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toxinellebug · 9 months

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Shadybug/ClawNoir supporting character Headcanons

Jagged Stone? More like Jared Smith. He wanted to be a rockin musician, but his type of music is banned by the Supreme so his career never took off. Instead, he ended up marrying his girlfriend, Nannette Couffaine, after accidentally knocking her up with twins, released his pet crocodile into the Seine, got an apartment, and works a regular job that he HATES. But, he secretly still tries to record music and sells it on the black market where it has become somewhat popular in the indie underground, but if he were caught he would go to prison for sure. It’s not a happy marriage but he does what he has to. His kids last names are hyphenated Couffaine-Smith.

No houseboat, and without Royalties from music labels, neither Juleka or Luka could afford to go to Francois Dupont

Penny works as an assistant for Bob Roth and HATES IT. The man is a sexist slave driver, but this business is brutal.

Nadja Chamack is not a news anchor. You can’t be a single mother AND have a career that takes up so much of your time. As a result, Marinette has never had to babysit Manon.

Lila wants to challenge Chloe’s position as queen of the school, but there are no lies about charity work, only lies of what powerful and famous connections she has.

Adrien is not interested in being friendly with Lila, and definitely not going to help her with schoolwork. But he is still the ultimate trophy and key to winning popularity in Lila’s eyes, so she is determined to “win him over”, even though he finds her almost as annoying as Chloe, but Chloe he is stuck with due to her mom’s working relationship with his dad.

Gabriel doesn’t trust Lila one bit.

The sad and negative emotions he is forced to sense due to the power of the Butterfly brooch cause him distress, and he often has to excuse himself due to “headaches” from overworking, as a creative’s work is never done… But he is always listening for the emotions of people crying out for justice, for help, for people who wish they had the power to help.

Andre Glacier is still the Sweetheart’s ice-cream maker, but Sweetheart’s ice-cream is just a special menu item that you can request. Otherwise he has a scheduled route and serves the ice-cream that customers ask for.

Alya’s dad wishes the zoo could focus more on animal enrichment and larger enclosures but they don’t have the budget for such “unnecessary extravagences”.

Mr. Haprel hopes to make it as a famous Mime one day so he can be rich enough to afford to send his daughter, Mylene, to the school he works at as a janitor.

Everyone avoids Ivan.

Thomas Astruc never made it as a famous director, rather, the Supreme favored his University Rival, Andre Bourgeois, who also owns the Le Grande Paris Hotel.

Gina and Roland Dupain are not divorced/separated per say… Gina was sent to prison for civil disobedience. That’s why Tom is a doormat and just goes along with whatever discipline Sabine decides on because he doesn’t want his precious little girl to end up a criminal like her grandmother.

Sabine does not teach an inkpainting class on the weekend or practice tai chi or feng shui.

The walls of Marinette’s home are not pink, they are a boring beige that she hates.

The Agreste Manor is not a sterile, black and white modern decor dungeon. It is a prism of color, function, form, beauty and nature with nods to antiquity and the whimsical. Adrien HATES it. All color and light left this world when his mother died. The art in his house mocks his pain.

There is no school blog for Nathaniel to post his art on… But Marc ended up in that class instead of Marinette. (So did Mireille) He’s still too shy to admit he’s a writer. And even more shy to admit he has a crush on Nathaniel, so all he can do is watch the boy quietly. Rose thinks it’s a romantic tragedy and wants to play matchmaker. Alex thinks it’d be a disaster waiting to happen.

There is no Prince Ali who gives toys to sick kids in hospitals.

There is nothing as frivolous as videogame tournaments, so Max devotes all his spare time to his hobby of robotics and developing an AI… but developing an artificial intelligence is frowned upon. Luckily, Alya can keep a secret… that is, if Max is willing to spare some of his time to helping her havkninto the dark web to research conspiracy theories.

Wayhem is obseesed with Adrien, who can’t stand crazy fanatics and won’t lose any sleep if the Gorilla tackles the scrawny boy to the ground.

After much convincing, bullsh**ing, and bribes, Gabriel is able to host his derby hat design competition at Francois Dupont, (and hopefully, modelling his classmate’s creations will be a bonding point for Adrien to make a new friend) Rose sees it as an opportunity to tries to get Marc and Nathaniel to work with her to create a hat, hoping sparks will fly between them.

Even if Marinette WANTED to enter a stupid contest involving that spoiled, stuck-up Agreste boy, which she DOESN’T, her mother won’t allow it because sewing and doodling outfits is a distraction from her schoolwork.

Chloe still cheats.

But Shadybug discreetly sabotages the fashion show the winning hat is supposed to feature in.

Nathalie never became Gabriel’s assistant or even acquaintance. Instead, she is in charge of the department of the Louvre that archives and locks away all “banned” art and artifacts (aka anything related to Miraculous holders)

Alex thinks she’s creepy and hates how she coldly bosses around her dad.

Audrey is the same as ever, with the exception that she recognizes that her younger daughter Zoe has some talent, and wants Andre to find a movie part for her to play, and ignores Chloe’s bitter jealousy which causes her to lash out at others even nastier than in Ladybug and Cat Noir’s universe.

Nino is treated rudely and ignored by Adrien. Adrien would never agree to play a role in Nino’s movie and even accuses Nino of trying to use Adrien’s celebrity status to give himself an unfair advantage in the student movie competition.

Adrien doesn’t have time for stupid group projects or after school activities. But not because he has a full schedule since this Universe’s Gabriel is a decent father who does not demand perfection and give a 14 year old a burdensome schedule… It’s because outside of fencing and modeling, Adrien plans to spend his time planning out which sections of the city he’s going to take his anger out on that night.

Gabriel never forgot his roots as the son of a fry-cook, and occasionally tries to cook comfort food (NOT PANCAKES) for Adrien, who insists he’s not hungry or that junk is bad for his skin/weight, which has Gavriel worried about Adrien developing body dysphoria and eating disorders… These worries are put to rest when he finds out Adrien has suddenly developed a sweet tooth for baked goods. Therefore he has no qualms about his son frequenting the local bakery so often because a growing boy needs to eat and a treat is good for the spirit.

He wishes he could be more honest with Adrien, but he knows that it would destroy his son if he ever found out that the sickness that took his mother’s life was caused by his creation… He’s also not sure what kind of trauma Adrien would have to the fact he’s not human.

Gabriel also doesn’t want Adrien in danger. Gabriel wants to create a better world for his son to live in, a world where he and everyone else can be free! Where people can throve without stepping over others, and the poor don’t have to suffer. Where people have rights to love freely and express opinions without fear. A world where people help one another.

Gabriel would never use the rings to control Adrien, instead, he keeps them locked away in a safe, and plans to give them to Adrien someday when he is an adult and less likrly to misplace them because if they were to fall into the wrong hands, Gabriel shudders to think of what would become of Adrien.

Audrey still has a low key crush on Gabriel which makes him cringe but he still acts polite to keep up working relations, and he also pities his friend Andre, trapped in a one-sided marriage and bullied by his daughter and his wife.

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msweebyness · 6 months

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Miraculous Barbie: Princess Marinette & Socqueline the Pauper

Welcome to Part 3 of my Barbie movie adaption series, with Marinette and Socqueline in the lead this time! @artzychic27 @imsparky2002

“Live your dream.”

CAST:

Marinette Dupain-Cheng as Princess Annaliese

Socqueline Wang as Erika

Adrien Agreste as Julian

Jessica Keynes as King Dominick (but a Queen obviously)

Bob Roth as Preminger

Sabine Cheng as Queen Genevieve

Audrey Bourgeois as Madam Carp

Margo Jorgensen as Bertie

Louis Secousse as Nack

Xavier-Yves Roth as Nick

Tikki as Sarafina

Plagg as Wolfie

Kouki as Midas

Wayzz as Herve

And so our story begins…

Long ago, on a cold Winter’s day in a kingdom high on a mountaintop, something amazing happened. Two identical baby girls were born at the exact same moment!

The first, a baby princess, and the king and queen were overjoyed to welcome their precious new daughter, and Princess Marinette would have only the finest!

The second, Socqueline, was the daughter of two common paupers, who loved her every bit as much as the king and queen loved the princess. But due to their poverty, they worried greatly about how they could provide for their baby daughter.

Years went by, and Marinette would be taught her royal responsibilities, while Socqueline worked long, grueling hours as a seamstress for the cruel Madam Audrey Bourgeois. With such different lives, it was no surprise that their paths never crossed…until fate decreed differently.

It was the unfortunate truth that Marinette’s kingdom was on the brink of falling into destitution, for all the gold in the mines had run out! Greatly worried for her people, the now widowed Queen Sabine made the decision to betroth her daughter to the wealthy young queen of a nearby kingdom, Jessica.

On one fateful day, Marinette was preparing for the various events she had to attend throughout the day, wishing that for once in her life, she could just have a day to herself. At the same time, in the village, Socqueline works in the dress shop, alongside her friend, fellow seamstress Margo, dreaming of the day she can pay off the debts that keep her in Audrey’s service, and pursue her dream of being a singer.

As Marinette continues preparing for the day, she gazes wistfully out the window at her royal tutor and friend of many years, Adrien. If she could have her own choice, he would be the man she married. It’s then that she’s visited by her mother, bearing another engagement gift from Queen Jessica, which Marinette graciously accepts.

Miles away, in the royal mines, two young men, Louis and Xavier, are digging up the very last of the gold for their employer, as Louis berates Xavier for placing a ‘useless rock’ in the cart. (Which is revealed to actually be a precious geode as it cracks on the ground) They panic and try to hide when they hear their boss approaching, but Bob Roth, the queen’s ‘loyal’ advisor finds them anyway, accompanied by his pompous doberman, Kouki, and Louis presents him with the last of the mine’s gold.

