#russo negativity

[terriblegam2r]

If I had a nickel for every time an FX show turned me into a clown I would have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice.

[incorrectlooneytunesquotes]

Oh, Daffy, you're priceless! You're a gem! You're a little flawed, and not too bright, but you're one of a kind!

Tina Russo

[renthony]

A significant amount of my opinions about modern queer television are influenced by researching older queer media.

I see a lot of the same vitriol in modern queer fandom discourse that has been playing out in queer spaces since film and television were invented. Shows in the 70s started making steps toward sensitivity consulting in queer media, even as the networks fought them on it. Imperfect but earnest queer representation was met with aggressive protests by homophobes and queer people who thought it wasn't good enough. The argument over good representation vs no representation has been happening for decades and decades.

You spend enough time immersed in old queer media and you really start to vibe with Harvey Fierstein's words in The Celluloid Closet documentary. Or at least, I do.

Harvey Fierstein: "I liked the sissy. Is it used in negative ways? Yeah, but, my view has always been visibility at any cost."

The way I see it, the way to genuine, loving queer representation that showcases a vast array of experiences is to stop demanding perfection. The fewer queer stories that are allowed to exist, the more of the heavy lifting those stories have to do in the representation department.

When we have numerous queer stories, it's suddenly much less important to argue over whether the queer characters in question are "good" or "positive." They can just be queer characters who exist in the same infinite variety as straight characters. They can be messy, they can be flawed, they can be honest portrayals of the complexity of human existence.

Queer representation will never be perfect, and striving for perfection is how we shoot ourselves in the foot.

Some starter reading for those interested:

Alternate Channels: Queer Images on 20th-Century TV (revised edition) - Steven Capsuto

Hi Honey, I'm Homo!: Sitcoms, Specials, and the Queering of American Culture - Matt Baume

The Celluloid Closet: Homosexuality in the Movies - Vito Russo

[pjflmga]

little things, alessia russo x reader

summary: based on little things by one direction (big fan yup) where r is a bit insecure about certain things and alessia makes sure to let r know she loves everything about r.

a/n: just smth random i came up w while i’m writing on chicago p2 bc i’m currently stuck lol. wrote this in the middle of the night so don’t mind eventual mistakes… send in recs if you want to :)

wc: 2,3k ish

enjoyy

—————————————————————

you and alessia had been together for a long time now, with your 2 years anniversary coming up in only a few weeks. you loved doing things together, watching movies or series, going out for a walk or shopping. literally anything

football might be your biggest shared interest though, whether it was watching a game or playing it. but it was not hard to see who was playing professionally and who played in a normal sunday league.

alessia played football for a living, her days consisted of training on and off the pitch and of course football games against big, top teams, weekly. whereas you were working as a chef at a restaurant and only had training 2-3 times a week plus a game on the weekends.

despite the big difference of professionalism you played in, you both were each others biggest fan and supporter. you were at all arsenal’s home games and even some away games if possible, and alessia was at yours. of course if you or her didn’t have your own game at the same time, which occasionally happened.

alessia never looked down at you for not being a professional footballer, rather the other way around. she was happy and proud that you got to the two things you loved the most, cooking food during the days and playing football in the evenings. but even if alessia never had an opinion about this, didn’t mean you nor especially the fans highlighted this at times.

as you were the girlfriend of the top player and front face of the lionesses and arsenal, people didn’t shy away from sharing their ignorant opinions. when alessia saw a rude comment about you she would always delete it, before she read half of it and especially before you got the chance to even know about it. but since you were together with alessia, you had around 30k followers on instagram yourself and a lot of the ignorant comments ended up in your comment section as well.

you knew you shouldn’t care, but you couldn’t help but read every single negative comment about you. it was everything from you using alessia for her being famous and having a lot of money, to not being good enough for her and being an ugly and bad person. the comments about you only “using” her didn’t really bother you, as you and not to mention, alessia knew that it wasn’t true. but it was rather the comments about you being too ugly, or not that a good enough person for her that made you feel like the smallest person on earth.

this had been going on ever since you got together and the public eye found out about it. at first it didn’t bother you, but as time went on it started to get to you. the blonde and you had talked about it before, but even if you weren’t, you always made sure to say that you were fine.

as of lately alessia had started to notice that you were feeling a bit more tired and down than usually. at first she thought it was because of your job and how hectic it was. but she shortly after realised it was because of all comments on social media.

and with that she started to make more efforts than usually to make you feel as special and loved as you deserved, not to mention how she felt about you.

————————————

as a person in general, you were a bit insecure about yourself. you didn’t like certain things with your body or the way you looked.

as time passed alessia started to figure out more of your small insecurities, how every time she tried to make a short video with you, you always stayed quiet because you didn’t like the way your voice sounded on camera.

how you never got changed in front of her, despite being together for a long, long time. because you didn’t like how your stomach or thighs looked. she obviously had seen you without clothes before, but it was different when you changed and got dressed. it made you feel more conscious about the way you looked, in a way you didn’t like and therefore didn’t want alessia to see.

but also how you recently had stopped coming along to nights out and dinners with her team, because you were insecure or what other people would think. despite alessia always telling you how much the team loved you and wanted you there.

alessia knew these things made you insecure, but these were also the things she loved about you the most. the way you looked, the way you were, the way you smiled and laughed. your voice, your body. everything.

at first she didn’t want these little things to slip out, in case it made you more insecure. but she quickly realised the best way to make you feel more comfortable and confident, was to bring your insecurities up, subtly and in a reassuring way, one by one.

every time you smiled you got small crinkles by your eyes and for some reason fans started to point that out, together with your freckled cheeks. alessia didn’t understand, as she thought those were two of the cutest things about you, but you hated them.

now when she started to see the comments more often, she realised that was the reason why you started to cover your freckles up with makeup, and at least try to smile less. not that it really worked when you were with alessia, who stumbled around and laughed all the time.

“babe, you’re so beautiful today.” alessia said as the two of you got ready to head out for a little walk in the park. “why are you putting on makeup? you’re just as beautiful without it.” she smiled softly.

“i dunno.” you mumbled. “don’t really like my freckles.” you said lowly. with that alessia walked up behind you, where you sat by the desk in your shared bedroom, and hugged you tightly from behind.

“you.” kiss. “are.” kiss. “more.” kiss. “beautiful”. kiss. “than.” kiss. “anyone.” kiss. “else. ” kiss. “in.” kiss. “the.” kiss. “world.” the blonde said as she kissed you freckles.

“stoppp less, you’re ruining my makeup.” you said, but couldn’t help but feeling a smile creeping up in the corner of your mouth.

“nooo!!” she said. “i’m just making sure your natural beauty is showing.” she continued as she bombed kisses on you again. you couldn’t help but laugh at that. “there’s the beautiful smile of yours.” alessia said simply.

it took you another 20 minutes to get ready before your headed out. instantly when you stepped out of the port of your stairwell, alessia grabbed you hand and gave it a tight squeeze.

“you know, your hands fits perfectly in mine.” the striker said softly.

“what do you mean less?” you asked confused, not quite catching what she meant.

“i don’t know, i just know it feels perfect to hold it in my hand.” she smiled with a chuckle. you nodded slowly, still not getting where she came from. but it was something with the way she had said it while squeezing your hand, that made you feel good. you felt yourself being thrown out of your thoughtss as alessia pulled you with her and started to walk towards the park, while babbling about her upcoming game against liverpool this weekend.

when you stopped in the middle of the park by a big tree alessia suggested that the two of you should make a tiktok together. a video where you’d have to rank her arsenal teammates.

“no i can’t do that.” you said with a laugh. “they’re gonna kill me.”

“noo, babe!! it’ll be fun, they will love it.” she laughed as she pulled up her phone.

“okay, just because i love you. but don’t post it!! i don’t uh, want people to hear my- to see what my ranking.” you said quietly.

“oh y/n, it’ll be fine. everyone will laugh at how pissed leah will be when she sees she’s not your number one.” alessia chuckled. “besides, everyone should get to hear that beautiful voice of yours when you explain your rankings.” she continued, subtly mentioning yet another insecurity. you instantly felt yourself relaxing a little when she said that. to be honest you hadn’t really realised that you had tensed up in the first place.

“let’s do this then, less.” you said as you grabbed her phone and started the ranking.

——————————

“i can’t believe you were about to put frida at number one.” alessia said with a grunt as you finished.

“well she is just the best, isn’t she?” you asked with a smile.

“well… no. i am supposed to be there, i swear if you weren’t with me right now, you would’ve put her as your number 1.” alessia answered with a unhappy voice.

“nooo babe, i’d never do that!!” you laughed. “you are obviously my number one!”

“and so are you y/n/n! you are my forever number one and i love you and everything about you.” the blonde said softly as she gave hugged you and kissed your cheek. “let’s post this and see how the girls reacts.” she continues as she posted the video.

just then she got a message from leah in the arsenal group chat, asking who’d be joining for dinner aka ordering food, and movie night at her place tomorrow night. a flood of “yes” and “me” came right away when alessia looked at you.

“you want to go?” she asked hopefully.

“uh i don’t know, don’t want to intrude your team bonding night.” you said lowly.

“no y/n babe, first you could never do that. the girls have been asking if you won’t being joining anytime soon anyways. and besides, it’s just movie night tmrw.” alessia explained as she took your hand and gave it a squeeze.

“well, okay then i guess.” you said.

“YESSSS!!!” the england forward squealed as she sent a quick “me and y/n are coming!” to the group chat and right away an even bigger flood of “yes!”, “wohoo” and “finally” came.

as tomorrow evening eventually came around, you and the blonde got ready together. since it was just movie night and leah’s, you wouldn’t dress up fancy. so you grabbed a pair of black jeans and a t-shirt as you headed towards your bathroom to get changed. but before you managed to take a step alessia grabbed your arm and hugged you tightly.

“you know i don’t mind you changing clothes in front of me.” she said softly as she hugged you tighter.

“i know, it’s just uh me. i don’t know, it’s stupid. of course i should be able to change in front of my girlfriend of almost two years.” you said while you let go of alessia to look into her eyes.

“baby, it’s not stupid the way you feel. i just want you to know that i love you and i love every single thing about you. i love your eyes, your smile, how you look and oh my god, have you seen your body?” she said softly and you can’t help but smile a little. “if you don’t feel comfortable to change in front of me, i won’t stop you. but i want you to feel comfortable with me, no matter what. i don’t care what other people say or think and you shouldn’t either. because you are more perfect than anyone else. okay?” alessia continued.

all you could do was just stare at your girlfriends. you realised where she was coming from with all of this, but to be honest, it made you feel better. she was right, the only opinion you really cared about was hers, and you knew how much she loved you.

“i know, i just feel so self conscious and insecure sometimes. i wish i didn’t but i can’t help but being affected by it.” you answered.

“you know love, those things you are self conscious about, are some of the things i love the most you.” she said as she once again gave you one of her famous “lessi bear hugs”.

“yeah i know less, thank you so much.” you said hugging her back. after some time you finally let go of each other and you felt truly safe and loved by the striker. you took a deep breath and actually felt comfortable enough to change in front of your girlfriend.

all alessia could do was looking at you with the proudest smile ever. she was happy that her little side mission had worked out the way she wanted to, that you felt better about yourself and also felt more comfortable around her.

what took her by surprise though was that you for the first time in a long, long time didn’t cover up your freckles with makeup. all you did was curling your eyelashes and put on some mascara. alessia once again looked at you with the biggest and proudest smile as well as heart eyes. oh, that girl was head over heels for you.

“you’re so beautiful, my girl.” alessia said with a grin.

when you 20 minutes later arrived at leah’s house and went to knock on the door, it was instantly opened by a not super happy looking leah.

“how dare you not put as number 1 and not even number 2, but 3 on your list, miss?” she said while giving you a stern look, but you could hear the teasing in her voice.

“told you…” alessia whispered in your ear lowly, with a laugh. “i’ll leave the two of you to figure this out.” she continued and walked into great the rest of the team.

“well hello to you too leah…” you laughed. “i guess i just don’t love you as much as less.”

“okay that’s fair BUT YOU PUT FRIDA OVER ME??” leah shouted.

“well, if it makes you feel any better, i almost put frida above lessi. but then i wouldn’t have had a place to sleep in.” you laughed.

after some back and forth you finally settled on a fair ranking where, spoilers, leah ended up as your number 1. then leah finally let you into her house and let you in with a happy smile over a face so you could greet the other arsenal players there.

the night was amazing, just what you needed. you felt safe around alessia and her teammates and you didn’t feel like you were in the way and disturbing them. they made you laugh all the time, and now the crinkles by your eyes didn’t bother you anymore.

even if alessia’s mission was accomplished, she didn’t stop reminding you how much she loved you. everything about you. that the little things you were subconscious about, made you to the amazing person that you were and the person alessia loved so much.

[trulyhblue]

Carded

Alessia Russo x Aussie! Arsenal! Reader

Warnings: Little bit of angst, fluff, coarse language, suggestive if you squint.

Masterlist

________________________

Alessia were a bit like Katie in the sense of your aggression — or, rather 'passion' as you put it gently — on the field.

Arsenal had a rocky start to the season, with a loss against Liverpool to being dubbed as 'second-halfsenal', as your fans and rivals alike found the comedy in your troubles. There was no technical malice behind the name, the girls would joke about it ever so often during training, but that didn't stop the hidden linger of doubt among the team. As the season proceeded, with the crucial derbies of both Chelsea and Tottenham, you started to notice how it was having a negative effect on your girlfriend.

You grew up in Melbourne, Australia, playing for your local club before being scouted by recruits when you were in High School. You joined Melbourne Victory at Seventeen, playing alongside your future Matildas teammates, Kyra and Courtney. The three of you went to school together, before graduating and parting ways. While they moved to the Sweden league, you chose to head to Bayern Munich, where you spent four years strengthening your skills and gaining wider international attention.

The move was incredibly difficult. You did not understand a word of German walking into your first day, and still struggle to communicate in the foreign language. It definitely helped when Lioness player, Georgia Stanway transferred from Manchester City, and you ended up spending a lot of time with the English girl.

Due to this connection, you had met the other Lionesses by association, one girl sticking out to you specifically.

You had properly met Alessia in a friendly match against your two National teams. It hadn't taken long for you to realise your feelings for each other, but the timing never seemed right. She was in Manchester, playing for United, and you were in Germany, both consistent in your hard work for your respective teams.

You both were called up for the World Cup squad, you playing as a regular starter in the Midfield. From your early career, you always had a deep-rooted chemistry with Kyra and Courtney, so the opportunities the three of you created set the scene for your forwards up front. It was heartbreaking losing to England in the Semi-finals, especially in a home World Cup. You remember how Georgia sat with you after the game, waiting until she knew you were okay before she went off to celebrate.

You reciprocated the kindness by watching the final, feeling upset for the Lionesses when the score did not turn out their way. The two of you wondered what the next step was for you.

You had trouble mulling over the end of your contract, knowing Georgia had just renewed hers. After the World Cup, the recognition of the public had a great turnout, and your agent was met with many expressions of interest.

When Arsenal's name popped up on that list, you knew it was a no-brainer.

You and Alessia had both transferred in the same week, Kyra a few weeks later. The blonde and you moved in together, having both no place to live and hit it off from there. Now, a few months in, you've never been happier.

"Alright girls, we can do this." You heard Kim shout from beside you. Alessia was holding your waist, fiddling with the hem of your shorts as the team huddled around each other.

"Go out and set the scene. First tackles, first corners, everything, alright?"

You were versing Chelsea, the London Derby, in a sold-out Emirates, and you could feel the nerves radiating off Kyra from in front of you. Kim was the Captain today, her Scottish accent shouting as both the starting eleven and subs hugged one another. The lead-up to this game was beyond stressful, the pressure of starting in such a critical game building on Alessia and you over the past few days. The whole ordeal was daunting, having not ever played in a derby of this significance before.

"London is Red, girls, let's go!" Katie shouted, earning the huddle to disperse as everyone took their starting positions.

You could feel the sweat compile over the creases in your hands, wiping them twice over before jogging to your place on the wing. You found yourself looking out to the crowd, waving at the group of fans chanting your name. Erin Cuthbert was quick to join your side, standing close by as the cheers grew louder in anticipation.

Alessia was upfront, watching you with adoring eyes. You offered her a tight-lipped smile, pursing your lips and blushing when she sent a toothy grin and thumbs up your way. However; the moment was short-lived as the referee was quick to blow her whistle, commencing the game.

It was apparent that Chelsea was not expecting the energy Arsenal brought to the game. Errors and miscalculated passes were being carried out left and right, the chemistry between both sides slipping beneath the heightening apprehension.

“I'm here!” You called, speeding along the wing as Katie hesitated on the other side of the pitch. The Chelsea girls had left your front wing open, crowding in the midfield, evidently oblivious to the mistake they’d produced. You heard Emma Hayes yelling to cover your end, but Katie had already seen you, crossing the ball to your end. Cuthbert was on your tail, trying hard to stub your sprint in an attempt to stuff you up.

Victoria was to your right, onside yet swarmed with about three defenders. Beth was not far behind; Chelsea defenders were swarming the box in a desperate endeavour to clear Arsenal’s attempt.

You had no other choice but to nimble the ball through Fleming’s legs and towards Vic, who helplessly maneuvered the ball through the maze of defenders before passing to Mead. Cuthbert had put her hands behind her back, using her body to shield Beth’s fake attempt at the goal. You watched with your breath hitched as Beth powered the ball to the goal, observing the swift motion of the back of the neck.

