#russian pinocchio movie

[sim0nww]

Pierrot stim board

from the movie 'The adventures of Buratino' [1975]

[ilovescaredysquirrel2]

Someone PLEASE make an English Dub of Buratino's Return (obscure Russian movie)

Okay, so I heard about this Russian cartoon animated movie recently, and it's got this Wild Thorberries-Rugrats-ish art style and the songs slap! The one that's gotten really popular was the one with the singing Barbie dolls, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2CSmp02Emk in this video here (turn the captions on). I heard the name of the movie is actually Возвращение Буратино which translates to Buratino's Return apparently. It looks amazing! I love talking toy themed movies that are NOT Toy Story. It doesn't look as amazing as Raggedy Ann & Andy Musical Adventure but it looks good enough to watch and enjoy. The thing is, the subtitles on the original Russian movie, the English subtitles SUCK! I got them saying weird things like "Oh yeah Obama" when she was apologizing to the other doll, and apparently the dog's name translates to "Potatoes" which... is actually kinda cute not gonna lie! If the movie gets dubbed, they should keep it!

Yeah, so the whole "dubs vs subs" thing is ridiculous. Dubs are obviously way easier to watch and understand. If you're hearing impaired and need subtitles, that's one thing but if you're not and you want to watch a movie, it's way easier to watch a dub. Plus, subtitles aren't always accurate and sometimes make things sound more awkward. Like, the dubbed versions often make more sense. Plus, subtitles go fast and you can't always pay attention to little details if you're watching it with subtitles, it's too distracting. I wholeheartedly believe that dubs are better all the way! If you don't speak English or Russian, maybe it can be dubbed in your language too! There needs to be a Spanish dub, French dub, Japanese dub, whatever language you might speak! The only language I speak is English, so that's why I'm trying to get someone to make an English dub. By the way, the English captions for the Мой Портрет - Трафарет video were an exact translation, I feel like the dub would change it up.

My friend wondered about the songs being ruined in the dub, which I would be worried about too, but they could hire a translator and songwriter to work together and make the lyrics make sense but also rhyme. Even if it was a fan dub, they could still get enough permission and help to make it a good dub without ruining the songs.

Another thing, let's talk about this not being popular in Russia, where it was made. I mean, it came out in 2013, the same year as Disney's Frozen! It didn't stand a freaking chance in theaters! Frozen literally took the world by storm... a snowstorm, that is! (haha, funny joke). Plus, a lot of non-English spoken movies don't get an English dub until years later. 2013 was 11 years ago, but who said it's too late for an English dub. Especially, now that the Barbie doll stencil song is becoming popular online. I also haven't actually seen the full movie, I just skimmed through it on YouTube to get a grip of what it's about and apparently it's about talking toys but they have to escape from a bad guy who wants to destroy them and turn them into the same "evil" toys to create a bad future of children. I also found out that apparently Buratino is Pinocchio and I like the idea of a non-Disney Pinocchio movie, because Pinocchio has been around for like 150 years, way before Disney made it into a creepy a** animated movie and they shouldn't take copyright of Pinocchio. There's also that other Russian movie "Pinocchio a True Story" where Pauly Shore voices Pinocchio and Tom Kenny voiced Geppetto. Also, this movie Buratino's Return was animated in 2D form, when a lot of early 2010s movies were 3D. I'm not sure how that effected the marketing and who wanted to see it but I'm almost sure that a lot of people were more hyped about Frozen or other popular movies.

Here's something else I found, apparently it was also based off "The Adventures of Buratino" which is a really old story, and I think this 2013 movie kind of looks like a creative twist on that story, kind of like what Disney does, but also kind of makes fun of Disney as well. Basically it looks like they're basing a story off old fairytales Pinocchio and The Adventures of Buratino, just as Disney does, except they're changing the things about Disney that isn't woke and making fun of the things that are wrong with Disney. I know a lot of you probably hate it when I talk crap about Disney, but I always give my side of how I feel and let you have your side. With enough convincing and understanding, hopefully we can understand both sides!

Anyway, feel free to chat with me about this in the comments! I'm always happy to hear opinions, even if they're different from mine. SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS!

[haveyouseenthismovie-poll]

End of month update - August (+ September 1st)

Hello, all! This is the end-of-month update, where I post Tumblr’s current top four films that have received the highest percentage of “yes,” “no,” and “haven’t even heard of this movie” votes. Sorry this one's a day late!

As of today, the top four films with the highest percentage of “yes” votes are:

Finding Nemo (2003) | Shrek (2001) | Monsters, Inc. (2001) | The Lion King (1994)

Next, the top four films with the highest percentage of “no” votes are:

Fifty Shades of Grey (2015) | Sausage Party (2016) | Pinocchio (2019) | The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)

This top four changed through the new addition of The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009), which replaced Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014).

