#said friend of a friend is cool id consider him a friend now but thats kind of shitty regardless .

[gaytoddhoward]

i think that if someone mentions that they like something or a certain character, and theyre not like "yeah it fucking sucks but i like it anyways" or otherwise indicate that it is okay to make fun of them / tease them for it , and you start telling them about how much you dislike it and how much it sucks then maybe you should go swap spit with a train

[cupoftaae]

HII i'd like to request prompt 11 "give me time, give us time" for kookiee? and if its ok id like to give u a small plot just in case you dont know how to work with this if thats okay 🥺

so the tiny tannie lil ol plot for this wuld be: jk being a bit of a workaholic (very much so.) and y/n is quite tired of it.. note that this is non!idol and married! :D they had a talk and a cool plot twist wuld be how y/n was actualy planning to surprise him abt being pregnant!!!GASPAND THEN KOOKIE NEVER NOTICED THE SYMPTOMS CUZ HES BEEN WORKING TOO MUCH!!! and like yeah she getzz rlly emotionsl

AND IF ITS OK CAN U GIVE LIKE AN AFTERMATH OF THIS? LIKE 1 OR 2 YEARS AWAY FROM THE ARGUMET? hope this isnt too much 😭

Hello!! oh my goodness this is so amazing, no one has given me a plot to write by, this is really cool and I hope that I do a good enough job portraying this for you! Thank you so much for sending this in <3

La La Land (JK drabble request)

warnings- mentions of drinking, angst, mentions of pregnancy, swearing, couple fighting, fluff, kissing (nothing major) I think thats all?

enjoy <3

"I cant tell, is this a positive or negative?"

Your voice was shaky and frail, holding up the test to your phone camera, trying to show your friend.

"blurry, cant see, read the box y/n. instructions are there" Your friend sighed, in her defense, it was late, and you called her out of slumber- but only because you were totally hyped at the sudden realization that you were finally possibly pregnant.

You and Jungkook had not necessarily been trying, nor necessarily avoiding it.

You both wanted kids, but never really specified when. Considering the fact you have now been married for 2 years, and your relatives are up your ass about when it is that you will have a baby, even though its not their business at all.

You wanted this for you, and today might be the day you get what you wished for.

"You just took it, let it sit for a moment"

you nodded at your friends words as you placed the test onto the bathroom sink, moving your hands to rest on your hips as your teeth tugged at your bottom lip in thought.

"whats on your mind, hun?" she asked

"a lot..." you giggled, drawing your eyes back to her. "If I am, I just hope Kook is happy, thats all I want"

"mm his schedule is so busy"

"I know, work always comes first with him, thats why im nervous. Its not like he told me to take birth control or anything, and we have condoms he just refuses to use one" you snicker

She laughs, "well then yeah what did he expect?"

"but hes a head manager at the company he works at, hes spent so much time climbing the ladder to get there, what if this throws him in a loop?"

"y/n....girl...listen to me, he is partially responsible for this, so he needs to be accepting or I will personally come down there and make him accepting"

You laughed at your friend, thankful you had some humor relief out of all the tension.

"and listen, you are in your 30's, its not like you are 20 years old and unmarried, you know?"

"yeah...youre right...im gonna look now, I think its ready"

"okay"

You gently flipped over the test and held it close to your eyes, a faint blue plus sign appeared, making your heart thump so loud it was audible in your ears.

"holy shit, its positive!"

"its positive?" your friends voice shot up 3 octaves

"YES!!!" you jumped around, wishing jungkook was home right now to show him, instead bathing in the moment with your best friend.

"congratulations, y/n, oh my god im so happy for you!!!"

"thank you!" you wiped a few tears, gripping the test almost as if it wouldnt be real if you let it go. "oh jesus this is so....wow!"

"remember what I said, everything will be okay"

You nodded, taking a deep breath

"everything will be okay, yeah....your right."

-

Everything, in fact, was not alright.

It's been 2 weeks since that night you found out you were pregnant, and everytime you think you are ready to tell Jungkook, something happens.

"oh gotta go babe, they are calling me into work"

"too tired to talk tonight honey, i have to get up at 5am"

"not right now baby, maybe tomorrow?"

It never ended, he was in and out the front door constantly.

It was upsetting that the only time youve had to talk with him recently was when you both took a shower a few days ago.

"you look so tired" you frowned, pushing his hair back

"I know...I am"

"you need to sleep more" you kissed his chest, resting against it under the warm water.

He let out a soft laugh, "yeah...when is there time for rest?"

"its okay to take time off, you know? youre a manager, you have more control"

"I just need to prove to everyone that I am capable of handling the position" he insisted

"Obviously you are, they wouldnt-"

"y/n, just dont worry about it....okay?" he squeezed you softly, trying to change the subject and shutting you down, because you wouldnt get it

-

You wanted your husband, you wanted him more than anything, and this feeling only turned to anger as you sat with him at the dinner table one night.

You were now almost 2 months pregnant and still have not told him.

You planned a nice meal to eat, his favorite.

You cooked all the vegetables and spent hours slaving in the hot kitchen making sure everything was up to perfection for him, just for him to come home at 2am with no text in regard to him being late.

"its late, honey, im sorry, we can eat tomorrow"

You stood to your feet before he could leave the room, all of your dishes sitting on the stove, some now cold. "no, we are gonna eat now."

You know he smelled the food, and never did he once acknowledge the fact you made his favorite dish, or thank you for it.

His eyes widened, not used to hearing the sudden tone in your voice.

"please....please just sit" your voice cracked slightly as you watched him slowly walk back to the seat, sinking into it.

"are you mad at me?" he whispered, watching your back as you heated up the food into a plate for him.

"mad..?" you chuckle to yourself, trying to gather your thoughts.

"yeah, mad. are you?"

You took the food out of the microwave and handed it to him, sitting on the other end of the table and looking at him desperatley.

"jungkook...have you noticed anything...different?"

He smiled gently, confusion in his eyes, "what do you mean?"

Your expression softened from hopeful to dissapointment.

"you dont see...you dont feel like anything is different?"

"no?" he half smiled, looking around awkwardly.

You looked down at your plate, teary eyes overcoming you as you tried hard to prevent your breakdown- but its been a long time coming.

"wha-"

"jungkook!" you cry out desperately, leaving him shocked and confused at the odd behavior.

"baby why are you crying? whats going on? what is this?" he panicked

"You!! im crying because of you!!" you stood, covering your face as you felt the embarrassment fall over you.

"what did I do?" he got up and tried to come over to hold you, but you pushed him away.

He let you talk, not knowing how to respond to anything.

"you are never home, Jungkook. I fucking miss my husband, okay? I spent 4 hours in this kitchen, sick as hell, making your favorite dish and I dont get any type of thank you, instead you come home 3 hours late and decide its time to sleep, you reek of alcohol as well" you wipe you tears hastily.

He stood, looking at you as his eyes teared up

"I know work is important, I know it is, But I matter too Jungkook!! We are married, I am your WIFE! im not just the maid and chef here, you know?

"baby I never said any of that-"

"you treat me like one!!" you cry, pacing the room, "see, you still dont even notice anything do you?"

He looked helplessly, "Im sorry, honey, I really am, but I need work-"

"not this much!!" you looked at him sharply, "Ive been home alone these past few weeks, dealing with a certain situation ive been terrified to tell you about all by myself!"

"im here now, tell me! tell me! what is going on and how can I fix this?"

"I just want you, jungkook....One fucking day, one fucking dinner" you gesture to the table "When was the last time we even woke up together and cuddled, or had a fucking cup of coffee and talked? Months...MONTHS!"

"my angel im sorry ive been neglecting you, why didnt you say something to me sooner?"

"I was trying to understand, I was trying sooo hard to put myself in your shoes but damnit, jungkook, I cant hide it anymore" you sobbed, knowing how crazy you looked to him right now. "Its...its not fair!!"

He gently grabbed your arm, leading you towards him, his eyes searching deep into your own.

You sighed, trying to adjust your breathing, "g-give me time, give us time." you wrapped your arms around yourself and looked at him.

"us?"

You swallowed harshly, trying to steady your voice, "im pregnant, Jungkook. I found out weeks ago and since then youve left me home alone with not an ounce of time for me to tell you, which is now resulting in this"

He froze, his eyes softening at you as he tears up, "pregnant? baby..."

"yes!" you step back, "and...and you didnt even notice! I tried leaving clues, I left the test in your bedside nightstand and you never fucking saw it?"

"n-no baby...youre pregnant, oh my god, honey" he brought you back to him, a soft yet sad smile on his face

"Its been all me, im the only one who has to deal with it and its not fair. If you dont have time for me, how the hell are you gonna manage to parent our child?" you glared "I refuse to parent alone, this is a team effort, jungkook. Yes money is important, but I need you, I need you to stop being a manager first and my husband second"

He took a shaky breath, part of him scared to say the wrong thing, "I- I understand honey" he nodded, holding your hands as he cried "fuck- im so sorry" you let him pull you into a tight hug "Im so sorry holy shit...im such a fucking dumbass, how could I not know?" he ran his hand up and down your back, face hidden into your shoulder as you both cried.

"you need to understand, I am serious, things have to change!"

"they will! they will! I'll change right now I promise Im gonna be here for you, for both of you" his hands held your stomach, desperation in his voice "dont leave...." he whispered

"im not going to, jungkook. But you need to stop working so much, I cant do this by myself"

"you dont have to, im here for you, whatever you need, fuck I'll take the rest of the week off for you, just let me hold you" he squeezed you tighter

"I miss you so much" your voice was quiet

"I love you, im so sorry I never noticed, Im so dumb baby....I love you,I love you" he cupped your face and pressed a delicate kiss to your lips, forehead against yours, "thank you for all you do, im an ass for not recognizing any of it"

"I love you too....just please...do it for us...?"

He nods "anything....for you, i'll do fucking anything baby." he kisses you once more as you both gently sway in the kitchen. The tension of the argument still lingering in the air, thick and prominent.

This wasnt a fixed issue, more so a stepping stone to him proving his words.

If he wanted to be a dad, he needed to show you he was ready for it.

--

"he is crying again" you sigh, rubbing your eyes and sitting up to look at the baby monitor.

"I'll get him" jungkook immediately got up and walked down the hall, following the sad cries that led him to your baby's room.

"little man...its 4am...why the tears?"he frowned at his 3 month old who's arms flared around.

the first 2 months of Kaiylin being born, you kept him in your main bedroom at night but you wanted to test out how he would sleep on his own, and so far its not been good.

"you want mama, huh?" he picked him up, holding him close and gently bouncing his knees. He didnt smell, so it wasnt his diaper, and he had just been fed not too long ago, so it was easy for jungkook to know he just missed his mommy and daddy.

He slowly walked into the bedroom, you were about to fall asleep. "oh kai" you frown as your husband places him into the bed between you both, his body facing the smaller ones so he doesnt fall out or move around.

"aw baby" you rub his head softly, "its okay now, shh, shh"

Jungkook gives you an empathetic look, "I know you havent slept im sorry"

You shrug, "i'll nap tomorrow"

"I'll take him into my office, he can sit in his rocker while you nap"

You smile softly kissing your husband, "thanks, baby"

You had to admit, Jungkook has stepped up more than you assumed he would. Hes began to work from home, giving time for not only your little family, but especially you and him.

He has been such a help with everything, from watching Kai during the night, to cooking and cleaning for you, its been 100% teamwork since you gave birth and you couldnt thank him enough for it all,

Things were finally starting to even out and you could not have been happier, the man you married in the first place was returned back to you, in the form of a loving father.

"hes sleeping again, look" jungkook whispered

Your eyes darted to the newborn in between you and your husband, you slightly giggled, "poor thing"

"co-sleeping just works I guess" he smiled, leaning over to kiss you gently, "go back to sleep honey, ill watch him for a bit, its okay."

