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something-tofightfor · 6 years ago

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Just a Place - Part 3

Pairing: Ryan Brenner x Reader

Word Count: 6100

Rating: M (language)

Summary: Ryan plays his fist “big” show, which results in having to tell Georgie, Matthew and Jack about his future plans

** You will not understand a darn thing in this if you haven’t read “Neon Lights”, which can be found on my masterlist page **

Author’s Note: A long update, and we STILL don’t even get to the part that I really want to write. Whatever. This story is leading me, and I’m not about to try to fight it.

Tag list: @agent-bossypants @ooo-barff-ooo @likethetailofacomet @traeumerinwitzhelden @mfackenthal @songtoyou @obscurilicious @elanor-of-imladris @thesumofmychoices @suchatinyinfinity @audreychaz

Let me know if you want me to tag you in on this one!

POV: Ryan

He was absolutely buzzing with adrenaline and the sounds of applause and cheers from the crowd were still ringing in his ears even though they’d been offstage for almost ten minutes. Ryan hadn’t tried opening his eyes once while they performed their first song, but as he’d paused for breath after finishing it, he’d risked looking out over the audience, hearing and seeing the response… and it had been positive. Ryan’s confidence had grown as they played, his eyes moving over the crowd and back and forth to the men he was onstage with, and by the middle of song three, his first original, the first thing he’d ever recorded, Ryan felt that he’d hit his stride and the nerves were gone. I love this. This feels right. Finding you again before introducing the final song as “the one I wrote for the girl I love”, he bit his lip, reached up to push the hair away from his face and then lost himself in the music as he played, Georgie and Matt and Jack the perfect accompaniment to his guitar. This is great.

Finishing the song, Ryan hadn’t even noticed that he’d stood up and was playing your guitar hard, but the roar of the crowd brought him back into focus, and even as he raised one hand, waving at the few hundred people that were watching and thanking them for their attention, Ryan knew that no matter what he did - no matter where his life with you took him, writing and performing his own music would need to be a part of it. He turned to you again, mouthing your name and “love you” before grinning - a face-splitting smile that he could feel in his cheeks before walking off the stage. Almost immediately, he felt someone’s hand on his back, thumping hard. “Ryan, that was incredible!” He nodded his head, still trying to wrap his mind around what he’d just done, the pride that he felt in his own playing and singing - as well as that of his friends. The four of them made quick work of stowing their instruments in the room that they’d been given backstage, taking to some of the other musicians before making their way to the gate that led them back to the area where the crowd was. Gotta get back to you, so we can watch the rest of the show. Ryan was just about to pull his phone out to text you when he heard Georgie call out his name.

“Wanna go get a beer, Ryan? We can come back for our instruments later, and we can talk about what’s next, when we’re gonna jump.” Next? Ryan turned to face his friend, brow furrowed slightly. “What? We can probably get onto another one or two of these festival things in the Midwest before the summer’s over - maybe even find some bars to play in, or venues. Maybe Kenny can get you back in with him. There are plenty of places to stop off.” Ryan licked his lips, but didn’t speak, his fingers still closed around the phone in his pocket. “We can make some money, book some more studio time, record some more of the -”

“I’m not goin’ back to the trains, Georgie.” He spoke quietly, finally letting go of the phone and using the same hand to run his fingers through his hair. “I’m not… I’m done travelin’ like that.” Georgie’s eyes widened and Jack pressed his lips together, shooting a look over at Matt. “I wanna make music and keep playin’, but… I don’t want to live like that anymore.” Ryan’s heart was pounding but his voice was firm. “This is it for me.” Georgie didn’t respond for a moment, and Ryan looked over at the other two, watching as Jack shot him a sympathetic smile, Matt nodding once - understanding written all over his face.

“What?” Georgie shook his head, eyes narrowing. “What do you mean you’re done Ryan?”

