#sad pissed up old fucker

[themancorialist]

Rochdale Canal, Manchester.

[toxictigertonic]

Happy Halloween!! I was going to post this earlier today, but the past two weeks have been wack so I'm writing this the day of lol.

COYLE

- Hates Halloween bc crime increases Halloween night and he's sick of dealing with property damage calls. Though, he does like enforcing the law, so he does get a little enjoyment out if it.

- He'd walk into a Halloween party for a noise complaint and get mistaken for a male stripper 😔

- Finds people dressing up as a cop insulting. Little kids could get away with it, but adults? That's impersonating an officer, bucko!

- If someone asked if he was dressed as a cop he'd actually lose his shit and get into a screaming match with them. The disrespect!

- Not the biggest fan of candy, but he'd be the guy that actually enjoys candy corn. The monster /j

- A little old lady would offer him candy and he'd accept it with a smile, then immediately try to pass it off to someone else.

- He would NOT pass out candy. Fucker hands out apples and shit bc he likes to see the disappointment in children's eyes.

- Says some absolutely WILD shit to anyone in a sexy costume. Man or woman, doesn't matter, he's pointing out how you look in a very uncomfortable way.

- Kids would manage to prank his ass and handcuff him to something for the rest of the night. Good luck responding to calls, jackass.

MOTHER GOOSEBERRY

- She loves Halloween, Futterman hates it with a passion for obvious reasons.

- She's cooing over the children's costumes. She'd give extra cute outfits extra candy (if Futterman let her hand out candy)

- Futterman makes her hand out apples and floss and toothbrushes and she feels a little bad seeing the children get sad. The babies deserve a little treat :(

- She'd secretly hide a piece of candy under the apple and dump it into the kid's hand with a not so secret wink.

- Futterman lectures small children who have big bags of candy and makes them cry. You're gonna get cavities!!

- In particular, if he sees taffy or candy corn or anything that's pure sticky sugar he loses his fucking mind. Screaming about plaque and tartar while the kids run away.

- Gooseberry is dressed up as a big friendly witch! Her pointy hat and heeled boots make her even taller and the children are in awe of this big friend. Futterman is her familiar. He's not impressed.

- If Futterman had a choice he'd be a weregoose. He's frightening children in more ways than one.

- I can guarantee she didn't get to go trick or treating as a kid. She should be allowed to trick or treat as an adult without Futterman giving her shit.

FRANCO

- Another child who didn't get to go trick or treating. Got to see other children receive candy but his dad 1. Didn't care enough to take him trick or treating, and 2. Knew it was far too dangerous to be out and about with his status as mob boss.

- This translates to a desperate need for him to go trick or treating. But, he'd be really iffy on wearing a costume. On one hand, he wants to really experience what he missed out on! On the other hand, he feels like he'd be mocked and that he doesn't need a costume, he just deserves candy.

- A little old lady would pinch his cheek and call his costume cute and he wouldn't be sure if he should cry or get pissed off.

- The amount of candy this man would devour would be terrifying for anyone to witness. Candy after candy, chocolate after chocolate, his tummy would hurt so bad by the end.

- He's NOT picky, either. Have a candy you don't like? Pass it to him, he'll scarf it down without even thinking about it. A couple of the sticky ones make his teeth hurt, though.

- The sugar crash afterwards would be legendary. He's face down on the carpet, half dead, shaking from the low blood sugar, with a puddle of drool under him. Someone clean him up and put him to bed.

- Costume wise, I can either see him going as an imp (the poster and bc he's my evil little guy) OR a unicorn bc of the line he has with Coyle. Pacifier comes with both outfits whether you like it or not.

- If you offer him some shit like popcorn balls or non candy when he comes to your door (or point out that he's an adult), he's pulling out Lupara. Don't test him, he's rabid.

- He'd be so excited if he could go trick or treating with Gooseberry. He'd hold her hand and feel like the most special little guy. One hand in hers, one hand on his pumpkin pail, paci in his mouth, he's happy as can be.

I love Halloween so much, everyone have a great night and enjoy some candy and the Geister event!

@thehalloweenspooks @millie-milkshake (thank you both for asking teehee)

[archangeldyke-all]

idk if my ask fell into the void (ignore this if not) but sevika and reader at their daughter’s wedding !! sevika is near tears the whole time until the “i do”’s come and so do the water works.

LITTLE FUCKER ALL GROWN UP????? they grow up so fucking fast dude...

men and minors dni

your daughter's been lucky in love.

despite her first girlfriend breaking her heart in high school (and narrowly avoiding getting murdered by you and your wife) it only took her three months to meet the love of her life.

the girl she took to prom (the girl sevika almost made piss herself in fear when she gave her a stern talking to that night) became the girl she went to college and vet school with, and then the girl she opened an exotic animal rescue with-- and now, she's the girl your baby's marrying.

sevika hasn't stopped crying since she found out they were engaged.

at least three times a week, you've found sevika in some corner of your house, blubbering as she holds one of little fucker's old shirts or toys or the sack of laundry she dropped off because half an hour ago because she's almost thirty but still too fucking lazy to do her own laundry.

it's ridiculous. it's making you fall in love with your wife all over again.

"oh, sevvy." you coo as you reach up and wipe away the tears streaming down her cheeks. it's the morning of the wedding-- a small little backyard affair at you and sevika's house-- in the garden she's been building for decades.

the brides are getting ready in your basement with all their friends. your future in-law's parents are in little fucker's old room. you and sevika are in your room, getting ready and putting on your 'host' faces as you prepare for the guests to arrive.

"babe, i don't think i can put any makeup on today." sevika chokes out through her sobs, patting her eyes dry with tissues. you giggle.

"probably not." you snort, kissing her forehead. "unless you wanna look like a water-color painting in all their wedding pictures." you tease.

"ugh-- like you'll be any better." she sniffs, smacking your shoulder. "once i get going with the tears, you're never far behind me."

she's right. sevika and your daughter-- those are the two people who can always get you blubbering when you see them cry.

it's a beautiful wedding.

you and sevika wear matching dark purple outfits-- purple and pink being the colors of the wedding. you both walk your daughter down the aisle, you on her left, sevika on her right.she looks gorgeous, just like sevika did thirty years ago, wearing a beautiful lavender suit and a lacy white shirt underneath.

your daughter in law wears a flouncy, lacy baby pink dress, that matches the exact shade of the bright pink blush that blooms on her cheeks as you walk your girl toward her.

sevika cries so much you worry she'll pass out from dehydration.

during the entire ceremony-- officiated by little fucker's godfather, silco-- sevika's hiding her face in your shoulder, staining your beautiful purple top with her snot and tears. she'll look up for a moment to try and capture the moment, and then she'll let out a wobbly sob and have to bury her face against you again to muffle her cries.

it's not that she's sad. well, it's a little that-- this means it's official-- little fucker's all grown up.

it's that she's happy.

later in the evening, as your daughter in law's best friend's band plays on your patio and your family and friends dance around you in a tent propped up in your yard, sevika explains it to you.

"y'know. never in my life did i think i'd have anything close to this." she says, shaking her head. "and look how fuckin' lucky i am. look at our beautiful baby-- look how fuckin' happy she is. look at this house, look at these people, look at you. none of it woulda happened if i hadn't met you and i just--" sevika cuts herself off choking on her words as tears start to well in her eyes again.

you laugh, then wave down one of the bridesmaids to have them fetch sevika a water-- seriously concerned where she's finding all her tears.

and then, in the early hours of the morning when the party's finally over and you and sevika can collapse into bed beside each other in an empty home-- you reach across your bed and squeeze sevika's hand.

"hey." you whisper.

"yeah?"

"what you were saying earlier... it got me thinking."

there's some shuffling as sevika turns on her side to look at you in the dark. "'bout what?"

"wanna renew our vows?" you ask. "we had such a tiny wedding the first time around. could be nice to get all the friends and family we made in the past thirty years together to do it all over again."

sevika cackles, loud enough that a bird outside your window squawks and flaps away. you grin at her. "really?!" she gasps.

you shrug. "we'd have to wait a few years so we don't piss the girls off by, y'know, gettin' re-married right after them." you say. "but yeah. we've got nothin' better to do, no kid, retired-- we might as well plan somethin' fun in our free time."

sevika just launches forward to kiss you, and you snort when you feel more tears against your cheeks.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@shimtarofstupidity @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @realgreeniebeanie

[catoperated]

At some point we’re gonna have to talk about how toxic websites like 4chan and Something Awful (rest in piss, Lowtax) influenced trans spaces online.

I only ever used SA back in the day, and it’s now mostly forgotten that ���troon” came from a portmanteau of “trans goon” (goon being a member of something awful, not like a gooner… but, eh, it’s still apt), though it was always meant to be belittling.

And then there I was, a transmasc egg surrounded by transfemmes. I didn’t know how to express that I wanted what they had but different, cause I seriously didn’t know trans men existed back then. All I saw were transfemmes, and most of them were transmedicalists. I got called a transphobe when I said wearing a skirt shouldn’t be a required part of transitioning. I have since met many cool trans ladies who aren’t truscum, but the scars remain.

At the time I couldn’t fully articulate how uncomfortable I was with the idea of transitioning to the same old binary, because I also didn’t know GNC was a thing. So for a time I was suicidal because I had no idea of the options open to me. I’m not sure that reading Theory back then would have helped. Having read Theory now (both feminist and communist), I’ve come to the conclusion people lean on it way too much, take it way too literally, never considering that the things proposed have to be adapted to changing times and circumstances. It’s almost like evangelicals interpreting the Bible literally—to everyone’s detriment.

My point being, you can read anything, watch any YouTuber, but for fuck’s sake form your own opinions instead of just throwing books and videos at people like it’ll explain everything and also must be followed to the letter. It won’t, and it shouldn’t.

Yeah, I was also briefly suicidal over leftists dogpiling disability activists for daring to get groceries delivered or using plastic straws. Only other disabled people probably remember this, but it was perpetuated by that butter cat account, which was the most surreal fucking thing to watch unfold.

I’m just tired. Tired of self-proclaimed feminists failing to recognize the patriarchy is what makes us all suffer, including cis men, and that’s the real enemy. I know radfems are largely to blame for pushing the “all men bad” narrative again with the express purpose of dividing trans people, I’ve seen them cackling about what they get away with on accounts where they pretend to be trans. It’s sad people are making their work so easy for them.

I don’t hate or resent transwomen (I can’t remember if the space is preferred or not, but I’m sitting here sweating over it, afraid someone will call out my language when “troon” is already up there), but here I am right back at that awful feeling I had when trying to say skirts should not equal femininity. Fuck, I would probably be suicidal again if not for my partner, who is the best thing to ever happen in my life (love you, babe).

I don’t know how to word this better or more succinctly. My mind wanders a lot when writing. But it’s not just me, right? I see the schism forming and it’s bad for all of us, because the people who want us dead do not care how we present ourselves or how well we pass. We desperately need to support and uplift each other if we’re going to survive all the shit they keep throwing at us all in governments across the entire goddamn world.

So yeah, we need to look at how those websites poisoned the well, as it’s where that mentality of “if you’re not queer/trans in the proper way I deserve to call you a slur” mentality comes from. The pickme urge to go “I’m not like those cringe fags/trannies, I’m one of the cool ones,” too. To reiterate, the people who want us dead for existing do not care one way or the other.

Fuck, why am I worrying about how I word this? If people are gonna interpret this in bad faith there’s nothing I can do to stop them. I just wanted to get this off my zipper-tits—which I’m stealing from you fuckers who use it against transmascs. I got my dirty testosterone fingers all over it and it’s ruined now, sorry.

[vitzi9]

Pretty gifts

Joker X GN!Reader

TW/CW: reader is androgynous, murders, talking about kys, work in catering (it needs its own warning), reader curses a lot, mention of vomit, stalker, reader throws up, racism, Gotham is hell and fuck capitalism, blood, violence

tbh i'm a little sad bc nobody ever give their opinion on my works. I put another divider (like the red heart below) in the middle of the story, not really to separate as it's following directly but bc some people find my stories too long so it's like a checkpoint. So when you leave, you know where you were. (It's really long)

also the end is a little weird bc I have no idea if this fandom is still alive so, yeah :) if people are reading, I might continue it. Thing is some ppl find this Joker ugly so...

I hope you'll enjoy this. (19/02/2024) (17k)

You weren't weird by any mean, okay ? Life in Gotham is just really hard. You got harassed, robbed and assaulted more times than you can count. And each time by a new profile type ! Old, young or teen, it doesn't matter, everyone is desperate.

Some of your colleagues at work are prostituting themselves and you for sure considerate selling feet pictures.

That's how life is in Gotham.

But weird ? You stare at the angry man before you, unimpressed. You can't believe he called you weird as well as an incestuous result. You're neither of these. Fuck, how is weird and incestuous his first thought when insulting someone ? Like, he could've called you a fucker, a bitch... Anything !

Your aggressor, if you can even call him that after this, shows you his middle finger while walking background. Quickly though, he loses his balance and fall on the ground. Well, at least he didn't beat you up !

You already got assaulted for your money, which you don't even have, you got two jobs and barely reach the minimal wage. But at the end of the day they, well, stole the few you have, you know ? When you think about it, he strongly smelled like alcohol. That's probably why he failed his attempt.

Even stealing is death here. You never know who you're facing. Hell, just yesterday a guy was killed because he tried to assault some big chief of a mob. Someone with a clown face. TV says the man's limbs were still not all found.

Shit, getting killed by a clown must be mad humiliating too.

You sigh, trying to ease your tired traits by passing your hand on your face. At least the day is over, right ? Another day closer to death. You drag your suddenly much more heavier body on some few meters/yards more, silently praying that no one else will bother you.

Thankfully, your cries were heard. Pushing the old creaking door of the building, you rush to the mailbox. Never have you been comfortable staying long here. The door is only behind you and you don't know if someone is able to enter with bad intention.

Speaking of the devil...

No mail except for this weird card yet again. It's cardboard displaying a drawing of a joker, withdrawn from a poker package. It's certainly not the first time someone pull this kind of joke on you. Though, you have no idea who this is and it creeps you out a little. You turn the card to see if a message was left and sadly, (or not) you were right.

You've been trying to understand who this was for a long time now but in a big city like yours, with god knows who or what ? It's just impossible.

As always, you hate to think this because you don't want this creepy card to become part of your habit, a messy handwriting greets you in black ink.

"I'm everywhere in this city, no one can touch me yet some are fond of me."

You stopped school kind of early so your IQ is probably not high enough for you to understand that. Plus, you don't fucking want to.

You grab the card with you in order to throw it once at home and rush to the stairs (some says someone got killed in the elevator plus it's not working since months so you're not taking it anymore). Finally home. Your hallway still smells like piss and a deadly cold reign here (Nobody knows why). Two of the four bulb of the ceiling has burnt out and a faint static noise is resonating in the whole property.

This building is not even in a neighborhood that bad. But in Gotham, not that bad is still bad. Because bad is sleeping to the sound of gunshot and broken windows. While here, there's still these but not as often as in bad neighborhood. But you can add the moans hearable in the night in it as well.

Your building is really old though, which explains (partially) the bad state it's in.

Taking out the key off your pocket, you start to unlock the door. Unconsciously, your mind goes back to the card of the day. "I'm everywhere"... What's everywhere? There's air. But they specified 'in this city' so air might be too simple.

No one can touch me yet some are fond of me.

You can't touch air and you're not sure people are fond of it particularly. Like, air's fine. It's cool as fuck but are you fond of it ? No. Then what is it ?

You didn't even realize you were looking at the card again, your door wide open while standing in the middle of the hallway ridiculously. Slapping yourself mentally for being so careless, you enter and close the door and all your locks shut.

Some are fond of me, huh ?

In Gotham, what are people even fond of ? Misfortune you'd say. These fuckers love to see others suffer and even make sure they do by engaging in others people life.

But you don't know if that's really the answer. Damn, can't they just give you simple question? Or even better: stop giving you any ?

You drop your bag on the floor, slouching your shoulders and throwing yourself on the couch. Fuck, you hate your life. Why are you even here? You don't deserve this life. Nobody does !

Haphazardly moving your hand, you end up successfully grabbing the remote. You need to empty your mind, or have a background noise at least.

The screen lights up displaying you the newest information girl. The last man disappeared after he made the mistake of letting show his politic side. It's obvious everyone is corrupted here but the mystery in this story is ; who erased him ? It could be mob, politics themselves, everyone.

This city is lost.

The woman is talking about the incessant inflation and how numerous factories and business saw themselves forced to close for good. You just hope your business won't shut down, you need money. What if it does close, though ? You were already sweating trying to live with two jobs, but what if you end up jobless ?

It'll be impossible for you to pay anything. To keep your apartment. To eat. What are you supposed to do if this happens ? You already thought about that and all of your long reflection session always end up on one conclusion: kill yourself.

Because there's no way you're living without job in Gotham while being in the streets. You would have left the city if you had money or even family out there but it's not the case. So yeah, killing yourself that is.

Sure it looks a little extreme but isn't earth overpopulated anyway ?

It's better than being killed. At least, you choose your death ! But you're gonna hope this still won't happen. Up to now, your job is yours so taking such drastic measures won't be necessary. And you hope it'll stay this way.

Damn, you're depressed again. You drown out your worries by hiding your face in your couch's pillow. Man, what capitalism is doing to one.

You switch the channel without looking where your fingers pressed, this time a man is talking. He's saying something about a criminal and quoting every one of his crime. It was going crescendo, at first robbery, assault and burglary but just next to all of that was terrorism and mass murder.

You want to turn your head and watch the profile of this man but are too weak to move. So you simply listen closely to the man voice to get answers.

"Yes, he's a dangerous criminal and he's in town. He already break free from Arkham asylum twice now. If one of you see this man; do not engage, hide and call the police immediately. He is incredibly unstable and may not be alone. If you think you can win against him, you're wrong. He's a manipulative man and a mastermind. If you're seen by him, you better start to pray. Ends the man on a serious tone. Man, this guy knows how to reassure people...

-Indeed, a true monster. But please do not scare our audience. Batman was able to capture him twice, we'll be fine. The man chuckles but does not sound really honest. To answer all the questions you've been a lot to send us, we'll have the pleasure of meeting mister Harvey Dent here, chief of the police department to answer your worries. Harvey Dent ?"