"I love you, thank you..." you looked at him

"I love you too sweetheart"

-

a/n- ahh! I really hope this is what you wanted, it was fun to write and follow the prompt. Thanks again for sending this in! -Nini

[xseizure-candyx]

*tries to be mean- fails*

Dan x reader

(Introductory chapter, thats all)

---------------------------------------------------

the sun was bright, the sky clear and the breeze was cool, all this to say that i was having the worst day of my life atm. my dad was being the biggest dick head in the entire world and because he cant handle any kind of emotion or female at that he kicks me out in the blink of an eye, im sorry but im not a maid. i had to pack in a day, be out and hunting the next, and just yesterday was i approved to move into my new apartment, my own space that i can dominate to do what i want, i should be happy to be on my own at my big age of 21 but for some reason i feel bad for leaving an old man alone, but then again im not dealing with his yelling and commanding for any longer. at this moment i am moving in, i have to carry each, and every, LARGE BOX, up stairs and into my apartment MYSELF. i make my way back down to the moving van and so happen to see someone standing by it with two other people i don't know, i got a little anxious because i wanted to be a bit more on the down low but damn, three people at once. as i got closer i was able to register the people, a tall built blonde, an average sized purple haired woman and a short dark haired man. they seem friendly from afar but as i got closer and into their bubble the small mans energy makes me a little more on guard, i didn't say a word as i got closer because all i heard was the smaller man ranting about how no one was allowed to move in because its only ever an inconvenience to him and how all people are stupid and problems only come from new people. i just stood behind him and listened, by the time the other two noticed me but he was facing away from me, they looked at him and pointed in my direction. He was mid sentence when he glanced my way "OH, AND I SUPPOSE YOUR THE-" he abruptly looked me over and clasped his hands behind him and straightened his back "ooooh, you must be my new neighbor! im dan and this is my best friend Chris........and his wife Elise" he gestured to the other two people who were waving at me "hello, and welcome to the neighborhood i hope you're not moving all of this in yourself" Elise said, i smiled and introduced myself "its nice to meet you, im (y/n)". dans eyes haven't moved from my form at all but i act like i don't notice how weird he is to not hurt his feelings or embarrass him " uuuh, yeah. im kinda on my own but ill be ok" i smiled tiredly. Elise and Chris immediately volunteer to help me carry boxes into my house but i deny it to be nice, though i really do need help "dont worry (y/n) its not a problems at all we wouldn't want you to tire yourself out on your first day in your new apartment" Chris said. i smiled and looked at all of them " thank you so much, you guys are some of the kindest people I've met so far" i purposely didn't make eye contact with dan when saying that, and it caused him to to quip in " i can help, im nice too!" feeling bad i looked at him and smiled " of course id appreciate it, and maybe i can make us all dinner when we are finished" the blonde man with a box already in his arms snapped his head in my direction "yes please" and i giggled at that, hes funny and his wife is really sweet, i might want to consider a friendship, but dan is.... i don't know right now but we'll see.

---------------------------------------------------

After placing a few things that need to be put in place, i sat chris elise and dan in the living room and allow them to pick what to watch and even play games, but dan was consistent on getting in the kitchen to stare up at me and ask questions every 5 minutes like a toddler. I give up and sigh "look dan if your going to ask so many questions then you might as well put on that apron and help" it was silent, but seconds later dan has a stepping stool pulled up next to me and is wearing a frilly pink apron, i giggled at how willing he is to help me all of a sudden, hes been quieter ever since hes first saw me, almost like hes thinking constantly but about what, its not like hes not enjoying my company, i show him what to cut and how to cut it and he listens, him helping is making the process quicker. We both go to grab the last tomato and our hands touch, his on top of mine, even though i did jump a little he didn't move away at first, as if he liked the contact, when he did pull his hand away he was furrowing his brows and blushing "I-I FORGOT I HAVE TO GO FEED MR MUMBLES" and ran through the door and im assuming to his apartment. 'hm....whats all this about now' I shrug it off and scramble to finish the pasta i was making and go to sit with chris and elise with our plates "hey wheres dan" i shrugged my shoulders and sat his food in front of him and elise and sit with my own "something about feeding mr mumbles, i suppose its a cat or dog but ill head over and give him his food later im hungry right now" and with that we all ate, and after we ate we talked and even played games, and when it was time for them to leave it was late, i walked them to their car and hugged them both "thank you guys for all the help, i couldnt have asked for a better first experience and i hope we can become good friends" i say and smile "well with that meal you just cooked us consider us buddies!!!" Chris said out of his window "yea well be sure to keep in touch and maybe we can help you seek out stuff for your apartment too!" Elise had quipped, and after all of our goodbyes they drove off. After i watch them drive off i make my way up stairs and back to my apartment, as im passing each window i stopped by dans because i heard what sounded like ranting but it wasnt like earlier, where he was angry and sporadic but more low and gentle, sounded like he was kinda disappointed or sad. An idea pops into my head, maybe hes just alone and doesnt like when he feels left out, so i headed to my apartment and got two slices of cake and his dinner and went to dans, i will share this cake with him and hopefully become best neighbors and even friends, maybe then he wont be so awkward, i knocked on his door and smiled for hospitality, but for some reason it took a short while for dan to answer. i go to knock again when the door is swung open and dan is standing there looking a little down, not sad but not too enthused either "hey dan....i noticed you missed dinner so....i thought id bring it over for you, also i was hoping we could share dessert and you know...talk, get to know each other?" For a split second fear was shown on his face and while his eyes darted around his apartment he wasn't looking too sure"i-i would be honored to enjoy dessert with you, its just- my apartment is a mess" and he held his door wide open in shame. i peer in with no visible reaction but holy hell was it cluttered, usually people with depression or deteriorating mental state cant clean or notice when its too dirty, they just dont process it the same. I frown dont at dan with sympathy "dan im not one to judge but have you ever consider asking for help, i mean im sure no one wants to see you like this" his eyebrows furrow and he clenches his fist "NO BECAUSE IM NOT WEAK I CAN HANDLE THINGS ON MY OWN" aah there it is "what if i offer to come over and help ill even make us lunch" i say sweetly, purposefully sounding cute, he groans and blushes, then fidgets with his hands "ok but......dont mock me or use this against me, ill ruin your life" he said the last part as a threat, i smiled

[livecharliereaction]

Bye tsumihoroboshi

thats all for tsumihoroboshi chapter ZAMN. omfg i did cry i cant lie at that big battle on the rooftop i did i did i did.. It just hits a litte close to home friendship and all that... I love my friends so mach i get everything theyre feeling u know... AND the delusions of rena what a crazy writing style i dont think ill get over it like ever. urgh. Well the final tip almost wanted me to consider that "ooh maybe she was right!" but honestly my takeaways from it are juts 1. disaster happens regardless no matter how the events go otherwise 2. rika was murdered? Thats pretty weird 3. BUT theres hope liek she said BECAUSE: keiichi rememberd something from "another world" (i know a timeloop when i see one. its def a timeloop. Hells yeah) 4. the scrapbooks do hvae some evil spell or something takano i am onto you its weird anyway she shows up at such times and all.. Idk if shes the #MAIN VILLAIN DEMON OMG but shes Something.

Rena i love you thank you for solidifying your place as my favorite good time. argh every chapter so far is better than the one before it goes for this one too it does it does... Which is amazing implications for next ones... Lets hope they keep it up...

And keiichi i cant lie i do love you. I love you i love you i love you. Ughh. If i was still 16 hed have a big chance at going to that kinlist. But hes so gross so i wouldnt actually have added him then either!!! im unable to kin these days because EVERY GOOD CHARACTER EVER has Some Traits I Can Relate To Myself becuase i dont know something something human emotion something i am just like everyone else and everyone is just like me in the end and i love it. But yeah keiichi love the guy hes so #Power of Friendship #Protagonist. Im mentioning this cos i loved the girls from the start and still do but keiichi had to prove himself a little...

Yeah im curious about satoko now too i dont think i paid her enough mind i sort of ended up assuming shes #Normal but just super close to rika obviously but that one line about her being older. I couldnt tell yet if its Haha satokos body is older and rikas being funny! OR Omg satoko some immortal or something too woww! but yeah. I wouldnt think she is it doesnt seem that way at all BUT u never know w this fuckass series..ou ou ou ou ou

Mion i love you the girl that you are. Rena you are everything and more. Rika how have you managed to stay mysterious ive been here for like over 30 hours total for sure maybe even 40. But hmm

if its a timeloop i still cant tell what its about. id say rikas in charge (wants to keep giving this world a chance) n takano is with the antagonistic forces But how does it work exactly? If rikas the one "looping the time" directly it doesnt really compute unless she can do it from the afterlife. I dont konw.

And Omfg i hate this series because i STILL believe satoshi will show up one day. Even though it seems impossible now. But i liked him n shion so much dude i love shion so satoshi HAS TO come back for her. Urgh urgh urgh

But yeah i fr didnt think keiichi would be able to break renas delusion even for such a long moment But he pulled it off. Shes really cool i love her. I love her i love her i love her. UGHHH. Everything and more. and i said it alr but ill say it again the portrayal of her delusional state is SO personal to me i get her i get her i DO so good... Urghh. Ok. Thank u charhigurashi6 i have to check how many games the bundle i bought still has hmm

ok these 3 i own but havent installed lets see The first one here is um well i dont know that girl i havent seen her which is concerning! I feel like i mightve seen a sprite (in the og style that i read with) but thats kinda it. I recall seeing a name somewhere too shes a furude i think but not too sure Im always frustrated when i see a spoiler like that but then it never makes me any more knowledgeable about anything so so far its fine #LOL. proably has to do with the demon stuff tho...

takano in the middle one right takano you are so weird and offputting. Damn maybe she IS the big bad afterall

last one aww rika But yeah thats. I dont know its at least 5 hrs each but i think i spent like 10+ hrs on meakashi so it could possibly be up to like what. 15 even 20? per game. At least 15 hours left though.. Idt theres anything outside of the bundle after this its either higu anime time or umineko time ill see what kinda time i have then (i can probably watch the anime while multitasking i dont really care so much but umineko i want to be TUNED. IN.)

yay exciting ok thank u charhigurashi6 best chapter so far loved it love u rena love u everyone ok gn

[james-fun-in-the-sunderland]

pt 2 . still vicky. 31, 35, 40, 51, 67, 69. 🙄

NO need for all of these rolling eyes SMH... u didnt evven have to send these sirrrr

ANYWAY link back to the 69 ttrpg asks i GUESS

31. do they respond well to praise? how about criticism?

as said in the last ask he does respond well to praise however it all depends on WHO is praising and how OVERT and how OFTEN... praise him too much and he'll get MAD but praise him too little and he will also get mad, he doesnt respond well to criticism. if you criticise him too much he may actually completely hate ur ass, but thats if he thinks it isnt deserved and EVEN THEN he will still get annoyed like whatever man >:/

35. when did they feel loneliest?

i feel like this ones a LITTLE obvious but while his mom was in the hospital probably! his childhood home would be all empty he'd have no one to come home to and he would only come home after doing jobs and visiting her so he had no time for literally anyone or anything else, not that he really had the energy for anything else anyway, at least after she died he would go out and just talk to anyone off the street but while she was still alive it was just him and a dying woman while he pushed away anyone else bc he felt extremely vulnerable during this time too (he was also like. 25 so he was also just dealing w being a young adult and all the angst there so . he was NOT doing well)

40. if you had to remake this character right now, how would you change them?

GOOD QUESTION id probably make his hair different, change his backstory a lil and quite a few scars ! alot of stuff w him is either in active development or straightened out so id probably change more of the actually established stuff ... maybe give him a different clothing style, make him more outward with some traits like his musical ability... hmmm this is such an interesting q

51. what element of their backstory are you proudest of?

ALOT OF IT im always very proud of my lil characters backstories hehe... i try to make them all make sense for the person a character has developed into and i feel like vickys especially really reflects that, if i really had to choose one aspect it would be how death just follows him all throughout his backstory, people dying annd leaving him left and right making him really feel surrounded by it ya kno... not even just with the obvious stuff like ALOT of his childhood friends end up dying lmao its just fun themes ...

67. do they consider themselves to be special?

