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[remiserostudio]

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[focsle]

The insta stories of my devastating logbook journey. You’ll have to pause to read them, otherwise transcript below:

[Slide 1 shows an excerpt of an 1856 journal entry.

My commentary: 2am on a work night shedding a tear over another whaling lad’s journal instead of sleeping. I’m your reader, William!!!

Transcript of William’s words: Here I am scribbling nonsense when I should be engaged in the more useful occupation of washing out some very dirty clothes of which I am the happy owner so with the permission of the reader if I am so fortunate as to have one I will once more haul taut and belay.

Slide 2: Another excerpt of his journal.

Me: That last entry followed him getting sentimental about NYC, which he left for New Bedford to go a’whalin.

William: Glorious Island City! When wearily plodding thy pavements I may have mentioned thy name with contempt and dissatisfaction, but here under the line when thousands upon thousands of miles of ocean are rolling between us I think with pride that I am one of thy sons.

Slide 3: Another excerpt.

Me: Home again…time to continue with William’s journal. The months in he says,

William: “A life on the ocean wave and a home on the bounding deep!” has been so far a very pleasant one and in fact I would almost say the happiest of my whole life.

Me: Concerned 4 him.

Slide 4: Excerpt from his journal, showing a very earnest looking ink drawing of a dog’s head in profile.

Me: The captain has a terrier on board named Diamond. I wonder if this is Diamon.

Slide 5: Excerpt from journal showing a wobbly drawn banner with the words ‘There’s a good time coming!’ in it.

Me: I LOVE HIM…

Slide 6: Blank slide with just my commentary.

Me: Nooooo what the fuck this is the worst possible outcome I’ve had for a logbook yet I’M GOING TO CRY… The conclusion follows…

Slide 7: Excerpt from his logbook of a paragraph written in a much tighter, neater hand.

Me: The handwriting abruptly changed with a note from the captain reporting that he DIED. Transcript follows.

Slide 8: The captain’s words:

Lost in April, about the 13th /57

Bark Wave. The day before he was lost he was in the cabin a waiting for me he was well to all appearance. It is strange to me however that he had a fight the night before he was lost. The man that he fought with was the first that reported his lost, and he was the last man that saw him living. I hope to see some of his friends some day. William D Buel was a Good Boy and tried to please.

Capt Leonard W. Hill

Slide 9: Another lightly penciled note from the captain.

Captain: “A letter will find me at no 5 William st New Bedford. I should like for his friends to know all about him this is his book and if ever called for by his folks to be given to them. - Leonard W. Hill.”

Slide 10: Another excerpt of William’s journal.

William: Anyone taking the trouble to read this—

Me: I was your reader William and it was not a trouble at all it was a tremendous delight and I am so sad for you 164 years later.

Slide 11: An image from his journal of a delicate drawing of four horses pulling a carriage.

Me: Right well…that devastated me!! The end!!

Slide 12: An excerpt from his journal of the lyrics to the shanty Coast of Peru.

Me: Oh geez wait after many blank pages he had written whaling songs in the back...rip my heart out. I know this one…maybe I’ll do a shanty recording of it, for him.

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

One Shot: Phobias 

Summary: Katie encounters an enemy FAR WORSE than anything she’s seen before. Can Steve saver her before it’s too late?

Pairings: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Warnings: Language, Spiders, and a little bit of fluff

A/N: So this is a little one shot/drabble that came to me after my husband saved my life from a monster in the bathroom...

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Chapter 7

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

“SSSSTEEEEEEEEEVE!” 

The scream made the glass of water in Steve’s hand slip to the point he almost dropped it. Placing it down with a slam on the coffee table he stood up and bolted down the hall towards his bathroom only to be met by Katie, who was in her bra and denim shorts hurtling towards him.

“What is it?” He frowned, instantly placing himself between her and the bathroom, looking at the door.

“In there.” She muttered, and as her hands gripped at his hips he could feel her shaking behind him.

“Someone’s in there?” He looked over his shoulder and down at her.

She shook her head, stuttering a little in fear.  “I… just… I can’t…”

Steve was really puzzled now. Not a lot phased Katie Stark. She had fought alongside him in the battle of New York, facing off against God Knows how many Aliens. The year before she had tackled the Mandarin with her brother, then there was Loki in the Desert, countless missions with SHIELD, so what on Earth had got her so petrified, in his bathroom no less,  that she was trembling behind him?

“Stay here.” He instructed, gently before he crept forward and stepped to the bathroom. The door was wide open and he could see or hear nothing. Frowning he looked behind the door, in the tall cupboard that housed his toiletries, towels, bedsheets etc… all clear. He was just about to ask her what the fuck was going on when a movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He glanced into the shower cubicle and there was the culprit.

“Jesus Christ sweetheart.” He groaned, with a somewhat exasperated sigh as he looked at the spider. “You nearly gave me a heart attack. I thought someone had broken in and was about to kill you.”

“Something did break in!” She squeaked back, still from her spot in the hall “It’s gonna eat me!” Steve rolled his eyes to himself. It was nothing more than a house spider. A fairly big one, he had to admit, but utterly harmless. Nevertheless, he knew Katie was petrified of the damned things. She had admitted to him post an incident with one on a Quinjet that she had woken up when she was three with one on her face and had been scared witless of them ever since.

“Katie, it’s not gonna hurt you.” he reasoned.

“I don’t care!” her voice was high pitched “Incy Wincy fucking Gorilla needs to leave” That did make him laugh. “Okay, Okay.” His chuckles died down. “I’ll sort it. Don’t panic.” Luckily for her, spiders fascinated Steve. He had always found their webs a thing of beauty, and in the army had often wandered the woods early in the morning to see them speckled with dew in the growing light of the sunrise or frost in the winter, sketching the particularly intricate ones he found. He bent down, scooped the arachnid in to his hands careful to keep it enclosed and headed back into the hall. “Where is..is it IN YOUR HANDS?” She shrieked, eyes wide as she backed away from him. “Why didn’t you kill it?” “I’m not gonna kill it!” he said, shaking his head “It isn’t his fault you’re scared of him.” “But…”

“Honey, it’s fine, I’m gonna let it go outside!” He tried hard not to laugh at the sheer look of disgust and horror on her face. “Just open the door for me ok?”

“Outside outside or like the hall way outside?” She said, looking at him. He paused for a moment, he had been thinking just the hall- it was a house spider after all. But he could hear her reaction already- I’ll just come back under the door…

“Outside outside.” he confirmed, and her shoulders visibly sagged as she exhaled and headed to the doorway. She opened it, then backed away from him to let him out. Giving her a smile he headed outside, spider safely contained in his cupped hands as he headed down the stairs to the main door of his apartment block. Using his foot to keep the door jarred open, he stooped down and gently let the spider go. It scurried off and he wiped his hands on his jeans before he took the three flights back up to his floor two steps at a time. Katie was in the kitchen, still in her bra and shorts, a glass of water in her hand. He leaned in the doorway looking at her for a moment, smile playing on his lips. Even when she was being absurd he loved her.

“You can stop looking at me like that.” she said to him. 

“Like what?”

“Like you think I’m utterly ridiculous.

”Steve cut her off with a chuckle “You are utterly ridiculous.” he said, striding towards her to give her a hug. She let out a noise that was half chuckle, half groan as she pressed her face into his t-shirt. “But I love you, arachnophobia induced drama included.

”She stayed still, her cheek pressed into his chest as his hands gently held her close, palms warm on her bare back.

“Gonna go for my shower now.” She mumbled.

“Ok” he pressed a kiss to her head “You coming back out or going straight to bed?”

“Bed.”

“Alright, I won’t be far behind you.”

She smiled up at him, before she headed out of the room and he watched her go, her hips swaying gently as she walked. 