Alessia was the first to wrap your arms around you, holding you up, carrying you over to where Katie was gripping Beth for dear life.

The rest of your team celebrated around you, screaming among the thousands of people in the crowds, smiles etched on all your faces.

“You’re doing so well.” Less yelled, hoping you’d hear her praise over the booming echo of cheers circling the Emirates. She knew you heard her from the blush that spread your cheeks, making your already flushed face all the more flustered. Your girlfriend wrapped her hands around you, swaying you from side to side one more time before you patted her back and let go.

Her eyes watched your figure jog back to your spot near Cuthbert, who pushed her way into your shoulder before the whistle for the restart blew. You tried your best to ignore her antics, using your legs to propel you towards the ball.

Turns out, Chelsea didn't like what you just did.

Erin followed you up and down the pitch, tugging your shirt everywhere she went. Whenever you tried to run forward and make a chance for your team, the Scottish woman would yank you back, locking her arm around your body, keeping you glued to the sideline.

Chelsea evened the score only a couple of minutes later. The sweat dripping down your forehead was enough to tell anyone how hard you were trying. Erin wasn't the only one giving you grief; Fleming was always a few metres away, darting through the midfield easily without you to worry about.

You were finally given the ball from a cross from Victoria, who mustn't have realised how cornered you were. You hadn't left the sideline in twenty minutes now. Fleming was now to your left, running up against you with Erin’s arm holding your waist. You struggled to keep the ball at your feet, the crowd watching in delight as the three of you battled it out alone.

You had managed to dart the ball between Jessie’s legs, causing an audible reaction from the fans, but it seemed that your face was too preoccupied with meeting the grass to soak up any type of honour you were receiving.

You felt the ground against your cheek, your body falling from stubs to the foot. You groaned at the instant pain up your leg, causing you to hold your shoe and roll onto your back. The adrenaline from the game made the pang bearable, but you knew the tackle was far from clean way before the whistle had blown.

“Oh, get up. What a fucking baby.” You heard Erin say, her Scottish accent full of malice.

“I didn't know Chelsea hired my Nephew.” An Irish accent quipped nearby. “Cause all he does is throw a tantrum when he doesn't get what he wants.”

“It was clean.”

“Oh, fuck off, you slimy t—”

You didn't get to hear the rest of their dispute, too busy nursing your foot with your hands. Steph had broken the two up, ordering Katie to run back to the other side. Sam Kerr was also around, kneeling beside you amidst the strain.

“You ‘right, mate?” Your Aussie Teammate helped you up, holding out her hands and rubbing your back as you regained balance. The Skipper had been your mentor since you joined the Tillies. The older woman was an idol of yours, and you looked up to her despite the few years between you.

However, you couldn't respond to Sam in time, for she was pushed away harshly by a certain blonde, her blue eyes reeling with anger at the sight of the tackle you endured.

“Stay away from her, Kerr.” She snarled, using her arm to support your weight onto one foot. You put your hand on her chest, shooting a silent apology to Sam, who shrugged nonchalantly before sauntering off.

“Y/N, are you alright?” The referee asked the yellow card still in her hand. You knew you had the power to play it over the top, but this game was everything to you. You didn't want to be subbed off any time soon.

But your girlfriend wasn't having any of it.

“She,” Less pointed to Erin, who was standing by a regretful Fleming. “Needs to be sent off for that. She's been harassing Y/N all game. It was obviously on purpose. Did you see it? It was stubs to the—”

“Lessi, stop, it's alright. I'm fine.” You swapped glances from your girlfriend to the Ref, who was still looking at you for reassurance in regard to your physical wellness. “I’m fine.” You repeated, and the whistle was quickly blown for a free kick, and a yellow toward Cuthbert.

Alessia looked down at you cautiously, eyeing your leg and the slight weariness in your step. “Are you sure?” She asked.

When you nodded, she jogged over to her position once more, sighing at your stubbornness as you prepared for your kick.

Ilestedt’s goal only a few minutes later sent all of the girls into a frenzy. You sprinted over to the Swedish player, jumping onto her back and kissing her head, laughing as you felt the rest of your team surround you in hugs and celebrations. The screams and cheers in the stands were phenomenal. No one expected the Reds to be beating the Blues so early into the game.

Erin was hot on your tail when Caitlin punted the ball towards you. You made the sprint down the line, your Aussie teammates Steph and Caitlin both yelling out for a pass. You were about to boot it behind you, where Steph was waiting for the assist when you felt your legs give out for the second time that game. The grass met your face, the power of the fall leaving you in shambles, the ball long forgotten by the time your hand shot up to the blood running down your nose.

Steph was by your side, forgetting all about the game still in play. Alessia had gained possession of the ball, holding it in her hands by the time you had sat up, the whistling blowing when the Ref noticed the amount of red spilling down your shirt.

“Move your hand.” Steph uttered, holding your face and using her own shirt to hold your nose. “It’s not broken.” You did as you were told, your nose warm at the contact of the ground, only slightly sore. She looked up to Kim, who you knew was fuming underneath her worried gaze.

“I don't want to be subbed off.” You said, and you saw Kim nod, agreeing before storming up to the Referee, who was talking sternly to Erin.

Beside her was Alessia, with her arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed into a furious knot, you watching in horror as a yellow card was shown her way. Katie had made it just in time to take her away, gripping the girl’s shoulders and guiding her towards you.

The medics had come on to see to your nose whilst handing you another shirt to change into. They assessed the blood, which was slowly halting, and declared that you had just knocked it. You told them you didn't want to go off, and with a nod from Katie and approval from the Referee, you stood off the field patiently before you were allowed back on.

During those painstaking moments, you pondered on what Alessia had said that made her get the yellow. You knew Erin was already on thin ice, and in yesterday’s training, Jonas had said that if given the chance, Alessia was to take the penalties. You knew the English girl. She was never much of a violent person on the field, choosing to stay calm and collected rather than angsty and irate when something didn't go her way.

But in games like this, where everything was on the line, it was hard to deny the apparent tension behind her actions. When it came to you, she’d sacrifice everything. For you, she’d take a million yellows if it meant sticking up for you.

You had sprinted up near Fleming when the girls ran towards your goal. The stadium stood in anticipation, the adrenaline of Arsenal’s streak pumping through their cheers. Alessia found the ball under her feet, her shot hitting the back of the net with a swish. You couldn't hear anyone but yourself, the pain and exhaustion from the half leaving your body the very moment you wrapped your legs around Less’s waist.

The girl held you up with her hands, holding under your thighs, squishing the skin just under your arse before putting you down. You laughed at her cheeky grin, relishing the private moment between the two of you before the rest of the girls stampede their way around you.

“LESSI RUSSO!” Beth screamed, hugging the two of you as she jumped in excitement. Arsenal were beating Chelsea — the top of the ladder — three-one going into the second half. If they scored once more, it’d be the Blue’s worst defeat in five years.

The thought was the utmost motivation.

You would be lying if you said you weren't surprised to find yourself walking back on in the second half. Your nose had stopped bleeding during half-time, but the ache was still attending when you made your way to the wing.

Just before you went out, you felt familiar hands grip your waist, pushing you against the wall of your cubby. You saw Alessia’s glare eye your kit and the way she licked her lips at the sight of your flushed countenance. Her starved eyes roamed your face. Your lips met hers in a hungry kiss, knowing the rest of the girls were in their own world as they prepared for what was to come.

“You’re playing really good.” You said, holding her biceps, your finger drawing circles against her skin.

Alessia hummed, meeting your lips again, nipping your bottom lip before pulling away. “So are you, baby. ‘Making me so proud, you are.”

The compliment went straight through you. Her eyes continued to linger on you as you walked back out onto the pitch. You swallowed any pre-existing desire you had for the girl as Jessie Fleming walked by your side, offering you a curt, determined smile, then going stone-faced.

The rivalry in the second half displayed by both sides was nothing in comparison to the anger radiating in the last forty-five minutes of the London Derby.

Katie and Caitlin both got cards in two minutes of each other. Lauren James, Chelsea forward, fifteen minutes later. Illegal tackles were thrown left and right, pushing, shoving, ploughing everywhere you looked.

Emma Hayes must've thought Erin would've been sent off if been marking you for another second. Jessie was a much cleaner opponent, but as the time ticked over, the end of the match and the taste of victory near, the Canadian found haste in her decisions, making a rather late decision in tackling you near the sideline.

“Fuck, sorry.” She spoke, and while remorseful, she seemed too engulfed in the loss to speak much truth. She took her yellow graciously but made no attempt to reconcile with you. She walked over to Sam, who gave her a scornful glare, making the younger girl cower. You took your time getting up off the grass, stretching out the tension in your hamstrings before straightening back onto your feet.

On her way over to you, Alessia shot the dirtiest glare she could muster towards Fleming, not realising that many fans would catch the interaction on their phones. She made her way over to you, kissing the top of your forehead, making no endeavour to hide her public affection towards you.

Your relationship with Alessia was extremely private. You didn't want the public to know every detail of each other, and how you lived day to day in each other’s company, but that didn't mean you didn't like to tease your relationship over social media every once and a while. The Arsenal girls were all for a photo dump on Instagram, and many of the fans had caught onto your close proximity in some of the photos.

One of them in particular caused the rumours of your relationship to form. It was in Katie’s dump, a couple of weeks after your move to Arsenal. A group of girls were all sitting together in a booth, somewhere in a random London pub, but there wasn't enough room, leaving you to sit on Alessia’s lap when the photo was taken. From there, everyone assumed the two of you were dating, and while neither of you confirmed anything, it wasn't a secret you were trying hard to keep.

The game proceeded and not long after, an easy penalty was given to your side after a Chelsea defensive miscommunication. It was Alessia who took it, and the crowd made deafening sounds of joy as the Reds crowded around each other in celebration.

You were beating Chelsea 4-1.

The feeling was euphoric. Nothing could beat the sour, everlasting annoyance planted on Cuthbert’s face. Nothing could take you away from the overwhelming happiness that overtook your body when the full-time whistle blew, leaving Arsenal in glee at the massive takedown on the reigning top-of-the-ladder.

Alessia was up against you the moment you met each other’s glance. She pulled you off the ground, spinning you around in circles, making you squirm and squeal as she tickled your sides.

“You did so well, baby.” She sounded, her breath tickling your ear. You shivered, trying hard to hold in your yearning. Alessia knew how to rile you up, hands coming up to glue to your shoulders, massaging the knots that had formed from the tiresome run you just had. You groaned at the relief. Alessia smirked at the whines coming from your mouth.

“All for me, baby?”

You hid your face in her chest at that, face red at her undistinguished connotations. She laughed, holding your chin, placing a quick peck on the side of your lips, pulling you back into her afterwards.

You waited until she was soaking up the silence, a small smile decorating your sweaty face.

“Did it all for you, Lessi.”

____________________________

[alotofpockets]

We've got you | Arsenal WFC

Pairing: Arsenal x Teen!Reader

Request: Arsenal teen reader fic where they have an eating disorder and the team helps them through it.

Warnings: Eating disorders, passing out, talk of negative body image.

A/n: Thank you @catasha for proof-reading and your feedback & thank you @lessi-lover and @greynatomy as well for your help 💗

Masterlist | Woso masterlist | Words: 2k

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As the youngest player on the team a lot of your teammates kept a close eye on you. They made sure you did your homework, helped you pack your bag, and in general were there for you for whatever you needed. There was one thing they hadn’t noticed though, and it was that you had started eating less and less. You were actively trying to hide it from them, so you didn't blame them for not noticing.

You had been diagnosed with an eating disorder when you were fourteen years old, and though you had been doing better the past year, your old habits started to reappear. Of course, something like that doesn’t really go away, but the voices in your head telling you that you shouldn’t eat have been quiet.

None of your teammates knew about your diagnosis, as you hadn;t struggled with it during your time with Arsenal. Well, not until now. In your plan to hide it from your teammates, you hadn’t counted on someone knowing the symptoms of an eating disorder, but one of them did. Alessia Russo, one of the more recent signings was keeping an eye on your food intake, unbeknownst to you. She had noticed you barely touching your breakfast. At first she didn’t think anything of it, but when she saw you only eating a few bites of your lunch, until you excused yourself, her mind started to wonder. She recognized patterns she had been stuck on in her highschool years, and hoped that she was wrong, but she couldn’t just let the thoughts go.

After training that afternoon, Alessia walked with you back to your bags, having placed hers conveniently next to yours at the start. The two of you are talking, when she grabs a protein bar from her bag. “Man, I’m full. Can I interest you in the other half? I would hate for it to go to waste.” You hesitated, but took the bar from her, not fully confident in denying food one on one. Alessia continued talking, but you didn’t hear a word she was saying as you were trying to convince the voices in your head you should eat the bar she offered. You don’t deserve to eat. You’ve gained weight, eating the bar will make it go up more. You tried to fight it. I already took the bar, I have to at least take a bite to show my appreciation. After fighting with the voices in your head for what felt like half an hour, you managed to move the bar up to your mouth with a shaky hand. Luckily Alessia was busy untying her boots, and didn’t see your hands shaking. One small bite is all you were able to eat before the voices in your head started to get loud again. You smiled to Alessia, “Thank you for this.” and head back to the locker rooms. Once you were out of sight from the rest of the team, you threw the bar in a nearby trash can. 

You were currently training in Portugal, so you didn’t have much time where you weren’t surrounded by your teammates. Each meal time was taken together, so you diverted to making it seem like you were eating by tactically moving around the food on your plate, putting a bite on your fork and moving it around while you were conversing with the people surrounding you. Trying to keep their focus on your words, rather than the lack of food actually entering your mouth.

Alessia stuck around until most of the room had cleared out, leaving just the two of you in the room. She moved over to your table, “Hey y/n, how are you doing?” You look up from your plate, “Oh hi Lessi, I’m doing alright. How are you?” She smiled at you softly, “I’m doing alright as well. I wanted to check in with you, to see if everything was okay, since I noticed you hadn’t really touched your food.” Your cheeks turned red, had she noticed? You quickly shake off the thought and shrug your shoulders, “Oh, yes, I’m okay. Just not very hungry, that’s all.” Alessia didn’t want to push you, knowing that that could make it worse, so she settled on talking about football instead, to bond with you, and not let you be on your own. 

The next day you were running around during practice, you loved drills where you got to show your speed. The team was split into two lines, as you would be competing against each other. One person from each team would go at the same time, sprinting to the finish line, the one that reached it first would earn the cone for their team. The team that got to ten cones first would win the exercise. 

Your team was currently at nine cones, while the other team was at eight. It was you running against Lotte, and if you were the fastest, you would get the victory for your team. “You’re going down, grandma.” The team knew you as a joker, so Lotte was used to your antics. “Yeah yeah, you just focus on not tripping over your own feet, kiddo.” You roll your eyes at her, “That was one time!”  

The two of you get ready on the line and wait for the countdown and the whistle to blow. You were running neck and neck, until about three quarters of the way, it was then that you got a step ahead of Lotte, but your lead didn’t last long, as suddenly you found yourself getting weak and dizzy. You divert from the straight line that you were running, and slow down your run. Lotte immediately noticed that something was wrong, and stopped her run to help you. “Hey kid, what’s wrong?’ She grabs your shoulders to keep you in place. “Dizzy.” Is all you get out before you collapse in her arms. 

You passed out for a moment, but luckily the medics were quick by your side. “What happened?” You ask when you see all your teammates standing around you with worried looks on their faces. “You passed out, kid. Do you know what happened?” Leah had your head laying in her lap. “Don’t know.” You say groggily, still not feeling well. “Let’s get you to one of the physio rooms to get you checked out.” One of the medics reached down their hands to help you up. 

Everyone was in the hallway, waiting to hear what was going on, a few of them pacing the hallway, and others sitting along the wall. “She was joking around just moments before, how could this happen out of nowhere?” Leah voiced the thought that most of the girls shared. “I might have an idea.” Alessia said softly. 

The medics walk out of the physio room once they are done examining you, “She seems alright now. We don’t know what happened yet, so we will have to keep a close eye on her. We advised her to stay in the room for at least another hour, just until she feels a bit stronger again. You can see her though.” 

After what Alessia had just shared with the group, just Alessia, Leah, and Kim go into the room first. “Hey kiddo, how are you doing?” Leah sits down on the bed with you, and wraps her arm around you. “I still feel a bit weak, but otherwise okay. You all look very serious though, what’s going on?” Leah looks up to Kim with tears welling in her eyes, not being able to do the talking without breaking. You were like a little sister to her, and it hurt seeing you like this. “It came under our attention that you haven’t really been eating, and we wanted to check in with you. You really scared us out there kid, you need to take care of your body. Can you please tell us how long this has been going on?” They knew now, so hiding was no longer an option. “I was diagnosed with an eating disorder when I was fourteen.” You could feel Leah tense beside you, as she came to the realisation just how serious this was. “I never mentioned it because it’s not been a problem since I’ve joined the team. It started playing up again a few weeks ago, I can handle it.” You were downplaying your wording, trying not to scare your teammates. Leah shook her head, “You’re not handling it though, you literally passed out!” You were shocked with the emotion behind her voice. “Leah, I’m fine.” Leah felt herself getting angry, “No, y/n, you’re not.” She said before she left the room, not wanting to get angry with you while she knew you were struggling.