And the voice switched to the other man. You like Harvey Dent. You like to think he's the only man in Gotham who's not corrupted. He's helping the citizens. Unlike that Wayne man. This guy could single-handedly resolve the poverty problem, but does he do it ? Of course not. He's rich after all, why should he care for bum like you ?

Harvey Dent is talking but you're not listening. All you know is that he's trying to ease the population. The men on TV are always saying the same things: empty promises. How the police is already taking care of the problem, that it'll be better soon. Like the police isn't already too fucking busy harassing the wrong people.

Harvey Dent is your last hope. The only man who can change things.

You deeply hope his promises aren't as empty as the other man before him. You turn off the TV and relax in the silence of your flat for a moment, breathing in the perfume impregnated in your couch.

There's screams outside. You can't tell if it's the neighbors or someone outside. Either way, you stand up feeling your eyelids getting heavier by each passing second.

But before leaving to your room, you stop in front of your window and stare outside for a moment. It's nighttime now. The city won't go to sleep, oh no, it's just waking up. The police can already be heard in the distance with its loud sirens. This city really is chaotic. It's just everywhere, you can't escape it. Touching it isn't even possible, you can't grasp it, nor resolve it completely; it's in the air. You can't fight against it. Nobody fights against it.

Fuck, it's like they're fond of it, here.

Chaos, it's scary when you think about it. Because you can't guess what's going to happen. There was a time when you thought that anarchists could be right but if anarchy looks like this, you don't want it anymore. You just want some peace and respect. But it seems too much to ask for Gotham.

You fucking hate chaos.

The next morning, your limbs were so sore you almost didn't make it on time to work. Your boss reprimanded you about your delay, pressuring you by recalling you the time one of your colleagues got fired for it. You were only late of something like one or two minutes but it didn't matter to him.

He only wanted to feel superior. He didn't even need real reasons to yell at you.

The restaurant wasn't packed. Only the usual rich families wanting to spend a pleasant day. They were here to eat breakfast. You try not to think too much about the fact that one single of their jewelry is equal to your salary.

The streets were alive; people running, cars honking. Your colleague hitting your shoulder to bring you back to earth, everything is normal.

"You think you can ask Mike to make another one ? she asks you with a sweet voice. The kid threw a tantrum. It's not salted enough and he hates sausages.

You lift up your eyes towards the crying kid in the back. Cold eyes stuck to his face. You're sure he specifically asked for sausage. You're the one who wrote down his order. And the salt ? Can't he just fucking put some himself?

-Don't question it. They're regulars. Plus, I don't think having beef with a kid is good for our reputation." Tells you your friend after seeing the death look you were giving him.

So you take the plate that looked absolutely perfect and delectable to bring it to Mike. Mike is an old man once passionate about cooking. Now he's forty three and stuck cooking eggs and toast to some crying kids.

"No fucking sausage and more salt please. you say, throwing the plate on the counter in a loud clatter. The man laughs at your anger and don't even need to ask to understand. 'Got it boss !' is your answer.

You lay your weight on the counter, back meeting the freezing temperature of it. Different smells invade your senses; fresh bread, warm oil and eggs. Well, lot of different smells were here as well but they're the one that really stuck out to you.

"You were late this morning right ? Did the client touched their plate ? You can eat it otherwise, it looks fine.

-Because it is, it was made by the best cook of Gotham after all.

The man laughs, mimicking someone blushing by putting his hands on his cheeks. He tells you that you're lying and that you're saying that to flatter him only. Mike had buzzed his hair a few months ago but they were back already; small rough curls mocking him.

You sigh and look back at the plate, it did look really fine. The kid hadn't even touched it ! The eggs and the bread were intact, left in the same state it was neatly put in earlier.

You spend your sweet time talking with Mike before your boss comes in infuriated, ordering you to come back at the front. And you're forced to do so. Grabbing a water jug on your way and putting on a fake smile, you walk towards a new family sitting so straight your back hurts just looking at them.

All of them laid down their menu and are waiting. You arrive, apologizing for the wait. 'Have you decided ?' you ask while putting the water on the table. The man takes the menu and start listing his orders without a smile nor even a look in your direction. The woman is busy keeping her children calm and asking them to calm down. The other tables are side-eyeing her while the husband doesn't even acknowledge his wife.

"Noted, you smile and turn your head to stare at the woman for her to start ordering.

She smiles awkwardly, and tells you her kids orders before ordering for herself. You thank them, "I'll be right back." and you leave to the kitchen. You sigh, scotch the orders on the wall, grabs the plate left for you to take and head back to the crying kid from earlier. The demon who ordered fucking sausage before saying he hated them.

But as soon as you place the plate before him with a smile, the kid slams his fists on the table resulting in his glass of water to splash on you and break on the floor. The mother gasps while the dad gives a slap in his son's head without even you registering the whole situation. Your clothes are completely soaked, you want to say something but his mother is sending daggers at you with her eyes and you know not to mess with this stupid fucking family.

Did he did it on purpose ? Yes. Are you gonna say something ? No.

"It's okay, I love children." you don't.

And you leave. Deeply humiliated. But you can't do anything. Because you're no one compared to them, they're gonna win. Always. Your friend asks if you're okay, you shrug. She's unable to question you further as she has to continue working. You head to the back in search of a broom.

The small closet is all the way behind the kitchen and you're already tired just thinking about it. Once you're in, you frenetically search for your item only for a shelf to fall apart behind you and destroy itself on the ground. You bite your lower lip with all your strength to retain you from crying and cursing the whole world.

It's okay, it's just a shelf. It's okay, you try to think but it's hard when it's not even noon and too much shit already happened to you.

You crouch down and start gathering everything you can when your eyes falls upon another one of these poker card. You frown and take it in your hands, examining it deeply. Uh, wow, okay. It's a little weird. You just happen to receive these daily in your mailbox and suddenly there's one here. Okay, totally normal.

You stand up, looking around you for an answer, trying to see if a camera is here somewhere. But nothing. So you turn the card to read the new message: You need one to live, I often rip it apart and yours is mine to steal. A heart ? you immediately think. You definitely need one to live and the sentence 'steal your heart' is kinda famous. But rip it apart ? Is it, like, a metaphor ? Glancing back quickly, you notice a small note left in the bottom right corner of the card. It reads: what a shitty shelf.

You laugh nervously, your breath getting stuck in your throat. What the actual fuck ? it's not even funny, what the hell ? Sorry for the fucking shelf ? They knew this was going to happen ? You definitely have to talk to someone.

You pass your hand on your face, rubbing it strongly as if to wake you up from a bad dream. Then you take the broom and head back.

Rushing to the kitchen, you accidentally pushes someone in your haste. You see Mike from afar and don't even need to approach him that you yell your question for everyone to hear:

"Mike, do you happen to play poker ?" the man faces you, his confused expression told it all, he didn't. And from the other's cook faces, they probably all thought that you were crazy. None of them looking guilty. But you'll investigate that later.

Not wasting any seconds, you almost run to the main room to find your friend. Luckily for you, she's cleaning glasses at the bar.

"Hey, is it yours ?" you're a little out of breath when showing her the joker card. Your friend simply shakes her head. When you asked her if she knew if one of your colleagues was playing poker, she shrugged and told you she didn't know with an apologetic smile.

"Why ? she asks.

-It's complicated." you say.

It can't be from the same person, right ? If it is anyway, that probably means one of your colleagues is the one putting these at your place. Which is a terrifying idea because you sure never gave your address to anyone here. Trying to see the bright side of it all, that means that you may know your 'joker'. And if that's the case, there's a way for you to stop them. It's better than the cards coming from a total stranger, because you can't act against them. You'll probably leave some clues at work to see and trap your joker.

The rest of the day was terribly hard. You were dying from the inside. Your tummy was growling like a beast; you did not have the time to eat. As you're juggling between two jobs, your boss thought that he had to exploit you as much as he could before you left. Because you're joining the bar, your second working place, at two pm.

"You're gonna leave in the middle of the day, when most people are coming. I'm losing money here, you see ?" he had said to you that day. Yeah, he does not give you any breaks because to him, you don't need one as you leave earlier. Of course you tried to negotiate and he was agreeing with you, on the condition that he pays you less.

"Mike, I'm leaving. you tell him, taking off your apron. Have a nice day, say hi to your kids for me." he smiles warmly to you, wave and you're out of the room in a quarter of seconds. You already bid goodbye to your friend so all you had to do now was to leave.

Putting on your jacket, your thoughts can't stop but think back about this other card you found. Yours is mine to steal. In what sense ? You could've thought it was some creepy flirting but it's just too much. You found these at home, at work. Everywhere. Are they going to rip your heart apart, too ? Are these threats ?

Hopping in the bus, you try to stay away from Gotham's crackhead as much as possible but it's hard when they're drunk and staring at you like they want to beat the shit out of you.

Fortunately, your stop arrives and you hurry to get out. It's 2:36 PM (14:36), the bar is not open yet but cleaning and organizing everything is part of your contract.

It's at five pm (17h) that you open the bar, standing behind your counter and waiting patiently for clients to arrive. You're happy Sean is here. He's a big man of 2m3 (~6'8), practices combat sport and knows how to handle different weapons. In a neighborhood like this, you're more than grateful to have him.

He's also the son of the owner. So it's really just the two of you here. The first persons starts entering the place and it quickly fills up entirely. It's quite a famous area, cops never comes here as mobs are doing their own laws. Sean puts on some background music you can't even hear anymore over the loud voices of the men laughing cavernously.

You're busy serving people's drinks. Moving as fast as you could but it being hard when your thoughts are plagued by cards and your mind is not here. Who's this joker man ?

The street lamp are all finally on, meaning it was past seven already. You didn't even see time pass, the incessant flirting and bickering of the men here enough to keep you from being alone with your thoughts.

"Thanks baby." says a young man when you give him his beer. He has a really bad scar going from his forehead to his lower lip. It's no surprise, you saw men with less limbs, other talking unknowns languages, some with sight or hearing completely lost. Sometimes normal people like you would come, women even but more rarely as the men here were true animals.

You wonder what type of people there is with you tonight. You're not naive enough to think all of them are innocent, in fact, you're sure 85% of your client here are criminals. This bar is situated apart from the city, in a corner more secluded with abandoned looking buildings and scary dark alleys you certainly don't want to visit at night, or even at day for that matter.

This place sucks.

Honestly, with your cards problem, you even considered engaging a spy to see who put these creepy notes in your mailbox. But two things prevented you to do so; first, you do not want to do business with criminals, second; there was a chance that your joker was one of your client.

Some of your clients here probably have mental illness as well, worsening their state. And maybe someone fixated on you and decided to follow you home. It'd be really awkward to engage a man to scare your joker away, only for him to be the same person you're trying to avoid.

But now this idea starts to disappear. You found a card at work after all, your boss is not stupid enough to let anyone break in. So the criminal track wasn't the one. It's one of your colleagues. There's just no way one of the bar's client could have followed you home and at the restaurant.

But on the other hand, it's difficult to see one of your colleagues following you home too. Because after working at the restaurant, you're not heading home right away. You're working here. Is it possible they waited outside until you finished ?

"A whisky for me." is what tears you away from your misery.

You do not look up, instead turning your back to him and reaching the shelves to search for the bottle. You grab a glass, throwing ice cubes in it and pouring the harsh liquid in. You then slide it to him, he nods and drink a first long gulp.

You follow his arm to his face before blocking on it. It's a man with a skin so pale it's getting worrying. His eye bag are terribly dark that you thought he had put black eye-shadow on them. And for a second, you truly thought it was the case. He had really bad scars going from each corner of his lips up to his cheeks, like a badly drawn smile. In the small crevices of his scarred skin, there was faint white and red paint, or make-up that did not left during shower. Is he like, a mime or a clown ? He looks like he haven't showered for a while, no judgements or anything, but his green hair are greasy.

He continues to savor his drink quietly while you're here, astonished by such weird scars. You saw scars, a lot of them. But they all looked accidental, caused by self defense or anything. But his clearly looked volunteer. You could clearly see that the goal was to create some sick form of smile, whether it is successful or not. What the hell happened to this guy ? Has he been tortured ? Did he make these to himself ?

'You got some nasty scars' you want to say. But the wicked grin he gives you is enough to make you gulp and smile awkwardly. Of course he saw you looking at him, you did not move an inch/millimeters. And he does not look like the type of guy to be nice.

"D'you like them ?

-Sorry ? you blinked.

-My scars. Do you like them ?

-Uh, yeah, yeah.

Fucking creepy. What the hell ? What did he do to have those ? Why is he even asking you this ? Why is he looking at you like that ?

-Do you want to know how I got them ?

-No." you answer at the mere second he ended his question, by pure fear he was going to destroy you. Or try to recreate those scars on you. Hey, you never know.

The man grins and chuckles at the quickness of your answer and stops talking for a while. Did you just escape death ? You think so.

He stopped drinking, though. You try to look busy but you're just organizing and disorganizing things on loop. Sean is having the time of his life chatting with the clients towards the tables area. But you, you're stuck behind the counter. You can't even count the times you got your ass slapped or got whistled. Plus, some of these guys often try to threaten you with knifes to make you give them free drinks.

It could've work if Sean wasn't here.

But it's comical in a sense. The morning, you're busy being the little dog, the little slave of these stuck rich people crying when their plate arrives one minute late, with prices on the menu so high it's clearly a scam for some eggs and bacon. With a ground so perfectly clean you could lick it.

And at night, you're here. Surrounded by criminals, drunkards and God knows who. With bad music taste rumbling in the background and place so dirty you could throw up and not even see it through the trash lingering on the ground. Well, in your defense, because you're the one cleaning, it was clean before. But everyone arrives with their disgusting shoes or bleeding and then they spill their drinks, and they fight and, yeah. At the end of the day, this place is a mess.

Your back is still facing the mime guy but you know he's staring at you. You know it because you can't stop shuddering. Your works are sure keeping you in touch with reality at least, you've seen both extreme.

"What's your name ?" You face him, afraid to offend this weirdo.

Telling him your name out of all the people ? Never. Smiling the best you can, you tell him your coworker name from the restaurant. He grins like a Cheshire cat, his smile accentuated by his prominent scars, nodding. You know better than to ask him back his name, he's probably, surely, a criminal. You don't have a death wish at the moment. You usually don't like to lie but this job at the bar taught you better.

-You know, he starts again and you pray he does not start to harass you with questions, he licks his lower lip before continuing. There's one thing I truly hate in this world. He pauses. You wanna know what ?

-Tell me. You say reluctantly, not wanting to anger him.

He lays one of his elbows on the counter, raising a brow and looking around him as if going to tell you a secret he wants no one else but you to know. Then, he looks at you again, a mysterious glint in his eyes.

-Liars.

Oh.

-They're such... he squints his eyes, moving his hand in the air to the flow of his thoughts. Vicious, little bitch, you know ? If we want to change things, he licks his lips, they're the first people that have to go. Don't you think ?

-Yes, I'm with you on that. you hurry to answer, nodding frenetically, feeling your blood run cold and a sweat cross your spine. Myself I really can't stand lying, you know ? Liars are really bad, they're manipulative and all. you were just trying to save your ass at this point. You received a lot of threats in your life, but this man right here ? There was something deeply wrong with him. He was fucking traumatizing you. You did not want to mess with him.

The only thing plaguing your thoughts is; does he know ? Does he know you lied about your name ? Because he specifically asked this question right after you presented yourself. Does he know ? No, no he doesn't. How is he supposed to know you ? You don't even have any name tag on.

The man chuckles deeply before you, licking very briefly his lips again; is that a tic ?

-What's his name ? he asks, looking straight to Sean, as if judging his soul. Does he have to stare at people like he wants to kill them all the time ?

Now you understand. He scared the shit out of you to ensure you wouldn't be lying to him. And now he's testing you. Why, you don't know. But you answer honestly this time. He smiles mischievously. Maybe that wasn't even his plan, maybe he's just deeply weird and unsettling. Maybe he doesn't even know you ever lied to him. Maybe you see things where there's none.

If there's one thing Gotham has taught you, it's to be wary of everyone.

-Are you fucking him ? he asks again, still looking at Sean laughing with the others.

-Why ? this thought never even crossed your mind before. Why would you fuck Sean ? He's nice, he's good looking but, you don't know, you wouldn't fuck him. You just, don't want to ? He's a friend.

-He's quite the tall guy. Are you fucking him ? he insists, ignoring completely your question.

Wow, that is getting incredibly uncomfortable and personal. You know you're supposed to entertain them and all but damn, this guy is killing you. You throw a glance in Sean's direction, hoping to catch his attention so he could help you but he's busy laughing with other clients.

-Why're looking at him ? I'm the one talking.

-I don't think this is appropriate, Sir. It's quite the personal questions you're asking me here. you laugh nervously, hoping to relax the mood but the man before you doesn't even react. Can I maybe offer you another drink ? It'll help...

-You got something to hide ? he licks his lips.

What. The. Fuck.

-I have to stay mysterious in order for you to come back, right ? you do not want this weirdo to come back, but that's the default sentence you usually say to avoid answering intimate questions.

But the make-up man does not insist, he gives you a cheeky grin.

-You want me to come back ? How flattering.

Most of the time, what you implies when saying this is that you want them to come back to consume more, so you have more money because you're kinda the bartender of this place. But this guy just plainly wants to fuck you up. Where's Sean when you need him the most ?

It's like no one around you is seeing you. They're all drinking their sadness, trauma, day away, not caring that a creepy guy is keeping you in his weird conversation you clearly do not want to participate in.

-Do you want to play a game with me ?

-I'm... Quite busy, actually. So...

But he knows you, now. He knows you're a bad little liar. Listening to you is now optional to him; he clearly doesn't care. The man stands up and you start to get scared. What is he going to do ? Is he going to hurt you ? Your hand is holding firmly the bat under the counter, fingers shaking with adrenaline. You never used a weapon before, less against someone. You never hurt someone, intentionally at least.

Sean, move your ass over here, now.

The man grins, eyes trailing your arms. He knows you're hiding something under this counter, but can he blame you ? You're surrounded by criminals, he's one himself ! It's impossible to know what to expect. Honestly, you're ready to scream to get attention and get helped. Even if there's high possibilities for a general fighting to start resulting in this poor bar to be destroyed.

But the man does not try to hurt you, he smiles, put his hands in his pocket and you now realize how well he's dressed for someone like him. A nice and well maintained purple suit.

"It makes me live and follow you at dark, keeps me up at night and makes you fall apart."

