#VERSE // MAIN: ARC III ❛ THE MAGIC OF DISAPPEARANCE ACTS LIES IN COMING BACK

[hiemaliis]

[txt]  kids /do not/ say this [txt]  because kids don’t worry about detox [txt]  /shouldn’t/ worry about it to be honest [txt]  people in their twenties and thirties do. [txt]  also: people in their 700s [txt]  give me your new address, i have updates [txt]  the face-to-face sort

@s-extilis, continued from x

[hiemaliis]

‘ ‘ so, i was thinking, ’ ’ beatrice started and was suddenly very happy that unlike auburn, asphodel was not immediately overcome with an urge to find out just what it was she was up to now. ‘ ‘ we should get a pet. felix has atticus and i think auburn is thinking about getting a dog --- and i’m feeling domestic myself so--- a pet. any thoughts? ’ ’

@youngforevr​!!

[hiemaliis]

@kagomiko​ ​ sent →    🍪  [  for  our  muses  to  bake  christmas  cookies  together  ]

the christmas cookie ordeal as beatrice had taken to call it in her head started with her grandmother dropping off a gigantic basket of decorative ingredients she had ‘just had lying around’ and that had taken beatrice half an hour to sort through, a task she had barely finished by the time kagome, the relatively new exchange student, had arrived. there was little beatrice knew about the other --- she had been a little preoccupied with a lot of other things as of late --- but she was too old not to know the basics about hospitality. thus, once she had ushered kagome into her home and had taken her coat, she had offered her slippers  ( fluffy, fluffy cat-themed things that had been a joke gift from del )  and a cup of tea.

now, they were in the kitchen, sitting at the little table there with two recipe books between them --- as well as a stack of recipes they had printed out. ‘‘ i don’t really like sweets, ’’ she said as she swiped through her tablet, ‘‘ so if you know any recipe that is not as sweet, i would be grateful. but for the most part, we can bake anything you are interested in . . . most of these recipes are european, but we can always find american ones. ’’

making a vague gesture towards the basket cecilia had brought over, she fondly rolled her eyes. the stubbornness with which the other cared about her, the way she did never quite take no for an answer was occasionally frustrating, but it could also be very endearing. beatrice sighed as she pointed towards the many bags of flour she had already stacked up on the kitchen counter. ‘‘ my grandmother seems to expect us to bake for an entire country . . . and if this should not be enough, i know where we can get more, ’’ she finished.

[hiemaliis]

you have no idea how much i hate myself rn but: tag drop!!

[hiemaliis]

@athensborn​  sent  →   “ I  am  so  very  proud  of  you. ”

she did not always know what to say, much less do when someone was proud of her. a cynical part of her was quick to blame her mother and the lack of praise she had had to offer, but beatrice was tired in a strange way, these days. probably because it was summer and it was too hot for her to do much more than sulk in the shadows and only appear when someone asked for her presence, like some sort of grumpy demon.

it was with no small amount of awkwardness that she reached out for dion’s arm and squeezed it twice, her gaze stubbornly not meeting his eyes. once, she might have argued that due to her age, her true age, some of her accomplishments had long become meaningless; she was bound to get good grades, mostly because she had taken classes in the same subjects for a very long time now. but if this century, young as it was, had taught her anything, it was not to underestimate the effort she put into school.

( her powerpoint presentations alone were proof enough for that. )

‘ ‘ thanks, ’ ’ she mumbled as she reached for her water glass. ‘ ‘ it means a lot. ’ ’

[hiemaliis]

"Bea, I am emotional over a video game that came out in 1997." Roxy said in lieu of a greeting. She just finished Final Fantasy VII and completed all side quests and all super bosses. Between work, spending time with friends, it took her quite a while but she did it. "Did I beat the game or did the game beat me?" ------ sent by @youngforevr​

slipping out of her shoes and leaving them beneath the couch table, beatrice nodded slowly. there was no expiration date on certain works --- it did not matter when they had been created, they would always be a punch straight to the gut. auburn would always cry over some books, no matter how many times she had read them. and really, beatrice understood; she was not the type to cry easily  ( it made her feel small and childish ),  but she did feel very emotional during certain songs.

