#sadly they can't kill every single problem that comes their way

[sea-owl]

@lyramundana come take responsibility for your spawn! You are partially the reason for this.

"YOU'RE WHAT?!"

Portia sighed. She knew the kids wouldn't take the news lightly. From the way she saw them going for the weapons she knows she confiscated before the family meeting it might be a little bit worse than what she thought. Mary was not happy with her either as she sat in silence.

"I'm going to allow Jack to court me with marriage in mind," Portia repeated.

"Why?" The children demanded. "He's useless!"

"He is a man and the current Lord Featherington," Portia said. "This will help us with tying the lands of our home back to us. And as much as I it pains me to say this he does have some use. He has his charm and is a good salesman."

"A charlatan," half the children said. The other half said, "A scandal waiting to happen."

"Something I will make sure doesn't happen." Portia was firm on that. She will not let anything happen to them; she swore it the day she awoken her past life memories. "Besides it will not be the first time a new lord married the widow."

The children still weren't happy, but they seemed ready to follow Portia on her lead. Portia and Mary left the room arm and arm.

Portia let her head drop onto Mary's shoulder. "I should've had those documents forged sooner."

"I wished you held out a little longer, but you weren't sure which daughter to give the estate to before," Mary said, her thumb rubbing the hand she held. "Speaking of, does Penelope know you are tying the Featherington estate and lands to her dowery?"

"Not yet I want to make sure the ink is dry and indisputable before telling Penelope."

-

Back in the drawing room the children debated what to do.

"Could Prudence marry him? You know she won't care and make quick work of him," Sophie suggested.

"Prudence just got remarried to that lord from Prussia, and she's not pregnant yet to claim his fortune. So that's a no," Kate said.

"We could just kill him," Gareth said.

"But what's gonna stop another Lord Featherington coming in and kicking us out? This one is at least an idiot; we can control him." Felicity countered with Lucy nodding in agreement.

"We could run him out of town," Michael suggested. "An absent lord is almost as good as a dead one."

"But what's stopping him from eventually coming back and kicking us out or having a descendant of his do the same thing?"

Simon smirked. "It could buy us time. We would need to take the estate away from him, but we can also tie it to one of the former Lord Featherington's daughters." Simon trailed off at the end, looking between Penelope and Felicity.

"Not it!" Felicity exclaimed.

Penelope rolled her eyes and chose to ignore her sister. She debated, if they were to run Jack Featherington out of town it has to be done by someone adored by the ton. Fuck.

Penelope stood, catching the attention of everyone in the room.

"Where are you going?"

"To Bloomsbury to make a deal with the devil I know."

Edwina and Phillip got up and followed.

"Penny you don't have to do that. I can entertain Anthony, and we can do it that way," Edwina offered.

"Anthony desires Kate, Winnie, and a viscountess. There's no way we can make the deal without marrying her to him," Penelope aruged.

"And Kate rather die again then marry him," Phillip added.

Edwina shot an annoyed look at him. "You are not helping Pip."

"Besides Jack is a charmer and charlatan. We need someone who can out charm him-"

Edwina threw her hands up, "Michael!"

"Michael has the title of Merry Rake," Phillip said. "He's more infamous than anything."

Edwina turned and glared.

"We need someone with the charm and adoration of the ton," Penelope continued as they entered her room.

Phillip went to stand and stare out the window while Edwina continued to follow Penelope around. Penelope began to pull out her maid disguise she uses when on "business."

"So what is stopping him for demanding marriage like Anthony would do with Kate?" Edwina questioned. "I am not blind Penelope, Colin Bridgerton desires you, probably more than food with the stares he sends your way."

"He is twenty-four," Penelope replied. "No gentleman his age is looking for a bride unless he is a new lord and even then that's on the rarer side. Plus he is a wanderer, he won't put down the roots a wife will require." Penelope knew that for a fact, after all he was still refusing to do that in her previous life, and he was thirty-three when she was executed.

"So what will you offer?" Phillip met Penelope's eyes through the darken glass.

"I have no marriage prospects," Penelope said. "In the last life and this one. No one will look twice at an already predestined spinster and whether or not she is 'pure'."

"And if you become with child?" Edwina challenged.

Penelope now dressed in her maid outfit, wrapped an arm around Phillip. "Pip here will still marry me. Right?"

Phillip looked down. "Why would I back out of our deal? It would be without question."

Penelope turned back to Edwina. "It would be a double win for us Winnie. We get an heir for when he becomes Sir Crane and will be forced to marry. We'll also both be left alone with his plants and my writing."

Edwina threw her hands up in the air. "I'll let the others know."

"Wait until I'm/she's gone!"

Edwina made a rude gesture that would surely get mouth washed out and a slipper thrown at her if Kate or Mary saw.

Phillip squeezed Penelope's shoulder. "Be careful. Do you have your spare set of knives on you?"

"Of course," Penelope said as she packed a day dress. "Cover for me?"

"You would doubt me?" Phillip joked.

Penelope smiled. "Of course not. You're too much of a gentleman."

-

Colin Bridgerton was leaving his club when he spotted the goddess who haunted his wildest fantasies standing by his carriage.

He was curious about the maid outfit.

"Mr. Bridgerton," Penelope smiled. "I have an offer for you. Do you mind us going back to your lodgings for a more . . .private setting?"

Curiosity (and a few other things) won over Colin's honor as a gentleman as he helped Penelope into his carriage.

When the carriage started moving Penelope kissed him.

[brummiereader]

So here it is everyone, the last part to my Dark!Tommy series "Killing Me Softly". It has been a wild ride with lots of twists and turns, but like all things we've sadly come to the end. I want to thank every single one of you for your comments, reblogs and likes. I have been overwhelmed by the love and support you have all shown this series! I really can't thank you enough. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments, if you liked the final chapter, if it finished the way you expected it to or even the way you wanted it to. Thank you to all of you once again, I couldn't have finished it without you!

Brummie xxx

PREVIOUS PART

Killing Me Softly (DARK!TOMMY/ PART TEN)

Summary: After the troubling discoveries you made the previous night in Tommy's office, everything finally comes to an end when you learn of one more sadistic act your husband made in his cruel crusade to make you love him.

Warnings: Language, toxic marriage, psychological abuse, controlling behaviour, manipulative behaviour, psychological mind games, Dark!Tommy ( This is a dark fic, please read the warnings before continuing)

" Phenobarbital, fuck where is it?" you mumbled under your breath as you sat on the sofa, frantically searching through a dictionary you had found in the study the next morning, your head turning to the door every other minute afraid your husband would walk in.

Rubbing your forehead you brought your fingers to the space between your brow, pinching the skin as exhaustion started to take over. You hadn't slept last night and had been throwing up on and off all morning. The strain pulling behind your eyes from searching through countless books for the past hour had started to give you a thumping headache, you were drained, desperate to close your eyes and sleep. Trying to relieve some of the tension throbbing against your head, you massaged one of the sides of your temple as you continued to look through the book resting on your lap. Turning the next page your eyes scanned down the text until finally, you found it " Phenobarbital from the barbiturates family. A white crystalline powder often used by patients suffering from epilepsy. Also used in small amounts to subdue those suffering with anxiety and sleep deprivation in the form of a sedative" Sedative...there it was again. Your mother didn't suffer from epilepsy and neither had sleep or anxiety problems. He was having her sedated, but why? Had she angered him? Had he grown tired of paying for her care? Or was it simply another way to get back at you? Running your hands through your hair, fear and panic started to quickly rise within you, your stomach turning at his unforgivable actions. You was scared for your mother, not only for her ongoing care but now for her life. He had played you again, fooled you one last time. If you was ever going to escape this marriage you would have to play along until you found a way out, if there even was one.

"Y/N, what are you doing in here?" You heard your husband say walking into the room. Quickly shutting the book you pushed it under the cushions beside you as you reached for the newspaper in front of you.

" Just reading" you said looking up at him as he sat down next to you, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

"Reading?" he cocked an eyebrow as he took the paper from you." Daily Mails business column" he said clearing his throat as he read the page." Y/N you can barely fucking spell, yet you're reading this" he scoffed throwing it on the coffee table in front of him. Turning your head away you brought your fingers up to your mouth as tears threatened to escape, his childish dig at you striking deeper than you thought it would. Already in a heighten state of emotions you felt that you was on the verge of breaking at any given moment. All you desperately wanted was for someone to comfort you and and take you away from the hellish nightmare you was living. Yet here you was, stuck with a man crueler than the Devil himself, all hope within you being crushed with every word he spoke.

" I've made an appointment for you" he said as he turned to face you lighting a cigarette. " A doctor downtown" he finished leaning into the sofa, his thumb brushing down the back of your neck." You listening to me?"

" Hm?..oh, yes. A doctor. Why would I need a doctor?" you questioned pulling yourself away from your worries, your fingers digging into the soft fabric of the sofa as you looked up into his insistent stare. It took every part of you to hold back the questions burning within you, the revelations you had learnt last night forming a knot in your already uneasy stomach.

" Why would you need a doctor?" He repeated as he lent forward tapping the ash from his cigarette into the glass tray in front of him. " Well darling, i think you might have come down with something. Heard you throwing up most of the morning. Now what could possibly cause that, hm?" he asked, taunting you, waiting for you to crack and tell him what he already believed he knew.

" I'm fine Tommy it must have been the champagne from last night" you dismissed unable to look at him as your eyes fixated on your fingers playing nervously with the hem of your dress.

"We're going Y/N. Tomorrow at noon" he said taking your chin with his thumb, lifting your head to face him.

" We? Tommy..."

" Yes we, you're my wife. I'll be in the room with you, that's not a problem is it? It's not like I haven't seen everything already" He said as his eyes quickly darted down to your stomach then back to you. Shaking your head you brought your hands into your lap, as you mentally tried to figure out how to get out of your now impending appointment.

"Good" he said as he let go of your chin. " I'm going out, I won't be long. Some men will be arriving soon to do some work around the property" he told you as he stubbed his cigarette out.

" What work?" You questioned as you watched him stand up, straightening out his waist coat.

" Fencing for around the house, and a new gate. A big one" he said as a small chuckle left his lips. "You should rest darling, your little late night reading session looks like it's warn you out" he advised as he bent down placing his hand firmly to the back of you neck, pressing his lips to yours as his tongue brushed into your mouth. " Oh sweetheart, you really do get me going" he laughed darkly as he looked down at his trousers, sending you a wink. " Ta-ra!" he said as he strolled out the room with his hands in his pockets, leaving you in a state of worry and confusion at his sly comments and clear change in behaviour. Had you angered him?

For the better part of an hour you had been walking aimlessly around the property, one of Tommy's henchman back surveying you, his eyes never leaving you. Leaning against the cold stone of your home Arrow House you nervously bit your nails as you watched the workmen Tommy had hired to build the fencing around the house stack bricks on the ground. In less than twenty- four hours everything had dramatically changed, Tommy's calm loving temperament along with it. Did he know you had found out what he had been doing, what he had been doing to your mother? Or had he discovered that you was carrying his child? As you watched one of the large metal gates being lifted, one or both of the questions you had been mulling over had to be the answer to his sudden change in demeanor, why else would he be doing this. It was now a race to see which one of you was going to break first, which one of you was going to confront the other.

"Harry!" you shouted as you watched the stable boy walk into the barn in the corner of your eye. Jogging over to him you held your coat around your chest from the cool autumn breeze, Tommy's man watching your every move. "Harry?" you said again as you entered the barn when he quickly turned around taking his flat cap off.

"Mrs Shelby" he replied glancing up quickly only for his eyes to dart back to the hay he was breaking up in front of him.

" How are you?" You questioned, seeing the hestiation in him to even look your way. Walking over you tried to catch his line of sight as he continued busying himself, ignoring your attempts to talk with him. " Harry, is everything ok?"

" Oh yes Mam, very well. Mr Shelby wants me to clean the stables out, lots to do" he said as he picked up a handful of hay placing it in a large tin bucket.

" I can see that" you replied with a chuckle as you looked around the barn. " What's this?" You said as you picked up a strange looking black barell on top of a stack of hay.

" Don't know Mam, found it as I was mucking out. Looks like part of a gun" Harry said as he walked over to Tommy's stallion.

"It does doesn't it" you replied as you furrowed your brow, turning the object around in your hand. "Oh please, let me help" you said putting the unusual find back down without giving it a second thought as you walked over to Harry feeding Tommy's horse.

" Can I ?" You said as you put your hand out for the bucket, which harry handed over with a small smile quickly returning to his other jobs.

" Hello you" you said as you stroked down the stallion's mane. He was a beautiful horse with the most hypnotizing eyes you had ever seen. He had gained quite the reputation among the people working at Arrow House. His temperament was unpredictable, the only person he would let ride him was Tommy. Reaching into the bucket you pulled out a handful of hay, stroking his neck as you fed him.

" Fuck, he bit me!" you said as you pulled your hand away, staring back into the darkness of his eyes as he flared his nostrils at you.

" Mrs Shelby!" Harry said, dropping the broom he had been using to sweep the floor as he hurried over to you.

" It's alright Harry, he didn't draw blood" you said as you looked back at Tommy's horse staring at you, his eyes as dark as coal.

"I'm sorry Mam, he's been acting up all morning. I should've warned you" the young stable boy said as you turned to face him.

"Maybe he misses my mare" you told him, trying to ease the worry in his eyes " But nothing could be done, she was lame the poor thing" you said as you looked over to her empty stall.

"Lame? She wasn't la.." Harry started to say until the voice of your husband interrupted him.

" Darling, there you are" Tommy said entering the barn, as your eyes widened at the words you was sure the stable boy was about to say. " What happened there?" Tommy said approaching you, a cigarette hanging between his lips as he took your injured hand into his.

" Your horse bit me" you said bluntly pulling away from his hold, tears welling in your eyes at the latest exposed truth in Tommy's cruel unstoppable mission to torment you.

" Well did you upset him?" Tommy chuckled as he stroked down his horse, whispering words into his ear.

" Fuck off Tommy..." you said pushing past him, cradling your hand as you glanced one last time at the black barell still sitting on the side, a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by your husband.

"What did you just say, eh?!" Tommy shouted as he stormed out the barn grabbing the object Harry had found, placing it in his coat pocket. " Hey! What the fucks a matter with you?" Tommy said as he caught up to you, taking you by your wrist.

" You killed my horse!" you said turning around, pushing him away from you.

" Fucking hell" Tommy muttered under his breath. " Darling, we've already gone through this. Yes, I shot her, she was lame"

" She wasn't though, was she Tommy? Is that what you do? Drug and kill when something becomes an inconvenience to you?" you shouted letting the information you had learnt slip out as Tommy tilted his head in response. You had read more than his black book, he quickly thought to himself. "You're a bastard " You said bringing your hand up to slap him, when he grabbed you by your arm.

" I wouldn't do that if I was you darling. You're In no place to judge me. Not with the news I received last night. You want to tell me about it or shall I just wait until I get confirmation tomorrow hm?"

" Don't know what you're talking about Tommy, didn't see it written down in that secret little book of yours. You're slipping!" you shouted back, refusing to answer his question, your own anger at his twisted behaviour boiling over.

" Tut tut tut, well haven't you been busy. Have you been going through my things sweetheart? Tommy said pulling you into him, his eyes piercing down at you.

"Tommy lad!" Arthur shouted out the car window, honking the horn as he and John pulled up beside you. Letting go of you Tommy stepped back, turning to face his brothers.

" I need whisky, and a lot of it after the bellowing I just got from Esme" John said as he got out the car walking over to you both.

" That makes two of us. Must be a full moon tonight brother" Tommy replied with a laugh as he looked back at you with a smirk whilst him and John walked into the house.

" Y/N love, come on" Arthur said putting his arm around your shoulder as you reluctantly followed them in. The last thing you wanted to do was endure a night of watching the three of them all drink themselves into oblivion, but once again it looked like you had no choice in the matter.

For the past two hours you had been sitting on the sofa begrudgingly listening to John and Arthur talk about all the various women they had been with and men they had killed, tallying them up to see which one of them had the most, the whisky clearly doing the talking for them when the conversation turned even more graphic in every sense. But Tommy...he was quiet, he had barely uttered a word the entire time. Instead he had been watching you, staring at you relentlessly as he sipped on his whisky. One sharp look to him had him scoffing at you as he shook his head, downing the rest of his liquor whilst he walked over to you. Just as you reached for a glass of whisky yourself Tommy grabbed it from your hand, throwing the alcohol into the fire next to him.

" I don't think so Y/N" he said looking down at you as your face reddened in embarrassment.

" Here, I'll make you a gin and tonic" John said as he stood up, nearly falling over, the warm lull of the whisky numbing his movements.

" Or just the tonic" Tommy sneered as he stared you down once more before walking away.

" I'm fine John, thanks" you said as you collected your hair to one side, bringing your knuckles up to your mouth as your elbow rested on the arm of the sofa. He knew, he had to. Why hadn't he confronted you?

" Right, everyone shut up and take a look at this" Arthur said as he pulled out a gun. " Brand new, never been shot, acquired under... illegitimate circumstances" he sniggered, holding it up for everyone to see.

" Bloody hell here he goes again, nobody cares about your new gun Arthur" John laughed as he leant back into his armchair looking up at the ceiling.

" Well I bloody care!" Arthur replied stubbornly as John continued to laugh." Y/N, take a look. Beautiful ain't it?" Arthur said as he walked over to you, presenting it like someone would their newborn child.

" Yeh, it's erh...nice Arthur" you replied smiling back to him.

" You ever held a gun before Y/N?"

"No" you shook your head as he held it out for you take.