No...

-Who am I ?" He ends slowly, torturing you.

Your shoulders slouched down, tension leaving your hand on the bat. Your body become a big, useless puddle. Eyes as big as owl ones.

"I-I don't want to play. Your stutter had gave away your uneasy feeling, you step back, eyeing this man from head to toe.

You've come to despise those damn riddles. You don't want to hear more of them.

-But this one's so simple sweetheart. He mocks you. It starts with a pretty little O and ends with a N. I'm sure you'll find out.

You shake your head slowly; no, it's not simple, no, you don't want to find out, no, you don't fucking want to listen to him. But he simply chuckles, relatively amused by such a big reaction. Well, with that kind of huge revelation, you can't quite control yourself.

He's rummaging through his pocket, heart almost leaving you. What is he searching for ? A weapon ? What is he thinking ? But against all odds, the joker man takes out something so small you can't even see it behind his palm. You know he's doing it on purpose, hiding it from you to destroy you more, to see the look of surprise, fear or shock, or... Whatever, on your face.

-That's my business card, as a little... Reminder." You deeply doubt someone like him own any business, less business card. So what is he going to give you ?

He lays gently his hand on the counter right before you, not letting you see what he was hiding until he removed completely his hand, confirming your theory of him hiding it on purpose. You'd recognize them anytime. Your heart is beating faster, so fast you're scared it might explode. Nothing is written on the side you're staring at, you grab the cardboard, praying that it's just a crazy coincidence even if the drawing of the joker smiling stupidly on the card is taunting you.

But when you turn the card, the answer is given to you. For the first time since you've started to receive these.

-Obsession." you sigh, breath getting stuck in your throat. You were petrified. "You're... You're the joker man." you say in a shaky voice. Was it finally him ? Answers, you needed answers. But when you looked up, the man had disappeared. Leaving you with nothing but deep fear.

Silent tears slide on your cheeks, you bring your hand to your mouth in order to hide your muffles. Looking back at the card, you feel your legs give up under you when your real name is written in bold black letters in a bottom corner. Bile is rushing to your throat.

It's him. He's the one sending you these.

But you don't know him. You don't fucking know this man. And he's a criminal. You're fucked. Smiling like a madman, you start to laugh nervously, not realizing the situation. It's a joke, right ? You cough, progressively choking on your saliva. You bite your lower lip so hard it starts bleeding. You pray, you pray so hard this man isn't your stalker but you're lying to yourself. It's literally the worst case scenario that could happen.

You've never seen this man in your entire fucking life. Where does he even come from ? Why you ? Why him ? With his fucking creepy scars and fucking riddles. He knows your address ! Your name ! What else does he know ?

"You okay there ?" You nod without even looking at the person talking to you. You choke out a quick answer before rushing to the back towards the private toilet.

Immediately collapsing to the ground, you throw up everything you had in you, which wasn't a lot to begin with. You barely even ate anything. But you can't stop. You empty yourself, only vomiting water.

Sean finally comes get you, he rubs your back and help you get up. "What happened ?" He asks you.

"I don't fucking know." Is the only thing you can muster.

What you do know however, is that you're scared to go home.

"Are you heading home tonight ?" You ask him, voice hoarse. "Well, yeah" is his answer. So you asked him, begged him to come with you. Because you were horrified by the mere idea of going home alone. Maybe he would be here.

"You can come to mine if ya want." he offers. And you think that the guy from yesterday probably was right, you were weird. Why aren't you going to the cops, after all ? Probably because they'll think you're lying, that you're insane. A joker ? Harassing you with riddles ? You'll end up in a asylum in no time.

But wouldn't you be safer in a asylum ?

When Sean and you closed the bar, it was already well past one am. You didn't had the strength to redo this all over again tomorrow. But Sean was of good company, cheering you up and trying to ease your mind. Multiples times he tried to ask what was wrong, but he guessed it alone. "Was it that weird customer in purple ? The one with the suit ? I saw him lingering a really long time at the counter." You shrugged when he said that, completely worn out. What could he even do against him anyway ? The Joker man wasn't known to any of you. It was a lost cause.

Chatting with your friends wasn't even crossing your mind, you were terrified. The long walk to his apartment was as quiet as a church. What the fuck were you going to do now ? You were dead, yes, you were just dead at this point. What can you even do against some psycho following you around ? Fight back ? Yeah, if you have a death wish. You have to get out of this city, there's no other plan. But how ? And to go where ?

"We're here." says Sean. You've never been to his apartment's before, and to be honest, you would have preferred for it to happen in other circumstances. Trying to escape a criminal wasn't in this year plan.

Before you stood a tumbledown grey building, not much different from yours in reality. After all, Sean's not that rich, he's payed like you and live with his dad's payment. Though, you're pleasantly surprised to see the coziness of his place.

Warm lights were turned on, his sofa looked quite mellow and the general smell of the apartment was lovely. Not that you're judging him, but you wouldn't have thought he was such a clean guy. Because he's like, well, some kind of mafia man. So, yeah, he often smells like sweat and dirt himself, it's a surprise his place is so neat. Sure, it's damaged by humidity then and there, there's cracks in the walls but so do yours. The paint is peeling in some areas as well, you're used to it enough to not notice it. You take off your shoes, but keep your jacket. Probably in search of a safe feeling, maybe by fear of being vulnerable.

"You can sit on the couch, I'll order something.

You don't even have the will to eat right now, the ugly feeling everything entering your body might be threw back out instantly bothering you too much. However, you did sit on the couch. It smelt like him; you hated it. You were violating his property, his intimacy. You shouldn't be here.

But do you really have a choice ?

Sean is talking in the background, on the phone, yet, not a single word is understood by you. It's like he's speaking a whole new language. The red flowers on his TV stand keeps reminding you of the joker's card and his damn hat.

He hung up, that you heard, and left for another room. You hate to bother him, he probably only wanted to go home and sleep after a hard day but you messed up his plans. Grabbing the remote, you turn on the TV to empty your mind. You search for series, documentary or cartoons, only to be disappointed at the sight of obnoxious ads.

You end up watching the news, it being the sole channel not drowned in ads. A woman is speaking in a professional neutral voice, wearing a white shirt. She talks about the inflation killing our country before going onto her next subject; the outgrowing insecurity. The two preoccupation of the government, or at least, what they want you all to think about.

From what she says, a hold-up happened in a bank yesterday, in plain sight. (Why do they talk about it now, you don't now.) The building stank laughing gas. Only one man declares having seen the main suspect. Her chair slides to the side, leaving space for the video to appear and for the victim to testify; "Green disgusting hair and some fucked up clown make-up. That's the only thing I saw. He has no value, I'm telling you, criminals used to believe in things ! He has no respect for anyone, he killed his own team ! He's gonna come back for me, I'm sure of..." and he's erased from the screen at his outburst, for everyone to forget his trauma.

Did he say clown ?

"Indeed, the woman vigorously resumes, a faint smile on, was she laughing at the victim ? green hair and clown make-up is on brand today as everyone only talks about this mysterious criminal. After disappearing for months, the troublemaker is back in town and seems unstoppable. But has he truly ever gone away ?

It's not the same man, right ? No, no of course not. If he's a famous criminal, he has better things to do than harass insignificant useless civilians like you with stupid riddles. He robbed a bank ! Why would he even look in your direction? Fuck, what if he thinks you have some kind information? What if he think you're related to a criminal ? What if you are ?

-He calls himself Joker, always wears his clown make up and has a habit of wandering at night." The woman straightens her posture and clasps her hands together. "After yesterday's fiasco, the famous criminal already perpetrated his next attack. Earlier, at noon, the biggest hospital of the city was targeted. Cops were able to evacuate everyone urgently. Gotham is in shamble, people are afraid and angry. The police is trying to calm the crowds, in vain." Images are shown behind her of people running, yelling, stretchers evacuating and flashing cops car during her speech.

She continues talking but you stopped listening when finally a picture of the Joker was displayed on the screen, his face horrifyingly reminding you something. Too many information are going to your brain in so little time. You try to rationalize everything but it's hard when your mind is too tired to cooperate.

He's called the Joker. And you happen to receive joker cards. He wears make up. The man at the bar looked like he did. Hyperventilating is the only thing seemingly still possible from your body. You stand up, inking, sinking, learning, engraving his face to memory.

Two big scars, both going from each corner of his mouth to his cheeks.

Like a badly drawn smile.

"Sean !" you call. Your friend runs out of the bathroom, disheveled, shirt loose and no pants, only in underwear. He rushed out, scared something had happened. Your shaking pointer aim at the TV screen, at the face of the man on it. "It's him. He was at the bar."

When Sean looks at the man, a chill runs down his spine. He understands what might have happened earlier. He could see the purple suit the man had on on the picture, which was the exact same one he saw at the bar. Fuck, it is the same man. He knows the Joker, hell, everyone knows him here.

And that's bad news.

He's everywhere in everyone business. He has no sense of loyalty whatsoever, killing even his best allies and no one has the slightest clue what he wants. At the bar, he probably scared the shit out of you, he probably threatened you, too. Why, it's impossible to know. He's quite the unpredictable.

-Don't worry, he says, he probably forgot about you already. He's a scary man, likes to shock people a little. He always attack for a reason and you're not a criminal, so you're good."

But you couldn't believe it. He does not have all the information. He doesn't know about the tons of cards you received until now. Eyes completely stuck to the screen, you observe the face before you, knowing you probably wouldn't be able to escape him.

Somehow, this emission confirmed to you that he was real, that you weren't dreaming. And that you really were in it deeply.

Sean insists you shower to relax a little bit, you're holding onto the remote for dear life, nails digging in your palm. When in the bathroom, your eyes automatically gravitates towards the mirror, discovering your new face scarred by sleepless nights and cries. You're almost scared of your reflection. Sighing, your hands find themselves in your pockets alone but you're startled by the coldness they are greeted with. What have you in your pocket that is freezing like that ?

Your unease comes back in a rush when you take out another one of these cards from your jacket. Are you for real going crazy ? What is going on ? When did this get here ? How did it get here ? It's your damn jacket ! You had it in the work closet all day !

You're tired and doing this little fucked up game is not doing any good. A greasy almost wiped red is the first thing you see, his lips, you guess. He wears some kind of paint as lip stick, he fucking kissed the card, creepy bastard.

Turning the stiff paper, your eyes meet once again one of these painful riddle.

"I'm everywhere, you can't escape me and I'm coming for you. Who am I ?" tears slide quietly on your cheeks, the only sane reaction your emotionless state can give. You're not even moving, eyes staying fixated on the card; the tears are just physical. Body exhausted from it all. What is this now ? You know he's not talking about an object anymore, he's talking about himself. It's not riddles, it's threats. He's coming for you, what is he going to do ? Kill you ? Torture you, or worse ?

The shower did nothing to ease your nerves, you've never been so tensed in your life. What could you even do against this man ?

When Sean called you to eat, you let him know you weren't feeling the slightest hunger. He said nothing, simply keeping a plate for you on the kitchen counter.

You did not even blink an eye that night, paranoid at the slightest noise, a knife slept cautiously under your cushion. The windows and doors were completely shut and you would have loved to do the very same thing to your brain. You fell asleep, eventually, when you should have been up.

Sean was still asleep when you awoke the next day. You were late, and terribly so, the clicking clock on the wall warning you. It was already way past nine. You don't like to leave his house without even thanking him for his hospitality once again. But you'll see him tonight, at the bar. You'll probably have to quit, though. Not yet, as you have to secure another job. You can't risk being here without money, after all. Joker knows where you work at, no way you're staying more than necessary. But... he has to know about your restaurant job too, somehow.

You had a card in the closet, with his stupid shelf trap, after all.

You're safer there, maybe. It's quite the chic area. There's camera, people. Socialites are here, nobody attacks socialites. Usually, at least. Doubts subsists, the journalist on the TV affirmed the Joker attacked in the middle of the day, in plain sight. Would he attack the rich ? They're untouchable, their lawyer always know what to do and they know everyone. You can't kill a famous advocate, right ? It's like attacking the mayor. Remembering his face, you keep the unsettling impression he could kill anyone.

Fuck.

You take a piece of paper, write a few words on it, scotch it on the fridge and leave, dashing outside to not worsen your lateness. You were dead, oh you were so dead. Late couldn't even describe your situation by now. You boss was going to kill you, de-materialize you and send you in another world.

You ran until your legs couldn't support you anymore, people were side-eyeing you in the streets. Certainly thinking of you as some kind of thief or at the very least a criminal of some sort.

Jumping in the nearest bus, your legs being too weak to support you anymore, you finally arrive at your workplace ten minutes later. It was quarter to ten.

You're breathless, rushing once again to the rear of the restaurant. You push the back door open but to your surprise, it won't budge. What ? The guys never lock the door that early in the morning, they know you'll arrive, eventually. You knock a few times, knowing you had the key anyway but if someone was passing by inside, it would be quicker.

You don't have to wait that long as your boss himself is the one opening it for you, as if waiting beside it until your entry. He probably was. He crosses his arms on his chest, eyes glaring holes in you. Damn, you'll have to fight with him, again. You promised him you wouldn't be late anymore, he will never trust you again.

Well, it's not like he trusted you much before to begin with.

"Listen, I'm terribly sorry I'm late but... he scoffs.

-As If that was the only problem ! The man tightens his jaw, talking between his teeth. He approaches his head to yours, almost colliding your forehead together; he talks lowly, scared to be heard. You know damn well what's wrong.

Wow, okay. You were not expecting his reaction to be that dramatic. You're just (incredibly) late. It's not new. What's gotten into him ? You squint your eyes, at a loss of words.

-I was just... You start, ready to recite him once again your preposterous apologies.

-I don't give a fuck about you being late, he cracks, get out of here now ! You are not to put a single of your foot in this restaurant anymore ! You're gonna scare my customers ! In the process, a postilion left its house to attack your cheek. You cringe, immediately wiping it with your sleeve, shuddering in disgust.

-What ?

-What, what, he mimics you with a grimace and a weird voice, Get out of here ! He articulates each words slowly as if you were a foreigner, except his tone was harsh and firm. Haven't you seen the news ? If they hear a criminal is working here, I'm screwed.

-A criminal ? But I'm not... I'm, what the hell ? I'm not a criminal Tony.

-Yeah, yeah, and I'm rich ! Get the fuck out of here or at least, do me a favor and let me turn you in to the police." his face changes to disdain, suddenly thoroughly repelled by your being. "Man, you have to be some dirty criminal to have 600 000$ put on your face. What kind of shit have you done, huh ?

Six fucking what ?

-Uh, listen, I think there's some kind of misunderstanding here. I'm no criminal and I'm definitely not worth that much money.

Hell, in all your life, you did not even earn that much money !

-Hey, his tone changed to deviously adopt one sweeter. I don't want any problems okay ? With you, the cops or whoever is fucking wanting you dead. I'm an honest citizen.

What a hypocrite, he was literally yelling at you seconds ago.

You frown, trying to even understand what he's implying. You scratch your cheek, eyeing him from head to toe. He's in a tux, like always. He never do shit here, settling for bossing everyone around while trying to make you believe he's an irreplaceable element in the team.

Judging by his eyes, he is not kidding.

Is he for real firing you ? Just like that ? For some imaginary story he just made up ? Jobless, you will be jobless. He is firing you. A nervous chuckles escapes you, earning you a raise of the brow from Tony. No, oh no no ! You have this job, you did nothing wrong ! Life is already more shitty than it ever been ! Stalker, debts, fucking serial killer wanting your ass and now you lost your main job ? No, that won't do.

You were already planning to leave the bar, how are you supposed to find back two jobs ? One already was an ordeal.

-Honest citizen ? Are you blind ? You were more so than him at the moment. You don't even have an ounce of honesty in your fucking body ! Are you even aware of everything I did for this shitty place ? You can't fire me and you won't because no one else want to be your fucking slave ! Your job is slavery ! I don't want to be some kind of toy you throw away after you've had enough fun with it !

Tony was outraged you could talk to him like that. He was similar to a bourgeois in the eighteenth century, acting shocked after being the most gruesome person alive, putting his hand displayed on his chest and playing innocent.

-Me ? You should be honored to even be working ! You never understand, do you ? You are wanted, that's it ! There's nothing more, nothing less. You are fired. I am not hiring trash.

You hope the worst criminal of this town gets you, right here, for his fucking ugly disgusting restaurant to be destroyed to the very last crumbs. You'll use his body as a human shield while you're at it, after all, what else can he be useful for ?

Your body is boiling like lava. Hitting, jumping, crying, you don't know what you want, need, to do to externalize all of these toxic feelings. Never in your life have you felt more used, humiliated.

You knew he was an asshole, of course. Everyone does, but hell he fired you ! After years of being his toy !

You understand why people in Gotham are crazy. You understand why they suddenly breakdown and fall into crime. Their life, just like yours, was wasted by some self centered prick like him. Some self centered prick who are not even much richer than you, but think they will be when disrespecting you.

Your face isn't even warm, it's seething.

Your life is flashing before you, old friend, family, home, Mike. You won't even be able to pay your rent ! Of course chaos would be loved in a city where trash rules. Why the manifestation are so violent, why insecurity and banditry are prominent ? Because everyone is tired but nobody is listening. Because nobody wants to talk, they think they're at the top of the food chain.

And he won't change his mind. You're fired, that's all. Nothing can alters his decision. It's too late. He probably just created some poor excuses to get you out, you know it. Because you're not a criminal, and no one is giving away 600 000$ for your ass; he's lying. It's too farfetched.

You muster the calmest voice you can get while in such a boiling state, and God knows how hard it is. Wasting more time here is useless, he'll pay but not now, and not by you. You have a new problem: you need to find a job.

-Why don't you kill yourself, Tony ? Right now ? your eyes were empty against his outraged ones. That's why your wife left you, by the way. That's why she left you and took your damn kids. You don't even deserve to live, really, kill yourself, jump, it'll be better for everyone."

You shrug and turn away to never come back. You really hope he disappears forever.

And without anything else to do with your day, you went back home, body functioning by its own. With no diploma and no driving license, how were you supposed to find a job ? You had little experience, mostly having worked in little jobs everywhere. Cashiers, cleaner, babysitting, gardener (you really just cut bushes and mowed the lawn), security guard, fuck, you did it all. Plus, you have a second job and companies hate to arrange their schedules according to yours, in their point of view, you're the desperate one, you should manage your life.

