorite part of the story is still the incredibly bizarre relationship Knives has with Brad & Luida. Truly the aspect of the story that was the most batshit, and thus the most fulfilling.

[dangerpronebuddie]

Kiss Me Once Cause You Know I Had A Long Night 20/?

20. Hand kisses

Summary:

Buck joined them and Jee swatted at Eddie's shoulder. "Pwince Bu!"

Buck ducked his head with a laugh. "I'm moving up in the world. Last week, I was a peasant."

Jee swatted Eddie's shoulder again. "Kiss hand," she said before pointing at Buck.

(Last one of the year! And go to chapter one to see the incredible cover @ronordmann made for me!!!) 😍🥰

Eddie entered the loft to find it an absolute pigsty. Crayons and coloring books littered the kitchen island. Pillows from Buck's bed and the maroon throw pillows from his new couch blocked the stairs. Half a roll of toilet paper lay near the balcony. An impressive finger painting covered the bottom few feet of the glass doors.

Giggles echoed from beneath the stairs. Eddie walked further into the chaos and peaked around the blocked staircase.

He didn't think it was possible for him to get baby fever.

Eddie had seen Buck with kids tons of times. The PTA absolutely loved him. Eddie understood the draw. Watching him with Chris was enough to make him blissfully dizzy. A toddler? Eddie was wondering if he could try the baby trapping route again. (Not that it worked the first time.)

Buck sat on the couch with Jee, both dressed in tiaras and pink feather boas. Jee poured imaginary tea into some cups and handed one to Buck, who clinked his cup against hers before taking an exaggerated sip.

Buck looked up and met Eddie's eye, his already wide grin becoming luminescent.

"Look who it is, your Majesty," Buck said happily.

Jee whipped her head around and beamed. "Eds!" She jumped off the couch and toddled over to Eddie. Eddie crouched and scooped her up in a hug.

"Good morning, your Majesty," he grinned, bouncing her on his hip.

Buck joined them and Jee swatted at Eddie's shoulder. "Pwince Bu!"

Buck ducked his head with a laugh. "I'm moving up in the world. Last week, I was a peasant."

Jee swatted Eddie's shoulder again. "Kiss hand," she said before pointing at Buck.

A blush painted Buck's cheeks. "Uh... protocol. She made me do it to Prince Chimney when he dropped her off."

Eddie couldn't help but laugh at the image that created. "Do you know how insufferable he's going to be for the next week?"

"It's already started, believe me," Buck grumbled.

Jee squirmed in Eddie's arms and he set her down. She pointed at Buck again.

"I'd hate to break protocol," Eddie said.

"You might end up in the Tower of Lofton," Buck grinned.

Eddie groaned at the awful pun. "How did you ever become a prince?"

"Must be my looks," Buck preened.

Before Eddie could come up with a comeback, Jee tugged on his hand.

"Terribly sorry, your Majesty," he said with an exaggerated bow. He looked at Buck and knelt, extending his hand.

The blush climbed higher up Buck's face. He took Eddie's hand.

"Your Highness," Eddie said with a slight bow of his head before pressing a kiss to Buck's knuckles.

Jee nodded once in satisfaction, a gesture Eddie was certain he'd seen both Maddie and Chimney do at some point.

Buck took Eddie's hand and pulled him to his feet. Buck looked into his eyes. Eddie felt a blush of his own creeping up onto his face.

"Pwince Bu! Eds!" Jee swatted at Eddie's thigh, breaking them from their staring contest. "Tea get cold."

Buck huffed a laugh and ducked his head. He looked at Eddie through his lashes. "Care to join us for our tea party?"

"I'd love to," Eddie smiled. Buck tugged him to the couch, his thumb sweeping across Eddie's knuckles. Their fingers remained laced together until Chim and Maddie came for Queen Jee-Yun.

[reyreadersblog]

TIME FOR AUGUST READING WRAP UP (PART 1.)

Well summer ended like a week ago, so here is all the books i've read and my reviews of them.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐

Never lie was the first book i read at the start of August and it was very easy quick and twisty read. Finshed it in a day, the dual POV was really fun and it added more tension to it.

