criminal minds as quotes from my work
Emily: Men are stupid. If you put on a turtleneck and smile at them they will give you money. Make sexual harassment work for you.
-
Garcia and Morgan: *flirting as usual*
Hotch, pointing at a piece of paper: WORKPLACE HARASSMENT POLICY. THE BAU DOES NOT TOLERATE ANY FORM-
-
Reid: Sometimes, when I’m tired, I just take a long blink and tell myself it was a nap.
-
Penelope: A good marketing strategy would be for us to start an OnlyFans.
JJ: This is why you aren’t the media manager.
-
Hotch: Do not bring a fake ID to the staff party. Do not sneak alcohol into the staff party. Do not sneak out to your car to drink alcohol during the staff party. I am telling you this because it has happened before.
-
Reid: My supper for today is six M&M’s. I’ve been waiting all day for this.
Morgan: Why don’t I buy you food or something?
Reid: No thanks, I’m good!
-
The entire team, to the tune of “I Want It That Way” with increasing desperation: tell me why tell me why tell me WHY TELL ME WHY TELL ME WH-
-
Emily: Oh don’t worry, these bruises aren’t from a fight. I have a girlfriend.
Morgan: Oh.
Morgan:
Morgan: OH.
-
Strauss: Hotch got into a car accident, so he’ll be a little bit late.
Penelope: Oh my god, is he okay?!
*30 minutes later*
Hotch: Hey guys, I’m back!
Penelope: GO HOME!
-
Elle: I think they should give us one free pass to kill customers.
-
Reid: Oh are you having a panic attack? Don’t worry, I know a place :)
-
Emily: Oh yeah, what happened to that lady who told us we would be smited by God over Facebook?
JJ: That happens a lot, you’re gonna have to be more specific.
2K notes
·
View notes
Hi! Hope your doing well!
I wanted to know if I could do a request with David Rossi? He has a daughter who has a higher IQ than Reid (it’s like 190 or 200?) has following in her father‘s footsteps and is high up in the FBI like higher than Strauss and he calls her down for a favor because Strauss is bothering Aaron and the team so she’s cracks down on Strauss and stuff?
David Rossi X Daughter Reader
Request: I wanted to know if I could do a request with David Rossi? He has a daughter who has a higher IQ than Reid (it’s like 190 or 200?) has following in her father‘s footsteps and is high up in the FBI like higher than Strauss and he calls her down for a favor because Strauss is bothering Aaron and the team so she’s cracks down on Strauss and stuff?
Third person pov...
Y/N Rossi was in her office in Quantico, she was in thr FBI, she had worked hard and was in a high position within it, Only being 18 she was making a good life of herself with an IQ of 200, it was a normal day she was in her office going over some files when she gets a call.
Wondering who was calling her she picks up. "Agent Rossi speaking" she answers, for work she uses 'Agent' as its easier. "Well hello Agent, this is your padre talking" come her Dad voice, this makes the adult laugh.
"papà non si era accorto che eri tu (1) "she laughs, the man chuckles lightly, she puts down her pen and spins around in her chair.
She looks out the window, her office being on one of the highest floors, a couple below the leader of the FBI. "allora perché chiami, c'è qualcosa che non va? (2) " she asks getting straight into business.
The man sighs wearly before answering
"It's Erin figlia (3) she going after Aaron and the tea. Again, can you do anything?" He askes, the man has just lost his wife a couple months ago.
Struass is pushing the man to leave the BAU, Y/N sighs once again Struass, the woman never knows when to shut up. "I'll see what I can do Papà (4) see you soom" she says, Rossi sighs he sounds less stressed out.
"Thank you piccolo" he says, Y/N sighs ans rubs her forehead looks like she's going to take a trip down to the BAUs floor tomorrow.
The next morning...
Strauss was taking over the case once again, the team gathered around the table, all with sullen looks as Struass looked around.
They were missing one person. "Has Agent Rossi not arrive yet?" She asks the silent room, even the evert rambling Spencer Reid didn't feel like talking to her.
Growing annoyed she goes to talk when a commotion starts in the bullpen, hearing it the team and Strauss stand up and walk out of the room, they are shocked to see Rossi standing with Agent Y/N F/N, one of the only Agents with ties to the chief of the Bureau.
"What is the meaning of this!" Exclaims Strauss, this made Y/N look at the woman, a glare on her young face. He the looks at her Dad. "I guess that's Struass" he says, the man nods his head.
Y/N cracks her knuckles. "You know Struass if you paid more attention to ypur family than this family then maybe you wouldn't be hated as much" she says, this earns her gasps of shock from around the bullpen.
Struass opens her mouth to retort but the H/C girl is quick with more. "You better leave this team alone unless you want a certain fact of yours to come into conversation" Y/Ns ruthless.
Eventually Struass has enough andeaves the bullpen fuming with anger, Y/N smirks at the woman, She gets a smile of thanks from her Dad.