It was safer to wander in Gotham now, the sun was bright in the sky. It was a clear day, really pretty. A shame you couldn't enjoy it.

You open the always creaking door of the building, feeling the freezing temperature inside. Truly a mystery, though a benediction in the hottest summer. A night out and it's like you already don't know this place anymore. You stand in the middle of the hall, staring at each crack in the walls, each suspicious stains, inhaling the disgusting smell emanating from it all.

Yeah, you hate this place.

Sighing and rubbing your tensed shoulders, you approach your mailbox. Opening it, you're pleasantly surprised when no cards is in sight. Maybe he finally got bored ? Your reaction back at the bar probably wasn't what he expected, not satisfying enough so he gave up. You hope so.

What's inside however is a A4 white sheet folded in two. Thinking a neighbor might have wanted to contact you, you open the paper. Yet, on it, the photo of your identity card in huge format, above it, your whole legal name with just below a price, written 'wanted' for treason. A chill run down your spine.

Okay, that is not funny. What the hell ? Did Tony did that ? If yes, how and why ? You pass your hand on your face, harshly rubbing your eyelids to wake you up. This is a joke, everything's a joke.

An echo brings you back on earth when someone goes down the stairs, upon seeing you, your neighbor halts. You offer him a tight lip smile out of pure politeness, which is a an act he does not even try to imitates as he eyes you as if seeing an animal. Do you look that bad ?

Awkwardly, you shift your weight on your feet to ease the tension growing in you. Why is he still looking at you ? The man, even though you were already well far away from him, distances himself and instead of going straight to the door to leave, bothers to make a detour in order to skirt you completely, without daring to approach a millimeter. Does he think you're going to bite, or what ? You two have talked in the past, briefly sure, but still. Fuck, his behaviour does not comfort you one bit.

When the door shut, you're left standing alone once again.

Things are definitely going in a direction you don't appreciate, you may need to hurry up before something really bad happens. Your hand fetches your phone in your back pocket, calling Sean. When he answers, he does not even bother to greet you.

"You okay? You left really early. You're at work ?

-I got fired, long story. I really need your help, again. I'm truly sorry I myself don't quite understand what's going on and... you stop your ranting, breathless and a lump in throat.

-It's okay, really. I don't mind. Tell me everything, how did you get fired ? Why ?

You called him for several reasons. The first being that he's kind of the only friend you have. The second being that Sean's family know people. They're all criminal at different degrees, whether it is gang leader, small thief or hitman. He's the only one actively trying to live an honest life.

-It's complicated and I'm still pissed about it. you tell him seriously, walking in circles in the hall. I have a question and I really need your answer.

-Not stressing at all. He tries to ease the mood, in vain.

-Am I wanted ?

Sean doesn't answer for twenty seconds too much. His silence is starting to worry you, why isn't he saying anything ? Is he confused ? Does he know ? Please, may he not hide something from you. Wanting to distract yourself, you take the stairs to join your flat. Your fingers were creasing the paper sheet in your hand so hard you could have ripped it.

-In like, he finally starts with a strained voice, a personality kind of way ? Relationship ? He chuckles awkwardly while you frown. Well, no offense but uh, I don't think I am attracted to you, I like you but I wouldn't say I want you, you know ? But you shouldn't be insecure, you're a really great person you know, and I mean, you're not ugly so...

-Sean, what the fuck ? You finally cut him when it hit you that he wasn't answering. You were on the floor just below yours, wanting to walk and not quite go home for the moment.

-I'm sorry, was that mean ? That was definitely mean. He clears his throat. Listen, what I meant was...

-No Sean I'm not insecure, everything's fine. I did not mean... Argh ! You're in this kind of environment, you should know !

-What environment ...?

You want to pull at his hair and shake his head back and forth to punish him for being so stupid. Or maybe you were just not being clear, it was surely that. You were incredibly stressed. Traveling between the different floors or the building to stretch your legs.

-Like, criminals, mafia, I don't know. It's... You sigh, your anger dissipating when you realized you were being a little harsh to him. Weird things keep happening to me and I think I'm going crazy for thinking I may have a price on my head.

-Oh, wanted wanted. No because I thought... He coughs. Never mind. I can definitely tell you that. But honestly, odds are low. No offense but you have nothing to give to anyone. You don't have a lot of money. So I don't think anyone wants you.

Damn.

-Why do you think that anyway ? he asks.

Very briefly, you explain to him why Tony had fired you, still using the stairs and floors as a distraction. Of course, you then told him about the paper you found in your mailbox and the weird encounter with your neighbor.

-I'm just really fucking lost, Sean. I'm sorry, you've been nothing but nice to me and I keep snapping at you, I-I don't know what's going on.

-You're freaked out, it's normal. I don't blame you. I'll help you, send me the wanted poster you got. Maybe it's fake."

Of course, you tell him. You'd do pretty much anything to get out of this situation. You want it to be fake, but there's just an accumulation of bad things that tend to make you believe it's true. Looking around you, you notice to be on the last floor of the building. Flattening the paper sheet back, trying to erase all the creases, you lay it on the dirty floor of the hallways. You tear your phone away from your ear for a simple moment to take the picture. You press send.

You wait impatiently for him to say something, anything. But his reaction is clearly not the one you were waiting for:

-Oh fuck.

-What ? you panic, feeling your heart rises in your throat. What do you mean 'oh fuck' ? Sean ?" But the nauseating ringing of the call being cut short echoes in your ear.

He hung up.

You bite your lip, shutting your eyes as hard as you can. Your fingers find your closed lid, pressing on it as if calming an upcoming headache. What the fuck is going on exactly ? Why did he hang up ? Did you say something ? Did he see something ? You can't keep doing that, nobody answered any of your questions since this morning. You are tired.

You give up. You'll go back home, sleep a little. Research a job in the newspaper and hope for things to get better. Sighing, you walk the stairs once again, only this time to really move on.

Has everyone given up on you ? It feels like it, no one seems akin to want to help you. You never did any wrong to anyone. You always hold the door open to people, you give the few you have to homeless people in the streets. You payed what an old woman lacked in money for her groceries. You work everyday of the damn week, with no holidays.

What have you done ?

Sure, you're starting to break down, you told Tony to kill himself, you yelled at Sean. What the hell ? Never would you have done that in your life. What's happening ? It's getting scary out there, yet, no one's here for you to confide in.

You never should have left your hometown, you punished yourself.

The first thing you do once inside your home is falling head first on the couch. Feeling tears filling up your eyes. You don't fight them, letting them slide freely along your cheeks. After all, it's the good part of having a place to yourself, you get to cry alone in the safety of it.

You'll have to give it up, though. Without necessary money, you'll eventually need to move. Probably find a roommate and live in a red light district.

You spent the next hours trying to read classified ads, key word being 'trying' as your watery eyes didn't allow you to see much. And you ended up watching TV, like you always do. You couldn't fathom the idea of being that alone. When did it all go wrong ? Are you a horrible person ?

The news-woman kept talking and talking without stopping, saying the same things as yesterday and probably tomorrow as well. Inflation, criminality, inflation, criminality. Where were you in all of this ? What about the population ? Where were the solutions ? Is this city really stuck in a loop of chaos ?

The screen now displays a cop in a police station, sharing his feeling and impression about the improvement of the city. You don't listen to him, more struck by what's behind him: a poster on a cork board. Yours. It's your face, with the price, 'treason' shit and everything. The exact same poster you had in your mailbox. The situation is that bad, huh ? Your wanted poster is right next to The Joker one. Is there a link ? Are they hoping to find him after finding you ? They're wrong, then.

You wait, impatiently trying to decipher whether the policeman will talk about you or not. But he does not, so you lay back down on the couch. How does wanted people live freely ? You've been researched for a few hours and you're already going crazy with the feeling everyone's watching you.

Do you even know a criminal in this town ? Well, the only one you do know is Sean. You briefly meet them at the bar, as part of your job. Befriending them is not for you though, so you have no useful information to give the Joker. Then what does he want ?

The doorbell rings through the flat, screaming at you to get up and do something with your life. A chill run through your body, breath stopping for a second out of fear to be heard. For a while, you don't move. Who could it be anyway ? Surely bad news. Now that you're wanted, it could be anyone. But the rings echoes again, forcing you to get up. Slowly and as quietly as possible, you slide to the door. Eye staring through the peephole, you're surprised to discover Sean standing anxiously outside.

How did he get your address ?

Opening the different locks on your door, you however keep the small chain closing it. It wasn't much of a protection to be honest, but you needed to lie to yourself a little bit.

"You hung up on me. Is the only thing you say when your eyes meet.

-I know, I'm really sorry. Are you okay ?

-How did you get my address ? It's weird.

He explains to you how your information are given on your work file. You stand inside, judging him from head to toe. He welcomed you at his place, you have to be polite or you'll really look like an opportunistic. But it's hard when you don't know his exact thoughts.

-Why did you hang up ?

-I talked to my uncle, he has a bar in the center of Gotham. Every criminal goes there, he knows everything.

-And ?

-You're safe, it's false. You're not wanted. He... He didn't see your poster. So it was a bad joke. Silence, you don't believe him. I promise. You're not in danger.

Then why is your face plastered in all Gotham ? Is he completely sure about that information ? You hate to act this way but, it's too late for him to tell you that anyway. False or not, the poster of your head is everywhere. People will try to find you. The veracity of it all doesn't matter anymore.

Though you can't shake that uneasy feeling inside you alerting you of his lie. You saw your face on TV, in a police station. It's not nothing !

-How are you so sure ?

-I told you, you have nothing that could interest such a dangerous man as the Joker.

He's right, on the other hand, something's definitely wrong.

-What do we do, now ?

-You could let me in ? I want to help you but we can't talk if I stay outside.

Halfheartedly, you let him in. He thanks you, admires a few seconds his surroundings before plopping down on the couch. You stay standing even after closing the door shut, crossing your arms on your chest and awaiting his arguments.

Should you tell him you saw your face in a police station ? No, you need to know what he's going to tell you. He's lying, you know it now. But why ?

You thought he could be a friend, turn out you can't trust him that much. Or are you losing it ? Policemen are quite dumb here, they are completely capable of believing everything they see and considering they're desperate to catch the Joker; they could have took your poster as a track.

-What's your plan ? you ask.

-It depends on what you want.

Well, you want a lot of different things. Money, happiness, freedom, family, equality, peace. Right now though, one will be enough.

-I need a job, I can't pay my rent this month otherwise.

-That one's easy. He crosses his arms on his chest, sinking into the sofa cushions. Try ask your bank, they'll lend you some.

-No they won't Sean, I'm indebted. Seriously, did he really think life was this easy ? Did he really think you haven't thought of doing just that ?

He sighs and shrug, crossing his legs, he put his feet on the table. Your eyes are enough to tell him to put them back on the ground. He's a little bit too comfortable for your liking.

-It's these immigrants my friend. We lack money because of them.

What ?

-No, it's just poor distribution of resources. With the ongoing inflation and such, it has literally nothing to do with immigration. You frown, confusion lacing your tone, answering him as if asking a question, because what ? That was so out of pocket ? It's stupid to think like that, it's too easy to accuse others. They're as fucked as we are, you know ? Don't say that.

That's what Gotham thinks ? That each one of their problem is caused by others ? Industries, Government, Politics, they're the one causing all of this. How does someone get to this conclusion ? You thought Sean was good, hell, his family was poor. They survived thanks to drugs and banditry. He's bold to think immigrants are the problem: His family literally embezzles money.

-Jeez, calm down.

Well, it's difficult to be calm towards this kind of stupidity. But at least it keeps you in check, you know who he's voting for. Never trust anyone. It's true you don't know him that well, after all.

-You want my help or not ?

It's harder to see him in the same light as before after this, but if he's the only one willing to help, you can't waste this chance.

-Yeah. You sigh, ashamed with yourself. I need people to forget about me.

-Good, meet me at the back of the bar at the end of our shift. He's not waiting for an answer as he gets up to leave.

-Wow. No ?

He stops in his tracks as you block his way.

-What do you mean, 'no' ?

Is he serious ? With everything you risk ? Criminals at the bar know you, hell, some of them see you every night. No, you are not joining him in the dark in a creepy alley late at night when people want you dead. Also, you need to think a little before jumping straight back to work, it's dangerous.

-Because I don't want to die ?" You need to tell him. "Okay, Sean, I may not understand everything but I know you're lying to me. Am I wanted or not ?

He already lost every ounce of respect you had for him. First with the lying, then with the whole immigrants things.

-You don't believe me ? Is he trying to make you feel guilty ?

-I saw my fucking head on the TV. I believe that's enough proof for me. You cut the conversation straight, not wanting him to keep lengthening things uselessly.

Sean doesn't answer, seemingly hesitating. What is he thinking ? He has to respond. He's constantly trying to avoid the subject and it's getting frustrating.

-That means I'm in danger, right ?

-Yes." he finally answers. Thank God, you think, God why, you also think. "But not because of the Joker. He's not responsible for what's happening to you. All the cards and riddles are from him, yes, but someone saw you two talking at the bar and thought they could get to him by killing you.

You entirely stopped trusting him after he mentioned the cards and the riddles. Because never, in all your discussions, have you mentioned receiving these. He knows too much.

You don't bring it up, of course.

-Explain.

Who could have told him about the riddles, if not you ? The one sending them ? Yes, but Sean's terrified of him. Plus, he couldn't talk to him, even if he had the courage to. It's the Joker, from what you understand, you don't approach him easily. He's not the small local criminal. He's something more.

-The Joker's well known. Everyone wants to defy him. And someone saw you.

-Who ? you ask, finally getting some well deserved qualitative answers.

-His name was, uh, Korej I believe.

-Ko...Rej... you repeat, unimpressed, frowning.

Is it you or does it sound vaguely similar to Joker, but with the letters all mixed up ?

-It's his pseudonym." He hastily answers. "But his real name is John, he lives in the richest part of Gotham. He's a mob leader. He fucking despises the Joker, that's why his name is Kojer.

-Korej, you corrected.

-Yeah, it's difficult to remember. It's quite the shitty name.

He really think you're dumb, right ? You clasp your hands together, catching his drifting attention.

-Okay, well, thank you for everything Sean. It was a pleasure, truly. But now I'm gonna ask you to leave.

-You don't believe me ?

No, no you don't. Everything he ever said to you since he first came here was either weird or false. And sometimes weirdly false.

-Please, leave my house.

You'll go to the nearest police station, ask for help. And if nobody helps you, you'll find a way out of here. This city is dead anyway, there's nothing for you anymore. It's too late.

-Don't you want to talk about it ? he asks hurriedly, displaying his open hands in the air as if ready to grab your shoulders.

-If you want us to talk, okay, you yield. But choose somewhere safe, with a lot of people. I am not joining you at the back of the bar at night where everyone could kill me.

You're going crazy. Why are you even accepting this ? It's not a dream, nor a joke, you really are wanted. People want to kill you. There is money on your head. Sean is deep in thoughts before getting the enlightenment he needed, suddenly vigorously saying:

-Shopping center.

-What ?

-Let's meet at the shopping center, in two hours. I have things to prepare, people to call. You have my number, I'll call you. Is it good for you ?

His behaviour is screaming danger, on the other hand, a rendez-vous in a crowded shopping center at 3PM is not as risky as the bar. And if things turn bad, you still have a chance to run away, hidden in the mass. You hope the things he'll prepare will help you, and not worsen everything.

"Okay. You yield, once again.

-Thank you so much, he exclaimed." Why is he thanking you ? "You're a real sweetheart. It will be worth it."

And with these last words, he left.

You won't go. Of course you won't go damn, you don't want to die. He's so suspicious ! Why so much relief ? He's the one supposed to help you, you're not doing anything for him. You absolutely changed your mind. Yesterday, he was that nice man who saved your life, welcoming you home warmly. Today, he's, well, you don't know who he is anymore. You want to understand, discover what's wrong, but at the same time, it's not yours to do.

Fuck, you need to empty your mind. It's tiring, to be suspicious of everyone, to always have to thoroughly think about everything you do. You plop down on your couch, grabbing the remote and turning the TV on. There's a cartoon going on. Tom and Jerry, a cat chasing, or at least trying to, a mouse. But the mouse's well smarter than the cat. 

Each time he thinks he'll catch it, the mouse finds a way to turn the situation to his advantage. Because in fact, the cat will never win. He has the illusion of strength because of his height, when the mouse is vicious, malign. 

Also, if the cat caught the mouse, well, the show wouldn't have any interest anymore. 

On the screen, the mouse finds a way to slam the door in the cat face, who's dizzy. To illustrate it, stars and birds are rotating around his head.

You don't know why the mouse does all this, maybe to survive. The small animal found the comfort of a warm house with good cheese and doesn't want to leave. The cat, however, is forced to chase it all day. As his owners force him to. It's his role, as the house guard, to chase rodents. Otherwise, he'll be replaced. 

You have to be really damn fucked for you to start analyzing a stupid cartoon. 

Jeez, it's a cat chasing a mouse, it's silly, it's fun to watch. You don't think, just turn off your brain and have fun. Why can't you do just that ?

Sighing, you change channel, trying to find something worth watching. You end up watching the news, it keeping you grounded. It helps you think you're not the worst case, that there's always worse somewhere. It's deeply selfish, but hey, you can't do much about it. Your life is pretty much ruined at the moment. 

What's today's problem? Well this time, the subject is centered around climate change and its catastrophes.

"Global warming. Today, in Spain, alarming news. The national temperature has increased considerably by 46°F (5°C) since last year. The Spanish are revolted, the world is encountering a record in warmth. Their main claim, she reads her notes, "It's summer's weather when we're in autumn." She briefly gulps her saliva. "Indeed, the local heat reached 86°F (30°C) while 73°F (23°C) at night. IPCC's report is alarming, something has to change. Is the world government going to act ?" She quits her serious tone and changes the subject. "Local news; what's happening in Gotham today ?"

Ah, here you go. You turn up the volume. 

"Earlier in the main avenue today, several store signs were vandalized by a group of masked men, it is thought to be perpetrated by an illegal organization. It's a real raid that happened, terrorizing the passers-by and owners. The identity of the delinquent stays unfounded. We know that the police department is currently working on..."

You mute the TV. Vandalizing stores, now ? They didn't even steal anything, who does that ? On the screen, a replay of surveillance cameras showing masked men running, pushing people and only stopping to draw weird shapes on a few of the stores. It's bad, but not quite as bad as your case. Putting the sound back, you're perfectly timed with the conclusion of the event. 