NO absolutely not, hes literally described himself as just another average joe DESPITE COMPLETELY NOT BEING ONE . this man cannot die and works for like 5 different mobs and yet hes like nah im just a normal single father man, idk why ur saying im so weird. he also just gets weirded out by the idea of someone finding him so special... ofc he really would love to be special in a way he can control, i suppose thats really it huh, he really loves control and if people find him special for his deathlessness or anything its like... ok but he doesnt CONTROL that... he can control his talents though so if someone found him special for that hed be like YEAH literally im so cool

69. what’s one secret they don’t want getting out?

the classic. lets go through the obvious ones, his deathlessness, even though its an open secret he really doesnt like people talking about it, his crime too of course but he doesnt even care that much about that either, like even less, his daughter even knows and has talked abt how he kills people for money so... his whole past is a secret even to his daughter bc hes just a private person... i suppose also the main one would be his real name (for people who dont know his real legal name isnt actully vicky love, its louis cox! ( louis pronounced louey bc hes french lol)) he started fully going by vicky when his mom died so he just doesnt like to be called louis bc it reminds him of his 'past life' ... hes got alot of secrets huh... these are really the only things he DOESNT want to get out tho, most other things hes private about he doesnt really care if people learn it

[mrfoox]

Anyone showing continuing interest in something I've mentioned: I love you but I'm also scared of you

[luxeberries]

dustin is genuinely such a good, sweet person and i feel like its often overshadowed by his bitchy nature (which i love sm) and i just...i think about him and dart so much because of what he says to mike in defense of himself: 'we have a bond because he trusts me' and he even goes as far as to say 'just because hes from the upside down doesn't mean hes evil' which is like. the only time anyone has ever voiced that thought in 4 seasons - that the upside down and the creatures that live there might not be innately evil. (and i could make an entire other post about how dart proves that the upside down isnt inherently evil but thats for another time- ) and its because dart is his friend, which the show established in s3--

dustin has certain issues with his own friends drifting from him and theres that bike scene with mike in season 1 where he's just okay with the fact that lucas and mike are best friends and dustin is, like, lesser because he was the last to join and lives further away (which, as mike says, he isnt lesser). but hes just okay with that. until s3 where they all blow him off after hes been away for months and he feels neglected! hes upset! he complains about it to steve!

so dart is, like, this little helpless, harmless, mysterious critter he found eating junk in his trash. and i might be going off base but id argue that not only does dustin consider dart a friend, but also he sees himself in dart. they both like nougat, for one, and dustin is established to be a food-lover (which i fucking adore), and dart is toothless, like him.

not only does being toothless make dart (appear) harmless (and so very cute, so adorable), but it makes him like dustin. in s1 dustin was missing his front teeth (i dont actually know the deal with gaten's teeth in s2+3 but anyway) and was mocked for it, even named 'toothless' by his bullies.

i think its definitely arguable that dustin defended dart even when the evidence pointed towards something sinister because he was a kid and he thought dart was his friend and he felt betrayed and was in denial that he was wrong about his new friend, but i also think dustin just. sees the best in people. he saw the good in dart and even when dart is full demodog, dustin still trusts dart enough that he allows his friends to walk past him while he distracts dart with nougat. he knows that bond is still there, he knows that dart still trusts him.

dustin sees the best in people, he sees the best in dart, he sees the best in eddie and yeah im gonna compare his bond with dart to his bond with eddie now. both were said to be evil, both were cared for deeply by dustin, who hid them away from those who said they were evil. dustin is adamant to both max and steve that eddie isnt bad, eddie is a good person, his first reaction to 'eddie is suspect number one' is 'thats crazy. there is no way' and his first reaction to 'dart is from the upside down' is 'that doesnt mean he's bad', i jsut. fuck.

he saw the good in steve too. like yeah sure at first he just needs steve's protection, but he is the first of the kids to cheer steve on and call him awesome and when he needs help in s3 he goes to steve again over his own friends, and in s4 he 'insisted' that steve was a badass to eddie, who has only ever known steve as king of hawkins high, because he wanted eddie to know how cool and good steve is now and was probably even offended when eddie inevitably laughed in his face about it.

dustin wears his heart on his sleeve and just. in general is such a good kid. all he wants is for his friends to be safe and happy, he doesn't like to argue with his friends - when lucas and him get in a spat about dart and max, dustin tries to stop the argument by saying 'we both broke the rule of law, we're even' - hes the first to apologise to max when mike excludes her from the party meeting, he's so gentle with eddie in the boathouse, realising eddie cant handle touch and keeping his voice calm and quiet as he delicately explained the truth of hawkins.

UGH i just. i fucking love dustin so much.

bonus s1 dustin (and lucas, mostly lucas what a sweet kid) being sweet with el.

[bumblebaubles]

ouabh/tbona character rankings worse to best

(it was a bad idea combining them but its too late now)

apollo: he should be lower esp considering i didnt like him before jacks curse either like he was egotistical, pompus, tiring and worst of all he wasnt even as hot as jacks like that is inexcusable

marisol: when i tell you marisols little bitch ass got on my nerves yes even before she was proven the lying little trollop she was. 

marsiol’s mom: she was the evil stepmother ofc shes at the bottom like how dare she try and marry off eva as if she ever gave a damn about her or who shed marry. esp after closing the shop like how did she end up with evas dad anyways

apollo’s brpther: idk his name and idc id put him above stone lady if he didnt flay his brother but if he did hes staying here hopefully the 3rd book will spill the tea. he and marisol deserve eachother.

the lady jacks hit in the head with a rock: yes shes better than marisol according to me thats how shit marisol was at least this lady was more bearable because jacks hit her in the head with a stone

luc: sure he was cursed when he did every bad thing he did but if yall remember what the bell said in the prologue of the first book (ikyk) he wouldve been a better friend than a lover he plays too many fucking games

jacks: i know you stupid bitches want me to put jacks at the top i mean hes been through a lot but this is a cumulative score for the mansplaining and manipulation and overall fuckery he did to evangeline in the first book. if he wasnt in love with her he would be much lower

lala: she is a stupid bitch for hexing apollo to kill evangeline like girl who in the fuck? why in the fuck? but other than that i guess shes cool. they had a lot of great moments in the book dont get me wrong but this irked me

poison: he was barely there and im not that far into the caraval series but he hasnt done anything wrong so he’s here deal w it

haveloc: yes the body guard is above lala because he was barely there and did nothing wrong 

evangeline: the thing about evangeline is that she is a dumb ass bitch and i hated all if not most of her decisions but me, also being a dumb bitch found solace in her idiocy and i found myself rooting for her instead. a win for her would be a win for me and all dumb bitches who are dumb. props to her i wouldve kissed jacks and kicked the bucket much sooner

the dragon in the cottage: the dragon was cute and did nothing wrong this is my ranking fuck you

[whosaskingwrites]

Forever Is A Long Time (Akaashi x Reader)

A/N: I'm alive. And finally starting my soulmate one-shots. 😔 sorry if you've been waiting for these i wanted to get the angst ones done first. Also im almost at 100 followers which means ill be having a follower special soon! So be ready for that. Anyway have a good day!

Date: Tuesday, November 24th, 2020

Details: 6.3 pages 2,308 words

Theme: Red String- There is a red string tied around your ring finger that connects you to your soulmate. It becomes visible when you are close to each other. You can also tug on the string so your soulmate feels it. When far you only see it as a red ring around your finger.

Warnings: cursing. Barely implied sexual stuff its just one sentence and its nothing explicit.

Soulmate masterlist

For as long as I could remember I had a pale red ring around my finger. I never asked questions about it since I knew what it was. My soulmate was out there somewhere but I was never curious about them.

I would have been but my mom stressed to me that I needed to be successful. Not worrying about some silly soulmate so I did. Every thought about my soulmate was pushed to the back of my mind and I slowly forgot about them. My friend Hinata always tried to get me to find them but I denied.

I ended up becoming the manager for the MSBY Black Jackals. I considered it the perfect job I wasn't as successful as my mom wanted me to be but I was happy with what I was doing.

I was always busy so my soulmate had never crossed my mind. My days were spent corraling Bokuto and Hinata while keeping Atsumu away from Sakusa's stuff. The rest of the team members like Meian and Barnes didn't need watching but they also never helped me.

Today was no different of course. Well unless you counted the fact that it was the Black Jackals versus the Schweiden Adlers. Hinata was bouncing around in excitement and Bokuto wasn't much better. Currently I was helping Sakusa fix his knee pads deciding to let Hinata be excited this once.

"Y/N!" I jumped throwing a hand over my heart as I stood up. I looked at Bokuto who was staring at me eyes wide. "Don't do that Bo!" I yelled smacking him on the back of the head. "Owww sorry it's just your hand!" I looked down at my hand and looked back up raising an eyebrow.

"What?" I asked in confusion Bokuto sighed reaching forward and raising my other hand. There around my ring finger was a thin red string. "Y/n's soulmate is here!?" Hinata yelled rushing over to see the string. "Oh cool I guess," I took my hand from Bokuto's grasp bringing it back down with a shrug.

"You're not excited about it?" Atsumu asked "Not really? Mom raised me to not worry about my soulmate so," I trailed off before I felt a strong tug on my hand. Looking down I noticed Hinata pulling on the string before someone pulled back.

I smacked his hand as he went to tug it again "quit doing that," I said moving to pick up my clipboard. "But thats how you find them! The stronger the tug the closer they are!" He shouted while I shook my head. "Hinata I'm not worried about my soulmate. The game is in 10 minutes so let's get you guys to the court," I stated looking at them.

"I don't get it how the hell are you Omi and Samu not interested in your soulmates!" Atsumu shouted as we left the changing room. "I'm just not big on the soulmate thing," I said with another shrug "I don’t really care if I find them or not," Sakusa added on with his own shrug.

"You guys are so boring! Y/n you're the first outta of the five of us to be close to your soulmate and you don't wanna meet them!?" Bokuto shouted in exasperation. "I dont see what the big idea is. I'm not interested in meeting my soulmate right now. Now go warm-up," I gently pushed the boys towards the court while I went to the bench. 

I shook my head as Hinata mouthed "Find them," at me. I sighed as I watched them feeling a gentle tug against my finger my eyes drifted to the red string before I cautiously tugged back. It brought an odd sense of comfort to feel every tug on the thread and it almost seemed like a habit for them to nervously tug the string.

My eyes shifted back to the court as the game started. My hand made notes that occasionally got messed up when a tug shook my hand. I quietly hummed when I realized they were trying to find me.

Halfway through the game the tugs had become annoying. They started hindering my writing the closer they got and the boys had most definitely noticed my annoyed state. They had come over for water and towel during a short timeout while I was finishing a note for Bokuto when my hand was suddenly tugged sharply to the side scratching a mark across the sentence id just written.

"Son of a bitch!" I quietly cursed though it was loud enough that the four boys heard me. "You alright Y/n?" Atsumu asked and I glared at him. The boys froze at the icy gaze.

"No I'm not okay. Everytime I try writing these damn notes my soulmate tugs on the fucking string and ruins it. I'm fed up with it and quite frankly I really don't want to meet them at this point," I stated angrily. "Come on Y/n its just notes-" my glare shifted to Hinata as he spoke causing him to shiver.

"Just notes? It is my job to write notes. If the notes are unreadable I have failed at my job and you know what these notes are?" I held up my clip board before slamming it back down on the bench. "Unreadable!"   I yelled before taking a breath. "Now finish your game boys and if you lose. Ill kill you," I sent them a threatening smile before they ran off to the court in fear.

___________________________________________

"I just don't get it man! How is she not excited!" I paused as I entered the shop. Hearing Bokuto yell as soon as I walked in. "I mean I get it. If my soulmate kept me from making Onigiri correctly I'd be mad," Osamu supplied waving to me as I walked in.

"Whats going on?" I asked looking at the guys Kuroo rubbed his forehead while Bokuto looked at me. "Please don't get him started on his damn manager again," Kuroo mumbled while Bokuto spoke up. "Hey Akaashi what's your idea of a soulmate?" I blinked at the sudden question "Someone who will be with you forever I guess," I said after I thought about it. 

"Our manager doesn't care about meeting her soulmate!" Atsumu yelled out throwing his hands up while Kuroo groaned. I came over and sat down across from Bokuto. "You guys are making a huge deal out of it," Sakusa said rolling his eyes.

"Well she should care! I can't believe she went home instead of celebrating just to fix her notes," Hinata stated with a huff. "What happened?" I asked my eyes flickering to Osamu when he placed a tray of onigiri down in front of me.

"Y/n's soulmate was at today's game! They even kept tugging on the string but she said she didn't care!" I paused as I processed Bokuto's words. I had been at the game when my string appeared. I tugged on it whenever I got nervous during the game.

I had eventually followed it during break only to discover it led me to the doors on court and suddenly it all made sense. "Oh," I said when I realized. "What?" Hinata questioned and I shook my head. "Nothing just...my string also showed up during the game," I stated looking back at Hinata. "Oh," he said but then his face lit up "oh!" He stood up suddenly and Bokuto joined him.

"Oh my god! You think-?" Bokuto trailed off excitedly looking at me. "You guys saying he's her soulmate?" Atsumu also stood up in excitement. While Kuroo sent me a look that screamed 'What have you done?' "Guys there was a lot of people at the game," Osamu said rolling his eyes.

"Yeah doesn't mean Y/n is his soulmate," Sakusa also said with an agitated sigh. Bokuto snapped his head over to me with a wide excited smile. "Did you follow the string?" He asked bouncing in his spot. "A little bit during break yes," I said as I automatically started playing with my fingers.

"And?" Hinata drawled out leaning towards me. "...It lead me to the doors leading on court," there was a brief moment of silence before the three boys started screaming. "Someone get her over here right now!" Atsumu shouted while Hinata pulled out his phone.

It went dead silent as he called the boys seemed to freeze in place staring at the phone that was on speaker. "What the hell do you want?" All four boys flinched at the angry tone and Kuroo shivered at it. "We think we found him Y/n!" Hinata excitedly yelled.

"Found who?" She asked in confusion causing Atsumu to sigh in irritation. "Your soulmate Y/n!" He yelled in exasperation. "Fascinating. I don't care," She had responded back in annoyance. "Y/n come on! Just come to Onigiri Miya please!" Bokuto begged his eyes got big as he stared at the phone.