However the plot twist was very unexpected, and that's not the reason i disliked it, the reason is that it didn't really make sense. I mean her whole monologue was lie...

Overall i did like the book, i'd say if you want something fast paced read it, but it was kind of a dissapointment tbh.

Raiting:⭐⭐⭐⭐.5

I LOVED THIS BOOK! It was so good! (Gave me major tig vibes)

I love any book that involves a kind of treasure hunt, and this book had added stakes with an inheritance hidden somewhere in the town. It was entertaining and very dramatic, although I wouldn't necessarily say that it was suspenseful, because it felt very over the top at lot of the time, so I wasn't exactly concerned with the characters' safety, if that makes sense. However, it is fast-paced and twisty, and I was excited to find out what was going to happen in the end. It had found family trope which i ADORE! It was so cute and fun to read about the team and what they went through in order to get the treasure. I also loved how many LGBTQ+ character were in the book.

The grieving part was done very realisticly, as someone who is going through grief rn, i fully realate to Lily.

This book was an example of how someone can take an inspiration from another author's work without fully coping them...*cough* Lauren Roberts *cough*

Raiting: ⭐

I love you Lynn Painter BUT WHAT WAS THIS😭😭😭

The main character was unlikable and obnoxious. She was not like other girls, she was just ✨quirky✨ and ✨different✨

The mmc was SUPERRR boring, liks his character revolved around being hot and rich, literally nothing more.

What did i like about this book? NOTHING.

Raiting:⭐.5

I can't tell you one thing that i liked about this book, tbh i read it because someone said it was about a heist and a game...and i'm all for that (the hunger games habit i can't get rid off😔) but oh well...it was not good.

More telling, less showing. The fmc always talked nonsense, i couldn't understand half of what she was saying.

I get that romance wasn't the main focus but it was...so dry, so boring...it felt like she saw someone with the same skin colour as her and ✨immediatly fell in love✨ and i'm not saying any hate or something, i'm a poc but it was done so poorly and unrealisticly.

Uhmm the plotholes???

The characters were just too insufferable for my liking.

I didn't feel connected to any of them.

The authour kepr describing every single detail like it depended on her dear life.

I wanted to dnf so bad but for some reason i kept believing it would get better...it did not.

THE ENDING WAS SO DRY?

Raiting: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

The book was very disturbing but so so good!

Long story short it's about Ellery and Ezra are the Corocan twins, siblings that live every day hoping that their addict single mom Sadie Corocan comes home every night.

Usually she does.

But one night, Sadie crashes into a jewelry store while drunk and high. She's sent to rehab while the twins are sent to live with their maternal grandmother in the sleepy town of Echo Ridge

What love about Karen MCmanus' books is her writing. It's really interesting to read a mystery/thriller book with dual POV because occasionaly author drops clues and hints in each of their chapters.

very honestly speaking, this book was a thousand times better than One of Us is Lying. i was even one of the ones who really liked One of Us is Lying, and Two Can Keep a Secret was LEAGUES better.

one of the main things that really set Two Can Keep a Secret apart was the characters.

I loved the characters. I loved how cracked and broken they were. How they didn’t come from perfect families. How they made many, many mistakes. How they grieved for those they lost, but they also let it fuel their desire to find the killer. How they overcome their pasts.

This book has 2 plot twists, and the first one...did surprise me, i expected something better tho. THE SECOND ONE??? THE ENDING? Had me GAGGED and literally almost threw up.

Let me tell you.

The last line.

THE LAST FUCKING LINE.

*spoilers*

✨i thought she was your mother✨.

This woman dropped the most disturbing line in the book history and thought it was fine.

Overall, totally recommend🙏🏻👭

Raiting:⭐⭐⭐.5

I did like this one more than some of the others, but let's talk about its big turn-off: Brynn and Tripp. I love when a mystery book has romance subolot, tbh i can't read a book that has 0 romance in it, but it's kind of annoying when you can feel the author is forcing two characters towards each other.

Brynn and Tripp have no chemistry at all. One of them was in love with the other, then Brynn leaves town for five years and when she comes back they try to resolve this mystery in their life. One of them declares itself to the other, and the other thinks its look has improved with time. They kiss and then they live happily ever after.