Bob dramatically proclaims his plan for the gold, to marry the princess under the promise of using his funds to save the kingdom, thus becoming king. (Even his evil henchmen are a little eeked, because Bob is like 40, while Marinette just turned 18…) Bob becomes angry, however, when Louis reveals the queen’s plan for the princess to marry Queen Jessica, but quickly thinks of a way to circumvent this…setback.

He’ll have his henchman abduct the princess, claiming she ran away, just long enough for the wedding to be called off. Only then will he bring her back, and be promised her hand by the grateful queen! (Or so he thinks. Queen Sabine’s not going to marry her daughter off to a man her age, but Bob’s ego keeps him from realizing that.)

Back at the palace, Marinette’s beloved pet cat, Tikki, is being chased by Kouki through the palace, though she cleverly evades him by convincing him he lost his prized golden tooth. While this is happening, a carriage arrives from another kingdom, carrying the ambassador and a ‘page’ who is actually Queen Jessica in disguise, wanting to at least meet her bride before the wedding.

In Marinette’s quarters, Adrien visits the princess and she engages in their usual banter, informing him that some gold that was supposedly found on the borders of the kingdom is actually iron pyrite. She is confused when he refers to her as ‘your highness’, asking why the sudden formality. Adrien explains that Queen Sabine sent for her to meet the ambassador. ‘Page’ Jessica presents the Queen with another gift for the princess, while the ambassador inquires about a planned date for the wedding. Queen Sabine suggests a week from that day, which incites Bob to cry out in alarm, though he quickly covers himself.

Back in Marinette’s room, the princess stands on the balcony, gazing longingly beyond the walls, when Adrien approaches her. He invites her with him to see the village, and Marinette is thrilled to be out in her kingdom for the first time, accompanied by Tikki, and unbeknownst to them, Kouki… Adrien shows her around the village, even giving her her favorite flower, roses. As Adrien goes to fetch them some food, Marinette sees people boarding up their homes and shops, once again worrying greatly about the state of her kingdom. It’s then that she hears a beautiful voice singing, and goes to follow it…

Socqueline has managed to get away from the dress shop for a moment and is singing in the town square as she often would, her roguish cat Plagg (who barks and behaves like a dog!) is collecting coins in a can from the people who enjoy her singing. Shortly after Marinette arrives to hear her better, Madam Audrey shows up, confiscating the money Socqueline earned and ordering her to get back to work, deriding her dreams of singing.

As Socqueline gathers her things, someone drops a coin in her tin and compliments her song. She stands to thank them…and is shocked to find she seems to be looking back at her own face, absent a mirror. Marinette is equally stunned, and the two can only stare in awe. While this is happening, Tikki is sending flirting vibes to Plagg, and you know he’s picking up on that.

The two girls introduce themselves, Socqueline bowing respectfully as she realizes she is speaking to the princess. The two begin to talk and realize they’re actually quite a bit alike, unhappy in their current situations and wishing to escape them. They also discover the only real physical difference between them is that Socqueline doesn’t have a crown-shaped birthmark on her shoulder like Marinette does.

It’s at that moment that Adrien returns, stunned by the uncanny resemblance between the two girls. Unfortunately, Kouki also decides to make his appearance and begins to chase Tikki, with Plagg rushing over the rooftops to come to her aid. Kouki backs Tikki into a dead-end, only for Plagg to jump down in front of her and cause enough of a scene with his barking that Kouki runs off, Tikki knocking a bucket of rotten fish on his head in the process. Tikki then thanks Plagg for coming to her rescue, flirting a little in the process as their humans catch up to them.

Unfortunately, it’s at that moment Marinette must return to the palace, but not before she promises to have Socqueline come sing for the royal court one day, much to the other girl’s excitement.

Later that night at the palace, Tikki is lured from Marinette’s room as the princess is sleeping by a toy mouse, and captured in a crate. Awakened by her cat’s alarmed mewls, Marinette goes to investigate, calling for Tikki. Just as she locates and frees Tikki, she’s captured in a sack and taken away by Louis and Xavier!

In an isolated cottage deep in the forest, Marinette is locked in a back room while Tikki is thrown out into the dirt, much to her anger. It’s here that she meets Wayzz, a kind elderly horse. Marinette demands that she be released, but her cries fall on deaf ears. It’s then that Bob shows up, checking that they have Marinette and that she has no clue he’s involved. Now knowing Bob’s true nature, Wayzz assists Tikki in getting back into the house to help her princess, unfortunately through the dusty and dirty chimney.

Back at the palace, Queen Sabine goes to wake her daughter, accompanied by Bob, who ‘finds’ a note on the princess’ desk, informing the distraught queen that she has run away to escape her arranged marriage. Bob assures the queen he will send out search parties immediately. However, when they go to inform the ambassador, Adrien notices something strange about the note. It’s scented with lilac, when Marinette has only ever used rose to scent her stationary… Suspicious, he resolves to go look for Marinette himself.

He makes his way to Madam Audrey’s dress shop, and asks to speak to Socqueline. The seamstress is thrilled, believing Marinette sent for her to perform at the palace. Adrien manages to get her attention, and explains the dire situation, and that he needs Socqueline to act as Marinette until he can find the real one. Socqueline is incredibly apprehensive, knowing the trouble this could mean, but agrees to do it to help her new friend.

They make their way to the palace, where Adrien gives Socqueline a crash course in behaving as a princess should while Plagg enjoys their new housing situation. After a while, Socqueline begins to get the hang of things…and learns how Adrien really feels about the princess.

Just as the ambassador and his ‘page’ are about to leave, Adrien presents ‘Marinette’ before the court (taking the queen’s glasses so to further protect their secret), which alarms Bob. The ‘princess’ apologizes for running away, assuring it won’t happen again. With the wedding back on, the ambassador assures that the young queen will be there tomorrow to meet her bride and prepare for the wedding. In a huff, Bob excuses himself to go see to ‘preparations’, unknowingly shedding some pine needles, which Plagg picks up. He brings them to Adrien, who wonders what the queen’s advisor is doing in the western forest…but he can’t follow him just yet, as the queen wants to hear how he found her daughter.

Meanwhile, back at the cottage, Marinette tricks her two captors into opening the door by acting as if she is being attacked by a ‘ghost’ (Tikki under a bed sheet). Thankfully, Louis and Xavier are both dimwits and it works like a charm, the princess escaping the house and fleeing in Wayzz’s cart.

Adrien arrives in the forest, following Bob and ends up at the cottage as Louis is trying to cover up Marinette’s escape (with Xavier posing in bed as Marinette), which obviously fails. Bob wonders why Marinette wouldn’t tell her mother she was abducted and deduces something is off… Unfortunately, Adrien accidentally alerts them to his presence as he discovers Bob intends to become king, and is summarily captured.

Marinette arrives at the palace gates, but is turned away by the guards, who believe the princess is already inside, much to her confusion. She makes her way to the village, where she’s spotted by Audrey and dragged back to the dress shop. It’s here she meets Margo, and is outraged when Audrey insults the girl for not having her work done, calling her a ‘lazy cow’. Audrey laughs when Marinette identifies herself as the princess, claiming she knows the girl personally and calling her ‘Socqueline’, and realization dawns on Marinette. Thankfully, Margo does believe her! She assists Marinette in tying a message to Tikki’s collar with her insignia ring, and the cat slips out.

The next morning, Socqueline wakes up in the princess’s bed and is still getting used to behaving as a princess should. The maid draws a bath for her, and during this time, she hears Plagg trying to meow, in order to help them fit in better, but she assures her canine feline (through song) that he is perfect just the way he is! Queen Jessica happens to hear her singing, and makes the decision to reveal herself as the disguised page.

The next day, Bob escorts Socqueline to meet with Queen Jessica, to discuss plans for the wedding. There’s an obvious spark between the two, as they discover their mutual love for music, performing a duet together. The two spend the day together, a bond quickly forming, only increasing Socqueline’s guilt about her deception…

That night, Tikki finally makes it to the palace, but the one to find her is…Bob! He makes his way to the dress shop, and Marinette is relieved to see him, as he quickly hurries her away. Marinette’s relief quickly turns to horror when Bob imprisons her in the royal mines, where he’s also thrown Adrien! He reveals his plan is to now marry the queen instead of the princess, and leaves for the castle, collapsing the entrance to the mine to trap the two and Tikki, Wayzz watching on with guilt.

Back at the palace, Jess presents Socqueline with a beautiful ring to commemorate their blooming feelings and the engagement…just as Bob storms in and has guards apprehend Socqueline, exposing her as a fake by showing she doesn’t have the royal birthmark, devastating Queen Sabine. Bob claims she was in cahoots with Adrien to dispose of the princess and take over the kingdom, and shows them the ring he held onto as proof of Marinette’s ‘demise’ in the mines where she was held captive. As the queen grieves, Socqueline protests that she was only trying to help the princess, but is thrown in the dungeon, as Jess can only watch in shock, and Plagg quickly follows.

Back in the throneroom, Bob proposes to the queen to save the kingdom by offering to split his fortune (the stolen gold from the mines)…if she marries him. Reluctantly, Queen Sabine agrees to save her people from starvation and destitution.

Outside the dungeons, Wayzz locates Plagg and asks if he is the friend Tikki spoke of. He takes him to the mine, where Adrien is digging with a pickax to try and free himself and Marinette, and Marinette discovered the mine’s abundance of beautiful geodes. They confess their love for one another, and it’s then that Plagg is able to reach them by digging up an old mine shaft. Adrien continues digging, and accidentally opens a spring of water! Moving more rocks, the cave quickly begins to flood, and they ride the rising water up in an old mine cart.