"Where is Batman ? Has the vigilante abandoned our city ? We hope for his prompt return in time for him to apprehend the Joker." 

Batman, right. You forgot that man was even existing. While some wonder who is hiding behind the mask, you're left questioning yourself on which side is he. If he's with the cops, is he a good or bad man ? Police is part of the problem, certainly. But Batman sometimes helps people, although you never encountered him yourself. But is he really with the police ? 

Who is he working with ? And why is he what he is ?

"Whatever... You rub your eyes."

Why do you even keep thinking about that, it's not your problem anymore. You're leaving. Gotham has nothing left for you. Batman can do whatever he wants, for all you care. He doesn't know about your insignificant existence, why waste it thinking of him ? 

But are you really leaving this place, though ? 

Are you really about to leave your life and flee like a coward ? Yes, is the obvious answer. You could think about it, is the less obvious answer. 

Yes, your life is at stake. On the other hand, Sean could really be useful as you're still in danger as long as you stay in Gotham, he's a considerable ally in this story. And not only Sean but his family as well could help you. 

You know about his aunt. That woman is quite well known. A powerful gang chief. You could pay her to get escorted outside of Gotham. You're already indebted anyway, you have nothing to lose anymore. Moreover, nothing guarantees your safety once outside of Gotham. If the Joker is as feared as shown in the media, changing city won't be enough. Which is why you need to clear the problem directly from the root. 

Okay, you won't lose anything in going, right ? Maybe your life, but it's worth a try. You'll join Sean. Yes, you'll join him. 

When the time arrived, you couldn't shake that uneasy feeling taunting you all while preparing yourself. What if someone chases after you ? What if you get kidnapped ? You won't, of course you won't. Sean will be there when you arrive. He's dissuading enough. He's a big man. 

You found yourself before the gigantic mall before even being able to process it. It was crowded, people entering and getting out every second. For a moment, your eyes search for Sean in the rabble only to find no one. He's probably inside, it's safer. 

Tightly holding the hood stuck on your head, you stare intensely at whoever crosses your path, trying to gain enough courage to finally enter the building. 

It's scary to be wanted, the displeasing impression everyone's looking at you is suffocating. You could get killed, right now. Abducted, even. 

When the automated doors open, you're greeted by the cold air conditioning. It's autumn, why the hell would someone want to freeze to death ? 

Checking your phone, there's still no sign of Sean. He couldn't possibly stand you up, right ? He's the one who insisted for you to come. It wouldn't be logical. He's just late.

You can't really afford to be waiting in your situation, every second matters. You don't know what will happen. And, yeah, you're kind of starting to freak out. You don’t know where your wanted poster ended up. Maybe you’re already dead, and, shit, you're alone in such a vulnerable position. Fuck, why did you come ?

You’re trying to stay rational, thinking of every possibility as to why he’s not here. You nod your head to yourself, trying to ease your nerves. He'll come. You just need a little patience. He said he needed to prepare things beforehand, that's why he's late. He's late because he'll help you. 

You miss the mall, it's been long since you last came here, too preoccupied with your two jobs. You used to like watching people but quickly stopped. First, you once or twice made an awkwardly long eye contact with a man who then wanted to beat you up for provoking him, "like a pussy". Then, the second reason is that people are just... Mean. You'd look at a pretty woman only for her to spit on the ground. In the street is already disgusting enough, but the mall ! You'll look at a man hugging a woman, just to realize that they both don't know each other and that he's drunk out of his mind. 

Maybe you do need to get out of here, actually. 

Your phone still hasn't buzzed, you need to do something with your body or you’ll go crazy. It’s obvious staring daggers at your device every second won’t help. He's not here yet, you need to accept it and wait. You'll walk a little to not get noticed, your tensed and motionless body language is screaming suspicious and people are starting to side eye you. 

It’s only natural of your legs to start bringing you to the places you used to go to, only to realize that one of your favorite stores closed permanently. Of course, with the crisis. It’s not surprising. 

"Fucking morons..." Mutters a man to your left. Upon looking in his direction, you meet the owner of the voice standing on a stepladder, trying to energetically scrub with a sponge his store's sign. Key word being 'trying' as it's not successful. 

Right, earlier's vandals. 

He's cursing to himself, scrubbing progressively more aggressively the almost intact big black 'O' tagged on the sign mocking him. 

"Can I know who did that? asked your curiosity. 

-Fucking assholes, he answers without even looking your way, that's who did that. 

-What do they looked like ?

-No idea, he grumbles. They all had that stupid mask on. All white with some blue and red. No idea what that was supposed to be. Ask the other owners if you're so interested, but you're late. Journalists already left. 

Oh, right. He thinks you’re a journalist. 

-Thank you, have a nice day sir.

-Yeah yeah…”

You heard several stores were vandalized, where are the others ? Letting your legs wander, you get your answer a few meters/feet away. A sign is hanging by an electric thread. 

It’s a shoe store, but its signboard was now displaying a big black 'O'. You lift a brow, confused about its meaning. Usually, tag either insults or convey a message. Anyhow, there's a sense. Now though, you can't quite pinpoint it. O, what starts with an O. Optimism, oppression, obedient omelette ? It can be anything. Maybe it's not a letter, but a signature? 

Two stores away (you see it out of the corner of your eye) another of these is vandalized, this time, a bold 'B' was written. What word could this correspond to? B for Batman ? It's not a word, mostly a name. Baby, maybe. Bomb, bag, anything. Hell, it could even be badminton for all you know. 

Next letter is directly after the previous one, a 'S' hiding the dress logo the sign was exhibiting prior. The paint is dripping a little and one or two drops can be seen on the ground. 

"Those damn scum." a man grumbles, who you think might be the owner of the poor store. He crosses his arms on his chest, looking up disapprovingly. 

You ignore him, now thrilled by all of this. You want to discover all the tags. It's not like you have much better to do anyway. Sean still hasn't answered you. You know what to do to wait: find words for each letter. S makes you think of sabotage, skull and soup. 

You see the next letter from afar, this time, an "E" welcomes you. Though, this one was partially erased. You guess the owner found the right product. It's now possible to read the sign and enjoy the sweet sight of what seems to be a sex shop sign. Is it even legal ? There's kids coming into this mall. Anyway, a lot of words start with E; Electric, Ebola, education, eagle. 

You don't find the next letter right away, needing to walk a little to find it. But when you do, you're weirdly excited. It's just a bunch of words on some signboards, yet, it's fun. Like an orienteering race. But mostly because you don't get to have much fun today, and this being out of your quotidian, it's easy to be ecstatic.  

Further away, it's not one but two letters that greets you; two "S", entwined like snakes. Shit, is it a nazi kind of tag ? It looks like the police's symbol there was back then. If that’s the case, you don’t find this as exciting as before. Not a good thing to write. There's already so much chaos here, you pray nazis are not going to be added to it. You think of the word 'Swiss' for this letter.

Next letter is an 'I'. Investigation, investment, ice. A woman bypasses you, hitting your shoulder with her. You squeal out of surprise, the woman doesn't even notice you. What a shitty town. You check your phone again, making sure Sean didn't try to contact you. No reply. 

Walking ahead, the next vandalized store needs you to turn to the left to be seen, it's an 'O', again. But you don’t have the time to think of words that you already see the next letter. It’s a ‘N’. Night, Nemo (as in the movie) and nuisance. You already found words starting with ‘O’ anyway. It seems to be the last one as you walk and turn but no others appear. Disappointment lingers, sad it ended so soon. 

What is it, does it form a word at the end ? Like street art ? Maybe, a shame you already forgot all the previous letters. It was fun, though. You'd do it again, it's entertaining. Like a track game where you follow a path. Vibrations are bringing you back to reality, rushing to take it, you rotate to leave the place in order to find somewhere calmer. In your haste, you bump straight into someone. You freeze for a second, phone in hand.

They’re wearing a mask, a clown mask on their black hair. And a really ugly one. It’s shiny, like plastic and it surely is. Their eyes are the only thing you see through the holes. Whoever that is is staring right into your damn soul. Their eyes are empty, so empty you might think they’re on some kind of drug. The big red nose in the middle of their face is mocking you, laughing at you to be scared of something so ridiculous. Two small tufts of green hair are standing on each side of his head, the false bloody teeth drawn on the mask is the final touch that tells you to leave.

“Sorry.” you mumble, avoiding eye contact.

Your hands are holding your phone so tightly that fear strikes you that you could actually break the screen. The clown does not move when you walk past him, and you realize right then and there that they were well too close to you for it to be normal. You hate clowns, you hate them so much. All of this because of that stupid Joker. That person probably wasn’t even related to him, maybe he was one of the vandals. You don’t know, you don’t want to.

When you pick up Sean’s call, he apologizes for being late and plans an area for you to meet. You’re before the sex shope tagged by the “E” by the time Sean joins you. You’re not as convinced as before to destroy the problem from its root after the clown encounter. You’re not a hero, not a criminal. You’re nothing, you don’t have anything to prove to anybody. You should leave.

“You okay ? You look like you saw a ghost ? He laughs, but he’s not your friend so you don’t.

-So ? Got out much more coldly than you intended it to be.

-Jeez, you’re impatient. I’ll help you, I told you I would, right ?

You did, doesn’t mean you really will. You cross your arms on your chest, approaching him for him to hear you more clearly.

-Do you have any information ? Ways to get me out of here ? To resolve this ? Anything ?

He sighs, stepping back as if you’re the plague and looking elsewhere in the crowd. He seems conflicted, forehead creased by his worry.

-I can’t tell you now, walls have ears.

-Then why the fuck would you tell me to join you here ? If you’re so scared to be spied on, we could have continued this discussion at my place.

Your tension is building up. It’s fucking frustrating to talk with him. He starts teasing you with interesting information, then, he retreats and acts as if nothing happened and you’re just impatient. He told you to come here, he told you he’d help you.

-At least answer my questions, you plead, I don’t even know who… Who is the Joker ? Who is he exactly ? He physically tensed, his shoulders literally hunched forwards. What the hell ?

-Well, uh, it's complicated.

Damn, even that couldn’t be answered. Why are you still here ?

-What do you mean it's complicated ? Is he a terrorist ? A thief ? A gang leader ? A serial killer ? It's a simple question.

-He's a little bit of everything, truly.

Why does he always seem so nervous talking about him ?

-Sean for the love of God, he’s not here ! people are starting to look in your direction, but you couldn’t care less. You can calm down, he won’t kill you ! You gotta breathe a little, man. Aren’t you the one who literally told me he wasn’t after me ? It’s not the first time you’re lying to me and I’m starting to lose it. Why am I here ? Tell me, why are we fucking here if you’re not gonna help me ! Who is this man and what does he want ? Why does he want to kill me ! It’s…” a gunshot whistles in the air, cutting you in your sentence straight away, screams erupting from all sides.

Your body acts before you can think, throwing yourself on the ground. It’s hard to understand what’s going on, but in a way, you don’t try to. You get up quickly and lose yourself in the running and yelling crowd. Your paranoia is not helping, was this gunshot aimed at you ? Sean is somewhere in the mall, but it’s too late. You gave him a chance, he wasted it.

Another gunshot echoes, followed closely by the sound of a glass breaking. Your senses are overwhelmed; names, insults, orders are being yelled. Is the Joker here ? You need to get out of here, now. Bodies are pushed against yours, your clothes are being tugged on. But when you were about to reach the exit, someone harshly grabs you out of the crowd, pulling you aside. It’s panic in your head, survival instinct kicking in. You yank your arm out of the person’s hold but freeze upon seeing Sean threaten you with a gun.

“Sean, you start with a shaky voice, what the fuck ? his eyes are cold, you don’t recognize him. He looks at you as if you're nothing, as if you're no one.

-He’s here, he states, looking paranoidly to the sides. He’s… He’s going to kill me if I don’t bring you to him.

-Bring me to who, Sean ? But you fear you might already know.

-The Joker.

Of course he’d betray you. Who are you kidding ? You knew, you knew he would trap you. Your eyes can’t leave the sight of the gun barrel, following each of its movements. He’s shaking, you realize. Is he scared, hesitating ? Or motivated by a hatred so pure he can’t even control his own feelings ?

-Sean, you try nonetheless, he’ll kill you either way okay ? He’s a sadist, we can… you gulp, throat suddenly burning dry. We can leave together, we’ll leave the city and…

-You don’t understand, do you ? He’ll track you, he’ll track us down. And then, he’ll slaughter us like pigs. You hear me ? He’ll slaught…

-I get it ! I get it ! you scream, shutting your eyes in order to erase those images from your head.

How can you even change his mind ? You doubt he’d fold with some speech about your friendship. It’s not like you two were that close to be honest. Sure, you liked him but that changed since the beginning of the Joker catastrophe.

-He promised me money, he explained himself. As if you’d forgive him after hearing his justification. A lot of money. You can’t understand what it’s like to… when you see him lower his weapon, you interrupt him, drived by your anger.

-How can you be so stupid ? He was, he truly was an idiot for believing the Joker. You haven’t known that beast for long, but each time someone defined him, it was always along the lines of wicked, treacherous, vicious and ruthless. So yeah, he was stupid. Was your life worth something as insignificant as money ? Has he ever liked you ?

-Shut up ! I’m done living like a fucking tramp !

Tramp is a big word coming from him, daddy pays him everything ! You’re tired of his tantrums, he is a grown man, ten or fifteen years older than you and he’s acting like a child. Suffering is your quotidian as well, but you would’ve never betrayed him. In fact, that is your problem. You’re not a scumbag like him, that’s why you can’t stand him. You have no value similar to his, if he even has some. By what right does he think he can use you to get, what, a few dirty money ?

If you're going to die, at least you'll die telling him every resentment you had towards him.

-You think I am happy ?! Your life’s better than mine ! Fuck you Sean, you’re an asshole ! You’re a fucking asshole ! You’re the one that should die !

-Shut the fuck up you whore !

A burning pain sliced through you along a sharp sound, legs losing all strength and making you fall on the ground. Your ears are ringing and your breath is cut for a few long seconds. What happened ? Is the first question popping in your head, but the atrocious pain coursing through your leg answers you. Your hand touches your hurting limb, but retreats it instantly at the pain. So you look down.

Blood, there’s blood everywhere.

It’s yours. It’s… It’s your damn blood, you’re bleeding. You have a hole in your leg and it’s gushing out blood. He shot you. Fuck, oh God, oh God, you’re bleeding. You’re fucking bleeding and it hurt like hell. It hurt so damn bad, why, why did he do that ? Your eyes are stinging and soon, tears fall down your cheeks. Are you going to die ? Here ? With nothing accomplished ? Alone ? Shot by the only man you thought was your friend ?

-I believe alive was written on the contract.

You recognize that voice, you hear it in your nightmares.

-Joker ! I… She tried to run away, I had to immobilize her !

It’s weird, your body is exhausted, yet, the pain is keeping you well awake. Your head is heavy when you lay it on the dirty ground of the mall. Eyes trailing slowly to the two men talking. Finally, he’s here before you. He’s shown himself. Even if it’s only the second time you see him, you talked and heard about him so much these past hours it feels like you’ve been with him for months. And maybe you were, in a way. Sean walks past you, not glancing towards your drained body on the ground. He’s scared of him. He plays the big man with you, but he’s a little bitch.

How is Sean, a man built like a fridge, so terrified of someone so ridiculous as the Joker ?

Who is he ?

The pain in your leg makes it feel numb and at the same as alive as it never been. The Joker sighs exaggeratedly, he tilts his head to the side to look at you. Shivers shake your whole body. Is that it ? This is the man who’ll abduct you ? You’d rather get killed instantly.

-And right on Valentine’s day...” mumbles the Joker.

It’s not, it’s autumn. Valentine’s day is in February, in winter. From your position, police sirens are heard and red and blue lights are flashing, reflecting on the windows. The Joker takes out a gun out of his long purple jacket and aims it towards Sean.

“Please ! He yells. I-I did what you wanted ! She’s here, please don’t kill me ! I’m a hitman, I’ll work for you !

Is he, now ? He's barely a barman.

-Do I look like I'm searching for employees ? He asks, opening his arms and bending his hands for his palms to face the ceiling before looking around him for confirmation. Because I’m not.”

You're torn between relief and horror at the sight of Sean falling to the ground after another gunshot, bathing in his own blood. He did betray you, he brought you here, he brought this upon you, upon himself. But he’s dead. You wished him to, but now that he is you’re horrified.

It’s then that you realize that The Joker is surrounded by his masked goons. Probably the one who vandalized the store, now that you think about it. You walked right into his trap.

“Well ? What are you waiting for ? he asks almost comically. Bring the package to the car !

When several men surrounds you, you're left yelling and fighting to get out of their holds, in vain, of course. The blood gushing out of your hurting limb isn't helping much, anyway. You feel your strength slowly evaporate from you.

Shotguns echoes, but your ringing ears prevent you to precisely locate it. Soon, they throw you in the back of a car and close the door, leaving you in the dark.

Gotham killed you.  