The water was hot as Katie stepped underneath it. She hated being that petrified of something as stupid as a spider, she really did. Logically she knew it was daft, they were so small in comparison to her. Tony had constantly told her whenever he had to rescue her from the eight-legged-freaks, ‘they’re more scared of you than you are of them’, but that was utter bollocks. Frankly, she’d take fighting off ten men single handed against dealing with one of them. 

With a sigh she washed her hair, turned the water off and then set about cleaning her teeth before she headed out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Steve was already in there and as she walked into the room he gently tossed a clean t-shirt onto the bed for her and she grinned. She loved sleeping in his shirts, for no reason other than they were his. And he loved the fact she loved to sleep in them for the same reason. He dropped a kiss to her cheek and told her he was going for a shower himself before he headed into the bathroom himself. She dried off, braided her hair before shrugging the T-shirt and settling down between the sheets of his bed. Steve returned a little under ten minutes later, chest speckled with drops of water he hadn’t dried off completely.

“Honey do you want a drink or anything?”

“No I’m good, Stevie, thanks.” She mumbled, eyes closed as she snuggled further into the bed. He dressed in a pair of sweats, leaving his chest bare- another thing he’d started doing since they’d been sharing a bed as Katie much preferred snuggling into him like that- and he began the usual routine of checking the doors and windows before he returned and slipped under the covers next to her. She let out a sigh and moved so that her head was lay on his chest, her hand gently tangling into the smattering of dark blonde hair that was there. He could tell she was wide awake, pondering something. 

“What’s the matter?” he asked gently.

“Do you think I’m a dumbass, you know, because of the whole…spider thing? I know it’s ridiculous, but...”

Steve took a deep breath and moved so that he was led on his side, facing her. She pouted at being jostled off his chest and he smiled at the look of indignation on her face as he tucked a stray hand of hair behind her ear.

“Clowns.” he said gently. 

“What? What has that got-“

“I hate them.” He gave a little shrug. “They freak me out. Big time. Can’t stand to look at them let alone be in the same room as them.” “So that’s why you don’t wanna watch IT.” She smiled softly “You’re scared of Clowns?” He nodded “Once when we were kids, there was a Carnival down at Coney. Bucky and I went in this like maze thing. Contained a load of mirrors and stuff…but the last room you went in was basically nothing but clowns, and you had no idea which one was the mirror and which one was the real thing.” He gave a shudder at the memory and he felt his girl’s hands warm on his chest. “Well, when the damned thing moved I had a complete melt down, asthma attack, you name it…”

“Why have you never told me this before?”

“Doesn’t do my Captain Badass image any good, does it?”

“And my spider phobia doesn’t do mine any good.” She chuckled a little. “Especially seeing as one of my best friend’s goes by the code name Black Widow.” He gave a little chuckle and wrapped his arms around her, as she turned over to get comfortable. He pulled her to him, her back pressing to his chest, and closed his eyes as he wrapped himself around her. She sighed, happy to bask in his warmth.

“Thank you for rescuing me” She mumbled and he gave a laugh that vibrated through his chest into her.

“Isn’t that what a man is supposed to do? Be his Dame’s Knight in shining armour?”

“Yeah but most Knights slay fire breathing dragons…” she said, before pausing slightly. “Oh God can u imagine? A fire breathing spider?”  she shivered.

 “Ok. Honey, now you’re being ridiculous again.” he said, eyes still closed. 

“Hey, for all we know it could exist, like in the deepest, depths of Peru somewhere, just hasn’t been discovered…”

“Well, lucky for us we aint in Peru.” he said with a sigh, as he dropped a soft kiss to the back of her neck. “Now go to sleep.” 

**** Chapter 8

[prettyoddfever]

Ryan Ross & his Z-A music recommendations

here’s a playlist with all of the songs

So there was a season in late 2008 & early 2009 where Ryan & Jon ran a blog to connect with P!ATD fans who had been complaining that we hadn’t heard from them in a billion days. Here are just the parts with Ryan’s music recommendations...

In December 2008 Ryan posted “Jon’s music post inspired me to try something, I’ll post the name of a song from one band for each letter of the alphabet, going backwards. Starting with the letter Z of course.” The italicized parts are Ryan’s comments:

The Zombies – Care of Cell 44

The Yardbirds – For Your Love (Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck, and Jimmy Page were in this band, crazy hmm?)

so I’ve run into a problem…Can’t think of any band or artist I listen to that begins with the letter X. Maybe you know of some? I’ll take your recommendations on this one.

We All Together - Cloudy Night (From Peru, and you can hear it. Such good tropical feel. I’ve been listening to the songs they’ve got on myspace now for a few months, impossible to find their albums anywhere, but I finally have! Amazon never lets me down. Anyway give them a listen)

The Who – I Can’t Explain (sure you can find this one just about anywhere. Put it on a mixtape for your next party. Or don’t, but I will)

looking through some comments alot of you suggested the band XTC for the letter X. Rob Mathes loves them, and they totally slipped my mind, he’d be ashamed. Someone also said “Xenon” referring to the Disney movie, which I was pretty obsessed with when it came out. But i looked it up and they actually spell it with a Z. I think the band in that movie was called Protazoa but I could be wrong. Onward, to V.

Velvet Underground – Candy Says (theres lots of good ones for V, Van Morrison, Van Dyke Parks.. But i’ve been listening to this band more lately, this self titled album in particular, but check out “Loaded” also, it’s louder)

Ukelele Ike- “I’m a bear in a lady’s boudoir” (Even Though his real name was Cliff Edwards he went by Ukelele Ike for quite sometime in his professional career. He sung such classics as “Singing in the Rain” and “When You Wish Upon a Star”. He was also the voice of Jiminy Cricket. Told you you’d know him. I picked this song though because of the lyrics, in the 1930s this stuff was considered to be pretty risque here’s the first verse:

“You may talk about your colleges, fair Harvard and old Yale, And all the universities who’s banners brave the gale, And all the football heroes, their glory and renown; I never went to college, but I know I’ve been to town. I may not be a football hero, But I’m a star with the beautiful girls; You never see me in the thick of a fight, ‘Cause I do my scoring mostly at night.” “I’m a bear in a ladies boudoir”)

The Troggs - Wild Thing (Now if this isn’t a party song, what is?)

The Turtles - Happy Together

Television - Venus

Smokey Robinson – Going to a Go-Go (Smokey sure has a voice doesn’t he?)

The Rolling Stones – Street Fighting Man (Seems just as relevant to me now as it could have in 1968. I’m pretty sure this is what rock and roll was supposed to sound like)

Queen – All Dead (Spence showed me this song sometime earlier this year, one I hadn’t heard and quickly became one of my favorites. Also our friend Eric recorded a cover of this, not sure if it’s going to be on the Black Gold album or not but they nailed it I think. Not an easy feat. Easy feat? That Looks and sounds strange).

Paul Simon – Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard (I was going to pick Phantom Planet, but the song I wanted to put wasn’t on seeqpod. Damn. If you want to look it up it’s called “I Don’t Mind”. Then my next song was called “She’s A Lover” by The Pretty Things. Also not on seeqpod. Find that one and you get 15 bonus points, from a point system that has no value or prize.)

Otis Redding – Shake (I put this on this morning, got me out of bed real quick)

Jon did the “N” recommendation, which was Nat King Cole – The Christmas Song

The Merseys – Sorrow (This song was covered by Bowie i’m pretty sure, and I think some others did it too..You can hear George Harrison singing a melody from this tune at the end of “It’s all Too Much” from Yellow Submarine if you listen real hard at the end).