What's the point, exactly? Why should they be together when they’re clearly better as friends? What’s supposed to happen now, they’ll have three fantastic months and then break up before college?

It was entertining but the "plot twist" was not it. Like what was the point? If you gave the book "that" kind of ending, what is the point?

Raiting:⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

IDC THIS BOOK TRILLOGY WAS ABSOLUTE 6 STAR READ. (Go read it! Now!)

"Ash Princess is a trope-filled book with a very common story line. Theodosia, or Theo, was six years old when she witnessed her mother's (the queen) brutal murder and had her country conquered from her. In her country there are magical caves that run underneath the temples. For fire, air, earth and water. These are very sacred and only those who have proved themselves to the gods completely can go and get the magical gems. Now, Theo's people are forced to work as slaves in these mines and dig up the magical stones.

For ten years she has been living under the Kaiser and his brutal rule, living quietly and trying to please him to survive. All of that ends when she's forced to kill someone and her childhood friend comes and offers her an escape and make things right for their people. She's filled with hate and determination to take back her kingdom and avenge her mother and people."

The fmc in this book, Theodosia has become one of my favourite fmc! An example of fmc that doesn't need to be a bloodthirsty monster from the beggining to be considered as strong, mindful and brave.

CHECK THE TRIGGER WARNINGS!

Even tho it's YA there are some serious and heavy topics in this book so be aware of that!

THERE IS A FOUND FAMILY TROPE!

There is such cute and heart warming found family trope..*cough* with traumatised kids *cough*

I loved literally every character! (Well except for a few...)

LGBTQ+ REPRESENTATON OMGG!!!

The ROMANCE!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

One of the main reasons i loved this book,

Oh no, my guys, this has a LOVE TRIANGLE!!! [cue the groans of every person on the planet] LISTEN, I know y'all hate love triangles and I DO TOO!! but this one is somehow bearable, even though it annoyed me a lot. It's like one of "those" love triangles where it's obvious who MMC is. Theo has feelings for the Prinz and her childhood friend, some dude, whose name I forgot, because I DON'T FUCKING SHIP THEM. He's a really good guy, but Prinz Soren and Theo all the way, bitch. Like, they're both good boys, but idk something about the Prinz, man. HE IS BLONDE TOO!! It's a slow burn + forbidden romance.

Overall, I LOVED THE BOOKS, IT'S ONE OF MY FAV READS OF THE YEAR, and if you like high fantasy with great world building + found family + strong character + lgbtq characters + feminism elements GO READ IT ASAP.

Well this is part one! Also not proof read so please don't mind the mistakes🙏🏻

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

So, I saw all the posts about the promos for this thing coming from the John Oliver side of Tumblr, and I wasn't really planning to watch it despite my general interest in John Oliver, because I just don't understand the appeal of watching people eat and/or make and/or talk about food. I've said before that I couldn't get into Off Menu, or something like Bake Off, because of triggers I have from my years of cutting weight for sports, which is true but doesn't even really apply in this case. One 30-minute video of eating wings isn't going to trigger me (I do eat and talk about food without a problem, it's just doing long deep dives into that bothers me). It's just not interesting to me. John Robins and Elis James have started this feature on their radio show called Tick of a Taste where they try something unusual (and usually challenging, in similar ways to hot wings) and then describe it, and it's the only part of their radio show where I kind of tune out. I just don't get the appeal of turning food into entertainment.

So I was going to give this one a miss, but then it actually aired and @lastweeksshirttonight alerted me to the fact that there's a bit of Edinburgh chat, and obviously I cannot skip potential Chocolate Milk Gang content. So I watched it, and was not disappointed.I don't know who that interviewer is, and I did not expect to like him, given that he's an American man who makes, I assume, a whole series based on filming celebrities eating spicy food. I'm vaguely aware of that sort of "content creator" genre of YouTube, and it doesn't sound like fun. But I have to admit, he conducted a surprisingly great interview for a man sitting across from some hot sauce bottles. Asked good questions, they were insightful and interesting and displayed an impressive level of knowledge about his subject.

