#rtarlsman award

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RTARLSMAN WEEKEND 2023

Is it possible that this regular season is already done for? Who was the bestest football man of the year?

That’s right, the RTARLsman is going to YOU THE FAN! to decide!

Wait, no, it’s going to Blake Corum. My two finalists were him and Marvin Harrison, Jr. Since both play in the B1G there will be no ceremony.

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Run to the RTARLsman 2017: Week 6

I really hadn’t planned on Mark Walton breaking his ankle and missing the rest of the season. But he did and he will so there are no longer any Hurricanes on the list. Well, at least for this week.

In happier news for non-SMU fans, Ed Oliver didn’t end up missing any time at all with a knee injury so welcome back to the RTARLsman list, Ed!

1. ED OLIVER, Houston, DT

Oliver has reached mythic proportions in my mind and he basically lives up to this every week. The knee injury slowed him down to only 3 QB hurries and no sacks or TFL against an extremely pass-heavy SMU offense. Still, Houston got turnovers and won. I’m living with my Warren Sapp comparisons until proven otherwise.

2. BRYCE LOVE, Stanford, RB

Stanford played against one of the best run defenses in the country and Love was held completely in check with merely 152 yards on 20 carries. He’s going against an even statistically better rush defense this week with Oregon but there’s something just sort of off about writing that. Still, if he’s held under 10 yards per carry again there’s your context. I wonder how much Love’s Heisman candidacy is tied to his team’s performance but 8-4 Stanford is probably still a top 25 team in December. He’ll make it to NYC but don’t be surprised if some undeserving star on a title contender leaps him in the final voting. Aside from rushing stats, Love definitely leads the country so far in awesome still shots because I had to choose from about 20 awesome pictures just from the Utah game. I think this one looks the most badass.

3. ZACH ABEY, Navy, QB

The nation’s #2 rusher in terms of yards per game, Abey is the next Heisman dark horse for Navy. The Middies basically need to go undefeated for him to even have a shot at making the ceremony but if he runs for 2,000 yards this year then he’s setting up a fake run at the trophy for 2018.

4. SAQUON BARKLEY, Penn State, RB

At one point last week he had 10 carries for -7 yards against Northwestern. I can’t shake this feeling that he’s gonna struggle to adapt to the NFL because he doesn’t know how to set up blocks. Maybe that doesn’t matter anymore now that he can just be a receiver until he develops that skill and maybe the Penn State O-line is really so bad that he doesn’t have a choice for now but it’s most likely that I just hate Penn State so much that I’m looking to puncture his hype balloon just a little bit.

5. JALEEL SCOTT, New Mexico State, WR

I don’t believe I was aware of this catch until this week. This happened in week 1, for what it’s worth. He’s a 6′6″, 215# senior, so look for him next year on the Panthers roster.

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6. SUTTON SMITH, Northern Illinois, EDGE

He’s small and he plays in the MAC but he keeps getting sacks and TFLs and showing up at the top of all the fun defensive stats so I’ll throw his name out there. He’s a RS-SO so I guess we’ve got a couple of years to figure out if he has an actual path to the NFL. Signed as a RB out of high school so he’s probably a decent athlete. Maybe he can be a low rent version of Haason Reddick?

7. BAKER MAYFIELD, Oklahoma, QB

One of several QBs who will end up getting drafted before Sam Darnold. I honestly don’t like Mayfield as a prospect and I was there with everybody else sort of rooting on the Iowa State football team last week but Mayfield’s numbers are outrageous and there are a few voices in the crowd that really like the way he plays and how it projects to the next level. Mayfield leads the nation in one of my favorite dumb stats: points responsible for per game. Yes, that’s an NCAA official stat.

8. ROQUAN SMITH, Georgia, LB

The breakout star of the year on defense, Smith doesn’t really put up stats other than tackles but people absolutely love him and Georgia’s defense has been a killing machine so far this year. I’ve got him as a provisional candidate waiting for me to be bored enough to actually watch a Georgia game all the way through.

9. DEXTER LAWRENCE, Clemson, DT

Lawrence doesn’t put up a ton of numbers in his own right but Clemson is going to just coast to the playoffs on the strength of their front seven and Lawrence is the key to most of it. If he were to go down only three other future top 10 picks would stand between Clemson’s hopes and a merely well-above-average defense. That isn’t the best way to build a case for Lawrence as a top player but he manages to stand out even on that team.

10. RASHAAD PENNY, San Diego State, RB

I considered going another route just for the sake of variance but Penny has been a monster this year and he deserves the publicity.

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Run to the RTARLsman 2017: Week 5

OK, well, this time I think Lamar Jackson is actually out of it. He had a pretty good game up until killing his team’s comeback chances with a back breaking INT that got returned for a touchdown. There is a playbook developing on how to stop Louisville’s offense and even if it isn’t Lamar’s fault that nobody else on that side of the ball can be counted on for much of anything, it takes the fun out of it to know that if you shut down the running game everything goes to shit for the Cardinals.

So that leaves us without RTARL’s two favorite sons this week since Ed Oliver is probably going to sit for at least a week with an injury he suffered on a chop block in the first half of last week’s game. He made one preposterous play before going out but it looks like it’s been scrubbed from twitter now. For shame.

If you’ve stumbled into this lonely corner of internet the rules for the RTARLsman are just who I think are the best players in the country for a given week. I tend to talk a lot about the NFL draft in these writeups because I’m more likely to be excited by what somebody can do than what they have done.

1. BRYCE LOVE, Stanford, RB

Saquon Barkley is all up in the media’s mouth as the Heisman favorite so far but Bryce Love is putting up numbers that suggest to me he’s a more likely winner. I’ve also heard people compare Barkley to Barry Sanders but the parallels, at least from a narrative standpoint, are far more Barry Sandersesque for Love than Barkley. First, obviously, he’s wearing #20 like Sanders did in the NFL (I think he was actually #21 his last year at OK State but that’s not the angle I’m on here.) Second, he’s a first year starter as a junior and he’s on a potential record breaking run. Third, he’s considered an iffy prospect at this point because of his ‘diminutive’ frame. Fourth, the guy he was backing up as a Freshman and Sophomore was a Heisman contender in his own right. Extra points for all the comps I made between Christian McCaffrey and Thurman Thomas over the last couple of years. Further points for being more similar to Barry Sanders than Love and McCaffrey’s former Stanford teammate Barry Sanders, Jr. Fifth, really just look at the fucking stats. They’re outrageous and they should continue to be outrageous barring injury. Love probably won’t run a 4.3 forty at the combine but if he does then get ready for me to become insufferable with the comparisons.

2. SAQUON BARKLEY, Penn State, RB

I think I’ve settled on Thomas Jones as my comparison for Barkley. He’s a little bigger than Jones but the skill set and athleticism strike me as that kind of player. Also, I think Barkley might have some dancer in him which could hold him back a little bit early in his pro career. But he’s a good enough receiver that it might not really matter.

3. DEXTER LAWRENCE, Clemson, DT

Lawrence is a goddam monster. He might actually be a better player overall than Ed Oliver but he’s surrounded by other ridiculously talented linemen so he doesn’t always stand out as much as Oliver. Rest assured, Dexter Lawrence is a legit contender for #1 pick in 2019 and he might end up on the dais in New York for the Heisman ceremony this year if Clemson keeps rampaging the way they have.

4. CLELIN FERRELL, Clemson, EDGE

Ferrell might actually siphon some of Lawrence’s hype for this year just because he’s draft eligible. He might be the best edge defender in the 2018 draft so it’s not exactly a slight to Lawrence. This team is preposterous.

5. BRADLEY CHUBB, NC State, EDGE

I didn’t want it to be like this. I really wanted Louisville to outrun the Wolfpack last night but they didn’t. Chubb is contending with Ferrell to be the first defensive player drafted next year and, stupidly, only one (at most!) of the three defensive players I’ve got listed so far will end up in NYC because voters will never recognize more than one defensive player per season.

