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fenrys-moonbeam-lochan · 5 years ago

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Soulmate AU 1.0: My Love is Worth so Much More (Part 3)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4 ao3

So this took on a life of its own went waaaay longer then I had intended. Hope you guys still enjoy it.

XXX

Summary: Everyone knows the facts about soulmates. You are born with dull marks on your body that brighten when you touch your soulmates for the first time. A person can have up to any number of soulmates though three is the average number. You stop ageing at age twenty-five and do not age until you find all your soulmates and until all your soulmates start ageing too. Those are the facts

Then there are beliefs. Soulmates are supposed to be chosen by the universe for you, so they can’t be wrong, can they? Wrong. There is no point of it if they do not respect you, no point if they do not love you. No point if they hurt you.

It takes years for Lorcan to figure that out though.

XXX

Lorcan had died and descended to another plane of existence.

Or at least that’s what it felt like as he slid off Rowan and flopped down beside him. He didn’t think he had ever had sex this good before.

He looked over to the younger man, who still seemed to be riding the after chock of his orgasm. Lorcan turned on his side and gently cupped his neck.

“You alright, Whitethorn?”

Rowan took a few deep breathes, “Yeah, yeah. Just-just a little overwhelmed. Never had it like that before,”

Lorcan grinned and gave him a soft kiss.

“Well, I don’t think you’ve ever had sex with your soulmate before either,”

Rowan smiled, “Yeah. What about you? I noticed some of your other petals are filling it out,’

“Well,” said Lorcan, loosely putting his arms around Rowan, “I met Gavriel and Maeve when at least one of us was a child and Vaughan and I have always had a more brotherly relationship,”

“Oh so those three are your soulmate?” said Rowan, “Or well I guess mine too,”

Lorcan frowned, “Yes, they are. Don’t you already know that? We’ve never hidden it,”

Rowan shrugged, “It’s not like you go around showing your mark to people, speculating and gossiping about soulmates is considered inappropriate, and mix that with the fact that people are usually reluctant to talk about Maeve and her closest in general, yeah there’s only vague rumours,”

Huh. Rowan had a point. Children kept their marks covered in general, even orphanages provided a powder to cover them up. Lorcan had never done it as a child but as a favour to Maeve, he and the other two had done it for most of their adult lives. He wouldn’t be surprised if even their personal group of warriors were oblivious to the bond between them. And if they did know, they probably didn't discuss it as talking about a soulmate bond without the soulmates’ permission was considered rude and improper.

Though there was one thing.

“What do people think about me living with Maeve since I was a child?”

“That’s actually why the rumours exist,” said Rowan, “Though some people just think that you impressed her and she gave you to one of her warriors to take under their wing,”

Well, it wasn't a complete lie. He and Vaughan had been trained by some of the best warriors in Maeve’s old guard.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” said Rowan, “Do you have any other marks?”

Lorcan brought his hand to his chest and rubbed their until the powder came off and the swirl pattern was visible. Fascinated, Rowan traced it with his hand, smiling up at Lorcan.

“Ever wonder about them?” said Rowan

Lorcan shrugged, “Not really. I’ll meet them when I meet them,”

Rowan took his hand away and rubbed at his own chest. After a few seconds, Loran could see a small flame right over Rowan’s heart.

“It’s in the same place as mine,” said Lorcan, touching the mark in awe

“Yeah,”

They stayed like that until Lorcan couldn't resist anymore and leaned down t give Rowan a soft kiss, letting his lips linger until they had to come up for air.

The younger man nuzzled his cheeks and whispered, “I have to say, I'm not used to this,”

“Kissing softly,” said Lorcan with a grin

“Staying the night,”

Lorcan furrowed his brow, “I would say that we’re soulmates so of course, you stayed but I get the feeling this is more than that,”

“I’ve mostly kept myself alone since -well- since-”

“Lyria,” Lorcan finished for him, comfortingly running a hand through his hair

Rowan smiled sadly, “You know about that?”

Lorcan pressed his lips in imitation of a smile, “It was a pretty big wedding,”

“Right,” said Rowan, voice a little too rough

Lorcan pulled him up in a hug and kissed his hair.

“Well, You’re definitely not going to be alone anymore,”

XXX

Lorcan startled awake and for a few seconds, he couldn't breathe.

It took him a few panicked breathes to realize that he wasn’t really feeling his own emotions.

Throwing off the covers, he hurried out into the hall. Gavriel was also stepping out of the room in front of him. Vaughan was already in the hall, looking wide-eyed and confused.

“Who was that?”

Soulmates shared a special, physical bond that sometimes allowed emotions to carry over. Lorcan’s bond with others had never been this loud before. Maeve kept her distance. Gavriel was usually level headed. Like Lorcan, Vaughan had learned early on how to handle his as to not disturb the others. Usually they used the bond to find out where the other person was or if there was any emotional turmoil to navigate, something that had been helpful when Gavriel had lost the last of his family.

This loud and intrusive feeling in his chest was new and confusing.

In his haze, it took Lorcan a few minutes remember the newest addition to their bond. Gavriel and Vaughan must have had the same realization at the same time because they also turned toward the door at the end of the hall.

Rowan’s room had a sheet of ice on each wall, the windows were frosted over and there were icicles hanging from the ceiling. Whatever had caused his magic to go out of control had obviously been happening for a few hours now.

Rowan himself was twisting his hands in the sheets, eyes still closed with tears running down his cheeks.

Lorcan wanted to rush forward and take the younger man in his arms, wake him up and tell him that he was okay, that whatever horror was going through his head was not real.

He knew better though.

Instead, he followed Gavirel as they slowly walked to the bed, Vaughan took the position at Rowan’s feet and Gavriel at his head. Nodding at the two of them, he knelt and started to whisper in Rowan’s ear.

“Wake up Ro. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay. You just have to wake up,”

Rowan kept thrashing, so Vaughan and Gavriel kept their hands out, not touching but ready to stop him if he started to hurt himself.

It didn’t come to that though. Rowan eventually started to calm down so Lorcan squeezes his hand, startling him awake. Rowan between the three of them wide-eyed and confused with a bit of fear still in his eyes.

“Hey Rowan,” whispered Lorcan

That was all Rowan needed to get out of his stupor because as soon as Lorcan spoke, he promptly burst into tears and threw himself at Lorcan.

