#s6 cannot come fast enough

[themistdragon]

Using humor to cope 😔

[proveagain]

no bc there's Something abt which episodes he wears that hoodie in and the fact that yellow symbolizes hope and optimism and positivity hear me out

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | March 18th-24th 2024

It's a long one today folks! I hope you enjoy! :) If you know anyone who's not tagged, don't hesitate to let me know!

idk 'bout you but I can't wait for the final part of the premiere on Thursday!!! 😃

Complete

anything that is beautiful, people want to break. by dylaesthetics (Post-Coma, Trans Buck | 3K | Teen): Buck has never meant to keep it a secret from the one-eighteen. Hell, he trusts them with much more gritty, uncomfortable stuff than that. It’s more like… It hasn’t come up. There’s been no reason for it to come up. But then he gets struck by lightning and the mix-up with his medical records happens. A nurse he hasn’t seen yet barges into Buck’s hospital room, with his entire family in it, blood and found alike, and stares at him for one dumbfounded moment before blurting out a name he hasn’t been addressed by in well over eight years. 

not flesh and blood but the heart by Jinko / @jinkohhh (Post-S6, Getting Together | 10K | Explicit): Five times people assumed Chris was Buck's son + one time Eddie confirmed it.

🔥 don’t wanna let you love somebody else but me by fleetinghearts/ @shitouttabuck (S7 Spec, Bachelor Party, Pretend Relationship | 14K | Teen): or, chris wants dating advice and it turns out taking your best friend on a pretend date to practice being as romantic as possible is not a good idea in theory or in practice, considering the pesky being-in-unrequited-love of it all

A Little Bit of the Bubbly by Jinko/ @jinkohhh (Post-S6, PWP, Getting Together | 7K | Explicit): Since turning 30, Buck's relationship with champagne has changed. It also manages to change his relationship with Eddie.

washed away (but not) by Jinko / @jinkohhh (S7 Spec | 3K | Teen): “Well, this is awkward.” Every part of Buck wanted to tell Chim to go fuck himself, but he couldn’t, so he didn’t. Nothing made a situation more awkward than pointing out the awkwardness of it. “So which one of you two made the deathbed love confession?” Ravi laughed, and frankly, Ravi could go fuck himself, too. The both of them could go fuck themselves because both Chimney and Ravi were correct.

i like the way you scratch my itch by oklahoma/ @sunshinediaz (BTHB: Hives | 3K | Teen): Buck’s big blue eyes sparkle. “You’re so cute, did you know that?” he asks, leaning close enough Eddie can count the small red-brown-orange freckles all across his nose. “Even when you’re red from poison ivy.” Red. Red from the poison ivy. Yeah, yep, that’s exactly what he’s so red for. Absolutely.

meet you in the middle. by dylaesthetics (Getting Together | 2K | Teen): OR buck and eddie get their shit together during a regular friday movie night at the diaz house.

🔥 Even in Winter There is Eranthis by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels / @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Hades/Persephone AU | 45K | Explicit): Buck is supposedly a god. Supposedly. But he's got no idea what his domain is or what role he plays in Olympus. When he meets Christopher, a young boy lost and trying to find his father, he helps Chris get home - and ends up accidentally binding himself to the Underworld. Now bound to Eddie, the god of the dead, Buck must spend half the year with him in the Underworld while winter reigns above. But even as something grows between them, there are still trials to endure. Just because the gods are not mortal... does not mean they cannot die.

🔥 My Blood on Your Skin (My Rose on Your Snow) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Mythological AU, BDSM | 80K | Explicit): When Eddie needs cash and fast to take care of Christopher, his LAFD Academy buddy suggests a job as a bouncer at Elysium - an exclusive sex club in downtown Los Angeles. Eddie doesn't care what goes on there, so long as he's paid, but he finds he cares a lot bout the club's enigmatic owner, Evan Buckley, and it's not long before the two of them are violating every boss-employee rule in the book. But there's something different about Buck and the club, something not quite... human. If Eddie wants to keep Buck, he's going to have to delve into the world of immortals, and all the risks that implies.

and check out the amazing podfic!! 🔥 My Blood on Your Skin (My Rose on Your Snow) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels [Podfic] by Rhea314 (Rhea)/ @rhea314

hold tight, you’re slowly coming back to life by bucksclipboard/ @excuseme-greentea (S7E01 Coda, Getting Together | 3K | Teen): Eddie runs into Natalia at the grocery store. He learns something about her and Buck’s breakup that gives him the final push to take care of his own complicated love life.

🔥 miracles under your sighs and moans by napricot (Sex Pollen, PWP | 21K | Explicit): When Eddie gets exposed to an experimental aphrodisiac on a call, he realizes there’s only one person he trusts to help him get through it: Buck.

Touch Me and I'll Scream by rogerzsteven/ @rogerzsteven (BTHB: Unhealthy Coping Mecanisms, Established Buddie | 5K | Mature): At his low, Buck uses rough sex as a way of self harm.

in another life by bellabrady (Coma AU | 2K | Not Rated): Or: Buck's in a coma and dreams of a life where Daniel never died and he never became a firefighter.

Locations by rogerzsteven/ @rogerzsteven (BTHB: Vomiting, Drowning | 4K | General): In which Buck drowns.

I was born to take care of you by Beulaugh/ @if-music-be-the-food-of-love (Getting Together | 3K | Mature): Buck has a revelation at work and then promptly falls on his face. Eddie Diaz's ass: 1, Evan Buckley: 0

hold the silence. by dylaesthetics (Post-S6 | 3K | Teen): OR while looking for clothes to donate, Buck stumbles upon the shirt he was wearing when Eddie got shot.

Tomorrow we can drive around this town by lamardeuse/ @lamardeuse (S7 Spec, Drunk Eddie | 4K | Mature): If Eddie had been sober, he would have realized it wasn't something to be happy about. But drunk as he was, it had the blood singing in his veins, because Buck was going home with him, not Tommy. Tommy could go fuck himself – or you know, anyone else who was willing, but not Evan Buckley. Because Eddie was a pathetic, sloppy drunk and his best friend had a responsibility to make sure he didn't choke on his own vomit or drown himself in the bathroom sink.

sang to the sea for feelings deep blue by Tizniz/ @tizniz (S7 Spec, Cruise Ship Emergency | 14K | General): God, he hopes Buck got out. That he isn’t trying to get to Eddie. That he gets to go home. And not just because Christopher needs him, although he does since Eddie is fairly certain he’s not making it home this time. He doesn’t let himself dwell too long on that thought. No, Eddie wants Buck to go home because he deserves it. Because Buck deserves to live. Because Eddie needs him to live.

you've got game by browney3dgirl6/ @hoodie-buck (S7E01 Coda, Established Buddie | 1K | General): a silly little late night conversation about chris being a 'ladies man'

take this life and make it yours (take this heart and let it love again) by Maira/ @carrierofthepaperclips (Canon Divergent, Post-Coma | 31K | Mature): Before he could second guess it, he’d dialled Eddie’s number and listened to it ring in his ear. As soon as he heard the click of the connection, he said, “Eddie, what the hell, man?” “I meant what I said. I don’t know who you think you are, but call this number again and I will contact the police.” . . . or, the one where Buck finally figures out he's in love with Eddie, only for things to not go as planned. At first.

if i bleed, you'll be the last to know by heartbeatdiaz/ @loserdiaz (S7, Hurt Buck | 6K | Teen): buck gets stabbed while out on a run and then... doesn't tell anyone about it. eddie loses his shit when he finds out, they have a moment in the kitchen and they kiss.... not necessarily in that order.

Baby, take me by 42hrb / @exhuastedpigeon (S7E01 Coda, Getting Together | 4K | Explicit): “Same thing,” Eddie nuzzled him, stubble scratching even more as he moved his face. When he stopped nuzzling, he pulled back far enough that he could see Buck’s face. “I said stop thinking.” “Kinda hard to turn my brain off.” “Pretty sure I turned it off just fine last night,” Eddie said with a smirk that went straight to Buck’s cock, already half hard just from the way Eddie’s stubble is dragging across his skin. “Is that how I get you to stop thinking?”

when you call me yours by browney3dgirl6/ @hoodie-buck (Established Buddie, Proposal | 5K | General): Buck starts calling Eddie his husband. Only problem...they're not engaged. aka the 5 times Buck refers to Eddie as his husband and the 1 time Eddie makes it true.

just lay back in my arms for one more night by diazbegins/ @evanbegins (Established Buddie, Fluff | 2K | Teen): Buck loves Eddie as he naps.

Brat Burrito by Tizniz/ @tizniz (Established Buddie | 1K | General): Just a cute Buddie moment about breakfast burritos.

it's a sliding into home kind of day by devirnis/ @devirnis (PWP | 3K | Explicit): Eddie’s eyes still don’t leave the television. Frowning to himself, Buck cranes his neck to get a look at what could possibly be more important than him coming home after covering a tragically Eddie-less shift. A baseball game evidently is the answer.

your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep by BekkaChaos/ @bekkachaos (New Years Eve, Getting Together | 8K | Teen): aka, Eddie's in love with Buck and he doesn't know how to tell him, until there's a miscommunication and fate (well, Hen) intervenes.

Loose Threads by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Secret Relationship | 3K | Explicit): New to dating and keeping it quiet, Buck and Eddie get a little carried away on a slower shift at the firehouse. But when the alarm eventually sounds, a spur of the moment mistake leaves them a little mixed up.

Married Life by buddiefication (pumpkincreamcoldbrew)/ @911onabc (S5, Getting Together | 2K | General): Taylor films Buck for a TikTok challenge, and Buck finds out he would much rather be his best friend’s husband than his girlfriend’s.

A Seal By Any Other Name (Would Still Be My Best Friend) by bigfootsmom (Seal!Buck, Post-Tsunami | 5K | General): Evan "Buck" Buckley is a collection of oddities. But they're just what makes Buck Buck and Eddie loves him for them. Eddie had thought that after their years of friendship (and maybe something more) that nothing Buck could do would surprise him anymore. But there is one oddity that Eddie never saw coming. “How about you start with why there was a seal in my bathtub and now there’s just you in my bathtub.” (Part 1 of Seal!Buck as in the aquatic mammal)

Just Add Water by bigfootsmom (Seal!Buck, Tsunami | 3K | General): There may be more to Buck than meets the eye. But he's still only human(ish) and getting stuck in a natural disaster with his best friend's son is still all sorts of terrifying. A small hysterical part of his brain thinks about how ironic it would be if this was how he died. Him, a mythical aquatic creature, drowning. The universe would surely laugh and the long line of Buckley ancestors would turn in their graves. (Part 2 of Seal!Buck as in the aquatic mammal)

you can be my daddy (come on, you know you like) by bigfootsmom (Getting Together, Daddy Kink | 4K | Mature): Buck has a teeny tiny problem. One, he's in love with his best friend. Two, he wants to call said best friend Daddy.

It's the softness that breaks you by bigfootsmom (BDSM, Hurt/Comfort | 6K | Explicit): Or the one where Buck has more issues with intimacy than he had originally thought.

lay your love on me by bigfootsmom (PWP, Getting Together | 3K Explicit): Buck never thought the words he said to Eddie in the kitchen would ever come back to haunt him like this. Honestly, he’s not complaining.

you made me feel (i've got nothing to hide) by bigfootsmom (Virgin!Buck, Established Buddie, PWP | 8K | Explicit): Buck has a secret: Contrary to popular belief, Evan "Buck" Buckley is actually a virgin.

WIP

🔥 Right Where You Left Me by hyacinthusbloom/ @thebloomingheather (Canon Divergent, Post-S4, Angst | 22/? | 162K | Explicit | ❗️Warning: Rape/Non-con): "Therapy?" Eddie suggests. Buck almost laughs, but instead says, "I'll go if you go." Because he had fully expected him to be chicken shit, to disagree, and instead Eddie, the bastard, replies, "Deal." Or Buck never tells anyone that he slept with his therapist and deals with the butterfly effect years later.