6. JAMES WASHINGTON, Oklahoma State, WR

This is really just a stats pick. I hate the Big XII and I want the whole conference to fail.

7. MARK WALTON, Miami, RB

He still looked banged up last week and didn’t do a lot on the ground but he’s the only Hurricane I can put on here right now. I have appreciated the fact that Malik Rosier can throw now but the offense still looks kind of crummy when Walton isn’t on the field.

8. JEFFREY WILSON, North Texas, RB

I couldn’t tell you anything about this kid other than the fact he has 666 yards rushing right now. That’s enough for me.

9. RASHAAD PENNY, San Diego State, RB

He’s on the national radar for Heisman odds which feels weird to me. Like, I’m not sure I’m really ready to share him just yet. It’s all so odd.

10. HERCULES MATA’AFA, Washington State, LB

The real key to Washington State beating USC last week was Hercules (Hercules! Hercules!) and I’m starting to see some draft hype for him now. Obviously the QB who throws for thousands of yards and has been in college since the Eisenhower administration gets most of the publicity but a Mike Leach team with a good defense is all kinds of crazy. The rivalry week game with UDub could be absolutely crazy this year.

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Run to the RTARLsman 2017: Week 4

The world continues to conspire against any form of idealism, even in the awarding of football honors.

Just look at #1 on this list. Disgusting. I swore it would never happen. Will he end up on the Jets next year, reliving the pro career of another Penn State legend who got drafted ahead of a SEC superstar only to become a punchline to jokes about the NFL Draft? Most assuredly.

I’ve turned this into a top 10 list so slowly that I didn’t realize it was even moving in this direction. But the old anarchic days of the RTARLsman in-season posts is definitely a memory for now.

1. SAQUON BARKLEY, Penn State, RB

All Blair Thomas references aside, Barkley saved James Franklin from himself last week. I’m still not clear on why Penn State thinks they’re a passing team or why even at that you would think throwing the ball / lining up to throw the ball all game is a good gameplan against Iowa but Barkley is pretty clearly the September Heisman winner for 2017. Last year Lamar Jackson rode that momentum to actually winning the award but I wouldn’t count on a repeat of that trick this year. Barkley is a monster and he’ll be a top 10 pick next year but I have this feeling that Penn State is going to falter at some inopportune times and it will cost Saquon in a way that it didn’t for Lamar.

2. MARK WALTON, Miami (FL), RB

Walton went nuts in the first quarter last week, then he got injured in the second quarter, then Miami’s offense went quiet, then he cam back in the third quarter and went nuts again. 11 carries for 204 yards is pretty great no matter who it’s against and Walton mixed in an 82-yard (non touchdown) run where he looked tired after about 25 yards to give it a highlight game feel. The Canes game is starting in about an hour so if you’re home give it a peep and see if you can love Mark Walton with the depth of feeling that I have felt over the past couple of years.

3. BRYCE LOVE, Stanford, RB

Love is putting up absolutely bonkers numbers against not-the-worst-in-the-country level opposition and much like his predecessor at RB1 for Stanford, I’m buying into the hype all the way. Love is much less of a hybrid player than Christian McCaffrey was and he plays with some serious quickness behind the line of scrimmage. The Cardinal are a 2-loss team so far but I think they’ll get it back together and finish no worse than 9-3. Love should murder Arizona State this week but it’s a day game so he might be back to his normal 15-20 touches after getting more than 30 last week.

4. LAMAR JACKSON, Louisville, QB

He’s in some weird wasteland right now but he’s still the best single player for entertainment purposes when he gets it going. This week Louisville plays a high school team so it shouldn’t amount to much in terms of “meaning” but it seems like the Cardinals can use some practice to get their timing right as Lamar and his receivers have been out of sync the last couple of weeks. He played into the 4th quarter last week against Kent State and threw 2 INTs which is really weird. I still have him as the best QB prospect in the draft next year but that’s starting to be more about all of the big names having glaring weaknesses more than it is Lamar wowing me consistently.

5. ANTHONY WINBUSH, Ball State, EDGE

The nation’s leader in sacks (awesome) but he plays in the MAC (bad.) Winbush is going to be head up against a first round prospect this week in Western Michigan’s Chukwuma Okorafor so if we come back and he’s sitting on 10 sacks next week, we’ll have to keep him here. There’s no way I’m watching a MAC game on purpose so if one of you does please drop in tomorrow and give us all a better scouting report. Winbush is sized like a LB for NFL purposes, I don’t know how athletic he really is but I see some sites give him credit for a 4.67 time in the 40-yard dash. That could get him some day 2 looks as a tweener EDGE.

6. BRADLEY CHUBB, N.C. State, EDGE

Florida State’s offensive line was a known weakness coming into 2017 and it’s actually looked worse than expected through two games but Chubb has to get some credit for that in last week’s big upset. That was a total trap game for the Seminoles to try breaking in a new starter, by the way. Don’t count on them looking that stupid for the rest of the season. Chubb is more of a classic EDGE defender and it’s not crazy to think he ends up in the first round. Great chance to pile up even more TFLs and sacks this week against a Syracuse team that sucks but also throws the ball a shit ton.

7. JALEN HURTS, Alabama, QB

I’m just gonna leave him hanging out down here for now. He’s looked really good to me so far. Does he have any pro upside at all? I don’t think so but he’s a wildly effective college player who’s more integral to what Bama’s doing than people probably realize.

8. JOSEY JEWELL, Iowa, LB

I was so close to putting him as #1. Then Iowa gave up a last second TD to lose after he’d been as everywhere as he could be through the first 59:56 against Penn State. Was that last play on him, really? Sort of. If you’re a defensive “QB” you should probably recognize that with 4 seconds left the only thing you need to do is keep the opponent out of the end zone. That game fucked with my mind. I still wanted to puff him up a little because I won’t bring him up again this year and he’s a good player.

9. ED OLIVER, Houston, DT

This is a placeholder. Oliver got gameplanned out of the stadium for the most part last week.

10. CAM PHILLIPS, Virginia Tech, WR

Trying to get ahead of a potential hype train here. Phillips has put up some eye popping numbers so far and if he does it against Clemson (somewhat possible - he should win one on one against Clemson’s back but that doesn’t mean Josh Jackson will have any time to actually get him the ball) the whole country will know his name. Don’t get too ready but be sort of ready for that to happen.

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RTARLsman Trophy Award for the 2019 FBS Season

He’ll finish fourth in the Heisman voting but Chase Young wins the world’s most internet college football trophy award for the 2019 season.

Congratulations, Chase Young, your life has probably peaked but you can still make a ton of money and win a bunch of awards in the NFL, too.

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Run to the RTARLsman 2017: Week 3

Sad week at RTARL headquarters as our most beloved was brought low in week 3 and now the Facebooks are not answering our calls.

Just kidding, Lamar Jackson is going to be fine. He seemed really out of sorts after I puffed him up all week but such is life. If he keeps doing the same shit against teams with less defensive line talent then we’ll have a problem.

1. DEXTER LAWRENCE, DT, Clemson

I was ready for this inevitability even as I tried to steel myself against it. Dexter Lawrence is the analog to Ndamukong Suh vs. Ed Oliver’s Warren Sapp corollary. Lawrence is way to huge to be wildly athletic and talented at football. It seems plausible at this far off point that the top 3 picks in the 2019 NFL draft will be defensive linemen. If that happens, Lawrence would go #1 over Oliver and over Michigan’s Rashan Gary.

2. ED OLIVER, DT, Houston

Lawrence had a bigger stage than Oliver will get this year and didn’t quite cause the sort of rampant destruction that Oliver did against Louisville last year but don’t worry. Houston has a pretty strong pass rush through two games but they haven’t really played anybody. They’ve got Texas Tech this week so next week I’ll still be saying the same thing. TTU doesn’t block so I don’t see how this game can prove much of anything.

