#rushermushroom

[fuckoffdontsee]

This is what happens before it happens. The beginning of the end, the fear of an incoming tornado. This is pure and harsh and cold and it hurts; it's supposed to hurt, because all real things hurt. Everything with essence hurts, and this is impregnated with the essence of fear and remorse and a will that wasn't strong enough. I wasn't strong enough. This is what happens before you fall down, the silver seconds before it all turns dark again. The little flash of light a lightbulb gives just before dying out forever. A question. A silent prayer, a wish that was never spent. You ask, you pray, you reach for something- anything, really- that could possibly help you out of this hole that has dug itself against your will, without your permission. And you're about to fall, you're so close to the edge it's scary, so near that certain death fall that tears are all you can muster. You're there. In that line between relapse and recovery, and you're losing, falling down and crashing against the ground. You're so close to letting go but you're so past giving in. You're so past acting out with a blade instead of your mind, you're so past reaching for the nightstand instead of the Bible. You had a solid ground to step on, had built yourself a place to stand your ground. But said place is crumbling down and you knew this was going to happen. Maybe you purposely set cracks on your foundation. You knew this was going to happen. But you were so okay a few minutes ago. Or well, maybe you had been feeling sick lately. And emotional. It's probably just your hormones. Alright, maybe it had been going on for a couple of weeks, maybe your bones had grown tired but you kept dancing. Maybe your thoughts had become heavy but you still carried them around like they were feathers. Maybe you knew it was going to happen but, against better judgement, you pretended the shadows of dark days lying ahead weren't there. And now you're falling. Your foundation had cracks and now is breaking apart, and you're holding onto everything you've built and everything you had dared to hope for. It's the hardest, really. Watching your whole life fall apart once more, watch yourself do the things you fought so hard to stop doing. Feel the claws of intrusive thoughts taking control over what had once been your mind, your safe place once more. Something you could control without a blade. And now it's all gone. Why didn't you throw away the blades when you no longer felt the need to cut. Why did you keep them. You couldn't help yourself, but someone else might, you think. So you do the only thing you know how to do. You reach for the only one who's been there, for the only one whom you're not scared to ask for help to. For the one that's always available and can never get tired of your constant questions and nagging of bad thoughts. You reach for the only one who can help you. But soon tears are clouding your vision and you can't quite make out what Google says and hey, that seems like a good site to click on. Resisting the urge to cut. You rub your eyes until they sting but at least now you can see. The pain was worth it, you think. You push that thought away. You hoped google would help. Hoped for something- please, anything- that'd help you stay on the other side of the line, but this site calls cutting an addiction and a monster and how you have to reach to God for help and how it's all about not wanting to cut and oh God they say wait it out but you're out of seconds to spare. The scratching of your arms soon becomes scratching the nightstand and before you know it your stash is in your hands once more. It's as dangerous and sharp and hideous and beautiful as it was two months ago, the last time your skin kissed iron. You pick a new blade. Relapses are for new blades, you think. Blades sharp as your thoughts and that will surely leave scars you'll be too ashamed to look at after. The blade touches your skin but doesn't move, and you can feel your inner strength pushing back against the urge of pushing the blade against your veins. A thousand things run across your head. Scars. Cover ups. Social meetings. Bracelets. Your mom. Long sleeves. Blood. Scars. Scars. Scars. And none of those things matter, you soon realize, because the site was saying the truth. Cutting is a monster, a monster that chose to move the blade before you said so. Your hand moved out of its own accord and now a thin, red line shows across your wrist. There's no use in holding back now, you guess. As the first drops of blood ooze from the new wound, you reach for something to cover your keyboard from. You could just move your hand away from the keyboard, but you want to see it. And the only light you have is that from the computer, with Jason Walker's song "Drown" playing and the results page open still, asking to be clicked, to not be ignored. You ignore it anyway, reaching for a white napkin you've kept since 2012; it is one you wrote on about your favorite band. Those were simpler times. When you still hoped and believed and maybe hoped a bit too much. And you're bitter those times are gone and now you're in your room at night relapsing and bleeding and crying. Blood stains the white napkin, and you guess it's kind of poetic. Except it's not the first article from that time of your life that you've used to clean away what your current life is doing to you. You can't even be poetic anymore. And your veins are open now, they say welcome back as you set your hand down on a red napkin, and as more and more keys are pushed down on your keyboard, you push a blade deeper into your body over and over again. The results page doesn't has results anymore, the search bar makes no sense. And you guess that's true. Searching makes no sense, if you're going to relapse anyway. There was a line you were standing on. An edge you were still holding onto. A fall you were avoiding. And now you're cutting.

[rushermushrooom]

Please God take care of those who will face ICE and the raids Don't let them be taken away Don't let people talk over them This is their house Don't let it rot away Oh God of darkness and earth Of earthquakes and snakes Of all good and beautiful Please Don't let them be taken away I know you're up there Between the stormy skies With all your mighty power You'll make things right And keep the people Where their heart is For you understand What it is like to be forced away From where your bed lays. Your people were forced to stay In Egypt as slaves And now they're are About to be kicked away From a land that was Never theirs or theirs So please God My best friend and trustworthy mate Take care of us on this day Don't let ICE take us away

[rushermushroom]

WHY IS THIS PERSONAL SIDE BLOG GETTING NOTES AND FOLLOWERS?? I ACCIDENTALLY REBLOG JASPAR SHIT TO THIS BLOG BUT IM NOT A JASPR BLOG (if u want Jaspar go follow @delphicjaspar ) So sorry if you followed me thinking I'm funny or cool or a Jaspar blog

[imhereformysciencefriends]

WAIT WAS THERE AN UPDATE

No but if you aren’t reading http://mspfanventures.com/?s=14278 ACT 8 then I highly recommend it

[stripeysnail]

This blog makes me so happy. I have notifications on for your blog because whenever I'm down I check it

Thank you! I’m glad my blog can help brighten your day! 