"No. And don't throw puppy eyes at the phone I know you're doing it," Bokuto sighed when it didn't work frowning as he tried to figure out what to do. "Please Y/n! Five minutes! I'll do anything you want!" Hinata joined in with a frown. 

"I already said no. Now leave me alone or I block you," She stated before hanging up the phone. The three boys turned their gazes to me after staring blankly at the phone. I looked back at them slowly "...what?" I asked nervously before Atsumu smirked at me. 'Oh boy' I thought worriedly.

___________________________________________

'How the hell did I get here?' I thought as I stood infront of an apartment door. I assumed it was Y/n's since Bokuto had shoved me here and rang the bell. I was still getting my bearings when the door swung open revealing a girl with h/c hair and shiny e/c eyes.

She was wearing a black jackals hoodie and a pair of leggings. I noticed the red string trailed from her hand to mine confirming she was my soulmate. "Can I help you?" She asked with a sigh.

Her voice snapped me out of my reprieve and I gave her a shaky smile. "Hi um I think your my soulmate?" What I said came off as more of a question as she blinked at me. "Who are you?" She didn't check the string before she asked. Establishing that she wasn't lying on the phone she really didn't care. "Im Akaashi Keiji," I said holding out my hand.

She hummed as she took it shaking my hand as her eyes finally traced the string. "So. You're Bokuto's elusive friend and the one who made me ruin my notes," I flinched as she let go of my hand immediately going to play with my fingers.

"Sorry about that. I tugged on it whenever the game made me nervous," she was watching my hands before she suddenly reached out and took one. I froze at the unexpected move as she held my hand. "Sorry you were distracting me. Continue?" She asked as she laced her fingers with mine.

"I..um," I had lost my train of thought looking at the pale pink flush that had appeared on her cheeks. "A-anyway why are you against soulmates?" She shook her head at my question. "Im not it's just...my mom raised me to put finding my soulmate on the backburner and focus on my career so I did,"

She continued after a brief pause "She focused on her soulmate and ended up working as a waitress as her career. She wanted me to be successful and that meant no room for a soulmate," She shrugged like it was the most casual thing in the world to not care about a soulmate.

"So...Where does that leave me?" I questioned quietly while she hummed. "Depends...are you gonna ruin my notes again?" She asked with a small smile. I smiled back when I realized what she was implying. "Maybe. Maybe not. Depends on the day," She laughed as I spoke her eyes drifted to the side sparkling in mischief as she spotted something.

She leaned forward to whisper in my ear "Seems the three musketeers stayed to keep watch," She mumbled tilting her head as she pulled back. I turned my head slightly seeing Bokuto, Atsumu, and Hinata hiding around the corner. They were excitedly holding on to eachother and I shook my head looking back at her.

"Unfortunately," I supplied while she giggled. "Im sure you already know but my name is L/n Y/n," She said and I nodded confirming I did already know. Her eyes still held mischief as she leaned forward again. "I think we should give them something to watch," she whispered lowly.

My face flushed at the implication of what she said. "Y/n-," She cut me off with a kiss. They were soft and fit against mine perfectly much like her hand did. My eyes slipped closed as I kissed her back. I vaguely heard the screaming of the three guys.

She slid something into my free hand before pulling away. She smirked at me letting go of my other hand "Have fun with that," she threw a vague hand gesture to the boys before going inside and closing the door.

Looking down at my hand she had left a small white business card in my hand. Her number was stretched across the front and I pocketed it before walking away. As I got closer to the three guys I was suddenly tugged backwards and fell.

I looked at my hand to the string following it to see Y/n holding the string with a smile on her face. She winked at me before disappearing while I quietly chuckled.

'This was gonna be an adventure'

————————————————————————

TAGLIST: @wonhomarshmallow

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Ocean Eyes - Part 5

To say i didn't get much sleep last night was an understatement! I had spent a couple hours on the phone to my mom telling her about Chris showing up and now knowing about Mason while having a couple glasses of wine. When i finally did go to bed i couldn't switch my brain off,  the last time i had looked at the time it was nearly 4:30am and i knew Mason would be getting up around 6! It felt like i had just closed my eyes when that darling boy of mine came jumping on the bed to wake me up.

After breakfast we both got ready and headed out to the car, i needed to go to the store to get some groceries (if i had guests coming round i should really have something to offer them).

"Oh nooo.... mom creepy Brian is coming out" Mason said quietly.

"Sshhh i told you not to call him that" i chuckled as we rushed to get into the car before Brian could reach us.

"Thats what you and aunt Hannah call him though" he rolled his eyes like i was crazy as i reversed out of the drive.

"Only when we're inside where he can't hear us. You can't say that while his around baby"

"Fine, i wont say it again" he shrugged "is my dad coming back today?"

"He said he was gonna come see you today"

"I like him, he seems cool"

I didn't know what to say to that so i just kept my eyes on the road.

"Mom, dont you like my dad?...."

"Sure i do bud, i just haven't seen your dad in a long time"

"But he makes you sad"

"Im fine Mace, don't you worry" i forced a smiled trying to put on a brave face for him.

Walking around the store i found myself picking up things i knew Chris and Scott liked.... or at least what they used to like.

I was loading the bags into the car when i got a text message.

Chris: Hey, just checking its still okay if we come over today?

Y/N: Sure

Chris: Thats good because we're at the house but your not home....

Y/N: Im at the store, be back in 5 minutes

Chris: 👍���

A thumbs up?? Really Chris??

I internally face palmed, he was still a dork.

I spotted Chris's car parked out on the road leaving the drive way empty, once i had parked up he then drove up and parked behind me. Mason was already out the car and running over to see Chris before i even had my belt off!

I got out and walked around to the trunk to get the groceries out.

"Morning Neighbour" i heard Brian approaching.

"God damn it" i muttered under my breath before sticking my head around to see him "hi Brian"

"You need a hand with those bags Y/N?"

"No thanks i'm good, got plenty of help with these two" i threw a thumb back pointing towards Chris & Scott.

"You sure? i don't mind helping you out"

"Its fine, we've got it" Chris said coming to a stop beside me with Scott and Mason either side of him, he reached in and easily scooped up two bags, Scott grabbing the another.

"We're all good, thanks for the offer though"

"Anytime, you know where i am" he smiled and walked back to his house stopping a few times to look back.

"Urghh" i shivered "guy gives me the creeps" i muttered quietly as i shut the trunk and led the way up to the house.

"Is he always like that?" Scott asked his eyes going comically wide at the thought.

"Yeah. He always appears when we're leaving the house or getting back...."

"Thats a little weird"

"Im sure he's harmless...." i shrugged. Chris was being unusually quiet, I didn't ask him what his problem was.

"Mom and aunt Hannah call him creepy Brian but its a secret" Mason said quietly to Chris and Scott even though we were now safely inside.

"Mace, stop it" i laughed shaking my head.

"He can't hear me mom its fine"

"Honestly kid...."

"Wonder where he gets it from huh?" Scott chuckled at me.

"Definitely his dad" i rolled my eyes "i love him more than life itself but he's a pain my ass sometimes" i muttered quietly so Mason couldn't hear.

"Sounds just like Chris" Scott laughed playfully nudging my shoulder with his.

"I heard that!" Chris added just making Scott laugh louder.

I made some sandwiches for lunch and grabbed some drinks taking them all out into the garden where Chris and Scott were kicking a ball around with Mason.

"Foods ready guys" i called out to them once everything was laid out.

"Can i sit next to dad?" Mason asked running over.

"Sure bud, Scott looks like you stuck with me" i shrugged switching their plates around.

"Fine by me sweetheart, id rather sit next to you anyway"

"At least someone wants to sit with me" i joked sticking my tongue out at Mason making him giggle.

"Hey Y/N..?" I heard Brian call from behind me, i sighed closing my eyes before turning around to see him looking over the fence at us.

"Hey Brian, everything okay?"

"Oh yeah! I just wanted to remind you about the BBQ, your friends are more than welcome to join us too"

"Thanks for the invite Brian but i think we're just gonna have a quiet family lunch"

"Okay well if y'all change your mind just come on over"

"Will do" i forced a smiled and turned back around.

"Has he gone?" I whispered to Chris who had the clear view of next door.

"Yeah" he nodded "that guy needs to take a hint".

"I don't think he knows how to" i shook my head before taking a bite of my sandwich.

"Maybe you should give him a shot" Scott teased wiggling his eyebrows.

"No!" Both Chris and I said at the same time.

"Relax i was joking" Scott laughed before shooting Chris a look. Chris looked like he was about say something but his cell phone ringing his pocket drew his attention.

"Sorry i need to take this" he said getting up from the table "hey Lindsey" i heard him say as he walked further down the yard for some privacy.

"Lindsey? That the girlfriend?" I asked Scott quietly, he nodded giving me a sad smile "its fine, i just wondered"

"I don't think it'll last personally"

"He obviously feels differently if he's now wanting that divorce"

"Thats because he's an idiot"

"Not gonna argue with you on that....."

"So what about you? Anyone special in your life Y/N?"

"Yeah Mason" i scoffed "i don't have time for dating. Being a single parent is tough Scott.... most guys run a mile when they hear you have a kid..."

"But you must have dated a bit?"

"Not really" i shook my head feeling my face burn in embarrassment.

"Y/N, there has been someone since my brother right?"

I looked up at Scott slowly shaking my head "no. I've been on a couple dinner dates Hannah set me up on but nothing ever came of it" i shrugged "its fine".

"Jesus woman how long has it been....like 7 years??" He asked looking surprised.

"Something like that" i mumbled picking up my glass of water, my throat suddenly bone dry.

"Girl that is some dry spell, please tell me you at least have a vibrator!" He said quietly so Mason wouldn't hear. I choked on the water that i was swallowing and started coughing before it turned to laugher.

"God i've missed you Scott" i smiled at him.

"I've missed you too! But that doesn't answer my question".

"Whats so funny?" Chris asked as he rejoined us.

"Just Scott being Scott" i rolled my eyes.

"Im finished mom can we go play football again now?" Mason asked looking hopeful.

"In a little bit bud, your dad and Scott are still eating".

Hannah and Lucas turned up unannounced not long after lunch was finished and I was grateful for the distraction. Lucas quickly joined in with Mason, Chris and Scott who were kicking the ball around again while Hannah poured us both a glass of wine.

"So hows it been having him around again?" She asked looking over at Chris.

"Weird. But Mason loves it"

"Your handling it better than i would be!"

"Mason deserves to know his dad, Chris has already been warned that i'll kill him if he does anything to upset him"

"I don't doubt that for a second" she laughed refilling our glasses.

"So..... Friday? I was thinking we start small just hitting some bars then we can end the night at 'Ruby's' for some dancing. I know you need to be wasted before you even consider dancing"

"Han i said id go out for a few drinks not an all nighter!"

"Oh come on! You haven't had a good night out in forever babe, we'll find us some cute guys...."

"Hannah...." i groaned closing my eyes.

"Ooh i heard you mention cute guys" Scott sat down looking very interested in our conversation.

"Im trying to talk Y/N into finding a cute guy to give her some much needed attention when we go out Friday" Hannah told Scott making me roll my eyes.

"Id listen to Hannah, you are in some serious need of male attention"

"But i don't just hook up with strangers guys.... we've talked about this!"

"Well maybe you should! Im just saying you deserve to find someone who makes you happy Y/N. Just because your a mom now doesn't mean you can't find love" Hannah said reaching over taking my hand with a smile. She had a point.... i couldn't sit around waiting for a man who had made his feelings perfectly clear 7 years ago. A man who was in a serious relationship..... maybe it was time to try and move on from him.

"Can i please come with you? I could use a night out" Scott asked looking hopeful.

"Sure, its been a while since you joined us on a night out Scotty" i smiled at him.

"You can help me find this one a man while your at it" Hannah smirked and shared a look with Scott that spelt nothing but trouble.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier

Ocean eyes: @supraveng @michelehansel @denisemarieangelina @mrsjeffwittek @mery-be @marvelfansworld @cmalass @capstopavenger @fallenoutofrose @kelbabyblue @biebsmylife95 @loser-alert @traceyaudette @w3lissax @jennmurawski13 @ford66steal @saiyanprincessswanie

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 10 - Stir caused as Don Nomura uploads a photo of his father, Nomura Katsuya's corpse.

K: This is Dir en grey's Kaoru, starting another episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome.

J, T: Thank you *1

K: Can we have the topic for this episode, Joe.

J: Yes, 'Don Nomura uploads a photo of his father, Nomura Katsuya's corpse to Twitter. Twitter is on fire with calls to delete it.'