Lorcan hugged him close, shushing him and rocking him gently.

“It’s okay. You’re okay, Ro. It was just a bad dream, you’re okay,”

It only made Rowan cry harder, so Lorcan let him, holding him close and letting him know he wasn’t alone.

“I’m sorry,” Rowan whispered into his shoulder once he had calmed.

“No need to apologize,” murmured Lorcan, manoeuvring them so they were leaning against the wall by his bed. Gavriel and Vaughan joined them on either side, whispering their own reassurances.

“Do you want to talk about it?” asked Gavriel, rubbing his arm

“I- I was dreaming about Lyria,”

“Okay,” said Gavriel in encouragement

Rowan hiccupped, “Most people don’t know this but Lyria- she was pregnant when she died,”

The three older men looked at each other stunned. Not ageing came with a lot of side effects. A stronger immune system, strength, becoming harder to kill, and of course very very low fertility. A good thing too. Lorcan himself was centuries old. If he and everyone as old as him kept having children all through their temporary immortality, the world would be overrun pretty soon.

However, as rare as children for immortals were, especially when both parents were immortal, it didn’t mean it never happened, proven by Rowan's story.

“I was going to be a father,” Rowan said in a broken whisper, “I was going to be a father and they both died and I keep seeing them, her body just laying there, broken and I just want it to stop!”

He dissolved into sobs again.

“I just want it to stop,” he whispered through his tears

Not knowing what to do or what to say, the three of them just pulled their youngest soulmate as close as they could, holding him for the rest of the night.

XXX

Lorcan watched Vaughan whip Rowan with a pit in his stomach. Beside him, Gavriel was tense, barely keeping himself from rushing forward and pulling Rowan away.

Lorcan knew that the whip was a common punishment in Maeve’s guard, had gone through it himself, had watched Vaughan and Gavriel go through it, had implemented it under Maeve’s order but something about the scene in front of him irked him.

Maybe it was the protectiveness he felt over Rowan, maybe it was the distant look in Rowan’s eyes.

Or maybe it was the fact that Lorcan knew that this whipping was exactly what Rowan had wanted when he lad lashed out in front of Maeve.

Once they were done, Vaughan moved to clean up the place while Gavriel stepped forward to take Rowan back to their rooms. He turned to wait for Lorcan but he waved them off.

“I have to talk to Maeve. I’ll be there later,”

Lorcan found Maeve in her study, already moving on to other matter as if she hadn’t just had Rowan whipped for no good reason.

“Lorcan,” said Maeve, once she noticed him, “Come in. What are you doing here? I thought you would be with the others,”

She said it with a gentle tone and a smile on her face. Lorcan had to shake his head to not sink into her sweetness and honey-dipped words.

“I wanted to talk to you about Rowan,” he said, seating himself opposite to her

Maeve looked at him curiously, “What about him?”

“I don’t think the whip was necessary,”

Maeve tilted his head, studying him, “Lorcan, you know the rules. He gave up control over his magic and he was given the punishment anyone would be given in the situation,”

“Yes, of course. I know that,” said Lorcan, “But it was obvious he was upset and not thinking straight. Wouldn’t it be more efficient to help him overcome whatever it is he is struggling with so it doesn’t happen again, rather than cause him more pain,”

“Like I said Lorcan, whatever the reason, the punishment still had to be dolled out,” said Maeve, voice matter of fact

“I know. I know,” said Lorcan, “All I’m saying is that maybe a little more understanding would be better,”

“What I understand,” said Maeve. “Is that Rowan is a grown man who consciously performed an action that got him punished,”

Lorcan could feel himself getting irritated but he squashed it down, “Yes, he did do wrong but was whipping him the way to correct that wrong,”

“It has always been like that. He will be fine, just like everyone else,”

Lorcan’s dormant anger flared at that remark and he jumped out of the chair before he could say something stupid.

“You’re not listening to me,” said Lorcan, voice louder than he intended, “It’s not about ‘everyone else’. This is about Rowan and how you’re punishing him despite the fact that he just needs help,”

“Help,” said Maeve raising his eyebrow, giving him the look she used to when he was a child. The ‘you poor child look’

It took every ounce of Loracn’s strength not to do a redo of Rowan’s explosion earlier.

“Yes, Maeve help!” Lorcan knew his voice was louder than it should be, knew he should stop himself.

He didn’t. He was too angry too.

“Rowan is hurt and upset and still mourning. He’s lashing out because he has no other way to deal with himself and you whipping him is giving him the wrong kind of coming method. Can’t you see that,”

In an instant, Maeve was in front of him, leading him back to the chair.

“There. There, Lorcan,” said Maeve, “Take a few deep breathes, calm down,”

Lorcan followed her instruction until his head cleared and looked to where she was sitting back in her chair.

“Are you saying that you are afraid Rowan might get, how should I put it, addicted to pain as an out for his emotions,”

Lorcan nodded, all the energy draining out of him.

“Well,” said Maeve, “As you know, I don't usually get involved in personal things like that, for anyone in the guard including you four. We just don’t have that type of soulmate relationship you know,”

Lorcan bit his lip. She was right, of course. She had always preferred to keep a distance from their bond and that was her choice. It also meant that she didn’t always have an idea of what was going through their heads.

“But since you’re so worried and you are my soulmates after all, even if we don't have that type of relationship, I’ll look into helping him somehow. Maybe a small vacation for the two of you. He seems to be the closest with you. We could also have him see a ming healer,”

Lorcan nodded, still feeling the whiplash from how fast the conversation had changed direction.

“Anything else,” said Maeve, tone once gain changed to dismissive and uncaring

Lorcan shook his head, “No, Maeve,”

“Lovely,” she said waving her hand at him

He got up and went to the door, only for her to call him as he was about to step out.

“Yes?” he said turning around.

“See Lorcan,” said Maeve, “Everything can be solved with a little bit of conversation, there is no reason to shout.

Lorcan nodded.

Maeve smiled, “Maybe you should see a mind healer too,” she said befor turning back to her papers. It didn't sound reassuring at all.

He left her study feeling as if he had lost something.

XXX

Lorcan got out the mixers and pans and set them out beside the ingredients. He looked at the clock and concluded that he had about an hour and twenty minutes.