At this point, I'd like to take a brief moment to use this video as an excuse to slag off Marc Maron:

Marc Maron interviewed John Oliver in 2012, an episode that I listened to because John was fascinating in it but Marc was absolutely insufferable, as he's been in all the WTF episodes I've heard (which I believe is four: John Oliver, Andy Zaltzman, Stewart Lee, and James Acaster). And this is far from the main reason why Marc was insufferable, in fact it was a tiny thing that didn't matter, but Marc was so weird about the differences between British and American English. He kept stopping John to ask for the definition of British words that might not be common in North America, but should be more than easy enough to work out from context, and Marc couldn't just do that, he had to stop and treat it like some weird exotic thing that John said the word "headteacher". At one point in the interview, John is talking about the place where he plays a game that some call football and others call soccer, and you can hear him say "the p-field". Clearly started to say "pitch" and then realized that this annoying interviewer would pick him up on that so he changed it to field. That's what I thought of when I saw the above video clip - a fun example of the opposite of that. Well done to the hot wings interviewer for not being like Marc Maron.

The hot wings interviewer still pronounces Edinburgh about as badly as Marc Maron does, but I'm starting to think I should be a bit careful about complaining when Americans do that, because I'm not 100% sure that I say it correctly. I know how it's supposed to sound, so I can tell when someone says it wrong. But I think it might just be a hard word to say in a North American accent, so it's possible that I also mess it up, and six months from now I'm going to be in Edinburgh and probably at some point saying that word out loud to people who will know how it's meant to be said, so I might want to start saying now that it's fine if you do it wrong. I don't do it as wrong as that guy does, though. I'm pretty sure the word "bro" doesn't come into it when I say it. I also say it better than Marc Maron does.

Anyway, that is not the main point of this post, the main point of this post is this:

How the fuck have I never heard that story before? This is my exact period of specialty - John Oliver in his Chocolate Milk Gang years - and I have gathered up all the references to it that I can possibly find, and yet I'd never heard him tell that one before. I'm so glad I watched the weird hot wings video, just for that. I wish he'd tell us who the other comedian was. I have several guesses.

You know, I hadn't really thought before about the fact that John Oliver would have done his own material at those Late 'n' Live gigs. I knew he ran around taking cows apart, and I knew other people did their actual sets, but I hadn't thought of the fact that at some point John would have been on stage by himself telling John Oliver jokes. I don't think the stage where they took the cow apart was really the place for early 00s-era John Oliver jokes. I'm not surprised it went badly.

John Oliver and Andy Zaltzman do have a long list of stories of gigs they've done that have gone very badly (one gig in particular, the stories of which I made into a compilation nearly two years ago now), and I know all comedians have stories like that, but it doesn't surprise me that Zoliver have more than most. 00s-era Zaltzman and Oliver, individually and together, were not club comedians. Or at least, they didn't have club material, but they were not yet quite famous enough to never do clubs. London has a much larger and more diverse comedy scene than we do around where I live, but still, I think I can use my local comedy club as some kind of basis for comparison. And if someone stood up at my local comedy club and started telling Zaltzman and Oliver jokes, they would be met with baffled silence at the absolute best. They might get stabbed.

What jokes was he telling at Late 'n' Live? Was he doing his Political Animal material? He had a bunch of political and topical stuff back then, but that's not all he did. John Oliver definitely had more mainstream material in his arsenal than Andy Zaltzman did, I guess he could have brought out his train story and the one about not eating peas as a kid. Though actually, even the peas story is basically a political joke. Was he doing the stuff about crying at sporting montages as early as that?

Actual recordings of the stand-up John Oliver did in Britain are rare, though I've managed to find a few. Most notably the one of him and Zaltzman doing their full 2004 Edinburgh show, in 2005, that got released on The Bugle in multiple pieces but I stitched them together into one file, and… I mean, you can't do that at Late 'n' Live. I know I haven't been there, but if you could do that at early 00s Late 'n' Live, then I have drastically misunderstood the nature of the event. You can't do that. You'll get stabbed.