Marc Bolan & T. Rex – Metal Guru (On my Itunes T.Rex/Marc Bolan has so many different names, they make us taking the exclamation point out mute. Marc Bolan. Tyrannosaurus Rex. T Rex. T. Rex. Marc Bolan and T. Rex. etc…But alas! So many great songs, I may have linked you to a playlist with two of them because I didn’t know which to put, so if you have 6 or so minutes, maybe try both)

Little Richard – Lucille (He was a lot of my favorite bands favorite)

The Kinks – Top of the Pops (I’m glad someone wrote a song this good about the music business)

The Kinks – Waterloo Sunset (The first time I went to Waterloo Station in England and took a train I put this on. Had to at least once right? 2 for the price of one! This band has about a million good songs, so do some digging if you’re digging.)

the next day: “whoops, K isn’t for Kinks. It’s for K-Fed. Thanks for the correction.”

John Lennon – Mind Games (This is one of my favorite songs right now, simply amazing. “Goddddddddd I mean how predictable blahhhh” I’ll save you the trouble on that comment.  Who are your J’s?)

The Isley Brothers- This Old Heart of Mine (Is Weak for You) (We covered “Shout” as performed by said brothers on our last tour maybe you saw it. Maybe not, either way we usually came to the conclusion that we should have just played that song 12 times instead of any of ours)

The Hollies – Bus Stop (The Hollies, another one of my favorite British acts, and another with more than a few handfulls of good songs. I’ll give you a handfull though cause I couldn’t pick one)

The Hollies – Carrie Anne

The Hollies – Pay You Back With Interest

Gary Glitter – Rock and Roll Part 1 (Alex showed me this stuff while we were on tour and its undeniably got “party” written all over it. Katy Perry should know. Or maybe she doesn’t even know. Maybe you can make a remix of her song and this one)

Gary Glitter – Do You Want to Touch Me?

Four Tops – Reach Out (I’ll Be There) (Some of the first music I can remember hearing as a kid was 60’s motown stuff, but I especially remember this song, “Reach Out”)

Four Tops – Seven Rooms of Gloom

The Fireman – Nothing Too Much Out of Sight (This album came out a few months ago, another Paul McCartney project, and this song in particular blows me away. Who knew someone in their 60’s could still sing like this?)

Elvis Presley – Don’t

Elton John – Goodbye Yellowbrick Road

Dion – The Wanderer (So good)

David Bowie – Oh! You Pretty Things

Cream – White Room (This may be their most famous song but still, maybe you all haven’t heard it before. I have a few more anyway)

The Cowsills – The Rain, The Park and Other Things (This one is a real classic, just makes you smile)

Chuck Berry – You Never Can Tell (Without this man much of the rock and roll music we all love would never have been the same)

Barret Strong – Money

The Beach Boys – Tears in the Morning

The Beatles – Happiness is a Warm Gun

Billy Joel – Allentown

Bob Dylan – I Want You

Buddy Holly – Raining in My Heart

The Byrds – Turn! Turn! Turn!

The Animals – Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood

April March – Chick Habit

Ryan finished this series of posts with: “Wanted to say thanks for everyones rec’s on the Z-A it was fun for me to be able to hear a bit of what you all listen to.”

a fan made some graphics for “Ryro’s ABCs of Music” that I think I posted earlier this spring (but I was confused what exactly they were from because they included Jon’s recommendations too and then the whole “B-side” thing tripped me up). but yeah they’re related to this list.

THE MAIN POST

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Banner OneShot Phobias

So this is a little drabble that came to me when my husband rescued me from certain death at the hands of a spider in the bathroom!

Takes place round about September 2013- 4 months after Katie and Steve started dating. You don’t need to have read the rest of Stark Spangled Banner to enjoy this, but feel free to do so if you see this and it grabs your attention.

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist

Warnings: “Language!”

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

 "STEEEEEEEEEVVVEEEEE!" The scream made the glass of water in his hand slip to the point he almost dropped it. Placing it down with a slam on the coffee table he stood up and bolted down the hall towards his bathroom only to be met by Katie, who was in her bra and denim shorts hurtling towards him. "What is it?" He frowned, instantly placing himself between her and the bathroom, looking at the door. "In there..." she muttered, and as her hands gripped at his hips he could feel her shaking behind him. "Someone’s in there?" he looked over his shoulder and down at her. She shook her head "I... just... I can’t..." He was really puzzled now. Not a lot phased Katie Stark. She had fought alongside him in the battle of New York, facing off against God Knows how many Aliens. The year before she had tackled the Mandarin with her brother, then there was Loki in the Desert, countless missions with SHIELD... so what on Earth had got her so petrified, in his bathroom no less,  that she was trembling behind him?

"Stay here..." he said, gently before he crept forward and stepped to the bathroom. The door was wide open and he could see or hear nothing. Frowning he looked behind the door, in the tall cupboard that housed his toiletries, towels, bedsheets etc... all clear. He was just about to ask her what the fuck was going on when a movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He glanced into the shower cubicle and there was the culprit.

"Jesus Christ sweetheart." He said, with a somewhat exasperated sight as he looked at the spider "You nearly gave me a heart attack. I thought someone had broken in and was about to kill you...:

"Something did break in!" She squeaked back, still from her spot in the hall "It’s gonna eat me!" Steve rolled his eyes to himself. It was nothing more than a house spider. A fairly big one, he had to admit, but utterly harmless. Nevertheless, he knew Katie was petrified of the damned things. She had admitted to him post an incident with one on a Quinjet that she had woken up when she was 3 with one on her face and had been scared witless of them ever since.

“Katie, it’s utterly harmless.” he reasoned. “I don’t care!” her voice was high pitched “Incy Wincy fucking Gorilla needs to leave” That did make him laugh.

“Ok, Ok” he said when his chuckles died down “I’ll sort it. Don’t panic…”

Luckily for her, spiders fascinated Steve. He had always found their webs a thing of beauty, and in the army had often wandered the woods early in the morning to see them speckled with dew in the growing light of the sunrise or frost in the winter, sketching the particularly intricate ones he found. He bent down, scooped the arachnid in to his hands careful to keep it enclosed and headed back into the hall. "Where is..is it IN YOUR HANDS?" she shrieked, eyes wide as she backed away from him. “Why didn’t you kill it?” “I’m not gonna kill it!” he said, shaking his head “It isn’t his fault you’re scared of him.” “But…”

“Honey, it’s fine, I’m gonna let it go outside!” He said, trying hard not to laugh at the sheer look of disgust and horror on her face. “Just open the door for me ok?”

“Outside outside or like the hall way outside?” She said, looking at him. He paused for a moment, he had been thinking just the hall- it was a house spider after all. But he could hear her reaction already- I’ll just come back under the door…

“Outside outside.” he confirmed, and her shoulders visibly sagged as she exhaled and headed to the doorway. She opened it, then backed away from him to let him out. Giving her a smile he headed outside, spider safely contained in his cupped hands as he headed down the stairs to the main door of his apartment block. Using his foot to keep the door jarred open, he stooped down and gently let the spider go. It scurried off and he wiped his hands on his jeans before he took the 3 flights back up to his floor two steps at a time.

Katie was in the kitchen, still in her bra and shorts, a glass of water in her hand. He leaned in the doorway looking at her for a moment, smile playing on his lips. Even when she was being absurd he loved her.

“You can stop looking at me like that.” she said to him.

 “Like what?”

“Like you think I'm utterly ridiculous.”

Steve cut her off with a chuckle “You are utterly ridiculous.” he said, striding towards her to give her a hug. She let out a noise that was half chuckle, half groan as she pressed her face into his t-shirt. “But I love you, arachnophobia induced drama included.”

She stayed still, her cheek pressed into his chest as his hands gently held her close, palms warm on her bare back.

“Gonna go for my shower now.” she mumbled.

“Ok” he pressed a kiss to her head “You coming back out or going straight to bed?”

“Bed.”

 “Alright, I won’t be far behind you.”

She smiled up at him, before she headed out of the room and he watched her go, her hips swaying gently as she walked.