Perfect. It should be enough time.

He mixed the ingredients together in about twenty minutes and as soon as the cake was in the oven, he started working on the icing.

Once the cake was done he put it on the rack to cool down and checked the time. Still had twenty minutes, maybe more depending on the other man’s mood.

Exactly twenty-five minutes later, Rowan stumbling into the kitchen, giving Lorcan a sleepy look.

“Hey,” he said grabbing himself some water, “What are you doing?”

“Cake,” said Lorcan, “Just finished the cream inside, have to decorate the outside now. How was your nap?”

“It was okay,” said Rowan, “Why are you making a cake? We’re the only ones here,”

Lorcan just shrugged, “Wanted to bake a cake. Want to help me decorate?”

Rowan shook his head, “Don’t know how,”

“I could show you,” Lorcan insisted, “Come here. It will be fun,”

“I really don’t feel like it, Lor,”

And that was just the problem. Rowan hasn’t felt like doing anything lately. He got like that sometimes, entered a dark slump that was hard to get out of without help. The current one had been going on longer than usual. If it kept going Maeve was going to get upset and an upset Maeve was never a good thing.

More then that though, Lorcan was just worried about Rowan. Rowan had some problems with being alone and asking for company. They could never be sure when he was genuinely in need of space or when he was just afraid to ask. Usually, his need for space lasted for a few days. It had been over a week now since his slump had started and Loracn figured an intervention was in order.

“Come on, Rowan. Decorate the cake with me. We can eat it together with wine. Just the two of us. Please!”

Rowan smiled at his admittedly rare theatrics and looked as if his resolve was breaking.

“I’ll even let you clean the icing bowl,”

Rowan snorted, Lorcan’s favourite smile spreading across his face. One that was full of laughter and childish mischief.

“Can’t say no to that now can I?”

Internally, Lorcan was squealing, however, he merely handed Rowan another spreader and started to coach him through decorating the cake.

They spent the next half an hour making different patterns out of the big bowls of frosting and icing they had created. The result was a wonky-looking thing with ten different colours without any pattern to them.

“What a work art,” said Rowan, “Truly magnificent,”

Lorcan snorted, “Not my fault you’re terrible at this,”

“Hey now, you’re the one that insisted I do this with you,”

“And it was fun!”

Rowan smiled at him, “Yes it was and if I remember correctly, I was promised a reward at the end,”

Lorcan grinned and drew the younger man closer to him, “Yes, yes you were,”

He picked up the bow and instead of giving Rowan a spoom to lick, he scooped some with his fingers and presented them to Rowan. The silver-haired man looked surprised for only a moment before he was taking Lorcan’s fingers in his mouth and licking them clean.

Once he was done, he sort of just looked at Lorcan and they both burst into laughter.

“Oh my god, I don’t know why I did that,” said Lorcan, still surprised at himself.

Rowan chuckled and wrapped his arms around him.

“Let’s go eat cake, commander,”

Lorcan kissed his nose, “Yes, let’s,”

So they grabbed the cake and a bottle of expensive wine and lade their way to the roof. The sun was just setting casting a warm glow all over the city. The spent the rest of the evening feeding each other cake and getting tipsy over wine.

Sometime during the night, after the stars and moon had come out, Lorcan looked over at Rowan and just kept on looking, helpless against the beauty. His hair was shining like silver under the moonlight. His sharp features were casting a shadow on his face, making them seem even sharper. His eyes were shining as bright as the stars he was gazing at and a small smile adorned his face.

Noticing this stare, Rowan looked over, “What?”

Lorcan smiled and reached out to gently cup his cheek, “You’re beautiful,”

Rowan blushed, leaning in to give him the softest of kisses.

“Sap,”

Later, Lorcan carried Rowan down, the younger man a little too drunk on wine to come down himself. After putting him in bed, Lorcan was just about to turn to the door when Rowan took his arm and tugged him back.

Lorcan looked down at the man lying in the bed, “What is it, Rowan?”

“Can you stay?” he whispered, an odd little tremor in his voice that Lorcan didn’t like.

“In the bed? With you?”

Rowan looked down at the bedspread and nodded.

Lorcan smiled, “I would love to,”

Rowan's head snapped up, looking a little too surprised for Lorcan’s liking. He smiled at the younger man and slipped under the covers after taking off his shirt.

“Come here,” he told the younger man

Rowan manoeuvred himself with his back was against Lorcan’s chest.

After a few minutes of quiet Lorcan was sure Rowan asleep and was just about to fall asleep himself when Rowan spoke up, voice soft with sleep.

“She doesn’t deserve it you know,”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Your devotion,” he mumbled, “She doesn’t deserve your devotion,”

It wasn’t hard to guess who Rowan was talking about. Not knowing what to say, Lorcan stayed quiet eventually hearing Rowan’s gentle snores.

He didn’t sleep properly for the rest of the night.

XXX

“Hey, Lorcan!”

Lorcan slowed down allowing Vaughan to catch up to him.

“Good morning,”

Vaughan smiled and linked their arms together, “Where are you going?”

“Just the gardens,” said Lorcan, “Thought I’d take an early morning walk,”

“Walk? Don't you usually run in the mornings?”

“Back is still being a bother,”

from the lashing yesterday went unsaid

“Well, would you mind if I join you?”

Lorcan smiled at his soulmate, “Never,”

It was a bright spring morning, the sun was just starting to peek out of the clouds and there was a fresh breeze in the air.

“What is it you wanted to talk about?”

“I didn’t say anything about talking,” said Vaughan but Lorcan knew it was just for show. They had never able to hide anything from each other.

Lorcan just gave him a look, telling him to get on with it.

“I wanted to talk about Rowan, more specifically you and Rowan’s...um...intimacy,”

Lorcan snorted, “You can say sex you know,”

Vaughan coughed, “Yes well, I’m a little worried about him,”

That made Lorcan frown, “What about him having sex with me is worrying. You know I always treat my bed partners well,”

“No! No! I didn’t mean it like that! It’s just- you know his thing with asking for help or touch. He’s not good at just initiating it and well I think it’s translating itself to why he’s having sex with you,”

Lorcan shook his head, “Vaughan, I have to admit I have no idea what you’re saying,”

Vaughan took a deep breath, “I think he’s having sex with you because he has no idea how else to ask for touch,”

Lorcan felt his whole self still in dread.