‘‘ i'll say to you what dion says whenever he takes me to a modern adaptation of a greek play --- good stories are eternal, so it’s perfectly understandable to feel like the game beat you, i guess, ’’ she said as she stretched out on the couch, wincing a little as her legs remembered that they were sore from the dance class she had had two hours ago. tomorrow, she would feel nothing, but today, she did.

she had never really gotten into video games --- when she had last had the time to immerse herself in this form of entertainment, her hands had been in a sorry state, and everyone knew how much it frustrated to be bad at something, especially at something that was meant to be fun.

sitting up and wrapping her arms around her left leg, she raised an eyebrow at roxanna. ‘‘ before i forget and you disappear into another game-shaped wormhole --- felix texted me that theresia did tell him to ask us whether or not we'd like to go ice skating with her this weekend. afterwards, she suggested we could stroll over the christmas market and get something to eat, ’’ beatrice said, trying very hard to sound casual despite the way her other leg bounced on the couch and the light redness in her cheeks that was not the result of the cold outside.

[hiemaliis]

‘‘ young man, ’’ beatrice started, uncaring that as far as optics were concerned, he was older than her. perhaps, she had spent too much time with cecilia who could say this unironically. ‘‘ poking a hole into the subway plan will not gift you with sudden enlightenment. you’ll only hurt your finger if you keep that up. ’’

@amourias liked for a starter and i picked sting!!

[hiemaliis]

@rottenxleaves​ sent: Dylan took a cautious sip from the small porcelain cup. "Do you like the flavor? I thought it was nice. Unusual... but in a good way." He leaned back, watching her calmly. "Why don't you stay for a while? This place always feels way more lively when you're here. It wouldn't bother me and Margaret likes you too." He paused. "To be honest, I would also like you to review some of my current research. It's important to me and you're one of the very few people I can trust with this."

her teacup met the saucer clattering and she almost grimaced. almost. ‘‘ dylan, dearest dylan, ’’ beatrice started, resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose. she had wondered how long they would be able to avoid this conversation, and she had, in fact, underestimated their tenacity. but here they were, unable to longer avoid the inevitable. the elephant in the room was called freya, and really --- what else there was to say?

beatrice did not like the woman very much --- and this resentment went both ways --- whereas dylan . . . well, the less she thought about this, the better. she usually liked dylan better than his sister, but in this particular case, she had to wonder how stupid someone as brilliant as dylan could possibly be. it seemed so very reckless to beatrice to pursue a romantic relationship with someone who had such bad blood with the own sister.

( and, as far as she was concerned, freya was not so beautiful that she could have excused this lapse of judgement. )

‘‘ i love the tea --- its flavour is indeed unusual and i drink a lot of tea, ’’ she went on as she stirred sugar and then even more sugar into her tea. ‘‘ and you are one of my favourite people so i would love to spend some time with you . . . but --- your girlfriend. ’’

she lowered her spoon and sighed. there was a lot she could say about freya, few of it would be nice. and while neither parent had ever told her to say nothing when she could not say anything nice, she bit her lip. the last thing she wanted was to fight with dylan about who he chose to date. however, the second last thing she wanted was a meeting with freya. 

historically, it did not tend to go well; there was a lot of old anger on both sides as well as a tendency to push buttons that should be left alone. there was no honest version of the story that would paint her as less guilty than freya was; beatrice knew fully well that she had a knack for making others dislike her.

she sighed. ‘‘ dylan, ’’ she said again as she tapped her fingers against the fragile teacup. ‘‘ i am happy that you are happy --- you are one of my oldest friends, everything else would be weird. and i haven't seen mag in ages so i would stay for her coffee, if nothing else. reading your research and drinking her coffee? that’s what dreams are made of. however, for the sake of both of us . . . please don't make me meet freya. we, ah, we do not get along. at all. ’’

[hiemaliis]

@armectio​

she had not seen noel without auburn in a while; since they had gotten married, it almost seemed like they only came as a package deal. she could not begrudge them this, they deserved the happiness and they had been through too much for her not to feel happy for them. at the same time, she was glad to talk to noel without auburn being around.

