#rocknrolla one shot

[agent-scotch]

Netflix's The Gentlemen Rant/Review (Spoilers)

If you've never seen a Guy Ritchie mob movie then you might enjoy yourself.

But if you're like me then you kinda - disappointed. and here is a rant:

I genuinely thought this was gonna be expanding on the world or characters of Gentlemen movie. I know they would not have the same cast but at least link them to the original story. But instead an entire 2 episode of retelling.

Susie Glass, not gonna lie I was hoping when she mentioned her DAD it would be in reference to the movie. Like maybe the Pearsons had a daughter that is now taking over the business! Like what is with franchises that don't like to touch or can cameos of the source material. She's kind of a spin on Rosie and kinda not.

I loved it when Rosie pulled out a gun, like I liked that she was elegant and posh but also mean despite her husband. Like wouldn't it be great if Susie was the daughter! I liked the mix of Matthew's southern accent amongst the diverse English accents.

The quick talking was fun but the character are watered down as fuck. Ritchie's movie and character are FUN and Kinda Cartoonish but that's what so fun about them! Colin Farrel as Coach, Hugh Grant as Fletcher. These ones are so serious which I get because it needs to span a TV series but this is a guy Ritchie spin off, not Succession.

Not sure if people notice that Guy Ritchie character structures are like a Shakespeare play. He spends the same amount of time introducing the low level criminals, side characters and the high end gangsters. They are interwoven by the same goal, consequences, and share 1 degree of separation wether they know or not.

In the Tv show, the main focus is the Duke and Susie, mainly the Duke and nothing ever comes back to bite him in the ass in the future the way it does in Ritchie's movies.

I will say there are some movie reference I appreciate:

the guns that blow the head off the guy (reference to lock stock)

there is a scene where Eddie pulls a cable to a pair of headphone (Reference to RocknRolla with One Two vs the Russians)

There is a chase scene that very much like Raymond's in the Gentlemen movie.

Finally the inconsistencies and editing. Good editing itself can be very comedic. Sometimes Richie skips directly showing a graphic scene to show the aftermath and let's the acting and script recall what happened - letting the audience's imagination wild. Example would be int he Gentlemen when The coach show the editor what happened between him and a pig. The Freddie's chicken sequence didn't need to pan out in order for the audience to understand how humiliating it is. If anything skip that, show Freddie crying and your brain will do the math. Equally and possibly more effective than actually showing it.

This goes for the scene where he accidentally pulls the chord to a pair of head phones in reference to RockNRolla. In RockNRolla, the two Russians pull the chord - LOUD music and to Gerard's face let's you know shits gonna get fucked up. and then it cuts.

In the Gentlemen, the chord is pulled and they duke it out. Which I guess yea but that point in the show there needed to be a fight scene.

But action sequence is misplaced.

In the first episode Eddie goes to a boxing match to find his brother who stole like 4 million pounds to gamble. Eddie confront brother but then walks away. As susie explains the truth about said gamble across the room Freddie. The shot of Eddie shakes more and more and the tiger roaring get louder and louder showing his growing anger. And you think Eddie, military man, he's gonna pink mist these the fuckers in the room! right? WRONG. HE JUST WALK OVER AND WAGS A FINGER.

Like I get it he's a duke....

In the gentlemen Movie Fletcher and Raymond recall a negotiation between Dry-eye and Micky where Micky suddenly shoots Dry-eye in the balls and lots of screaming. Cut back, it didn't actually happen and they just talked - Fletcher was just trying to spice up the story.

WHY DIDN'T THEY DO THAT. Why did they do they lion roaring and camera shaking, show him pink misting everyone and be like lol that was all in Eddy's head AND THEN he walks over and wags his finger.

And the only reason WHY I'm compiling about this whole shot of eddy being angry, camera shaking and lions roaring is that it only happens THE ONE TIME. They could have made it Eddy's thing where he's so close to snapping, it would have been part of his character but nah. that's it.

None of the characters really grow? Like Susie becomes more reckless but Eddy doesn't change much.....

This show is taking itself too seriously, and I love Ritchie movies cause they are goofy.

Ritchie did go from directing a couple episodes to only producing so that must have fucked things up.

So this is all I have to say for now.

[ao3feed-arthureames]

The Wild Bunch

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/bLFxaYX

by AetherBunny

“What.” Cleo noticed his distraction and nudged him. “I know him. We used to be little shits together.” He pointed at the man. “Do you want to say hi?” She asked. “I do.”

 Sometimes the Inception fandom likes to make Handsome Bob into Robert Eames. And I thought, well why couldn't Mumbles be Robert DuBois then? Not a whole lot more to it than that, but the idea wouldn't leave me alone!

Words: 1078, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: RocknRolla (2008), Inception (2010), Suicide Squad (Movies 2016 2021)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M, Other

Characters: Robert DuBois, Cleo Cazo, Handsome Bob (RocknRolla), Eames (Inception), Arthur (Inception), Mumbles (RocknRolla), Sebastian the Rat (DCEU)

Relationships: Arthur/Eames (Inception), Handsome Bob & Mumbles, Cleo Cazo & Robert DuBois

Additional Tags: Old Friends, Short One Shot, Multiple Crossovers, Chance Meetings, Catching Up

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/bLFxaYX

[iamkatehardy]

Shots (Handsome Bob x Reader) - Pt 2

Tags: @tiredoffeelinglost , @eap1935 , @ellar21 , @but--dear-this-is-not-wonderland , @titty-teetee , @sparklyreaderx , @iv-nyc

Warnings: Use of alcohol; Use of drugs; Smut, kinky smut

A/N: I don’t know how I feel about this, but I promised a smutty Pt 2, so here it is 😁😏 Hope you enjoy it, babes!

Shots - Pt2

You had both drank too much, disinhibiting yourselves and getting to know each other’s bodies better as you danced. The beat, the music, the lights, the laughs…Suddenly everything about the surrounding environment made you feel more alive than you ever did before. The higher you got, the more energy coursed through your entire body, and whenever Bob touched you, you felt even more revitalized.

Shot after shot, the time seemed to be passing faster than normal, and he was flirty and sweaty, but seemed to need a break.

“You don’t get tired, do you?” – The music was loud, so he leaned down to whisper in your ear, his lips brushing softly in your ear in the process, making you tingle all over.

“We just got started!” – Pouting, you slid your hands under his jacket, first up his shoulder and then down off his arms, removing it. – “But you look like you need a break… And a drink!” – You wiped the sweat of his face with your uniform’s sleeve, before returning to the group.

“Bob, head honcho of handsomeness! – One Two slapped Bob’s shoulder, before wrapping one arm around it.