" Go on, hold it, she won't bite" Arthur chuckled as Tommy and John watched on. " Heavier than you'd think ay?

" It is" you said, surprised by the weight of the cool piece of metal in your hand. "What does this do?" you asked as your thumb rested over a small lever at the top.

" Ooh, no no don't touch that" he laughed looking back to his brothers. " That's the safety, we don't want to shoot anyone's balls off tonight" he chuckled as he clicked it up and down showing you how it worked. " Hold it like this" Arthur motioned to you as your eyes quickly darted to Tommy leaning against the mantle of the fireplace, his chin lifted as his eyes narrowed in on you, watching your every move. "Good" he praised as he helped you up, turning you to look at yourself in the mirror hanging on the wall. " We'll soon make a Peaky out of you" Arthur laughed winking to you as he walked off in search of more whisky.

Lowering your hand you looked at your reflection in the mirror as Tommy walked behind you, wrrapping his hand around your stomach.

"Like this" your husband said, placing his hand over yours, moving your finger under the trigger as he raised it back up to both of your reflections.

" Bang" he said quietly in your ear, aiming the gun at your heart in the mirror as his thumb rubbed over your stomach. " You think you could take a life sweetheart?" he asked as he turned his head into your neck, his lips inches from your skin.

" If my own was in danger" you replied turning to face him, a tear falling down your face. He was scaring you, his questions leaving an unsettling feeling in your stomach.

" Your life's never been in danger darling" he said as he lowered the gun in your hand, his other coming up to brush the tear from your cheek.

" But everyone I have known or loves me life is" you replied as you freed your hand from under his. "Tommy why, why would you do that to my mother?" You quietly sobbed as you stared back at him, searching his eyes for an answer, the first to finally break.

"You're tired Y/N, you don't know what you're talking about. Come on let's go to bed" Tommy replied ignoring your questions as he took your hand.

" No. Stop treating me like a child Tommy, answer me. Everything was perfect, but you just couldn't stop yourself, why?" You asked as you pulled your hand away from him stepping back.

" We'll talk about it tomorrow? Now come on" he said taking back your hand as you resisted once more. " You're making a scene Y/N. Do you really want to do this in front of everyone?" He said through gritted teeth as he placed his palm on your lower back pushing you with him to the door as you shook your head in response, reluctantly following him. The last thing you wanted to do was anger him, you knew what would happen if you did, and with your mother being in a vulnurable situation you feared what he would do next. " We're going to bed" Tommy announced as he put Arthur's gun down on the coffee table, his brothers chuckling in resposne.

" Alright Tom boy. Nighty night, have fun" Arthur smiled as he pulled a black barell out his jacket attaching it to his gun.

" What's that?" You said stopping, pulling your hand from Tommy as you turned to face Arthur.

"Y/N, come on" Tommy insisted his grip on your back firmly pushing you forward.

" It's a silencer love, so our little...missions go unheard" Arthur replied as you was half-way out the door when you turned to look at Tommy, his eyes darting between you and Arthur as he cleared his throat. A silencer. It looked identical to the object Harry had found in the barn. Why would there be a silencer in the stables? Tommy's sudden uneasy behaviour had you quickly believing whatever the reason was it was to do with him.

Sitting at the small kitchen table the next morning you buried your head in you arms. Another restless night, two days of almost no sleep, you was barely able keep your head up. Not only was you worried for your mother you had this ongoing feeling in you stomach that something wasn't right. The way Tommy reacted last night when you saw Arthur's silencer had unsettled you. Looking up at the clock you realised you was only a few hours away from the appointment Tommy had made for you, one you knew you had know way of avoiding. Tommy would soon learn you had been keeping the news of your pregnancy from him. Would he go easy on you with his punishment, now you was carrying his child? A part of you already believed he knew your was pregnant, the small touches to your stomach his eyes lingering on your belly, the remarks he would make. What you didn't understand was why he hadn't said anything, what was he waiting for?

" Would you like some tea Mam, let me serve you a cup in the dinning room" Frances said as she walked into the kitchen with an armful of items.

" Oh, no thank you Frances, I quite like being in here watching you all" you said as you lifted your head, the busy noise from the kitchen calming your nerves.

" Mr Shelby will be waiting for you though"

" Let him wait" you said as you brushed your hair back from your face as she gave you a small smile, placing the items on the table in front of you.

" Frances...where did you find that?" You said as you reached your hand out to a small bottle she had placed on the counter.

" In the guest room Mam, I've only just got round to putting it away"

" Which guest room?" You questioned as you held the bottle in your hand, your leg bouncing up and down at the sudden surge of anxiety coursing through your limbs.

" The small one, where Mr Shelby slept when he was sick" she replied as she scrunched her brow at the tears now welling in your eyes, your head shaking in disbelief. The bottle was still sealed, Tommy never took the medicine the doctor prescribed him that night. He let himself get sick. The silencer, the medicine, the vague explanation he gave that night...it suddenly all made sense. He shot himself.

"Mam are you ok?" Frances asked as she reached her hand out to you when you abruptly stood up, bolting out the kitchen into the foyer. Your head was spinning, the sudden realisation of events churning your stomach as a crescendo of panic overwhelmed you. He shot himself, the sick bastard shot himself. He said he was coming back from the stables that night. The same stables where harry just so happened to find the strange black object as he was clearing out the barn, the object you now knew was a silencer made for a gun. He shot himself in almost the exact same place from a previous bullet wound. He knew he wouldn't die, he survived it once he would survive it again. As you tried to make sense of everything, the words Tommy left you with that night suddenly rang in your ears "You will learn to love me again". The man who would stop at nothing to keep you under his control, to keep you hoping for the boy he once was executed the most ultimate act of desperation for your love.

Running to the phone you frantically tried to form a clear sentence to the operator on the end of the line as you desperately asked her to put you through to Polly.

" Yes Miss Polly Gray, try Watery la..." You started to say when you felt a warm hand take the receiver from you, placing it back down onto the table.

" What are you doing love?" Tommy said, breathing against the back of your neck as you slowly turned around to face him, his eyes boring into you as he watched the tears fall down your face.

" Stay away from me, you fucking stay away from me!" you shouted at him as you walked backwards to the front door.

"Y/N" he warned you, unable to hold back the smirk forming on the corner of his mouth.

" You sick twisted bastard!" You screamed as your back hit the large wooden door.

" Now I know you didn't mean that " he replied pointing at you as he started walking slowly towards you. Turning around you fumbled to undo the lock, pushing it with force as your ran out the house down to the bottom of the path.

" Should we go after her?" one of Tommy's men said stood in the foyer.

" No leave her, she won't get far" Tommy replied as he lit a cigarette walking out the front door. " Come back inside darling, it's cold!" he shouted as he watched you run to the large gate at the end of the drive pushing it back and forth as you tried to open it. " It's locked sweetheart" he said as he approached behind you like you would a wild horse.

" Get away from!" You cried as you started walking along the fence in the hopes of finding an exit.

" Alright then, we'll go on a little walk eh?" Tommy chuckled as he caught up with you, reaching his hand out for you to take as if you was going on a romantic stroll through the countryside. Slapping it away you glared at him as he laughed in response, amused by the whole situation.

" Stay away from me Tommy. You're fucking insane! What kind of person shoots themselves for their wife's sympathy" you said as Tommy grabbed you by the arm spinning you around to face him.

" You're loosing it sweetheart if you've convinced yourself of that"

" You're not so clever Tommy, I figured it out. Harry found the silencer in the barn. You shot yourself that night and you didn't take the medicine the doctor prescribed. Why...because you couldn't stand the fact I hated you, so you forced me to take pity on you, to give you a second chance, forced me to feel something for you again. You seethed, pushing his hand away as you stormed off.

" Think you've been reading too many novels darling" Tommy chuckled as he caught up to you, standing in your path, mirroring your movements with each step you tried to make.

" Im so stupid, I can't believe I fell for it. Fell for your lies" you said coming to a stop, brushing the tears from your cheeks.

" Lies? I never lied that night Y/N, when I told you that you kept me alive, kept me going in France I meant it.

" So much that you've been following me for the past decade. You're a freak Tommy!" You said as you pushed past him.

"Yeh alright, I admit it. Guilty" he replied putting his hands up in a mock gesture as he jogged up to where you was again " You did something to me in France, put a spell on me, bewitched me" he said with a smirk on his face as you scoffed at the ridiculous excuse for his madness.

" And my mother Tommy, what did she do to deserve your cruelness?"

" Your mother is fucking crazy, maybe it's genetic" he replied looking at you from head to toe, insinuating you was also" Your dear mother was being sedated because she was pissing everyone off, trying to escape the facility she was in, causing hell for all the doctors and nurses. But that's no longer a problem. She saw a new doctor you see, one found by me. She's been declared clinically insane, now she will spend the rest of her days locked up in the local madhouse." he viciously stated, knowing how much the news would anger you.

Grabbing the gun from his holster you pushed him away as you raised it to his face, your whole body shaking as tears blurred your vision. Chuckling, Tommy threw his cigarette on the ground, stubbing it out with his boot.

" You've got more attempted murders than me" Tommy laughed as he walked over to you, not caring you had a gun pointing straight at him. "Now give me the gun, we both know you're not gonna do anything"

" No!" You said pulling down the safety like Arthur had shown you, the expression on Tommy's face suddenly changing.

"What? You gonna shoot the father of that baby growing inside you" he said as he gestured to your stomach. " You're not so innocent Y/N are you, hm? Was quite the shock I had when one of my men told me you had visited that old hag in London. Was you going to get rid of my child eh, my fucking child?!"

" I...no Tommy" you cried, feeling the barrier of the gun protecting you suddenly evaporating as you unconsciously lowered the pistol in your hand, your secret now spoken, exposed.

" You thought about it though. See, I was waiting for confirmation from a doctor since you wouldn't tell me yourself, but you just did that for me didn't you? Now what you're gonna do right.." he said as he pointed his finger at you, his face reddened by anger. "Is give me that gun. Then we'll go home and talk about this like adults" he ordered as he stepped forward.

" No!" You screamed back as you raised the pistol in your hand once more. " You've ruined my Life, you've taken away everyone i love and care about. I won't let you ruin this child's life as well! You cried as you stood your ground your whole body trembling as a surge of adrenaline rushed through you.

" Give me the fucking gun Y/N! " Tommy shouted as he stormed over to you. " Now!"

It happened so quickly, you didn't think twice about doing it, you weren't even sure you thought at all when your finger pressed down on the trigger sitting beneath your skin. With your eyes firmly shut you listened to the last echos of the gunshot fade around you, the distant sound of autumn leaves blowing in the wind, and then silence total silence as if for a brief moment the world stood still and watched as everything played out. Lowering the gun, a wave of relief left your body as you stood there, the chilled breeze of winter approaching cooling the anger within you. Peace had finally descended on the grounds of Arrow house, or had it?

" You missed..." you heard through the crisp country air, your eyes darting open to see your husband standing in front of you, staring you down. Dropping the gun in your hand you collapsed onto the ground below you in tears as you watched him charge towards you, pulling you up from the grass. " Anyone could have made that shot" he said as he grabbed your head between his hands. " Yet you missed, you missed! See, you love me Y/N. I knew you fucking loved me!" he said reasoning with his own madness, pressing his lips to yours, his hands wrapped tightly around you, the only thing holding you up as the life drained from you.

" Fuck.." he said letting go, sighing as all the anger he was holding in left him. " We're made for eachother Y/N. You and me. It was always meant to be" he said cupping your cheeks once again, as you nodded, crying tears you no longer thought you had left, giving in, no more strength left to tell him otherwise. Pressing his forehead to yours Tommy brought his hand down to your stomach, rubbing his thumb over the small swell under your dress.

" When this one is born, I'll put another in you then another until that whole house is filled" He smiled unnervingly as his eyes darted back to Arrow House in the distant. " You and me yeh, our own little family"

" Tommy, I..I want to go home" you said as you looked up at him your eyes pleading one last time to be free of him.

" This is your home sweetheart. You belong with me you've always belonged to me" he said pressing your head in his hands his eyes inches from yours. " I will never let you leave, never. You're mine Y/N"

He will never let you go. He will hunt you down and live forever through you...the words you heard all those months ago would now cruelly haunt you until your last breath. It was over, your childhood love was gone, there was nothing left of you. You were shackled to him for the rest of your life, bearing his children so his legacy could live on. The game had come to an end, the ultimate prize won. He had played by his own rules for so long there was only ever going to be one outcome. An unchangeable fate had been sealed from the very moment you had met, it was always going to end this way. For you and everyone else knew, Tommy Shelby always wins, always.

The end.

Tag list: @litteltourtius (unable to tag) @aesthetic0cherryblossom @swordofawriter @casa-boiardi @muhahaha303 @fmo166 @call-sign-shark @priyajoyy @gypsy-girl-08 @missbeeentertainment @cryptidscool (unable to tag) @warrior-of-justice @runnning-outof-time @camilleholland89 @amberpanda99 @scarwxrld @pleasant-meadow @fleurfatale89 (unable to tag) @strnqer @hope4rain19

[kaija-rayne-author]

Did Solas actually kill Felassan?

It's interesting to me that, as objectively bad as DAV is, Felassan was noticeably not in Solas's regrets.

Spoilers for all dragon age materials, games, comics, and books included.

Obligatory 'I'm not an asshole' disclaimer. Feel free to jump to the cut if you've read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I was on media blackout while I played DAV. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Note. None of my writing on DA, but especially DAV, is edited. This is just my off the cuff writing. I don't have the time, energy, or heart to edit them properly.

So did Solas kill Felassan? If you asked probably 99% of the fandom, they'd look at you funny and say 'of course'. You can call me deluded, it's fine. I legitimately don't care. I know that most people in this Fandom love to think Solas killed Felassan. (I have my theories on why, too, but that's another post.)

But ya know what? Solas would barely even be questioned if it were a modern setting. And unless the trial were rigged, he'd never be convicted of it. Yet the Fandom just loves to crucify the character.

I mean, there's plenty of other things he's definitely done that you can hate on if you want. He's never been all that shy in admitting he's a bloody handed rebellion leader. I think if he'd actually killed his friend, it would've been one of his biggest regrets. It's not like the elf has very many FFS. And I think he would've sadly admitted it too, if anyone had asked.

So why don't I think Solas killed Felassan?

There. Is. No. Proof.

So, look. I have a background in bioanthropology and forensic chemistry. Crime scene work. I honestly think the whole thing about Solas and Felassan is a Weekes twist.

1. It doesn't make sense that Solas killed someone who was spoken of as his friend. Not someone who served him.

2. Would Solas be capable of it? Yes. He's an antihero character. As such, he's capable of killing even a romanced Lavellan if she gets in his way. That's what an antihero does, they (usually, when written with any sort of competency) have a Goal TM. The only thing that can be allowed to matter to a true anti-hero character, before the goal is complete, is The Goal. I just don't think Solas actually did it.

3. I didn't want to believe Solas had killed Felassan. (Feel free to let me know, politely, if there was incontrovertible evidence in Veilguard, cause no way in hell am I playing it again unless someone pays me. A lot. It won't really matter to me, because DAV doesn't exist and is not Canon as far as I'm concerned because of the bad writing and disrespect of the Lore.) But you can tell me if he actually admits it or is shown doing the deed somewhere. So I went searching and analyzed everything. I can't find a lick of substantial proof that Solas definitely killed Felassan.

4. But it also tickled all those old crime stuff senses I spent so long training to do. My kids think I'm hilarious to watch true crime with, because I scoff at everything authorities missed re:evidence, a lot of the time. I have a gift for it, and misogyny drove me out of STEM.

Anywaaaayyyy.

Weekes has said several times that they love to write the kind of twist that 'was right in front of you the whole time'.

I don't honestly think Solas killed Felassan. And I have actual reasons why. Other than, I didn't want my blorbo to have done that. It just doesn't make sense. I don't generally have a problem with anti-hero characters being murderous fucks in pursuit of their goal, because literarily, that's kinda part of their purpose as an archetype.

Do feel free to look all this up for yourself, I have annoted notes on it all, but the big bad happened in Masked Empire. Felassan is an interesting character, I enjoyed reading the book (3x).

Motive: Felassan didn't get the key to the Eluvians to give to whoever he served.

Actions: Felassan knew he'd be killed for disobedience. He catches a rabbit, roasts it, gives himself a last meal, considers staying awake to avoid his employer, and decides an ancient Elvhen needs more courage than a 'stripling human'.

He tosses herbs on the fire, lays down, and dreams.

He wakes in the Fade in the same wintery forest he went to sleep in. He feels his dangerous employer nearby and starts talking.

He tells employer that he didn't get the key, which is a fib, because he chose to not take the key from a young elf he mentored.

He senses his employer knows that's a lie.

He tells employer he feels the modern elves deserve a chance.

He compares Briala, his mentee, a decidedly 'defines self as woman/female elf', to employer.

Employer crunches through leaves behind him.

'He never felt the blow that killed him'.

It never, anywhere, says 'Solas killed him'.

1. Felassan's body wouldn't be dead, it would be tranquil and still asleep in the cold forest he went to sleep in. That's what happens when a spirit is killed or separated from their body in the fade. This is deeply established Lore (as is the fact that tranquility is cureable.) Solas, even on a technicality, couldn't have killed Felassan cause he's tranquil, not dead.

2. Felassan compared a decidedly female elf to his employer. Solas isn't straight for any reason but misplaced 'avoid evil bisexual trope'. He was originally written as bi, but he's definitely more on the masc side of things, gender and sex wise. (You could make a case for him to be non-binary too, that would make a lot of sense, but that's a headcanon, not proof.)