‘‘ ---you know, ’’ she began as she folded her hands neatly in her lap, looking at the large pond in front of them, ‘‘ i missed our walks. ’’

walking and talking with noel had always been something that had helped her sort out her thoughts. this time, she was not as confused as she had been in the past, but she still needed someone to help her put things into words --- and noel was a writer.

[hiemaliis]

@youngforevr​ sent:

roxy was relaxed against the couch, though her mind was working very fast. she looked at her companion, beatrice and leaned against her as much as the other did. it was mutual leaning. okay, it was basically cuddling under blankets but roxy felt safe and warm and that was what she cared about. also, she had a somewhat new life update. "i told you about fred, right? well...he came to me with an offer. it involves going back to school, but i would be his ta for a political science class."

frédéric corbin. it was a name beatrice wished she had heard for the first time coming from roxanna because then maybe, she would not feel so confused about it all. as it stood --- the first one to mention him to her had been dylan. and it was not like she was fighting with dylan. they had known each other for too long to let differing opinions get between them. he might like freya, perhaps even loved her, but --- this did not mean that beatrice had to like her too, that she had to forget that between them, things had historically been both bloody and . . . difficult.

she still wished that her thoughts did not automatically swirl around freya whenever someone mentioned her cousin. she would hate to be judged by the company she kept, and she did not want to be a hypocrite by deciding someone she had never met had to be horrible just because she did not get along well with his relative.

and really, this frédéric was really gathering points with beatrice, was he not? that roxanna was working for freya had made her uneasy for months now, anything would be better than this. and even if dylan and her were disagreeing about freya, there was no reason why dylan would lie to her about his girlfriend's cousin. what little he had said matched what roxanna had said so maybe, maybe this was one of the times in life when things matched up perfectly and there was no hidden catch.

‘‘ felix and i are graduating this year, ’’ she started quietly, her fingernails digging into the blanket. it was rare for her that the thought of graduation made her feel anxious, but after all that had changed in these past few months, she was not sure what she wanted to do next. ‘‘ so everything's gonna change. and i think --- you should go for it. he sounds . . . nice, and --- it's probably going to be an experience that will let you grow. ’’

[hiemaliis]

🎄

truthfully,  beatrice was fairly convinced that she could be doing this in half the time if she only were allowed to rely on her more acrobatic skills,  but --- cecilia was not auburn and thus,  she had not even made the suggestion.  it was nice like this as well  ---  cecilia did not seem to share noel’s . . . tolerance for the song last christmas and thus,  the music that was playing was not designed to grate on beatrice’s ever suffering last remaining nerves.

‘ ‘ i do like your collection of ornaments, ’ ’  she said as she picked another one from the box,  briefly holding it up to inspect it.  it was a gorgeous light blue bauble with a stag painted on it in silver,  quite appealing to beatrice’s aesthetic sense.  looking at all these ornaments,  cecilia would probably get along well with noel,  she decided,  but only if she could set aside her . . .  grievances with auburn  ---  no matter how much noel loved christmas,  beatrice knew that he loved his wife more.  as he should!

she twirled around to look back at the tree  ---  a beautiful,  downright impressive tree  ---  to search it for a good spot to add the ornament she was holding.  ‘ ‘ and i like the colour scheme,  too, ’ ’  she added with the smallest trace of smugness.  she had not yet been at noel’s place,  but she was expecting jewel tones,  this year,  rich hues of sapphire and ruby  ---  it only made sense whenever she glanced at his family.

