#rubs my hands together. thanks Hoshino for giving me an unlimited ressource of angst for my favorite pasttime:

[icharchivist]

I often think about how we cut to Lavi's reaction to Allen's monologue here.

I mean like. Lavi knows about Mana. He knows Allen called an Akuma of someone he loved and had to destroy him.

So when Krory, who they establish immediately as suicidal, is expressing his sadness over destroying Eliade, the Akuma he loved, Allen is speaking from the heart.

Allen is saying "i know this pain that makes you want to die. Please use it so that this death isn't in vain."

He's saying he's been suicidal too over killing Mana, he gets it.

And Lavi's reaction makes me think Lavi gets it too. Because he's looking at Allen. He knows how Allen relates to this situation.

Allen dealt with the suicidal thoughts that came with his grief by giving himself fully to the innocence.

*deep breath*

So now with the infos we have about their past lives doesn't that add a fucked up element.

Past!Lavi merged Past!Allen with innocence to save him, to give him another chance at life, even though he knew it will be a miserable life. He gave his own life for it while Past!Allen was begging for him to keep on living for himself.

You sacrifice your life, your everything, to make sure He Lives. You use the innocence to give him another chance. And when you meet him again in the next life, even though you don't know you used to know him, he makes clear he had been suicidal. that he wanted to die, until he gave his life to the innocence.

you gave him a new life. You meet him in the next life and learn he wanted to end it.

And even without the knowledge of their past lives, that they do not have,

Lavi still associates Allen with the Silver Hair of That Guy who saved his life in the past. Of the guy that forbid him from just following the light and die. And Hoshino made clear in some interviews that Lavi often thought about it-- about Allen being just that Light, that day, fading away.

He meets a man with hair so white it reminds him of the Light that saved his life, pushed him to keep on living. And he learn this very Light almost faded early because this guy wanted to end it all.

AND EVEN THERE.

He sees how Allen is encouraging Krory to keep on living. Like the Light that saved him that day. Like Past!Allen cradling Past!Lavi's head in his arms crying that Lavi needed to keep on living. Do you think he's thinking about that, deep down?

FUCKED UP OR WHAT.