3. ANTHONY MILLER, WR, Memphis

I kind of forgot that he came back for this season until last week but he sure did torch UCLA. He’s as good as anybody in college football at tracking the deep ball and he’s playing with a QB who can launch it pretty well. No apparent relation to the Anthony Miller that used to play for the Chargers even though that one went to college in the same state. The feel good part about this Miller is that he was a walk on who didn’t even get regular playing time until last year, his redshirt junior season.

4. RASHAAD PENNY, RB, San Diego State

Penny is starting to get hype from other quarters but remember that I’ve loved him longer than you have. I hinted at his presence in all of my Donnell Pumphrey talk and now Penny is a star after beating up Stanford. Now SDSU is a top 25 team which I always find delightful. Penny is going to get to the pros at the sweet spot of production and untapped potential. He’s relatively huge compared to Pumphrey and he gets to the seams almost as quick. Truly entertaining stuff.

5. BRYCE LOVE, RB, Stanford

Stanford is failing because of weird gameplanning and a surprisingly bad defense but that doesn’t change the fact that Love runs for like 15 yards every time he gets the ball. I don’t want to watch too much Stanford football because that shit sucks but Love has been incredible and deserves some hype.

6. JONATHAN TAYLOR, RB, Wisconsin

I’m only making space for one B1G freshman running back and I’m going with the one whose coaches don’t seem to be actively trying to lose games. Statistically he’s about on par with J.K. Dobbins but I bet if you dig deeper he’s had to fight less hard for that yardage. Is that a good argument for him being a better player? No, but it means I’m trying to avoid watching Ohio State for the rest of the year.

7. ROYCE FREEMAN, RB, Oregon

Freeman is getting the redemption this year that I thought Nick Chubb would get. Chubb hasn’t been bad but he also hasn’t been transcendent. Freeman has been beating the hell out of opponents and already has 9 TDs on the year. That’s that good stuff.

8. JALEN HURTS, QB, Alabama

I was ready to buy into Tua coming into the season but Hurts has been legitimately great and I truly believe that Bama would be fucked up if they had to run anybody else out there at QB right now.

9. LAMAR JACKSON, QB, Louisville

I’m not bailing on Lamar. Really, I’m not. I feel like he played Clemson in his mind more than he did on the field and that could be a bad sign of things to come or it could have just been one bad week. Sad that it happened when all of the media spotlight was there for him to shine but we’ll have to hold our horses on what this means for the rest of the year. He’s still got the best skill set of any player in the country he just has to “play within himself” as the saying goes.

10. OGBONNIA OKORONKWO, EDGE, Oklahoma

If you want something funny to watch this weekend check in on Baylor’s blockers trying to contain Okoronkwo. He’s a top 10 pick in next year’s draft who doesn’t get a lot of hype from draft twitter because they’re scared to fuck up his name but you can just look for #31. He will probably be leading the nation in TFL after this week.

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Run to the RTARLsman 2017: Week 2

Last week was a mess but there were still some legitimate standouts.

I’m not entirely off any of the preseason guys just yet though Richie James isn’t getting the kind of even-more-expanded usage I was hoping for and counting on. He has hardly run the ball at all and he’s not entirely lighting it up. MTSU has played two power 5 teams (technically) so far so maybe he’ll go nuts in conference play? He’s out of the running for now, though. I’m sure he’ll be a hot topic of draft convo come March 2018 regardless of whether he makes it back into RTARLsman contention.

1. LAMAR JACKSON, QB, Louisville

This coming up game against Clemson is obviously massive for Lamar in the national conversation. I don’t think he can get taken out of the Heisman running, really, but he can almost lock up a repeat if he goes nuts against a defense with basically an NFL-caliber defensive line. It’s a little crazy but this is basically about when he locked it up last year by humiliating Florida State. If he gets out with 400+ yards total offense and a win? Fuck it, you can pretty much hand him the trophy and start the jockeying for him as #1 pick in the draft.

2. ED OLIVER, DT, Houston

He’s a defensive tackle because he lines up there but I’ll be damned if he isn’t out playing in space once the ball gets past the line of scrimmage. For anybody that didn’t get the chance to see Warren Sapp at The U (fuck that stupid bowl game and fuck that murdering linebacker), Oliver basically plays like him. He’s all over the damn field and if he isn’t in the play statistically (though he had 11 or so tackles with 1.5 TFL last week, basically Lamar Jackson-type stats for a DT) it’s opponents focusing on him that lets anybody else on UH make anything happen. I’m not enough of a crazy person to say you should watch him play against Rice this week but I’ll be checking on it.

3. CLELIN FERRELL, EDGE, Clemson

I just put him here because I haven’t mentioned him before. This is a team ranking but wait for it...

4. CHRISTIAN WILKINS, DL, Clemson

... because Ferrell isn’t alone. Wilkins is back inside this year and is playing like Ed Oliver only...

5. DEXTER LAWRENCE, DL, Clemson

... he’s surrounded by similar talents on the inside and the edge.

6. AUSTIN BRYANT, EDGE, Clemson

This guy actually had the best production from a statistical standpoint in last week’s destruction of Auburn’s offensive line. On Clemson, Bryant barely stands out. Which means he’ll be a borderline 1st round/2nd round guy in the draft. He’s got perfect size, athleticism, effort, technique and he barely saw the field until this year as a junior. I feel like maybe Greg Schiano was looking at Clemson’s roster when he made his stupid pronouncement earlier this year about how great Ohio State’s line is. Those guys are good. These guys are ridiculous.

7. RASHAAD PENNY, RB, San Diego State

The nation’s leading rusher (yards per game) is going to play a Stanford team that just got gored by USC’s Ronald Jones II. I think Penny is a little bit better than Jones but his team is obviously worse. Here’s to hoping he can run for 10 ypc against Stanford, too.

8. RONALD JONES II, RB, USC

He’s about one more great performance away from supplanting Sam Darnold in the Heisman convo. I don’t love him as a pro prospect but it was kind of funny having somebody shred Stanford like they were pre-Harbaugh Stanford.

9. DIOCEMY SAINT JUSTE, RB, Hawaii

Is this guy a legitimate star? I don’t know. I just wanted to put somebody in here ahead of the gentleman from the Iceland government. The great Diocemy is still leading the nation in total rushing yardage but he’s had an extra game over most of the competition.

10. SAQUON BARKLEY, RB, Penn State

Didn’t really do anything last week as the rape cover-up guy in charge seems to be in favor of leaning heavily on his chuck-and-duck QB rather than give the ball to one of the three most obviously talented players in the country. At least when Barkley’s had the ball this year he’s been able to do stuff with it, in marked counterpoint to what Derrius Guice has done so far.

Now, you may feel the need to complain, “What about Baker Mayfield?”

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Run to the RTARLsman 2017: Week 1

Let’s keep this as short and pointless as possible.

I hated last week from an individual heroics standpoint. Josh Rosen? Cool comeback but he also threw about 10 passes that should have been picked. I do love the kid but I also didn’t think he actually showed out the best on his team. So he’s not on this list. Richie James broke my heart by not doing much last week and I started getting flashbacks to Rashard Higgins as a junior, which hurt extra this week in light of him not making the 53-man roster for the Browns.

The words will be few this week because I don’t feel like I have my bearings just yet.

1. LAMAR JACKSON, QB, Louisville

485 total yards and it felt a little dicey. He’s got some stuff to work on but I’ll be damned if his arm didn’t look extra zippy.

2. CHARLES WRIGHT, RB, Vanderbilt

He’s actually a linebacker but ncaa.com has him listed as an RB so I’m running with it. Tied for the national lead with 3 sacks and all alone with 33 negative yards forced. No idea if he’s any good, I just like the idea of a running back leading the nation in those stats.

3. CALEB WILSON, TE, UCLA

The real hero of the big comeback against aTm. Wilson was open even more than he was targeted and he got 15 catches for 208 yards.

4. RASHAAD PENNY, RB, San Diego St.

I will never stop loving SDSU football.

5. ZACH ABEY, QB, Navy

He wouldn’t have missed the open pitch going for two to win the game against Tennessee.