The water was hot as Katie stepped underneath it. She hated being that petrified of something as stupid as a spider, she really did. Logically she knew it was daft, they were so small in comparison to her. Tony had constantly told her whenever he had to rescue her from the eight-legged-freaks, ‘they’re more scared of you than you are of them’, but that was utter bollocks. Frankly, she’d take fighting off 10 men single handedly against dealing with one of them. With a sigh she washed her hair, turned the water off and then set about cleaning her teeth before she headed out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Steve was already in there and as she walked into the room he gently tossed a clean t-shirt onto the bed for her and she grinned. She loved sleeping in his shirts, for no reason other than they were his. And he loved the fact she loved to sleep in them for the same reason. He dropped a kiss to her cheek and told her he was going for a shower himself before he headed into the bathroom himself.  She dried off, braided her hair before shrugging the T-shirt and settling down between the sheets of his bed. Steve returned a little under 10 minutes later, chest speckled with drops of water he hadn’t dried off completely.

“Honey do you want a drink or anything?”

“No I’m good” she mumbled, eyes closed as she snuggled further into the bed. He dressed in a pair of sweats, leaving his chest bare- another thing he’d started doing since they’d been sharing a bed as Katie much preferred snuggling into him like that- and he began the usual routine of checking the doors and windows before he returned and slipped under the covers next to her.

She let out a sigh and moved so that her head was lay on his chest, her hand gently tangling into the smattering of dark blonde hair that was there. He could tell she was wide awake, pondering something.

 “What’s the matter?” he asked gently.

“Do you think I’m a dumbass?” “No?” he snorted “why would I think that?” “Because of the whole…spider thing.” Steve took a deep breath and moved so that he was led on his side, facing her. She pouted at being jostled off his chest and he smiled at the look of indignation on her face as he tucked a stray hand of hair behind her ear.

“Clowns.” he said gently.

“What? What has that got-“ “I hate them.” he said gently “They freak me out. Big time. Can’t stand to look at them, be in the same room as them…” “So that’s why you don’t wanna watch IT.” she said, smiling softly “You’re scared of Clowns?” He nodded “Once when we were kids, there was a Carnival down at Coney. Bucky and I went in this like maze thing. Contained a load of mirrors and stuff…but the last room you went in was basically nothing but clowns, and you had no idea which one was the mirror and which one was the real thing.” He gave a shudder at the memory and he felt his girl’s hands warm on his chest “Well when the damned thing moved I had a complete melt down, asthma attack, you name it…”

“Why have you never told me this before?”

“Doesn’t do my Captain Badass image any good, does it?”

“And my spider phobia doesn’t do mine any good.” she said, with a chuckle “especially seeing as one of my best friend’s goes by the code name Black Widow.” He gave a little chuckle and wrapped his arms around her, as she turned over to get comfortable. He pulled her to him, her back pressing to his chest, and closed his eyes as he wrapped himself around her. She sighed, happy to bask in his warmth.

“Thank you for rescuing me” she mumbled and he gave a laugh that vibrated through his chest into her.

“Isn’t that what a man is supposed to do? Be his Dame’s Knight in shining armour?”

 “Yeah but most Knights slay fire breathing dragons...” she said, before pausing slightly “Oh God can u imagine? A fire breathing spider?”  she shivered.

 “Ok. Honey, now you’re being ridiculous again.” he said, eyes still closed.

 “Hey, for all we know it could exist, like in the deepest, depths of Peru somewhere, just hasn’t been discovered…”

“Well, lucky for us we aint in Peru.” he said with a sigh, as he dropped a soft kiss to the back of her neck. “Now go to sleep.”

Tags

@the-omni-princess  @momobaby227  @geekofmanythings16  @angelofhell-666 @thewackywriter @marvelfansworld  @cobalt-gear  @asgardlover75 @jennmurawski13  @jtargaryen18 @saiyanprincessswanie  @navispalace @patzammit​  @joannaliceevans-fanficblog​  @icanfeelastormbrewing​    @djeniiscorner​ @ayamenimthiriel​ @coldmuffinbanditshoe​ @disneylovingal​@madzmilllz​

[tinynebula]

for the ask thing! bruce banner, nebula, okoye!

bruce banner- talk about something you’re passionate about: wow, ok, i’m so passionate about photography? and like this past year i’ve been almost exclusively doing film photography because there’s something so hands on about having to think about the composition, the light, the color, wait for the perfect moment before taking a shot! you only have 36 photos so when you’re on a trip or something every single moment is unique.... digital photography it’s easier but it’s also so bland in the sense that it takes away the magic!!! random thing but like two days before the obligatory quarantine started i took 4 rolls to the laboratory and they closed so i have no idea when i’ll get my photos back 😭

nebula - how much have you changed in the past year?: i would say personality wise, not a lot... i am a little bit more restrained, like i don’t get into stupid pointless arguments for no reason anymore, but i’m still the same and think the same. just less ready to start shit i guess. also i’ve learned soooo much and also learned how much i don’t know. like i’ve always been used to being the leader in a group but to direct a film (i directed my first short film and it was kind of shitty mostly because in a group of 8 only 2 people did everything) you need more than natural leadership, you need to lead by example, you need to know about every single field (acting, writing, lighting, editing, make up, etc) not because you need to micromanage everyone, but because everyone will value your opinion above everyone else’s. i guess that made me realise if i want to be a good director i need to study a fuck ton more than what i was doing. 

okoye - what is something you love about where you’re from?: i love how incredibly diverse it is? being such a huge city you’re always finding new people with new and different stories. like walking down the street you find people from all over the world speaking different languages. or i guess because my neighborhood is particularly diverse, like other places in the city are more or less homogenous, but my neighborhood is a mixture of the jewish community, immigrants from bolivia, peru, brazil, colombia, venezuela, senegal, china... like everyone i went to school with (primary school, secondary school was a different story) had a completely different background. it’s amazing. 

send me a character question! 

[covid19updater]

COVID19 Updates: 07/22/2021

UK:  The pledge to lift isolation rules for double-vaccinated people who are close contacts of a Covid case on 16 August may not go ahead, a minister has warned. LINK

Japan:  The Tokyo Olympic Games organizing committee said on Thursday that eleven new cases of Covid-19 had been detected. Two athletes whose identities have not been revealed are among the new cases. A total of 86 people from the organization or from the athletes tested positive

US:  U.S. COVID update: Biggest one-day increase since April, hospitalizations up 15% in 2 days - New cases: 58,826 - Average: 41,205 (+2,976) - In hospital: 29,397 (+2,254) - In ICU: 7,519 (+473) - New deaths: 375

Florida:  BREAKING: Florida reports nearly 9,000 new coronavirus cases, the biggest one-day increase since April

UK:  Record 618,903 alerts were sent to NHS Covid app users in England and Wales last week

France:  France reports 21,539 new coronavirus cases, up 143% from last week and the biggest one-day increase since early May

Mexico:  Mexico reports 15,198 new coronavirus cases, the biggest one-day increase since January, and 397 new deaths

South Korea:  NEW: South Korea reports 1,842 new coronavirus cases, the biggest one-day increase on record

Australia:  New South Wales, which includes Sydney, reports 124 new coronavirus cases, the biggest one-day increase on record

Thailand:  NEW: Thailand reports 13,655 new coronavirus cases, the biggest one-day increase on record, and 87 new deaths

Japan:  NEW: Tokyo reports 1,979 new coronavirus cases, the biggest one-day increase since January

US:  Rolling 7-day average of daily coronavirus cases in the U.S.: 4 weeks ago: 11,577 3 weeks ago: 13,664 2 weeks ago: 15,219 1 week ago: 26,894 Today: 41,205

Nevada:   Alarmed by the rising number of COVID-19 cases in Las Vegas, elected officials approved a new indoor public space mask mandate for all county employees, but it excludes tourists and has no bearing on casinos or public schools. LINK

US:  BIDEN: “If you’re vaccinated, you’re not going to be hospitalized, you’re not going to be in the IC unit, and you’re not going to die.” ( The fairy tales of the magical infallible vaccine continue in the US.)