“I mean that breaking my wrist really fucked up a lot of things for me and put some other things in perspective, man.” Let me explain this so you understand. Ryan shook his head, tongue wetting his lips as he continued. “I couldn’t play, but I could sing, and I felt… off. I was in one place for months, but it was nice to have a routine. It was nice to know what to expect.” Georgie just looked at him, arms crossed over his chest, eyes narrowed. “The train’s dangerous, Georgie, we know that. Bein’ alone is dangerous. I don’t want to be alone. This is.. It’s the right decision for me.” Ryan sighed, closing his eyes and taking a breath as he cracked his neck. “I can still come to you if you want to record, we can still-”

“You gonna shack up with the rich girl, Ryan?” His eyes flew open and Ryan stared at Georgie, his mouth hanging ajar. “I didn’t think much of it after Vegas - hell, she inspired you to write that song, so you’re two for two there, but… now? You find her again and figure that you can play house with her and have that easy life, hmm? Give it all up for her? That you’re better than us because you’ve got someone to take care of you?”

“That’s not -” Ryan narrowed his eyes, feeling his heartbeat quicken for an entirely different reason than before. “She doesn’t want to...I’m not -”

“You tried that once before, Ryan. And look at how that turned out for you in Utah. Jackie tried to cage you, tried to give you the life she thought you’d want, turn you into somethin’ else because she filled your head with it.” Why does everyone bring her up? Georgie jabbed a finger out toward the crowd, where you were. “This one’s no different, except this one has money and doesn’t have a kid for you to take care of. after you get home from work.” He laughed, the sound cruel even over the sounds of the acoustic guitar player that was onstage. “I looked her up, Ryan. I know all about her and her life. What are you gonna do, Ryan? Move in with her? Live in that.. mansion outside of Philadelphia, get a dog, a full time job, play music on the side when she’s not tellin’ you what else to do?” The look on his face turning into a sneer, Georgie continued, stepping closer while Ryan held his ground. “She another Jackie, Ryan? You fell for that one right away too, let her charm you, and look what happened. Didn’t even take a few months for you to get itchy, to want to get back on the train and away from her. It’s in your blood, Ryan, you’ve been doing it for too long to -”

“I sold my parents’ house, actually.” Shit. Ryan’s head whipped to the side, and he felt himself deflate as he saw you standing a few feet away, blanket folded and over one shoulder, your hands hangng at your sides. “Closing date is in a few weeks, I’m just finishing getting everything together to move out.” Ryan’s head turned back to Georgie, who still wore a defiant look on his face. “I meant what I said the other night, Ryan can do whatever he wants to do. I didn’t ask him to stay with me, or to stop doing what he loves.” He swallowed, moving closer to you, but you shook your head and Ryan saw that though your eyes were bright with anger, you were fighting to hold it together. “The last thing I want him to do is give this -” You gestured with your hand back at the stage and the crowd. “Give this up for me. He shouldn’t have to.” You shook your head at Georgie, who had yet to say another word. “I’d never let him.” You finally turned to look at Ryan, and though you held your hands out in front of you to keep him from stepping closer, he saw that you weren’t angry with him. “Make sure you get my dad’s guitar back to me, OK?” He felt himself nodding, but Ryan was numb, still in disbelief that the night had taken such a turn, that you’d denied his advance after hearing the way his friend was talking about you. “I’ll… be back in the room.”

As you turned to walk away, Jack called out your name, stepping forward and tugging on Matt’s arm. “Hey.” You stopped, looking back over your shoulder. “Let us come back with you.” Your eyes darted to Ryan for a split second and he nodded once - just barely. “Public transportation’s no fun alone on a Friday, and we’re done here.” Ryan saw the grateful look in your eye as you accepted the invitation, but you didn’t look back at him as the three of you walked away - and that hurt worse than anything else. A few moments later, you’d melted into the crowd and he was left with Georgie, who had made no move to walk away or to back down. This needs to stop.

“Walk with me. Now.” Ryan’s tone was icy, the words sharp. “We need to talk, Georgie.” With a chuckle, the other man gestured toward the open space of the park, and when the sounds of the concert had faded into background noise, the two men stopped. Ryan leaned against a tree, thinking carefully about what he wanted to say. “First of all.” Ryan took a breath. “You’re going to apologize to her for that.” Georgie laughed, scratching at the side of his head. “No, you are. That was uncalled for.”