🔥 Any Other Way by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, S2 | 6/18 | 37K | Mature): In a switcheroo alternate universe, Buck spends young adulthood in the military, while Eddie, who has no idea Christopher exists, spends his twenties messing around, finally enjoying freedom away from his family’s expectations. When they both end up in Los Angeles, at the 118, some things are different, and others will be the same in any universe.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briar / @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon S1-S6, S7 Spec | 122/? | 374K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

[ghostieblr]

Another AU that lives in my head rent free about Sterek is a time travel au.

In the canon timeline (i'm not counting that movie), which picks up at the S6 finale, things unravel fast. Monroe wages war against the supernatural, and Beacon Hills is ground zero. Except, surprisingly, 80% people support the supernaturals.

So Monroe spreads the war. She learns of the 13 Nemetons from Gerard, and sets out to destroy them all. Stiles and Derek are the first to put together what she's doing based on her traveling pattern; Derek tells Stiles about the legends, and Stiles deduces what she's about to do.

They cannot save all. Beacon Hills' "dead" Nemeton is the only one saved; Beacon Hills has also become a refuge for those now hunted without mercy. At one point, the war turned into a purge. There's no limitation to killing, no law strong enough to hold anyone accountable. There is only bloodshed.

It is the apocalypse brought by Monroe's hatred and people's prejudice, and world ends not because of the monsters, but because of the humans.

Stiles and Derek have grown close over the years. Their feelings are complicated, but they're shared under the moonlight beneath the Nemeton that has slowly but steadily grown over the years; Stiles is 30 now, and Derek is about to turn 36 next week (he's forever a Christmas baby to me idc). The war as it was has been over for a couple years, and Stiles has become the leader/mayor of the town. He knows how to protect and provide, and Derek is always by his side, an Alpha of his own right, the alpha spark ignited in him by the hand of fates and his own will power. Stiles' Spark dances, the silver of thunder against the glinting, ruby jewel of Derek's own.

They've become soldiers. They're surviving together. They're the only ones left from their original pack. Even Peter is dead, and for final this time.

Scott had left in the middle of war because in his dreams he'd seen Allison, alive and beckoning him, and nobody has heard from him since. He had no regard for the war, or the people who had wanted to take guidance from the "true alpha." Even his mother's pleas had fallen on deaf ears, the allure of his first love blinding him to everything and everyone.

Point is, the world has gone to shit. It would be better to restart.

Stiles confesses to Derek, "I wish we could turn back time."

Derek huffs out a laugh, one that speaks not of how absurd the wish is, but how much he needs it. "Only if we could."

Behind them, the Nemeton hums. They both feel it. They're both on the same page, and Stiles does what he does best: impulsively invades the Nemeton's insides. He has no clue how he does it, but he does it, and inside he finds that same white room, except now there's a humanoid shape floating in it.

When he comes out of that place, Derek asks him what they have to do.

Stiles tells him, and that's how they go back: Nemeton's power, fuelled by its rage and grief at having lost the other 12, and channeled through the strongest sparks existing, A True Alpha and The Spark; they conduct a ritual, their blood soaked in the roots, and then they wake up.

Stiles was 30. He is now... 9.

Derek was almost 36. He is now almost, a week shy, of 14.

It's December of 2003. (Stiles' birthday is April 08, 1994; Derek's is December 25, 1989). This is nearly a year before Claudia dies (which is Nov of 2004) and before the romance with Paige (it happens in the summer of 2004) and before the Hale fire (January 25th, 2005, exactly a month after Derek turns 16).

And guess what? They get to change everything.

They have their memories, and their powers. The Nemetons are alive — they help these two hide their powers. They help these two whenever needed.

Claudia's condition (which i can never spell right so i'm not even attempting it) cannot be healed by the bite, but Stiles' belief, his Spark, wills it so that she doesn't get worse. So, when the Stiles and Derek find a way to make them part of the Hale Pack, Claudia becomes Talia's beta.

Derek kindles a friendship with Paige. Stiles tells Derek he can try again with her — these time they'll never let anything happen to her.

"You want me to be with her."

"Yes. If you want it. She was your first love," Stiles says, all soft and honest. "And I'm... I know you love me. But I can't ask you to wait for me."

The tension in Derek eases. "Idiot," he chastises, Stiles' small hands in his, "I might be going through puberty but I'm not a teenage asshole who thinks with the wrong head. What we have isn't about sex either. If you worry that I'll resent you for me not being able to have sex till I'm 23, then you're an idiot."

"You already said that. And you've counted how long you'll have to wait."

"I am going through puberty, Stiles."

In short. Yes, their first time will be with each other — in this new timeline. (if i didn't explain it properly: they are rewriting everything. their past timeline technically will never exist, not even as a branched timeline).

So, yeah. Paige never dies, Claudia never dies, Kate is found dead 5 states over and it looks like a suicide; Gerard is killed before he can blind Duke, so Jennifer/Julia/The Darach and The Alpha Pack are no threats; Deaton is detained by the mysterious "Red" for violating the code of Druids and executed soon after; it takes some time, but Stiles & Derek manage to locate the dread doctors and they kill them, too.

All of the threats from canon are killed by the time Stiles is 16 again and Derek is almost 22.

Except, a faction of hunters are finally able to pin point that those who killed Gerard are from Beacon Hills. They're prejudiced because of Gerard's teachings, so they target the Hale Pack.

And it is because of this attack — during which Stiles gets heavily injured while protecting his mom — that Derek roars loud and ferocious, eyes red, as Talia's own alpha eyes stare back in shock, just like the rest of the pack. Stiles' wound is deep, and Derek orders one of the others to take him to the Nemeton.

It doesn't take long for Derek to almost kill every hunter, except he's hurt now, too, and even the Nemeton can't heal this new blend of wolsbane's wound.

Stiles is healed by magic, by the Nemeton, and he feels the bond with Derek weaken by the second. At once he finds himself back at the clearing of the fight, teleported, and lashes out at the remaining hunters with a fury that raises the hair on everyone.

Then he screams and begs at Derek to not fucking die and as everyone watches, manages to save the idiot with sheer belief.

Because that's who Stiles is.

And then well... I just imagine that the two of them have to provide context to their pack, which they do, and then there's gasps of awe and sorrow; of not being there and of not realizing that they were ghosts to these kids; that Laura had (and of course Peter too) suspected something was off with Derek and Stiles but not this.

(also i love to include snippets of John being equally horrified at finding the truth out and of realizing that his baby boy is essentially tied up for eternity with Derek Hale, whomst he apparently also arrested for the murder of his favorite deputy???)

[extasiswings]

Can somebody explain to me why this "undos" Eddie's ptsd arc in s5?? I've seen people upset about this and I'm confused

...please say sike, I'm so serious, that cannot be a real thing people are saying...(jk I can believe it because this fandom's media literacy is uhhhhhhh Not Great, Bob).

Anyway, it's an extremely bad take. Eddie has consistently been shown to go through cycles where he will work on one specific thing (or very specific set of things), and then when he feels like he has sufficiently addressed that one specific thing/set of things, he will pat himself on the back for the great work like all is well/he's all good/healed/fixed while ignoring the pile of twelve million other issues in the corner that he's thrown a sheet over to avoid dealing with. Eddie's PTSD is very different from his Shannon issues, and notably, he has never actually dealt with Shannon issues!

She died in S2 and he cried on the beach over her letter and then pulled himself together so he could be a rock for Christopher and put on a strong front for his family and then he went right back to work. He nearly killed a guy in an illegal fight club and when talking to Bobby about it confessed to Shannon asking for the divorce and "I forgave her for everything, but it wasn't enough - I wasn't enough," but when he went to therapy at that point, did he engage with that or anything about Shannon at all? No he did not!

In S4/Jinx, he confesses to Bobby again that he's "still not over it, not over her" but again, does he actually grapple meaningfully with his grief at that point? No! He decides instead to jump into something with Ana and move way too fast to provide Christopher a replacement mommy. In S5, he blames his panic attacks on his relationship (which...the unreliable narrator is narrating) and after breaking up with Ana once again shoves anything relationship or Shannon-related into a dark corner and avoids it. In therapy that time around, he exclusively focuses on his physical traumas and PTSD/survivor's guilt, primarily from his time in the army. There are a million things layered into "What are you afraid of?"/"That I'll never feel normal again," but Eddie only actually grapples with like...three of them. In S6, Shannon started coming up again more explicitly, but mostly in 6B, and he still wasn't actually dealing with his grief/allowing himself to feel/engage with it or anything to do with her and their relationship. He once again started trying to find someone to date, but actively framed it as searching for the feeling he had when he first started dating Shannon. It was just a reframing of looking for her replacement.

Anyway, this season is different, and he's finally being put in a position where he's not going to be able to keep avoiding it or putting it off - he's on a collision course with all of the messy feelings he's been trying not to feel for years and has no way to pretend that it's about anything but Shannon. S7 and S5 - not the same thing at all.

[dhampiravidi]

TVD OC: Eugenia "Jen" Bennett-Hardy

Legal Name: Eugenia "Jen" Roxane Bennett-Hardy

Race: Nymph, previously Witch (African-American)

Sexuality: (closeted) Bisexual

Gender: Cis-Female

DOB: May. 15, 1986 (age 25 as of 2011/S4 of TVD/S6 of SPN)

Appearance

Jen is a physically fit female who will never look much older than her 20s, as her transformation into a nymph has forever frozen her aging. She's 5'8" (1.73 m). She has a naturally lithe build, toned somewhat due to regular exercise and training with her coven. Her eyes and hair are dark brown, and the latter (which is so wavy it almost curls) is typically worn hanging to her shoulders. Jen only wears makeup on special occasions, and when she does it's hardly noticeable, only used to highlight her smooth, brown skin.

FC: Kylie Bunbury

Background

Jen always knew that she and her mother, a Bennett by birth, were witches. She'd displayed her powers as a toddler and learned about the supernatural dangers that had driven her mom from her ancestral home in Mystic Falls not long after. Though Jen was curious about her maternal family, she didn't long for them--between her parents, the close friends she made in their apartment complex, and her paternal relatives who lived a state over, she had family enough. Her parents were happily married until Jen's mom found the coven, a group of people (mostly women) who called themselves nymphs. When Jen turned 21, she and her mom underwent a ritual, which the coven used to elevate them from mortal witches to immortal nymphs. Jen's father, a human, was upset by this. He preferred to stay away from the supernatural, knowing that his wife had run from it in her past. Perhaps he was right in thinking so, because months later, Jen's boyfriend, who had become a Ripper vampire, killed Jen's mom. Jen would hunt him down herself, backed by her coven. Fast-forward to Jen receiving a hard-earned Master's in Botany (from Rutgers-NB) and her moving to Mystic Falls, both to leave all of her estranged family behind, and to seek out the family she'd never met before.

Possible AU - In June 2011 (S4 of TVD/~S6 of SPN), Bonnie Bennett dies trying to bring Jeremy Gilbert back to life. Eugenia “Jen” Bennett-Hardy looks for her sister in the days following & when she cannot find her, she asks the Spirits, who inform her that her cousin is dead. Heartbroken, Jen leaves Mystic Falls, as she’d taken on the job of protecting her younger relative while there (& as a Nymph who obeys Nature, she knows there is no way to bring Bonnie back to life). Jen becomes a Hunter of sorts, earning money by taking on cases which often come to involve the supernatural. Occasionally she teaches online college classes in the biological sciences.

Another Possible AU - In this universe, vampire blood does Turn nymphs, but it turns them into succubi--creatures who feed off of physical energy to live & use their psychic powers. Jen becomes susceptible to a vampire bite.

Personality

Her most obvious attribute is her big heart. Jen tends to be one of those people who smile at strangers on the sidewalk. However, this can be mistaken for silly optimism or foolish kindness, neither of which Jen possesses. In fact, she's actually very practical and protective. Her practical nature comes out when she tries to resolve problems, both socially and academically. If there's a dangerous person who won't listen to reason, she's fine with eliminating them. This especially applies in Mystic Falls, where Bonnie is her pseudo-little sister. After what happened to her mom, Jen refuses to lose anyone close to her just because someone decided to be irrational. This means she sometimes is judgmental and independent to the point of single-mindedness. Still, this is all because she loves so much--some might say, too much.