🎄:  our muses decorate the christmas tree together  *  HOLIDAY ASK MEME.

[hiemaliis]

"We all move forward anyway. Ripples in all directions."

draped over auburn and noel’s chaiselongue, a headache trying to smash her skull into pieces, beatrice was not in the mood.  not in the mood for the hosts gazing deep into each others eyes as if they had never seen each other before.  not even in the mood for dylan talking about the new books he had bought himself for saturnalia.  definitely not in the mood for april’s philosophic output. hell, she had been barely in the mood for felix showing her atticus’ new little house and she adored atticus and …  might be kind of, sort of in love with felix.

still — she had said she would behave, and even if she had said this before her head had declared war on the rest of her body, she would keep her word.  pulling her shawl tighter around her frame and willing the goddamn painkiller she had nicked from auburn’s personal stash to please work, she turned her head to at least look at april.  she should be getting awards for not having left an hour ago and even more for grinning and bearing her headache in silence.

gingerly, she rested her blissfully cold fingers against her forehead and exhaled.  for the first time in a very long time, having low blood pressure was helpful, and she was going to take advantage of this, especially since it did not even draw a lot attention to her.  ‘ ‘ true — and thankfully so, imagine we’d all be stuck in the same place. the absence of progress, of growth would be quite dull, ’ ’  she said sagely as her eyes scanned the room, seeking for either someone she could have a non-conversation with or someone she could redirect april towards.  alas, unless she wanted to send her into the direction of isaac and dion  ( which seemed like a moderately unwise choice ),  there were no options.  reaching for her water glass, beatrice sighed. ‘ ‘ tell me, april, ’ ’ she continued before taking a few sips, ‘ ‘ are there any big commissions you are working on, currently? because i was thinking about commissioning something at some point … and i wanted to wait until what i presume to be the holiday rush has … passed. ’ ’

[hiemaliis]

[txt]  quite dapper indeed. [txt]  here is evidence that i told him [the next text shows a video, on it felix's voice says 'beatrice wants you to know that she loves you, atticus'. atticus scurried on the blankets, his top hat going side to side] ------  @borealiis​

[txt]  where is the stupid heart emoji when i need it?? [txt]  ah, here we go 💓 [txt]  i feel blessed!

[hiemaliis]

@borealiis​ sent → [txt] look at him. i would kill and die for him.                                 [txt] [an image of atticus wearing a small top hat on felix's bed]

[txt]  such a dapper little lizard! [txt]  does atticus know i love him? [txt]  i think i told him when i was over for dinner, but please tell him again

[hiemaliis]

@borealiis​ sent: they had a long history and therefore, gift giving could be hard. he struggled to find something he could get bea that would accurately fit what he meant to convey. the hardest part was this: both of them had a lot of money at their own disposal. buying something that was heartfelt grew more difficult over the years.

however—

the gift she got him had meaning to it. it was a callback and a fresh start all in one. when he first listened to the music in his room (done while doing homework, a perfect background for him) the idea came to him in the middle of his physics honors homework.

but now that it was Time. he felt nervous. still, he approached his….he approached beatrice and offered what he hoped was just a small smile. he did not want to betray his anxiety. “happy birthday, bea.“ 

he presented her a perfectly wrapped gift. on the inside was a clear frame and inside of it, a very special denarius coin. he remembered the words his father used and recycled them a bit for her benefit. though, he will admit: it was genuine. as genuine as felix could ever hope to be. "i hope this year brings you luck.”

each year, beatrice was still somewhat affected by the christmas celebrations when her birthday came around, and each year, she surprised herself with how little she minded this — she could easily trick herself into thinking that her birthday was only another reminder of how many years had passed, of how much she had loved and lost, but once her birthday did take place, she was reminded of how rich her life truly was, of how fortunate she had been, despite everything.

she was happy that felix had accompanied her back home after school and behind them, her housekeeper was busying herself in the kitchen, preparing tea and sandwiches for them before leaving.  ( beatrice had told her many times that it was not part of her job, but her words kept falling on deaf ears. )  she did not doubt that they both would find their favourites on the plate; lauren had the uncanny ability to just know what people liked. 

