#saddest moment in history 4 me personally

[lanabenikosdoormat]

I FUCKING LOVE BAGELS AND CHAI TEA! I LOVE WAKING UP AND EATING BREAKFAST! I LOVE EATING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN RAHHHHHHH

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

Thanks for the tag @acrossthesestars & @emilykaldwen

1. Were you named after anyone? My middle name is my great-grandmother's first name

2. When was the last time you cried? Like, a good proper cry? I don't know, a while ago probably. Like a few months? I got a little teary eyed just today though because I'm writing literally the saddest part of my fic right now 😅

3. Do you have kids? No, & I plan on it staying that way

4. What sports do you play/have you played? None consensually

5. Do you use sarcasm? Not, like, often, but it has it's place. I'm more of a "deliver this whatever way is funniest at the moment" type person

6. What's the first thing you notice about people? I'm...honestly not sure? I've never thought about it before.

7. What's your eye color? My family thinks they're blue, I think they're gray. So...I guess blue-gray?

8. Scary movies or happy endings? This feels like a weird dichotomy, but I guess happy endings. I love horror movies, but I like knowing if the character I imprinted on is gonna be okay.

9. Any talents? I like to think I'm good at drawing & writing, & no one's told me any different recently in a way that stuck

10. Where were you born? Central Mississippi in the US

11. What are your hobbies? Drawing, writing, video games, ttrpgs, embroidery, doll collecting, reading, anime is considered a hobby in some circles 🤷🏻‍♀️

12. Do you have any pets? I have one (1) old man cat & he is the light of my life

13. How tall are you? 5'5"

14. Favorite subject in high school? History

15. Dream job? Don't have one. I used to have those, but I got all that metaphorically beat out of me & now I'm just pretty content to do office stuff & have everything else be just for me. Because, like, lowkey, I kind of hate anything as soon as it stops being my idea/is on anyone else's terms.

Tagging (if you want to): @murmel-malt, @asoiastarks, @toxicjayhoo, @cerseiwexler, @vamprlestat, & @dismalzelenka

[yanderememes]

Sooo uhh, I read the headcanon about Darling falling for Giorno's most trusted subordinates (aka Fugo and Mista) and that got me thinking, what if they're actually in love with darling?

I low-key headcanon Mista would try to flirt back but not too much. (because Giorno is always watching) Instead of initiating first he'd just reciprocate. He would call darling your highness and such things like that but he wouldn't try to get too playful. Though it did cost him having four's inside of his house lol (It hurts him by the way, if only he could just shamelessly shower you with affection in front of everyone.)

For Trish, (I wanted to include her since we should give love for the ladies) same as Mista but more revealing. Trish's personality was already fun and playful before she even met Darling. Though, this wouldn't stop Giorno getting suspicions since everytime she meets someone she'd be a bit of a primadonna before warming up to people. Don't get me wrong, he's glad that his friends get along with you though he still prefers you with him and him only.

Now for Fugo, (the saddest one in the bunch just kidding it's Giorno lol) he would try to stay away from darling as much as possible. The guilt of him not joining the gang back in Venice already ate him up. He's not gonna break this second chance again just because of Don Giovanna's 'partner'. He's still in love of course, he'd freeze everytime you approach and praise him. Sadly, he values his loyalty (as much as he loves darling) more than his own satisfaction. Mista and Trish would be disappointed because you're always at Giorno's isolated island private villa though 'not' this man. Each of them would cherish the few moments when he brings you at the headquarters, though he'll ignore you nonetheless. No matter how much he tries to deny it, he'd still wonder what would've been if you met him first.

Same ending, Giorno gets cucked for the 164384974th time.

Yan!Giorno getting cucked is the most canonically hilarious thing in my yandere jojo verse 😂😂

If Fugo and Mista fell in love with darling then I think it'd be a comedy tbh lmao. Like imagine all the shenanigans Mista gets himself into to get darling's attention.

Meanwhile, Giorno continues to get cucked. He can't do anything to Mista or Fugo because he needs them. It won't be easy to find their replacements and given their history, Giorno can't easily let them go. But he does get his vengeance in other ways.

Mista's apartment is filled with things in quantities of 4. Mista is traumatized and has retired. For now...

Fugo is tortured with having to teach people math with an IQ of 2. The anger that comes with having to teach incompetent people but also the pain of being reminded of Narancia 😢

If Trish was still involved, I don't think Giorno would do anything to her. She's busy as it already is being a pop star so she doesn't have any time to flirt with his darling. It's like there's this silent rivalry between them.

I can see Mista always chatting up darling and trying to make them laugh. But darling can't really laugh with the situation they're in.

Fugo longingly looks at darling from afar (and honestly is the biggest contender because darling is curious about this quiet but smart boi 🙃)

Giorno is no idiot. Of course, he notices the behaviour of his subordinates and how darling sometimes reciprocates. But while he's brooding about how he made darling's life miserable, all his subordinates are just shooting their shot.

[mythomagic29]

Mass Effect Legendary Edition - 30 Day Character Challenge

I've made a Character Development Challenge for your Shepards. I've taken inspiration from a bunch of different challenges. I love fleshing out my characters. Giving them a History, figuring out their feelings and thoughts. It really helps me connect with my character. Hope you enjoy expanding on your character! Day 1. Introduction· Name/Sign/Gender: Where does your character stand with their morality? Anything else you want to include? Day 2. Appearance· Hair color/cut - Eye color - Notable scars? How did they get them? Any tattoos? What do they represent? Day 3. Preferences· Favorite color?· What kinds of food do they like?· What is her Fashion Sense? What type of environment do they prefer spending time in?· Favorite type of music? · Genre of books? Vids?· Anything else that needs mentioned? Day 4. Service Record· Pre-Service History (Spacer, Earthborn, or Colonist): Psychological Profile (Sole Survivor, War Hero, or Ruthless): Training (class)? What made them pick that? Why did they join the military? Day 5. Personality· Overall summary of their personality Character strengths?· Character weaknesses?· Does your character grow at all during the game? Does anything change? Day 6. History/Character· Outside Game Canon, Did you expand on Shepard’s Past? What Language(s) does your Shepard speak? What Interests do they have? What Skills do they possess? Day 7. Fear· Does Shepard have any trival fears, like spiders or clowns?· What about more complex fears, like losing someone?· How do they deal with their fears? · Do they have any nightmares? What about? Day 8. Mass Effect 1 Squad· How does Shepard feel about their squadmates? Garrus- Tali- Liara- Wrex- Ashley- Kaidan- Day 9. Normandy SR-1 Crew What about the rest of the crew? Joker- Chakwas - Engineer Adams - Navigator Pressly - Jenkins- Day 10. Mass Effect 1 Romance· What’s your Shepard’s sexual orientation?· Who did they romance? What type of relationship is it/how do they handle the relationship(s)? Does Shepard and their romance have any interesting kinks?· What drew them to each other? What do they talk about? Day 11. Citadel· What were their initial thoughts about the Citadel? What is Shepard’s Relationship with the Council? What was the initial impression and future impressions of the people below: Anderson Udina Conrad Day 12. Mass Effect 1 Decisions· Did Shepard Recruit Everyone to her team? Did Shepard Save or Shut Down the Colony on Feros? Did Shepard Save or Kill the Rachni Queen? Did Shepard Save the Hostages or pursue Balak on the Asteroid? Does Wrex Live or Die on Virmire? Who did you save on Virmire and why? Did you Save the Destiny Ascension or Focus on Sovereign? Who did you Appoint to the Council and why? Day 13. Mass Effect 1 Reflection What was Shepard’s favorite Mission? Worst Mission? What was Shepard’s hardest decision? Favorite NPC? Day 14. Cerberus What were their initial thoughts about Cerberus bringing them back? What were their thoughts about working with Cerberus? How did Shepard change from when they were in the Alliance as a Spectre to working with Cerberus? What was Shepard’s relationship with the Illusive Man? Day 15. Faith and Death Does your Shepard believe in a religion? Why or why not?· How devout are they to their faith? Or how militant are they with their atheism?· How does Shepard feel about dying twice? Did they see anything? Day 16. Mass Effect 2 Squad· How does Shepard feel about their squadmates? How was their Reunion if from ME1? Garrus- Tali- Grunt - Thane- Jack- Miranda- Jacob- Legion- Samara &/or Morinth- Mordin- Kasumi - Zaeed- Day 17. Normandy SR-2 Crew How does Shepard feel about the rest of the crew? Joker- Chakwas - Kelly Chambers- Kenneth Donnely & Gabriella Daniels- Mess Sergeant Gardner - EDI- Did Shepard take care of her Fish? Were they able to keep them alive? Day 18. Old Squadmates How did Shepard feel about seeing their old squadmates? How was the reunion? Liara Kaidan or Ashley Wrex Day 19. Mass Effect 2 Romance· What’s your Shepard’s sexual orientation?· Who did they romance? Was there a love triangle? What type of relationship is it/how do they handle the relationship? If they romanced someone different, how do they feel about their old partner and what made them end the relationship? Does Shepard and their romance have any interesting kinks?· What drew them to each other? What do they talk about? Day 20. Mass Effect 2 Reflection What was Shepard’s favorite Mission? What was your favorite Loyalty Mission? What was Shepard’s hardest decision to make? Favorite NPC? Day 21. Mass Effect 3 Squad· How does Shepard feel about their squadmates? Garrus- Tali- Liara- Ashley or Kaidan- Javik - James Vega - EDI - Day 22. Normandy ME3 Crew What about the rest of the crew? Joker- Chakwas or Chloe Michel - Samantha Taynor - Steve Cortez- Engineer Adams - Diana Allers Day 23. Mass Effect 3 Romance· What’s your Shepard’s sexual orientation?· Who did they romance? Was there a love triangle? What type of relationship is it/how do they handle the relationship(s)? If they romanced someone different, how do they feel about their old partner? Did your Shepard have a hard time choosing between partners? Does Shepard and their romance have any interesting kinks?· What drew them to each other? What do they talk about? Day 24. Mass Effect 3 Decisions· Did they pick Destroy, Control, Synthesis, or Refuse? How did they feel when making their decision? If Shepard could leave any last message, what would they have said? If they pick Destroy and Lived, what happens to Shepard? Day 25. Mass Effect 3 Reflection What was Shepard’s favorite Mission? What was Shepard’s hardest decision to make? Favorite NPC? Day 26. Beliefs & Opinions What are Shepard’s opinions on the Genophage? What are Shepard’s opinions on the Quarian/Geth Conflict? What is Shepard’s favorite Alien Species? Day 27. R&R Does Shepard relax, or are they itching to get back into action?· Do they have any hobbies or talents?·. How often do they take a moment when they go to different planets? What do they do in different cities to relax?· What is Shepard’s alcohol tolerance? What does Shepard like to drink? Favorite way to relax? Day 28. Personal Style· What do they wear when they’re on duty? What about when they’re not? How do they decorate their cabin? · How do they dance, if at all? Are they clean or messy? Favorite Place on the Normandy? Favorite City? Day 29. Fighting Style· What was their favorite skill? Least favorite?· Favorite gun/guns?· How are they in hand to hand combat?· Do they tend to rush in or stay back and dictate action? Day 30. Mako Was your Shepard a good driver?· Favorite driving terrain? Least favorite? What Squadmates hated or loved traveling in the Mako Day 31. Ending What happens to your old companions after the final decision? How does the Day of the Final Decision go down in history? What was Shepard’s saddest or most difficult moment? Day 32. Face to Face How much of your Shepard is based off of you? Where are you alike? Where do you differ?· Would you get along with your Shepard? What would you do if you spent the day together? Day 33. Playlist· Find any number of songs that you feel fit your character, their relationship with any of their companions, or a specific moment in their story. List them here.