“I’ll take the compliment! You know you make me go weak at the knees when you turn on the charm full blast like that…” – Bob teased him. – “But let’s cut to the chase, you’re not trying to get some of this handsomeness, so what do you want from me?”

“You’re a straight shooter, gotta love that! You see that bombshell blonde, 8 o’clock?”

“I don’t even know where my 8 o’clock is right now!” – Confuse, because of the booze, Bob spun around, trying to figure out where the hell 8 o’clock was.

“Wrong side, mate…” – Laughing loudly, you spun him to the other side.

“Oh, yes, I see now.” – He  nodded in acknowledgement.- “ Let me guess! You tried, you fail, and now you want me to try.”

“Listen, you just need to get me her phone number!”

“No, you need to get her phone number! I’m not letting you use me again, unless you want to literally use me, that is.” – Bob roared in One Two’s face.

“It’s right, gentlemen, I’ve got it.” – You stated calmly

“What?! No, You’re drunk, and I’m pretty sure was checking men out, just a moment ago.”

“Wanna bet?!” – An expression of defiance crossed your face. – “My hunch is: you’re afraid I’ll do it, when you couldn’t… Guess what? I fuckin’ will!  Now watch and learn, my darlings.” – You smirked, before waking to the blonde standing near the bar.

Feeling confident, you approached her; leaning on the bar near her, you mumbled something in her ear, before her eyes roamed you from head to toe, with a flirtatious smile. She started playing with her hair, maintaining a sexy eye contact, as your hand slid down her back, until it was resting on her waist, bringing her closer before you whispered in her ear again. You bit your lip and she smiled, writing something on a napkin, along with a lipstick mark. With a victorious smile, you returned to your friends.

“I told you…” – Waving the napkin in front of One Two’s nose, an insufferable smirk played on your lips.

“Uniforms never fail! I’ll drink to that.” – Bob raised his glass before he gulped down the shot.

“You and the damn uniforms Bob… Anyway, I thought she was straight, man.” – One Two yanked the napkin out of your hands.

“She is… But then again, so is spaghetti, until it gets hot and wet.” – You devilishly smirked once again.

“Are you into girls?!” – Bob shot you a surprised look.

“The world is full of unlimited possibilities… That’s all I’m saying.” – Lifting your eyebrows, you took another shot.

“Excellent point!” – Bob smirked, as he narrowed his eyes.

“God, you’re just alike… Two little insatiable minxes!  But as a sign of my appreciation for your god results, I have a gift for you. Courtesy of our friend Cookie!” – One Two opened his palm, and you saw a handful of pills.

“Molly?” – You thoroughly studied them and he nodded. – “Fuck it. Tonight I am not turning down the gift.”- You took a pill, followed by another drink. – “Now, you won’t let me get high by myself, will you Handsome?” – Folding your arms, you sexily pouted at him.

“Absolutely not! What do you take me for?” – He mockingly sneered as he looked you up and down, before he popped a pill himself.

Another shot. You immediately felt the warmth blossom through you, leaving a pleasant heat in your stomach and cheeks; your heart fluttering, combined an intense need to touch and be touched. In no time, both of you felt more uninhibited, spontaneous, lively, and with a great willingness of dancing the night away together.

He took your hand, leading you to the dance floor again and dragging your body tighter to his; hand slid down from your waist, to firmly grasp your buttocks.

“Bob!” – You squealed in surprise, before punching his chest playfully, and a goofy grin spreads on his face. His body grinded against yours rhythmically, and your body moved in harmony with his, heating up with his every touch; for a moment you could’ve sworn his eyes were focused on your mouth, just as yours were on his.

Time seemed to pass quickly, one hour felt like a minute when you were hanging out with him; lighthearted, reckless, devil-may-care attitude, living urgently as if your next breath could be your last. When you finally came to your senses, looking for the rest of your friends, they were all gone.

“Where the hell did they go?” – Looking around the dimly lit room, you didn’t see any other familiar face.

“Home, probably.” – He checked the time on his watch, showing you as well.

“Well, that's my cue to skedaddle! It’s almost closing time anyways…”

“And how exactly are you planning to do that?”

“Driving?  I still have energy to burn, but not enough to get across town… As much as I’d like to, it’s not unlimited.” – A little laugh escaped your lips, followed by a shrug.

“What?! No. Are you crazy?!  We went off the deep end tonight, I’m not letting you drive, don’t even think about it.” – He tightened his hold on you, trying to stop you, while his free hand searched in your every pocket, looking for your car keys. He finally pulled the out of your reach.

“What are you doing?! Give me that back, now.” – Huffing in annoyance, you desperately tried to reach for the keys, that he kept triumphantly dangling in front of your face, but you couldn’t catch them. His grin was wider than ever, and he seemed somehow amused by the whole situation.

“You can crash at my house (Y/N), it’s just down the street from here. It’s not the Ritz, or Claridge’s…” – He stated with a solemn face that ultimately broke into another smile. – “Buuuuut it has Handsome Bob here, and that fact itself makes it a five star accommodation, right?” – He threw his arm around you, biting your cheek playfully.

“Yeah, right, Mr. Pain in the ass!” – You glared at him.

“Come, let’s go, soldier. Our mission here has been accomplished.”

“Idiot.” – Muttering under your breath, you slapped his arm playfully before you burst out laughing.

The walk home was not as quick as he had told you, but the high and his company made it slightly more bearable than you thought it would be.

When you got home, you threw yourself on his sofa, looking at your surroundings; the house wasn’t big, but it was pretty cozy, and surprisingly tidy, for what you’d expect from a hot mess like Bob. Your contemplation came to an end when Bob laid on the sofa, with his head on your lap.

“Should I show you our suite , milady?”

Our suite didn’t sound bad, considering that a) he was gay, and b) you wouldn’t mind sleeping with him at all, regardless of his sexual orientation.

“Sure.” – Tilting your head, you brushed your fingers across his temple, with a smile of approval.

You ended up staying like that a little while longer, and then they headed off to the bedroom.

“Is it to your liking?” – He questioned as he slowly took his shirt off.

The sight was indeed to your liking, but you quickly snapped out of it, realizing he was probably talking about the bedroom.

“Right now, any bed would be to my liking…” – You took your pants off, putting them on a chair in the corner. – “But thank you for your hospitality, your bed seems really comfy.” – Giggling, you nodded, with your hands on your hips, taking another look at the bed.

As he was taking off what was left of his clothes, he stared at you from the corner of his eye, watching you unbutton what was left of yours.

“You know…” - Before he could finish the sentence, you turned to face him and he approached you, inhaling deeply.

“Yes?”

“I still have some energy left… Maybe we could play a little bit before going to sleep.”

