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deke-rivers-1957 · 1 month

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Kung Fu Elvis Part 4

If you're new to this series, the point of this is to find out which Elvis character is the best fighter given an uninterrupted hand to hand combat styled fight. The goal is to rank each individual Elvis character and then within each tier determine who would win against who.

How I plan on determining this will be by finding each character's age, size and general background. How well a character does in on screen fights will also be considered but analyzed on a case by case basis. Sometimes an Elvis character loses a fight simply because it's a comedy, or due to the low quality stage fighting wins because his opponents are laughably weak.

At the end of the day this is all headcanon as these are all fictional characters. If you disagree with how I rank a character I would love to hear your thoughts on where you would put them.

While it isn't specifically stated, Change of Habit takes place in 1969. Sister Irene even being in the same sisterhood and being allowed to share housing with Sisters Michelle and Barbara who are both white is a sign this is after the Civil Rights Act of 1968. That law specifically cracks on discrimination regarding housing meaning it would be against the law to disallow Sister Irene from rooming with her white Sisters. Any issues regarding Sister Irene's race is seen at a de facto level since just because a law is past, doesn't mean everyone's attitudes immediately change to reflect it. Amanda canonically having autism and Dr. Carpenter using a rage reduction therapy also indicates this is 1969 at the earliest. Robert Zaslow's practice of using this therapy doesn't take off on a widespread level until the 1970s, but since no one else seemed to know about the therapy it's safe to assume this was when it was still in its infancy. Despite being a doctor, he's not necessarily comfortably well off because he works in an under privileged neighborhood. Clinics like the one we see didn't exactly get that much money compared to state/federally funded hospitals, so it's very possible for him to have to pay for medical supplies out of his own pocket. While he wouldn't have exactly starved since this town wasn't a food desert, it isn't out of the question to assume he had to keep his meals very simple. And since fitness culture as we know it wouldn't exist for about another decade, there was no need for him to have well defined muscles.

I'm making a revision on John's age. In my tidbit I said that I was making him an even 30 years old to reflect how long medical school takes. After going back and really thinking about the line where he explains why he became a doctor, I need to make a change. John mentions that he became a doctor as a way to pay it forward after his army sergeant saved his life. Since John specifically said this sergeant was killed on the other side of the world, the most likely assumption is that he was killed in a war. My best guess is that based on the amount of time John could be in the army and become a medical doctor, John would've served during the Korean War. Given that Elvis himself was born in 1935, John would actually need to be older than Elvis by at least a few months for this to be possible. Therefore, Dr. John Carpenter is at least 35 years old.

A Blue Hawaii movie poster appearing in the background strongly indicates that this was in 1962. Blue Hawaii came out in November, 1961. Since Christmas is literally never mentioned as being any time soon, you can assume this was after the New Year. No one needing so much as a windbreaker while over open waters indicates it's at least March. In fact, in the scene where Ross and Laurel are staying at the Yung family's house during the night, there's heavy rain. That type of heavy rain in Honolulu typically occurs between October and April with the summer months being relatively dry. The fishing season for tuna in particular takes place between March and August. You even see Ross try to help land a marlin at the beginning and they can be found in Hawaiian waters all year. However, because you only see them trying to catch one once, you get the idea that this is outside of their peak fishing season which is purely during the summer. Ross having the connections that he does with the Stavros family and the Yung family keeps him from being completely on his own. Even if he didn't have their help regarding a job and shelter, he's right by open waters. The native Hawaiians lasted a significantly long period of time fishing on a personal level, so at the very least Ross will not be at a risk of starving. If anything if a lot of Ross' meals contained properly prepared tuna, it would actually be very beneficial to his health. Tuna is one of the best foods a man can consume to not only reduce his risk of heart disease, but is also a great source of protein which promotes muscle growth (which is an important factor to consider when talking about the science behind fighting).