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

since my brain has apparently decided that bouncing back between the 1987 and 2019 met dialogues salve reginas (thank you @smile-at-the-stars for making both productions easily available love you) is the only thing it is allowed to do after a certain point at night, here is my compare and contrast of the two:

[of course, there are factors that affect this such as hd vs non-hd filming, different choices, different personal histories with each, etc.]

staging of the prelude to tableau 4, act iii: both are great. i’ll give the slight edge to the 1987 version just because the choral acting is much more ruthlessly brutal and violent in the 1987 version.

tempo of the actual salve regina: 2019 version wins here; nézét-seguin goes for a heavier tempo, which suits the moment better imo.

madame lidoine’s final interaction with the other carmelites: i’m torn on this one—jessye norman and adrianne pieczonka have very different but equally valid approaches, the former more filled with strength and the latter more maternal. in the end, i’d have to say slightest edge goes to pieczonka in the 2019 for the sole reason that she kisses constance on the forehead and it’s the most adorable and saddest thing ever. 🥺

the carmelites themselves: dead tie on the acting, which is magnificent in both productions, intensely human and still full of grace and faith. the 1987 group stands out against the larger chorus better, while the 2019 group has a much better blend while still sounding like individuals. i’d have to say edge goes to the 2019.

both the chaplains are good actors, so i’d say that’s a tie. (also not entirely a fair comparison given that the 2019 version glances over to the chaplain much more often.)

guillotine sounds: i feel like honestly this has to do entirely with hd vs non-hd. both are really good. the 2019 is clearer just because of hd and surround sound.

lighting: somehow the 2019 lighting is just too bright (maybe that’s my Autism Light Sensitivity), maybe this has to do with the hd vs non-hd, but yeah, 1987 lighting for me all the way.

blanche making her way back in: 2019 automatically wins because we don’t see her make her initial entrance into the crowd. the 1987 version does show blanche coming into the crowd and personally i feel like it kinda hampers the final effect.

chorus and orchestra: both sound amazing either way because it’s the met. however, and this is almost certainly exclusively due to differences in recording technology, the 1987 version sounds warmer and it wins.

constance freaking out at the scaffold and blanche coming out of the crowd so they reunite: 1987 VERSION ALL THE WAY. it’s hard to explain but it just feels more full of grace and true to the moment.

blanche’s final address and execution: once again, 1987 version all the way. maria ewing gets blanche in this moment perfectly. (she and felicity lott are THE two best blanches de la force for me, but anyway.) i love isabel leonard to death and she’s a great blanche; at the same time, having her walk backwards to the scaffold with a huge grin on her face feels wrong for the moment. also there’s a really awkward pause in the 2019 version because apparently whoever was making the guillotine noises missed something, so there’s an awkward about-5-second pause after she finishes her final line before the guillotine noise, while the cutoff (pun not intended) is perfectly timed in the 1987 performance.

the walkoff/final reveal: absolutely brilliant ending staging from john dexter, perfectly executed by all. no notes, dead tie.

also, um. audiences for both performances: could you at the very least wait a few seconds until the curtain falls and you start clapping? thanks.

i’d say overall the 1987 version is slightly better but both, as with the overall performances themselves, are magnificent and more than worth watching.

[also the 1987 version has a special place in my heart because long before i ever saw any incarnation of the full production, i listened pretty much exclusively to a youtube video of that performance of the salve regina for about a week in early 2018 after receiving some devastating personal news, so it’ll always have a special place.]

[somestansomewhere]

Frank’s Dementia in 11a

Points to discuss:

Moments where Frank forgot.

Things he might be able to remember.

Other characters finding out.

Aftermath...

So to start of, I made a list of every instance in SEASON ELEVEN A, where Frank’s memory seemed a bit off, I’m not gonna analyze the whole series for this but I’m sure there’s more there. Now:

Moments Where Frank Forgot

11x01

1. Frank’s History of Chicago

While this does appear to imply just the opening monologue, there are actually several moments throughout the episode where Frank is talking about the Gallagher’s running Chicago to Alan. And while this seems like typical “Frank being drunk nonsense”, plus a spectacular opening to the season... I now see it in a different light especially after:

2. Frank’s Memory Elixir

Frank LITERALLY has a line asking for “memory elixir”, meaning booze, which Alan hands him. Ironic since he has ALCOHOLIC DEMENTIA. You can’t tell me that wasn’t intentional!

3. He Forgot Bars Were Closed

Now, I may be reaching here... BUT when Frank enters The Alibi for the first time this season (what a grand enterence btw) he says “I heard somewhere all bars were open again”. V responds by saying something along the lines of “three weeks ago maybe” and that the mayor shut them down again. Frank says “Well who the hell can keep track”. And okay, yeah maybe Frank genuinely didn’t know... but this is the bar he goes to EVERYDAY. Not to mention if they shut down less than THREE WEEKS AGO, Frank should know... idk this one might not count but I added it anyway. Kermit is unaware of bars being open/shut down in 11x03 so moving on:

11x02

4. The Alibi’s Secret Enterence

Okay, again REACHING! However, when Frank entered The Alibi through the Keg Zone door he forgot to use the “secret knock” and Kev had to remind him about it. Now in 11x01 he used the front door (and I’m not sure he knew to use the other door in that ep) but still at least he remembered to use the correct door in 11x02.

11x03

This is where it got noticeable.. strap in, here we go:

5. Taking Franny to School

He took her to the wrong school. This is the same person that knows the Southside perhaps better than his kids (lol), like the back of his hand! He not only took her to the wrong school but a middle/grade school. Franny is in elementary/preschool school. You can see in WHM’s face here that Frank was confused...

6. Uncle V and Aunt Kev

Maybe just a comedic slip up, but Frank calls Kev and V “Uncle V and Aunt Kev” as opposed to what they really are. Maybe he forgot? I’m reaching LOL.

7. Debbie Is Not Fiona

Frank talks about one of his favorite MEMORIES with Franny’s mom: Debbie, but “oh no, maybe that was Fiona”. Small moment, typical Frank but... nonetheless, poor memory. The writers are smart by mentioning Fiona in this scene... it’s “a Fiona mention”, we’re going to remember this, and that’s probably why they did it.

8. The Paper Store

Yeah, this was the first red flag for me and if I can recall, the moment EVERYONE knew something seemed off. Frank, walks out of the paper store with Franny and cannot remember where he is, or where they are headed. Once he is reminded of their “goals” for the day (by Franny, a five year old) he proceeds to head to the paper store... Franny once again let’s him know that they already went there and Frank notices the paper already in his (Franny’s) backpack. Ouch.

11x04

9. The Nation of Islam

Ooo this one hurt! After Frank suggests to visit The Nation of Islam in an attempt to get their help to get rid of the Milkoviches, him, Kev, and Liam do. We SEE them go there. It’s a whole scene, so later in the episode when Frank suggests to go ask them for help AGAIN as if it were a completely new idea, we as an audience know they already did that. As Kevin says they “JUST did that”. Frank forgot. Shit.

11x05

10. Mrs.McCurdy

Frank discusses with Kev about murdering Mrs.McCurdy, later he tries to murder her. We see it, we remember it becaue she grabbed Frank’s dick. It was funny, the scene evoked laughter, it forces the audience to remember it. Frank mindlessly walks into The Alibi and Kev asks Frank if he “did the thing”. Now at first Frank is confused. They were using “quotation talk” earlier so yeah I get it, but then when Kevin is more direct with Frank, Frank thinks Kev is implying that he had sex with Mrs.McCurdy... Frank is clearly confused. Only then does Kev point out that he meant MURDER. Frank takes a second, again if you watch he does not know what Kev is talking about, but then it hits him, and he remembers. Thus continuing the convo like nothing.

11x06

11. Monica

Now this one REALLY hurt. Frank’s first scene of the episode is a sex scene between him and Letty. She’s blonde, and Frank calls her Monica. He truly believes he is sleeping with Monica, only Monica is dead, she been since season seven. When Letty mentions that she isn’t Monica (thinking Frank calling her that was only a sex thing), we see WHM’s brilliant preformence once again. Frank doesn’t know what Letty means, he thinks she’s Monica. Then when he realizes she isn’t, he gets this lost dejected look on his face. He’s confused and knows that he keeps getting confused.

Frank says “I gotta get to work”. Letty asks him where he works and Frank is left bewildered.

12. Seven

Okay so remember Frank and Franny’s adventure in 11x03? Frank visits a dry cleaners to get some weed. They make a point of Franny saying that Frank will pay SEVEN for the weed. No offer is made and Frank must get it somewhere else. Throughout the episode Frank refterences SEVEN to Kev & V as the asking price to sell. We as an audience are forced to remember SEVEN. Also in 11x03, as Debbie frantically looks for Frank/Franny, she visits the dry cleaners where they were (retracing their steps). We as an audience have been there twice.

Now, in 11x06 Frank goes to pick up an order but like, we already saw him go there episodes ago. When the woman behind the counter literally tells him she has nothing for him and he argues with her, WE KNOW she is right. Once again, Frank forgot. I’m so sad. Not only that but Kev and V don’t have Frank going on runs anymore. Ian & Mickey are doing it... Frank is legit lost and forgot that he’s not doing that anymore, Kev tells him he’s not in 11x04.

Ms.G even says to Frank that she doesn’t need to write anything down to remember it because the “Mind’s a steel trap”. She doesn’t owe him... she can use her mind to remember where Frank cannot. The irony.

13. Pedestrian, Blue, Handlebar (abc)

a) Frank getting hit in the head results in him having a visit to the hospital where a nurse discovers that Frank has no clue how he got there and more specifically, how he got hit in the first place.

b) The saddest part, when asked his name he remembers FRANK. But has to look down at her sheet to know his last name is GALLAGHER. This is the man who walks around saying “It’s up to Frank Gallagher to save the neighborhood”. He forgot his last name.

c) The scene goes on, the nurse asks him to remember three words: pedestrian, blue, and handlebar. They discuss other things, then she asks him to tell her those words. It’s so abundantly clear that Frank just cannot. He doesn’t remember. He was told like 30sec ago and gets, for the first time ASHAMED. He’s the most shameless person ever (hence the title of the show) but now the tides have turned. He “doesn’t wanna play this game anymore”. Frank can recognize AGAIN that he is confused, only now he is forced to face it. The nurse noticed, she runs some tests and Frank learns that he has early stages of alcoholic dementia. This isn’t his liver, he can’t get a new one, this is his brain.

14. + 15. Letty & Terry

Just two bonuses, Frank wanders aimlessly into the Alibi again (like in 11x05) because it’s routine for him. Letty calls him over. Frank forgot they were supposed to meet there. :(

Frank and Terry on the porch: Maybe it’s just bad writing or they were trying to make a point but like a “Gallagher-Milkovich War” never happened??? We watched the show for 11 seasons... Also are the Milkoviches actually from Poland Frank? I’ll excuse that one cuz Ian mentioned it too, but I thought they wer Ukrainian. These seem like writing mistakes tho so oops.