It stays quiet for a moment, before Alessia speaks up. “I struggled with my weight and my body a lot growing up. I wanted to be skinny, but it ended up making me too weak to play. I learned that for football being strong was more important than my body fitting this image in my mind that society had created.” Kim continued where Alessia left off, “It’s important to give your body the right nutritions, it is for all of us, but especially for a growing body like yours. Skipping meals can harm your body, more than it will do good. We understand that this is a lot, but we really do not want anything like today to happen to you again.” Tears started to form in your eyes. Kim stands up and goes in to hug you, “It’s okay, sweetheart. We’ve got you.” 

Once you calmed down a bit, Kim continued the conversation. They wanted to do everything in their power to help you, because they understood how mentally challenging an eating disorder could be. “We’re going to set up a meeting with the dietitian and nutrition team tomorrow, and get you on a plan that will help you eat in a healthy way, that is based on your body specifically. Alessia is going with you, because her experience will help make sure your best interest is at heart. We are going to be there with you every step of the way. You’re a part of a team, and that means we don’t let anyone go through something alone, okay?” You nodded, “Okay.”

In the hallway Leah is crying into Lia’s arms, after she asked the rest of the team to give you some space today. “She’s acting like nothing is wrong, Wally.” The older girl rubs her hands over her best friend’s back in soothing motions. “I understand, but she needs you Lee. I know you’re angry with her for not telling anyone she’s been struggling, and with yourself for not noticing she was, but let’s focus on the fact that it’s out in the open now, and you can help her.” 

Lia’s words were convincing, so much so that Leah headed back into the room, and asked for a moment alone with you. “Hey kiddo, I’m sorry I ran out. I couldn’t handle my emotions in a way that would be fair to you, so I needed a moment.” You smile at her softly, “It’s fine Lee. I understand, it was big news, and I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner.” Leah steps forward and hugs you to her chest. “Let’s get you home, okay?” You had been living with Leah since you moved to London, probably the reason that you were closest with her. “Okay.”

The next morning Leah drove you to London Colney for your appointment with the dietitian and nutrition team. Alessia was already waiting when you arrived, she greeted you with a hug. “It’s good to see you, kiddo. Are you ready?” You returned the hug. “As I’ll ever be.” 

It was very helpful having the both of them there. Leah for reassuring you, and Alessia to make sure you answered all their questions properly. After an hour of talking with the team, they had set up the basics of the plan for you. In the next couple of days they would get back to you with a more elaborate plan, including meal options and recipes. 

You know that your journey with food and your body weren’t going to be easy, but you knew that you weren’t going to be alone. The team had always been like family to you, and yesterday showed you again that they would love you unconditionally, and that they would be there for you, no matter what. 

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[futbolfatale]

Social media AKA Hell on Earth

Pairings: Rachel Daly X Reader, Millie Bright X Reader, Alessia Russo X Reader, Ella Toone X Reader,

Tags: Pre-Established Poly Relationship, Minor Cyber Bullying, Minor Angst to Fluff

WordCount: 0.6k

Instagram could be a cruel place if you knew that and still, it hurts to see people saying negative things about you. You had attended the Germany game the night before like you always did. You would never miss one of your girl's games. But There had been multiple times Less and Toone had gotten mildly distracted by you while they were supposed to be playing.

These trolls posted pictures of you they had deemed attention-seeking and tore you apart in the comments about how you wanted them to lose and that it was all your fault. It's frustrating to see people who have never even played professional football criticize you and your family. “Whatcha Looking at” Rachel startles you out of your phone-induced haze. ‘ just looking at Instagram” you force a smile as Rachel sits down on the couch next to you. “Mills and I were thinking of going out for ice cream if you wanted to join us?” you gladly accept Rachel’s offer and you head out to the car where Mills is already Waiting.

“There are my favorite girls”  She teases as you both load into the car. “Do you know what you are going to get?” Mill Questions as you pull out of the drive. “I Dunno, Maybe Cookie dough ohh or cotton candy. What about you?” It’s Easy For you to settle back into this calm space they've provided for you. “Raspberry I think”-” This is my song Mills turn it up” You laugh as Rachel starts singing along to River Deep, Mountain High “ Sing It with me baby” You roll your eyes but join in on the fun.

After The Ice cream is acquired you decide to walk around the park. It’s just dark enough to be comforting and Weirdly quiet. “Do you guys think It is my fault We lost?” You ask barely loud enough for them to hear. “No one is saying that I will beat them up for you.”Mills stops walking and holds your shoulder in her free hand. “Millie You Can’t Beat up our Fans you would cause an uproar.” Rachel jokes wrapping her free arm around your waist. “Well, the fans Don’t know Anything. It was a hard game and you not Being there would have only made us play worse. We always do better When our lucky charm is in the stands.” You smile softly holding in a couple of tears. “How about We head home and we can watch a movie and have some pasta,” Rach Suggests with a slight smirk on her face. She already knows you will agree it is your favorite way to spend a night in. “Let's do it” You laugh as Mills shoves the last of her ice cream cone in her mouth before picking you up and spinning you in a little circle, almost forcing you to drop your ice cream. “Come on Ladies, we should get home before Toone and Less burn the house to the ground. Rach takes off running towards the car and you can’t hide the smile that takes control of your face as you chase after her.

By the time you get home you're buzzin you've decided on watching Man on Fire. You bounce into the house ready to stealth attack toone and less. Knowing them they are sat on the couch playing FIFA. You slip your shoes off and creep in behind the couch where they are both sat. They don’t even break away from their game as you creep up behind them. “Who is winning?” You ask, throwing your body over the couch and landing on top of them. “Baby girl you scared the piss out me my god” You laugh as they return to their game. Life is good even if the Fans Will never truly understand your world it doesn't matter because you have the people you love.

[centrally-unplanned]

For a bit of a left-field materialist moment, people have been mentioning recently (due to an ACX post) the fact that people in the ancient world did not have PTSD from war. I think this result is quite robust; war was a nigh-universal part of life for many people, writings about war and its aftermath were the most popular topic of writing around, and we have robust documentary evidence about every other negative impact of war that people did experience. Certainly someone in the ancient world had some equivalent, but if it was at all as common as it is now it would have been discussed, and probably even named and addressed as part of martial culture. Instead its a complete ghost.

I do feel like reaching towards "martial culture" as the explanation is a bit weird though? It plays a role, for sure, I do agree that a society that raises someone to know that killing and fighting is Good, Actually, is going to be better mental prep for said activities. But a lot of societies today, and way more within "modern war" memory, had martial cultures! Virtually all societies fighting in WW1, where PTSD was first widely observed, had very similar values to the Romans; fighting is noble & good, and it is right to kill for your country. Those values just broke down in the conflict itself. And I think this too is giving the past too much monoculture; wars like the Second Punic War or the Thirty Years War had intense levels of population mobilization, which meant they were tapping manpower from every sector of society, and a lot of those individuals or communities had their own values that were less martial (think Jewish communities in Europe, for an example). And those wars don't show much new evidence. That evidence could be lost, its the kind of evidence that would be lost ofc, but it still points in that direction.

And its weird to point to culture when technology seems like the way bigger cause? Its why we called it shell-shocked after all! War in the older days was very concrete and typically concentrated. You marched at more-or-less peace for months, saw an enemy, arrayed for battle, and fought right up against a guy in front of you. If you won it was on your own strength against dudes in eyesight swinging metal; if you lost you ran away or were dead and so don't get PTSD. I can see how this isn't a recipe for flashback triggers, it wasn't that different an environment from your day to day 99.9% of the time. Meanwhile modern war is massively loud explosions, people randomly dying next to you, and in contexts like trench warfare or counterinsurgency its constant levels of awareness for the idea of metal cracking your skull in every direction. And we do get reports of PTSD-style symptoms from earlier WW1-style conflicts like the Russo-Japanese War. I think war-based PTSD is in some part a literal noise issue, and modern war is much louder.

Both probably play a role, but I think technology is the main one. War is now a factory for breaking one's sense of place in the world, almost by design (that works better for killing the enemy), so it really isn't even that surprising.

[magics-neptunes-things]

Collide (6)

Hi guys!

This new chapter is a little bit more angsty but also very sweet 😇

Please enjoy!

TW : Injury, nightmares, mention of bad past, angst.

PART 1 I PART 2 I PART 3 I PART 4 I PART 5 | PART 7

______________________________________________________________

You didn’t give Alessia all the reasons for your nightmares, not because you don’t trust her, but because you don’t want to put her in front of the darkness of some people. When you see her the next morning for breakfast, Leah singing in the shower, it was without daring to look at her that you spoke.

"Less?"

"Mhm?"

Lost in her thoughts until now, the blonde looked up at you. You are leaning against the island of your kitchen while Alessia is seated at the table. You are never very in talking much in the morning, both needing time to wake up.

"You know, for last night…"

"You don’t have to explain anything to me" Alessia kindly assured you with a smile. "It’s okay"

"I know" you answered with a slight smile back. "It’s just that sometimes my dreams are a little too realistic. Things have happened in my past, but… well, you know."

It’s a very awkward explanation, but the blonde didn’t seem to want to hold it against you.

"And thank you, for staying and being there for me" you mutter shyly.

"You would have done the same for me"

The calm, safe tone that Alessia used made you look up at her. She’s not wrong, obviously.

"Yeah. I know you already have your share of best friends, but I’m happy with the place you’re taking in my life. You’re more like a sister to me than a simple friend"

Alessia’s chair rattles on the floor when she gets up, something that would have made you moan in everyday life. But since it’s to offer you one of her biggest teddy bear hugs, you don’t take the time to scold her, choosing to hug her back.

"I love you too" she whispers affectionately, rubbing your back.

Even if it’s not exactly what you told her, you understand the message and you hug her back even harder. That’s when Leah showed up in the kitchen, ready for today’s game.

"Molesting my girlfriend again, Russo?"

********

You and Leah are in the restaurant face to face when you talk about the subject that has been bothering you for a few days. It’s not a huge stress, but you’re wondering how to approach it, fearing a negative response from Leah.

The evening is going well, you have already come twice to this restaurant and each time you liked it very much. The choices are not multiple, but there is enough to satisfy your cravings for culinary discoveries and the list of foods rather restraint tolerated by Leah. The blonde is breathtaking in her outfit, once again, and you are happy to see that she made this clothing effort just for you.

It’s at dessert that you finally broach the subject, swinging nervously on your chair.

"Besides, I was wondering… do you have any plans while I’m away?"

You are called to training camps for the national team, Norway having to pass the play-offs to qualify for the next competition. With England already being on, Leah is kind of on vacation next week.

"No, not really. Probably spending time with my family, seeing Alex… that kind of things. Why?"

Leah looks at you curiously over her ice cream and you play mechanically with your spoon and a piece of cake.

"Would you like to come with me?"

"In Norway?"

You nod at her, without daring to look at her. The only time you offered it to Alina, she laughed and asked what the hell she would do there. You may not have chosen the best time since it was in summer and most people prefer to fly somewhere warm, but still.

"I thought I could show you some places I like and grew up in. And my parents have really wanted to meet you, since I’ve been talking to them about you. You can say no, if you don’t want to. There is no pressure and I will understand."

Leah’s hand gently settles on yours, making you look up at it immediately and stop your rambling.

"I'll come with pleasure Honey."

The simple answer makes you feel so relieved that you feel like your anxiety is deflating like a balloon.

"Yeah?"

"Of course"

"Awesome"

You can’t mask your smile, which makes Leah laugh softly. Her hand gets loose from yours when she starts eating her ice cream again, but you don’t take it personally. You have neither confirmed nor denied the rumors of relationship between you, preferring to live your story day by day. Plus, who are you against a mint chocolate chips ice cream?

Leah asks you what kind of clothes she needs to take and you laugh when she pouts when she learns the temperature differences between London, Oslo and your hometown. You have already spoken to her several times about your parents and she doesn’t seem otherwise stressed at the idea of meeting them. She’s right, you know your parents are going to love her very much. You’ve been working on it for a long time now anyway.

"Oh and there will surely be Mapi with Ingrid too" you inform Leah with a little amused smile.

"Excuse me?"

********

A few days later, you are on the plane to Norway, with some of your compatriots but especially Leah. You have another flight of a few hours to reach Tromsø, where you lived and grew up until you were stupid enough to want to run away with your first girlfriend to a bigger city. Having met her on the Internet, you have no memories with her in this city, which pleased Leah rather well. It’s not exactly the same for Oslo, but we’ll talk about it later.

Your parents, delighted to have their only child for a few days, have both picked you up at the airport. If Leah hasn’t been stressed in the last few days, she seems to have skyrocketed in the last half hour and the blonde didn’t stop talking for a single second. It made you laugh, but remembering how stressed you were when you officially met Leah’s relatives, you patiently answered each of her questions.

"It’s going to be ok Babe" you smile when you see her playing nervously with the tag of her suitcase while waiting to pass the security.

Since you are behind her, you step forward to put a kiss just behind her ear and you smile as you feel her letting her go against you. In recent days, it was rather her role to reassure you, the blonde fearing that your nightmares came back constantly. That hasn’t been the case, but Leah’s increased attention to you hasn’t been unpleasant. Especially because it means you get even more hugs and kisses than usual.

You have one of the biggest hug from both of your parents at the same time, before detaching from them to turn to Leah and make the introductions. As you might have guessed, the first contact is more than successful. Your parents speak English very well, which is lucky. Leah speaks a few words of Norwegian that you taught her, but she might not be able to have an ongoing conversation in that language.

On the way home, your parents ask you about the trip and your level of fatigue. If you slept during the first flight, the second not. They also inquire about what you are planning to show Leah over the next few days, also informing you that they are planning a dinner with some of your family members. Your cousin will come to see you play in Oslo too, this will allow Leah to meet her before finding herself with her in the stands of the football stadium. Your parents will be there too.

Dinner goes well (you made sure to give your mother the list of things Leah eats) and the kindness of your parents seem to help Leah relax quickly. You show her the house of your childhood, finding your bedroom that you had at the time.

It's a fairly simple room whose only large window overlooks your garden. Your double bed is glued against the back wall in the middle of the wall with your collection of stuffed animals. Your black carpet on which you have spilled paint hundreds of times above is at the feet of it, giving in your opinion an artistic touch to the latter. There are old trophies you won with your football teams on a shelf, a desk full of memories and useless things in its drawers and dozens of photos hanging on the wall.

"Is that you?" laughs Leah as she approaches the photos on one of your bedroom walls, picturing you behind your first birthday cake.

"No, that's the neighbor" you answer with a grin.

Leah laughs again and you let her discover your room quietly, taking the opportunity to join the bathroom adjoining your room to change and refresh a little. You see Leah entering the bathroom too from the mirror, which allows you not to jump when she sticks to you to put kisses on your cheek.

"How are you feeling?" you ask the pretty blonde.

"Good. Your parents are adorable, but it’s not surprising when you see their daughter" Leah says maliciously.

You roll your eyes and close the water tape, then turn in her arms to put your arms around her neck. That’s all Leah needed to put her head on your neck and put some kisses in it.

"What about you?" she asks between two of her kisses.

"I’m glad you’re here" you smile.

********

The next two days were spent in Leah discovering your hometown, your favorite places and different members of your family. As you would expect, Leah are doing perfectly well in the setting, getting along wonderfully with everyone. Despite the difficulty of the language sometimes, but you gladly play the interpreters between the two different worlds. Only the cold seems to be a bit of a problem for Leah, but you are in the very north of Norway, even further north than if you were in Iceland.

One day before the day set by the Norwegian federation, you fly back to Oslo. You managed to get a room for Leah in the same hotel where your team is staying and you’re counting on your family to keep Leah busy during practice. You don’t know yet whether you’ll be able to slip into her room at night, but you’ll see. For the moment you share the hotel room with Leah and it suits you very well like that.

While waiting for the gathering, you show Oslo to Leah and you have an appointment for lunch with Ingrid and Mapi. The idea that the two blondes meet makes you laugh a lot and you know that it’s the same thing for Ingrid.

"Does she speak English?" asks Leah as you join the restaurant where you are supposed to meet.

"She understands it very well but answers Ingrid in Spanish. But I'm talking English with her, even if she speaks great Norwegian. Anyway, I never had any problems communicating with her."

Leah drops a little grunt as a simple answer and you roll your eyes. You managed to get from Leah that this tension would have been born since the elimination of Spain during the Euro, which is in your opinion a little futile.

"You’d better pass over. Ona and Lucy don’t seem to have this problem" you noted with amusement.

"Don’t count on me to coo with Maria Leon" grumbled at Leah.

"I don’t ask that much" you laughed before changing the subject.

You are the first arrivals and you inform Ingrid of your presence once seated at the table. Leah asks you some more questions about the city, which you answer with pleasure, happy to see your girlfriend take so much interest in your native country.

A few minutes later Ingrid and Mapi arrive, and you get up to greet them, imitated by Leah.

(The words in italics are in Norwegian but for the good of all I have not translated them)

"It’s good to see you" Ingrid smiles, hugging you before looking at you. "You look good."

"It’s fresh Norwegian air" you joke, before resuming in English. "Ingrid, this is Leah. Leah, this is Ingrid."

You let your best friend greet Leah, knowing your girlfriend is in good hands when you hear Ingrid greet Leah in a joyful tone. You turn towards Mapi, to whom you also give a hug. You then turn to Leah to redo the presentations, between Mapi and her this time. The exchange is a little more tense than with Ingrid and you roll your eyes when you see them shaking hands, but it’s already that.

The conversations finally go very well, even if Ingrid and you are very often the ones who link things. Leah’s hand settled right at the beginning of the meal naturally on your knee and you didn’t hesitate to interlace your fingers.