The other source of information about early Oliver stand-up is reviews, which are worth reading because they're often quite funny. @lastweeksshirttonight, I can't remember if I've ever sent you the Steve Bennett review of his debut Edinburgh show, but I'm tagging you because if you haven't read it before then you definitely should. It's hilarious. I don't always agree with Steve Bennett's opinions or approach to the mechanics of the English language, but I have to admit: "John Oliver has based his debut Edinburgh show on death, a concept he can be no stranger to, given the lukewarm reception his obscure observations receive," is a sick burn.

Was John doing that at Late 'n' Live? You definitely can't do what was described in that review at Late 'n' Live. You probably shouldn't do that anywhere, really.

There are better reviews from the next few years, like these ones, which both basically boil down to: Zaltzman and Oliver are intelligent guys who write well and it's all very clever and even at times funny, but God, they're both really annoying. So annoying. It was funny but I didn't like them because they were annoying. Did he annoy the people at Late 'n' Live that way? Is that why the man wanted to stab him?

Steve seemed to like them better in 2005, but still, I don't think you can do that at Late 'n' Live. "Oliver and Zaltzman are at the vanguard of a new wave of satire taking vast global issues - fair trade, the apathy paralysing democracy, immigration - and trying to simplify them to expose their flaws, which suddenly seem so blindingly obvious when put in such clear terms." Yeah, John, obviously the guy threatened to stab you if you tried to do that to him when he was drunk at 1 AM. Obviously.

What did you do to them, John? And while we're at it, what did you do to the people of York that one time?

Anyway, the whole Hot Ones interview was pretty interesting, they touched a few times on that side of John Oliver that I find particularly enjoyable, as he discusses the way he really enjoys tension and doing fucked up things and getting in trouble, but also has a socio-political worldview that says venerating that stuff is bad, and this creates its own tension. It's something I've heard him talk about before, I've always enjoyed it, I wasn't expecting to hear it explored so much in a hot wings interview, but here we are. Thanks for the recommendations, John Oliver side of Tumblr.

[uselesslexbian]

the lightning thief by rick riordan sentence starters

am i a troubled kid? yeah, you could say that.

i'm going to kill her.

you're already on probation. you know who'll get blamed if anything happens.

it's okay. thanks for trying.

you've been giving us problems.

did you really think you would get away with it?

let him enjoy his ignorance while he still can.

i can't fail in my duties again. you know what that would mean.

why would i need you?

what are you not telling me?

tell me they're not looking at you. they are, aren't they?

i don't want this to be like the last time.

does that mean somebody is going to die?

i hope you lose.

because you don't want me around?

you've been out for two days. how much do you remember?

you drool when you sleep.

can you imagine that for a moment, never dying?

but i don't believe in gods.

not lethal. usually.

i can't believe i thought you were the one.

monsters don't die. they can be killed. but they don't die.

oh, thanks. that clears it up.

you talk in your sleep.

i'm thinking that i want you on my team for capture the flag.

why would anybody want to summon a monster?

i don't belong here.

no maiming.

where the heck did you learn to fight like that?

you're saying i'm being used.

who else would be stupid enough to volunteer for a quest like this?

a lot of hopes are riding on you.

kill some monsters for me, okay?

you want a magic item?

remind me again - why do you hate me so much?

i don't hate you.

i said if you're lucky. you're obviously not.

i can't just leave you.

you have offended the gods. you shall die.

what did you want me to do? let you get killed?

you didn't need to protect me. i would've been fine.

the real world is where the monsters are. that's where you learn whether you're any good or not.

you're pretty good with that knife.

are you crazy? this place is weird.

what's that hissing noise?

i take vitamins. for my ears.

that's admirable. but please, relax.

you would be better off as a statue. less pain.

oh, yuck. mega yuck.

forget it. you're impossible.

you're insufferable.

they're not going to like that. they'll think you're impertinent.

i am impertinent.

they seemed plenty aggressive to me.

how about i take first watch? you get some sleep.

how long was i asleep?

what would you do if it was your dad?

that's easy. i'd let him to rot.

can't we work together a little?

they don't make heroes like they used to.

we can't leave you alone for five minutes! what happened?

it's okay. i don't mind a little attitude.

you can't do that. you can't just threaten people with a knife.

don't you carry a weapon? you should. dangerous world out there.