Finally, the top four films with the highest percentage of “haven’t even heard of this movie” votes are:

Faat Kiné (2001) | Now Add Honey (2015) | Like a Cat on a Highway (2017) | The Noah (1975)

This top four changed through the new addition of The Noah (1975), which replaced Dean Spanley (2008).

That’s it for August’s end-of-month update! Remember that you can view last month’s update by clicking here. Additionally, you can view the full ranked Letterboxd lists of movies that have come up on this blog by clicking the following links:

This list is ranked from highest-to-lowest percentage of “yes” votes.

This list is ranked from highest-to-lowest percentage of “no” votes.

This list is ranked from highest-to-lowest percentage of “haven’t even heard of this movie” votes.

Remember to vote on the polls that are currently running: Prisoners (2013) | The Edukators (2004) | King Kong (2005) | The Raven (1963) | Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998) | Chungking Express (1994) | A Monkey's Tale (1999) | Inside Llewyn Davis (2013) | Wait Until Dark (1967) | Sound of Noise (2010) | Shoplifters (2018) | Aniara (2018) | Russian Ark (2002) | Samsara (2011) | The Emperor's Wife (2003) | Children of Men (2006) | Sleep Has Her House (2017) | We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story (1993) | The Others (2001) | Chocolate Babies (1996) | Tampopo (1985) | Herbie Fully Loaded (2005) | Beavis and Butt-Head Do America (1996) | Léon Morin, Priest (1961) | The Age of Adaline (2015) | Funeral Parade of Roses (1969) | Zambezia (2012) | Gett: The Trial of Viviane Amsalem (2014) | Mulan (1998) | Lilo & Stitch (2002) | Z (1969) | The Killer (1989) | Martyrs (2008) | Ashes and Diamonds (1958) | Dark Star (1978)

Also, I plan to open the ask box again this week, sometime before the 5th (Thursday)! There will be a post announcing when it’s open, so keep an eye out for that if you’d like to request some movies!

[nickiemoot]

hello. i have made a discovery i would like to share with you all. it's a russian animated film. someone in a discord server linked this video, which is one song from the film where a bunch of barbie-like dolls harass a different doll.

the song is catchy, the animation is good. im fascinated. what is this?

turns out it's from a film called "the return of buratino", which is referencing a story that's apparently the russian version of pinocchio? i'm not clear on the details because i have never heard of this russian pinocchio story before. and i don't speak russian.

anyway you can watch the entire movie on youtube. there are no subtitles. i watched the whole thing, and even though i couldn't understand the dialogue and am apparently missing context, the animation is easy enough to follow along to get the basic idea of what's happening. mostly. im really not sure why the bad guy was doing what he was doing? but my adhd ass sat through the whole thing so it's a captivating film at the very least.

there's no point to this post besides "look at this thing i discovered at 4am". it's neat.

[ponlolhaha]

if I'm not mistaken, then this has not yet happened in the vastness of Tumblr. therefore, meet: Amazing Digital Circus-Russian AU! (or it's sth like… USSR…uh..) the characters here have changed only externally. their characters have minimal differences from the canon. I will try to tell you about each of them in as much detail as I can.

Caine - Kirill Zubenko (I'm waiting for jokes from the Russian part of people about Mikhail Petrovich the mafia). there is nothing unusual here, he is just in the image of a random artist. Pomni - Polina. her appearance is something between Piero and Harlequino from the movie "Adventures of Buratino" (Buratino is sth like Pinocchio, but a little different). Jax - Zhenya. or Evgeny Zaikin. as it will be convenient for you ;) it is based on the hare from the cartoon "Well, Just You Wait!" (or "Nu Pogodi!" if put it bluntly). I know, perhaps the image of such a cute character will not fit his temper, but I had no other options. Raghata - Rada. there is already an obvious similarity with Malvina from the aforementioned "Adventures of Buratino" (only already from the cartoon version). Kinger - Kostya, or Konstantin Korolev. it refers to the King (Knyaz...) from the cartoon series "Three Bogatyr", as well as, in part, to the stereotypical images of the king from old fairy tales. Gangle - Galya. here I just added more details to it. I couldn't come up with some kind of mega-elaborate image for her, referring to some character. just a few cute details. fact: because of the name Zhenya often teases Galya. Zooble - Zoya. she consists of wooden cubes and a Soviet metal constructor (I attached a photo next to it, I just hope that it will be clearer what I mean).

and bonus: memes. (translate: 1 picture - "I live with a fool!" 2 picture - "photo with best friend")