US:  Mayo Clinic expert warns delta variant will infect everyone who is not immune LINK

UK:  North Tees hospital boss issues warning over North East Covid rates LINK

Israel:  My colleagues @hillaalroy and @Meir_Marciano have tonight published the data leading the Israeli MoH to suspect that @pfizer vaccine's immunity is waning. In this graph, you can see infections and hospitalizations in the last 3 weeks, normalized. Chances of a January vaccinnated  Person to be infected are 3 times that of someone vaccinted in May. Possible caveats are geographical spread (the outbreak did not spread to areas in which people got the shots late) and that people who are less healthy were prioritized. Same trend is seen with the young.  For breakthrough infections is waning immunity with time. Its not a study but an internal document. Yet most Israeli officials dealing with the growing outbreak here are convinced  that waning immunity of the vaccinated is at least part of the reason for what we are seeing.

Europe:  Europe's travel industry is on a knife edge as Covid surges, again LINK

Australia:  World-first study shows effectiveness of masks in preventing COVID transmission LINK

UK:  THE number of people aged over 60 requiring hospital treatment for Covid-19 has tripled in a month, new figures from Public Health Scotland show. The data, published yesterday, revealed that there were nearly as many admissions of fully vaccinated patients as unvaccinated patients in Scotland’s hospitals last week. LINK

UK: ‘The system is broken’: Patients waiting 10 minutes for 999 calls to be answered - as Delta cases allowed to soar One call handler said: “It doesn’t bear thinking about what could be on the other [end] of those phones trying to get through.” #COVID19 LINK

India:  India raids media companies critical of govt handling of Covid-19 crisis LINK

Arkansas:  #BREAKING: The Arkansas Health Department is reporting its first pediatric #COVID19 death.

Arkansas:  1459 CASES TODAY. Hospitalizations up 33 to 848. Vents increased by 25 (156). Dead are up 13 -well over 6000. ( Source: Ark Times) SCHOOL STARTS 8/16. WHEN WILL WE BEGIN TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY?

World:  Australia and New Zealand have pulled out of the Rugby League World Cup because of "player welfare and safety concerns" related to Covid-19. Rugby Football League (RFL) chairman Simon Johnson has called it a "selfish, parochial and cowardly decision". LINK

China:  #covid19  China Has Rejected A WHO Plan For Further Investigation Into The Origins Of COVID-19 LINK

World:  What to know about COVID-19 and stroke LINK

California:  'It's been really hard': Vaccinated mom regrets not wearing mask to protect children from COVID-19 LINK

US:  CDC Director Rochelle Walensky says mask guidelines remain the same despite the spread of the Delta variant - Reuters (WOW)

US:  BREAKING: Number of Americans hospitalized with COVID-19 tops 30,000, highest since May

US:  WHITE HOUSE SAYS U.S. DISAPPOINTED IN CHINA'S RESPONSE TO WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION PLAN FOR PHASE 2 PROBE OF COVID-19 ORIGINS

NYC:  Today’s #COVID19 indicators: • 98 new hospitalizations • 644 new cases • 2.01% positivity rate (7-day avg.)

Peru:  Peruvian police dismantled an alleged criminal ring that had charged as much $21K per bed for seriously ill Covid-19 patients in a state-run hospital, aggravating care in a country hit by one of the world’s deadliest outbreaks of the virus;

France:  Public anger at French gov't measures to curb covid spreading, has given yellow vest protest movement fresh momentum. Last WE, police said ~ 100K protested measures - some of them under the banner of yellow vests. Another round of protests is planned for this weekend;

Lebanon:  Hospitals in Lebanon  warn of a looming “catastrophe”, as some were only hours away from running out of fuel to keep life-saving equipment on during endless state power cuts;

Arkansas:  Easterseals Arkansas makes COVID-19 vaccine mandatory for all employees and volunteers by Sept. 30.

Japan: Op/Ed:  “The Tokyo debacle has exposed an International Olympic Committee that disrespects the will of locals, brushes off inconvenient concerns of experts and prioritizes its profits over all else.” LINK

Israel:  Israel reports effectiveness of COVID vaccine against infection drops to 40 percent LINK

UK:  BREAKING: Emergency services and medical staff included among the listed "critical" workers who will be exempt from self-isolation measures if they come into contact with someone who has tested positive for #COVID19.

Florida:  White House says 1 in 5 new COVID-19 cases are in Florida LINK

US:  The NFL just informed clubs that if a game cannot be rescheduled during the 18-week season in 2021 due to a COVID outbreak among unvaccinated players, the team with the outbreak will FORFEIT and be credited with a loss for playoff seeding, per sources. Massive implications.

Italy:  NOW - Thousands take it to the street in #Turin as Italy makes Covid "green pass" mandatory for most public places.

Kansas:  ‘We are in trouble’: Kansas City hospital leaders to call for new mask mandates LINK

US:  CDC panel weighs whether to recommend boosters for immunocompromised. LINK

Florida:  BREAKING: Florida reports 12,647 new coronavirus cases, the biggest one-day increase since January, and 86 new deaths

US:  NEW: Number of Americans hospitalized with COVID-19 tops 31,000, highest since May

Cuba:  Cuba reports 7,745 new coronavirus cases, the biggest one-day increase on record, and 65 new deaths

India:  A study has estimated that the medical cost of seeking #Covid19 treatment by households in India is “enormous and unsustainable”.

Russia:�� Gamma coronavirus variant detected in #Russia, Ifax reports #Covid19 #RE LINK

US:  U.S. COVID update: Nearly 65,000 new cases, biggest one-day increase since April - New cases: 64,866 - Average: 44,987 (+3,782) - In hospital: 31,069 (+1,672) - In ICU: 7,869 (+350) - New deaths: 374

[maxtradesuk]

Just months ago, few people in this country knew who María Antonieta Alva was. Now Peru’s finance minister is a household name. In Lima, banners featuring her face and the words, “courage and dignity,” are hung from bridges. On social media, a video circulates of her discussing stimulus policies with the salsa song, “How crazy it was to fall in love with you,” playing in the background.⠀

⠀

The 35-year-old’s popularity—rare in a country that has historically had little trust in politicians or state institutions—is largely due to her role leading Peru’s economic response to the coronavirus pandemic, marking Latin America’s biggest per capita financial outlay.⠀

⠀

Alva, a Harvard-trained economist, is helping roll out a colossal stimulus package amounting to 12% of gross domestic product, one of the world’s most aggressive compared with the size of its economy. Public spending and tax breaks comprise 7%, with the remainder mainly government-backed loans to struggling businesses.⠀

“We aren’t going to skimp on resources needed for the emergency,” Alva said in a recent interview. “Money can’t be a problem.”⠀

⠀

[remiserostudio]

Roll Up Banner de 1 x 2 metros y flayers impresos en alta calidad para nuestro Cliente @ftioncampus desde Colombia para Perú gracias por la confianza y encomendarnos a distancia el material para su evento en Lima. . . . . . #fticonsulting #colombia #peru #colombiaperu #rollup100x200 #arbitraje #expertswhitimpact #flyers #flyerprinting #rollupbanner #rollscreen #printingbanner #largeprintingformat #pendonpublicitario #displaypublicitario #volantespublicitarios #imprentaoffset #paranteparabanner (en RemiseroStudio - Soluciones Web Gráficas) https://www.instagram.com/p/B9DpYN2lMJz/?igshid=1gdndgucp9j0l

[thetravellingvagrant]

Day 4: Lima-Iquitos - In Which I Am Accidentally Quite Racist

We were due to fly from Lima to Iquitos today. Under normal circumstances an 11am flight may just be dancing on the peripheries of being a bit of a faff, what with transportation times to the airport and Sam's absolutely rigid insistence on arriving no later than exactly two hours before flight time under any circumstances, meaning that alarms would generally need to be set for around 8am. This wasn't an issue today, however, as due to the magic of time-zones and the whimsy of sporadic insomnia, we were both wide awake, fully ready to go and honestly, even a little bored by quarter to five.