Things He Might Be Able To Remember

Frank has his and Franny’s name tattooed on his body... he literally forgot his last name at the hospital. And if he forgets a bunch in 11b then that’ll be the payoff for the tattoo... he might not know why the tattoo is there or who the people are listed on his arm, or even what it means exactly, but he will know that Frank loves Franny.

Where he lives. Frank never threw out the paper with his diagnosis. He might remember his home, however the conflict comes in the fact that the Gallaghers might be selling it. He needs to be around people/places that are familiar to him. This could jeopardize his memory.

The Alibi is where Frank seems to just walk to or go to whenever he has no clue where he is or going but it’s subtle. I could see him getting lost and no one knowing where he is and Frank just being at the Alibi beacuse idk muscle memory? He’s on autopilot.

Early stages of ALCOHOLIC Dementia can improve. Like if maybe Frank were to tell someone and if he wasn’t removed from the Gallagher house, and oh I don’t know if Frank STOPPED DRINKING, he could remember. But I don’t think we’re heading in that direction, especially if the house is sold, and let’s face it... it looks that way.

Fiona? Will he forget her... this all feels reminiscent of 4x11.

Other Characters Finding Out

Franny, Kevin, and Liam, are the only people who have REALLY been subject to the possibility of noticing... but think about it. Franny is too young to notice anything, Kevin is not the brightest bulb, he doesn’t seem to realize it either, and Liam was exposed to it once, but at that time he was so scared about the Milkoviches that he didn’t notice it. Maybe if he saw it again, he would. Liam is smart enough.

I wonder if the Gallaghers will just find out the hard way (,like those stills from 11x08 are making me think,) or if anyone will begin to seriously pick up on it. I intially thought they would show Frank forgetting in front of each character until someone was able to notice but scratch that. They seem to be setting Lip up on the “alcoholic path” this season, (and I may go more into depth about that one another time, it’s another big post if I do get into it). But what will the Gallagher’s reactions/feelings be towards Frank’s diagnosis? Mickey and Ian had many Terry/Frank discussions in 11x06 literally setting up for it. It hurt when they all kept dismissing Frank because yup, they don’t know yet. They would have to help him in order to keep his memory maintained, but that’s the thing... Frank’s pride. He might deny their help even if they actually were to give it to him... Either way, I’m “looking forward” to see how this all unravels and how everyone finds out and what their reactions will be, which brings me to my final topic:

Aftermath...

So what happens? Will they sell the house, potentially causing Frank to forget? Will he not know his kids, his history? Will he die? Will Frank finally stop drinking... yeah I doubt that... So what WILL happen? Will the Gallaghers be left to take care of Frank? Will they even do that? Will he remember them?

What if in 1x01 Frank’s narration IS his memory? We see him talking about his kids to someone? It circles back? I don’t know, but either way I expect this whole thing to pull on our heartstrings. When the rest of the regulars find out... it’s gonna get real, and rough.

Interesting stuff coming up in 11b I’m sure. Let’s see how this plays out for our Protagonist and Patriarch: Frank Gallagher.

Omg, if you read through this, you are so cool and I really really appreciate you! Please send me an ask or write a note, I would love to get your take on the matter. 💙

Hope you enjoyed this analysis and I hope it didn’t go on too long.

[ellsey]

Agents of Shield Rewatch 7x09 As I Have Always Been

First of all, we’re not going to discuss how many times I’ve seen this episode because...welll...the number is pretty high. But this is legit my #1 favorite episode of all time. This episode is an example of this show firing on all cylinders and just at it’s absolute best. And it’s really one of the last times we get to see our family all working together, and that’s where I think this show gets its strength. 

Anyway, this may get super long idk I just have a lot of feelings about this ep.

The number of times Chloe must have had to film waking up in this thing is probably pretty high

Ok first things first, my very favorite thing is Sousa using that box of gloves as a pillow because having spent a good portion of my lower to mid-20s in labs I will not pretend like I haven’t considered doing that

“I was so much happier asleep” MY MOOD EVERY SINGLE DAY

94 km away...I’m going to try and keep track of these numbers

Sousa’s face at the smell of Deke’s 80′s cologne hahahaha

And now we’re in our loop #2 (but who knows the real number)

Ok, since I used to be a med tech (aka I worked in a hospital lab), I have questions about why they have so many green and blue tubes there. I mean...green tops are heparin tubes so I guess you can use those for basic chemistry tests, so that might be usable for multiple things. But those blue tops? That’s sodium citrate and the only thing I know of we used those for were coagulation tests. Which require some specific equipment. Does Jemma plan to run that many PT/PTTs?? And on what???

LOOK I HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS ABOUT THAT OK

And yes I remember those anticoagulants by heart still

The repeating title card is :chef’s kiss:

Daisy very quickly realizes she’s looping

91 km now

I’m wondering if there was something cut here by the way Sousa says, “See?” to Simmons as if we are missing some part of a conversation they had

My guess would be Jemma was all “You can go rest in your bunk you know Agent Sousa” and he’s like “Nope, gotta make sure Daisy rests” and Jemma’s like “...do you though?” and Sousa’s all “Yep. She will not do it on her own. Trust me.”

Maybe there’s enough for a fic plot in there

Ok, we’re now on loop #3

Daisy also very quickly realizes that she’s waking Sousa up with her boots and is very quiet so he can get some sleep

Awwww

I kind of wish I knew what May was sensing from Daisy right about now

I love love that Robo Coulson is so over this

The way he says “This guy” KILLS ME

So Coulson knows of 87 loops, but we know in this case Daisy didn’t wake him for 2 loops this time...we’re going to be doing some mathing soon lads

Also we just covered loops #4 and #5 since the ep started

Coulson says this is loop #90 which matches up still

And loop #6 for us now

Daisy was kind of loud there but didn’t wake up Sousa sooo...idk

79 km now

I love that Daisy realizes that to solve faster she needs the entire team

This must be loop #7 because Deke now says they are 65 km from the vortex

“It’s kind of hard to access” YOU DON’T SAY

And now people know about Jemma’s implant which...FINALLY

Phlebotinum is an amazing word bless

Making yourself cough like that seems like a rough day of filming 

And directing

Deke’s face when Nana is dead though :(

Loop #8

It was sabotage!!!

But also Daisy died so we’re starting over memory-wise

Loop #9

48 km

Daisy legit forgot about her boots waking Sousa up too ha

Loop #10

And this time we wake up Coulson again

41 km

Enoch, Deke, and Jemma standing there is so freaking hilarious

Jemma is so done even though she doesn’t remember any of this hahaha

Loop #11

This is the one where we try to get Elena out and helping

Loop #12

Phlebotinum!

Sousa finally woke up on his own I guess

That smile when he says, “Reminds me of my SSR days” like

He lives for this chaos he just doesn’t want to admit it

Also look at him being a smart agent here

And let’s talk about the trust Sousa has in Daisy for a sec

He not just immediately believes her about the time loops, but he immediately understands what she is saying about what is happening. Thus he knows this isn’t really a sacrifice play because he’ll come back AND he’ll have saved her the trouble of forgetting. But also, he trusts her so implicitly that he’s willing to risk his life for her. 

It’s beautiful y’all

And poor Daisy has to add watching Sousa die to her list of traumas cool cool cool

Although that does give me writing ideas...

Loop #13

Daisy immediately pops up to ensure herself that Sousa is still there napping away and like

I legit thought this was going to be the peak Dousy moment in this episode when she stops and just watches him breathing for a bit hahaha

She does not want to leave him there either and then the way she says, “We’re making progress” then adds a kind of soft “thanks to Sousa” like

Daisy is going through some stuff here

Coulson is going through some stuff too

Clark Gregg is killllllling this

And Coulson realizes that Enoch is the problem

“Oh dear” ENOCH HAHAHAHA

Loop #14

“Why do you care?” “Because you don’t”

Ummmmm MY HEART

But Daisy is not just accepting that he’s willing to die for her, she wants to know why now

Which obviously we will circle back to in a few loops or so

See, Jemma says she has to be awake to remove them implant...I guess the difference before was that Enoch wasn’t removing it?

Idk that makes no sense

Loop #15

Send in Sousa to distract Enoch

That “Hello!!” omg Sousa no

Sousa is surprisingly bad at this

Sousa’s muffled “Sorry” KILLS ME

As does Daisy’s face

Loop #16

Appeal to Enoch’s sense of irony

Loop #17

Have Jemma countermand her previous order

Loop #18

Bring in the whole gang

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS KILLS ME

“Where’d he get all those weapons?”

Poor dead Deke

Them realizing it doesn’t matter because they’ll all come back

The way May looks like she’s relaxing

Sousa’s feet framing Daisy’s face

Legit this is amazing and I love it

Loop #19

“Actually, I can take a loop” 

WE LOVE TO SEE IT

“It all phases me, just maybe not my face”

Ummmmm sir

Your face

While lovely it definitely gives you away

The saddest thing to me about this is that Daisy can’t seem to understand why he’s always willing to help and wants to watch over her. It’s like she still doesn’t think she’s worthy of being treated like this.

“Some of my favorite people are people like you” I CRY

Whew there’s a lot to parse here. 

First of all, I think Daisy actually really likes that Sousa is seemingly not phased by anything (or at least, not super bothered by it) because her life is always going to be chaotic that’s just facts

Second, in this very short time of knowing her, Sousa definitely has her pegged. He knows that she craves other people, but is also probably a bit scared to want to be around other people. He knows she’s hopelessly stubborn, but that’s because she cares so much. And he knows that she needs someone to have her back no matter what, because she won’t have her own.

Of course, there’s also a personal element here as indicated by the next part of their conversation. 

Also of note, when Daisy is pressing with the questions, wanting to know why he’s always there for her, she’s leaning forward while he sits back. 

Now though, when the question is a bit more personal, she sits back in a very protective stance. I think she’s a little scared of what he’ll say to her question. Because she realizes that she likes him. A lot. And what if he’s just like a generally good guy and this has nothing to do with her?

But of course, it has everything to do with her as indicated by what Sousa says next. “Not for everyone. It helps if they’re fun to be around, and if they say what they mean, and if they have that super power where they can rock things around which is very impressive.”

And Daisy’s immediate response?? SHE SMILES. Like...this is what she needs and what she wants but what she’s been too afraid to go after. And here it is just falling in her lap.

Now that everything is out in the open, they are both leaning towards each other...

Also I love that she says, “That’s awfully specific” and he doesn’t shy away from her. He just agrees with her. They both know what that really means.

And they both like it

Legit here I was chanting KISS KISS KISS but I thought it was a missed moment

I am so happy I was wrong

So the new plan is to misdirect Enoch by having Sousa go in to take the implant out, but really Sousa is leading Enoch into a fight with him, Mack, May, and Elena and like what a squad

But also this was a super plan, and I wonder if Coulson was involved or if this was Daisy/Sousa original

Either option seems likely

“Next time, same thing but faster” 

Daisy is really good at following instructions y’all

Loop #20

Daisy asks for help and Sousa immediately agrees to help and THAT IS WHAT DID IT FOR DAISY JOHNSON FRIENDS

Like...I know she’s feeling under the gun for time because Coulson said same thing but faster

But also, peak romance is someone just wanting to help her no questions asked which, given her history makes complete sense

She needs a constant, someone who will be there for her no matter what

I feel like this started in some ways with Lincoln. He was just so sweet and helpful to her. And granted he had his own demons to deal with, but in the end he was willing to give up everything to save the world and Daisy herself.