“I only said the truth, Ryan.” He’s serious right now. Ryan stared at the other man - his friend - wordlessly. “You get sidetracked when it comes to women, Ryan. It’s like you need ‘em to feel whole no matter how bad they are for you.” She’s not bad for me. Georgie shook his head again. “You were gone on Jackie from the minute she stopped and told you that you were good, that you should play your own stuff… and look what happened. You got all your shit stolen for her. You gave up months for her, and now this is… you’re gonna give everything up for this one too?”

“I learned my lesson with Jackie.” Ryan felt himself shudder. “A valuable one.” I learned that I need to make my own decisions, that it’s gotta be me that chooses. “She wanted me to be me, wanted me to play music…” But she wanted me to stay with her more, especially when she realized it wasn’t gonna be record deals and recording right off the bat like it was for her. I couldn’t have my life, and she wanted me to take up hers. He frowned, chewing on his lower lip.

“Ryan.” Georgie scrubbed at his face with a hand, voice incredulous. “You’re tellin’ me that this decision has nothin’ to do with the fact that your new girlfriend is loaded? Her parents were a surgeon and a lawyer for God’s sake, and the mu… their deaths? The insurance payments and what they left her and now the house? She can fuckin’ buy you a studio, Ryan. So I guess that is different from Jackie, but -”

“This isn’t about fucking Jackie! She isn’t Jackie!” Ryan surged forward, finally at his breaking point. “It hasn’t been for almost two goddamn years! Jackie was a part of my life for a few months, months that I wish I-” He shoved Georgie back by the shoulder. “And I’m sorry if those few months inconvenienced you, Georgie, or that my choice now does, but… goddamn, this was never gonna be it for me.” Ryan groaned, bringing both hands up to his face. “You didn’t give Cowboy and Virginia this much shit when they decided to settle down.” Georgie backed away at the mention of Cowboy, eyes going wide.

“They were gonna have a baby, Ryan. They couldn’t stay, she couldn’t jump trains pregnant.” Oh, so it’s fine if there’s a baby. “They loved each other, they’d known each other for years, it made sense for them to -”

“So that’s it, then.” Ryan was furious, words coming out faster than he could stop them. “Because they knew each other for longer, they deserved to do what made them happy. They -”

“He wasn’t happy, Ryan!” Georgie was yelling too, one hand at his side, the other gesturing wildly. “He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t stay, even though he loved Virginia and the baby. Cowboy left, and he came back out here and he did what made him h-”

“And he died, Georgie. Cowboy fucking died because of this lifestyle, and no one knew for days.” Ryan shook his head. “That could have been me. I could have hit my head when I fell, I could have…” Ryan trailed off. “I don’t wanna die in a train yard and have people like you sittin’ around my coffin whenever they find me, tellin’ stories about what I could have been or what I might have done. I want a life, Georgie. I want… a life with her. I want to be happy and know what it’s like to have someone that loves me. I want to do all of those things.”

“What about fame, Ryan? A career? What about your music? What about our... “ Georgie paused, looking past Ryan and back toward the stage. “You stop traveling, and this all stops, it just ends. What about the playin’ and the plans we made? Chicago and Texas and…”

“Those are your plans, Georgie, not mine.” I said it. Ryan took a breath. “This has nothing to do with Jackie. Nothing to do with her or with her money, nothing to do with … lettin’ someone take care of me.” He thought of the way you’d shown him your parents house - a cold detachment to each room, except for the room in the basement. He thought about the way you’d seemed to come to life on the Strip, the happiness on your face as you’d shown him the Wynn, the fountains and even the bridges - your excitement infectious at the things around you when you were free. “I’ve gotta do what makes me happy, and it’s not the trains anymore. It’s not this.”

“She’s not gonna make you happy, Ryan. You’re gonna want to leave and she’s gonna get mad, and it’s going to get hard and -”

“You know what’s hard, Georgie?” Ryan stepped forward again, but the anger was gone from his voice. “Hard is returning alone to the home where you parents were killed - where you would have been too if you’d been home. Hard is staying there alone for months, cleaning it out and getting it ready to sell. Hard is not knowing what happened to someone important in your life because the fucking lifestyle that they chose doesn’t allow for safety or predictability. Hard is going through life and trying to meet the expectations of others, and it never being -”