3. Wolves move silently through bracken, like dried leaves. And all throughout DAI, Solas is shown as pretty graceful and easy moving. It's not hard to walk relatively quietly, if you're abled, through dry leaves. You'd kinda have to not care to crunch through them. Or want someone to hear you coming, which is a very un-Solas like power move. "He comes in humble guises".

4. Felassan wears Mythal’s Valleslin.

So, quick side jaunt on the Vallaslin. They aren't just pretty decorations. They're not make-up. They're called 'blood writing' and heavily implied as a method of control over the branded Elvhen by the Evanuris in the Lore.

So. By wearing Mythal’s Valleslin, he's sworn to her, and likely serves her.

Mythal is also a dreamer. (Or even lives in the fade like a lot of other Evanuris did.) It's implied in the Lore, that almost all ancient Elvhen were somniari, and definitely all of the Evanuris. She's still in Flemyth at the time of the murder. Flemyth hasn't ever been very pleasant and, y'know, not murderous. If you've played through all three games, the ones that actually were good, written decently, and that mostly followed the Lore? You'd know Flemyth isn't an awesome person. Mythal is even bloody worse.

Whatever you think of Solas as a character, he doesn't outright lie except for once in DAI. During WEWH. (Obscure, obfuscate, deflect, mislead, yes! Outright lie, based on the dictionary and philosophical definition of a lie, no.) And I don't believe in the 'lie by omission' nonsense. Why everyone thinks they have the right to know every little thing about someone else immediately is beyond me.

All circumstantial evidence points toward Mythal and away from Solas. (Except people love to hate Solas, so of course, everything a decidedly not awesome ancient, uber powerful mage with a god complex does is his fault. Makes perfect sense because he's eeeeevvvvviiiillll. Ripest of Sarcasm and glares at Epler, Creative Director of DAV. )

Solas has also been shown to be someone who listens to his few friends. He listens to Inky, Varric, and Bull a few times in DAI. So it's also odd that Felassan's employer wouldn't even consider listening. That Felassan knew he'd die rather than be listened to. Felassan is Solas's friend, ergo, he'd have been likely to at least listen.

Solas is also shown as someone honourable 'I have distracted you from your duty, it won't happen again'. 'I wouldn't lay with her under false pretenses'. When you're honourable, you kill an enemy face to face, not a stab in the back. Mythal? Yeah, she missed the honourable boat by oceans.

Oh! But what about Cole's line in Tresspasser?

To be completely frank, so many of Cole's comments are 19th/20th/21st century TV, game, movie, and book references, I don't know why anyone gives his commentary any weight at all.

So, Cole's line is, "His friend had to die. Because he thought they were people. A slow arrow breaks in a sad wolf's jaws"

You could take it on face value, sure. But, you'll pardon me if I think it's silly for anything Cole says to be considered fact on face value alone.

So let's break it down, assuming (possibly incorrectly) that this comment has anything to do with Solas.

His friend had to die. Sure, I guess? But this doesn't tell us who killed him. Simply that Solas knows Felassan is dead. And again, Felassan is referred to as Solas's 'friend'. Not servitor. Not employee. Friend.

Because he thought they were people. Unless I'm mistaken, the 'real people' line is another one of Cole's, just from DAI, not Tresspasser, so we're making an even weaker case by stacking a comment of Cole's upon another comment of Cole's. Talk about confusing. Also, Real people was a tv show. Real People (TV Series 1979-1983)

It could also easily be social commentary on the dehumanization of people in... so many ways and cultures historically and even up to today.

A slow arrow is definitely a literary reference.

"THE SLOW ARROW OF BEAUTY. The noblest kind of beauty is that which does not transport us suddenly, which does not make stormy and intoxicating impressions such a kind easily arouses disgust but that which slowly filters into our minds."

Friedrich Nietzsche

"Fate's Arrow, when expected, travels slow."

Dante Alighieri

So if it’s a Dante reference, Weekes is alluding to Fate. If Nietzsche, Beauty.

Based on the fact that so many of Cole's comments are references, I'm going forward assuming 'slow arrow' to be a reference.

Beauty/Fate breaks in a sad wolf's jaws.

The veil is considered beautiful, and Solas is intent on destroying it (because in the Lore, it's actually destroying Thedas, sucking the life and magic out of it. Which would matter, John Epler, a lot! *bombastic side eye*)

It could also be a reference to Lavellan in a romanced Lavellan playthrough. Solas destroyed or rejected the beauty of love. Or even fated love, by leaving her behind.

Sad wolf is also a literary reference. Likely to one of these poems. (Given our degrees, Weekes and I probably had to take very similar classes. I originally went to uni to be an English teacher.)

"The Wolf" by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Lo! the calm moon comes forth!—The sad wolf howls!

He seeks his fellow in the hungry night.

With fiery eye—how red his mouth is!—howl

The lonely wolf, for, lo!—he is not there.

So if we want to go with Tennyson, the reference could imply that Solas tried to help Felassan... which, yeah. Mythal is also a twat of epic proportions. That wouldn't have worked.

This quote feels relevant to me. "The wolves in the woods have sharp teeth and long claws, but it’s the wolf inside who will tear you apart."

Jennifer Donnelly

Sad wolf could then be a reference to Solas's feelings. If Felassan was his friend, he'd be pretty torn apart by his death, no matter how it happened. Yet, it's still not among his regrets in DAV. Even though an entire story in Tevinter Nights is focused on his regrets surrounding his time in the Inquisition. (IIRC Felassan isn't mentioned there, either.)

From a literary perspective, this one also feels relevant.

The wolf changes his coat, but not his disposition.

Traditional proverb

Solas is many things, but he's always Solas. Why would he do something so out of character as kill a close friend? (I'll even tell you a motive for why *Solas* might’ve killed Felassan. It's well established in Solas's character that he abhors betrayal. I suppose you could technically call Felassan's support of Briala a betrayal.) Still doesn't make sense to me. Because it actually is out of character for Solas to hurt what few friends he actually has. But, enh, you could call it motive. Do NOT get me started on the ham-handed writing and the fate of Varric Tethras in DAV. Epler has already said they only had him in the game so Solas could kill him and it would make the player hate Solas more. Didn’t matter to Epler whether it was in character or not. And it's not. Solas saves Varric in the comics. Numerous times.

1. That failed. Ugh. What a shit end for Varric. An author killed by bad writing.

2. Fucking bad writing ruined DAV.

I've rambled enough. I guess my point is that I'd love it if more people would think about things they saddle heavily neurodivergently coded characters with. It's not harmless.

The very first demographic blamed for a violent crime are neurodivergent people. Usually, the first is Autistic people. (We're almost hardwired to not hurt people. We tend to be the white knight tilting at windmills type. It takes a lot to push one of us to violence.) It can be done, but to automatically assume it's an autist is ableist and harmful.

The second group blamed are the mentally ill.

Statistics don't support that either. Neurodivergent people are guilty of 3% of violent crime. All the rest of the 97% is on all you neurotypicals.

Blah, blah, recovering from pulmonary embolism, partner recovering from broken back, money is tight if you've anything to spare. www.kaijarayne.com

[freeluigihesbae]

an announcement

i saw this fic bookmarked under an author's page. i had just read and commented under a fic of theirs and out of curiosity, i scrolled through their bookmarks to see this. i clicked to read to convince myself it wasn't what i thought it was, but unfortunately, it was.

there are certain things we can write, the extreme being smut between two people who can be entirely unrelated. step-sibling smut is probably the most we can push boundaries because some people aren't comfortable but the lack of blood relation is what makes it acceptable. i might not write it myself but i'm find with seeing it.

i clicked on this fic and i skimmed words in the first few sentences and i instantly closed my page. it was so disgusting. it was exactly what you're thinking (and frankly what the tags say it is). smut. about two brother who MIND YOU went through heavy sexual assault because of their parents. this goes beyond dead dove and fucked up.

what's worse are the comments. there are people cheering this fic on calling the portrayals of lyle and erik to be "hot" and "sexy." hell if these people were fantasizing about the brother individually fucking themselves, i wouldn't care. instead, these are comments people are making about a fictional setting in which both brothers are fucking each other?

it's disgusting to make sibling incest and even more deplorable when you make it about two brother who were destroyed by their parents and especially their father. i am so so so disappointed. i am so disappointed we are taking pleasure in things that are so screwed up and fucked up.

i commented earlier on a post @luigis-wetdream i believe had either made or re-blogged which i responded to talking about underage boys/children were being thirsted over. it's relevant here because erik is portrayed to be 15 in this fic but grows older and i just cannot. i cannot fathom or understand this in any capacity.

this fic has 106 comments and i can't help but wish hell upon every single one of the people who enjoyed it and further encouraged the author to continue. it's worth noting the author made themselves anonymous, obviously because they knew what the fuck they were writing was deplorable and absolutely criminal.

i have been an advocate for the menendez brothers starting halfway through 2024 and after understanding the facts of their case, i had a very clear view about documentaries that were made to profit from their case. a great example is the monsters show made about them - nic chavez and cooper koch were actors however the brothers were sadly portrayed in ways they should NOT have been during the course of the show.

what i want to highlight are the several problematic angles that come to light when you read the fic's tags. i was desperate to be proven wrong when i clicked on it but i closed my tab instantly. this is so disgusting and if you are one of the people quietly enjoying these things, you are a part of the problem and reason why some people still don't support the brothers.

it's not just about the fact they may have splurged after killing their parents, but some people believe they had sexual proclivities with each other which is further propagated by shit like this fic. 11 chapters? 1 chapter is bad enough but how do you come up with this much disgusting, vomit-inducing filth about those poor brothers?

i do not expect to speak much about them on this account because it's mainly for luigi and fics i'm writing for him but i just had to give a very strong warning for anyone who takes fics like these lightly, excusing it by saying "it's just fiction."

if it's just fiction, it should tell you about what this person and the people commenting accept. life is not a fucking fantasy. these are the same people who would gag if they saw two siblings make-out in front of them.

or maybe they wouldn't. i don't know. this made me feel so disgusting i wanted to throw my computer across the room.

there was a parent/child incest tag and i didn't know what to do other than write my feelings out.

with that being said, i want to conclude by saying that i FULLY support the menendez brother and believe they should be freed. my heart aches for them and even though i might not talk about them on my own volition, feel free to leave comments or messages/inbox requests and i'm happy to discuss my thoughts about them, their case, or any other related items.

i felt it was important to highlight that people like this exist. just remember this person made themselves anonymous.

don't be the kind of person who has to hide because you're killing your conscience to indulge in something that feeds extremely sick and fucked up desires.

tagging the smut tags for both actors because this is extremely important for those readers to know about this.

thank you all. please continue to support the brothers. educate yourself on their case if you aren't adequately up to date.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Steve QJ

Published: May 6, 2024

A child’s first taste of power comes from their imagination. 

In the real world, they can't choose their bedtime or operate heavy machinery or eat unlimited ice cream. But in imagination-land, they can host dinner parties and perform lavish makeovers and pilot rockets into outer space. 

And best of all, they discover, they can make the grownups play along! 

We know there’s no tea in the teacups, we know their spaceships are made from cardboard, we know they lack the fine motor skills and colour palette knowledge to make us look beautiful, but we'll still drink their imaginary tea and swoon at their artlessly applied makeup and join them on their imaginary adventures.

Heck we’ll even fire schoolteachers for telling kids that Santa isn’t real.

We instinctively want children to enjoy a world where they get to make the rules. At least for a while. Because one day, inevitably, they'll have to grow up. 

Sadly, by the time kids get to college, imagination-land doesn’t offer much power. But as some students are figuring out, there’s an alternative.

After all, in the real world, kids don't decide whether they pass or fail or set U.S. foreign policy or control their college's investment practices.

But in protest land, you can demand a passing grade because the havoc you’re causing on campus has left you “unable to focus.” You can command their college president to “fold to [your] demands.” You can even dictate where your fellow students can and can't go. 

And best of all, if anyone refuses to play along, you can make imaginary allegations. 

Students who disagree with you become “agitators,” and “stochastic terrorists,” the hand-delivered catering you’re demanding from your I’ve-League college becomes “humanitarian aid,” the students who are practising their equally legitimate right to protest are “waving bananas around like settlers waving machine guns.”

As long as you’re shameless enough to say it with a straight face, hyperbole and disingenuousness can also be paths to power. 

The problem is, how does any of this bullying and dishonesty stop a single bomb from killing children in Gaza or a single bullet from killing innocent people in the West Bank? How does it free the hostages? How serious are these kids about the cause they claim to be fighting for?

And a little over a week ago, we got our answer.

Norman Finkelstein, a Jewish scholar who’s been supporting the Palestinian cause since before these students were born, suggested that they drop, or at least change, their infamous chant, “From the river to the sea.” 

He argued that slogans like these can easily be interpreted as a call for Israel's destruction instead of for Palestinian independence. And with the eyes of the world watching, with the lives of the Palestinian people at stake, this small change could make a meaningful difference:

...if you’re saying to me I’m a killjoy by saying that if we modify the slogan a little it’s not as much fun, I kind of get that. However, I do believe one has to exercise, […] if for no other reason than for the people of Gaza, one has to exercise maximum responsibility.  Maximum responsibility to get out of one’s navel, to crawl out of one’s ego, and to always keep in mind the question, ‘what are we trying to accomplish at this particular moment?’

And here, at last, the students showed what they were made of. They put their egos aside, chose meaningful discourse over a “fun” slogan, and agreed to speak in a way that would bring people together instead of driving them apart.

Just kidding.

Finkelstein barely had time to finish speaking before they started chanting, “From the river to the sea.” 

Maybe it’s that same instinct to humour childrens' efforts, but there’s this notion that all activism is "valid." 

That every political issue can be reduced to a battle between good and evil. That it’s mean, or worse, boomer-esque, to ask how a specific plan of activism will led to results.

And so we end up with activists who never learn to think beyond "tearing it all down," as a student at UCLA explains:

…it’s more than divestment […] given that the University of California is founded on colonialism, it’s inherently a violent institution. There needs to be an addressment (sic) of U.S. imperialism and its ties to the UC system…

But to be very clear, I don’t blame the protestors for this. 

It’s the grownups’ job to set boundaries and structure. To help children think about the world in nuanced and constructive terms. To show them, preferably by example, that there’s a better way to communicate than name-calling and absolutism.

Because, sure, it’s fun to yell and grandstand and chant edgy slogans. It's empowering to turn complex issues into your hero’s journey. It's tempting to claim that everybody who disagrees with you is cruel and stupid and out of touch.

But one day, if you want to make the world a better place, you have to grow up.

==

They're stupid children playing dress-ups and make-believe to satisfy their own need to feel important.

[kuu-stuff]

Working with teens/young adult who lived with horrible parent, I noticed how little anyone do for them, whatever it's the people working at those places that let them come in after school to socialize, their assigned therapists, any adult around them who knows about their lives and it always makes me so angry, I could never work in a place like this again. And it always boil down to "If we take them away from their parents they will have to grow all alone with no attachement, so maybe a little bit of abuse if okay". And I understand the sentiment but I can't help but think that it would be better growing up all alone in the world and have to fight for oneself, than to live with people who are supposed to love and protect you but who hate you and hurt you constantly. What kind of person do you think that kid will become ? Alone they will have a better chance at loving themselves and doing what is in their best interest, even if they do feel like they don't belong to this world and that nobody cares if they succeed or not. I never experienced the kind of violence some of those kids go through, but living with a single mother, removed from any other family member, always hearing how she want to kill me every time she's angry, her beating me, throwing me outside, telling me she doesn't want me or that my birth was a punishment, that she's ashamed that other parents would see that I'm her daughter, that she'd let her future husband be sadistic to me, making me eat in dog bowls and whatever, all while being so soft and nice to my siblings... It fucked me up bad. And she was a cool and nice mom a lot too ! She cooked well, we'd talk about interesting stuff, she'd watch shows and movies with me, get me nice clothes and pay for classes and all... But I'm 30 now and literally can't be normal to save myself. Because if your parents feel that way about you, certainly everyone else do too, and no matter how much you repeat to yourself that it's not true and that it's all in my head and that it was never my fault, you just can't trust anyone and you're freaked out no matter if you talk to strangers or your own friends. Because it feels beyond people not caring about me, it feels like I hurt people by existing and it's something very hard to fight. And of course as an adult, other adults can't relate, can't understand why you act and feel the way you do, and I think that's a part of the problem. They see kids who survived abuse and they think, well they had way more chances in life than the kids who had no family so they should just shut up and pull themselves up by their bootstraps, and then keep closing their eyes on cases that are "not that bad". But as adults, people who survived abuse know that nobody will save them now when nobody saved them back as kids. They live hiding themselves and their feelings, always relativising their situation because some kids had it worse. I'm just tired of people feeling like kids belong to their parents, that "some parents have it hard so sadly it can't be helped". Those kids will never grow up being normal adults. They will never feel like they deserve anything and they will never feel like they will be ever cared for. I have a friendly relationship with my mother now, I don't even hate her ex who tormented me as well, and I get it that it's nice to have a family you can count on if you're in a very bad situation. But I AM not normal. And now I don't think that I will ever be. Maybe I have someone to save me from the streets, sure , but I wouldn't let myself down so hard to be afraid to end up in the streets if I wasn't told that I'm a disgusting and vile burden most of my life in the first place. You just don't understand the impact it has on people's brain. If I had even just one person who'd be concerned and who could talk to me about those things growing up, explaining that I'm okay and that none of this was my fault, maybe it would have been different. I to this day remember a teacher who called my parents cruel back when I was 9 and it makes me feel like at least someone cared.