6. BYRON MURPHY, CB, Washington

Again, no idea if he’s any good but he got 2 interceptions in his first ever college game. As Vince Lombardi was fond of saying, "Eyeball tests will only get you so far. You’re better off scoping out stats in the box score to see who’s really good.”

7. SAQUON BARKLEY, RB, Penn State

Knocked him back a few spots for his continuing lack of personal judgment but he had some neat highlights in week 1.

8. JESSE ERTZ, QB, Kansas State

The clear choice for best QB in the Big XII. Lombardi would cream himself into a coma if he saw a guy sporting a 319.8 passer rating. “Winning isn’t the only thing!” he always said.

9. ROYCE FREEMAN, RB, Oregon

4 rushing touchdowns and didn’t fuck up a sealed win against Tennessee.

10. MARK WALTON, RB, Miami

Looked fantastic against Bethune-Cookman, which is probably a top 10 team.

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THE DEGENERATE’S GUIDE TO COLLEGE FOOTBALL TV WATCH ‘EM UPS 2021: WEEK THREE: THE END OF THE BEGINNING OF THE END

We’re still really in the early middle of the year. Sure, Oregon looked powerful against Ohio State but it’s possible Ohio State just hasn’t found it’s footing yet and the Ducks just peaked. Shit happens like that every year, more or less. You can pretty much count on Bama to win 10 and not much else. That only applies to football. The continued stratification of social classes, the accelerating collapse of natural systems that support human life, the complete lack of representation the average American in our freedom loving democracy- you can count on those things. Football is different, though: wilder but more ordered while somehow being better and stupider than real life all at the same time. It’ll be fun to all more or less die together, I think. So let’s get to the games!

I forget the business reason for having more major OOC games that actually stay on the schedule but we’re reaping the rewards for now. You know the rules: eastern times, average vegas odds at the time of writing, prediction abilities are bad on a good day, there’s supposed to be a weekly RTARLsman post but I haven’t done a real one in about 21 months, formatting errors up to and including listing the teams incorrectly aren’t worth pointing out because nobody’s coming to fix them anyway. I don’t expect professionalism out of you so don’t ask it out of me.

Saturday, September 18

Matchup                      Time (ET)        TV/Mobile

NIU at 25 Michigan     12:00pm            BTN

It’s easy to say Michigan is due for a self-inflicted dick kick the trick is to predict ahead of time when exactly the embarrassing, season-unraveling loss will come. I don’t think it’s today but I also don’t have a lot of faith in Michigan to cover a 27-point spread.

UAlbany at Syracuse     12:00pm        ACCN

I find it hard to believe Albany’s football program is in such disrepair that they don’t even warrant a line against Syracuse. I think we’ve had five 1AA-over 1A upsets so far this season. I couldn’t possibly watch this game but I’ll keep an eye out for it on the ticker. Syracuse is bad enough to lose anywhere to anybody.

  Tennessee Tech at Tennessee   12:00pm    ESPN+/SECN+

I should probably find a site that lists the good games at the top of each time slot instead of this free for all.

Western Michigan at Pitt     12:00pm    RSN/ESPN3

Pitt has actually looked pretty good so far but they don’t have an AP ranking yet. I can’t say much for this matchup so I just assume the Panthers cover the -14.5 and get a little number next to their name next week.

15 Virginia Tech at West Virginia     12:00pm    FS1

This is actually of some interest to me. Virginia Tech is ranked 15 on account of beating UNC but it’s not hard to imagine that neither the Hokies nor the Heels are actually worthy of a ranking. WFV is favored at home but still might trigger some couch burning and “upset” talk with a win. The Mountaineers are this week’s new collection from Homefield Apparel so expect some magic!

Boston College at Temple        12:00pm     ESPNU

Old Big East rivalry game. Nobody can look away.

Chattanooga at Kentucky         12:00pm     ESPN+/SECN+

I thought Chattanooga had moved up to 1A but there’s no line listed for this game so I guess not.

8 Cincinnati at Indiana           12:00pm            ESPN

Indiana was good last year and maybe that was just a once-in-a-generation fluke but I’ve still got visions of the Hoosiers toppling Cincy and ruining their theoretically possible playoff run. I’m assuming the Bearcats won’t play anybody else better than IU this year but that’s just a guess backed by historical precedent which isn’t a thing you should really use to gamble on college football.

16 Coastal Carolina at Buffalo    12:00pm      ESPN2

Chanticleers vs. Bulls, the eternal struggle writ in football. I don’t think the CSUNY school is particularly good this year but Coastal being favorited by 14 points in an early kickoff road games still feels like a trap to this sharp.

Michigan State at 24 Miami (FL)     12:00pm    ABC

Surprisingly to me, this is the fifth all-time meeting of these two schools. Just as surprising to me, Miami has never before lost to Michigan State. Weird but makes sense if you think about it, this will be the fourth out of five matchups played in Miami. As near as I can tell, Sparty tried to use the Canes the same way Notre Dame used to as an in-season bowl game but bailed on the idea when they kept losing. To be fair, Sparty’s record in bowl games isn’t that much better than their 0-4 against Miami. The last time these two met was 1989 when Percy Snow was on his way to the Butkus Award and Miami was on their way to a third National Championship. The Hurricanes team was pretty well-stacked but is probably the least remembered of their title teams. It did feature future Hall of Famer Cortez Kennedy and a freshman OL that would go on to be September 2021′s hottest head coach in cfb, Mario Cristobal. This year’s Miami roster might look good in 30 years but right now they’re a little messy. D’Eriq King is only 8 months removed from ACL surgery (if you watch the game you will hear about this several hundred time) and has so far looked bad on his throws and a touch slower than he has in the past. Which makes sense given the timeframe but does not generally bode well for Miami’s prospects for this season.

Nebraska at 3 Oklahoma         12:00pm         FOX

If Oklahoma is a real title contender they are gonna lay Nebraska the fuck out. I’m scared of the 22.5-point line just because I don’t think the Sooners defense could stop Bishop Sycamore but it’s not crazy to think Nebraska can saw their own dicks off to the tune of a four-score loss.

New Mexico at 7 Texas A&M     12:00pm       SECN

Fuck. Jimbo must be stopped. I hate this Aggies team. UNM isn’t the team to do it but somebody along the way has to throttle aTm or this season is going to become a plague the likes of which we haven’t seen since... well, now, I guess.

UConn at Army                 12:00pm         CBSSN

Reading this matchup aloud five times in a mirror will kill college football.

Southeast Missouri at Missouri      12:00pm       ESPN+/SECN+

The southeastern part of the state will travel to within the bounds of the state for a classic football game somewhere within the borders of the state.

Minnesota at Colorado            1:00pm         P12N

I’m not completely disinterested. It’s weird and doesn’t have any national impact. Not much more you can ask for in a game you probably can’t find on your TV.

Nevada at Kansas State          2:05pm          ESPN+

Hell yeah, this is trash. Nevada is a road favorite! Take KState all the way.

Purdue at 12 Notre Dame         2:30pm          NBC

Notre Dame has looked a little bit of a mess so far but they’ve won both of their games. Not the worst position to be in. Purdue has also won both of their games. I don’t want to get my hopes up just yet but it seems like the Irish are riding the razor’s edge just asking to be pushed off. Keep an eye on this score, maybe the good people of the world will have something to celebrate in the late afternoon/early evening.

Kent State at 5 Iowa                 3:30pm         BTN

Iowa’s fifth? It’s too fucking early for this shit.

Florida State at Wake Forest     3:30pm         ESPN

0-2 Florida State goes on the road as a 4-point underdog to face 2-0 Wake Forest. Mike Norvell is really out on a plank right now and I am not sure he can safely find his way back to the deck.

Georgia Tech at 6 Clemson        3:30pm          ABC

Clemson’s got talent all over and Georgia Tech sucks but I’m still not sold on DJ Uigalelei as an NFL savior type of player. Or a national championship winner for that matter. He reminds me of EJ Manuel.