Back in the dungeons, Socqueline lulls the guard to sleep with her singing, and is able to steal the key, freeing herself. But as she runs, she is grabbed by another guard, who is revealed to be Queen Jess in disguise! She doesn’t believe Socqueline to be the villain Bob made her out to be, and the two flee the dungeon just in time to meet up with Marinette and Adrien, and plan to stop the wedding.

In the palace courtyard, the wedding between Bob and the queen is beginning. But before they can say their ‘I do’s’, Marinette arrives, showing her birthmark as proof of her identity, overjoying Sabine. Marinette reveals Bob and his plans and Sabine calls for his arrest. Bob flees the guards on Wayzz, Adrien and Jess giving chase on their own horses, while Marinette and Socqueline apprehend Louis and Xavier. Tikki and Plagg confront Kouki, who loses his precious golden tooth ramming into a table when he charges at them, causing him to run off in despair.

Wayzz, fed up with Bob’s mistreatment, turns around and carries Bob right back to the guards, allowing him to be arrested…after he’s thrown into the wedding cake!

Marinette explains to her mother that Adrien is the one she wishes to marry, and Sabine wants her daughter to be happy, but knows they also must provide for their people. Thankfully, Marinette has a plan: the beautiful crystals in the geodes! With her heading the effort, a new jewelry industry blossoms, saving the kingdom from bankruptcy!

And as for Audrey, without the business from the castle, the cruel woman went out of business! And Margo opened up an even more successful dress and jewelry shop in her place!

Socqueline leaves the kingdom to pursue her dream of being a traveling singer, Marinette having paid off her debt to Audrey, but not before Jess gives her the ring back, which she accepts before she rides off to follow her heart.

Five years later, after Socqueline had traveled far and wide, she decides to return to the kingdom, reuniting with her friend the princess…and Marinette and Adrien had a beautiful joint wedding with Socqueline and Jess.

And they all lived happily ever after…along with Tikki and Plagg’s many, many, many kittens!

When you live your dream, you’ll find destiny is written in your heart! Leave your thoughts in the comments and reblogs, and keep an eye out for the next installment!

youtube

#miraculous ladybug #Miraculous Barbie #barbie as the princess and the pauper #marinette dupain cheng #socqueline wang #adrienette #socquejess #Youtube

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coq-courage · 1 year

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If you needed to be told, here it is, the following Miraculous Ladybug characters are queer:

Marc Anciel

Luka Couffaine

Juleka Couffaine

Anarka Couffaine

Jagged Stone

Penny Rolling

Lila Rossi

Kagami Tsurugi

Tomoe Tsurugi

Rose Lavillant

Nathaniel Kurtzberg

Chloe Bourgeois

Andre Bourgeois

Audrey Bourgeois

Zoe Lee

Butler Jean

Sabrina Raincomprix

Roger Raincomprix

Barbara Keynes

Olympia Hill

Jessica Keynes

Aeon

Harry Clown

Gabriel Agreste

Emilie Agreste nee Graham de Vanily

Nathalie Sancoeur

Amelie Graham de Vanily

Felix Fathom-Graham de Vanily

Adrien Agreste

Colt Fathom

The Gorilla

Fei Wu

Ivan Bruel

Mylene Haprele

Fred Haprele

Max Kante

Claudia Kante

Kim Le Chien-Ature

Nino Lahiffe

Theo Barbot

Aurore Beaureal

Mireille Caquet

Jean Duparc

Jessica Keynes

Alec Cataldi

Alim Kubdel

Alix Kubdel

Jalil Kubdel

Armand D'Argencourt

Anne-Jeanne Theoxanne du Bocquale (Dino lady)

Bob Roth

Xavier-Yves Roth (XY)

Caline Bustier

Camilla Hombee

Clara Contard (reporter)

Clara Nightingale (musician)

Denis Damocles

Didier Roustan

Wang Fu

Jean-Pierre Monlataing (art teacher)

Marianne Lenoir

Socqueline Wang

Alya Cesaire

Marlene Cesaire

Otis Cesaire

Alya Cesaire

Nora Cesaire

Penny Rolling

Sabine Cheng

Tom Dupain

Gina Dupain

Rolland Dupain

Shu Yin Cheng (sister to Sabine)

Yan Cheng

Mei Cheng

Marinette Dupain-Cheng

Uncle Wang Cheng

Simon Grimault (Simon Says)

Nadja Chamack

Thomas Astruc (the OC)

Xavier Ramier

Vincent Aza (stalker photographer)

Vincent (good photographer, mama's spaghetti)

Veronique (wax museum)

Andre Ice Cream Man

Jiao (Shanghai special)

Kang (shanghai)

Lian (shanghai)

Ms Mendeleiev

Ondine

Vivica (desperada)

Wayhem

Cash the guy that tricks Fei

Dean Gate (New York special)

Bustier’s Partner Seen Only In Season 5 Episode Collusion

Hot Dog Dan

Nora's Partner Seen Only In Season 5 Episode Transmission

Lila's Parents

Delmar (new York special)

Su-Han

Prince Ali

Mr. Banana

All unnamed characters

All characters with a name who I forgot

All named characters I straight up forgot to mention

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A note: I have purposefully excluded the children but not the characters based on IRL people.

The children are excluded because as in real life, they are constantly changing and are more prone to feeling judged by society if we try to bog them down with answering a question with a straight answer versus letting them vibe however they are.

The characters based on IRL people were included because the people they were based on may be queer, we just don't know, we also wont assume. Also because once a character is created, they belong to the public and the public will assign any headcanons to them regardless of what was intended or what is true.

---

Further note: if the point of this post flew past you, its that anyone can be queer, there are no signs, someone may be in closet.

You never know who around is queer, even if they seem to scream "I am not queer" there's always a chance they are, whether they know it or not

And if you as a person, decide to spout off your hatred of anything queer, because you think, "there's no way someone near me is queer", I want you to think again

Because there are many flavors of being queer

And all you're doing by being hateful, is ensuring that when you need help, no one will be around and no one will want to be around

#miraculous ladybug #ml headcanons #pride month #queer headcanons

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milarqui · 1 year

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Scarlet Lady: Troublemaker

Directory | Anansi

She was normally a busy woman, but today looked to be even busier than normal.

“Down, Fang! Uh, I need an assortment of macarons, please,” she told to the hotel worker that had come at her request.

“Oui, Mlle. Penny,” Armand replied, as she realized she was still talking on the phone.

“No, not you,” she apologized, “please confirm that red-eye flight–”

“Hey, I got the perfect way to market the new album!”

And, of course, she just couldn't relax at all, as Jagged's manager suddenly showed up out of the blue, not even bothering with a call.

“Bob, I don't think–” she tried to say, but Bob Roth, being what he was, ignored her.

She rushed back to the main room, knowing that a fight was about to take place.

“Seriously?! You want me on Rockstar Wants a Wife?! That show's the opposite of rock'n roll!”

“That's what sells, Jagged!”

Yeah, they were now throwing stuff at each other.

“I'll call you back,” she said, hanging up and running in before they broke something that ended up costing them even more bills from the hotel.

She grabbed Jagged before he could throw a football at Bob,

“Jagged, what about–” and she told him the idea that had just sprung in her mind, from one of the shows she had watched last week. His demeanor instantly changed, and he dropped the ball to hug her.

“Such a rock'n roll idea!” he said, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “You're the best Penny!”

She loved it whenever he got like this, all happy and romantic and–

“Ugh, don't be saps right in front of me.”

And that was when she was reminded what she hated of Bob Roth.

----

She was normally a busy young lady, but today looked to be even busier than normal.

“C'mon, Manon, give it back! The deadline's tomorrow and I still have homework to do!” she begged.

The little girl, who clearly didn't understand the concept of being good for once, just laughed as she jumped around her room, wearing the hat she had been crafting.

“You look stressed, My Queen,” Pollen whispered from her hideyhole in her hair.

“I got double booked again!” she complained. “I've become so scatterbrained since taking on more as Marigold.”

And it had been a mess ever since. Between collège work, her class president duties, designing, helping at the bakery, babysitting, and now heroism, she barely even had the time to plan out how to do everything else!

Just then, her cellphone rang, and she briefly stopped her attempts to corner Manon to check.

“Huh?” The image on the phone was completely unexpected. “O-Oh my God, it's Jagged Stone's manager!”

As she picked up, she took advantage of Manon's distraction to finally grab the hat off the girl's head.

“Marinette! Phone!” Manon begged, but she ignored it.

“H-Hello?”

“Marinette?”

“Yes!”

“It's me, Penny Rolling!”

“Hi, Mlle. Penny!”

“Look, can you ask your parents something?”

“Huh?”

“I need to know if they want to show up in a TV show with Jagged.”

“A TV show?”

----

“Welcome to 'Fill My Shoes'! With our guest, the one and only, Jagged Stone!”

“Rock'n roll!” the rockstar exclaimed.

“Filling the shoes... of a baker!”

It hadn't taken Penny much to convince Tom and Sabine to allow the program to film (live, much like every other TVi program) on their bakery, and right now Tom was taking charge of showing how things were run in there, while Sabine brought out a platter full of croissants for the people coming for the program.

“Would you like a hot croissant?” she asked.

Bob Roth picked one and ignored the baker, not even bothering to thank her.

The cameraman just ignored her.

“Rude bunch, aren't they?” Sabine asked her daughter, who had decided this was the perfect occasion to wear her best uniform.

“C'mon, Maman, they're just busy,” Marinette mollified her. “Just think of what this'll do for the bakery!”

The iron grip of Sabine Cheng's right hand quickly held around Marinette's cheeks and jaw.

“It's rude to turn down hot food from your hostess!” she irately replied.

