#rook's nonsense

[egophiliac]

"IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE" As someone who's been playing TWST since march and stopped going out of my way to be spoilerfree after I got stuck at Overblott!Jamil? That's honestly been one of my favorite things about it - seeing something in fanart or a comment you think is just fans joking, only for it to be canon. "The economy!", "May I also throw a tantrum?", Malleus' gargoyle thing, and... everything about Rook being my top examples.

there's a whole bit in Trey's platinum birthday card where he goes on about how he became increasingly obsessed with mustard for like a week straight until the other students held an intervention. how are you supposed to talk about this. how can you bring up something like Trey's descent into mustard obsession to the point that the other characters are worried for him without it sounding like the most obvious lolrandom "he mentioned it once and now fandom acts like he puts mustard in everything" joke. also, how can I slip this into every Twst post from now on, because I need everyone in the world to know that this is a real canon fact about Trey "I'm just an average normal guy (who sticks my hands into people's mouths and owns 20 toothbrushes and used to eat flowers off the side of the road)" Clover.

for bonus points, 1) the punchline is that he still doesn't even like mustard that much, 2) he's saying all of this to Leona, and 3) Leona is actually kind of invested in Trey's mustard story for some reason, which is the most unbelievable part of all of this to be honest. (then Trey gets distracted by a painting of the Cheshire Cat and Leona takes the opportunity to powerwalk away to freedom before they can start talking about dijon versus spicy brown or whatever and extend this bit even longer)

[mrsrookhunt]

Epel: SOMEBODY COME GITTT HERRR SHE'S DANCING LIKE A STRIPPERRRR

Yuu: *gently vibing*

Rook/Malleus: *bursting in the door* WHERE?!?

Epel: See, I told ya we could lure 'em in if we tried.

[crowinkwriting]

Rook: [Exists]

Spite:

Lucanis:

[doraingrid]

we are so back

tarot card wips for Lucanis and my rook Chiara de Riva do you hear that? it's the sound of a new hyperfixation creeping around the corner

[rooksunday]

thire gets the idea after watching a group on the senate rotunda during another long shift. he brings it to fox when fox is too tired to find a reason to say no. uggggh leave me to perish is basically an enthusiastic yes, in fox speak.

thire’s next stop is thorn.

“‘guided tours’?” thorn repeats, like the words are the name of a virulent strain of space flu. “tours of what? you know commander fox won’t have natborns in the barracks. he barely lets vode in.”

thire waved his hands dismissively. “not here. the city. the upper levels. the mids and the quarters.”

“but we don’t know anything about those places. what are you going to tell them? ‘here is where a senator threw their coffee on me.’ ‘one time i petted a tooka down this street.’”

that thorn was simply refusing to see the genius of thire’s plan was an affront. thire perched on the edge of thorn’s desk and folded his arms across his chest. he kicked thorn gently on his shin guard.

“the natties are visiting for the day, thorn. maybe a few days. but that’s all. they don’t know anything about coruscant! they’re kriffin’ coruscant shinies.” thire tilted his bucket in a grin. “you know shinies pretty much believe anything we tell ‘em. just gotta say it right.”

thire had been promoted to commander because he had the commander voice locked cold.

thorn spun his seat from one side to the other slightly as he thought. he hummed under his breath.

“we could offer one tour a day, in shiny armour. meet a group, walk them around for an hour taking osik, what are they gonna know different?” thire added, not quite wheedling.

“and you’ll be charging for this?” thorn asked.

“of course.”

thorn stopped spinning. he nodded once and held out his hand. “let me look at the rates.”

thire gestured broadly to the statue of the torgruta behind him. “and this is the original founded of bolo-ball. she was banned from playing on three worlds after dirty tackles—very gory, don’t let your kids see—and that’s why all torgruta have to wear padding on their montrals. now if you’ll follow me to—“

“excuse me—“

“—just this way, mind the speeder—“

“excuse me that’s not right—“

thire glanced at the droid following him, who had been earwigging during his tour. he gestured for his group to go ahead and waited for the droid to catch up.

“you don’t pay, you don’t get to comment,” thire said flatly.

“but your facts are incorrect!” the droid protested.

thire sighed. “they’re the facts as i know ‘em., pal. got a problem, take it up with the guild.”

coruscant had a guild of tour guides. couldn’t exhale on the blasted planet without someone charging.

“i am with the guild!” the droid said. “i’m observing your tour as part of the registration confirmation.”

kriff.

thire shifted in place. “i—“

“and for a reasonable fee of 5% net, i will gladly endorse your tour, trooper,” the droid said, proffering the pad it was holding. “coruscant rewards initiative and entrepreneurship! if you’ll sign here?”

thire grinned behind the protection of his shiny bucket. he took the pad and signed with a flourish—thank you, commander grizzer—then returned it to the droid.