Baylor at Kansas                    3:30pm             ESPN+

Baylor is not good but the betting public is getting hip to the “bet against Kansas every chance you get” strategy so the line has jumped four points already this week and I wouldn’t be surprised if it makes it another couple before kickoff to get to 20+. Which is still probably too kind to the Jayhawks.

1 Alabama at 11 Florida           3:30pm           CBS

Bama has only had a couple of practice games against lower division opponents but they look as complete as any team I can remember from a talent/scheme perspective. This is a pretty good test and the 15-point line seems a little over-confident on the road in the Swamp. If the Bammers really do overwhelm the Gators then you can pretty much start planning on their return to the CFB Playoffs.

Tulsa at 9 Ohio State                3:30pm            FS1

Every week of every year I struggle to keep Tulsa and Toledo straight. Toledo is the one that almost beat Notre Dame last week. Tulsa is the one that lost to UC-Davis in week 1. Ohio State may be troubled on defense but that only matters against other top-tier teams. Having the line moving in Tulsa’s direction is absolute lunacy. If the Buckeyes can’t cover 25 points then they’re in real trouble. For now my guess is that Oregon is just better than we realized and OSU is going to be fine.

SMU at Louisiana Tech             3:30pm         CBSSN

This is my kind of counter-programming if nothing else is close. Not sure if there are some ponies down to have points shifting towards the Karl Malones but I think SMU is up to a two-score win.

LIU at Miami (Ohio)                    3:30pm          ESPN+

Sure, whatever you say.

USC at Washington State         3:30pm            FOX

At first I thought this was USC-UW and I was ready to emotionally invest in the drama but it’s just Wazzou. USC giving up on a playoff spot in week two to sit around and wait for Urban Meyer is going to be fucking hilarious when the Trojans end up getting jilted at the altar.

Idaho at Oregon State                3:30pm           P12N Oregon

Pac-12 Network Oregon. This implies the existence of a P12N Washington. I’ve seen the main network on TV before. It was fine if a little bit too “featuring Matt Leinart” for my tastes but seeing the weird way they’ve splintered their content is giving me a deeper understanding of west coast football fans that absolutely hate the Pac-12 Network.

Bryant at Akron                           3:30pm           ESPN3

Tune in to see some guy named Bryant touring around Akron.

Elon at Appalachian State          3:30pm           ESPN+

I hope App State runs this grifter out of their campus on a rail. The more bad stuff happens to Elon Musk the better off all of humanity will be.

Delaware at Rutgers                   3:30pm             BTN

Fuck me, this is just all the pain in the world masquerading as a sporting event.

Eastern Michigan at UMass         3:30pm          FloFootball/NESN+

I don’t have much interest in this game but seeing that it’s available on the Nintendo Entertainment System Network is intriguing.

Colorado State at Toledo              4:00pm           ESPNU

Toledo blew a huge opportunity last week so they’re ripe for a letdown but all signs point to Colorado State being incredibly bad at football this year.

Sacramento State at California    4:00pm          P12N Bay Area

P12N Bay Area probably reaches cable subscribers in like Vallejo and nowhere else in the entire world. When I put it that way it seems like exactly where this game belongs but it’s still not a thing that should exist. I mean the network but it’s true for the game also.

Northwestern at Duke              4:00pm              ACCN

Disgusting.

Mississippi State at Memphis        4:00pm          ESPN2

I think Memphis can knock down the SEC’s middle tier but I haven’t gotten a clear idea of either of these teams yet.

Georgia Southern at 20 Arkansas       4:00pm      SECN

Arkansas rose up last week because of the weird insistence by Lice Dad that playing a middling Texas team was the biggest game in school history. Arkansas has played in the SEC CG more than once. They’ve won a national championship. How does a guy that’s paid to be an SEC homer even make such a dumb statement and keep his job?

Ball State at Wyoming                  4:00pm             Stadium

I watched the CFB 150 episode about the Black 14 this week so now it’s all I can think about for Wyoming football.

Arkansas State at Washington       4:15pm            P12N

What the hell happened to UDub to fall back to this lowly spot? Did Chris Peterson just fall on his ass in recruiting?

Murray State at Bowling Green       5:00pm           ESPN3

This sounds like a sixties movie title for a spy agency thriller that could be mistaken for a comedy when not viewed through a then-contemporary lens.

East Carolina at Marshall                 6:00pm         Facebook

ECU is looking like a doormat and Marshall might be really good again but I would never in good conscience ever contribute to facebook’s good fortunes wittingly.

Fordham at Florida Atlantic             6:00pm             ESPN3

I want to love this game but I actually hate it.

Old Dominion at Liberty                    6:00pm           ESPN3

There is going to be so much COVID passed around this stadium.

Middle Tennessee at UTSA                6:00pm          ESPN+

Beautiful, horrible, unwatchable mess. This is where you go to feel like you are alone in the universe.

Troy at Southern Miss                        7:00pm             ESPN+

There’s also this.

Grambling State at Houston               7:00pm             ESPN+

And this one.

Utah at San Diego State                      7:00pm            CBSSN

This is real entertainment. Twitter will be all over the next listing so I’ll be FOMO’d into watching that for a while but SDSU-Utah on CBS SN might be where I first dreamt up the concept of degenerate football. It was either that or a UFL game featuring a QB duel between Daunte Culpepper and Jeff Garcia.

South Carolina at 2 Georgia               7:00pm             ESPN

I’m waiting for Georgia to bumble. I’m counting on it. Georgia-Clemson was a classic early season game that somehow helps both teams in the rankings all year but ends up actually being a showcase of how shitty their offense are rather than a referendum on great defense.

UIW at Texas State                             7:00pm              ESPN3

I think UIW is a union trade school or something. So I guess I’m rooting for them.

Charlotte at Georgia State                 7:00pm              ESPN+

Charlotte’s semester in Atlanta would shape her life in ways that nobody could have envisioned when she left her family’s home in the late summer following her failed attempt to run a bakeshop.

FIU at Texas Tech                              7:00pm             ESPN+

Maybe I actually hate college football.

Florida A&M at USF                           7:00pm             ESPN+

USF could lose this. Worth checking on if you see an upset alert.

Furman at NC State                          7:30pm            RSN/ESPN3

Body bag game.

Utah State at Air Force                     7:30pm             FS2

Kind of neat degenerate game but, depending on the uniform choices, could be a bit monotone and tough to follow.

Virginia at 21 North Carolina             7:30pm             ACCN

The South’s Oldest Rivalry! Like most of the previous 125 meetings of these two school’s, this year’s game will mainly decide who sucks worse. Of course in the ACC Coastal being slightly less bad than your opponents is the winningest strategy of all. Go Hoos!

Stony Brook at 4 Oregon                   7:30pm            P12N

Great scheduling to follow up an emotional game with a body bag. I’m not being facetious, this is right where you need these games.

UAB at North Texas                          7:30pm           Stadium

Not gonna open an app or whatever to watch this but I bet it’s fun for off-brand college football.

Central Michigan at LSU                  7:30pm             SECN

LSU at home at night is supposed to be the best atmosphere in college football. Way better than a 19.5-point line against Central Michigan. What stage of LSU’s life cycle are we in right now?

22 Auburn at 10 Penn State               7:30pm            ABC

War goddamn Eagle, baby. Penn State is doing that stupid white out thing which, correct if I’m wrong again, only goes for the people in the stands. So they’ll all be dressed up in pretty much Auburn’s road colors to watch Auburn. I hate Auburn but I really hate Penn State.

Alcorn State at South Alabama          8:00pm           ESPN3

Things are looking rough for the rest of the docket.

Rice at Texas                                      8:00pm            LHN

A battle of equals.

Stanford at Vanderbilt                        8:00pm           ESPNU

Look at this American aristocracy horse shit. Fuck these schools and the teams of horses that carried them in.