When the approximate time to leave did finally roll around, we made the short, ten minute walk to the vague location of where the airport express bus was supposed to depart from and then, as is apparently customary in lima, spent a genuinely silly amount of time looking desperately for its exact stopping point - because honestly, even after having now actually caught the bus, I'm still not exactly 100% sure of where that is. According to the website, the pick-up point was outside 'Hostal Torreblanca', a place which, for the life of us, we could not find. Google maps told us that we were standing at it, but there was absolutely no sign that we could make out that we actually were. It wasn't until the bus had arrived to drop passengers from the airport off, before making the circuit around Miraflores to eventually come back and pick us up that we noticed that Hostal Torreblanca was actually right next to us, though had apparently long since either shut down or just stopped maintaining its signage, and allowed all of its letters to erode away, leaving only the faintest outline of the name on its banner. Still though, basically found it first try, even if entirely by accident, so I guess in a way, I win twice?

Passing through airport security was...not a difficult experience. We breezed straight through the security metal detectors, despite me still having a fistful of coins, which I had forgotten to remove, still jangling around my exceptionally cool security-bum-bag, which was thoroughly reassuring and Sam even received a lovely compliment on her bottom from a charming Peruvian security guard, who made a kissy face at her and called her a pretty lady as she bent over to re-tie her shoe. They really do go all out to make you feel special at Jorge Chavez international. Take note, Gatwick.

We boarded yet another fucking flight and were soon whizzing off to the tropical paradise of Iquitos, which to be honest, I was shitting myself over. I decided to spend the lion's share of the flight time working on a blog entry, as, even then, I had fallen quite badly behind schedule – a habit which has clearly only worsened in the following days. I didn't manage to get very much vitriol down on paper, in the end, however, as I was distracted by the genuinely quite impressive view from the window as we cruised over, what I assume was the Pacaya Samiria national reserve.

...It does make writing about being served a plate of squid that you didn’t really want seem a bit silly, I suppose...

After around an hour and a half in the air, staring moon-eyed at the scenery like some giant man-sized bush baby we landed in Iquitos and walked directly into the airport and also a torrential tropical downpour. I've got to say, I enjoy the rain at the best of times - to an almost freakish degree, it has been said - but this jungle deluge really was absolutely choice rain. Premium drizzle, it was. Premiere sprinklage. I walked as slowly as I could without looking properly fucking mental into the airport, with Sam shooting me a look back at me the entire time, as if to say that I'd have to walk a little faster than that to convince her. Once inside, we looked for a stall for the company Taxi Green, which we had been informed by the never-ever-wrong-about-anything Tripadvisor forums were the safest bet in order to not get ripped off or killed and have your still twitching corpse dumped in a storm-drain. We could not, however, actually find any trace of Taxi Green in the airport and so Sam, being the patient and measured person she is, immediately asked the first vaguely trustworthy looking person (i.e. one with a badge) to take us to the city, proper, after – of course – pre-agreeing a price (Which was, as it turned out, double what we should have paid, anyway, so fuck even trying, I guess.). We were whisked away through the storm to his taxi immediately and, crucially, before I could connect to the airport's WiFi to regain my google maps signal, so we really were at his mercy, which was nice. Sometimes it's good to relinquish any control in a scary and unfamiliar place. Keeps you on your toes. Or perhaps dead in a storm drain. It can really go either way

Driving through Iquitos in the rain was pretty cool, though. It's very unlike anywhere I've ever been (because it is) and travelling during a torrential downpour really did make the place seem immediately very tropical (because... it is).

I'm sure you've figured out by now, that the taxi driver did not murder us and leave our still twitching corpses in a storm-drain; instead he delivered us right to the front door of our hostel an even unloaded our bags for us and everything. If he hadn't ripped us off, I might even have called him a gentleman. But he did, so he isn't. Prick.

We buzzed the door of The Amazon Within; the hostel in which we were due to stay a single night before venturing into the actual, for real jungle which would definitely be great and not at all scary. Around a full minute later, a shirtless, gruff man, who looked a bit like a brown Jerry Stiller answered. He said nothing. Unsure if I had buzzed the right place, I told him I had a reservation. After a brief moment- although still far too long a pause for it to have been comfortable, given that I didn't know if I was talking to the right person – he answered back

“Ah, si, reservation, come inside!”

Phew.

He unlocked the door and ushered us in to the building. As it turned out, brown, shirtless, gruff Jerry Stiller was named Julio and he was actually a treasure of a man. He was affable, helpful and welcoming beyond any expectation I would normally have had while checking into a hostel and we spoke for around thirty minutes about the twenty five years he had spent living in both London and Bournemouth (which he pronouncd Baown Mut). Not once did the conversation feel particularly forced, or awkward, or like he was putting on heirs for his guests, it was just very nice and very genuine (A bit of a rarity out here, I feel, as it does seem a little bit like everyone is either trying to get you to give them money for something, or hamming up basic Peruvian culture to a ridiculous degree in order to impress the gringo, usually.)

However lovely Julio was, though, the room he had given us more than ...whatever the opposite of made up (made down? Surely not) for it. It wasn't by a very long way the worst place I have ever stayed (that crown still goes to the Bosnian fire ant palace), but it was certainly not among the top either. It was sparse; four plain white walls and a single, half-broken fan plugged into a crackling socket was all that we had to play with in the bedroom. The bathroom sported a little more colour in the form of brown tiling and with a shower that seemingly was only ever designed to pipe out cold water. Given how absolutely maddeningly hot and humid it is in Iquitos, I suppose a cold shower wasn't the worst thing in the world but still, a little heat, purely so I didn't have to acclimatise each part of my body individually to being under the shower head, would have been nice.

Seeing no great reason for us to hang around in what was definitely starting to remind me of a Colombian prison cell, we ventured out to the hostel's patio, to soak up a little sun, before heading out to a supermarket for some toiletries and a restaurant to eat some food.

We hadn't been sat for more than a few minutes before we were approached by an American lady, whose name I instantly forgot. She spoke at us for a while about her experiences in Peru and how long she'd been travelling and how life-changing doing Ayahuasca, the hallucinogenic peruvian drug tea, had been and so on. All very friendly, yet still somehow utterly intolerable. Eventually though, she got bored of us after realising that we didn't really want to talk about drinking a mind-breaking soup with her and toddled off to sing Tom Petty songs to herself, whilst occasionally loudly affirming just how good Tom Petty is. Again, to herself.

With her out of the way, the coast was clear for us to be bothered by some of the other guests. A chap from Edinburgh and his Irish girlfriend struck up a conversation; him having overheard that we were from Glasgow. He asked what part of it I was from and I told him. He didn't know it. We briefly discussed how it was hotter in London a few days ago than it was in Iquitos and then he told us all about all the travels he had been on, continuously for the last year and a half; only ever venturing back to Scotland once every few months to get his mum to do his laundry for him or something. It was all incredibly boring and nearly exclusively an excuse for him to talk about himself; a subject about which I categorically did not care. Soon, again, the conversation fizzled out. I turned to Sam and asked if she wanted to head out, she replied in the affirmative. As I did, Edinburgh man turned to his own girlfriend and loudly exclaimed “fucking people, man...”. Now, I have no idea why he might have said such a thing, nor to be honest, if that was directed at us or not at all, but if it was, I would very much like to use this blog as a tool to reach out to that man to apologise for not single handedly, artificially keeping the deeply tedious conversation you were having at me, about all the places you've been and drugs you've done afloat. That was wrong of me. If you're reading this, please email me a list of both of those things and I will make sure I read every single entry. Namaste, brother.

