#rottenxleaves

[ofmsfortune]

@rottenxleaves sent → "Wow, that dress is really something else. You look stunning." He put the book on the table and stood up from the couch, slowly approaching Freya with an almost goofy smile. "Everything is going to go great tonight, so don't worry." He said, before closing the distance and giving her a tender kiss on her beautiful red lips. "I know you like to have at least one escape plan if things go wrong, but I'm sure you're not going to need one tonight. Just be yourself and have fun."

there was a little more sway in her step as she stepped out into the living room, her purse clutched under one arm as she checked, for the possibly tenth time, whether her earrings were truly secure. she had never had the tendency to . . . peacock as much as others did, to show off in an almost obnoxious manner, but freya was . . . somewhat vain, occasionally. if someone were to make a list of her numerous character flaws, it likely would be but an afterthought, but she was acutely aware of it.

there was no reason to call dylan a flatterer or feign modesty as the dress had been tailored to fit her like a glove; freya might resent a large part of the lessons she had been taught when she had been younger, but she had not forgotten how important it was to dress for the occasion, whatever it might be. it meant tailored dresses for formal gatherings and cosy sweaters when she was alone in her study, balancing her various accounts until she was content with what she was looking at. ah, various ancestors and at least one contemporary would be shocked to learn that her current business was not actually making her any money, but then --- the restaurant was her hobby, a way to pass the time until she figured out what she would do with her time. 

she pushed these boring thoughts aside and smiled broadly as she curtsied slightly, before rising to full height and twirling twice, her skirt billowing ever so slightly around her ankles. ‘‘ thank you, darling --- i was contemplating that it might be a little . . . too much, for the occasion, ’’ she mused, tugging on her sleeve, then on her bracelet. nervousness was a rare companion of hers; few would be able to do what she had done in the past without learning how to keep emotions in check. still, if there were situations where even she was pushed to her limits, and a dinner party hosted by his sister had all the makings of one. 

she did not hate auburn, but this did not mean that she was particularly excited about the dinner party. over the years, she had attended enough that had turned out disastrous, and she did not think it was particularly presumptuous to worry the same might go for this one, especially given the guest list --- which was kept secret which could mean that realistically, anyone could be there . . .  or better said: anyone immortal.

freya shuddered ever so slightly as she tugged on dylan’s tie --- it did sit as well as one should expect, given how much time he would have had to practice, but she was the sort who had to keep her hands busy whenever she was mildly anxious, as she was now. ‘‘ an exit strategy shouldn’t be necessary, ’’ she responded slowly, her smile sharpening into a a grin. ‘‘ and i do promise that i will be on my very best behaviour. ’’

coming from her, this could mean almost anything, something both of them were aware of. it could mean that she would not instigate any discussions. it could mean that she would be perfectly polite to everyone, even to those who were not responding in kind --- after all, she was a relict from a very different time and place. as was he. as was anyone who shared their condition. or it could mean that she would not set anyone up to say more than they intended to. just now, even she did not yet know what it would be. actually, it might depend on the guest list.

adjusting her necklace and batting away the sliver of questioning if she had picked the right one, her grin dimmed somewhat. it was silly, to worry about insignificant things like this, but if there was a setting she had not yet learnt to navigate properly  ( and this included to figure out what to wear ),  it would be dylan’s family. thus, she was somewhat grateful that the hand-written invitation she had received had included a dress code. ‘‘ you look very handsome, darling. ’’ she exhaled softly, her thumb tapping against his lips as she winked. ‘‘ shall we leave then? and give auburn the opportunity to sigh at you and suggest extensive vacations? ’’

faintly, very faintly, this always reminded her of how asce had never stopped telling basil to slow down, how her oldest brother had gotten their sister-in-law in on it and how, together, they had harassed basil for years, how --- among asce’s descendants --- it had been hailed as a grand accomplishment that asce had actually managed to send basil and alexandra off for a month in paris. asce, she supposed, would have adored dylan’s sister . . . and together, they would have been quite terrible. it was a thought that could have been sad, but it only made her smirk.

[hiemaliis]

@rottenxleaves​ sent: Dylan took a cautious sip from the small porcelain cup. "Do you like the flavor? I thought it was nice. Unusual... but in a good way." He leaned back, watching her calmly. "Why don't you stay for a while? This place always feels way more lively when you're here. It wouldn't bother me and Margaret likes you too." He paused. "To be honest, I would also like you to review some of my current research. It's important to me and you're one of the very few people I can trust with this."

her teacup met the saucer clattering and she almost grimaced. almost. ‘‘ dylan, dearest dylan, ’’ beatrice started, resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose. she had wondered how long they would be able to avoid this conversation, and she had, in fact, underestimated their tenacity. but here they were, unable to longer avoid the inevitable. the elephant in the room was called freya, and really --- what else there was to say?

beatrice did not like the woman very much --- and this resentment went both ways --- whereas dylan . . . well, the less she thought about this, the better. she usually liked dylan better than his sister, but in this particular case, she had to wonder how stupid someone as brilliant as dylan could possibly be. it seemed so very reckless to beatrice to pursue a romantic relationship with someone who had such bad blood with the own sister.