But he also showed Daisy that she could expect love and support and she was worthy of that (even if she doubted it later)

So here’s this guy, who’s just smart and kind and good and clearly into her

So, knowing that this could be one of her lasts chance to do this and realizing that at any rate he’ll totally forget about it anyway, she makes a move

And like this kiss?? It’s hot y’all

You can tell Daisy just like lol Imma kiss him, but then they are both caught in this moment and go back for me

But also he definitely led for that second kiss 

“That was nice” like hahahaha amazing undersell Daisy

And then she traces his collarbone like whoa I need to fan myself for a bit

“Now we need to drop a space robot”

I can’t tell what Sousa is more confused by- that statement or the kiss itself

Imagine being Sousa though. You just got woken up by this beautiful woman who asks for you help then kisses you when you say “Sure thing.”

He’s truly living the dream

Oh also we’re 11 km from the vortex now

It turns out Enoch is the answer to all our problems

But also we have to kill him in the process :(

And then poor Simmons has a breakdown over leaving Alya presumably, but also she’s a better mom than me because after 3 years in space with one of my little super geniuses I’d be more than ready for a vacay idk

I love my kids but they are...a lot

And finally, Loop #21

I guess Daisy left Sousa to sleep for this loop

<1 km from the vortex too eek

Enoch immediately understands what is happening :(

I love that Enoch has reached the point where he feels like this entire crew is his family and would sacrifice themselves for him

Enoch didn’t feel lonely until he had friends :((

This whole thing is breaking my heart...not just Enoch in the process of dying, but Coulson actually talking about his deaths and Daisy having to try and process all this

“Yet, this is the nature of families. I have seen it countless times on countless worlds. People arrive so we celebrate, and people leave us, so we grieve. We do what we can with the time in between, but the cycle is always there. No one escapes it. Not even me.”

This really got to me. My family has changed a lot through the years. People have come and gone. Babies have been born. People have died. And nothing I do can change this cycle. Sometimes it makes me happy; sometimes it hurts. But nothing I do can change that process, and that’s not always easy for me to accept.

I think Daisy and Coulson are having a moment here too, where Daisy is telling both Coulson and Enoch that even though they are not human, that doesn’t make them any less alive to the people who love them

RIP Enoch, you were the bestest Chronicom to ever robot

And of course we get one last buzzkill with Nathaniel and Kora

Queen Kora you deserve better

Ok first some timeloop math. We saw 21 loops on screen, but loop #5 was loop #90 for Coulson. So if we figure Daisy died say...every 10-15 ish time loops and it took her 2 or 3 to wake Coulson up, we can probably add an additional 25 time loops or so. So we’re probably looking at around 130 loops roughly.

Of course this begs the question, did Daisy decide to kiss Sousa more than once? It’s possible. I kind of like to think she did. 

First of all, mad props to Joel for nailing that death scene. He was absolutely incredible. And clearly this episode rates 1000000000/10 on the Dousy scale because like...everything. The talk, the kiss, the sacrifice...amazing. I was 95% sure I was getting ending Dousy after this. This episode also gets 50000/10 on the Teamwork! scale because our team did so well and were strongest when they worked together. And of course Enoch gets a 10000000000000000/10 on the Good Chronicom scale because he legit was the bestest Chronicom that could ever not-live.

Since we’re in a timeloop and not in a particular time period, I’m going with the Dousy-est of songs, “peace” by Taylor Swift.

[jewish-privilege]

[Originally published August 09, 2019] - (...) Tisha B’Av is the day that telescopes many of the main catastrophes of Jewish history in its entirety into one day... The events ascribed to the day have to do with separation between God and Israel, both spiritual and physical; the five events connected with the ninth of Av and the 17th of Tammuz, three weeks prior, are discussed in the Mishna Taanit 4:6.

(...) For those who have trouble with understanding the holiday, this explanation by Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik, the core teacher of modern Orthodoxy even 26 years after his 1993 death, should suffice: “We observe this saddest day of the year because we cannot understand why our people continues to suffer so much tragedy.” I definitely don’t understand how 11 devoted people could be killed as Jews in America in 2018. Since Oct. 27 [2018,] the place where we celebrated the bris of a congregant’s grandson became the place of the grandfather’s death; the same man who was the mohel at that joyous occasion then served on the chevra kadisha. The whole synagogue building has lain empty, a vacant shell, ghost structure standing as a vivid reminder of what is no more: 11 Jews killed only for the crime of worshipping as Jews on the Sabbath.

No longer an abstraction, these dirges for what is lost; now they encapsulate part of my reality. The reality that we can’t use the place where we had gathered in happy times—for a Purim megillah reading, play, and meal, a Sukkot dinner, a concert of Magavet, the Yale University Jewish singing group—is now a place of death and destruction whose name and photo are known internationally. The social hall where I have attended bar and bat mitzvahs and weddings, the same hall where I danced, became the area that Zaka and the chevra kadisha performed their sacred and tragic duties, and people l knew from other contexts, like my daughter’s SAT math tutor, were now in full-body protective wear and hairnets so that the bodily fluids they were cleaning up would not transfer to their own living bodies.

..And yet, I will read this verse from Lamentations on Saturday night: “the comforter who should restore my soul is far from me, my children are desolate because the enemy has prevailed.” (1:16) I have never felt more that there are so many to comfort me, my family, my community and that evil has not prevailed though it has done great damage(...) Congregants are stepping up to learn the synagogue skills possessed by those three of our congregants no longer with us. Looking up the Hebrew birthday for a woman who never had a bat mitzvah as a girl, we found the Torah portion for her birthday was the same as one of those who were killed. She will be reading that Haftarah in 2020 as well as in years to come.

Though it is not hard to get in mood for Tisha B’Av this year, since I feel like I have been enduring that feeling since Oct. 27, I also remember that even though the Temple was destroyed so many years ago, and was an unmitigated catastrophe, the expulsion of Jews from the land created the necessity to find new forms and ways to continue the religion.

“The nature of trauma,” Bessel van der Kolk a psychiatrist and expert in post-traumatic stress, has said, “is that you have no recollection of it as a story. The nature of traumatic experience is that the brain doesn’t allow a story to be created.” (...) The inability to create a story reminds me of the passage in the Babylonian Talmud Makkot 24b that Rabbi Amy Bardack taught as part of her class on “Jewish Texts of Resilience” at our community Shavuot Tikkun. Four rabbis are walking in the destroyed Jerusalem, on Mount Scopus and then the Temple Mount. One of them, Rabbi Akiva, laughs to see foxes scurrying over the Temple Mount (in Hebrew har habayit, literally the “mountain of home”) while the others are despondent. His colleagues interrogate him—how can you laugh when this place, once an abode of fear and trembling before God, is now so profaned that animals trample it? Rabbi Akiva explains to them about that the prophecies of Uriah during the First Temple and of Zechariah during the Second Temple, that the one, “Zion shall be plowed for a field” (Micah 3:12) is dependent on the other, “there shall yet be elderly men and elderly women in the streets of Jerusalem” (Zechariah 8:4). Destruction must transpire for redemption to happen. Akiva has created a way to tell the story; his laughter and its explanation stop the trauma, for the others tell him he has comforted them.

...My own personal version of transforming tragedy into renewed vigor to have laughter and joy came two weeks ago when I had a visit from a woman I met on the sherut (shared taxi) I took two months ago when I left Jerusalem, where I had been celebrating Passover, to return to the airport en route to Pittsburgh. The sherut driver only takes cash and at the end of my trip, I had none. So I had to ask the other passengers to spot me the money for a check or Venmo (if my kids assisted that interaction). Another passenger agreed, and we chatted. She told me she, too, was from Pittsburgh originally and would be here later in the summer. We exchanged emails, and I gave her my check. I hadn’t expected to hear from her further; however, when she was visiting in July, she emailed me and we set a date to have coffee. She told me the address of her childhood house: It was literally on the same block as mine, around the corner. I heard more of her story—a man followed her father home 25 years ago and broke in to murder him. Her mother had been terminally ill and died a few weeks later, as did her grandmother. But now, she told me, every birthday, every milestone, every moment with the grandchildren she moved to Israel to be near, brings her intense joy. The tragedies she suffered magnify her need to wring every bit of joy from each occasion, her pleasure highlighted by the knowledge that horror, too, may be around the corner.

I have a heightened grasp of the holiday of destruction this year. Yet, I also have a heightened awareness: Once ceased, joy may after all be renewed and restored.

[youarejesting]

My fics in 2020

I am proud of this year. I worked hard until the end. 2020 was my year of finishing my stories. I have done so much and next year I want to do more. So keep an eye out Jester will take over.

Fandom(s): BTS, mentions of NCT, BLACKPINK, MONSTA X.

Networks:@btscreatorscorner @castlebangtan

Total Fics: 34

Total chapters: 404

Total Words: 565,587 Total vids and fake subs: 13 

Best and Worst Title?

Best: ‘Music is the spark that sets my soul on fire’ and its sequel ‘Dance is the celebration of the flame’

Worst: The Check Up

Best and Worst first line?

Best: Yoongi never understood why people would say one's blood is important. (Mania)

Worst: It all started in Mykonos. (Steal my sunshine)

Best and Worst ending line?

Best: “I got you this pretty dress” Seokjin grinned showing you the dress before hugging you and giving your forehead a kiss, “Let’s go burn it” (Me & the ghost in number 23)

Worst: But all you got was a sharp-toothed smile. (Pandemonium)

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than, or about what was expected?

I think I wrote what I expected, but I think I could have definitely finished more. Which is a bit upsetting.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year? 

I don’t have limitations to my writing so nothing is deemed unpredictable.

I am however generally surprised by my love of throwing in twists and also gore, I love gore.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

Wild space: it is strange because I am not particularly a fan of space and scifi, but I am really into writing world building things and having the ability to create a whole planet was amazing.

Most popular story? 

Tumblr:

Seoulmates

Femme

Quarantine

AO3: 

Quarantine

BTS365

Love Listening

Story most underappreciated by the universe? 

Tiny Tan: Limited Edition

Story that could have been better? 

All

Sexiest story?

 Love Listening

Saddest story? 

 Me & the ghost in number 23

Fluffiest story? 

Mall Santa

Most fun story? 

BTS Among Us 

Hardest story to write? 

Kisaeng

Daylight (i'm still writing it haha)

Easiest/most fun story to write? 

Light it up

What story took the longest?

365 lol took all year

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? 

The biggest risk I took all year was posting my work. Living life on the edge.

What are your fic writing goals for next year? 

To double my writing

Fics that you wrote in 2020:

BTS365: 365 mini stories ✓ fluff, comedy, angst, romance, mature, action, adventure, smut. This has it all. Find your birthday and read your story. I wanted to give something unique to people.

Quarantine: 100 Chapters ✓ Something to accompany you while you are alone during quarantine and the pandemic. I was lonely and I figured so was everyone else. So, I decided to have BTS help us all go on an adventure that didn’t focus on the covid virus but on some other aspects around it.

