#russell shaw prompt responses

[thebiggerbear]

"You're safe now. I'm here." - Russell Shaw Prompt Response Part 1

Summary: You've been taken hostage and Russell is part of the unit sent in to retrieve you.

Pairing: Russell Shaw x Female!Reader

A/N: This is a prompt from @sydnee-kom-spacekru that I had to turn into a two-parter because it got way too long for just one posting. I've been working on this since May 19th when I decided to add Russell to the multi-character prompt response project I'm currently working on.

For this story, I chose Colombia as the country featured in here because I remember when we were growing up, we would ask our parents why we couldn't visit our cousins from there, and we were told it was too dangerous. As we grew older, we obviously found out why. That's the only reason I chose it for that part of the story. Obviously, I'm not making any statements, political or otherwise, about Colombia or any past/present situation happening there.

A little bit of a disclaimer: I do not work in the medical field so I apologize for any inconsistencies, exaggerations, or complete fallacies. I did my best to research but ultimately, I'm not trained in that industry. I also am not in the military, political, or governmental fields. I also am not the CEO of a major corporation. I utilized those parts of the story strictly for fictional purposes. So I apologize in advance again if I get anything incorrect for those fields.

All unbeta'd.

Part 2 (coming very soon)

WARNINGS: graphic violence; attempted sexual assault; trauma; graphic blood/injury; gun violence/gunfire; mentions of dead bodies; death; mentions of execution; kidnapping/hostage situation; PTSD; angst

Word Count: 11k+

“You’re safe now, I’m here.”

Soldier Boy version ✨ SDV Leah version

Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187; @rieleatiel

Jensen Taglist: @samanddeaninatrenchcoat; @deansbbyx

You slowly glanced around the room you were being held in. You winced when the pain in your head started up again from the movement. You knew you had some cuts on your face, your lip, and one near your hairline. One of the people who had taken you and your co-workers hostage had shouted at you in Spanish and worked you over a little. You understood most of what he had screamed but you had no answers for him. 

You and your team had come down to visit the Bogota office upon the insistence of your father. The company his grandfather had started decades prior had expanded to become one of the top corporations in the United States, eventually branching out internationally. Growing up, you hadn’t wanted for anything. As you got older and entered high school, your father made it clear to you, being his only child, that he wanted you to follow in his footsteps and take over the family business one day. It wasn’t exactly what you’d dreamed of but it had been made known from the outset that whatever you might want would never matter in the scheme of things. Not when it came to the importance of legacy and carrying on the family name and the company’s brand, all while working closely with the Board. So, you had pursued your business degree in college at an Ivy League school, even going so far as to achieve your MBA and make your father proud.

You were quickly welcomed into the company and you put your nose to the grindstone, worked hard, and began to climb the corporate ladder. A lot of people knew that had to do with your last name but they also saw you working the same long hours as them, working just as much, and sacrificing any semblance of a personal life you could have had. You didn’t even have plants in your lavish city apartment because you were practically never there to water them. Weekends were a concept that ceased to exist the moment you left the university. If your co-workers worked 60-hour work weeks, you worked 80. If they worked through holidays like Memorial Day and July 4th, you worked those days, too, in addition to Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s. So you earned some respect, some envy, and some resentment — a healthy mix of it all as you raced to the top at your father’s constant prodding. 

Only a year ago, you’d moved to Manhattan to run the New York office, a promotion that had your father beaming with pride. It was a bit of a transition, as any transition would be, but ultimately, you got to know your team, your department heads, and you’d settled in as best you could. You never truly relaxed into your role but you let your employees know up front that you were there to make things easier, not more difficult. You were interested in flooding the figurative harbor so everyone’s boats would rise, not just yours or the Board’s. Your father had not appreciated that little introductory speech you had made but you couldn’t find it in yourself to regret it. You had meant every word and you set out every single day to not only prove yourself but to also make that vision come true. 

Which was partially what had brought you to the Bogota office. While you were responsible for New York, your father had made the valid point that you should travel to the international offices of Bogota, London, and Beijing. You should show your face and introduce yourself in person, not just on Zoom. You had been hesitant, not because you didn’t want to visit the sites and meet the crews, but because you still didn’t feel confident that you could afford to be away from your home office for that long (it would be about a two and a half week trip). Not because you didn’t trust your team to run things without you but because you had several projects in the works that required your constant participation, feedback, approval, and sometimes guidance. It felt strange to put it all at risk by choosing the most inopportune moment for you to go shake hands on the international stage and take tours of the other facilities. You didn’t want to leave your team in a lurch at a dire time such as this one. You had tried to explain all of this to your father when he grew irritated at your resistance.

“Stop with the excuses. You’re going and that’s final,” he had snapped at you before leaving your office. And that had been that. 

The next morning, you and a few selected co-workers (handpicked by your father) were on a flight to Bogota, the first stop on your international tour. Thankfully, Colombia was only one hour behind New York so you’d be able to check in with your office as soon as you landed. 

Things were going well with your visit, right up until the moment you and your team were leaving the building to head back to the hotel for a late lunch when you were ambushed. A black hood had been thrown over your head, you’d felt pain as something hit you from the side, and the next thing you knew, you woke up in a vehicle that you could feel and hear but not see. You had no idea what happened until you were instructed in Spanish to shut up, stay quiet and not struggle, and you wouldn’t get hurt. You knew you were in trouble when you came to but now you knew without a doubt as you listened to the conversation between the men surrounding you, you had been taken hostage.

You had no idea where they had brought you but you’d been there for what felt like a month though you couldn’t be sure. You had been held in the same room, only able to use the bathroom which they escorted you to. You were in some compound and any time you’d tried to sneak a peek out of an open window during your bathroom treks, you either got yelled at and hit or you could only make out a thick cover of trees. You and your group had been terrified every single day of your captivity that they would kill you all, or worse. You had three men in your group and four women including you. One of the kidnappers had already tried to take advantage of that fact and had thrown Meredith from Finance onto the floor, unbuckling his pants. You had begged in Spanish for her to be left alone while Pat and Suzanne had cried and screamed. Tim, Jerry, and Rob had all been taken to the bathroom beforehand (something that hadn’t happened before, they usually took the guys one at a time) so it had been just you four in the room. When the man didn’t show any signs of stopping and Meredith tearfully begged him from the floor to let her be, something switched off in your brain and you flew at him. You attempted to hit him anywhere you could but he knocked you down flat in seconds. He backhanded you a couple of times, making the women in the background scream louder, and he then decided you were going to be the one he was going to assault instead. He ripped your shirt and you tried to fight him off but he was too strong. Thankfully, another kidnapper heard all of the commotion and came running, rushing into the room and stopping the man, yelling at him that none of you were to be touched, that was part of the deal. Your would-be assailant yelled back at the man who had saved you and then got to his feet, spitting on you, as he stormed out of the room, followed by your unintentional savior. 

You attempted to cover yourself with the shreds of your shirt but it was useless. You now only had a bra and little bits of cloth left from how violently he had torn the fabric. You were shaking but somehow you were able to crawl your way over to Meredith to check on her. Sobbing, she held onto you and before you knew it, Pat and Suzanne had rushed over, throwing their arms around you both, still crying themselves but also trying to speak reassurances to you both. Your body shook in their embrace as it finally hit you how close you had come to being assaulted. If that other man hadn’t interrupted when he did… You shuddered at the thought. It wasn’t long after that when Tim, Jerry, and Rob were returned to the room, their hoods removed, and one glance in your direction let them know immediately what had happened. Rob had actually removed his shirt and offered it to you, apologizing for the smell. You appreciated his selfless gesture but you were thankful when Tim instead offered up the windbreaker pullover he had been wearing the day you had been taken. You took the latter, thanking them both for their generosity and thoughtfulness. Tim at least still had his t-shirt.

Then, a couple of days later, you had been dragged from the room, thrust into a chair, and tied up. The questioning began, about the money from your company among other things, and you were worked over when they didn’t get the answers they wanted. You hadn’t noticed a man holding a smartphone while sitting in the corner, taking in every second of the torture you endured, until your interrogation ended. You had been afraid but seeing that phone…you were absolutely terrified. Were they going to kill you on video, sending it off to media outlets to share globally for your father to see? Or would they use social media?

They didn’t end up killing you, though. Instead, they brought you to a room with a single bed that you had never seen before. You did not like the fact that you had been separated from your group. You began to hyperventilate at the realization that they were isolating you for a purpose, thinking you would be attacked again, especially when you heard a loud gunshot reverberate from outside followed by yelling that you couldn’t quite make out. But instead of anyone coming to hurt you, they sent in a doctor to tend to your wounds. Once he had, you curled up into a ball and hugged your knees to your chest, waiting for the worst to happen, intent on fighting tooth and nail when the time came. But a few days later or however long it had been, they brought you back into the interrogation room again. 

You expected the blows this time though they still hurt horribly. They began to cut you on your arms, near your neck, your shoulders, your torso…they never cut your face, though. While you were grateful for that small mercy, they still beat the hell out of you, the worst they ever had. While your face may have been spared the cutting, it was not spared the hits. You had even taken a couple of hard blows to the head that left you reeling. You didn’t even remember if you had screamed, cried, or begged for them to stop. Instead, you remembered some random saying in some movie you had seen stating that pain was the way you knew you were still alive. You held onto that as they continued to inflict as much damage as they could without actually killing you or making it impossible for you to speak. They had even unzipped Tim’s pullover at the beginning of the torture, leaving you in your bra, and besides the cuts they had also landed punches to your already severely bruised stomach and sides. They had even stomped on your bare feet, making you cry out as some of your toes broke from the force. They had even taken a bat to your right knee. That time you screamed the loudest you ever had in your life, sobbing so hard you didn’t think you’d ever be able to stop. The pain was immense, something you hadn’t felt before, and tears poured down your face, mixing with the blood dripping from a busted lip and most likely broken nose. When they stopped to take a break, it didn’t surprise you in the least that the same man with the phone from last time was there in the same corner. It did surprise you, though, that they didn’t leave. While you figured they were just ramping up to go for a second round, something told you that you may not come out alive from this particular interrogation. You could only hope the others you had been brought here with somehow did. A small part of you wondered if the reason they were going harder on you this time, possibly about to kill you on video, is because your company didn’t pay the sum demanded in the last one. You knew your father must have done everything he could to secure your release, even if the Board for some reason hadn’t. You hadn’t prayed since you were a girl, right before your mother died, but you sent a silent one up anyway to anyone who might be listening that your father would never see this footage. It would destroy him if he did. You didn’t expect much, though. Your mom had still passed away from a terminal illness, so you were pretty sure your father wouldn’t be spared seeing your last moments like this.

But instead of starting back up again as you anticipated, the men ended up stepping outside of the room though they left the phone behind, on some sort of stand, still pointing in your direction. 

So now here you were, your body exhausted yet radiating nothing but pain. You slowly swung your head around in a daze, blinking against the bright light they had turned on before leaving. You waited for them to come back, to finally do their worst and possibly end your life. You were terrified but you also knew how badly injured you were, that there was nothing you could do. Even if you could somehow get loose, how would you manage to escape? Even if you got outside, this compound was heavily patrolled by armed guards. And even if by some miracle you could get past them without being seen or an alarm being sounded when your absence was discovered, you had no idea where you were. You were in the jungle for Christ’s sake, from the brief glimpses you’d managed to catch on your bathroom runs. You had no idea where to go from here. Still, though, you heard that small voice inside your head, telling you to fight, not to give in or give up. You had to work hard, be the best, and prove yourself. Go, go, go. The voice sounded strangely like your father’s. 

As you waited for your captors to come back, you glanced around the room to see if there was anything that could help you. You attempted to move your arms but gasped in pain when you did. You didn’t even try anything with your right leg. You knew your kneecap was broken; it had to be. You chanced moving your left leg, though, but it didn’t budge. You were stuck to this chair.

Suddenly, you heard the last thing you expected. Gunfire. 

Not that gunfire was all that unusual around here. You had heard some happen during your captivity but it was short and never answered. You and your co-workers had no idea what went on in the rest of the compound but after hearing those rounds being fired every so often, you didn’t really want to know.

But these were extended rapid bursts of gunfire and someone was definitely shooting back. Not to mention all of the furious yelling you could hear down the hall. You idly wondered if one of your people got free and they were making a break for it. If it was, you hoped they got free and were able to go for help. 

You knew you should be scared as the gunshots got closer to you, when you heard more yells and some thuds right outside your door, but you simply resigned yourself to your fate. Especially when one of the kidnappers burst into the room and held a gun to your head, yelling in Spanish at an unseen person to stay back or he would kill you. Your body began to shake uncontrollably once more, thinking this was it. You knew it; you were going to die. 

Two men swept into the room, dressed in tactical-looking gear and donning black face masks with holes only for eyes and mouths, assault rifles pointed in your captor’s direction. The man on your right told him to let you go in Spanish or he would be dead before he could squeeze a round off. 

The man on your left briefly glanced at you, his gaze an assessing one, before focusing back onto his target. Your captor screamed at them and pushed the gun into your temple, making you shake harder and take shallow breaths. 

“You got him?” The man on the left asked, surprising you when you heard him speak English. He sounded…American. 

“I got him,” the man on the right answered. Another American.

The kidnapper must have understood them because he gripped your head and pulled it back, pushing his gun now into the side of your face, making you scream out in pain. You heard a gunshot and suddenly the barrel against your cheek was gone as was the pressure around your head. A loud thud sounded as your captor’s body fell to the ground behind you and you moved your head to a position that didn’t hurt so much.

The two men were suddenly there, the one on the left laying a hand on your shoulder. “Please…don’t hurt me,” you begged in a raspy whisper. You followed it up with the same plea in Spanish, still not sure who you were exactly dealing with as your head swam.

“Hey,” the left soldier spoke softly. “Look at me.”

You did the best you could. It shocked you to see green eyes staring back at you with something that looked like kindness. Kindness…you hadn’t seen that in what felt like forever. Considering you’d only seen hatred and disgust from everyone around you since this whole ordeal started, this was something new and you held onto it with all of your might. 

“We’re here to get you out. Just hold on.” He pulled out a switchblade and you immediately gasped and began to shake again. “It’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you. I’m just cutting the ropes,” he explained gently as he did it. “See?” You carefully moved your head to gaze down, seeing that he was indeed doing as he said. 

Once you were free, you began to slide off of the chair, unable to sit up right due to your head still swimming. The movement caused you to cry out in pain from your injured knee being jostled when he caught you and lifted your arm around his shoulders to gently help you back into your original seated position. Your body still shaking, your brain told you that he was telling you the truth and he had just proved it, but you were still terrified and unsure of what to believe — no matter how kind his eyes were. “Shh, you’re safe now. I’m here and I’m going to get you out. I’m guessing they did a number on your legs?” He frowned down at your bloody feet. 

“My knee,” you quietly sobbed, the pain still radiating throughout your right leg. “They—they broke it.”

“Shit,” he muttered, studying the leg you had glanced at. 

In the background, you noticed the other man grab the smartphone and slip it into his pocket before heading back over in your direction. “What are we doing, man? Grab her and let’s go. Clock’s ticking.”

The man crouched in front of you looked up at the other one. “She can’t walk.” He inclined his head in the direction of your knee. “We’re going to have to carry her out.”

“Fucking hell,” the other one hissed. “Maybe we can get in touch with the chopper and get an evac.”

The man in front of you shook his head. “No, this is supposed to be a quick in and out. We have to get to the extraction point. They’re not coming for us.” So maybe these two were soldiers? They sounded like they might be military. Had your father somehow managed to get the government to send the US military in to rescue you?

“But, there’s no way we can—”

“No time for this, man. We’ve got to move now before reinforcements arrive.” Your rescuer turned back to you. “Alright, listen, I’m not going to lie to you, this is going to hurt like hell. I’m going to try my best to take it easy on you but we have to get you out of here now.”

You shook your head, causing tears to roll down your face. You wouldn’t admit it but you were as scared of the pain as you were to go out into the chaos you still heard happening outside of the room you were in. 

He laid his hand on your shoulder again and locked gazes with you. “We have to do this. I told you before. I’m here to get you out and that means I’m not leaving without you.” He very gently rubbed at your shoulder in reassurance. “So, just try to relax and I’ll—” He carefully tried to slip his free hand underneath your legs and gingerly lift them but the movement caused you to scream in pain. 

“Okay, okay,” your soldier soothed and backed off.

The other soldier was shaking his head. “We are so fucked.”

“Hey, we’re not.” Your guy turned to give him a sharp look. “Just give me a second with her.”

The other one let out an aggravated sigh and impatiently pointed to his watch before holding his rifle up and leaving the room. 

Your soldier glanced back at you. “Okay. Time for some real talk. We’ve got about seventeen minutes to get to the extraction point which is out of this place and up the hill on the north side. Which would be, not exactly a cakewalk because it would still be tough, but if you were able to use your legs and we were running, we’d probably make it there in the next fifteen despite any resistance we might encounter. But, this is—”

“Going to slow you down,” you choked out. “I’m not going to make it.” More tears rolled down your cheeks, stinging when they came into contact with your injuries. If you had to be left behind, you knew you would die. No question about it.

“Hey,” he spoke softer than he had a moment ago. “I told you I’m not leaving here without you and I meant it. So don’t go thinking anything like that.” His eyes narrowed slightly as your head became too heavy to try to hold up. His hand was suddenly behind your neck, helping you, as he visually inspected one of the wounds at your hairline. “Dammit,” you heard him mutter. “Okay, I’m getting you out of here.”

He bent down to scoop you up but you grabbed onto his uniform, gripping a bit of the fabric in your fingers though it hurt to do so. He turned to look at you and you shook your head, whimpering. “Please,” you begged. 

He reached up with a gloved hand and gently wiped under your eyes with his thumb. “I’m sorry but I have to. If I don’t…” He didn’t finish that sentence but he didn’t need to; the concern you saw in his green gaze said more than enough, and confirmed what he had already told you. “I know the pain is going to be a bitch and a half, but you’ve got to push through as best you can. I’ll carry you and get you to that chopper, I promise, but I need you to hold on. If you have to cry, scream, hell, even bite down on me, you do whatever you’ve got to do. But we’re doing this and we’re doing it now. You ready?”

“N-No.” Your voice wobbled a little bit but you heard him. You were going to try your best but you were still scared of the impending pain. “I’ll try.”

“Atta girl.” He gently positioned you as close to him as possible, zipping up the pullover that your captors had left open, and then carefully placed his free arm under your legs again. You got ready for the pain and whimpered again when he got ready to lift you. “I promise, after this, we’ll get that knee looked at, and that head injury, as soon as we get you someplace safe. Hey, look at me.” You struggled to meet his eyes but when you did, you saw the kindness from earlier staring back at you. “You’ve got this. You’ve made it this far and you’re going to make it all the way. I’m going to make sure you do.” 

“Okay,” you whispered, afraid to speak any louder when the threat of the impending pain. Almost as if you spoke a half a decibel higher, you might make it hurt worse than it already was going to. It didn’t make sense but you weren’t exactly thinking straight right then. 

You held onto the outer edge of his vest, wincing at the flare up of pain in your hand, as ready as you could possibly be in that moment. 

He gave you another second, a brief respite from what was to come, and then a nod. “Alright, here we go.”

The man slowly lifted you and it hurt, sure, but what really hurt was when gravity did its work when he carefully got to his feet. You couldn’t help but cry out. You immediately stuck your thumb knuckle into your mouth and bit down, hoping this would all be over very soon.

The other soldier appeared in the doorway, having heard your cries. Your soldier took a few steps towards him, forcing you to bite harder into your skin and more tears to roll down your cheeks. “Let’s get moving. Call the bird and let them know we’re on our way.” The man nodded and turned, speaking to someone to let them know you were about to leave the compound and would need backup on the way. 

When he turned around and gave you both a nod, your soldier held you a little closer to him. “You take point and lead us out. We’re good.” He then turned a reassuring smile on you. “Aren’t we?”

You wanted to answer him but you couldn’t. He hadn’t even started really moving yet and already the pain was agonizing. Instead, you carefully laid your head on his shoulder, feeling pure exhaustion wash over you that left an even foggier trace behind in your mind.

“Let’s do this.” Your soldier looked back towards the door and began to follow his fellow soldier out of the room. You gasped from the pain, bit into your flesh harder, and ignored the tears spilling onto your face. You weren’t going to be able to hold back the pained cries for long. You had no idea how you weren’t screaming at this point.

As you all turned down a hallway, you couldn’t help but think of the others and that provided a momentary distraction. “What about—my people?” You asked through gritted teeth.   

“Already extracted,” he whispered. “Now it’s your turn, Y/N.”

You were still fighting your way through a misty fog of pain and sluggishness but that caught your attention. You released your thumb and stuttered out, “You know my name.”

“Of course I know your name. We came here for you.” He shot you a wink and then proceeded to carefully make his way down the stairs after the way forward was cleared. 

You idly wondered about that as you held onto him, noting several dead bodies in your peripherals but refusing to look straight at them. You could hear him huffing and puffing next to you and you felt badly that he had to carry you because you were unable to walk. A couple of times, he had to stop and hunker down with you while the other soldier engaged the remaining kidnappers you came across. The third time, it was a struggle for you but you whispered, “Slowing you down. Not —gonna make it.”

“Shhh, don’t worry about that. I’ve got you,” he murmured back. And sure enough, once it was clear again, you were on the move. Before long, you had met up with more soldiers (the backup that must have been called for) and one of them offered to take you. You involuntarily tightened your grip on your rescuer’s vest and he shook his head. “Thanks, but I’m good.” 

Eventually, you made your way out onto the terrain and you could no longer hold back your pained cries. “Almost there,” he promised. After what felt like prolonged agony, you finally reached an area where a helicopter was indeed waiting. The sight of it made something that felt like relief loosen inside your chest. You were really going to make it out of here alive. Your soldier went to hand you off to another inside when your fingers tightened reflexively around him again. “It’s just for a second to let me get in,” he reassured you. 

You nodded, hoping it wouldn’t hurt as bad as that run had, and let him go. Once you were all boarded onto the helicopter, you were moved around again until you were back in your soldier’s embrace, holding tightly onto him as the aircraft lifted into the air and headed away from the compound where more gunfire erupted. 

You tried to ask him something but he couldn’t hear you so he ducked his head near yours. “Where are my people?” You asked as loudly as you could, taking every little bit of strength you had left. You were still under the fog, but you still noticed your co-workers weren’t in the helicopter with you. 

He turned and placed his lips near your ear. “They’re in another chopper!” You had all made it safely out. Thank God.

You nodded and laid your head against his shoulder, completely spent and feeling the throbbing of pain in your body intensify, making you acutely aware of all the rest of your injuries. The pain radiated from your knee outwardly and now you could feel it in your torso, your arms, your head… Your eyes began to close of their own accord when he shook your shoulder a little. “I’m sure all you want to do right now is sleep but I need you to stay awake. At least until the docs get a good look at you!”

You blinked dazedly up at him. “I don’t think I can,” you mumbled, not even sure he heard you. The tide of pain was washing you under.

He then did the last thing you expected. He lifted his mask and you finally saw the man underneath, the owner of those green eyes that you had been holding onto during this entire ordeal. 

“Man, what the hell are you doing?” You heard yelled nearby, but your soldier kept his eyes on yours.

“I need you to stay awake, Y/N! You think you can do that for me?”

You took in his features, your fingers carefully lifting up to touch the thick beard he sported, noting the dirt and grime smears all over his face, but his eyes were what captivated you. Now without the mask in the way, you were free to get lost in those green orbs as deeply as you dared. Too bad you couldn’t seem to stay conscious. 

He shook you again. “Y/N! Hey! Stay awake!”

“Sorry,” you slurred before everything went black.

The next time you jerked into consciousness, screaming out in pain, the helicopter had just landed and your soldier, once again wearing his face mask, was yelling instructions to the men around him. You couldn’t hear exactly what they were, the pain was that intense. You were lifted out into another soldier’s arms and looking past him, you saw a second helicopter not that far away. You watched as your co-workers were ushered off of it alongside other masked soldiers but something didn’t seem right. You weren’t sure what it was but something was off to you.

You were placed into someone else’s arms and you saw the eyes of your rescuer once again, softening when he saw that you were crying.

“Something’s—wrong.” 

“Stay with me this time, Y/N,” he urged as he hurried you away from the helicopter. “Help is just a few feet away! Only a little bit more to go.”

You tried to stay with him, you really did, but the tide of pain started to blanket you once again. Alongside it, the feeling of something’s wrong surged throughout your body before the darkness overtook you once more. 

The next time you came to, you were on a gurney and bright lights were shining down on you. Doctors and nurses surrounded you, talking quickly in Spanish and calling out a few instructions. Your body began to involuntarily tremble again. Had your rescue been a dream? Had your kidnappers brought you to another part of the compound where they had an assembled medical team waiting to somehow keep you alive after they had unleashed such brutality on you? Or were you just dead?

You felt a warm hand in yours, a thumb stroking the top of yours reassuringly. You gingerly turned your head to find your soldier, still wearing his mask, standing right there, smiling down at you. “There you are. You had me worried for a second.”

Before you could ask him if he was real, if any of it was, a nurse started yelling at him, trying to get him to leave. He replied in perfect Spanish, telling her in a very resolved tone that he wasn’t leaving until he knew you were going to be okay. She let out a frustrated huff and shot him a glare before turning away to speak to the doctors. They insisted he had to go and once again, without your permission, you tightened your grip on him, not wanting him to go anywhere.

“No,” you rasped out. “Please let him stay. Please.” He was the only thing anchoring you in this moment. You got the distinct feeling that if you lost him, you’d be lost entirely, never to resurface. He was safety for you, an end to the horrific ordeal you had been through, and you didn’t want him to leave you.

A doctor leaned over you, speaking kindly in English. “It’s okay,” he spoke with a heavy accent. “We are going to make you better but he can’t be in here.”

You shook your head and grabbed at your soldier’s forearm with your free hand though it hurt like hell. 

“Doc, can you give us a second?”

The doctor gave him a look but did as he asked, moving back over to his team. 

The man next to you pulled a chair from out of nowhere and positioned it next to you. He took a seat and only when he had did you release him, wincing as you dropped your right hand next to you. 

He smiled reassuringly down at you. “You’re going to be okay. They’re going to fix you right up. You’ve been through a lot but you’re going to be alright.”

You knew what he was doing; he was calming you down and saying goodbye. For some reason, that made you tear up. Even though you didn’t know this man, he had been your harbor of safety in a chaotic whirlwind, a beacon of hope to cling to in a truly terrifying situation you had found yourself in. When a tear rolled down your cheek, he wiped it away with his thumb. “Will you be here when I wake up?” You choked out.

“I’ll be here until you fall asleep.”

That set loose more tears and he made sure to catch every single one. In the meantime, the nurse came over and injected something into your IV. When you started feeling drowsy a minute or so later, it wasn’t hard to guess what was happening. “Will I ever see you again?” You frantically intertwined your fingers with his as you struggled to stay awake.

He leaned closer, smiling in the same reassurance his green eyes were trying to convey. “I’ll find you,” he murmured, gently squeezing your hand. That made even more tears fall. It surprised you when he moved in to whisper to you, “Get some rest, sweetheart. You’ve more than earned it.”

You wanted to stay awake; you fought it, not wanting to lose sight of those green eyes fixated on you, knowing they would be gone once you closed yours. But you lost that battle as a sea of sleepiness dragged you down with it. You held onto his words as your eyes finally shut from the weight of the drug and you could no longer see him or feel his hand in yours. “I’ll find you” reverberated through your mind as you sank deeper and deeper into oblivion, falling at a rapid rate from deep green into solid black, until you were completely engulfed by it and you were gone.

You briefly closed your eyes as you felt a cool breeze gently make its way past you. You watched as two orange leaves pirouetted in the air, spinning round and round, until they landed several feet away. Silent ripples danced along the water’s surface in front of you and you could hear the sounds of people milling about near you, talking, surrounded by a symphony of nature sounds mixed in with the faroff noises of city life. You couldn’t help but smile when you heard small children giggling as they played on the grass nearby with their parents watching over them. You watched as a small group of teenage girls walked past you, laughing as they reminisced over something that had happened the past weekend. You saw an old man on another bench further down the path, an open book in his hands. 