[flowerpotmage]

I'm hopping on anon for this because it might get too specific (← is definitely exaggerating)and uh. I'm paranoid lol

I have a lot of trouble coming up with anything to say about the whole creativity problem, because I'm on the exact same boat, even down to the abandoning fandom thing. and sadly know plenty of other people in that same position. and I feel, I guess, that big sibling urge to give solutions that would make the problem just disappear, and make everything better. but it's like… impossible, because I can't give you the answers I haven't reached myself.

if it helps any, I don't think there's any pressure to continue or not. this isn't exactly something you can fix or take control over. and as much as we, as readers, want to give support and make it better by showing love and appreciation, it just… doesn't really help in giving the nudge, and getting that mental hurdle out. because all it takes is that one single instance of someone showing distaste or critique, for it to become ingrained and for us to question every single decision. it's especially disheartening when it reaches the point of you looking at something, detesting it, but knowing deep down that if this was done by someone else in the exact same way, you'd be thinking it's amazing.

hardcore fan of tgbd, currently my favourite fic ever, and I'll just say, no pressure and no hard feelings over whatever happens. we're already so incredibly lucky that you shared as much of this amazing story as you did, and I don't think any of us want to see you experiencing emotional anguish over it. even if it comes down to getting one update a year, or the fic being abandoned altogether.

I totally get it. I always want to have the perfect thing to say, especially about things I've experienced myself and it kills me when I don't have the right thing to say that'll just fix it.

all it takes is that one single instance of someone showing distaste or critique, for it to become ingrained and for us to question every single decision.

It's awful bc this^ is exactly what I'm struggling with!! Like I know I posted about the whole RSD + creativity scar thing but oof!! And especially difficult bc there's all these studies about how humans might be wired to remember negatives more than positives as an old survival mechanism but like..... Come ON. It doesn't help, of course, that I have a hard time internalizing compliments being for me, no matter the context or what is being complimented. It's very silly.

But yeah, I just like... idk my biggest struggle is that TGBD has a very special place for me and I remember the excitement and the ideas and the way I was feeling about it and how invested I was (and am) in the characters, but I just haven't been able to get the words flow and then I start overthinking about how it'll be seen and it's....... It's a weird place to be, emotionally and psychologically.

I don't intend to abandon it, that's for sure, but I'm like just... Trying to let it breath, I guess?

Regardless, I really appreciate this ask 💚 knowing someone else has been in the same boat at any point in time and understands really makes me feel a bit better about the struggle haha

[bambification987]

Good thing it was revised and he then supported the 13th amendment we have now, meaning the "original" 13th amendment doesn't exist and is totally irrelevant to any conversation happening now.

"But someone from an entirely different era in human history *may have* supported an imaginary policy I don't like! That makes him COMPLETELY EVIL AND RACIST!"

Thats how you sound right now.

There hasn't been a president that hasn't bombed the fuck out of someplace or other since we invented dropping bombs out of planes. That unfortunately comes with the title, and sadly there's no way in the modern world to get through 4 years as the president without being forced to drone-strike children, because capitalism requires violence. That sucks, absolutely. Im not supporting that, I fucking hate it, but you have to wake the fuck up at some point and smell that all the pretty flowers here are watered with blood.

If you hate bombings overseas, then you have a problem with most presidents ever, its not about Obama, thats just a cheap cop out to single him out. Obama didn't do any more or less than Bush, or anyone before him, he just had better weapons, thats it. Bigger bombs and better guns kill more people, who knew? Trump killed people too, where's your outrage about the bombs Trump dropped? What about Biden? Biden literally sold Is-not-real missiles to kill civilians with. Instead, you are stuck 8 years in the past, bitching about Obama as if he's made a single decision in almost a decade.

Despite this, you specifically hate the first Black president for some reason, even though none of your complaints are actually about him directly. Almost like you can't specify that it's actually just racism or your whole "argument" falls apart. The only president in 50 years to keep his promises and leave the country better than he found it, and you think he's literally an evil villain because he... did everything every president does (but better) while black.

Its just racism. Put the shovel down and stop digging yourself a hole.

Edit: Obama deported more people because his government actually functioned, so people were processed at more than a snails pace. As much as I believe that everyone deserves a chance to come here, illegally crossing the border is still illegal, and even the most perfect president ever would be deporting people because that's how laws work, stupid. Under Obama there were at least efforts to keep families together and treat them with some amount of dignity, no such thing can be said for Trump, Biden, or Bush. You're mad at Obama for deporting people, but you don't seem to have anything to say about Trump gutting legal immigration, putting up razorwire fences, building concentration camps, and placing thousands more armed soldiers at the border, so that those people can never come back legally or otherwise.

Daily reminder: Lincoln and Obama were bad people !

[tommydarlings]

I Can't Help Falling In Love With You | t.h

A/N: Okay, wow. Tbh, I'm really proud of this and I hope you like it as much as I do! :) (when this flops, then I'm gonna slide down the suislide :D) anyway, enjoy! :) ily,liz <3

pairing: mob!tom x mob!reader

warnings: smut (fem + male receiving) swearing, unprotected sex, daddy-kink, blowjob, choking, violent actions

w/c: 5.1k (omg)

Requests: CLOSED

Summary: The leader of the London Mafia is the devil in person and you would do everything you can to end him, wouldn't you?

masterlist || taglist || requests ( in my masterlist)

"I'm not gonna talk to him father!" I yelled at my dad.

"Why?! It's strictly about business anyway!" he yelled back at me. "I'm sorry father, but I'm not gonna talk to the devil in disguise" i said in a slightly calmer voice. "It's just for a few minutes and it's strictly about the mob, okay? He won't hurt you or something" my dad answerd. After a while of thinking about it, I agreed.

"Just for a few minutes and not more" i said quietly.

"yes, thank you y/n" i just nodded with my head before I made my way into the huge conference room where the devil should be.

I hate this man. I could kill him. The problem is… he could kill me too… in seconds.

Thomas Stanley motherfucking Holland.

And now I should go to him and try to make a deal with him, that's gonna be fun. Probably we can't even start to talk about the deal because we're just gonna argue. Like usual.

I opened the door and didn't even looked up to look if he was here yet-

"Well hello darling"

Fuck.

"Hello Thomas" I said with a fake smile.

"I already told that you can call me Tom babygirl" he said.

"And I already told you that you should stop calling me these nicknames because I don't like them" I told him. "Well guess what baby, I don't give a single shit about it" he said with a wide smile.

I just scoffed and shook my head before I sat down on one of the chairs in the room. Tom sat down on the chair at the exact opposite of me.

"So, let's talk about the deal, okay?"

"Okay" Tom nodded.

---

1 week later, after we finally finished the deal, I could relax and went into the library in our mansion. Most of the time I don't even have time to read, but when I got time then I use it and read a few pages of my favorite books. It's something that kinda brings me back into the real world and calms me down quickly. So I don't want to get disturbed.

But of course something- no, someone had to disturb me.

"Hello darling" thomas said as he entered the library with both of his hands in the pockets of his black coat.

"What do you want Holland" I spat back angrily.

"Honestly? You"

I was frozen for a second. It's not that I like him or anything, like i already said, I absolutely hate this man, but he is attractive, i can't deny that. No women can deny that.

"Cat caught your tongue babydoll?" he whispered quietly in my ear from behind. Of course I had to stay infront of the bookshelf with my back to him right now.

"Hmm?" he said in my ear again while I was still pretty frozen.

"get the fuck out of my way Tom" I said with a slightly nervous voice. Suddenly he put both of his arms on my shoulders and slowly traced his fingertips down my arms. I literally started to shiver as he said that,

"pretty little thing" he whisper right in my ear and left a gently peck on the side of my neck. Then he put both of his hands in mine and slowly rubbed this thumb over my hand.

And I let him. I fucking let him.

"I know that you like it baby, I know it" he whispered in the back of my neck before he started to leave kisses at the side of my neck. He was so gentle and soft. His lips were so warm and they felt so fucking good, wait what-

"Okay, stop" I said as I turned around and pushed him away.

"That's sad, it looked like you really enjoyed it darling" he said while he slowly approached me again. As he took the first step forward, I took one backwards but then I remembered that my back is already against the shelf.

Well fuck.

As he stood infront of me, he put both of his hands next to my head and leaned really close. Our noses were nearly touching.

"You don't have to lie to me princess, you know? And when you really wanna test me, then I dare you to do that, we both know that I'm gonna win babydoll" he whispered quietly while he looked me deep in the eyes.

"You may be a Holland, but don't forget that I'm a y/l/n honey" I told him while I held eye contact.

"Cause you exactly know what I'm capable of, you already saw me fighting and taking your men down easily" I added.

"And you exactly know what I'm capable of babygirl"

"Oh please, you are just as weak as your men are Holland" I said with a quick laugh.

"I'm not talking about fighting love" he said with a tiny smirk.

"About what then champ?" I said with a little smile on my face.

"You know what I'm the best at?" he said as he slowly leaned closer so his mouth was hovering over my ear.

"What" I asked before I rolled my eyes.

"Punishments" he whispered.

And as soon as he said that my smile faded and I was frozen… again.

"I knew you would be quiet as soon as I said that. Have you ever got punished before? You know like, did you ever got a few good spanks and a few edges-"

"shut up Thomas" I spat quietly at him.

"You get turned on from the thought of me spanking you and edging you until you beg me to stop, don't you?"

"I-I, n-no i-I don't" I stuttered.

"Don't lie to me princess" he said while he looked me in my eyes again.

"I don't" I said while I looked down at my feet. "Can you say that while you look me in the eyes?" he asked.

I looked him in the eyes, but I couldn't get a single word out.

"That's what I thought" he said before he put both of his hands back in his pockets again and went to the door.

"Where a-are you g-going?" Why did I asked that?!

"I'm gonna go back to work, if you need someone that makes you scream and cry at same time, and I don't mean that in a painful way, then you know where I am" he said before he opened the door and left.

"God please help me" I quietly prayed before I left the library too and went to the gym.

---

"Tom, let me through" I said in a pretty calm voice.

"No" he answered with a tiny smirk.

"Thomas please! I have to be in the meeting like, right now!" I raised my voice at him.

"And?" he asked while he looked down at me. Sadly I'm shorter than him. "And?! When my dad finds out that you are keeping me up here then you. are. dead, holland." he lightly chuckled before he spoke up,

"That would be a shame wouldn't it?" he said with a wide grin while slowly raced his hand and stroked my cheek with his knuckles. "Tom stop" I told him angrily. "You are so sweet when you're angry, you know?"

"Fuck. off" I whispered while I looked him deep in the eyes. That was the last thing i said to him before I pushed him angrily away and stormed through the door.

"Where the fuck where you y/n?" my dad asked with a slightly aggressive voice. I didn't knew which kind of lie I should tell him, so I told him the truth.

"Tom distracted me" I said while I took a seat. "Tom Holland?" he said while he looked at me. "Of course the holland boy dad, who else?" I spat. "Not in that tone young lady" he spat back angrily before he sat down in his own chair and scoffed before he started to talk about some mob business shit while I held back my tears.

It's not that I hate this life, or the mob, it's just that I would love when someone would give me some love.

---

"Thomas, I already told you that it was a mistake" I yelled at him. "But this mistake could have killed you" he yelled back at me. I looked him deep in the eyes before I quietly said,

"Why do you even care?"

He just stared at me with an open mouth and slightly wide eyes. He looked at me like he just got caught stealing something. "I-I don't care about you or anything, i-i could have been dead too, a-and w-when you would have been i-in trouble, t-then I wouldn't have hesitate to save MY ass"

Slowly, a smile made it's way to my face before I spoke up again,

"You're lying" I whispered.

"I d-don't lie'' he said quietly. "You do, because every time when you lie, you stutter thomas" he slowly approached me. Probably a habit of him. As he stood right infront of me, he looked me right into the eyes. He basically looked me right into the soul before he said,

"I didn't lied and I don't care about you. When you would get killed, then I would stand next to your corpse and would be sad that I didn't killed you" he slowly said.

And as he said that, I just thought one thing,

Don't fucking cry now y/n, you already know that nobody loves you.

I exactly knew that he hates me, just like I hate him, but I would have never said something that cruel to him. But of course I couldn't stop the tears they were threatening to spill. I looked down at my feet before I quickly wiped the tear away.

"Are you cryi-"

"I hate you" I said before he could finish his sentence. The last thing I saw before I stormed out of the big conference room, was a guilty look painted on Tom's face.

---

I sat silently in my bedroom and thought about a few things,

'I can't', 'I can't fucking like him', 'I can't fucking love him', 'It's impossible'. I thought the entire time. We are enemies since the second we saw each other. We hate each other. We have to, we don't have another option. Why am I even thinking about that? He hates me and I should hate him. But I can't. It's not that I adore this man and would do anything for him, I would just sacrifice my life for him-

Fuck.

I'm head over heels for him.

Suddenly someone knocked on my door.

"Come in" I said. Suddenly Tom came in, wearing a tight white button up shirt and dark blue dress pants. He looked so unbelievably hot but at the same time he was my enemy. I thought about his messy hair and rosy cheeks and red lips, they look so fucking soft, I would love to kiss them and touch his body-

"You good y/n?" he asked as he sat down next to me on the bed. And of course he had to spread his legs and fold his hands.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine" I answered quickly. God I'm so done.

"I wanted to apologize for what I said earlier, so… I'm sorry"

Did he just seriously apologized? Wow.

"It's okay, you were right" I said with a tiny but sad laugh. "You were right" he suddenly said. "What do you mean?" I said while I looked at him. Tom got up and stood now infront me.

"I do care about you"

"What?"

"You were right, I lied. I really care about y/n, and I'm sorry that I treated you that way"

"Seriously?" I got up now too and stood right infront of him. He just nodded quickly before he said,

"yes, uhm, that's it, I'm gonna go now, by dollface" he said with a tiny smirk before he left the room.

"fuck off" I laughed while I made my way downstairs.

---

"I hate work" I quietly whispered to myself while I buried my head in my hands desperately. Suddenly the door opened and Tom walked in. "Get out of here" he said without any sign of kindness. "What?" I asked with a laugh. "I think you heard me princess, out. of. here" I stood up from my chair and scoffed before I walked over to him.

"No" I said with a tiny grin.

"No?, darling I'm in charge here, okay?, so you're gonna walk out of this room and let me do my work that I have to do, alright?" he said pretty seriously. I shaked my head with a smile painted on my face. "I don't wanna drag out of the room y/n, c'mon" he said with a hint of anger in his voice but I shaked my head and he scoffed. "Why can't you just listen for once." Out of nowhere he grabbed my throat and pressed me against the wall behind me. "You're gonna listen to me" he whispered before he went on,

"When I tell you to do something, then your gonna do it, don't you?" he asked while he looked at me. That went right to my pussy.

"And what are you gonna do when I don't want to do what you say?" of course y/n y/l/n tried to push his buttons. "Then it's gonna get a big big mess babygirl" he smiled. He fucking smiled.

"A bloody mess?" I asked with a grin. "No, no, not a bloody mess but a wet mess" he whispered.

"fuck you" I whispered. "oh yes, I'm gonna do that" he said before he crashed his lips on mine harshly. He put both of his hands on my cheeks while I opened his button up shirt and pulled it off of his body. Just a few seconds later he pulled my shirt off and threw it to the side. "You're eager, aren't you?" I asked while he put his pants off. God his body is a masterpiece.

"Shut up" he said while I put my pants and bra off. "Make me" I said. He looked me in the eyes with a tiny smirk before he picked me up and laid me down onto the table. He went down on his knees infront of me and pulled my panties down my legs before he started to give tiny kitten licks to my already wet pussy.

"Fuuuuck" I whispered before he started to really eat me out. "Fuck daddy" I cried out. "Say that again" Tom said before he sucked on my clit and flicked his tongue over it afterwards. "Oh my God, please daddy" I cried out even louder. He flicked my clit with the tip of his tongue so fast and good that I came quickly.

"FUCK, your gonna make me cum" I said quietly while I arched my back. But after he made me cum, he didn't stopped. He went on with flicking the tip of his tongue quickly over my sensitive clit. I started to wiggle away from him but he grabbed my legs and put me back in place again. "Shh, just a little bit more" he whispered. Suddenly he spit right on my pussy and collected the spit with two fingers before he shoved his wet fingers into my pussy. "Oh my g-god, please" I stuttered out.

He started to pump his finger faster and faster and after a few seconds he found the spot that made me go crazy. "Ahhh fuck daddy please, please, please" I screamed.

"Come for me doll, come for daddy" he said while he looked me in the eyes. You heard right. He looked me in the eyes while he ate. me. out.

"FUCK" I yelled as I came for the second time on his tongue and fingers. After he cleaned me up, he stood up and looked at me.

"You're gonna be a good girl and take my cock?" he asked. "Yes Daddy" I answered back quietly. "Good girl" he whispered in my ear before he pulled his boxer down and started to enter me. "oh fuck" I quickly cursed before he started to ram into me mercilessly.

"So fucking tight, such a good girl, just for me, right?" I just nodded with my head before my eyes rolled into the back of my head quickly. Suddenly he put his hand on my throat again and lightly choked me. And fuck was that good.

"Feels so good d-daddy" I whispered. He put the thumb of his other hand on my clit and started to rub it quickly.

"OH MY GOD" I cried out really loud. "Take it, take it, take it" tom spat quietly. "I'm gonna cum daddy" I told him. He went even faster, with his cock and his thumb. And then my orgasm washed me while I screamed as loud as I could while tears were running down my cheeks.Tom shut his eyes tightly and let out a tiny 'fuck' after he came. But I couldn't even notice more before I blacked out.