“What?” he asked quietly

“Not all the time of course. He’s attracted to you, that much is obvious, but I’ve noticed he’s a lot twitchier and he’s been going to your bed a lot more and put the two together and...”

Lorcan’s head spun so hard that he had to sit down, Vaughan gently lowering him to the ground and rubbing his arm comfortingly. A small part of him wanted to deny it but a bigger part of him knew Vaughan was most likely right. He had always been the most observant of them all. And Rowan had been coming to his bed a lot more.

God, how had he not noticed?

“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” whispered Vaughan, “I’ve only noticed recently which probably means it’s a recent development,”

“He’s been a part of us for years now though, why is he acting like this now?”

“Well, at first he probably pushed the need away, hence why he’s so touch starved now. And it took him a while to open up to all of us. We didn’t even know he had nightmares or about his unborn child until that nightmare. Remember?”

Lorcan nodded. That night had been awful.

“Why are you telling me?” asked Lorcan. Vaughan could have easily solved the problem himself. And if he thought it should be a group thing, he would have called Gavriel here too.

“Well, you are the only one he’s interested in having sex with or who's interested in having sex with him,”

“True,”

“And you know me and him aren’t that close and him Gavriel and him just aren’t that kind of friends,”

Lorcan smiled. Rowan and Gavriel’s friendship was one of the most amusing things around the manor. The two grown-ass men became young children around each other. Running around in the gardens, sparring and creating mayhem for everyone else. Gavriel was always so contained that it had been a shocking but welcome surprise to see him let loose around their youngest soulmate.

However, that type of friendship did not go beyond quick ‘manly’ hugs and wrestling in the arena. Though Lorcan knew that if Rowan ever indicated that he needed more, Gavriel would be more then happy to cuddle the silver-haired man, probably groom him like a small cub too.

“I suppose that you’re hoping I’ll do something about it,”

Vaughan smiled sheepishly, “I thought about a full intervention but that will probably make him shut down on us so...”

Lorcan sighed and shook his head, “I’ll do...something,”

Vaughn smiled and helped him up, “I have no doubt,”

Lorcan didn’t have to wait long for the chance. After dinner the same day, Rowan found him in his room and he’s ashamed to say that he nearly forgot about his conversation with Vaughan. Rowan's lips were insistent, his hands hot on his body, making everything else seem distant.

God, it was so tempting, so tempting to just give in to the heat and desire, to take what Rowan was already offering.

But all it took was a little peek into their bond and a little more attention to the erratic magical undertone in the room for Lorcan to know how wrong it would be.

Lorcan gently pushed Rowan away from where he had thrown them both on the bed. The other man instantly clung tighter, whimpering desperately. His eyes were glazed over, almost as if he wasn’t there. The bond seemed to be churning with unrest and a feeling of sickness washed over Lorcan.

God, how had he not noticed before?

“Rowan stop,” Lorcan saif softly but firmly.

The other man immediately stilled, pulling away like he had been hit, a feeling of dread going through them.

Shit, he really should have thought his wording through.

Before Rowan could make a run for it, Lorcan hugged him close, guiding Rowan’s head to his shoulder. The other man instantly melted against him, a soft whine coming from his lips.

“I know. I know. It’s okay,”

Rowan just cried harder, pushing himself into Lorcan’s embrace, as if he wanted to fuse with him.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. Take a deep breathe and let’s get back on the bed, okay?”

Rowan nodded but kept his grip on Lorcan, almost like he was unable to let go. Instead of prying his hands away, Lorcan just scooped him up, pulling a startled squeak from his throat that would have been hilarious in any other situation. As it was, Lorcan couldn’t bring himself to even smile.

Not letting go of his youngest soulmate, Lorcan manoeuvred them so he was sitting up against the headboard with Rowan curled against his chest.

“Better?” whispered Lorcan

Rowan nodded and hid his face in Lorcan’s neck.

“Hmmm,” said Lorcan, “You know, you don’t have to have sex with me to get me to touch you,”

Rowan tensed up and Lorcan gently shushed him, “It’s okay. I’m not mad. I just wish you would have asked me,”

The younger man let out a shattered sob, completely breaking Lorcan’s heart.

“Oh Rowan,” Lorcan murmured into his hair, “It’s alright. It’s alright. Please tell me what’s wrong,”

“I just- I don’t,” tried Rowan, crying too hard to speak properly

Lorcan remembered the conversation with Vaughan from earlier.

“You don’t know how to ask, is that it?”

Rowan nodded.

With a sigh, Lorcan carded his fingers through Rowan’s hair, “Just so you know, when you are able to ask we will always listen, we will never turn you away,”

Rowan tightened his hands in Lorcan’s shirt.

“But you already know that don’t you? That’s not really the whole problem is it?”

Lorcan thought about everything he knew about Rowan, about Lyria and about the way he had punished himself for years for her death, how he probably still punished himself.

God, it made sense in a twisted way.

“You deserve it you know,” said Lorcan, making Rowan’s cry harder, “You deserve to be cared for, to be loved, to be held. Whatever you think, please believe you deserve those things,”

“It’s hard,” said Rowan, lifting his head away a little, trying to even his breathing

Lorcan wiped away his tears with one hand, keeping the other one in his hair, “I know Rowan,”

Once Rowan had stopped crying, Lorcan kissed his forehead and made a suggestion.

“Why don’t you practice, hmmm? Telling me what you need,”

Rowan tensed again so Lorcan squeezed him tighter, “Don’t worry. I won’t let you go. It was just a suggestion. It’s not like you have to ask out loud. You could just come flop in my lap during any time of the day and I would hug the life out of you,”

Rowan chuckled, a little teary and a little broken, “Okay,”

“Okay?”

“Okay, I’ll try,”

Lorcan smiled and kissed his forehead again.

Rowan sat up, putting a little distance between their bodies but keeping their legs tangled together. Lorcan kept rubbing his arm, hoping to both comfort and encourage.

He opened his mouth once and then closed, tried against but he was obviously struggling to get the words out.

“It’s okay,” Lorcan soothed, “You don’t have to right now,”

Rowan shook his head and shut his eyes tight.

Taking a deep breathe he tried again, “Lo-Lorcan?”