Like I said in my tidbit, I don't really have that many clues about how old Ross would be. We only get an indication of his past through a non-descript account of what happened. We don't know how much time has passed since his mother died, only that it was after he was born. Maternal mortality rates being relatively high in the 1930s doesn't make things easier when determining a specific year. His dad dying while talked about as if it was a recent enough event also doesn't help because nothing is specific. If Ross is able to work in a night club, and has been working for on a fishing boat for a long enough period of time yet not have the savings to buy the boat back himself, he has to be pretty young. Ross has never mentioned being in the military which would make him around the same age as Elvis. When you look at the draft numbers by year, once the Korean War ended, draft rates are pretty low. If the possibility of him being drafted isn't even a consideration, Ross would've had to turn 18 in late 1953 or later. For it to still not be a consideration Ross would have to be older than 25 since that's the Selective Service cutoff. Therefore, Ross is in his mid to late 20s.

My tidbit went into a lot of detail regarding the history of the Southwest and Mexico. One thing I will edit is that we can no longer assume this takes place in Tucson. I've since found signs found on a couple businesses that says the town's name is Rio Seco. Even though there are apartment complexes in Tucson with that name, this town is most likely fictional. What I didn't even consider is the type of guns that the characters use. Assuming the props seen are accurately depicting what is meant to happen, we can use these to determine a range of time. As a reminder the initial range that I used as a starting point is 1867-1910. So for the revolvers used, they were Colt Single Action Army Civilian models. Since it's defined as having a 4.75 inch barrel and .45 cartridge this type of gun would've entered the civilian market in 1874. Most rifles shown are 1892 Winchesters and are described as being a .38-40 caliber, making it an original design. Therefore, we'll just put this movie between the late 1890s and early 1910s. Since a small desert town like that wouldn't have significant changes from year to year, Jess' living conditions that I mentioned in my tidbit wouldn't change. Maybe if he comes back to town as the new sheriff, there's a reduced chance of starving but it still wouldn't be enough to promote adequate muscle growth.

I have no choice but to stick with what I guessed in my tidbit. Unless someone has more information from reading the book, I just don't have the information to make a better guess. I don't have the knowledge on how old you have to be to be sheriff in that time period. Even if I did, it Jess wasn't officially elected so his actual age wouldn't be a factor in that decision. The only confirmation I have to my guess is that the timeline would add up for Jess to have some familiarity to the Emperor's failed campaign in 1867 and still be in his early 30s.

I'm genuinely amazed that when looking up female bullfighters, Dolores was actually ahead of her time. Unless this movie's trying to tell us it really takes place before the Spanish Civil War, Dolores being an extremely famous female bullfighter is fictional. The Spanish Civil War was in the 1930s and many Spanish speaking countries had women banned from the sport. Unless there's a matadora that I'm not aware of Mexico didn't even have a matadora that famous until 2010. I have no idea who Dolores is meant to be a reference to since the only female bullfighters from the same time period as the movie were American. Figuring out where and when the former Duke and Margarita lost their peerage titles wouldn't help either since most abolished monarchies in Europe occurred during the 1940s or well after the movie was made. What is indisputable though is that Mike stays at the Acapulco Hilton Hotel which is still open as the Emporio Acapulco Hotel. This specific hotel opened in 1962 meaning it would have to take place around then as well. Given that trapeze artists still had relative success in the 1960s and need a specific diet, Mike would've had light, protein rich regular meals.

Like I said in my tidbit, we simply don't have enough clues on Mike's age outside of the obvious. Mike not getting a work VISA had nothing to do with his age since you can be as young as 15 and get one. Mike is obviously older than 15. For simplicity's sake the drinking age in all of Mexico is 18. Meaning they will not sell you alcohol if you don't prove you're 18 or older. Since Mike isn't noticeably carded for age verification, we can at the very least assume he's over 18 years old. Mike being part of a family trapeze act and a cliff diver doesn't necessarily help us either since there's no specific age requirement that would break this down any further. Only thing I can say is that for Olympic sport climbers, the average man is about 26 years old. I specified sport climber because it's the closest equivalent to Mike having to climb up the side of a cliff. So if we statistically label 26 years old as around a man's peak, we can assume Mike is around this age.