After the meal, you decide to take advantage of the mild weather (the term makes Mapi snorts) to go for a walk a little more. You know you’ll see Ingrid again in the next few days, but if your respective girlfriends can get along well and discover commonalities, why not.

"Hot chocolate?" offers Ingrid when you walk past a hot drink stand to take away.

"I’m coming to help you" you tell Ingrid, dropping Leah’s hand to follow her to the booth.

"I like her" immediately announces Ingrid in line to get your drinks. "You did well about listen to yourself"

You smile softly, your chaotic beginnings being far behind you now. Well, only a few months but a lot has already happened between you and you feel so good with the blonde that you have the impression that all this is far behind you.

"She’s great, really" you answer always smiling.

"And you look so happy" Ingrid adds without leaving your face with her eyes.

"I am" you confirm sincerely.

You have no trouble supporting Ingrid’s inquisitive gaze, which nods with her smile. You don’t have to add anything to convince her, but she will tell you a little later that she already was just by hearing you on the phone.

"Look at them" you laugh softly pointing at your two blondes.

Ingrid follows your gaze on Leah and Mapi, both talking from the tip of their lips at eachother as if they were afraid of being seen by someone. The scene seems to amuse Ingrid as much as you since she also laughs before it’s your turn to order.

Your return is greeted with a big smile on both sides and if Leah isn't begged to recover her hot chocoalt, she also doesn’t hesitate to put her arm around your waist. There are fewer people on the streets of Oslo than in London, but if Leah is spotted in the stands of your next match, people will probably quickly draw the right conclusions.

It’s finally in the late afternoon that you say goodbye to the couple who must join Ingrid’s family for dinner. You propose to Leah to show her the citadel, the nightfall offering you magnificent colors. Leah graciously accepts when you ask her to take pictures together before you return to the hotel.

It’s on the way back that your eyes are hung by a shop front that you know rather well. Your glance is noticed very quickly by Leah, who slows down a little. She understands very quickly.

"Do you mind if we say hello?" you ask Leah.

She seems to hesitate a little and you gently tighten her fingers in yours, trying to make her understand that you will respect her answer regardless of her nature.

"I guess" she finally answers, shrugging her shoulders.

You drag her to the tattoo shop, the doorbell ringing when you open it. It hasn’t changed much since the last time you came, except that other drawings were added to the wall. Leah quickly spots your signed football shirt on the wall.

"Y/N"

Leah’s eyes follow the sound of the voice to fall on a young woman of your age, whom she hadn’t seen. The girl gets up from the desk behind which she was half hiding, resting the pencil she had in her hand to come to you. Well, right up to you because she’s hugging you for a warm embrace. What annoys Leah a little, she was often talked about Spanish and their tactile side but she was never warned that in Norway we also went without stopping touching her girlfriend.

"I didn’t expect to see you! How are you?"

"I’m fine" you answer with a smile, casually getting out of her arms to introduce Leah.

You slide an arm in the hollow of her back to advance her to your height, resuming in English.

"Nora, this is Leah. My girlfriend."

If the blonde couldn’t help but feel a touch of jealousy, she can only smile when seeing the smile and the pride with which you designate her. Finally the ball is put back in the center quickly, she thinks, before extending her hand to the tattooist to greet her.

"I don’t speak good English" Nora apologizes to Leah.

After your blonde assured her that it was fine like this, Nora’s attention turns to you and you exchange your latest news. You didn’t lie to Leah, you didn’t have any recent contacts, the jersey she hung on her living room wall was from the last international game you played before moving to Manchester. Leah quickly notices this by paying more attention to the frame. She also realizes that a photo of you and your tattoo are displayed just below, under your jersey.

What she doesn’t appreciate is the affectionate tone with which Nora seems to talk to you. Leah therefore takes care not to let go of your hand for a single second during your exchange.

"Does she know about us?" asks curiously Nora after a few minutes.

As if she had understood that you were talking about her, Leah looks away from the photos of tattoos displayed on the wall to report her attention on you two. You smile at her before you answer Nora.

"Yes. I don’t think there’s much she doesn’t know about me" you answer honestly and shrug your shoulders.

You are interrupted by another couple of clients entering the establishment and Nora apologizes for taking care of them, letting you drag Leah a little back from the entrance.

"If you tell me that it’s on her tattoo table that you did your disgusting business, I’ll burn the store" whispers Leah from the corner of her lips.

You laugh softly as you hear her, glancing at her in astonishment. You did notice Leah’s touch of jealousy at first, but there was nothing special about the rest of your conversation.

"This isn't where we did our disgusting business, likeyou say" you smile and roll your eyes. "You can calm your inflammatory tendencies. Plus, I have done way more disgusting things with you, Williamson."

"Not if she keeps looking at you like she does" the blonde grumbled, ignoring the second part of your sentence.

"Don’t be jealous" you say while tiptoeing to put a kiss on her cheek.

"You slept with her"

"It was a long time ago. I find the best one since"

"Hm."

You roll your eyes one more time and you cross her eyes without letting go of your smile. Leah ends up not being able to hold her smile and you deposit a new kiss, on the corner of her lips this time.

********

A few hours later, in your hotel room, you find yourself awake very early in the morning. Which is surprising since usually Leah almost have to push you out of bed. When you look at the time on your phone, you realize it’s barely 5:00 in the morning. And no matter how hard you try to go back to sleep, you can’t. Your mind flies over the different places in Oslo that you visited with Leah.

And the part that you’ve carefully avoided, afraid of running into Helena. You don’t know if she still lives here, you don’t know what happened to her either. But you could still find the house in which she lives (lived?) very easily. Without giving yourself too much time to think, you end up getting out of bed by taking all the precautions to not wake Leah. You dress quickly and before looking for what drives you to do this, you find yourself in the streets of Oslo in the direction of Helena’s house.

As you expected, you quickly find the way to this place that you hate more than anything. The lights are on upstairs and you take care not to being visible from where you are. With the day beginning to rise, you can observe the garden and see that it is still poorly maintained. The walls are even more decrepit than before and when a silhouette passes in front of the window without curtains you suddenly freeze.

It’s her.

But, unlike the last times you saw her, you didn’t feel the terror that inhabited you in her presence. Which is intriguing and difficult for you to understand. Then, finally, you realize that you don’t care. You can’t say that you don’t feel any negative emotions when you think about her, but you don’t care what she’s become.

On the other hand, thinking about the panic that Leah could feel if she wakes up without seeing you by her side makes you retrace your steps.

Leah is still asleep when you find your hotel room, but she quickly starts moving as soon as you get rid of your shoes and coat. You get back on the bed and put a hand in her hair, only now realizing your body temperature difference.

"Your hands are freezing" Leah complains, shivering, trying to stick against you probably to regain a little warmth.

"I'm sorry" you mumble while laying a kiss on the top of her head.

It only takes a few seconds for Leah to realize that you are no longer wearing your pajamas, stepping back to better observe you. Her eyebrows are frowned when she looks at your clothes and her eyes are uncertain when she rises on yours.

"Where did you go?"

"I went to Helena’s"

You didn’t hesitate a second to tell her the truth, but you flinch when you see Leah's face drops.

"Why? What happened?"

"Nothing. It’s okay Babe"

But Leah doesn’t seem convinced and even seems to have trouble understanding what pushed you to go there. And honestly, you wouldn’t be able to explain why either. Actually, you recognize a little of panic in her eyes and in her voice when she talks again.

"Did you talk to her?"

"No" you answer by shaking your head, taking her hand in yours to play with her fingers. "I didn’t see her either, just out the window. Nothing changed there, it’s still creepy and poorly maintained."

"Why didn’t you ask me to come with you? If something had happened to you, I wouldn’t have even known where to get you Y/N, you’re completely unconscious"

"Leah stop, I’m fine"

Leah looks at you with a skeptical air before suddenly drawing you against her by mumbling things far too quickly and too low for you to understand something. But you let her do it, pressing your face on her chest and letting your hands slide on her arms.

"Never do that again. Never leave without telling me where you're going."

"Promise" you sigh softly, lulled by the beating of her heart and her arms around you.

"No sleeping now" Leah grumble while tickling your ribs.

"Leah" you moan, wriggling on her to avoid her fingers.

"I’m serious Y/N. If anything happened to you…"

You quickly understand that under her grumpy air, there is also a great deal of concern. So you hurry up to look at her. It will be necessary to quickly clarify your ideas to try to make her understand what you have done.

"Nothing will happen to me, Babe. I think I just needed to see this place again to realize where I am now. To realize how far I’ve come since. And to realize how lucky I am, too."

"It has nothing to do with luck. You’ve worked a lot to get where you are" Leah says, finally relaxing a bit.

"I wasn’t just talking about football" you point out with a smirk. "But the beautiful blonde in my bed, too."

Leah laughs while hearing you and you take advantage of her change of mood to deposit several kisses on her face, in the hollow of her neck and about every square centimeter of her skin that you can reach.

********

The match being important, the training camps were rather harsh and severe. You get up early in the morning to have breakfast with the team before going to train until lunch. A short walk through Oslo follows to relax before resuming training for the afternoon. In the late afternoon you have either physical strengthening or other activities such as swimming pool or other things that are supposed to increase your chances of winning.

Needless to say, when you return to your room at night, you are exhausted. Luckily Leah continues to discover Norway with your parents or cousin, or all three, which doesn’t make you feel too guilty for bringing her here without being able to take full care of her. The team is staying in the same hotel, three floors below Leah’s room. You managed to sneak into Leah’s room several times during the stay, regaining the comfort and benefits of her arms.

The massages and baths she offers you are much more pleasant than the care provided by the team caregivers, we will not lie.

The day of the game comes quickly and you learn that you will be part of the eleven players of the beginning of the game. You play against Italy, a team that you don’t know too well but that has shown its qualities many times. You are not extremely confident, but as you have nothing to lose it’s with some form of conviction that you join the field.

The stadium is pretty full and when you listen to the Italian national anthem, you look for Leah in the family area. You can’t help but smile when you see her, even if you quickly realize that she put on a Norway team jersey over her jacket. When she realizes that you are looking at her, she turns around before pointing to the back of the jersey. If you can’t read the name from where you are, you have no problem recognizing the number. And it’s yours.

"If that’s not dedication" mumbles Guro next to you with an amused smile.

You give her a quick look in turn, before greeting the Italian players who parade in front of you. You spotted Mapi a few rows above Leah and your family in the bleachers, all also dressed in a Norwegian jersey.

As you might have guessed, the game is physical and tactfully hard. Italy play in a rather rough way, each time flirting with the limit of the yellow card. So you find yourself quite often on the ground and it starts hitting on your nerves from the middle of the first half. You swear in Norwegian when the referee whistles after another tackle against you, accepting Ingrid’s hand to help you get up.

"Don’t let them get in your head, that’s exactly what they want. Stay focus." Ingrid tells you before joining the players standing close to the goal to try and get the free kick to the bottom of the net.

In Arsenal, it’s Katie who shoots the free kicks, but in the Norway team, it’s you who does it. You have been watching her a lot over the last few months, her kick and the precision she shows have always given you a lot of admiration. Even when you played her in Manchester City. Trying to remember the advices she gave you over time, you exhale before you step out of the ball to hit it.

You have the impression that it flies in slow motion, before finding the head of Vilde Bøe Risa and finishing at the bottom of the nets. The shouts of the crowd suddenly resound and you quickly join the rest of your teammates to celebrate the goal. You smile when you feel a few of them tapping on the head to congratulate yourself, returning to your place to allow the match to resume. When you look towards Leah, you can only smile when she raises her thumb in your direction.

It’s only with a small advantage on the counter that you find the changing rooms, but as your coach says, it’s better than nothing. You take advantage of the warmth of the changing rooms to warm up a little, accompanied by a hot tea. When you find the ground fifteen minutes later, the cold is still present but it seems to you less unpleasant.

Italy manages to equalize at the sixtieth minute, but thanks to a good pass from Ingrid you manage to allow Norway to regain the advantage about ten minutes later. The tension is palpable as the minutes pass the contacts become even more brutal than before.

And what was to happen happened.

It’s in the eighty-eighth minutes that you are again launched towards the goal.

You know that if you manage to score, it will definitely qualify your team. So you try to ignore your painful muscles and the different bruises that will definitely mark your body in a few hours to move away at full speed towards the opposing goalkeeper.

You only have one opponent to eliminate to get there, but she seems determined not to let you pass. The tackle you undergo is far from clean, your leg gripped in pincers between her two, emiting a sinister crack when you fall back on the ground.

The pain is immediate and so intense that you cannot hold back a real cry of pain. With your face leaning against the grass, you try to grab your leg to try to reduce the pain but you release it quickly when you understand your mistake. You’re in such pain that you can’t figure out exactly where you’re hurt.

Above you, an argument quickly broke out between several of your teammates and the player responsible for the tackle. The medical team is quickly at your side and you can’t help but push their hands when they start examining your leg.

"Don’t touch me" you beg by turning on your back.

Mixed up in the argument, Ingrid ends up shifting her attention to you by hearing the talking you have with the doctors. When she kneels beside you, one of the doctors quickly asks her to hold your hands to let them work. Ingrid obeys, letting you grab her hands as hard as you can.

Your best friend looks up at the family stands in front of you. She can therefore see that Leah has left her seat and moved as close to the field as possible, seeking to see as best as possible what is happening. Her face is twisted by worry, but what surprises Ingrid above all is to see that Mapi joined her and put a hand probably supposed to be comforting on Leah’s shoulder.

At their side, your parents and your cousin don’t seem to be particularly comfortable either.

Her eyes then rest on you when you are given morphine, before transferring to a stretcher. You leave the field under applause, but the pain and fear of the reality of your injury don’t allow you to appreciate them. Stretcher movements give you intense pain and you have to bite your hands so you don’t scream again. It’s a real relief when morphine finally takes effect some minutes after.

On the field, the end of the game is quickly whistled after the incident. When Ingrid joins her family and yours, she hugs Mapi while being having to answer hundred questions from your parents.

"Is it her ACL?" is the only question Leah asks.

"I don’t know" sighs Ingrid shaking her head, always in Mapi's arms. "She was... She wasn't able to say where exactly her pain was. I can try to get you into the locker room and infirmary if she hasn’t already left for the hospital. But maybe not everyone."

"Go ahead, Leah" your mother replies almost immediately, tapping on the blonde’s shoulder.

Leah hesitates for a split second, not wanting to interfere with the needs and desires of her in-laws. But one look at your father is enough to convince her and she skillfully jumps over the fence.

Ingrid trains her more or less discreetly towards the tunnel to reach the inside of the stadium, exchanging only a few words with your national coach in Norwegian. Obviously Leah doesn't understand a word of it, she only has in mind to be able to find you and know what you have.

Only a few dozen minutes have passed since the shock and your injury, but it seems to you that it's rather long hours. Despite the morphine, you continue to feel spikes of pain. You have never felt such intense pain and you find yourself having to focus on the painting of the ceiling to not lose consciousness.

After three knocks against the door, it opens slowly, letting your best friend and girlfriend pass.

"Leah" you manage to croak and she rushes towards you.

One of her hand squeezes your hand and the other gently caresses your hair while her eyes search for yours.

"What did they say?" Leah asks

"Nothing" you admit pitifully "They were waiting for morphine to take effect, it was hurting to much until now"

Speaking of which, you see two doctors come back inside the room and Ingrid slips away without having laid a kiss on your forehead. And after getting Leah’s promise to keep her informed.

Some new swearing in Norwegian escapes from your lips when they start auscultating you, Leah mentally promises herself to ask you about it in a few days. But right now she’s too busy sympathizing with your pain and looking for a way to turn you away from what’s happening.

"Did we win at least?"

"Yeah. 2-1. You were amazing by the way, we’re gonna have to fight to keep you at Arsenal if you keep playing that well."

You roll your eyes but you are quickly brought to the heart of the matter by the main doctor. He speaks Norwegian, so you have to translate it to Leah.

"What did he say?"

"He thinks it’s a fracture. They’ll transfer me to the hospital."

"At least it’s not your ACL" Leah sighs of relief.

You grimace before addressing the doctor again, asking if it's possible that someone could bring the things you left in the locker room.

Ingrid brings them to you, already changed and showered when she appears. Your parents, your cousin and Mapi follow her. All these people are not allowed to follow you to the hospital, but you reassure them as much as possible. You promise once again to keep them informed and you kiss them before going to the ambulance. Quickly realizing that it's impossible to put your foot on the ground or even hop while holding on to Leah, you are pushed on a bed to the vehicle.

Arriving at the hospital, you enjoy being able to wash yourself, with the precious help of Leah. You sigh with despair when you have to put on one of these hospital gowns, but this gives you the right to have access to a room and it's always more pleasant than the ambient noise of the reception of the emergency.

You leave Leah for a few moments to go for the scanner and she's eating the vanilla pudding of your meal tray when you come back.

"You hate vanilla" she exclaims for an excuse with an innocent face when you look at her with an half amused-half severe smile.

It also turns out that this is the only food that the blonde likes on what is offered on this set. You eat without much conviction under the insistence of Leah, the blonde certifying that she promised your mother to take care of you and that it begins by ensuring that you eat properly.

You both doze off when the doctors come back with your test results, you on your bed and Leah in a chair next to you. The blonde stubbornly refused to lie next to you despite your insistence, being too afraid to hurt you.

Leah’s frustration is at its height when you are given information in your native language, not understanding any of the words spoken. There is no similarity between these two languages and she wonders how you learned to speak English so well under these conditions.