“What do you have in mind? There aren’t many games for two, but we’ll find something. But you ought to know, I can get very competitive while pla…”

“Play…” – He whispered in your ear, after tucking your hair behind it. His hand encircled your waist, pulling you closer.

“That pill messed with your head, you’re just high, Bob.” – Biting your lips, you hands ran over his chiseled chest.

“High doesn’t mean delusional. The world is full of unlimited possibilities, isn’t it?” – Smirking, his lips trailed down your neck, as his hand slid inside the edge of your panties. He heard your breath quickening, warm on his neck. – “So, do you want to play or not?” – He faced you, forehead resting on yours and his lips so close you could feel their warmth on yours. – “Hmm?” – You squirmed as his thumb stroked your clit in a slow circular motion.

Your mouth fell agape, a low moan escaping your lips, as you nodded in response to his question. You could feel yourself getting wetter and wetter with his touch, aching for more; he could feel it too, and he complied, sliding two of his wet fingers up and down your slit.

“Oh..” – You gasped, closing your eyes, and he reached for your lips, kissing you almost animally.

He picked you up, laying you on the bed, with a devilish smirk, before he savagely kissed you again. One of his hands grabbed a fistful of your hair, while the other got a rid of your panties, before he spread your legs and his fingers insatiably penetrated you once again. Your breath was quick and heavy against his lips, and waves of pleasure shot through you as he rubbed you and pumped his fingers inside you. You could feel yourself contract, sucking him deeper, a loud moan escaping your lips as you clutched the bedsheets with both hands, growing wetter until finally came. Exhaling slowly and loudly, you opened your eyes, letting go of the sheets; he was licking the tip of his fingers, tasting you before he came to kiss you once more.

“Fuck me…” – You laid your head to a side, panting.

“No, fuck me…” – Lying atop of you, he pressed his hardness against you. – “I want you to fuck me… With that uniform of yours… I want to feel you inside me.” – His breath was hot on the nape of your neck, and he started a trail of hungry passionate kisses that ultimately stopped on your lips.

You shot him a surprised look and a giddy laugh escapes his full lips. He got up, going through the drawers in his bedside table; in the bottom drawer, he found what he was looking for: a strap-on dildo, and a half-empty bottle of lube. You open your mouth to say something, multiple times, but you ended up saying nothing at all.

“I’ll help you putting it on! Now, the uniform…” – He threw you the jacket of your uniform, before coming back to bed.

“Wait, are you serious? I’ve never…”

“It will be fun…” – He bit your earlobe. – “I think you might even like it…”

He placed himself on all-fours on the bed; you rubbed the strap-on dildo, starting by its thick shaft, smearing lube all over it. Bob could feel the tip of the dildo against his ass; your hand gently guided the tip inside him with. He groaned loudly, and you could feel his body quivering under yours, as you slowly slid deeper inside him. Asking for more, he grabbed the sheet, biting the pillow softly to control his moans. With a wicked smile, you grabbed his buttocks, squeezing them tight and thrusting deeper into him. A feeling very close to ecstasy bloomed within him when you reached and stroked his prostate, his boner throbbing in sync with his quickened heartbeat.

“Turn around…” – You smacked a flattened palm on his butt.

“What?” – He turned his head to face you; he was sweating and breathing heavily.

“You heard me, babe.” – You stopped the thrusts, and your hands slid slowly up his back.

He nodded and laid back on the bed, you gave him a provocative smirk; grabbing the collars of your uniform, he pulled you for a deep passionate kiss. Your hands slid down to his slippery hard cock, and you started rubbing in a slowly, steady rhythm. Another moan escaped his lips, and you bit his lower lip playfully as you slid the dildo inside him again.

You kept hitting the right spot, and your hand went down to cup his balls, stroking them gently before you wrapped your hand around his shaft again. His loud moans filled the room, his voice growing raspy, and his muscles clenched as he tried to hold orgasm.

“I’m gonna come.” – He growled lowly, at the edge of climax.

You stopped thrusting and focused on stroking his cock harder, slightly faster; a few moments later, placing your thumb against his tip, you rub it slowly. You wanted to taste him as you made him cum, savor him; you tongue ran in tormenting slow motions his testicles, before it moved along his whole length. He could feel the provocative effect of your eyes glued on his. With a loud moan he placed the tip of his impatient cock on your lips, and you allowed him to thrust inside your mouth; within seconds you could taste his thick load across your tongue and swallowed it. He didn’t thought you would, but it was an incredibly pleasant sight, more than he expected.

“Nice shot...”

Before you knew it, he started taking what was left of your uniform off, and removing the strap-on, throwing everything on the floor. Grasping one of your breasts, his lips explored every bit of your skin.

“I thought female bodies didn’t interest you…” – You teased him, closing your eyes as his full lips slid across your neck.

“Shut up.” – Planting a desperate kiss across your lips, he placed your legs around his waist, the tip of his cock rubbing teasingly on your clit.

“Bob…” – You moaned lowly in his ear, heightening his desire to insane levels. His hardness, his smell, his touch, his kiss… Every little thing about him was driving you insane. – “I want you.”

He traced your wet folds with the tip of his cock; you could feel your insides lubricating more with each touch. You were hot, more than ready, and dripping wet, making it easier for him to slide his rock hard cock inside you. Your cheeks flushed pink, and you bit your lower lip, your whole body clenching in arousal. The rhythm of his thrusts increased, and his thumb rubbed your clit simultaneously, as fiery pleasure washed over your whole body. You dug your nails into his back, crying out in pleasure as he throbbed vigorously inside you; he was delighted to please you in such ways.

The blood rushed through your veins, your body arched against him and your toes curled, as pleasure engulfed your entire body. Bob’s husky moans filled your ears, at the same time he slammed his body against yours.

“Yes! Yes, baby! Don’t stop!” – You breathed in short gasps, and couldn’t help but letting out high-pitch moans.

Thrusting inside you as he pleased, his throbbing cock deliciously filled you, stroking the deepest places inside you, a slick wet abyss of pleasure he didn’t know he would love so much. Your walls squeezed around him tightly and you whimpered, as pure bliss took over your whole body.

He could see in your face that you were close, so he took his sweet time to make you come. You both climaxed and he collapsed on top of you, gasping for air, before he planted a slow gentle kiss on your lips. He kept inside you for some more minutes, feeling your heat, while taking the messy hair off your face; after exhaling loudly, you giggled.

“Wow.” – Lifting your eyebrows, you placed your hands his neck, bringing him closer and kissing him fervently.