“Yes, Rowan,” said Lorcan, keeping his voice gentle

“Will you- would you please-”

He broke off again, making a frustrated sound.

Lorcan leaned forward and placed a soft kiss against his temple, “Take your time, Ro,”

Rowan took another shuddering breath and swallowed.

“Lorcan, would you please hug me,” he said, voice so quiet and small that it made Lorcan’s hear ache.

He instantly pulled the younger man closer, wrapping his arms around him and pressing kisses into his hair.

“I'm so proud of you, beautiful,”

Rowan made a small noise of contentment and snuggled closer.

“It started getting worse after the cake,” murmured Rowan after a while, head still buried in Lorcan’s shoulder.

Lorcan frowned “What do you mean?”

That had been months ago.

Rowan untangled them a little so he could look at Lorcan properly, “I was pretty drunk when I asked you to stay the night and waking up next to you felt so good, all cuddled up in our arms. After the I wanted to do it again but I just, couldn’t ask,”

“So at first you started getting drunk a lot more and then when Gavriel started to get worried, you started having so much sex with me that Vaughan started noticing,”

“Yes,” whispered Rowan, looking ashamed, “I’m sorry. I feel like I used you,”

Lorcan shook his head, “I don’t feel used. If anything I enjoyed it so greatly that it took a conversation with Vaughan for me to realize what was going on with you,”

Rowan smiled and snuggled closer. Going over their conversation, Lorcan got another idea.

“Hey Rowan?” said Lorcan, “What if we slept in the same bed,”

“Today?” asked Rowan

“Well, yes today,” said Lorcan, “But what if we just share a bed all the time, hmmm? Would you like that?”

Rowan’s face lit up with a grin and he surged up to give Lorcan a kiss on the lips.

“Yes. Yes. I would love it,”

Lorcan smiled and felt a questioning tug down their bond. He looked down at Rowan who nodded, beaming up at him.

A moment later, the door opened and a mountain lion bounded in, Vaughan just behind him. Gavriel came on the bed and flopped down on their legs, somehow making himself comfortable. Vaughan chose to sit on Rowan’s other side, wrapping his arms around the younger man and kissing his head.

“Everything okay?” asked Vaughan

Rowan nodded and smiled at them, “Yeah, everything is okay,”

XXX

Lorcan entered the kitchen to laughter and chatter coming from his soulmates.

“What are you three doing up before me?”

“Maeve isn’t here so we thought we could have a more informal breakfast,” said Rowan, setting down the glasses on the table

“Why so early though?”

“Because,” said Gavriel, “If you had woken up first you would have started making breakfast and we wanted to do something nice for you,”

“Um...why?” asked Lorcan

“Well you take care of us all the time,” said Vaughan, “Just thought we would return the favour for once,”

“Is that alright?” said Rowan, his voice betraying just a little bit of uncertainty.

Lorcan smiled and slung his arm around the silver-haired man, “It’s wonderful. Thank you. What were you working on?”

The three grinned and pulled him over to the table for a crowded but delicious buffet of breakfast foods.

XXX

Lorcan was relaxing on the balcony when he felt cold water splash onto his face. He straightened up into a sitting position and looked above him. There were two birds hovering over him, a small bucket clutched in their claws.

He could hear Gavriel’s laughter from inside.

Those little shits!

XXX

Lorcan was arguing with Maeve again. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

“I just don't understand why you won’t just let him go visit, Maeve,”

“Rowan is needed here Lorcan,” said Maeve

“And I’m not arguing with that Maeve,” said Loran. “But telling him he can’t go visit his family for just a week? Isn’t that a bit much,”

“Are you questioning my ruling?” asked Maeve, voice low and dangerous. A clear indication for his to shut the hell up.

He did not shut up.

“Yes, Maeve,” said Lorcan, “I am actually questioning it because it makes no sense,”

Maeve scoffed, “You never used to act like. You used to be such a sweetheart, my god what happened to you?”

Lorcan bit his lip. He always hated it when she made comments like that but at the moment he had other things on his mind.

“I don’t know Maeve,” said Lorcan, “What can I say? I’m an adult now, have been an adult for a couple of centuries. It’s a pity that you’ve regressed to childish behaviours like keeping one of your soulmates from his family as if he’s your prisoner,”

It was only because of years of living with her that he was able to dodge the glass that was hurled his way, letting crash against the wall next to him.

“Oh look, Maeve,” he said mockingly, “Seems like you missed,”

He marched out of the room before she could say anything else. Vaughan met him at the end of the hall, glancing at the door behind him and looking worried.

“Are you okay?” asked Vaughan, linking their arms together, “That felt intense,”

Lorcan shrugged and answered, “Just an argument,”

“Did she throw something again?” asked Vaughan with concern lacing his words

Lorcan shrugged again, “I provoked her,”

Vaughan frowned but nodded his acceptance and didn't say anything else.

Later that evening there was a letter delivered to his door.

Dear Lorcan,

I apologize for losing my temper earlier today. That was unbecoming of me. I have done some thinking and I have realized that you were right. Rowan should be able to see his family so I came up with a solution that I hope will benefit everyone. I have decided to invite some members of the Whitethorn family for dinner. That way Rowan can stay here and see his family.

I just can not stand when someone accuses me of not treating my soulmates well, especially since I choose to have a distant relationship with some of you.

You should come out to the rose garden tonight. We can walk under the moon like as we used to when you were a little boy.

Awaiting your forgiveness,

Maeve

Lorcan sighed. Another apology letter.

He went to his closet and hunted through it until he found a blue wooden box. He slid it open and stuffed the letter with every other apology he had received from her over the centuries.

At least, Rowan would get a nice family dinner out of it.

The next morning when Vaughan asked how he was, he answered him with a genuine smile.

“We had a talk yesterday. Took a walk in the rose garden. Maeve and I are fine,”

He pretended not to notice the looks Gavriel and Rowan gave each other.

They were fine.

XXX

Lorcan, Vaughan, Gavriel and Rowan were sitting in the small study and putting their finishing touches on the reports.

Rowan finished and set aside his finished paper to work on another one. A minute later, he picked up the same paper and handed it to Gavriel, who handed his to Lorcan who handed his own to Vaughan. Vaughan then handed his own to Rowan.