Power(s): those typical of an average nymph, found here. Summarized version includes elemental powers, werewolf-level superhuman physiology, psychic immunity, aphrodisiac blood & the power to calm all animals (including humans).

Abilities

Fighting Skills - butterfly knife-wielding, kickboxing, pankration

Languages - English, Italian, bits of Latin

Misc. - natural interest in Botany

Extra:

her knife, a gift from her coven, is tempered/coated with vervain

her coven warned her against going to Mystic Falls, a "haunt" (aka a taboo place infested with unnatural creatures & magic)

she learned Italian from some of her neighbors while growing up in New Jersey

[hufflepuffhermione]

If you feel like another, “You’re getting crumbs all over my bed.”

I absolutely cannot make sense of the timeline for Donna coming back from Germany/her recovery so this is a little hard to put in a particular spot, but sometime early S6. 

Donna isn’t sure how long she napped, but when she wakes up to see Josh standing over her bed, she knows it must be pretty late.

It takes far too long for it to strike her as odd, him standing in her apartment, at the door to her bedroom. Then again, after waking up with him by her side in Germany, this doesn’t seem too out of the question.

“Hey,” he says. He looks exhausted—that’s nothing new, but the circles under his eyes have only seemed to darken since everything. “How are you doing?”

“How’d you get in here?” she asks. He doesn’t have a key to her apartment. It’s not that she doesn’t trust him, but he’s never had a reason to use it before. His is closer, and nicer, and doesn’t have a roommate or cats.

“Your mom,” Josh says with a smile. “After years of making you miss just about every holiday known to man, she might finally be coming around to me.”

Donna thinks that there’s no way her mother couldn’t like Josh now, not after he rushed to Germany to be by her side and arranged flights for her mom to come out as soon as possible as well, but she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she pushes herself into a sitting position, carefully adjusting her leg so that it remains elevated. It’s not lost on her how quickly Josh comes to pick up the pillows she tossed on the floor earlier and put them behind her back. ��What are you doing here?”

“You’re not glad to see me? Donna, I drove all the way out here and…”

“Of course I’m glad to see you, but you have so much going on right now that…”

Josh sits on the other side of her bed, practically bouncing. How someone can be as exhausted as he is and still brim with so much nervous energy is beyond her. “I thought you could use some company besides your mom or your roommate,” he says, tossing a bag between them. “I brought snacks and movies.”

She peers into the bag. It’s full of junk food—chips, cookies, candy—all things she hasn’t eaten in ages. “And there’s no ulterior motive here? You haven’t brought mountains of paperwork along with it?”

He rolls his eyes and drops an array of VHS tapes on her lap, and it strikes her that he must have remembered that she doesn’t have a DVD player. “This is everything I had that doesn’t have… you know, explosions or guns or anything in it,” he stammers.

She remembers back when he was recovering, when she would be careful to be sure the movies they watched together were absent of violence. Back then, it had been more for her own sake, but considering how Josh’s mental state had deteriorated, she’s grateful she did. And it touches her that he’d do the same for her.

The movies he brought are mostly animated movies directed at kids or rom-coms, many of which she remembers buying for him herself. He complained about all of them, and frequently fell asleep (which she didn’t blame him for—he needed his rest), but it’s sweet that he brought them back.

Still, she might as well make his time worthwhile. She holds up one of the tapes, the case cracked from use. “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington?” she proposes. It’s one of his favorites, since he can’t stop being a political creature even for the purpose of entertainment, and he smiles at her suggestion.

“I thought you were going to put me through one of your terrible rom-coms again,” he teases, standing up from the bed to put the tape in.

“You brought them over. I would have been well within my rights. But frankly, I’m beginning to miss Congress.”

He laughs and presses play, coming back to steal one of her pillows and sit beside her, his back against the headboard. “Need anything else?” he asks, opening a bag of chips and taking a handful.

“You’re getting crumbs all over my bed,” Donna chides, as she takes a handful as well.

“You need to change your sheets anyway.”

“Are you trying to say something about my hygiene?”

He laughs and shakes his head. “No, I just know that sitting in a bed all day can make your sheets get gross pretty fast.”

“You would know that, wouldn’t you?” She says it lightly, but his face darkens.

“I’m sorry I can’t do more.”

She’s known Josh for long enough to know the depths of his guilt about the whole situation, and even if he’d never say so, she’s sure it’s tearing him up inside. Which would frustrate her if she let herself think about it—she’s the one who’s suffering, so why should he take on unnecessary pain? But being angry with him for that is too exhausting, so she reaches out and squeezes his leg. “I know you’re doing what you can. With the peace deal and Leo and everything, there’s so much that…”

He nods and presses his lips together. “Yeah.”

“Besides, this was pretty sweet of you to do, even if you’re going to make my bed a mess,” she replies lightly, stealing another handful of chips.

She’s seen the movie before, and she’s still in a bit of a medicated haze, so it doesn’t come as a surprise when she falls asleep halfway through the movie. When she wakes up again, he’s gone, although whether to the office or home seems like a bit of a tossup.

There’s static on the TV and crumbs in her bed, but everything feels like it might be just a little bit better.

[spaceorphan18]

i really liked your s6 blaine meta! would you be willing to do something similar for season 5 episodes 14-20?

Hi Nonny! Sorry for the delay, this is kind of a huge undertaking.  I’m going to be honest, this will be more of an abridged answer.  I really recommend looking over to my Finding Kurt Hummel Meta, because a lot of Kurt and Blaine’s stories are intertwined, and I do talk a lot about Blaine and his motivations there.  That said, let’s dig in! 

Pre-New York Arc

So, as Blaine tells us when before he’s going to graduate, his senior year has been really hard and really weird.  He broke up with his boyfriend, dealt with a school shooting, suffered the loss of a good friend, and then got engaged.  (Y’all should check out my Glee Timeline to see just how squished all of this stuff really was.) By the time his tenure as a high school student is over, he’s desperate to fast forward to being a full fledged adult -- living out his dreams in New York City.  The problem is trying to force your dreams come true doesn’t always work, especially when a) you’re still a kid trying to figure things out and b) you still have a lot of insecurities and mental health issues to deal with.  

So Blaine (and Kurt) still have a lot of growing up to do.  And a lot of the New York Arc is figuring out just that.  

Let’s talk about the proposal for a second, too.  Blaine jumping to marriage is, yes, a bit pre-mature.  He’s was so desperate to get his relationship back on track with Kurt, and so wanting to prove his commitment, he jumped about fifteen other steps and went straight to what he would be the ultimate band-aide -- marriage.  Well, just because you’re married (or engaged) doesn’t mean you don’t have a lot of issues in your relationship.  Blaine and Kurt were too young for their engagement -- and not necessarily because of their age, but because they really hadn’t dealt with a lot of things the move to New York, the cheating, and the first break up did to their relationship.  However, Blaine wants to ignore a lot of the red flags because he feels since he has Kurt back, and put a ring on that finger, he should be fine, right?  His insecurities about Kurt not loving him or wanting to leave him should be squashed because -- ring.  Right??  Oh, Blainey. 

New New York

So, what we don’t see is the six-to-nine months of Kurt and Blaine living together.  Which is a shame.  Because we don’t see how it started, and how they probably were so head over heels wanting to live together and do all the fun things Burt listed off in his conversation with Kurt before the proposal in Love Love Love that they did not have any kind of conversation about how living together would ultimately work.  So, it’s nine months later, and things aren’t so rosey.  

Blaine is trying very hard to make them the old married couple he wants them to be (which is no shade on Blaine!).  He’s singing old timey songs, and basically trying to show his love through acts of servitude, and kind of trying to ignore the nagging feeling that Kurt’s unhappy about it.  

Blaine is a giver by nature, and wants to make Kurt happy, and he thinks if he can be the perfect boyfriend (because he wasn’t before, made a mistake, didn’t take into account that Kurt really was part of that issue, and blames himself for the relationship woes) that his relationship with Kurt will be fine.  The problem is that Blaine is losing himself in the relationship -- trying to be the person he thinks Kurt wants him to be, and the person his own imagination thinks he should be, instead of the person he really is.  

The other thing is that Blaine is a bit clingy.  There’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your significant other.  But Blaine wants to spend every waking moment with Kurt so they can share their magical journey together.  You see -- in high school, they were joined at the hip, and did do a lot of things together.  But they also had a lot of time apart.  They both had groups of friends to do things with, and different households to go home to.  But now, all aspects of their life are jammed into that little loft.  And for Blaine, it’s fine, (though it’s not - he has to learn how to be an individual person, too), but Kurt is struggling with it. 

Here’s the part where I do need to bring up Blaine and his homelife.  Blaine being who he is - is somewhat just his personality.  But part of it is also his homelife.  We can infer that unlike the Hummel household, Blaine’s family wasn’t exactly ones to unconditionally supportive in the same way.  He always had to compete for attention (and possibly love) with Cooper.  He has always felt that no matter how ‘good’ he is -- he’s a failure.  And he is, by far, his own worst critic.  These are things that Kurt cannot fix for him, and while Kurt can continue to love and support him, Blaine himself has to reach a belief that he is a worthy individual of love, support, and happiness.  

Also, because Blaine is trying so hard to make life perfect for Kurt, he’s not being able to make his own experience uniquely his own.  He tries to find a cute couch -- but it’s rejected (rightfully because bed bugs, but still).  He tries to make himself a space in the loft, but Kurt shuts that down.  Everything is about how Kurt thinks and feels, and because Blaine’s giving in on these things, he starts to go inward on himself, and thus they fight over dumb things.  (Kurt needs to learn how to share and compromise, Blaine needs to learn to stand up for himself and his own wants and needs.)  

As an aside, Blaine isn’t really jealous of Elliott -- that’s a bit of displaced anger.  But going to Elliott does help (wise sage that he is), and while that convo is a little weird, there is some good advice in Elliott saying you have to figure out who you are, and maybe not be so clingy.  Boundaries are good and don’t lose yourself in the relationship. 

So, about their decision to live apart -- my Kurt meta had a good paragraph: 

I’d also like to mention that Kurt isn’t really thrilled with Blaine’s idea.  He doesn’t want Blaine to leave, but he recognizes that something has to change.  Unfortunately, they’re still young and growing and don’t have the tools or experience to figure out how to fix what’s wrong.  So - in a way, I get this solution.  Blaine doesn’t know how to give Kurt emotional space - so let’s try physical instead.  

Blaine wants to fix the situation, so it’s no surprise that Blaine is the one to comp up with the solution.  It’s not great (honestly, they should have moved out and found their own place but alas tv show logic), but it’ll have to work for now.  Blaine is more interested in salvaging his relationship the only way he can try to.  Unfortunately there are some other, bigger issues going on, but for now, they’ve come up with something that might help.  

Bash

It’s a shame we don’t get more Blaine during this episode, because I think it’s really important.  There’s a story here about the frustrations a gay couple can have when one of them is going through a major trauma, and the other can only sit and wait to see how it turns out -- adding in outside factors such as, hospitals not allowing the partner to visit because they aren’t legally “family”.  

So, one of Blaine’s biggest fears is losing Kurt.  And this time he does to an external power.  Blaine, who likes to control things just about as much as Kurt, feels like he should be able to protect Kurt no matter what, and comes out of this episode feeling like it’s his duty to do that.  

You see, Blaine doesn’t think he’ll survive very well if anything ever happened to Kurt, and kind of ignoring the fact that Kurt kinda jumped into the fight himself, Blaine decides that he’ll do everything in his power to ‘save’ him.  Problem is, that’s not at all what Kurt wants or needs....  Which will be discussed more in the next episode. 

Meanwhile, Blaine manages to piss off Carmen Tibideaux with he and Rachel’s little duet idea.  Not liking anyone mad at him, he does go retake the final (or whatever it is), and pours his own fears and sadness into the song.  I do kind of wonder if Blaine’s involvement in this is a slight nod that Blaine won’t be finishing his college career at NYADA.  (Which is fine - the school is utter shit.) 