Tulane at 17 Mississippi                      8:00pm              ESPN2

The racist south may just have the nation’s best QB. It’s a good year for Matt Corral to show off his arm strength because 2022 is not looking like a bumper crop of QB draftees at this far off date. He’s small for the position but Kyler Murray, Baker Mayfield and Russell Wilson are all smaller. If the arm talent is real he could go #1 overall.

Jackson State at ULM                         8:00pm              ESPN3

Nope.

SC State at New Mexico State            8:00pm           FloFootball / CW El Paso

Sorry.

Oklahoma State at Boise State              9:00pm          FS1

Whoa whoa whoa. This is uniform heaven. And on the blue turf? Your eyes will burn. Embrace that feeling.

Northern Arizona at Arizona                  10:00pm          P12N AZ

P12N AZ. Holy shit. What the hell were these people thinking? This has to be the smallest demo ever targeted by a network.

19 Arizona State at 23 BYU                     10:15pm          ESPN

Seeing these teams face off as ranked opponents is very weird. Real late 80s vibe here. It’s titillating in its way. Might not even be the most fun game in the late night region.

14 Iowa State at UNLV                           10:30pm           CBSSN

UNLV is an absolute wasteland of a program. It’s kind of stupid, really. They aren’t in an unsellable spot and they don’t play the most rugged schedule but year after year after year they lose 9 or more games. Makes more sense than not having a good baseball program but there should be some G5 magic in Vegas. Iowa State is going to roll.

Fresno State at 13 UCLA                       10:45pm            P12N

Chip Kelly having UCLA as the premier program in L.A. is something I couldn’t have seen coming just last week but we’re there now. And Fresno State plays some wild offense that could/should make this the late night hangout spot. If you can find it. If you have this channel. That shouldn’t be a question! Fuckin’ a, Pac-12, what are you doing?

San Jose State at Hawaii                      12:30am            FS1

Technically a Sunday game but I cut the header because if you’re watching this there is an implicit understanding that it’s still Saturday. Not sure what’s going on with the kick time, though. I was under the impression that Hawaii games had to kick off by 11:59pm Eastern to count with the rest of the week’s games. Very odd. That’s really all I have to say about this game.

[racingtoaredlight]

On this day: Closing Bell: Friday Drugs: RTARLsman list following week 2 of the 2019 college football season

I do believe we have a consensus favorite for the televised award show that is merely a hollow imitation of the world’s most internet college football award. That’s not a rarity, there’s a phenomenon known as the “September Heisman.” Notable winners have included Marshall Faulk and Denard Robinson. But let’s not concern ourselves with such things here.

This is not a prediction of the Heisman market. This is a lazy update of who impresses me, the arbiter of all things RTARLsmatic.

1. RONDALE MOORE, WR, Purdue

People watch Purdue games on purpose these days. Not a lot of people. But any number of people watching Purdue on purpose is aberrational. The nation’s leader in receiving and all-purpose yardage is to blame.

2. JALEN HURTS, QB, Oklahoma

Baker Mayfield and Calamari weren’t in mainstream NFL draft discussions until November or December but the drumbeat is already starting for hurts. Maybe this Oklahoma head coach is as real as it gets. I still hate them.

3. DARRYNTON EVANS, RB, Appalachian State

He’s put up numbers. Sometimes that’s enough. Now it one of those times.

4. JACE WHITTAKER, DB, Arizona State

Is he good? I have no idea. He has 3 interceptions. What a legend.

5. OLUWOLE BETIKU, JR., EDGE, Illinois

Google tells me that he has burst on the scene. Have you heard of him at all? He has 5 sacks and 6.5 TFL in two weeks. Illinois (the program) needs something to hang some hopes on. I think Simeon Rice was the last good player there.

6. JOE BURROW, QB, LSU

Finally, something good comes out of Ohio State. Now watch for Burrow’s name to surface in Jeffrey Epstein’s flight logs.

7. TUA TAGOVAILOA, QB, Alabama

He’s pretty good, in my opinion.

8. HANK BACHMEIER, QB, Boise St.

That’s one clutch-ass motherfuckin clutcher of a freshman clutch QB.

9. JONATHAN SONG, K, TCU

5 field goals per game and 100% accuracy. A true star.

10. MICHAEL TURK, P, Arizona State

I know what you’re thinking: “Too low!” And I agree

[racingtoaredlight]

On this day: Closing Bell: Friday Drugs: RTARLsman list following week 1 of the 2019 college football season

The imperative to get awards out ever faster and rank things continuously is the blogger’s lot in this cruel modern world. So here are the players that impressed me much over the past two weeks of week 1 of this current new college football season.

1. TRAVIS ETIENNE, RB, Clemson

The nation’s second leading rusher, after a short game against Georgia Tech, Etienne looked like the best player on the field. Real Reggie Bush Heisman potential over here.

2. CEDRIC BYRD, WR, Hawaii

14 catches for 224 yards and 4 TDs seems like a ridiculous, once-in-a-lifetime kind of stat line but if Hawaii’s offense plays like it’s designed to then it could be sort of average. That’s what the RTARLsman exists for: a 200 catch / 3,000 yard / 48 TD season.

3. CHUBA HUBBARD, RB, Oklahoma State

I love it when a guy with a cool name lives up to his hype. Is Chuba Hubbard the best RB in Oklahoma State history? Probably. Seems likely, even.

4. JALEN HURTS, QB, Oklahoma

I hate putting him here because I hated watching him so much at Alabama but it was cool seeing him run an offense that gives him some freedom to be himself and he did put up stupid stats. I think you all know the famous Vince Lombardi quote by now: “Winning isn’t the only thing, there’s also stats!”

5. ZACK MOSS, RB, Utah

I like Zack Moss as a player but this is more an attempt to stay on top of this year’s version of David Montgomery. I don’t have any reason to troll Utah fans so I’m just going to admit that I like Moss.

6. HANK BACHMEIER, QB, Boise State

Mountain West 4 Lyfe, as one often hears in the RTARL offices on Blog Street, Downtown San Francisco, New York, NY, the media heart of the world. True freshman QB with funny sibling names and a big comeback win on the road against Florida State is actually impressive even if Willie Taggert still hasn’t brought his new bus in for much needed servicing.

7. RONDALE MOORE, WR, Purdue

He’s going to have to do it all himself, which is a tough position to be in as a wide receiver. The only interesting player in the B1G.

8. TUA TAGOVAILOA, QB, Alabama

I saw some Tua slander in the comments last week and I don’t get it. What does he not do that you want a QB to do? I don’t remember who was badmouthing him last week but SHOW YOURSELF!!! and explain. Really, I’m interested to read what perceived shortcomings there are here.

9. LWAL UGUAK, EDGE, UConn

The nation’s leader in sack yardage, he’s Canadian and plays for a shitty team. How could I love him more? Easy, he almost went to Fresno State. But this is fine for our purposes today.

10. HASAN DEFENSE, DB, Kansas

I hope this guy becomes a coach some day. I don’t know if he’s actually good but he scored a touchdown on an interception return and he’s named Defense.

[racingtoaredlight]

2019 Run to the RTARLsman opening long list of candidates

The obvious preseason awards favorites are, kind of obviously, from Clemson and Alabama. But there are several other players who could end up becoming huge names and/or huge producers away from the NFL-level publicity spotlight!

Here is my list of guys I am excited for this season:

Louis Hedley, P, Miami - The clear cut favorite among non-Clemson/Bammer players.

Jeff Thomas, WR, Miami - On the one hand he should be an absolutely massive star this season and into the NFL. On the other hand he might decide to just quit the team at any given moment.

Brevin Jordan, TE, Miami - He’s a little dinged up already but he’s also the best of the bunch on a Miami team with three potential first round picks at TE and a pretty good history at the position.

Trevor Lawrence, QB, Clemson - A preseason Heisman pick so obvious it has almost no chance of actually happening.

Travis Etienne, RB, Clemson - I’m most of the way to expecting him to hit 2,000 rushing yards in the regular season.

Tee Higgins / Justyn Ross, WR, Clemson - Neither one has much of a shot at the Heisman but they’re both Randy Moss clones playing with the best QB in college football.