Femme: 50 Chapters ✓ A futuristic world where women are rare. This was an indulgement fic that gave circumstances for the reader to be in a polyamorous relationship with the boys and live a glamorous life. Ending was a bit rushed.

Seoulmates: 29 (ongoing) Each member of BTS has a unique soulmate bond. I love the idea of this, another indulgent fic but you aren’t alone with the boys you have friends and you can play different parts.

Witching: 11 Chapter ✓ When your brother goes missing trying to find them gets you in a turf war between two covens. This fic was actually a way for me to vent for a project I wanted to complete but the project is so big that I wrote this instead.

Herb: 2 Parts ✓ mature, smut. Jimin claims he has everything you need, he doesn’t disappoint. I came across this idea within the 365’s and extended it because I liked the idea so much. Jimin has everything from casseroles to scarfes, cat food to cell phone chargers and the reader just wants to be loved and relieve stress.

Limited Edition: 10 Chapters ✓ BTS boys are sold as limited edition figurines. This was originally me venting about not having any merch and then became a daydream that what if the merch came alive. And the story was born.

BTS Among Us: 7 Chapters ✓ gore, action, adventure, scifi, angst, death of main characters. This one was so funny for me, I had my friend pick a colour and that was the imposter from the start. I was amazed that no one figured it out in the end. I want to play again soon.

Light it up: 13 Chapters ✓ fluff, comedy, angst, romance, mature, action, adventure. This was inspired by the dynamite trailer, I loved it so much that I began writing, I had no clear direction but as I wrote it started to shape and someone said it was like stranger things and I credited Stranger things cause it did indeed have a similar premise and I don’t want to pretend I came up with something that has already been done.

Love listening: 2 Parts ✓ SMUT, comedy, fluff, angst, romance, mature. This was inspired by a strange video that came up on the internet, I was searching for BTS misheard lyrics and the video I clicked had some funny ones but after that the next suggested video was bts moans and auto play was on and well this fic was born.

Me & the ghost in Number 23: 11 ✓ fluff, comedy, scifi, supernatural, romance, angst, mature, smut, death of main character. This was inspired by many of the ghost text au’s I had read but many of them were like the show oh my ghost where the main ghost character isn’t actually dead just in a coma and I thought the opposite way instead of them waking up, I wanted things to shape the other way. This one was so difficult to write and I cried a lot due to the loneliness Jimin was facing and the mourning from Yoongi.

Hope in the sheets: 4 chapters (so far) fluff, comedy, smut, adventure, slice of life, romance, angst, mature, growing up. This one is a fic that targets my childish desires. I have grown up so much and this fic is a visual representation of that. 

Asks: 77 (ongoing) where the bts boys answer the readers questions and concerns.

Reactions: 15 (ongoing) 

Prompts: 18 (ongoing)

One shots:

Kisaeng: This was a reverse fic project, the idea that instead of Mulan pretending to be a man and going off to war, it was BTS dressing as women to stay home from war. I loved writing about fictional history. 

Steal my Sunshine: This was a summer project. I wanted to write something that felt like a very bad spy movie, like Mellissa Mccarthy and Mr Bean-esque. I formed this one and it made me laugh the whole time writing it.

Blue Side: This was talking to myself about being sad and admitting that I could be sad but I should learn to split the happy and sad into two worlds and limit my time in them both, it was about equal balance and finding the good in the sad and the sad in the good. I don’t know how hard to explain.

Temptation: I had fun writing but it is pure SMUT. not even good SMUT.

Pandemonium: This was really fun. The premise is dark and the ending is left ambiguous, in the original, Namjoon kills the reader but I left it open so you can imagine them continuing their relationship or not.

Mall santa: A fluffy christmas piece. A secret santa I wrote that I felt needed to be soft and quirky and have just all the hallmark moments.

Mad: This one is finished, but I have it published privately at the moment waiting to unveil it as it is well SMUTTY. I don’t know what it is about Taehyung but he is always so dark and I guess that's what people find appealing. I had this idea from a 365prompt and well I had to write it.

One wish: This was a birthday fic that I wrote for a friend. I wanted people to read it on their birthdays or imagine their birthdays and themselves in this position if they made the same wish.

The Check Up: I wrote for this for a friend going through a personal procedure, they were nervous so I took their bias and made something I hoped they could think about while in the procedure and I even explained the steps and what might happen over the next few days hoping the whole thing wouldn’t seem as scary because technically her mind had already been through it when reading the story.

Sparks of the heart: Robots developing human feeling. It was a cute universe and Yoongi’s story will be a series within 2021.

Dance machine 3000

Digital Art

Electronic Tonic

Circuit chef

Random Access Memory

Kookies Trojans and Malware

Feel Better: Another fic written for a author who was sick, I wanted them to endulge in some escapism whilst they were sick.

Music is the spark that sets my soul on fire & Dance is the celebration of the flame: These two were requests that I loved dearly.

Horror movies: Cheesy damsel in distress meets boys will be boys.

I will wait (somesay): This song wouldn’t get out of my head so I had to write it.

Wild Space: When I wanted to write a hybrid AU but I already have a hybrid AU being edited. So hybrid werewolves meets space.

The Bomb: This one is compete and ready to post I had to talk myself out of writing this as a series but I love the story line. I love the end.

Lost Boys: This has been stuck in my head since i had a dream about it and I finally wrote it into the new year. I hope you like it.

Mania: Not my favourite work, love ABO universe I just haven’t got an actually story line so it is on hold.

Incaceration: The story that never was, I really need to get around to this one.

Tagging: @moccahobi I know you wanted to tag me... but I am finished so I am tagging you.

[glumvillain]

GlumReviews #5

Stepping further into the darkness we find our journey landing us on July 18th, 1980. The release of Joy Division’s second and final studio album.  Those not familiar with the band history should be aware that this album was released 2 months after singer Ian Curtis’ death. 

By this time in music history the world had witnessed the folly of mankind as societies collapsed and transformed due to economic or social woes.  This is some of the first popular music that was perhaps the most honest as it could be, it didn’t lie to you, there was no promises of a better tomorrow, your future prospects will be dried up by the time you’re old enough to manifest them.

Curtis’ lyrics pull no punches about the dour and hopeless experiences of the human condition.  The music itself is a sparse backdrop to his narration. Definitely not an album you come strolling into looking for a good time.  Although I read previous reviews saying it was danceable music so what the %^&* do I know.

1. Atrocity Exhibition

The album opens with a tribal-like drum lead, beginning a relentless journey through the tortured mind of Ian Curtis. Random sounds and textures fade in and out, building to add a layer of menace to the overall tone. The lyrics, stark and crushing. “All the dead wood from the jungles and cities on fire/ Can’t replace or relate can’t release or repair.”

2. Isolation

A synth heavy turn-around from the intro song, something a little more cozy, but in contrast of the upbeat sounding song, Curtis goes on to sing “I’m doing the best that I can/ I’m ashamed of the things I’ve been put through, I’m ashamed of the person I am”.  The theme of--yes Isolation is heavily present throughout the album as it feels this entire album was recorded in the vacuum of space.  Sterile and cold.  Almost empty.  As mentioned before Curtis pulls no punches with his lyrical content but the rest of the bands playing feels like an exercise in taming that overwhelming emotion that Ian constantly struggles to keep in.

3.  Passover

As a pretty empathetic person it’s difficult to read his lyrics at times because they are just so brutally raw and negative.  Most people don’t talk this way for fear of alienating people, but the way he sings it, how it’s sung. You just feel the exhaustion of a world beating down on you. The music is simple, but it serves a perfect device for him to convey his message of “This is the crisis I knew had to come/ Destroying the balance I kept”.

4.  Colony

In reading some interviews from Joy Division, when asked to explain the lyrics to his songs, Ian says that it was simply up to anyone’s interpretations what his lyrics meant.  And I can really respect that, because for one it makes it easy for me sound like I may actually know what I’m talking about here.  But really it allows the listener to make something personal to their own experiences, I’d offer mine up but this album is dreary enough.  It really feels as if Ian is just in a completely different band from the rest of his bandmates as some of these compositions don’t really match up with the vocal moods. 

5. Means to an End

Now with the previous song in mind, this is where I feel they all align in ideology or mood.  As previous bands I reviewed, Joy Division seem to have a distinct style that made them stand out from a crowd of hundreds of bands in the same position as them. This is that sound and it embodies everything perfectly. Vamping lyrics, a hopeful hopelessness in the sound but it’s all just the soundtrack to the deteriorating condition of someone whose experienced too much loss to really muster up the energy to keep fighting. 

6. Heart and Soul

“Existence, well what does it matter?/ I exist on the best terms I can”.  And this album is just full of these strikingly dark and beautiful lyrics. The song itself, which was brewed with a punk backbone, but lacking the power of rage, it’s chill mood music and again such simple arrangements carrying Ian’s haunting singing.  A steady groove of vamping lyrics and regretful self-loathing. 

7.  Twenty Four Hours

Another staple sound for goth bands of this era is the chorused bass sound heavily present here and I love it. One of their more energetic songs for Ian to brood over. According to interviews with Joy Division, Curtis’ bandmates wish they would have noticed the signs pointing to his untimely demise sooner.  Furthermore also saying they’d never really paid attention to the lyrics.  Because I mean.....it doesn’t take a scholar to read between the lines of the massive monoliths Ian Curtis was constructing to doom and gloom. And I got all this from wiki so if you wanna read up more about it I suggest starting there and digging through their sources provided.  Invoking a gloomy Jim Morrison, this song is a pretty standard experience with Joy Division by this point in the album but the stylistic changes are welcome to break up any monotony you may be feeling.

8. The Eternal

A very somber song encased in synth pads and dark gothic piano.  Painting the picture of a funeral, of going through the motions of death and loss.  These are probably some of the saddest, depressing songs I’ve ever heard in a row.  Not being said to take away from the album.  If you ever wanted to hear what a normal person sounds like, I think Ian Curtis is that voice, just a young man lost in a gigantic world, suffered from epilepsy and battling depression amid a dissolving marriage. Being hoisted on-stage where he would be victim to his seizures.  Even in wanting to shout his pain to the world, he was made to suffer.

9.  Decades

The album closes with a realization of sound.  A beautiful piece of music as they abandon almost all instruments in favor of cold, lifeless synthesizers.  and they play with Ian’s voice so beautifully in this moment.  Alot of these songs play as if they’re being sung by someone dying on the side of the road.  Watching a world pass them by, counting up all the regrets and eventually having to let go. 

This was not an easy album to review as it took multiple listens to really get it to sink in, perhaps I’m not at the darkest moments of my life, but I empathize deeply with Ian’s thoughts and emotions.  Through the research and listening of this album I do feel a bit of sadness for him, and thankful that such a record exists of such a HUMAN take on the world and music. I find it really hard to rate because of how relentlessly depressing it is at times, does that take away or add to the experience? I guess every listener will react differently and perhaps if you’re one of those people who needs sad music to get through difficult times, this could serve as an important piece of music to you.

⭐⭐⭐⭐/5

I decided that the depressingly real aspect of it only adds to the experience.  While not exciting in terms of a party or dance record, it really does serve as an important document to mental health and the struggles of depression. I’d be hard pressed to say I’d revisit this album again. But I’m glad to have discovered it and really gave it a chance to grow on me. 