even strength has to bow to wisdom sometimes.

if he brings his girlfriend here for a date, i'd hate to see what she looks like.

you don't want to insult her looks.

me, go with you? how embarrassing is that? what if somebody saw me?

who's going to see you?

you didn't get yourself killed.

you knew it was a trap.

her death was my fault.

please. i'm not into self-inflicted pain.

i don't know what they'll do. i just know i'll fight next to you.

because you're my friend.

no gift comes without a price.

be faster next time.

the plan. yeah, i love the plan.

no. i'm dead.

you're not dead. i should have known.

i'd wish you luck, but there isn't any down here.

it amuses me not to strike you dead yet.

there can't be a war among the gods. it would be... really bad.

you keep saying "after what you've done." what exactly have i done?

you heroes are always the same. your pride makes you foolish.

you were supposed to die.

i take orders from no one.

i don't have dreams.

he is proud and impulsive. it runs in the family.

obedience does not come naturally to you, does it?

a hero's fate is never happy. it is never anything but tragic.

whatever else you do, know that you are mine.

you can't do this for me. you can't solve my problems.

if my life is going to mean anything, i have to live it myself.

you miss being on a quest?

where's the glory in repeating what others have done?

all the gods know how to do is replay their past.

when i came back, all i got was pity.

the gods let her die.

i've been used? look at yourself.

you must not rush out for vengeance.

keep your eyes open.

i'll be back next summer.

i'll survive until then.

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Omg ok! Do you know that scene in spider man 2 where Mary Jane runs out of her own wedding to go back to Peter because she loves him and wants to be with him no matter what? How about something like that with the rogues?? Btw your writing brings me such happiness! Thank you for your work 💕

I do not remember this!😩 however that doesn't stop me. I CAN DO THIS and omg thank you so much 🥺❤️

Down the wrong aisle...

This was supposed to be the happiest day of your life. So why did it feel so wrong? This wasn't right. It wasn't. It was all wrong. You looked at the aisle, surrounded by your loved ones yet they felt a million miles away. The right thing was walk down the aisle but you couldn't. Not if he wasn't going to be there. You turned quickly are ran, ran until you would find him, keeping in mind everywhere he could possibly be. Your breath caught in your throat as your eyes found him. You called out to him.

The Riddler: You ran towards him, body colliding into his so roughly he staggered back. He gasped the moment he touched you, like the air was knocked out of him. "You...you look..." He stuttered, eyes wide as he looked you over. "You look so beautiful." His fingers ran along your waist. He swallowed hard. "I'm just sorry it wasn't for me." You gave him a tearful smile. "It's not too late." You said quietly. His eyes spoke for him. He wanted that more than anything in the world. He nodded. "Good." You leaned forward and kissed him, his arms wrapped around you as he clung to you. His ego couldn't get in the way of this moment. Not with the shock that you were there, not with the relief that you were choosing him.

Scarecrow: You ran to him, hugging him tightly the second you laid eyes on him. He was clearly in shock...until relief flooded through him. "I knew you wouldn't...I knew you wouldn't..." He breathed. "Yeah? I didn't." You giggled. "You sound like you're trying to convince yourself too!" Jonathan squeezed you tighter. "Why did you- what happened?" He asked. "I wanted it to be you." You mumbled. "I thought about it walking down that aisle and I dreaded the thought because it wasn't you at the end of that aisle and you weren't there. All of my friends, all of my family were there but the person I love the most wasn't. It wasn't right. So I ran." You broke out into a smile. "I ran and I ran, hoping to find you and I did." "You know I'm not like-" You cut Jonathan off with a frantic nod. "I know and that's what makes you so special." You assured him. "You are nothing like any of the people in that church and that's why I knew it was wrong. The truth is Jonathan, my biggest fear is losing you. I don't think I could even breathe without you. Its insufferable to imagine waking up in the morning and you're not there. That I'd have to spend the rest of my life pretending that the man I truly wanted was with me and feel the pain when I knew he wasn't." You took his hands. "I know you love a good experiment. I know you'd love to see what that fear could do but I beg of you, please...don't make me live without you."