These were the small peaceful moments that you had come to appreciate since you rejoined society a couple of months ago. These were the ones you held onto when the memories of the terror and pain all became a bit too much, that reminded you that you were back home, safe. 

You watched as two moms in workout gear jogged by with their strollers. A man and woman coming from the opposite direction made their way around the two women and continued their trek, drinking from to-go cups and dressed in business casual attire. Sure enough, you could hear them discussing work-related topics as they passed you by. You smiled sadly as you watched them get further and further from your sight. 

That had been you not that long ago, where you didn’t have a care in the world other than pushing out new product lines and being in charge of one of the main offices of the family business. The pressure had been near soul-crushing most of the time but you had adapted for the most part and rolled with it. You worked hard, you worked long hours, and you were alright with that. You took the stress of hectic deadlines and constantly putting out fires and you rolled with the punches. It became part of your make-up and it could only help fuel you even faster towards your goal — your father’s goal. Now, after what you’d been through, your outlook on it all had changed. What had felt like life and death matters in the corporate world before no longer felt as dire as it used to. You’d been in a literal life and death situation and lived to tell the tale; whatever came your way business wise you knew you could more than handle. There was something about being tortured and having a gun held to your head, convinced you were about to die, that just put things into perspective for you.

And though you survived, you didn’t actually get to tell your tale. The minute you were reunited with your father, while he had been grateful you were alive and kissed your forehead, it was made clear to you that you and the co-workers who had been in captivity with you were to sign NDA’s. That had completely floored you. That was the Board’s main concern? That the public might find out that some of its employees had been kidnapped, terrorized, and tortured? How were they going to explain your month long absence from the job, from your lives? You knew Meredith had a fiance, Pat was a grandmother, Rob had just gotten married weeks before this happened, and Tim had a wife and kids waiting back at home for him. Suzanne was dating someone in HR and you could have sworn you heard Jerry mention at some point that he had a dog to get back to, hoping his neighbor had either checked in on it or at least notified someone to do so. How in the world did the Board plan to explain away any of it?

Your father had let out an aggravated sigh as you fired question after question at him. Who had taken you? What had they wanted besides money? Why hadn’t the Board met their demands? Why had it taken them so long to get the government involved?

“They weren’t involved.”

Your eyes had widened in shock. “What? How?”

Your father had taken your hand in between his and stared into your eyes with meaning. “I’m only going to mention this once and then we’re never going to speak of it again. We hired someone to send in a team to get you out of there.”

Your brows furrowed in confusion. “Hired someone? As in mercenaries?”

“Private contractors for security. They handle this type of situation quite frequently but they keep it all very hush hush. So that is why the Board is insisting on NDA’s for all of you. It’s not only to protect the brand but also to protect all of you.”

“Protect this organization they hired, you mean.”

Your father nodded, not looking troubled by your accusation in the least.

“I don’t understand, Dad. You have contacts in Defense. Why wouldn’t you call them?”

“We did. They recommended these people and said they were our best option. If we hired them, they could get in quickly and get you out. If we didn’t and chose to go through more official channels, it might prolong the process and that might be time that you didn’t have.”

You could see the wisdom in that advice he’d been given. They had been right; had they gotten there even just an hour later than they did, you might not be alive right now. “But a month, Dad? Why did they wait so long?”

Your father tightened his grip on your hand and you knew you weren’t going to like what he had to say next. “At first, we didn’t know who had taken you. When they made contact…the Board wanted to try negotiating with them first.”

You huffed out a breath in disbelief. Those sons of bitches…

“I pushed for them to do something more drastic but they fought me every step of the way. It wasn’t until they received that first video message that they finally agreed that I should make the call.” 

So your father had fought for you, but to a point. That fact rolled around in your brain for a moment. Had your roles been reversed, you would have told the Board to go screw themselves and immediately contacted whoever could rescue your father as soon as possible. No amount of money, litigation threats, or risk to the business would have stopped you. You, his only child, his only surviving family member, had been in mortal danger, and he hadn’t done everything he could to secure your safe return home as soon as possible? It was hard to wrap your mind around that. Then his last words finally registered. “Wait, what video message?”

His blue eyes softened with sympathy then and you could swear you could see a little bit of pain beginning to cloud them. “Where you were tortured.”

You should have known. Why else would your kidnappers have filmed it? Truthfully, you had known it back when they were hurting you. You shouldn’t be surprised, but you also didn’t want to talk about it. “You mean the pictures weren’t enough to convince them?” Before that first night, your kidnappers had forced you and your co-workers to look up at them as they snapped photos of you on their phones. You knew then that they were either using it as a scare tactic for your father and the Board or they were providing proof of life. Either way, it hadn’t mattered in the end since obviously the kidnappers had kicked it up a notch after that. 

A haunted look fleeted across your father’s tired face. While you may still be struggling with the idea that he hadn’t done everything you would have done in his place, you knew this had taken a toll on him. He had been genuinely concerned for you and the relief you’d seen on his expression when he saw you for the first time since you’d been separated was palpable. “When they saw the video, they could no longer pretend that this was something they could simply deal their way out of.”

Your brows drew together as you studied him. You were sure it had been hard for them to see what had happened to you, to hear your cries, your screams, your pained whimpers. You knew it must have been even more difficult for your father to see. But somehow you got the distinct impression that’s not what he was referring to. “Dad.” He glanced up at you and sure enough, you could tell he was keeping something from you. “Tell me.”

He grasped your hand tightly once more. This was definitely not going to be good. “It was bad enough to see what they did to you…but the end of the video was what convinced them.” At your knitted brow, he elaborated, “They pulled Tim out of the room they were keeping you all in, brought him somewhere, and then killed him.”

Your eyes widened and your heart stopped. What?

“And they said if they didn’t get what they wanted in three days, you were next.” 

Your heart started up again and began to pound in your chest. You felt like you were falling with no end in sight. Tim was…dead? Your breathing sped up into short pants and you could hear beeping from a machine you were connected to but it sounded so far away.

You had blocked out some of that experience, your brain subconsciously trying to protect you perhaps, you weren’t sure. And whatever memories stayed, each time they started to flash in your mind, you would close your eyes and grab hold of your safe harbor in those turbulent waves of trauma that tried to overtake you. You would think of green and while the images didn’t exactly disappear, it kept them at a safe distance. Well, while you were awake at least. The nightmares you experienced were something else entirely.

But this…nothing could protect you from this. You suddenly remembered being locked in that bedroom, hearing the yelling, the gunshot—oh God, the gunshot. You had heard the moment they— Your father urged you to calm down, rubbing your hand comfortingly, but you couldn’t hear him or even when a nurse rushed into the room to ask what was going on. Because at that precise moment, a memory came back to you, ripping your tight grip on your green harbor and tossing you back into the dark ocean of trauma and pain to drown in. 

It had been right before you’d passed out the second time. While your soldier had gotten out of the helicopter, you had glanced over to see the other helicopter that your people were disembarking from. At the time, you had been so out of it due to the pain and disorientation you had been feeling that you didn’t realize the number of people you should have been seeing was one short. You didn’t even seem to process the black bag two soldiers removed from the aircraft and carried off the tarmac together. You just knew something was wrong, something you had tried to tell your soldier before you passed out again. But now you knew exactly what you had seen.

Tim. Tim had been with you since you started in the New York office; he preceded you actually. Even though your father had chosen him to accompany you and the others, all you could remember was the nice man who had smiled and said hello as he walked into the office; the man who was quiet and reserved but also a hard worker; who had offered you his jacket to cover up with; the man who had begged the kidnappers for the photos of his kids from his wallet that they had taken and then denied him; the man who talked about his family and proudly told you all about his children. His daughter, Riley, was eight and she had recently taken up soccer. Before you’d left for Bogota, she had told him that her coach wanted her to try the goalie position but she was scared; she didn’t want balls flying at her head. You couldn’t blame her on that one and had said as much. You remembered all too well the sports you had been made to join growing up and it had never really been your thing, but it made your father happy so you did it each time he urged you to sign up or try out. Tim’s son, David, was nearly six and he had just graduated kindergarten. And the baby, Olivia, could be quite the handful since she was a very rambunctious toddler who never seemed to run out of energy, but his wife, Angela, lived up to her name and couldn’t be happier with their current family setup. And now… Now, he would never get to see any of them ever again.

The pained wail that met your ears caught you off guard until you realized it was coming from you. Tim was a good man and he had managed to make a life outside of work. He had something you had never let yourself dream about having since it would inevitably get in the way of your successful climbing of the corporate ladder. Now, he would never get to see his kids grow up, go to any more of Riley’s soccer games to encourage her, go on any more date nights with his wife — none of it. You had the horrible thought for a moment that it should have been you in that bag instead. It nearly had been you.

Your father held onto you as you wept, as the nurse rubbed your back from the opposite side of the bed, crooning soft reassurances to you and urging you to try to calm down. But nothing could reassure you; you were here and Tim was not. A cold hard fact that you could do nothing to change. Even worse, you had missed his funeral since you were stuck in the hospital you had been transferred to once you were flown from the one you had briefly ended up in down in Colombia. You hadn’t even known about his death until this moment, your suddenly resurfaced traumatic memories aside. 

Since that day, the memory of that single gunshot had tormented you. Had Tim known it was coming? Did he think about Angela and the kids right then? Had he prayed they would be okay without him? How terrified must he have been? You knew how scared you were in that bedroom, how fearful you had been during your second round of torture, sensing that this wasn’t going to end with the doctor treating you as it had the last time (which had now been confirmed that your instinct had been spot on). You could only imagine how he must have felt in that final moment.

The nightmares proceeded to get even worse and you were afraid to be left alone in your hospital room. Though your father and the medical staff had assured you that you were safe, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you weren’t, no matter how irrational you knew you were being. Eventually, your assistant Luna started working remotely from your room to keep you company and your father had hired two full-time bodyguards to watch over you: Owen during the day and Simon at night. When the nightmares became practically unbearable, that rotation switched. For some reason, you felt safer with Owen there. Perhaps it had to do with his look, specifically his salt and pepper beard…you briefly remembered the feeling of a beard underneath your bloody fingertips though you couldn’t place the face it belonged to. You had a feeling it was connected to the green you remembered, that you clung to in the tumultuous sea of mayhem that was the night you were marked to die — the green that you associated with your rescuer. Why you couldn’t recall his face, you had no idea, but you chalked it up to your brain once again trying to make sense of the chaos that reigned inside your head. 

Green continued to symbolize safety and reassurance for you. So much so that when Luna brought a bag of clothes for you to change into for your beginning rehab sessions, you immediately picked out an olive green hoodie she had selected from your closet and set it aside. You took to holding it close as you slept, letting the scent of home attached to it wash over you as you closed your eyes. When you would wake from your nightmares, sometimes gasping for air that wouldn’t come, sometimes crying, or sometimes screaming, you would see the hoodie next to you and grab it, holding it close until you could either breathe again or calm back down. It became a source of comfort for you and long remained that even after you were discharged. 

Your doctor had recommended therapy in addition to the outpatient rehab you would be continuing but truth be told, you weren’t in a rush to relive anything or even unearth something that might somehow be worse than what you already remembered. Your father had also dismissed the idea of therapy, saying that focusing on regaining your ability to walk without the assistance of crutches would help, as well as getting back to concentrating on work. You didn’t agree, you knew better, but you also allowed his view to become your excuse, solidifying your refusal to deal with the trauma you had suffered. After all, you were still here, still breathing — as long as you kept reminding yourself of that, you would be fine. 

So you did as your father insisted: you focused on your physical therapy and you slowly found your way back to working full-time. You had graduated from crutches to a cane. Your doctor said your knee was healing nicely and right on schedule, which made you glad that you had listened to him and not your father’s initial suggestion of a knee replacement. You still felt a twinge of discomfort and a whispery echo of pain when walking so you relied more heavily on the cane than your doctor or physical therapist might have liked. You may not have remembered everything from your ordeal, but the pain of the initial impact of the bat and afterwards as you were carried to a waiting helicopter to take you to safety was still a very recent and clear memory for you. You doubted you would ever forget it as long as you lived. 

Eventually, you returned to your office and you accepted the well wishes all around. You had no idea what they had been told about your obvious injury or what had caused it but thankfully, no one questioned you. You had been in brief touch with Meredith and the others in the days after your initial surgery back in Colombia but not since then. You had been so focused on your recovery and processing the news of Tim’s death that, truthfully, you hadn’t thought of much else. Even though Luna had been working from your hospital room for a time and she kept you apprised on all developments as well as anything that required your attention, you knew your father had instructed her to keep it all to a strictly need-to-know basis until you were finally ready to fully take up the mantle again. And because you were already dealing with more than enough, you allowed it and didn’t push for more than she told you. So the guilt consumed you when you were informed that Suzanne had resigned and Pat had taken an early retirement to be able to spend more time with her kids and grandkids. Rob had taken a position at another company, though Jerry and Meredith were still there. However, Meredith worked remotely most days, something she had worked out with your father while you had been out. You wondered if it might have been a result of Meredith initially refusing to sign the NDA, a sort of compromise to get her to agree to keeping your ordeal under wraps. You made a mental note to reach out to all of them so you could at least check in to see how they were doing. Jerry was in Research; you’d stop by there later.

As tough as all of that had been to learn and stepping back into the swing of things proved to be a little more complicated than you thought it would be, the most difficult moment had been when you went up to Design. Seeing Tim’s office not being Tim’s anymore had left you reeling. Your father moved fast and had hired his replacement within days. From a professional perspective, you more than understood; the business still had to run after all and Design was one of your most crucial departments. But knowing it and seeing it were two different things. The nightmares were particularly brutal that night. You kept hearing the gunshot, kept seeing one of the kidnappers with their cell phone look over at you afterwards and give you the most terrifying smile. Even the hoodie hadn’t helped. When you looked at it, you didn’t see green anymore but red. A very bold and wet shade of dark red. You tossed it away from you and screamed, bursting into sobs as you rocked yourself back and forth in a soothing motion. 

You had immediately called out sick the next morning and spent the rest of the day in bed, alternating between crying and staring blankly at the TV on the wall. Later on, when you could think clearly again, you gave yourself a stern talking to. You were here, alive, and you had hundreds of people looking to you to lead them. You refused to dishonor Tim’s memory by hiding away in your apartment for the rest of your life, no matter how appealing the option might feel. You could hear your father’s voice in your head again, pushing you, telling you to get back up and go to work, to be the best you could be.

And sure enough, you heard his voice for real the next day when he walked into your office. “What is he doing here?”

You glanced up and looked over where he was pointing to see Owen sitting in one of the chairs off to the side, watching you both. You pressed your lips together and shut the portfolio in front of you. “His name’s Owen, Dad. You know that. And he’s here because I asked him to be.”

Your father looked quite displeased with that. “I dismissed him and the other one last week. We talked about this.”

You let out a quiet sigh and sat back in your chair. “I know but—”

“It’s not a good look and it certainly isn’t good for morale. The cane you still insist on unnecessarily using is bad enough. Do you think people around here aren’t asking themselves or each other why you have this man sitting in your office, watching your every move?” 

You leaned forward and lowered your voice. “Dad, I get that. I do, but I need—”

“Is this why you called out sick yesterday?” You briefly dropped your gaze to your desk. You didn’t really want to talk about that or how despondent you’d been in your bed for hours until your alarm went off, jolting you into grabbing your phone and making the call. Your father’s eyes softened though his tone didn’t. “Honey, what you need is to dismiss him, permanently, and get back to your life, to your work. Don’t forget, you’re at the helm of this ship and everyone’s looking to you to navigate it seamlessly through the waters.”

Your jaw clenched and for the first time in your life, you were about to draw a line in the sand between what he was telling you to do and what you knew you needed to do. “I’m aware of that and I can’t steer the ship unless I feel safe. Owen here,” you nodded in the man’s direction. “Makes me feel safe. With him present, I can focus and get the job done. So, Owen is staying until I say otherwise.”

Your father’s own jaw tightened. “I’m not paying for more—”

“You’re not. I am. And believe it or not, while I’m doing what’s right for me, I’m also doing what’s right for this office, to ensure our complete success. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some reports from Research to review.” You slipped your eyeglasses back on and reopened the portfolio in front of you, scanning the contents.

You glanced up when your father stepped closer to your desk, his voice lower than before though his now angry gaze burned into you. You should have known by dismissing him in that manner after standing your ground, what it would do. “I’m going to strongly suggest that you finish up with Research and take your lunch out of the office. Perhaps outside. It’s a beautiful day and a dose of fresh air might just be what you need.” He gave you a curt nod and then swiftly left the room. Once he was gone, your shoulders deflated and you slumped back into your chair. You knew your father loved you and he only wanted the best for you, for you to succeed, but sometimes you couldn’t help but wonder if it ever came down to the choice of you or the business, who would he choose? He already chose. You blinked the rapidly forming tears in your eyes away at the thought that had popped into your head out of nowhere and carefully got to your feet, reaching for your cane. 

“Owen,” Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him immediately stand at attention. “I think we’re going to take my father’s advice. He’s right. It is a beautiful day and I would like to take full advantage of it.” He moved towards you, watching as you moved to the corner and slipped on your light coat. “I’d prefer to be anywhere that isn’t here,” you mumbled, grabbing your handbag. 

You carefully made your way across your office with Owen following right behind you, ready to assist if need be while also keeping an eye out. You called out to your assistant as you passed her by, “Luna, I’m going out for lunch today. Please hold all calls until I return.”

“Of course, Ms. Y/L/N. If Research calls while you’re out, is there anything you would like me to tell them?”

You thought it over for a moment before turning towards the elevators. “Tell them I’m still working on it. Thank you.” And for the first time since you’d started in this company, you left without getting the job done. The thought didn’t sit well with you, you had always been conditioned to complete all of the tasks set out before you, no matter how late you might have to stay to complete them. But at the same time, it oddly made you smile a little.

So here you were, in Central Park on a gorgeous fall day, having taken your father’s advice to heart. You took every single one of your lunches outdoors now unless it was raining or too cold to sit outside for long. You always marveled at the fact that you had lived in New York City for close to two years and you had never once taken the time to stop and notice what surrounded you on a daily basis. You had never taken in the present moment, never taken an opportunity just to be, to sit quietly and listen. The bench you were on by the lake had quickly become one of your favorite spots. You could relax and indulge in the art of people watching, take in all of the sounds, sights, and smells around you. Truth be told, it was the best part of your day. 

Owen stood sentry not too far from you, giving you enough space but also ready to intervene at any moment should he be needed. Despite sitting in a park in the middle of one of the most crime-ridden cities in the country, you felt beyond safe. Owen would never let anything happen to you and being in public, around people living their everyday lives…you felt the safest you had in a long time. A feeling you ended up trying to replicate by looking up Central Park ambience videos on YouTube and playing them while you fell asleep though it didn’t always manage to keep the nightmares away. But you expected that; trauma could be a real stubborn pain in the ass.

But right now, sitting here like this, you were okay. That is, until someone decided to sit down on the opposite side of the bench you were on. All of the times you had sat in this spot, you had been left alone, free to claim this bench as your own for the hour or so you’d spend here. Now, someone appeared not to have gotten the unofficial memo. Out of your peripherals, you saw Owen quickly approaching, most likely intending to tell the stranger to move to another bench, when the person glanced back at him, holding a hand up.

“Relax, man. I appreciate you looking out but I’m not here to hurt her, alright? I’m just here to talk.” The second you heard the voice, your gaze snapped over to the man across from you. You immediately recognized it; it was one you’d heard in your nightmares over and over, telling you to stay with him as you desperately clung to his hand until the kidnappers snatched you away. Was it even possible or were you just imagining this man had spoken to Owen with that voice?

When the man turned back to look at you, you recognized the green eyes immediately and a small lump began to form in your throat. Sure enough, he had a beard, one that looked startlingly familiar when you warily prodded at the memory, trying to recall it. A flash of his face, dirtier than it appeared now, popped into your mind. As if it had been patiently waiting all of this time for you to simply reach out and grab a hold of it. Tears began to burn in the corner of your eyes; it was him.

“It’s you,” you choked out in a whisper without really meaning to. 

The smile you faintly remembered graced his face. “It’s me,” he confirmed.

You stared at him, truly dumbfounded. “How?”  

“I told you I’d find you.” 

You nearly started crying when the familiar words floated up from your subconscious, the phrase you had somehow forgotten in the midst of everything. But you remembered it now, as clearly and vividly as the man sitting before you who had said it. You had been about to pass out in the makeshift surgical room, crying and holding onto him tightly, afraid to let him go. “Will I ever see you again?” “I’ll find you.” 

“I made you a promise and I intended on keeping it.” His green eyes softened slightly, much as they had all of those months ago as he caught every single tear that rolled down your cheeks as you succumbed to the drug beginning to course through your system. “I’ll find you.”

And find you he did.

A little preview of the next installment:

Still sensing your discomfort, Russell immediately lifted up and peeled his shirt off, revealing his bare skin to you for the first time. Immediately, you noticed a small bandage wrapped around his left arm.  “What happened?” You gasped, sitting up and gingerly running your fingers below the bandage line.  He shrugged and looked down at it. “Got shot on a job.” Your jaw dropped and when he glanced back up at you, he must have seen the worry that was consuming you because he immediately chuckled and affectionately cupped your chin. “I’m okay. Besides, that’s not what I wanted to show you.” He took your hand in his and moved it to his other shoulder, guiding your fingertips over skin that was jagged, puckered slightly, and silver-looking. “Shot.” He then moved your hands down his side until it reached a decent sized line that was anything but smooth. “Stabbed.” Your hands moved again to right above his abdomen. “Cut.” They moved once more and ended up on his clavicle. “Cut from an attempted stab.” You winced as he mentioned each injury he had received; they had all been the result of violent means. He moved your hands up to the upper tip of his right ear. “Bullet graze.” There was no scar there to speak of but you could see the tiniest bit of difference between his ears in that area when you looked closely.  He finally brought your hand to rest over his heart, holding it there. “Sofia.” Your brows furrowed in confusion and he smirked over at you. “Cute little waitress in Costa Rica. Gave me one hell of a weekend and then left me high and dry for some young British guy who showed up at the beach and hadn’t yet run out of money.” You scoffed and yanked your hand from underneath his, making him laugh, as you crossed your arms. He moved closer to you, cupping your cheeks and staring into your eyes. “I’m kidding about that last part. The rest, I’m not. I’ve got plenty more on my back and even a few on my legs. A couple more on my arms. We all have scars. They’re just reminders of battles we’ve fought and survived. Don’t be ashamed of yours.” A tear escaped and rolled down your cheek but his thumb caught it. He pressed his forehead against yours and murmured, “You’re beautiful.”    When he looked at you like this, spoke softly to you like this, you genuinely believed him.

A/N: Coming very soon. Please let me know if you would like to be tagged for Part 2.

Please let me know if you would like to be tagged for this character.

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July Reading Recs

To show some love and appreciation to all the amazing writers here on tumblr, here are all the fantastic fics I've read this month. 💖

Many of these fics and blogs are 18+ only, and NSFW please heed the author's individual fic warnings and requests regarding no minors. I am not responsible for your media consumption.

Reading Recs Masterlist

The Boys

Soldier Boy

G.B.A @impala-dreamer

Authors Summary: ~Spend the 4th with America's first and greatest superhero~

Fuck The Quiet Game @voxmortuus

Authors Summary: Prompt “there’s no one else here, be louder”

Every king needs a queen @thebiggerbear

Authors Summary: Homelander makes you an offer that you're all too happy to refuse.

Power Play @venus-haze

Authors Summary: So, you lost focus and had a consensual workplace relationship. It happens all the time. Maybe not quite like this.

Supernatural

Dean Winchester

Mine @hintsofhoney

Authors Summary: When Dean is forced to mark Y/N in order to not blow their cover on a case, it leads him to reveal a secret that he's been keeping since they met.

Lost & Found @luci-in-trenchcoats

Sam Winchester

Untitled drabble @supernaturalfreewill

Breathe @sams-sass

Authors Summary: What it would be like to wake up to Sam Winchester 

Too Hot @just-another-busy-fangirl

Authors Summary: A witch puts a spell on you, making your body temperature rise to dangerous degrees.  Can Sam save you?

Multi Fandom

Dean Winchester, Beau Arlen, Soldier Boy (Ben)

Headcanon: Wearing His Clothes @zepskies

Authors Summary: Headcanon: How Dean, Beau, and Soldier Boy (Ben) would react to you (getting caught) wearing his clothes.

Big Sky

Beau Arlen

S.I.N.G @zepskies

Authors Summary: Beau wishes you’d take this self-defense lesson a little more seriously.

Echoes @zepskies

Authors Summary: Beau has another rough night, but you help him face a harder truth. 

Polaris Chapter 2 @waynes-multiverse

Authors Series Summary: When Beau Arlen moved to Montana, he left behind a past he wasn’t proud of. But when a series of murders requires the FBI’s help, Sheriff Arlen‘s ghosts come back to haunt him one by one. With a wrong turn waiting at every crossroads, it’s hard to make the right choices and find his way back home – back to you.

Tracker

Russell Shaw

You're safe now. I'm here Part 1 @thebiggerbear

Authors Summary: You've been taken hostage and Russell is part of the unit sent in to retrieve you.

Colter Shaw

Bloodied Hands @marvelwitchergilmore

Authors Summary: When you get hurt on a case, Colter stays with you.

Chicago Fire

Matt Casey

It's just a headache @kitkatscabinet

Authors Summary: You wake up with a headache, you attempt to work through it. Prompt: “Sorry, I’m… I’m really dizzy.”

[truthbeetoldmedia]

The 100 6x04 "The Face Behind the Glass" Review

Many reviewers have already been singing the praises of Season 6 of The 100, and I’m here to add my voice to the chorus. It’s incredibly unusual for a show’s sixth season to still be just as good as, if not better than, its first few, but this season has already blown me away, and we’re only 4 episodes in! I could not be more intrigued by the mysteries Sanctum holds, and may or may not have already spent multiple hours theorizing about it with friends. “The Face Behind the Glass” was another terrific hour of television, written by Charmaine DeGraté and directed by Tim Scanlan!

Gabriel and his Children

The episode opens with Diyoza in the woods, building a fire. As it blazes to life, she assures her unborn daughter that she’ll teach her how to survive. Three Sanctum guards on motorcycles roar up, led by Jade, the woman responsible for protecting Rose, the nightblood child kidnapped by the Children of Gabriel. She comes with an offer: help them recover Rose and the heads of the Primes that were also taken by the Children, and Diyoza’s baby will be allowed to grow up inside the safety of Sanctum. Diyoza agrees to the deal, on one condition — she gets a motorbike too.

Back where the Children of Gabriel are camped out, one of the women, Tosh, strikes Octavia, asking her repeatedly how many more people with black blood are with the Earth people. Octavia refuses to answer, and Tosh wants to kill her as well as Rose, but Xavier tells her that “the old man” will make her talk. As the group continues to hike, Rose pleads with Octavia to answer their questions so that they don’t kill both of them. Octavia seems to have gotten attached to the child, because she assures her that she won’t let anything happen to her, and that while they might be monsters, so was she. Later, with Rose and Octavia tied to a tree, Xavier makes the mistake of leaving a knife on a backpack near Octavia, who is able to hook it with her foot and grab the knife. While the Children are distracted by another group of Children meeting up with them, Octavia and Rose make their escape.

Octavia and Rose run through the forest, but Rose is exhausted and tells Octavia she can’t run anymore. Octavia tries to motivate her by telling her that if she doesn’t run, she’ll die, but that just makes Rose burst into tears and cling to her. Octavia holds her tight, her hand cradling the back of Rose’s head just like Bellamy used to do hers, then gives her Bellamy’s patented “fear is a demon” pep talk. After Rose repeats “I’m not afraid” a few times, and the two dash off. They get surrounded by Children of Gabriel, but Jade, Diyoza, and the other guards come roaring up and quickly dispatch the kidnappers. But not before one gets off a shot at Rose, hitting her in the chest. Octavia looks on in shock as Jade cradles Rose’s body, wailing.

