#sad hours ok. im very emotional

[starfilledsky2810]

damn I yap a lot

tldr; im alive, sadly im still on hiatus, other stuff is fine now I just have new [physical] problems, you'll know when I'm fully back (give it another couple months) and comfortable, I'm in a [technically well-over] 3-month long ongoing depressive episode [not tryna do trauma olympics or make anyone feel bad btw it's all chill]

so sorry if I've left you hanging [with art or smth], I'll get to it in time, I promise [I may have unwillingly forgotten, likely not but there's a chance]

Hey, I'm alive, I have been for the.. almost 6 months I've been gone. Holy shit, I didn't even realise that it's been that long. I figured I should at least say something in case anyone is worried or wondering even though everything isn't solved yet, so, here. [under the read more so it's not flooding or anything]

Also, I figure I should apologise for venting on main and just leaving it up - this is all going to stay up because I need to keep it somewhere to aid with my memory issues - but, still, must've been a little weird

Absolutely not a good time to say all this [for me bc I haven't thought this message through] but I'm kinda half-back, just on hiatus from socials due to declining physical health. Really badly declining, I need help honestly

Originally, as you know, I was gone because I had a really bad fall out with my mother, but things pertaining to that have been solved now [except me not feeling 100% safe and trusting to my mother, that will never change. She's tried hard, I just wish I could find her reliable emotionally as well]. It's just that, since then, basically, all these physical problems that I don't understand have been royally fucking me up and messing with my mental too. It's messed with everything I love. I don't know what to do anymore.

Oh wait, where I was actually going with this, so

OK nvm I forgot but you'll see me around bc I've been talking to certain people trying to pretend like nothing's happened and I've made the kinda-silly decision to not fully come off hiatus or talk to other certain people before I'm okay again.

[confetti-critter]

Reprimanded at work in the gentlest way possible incident 600 dead 17000 injured

[correctproseka]

An essay on autistic Mafuyu

Coming from a very autistic person.

Mafuyu has a bunch of autism symptoms, but a lot of them can also be explained by other reasons, such as her upbring and trauma, but not all of them, so I'm going to start speaking about the explainable by other things traits and move up to "boy you're tism". (Notw that the trauma explanation can also have a pre-disposition to happen due to tism)

In the biggest "can be explained by her trauma" category, we actually have the biggest reason people headcanon her as autistic. Her Alexithymia. Which is just a fancy word for "can't recognize her own feelings". No i did not have to copy paste that name to not write it wrong. Yes, many autistic people are bad at recognizing their own feelings, me included. But we also have to note that Mafuyu absolutely hid away those feelings for a mask and because they were needs not being met, a "good girl" like her doesnt get sad or angry right? Thats what made her push down those feelings so much she just ended up.. numb. Its extremely common in depression as well as autism which made me personally not realize i was depressed until someone made me put it into words, it was similar to my normal.

Theres also her.. exquisite vocabulary, Mafuyu uses lots of fancy terms sometimes, which is very stereotypical white boy autism. But also, she was pushed books down her throat by her mom since she was a child, she was expected to be this "fancy" and "smart-sounding". So she is.

Observant. Mafuyu doesn't talk a lot, she observes. She can recognize things on others sometimes, but mostly about the environment, which can be an autism noticing a bird singing 5 blocks away or a trauma "i need to notice this or i get fucked" reaction.

Mafuyu as mentioned, tends to listen more than speak, I am personally not this kind of autism, but it exists, Mafuyu is quiet, listening and only speaking when she feels her input is needed. This can be simply a mixture of autism and trauma. She doesn't feel the need to speak, so she doesn't, why would she waste her energy like that? Smh.. but also her good girl mask is supposed to be a good listener, not much of a yapper.

Now we are starting to move onto the things she does that are less explained by trauma and more explained by tism. Which is my favorite part to analyze.

Parallel play: Mafuyu seeks comfort with being with niigo and working alongside them, she doesn't even need to be talking, as seen by the kitty event where she kept just listening to them on earphones, she just wants to be near her people and gets calmed down by being with them.

Bluntness. As an autistic person i am extremely blunt in wrong situations, and can easily not recognize its the wrong situation. Per example Mafuyu's "why dont you imagine you're gonna get killed if you dont do it in half an hour" or all the times she points something out to Ena and gets a scream back because it was the wrong time? Mafuyu says what she thinks and when out of the mask she really. Really. Lacks a filter, because she doesn't know when or what she's supposed to speak or not

She.. kind of needs people to say the obvious? Sometimes she doesnt realize whats going on, why she's reacting in a way, so and so. One of the reasons Mizuki had to tell her it's ok to run away. Mafuyu never considered it. It wasn't obvious for her like it would be for a lot of people, she's kind of very oblivious in emotional matters like that, and needs someone (coughs usually Mizuki) to explain something to her

There's probably more but im doing this in like 15 minutes.

Plus, all in all, she makes autistic people like me really relate to her, even if they can be mostly explained by trauma doesnt mean she doesn't show those signs or that they're only because of that, even the mask she uses is a known neurodivergent thing.

[fiyrball6063]

Im still getting into gg but i love roboky 😁 tell me whats on ur mind roboky/robovenom wise ... or anything gg idk .. this is ur infodump pass

Ok this is so much longer than I thought it was gonna be. So. Peep the horrors if u dare

I GET THE INFODUMP PASS YAYYYYY (thank you) I’m… okay where do I even beginnn like… hmmm… I was recently was rewatching the bedman fight and I think it’s cute it looks like he’s overclocking and then turning into just a head reminds me of his victory emote from XX and it just made me smile idk how I didn’t process that on my first first watch… also GOD his animations are so. So cool. I personally much prefer the typical 2D animations and art than 3D renders for GG and I think Roboky is one of those character I will always just ADMIRE… his shapes are just so satisfying to me. I do love his 3D model in Xrd idk wtf typa battery acid he’s on but Jesus Christ he looks so good… it gives me hope that when he gets added to strive he will look even better ! BUT LIKE YEAH idk he has so many unique animations (thatre all archived and SO fun to gawk at) and i think he’s also just a character that is so fun to build upon in your own way (IE thinking of robot things he does)… he’s also just annoying as hell and i love it. OH ALSO I love his robotic voice in XX it’s so cute. Kinda sad they got rid of that tone in XRD but honestly I do really like both and I’m excited to see how it evolves later on….

As for Robovenom. Lord. Don’t even. Everyone look away… the way roboky and venom parallel eachother has genuinly caused me to just stare at my ceiling for hours. I have a playlist of songs that make me think of them and it’s just… IDK they have so much potential STILL expecially with the new chapter of life they’ve both found themselves entangled within… we have a human who has had the mindset and self deprivation to the extent he’s existing to fulfil orders and take nothing of his own desire into note and is existing day by day in his own unhappiness because that’s what he’s used to he doesn’t even think he deserves happiness. then we have a robot who has a very assertive personality and although may be harsh he prides his appearance and values dreams and what the future CAN hold and deep down. Does like what humanity provides… goddd. They both have that hidden soft spot, they were both built as killing machines, what more can ya ask for. It’s strange how… soft (?) he seems towards venom in XRD but idk idk rips my skin off I think they see themselves in the other even if not realizing it at first. They’re like two sides of a coin. And it’s crazy roboky didn’t know venom was literally going to kill himself in the bedman fight until venom just states it outright. MANN venom ily so much god I’m (trying) keeping this roboky centric and I’ve already rambled so long my phones lagging when typing but… man… roboky and venom learning to live together is so nice. They’re both the first people to show eachother decency? Kindness? Understanding??? Humanity???? I don’t even know it’s some Secret third thing… Jesus this is long but. You best believe I could go on for so much longer just about robovenom

[animentality]

obsessed with an old video game called one hour one life, in which you live the entire life of a human being, who ages a year every minute, in the course of an hour.

you're born to other players. you start as a baby that has to be taken care of until you grow up. then you have to work with them to build a community, creating tools and settlements and farms. then you get older and older, watching your hard work pay off as your community grows, and you have children.

you teach them how to do the things you do. let them reap the benefits of your hard labor, and the labor of your community.

and then you die.

and then you're reborn again, if you choose to play again.

and it's really quite fascinating, because...im ngl. i'm a little emotional right now because i just watched CallMeKevin's video on One Hour One Life, and...

He had this mom, who taught him how to play the game. Was very patient and kind-hearted, took care of him and gave him supplies and helped him explore, answered all his questions, showed him where everything was, and how the world worked. Then, when he was grown up, she said I'm going to die soon...so goodbye.

And then she died.

And he was actually sad, because he really grew to like this person, like they were actually his mom.

And it was really cool, because she did come back in the form of a baby. She walked up to him and is like hey I was your mom, baby.

And then she watched him die.

And it was like....I dunno.

Sad, hopeful, sweet?

Just the idea of, your mom took care of you since you were born, she was with you until she died, and then she was still there for you, when you died.

And it got me thinking about humanity and human life in general, how that's really how a society works.

You're born. You're raised. Taken care of. Then, you grow. You're taught what you need to know. You build. You work. You connect. You dedicate time and effort to your crafts and your civilization, so that your children and their children will reap the benefits. and when you die, you just hope you taught your kids everything they needed to know.

you gave them all the tools for success too, literally in this case, since all equipment and settlements stay.

and you hope they can continue on without you...that is, until you respawn.

but there's something hopeful in that mechanic too.

this idea of maybe none of us are new to this earth. maybe we keep coming back, in some form or other. maybe no one ever truly disappears, and as long as we continue on, in service of one another, then things will be ok, and we'll meet old friends and family that we thought we lost.

anyway, i'm being silly, but.

i am fascinated by video games.

they really can be something thought provoking and profound...and also funny.

because that video is fucking funny too.

i love callmekevin.