[bellalampwickrossi]

Disney Descendants : Tiger Lily x Lampwick story ideas Part 1

There's a tiny diner near Auradon Prep. Their food is just okay but their milkshakes are great. Most of the kids at Auradon Prep ignore it because it's cheap and not glamourous so Tiger Lily and Lampwick always go there to enjoy a quiet night out. They split a milkshake and enjoy their night together. Maybe they go see a movie or for a walk after. They went on a huge treasure hunt once looking for Captain Hook's old gold. They never found it but they had a great time exploring skull rock and going through the jungle. They found lots of old pirate stuff, just no gold. But a really great story! They love having their family over. Geppetto and Carina spoil the kids, and Tiger Lily and Lampwick visit with them. Pinocchio brings lots of stuff he baked. Alice and Lampwick will try to set up an awesome surprise and break something. XD Eventually they'll call Alexander and Eilonwy to join the fun. Even Bella drops in sometimes with a cool adventure story for the kids. They went on a trip to Russia once. They went on cool tours, saw a few museums, and they definitely hit the ballet! With their love for performing and dancing, it was so pretty to watch! They didn't understand the words but who cares when the dancers move that way? They also got to try some Russian cooking and Lampwick is very excited by that. Tiger Lily got a silver dress once. She showed up in it and Lampwick's jaw DROPPED. He was speechless. She joked she should wear it more often but she was flattered how excited he was.

When they were first starting out they didn't have a ton of money. Tiger Lily worked part time after school and Lampwick worked until she got her teaching job, but things were tough. They didn't want to abuse Tiger Lily's parents' generosity so they tried to be frugal, buying things they needed like food, baby stuff, cleaning stuff, and school stuff. They only got occasional luxuries and they were on sale. It was worth it to have their little loving family and they'd do it again.

Lampwick's bought her lots of rings over the years. Some were just for fashion. There was a promise ring in high school, of course her engagement and wedding rings. He just loves seeing her wearing things that remind them they're in it forever. They love each other! Some are plain, some have gems or other decorations. They come in all sorts of styles and they all mean I love you

Lampwick is always trying to get her attention while she studies. She gives him some but she really wants to do well so the best way is for him to try to study too. He gets bored easily though so she does stuff like find ways to make studying fun. That's a big reason why she became a teacher. She also likes how he'd complain about studying and his whining made her laugh.

They have a lot of fun having lazy days in Neverland. Lounging around picking fruit off trees, joking with the Lost Boys, and cozy nights by the fire looking at stars. They can feel young and carefree or they can look through at the beautiful sights and climb trees. It's perfect and they can still get back to pranks and going adventuring the next day. The first time Lampwick tried to teach her to cook, it was because he thought it'd be fun to do together. He tried to get her to come to a cooking class with him. It was a disaster. She broke three rolling pins, set a pan on fire, and cut herself on a knife. He learned first hand she could burn water. She kept trying because she doesn't like to admit defeat but finally she admitted she wasn't interested in cooking. He was very understanding and while he tried a couple more times to teach her for practical reasons, he found he didn't mind the idea of doing the cooking at ALL. The New Years they got together, Lampwick was worried she wouldn't want to hang out with him anymore because he'd be boring now that he was sober. He got really insecure when another guy talked to her. She told him the guy was just a teammate and that she only liked him. She also told him it made her happy that he was healthier and she loved seeing him get better and he felt better.

Once when Lampwick was scrambling to find an anniversary present for Tiger Lily (it's what happens when you're so PICKY), he found a silver ring. He was really tempted to give it to her, even when the owner showed up. But Lampwick felt bad because she was an old lady and it was her wedding ring so he reluctantly gave it back. She told him where he could find really nice jewelry though so it worked out. She knows he didn't grow up with a lot of means to provide for himself. So when they were young she took it upon herself to teach him. He has to AT LEAST hunt or fish, what if there's no food in winter! It took them both a long time to get used to Auradon being so rich and having modern distribution systems.