The Devils from Earth Become the Heroes of Sanctum

Diyoza correctly assumes that since Rose died, the deal for her child to be raised in Sanctum is off. But when Octavia mentions the leader of the Children of Gabriel, Diyoza gets an idea, and asks Jade — if she kills “the old man,” the leader of the Children of Gabriel, will the Primes honor the deal? Jade agrees, and Octavia and Diyoza gather weapons and camouflage from the bodies of the Children. Octavia already wants to kill Xavier, so Diyoza tells her, “looks like you’ve got a partner.” This is a team-up I’ve been hoping for since the two spoke on the Eligius ship in the Season 5 finale, and I’m really hopeful that Diyoza can pull Octavia back from the darkness. Octavia needs someone who won’t stand for any nonsense and can hold their own in a snark-off. I also find it interesting that Octavia refuses to tell the Children whether or not there are more nightbloods. Is this just out of stubbornness and refusal to help the enemy, or did Bellamy’s actions jolt her to her senses and make her realize that she needs to do better? She seems thoroughly shaken by Rose’s death, and I wonder if it might help her understand where Bellamy was coming from all those years.

Inner Sanctum

Back in Sanctum, Simone is trying to convince Russell to cancel Naming Day. She points out that the fact that the Children had sketches of Rose and Delilah and knew where to go to kidnap them means that they have spies inside Sanctum. She’s worried that they’ll use the distraction of Naming Day to strike again. She asks Russell to cancel the ceremony, saying, “Priya can wait.” Russell answers, “Would you say that if it was Josephine? If we cancel, Gabriel wins.”

In her room above the tavern, Delilah gets ready for her Naming Ceremony, Jordan in bed behind her. (Side note: how is it humanly possible to have an eight pack while propped up in bed?!) Jordan tells Delilah that his parents would have loved it there in Sanctum, and Delilah encourages him to unburden — Naming Day is a day to make amends for the things they feel guilty for. He tells Delilah about his childhood, wishing desperately to meet the people in the cryo pods, but they were just faces behind glass. Then he decided to go into cryosleep, and he became the face behind the glass to his parents, and he feels guilty for being happy here without them. Delilah thinks that they should take happiness while they can, and starts taking her dress off again. Who cares if she’s late to her Naming Ceremony — making amends is what the day is all about, right?

Downstairs, everyone is scurrying around making preparations for the celebration. Delilah’s father offers Madi a cookie (that looks suspiciously like a Keebler Fudge Striped Shortbread cookie), and tells her and Clarke that they and their people are the guests of honor. Jordan and Delilah come downstairs to applause, and Delilah makes a beeline to Clarke, embracing her and thanking her for saving her life. And isn’t it so nice to see Clarke be appreciated? She’s incredibly selfless, but gets little recognition for it. Cillian, the doctor that treated Murphy in the last episode, calls Delilah and Clarke over for a checkup. Delilah gets a clean bill of health, and Cillian tells her that after tonight, it’ll be like the kidnapping never happened at all. Delilah skips off, and Cillian turns his attention to Clarke. Despite her protests, he insists on checking the wound across her palm from the kidnapper’s knife — Abby made him promise he would. He flirts with her for a bit as he checks the wound, then advises her to keep the wound covered — if anyone finds out she has black blood, they’ll worship her.

As he walks away, Madi comes up to Clarke, knowingly saying, “He’s cute.” She then asks if this is what it’ll be like from now on, and Clarke says, “Why not? I think we deserve a fresh start, don’t you?” Way to jinx things, Clarke. Madi then asks if she can go to school, and despite lamenting that she hadn’t been able to a few episodes earlier, Clarke says no. She can’t risk anyone finding out that Madi is a nightblood, and besides, Madi chose the Flame over being a normal kid. Clarke reminds Madi that she can still take the Flame out, but Madi refuses, so Clarke reminds her that being the Commander comes with responsibilities, and she wants Madi to keep working at mastering the Flame so that Sheidheda doesn’t become a problem. Clarke sends Madi off to the ship to train with Gaia, and as Bellamy, Echo, Jordan, and Raven join Clarke, Raven wants them all to go to the ship too, where Miller, Jackson, Murphy, and Emori are, instead of to the celebration. Jordan panics a little, because he really wants to go to his first dance. Clarke points out that they’re guests of the Primes, and that it would be rude to isolate themselves on the ship. (Did this remind anyone else of when Clarke told Bellamy in Season 2 that they couldn’t think of things as “our side” and “their side” now that they were allied with the grounders?) Raven heads for the bar, and everyone else follows Delilah to the courtyard in front of the palace.

A crowd has gathered in front of the palace balcony, where Russell, Simone, Kaylee, and Miranda stand. Russell speaks into a microphone, welcoming everyone to Naming Day. He then asks the crowd to name the four pillars of Sanctum, and as they chant, “repent, renew, rejoice, rebirth,” Bellamy, Echo, and Clarke exchange uneasy glances. Russell tells the people that today they’ll be welcoming back their beloved Priya, and they all respond with “hallowed be her name.” Definitely looking more and more cultish. Russell announces that he will begin the process of making amends, and he turns to Kaylee. He tells her that he failed to keep her and her family safe when he realizes that she and her family didn’t make it to Ryker’s Keep before the eclipse. (Side note, remember the name Ryker; it’ll come up again.) “I closed the door,” he says. “I kept it open as long as I could, until the life of everyone else was at risk.” Does this sound like anyone else you know? Multiple times?

“Make amends for those you’ve hurt.”

Russell prompts everyone to turn to their neighbor and tell them that they love them, and make amends with those they’ve hurt. Clarke leaves the crowd and finds Raven in the tavern. Raven is still furious with Clarke because of her actions on Earth, namely that she didn’t know of Spacekru’s plan to help Octavia win the valley, so she sided with McCreary, and then turned in Raven, Echo, and Shaw to keep Madi safe. When Clarke approaches Raven at the bar, Raven knows why she’s there, and already has her defenses up. But rather than getting defensive and justifying her actions (which were completely justified in my opinion), she simply apologizes for all the hurt she’s caused Raven. It’s really hard to apologize without justifying your actions, especially when you have such a strong motive in saving your child’s life, but as we’ve seen in the past 3 episodes, Clarke is determined to live out Monty’s last wish for them and do better, be better. She stands silently, tears welling up, as Raven accuses her of being just as bad as Octavia, of only pretending to regret the bad outcomes of her choices, then angrily storms off. I’ll be honest, I’m really tired of Raven’s attitude toward her the last couple seasons, when Raven hasn’t had to make any huge, impossible decisions like Clarke.

The next part of the celebration involves writing your sins on strips of cloth and tying them to paper lanterns to be sent up into the sky. We finally get to see Bellamy and Clarke address her leaving him in Polis — and not for the last time, if the trailer is any indication. Clarke hesitantly approaches Bellamy, I’m sure still stinging from Raven’s attacks, and admits to him that her greatest regret was leaving him in Polis. He doesn’t want to talk about it, but Clarke presses on, her voice wavering.

“What I did — leaving you like that — I’m so sorry, Bellamy.”

“I know what it’s like to risk everything for one person. And I know Madi’s your family.”

“Hey. You’re my family too. I lost sight of that. But I promise I will never forget it again. You’re too important to me.”

This conversation felt like so many fanfictions I’ve read, and it was so gratifying. Bellamy and Clarke will always be the most important relationship on the show, and the show is always at its best when the two are working together, so I really appreciate that this season is taking time to give the characters space to breathe and interact in deeper, more meaningful ways.

Clarke asks Bellamy if he’s going to try sending up his regrets with a lantern, but he says he has too many sins that would weigh the lantern down. “Octavia?” Clarke asks, but Bellamy isn’t ready to talk about it, and says, “No more amends today.”

Fights with Cranky Engines

Raven finds the mechanic’s shop in Sanctum, and in it, a man named Ryker, working on a motorcycle. (Remember when I told you to remember the name “Ryker’s Keep”?) It’s his mother’s, and he’s getting it tuned up for her, but having trouble. Raven’s eager to get back to her mechanic roots, so offers to help him out, introducing herself as Raven.

“Omen of death, cool.”

“Actually, that’s a misconception.”

“I hope so.”

Now, I don’t know that this “omen of death” comment was significant or foreshadowing, but I wouldn’t be surprised with this show, so take that as you will. Raven and Ryker definitely have a spark between them, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they end up hooking up in the near future.

Later, Raven, sporting her signature ponytail once again, gets the motorcycle running. Ryker comes down the stairs all dressed up, confessing to Raven that he’s not just a mechanic, he’s also a Prime who’s late for the Naming Ceremony. He asks Raven to go riding with him sometime, then invites her to come with him to the ceremony. It’s unclear whether she goes with him, because he’s standing up with the rest of the Primes when it’s time for Delilah’s renaming.

Now Clarke gets another costume change, just in time for the Naming Day party. She looks over the sea of people and colored lights, stunning in a deep blue dress, and Cillian drags her, laughing, onto the dance floor. Clarke finally lets herself relax and enjoy herself, and sways, twirls, and laughs with the man, while Bellamy looks on, somewhere between being jealous and being glad to see her happy. And can we take a moment to notice the lyrics of the song playing while she dances? (Bracketed lines were cut, and you may notice that the CW’s captions on the episode have incorrect lyrics due to the vocalist mumbling. The song is Underwater by RÜFÜS DU SOL.)

Seaside

[I’m running around looking for peace of mind

So come out and change me]

You were always around to make me smile

Stuck underwater, I’m stuck underwater

And I just need some space, my friend

It’s not what you wanted, it’s not what you wanted

But I just need a change again

Help me out before I drown

Save me now, before I give up

Help me out before I drown

Not to look at everything through Bellarke-colored glasses, but… the lyrics combined with Bellamy wistfully watching Clarke aren’t exactly subtle.

A Face Behind the Glass

After dancing (and smooching) it up at the party, Jordan and Delilah head up a group of people headed for the same courtyard in front of the palace once again. Delilah pulls away from Jordan, and approaches the group of Primes standing in front of a large door on the lower level of the palace. Russell tells Delilah that she has been chosen, like each of them, to receive the “great miracle of Sanctum.” He asks if she accepts this honor, and she assents. He then asks her to come forward to be so named, and Delilah hesitates. She starts forward, then turns and rushes back to Jordan, kissing him, and whispering, “Don’t let me be a face behind the glass.” Jordan is confused, but before he can respond, Delilah heads back toward the door with the Primes.

When Delilah comes back out, she’s wearing a new dress, and has a glamorous new hairstyle and makeup. She looks coolly upon Jordan as he greets her, and royal guards move to block him from approaching her. She hugs Ryker, saying, “my beautiful baby boy,” and we realize that this isn’t Delilah any longer, but that Priya has somehow possessed her body.

An Hour Before the Devil Fell

Clarke has other things on her mind than the Naming Ceremony. Specifically, Cillian. The two stumble into Cillian’s room after the dance, kissing urgently. Cillian helps relieve Clarke of her beautiful blue dress, then things fade to black, as the next we see them, Cillian is standing at the window, while Clarke sleeps behind him. Clarke wakes, then wraps a sheet around herself and joins him at the window. We see that the walls of his room are papered with sketches; he’s a fellow artist too. “God, it’s beautiful here,” she marvels. But Cillian responds, “Until an hour before the Devil fell, God thought him beautiful in heaven.” A line from The Crucible, Cillian tells her, Gabriel’s favorite play. But the Primes banned that play. Clarke asks what the quote means, and Cillian says, “I suppose it means that there’s two sides to every story.” He elaborates that not everyone in Sanctum believes in the divinity of the Primes, and we begin to realize that he’s the spy for the Children of Gabriel.

Before he can explain further, Delilah comes out of the palace, and Clarke wants to see the rest of the ceremony. But as she zips her dress up, she notices a sketchbook with a page sticking out of it. She pulls it out to see a page covered with sketches of the people from Earth, with a few faces crossed out, and Clarke’s circled. Cillian tries to explain it away, but Clarke knows that something isn’t right. She rightly guesses that the reason her drawing is circled is because she’s a nightblood, and Cillian wants to know who else in the group is. She tells him that she’s the only one, and tries to get around him, but Cillian doesn’t believe her, and tells her that he’s not the one she needs to be afraid of. He still refuses to let her through the door, so she heads for the window, and he picks up a blow gun and hits her with a paralytic dart. As Cillian carries Clarke to the bed, he tells her that she’ll be fine once he gets her to the Children of Gabriel. He assures Clarke that the Children won’t hurt her, and applies a gel that he hopes will allow him to pass through the radiation field. If his death can put an end to the Primes, it will be worth it. Luckily, or unluckily, depending on how you look at it, Clarke knocked over a wine glass as she fell, and guards burst through the door. Cillian grabs a knife, prepared to kill Clarke to keep the Primes from having another host, but the guards stop him. Rather than letting them interrogate him, Cillian growls “death to Primes” and slits his own throat, collapsing as Clarke’s paralyzed eyes watch in horror.

I wonder if Cillian really thought that the Children of Gabriel wouldn’t harm Clarke, despite her black blood, or if he was just a really convincing liar. It seems clear that his plan was to tell Clarke about the whole power structure of Sanctum and ideally have her come to the conclusion that the Primes were bad on her own, but he got really sloppy and left his creepy nightblood-vs-red blood checklist laying around. And this show rarely introduces something like that gel without using it again, so be on the lookout for that.

An Echo in the Dark

Echo approaches Bellamy at the party, and noticing the look on his face, asks what’s wrong. He tells her that the last time he was at a party, his sister got arrested (which isn’t even true, he’s been to at least two since then!). Echo responds that if he’s going to tear himself apart over leaving Octavia, they should go get her. Bellamy tells her that he’s not tearing himself apart, he’s mourning her. “This is me being human — feeling things when people I love are in trouble or die. The Echo I knew on the Ring did that. Why don’t you?” Echo counters that this isn’t about her, but Bellamy points out that they lost Monty and Harper three days ago, and she’s shown no emotion or response to the loss of two members of their family. He ends the conversation with a biting remark that it’ll take him a little while to feel nothing over Octavia, like a good Azgeda spy, and Echo leaves.

After the Naming Ceremony, Bellamy finds Echo in the tavern, drinking. He joins her at the table, and apologizes for taking his feelings about Octavia out on her. Echo tells him that she does miss Monty and Harper, even though she might not show it. “I know,” Bellamy responds, and when Echo shakes her head, he repeats it more firmly. “I know.” “You were right,” Echo tells Bellamy. “I feel myself closing down again.”

“Of course you are. We’ve been fighting to survive since the moment we left the ring.”

“I’ve been fighting to survive all my life. I was eight when Queen Nia’s army took our land. My father resisted. They killed him while my mother hid with me in the cellar. ‘If you cry, they’ll hear you,’ she said. So I didn’t.”

“You told me you didn’t remember your parents.”

“Best way to get rats out of their hole? Start a fire. I remember the way it smelled. The wood. The smoke. Her hair.” Echo’s voice cracks and tears spill over. She continues, “When Nia heard what happened, she executed the men who did it, had me brought to Troit, and started my training.”

Bellamy comes to sit closer to Echo, saying, “I hate that that happened to you. But everything we’ve been through has brought us here. From now on, we look forward, not back.”

Echo nods, breathing deeply, and the two kiss.

I was really glad to see that argument between the two play out, because Bellamy was right — we haven’t seen much of any emotion or depth to Echo this season, or even last season. And finally we get some backstory for Echo, after 2 full seasons of being a major character. The scene where she talks about her parents is legitimately the first time since Season 2 ended where I actually found myself invested in Echo as a character. She’s been little more than a cardboard cutout of a “badass” warrior woman whose only job is to be snarky and swing swords around, and it sucks because there was so much cool potential for her. She has truly been an echo, not a fleshed-out character, and I’m glad to see that the writers recognize that, and am hopeful they’ve done and will do better at giving her more depth instead of just being a prop for Bellamy. I’ll be honest, I’ve never been much of a fan of Echo or her relationship with Bellamy, but I’m so hopeful for the writers to make her an interesting character, develop her own identity beyond Bellamy. I want her to be someone I can like, and based on the way things are going, and what has been said about her backstory reveals this season, that might actually happen!

The only thing I didn’t like about these scenes was that Echo made Bellamy’s grief over Octavia about her. Of course it wasn’t great of Bellamy to lash out at Echo, but instead of holding space for him to work through his incredibly complicated relationship with his sister, who Echo has been pushing him to reconcile with since the beginning of the season, she talks about her own tragic backstory. The moment when Bellamy is dealing with this isn’t the moment to reveal to him that you’ve been lying to him about your past for years. And I can’t imagine what kind of relationship the two had on the Ring that Echo never felt like she could tell Bellamy about what happened to her parents. Yes, she is a private person, but who are you going to share that with if not your significant other? Revealing her Tragic Backstory in the moments that should have been saved for Bellamy to work through his feelings about Octavia felt a bit cheap.

On a totally different note, did anyone else catch that the Azgeda capital was named Troit? As in, De-troit?

Hallowed Be Her Name

Finally, we rejoin Clarke, still paralyzed, being carried by a royal guard, accompanied by Russell, into the same room on the ground floor of the palace that Delilah entered for her renaming. This time we get to see what’s inside, from Clarke’s point of view. She is laid on a table in the center of a circular room, with rows of skeletons circling the table like spokes on a wheel. We know from the script excerpt the writers posted that there are 12 rows of them, for 12 Primes. A ramping solo cello plays as Clarke looks frantically about the room. Simone is already in the room, and after dismissing the guard, Russell tells her that Cillian was the traitor. Simone asks why he hasn’t used the antidote for the paralytic on Clarke yet, and Russell, touching Simone’s necklace, tells her that she knows why. “She has the blood. Tell me not to do this, and I won’t, Simone.” Simone tells him that Jade has returned, and Rose is dead. “Okay,” Russell says, desperation tingeing his voice. “Here’s the math. There are no more hosts. It was 14 years between Rose and Delilah — 14 years. Josie’s still 3rd in line — that means her host won’t be born for, at best, 35 years. Another 21 until her brain is ready. We can wait 56 years for our baby girl’s Naming Day, or we can get her back tonight. All we have to do is kill this innocent girl.”

Simone opens the locket around her neck, revealing a Flame-like chip inside, and we hear the bells and synth associated with both the City of Light and the Flame as Clarke puts the pieces together. “I’ll prep for insertion. You clear the host,” Simone says. The cello grows more and more frenzied as Russell apologizes to Clarke for what he’s about to do to her. Tears fall from Clarke’s eyes, and Russell assures her that she won’t feel any pain. “The mind of the host is erased, but the brain is left unharmed. You’re giving us such a gift, Clarke. Sacrificing your body so that someone else might live.” Simone wonders at the perfect timing, that after 236 years, as the Primes are on the brink of extinction, a perfect host arrives on their doorstep. Russell injects Clarke in the neck with a large syringe, then says, “No more fighting, Clarke. You’ll be at peace. A better place, just like you said you wanted.” He kisses Clarke’s forehead as her consciousness, and our screens, fades to black.

We start to see blurry shapes and hear muted conversation, Simone saying that Clarke’s brain function was starting to return. As things sharpen, we jump outside her body to see Clarke sit bolt upright, screaming. It seems Josephine’s consciousness resumed right as where it ended, with Josephine falling (remember, Russell told Clarke his daughter had died in a fall). Josephine calms down, looking relieved to see her parents there with her. Simone pulls Clarke’s hair (or is it Josephine’s? How long does someone have to inhabit a body before the body becomes their own?) away from Josephine’s neck to check her sutures, and we see a familiar incision at the base of her skull. Josephine slides off the table, and walks to a large mirror to check out her new habitance. Eliza Taylor truly kills this scene, because while it’s the same face we’ve been watching on our screens for 6 years, Josephine looks nothing like Clarke. In fact, her expressions are exactly like the original Josephine’s, who we met in a flashback in episode 6x02. Josephine surveys her new body, twirling her hair around her finger the same way she did 236 years ago. “Now, this I can work with,” she says, smirking.

Final Thoughts

Many people in the fandom had hypothesized after last week’s episode that Clarke would become the new host for Josephine, but I don’t think any of us were prepared for how brutal it actually was. They wiped Clarke’s brain, you guys. Now, of course, we all know there’s very little chance that our heroes won’t find a way to get her back, but even that slight possibility is terrifying. Clarke has had both the Flame and ALIE’s chip in her head, so I wonder if there’s still some aspects of that code that remained in her mind and will protect her consciousness. The Flame protected Clarke in the City of Light, after all. Another possibility, one alluded to by Gaia, is that there might still be a copy of Clarke’s consciousness on the Flame, that they might have to download into Clarke. This would mean that the “new” Clarke would be the one that went into the City of Light at the end of Season 3, which would mean that the Clarke from the past 2 seasons would be erased. (Shoutout to my friend April for thinking of that one!) It would certainly be a bold move. It would also explain why we see Clarke back in Mount Weather in the season trailer — the consciousness in the Flame could be reliving her worst moments and hardest decisions over and over again. Or Josephine’s consciousness could put Clarke’s in there, sort of like a mind palace, to keep her from breaking through. So many possibilities!

I really hope that our heroes are able to recover Delilah, too, and I loved that her way of warning Jordan that something was off and asking him to save her was by referencing the conversation they had earlier in the episode. Jordan of course didn’t know at the time what she meant, but between the way “Delilah” acted when she came back out of the palace and now Clarke having been taken over by Josephine, I’m sure he’ll put it together. Clarke and Delilah have both become faces behind the glass — it looks like it’s still them walking around, but you can’t talk to them, just like Jordan couldn’t talk to all the people in cryosleep. I don’t have much hope for Delilah’s consciousness, though, unfortunately — Jordan is jumping right into losing people he loves.

Who is Gabriel? We know that the doctor who the original Josephine was hooking up with was named Gabriel, and can extrapolate that he’s who the Children of Gabriel are named after, but since the Children are so vehemently opposed to the Primes and everything they stand for (for example, implanting their consciousness into host bodies so they can live forever), it seems unlikely that Gabriel has been transferring his consciousness from host to host. But we know based on the script that the writers released that Gabriel created the serum the Primes inject the hosts with to wipe their minds, though it took him over 20 years. So Gabriel was still on Russell’s side after the first eclipse and Russell’s massacre, for over 20 years. I wonder what made him change his mind and break off from the Primes?

The Children of Gabriel that we see in the forest also seem to be separated from Gabriel in some way, because last week they said things about “the old man” (also the descriptor Russell and Simone used for Gabriel) coming back to them. Strangely, however, the Children of Gabriel always refer to him as “the old man.” I’m intrigued to find out who or what Gabriel is, and how he’s survived this long. One of the Children mentions that if they want to speak to “the old man,” they’ll have to go into the anomaly, which is one of the things I’ve been most curious about since seeing the season trailer. There is some sort of glowing green storm or aurora on planet Alpha that we see a few times in the trailer, but we have no idea what it is or what it does. I have a few theories of my own (maybe time moves more slowly inside it, hence why Gabriel could be 260 years old without being a Prime?), and I’m excited to find out if I’m right!

Sundry Observations

I loved the moment of Diyoza talking to her unborn child, assuring her that she’ll teach her how to survive.

It cracks me up how the Children of Gabriel greet one another with “death to Primes” and say goodbye by saying “death is life.”

When Josephine wakes up, it’s in the same way as when Murphy woke up after “dying.”

It was so cute how Jordan put his hands over Madi’s ears when Raven insinuated that he’d been having sex! Such a big brother moment.

The music in the scene where they were all prepping for the party was so sweet, it reminded me a lot of the hopeful, wide-eyed music in Season 3 when Kane and Abby were at the party.

I’m glad Abby is getting a chance to learn more about their medical stuff, I’m sure that’ll be helpful in the event they do have to leave Sanctum.

Echo’s line, “Murphy missing the chance to act like a drunken fool? Now I’m worried” made me laugh. And I have no idea what’s going on with that guy — he’s had near-death experiences before and never became a reformed man.

I’m loving all the new music for Planet Alpha, particularly how it mingles with the Bellarke scene during the scene where Clarke apologizes to Bellamy, and the solo violin behind Russell’s speech about making amends.

I’m really glad to find that the Children of Gabriel aren’t nearly as primitive as the grounders — it didn’t make narrative sense for civilization to have devolved so quickly, and we didn’t need a repeat of that.

The 100 airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on the CW.

[thebiggerbear]

Russell Shaw Prompt Responses List

"You're safe now. I'm here." (Parts 1 & 2) - You’ve been taken hostage and Russell is part of the unit sent in to retrieve you.

Please let me know if you would like to be tagged for this character.

dividers by @firefly-graphics

[thebiggerbear]

"What do you see in him?" "Everything you don't." - Soldier Boy Prompt Response

Summary: Hughie and everyone don't understand what you see in Soldier Boy but they also haven't seen what you've seen: Ben.

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Female!Supe!Reader

A/N: This is part of the Soldier Boy/Beau Arlen/Dean Winchester/CJ Braxton/Alec McDowell/Jason Teague/Tom Hanniger/Russell Shaw/Boaz Priestly/Jake Gray/Jensen Ackles RPF prompt response project I've been working on the last month (previewed here). This idea immediately popped into my head for it.

All unbeta'd.

Warnings: language; implied past sexual assault (not SB); mentions of implied drug use; mentions of violence; mentions of death

Word Count: 2199

Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187; @rieleatiel; @hobby27; @impala67rollingthroughtown

Soldier Boy Taglist: @birdiellie; @heartlessdelusions; @brightlilith; @muhahaha303; @just-levyy; @solacedthistest; @deansimpala; @foxyjwls007; @onlyangel-444; @faephoria; @believeinthefireflies95

Jensen Taglist: @samanddeaninatrenchcoat; @deansbbyx; @lyarr24; @bts24; @deans-spinster-witch; @rebel-paladin; @nancymcl

Beau Arlen | Dean Winchester | CJ Braxton | Jake Gray | Jason Teague | Boaz Priestly | Russell Shaw | Tom Hanniger | Jensen Ackles RPF | Alec McDowell

Once MM stormed out of the room, followed by a glaring Butcher, Annie, Kimiko, and Hughie descended on you. Frenchie stayed in the corner, beyond shocked — so shocked he forgot to puff away at his still burning cigarette.

“Seriously?” Annie spat angrily.

Hughie looked more disappointed than pissed off at you, and that somehow bothered you more than Annie’s fury ever could have. “Y/N, you’ve got to explain this one to me. I don’t…” He took a deep breath and began again. “The guy’s a fossil. A racist, homicidal, perverted piece of shit fossil.” Hughie placed his hands on his hips. “What do you even see in the guy?”

Kimiko furiously signed a repeat of the question.

You knew Hughie was right. Soldier Boy had done a lot of fucked up shit — shit that wasn’t forgivable in any way, shape, or form. But you also knew Ben, the man underneath all of that asinine machismo and false bravado. You’d seen glimpses of him here and there when no one else had, when Ben himself hadn’t even known you had. It also didn’t hurt that you’d seen memories of his childhood play in his mind or saw flashes of his strained relationship with his father — the man he could never live up to or gain his approval, no matter how hard he tried. There was a lot swimming underneath the surface of that green suit, under that indestructible skin, that had gotten corrupted and then shaped by easy fame, a greedy corporation, and more drugs than any person should have coursing through their system on a daily basis, even a Supe. All of it was certainly no excuse for the things he’d done, but you knew there was more to him than who he’d been, who he was now even — you’d literally seen it.

So you looked your oldest friend in the eye and spoke as honestly as you could. “Everything you don’t,” you told him quietly before walking out of the room in the opposite direction MM and Butcher had gone in. You came to a stop outside the door when you saw Ben standing there, his green eyes watching you sharply. 

He had obviously heard every word and while it wasn’t exactly something you wanted him to find out, you refused to act embarrassed or caught out. So you stuck your chin up a little higher, daring him to say something he would end up regretting should he piss you off.

“You saw a lot more than you let on when they had you do a read on me after pulling me out of the tube.” Not a question but a statement, one that didn’t contain any traces of surprise.