“It’s gotta be so hard with all that money, right?” He still doesn’t get it. “So hard for that poor little rich girl to see something that she wants and not be able to have it.” Ryan shook his head, feeling his phone vibrating in his pocket, his hand going to it without thought - but Georgie noticed. “Does she want you right now, Ryan? Is that it? Want you to come running back to her? Was it easy for her to get you into bed, Ryan? To win you over with her sob story just like -”

“We’re done.” Ryan shook his head, the anger returning and making his voice venomous. If I don’t walk away, I’m going to hit him. “You don’t know her, and you don’t know me.” Ryan took a breath, feeling his lips curling into a snarl. “And I guess I don’t know you, either.” Ryan turned to walk away, but after taking a few steps, he stopped. “You know what, Georgie? I don’t give a shit if you apologize. She doesn’t need to hear anything insincere from you, and I don’t either.” He took one more step and then turned fully around, facing Georgie for the final time. “I made the decision to stop while I was in St Louis before I found her, even though it meant I’d probably never see her again...so think about that. It had nothing to do with her.” Georgie’s eyes widened, but Ryan wasn’t in the mood to gloat. “I’m sorry that my life choices are an inconvenience for you and your career, Georgie. I hope you find…” He paused, thinking. “I hope you’re happy.”

Ryan turned away from the other man, even as he heard Georgie call out his name. Guitar. Cab. Hotel. One step at a time, Brenner.

---

POV: You

“You almost ready?” Ryan was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, hand running over his beard as he turned his head from side to side. Stepping into the bathroom behind him, you wound one arm around his waist, hand beneath his shirt while pressing your lips to his shoulder. “It’s fine, Ry.” The second morning in Charleston, you and Ryan were getting ready to go out and view five properties - three houses and two condos - and had two townhome showings closer to downtown if none of the morning appointments panned out. Cover all bases right?

“I’ve never…” He paused, dropping the hand from his face and staring into the mirror, his dark eyes focused. “I’ve never looked into a place to live like this before.” Oh. You’d rented apartments, rented homes in college, booked hotels and Air BnB’s before; it was almost second nature to you, but for Ryan? Signing a lease was probably just as terrifying as making a purchase. “I want to give them the right impression.” With a shake of your head, you pulled away from him, bracing yourself and sitting on the bathroom counter so that you were facing him. He moved quickly, turning so that he could grip the counter’s edge on either side of your legs, his fingers brushing against the bare skin of your thighs.

“Ryan, what do you mean?” He shook his head, tilting his face down to look you in the eye. “We are a couple looking for a place to rent. We met a year ago, and want to move in together.” It sounds so simple. “That’s it. Simple.” You reached out, putting a hand flat against his chest. “We’re no different than any of the other people that are looking at these places.” He nodded once, eyes darting to the counter where his hands were. Oh. “These?” You reached down with the hand that wasn’t already touching him to run your fingers over his hand, stroking along the tattoos on his fingers. “Ryan, it’s…” You made your way up his arm, touching the inked feathers with the pad of your thumb, eyes following the lines of the design. “Everyone’s got tattoos. No one here’s gonna look at them twice.” He cleared his throat.

“You always know what to say.” His voice was quiet but he sounded more confident. “We really gonna do this?” You looked back up at him and for a few seconds stayed quiet, staring into his eyes as you watched a flurry of emotions cross his face. Fear. Anxiety. Hope. Sadness. Oh, Ryan. You nodded, watching as he bit his lip and nodded too, the expression on his face changing yet again, finally settling on resolve. “Let’s go find a place.” He leaned in, lips finding yours with a gentleness that always stunned you - soft, warm and sincere, so different than the way he kissed you in bed when he was caught up in the moment - and too soon, he pulled away, the resolve replaced with a smirk that made you feel breathless. “Our place.” Will I always feel like this with him? I hope so.

“Ok, Ryan.” You hopped off of the counter, squeezing his forearm once more and walked back into the main room, picking up your purse and the rental car’s keys. “But you’re driving.” The laugh he responded with - a short, barking laugh that filled the room - made you grin even as you turned to toss the keys to him.