( and, as far as she was concerned, freya was not so beautiful that she could have excused this lapse of judgement. )

‘‘ i love the tea --- its flavour is indeed unusual and i drink a lot of tea, ’’ she went on as she stirred sugar and then even more sugar into her tea. ‘‘ and you are one of my favourite people so i would love to spend some time with you . . . but --- your girlfriend. ’’

she lowered her spoon and sighed. there was a lot she could say about freya, few of it would be nice. and while neither parent had ever told her to say nothing when she could not say anything nice, she bit her lip. the last thing she wanted was to fight with dylan about who he chose to date. however, the second last thing she wanted was a meeting with freya. 

historically, it did not tend to go well; there was a lot of old anger on both sides as well as a tendency to push buttons that should be left alone. there was no honest version of the story that would paint her as less guilty than freya was; beatrice knew fully well that she had a knack for making others dislike her.

she sighed. ‘‘ dylan, ’’ she said again as she tapped her fingers against the fragile teacup. ‘‘ i am happy that you are happy --- you are one of my oldest friends, everything else would be weird. and i haven't seen mag in ages so i would stay for her coffee, if nothing else. reading your research and drinking her coffee? that’s what dreams are made of. however, for the sake of both of us . . . please don't make me meet freya. we, ah, we do not get along. at all. ’’

[aegnite]

"We just spend our lives collecting more and more scars and you know I'm not talking about physical injuries on our bodies. Ironically, those heal just fine. But trust me, I won't forget. I will never forget that a good chunk of your scars you owe to me. And I'm sorry for that." ------ sent by @rottenxleaves​

auburn did never spend much time pondering her scars, whether they were on her body or on her soul. they were the price she had to pay for the life she led, there would never be any joy that did not come with a few hidden teeth. but even she  ( uncrowned queen of downplaying things / empress of waving away helping hands )  knew that dylan was not wrong; many of her scars were, one way or another, because of him.

she ran a hand through her hair and shrugged, nimble fingers tugging first on red strands and then on the collar of her shirt. for years, many years, they had gone through life and had never quite acknowledged the elephant in the room. she had not wanted to unwrap the bandages and to admit that some wounds had not healed, and he had never pushed her. it had been easy, the way many things were easy for them: in a dangerous way.

she could acknowledge this, even if it meant to admit that there were things capable of terrifying her and that she was so afraid of losing her brother that she avoided to hold him responsible, even she had come to harm. ( the back of her head remembered well when it had met the couch table / auburn still pretended it had never happened on most days. )  it was easier like this; she could not stand the thought of losing more of her family.

and usually, dylan was not more likely to acknowledge any of what had happened than she was. it was an unspoken rule, she might even say, that they glossed over this, that they instead looked at all that had been great --- and who could blame them? negativity was very popular, certainly, but she had always found it easier to cling to the funny memories --- and there had been many of them in the past two millennia.

‘ ‘ you know that i never blamed you, ’ ’ she said softly, calmly. and it was the truth --- twisted as this was. to blame him would have come too close to testing the strength of their bonds. and then, it was not like he had ever pushed her into the line of fire, like he had ever asked her to take a punch for him. those decisions, she had made because it was easier for her to be hurt than to watch those she loved be hurt.

‘ ‘ maybe i should have, but i don't think it would have made anything better, ’ ’ she continued, her words stumbling from her lips as if she was pushing them out the door faster than they expected her to. usually, she spoke with far more eloquence, and when she could bring herself to bother, auburn was a frightfully good orator; she had not been taught the way her brothers had been, but --- practice made perfect..

and she was her father's daughter, carried his bones / his voice.

levelling a sharp look at her little brother, she sighed. ‘ ‘ do you want me to blame you? do you wish i call you in the middle of the night after a bad dream to yell at you over something that’s been so long ago that i should be over it? ’ ’ she asked as she rested her chin in her palm. even if he asked her, she was not sure if she would be able to. dylan was her brother. thousand years had passed, but he was still the little boy she had been told to keep an eye on. and while she had not always followed instructions, this was one she had been diligent about.

                      ‘ ‘ ---because i am not sure if i am capable of that. ’ ’

[elyridis]

Rules: Don’t reblog, repost.

tagging:  @jadedxsparks, @wisestfool, @plutoridden, @fllamau, @rottenxleaves tagged by:  stole it

( reply as muse talking )

► NAME ➭  eleanor hailwood.

► ARE YOU SINGLE? ➭  no, happily engaged.

► ARE YOU HAPPY? ➭  most days, i am. 

► ARE YOU ANGRY?  ➭  i try not to be, anger gets exhausting after a while.

► ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL MARRIED? ➭  at the time of my father’s death, they still were married and my mother did not remarry.

⚡️ NINE FACTS!

► BIRTH PLACE ➭  one of greece’s small islands.

► HAIR COLOR ➭  copper, i think, would be the most honest answer.

► EYE COLOR ➭   someone more poetic than i has called it ocean blue once.

► BIRTHDAY ➭  18th of may.

► MOOD ➭  peaceful . . . relaxed, even.

► GENDER ➭  female.

► SUMMER OR WINTER ➭  summer! in fact, i do handle heat far better than the cold darkness of winter.

► MORNING OR AFTERNOON ➭  an early morning is the best start into a productive day.

⚡️ EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE!

► ARE YOU IN LOVE? ➭  yes, and it is being returned in kind.

► DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? ➭  immediate attraction, i can agree with. genuine love at first sight? i doubt it.

► WHO ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP? ➭  circumstance did, frankly. 

► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART? ➭  sadly, yes. as much as i hate it, sometimes, things have to end.

► ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITMENTS? ➭  no, i may be a woman of many words, but i am also a woman of my word and i am not afraid to give it.

► HAVE YOU HUGGED SOMEONE WITHIN THE LAST WEEK? ➭  indeed i have! my daughter may not have appreciated it, as it is quite warm, but i did hug her.

► HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SECRET ADMIRER? ➭  over the years, i had more than one. some mustered the courage to express themselves, others did not.

► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN YOUR OWN HEART? ➭  ah, yes. there have been times when my brain willed a decision my heart was not agreeing with.

⚡️SIX CHOICES!

► LOVE OR LUST ➭   call me a romantic --- love.

► LEMONADE OR ICED TEA ➭  oh, i am fond of both! it depends on my mood which i opt for, in fact.

► CATS OR DOGS ➭  i’d like to pass on this question.

► A FEW BEST FRIENDS OR MANY REGULAR FRIENDS ➭  ah, i don’t have the same burden when it comes to making time for my friends that others have. i can --- and have been able to --- maintain friendships quite well.

► WILD NIGHT OUT OR ROMANTIC NIGHT IN ➭  both, though i tend to enjoy the former most in moderation.

► DAY OR NIGHT  ➭  i like both, to be honest.

⚡️ FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS!

► BEEN CAUGHT SNEAKING OUT ➭  cannot say i have been caught.

► FALLEN DOWN/UP THE STAIRS ➭  who hasn’t? some stairs want people to fall.

► WANTED SOMETHING/SOMEONE SO BADLY IT HURT? ➭  ah. yes. of course. it is a price i pay for passion, i suspect.

► WANTED TO DISAPPEAR ➭  i am too old to have ever been comfortable in my own skin.

⚡️FIVE PREFERENCES!

► SMILE OR EYES ➭    smiles. or wait --- eyes. gods, i don’t know. both have their appeal.

► SHORTER OR TALLER ➭  i have no preference, honestly.

► INTELLIGENCE OR ATTRACTION ➭  whoever first thought of this question greatly underestimates how attractive a sliver of keen intellect is to me.

► HOOK-UP OR RELATIONSHIP ➭  there is nothing wrong with the former and i did indulge in the past, but relationships suit me better.

⚡️ FAMILY!

► DO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY GET ALONG ➭   i usually agreed with my parents, i almost always come to an agreement with my brothers, unless dion is planning to do something outrageous, and i do love theresia to pieces.

► WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAVE A “MESSED UP LIFE” ➭  a question for you --- after how many deaths is a life automatically messed-up? in general, however, i don’t think so.

► HAVE YOU EVER RAN AWAY FROM HOME ➭  on occasion, yes.

► HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN KICKED OUT ➭  no! my parents were quite lenient with me, most of the time.

⚡️ FRIENDS!

► DO YOU SECRETLY HATE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS? ➭  that would make me a poor friend and a liar, wouldn’t it?

► DO YOU CONSIDER ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS GOOD FRIENDS? ➭  i do. i trust them a great deal.

► WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU? ➭  i think i have no single person who knows everything, but those dearest to me know me well.

► WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? ➭  i recognise a trap when i’m about to walk into it. passing on this one as well.

[enthusiastiics]

AUTUMN  PREFERENCES.

1.   go  apple  picking  vs.  go  on  a  hay  ride 2.   scary  vs.  sweet 3.   sweaters  vs.  boots 4.   socks  vs.  mittens 5.   bonfires  vs.  football 6.   trick-or-treating  vs. watch  scary  movies 7.   bake  pie  vs.  bake  cookies 8.   rain  vs.  fog 9.   black  cats vs.  owls 10.   ghosts  vs.  wizards 11.   harry  potter  vs. halloween town   12.   go  hiking  vs. sleep  in 13.   cinnamon  vs.  nutmeg 14.   reading  vs.  writing   15.   hot  chocolate vs.  tea     16.   to live  in  a  cabin  in  a  forest  vs.  have  it  be  fall  24 / 7 17.   candy  apples  vs. caramel  apples 18.   blankets  vs.  pillows 19.   roasted  marshmallows  vs. roasted  chestnuts 20.   coffee  vs. apple  cider 21.   red  leaves vs. orange  leaves   22.   braids  vs.  bows 23.   scented  candles  vs.  the  smell  of  fresh  baked  goods 24.   carve  pumpkins vs.  make  pumpkin  pie 25.   pumpkin  spice  lattes  vs. chai  tea  lattes 26.   coats  vs. oversized  sweaters 27.   beanies  vs.  berets 28.   candy  corn  vs.  peanut  butter  cups 29.   jump  in  a  pile  of  leaves  vs.  swing  on  a  tire 30.   corn  maze  vs.  haunted  house 31.   bob  for  apples  vs.  visit  a  pumpkin  patch 32.   whipped  cream vs.  marshmallows  on  hot  chocolate  

TAGGED  BY: @athensborn​ TAGGING:  hey @s-extilis​, hey @rottenxleaves​, hey @m--artii​

[revnaire]

just a fun little character game. fill in the below categories with 3-5 things that your character can be identified by.  REPOST & TAG AWAY !