He was right; you had seen plenty — some things you’d rather forget. But you had meant what you said to Hughie just before, to Butcher and the team before that. There was more to him than the green suit, than the America’s Son bullshit facade, and even the horrible things he had done in his time. There was something there worth trying to extricate, to let see the light of day that hadn’t in a very long time. 

You didn’t respond to what he’d said; you had no need to. You only watched him as he watched you.

Ben took a few wary steps forward until he was right in front of you. He carefully reached out a hand to your cheek, laying his fingers along your skin when he saw that you didn’t immediately pull away from him. 

“So,” he started, his voice a little more gravelly than usual as he spoke quietly to you, only for your ears and his. He tenderly ran his thumb near the corner of your mouth. “I matter to you, huh?”

When you thought he was indeed making fun of you as he thought he might, echoing your words back to you, you noticed a small smile forming on his face as his eyes roamed over yours. You had seen plenty of smiles from the man since you’d first seen him a couple of months ago or so — mostly smug smirks or leering grins, usually aimed at everyone but you — but you had never seen this one before. It caught you off guard so much, you were captivated. “You know you do,” you murmured. 

He stared at you for a moment, glancing between you and your mouth, and then slowly leaned in. When his lips gently connected to yours, you felt an immediate electric shock travel through your system. So much so that you started seeing images playing behind your eyelids that weren’t your own. 

…Him listening to you and Hughie bicker in the next room about which Billy Joel song was the best (We Didn’t Start the Fire for you and Pressure for him) and how he smiled to himself when you told Hughie in a playful tone to suck it when the little whiny bitch tried to show you what the critics helmed the better song. 

…Ben getting angry when some piece of shit Supe had the balls to put his hand on your ass at Herogasm — a hand he immediately crushed.

…Him surreptitiously studying each interaction between you and Butcher, noting the hostility but begrudging respect between you, wondering if there was a story there and if there was, how he planned to convince you that he was the better man for you compared to the backstabbing Brit.

…Him rushing to protect you with his shield when one of Homelander’s team of misfits you didn’t see coming nearly killed you with a massive blow. You felt the rage coursing through his veins when he noticed a small trickle of blood coming from a wound near your scalp as you glanced up at him gratefully. Most of the Supes you had engaged had died that day and now you knew exactly why.

…Ben watching you out of the corner of his eye when you stood at the window, arms crossed and ominously silent, after MM had mentioned The Deep while planning on how to take out Homelander. He waited until everyone had cleared out, even Hughie who had squeezed your shoulder as he passed you by, and Ben carefully approached you from behind, torn between wanting to pull you back into his large frame to cage you protectively in his arms or to ask what was the matter. He had ended up going with the latter and you simply said “Kevin’s not a good person” and walked away, your shoulders a little more sunken down than he’d ever seen them. You felt his resolve from that moment and now knew why he had gone after The Deep with such a laser focus before even bothering with Homelander. 

…You reassuring him when he suddenly woke from a sound sleep, gasping and wide-eyed, as his chest began glowing — a result of him not self-medicating nearly as much as he used to. He had wanted you to feel safe around him so he’d cut back on the Bennies, the reefer, the booze, and even the women. He would never admit it out loud but he cared deeply about what you thought. Unbeknownst to you at the time, when you had first seen inside his head, he had gotten a glimpse inside of yours, too. And what he had seen…he wanted to be a man worthy of you. Or at least try his best. You were everything he hadn’t even known he wanted until that moment. So he had made a valiant effort to kick the drug and alcohol habit to the side but it didn’t come without consequences for him. Ben had dreamt he was back in Russia, stuck in a box as they poked and prodded at him, laughing and telling him he would never be free and he would never see anyone again. When he heard your voice telling him he was safe, he grasped for you and you let him, even though he felt you tense up at his greedy touch. “Sorry,” he gruffed out and immediately released you, worried he had either hurt you without meaning to or had made you uncomfortable in his bid to make sure you were real. “It’s okay,” you whispered, picking up his hand and placing it in between both of yours. “I’m right here. You’re safe.” When he felt your thumb tenderly swiping over his knuckles in reassuring strokes, he rasped out, “Did you see?” Instead of answering, you reached up to lay a hand against his cheek. “You’re home now and you’re never going back.” Your words were a fiery promise enforced by the steely resolve in your eyes. “I won’t let you.” He gently held his hand over yours and the glow in his chest receded; he believed you.

…Him watching you as you slept on the opposite end of the couch. You mumbled and sighed a lot in your sleep and it fascinated him. Earlier, when you had found the show he wanted, he had asked you to sit and watch with him, just in case he didn’t understand any of the references. You had obliged and promptly drifted off two episodes in. To Ben, it was a huge ego boost; you felt safe and comfortable enough around him that you could fall asleep near him. As he watched you, hearing your sounds, he really wanted to know what you were dreaming about, especially when your brows knit together and you let out a terrified whimper. He had picked you up without waking you and held you close to him. “You’re okay, doll,” he promised in a soothing murmur to your hairline. “I’ve got you and nothing is going to happen. I won’t let it.” He heard you inhale deeply and then release a contented sigh a moment later. You relaxed in his arms, curling into him, and he stayed like that the entire night: holding you as he watched episode after episode of Friends, something he had only picked because he thought you might like it enough to agree when he planned to ask you to stay. As much as he enjoyed the sound of your voice when you patiently explained things to him, the night turned out even better than he dared to hope, especially when you subconsciously buried your face into his neck and stayed cocooned there. Only when he heard you beginning to stir back into consciousness hours later did he gently place you back in the spot you fell asleep in, pretending not to notice when you fully woke up, opening one sleepy eye to find him in front of you. He shrugged off your apology and glanced over to find you softly smiling at him, causing a strange twinge to happen inside his chest, something reminiscent of when the nuclear reactor inside of him went off but far less dangerous…and much more pleasant.

The images faded as he slowly pulled back a few inches, his green gaze staring deeply into yours. “Was that okay?”

You slowly nodded, still beyond shocked not only at what you had seen or how gentle the kiss had been, but also the sensations it had caused to sweep through you — things you were pretty sure you’d never feel in your lifetime. Hints of desire and a lightness whispered throughout your body as another stronger emotion gained a foothold and blanketed your entire being. Whereas it might have frightened you before, it didn’t now. You knew you were safe, protected, and after this kiss, you now also knew you were cherished to a certain extent.  

Almost as if he knew what you were thinking, fleeting relief gave way to a small smile on his face and he tenderly placed his thumb on your chin. “Good. Because you matter to me, too.”  

You couldn’t help but smile in return, seeing his eyes light up, and you gently framed his face in your hands. You stood on the tips of your toes and pressed your lips to his again, eager to see more as he willingly put his guard down to let you completely in. You also wanted to experience that rush of sensations again with him and this time when he wrapped his arms around you to carefully hold you against him, you buried your fingers into his hair and only deepened the kiss. It wasn’t Soldier Boy who was kissing you back and whose thumb tenderly brushed against your jawline; it was Ben — the very Ben you’d seen hidden underneath all of the layers of toxic masculinity, simmering rage, and the Supe tamping down the man with years of drug use, womanizing, and an overinflated ego. And from the images and thoughts swimming in your mind that didn’t belong to you, your Ben by all accounts. Something that sadly Hughie and the rest would never understand or even be willing to try. But as Ben soundly kissed you, when he broke away to let you catch your breath and placed his forehead against yours, tenderly rubbing strands of your hair that had come loose between his fingertips, you found that part didn’t really bother you all that much.

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[thebiggerbear]

"You're safe now, I'm here." - Soldier Boy Prompt Response

Summary: Soldier Boy has been on a ton of dangerous missions in his time, fought a lot of battles, but never did he imagine he would be undertaking the one you had just tasked him with. Shit.

A/N: This is a prompt from @sydnee-kom-spacekru. A sort of sequel to the prompt response for "Sleep. I'll keep you safe." Been working on this since January 3rd. I had way too much fun with this one.

Happy Mother's Day to all of the mothers out there, all of the fur baby mamas, and all those who celebrate!

@deans-spinster-witch this is what popped into my head when you said "dangerous mission" lol. Once it was in there, I couldn't get it out. I hope it's decent and that you like it.

Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine.

Warnings: Soldier Boy being himself; some misogyny; some homophobic language; some antiquated thinking (SB); angst; a lot of mentions of shit (yes, literal shit); language (I guess?); some smut; mention of breeding kink; a bit of a lactation kink (I know they did the Coke and milk thing in the show but you can't tell me he wouldn't have at least been on the verge of this kink if the opportunity arose)

Word Count: 11k+

Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187; @rieleatiel

SB Taglist: @deans-spinster-witch; @birdiellie; @heartlessdelusions; @nancymcl; @brightlilith; @muhahaha303; @just-levyy

“You’re safe now, I’m here.”

SDV Leah version ✨ Russell Shaw version 1 & 2 ✨

Ben let out an aggravated sigh for what felt like the fortieth time and turned back to the table, his nose wrinkled. He glanced down and saw his daughter’s wide eyes watching him as she kicked her little legs, slobbering all over the fingers of one hand she had in her mouth. He made a face and shook his head, remembering when he told her “You’re lucky you’re cute, kid”, when she’d done the same thing about an hour before. He didn’t know what was so tasty about those fingers especially when there were other tastier options available. 

Speaking of which, you just had to pick the fucking perfect time to do your pumping shit so he would be stuck doing this shit, in the literal sense of the word. Ben thought he’d been on dangerous missions before but nothing ever made him want to retreat in the other direction more than the one he was about to embark on. The smell wafted up to him once more as the baby kicked her legs again.

“Christ, this kid fucking stinks.”

“Language!”

He rolled his eyes and glanced back over his shoulder, though he couldn’t see you. “It’s not like she understands what the fuck I’m saying!”

“Ben! We talked about this!”

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled, turning back to his little girl. “No cursing around the baby,” he mocked you in a high voice, smirking when a small smile formed on her face.

Another wave hit him and he held a hand up to his nose. “Are you almost done in there?” He complained.

“No! I still have a little more to go.” He knew that; he could hear the machine still making its weird noises almost as if it was next to his ear. He hated and loved that thing. Hated it because it was so damn loud to his ears and it ruined a perfectly sexy image in his head when he first saw you doing it. Loved it because it was helping your body do one of the natural things it was designed to do and it also allowed him to get some one on one time with you out of the house for the occasional few hours if you could get Elena or Queen Lesbo to babysit. As a matter of fact, as harsh as the sounds were and how unsexy it was, it got him downright hard sometimes when he thought of either scenario because both brought it all back to sex for him. Either he was daydreaming about fucking another baby into you while watching you or he was thinking about how he was going to be fucking you later that evening when the two of you were alone. This time, though, it was going to be neither. 

You were getting ready to go out to have lunch with Elena, have some girl time or some shit. Whatever the fuck that meant. It certainly wasn’t what he’d been thinking the first time you mentioned it, which to him was a complete fucking wasted opportunity. He wasn’t into Elena at all or The One-Eyed Bitch Queen but he was definitely into seeing you get off. Just as long as it wasn’t another guy, he was good with it. But instead, his hopes had been dashed when your expression of disgust transformed into you pinching the bridge of your nose and explaining what girl time for you actually meant. His annoyance grew (and his nerves skyrocketed though he would never tell you that) when you mentioned he would be the one babysitting this time. He wasn’t happy but neither were you and when it came down to it, you were the victor of that argument.  

And now he had this shit on top of it, pun very much fucking intended. Needless to say, Ben was beyond done at this point.    

“Just change the diaper already,” you urged, your tone strained with the last threads of patience. “The longer she stays in her own mess, the more likely she is to get a rash and possible infection. Then she will be in pain and she’ll have to see the doctor. We don’t want that to happen. I’ve told you this time and time again and I’ve shown you how to do it. No more excuses, Ben. Just change it.”

Ben could feel his ire rising. “So you want me to do what you should be doing? I’m not the goddamn woman here!” He regretted it as soon as he said it. He heard you turn the machine off and he knew he was in for it now.

“What did you just say?” He heard you ask menacingly from the other room. Oh fuck. He knew he had about ten seconds to turn this around or the rest of the day and night were going to be shit. Worse than the actual shit he was smelling. He’d be lucky if he’d be able to sit next to you at the table later at dinner, never mind touch you again for the next few days.

“Nothing,” he grumbled, pulling a new diaper from the open package next to him and glancing down at the squirming baby in front of him. He was relieved when he heard the machine start up again and leaned over the table to lay down the law to his daughter. “Alright, look, kid, we gotta make some sort of deal here. You can’t be shitting up a storm and stinking up the place while your mother is out. Piss I can deal with. Puke, bad but doable. Shit…no fucking way.” He began to unbutton her onesie, screwing up his face in disgust as the smell slapped him in the face. “So if you really care about your old man and you want him to be happy, you’ll stop shitting all over the goddamn place. Got it?”

The baby gurgled back at him and he saw more drool coming out of her little mouth. 

Ben shook his head, giving her a sharp look. The least she could do was not look so happy about him having to do this for her. He gently pulled her legs out of the onesie as you’d shown him how to do (he ripped one too many the first week she was home) and he frowned when he saw a damp brown stain, the smell becoming even worse. He lifted her legs and as he’d suspected, the shit was fucking everywhere, having catapulted past the edge of the diaper and down her back. He briefly shut his eyes and looked away, groaning loudly, “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” He attempted to take a breath that didn’t smell like he was wading around in the worst shit someone ever took. Like he was that little bastard Termite and he’d shot too far off the mark. 

“Now what?” You yelled back.

“She shit everywhere! It’s all up and down her back.” He looked back down at his daughter. “Really?” Another gurgle. “Christ.”

“Yeah, because she’s been sitting in a full diaper for the last thirty minutes while you’ve been non-stop complaining about it, that’s why! Just get her cleaned up and into a new diaper, some new clothes, and then put her in her bouncy chair so you can clean the table. Or if you’re feeling adventurous, give her a bath. A bath is probably better.”

“Why don’t you come in here and fucking handle it then? I’ve told you, my sense of smell is about ten times what yours is!”

You huffed out an aggravated breath. “Because you have to learn how to take care of her, Ben! You’re her father for God’s sake. You should be able to handle one damn diaper change without being a child about it! What if I wasn’t here anymore? You’d be the one doing it all then.”

He straightened up at that, glaring back in your direction. “What do you mean if you weren’t here? Where the fuck would you go?”

“Language, Ben! Jesus!”

His jaw clenched and he turned back to grab a fresh wipe or five. He bunched them up in his hand and lifted the baby’s legs and began to wipe. There was so much shit, the wipes were filled instantly and it got onto his hand. “Fucking hell!” His daughter’s smile faded and she began to look as if she were about to cry. 

“What now?” You snapped. 

“It’s all over my goddamn hand, that’s what!” He bellowed.

“Well, wipe it off, get her cleaned up, then wash your hands.” There was no compassion in your tone, only irritation.

Ben should have shut the fuck up right then and there, and just done what you’d tasked him with. But, he was fucking done and livid at your obvious lack of sympathy. “This isn’t my fucking job! It’s yours! You should be doing this! Real men don’t change their kid’s shitty diaper! Women do!” 

The machine shut off again but this time, Ben didn’t give a fuck. He’d had it. He knew you’d be pissed at what he’d just said but too fucking bad. It was true, whether you liked it or not. No matter what today’s society had to say or not. Women were the caregivers, the nurturers or whatever the fuck he’d heard on that bald-headed doctor’s show the other day, the givers of life or some shit. Real men did their job in making the kid, being the father, and putting food on the table for his family while also providing a roof over their heads. That’s how it always worked and that’s how it should still be today. He’d done his job: he’d protected you, knocked you up with his kid, and stuck around to be its father, even after finding out it wasn’t going to be the son he’d initially hoped for. And here you were, trying to get him to fucking play Mr. Mom so you could go out for a few hours and get some girl time that wasn’t even going to reap any benefits for him after you’d left the kid with him all afternoon? No fucking way. His jaw tightened as he heard you approaching quickly. He didn’t care how pissed you were; he wasn’t backing down. 

But just then, the baby began to cry, having been scared by him yelling angrily (and probably because she was wet and uncomfortable and had been for some time now). He glanced down at her, his jaw unclenching and his features softening slightly. Fuck no. Ben could withstand a lot of shit (minus actual shit), and not a lot affected him, but his daughter’s cries? And because of him? That was his kryptonite. “No, no, no. Don’t cry, Princess. Daddy’s sorry he yelled, okay? He didn’t mean to scare you,” he quietly soothed. He went to pick her up to hold her, forgetting that she had shit all over her, and he only realized it when it dripped all down the front of his shirt and his hands and arms were covered with it as he balanced her against his chest. “Ahhh shit!” The baby began to cry louder.

You appeared, the top of your dress fixed and buttoned, a furious expression on your face. You held out your hands. “You’re safe now, I’m here,” you spat. “Give her to me.” 

Ben glared down at you. He had been spoiling for a fight a moment ago but after the baby started to cry, some of the fury went out of him, and apparently right into you it looked like. “Listen, don’t get all pissy because—”

“I said,” you snapped. “Give her to me.”

Ben shot you a look but did as you said. He watched as you got shit all over you but you didn’t even flinch. Instead, you snatched the fresh diaper from the table and unfolded it to place behind your daughter’s poop chute before grabbing the canister of fresh wipes and a towel. You didn’t even look at him as you passed by him to head into the bathroom. Fuck, he was definitely in trouble.

He grimaced down at his messy shirt and removed it, balling it up and throwing it into the baby’s laundry basket. He made his way to the open door of the bathroom, stepping in to wash his hands and forearms at the sink as he watched you in the mirror, sitting on the edge of the tub and filling it with water, the baby’s own tub inside it. You were cooing at your daughter who wasn’t crying anymore but letting out little whines that threatened to extend back into a crying jag if need be. The baby was unhappy and from the looks of it, so were you.

He dried his hands as you began to use the fresh wipes to clean your daughter. “There we go, Ellie,” you murmured. “We’re going to get you all nice and clean, okay?”

Hearing your soft-toned reassurances to the baby, Ben figured now might be as good a time as any to try to start melting away some of your anger with him. He cleared his throat. “If you want, you don’t have to use that thing. I can get in the tub with her. I have to clean up anyway.” He gestured to his bare chest but you didn’t even look up.

“I think you’ve done quite enough today, thank you,” you answered, your tone full of ice. Yeah, he was in fucking trouble. Fuck.

“Don’t be like that. I’ve told you, my sense of smell is ten times more powerful than yours. I tried and it just didn’t work out.” He crossed his arms, his jaw tight. Why would you be fucking pissed at him? He tried his best. He got shit all over for him as a result for Christ’s sake. And he only spoke the truth.

“And what the fuck do you think this is? Chocolate? Paint?” You gestured to the shitty fresh wipes sitting in the diaper and to your ruined dress. That wasn’t what stopped him short; you never cursed in front of your daughter. 

You continued to carefully clean the baby in your lap. “I told you when I found out I was pregnant that I would do it myself. You could take off and go do whatever you wanted to do after you held up your end of the deal. You could go get high, get drunk, fuck a ton of women, play at being a superhero — whatever. But no, you said you wanted to stay. Insisted on it, actually. I told you then.” You threw another freshwipe into the diaper and grabbed a clean one. “If you stay, if you really want this, then you need to be all in. Do you remember that?”

“What the fuck are you talking about? I am all in.”

“You call this all in?” You gestured towards the messy baby who had her hands in her mouth, watching her mother, tears still dotting her eyes. 

Ben started to feel uncomfortable, something almost like shame itching at his skin, and he didn’t care for it. He dropped his gaze to the ground. “So I didn’t change one shitty diaper. You don’t need to make a big fucking deal over it.”

“Ben,” you seethed. “Look at me.”

He reluctantly glanced up at you, still annoyed. 

“She’s your daughter and she can’t do these things for herself right now. Sometimes it’s going to be messy and sometimes it’s going to smell so bad you gag. And yeah, sometimes it’s going to make you uncomfortable, but you push through all of that because you’re her father and you love her no matter what. Because you want to take care of her, to make sure she is healthy and happy every single day. She’s our responsibility for the rest of our lives. It’s no longer about you, me, or anyone else. It’s about her. Just her. That’s it.”

He unclenched his jaw, hearing the seriousness of what you were saying, the truth he didn’t want to think about underlying your very words. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his daughter, he did, but why were you so insistent on giving him the dirty work? You knew how he felt about doing this type of shit. Not to mention, it felt like you were trying to shame him for not wanting to change one fucking diaper, like you were implying that he wasn’t a good father if he didn’t waltz into the nursery, smiling and eager to do it. He was a good father and a damn good provider. If it wasn’t for him, you wouldn’t even have this place to call home. He was the one who sacrificed and played nice with the old bitch and Butcher. Hell, If it wasn’t for him, neither of you would even be here right now! 

Ben hated himself when he had that thought. What the fuck was wrong with him? But since he didn’t want to look at that too closely, instead he turned it back on you. 

“I don’t need you lecturing me on how to be a father. I am a good father, goddammit! Hell, I’m a better father than my old man ever was. I provide for her and you every single day. I gave up everything to protect you, be with you, and be there to take care of my kid. Which is a lot fucking more than some of the other dames I’ve knocked up over the years can say. I put my life on the line for you both! And this is the thanks I get? Because I didn’t change one shitty fucking diaper?” He scoffed. “You are one ungrateful bitch.”

Your eyes widened slightly and Ben regretted his words the moment they flew out of his mouth. He hadn’t meant to say those things, not to you.

Your eyes dropped to your daughter in your lap who was staring back up at you. You nodded and after a moment, you scowled up at him. “Well, since we’re such a burden and keeping you from your great life…don’t let the door hit you on your misogynistic and spoiled ass on the way out.” He could see your eyes shimmering but he could also see the absolute fury and ice daggers you were shooting him with, too. He knew then just how badly he had fucked up. 

“Y/N, I—”

“I mean it. Get your shit and leave. I’ll do this alone just like I planned to all along anyway. There you go, you’re free. No more nagging from this ungrateful bitch, no more having to act like you give a shit about either of us, no more being weighed down. You’re free to go and get fucked up and drink all you want, Soldier Boy. Go knock up some more dames and then leave them to raise those kids all on their own, too. You know, like a real man does.” If your glare could kill alone, Ben would be six feet under right now, the one thing that could end him that the Ivans never found out about. 

You placed your daughter in her little tub and stormed over to him, shoving him out the door. You couldn’t really move him but he was so caught off guard at your outburst, your words, that he moved where you pushed him. “And best of all, no more shitty fucking diapers!” You slammed the bathroom door in his face and locked the door, knowing it wouldn’t keep him out if he wanted in, but the message was clear. You were done and you were willing to go it alone; you didn’t need him and you had enough of his bullshit. He’d not only heard it in your voice, your words, but he’d also seen it in your eyes. That hurt way more than he ever thought it would.

He stood there staring at the door, stunned. His daughter began to cry and he heard you soothe her with “Shhh, it’s okay, sweetness. Mommy’s here. We’re going to get you all cleaned up and feeling better in no time. Don’t you worry, Ellie.” You began to coo to her as you bathed her and before long, she was making happy noises again. You’d even made her laugh once.

Ben stood there, not feeling right about what just happened or that his family was on the other side of the door. He could break it down if he wanted to, you both knew that, but he wouldn’t. Nor would he break the lock to get in. He knew he had let his irritation get the best of him and he’d said some things that he couldn’t take back, no matter how he might try to apologize now. Why the fuck had he said those things, anyway? 

He loved the life you had now (minus the shitty diapers obviously) and the family you’d started to build. Hell, he loved you, something he hadn’t ever really felt before for a woman other than his mother. He thought he’d felt it once with Crimson Countess but he’d been wrong. What he thought he felt for her paled in comparison to what he actually felt for you. Not just for having his kid but also for loving him and not the suit. Yes, you’d gone to him for protection and yes, he’d done his best to take advantage of that fact, but something genuine formed between the two of you. Before long, he wasn’t just protecting you to hold up his end of the deal, he was also protecting you because he couldn’t bear to lose you. He was over a century old and he had never come across someone like you before, someone who actually saw worth in him as something more than a quick lay or a celebrity or a supe. Someone who worried for him when he left your sight or took on one of your would-be assailants. Someone who actually wanted to build a life with him — with him, not Soldier Boy. 

So why the fuck had he said those things? He knew why. You had made him feel ashamed that he hadn’t gotten the job done, that he hadn’t completed the one mission you’d given him and you hadn’t even left the house yet. You’d had to come in and rescue him, do the task instead, and you hadn’t balked or even thought twice about it.

You were softly singing to Ellie and he could hear a couple of breaks in your voice, betraying how upset you really were though you were trying to hide it for your daughter’s sake. 

Ben hung his head in shame when he heard you get choked up and stop for a moment, sniffling, before you started back up again. He threw on a fresh shirt and got to work cleaning the shit from the changing pad and this time, he didn’t complain.

Ben watched as you carried the baby into the room, still not looking at him. You saw that the table was clean and moved over to place your daughter on it, grabbing the clean onesie he’d set aside and began to dress her. “You’re still here?” You bit out though he could detect a hint of genuine surprise there, too. 

“Still here,” he murmured, hoping you would hear how sorry he was without him having to say it.

You finished buttoning up the onesie and popped the pacifier into Ellie’s mouth that he’d left out for you. “Think you can manage to watch her while I take a ten minute shower?”

“Since when do you take ten minute showers?” He’d meant it as a teasing question, to try to lighten the mood a little, but you turned a glare onto him, beginning to unbutton the top of your dress. 

“Forget it. I’ll put her in her bouncy seat and bring her in with me. You can go.” You went to pick up the baby when he held his hands out.

“I can watch her. Go take your shower.”

He could see the clear distrust in your eyes but you handed him your daughter nonetheless but not before you kissed her head. “Mommy will be right back, Ellie,” you whispered, stroking her back. You glanced up at him, unsure, but then turned to make your way to the bathroom, continuing to undo the fastenings on your dress. He let out a huge sigh when he heard the door snick closed and the shower start up.

“Daddy’s in big trouble, Princess,” he murmured to Ellie. She gazed up at him, going to town on her pacifier, her brows drawing together slightly from the effort. He smiled and dropped a kiss down on her little forehead. “That’s one thing you have in common with your old man. We love the nipples.” He chuckled under his breath, imagining just how hard you would roll your eyes and swat at his shoulder if you heard that. But instead, he heard a much more heartbreaking sound from you. You were crying…in the shower. Fuck. 

At that moment, he heard a car slowing down and pulling into the driveway. One glance out the window confirmed it was Elena. In the midst of all this, he’d forgotten you had plans for the day. Just then, he got an idea and hurried towards the front door. He had just reached it by the time Elena was about to push the doorbell. He whipped it open, making her jump in surprise. After she saw it was Ben with the baby in tow, she recovered quickly. “Oh, hey Ben. Is Y/N ready yet? Hi, Ellie.” She gave a tiny wave to your daughter, smiling.

“Uh, not yet. She’s in the shower. Hey, can you watch Ellie for a few? I’ve got something I need to do and I can’t take her with me.”

Elena seemed uncertain for a moment, studying him as if she were wondering what he was about to do, but then relented with a shrug. “Sure.” He opened the door wider for her to come in and once she had put her coat and purse on a chair, he handed Ellie over to her. 

“Thanks. Be right back, Princess.” He stroked the back of the baby’s head with his fingers before hurrying out of the room, intent on doing whatever he had to in order to make things right.

Ben quietly slipped into the bathroom, undressed, and snuck into the shower behind you. You had stopped crying after the doorbell sounded so you most likely knew Elena was here and waiting. You were rubbing suds-covered hands all over the front of your body. 