---

I woke up in my bed, but I could remember exactly what happened yesterday in the conference room. The worst thing is, I still like, no, love this man. How? I honestly don't know. He just makes me… weak.

I threw my work clothes on and went downstairs into the conference room to see if my father was there but the only person that was in the room was the one and only Tom of course.

"Oh, hello darling" he said politely.

"Hello?" I said but it kinda sounded more like a question. "Are you okay?" he asked me. I just nodded with my head before I made my way to the door again but Tom's hand on my wrist stopped me immediately. "Can we talk?" he suddenly said pretty shy. I just nodded again while I turned around to face him and leaned back against the door. "What's up" I said. What the fuck y/n?! Why would you say 'what's up'? You exactly know what happened yesterday and you can't change it. Neither of you can. What you two didn't knew is that neither of you too wanted to change it.

"Can we maybe talk about last night?" he suddenly said. "Yeah, yeah of course, what about last night?" I asked quietly. "I-I, fuck, I don't know how to say that-" but before he could finish his sentence, I interrupted him,

"You think it was a mistake and you asked me to forget it and to not mention it ever again because you hate me and that was just a stupid one night stand thing for you" I told him. He just stared at me for multiple seconds before he opened his mouth and spoke up,

"No"

"What do you mean with 'no'?"

"y/n, I know how I treated you and how rude and cruel I am to you, but that what we did last night wasn't a damn one night stand" he said calmly. "What was it then to you?" I asked him.

"What was it to you?" he asked me back. I had to swallow before I answered,

"I don't think that it meant the same to you as it meant to me" I said quietly while I looked at him. He let out a tiny laugh before he said,

"It meant a lot to me" hold on what did he just said?!

"What, s-seriously?" I asked with already glassy eyes. I just dreamed right?

"Y/n, when I told you that I would save my ass and that I would be happy when you would be dead, then I didn't meant that at all. I care about you, a lot actually and I would rather sacrifice my ass to save yours" he said with a tiny laugh.

I slowly approached him and asked,

"You are not lying?"

"I'm not lying"

As soon as he said I leaned forward gave him a tiny peck to test if he really wants that, and yes he does, he leaned forward and kissed me properly on the lips while he put of his hands softly on my waist and I put my hands on his shoulders. He slowly started to walk forward so that i had to walk backwards and backed me up against the wall, at first I thought that we are gonna the same thing like last night but he just put one of his hands on my cheek and looked me deep in the eyes.

"I really like you y/n"

"I really like you too"

He kissed my forehead gently before we went on with our little make out session.

---

"Tom, no!" I yelled at him. "Why not?!" he yelled back loudly. "Because, when my dad is gonna catch us in the conference room then we are both dead and you know that!" I screamed at my boyfriend.

Tom wanted to make out in the conference room, that my father is probably gonna enter soon. "Who gives a fuck about him" he yelled back at me. "Tom, how do you think my dad will look at us when he sees us not sliding each other's throats!, What do you think is he gonna do huh?!"

"But we are together y/n, we are in a relationship and we are fucking adults so we are allowed to do that! We love each other!"

"In this world is no place for love Thomas!"

Silent.

I instantly regret what I said. I looked at him and I could already see tears building up in his eyes.

"So you don't love me?" he asked quietly and unsure. "No! That not what I meant. Tom, it's just that this world wasn't made for love, okay? I know that we love each other, you love me and I love you, so so so much tommy but this world that we are living in is dangerous, okay?" I told him before I slowly approached him. I put my hands in his hands and gave him a small but gentle peck on the cheek.

"I love you" I whispered.

"I l-love you too darling" he said quietly.

"I'm so sorry for what I said, I hope you forgive me" I said while I laid my head on his chest. He is always so warm and caring and gentle with me.

"Yeah baby, I forgive you" he said with a tiny smile on his gorgeous face. "Thank you" I answered before I pecked his nose. "I'm gonna take a shower" I said quietly while I looked him deep in the eyes. "Mind if I join?" he asked with a smirk. "Not at all… " I slowly leaned forward to whisper in his ear and said,

"daddy"

Before I could even blink, he threw me over the shoulder and made his way to the bathroom.

---

"Fuuuuck babygirl, you take me so well" he whispered while I tried to take his entire member in my mouth. And fuck was that hard because he was so big. Suddenly he started to thrust his hips and I gagged loudly. "You can take it kitten, I know you can" he spat quitely. Tears were rolling down my cheeks as I gagged around him, but It was so fucking hot and rough Tom is the best thing you can get. "Fuck, I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum" he said while he shut his eyes. After he came, I swallowed everything and then I stood up and we got out of the shower. He grabbed the back of my neck tightly and turned me around. Our noses touched while he looked me deep in the eyes. "You're mine, understand?" I nodded with my head quickly before he spoke up again,

"That was a great shower don't you thing doll" he said with a huge grin on his face after he let my neck go slowly. I just rolled my eyes before I started to dry my body with my towel. But before I could take my brush to brush through my hair and get the knots out, tom took the brush from my hand and started to gently brush my hair while he stood behind me just in a Calvin klein boxer and grey sweatpants. He gently brushed through them while I watched him in the mirror infront of me. "Mhhmm" I moaned with a tiny smile written on my face. "Don't moan or I'm gonna take you right against the counter princess" he slowly whispered into my ear while he still brushed gently through my hair. "sorry… daddy" he just scoffed before he gave me the 'warning gaze'. I started to laugh and he put the brush aside to grab the lotion. "Are you laughing at me?" he asked with 'fake shook' on his face. "Sorry bubu, your just so sweet" I said between laughter. "You're even sweeter my love" he answered as he applied some lotion on my back and slowly rubbed it in. "That feels good baby, thank you" I said. "No, thank you" he told me while he looked in the mirror where our eyes met. "For what?" I asked with a tiny smile. "For being the best girlfriend ever" he whispered before he gave me a small peck on my temple. I smile before I answerd,

"I love you so damn much Tommy" he rubbed his hands slowly over my shoulders before he spoke up,

"I love you too princess" I used to hate this name, but now I love it.

---

I sat in my room, crying silently on my bed all alone. To have a dad that is just focused on the mob and basically didn't gives a single shit about his own daughter Is hard and it fucking hurts. But luckily i got a caring boyfriend that should be here any minute-

"Hey babygirl, what's wrong?" he asked as he came into the bedroom. "Is it your dad again?" he added after a while. I just nodded with my head before I started to let more sob's out. "No, no, no, you know that I don't like it when you cry princess" he said as he sat down next to me and pulled me into his chest. He hold me tightly in his arms before I spoke up,

"I'm s-sorry" he just looked at me before he said,

"For what?" I looked at him briefly before I looked down at my lap again. "For i-interrupting you t-tommy"

"No, no, there's nothing to be sorry about, okay? I love you and I'm gonna be here for you, you understand?" I nodded with my head quickly before I looked him deep in the eyes. Suddenly he pulled me on his lap so that I straddled him and laid both of his hands on my hips. We both looked at each other's lips briefly before I slowly leaned in and captured his soft lips in a gentle kiss. "I" kiss. "love" kiss. "you" kiss. "so" kiss. "much" kiss. I laughed at him before I kissed his forehead gently and said,

"I love you too so much"

"Can we cuddle?" I added. Tom laughed before he answered,

"Of course darling, anything for you"

I laid down while Tom laid behind me and he threw his hand around me and pulled me into him. "Good night Tommy" I whispered. "Good night baby" he whispered back before we both fell into a deep but wonderful sleep.

---

It was the worst day of your life. Tom was kneeling on the ground, I stood behind him and my father stood infront of us with his gun pointed at me while I had my gun against Tom's temple. Yes, you heard right. Tom's fucking temple.

"Kill him y/n, prove your father that you are strong enough to lead the mob, just like me princessa" my father told me while tears started to build up in my eyes. My father found out about Tom's and my relationship. He went crazy, he freaked out and yelled at us and went absolutely mad. I saw a lot sides from my father already, but not this one. And it kinda made me shit my pants. He demanded me to shoot Thomas so I could prove to him that Tom would be a bad influence for me and the mob. The things is that I would rather die that kill my own fucking boyfriend. Only problem, my father doesn't care.

"You k-know that i-i can't father" I whispered while tears were rolling down my cheeks. "Just do it y/n, it's okay, we had a great time didn't we?" Tom slightly laughed but then I could hear him sob. My father just laughed before he spoke up,

"That's no love that you little kids have, that's just some random bullshit, shoot him" he answered with a laugh. Tom swallowed and I couldn't stop the tears. We both couldn't. "I love you princess, so much" Tom whispered quietly. I just shaked my head while I let sob's out and looked at my dad again. "I don't give a-a fuck a-about the m-mob anymore, I love t-Tom and when you c-can't accept t-that then I'm really sorry" I quietly said. My dad laughed before he said,

"Wait, what do you mean with 'then I'm really sorry' y/n?" he asked.

"I love Thomas, and I fucking hate you" I said before I shot my father in his right shoulder. Tom closed his eyes tightly but when I put both of my hands in his cheeks he opened them again. "Are you okay?" Tom asked me quickly. I nodded with my head before I hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry baby" I shaked my head quickly and answered,

"No, I'm sorry"

"No, you shouldn't be, I'm supposed to protect you, to protect you from situations like that doll, but I didn't and I'm so sorry" he said quietly. "It's okay Tommy, I love you" "I love you too" he said before we shared a loving kiss. After that, Tom and i got up and went to my father who was laying desperately on the ground.

"Fuck you daddy" I told him.

"Why p-princess, w-why" he weakly asked. Before I could response, Tom spoke up,

"By the way, your daughter calls me daddy too" he said with a wink. And those were the last words my father heard. The best last words even in my opinion. I laughed at my boyfriend before he picked me up and ran towards the bedroom.

"What are you doing?" I asked between laughter. "Oh, I'm just gonna make you beg, scream and cry, okay?" he asked. And as soon as I heard these words I was screwed.

"Yes daddy"

"Good girl"

-`ღ´- ᶫᵒᵛᵉᵧₒᵤ -`ღ´-

Taglist:

@goodgirlgonetom @majo240820 @misshale21 @itstaskeen @pure-ghost @justafangirlduh @elizabeth-brown @roseke @onyourgoddamnleft @lovelyxtom

[uesp]

This is why I can't play Morrowind rip

I don’t blame you. There’s a lot of games I can’t play, even some I used to, for reasons like Morrowind’s navigation issues. A thought that enters my mind a lot for games with those issues is “this game does not respect my time”. Whenever I think that, I’m just done with it now. I tend to find I’m happier for it.

To be clear I don’t dislike Morrowind, I do in fact like it quite a bit. I also understand that it is a product of its time, popular concepts in game design evolve with time, with a lot of what I would consider bad ideas falling to the wayside with time (along with some game design ideas that should really be given more tries, although that’s super tangential).

At the same time I’m willing to admit to things I dislike about the game. Morrowind is not sacred, it can be criticized. I don’t like running into unjustified difficulty walls (without taking advantage of exploits). If a game encourages you to explore, and exploring the world is arguably what Morrowind MOST encourages you to do, getting cut off by enemies who are arbitrarily too powerful is terrible design. That’s not to say I dislike a game expecting you to get more powerful to expand what areas you can explore, far from it. But it should be a fairly natural process of discovery. It should be clear that I’m heading into danger.

One good example of this is Red Mountain. Red Mountain in its entirety is gated off by a giant glowing and ominous wall with only one easy entrance. As you approach it the weather becomes increasingly grim, before the entire world turns a sinister shade of red. That sets the tone. It tells me, without necessarily saying anything (although NPCs also warn you), that what’s in there is going to be much more dangerous, and that I shouldn’t go that way unless I’m sure I’m ready.

A random human living in a cave being considerably more powerful than a different random human living in a similar cave is comparatively bad. Sadly, I feel that this is much more common than the warnings with Red Mountain.

To change topics, the Dark Brotherhood NPCs constantly attacking you whenever you rest if you have the Tribunal expansion (which most people will have at this point, as most copies of the game you can easily acquire come with it by default now) is absolutely awful design of the highest level. If you aren’t familiar, when you start a new game or load a save after enabling the Tribunal expansion, there will be persistent, respawning enemies that attack you when you rest until you go to a higher level area to put a stop to their attacks. They start spawning immediately, and they become increasingly dangerous if you just try to put up with the attacks.

What were they thinking? In my opinion, the implementation of these Dark Brotherhood assassins to get you to start Tribunal is a solid contender for the single worst developer decision in any Elder Scrolls game. I’m sure there have been worst design choices in games overall, but I think it might be an honorable mention on a list of all-time worst game design decisions. I have actually tested this with a group of people who have never played Morrowind before, and the DB attacks were consistently a wall they couldn’t get past. I don’t think a person can pick up Morrowind today without either having a game guide (like the UESP), using mods to fix this, or just dropping the difficulty down (a feature hidden in the menu). That’s really, really bad.

I know we’ve been talking about this in other posts, but while talking about things from Morrowind that make it harder for me to get into now, I would be remiss to not go more in-depth with my problems with it (especially since that was the anonymous message’s primary gripe). As Morrowind does not have quest markers, you are reliant on directions NPCs give you. Directions like this...

"The burial caverns lie to the south-southeast of the camp, a north-facing door in a little hill halfway between us and the slopes of Red Mountain. Go north from the camp to the water, then turn east. At a rock cairn on the beach, turn and head straight south until you find the door. The spirits of our ancestors guard the caverns. They will attack, and will kill you if they can. Force your way past them, or evade them, get the bow, and return to prove your worthiness."

Those are actual directions you get during part of the main quest.

Honestly, I can often remember where to go or just instinctively pull up our interactive map if I need it, but if I didn’t have foreknowledge of Morrowind locations, this would bother me immensely. I don’t have unlimited free time, I would like to do the parts of the game that are fun and rewarding, not search mindlessly through Morrowind’s ash and fog-covered countryside for a gray door on the side of a gray rock. When a game doesn’t respect that, I have a hard time playing it. TES has a special place in my life, but I can absolutely understand how things like this are deal breakers for people.

But to change tracks, and to end this post, I would like to leave you with something I absolutely love about Morrowind. A lot of games play with the trope of you having to prove you are “worthy”. Morrowind absolutely does, you interact with a ton of characters who outright despise you, and barely tolerate you enough to send you to complete some task to prove your worth, before sending you off on a dozen more missions to continue to prove yourself, before sending you to other groups who you then have to prove yourself to. However, Morrowind lets you throw up your hands at their demands and snide comments and go “You are all garbage people, and I dislike you all immensely. I don’t need you or your perfunctory approval or your stupid artifacts. Now I’m going to go kill the monsters none of you could because I am AMAZING and HARDCORE and YOU ARE NOT. And I’m going to do it all while FLYING because I am too good to walk on the same dirt you all are confined to.”

And honestly, every game should let you do that.

[not-ur-normie]

Cristal witches, aka Sasha making headcanons for the world of Eldarya

I have this idea since forever at this point, so I figured it wouldn't hurt a fly to talk about it a little. It comes from years before when I wanted my OC to not be human but some kind of magic creature, so here we go.

English is not my first languange, so I am apologizing in advance.

Note: Throughout the post, the timespan is after the Blue Sacrifice, but I will talk about that too later on.

Who are cristal witches?

Cristal witches are witches who hold power connected to maana.

The bigger maana surronds them, the bigger their powers get

The reason they are called cristal witches is because they can form a connection with the Crystal

They are creatures with big potencial to play big roles in Eldarya, but that is exactly the point where things go wrong

More about witches

Most cristal witches are women, it's really rare when a male is born and inherits magical power, but there are cases when it happens

There were never any worry about them dying out, since the genes are VERY strong

When a male and female cristal witch have a child who is also one, they turn out way stronger then the others who only have one parent being one

Don't get me wrong, one parent makes the kid already strong as it is, but two parents are just a whole new level

Cristal witches all have tattoos, all in different colors. Most of the time the colors don't have anything to do with the powers they can hold, but lighter colors indicate lighter powers, meaning: lighter colors can't use magic that requires bigger maana usage, like black magic, or healing magic

(If you play the game, you sure know the voodoo outfit, I based the tattoos on those tattoos, so you can see the colors if you google it)

Since cristal witches are a heavily mixed community thanks to the overload of women, there are times where kids inherit both of their parents specific genetics

It's rare tho, because of the witch genes mixing up with other races' is not that common

But when it happens, it always gains attention

Cristal witches are not just cristal witches because they are connected to the Crystal, but because they literally have crystals all over their body

These crystals are mostly small ones and has the color of the tattoos

They are really human-like, so if they can hide their tattos and crystals they can perfectly blend in, which did come handy at some point

Their lifespan is about 150-200 years

They are able to open the portal to the human world

(here you can see the children of my OC [Chrystal] and Ezarel, who were lucky enough to inherit both of their parents genes, so they are witches with elf ears.)

How did they live?