Working like that, they spent their evening finishing and signing reports and reading them over and editing them for each other.

Once they were finished, Rowan leaned back and stretched, “I love the bond. It’s so damn efficient. Even me and Enda couldn't work as seamlessly as this and we were trained to basically be an extension of each other,”

“We actually didn’t use it a lot before you came along,” said Gavriel, Lorcan and Vaughan nodding their agreement

“Really? Why not?”

Gavriel shrugged as he answered, “Really not sure. We just never use it consciously. Of course, we always knew where the other person was if we wanted to and we couldn’t really hide it when we were too upset but other then that, the bond pretty much just stayed dormant. Just a constant thing in the back of our heads,”

“Though I have to say it is useful,” said Lorcan, “If not a little loud,”

“Come now,” said Vaughan, “I think we’ve gotten much better at it. Remember when Rowan first joined, we could barely keep out of each other’s heads, especially when one us was feeling strongly about a situation”

Loran grinned. Vaughan was putting it mildly. It had lead to some embarrassing situations. Lorcan loved Gavriel but he did not want to know his preferences in bed and apparently Vaughan and Gavriel felt the same way about him and Rowan.

“I like that we’re closer because of it,” said Gavriel

Lorcan smiled. He liked it too.

XXX

Rowan sighed from under Lorcan, bringing his hand up to cup Lorcan’s neck, “I like when we’re like this, your whole weight on top of me, just lying here and doing nothing,”

“Oh?” said Lorcan, gently nuzzling Rowan’s cheek, “What else do you like?”

“Hmmm,” said Rowan, thoughtfully, “I like it when you pull my hair just a little and when you kiss behind my ear,”

“Like this,” said Lorcan, placing his lips behind Rowan’s ear

Rowan gave a small laugh, “Yeah, like that,”

“Anything else,” said Lorcan, looking down at his lovely soulmate.

“I like it when you take me against a wall, when you fuck me so hard that I can barely remember my own name and when you leave me unable to walk in the morning,”

“Well, I already knew that,” said Loran, gently biting Rowan’s earlobe, “You’ve always made your...uh appreciation...for rough sex very clear, very loudly,”

Rowan's face turned a soft pink, “It’s not my fault I get loud! If anything it’s yours, asshole!”

Lorcan laughed at him, “Anything else?”

Rowan bit his lip and looked away, a bashful smile on his face.

“I love it when you call me beautiful,”

Lorcan swore his heart stilled with how much adoration he felt right then.

“You are beautiful,”

Rowan’s blush deepened and Lorcan couldn’t help but claim his lips in a searing kiss.

#rowan whitethorn #rowan x lorcan #gavriel #the cadre #throne of glass #throne of glass fanfiction #lorcan salvaterre #vaughan #maeve #rorcan #rowcan #soulmate au

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fenrys-moonbeam-lochan · 5 years ago

Text

Soulmate AU 1.0: My love is worth so much more (part 2)

You can read part 1 here

part 3

part 4

ao3 Link

It takes years for Lorcan to figure that out though.

XXX

The arrow sailed through the air, aim true. The target instantly crumpled to the ground.

Vaughan swooped down and changed back to his human form.

“Nice Shot,” said Vaughan

“Thank you,” said Lorcan, poking the man with his foot. He was dead.

“That was the last of them, I think,” said Vaughan

“Yes, we are done a day early,” said Lorcan, “Maeve will be pleased,”

Vaughan nodded. Maeve had discovered a traitorous group in Doranelle, creating issues and breaking laws. Not trusting anyone else, she had sent both her soulmates to get the job done.

“Let’s go back,” said Lorcan, holding out his arm. The cleanup team would deal with the mess

Vaughan smiled at him, making small little warmth bloom in Lorcan’s chest. He loved it when Vaughan smiled.

Arms linked together, they headed back toward the mansion. When they got close, Loracn spotted someone at the garden of the mansion and nudged Vaughan.

“Does that look a little familiar?”

The boy had long blonde hair. He was casually but nicely and seemed to be waiting for something at the start of the garden.

Vaughan smiled, “He seems to be in better shape than we were,”

Lorcan let out a chuckled and the boy turned around at the sound.

Vaughan hummed, “Does he not look a little like the lion shifters?”

The lion shifters. A land-owning family who had refused to be a part of Doranell’s oligarchy. Lorcan knew Maeve was still a little perturbed over it.

“Hello there,” said Vaughan as they got closer to the small. Lorcan stayed quiet, studying him. The boy could not have been more than 12 years old. He seemed healthy and stood with a confident posture. What struck Lorcan the most was the look in his eyes, wise beyond his years, an old soul.

“I am Gavriel,”

XXX

“Go to his parents,” was the first thing Maeve ordered, “Take him out to the garden. I have to prepare for the meeting with them,”

The order was not specified but one nod from Vaughan was all it took for Lorcan to understand his intention. In the time it took to Maeve to turn back to the study, Vaughan was already flying out the window. Lorcan quietly guided the young boy out toward the gardens.

“Can I touch your hand?” said the little boy

Lorcan hesitated. Maeve had not touched the young boy and there was a very good chance that he was their soulmate. She must have had a reason to wait.

“Maybe not yet,” Lorcan told him

Gavriel’s shoulders slumped a little. Lorcan felt his chest tighten. Somehow he could kill and torture and taunt adults without thought yet hated upsetting a young child.

Children are innocent though.

He tried to find something to say but could not think of anything. He was not the best in social situations. He would usually let his quiet companion lead and then pick up the slack once Vaughan got tired of speaking and he knew the direction the conversation was going.

What would Vaughan do? He thought back to their earlier interaction. Maybe a simple question to start with.

“How old are you Gavriel,” said Lorcan as they walked the small paths between the gardens

“I am eleven,” said Gavriel, “How old are you?”

“I am twenty-five and Vaughan is twenty-two,”

“What about Lady Maeve?”

Lorcan smiled, “Much older than us, child,”

Gavriel nodded and turned his eyes toward the greenery in the garden, “What flower is that?”

Startled at the change of subject, it took a few seconds for Lorcan to respond However, he was glad for it. Lorcan had learned early on about every flower in Maeve’s gardens and while not his favourite thing, he could certainly talk about them.

They had only gotten through half of the garden when Vaughan came landed close to them.