Lying by your side, he growled happily, bringing you closer; nestling your head against his chest, you closed your eyes. His hand shyly reached for yours; when he felt you squeezed his in response, he smiled and kissed the top of your head, letting his lips rest there for the rest of the night

[variousqueerthings]

Tom Hardy Movies rated least to most queer

I made a list of some Tom Hardy movies and I rated them based on my own, non-specific criteria about what makes a movie queer. Results below the cut.

(Some films not included, because I haven’t watched them yet, because Mr Hardy’s only in them for a few minutes, because the subject matter doesn’t lend itself to this list, or because I just don’t want’em here. TV series also not included. The list is organised into both groups and ratings, because I’m doing The Most.)

Movies are divided into four groups and rated from 0 – 10 on the Queer-Scale, scroll down to the bottom if you want the ratings without the commentary.

Disclaimer: This list is subjective. Don’t come at me because I didn’t rate Inception higher, Nolan himself is as queer as cargo shorts. 

1. This movie would make more sense if it were queer

If this movie were queer it… might not become a perfect film all of a sudden, but it’d make a hell of a lot more sense than what’s actually going on. With an occasional dose of “are the cis-straights okay?”

This Means War (2012): So Chris Pine and Tom Hardy are ostensibly both in love with Reese Witherspoon, but say “I love you” to each other pretty much constantly throughout the movie and their friendship is often presented as a domestic partnership. Cool, cool, cooool.

Queer Rating: 2 out of 10. This movie hate-crimed me by having Tom Hardy literally spell out his relationship with Chris Pine, only for the script to then have him say… “can you imagine all that… but with a woman…” Later on the movie explicitly denies polyamory is possible. Fuck this film.

The Dark Knight Rises (2012): Batman movies should always be queer. Mr. Hardy’s the only one who acceptably camps it up, despite Nolan’s best attempts to make him “acceptably gruff.” No matter what you do, Bane is a massive daddy in a mask and thanks to Mr Hardy’s honestly iconic fucking speech pattern in this film, it goes from pretty atrociously straight to just queer enough to imagine a future where Robert Pattinson plays batman and maybe adopts a bunch of kids.

(the only truly decent mask in this franchise tbh)

Queer Rating: 3 out of 10. Mr Hardy’s back is the one that’s actually broken carrying any semblance of fun in this overly long movie all on his own.

Lawless (2012): Wow, this really was the year of the not-queer-enough, wasn’t it? Look, it’s “based on a real story,” but it’s also a movie and movies don’t need to stick to the truth, and this one certainly doesn’t. Was the guy queer in real life? I don’t know. But that doesn’t matter, what matters is that it’s just kind of an eh movie and maybe being queer would add something to it. One of those “but why make someone queer? because it’s always more interesting to do so,” movies.

Queer Rating: 3 out of 10. It’s just not queer. But Tom Hardy wears cardigans and described his character as a “mother figure,” which adds an interesting dynamic to him.

2. Actually Queer but in a homophobic way

Tom Hardy plays a canonically queer character, yaaay. The whole movie contains a strange sense of the director being too not-queer to actually engage with that and everything around him is almost aggressively straight, noooo.

RocknRolla (2008): Honestly this movie has the funniest coming out scene ever + that familiar undertone of “all these manly men secretly want to fuck each other” is only heightened by one of them actually being gay and in love with his best friend. It’s such a fucking… it’s such a movie. Personally I find Mark Strong, Idris Elba, Thandie Newton, and, of course, Tom Hardy to be really hot in it, so that’s a plus. There’s a scene in which Strong’s character teaches another gangster how to do a proper backhand. It’s really gay of him. Also slow-dancing at a gay club. Butler’s character needs to get himself together, you really don’t think 2008 Tom Hardy is hot? Mate.

(left to right: functional queer, disaster queer, distinguished queer)

Queer Rating: 6 out of 10, for having an actual gay character who is played by Tom Hardy doing a sexy phonecall voice to another guy, but then there’s that feeling you can’t shake that the whole movie is vaguely uncomfortable about it, like a family member awkwardly patting you on the shoulder after they found out you were queer second-hand, but they’ve still got 50 years of bias to unlearn. Also Thandie Newton is killed, fuck that noise. 

Legend (2015): If I had a nickle for the amount of times Tom Hardy’s played a gay gangster, I’d have two nickles. Which isn’t a lot, but weird that it happened twice (looks at Peaky Blinders and thinks it ought to be three times). I’ve watched Legend three times and every time it just… loses me. And because this is a biased list, I’ll only specifically mention that it fails to make Ron’s queerness anything but a way for him to shock others. Gangsters could be gay? Gasp! On the upside Tom Hardy has so much sexual tension with everyone in this movie, including himself (why would you do that? Asks Ron, bemused. Because I can’t kill you, no matter how much I fucking want to, hisses a blood-soaked Reggie right into his ear. It’s hot).

Queer rating: 5 out of 10 because the film is just not very queer for a movie with several queer men in it.

3. Straight as a forced family dinner

It’s straight.

Locke (2013): He’s a married man who had an affair and trying to deal with the fallout of it. This isn’t a spoiler for most of the movie, it’s a pretty neat movie where we look at Tom Hardy having a bit of a mental breakdown and taking lots of phonecalls (my personal hell). Is it queer? Not in the slightest.

Queer Rating: 2 out of 10 for Hardy’s face being in almost every shot.

The Revenant (2015): Yeah, yeah, DeCaprio’s and Hardy’s characters are obsessed with each other, yeah it’s a man’s world where the only women are dead wife, kidnapped sexually assaulted native princess, or background whore, yeah, they fight each other and there’s a ton of grunting, but also… I just fucking don’t like this movie. The thin line where a storyline like this one becomes queer might be crossed for others, but not for me. Fuck these guys and their stupid  bear fights.

Queer rating: 3 out of 10 for it being about dirty men in the middle of nowhere (but you could just watch Brokeback Mountain or The Lighthouse or God’s Own Country or any Mad Max, or, or, or…)

4. Queer? Queer. Queer? … Queer…

The plots, aesthetics and/or characters played by Tom Hardy lend themselves to a queer reading, even if there is no overt intention towards queerness. Often this is because of a deliberate lack of heterosexual and/or cisgender writing, which in this day and age is still pretty uncommon not to include within a plot.

Inception (2010): Okay, I don’t even need to write about the added “darling,” or the “go to sleep Mr Eames.” I don’t need to go on about the absolutely bonkers amount of fanfiction written for Eames and Arthur, based on a few minutes of film and a boatload of chemistry. It’s queer.

Queer Rating: 7 out of 10, because the actual plot of the film isn’t very queer, but between the Arthur/Eames dynamic and Elliot Page, Nolan was really given a gift he didn’t deserve.