TAGGED BY: stole it from @rottenxleaves​ & @borealiis​ TAGGING: everyone who wants to do the meme

EMOTIONS / FEELINGS:

001.  defiance

002.  compassion

003.  determination

004.  gluttony

005.  dedication

COLORS:

001.  bordeaux red

002.  forest green

003.  marble white

004.  dawn grey

005.  navy blue

SCENTS:

001.  subtle yet expensive cologne and matching aftershave

002.  newspaper ink

003.  coffee and sugar, often mixed with chocolate

004.  cut grass and lavender

005.  sea salt

OBJECTS:

001.  a stack of current newspapers with an even higher tower of magazines next to it

002.  his motorcycle

003.  white cotton shirts, blue jeans

004.  messy, overflowing bookshelves

005.  knives

BODY LANGUAGE:

001.  crossed arms, raised eyebrows

002.  hands fidgeting with small items (pens, buttons, etc)

003.  wide, open-palmed hand gestures

004.  a light bounce in his step, relaxed and non-threatening stance

005.  hands clasped behind his back, body angled forward

AESTHETICS:

001.  defiant crowds, fists raised into the night sky

002.  destroyed castles by the sea

003.  summer nights with bonfires, guitar music and true friends

004.  sunlight flooding a homely apartment with warmth and gold

005.  a meadow, irises in full bloom

SONGS:

001.  the currents / bastille

002.  all i ask / adele

003.  things we lost in the fire / bastille

004.  king and lionheart / of monsters and men

005.  good grief / bastille

[coeurspire]

8. what is each of your muses otps? notps?

this is a self call out because i’ll shed light on my muse list which has gone out of control ages ago so get ready:

sherry / @lamiafangedotp: sherr.yon / notp: sher.ren / brotp: shenny with @belsimuur / @fideliiotp: silv.ur / notp: ur being anywhere close to her father. also (and i guess i could’ve skipped this part) …. gray and lyon. just no. no. / brotp: * laughs with salad * please let her have friends, i’m  begging  youlibra / @selenitiiotp: libra x pisces junior (look i have my headcanons and i won’t shut up) / notp: libra x any summoner / brotp: libraries & libraquariusaquarius / @sacreceanotp: aqua x scorpio / notp: aqua x any summoner / brotp: aquaries, libraquarius, aqua, pisces senior and capricorn bc, again, i have my hcs and they #matterjura / @rulesearthotp: i ship him with my own oc and i admit it / notp: romantic jura x sherry, i guess. also: jura x most of the cast because he’s in his mid to late thirties and the majority of the female cast isn’t even 25 / brotp: jura and his guild but especially PLATONIC jura and sherryannabelle / @winteresseotp: annaphael / notp: refer to the last hc on her blog and you’ll #know / brotp: anna and her friends (they’ll show up in a drabble i REALLY should finish)auburn / @autumnfatedotp: noburn. noburn. aaaand noburn. / notp: auburn x being an enabler which is sadly v much canon / brotp: aupril, cashburn, dimiburn, joburn, auburn and dylan, auburn and fay … she has lots of friendsfreya / @ofmsfortuneotp: the people who follow her know i ship frayden, but even more than that, i ship freya and happiness in any non-self-destructive form she can get it / notp: the other frayden, lmao aka freya x auburn / brotp: in verses where it’s not as complicated, rosehunter, the other frayden™, freya and dimitri (esp in cousin verses)fay / @hiemaliisotp: i GUESS richfae? but also charfay when it is not a mess. / notp: fay and her bad decisions. girl, stop. / brotp: DAWNHUNTER, charfay, rosehunter when they are not trying to kill each other, winter squad™ and winter squad + 10eleanor / @carnationheartedotp: seleanor / notp: leanry / brotp: isadionor theresia / @enthusiastiicsotp: dimiresia. that hand holding though. also: clausia. it’s a cute ship, even if it can enable unhealthy coping mechanisms / notp: i don’t think i actually  have  a real notp for her? that’s surprising tbh. / brotp: definitely josia. dimiresia when they are living in denial.  maybe  sia and dylan? (could they get along, @rottenxleaves?). sia and rae. 

asks for muns with  many  muses. selectively accepting.

[marvoile]

Animal Familiar Quiz. FALCON

being one of the fastest fliers in the animal kingdom, the falcon uses its wits and precise dives to catch their prey. just like these birds of prey, you are a high-functioning, quick thinker, and always seem to be a step or two ahead of your peers. because of this, you may be greatly annoyed by the ignorance of others. you already have your goals and aspirations for the future set, and nothing gets in the way of that on your watch. a falcon familiar helps their master remain calm and focus, and keeps an eye out for those who may be their enemies. this familiar represents

mental strength

swiftness

intellect

focus

superiority

goals and aspirations

planning

tagged by: stole it from myself tagging: @rottenxleaves​, @triceturned​, @poensoror​, @plutoridden​ 

[ofmsfortune]

"Love is not for me. That's what I've been thinking to myself for most of my life. And back when you left, I was reassured that it was true. But my life could not return to the way it was. Those lingering thoughts, the persistent emotions, as if some kind of all-consuming fire was burning in my head and in my heart. But the ash did not come. And then I realized, that maybe, this time I actually wanted to be wrong all along."

for freya, it had been a flood. all emotions she had ever felt had been water or droughts. love had been a mighty wave that had come and had swept away all she had thought to know. some of the things that had been swallowed by this wave she had been glad to see disappear, other things had terrified her. what once had been a curse — your wretched heart cannot love! — had become something of a blessing in disguise, though she doubted that her mother had ever wanted for her words to stop hurting. still, there had been comfort in the knowledge that she would never trap herself, that she would never love someone.

she had seen love hurt others. she had hurt when her father, when her brothers had died. but — she had thought that with those last connections to the life she had left behind gone, she would never have to hurt again.

she had been wrong. she had been very, very wrong.