[sadvid]

camp camp makes me insane ramble. do not click more unless you are so so very insane

camp camp is gonna make me go fucking insane i can't fucking do this anymore there is NOTHING!!!!!! NOTHING!!!! ALL THEY DID WAS GIVE US TINY PISS DRRROPLETS WITH ONE EPISODE FINALE SAYING MAXS PARENTS DONT CARE AND DAVID SAYING YOU DONT DESERVE THAT AND NOW IVE BEEN IN THE TRENCHES FOR YEAAAARSSS. i have read fics with over 100k words i have drawn so many things and imagined so many scenarios with angst and hurt/comfort and stupid stupid thoughts that would never ever happen in the show in a million years HIS ASS IS NOT GETTING ADOPTED DADVID IS NOT REAL GWENVID IS A SICK JOKE i love them so much you don't understand. i forgot to take my meds. oh my goddddd. THERE ARE LIKE THREE CAMP CAMP FANS LEFT BECAUSE THE REST WERE NORMAL PEOPLE WHO JUST WATCH THE SILLY CAMP CARTOON THAT SAYS FUCK. they dont wonder about the possibilities of a sad ten year old rejecting happiness but slowly allowing himself to be vulnerable and loved by a counselor who is surrounded by hate and despondency but stays positive despite despite despite because nobody else will and he wants to be the source of happiness that he wish someone was for him. NO! they say HAHA the ten year old said fuck! oh my god the non swearing counselor said fuck too that's so profound! oh no the ten year olds parents bad :( HAHA NOW HES BALD!!!! and after a month of the show being gone they LEAVE because they're NORNAL!!!!! but i. I AM IN THE TRENCHESSSSS. you have no idea you have no idea. listen maybe i'm just a little insane because i am a max who needs a david JUST MAYBE! and i think this is just a lot of me projecting my desperate need for love and my simultaneous rejection and fear of it onto max. And my need for someone to keep persistently and loudly loving me no matter how much i reject it. PROBABLY!!!!! i don't care i don't care how fucking insane i sound I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY I COULD talk about this show for hours i wish i didn't have job or school or life so i could write and anímate camp camp season 6 7 8 9 10 infinity and kill the warner brothers and write 500k word ao3 fics. IM INSANE. i am picking up crumbs and calling it a wedding cake do you understand. god i'm i i i i i i i i it's 2024 it's been too long too many years of this.... too many got damned years. every time i pick up a pencil i draw max camp camp. i have drawn david's stupid fucking face so many times its probably become the shape of my brain wrinkles. i go feral thinking about gwen's hair looks like down or what the fuck these characters last names are. Can you fucking believe i hyper fixated on a character whose last name i dont even know. hey who's that small angry fucker you're always doodling. uhh max. max who. max... camp camp. WHO?!!! DAVID?!!? DAVID ATTENBOROUGH?!?! MAX CAULFIELD?! i'm going to set myself on fire. i really truly am. i love them i live for nothing but a ghost child on an island and a silly friend trio. when will it end. when. i love them if you couldn't tell

[moonshynecybin]

Marc not being with Vale in Austin is fine because Vale crashed anyway and it's been a week since Argentina and Vale is still processing what Marc said (and it's not like they picked each other 100% of the time when things were fineTM, so, anyway)

Marc not picking Vale in Sachsenring, though? After the moment they had in Barcelona? Definitely feels wrong and Vale burns with jealousy (which was Marc's plan all along) (Vale goes out that night and picks up someone and it's the least satisfying one night stand he's had in forever) (and he's fully the one to blame for it)

I think it also shows Vale that Marc is not as desperate as he might have thought (and let's face it, there was obviously something satisfying thinking he had the upper hand there) and it fucks him up a little too

context on this post!! go read it...

see in my brain im thinking marc is enough of an all-or-nothing dichotomous little guy that he DOES choose vale every time he can... idk how that would work out with the rules of podiums but i have been tortured by enough gifsets (wait a minute you made some of those. find them here friends) of his 21 year old self wallpapering his room with valentino merch (and his own merch like he WAS doodling mr marc marquez rossi <3 in all of his notebooks rip king) that i think the first time he chooses anybody else is post ARGENTINAAAAAA 2018. down horrendous. down catastrophic. down so bad we might have to send him to the medical center so they can declare him medically fit to ride anyways. and thats not as fun for jealousy stuff anyways bc by then vale has realllllllly entrenched some narratives in his brain and would simply repress that <3

so!!! this au hath been set in the 2016 season where marc is half agony half hope.... one word from you would silence me forever.... so marc is um. winning a lot, and choosing valentino every time like. please talk to me. and as youve said initially its like i have nothing to say to you!! you betrayed me!! and then as it goes on a gradual thawing and they are having like. intense tender fraught winners room sex the ENTIRE time like insane people. marc fully lowkey like once he unblocks me the wedding is back on... and then as youve said in catalunya vale picks marc and blows his back out and theyre both soooo kind of. tired. of pretending that they dont like this so i think there IS a moment where marc tells a dumb joke and vale laughs (SEX LAUGHERS TILL I DIE) and then his eyes get all soft and marc leans in and its a very sweet kiss and a very sweet moment and they both think. maybe..... marc's breath caught in his chest vale's thumb on his cheek....

but this is rosquez the GOATs of motorsport divorce (no one tell me the brocedes lore shhh) so i think vale makes an offhanded comment in front of marc about picking up or something. maybe talks to uccio and blocks marc's number after he tries to call him afterwards... SOMETHING happens that pisses marc off idk what. and the next time he wins in germany hes like fine. okay. i wont choose valentino he clearly doesnt want me to. so he chooses dovi and they dont fuck but they do let everyone THINK they fucked (dovi is lowkey sad about this. cal crutchlow known marc fucker and p2 this race is despondent that he didnt get chosen.) and vale feels LITERALLY INSANE... sitting at home thinking about marc with dovi... cant get it out of his head....

[omnic]

man, i feel for so many people in so many professions, not because of them being "bad" professions, but because of other people treating said workers like worse than the dirt beneath their shoe

just got home from the bus. i like the bus because i can't really drive for multiple reasons, and it helps me with having some independence. here, we have bus stops, and to signal the bus driver to stop at one, you click on a button which resonates a "ding" throughout the bus and pops up with a light on the bus driver's dash. some of the buses as old, so every button doesn't work, or sometimes the connection to the front dash doesn't work. there's 10+ buttons per bus so if one doesn't work you just click another.

i did hear the ding on the bus, admittedly, but the bus driver must've been too focused on driving and didn't hear it. he passed by two stops without stopping and eventually stopped because someone hailed down the bus. this guy, i'd say, maybe mid 20s? stormed up to the front and was like. "hey you missed two stops" and was obviously uh. very angry. and the bus driver explained that he didn't think the bell went off because his dash didn't notify him. the guy started getting more angry and said he had clicked the bell. the bus driver then apologised and said "sorry, next time if i go past, just given me a shout and i'll stop! sometimes the buttons don't work well!" and the guy went "yeah yeah yeah, shut up fucker" and hopped off.

unfortunately, this wasn't the last we'd see of this guy, because this particular bus loops around a retirement village. so we went around and happened to pass by the guy again, and the guy started slapping the side of the bus so the bus driver slowed down. the guy immediately started swearing and threatening the bus driver, also being racist, and the bus driver got pissed and said a few things back but eventually we drove off. disgusting behaviour from the passenger and i made sure when we stopped next i went to the front like. "hey sorry dude, are you ok? that guy was very rude to you." and he explained and i listened and eventually he said, sadly, "it's ok, it's part of the job."

when i got off i thanked him and said i hoped the rest of his shift was better and he kinda did a sad smile at me but it's like wtfffff dude. all you had to be like was "hey man that was my stop!" and the bus driver would've been like "sorry! here we are, i'll stop now :)"

please treat people with respect like omg this shouldn't be rocket science

[triedntrueluckheart]

//got a fiesty 5 + ceroba au to share with yall

tw for death and angst so heavy it could kill a herd of wildebeest

also its kinda long

so. what if whenever the feisty five leave, he gets violent instead of just saying " fine ". this is the idea this is based on

so starlo attacks mooch once the five walk off, and as the others try to help her he ends up actually killing her (keep in mind, clover doesnt see- all they see is starlo running off before they go to the jail to try and free martlet)

but hes in a mindset where THEY are the ones that are wrong, and that HE didnt do anything. so thay cant leave him. unless he chooses to let them leave.

but he decides killing them is much better than making them stay since they dont wanna stay with him

the others and ceroba run off and try to hide, to no avail as starlo picks them off one by one, day by day

BUT, moray, who cared about everyone WAAAAAY too much to let this shit slide, is finna square up

so when they get jumped they fight back and do really good- but they do get pinned at some point which makes them go Primal Strength Mode and they yeet this fucker as he tries to bite their face off

he ends up just biting off some hair in front of their eye, which pisses them off more (this is the only thing that changes about moray's design, only one eye is covered now)

they let him charge and end up slicing my boi in half like we playin fruit ninja monster edition

realizing what they did they angry cry bc they arent supposed to be GUILTY dammit

but then here comes clover.

and now that moray sees them, they realize this whole thing started when clover showed up. so they attack them (if this was a mod they would be the boss instead of starlo here)

but in the end they end up defeated and BEGGING for clover to kill them

but they dont. they hug them and reassure them that the others would want them to stay alive. and they cry.

so martlet gets let out of jail by the fishey, and clover is happy

but martlet sees how sad moray is and clover decides theyre not gonna try to leave the underground bc they can infer what happened to the other five humans

they decide they wanna live with moray instead

so martlet leaves to fix her mistakes and clover helps moray move and clean stuff in the fiesty fives old house

once thats all settled moray buys them stuff and they get used to living with clover and essentially being a big sibling

now if this was a mod, you could also choose to kill moray which will uh. let you go to the steamworks using methods you use in genocide- but it ends up being more of a neutral route really by then

anyways moray has Depression™️ now and clover is kinda helping the best they can

and yes prison yuri real. clover calls martlet mom and helps with her puzzles

I DREW THE FIGHT SCENE TOO well. just morays pov but yk

[fdrsamericanflagduckfloaty]

Drop the Miku Binder TJ rant bestie

okay so like

i was just thinking about it, and, like, i think it's fucking nuts but also really weird how the hamilton fandom (which i'm in but i swear i'm not an uwu lams turtles shipper please) somehow took this CRUSTY, TERF-BANGED, UGLY, OLD, REDHEADED, RAPIST ASS MOTHERFUCKER,

and turned his ugly ass into this.

like damn what the hell- what- how???? okay like yeah, they're using daveed diggs as a base for this bullshit, which, okay, fine, but YOU DID NOT NEED TO ADD THE INFO. The idea itself is funny but also a bit weird, however im 99% sure Diggs himself wore that shirt. However, all of the extra info??? come on. Where'd the fandom get this istg y'all-

Also, also, they did something similar by making John Laurens (gay blonde dumbass) into an UWU turtles boy. ....why. Bi trash coffee gremlin tumblr over-worked sleep-deprived alexander hamilton. like yeah relatable but. why. small bean big sweater uwu innocent boy blushy short james madison. ...why. bro was stubborn and would pick a fight and was the 'fuck you' type of shy.

I just find it wild the fandom made this and it is the entirety of the fandom into one. There's the good sides, there's the bad, and there's this. Which encompasses the ENTIRE. FUCKING. FANDOM.

The fandom has its headcanons, it has its perks, but then you reach the side where everyone is just a wild fucking original character. They don't model the historical figures anymore- they're just OCs with the name 'Philip Hamilton' or 'John Laurens' or god forbid our third U.S president 'Thomas Jefferson' slapped onto it.

I'm also so confused as to how this is what the fandom is known for. We have some good fics, we have hella good art, we have a M U S I C A L , and then the first thought people have of the Ham fandom is Miku Binder Third President Founding Fucker Slaveowner Thomas Jefferson.

I also find it kind of offensive (almost put insluting oh my ufckjg-) that they made a founder become this but like he'd probably be really pissed so please keep fucking up his memory lmao he deserves it

But like... also why. What made them think of this.

Like yeah I write 20k word TR smut but you don't see me drawing it.

You don't see me making him an UWU e-boy.

...Eh I probably would for shits and giggles tbh

But like this is founding father Thomas Jefferson. Third Pres. Second VP. First Sec. of State. And he is a furry, ex-cocaine addict. Also btw do they mean John Laurens or John Adams as the former drug dealer part because neither are better but it'd really help

Also bro literally raped his 14 year old slave and had like 6 kids with her. He had her room DIRECTLY NEXT TO HIS. He RAPED HIS DEAD WIFE'S HALF-SISTER. AND HE'S A SAD UWU MAN WHO DID NOTHING WRONG?

Let's not forget this same person made a post saying Lizzie (the Queen) would be reincarnated as a horse when she died. I'm serious. Deadass.

However, it's also funny as fuck because this entire thing is a tarnish to Jefferson and I fucking HATE that bastard so like good job lol

At the same time though it's still super weird??? But insane??? Because how did this become one of the Tumblr exclusives??? like it's Tumblr history at this point. Twitter history. You cannot express any like for the Hamilton musical before you get the 'have you seen miku binder thomas jefferson' and it's like 'well shit'.

But also remember: THIS IS NOT AN OC TO FUCK AROUND WITH. Hamilton the Musical specifically gave you and presented you the founder. Thomas Jefferson. Played by Daveed Diggs. Just because it is played by a POC, but also modernized, and vastly different from the actual founder and President, does not mean that at its core it is NOT STILL THE SAME PERSON.

If you name it Thomas Jefferson, if you use the presentation of him given by Daveed Diggs, you are still using that white fucking slave-owning racist motherfucker, and that's the point of it all.

I find it stupid but funny but also insane, and I wouldn't care, unless I KNEW IT WAS SERIOUS. The artist made it seriously. They made John Laurens. They made Philip Hamilton. They did this seriously.

but like also look at this lmao

This meme of Thomas Jefferson in a Hatsune Miku binder really got trending on Twitter at one point

It's an infamous, hellish, classic meme of both Tumblr and the Hamilton fandom, and it deserves what attention it's got, but Jesus please never unironically make shit like this again, Hamilfans, we're stained by this we don't need another😭🔫

EDIT:

i have more

So like, I just remembered: it kinda romanticizes these guys??? The musical??? so like don't get me wrong i love the music but... it puts them into this light. This pink light. It paints Hamilton as an abolitionist who was outspoken about it. When, in reality, dude traded and sold slaves for his in-laws + wasn't all that outspoken about it + was against immigrants or migrants, WHEN DUDE WAS FROM THE ISLANDS. HE HAD SCOTTISH BLOOD. AND HE'S AGAINST IT? Hypocrisy at its finest.

Washington also owned slaves and ran his own plantation too, so he's not off the hook. Madison, the 'uwu small bean' of the fandom, also owned slaves and ran a plantation. So the main people of this entire fiasco are slave-owners. Perfect. But also I've heard Ron Chernow's book on Hamilton, the entire start of the musical, is a bit biased to Ham himself, so...

You could be saying 'but FDRsduckfloaty, Sally is mentioned!' yes. But however, not enough. Not more. It's not even implied more than potentially ONCE what he did, and I'm not sure it ever was! Cabinet battle 3 states it flat-out but it was cut. For your info, Ben Franklin and John Adams are the only two you can really like in the slavery aspect. Ben bought them but let them go for their freedom, and John detested slavery and was against it. Never owned one.

Jefferson did add a slavery clause to the declaration but it was discarded, and he didn't fight half as much as he could have. Maybe he did and since it was the 1700s he didn't have a lot of support, but surely he could've done something like, I don't know, call it out after his terms? Once you're done gaining your second term and out of office, they can't do shit to it or your presidency, since it's over.

So the musical itself has its own problem and the fandom is even worse. It blatantly disregards that a LOT. A hella lot of the amrev fandom + a small part of the ham fandom has called TJeffs out for it but I mean can we please not make shit like Miku Binder Jefferson and act like he wasn't an actual child rapist???

This video does pretty well at it. I will admit the tagline 'America then, told by America now' almost sends shivers down my spine for what it really means. But then again I find men not knowing they'd make it down into the history books for starting the world's global power and the world's economic powerhouse pretty interesting. Doing something big and knowing it's historical, but not that it's going to form a very, VERY large country, where you'll be honored down the road and called a Founding Father of an entire nation? Signing papers and not knowing they're the founding stones of a country and still looked up to today? Intriguing.

But like still fuck Thomas Jefferson lmao

there's a lot more videos on it that dig deep, but the point is, that Hamilton is a good musical with good songs but it's also very... complex, and a bit problematic, Thomas Jefferson is a little bitch, and you should stan 1776 before you ever stan Hamilton. 1776 does not do this. It is much more realistic. 1776 has Benjamin Franklin and that's an immediate win. Be more like a 1776, be less like a Hamilton.

[alexandraisyes]

hi it's like 4 in the morning here so im barely coherent, but i just wanted to say that 1. that rude anon wanted your attention so bad it almost made me burst out laughing, and 2. next time you get an ask like that, I'd recommend just blocking and moving on! while there's a chance people might change if you try and show them the error of their ways, i think people who go into other people's inbox's, on *anon*, to leave hate are the most miserable and pathetic people around. either let them fix themselves, or leave em to dry. they ain't worth anyones time of day, especially not yours.

and also i was serious abt them just wanting your attention. "but your stories are just for masturbating and crying!" sigsigag the fact that they ADMITTED that they get off AND that they're emotionally attatched enough to what you write to CRY is killing me. they accidentally were the #1 alex glazer and hater at the same time bro im chortling

PEACHY PLEASE HAHAHAH

Pls pls pls my emotional matrix is so fucking broken I just did a fat 180 from fighting back tears to cackling, so thank you friend. Also, I know that they wanted my attention, and that I should have just deleted it but I wanted to address it because they hit a bit of a sore spot for me. Every time I think about how people are pushing for me to get on the team my brain trails off to the fact that I do make my own content that has nothing to do with TSAMS at this point. So I think it was good for me to address that for my own sake as well, that I'm more than just a "sad porn author" and that I have earned my fanbase. That I have earned the recognition that I'm getting because my self-esteem can be shit sometimes and I need to logic out why I'm deserving of nice things.

And yeah they really did admit that they liked my fics enough to read to the sad shit, which is at THE END OF THE FICS. LIKE DUDE THAT'S 200 PAGES OF PORN BEFORE THAT WHAT ARE YOU (anon) JUDGING ME FOR WHEN IM NOT EVEN THE ONE GETTING OFF TO IT?! I'm aroace bro 😭😭😭 I'm not getting off to my writing you are.

It was just really startling I think, and maybe I just needed to vent out my frustrations with my own self-doubt and them stirring up the mud helped with that. I'm still pissed off at them, no doubt, but I mean it when I say that I think they're pathetic for hiding behind anon. I've never actually had a hater? I wasn't sure how to respond so I just went off.

But thanks Peachy. Everyone's support about the situation means a lot to me. Sometimes it helps to hear that I need to not let people waste my time like that, especially since my first instinct is to go off on them. Next time I'll probably just block and delete. I'm too old for petty fuckers to try to drag me into drama.

[rory-butnot-gilmore]

Everything Lost Can be Found

You leave with Joel, Ellie, and Tess to get Ellie to the rest of the fireflies. Things are tense for you and Joel, as he tries to navigate how to approach this situation. Neither of you seem the same anymore, so could your feelings ever be the same?

warnings: angst, violence, sadness, Ellie fluff because we love her, Joel being a grumpy old man, all the drama I could try to put in there

previous part, first part

Pairing: joel x fem!reader

“Ellie, you okay?” You looked at her, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at Joel. Not right now. It didn’t feel real, seeing him standing there. You felt like if you stared any longer your heart might rip in half.