Well, the former baseball manager Nomura Katsuya died on the 11th of February, and the photo of his corpse...Well, we say its his son, but they are not related by blood right? Its Nomura's wife, Sachiko's son (*from a previous relationship*). Well, anyway, they are family right? He took a photo of the corpse (*at the funeral*) and uploaded it to social media. Many voices have been raised saying it looks scary or creepy, so 'please delete it'.  Well, how should we think about this? It was a theme which caught my interest.

T: In Japan, we don't generally do that, do we?

J: We don't. Even with the death of close relatives, we don't tend to take photos, do we?

T: Right, we don't take commemorative photos with everyone gathered.

J: No, we don't. I think we tend to give the deceased more of a solemn send off. But I have lived in America for a little while, I mean, not all American's are like this but, you could say for Christianity, they have quite individualistic funerals. Also, when they say goodbye, they sometimes kiss the corpse and so on. Thats normal, and some people even take photos, but the circumstances might change if someone were to upload a photo to social media for all to see. Kaoru, how do you feel about this?

K: Well, lots of people can see it, so maybe its ok to bothered about it...but i don't really mind.  I mean, its his relative, it might be different if it was a stranger...but he's not just some wierdo. Well..I have a feeling its....????*2

T: I've covered Noumra san while I was a sports journalist, and when I was shown this recent photo, in my heart I thought..hmm, his face looks nice, he looks at peace.

J: I see. Well, opinion is very divided on this, but another thought I had about this one photo is...For a while I was chief editor for the magazine Days Japan. Its a photo journalism magazine, and it quite often included war photos. And in that case, well, for war in the middle east etc, the bodies of people who had died were visible in them, so there was a lot of debate about whether or not we should run them. At that time, one line that we took was that, for example, we would not run photos of people who had died in natural disaters, but in relation to war, we thought we must think about why it happened, and that the bodies might hold a message in relation to that. Obviously, we avoided very grotesque photos, but we did run numerous photos of bodies for this reason. Another thing I also conversely thought is, well at this point I don't know if movies do this, but there is a documentary movie called, 'Utanohajimari', I went to see it recently and was quite surprised. At the beginning of the movie, there is a birth scene, and there was a message warning viewers about the scene, that it wouldn't be censored. It was written that you will be watching it uncensored. So I thought, oh ok, but at the same time, in relation to birth and death, the two biggest events in a persons life, the start and the end...in this country we can't quite express ourselves freely. Its essentially a culture of trying to hide these things...I vaguely thought about this. We can get whatever  information we need to live our lives from all sorts of places, and if we don't have that we are seen as falling behind. But, as humans we need to think about why we are here, why we die, where did we come from, where are we going...well, its getting a bit philosophical, but we are living in a comparatively blinkered fashion in this respect. If you upload a photo like this to social media in a country where this type of thing is always concealed, you don't know if they is gonna be a kind of allergic reaction to it. In music and the arts and stuff, there are themes of death, and other things that we should be thinking about, but I think community in this country is missing these expressions....I mean, this photo is not intended  as a work of art, is it, Nomura san's body? Ive kinda thought about that.

K: I thought so too, you don't see it often do you? There was that...???*3

J: Ah, yes yes

K: There was a lot in that. Compared to that, this is..

J: Well, its true, in this country birth and death aren't exactly 'taboo', but we deal with it....Well, we are not a particularly religious country, so maybe that has something to do with it.

Kami: As for me..

J: Oh, he's here.

Kami: I saw that photo, the photo of him wearing his uniform, and I was moved.

J: Oh he was moved.

Kami: Mmm, I though 'Ah, its Nomura san', and like, 'Oh, The Swallows (*baseball team) .

J: I see. Instead of Rakuten, right?

Kami: No instead of the Hawkes where he got a triple crown. Like, he was greater when he became a manager. Like with Yakult. He kind of raised those teams.

K: He was worldly.

T: If he'd been wearing Hanshin or Rakuten uniforms it would be a bit....right?

K: Yeah. He'd say, 'No, not those!'.

J: I really think so.

K: I think Nomu san had great power with Hanshin and Rakuten. Later Hoshino san also had a lot of success, but yeah, think Nomu san had great power.

J: He made them, right? The base for a winning team.

K: But of course, the Swallows...

J: Yeah, whatever you say, Nomu san was there, and raised Furuta. At that time, we didn't know how far the word 'ID baseball' would go.

T: Thats right.

J: I think its amazing how that penetrated the world.

Kami: Its amazing how he got a triple crown as a catcher. But he didn't really boast about that during his active years. People are thinking of the Swallows when they see him in uniform now right? Thats what i imagine anyway. He wasn't like 'Look at me!', he was more like one of the team. I feel it deeply, I feel the art.

J: Certainly I think it has that kind of message.  By the way, do you become a god after dying? How does it work? Are you born a god? I've always wanted to know this.

Kami: Gods?  Gods are there from the start.

J: Oh from the start? You are born a god?

Kami: No, we're not born, we just are.

J: Oh its like that?

T: Thats complex

J: I see, thats deep.

K: They already are, right?

J: Yeah

Kami: Gods don't have a beginning or an end.

K: Wow

J: Is that so?

K: I want to try saying that.

J: Right. ..He hasn't even proved once that he's real though.

K: But it means you must be around for billions of years.

Kami: Its not billions of years, iｍ ever-lasting. 

K: Oh, again.

J: Out it comes. He came out with that.

Kami: You guys just can't understand it.

K: No, we can't, not at all.

J: He always says it in a really cool voice too.

T: If i said that to my wife, she would laugh at me so much.

J: 'Im ever lasting too'.

*K laughs*

J: She'll usually say 'whats wrong with you?!'

This is really terrible. So, Kami, you don't die, you are not born?

Kami: Yeh, im timeless.

K: But you have an hourly wage, right?

*J laughs*

J: He has no concept of time but he works for an hourly wage!

Kami: Yes, thats right.

J: He's so stupid.

T: An incredible god.

J: I mean it. A god who needs money, like he needs to eat.

K: Its realistic right?

J: Yes, realistic.

K: He drops in just like that, doesn't he.

J: Im thankful for him...Well i have some sympathy for him, he's ever lasting, but he still has to eat, and earn a living. I don't know if im thankful or not thankful.

Kami: Thats why people call me a cheater.

T: He worries a lot about getting called a cheater.

K: We hear it a lot though.

T: Right, its hitting him where it hurts.

J: He says it everytime, I think if effects him a lot. But like Kami says..wearing a Yakult uniform...right?

K: Yeah

J: And his face looked really peaceful. I think perhaps, living in this country, we are a bit too indifferent towards birth and death.

K: There were probably quite a few young people who have never seen this kinda of thing before, so they won't be used to it if they are seeing it for the first time.

T: Its quite a complicated feeling coming into close contact with death or a dead body like that. When my relatives, or my grandma etc have died...I can't put that feeling into words, when you see them..what is that feeling. Do you have that experience, Joe?

J: Well, yes within my family, or friends. You can't put it into words...

T: Its a kind of lonliness, but not quite..and also a bit frightening. Its very difficult to express...the feeling when a person dies.

K: In those times, its like there is an atmosphere of trying not to say anything wierd. Like, there are certain set greetings like 'Im sorry for your loss'. There's this kind of pattern. I think that creates this kind of atmosphere.

J: Yeah, maybe.....I know a lot of people in bands, and when that type of person dies, thier funerals are quite individualistic..its kind of a relief to see. There are different ways to pay respects or connect with a death, and I think we ought to consider that more. I don't think its right to make death into a taboo.

T: Recently, Uchida Yuya san had a very 'rock' send off, didn't he?

J: Yes, he did! ...so I had these thoughts and picked up on this news.

K: Well, lets finish up here. Everyone please subscribe.

T, Kami: Please.

J: Thank you very much

*1 Im wondering what's the best way to translate 'よろしくお願いします/yoroshiku onegaishimasu'..

*2, 3 These bits frustrate me, as I can hear what he's saying, but i can't seem to figure out what he means. I feel like im missing something really obvious.

[lastflwers]

My Personal Rating of All Marriage Candidates

Abigail: 8/10 - she is pretty, she is interesting, i like all of her cut-scenes HOWEVER I once accidently gave her rock and she was so rude about like what fuck abigail just take and eat it or whatever you do

Emily: 4/10, she is...eccentric just not really my vibe. Idc for her personally, nothing she’s ever done has made me laugh or smile or cry so idk just not for me but...not bad

Haley: You bitches already know - 10/10 i could go on and on. I like it when she insults me i like it when she compliments me. She does no wrong. she once called me strong and i have not forgot since.

Leah: mm 7/10 honestly i have not interacted with her much. I think...she is pretty and i think sheeee is cool??? I personally only considered dating her bc she reminded me of robin and i cannot marry robin. Nothing bad but...nothing extradanary idk how to spell that word

Maru: PLS SHUT UP 4/10 im not a fan - she literally did nothing wrong its just i cant handle smart people literally stop just be dumb with me. Id hate working in a group project with her she seems judgey idk also shes a lesbian thats not relevant she does not like men.

Penny: 9/10 - she’s smart in a cool way. I just...shes so sweet and I ALSO like books and i think she’d make such a nice wife and shed be much happier :( literally nothing bad she simply bores me at times and thats on me honestly 

-

Alex: 10/10 honestly my fav bachelor. I like his story and i did cry during it bc listen he told me that his dreams were silly and he was sorry??? FOR WHAT HAVING HOPES AND DREAMS BBY NO any wayy i think he’s sweet and he let me play football with him and he also said i was strong

Elliot: i dont... i have no fuckin clue i..5/10? i legit love him and his hair and his free spirit and he honestly seems like he cares about the farmer and i bet he’d write love poems or some shit HOWEVER idk he seems a little condesending idk how to spell that word either. everytime hes like “R u all right? u look perplexed?” I WANNA PUNCH HIM WTF NO ITS NOT HOT SUMMER AIR IM NOT PERPLEXED UR PERPLEXED GO THE FUCK AWYA AND WRITE UR NOVEL BITCH

Harvey: I’m sorry 0/10. i hate the mustache and also i think hes boring ive gotten up to like 5 hearts with him and i just...i dont vibe with him. he gets absolutly nothing im not into his personality or that fucking mustache

Sam: its...uh 7/10 ? idk im like the same person as him ??? we’re really simialr idk why i dont wanna marry him. I would love to be his friend and stuff but...yikes i dont wanna marry him. also just...pure bestie vibes

Sebastian: 8/10 i also like frogs and I was once emo so

Shane: mm 8/10 hes alright. iiii im not into his story THAT much but i do think the whole softy part of him is real sweet

Okay all done now you guys do it pls i love opinions

[matoitech]

cinderpelt, mothwing, ashfur?

cinderpelt:

Sexuality Headcanon: lesbian

Gender Headcanon: nonbinary, i like transfem hcs too, she/it/he

A ship I have with said character: idk cant think of anything

A BROTP I have with said character: for some reason i got confused and thought she was friends w cloudtail and now i think that thats actually rly funny and should happen bc they were both apprentices of firestar

A NOTP I have with said character: firestar :| for obvious reasons. she did not have a crush on him i dont care what the erins say

A random headcanon: in my head she has always been a very small cat, brackenfur and thornclaw are small too. brighthearts the only one that is Big

General Opinion over said character: i like her i think shes neat, i wish we’d gotten more from her pov when her sister was injured in the med den but i think the erins forgot they were related. i dont think i have to say anything abt her being reborn as an able bodied cat so she could ‘live the life she couldnt as her poor sad miserable disabled 1st self’ was a terrible fucking idea. although- starclan making that decision for her even though she fought against it bc they think they know best could b another ‘starclan DOES consider the living clans playthings of them’ in po3 bc the three (and squirrelflight and leafpools conflict) all have to do w that already. oots au where they actually fight STARCLAN or smth

mothwing:

Sexuality Headcanon: lesbian

Gender Headcanon: transfem nonbinary, she/they, maybe he around close friends

A ship I have with said character: mothpool ofc

A BROTP I have with said character: sorreltail just cuz i think leafpools girlfriends being bros would b sick

A NOTP I have with said character: i hate her w crowfeather. i do not like that

A random headcanon: in my brain mothwings fear of water due to almost drowning as a kid just happened to b 2 a lesser extent than hawkfrosts and eased off quicker as she worked thru it in riverclan, but she grew up lonelier in the clan and missed her mom more than he did

General Opinion over said character: shes one of my fave wc characters i love her very much and am very annoyed about whatever tbc is doing w her character. mothwing is not an asshole and she more than anyone would be able to relate to and have sympathy for shadowsight being manipulated by someone he thought he could trust, if i was rewriting tbc id write her as being protective of him to defend him from his clanmates and for them to have a good relationship. not whatevers happening now i think this conflict is stupid and ooc. i like that shes went from not believing in starclan to being vocally against them and distrustful of their existence bc shes literally right. also why didnt she get to talk to tawnypelt ever

ashfur:

Sexuality Headcanon: het

Gender Headcanon: cis. u ask him what his pronouns are and he gets rly offended and does one of those cis ppl speeches abt how pronouns arent real 

A ship I have with said character: no one. why would you make anyone be w him

A BROTP I have with said character: wasnt he friends w thornclaw or am i misremembering. i feel like that would make sense given thornclaws personality is asshole

A NOTP I have with said character: brambleash and hawkash i fucking hate them. ik ppl dont think too hard about it and its common to hc shitty dude chars (in this case ash) as mlm cuz ppl think its funny but it feels kinda insulting 2 me. most other wc villains i dont care but ashfur isnt cool enough to b an lgbt villain. i also hate squirrel w him obviously but that goes w/o saying

A random headcanon: idk he reminds me of remi tho

General Opinion over said character: fuck this guy. hollyleaf was right

[justalitlecreacher]

I’m here to prove that Andrew Garfield’s portrayal of Spider-man/peter parker in The Amazing Spider-Man is objectively the best love action adaptation of the character. In this essay I will....(yes this is really happening)

Edit: 10/20/20- i want to indulge myself in spiderman content but finding non mcu spiderman content is exhausting so imma update this instead

TL;DR

Andrew Garfield is my favorite of the 3 Spider-Man actors. TAS’s Peter is more fun and dynamic than the cookie cutter “shy introverted nerd that has a crush on a girl who’s way out of his league” Peter in Tobey Maguire’s movies. I enjoy Tom Holland’s portrayal of the character, but hate the way Disney has written the movies.  I enjoy the characters, plot, and humor of The Amazing Spider-Man far more than the other 2, and i deeply wish we had gotten the third movie with the canon BIder-Man of Andrew’s (and my) dreams.