‘‘ neither could i return to who i was, before. ’’ she halted, remembering something she had read somewhere, once — if you were still the same person after you loved, you had not loved enough — and almost, she would have shuddered.

change, growth — whatever one might prefer to call it — always came at a price. she had seen the price be paid many, many times. usually, it had been blood, in one shape or another. tears were common, too. rarely smiles. perhaps it made her a coward that she did not relish in chaos, that she preferred structures and other ways to give something overwhelmingly grand form.

for a moment, she did not continue and focused on anything but dylan to sort out her thoughts. there was fliante, strolling into the living-room from the kitchen, throwing her a curious glance before wandering downstairs. then, there were the voices that were carried up from the street below, balancing on the thin line between boisterous joy and mere noise. alas, neither her cat nor an anonymous crowd could draw her mind away from dylan for long. this was a fact she knew well, a fact she had tested many, many times throughout the years.

( not recently, however. )

propping up her chin against her hand, she sighed quietly as she let her gaze linger on him. there were truths that did not require to be said now, not after they had been said before. she did not have to say that years of aloneness  ( it had been neither solitude nor loneliness, had been something she did not have words for )  had made her an ugly thing with too many teeth, with too many jagged edges that demanded payment in blood. some said that hearts were monsters and that this was the reason why ribs formed cages.

and truthfully — she did not think anyone could live as long as she had and not grow sharper teeth with every year. claws could be filed down, could be hidden in silken and velvet gloves, but as soon as the words came spilling forth, the teeth were in plain sight. she had been proud — dangerously proud — of her fangs, of how they could crumble castles as if they were made of cards and dreams. she had deluded herself into believing that she could do something meant that she should do it.

there were thoughts she did not allow herself to think, but it was a fact that she had always known better. after all — had she not looked at frédéric and recognised that he was a lighthouse where she was a will-o’-wisp? she could not claim ignorance; she had acted against better knowledge and this was what she could never wash away.

looking at her fingers, splayed out on her leg, she bent them slowly before tapping gently against her knee. ‘‘ it was as if i had grown something, only to lose it, ’’ she muttered as she lifted her head again, a wry smile tugging on her face. ‘‘ i thought i was all right, without a heart. ’’ 

or at least safe.

although he was likely bar hopping with his friends right now, she could almost hear frédéric groan at her thoughts; unlike her, he was not the type to cling to safety, to prefer a status quo that she controlled over anything she would not have any say in. they had been in disagreement over what was preferable for the last two centuries and she did not think they would come to see eye-to-eye in this one, though she was slightly more inclined to see his point these days.

‘‘ do you regret it? ’’ she asked slowly as she idly tugged on loose thread, the facade of casualness paper thin and a mere formality. she doubted that his regrets — if he had them — outweighed other emotions; otherwise, he would not be sitting in her living-room.still, she could not shake her fascination. matchstick fingers and paper hearts never mixed well, but — here they were. again. ‘‘ do you regret still being on fire? ’’

the audible shudder in her voice was not intended as she drew breath, putting the thoughts that swarmed her mind into words. as so often, she dreaded his answer as much as she anticipated it, balancing on a thin line as she hoped that she would never grow tired of this dance. that she would never grow tired of dylan.

she tucked a strand of hair back, her grin almost shy. ‘‘ i got used to always drowning a little bit in love, ’’ she admitted as she shrugged. what can you do? her body language seemed to ask and it was a question she asked herself, too. she would never have guessed that there might be a time when she would happily welcome something she could never hope to control in her life and yet, here she was. content to keep her head above water instead of trying to change the tide.

[aegnite]

"I don't want to complain too much." Carefully opening the next wine bottle, his eyes seemed lost in thoughts. "Given everything that happened, it could be worse. Between you and me, I mean. It's not easy and it has never been, but it sure as hell is not as complicated as it could be, you know?"

their relationship had not always been difficult and complicated, though it had been more difficult in the past. at the very least, auburn no longer felt like she had to walk on eggshells around dylan. at the very least, some of his guilt had stayed in another century. it was fine by her. she sometimes thought that she tended to forgive him before he had forgiven himself. sometimes, she wondered if she forgave too much, if she forgave too quickly.  when is forgiveness a virtue and when is it betrayal to ourselves?  it was a question asked a long time ago by someone long gone, but auburn did not care for the answer. never had. for all her flaws, she had never been one to hold a grudge.

without really thinking about it, her hand reached for the back of her head, seemingly merely to adjust her ponytail though in truth, this topic made her remember things she did not like to remember.