While you cleaned your front, Ben’s eyes roamed over your back. He was already predictably hard, just seeing you naked. You had the perfect ass and even though you still had some baby weight that you were trying to lose, in his eyes, you were fucking gorgeous. You had mournfully admitted a couple of weeks ago that your stomach was soft and you were embarrassed by the visible stretch marks and your wider hips, not to mention the few pounds sticking around. Your breasts were bigger (something he didn’t see as a problem), the areolas darker than ever before, and you were feeling a bit insecure about your new shape. He loved the new you, which he made sure to tell you over and over as he fucked you that night. You were the mother of his kid, you’d given birth to her, nourished her from your body, and you could give him even more. It endlessly fascinated him that his seed had taken root in you and a healthy child grew from it, one that was half you and half him. He’d literally fucked a baby into you and every time he saw you like this, he wanted to do it again (though you’d told him your body needed at least a year or two to recuperate before you could even entertain the idea of another pregnancy). You looked so fucking gorgeous carrying his kid and now, you were even more beautiful if that was possible. It was pure beauty that he saw when you breastfed his daughter, when you smiled down at her, talked to her, and rocked her to sleep. There wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t want you, on your back (or your hands and knees, he wasn’t picky), taking load after load from him until he knocked you up once more. 

So he had been dumbfounded and almost incredulous when you nervously admitted all of this to him, implying that maybe he didn’t find you attractive anymore and maybe he’d prefer a flat-stomached, tighter, younger, free-to-bang-all-day woman instead. That or some old lady. He’d fucked that notion right out of your head.

But now as he stepped toward you, not only was he incredibly turned on by you and how beautiful he still thought you were, but he also realized right then, just like he had many times before this moment, you were the only one he wanted. He wrapped his arms around you and pressed a kiss to your wet shoulder.

You let out a small gasp in surprise. “Where’s Ellie?”

“Elena’s got her.” 

“Well, I’m not doing anything with you in this shower so you might as well get out,” you snapped and attempted to wriggle out of his embrace. When you couldn’t, you huffed out an aggravated breath and went back to rubbing soap over your skin. 

He nosed your wet hair out of the way to get closer to your ear. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I never should’ve said that shit.”

“No, you shouldn’t have,” you muttered, gliding soap down your arms. 

“I love you,” he murmured to the skin of your neck before dropping a kiss. “I love my little princess.” Another kiss. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Really? Because it sounds like you want to be somewhere else.”

“No, I don’t,” he assured. “I told you when I knocked you up. You two are it for me.”

You slowed down your movements and he took the opportunity to hug you a little tighter, burying his nose underneath your jaw. “I mean it, doll. This is right where I want to be.” He slowly ground his erection into the small of your back to also illustrate his point. He meant every fucking word; with you, around you, in you — there was no other place he’d rather be. 

You attempted to turn around in his arms and he loosened his grip so you could. He nearly let out a soft groan at the feel of your soap-slicked skin sliding against his dick. You stared up into his eyes and the smirk that formed on his face was beyond dirty, thinking you two were about to get to the fun part, your argument a thing of the past when you cupped his bearded cheeks in your suds-covered hands. 

“Ben,” you whispered. “I need to know that if something happens to me…that you’ve got this with Ellie.”

Ben’s grin morphed into a frown and his brows furrowed. “What the fuck are you talking about? What do you mean if something happens to you?”

Your eyes began to glisten and his heart dropped inside his chest. What the fuck hadn’t you told him?

“Did some cocksucker threaten you?” He growled menacingly, the rage he worked so hard to tamp down for yours and Ellie’s sakes was attempting to breach the surface at the thought of someone even thinking about hurting you. Mallory had said you’d be safe here; had the old bitch lied?

You shook your head and that only helped to quell the fire burning deep within slightly. A light appeared on your face and you glanced down as it got brighter, eyes wide in fear. “Your chest is glowing. Ben, stop! You need to calm down.” 

He took deep breaths as he’d learned to do, telling himself that you were here in his arms, right now, and you were safe. You were not in any danger. Hearing the sounds of his daughter a few rooms away helped him to get this fucking thing inside of him under control. He hated it, hated what the Reds had done to him, but it was now forever a part of him. He would do whatever it took to keep you both safe, even from this goddamn weapon inside his chest.

When you met his eyes again, there was no more light, no more glow lighting up your face from below. You lifted yourself up on your toes and brushed your lips against his. “Thank you,” you whispered. 

Ben nodded and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you up against him. He nuzzled you, feeling much calmer than he had a few moments before, but he still saw the same worry in your gaze that he’d seen before his inner nuke started to fire up. “Talk to me,” he implored.

You pressed your lips together and briefly looked away and he knew you didn’t really want to say what you were about to. It made him incredibly nervous. While you two had argued before and you’d told him to go when he was being an ass…what if what you meant was that you wanted out of this? Fear immediately took hold of him — fear of losing you, fear of losing Ellie, and all because he’d been a stupid fuck who couldn’t keep his mouth shut. You both were the two best things that had ever happened to him since being injected with Compound V. He didn’t want to go back to before. He only wanted now and the two of you. Hell, he wanted to keep creating a family with you, the family he’d always desired but never had. What had seemed within his grasp just hours ago now seemed to be getting further and further away. 

That thought had him speaking — no, downright begging. Soldier Boy begging…only for you. “Look, I know I’ve been a dick and I said some really fucked up shit earlier but I didn’t—”

You gently placed your fingers against his lips, effectively stopping him. You stared up at him sadly and that fear kicked into high gear. Fuck, he was losing you. And all because he hadn’t been able to keep his goddamn mouth shut or change one fucking dirty diaper. He’d fucking failed and now he was going to lose you and that dream he wanted to realize with you all in one swoop. All because he really was America’s Asshole.

But when you finally spoke, you said the last thing he expected. “I spent months running from Vought’s death squads before I found you. Even with you protecting me, even after I got pregnant, I was still in danger because they wanted me dead.” Your voice broke on the last word, betraying the tears that were imminent, along with the shimmering in your eyes getting worse.

His brows drew together in concern but he gently grasped your chin, making sure that you not only continued looking at him but that you heard every word he was about to say. “But you’re safe now,” he murmured. “Vought’s gone, Edgar and Homelander are dead…I would never let anything happen to you.”

Tears began to roll down your cheeks. “I know, but I keep thinking what if something goes wrong? What if one of the supes out there finds us? What if they get wind that I’m still alive? What if the surviving board members decide that I’m still a liability?”

He shook his head, moving his thumb up to stroke your cheek reassuringly. “No one survived. I made sure of it.” He placed his forehead down onto yours. “I promised I’d keep you safe, you both safe, and I did.” Ben tenderly rubbed his nose along yours. “Still do.” 

He was slightly relieved that you weren’t thinking of leaving him but also unhappy that you had still been worrying about this all of this time and he hadn’t had a clue. He was going to do whatever it took to reassure you, to remind you that you were safe and that you no longer needed to worry about any of those pricks that you’d had to run from before. He still remembered the nightmares you’d had, the jumps and startles in the middle of the night at the slightest sound. Eventually, it prompted him to hold you when you went to bed, promising to keep you safe so you could get some sleep while he kept watch. You would finally relax in his arms and close your eyes, content to listen to his strong heartbeat underneath your ear, knowing you were indeed protected.   

Sure, you’d kept your end of the deal and let him fuck you once you’d gotten some rest from running nonstop, but instead of getting bored like he usually did after hitting the same pussy a couple of different times, he’d actually started to like you. So he’d kept you close while he turned the hunt around to make Onehander, Edgar, and all of those assholes the prey instead. When he found out you were carrying his kid, he decided he’d do whatever it took to make you both safe and even ended up teaming up with the Brit and his team again, though he still didn’t trust them. Hell, he’d even made a deal with them to settle in this area and get you this house when you’d told him you wanted a home for your child to grow safely up in, to put down roots. He’d put up with your nearby neighbors, with having to see the One-Eyed-WonderBitch again, and shifting from the Supe life to suburban life (which was not an easy transition for him by any means). He did it all for you…for you and Ellie and the family you had chosen to have with him.

So to see now that after everything, you still didn’t feel completely safe, well…that bothered him. What kind of man had he been for you to keep feeling scared that Vought might come back at any moment to haunt you? He’d never given you details of the day that he’d annihilated them all for you because he knew you didn’t want them, but maybe he should have. If he had, maybe that would’ve helped to allay your fears of any possible reprisals.   

“I know you do,” you broke into his thoughts. “But…what if something else happens? What if I get sick or get hit by a car or I have an accident and fall or I have a medical emergency that could be fatal or—”

“Hey,” he interrupted your rambling. “You’re spiraling.” Something you’d done quite a bit when you first met. His heart sunk at the thought; this had gotten to that point and he hadn’t had one goddamn clue. He’d been so wrapped up in you and Ellie and the life you were building that he hadn’t even seen it. Maybe his father had been right; he was a fuck up. An assertion by the old man that you’d unknowingly been dismantling every single day with how much you loved and believed in Ben, but now…now he felt as if he didn’t deserve you. He watched more tears spill down your cheeks and he knew he definitely didn’t; here was the proof.

“I know,” you sobbed. “I’m sorry. I just…” You took in a ragged breath and looked into his eyes, your bottom lip starting to wobble. “I need to know that if something happens to me, that you’ll take care of Ellie the way she needs to be taken care of. If I’m gone, she’s going to need you and I need to know that she’ll be okay.”

He tried his best not to be insulted, not to show it for your sake so he wouldn’t upset you anymore than you already were, but it stung his ego a bit. “Of course, she would be okay. I’ve kept her safe this long, haven’t I?”

“I’m not just talking about safety, Ben. I’m talking about you actually taking care of her. Not just providing for her, but actually being there for her whenever she needs you. Like the diaper change I asked you to do today. Is it disgusting? Sure. No one likes dealing with it, smelling shit, getting it all over you…but she’s your daughter and she needed you to take care of it for her. What if I had gone for breakfast with Elena instead? Would she have sat in her own crap until I came back home because you feel as a man that it’s beneath you to change your own daughter’s diaper?” More tears appeared. “What if something had happened to me while I was out? Would you just push Ellie onto Elena and Maggie to take care of her so you could go back to your old life? All so you wouldn’t have to do any of the messy or hard stuff? Would you abandon her just like that?”

“Of course not,” he snapped, his consideration for you now forgotten in the face of what you’d said. “How the fuck could you even think I would do something like that? Haven’t I been here through everything like I fucking said I would be?”

“Yes, but I’ve been doing everything!” The words burst out of you. “At first, you didn’t want to feed her, burp her, bathe her — any of it! And I did it all! Why? Because that was supposed to be the woman’s job you’d said!”

Ben could feel his temper flaring at you bringing that up. You were also intimating that he didn’t do anything for your daughter. Were you blind to all of the effort he had put in to help you raise Ellie since that fight you’d had a couple of weeks after she’d been born? Didn’t you realize that most mornings you woke up well rested was because he’d gotten up with the baby in the middle of the night so you wouldn’t have to? And you were still holding that shit over his head? What the fuck was wrong with you? “That was the way it was back then,” he growled out. “I told you that! And I’ve been doing all of that shit you just mentioned since then! So I didn’t change one shitty diaper today! I said I was sorry! When are you going to fucking let it go?”

Instead of responding, you exploded into more sobs and shame churned in his gut. He really fucking hated seeing either of his girls cry. It made him want to beat the ever loving shit out of some son of a bitch. Even if he happened to be said son of a bitch sometimes. 

“Christ,” he muttered. “C’mere.” He pulled you to him and you held onto him tightly, crying into his neck. His hand slid down your back in a tender caress and he pressed his lips to your hair. “I’m sorry,” he whispered to you.

He kept you in his arms, hoisted you up so you could wrap your legs around his waist, and let you get it all out. He even shut the water off, knowing the temperature had vastly cooled in the amount of time he’d been in there with you so far. He vaguely recalled his plan from earlier to join you, apologize for what he’d said during your argument, and begin making up with you. That obviously had gone to shit; there would be no making up happening now, that was for sure. And if anything would get his dick to go soft with you naked against him, it was the sound of you crying. 

Once your sobs quieted down and turned into ragged inhales and a few sniffles here and there, he moved your hair out of the way so he could see you. “Better?”

You nodded, sniffling as you looked up at him. “Yeah.”

“Okay, let’s get you out of this tub then and get you dried off.” He placed a kiss on your forehead and went to open the shower curtain.

“Ben?”

He froze and turned to look at you. 

You lifted your head, letting out another sniffle. “I’m sorry, too.” Before he could say anything, you continued. “I know you’ve been trying and you’ve been doing everything I asked you to with Ellie. I just…I freaked out about the diaper thing.” You wiped at your face. “Because it just brought back that worry, that fear I have of what would happen to her if I wasn’t here.” Your voice wobbled slightly but you forged ahead anyway. “You know, I wasn’t scared like this when I was being hunted down. I mean, I was, but not like this. Back then, I only had myself to worry about. And then when I got pregnant, sure, I was a little more scared but I also knew you’d keep us safe.” You took another ragged breath in. “But ever since she’s been born, I have been absolutely terrified. That something might happen to her, to me…to her if something does happen to me. I’m so fucking scared, Ben.” Your voice broke then, prompting fresh tears to roll down your cheeks.

Ben had been insulted before, almost as if you hadn’t believed in him or his ability to keep either of you safe, but now as he listened to your heartfelt explanation, he realized it wasn’t really about any of that. It didn’t really have anything to do with him, except that you wanted him to be ready to care for your daughter if something ever happened to you. That unpleasant tug inside his gut happened once more when you finally confessed just how scared you were. He thought back over the last few months since Ellie had been born. Your push for him to be more involved; your fighting with him over his antiquated mindset as you’d called it over his ideas of what fatherhood entailed; your rushing him during your sexual escapades the few times he’d managed to get you away from the house while Elena watched the baby no matter how much it pissed him off that he couldn’t take his time with you like he wanted; your insistence that he watch Ellie while you go to lunch with your friend; your anger today at his refusal to deal with the shitty diaper situation — all of it suddenly clicked into place for him and made sense. Fuck, he didn’t think it was possible for him to feel any worse. He had completely failed you on all fronts. He had been the blind one; he’d never seen what was going on with you when it was right in front of him this whole time. Christ on a cross.

He gripped your chin gently. “Look at me.” You reluctantly met his gaze, yours glistening with fresh tears, and he could see the fear there plain as day. Fuck, how had he missed it all of this time? But instead of focusing on that, he sought to reassure you. “You and Ellie are safe. Nothing is going to happen. I would never let anyone hurt you. Either of you. I love you both too fucking much.” He grazed the pad of his thumb over your cheek to catch a stray tear that had escaped at his words. “And if it’s something that’s going to make you feel better, then let’s sit down and make a plan in case anything were to happen to you. Or even if I bit it. I want both of my girls to be taken care of, even if I can’t be here to do it myself.” You gave him a tearful smile. “So, let’s do that and kick this fear in its fucking ass. Sound good, doll?”

You nodded and leaned in, kissing him and making him smile. He’d been able to make you feel better after all and he felt damn proud of himself for being able to do so. “I love you,” you whispered.

He fucking loved hearing those three words from you every single time you said them; he knew you fucking meant it. And so did he. “I love you, too, baby.” When you beamed at him, another tugging sensation happened in his chest but this time, it was a far more pleasant one. He pecked your lips and opened the curtain. “Alright, let’s get you out of here.”

Before he could take a step out of the tub, you reached up and yanked the curtain closed, making his brows furrow. Your smile suddenly transformed into a devilish smirk. Immediately, he could feel his dick hardening again. He knew what that smirk meant. “We didn’t make up yet,” you murmured, starting to rub your body against his. “And we always make up after we fight.” 

Ben felt the stiff peaks of your nipples gliding across his skin and his mouth practically watered at the thought of sucking on them while he rammed into you repeatedly. Fuck, he loved your tits. There had been a time after Ellie was born where you’d pushed his head away anytime he tried to get his mouth on them while he was fucking you, complaining that they were too sensitive due to all of the feedings. But recently, he’d been able to start that up again without causing you discomfort and once, he had even gotten a tiny amount of milk squirted into his mouth by accident. It had been surprising for him, embarrassing for you, but it had turned out to be a major turn on. He found he didn’t mind the taste and the idea of him drinking you down, you shooting something into his mouth for once and him needing to be the one to swallow, that made him hornier than he’d ever been in his life. He’d fucked a lot of women in his time, sometimes high, sometimes sober; he’d done things that made most people blush to hear about or uncomfortable to imagine, some things which you flat out refused to do. He’d founded Herogasm and had marathon fucks that were legendary. He’d hosted orgies where he would be the only one left standing, having never tired out and still raring to go when everyone else was down for the count. And yet, when you’d unintentionally squirted the smallest bit of milk into his mouth, his dick had gotten so hard, he was shocked it hadn’t exploded right there. Well…it did, but not the way he’d originally been thinking. He’d greedily swallowed you down and kept sucking, even through the first load of cum he’d shot into you in reaction to that fucking hot as hell moment. From that point on, while he knew your breastmilk was Ellie’s main food source and he loved that, his daughter had to learn to fucking share. 

That was another reason why he had such a love/hate relationship with the breast pump machine you had. When he would watch the milk fill the bottle, he didn’t know whether to cry, jerk off, fuck you, or just watch. Sometimes he even wished you’d get rid of the contraption and just let him help you; it could be a rewarding experience for you both while you made sure Ellie had plenty to eat. 

Your smirk grew, almost as if you knew where his thoughts had gone, and you ghosted your lips over his. “Ben,” you called to him in a teasing singsong voice. “I said, we always make up after fighting.”

He could feel something wet moving against his abdomen as you attempted to roll your hips, knowing it had nothing to do with your recent shower, and he ground out, “Yeah, we fucking do” before he slammed his mouth against yours in a bruising kiss that was all tongue and teeth. He turned around and carefully pushed you up against the tiled wall, making sure not to break it or you. It wasn’t long before he was inside you, his hips pushing into you at a steady pace, his mouth suckling at you and your fingers in his hair, tugging roughly, as you muffled your moans with your other hand. Neither of you had forgotten that Elena was within earshot; Ben just didn’t give a fuck. He snatched your hand away from your mouth, gruffed out a command of “Let me fucking hear you”, and he didn’t give two shits who heard the fucking hot soundtrack of your making up. Instead, as you cried out your pleasure for the world to hear, he went back to your incredible rack, focusing on filling up on you while he worked towards filling you up. The thought of any fear or resentment from your earlier argument was long gone as you both chased your highs at lightning speed. The only words said between you were dirty or full of love. And even when you both had been forced to take a mostly cold shower afterwards to clean up once you both had caught your breath, only smiles, tender touches, and kisses had been exchanged along with a few laughs, both of you completely sated. Well, you were; Ben would never get enough of you and he planned to try to fuck you again later after the baby had fallen asleep.

But as for right now, seeing the bright smile on your face as he carefully wrapped a towel around you, the weight visibly lighter on your shoulders since you confessed your fears to him, he was determined to do whatever it took to not only make you feel safe but also to keep you feeling this way and being this happy. 

When you’d laughed at something he’d said, darted forward to kiss him, and wrapped your arms around his neck, his embrace tightened around you and he kissed the juncture in between your neck and shoulder, making you that silent promise. Whatever it took to make you feel safe again, he’d do it.

Elena glanced up to see you and Ben stepping into the living room, both dressed and looking refreshed. You had been missing in action for at least an hour and forty-five minutes. Elena already had an idea what you two had been doing considering everything she’d heard. Maggie had even heard when she called to check in and see when Elena would be returning home, beyond disgusted at the sounds Soldier Boy was making as he railed you in the shower. She’d told Elena to call her when she was done babysitting so the archaic asshole could get laid and promptly hung up. But even if Elena hadn’t heard what you’d been up to, she would have immediately known after seeing you both. Ben’s hair was still damp and yours was freshly blown out. Both of you were touching, unable to keep your hands off of each other and sporting matching grins, looking like practical newlyweds. Ben’s hand moved to the small of your back and both of you suddenly smiled wide upon seeing your daughter.

“Thank you for watching her and for waiting.” Your cheeks turned a shade of pink but you held out your arms. Elena was only too happy to hand you your baby back. “There she is,” you cooed, pressing a loud kiss to Ellie’s cheek. “Were you a good girl for your Aunt Elena?”

“She was a very good girl,” Elena confirmed, watching as Ben strode over and stopped next to you, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you against him, his eyes centered on both of his girls with an affectionate smile to match. Sometimes Maggie still had trouble believing it, that Soldier Boy had been domesticated as she put it, but Elena never doubted how important you and Ellie were to him. She could see it every time he looked at you, at your little girl, and she actually thought it was beyond sweet. She had even said as much to which Maggie had rolled her eyes, muttered “Whatever, I’m going to vomit”, and walked away from the door while Elena waited to greet the three of you after she had extended a dinner invitation to your family one night. As expected Ben and Maggie didn’t get along too well, especially given their history, but the former seemed to be okay with Elena and she was okay with him because she knew how much he meant to you. And Maggie didn’t seem to mind you all that much, either. So you all somehow made the nearby neighbor thing work; for yours, Elena’s, and Ellie’s sakes if for nothing else. 

“She did get a little fussy, though, so I fed her one of the bottles you had in the fridge.”

You nodded and pressed a kiss to the baby’s forehead, briefly glancing at the clock on the mantle. “It’s about that time. Thank you so much for doing that. I’m sorry that we missed lunch.” You blushed once more when Ben let out a quiet chuckle.

“No problem,” Elena dismissed with a smile and a wave of her hand. “I’m glad everything seems to be okay. Ben looked a little worried when I got here.”

You glanced up at him, your brows arching in surprise. Ben shrugged, seeming unbothered at this observation.

“We can maybe shoot for next week if you’re game,” Elena offered. 

You went to answer when Ben cut you off. “Actually, why don’t you guys still go and grab a late lunch or something? Elena’s already here and you both are dressed to the nines.”

Your eyes widened when you looked over at your husband, worry lining your expression for a moment. “No, that’s—it’s too late. By the time we’d get home, it would probably be dinner time.” You let out a nervous sounding laugh. “Besides, Ellie’s going to need to feed before then and I—”

“You pumped earlier, right? I can feed her.”

You seemed unsure, biting your lip. “I did, but I’m not sure—”

Ben released you and held out his hands, smiling reassuringly at you. “It’s settled. You go. Ellie and I have got this. Don’t we, Princess?” The baby had her fingers in her mouth, drooling everywhere. Elena saw Ben shake his head, seeming amused.

You glanced down at your daughter, the happiness from before replaced by uncertainty. Elena knew you struggled to leave Ellie the first few times she’d babysat for you both to have some time to yourselves. It wasn’t surprising; you were a new mother after all. But this time, you seemed even more reluctant than usual. 

“Hey,” Ben softly called to you, prompting you to meet his gaze. “Remember what we talked about. We’re going to be fine. I’ve got her.”

It was moments like this that convinced Elena of your importance to him. If Maggie ever witnessed them, she was sure her girlfriend would reluctantly agree. Never had Elena ever heard him speak that gently to anyone, even his own daughter. Not when she and Maggie were in earshot anyway. 

Ben gave you a meaningful look and after glancing down at Ellie one more time, you eventually handed your daughter over to her father. “There’s my girl.” He leaned down to kiss the baby’s forehead. 

You watched, anxiety still apparent in your expression.“Ben, are you su—”

He immediately darted forward to kiss you, cutting you off. Elena had the grace to look away and give you two a moment.

“We’ll be fine,” she heard Ben murmur to you. “I’ve got this. I promise, baby. Go have your girl time and then come home. We’ll be here when you get back.”

“You’re absolutely sure?” You checked one last time.

“Of course I fucking am.”

“Language,” you chided.

Elena glanced over and found Ben smirking down at you, leaning closer. “You didn’t seem to mind my language earlier.” As expected, your cheeks reddened and he barked out a laugh, kissing one of them. “Alright, go have fun and we’ll see you later.” Then he leaned in to whisper something to you that couldn’t be heard and your jaw dropped, gently swatting at his hip since he was holding Ellie in both arms. He laughed and moved away, his gaze a little darker than before as it stayed fixed on you.

You kissed Ellie’s head and stroked her cheek, smiling. “I’ll see you soon, sweetheart. Be good for your daddy, okay? I love you.” Ellie gurgled and you smiled wider, leaning up to kiss Ben goodbye who immediately deepened it.

Elena was on the verge of looking away again when you pulled back, panting, and glared up at the smirking man in front of you. “You know, for someone who’s trying to get me to leave, you’re doing a miserable job.”

“Just giving you a little preview for later.” The stare between you two was so intense that it felt as if any unfortunate bystanders would suddenly burst into flames just from being too close. This time, Elena was the one nearly blushing. She would have never believed you two had just been having sex if she hadn’t heard it for herself. You both looked hungry and not for any late lunch. 

You leaned in, as if to kiss him again, when you reached up and planted a kiss on his brow instead, smirking as you backed away. “Until then, Benjamin,” you snarked, turning to leave. “Love you.” You let out a yelp a moment later when Ben swatted your ass with a free hand as you passed. 

You shot another glare at him and he simply smirked. “Love you, too, doll.” 

Elena gently pulled you towards the door, thinking if she didn’t get you out of the house soon, you definitely weren’t going to leave at all. Or more like Soldier Boy wasn’t going to let you leave. Not with the way his eyes were unashamedly glued to your ass.

You waved one last time in your family’s direction. “Bye, Ellie. See you soon, babygirl.”

Ben picked up Ellie’s little hand and simulated a wave, making you smile. 

Once Elena had you in the car and backed out of your driveway, she could see the earlier uncertainty returning. “So, what’s going on? First, Ben looked worried and now you. Something I should know about?”

You bit your lip and seemed to be mulling over whether to tell her or not. Elena gave you a moment to yourself to decide. Eventually you turned to look at her and sighed. “Okay.” You then proceeded to fill Elena in on everything you’d been feeling since your daughter had been born, everything you’d just told Ben.

Ben watched as you and Elena got into the car and left. He knew you would be worried but he was determined not to give you any reason to be. He meant it when he told you he had this. He wanted you to know that he could look after Ellie the way she needed looking after, which is why he insisted that you still go out to eat with Elena. He was going to make damn sure he passed this test and he was keeping his promise to you, that he would make you feel safe again. And if that meant he had to play Mr. Mom and change a few shitty diapers while you were gone, then so be it. 

Once the car disappeared, he let out a sigh and turned to look down at his daughter. She was staring up at him with those beautiful eyes that reminded him so often of his mother’s, though absent of any of the heartbreak she had endured in her life with his father. That was why when you asked about possible names for your daughter after you’d given birth, he’d mentioned Eleanor to bestow upon her. You’d loved it, especially after Ben had explained the significance of the name to you, and so your daughter was named after her grandmother, though you both had ended up calling her Ellie for short most of the time. 

He gave his little girl a smile. “We’ve got the place to ourselves, kiddo. We can do whatever we want. What does my princess want to do, hmm?”

Ellie gurgled and he nodded as if he understood.

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. Let your old man show you his movies so you can see when he was a star. Good thinking, babygirl.” He chuckled when she gurgled again and turned to head into the living room. 

Just then, he heard the sounds he had been hoping like hell that he wouldn’t hear until you were back. Ellie began to grunt, a few short farts sounded, and an almost undetectable thud was heard as shit landed in her diaper. Sure enough, a moment later, the smell wafted up and smacked him in the face. The smell was beyond terrible, something you had told him previously couldn’t be the case since it was known that the poop of breastfed babies didn’t smell as bad as other poop. He’d looked at you then with disbelief; how the hell did you not smell it when you were wiping the kid’s ass? Then again, thanks to his super-powered nose, you wouldn’t detect what he would. Like right now. It was fucking awful, like sour milk mixed with shit. Christ.

“Ugh.” He extended his arms and held Ellie out, away from him. He should’ve known this would fucking happen. It was just his luck. “You know, kid, for such a small thing, you sure shit a lot.” Ellie continued to make happy noises as if she hadn’t just taken a massive shit that was rapidly stinking up the room. Ben pulled her closer, his face screwed up in disgust as the smell got closer, too. “You are way too happy for someone who just shit their pants for the second time today.” 

He glanced around, almost as if you would somehow come flying around the corner to help, or Queen Lesbo might show up out of the blue or something. Nope, this was all on him. He remembered your words from earlier, how he needed to know how to care for Ellie which included shitty diaper changes, and he let out a huge defeated sigh. “Fuck.”