Lampwick put a lot of thought into her wedding ring. He'd gotten the engagement ring down but the wedding ring stressed him out. He was convinced she deserved more than a plain one and so he worked really hard and paid a lot to get it custom done. Tiger Lily loved doing roller derby. It's fighting on wheels! She loves the speed and adrenaline rush. Lampwick worried at first but came to watch. Turns out her skating and fighting is the hottest thing he's ever seen. He came to every meet and brought her snacks. He also cheers super loud and maybe got into a couple of fights with people who said rude things about Tiger Lily. XD Tiger Lily appreciates it but it sure is distracting! They went shopping once when they were still learning English. It was a huge fancy department store and sure enough, Tiger Lily got lost. XD Lampwick was freaking out but tried really hard to find her. Finally, he gave in and tried to ask someone there for help. It was hard to remember some of the words but he was really motivated here. XD Thankfully, she found herself at a help desk and so it was easy enough for them to be reunited. After that, he held onto her hand! Tiger Lily really worried about his history of substance abuse. He tried to brush her off at first, but she wouldn't let it go. Eventually she sat him down and had a mini intervention where she told him how worried she was. It was one of the big reasons he went to get help. And while now he's at a pretty good level of functionality, she still worries if he smokes more than usual. So she makes him see someone if it's getting bad again. So they like to rent movies, but Tiger Lily likes serious (Boring in his opinion) ones about serious problems. They make her cry and so he doesn't like them but she thinks it's important that they're aware. So to compromise they rent a serious movie and a happier movie. And then Lampwick pouts when award season comes around and her movies trounce his. 😛

Thanks to @askauradonprep / @blenderbender1811 for these ideas

[zr-art-world]

🤹‍♂️🤹‍♀️🎞️CLOWN YUU🎞️🤡🎪

I've been designing Yuu's outfit for the playful land event (Been thinking about it more than the mascaraed event and by the end of this post, it will be obvious why). From the descriptors, Yuu has a similar jacket to Leona and ruffles similar to Lillia. My first design got across that well, but I didn't vibe with it.

THEN the digital circus and episode 7 of helluva boss came out so I decided to go with my first idea and make Yuu a clown. Also, for this I decided to search "Pinocchio clown" and found a Russian Pinocchio movie with a bunch of different clown characters soooo... While I'm at school, I'll be working on some crappy sketches and do a polished piece when I get home later today

Just a reminder

(Don't Give Disney Your Money)

[snovyda]

I didn't intend to make a post about it, but I am still thinking about it and I feel like if I don't let it out, I will lose my mind.

I was watching a youtube video dunking on the terrible Disney "live action" Pinocchio remake, and then I saw this scene and it made me scream into the pillow.

In this scene, Pinicchio is performing on the stage, the backdrop changes to the one you see there, and the puppets dressed in some stereotypical "russian" costumes show up and start dancing some stereotypical "russian" dance (a lot of which had been taken from other peoples, but that's beside the point).

The point is that backdrop. Which is not just a picture of some stylised building - it is a real place. It's Kyiv Pechersk Lavra, or Kyiv Monastery of the Caves. Which is situated in Kyiv, Ukraine. So having it as a backdrop for russian stereotypes is wrong on so many levels, but even that is not all.

Look at this photo of the Kyiv Pechersk Lavra from its Wikipedia page:

Look at it and then at the backdrop in the stills from the movie. Pay attention to the angles and the shape of the clouds. Not only is it the same place they drew from, it is literally the same picture with some filter on.

The budget for this movie was 200 million dollars. And obviously this is a minor detail, the movie looks like shit on all levels anyway. I guess actually trying is a very outdated concept when you are Disney these days.

[very-straight-blog]

Hey! For the ask game:

5. What Disney movie/cartoon were you afraid of as a kid? 13. You can only have 3 apps on your phone. What are they? 15. Tell me about the worst haircut you ever had.

5 - I think Pinocchio seemed pretty creepy to me.

13 - VK (Russian app), Tumblr, Telegram.

15 - Oh, I guess when I was little and my mom cut my hair and I had a strange straight bang that didn't suit me at all.

[anotherrevue]

The Top 25 Movies of 2022

When I think about 2022, the highs of the year feel like a return to form, for movies and for myself personally. And yet, on further inspection, it’s possible that two straight years of largely garbage movies and even more garbage circumstances have set the bar rather low. Yes indeed, this year has been better in comparison, but it has not by any means measured up to “normal”. 

There have been some bright spots – travelling all over the country to meet friends, watching movies I’ve been waiting to see for several years, etc – and there have been some dark recesses – of the mind, yes, but also whatever the fuck has been happening at Warner Bros. Discovery. And as far as my empty promises of lots of new pieces that I made in my first ever post, the ideas are still there, I just haven’t yet made most of them as coherent as I’d hoped. However, I have some breaking news for you: the year’s over, which means it’s time for the highlight reel babyyy! You’ll only find best-ofs here (sorry to The Gray Man) as we kick off another year.