“Y-Yes, 媽媽,” Marinette mumbled back.

Meanwhile, Jagged Stone had picked up a large baguette, a croissant and a pair of other things from the counter and was holding them together in a particular form.

“Check out my edible guitar!” he joked, as he mimicked playing an electric guitar, singing. “Flour~! Eggs and butter~!”

Penny – who was holding onto Fang – laughed, causing the Cheng ladies to turn to her.

“Seems like working with Jagged Stone is fun,” Sabine noted, and Penny nodded.

“He's wonderful!” the aide replied, her cheeks blushing. “Never a dull moment, such creative ideas, always thinking of his fans, always pays his child support in time–”

“Wait, Jagged has kids–?”

“You didn't hear that,” Penny said, her demeanor now rock solid and calm, as she moved the pages on her clipboard until she found something she showed the women. “Also please sign this NDA.”

----

As Adrien sat down, table with cheese for his Kwami companion ready, said Kwami companion turned to him.

“There's no cheese on this show, why are you watching it?” Plagg asked through the Camembert piece he was already inhaling.

“They're filming at Marinette's place!” Adrien replied, just as the camera turned to look precisely at the girl he liked so much.

“Yo, Marinette, my favorite little lady! Get on stage with us!” Jagged Stone said to a surprised Marinette, who looked somewhat uncomfortable as she waved back.

“Uh?! Oh, heheh!” she awkwardly said as Mme. Cheng encouraged her to step forward.

“Marinette's really talented, you know! She made the cover of my last album!” the singer declared, while Adrien just drank in the wonderful, wonderful appearance of his friend-slash-crush-slash-love-of-his-life.

“Omigod, her widdle uniform!”

----

“Impressive! A family of artists!” Alec Cataldi declared.

“Tch!” Chloé grumbled, clearly not getting what she wanted once more.

For a moment, it looked like she might, when Marinette accidentally threw a bag of flour at Jagged Stone's head... but then the rock'n'roll singer smiled.

“Hey, look! I'm a ghost! Rock'n boo!” Jagged said, and then he tackled Alec, who was smiling as well.

“We'll be back after the break.”

“BOO!” Jagged said again as the transmission turned to commercials.

“Ugh, I only wanted to watch this dumb show to see Dupain-Cheng mess up, not to hear her praises!” Chloé complained, as was her wont whenever she didn't get what she wanted.

“But Chloé, don't you remember?” Tikki said, eager to needle her bearer.

“What?”

“It's thanks to you that Jagged Stone even met Marinette!”

Chloé immediately put her hands to her face as she tried to forget how she had helped the person she most hated in the world.

“Nooooo! Don't remind me!”

----

Back at the Dupain-Cheng bakery, Penny managed to impose some sort of order and pulled a whistling Jagged away from Alec.

“Where's the bathroom?” Penny asked Marinette, who pointed to the stairs.

“Upstairs!”

“Merci!” she replied, leading her charge.

However, they didn't notice that they were going too far upstairs until they reached a place that was very clearly not a bathroom.

“Uhh, I think we went too far up,” Penny said, as they looked around the place they had arrived. Jagged, however, had other things in mind.

“This must be her bedroom! Cool!” he said, as he started to check things.

“Oh, a sink!” Penny noted, taking the rag she had been loaned by Marinette's mother and wetting it before brushing off the flour off Jagged's hair.

“Penny, look! Marinette's seriously talented!” Jagged stated, looking at what was clearly a set of designs made by Marinette.

“U-huh.” Penny felt awkward, as she realized they were intruding into Marinette's personal space, which was something they really shouldn't be doing.

Jagged did not have the same epiphany, however,

“This one would look great on you!”

“Focus on getting back to set!”

Unfortunately for everyone involved into the matter, other people had different ideas in mind.

“Returning live with Jagged Stone 'Filling the Shoes' of a baker!” Alec declared, followed by the camera crew as they also entered Marinette's room in total disregard of her intimacy. “Let's see if our rockstar got rid of his flour!”

Before she could tell them off for it, though, Jagged played it off for the cameras and pointed at one of the walls.

“Hey, there's more pics of Chat Noir than me!” he joked. “Marinette, you got a thing for Paris' coolest cat?”

----

Back in the Agreste Mansion, one Adrien Agreste had something to say to that.

“YES!”

----

Back at the Dupain-Cheng's home, one Marinette Dupain-Cheng had a very different opinion of the matter.

“NO!” she shouted, embarrassed that her room was being bared to the entire world.

----

Back again at the Agreste Mansion, in a secret underground floor, Paris' supervillain gasped.

Then, Hawkmoth realized something.

“Wait, why am I gasping, I already knew that.”

----

“GET OUT OF MY ROOM!” Marinette yelled with the righteous fury of someone who had seen her intimacy violated in such a way.

Particularly when she was seeing Alec Cataldi picking and wearing the half-finished hat she had been working on earlier, as if it were in the wardrobe of his studio instead of someone else's room.

“Hey, Marinette! Want me to sign my poster?” Jagged, who once more showed a lack of ability to read the room, asked.

“I WANT YOU OUT!” Marinette yelled again, turning to the camera crew. “AND YOU! STOP FILMING! What is WRONG with you?!”

----

“Penny, do something!”

Oblivious to (or, more likely, interested in seeing) Marinette's distress, Chloé just munched on popcorn.

----

“You all heard the lady–!” Penny declared as she pushed Bob Roth away, but in process someone pulled on the cord connecting the camera to the transmission equipment.

“Penny, you cut the feed!” Alec admonished her.

“Uh–”

“Wait, get out first!” Marinette demanded as she opened her trapdoor again.

“Penny, give me the cord!”

“ACHOO!” Jagged sneezed. “Penny, I need a tissue!”

“C'mon, we're live!”

“PLEASE LEAVE ALREADY!”

“ACHOO!”

It felt like a pressure cooker in the room.

Something had to give.

And this time...

“EVERYBODY, SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

… it was the overwhelmed Penny.

Everybody silently filed down, out of Marinette's room, and as she closed the trapdoor Bob Roth chose to make his personality shine once more.

“What do we do now?” he asked, unconcerned.

“Film in the bakery, like you're supposed to!” Penny yelled as she opened the closest door, pen in the other hand. “Try to survive for five minutes.”

And, entering what appeared to be a library room, she slammed the door, collapsing on the ground with a long, stressed sigh, as she attempted to regain control over herself.

----

“Oh, bless up. I don't have to akumatize the girl,” Hawkmoth said as he commanded the butterfly to go for the older woman. “That's just begging for Chat Noir to show up at my door.”

----

Pollen carefully approached her Queen, who was shrunk against the wall, shaking from both anger and shame.

“My Queen, let's just talk it out, okay?” she gently said.

“They showed my Chat Noir photos, my half-finished dresses, and my month-old designs!” It didn't look like she was ready to 'talk it out'. “My fashion career is ruined! I should've burned those old designs!”

“That's simply not true!” Pollen said. Her Queen shouldn't have to destroy such wonderful things! “Jagged Stone loved them!”

“If Chat Noir sees, he'll know I'm in love with him!”

“You think so?” she asked, not sure of what was wrong with that.

----

Plagg had had many types of bearers. Some good, some bad. And sometimes just a bit irritating.

And Adrien, who was normally the best, now was approaching that last category.

“Should I go see her?! No, no, it's too soon. I should order roses! Should I get red this time?!”

“Ugh.”

Seriously, why did his kittens have to become lovesick?

----

As soon as the crew and guest went back downstairs, Bob Roth found himself under the glares of the bakery's owners, but he couldn't care less about them.

“Alright, back to work!” he ordered.

“No! We want to stop!” Tom Dupain replied.

“WHAT?!”

“We agreed to film in the bakery, not in our private home!” Sabine Cheng said, full of righteous anger. “And now you've upset our daughter! Completely unacceptable!”

“The ratings are blowing up, we're not stopping now!” Roth replied, unconcerned by the legitimate demand.

As an answer, Sabine picked up the bakery shovel and glared at the manager.

“YOU WANT TO START SOMETHING, M. BOB?!” she challenged, all too ready to go medieval on the unscrupulous man.

“Huh?” Said man was clearly unaware of the danger about to be unleashed on his person.

“I DEMAND YOU APOLOGIZE!”

However, before Bob Roth could actually awaken to the fact he was about to have a close encounter with the wooden implement, the outside doors were locked up.

“Ah, the doors!” Tom shouted, having easily recognized the beeping sound.

“You could've told us the bakery was haunted!” Bob Roth begged, sweating out of his brow.

“Uh, it's not!” Tom replied – only for one of their flour bags to start flying around covering everything in white dust.

“Ahh!” Sabine shouted in shock.

“What is happening?!”

And, with no warning, the answer showed up right behind Jagged Stone, in the form of a woman with a long mohawk, heavily painted-on face, and a total lack of damns to give about anything.

“Hey.”

“WAAAAAHH!” the singer screamed. Then again, the man had a reason for it – the Akuma had not even had the decency to warn him!

“There's no more Penny to solve your problems, Jagged! The untouchable Troublemaker will make sure you have nothing but problems!” the Akuma declared, clicking on her pen twice.

----

“Poor Penny was so busy trying to save everyone that she became a target for Hawkmoth!” Pollen noted, worried about the gentle woman.

“Good thing I'm here to save her!” Marinette stated. “Buzz On!”

----

“Oh! Look! Akuma at the bakery! Gotta go!” Adrien exclaimed, while Plagg rolled his eyes.

“I can tell you're real choked up about it,” he remarked.

----

“C'moon, Chloé, let's goooo!” poor Tikki said, pushing Chloé to stand up.

“Ughhhh.”