Now slightly perplexed, but with a quiet confidence growing that we had accidentally booked ourselves into a proper wank-hostel, we left to go to the supermarket. Neither the heat, nor humidity of Iquitos was sitting well with me. I immediately began to feel quite woozy, though, now I think about it, inhaling the exhaust fumes of about a million tuktuks, all driving around on any bit of the road (and sometimes off it) they damn well pleased and honking their horn non-stop as if trying to appease a giant, angry goose god, probably wasn't helping me feel any better, either. Either way, I was sweaty and unhappy (which you'd imagine I'd be used to by this point in my life, but somehow it still came as a surprise)

After a quick traipse to the supermarket, via the main square (which, while lovely, I did not take any pictures of for fear of having my phone snatched off me by a crime man), we doubled back and walked along Malecon Maldonado; the very, very very touristy little riverfront boulevard, wherein we found the restaurant Dawn On The Amazon, which Sam had heard was highly recommended and was- and this is just a little flavour here-founded by an English man, who had since died in a flood. The food was delicious, though, as was the banana, coffee and chocolate smoothie I accidentally ordered and the view across the Naney river (not quite the Amazon river, but probably close enough to count)

...Acceptable...

Was a genuine delight to eat across from, even if I did end up losing eleven of my twelve pints of blood to mosquitos in the process of sitting outside to look at it.

During our meal, we were approached by (and I swear this is pertinent to the story) a brown man. He asked us if we were going into the Amazon jungle. It being Peru and both Sam and I being on edge about everyone trying to sell us something or steal our money, we told him politely, yet firmly that we had already booked our excursion, thank you very much. He looked baffled and asked

“...So you're going, right?”

We again told him we were so we didn't need to book anything with him. It was only then that I noticed that his accent was very clearly quite Indian. Sam had apparently noticed as well.

“Oh, no, I'm not trying to sell you anything. I just wondered if you had any advice about what we should take into the jungle?” he gestured to his wife, sitting at the table directly behind us.

Fuuuuck. Is that racist? Pretty sure that was at least a little racist. I'm not totally sure what a micro-aggression is, but I was pretty sure I just committed one.. regardless, he took it in good stride, laughing it off and telling us he was proud that he could pass for a local, which, if anything, only made me feel worse. Sam, as helpfully and politely as she could explained to them what they might need in the jungle and then we quietly finished our meal as quickly as humanly possible and left, to pull our own skin off in embarrassment. The only solace that either of us could find in the entire situation was that we would definitely, definitely never see either one of them ever again in all our lives. This is foreshadowing. Did you get it? It was terribly clever.

After a warm, sticky walk back to the apartment, during which my low ebb of health somehow ebbed even lower, we took a couple of lovely ice cold showers and, excited for the adventure the following day (Sam) and/or positively shitting ourselves at the thought of sleeping in the spider capital of the world (me), headed straight to bed.

...For about two hours.

I woke up, coughing. My head was spinning, my body aching, I was drenched in sweat (like, an unusual amount of sweat, even for being in the amazon) my throat glands were inflamed, swallowing was painful and my sinuses were jammed up to all buggery. There was no denying it any more; what I thought was some innocent run-downedness (Which, unlike anality is definitely not a word) was actually something far more sinister. I had the flu. The jungle flu... (Note: not malaria; just a regular flu that I happened to catch in the jungle; calm down, mum.).

The rest of my night consisted of getting around two hours of sleep at a time, followed by my getting up to refill and then completely consume the entire contents of my water bottle from the communal supply, take another freezing cold shower and empty the frankly unusual amount of effluvia that had collected in both my sinuses and bladder, over and over again, before finally my alarm went off and it was now basically fine for me to stop pretending that I was able to sleep. Good thing I had nothing strenuous planned for the next day...

[weeklyhumorist]

Bachelor #244: There’s Trouble at the Mansion

Contestants on ABC’s popular reality TV series, “The Bachelor,” spend thousands of dollars to prepare for the show. They are not compensated for their time on-air, nor does ABC’s parent company, Walt Disney, provide them with health insurance.

    7:30 PM – The Cocktail Party

  Bachelor Jason has spent the last hour in Villa de la Vina’s auxiliary wellness room with contestant Sylvia. Several of the girls have grown impatient.

  Crystal: I can’t believe she would do this. (tasteful sobbing) Especially after what happened on today’s group date.

  Rachel: So basically, we were at this children’s hospital. And Jason looks incredible in scrubs by the way.

  Anna Rose: The date is pretty much spending time with kids who are sick or something. Last week Hannah IV went skydiving in Peru…. Anyway, Sylvia spends the whole freakin’ day at the benefits desk—of course Jason goes with her.

  Crystal: She’s going on and on about the “unfair cost of prescription drugs in America.” It was so ugly.

  Alexa: She is NOT here for the right reasons. Whenever there are cameras around she’s all (adopts falsetto) “since 1948 the UN has recognized health care as a human right.”

  Crystal: Eventually she makes Jason give the group date rose to some preteen who can’t afford insulin… I mean… (slow zoom) someone literally not even in the competition.

  Cassie E: She is DEFINITELY going home tonight.

  (A yellow banner of text reveals Cassie E’s occupation to be “Pisces.”)

    9:00 PM – The Rose Ceremony

  Chris Harrison: Ladies, this is the final rose tonight. (turning to Jason) When you’re ready.

  Jason: This is the hardest decision I’ve had to make in the last seven days. I’ve fallen for so many of you, but we don’t have the resources to support everyo—

  Sylvia: Hey Jason, could I actually say something?

  Jason: Of course, Cynthia. I respect all women.

  Sylvia: Well… I think there are a lot of misconceptions about what Medicare for All would really entail for the average American. Nonpartisan groups—like the CBO—have concluded a single payer-system will save families money in lower premiums while simultaneously lessening the bureaucracy endemic to the industry.

  (A small red dot appears on Sylvia’s forehead. A PA in a terracotta ghillie suit has taken a sniping position atop the hearth.)

  10:30 PM – Sidebar Interviews

  Cassie E: Sylvia won’t shut up about universal basic coverage. I’m like HONEY, we’re all 5’11”, blonde, and Scandinavian. We know already.

  Hannah IV: If you want the tea, this whole stunt is because she turned twenty-six last week. So what, the ACA no longer covers her? That doesn’t give her the right to take up all of the airtime Jason’s time.

  CH: Did you just redact your own response in real-time?

  Hannah IX: What…? Huh?

  1:32 AM – The Casual Sex Suite

  Jason: Sylvia, you’ve really opened my eyes. Per capita health care spending in the United States is nearly triple that of other industrialized nations. Our government is already footing this bill by subsidizing private insurance plans, but it doesn’t have any purchasing power to drive costs down. If we moved to single-payer, that power could return to the people. I am a little skeptical of letting everyone sign up willy-nilly, though. I wouldn’t want any freeloaders, like welfare recipients or Puerto Ricans.

  Sylvia: I love that you can roll your R’s.

  Jason: You probably don’t know this, but I’ve never been to a doctor in my life. Should we take our clothes off and examine each other?

  Sylvia: Wait you never had a doctor’s appointment as a kid?

  Jason: I’m terrified of stickers. They remind me of commitment.

  Sylvia: Jason, how old are you?

  Jason: I’m 65.

  (Intercuts of gently deflating balloons.)

  Sylvia: Under Medicare for All, you wouldn’t ever have to worry about the federal government interfering with your Social Security.

  (Their noses touch. A knock at the door.)