Back then cristal witches lived in small communities, mostly small villages, but there where some communities living a full nomad life

Since they live so long, there were not many of them to begin with

These smaller communities lived close to each other way back then, but the nomad communities started to move around after a while

These are highly spiritual communities, especially that they are fully able to communicate with the Oracle if they wish so

They had special type of education, where witches were learning to use basic magic, while non-witches who lived with them learned alchemy

They had strict rules, that everybody needed to follow, they weren't allowed to use their power randomly

They needed to get an approval to use magic that requires more manna than your basic magic, and also to use dangerous or risky magic

If somebody went against this rule more than 5 times, they got their magic taken away

They choose new leader every year, although if a leader was good, they sticked with them and kept on picking them

The leader was not leading alone, although they made the final decisions

There were many smaller position available next to the leader, which are also chosen by the other witches

Overally they are really pieceful, so the conflicts are not that common

Cristal witches are able to do many things with magic, but it takes a lifetime to gain a really controlled power, so older, well-educated witches are highly respected and the leader was chosen from them most of the times

Some really strong witches are even able to bring back people from the death, but only if they're right there when the death happens

The Blue Sacrifice

The reason that Cristal witches were never part of the council that planned out the Sacrifice was that the races forming the council agreed that Eldarya could need them in the future (and they were damned right)

Before the Sacrifice taken place, witches were not that strong than after it happend

I imagine it the way, that once the sacrifice was made, Eldarya alone had more maana than when the two worlds were one and since witches' powers are mostly maana based, it made their powers grow way stronger than before

(I hope this makes sense lol)

Where things went wrong

As I mentioned before, they are creatures with big potential

When the Blue Sacrifice went wrong, the races in Eldarya needed the witches help the most

Almost every community, town, villige, whatever had at least one witch living with them to help out whenever there were high need

The problem is, that there was always high need; as we know Eldarya was in trouble

With the help of the witches it was easier to go for supplies to the human world, although only those communities could do this who had stronger, more experienced witches

There were even witches who were able to cast spells and make the field able to grow some edible plants

And this is exactly where things went terribly wrong

Since cristal witches have a high value, there were many who hunted them or tortured them for their powers

Why? Well, I know all the above reasons would be enough, but there are more to it

Cristal witches' blood is able to make the lifespan of whoever drinks it longer

And not just that, but it can completely function as food, it stops hunger for longer periods of time (weeks, sometimes months, depending on power) and makes the immune system 100% healthy

It was also used for really expensive medication

You know what else is really valuable? The tears of witches.

It can fasten healing and was used for many medication as well as their blood

But only tears that hold heavy emotions count, since the tear drops turn into little crystals

These informations spread real fast after a while and witch hunts became so serious that at one point several communities started to think that it would be better to sacrifice them as well so maybe Eldarya could gain its full balance [the Guard of El also wanted this, just in case you were curious]

Witches would've 100% sacrificed themselfs if they got asked by the time the Blue Sacrfice happend

But after all the terror they went through, their trust was completely broken

They did not want to die for all these selfish folks wanting to murder them, not thinking about their race for a single second

So one day they completely vanished

Nobody knows how exactly, the common guess was that they opened the portal and moved to the human world, giving up on their magic

I mean everything was better than dying for your murderers

After the vanish

Of course, not all of the witches vanished, but the witch communities that lived together

Those who lived in certain places helping out stayed there

Back then the Guard of El had a witch with them too

Sadly, they got scared of her possibly gaining control over the guard, since she was very much loved... So they decided to kill her [yes, they wanted to sacrifice her, and then killed her, way to go]

The last known cristal witch was a male, living with the Fenghuangs, but he died just before The Origins' story starts

But... Are they really all gone?

Okaaaay soooo I bet there are stuff in this which doesn't exactly fit the story and/or I remember incorrectly, but it is what it is.

On the very first art you can see my OC named Chrystal. Well, she arrives to Eldarya the same way Erika did in the original story, the main difference is that she turnes out to be a cristal witch and this fact leaves the guard in a numb shock. Suddenly the only living cristal witch is with them and that is changing their situation entirely.

I am sure I will write down Chrystals story with illustratons and whatnot, but currently I am working on my Moonligh Lovers' OC's illus, so that will take some time.

Anyway, this will have another part, I wanna at least introduce Chrystal so you can see a cristal witch in action, hurray.

Ah, yeah, if there are facts from the game messed up, feel free to tell me, I am not biting. You can also use this idea for your ocs, I don't mind. Hugs<3

[we-dragons]

I'm from a different dimension actually Chapter 8 Damian x reader

The school is shut down for a week ironically because of an attack by The Joker and Two-Face, that Robin and his team took down. The teachers sent out a notice with homework attached and told us to stay inside. Nightmare came back somewhere in the morning I couldn't tell the time because I apparently fell asleep along with Boy Wonder before the end of season 1 of The Highlander. I gently placed him down on the couch, gotten dressed, and made some breakfast, I only had eggs so I made some scrambled and put them on a plate for him and me. Nightmare got the last of the bacon. I put a plate over Robins while I ate mine sitting at the small table in the kitchen going over my homework. Sadly I finished my homework before my eggs and they have gone cold. I silently morn my eggs eating the cold carcass. "You stare any harder at that screen and you might break it." I jump, my head shoots upwards and I sigh, but then my eyes drop on my cat. My jaw drops the furball is purring in the arms of a masked stranger who is petting his head. Robin was petting my cat holding him like a baby and the demon is purring. Robin still had his eyes, and limbs not even a bite mark was seen on his skin.

"You traitor, you barely know him." I playful scold the feline, he meows nuzzling his face in Robin's chest.

"Your monster seems friendly."

"Nightmare looks like he's been introduced to catnip."

"Just a few scratches here and there." He smirks taking a seat next to me."Thank you for breakfast."

"Mhm." I turn back to the screen, "Will you be going back today Robin?"

"I might."

"Hmm." I finish the last problem for today closing the device, "Well I have to go to work, your welcome to stay if you want." I smooth out my clothes tossing one last look at the melting ball of fur. I quirk an eyebrow but move out to the door. I stop Halfway through the doorway and look back putting on my meanest face. "If you break a single window in my home I will find where ever you are and break you. Bye Nightmare, love you, I'll be back in a few hours."

_____________________________________________________________

"Nightmare! I'm back!" my keys skitter across the floor but no black fur is seen. He's still in the arms of Robin though it's not Robin, Green eyes. My stomach sinks and my mouth goes dry. "Damian?" His is just as much shock as me, he puts down Nightmare and rushes to me the door slams behind me. And I'm being dragged then forced to sit, his hands grip my shoulders. "Your early, why did you arrive early, you not supposed to be back for another half hour." I hardly heard him, I scold myself now realizing the obvious. Why else would Nightmare feel comfortable around him he had been here before multiple times noticed how I treated Damian and that's why he was a purring mess in his arms. I said be nice to him when he was over not Robin, but of course, they smell the same Nightmare associated with both people. I should have spotted it sooner, the voice, the height, the tone of his speech. Dear God, I can mom telling how oblivious, like she did when she won Clue. It was right there, he asked the right question and baited me for answers. I don't know why this is a shock to me. Now that I think of it I have to stop myself from laughing

"What the hell," my voice quivers. "Damian, Damian Wayne. You help Gotham." I start snickering, pulling my hand over my face. I throw my head back laughing then fall over to the side. "Nightmare you knew didn't you! Haha, that's why you were you were melting like butter."

"Your laughing!"

"Did you assume I wouldn't!" I wheeze, my breath nearly coming out to form words. "I can imagine you fighting, but saving people that's something else entirely."

"Do you think so little of me?" He sounds disappointed.

"I don't mean it to offend you but what else can I say. I didn't expect this." I sit up, clearing my throat and looking him dead in the eye. "Can I just call you Damian now, or do I still have to you different names."

"Why aren't you more surprised?"I Smile sadly.

"I thought you would have read up on me, do you know who killed my parents that day at home." He stiffens, he opens his mouth but continues. "My Father's sister, my aunt, killed them both during dinner. All because my mother wouldn't let her see those journals you asked about. After that it many people took off their masks."

"That's all it took?"

"What should it take, she killed her own brother because she didn't get confidential knowledge. To be honest, I don't really care anymore."

"You need professional help." I shrug.

"Probably, but getting sessions is expensive and I don't enjoy answering "and how are you feeling?" questions. I had enough of that already from everyone else."

"Where's your brother, Emil?" I feel myself frown.

"He's with someone I trust, I can't tell you who, sorry."

"The file says you died, you also made a miraculous recovery, recovery from what?"

"I prefer not to answer that question, It's rather personal." I don't want to explain that either, I know the doctor was shocked to see me come back. They had to call the professor to have him take me and my brother. After that this entire fiasco.

"You know I'll find out either way."

"Listen, I don't know how I made it, I was tortured by my she who will not be named and left for dead. I prayed for anyone and everyone who would hear me, someone did, the police found me and I was rushed to the hospital. I decided to take a nap, and I woke up to the sound of Emil crying. He cried, even more, when I woke up, screaming even, the good doctor nearly fainted. I was plugged into wires of all sorts, and my uncle was holding a plug, I assume he pulled, tackled me. My body lit up in pain and felt like I was run over, the next I am separated from my family and rushed into a place where they check on me every three months. At least I got to choose the place, they pay for the school, and I cover everything else." I give in, it feels nice to tell someone, something even if it's not the whole truth. But it seems to shut him up. "Please don't go looking for Emil, they haven't caught my aunt yet. I don't know if she's looking for them next, I would prefer not to stand over another grave knowing she got them too." I stare at him gauging his reaction, his face is still stone, unmoving in the uncomfortable silence. I pick up Nightmare, who has been rubbing against my leg for a bit, and scratch his head as he wants.

"Fine, I won't push further but I have terms."

"Really?" What would he need terms for?

"1, you don't reveal my identity to anyone. 2, you will not acknowledge that you know my family’s identities. 3, I come whenever I like as Robin or as Damian. 4, I add terms whenever I please."

"Why would I agree to any of that? I'm the one who has your identity." He smiles.

"Because I will tell Batman this information, and he doesn't talk as kindly to people hiding something. You obviously still are, but for now, I'll let it slide I'm sure by now you've decided to watch the news, so you know what he does." I gulp, I did see his more recent victim and he looked traumatized.

"Alright fine, but I binge so if you fall asleep tough luck, I'm not going back."

"Fine," he reaches back and pulls out his mask which he puts back on, walking out to the kitchen. "I back in a bit, pull out your couch bed while I'm gone. I will be staying here a while." I get up after him.

"Hey, that offer is for when I thought you were some homeless bums who fights crime, gets money from villain's wallets. You have a perfectly good bed at home!" He turns back one foot on the railing and a grappling hook in hand. "Term 6, I will stay as long as I like." he jumps off like before, not giving me a chance to speak.

"Bastard! I need my alone time!" He's gone I don't even know if he heard me. I grumble pulling out the spare sheets and blankets to set up the bed. "He better be paying rent, smug rich kid."

"Meow." Nightmare looks over at the window Robin left of.

"Yes, he's coming back."

"Meow"

"No, I'm not going tell him, not until I have to."

"Merrow"

"Shut up." I kick the side of the couch holding the two large cushions that lay on it, the bed springs out and makes a satisfying thud on the floor. "Go and see if the data has finished downloading, then put it back in the box I'll make you something in a how you feel about tuna our downstairs grandparents gave me a can."

_____________________________________________________________

The sheets are made, the cat is fed and now I am going over how I was going to cover for another person. How much would he eat, can he survive on pastries, ramen, and eggs. How long was he staying, would his family come asking about him seeing as he was here before. At both times, when he broke my window, and when they came for coffee.

"Hey, open the door." The voice is cold but still recognizable. I get up slowly taking my time getting there along with opening the door. He hurries in, dressed in some normal-ish clothes that still look expensive, but he still dressed like he came out of a photo shoot. He not only has a suitcase but some grocery bags, I frown at those. He seems to notice because he forgets his suitcase and charges into the kitchen. "Hey!"

"Y/N I am not eating ramen and eggs for god knows how long. I will cook a decent meal and you will have something healthy."

"How did you know I only had eggs and ramen?"

"I went through your fridge," He places a bag of tomatoes in the bottom drawer where I see green onions and various other veggies.

"I make stir-fry once a month, you have bought enough greens and reds to make that for two weeks. I don't even have rice."

"You don't like it when people spend money on you, do you?"

"I don't need other people's money," He opens his mouth, but I stop him raising a finger cutting him off. "And before you mention Molly, she remains the exception. Not that me telling her not to stops her."

"And why is that." He stops putting the food in the fridge.

"Because I've been friends with her longer," I look back at his bags and frown. "How long do you plan on staying again."

"For as long as I please."

"Won't they come looking for you? Your family I mean, the Detective stops by almost every day."

"Grayson won't be a problem, I left them a trail that leads to several other places." He stuffs the last of the food in the fridge, getting up and looking out the balcony window. "Should take a long while." I can hear the smugness in his voice.

"Your happy you tricked your brothers aren't you." He turns around forcing himself to frown but the corners of his lips twitch.

"Ho, you're a bastard Wayne."

"You're really gonna curse me?"

"You didn't tell me I couldn't Damian." I grab my computer and open Hulu putting on Star Trek; Next-generation where I left off. "Hope you enjoy space adventure, because I'm not starting this over its seven seasons and 4 movies. I'm halfway through season 3, if you want context just ask." I glance up signaling that I am waiting for a response, he leans on the wall in front of my kitchen. I can't read his face, but his face of neutral displeasure wasn't much better. "So, your done feeling good about yourself, or is there something else you need."

"It's been something I've been wondering for a while now, those iridescent pieces you fed me."

"Part of my mother's work." Not a complete lie,

"Was that what those missing journals about?"

"No." More of a lie but not wrong. He groans anyway, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Man, you really like to cut in deep and waste time. Just come here and watch some Star Trek with me I need someone else to groan in pain about Counselor Troy's and Will Riker's on and off slow burn romance." Begrudgingly he walks over plopping down next to me.

"Your tastes in tv are odd."

"You have no idea, my tastes in something go everywhere, after this and Highlander I have several old cartoons next. First, I might have to gather what you know about the Quack pack, Goof troop, Ducktales, and all that pizazz. Though I have a feeling that you would like Darkwing Duck more, or it could possibly be too relatable." He gives me a look.

"How could I relate to a duck?"

"We are a long way from that now, at the moment we must bear witness to Captain Picard and his adventures commanding the USS Enterprise."

"Has anyone told you how unbelievably weird you are?"

"Sir, you have entered my life for what looks to be the long run. You will experience the kind of weirdness only Molly has ever seen. But now that you are basically my roommate you might see more." I pat his shoulder. "So, buckle up, because this is now you've got a seat on this roller-coaster, and you can't get off till the car reaches a complete stop. Now can we please get back to the show I want to see some cosmic action?"

_____________________________________________________________

"Was that a statement or a question?"

"He can achieve the perception of feeling with a chip that goes into his hyper-advanced brain, lets his brother take it but can't make his own."

"I lent you my computer to catch up to where I left off for one night and that's what you're hung upon."

"Yes," his eyes look serious while he shoves some oatmeal in his mouth. "You are the one who can't stand the slow burn."

"Touche."

Before we got to the last season, Damian had asked he could see the rest of the show before the finally. I didn't expect that he would binge because it was a weekend, he even made extensive notes on character weakness. He still went out on patrol every night but came back with no one tailing him. That's what he says at least. He looks tired, with bags under his eyes and just lacking energy altogether.

"While I'm at work please go to sleep, you look like you fought an energy vampire and lost."

"I wouldn’t have lost to a vampire, they’re not that hard to kill.”

“But they drink blood they need to get close; energy vampires are more psychic they don’t even have to be a real monster.” He stops eating/

“How so?”

“They could be emotionally, physically, and mentally draining people. You know like Deity Skimmer, the girl in our science class. You can’t kill the energy-sucking vibes she gives off, can you.” He snorts behind his hand.” I mean it, even creatures of the night need sleep.” I drop my dishes off in the sink. I walk off to the door putting on my boots, I hear the chair slide and I feel his judging eyes digging holes in the back of my skull.

“Once again your conditions said nothing about teasing you, suck it up.” He scoffs. “I’ll be back around 5, don’t break any more windows while I’m gone.” I close the door before I hear any remarks once more about the incident. Though I laugh to myself, I straighten out my outfit and head down to the wonderful smells of the coffee shop. I walk slowly down the stairs looking out to the crowd that had been seated in the lounge. My managers were out by the couches talking to one of the regulars. Pull me behind the counter and relieve my coworker Meg, she looks exhausted and excuses herself. She takes what I assume is her coffee and puts away her apron and rushes out the door. I finish out what she didn’t clean and wait for anyone to come up to the counter. *Ring* though it is loud I hear the bell for the door ring.

“I’ll be with you in just a moment, I need to clean the nozzle here.”

“That’s fine, I can wait.” I flinch but catch myself, so it looks like I flicked something. I turn around with the best smile I can pull off. The sleep-deprived brother of Damian, peers at me from under his hair a frown tugging on his face.

“Oh hey! You came here with detective Grayson last time. Is there anything you would like?”

“Coffee.”

“Any particular kind?”

“Anything that will keep me from sleeping on this counter.” He knocks on the surface twice.

“I Can recommend our D&D potion bottle, it’s a personal favorite of the owners.”

“Why not, how much?” He fumbles around for his pockets, I stop him.

“How about, I make get it for you, and then you pay.” He brings his hands back on the counter and nods.

“I will only be a few minutes, please make yourself comfortable.” I pull out the ingredients for our powerful concoction, the pho fried ice cream, a large potion bottle with a straw, and 20-sided dice. I place the potion bottle in front of him and the ice cream but hand him the dice. He stares at the shiny plastic unmoving.

“I would roll that.” He does what I say and lands on a nine. “Well, sir after this one you can either have another potion or chose two desserts of any kind from our display or menu.” He takes a sip from the straw rather slow; his eyes perk up a bit.

“How Much did you say this was?”

“Oh! That will be $9.23?” He pulls out the exact amount, and I put it away in the register, placing it in the compartment marked D&D.