Chloé wasn't exactly interested in moving from her seat.

----

It only took Chat Noir a few minutes to reach his goal, Tom & Sabine's Boulangerie, aided by his memorizing of the best way between his home and Marinette's home, and acrobatically landed right on the red carpet that had been laid down for the program.

“Hi everyone!” he greeted Mme. Chamack and those who had already arrived to check what was going on. “Stand aside, this'll be a piece of cake–”

“Or you could try the door!” he heard his partner exclaim, and as he looked up, he saw her standing near the terrace Marinette liked to use.

“Marigold!”

“H–Hey, Chaton!”

He reached her in just the two jumps, and smiled, noticing that she looked a bit nervous.

“You sure got here fast!” he commented, deciding that it probably was nothing.

“O–Oh, you too!” Marigold replied, and he realized what was happening.

“You must've been watching the show too!”

----

Marigold turned so Chat Noir couldn't see her distraught face.

NOOOO! He saw it!

Why couldn't he have been watching sports or cartoons?

Regardless of her desire to just let the earth swallow her up, they had to deal with the Akuma, so she opened the window and led Chat Noir into her bedroom. Which, unfortunately, brought him next to the reason for her embarrassment.

“Wow, I didn't notice the photos of me the last time we were here!”

Why can't you keep not noticing? she wondered, really hoping that the Akuma would show up and allow herself to be dealt with fast.

She quickly got half of her wish, as Troublemaker came through the floor and threw a cushion at her, which she just barely dodged.

“HA!”

“AH!”

“Look here!” Chat Noir exclaimed... grabbing a photograph. “Hey, what do you think this means, huh? All these pictures–”

While he looked super-adorable with his cheeks blushing and wide-open eyes, Marigold knew that this was not the moment for this, so she just put a hand over his mouth.

“I think you should pay attention!”

As Chat Noir gingerly dropped the photo he had picked up, Marigold pulled out her top and swung it at Troublemaker, who clicked her pen.

And, much to her shock, the top went through her and hit the wall before bouncing back.

“She goes intangible!” Chat Noir realized. “So troublesome!”

“Vanisher knock-off!” Marigold shouted, pulling the top back towards her.

“Touch me if you can. Bye~” Troublemaker taunted them, before falling through the floor and out of their sight.

“The Akuma's in her pen!” It was the most obvious solution, given how she kept clicking it, turning her intangibility on and off.

“Fat load of good it does us without Scar!” Chat Noir complained.

“Where is she?!”

----

“Can I get five more of these blonde bitches?” Scarlet Lady said, showing the small popsicle made resembling her, but in a cartoony style. As expected, they were the best ones of the lot!

----

As both of them tried to keep an eye on where Troublemaker might come from, Chat Noir noticed something coming from behind Marigold, and turned to see the Akuma getting her hands close to the Bee Comb.

“Look out!” he yelled, swinging his staff at her. “Swiper, no swiping!”

Marigold tripped trying to dodge, but at the same time it forced Troublemaker to back off from her.

“Grrr,” the Akuma growled, clicking her pen again and falling through the floor again.

“T–Thanks, Chaton!”

“Careful, Goldie, you've got the easiest to remove Miraculous!” Chat Noir warned her, giving out a chuckle. “Maybe you should glue it down.”

Marigold felt the epiphany coming, and picked him by his face, sparkling.

“Chat Noir, you're a genius!”

“Wha, what'd I say?”

----

Marigold quickly explained her idea, and picked up a bottle of heavy-duty glue she normally used for holding stuff together in her practice designs, asking Chat Noir to help her cover her comb with it.

Just in time, though, as Troublemaker dropped from the ceiling on top of Marigold.

“Hahaha!”

“AH!” Marigold screamed in shock.

“Good Lord!” Chat Noir joined, just as Troublemaker fell on Marinette and trapped her against the floor.

But, when the Akuma went on to pull the comb away, she found that she couldn't force it.

“Huh–?! What?! Why won't this budge?!” she exclaimed, tugging the magical comb without success.

“Looks like you're stuck,” Marigold said with an impish grin, before readying her weapon. “Venom~”

“NO–!”

But it was too late: Troublemaker had been too slow to react, and the paralyzing effects of Marigold's power had quickly taken a hold of her. Chat Noir grabbed the Akumatized object.

“Everything goes smoothly when I stick with you, Honeybee,” he said, smiling.

Marigold was not smiling, though.

“Help, I glued it to my hair tie, I can't move!”

Helping his partner stand up – even with dealing with the dead weight of Troublemaker – he pulled his staff again.

“Alright, let's see what's keeping the royal pain,” he said, calling Scar.

Immediately, both of them heard a very familiar music tone right above them.

Chat Noir marched off to the trapdoor that led to the terrace, and slammed it open – to see Scar laying down on Marinette's chaise-lounge without a care for the world.

His temper frayed up quickly.

“HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE?!”

“WAH–!”

----

Fortunately, it only took a push for Chat Noir to force Scarlet into the bedroom (even if Marigold would rather keep her at least one kilometer away from there) and then a move to snap the pen, freeing the Akuma and allowing Scarlet to fix everything up.

As Penny woke up and realized where she was, she looked up to them.

“W–What happened? Where's Jagged?” she asked, and Marigold smiled at her.

“Stuff Jagged,” she replied. “How are you?”

“I... I let myself get stretched too thin. I took on too much,” the young woman realized. “I should remember to look after myself too. I'm fine now.”

“I'm a pro at self-care,” Scarlet declared. “Just buy yourself a diamond phone case! You'll feel better.”

“Uhh...” Penny mumbled, unable to understand where the girl was coming from.

As for Marigold, she figured it explained so much about Scarlet's attitude.

----

As they sent Penny downstairs, the heroes came out to the terrace and gazed upon Paris after saving the day once more (well, at least two thirds of them did).

And one of them looked up to the sky, thinking over the previous conversation.

“Stretched too thin, huh...” Marigold mumbled.

“You say something?” Chat Noir asked, and she shook her head.

“Oh, no, nothing,” she answered.

“Hm.” Then he took on a quizzical look. “I hope Marinette is okay.”

“EEP!”

“I wonder where she went.”

“Probably in a hole, dying of embarrassment! Ha Ha ha!” Scarlet laughed, and Marigold had to hold back her rising murderous intentions.

I'd rip your Earrings off if there weren't reporters nearby, she ruthlessly thought.

----

By the time Penny came back to the bakery, everything was fixed up, everyone was calming down, and Bob Roth looked as unconcerned with what he had indirectly caused as with everything else.

“U–Um, hello everyone,” she said.

“PENNY!” Jagged Stone shouted, quickly walking up to his aide. “I'm so glad you're back to normal! I'm sorry I didn't notice I was driving you so hard.”

The worry and sorrow in his voice were sincere, so much that Penny knew the man(-child) in front of here was being truthful in his apology, so she thought she could forgive him.

“Jagged...”

Jagged pulled her between his arms, hugging her with strength and care, as he spoke into her ear.

“I'll look out for you like you look out for me,” he promised, and she basked into the feeling as she nodded.

“Mm.”

“Also, the mohawk was hawt.”

Good feelings gone.

“I am not shaving my head for you.”

“Damn.”

----

With the TV crew finally on their way out (and some copious buying of produce as apology for the chaos they had caused) the Dupain-Cheng family was finally left alone to deal with the aftermath.

Which was when Marinette decided she needed to bring out the thing that had been on her mind since Penny's comment.

“Maman, Papa, I need to talk to you about something,” she said, fidgeting in place.

“Okay...?” Papa asked, confused.

“I... I...” she stumbled, but then she took a deep breath. “I need you to ask before volunteering me to babysit! And I can't drop everything to help in the bakery! I–I mean, I'll still help out, I just need notice! With Jagged promoting me, I've gotten real busy, on top of being class pres–”

“Okay,” Papa replied.

“Huh?!” she said, her tirade breaking in the middle, much to her confusion.

“Sure, no problem,” Maman added.

“Seriously?! It was that easy?!”

----

Now that they were back at home, Plagg was attacking a piece of cheese with his usual enthusiasm, while Adrien just laid down on his couch, taking a break after the recent crisis.

“Not gonna visit your lady love?” Plagg teased him, but he knew not to fall for that bait.

“After everything, I don't want to overwhelm her. And I thought more about it...” he replied, smiling at the thought of the girl he loved. “If it were me, that's not how I'd want Marinette to learn I'm in love with her. She should confess the way she wants to.”

Just as his phone dinged with a message, he heard Plagg chuckle.

“Pretty presumptuous, aren't you.”

“IF! If she's in love with me!” he corrected himself, embarrassed, before checking his cellphone. “Huh, a message from Alya...?”

----

The next day, Marinette carefully snuck around the school, because she really didn't want to deal with her friends' reaction to the previous day's events.

The fact that she had come much earlier than usual helped.

“Thank God no one's here,” she whispered as she reached her locker.

“Hey, Marinette.”

“AHHH!” she screamed, lamenting that she had been proven wrong so quickly. “How do you do that?!”

Much worse, Adrien ignored the question.

“So...”

“Don't,” she warned him.

“Um–”

“Do not.”

“... about the photos.”

“AHHH!” she shouted, covering her ears and turning around so Adrien wouldn't see her blush. “You said it!”

Adrien patiently waited for her to calm down, and when she did, she decided she needed to keep him from getting ideas.

“It's not what you think, okay?! I... I'm not in love with Chat Noir!”

“HRK!” she heard Adrien squeak, even as she dealt with the fact that she had just dropped a big fat lie.

“Besides, it's too dangerous to be with a superhero while supervillains are still around,” she explained. “So, Chat Noir and I are just...”

She couldn't say it.

“He's just...”