Ben cradled Ellie in the crook of his arm, relieved there were no damp spots on her back this time, and turned to make his way to her nursery. “You know something, kid, if the day should ever come that I’m in diapers, you better fucking change ‘em without any complaints. I don’t want to hear a damn word out of you then, got it?”

Ellie made more happy noises and he rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.” A small smile slipped onto his face and he lifted her up to his shoulder, kissing her cheek. “You’re lucky Daddy loves you, Princess.”

Almost as if she’d understood his words, she gave him a wide toothless smile, drooling onto his shirt. Instead of being disgusted, he chuckled and continued his trek. She’d unknowingly just given him a perfect excuse to change when you got home and entice you to get another shower in later. Thinking along that same line, feeling proud that this was now something he could do for you and for his daughter, something that would help you to feel better overall…well, he found now that he didn’t mind the idea of any shitty diaper changes all that much.

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[thebiggerbear]

"What do you see in him?" "Everything you don't." - Jensen Ackles RPF Prompt Response

Summary: Jensen says something at a con that initially bothers you that prompts a conversation where you admit that there are certain parts of his job that you could easily do without, not sure how that's going to impact your friendship moving forward.

A/N: This is part of the Soldier Boy/Beau Arlen/Dean Winchester/CJ Braxton/Alec McDowell/Jason Teague/Tom Hanniger/Russell Shaw/Boaz Priestly/Jake Gray/Jensen RPF prompt response project I've been working on the last month. I wasn't going to originally add Jensen RPF in there but I had an idea and had to see it through. Speaking of which, this was not the original idea I had lol but after catching up on the Comic Con panel, this idea popped into my head and overtook the other one. The other one I may turn into a future ficlet.

Also, I just want to make it clear that this is not criticism or commentary on what Jensen said at the panel mentioned here or anything else he has said previously or even of his career or persona. This is just a story idea, an exploration of a theme or thread that could be within that world if that makes sense.

This is a kind of sequel to "Come Pick Up Your Ghosts", and can be seen as a possible prequel leading up to "i want better for you...what's better for you than me?" or a standalone in that regard. Jensen and the Reader are still platonic here but if you squint, you might see a tiny little something. ;) Just to clarify, there is no cheating/infidelity going on here, implied, suggested, or otherwise.

All unbeta'd.

Disclaimer: No disrespect is meant to Jensen, Danneel, or their family. I don’t know either of them or anyone connected to or associated with them. I merely take things from interviews, con videos, podcasts, and his public persona to create the “Jensen” seen here. This is purely for creativity and entertainment purposes. Just for fun.

Warnings: language; some angst; smidgen of humor

Word Count: 5372

Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187; @rieleatiel; @hobby27; @impala67rollingthroughtown

Jensen Taglist: @samanddeaninatrenchcoat; @deansbbyx; @lyarr24; @bts24; @deans-spinster-witch; @rebel-paladin; @nancymcl

Beau Arlen | Dean Winchester | CJ Braxton | Jake Gray | Jason Teague | Boaz Priestly | Russell Shaw | Tom Hanniger | Soldier Boy | Alec McDowell

Your assistant placed a file on your desk, grabbing your attention. “For the Whitman case.” 

You briefly glanced up at her. “Great, Lauren, thanks.”

She nodded, picked up your empty coffee mug, and beat a hasty retreat to get you a refill, closing the door behind her. You couldn’t help but smile as you went back to your computer screen. Lauren had only been working for you a few months since Janice had retired, but she already seemed to be a great fit and had everything down pat. 

You still missed your former assistant sometimes, though. Not only had you both worked together seamlessly for years, she had become a close friend and an almost motherly figure to you in times when you needed it most. You kept in touch and she invited you for holiday dinners, but as happy as you were that she was living her best life these days, there were still some moments that creeped up on you when you missed her dearly. And this morning just happened to be one such moment.

Your phone began to buzz with an incoming call. You glanced at the screen, huffing out an irritated breath at the name that popped up. Speaking of some sage motherly-like advice, you sure could use some right about now. Aggravation wasn’t your usual reaction to your best friend calling you, but this morning before you came to work, you had been catching up on some of the highlights of his panel the other day and there was one soundbite in particular that had you clicking your tongue in disappointment. You had briefly spoke to Jensen on Saturday night and he had texted you yesterday but you hadn’t known any of the specifics of how the panel went other than “It went well.” Not until you opened your newsfeed on your phone earlier and a headline popped out at you about Vought Rising and The Boys cast’s appearance on a Comic Con panel this weekend, with a video attached. That video led you to look up others until you finally arrived at the one that made you close everything out altogether and concentrate on finishing your coffee to hurry out the door.

You rolled your eyes in annoyance when your phone continued to vibrate and you hit the button on the bluetooth headset in your ear. “Hey,” you greeted curtly when the call connected. “I can’t really talk right now, Jensen. I’m about to meet with a client and—”

“Why haven’t you been answering my texts or calls?”

“Shit,” you silently mouthed to yourself and clenched your hands together. You then quietly cleared your throat. “I just told you. I have a full schedule this morning and I can’t—”

“Bullshit.”

Okay yeah, it was bullshit, he was right. Well, actually not entirely; you really had been trying to bury yourself in work since you arrived, earlier than normal (you’d even beat Lauren into the office), in order to prevent you from thinking about what he’d said and why it bothered you so much. “It is not bullshit,” you stated calmly, your jaw tensed. “I have a lot of work to do to prepare for court later this week. I told you that.”

“Y/N, you texted me early this morning, saying and I quote ‘Good morning, going to be super busy this week. Tons of work to do,’” he continued reading the message you had sent him before putting your phone on Do Not Disturb until about half an hour ago. “‘Hope you have a good shoot in Vancouver. Talk soon.’ Really?”

At that time, Lauren had decided to reappear with your new coffee. You gave her an appreciative nod and opened the file she had left for you, scanning the documents inside. “Yes, really. I just told you, I have a full week.” You waited until Lauren left and the door was closed once more. “I don’t see why that’s an issue.”

“You know damn well why.”

You expelled a quiet breath, telling yourself to bite your tongue and remain professional. It usually worked but Jensen had always had a way of getting under your skin.

“You knew I was going to call you once I got to set this morning. We even agreed on the best time for me to call.”

You did and you knew that your text was going to bother him once he received it, proven by him immediately trying to call you after you had sent it. But you just needed some space to think. 

Jensen was up North shooting an episode for a series he was guesting on, coming off of Comic Con in San Diego. He had asked you if you wanted to go with him, since you had never been, but you had politely declined knowing you had an upcoming court case that you needed to prepare for. And now, having seen the video and heard what you did, you were glad you hadn’t taken him up on his offer. You would have been unable to hide your disappointment the entire time until you both went on separate flights, you going back home and him heading to Canada.   

“What the hell, Y/N?”   

“I’m just busy,” you muttered, gazing over the papers in front of you, pen in your hand, poised and ready.

“You forget how well I know you. That text is your polite way of saying ‘don’t call me, I’ll call you’ which means you’re pissed at me and you don’t want to talk.” You winced at his matter of fact tone. He wasn’t exactly wrong. “So again, what the hell?”

Now that he had you on the phone, calling you on your attempt at temporarily pushing him away via text, you started to examine just why you were annoyed with him — something you had been trying to avoid much like his attempts to contact you the last few hours. Suffice it to say, he wasn’t going to let this go, you both were bound to get into an argument, and then you were going to get the space you wanted, albeit a cold and tense space, until one of you caved and apologized. Something that had become somewhat of a routine in your friendship, though rare since you both usually got along very well.

So now that he was holding your feet to the fire per se, now that he was not letting you push him away so easily, you had to really think about why you were pissed, why your gut had clenched when you first heard the voice of your best friend come down the line, and why his careless off-the-cuff joke had bothered you so much. 

“Y/N,” he spoke to you in a quieter tone than a moment ago. “Come on, talk to me. What’s going on?”

You took a deep breath and tossed your pen onto your desk, sitting back in your chair. Fuck it. “‘Old titties’? Really?”

There was a beat of awkward, tension-filled silence, before Jensen immediately filled it. “Wait a second. That’s what you’re pissed at me about?” He let out a laugh of disbelief. “Seriously?”

You flinched and immediately sat up straight, grabbing papers and loudly straightening them into a neat pile on your desk. “You know what? I have a court case to prepare for and I also have a 12:30 who just arrived. I have a full day, you have a full day of shooting, so let’s just end it here, shall we? Have a great week, Jensen, and good luck. Talk soon.” 

The laughter immediately stopped. “Whoa, hold up a second. Y/N, don’t—”

His voice was cut off as you pressed the button on your headset and then grabbed it, tossing it angrily onto your desk. Your phone started to buzz again but this time, you snatched it up, put the call to voicemail, and powered down the device before dumping it into your handbag and shutting the drawer it sat in. You clicked a button on your office phone and a moment later, Lauren’s voice filled your office. 

“Yes, Ms. Y/L/N?”

“I’m going to be working on the Whitman case for the next couple of hours so please hold all calls.”

“Absolutely. Would you like me to order lunch for you in the meantime?”

A little bit of your fury went out of you at her sweet offer. Right, you were a professional, and no matter how much your friend had just pissed you off, you wouldn’t allow it to affect your work. “That would be great, Lauren. Thank you,” you let out in a deflating and tired breath.

“Of course. If you need anything else in the meantime, Ms. Y/L/N, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

You couldn’t help but smile at the phone. “Thank you.” You clicked off the button and dropped your head in your hands. You could still hear Jensen’s laughter and “That’s what you’re pissed at me about? Seriously?” You couldn’t completely blame him for his reaction; you knew it was something small and stupid to be angry with him for. His response to Jeff’s question on that panel had nothing to do with you after all. But the minute he’d said those words, you couldn’t help but think back to that scene he had filmed with the two older actresses from season 3. Granted, a sexual attraction to much older women was part of Soldier Boy’s character, but at the time you’d watched that scene, while it had been amusing as it was meant to be, you couldn’t help but have respect for the two actresses willing to strip down and put themselves on display for the camera like that. That couldn’t have been easy, no matter the type of the career they had embarked on, and you were in awe, wishing you could have confidence like that when you reached that age. Hell, you could do with some of that confidence nowadays. You hadn’t had sex in forever and no one had seen your bare body outside of your doctors in the last five years or so. You also hadn’t been to the beach or any pools in that time so no one had exactly seen you in any swimwear either. 

Truthfully, aging was a bit of a sensitive issue for you. Not in a superficial, skin deep kind of way, but very much in a holy-crap-my-body-is-starting-to-turn-against-me-with-every-single-year way. As you got older, you continued to have more and more compassion for your elders, knowing that someday you would eventually reach that phase of life yourself. It made you appreciate your present everyday life all the more, but that didn’t mean you liked being reminded of where you (and every single person on the planet) were eventually headed. So any new gray hairs you found; any sign of aging in your skin; the fact that you absolutely had to get up at least once a night to use the bathroom now, no exceptions; how you couldn’t go without at least 7 hours of sleep a night or you’d be exhausted the whole day and even sometimes still were, not to mention the day after that and the next — you weren’t exactly thrilled to get those reminders. 

You knew what Jensen had said had nothing to do with you in the slightest and you weren’t narcissistic enough to act as if it had or take personal offense to it. Even though you had been disgusted at his choice of joke, you knew he was simply on and he was providing entertainment for the cast and crowd, like he always did. People laughed at the joke and you knew none of them viewed it the same way you did. Not one of them felt as if it was an unfair indictment of your sex when they got older (something that couldn’t be helped) or if it was a commentary of disgust at the average older woman’s body as she aged or even something completely misogynistic (and even if it was, it was in character which is usually what Jensen tended to aim for when doing these appearances). No, you knew it had been taken as a simple joke as you should have taken it but you couldn’t help your visceral reaction of irritation followed by massive disappointment in your friend.

The Jensen you knew was not the Jensen the world saw. In your friendship, you had gotten to know a very different person altogether. While he enjoyed garnering laughs from people and was very quick to make witty remarks and jokes that added to a pleasant atmosphere that he encapsulated, you found over time that you really didn’t care for his public persona at times. Or at least when it came down to things like that. You knew it came with the job he was in, but you much preferred your friend to the Jensen Ackles that was solely for public consumption and engagement. Which is why you supposed you never took him up on his offers of visiting sets he was on, attending any Hollywood events such as The Boys Season 3 premiere in Brazil, or even meeting him at any of the several conventions he had booked over the years. Early on in your getting to know him, you had trouble reconciling the man you saw privately with the man who sat up on those stages or in front of those cameras. There was nothing wrong with either of them but over time, you found you much preferred it when there were no cameras, no screaming fans, no celebrities or Hollywood executives around — just him. 

That didn’t mean you didn’t support his career; of course, you did. He had been successful on this chosen path way before you ever met him and he loved doing it. How could you not cheer on your best friend in a job that not only was he good at but also made him happy? But God, sometimes you wished fame, PR, and performativity weren’t part of the package. Despite the very nature of the business he had chosen to be in.

You straightened up and pulled the Whitman file closer to you. He hadn’t done anything wrong, nothing that you should feel angry with him for, and you would apologize to him later. Right now, though, you needed to get your head back into your own career and prepare for court that would be happening in the next two days’ time.

This whole thing was going to have to wait. Until you could make sense of things for yourself at least.

You watched as the couple on your screen awkwardly flirted, popping a yogurt-covered raisin into your mouth. The film wasn’t one you would usually check out; romantic comedies weren’t really your thing, especially the ones made these days. But there had been a particular selling point that caught your eye, that then had you watching the trailer, and before you knew it, you were fully invested in the movie and actually laughing at some of the cringe-inducing moments but also blatantly honest humor present throughout the story. 

You were so invested that you jumped when your phone began to loudly buzz on the coffee table. You paused the movie and leaned forward to glance at the screen that had just turned on with a notification, sighing tiredly when you saw the name on it.

You picked up your phone and clicked on the message.

Just got back to the hotel. Long day. I’ll be up for a bit though. Call me if you want.

You pressed your lips together, thinking it over for a moment. You still hadn’t spoken to Jensen since your terse call earlier and you had cowardly kept your phone off for the rest of the day. Which meant that when you turned it back on the minute you walked back in your door, you had several voicemail messages (two were from him) and quite a few text messages (most were from him) suddenly blowing up the device. Everything from justified disbelief to annoyance to explanations to apologies to requests for you to answer him saturated your last several text messages. You hadn’t responded to anything from him just yet; you had been waiting until you felt ready to embark on that conversation, not sure how much you wanted to delve into when you both had it. He would want to know exactly why that joke had upset you, as any other person naturally would, and you weren’t sure if you felt comfortable enough to tell him and dump some of that crazy of yours at his feet. You knew you weren’t crazy obviously, but how could you tell your best friend that his doing a part of his job (successfully you might add) bothered you? And that you got mad at him for it? What, was he supposed to change that up because it hurt your feelings or added to your discomfort with said part of his job? Now, that was crazy. 

You took a deep breath, ate a few more raisins, sipped your water, and decided the hell with it. Time to face the music. You pressed the phone icon next to his name and put your bluetooth in, waiting for the call to connect as you braced yourself for any justified irritation you might encounter. You were going to rip the band-aid off and apologize; he deserved nothing less from you after you had avoided him all day. 

“Hey,” his voice greeted you warmly, something you hadn’t been expecting. It completely disarmed you, especially when you could hear the exhaustion lacing his tone. 

“Hey.”

“You ready to talk now?”

You hadn’t really been truly ready about a moment ago even though you were going to push through it. But now, hearing the tired voice of your best friend after a long day of not being able to talk to him because you felt like you couldn’t — yes, you were. “Um, yeah.”

“Good.” You could hear him shifting in the background, letting out a weary sigh as he presumably settled wherever he had moved to. “Are you going to tell me why?”

You bit at your lip. “I just didn’t care for it, I guess.” You then dropped your head into your hands. Oh God, you did sound crazy. 

“Oh-kay. Was it the word choice? Because I only—”

“No. No, it…” You expelled your own sigh, frustrated with yourself. “It had nothing to do with any of that.”

“Then what did it have to do with?”

You chewed at your thumbnail, not really wanting to tell him since you would sound even worse than you already did. 

“Y/N,” he prompted. “What pissed you off about it?”

You dropped your hand to your lap and shook your head. Fuck it. “I just hate the forced performativity sometimes, okay? I get it, it’s part of your job, and I need to just shut up and stay in my lane. But you’re my best friend, I care about you, and sometimes I really, really dislike watching or hearing that side of you. Which is exactly why I choose not to engage with that world you’re in. Because to me, no matter how good you are at your job, and you’re incredible at it obviously, that performative bullshit isn’t you. Not the you I’ve gotten to know, anyway, and certainly not at that level. Like, sure, you try to make people laugh all the time and crack jokes, and I know you were probably a little nervous being on that panel so you had to break the ice somehow, I get it, but Jesus, Jensen. I just…” You let out another sigh and pinched the bridge of your nose, clenching your eyes shut. “I’m just not a fan of when you have to tap into that. I feel like sometimes you say things for the audience’s sake that just make me cringe sometimes and that I just can’t get behind. And that pisses me off because I want to support you but when you say shit like that, like some of the soundbites you’ve had these past few months, I just can’t. And I hate that, because I know that’s not you. And I absolutely fucking hate how judgmental I know I’m being right now but I can’t help how I feel. So that is what pissed me off about that stupid, insensitive, frat boy-ish, sexist, and quite frankly ageist joke, okay?”

A deafening silence filled the conversation then and you mentally cursed at yourself. Great. Well, this might be the end of your friendship and where you two parted ways. While the idea of it broke your heart, you couldn’t really blame him. You had just unleashed an incoherent rant of a word salad that anyone might take a second look at the concept of continuing a friendship with you for. You had called him to apologize…how had you gone this far off the intended track?

“Okay.”

Your eyes snapped open. “Okay?”

“Y/N,” he started gently, sounding like some guy on a nature documentary or something who was trying to soothe a wild animal into not seeing him as a threat. “It was meant to be a joke for the character. Just something to make people laugh while staying in character.”

“I know that. I get it, but—”

“There’s nothing more to it than that for me. We were promoting the prequel, promoting the last season, they even had me sit next to Ant since we’re going to dive deep into the whole Soldier Boy and Homelander dynamic when production picks back up. That’s all it was.”

Guilt and shame started to gnaw at you. He had explained these things to you, back when you were getting to know him, and he took you through the ins and outs of his job — even the things the public didn’t see or know about too much.  

“As for the other stuff, I have to be honest, I’m not really sure what to say. I know you’re not crazy about any of it. I’ve known that for a while now. Every time you turn me down when I ask you to come to one of these things, always with the excuse of work or having to go to court. I didn’t push you on it because I figured maybe someday you’d be comfortable enough to say yes and let me show you how it all works. I get what you’re saying, I do…but, it’s my job, sweetheart.”

The term of endearment brought you up short and then made you feel even worse. It’s not that he hadn’t used it before, but something about the sad resignation that coated his voice right then caught your attention. What did he feel resigned to? “I know,” you whispered. “And I’m sorry.”

“Me, too.” His voice sounded a little thicker than before that had your brows knitting together. If you didn’t know any better, he sounded slightly upset. Perhaps this had definitely been a step too far and he was now going to give you the boot. Or perhaps it was something else…something else he hadn’t told you yet that was bothering him and that’s why he had wanted to talk to you today when he asked yesterday what the best time to call you was. Oh shit.

“Jensen?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?”

He cleared his throat and you could hear him moving again, presumably sitting up. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay. Are you?”

You let out a quiet breath of relief when he sounded better than he had a moment ago. “Yeah.” You let a moment pass before you asked, ”You sure?”

“Yep.”

“Okay.”

Another minute of silence happened, slightly less tense than before but a little more awkward. Like neither of you knew where to go from here and you both were waiting for the other to break it to give you some sort of direction.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?” 

“Is that it?” His voice broke at the end of his question but he cleared his throat once more. “Are we…done?”

It suddenly hit you what he was really asking, why he sounded so resigned earlier. Your heart broke a little more at the realization and you silently cursed yourself again. Instinctually, you knew exactly what to say to lead you both out of this pool of uncertainty you had unwittingly pushed you both into. You let out an amused snort. “Dude, you saddled me with an angry poltergeist that cost me a small fortune in repairs and I didn’t show you the door then. What makes you think I would now just because you were doing your job?”

Another moment of quiet passed and you started to worry that you had ruined everything when he finally responded with, “I can’t believe you’re still going on about that. And I offered to pay for those repairs even though we both know ghosts don’t really exist.”

Your lips relaxed into a relieved smile. “Says the ghost magnet who knows they do exist.”

“Oh my God,” he muttered into the phone. “How is it that a successful lawyer like yourself still believes in that crap?”

“Probably because said crap destroyed my house while I had to stay in a hotel for two weeks. And how is it that a guy who played a ghost hunter for fifteen years, who dropped a very real ghost on my doorstep and saw the damage it did live on facetime still doesn’t believe in that crap?”

“Because they don’t exist.”

“They do.”

“They don’t.”

“They do and you know it. Otherwise, you wouldn’t let me smudge you every time you drop by.”

“I only let you do that because it makes you happy and this way I only have to hear ten times that night how I supposedly brought a temperamental ghost the last time I walked in without being cleansed, compared to the usual fifty if I don’t.”

“Oooh, buddy, guess what you’re getting for Christmas this year,” you teased. “I’m placing the order online right now.”

“Christ,” he mumbled. “Don’t you dare or you know what I’ll be sending you in return.” 

“You better not. I’ll hand deliver it to your doorstep and let your ghost friends have fun with it and you.” You weren’t really going to mass order sage and send it to him like you had threatened a few times before which had prompted him to threaten to send you several ouija boards in retaliation. Your friendship was a strange one sometimes, you’d be the first to admit it, but truthfully, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Thinking about that, your smile faded and you pressed your lips together. “Jensen?”

“Mmm?”

“I really am sorry.” You truly were. You felt badly for even getting pissed at him in the first place. You still weren’t entirely sure why seeing him like that bothered you so much, despite already knowing the performativity was part of his job. It didn’t change the Jensen you knew and when he was on, it didn’t affect you. So why would it disturb you that deeply? You refused to look at it any closer, though; you had done enough living in your head for one day. And right now, you wanted to make things right with your best friend.

“It’s okay.” From the way he said it, you knew he was telling the truth. “But can you promise me one thing?”

“Yeah,” you whispered.

“Can you just…talk to me next time and not ice me out like you did? I was wracking my brains all day trying to figure out why that joke would bother you enough for you to clam up and push me away like you did. You’ve never done that before, no matter how pissed off I made you or whatever arguments we’ve had, and I just— I need for you to talk to me when that happens. No matter how pissed you are. I know that you need your space sometimes, I do too, but…don’t shut me out. Not like that. Okay?”

“Okay,” you choked out, clearing your throat and scrubbing a tear from your cheeks. You were definitely not on the verge of crying. Not at all.

“We’re still going to talk about the job thing but I’d rather do that in person if you don’t mind,” he murmured. “I don’t really want to have that conversation over the phone.” 

“Okay,” you repeated. 

After a moment he asked, “So, what are you up to right now?”

You wiped away another tear that was absolutely not rolling down your cheek. “Um, just watching a movie.”

“Oh yeah? What movie?”

“Uh, Anyone But You? The new Glen Powell movie on Netflix?”

“Glen Powell,” he scoffed, making you smile when you heard his tell-tale annoyance at the mention of your current celebrity crush. While you both loved the Top Gun movies, something you had in common, he had finally figured out why you wanted to watch the sequel more times than the original. He would literally grumble and wear his grumpy Dean expression, much like you imagined he was now. Sure enough, he grumbled, “What do you see in that guy?”

You couldn’t help but huff out a chuckle. “Everything you don’t.” You stared at the image on the screen of a shirtless, wet Glen that you had paused on. “Like lots and lots of muscles,” you answered honestly as you eyed the fine looking man on your television. You were biting your lip again but this time for a whole other reason.

“Muscles,” he muttered. 

“And the most gorgeous green eyes you’ve ever seen,” you added. 

“Seriously?”

“And a killer smile. Plus, he’s from Texas, did you know that? Austin, your old neck of the woods.” You knew he knew all of this but you couldn’t resist needling him a little. His reactions were always amusing as hell.

“Oh yeah, I know,” he said in a mocking tone that betrayed that he was less than thrilled at your listing off of Glen’s attributes.

“You know, maybe I should take you up on your offer to go to one of these public events if he’s also going to be there.”

“That’s why you would finally say yes?”

“Among other things,” you teased.

“If I find out he’s going to be there, I’m not inviting you.”

“Jensen!”

“I’m just kidding…maybe.”

“You better be,” you growled.

“Yeah, yeah. Glen Powell,” he muttered again, making you smirk. “Lots and lots of muscles, green eyes, killer smile, from Texas…” An aggravated sigh came down the line. “Fine. What part of the movie are you on?”

“No, you have to watch it from the beginning. I’ll watch with you.” You eagerly clicked out of the movie and went back to its menu.

“So you can see more of Glen’s fine muscles?”

“It’s about the definition, not the bulk.”

“Uh huh.” He faked a gagging sound, making you chuckle. “You’re lucky I care about your happiness, Y/N. That’s the only reason I’m even indulging in this ogle fest masquerading as a chick flick.”

“Hey, it’s not a chick flick and Sydney Sweeney is in it, too, so don’t act like this great selfless sacrifice you’re making is going to be hellish torture for you.”

“Sydney Sweeney? Now, why didn’t you start out with that? Hell yes, we’re watching this movie. Let’s go.” 

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head and smiling. Typical. “You ready?”

“Not sure how long I’m going to last before it puts me to sleep, but yeah, ready when you are.”

“Okay.” You pressed the start button and saw the familiar production logos pop up.

A moment later you heard, “Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really glad you called.”

You couldn’t help but smile as you laid your head down on your couch pillow. “Me, too.” And you were. Regardless of anything else, no matter your disagreements past or present, first and foremost he was your best friend. As he began to tease you when Glen first appeared on screen, you couldn’t help but smile; in the end, that was all that mattered.

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[thebiggerbear]

"What do you see in him?" "Everything you don't." - Jake Gray Prompt Response

Summary: When you go with Jake to visit his mom, you encounter a young woman who inexplicably sets you on edge and has you sticking that much closer to the boy who has your heart.

Pairing: Jake Gray x Female!Reader

A/N: This is part of the Soldier Boy/Beau Arlen/Dean Winchester/CJ Braxton/Alec McDowell/Jason Teague/Tom Hanniger/Russell Shaw/Boaz Priestly/Jake Gray/Jensen RPF prompt response project I’ve been working on the last month. This is the idea that popped into my head for it. It's my first time posting for this character so I'm a little nervous. Hope it turned out okay.

All unbeta'd.

Warnings: angst; mild smut; a smidgen of horror (kind of)

Word Count: 6894

Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187; @rieleatiel; @hobby27; @impala67rollingthroughtown

Jake Gray Taglist: @call-me-mrs-winchester; @solacedthistest; @deansimpala; @foxyjwls007; @onlyangel-444

Jensen Taglist: @samanddeaninatrenchcoat; @deansbbyx; @lyarr24; @bts24; @deans-spinster-witch; @rebel-paladin; @nancymcl; @c1gs-coffee; @peachhiz; @kickingitwithkirk

Beau Arlen | Dean Winchester | CJ Braxton | Soldier Boy | Jason Teague | Boaz Priestly | Russell Shaw | Tom Hanniger | Jensen Ackles RPF | Alec McDowell

You smiled as you watched Jake talking with his mother a little bit away from where you stood. You had offered to go get drinks from the vending machine to give them some time alone to catch up. Jake’s birthday had just passed and you knew it had been a bit of a rough one for him on the homefront. He and his dad didn’t really get along or have too much to talk about when they occasionally did, though Jake tried his hardest to make it work.

Out of the corner of your eye, someone came to a stop next to you. You could see it was one of the nurses, a young woman, staring in the same direction you were.

After a moment, you heard her ask, “What do you see in him?”

Your head snapped towards her and you could see the nurse was younger than you’d initially thought, perhaps only a year or two older than you. “Excuse me?”