Tua Tagovailoa, QB, Alabama - An obvious star from the first time he hit the field, Tua is in the mix to go overall #1 in 2020 and will probably be a better player this season with worse stats than last season. Such is life.

Jerry Jeudy, WR, Alabama - I think I would actually take Jeudy over the Clemson guys in the draft. The last time I felt this strongly about a Bama WR was Julio Jones and history has been kind to those feelings.

Najee Harris, RB, Alabama - Pretty good, huge, plays for Bama. Pencil him as a first team All-American at least.

Khalil Tate, QB, Arizona - Yes, he’s still in college and no he hasn’t been there for very long.

Jordan Love, QB, Utah State - Great QB size with a huge arm. Getting some dark horse attention from CFB writers already as a potential top 10 pick next year.

Cole McDonald, QB, Hawaii - Staying in the Mountain West. McDonald turned the ball over a lot late in the season last year, which I don’t care about if you’re throwing 75 passes a game but he was throwing 30-40 most weeks. I still love Hawaii’s scheme even if it is a gimmick.

Trey Sermon, RB, Oklahoma - This is more of an anti-Jalen Hurts pick than a vote of confidence in Sermon. I do think Sermon is pretty good, though.

Rondale Moore, WR, Purdue - Only player I currently give a shit about in the B1G.

Pooka Williams, RB, Kansas - Did something bad enough that Les Miles had to pretend to consider suspending him. Good enough as a player that Les Miles didn’t suspend him. Made the RTARLsman list a couple of times last year.

Chuba Hubbard, RB, Oregon State - I don’t know anything about this kid but his name rules.

Laviska Shenault, WR, Colorado - Could have made some All-American teams last year if he hadn’t gotten hurt.

D’Eriq King, QB, Houston - Sometimes he’s fun to watch.

Kellen Mond, QB, Texas A&M - Has a little bit of first round hype and I don’t like him very much as a player so history tells us he should be great.

Bryce Hall, CB, Virginia - I thought he was the best DB in the country last year and for some reason he returned for his senior year. Weird. He would have gone in the top 20.

Jonathan Taylor, RB, Wisconsin - I think Taylor is really good, not just a compiler. 

If there is anybody I missed you need to know how much I was thinking of you personally when I “forgot.”

[racingtoaredlight]

Friday drugs: closing bell: on this day: Friday, November 30th: RTARLsman Finalists for the 2018 Season

Why do we do it this way, giving out awards before the most important games of the season? I mean us here at RTARL? It’s because of traffic. It’s because player of the year shit crescendos with the Heisman ceremony and after that nobody cares en masse.

It’s a funny justification because nobody cares about the RTARLsman before or during the Heisman ceremony, either, but it’s more likely that somebody will notice us during this next couple of weeks. Not very likely in any case but more likely. 

This is a finalists post because I haven’t made up my mind entirely but there’s really no shot anybody besides these 6 players gets our virtual hardware for the 2018 season. That means no Rondale Moore, no Darrell Henderson (even though he has a chance to get some serious All-American hype with a great game this weekend), no Travis Etienne, no Pooka Williams, no Justin Szmyt. 

1. QUINNEN WILLIAMS, DL, Alabama

It’s very odd we’re at this point but there’s a decent chance Williams gets drafted over my beloved Ed Oliver. As a prospect they’re not dissimilar due to their size and likely usage in the NFL but Williams has clearly had a better year due to being on the field and not being coached by Mark D’Onofrio. Oliver had higher highs and actually has better counting stats even with all of the missed time but Williams is driving maybe the best Alabama team of all time. So I guess context matters.

2. TUA TAGOVAILOA, QB, Alabama

The very obvious difference maker for this year’s Bama team is Tua. It’s been at least 40 years since the Tide had a pro prospect on Tua’s level at QB. That’s opened things up for the insane receiving corps and taken pressure off a defense that wasn’t really championship level at the start of the season. Now the whole machine is humming and Tua has put up Big XII-type numbers in the SEC. You know, that line had more punch in a pre-LSU/aTm world.

3. GRANT DELPIT, DB, LSU

It’s not Delpit’s fault that things went as crazy as they did in 7 overtimes last week but that underscores where the game as a whole is right now. No defensive back (or even two) can impact a game enough to keep the score down. Delpit had an incredible season and boosted his stock as high as possible but from a team-building perspective, how could you choose him over a passer or a pass-rusher? It’s weird that an all-passing, all-the-time version of football actually mitigates the overall impact of a great defensive back but here we are.

4. TREVOR LAWRENCE, QB, Clemson

Clemson’s answer to Tua is a year younger and comes with draft hype that will escape all bounds of sanity by the time he’s eligible in 2021. If you don’t hate Lawrence yet just give it a year or two. Sure, there’s plenty of grace to fall from between now and then but this kid’s gun is otherworldly and I just assume the Tigers keep rolling. If Dabo Swinney really does leave, though? Who knows what the next regime could do. For now I’m enthralled with the difference in looks between the Kelly Bryant-led offense and what it looks like now.

5. KYLER MURRAY, QB, Oklahoma

Murray’s athleticism, aggression, arm strength and stats are right up my alley. I also deeply heart two-sport stars. I wish Murray could give the NFL a shot just to know whether he could handle it but there is no way to pull off the Bo Jackson/Deion Sanders role at QB. I still feel bad putting a Big XII quarterback here but the whole sport from junior high to the NFL is now playing Big XII football. So why hold out anymore?

6. GERALD WILLIS III, DL, Miami

It’s a little sad to me that you’ll all just see this as a homer pick instead of looking at just how good Willis was this year. It’s his 14th year in college so I’m not sure how he stacks up as a pro prospect but it’s an unholy shame that Miami could put out the defense they did this year and not even win the worst division in the Power 5. Willis was the key to keeping a truly inept offense in every game. Job Garvin matched his TFL numbers but Garvin is an EDGE defender who’s supposed to rack up stats and all the line schemes Miami faced were funneled towards Willis and Joe Jackson. I wish his time in school had been less fraught  but at least we got one great season out of a guy who entered college (at Florida) as a massively hyped high school player.

Cast your RTARLsman vote!

[racingtoaredlight]

On this day: closing bell: friday drugs: RTARLsman rankings following the games of College Football 2019 season: week 10

If you follow national sports punditry there is one serious candidate for the Heisman Trophy playing on the defensive side of the ball. The RTARLsman is a much better than that.

1. GREGORY ROUSSEAU, DE, Miami

The U’s new breakout star, and reigning national defensive player of the week, is one of only two players to get 4 sacks in a game this season. Ergo, he is at least as good as the other guy to do it. Is it easier to get 4 sacks against FSU than Wisconsin? Well, FSU’s quarterback used to play for Wisconsin so... I guess definitively yes. But Rousseau is a year younger and doesn’t have any B1G stink on him. We are taking no further questions at this time.

2. CHUBA HUBBARD, RB, Oklahoma State

It’s about time a good running back played for Oklahoma State.

3. HAMILCAR RASHED, JR., LB, Oregon State

3 more sacks last week. I don’t see much draft hype for Rashed but he’s got great size, good athleticism, and he’s producing like crazy. Maybe he’s a mirage? More likely nobody cares about Oregon State and he’s just being overlooked.

4. CHASE YOUNG, DE, Ohio State

What is making me use DE instead of EDGE this week? I don’t know. Anyway, Young is ridiculous to the point that he might go #1 overall next year. He won’t. He’ll go like fifth because QBs are going 1-3 and then something stupid will happen at #4. Still, all things considered, I wish nothing but ill upon Ohio State athletics and I wish this kid all the worst.

5. LUQMAN BARCOO, CB, San Diego State

He’s tied for second in INTs per game while he’s out there defending the galaxy against the First Order.

6. JOE BURROW, QB, LSU

Second in the country in passing yards while playing for LSU. I know they aren’t running the terrible offense they’d been running for 63 years before this season but that still seems like an impossibility. All the hype in the world is riding on tomorrow’s game. I don’t expect Burrow to personally fuck things up. That is, historically, the highest compliment one can pay to an LSU offensive player.