Tested

Okay, god.  Here’s the Kurt Meta because this is one really complicated episode that I won’t do justice in the little blurb I’m going to write here.  There’s A LOT going on, and it’s helpful in understanding the story as a whole, and I do write about both their sides in the Kurt Meta. 

So, here we are -- Blaine is trying to make Kurt’s New York life and experience perfect, and he kind of ignores his own.  But, he is indulging himself (as young people in new places often do) and not taking care of his physical health either.  He does gain some weight (or Glee tries to suggest that he does), and this latches on to his insecurities from before.  

A lot of this episode’s issues comes down to identity --- Blaine saw himself as the White Knight in Shiny Armor -- the one who protected Kurt from Karofsky, and made him smile.  The one who was the prince who got to give the other prince the Happily Ever After.  The problem, though, is all of this is magical fairy tale talk that doesn’t work in the real world.  

Kurt isn’t a delicate flower who needs rescuing.  He is very physically fit, and is seen as attractive by other people.  And Kurt is trying to find his own, individual identity that isn’t solely connected to Blaine.  All of this activates Blaine’s major insecurity about being rejected -- about not being loved enough.  He doesn’t understand that he doesn’t have to be the person who another person needs for them to love him.  He can just be the person who someone wants.  But Blaine has a very hard time with this concept.  His value of himself is wrapped up in how much he thinks he’s needed, which of course, causes all the problems.  

What’s making it worse is that Blaine begins to manipulate the situation -- trying to make Kurt ‘need’ him again, which is very unhealthy (don’t do that guys!).  But also starts to do what he always does, and we see a repeat of the issues had back in season 3/4.  Blaine starts to pull away physically because he fears he’s not good enough, and in turn, Kurt pulls away emotionally, and it’s just a downward spiral that they keep doing.  

The thing that Blaine is not doing is expressing how he actually feels to Kurt.  When he finally does that at the end of the episode, when he reaches out and says ‘hey I need help’ Kurt is finally there for him.  (Yes, Kurt is still pissed, but at the end of the day, Kurt is not wrong about the fact that he’ll never stop loving blaine -- no matter what happens.)  The problem is, no matter how many times Kurt can say it, or even show it, until Blaine actually trusts him, it’s never going to work.  

As an aside -- one of the reasons I think the second break up actually was good for them, is that Blaine learns how to love himself, and live with himself, after Kurt’s gone.  He’s too attached to defining his self worth based on what Kurt thinks of him -- and that’s not healthy.

(Also, I encourage you to read the Tested Meta -- there is so much to dig into in this episode!) 

Opening Night

There really isn’t much Blaine in this episode - but we do see him use his acts of service love language towards Rachel.  Usually, she’s much better in her response, though.  

I also want to point out that it’s Blaine’s idea to go to the gay bar.  I’m all for Blaine starting to learn where his places in the city are.  Makes me wonder if Kurt and Blaine frequented there together, of this was a Blaine only thing.  Hmm.  

The Back-Up Plan

So... the June Dolloway stuff.  Okay.  

June plays to Blaine’s romantic ideals of what life as a successful performer would be.  And, as we’ve talked about, Blaine’s self worth is based on the idea of how much people need him (or want to use him).  So, he kind of falls into June’s trap, and lets her try to mould him into who she thinks he is.  The problem is, that entails getting rid of Kurt.  But a big part of who Blaine is - is loving Kurt.  

There’s also the issue of competition again (which came up in Tested, too) that I kind of roll my eyes at.  I’m not going to say that Hollywood, or the performing arts, isn’t competitive.  Because it is, in a lot of ways.  However, I feel like media and society are often the ones pushing that narrative.  You can be successful and still support your friends and love ones.  

There’s an entire conversation to be had about how art is subjective, and this idea that this painting is better than that one is just kind of stupid, so all of these fancy awards for things are really, often times, just rich or powerful people stating what they think is the “best” and puts a false equivalency on things that can’t or shouldn’t be pit next to each other.  

So, this whole idea that Blaine is ‘winning’ because June picked him is just -- whatever, Glee.  The thing that I do like, however, is the fact that, despite Kurt being disappointed in the situation, he is still supportive of Blaine and his career.  The thing that I think is a bit contrived is Blaine’s eagerness to please everyone leads him to lie to Kurt instead of be honest about what’s going on with June.  But alas, television. 

However, as we’ve talked about earlier -- Blaine’s ultimate goal is to make everyone happy at the expense of his own happiness, so it isn’t out of nowhere that Blaine would try to please June and Kurt at the same time, in an attempt to ‘fix’ everything before someone rejects him. 

Old Dogs, New Tricks

So... this episode really isn’t about Blaine or the Klaine issues at all.  Chris was perhaps wise (and maybe mandated a little) not to even get into it.  

The thing, though, we do see is that Blaine’s spending a lot of time on his fantasy career ideas with June.  He does recognize that Kurt isn’t really happy with life, and while the Klaine issues will eventually hit the fan, that’s not what this episode is about.  It’s about Kurt trying to find his own place, and make his own happiness, when everyone around him is becoming more successful.  It’s really not Blaine’s issue -- and I’m glad Chris didn’t make it out to be.  

Instead, Blaine plays the supportive partner here, and while they do need to work more of their shit out, I’m glad they do get a softer, and more emotionally aware moment here.  

The Untitled Rachel Berry Project

So, Kurt mentions in this episode that he and Blaine have had some long conversations about their relationship.  And while I’m sure that’s true (probably a lot after Tested), I do have to wonder if Blaine wasn’t listening as well as he should have been.  I think, in order to preserve things, Blaine probably nodded along, and took more notes on how to be the world’s perfect boyfriend, while maybe not actually comprehending some of the issues Kurt laid out.  All the while, I’m guessing that Blaine didn’t express many of his wants or needs, in order to not rock the boat.  Unfortunately, all of this holding back, on both their parts, comes back to haunt them. 

The big lie comes out, that Kurt isn’t in the showcase, and this plays a lot on Kurt’s insecurities, partly about being a failed performer, and a lot about his trust issues with Blaine from the last time they broke up.  Blaine is the type of guy who tries to make everything perfect until he literally can’t anymore, and he’s left there being forced to tell the truth, even though he knows it’ll hurt himself and Kurt.  And while this, normally, would be a minor thing, because of their past history -- this self-imposed forced disappointment is what he expects.  Because he believes that sooner or later, he’s going to eventually disappoint everyone he loves, and they will eventually leave him.  

The thing is -- Blaine has a tendency to push people away, because he thinks that’s what he deserves.  But interestingly, Kurt comes back to him -- and they talk about it.  

And, I’m just gonna quote my Kurt Meta cause I don’t feel like writing it all out, but the Klaine scene here is important! 

So - yeah, let’s break this down…  Kurt’s pretty stiff when he comes to Blaine, arms crossed, looking forward out at the birds and not at Blaine.  He’s thought through is anger, but these kind of conversations are still hard for Kurt.  But then there’s Blaine – who outright says to him that the showcase doesn’t mean anything without Kurt – that /Kurt/ is more important to him than his career.  And Kurt visibly relaxes when he hears this.  Because its confirmation of something he does already know – that Blaine really does love him.  He seems to fuck it up, but he loves him.  And it’s something Kurt really did need to hear again.  

(Obviously vise versa needs to happen, too, but more on that in a second.)

So - Kurt goes on talking about birds, and builds this elaborate metaphor around them – about how taking a step out of the nest is freakin’ scary, but you can’t stay in that nest forever – at some point you have to trust that you can fly.  And even if you fall and hit the ground, you have to keep on trying.  

Well, Kurt comes to the smart conclusion that relationships are like his bird metaphor – you can’t have a relationship unless there is implicit trust there as a foundation.  And he’s learned, the hard way, that yeah, sometimes one of them is going to fuck up and they will hit the ground like a stone, but if you hold on to your faith that it’ll be all fine in the end – that you can help each other out keep that solid foundation, it’ll be okay.  Because at the end of the day, you can’t ever be 100% that someone won’t hurt you again, you can’t control anyone else but yourself (oohh and Kurt letting go of complete control is huge - HUGE).  

And yeah, yeah this little speech is nice and all but what about what’s about to happen? What about the second break up?  Do you guys remember in Dance With Somebody when Blaine says to Kurt - if you’re unhappy talk to me don’t cheat on em?  Well - this is almost the inverse of that.  Kurt says to Blaine that you don’t even know if or when someone’s going to break that trust – and this is true, because yeah, Kurt is going to fuck it up not that long after this conversation.  

But this is a resolution to the original issue back in season 4 – Kurt’s finally understanding that in order for this thing to work, he has to choose to trust Blaine.  Blaine can’t instill that in him – it’s something Kurt has to do for himself.  And for better or worse, he does choose to trust Blaine, to love Blaine, to let Blaine in implicitly.  Blaine has been desperately trying to break through Kurt’s shell since the whole cheating incident, get back into that place in Kurt’s heart.  But what Blaine doesn’t know - or realize - and what Kurt’s just figuring out himself, is that it’s not about Blaine’s ability – it’s about Kurt allowing it to happen.  

Kurt doesn’t let people into his world, past is exterior, implicitly into his heart – but on a smaller scale, this whole June ordeal kind of just puts things into perspective.  Yeah – he was mad about Blaine’s lie – but he realizes that the way Kurt was acting about it, he was going to be hurt either way.  And he can be mad and be angry, but at the end of the day, they all have choices to make, and Kurt makes the decision to still stand by Blaine through the hard stuff as well as the easy stuff.  

(But what about season 6? Well – we’ll talk about that when we get there ;))

I will say this – Kurt never breaks his promise about loving Blaine no matter what.  Even through the stupidity of the second breakup, it’s really not because he doesn’t love Blaine.  That’ll always be apart of him, and the more they go on, the more he understands his own heart will always feel that way.  

Meanwhile – Kurt actually can be (gasp) a loving and supportive partner.  Yeah, it’s hard on him to feel unwanted by June – he’s been fighting that fight since forever.  But he is proud of Blaine, wants Blaine to fly incredibly high – and much like way back when in season 3 with Tony – he’ll be there giving Blaine flowers and telling him how amazing he is.  Which is reassurance that Blaine needs, but doesn’t always get.  

(I realize that’s mostly Kurt’s POV - but it covers what’s going on with Blaine, too.)  

The thing though, while Kurt’s learning what it means to trust again, Blaine really just wants everything to be fine.  And gives in to Kurts wants and needs immediately.  The one problem, really, that’s still lingering is the fact that Blaine is still only defining himself through his relationship, and that’s not good, and is part of the reason Kurt’s going to pull away, and ultimately break up with him, the second time.  

But, we do end the season on a happy note.  Blaine, feeling the love and support from Kurt, is able to stand up to June, and is able to have a moment for himself, where he gets to express his true self, in the form of showing everyone his love for Kurt at the showcase.  We also get a moment of a small step forward when Kurt let’s Blaine have a bit of the loft -- a small space to call his own.  

Yes, ultimately it’s going to break down again, but it’s a first step.  By the end of the season, Blaine and Kurt have started to learn what being in a real, adult relationship is like, but ultimately, for Blaine, he needs to learn to be okay with himself first and foremost, and that is what Season 6 was about... 

If you’d like to continue on, here’s the Season 6 Blaine Meta! 

I know there are things I didn’t get into -- like Blaine’s relationship with Sam, but idk, I don’t think there was much to pick apart there.  

If you guys have any questions on specific things, let me know! :) 

[boltlightning]

man. i know this episode deserves accolades out the ass and we have collectively talked it to death as a community, but the back half of mr. yin presents is so, so powerful. let’s dive in:

chief cares about her people above all else; you see her, for the first time ever, arm up and offer to drive when she knows where yin has taken juliet. she is using every tool available to her to make sure her team is safe, she constantly insists on shawn/gus/henry (who are civilians) being given stricter security, she takes the blame when juliet disappears.....she cares SO MUCH. 

henry would do absolutely anything for shawn. they were a bit cool this season — there’s a few moments where henry sardonically notes that he’s almost always the one who helps shawn unravel his case. he literally bails shawn out from a false accusation in think tank. but when he knows abigail is in trouble, and knows shawn is going to save her alone, he takes a job he didn’t really want just so he can go after his son.