  CH: Sorry to butt in you two, but the girls have destroyed a rare Grecian urn in their collective fury. Jason, could you possibly come tell everyone that they have a unique relationship you want to pursue further?

  Jason: Sylvia, I have to go. I want you to know I think our relationship is unique and I can’t wait to pursue it further.

  Hometown Dates

  CH: So, tell me a little about your experience this week.

  Jason: It was incredible getting to know Cassie E’s family, as well as Cassie C’s and Cassidy’s. Although I didn’t get a blessing from any of the fathers, they definitely know how I feel about their daughters. Plus, I learned how to Skee-Ball!

  CH: That’s so encouraging to hear Jason. Unfortunately, I saw you decided to end your date with Sylvia early?

  Jason: (staring a foot above Chris Harrison’s eyeline) That’s right Chris.

  CH: What happened?

  Jason: Everything was going great. We made stops in Nashua, Moultonborough, Laconia, and Concord. I was settling into the groove of the campaign bus and I loved seeing Sylvia in her element—

  CH: Because you respect women.

  Jason: My mother is a woman! Anyhow, I really enjoyed socializing with the whole Sanders campaign family. However, I think I’m going to be rich soon and Sylvia’s policy proposals sound a bit expensive. I think there are better options, like my new line of rose-shaped healing stones. Also, someone tried to give me a “Bernie 2020: Not me, Us” sticker.

  CH: You hate stickers.

  Jason: I don’t really understand the slogan either, Chris.

Bachelor #244: There’s Trouble at the Mansion was originally published on Weekly Humorist

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Top 100 From the Outside at the NSRA Nats

The 48th Annual NSRA Street Rod Nationals held at the Kentucky Exposition Center in Louisville, Kentucky is plenty big enough to hold 10,000-plus street rods of every type of make, model, and build description one could imagine.

The Painless Performance Products sponsors the Top 100 program for Street Rodder at 10 events with a special addition at the NSRA Nats. Since the event is so large with so many potentially great cars and trucks there are two Top 100 selections. One is for the indoor cars at the various indoor exhibits while outside there is another Top 100.

What you are now going to see if you flip through the following pages will be the Top 100 for the outdoor section at this year’s Nats. SRM

Robert Hill, The Villages, FL / 1929 Ford Roadster

At first glance this car appears simple but upon closer inspection you’ll find torsion bars hidden in the frame rails and some extraordinary fabrication by Steve’s Auto Fabrication in Jamestown, IN. A stock ’53 flathead provides power to the rear Rally America wires wheels wrapped with Coker Excelsior tires. Custom Mocha Tan paint on the gennie body keeps things subtle while inside S&W gauges fill the Lobeck gauge cluster. The car captures postwar hot rodding perfectly.

Rick Giordano, St. Peters, MO / 1950 Ford Convertible

The shoebox Ford is clean and simple by design and so it doesn’t take heavy modifications to make a cool custom. Things like nosing, decking and shaving the door handles and Frenching the headlights and taillights complete the exterior. Under the hood a 350 Chevy provides power while Fatman Fabrications suspension and Billet Specialties wheels provide proper handling. Inside Vintage Air keeps things cool and the best part is this car was completely homebuilt.

Debra Vitte, Riverview, FL / 1957 Chevrolet Cameo

When it comes to classic haulers the Cameo is high on the list. The stylized bed was custom from the factory so it remains basically stock. Debra enjoys plenty of power in the form of a 502 Ramjet motor and a Hurst-shifted five-speed Tremec tranny mounted in the TCI chassis. Wilwood brakes slow things down, Vintage Air keeps things cool and U.S. Mags provide the rolling stock. The Emerald Green PPG paint combines with tan leather for a classic look. Doug Kenny gets credit for doing the bulk of the work on the truck.

Mike Ricotta, Denton, MD / 1933 Chevrolet 3W Coupe

Here’s a winning combination. Start with a super rare Mercury series Chevrolet coupe (the small series); chop the top, then lay down a set of hot licks over PPG Envirobase black for real hot rod flavor. Suspension is all early Ford style with a Super Bell dropped axle up front and a Winters Quick Change rear out back with Pete & Jakes shocks on all four corners. Real Wheels continue the traditional theme while under the hood a 4.71 blower forces air through the 383 stroker motor. The East Coast Hot Rod Garage handled the build.

Jerry Campbell, Wilmington, DE / 1932 Ford Roadster

This is the latest in a string of traditional hot rods for Jerry Campbell. When he’s not busy pinstriping he builds his own hot rods. The highboy carries a European flavor with British Racing Green covering the heavily louvered body with Oxblood leather on the inside. Power comes from an Edelbrock fed 327 with double hump heads hooked to a Lokar shifted 350-Turbo transmission. The dropped front axle and brakes are from SoCal with Pete & Jakes shocks. Wheel Smith wheels are wrapped with Coker Excelsior rubber to complete this oh-so-traditional hot rod.

Bob Kuehn, Stanton, NE / 1954 Mercury Convertible

Bob Kuehn’s first car was a 1954 Mercury convertible and he simply stayed with his first love. After restoring a couple other ’54 Mercs he decided it was time for a hot rod. To that end he planted a Ford 5.0 Coyote with a 4R70W tranny. The body remains completely stock covered in PPG black while inside brown leather is a serious upgrade from original. Classic Instruments monitor the Coyote and when the top goes up the Vintage Air goes on. Front suspension is from Heidts while a nine-inch Ford rear spins the Billet Specialties wheels.

Vic LaBantschnig, Fenton, MO / 1955 Chevrolet Nomad

When Chevrolet decided to build a custom station wagon they knocked it out of the park with the ’55 Nomad. Enhancing a Nomad is as simple as taking the original PPG Glacier Blue paint and mixing a little more blue metallic for a better than original look. Then put the car on a Morrison chassis for that perfect stance and handling. Under the hood a FAST Englese EFI feeds the LS3 motor in traditional fashion. 17-inch ET Sebring wheels complete the restyling effort by Carnock Creations in Des Moines, Iowa.

Bill Sherman, Peru, IL / 1961 Pontiac Ventura

The early sixties brought with it the fantastic “bubble top” design and no one did it better than Pontiac. We love this car because there are extensive improvements but it takes a real car guy to see them. It all starts with a complete custom fabricated chassis with QA1 shocks and tubular control arms. Rear suspension employs a second set of QA1coil overs and power comes from a 389 punched out to 406 inches with a factory four-speed mixing the gears. The rare Dawn Firemist paint is the factory color and the trademark tri-color interior completes the package.

Carl & Jeanne Booth, Rochester, MI / 1932 Ford Roadster

A great formula is keep it clean and simple looking. Starting with a vintage Downs body it was covered with Henry Ford’s “Any color you want as long as its black” PPG paint. While the motor may look traditional it is really a modern LS3 topped with a FAST Englese EFI induction. The chrome front suspension is from Pete and Jakes while Wilwood provides the stopping power. Inside tans seats carry traditional rolled and pleated fabric inserts. Classic Instruments monitor the motor and Wheel Vintique steelies are wrapped with Coker Excelsior tires.

Red & Deb Stauffer, Mount Dora, FL / 1932 Ford Victoria

There are traditional hot rods and there are historical hot rods, this Deuce Vicky falls under the historical banner. First hot rodded in the forties this Vicky has a long and storied past. When long time hot rodder Red Stauffer discovered the car he continued the heritage with a vintage build. From the genuine Ardun flatmotor to the real knock-off magnesium Halibrand wheels there is nothing new on this car. Kinmont front brakes mount to an early dropped axle with stock ’32 shocks still in service. Coker Excelsior rubber carries the traditional look, while inside black tuck and roll and a ’36 Ford dash continue the theme. It’s a great hot rod with a long race history.

The post Top 100 From the Outside at the NSRA Nats appeared first on Hot Rod Network.

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