She turned to look at you and you immediately felt an icy chill run down your spine. She was beautiful but her hazel eyes…there was something about those eyes and the way they were intent on you that made you feel as if she were a predator assessing her prey. Even the small disarming smile she gave you was anything but. “Him.” She gestured towards Jake with an inclination of her head. You felt frozen to the spot. “Your boyfriend, I take it?” 

You couldn’t help but nod, still not sure what to make of why you were suddenly consumed with something that felt an awful lot like fear. Was this woman a serial killer perhaps? Didn’t people say that if your instincts felt off about someone, if they were screaming at you like yours were, to get away from the person as fast as possible? 

“So, what do you see in him?” She asked again.

You worriedly glanced in Jake’s direction. You watched as he laughed at something his mom said and rubbed her arm. 

“Well?” The woman demanded impatiently.

Any other person you might have walked away from or politely told them that it wasn’t their business, but you didn’t feel you could do either. So instead, you did exactly what you’d been raised to do, from imaginary monsters in your closet to school bullies — never show the fear you were feeling. You turned to look her dead in the eyes no matter how uncomfortable it made you and lifted your chin. “Everything you don’t.”

Her eyes flickered in Jake’s direction but you didn’t look away from her. After a moment, her gaze returned to you and roamed over you in a final assessment as she slowly nodded. “Pity.” And with that, she finally walked away. 

But instead of the air feeling lighter without her in it, the dread you felt only increased. Something told you that you and Jake were on her radar now and that was not a good place to be. The logical part of your brain thought it was ridiculous to feel that way but you had learned to always listen to your instincts. So you settled for a healthy dose of caution, mentally said a small prayer,  and hightailed it back to Jake and his mom. You hadn’t wanted to interrupt their time together but you also didn’t feel it was safe to be out here on your own, even though you were just a few feet away in a semi-crowded courtyard. 

Jake warmly smiled up at you as you approached. “Hey.”

You returned his smile though you knew yours was strained. “Hey.” You handed him his soda and turned to greet his mom as you sat down next to him. “Hi, Kathy. How are you?”

“Oh, you know. Still dancing.”

You chuckled and Jake shook his head. “She’s quite the comedian today, isn’t she?” 

“She is.” You forced your smile wider for their sakes. 

His brows furrowed as he studied you; he knew something was wrong. “Hey, you okay?” He asked quietly after leaning in a bit.

You nodded and opened your soda to find something to do. Despite the interaction with the nosy woman shaking you up, it amazed you that this cold dread continued to plague you. You wondered if you should tell Jake about the strange encounter; she had been wearing a nurse’s uniform after all. Should both of you really leave Kathy here in her care? Anyone here really?

Jake wasn’t buying your response but he let it go for now, opting to throw an arm around your shoulders instead and pull you into him, kissing the side of your head. You nearly sighed in relief when he settled you against him. The bad feeling never really went away but you felt slightly better having him hold you, like as long as he had you in his hold you both would be safe. Despite the oddity of the interaction you’d had just moments before, you had meant what you said to the woman. 

You loved Jake and you knew he loved you. It had taken you both a while to get here, what with the whole Dakota thing and your parents not being a fan of his father. They thought Jake was nice enough and they even felt badly for him when they discovered how strained his relationship with Paul really was. That had resulted in them extending several invitations to the younger Gray for family dinners throughout the years and even your dad attempting to bond with Jake more once you two began dating. 

Your friends weren’t crazy about him, though. They’d seen him partying a few times with Conrad and Dakota back in high school and sadly, they had already formed their own opinions of him that weren’t likely to change anytime soon. They didn’t believe he cared about you as much as you cared about him, that you were only a convenient placeholder for him until he found what he was really looking for — though what that could be they had no idea when you questioned them on it. They just didn’t trust him and they were convinced he and Dakota still had something going on when you weren’t around. You knew there wasn’t and that Jake would never do that to you or use you as they claimed — not you. You also knew he wasn’t bored with you as one friend of yours, Janine, had insisted. She had even told you that you were too much of a good girl for him, being a reverend’s daughter and all. Needless to say, you and Janine hadn’t spoken in a while; her assertion had hurt more than anything else your friends had thrown at you from the minute you told them that you and Jake were together. So even if the nurse hadn’t freaked you out just before, you still would’ve given her that same answer. You were used to defending Jake and your relationship with him.  

You saw the good in him, how hard he tried to be what his parents wanted him to be, to live up to their vision of the future for him. He was smart — you couldn’t even begin to count the amount of times he had worked on your parents’ home computer without complaint. He had incredible patience, fielding any and all questions your dad threw his way the night he picked you up for your first official date though the man had known him for years. He respected all of the rules you two had been given, your curfew (despite your being a full-fledged college student), and your mom and dad in general. He was kind, generous to a fault, and he was good to you. He never pushed for more than you were ready for and he was always there for you. 

Kathy smiled as she studied the two of you. “You two are cute together.”

You returned her smile; this time it was a genuine one.

Jake chuckled and kissed your head one more time. “Yeah, yeah,” he joked, taking your hand and intertwining your fingers as he turned to look at his mother. “Speaking of cute, the picture you sent me yesterday was a good one.”

You tried your best to focus on the conversation between mother and son but in your peripherals, you could see the nurse again. She was there on the edge of your vision, watching, waiting — waiting for what though you couldn’t be sure. You wrapped your arms around Jake’s torso and hugged him to you, laying your head on his shoulder. He grinned down at you and pressed his lips to your forehead, wrapping his arm around you tighter and pulling you closer, before resuming talking to his mom. As you watched Kathy, who gave you a kind smile before looking back to her son, you felt guilt begin to swallow you up inside. How could you leave here without telling Jake what you’d felt? When there was a break in the conversation, you compulsively swallowed and you were about to murmur to Jake that you needed to talk to him privately for a moment when he called out to someone in the distance. “Excuse me, Nurse! Can we get a blanke—”

When he stopped, you glanced up at him, seeing an altogether different smile on his face — one you had never seen before in all of the time you’d known him. Your eyes flickered in the direction he was looking and not only did your heart drop to your feet, but that cold dread was back in full force. It was the nurse from before and her smile matched his. She approached and your stomach clenched. Jake removed his arm from around you and you attempted to grab onto him tighter in your inexplicable fear but he gently broke out of your hold and leaned forward eagerly. “It’s you.” You worriedly glanced back and forth between them; they knew one another.

The woman smiled wider as she got closer. “It’s me.”

Your jaw practically dropped as Jake seemed to forget all about you and his mom while he spoke to the nurse whose name turned out to be Marisol. They had met before at Jake’s job and you could clearly see a spark between them that cracked your heart inside your chest. This time, Kathy gave you a sad and knowing smile; as well as you knew Jake, she knew her son better than anyone. 

“Jake?” You choked out in a whisper.

His head snapped back in your direction, his beaming smile dropping when he saw the tears building in your eyes. It was as if your Jake had suddenly returned. He immediately cupped your cheeks, his brows furrowing. “Hey,” he murmured. “What’s wrong?”

Before you could answer, Marisol added, “I’ll just go get that blanket for you.” Jake looked up at her, nodding, before turning back to you. The nurse patted Kathy’s shoulder as she passed, sending you a wicked smirk that neither mother nor son saw. It was one you never wished to see again, especially when the icy dread traveled down your spine once more. 

When she was gone, you found Jake watching your expression, concerned. “Y/N, what’s wrong?”

“You know her?”

His lips parted in surprise, obviously not having expected you to ask that question, and you didn’t miss it when he pulled back from you. You now felt cold from where his touch had been moments before. “Uh, yeah. She brought her laptop into the shop. There was a piece of wax stuck inside near the motherboard.”

Your eyes widened slightly when you heard the wax mention but Jake mistook your reaction for something else and he immediately took your hand in his, giving you a reassuring smile. “You know you’re my girl, right?”

You noticed Kathy watching you two closely out of the corner of your eye and you forced a smile onto your face. “Right.”

Jake’s grin grew and he wrapped his arm back around you and pulled you into him, rubbing your back as he continued his conversation with his mother. You tensed against him when Marisol returned with the promised blanket and a warm “Enjoy the rest of your visit” to Jake. He must have felt your reaction because he politely thanked her and held onto you tighter, waiting for her to leave before he kissed your forehead and let you go to spread the blanket over his mom. Over her son’s head, Kathy gave you a reassuring smile of her own — right, you had nothing to worry about. Jake loved you; you were the one he had asked to accompany him to see his mother who meant the world to him. Not Dakota, not any other girl, and not even this Marisol, despite their meeting outside of here and the obvious chemistry between them.

But when you felt compelled to look across the courtyard and you saw Marisol’s wicked smirk from earlier still pointed in your direction from over her shoulder, you suddenly realized that Jake’s loving you wasn’t what you were worried about. His obviously warm reception of her wasn’t the threat you felt. Almost as if she knew what you were thinking, Marisol’s smirk grew when her eyes briefly dropped to Jake leaned down next to you, still covering his mom to keep her warm. She stayed focused on him for a moment, her features reflecting something that looked a lot like determination, before she set her gaze forward and continued on her trek away from you all. 

You placed a hand on Jake’s shoulder, causing him to shoot you a quick smile before focusing back on his mom. You said a silent prayer, asking for divine protection for Kathy, Paul, everyone here, you and your family, and of course, the boy underneath your touch — the boy who had always held your heart. No, Jake’s turning from you was the least of your worries, because that grin of Marisol’s had been accompanied by a whisper deep within you: Evil. You weren’t sure why you had that thought, why you were so certain it wasn’t an irrational one that could be rooted in jealousy or insecurity, but you knew enough by now to listen to what your instincts were telling you. 

So when Jake sat back up and informed his mom that he unfortunately had to leave for work, you quickly said goodbye to Kathy, stooping down to give her a hug and kiss on the cheek, and eagerly followed Jake out of the courtyard. You kept your hand in his, holding onto him, while you scanned the path in front of you. Thankfully, neither of you encountered Marisol again and you were only able to breathe more freely once Jake’s Jeep was back on the road, headed far away from that place. 

You kept Jake’s hand in your lap as you stared out the passenger window at the passing scenery. You fully intended on talking to your father about this experience and asking for his guidance. You just couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something dangerous about that woman, almost in a spiritual sense, and that she posed a serious risk to Jake and even to you.

You briefly remembered his reaction to the woman, how he had willfully entered the bubble between them and forgot about everyone else. You forced the quickly forming lump down your throat. And to think, you had thought Dakota would be the one to come between you back in the day. 

“Hey.”

Jake’s voice jarred you from your thoughts and you realized he had pulled over on the side of a quiet back road. You had been so focused on wondering what could be done to protect Jake, to keep him from Marisol, and what you could even say that wouldn’t have you sounding like you were crazy or jealous, that you hadn’t even noticed the car had come to a stop. 

Your boyfriend’s brows furrowed as he studied you. “You sure you’re okay?”

You attempted to give him a reassuring smile. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Because you haven’t said one word since we left.”

The concern you saw in his green eyes had you wanting to tell him everything. You always had been able to, ever since you were kids. Ever since you had decided in all of your five year old wisdom that he was going to be your best friend when you saw him sitting alone on the kindergarten playground and watching the other children play. But you had seen the delighted smile he had given Marisol, the way he had carefully pulled away from you and centered all of his attention on her despite your presence and Kathy’s…you weren’t so sure he would believe you. 

“I guess I’m just a little more tired than I thought.” 

After seeing Jake the night before for a birthday dinner with your family, you knew Conrad and Dakota were itching to get him to themselves to properly celebrate his 21st, so you kissed him, told him to be careful while also having fun, and sent him on his way. You had a paper for your Behavioral Psych class to finish which would mean a late night for you, and you weren’t much of a partyer but you wanted him to enjoy himself. He had told you quietly before the food had been served about his dad’s somewhat indifferent attempt to acknowledge the day. You had seen how much it still bothered him, even when you all sang “Happy Birthday” to him and cheered when he blew out the candles on the cake you and your mother had made. Afterwards, when he was saying goodbye on your front porch, you had hugged him and whispered in his ear, “I know it’s your birthday but I’m grateful every day that you were born. I love you, Jake.” He had tightened his arms around you and buried his head into your shoulder for a moment before lifting up to tenderly frame your face with hands and kiss you deeply.

So, you leaned into the tired claim as a plausible explanation for your keeping quiet…for now.  

Jake obviously wasn’t buying it. He undid his seat belt and turned in his seat to face you, cupping your chin and staring into your eyes. “You know how much you mean to me, Y/N, don’t you?”

Your smile grew a little and you nodded.

His gaze continued searching yours for a few extra heartbeats before he leaned in to kiss you. As his lips moved with yours, you felt his other hand suddenly on your bare thigh, beginning to slowly inch upwards underneath the material of your dress. His thumb brushed against your inner thigh, making you gasp into his mouth as fire quickly traveled throughout the lower half of your body. You marveled that a single touch from him in that particular area could set you aflame so quickly. It wasn’t that you hadn’t made out before — with him and two others — and done some light petting here and there, but you usually stopped short of allowing anyone to touch you there. Which is also probably why Jake froze for a moment at your reaction and when you didn’t immediately pull away, he tilted his head and kissed you more fervently, slipping his tongue past your lips. His hand quickly slid upwards and his fingertips brushed against your panties, eliciting a tiny moan from you. 

Before you knew it, your seatbelt was undone and he had you in his lap, moving the material of your dress out of the way to push you down onto a quickly forming bulge in his jeans. It was something you had felt before but not right up against you like this. You broke the kiss, gasping in shock at the feeling, and stared into his eyes that were a shade darker than a mere minute ago. He watched you back as you both gulped for air, neither of you moving and waiting to see what the other one would do. 

He gently moved your hair away from your face and you could see the adoration in his gaze that he had always held for you, though it seemed to be bordered by something you had recently come to know as lust. You could only wonder what he was seeing in your own gaze right that second. 

“This okay?” He asked quietly, checking in with you.

You slowly nodded. Normally, by now, you would be pulling back with the intention of cooling you both down before you went too far. However, any sensical thinking on your part had gone straight out the window — you just wanted.

He gave you a smile and then his hands traveled down to your hips, applying pressure and pushing your lower half closer to his before easing up. He repeated the motion a few times, causing the breath to catch in your chest. Oh, that was very pleasant. You moaned when he did it again and then launched yourself at him, kissing him passionately and your hands gripping at his hair. You began moving your hips yourself without any assistance from him, desperate to pursue the feeling he had started within you, and he plundered your mouth mercilessly. When he let out a deep groan, you increased the speed of your rhythm and pulled away from him to gasp when you felt his body begin to move to meet yours. He leaned forward and latched his lips onto your neck, in that one spot that was always the most sensitive, and you hummed your approval. 

The car was slightly rocking around you and Jake’s mouth had trailed down to the neckline of your dress. Before he could pull the material down to expose your cleavage, you grabbed at his hair and pulled him back. That’s not what you wanted right now; what you wanted was to keep this feeling going. You lowered your hands and ripped his shirt open, sending buttons flying everywhere and exposing the t-shirt underneath.

He grinned up at you, chuckling. “So much for that shirt.”

You returned the smile before grabbing him and kissing him again, moaning into his mouth as you rocked back and forth on him. He started unbuttoning your dress but you immediately pulled away to peel it off of you and toss it aside, leaving you in your slip. He watched you intently and immediately began placing kisses on every inch of exposed skin he could reach, his fingers greedily pulling the straps down your shoulders along with your bra straps. Your teeth dug into your bottom lip as you felt his warm breath skate across your chest in between kisses. Once he reached your collarbone and moved his way back up to your neck, you hummed in appreciation and pressed a tender kiss to the side of his head.   

“God, I love you, Jake,” you breathily moaned. “So much.”

Jake suddenly pulled back, grasped your face, and rewarded you with another deep kiss. He yanked up your slip as high as it would go without tearing and then gripped your hips, moving you more expertly against him. You gasped and grabbed at him, burying your face into his neck as he panted and moaned against your shoulder. You felt a foreign feeling rising within you, one that you had only ever had in dreams before where you and Jake were in a bed and there were far less clothes involved. The lower region of your body began to have its own pulse at the same time, throbbing more intensely with every meeting of your hips. And now all of these feelings were about to wash over you; you felt as if you were on the edge of something — something massive. This was the farthest you and Jake had ever gone; this was the farthest you had ever gone with anyone. Jake raced you both to that precipice, his sounds echoing in your ear only continuing to escalate that feeling within you.

Just as you were about to give into that sensation, just as you were about to fall over that edge, Jake pulled back, breathing heavily and staring intently into your eyes. You cupped his cheeks and placed your forehead against his, knowing exactly what he needed to hear at that moment even if he didn’t. “I love you,” you moaned. “And I will never leave you.” Had you been thinking in that second, you might have thought that was an odd statement to make. Not that you hadn’t told him these things in one form or another and you deeply meant the sentiments but why now? Why was that what he needed to hear from you right then? And as well as you knew him, how did you just know the exact words to say that he had subconsciously been looking for from you?

The lack of a rational answer ceased to matter when he immediately tensed and gasped, pushing himself up against you one final time by lifting his hips slightly out of his seat and letting out a loud grunt. Watching him in fascination and feeling something warm and slightly damp through the thin layer of your panties that had nothing to do with your own body finally pushed you off of that cliff. You tensed as well and before you could close your eyes, Jake’s hands were on your face and he watched you with rapt attention, never letting you look away from him once as his chest heaved in and out rapidly. The cry you let out might have embarrassed you in any other situation but the body-wide explosion you were currently experiencing didn’t make room for you to be worried about such a trivial thing. Especially when Jake graced you with an adoring smile and tenderly moved your hair away from your face, staring at you as if you were everything to him in that moment.

Once the fireworks stopped, you collapsed against him, breathing heavily, your body feeling completely boneless. You were even trembling slightly. So, that was what an orgasm felt like. You could see what the big deal was, why people enjoyed chasing the feeling, even why some risked everything to reach that height only to fall off of it repeatedly. Your body tingled, from your scalp to your lower extremities, and chills ran through you, prompting you to cozy up to him a little more.

Jake tightened his arms around you and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. After a moment, he tenderly rubbed your back with both hands and gently nuzzled you. “Are you okay?”

“Better than okay,” you murmured.

A happy smile blossomed on his lips. “That was amazing.”

You gave him a tired one in return. “It was. Though it’s very…damp.”

“Yeah.” He chuckled and kissed your nose, pulling you more into him and sighing contentedly into your neck. You closed your eyes and reveled in the feeling of being this close to him. You carded your fingers through the back of his hair in a tender and soothing gesture.

You stayed like that for however long until you remembered you would have to let him go so he could continue driving to drop you off before work. “Are you still coming to movie night after your shift?” You murmured.

“Depends. Are you going to fuck me for real this time? Or do I need to go to Marisol for that?”

Your eyes snapped open in shock. You sat back up to look at him, wondering where that had come from and beyond hurt, when your heart stopped inside your chest. In Jake’s place was a horrible looking beast with horns, pointed teeth in a shark-like smile, and dark eyes — eyes that were sharply focused on you. Your blood froze when a horrifying and monstrous hand reached for you, the smile widening. You gasped loudly in terror and immediately moved away, your back hitting the steering wheel while a scream was stuck in your throat. The hand was inches away from your face when it suddenly dropped and covered your bare knee, shaking it. You flinched from the contact, your eyes clenching shut, as you tried to get the scream out, to get away from whatever this horror was.

“Hey,” Jake’s voice gently called.

You jumped at hearing him in such close proximity and your eyes suddenly opened. Jake had his hand on your knee and he was giving you a small smile. You immediately realized that you were back in the passenger seat, fully clothed, and so was he, buttons and all. You worriedly glanced around, noting that you were parked in front of your house, your dad was pretending to water the lawn, and there was no horrifying beast in sight. You sat up fully and quickly scanned the back of the car and around you both, your wide eyes coming to a stop on Jake. 

His brows knitted together in concern as he watched you. “Bad dream?”

“Dream?” You whispered.

His smile turned into a reassuring one. “You fell asleep on me.”

You cautiously checked your peripherals but still no horns, no razor-sharp teeth, and no terrifying dark eyes. Oh God, those eyes. You shuddered at the memory of that penetrating gaze, as if it could see into your soul, wanting to gleefully rip apart whatever it found. 

“Yeah. Right after we left. I knew you didn’t get much sleep last night so I didn’t want to wake you until we got here.” Jake’s smile grew as he squeezed your knee.

“S-So, we never pulled over?”

Confusion blanketed his expression before he chuckled. “No. Why? Did you dream that?”

You still felt disoriented, almost in disbelief that this was the reality you found yourself in. That dream had felt very real; you still felt the evidence of it down below. One discreet glance at Jake’s lower half, though, was the final evidence that it had indeed been a dream. You held a hand up to your forehead, subconsciously checking for any sign of injury there or a feeling of heat against your skin, still uncertain why your dream had such a terrifying ending, and closed your eyes when you found neither. “Um, yeah, I guess,” you mumbled.

Jake chuckled again and you felt him place a kiss to your left temple. “You’re cute when you first wake up, you know that?” He then dropped his lips to your ear. “Next time, I will definitely pull over and make sure you stay awake.”

Normally, his flirty tone laced with implication would make your cheeks burn a little and prompt you to tease him back, but not this time. You were still too disturbed by your dream for any light-hearted banter. Why had you dreamed about that monster? Where did it even come from?   

Jake lifted his head and glanced out your window. “Your dad’s been watering the same section of the lawn for the last five minutes. I guess I’d better get going.”

You followed his gaze and noted the rigid posture of your father, looking in your direction out of the corner of his eye. “Yeah,” you agreed with a sad sigh. 

“Hey.” Jake cupped your chin and forced you to meet his assessing gaze. “Are you really okay?”

You wanted to tell him about what you had seen, what you’d felt, but for some reason, you felt as if you couldn’t. That bothered you; you usually told Jake everything, but it would make you sound crazy. So instead, you forced your mouth into a reassuring smile. “Yeah. Just a…bad dream like you said.”

He studied you for a moment, not really seeming as if he believed you, but he appeared to decide not to press further. He nodded and leaned in, pressing his lips to yours in a brief but tender kiss before letting you go and moving back into his seat. “Thanks for coming with me today. My mom always enjoys seeing you.”

You reached for the door handle. “I always enjoy seeing her, too.”

A hint of an affectionate smile formed on his face and he squeezed your shoulder. “I’ll see you around 8 for movie night.”

You froze at the familiar words that prompted your nightmare to come back to you. You involuntarily shuddered once more and an immediate inexplicable fear overwhelmed you. For some sudden unknown reason, you didn’t want Jake out of your sight. You wanted him with you, in your house, surrounded by your family. Your instincts were gnawing at you once more.

You took his hand in yours and intertwined your fingers. “Jake.”

His brows furrowed once more, his gaze flickering from your joined hands to you. 

“Do you think you can call in sick and stay here with me? Just this once?”

His eyes widened slightly in surprise. You never asked him to miss work or play hooky when it came to his classes. Not once. Guilt fleeted across his expression, making you the suddenly confused one, until you saw the reassuring smile from earlier make a reappearance. “Yeah, sweetheart. I’ll stay.”

You responded with your own smile, feeling relief blooming in your chest, and released his hand to tenderly stroke his cheek. “Thank you,” you murmured.

He turned to press a kiss to your palm and shot you his adorable yet devilish grin that made your heart leap inside your chest, right before he climbed out of the car. You did the same and he met you near the hood of his Jeep, wrapping an arm around you and kissing the side of your head.

“Hey, you two,” your dad loudly greeted, all pretense of being fascinated with the grass over. “You’re just in time. Joan wants to order sushi for movie night but I’ve been trying to talk her into getting pizza instead.” You knew your mother was trying to get him to eat healthier after his latest doctor visit. It was a constant battle since your dad was a creature of habit, but it didn’t mean she wouldn’t keep trying, though. “You both can help me convince her.” He adjusted his glasses, turned the sprayer off, and began moving to coil up the water hose. 

“Okay,” you called, still distracted. 

Jake took note of your easy agreement, something that was uncharacteristic of you since you had been trying to provide support to your mom in her mission to keep unhealthy food from making its way into the house on a daily basis. He peered down at your face, really studying you. “Hey, are you really okay?”

You could see the worry staring back at you and you framed his face with your hands. “I’m okay,” you reassured him. “Just…stay with me tonight…okay?”

He nodded, his green eyes searching yours, uncertainty mixing with concern lining his expression. After a moment, he murmured, “You know I love you, right?”

You couldn’t help the smile that fought its way onto your face in response. “I know and I love you, too,” you whispered in reassurance before moving him to meet you in a sweet kiss. Something else that had Jake holding you a little closer and burying his fingers into your back as if he was afraid to let go of you; you never kissed Jake in front of your parents — not like this. 

Your dad’s purposeful loud clearing of his throat following your action served as a reminder why. “The pizza?” From his annoyed tone, you knew that the food was the last thing on his mind.

Truthfully, it was the furthest thing from yours and Jake’s as well. Neither of you pulled apart, your lips still moving together, and you wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him closer to you as his snaked around your waist to do the same. Only when your dad let out an extremely loud and clearly forced cough did you both move back a couple of millimeters, but you still remained within a hair’s breadth of each other, unable to stop smiling.

“Pizza?” You quietly asked.

“Pizza sounds good.” He affectionately bumped your nose with his, his eyes never leaving yours.

“Great,” your dad mumbled somewhere in the distance. You were still stuck in your bubble with Jake, feeling much better and lighter than you had all afternoon, and your disturbing nightmare quickly became a distant memory the longer you stared into that loving green gaze of his. The only remnants left that your brain chose to focus on were his touches, his kisses, the feelings he enticed from your body, and just Jake. 

“Now that it’s settled, let’s go in and place the order,” your dad continued. “Jake,” he barked out when your boyfriend’s lips pressed against yours once more.

Jake’s head snapped up in his direction but he didn’t move away from you. “Yes, sir?”

“The pizza?”

Jake quickly cleared his throat, trying to smother the grin that wanted to remain on his face. “Right. Uh, I’m good with anything you guys choose.”

“Good to know.” You could hear the snark in your father’s voice that normally would have made you frown over at him, but right now you didn’t want to focus on anything that was outside of Jake’s embrace.

Jake’s expression suddenly lightened with realization and he gave your father his most charming smile. “If you want to call in the order, Y/N and I can go pick it up.” Usually, you would have been more than game for that idea, but something deep down inside of you immediately protested. Not because you were afraid of what might happen between you and Jake, but because of something else. An all-too familiar dread growing in the pit of your stomach and you had the sudden urge to grab Jake and hurry inside. It coincided with the urge you’d had moments ago to get him to stay with you.

Your dad snorted. “Nice try. We’ll have it delivered. Now, come on. Joan’s probably hiding the pizza place menu as we speak.” He waved a hand, indicating you should be following him.

Jake smirked down at you, you having made sure to keep the worry from your face, and gave a half-hearted shrug. “I tried.”

You returned his smirk and since your dad had his back to you, you whispered, “The movie he picked for tonight is Pearl Harbor. Mom will probably beg off and he’ll be asleep in no time. Then you and I can sneak upstairs for a little while.” His eyes lit up as you knew they would and you quickly lifted up, pecked his lips, and grabbed his hand to lead him up to the house. As you both followed your father, Jake’s gaze never left you and his grin never faltered. And you were finally able to sigh in relief once you both made it across the threshold and Safe whispered through you, right before Jake squeezed your hand and snuck a kiss to your cheek before following your impatient father into the kitchen. You watched him go, your heart full and your spirit light once more. Only when you turned to close the door behind you did your smile freeze before dropping completely. 

There stood Marisol, right next to Jake’s Jeep parked at the curb, a jacket covering her nursing scrubs. That same smirk from earlier was plastered on her face and those hazel eyes mocked you, almost as if whatever feelings of love and overall goodness you’d just experienced was purely temporary. Then, within the blink of an eye, she was gone. You looked every which way for her, but she was nowhere to be found. Before worry could continue to consume you, you hurriedly shut the door, hit the lock, and encased yourself in your arms. Had Marisol followed you and Jake here? Or was her image just something your mind would now start hallucinating anytime you felt the slightest bit of fear? In relation to Jake?