[aliensandidentity-sp21]

Match for Meta day 4

One of my favorite lines from Roswell is when Alex confronts Michael about the nature of their relationship in season 1 episode 9. Alex gives a monologue describing how he feels he is always being pushed away by Michael. In my head, I imagined Alex thought this would have been a conversation with Michael, but of course Michael barely chimes in until the end. Michael finally ends the conversation, thus pushing Alex away, by saying “Do you want to know who I am? Or do you want to know what I am?” There was so much tension between Michael and Alex at that point, and immediately after Michael said that, I could see Alex was destroyed, but at the same time Michael was destroyed too. Michael knows he always tends to push people away, so he never gets too close to them. Alex has been one of those people he has tried to push away, but he has never completely disappeared from his life or lost feelings. I think after this argument though, the relationship between Michael and Alex was forever changed. 

Alex finally realizes why Michael has pushed him away time and time again. Michael pushes people away out of fear that any long term relationship with a human will put him under a microscope. Michael would rather be alone than share his true nature. Alex finally understands that Michael has a fear that no one will accept him as he is, and that he will always be viewed more as a specimen than a person. You can tell this breaks Alex because he would never do anything to harm Michael, but there is nothing he can do to change Michael’s mind. I thought this scene and revelation was heartbreaking. Alex and Michael were by far my favorite couple on the show; they balanced each other out so perfectly and their long (and tragic) history together made their love seem real and sincere (I felt like other romances were a little more corny). The saddest part for me was that I felt neither one of them truly wanted to leave. The moment Michael pushed Alex away, his eyes said something very different from his words. 

[mikecardenmpreg]

hello and welcome to another installation of “lauren’s shitty life” hosted by me, your host, lauren (and if you follow me on twitter, sorry i won’t shut up about this it’s only that it’s affecting my entire life)

you may or may not have gathered from my “trying to cover it up with humor” posts that i have gallstones. they are, in fact, making my life a living hell. it hurts to eat. and i really like eating. these last 8 or so months (or however long who fucking knows anymore) have been just one drawn out game of russian roulette: food edition. me after every big meal:

so i had a particularly bad attack at my friends’ place last week. it was far from my first attack so i knew the drill but it was a really intense one. catch me on the floor writhing and agonizing, like i do when you eat too much at a friends’ place. they posited a fun little theory: perhaps these pains weren’t just heartburn like i had been claiming, but maybe something i should probably see a doctor about. i thought. hmm. you guys might be right. and then did nothing about it because i was too weak from the agony in my ribcage to even speak or breathe. nearly passed out on the drive home because i could not get enough oxygen to my brain because expanding my chest region was almost impossible. probably should have gone to the er for this but

so naturally i had another attack the very next day. i was extra bummed about this because for once in my life, thanksgiving hadn’t been a total shitshow and i was excited to tell people about my totally average, drama-free thanksgiving! cue the writhing.

commence rapid fire googling while also rapid fire writhing on the floor! “searing pain upper right side ribcage” gives you about 100,000 results of “your fucking gallbladder you fucking moron”. and i went oop. woke up my parents at like midnight to complain and they go “call the advice nurse”. yeah. midnight on thanksgiving. someone’s definitely gonna pick up. also i can’t breathe because it hurts. thanks for that.

called the advice nurse the next morning and they scheduled me for an a video appointment with the first available doctor. let me tell you. i already had two things going on that day: had to take my car in for service and also it was black friday record store day. i could not take the day off. it was not allowed. so i spent my whole day bouncing between [where i work] and [nearby city where my car gets serviced] on the busiest shopping day of the year while also waiting for my video appointment with an unknown doctor about something kinda scary. not a fun or productive day for me. 

the doctor ended up booking me an ultrasound appointment because she came to the same conclusion i did: gallbladder’s haunted. but as it was friday afternoon, i had to wait until monday morning to go in. fun, productive weekend for me! i love being in purgatory. meanwhile, i’m deprived of my favorite fucking activity: stuffing my god damn face. i LOVE eating. i LOVE LOVE LOVE eating!!!! sunday night i had what was probably my last fried chicken sandwich for a very long time. it was good. but i didn’t enjoy it because it was overshadowed by guilt. 

went to the hospital before work on monday to get my ultrasounds. highlight: totally confused the ultrasound tech by wearing men’s deodorant despite being a woman. she wouldn’t stop talking about how long she’s been single and how the smell of men’s deodorant sends her. the poor girl. anyway that’s completely unrelated. she pretended like she couldn’t read the ultrasounds and sent me off with a “maybe.......don’t eat?” really reassuring girl.

my results came in later in the day (again, not a productive work day for me) to reveal i had two gallstones. my doctor asked me how i wanted to proceed. i was like. girl. you’re the doctor. you tell me. i sent her back a very long email about the last however many months and the severe pain i was in and the family history and the whole thing. this, by the way, coinciding with my fucked up back is hilarious. 2020 had its kiss for me. anyway. she emailed me back with just “surgery referral sent”. okay. 

surgery calls me to set up a video appointment with a PA. they do not tell me the point of this appointment. i do not care, but am pleasantly surprised how fast this is all moving. my video appointment gets scheduled for thursday, one week and one day after my initial “oh fuck” moment. the video appointment goes well. the PA tells me about my options but also says that two of the three options are basic horseshit and the only real option is full-on gallbladder removal. i’m chill with this. i’m done. just take the fucking thing out. we discuss diarrhea for too long. i ask how long recovery might take. he doesn’t have an answer because it all depends on how they have to extract the stupid idiot bile sack. the appointment ends on a less than hopeful note: someone will call either that day or the next to schedule surgery but it might be a wait before i can get in. i’m like, okay, that’s fine. i can wait a bit. it’s been 8 or so months. what’s a few more weeks?

well. i have another gallbladder attack that night. it lasts 8 hours. eight. fucking. hours. can’t sit. can’t stand. can’t lay down. can’t do anything but suffer. i eventually fall asleep around 4:30am. i wake up at 10, just in time for general surgery to call and tell me, i shit you not, that someone will be calling me soon. i cannot go back to sleep. i have to go to work. i am exhausted and frustrated and angry that i’ve just had my third gallbladder attack in 8 days. i probably should have gone to the er. definitely should not have eaten dinner.

no one calls me until 3:30 in the afternoon. and when they finally do, it’s to tell me they cannot schedule my surgery. they are fully booked through january. i am put on a waitlist in case someone cancels their surgery and i can be squeezed in. because this surgery to remove my defective gallbladder is considered “elective” and not “emergency”, i have to potentially wait at least two months. my gallbladder feels like this

and i have to wait two months because it isn’t an emergency. 3 gallbladder attacks in 8 days and it’s not an emergency. my digestive system is not functioning properly anD IT’S NOT AN EMERGENCY????? if any single person felt the way i did after eating, this would not be deemed elective. my body is not working. i cannot eat without fear of pain. i have already lost a noticeable amount of weight because i’ve been avoiding food. i need it out. it need it out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i left work early, cried all the way home, got home, cried some more, fell asleep, woke up, and ate the saddest dinner: one quarter cup steel cut oats with honey and cinnamon. untoasted, unbuttered sourdough bread. unsugared tea. water.

this is my life for the foreseeable future. is this a good time to mention that my absolute favorite food is curry? a nice hearty, spicy, yogurt-y curry. and here i am. thinking about the plain white rice my gallbladder is gonna make me eat for the next two months.

i’m so hungry.

[jojiship]

Studio Ghibli Films: Thoughts & Rankings

I have been binging Studio Ghibli (and other anime films) since May. I saw a lot of people in Youtube rank them and I decided to do it as well. While I don’t have a camera to record myself, I decided to post my ranking of its films. First of all, I want to say that this is quite a subjective ranking and it’s personal. These are my opinions and of course, everyone can have opinions of their own. Second of all, I think all of these films have their good sides, but there are ones that I enjoyed and there are ones I didn’t enjoy. Either way, I recommend people to watch all of these films. You won’t regret watching most of them.

This post ranks the films from the 5th to 1st. Obviously, there will be spoilers ahead, so you’ve been warned.

5. Princess Mononoke (1997) – I would watch the animation of the nature in this film for hours in loop. It’s so wonderful, beautiful and breathtaking. Whether it’s animating the lake, the forest or even just the trees, I was in awe of it. It truly makes you appreciate it and again, Studio Ghibli shows you how much they love nature themselves. Now, let’s talk about the film. The film was amazing. The best word for it is amazing. The plot was so different and yet so captivating. There wasn’t a moment in this film where I was bored and where I felt it dragged along. Seeing this battle between humans and nature was what I had to see. When I was a kid, I didn’t appreciate this film as much, but now, it’s definitely one of my favourite films and in my top five of Studio Ghibli films. All the characters were incredibly well written, especially Ashitaka, San and Lady Eboshi. I love how there was no villain in this film. Yes, Lady Eboshi and her people were ruining the forest, but they were also trying to live their lives and grow as a community. I loved how everyone played a part in the village, the men, the woman and even the disables, had roles. You don’t see this in many films and I like that Princess Mononoke showed us that. The boars and the wolves were interesting to see as well. The bond that San had with her family and how she hated humans because of how she was raised. The ending was great. I liked that Ashitaka decided to stay and help with Irontown rather than go with San like some people expected him to. The only thing that truly bothered me was the face of the Forest Spirit. It haunted me for days which prove how much it creeped me out. If someone told me that the face of the Forest Spirit was their sleep paralysis demon, I would believe them in the spot.

4. My Neighbor Totoro (1988) - The first Studio Ghibli film that I’ve seen is My Neighbor Totoro. It’s the kind of film that reminds me of my childhood and it’s the one that gives me a nostalgic feeling. I love it so much that it’s definitely the film of Studio Ghibli that I’ve seen the most. It has this charm that should be more prevalent in other animated films, especially films for kids. Every scene is truly like magic. Whether it’s the umbrella scene at the bus stop, or the scene where the tree grows, or even the scene with the cat bus and the girls. Satsuki and Mei are enjoyable, vibrant and interesting characters. The bond between them reminds me a lot of my bond with my older sister. You can definitely say that I was a lot like Mei as a little kid (Yes, I did get lost one time and made my whole family, especially my sister lose their mind). Again, this film embraces the beauty of being a child. It shows the curiosity, the innocence, the energy and the imagination that most kids possess at that age. Totoro is such an interesting character design and it’s no surprise that it’s the logo of Studio Ghibli. My Neighbor Totoro speaks to my inner child and reminds me of the good old days. It’s a film that I’ll recommend to everyone, but especially young kids. Also, it’s the Studio Ghibli film that makes me smile through the whole of it. If I’m feeling sad or if I’m not in a good mood, I watch My Neighbor Totoro and it never fails to make me feel better.