She tried to force it out.

“He's just a frie– HRK!”

Oh, great, now she had blood coming out of her mouth.

----

Meanwhile, Adrien was having something else in mind, linked to his highly developed list of priorities.

I HAVE TO DEFEAT HAWKMOTH A.S.A.P!

----

Their moment was interrupted by the usual suspect.

“Wow, gutsy of you to show your face, Dupain-Cheng!” Chloé yelled. “If I just showed all of Paris I had the world's biggest crush on the world's biggest loser, I wouldn't leave my room until I was 50!”

“Ugh,” Marinette growled, wishing she could just throw a flour sack on her face.

“The only loser here is you, Chloé,” Alya declared as she arrived on scene.

“Ridiculous!” Chloé shouted, but Marinette didn't care, not when she saw what her friends were doing.

“Chat Noir is dead even with Scarlet Lady in the popularity polls,” Alya added, leading the class in wearing Chat Noir-themed clothes and accessories.

“WHAT?!” Chloé yelled again, completely unable to comprehend that people liked the true hero of Paris above that lazy glory hog.

“Y–You guys, what–?” Marinette asked, but Alya interrupted.

“WHAAAAT? We're just showing our Chat Noir love, same as you!”

Then she leaned to whisper in her ear.

“I convinced most of them it's just a celebrity crush and the rest are covering for you,” she said. “This'll get people off your back!”

She straightened up again, and put a hand to her cheek.

“The poor Kit-Kat doesn't get the recognition he deserves, doncha think?”

Marinette felt like crying. Her best friend was so wonderful!

“Oh, Alya!” she exclaimed.

“You're right, he doesn't!” Adrien exclaimed... also crying.

“Why are you so emotional?” Alya asked, confused.

----

As everyone else filed into the room, Alya pulled Adrien aside to check on something very important.

“Adrien, my dude, my guy, my spot of sunshine.”

“Y–Yes?” Good, he knew he was in trouble.

“You were supposed to wear Chat Noir stuff in solidarity. Did you understand the assignment?”

“Now, see, I have a very good explanation for that.”

“Mhm?” It better be a good explanation. Or else.

“My dad is Gabriel Agreste.”

“... ah.”

Alright, he gets a pass.

----

Intermission 2

@zoe-oneesama Here's to someone making enough trouble for Gabriel Agreste to ruin his plans!

Also: 420 pages, 167435 words, 902000 characters.

#scarlet lady the novel #fanfiction #milarqui #long post #marinette dupain cheng #marigold #adrien agreste #chat noir #penny rolling #troublemaker #adrinette #chatgold

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princess-of-the-corner · 1 year

Note

You know that scene from airplane where there's just a line of people moving with weapons to kill someone? Yeah, by the end of Bitchcock, thats gonna be the entirety of Paris towards Audrey, everyone, Andre, roger, tom and Sabine, anarka, Mr ramier, miss bustier, jagged stone, XY, he probably bought a nine iron in advance, fuck bob Roth, other Andre, everyone, the line is huge

YEAH

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cspasfan15 · 3 months

Text

Radix Nationals Predictions

Mini

Top 30: Asha Lee, cadence zuehlke, prestige ball, xiamya reed, Collette Stutzman, Elliana Cain, Liv Matson, Everly Hafey, Ricki Dixon, Melissa Kerr, Lillian Simonton, Ellie Flory, Arianna Claxton

Top 15: Abby Rodriguez, Mila Hiatt, Gemma holmes, brielle arias, kenly carver, Katie Carlson, Sofia Cuevas, Kennedy truax, Zoey Martinez, aliya rothe, Chloe todman

Top 6: Stella Brinkerhoff, mikayla isler, Payton jetson, aspen Brandt, Charlotte rathjen, melina biltz, mila renae

(I put seven because not sure if Stella is competing)

Junior

Top 30: Aracely Lee, Lyla norby, Rissa Laguana, khloe kwon, braydon Ziegler, Ella Carlson, addilyn Sullivan, aria bongiorno, Kate matthews, patience Hughes, Talia mempin, Zoey claxton, alivya neeriemer, violet mcguire

Top 15: piper Perusse, Francesca Jen, melania khait, Brooklyn ward, sarahi Lopez-prieto, tayah klimuck, devyn scherff, greta Wagner, Tabitha nan, skyla lucena

Top 6: Kennedy Anderson, Emily polis, brynn jones, mika takase, addyson paul (used to have camila but need to update now)

Teen

Top 30: Maddie De Dios, teegan moylan, madyson Likovic, Isabella Pham, Annie Carlson, Kylee ngo, Vanessa soto, Ellie Brunson, Jackson rueckert, sky auerbach, Cade kaiser, Halle hunt, Allison Shin, Natalie Galla, Jonah Gardner, Skylah tsang

Top 15: Emmy Claire kaiden, Sloane Dawson, gave Davis, Leighton curry, Lexi Godwin, Alexis Mayer, Sophia schiano, Zachary Gibson, Paige dimos

Top 6: Coltrane vodicka, Riley Ziegler, kinsley oykhman, Georgia Beth Peters, Caitlyn Polis, Aaliyah Dixon

Senior

Top 30: Rosendo Arechiga, lily godwin, Louise hindsbo, Kylee Amoroso-Kawamoto, Camryn lanigan, Madison polis, lily roundtree, jordyn Cocozello, Molly Johnson, Alexis Olson, grace McKinley, Eva Chapelle, Piper Cann, Kendall Birnbaum, Olivia Pinon, Isabella Gomez, Darbye Simpson, Georgi Arnold

Top 15: Alexis Ahn, kaylinn Rees, Madison marshall, Alexis Schuller, lily Goehring, Logan Marumoto-Kaleimamahu, Audrey La France, T Amari, Aaliyah Landreaux, Kaitlyn Allen

Top 6: Angelika Edejer, Jordyn Green, Kenzie Jones, Sabine Nehls, Vadriana Romero, Iliana Victor

#radix nationals

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amandacastroworld · 1 year

Text

The Miraculous Job 2 Nutty by kwamis

Heroes:

Adrien Agreste as Surly

Marinette Dupain-Cheng as Andie

Alya Césaire as Jamie

Mylène Haprèle as Precious

Nino Lahiffe as Buddy

Ivan Bruel as Mole

Nathaniel Kurtzberg and Marc Anciel as Jimmy and Johnny

Félix Fathom as Mr. Feng

Didier Roustan, Harry Clown, Marianne Lenoir, Clara Nightingale, Jagged Stone, Penny Rolling, Emilie Agreste, Amelie Graham de Vanily, André Bourgeois, Nathalie Sancoeur, André, Alec Cataldi, Xavier Ramier, Gisèle, Tom Dupain, Gabriel Agreste/Parallel Universe, Wang Fu, Su-Han, Fred Haprèle, Sabine Cheng, Denis Damocles, Placide I.T., Caline Bustier, Olga Mendeleiev, and Bertrand King as Mouse Henchmen

Max Kanté as Frankie

Roger Raincomprix as Police Officer

Marinette's Friends: Luka Couffaine, Kagami Tsurugi, Alix Kubdel, Lê Chiến Kim, Zoé Lee, Rose Lavillant, Juleka Couffaine, Sabrina Raincomprix, Mireille Caquet, Alya Césaire/Parallel Universe, Aurore Beauréal, Aeon, Ali, Nino Lahiffe/Parallel Universe, Delmar, Ondine, Fei Wu, Socqueline Wang, Jessica Keynes, Vivica, Wayhem, Chris Lahiffe, Manon Chamack, Ella and Etta Césaire, Paw Noir, Gabriel Agreste/Parallel Universe, August, Reverse Ladybug and Students as Park Animals

Villains:

Bob Roth as Mayor Muldoon

Tomoe Tsurugi and Lilas Rossis : as Animal Control Officers

Chloé Bourgeois as Heather Muldoon

Lila Rossi as Gunther

#the nut job 2 #miraculous #parody

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namixart · 2 years

Text

Some miscellaneous Distant Worlds thoughts and highlights!

I spent the entire concert either crying, grinning, getting goosebumps, or all three. 12/10

The Rebel Army Theme from FFII during the I-III 2002 Medley BANGS SEVERELY with a live orchestra, holy shit.

The screen was playing scenes from the games and for FFI it was literally either overworld walking or random battles lmao.

The "Spoony Bard" moment from FFIV and Sabin suplexing a train in FFVI both appeared and that makes me happy. Glad to see that memes endure.

The Chocobo Theme part of the I-III medley is distilled joy. It was SO bouncy and fun!

Arnie Roth (the conductor) is really fun I love him. He just gave me good vibes.

The first half of the concert concluded with a brand new battle medley for FFI-VI and it BANGS. The arrangement for the FFIV battle theme is super chill and I'm in love. And then the FFVI part hits and it hits HARD.

They showed FFVIICC Reunion, FFXVI, and Stranger of Paradise trailers during the intermission, but nothing really new.

The second half of the concert opened with FFVIII's Liberi Fatali. I'd realised it was coming because the choir was suddenly there and I'd spotted it in the booklet, but not everyone knew, so the whole hall was like "Ooohh" when the choir started singing. A lot of people also forgot that the song doesn't end on the big note but has a bit of a resolution after and so they started clapping early haha.

While the first half of the concert was either chronological or did medleys, the second half had Roth introduce every segment like "And now, a fan-favourite song from FFVII-X. But first, a DIFFERENT song from another game!"

"Okay, now we're gonna play a classic, Aerith's theme! [cheers] Yeah yeah I know, we're all excited for Remake part 2. Where is it, Square? Anyway, Aerith's theme. But first, Ragnarok, from FFXI!" Tease.