Unsure of the answer, when your dad and mom started harmlessly bickering in the kitchen and the former called for you, you dropped your arms and pasted a smile on your face before walking in to join them. And when Jake’s hand absent-mindedly trailed along your arm during the movie later, you snuggled further into his side, making him smile and kiss your forehead while your father frowned at you in disapproval from his recliner. You didn’t care, though; you held onto Jake tightly, afraid that if you loosened your grip at any moment and let your guard down, he’d slip right through your fingers and vanish. And Jake, the boy who you had given your heart to so long ago, would be gone to you forever. When an unbidden tear rolled down your cheek at the thought, you didn’t bother wiping it away, only pressed a fiercely protective kiss to where Jake’s heart beat steadily underneath your ear, making him quietly hum in approval and place his lips to your forehead. The action set free another tear but you refused to wipe it away as you stared blankly at the TV screen; you silently vowed you would do whatever it took to keep the love of your life safely out of Marisol’s grasp.

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[thebiggerbear]

"You're safe now, I'm here" - SDV Leah Prompt Response

Summary: When Leah rushes into the house one night and starts fortifying the door, you immediately try to find out what has her so scared.

A/N: This is a prompt from @sydnee-kom-spacekru. As soon as I read the line, this scene popped right into my head.

This can be read as a continuation of "A Prize Unlike Any Other", "Where Were You On Our Wedding Day" & "I hate you..." or it can be read as a standalone.

This was written back on February 7th. It's part of another multi-character response project I currently have going on.

Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine.

Word Count: 3569

Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187; @rieleatiel

“You’re safe now, I’m here.”

Soldier Boy version ✨ Russell Shaw version 1 & 2 ✨

You were just rocking your infant daughter to sleep in the rocking chair you’d set up in the corner of your room when Leah hurried inside, slamming the door shut behind her. Leia (yes, you’d chosen the name; Leah had not been entertained at first but she eventually came around to it) was startled at the loud sound and began to cry.

“Dammit,” you muttered, standing up and doing the bouncing motion that had become second nature to you while gently patting the baby’s back. You pressed a kiss to your daughter’s head. “Let’s go see Mommy and find out why she’s making so much noise, huh?” You murmured. You stepped into the next room to find out why your wife was causing such a ruckus when she had to know you were trying to get Leia to sleep.

You were not prepared for the sight you saw. Leah was breathlessly moving furniture in front of the door after having deadbolted it. Your eyes widened as she moved practically every single chair you owned over and if that wasn’t enough, she was looking around for more.

You finally came back to yourself when Leia let out another cry. “Leah, what’s wrong?”

She glanced over at you but kept looking for things to add to her makeshift blockade. “Monsters,” she panted. “On the farm.”

Your jaw dropped. “What?” You nearly yelled.

Leia broke out into a full on crying jag and you shook yourself out of your shock and began to rock her, shushing her. Monsters never came on this farm. Ever. The farm was on a safe piece of land. You’d heard rumors about other farms in close proximity to the wilderness that might experience that problem, but never anywhere here. 

Leah nodded, still huffing. “Yep. I saw them making their way up here when coming back from town. I ran right to the house and now I’m blocking the front door so they can’t get in.” Your wife’s wild eyes searched the room frantically for something else to use. Her gaze paused briefly on the refrigerator and you were convinced that if it weren’t full and she could move it by herself, she would have unplugged it already and it would have joined Leah’s fortification efforts.

You walked over to her and placed a gentle hand on her arm. “Leah, stop. Look at me.”

She did as you asked and you could see the terror there, the worry. 

“You’re safe now, I’m here,” you reassured her.

She glanced down at your crying daughter, her own eyes becoming glassy as she protectively cupped Leia’s head. Your decision was already made but you needed to calm her down first. “Here, take her.” You shifted the baby into her arms and watched as she sniffled and pressed a kiss to Leia’s cheek. When a teardrop appeared on her face, you reached over and quickly wiped it away. Leia’s cries had quieted to fussing and you stroked your wife’s hair. “What kind of monsters did you see?” You asked quietly.

Leah sniffled again but never took her eyes off of Leia. “Um, it all happened kind of fast. I think I saw a couple of slimes, maybe? I’m not really sure.” Her tear-filled eyes eventually lifted to yours. “I’m sorry, I just reacted.”

“Hey,” you murmured. “Don’t apologize. As long as you and Leia are safe, that’s all I care about.” You kissed the side of her head, rubbing her shoulder, before you headed over to your trunk. 

“Wait, Y/N. What are you doing? You’re not seriously thinking of going out there.”

You grabbed your blade and full combat garb and shut the lid. “Yeah, I am. If monsters are here, I need to take care of them. We’ve got livestock that are sitting ducks. Not to mention, my horse is out there. And I’m going to protect my family. I don’t want you or Leia to ever have to worry if our home is safe.”

You began to remove some of the furniture so you could make your way to the door. 

“Honey, please,” Leah pleaded. You glanced up to find her watching you worriedly as she bounced Leia in her arms. “I really don’t want you to go. It’s not safe.”

You gave her a reassuring smile. “I’ll be fine. If it’s just a few slimes, I can easily take care of them. I’m more worried about how they got here to be honest.” You finally got to the door and began to remove the deadbolt.

“Y/N,” Leah begged one last time.

“I’ll be fine, babe. Lock the door behind me.” You opened the door and slipped out into the night, closing it behind you. You felt better when you heard the lock click into place a moment later. As long as your wife and daughter were safe, you could focus on the task at hand.

You held the blade up and began to make your way down into your fields. Thankfully, the moon was full and shining brightly enough that you could see everything. Even though there was a slight chill in the air, it actually was quite a beautiful night. 

You hadn’t made it far when you spotted them, moving around the pond. They were slimes alright and they looked to be quite uninterested in going near your chicken coop or barn or even your horse’s stable. Which was odd considering Leah had mentioned they had been on the way up to the house. 

The closer you got, the more you could make out their coloring. Immediately, you began to recognize them and you heaved a huge sigh of relief. “Joshua,” you called. “Jethro! What are you two doing out here?”

The slimes reacted to your voice and began to approach you. Normally, you would have had your guard up and been ready to fight but these were your slimes. You had hatched their eggs in the incubator and raised them yourself. The moment they were within a foot of you, you wondered how you or Leah had completely forgotten you had a slime hutch on the property. You would know these two anywhere.

Jethro of course tried to attack you but you waved him off. Out of the small group you had, he was the one with the worst attitude. “Enough of that, Jethro. Now, how did you two get out of your hutch?”

You corralled them back towards their building and upon arrival, you could see a small hole in the side. “Dammit,” you muttered. You ushered the two slimes back through the open door and you let out another breath of relief when you saw the rest of your slime pack still inside. 

“Jessica,” you admonished the first female you had hatched, and Jethro’s mate. “How could you let these two go out and about, huh?” You checked the water troughs and you were shocked to find them empty. It suddenly hit you that you had forgotten to check on them today. You had been so preoccupied with the baby since Leah was going to town today that you quickly rushed through your morning chores. You had even forgotten to check the fish ponds. “Dammit.”

When there were only four slimes, maybe they went through two troughs a day. Since the brood had grown, they usually went through all the water troughs you had daily. It was no wonder the eldest two males had gone out in search of sustenance. And if they were heading to the house like Leah said, it’s possible they had gone looking for you, and Leah had run inside and shut the door. No wonder Jethro was more ornery than usual. And no wonder they had been by the pond when you found them. You hoped there was still water in that small pond; you’d have to check.

You filled the troughs and sure enough, they all hurried over. At some point, you were going to have to talk to Robin about installing some sort of water line that automatically filled them daily. This way if for some reason you forgot again, they were taken care of. 

You studied the small hole and you knew you were going to have to also call her in the morning for the repair. For now, you were able to provide some temporary enclosure to keep the slimes from wandering again. You made sure to refill the troughs again before you left. “Man, you guys were thirsty. I’m sorry. I’ll get this all fixed up tomorrow, okay? No more wandering. That means you, Jethro.” He angrily tried to attack you again. “Uh huh. Why not save that energy for the ladies, huh?” You held up a finger. “Jessica, I expect you to keep them in line. Joshua, no more scaring my wife, you got me?”

You closed the door behind you and sighed, making your way to the fish ponds. You checked on the fish and grabbed any sellable goods. You checked the pond you’d found the slimes at and sure enough, you needed to fill it a little more. You also scoured every inch of the property to make sure there were no monsters though you doubted you would find any, and sure enough, you didn’t. You checked on all of your livestock and your horse; all were fast asleep. 

You tiredly made your way up to your front door and quietly rapped on the wood. “It’s me. Let me in, babe.”

A minute or so later, the lock clicked and the door opened. A hand flashed out and grabbed your arm, yanking you into the house. You were stumbling to find your footing when Leah quickly locked the door and moved a couple of chairs back in front of it. Just as you got your balance back, she was in front of you, her hands cupping your face as she looked you over. “Are you okay?”   

“Yeah, babe, I’m fine. I told you I would be.”

“Are you sure?” She moved her hands all over you, checking for some hidden injury. “You were gone a long time. I was about to go out and look for you.” The flashlight sitting on the table along with the first aid kit and club she’d nicked from your trunk confirmed her story. “I waited until Leia was asleep. It took me forever to put her down. I think she prefers it when you rock her to sleep.”

You smiled at that. You didn’t get a lot of one on one time with your daughter since she arrived due to your hectic schedule but rocking her to sleep at night was one moment you were able to have with her. You honestly couldn’t wait for winter; hopefully, you would have more time with her then. Thankfully, it was right around the corner.

You framed Leah’s face with your hands, frowning at the dirt they were caked with, and leaned in to kiss her. “Let’s get cleaned up and go to bed.”

Her brows drew together in confusion. “Go to bed? You need to tell me what happened first.”

You nodded and headed into the kitchen to wash your hands. “Well, all is taken care of and we’re safe. There are no monsters coming onto the farm.” 

“Thank God,” she breathed out in relief. “Okay, what did I see then?”

You winced, thankful she couldn’t see your expression at the moment. You knew what her reaction was going to be at your revelation. “You did see slimes,” you hedged.

“But, you just said there are no monsters. So, how…?”

You grabbed a dish towel and dried your hands, bracing yourself as you turned to meet her confused gaze. “Remember that slime hutch I wanted to get?”

Realization played upon her beautiful face and her jaw dropped. “Are you kidding me? Those were your…pets?” She spat.

You placed the dish towel back on the counter. “Well…”

“Oh,” Leah grunted in anger. “I told you that wasn’t a good idea, didn’t I? But no, you had to have it. You said you wanted to try it and Marlon had assured you it would be safe. How is this safe, Y/N?”

You held up a placating hand. “Okay, wait, hear me out for a second.”

“There is nothing you can say that justifies this. When it was just us, that was one thing. I never had to go near them but we have a child now. It’s not safe for her to have them around and tonight just proves it!”

“Leah, hold on a second,” you tried again.

“No, I want them gone! I’ll call Marlon myself tomorrow if I have to. Of all the crazy ideas of yours I’ve gone along with, this is by far the worst!”

You stepped forward and placed your hands on her shoulders. “Hey,” you gently entreated. “You need to take a deep breath. You’re getting worked up and you need to calm down.”

“Worked up? Of course, I’m getting worked up! Why shouldn’t I? Your pets came after me tonight and—”

You placed a finger against her lips. “I get that you’re angry but, babe, you’re going to wake up Leia.” You both were still getting used to having an infant in the house.

Her eyes widened slightly but then they narrowed again when you moved your finger away. “You’re not talking me out of this,” she hissed quietly. “I mean it, Y/N. I want them gone. What if Leia was older and she had come with me to town? What if she knew how to walk and had wandered outside while you were distracted? The amount of scenarios that are going through my mind are endless!”

You hated to admit it but she had a good point. Jethro’s attacks were nothing to you thanks to the combat garb you wore as well as the ring Marlon had fashioned for you that was meant to help in handling slimes. But what if Jethro had tried to attack Leah in his anger? What if it was a toddler-sized Leia? Would it have hurt them? Not to mention, you were pretty certain Jethro and possibly Joshua made that hole in the slime hutch. And if they could do that to stone with a little bit of force…

“Okay,” you agreed. “You’re right. That’s something I didn’t think about because they were enclosed in the slime hutch and they weren’t a risk to anyone since I’m the only one that goes in there. But you’re right.”

You could feel the tension in Leah’s shoulders melt away a little at your words. “Good.”

You licked your lips nervously, knowing she was going to be even angrier at this next part. “Listen, what happened today was my fault.”

You felt her tense up again. “How so?”

You let her go and scratched at the back of your neck, dropping your gaze to the floor. “Well, I kind of forgot to check on them this morning.”

“And?” You could hear a little ice in her tone, making you wince. You were definitely about to have your head handed to you.

“And they broke out to try and find me so I could feed them. That’s why you saw them heading up to the house.”

You nervously glanced up and you could see the tell-tale red creeping into Leah’s cheeks. 

“Because Leia is asleep, I will refrain from yelling at you, even though I really want to. But I am telling you right now, Y/N, I want them gone tomorrow. How could you forget to check on them? And how did they break out of that thing? It’s made of stone!”

“I don’t know,” you admitted. “I’ve temporarily closed it up and I plan to call Robin in the morning to come out and repair it. As for me forgetting…honestly, I was distracted.” At her expression of disbelief, you quickly added, “You were going into town and I was going to be watching Leia while you were gone and I just wanted to make sure I had everything done before you left.”

“Clearly, not everything was done,” she snapped.

You flinched, almost as if she had slapped you with those words. You tried your hardest to take care of the farm, of her, and now your daughter. You did your best to provide for them and keep things running smoothly, at the expense of the amount of time you got to spend with your family three seasons out of the year. Leia was a new addition but you didn’t want to miss time with her or some of her biggest moments. Just the other day, Leah had excitedly called you in from the fields to let you know that Leia had her first smile. There had been some debate over whether it was actually just gas (you were the one pushing for that theory, hoping you were right) but that was quickly put to rest when Leia smiled again when Leah cooed at her. Your heart soared and sank all at the same time. You had missed her first big moment since she came to you; you didn’t want to miss anymore, no matter how busy you were.

Leah saw your reaction and she was immediately apologetic. “I’m sorry, that was harsh.”

You shrugged and leaned back against the counter. “It’s true, though. I messed up. What happened today is on me.” You kept your gaze on the ground and your arms crossed. “I’ll call Marlon tomorrow to come get them.”

Between the slimes and your family, it was no contest. Your family would win out every time. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. You had raised the slimes after all.

You felt Leah’s arms wrap around you and she pulled you into a hug. “I’m sorry, honey,” she murmured into your ear. “I know how much this means to you. I just want us all to be safe, especially Leia.”

“It’s fine,” you whispered, burying your face into her neck so she wouldn’t see your eyes misting up. “You guys will always come first, you know that.”

She rubbed your back and she didn’t remark on the wetness she felt on her skin which you appreciated. She held you like that for a few minutes and you took comfort from her embrace. 

You heard her sigh. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this but…why don’t you also call Robin and get her out here to repair the hutch?”

You pulled back, staring at her in shock. 

She gently wiped your cheeks and continued. “Talk to both of them and see what you can do to fortify that place so they don’t get out again. Also, I’m going to do my best to help you out a little more.”

“Leah, I appreciate it but you’ve got enough to do with Leia and everything. I can handle the farm. And…I appreciate what you’re trying to do but—”

This time, she was the one pressing a finger to your lips. “I can feed the animals, that doesn’t take me long. We can also make some improvements around here now that we’ve saved up a little. It’s nothing we won’t make back when the crops come in. We can get some sprinklers to help with the watering, you can upgrade the coop and the barn and get some auto-feeders. You can probably do the same thing with the slime hutch if I know Robin. She’ll figure something out. I can also check the fish ponds for you. And you, you can have some more time with Leia. We’ll switch off if we need to. We’ll work it out.”

You leaned forward and kissed her, whispering to her lips, “Thank you.”

“Of course. We’re partners. But Y/N, I do have to say this. Depending on what you work out with Robin and Marlon, when Leia starts walking…” She didn’t finish her sentence but she didn’t need to.

“I know. And I’ll do what I have to do then. I promise.”

She gave you a small smile and kissed your lips again. After a moment, she sighed tiredly. “It’s been a long day and I’m exhausted. Like you said, let’s clean up and go to bed. Oh, I’m keeping Leia in our room tonight, by the way. I moved the crib.”

“Fine by me.”

Her smile grew and she took your hand, leading you towards the bedroom. You glanced at the still fortified front door. 

“Uh, should we maybe move some of these chairs back first?”

“Tomorrow,” she dismissed with a wave of her free hand. “Right now, I just want to go to bed and snuggle up with my wife and baby.” She glanced back at you affectionately and not for the first time, you wondered how you had gotten so lucky. 

“That sounds perfect,” you tiredly agreed and continued following her. 

Not too long after that, you both were cleaned up, in bed, with Leia on Leah’s chest. You were going to put her back in her crib for the night (and hopefully not wake her) but right now, you both just needed a few minutes with her. Watching the two of them and your hand meeting Leah’s on Leia’s back, the smile exchanged between you as you gently interlocked your fingers…life didn’t get much better than this right here. You were sure of it.

Please let me know if you would like to be tagged for this character.

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[thebiggerbear]

Prompt Response List

Overall list of where I find/found the prompts I use/used and to give due credit to the prompters:

@dumplingsjinson's prompts:

“Quick, kiss me again, they’re coming back—”

“Why’d you do that?” “Because you wouldn’t shut up.”

“You break the tradition and you end up being cursed for life. Is that what you want?” “…Are you blackmailing me right now?”

"I took care of that asshole for you." "I don't like the sound of that."

“Why did you…” “I’m trying to remind you of what happened last night.” (Beau x Cassie)

“That’s so unfair!” “What’s unfair?” “You can’t just do that without warning me!” (Beau x Cassie)

“I am not kissing you.” “Too bad. It’s tradition.” (Beau x Cassie)

“Merry Christmas!” “…Did you seriously get me a gift card from your favorite store?” (Beau x Cassie)

@sydnee-kom-spacekru's prompts:

fluff prompt list #33: “Why are you wearing my sweater?” “Because it smells like you.”

"You're safe now. I'm here." (Russell Shaw) Parts 1 & 2

"You're safe now. I'm here." (SDV Leah)

"You're safe now. I'm here." (Soldier Boy)

@winchester-reload's prompts:

Suptober2020 - #6 - Masks

@creativepromptsforwriting's prompts:

#941 "I hate you." "You have a weird way of showing that"

Soldier Boy

Beau Arlen

Dean Winchester

Jenny Hoyt

Anael

Jason Teague

Tom Hanniger

Alec McDowell

CJ Braxton

Rachel Gatina

SDV Leah

@thelonelyempath's prompts:

"Sleep. I'll keep you safe."

Soldier Boy

Beau Arlen

Dean Winchester

Jenny Hoyt

Anael

Jason Teague

Tom Hanniger

SDV Alex

[thebiggerbear]

Russell Shaw Fics List

Mini Series

One Shots

Prompt Responses

Please let me know if you would like to be tagged for this character.

dividers by @firefly-graphics

[thebiggerbear]

Writing Playlists List

Writing Playlists list under Read More:

Playlists for WIP's:

Closer - Masterlist

Keep Me Inside - Masterlist

Call My Name - Masterlist

Follow Me Into the Dark - Masterlist

i want better for you...what's better for you than me? - Masterlist

Only Ever Holding Onto You - Masterlist

The Ghosts Are Coming For You - Masterlist

Their Silent Thunder Matches Mine - Masterlist

i need your hand but i don't want to burn it - Masterlist

A Twist of Fate [Beau Arlen mini series - masterlist coming soon]

if you love me (let me go) [Beau Arlen mini series - masterlist coming soon]

Nothing But Killing Time [Alec McDowell mini series - masterlist coming soon]

[more coming soon]

Playlists for One Offs:

A Flower Among Wolves (Arya Stark one shot)

Dean Winchester x Cassie Dewell one shot (currently untitled) [preview here]

Dragons & Cake (Rhaenicent one shot)

Just A Little Longer (Jacob Black one shot)

i still don't know what you're thinking (when you look at me) (Beau x Jenny one shot)

Masks (Destiel prompt response) - [posted work here]

Michael!Dean "You're safe now. I'm here." [preview here]

nothing to win and nothing left to lose (Jake Gray one shot)

Off Limits (Russell Shaw one shot...) [posted work here]

One Last Time (Buddie one shot)

Russell Shaw "You're safe now. I'm here." [Part 1 of posted work here]

Show Me What I Only Know the Limits Of (Edward Cullen one shot)

Soldier Boy Part 2 of "I took care of that asshole for you." (currently untitled)

Something Real (Soldier Boy one shot...) [posted work here]

standing in the dust of what's left of us (Jonerys one shot)

Take What You Need (Bella x Jacob one shot)

The Offer's Still On the Table (Russell Shaw x Jenny Hoyt one shot)

Three Inches (Elmax one shot)

we won't be too far from home (Cassenny one shot)

What's Next? Not You (Buddie one shot)

When the Past Comes Knocking (Russell Shaw x Cassie Dewell one shot) [preview here]

where all the dreamers go (Beau x Cassie one shot) [posted work here]

why are you wearing my sweater (because it smells like you) (Bella x Jacob Prompt Response) [posted work here]

you gave me the courage of stars (Destiel one shot) [posted work here]

your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth (Daenerys x Tyrion one shot)

WIP Universe Vibes:

Working for the Sheriff in Helena, Montana

Working alongside the infamous Jenny Hoyt

Hunting with The Winchesters

Farming In Stardew Valley

A Profound Bond With Your Chosen Angel

Caught Between Supes and Humans

Being The Last Targaryen

Being one of The Last Of the Starks

Patrolling In Sunnydale

Living in Forks with Vampires

Living in Forks with Werewolves

Being a student at Hogwarts

Dealing with the Walking Dead

*I will update as I go

dividers by @firefly-graphics

[thebiggerbear]

June 2024 Writing Updates

Hey all! This is what I have on deck to be posted:

Part 2 of I need your hand but I don't want to burn it (this is already written as are the other two remaining parts but I'm going over two particular events in Part 2 with a very discerning eye and want to make sure I get the tone right before posting)

Chapter 1 of Keep Me Inside (yes, I am actually going to get this out in the next couple of weeks, I'm looking forward to seeing what you guys think of this story as well as one of the OC's I inserted in there)

nothing to win and nothing left to lose one shot (this is something I've been working on for Jake Gray ever since I rewatched Devour a few months ago, I'm really excited to post this one)

More prompt responses for various characters - I have a few multi-character projects in the works that have been extended to include recent characters I've added to my writing list like Colter Shaw and Jake Seresin for example

I have a few more works coming for Russell & CJ (including the work that I previewed here)

Part 2/Sequel of this prompt response (Soldier Boy x Reader)

Part 2/Sequel of this prompt response (Dean Winchester x Reader - previewed here)

Things for Sam Winchester, John Winchester, and Castiel

The Michael!Dean one shot I previewed here as well as the multiple pieces for Demon!Dean, Huntercorp!Dean, MOC!Dean, and Gadreel!Sam I've been working on

Fulfilling the AO3 & Tumblr fic requests I've received (Angel!Reader, Winchester!Reader, & SDV Leah will be coming out first)

Here's what's on deck for next month so far:

Part 1 of Closer: So Close and Yet So Far

Chapter 4 of Only Ever Holding Onto You (I promise, I have not forgotten about this story, I keep changing up the events that need to happen in this next installment so that is what's taking so long as well as fine-tuning a certain scene between Beau and Reader)

Chapter 3 of The Ghosts Are Coming For You

Part 1 of Nothing But Killing Time (this is going to be the mini series for Alec McDowell x Female!Reader that I mentioned I was working on back in January - my beta is currently working on a banner for it and when she's done, I'll post the masterlist - this is a more fleshed out exploration of the prompt response with a few changes)

Part 2 of Follow Me Into the Dark (trying to get the tone right for the "talk" between Dean and Reader so there's been multiple edits and passthroughs, once I get it to the point where I feel good with it, it will be posted)

I have a few more mini series coming for Beau (including the one previewed here as well as "A Twist of Fate" & "If you love me (let me go)")

And coming soon:

More works coming for Anael (including the work previewed here) & Jenny (including the mini series previewed here)

More works also coming for Dean (including some I previewed here)

Part 2/Sequel of this prompt response (Jason Teague x Reader)

Part 2/Sequel of this prompt response (Jason Teague x Reader - previewed here)

Part 2/Sequel of this prompt response (Rachel Gatina x Reader)

Twilight (a Charlie prompt response was previewed here; a Sam prompt response was previewed here; prompt responses for several characters/readers; also the Jacob/Reader one shot "Just A Little Longer" and the Edward/Reader one shot "Show Me What I Only Know the Limits Of" will also be included in this group; also have multiple ship works that are also being completed to push out)

Top Gun Franchise (Hangman/Reader & Rooster/Reader works on the way)

Devour 2005 (I have a one shot for Jake x Dakota on the way)

The Boys (I have things in the works for Butcher, Starlight, & Maeve)

Big Sky (I am working on a prompt response for Cassie; also got the Beau x Jenny one shot "I still don't know what you're thinking (when you look at me)" & the Cassenny one shot "we won't always be far from home" coming as well as a little something for Poppernak (I love Poppernak, okay?); also I'll be finishing up the works I already have for Beau x Cassie that have been in progress for quite a while now)

Supernatural (besides the characters I already mentioned above, I am working on things for other characters such as Bela, Benny, Bel!Jack, AU!Dean, Casifer, Endverse!Dean & Dean Smith); also have some more Destiel works & a prompt response for Dela coming)

Crossovers (including the Dean x Cassie one shot previewed here & the Russell x Cassie one shot "When the Past Comes Knocking" previewed here; Dean x Bella one shot previewed here)

Game of Thrones (including the Daenerys/Reader mini series I've mentioned before as well as prompt responses for Daenerys, Robb, Jon, & Margaery, an Arya/Reader one shot "A Flower Among Wolves", and the fic request for Margaery/Reader; I also will be putting final touches on the multiple works I have for Jonsa, Daensa, Jonerys, Daenerys x Tyrion, & Daenerys x Margaery and pushing them out)

Ten Inch Hero (prompt responses and one shots coming for both Priestly/Reader & Tish/Reader plus a one shot for Priestly/Tish)

The Walking Dead (the Maggie/Reader one shot I have in the works that will also satisfy the fic request received & the mini series with Negan/Reader)

My Bloody Valentine 2009 (I have a one shot for Tom x Sarah coming)

Smallville (a one shot for Jason x Lana on the way & a prompt response for Clark)

Dark Angel 2000 (also a one shot for Malec on the way)

911 (I've got some things in the works for Eddie/Reader, Lucy/Reader, and Taylor/Reader plus I'll be finishing up and posting the Buddie one shots "One Last Time" and "What's Next? Not You")

Yellowstone (quite a few works with Rip/Reader & a few other characters)

Transformers (prompt response for Optimus/Reader)

Gargoyles 1994 (one shot and prompt response for Goliath/Reader & one shot for Brooklyn/Reader as well as a one shot for Goliath x Elisa)

The Dark Knight Rises (this includes a prompt response for Bane/Reader already in the works)

Hogwarts Legacy (includes prompt responses for Sebastian/Reader & Mirabel/Reader alongside a one shot for Ominis/Reader)

Stranger Things (includes the "Three Inches" one shot for Elmax & something for Steve/Reader)

Stardew Valley (includes works for Haley/Reader & Shane/Reader & the fic request for Leah/Reader)

Doom 2005 (a prompt response & one shot on the way for John/Reader)

and more

I'm also alternating working on the OC stories I mentioned for Supernatural, Dark Angel 2000, My Bloody Valentine 2009, Game of Thrones, and The Walking Dead. None of that will be posted until they're finished, though.

Anyhoo, this is my goal, to start closing up some of these Jensen-character WIP's and get them out of my folder on my desktop. I know he mentioned something yesterday about Countdown starting to film in a couple of months so I've definitely got some time to try to achieve this goal before that show releases. Wish me luck!