"So?" she asks barely a second after the doctor has finished talking.

"Tibial tray fracture" you mumble

"Do you need surgery?"

You shake your head negatively, a little stunned by all this. You are interrupted by the doctor who tells you a few more words before leaving the room, shaking your hand then Leah's.

********

The night at the hospital was complicated for you, apart from the pain that kept you awake for many hours, you had to be taken away so that they put a cast that you will have to keep for a few weeks, before changing it for a splint. The only time you got your smile back was when you could choose the color of your blast.

"Red" you answered without hesitation.

"Red?" Leah asked when she saw the nurses preparing the mixture.

"If I have to stay stuck in the bleachers for a few weeks, I might as well match the colors of Arsenal"

You shrugged, trying to hide your sadness from this idea. Leah went through a lot more difficult than that and you don’t want to impose your moods on her. But she seems to have perfected her ability to read your thoughts since she immediately raised your face gently for you to look at her.

"Oh no, not that. You have the right to be sad, you have the right to be angry and you have the right to blame the whole world. But you don’t have the right to shut yourself up and not talk about how you feel. You don’t have to tell me if you’d rather confide to Less or someone else, but don’t shut yourself. Please."

Throat knotted, you couldn’t say anything, so you just nodded. That was enough for Leah who laid a tender kiss on your cheek.

"And you can count on me to be there every step of the way"

"I know" you smiled softly

With you and Leah not leaving until two days later, you mostly stayed in your hotel room after leaving the hospital. You have been busy for a long time with the various calls and messages you have received from many of your relatives. Instead of calling you once a week, your mother called you every day. And of course you got calls from Ingrid, Leila, Laia, Alessia (who in the meantime changed her name in your phone by Sis ✨), Katie and finally almost all of Arsenal.

"Nice free kick" told you Katie when she called you via FaceTime "I will have competition to take it at Arsenal, it’s good."

When you flew back to London and you’ve never been happier living in an elevator building. All that remains is to hope that it doesn’t break down for the next six weeks, when you can apparently start walking again without having the leg immobilized.

Leah will keep her promise to not to leave you alone for the slightest minute as she will establish a whole program with the club’s doctors so that your rehabilitation and the strengthening exercises you have to do will be planned at exactly the same times as the workouts of the others. When you’re not at Arsenal facilities, you are at home with her.

And on game days, you watch them play. The next match is against Aston Villa and you regret a little not participating in the game alongside Leah. Being able to beat the team in which your two exes evolve is a little too interesting idea for you, but it will wait next time. Meanwhile, you just follow Leah with your eyes, carefully studying Jordan’s behavior towards her.

Arsenal wins hands down and even if you are disappointed not to play with your team, you are very proud of your teammates. At the end of the match, you follow Lia who was replaced towards the end of the match on the field with your crutches, struggling a little because of the slippery ground. But you quickly reach the height of Alessia that you take in your arms to congratulate her on the goal she scored.

You’re having a hard time finding Leah in the crowd of players and you can’t help but get a little nervous about Jordan getting her before you. It’s however Katie who turns you away from this idea when she suddenly arrives behind you to lift you and begin to carry you like a bride.

"Let go of me, you maniac" you laugh when you see her starting a lap without letting you go.

"Why? Show everyone your cast!"

During one of the lunch breaks, her and Leah worked hard to reproduce the Arsenal logo on your cast and they are both very proud of their work. Your cast also has the names of all your teammates, a cat drawning made by Viv supposed to represent Raven, flowers made by Alessia and an Australian flag made by Kyra.

You roll your eyes, your arms around Katie's neck to stabilize you.

"Uh, the other way please" you mumble realizing that Lia is now exchanging a few words with Alina, right in the direction that Katie is going.

"Oops."

The Irish changes direction, only so that you find yourself facing Leah who looks at you both with fun.

"Can you give me back my girlfriend now please?"

"Dunno. I like her" Katie tease Leah as she tighten you up against her.

"I’m here too, by the way"

You see Caitlin waving her arm with a big smile a few meters from you, making the three of you laugh. When Katie finally puts you down, Leah beckons you to climb on her back, making you frown.

"People are gonna think this is weird, no?"

"Leah was in the stands of your last game with a jersey named after you. What would be weird is that they haven’t figured it out yet" Manu, who joined you, says.

"She’s right" Leah shrugged. "And at worst, we don’t care?"

Since the blonde doesn’t seem to see the slightest inconvenience, you don’t make yourself pray any longer. Leaning on her shoulders, you jump on her back, Leah passing her arms under your thighs so she can carry you properly. You greet the crowd from time to time when you hear your name, talking about everything and nothing with Leah and your teammates.

"So, we don't care right?" You ask Leah after a few minutes.

"Yes, why?"

You’re not answering her question. Instead, you lean over her and kiss her cheek, then the corner of her lips when she turns her head towards you. She grins and you grin back at her.

"Hard launch" Caitlin sings, her arm around Katie's waist.

"Yeah, you're the one to talk" Leah laughs while looking at them.

You didn’t see Jordan after the game and when you ask Alessia a little after, she will tell you that she actually went back to the locker room almost right after the whistle. It probably means to you that seeing you with Leah is difficult for her, probably confirming your theory. But the photos you see on social media a little later, while you are peacefully lying in Leah’s arms in your bed, could alone confirm that the blonde has indeed moved on.

The way she looks at you on those pictures gives you butterflies in your stomach and a wave of affection for her. Leah will only have two seconds to understand what happens to her when you drop your phone on the mattress to go up for her lips and kiss her passionately. She’s yours.

[sergeantbuckybarnes]

anti-heroe // billy russo

Summary: You’re assigned to eliminate Frank Castle. But how can you do it? He’s your boyfriend’s best friend. And Billy has no idea you used to kill for money.

Pairing: Billy Russo x BlackWidow!Reader

Word count: 4.3k

Warnings: soft billy, implied smut, murder, stabbing, blood, lame descriptions of fighting, angst, a bit of fluff

A/N: As always, remember English is not my first language. Thanks to @wannab-urs​ for proofreading this!

main masterlist

Karen was already in bed when the sound of frantic knocking on her door startled her. Her heart raced as the sound grew louder and more insistent with each passing moment. She turned to the alarm clock on her bed table flashing 10:30 pm.

Who could be knocking at this hour?

She slowly got up and crept toward the door. As she got closer, the knocking continued, and she heard a faint voice calling out her name.

She cautiously opened the door, her features quickly twisting into a horrified expression at the scene in front of her eyes — you, bleeding, the handle of a knife protruding from your stomach, your left arm loosely hanging on the neck of a blonde woman who had her arm wrapped around your waist to hold you steady.

“A little help here?”

48 HOURS EARLIER

The sun was rising and the birds were singing outside. A strong arm was wrapped around your waist, and his breath was hitting the back of your neck. You smiled and snuggled into his warm chest, feeling content and happy. Even though you'd only been together for a little over a year, you couldn't imagine living without the feeling of being in his arms.

Billy stirred behind you, and you felt his arm tighten around you. “Good morning, beautiful,” he murmured against your neck, leaving scorching open-mouthed kisses there. 

Those three little words were enough to make your heart flutter.

You turned to face him, and he trailed his lips toward yours. You gazed into his eyes, taking in the moment. You had never considered yourself a lucky person, but meeting Billy changed your outlook on life. Being there, nestled in his arms, made the world outside seem less twisted. Billy's embrace erased every negative memory, feeling, or thought you had. You were safe there, with him. He was home.

You knew you were in love with the ex-marine, but you were wise to refrain from saying the three words. Frank had made it a point, when you and Billy got together, to inform you that this was Billy's first serious relationship --finally choosing quality over quantity. You weren't sure if he was trying to scare you or what, but it had the opposite effect. It gave you some kind of... confidence? Because this was also your first serious relationship. Well, it was your first relationship. Period.

You didn’t want to scare him with these feelings, especially when you weren’t sure if they were reciprocated. So you preferred to keep basking in what you had. 

“Good morning, handsome,” you whispered softly against his lips. Your breath mingled with his before you crashed your lips against his, in a not-so-soft kiss.

You were soon trapped beneath him, and although having Billy Russo on top of you was very enticing, and you would have taken that road any other day, you put a palm on his chest, backing him up a little.

“I have to go to work, and so do you.”

Billy groaned in frustration.

“You don’t have to work in that dreadful place; you know you could work for me.” 

It wasn't the first time Billy had offered you a position at ANVIL so you wouldn't have to work at the coffee shop, and just like the other times, you turned the offer down.

“So everyone can gossip that I made my way there through being tangled in the boss’ sheets? Thank you, but no.”

“You know I wouldn’t let anybody shame you like that,” he said it in such a convincing and certain tone that it almost convinced you. Almost.

“You can’t control anything, Billy.”

“I sure can try.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck and bring him down toward you, minimizing the gap between the two of you. 

“I like my job.”

“No, you don’t.”

No, you didn’t. You hated how well he knew you. But the truth is, the job at the coffee shop is the best you could aspire for—You didn't even have a high school diploma; you didn’t have anything to apply for a well-paying proper job. And part of the reason you didn’t take Billy’s offer was because you didn’t want him to pity you or just give you a good position because you were his girlfriend.

“Just hear me out,” Billy said, his voice earnest. “You're smart, hardworking, and I know you would excel in a corporate setting. Plus, we could spend even more time together.”

You sighed. “Billy, I appreciate your confidence in me, but I want to earn my own success, not just have it handed to me because of our relationship."

“I’m not gonna convince you, am I?”

You shook your head, “But you’re always welcome to try.”

You closed the gap and let yourself get lost in him.

Today was a particularly busy day. You were wiping down counters and restocking coffee mugs when you saw a familiar face that made your stomach drop.

You could feel her eyes on you as you continued to wipe down the counter. You tried to complete your task quickly, hoping that you could escape to the back room before she had the chance to say anything. But before you were able to get away, she waved you over to her table.

You took a seat across from her and nervously fiddled with your apron. She seemed delighted to see you, greeting you like you were long-time friends, with a smile plastered on her face that you could tell was far from being genuine.

“What are you doing here, Valentina?” you sighed.

It was obvious she didn’t make her way to the coffee shop you worked at just because she was a coffee lover. Valentina Allegra de Fontaine never did anything without a motive.

“I have a job for you.”

You squint your eyes at the woman.

“I’m retired. Go and find someone else.”

You promised yourself when you got free that you’d never go back to that life. You couldn't undo what you'd done in the past, but you weren’t under chemical subjugation anymore, you were free, and you wanted to live a normal life — the life you never had the opportunity to have. The life Dreykov took away from you when you were barely three years old, and he decided an orphan child would be a good killing machine someday. You’d spent the last 25 years of your life being a puppet, and you refused to be one again.

“You’re going to be interested in this one. Trust me,” she insisted. 

You knew the woman well enough to know she wasn’t going to drop the subject, and you noticed the queue of people forming behind her. 

“I have a break in five minutes.”

You opened the door of the shop and a gust of wind hit your face. You were relieved to be out of the cramped, stuffy store taking a deep breath of the fresh, cool air. You started walking down the street, feeling the wind tousling your hair.

You reached a nearby alley, knowing Valentina was waiting for you. It had been about a year since you last saw the woman. You had no idea how she had found you because you thought you had done a fantastic job of remaining under her radar. You doubted Yelena had sold you out, that was not typical of her.

“Well?” You asked as you rounded the corner. Just as you had anticipated, there she was. Valentina Allegra de Fontaine's composure and elegance were nearly impossible to overlook. Though this clearly wasn't her preferred hangout, it didn't appear to bother her. She was a woman who could adapt to anything, never looking out of place even when she so clearly stood out.. 

Her appearance matched her personality; Valentina was a powerful woman who easily influenced people; fortunately for you, you knew her well enough not to fall for her ruses.

She handed you the file she was holding when she walked in the coffee shop before. “They’re offering $200,000 to take him down.” 

You glanced bewildered at the woman. That was a substantial sum of money. 

“Why me?” You inquired. 

“Because you’re the best.”

You averted your gaze from her and opened the file. The blood drained from your face when you saw the picture of the man in the file.

“Who wants him dead?”

“That I can’t tell.”

Your attention remained fixated on the photograph, as a maelstrom of emotions and thoughts raced through every inch of your body.

“Well, what do you say? Do you want to get back into business, or do you want to spend the rest of your life pouring coffee and struggling to make ends meet?”

You closed the file and tossed it to her. 

“I’m not gonna kill Frank Castle.”

“You’re too quiet,” Billy pointed. He had noticed something was worrying you. Yet he was hesitant to ask you. The last thing he wanted was to upset you more. But as the night went on your distress didn’t subside, and he started to get really worried.

You looked at him, “I’m fine,” you simply said. 

“No, you’re not,” he grabbed the book you were pretending to read, “Did something happen at work?”

You shook your head.

“What’s worrying you, love?”

You sighed. You didn’t want to lie to him, but you couldn’t tell him the truth either. “Just tired. It’s been a busy day.”

You knew he wasn't fooled by your pathetic excuse, but fortunately, he didn't press the issue.

“I can help you relax,” he said instead, pulling a strand of hair out of the way so he could kiss your neck, moving up the line of your jaw and back down your throat.. His lips moved along your skin, sending sparks of pleasure through your veins. You closed your eyes and relaxed into the sensation, feeling your body come alive with anticipation.

You needed a distraction right now, and Billy was always too good at taking your mind off problems.

“Yes, please,” your voice came as a faint whisper, just barely audible to him.

“Anything you want?”

You turned to look at him and soon you were lost in his dark eyes. His eyes held so much emotion that it felt like you could combust.

“Just make me forget my shitty day.”

A smirk lifted in his perfect features, “That I can do.” 

He easily lifted you off the couch, your legs wrapped around his waist, one arm loosely draped around his neck while your other hand gripped his jaw and you collided your lips against his in a sloppy kiss as he carried you to the bedroom.

You raised your hand and knocked on Yelena's apartment door. After a few seconds of waiting, she heard footsteps approaching. The door opened, revealing a disheveled Yelena.

“What was the emergency?” Yelena asked, as you stepped inside and glanced around the apartment. It was bigger than yours, but just as cluttered. 

“Hope, it’s not too early,” you said when you saw her yawning.

“No. Not at all. I was already up anyways,” she said, rubbing her eyes. “So what brings you here?”

You shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Okay,” Yelena said as she headed to the kitchen. “Do you want some coffee?”

“No, thanks,” You replied as you followed Yelena. “Has Val contacted you?”

Yelena turned around, visibly surprised. “No, she hasn’t. I’m on holiday.”

“Good for you,” you muttered dryly. “She came to my workplace to offer me a job.”

“How did she find you?”

“Good question. But that’s not why I’m here. The target she offered me is my friend’s boyfriend.”

“Well, that sucks.”

Typical Yelena. Emphatic as always.

“Who do you think is going to take over?” You asked her, “Sonya? Maybe Antonia?”

Yelena shrugged, “No idea.”

“Come on, Yelena. An innocent man could die!” You exclaimed, exasperated.

Sometimes her emotional detachment drove you insane.

“If Val took the case he’s not innocent.”

“I know this dude, he’s a good man.” 

You were sure that whoever ordered this murder was someone with a vendetta against The Punisher and they didn’t want to get their hands dirty by doing the job themselves.

“And what do you want us to do?”

“Protect him.”

“You said you didn’t want to get involved in this life again!” Yelena exclaimed.

“I’m not gonna murder anyone. I'm going to stop someone from being killed." You defended yourself..

“Who is this guy anyway?”

“Frank Castle.”

“The Punisher?” Yelena's eyes widened in surprise. Oh, so she knows him. “He’s a 40-year-old man with military training, I think he’s more than capable of protecting himself.”

“Not against one of us,” you said. Yelena looked at you, “Do you think another widow is going to balk when she has to pull the trigger and put a bullet through his head with a sniper rifle?”

“Ты и твой героиновый комплекс,” she murmured under her breath.

“пожалуйста сестра,” you pleaded

“Do you have a crush on this guy or something?”

“What? No! I just told you he’s my friend’s boyfriend, and not only that but my boyfriend’s best friend.”

“You got yourself a boyfriend? Damn, girl, you livin’ the good life,” she made a brief pause, then asked, “Is he hot?” She wriggled her eyebrows and you let out a chuckle.

“He’s so fucking hot.”

You almost forgot what it was like to be on a mission —spying on someone, following their movements, watching and learning their weakness.  This time was different. For the first time, you weren’t learning the best way to kill a target. You were learning how to protect one.

You and Yelena found yourselves crouched on the rooftop of the building opposite Frank's apartment. From there you had the perfect view of his house and the street. He hadn’t left his place since you arrived a few hours ago, which made things a little easier. 

“There’s someone else there with him,” Yelena said, looking through the binoculars. 

You turned to her, “What? No one has entered the building since we arrived.”

“Maybe he was already there, just out of view.”

You took the binoculars from her hands and brought them close to your eyes. 

“Oh no.” 

Your voice betrayed you and it didn’t pass Yelena who started to swamp you with questions. “What? You know the other guy? Is he a threat? Should we intervene?” 

“What’s Billy doing here?”

It only complicated things more. God, you hated your life.

“Wait… Is that lover boy?” She took the binoculars from your hands. “Черт, он горячий. Вы точно знаете, как их выбирать.”

She then turned your attention to you. “Does he know?”

You knew exactly what she meant by that.

“No.”

“It's better that way.”