3. Spirited Away (2001) – Objectively, I think Spirited Away is the best film that Studio Ghibli has ever produced. Personally, it’s the third, but that doesn’t mean it’s worse than the second and first. It’s a matter of preference that I have. Again, I watched this film as a kid and I did enjoy it a lot. I always called it one of the best animated films. I rewatched it in May after years of not watching it and I loved it just as much as I did when I was a kid if not more. Miyazaki created an unforgettable film with an astounding plot, amazing characters and an exciting world building. Chihiro is your typical kid. She can be whiny and scared just as every kid is her age. The growth that she goes through the film was amazing. Watching her work hard and her progress was such a good watch. You could see her struggle with cleaning at first, but soon enough, she got the hang of it. Also, as much as I love the film, I couldn’t help but think that her parents were a bit dumb. Like my parents wouldn’t have done any of the things her parents did. My dad wouldn’t have sped like that in such a dangerous road and they definitely would have turned around after coming close to the temple. Either way, I’m glad that they screwed up though because it gave me this film. The other characters like Haku, Yubaba, Zeniba, Lin and many others were brilliant. Out of all this, I enjoyed Haku the most. The way he helped Chihiro was so nice and their whole bond was fascinating to see on screen. The guests in the bathhouse were designed so well and were just so good. I don’t have any words to describe the scenes with No Face or the spirit of the polluted river because they are out of this world. No wonder this film won an Oscar for best animated film. The details, the story, the animation, the characters, the soundtrack and the world building all deserve an Oscar of their own. 

2. Grave of the Fireflies (1988) - I don’t think I’ve ever cried with any film, book or series as much as I cried with this. Even when it ended and I had turned my TV off, I was crying. It’s one of the saddest films I’ve ever watched and truly, the saddest film Studio Ghibli has ever made. It touched my heart immediately when it started and it ended up ripping it at the end. I knew that it wasn’t going to have a happy ending, the beginning tells you that it’s going to end quite sadly. Yet I was taken back by the scenes, especially the last scenes. The story of Seita and Setsuko is a story that many kids have experienced in war. In most war films, we are shown battles, we are shown armies, soldiers etc., but not in this film. In this film, we saw the personal history of siblings trying to survive war and bombings. Seeing Setsuko hallucinating was heartbreaking and it was in that moment when I started to cry. When Seita said that she never woke up after that, I couldn’t control myself. Funeral scenes have been hard for me to watch lately, but not a single funeral scene has broken my heart like the one in this film. The scene where Home Sweet Home played in the background left me speechless and I still don’t know how to explain how I feel with that scene. Grave of the Fireflies is a film that is all too real and it made my whole body hurt at the end. Although it's ranked second in my list, it’s the one who I’ll probably rewatch the least out of all Studio Ghibli. Takahata is truly an incredible director and this film proves that better than any other film of his.

1. Whisper of the Heart (1995) – Talented. Inspiring. Brilliant. Relatable. Amazing. Show-stopping. Spectacular. Never the same. Totally unique. Whisper of the Heart is undoubtedly the best Studio Ghibli film I’ve watched. I enjoyed everything about it to the last details. I didn’t even stop the film to get water even though I was thirsty as hell. That’s how much I loved the film. I never related to characters as much as I related to Shizuku and Seiji. I write and I used to play the violin when I was younger. While I stopped, I still enjoy every story that has something to do with violins. Shizuku was such a normal character that spoke so much to me and to everyone I recommended this film to. Many of us have been in her position where we didn’t know what we’re going to do in the future. While Shizuku had many interests, you could see that she was stuck. I liked that she was inspired by Seiji to see if she could be good at something and she learned that she did have some sort of talent for writing. But just like Seiji’s grandfather, Shiro said about polishing her talent. I think many people, especially people who paint, draw, sing, compose, write and build, should listen to his words. They shouldn’t expect perfection at their first try and that they should give it time and hard work for their skills to become amazing. When I first started to write, I needed to hear Shiro’s words. This film is such a beautiful coming of age story that I think everyone should see no matter the age. Now, let’s go to the romance of the film. Hands down, Shizuku and Seiji are the best romance in Studio Ghibli films. While I love Howl and Sophie and Jiro and Naoko, it’s Shizuku and Seiji that won my heart. They had such a good romantic journey. Their scenes were just astoundingly beautiful, especially the one in the end. When I saw him by the tree, I started to giggle and I always screamed. It was just incredible to watch. Every interaction they had made me love them more. I repeat, the best Studio Ghibli couple. When I finished the film, I wanted to find a guy like Seiji. Too bad we were in lockdown and I was unable to find him. The use of Country Roads was amazing. I always loved the song and now, it’s one of my favourite. What upsets me about this film is the death of its director. If Kondo hadn’t tragically passed away in 1998, I think he would have given us other amazing films like Whisper of the Heart. I can say that this movie whispered in my heart and I’ll never forget it.

[anightreader]

History is all you left me - Adam Silvera

First read:

I have read the book once so far, I am planning on reading it again and keeping track of my favorite quotes, parts, and characters. But, I can already say that I really liked this book. The way Griffin deals with his grief over Theo, and how much character development he has over the span of the book is insane! I loved to see how his OCD would get worse during his grieving, and how people in his environment responded to it. The cage/tension that builds whenever he feels his OCD kickin' is so well written, it makes me personally feel panicked even though I have no experience with OCD. Plus, the normalization of being gay was so refreshing! I feel like for further generations, it will be helpful for more of these types of books to exist; the ones that don't make it into an issue or something that is taboo, but as something that simply IS. My favorite character was probably either Griffin or Wade. We obviously know most about Griffin, but the loyalty of Wade and especially towards the end where we find out how much attention he paid to Griffin is so sweet and surprising. I adored Theo at the beginning of the book, and in a way, I still did at the end. We discovered his faults, his relationship with Griffin and Wade, and those faults made him feel more like a real person. Theo as described in the beginning is like an angel, someone you will never meet in real life. But by the end, supported by Wade's observations, he feels like someone more realistic. One of my favorite ‘symbols’ in the book was the way Jackson and Griffin looked like each other, loved the same person, and were hurting the same. They both felt responsible for something that is definitely not on them. I talked with a friend a lot about this book; everything we liked but also the things we disliked. One of the things we both HATED was the kiss between Griffin and Jackson. It was so wrong on so many levels, which I guess made it good writing in a way because it personally affected me.  The way it was described how Griffin acts when he is upset made me feel the same way; he always ends up sleeping with people, which is very interesting as he uses physical touch and contact as a way to forget, but also to get revenge. It’s one of those things that you read and you just think to yourself; “oh no no”. I did really love Griffin’s relationship with Wade, regardless of how it began, it just seemed very simple and straight forward. Plus, it felt like they both had an equal share in the relationship, whereas Theo was always center in the relationship with Griffin. Anyway, I thought this book was beautiful and I am going to reread it and keep up with my favorite quotes and anything new that I notice.

second reading:

I have already explained why I love this book, but I have to say that after rereading, I have a couple notes. I loved some of the themes in this book, but I did not really enjoy the middle part of the book; it was a little slow. The beginning is obviously very sad because we find out about Theo’s death, but I did not feel too much about Theo's death because the saddest moments, like his funeral, were at the beginning when we did not even know Theo as a person yet. So it was sad, but considering the story, I thought I would be destroyed after reading this book. The writing style of Silvera is beautiful, and the quotes are amazing, and usually I’m a sucker for a character-driven novel, but because so much of the story was played out in Griffin’s head, it made the book a little slow sometimes. I did REALLY like that the characters felt like real people and that they were not portraited as ‘perfect’. Especially Griffin showed to have some faults, but that also made me more attached to him. For example, some of things Griffin ‘told’ Theo after his passing made me really uncomfortable, like: "I want you to watch me having sex with your boyfriend" It made the story a bit more messy, which, in a way, is a good overview of grieving: it is messy and uncomfortable at times.  Final verdict: 4/5

[lavenderlight]

1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 9, 11, 12, 13, 14, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 29, 31, 33, 34, 35, 36, 39, 40 >:)

Ahdgkhh okay here we go!!!

1: Which TES games have you played?

All 5 main series games, ESO, and Blades!

2: Favorite TES game?

Oblivion........ like the other games have traits I like more, but also cons. Like... if I had to pick a game to just play with only the Unofficial Patch, it’d be that one.

3: When and how you got into TES? I was at a game store with my brother and we saw Oblivion with all these award “amazing game” stickers on it on clearance. So picked it up. I wasn’t impressed right away (remember picking dark elf tho) so put it down. My bro played it and said “omg you have to get out of the tutorial dungeon that sucks but the rest of the game is so good!” So I made a bosmer and did and there rest is history. TES has been a special interest of mine and a big comfort series for a decade now!  4: Favorite race Bosmer! Dunmer are a close second though. Thanks Morrowind. 5: Favorite province Valenwood........... love it............ Cyrodiil too because I’m basic. 6: Favorite character Ahdjgh hard to pick because there are so many! Off the top of my head, Dagoth Ur/Voryn Dagoth, Indoril Nerevar (what a shock, I know), Serana Volkihar, Glarthir, The Adoring Fan (don’t @ me), The Jemane Brothers, Marcurio, really all the characters from ESO’s main quest and the ending side quests who help you 😭😭. 7. Favorite faction

Thieves’ Guild, minus Skyrim’s. Skyrim’s Thieves’ Guild was awful eww.

8: Which province you would like to live in

If the lore and history and stuff weren’t a thing, Summerset because it’s aesthetic and has nice beaches. Realistically, probs Cyrodiil because I’m basic and I like how it’s a melting pot of various races and cultures!

As much as I love Valenwood, wouldn’t be able to handle the Green Pact

9: Which deity/deities would you worship?

Dibella - because I like how she’s the divine for the arts, and actual true love and beauty in the world (feel like she’s the divine most likely to say gay rights and trans rights). That vibes with me.

Makes me sad that both in the games and in the fandom, she’s reduced to “ha ha slutty sex goddess”. 

10: Favorite Divine

Dibella because see above.

11: Favorite Daedric Prince

Oh boy... hajdg I love Daedra (except Molag Bal - eww)!!! So it’s hard to pick. Just rapid fire listing some favs: Sheogorath, Meridia, Azura, Barbas (does he count?), Hircine... 

12: Favorite enemy

Dagoth Ur

13: Favorite dungeon

Hmmm, I feel like I’m forgetting some, but I enjoyed Nocturnal’s trial dungeon in Skyrim because I like sneaking and it was all based on that.

14. You have awakened and you are a Cliff Racer. What do you do?

Hunt and kill anyone who dares to step outside Seyda Neen lol

15: What would you do if you contracted vampirism?

C u r e

16: What would you do if you contracted lycanthropy?

C u r e

17: Are there any characters you have crushes on?

Not rly because I’m ace.

 If so, who?

18: Favorite Great House

The Sixth House. The Tribe Unmourned. The-

Honestly all of them are whack and have... issues. When I played Morrowind, I didn’t join any of them lol. Telvanni is at least entertaining and very out there which makes them cool. So I guess them?

19: Favorite TES music

Ahaha... I sold my soul to Jeremy Soule... I have so so many... :’)

“The Road Most Travelled”, “Peaceful Waters”, “Stilt Sunrise”,  “Auri-El’s Ascension”, “Sunrise of Flutes”, “Harvest Dawn”, “All’s Well” “The Streets of Whiterun”, “Secunda” (this is one of my all time favourite video game songs!), “Sovngarde”, “One They Fear”

Then from ESO which has other composers too: “Northpoint Nocturne”, “Moth, Butterfly, and Torchbug”, and “Grazelands Dawn” (mostly because it’s a remix of “The Road Most Travelled” 🥺)

Oh, and this song from the Morrowind dlc because the remaster of “Nerevar Rising” from 2:54 onward. (which how could I forget “Nerevar Rising”? Ugh it gives me feels! The Oblivion and Skyrim main themes are very near and dear to me too)

Also really enjoyed this song from Clockwork City - captures the melancholy vibe and I like the clock noises in it.