AND BOTH OF THEM IMMEDIATELY PUT ON THEIR CHARMERS TO KEEP ABIGAIL CALM. without hesitation, henry leaps right in with his swiss and cuts abigail free under the pier. shawn and henry spend so much time consumed with their differences that they don’t ever acknowledge their similarities, and especially not the good similarities. both these men have everflowing compassion that are overlaid by their affable manner (shawn) or rigid competence (henry) and it is so gratifying to see them come together at the climax of the episode

gus is just the...the bravest and kindest man. he cares so much about shawn, and has really come to trust and love the entire team. it is amazing to see him seriously involved in the episode, as good as his support system for shawn was in the first yang episode. shawn may have the psychic-ness, but gus is the heart of psych. gus is (very realistically!) afraid of these terrible situations they find themselves in and hates the sight of blood and is adamant about not becoming the casualty of a slasher movie trope...but he is the first to go after juliet when they lose sight of her in yin’s trap. he picks up her gun and chases after her in a secret tunnel. he goes to the clock tower when shawn cannot because they trust each other SO MUCH, and keeps the wire from snapping even though it is the mechanized clocktower for an entire city because he is a brilliant and brave and strong man and i love him with all my HEART

no one needs Another Essay About Lassiter And Juliet from Me, Bolt Lightning, but god. i’d noticed a few episodes in that their dynamic in s4 has shifted to lassiter being overly friendly with juliet because he trusts her that much, while juliet is a lot more confident in their relationship...but their trust and love runs so goddamn deep. for the first time in the entire series (and i think for the rest of the series total!), lassiter directly defies chief’s orders. he sets off on his own to go get juliet as soon as they figure out the clue and doesn’t even stop to consider what it may do to his career if he does. carlton lassiter!! carlton fucking lassiter who, one episode ago, was telling everyone to shut the hell up so he could chase a fantastical lead and get better press coverage. he is petty and mean and calloused but he is loyal to his very bones, and juliet has earned every ounce of his trust.

and juliet...i feel like women who are competent and in actionable roles often get written into a box where they’re defined by their badassery. they aren’t allowed vulnerable moments because it doesn’t suit their image as an asskicking action girl. but juliet is both in spades in this episode; she is fearless and dedicated, and walks into what she knows is a trap because it’s what needs to be done. she knows the risks. she does it anyway. and juliet has never been a damsel in distress — most of the time she and lassiter are bailing shawn and gus out from danger — so the way she faces this says so much about her. that she reads yin’s clue as he directs, and still tries to let shawn know that abigail can be saved too with what little opportunity she has? even though shawn has kind of been an ass to her for the last year? fucking STELLAR. 

she stares straight ahead the entire time she’s on the clocktower, even after gus and lassiter save her, and you can see the absolute terror and eerie acceptance in her eyes. she knows shawn will go to abigail, and she would prefer it. abigail is a civilian, she is not.

maggie lawson is so talented jesus christ. like they all are but this performance is so phenomenal

and then we get that amazing, powerful, wordless shot of her and lassiter at the end. anyone would be rattled after that, and juliet, who is always a beacon of understanding and acceptance and cheer, is going through shock. i actually paid enough attention to lipread on the rewatch and i’m pretty sure she’s insisting to lassiter “i’m fine, i’m fine” and lassiter just says “you don’t need to be fine” and she collapses against him. that fucking shit kills me man. carlton lassiter, the king of emotional repression, tells her it’s ok to not be fine. god. strike me down where i stand

this is getting unwieldy but shawn is the person of the hour. truly. he is such an amazing protagonist. i have so many gripes with how he’s written in certain spots of s4, and i’m sure i’ll talk more about that in s5 and s6, but good god. everything that happens in this episode is his worst nightmare — people he cares for are hurt because he can’t crack a case fast enough. his very profession puts abigail in danger. he has always been flippant, and wise-cracking, and even a little careless, but his intention was to put bad guys away and make a living. he knows the dangers of his career and his loved ones being put in harm’s way has always, ALWAYS made him deeply uncomfortable. and in this episode he confronts what is maybe the worst example of it in the show

he really, truly cares for abigail, and that this completely unpredictable side effect of his job likely ate him up alive for so long. he may have been a bad boyfriend, but he was so willing to see what she needed from him to make the relationship work after her rescue...shawn is also a character you rarely see vulnerable. he has a gun pointed at his head every second episode but he is almost always certain that some serendipitous event will happen to get him out alive. but this was all him. and he bares his heart to abigail, without any of his wordsmithery or reference-laden snark. this case took so much from him. and it truly beat him down the entire time

lighter notes:

i love buzz mcnab and he loves the team so much. tall king

mary’s death is really goddamn sad and it makes me doubletake at the way he’s been portrayed in the musical/second movie

if you read all this thank you very much please talk to me about carlton and juliet

[sanoiro]

Hi I'm new in fandom, I'm just trying to absorb as much as I can lol. I'm also spoiler junkie so of course I found your blog. So it's looks like episode 4 will be really important episode, like I said I'm new here so it's all very confusing for me. It is possible that Chloe and Lucifer are some kind of star-crossed lovers? Who always meet up/cross each other paths, but when she dies Lucifer (and everyone I guess?) forgets all about her and in new live it's starts all over again? Part1

First of all welcome in the fandom it’s a crazy place to be but most of the time quite fun. 

Second, yes I know how Olicity ends because a dear friend was a big fan and was crushed. My reaction was like oh ok now I have one more reason not to watch it. It was a bit like the GoT. One bad ending can kill an entire show, worth of many fantastic seasons. 

In all honesty, I do not expect Deckerstar to end up like Olicity. I expect a compromise, a bittersweet ending but not of that kind as in Lucifer death is not the end and nor it should be. Now whatever may come we may also have a S6 so that complicates things. Whatever happens at the end of S5 is grand but also slightly open to be further explored. 

My opinion we will see S5 ending with a balance of things where Deckerstar is concerned. No idea how but if you have seen Crash Landing On You, I expect a similar feeling, not the conclusion, just the feeling that the real world does not change or stop due to a grand love. 

Third, I do believe that Dan has a similar arc like Charlotte but with S6 in the far distance no idea how will that work. In any case in this season the past is catching up with every single character and fast! 

Finally, let’s explore 504. Yes, I do believe that is one of the most important episodes for various reasons. With part of the script and the bts I believed I had built a good speculation but a recent comment had me backtrack a bit. In any case, I was promised it’s a great episode so that’s good enough for me.  However what about Deckerstar? I wouldn't say that everyone forgets just that if my speculation at least is correct (but even if it is not it fits somewhat) that you cannot avoid destiny. Starcrossed? Most probably. Have they met before? Mhmmm perhaps in a way they did in 3x11 where neither of them realised it but Lucifer did feel her presence. 

Last note. 504 does not involve Chloe in the noir as far as I know at least. However, sometimes is what is hidden in plain sight. :P

[themistdragon]

shhhh i'm manifesting it

[austennerdita2533]

I'm so happy that you love Folklore too! It's not just my favorite Taylor Swift album, but easily one of by favorite albums, full stop :) Here's a fun challenge: which Folklore songs remind you of a certain ship? So is there a Folklore song that makes you think of literati? Another one that makes you think of a Grey's ship? A third that makes you think of Elizabeth/Darcy? A fourth that reminds you of Klaroline and - I'll shut up, you get the idea :) Pick any Folklore songs/ships you want!

Taylor Swift’s latest album is a masterclass of musical poetry and storytelling. Rarely do I download every song a musician puts out on a new album (I tend to pick and choose), but I can genuinely say I never hit DOWNLOAD so fast in my life before than I did with Folklore! I love all sixteen tracks! I’ve been listening to them on a loop for two days straight and I imagine that’s likely to continue for the foreseeable future.

Also, YASSS! That is a fun challenge! It’s also one I can manage because I’ve been thinking about how certain songs/lyrics apply to many of my ships since I first started listening anyway. Prepare yourself. This is gonna be long. 😁

Okay SO, for Literati... 

If I’m angling to lean into s3-s6 angst that was Rory and Jess at that point in the OG series, then I’d say the 1 is a good fit. That song has the same energy as someone who’s writing a goodbye letter to a loved one that will never be sent. It’s cleansing. Cathartic. An exorcism of feeling. It absolutely reeks of regret and longing with just a touch of look-back-over-your-shoulder-and-wish, just wish, that things could have been different:

“But we were something, don't you think so?”

“And if my wishes came true It would've been you“

“But it would've been fun If you would've been the one”

However, if I’m in more of a They’ll Come Back to Each Other mood with Literati then I think this is me trying screams Rory and Jess. That song emanates nostalgia! It’s haunting in tone (with the echoes, with some slight vibrato). The lyrics bleed with feeling, with emotion that should have rusted long ago but hasn’t. Love is still as red as it was at the beginning of everything only now...only now there’s realization and an attempt at atonement for past mistakes...

“I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that Pulled the car off the road to the lookout Could've followed my fears all the way down And maybe I don't quite know what to say But I'm here in your doorway“

It's hard to be anywhere these days When all I want is you You're a flashback in a film reel On the one screen in my town (the town, of course, made me think of Stars Hollow)

I just wanted you to know That this is me trying At least I'm trying

For Darcy and Elizabeth, I think seven works well for them in spots. If you listen to the song, there’s a little bit of an echoey timber to the way Taylor sings it and that gave me the sense of how classic love stories/literature kind of ripple across time, you know? How the pages may crinkle or yellow over the years, but they still leave their mark. Plus, there’s also the piano in the background. Almost feather light. It mixes with what sounds like violins in places. Idk, it has a slight P&P 2005 vibe about it to me:

“Please picture me in the weeds Before I learned civility” >> (Because did Darcy learn civility before or after Lizzie eviscerated him mid-proposal at Rosings? Did Lizzie learn to temper her prejudice before or after Lydia ran away with Wickham?)

“Passed down like folk songs Our love lasts so long“ >> (Elizabeth says herself she’s going to be happier than Jane because “[she] laughs; [her sister] only smiles.”)

I have a couple for Klaroline, too. hoax jumped out at me for them first because it’s layered with darkness and angst. The imagery pops. It’s all smoking guns and eclipsed suns and screaming on cliffsides; which, for a pair of supernaturals, and for an Original who has a history of leaving blood in his wake, I think some visuals of misery and violence are a fitting thing. I’m also obsessed with the piano in this. The way she strokes her fingers over the keys - quick tap, tap, taps then a slow one or two in places - gives you a sense of running. It’s a great parallel to her lyric about “sleepless nights.” Here are some other Klaroline-heavy lyrics in this song:

“You knew it still hurts underneath my scars From when they pulled me apart But what you did was just as dark Darling, this was just as hard As when they pulled me apart” >> (This whole section just booms with “I’ve shown kindness. Forgiveness. Pity. For you, Caroline It was all for you” energy.)

“Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in Don't want no other shade of blue But you No other sadness in the world would do“

peace is the other song that had me crying in Klaroline. I like the softness of it, the vulnerability. I imagine it more from Klaus’s perspective, though, because it strikes me as more confessional in nature. Like it’s a revelation that’s being dragged across his teeth and he wants to scream. Almost as if these aren’t necessarily feelings he wants to share, or wants known, but there’s just no holding them back now. He’s thrown off the lid. Caroline needs to be able to walk toward him with her eyes wide open, so he only speaks truth, he only speaks honesty now. Similar to hoax, this song has darker imagery as well. There’s fire and fences and trenches and all that jazz:

“Your integrity makes me seem small You paint dreamscapes on the wall“ >> (Same energy as “you’re strong, beautiful, full of light.”)