You turned to her, “Is it? Because I feel immense guilt every time I look at him. Every time he asks me about my childhood and I have to feed him lies, I feel like a horrible person. Especially when he has been nothing but honest with me.”

“If you had told him the truth he would have run out,” you looked at her, she paused briefly and then continued, “We’re not like Natasha. We’re not an Avenger. We’re not the trained killer on the cover of a magazine that kids call their hero. And you may have left this life, but this life never leaves you. The sooner you understand that, the better.”

You wanted to believe that Billy would have understood what you went through. He had to, right? Then why haven’t you told him.

“They’re leaving.”

Yelena’s voice pulled you out of your trance. Seconds later, Billy and Frank were walking out the doors of the building. Not much later, a dark figure appeared from a nearby alley and was now discreetly following the men.

“We have to go down,” you said as you reached for a wire to attach to the front of the building, but your friend reached her hand, stopping you.

“Wait.”

“Wait for what?”

You didn’t want to take any chances. You pulled on your mask and night vision goggles, concealing your entire face. You secured your grappling hook on the rooftop and started repelling down to the ground. You moved quickly and gracefully, making it look easy.

“ебать,” Yelena muttered under her breath before following your actions.

You didn't exactly land quietly; as you neared the bottom, you let go of the rope and slid to the ground. And the fact that there wasn't a single soul on the street didn't help either. Billy and Frank didn't have time to acknowledge your presence before Yelena landed next to you and another three people stepped out of the shadows, blocking their path.

“What the fuck?” you muttered to yourself. 

“What the hell is this?” Frank demanded..

“You pissin’ the wrong people off again, Frankie?”

The dark figure that had come out of the alley was still behind the two men, you lifted your right arm, the Widow’s bite ready to take the aim, and in the blink of an eye, an electrical discharge hit them. One down.

At this, two of the other persons dressed in black attacked Billy and Frank. Frank threw a punch at one of them, and Billy kicked the other one. The last one standing made a move toward you, but before you could hit them with a taser disk, Yelena took them out with a bullet in their skull.

The sound of the shot bounced off the silence of the street, and it only made the other two people who were fighting Billy and Frank fight harder. One of them pulled a knife from their suit pocket, and nimbly slashed Frank across the face, followed by a kick to the chest that staggered Frank a bit. In turn, the other fighter had managed to immobilize your boyfriend, forcing him to his knees and  aiming a Heckler & Koch P30 at his head.

Rage ran through your blood, “Я бы не стал этого делать, если бы я был тобой,” you stepped closer, “держись от него подальше.”

They laughed at you in response, which only infuriated you more. You sprinted at them, and with a swift flick of your leg, you knocked the revolver out of their hand, freeing Billy from their clutches. 

You took a  swing at the masked attacker, who easily blocked it and then jumped back to avoid the next one. You moved with grace and precision, as if you had been born to fight, and in a way, you had been. They were struggling to keep up, you could sense their desperation, and took advantage of it. 

You went for the kill. You delivered a powerful kick that sent the attacker against the building’s wall. They tried to stand up, but you had already moved in for the finishing move. You grabbed their neck and twisted it sharply, breaking it in one swift move.

When you turned to see if Yelena was okay, you noticed the one Frank had been fighting lay  motionless on the ground. He reached down and removed the mask his adversary had been wearing the entire time, revealing a young dark-haired woman no older than 30 years old.

So you were correct. They all were Widows.

“You know this woman?” He asked, turning to face your boyfriend, who was approaching him.

Billy inspected the woman's face and then shook his head. Then, the two men's attention was drawn toward you and Yelena. 

“Мы должны уйти. Наша работа здесь сделана,” Yelena said when she sensed their gaze on her.

“Oh dear, no one is leaving. The fun has just begun.”

That didn't come from any of you, but rather from a newcomer to the scene —a redhead in a white suit.

Why wasn’t she wearing a mask like the others?

A gun was visible in one of her suit's front pockets, and she held a dagger in her right hand. She moved to strike Frank, but you stepped in the line of fire, your body taking the full brunt of the impact. You grunted in agony as the cold dagger pierced your stomach and the redhead twisted it inside you.

The two men were frozen at the scene that had just unfolded in front of their eyes. Yelena screamed for you. She sprang into action and charged at the redhead, punching her and deflecting every blow and kick from her, eventually knocking her to the ground. The redhead was helpless and Yelena was filled with rage, her knuckles turning white as she grasped the woman’s throat. Yelena tightened her grip and squeezed, the woman's eyes widened in shock and then she was still.

Meanwhile, you were on your knees, bleeding on the street, the dagger still piercing your stomach, your breath shallow and feeble. You felt Yelena kneel by your side.

“You’re gonna be okay,” she tried to reassure you, but it was clear from her wavering voice she needed as much convincing as you.

“Your friend needs to go to the hospital,” Frank said, concerned. Even if he had no idea who you were, you had saved his life for whatever reason. 

“Yeah? And what do we tell them?” Yelena’s voice was strained. She wasn’t a particularly  emotional person, but you also knew you were as important to her as she was to you. Yelena was fiercely protective of the people she cared about, and she was not going to let you die. 

She helped you get up on your feet, carefully. You clenched your teeth, trying not to scream from the pain. Yelena supported your weight and began walking along the street.

“Where are you going?” This time was Billy who yelled, incredulously. 

But even if you were walking at a slow pace, the men did not try to stop you.

“A little help here?”

She quickly ushered you and Yelena inside, her mind racing with questions.

“What happened?” Karen asked, struggling to keep her voice steady. “We have to get her to a hospital.”

“N-No hospitals,” you said weakly, as Yelena gently placed you on Karen’s couch

“Are you going to tell me what happened, Y/N?” Karen inquired once again.

“She saved your boyfriend’s life,” Yelena dropped the words venomously. Even if she didn’t know Karen, she couldn't help but be disgusted by her. It was your friendship with the journalist that made you jump between her boyfriend and that fucking knife. So yes, she blamed her for the whole situation you were in. 

“What? Someone tried to kill Frank?” 

So much information for Karen to comprehend all at once, and then more knocks were pounded on the door. 

“Karen, open the door!” That was Frank’s distinct voice.

“Do not open it,” Yelena snarled.

Karen turned to face you, then to the door that Frank was hammering on. She didn’t know what to do.

“Karen, open the goddamn door!”

She sighed. She didn’t have a choice; if she didn’t open the door she knew her boyfriend would break it down. 

“Are you okay?” It was the first thing he asked when Karen opened the door to welcome him into her apartment. He grabbed her face and looked at her concerned. After the incident he just experienced in the street, he thought if someone had gone after him, they might have also gone after his girlfriend. And he couldn’t let her get hurt. Not because of him. 

Then he realized there was something wrong. He withdrew his sight from his girl, and it fell on you, and on Yelena who was attempting to keep you awake. Then your gaze is drawn to your boyfriend, who is standing on the threshold. And you could tell by the look on his face that he had connected the dots. And you knew there was no going back from this point forward.

“It was you,” he said, his voice was calm but you knew him well enough to know there was anger behind those words.

“What the hell, Y/N?” Frank shouted at you, “You could have gotten yourself killed.”

“I still can.”

“You ain’t dying,” Yelena retorted.

“And who exactly are you?” 

Yelena disregarded Frank's question and turned to Karen, “I need towels, alcohol, and a needle and thread.”

Karen nodded firmly and exited the living room.

“Are you going to pull that thing out?” Your boyfriend inquired, and while he was angry, he also sounded concerned. That offered you some optimism; maybe if you made it out alive, you still had a chance to work things out with him.

“You prefer me to leave it inside?” 

“You’re going to bleed out!” Billy cried out, raking his fingers through his disheveled. hair.

Karen returned with the items and placed them next to Yelena. “Are you alright?” She knew it was a stupid question to ask, but her brain wasn't functioning properly at the moment.

“Sure,” you said faintly, waving your hand, “I’ve had it worse.”

“No, you have not.”

You disregarded Yelena's rebuke, “Pull it out.”

“This is insane!”

Yelena turned to your boyfriend, “You have any other idea, pretty boy? ‘Cause we can’t go to the hospital.”

Billy looked at your friend, then at you. You wanted to tell him so many things, but mostly you wanted to apologize. You wanted to apologize to him for keeping this portion of your life hidden from him. Because you knew how important honesty was to Billy, and you have completely broken his trust in you. He sighed and knelt alongside you on the couch, holding your hand.

“It’s going to hurt,” he warned you.

“I can take it.” 

Billy was taken aback by how confident you sounded. Yelena grasped the dagger’s handle and for a few seconds that’s all she did, then she met your gaze. Silently telling her to go for it. And the last thing you remember is feeling an excruciating pain before passing out.

[midsummersmorn]

you broke me first (5008 words) by midsummersmorn Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Tommy Kinard, Tommy Kinard & Josh Russo, Tommy Kinard & Original Female Character(s) Characters: Tommy Kinard, Tommy Kinard's Mother, Evan "Buck" Buckley, Josh Russo Additional Tags: Tommy has some self negativity going on, Shame Spiral, most of this is just my headcanons, Josh and Tommy are besties, mentions of his Dad, Getting Back Together, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV Tommy Kinard, Emotional Hurt, BuckTommy, Tevan - Freeform Summary: Tommy hadn’t thought it would come to this. To say the words and then to see the look on Evan’s face. Maybe he should’ve ended it sooner so Evan wouldn’t get hurt or so he wouldn’t but it didn’t matter in the end because they both were. Tommy had thought it was the best thing to do at the time, Evan could find someone else. He could love them instead of him or maybe that was the only thing he could tell himself because the alternative was that he fucked up. It was something he couldn’t think about. Tommy thought even getting into his car that he could hold it together I’m your first not your last Tears pooled and let loose from that moment on, Tommy thought he could do this without caring but god he cared way too much “It’s for the best”, he whispered or Tommy's not handling breaking up with Buck very well

[skipper1331]

Wide Awake// Alessia Russo

it was late at night, early in the morning, the neighborhood seemed to be asleep but not you. You were wide awake, lying in bed with your lover who had her arm protectively around your torso. she could only sleep when she had you near, preferably when she could touch or hold you and usually you would always fall asleep in her embrace but not today. You didn‘t know why. The night was beautiful, quiet; peacefully yet you didn‘t find rest.

After hours of trying to fall asleep, tossing and turning, you decided to go to the ensuite balcony to look at the stars. "Amore?" a groggy voice asked "why are you up?" her arms found their way around your waist, her hands resting on your stomach, hugging you from behind. Alessia loved to touch you. She would always find a way to touch you somehow. "I can‘t sleep" you whispered, leaning your head on her shoulder looking at the sky. "Do you ever think about us?" your fingers started to play with hers. You didn't mean the question in a negative way, but in a thoughtful one. Lessi and you have been a couple for many years and sometimes your younger self was afraid that she would fall out of love with you but she never did. As a teenager you shared your concerns with her, told her about your fears which she immediately shut down. Since then Alessia showed you every day how much she loved you, that she couldn‘t spend a day without you. "I always think about you" she kissed your neck before she continued "i miss you so much when you‘re not around me and even when you’re next to me you‘re always on my mind." she pressed more kisses to your neck while you melted in her grasp.

While Alessias love language was touch yours was Words of Affirmation. Lessi knew that. "You make me the happiest girl in the world by just looking at me. I love you so much, baby" a final kiss was pressed to your neck. You turned in Alessias embrace, your arms around her neck while she held you close. "I love you too" one of the softest kisses was shared between the two of you. "but that‘s not what i meant. Do you ever think about us as a couple?"

"I do" her fingers stroked your cheek. "I often think about our first kiss" her eyes lit up like the stars just thinking about it. "I was so nervous"

"May I take you on a date? like a real one" Alessia asked you one day after school as she walked you home. Things weren‘t official (you hadn’t kissed each other, only ever held hands and hugged) but both of you knew there was never going to be somebody else. But you hadn‘t had the guts to ask her. So it was up to her. Your stomach went crazy, your lips cruved into the biggest smile and your whole body was on fire "i would love to" was your reply.

The rest of the way to your house was quiet, the only thing you could hear was nature.

After you unlocked the door you turned to the blonde. She looked beautiful, the sun rays let her glow; she looked majestic. "Friday? I‘ll pick you at six?"

"It‘s a date" you agreed/ joked.

Friday came fast. Faster than you expected. The whole week you‘ve been nervous about the date (Lessi as well).

When the doorbell rang your older brother opened. "Hey" Alessia greeted him. Your brother knew the Italian of course, she was often at your house or ate dinner with your family. "Y/n" he shouted "your girl is here" Alessia blushed a deep crimson red. "Stop it" you chipped in as you greeted her. The both of you wore casual clothes, nothing special yet you two thought long about your choice of outfit. "I got you this " the blonde gave you a single rose.

You didn‘t like flower bouquets, you thought they‘re too expensive while they didn‘t last long. And it‘s sad to throw them away, but a single rose? you can see that the other person has thought about it and it’s a nice little gesture. you could see that Alessia thought about it because she knew what you liked and disliked. "Thank you" your stared love struck at Alessia, still in awe about the flower. "Go! I want the house to myself" you brother pushed you out the door "have her home at 10" was the last thing you heard as he shut the door.

The date was amazing. Alessia was the sweetest and treated you like a princess (she always did). Being young and in love was hard but not for you. It was easy for Alessia to like you and eventually love you. It all felt natural. It was nothing to rush or overstep, it came the way it did. But for tonight Alessia had a goal in mind. She wanted to kiss you. She wanted to share her very first kiss with you and it should be as well your first kiss in your upcoming relationship. Quarter to ten Alessia brought you home. She couldn‘t have you late, not when she wanted to take you out at least once a week. Too early is on time, on time is too late, she thought. "I had a great time, thank you Lessi" her eyes lit up at your confession. Since planing the date she was afraid that you wouldn‘t like something or wouldn‘t enjoy it at all so she was relieved when you told her the opposite. Seeing her smile increased the urge to press her a kiss to her cheek. So you did. Slowly you lent forwards, one of your hands resting on her the side of her face while your lips touched her cheek so softly. You felt Alessia tense up and melt at the same time. You loved that you had such an effect on her. Maybe you should do that more often. Now was her chance. All evening she wanted to kiss you. As you pulled your lips away, her arms went around your waist. Your bodies were touching and Alessia couldn‘t keep her gaze off of your lips. She wanted to feel them, wanted to know what they taste like. (Spoiler: for her they tasted like heaven). It was like in the movies. As Alessia lent down, stopping inches before your lips touched. it was you who made the final move to close the distance. Everything seemed to fade away. Your lips fitted perfectly. It was a kiss so soft that people could only imagine. A kiss that was the start of an endless line of kisses. A kiss that was a new beginning.

"That kiss knocked me out, babygirl" she giggled. Playfully, you smacked her chest, giggling along with her "do you ever think about us?" she asked you the same question in return. "I do. I think about our future" you started, Alessia tensed "together". When the word was added she calmed down. "I think about how our wedding would look like" you admitted sheepishly.

"How would it look like?"

"That‘s for me to know and for you to find out" winking at her, you grabbed her hand and pulled into the bedroom "let‘s go to bed. I‘m tired" you laid down next to your lover, curling into her side as you feel her arms around you again. Soon enough you were sound asleep while it was Alessias turn now to be wide awake. Your comment about a wedding winded her up. How would her perfect wedding would look like? How would you combine your ideas? But in all honesty Alessia was just happy that you said that you would marry her. Even if you hadn‘t said it exactly, you still admitted it. Her fingers combed through your hair as your snores filled the room. "I promise you, one day you‘ll be my wife" you curled more into her. You hadn‘t heard her but in a magical way you felt it despite sleeping.

It was a promise, she would definitely keep.

—————————

[hedghost]

alessia russo | in safe hands

the fans are speculating on the nature of your and alessia’s relationship. when the rumours come to a head, it begins to put pressure on you both. (goalie!reader)

word count: 4.4k

hiding a relationship was never easy. hiding a relationship from a horde of relentless fans in the age of social media was nigh on impossible. and yet somehow, almost a year after you had shyly asked alessia on that first date, the two of you were still enjoying all the thrills and luxuries of a private relationship.

semi-private was perhaps a better description. of course, your friends and families were all aware of you being together. with a girl like alessia on your arm, could you really be expected not to tell a soul? as your relationship had progressed, as it had become clear that this was the real deal, you both had told people. slowly at first, only a trusted few, then soon, pretty much everyone who you knew well.

you intended to be fully public at some point, but the looming pitfalls of social media and the threat of negativity, (or worse - relentless fanaticism) were enough to put you both off for now. up until now you'd both been perfectly content to remain in your little bubble, blissfully enamoured with each other inside your own four walls.

obviously, the nature of the fans meant they were not blind to everything. the observant few caught those loving glances, the lingering touches, the soft smiles. a small but earnest faction of the internet had built up their own portfolio of evidence. you enjoyed it in a way, and the two of you weren't above fuelling the speculation about the nature of your relationship.

there was no harm in it. if you really wanted to hide your relationship fully you could, but it would've taken more effort than it was worth. alessia seemed to experience a gravitational pull towards you, like she couldn't ever stay away. and how could you be expected to not look at her like she hung the moon?

on the pitch it wasn't too hard to control yourselves, with her leading the charge up front, and you planted firmly in goal, dominating the defence with your famously safe hands. but as soon as the whistle blew and the team gathered, you always found yourselves side by side, unconsciously inseparable. more and more people were starting to notice.

lately, you'd been getting the sense alessia was sick of hiding. the rumours were piling up, and it was only a matter of time before it came to light, and not on your terms. she said as much to you, one saturday evening.