Two-Face: "You're so beautiful." Harvey whispered as stroked your cheek with his thumb as he looked you over. Then reality hit him. "(Y/N), what are you doing here?" His voice nearly caught in his throat. "I couldn't do it." You shook your head, tears brimming your eyes. "I was going to walk down the aisle. I was but then I realised you wouldn't be waiting for me. All of a sudden it hit me that if I did this, I'd have to give you up." You shook your head. "I couldn't give you up." You said quietly, mostly to yourself. "Don't you see? I'm trying to save you from me. I'm giving you a normal life that I can never have. You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain. I told you that." "It will kill me if I went through with it." You said quickly. "I don't want any life without you in it, Harvey Dent. So save me from a meaningless existence, from living a lie and hoping one day that I'll ever believe it. Save me from losing you!" He cracked a faint smile. "Don't you get it, gorgeous?" Harvey spoke. "You couldn't lose me. It's me who'd be losing you." "Then don't let us be apart." You replied. You said, interlocking your fingers between his with both hands. "Any chance of me having the strength to let you go just went down the drain. So I think you're stuck with me." He replied.

Black Mask: He stared at you behind his mask for a moment before you heard a mix of a sigh and a chuckle. "I was right." He said almost smugly as you moved closer. He continued. "I told you that you'd only walk down an aisle for one person and I'd be damned if that person wasn't me." You exhaled. "Yeah, I guess you were." You breathed. "I just...I got to the aisle and I couldn't. I just knew I was making a mistake." Roman met you half way. A black leather glove stroking your cheek. "I was never going to let you get away." He said lowly. "Roman, I just-" "Doll, you could have went through that whole wedding, had a honeymoon and fuck it, throw a few kids in there. I'm not done with you. So I'd never let you go. Marriage doesn't mean shit to me. Not until it's you that's marrying me. I want you and nothing you do is gonna change that." He pulled you in by the back of the neck, bringing your forehead against his own, pressing against the mask.

Mad Hatter: "Jervis..." You called quietly and he flinched, whirling around to face you. He looked shocked. "What...what are you doing here!?" He cried out. You smiled, tears building in your eyes as you walked towards him. "I couldn't do it." You breathed. "I..but you... you came back to me." Jervis trailed off, utterly speechless. Your smile widened. "You promised me an adventure." You said. Slowly, Jervis smiled widely, taking your hand and walking backwards. "My Jervis." You said fondly. "I have so much to show you!" He smiled, eyes shining with unshed tears. "Away we go, Alice! Away to Wonderland!"

[cloudcountry]

Hello, Auburn!

I hope you're having an absolutely magical day so far. I have a letter for you here from Prince Keith! Initially there were lots of papers but he kept editing it and editing it and was very worried about saying the right thing. I believe he called himself a weed before we simply took the letter from him and assured him it was perfect.

(Please note if you did not request this letter it may have been requested for you on the behalf of someone else! All of our requests for someone else remain anonymous.)

What have you been reading recently?

Err-- is that too abrupt a start for a letter? I should have asked you how you are first, right? It's just you get so excited when you talk about the books you've been enjoying recently and I found myself impatiently wanting to see that.

I read a book recently about herbs... not very exciting, I guess. I would like to hear about the things you've been enjoying. We could read the same books while apart and when we meet discuss them. I like the sound of that -- that is, if it isn't too presumptuous of me to ask.

Are you having fun with your friends? I know how important they are to you, so I hope that they, too, are happy and healthy.

Recently I was invited to the house of a nobleman for tea who is quite fond of art! It made me think of you, then when he showed me his collection I found myself quite amazed... the pieces he had amassed were numerous, and one in particular reminded me very much of Mr van Gogh's artworks form what you have told me of his styles. I confess myself quite enraptured by it. I hope I can show it to you in person soon, I had it hung in my room so that I can think of you and how happy it will hopefully make you.

Is this too many words? Too many pieces of paper? I'm worried I said something weird, I'm still not very good with my words and --

(a few pages have been crossed out multiple times with comments in the margins asking 'him' just what he's going on about.)

Hey... make sure ya thinking of me, yeah? It's insufferable without being able to tease ya. He's moping around waiting for ya. So hurry back.