Quick note to anyone who didn’t read the Shepitko piece: I’m totally on your side. It’s too long and too much like a SparkNotes summary of a biography. I wrote it while I was stuck deep down a well of love for this incredible artist who thought much along the same lines about art: “If I don’t do it, I’ll die.” Is that a sideways excuse for why I haven’t updated this blog in a long time? Maybe…

But back to 2022. An incredible year for theatres: Top Gun Maverick recreating the late great Tony Scott’s aesthetic for a fleeting 2 hour thrill ride was something I never expected. Avatar: The Way of Water leading the charge for high quality, must-see-in-3D movies on the other hand was something I completely expected and yet I still walked out absolutely in love with Pandora. The return of Jaws, ET and The Godfather in the form of picture-perfect restorations and pristine transfers was such a perfect lure back to theatres.

But as with any year, I saw most movies this year in my bedroom or on TV. 594 is a very large number, which troubles me. I worry that I watch too any movies – do I really process what I watch or is it robotic? Am I just putting on movies as a way to distract myself, and if so, is that fair?

I don’t really have answers there. It has certainly felt mechanical at times, and I felt like I reached saturation, occasionally feeling like I didn’t even care about movies. And then, just in the nick of time would come something like Crimes of the Future, a nasty piece of mystery fiction, but nasty in the best possible way, twisted by ol’ Dave Cronenberg to forefront his own preoccupations with the human body and relationships. Suddenly, I’d be back in love with films.

So what can I do? I’ll keep watching movies, but maybe slow down a little. Take time to process each movie before moving on. Watch with more purpose, more discernment. Maybe I don’t need to watch ALL of the new Pinocchios (del Toro’s is by far the most enjoyable, Zemeckis’ is a complete nothingburger and the Russian one is… unfathomably awful). And most of all, I’ll write more, because that helps me connect to movies more than just letting it swirl around in the cesspool that is my mind.

But enough of the rambling preamble. As a movie year, 2022 was twisty and all over the place. A great year for Tom Cruise and Colin Farrell (who was excellent in FOUR WHOLE MOVIES THANK YOU to the film deities!!), a great year for horror, a great year for weird shit that seemed to be aimed directly at me. A terrible year (I know I said no negativity so I’ll get this over quickly) for unfortunate franchises (Branagh’s Poirot, Jurassic World) and Tom Hanks, who was in the bad Pinocchio and generally agreed to be the worst part of Elvis. Undecided result for Margot Robbie, who was passably charming in an inexplicable film (Amsterdam) and reportedly excellent in an unmitigated flop that I’m excited to watch (Babylon).

I watched 141 movies released in 2022. Here are my top 25.

25. Causeway

24. Saloum

23. Save the Cinema

22. Bheeshma Parvam

21. The Lost King

20. Pada

19. Everything Everywhere All at Once

18. Nope

17. God’s Country

16. Hinterland

15. Hustle

14. The Northman

13. The Banshees of Inisherin

12. Prey

11. Benediction

10. Fire of Love

This was among my most anticipated movies of 2022. It’s rare for me to be so excited for a documentary – I usually stumble upon them and then get pulled into loving it. And unlike another documentary from this year that I loved (my precious Good Night Oppy, which made me cry, much like most movies about the space program), I wasn’t really pre-disposed to loving it. I’m a space guy, not a lava guy. Yet Fire of Love is special, because the premise promises a tragic love story, but from the first moment that we see the Kraffts, we realize that this isn’t tragic to them, no matter the outcome. They understand the risks fully and still it’s completely joyous for them. And the footage of the volcanoes is mesmerizing, you almost understand how inextricably drawn they felt to them. NatGeo, two years running, making my best of year list. I’ll keep my eye out for their 2023 releases.

9. The Woman King

This is Gladiator with most of the flab cut off. Gina Prince-Bythewood is one of my favourite working directors and her shift into action filmmaking is really remarkable, considering how emotionally focused her first three movies are. It makes sense though, once you realize that her action scenes are so fluid is because she herself is an athlete and she frames the scenes, not just as balletic or violent feats, but as a show of athletic prowess. From the opening – which is very reminiscent of the first Nakia scene in Black Panther – I was fully on board with the tone and scale of this movie, boosted in no small part by Viola Davis (the biggest Oscar snub of the year), Lashana Lynch (being an absolute dynamo on screen) and Thusu Mbedu (who somehow holds her own as a co-lead in this movie opposite Davis).

8. Jackass Forever

Like every iteration of Jackass, Forever is wonderfully juvenile, but there’s an added tinge of melancholy in watching Knoxville, Steve-O, Dave England and the rest of the original cast slowly come to terms with the fact that their bodies can’t take the same levels of punishment anymore. We see them hand over a lot of the stunts to the newer additions, who take the reins while also trying to get out of the giant shadows of Ryan Dunn and Bam. All that said, Knoxville and Steve-O still do the two most what the fuck gags in the movie, and Danger Ehren, as ever, is the victim of a nightmarish flurry of pain. But Jackass isn’t about violence; it’s just the most stupidly violent franchise about friends who love each other.