[DISCLAIMER: I HAVE NOT SEEN THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN 2 OR ANY MCU SPIDERMAN MOVIES OUTSIDE OF CLIPS AND REVIEWS ITS ALSO BEEN A VERY HOT MINUTE SINCE IVE SEEN A TOBEY MAGUIRE MOVIE]

Characterization

  Most arguments against Andrew Garfield’s Spidey( AG’s from now on) begin and ends with “he was a good Spider-Man but a bad Peter Parker”. This references an outdated post comparing all three Spidey actors.(Id attach the image here but i dont want the post to be too long(thats a lie this is so long what am i doing with my life)) The post also claims that Tobey played a good Peter and a poor Spidey; and that Tom is good at both “roles”.(Honestly I think it seems silly that this seems obey the “third time’s the charm” rule but thats just me).  Most people using this seem to be Tobey stans who have forgotten or ignored the rest of the post funnily enough, but the ones that go further into the WHY AG is a poor Peter are also incorrect. This argument also ignores the idea that there can be more than one version of Peter Parker which is blatantly incorrect.  Just look at Into the Spiderverse or the PS4 game; these provide 4(5 if you count the pig) versions of Peter themselves, and that doesnt even include the comics. 

 Arguments that go further in depth claim that the AS Peter is too cool or well liked by his peer to be a “true” Peter Parker. The evidence for this seems to be that Peter has a skateboard.(which what? didnt realize that having a skateboard would instantly make you cool brb guys). Adding to that i dont really see where people get the idea that Peter is popular or well liked. While looking for complaints i found this qutoe from reddit(theyve since deleted it looks like but i’ll add a link in the notes) “He's angsty, pretty socially awkward, has an aptitude for science, and is kind of an outsider. He gets bullied by Flash and he gets his ass kicked after trying to stand up to Flash. He isn't a "cool" person in any way (until the ending, in which he's best buds with Flash, so I'll give you that). While Maguire is more accurate to the 60s comics where Peter in high school is just a fucking loser with basically no friends, in the ultimate comics, Peter is more of the kid who has a small amount of friends, but isn't popular.”. Honesty i fully agree with this because once again, other versions of a character are allowed to exist. You can dislike one version, but its silly to dislike something for not being exactly like another thing.

Ive also heard that Peter isnt “nerdy enough” in this movie which really doesnt make any sense considering the entire plot happens because Peter was looking into some of his parents’ research. If he wasn't interested in looking further into his father’s work what reason would he have to go to Oscorp where he’s bitten by the spider? Why would he have become Dr. Conner’s assistant? If he wasn’t intelligent how did he develop the web shooters?(something that Tobey!Peter doesn't have to do out of plot convenience might i add).  

 Another complaint i see is that the quips he uses in the movie(the first one specifically it seems) makes him seem like an asshole. Honestly thats a fair complaint, but i think its a good bit of characterization; espcially if he does get better about it in the second movie like the internet suggests.The Peter in this movie is a rightfully angsty teen; of course he acts a bit of an ass to criminals(also i feel like its important to mention that he’s like that to criminals? its not like hes being a dick for no reason).

  Compare this with the Tobey Maguire(TM) movies. Like i said i haven’t seen these in awhile but as far as i’m aware TM’s Peter doesn't really do anything particularly nerdy in the film? I may have forgotten something( ok in the scene before he gets bitten he knows a cool spider fact) but he doesn’t have to invent the web-shooters because they came with his powers and he’s only at Oscorp in the first place because it’s a school field trip that he appears to be taking photos for. This Peter does fit the definition of outcast(friendless and bullied for it), but honestly i just dont like him. He’s weird and something about the character makes me feel like i should be a little grossed out every time he looks at MJ at the beginning of the movie.  

   I honestly don’t have any complaints for Tom Holland’s(TH’s)Spidey. Tom is a great actor and from what ive seen i enjoy his portrayal of the character.( He made me cry when i character i actively dislike died).  

Story

  I cant really say much for TAS story. It’s interesting but nothing special really. However, there is one scene that i don’t think i’ve seen anything like since( the closest would probably be the train scene in the original trilogy). 

 The crane scene. Early in the film Peter saves a boy from a car that has fallen off of a bridge, and at the end of the movie this becomes relevant again when it is uncertain that Peter will be able to get to the lizard to stop him in time.(as Peter is already injured and pretty far from the lizard’s location). The boy’s father is then revealed to be a construction worker who recognizes that Spider-man is going to need help to get to the lizard; he remembers how Spider-Man saved his son and organizes the rest of the construction workers to build a path out of crane arms for SM to swing from. All of them are putting themselves in danger by not evacuating, but SM’s actions in the first act of the film motivate them to do what’s right. 

  I love this scene primarily because it highlights something that i think is a really important part of Spider-Man’s character; his connection to the people he saves. SM is often shown interacting with and chatting with the people he has saved after the fact. One comic shows Peter accidentally scaring some bullies and then taking the time to ride the bus to school with them to continue their conversation and educate the students on bullying.( There’s definitely more but this is off the top of my head).

  Another scene in TAS that i love is shortly before the crane scene when Peter is originally attempting to make his way across the city to stop the lizard, and he is shot down by the police. They manage to unmask him before Peter comes to his senses( he had just been shot and fallen pretty far out of the sky in his defense). From there Peter is able to deal with the police while keeping any of them from getting a good look at his face. The one cop he cant take out happens to be Gwen Stacey’s father who had previously had an argument with Peter about Spider-Man(Peter obviously on SM’s side and Mr. Stacey against SM). Peter turns and allows Captain(?) Stacey to see his face. I believe that this is an example of an unwilling identity reveal done right. i really enjoyed this moment because Peter had just shown that he likely could have gotten out of this encounter with his identity in tact as he had just taken down however many men. This implies that it was an active choice on Peter’s end to trust that Captain Stacey would ultimately do the right thing and allow Peter to go fight the Lizard, rather than a final desperate attempt to get away unscathed. Whether or not this interpretation of the scene is correct or not it still gives the character a bit more agency than some versions have done with their identity reveals.

  In Spider-Man 2 Peter starts to lose his powers because he’s having internal conflict about wether or not he should be Spider-Man. Honestly thats kinda neat and i might want to give that a rewatch. As for the one i have seen i don’t have any complaints. I do however prefer the way that Peter was bitten in TAS because it was a result of him poking around where he shouldn’t’ve been rather than him just happening to be standing in the right place for a spider to land on him. 

  Onto TH’s movies; the way Disney has treated Spidey in the MCU is why TH’s is my least favorite version of the character. I feel like too much of the story revolves around Iron Man; Iron Man made Peter’s suit and equipment, Iron Man introduces Peter to the MCU(via blackmail but thats another rant for another annoyingly long post), its Iron Man that “makes” Spidey in this universe rather than Spidey being self-made. In Homecoming(which remember i havent seen outside of clips so bear with me) most of the conflict is cause directly or indirectly by Tony’s refusal or inabilty to communicate with the teenager he’s meant to be mentoring

 For one the entire incident with the ferry could have very easily been avoided had Tony bothered to communicate with Peter enough to tell him that the situation was being taken care of. On top of that at the moive’s climax Peter is shown trying to get in contact with Happy(from what ive picked up isnt he a chauffeur? like idk his deal i just know he’s someone Peter got pawned off onto after Civil War). Peter even goes as far as to somehow hack into Happy’s phone(i think thats what happened it was a weird tech thing that shouldve been a red flag that the call was important though) but instead of listening; Peter is ignored. If this was a different kind of movie Peter literally could have died and itd be the fault of Happy and Tony like..... A large portion of conflict comes from characters being incompetent and not communicating and thats just poor storytelling.

Before this turns too much into an anti mcu rant id also like to say that the way they did Civil War was really dumb considering that Peter defects to Cap’s side in the comics, but whatever.

 Also i loathe the way they handled the identity reveal at the end of Far From Home. With MCU movies most people know to expect an end credits scene by now, but typically that scene is not important to understand what’s happening in the films; they just aren’t important. Putting an identity reveal here makes it seem significantly less important than it is. On top of that i dislike their use of J Jonah Jameson for this scene.

  JJJ is a character who has been repeatedly shown to have a genuinely good heart. All of his anger comes from a place of love for his city(he even says this hemself in the ps4 game when May writes in to tell him that he needs help). He hates Spider-Man because SM reminds him of the masked man who killed his wife; JJJ has never been able to get past that( and Peter’s antagonism of him definitely doesnt help) However, JJJ has been shown to care for people; he has a son who he often brags about, and one comic shows that JJJ is paying Peter for “amateur” quality photos because he knows that Peter is having a hard time and “just need some help”. JJJ has even learned Peter’s identity before and kept his secret for him(seriously though i cant remember the name of the comic but its defiantly worth the read), and in the original trilogy when Goblin threatens JJJ he claims that he doesn’t know who sends in the photos of Spidey because he does it via email( this is a lie). The MCU will have a very difficult time convincing me that JJJ would ever out a teenager’s identity and put him in danger like that. It goes too far against his character.(this could be hypocritical of me to say considering how i just insisted that multiple versions of a character can exist but whatever ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) 

This is accidentally turning into an MCU rant but id also like to say that i hate the lack of a TH!Spidey origin movie because it gives you no motivaion for Peter becoming SM or explanation of his powers; most people will know these things but if youre unfamiliar with the character its bound to be confusing(and im a sucker for origin movies)

[wolferals]

🌙TROUBLE🌙

arón piper imagine

🌼@bbaronpiper and I wanted to try something and got some basic keywords for a story and both of us wrote our own interpretation! A so seen little project🌼 hope you like it🌸

and check out her story as well TROUBLE

also check out her writings, shes amazing! @bbaronpiper

*

*

friday july 12th 2019

„Have you ever considered becoming a vegan officer?" you asked the tall handsome cop who sitting in front of you.

He looked at you in disbelief before speaking up:"Y/n, its one thing being a proud vegan but its another thing to carry out violet actions against Mr. Rodriguez. You overreacted and you have to deal with the consequences."

You scoffed and leaned back against your chair.

„And how long is that going to take here?"

He slowly lifted himself up from the wooden chair and turned to you once again, saying:"Apologize to him and maybe he wont sue you."

You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms in front of your chest.

He was the one who had provoked you by pushing you out of the way, making you fall. You had just asked him what that had been for and he had responded:"Get out of the way little girl. Maybe go to school instead of protesting against something you cant stop. Maybe eating some meat wouldnt harm you."

And yes maybe you had overreacted by kicking him in his left leg. But how were you supposed to know he had just had surgery?

When you had heard about the protest against animal cruelty in the middle of Madrid you had immediately called your best friend to tell her to make some signs.

And that said friend was now hiding somewhere, just as the cops had arrived she left you alone and ran.

In that very moment you could've screamed but you were too busy trying to hide. But they caught you eventually, thats why you were here.

„Alright Ms. Y/l/n, we only need your personal details and then you can go. You will receive a letter from us in the next week."