Wishing for your eternal happiness, Keith Howell

i'd like to thank rubia for sending this to me i've treasured it in my inbox for far too long it deserves to see the light of day <333

[folklorianhaze]

Got a lot of writing done today, so I thought I'd post a preview of a multi-chapter fic I've been working on! This one has been a HUGE undertaking; it's probably the biggest story I've worked on before, as well as my first attempt at a mystery. It's a steampunk-ish/noir Feysand AU where Feyre's family gets kidnapped by some shady faeries, and enlists the help of Rhysand (a detective who's been shirking his political duties back home) to help find them.

Look for chapter one of City of Strangers on AO3 very soon! (Not going to give an exact date because I don't want to put pressure on myself lmfaooo but I'm almost done editing!!)

Here's a little scene from chapter one that I had a lot of fun writing, between Rhys and Mor!

“Don’t you ever get tired of all that reading?”

Before Rhysand could respond, a golden hand — with fingernails that gleamed wine-red in the low light of his office — shot out and smacked the top of the precarious stack of books and papers atop his desk.

With the sort of world-weary sigh that could only hint at how many times such an exchange had passed between them, Rhys’ gaze traveled from the hand all the way up the length of arm attached to it, until at last his eyes met those of his cousin’s. And Morrigan, he noted with no small degree of exasperation, looked none too pleased with him this evening.

That is, she rarely looked pleased with him at all, but today the expression on her face happened to feel particularly threatening.

“Dearest Mor,” Rhys said, a smirk touching the corners of his mouth. “What, dare I ask, has put you in such a charming mood this evening — and to what do I owe the honor of being its recipient?”

“They’re asking about you again,” was her flat response. She crossed her arms. “Wondering when you’ll bring an end to these . . . charades of justice, I believe Keir called it.” Even she couldn’t help the soft snort of laughter that punctuated her sentence.

“Hm. I never took your father to be the poetic type.”

“It’s easy for you to be so flippant,” Mor said, lifting a hand to massage her temples. “It’s me they run to when you’ve done something to upset them like this. All of them squawking like hens about the ruination you’re bringing down upon the family and so on.” She sighed. Shook out her mane of blonde hair as if it could clear the unpleasant day from her memory. “You might at least consider giving them some idea of when you’ll be back.”

“I told them I’ll return as soon as I feel my work is done here,” said Rhys. “That’s not enough of an idea for them?”

“That was six months ago, Rhys.”

“So Keir has learned to count! How delightful. I suppose we’ll have to get him started on spelling soon enough.”

Mor rolled her eyes, but he caught the twinkle of amusement on her face. Something in his chest twisted guiltily at the sight of it; she did have a point, about it being far easier for him to treat matters involving their noble family with such lightness. She was the one who’d been enduring those insufferable people for the past six months while he’d been here, chasing this vision of his. This endeavor that so many had — perhaps rightfully, in some ways — called foolish. The least he could do would be to make these dealings with her father as painless for her as possible.

But when he thought of the path that had brought him here in the first place . . . when he thought of the future his family — his people — might not even be afforded if he should fail in this . . . he couldn’t simply turn his back on it. He’d never been a man who abandoned the things he started, and more often than not it seemed to work to his detriment. But this time . . . this time, he was determined for things to be different.

Perhaps it made him selfish. Perhaps it made him a monster. But he’d become whatever he needed to be in order to see this through to the end.

“I can’t give up,” he admitted at last, the words leaving him in barely a whisper. “You know I can’t, Mor. Not yet. Not when I’ve gotten so close.”

Her expression softened; turned into something that, for a moment, felt uncomfortably close to pity. Rhys wasn’t sure whether or not he hated that more than he would have if she’d simply gotten angry with him again. He’d rather have fury than be looked at like that. Like . . . like on some level, yet again, he’d failed his cousin. He’d failed to be what everyone needed him to be at all times.

“You could be wrong, you know,” she said at last — speaking softly, slowly, as if comforting an irrational child. “About all this. There’s a chance that you might never find what you’re looking for. What if it’s all for nothing?”

“It’s not,” was all he could say, even as he hated the lack of logic in it. “I know it’s not.”