[favorite-lie]

goddamn i hate my emotions i cant get over a game. im genuinely so sad

like, with Lunacid. I really like Lunacid. it means a lot to me now, and it's a very cool game in general

i started playing it before it was released, and i waited for the full release. i wanted to play it so badly. for the whole week after release. i really really wanted to. and, well. i was sent to a mental hospital like a week prior to the release and stayed there for 3 DAMN WEEKS. it's like, yeah, it is fine. i guess. i played it afterwards but im still so sad over that for some fucking reason

and besides that i also lost my 2 very important savefiles, which represented my lunacid characters and im just. i dunno. i feel it's very dumb it's just a silly lil game everythings ok but. its not even about all the hours of grind ive lost, its about the memories connected to the saves. and the fact that they were supposed to represent a character. ive had so much fun being absolutely scared and barely surviving YET still with zero deaths as anxy. ive had so much fun go out of bounds and do insane shit and zoom through locations stacking up quick stride and collecting hundrends and hundreds of items and leveling up to 250+ and getting to 4th place in the leaderboard as snail!!!. i had so much fun seeing all the lil bugs, like snail!!!'s quick item bar breaking if an active item reaches 99 or being able to fall below hollow basin. i know it doesn't matter, i still have a lot of recordings, uploaded videos, even the characters are still with me and i know and remember how to do everything and i can just edit the savefiles and turn all the numbers back and it's literally JUST A GAME ITS NOT THAT FUCKING BAD yet for some reason there was something important for me that i lost and i cant even tell why. dang it

[heartsoji]

BOKUTO X READER

tw: death of a dog // angst-ish w/ comfort

"cheer up!"

"you're so strong for not crying! keep it up!"

"it's ok! they're in a better place. you should just be happy for them!"

"just don't think about it!"

those phrases, with some type of wording variation, were words you had heard a little too frequently lately.

3 days ago, your beloved dog had ascended to the clouds, and you had been a wreck internally since.

various people had said some sort of alteration of the above four phrases at least a few dozen times. and while you knew that they were simply trying to offer their comfort without malicious intent, their comments would either aggravate you or further add to your desolation.

you understood that it was scary. it would be scary seeing someone who you'd built up in your mind to be a sweet, bubbly, cheerful person breaking down and breaking character. it would be scary seeing them cease to be the person you once knew and loved. you wouldn't know who they were anymore and you were now desperately trying to keep them in character to preserve the bubbly image of the person in your mind.

you knew that you had to move on. you were a mess inside and you could feel your sadness continue to grow exponentially each and everyday.

however, no one would ever know you were such an internal wreck just by looking at you. you were trying so hard and doing a very good job at keeping up a good front. smile at your peers and teachers. keep your appearance tidy. go out with friends after school.

you, too, were trying to preserve the bubbly image of yourself in your mind.

"good morning, sensei!"

"good morning, l/n."

"yui-chan! good morning!"

"y/n-chan! morning! energetic as usual!"

"ah, bokuto-san! morning!"

"morning! how are you?"

you paused for a tiny fraction of a second. you felt your features trying to twist into a pained expression. you wanted to say, "not well, actually. i've been a wreck since, as the whole school knows for whatever reason, my dog passed recently." you wanted to cry. you wanted to go home. you wanted to scream. you wanted for your best friend to come back.

but you refused to let any of your thoughts show. pushing past it with a perhaps overly wide and possibly fake-looking smile, you replied, "great! i got a lot of sleep last night. how about you?"

bokuto, too, paused for a second. but not because he had to think about how he was doing, but because he saw the perhaps millisecond of hesitation. because he saw the slight crack in your cheerful facade. because he saw the way you tried to cover it up with an extra burst of cheer. because he saw it. because he saw you.

he chose not to comment on it, but made a mental note of it. "really good! i studied real hard last night, and i'm sure im gonna pass the math test today!"

"that's great!" you replied. "good luck!" and with that, you moved on with your day.

later, when you went outside, you realized that it was raining, and that you'd have to walk home in the pouring rain. you really didn't feel like getting wet today, so you chose to wait it out. the forecast said that it would take a mere 45 minutes, anyways.

two hours later, and you were still scrolling on your phone, waiting for the heavy rain to pass.

you sighed and set down your phone, bored. you had heard before that rain symbolized rebirth. perhaps right now, your beloved pup was getting reborn into a different body. you wondered if they were getting treated well in a nice home. if they had a warm bed and healthy meals. if they were doing well without you.

suddenly, you felt the drip-drip-dripping of not the rain from the sky on your legs, but the rain from your eyes instead. you had been so bottled up lately, and you could suddenly feel the cap pop off and all the emotion rushing out. you had been trying so hard to make it seem like everything was ok, when it reality, it wasn't. your best friend suddenly wasn't here anymore, and you felt more alone than ever. you had spent so much time and effort trying to be happy, but it wasn't working in the slightest, and you felt awful and incompetent for it. sobs wracked your body as you cried and grieved for your lost best friend. however, even in these moments, where you were obviously breaking down and having a much-needed cry, you were thinking to yourself, "why are you crying? keep up a smile! this is no time to be wallowing in pity. smile. smile. smile."

suddenly, you felt a gentle hand on your back. you turned around to see bokuto, setting his stuff down and coming to sit next to you.

"b-bokuto-san? oh my gosh, i'm so sorry. uhm, i actually, uh, stubbed my toe and it really hurt, so that's why i'm crying. gosh, i probably look like such a mess." you blabbered lamely.

"you know," he started, "if there's something bothering you, you can feel free to let me know. i'm a pretty good listener!"

you wiped your face quickly. "oh, don't worry. seriously, there's nothing wrong."

bokuto paused for a moment. "sorry if this is invading your privacy, but, well, i heard your dog died recently."

you're not quite sure why that was what set you off, but it did. like an old dam breaking down, a flood was released from your eyes as you let out loud, somewhat embarrassing sobs.

bokuto calmly rubbed your back with his large hand. "wanna talk about it?" he asked in a sort of soothing tone.

you weren't usually the type to complain or dramatize your situation in fear of burdening others with your problems. you had developed the habit of bottling up in order to not do so, and you thought that you'd been doing a good job at suppressing your emotions and pretending like everything's fine when it isn't. however, something about bokuto, whether it be the way he asked, his voice, the situation, whatever, tore down the walls you had built over the years. suddenly, you found yourself venting and bawling like a baby to a classmate you had never had a real conversation with. it was a bit embarrassing, humiliatingly vulnerable, but apparently much needed.

"and, well," you said in between your sobs, "everyone's been telling me to just be happy! and to not think about it! but sometimes, i don't know, i just really, really, really, want to cry and scream like a baby. i'm so tired of being the cheerful yet mature, infallible, reliable, therapist character! i just sometimes wish that i could lean on somebody, even if only for a few moments, even though that's also my worst nightmare. i hate that i don't even understand what im feeling! i hate it! i hate it!" you cried into him.

bokuto let you cry silently for a minute before starting with, "sometimes, i get into moods when im playing volleyball where i'm grumpy, annoyed, and frankly, useless." he chuckled a little before continuing, "my teammates call it 'bokuto's emo mode.'" his facial expression saddens a bit before saying, "they always tell me to snap out of it and to cheer up, but i don't think that they understand that sometimes, i just want to be sad."

you felt your heart pang a little. honestly, you couldn’t believe that a guy whom you’d never exchanged more than a brief set of hellos with seemed to understand your feelings better than your lifelong friends. “i just want to be sad,” huh? that indeed did feel accurate. you wanted to cry and sob for nights without end, but had never allowed yourself to before. it felt too vulnerable and dramatic to cry and feel sad about it.

you thought for a moment. “yeah,” you replied simply, not because you didn’t know what to say, or you didn’t agree, but actually, because you agreed entirely. bottling things up had always made things worse, whereas crying to bokuto felt therapeutic and relaxing. “honestly, this whole talk thing’s making me feel a lot better.

“im glad.” bokuto smiled warmly. “ill always be here if you ever need to talk again.”

and he kept that promise to be there, but not just for talking. he continued to be there for your highest and lowest moments, for your anger and resentment, for your sadness and angst, for your fear and disgust, for your bliss and joy.

he’d be there for your ongoing battle with depression, for your growth in talking about your problems instead of bottling it up, and for your 3am cravings.

he’d also be there for the first time you’d accepted a confession, which, coincidentally, happened to be from a guy named bokuto.

[jalinaalkenza]

How about the next part of I wanna hold you? Or just anything that would break our hearts. I'm feeling like a good cry is needed.

I'VE BEEN THINKING OF SOMETHING!!! IM GONNA MAKE A PART 2 OF "I WANNA HOLD YOU" BUT I WANNA MAKE A REAL HURTFUL AND SAD ONE.

SACRIFICE...(What if-)

Natasha Romanoff × Fem! Reader

Warning: Angst, sad, no happy ending, sacrifice, crying, break up, mental health mentioned?

Summary: Everything is too late.

(Set on -The Avengers Endgame- Year:2023)

After Natasha Romanoff sacrificed her self for the soul stone, Clint came back all alone. Y/N was there to check the Avengers for any updates.

-----FLASHBACK (BEFORE THE CHAOS)-----

You and Natasha have been dating secretly since The Avengers 2012. And no one ever knew about that since she's very sneaky and good at hiding things, and so are you.

It's hard for both of you. Cause it's not very stable and it's dangerous, she loves you and you love her. You tried to convince her that she's not a monster or any kind of a weapon and she believes you. You two shared many nights and days with each other without anyone knowing. Comforting each other and loving. but as always- Tragic and unexpected things do happened. The Avengers was doing great until-

The Winter Soldier came. Two groups were divided, team cap and team ironman. Natasha assured you that everything will be ok and the team will be ok, nothing to worry about. But she was worry cause she doesn't have a choice but to fight in the civil war. She hated it. She knows that Tony was wrong but doesn't have a choice, because of a stupid contract. You were on top of the tower watching the Avengers go against each other on the monitor. You heated it too cause it's all wrong.

After many hours pass by, you saw that The team ironman is getting inside of the jet now. And you also saw that Natasha blast Steve before going inside the jet, practically saving him and betraying Tony.

They got into the tower and when Natasha came back she straightly went to you. Hugging you and telling you everything and you helped her with her bruises and wounds, after she went to Tony's office.

They talked and basically they fought, Tony knew the betrayal that Nat did. He knew about you and the relationship between you two, she was guilty and she wants you to be safe and protected.

After that she was looking down and she faced you. Wanting to break things apart because she's scared of putting you in danger. You fought with her and cried Infront of her, she's just looking at you straight in the face with no emotions. She hated it and she just wants to hold you.

"We can go through this Natasha! We've been through a lot..." You said, crying. Your voice breaking. "Y/N- we can't. It's not safe, I love you but it's not possible for us anymore." She said and left you there all alone. You cried and cried- sleepless night, overthinking. Your angry at her. You love her.