Warrior (2011): Okay, so first off, this might be my favourite Tom Hardy film, at least some part of my brain is fixated on it at almost all times and I’m considering watching it for the third time in two weeks. I don’t only consider it queer based on Mr. Hardy’s character, although he has no romantic or sexual interest and could be read as aroace, but because of the themes, especially those surrounding said character, who is coded as a caregiver to women and through close emotional connections to men. It’s got possibly unintentional deconstructions of masculinity and two men (brothers) who need to forgive each other and can only do so through the catharsis of violence. It speaks to me as a transmasc with several cis brothers, struggling with my own masculinity. It’s not at all written for me, but I find myself all over it. I could talk about this movie forever.

Queer Rating: 8 out of 10. I’m not allowed to say any more or I’ll never stop writing about it. I love you Tommy…

The Drop (2014): Bob’s lack of sexual and/or romantic interest in Naomi is so strange to her that she doesn’t know what he would want from her otherwise. Bob really just wants to raise a dog with her (and also forgiveness for past sins). Bob is such a rare ace and possibly aro coded character, it really throws me every time I watch this film how obvious it is. Bonus points for also being autistic-coded and not in the stereotypical ways.

(Tom Hardy’s most challenging role: pretending he doesn’t know dogs)

Queer Rating: 9 out of 10 because it’s so fucking rare to see ace and aro coded characters that aren’t, you know…. serial killers. Also Tom Hardy adopts a puppy and has a very cute, kinda lispy voice. How often does Tom Hardy play softer men like this?

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015): Very deliberately no sexual or romantic writing included in Max’s and Furiosa’s relationship. Sure, there’s not a lot of time for that in the post-apocalyptic wasteland, but it was also done with a purpose! “It was always going to be two warriors on par, starting off with very little respect for each other and ending up with a massive respect for each other.” - Charlize Theron. “So of course they meet, of course there’s a relationship, an unspoken understanding. A recognition.” - Tom Hardy.

Queer Rating: 9 out of 10. It’s not just the characters, but the world and it’s apocalyptic BDSM leather scene, the questions it asks about sustainability and about people as tools, and the found family. It’s about overcoming violence through multiple kinds of love. And it’s about watching a guy playing flame-thrower guitar. What could be queerer?

Venom (2018): Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same… No, but Eddie is queer. The only question is whether the sequel will acknowledge that aspect or not, but even if not. Even if it manages to straightly bypass the reality of a symbiotic relationship with a genderless? genderfluid? being from another world that is linked to you down to your very cells and understands you more intimately than any other person possibly could… even if all that: Eddie is queer. Venom and Eddie are in a relationship. Any relationship Eddie ever enters into will automatically become a thrupple. He makes out with Venom in the movie! Eddie is queer.

(aw yeah that tongue is going down his throat)

Queer Rating: 9.5 out of 10, because it’s still coded by the creators in the language of bromance (hey, bro, is it gay if we’re physically and emotionally closer than any other people on earth?), but the movie is so, so camp and Mr Hardy’s acting choices are beautiful – the screaming? The lispy soft voice and lack of taking up space? The lobster tank? The only people who don’t know how queer this is are the people making it apparently. Fingers crossed for that sequel!

Hon. mentions:

Star Trek: Nemesis (2002): Star Trek – even at it’s worst (especially at its worst?) – is camp af + Hardy is a straight-up baby in this film.

Bronson (2008): It’s about a real person who’s still alive, so I won’t comment on the actual man. However the film seems to code the character Bronson along an ace line and also has genderqueering Vaudeville. Someone let Tom Hardy do more of whatever was going on in those stage-bits.

(this right here: this the good shit)

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011): Another ensemble piece not massively about Hardy’s character, but it’s a movie that centers around queerness in a strange, depressing way. Tom Hardy’s character isn’t queer. Colin Firth and Mark Strong are though. The book makes me cry.

Peaky Blinders (2013-): Because it’s a TV series I left it out. There’s a lot of straight nonsense going on there, but Alfie Solomens is gay. There’s nothing in the series that disputes that and plenty that lends itself to the reading.

Dunkirk (2017): Tom Hardy plays an RAF pilot in a deep emotional connection with the other main RAF pilot. That’s immediately gay. However he’s not in the movie much because of the way it’s constructed, so I left it off.

Queer Ratings (least to most)

No queer to be found here traveller:

This Means War: 2 out of 10 - illegal movie, Tom Hardy swore he wouldn’t do another rom-com after

Locke: 2 out of 10 - straight Welshman and his straight problems. He pretty though

Lawless: 3 out of 10 - cardigan-Hardy being a mother-hen, but very straight for all that

The Dark Knight Rises: 3 out of 10 - a superhero movie that doesn’t deserve Mr Hardy’s camp talents (unlike Venom)

The Revenant: 3 out of 10 - doesn’t give me what I want out of a movie full of dirty, bearded men

Queer but we deserve more:

Legend: 5 out of 10 - timid homosexuality, considering the source material. 

RocknRolla: 6 out of 10 - hey bro, is it gay if we kill the only female lead in our massive ensemble cast

The queerest of Hardy’s:

Inception: 7 out of 10 - Elliot Page and JGL kissing was an all-around terrible choice that made no sense, we know the truth, Nolan

Warrior: 8 out of 10 - I’m still crying, Edgerton’s crying, Hardy’s crying, we’re all crying, and I think that’s really emotionally healthy and queer of us

Mad Max: Fury Road: 9 out of 10 - non-romantic love in the time of BDSM post-apocalyptic wastelands is something that can actually be so personal

The Drop: 9 out of 10 - “Fucking punk. Go out to dinner dressed like you're still in you living room! You wear those big hippity-hoppity clown shoes! You speak to women terribly! You treat them despicably! You hurt harmless dogs that can't defend themselves! I'm tired of you man. I'm tired of you. You embarrass me!”

Venom: 9.5 out of 10 - Sometimes a relationship is an anxious reporter, the sentient goo inhabiting his body, his kinda-ex-girlfriend and her new doctor boyfriend, and I think that’s beautiful

[thatdamnokie]

today, i watched rocknrolla for the first time and kept a running tab of live commentary which can be found below the cut and is a stupid amount of ridiculous and will not make ANY sense unless you’ve also seen rocknrolla and like--have some vague memory of how the movie happens because this was all pretty much stream-of-consciousness or whatever.

yoooo i dig the opening song. okay. off to a good start.

for real thought the dark castle logo was hogwarts fml

is that… mark’s voice?

who is this muscular motherfucker?

LOOK AT THAT FUCKING BONG PIPE THING

that’s as tall as a toddler what the fuck

look at all these people in this movie!