“And you know that I'd Swing with you for the fences Sit with you in the trenches” >> (basically a promise that he’d fight FOR her and WITH her)

“But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm If your cascade ocean wave blues come All these people think love's for show But I would die for you in secret“ >> (THIS IS THE PART THAT HITS ME THE MOST BC so much of Klaus’s love is shown not spoken, so yeah, he dies for her in secret all. the. time. already. There are 5 other ways I could interpret that as well. But I will spare you haha)

“The devil's in the details

“Would it be enough If I could never give you peace?” >>With supernatural enemies everywhere, there won’t be much peace, will there?

I get walloped with Braime/Jaime and Brienne feels every time I listen to epiphany. Like, it’s actually rude how much this song makes me think of them. I can close my eyes and hear their swords clanging, taste the blood of their injuries on my tongue; feel the ash claw their throats, sting their eyes. Just--ah! The two of them serving, fighting back-to-back, two knights with an unspoken oath to protect a love they haven’t even voiced out loud yet...*cries*

“Only twenty minutes to sleep But you dream of some epiphany Just one single glimpse of relief To make some sense of what you've seen

“With you, I serve With you, I fall down Down Watch you breathin' Watch you breathin' out Out“

invisible strings makes me think of Shirbert/Anne and Gilbert. I love the pluck of guitar strings and how it has this air of innocence and sunshine and green grasses about it even though it’s being told/sung from a hilltop of experience. There’s so much imagery in this song, so much color and figurative language, that I can’t help but think it’s perfect for our imaginative dreamy-eyed girl and the boy who’s adored her since he first tugged her pigtails and called her Carrots in that schoolroom:

“Green was the color of the grass Where I used to read at Centennial Park >> (Can’t you just picture Anne lying in the grass, a book in her hand, flowers in her hair?) I used to think I would meet somebody there Teal was the color of your shirt When you were sixteen at the yogurt shop“

“Time, curious time Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs Were there clues I didn't see?“

“Wool to brave the seasons One single thread of gold Tied me to you“ >> (Love the warmth and vibrancy of this. The wool makes me think of Avonlea blanketed in snow; the gold has me drinking sunshine, smelling goldenrod in October)

“Time, wondrous time Gave me the blues and then purple-pink skies“

“And isn't it just so pretty to think All along there was some Invisible string Tying you to me?“ (Love the idea of the string representing their friendship, how it never snipped. How it only braided together, growing tauter, closer, all the time.)

august hits me with a waterfall of Darvey/Donna and Harvey feels. There’s a wistfulness about this song that settles in my gut, twisting it with longing, with musings of all those Almosts in relationships that were so close to coming to fruition then never did. It’s so incredibly reminiscent of how Donna and Harvey toe the lie between friends and almost lovers who-are-nearly-there-but-not-quite for 12 years. IT HURTS SO GOOD.

“Back when we were still changin' for the better >> (THIS IS SO EMOTIONALLY RESONANT IT HURTS) Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Canceled plans just in case you'd call”

But I can see us lost in the memory August slipped away into a moment in time 'Cause it was never mine And I can see us twisted in bedsheets August sipped away like a bottle of wine 'Cause you were never mine >> (Obviously I’m swimming in the angst of this until my fingers get all pruny.) 

Finally there’s mirrorball which is Jisbon/Jane and Lisbon all the way! It’s funny because when I first listened to Folkore I thought that’d be one of the last songs I’d pair with a ship?? YET HERE I AM. Jane was in the carnival circuit growing up and I cannot, for the life of me, stop attaching him to all the descriptions of the circus/revelry. So much of his schtick throughout the show comes down to trickery and observation, which he uses to size people up, and sarcasm, which he often employs as a defense mechanism to keep people at an emotional distance. I like the theme of this song for him and Lisbon. As the mirrorball, he’s shining his true self only for her. She’s the only person who sees his “shattered edges”; she’s not distracted by all his “glistening.” Here are my favorite lyrics that are applicable to them:

“I'm a mirrorball I'll show you every version of yourself tonight

“I can change everything about me to fit in You are not like the regulars The masquerade revelers Drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten” >> (Okay, so this makes me think Jane’s on camera confession to Erica Flynn: “I’m looking for someone who…uh, someone I can trust. Someone strong. Someone at peace with themselves. Someone better than me. Someone who knows the…worst side of me and still loves me.")

“And they called off the circus, burned the disco down When they sent home the horses and the rodeo clowns I'm still on that tightrope I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me”

“I'm still on that trapeze I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me“

I will stop there because otherwise I could sit here analyzing songs and ships for the rest of my life, boring you to tears haha. Thanks for this, lovely! (And obviously I’d love to hear some of your song/ship matchups as well!) xx

[safflowerseason]

What are you thoughts on the Dan and Amy argument scene in 5x03 because honestly I don’t remember a very big one

Oh, Anon. Strap in. I think you have not realized what you have unleashed. 

There is one very simple reason why this fight means so much in the history of Dan and Amy. In this scene, Dan loses the most important thing to him, and he realizes it. 

It’s not a *big* fight in the sense that it lasts very long, or that there’s a lot of yelling. But I would absolutely argue that it’s a very momentous fight for Dan and Amy. It’s my inspiration for all Dan/Amy fights, because it is the only fight they have that’s about their relationship. 

This fight basically severs their emotional relationship until the middle of S6, and also really boils down their connection to its fundamental parts, encapsulating all the reasons why Dan and Amy together are so dysfunctional and yet also so deeply tied to one another. A large part of this is due to the strength of the acting. Both Anna Chlumsky and Reid Scott bring the whole history of Dan and Amy to the forefront of their performances. And I just think this scene is played so well, particularly by Reid Scott, who brings out this very subtle but dangerous edge to the argument. Ultimately, this is one of the very few scenes where we see Dan care about something that’s not his professional ambition or his ability to fuck whoever he wants at will, and we see that in RS’s performance. However Mandel was directing (…or not directing) this scene, Dan and Amy’s emotional connection is not played for laughs here, as it is so often for the remaining seasons. It’s one of the few Mandel-era scenes that treats Dan and Amy’s relationship very seriously.

In this vein, the fight also possesses a particular meta-importance as well, because it’s one of the last *real* scenes that Dan and Amy share before Mandel’s vision for the show fully set in. Dan is pre-Mandelian Dan, an ambitious asshole who’s got a crush on Amy and literally cannot handle it in any way approximating healthy. By the end of S5, Mandelian Dan has begun to emerge—this merry, stupid, politics-bro incapable of any genuine emotion and who just sees Amy as his “buddy.” It’s definitely one of the last real scenes Reid Scott has where he’s getting to do something meaty. There are some decent moments in S6, where you see his frustration with his new career come through, but he’s separated from most of the main cast, so they don’t have the same overall impact within the show. 

In other words, this scene actually feels like it matters for Dan and Amy. It doesn’t feel like some upside-down absurd nightmare where everyone is casually acting out in monstrous ways because nothing matters. Dan did something shitty, and he faces the very real consquences of his actions in this fight with Amy.

The challenge of this scene is that basically by the end of S5, Veep is a different show, so I think looking back from that perspective, and considering especially the trajectory of Dan’s character, I can see why the weight of it might dissolve. Dan and Amy still work together frequently after 5.03, but we don’t really see the emotional dimension of their relationship the way we used to, except for Dan driving out to Maryland to bother Amy at her parents’ house, and Amy’s dad going off on him in the Brookheimer kitchen (and still, the show completely dodges the significance of that whole interlude.) This kind of works in the sense that Amy has obviously tried to cut off any emotional connection the two of them have, even if she’s still forced to rely on him for work, but the show never explores that notion. Significantly, as we get further and further in S5, the action within each episode starts to matter less and less, not to mention time and space start to bend in weird ways. 

Still, if you pretend S7 does not exist, you can trace changes in Dan’s behavior to this fight where he loses Amy, the primary example of course being that he starts sleeping around more aggressively. 

Because I’m truly obsessed with this fight and also want to procrastinate, I’m going to close read it now so everyone will understand my deep obsession with it. (But I’m going to preserve everyone’s timelines from my obsessive insanity.) Ahem. 

Context: So, Dan has slept with Sophie because he thought she could get him a job at CBS News. (Which is a patently ridiculous idea. Dan would know if Amy had a sister who worked at CBS News, not to mention the fact that he has met Sophie before and obviously knows enough about Amy’s family to refer to Sophie’s children as “illegitimate.” But to be clear, I do absolutely believe that S5 Dan would sleep with Amy’s sister, if Amy’s sister worked in television. I just don’t believe that Dan would buy that Sophie works at CBS News.) 

Dan does this right after Amy communicates to him that…she’d like to have sex with him.

It’s a huge admission for Amy, considering her past with Dan, and makes Dan’s betrayal a million times worse. In Amy’s head, she can’t believe she was so fucking stupid a second time. Instead of confirmation that Dan is attracted to her, she gets confirmation that no matter how much Dan likes her as a person, he’s still going to fuck her over with her sister in the pursuit of his career. It’s like a repeat of what he did to her when they ‘dated’, except a million times worse, because their relationship is much deeper than it was at the beginning of S1 and also because it’s her sister. HER HORRIBLE SISTER. 

Amy’s implied invitation to Dan carries with it all the weight of their arc over the course of the previous four seasons. They have grown much closer together than they were at the beginning of S1. Dan has proven himself to be there for Amy in very meaningful ways. They know each other much more intimately now, and they rely on each other a lot more. And Dan is a genuine person around Amy in a way he is around no one else. Even if Amy has not grasped that Dan is attracted to her, I do believe she understands on some level that she brings out Dan’s most human qualities. 

Also, Dan TOTALLY understood what Amy was saying to him. His smug expression said it all. He decides to sleep with Sophie after he’s already decided to go for it with Amy. Bleah. As much this essay is delving into Dan’s psyche and trying to understand and explain why he acts so horribly, it’s absolutely not a justification for him being shitty and mean to Amy. He deserves to be tortured forever. 

So, fast forward twenty-four hours. Dan approaches Amy at the end of the day, looking all cute with his stupid laptop bag. At first, the conversation begins like a normal one:

Jesus, you're still here? 

I don't know why. My only jobs seem to be asking Bob and finding out what Bob thinks.

Ugh. They’re still work spouses in this moment. 

Yeah, it's been pretty fun to watch. (pause) So you want to grab a drink or something?

First, we must notice how quiet Reid Scott is playing Dan so far. There’s almost none of Dan’s usual swagger. He sounds like he’s had a shitty day and he wants to go blow off steam with his best friend. Second, he is just a bit purposeful about asking her for drinks. He does this cute little shoulder-shrug thing! Like, we know Dan and Amy have had a thousand after-work drinks by now. They were lobbying together for months. Dan’s making it a thing for a reason (because he slept with Sophie and he knows that’s a shitty thing to do.) 

Third, what the hell is Dan doing by basically asking Amy out after he’s slept with her sister? 

Two things: he wants to pretend like nothing has happened, that the status-quo between them has not changed. It’s also his way of communicating to Amy that sleeping with Sophie doesn’t change anything about their relationship, in his mind. In other words—sleeping with Sophie hasn’t changed the fact that Dan still wants to get drinks with Amy and tease Amy and talk to her all the time. In Dan’s head, Sophie was basically a business decision that failed, so nothing needs to change. They can still be Dan and Amy. Maybe they can even have sex. 

Because Amy is not an emotionally stunted robot, this logic obviously does not work with her, and so she declines his invitation. 

No, thanks. Oh, but…

(Dan shrugs and starts to turn away.) 

Reid Scott’s expression here is a great combination of “hangdog” and “whatever, I don’t care.” Notice that Dan is still *quiet.* He doesn’t fight with Amy, he doesn’t try to get her to choose his company over work. It feels like Dan is maybe aware that he can’t really demand Amy’s time right now, all things considered. It’s time to go lick his wounds in private. 

…on your way, would you mind stopping at ABC News and picking up some Advil? Oh, did I say ABC News? I meant Rite Aid.

What a poisonously mocking delivery by Anna Chlumsky. She can’t help herself. And even though she is obviously hurt and furious, there’s a kind of power there. She can at least make fun of Dan for being so fucking stupid and short-sighted that he misheard CVS for CBS.