The first place you’d looked at - the condo - wasn’t going to work. Though it hadn’t said so in the listing, it featured a shared driveway and a shared backyard - and the neighbors had kids. “He’s a musician,” you’d explained as the agent that was showing you the property asked why you were wrinkling your nose. “It’s not going to work.” Ryan agreed, though you could tell that he liked the layout of the place, and you’d headed to the second destination - the less expensive of the two homes you’d looked at online.

“This is better.” He was standing in the kitchen, head slowly turning back and forth as he took in the space. “I like the bedrooms and the living room, and the yard is…” I don’t like it. The place was alright, but it wasn’t somewhere you could see yourself living, somewhere that you could see yourself getting comfortable, even if only for a few months, and it had little to do with the shabbiness of the interior and more to do with the way the house made you feel. “Do you like it?” You thought for a minute, looking back into the living room before walking into it, shaking your head.

“It’s OK, Ryan, but I think we should look at the other places too.” He reached out, taking your hand and squeezing as he nodded in agreement.

“Ok.” The real estate agent walked back into the room, and bright smile on her face. “Couple more places to go, are you guys ready?” She hadn’t asked many questions of the two of you, but seemed intrigued by the fact that you were looking to rent and not buy, that you were relocating to the area and that you and Ryan were relatively relaxed on what you were looking for… but she was also helpful and patient. “Let’s head out, the next place is about twenty minutes away.”

As Ryan drove, he sang along to the radio and you you spaced out, hands linked between you and your thumb moving over the still faintly raised tattoo on his wrist. Charleston was nice, and the previous night, you’d spent the evening downtown, walking the streets and taking the city in. It was lively, there were a lot of entertainment options - and it was welcoming. Even Ryan had been impressed, telling you that the city was nothing like he remembered it - that it was better. It’s just temporary. But it feels… It had been easy for the two of you to walk down the sidewalks, hand in hand. It had been easier for you to find a place for dinner where you both felt comfortable. It was all easy with Ryan by your side, and you felt lighter than you had in weeks - especially following New York, when you’d thought for long moments that none of this would be happening and that he’d choose to go back out like before.

Jack and Matthew had led you to the subway station after Matthew went back to get their instruments, and though you were upset by what you knew Ryan was dealing with, you’d been impressed by their knowledge of the subway system. “I grew up here, kid.” Jack shrugged, his elbow resting on the back of the seat next to you. “It’s easy.” Neither of them mentioned Georgie, but after a few minutes, Matthew asked what you’d thought of their performance, and most of the 35 minute ride was spent talking about it and laughing. They’re distracting me, and it’s working. You promised to upload the video you took to YouTube, and that Ryan would get it to them, but as soon as you mentioned him by name, the slump of your shoulders caused Matthew to reach out, laying his hand on your arm.

“Georgie’s just being a dick. He thought Ryan coming back would mean that he was back, you know?” You nodded, still frowning. “He’s got a lot of dreams, a lot of plans… but they all hinge on someone else. Georgie’s damn good with the fiddle, but he doesn’t sing, doesn’t write… he needs someone like Ryan, or it’s just going to be classics for him, and that shit doesn’t pay.” You agreed, and even though you didn’t want to ask, you knew you had to.

“Do you think… I know you don’t know me, but you know Ryan, right?” They both nodded, Jack cutting in and pointing out that you only had a few more stops to go. “Thanks.” You swallowed. “Do you think he’s going to regret this, regret…”

“Regret falling for you?” Jack shook his head. “Absolutely not. Regret deciding to stop wandering? Never.” You let out a breath, closing your eyes. “Ryan’s been traveling for a long time, he’s seen a lot and done a lot and experienced a lot, but there was always going to be an end to it, at least by train.”

“I’ve only met him a couple of times myself.” Matthew spoke up, shifting in his seat. “No matter what, his intentions are always good. When he makes a decision, he’s making it because he feels it’s right.” What about her then? Was that right for him? “Ryan wouldn’t tell you he wanted to stay with you or that he didn’t want to jump trains anymore if he didn’t mean it.” Jack nodded in agreement. “Traveling that way is a lot more dangerous than people think, and usually by the time people realize it, it’s too late.”