THAT WAS MARK

mr. strong ladies and gentleman

… wait lenny looks super familiar, what else have i seen him in.

this all seems very complicated.

idris and gerard!

counselor’s cute too

why is everyone in this movie so fucking cute

WHERE ELSE HAVE I SEEN THIS GUY

every time mark speaks i jump

wait is that—gerard’s actual accent?

lenny, you are a terrifying dude.

and mark i want to ruffle your hair.

archie, that profile, sweet gracious.

… fuck he’s in the background and i just can’t stop looking at him.

this all sounds very, very complicated.

he calls him “len” omg

“do i look like a fucking immigrant” u h m

okay so pretty sure i don’t like lenny, they should just let archie be the leader

enter the russiannnsss

your sweater is dumb russian guy

i like his accent though

guys i don’t know enough about real estate hustling to be able to explain this to another person

aw sweet russian sweater man giving him his painting

… wait no camera man show me the painting

“whiskey is the new vodka” sure yuri whatever you say

lenny i can shoot whiskey better than you can you fucking bitch

dude you can’t hold your sauce can you?

archie

archie help him

fuck he is so handsome

that jawline

“famous archie smile” I WANNA SEE

dude you need to be nicer to people when whiskey makes you that sweaty?

… i’m sorry but i think i could outdrink arch’s boss???

bless whoever made mark narrator

yooooo stella!

i like her!

dude she looks boss as fuck

“i don’t feel like smiling”

dude a marriage of convenience where you don’t have regular sex sounds awful

“welcome to the—speeler?” did he say speeler?

tom!

some of the names in the opening credits didn’t look familiar but these faces do.

wait is gerard gay or was he making a joke?

that. accent. gracious.

just picture that growling in your ear. fuck, i want a british boyfriend guys. i mean it.

i like the color scheme of all this like everything’s—muted, but still classy?

okay i dig 1-2 and stella’s broship.

can you imagine just calling him twelve to save time

“just a black eye, nothing more.”

dude she has louboutins! or something like them! the ones with the red bottoms, i’m probably misspelling it.

hanging out at the country club. very classy.

arch, you’re all limbs.

… you’re also scary.

duuuuude he has a way of talking that just makes me nervous. like an undercurrent of a threat, things implied…

“in there like swimwear” i’m stealing that.

duuuuude lenny’s robe though?

i got office envy! look at that desk.

WHO FALLS BACKWARDS IN THEIR CHAIR

oh shit they took the painting

… that i still don’t know what it looks like, guys let me see it

len you are boned.

“and archie’s gonna have to go… to work.”

he is literally the tallest dude in every shot.

is he giving him slapping lessons rn.

… yes he is.

oh

oh

oh no

JESUS

ARCHIE

we do NOT HIT PEOPLE

gracious.

i’m torn because on one hand, that would probably really fucking hurt, his hands are probably as big as my fucking face

on the other hand—would i let mark strong slap me?

… maybe.

“but you keep the receipts because this ain’t the mafia”

idrisssss

fuck if he smiled at me like that i’d do whatever he said too

“everybody have fun tonight! <3” :D EVERYBODY WANG CHUNG TONIGHT

“now fuck off”

oh twelve

ugh all the style in this movie.

wardrobe goals.

i want that bag.

“… maybe.” bro you said that like you wanted the d, and i can’t say i blame you.

i like how yuri says london.

for a split second i thought that was tom holland???

ohhhhh what’s gonna happen now!

does everyone just like—drive mark around in these movies

OMG it’s the same money

this shit is hysterical

i want to mess his hair up. because if we were in public he’d probably hate it and tbh i’d be too scared to do it but maybe privately…

guys… i feel like i’d fit into the uk.

ohhhhh an INFORMANT

… oh that dude is cute!

oh that dude is CRAZY

oh, drugs, right. these are the drugs i do not do.

his name is TWELVE archie

see, he’s so good at being quietly threatening

his laugh is so… <3

i think ship stella and yuri—

oh FUCK i forgot she was married

he’s also gay as shit, yuri

dude she just got so sad…

“you devil”

oh duuuuuude

you want that v so bad and it is so obvious

they both have nice hands.

poor bob. :(

twelve you sweet scottish bastard.

OH

UHM

OKAY

that’s a twist.

twelve noooo

dude be cool

DUDE

DUDE THIS IS NOT HOW YOU HANDLE THIS

CALM DOWN

oh my god

duuuuude, twelve.

dude.

bob. bob honey i am so sorry.

is he crying? T.T

TWELVE DO SOMETHING

“no I’M FUCKING SORRY”

YEAH WELL YOU SHOULD BE

a—a poof?

is ‘poof’ a bad word?

guys i don’t know anything about british slang.

bob honey relax…

ohhhhh i’m not sure if that was a smart question to ask right that second.

archie, you’re so classy and wonderful and probably wouldn’t freak out on people like that. probably.

this van gentleman is so delightful ( i am so bad at names rn )

so his nickname is van gentleman.

TANK

there we go.

i like this broship.

in which arch continues to be all. fucking. leg.

OH SHIT

i was NOT PREPARED

“like most things american they’ve eaten the natives” i mean…

i really like his comparison of the crayfish and greed, but like… i also really want bbq now… (have you HAD bbq crayfish? shit’s delicious.)

also HOLY SHIT was not expecting them to be stuck on him like leeches? that’s terrifying.

archie has like—this hidden mercy about him… like he got a weird look on his face and i couldn’t tell if it had to do with the quid dude or putting the other guy back in with the crayfish.

it’s his STEPSON?

ohhhhh an american!

oh he is handsome.

mickey. <3

what else have i seen this rocker dude in…

“ladies of the pole”

mickey’s hat ftw

oh this fedora guy is cute.

JUNE

i love that name AND her bangs!

this movie was a phenomenal soundtrack

aaannnddd definitely thought that dude was masturbating for a second

wait is that the guy from the beginning?

LENNY

... wwwooooowwww

lenny is an ASSHOLE

LENNY

johnny, johnny honey you do not deserve this

why is this movie full of people who deserve better than they got???

LENNY don’t you DARE

that is NOT OKAY

FUCK YOU

gosh, kid, bless your heart…

SHOW ME THIS FUCKING PAINTING

there are so many different accents in this movie and all it’s doing is confirming the fact that i never left my “i want a boyfriend with a nice voice” phase

“guns nuns and cowboys” idk what this bonanza thing is but i’m in

johnny you are very scary and i’m sorry that your stepdad made you like this.

dude stop touching june?

“it’s tasty and exotic—a bit like your june.” lenny you’re disgusting.

that’s an intense line of questioning, lenny.

this fucking painting.