“Lord and Lady Liath are inside,” said Vaughan, “We are wanted in the study,”

Lorcan nodded and before he could say anything, Gavriel was already turning around, getting ready to go back. However, he wasn’t walking, still waiting for them.

Lorcan smiled inwardly. A bright child. Oh, this would be fun, that is, if he was their soulmate.

The walk to the study was quick. Once there, Lorcan and Vaughan took their places behind Maeve’s chair while Gavriel went to stand beside his parents. His mother, with the same golden hair, blue and eyes and sharp features, instantly took his hand drew his closer to her, as if to protect. Lord Liath, also golden-haired but features significantly stronger, also sat up straight, looking over the two warriors as if to analyse them. Lorcan and Vaughan made themselves straight and impassive, giving nothing away.

“Lord and Lady Liath,” said Maeve, “Lovely for you to come all this way,”

“What is this about Lady Maeve,” said Lord Liath, “Surely this is not because my son accidentally trespassed,”

“Oh, no no,” assured Maeve, “I believe that Gavriel is out soulmate,”

The silence that filled the room was thick. Lorcan could not see Maeve’s face but he from the smugness rolling off of her, he could guess what it looked like. On the other hand, he had a full view of the Liaths’ expressions. Lady Liath looked as if she was trying very hard to not gouge someone’s eyes out. Lord Liath was trying at looking impassive but his anger could be seen underneath the mask of clam. Gavriel looked understanding and curious at the same time. The boy probably knew about some of the tension between Maeve and his parents.

“Are you sure,” said Lord Liath

“None of us touched him,” said Maeve, “But it will only take a second to prove or disapprove the theory. May I?”

Maeve held out her hand and after a tense moment of silence, Lady Liath nudged her son toward her. Maeve shook Gavriel’s hand, resulting in a soft light emitting from their hips.

Maeve smiled and before he knew it, Lorcan was kneeling in front of the boy, taking his hand away from Maeve and activating their own band.

There was a small silence in the room and Lorcan knew if he turned around he would see surprise etched on Vaughan’s face. He rarely stepped out of line like this, especially in front of Maeve.

Later he would blame it on the excitement of finding another soulmate but for now, he was using all his energy to shove down the urge to grab Gavriel and get the child out of there.

What the hell?

Instead of giving in to the odd feeling, he turned to Vaughan, “Your turn,”

XXX

Lorcan laughed as the lion tackled him into the ground and continued licking him, making his hair wet.

“Stop! Stop!” he laughed, “That tickles, Gav!”

Gavriel finally let up but instead of moving away, he curled up on Lorcan’s chest.

That was how Vaughan found them later. Laying on the grass with Gavriel’s lion head on Lorcan’s chest and Lorcan’s fingers running through his mane.

It was a peaceful night.

XXX

Lorcan was just finishing his reports when the slam of a door and loud talking had him peaking out of the window. From there Lorcan had a clear view of the path from the door to the gate, which the Liath’s and Gavriel were walking down. Lady Liath was waving her hands, saying something to her husband

Just as they went out of sight, the door opened and Vaughan slipped into the room.

“What was that about?”

Vaughan sighed and plopped down beside him, “They don’t like Maeve’s training regime.

“Why not?”

“They say it’s too harsh,”

“It worked for us,” said Lorcan

Vaughan shrugged and laid his head on Lorcan’s shoulder, “You have to admit though, it could get pretty brutal,”

Lorcan hummed, “We turned out fine though. You know the Liath’s don’t trust Maeve’s judgement,”

“True,” said Vaughan, “But-but just because she’s our soulmate doesn't mean her judgement is always sound,”

Lorcan rolled his eyes and moved to face Vaughan, “We’re talking about training for god’s sake. We didn’t have anyone else to train us so Maeve did it. Gavriel has his parents so they’ll keep training him. It’s as simple as that,”

After a moment Vaughan nodded and put his head back on Lorcan’s shoulder, “Right,”

XXX

Lorcan made his way through the streets to the large house at the end of the lane. In all the years since they had discovered Gavriel as their soulmate, Lorcan had never once stepped foot in the Liath residence.

He had gotten a message, telling him to come to the residence. The note had been delivered while he was on a campaign and he got the feeling that no one else was to know about it.

For reasons he could not understand, he had kept it from everyone and had only made his way to the place when he had been sure Maeve would not know.

He had to admit, there was a small thrill in doing something Maeve might not approve of.

The door instantly opened at his knock, revealing Gavriel’s oldest brother.

“They’re in their room. Here, I’ll show you,”

Lorcan was confused. Why would the two want him in their room? Especially considering they barely knew each other.

The answer became apparent as soon as he stepped into the room. The scent of sickness was strong, leading him to the pair curled up on the bed. They both seemed to be asleep for now. Noth their golden hair was matted with sweat and seemed dull. Their faces devoid of any light and bodies seemed to have thinned.

“Soulmate sickness,” murmured the young lord, ‘They’re not sure which one it is, though I suppose it does not matter. At their age and how fast it came on, they’re going to die anyway,”

Lorcan winced at the defeated tone of voice. The Lord and Lady had not been seen in public for a while. Having given over their responsibilities to their oldest son, Lorcan had figured they were just enjoying their retirement away from prying eyes. Gavriel had not said anything either. But this...

Soulmate sicknesses were a category of sickness, including the plague, red and black fever that resulted in both soulmates getting the illness and making each other worse. It could be treated sometimes but like soulmates could share strength when they shared a sickness, they made each other worse, resulting in a doomed loop. It was something no one deserved to go through.

A shuffle from the bed pulled his attention to the two figures.

“Mama. Papa” whispered their son, as he stepped closer to the bed, “Lorcan Salvaterre is here with you,”

There was a small mutter from the bed and the young Lord smiled at Lorcan, “Come a little closer and you can talk to them. I will be outside,”

“Lord Liath,” said Lorcan as he knelt beside the bed, “Lady Liath. What can I do for you today?”

Lady Liath opened her mouth and was instantly hit by a coughing fit. Lorcan looked around and spotted the water sitting on her night table. He helped her sit up and drink. Once she was done, he leaned her against the headboard and took her hand.

“Was there something you wanted to say to me?” He said softly. Gentility was not in his nature, but by God, if he wasn’t going to try.