“i think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship,” thire said.

[the-broken-truth]

Twisted Wonderland Nonsense [5]: The Prefect's Side Hustle

Note: [Male Yuu With Tall Muscular Build]

Rook: Trickster! (Walking over to the First-Years' Table during Lunchtime) I require your services once again, Mon Créateur!

Yuu (Looking up from his food): What can I do for you, Rook?

Rook (Dramatically): Your previous work was splendid, tout simplement magnifique! I am in dire need of those services once again to magnify the beauty that is Roi Du Poison! Will you aid me, Trickster?!

Yuu (Wiping his mouth with a napkin): Depends. What do you need to be done and when do you need it done? Depending on these factors will determine how much I am going to charge you.

Rook (Pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket and hands it to Yuu): Here, Mon Trickster! This is the visage Roi Du Poison has!

Yuu (Looking at the picture - holding it to wear the others can't see it): This can be done, but I need at least 3 weeks to get this done and I will charge at least 10,000 Thaumarks for this.

Ace & Deuce (Jaw Dropping): 10,000 Thaumarks?!

Rook (Smiling): Of course, Trickster, such a cheap price for your services! The time frame is most convenient as well! Do you wish to be paid in full now or upon completion?!

Yuu (Folds the paper and puts in it in his pocket): I'll take half as a deposit and the other half upon completion. In Cash, please.

Rook: Of Course, Mon Créatif Trickster! I shall be around Ramshackle after schooling is done with the first installment! Until then, Au revoir! (Walks away)

[Ace & Deuce look towards Yuu, who decided to go back to his food as if that didn't just happen.]

Rook (Bursts into Ramshackle with an envelope in hand): Mon Trickster! I have arrived!

You (Sitting on the sofa - a small cash box on the table in front of him on the table): Just on time, Rook; do you have the deposit amount we agreed on?

Rook (Handing Yuu the envelope): Of course!

[Yuu opens the envelope, pulls out the stack of cash, and starts counting in while Ace and Deuce are watching with wide eyes.]

Yuu: This is the correct amount. I'll get started tonight and have it done in 3 weeks or soon. If you want to make any changes, let me know; just know that it's going to cost you extra.

Rook: Of course, that is only fair! Until next time, Trickster! (Leaves Ramshackle with a smile)

[Ace and Deuce watch as Yuu opens the Cash Box, which is already overflowing with cash, and puts the new money in before locking it after forcing it down.]

Yuu: I'm gonna need a new cash box.

[2 Weeks & 3 Days Later]

Rook: You finished it already, Mon Trickster! You are truly a wonder!

Yuu (Pulls the sheet off the body mannequin - revealing a very elegant outfit in Pomefiome's Colors): Thoughts?

Rook (Examining the outfit from all angles): MAGNIFIQUE! SPLENDIDE! UN DÉTAIL TELLEMENT ÉLÉGANT ! PAS UN SEUL ÉTIREMENT MALPLACE ! CECI EST LA PERFECTION! LE ROI DU POISON VA ADORER CELA ! MERCI, MON CRÉATIF TRICKSTER!!!

Yuu: Glad you approve. May I have my payment so I can package the outfit for you?

Rook (Hands Yuu another envelope): Here you are, Trickster!

[Yuu counts the money, removes the outfit carefully from the mannequin before folding it and packing it in an air-tight plastic bag before handing it to Rook.]

Yuu: A pleasure doing business with you, Rook.

Rook: With you as well, Trickster! Hopefully, we can do business again soon. Until then. (Leaves Ramshackle)

Ace:...

Deuce:...

Yuu (Counting Cash): Yeah, Papa Crewel taught me about fashion and sewing. Clothes aren't the only things I make.

Deuce: What else?

Yuu: I have...other wares.

[END]

[americankimchi]

picked a flirt option for the first time in game and even after all these years Ye Olde Bioware Romantic Dialogue Cringe still feels the same as it always does :'3

[pandoa]

rook hunt is ripped with muscles and here's why

because some of you guys don't give him enough credit and my brain is rotting; let me live

i'll get straight to the point, i've tried out archery to see what it's like in the past—learned the basics and such—and for those who have never held a bow in their life, let me tell you it gets extremely tiring after shooting for more than an hour or so. so imagine how strong you must be to be shooting bows and arrows since you were a child. that is Rook Hunt, who was practically born from the womb with an archery set in his hand /j

bows have different draw weights that affect the speed, force, and distance that is needed to shoot an arrow. typically, children use bows with a 10-pound draw weight, as young adults and adults use bows with 20 pounds or more. to put this into some sort of perspective, i remember my stamina with the 20-pound bow lasted me about half an hour until my arms began to weaken and shake with how out-of-shape i am but anyways 💀

i've heard that the typical draw weight for hunting is about 40 pounds. and assuming with how long Rook has been an archer, i can imagine that he is physically well-fit enough to exceed the 20-pound draw weight and move onto more efficient bows for hunting like the 40-pound.