‘‘ i’m glad that we have enough time for homework before the guests arrive, ’’ she said as she set her bag down, only to raise an eyebrow at him when she saw that he was offering her a gift. all her life, she had always thought that there were two kind of people in the world — people who liked gifts and liars. and she had been telling more than enough lies all her life, thus avoiding this particular one. ‘‘ —all right, ’’ she sighed dramatically as she flipped her braid over her shoulder and accepted the present, ‘‘ i’ll open this, we will have tea and sandwiches … and then we’ll go upstairs to the music room and i’ll show you what i’m currently working on. ’’

she carefully peeled the paper apart and was taken aback when her eyes came to rest on the present. for a few, quiet moments, she regarded the coin carefully. she was familiar with roman coins — how could she not be? she had used them to pay for many years — and she resented that she had to thank a history class for her ability to place this coin into her early youth. into a time before bandits torched down her life. into a time before she had almost choked on a similar coin.

running a finger along the frame, she exhaled softly. this, she felt in her heart, had sentimental value. she might not know how this value had come to be, not no one held on to a coin for so many years if it did not have value that transcended its monetary worth.

she reached for felix’ arm and tugged him gently into a hug. some things were difficult to put into words, and this was one of them. ‘‘ thank you, ’’ she said quietly. ‘‘ i hope it will be a good year for you as well, felix. ’’

[hiemaliis]

@borealiis​ sent:

🌿 ( =  send  🌿  for  our  muses  to  be  caught  under  mistletoe . )

beatrice was fairly convinced that she had noel to thank for --- he was the one who tended to go overboard with christmas decorations, auburn was more of a faithful enabler of his . . . obsession. of course she was, they were married and although beatrice was hardly an expert, even she knew that mutual support was crucial for a successful marriage. she just wished auburn had opted out of supporting --- this.

to be fair --- beatrice should have expected it. it was the annual christmas party and if she were to look around, she would probably have a hard time to not find all sorts of christmas customs that noel was fond of. in the past, she had never cared much about the hazardous plants auburn and noel liked so much. then, in the past, she had never managed to end up in a doorway featuring a mistletoe as the same time as felix.

a year ago, she probably would have had herself convinced that she did not care about this at all, but this year . . . this year, everything was different because this year, she was different. she had changed  ( for the better, for the better )  and this meant that she did not react to things the way she once would have.

‘‘ um, ’’ she said as she looked down at her shoes, her usual eloquence out of reach. ‘‘ it appears that we are caught in the mistletoe trap. ’’

a trap that had probably never been intended for them, but this did not mean much right now. she knew --- she could get out of this. auburn and noel could be the worst, occasionally, but they never let something they had intended to be fun turn into someone else's embarrassment or cause another discomfort. which meant that the mistletoe was nothing but a suggestion and it was beatrice who had to make a decision.

and it was not like she had never kissed felix before. they had been close before, a long time ago, and she really did not think she had the time to overthink now. especially when there was such an easy, easy truth that was just in reach --- she would not mind to kiss felix again, would not mind it at all.

having feelings for someone else was sometimes really exhausting. and it was stressful to like someone and not know if her feelings were being returned. she wished she could bring herself to be bold enough to just ask him, but she liked where they were right now too much to risk it. instead, she was dropping hints and hoping that he would not only catch on but also be braver than her.

her hand was steady as she reached for his shoulder and for this, she was glad. ‘‘ you know, we don't have to, ’’ she continued calmly as her fingers moved on their own, her thumb idly tapping against his collarbone. ‘‘ but . . . i'd like to. ’’