The scenes for Aerith's theme played like a tribute to her and included so many Clerith scenes too, on top of her death scene. Tears.

Rikki, the original vocalist for FFX, sang Suteki Da Ne and I think I've unlocked something spiritually.

Yoko Shimomura was there, and I'd known this in advance, but I hadn't expected to get so emotional about it. Obviously she was there as the composer of FFXV, but she's had such a huge role in my childhood as the composer of Kingdom Hearts that every time I remembered she was actually there, like, in the same room as me and I could see her from my seat, I teared up something awful. Thank you, Ms Shimomura, thank you so much.

They did a fake-out after the Main Theme of Final Fantasy. It was the last *named* song on the programme and they showed the credits, but there were two more songs marked with question marks in the tour booklet, so I knew it wasn't over. Roth left the stage for ten seconds and came back for To Zanarkand.

Obviously, live orchestra To Zanarkand is a religious experience.

After that, the choir stood up and I was chanting "One-Winged Angel One-Winged Angel One-Winged Angel" under my breath. And then it WAS and all the lights went red on the first note literally iconic 15/10 this is what One-Winged Angel deserves.

I *bawled* during the entirety of Not Alone and To Zanarkand, and had to try very hard not to make a sound.

During To Zanarkand, the screen showed a scene of Tidus crying and I was like yeah buddy me too.

As it turned out, I was sliiiightly overdressed in a nice dress and heels in a sea of people wearing merch t-shirts and hoodies. They were correct though, I am INTENSELY jealous of every single piece of merch I saw. But there WAS someone else dressed to the nines, as I spotted a full Remake Wall Market Red Dress Aerith. I also saw one Remake Wall Market Sporty Tifa and two closet cosplay Aeriths, as well as someone wearing Cloud's AC outfit and someone in a Zack wig. There were also a lot of people in what I assume were FFXIV cosplays, but I wouldn't know better haha.

Again, just the experience of being there, together with so many people who have something in common with you, was overwhelming. I guess it's something similar to being at a normal concert, or a big sports event, but the big difference here is that we weren't there *just* for the music for its own sake. We're all fans of the *stories* that the music helps to tell, and that's really special if you ask me.

I bought the FFVIIR Orchestral Arrangement CD (a stupid purchase, as I don't own a CD player, but it gave me so much serotonin), the concert t-shirt, and the tour booklet with interviews and insights. A minute of silence for the Tonberry, Cactuar, Chocobo, and Moogle plushies that I had to leave behind because they wouldn't fit inside my luggage.

While I was in Victoria Coach Station, four whole hours early for my bus (rough day and night), I poured through the tour booklet and I was moved to tears again. These people all put so much love and care into the songs and the concert, and I couldn't be more thankful for all of them.

Also, Distant Worlds Coral is a pun. 35 (as in, 35th anniversary) in Japanese is read "san, go," and "sango" means "coral." Also a play on "choral" music. Everyone here is a dweeb oh my god.

Before the concert, a friend of mine asked me which songs I was expecting to make me cry. While I was wrong in that *every song* made me cry, the only songs on my list that didn't happen were Terra's Theme and the Main Theme of FFVII. Aerith's Theme, Not Alone, To Zanarkand, Main Theme of Final Fantasy, Prelude? All accounted for.

The second I landed in Stansted I found out that Distant Worlds is going to be in Rome in February and YOU KNOW WHAT.

I think that's all? 17/10 amazing spectacular showstopping I'm gonna be thinking about it for the rest of my life have a good day.

#final fantasy #distant worlds #distant worlds coral #distant worlds coral london #personal #fave

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bookola-de · 7 months

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Rezension: Johannes Steck und Beate Himmelstoß lesen – Richard Osman – Der Donnerstagsmordclub oder Ein Teufel stirbt immer zuletzt

Johannes Steck und Beate Himmelstoß lesen Der Donnerstagsmordclub oder Ein Teufel stirbt immer zuletzt von Richard Osman Rezension © 2024 by Ute Spangenmacher für BookOla.de Richard Osman Der Donnerstagsmordclub oder Ein Teufel stirbt immer zuletzt 2023 Hörbuch Hamburg Sprecher: Johannes Steck und Beate Himmelstoß Übersetzung: Sabine Roth ungekürzte Lesung Laufzeit: 11 Stunden und 5…

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#Beate Himmelstoß #Hörbuch Hamburg #Hörprobe #Johannes Steck #Rezension #Richard Osman #Sabine Roth

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miraculous-prompts · 2 months

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Grab a dictionary, flip to a random page and point, use that word to create a scene using Ox!Bob, Safari, Butterfly!Sabine, Monkey!Jagged, and Theo

#Bob Roth #Nathalie Sancoeur #Sabine Cheng #Jagged Stone #Theo Barbot #Safari #fic prompt

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buechermadl · 7 months

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Rezension -Am Meer-

Klappentext

„Welche Gnade, dass wir nicht wissen, was uns im Leben erwartet.“

Lucy Barton, von den Härten des Lebens nicht immer verschonte Schriftstellerin, sucht mit ihrem Exmann und besten Freund William Zuflucht in Maine, in einem alten Haus am Meer …

Cover

Das Cover ist schlicht, passt perfekt zum Inhalt und hat mich sofort angesprochen.

Schreibstil

Der Schreibstil ist angenehm und man wird direkt von ihm mitgenommen.

Rezension/Inhalt

Ich mag es über die Zeit, in der Corona ein Thema war, zu lesen. Die unterschiedlichen Erlebnisse und Geschehnisse interessieren mich. Auch die Ansichten und Einstellungen dazu.

Man begleitet Lucy und ihre Familie durch diese Zeit, die sie an einem schönen Ort verbringen.

Mich hat das Buch zum Nachdenken angeregt, auch irgendwie berührt und ich habe es sehr gerne gelesen.

Es ist nicht mein erstes Buch der Autorin und ihr Schreibstil berührt mich und macht es für mich zu einem besonderen Leseerlebnis, ich werde mir noch mehr Bücher von Elizabeth Strout holen.

Fazit

Wieder ein toller Roman von der Autorin.

Zum Buch

Autorin: Elizabeth Strout

Übersetzerin: Sabine Roth

Verlag: Luchterhand

Preis: 24 Euro

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msweebyness · 6 months

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Weeby’s Random Thoughts #7 (The Barbie Series)

Weeby’s back on her randomness! Enjoy! @artzychic27 @imsparky2002

I absolutely adore the old Barbie movies, and I started thinking about the plots with different Miraculous characters! Two of my absolute favorites had good fits, so here they are!

Princess & the Pauper:

In a kingdom far away, an amazing thing happened on a cold Winter’s day. Two identical baby girls were born, Princess Marinette (Annalise) and Socqueline (Erika), a common pauper. Marinette grew up learning her royal duties, while Socqueline worked as a seamstress for the cruel Madam Audrey Bourgeois (Madam Carp). With their very different lives, they never met…until one fateful day. Marinette had been betrothed to Jessica (King Dominick), the wealthy young queen of a nearby kingdom, in the hopes of saving theirs from bankruptcy. However, the one she truly wishes to marry is her royal tutor and best friend, Adrien (Julian). Marinette and Socqueline meet while Marinette is exploring the village with Adrien and quickly become friends. However, Queen Sabine’s (Queen Genevieve) corrupt royal advisor, Bob Roth (Preminger) hatches a plan to abduct the princess to take over the kingdom. Adrien suspects Roth is up to something, so he enlists Socqueline to pretend to be the princess until he can find the real Marinette. However, things get complicated when Queen Jess comes to meet her bride, and she and Socqueline begin developing feelings for one another, all while Marinette is trying to escape and save her kingdom…

Magic of Pegasus:

In another far away kingdom, Princess Zoe (Annika) lives with her controlling parents, her domineering mother and her henpecked father, who forbid her from leaving the castle, without telling her why. On the night of her sixteenth birthday, Zoe sneaks out to go skating…only for the party to be crashed by Xavier (Wenlock), a powerful and evil sorcerer who demands the princess marry him. When Zoe refuses, he petrifies her subjects and threatens to leave them this way permanently unless she agrees to marry him. Suddenly, a Pegasus swoops down from the sky and carries Zoe away to safety. She learns that the flying horse can talk and that her name is Chloe (Brietta). She takes Zoe to the palace of the Cloud Queen, Dahlia. (Rayla) It’s here that Zoe learns that Chloe is actually her sister, and was cursed by Xavier to become a Pegasus because she also refused to marry him, years before Zoe was born. Dahlia tells Zoe that to defeat Xavier, she must build a Wand of Light, and Zoe is determined to do so, both to save her people and break the spell on her sister. On their quest, they meet a surly young blacksmith named Cosette (Aidan), who agrees to help them, with them and Zoe slowly falling in love in the process as the timer to save the kingdom runs out.

Leave your thoughts in the comments and reblogs! If you have ideas for other Barbie movies that can be adapted with Miraculous characters, let me know and write them in a reblog! I’d LOVE to see them!

#Weeby’s random thoughts #miraculous ladybug #mlb AU #Barbie #princess and the pauper #magic of pegasus #marinette dupain cheng #socqueline wang #zoe lee #chloe bourgeois #Erika and annalise #princess annika #brietta #sisters #adrien agreste #cosette bellamy

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outroblogparareblog · 8 months

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The Ugly, Unfair Truth About Looking Beautiful by W. Leith

Why, after decades of feminism, do we seem to demand that women in the public eye be extraordinarily beautiful but their male counterparts can get away with being ordinary?

The art critic John Bergerfamously said that, in our culture, “men act and women appear”. He didn’t mean that women didn’t actually do anything, or that men never looked pretty. His point was that this was how men and women were depicted.