7. Kimi

Any movie Steven Soderbergh puts out is likely to make my best of, and it speaks to the quality of the top 10 this year that Kimi has dropped to the back half. This movie is fun as hell, an old school conspiracy thriller in the vein of (quite obviously) The Conversation and Rear Window, but set in a tech world that’s increasingly more familiar – and more frightening – to us. Of course, Soderbergh isn’t new to conspiracies (see: Erin Brockovich), but the thing that makes his work in Kimi particularly enthralling is his ability to capture natural human behaviour on screen. He makes excellent hangout movies (Oceans 11-13, Magic Mike, Let Them All Talk) because he knows that if you shoot movie stars in a certain way and pace it right, anything they do will be immensely watchable. And for Kimi, he teamed up with one of the very rare true-blue movie stars under 35 in Zoe Kravitz. She pulls the camera with a natural, easy magnetism that automatically sets us up on her side. Add Soderbergh’s excellent technical craft, and you get a lean, mean, murder mystery machine that has you in and out and completely satisfied in 90 minutes flat.

6. Top Gun: Maverick

Often the Best Actor/Actress Oscar is won by someone doing an interpretation of a real person that we’re all familiar with (Rami Malek for Freddie Mercury, Renee Zellweger for Judy Garland and possibly – god forbid – Austin Butler for Elvis). I think that should just be its own special Oscar: Best Re-Creation. And this year, Top Gun: Maverick should win that honour, because Joseph Kosinski (who I’m overall pretty mixed on as a director) does a spectacular job recreating that early Tony Scott style that made the first Top Gun so exhilarating. Funny thing, leading up to the release of this movie, I put my favourite Tony Scott movies on TV (I’ll take any excuse really). My sister walked in during the first 10 minutes of Unstoppable and not only was she completely hooked, but she insisted on watching the rest of the movies with me. So it was particularly fantastic to be able to show my sister a Tony Scott-esque movie in theatres for the first time. I wish there were more of them.

5. Avatar: The Way of Water

Yes I loved it. Am I a sucker for Jim Cameron? Also yes. The water footage is like watching NatGeo from another planet (in a good way, you should know by now that I’m a fiend for NatGeo). Cameron knows how the build tension in an action scene and he also knows how to shoot it so that you know exactly where everyone is in relation to each other, which seems to be a lost art in big budget blockbusters these days. But what gets The Way of Water to number 5 is the tulkun. What an incredible idea to have this species of space whales be intellectually and emotionally smarter than the Na’vi and yet have them choose to intertwine themselves with the Na’vi. And the decision to introduce this kind of an interspecies dynamic in the SECOND MOVIE when there’s is no analogue for it in the first, is a feat on its own. Although I should have probably recused myself from reviewing this movie, since Payakan is my best friend.

4. The Fabelmans

Steven Spielberg has always been a filmmaking savant, which this movie will tell you, but I think what makes The Fabelmans so good, and what has really been working for Spielberg in this last decade, is that he tackles honest, complex emotions head on instead of eschewing it for the classic Spielberg sentimentality. He portrays the intricate and overlapping familial dynamics in the Fabelman household (a thinly veiled depiction of his own home life) with shockingly little guile or deflection and shows us not only the joys, but the strains of being an artist.

3. TÁR

Hard to talk about this movie without just lavishing praise on Cate Blanchett, but I’ll try – not because she isn’t the best thing about it, but because every discussion about TÁR is so dominated by Cate Blanchett that other great parts of the movie fade into the noise. Todd Field as an actor is best known as Nick Nightingale in Eyes Wide Shut, but his work as a director in TÁR reminds me of the second half another Kubrick movie: Barry Lyndon. To start the movie at the peak of someone’s prowess and document their downfall, and not have audiences utterly despairing by the end is a special talent that few have, and Field certainly nails it. Noemie Merlant (of Portrait of a Lady on Fire fame) is an absolute beacon of charisma as Lydia Tar’s assistant, and her performance subtly elevates the audience’s investment in the story. But I think the secret sauce to the movie, and the emotional crux, is on the shoulders of Nina Hoss, who has very little screen time, yet really underscores the whole movie with one incredible line reading. The individual pieces of TÁR are excellent in their own right, which sometimes poses a problem when the filmmaker tries to put them all together, but the movie is so well-conceived and Field has such a strong artistic voice that the brilliance of each part only works to elevate the whole.