“ we are human, ” auburn said as she reached for the wine bottle he had just opened, pouring some into her own, not yet empty glass. this might very well be one of the conversations that were easier once the wine had loosened tongues and honesty felt lighter than lies.

the truth was easy, in theory. once upon a time, dylan and her had been similar. doomed to die an early death. never their parents’ favourites. a bit too smart, a bit too curious for anyone’s comfort. they had not belonged to the time they had been born into. maybe for them, immortality had been a blessing rather than a curse: at the very least, they would live in times they would belong to. and because they had been similiar, he had been her favourite sibling. the one she had trusted not to rat her out when she had gotten herself into trouble when they had been children, the one she had killed for when they had been in their hundreds.

born little over a year apart, the age difference now felt like a second at best. for as long as she could remember, dylan had been there. and of course — because he had been there, he had made mistakes, had hurt her. just like she had hurt him, too. no one could live with another in their lives as long as they had and never make a mistake.

beneath their immortality, they were human. hurting others and being hurt was perhaps not the best part of being human, but it was a part of it nonetheless. and they were blessed with the time it took to heal from hurt and to find the right words to apologise. and to learn from their mistakes. whenever she felt like the weight of her immortality was breaking her, she remembered this — they could learn, they could adapt.

the truth, so easy in theory, became complicated in reality. they were very different people beneath all their similarities. at times, these differences caused them to clash, though this had never mattered much to her. this, too, was only human. what did worry her were the secrets they kept, the things they did not talk about. sometimes, she thought, it would be easier to discuss everything, even if it meant to fight. the way they currently handled these things meant that they kept walking in unpleasant surprises.

sometimes, it made her feel like no matter how well she thought she knew her brother, dylan had secrets, secrets that made her occasionally feel like her younger brother was a stranger to her. it was not a feeling she liked, especially since she did not understand his need for secrecy. did he think she would judge him? if so, it would not make much sense. dylan knew, better than many others, about her mistakes — mostly because he had been around for many of them.

did he really fear she would condemn him for his  ( possibly lingering )  affections for someone auburn had a complicated past with? did he not realise that auburn, hardly a saint, hardly an innocent soul, could not care less about where he placed his heart as long as he was happy? many centuries ago, she might have cared. she had been different, then, angrier and frustrated because she had not yet found how to balance the more contradictory aspects of her personality. then, she might have been foolish enough to call it betrayal — but with age, she had grown calmer. she was still not wise, but at least, she had learnt to think before she spoke.

but she would still not ask dylan about what, exactly, the situation between him and freya was. until her brother wanted to tell her, it was none of her business, no matter how much the question burnt on her tongue sometimes.

“ we are human, ” she said, a second time as she watched the wine sway in the glass as she twirled it between her fingers — a vortex of blood red. “ you and i both. we have made mistakes, sure, and we have not always known how to fix them. ”

at least not right away. eventually, they had figured it out, but sometimes, it had been easier to run from them. dylan was not the only one who had sought for something unattainable at the bottom of bottles, in the haze of blissful oblivion. however, auburn was never sure if he knew that sometimes, she had fallen the same way. it was something else they did not really talk about. auburn did not grimace at her own thoughts; it was sometimes better to keep them to herself.

lifting her gaze from the swirl of red and looking at her brother, she raised an eyebrow. “ since we are having a heart-to-heart now … did you ever blame me? ” she asked quietly, her tongue heavy as a mountain in her mouth. it was a question that had occasionally crossed her mind, but they had not spoken like this — with honesty and vulnerability in their hearts — in a while. it had been a century or longer they had sat down like this and then, she had been hurt. she had not been fine and she had not wanted to hear his answer, had feared and dreaded it. and she had known that there would be time, time to ask it another time when she could ask the question and bear to hear the answer.

“ all these years ago, ” she continued, elaborated, “ i dragged you into this. i … i asked you to leave with me. you could have stayed. you did not have to risk the dangers of the road, the complications. i asked you do leave with me when i knew that you might have been happier … there. so,  duilius,  have you ever resented me for it? ”

she had not missed the life they had left behind, would perhaps even have run if she had not been cut down by the man she had been supposed to marry. for her, the promise of freedom, of adventure had been compelling enough to make her yearn for a life without the many rules their parents had forced upon her. but dylan, he was not  that much  like her.

and she had not thought about it when she had decided that she had to go, but if he had only left because she had nearly begged him to go with her, it would make all the hardship he had encountered her fault. because she had been older and should have given the idea that one person’s idea of a better life did not necessarily hold the same appeal for someone else more thoughts.  especially  given her own motivations to leave.

at the time, she had been still very much a child, unable to see the hypocrisy of her actions, but the older she had grown, the more she had started to see that she had not been fair to her brother. but the idea of asking him, it had scared her. she had not wanted to know, in the end, had feared that asking him would mean that he would go away.

[borealiis]

TAGGED BY: stole from @rottenxleaves  TAGGING: everyone

EMOTIONS / FEELINGS:

001.  determination

002.  loneliness

003.  curiosity

004.  pride

005.  gratefulness 

COLORS:

001.  navy blue

002.  sky blue

003.  silver

004.  creamy white

005.  dark green

SCENTS:

001.  cologne that high class teenage boys use

002.  that sweet money smell

003.  frosty air in the january morning

004.  homemade meals 

005.  ancient books 

OBJECTS:

001.  an old roman coin

002.  violin on its stand

003.  a desk that is neatly organized 

004.  sweaters over nicely pressed shirts 

005.  hair gel in his bathroom 

BODY LANGUAGE:

001.  arms crossing, nose in the air

002.  eyes rolling and searching for a confidant to share the feeling with

003. a small, timid smile

004.  startled laughter breaking the ice

005.  tapping his fingers against his knees

AESTHETICS:

001.  snowy mornings in the winter, just as dawn breaks, a new wintry day

002.  a roman coin, still important as it rusts, worth more than its original value

003.  a fencing sword leaning against the wall, right next to a violin in its stand

004.  books all lined up together neatly on the shelf

005.  sweaters over dress shirts, warmth and formality all at once

SONGS:

001.  blinding / florence + the machine

002.  oh no! / MARINA

003.  flaws / bastille

004.  float on / modest mouse

005.  wouldn’t it be nice / the beach boys 

[jadedxsparks]

@rottenxleaves

“I was told that you tend to the grave of Ms Eleanor Hudson. Could you tell me where she lies? I’d like to visit.”