Next day you found out that she's on a run, she left the tower and Tony was un bother, still angry and pissed at Natasha. She's gone and you were all alone.

It's all over the news that she and Steve are on the run, they're not together though. She's also alone. No where to go- that's what you thought.

Days, Weeks, Months and she came back with a blonde hair. She ignored you and focused on her mission like a heartless woman, but she seems happy. And you decided to ignore her too. It's hard because after many years together it just ended like that, you love her. She's a part of you.

Natasha's POV:

I love her. Still. Every minutes, seconds without her is a pain in my heart. I left because of the guilt inside me, I was all alone thinking about her and only her. Until I was faced into a mission, meeting Yelena, Alexei and Melina. We were all reunited all over again. But still I want Y/N besides me. We finished the mission freeing the other Widows from Dreykov. I didn't wanna go back to the avengers tower ever again but I want to see Y/N and maybe fight just to protect her. I didn't care about the world at some point, I want to protect my sister, my family, my y/n.

-----PRESENT DAY-----

Y/N's POV:

Natasha did sacrificed her self, Clint explained and Y/N was there, she was shocked. Even though many years and months past by and Natasha kept on ignoring her, she still love her. She left the room and cried at the bathroom, punching the mirror and breaking down on the floor. She cried and now she's not in her normal State anymore. Nothing is left for her, No parents. No siblings. No Natasha. And because of that she's done.

While everyone was gone she hacked the avengers lounge, the machine was there and not even thinking she started it and it worked, she spawned her self and she transported to the place of the darkness, Vormir.

She was on top of the edge where Nat fell and behind her was Red Skull, she begged that she would sacrifice her life in order for the soul stone and Natasha to comeback, intrigued Red skull saw her innocence and love, her innocence and love is worth the sacrifice for both. And it's a deal then.

She jumped of the edge and Nat woke up in an unknown place. The avengers then went back to the lounge and when Banner operate the system Natasha spawned there, Alive.

Everyone was shocked. How? What? Was the question and they watched the systematic monitor for an explanation, the CCTV and saw y/n hacking the avengers lounge and going inside the machine without any doubt.

And the war between Thanos and everyone was on. Natasha was full with anger. She was supposed to die and she wanted to change it and save Y/N but the machine broke. Before y/n used it she automatically locked it so no one would use it ever again. Natasha fought the war. Angry and because of y/n's sacrificed the stone was in purity. Tony didn't have to die. The war was quick. And with Natasha's anger she uses every strength of her body to fight.

-At y/n's funeral

Everyone left and Natasha is still there alone. It's almost midnight and the moon is very beautiful, shining and the starts were also patterning. Natasha chuckle with a tear in her eyes as she spoke.

"Why would you sacrifice yourself for me? I clearly didn't do anything. I was a coward" she said her voice cracking..... "I love you and I never stopped loving you. I sacrificed myself for you and you did the same to me but the difference is you succeeded and I failed." Her tears running down her face. "Don't worry. If something happened I'll sacrifice my self for the world and if I die, I hope that you'll be with me." She sobbed "I hope that I'll die soon...." She sobbed again and chuckle "I love you."

After that Natasha is always with you, sitting besides your grave even if your grave is empty. She then bring Yelena and introduce her to you. Every mission she's always confident because she knows that your always with her in the sun and in the moon.

______________________________________________

@natsrealgfhihi I finished a storyyyyy!!!😭♥️

A/N: REQUEST ARE OPEN!!!

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

all my ttpd notes on each song before public opinion (overall opinion of the album at the end)

i didnt include tracks 1-6 bc ive posted about them already, but ill add them slowly by eod tomorrow most likely

fresh out the slammer

this is the track i was most excited for i think

oh title drop very early

fresh. out. the slammer. uhhh

i love the flow on all of the songs but i especially like this, its very fluid

FOR JUST ONE HOUR OF SUNSHINE!!!

in the shade of how he was feeling

the flow is very midnight rain i think

OOOH THE CHANGE AT 2:25 I LOVE THISSSSS

"im the girl of his american dreams" OMGGGG

i like the second half way better but the song is awesome

i think what im noticing about the album overall (so far) is it feels very empty production wise. its mostly her voice carrying it through but its hollow and i really think we need a more full production on this, or at least some parts of it. it feels uneven yk? or sort of unfinished, like she had the vocals and just slapped something behind it

florida!!!

VERY VERY EXCITED FOR THIS FLORENCE!!!!!!

and my friends all smell like weed or little babies.... ok.

okkkk less than a minute in and this is sooo anti-capitalist for a billionaire

FLORENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was so scared she'd be swept aside

"all my girls got their lace and their crimes"

so many mentions of a cheating husband on this album

"is that a bad thing to say in a song?" I LOOOOOVE MENTIONS OF THE MEDIA IN THAT MEDIA

FLORIDAAAA!! IS ONE HELL OF A DRuug..........

you can kind of here the thinness (??) of taylor's voice next to florence, the depth is lacking -- not necessarily bad, just something you can hear more with this track

some parts of it ("little did you know...") sound sort of like everybody wants to rule the world, idk if thats just me

guilty as sin

love the production this is so niceee

am i allowed to cry!

"oh what a way to dieeeee"

MESSY TOP LIP KISS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

without ever touching his skin, how can i be guilty as sin............ is this about matty healy please

the quiet distorted "what?" in the bg is very bejeweled

my bedsheets are ablaze

the melody on this is lowkey kind of boring. theres points where i expect her to do something interesting with her voice and flick up or drop low or trill and it just doesnt happen. would be very cool if that was there

"long suffering propriety" that whole bridge is written well but sung so clunky? like it doesnt sound natural it sounds like syllable filler yk? and i know this bc i do it way too much KSJDCHIUHRFIUH

ending with am i allowed to cry, its very much an internal song. idk how to explain it but shes looking in, and when she says am i allowed to cry, shes looking up. <- what???

whos afraid of little old me?

ooooh it starts out so cunty

"my bare hands paved their paths"

you dont get to tell me about sad!

I LOVE THISSS its so mad woman its so rep coded

"i leap from the gallows and i levitate down your street" GREAT LYRIC HILARIOUS VISUAL ITS LIKE THAT HALLWAY MEME BUT WITH TAYLOR. hold on

okay

WHOS AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you should be <- ME TO MY MOM

production goes off cunty as fuck

"the scandal was contained" OMGG TELL ME TELL ME

you dont get to tell me you feel bad variant

BRIDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think this is my favorite track i love it

"the circus life made me mean" ooooh very very interesting. i will analyze this song more fully later but not on this post

"tell me everything is not about me, what if it is?" OKAYYYYY

the way she sings "you should be" reminds of something on folklore/evermore but i cant think of what

shes very cool on this song. the emotion actually comes through.

"you wouldnt last an hour in the asylum where they raised me." oh okay! so like. have we considered not saying that.

i think that line turned me off the whole song KJSDCIUERFHIUEFH LIKE???? HELLO???????

i just. hm. very disappointed. you have one billion dollars. your parents put down the deposit for your career. ok.

the way she sings "wretched" and "narcotics" is what i wanted for more of the album. ykwim.

i will admit her screaming the title is veeeery very nice

"i am what i am cause you trained me" okkkk. im sorry taylor my bad!

idk how i feel about this song anymore. should i just ignore the lyrics and listen lmaoo

i can fix him (no i really i can)

okay i was waiting on this song but with the context of the rest of the album. idk. we'll see

okay IMMEDIATE ick.......... "the smoke cloud billows out his mouth like a freight train through a small town" okay taylor i guess rhymezone was in for her. idkkkkk

okay next line came in actually i spoke too soon it serves !!

this is very cowboy like me inverse

ughhh title drop already. see i wanted it cunty!!! why title it that when its so nothing. this is SO NOTHING

is this about matty healy. girl hes a neonazi you cant fix him

BRIDGE?????? i love when she shows off her kinks

okay. yeah this song was very nothing.

loml

the piano is very gentle on this and muted. i like it

is this aaron dessner? hold on lemme check

yes it is!!!

"never before and never since" looooove <3 <3 <3

"still alive, killing time at the cemetery, never quite buried in your suit and tie" LOOOOOOVE <3 <3 <3

this is very her relationship with religion methinks....

"about a million times" ala illicit affairs "a million little times"

"when your impressionist paintings of heaven turned out to be fakes" i think this is my favorite lyricism out of the album, its very natural its very clear its very real. i really really like it

A CONMAN SELLS A FOOL A GET LOVE QUICK SCHEME. GAGGED

some of it is very grieving that she didnt last with her first love, that she still has to work for it. but its also still feeling like a metaphor for religious beliefs and god, that she cant fully believe and she wishes she had unwavering faith

MR STEAL YO GIRL????????????

"talking rings and talking cradles"

i wish i could unrecall how we almost had it all

"SOMETHING COUNTERFEIT'S DEAD" GLITCH I ALWAYS BELIEVED IN YOU (lie)

"ill never leave. never mind"

the way this extends is very phoebe bridgers and the way she enunciates "loss of my life" is very her as well

okay donesies. i liked this one a lot.

i can do it with a broken heart

i like the glimmery production

lyrics again are flopping a little :/

"im a real tough kid, i can handle my shit" 😸 okay

GOTTA FAKE IT TIL I MAKE IT TIL I DID !!!

the lyrics are so over and so back so much its killing me. i cringe so hard i cry and then i gag just as hard

lights camera bitch smile even when i wanna die......................

"ALL THE PIECES OF ME SHATTERED WHILE THE CROWD WAS SCREAMING MORE" im so. im sooo sos so so feeling aout this.

whos counting in the background idk how i feel about it

"im so depressed i act like its my birthday everyday" ughhhhh!!! cunty but she didnt sing it right yk. idk.

production slays

"im so obsessed with him but he avoids me like the plague" we're back again. i told yall its over and back and over and back SOOOOOO MUCH

okay i think i like it

I CRY A LOT BUT I AM SO PRODUCTIVE! SOOOOOOOOOOOO ME

i wanted the whole album to be like that verse

im a real tough kid again :/ shhhh

"in stilettos for miles" eras im so so sorry girl

IM SO DEPRESSED I ACT LIKE ITS MY BIRTHDAY EVERY DAY IM SO OBSESSED WITH HIM BUT HE AVOIDS ME LIKE THE PLAGUE I CRY A LOT BUT I AM SO PRODUCTIVE ITS AN ART YOU KNOW YOURE GOOD WHEN YOU CAN EVEN DO IT WITH A BROKEN HEART! ! !

when she does "you know youre good!" and the laughing and everything ohhhh my god. IM SO MISERABLE! AND NO ONE KNOWS! dont try and come for my job OKAYYYYYYY SHE SERVED ON THIS

okay i think i really like this song. i just need a couple days lol

the smallest man who ever lived

veryyyyy excited for this. i think. a little.