2. After Yang

The first of Colin Farrell’s 2022 movies remains my favourite, which is a shock because I would have put money on The Banshees of Inisherin being my number one movie of the year overall. And though Banshees has been slowly creeping up my rankings the longer I think on it, After Yang has held strong for nigh on a year. Kogonada’s first movie, Columbus, juxtaposed an emotional gentleness with the sadness of real life in a way that didn’t make me want to run away as movies like that normally do. Instead, he made the real world an enviable gentle place that doesn’t magic away tragedies but accepts them as an essential part of every person. In After Yang, Kogonada takes that sensibility and applies it to a sci-fi idea that is perhaps as old as the genre: what if a robot began to feel? The set-up is, on paper, similar to classics like Blade Runner and AI, but the movie is handled with a tenderness that those earlier movies had only sparingly. There’s a lot in After Yang about loss and grief and parenting, but also about the joys of culture and art.

1. Three Thousand Years of Longing

If you go back to my list last year, my number one was Night of the Kings, a Ivorian prison drama about the importance of storytelling. So I guess it’s pretty boring that this year, yet again, I’ve picked a film that features tales of magic and wonder. Three Thousand Years of Longing is a djinn movie, but what sets Three Thousand Years apart is the way these fairytales are portrayed. Rooted in real history, the stories have a sense of dream logic that makes every instance of magic makes sense. And the main story itself, much like another movie I loved this year (Good Luck to You, Leo Grande), cautiously but lovingly explores the awkward romanticism of two strangers in a hotel. Idris Elba’s Djinn is wary of his summoner, while Tilda Swinton’s Alithea, a scholar of storytelling, is well aware of the mischievous nature of djinns. Hijinks do not ensue, however. Rather, the two of them slowly let their guards down, as the Djinn warns Alithea of the dangers of previous wishes he’d had to grant, weaving tales of a mystical history that has her (and me) completely enraptured. Three Thousand Years feels to me like the closest a movie can get to the magic of bard recounting an oral tradition of love and war and the follies of humans.

***

As usual, some honourable mentions:

Decision to Leave, Good Luck to You, Leo Grande, Athena, A Man of Action, Mukundan Unni Associates, Apollo 10 ½: A Space Age Childhood, Watcher, Something from Tiffany’s (a very solid romcom) and motherfucking Ambulance because what a goddamn ride that movie is.

I don’t recommend stand-up specials often because nothing is less appealing than comedy recommendations. But Jerrod Carmichael’s Rothaniel is really the most intimate special I’ve seen while still being hilarious.

I know I don’t talk TV often but Andor and Slow Horses have three essentially perfect seasons between them and I’m very excited for what’s next.

Finally, Dinner in America is the most punk rock movie of the year and I really hope it gets a bit more traction because there aren’t enough straight up fuck the system movies being made, which is a major bummer.

***

I want to end on a note of cautious optimism, but I’ve gone on too long already, so let me just say this: we’re probably getting new movies from our greatest working directors[1], not to mention new entries in some of the most high quality franchises. Yes indeed, folks, a promising movie year lies ahead, and you might as well stay tuned to Another Revue - who knows? I might be true to my word about writing more.

___

Soderbergh (Magic Mike 3), Scorsese (Killers of the Flower Moon), Michael Mann (Ferrari), Sofia Coppola (Priscilla), Miyazaki (How Do You Live?), Fincher (The Killer), Gerwig (Barbie), Yorgos Lanthimos (Poor Things and possibly And), Reichardt (Showing Up), Nolan (Oppenheimer), Shyamalan (Knock at the Cabin), Ridley Scott (Napoleon), Steve McQueen (Blitz), Jonathan Glazer (The Zone of Interest) ↩

[hazmatazz]

gonna watch the russian pinocchio movie (the adventures of buratino) tonight because i was reminded of it (wow i wonder who did that)

[gaykarstaagforever]

I started watching Pinocchio: A True Story, yes the one where Pauly Shore and Jon Heder are inexplicably there and terrible.

The animation is good, honestly, and the rest of the voice cast is fine, for what this is, which is a low-tier English dubbing of a foreign language animation. The translation is pretty awkward, but that happens a lot, and I'm hardly in a position to gripe about a Russian-to-English cartoon translation not being poetic enough. Outside of Shore and Heder, the movie isn't even bad, just an utterly mediocre exactly-what-it-is.

The "bad" is Shore and Heder. And while they are not hilariously awful the entire movie, they deliver enough lines badly that it is funny enough. I stopped watching it because I was too distracted thinking about how the hell this happened. The other actors are meh. But these two are garbage. And both are industry professionals of some stripe, so how can their reads be so terrible? It is almost like they are doing it on purpose, except it is too good at being the kind of bad it is for it to be intentional.