[coeurspire]

what color is your soulmark?

the color you fit most is indigo!

often mistaken for having a purple or blue glow, those who have indigo soulcolors are serious, confident, and strong willed. they know what they want to achieve and set out to do so. they are often introverted and seek balance, setting a strong moral code for themselves and others.

this type admires respect over adoration. they are often social advocates for those who need it and believe peace can only be achieved when everyone is working together, not just a powerful select few. this makes them powerful enemies but a powerful group of close friends, as their charismatic personality to do what’s right attracts people to them.

since they are constantly trying to differentiate themselves from blue and violet soulcolors, indigo soulcolors are often less friendly and nurturing on the outside, but on the inside, they’re tender and supportive. they prefer to keep those who break their outer wall closer than most.

due to their uncompromising sense of justice, the indigo soulcolor often starts arguments that might not need to be started, uprooting things just because they don’t like them or playing “devil’s advocate” when unnecessary. despite telling others to get over it, they rarely ever do so and hold grudges for a long period of time.

tagged by : @venomoustigress, thank you~

tagging :  @jadedxsparks, @belsimu, @rottenxleaves, everyone else~~

[elyridis]

a revelation in the light of day

   leah came to with a start. 

   around her, everything was cold and bright, making her feel utterly exposed before she realised that most of her clothes were missing. this was the smallest problem, however, because not only had she been a surgeon in what had been another life but also seemed the absence of clothes entirely unimportant in comparison to the raging headache --- and the way her bones felt far older than ever before.

   the headache made sense, too, she guessed a moment later as memories that should feel wrong and false flooded through her head and felt right, like they had belonged there. they still made her feel nauseous.  and inside of her, something was shaking. it was as if something ancient and tragic had been roused by the accident --- and as more memories made her tremble, she realised that this was the truth because she had forgotten so much pain. 

      monster.   monster.   monster.   monster.

   gasping for her, a bloodcurdling SCREAM escaped her, a scream of pain, yes, but also one for help because she did not know where she was.

[ofmsfortune]

"For a long time, I thought myself invincible to everything the world outside of my own mind had to offer. Then I met you and realized, that even after existing for more than two millennia and culminating more knowledge than anyone else, there are still some inscrutable things in this world which I am utterly powerless against."

it was not often that dylan reminded her that he was not just older than her but, in fact, much older. it had not been long ago that she had turned completed her seventh century on this planet, she could even still remember how she had celebrated her birthday. she did not think that he could say the same. most of the time, she did not pay their age different much heed, but there were times when she could not shrug it off. it had been a long time ago that she had decided that it would be smarter not to spend much time pondering what he might have been up to by the time she had been born — it would only lead to weird thoughts. 

still, occasionally, the thought that she had rattled him as much as he had rattled her made her smile. she did not think that she had been a very happy person; she had been in control of everything, but she had existed in a frozen state. cast out of the fairy tale that her life should have been, she had set out to never be bested by an evil queen ever again. but to avoid this, she had had to become the villain. it had seemed like such a small price to pay, but nothing was ever as it seemed. she would have done well to remember that.

never would she liken dylan to a knight in shining armour. if she had to pick, she would say that he had been a wizard that had cast the spell that had changed everything, someone sappier than her might call the spell love, but she was not that much of a romantic. at the core, it was certainly the truth, but it meant that basil had been right with his romantic blabbering and this, well, this was such an annoying thing.

‘‘ i never really bought into the old, old adage that love is a miraculous, powerful thing, ’’ she muttered as she leaned against his side, nestling her head between his shoulder and chin as she idly toyed with his hand. ‘‘ it appears that i was wrong. it really is strange, isn’t it? after all that has happened, it’s still you and me. fate has a strange sense of humour. ’’

she had been … arrogant. arrogant enough to think that there was no one in the world who could snatch her heart out of her grasp. she had thought that she was cold enough, that she was above such sentimentalities. in retrospective, this folly was almost hilarious to her, but she did recall the bitter heartache she had brought upon herself with her cowardice. she might be glad to have been wrong now, but there had been times when she would have carved out her own heart if that would cure her of all the pain her own stupidity had wrought.

sometimes, the — domesticness she currently basked in was strange to her. it was something she did not expect herself to ever want — she had been always chasing after something for most her life — but there she was. neither of them were good people; she was still ruthless and selfish, uncompromising in some of the worst ways, but it did not change that she was capable of love. it had come as a surprise, she had thought herself to be too destroyed … and yet, here she was. in love. happy. it had to be a tiny miracle.

letting her hand wander away from his and towards his jaw instead, she let out a sigh. ‘‘ just look what you did to me, ’’ she complained with a pout before she moved in to steal a quick kiss. ‘‘ i am being — sappy. next i know, i’ll be as bad as frédéric. or worse: your sister. ’’

[ofmsfortune]