"who the fuck was that guy" OKAYY!!!!!!!!

theres no lyric i was to write here but its all very good btw

she sounds like my english teacher vocally and its killing me KSJDCIUERHFIUERH

"in public showed me off then sank in stoned oblivion"

i cant figure out what shes saying "once your queen had come, you treat her like an ulcer and"??? alseran?? i cant understand it skdjfhieurhiuerg

you didnt measure up in any measure of a man !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! taylor date girls <3

the production is building here i like it is she gonna belt/scream

YEAHHHH BELTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"were you a sleeper cell spy in 50 years will all this be declassified and youll confess why you did it and ill say good riddance cause it wasnt sex [something something] and it wasnt forbidden" I REAAAAALLY LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i like when she makes up situations and puts herself in them

YOU CRASHED MY PARTY AND YOUR RENTAL CAR

you kicked out the stage lights but youre still performing.

"you are what you did" versus innocent's "who you are is not where you've been"

i like this track

the alchemy

I WAS SUPER EXCITED FOR THIS BUT NOW IDK HOW TO FEEL!!! idk im just jumping in

oh r&b production?? interesting....

ooh whats the rumbling thing i like that

shes returning to something but what...

TOUCHDOWN IS THIS KILLATRAV !!!!!!!!!!!!!! KILLATRAV KILLATRAV !!!!!!!!!!!

oh title drop but i wasnt listening KJSHCIUHEGFH

reference to maathp

is this returning to american boys KJIUFHEORUFHOERF???

oh this is sooooo referencing maathp

okay but it sounds like this person and her were already together and now theyre back "his heart....is still reserved for me" or maybe thats just trav holding on the friendship bracelet

i hate to say this but "wheres the trophy? he just comes running over to me" is very call it what you want + sweet nothing and another song i cant remember right now but yall know...... im sorry

im stupid as hell i cant hear what the line is where she says the alchemy

"he jokes that its heroine but this time with an e" THIS TIME??????

very much like this song. def not what i was expecting and im disappointed in that regard but its still a fun song

clara bow

nervous for this song. i like when she references people and places but theres a way to do it so i get scared every time

oooh ear ringing noise is very fun. i hope its not the whole time though

immediate title drop

oh so its not her? shes talking to someone else i think

oh this is in her past i think

lyrics are flopping.

"breath of fresh air through the smoke rings" like i can fix him (no really i can"

ohhh tambourine WAS stevie nicks reference

SORRY i dont like how she says eclipse lmaoo

i kind of dont vibe with all the small town references its as if she needs to remind us where she came from to be considered good like look how much i did when i came from nothing (even though she didnt)

YOU LOOK LIKE TAYLOR SWIFT IN THIS LIGHT !!!!

youve got edge, she never did girlllllllllll

so does she consider herself the "replacement" for clara bow?

song is okay i think it might grow on me. i think the biggest disappointment on this album is how predictable it all feels sonically.

the black dog

bonus track!! this is the only one i have so i might add the others later but tbh i might wait bc i dont know how much i. care.

muted pianooooo i love muted piano<333

YOU SHARED YOUR LOCATION AND FORGOT TO TURN IT OFF

oh the black dog is a bar. im kind of. okay. okay

"shes too young to know this song" is a nice line but its clunky how its sung

old habits die screaming!

girl your longing does NAWT stay unspoken

folklore when she used "big" words it felt natural (for the most part). here it feels performative? like it doesnt FIT naturally

"was it hazing for a cruel fraternity i pledged" idk how to feel about this!

lots and lots of smoke references!

"six weeks of breathing clean air" -> CLEAN!!!!!!!!!!

two times she says she wants to burn her clothes on this album

i like the production im literally kind of ignoring the lyrics

omg never mind "tail between your legs youre leaving"

personal ick but i hate when songs cut off in a word. she goes "old habits die screeeeeam-" and nothing. JUST SAY THE -ING

okay cool. mid song but i hope the swifties who thought it was about depression and got the variant are feeling okay<33

overall: idk about this album. i went in really excited and so maybe thats why i feel so let down... but i feel so let down. this isnt what was marketed, this isnt anything even real for a lot of it. she's all over the place and i dont think its a tight and solid album -- although monetarily it will obviously look like one. there are moments where we get something very her and very real and i think those moments save the album. the production is also a little all over the place, and so very nothing. im not asking her to do anything fresh or new but why would you market it as if it was and not deliver?

i liked florida!!!, loml, and i can do it with a broken heart -- i think clara bow, the alchemy, and some others (you can tell with my notes LOL) will grow on me. and the tortured poets department and my boy only breaks his favorite toys were good songs, but i think i need a few days to actually acknowledge them as such.

also i think lyrically shes done a few very interesting things. it almost feels like debut with how specific it is and the name dropping and everything -- however it is new/rusty for her so that also kind of hurts her overall. i think maybe this is like good practice for a more evolved narrative lyricism in the future, bc her past mo of hazy visuals and thinly connected moments to string into a narrative just doesnt work anymore.

i will say. she did make me experience all 5 stages of grief plus some fun extras. maybe not in the way she wanted, but i did anyway ! its a fun album and i def think ill like it more as time goes on, but this is my opinion without outside influence and within the first day of listening -- i want to see how that changes! im also holding off on album rankings until a week or two passes

[carmenized-onions]

CHAPTER 9 LETS FUCKING GOOOO (get ready for a yapfest, where most of it will probably be uncomprehensible because language can’t begin to capture the emotions your writing makes me feel) also !! add me to the taglist please and thank you<3

It is t-minus three days, until the worst Friday of your life. - already nervous and the chapter just started but fuck it we ball

you figure it’s probably just the breakfast from yesterday at La Mattina settling in your stomach— the way you scare me but still make me laugh

He does not care this much, he doesn’t even have basic reading comprehension— RICHIE HELL YEAHHHHH (and he calls her cousin🥹)

also big shout out to you author for making it so clear which texts were sent by what person (so how her texts are cursive and richie’s texts are bold) bc some fics make it so hard to differentiate who’s talking/texting!!<3<3

daddy - POR QUE. i know he didn’t mean it like that but shshshdh

See u chip - this is the cutest nickname!! everyone in that poll can fight me idc idc

It’s time to eat a whole freezer cake and lay in your pyjamas all day and interact with not a single soul on this entire planet. - me celebrating doing the bare minimum!! (but it’s still huge to me so i understand chip well)

To the air, more accurately, but, y’know, same thing. - [cries in norwegian]

You’re gonna get dinner, with Richie, this Friday. - OMGGGG HINTS FOR FRIDAY👀👀

THE SWITCH OVER TO CARMEN HELL YEAHHHH - fuckn delicious freezer cake for you author!!

He really needs his sister. - 🫶🏼 i feel like this is layered (like the carmenized onion)

you’re gonna work as a bottle girl for the rest of your life - his worst nightmare fr, worse than the restaurant closing actually

he’s never gonna get his shit together so he’s never gonna get to call you his - SHUT UPPP HOW COULD YOU DROP THIS ON ME😭😭

He’s still gonna be him - BABYBOY THATS NOT A BAD THING😭 LET ME PROTECCCC

Sisyphean nightmare - YOUR WAY WITH WORDS I LOVEEEE IT

He smells your shampoo, in his hair, that helps. - the way your chapters always make me cry from either the fluff or the sad

he has to hide his smile with his hand - THEM

So good to him, too good to him. Too good to anyone - 😭💓🫶🏼😭🫶🏼😭💓

Carmen so, so fucking desperately wants to ask you to come to The Bear, right now. - BALEGDEH

he knows it’d be perfect cannon fodder to be teased into oblivion. - NO BC LIKE IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS *A LOT* WHAT WILL RICHIE THINK OF CARM AND CHIP. Like thinking of how he and mikey acted at christmas after seeing claire makes me wonder how he’d act when finding out about carm and chip (also carm is only able to date girls with c names apparently <even tho chippy is a nickname but hush>)

looks to his best friend - 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

he’s not you. - LMAO

he can’t find your repair expenses anywhere on here. - OOOP CHIPPY IS ABOUT TO GET CAUGHT

“I’m not fuckin’ high, cousin—” - ISBRIFBRIRKR

also bet carmen doesn’t have a problem with the two hours when it means TWO HOURS OF CHIP IN HIS RESTAURANT WHERE HE CAN SNEAK GLANCES AT HER

“What’s uh— Why d’you call Tony ‘Chip’?” - the way you’re nailing his voice!!

“S’ not dark, kinda, it’s just, y’know. Personal.” - WAY TO BUILD TENSION AUTHOR. it’s very clear you’re a(n amazing) screenwriter

Mikey got to do that first, too, eh? - STAPH

he's willing to admit it, for you. - RICHIE AND CHIP BESTIES YEEEHAWWWW

“You really wanna fuckin know, huh?” Richie tilts down his head, teasing. - i love this

“Oh, fuck, you fuckin’ like her, don’t’chu, cousin? You fuckin’ dog.” - SKJDIDJFKD

Y’have my blessing. - CUTE

“Didn’t ask for it.” - CUTER

“Don’t gimme no talk back, she was my boy first, a’right?” - CUTEST (ok carmy is cutest but im doing a thing here)

“Gone, cousin.” - it’s cute that you think that richie!! have a cookie!!