"i'm fed up of acting like you don't mean the world to me, y/n," she whispered as you lay entwined on the sofa, winding down the evening before the game tomorrow. "its so hard not being able to hug you, to hold your hand in public. i want to show you off." you sighed.

"i know less, i know," you brushed a stray piece of hair away from her face, "but i don't know if its the right time. you know how people will be,"

she turned to look up at you.

"you always say this," she scoffed, "but when will be the right time?"

"i don't know less, just wait a little longer," you shook your head, you didn't want to have this conversation now. you knew the pressure it would bring. you'd experienced first hand how ruthless fans could be, especially online, and you hated to think the sort of comments you'd be subject to if people knew you were dating the star of the lionesses. you could barely believe you deserved her - what if your own insecurities were echoed by the fans? you saw how people loved alessia; you knew they wouldn't think you were good enough for her. you'd never forgive yourself if those worries caused the relationship to crumble. "just drop it for now. please."

alessia looked disheartened, but she did as you asked. as she turned her attention back to the tv, you kept your gaze on her. you cursed yourself for letting your worries creep in. the last thing you wanted to do was upset her. you couldn't bring yourself to say all that though, so you only reached for her hand.

"i'll think about it, okay?" you said, playing with her fingers. she only hummed noncommittally. a tense silence took over, broken only by the muffled sounds of the tv.

neither of you brought it up again that night. by the next morning, last night's awkwardness had faded, replaced by the comfortable silence of co-existence that you were familiar with. as you prepared yourself side by side for the game, you began to think you were in the clear for a little longer. however, as you drove to the ground, it seemed alessia had other plans.

"y/n, love?"

"yeah?"

"i want to tell people. today,"

your hands tightened on the steering wheel. the gesture didn't go unnoticed by alessia, and she turned in her seat.

"less i-"

"i don't understand why you're so against it?" alessia was indignant now. you wanted to defend yourself, but you couldn't seem to find the words, and so she barrelled on. "you've been saying 'soon' for so long, but did you ever actually mean it? like what, you want to just keep pretending like we're nothing forever? until we get married? until we die? people are going to find out eventually, fuck, half of them already have!"

you tried to remain calm, the last thing you wanted to do was lash out if your emotions got the better of you.

"soon, i promise. i just need a little time to prepare but i swear-"

"prepare for what? i don't understand why you're being like this all of sudden. you've never had a problem with the rumours before!"

you could tell alessia was becoming annoyed, her voice rising in volume as she continued, her gestures wild and exasperated. you knew you should calm yourself down in return before you said something you would regret, but you never had been known for keeping your head. alessia's confrontation was jarring, and rather than properly explain to her how you felt, you began to raise your voice back. every worry and insecurity you'd been hiding from up burst out in the form of harsh words and stinging accusations.

"i'm fucking scared less! is that what you want me to say? i'm terrified of what people will say about us! about me! you know i want to tell people, of course i do, but all i asked for was a little time!" you pulled into the car park, slamming on the handbrake so you could turn to alessia and continue your tirade.

"it's fine for you. everyone loves you! you won't get any backlash. you have no idea what it's like. if you fuck up in a game it's only a missed chance! it's only 'oh well, the goal will come soon, better luck next time stargirl!' when i fuck up, we're a goal down, i'm a shit goalie, i cost us the game, it's all 'what was the keeper playing at, she barely moved!"

you didn't know where all this was coming from, but you couldn't seem to stop. you barely registered how alessia's face fell, how she reached out a hand but pulled it back, instead you continued to air all your frustrations. you knew you should stop, knew it wasn't fair on alessia, but it was like the floodgates had opened.

"everyone loves you less, everyone wants you! they're just going to say i'm not good enough for you, that you could do so much better. as if i don't fucking know that? as if i don't spend every second i'm with you thinking that?"

you got out and slammed the door. you saw alessia scramble to follow you, but you walked off.

"y/n wait!"

alessia called after you, but the words fell flat in her throat. she could only watch you go.

as you marched towards the changing rooms you pulled your headphones on and tried to re-aim your focus towards today's match. try as you might, though, all you could think of was your harsh outburst. it wasn't alessia's fault. you had no right to take your insecurities out on her, not when she was so good to you. you kicked yourself again. this is what you always did, before alessia. let it get in your head, let your emotions consume you, and now you'd hurt the one person you never wanted to hurt ever. the person you'd vowed to protect, to keep safe.

you thought you were better than this. you knew you were better than this.

to the rest of the squad, the build-up to the match was nothing out of the ordinary. to you and alessia, however, it was nothing of the sort. you kept your distance in the changing room, and all through warm up; alessia trying to give you time and space to cool off; you regretting your outburst.

the game started, and clearly alessia's professionalism kicked in. as always, she played with a fire lit inside her. you'd known it would be a tough game for united, but your attackers dominated possession, alessia breaking free and creating plenty of chances.

you were honestly relieved that the ball mostly remained in the oppositions half. unlike alessia, you remained somewhat distracted, and you didn't trust yourself to make the saves you might have needed to. in warm up your legs had felt weak, and your reflexes sluggish, and you knew why. you tried to pull back focus on the game. you didn't want to hand the fans any further ammunition.

eventually, the goal came around the 40 minute mark. an alessia russo masterclass. worries momentarily forgotten, you gave your usual goal-line celebration as you watched your girlfriend score at the other end of the pitch. regardless of the argument, you were always incredibly proud to call her yours.

reflecting on this, you knew what you had to do. you wanted the world to see the pride you felt for alessia. she was the love of your life. fuck what anyone might say, she was yours. you'd chosen each other, and you knew in that moment nothing anyone said could take that away from the two of you.

the game kicked off again, but you'd already made up your mind. you zeroed in on the game, anticipating for the counterattack. you itched for the half-time whistle, so you could find alessia and apologise, but your focus was solely on maintaining the clean sheet.

sure enough, the counterattack came. a gap in the defence, allowing the forward to charge through, leaving you vulnerable. an absolute screamer of a shot, curling perfectly towards the net. you jumped, hand outstretching at the perfect time, sending the ball far clear of the goal. the united fans erupted. an incredible save.

you could see your teammates let out shouts of celebration at your save, but your eyes searched only for alessia. normally she'd cheer, send you a bright smile, maybe even a tight hug if she was close enough. yet today, there was nothing. she barely even looked your way, just positioned herself to prepare for the next play.

the half time whistle blew, and you tried to approach her, but alessia was already making her way past the fans and into the tunnel. you jogged to catch her, but it only served for you to catch the tail end of a shout from a fan, directed at alessia.

"-you and y/n dating?"

you watched as alessia turned directly to them, expression stormy, before shaking her head.

"we're just friends," she said firmly. her eyes caught yours as she turned on her heel and stalked into the changing room. away from you.

you were desperate to speak to her but the way she positioned herself firmly on the opposite side of the room clearly said she wanted nothing of the sort. you nearly had an opening when alessia moved to grab another drink, but then marc began his half-time talk, and you were forced to draw your attention away from her. as soon as marc finished speaking she stood and walked back out to the pitch with katie and ona.

the second half began to a reinvigorated opposition. unlike in the first 45, where you’d barely had a touch of the ball, you were now having to make save after save, clearance after clearance.

it was a cagey 30 mins, with united managing to hold on to the 1-0 lead, but only barely. the other team were playing more and more aggressively, and it seemed your teammates were matching their frustration. as you watched the referee call foul after foul, from both sides, you were somewhat relieved to be in goal. the relief was short-lived though, as you were forced to make yet another impressive save.

each time there was a break in play, or united had the ball, your eyes sought out alessia. her words to the fan reeled in your mind, and you wondered if maybe she was telling the truth. maybe your earlier outburst had been enough to drive her off.

unlike the first half, where alessia had been the picture of composure, you could tell she was distracted. her touches were sloppy, her runs mistimed, and you could see the frustration coming off her in waves, even from the other end of the pitch. she was being marked heavily by the other team, and was being subject to repeated heavy tackles and relentless dirty pushes.

finally, alessia broke free of her defender at the perfect moment, and she was straight through on goal. you held your breath as she pressed into the box, ball glued to her feet. there was no way she could miss.

you saw the tackle coming before it happened. the opposition's frustration came to a head as the defender, in a dirty piece of play, slid directly into alessia's legs. you could only watch anxiously as she hit the ground.

the whistle blew immediately, and the crowd blew up as the referee pointed to the penalty spot. you pumped a fist in relief at the decision. a chance to double your lead. but then your fist, along with the noise of the crowd, fell, as you realised alessia was still on the floor.

you waited for her to stretch and stand as she normally did. but she didn't move. your view from the goal was limited; only the vague image of tooney bent over alessia as she remained on the floor.

you watched as the medics were brought on to attend to her. you were worried, of course you were, you loved her, but you still held faith that she'd be okay in a short while. a little bit of treatment and she'd be back on her feet. alessia always was.

most of the rest of the team gathered on the halfway line. you remained in the goal, taking a brief drink, and straining your eyes to see what was going on with alessia. it was only when you saw tooney, still planted at alessia's side, waving frantically to get your attention, that you fully realised that something was very wrong.

"y/n! come here!"

an ordinary voice might not have carried the length of the pitch, but for once you welcomed how loud ella could be. you immediately ran towards them, crouching at alessia's side before looking to ella in white-hot panic. your mind raced with thoughts of sprains or tears, fractures or breaks.

"less? oh god, ella, what happened?" the medics were blocking your view of alessia's feet, so you had no indication of how bad the injury was. that was, until you saw alessia's face.

alessia didn't cry on the pitch. alessia cried at romantic films, at cheesy songs, at christmas adverts. she cried on the sofa after a bad game, or in the girl's bathroom after a few glasses of wine. she cried out of frustration during arguments, and she cried out of relief when you made up. but alessia did not cry on the pitch.

now, she was hiding her face with her hands, eyes scrunched up in pain, but she was, undeniably, crying. you started forward to take her hand, to do anything to offer comfort, but as soon as you’d pulled your gloves off you hesitated. you were worried she might still be annoyed at you, that you might be the last person she wanted here right now.

"y/n?" alessia's voice was weak as she said your name, but as she reached out to grab your hand, her grip was nothing but firm. painfully tight, in fact. that motion jolted you into action, and you forgot about everything else. alessia was all that mattered right now.

"yeah, i'm here, less, i've got you," your free hand - the one not wound tight between alessia's fingers - reached out to stroke her hair as you spoke. you shuffled closer, positioning yourself so alessia's head was in your lap so you could bend over and whisper in her ear. "it's okay love, its okay,"

"fuck, i'm sorry, y/n - i'm so, so sorry!" alessia still had one hand covering her eyes as you held her, and you had to lean in close to hear her. her words confused you, and you tried to comfort her more, chalking her words up to the pain she was in.

"shh, less it's okay, its not your fault, it was a bad tackle, you didn't do anything wrong darling,"

at this, alessia took her hand away from her face to look at you directly. despite the clear pain you knew she was in, all you could see in her eyes was striking remorse.

"no, i mean, for earlier," she gasped then, as one of the medics touched what must've been the injury, but she carried on earnestly, "i shouldn't have pushed you, i had no idea you felt like that and i-" she was cut off again by her own whimper, screwing her eyes shut in pain and biting down on her lip. you wiped a few of her tears, and squeezed her hand tightly. none of that mattered now.

"hey, hey, less, its fine, it doesn't matter," she shook her head frantically as you continued, "don't think about that now, it's fi-"

"it isn't fine! i should've let it go, i just- please y/n, i'm so sorry!"

you were taken aback. you'd spent the entire game regretting your own words, and the last thing you wanted to do was accept alessia’s unnecessary apology, especially not without giving one of your own first, but you could see she wasn't going to let it go. you sighed, caressing her cheek again and bending to press a kiss to her forehead. fuck it if the entire stadium saw.

"it's okay less. you don’t owe me an apology. i'm sorry, i really am. i shouldn't have just taken it all out on you like that, it wasn't fair. i don't care if the whole world knows. you're all that matters to me, okay?"

she nodded, breathing a sigh of relief. you could see them readying to bring the stretcher on in your peripheral vision. you still weren't sure of the extent of the injury, but alessia seemed calmer now that you'd talked. she moved to sit up, nodding her head as she medics asked if she could walk. she turned to look up at you.

"help me off?"

you nodded, standing swiftly and reaching down to help alessia up.

"is it your ankle?" you asked as you slung her arm around your shoulder, a medic on the other side doing the same. she nodded again, testing to see if she could put any weight on it, and swearing when she found she couldn't.

"broken?"

"i don't know, hope not. i can't walk though," she muttered, jaw clenched.

"don't worry. i've got you," you said as you helped her off the pitch. another medic took over once you got to the bench, but alessia stopped to look at you, sensing your hesitance to go back to the game.

"stop worrying, i can survive ten minutes without you, y/n. keep that clean sheet, yeah?" she smiled, although the wince that followed it made you less convinced. you swallowed, but nodded.

"sure thing, stargirl," you smirked. she rolled her eyes before they headed down the tunnel to get her checked out properly. you allowed yourself one more worried glance after her, before taking a breath to compose yourself. you walked back to the goal.

katie took the penalty. you knew it was going in as soon as she kicked it, and you pumped your fists. you just had to hold on for 10 more minutes. plus injury time. there’d be a fair bit of that.

it felt like hours, but eventually the whistle blew. you rushed through shaking hands with the other players; seeing alessia the only thing on your mind. the minute the team huddle broke up with a cheer, you were racing down the tunnel.

you found alessia in the treatment room, the doctor just finishing up.

"hey, you," you murmured, making your way over, "any news?"

"nothing major," alessia smiled, and you breathed a sigh of relief, "shouldn't be out for more than a game or two," you ran your hand over her hair, and she leant into the touch. an injury wasn't ideal, but it was a better outcome than you'd been expecting.

"ready to go home?" you asked, pressing another kiss to alessia's forehead. you felt her nod.

"good thing we took your car, huh?"

"we always take my car," you pointed out.

"as if i would let you drive mine” alessia teased. you didn't mind. at least it meant the pain can’t have been too bad, if she was still making her usual jokes about your driving.

“you don’t even drive yours, passenger princess” you replied with faux-indignance, to which she laughed again.

you wanted to bring up earlier, to give her a proper apology, and a proper promise to go public with the relationship. right now though, it could wait.

you teased her a little more as she struggled on the crutches the medics had given her, but the look she gave you meant you lasted all of five seconds before you dropped both your bags and practically carried her out. you'd come back for them.

you might not have given your full apology in words yet, but alessia felt you spent every second of that evening showing her through actions. she gazed at you lovingly as you helped her to shower with the boot, as you brushed her hair, cooked her dinner, all of it. by the evening, you found yourselves laying together on the sofa, in a very similar position to the night before, although with a very different sentiment.

alessia lay on your chest, drifting off as the pain meds kicked in, and your wandering hands ran through her hair, stroked under her shirt, circled her back - anything to help soothe her to sleep.

"less?" you began. she murmured an affirmative. "i was serious earlier. i love you. i don't mind if people know that. if you want to tell them, i do too" you felt her smile against your chest, eyes still shut.

"whenever you're ready, y/n, i can wait," you pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"alright, love"

you heard her breathing soften, the last of her muscles finally relaxing against you. you breathed her in for a little while, relishing in the weight of her body pressed perfectly into yours.

after a little while, you checked your phone. you weren't surprised to see that your little corner of twitter had blown up over you and alessia at the game today. you were relieved to see that the majority of replies and comments were well wishes for alessia. you liked a fair few tweets, and retweeted a couple about the win, including one featuring a clip of your save, captioned only 'SAFE 🙌😤'. you smirked at the videos of you running towards alessia and winced at the replays of the foul.

someone had blurrily zoomed in on you kissing alessia's forehead, despite not being able to see anything at all in the picture, and you smirked at the ensuing speculation. you knew you shouldn't look any deeper, should avoid the mentions and the replies, knew it would only end badly.

you had never been one for controlling your impulses however.

instead of insults though, the replies seemed to be full of overwhelming support. knowing twitter, you'd expected the worst. you were pleased at the amount of tweets trying to shut down the rumours, saying the two of you deserved to be left alone, regardless of if there was anything going on.

to your surprise, even the diehard alessia fans seemed pleased to think they might finally have confirmation of your relationship. there were no insults on your goalkeeping skills, or questions of how you managed to pull alessia. there were some jokes about whether you could fight, but even those were good-natured, and few in number. most of the replies were people desperate to know if alessia was okay.

you looked down at where alessia lay nestled under your arm. you could give the fans a little something, you thought. opening instagram, you took a quick picture of alessia up against you, her face hidden by her hair. typing a quick caption, you posted it to your story, before you chucked your phone aside. you shut your eyes, and let alessia's steady heartbeat drag you under.

yourinstagram

alessia awoke you a couple hours later, brushing your hair away from your eyes.

"we should go to bed" she whispered, "the actual bed, not the sofa,"

you groaned and nodded, before sweeping her up bridal style. alessia whacked your chest playfully as you stumbled your way up the stairs. under the covers, you pulled her close to you, and settled back to sleep in each other’s arms.

the next morning, you woke up to the sounds of alessia fumbling about downstairs. from the sound of it, she was clearly still adjusting to the crutches. you reached for your phone, and laughed when you saw that alessia had shared your story, with the addition of a caption of her own.

alessiarusso99

thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed! as always, feel free to give requests or ideas for fics/blurbs.

hedge xx

[uniiiquehecrt]

IT GETS WORSE.