“And I would like another one of these to go.”

“Sure, would you like it now or before you go?”

“Well now should be nice, I’m leaving in just a bit.” I pull out a cup that is relatively the same size as the potion bottle. I go to give him his cup and notice that he finished the bottle and ice cream. Confusion hits me, but I don’t stare too long to turn to clean the mess. “Have you seen Damian at all?” And there it was.

“No, not since the Gala? Did something happen?”

“There was a…disagreement so he ran out, but if you see him,” He handed me a piece of paper with a string of numbers and an email. “Tell me. That is my number and email.” He does not say anymore and walks out the door, the bell signaling his departure.

_____________________________________________________________

When I got back, I told Damian what happened, he isn’t pleased and is currently pacing the floor.

“My guess is that he knows.” I sigh over my tea and stare sadly at the replaced window.

“No doubt.”

“You know I was rather hoping not to be having another visit from the Batman. What will happen when they find out that I know about the caped crusader thing.”

“He’ll either force into secrecy, turn you into a child crusader, or confine you to the manor.”

“So in other words no privacy.”

“None.”

“As lovely as that would be you told me this was temporary, so why can’t you go back?”

“At the Gala I was supposed to keep you entertained at the table so that we could trap you into to talking about those journals.” I knew it.

“So, you lied to me.” I look at him, faking shock and betrayal.

“It was for the sake of the investigation; I didn’t think that I would end up-.” He examines my expression and face palms. “What’s wrong with you.”

“I like to call it “I laugh in the face of danger” Syndrome, in a moment of despair I crave comedy.”

“You're worse than Grayson.”

“I like him, so I’ll let this one slide.” I sip the warm liquid feeling soothed at the pumpkin spice. “What are you going to do now?” Nightmare jumps on the table noticing my concern and waiting for his answer from me. He walks to the corner where he put his bag then went to the closet pulling out my suitcase. He then grabs his outfit Robin outfit from the coat rack and his other materials. “Get packed, we’re leaving. I’ll grab Nightmare’s things gab whatever you need. And I mean need, don’t pick it up unless it’s necessary.”

“What? I can’t just leave, what about my job? School?!” He Pulls out my backpack and puts some food in it. “Damian!”

“Just trust me, I’ll take care of it! I don’t want you tangled up in my family’s nonsense.” He looks at me something odd swirling in his eyes. “Please.”

“Fine,” I grab my suitcase and pack my box and my compiece which hasn’t gotten back to me on its progress. I throw a few sets of clothes. I open the box to make sure the journals, the scales, and everything else, then I hide it under the clothing and my laptop in the front pocket. I thank myself for making sure to get a suitcase that has a double use as a backpack. In the living room, Damian is all packed the bag is strapped across his chest and he’s holding Nightmare.

“Let’s go.” He hands me Nightmare and pulls me to the balcony. He pulls out and belts with a ring pultruded out on one side swiftly put it around me connecting the loop to his belt. “Hold on tight, and don’t let go till I tell you.” I Sling an arm around him and grip on to Nightmare, he doesn’t hesitate and shoots across the balcony with his grappling gun. I screw my eyes shut. And wait to stop, my heart beats wildly in my chest Nightmare begins purring maybe in hopes to soothe me. I feel something wrong, but it would mean I was away from the Crows. I’m running again, even if it’s not me who chose this it still feels wrong. Because in the direction he’s going it seems that we were leaving Gotham. And for some reason, I feel like it would be a while before I returned.

[bigskydreaming]

am I the only one who's a little uncomfortable with the way they brought back dickbabs after all the Ric bullshit and the shit they made her say after? like...I know we didn't get a lot of dickkory interaction in reference to the shooting, but the one panel where he mentions it in passing to kory and they show her getting angry/protective of him in an instant speaks volumes to me over the repeated uh..."you can't be happy if you're not the Real You/it's Your Fault for not remembering me/how dare YOU leave us behind on PURPOSE when we NEEDED you" stuff they made barbara say which is a weird choice for someone with her characterization and history, but also if you're going to give her that kind of a role in the story, isn't it gross to push dick and babs together afterward like nothing happened? but then again maybe I'm just being unfairly hard on babs, because I haven't seen anyone else of the same opinion - maybe I'm missing some information? thoughts?

Mmm, I get what you're saying but I don't think that's really a Babs thing or a Dickbabs thing in specific. I mean, I had a similar reaction to Tim's part of the story as well, and I think its kinda just an overall annoyance with DC's approach to moving past the Ric Grayson arc while coupled with dissatisfaction in regards to how shit their approach to the arc was in the first place.

Like yeah, I had a lot of gripes with how they had Babs acting throughout that arc, particularly the end, but it was the exact same gripes I had with every single member of Dick's family. And I had the same reaction to Bruce after the arc trying to be like, oh I was there watching the whole time (cough bullshit) and hurriedly trying to move them past talking about all that, and its like I said here with Tim, I mean.

Its a little tricky with Tim because he's Dick's younger brother and who the fuck even KNOWS what age he's supposed to be, but I have a hard time picturing him as much younger than eighteen at this point with as long as he's been around and its like.....I kinda expect the same thing to happen when Jason shows up and even Damian if they bring him in. Like I mean, its that thing where it seems like Taylor and other writers feel they're bridging this gap of how long its been since Dick did stuff like this with Tim and the others, and that they feel like they have the characters all being 'gracious' in like, moving past that quickly and dwelling on how that went down as little as possible?

And I'm just like....no! Stop acting like its for Dick's sake that none of you want to talk about that time or that its his fault that its been so long since there were these close moments. YOU guys were the ones who dropped the ball! Its everyone ELSE who was shit at handling how Dick losing his memories affected HIS life, and even before that, there was a huge chasm between him and the others, and once again, it was because it was every one else who was shit at handling how Dick being kidnapped, tortured, killed, and then shoved off on some secret mission before he even had a full week long to process the trauma of all that and get even close to back to thinking things through rationally, like....affected their lives instead of his.

*Shrugs* Its not a single character or ship, honestly, its just DC. Its just them being shit at judging what kinds of storylines people want for Dick's character, and then when it all blows up in their face, they backpedal furiously and pin it all on Dick's character because he's the one who is most comfortable with accepting blame, which lets everyone 'get past everything' and 'back to normal' quicker than if DC tried to pin the responsibility (and thus the acknowledgment of accountability) on any other character.

I mean, sadly, I can't say that DC has learned nothing over the decades, because they DID learn this move from how Dick and Bruce were written during their estranged years back in the eighties, and how fandom reacted to that. At the time, it was CLEARLY, DEFINITIVELY, WITHOUT A DOUBT....Bruce's fault. It was his responsibility. He was the one who over and over KEPT telling Dick to leave every single time Dick was written sucking up his pride or hurt over what Bruce had said or done initially and going back to the Manor to talk it over with Bruce....and it was always Bruce who KEPT the estrangement going. Just like it was Dick who tried consoling Bruce about Jason's death and Bruce who responded to that by kicking Dick out of his house for good, which in turn meant Dick was the one who had to once again get past all that to even come back and try and help keep Bruce from trying to get himself killed after having just been basically disowned by the guy.

Rinse and repeat, over and over and over. It was always one way. It was always Dick reaching out, it was never Bruce going after Dick to ask him to come home, or to apologize, or to say that things were his fault or that he could have done things differently or that he should have been more mindful of Dick's feelings or not taken him for granted, etc, etc.

And yet, over and over and over....people kept describing that as two-sided. Every single fight between them during that period was one that Bruce unequivocally instigated, that his actions WERE the thing that Dick was REACTING to and which led to these confrontations, and again, it was never once Bruce taking the initiative in repairing their relationship or moving past a confrontation. And yet again....people described this as both of them being at fault.

And the takeaway DC got from all of that was like.....they can always count on it being in character for Dick to just...take it, while people are willing to let it slide or be like "well the characters are just like that" as long as its Bruce, or well, any one that Dick's fighting with basically, who refuses to ever take accountability and be the one trying to rebuild a bridge THEY burnt.

Its a huge problem, a massive gripe for me, but honestly, I really don't think it has anything to do with Babs specifically, or something that's fair to put ON her even if it does bug when she's the one in the picture at the moment. I think if it seems more of a Babs specific thing just now, that has more to do with her being the one who is most frequently sharing this title with Dick at the moment, while everyone else like Tim seems more slated as guest stars, but yeah.

Its a massive, wide-spreading problem, but it really is less about any other character in specific and more about how DC regards Dick's character as being 'useful' in that he can solve almost any family dispute by throwing himself under the bus or give them a common grievance in the form of well, himself.

[charmspoint]

THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT ABT THE BSD MANGA ILY THANK YOU I FEEL LIKE MY OPINION IS FINALLY VALIDATED WHICH IS: BSD has turned meh. I have become indifferent towards the plot due to the fact there are no real stakes - I feel like the OP characters like Dazai will always have a solution with a deus ex machina feel to it, making it impossible for me to care. With the recent chaos happening in the manga (I too gave up on the manga a year or so ago!), I was baffled to find out I could no longer enjoy it. My memory is poor, and I can't really pinpoint it at the moment, but BSD just... doesn't engage me as it used to. Keep in mind I was an obsessive fan of it and analyzed it to the tiniest details, but all of my great love for the series has long died, sadly. But! I am glad to hear you feel similarly about it because, yes, the potential was there, but it got terribly wasted.

Bruh don't I feel it, me and @autumn-foxfire have like monthly bitch sessions about the state of bsd at this point. I was also super invested in it in initial arcs (Up until the guild arc ended) and then slowly started petering off only to drop it the first time around the hunting dogs introduction. Then after some time i was like okay ill go give it a second shot, came to the vampire arc went 'wow this is really fuckin stupid' and dropped it again. Idk will I pick it up again, maybe I'll just stick to being an anime only, even tho I also have problems with some adaptation things but that's BESIDES THE POINT.

Please click under for The Point

The thing about Kafka is: He's really good at coming up with interesting concepts and ideas and REALLY BAD at executing them in any sort of satisfying way. Like, when I say I only like bsd until the end of the guild arc, I don't mean it was perfect. It could have handled it's female cast better, it would have been fun to see more mafia and agency team ups besides soukoku and shin soukoku, I still don't get why shin soukoku is supposed to be a replacement in training since Dazai and Chuuya still work together perfectly and even if they hate each other they hate each other less than Akutagawa and Atsushi AND have way more experience fighting together but that once again is besides the point. The point being those arcs of bsd were SATISFYING. We got introduced to two organizations, seen them butt heads and then have them forced to work together against a common enemy. It's very simple but it's effective and it's satisfying.

And then the rats struck.

While up until then bsd wasn't perfect it was fun and had lovable characters and an interesting plot and engaging dynamics. Rats arc wasn't horrible per say, the idea of the cannibalization was really fun (Though I think Kafka should have used it to get rid of Mori, nobody fuckin likes Mori) but this is where we slowly get introduced to what I think are two main failings of Kafka's writing: That he's unable to handle characters properly and that he likes writing smart things but doesn't know how to write smart things.

Kafka has a very, very bad habit of INTRODUCING TOO MANY FUCKING CHARCTERS. Every arc is a new massive group with like a bunch of members, one of who may actually end up being fleshed out before they are inventiblely replaced by another large group or maybe two why the fuck not. The mafia and the guild left lasting impressions on me and I can still name all the main members but fuck me if i know a single rat aside from Fyodor (AND ILL GET TO FYODOR). Kafka feels like someone who's idea of rising conflict is 'introduce a bigger enemy each time' and it's just so annoying. Chapters and arcs end up centering around these groups of new characters while old characters, who we loved the manga for, just fall into obscurity. He almost had me in the hunting dogs arc by giving Yosano a backstory. I was so excited! I was like!!! finally development for the agency!!! But that barely went anywhere did it. I've talked about this with Foxy but it really feels like Kafka is just BORED of the og characters and is trying to silently sideline them for his new shiny characters. When's the last time we saw Chuuya again, you know, the ex partner of one of the series protagonists? The next predicted mafia head? Is he important? Foxy tells me Dazai's been sidelined too, fUCKIN DAZAI, for a good while I was sure Kafka liked Dazai a lot better than Atsuhi for protagonist and now he's getting sidelined. I know bsd is still really popular in japan but at this point i think it would have been more merciful for Kafka to just end bsd and start a new manga with new characters instead of doing whatever weird metamorphosis this is turning out to be.

Introducing new characters isn't a bad thing of course, but bsd has become mcdonalds of new characters. They are cheap and disposable. I can't feel anything for them because I know nine times out of ten they'll barely make any impact and they'll disappear as soon as the new group slides in. When adding new characters you should do so while knowing what role those characters will play in your plot, what will they bring. If a character is just there to waffle around until they get shoved away they should probably be cut because they are wasting time and space. AND YOU SHOULDN'T SIDE LINE YOUR CORE CAST FOR UR SHINY NEW CHARACTERS YOU'LL GET BORED OF IN COUPLE OF ARCS ANYWAY, ARE YOU A TODDLER???

I still think that bsd could have been SO much better if instead of focusing on the next big evil group they just focused on shifting tension between the agency and the mafia. I mean they've had to team up for the guild and then they immediately got thrown into the cannibalization. It would have been interesting to see them pull against and pull towards those ties made during the guild arc when they are forcefully pitted against each other again (and decide that killing mori would be in everyone's best interest). Instead we got, idk I already forgot what the rats arc ended up being about, atsushi and aku team up again yadda yadda yadda, Chuuya gets done dirty and never recovers, Fyodor ruins Dazai

SO ABOUT FYODOR. As I said, Kafka strikes me as someone who REALLY likes to write geniuses and who wants people to think he's super smart but also has no idea how to show his work. At first this was okay. We had Dazai and Ranpo who were very good at pushing the plot along and sometimes you'd get explained how they got to that conclusion and sometimes you didn't but it usually wasn't a big deal. But then the writing became more and more and more of 'well he's smart so he figured it out so just trust me' without actually explaining anything and as you said, it ended up feeling boring, unengaging and very deus ex machina. You know what Kafka's writing reminds me off? That video about how Sherlock is so happy to stroke itself to how smart they look while never showing their work, you know the one. Kafka likes writing smart characters but doesn't actually know how to write smart characters so instead of giving us reasons and clues and explanations to how they come to some conclusion, how they predicted or planned or whatever, he just goes 'oh well they are super smart so they figured it out'. I don't think I need to explained why this is bad, annoying and unengaging writing. This is why i say Fyodor ruined Dazai for me, Dazai was fine as a genius but then they had to pit him against Fyodor who's another genius and things just got ridiculous. You know how in that sherlock video the guy points out the one scene that encapsulates every irritating thing about sherlocks writing. This had been it for me and BSD (thank you Foxy for helping me find the panels)

THATS NOT HOW CODES WORK, THATS NOT HOW ANYTHING WORKS, THEY WOULD JUST BE COMING UP WITH TWO DIFFERENT SETS OF CODES HERE. Even if they were both smart enough to remember every conversation in detail, how on earth are they supposed to 'guess out' what the other means. How are they supposed to confirm or deny that's what a certain word means in a way that can be understood, how can they even guess what the word the other guessed is IF THEY ARE BOTH TALKING IN CODE. KAFKA'S ANSWER: THEY'RE MONSTERS, THEY ARE JUST THAT SMART, NO NEED TO EXPLAIN IT BECAUSE THEY ARE JUST THAT SMART AND THAT'S YOUR SOLUTION AND THAT'S BULLSHIT. This scene broke bsd in half for me and honestly made me dislike Dazai for a long time (I got better), but it honestly shows so well how Kafka wanted to make his characters so smart he actually made his manga really fuckin stupid, ruining very good and interesting concept he had started with.

In the end, Kafka writes how I wrote when I was 15. With no idea where the plot is headed, adding new characters and situations whenever it strikes his fancy whether they work for the story or not, ending up just flopping around plot holes and fizzled out character arcs and boring ass writing. And that's fine for a 15yr old writing fanfiction. It's not fine for a presumably grown ass published author of a relatively popular manga.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[dreamerandcrazy]

Ok, so I haven't been able to comment much on my Riverdale rewatch mostly bc i'm watching it with my boyfriend and we have an agreement of no cell phones when we're watching, otherwise we can't pay proper attention to it. But I wrote down some notes about the episodes I did watch (I watched up until ep 6, which is very ironic bc apparently today is its anniversary, so yay for my perfect timing). I actually remember most of the stuff that happened in s1, so here's mostly a few things I paid more attention to or noticed about the characters and the ships, or things i'm able to look at through a different view now that i've watched all the seasons. Strap in if you want to see my notes, if not just scroll please, no ship or character hate here please. Also, feel free to ignore, this is really just a personal look in some stuff I didn't notice in my first watch.

- Betty's character used to be much happier and lighter in season 1. I know we're introduced to "Dark Betty" right in episode 3, but still, I feel like the way Lili played Betty in season 1 did not hold the same "darkness" as it does in the following seasons. The scene where she is dancing happily in her bedroom because she's going to homecoming with the boy she likes? The scene where she introduces Jughead to the Blue & Gold and gets him to work with her? Her genuine innocent happiness at seeing her sister again after so much time? The way she interacted with Kevin and Veronica? Those were all chef's kiss because she actually feels like a teenager in them. In all her girly glory, she radiates youth energy and it's a thing that was sadly lacking after s1. Btw this is not a critique at Lili's acting at all, I blame it entirely on Ras and his obsession with dark Betty.

- There's actually so many indications of Cheryl being a lgbt character in the first episodes that I have no idea how I missed it the first time. But then again, there were many indications with Veronica as well, and sadly that's not the path Ras chose for her.