And Dan obviously embarrassed and angry at himself for sleeping with Sophie (I mean, duh, he’s gotten literally nothing out of it). And on top of feeling humiliated, there’s Amy, the one person he possesses real regard for, simultaneously mocking him for how stupid he was and denying him something he wants—her company. He wants to forget what happened, and Amy won’t let him. No one can get at Dan like Amy can, and she goes right for his masculine ego. Which is basically all he has. 

And so he lashes out at her, with the one tool left to him—reminding Amy that he chose her sister over her. 

Yeah, you know what, I think you're forgetting something, Amy, it’s that I still had sex with your sister.

The way Reid Scott says this line is just so awful. The smirk on his face is deadly. There’s none of his usual warmth—it’s like if he were actually the villainous DC sociopath everyone thinks he is, instead of an insecure asshole with a really handsome face. He’s angry, with himself and with Amy for refusing to forget that it happened, and the only thing he can do is take his anger out on her. And the way he eases into the line, with that little “yeah” at the beginning…he knows what he’s doing. He knows what he’s done with their relationship. He goes right for it as the way to hurt Amy. He fucked up, and he can’t handle it and he can’t deal with Amy mocking him for it, so he just has to rub it into Amy’s face. 

And Amy is angry right back at him, for being so terrible, and she’s also angry at herself, for believing Dan had changed. She looks like she’s swallowing down a scream. Nothing about this scene is really funny. These are two people who possess so much feeling for one other, and yet they’re also ready to hurt each other in order to save themselves from the reality of what it means to care for someone else: the fact that another person can hurt you. 

…So good night, have a pleasant evening, and I had sex with your sister.

(Dan exits.)

And the camera lingers on Dan’s whole exit, which is significant. When have we ever seen Dan voluntarily leave a fight with Amy? 

You might actually want to go to Rite Aid. Get some Valtrex. (pause, then rustling) Dan?

Amy gets one last parting shot, and the fight is over. I can’t quite figure out from Anna Chlumsky’s delivery if she calls for Dan because the rustling is unsettling, or if she think he’s making the noise, but either way…Dan is gone. 

So, Anon. That’s why this fight is so important. Either I’ve convinced you or terrified you with my obsessive analysis. 

[mittensmorgul]

9.06, Heaven Can't Wait.

YAY! BOBO!

so I neglected to mention Buddy Boyle and Bartholomew the fallen angel, and all the angel factions forming in the 9.03 report because I was trying to get through it as fast as possible, but ugh... guess I gotta mention them eventually. There, I mentioned them, just about as much as this episode did. :P

But this is directly relevant to Cas's current state of mind, which is relevant to the overall plot of this episode, because of Rit Zien angel and why he's come to this town where Cas has tried to make a life for himself as Sales Associate Steve. The Rit Zien seeks out pain-- originally mortal wounds on battlefields-- and either heals or else "humanely puts down" angels he cannot heal. Except, as Cas will explain in this episode, he doesn't understand human emotions, and that emotional pain is temporary... and then we learn that the Rit Zien was drawn to this town by the magnitude of Cas's suffering specifically. Which, if that's not a statement on Cas's current emotional state, I don't know what is.

The first victim we see is a man who literally hangs up on a suicide prevention hotline because he lost his wife. He even has a gun, but changes his mind when faced with the Rit Zien, but he gets exploded into pink goo anyway.

The next is a high school girl suffering a normal level of teenage angst, telling a friend she could just die of embarrassment because her boyfriend broke up with her in the cafeteria in front of everyone but in no way meaning it literally, and poof... pain disintegrated.

Despite his own pain having been kicked out of the bunker and feeling completely abandoned by Dean, Cas still calls Dean to alert him to the strange cases in town, but tells Dean he won't participate in the hunt. Dean manages to track Cas down working at the Gas N Sip anyway (Cas never told him where he worked), and pulls Cas into working the case with him.

There's the whole Nora thing, which Cas thought was a date but was actually a babysitting job... When the Rit Zien shows up for Cas, he thinks it's for the baby, running a fever and crying. But he's actually there for Cas.

CASTIEL: How'd you find me? EPHRAIM: Because you're warded? The same way I find all my patients – I just followed the sound of your pain. You have no idea how loud it is. I could hear you for miles.

And then the question we've been waiting on an answer for ever since:

EPHRAIM: Shh-shh-shhh. It'll be over soon. I'll take the pain away. CASTIEL: I want to live. EPHRAIM: But as what, Castiel? As an angel? or a man?

Because back in s9, this question remains directly tied to PAIN. To SUFFERING.

CASTIEL (to the baby): Nobody told you. Nobody explained. You're just … shoved out kicking and screaming into this human life, without any idea why any of it feels the way it feels, or why this confusion, which feels like it's … a hair's breadth (The baby stops crying.) from terror or pain. You know, just when you think you do understand, it'll turn out you're wrong. You didn't understand anything at all. Guess that's just how it is when you're new at this.

He thought he understood, and he's only just beginning to truly understand (and I mean, Crowley as almost-human this season too, despite having been human originally long ago, still suffers with the burden of human emotions, equating what demons and angels are capable of feeling even way back here, long before 10.03 when Cas will make that same comparison).

Cas is feeling the guilt of what's happened to the angels, and he's already hurting over it. So when Sam and Kevin discover (with Crowley's help) that the angel fall spell is irreversible, Dean doesn't tell Cas that fact thinking he's protecting Cas from even worse guilt. But meanwhile, it's still a major source of Cas's pain (and Dean's pain, because hell if he doesn't want to bring Cas back to the bunker here, but can't as long as Sam isn't healed enough...)

EVERYBODY'S SUFFERING! Lies all around. Dean specifically tells Sam that he won't be seeing Cas on this hunt, and yet he spends the entire time pretty much with Cas. But also Dean, lying to everyone, trying to manage his mounting lies in the name of protecting (or in the language of 14.08, "not wanting to burden them") or just out of pure FEAR because this situation is officially so far above his pay grade and he can't even talk to ANYONE about how bad it actually is without the whole thing crumbling down around him... and that's not even considering the Fallen Angels Fighting Amongst Themselves situation on top of all his personal shit...

Which interestingly is paralleled in the experiences of young Dean in the flashbacks in the next episode...

spn 9.07, Bad Boys.

Dean's put in a situation way above his pay grade, having been left to "rot" by John after getting in trouble for shoplifting enough for him and Sam to eat while John was off somewhere else on a hunt and Dean had been left in charge again. John had demanded that Dean tell Sam a very different story, one that not only covered Dean's "shame" at having been caught shoplifting and abandoned by John for several months while Sam was "shipped off to Bobby's" (and remember, Sam would've been about 11 years old at the time, ie old enough to have understood the truth of the situation, but maybe not why John refused to get Dean from Sonny's, that to John this was a form of punishment for Dean-- both isolation from everything he's ever known AND forced separation from Sam, like John was punishing him for failing to take care of Sam by isolating him completely...), but also was about John hiding his OWN culpability in any of this happening in the first place. Child abandonment, neglect, the fact he regularly left the boys on their own and disappeared for weeks or months at a time leaving them to fend for themselves on whatever meager sum he left them. Which, I mean, YIIIIIKES.

And this episode was really the start of my "sanitized for sammy" and "the story became the story" tags, of how fundamental to their codependency these small lies have always been, since they were children (and yeah, we saw that going all the way back to s1, with 1.18, 3.08, 4.13... pretty much all the flashback episodes, but this is where Dean gave that calculated deception a name-- "the story became the story.")

We really see the extent of Dean's lifelong struggle with managing all these secrets begins to break down, which exactly parallels his "bigger story arc" issues in early s9. With all that in mind, it's no wonder he breaks and feels his ultimate failure connected with the collapse of the tower of lies that all started with the best of intentions, and just spiraled out of his control. All in the name of protecting his loved ones.

Kinda like Dean trying to keep John's horrific final words from Sam back in s2 (even though that only lasted a few episodes), kinda like Sam hiding the truth back in s4, kinda like Cas hiding the truth in s6. So now they all will have this fun little problem in common (less dumb, less ass...)

But more interesting to me than the actual circumstances of this episode specifically, is how these lies begin to slowly unravel throughout the episode, and how the truth finally coming out affects everything going forward.

First Sam begins to learn the truth about that time, but it's still not really the whole truth. Dean plays it off as his own fault, shrugging the experience off. Sam also can't figure out why Dean's not only kept in touch with Sonny all these years, but also actually told him the truth about the hunting. The deeper truth slowly comes out in bits and pieces. And then there's Robin, who Dean never told the truth to in the past who learns it all in a shocking way... seeing it first-hand.

This had been Dean's one real "escape to normalcy" of the sort that Sam had spent most of his life running away toward (and which Dean's being forced by circumstance now to push Cas toward... let's not forget that the original airing order of these episodes put 9.06 AFTER this episode... which is why I've smooshed the two of these into one way-too-long post). And let's remember that it was only Dean's need to make sure Sam was safe that got him to leave Sonny's and return to John. He talked about his interest in fixing cars in this episode, and he could've had that life if he'd chosen to stay, because Sonny agreed to fight for him if he wanted that.

But even by the end of the episode, Sam only knows part of the truth, and Dean's still trying to protect himself with that tiny shard of a lie:

Sam: You just got lucky? Kind of like you did with this place. I mean, here I was thinking this was the worst part of your life, and it turns out it was the best. Why'd you ever leave? Dean: Never felt right. Sam: Really? Dean: It was two months, Sam, okay? And I couldn't wait to get out of here. I don't know what to tell you. It wasn't me.

And he can't bring himself to burden Sam with the truth, that it was literally Sam himself and his duty to protect him that made him choose to leave.

Then there's Timmy, losing his mother in a fire, Dean thinking it's the "I Clobber Evil" action figure that the mother's ghost is tied to, when in fact it was Timmy himself. Because it's not exactly that Dean sees himself in Timmy-- repeatedly running away from foster homes, clinging to "imaginary friends" -- It's SAM. He talks to Timmy like we have to imagine 16-year-old Dean would've talked to SAM. And doesn't that just say it all here.

And using this “decoder ring” of a couple episodes to help us unravel what happens when these dudes try to protect each other, to “not burden each other” with these sorts of secrets, things almost universally go sideways. Because this is, yes, what Cas was thinking in hiding his deal with the Empty to trade himself for Jack, but it’s also the sort of smaller concerns from each other regarding Jack’s behavior after 14.14. Each of them were worried for Jack, each of them had noticed small things in Jack, but NONE of them wanted to admit the truth to themselves, let alone to each other. Each of them held their tongues, not wanting to worry each other over Jack, or unfairly burden each other for nothing when all they really have are their individual suspicions and no actual concrete evidence that Jack’s soul is actually gone, you know? But the consequences of trying to protect each other are far more grave in s14...

[sol1056]

six anons: wtf were they thinking

Another round-up! I seem to have poked the hornet’s nest when it comes to the EPs --- though in some ways I was just building on the same clues that prompted such awesome meta from @janestrider​ and @ptw30​ --- and now I have a box filling up with asks, all over again.

Behind the cut: newbie writers, EP arrogance, earlier versions of S7, writerly randomness, EPs aren’t writers, and over-confidence. Welp. 

Let’s get this started.

Your words about being fascinated by this trainwreck is me 100%, I'm a newbie writer & I wouldn't dream of being this arrogant and think I can handle writing something like VLD by myself, like, premise and character arcs and characterization and consistency etc. are in my mind at all times and I still would have messed things up, but minor things like that don't even matter to the EPs apparently! VLD Is a giant What Not To Do list. How did they miss the 50 signs saying Danger: Cliff Up Ahead

and a second in the same vein:

Calling the EPs newbie writers is highly inaccurate methinks, newbie writers upon getting the reins ... sit down and write the rest of the story from scratch, trying to make it make sense and not completely ruin the premise and the character arcs. Regardless of success, they WRITE the rest, they don’t assemble random story points others wrote & copy paste things around. EPs aren’t writers.

Well, there’s newbie and there’s newbie-who-doesn’t-realize-it. 