ARCHIE

STOP FUCKING WITH THE MICROPHONE

oh my god

i literally just want him to never stop talking

omg bob.

dude twelve looks piiiiiiissed.

i think… i missed a part of the plot.

guys i want to be a part of this world but i’m only able to say that because no one’s very asked me to like… torture someone.

or sleep with someone gross.

victor you handsome bastard.

russian is such a guttural language i love it

FUCK YOU LENNY

at least you’re getting better at shooting your whiskey? fucking asshole.

like i like him less and less because he’s just GROSS you guys

jk could still outdrink him.

if you touch archie lenny i will reach through his screen and rip your face off.

i really wouldn’t be threatening someone who could snap you in half but okay

who the hell is cookie?

COOKIE

you look like a one-many party

omg where are your pants

cookie

cookie i love you you disaster of a man

omg i want to be invited to one of these parties

like just let me relax in a corner with an old fashioned and a cute boy

OHHH THEY FUCKED

OH

OKAY

that explains a lot

dude bob that’s—okay but like they thought he was going to prison, that was just an accident

wait does archie know?

dude stella i want to be your friend so you can help me with my wardrobe

… twelve. twelve what are you doing.

stella looks so fucking unimpressed

YEAH BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING

dude, stella, girl, i’m sorry

at least one of you can dance

oh bertie you gay as shit

stella why did you marry this man

i like this closed captioning thing they’re doing.

who. is. the. informant.

“and remember—i *am* dangerous.” yes you are baby.

bertie you are so awkward

bob. bobby no. D:

BOB

oh bertie don’t act like you didn’t like getting bossed around i saw it in your face

y’all he is fucking ENAMORED

i’d go see this guy live.

that bouncer wasn’t fucking around. one hit knockouts.

… john. johnny. what are you doing

JOHNNY DO NOT STAB THE BOUNCER

HE IS MAKING ME SO NERVOUS

HOLY SHIT

JOHNNY

ALL RIGHT COOL LET’S JUST SHANK THE BOUNCER

johnny you are batshit crazy

“fucking mutt” wait, what does that mean?

mumbles is a handsome man.

ohhhh this is an awkward conversation.

“made a pass.” right.

ohhhh. oh he knows.

twelve, dude, i’m sorry.

he looks so uncomfortable.

but hey like this means they didn’t fuck so that’s a thing?

boooob, sweetheart. <3

they’re all such good mixes of good and evil.

except lenny. fuck lenny.

ooooo that lady has pretty hair.

oh wait THAT’S cookie?

then who was pantsless homie?

this movie has such a big cast and i can keep track of like four people.

this club lounge place looks cool though.

he helped him get off the rock? that’s pretty rad.

p.s. this movie has a great soundtrack tbh.

all the same kiddos maybe just stick to weed and the occasional hallucinogens

say no to cocaine and crack

oh, johnny. :(

buddy.

holy SHIT this guy’s scars though!

DUDE

how many scars do these russian guys HAVE

… ADJNSJANSOAPSLKKJADSM

TRAIN

OKAY

WAIT NO TRUCK

JESUS

… more scars i guess?

… wait i wonder if archie has scars like that?

ohhhhh noooo yuri.

yuri did your friends die?

LENNY you’re racist and i do not like you.

oooohhhh why do i feel like so many bad things are gonna happen in the last part of this movie.

twelve you’re limping my baby who hurt you

… oh

OH

THAT is who hurt you

also i ship those two russian guys

i like how stella was apparently just watching the entire thing from a distance

and then has the audacity to critique him lmfao

holly shit right into a STOREFRONT

dude NONE of y’all are having a good day

this entire scene is fucking—something else

guns

knives

golf clubs

just

anything you can pick up and use as a weapon at all

WHAT THE FUCK

ARE THESE DUDES JUST INDESTRUCTIBLE

“ABANDON SHIP RUN FOR YOUR LIVES”

YEAH BITCH AGREED

OH SHIT COPS

BOB ARE YOU JUST GONNA WAVE LIKE THEY’RE YOUR BROS

THIS IS STRESSFUL

PARKOUR

bob you look like a puppy

and twelve looks like a zombie

and then there’s mumbles who just stole the coolest bike helmet i’ve ever seen

twelve, honey, you just can’t catch a break

dude russian guy is fucking RIPPED

kudos to who did the cinematography of this because it looks fucking cool

this is the slowest high-intensity chase i’ve ever seen

ripped and covered in blood. i dig it.

twelve you faker

oh hi ruskies

archie do you own any clothing that’s not black, grey or blue…?

fuck i love that jacket, but it’s so long it just makes him look even taller

LENNY

YOU NEED TO NOT BE SO FUCKING RACIST?

and get your hands off his testicles!

gracious.

everyone in this movie needs jesus.

johnny stop calling him pedro.

can…. can i see the painting please.

please.

guys.

this poor scottish guy.

yuri got cake.

johnny… sorta reminds me of freddie mercury in some of these shots? for like a few seconds at a time.

… okay so i’m full of dread between this monologue and what’s happening on the golf course.

lenny. buddy. you really got like. not do that. stop calling everyone immigrants

OH SHIT

GET HIM

GET HIM VICTOR

YOU GO BABY

this is a weird juxtaposition in terms of scenes though?

like

lenny getting his legs beat

and johnny’s super sad speech about the cigs

dude i can’t bring myself to feel bad for len.

wait where’s archie?

“and that is also why i cannot give that painting back.”

this is a set up for something really really bad.

and then they have moments where they act like dudes i know and i warm up to pete and johnny.

bobby stop fucking with that poor man. you’re gonna make him fall in love with you.

“i’m going back to bed.” “can i come?”

*smack* okay, that shit was funny.

johnny you need some chicken.

oh these motherfuckers.

… guys i wanna be a rocknrolla

lmao a protest

that flat looks disgusting.

dude you need to treat your bro better

ASJANSJASN

THEY TOOK THE PAINTING

CAN I SEE IT

LET ME SEE THIS FUCKING PAINTING

OH MY GOD THIS IS GREAT

if this movie ends without me seeing this fucking painting i’m going to kill someone

good man cookie.

TANK’S WATCHING P&P

COOKIE YOU DA REAL MVP

gerard’s laugh though

OH

… well then

like if she wasn’t so unhappy in her marriage i’d feel bad

THE INFORMANT YES TELL ME

… sydney shaw?

“where did he learn a word like pseudonym?”

awwww he likes her…

oh she likes him!

okay good because that sex didn’t look romantic at all.