“Uh, one sec, I just need to finish this fuckin’—” He shakes his hand in the air, “Whatever the fuck this is.” - again nailing his character

If he had a… lapse in behaviour, and it got back to you, would that ruin him? - you forget how she met you carm, having a meltdown in the freezer

He needs to find your invoice. - he’s so cuteee

Maybe he should just ask you, instead. Let Nat thank you for the heating pad she’s been loving, properly. Have dinner, all together, in an actual family home, instead of just each other's apartments. That'd be nice. - that’s so sweet but i fear it won’t happen, at least not YET

He’ll make you something off menu, on Friday. - HES THE SWEETEST

You’re coming before the rush, anyways, he’ll have time to play, on Friday. - 👀👀👀

He’s gonna do right by you, this Friday - he owns my heart

But right now, it’s Thursday night, and you’ve finally finished Carmen’s piece for The Bear - OMG I FORGOT ABOUT THIS MASTERPIECE, THE CUTEST GIFT EVER

You know you told him if he didn’t like it, he didn’t have to put it up, but admittedly, if he doesn’t like it, you will be crushed. - mood

Each square a snippet, a photo transfer. The squares themselves are messy, sun damaged, bleach stained, light flared. All twinged blue and yellowish. But so perfectly cut and curated. - the way you make it so easy to picture it, ugh we stan!!

Mikey. The only transfer completely unbleached, unaltered, unruined. He’s holding two cut outs. One, Food & Wine and the other, a small section in the off off off pages of the New York Times. - SHUT UP THATS THE CUTEST THING EVER TO EXIST

So so proud, silently, just with you— Couldn't look soft. Carmen does not know this photo exists. - Im gonna cry

You can only imagine the stress you could’ve eased, during their fire safety test - chip is such a slay

*the piece* is magnificent and perfect in every way and you did that!!

You took inspiration from the way his brain works - AWWWWW:3

He’s awfully inspiring. - the love that they have for each other is just everything. they are everything

You’re excited, to show this to him tomorrow, on Friday. Hopefully all goes well, on Friday. - EVIL

You’re gonna do right, by Carmen, on Friday. - SOULMATES🫶🏼

I almost briefed over all of these past few chapters to be nothing more than snippets in a chapter - i really really REALLY appreciated that you did in fact not do that

if you made it through this whole ask, god fnkn bless, looking forward to the master’s thesis i’ll write in your askbox after the next chapter

I had no idea people could make asks this long; like i mean on a character count level-- Did anyone know you could do this fr-- ANYWAYS I WANNA YAP BACK BUT I'M GONNA PUT A KEEP READING BUT PLEASE DO OPEN THIS THERE'S GONNA BE A POLL I WANT YOU CUTIES TO ANSWER

First of all, of course I will add you to the taglist, thank you for the gift of an essay everytime, i love u <3

I am ALL about Fear and Laughter. If I ever make business cards, that'll probably be the tagline. We ball.

It did make me laugh that you went RICHIE HELL YEAH after 'he doesn't have reading comprehension. I buried the lead on who the he in question was on purpose, and i was wondering if everyone would clock at that line immediately oh, it's richie. I'm so mean.

As for texting, I did read another person's fic and saw they put like screennames and sending times and i was like ah fuck, shoulda done that, but continuity,,,, so i didn't switch it up. Plus I enjoy thematically that Tony is italics, Carmen is italic/bold, and Richie is bold. I feel like it just kinda makes sense, character wise, that Tony and Richie are on either end of the spectrum and Carmen is inbetween.

They've gotta get an HR if Richie says daddy to anyone's face besides Tony frfr,

And THIS is where the new poll comes in, because you all SAY YOU WANNA FUCKIN KISS MIKEY, SO

Personally I do like Chippy a lot, not to colour your opinions. You'll see why i like it, eventually. And I'm sure when that happens we'll talk about it ad fuckin nauseam (and I'll eat it up, I will)

I love doing Carmen's perspective, it's like free therapy, realizing the way he and I both think is fucking crazy and I need to relax. He really does need his sister, poor bug. I genuinely do wonder how that's gonna be handled, in season 3.

HIS LITTLE STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS PANIC YESSIRRR, Bottle Girl Tony = Hell, Never gonna actually date Tony = Mega Hell, He's Still Gonna Be Him = Super Awful Ultra Hell

So many (2) people enjoyed Sisyphean nightmare, I think I just have tumblr accent, honestly.

I'm so glad, that the shampoo thing happened honestly. I know that's crazy to say it like that, as the writer, as I planned it, but i didn't think I'd be able to call back to it all that much-- But I get to call back to it so fucking much, and it's always either heartbreaking or adorable, or both, and I lovveee both.

The idea that anyone has been thinking about a plot line that has yet to arise alot is like-- Like my brain melted. Like that's so. I'm a puddle. Puddle in your hands. BUT YES, I did have to think on that absolutely. It's a weird line to tow, right? Because Richie's gotten more respectful since then, and he's actual friends with Tony-- But like,,, bro is still a bro, at the end of the day.

CHIPPY IS ABOUT TO GET CAUUGGHTTTT, thank god someone laughed at the I'm not fuckin high line, I was worried.

“What’s uh— Why d’you call Tony ‘Chip’?” - the way you’re nailing his voice!! Did you see my ask saying i'm never sure about Carmen's dialogue and are now trying to reassure me? It's working, if you are.

WAY TO BUILD TENSION AUTHOR. it’s very clear you’re a(n amazing) screenwriter Daww, too nice to me, it IS really how I think Richie would navigate this Chip story, though, you'll see why there's,,,, pause about it, eventually.

“Gone, cousin.” - it’s cute that you think that richie!! have a cookie!! Listen, we don't KNOW how many times Tony's listened to Wannabe by the Spice Girls. Probably would need more than a single word though, Rich. A touch dramatic, cousin.

All Tony and Carmen wanna do this Friday is impress each other, and that's totally exactly what's gonna happen idk what y'all are buggin abouttttttt

I'm so glad folks like the piece, i was worried I explained it bad/it's just kinda stupid-- I just felt like, Carmen doesn't give abstract art vibes. I felt like photography worked a lot better for him. It also gave me the opportunity to slip in more Mikey, of which I think he is mentioned literally at least once every chapter. Bro is the phantom in the pages. i adore him.

I am also very glad that I didn't end up doing just snippets from the Consultation chapter to now. I was worried they'd give off filler vibes, when turned into full on chapters, but looking at them all now, i'm like it would've been an insane injustice to not give them all full breathing room. And now i think there's a lot more to sink into and give a fuck about!! Which is gonna make Friday hurt all the more <3

Anyways, thank you thank you for yapping, and i seriously need to go the fuck to sleep fuck i'm gonna be so groggy for work i'm gonna NAP ON THE BUS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME!!!

[technofinch]

hiiiiii could i see multiples of 3 for mulligan? that guy is Intriguing 2 me :)

ok there are a Lot of questions here so i'm gonna do my best to keep them short & sweet!

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory?

his childhood kinda sucked! grew up quite poor on a shitty planet, his mom always wanted more kids but never got them, his dad was kind of a hardass and worked in a mine like 17 hours a day. he started drinking in his early teens to cope with... all that, so he doesn't have a ton of memories either way lmao.

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

he did surprisingly well in school, especially in the more technical classes/math/history. not well enough to get actual scholarships or anything, so he ended up enlisting in the marines to get a higher education, which is where he learned that the marines Fucking Suck!

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals?

im gonna be real with you homeboy has seen like 2 animals in his life and one of them is a dog that is his mortal enemy (Mr Cuddles) and one is a mostly-cat that he rarely sees so. i'd say he's Pretty Bad With Animals

12. What is their favorite food?

will never admit it but it's children's breakfast cereals. the ones that are like 90% sugar

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

he's good at a very specific type of cooking, which is to say, making meals out of the kind of ingredients you have for a long-term deep space voyage. he loves it, but wouldn't know what to do with an Actual Kitchen and exotic things like Fresh Vegetables. the others aren't particularly impressed by it, but they indulge him - it's an important ritual for him and it makes him feel useful :3

18. What’s their favorite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else

hmmm... mulligan doesn't experience a lot of Media, when he does it's usually just catching up on sports to have something to talk about with the other Guys™ at the loading docks. iirc he has canonically played team fortress 2 tho

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

he very much has a temper, i would never describe him as "patient" but his anger can be overridden by fear, especially in confrontations with his superiors. he mostly just yells at people and gets it out of his system, if it's something big he'll carry a grudge and continue to make snippy comments until someone calls him on it

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

his sleeping pattern is "not unless absolutely necessary," excluding cryosleep he gets about half the sleep a regular human needs :/ preferred sleeping situation is a hammock, but he's most familiar with thin awful mattresses

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?

mulligan is way more likely to be angry/resigned/scared than Sad, and i don't think he's cried in a long time. in that situation he would probably flee and hole up like a wounded animal waiting to die until he could successfully bottle the emotion back up

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

he pretty much has to be forced to keep up with his mandatory exercises, luckily the ship's doctor is (was :( ) very good at her job and kept him on track despite his bitching. he does get notably happier post-workout, but if you point this out to him he'll say it's bc it's over lmao

question 33 intentionally omitted <3

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

he's good at drawing, especially still lifes, but he doesn't do it much or think of it as a hobby. he also plays harmonica, which he is bad at, and does consider a hobby. he can sing, but the only songs he really knows are ones he learned from his mother, so he doesn't

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging?

call the man. he wants to hear your voice. hand-written letters are basically non-existent in the setting, but he rarely checks his email/texts. just call him. leave a voicemail if you must.

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

number one goal is to Survive Another Day, subgoal Don't Kill Anyone. he's not a very ambitious person, like, at all. he would however sacrifice anything to keep his crew safe. he feels a Lot of responsibility towards them, even though he knows most of them are more competent than he is lmao. his secret ambition is to overthrow capitalism and start a commune, however, he also thinks this is stupid.

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

in my mind, other people see mulligan as kind of an uncomfortably intelligent dog. just smart enough to get into trouble but will pretty much do what you ask him to do. deficiency of critical thinking and ambition. multiple npcs offered to help him fake his death and quit his job and he did not understand Why they all wanted him to do that.