- Jughead in s1 is truly so superior in so many ways that it's not hard to see why he quickly became such a fan favorite. I think even if he wasn't played by Cole Sprouse, he still would have conquered many fans' hearts. Sadly, the things that made Jughead such a loving and interesting character for me also fizzled out in s2 when the writing team decided to make him a woke serpent leader instead of allowing him to sticking to his true personality as a passionate mystery lover, a dedicated friend and very nerdy, which was very cute. I feel that we got some of that back for him in s4, which was good, but sadly s1 is where my love for him really stayed to stay. But I still care for him, and s5 has a promising storyline for him which i'm excited about, so let's see if s5 Jughead can become better than s1 Jughead.

- Going back again to Cheryl for a sec, I just noticed that the red lipstick actually wasn't that common for her in s1? At least not in the first five. I wonder when did it start becoming her trademark? Anyways, it's actually a really good look her and allows you to appreciate Madelaine's natural beauty even more.

- Also, did anybody notice how Alice lowkey figured out who killed Jason in ep 2 lmao, like... in episode two she legit says she wouldn't be surprised if the Blossoms themselves had killed Jason, which... is what happened LMAO, considering we know it was his father. And even more hilarious and tragically ironic note, in ep 6 she's laughing at Betty suggesting that Hal killed Jason because "do you think your father has the stomach for it?!"... Ma'am... i'm-.... 😂😂😂😂.

- This rewatch has reminded me of how much I adored and how I much I miss Josie and the Pussycats. The girls were such a nice addition to the cast, and their songs were so beautiful. I truly wish we get to see them again someday, but at the same time I also think the actresses deserve to be at a work place where they're given the treatment they deserve and not completely ignored and treated like extras.

- Archie/Valerie was super cute and is very underrated in the fandom, but i'm glad Valerie stood up for herself and didn't take any of Archie's or Cheryl's sh*t. Still sucks because they were really good together, though.

- Why was Jason not allowed to talk, lmao? Like, i'm sure it's become a running joke in the show at this point, but back when season one was airing what was the excuse for it? He appeared in so many flashbacks and scenes and we still never heard a single word ☠️☠️☠️☠️. I just want to know what was the reason lol.

- I liked s1 Reggie, but I feel like Charles Melton's Reggie is better because he actually feels like a douche with good intentions lol, and he has more of a personality. Most of the time I even forgot about Reggie in s1, but after s2 he definitely made me more aware of him. So for that, I like Charles Melton's Reggie more. But the actor from s1 still did a good job with what he was given.

From now on I will be talking about the ships, so bear with me, and know that I am a multishipper. Yes, I have my preferences. No, my word is not law, it's just an opinion, so please respect it.

- Bughead is still super cute in s1. I feel like from s1 they will always be my otp, even if I no longer feel as strongly about them now and have a different insight as to where I would like their story to go, and now I definitely see the problem others had mentioned before of how they kind of took over the show, which is something I kind of closed my eyes to before... But I really loved them in s1. It felt like a very juvenile teenage relationship, they didn't give much thought on why and if they should be together, they just went for it like teenagers usually do, and they were very very cute together.

- I feel like if you don't count Beronica (because they really were the best no matter what you say or ship), if there's a ship that deserves "best chemistry" award for s1 is probably Varchie. I lost my interest in them years ago, but this rewatch reminded me of why I actually loved them once. They never really became an otp for me, but Kj and Camila's chemistry in s1 was VERY GOOD, and I really liked them. Their kiss in the pilot was electric and the s&xual tension was OOF, and that chemistry carries on through the season. You can easily tell something will happen between them eventually. It makes me sad bc I don't know what happened after s1, but their chemistry from s2 onwards was just... not there for me. Which is ironic bc it's the season they truly started dating and they got a lot of smexy scenes, but I just... didn't feel it. But I'll leave that comment to my s2 rewatch. For now just let me enjoy Varchie's chemistry in s1 while it lasts because it was really good.

- Now we get to Barchie, who I made clear was the reason for my rewatch, so let's get to it. I LOVED the way Barchie was written in s1. I remember when I first watched Riverdale, I was curious about their dynamic but didn't put much thought into it because I loved Bughead too much and wanted them to be together, and I thought Barchie would be the traditional "first og ship" thing and wouldn't have a big follow up, but boy was I WRONG and am I GLAD for it. I'll talk more about their development in the next seasons when I get there, so for now let's focus a bit on s1. Just in like the first two episodes, there is so much Barchie foreshadowing, like, it's legit insane how it was right there in my face and I missed it the first time! "I have never felt what i'm supposed to feel with betty", "it's not my fault he doesn't like you", "I can't give you the answer you want"... Omg, those are obvious eyebrow raising "this will come back to bite you in the a$$" moments and it's incredible how they actually DO! I would call it clever writing, but like... it's Riverdale lol. So I really am just glad that the ship was done this way, i'm glad Barchie has the back story that they do, they've really come a LONG way and i'm happy I get to experience their whole growing storyline. It's also especially good because s1 actually provides you with scenes that show you their friendship and how they're so close, you see them hanging out, talking, their pictures together, everything was just really done well with them. Still have a bit of critique with the way Archie contradicted himself sometimes regardinf his feelings for Betty, but let's be honest, we've watched enough Riverdale to know that's just a problem with the writing.

- Kevin/Joaquin is still my favorite Kevin ship, i'm sad it's completely impossible to go back to them someday so for now i'll just be really glad it existed and that I got to see them even if it was short-lived. They had great chemistry and their kiss scenes always outsold.

- Beronica... sigh. Beronica. The most wasted chemistry i've ever seen on CW and I've watched a LOT of CW shows. There was so much potential there, s1 was practically overflowing with them and it's one of the reasons it became some popular. I remember when the Beronica fandom was the biggest one, ah, good times. Veronica and Betty were easily the best part of season 1, their friendship, their lowkey romantic moments, they were just superior in every way. This ship deserved better, not even just as a ship, but as a friendship.

- Veronica's s1 hair >>> Veronica's hair in seasons 2-4. I loved the side part and I am glad it's back in season 5, it looks so much better like that.

- Cheryl, as always, deserves better. Can't wait for her to meet Toni so I can watch again Cheryl finally get to love someone and be loved back, which is exactly what she deserves.

For now, that is all! I will probably make another post soon when i'm done with season one and from season two on I will be live-blogging the episodes since I will be watching it alone. Once again, pls, no hate, my thoughts are my thoughts. Peace.

[babygirlkiki1016]

Caught

The Lynnwood Inn, which was our next stop. However after the Wendigo situation, Deans been treating me differently, he's been flirting with me. There's something up with him, I thought, was it because of the night in motel? Or the kiss after the Wendigo mission. I look over at him to notice there is a mostly empty plate in front of Dean, who is circling obituaries in a newspaper. An attractive waitress, whose nametag says Wendy, approaches.

"Can I get you anything else?" She asks mostly focusing on Dean. Dean looks up, sees the waitress then goes back to the news paper as Sam comes over and sits down.

"Just the check, please." Sam orders.

"Okay." And Wendy walks away.

"You know Dean I'm surprised you weren't flirting with the waitress." I say, Dean points to Wendy walking away, who's wearing short shorts.

"Well you see her, she's not my type."

"Dude every girl is your type." Sam laughs.

"Not every girl, I highly doubt-" I point to myself "-girls like me are his type."

"If you believe that then your wrong darling." He winks at me. "And the two of you are talking like I'm not here." Sam looks at me, then at Dean who hands him the newspaper.

"Here, take a look at this, I think I got one. Lake Manitoc, Wisconsin. Last week Sophie Carlton, eighteen, walks into the lake, doesn't walk out. Authorities dragged the water, nothing. Sophie Carlton is the third Lake Manitoc drowning this year. None of the other bodies were found either. They had a funeral two days ago."

"A funeral?" Sam asks.

"Yeah, it's weird, they buried an empty coffin. For, uh, closure or whatever."

"How is that closure? If the coffins empty then the body is still out there. Doesn't sound like closure at all."

"You have a point there Y/n, also your hair is green." Sam points out, I groan and pull up my hoodie to hide my hair while Sam takes more notes. "Back to the topic. People don't just disappear, Dean. Other people just stop looking for them."

"Something you want to say to me?" Dean growled.

"The trail for Dad. It's getting colder every day."

"Sam's right Dean, it seems like whereever we go he was never there-" Dean silences me with his the wave of his hand.

"So what are we supposed to do?"

"I don't know. Something. Anything." Sam huffs.

"You know what? I'm sick of this attitude. You don't think I wanna find Dad as much as you do?"

"Yeah, I know you do, it's just-"

"I'm the one that's been with him every single day for the past two years, while you've been off to college going to pep rallies. We will find Dad, but until then, we're gonna kill everything bad between here and there. Okay?" Sam rolls his eyes, making Dean walk out of the Inn, shaking his head in disappointment. We left the Inn a few hours later, and the three of us made our way to our next case. Sam was in the back sleeping, while me and Dean were in the front.

"....So...." Dean suddenly says, desperately trying to strike up a conversation. "Are we gonna talk about it?"

"....Talk about what?"

"The kiss."

"....What kiss?"

"The one you gave me a few days ago, after we saved Haley and her brothers. I know you wanted to kiss me but you decided against it." My heart started pounding, what was there to talk about? I had a bad feeling of how this was gonna go.

"Dean-"

"Y/n I....I want to ok? Your....You make me feel...." He glances over at me, then travels down to my hand that's resting in my thigh. He slowly grabs it, and squeezes like I'll disappear.

"I make you feel what?...." I say getting his attention again.

".....I don't know, but when I'm around you I have this sick like feeling-a good sick like feeling. I've never felt this way before...but sadly we can't your still a kid and if we were to, ya know."

"I understand."

"I will promise you this, when you turn eighteen, I'm gonna give you a kiss you'll never forget. And one after that, and one after that, and one after that." He smiles but doesn't let go of my hand, and neither do I. We sat there for hours, just enjoying each other's company, hoping that this moment would never end.

~

When we got to Wisconsin, we make our way up to the house that belong to the Carlton's. Dean knocks on the door and a man opens it.

"Will Carlton?" Dean asks.

"Yeah, that's right."

"I'm Agent Ford, this is Agent Hamill and Samson. We're with the US Wildlife Service." Dean holds up an ID, Will leads us around the house and I notice that a man is sitting on a bench on the dock.

"She was about a hundred yards out." Will says. "That's where she got dragged down."

"And you're sure she didn't just drown?" Dean asks.

"Yeah. She was a varsity swimmer. She practically grew up in that lake. She was as safe out there as she was in her own bathtub.

"So no splashing? No signs of distress?" I questioned.

"No, that's what I'm telling you."

"So she was just pulled down but never came back up? Like kind of a shark attack?"

"Yea..."

"Did you see any shadows in the water? Maybe some dark shape breach the surface?" Sam wondered.

"No. Again, she was really far out there."

"You ever see any strange tracks by the shoreline?" Dean says.

"No, never. Why? Why, what do you think's out there?"

"We'll let you know as soon as we do." As Dean heads back to the car Sam catches up to me.

"So, you and my brother huh?" He smirks.

"We're not together."

"Yet, that's right I heard your conversation." My cheeks begin to burn, and my hair turns purple.

"So you were pretend sleeping?" You could hear the fear in my voice.

"No I tried to sleep, I just happened to overhear how Dean is gonna give you a kiss you'll never forget, and one after that, and one after that-"

"Shut up!" I push him lightly with my cheeks burning, he laughs as I walk even faster. We get back in the car, the next stop was the police station. It was silent, but I could feel Sam looking between me and Dean from the back seat.

"Can I help you Sam?" Dean demanded.

"Nope." Sam said with a smile, he was thinking about me and Dean.

"You keep looking at me then at Y/n."

"He heard our conversation Dean." I confess, Dean smirks and looks back at his brother.

"Sam you sly dog!"

"What, it's not my fault you two are loud talkers."

"Oh that's bullshit! You didn't sleep cause you wanted to know if something was gonna happen!" I laugh.

"Well something did...cause when it's your birthday-"

"Shut up Sam!" Me and Dean yelled in chorus.

~

The station was small, but somewhat cozy. I looked around as Dean introduced us as the Wildlife Service.

"Now, I'm sorry, but why does the Wildlife Service care about an accidental drowning?" Jake Devin's, the sheriff asked.

"You sure it's accidental? Will Carlton saw something grab his sister." Sam replies and we follow the sheriff into his office.

"Like what?" Jake motions to chairs in front of his desk. "Here, sit, please. There are no indigenous carnivores in that lake." Sam sits down while Dean offers the other seat to me. I smile at the gesture and kiss his cheek before I sat down. "There's nothing even big enough to pull down a person, unless it was the Loch Ness Monster."

"Yeah." Dean chuckles and Sam glances over at him.

"Will Carlton was traumatized, and sometimes the mind plays tricks." Jake sits down and continues. "We dragged that entire lake. We even ran a sonar sweep, just to be sure, and there was nothing down there."

"That's weird, though, I mean, that's, that's the third missing body this year." I state. "There had to be something there, Sophie Carlton was a varsity swimmer. There's no way she drowned...."

"I know. These are people from my town. These are people I care about." The sheriff admits, he seemed sad, but yet had a somewhat guilty look on his face. "Anyway..." Jake sighs. "All this...it won't be a problem much longer."

"What do you mean?" Sam leaned forward, obviously interested.

"Well, the dam, of course."

"Of course, the dam. It's, uh, it sprung a leak." Dean says, trying to make the conversation less awkward.

"It's falling apart, and the feds won't give us the grant to repair it, so they've opened the spillway. In another six months, there won't be much of a lake. There won't be much of a town, either. But as Federal Wildlife, you already knew that."

"Exactly, sorry it's been a long week." I apologize as a young woman, taps on the door.

"Sorry, am I interrupting?" She asks, me and Sam stand up knowing that it's time to probably leave. "I can come back later."

"Gentlemen, this is my daughter." The Sherrif says and I hold out my hand to her.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Y/n." We shake hands.

"Andrea Barr, Hi." She greets.

"They're from the Wildlife Service. About the lake." Andrea's father explains.

"Oh." Then a boy, walks in around Andrea. "Oh, hey there. What's your name?" I ask, with a smile but he walks away without speaking and Andrea follows, we do the same.

"His name is Lucas." She says and gives him some crayons out of a box.

"Is he okay?" Sam worried.

"My grandson's been through a lot, we all have." Jake stands and goes to the office door. "Well, if there's anything else I can do for you, please let me know."

"Thanks. You know, now that you mentioned it, could you point us in the direction of a reasonably priced motel?" Dean asks.

"Lakefront Motel. Go around the corner. It's about two blocks south." Andrea comments. "I'm headed that way anyway. So I'll walk you there."

"I think we can find it just fine." I say, Sam looks at me and smirks, he knew. I was jealous, she nods with a frown on her face and turns to Jake. "I'll be back to pick up Lucas at three." She turns to Lucas. "We'll go to the park, okay, sweetie?" Andrea kisses him on the head.

"Thanks again." Sam smiles and we walk out the door, Andrea walks outside with us.

"So, cute kid." Dean comments.

"Thanks." She says, then points south. "Like I said, two blocks, that way."

"Thanks." Sam says and she smiles at Dean. "Must be hard, with your sense of direction, never being able to find you a good pick up line." And with that she leaves while calling back over her shoulder. "Enjoy your stay!" Sam slaps Deans shoulder "'Kids are the best'? You don't even like kids."

"I love kids." Dean looks at Sam like he's offended.

"Name three children that you even know."

"Y/n?" He wraps an arm around me, with a smile on his face thinking he won this argument.

"She's older than Lucas, she's not a little kid anymore."

"She acts like a kid."

"Seriously?! I'm right here!" I rant, Dean rubs my head but I push his hand away playfully.

"See? Your pouting, and your short to." He chuckles. "Anyways let's get to that motel, we have work to do."

~

As soon as we got our room I grabbed some clothes and instantly claimed the bathroom. Sam went to get some food for us so it was just me and Dean. It had been a while since I felt hot water run down my back, and damn did it feel good. Sadly I had to get out and go back to reality, when I exited the bathroom Dean was watching Dr. Sexy. I put my stuff down and settled next to Dean.

"So Dr. Sexy?" I asked, I could hear him hum in response. "Well that doctor is pretty hot."

"The girl or guy?"

"Both are good looking."

"Hm." I look over at him, he was staring at me.

"What?"

"Nothing...." He turns off the TV and sits on the edge of the bed, tiredly rubbing his face. I moved to his side, worried.

"Dean are you ok?" I put my hand on his, caressing it gently. He looks back at me, those eyes we're filled with...lust. He didn't take his eyes off of me. I scooted closer to him, making him blush at how close we were but he stayed focused on me.

"You know what?" He mutters.

"Hm?" I wondered, as he slowly got closer to me. "Screw it." Not even five seconds later he grabbed my waist and pulled me against him, smashing his lips against mine. I instantly kissed back, my hands traveling through his hair as he pulled me onto his lap. His rough lips went together with mine like a puzzle, he was kissing me with passion. This was it...our moment, the moment I had been waiting for. I tugged at his shirt, which he immediately took off, then his lips merged with mine once more. I could feel him smile, was he happy? Didn't he want to wait since I was to young? Who cares, who the hell cares right now, I focused my thoughts back on Dean who flipped us over. Now he was on top of me, kissing down my neck, making me moan.

"Dean?" Sam called out, making us both stop and slowly look over at him. He was holding our chinese food with a surprised look upon his features.

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