Men were supposed to be effective, and women were supposed to be attractive. He was right. And it was a travesty. But that was in 1972; it was a long time ago.

Or was it? Four decades of feminism later I am reading the comedian Angela Barnes’ blog. “I am ugly, and I am proud,” she writes. She goes on to say: “The fact is I don’t see people in magazines who look like me. I don’t see people like me playing the romantic lead or having a romantic life.”

At the top of the blog is a picture of Barnes. And the thing is, she isn’t ugly. Neither is she beautiful. She’s normal looking. She’s somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, just like lots of women you see every day in real life.

It made me think of this year’s Wimbledon ladies’ final between Sabine Lisicki and Marion Bartoli. When Bartoli won, the BBC commentator John Inverdale infamously said, “Do you think Bartoli’s dad told her when she was little, 'You’re never going to be a looker, you’re never going to be a Sharapova, so you have to be scrappy and fight’?”

The first thing I thought was: this woman has just won a tennis tournament! And she’s being judged on her looks! And then I thought: but Bartoli is attractive. Sure, she’s not at the very highest point on the scale – she doesn’t look like a top model. But she’s pretty. And, in any case, why should it matter? She’s a top athlete. Surely that’s what counts.

A sports commentator refers to a pretty woman as “not a looker”. A normal-looking woman thinks she’s ugly. Why?

Because, even though the world is full of normal and pretty women, the world we see – the world of television, films, magazines and websites – is full of women who are top-of-the-scale beauties.

And right now, in the second decade of the 21st century, the situation is more extreme than ever. If you're a woman, a huge proportion of your role models are beautiful. So if you’re normal looking, you feel ugly. And if you’re merely pretty, men feel free to comment on how un-beautiful you are.

As a normal-looking man, I’m in good company. Sure, some male actors and celebrities are very good looking. Brad Pitt. George Clooney. Russell Brand.

But many of Hollywood’s leading men, like me, look like the sort of blokes you see every day, in real life. Russell Crowe, Kevin Spacey, Bruce Willis, Jack Black, Seth Rogen, Martin Freeman, Tom Hanks, Steve Carell, Jim Carrey, Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn, Brendan Fraser… In fact, you might almost say that most leading men are normal-looking blokes.

It’s true of television, too. Bryan Cranston, who plays the lead in Breaking Bad – he’s a normal. James Gandolfini – he was a normal. And chubby too. Kevin Whately – normal. Ben Miller – normal. TV cops all look normal. Ray Winstone looks normal. Tim Roth looks normal. They portray people who are interesting for what they do, not what they look like.

Oh, and think of sitcoms. The Big Bang Theoryfeatures four normal-looking blokes and a stunningly beautiful woman. New Girl is about two normal blokes, a guy who’s quite good looking, and two women who are… yes, strikingly beautiful.

When I watch the news, on whatever channel, it’s presented by the classic partnership of an ordinary-looking guy and a gorgeous woman. After the news, I watch the weather. Male weather presenters look like standard males. Female weather presenters look like models.

Footballers look normal. Footballers’ wives and girlfriends look stunning. Daytime television presenters: men look like Phillip Schofield; women look like Holly Willoughby.

A typical Saturday-night judges’ panel consists of two types of people – middle-aged blokes and young, stunning women. Sometimes a normal-looking or ageing woman slips through the net – but then, like Arlene Phillips, her days are soon numbered.

Countdown had an attractive woman and an ageing bloke; when the attractive woman began to show signs of ageing, she was axed – replaced by a woman who was, of course, strikingly beautiful.

Who presents historical documentaries? Guys like David Starkey. Normals. And what happened when a normal-looking woman, Mary Beard, presented a series about the ancient world? She was mocked for not being attractive enough.

In a recent interview Dustin Hoffman, another normal, made a revealing comment. Remember when he dressed up as a woman in Tootsie? “I went home and started crying,” he said. Why?

“Because I think I am an interesting woman when I look at myself on screen. And I know that if I met myself at a party, I would never talk to that character. Because she doesn’t fulfil physically the demands that we’re brought up to think women have to have in order to ask them out… I have been brainwashed.”

Actually, I had some insight into how women must feel the other day. I went to a beauty trade show. Women, many of whom wanted their faces to be more beautiful than they were, were looking at products and procedures that might help. You could have injections of Botox or fillers; you could have your face heated up or cut apart; you could have fat from your abdomen injected into your lips.

The “cosmetic interventions” industry is growing fast: in 2005 it was worth £720 million; five years later the figure was £2.3 billion. More than 90 per cent of the customers are women.

I watched a woman as her lips were injected with Restylane, a dermal filler designed to make faces look fuller, lips more pouty. Her face was being stretched and jabbed, stretched and jabbed. Skin was being hoicked and yanked, and then stuff was pumped into her. It looked like a cooking procedure. It looked like abuse.

Afterwards, she got up. She was shaky on her feet. She had the bearing of someone who had been in an accident. Before and after the procedure she was normal looking.

That’s one thing about cosmetic interventions, says Daniel Hamermesh, a professor at the University of Texas, who is an expert on the economics of beauty. They might help a bit. But don’t expect miracles. “Changes are likely to be small,” he says.

But women increasingly crave beauty – and for good reason. In a world that tells pretty women they are ordinary, and ordinary-looking women they are ugly, increasingly radical “solutions” come to seem normal.

In a 2013 review, the Department of Health reports that, until recently, people were discreet about cosmetic procedures; now they are “celebrated”.

These days beauty is not a bonus – it’s essential. So women, in their tens of thousands, feel a new acceptance of the pain, the fear, the microdermabrasion, the chemical peels, the intense pulsed light.

They try not to think of the procedures that go wrong, leading to more procedures. In the mirror they observe their faces with a new expertise, noting the downward slide of the malar fat pads, the atrophy of collagen. They save money. They book appointments. People yank and jab their skin. Afterwards they still look un-beautiful.

Feminists, most famously Naomi Wolf, tell us they know what’s going on. Just at the point when women were becoming more liberated – the moment when they began to act, as well as appear – the old patriarchy hit back.

In The Beauty Myth she makes a good case. The more power women have, she says, the more pressure there is on them to be beautiful. And passive.

In the past couple of decades scientists, who are mostly male, have stepped into the debate. And what do they tell us? The pressure on women to be beautiful is not a patriarchal backlash, because it’s been there for ever. It’s the same all over the world, whether you’re from a poor or rich country.

It’s the same in cities with glass skyscrapers as it is in tribal societies that have hardly changed since the Stone Age. That, they say, is because it’s an essential part of the human condition.

In The Evolution of Desire, David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas, says that it all comes down to the basics of sex. Men are attracted to women who look fertile. Women are attracted to men who will make good providers. That’s why men want their female partners to be a bit younger than they are. It’s also why women are attracted to older men – men with a proven track record.

Throughout history, in other words, women are desirable when they look healthy and unblemished. Symmetrical features are a sign of health; a narrow waist and wide hips are a sign of fertility. Women like symmetrical features too. But they don’t mind wrinkles or grey hair; in ancestral times, if a guy had grey hair, he was a proven survivor.

I’ve never heard any woman say anything negative about George Clooney’s grey hair. And I can’t imagine John Inverdale ever making a comment about Andy Murray being a normal-looking bloke.

And if, like David Buss, I’d interviewed 10,000 people in 37 different cultures, and found that, all over the world, women want men to look like strong providers, grizzled or not, I’d tell you that this was not surprising.

The writer Eva Wiseman recently identified a new journalistic genre, which she calls “first person pretty”: articles by women who are, or at least feel, attractive – but whose attractiveness is a double-edged sword, attracting jealousy and spite.

“These pieces illuminate from the inside our anxiety about our bodies, our internalised misogyny,” she wrote. How did we get here and why is the situation so extreme?

I recently read a debate about online porn that asked: why are female porn stars much better looking than male? Why is porn all about normal-looking blokes having sex with beautiful women?

It’s because the consumers of porn are, by and large, normal-looking blokes. In other words, that’s where the money is – the normal-looking blokes have it. They want to identify with the male actors, which would be more difficult if the male actors were as beautiful as the women. The male gaze leads from money to female beauty. It’s brute economics.

Since then, in an increasingly mediated, monetised society, the old ideal has hardened and intensified. Sponsorship and advertising endorse conservative values. The internet has brought us porn on demand, which focuses the male gaze. And porn is a hub that radiates outwards – towards fashion, music, films and novels.

As the feminist writer Ariel Levy pointed out in her book Female Chauvinist Pigs, lots of women seem to want to become pornographic versions of themselves, mainly because it works. It places them in the dominant culture. They felt they couldn’t beat men, so they decided to join them. Some wore T-shirts with the slogan porn star.

As Levy says, “Only 30 years ago, our mothers were 'burning their bras’ and picketing Playboy, and suddenly we were getting implants and getting the bunny logo as supposed symbols of our liberation.”

And Catherine Hakim, senior research fellow of sociology at the LSE, might just agree.

In her book Honey Money, she points out that, just as men in patriarchal societies have always tried to control the way women dress, so have some feminists. “Why not champion femininity rather than abolish it? Why does no one encourage women to exploit men whenever they can?” she writes.

The other day, a man said to me, “Look, women have money these days, they have independence, they don’t want to be judged on how they look. So why don’t they turn their backs on all this va-va-voom dressing, all the make-up and high heels and beautification?”

And the answer is, I don’t know. I’m a man. I don’t live in a world of being judged on my looks. Or a world in which to look normal is to look ugly, or in which I can increase my power several notches just by how I dress.

What’s complicated for women is simple for men. Just think of John Malkovich, another normal-looking leading man. On being asked what he most disliked about his appearance, he said, “I don’t think about it. I’m a geezer. Who cares?”

#very interesting

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