Consider someone who’s ridden the train, every day, for the past ten or so years, always sitting in the first car near the conductor. They’ve been on the train when it’s broken down, when it’s late, when it’s early, when it has to plow through snow. Then someone offers them a supervisory position -- not as a driver, just a supervisor -- and they figure, hey, I’ve watched this enough, I can drive, too. Plus, the EPs had the power to force the real drivers to step aside, which just makes the entire situation even worse.  

In other words, they missed the signs because they didn’t even realize such signs exist. Those things you don’t learn (or even see) when you’re only watching from the outside. 

You, and everyone else replying, are classifying yourself more as the person who’s gotten a job on the train, and you kinda know trains, and you know they can break down, but driving it? Whole ‘nother ball of wax. 

Hold onto that humility. It’ll serve you well as a writer. Even once you reach the point you can confidently handle a complicated storyline, you still want to retain that humility, because it’s one-half of keeping empathy for your readers. 

The irony is, they were so arrogant in their belief they could do better than actual storytellers w/ years of experience (also presumably execs who checked up on them) that they not only loudly (and unprofessionally) complained about specific parts, but also broadcasted that they changed the story, and gave many clues as to where and above all why. 

You have no idea how many times in the past two years my jaw has dropped in complete shock when yet another EP quote has gone by on my dash. I cannot fathom making public that I disagreed with my bosses --- let alone using an interview to re-litigate a case I’d already lost. Well, I could, but only if I didn’t expect to have a job much longer. And that bit about doing “damage control” as a result of exec demands? Jeepers crow, dude. 

(there have been points where all I can say is, ‘wtf do these people have on their bosses to get away with this!?’ photograph negatives for blackmail? sleeping with an exec? I mean, srsly.)

On a more serious note, I’m constantly reminded of the old adage about innkeepers: you want to appear as a swan, gliding peaceful and serene, and never let the guests see that you’re paddling as fast as fuck under the surface. These EPs need a major come-to-jesus about that, because they’ve gone out of their way to splash loudly on a regular basis.

Then again, I don’t think either EP has much (if any) experience with interviews where they’re the main attraction. They seem ignorant of the fact that an interviewer is not your friend; there’s an agenda, and that agenda is to get clicks: something controversial, surprising, that’ll bring the eyeballs. The good interviewers can and will manipulate for their agenda. This is why PR people are usually present (if off-screen), because they’ll know the warning signs and call a halt, set certain questions (or answers) as off-limits. 

Most of the EPs’ interviews, there’s been no sign of PR. Hell, the EPs have admitted in interviews they couldn’t remember what had happened in the season they’re being interviewed about! (wtf srsly wtf) If we got more than we should’ve, that’s also on the EPs for not realizing they were getting played. 

And while I’m at it: an interview is not where you tell the story. Explain what did happen? Sure, though that’s a tacit acknowledgement that the story failed, if it requires your explanation after the fact. But to tell things that are vital to the story but don’t actually happen in the story? No. Just no. 

did we really get an interview where the EPs confirmed there was an original script with Shiro as the Black Paladin? If that's the case then HOLY CRAP. Talk about a missed opportunity.

Yep, I saw the quote but didn’t chase down the source. I think it was one of the interviews shortly after S7 aired. You’d need to ask someone who still reads all those interviews, since I don’t. I only see what goes past on my dash.

Well, missed opportunity but also... we all know (or should know) that the first idea is never what makes it to page or screen. And once the story’s done and the dust has settled, then you can do a track commentary about how the story changed between idea and execution. 

While the story’s in progress? Nope, nope, nope. You smile and say it’s all going according to plan, it’s an awesome season, you hope everyone enjoys it, everyone went the extra mile, etc. You say nothing about the disasters, the late-night sessions, the last-minute changes. If you can’t be a swan, be a cat: yep, we totally meant to do that.

To say what JDS did? I still cannot fathom why anyone would ever say that. There is no fandom on this planet that wouldn’t have some percentage enraged by news they’d been denied the story they’d expected. Hinting at discarded paths will always, always, disappoint someone --- and quite often, a lot more someones than you realize. 

Really, the only reason I can see is sheer contempt. For the audience, for the story, for anyone who’d worked on that previous version. It’s gloating. It’s saying, a lot of people worked on it, but we decided to throw away everything they’d done, and redo it as we wanted. 

Yes, I know that happens. It’s part of the process. But you don’t freaking boast about it, and you don’t plant in everyone’s head that there was something else out there. Especially when that something else was exactly what they’d been waiting for. 

It’s an asshole move, no two ways around it. 

@janestrider's post and yours about the VLD writers and EPs reminded me of a phrase JDS said in one interview after S6 about Cosmo ... "well, I wanted to give Keith a wolf, so I did". ... he doesn't seem to consider the consequences of his actions? That's also how he decided to write the Black Paladins episode ... "I wanted to make it a Winter Soldier type of thing, so I did". It feels like something a very unexperienced professional would do.

There’s no rule against throwing something into a story that you think is cool. I mean, easily 90% of any story out there revolves around something the author thinks is just freaking cool. Considering the hours we’re going to spend writing, revising, writing again, revising again, discussing, thinking, living, breathing, eating, dreaming about the story? It’d better be something we find cool. 

But that said... there’s a difference between making sure the story fires you up, and treating the story like a tossed salad. I’ve seen multiple pull-quotes from LM that affirm their approach was to chase the rule-of-cool. And... that’s not quite so okay, really. 

The Black Paladins episode is probably the best example, and ironic that it’s the only one JDS wrote, ‘cause it’s textbook failure. If you cannot hold the entire story in your head, then you will be blind as to how tossing in this idea or that -- no matter how cool -- may halt, muddy, or even undermine the story’s forward movement. When you can’t even pace a story properly, throwing in extra cool is just going to make the whole thing even more rickety. 

I did a long walk-through on that episode to outline how I’d translate it into a written story, and I’d planned to do a follow-up talking about the emotional aspect. The problem is... once I had a chance to think about the episodes after, there is no emotional context to that fight. Sure, it got a huge budget and attention, and it’s hyped like a big deal. 

But there’s no there, there. 

None of it matters. Keith went through all that for someone who wasn’t even his friend, someone who dies (or whatever) right after and is treated like an empty shell. And the one who rescued him wasn’t even the person he’d fought, but the person he’d thought he was fighting for and with -- who was dead, the whole time. The two episodes that follow basically gut the entire premise --- and all the emotion --- of that fight scene, and render it null. 

And that’s where the rule-of-cool smashes up against the need to hold the shape of the story in your head. You need to see the big picture of how each scene supports the story’s theme. JDS hasn’t the chops to see how what he’d created was promptly undone by what came next. 

Oh, I’m aware there are lots of fans who loved that episode and he sure basked in the accolades, but I can’t ignore that in the end, it means nothing. No one pointed out this will impact another thing downstream, or this later thing undermines what came before, or this breaks a continuous motif, or contradicts a theme. Anything. 

Or maybe someone did, and JDS told them that as the EP, he got the final say. Frankly, from the way he talks in interviews, I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if that’s how it went down. 

@lysanatt commented on a post:

This to some degree even explains the over-confidence of EPs that avoiding the BYGs trope did not apply to them because, sure, they could do it better, landing them in the exact trap of doing a classic double BYG.

Call it what it is. It’s not over-confidence. It’s arrogance.

It’s complacency in over-estimating social capital as to what an audience might forgive or overlook. It’s an assumption that job titles or IMDB entries or the nice things people had said on twitter could be protection from being held accountable. It’s certainty that a rigid and uncreative vision of the story can and should override all other concerns, including the larger playing field in which this story is only one of millions. 

It’s a lack of concern for real-world damage. A lack of care for the craft. A lack of understanding that there even is a craft and it’s not learned overnight. A lack of willingness to stop and think about what the story is saying, what it means, what it’s trying to do. 

It’s an inflexible certainty, engendered and enabled by the near-constant attentive interviews and adoring reviews. It’s an inability to hold onto (or listen to) any reality-checks when it comes to hype. It’s falling so hard into enjoying the ego-strokes of constant interview and congratulatory reviewers and forgetting no one is doing anything out of altruistic reasons. Including them. 

In the end, it’s a complete failure of empathy. It’s near-constant trolling of execs and the audience at large, a broken record of obvious contempt. It’s an amoral and frankly callous disregard for the characters, the story, the messages, the themes. 

It’s never seeing the characters as people, and never seeing the audience as people, either. Stories matter because we, as human beings, care about other human beings, real or fictional --- a care the EPs have made clear they cannot, or will not, afford anyone but themselves. 

[klance]

s6 rambles

Done with s6 after a century because I don’t have the energy to stay up until 2am to wait until it drops but here I am! Obvious warning but pls don’t read this if you don’t want s6 spoilers (I’ll be tagging future s6 posts with “#voltron s6 spoilers” like always) but also if you don’t like me criticizing the season heavily with very subjective opinions...don’t read 😕my perspective may not align with yours and that’s ok (that includes uhh sh*laddin hate lol though sorry)

Moving on

I think I’ll put my thoughts into bullets like I did last time so it won’t look so disorganized 😐

Sooo I’m gonna start out by saying after some consideration I realy...did not like eps 1-4 lmfao (except for the d&d ep). It was a number of things that did it for me: some parts were too fast paced, most characters felt out of character??, and do not get me started on the cringey unnecessary heterosexual romance moments...u know that post that’s like “that gay feel when you feel a sense of horror/foreboding when the piece of media ur enjoying starts suggesting tension between a guy and girl out of literally nowhere” ya I felt that all the way until lotor and alluras kiss lol

I’ve hated lotor since the first time he appeared in this show and i always had a bad feeling about him and now i know why. I’m glad my girl, gut feeling, has my back

I feel like this season really demonstrated how all over the place the writing feels sometimes once again. I think I needed a refresher from s5 but I feel like I’ve felt this since s3(even tho I loved s3). Just the weird back and forth between acxa and them and lotor and haggar, krolia and keith going to the place where they kept having flashbacks because I honestly do not remember if they explained why they were going there in the first place, and the black lion allowing both Keith and shiro to pilot them even though that shiro wasn’t....really shiro....and the blue lion in s3? S4? had rejected lance to the point he had to use the red lion like WHY only the black lion is like that why not the blue lion or every damn lion. idk I feel like this is just my frustration over lances shitty characterization boiling over

Contrary to all of this there were a lot of other things I enjoyed

Romelle

CORAN

allura being a literal goddess? Even though she was once again put through shitty pain and betrayal after everything :( she really did That and saved everyone for like the 500th time and fucking sent lotor to the shadow realm like he deserves to even know we all know his ass is coming back eventually

Allura and lances friendship. I cannot say it enough, just their endless support for each other since s3. And ya that even includes lances suddenly serious crush on allura which I think is really fucking cute although lol I’m hoping dw doesn’t pull what I’m thinking they will where allura feels forced to reciprocate lances feelings even though she’s never shown anything other than friendly affection to lance (like often happens with female characters in media and just heteronormativity in general ...)

The castle of lions being destroyed actually had me crying so fucking much I hate it

The animation, fight sequences, and dramatization in eps 5 and 7 were breathtaking. I’m pretty sure it was obvious but someone else worked on ep5 right? It just looked really cool and amazing and unique from other eps

That brings me to keith and shiros fight in ep5....we have only a little more backstory on their relationship since the garrison and it really only ever solidified to me their sibling relationship (if the blatant “you’re my brother” keith said....For the 2nd time wasn’t obvious) which is why I just cannot comprehend why people like them together and it only really make me think people that do like incest as well. Don’t even get me started on the age difference,another huge factor

They’re going to back to earth holy shit ;___;

Shiro pls be ok. Again

And that’s it overall I think I would give the season a 5 or 6 out of 10 because of all these things...again this is only my takeaway and I know everyone else will not feel the same! If anything I think I’ll need some more time to digest the season maybe rewatch it when I can to see if my opinion changes. But then again I’ve been here from the very beginning, through ups and downs so I really do feel like this season was just...in the very middle

What about you guys? Did you enjoy the season? Hate it? Miss klance? lol