Jack stood and you followed, Matthew right behind you as you exited the train and made your way back up to street level. “He’s going to tell you that he lucked out when he found you, but the truth is that it wasn’t luck.” Jack gestured to the people streaming by, eyes moving between the men and women and children that filled the sidewalks. “All these people? All of that space? Two different sides of the country? Finding each other twice?” You felt yourself smiling. “You meet someone once, and it might be luck.” He grinned, his hand finding yours and squeezing gently. “You guys? That shit’s fate. Can’t ignore that.” Finally, you laughed, shaking your head back and forth as the three of you stopped in front of your hotel.

“He’s not going to stop playing music, you guys know that, right?” The men nodded, eyes serious and trained on your face. “He just wants to have a… an actual place.”

“We all do, to an extent. But not all of us are ready to do something about it.” Matthew’s words were quiet. “We all stop at some point. This is that point for Ryan. Don’t question it or him or what he tells you.” The man leaned in, hugging you tightly. “Thank you for convincing him to come here to do this with us.” Why wouldn’t I?

You said your goodbyes and headed into the hotel while they turned back the way that you’d come from. The room was dark and quiet, and though it was barely 10, you were exhausted. Flopping down onto the bed after throwing the blanket down, you groped inside of your purse for your phone, dropping it onto the nightstand when you saw that there were no new alerts. Shit. Ryan was likely still with Georgie, still arguing, and although you wanted nothing more than to call him, you decided not to. He needs to do this. With one more glance at the clock, you stood, stripping your clothes off and walking into the bathroom. Shower. It’ll help.

---

“I don’t like this one at all.” Ryan groaned in the second condo;s main bedroom, which looked like it had last been updated in 1985. “This is…”

“Yeah, I didn’t even want to show this one to you guys, but since it’s so close to the other house, I thought…” The agent was standing next to Ryan, her arms crossed over her chest. “What are you looking for exactly, Ryan? You’ve seemed… unimpressed with all of these places so far, and I want to make sure…”

“I want to feel comfortable. I haven’t lived in a house for a long time, and I want it to feel right.” Though she didn’t know what he meant - not exactly - the woman nodded, looking over at you. You shrugged.

“We;ll know it when we see it.” The three of you left the townhome shorty after that, heading over to the next place - the house you’d found and loved online. “This is the one I’m looking forward to,” you breathed as you pulled into the driveway. “This one…” Ryan leaned over, kissing you on the corner of your mouth before grinning and getting out of the car, eyes on the house. He waited at the front end of the vehicle, taking your hand as you walked up the driveway and met the agent. She unlocked the front door, pushing it open, and the two of you stepped inside.

You walked through the house listening to her words as she described it, but you didn’t really hear them. This is it. You felt comfortable in each room - the high ceilings and large windows making each room feel bright and lively, the hardwood floors solid beneath your feet. The bedrooms were a decent size, and the back deck was somewhere you could picture yourself and Ryan, relaxing in the evenings or even in the early mornings. “Do you like it?” The agent’s voice startled you out of the daydream you were having - you and Ryan, wrapped in the same blanket in a chair on the back porch - and you felt Ryan’s arm tighten around your waist as you turned. “You’re both very quiet.”

Looking up at Ryan, you waited for him to respond, but he stayed silent, eyes moving around the room. “This is my favorite one so far, it’s great.” He finally spoke, and you heard his voice catch. “But it’s too -”

“Did you ask the owners if they’d be willing to negotiate the length of the lease?” You cut Ryan off, hating to do it, but not wanting him to get too far into the statement he was making. “I know you said you spoke to some of them, but…”

“Yes. Both houses and one of the condo’s owners have said that they are more than willing to work with you on the lease length and overall rental costs, especially if you’re willing to pay upfront.” Ryan stiffened next to you, and you closed your eyes. It was the first thing you’d kept from him, but you’d done it for good reason, knowing that if he’d known, he wouldn’t have agreed to look at the propertes.

“Can we have a minute?” The agent agreed, hurrying out of the room, and as you heard the front door close behind her, you stepped away from Ryan, flattening your hand on the wall. “Do you like this one, Ryan?” He didn’t answer, stepping slowly toward the window and looking around. “I do. I think this one is -”

“It’s the most expensive place we’ve looked at.” His voice strained, Ryan turned to look at you - but wouldn’t meet your eyes. “I can’t afford $900 a month on rent plus utilities and…”

“I can, Ryan.” You stepped toward him, knowing that another uncomfortable conversation was coming - just like in New York. “Like I said that first night - I need a place, no matter what. I need somewhere to live. I need somewhere to… be. Yeah, if it was just me, I could get an apartment, but it’s not just me. We are looking for this. This is just to give us time.”