Snails make me happier too. Whenever I have a stressful day, I like to sit in front of their tank and watch them move about and munch on the greens. I should take more pictures, though.

[1morey]

All the uneven ones!! >:)

1. do you have any recurring dreams? what are they? Not really.3. sweet or savoury? Both.5. what is your least favourite vegetable? Cauliflower.7. do you drink milk? Only chocolate milk.9. do you like bitter food? No.11. what is one thing ( a book, movie, etc ) that has greatly affected you? Jurassic Park.13. list your top 5 favourite turtle names. Don’t really have any.15. are there any names that you dislike so much that you would dislike the person with the name? what are those names? Nope.17. are there any instruments you wished you played? Didgeridoo.19. would you rather be a skeleton or a ghost? Either or.21. art or music? Music.23. soup or salad? Soup.25. do animals tend to like you? Yeah.27. do you collect anything? Coins.29. whats the latest you’ve ever woken up? 2:0031. what age did you stop keeping stuffed animals on your bed? 13.33. what is your favourite baked good? Cookies.35. do you wear jewelry? No.37. do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones? Both.39. describe your favourite spot in your house. My bedroom.41. the best joke you have. How do white people start every joke? *looks over shoulders*43. CD or digital? Digital45. if you could combine two places in the world, which two places would you choose? Mexico and Australia.47. do you believe horoscopes? Nope.49. describe your pets ( or family if you dont have pets ) Black and white cat named Fluffy, and a black and white dog named Lilly.

[averagemastermind]

Papyrus: What do you have an extreme love for?

My family, my friends, voice acting, and my followers.

[fuckoffdontsee]

And I guess What scares me The most about It all Is that I can see it You know? For a second There's lucidity There is darkness In this blinding light And I see it How fucked up I am How much I can Relate to those Stuck in mental Facilities And I think back To all the times I held a blade Against my skin And the times I Hugged my knees tight And rocked until it Was all better I can clearly see Myself crying every Night Myself having these Awful and so very Secret Mood swings where I Love and hate In the mater of seconds And this lucidity Hits me at those Moments where I'm low And drifting apart Scattered like broken Glass And I can see it That's the scary part I can see how crazy I truly am

All the crazy people you see on tv reside in me what does that mean?

[rushermushroom]

My life

Parents: express your opinion! Trust us! Tell us things Me: okay *trusts them, tells them thing, is disrespectful while doing so because of misunderstanding* Them: your heart and soul are wrong we can't believe you are like this we didn't raise you to be like this and we thought you weren't like the rest of you family, you hold grudges against us and we don't know why and you're bad don't talk to us now and have a good life Me: *is a mess because I shouldn't care about them at all and yet, here we are* Them: we don't understand why you choose to distance yourself from us and what grudges you have against us but it's probably just Bc you're a teen Me: *is worried I'll be trapped in this forever* Them: *give zero shits because they don't know anything because I don't tell them because of how they react whenever I tell them something* Me: @ God wtf why what the fuck

[imhereformysciencefriends]

Are you re reading HS again? Bc I'm loving the posts

Thank you darling! And yup! I am! My tag for it is reHS! :o)

[idontlikefood-iloveit]

Sissiiss Avatar fue mi infancia, y Star Wars la neta lo empece a ver hace 2 meses nada más ahaha pero me encanta igual. Chat noir se ve como uno de esos chicos súper cool pero tiernos y un poco de chico malo no?

Sii, es un dork. Es como mi persona ideal, hace bromas ‘malas’, es respetuoso pero también es como juguetón y aahh! Yo creo que avatar es una de las mejores caricaturas que he visto, tiene muy buena representación, buena cantidad de comedia, de drama y en general es muy bueno!

[akira1love]

Nononono- when I said "fix this" I meant "go get him real dinner" since I suppose storm troopers don't get a great variety of food to chose from. Gosh, no I get it that Finn does not need to be fixed at all, since he's not broken

Oh, sorry for misinterpreting so! I see a lot of people depriving him of his own agency, basically reducing him to an infant, and I don’t like it, so please understand why I got it wrong in the first place :’)I imagine them not having a lot of choice for the meals. And now someone makes him and Rey a huge cake. Or a giant pizza. Rey dies internally because you saw what she had to eat during all her life. I think Finn has had not a good variety but yeah still normal things. Rey had to adapt and be fine what she had been given in exchange of objects… 

[the-vampire-fish-queen]

thank you for all the Marcy and Simon parental love. MUTUALS FOR LIFEEEEE

don't mention it :) I been watching every ep of AT and the feels in “Simon & Marcy” hit me like a ton of bricks :P

[jaxyscreams]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING, PLEASE HAVE LOTS OF FUN AND DO WHATEVER THE EFF YOU WANT TO. HAOOY BIRTHDAY.

AAAAH THANK YOU!!! 

[fuckoffdontsee]

I want to be real And I want to be me And I want someone to Come along and say I never thought She'd get this far

I wanna be who I'm not

[super-secret-bi-spy]

Love your URL

Thank you!!!!!!!!