“Yeah, this fucker just threw me but I’m good,” She nodded, and stared at you like you were some kind of hero. Ellie grew up looking at that picture of you, and the small note you left for her. A note explaining that you loved her mom, and that you loved her. She had just assumed you died when her mom died, whenever that might have been. You looked different than you had in your picture, a bit older. Your hair had a few pieces of gray in it, a couple small scars on your face.

“Perfect, now that Y/n’s here, Joel and Tess can go with you and Ellie,” Marlene sighed, still holding her side. Joel turned and pointed his gun back at her.

“You knew she was alive? You fucking knew? I know my idiot brother had to have mentioned something about her,” Joel shouted at Marlene, the woman next to him gave him a look.

“We don’t have time for this shit, FEDRA will be here soon, you three get Ellie into the city, you’re all more than capable,” Marlene snapped back, “Then Joel and Tess can get their truck battery, Ellie will go with the Fireflies and Y/n,”

“Marlene,” You warned, but then looked at Ellie, “Fine, I’m in.”

You left with Joel, Tess, and Ellie. Ellie stayed close to you, keeping her head low. Before you left, Marlene gave you a note and told you to read it in private. You got back to what you assumed to Joel’s apartment, the tension in the air made you incredibly uneasy. Tess kept glancing at you and then back at Joel, as if she was trying to figure you both out.

“Maybe the adults can have a conversation?” Tess sighed, going to close the door on Ellie. You stuck your foot in the door and shook your head.

“I’ll stay with her, you two do whatever it is you have to do,” You finally made eye contact with Joel, and frowned a little. Something about him seemed different, closed off. The door closed on you and Ellie, and you two looked at each other.

“I have so many questions for you,” Ellie whispered, “I can’t believe you’re alive, if you’re alive why the fuck was i with FEDRA? Also, how do you know that dick out there? He seemed extra pissed over you? Where have you been? Who was my mom?”

“Ellie, Ellie,” You laughed and grabbed her shoulders, “I promise we will have all the time to answer questions okay?”

You heard Joel shouting no to Tess outside the door, and then he came inside. He looked at you and Ellie, before focusing in on you. Suddenly you understood how Ellie felt, you had so many questions. Joel did too, so he asked you to talk in private. Ellie was more than pissed about it, but you promised her to answer her questions when you were done asking your own. Joel took you back to his bedroom, and you suddenly understood Tess’s extra curiosity about you. The woman’s clothing in the room gave it away.

“Where’s Sarah?” You didn’t want to ask about Tess, you didn’t think your heart could handle it right now, “Plus Tommy, where is he?”

Joel was silent, and avoided eye contact. Then it settled in for you, Sarah was gone. There was no sign of her around here. No hint of her living there with them, she would be thirty-four now. She could’ve had children of her own.

“It happened the first night of the outbreak,” Joel said it quietly before he shook his head, “Tommy and I looked for you for awhile, but eventually after the dead ends we just.. I just assumed you were gone,”

“I was with a few people from the nursing convention I was at on outbreak day, we made our way around, eventually I broke off from Marlene,” You tried your best to keep your voice from cracking, “There was a conflict over that girl sitting in the living room,”

“What’s your connection to her anyways?”

“Her mother was someone important to me, I wanted to keep her, Marlene wanted me to continue my work for the Fireflies and made me take her to FEDRA, after that I lost all respect for her and left the Fireflies,” You paused for a second, “So, you and Tess, are you..?”

“We should go keep an eye on the kid.”

Joel walked past you, and went to lay down on his couch. You and Ellie sat at the table, looking through a book of music he had. She wanted you to help her break the code on whatever it was he had set up with his radio. Ellie reminded you so much of Anna, but you couldn’t bring yourself to laugh at her little jokes. It was settling in that Sarah was really gone, you had come to terms that you might never see them again. Except you were seeing Joel, you were looking right at him. The only one of the Miller’s you would never see again, seemed to be Sarah. Sweet Sarah. Your eyes stung with tears, but you tried your best to fight them back.

“We’ll be safe right? Going outside the wall?” Ellie looked out the window, “It’s so dark out there, and no one really goes out there,”

“It’ll be fine Ellie,” You smiled, and looked back to see Joel was awake. He looked between the two of you, before he nodded in agreement.

Tess came back to the apartment, and the four of you headed out. Ellie stuck close to your side, as you all made your way through the QZ. You thought you guys were in the clear, and that you would be able to actually pull this off, you were proven wrong. There was a FEDRA officer you tried to sneak past, but he caught sight of you. From the sounds of it, Joel knew him. He had the four of you get on your knees, so he could use the scanner to see if you were infected. Joel and Tess were trying to reason with him, to get you all out of it. When it was Ellie’s turn to get scanned, she panicked and stabbed him in the leg with Anna’s knife.

“Ellie!” You shouted and grabbed her, trying to calm her down. The soldier pointed his gun at the two of you, and Joel sprung into action.

“We can fix this!” Joel yelled, but the officer just told him to move. Joel paused for a moment, and then lunged at the officer. He tackled him and started to punch him. Ellie pulled away from you, and stepped closer as Joel beat the guy to death. You stood in shock as you watched it happen. Joel was never a peaceful man, he would punch anyone in a bar who deserved it. This was different though, this felt personal.

“Joel!” Tess called out and held up the scanner. Ellie’s face dropped and she looked at the red screen, and then back at you.

“No! No! I’m not sick! Look!” Ellie pulled up her sleeve, “Look! This is three weeks old! People don’t even last three fucking days!”

You moved in front of her, glaring at Tess. Joel looked back at the officer and then at you and Ellie again.

“I couldn’t tell them! I couldn’t tell you! You would’ve killed me!”

“I should kill you!” Tess shouted.

“You aren’t going to fucking touch her! We don’t have time for this shit!” You yelled back at Tess, “We need to move! FEDRA is going to be here soon!”

The four of you cleared out, and found a place to hide out. You sat with Ellie until she fell asleep on a patch of grass, looking back at Joel and Tess who were both ready to shoot her. The pieces started to fit together to you, Anna was bit while Ellie was still connected to her. The cordyceps was inside of her already, more than likely just enough that made her immune. It was a miracle, she was a miracle. You looked up at the hole in the ceiling, and told Anna to check out her girl.

“Y/n, you shouldn’t be too close to her,” Joel finally spoke, and you glared at him.

“If I move, you’ll shoot her,”

“She’s infected,”

“No, she’s bit, and the bite is nothing more than a scar,”

“You can’t-”

“Jesus Christ I’m taking a piss,” Tess sighed and stood up, walking to the back room. Joel watched her leave, and looked like he wanted to follow. His eyes went back to you though, and you could see the conflict going on in his head.

“You can go make sure nothing happens,” You sighed and looked back at Ellie, she looked so innocent like this. All curled up with your jacket as a blanket, “It’s been twenty years, I couldn’t expect you to wait that long,”

“Tess and I, we aren’t,” Joel sighed, “Doesn’t fucking matter, the kid could turn at any minute,”

“She isn’t even twitching Joel, she’s sleeping, and if you want to shoot her, you’re shooting me first.” You didn’t back down, and Joel stared back at you. Neither one of you were ever one to back down from a fight. Sarah always said it was an equal stubbornness that kept you two so close.

The next few hours, you sat next to Ellie. You felt like if you moved, they would do something. Joel was clearly annoyed at your optimism about this, but he didn’t understand the connection. He didn’t understand that you were there for the first week of her life. That you and Anna both sat and watched her together, talking about who you both thought she would be. Anna was never keen to kids, in fact she didn’t really like them at all, but damn did she love Ellie. Even when she started to scream and cry because she was getting hungry, Anna just kept saying ‘you fucking tell them Ellie’. Anna was family, you were there the entire pregnancy. You swore to her that Ellie would be loved, and protected. That was something you would never go back on.

The note from Marlene reminded you of this promise.

“Morning,” Ellie whispered, sitting up to see Joel with his gun pointed at her. You were still positioned a little in front of her, ready to protect her if you needed to.

“Ellie, I think you need to tell us what’s going on,” You whispered to her, “I won’t let them hurt you, but we need the explanation.”

Ellie hesitated for a second, and looked at you to make sure that you were sure about this. When she was reassured she explained that Marlene needed you to get to the Fireflies because she believed Ellie was the key to the cure.

“Oh yeah, some new miracle thing, of course, Tess we need to go,” Joel sighed, “We can find another damn way to get the battery,”

“Fuck you man I didn’t ask for this,” Ellie snapped, and you held held her arm. Joel looked at you again, like he wanted to yell at you for even touching her.

“Go use the bathroom,” You whispered, and she looked at Joel and Tess before walking back. Tess threw a magazine for her.

“There’s not going to be anything bad in there?”

“Just you.” Ellie rolled her eyes at Joel and muttered under her breath. You looked at him and Tess.

“You guys help us through the city, help us get to the Fireflies, and get your shit then be done,” You sighed, and Joel seemed to soften a little bit, “That’s all you have to do,”

“You need to stop looking at this like she’s got some kind of future Y/n,”

“I say she’s right, we get the kid to the Fireflies, get the battery, and go get Tommy,” Tess grabbed Joel’s arm. He looked at her, and looked extremely guilty when he looked back at you.

“You guys will be done with it by the end of today.” You looked at Joel, and half expected him to proclaim his love for you. To say that he wouldn’t let you go again. He didn’t say it though, just nodded.

You all took a little bit longer of a break, and started eating your lunch. Ellie had a chicken sandwich, and offered to share some of it with you. You almost took her up on the offer, but instead told her to keep eating.

“Where did you even get chicken?” Tess asked Ellie, you were relieved she didn’t say it in a total asshole tone.

“Smugglers, apparently that’s what Marlene told me,” Ellie shrugged, and then smirked at them, “Guess not you guys though.”

You tried not to laugh, but couldn’t help the giggle that slipped out. Joel and Tess looked beyond annoyed with you both. Once everyone had eaten enough, you all started packing up again. Ellie kept asking for a gun, and all three of you had to continue to tell her no. When you started to walk again, Ellie had started following close to Tess and talking to her. Leaving you and Joel to walk together in silence. Shockingly he was the first one to break it.

“So, did you ever, well do you have a um,” Joel was awkward about it, but he wanted to know if you had something like he had in Tess. You glanced at him before shaking your head.

“No, there was a brief moment with someone, but really I’ve spent most of my time looking for..” You trailed off, because how could you tell him that instead of moving on like he seemed to have done, you were still holding out hope for him. Joel looked at you, but you kept your eyes forward on Ellie.

“Are you really going to go with her? To try and find this miracle cure?” Joel sighed, “You don’t really believe that it’s something that could work?”

That comment annoyed you, the cynical tone in his voice, “I’ve held out hope for twenty years that I would see you alive again one day, and although the circumstances are different, here you are.”

Joel went silent, and didn’t really talk to you the rest of the time. After discovering the original plan was off limits due to a swarm of infected, the four of you made your way to a museum. Ellie went back to staying close to you, you tried your best to reassure her that things were going to be okay. When you got inside though, you quickly learned they were far from okay. Judging by the body on the floor, there were clickers somewhere inside of there. You were all right of course, and they found you. You got separated from Joel and Ellie when they attacked, and you were with Tess when she got bit. She did it to protect you.

“You don’t owe me anything, I’m sleeping with your ex-fiancé after all, but don’t say anything okay? We are almost to the end, and I just..” Tess was shaking, “I will end it before I turn, but please Y/n?”

You hesitated for a minute before you grabbed her arm, gently, “Why did you save me?”

“Joel could never fully open himself up to me, because his heart still belonged to you,” Tess whispered and grabbed the ring on the chain, “He would never forgive me if I would’ve let you be the one to get bit,”

“Thank you Tess,” You whispered, and the two of you made your way to find Joel and Ellie. Ellie ran up to you once she saw you, and you checked her over to make sure she was okay. There was a bite on her arm.

“Damn, are you fucking kidding me?” Ellie sighed, before she looked around, “Well if it was going to happen to one of us..”

You and Tess exchanged a look.

“You guys okay?” Joel looked at the two of you, and Tess told him she had just hurt her ankle. He looked at you, and you shook your head. Tess just threw her life away for you, she deserved to have his attention. You guys got up to the roof and you walked across the wooden plank.

“Just across there?” Ellie asked, and started walking on the plank after you.

“Yeah I know it’s scary,” Joel said and started to help Tess with her ankle.

“That was scary, this is wood.” Ellie quipped, and you held your hand out to help her off the plank. You both exchanged a grin and walked over to the the edge. Joel came up behind you guys, and stood on the other side of Ellie. He asked Ellie if this was everything she had hoped for, and Ellie shrugged a little.

“You can’t deny that view.” Ellie sighed, then you realized that this was the first time in her life she was seeing the real world. The world on the outside of the QZ.

Tess walked ahead of everybody the rest of the time. You were watching carefully to make sure that she didn’t lose control too soon. Then you guys found the rendezvous point for the Fireflies to take you and Ellie. Except something was wrong, there was no other people. The four of you made your way inside the building, after Tess practically dragged Ellie in there. She was looking around, trying to find any kind of information on what they were doing with Ellie.

“Marlene just said that we have to go West,” Ellie was stumbling over her words, not understanding why Tess was suddenly freaking out. Joel was trying to get Tess to stop, he even yelled at her that it was time to go home.

“That’s not my fucking home!” Tess snapped, and Joel deflated a little, “I’m not going anywhere,”

Ellie gasped a little, “Holy shit, she’s infected..”

Tess explained to Joel that she had been bit. You felt awful for him, and watched him deflate as she explained it to him. Tess told him he had to get you guys to someone named Bill and Frank. She made him promise to get you guys where you needed to be. As she was still trying to convince him; one of the infected Fireflies started to move. Joel shot it, and you all watched anxiously as a tendril wrapped around its hand. The rest of them were coming, Tess started to dump out the gasoline and the grenades. She told Joel to save who he could save. You were ready to run with Ellie. Joel hesitated before he looked at you and grabbed Ellie to start dragging her out. Ellie fought like hell against both of you. The three of you made it out, and down the hill when the explosion happened. You and Joel aimed, waiting for infected to come running out. Once the coast was clear he started walking away. Ellie looked at you, her eyes wide. You had her start walking with you.

Later that night, a little bit outside of Boston, the three of you stopped to rest. Ellie was taking a nap underneath Joel’s jacket, the two of you were sitting in silence while she snored quietly. You sighed and looked at Joel.

“I’m sorry, about Tess,” You whispered and Joel looked at you.

“Did you know, that she was bit?”

You nodded your head slowly, “She asked me to not say anything, she wanted to be the one to tell you, seems like she really loved you,”

“If you were alive and looking for me this whole time, how did we never find one another?” Joel sighed and rubbed his face, “I mean Tommy and I looked for months, we asked anyone we could ask, and all the shit I did.. maybe it..”

He looked at you, and for a minute you saw a glimpse of the man you loved. The two of you watched one another. Neither one knowing what to say, before you sighed.

“I am happy to know you’re alive, but I need you to understand and know that Ellie is my top priority, her safety,” You whispered, “It was her mother’s dying wish, and her mother was important to me Joel,”

He looked at her before he looked back at you, “I’ll get you guys where you need to be.”

When you all got to Bill and Frank’s, they were both gone. They had died together, and left a note behind to not go into the bedroom. Ellie read the note to you guys, and you watched Joel as she did. The entire hike here, the two of them started to talk more. You couldn’t help but notice she was increasingly interested in him. The three of you decided that you needed to take a shower, especially because they had hot water. Joel told you that Frank had some women’s clothing that he rescued from the boutique that used to be in town. He had given some to Tess once. You shuffled through the house, and finally found some.

You got into the shower, and sighed happily as the feeling of hot water hit your skin. Your mind floated back to all the times you took showers at Joel’s house in Texas. That most of the time he would sneak in, and join you. The way the two of you used to just hold each other. Finally in the comfort of the shower, you relaxed enough to let yourself start crying.

First you cried for Sarah, and how desperately you wished you could’ve been there. You could’ve not gone to the convention, it wasn’t mandatory. You could’ve stayed home and maybe things would be different. Joel hadn’t even said what happened to her, you didn’t know. All you knew was that she was gone. The day after she finally called you mom, she was gone.

Then you cried for Anna, and how much Ellie reminded you of her. Six years you spent with her. The two of you wanting to find a way for the world to be a better place. You wondered how damn proud (and cocky) she would be if she knew her daughter might be the key to fix all of this. Even if you hadn’t figured out how it could work, you had to believe that it could. That Anna’s baby girl was going to be a damn superhero.

Finally, you cried for Joel. He wasn’t dead, he was in the same damn house as you. For years you imagined what your reunion would be. You imagined him running to hug you, to hold you in his arms. Except now he felt even further away, he felt like a stranger. There was a distance between the two of you, a kind of cold distance that made you want to throw up. It made you angry because in another life, you two would’ve been getting ready to celebrate twenty-years of marriage. Maybe you two would’ve had another kid. Maybe you would’ve still gotten to know Anna, and Ellie one day.

There was a slight knock at the door that brought you out of your moment. You shut the water off and wiped your eyes. After you wrapped a towel around yourself you opened the door a crack to see Joel standing there, he looked at you for a moment.

“We should probably hit the road soon, and I found some deodorant for us to use.” He held it out for you, and you took it before you closed the door. You stared at the clothes on the counter, and quickly got dressed.

You gathered some of the supplies you had grabbed, and the gun you took. You helped Joel get the truck loaded up, this time it was your turn to be silent. You didn’t trust yourself to say anything without crying. Joel made Ellie promise that she listened to him too, she looked at you for reassurance and you nodded your head. The three of you started on the road. The first few hours

“Hey! Look what I found,” Ellie handed you a tape, “Joel does this make you all nostalgic?”

“It was actually before my time,” Joel nodded as you put the tape in, “Still a classic though.”

After finding a certain male magazine, Ellie was done torturing you both with her fifty million questions. She passed out in the backseat, mouth hanging open. You looked out the window, and watched everything going by in the window. You were going through the Midwest at the moment, in what used to be Indiana. You remembered taking a trip there with your parents when you were younger, to visit the town they went to high school in. Part of you realized that you were happy they passed away when you were eighteen, because then they didn’t have to live through all of this. You absentmindedly started to play with the ring, sliding it back and forth on the chain.