“You can’t pay for everything, that’s not -”

“Ryan.” He finally looked at you and you saw something in his eyes that you didn’t expect to see - shame. Oh, Ryan. No. “I won’t be paying for everything. But since we’re not looking to stay for a full year, offering full payment for the entirety of the shortened lease is the best way to get people to pay attention. They know we’d be here for that long, and are much more likely to let us go month to month afterward. That’s just how it is.” He swallowed, still looking defeated. “I can afford it, Ryan. If it means giving us… giving you a home, it’s worth it. We can figure out the division of the other bills later, but if you like this place, I want it. I want to live here with you.”

“I don’t need you to take care of me.” There was anger behind his words, but you didn’t think it was directed toward you; instead, you knew that he was fighting with himself about the way he felt.

“I’m not.” You stepped closer to him, reaching up with both hands to cup his cheeks, forcing him to look at you, his eyes filled with sadness. “I’d live in a box under a bridge with you if I had to, Ryan Brenner. I’d jump trains with you for the rest of my life if you asked me to - if it would make you happy.” You shook your head. “We talked about this in New York, talked about how you don’t need to prove yourself to me, how I don’t expect anything of you. I’m telling you that I can do this for us. That I want to do this for us. This will give us time to think, to plan, to decide where we want to go next…” If you want to go somewhere else with me… “But we shouldn’t be miserable while we do that. We shouldn’t… God, Ryan. This is…”

“I should be able to take care of you, be able to afford this.” He wrinkled his nose, shaking his head, but even as he did that, his hands tightened on your waist, holding you close. “I shouldn’t be … Fuck.” He ducked his head, forehead resting against yours. “I’ve never needed to… I’ve never wanted … I should... “ Ryan was stumbling over his words, fingers digging into your skin. “I don’t feel like I deserve this, deserve you... no one’s ever wanted to…”

“I want to, Ryan. I want this.” He nodded and you rose up on your toes, kissing him. “Let me use this fucking money for something that’s going to make me happy.” He nodded again at your words and you felt yourself relax, hands dropping from his face to his shoulders as he deepened the kiss, one hand sliding up your back. You broke apart shortly after and saw that Ryan’s eyes had softened again, and there was a grin on his lips.

“I really do like this house.” I’m glad. “Let’s get her back in here so we can figure everything out.” Ryan stepped away from you, his long fingers closing around yours. “I’m gonna pay you back for this, you know that right?”

“You don’t have t-”

“I do. I don’t take handouts.” He squeezed your hand and you agreed quietly, content to let him do things his way. This is already a lot for him, I need to take it slow.

An hour later, you and Ryan signed the lease for your first home, a 3 bedroom single story house in the Avondale neighborhood of Charleston, South Carolina. His hand shook as he signed his name, but once he’d set the pen down, Ryan turned his head to look at you and there was a brilliant smile on his face. He’s so happy. “What?”

“Nothin’” He’d refrained from responding until you were safely back in the car, away from the prying eyes of the real estate agent. “I just…” He shook his head, hair falling into his eyes. “This is real now, you know?” You nodded. “I just signed my name on a lease. I have… I live somewhere now.” Your heart swelled, a warmth spreading throughout your body. “Thank you for wantin’ to do this with me.” He leaned in, kissing your cheek, your forehead, your jaw and then finally your lips; the action full of relief. “I can’t wait to live with you.”

“Yeah, Ryan. Me too.” You swallowed, running your fingers through his hair. He straightened up, turning the key in the ignition and backing out of the spot. “Where are we going?” It was much earlier than you’d planned, barely two in the afternoon and you’d accomplished what you set out to do on the trip. “Ryan?”

Rather than answering you right away, Ryan simply reached over, lacing his fingers with yours and pulling your hands over and onto his lap. “Takin’ you to the beach.” He didn’t need to say anything else, and so you grinned, settling back into the seat after reaching out to turn the radio up and singing along almost immediately.

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