"I had always thought I knew everything about myself. The capacities of my mind, the shape of my feelings, the depths of my desires. I've had more than enough time to get to know myself. Then I met you and I realized I knew nothing."

under different —  very   different — circumstances, freya might have found joy in the thought of having turned someone else’s world upside down, in the idea of having made someone realise they did not have everything figured out after all. but this … she sighed and slowly shook her head. then, she sighed again. dylan was not the only one who had learnt things about himself, then. she had learnt things about herself as well, things she had not been able to reconcile with the concept she had had of herself, before. she had not thought herself capable of feeling  like this  for anyone. she had not thought that she could ever value someone, anyone more than her schemes.

she had not been accustomed to wanting, either. more than six centuries into her life and she had been able to count the things she had ever wanted on one hand. one. for the pain to stop. two. for nothing to ever hurt her again. she had gotten both, had she not? who had been able to hurt her, to really hurt her after she had no longer been around her mother? no one. because she had not allowed it. then, there had been other things. none that had mattered as much as the first two — wealth, for one, because money offered freedom. pretty things because throughout her life, she had been accustomed to a certain luxury. giving it up had never been something she had regretted  ( much )  — the payoff had been too great to ignore.

but dylan? with herself, at the very least, she could be honest; she had wanted him. not just because he had been a crucial part of the project, but also because … he had been special. different. she had not even looked at him and seen a challenge, a game. she had not seen the ultimate test of her abilities, the answer to the question if she could  truly  get everyone to dance to her tune. this was a question that had not needed answering; freya had been led by other sins than pride. even at the beginning, she had looked at him and not quite known what she was seeing. a solution, maybe. this had been what she had been  supposed  to see. maybe a new question, wrapped in the answer of an old problem. maybe the first  ( and last )  love she would ever have.

it had mot been like the love stories her sisters-in-law had favoured always had suggested: it had been different. and this had been fine — freya did not think that she had ever been made for a love, gentle as a summer breeze. this was the kind of romance others should have, like mathilde  ( sweet, gentle mathilde )  who had looked at asce like he was the sun itself. freya could not remember ever having looked at dylan like he was the sun.

( the answer was likely that she never had; there was little about dylan that would make comparing him to the sun a logical and obvious thing to do. )

“ i know how you feel, ” she finally said, her eyes finally leaving the spot between his ear and his shoulder and looking at him instead. there were times when  not  really looking at someone made things easier, but this had never been one of those conversations. few conversations with dylan could be treated like ordinary chats; he had never been ordinary. had he been, she would never have trapped herself in this, a situation that could not be won.

it would be naive to hope that everything that had happened had just been a  bad,  no, terrible first chapter to their story. freya could fool many people and sometimes even herself, but — even she could not make herself think that the last eighty years had been just one chapter. no, the first chapter had been her deceit and the third chapter had been her betrayal. the only consolation this view offered was that they were still far, far away from a possible epilogue.

folding her hands in her lap, she sighed. again. “ i remember meeting you, ” she continued. “ finding you … it was a bit of a challenge, though i knew what i had to look for: the same gaps in the resumee all of us have. i just … i didn’t think that anyone ever could mean … that much to me. ”

had she known, she would have run. everyone made love sound like something great, like something wonderful and they all ignored that love was terrifying, too. and love was a slow poison, too. it did not kill at first, it slowly wove webs around one’s heart and by the time they were visible, it was already too late. it was something that neither songs nor stories had ever warned her about. for all her skill and experience, she had walked into her own heart’s trap like a fool.

( as a general rule, freya did not like to play the fool. )

“ you are too smart … and i guess you know me too well by now to think that i never played that game before, ” she said quietly,  defying  the urge to look away. honesty was still an unfamiliar trait, but she had known that promising him no further lies would not be easy; she only hoped that it would be worth it in the end. “ and i don’t think your ego is … desperate enough to make a compliment out of the fact that i never actually … felt anything before. ”

this was no empty flattery. it was as she said — dylan, someone who had been fooled by her and had lived to learn from this mistake, knew her too well to fall for these tricks. and catching flies with honey was not even a particularly advanced scheme in her book. but it was the truth: by now, he knew her.

she did not think she had done him a service when her actions had led him to realise how little he knew about himself. dylan was not like his sister; auburn might have been thrilled by the prospect of learning more about herself, of being thrown back to square one. but this was because auburn was a better person than she thought herself to be. whatever veil freya could have torn away from the redhead, she would not have been hurt by it. maybe, she would even have found the peace she craved. dylan … dylan was a different story.

“ i’m sorry for doing this to you. ” freya nearly whispered her words. she was not sure what else to say, what else to apologise for. had it hurt him? having to realise that he had not known himself as well as he had thought? realising the same thing about herself had not hurt her, it had just … changed her. she was no longer the same she had been when they had first met. she had come to find out things about herself, too, and some of these things still frightened her. she could still not reconcile all of this with who she thought she was, but … she had made progress. progress that had been forced upon her when she had no longer been able to run, but it was progress still.

twirling her hair around her finger, she shrugged weakly. “ i can offer you phrases, ” she added, more an afterthought than something she truly felt. “ how no one ever knows themselves as well as they think they do. but … that applies to mortals. their time doesn’t allow them to get to know themselves. so … i don’t know. you weren’t the only one who had to realise how much more was hidden within the own soul? because i don’t know what else to say. ”