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organize the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend?

in the academy he enjoyed parties for the booze, mostly showing up to one he wasn't invited to, but after he stopped drinking he pretty much stopped going to parties, and after graduating he really stopped being in groups of more than, like, 10 people who all live together anyway. he does occasionally organize the mandatory crew bonding nights, where he gets everyone together to play dumb party games like never-have-i-ever and watch their vhs cops of home alone 2: lost in new york

[euthymiya]

ohhhhhh my god i just read your wriothesley fic and let me just start of by saying i have never read 20k words so easily that it felt like 2k. that whole read just flew by it was that good. i was sad when it was over.

and their dynamic? it was so soft yet so filled with banter i loved LOVED the reader’s backstory with her father and the way she’s a little plant nerd! but you seriously went huge with wriothesley’s back story oh my goodness. oh. my. GOODNESS. i don’t think i’ve ever read a fic that explored his past with so many minor details. antoine?? my heart BROKE for a character i don’t even know existed 🥲 the way he mourned and blamed himself. the way he still thinks about his mother and fathers eyes. his baby sisters and brothers? the way he misses them even though he hardly remembers them? IT ALL HURT SO MUCH but it was SO good. the CHOCOLATE CROISSANT???? ma’am i will be needing a moment to collect myself i am nailed into the coffin.

and the smut was so juicy too 🫣 i was sweating a little every scene. what i love most about it all though is the way reader is able to sacrifice her feelings for a moment and put her pride aside to see where he was coming from when he was jealous and reassure him instead of continue arguing. the emotional maturity she puts on so that he can be comfortable falling in love is SO touching, i could weep.

this fic was EXCELLENT you really did not have to go so hard but i am grateful you did 🫶 thank you for writing!

NONNIE I ALMOST WANTED TO HOARD YOUR ASK IM SO SERIOUS THIS WHOLE THING MADE ME WANT TO CRY AND PASS AWAY

ok first of all, as always thank you so much for reading the fic!! i always say this and i know it sounds like a very basic response but i always mean it! you guys sitting through 20k words i deliriously wrote in the wee hours of the morning is always something i am very very grateful for

but also i’m so so excited you enjoyed the story and the little details. reader is so special to me i love her she’s a sweetie pie and i want to hold her in my arms she’s everything to me. but it’s siblings to!!!! i got so attached to little antoine i almost changed my mind about killing him off but alas 😔 for the narrative things must happen and even though i am heartbroken it had to be done 😔 for the sake of developing wriothesley’s trauma 💔 all the little details about his past were genuinely very fun to come up with. did they sting a bit?? yes. quite a bit in fact. but they were fun nonetheless and i’m happy you appreciated them!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH for leaving this long and heartfelt ask i really really appreciate it 🥹💖 and just to prove it to you i’m going to hereby declare you the love of my life

[bexreadstoomuch]

Magic Man - Chapter 12

After Winning your local Battle of The Bands competition, you don’t realise it’s your old school crush’s band that’ll you’ll be supporting for the next 4 months. Can you put the past behind you and forgive?

its a couple of days after new year's - does y/n regret what happened? is she ok?

NSFW — slow burn, fluff, flirting, reader has weight/image issues light angst, 18+ overall for eventual smut, drug/alcohol mention/use/language, angst, smut, fingering, confessions of attraction, EddiemunsonxFemReaderHenderson

Masterlist Part 12/? [wc 4.2k] a/n - TW- This chapter is very close to things that I went through, depression, sadness, body image issues, no self worth. please please like, share and comment, your comments make me so happy and encourage me to write more! thank you &lt;3

12 - Im Sorry

January 1990

New Years was a whirlwind of emotions. 

Joy, sadness, relief, shame and uncertainty.

You kept your promise to Eddie that night, as soon as the countdown began to bring in the New Year he pulled you to a secluded corner, bringing both his palms to either side of your face and pulled you to him with a gentle kiss.

He pulled away flashing a huge toothy grin at you, pressing your foreheads together, staring deep into your eyes.

“You kept your promise and I'll keep mine sweetheart” Eddie whispered to you.

“Thank you Ed’s” you whispered back “I best go see the girls and wish them a happy new year, they’ll wonder where I disappeared too”

Eddie nodded, bringing your hand up to his lips leaving a kiss on your knuckles “As you wish” bowing down to you, making you blush and gently squeeze his hand before trying to move away, but he wouldn't let go.

“Eddie, come on, you better go see the boys” you pleaded with him, not being able to stop smiling.

With that he gave you a wink and moved across the floor in the direction of the bar.

You look around the room and you notice Lula practically on top of Gareth, it seems like they think they are the only people in the room. I'm so glad she's happy. But you cannot see Jack, thinking she must have gone back to your shared room already. 

You look around one more time, catching Eddie's eye. You give him a small smile, which he returns, raising his glass to you, watching you turn and make your way to the exit.

In the days that passed you couldn't stop thinking of that night. The way Eddie made you feel, his hands on you, holding you, caressing you. “Y/n? Are you ready to do this?” Jack asks, coming up from behind you, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“Yeah, just a little nervous is all” you turn to reply.

Wyatt had come to you all the day after new years day, to ask again if you still wanted to accept his offer of joining the record label. You had all wholeheartedly agreed again. 

“Girls, I'm so happy you will be joining our family here. I haven't told the boys yet, but they should be here shortly and we’ll tell them together before the press conference in a few days, yes?” Wyatts southern charm calmed you all down, as you could see Jack and Lula were as nervous as you.

All nodding, Wyatt smiled a small smile, letting out a chuckling sigh. You haven't seen Eddie properly for a few days since New Years. You couldn't bring yourself to be around him. Yes he promised to stay quiet with everyone about what happened between the two of you, and you're grateful that he has, because part of you is regretting what happened.

You kept thinking to yourself that you have to give him another chance, but you couldn't fully give yourself to it. You kept seeing him staring at you from across the stage, giving you a small smile every time. 

You'd feel the heat rising in your face every time you caught his eye, but from behind him you'd see Kelly glancing over towards you with a look you couldn't place. Was it hatred? Was it disgust?

“So what's this meeting you wanted, boss that gets us up at this ungodly hour?” Eddie's voice echoed around the stage as he walked onto the stage from a side wing followed by the rest of Corroded Coffin.

“Very funny Munson it's 11am, now come down here we got something to tell you all” Wyatt shouts across the room towards everyone motioning with his hand for them to all gather around.

You glance over at Eddie, giving him a small crooked smile, looking down at your shoes, nervous about what his reaction is going to be when he finds out the news. He returns your smile, throwing a little wink your way. You let out a small giggle, which is quickly distinguished as you see Kelly saunter over to Eddie's side, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. He must have noticed the change in your face as he moved sides ways taking her hand off of him looking over at her raising his eyebrows. 

Kelly gave out a short harsh huff through her nose and crossed her arm across her body, looking in your direction, looking you up and down smirking. “So I gathered you all here this morning for two reasons. One, we have a press conference to mark the halfway point of the tour in a few days. We are going to make an announcement that we are going to extend the tour” Wyatt explains to everyone.

“Extend?” you look over at him surprised “for how long?”

“Why yes, we have been having exceptional demand, so another 3 months, going up into Canada, and that brings me to the second part of the reason I brought you all here. We have decided to offer a contract with the girls here to join our family” 

“WHAT?” It was Kelly's voice louder than most. Her shrill shout is a stark contrast to everyone else's joyful shouts. 

Jack looks up in shock at Kelly “What's that supposed to mean Kels?”

Kels? Why is Jack calling her Kels? You look between the two trying to figure out what that exchange was about.

“You two I get but HER?” Kelly shouts pointing at Jack and Lula, then wavering her hand up and down in the direction of you.

Lula suddenly tries to lunge forward towards Kelly, but Gareth manages to grab her around her middle just in time.

“LET ME GO! No one ever disrespects Y/N'' Lula screams struggling against Gareth's arms.

“Lu, come on babe, calm down! Kel’s come on, that's out of order!” Gareth says trying to calm Lula down and drag her away from the situation. 

“Wyatt this is a bad idea, who would want to see THAT on the cover of an album!” Kelly pleads

Over all the shouting, there comes loud banging noise. “EVERYONE! STOP THIS NOW!” Waytt is slamming down his walking stick into the ground.

“Kelly this is not your decision to make, we are signing with the girls tomorrow during the press conference, they will make a great addition to the family! And that's what we are! Family!” you've never heard in the 3 months of knowing him Wyatt raise his voice at all.

Lost of words, with a look of thunder across her face Kelly turns heel and storms away across the stage in your direction, stopping just next you turning and saying “I know what's going on and it's not going to work, you've hurt him once, i'm not going to let it happen again”

You're rooted to the spot not able to move, trying not to let the tears fall from your eyes, as you watch Kelly walk towards the exit door, slamming it behind her. You suddenly feel a pair of strong arms wrap around your middle, a chin resting on your shoulder, soft curls brushing your cheek, the faint scent of cigarettes and mint.

“Just ignore her sweetheart, I’ll talk to her later” Eddie's voice is almost a whisper in your ear.

You still can't say anything, pushing his arms away from your middle, you just walk away not saying a word to anyone.

“Y/N, please don't let Kelly ruin this moment for you, i'll have a word with her later about her behaviour” Wyatt takes a hold of your arm as you walk by, his voice almost soothing. “We wouldn't ask you to join us if we didn't think you had this amazing talent, don't let anyone tell you otherwise”

Nodding your head, you made your way back towards the motel next door to the venue wanting to be alone.

“Y/n please stop walking so fast!” Eddie's voice calls behind you.

“Eddie please just leave me alone, I need to be on my own for bit, please” 

Walking faster you reach the door of your room, trying desperately to get the key to your room, when Eddie is next to you, hand on your shoulder trying to turn you around.

“Please, what Kelly said was completely out of order, I promise i’ll talk to her, please sweetheart look at me” Eddies voice falters on the last words causing you to face him.

“What's that going to do Ed’s? Hmm? She's right, look at me! She's right! Just leave me alone!” Your voice shakes with the tears falling down your cheeks.

You get the door open and hurry inside, shutting it abruptly behind you, locking it behind you.

“Y/n please, come on!” Eddie calls through the closed door.

Curling up on the bed tears stinging your eyes, wrapping yourself in your blanket to try and comfort yourself.

Eddie keeps knocking on your door pleading for you to open the door for him, but you roll over covering yourself up more, trying to block the world out from everyone, consumed by your own thoughts. After a short while you hear him stop, curse under his breath and walk away from your door.

The next day you awaken with a sore head and bloodshot eyes from crying yourself to sleep the previous night. Thoughts running through your mind of what Kelly had said to you.

She was right in your mind, who would want to see you on an album cover? You didn't have the same image as everyone else. Lula was cute and bubbly and blonde and curvy in all the right places. Jack had the hard rock image that no one would mess with.

You made your way from your bed to the full length mirror looking at yourself, grabbing hold onto your soft stomach, large thighs, and hating everything that you see.