Did you have to tell the Russo Brothers, who will be inheriting your Thor? Oh, I know. I’ve talked to them. We’d show them footage of him because they’d heard we’ve got a really different Thor. I love those guys, but I’m not gonna stress myself out trying to save Thor for the Avengers movies. My plan was just to strip him down and mess him up as much as possible, and then just sort of deliver him to their doorstep: “Here’s this messy version of the character that you thought you were gonna have.”

We’re talking a lot about this tone and the comedy, how does it then reconnect to what the plot of the movie is about? I have no idea. Honestly, I gave it a little bit of thought, but sometimes, often I was like, You know what? I’m gonna let Marvel deal with that. That’s their department. I know how to tell a story, but I’m having so much fun subverting all of this, and like telling weird jokes and making this the weirdest Marvel movie ever. If you’ve seen my movies, you don’t hire me for any reason other than what I’ve done. So Marvel’s job really is to look after their characters, look after their source material, and make sure I don’t completely break it, or it doesn’t negatively affect the rest of the movies or how they all interweave. I don’t understand that, and I’ve never watched all those movies with the eye of like, Oh, how does this link up? Oh, what year was this when, like, Fury encountered this thing? 

(SRC.) / GOOD ONE: TAIKA WAITITI'S THOR: RAGNAROK

[countriesgame]

I have to say. I don't mean to be rude, but I feel like some of these polls need some research from your part. Obviously, the fun of the game is having people submit what they associate with any given country, but a lot of the stuff people have been submitting is... a tad off.

I don't expect the average Tumblr user to know the intricacies of, say, Bulgaria or Kyrgyzstan, but I feel that's where a bit of better research from your part would go a long way. Like I know it's frustrating that there's not a lot of prompt submissions, but that's where you'd fill in, instead of doing stuff like associating entire countries with stuff like Harry Potter.

I also don't really understand what counts and doesn't count as a morbid topic, either? Some countries' polls were cool in that you deliberately avoided having terrorism and war be one of the possible prompts (I was the anon that thanked you for not including a cartel option for Mexico, once again many thanks for that), but then other countries are seemingly unable to shake that off, like Kuwait for example. It's also bizarre that you exclude Israel on account of current affairs but had no problem adding in Russia, despite the fact the Russo-Ukranian War is still ongoing and it has been confirmed they've enacted genocides in certain Ukranian cities.

It's also a little weird that the US poll was so negative when the other two comparable powers, Russia and China, got more positive choices. I get that English-speaking Tumblr is mostly American, but I'm going to be entirely real with you guys, as someone who isn't, the mindset of portraying yourselves as the world's devil is a facet of American exceptionalism. It doesn't magically stop applying to your ideology just because you think of yourselves as Satan as opposed to God. You should either commit to portraying imperialist countries negatively or treat yourselves like any other.

Sorry for the long post and for the scolding at the end, I just want to see this fun blog bloom into the best possible version of what it can be.

Believe it or not, I do actually do research, but you do understand that "doing research" for a blog, that is pretty much not important, is just... googling stuff. Yes, I could have added other stuff that wasn't HP related in the Bulgaria one, I chose it because I didn't see it as offensive per se, not like horrible associations people had for other countries, and it was the most mentioned thing by far.

Doing these polls take a lot of time. If I were to do more research, I would have to slow down the polls... a lot. And I think it's naive to think I could possibly do a good research for every single country. A lot of history is very intricate and deep and it would take me a lot of time to study... and then what? To determine myself what is important and what is not? As a foreign reading stuff in a language that is not even their own - because i can only read in three languages. I started doing this because I accepted that it was going to be imperfect. I do not have the time or the energy to do justice for every country, which was why from the very beginning I made it clear that it would be based on people's association and I would only censor what I thought was very bad. And guess what, I'm actually doing more than that. Many countries didn't have enough submissions to say 11 different things and I had to google, and choose - from what I personally think it looks more important from random websites like the country's wikipedia page or tourism information to what to visit in this country.

I do think the Israel situation is different then China and Russia, which is why I included it. It's not a "israel is evil, other countries are good" thing. I do not believe in "evil" powers. There are good people and good things everywhere, there are many horrible governments. I already explained part of my thought of not including it and I'm not going to go around discussing this again, because it was a decision I made, with what i was comfortable with. As I said, it was more of a solidarity gesture with Palestine than anything.

Lastly, please stop assuming I'm usamerican, I'm not and I've said it on this blog many times, so I don't enjoy your use of "you" to refer to me as I was was usamerican. I was not born in that country and have never lived there. When I started doing this, my point was that it would be nice to learn about other countries and share about their cultures. The US does not need this.

Other countries may be imperialists, yes, but in western culture the US dominates media in a way no other country does. I do not know if people in Asia, for exemple, feel the same way. I'm speaking for myself and, considering everyone who shares polls here is on tumblr, I'm going to assume everyone is used to a very US-centric view. This means we do NOT need to know about their culture, their cities, their monuments. God, we know about it already. So my choice to include negative options in the US was not "imperialism is bad", is the US doesn't need this.

I don't think, in a western view - that dominates tumblr - projecting Russia or China as "evil imperialists" is actually uh groudbreaking. That is literally what we hear the most. I did include things like imperialism in Russia, did not really include it in China because it was NOT as mentioned in the associations.

I'm sorry for this long ass answer, but doing this is very tiring. I am doing research and I am thinking of every single option and whether it is offensive or is it just a history fact, and is that a fun fact or is that even true, and hey that country doesn't have stuff let's see each of the single submitions stuff and see which one seems more famous or more adequate, and finding people who are from that country and talking to them and seeing if it is ok. And I do that because I care and I think learning about other cultures is very important and if at least one person is learning something about a different country is at least worth it. And maybe a lot of times that person is just going to be me doing the polls but that's okay too. And still every country I do there is someone in the tags angry at me because i either didn't include an specific thing or included something they didn't like it, even when it's knowingly what their country is most known for. If I try to care and worry about all of that, i am going to explode.

The very first week I started doing that, I was almost giving up because I felt it wasn't worth it. And my therapist said I should try to see it as an exercise to see people criticizing and being angry at me so I would get dessensitized in time (hey, can you guess that's a issue for me from this or what) and that would be good for me in other areas of my life. Clearly, I'm still not great at just listening and not being affected by that.

TL;DR: I am trying. I'm trying very fucking hard. But I am a human with a real life out of this, I don't have enough time. And I'm always trying to make decisions fast here so I won't just stop doing it. It's not always the best, but it's what I can do.

[alotofpockets]

From dreams to diapers | Alessia Russo

Pairing: Alessia Russo x Arsenal!Reader & Lotte Wubben-Moy x Best Friend!Reader

Prompts: "Twins? We're having twins?" & "You're great with kids."

Warnings: Pregnant Alessia, morning sickness, and a whole lot of fluff :)

Masterlist | Woso masterlist | Words: 2.3k

You had met Alessia when the both of you made the squad at UNC. You found comfort in being surrounded by a piece of home in both her and your other teammate Lotte, the three of you being the only girls in the squad that were from the UK. The connection with both girls was great, over time Alessia had become your girlfriend, and Lotte your best friend. 

The three of you made it to the England U15 squad together, and continued to grow up together moving up all the way to the seniors team. While you all played together for country, you had signed with different clubs in the UK. Lotte was the first that signed with Arsenal, you followed a few years later, and Alessia had signed for the club last year. Playing for the same club, and all living in the same city was such a great feeling.

Ever since you started dating Alessia, the two of you had talked about wanting children together in the future. Alessia made the move to Arsenal, when the talk of starting a family started to get more real. Sure, it had always been real but now you both felt like you were ready to actually start a family. The talking started to be less about the general idea, and more about the practical side.

After many consults, and conversations between the two of you, you had decided that Alessia would carry. The striker was more than happy to put her career on hold to get your little family started. You had started the process of getting pregnant a few months ago now, a box of pregnancy tests always present in the house. So far you had only gotten negative results, you both knew it wasn't likely for her to get pregnant right away, so you patiently waited for the day that a test would show a positive result.

A couple weeks later, you wake up to Alessia running to the bathroom. You quickly follow her, and hold her hair up as she’s leaned over the toilet, your hands rub soothing circles over her back. Your wife leans her back against the wall, relishing in the coldness of the tiles against her back. Before you get up to get her a glass of water, you place a soft kiss on her forehead. “Should we check?” A question you had asked her many times over the past few months. 

While you wait for the pregnancy test to be ready, you cuddle up in bed together, holding your wife close. Your alarm lets you know that the test is ready to be checked. Alessia grabs the test from her bedside table, the result face down. “Ready, baby?” You smile at her, before you lean in and kiss her, “Now I’m ready.” Alessia slowly turns the test around, it feels like time stops for a moment when you read the word positive. You slowly lift your head up to look at your wife, who looks at you with matching teary eyes. The both of you are too overwhelmed with emotions to speak, so you just fall into each other's arms. “We’re going to be parents.” You say still in disbelief, when you finally find your voice again. “We’re going to be parents.” Alessia says back, the smile on her face growing.

The two of you stay in the bed a lot longer than you usually did on days you had training, neither one of you wanting to end the moment. But as training got closer, you knew you had to. “Do you feel okay going to training? If not I can call Jonas.” Alessia pecks your lips, “I’m okay to go, thank you though.” She could already tell that you were going to be very protective of her during this pregnancy. 

You kept exchanging love sick glances with Alessia, while the both of you were basking in the moment of the two of you being the only ones in the world that knew that Alessia was pregnant. However, the love sick glances didn’t go unnoticed to your best friend. “What’s up with the two of you?” She asks as the two of you walk up the water bottles. “Nothing.” Your reaction was way too quick for Lotte to believe a word that was coming out of your mouth. “Oh, something is going on.” Her mind starts going over the list of things that her two best friends could be up to, until her eyes widened with a possible explanation for your quick response. “Omg, are you preg-” Your hand was on her mouth before she could finish her sentence, sending her a warning look before you slowly removed your hand again. You weren’t able to hold back the smile that was forming on your face, enough proof for Lotte to know that she was right. She pulls you into a hug, “I am so happy for you both.” She whispers in your direction before joining the rest of the girls again. 

Lotte went with the both of you to all of the doctors appointments, she declared herself the videographer of your journey, and you accepted her role glady. That’s how the three of you found yourself in the doctor's office one morning, ready for an ultrasound. You sat by Alessia, holding her hand, while Lotte stood to the side with her phone ready to film. The doctor applied the gel to Alessia’s belly, and started moving the machine around. Both of you look at the screen in awe, trying to figure out what you were looking at, but knowing that it was a little miracle whether you were able to figure it out yourselves or not. 

“So, here we have the baby.” She points to the screen. Tears start filling your eyes, it was still early in the pregnancy, so you hadn’t seen the baby on the screen just yet. You give Alessia’s hand a squeeze and kiss her forehead. “And then here we have another baby.” Your jaw drops, "Twins? We're having twins?" The doctor smiles at the two of you, “Yes, you’re having twins.” Alessia’s emotions get the best of her as well, as her tears start flowing as well. “I’ll give you all a moment.” The doctor says as she hands you the sonogram. You both stare at the pictures in disbelief. “We’re going to have two babies.” Alessia says in a whisper. You nod with a big smile on your face. The two of you share a long hug, meanwhile Lotte is filming the interaction with tears in her eyes. She was overjoyed for her two best friends, having been along on this journey between the both of you since day one.

The next day at practice you had told the team, and showed them the sonograms. Everyone was overjoyed for the both of you, hugs and congratulations were shared in big numbers, and you couldn’t be happier. After you had told both your families, there was only one more thing to do, and that was to tell the world.

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alessiarusso99 and y/nrusso posted

Liked by lottewubbenmoy and 94,558 others

alessiarusso99: We've got some exciting news to share. I can't believe our dream of starting a family is finally coming true❤️

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y/nrusso: So ready for this new adventure with you❤️

lottewubbenmoy: I'm gonna be an autie!

↳ alessiarusso99: The best auntie :)

↳ leahwilliamsonn: Already playing favoritism...

↳ lottewubbenmoy: Best friend privileges😋

user1: WAIT TWO BABY OUTFITS, ARE THEY HAVING TWINS??

Liked by y/nrusso

↳ user2: OMG y/n liked

leahwilliamsonn: Congrats to the both of you 😘

arsenalwfc: more baby Gooners!

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The response to your announcement was incredible, the overwhelming amount of love and that was thrown your way enough to make you tear up. 

After talking with your OB-GYN and with your own trainers, you had set up a schedule for Alessia. She could continue her training for a while longer, but since soccer was a contact sport, the OB-GYN recommended to stop playing matches two weeks from now, and that in the meantime, Alessia could still play, but not a full match.

That’s how you found yourself the next week, the last match Alessia would play before the twins would arrive. After consulting with the trainers, you had decided that Alessia would start and play only the first half. You were happy to walk the field with Alessia by your side, knowing that was going to be something you were going to be missing dearly over the next few months. You walk up to the side line of the field and wait for Alessia and Lotte to join you. You stand in the middle of them and link your arms with them, jumping over the line together. A pre-game ritual the three of you had started back in college, followed by national team matches, and since you all played together for Arsenal, the ritual was brought there too.

The match was going well, you were glad it wasn’t a very physical match so far, for the sake of Alessia and the babies. You manage to intercept a ball and run towards your opponents goal with it, lifting your eyes to see who was with you, when you saw that Alessia was running forward as well. With a calculated kick, the ball goes flying to her feet. You watch as she kicks the ball to the back of the net, running her way to celebrate the goal with her. After a quick hug, you fall to your knees, and place a kiss on her belly. The first goal you ever dedicated to the babies. Alessia pulls you back in for a hug, before you are met with your teammates from all angles. 

Just five more minutes left in the first half when your team earned a corner. Katie takes it and the ball comes flying your way at the back post. You jump up and head the ball into the goal, just slightly out of reach of the goalkeeper. Your eyes met Alessia’s and you knew what you needed to do. You slide down and place another kiss on her tummy, now both babies had a goal dedicated to them. The rest of the match went great and you ended up winning 4-1. All in all, a great match for Alessia to end on. 

While you continued training and playing matches, you were also taking care of your wife, and getting the house ready for the twins. The girls came over often, helping you out. You were forever grateful for them, helping you paint the nursery, and helping the two of you to gather all the stuff that you would need. 

Amidst all the shopping you kept stumbling on pictures of dad’s on baby products, parenting books for fathers, at first they were just things you noticed, but eventually it started to get to you. You didn’t want to bother Alessia with your emotions, as she was literally growing two humans inside of her but being the amazing wife that she is, she noticed your change in behaviour instantly. “Baby, what’s going on?” She asked softly. “It’s nothing, love.” Alessia knew all your tells, so she knew you weren’t being truthful. “Hey, none of that. If something is going on, you can always tell me, baby.” You cave in after she brought out the puppy dog eyes. “I’ve just been in my head about not being related to the twins. What if my maternal instinct won’t kick in? What if I won’t have a connection with them the same way that you will?”

Alessia takes your hands in hers, “Sweetheart, you already have a connection with them. You talk to them, sing to them, and read to them every single day. These kiddos know your voice by heart already. You’re going to show up for our babies, and you’re going to love them, you’re going to care for them, and that is all they will need. You are great with kids, baby, you might not realise it but I think that your maternal instinct kicked in the moment we saw the positive result on the test. You are going to be the most amazing mother to these two little nuggets.” Alessia always knew the right words to say. “Thank you, my love.” You place a kiss onto her cheek. “I needed to hear that.”

The day your baby girls were born was one with many emotions, all of the best kinds. When you held them for the first time, everything you had been worried about faded away. Their little hands holding onto your fingers, and you had never felt more ready to take on motherhood. Alessia was tired but so in love with the two little bundles of joy. Ever since you had found out that you were going to have two girls, you had known what you wanted to name them, and Alessia had loved your idea.

Lotte, Beth, and Viv were the first of your teammates to come visit your family in the hospital. You hadn’t told anyone the names yet, saved for this special moment. After the four of them have admired your girls, you take one of them from their little crib. “This is Mia, named after Alessia’s middle name, since I’ve always loved it so much.” You hand Mia to Beth, Viv is quick to snap a picture. Then you picked up your other little girl, and walked over to Lotte, handing her the baby. “And this little girl was named after our best friend.” Lotte’s eyes quickly shoot up to you. “Meet Mae.” Lotte could not believe that the two of you had named your child after her, as tears started rolling down her cheeks. “I’m so honoured, thank you so much.”

In small groups the rest of the team, and your families came to meet the little girls. You were so grateful for having such a big group of people you called family, knowing that the girls had so many bonus aunties warmed your heart.

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y/nrusso and alessiarusso99 posted

Liked by viviannemiedema and 87,458 others

y/nrusso: Mia and Mae Russo. Welcome to the world, my sweet girls, I love you both so much. P.S. My incredible wife is doing well❤️

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lottewubbenmoy: Like I haven't cried enough yet.. Forever grateful to have one of your little girls named after me. Love them both so much already!

viviannemiedema: The best mama's! 😍

bethmead_: The cutest!

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You quickly got used to life as a family of four, and you were loving every single moment of it. The gallery of your phone was filled with pictures and videos of the twins, wanting to capture every moment, so you could hold onto the memories forever.  

The twins were very loved, not only by Alessia and yourself, but also by your friends and family. Your home was often filled with visitors, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

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y/nrusso posted

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y/nrusso: Life lately 🥰

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