You looked up and listened to the police man talking to you. Then you grabbed your bag that's been sitting on the floor throughout this time and walked outside.

„Alright, sit down." An older woman ordered you.

You unwillingly sat down on another chair in the main area of the police station.

There were two other people you noticed. A young girl, maybe around the age of 11 who had probably lost her parents in the city. And a rather damaged boy your age, perhaps a little bit older, who had scars in his face.

Your gaze fell to his hand that had bleeding knuckles.

He noticed your stare and looked at you.

He didnt look very charming you figured. He looked pretty serious and was probably one of those guys that got into fights on the regular or maybe even did drugs.

„Full name." the unpleasant female cop yelled at you.

You looked at her and then took a deep breath. Your parents would kill you, but you had no choice, you were already in deep shit.

„Y/n (y/m/n) y/l/n)" you spoke and looked to the ground.

The lady mustered you and eventually wrote down the information.

„Birthday", „Place of birth" , „family status (parents names and birthdays)"  and other personal information followed. You unwillingly answered each time.

Great, now you were officially fucked.

„Wait here." She said after she slammed the „questionnaire" on the front desk where a young woman took it and started typing something on her computer.

So you just sat there for what felt like an eternity until another police officer entered the room and grabbed a chair to sit in front of the guy with the bruises.

„Alright. So, beating up teenagers is now cool or why did you do it?" he asked him while leaning back.

The guy just laughed and then replied:"First of all, they are not teenagers, they are over 18. And second, this fucker wanted to rob me. I just defended myself."

You listened interested until they both looked at you, making you look away rapidly.

„So you're saying that this boy who is about 5'6 wanted to rob a man who already has a criminal record?"

The guy nodded and added:"I know how this sounds but look what he did to me! The guy can do karate. I just hit back to run away."

The officer took a long breath in before answering:"Well too bad you got caught and are already very well known here Arón."

The guy suddenly looked very mad again and leaned towards the old police man.

„I didnt fucking start this!"

The man got up, put the chair back to its original position and said:"I'll get the report ready Mr Piper."

The guy cursed and then leaned back against the wall.

You were looking at his face. The bruises you had noticed before looked very fresh, there was still some liquid blood in them. But in general he was quite handsome. He had a sharp jaw, a very chiseled face structure and a shaved head. He looked like a criminal, judging from how the criminals on tv look like.

„Qué??" he then asked, making you snap out of your thoughts.

„Uh nothing." you replied and coughed.

You turned your face away from him.

„First time in trouble huh?" he asked and you could hear the grin in his tone.

You looked back at him, looked him up and down and replied sassy:"Duh."

He chuckled at you.

Then he spoke:"Welcome to the real world."

You had to laugh at his word choice. Next he sat up right.

„Did you beat him up?" you then asked out of curiosity.

„Arón" stared right into your eyes and eventually stated:"Did you kick the man out of nowhere?"

You responded with a small laugh. „Yeah." he just claimed and looked around.

„I'm fucked." you mumbled after a couple of seconds.

You could feel him looking at you. „Nah the first time isnt as bad. Plus, you just kicked someone, you didnt kill anyone."

Your head shot around. „Ah someone knows his way around huh?"

Arón chuckled again. „Nah. Not yet." he smiled.

You noticed a little gap between his front teeth. He didnt look as dangerous when he smiled.

„You know I'm good at assuming things about people. And you dont seem like a killer girl." he suddenly said.

You smiled and scanned his face secretly.

„What do I seem like then?"

He grinned and the next thing he did was stare you up and down for a bit. Until he finally spoke:"Rich girl, who lives with her parents. She likes to say what she thinks and sometimes gets into fights because of that. But she's never been arrested before so mommy and daddy are going to ground you for that."

You scoffed at him.

But he wasn't completely wrong.

„Well. Okay." was all you could say. He was pretty right about his statement.

After sitting in the hall for a little, the old officer finally came back and handed you your ID.

„You can go."

You got up and grabbed your bag with your left hand.

„Hey princess, tell mommy and daddy I'm sorry for their criminal daughter." you heard Aróns voice as you wanted to leave the police station.

„Ha ha very funny." you replied and faked a smile that turned into a frown.

„Hey girly, can I crash at your mansion some time?" he yelled after you.

„Sure. But I wont tell you where I live." you grinned and looked at his expression.

He looked chill despite the fact that he was in trouble like you had been.

„Dont worry, I'll find you."

You nodded unbelieving and then finally kept walking.

Now you had to explain to your parents why you were late, and why you were expecting a letter from the police. Fuck.

•

•

You somehow managed to tell your parents exactly how it happened without being yelled at. They believed that it wasn't completely only your fault yet they werent happy about the fact that you ended up at the police. But on the other hand you had never had any problems with the law before and you were usually a good girl, so they werent worried as much as expected. You hadnt told them about the lawsuit yet though. That was a future problem.

As it was now the next day you were just at home, finishing some assignments for your second year of college that would start next week.

You had taken a shower after dinner and then went to your room to watch a show before heading to bed.

To be honest, you had almost forgotten about the whole lawsuit thing when you went to bed that night. It got late, you got stuck with the newest season of your favorite show and actually fell asleep at around 1:30.

A loud noise woke you from your sleep and you sat up right, looking around all confused.

Your room was completely dark besides the streetlights from outside your window.

You heard the knock again and a shockwave went right through your body. Where did it come from? The house was all silent since your parents' bedroom was downstairs and your sister was sleeping at her boyfriends' almost every night.

Slowly you made your way threw the hallway checking where the noise came from. Your first thought was that it was probably the neighbors cat in the backyard or something but then you realized the bangs came from the bathroom.

You grabbed the first thing near you which was a vase that had been standing on a little table in the hallway.

Eventually you walked to the bathroom and turned on the light.

You got scared immediately as you saw a face in front of the window.

After looking at the person you realized it was the guy from the police station. You closed the bathroom door and unlocked the window.

„What the fuck are you doing here?" you whisper yelled.

The guy climbed into the room. He was wearing a black hoodie with some dark grey sweatpants and a black beanie. „You said i could sleep here if I found you. And i did."

You were actually creeped out. So you just stared at him until your confidence came back. „How did you fucking find my house?" you asked and pushed him back a little bit. He grinned and leaned against the sink. „I stole the paper with your information."

Your eyes widened. „You what??" you asked him in disbelief. „You're welcome. Now they got nothing against you. For the police you dont exist."

You didnt know if you should thank him for it or hit him in the face for doing such a stupid thing. What if the police thought you stole it? „So where can i sleep then?" he asked you and took a look around. His bruises were still visible but now looked a lot more clean and healed.

„Uh." you stuttered and thought about his question.

„My parents are right downstairs. You cant just sneak in here and expect me to offer you my bed. I dont know you, you could be a psycho!" He laughed at you and stepped closer to you. You were intimidated because you couldnt step back any farther. Your back was already touching the wall next to the bathtub.

„I wont hurt you, I just need a place to sleep." You looked right into his eyes that were only inches away from yours.

He was so close he could probably hear your heart pound. It was about to jump out of your chest. You then offered him to sleep on the small couch in your room, if he promised to disappear before your parents found out.

So you passed him a blanket and two pillows and finally turned off the light the second time this night.

„Goodnight." you automatically whispered. You heard a little chuckle from the other side of the room before he whispered back a quiet:"Gracias."

•

When you woke up a couple of hours later your room was lightened by the sun. You rubbed your eyes and sat up. You almost had a little heart attack when you saw someone laying on your couch. But then you remember what happened only 4 hours before. The guy who's name you werent sure about -was it Arón?- was sleeping peacefully, his closed eyes facing you. You noticed he had taken off his shirt. You didnt see his stomach but you could see his naked, muscular arms over the blanket. And you saw some tattoos on them. And a small tattoo on his chest.

He looked quite cute when he was sleeping.

You then checked your phone and thought about what you'd do today until you heard footsteps coming upstairs.

Your mom! She always says goodbye before work. Its like a mother-daughter tradition because once when you were a kid and she didnt say bye you had a panic attack because you thought something happened to her. You jumped up from the bed towards the couch.

„Wake up! Wake up! You gotta hide, my mom's coming!" you shook him to wake him up. He replied with a raspy groan and eventually opened his eyes.

„Huh?" he asked confused looking at you. -„Hide! My mom!" You whispered and waited for him to get in the closet.

But since he took so long realizing what was going on, it happened what had to happen.

Your mom was standing in your room, staring at both of you. You in your oversized shirt and no pants and this strange boy shirtless. You were fucked.

„Uhh y/n?" she asked and looked at you in confusion.

You were all staring each other down until Arón spoke up:"Mrs. Y/l/n, im so sorry. My name is Arón, I'm your daughters boyfriend." He shook her hand smiling. Your mother on the other hand looked confused as hell. Just as you. Did he just call himself your boyfriend?

„Oh. I didnt know she had a boyfriend." Your mom replied and then actually chuckled. She laughed! She wasnt mad?

„I have to go to work now but nice to meet you Arón. See you later honey, i think we have to talk."

She said after none of you said anything.

„Likewise" Arón spoke before your mom left your room and closed the door.

„What the hell?" you yelled at him and lightly punched him in the chest.

„I had no choice. What do you want me to do? Say that I broke in here because we met at the police station?"

You ran your hand through your hair and then said:"Please go. I'm in enough trouble already. Please leave."

He nodded, then grabbed his sweater and put it back on.

„Can i sleep here tonight too? I dont really know where to go." he asked while picking up his things.

You rolled your eyes but nodded softly.

„Thank you!" He smiled and came up to you.

„Sure." you replied and crossed your arms.

He opened the door to your room and whispered a „see you tonight" before finally leaving your house.

You didnt really trust this guy. Something about him was off but you didnt know quite yet what it was.

•

•

Arón's been crashing at your place for a week now and a lot of weird things happened inbetween. You only saw him at night when he climbed through your bedroom or the bathroom window. Then you usually went to bed and in the morning he left. You never knew where he went and you also didnt know why he couldnt sleep at his parents'.

Your mom and dad had both talked to him before and actually believed he was your boyfriend. Around them he acted like an angel but you knew he wasnt. I mean, he's never insulted you or been rude but he certainly wasnt an example of a good guy.

One night as you were sleeping, him laying on your couch, you were woken by someones voice talking in your room.

Arón was walking around your carpet, speaking into his phone loudly.

„Whats up?" you whispered and looked at him all sleepy.

He showed you he needed a second and kept discussion in spanish.

He was pretty loud and you were worried your parents might wake up from his voice. And he seemed mad, almost aggressive.

He then hung up and before you knew, he slammed his phone on the wall. It broke immediately, shocking you intensely.

„Jeez what the fuck!" you spoke and got up from the bed.

Arón in the meantime put on his jacked and wanted to walk out of the room but you chased him, trying not to make too much noise walking downstairs.

„Where are you going?" you asked.

„I need to see someone before this certain person wakes your parents." he boldly spoke and opened the front door.

You were only wearing shorts and a top and it was chilly outside. But you were far too concerned to grab a jacket.

You closed the door behind you and ran after him.

„Y/n go to bed." he then ordered as he kept walking.

„No i need to know whats happening."

He scoffed at you and finally stopped as you both reached a person standing around the corner.

Aron was just standing there staring at the dark dressed man.

You were right behind him, carefully taking a look.

„Arón." the guy finally spoke and came up to you both, grabbing aron by the jacket.

„What do you want?" arón asked the man, sounding as if he was about to rip his head off.

„Needed to see you little brother." the guy replied and then noticed you hiding behind Aróns back.

„Oh got yourself a girlfriend huh?" he grinned and walked around him to get closer to you.

„Hey you." he smiled and reached out to touch you but you backed off and mustered him.

„She's hot." the guy then said and turned around to arón again.

„What the fuck are you doing here Juan?" Arón finally spoke up. „Taking you home. Mom is worried about you."

Aron laughed fake before claiming:"Oh really?"

Juan stepped right in front of Aron and looked at him.

„I like your new haircut brother. You look like a prisoner."

Arón didnt reply, he clenched his fist as if he was about to hit.

„If you keep going like that, you will be soon." Juan added and smiled at him.

„Fuck off im not coming home." arón mumbled and wanted to step back but Juan grabbed his arm and answered:"You. Are coming with me. Because I say so."

Aron freed his arm and yelled:"Get out of my life."

You just watched as they were yelling at each other. The reason for Aróns stubbornness wasnt quite clear for you until he said one specific thing:"Mom and Dad dont want me back! All they want was you. You're the only son they ever wanted."

He was jealous of his big brother.

What you figured out from their conversation, Juan was a troublemaker himself but then started studying and was now about to be a lawyer. Apparently their parents had always supported him, even though he used to be in deep shit often times. Arón kept claiming that he was „nothing to their parents".