Why did Eddie say all those things to you on new years? You didn't want to believe he was like everyone else. Just saying those things to get to brag about being with a big girl. But the small voice in the back of your mind was taking over. You felt so foolish that you let it go so far with Eddie that night. Why did you let it happen?

You can't deny it felt good. It felt really good, but were you moving it too fast? Is he going to think you're easy? Did he really mean all he said?

He called you beautiful, but you couldn't see it.

There were no shows scheduled for a few days before the press conference so you hid away in your motel room, not answering the door to anyone, not even Jack or Lula. You could hear their worried voices behind the door, trying to encourage you to come out but you were not budging. They would bring you a bag of food from the local diner and leave them outside the door for you. Seeing the contents you would eat a few of the fries they got you but leave everything else. You just couldn't bring yourself to eat. 

On the third day of your seclusion you decided you needed to get out of your pit of a bed and get a bath. Looking at yourself in the small bathroom mirror you didn't recognise yourself. Huge dark bags under your eyes, matted hair sticking up in all directions, still wearing the same oversized tee you'd thrown on a few days ago to try and hide yourself.

Turning the tap of the motel bath you sat on the edge of the tub watching the water rise, dipping your hand in moving it back and forth floating through the surface of the water.

Deciding to have a rummage through the cabinets you found some basic lavender scented bath soak, which you tipped into the water, breathing in the relaxing scent. Lifting your top over your head you took another look at your reflection in the mirror.

Imagining what you'd look like if you didn't have wide hips, large thighs, large breasts. Wondering if people would prefer you if you looked like those models you'd see, long blonde hair, skinny long legs, perfect perky tits.

Lowering yourself into the warm water you instantly feel yourself relax. Leaving the bathroom door open you could see the clock on the adjacent wall by the TV hanging on the wall. You had no idea what time it was. You had lost complete track of time while locked away to yourself. Just hearing the tick of the hands going around.

It was gone past midnight.

Closing your eyes, you let your body slip down the bath until your head was under the water. It was peaceful. Quiet. Allowing the water to relax your tense muscles.

You'd been here before. That night after Hellfire. It had taken your mom and Dustin over a week to get you back from being locked away in your room. Your mom got so scared you'll hurt yourself she took all the locks from the doors, including the bathroom. One day she came to find you in a similar position you are now, under the water of the bath, but fully clothed. She dragged you up by your shoulders, shouting at you through her tears. Trying to get an answer from you, but you couldn't say anything staring blankly past her.

You're suddenly brought back from your thoughts, by a muffled knocking sound. Lifting your head back above the surface, the knocking continues. Sighing deeply you lift yourself from the water grabbing your dressing gown wrapping it around you wondering who would be knocking at this time of night.

Slowly making your way to the door you look through the peephole, seeing Eddie with a distressed look upon his face.

He knocks again.

“Hey, Y/N I know you're in there, please, let me in, I need to talk to you” You could hear the desperation in his voice.

You slowly move your hand to the lock and chain opening the door. Eddie stood in the door frame in his black jeans, Reeboks and a large plain black hoodie, his curls tied up in a loose bun at the base of his neck, a few curls loose framing his face.

“Hey Eds” your voice is small, so quiet you're surprised he heard you.

“Sweetheart, are you ok? I've been so worried about you, we all have” he moves towards you into the room but you take a step back, looking around sheepishly.

“Y/N?” Eddies look around the room noticing the brown bags of now cold food, that had been left for you barely touched.

“Have you eaten anything at all?” you could hear the concern in his voice, it cuts into you deep.

Looking down at your bare feet, you shake your head, your chin starting to tremble, your knees going weak.

Eddies rushes towards you engulfing you in his warm embrace, as you both tumble to the ground. He menovers you so you are sitting on his lap as he brings your damp head to his chest, resting his chin atop your head.

“Please sweetheart, don't cry, i got you it's all ok, im here, i promise i'm not going anywhere” Eddie rocks you slowly back and forth soothing you, relaxing you as your cry into his chest your hands grabbing the front of his hoodie, keeping him close.

You don't know how long you stay like this. Time escapes you. But you start to shiver, remembering you're completely naked apart from your dressing gown.

“Doll, you're freezing, come let's get you warm” You didn't want to leave his embrace but you knew you needed to get dressed, to feel remotely human again.

“Here, sit down i'll find you some clothes” Eddie manoeuvres you back to your unmade bed sitting you down, as he makes his way to your duffle bag on the side table by the bathroom door.

You watch him silently go through your bag, thinking you'd be embarrassed having him go through your things but right now you didnt care.

He come back over to you holding a pair of leggings, an oversized Iron Maiden tee, zip up black hoodie, socks and your worn high top converse.

“I didn't know what you'd like but I thought these looked comfy” he looked sheepishly at you, finally admitting, “ill er let you choose everything else” guestering towards your bag.

It took you a minute to realise he meant your panties and a bra. Letting out a soft laugh through your nose, you nodded and made your way over to the bathroom holding your clothes, grabbing everything else on the way.

“I'll be back out in a mo” Looking back you see Eddie has taken your place on the edge of your bed his hands together fidgeting with his rings.

“Take as much time as you need doll, i'll be right here”

“Thank you Eddie” you softly close the door behind you, sitting on the edge of the bath, reaching over to release the water down the drain. 

Getting dressed again, you started to feel somewhat better, but you had so many thoughts and questions gnawing away at you you needed some answers from him.

Making your way back into the room you saw Eddie was now standing, with your blanket wrapped up over his arm, your notebook, and 2 bottles of beer.

“Come with me sweetheart, I want to show you something” Eddie held out his free hand for you.

You thought for a moment whether you should take it or not, but your body answered for you by reaching out and intertwining your fingers together.

“Where are we going Eds?” you questioned him as he lead you out of your room and down the pathway.

“Just a quick detour to my room, and then you’ll see” Eddies voice was hushed as not to make to much noise going past all the other rooms. Reaching into his hoodie pocket he produced his key, adn unlocked his door.

“I’ll be right back” he sneaked into his shared room, not wanting to wake up Jeff who was snoring away face down in his bed.

“Ok lets go” Eddie said, reappearing now wearing his trademark sleeveless denim jacket. The very same from school. 

Taking your hand again in his, he led you across the motel car park, round the back of the building to where you had parked the buses a few days previous.

You were heading straight towards the rear of Bertha where the ladder to access the roof platform was located.

“Come on doll make your way up i’ll be up there in a second” Eddie was smiling at your with that huge toothy grin, that always made you blush.

You placed your foot on the first tred and pulled yourself up working your way to the top. Once you reach the top it look all the strength you had not to cry again.

He must have been here earlier as there were pillows and blankets laid out everywhere, little fairy lights lining the edge of the platform, and a wide low chair that looks like it was one of the sunbeds from by the motel pool.

Pulling yourself over the top, you hear Eddie making his way up to you.

“I hope this is ok Y/n? I asked Jack if I could do this and she said as long as I don't manhandle Bertha and it was for you, then it's all ok” Eddie explained as he placed your blanket on the back of the chair and the beers and your notebook down beside it.

“Eds this is beautiful” you can't believe he would do something like this for you. He made his way over to the chair sitting down with a leg hanging over each edge, leaving space in the middle. Once seated he shuffled his denim vest off, motioning for you  To sit down next to him. 

You slowly make your way over towards him taking the seat between his legs. Once seated he places his jacket over your shoulders wrapping you up in his familiar scent. 

“I don't want you to get cold again,'' whispering in your ear, moving a stray piece of hair from your face tucking it behind your ear.

Sighing gently you quickly nod not wanting to look at him, feeling you could combust.

You feel him shift next to you learning over and you hear a click, and then soft music plays. You instantly recognise the gentle guitar intro ‘Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin’ he must of brought a tape player up here too.

“C'mere sweetheart” Eddie moves back towards you placing his hands on your upper arms. “Lean back into me”

“Eddie, why did you do this?” You question him as you gently lean back and bringing your legs up onto the lounger.

“Well I feel I have some explaining to do, and also I wanted to make sure you were okay. Plus it was a beautiful evening and I just wanted to share the stars with you”

Eddie's cheek was now pressed next to your own as he placed his head on your shoulder.

“Kelly was completely out of order with what she said to you y/n” 

“Eds shes right, come on, look at me, who would want to see me on an album cover, they want someone like Lula or Jack. It doesn't matter about talent anymore it’s all image” You retort back to him

“Sweetheart, you are the most beautiful person I have ever met! Look, everything I said to you at New Years is true. You are beautiful inside and out” Eddies hand had come round to turn your face towards him to look you dead in the eye so he could prove to you he wasn't being deceitful. 

“If it takes me every single day of the rest of my life to prove that to you, than so be it!” Eddie was determined to prove his worth to you, but something was nagging at you.

“I need to ask you something about Kelly, something she said to me” You shift around to face him better.

“She said to me ‘it's not going to work, you've hurt him once, i'm not going to let it happen again’ what did she mean by that Eds? Did, erm did you two, errrm, were you two together when this tour started?” you asked him nervously.

Eddie let out a chuckle, looking down at your worried face.

“No y/n me and Kelly were never together, not at all, were just really good friends, we look out for each other, she's like a sister to me, I promise you, its just you”

“Does she hate me?” You ask fiddling with a loose thread on the bottom of Eddie's hoodie sleeve.

“No doll, she doesn't hate you, she's just looking out for me is all, I promise once you get to know her she's great. But it's not my place to tell you her story. I told her my side of what happened between us all those years ago and..I’m sorry y/n im sorry for what happened” Eddie's voice trailed off quietly.

“Look y/n, why were you avoiding me?” 

“I, erm, Eds im sorry, I just didn't know what to do or say after new years, I felt stupid for what happened” you feel Eddie's whole body stiffen under you.

“NO NO wait! I don't regret it at all, Eddie no! Not that! It's just myself. I. I. I don't know why someone like you would like someone like me. I don't even like myself” Your chin started to tremble again, shifting in your seat so you were facing him fully, your legs crossing underneath you.

“y/n, sweetheart, I lost you once, I don't want to lose you again” both of Eddie's hands move to cradle your face, storking your cheeks with his thumbs to wipe away the tears threatening to fall from your cheeks.

“Please, I promise you y/n, it's only ever been you”

Eddie's hands move back to your shoulders, down your arms bringing you back to him, cradling you to his chest.