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John is the oldest Elvis character both based on how he's writing and based on how Change of Habit was his last movie. Being 35 means he would be at a big age disadvantage. Since I'm using MMA standards to determine a man's physical peak, John is well beyond that. Also look at his opponents: he punched an overweight man who looked old enough to be a senior citizen and his lackeys but the way it was portrayed felt very lackluster, and he disarmed Julio which doesn't even count.

I know I put him in C tier but the more I look at him, John is not capable of handling an official fight. He's so skinny that I highly doubt his ability to take a punch against someone a lot stronger than him. Also look at his stamina. Despite being a former military man, John is shown as being winded playing football with children. John might be able to get lucky hits in and can beat old people but he stands no chance against those who are younger than him. He's in D tier simply because he's not even close to being physically capable of beating better opponents.

Ross has little variety in his opponents. Only a severely drunk man and Mr. Johnson who's about John's age. I know it's a matter of what the story dictates but Ross being able to dodge a drunk man's attack indicates that he has at least some reflexes. Being in his mid-late 20s puts him at his peak where he has the right combination of strength and experience. Even though he fought an older man twice, he was able to beat him twice. Fighting the same opponent more than once can be a disadvantage if you're not as skilled because your opponent would've had the ability to counteract any surprises. Ross beating Mr. Johnson twice is a sign that his first win was more than luck. He had to have a genuine amount of skill to win given that Mr. Johnson was outright expecting a fight of some kind.

Ross is a great example of how you can be skilled without having direct training. Working on a boat allowed Ross to build up some muscle in his upper body and walking/running everywhere (especially on uneven terrain) built up his leg muscles as well. One aspect of fighting that really works to Ross' advantage is footwork and balance. Being on a boat in the open waters is as unstable as you can get outside of being in a severe earthquake. If you can handle that without losing your balance or getting sick, a fight on a flat surface should be easy. Easily a B tier fighter since his footwork gives him an advantage against other "common man" opponents.

Jess doesn't have a single fight that would count under my rules. You don't bring weapons to a fist fight and that's what we're determining. Jess slamming Billy Roy's head into the jail cell's bar or punching him after he shot the sheriff doesn't even count as fights since Billy Roy wasn't in any position to fight back on both occasions.

When you consider that he comes from a completely different time period where food was a bit more scarce; he's older than 30 which puts him past his peak; and he doesn't have a single onscreen fist fight win under his belt, Jess would be at a huge disadvantage. I'll have to update Clint's rank in my final list based on my choice to include Does Not Apply since he comes from even earlier in time than Jess. It simply isn't fair to put people from the 1860s in fights against people from ~100 years in the future when society as a whole has changed.

Moreno is his only fight but his physical activity more than makes up for it. There was no cheap shot, one punch knock situation. This was a clean fist fight. He's a trapeze artist and was able to successfully attempt one of the most dangerous cliff dives in the world without ever officially training for it. The upper body strength from being a trapeze artist would give him a big advantage when generating a strong swing.

I know I just said physical activity more than makes up for only having one fight, but that's only in regards to even giving him a rank. You know that he's physically capable of putting an opponent down. I'd say he's about equal to Ross and would put him in B tier. I think between the two, Ross might be slightly younger and has a more well rounded strength that serves him better in in a fist fight.

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To summarize this part:

Ross is in B tier.

Mike W. is in B tier below Ross.

Dr. John Carpenter is in D tier.

Jess simply DNA and will not get an official rank.

Tagging: @karel-in-wonderland, @crash-and-cure, @lynettethemadscientist, @leighpc, @alienelvisobsession,

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#kung fu elvis #jess wade #dr. carpenter #mike windgren #ross carpenter #charro!#change of habit #fun in acapulco #girls! girls! girls!

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