20: In your opinion, what is the scariest thing in TES?

I can’t stand spiders so anytime anything having to do with them shows up... I play with mods that remove them and in ESO,  I have a list of dungeons and places to avoid. If I have to do one, I make someone go with me and kill them for me lol.

The Lighthouse Quest in Skyrim was also mega spooky. As for lore, soul trapping and the Soul Cairn really freaks me out! I can’t bring myself to use soul trapping because it bothers me :( I headcanon that when a soul gem runs out of charge, the soul is freed because it’s the only way I can sleep at nigh leave me alone lol 21: Favorite main quest Morrowind, hands down. I will infodump and discuss that game’s plot forever. 22: Favorite side quest

I really like the Daedric Shrine quests, they’re always fun. Also love the silly little short quests like in Morrowind when you have to help the guy get his pants back, or in ESO where you gotta find the lost dog in Valenwood and pet it.

Oblivion has loads of side quests I loved... the missing dunmer painter, Hackdirt, that quest with the ladies who are killing men, the Floating Bowl quest... the mystery at Chorrol Castle....

23: Most frustrating experience in a TES game

I get mad any time the sneaking mechanics in ESO don’t work like the main games. Because I always play an archer-thief lol.

That one fabricant machine puzzle in Tribunal.... oh man........ I had to look it up.

And also the final boss for Clockwork City was annoying. Don’t go to the Clockwork City!

24: Funniest experience in a TES game

Other than moments intended to be funny, I sometimes laugh whenever I miss a jump and end up dying from fall damage. It’s so ridiculous.

Dagoth Ur’s “What are you doing?!” when you first attack the Heart always gets a chuckle out of me too. He sounds so... upset and disappointed in you? Lol

25: Most badass moment in a TES game

The ending to ESO’s main quest was a rly big power fantasy moment for me.

Also more mundane, but I felt really cool and powerful when I got to the point in Morrowind where I could one shot kill cliff racers lol

26: Saddest experience in a TES game

The ESO side quest, “The Soul-Meld Mage” in Coldharbour. After that one, I had to step away for a bit.... man. It hurt my heart and I still feel so bad. That was a case in the game where I really felt impacted by how cruel and awful Molag Bal is. Like I *knew* but that quest played with my emotions and made it personal.

27: Favorite area/region

Valenwood from ESO. I spend all my time there, and sometimes go to Summerset or Vvardenfell lol.

28: Least favorite character

Vivec.

Also don’t like Maven-Black Briar. :I

29: In-game food item you want to eat the most

Sweetroll! 

Also this one recipe for a beef dish I found in Valenwood sounded good.  Maybe also the Sunrise Souffle mentioned in Skyrim?

30: If you could try skooma, would you?

No. Don’t do drugs, kids.

31: If you had the skills and resources to do a perfect cosplay of any TES character who would it be?

Probs Serana

32: Have you read any of the novels?

No, but I’ve been thinking about it!

33: Favorite class to play

Thief, or a thief-similar class like agent or rogue.

34: Which type of magic would you most like using?

Alteration seems the most useful for everyday life lol. But illusion would be fun.

35: Favorite weapon

I use bows all the time!

36: Favorite spell

Levitate from Morrowind - it’s so much fun to use!

37: Favorite artifact

Nerevar’s Moon-And-Star Ring. It’s cute lol and I like the lore behind it!

Also enjoy the Wabbajack because of how silly it is, and Dibella’s Brush of Truepaint.

38: You have awakened to find you’re in Tamriel. How do you react?

Because yeah I love TES but also the world of it is scary with gods and monsters constantly trying to kill you lol

39: Thoughts on ESO so far

I really enjoy the world and writing! But I’m still cranky over some moments where it’s an MMO and not a normal TES game :I

I also hate that we can’t have NPC companions.  You really gonna give me a clockwork nix-hound named Snuffler and not let me travel with him? For shame.

40: Character you’d most like to hang out with

Nerevar, because I’m very awkward and shy and bad at peopleing and I would hope he could teach me how to improve lol.

But to actually hang out and chill, Marcurio would be pretty fun lol

[aishiteru-clip]

7 times kdramas made us believe in true love

We all agree that kdramas have taught us many life lessons aside from entertaining us. One of the reasons we keep watching kdramas is the ‘true love’ bond or experience that are portrayed in most of them. And we have to admit it!! We absolutely love seeing the lead couple being lovey dovey and we also cry when they do.

No matter the genre, almost every Korean drama treats the ‘love’ topic really well and so well that we even want something like that in our lives!

There have definitely been moments in the kdrama world that have broken out hearts and moments that made us recover faith in humanity; this is precisely what makes us keep tuned and continue watching many of them. But these, just to prove that love may probably be the most powerful force in the universe.

So, here we go!

Warning: SPOILER AHEAD!

7. - City hunter- Kim Na Na being shot to protect Lee Young Sung

City Hunter is an old classic starring Park Min Young and Lee Min Ho who also actually started dating in real life after working together. They shared an amazing chemistry and we could tell they were truly in love.

One of the most iconic scenes in this drama is when Kim Na Na (Park Min Young) literally took a bullet in order to save Lee Young Sung (Lee Min Ho) and then just said “You saved me twice”. This scene broke our hearts and made us burst into tears. Furthermore, I think we can all admit this was an act of true love.

6.-100 days my prince- Meeting after more than a decade and falling in love again.

I know, I know!! Almost EVERY couple in dramaland has had an encounter/experience/meeting as kids; and traumatic or not that’s what makes them reunite again as adults. Even when this situation has become a kdrama cliché throughout the years, I still think it is a good way to denote the strength of the love bonds that can be developed between two people. I strongly believe writers ought to create different scenarios to treat this topic though.

100 days my prince tells a story of a young love; two kids, a prince and a noble girl, who share beautiful but also sorrowful experiences that somehow will make them separate. Prince Yool still thinks of his first love after their unfortunate separation and loses his memory through some circumstances many years after, but this isn’t a barrier. They meet again and fall in love, OVER AGAIN, without knowing they knew and cared for each other since kids. Can you guys tell me if this is other than destiny?

I think a most of us has dreamed of something like this at some point of our lives. Furthermore, the fact that two people are able to find each other, and fall in love again, no matter what, means they must have been under the power of two forces: destiny and true love.

5.-My love from the star- The whole plot tbh

It’s 2019 and ‘My love from the star’ was aired 6 years ago, so it’s officially an old classic. However, I feel like I really don’t have to explain this one cause during the whole series is more than evident how the leads deeply love each other. That’s probably because Jun Ji Hyun and Kim Soo Hyun had such a great chemistry.

Idk guys but I can’t help but get soft when I hear this title, because it really moved my heart in a way that’s more than difficult not to love the couple or everything it possess.

Do Min Joon (Kim Soo Hyun) could literally hear Song Yi (Jun Ji Hyun) calling his name no matter where he was, he rescued her several times and he was willing to do everything he could for her to be okay. Song Yi was more than in love, she cried rivers and rivers till they could finally be together.

Somehow I consider this drama had a ‘meant to be’ couple, since they ended up meeting through random situations, and more than randomly, because of destiny itself. This kind of situation gives us the ‘true love’ vibe we hardly get in real life. Moving our hearts that’s way is what irradiates the feeling that the reason why the main couple (sometime secondary couples as well) gets together is love.

4.-I’m not a robot- Love heals the wounds of the heart

Okay, first things first, I’m not a robot has the cutest couple in history as far as I’m concerned. There are also two main points of this kdrama I want to explain from my point of view. So, from what we can see throughout the series is Kim Min Gyu (Yoo Seung Ho) has a severe allergy to other human beings and he gets better due to Aji 3’s (Chae Soo Bin) presence in his life. For some people these may look like Min Gyu has a skin disease and Ji Ah is the ‘medicine’ he needs to cure it.

Nevertheless, I personally think that Kim Min Gyu has a psychological trauma caused by other people in his surroundings when he was a kid, that’s why he’s able to touch Jo Ji Ah when she pretends to be a robot without getting ill. What I’m trying to say is that problem was more a psychological thing rather than an illness.

No matter what the illness or condition is, what is remarkable from this drama is that directors and writers give us an important theme which is that regardless of how lonely and hurt you are, love can really heal the wounds of your heart.

Even though at the beginning the story is kinda sad because of the fact that Min Gyu thinks he is in love with a robot and also because of other heartbreaking moments, as the lead couple actually becomes a couple and they solve all their problems, we are able to see many tender and adorable moments that as a matter of fact, make our hearts flutter.

3. - Hwayugi: A Korean Odyssey- ‘Wait for me and I will find you’ promise

Hwayugi is a fantasy drama aired in 2017 until the first half of 2018 and it stars Lee Seung Gi and Oh Yeon Seo. Hwayugi, Hwayugi…This drama has several ups and downs but I guess it is good enough to be in this top. Aside from having such a bad finale, (which the writers tried to fix at the very end) Hwayugi sadly has also bad special effects, which is baffling considering they had a good budget.

Despite all these aspects I just mentioned, Hwayugi still has ‘good things’ to offer. Even though several characters die/disappear what comes behind all these situations is a well-portrayed friendship bond. At the beginning the relationship between the leads starts as a one sided love and then as a mutual love. Even though Son Oh Gong seems to love ‘Samjang’ because he’s under a spell, if we look further we can really tell he loves her for real. At the end of the series, he even gives her one of his eyeballs so he can find her in the underworld.

2. - Stairway to heaven - The whole series even when it hurts

Stairway to heaven is a classic melodrama and if you ask me, it’s probably the most popular kdrama worldwide. This was the very first Korean drama aired on Latin American TV and it got so popular that you can literally ask anyone and they will say they have seen it at least once.

And just because love doesn’t mean happiness, I consider important talking about this drama. First of all, Stairway to heaven has a killer cast and the story is beyond sad. Words could never tell how sorrowful it actually is.

I think the most painful thing in this drama is that the main couple is (almost) never able to be together no matter how much they love each other and how much they try. Song Joo even looks for Jung Suh after believing her dead and does everything he can till they can reunite again. This lasts a short period of time to discover Jung Suh has cancer and is gonna die. I mean, they literally have to face every barrier in the universe to be together and even at the end what gives them the strength to keep living is the love they have for each other, considering everything else in their lives is unfortunate.

The saddest thing is that the people around them would also suffer as well, especially Jung Suh’s step brother that somehow falls in love with her and even commits suicide to save her. But we are gonna talk about this last statement below.

1. - Stairway to heaven. - AGAIN

It has been more than ten years since I watched Stairway to heaven for the first time, and I still can’t get over what Tae Hwa did to let Jung Suh see the man she loves again. There isn’t anything else I have seen in any other drama that is to me more an act of true love than this one. (Even when it is such a sad and dramatic event.)

No matter how much I think about it, this is beyond miserable, considering Jung Suh never accepts Tae Hwa’s feelings because they are siblings but he still does all these for her. At the end this sacrifice is in vain because Jung Suh dies anyway. Such a sad story to be honest.