At some point the situation escalated and Juan grabbed Aron rather harshly and Aron pushed him back. Which made Juan fall to the ground, hitting his head on the concrete.

Juan looked even more furious than Aron then.

He got up again and basically jumped arón.

You felt useless, watching those brothers fight in the middle of the streets.

But suddenly you decided to do something.

You went up to them and jumped on Arons back to make him stop.

„Stop this shit before someone calls the cops!" you tried to calm them down.

But Aron was so furious he threw you right off.

You landed on your back rather harshly, moaning out in pain. It had been really fucking painful.

He didnt even notice that he had hurt you, they kept yelling at each other until you heard police sirens getting closer.

Juan seemed to notice as well and let go of Aron.

„You know what, fuck you! You're useless to this family. Come back after achieving something!" Juan yelled and just disappeared between the streetlights and the bushes.

„Fuck." Aron cursed and finally turned around to you.

���Run!" he then said as the police car turned around the corner.

You got up in pain and grabbed his reached out hand.

„Faster!" he told you and pulled you with him as he was running super fast. You almost stumbled over your own feet.

„Where?" you just asked and concentrated on running as fast as you could.

Usually you hated running but right now it felt good. Free kind of. You had never run from the cops, especially not with a known criminal who wasnt as bad as you thought.

„Fuck, run faster." he yelled but you couldnt go any faster.

Eventually he let go of you to make you jump into a bush.

The cops were right behind you but didnt seem to notice you hiding, they ran past you after Aron.

And aron on the other hand did something you hasnt expected. He stopped running.

He turned around and put his hands up in the air.

What the fuck was he doing?

The police reached him and put him in a secure grip in a fast motion. He couldve gotten away easily if he hadnt stopped!

They grabbed him by the arm and pulled him through the alley of trees towards the police car.

You looked him straight in the eyes as they walked past you. He inconspicuously smiled at you.

What was he doing?

As they sat him in the police car you slowly got out of the bush.

So you just stood there. They couldve seen you but you didnt care, you just wanted to see what was happening.

Some of your neighbors were outside looking as well.

Before the car took off you felt your phone vibrate in your back pocket.

Who would text you at 3am?

You took it and opened the message.

You started to smile and looked up to see him smiling at you from the police car.

Arón:"Can I crash again when I get out?"

⭐️

[bunnyriviere]

my god i cant get my head out of this mess so imma rant, then MAYBE i can focus on my assignment like damn babe i thought your passion is stats, why are you obsessing over a guy that doesnt care enough. huh? care about stats instead babe!!!!!! i just want to only have to care about maths but i know my life is ruined if i dont have relationships, so i try. but i must suck at it so bad if everything just ends in flame like this, im so tired im teary eyes.

im on my phone and honestly dont know how to do the uh line to cut short the post so if anybody unfortunately see this im sr :(

this is not even about a romantic relationship, i dont even know why i just couldnt like a person like that but damn fine. this is about a male friend i made in grade 11 i guess. i have never liked men. im afraid of them and dont want to have to interact with them ever. i know its bad and i should change but i just really want them away from me im sorry..... so i wasnt even friendly with him, but i was polite, i know how to be a decent person. he was friendly and nice and friends to all which only made me think aw geez just stop being friendly i know this is not because you like me. but i was eating the snack he brought to class anytime he brought it without much thought cause he offered i aint gonna say no. all the while still not consider him a friend. not until a friend said im not being nice if im eating his food while still not seeing him as a friend. and i have always feel bad about not being friendlier towards men in general and he made the 1st move which made it easier for me to just go along. so i did and thats how we became friends.

hes really nice and i mean it. i think really highly of him. maybe its just me having bad luck so i havent met many that are nice?? i really believe they are just myth tbh, im about to settle for that thought. and this guy is really how i wish is the standard for all men. hes just that good, i have no complain. i truly like him and glad that my friend said something cause otherwise we probably wouldnt be friends.

again no romantic feeling. i just have to, remind the invisible audiences of this post i guess.

now we all know covid. and because of it, i couldnt come home and wanted to lay in bed even more than normal. so i didnt push for it when he said he couldnt meet anybody in the summer because he didnt want to accidently give somebody it. just saying that cause this is a 2 ways road right, nothing is ever only his fault, its also mine. i want to rant about my feelings but i dont want to dismiss any mistakes i made yk. so we didnt meet up then.

christmas came and before then we were talking about christmas gift and i didnt wanna any so i didnt prepare anything also. this person is too nice and i dont want him to feel bad. but anw i just thought maybe we can still meet up even if its not for gift exchanging. but i didnt ask or anything at all cause well, hes from here, he has family and friends that are definitely closer to him, and he had work. i know hes busy and if he wanna hang out he know where to find me. i just dont want to accidentally add something more onto his list of to do. he would be too nice to say no. and we are not that close i dont want to add more work for him. i dont have relatives or friends here other than him so im free anytime if he wanted to meet up. but that didnt happen, i dont think we talked at all. which fine i hate to admit but i was hurt. ugh hate showing how vulnerable i am. yuck. yikes. -100/10.

i just didnt think about it? i didnt try to reach out either so that was my fault too but just, if he didnt care then i wont either. so i really didnt think about him anymore.

came reading week! it really was 1 year from the last time i saw him honestly. he asked to meet up and if i want to go somewhere and tbh no im in the countryside rn is that the corect word so there are no place to go. but i remembered this 2ndhand place i like to go sometimes and i hadnt gone in a while so why not. so we agreed on that. and i know he was probably just tired, and there are people who sigh a lot, its not uncommon. but not seeing him for a long while and knowing this is a place i suggested, him doing that really made me feel bad. i probably shouldnt, but couldnt get the thought that he was probably doing this just because hes friendly not because hes friend with me. it fucking sucked. when we got out and he dropped me back at my home i still felt so bad he didnt get to enjoy himself so i asked if we could watch jojo together. yeah he loves jojo. i dont really care for anime im so sr i prefer realing manga lmao sr.

now ok maybe im still being dumb, probably. but tldr i truly believe people can be friends and affectionate even when they are from opposite sex. it didnt work out so well cause i got molested lmao cause some other guy thought that was cool to do. so that honestly worsen my uh wariness of men. but like i said, i think ive said it, i trust this person. honestly i do, we hug a lot and i had never felt afraid of it. i believe he wont do anything. im just really comfortable around him. so we cuddled while watching anime, that had happened before im really sr if you think thats wrong, i still believe that could happen.

but maybe its because i was tense from thinking he really didnt enjoy hanging out with me that much. i kept connecting remembering what the molester did and while i just knew i swear i knew he wouldnt do anything like that, i couldnt get it out of my head. i felt bad for that but there were just 2 things that happened so similar to what happened with the molester. haizz he kinda laced our fingers together but it wasnt handholding, same thing happened once before with m-dude and it felt weird but i didnt want to question that friendship so i didnt. and at some point of jojo i kinda jumped and he held me back, not pulled me back or anything but was holding me in place, and it was probably to make me feel safe but honestly if anybody even use a little bit of force i will just think of when i finally got the courage to turn around to confront the other dude for touching me, he held me back and i couldnt move at all. i think i froze a bit.

argh back to the main story. see how i totally suck? hahaha just blaming this friend for something somebody else did. im so sorry, i suck.

well after that we picked up talking again but idk! was it me overthinking? was it? because it felt like he didnt want to talk to me at all. it was, how to say it. he was friendly yes he talked hmm. damn how-- it felt like he didnt care for what i said. its a feeling idk how to put into words. and that sucks. he didnt seem interested in me before, felt happy enough when we cuddled, then back to being uninterested. i knew i know he doesnt want me romantically. damnit am i only good now for hugs. are we friends? what i meant is not sex but am i only good for physical stuff? i dont fucking know, the m-dude obviously just want a fwb and i was to trusting to notice. is this my gut feeling or my anxiety idk!

another side story. another guy suddenly expressed interested in me right when covid hit but it was because he couldnt get over his ex so i stopped talking to him for a while and picked it back up when i thought he was no longer idk being annoying about it. i thought he had to at least like me as a person to even express he liked me romantically. but apparently not. he looked so uniterested suddenly and denied when i asked, then stopped reading my texts.

so you see. i just cant if haiz ok do- do anybody like me? just as a person? idk.

god i knew i fucking suck for being so sensitive and anxious and im sr for wanting stuff but maybe i want you to look like you care a bit when i said you are reminding me of the m-dude, instead of saying ok we can talk less then. i already felt like you dont want to talk to me, you dont have to say that...

officially crying heyho.

just saying no you dont dont like talking to me when your actions were saying the opposite is not cutting it either... i also thought highly of the covid confession guy too but what happened now. im sorry for comparing you to others! but i learn from experiences... and this was sus... (yah its a joke i cant help it.)

and if i just agreed and stopped talking to him right it just, felt like a confirmation that yeah its true hes just letting me hug him not because im his friend and he knows i like hugs so he lets me. but its more like its convenient that a girl is hugging him so he wont say no. something like that. that sucks. thats all im good for. if i were his friend, it would include the talking too.

ah!! i know we are not close, we are both casual friend. he is definitely not on my top list to tell stuff to but damn i still like him enough to hurt. and to not asking for too much.

so anw i kept talking with the anxiety that never got solved and that made me frustrated and i picked at his insecurity to made him hate me enough to stop talking to me cause i couldnt bring myself to stop, id feel so bad. this is really toxic and i admit this is not the first time ive done it, to a different person but its the same thing.

hahaha act like i hate him while just want him to see how i feel so bad. yeah im a tsundere.

it worked so i stopped talking to him for a week and focused on talking to my other friends. friends i know without a doubt love me and want me because i really didnt feel that with him at all. sorry i know you were tired with covid.

that made me felt better and i was not in panic mode anymore, i can calmly assess things now. and before, i felt bad because i truly believed i was just seeing things, i couldnt see pass my anxiety and was blaming him for what, nothing. he did want to talk to me. but my mind was clearer after that one week and yeah i cant really make more excuses? yes i was sensitive and made things worse, but there must be something for me to pick up first. it didnt just come out of thin air.

so i sent him some texts saying that, because just leaving without a word is bad communication. i have to tell him and at least give him a chance to change i guess? did he need change? im doubting myself.

i- hm he just said yeah his look and way of talking really make him look like hes tired and uninterested, and laughed at my marie kondo joke. you know the one. idk! all i saw in that was yeah thats how it is, accept it. and i-- i, cant? i dont want to... i dont want to :(

but my mindset for just about anything is value the process, not the result, like as long as you put work in! thats great! and he- he was, talking... he put work in..... i would feel so bad to deny it. but at the same time, it was not enough... i hate! to say you need to do at least this and that! but it didnt feel like enough..... im sorry :(((( i am.

ive talked about my tendency to lash out. last time i didnt want it but i had to get away quick so i didnt mean it but i still did it. but this time i was truly angry. because i just wished there was more care for me but i know that was all there was, and i couldnt do anything about it. couldnt even ignore him. he was even drier then, and i got it, i lashed out at him, ofc he wasnt going to be friendly. but just why were you trying so hard... no, no it was not trying hard, you were answering texts at the speed of once every 2 days. why were you answering at all? you clearly didnt want to. but again so was i. did i really have a say.

so i sent angry texts at him. about how fake his friendliness was, did he really consider me friend, why did he keep saying no it was not that he was uninterested while it was obvious that he was. also that i want to fight him. i really do want to. hopefully he will beat me up hard enough that i can be in a coma and die in 9 months idk. (listen 9 months is enough time to make a new human, if im not awake by then, you need to let me go, thats my wish.)

he said that no he doesnt like to fight and thats the last text i got from him.

because ofc i dont hate him him, the whole him idk what im saying. just angry and hate that hes not matching me on how we value this relationship i guess. not besties like how he likes to joke, but eh, was hoping more than what i was sensing. i still sent a text being like ok fine do you still want to talk and if so how do you want me to do. but he didnt answer it in time so i decided for him that nah we wont talk anymore.

heyho i was sad, i am sad. and ok hear me out, HEAR ME, i dont use tarot for future but just for my feelings and how to deal with them, and my deck said ok babe this is the end, you will have to move on now. so i will.

tbh lmao for every relationships that i emotionally invested in. i always make an essay on my feelings because thats how i conclude things, and so i wont forget that my feelings are legit. so the moment i started this post, hes dead to me i guess.

wow this post is long. but i did really like him so.

im moving to uni city next month but i know he will leave in the summer so i wont have to worry about seeing him then. and probably not further in the future either, we go to different uni and are quite far away and our common are not gonna question things i dont think. dont think they would even notice, we are not in a group or anything. and even if i do end up meeting him. my feelings while was anger, but it stemmed from sadness and disappointment so it wouldnt be too bad. on the other hand... m-dude..... i am afraid of meeting you, lets please please please not meet damnit.