After everyone calms down Y/N gets to meet her Dad team. She looks at Hotch and waves. "Hello Uncle Aaron" she smiles.
The others stare at their boss in shock. "You know her!" Exclaims Derek and Emily, Hotch just gives them a look. "Of course he knows me !" Smiles Y/N.
Rossi soon saves the team from confusion, as he wraps an arm around his daughter pulling her in for a hug and kisses her forehead. "lavoro assolutamente meraviglioso, piccola, hai bruciato quella strega (5) "He says in Italian.
"What how do you know her!" Yells Penelope, the team stare at the two, wondering how close they were, looking at her Dad Y/N laughs.
"You haven't told them about me" she accuses making the old man blushes embarrassed.
Pulling away her him Y/N straightens her suit of before talking, she looks around at the team smiling. "Nice to meet you all I'm Y/N Rossi, F/N is my Mothers last name, I use it so Papà and I are safe from people who wish to kill me or hurt him to get to me." She explains.
Everyone takes the nes well and welcomes Y/N into the family, they all thank her for what she did, Derek and Emily loving how she black mailed Struass into finally leaving them alone.
"It was no problem, Papà called about the old witch, of course I had to help him out"she says, Reid was surprised to meet someone who had a higher IQ than him but was happy when she actually listened to his ramblings about anything and could actually keep up with him.
As the day was coming to an end the team had gone home, apart from two,
Y/N and her Dad, the woman was waiting for him to finish up, once he was done the two walk to bus car.
"Thank you again piccolo, we couldn't of done it without you" he confessed. Y/n hugged the man, "it was nothing Papà, you can pay me back by cooking your famous pasta for dinner" she bargained.
This man the man laugh, of course as always she speaks with her stomache. "Pasta it is piccolo!" He announces making the girl laugh.
The end!
Italian translation
(1)
papà non si era accorto che eri tu - Dad didn't realize it was you
(2)
allora perché chiami, c'è qualcosa che non va? - so why are you calling, is there something wrong?
(3)
figlia - Daughter
(4)
Papà -Dad
(5)
lavoro assolutamente meraviglioso, piccola, hai bruciato quella strega -
Absolutely wonderful job, baby, you burned that witch
Hope you liked this oneshot! Sorry for the spelling and grammar mistakes.
Request are open!
Word count : 1040
235 notes
·
View notes
Funfact : I love asking for part 2...
So if it's not a problem : part 2 of the Reader with a criminal past ??
-Crow Anon
Hiya! Hope this is okay, I wasn't sure what exactly to put aha!
Warnings: discussions of previous crimes, nice strauss? (lol)
Hotch left you alone for the remainder of the journey, suspecting that you needed some time alone, which you were grateful for. You were, to put it bluntly, shitting bricks. It had been expunged, it technically didn't exist anymore. But that didn't mean it still wouldn't bite you in the ass.
Towards the end of the flight, Hotch sat back down. "It's going to have to be included in the reports." He said, his voice understanding.
"I know."
"Which means Strauss will see it."
"Yeah." You gave a soft sigh. "There's no promise she's not going to majorly overreact about it, is there?"
"I can't make that promise, no."
"Ah shit." You gave a small sigh. "She won't fire me though, right?"
"I don't believe so, no."
The rest of the flight dragged, with you wanting to do nothing more than crawl into a hole and hide for the rest of eternity. She was probably going to tear you a new one.
She approaches you half an hour after you land. "Agent (L/N), we need to talk."
You give a small nod, "Yes Ma'am." You stood, following her to her office, where Hotch was stood. You give him a small nod. "I'm assuming this is something to do with the case?"
"You would be assuming correct, Agent (L/N)." Strauss said. "Please, take a seat."
You did so, Hotch sitting in the seat next to you. "I feel like I'm in the Principal's office," You mumble quietly, Hotch hides his amusement (but you can see it in his eyes).
"It has come to light that you have a criminal record."
"Had, Ma'am." You said, "It was expunged."
"And why, exactly, was it expunged?" She asked, tilting her head.
"Because, Ma'am, the Judge recognised that I was a child and I made mistakes, and I was sorry for those mistakes." You answered.
"And what, exactly were these crimes?"
You looked down at the file in her hands, "Ma'am, you already know and the file is right there." You said, "But theft, a couple cases of assault, few others."
She watched you closely for a moment before sighing and turning to Hotch. "Do you believe this coming to light will impact his ability to work?"
"No, I do not." Hotch answered.
"Very well." She said, "I suppose there's nothing else to say on the matter."
You frowned slightly, "That's it?" You asked.
Strauss fought the urge to smile, "Yes, that's it." She stated, "Agent Morgan also had a record that was expunged, it would be unfair to treat you any differently."
You gave a small nod, "Thank you Ma'am."
"You are both dismissed." She gave a curt nod of the head and turned to the stack of files on her desk. You and Hotch stood, making your way out of the room.
"Guess I was just making a mountain out of a mole hill." You looked at Hotch and gave a shrug.
39 notes
·
View notes