It wasn’t the last that answered but the Lord with a soft raspy, “Protect him,”

Surprised, Lorcan could only stare at him, “What?”

“Protect him,” said Lord Liath, this time clearer and fiercer.

It wasn’t that Lorcan didn't understand what they were saying. It was quite normal to want your children to be looked after when you left this world. However, the intense look in their eyes, the fact that he was the only one here, it made him think that they had something else in mind.

But what?

“Promise us,” said Lady Liath, “Promise us you’ll protect our baby, from anything and everything.

Lorcan found himself nodding because he might not understand what these two were trying to say but it was easy to promise Gavriel’s protection. The bright soul that Lorcan adored.

“I promise,” he whispered

Seemingly satisfied the two nodded and sagged into the bed, their eyes already closing due to the little exertion. Lorcan stood up and covered the two nobles properly and left the room.

Gavriel’s brother was waiting for him and quietly walked him to the door.

There really wasn’t anything to say.

XXX

“You’ll be whipping him,” said Maeve, handing the whip to Gavriel, “A hundred lashes,”

“What?” said Gavriel

“It’s okay,” said Maeve, “I don’t like treating my soulmates any different than the others in my ranks. However, where most are punished by superiors, I have you punished by each other,”

Gavriel was still standing there looking surprised. Vaughan and Lorcan gave each other subtle looks behind their backs. When they were young the punishments had been watching each other to make sure they ran the right amount of laps or that they stood in the corner for the right amount of hours. As they had grown the punishments had changed to fit their age. They were used to it but Gavriel who had chosen to serve in his parents’ personal guard until their death had neven been subjected to them.

“Maeve,” said Vaughan, stepping up “I’m used to such punishments. Maybe I should do this one and Gavriel can watch and learn. After all, he’s been under his parents’ supervision until recently,”

Maeve cared for them, they knew that. But she had a temper and sometimes it required for them to work together and find ways to appease her that didn’t make the situation worse.

And by the look on Gavriel’s face, he was definitely about to make the situation worse. There had been a mistake made and someone had to be punished. They would have to explain that to Gavriel later.

However, If Vaughan could convince her...

“Very well,” said Maeve, “Vaughan you can give him his lashes. I know a hundred is more than you are used to but you are not young children anymore. I’m sure you can take it,”

Vaughan nodded and took his place by Lorcan’s kneeling body. Gavriel stood in front of the oldest make to watch.

As the whip started to come down, the look on Gavriel’s face made him look away.

He would spend the rest of the night trying to erase it from memory.

XXX

Lorcan clutched Gavriel’s hand as he cried int Vaughan’s shoulder.

He hated how much this had become a familiar sight. It had been the same when his parents had died, his oldest brother and then his other brother and now his niece too.

“I’m the last one now,” whispered Gavriel, “They’re all gone,”

Genevieve Liath had never had any children and with extended family being a little too extended, Gavriel really was the last Liath left in Doranelle. It happened sometimes, even in the noble families. The blood died out with every death until it was practically non-existent, except for that one individual who had not found their soulmate yet and had to watch as their family dwindled into nothing.

From the Liath’s of Doranelle, Gavriel was that person.

Lorcan and Vaughan looked at each other over Gavriel’s shaking shoulders. There was nothing they could do about the grief, nothing anybody could do. But they could be here.

“Hey Gavriel,” said Lorcan, gently tugging him close, “We can’t make this better but I promise you something. You will never be alone, not as long as we’re here. Never. Okay?”

Gavriel nodded and buried himself in their arms.

As Lorcan recalled the last conversation he had had with Gavriel’s parents, he wondered if this is what they had meant.

XXX

Maeve clinked her glass, capturing their attention. Gavriel and Vaughan stopped waiting and Lorcan put down his water to give her his full attention.

“A toast,” she said softly, “To us,”

“To us,” they repeated, gulping down their wine.

The moon was beautiful that night and so were their smiles.

XXX

Lorcan plopped down on the bar and gestured to the bartender for his usual.

“Alone today?” she asked

He gave her a grin, “For now,”

She laughed and he knocked back his drink, picked up his second and surveyed the room. The place was usually frequented by the elite warriors of Doranelle, and most of them came here after a long day, their voices quiet and demeanours calm. It was one of the reasons he liked this place. Much better than the loud, energetic places Gavriel liked to go to.

He turned to order another drink but she was already putting another one down. He looked at her questioningly and she tilted her head toward the end of the bar. Lorcan looked over and spotted the telling Silver hair of the Whitethorn family.

Rowan Whitethorn.

After a moment of consideration, Lorcan picked up the drink and saluted the other man before knocking it back. By the time he put the glass back, Rowan was already sliding into the stool beside.

“Hi. I’m-”

Lorcan cuts him off, “Trust me. I know who you are, Little Hawk,”

Rowan grinned, “And everyone knows who you are Mr Salvaterre. However, I've been told it’s polite to introduce yourself when you meet someone, especially if you’re hoping for that someone to ravish you the rest of the night,”

Lorcan grinned and leaned back, “Oh?”

The man was just not beautiful but forward to. A wonderful combination

Despite what he had said earlier, Lorcan had not actually come here looking for a bed partner but he wasn’t aversed to the company, especially if the company was as gorgeous as Rowan Whitethorn.

Lorcan held out his hand, “In that case, I’m Lorcan Salvaterre,”

“I’m Rowan Wh-” before the Rowan finish, their hands touched and there was a small flare of light emitting from both their marks.

“Holy Shit,” muttered the bartender. Around them, everybody started cheering

Lorcan didn’t know what it was, maybe the little alcohol in their bodies or the newly made bond but before he knew, he and Rowan were both leaning in and slotting their lips together in a passionate kiss. Rowan’s hands ended up in his hair and his own hands were stroking the skin under his clothes.

When they came up for air, the patrons were still cheering and the bartender showed them a key.

“Would you two like a room,” she said, with a mischievous smile

Lorcan looked at Rowan, his dishevelled hair and now red lips and the heavy way he was breathing. Not to mention the clear lust in his eyes.

He turned back to her and grinned, “Why not?”

#lorcan salvaterre #throne of glass #throne of glass fanfiction #SJM #sjmaas #sjm fandom #vaughan #gavriel #rowan whitethorn #rowan x lorcan #rowcan #rorcan

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