think about how developed your muscles must be if you began shooting with 10-pound bows since you were just a kid, moving onto 20 pounds as you get older, and eventually using the 40-pound draw weight as you gain more strength and hunting skills. knowing with how much Rook uses his bows and arrows, it's safe to assume that he most likely hones these skills by practicing archery quite often (i can see him going out to practice at least once a day; don't quote me on that though, this is just a thought i have considering that other hobbies also require daily practice to maintain a person's skill).

there are so many muscles involved in a human body's shoulders, back, chest, and arms that you must use when drawing a bow. exercises focusing on the muscles needed for archery are often done to strengthen an archer. this is where Rook's very toned figure comes in lol.

with the numerous muscles needed to carry out his hobby on a constant basis, Rook would need a strong set of biceps and shoulder muscles to keep up with the bow's general weight and stamina for however long he goes out hunting for. bro has built up muscles, man. built up muscles.

in game, though, i will admit his body does look on the more slim and slender side. i can see why some people in the fandom don't see him as a character with buff arms, but i would like to respectfully disagree. Rook Hunt has scrumptious arm and back muscles i'd shamelessly stare at as his magic hands do whatever wonderous things they do with his bow OH AND GUYS HIS LEGS I MEAN-

ahem. anyways.

i know many in the fandom tend to bully this observant hunter—with his questionable haircut and uh huntsman habits of his—however, these targets for harmless memes cannot overshadow the fact that Rook Hunt is ripped. from head to toe, this man is most likely relatively high among the list of twst characters that are incredibly strong (with Jack trumping them all) and is probably covered in toned muscles, which he maintains with his hunting.

this isn't even me simping anymore; it's just simple logic if we all go by what we know about the Pomefiore vice housewarden. i'll defend this man with my life—and that includes writing a useless essay on why Rook is more muscular and buff than we may think lmao

so in conclusion, Rook has beefy arms that the world is not prepared to talk about just yet. the end.

[twstjam]

I thought that this cropped screenshot of a convo with one of my friends looked like an incorrect quote/meme template so I edited it into a few scenarios

POV: your bestie Cater is about to set you up on a blind date

Alternate POV: your bestie Sebek is about to set you up on a blind date with his boss who is a celebrity and heir to a rich family but you are somehow blissfully unaware of this fact and your life unknowingly turns into a romcom

Alternate POV 2: your bestie? friend? acquaintance? colleague? do you even know this guy? is about to set you up on a blind date with someone who turns out to be a fucking supermodel

[gensou-rakuen]

Yuusona reveal⁉️

I spent too much time designing her school uniform that I couldn't come up with anything for her other outfit and it looks kinda boring 💔

Let's also pretend her face looks remotely similar in both pictures...

I've noticed that even though a lot of twst fans also like black butler, I don't really see many goth lolita or ouija inspired Yuusonas? It's such a good concept, especially for all the Malleyuu shippers because I'm convinced Malice Mizer or Versailles was thought about by Toboso at least once while designing him...

It might just be the vkei brainrot I guess 😭

If someone can get who I ship Yuu with then I'll post art of the light music club as a vkei band 😈‼️

[fungifanart]

I completely, 100% forgot to mention that my Miitopia access key is 48K3TDL in case any of y'all are interested in adding any of these based (cursed) creations to your game.

[optiwashere]

Going to combat today's anxiety with Dragon Age, more food than I should really eat, and an outlining sesh for a few chapters of Blades in the Night.

[msviolacea]

Random shitpost, still behind the cut because technically a spoiler.

The whole "Rook imprisoned in the Fade" thing has so many layers that are actually worth exploring, many of them about the difference between spirits and mortals and the ability to feel emotional nuance and there's a three thousand word essay in there somewhere, but my very first instinct when stalking up to Solas in the middle of a ruined Minrathous during the final run was to look him dead in the eye and go "You couldn't escape a prison of regret without manipulation and betrayal? Skill issue, motherfucker."

[bearlytolerant]

Btw I know Iris baby is going to Thedas. She’s gonna love it there.

[vaguely-concerned]

I haven't decided what faction I want my character to be from in veilguard yet, I Need More Information before I can definitively make a call. but I must admit the siren song of rocking fifth house style disturbingly no-nonsense chill in the face of horror swag with the mourn watch is very loud and potent. speakers to the dead (and the dead are savage) vibes are so strong and so tempting

[xxfillerxx]

The X factor and "insert country's" got talent would like to differ...