“You kept it all this time huh?” Joel whispered, the last thing he wanted was to wake up Ellie.

“Mhm, wore it on my finger for awhile, then I almost lost it one day so I found a necklace for it instead,” You looked at him, your head leaning back against the seat.

“When we find Tommy, he isn’t going to believe his eyes that you’re alive,” Joel looked at you, “He never gave up hope that you were still out there,”

“But you did?”

Joel stayed quiet, and went back to keeping his eyes on the road. You watched the side of his face, and noticed his jaw clenching. Then your eyes focused on the light scar, you remembered him explaining to Ellie earlier that it was from somebody who shot and missed. He looked older now, but in a sexy silver fox kind of way. The same way you always imagined him to look when you used to picture your lives together. There were a few more scars than you imagined, but they seemed to make him that more attractive.

“You know, your face is still too easy to read, it’s okay that you gave up Joel, you lost a lot,” You whispered, and paid close attention to his face, you looked down at your lap, “Sarah, did she… Was she in-”

“No,” Joel shook his head, “No it wasn’t because she was infected.”

The tone in his voice told you to stop pushing the subject. So you stayed quiet, and watched out of the window again. The obvious coldness and distance from Joel made you uneasy, it made your heart ache even more than it did when you thought he was gone forever. He was right there, you could reach out and touch him right now…. Yet he never felt so far away from you.

next part

TAG LIST: @daddysfavoritesexkitten @stupidthoughtsinwriting @superblyspeedydragon @beeblisss @kate654 @oddityhag @frogjumps-world @iheartdilfs01

if your name is in bold, it wouldn’t tag you for some reason!

[third-doctor]

Shoutout to @thephilosophersapprentice for this gem that runs through my head literally every time that fucker comes up

STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING RASSILON GOD DAMN FOOL GALLIFREYAN MURDERING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT PRESIDENT OF THE WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING RASSILON STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT RASSILON I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE HAVE SO MANY FUCKED UP TIMELINES WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST SET THEM LOOSE IS HE DEAD IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST BEARD GET AWAY FROM ME if i wanted to get into the matrix and god said rassilon's waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down if i have to deal with rassilon appearing one second as extra in show not only will i close the tab i will delete my bookmark out of spite and have to rewatch the entire series again for the experience of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned or alive i dont even know why i hate him so much. he created the time lords but i am just mad because i am angy he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos a fan of unethical science and wanted the irl version ill go ham BETTER have had the web of time make him kill a man cuz if he didnt Im going to make him paypal.com/IFuckingHateRassilon episodes not even about him. vaguely mentioned what is supposed to maybe be his this that or the other and I lost it where the fuck is rassilon if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt crusty old man ill punch rassilon and his sad frail old time lord twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final hand sanitizer bottle he kept on him at all times simply titled the sanitizer of rassilon in ancient yiddish im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point. i hope theres a date given for when rassilon died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phone everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who had so many fucked up if true timelines.

[chaoticornot]

Chaotic rambles 9-1-1

s08e01 I am so excited to start season 8, yayy, finally. It's the 24th of October by the way, haha. The song and scene combining the plane emergency and beenado is so smart. That is nightmarish. Look at that clench, he is pissed. He looks so good btw. You will hear that a couple of times from me. And the mustache!! Can I just say that I didn't love it, initially but it's growing on me. But it's not allowed to stay the entire season. A work in progress, excuse me. Did Ravi just dip?? That's hilarious. He is pissed. Eddie is just zoning out, not present, the smirk, he is used to this. He is so tall, omg. I love how they communicate with their eyes. I would be pissed. I hope he dies in that emergency. Look at that big beefy man. Eddie knows him, I love them. They are so family here. I love when they talk shit. Hotshots, haha. His accent. Poor Bobby, I don't know if this is his dream or worst nightmare. Do not open that door. Drive, bitch, drive. Does Maddie have a nose piercing? I love Wikipedia Buck. And sarcastic Chim. Go, Josh. Oh shit. Mysonginist shit. Says you. Don't be rude to dispatch. Buckley siblings to the win. Fistbump, love that. This reminds me of the ambulance in episode 1 season 2. Domestic little shits. Beenado, shut up. Nerds, I love them. I love me a bridezilla Eddie, with supportive Buck. This is the first time, I have seen Tommy genuinely laugh, I didn't know he could do that. (that was dramatic and a lie, but the point stands). Look at that bicep, insane, that thing is bigger than my head. That was actually a good line, for once. Is it Chris's birthday, I cannot believe it's been 3 months, that is insane. Is it still summer vacation? He is so lame. This is just sad, not from Eddie I get it, but ugh. Plus, can I say that I don't trust this. There is no way it's been this long and Chris has not spoken more than 3 words to Eddie. That is so unrealistic, coming from an ex-angry 13-year-old. I think he is being fed lies. There is no way he is also not talking to Buck. I hate Helena Diaz. It looks great. That is a lot of bees. Oh no. Party ruined. That is a smart move. Or not. The way he picked Eddie, haha. The way Eddie looked behind him, I love that idiot. I love them, his smirk, the spraying after him, tears. The face cam, death. Duck tape, omg. If it works, it works. His thumb ups, lol. His hair, he looks so good. They all do. Not the bee puns. This entire shit was comedy gold. I don't trust this, because he was willing to manipulate. She didn't have a choice, did she? I don't believe him. She doesn't either, thank god. I love her. Is it that easy to take a firearm on a plane in the US? Is he posturing? Chim is like, I knew he couldn't hold it in. Eddies cut it out sign, I love them. He is pissed. Oh, he is zoning out. That was a coincidence, lucky fucker. Oh, here we go. I fucking loved this episode, except for Helena Diaz. They are all so biteable and cutie patootie. Like, Chim's comments during this episode set me off. Incredible.

[weirdcat1213]

fuck

here we go

vol 10 thoughts

chap 1:

-IMIMIMIM NOT READY FOR THISSSS

-nooo dont make me read it, im too broken already

-NOOOO SHUT UPPPPPP

-delusion oh dear geesus

-DONT ASK THAT WHY WOULD ASK THAT :C

-stfu wolfwood please, ik you love him and admire him but stfu pls

-huh

-oh right....this is how...yeap

-please leave wolfwood just fucking leave

-although yeah thats interesting, im not sure if he thought vash or someone would come for him but yeah, if he actually thought that was the end he would have taken the vials...hmmm

-or maybe not. maybe he was ready to defend the orphanage and be done with it

-ouch

chap 2:

-HE TOOK NO DISCIPLE THAT WAS KIDNAPPING BASICALLY FUCK YOU

-livio ill say this with love....rn i do not fucking care about your self worth/attachment issues. he can go to hell, he and his stupid fucking gun

-OH NO THE CHILDREN

-LMAO HER PLAN WAS GOOD AND THE CHILDREN WERE LIKE "YEAH NO"

-go to FUCKING HELL CHAPEL SHUT UUUUP

-SHUT UP YOU KNOW HES SENSITIVE ABOUT THAAAAAT

-FUCKER

-well this is fucked this is so fucked (may i remind the people this is my 2nd reading)

-ah yey, the tears are here

-"we could have done this as a team" then WHY DID YOU LEAVE YOU FUCKING DUMBASS. NOW YOURE IN THIS FUCKING PAINFUL AND STUPID POSITION. YOU KNOW WHATS SHES FUCKING RIGHT, YOU NEVER LISTENED TO HER NOR VASH AND WENT TO DO SHIT ON YOUR OWN, AND NOW YOURE HERE. YOU AND YOUR FUCKING NEED OF DOING EVERYTHING ALONE CUZ THATS WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING FOR YEARS. YOU CARRIED YOUR LONELINESS FOR YEARS, BUT YOU ARE ABOUT TO REALIZE YOU WERE NEVER ALONE, BUT ITS TOO LATE NOW ISNT IT??? YOU PRECIOUS STUPID DUMBASSS

-this is literally where the fun ends (kinda)

-OH THANK GOD YOURE FUCKING HERE FINALLY

-oh this is when i start to cry like a baby oh geesus

chap 3:

-WHY DO YOU THINK HE CAME YOU DUMBASSSSSSSSSSSSS (ily)

-wolfwood i fucking swear-

-razlo can you not, youre scaring the children, the readers and me

-also the ultimate pacifist vs the ultimate "what if i make a hole in your head for funsies"

-silly me thought the 1st time"oh vash is here so literally nothing can happen"....ja

-yeap, theres also that

-if the book club survives this i would love to buy everyone virtual drinks actually. the people who dont drink can have a nice lemonade

-SPIN THAT FUCKER WOLFWOOD :D

-NOT THEM NOT TRUSTING HIS ANGEL ARM PLSSSS

-"im a friend of nicholas" i may throw up out of sadness

-oh thats cruel for you? really?

-good fucking riddance old man

-razlo stop i dont want to sympathize with you rn

-VASH QUICK DO SOMETHING-

-THE ULTIMATE FIGHTING COUPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

-"they switched to fighting as a team" im gonna eat glass

-i love how this chapter ends. thanks for the goofy moment before you pluck my heart out in front of my eyes, nightow

-also if you dont see how thats the face of someone trying to confess something really important but failing idk what to tell you

chap 4:

-"death omen" SHUT UP NIGHTOW

-YOU FUCKING DUMBASS

-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :c

-[side note but if orange animates this is gonna hurt like HELL cuz they have highlighted a lot wolfwood's thing with survival so...yeah]

-STOP MAKING YOUR HUSBAND SAAAAAAAAD

-oh...oh no

-HE SAID THE THING HE SAID THE THING NOW SHUT IT

-THE FUCKING. FUCKING. TOUCH

-OW

-those fucking eyes damn hes pissed

-OW RIGHT, HIS NOSE...AH

-oh..oh honey no pls dont leave pls dont leave him alone ik you understand whats gonna happen but please dont please come back-

-oh that blank panel, oh geesus

-YA BRATTTTT

-FUCK OFF RAZLO AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

chap 5:

-i dont get much about this fight ngl

-razlo's eye is so cool but also FUCK OFFFFFFF

-FASTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER

-OHOHOHOH YEAH LETS GO LETS HIT IT

-DAMN

-PUNCH IN THE FACE BITCH

chap 6:

-not the...not the fucking parallel with vash and razlo....nightow why

-HAHGSYU NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE BLOOD

-wait what-

-VASH TO THE RESCUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

-nononononononNONONONONO NO

-right right, i fell for it again

-THATS IT WE WIN- AH NO SHIT FUCK

-i told you he was a cunt razlo

-oh shit thats, thats beautiful

-i dont mean this as a negative thing against nightow/the story...BUT DID LIVIO'S FUCKING IDEA HAD TO BE THIS FUCKING LATE????? YOU ARE FUCKING WITH ME

-yey...hes back

chap 7

-for the love of geesus pls dont make me read this

-this is more from a personal standpoint but it makes me so fucking sad he felt guilty at the idea of going back to the orphanage cuz no matter what that was always his home, a place he could have come back to. not everyone has one of those. but alas, now its too late

-.....no. he doesnt care that you are a killer or that you have one of the coins, that you were gonna betray him anytime. he doesnt care wolfwood so fucking stop trying to be the villain here.

-ik fucking know why wolfwood doesnt wanna go....but fucking damn it

-this chapter is so quiet. the 1st time i was listening to mr bluesky but the chapter's lack of music just fits.

-maybe YOU are alright but im not. ill never be alright with this

-when i get my own place im not buying a couch and thats a promise

-"smile needle noggin" [crying pause]

-IF I DONT TURN THE PAGE I DONT HAVE TO SEE IT IF I DONT TURN THE PAGE I DONT HAVE TO SEE IT IF I DONT TURN THE PAGE I DONT HAVE TO SEE IT IF I DONT TURN THE PAGE I DONT HAVE TO SEE IT IF I DONT TURN THE PAGE I DONT HAVE TO SEE IT

-god literally has never made vash any favors ever and the ONE TIME he needed someone bigger than everything else...nothing happened

-"and we can celebrate" WHY DID NIGHTOW PAINTED HIS FUCKING DEATH LIKE A CELEBRATION??? YES, HE GETS HIS FREEDOM BACK, HE GETS TO GO HOME, TO SEE HIS FAMILY, TO SHARE A DRINK WITH HIS SOULMATE BUT I CANT STAND IT I CANT

-ofc you did, wolfwood has never been good at lying

-and there it is, til death do them part as they say idk

-...............................................................................................................

chap 8

-im gonna eat my hand, glass, my computer, my house, the world-

-so...do we think that grave was just laying around or...

-DONT YOU FUCKING ASK THAT (IKIKIKIK BUT STILL, LIKE LOOK AT VASH'S EYES HE GETS IT)

-CALL ME STUPID BUT I GENUIENLY FORGOT ABOUT THE HAIR

-literally "stay away from him asshole"

-imagine knowing for a fact you broke something really important inside your brother and laughing about it

-baby oh my baby your hair, your little and stupid blond hair

-orange you have hinted at this so many times and let me tell you one thing, if you do it it has to hurt in the best way possible because this scene deserves nothing but the best

-i respect and wonder how nightow is so good at comic relief. its still a sad scene, everything fucking hurts, the reader will never be the same again...but he can put bits and pieces of comedy that make you chuckle or at least smile to then continue to hit you with a bat

-NOT THE JESUS ALLEGORY CARRYING A FUCKING CROSS, go to hell nightow

-and thats his cross?....to survive?????? im dead

-oh so he doesnt take it? ngl after this my first reading turned into a blur, god knows what i was thinking

im..........yeah. i fucking hated that, as i thought i would

[hel-phoenyx]

26) Doctor's visit/Sad eyes

I am a lot of things.

I am head of the Frosilaen dynasty.

I am Queen of the Divine Mandate.

I am the one that held her grounds against a Worm.

I am the woman that fought against a god trying to incarnate.

I am the cultist that lost faith and gave back a world to people I once hated.

I am the one who almost reached the end of the Tournament of Glory while being old and weakened.

I am the one that looked God in the eyes and told Them to fuck off.

I am Lina Frosilaen.

People call me the Feline Queen, the Last Fortress, the Striker. All of those are true. I am a cat, I held my grounds, and I always, always, strike first.

But today, I am only a woman lying down in a bed, some kind of nursery bed, while a man in a white blouse is turning around me like a nervous cat. That man is the head doctor of the Mandatian palace. He is also my husband, and the father of my children.

And boy is he pissed.

"What the hell were you thinking, Lina ?! Running away without anyone knowing to none other place than the fucking Tournament for Glory ? You could have been killed !"

I roll my eyes. It's always like this. It's been like this since I was thirteen. Today, I am older than eighty. Not dying anytime soon, even if I do admit my body is failing me. My last adversary, I could have gotten him. Or not. He's evenly matched. Who knows.

It's been like this since I met him, but it still annoys me.

"Calm your tits, Baku, I was not here without supervision, Selene was here and she could have patched me up in a minute. Well, using a lot of my life force, no doubt, but people die at one point or another."

Except him, as young as he was when I gifted him that dagger. As young as he was when he put the wedding ring on my fingers. I look like I'm forty, maybe fifty now ; he's as immaculate as the first day.

People born recently joke on our apparent age difference. It's true, we do look like we have decades between us. The truth is, however, than even though I am the oldest, he follows me three years behind.

His pained look stays the same.

"Lina, I do not want to see your life end prematurely, nor do I wanna see your lifeless body again. If Chiara wasn't here that day..."

He's right. Thymos killed me. Chiara used her powers to bring me back. That I remember.

He doesn't remember she died in my place. That Death brought her back to help through the Beyond, and They cristallized their ressurection to reward me for not dying, and reaching Her.

There's not a lot of people that remember death.

I sigh.

"Baku, com'on, do you really believe one of this fuckers would manage to harm me ?"

"Well, SOMEONE did."

"And he left me alive when I forfeited. I didn't wanna reach the end, anyway. I already got my destiny."

The Tournament of Glory, for many youngsters, is the place where everyone can try and reach a glorious destiny between the hands of War herself. For me, it's just a way to see if I am still the hero they all pray for. I already got my glorious destiny. Plus, don't wanna fight my daughter-in-law. That's for the younglings that haven't lived a lot.

Baku is patching me up. We're alone in this tent and I want to do a little joke about other ways to patch me up ; not that he would care, and it proves I am in good health despite the wounds. But his eyes look so sad, so pained, I can't do that.

So I let him bandage my wounds in silence.

A silence he ends up breaking, after a long while.

"You used your Berserker form."

Oh.

So that's the cause of his anguish.

"Well, needed to put up a good fight."

"You know how I feel about pushing your Domain to the extreme."

I know. Baku thinks those powers are too much for my body. Maybe they are, since until a not so recent date, using that form always brought me to coma. But I know how to control them now. That was both an effort from my part, and a present from Them.

I remember when I was about twenty-five. The look in the eyes of the one that would become my most trusted advisor, one of my best friends, when I transformed for the first time in front of him. My magic has always been there, it sounded so natural, so normal ; apparently it wasn't.

Apparently it's an heritage from my father. A peculiar form of the Infinite Domain that lets me assume the form of every species I could have been. Limited to non-intelligent ones, because I am no changeling.

Mairù says it's a combo between the Infinite Domain from the old fucker, my Traveller blood and the human part I got from the woman that would have been my mother.

The Berserker is a problem because it is not a species per se. It's a vision of what I would have been if I was, myself, devoid of everything but pure, animal fighting instinct. That's why my body can't bear it, according to Crow. Because it is supposed to be outside my limits.

I don't care about all those magical chit-chat. I am me, I am my powers, I am my physical strenght and speed, I am my love for my spouses and children. I am Lina Frosilaen.

Baku and I only see the harm that form brings me.

"I know."

"Then why did you use it ?"

"Because it may come a day when I will be forced to do so. I need to train so that day, it won't cause me any harm."

He smiles. His eyes are still sad.

"You've done enough for this world, Lina."

"Never enough for you."

My wedding ring is bruning around my thumb.

His wedding ring. From a world where I wasn't enough.

Something is caressing my cheek. Wet, a little rough, the hands of a doctor. Yet, so soft, so warm.

"You've done all I ever wanted by just existing."

Sadness still glimmers in his iced blue eyes, and yet I see behind the light of pure, unalterable love. Those eyes that made me fall for the teen he was despite our fights and his black magic problems, the eyes that never, ever, ever, looked upon me and saw a stranger.

He's here.

It's all I've ever wanted, too.