7. KENNY GAINWELL, RB, Memphis

Gainwell won’t get a Heisman ceremony invite but he could win a bunch of freshman of the year awards. 

8. JALEN HURTS, QB, Oklahoma

The numbers are still stupid.

9. MALCOLM PERRY, QB, Navy

I’m starting to really believe Navy can take down Notre Dame (not super likely) and Army (pretty likely) and take the New Year’s Six bid. This can only end in flames.

10. TUA TAGOVAILOA, QB, Alabama

This is provisional. That’s a weak position, right? I think Tua deserves all of his college hype even if I’m not really sold on him as an elite NFL prospect. But I don’t know if he’s healthy enough to even play tomorrow, let alone play like himself. I hope he never gets hurt again and starts in the NFL for 20 years. But this is a hedge placement on this list.

[racingtoaredlight]

On this day: closing bell: friday drugs: RTARLsman rankings following the games of College Football 2019 season: week 5

The RTARLsman race is heating up as the temperature cools! Do you think that kind of copy is good enough to pick up some scab work at the reconfigured SI? 

We’re still pretty early in the season so there’s plenty of ground to gain and lose in the competition for college football’s most internet individual award. For now, this is the list:

1. TUA TAGOVAILOA, QB, Alabama

Yeah, his receivers are nuts but Tua is still sitting at 23 TDs and 0 INTs for the season. That’s just a little bit mind boggling. The TD total is currently leading the nation but he’s only third in passing efficiency. 

2. JALEN HURTS, QB, Oklahoma

Tops in the nation is passing efficiency and 15th in rushing yards per game. Lincoln Riley is going to end up with a third straight QB going #1 overall. That’s assuming the Raiders trade up to #1.

3. CHUBA HUBBARD, RB, Oklahoma State

I’m back in love after he shredded Kansas State for 296 yards on 25 carries. I wanted a gif of his 84-yard TD run but I’m pretty sure this still shot is from that run.

4. DEVONTA SMITH, WR, Alabama

It’s probably just a one week bump but 11 catches for 274 yards and 5 TDs against an ostensibly SEC defense deserves praise.

5. OLUWOLE BETIKU, JR., EDGE, Illinois

Still leading the nation in sacks while playing for a horrible Illinois team and I don’t want two Buckeyes on here no matter what. But, really, I love Betiku and hope he gets a good situation in the NFL.

6. JUSTIN FIELDS, QB, Ohio State

I’m choosing him as the Buckeyes candidate but the grounding isn’t really firm. Chase Young is probably the better player overall but Fields is a true star with some pretty outrageous production and potential of his own. I hate it.

7. JUSTIN HERBERT, QB, Oregon

This list is way too QB heavy this week for my liking. But there have been a lot of great QB performances this year and the position is so outsized in importance at this point it’s hard to notice anybody else. Herbert is one of three interceptionless QBs on the list this week.

8. SHANE BUECHELE, QB, SMU

Does he belong here statistically? No. Does he belong here for highlights? No. Does he belong here emotionally? Motherfucker, you ditch Texas to go make SMU a top 25 team for the first time since the death penalty and you’re goddamned going to make fucking shit out of the RTARLsman list. Horns down, bitch.

9. OMAR BAYLESS, WR, Arkansas State

Ever so slightly better production than Antonio Gandy-Golden and he had a bigger game last week. The nation’s leader in receiving yards. No idea if he’s a legit NFL prospect but that is supposed to be irrelevant for our purposes. It’s not but I want it to be.

10. TYLER HUNTLEY, QB, Utah

The final and lowest-rated of the zero INT quarterbacks. Huntely has only thrown 7 TDs but he has added three on the ground and he’s enough of a running threat for that to mean something. Had a great game against Washington State last week and the Utes are a serious contender for a Rose Bowl berth Good enough for me.

[racingtoaredlight]

The degenerate’s guide to college football TV watch ‘em ups, 2019 season, week 1, part 2

It’s cool to see the B1G embrace their identity as a Friday night conference. They must have seen all the recent Pac-12 national success and decided to copy it. Are you ready for more football? Some really bad football? Some super boring football? You’ve come to the right night!

I wouldn’t put much stock in any of the early results we’ve gotten. Wait a couple of weeks and see which young brand name serf is ruined for life and which new schemes have taken time to coalesce. Just know that football sucks and I hate you all. But I can’t go anywhere. I’m magnetized to the awfulness. Of football and you, our dear readers.

I write these disclaimers on the off chance a new reader stumbles in and doesn’t understand that the hardest part of writing these posts are copying the work of others. Time/TV/location info is from FBSchedules. Gambling info is from Vegas Insider. That’s how attribution is done. (Ahem! Don’t ask me about the picture.)

Friday, August 30

Matchup                                                                 Time (ET)        TV/Mobile

Rice at Army                                                           6:00pm            CBSSN

Army is supposed to be the good service academy now and Rice is supposed to still be Rice so a 22.5-point spread seems appropriate. I’m leaning heavily towards Army holding serve here at home. It’s been a long time since the Rice football program could be reliably described as slightly better than a massive open wound. The line has actually dropped a little, not interested in understanding what that’s all about. Follow my emotions and put your house on the line for the troops.

Tulsa at 18 Michigan State                                    7:00pm                FS1

Michigan State winning a game by more than 23 points sounds unlikely on the face of it. Is Brian Lewerke actually good now? Are they not point shaving anymore? Bet against Michigan State covering until they prove themselves worthy of any sort of respect, trust or faith as an athletic department or as a public institution. Really, to hell with Sparty.

19 Wisconsin at USF                                              7:00pm              ESPN

He’s no rising star these days but I still want good things for Charlie Strong. And bad things for Paul Chryst. So my rooting interests are clear in this one. I’m a true believer in Jonathan Taylor, though. And I would rather see something cool (300 yard rushing game, 9 TDs, et al.) than worry about who is going to win this game and by how much.

UMass at Rutgers                                                    7:15pm              BTN

This game has no business being fully FBS level. Neither of these programs have any reason to be at the FBS level. Rutgers is just barely the oldest program in all of college football and they have about 6 decent seasons in their entire history.

Utah State at Wake Forest                                       8:00pm            ACCN

If you love big time Mountain West QB prospects with huge flaws in their game, this is the site for you. The only thing I fixate on more than Mountain West NFL prospects is the movie Cats. Seems the talent level between these two teams is basically a push and Wake Forest is only favored by virtue of playing at home. Can Jordan Love handle the famously crazy atmosphere of whatever arena Wake Forest plays football in? I assume it’s basketball gym that looks like the movie Hoosiers but the stands are completely empty.

Purdue at Nevada                                                     9:30pm           CBSSN

Purdue is favored by 11 but this game is on CBS Sports and it’s being played in Reno. Put your cash to work with the Wolfpack. Colin Kaepernick is better than Drew Brees, always has been and always will be.

Colorado State vs. Colorado (in Denver, CO)        10:00pm           ESPN

A tradition like no other - Colorado and Colorado State opening the season with their rivalry game instead of playing in November like decent football teams do. Things are back to normal now after the very brief rise and collapse of Mike MacIntyre. I still think Steven Montez and Laviska Shenault should be pretty good players but I’ve been wrong before. Mel Tucker actually seems like a pretty similar coach to MacIntyre to me but maybe he’s got some better assistants.

Oklahoma State at Oregon State                             10:30pm            FS1

Close the work week down with the great O State rivalry. I can’t think of another O State school that would be better than these two. RTARLsman hopefuls star at running back for both teams, with Chuba Hubbard one letter away from being the clear favorite to win the award. Jermar Jefferson didn’t get a lot of national press last year but he was super productive as a freshman for the Beavers. I’m intrigued by the watch ‘em potential of this game but, alas, I’m a sellout and have plans for a Friday night like a fucking normie. I’m super sorry.