All I can think is, those two specifically were directed by an inexperienced voice acting director, or by someone who just wasn't one at all, or they literally had these two record these lines alone somewhere because they were too "big" to be with the rest of the cast, out of context of the full script. At any rate, the American director had to use whatever bad takes there were and here we are.

I don't know. I'm not researching it, and I'm not finishing it. It isn't funny-bad enough for me to care. I'll watch a YouTube video later explaining what happened, which will no doubt be more entertaining.

It is free on Tubi, so you got nothing to lose but time.

I'd suggest instead watching the 1993 Pauly Shore movie Son In Law, which is also free, places. I just did the other weekend. It is a long sitcom and very 90s, but way better than it has any right to be. And Pauly Shore is legitimately funny and charming in it; you'll see why he was such a big deal for like 6 minutes in the mid-90s.

I don't know. I always liked his gregarious stoner philosopher shtick. But I grew up in the 90s so keep that in mind.

[ilovescaredysquirrel2]

Pierro X Malvina unfiltered screenshots (Buratino's return/Pinocchio's return from 2013) THIS RUSSIAN MOVIE NEEDS AN ENGLISH DUB SO I CAN WATCH IT WITHOUT MY FRIEND TRYING TO TRANSLATE (yes this is that movie with the Barbie dolls singing that song in Russian)

[haveyouseenthismovie-poll]

End of month update - July

Hello, all! This is the end-of-month update, where I post Tumblr’s current top four films that have received the highest percentage of “yes,” “no,” and “haven’t even heard of this movie” votes.

As of today, the top four films with the highest percentage of “yes” votes are:

Finding Nemo (2003) | Shrek (2001) | Monsters, Inc. (2001) | The Lion King (1994)

Next, the top four films with the highest percentage of “no” votes are:

Fifty Shades of Grey (2015) | Sausage Party (2016) | Pinocchio (2019) | Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014)

This top four changed through the new addition of Fifty Shades of Grey (2015), which replaced All Quiet on the Western Front (1930).

Finally, the top four films with the highest percentage of “haven’t even heard of this movie” votes are:

Faat Kiné (2001) | Now Add Honey (2015) | Like a Cat on a Highway (2017) | Dean Spanley (2008)

That’s it for July’s end-of-month update! Remember that you can view last month’s update by clicking here. Additionally, you can view the full ranked Letterboxd lists of movies that have come up on this blog by clicking the following links:

This list is ranked from highest-to-lowest percentage of “yes” votes.

This list is ranked from highest-to-lowest percentage of “no” votes.

This list is ranked from highest-to-lowest percentage of “haven’t even heard of this movie” votes.

Remember to vote on the polls that are currently running: Winter Light (1963) | Call Me By Your Name (2017) | Head (1968) | The Man Who Stole the Sun (1979) | Almost Famous (2000) | The Tale of Princess Kaguya (2013) | Hotel Mumbai (2018) | The Body Remembers When the World Broke Open (2019) | Liz and the Blue Bird (2018) | Phantom of the Paradise (1974) | Eureka (2000) | The Wolfman (2010) | The Hangover (2009) | Project X (2012) | Poison (1991) | Life, and Nothing More... (1992) | Edward II (1991) | The Crying Game (1992) | The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming! (1966) | Everything Is Illuminated (2005) | Samurai Rebellion (1967) | Spy (2015) | Clouds of Sils Maria (2014) | Hell is Empty (2021) | The Wizard of Speed and Time (1988) | Sorcerer (1977) | Running on Empty (1988) | Departures (2008) | My Fair Lady (1964) | The Great Mouse Detective (1986) | Solaris (1972) | Who Killed Captain Alex? (2010) | The Order (2003) | The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009) | The Mask (1994)

[floralgraveyard]

12, 17, 36, 40 (hehe :3), 43, 44, 45 (can you tell i’m in love with your accent), 71,

12. What was your last dream about? - I dreamed about Brendon Urie being in wicked and also being in that 2021/2022 Pinocchio movie where he sounds like a twink

17. Who would be your ideal partner? - Someone soft but mean. I mean it's more complicated then that but like

36. Favourite clean word? - is piss clean

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? - no. never in my entire life /s

43. Can you do any accents other then your own? - yes. I can do Russian, British, French, standard American (sort of), western American, hillbilly girl, not sure if I can do more

44. Do you have a strong accent? - I don't know do I?

45. What is your favorite accent? - not sure <3

71. What makes you nervous? - gay people...

[brokensenseofhumor]

Suddenly I just remembered this obscure Russian movie about Pinocchio himself destroying a toy factory. Brb