“Ok Eds, you won't lose me, I promise” looking back up at him, you move closer to each other hovering over each other's lips. He doesn't move any closer, letting you make the next decision.

You break the distance, bring your lips to his fill ones gently, melting into him.

It's a gentle kiss, but you can feel the intent behind it. Breaking away you lean your foreheads together just enjoying the moment of being together.

Leaning back into his arms you both look up at the night sky, eddies pointing out different constellations to you, explaining each one.

You felt content for the first time in days. You never wanted to leave this moment. He didn't want to lose you, and you didn't want to lose him again either. You needed to talk to Kelly, find out her side of things, but right now you didnt want to think about her. All that matters is that you were here with the man you cared about so much. 

Your Magic Man.

Tag List - @corrodedcoffincumslut @bohemianrhapsody86 @themrsmunson @emmalee-01  @jennk182

[aranict]

3, 10, 29, and 33 for questions I think would be fun to ask <3

Thanks for that!! :D

3. 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

Ok, Im not all that great on films, but the only one I can think of are the The LOTR movies. They are 3. do they count? :D

10. would you say you’re an emotional person?

Hah, what a question... I will be honest with you: I am terribly emotional, that's why I am very, very reluctant in terms of being 'emotional' in front other people , other than those Im very close with :)

On the outside, if you ask people who know me, they will say Im a person who is very calm under stress, taking the lead in difficult situations, proposing solutions instead of freaking out, not prone to anger.

On the inside, I'm a total mess :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) but nobody has to know. :) :)

29. what do you do when you’re sad?

Usually, I get creative. I draw, l listen to music, I just go outside and take a walk at the park. I go to my comfort zone, with is either artistic creation or my favourite headcanons :)

33.any hobbies?

Okay, so I guess I'll stick to the ones I've never gave up:

Reading fantasy novels. I've been reading, like, since... a kid. All the time? My parents were teachers, so I was encouraged to pick up literature at a very early age. Sooo I guess I've read a lot of non fiction and fiction over the years, but my strong preference during most of my adult life are fantasy novels. ( and a bit of romantasy, as of late, as I am a sucker for a good written romance). I love Steven Erikson, Anthony Ryan Jany Wurts, Lois McMaster Bujold, C.S. Friedman, well I could go on and on and on. Actually, please someone tag me on a books ask, I can talk books for hours :D

Playing the piano! Its one of the things that I turn to from time to time, and even though I never managed to be a great player, I still play quite often for fun. I love the Russian School ( rachmaninoff, tchaikovsky), I love the modern composers like Nyman and Einaudi , and I really also enjoy adaptations of quite a lot Anime/ JRPGs ( Japanese composers, you are a gift on this world)

Painting/ Drawing :) I guess this is how I would identify first as an artist, although to be fair I always struggled with techniques. I havent drawn anything in a while, because I felt kinda...demotivated with my art :)

I've recently picked up writing. On a whim. Who knows where this would lead. :)

[sugar-omi]

HI IM AN INSANE BAXSTAN AND SWIFTIE AND UR RYT MR PERFECTLY FINE HAS IMMENSE BAXMC POTENTIAL

while i think its not Unlikely for mc to forgive baxter within the span of the dlc, i DO think theyre not given enough options to feel complicated abt it. u pretty much have to decide how to feel from the start, and arent given a lot of room to change ur mind. For example, my mc Anne is a very forgiving person, especially with bax bc she understands his need to be entertaining & liked. HOWEVER she starts the dlc off thinking "ok if hes gonna be distant i can do that" but then when he jokes with xavier shes like "well im CONFUSED now and i need answers" and shes irritated, but also still likes him. after the bowling she hugs him and is still like confused, but again likes him still. by the time shes baking with him, shes both confused and endeared with him but is kinda harsh with him, even when hes apologizing at the wedding.

All this to say; its not UNREALISTIC mc would forgive in that timespan, its just the lack of complexity mc is or is not afforded that makes it feel too fast. additionally, while u do get to be mad, theres no real moderation for it, and no way to be like "this is a start, but it will take time to trust him fully again". so yeah, it feels rushed and personally i think it was rushed to be released due to whatever reasons (either not caring abt baxter or wanting to work on olnf, who knows)

anyway, i would go on about baxters dlc and its shortcomings for hours if given a chance so for now ill just call it here <3 signed, 🌸Anon

YES YES I AGREE

i do think there was a lotta effort n good stuff but into baxter, and i also havent replayed it since they updated some stuff so maybe its a bit better since release

but i do agree i think the emotional range is very limited its either "idc anymore", "im mad", "i look back fondly", "im pretty sad abt it", n all that stuff n its just pretty straight forward in whatever you choose

i think step 4 is a bit short? maybe?

BUT I ALSO THINK ITS PRETTY FLESHED OUT, now i haven't acted professional w baxter, i tried but i just didnt have time to go through w the route. but there are options!!! its just one and done i think so its kinda like, you cant express How conflicted you are

bc realistically id be so sad but i also hold a grudge so id be like "yeah you say you love me n all that n i GET IT but also im scared"

BUT I ALSO THINK ITS BC WE ARE PLAYING IT WITH SEVERAL HOURS??? like MC has 5 years to get through the emotions, but the time between him saying "see you never!!!" and "omg hi, i miss u but u dont need me but i miss u?!?!!?!" is like less than 5 minutes so.....

LITERALLY I WAS PLAYING IT THE FIRST TIME N I WAS LIKE "you bastard, fuck you. i hate you. stfu. YOURE SO CUTE. you ASSHOLE. i am going to KISS YOU. i want to slap you so fucking bad right now"

like pls i was freaking out during my first playthru

i think baxter's dlc was more focused on the "i am hurt" and "i have XYZ reasons for being like this" and it goes through all that and its less "lets work through your complex feelings/this is how you reacted when we met again bc you felt/feel very conflicted and now we will work thru it"

BAXTER DLC IS LITERALLY "I CAN FIX HIM" OMFG

but honestly i like the baxter dlc better than the derek dlc bc i HATED how "i can do everything by myself!!!!" derek was in step 2 and how sibling focused it was, i man i still loved it of course but i wish derek n mc had more 1 on 1 time

and then in step 4 it was like "i missed out on everything, i feel shitty n im sorry!" and mc just.... idk maybe i need to play it again but i was still mad derek ghosted for a whole step n then it was still very family focused, and while i loved that as well

i just wanted more derek by himself, i wanted to pamper him n love him n just yk

idk, all the dlc's are so good but i do think the forgiveness is very quick which makes sense bc they're making ol2 but man, i would love if it was just double the length or half that to just flesh it out some bc i wanted some sweet moments w the boys as well :(((

ANYWAY YES I DO AGREE ITS NOT UNREALISTIC

just unrealistic for ppl like me who take 2-3 years to get over wtf happened and another 2 to actually settle in my decision to forgive 😂😂 but even then, if i had 5 years to get over it i could prbly forgive him after a lot of crying and a bit of screaming LMAO

[melonkittii]

hello. im ready to make a thread of my initial thoughts

spoilers under the cut for the eleventh hour gn (obviously) (also its a pretty long post lol)

the opening sequence caught me fully off guard and i like it so much. pair it with the dramatic irony of them yelling at barry towards the end. juicy stuff. love it so much

my favourite running joke with lucretia is her introcard always having some veiled reference to The Events. one of her proficiencies being 'remembering the dead' certainly holds true

lucretia ^v^ face is real. look at her.

i noticed the running background joke of affirmative mugs that aren't actually all that affirmative. it was very funny. World's Sheriff

the ren and taako scene. i feel no need to elaborate

speaking of that though, the opening to magic lessons starts a running motif of taako being actively bad at fire evocation, despite telling everyone that he remembers being very good at it. i wonder if he had someone close who would do that for him instead

i like that taako actively cares abt the others' wellbeing, up to and including waiting for them to join conversations, etc. its noticeable that he pauses and waits for everyone to respond before he continues. he cares ok

ren <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

the lucretia monologue from merle's lunar interlude is, in my opinion, as an expert on Lucretia Moments (tm), one of the most fucked up things she ever says. and seeing it in the comic definitely made me feel a type of way. i love you lucretia. i want to shake you around so bad

correct me if im wrong but lucretia and merle laughing is the first time lucy's ever gotten silly in the comic right? they tend to cut her jokes in favour of playing her more seriously but it was so sweet and refreshing to see her being so comfortable. makes me so excited for the stolen century comic

extremely mad that the "shoulda leaned away" "I LEANED AWAY" joke was lost. but not as devastated as losing the skeleton DnD debate. they cut all of the best travis moments from the arc

changing their death count from like, 8? to well over a hundred was an interesting choice. i think it works well to convey the narrative stakes a little better since they cut the old-june interludes.

i dont know if this was intentional but starting the last loop on chapter 111, which is the exact amount of years that the stolen century and lonely decade span, made me insane. this may be just an innocuous choice though. who knows

losing redmond and luca makes sense definitely and i love more ren screentime but man the running bit of griffin attempting to foreshadow lup over and over again and noone ever getting it is so dear to me. edward and lydia are definitely a better set for that though. rip skeleton man

istus <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 i cried a little over her in my twitter live tweet. kissing the pages

[static noises] in taako's chalice sequence was fully expected and yet i still got blindsided by it somehow. i had to put the book down for a little while. it was the only panel that made me do that

cried a little at glamour springs too. he looks so sad :,(

the crying at taako's sequence certainly didnt prepare me for the emotional state i went into ravens roost in. magnus burnsides i am holding you. i am holding you. i am h

little june looks like istus and i think that is so incredibly good.

YELLED OUT LOUD WHEN THE RED RBE APPEARED. OBVIOUSLY. IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS SCENE

i already mentioned the dramatic irony but what i love the mot abt this sequence is how like, stressed out barry looks. like he has no grip on this conversation whatsoever. it conveys his desperation really well considering how imposing he's (tried to) be in all other scenes

taako saying lup's name out loud after barry says it is profound to me because one thing that's always fucked me up in the podcast is that before he remembers he never once says it. its always "L-U-P". barry is the only one who remembers how to say her name. so seeing taako say it now was like. gut punch. ow

ignore the rest of this thread because taakitz date is real so who cares about anything else /j. i missed my man so bad. so happy to see him around

i KNEW the drawing would be the ending stinger and it STILL got me. FUCK the suffering game comic will be so good