“you’ve got very good taste mr. one-two.”

lenny fuck you.

you’re gonna be alive for like three more years, relax.

archie. <3 that protectiveness—even if it is for lenny.

aaannnnddd enter the russians.

what a clustfuck.

wait TWELVE

DAMNIT TWELVE

OPEN YOUR EYES

… oh you are FUCKED

ooosajdnaksdjnajsdna this is anxiety-inducing

y’all this is why drugs are bad

and then nice outside scene. birds chirping. looks like a lovely day.

oh shit ARCHIE WITH A GUN

there’s no way that twelve is still alive

what the FUCK

am i SEEING

dude archie, me too

omg ARCHIE HELP HIM

that SMILE

dude i’d laugh too

OH

OH SHIT

welp.

okay, we all figured archie was gonna kill people

put your FUCKING TONGUE BACK IN YOUR MOUTH

wait he SHOT TWELVE?

omg everything is happening at once.

wait, stella, what’d you do?

OMG

dude she looked FREAKED OUT

yuri… dude, what are you doing…?

UHM

WHAT

WAIT

WHAT IS HAPPENING

STELLA YOU LITERALLY FUCKED TWELVE LIKE A SECOND AGO

ohhhhhhhhhh

ohhhhhhh noooooo

ohhhhh NOOOOO

oh stella, honey you in danger girl

archie looks a thousand percent done and he’s been around this kid thirty seconds

wait archie was in prison?

this sydney shaw person put arch in prison…

duuuuuude younger!archie ;-;

“uncle arch” T.T

WHAT the fuck, lmao

just whipping out his gun, nbd

archie stop that. they’re babies.

johnny man you’ve—been fucked up for a while.

dude archie you look miserable.

ohhhh nobody died.

THANK YOU ARCHIE

GET HIM

i hate this entire family.

who all is about to die in this weird basement silent hill place.

… dude. johnny’s face though.

like i’ve felt like NO sympathy for lenny this entire time but i feel bad for johnny. :/

“a hot bath and a cold razor”

… dude

“because you’re poison john.”

o u c h

but like he is CRAZY

like

help i don’t know who to feel for

i feel for everyone

… except lenny

OH SHIT

WHAT THE FUCK

LENNY

JESUS

DUDE

HE IS GOING TO KILL HIS OWN STEPSON

what the fuck is happening.

YES THE INFORMANT

wait.

WAIT.

IT’S FUCKING LENNY????

OH MY GOD

“you are a VERY dirty bastard sydney.”

WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT

THE

FUCK

NO

STOP KILLING EVERYONE

I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS

NO NO NO NO  NO NO NO

NO NO NO NO THIS ISN’T WHAT I WANTED

this is STRESSFUL

“put your hands up!”

*thud*

okay that was funny

THE BOYS!

oh, archie.

oooohhhhh… all this shit…

archie. fuck, you can hear the betrayal in his voice.

shit, this is sad.

“there is no spring without a winter. no life without death.”

… archie?

oh a time skip!

oh SHIT johnny got a GLO UP

“c’mon then give us a cuddle”

i’ll GLADLY you give you a cuddle

OH MY GOD THE PAINTING

SHOW ME

S H O W M E

… you literally put those russian guys in pieces, didn’t you archie.

you terrifying motherfucker.

GUYS I WANT TO BE IN THIS WORLD

FUCK YOU GO GET THEM JOHNNY

... wait was there supposed to be a sequel?

… WAIT

WAIT  NO

NO

YOU FUCKING SHOW ME THAT GOD DAMN PAINTING

oh my god.

fuck it.

fuck that.

nope.

like mid-credit scenes are the least y’all can do.

… wait is that tom and gerard just like fucking with each other, it might be, that’s sort of adorable.

dude that gay club looks like fun though.

i don’t dance because i’ll spill my drink but.

awwwww guys i could watch them dance forever, like, this shit is funny.

ohhhh i hope this means that archie becomes the new lenny. he’d be a much better lenny.

and now we sway to this groovy end credit music while i sit and seethe in hatred that i never saw the painting and i’m pissed about it. :))))))

… fuck.

welp, guess i’ll just have to write shit about how the fuck this dude falls in love with a cop then.

[fulwoodlondon]

Get both our classic swallow t's in one great value pack! . @hannahelle.x @walstowza shot by @declancreffield . #sceamoaf #alternativexfashion #featurealternatives #scenecandyfeatures #venuscene13 #grungeeinspo #grungefeed #grungephotography #alternativetogrunge #wewearkillstar #demonsfeature #mwfeature #sceneteen #scenexe #altguy #metalstyle #staymetal #darkartandcraft #creepmachine #darkartistry #inkedartgroup #tattooshurt #underground_tattooers #tattooworker #rockgirl #rockstyle #rocknrolla #emoboy #darkgrunge #tumblrfeed — view on Instagram https://ift.tt/2ud5Jvg

[suoyi]

Hiyer. How goes it? Hope you're good this week. We are. We've done a load of podcast recording. And the first one we're gonna share with you is this absolute beaut featuring the incredible voice of actor Mark Strong. You'll know Mark from loads of stuff. You might've seen him very recently in in Sky One's Temple alongside Craig and previous TSP guest Danny Mays. He's been in loads of other stuff including Kingsman, Sherlock Holmes, Shazam, Deep State, Green Lantern, The Imitation Game, RocknRolla, Zero Dark Thirty and loads, loads more. He's a prolifically brilliant actor and a completely wonderful person. He has a calm and considered demeanour with a voice to match, which we're sure you'll thoroughly enjoy listening to. We sat down with Mark in a swank club in Soho and got down to it. He told us of his joy at playing football matches with unorthodox kick-off times, not regretting turning jobs down, punk bands, being without his parents as a youth, the inexact science of making films, amongst tons of other stuff. This is episode ninety eight of the Two Shot Podcast with Mark Strong. Get in touch... Facebook- search 'Two Shot Podcast'  Twitter- @twoshotpod  Instagram- @twoshotpod  If you've enjoyed listening then please click through to https://www.patreon.com/twoshotpod to make a donation to the running costs of the show. You'll get bonus pictures, video and audio in return. Nice one.

[rockymountaingothic]

yo o o whats happening

I think a Guy Ritchie Raffles movie would be good ?

I don’t think he’s gonna, because ultimately it’s too similar to sherlock holmes which he’s already doing great with. But if he did, out of necessity it would walk talk and shoot gun differently. Probably more in the vein of The Man From U.N.C.L.E. with the expensive clothes and cars and high stakes sneaking around (napoleon solo even has the thief background so hyeah if you didn’t like his holmes adaptations pls go watch that)

And that would be amazing, right??? Holy fuck the dude makes crime movies /it’s what he does/ i would absolutely kill to see him take on /the gentleman thief/ archetype the way he took on /the secret agent/ in the man from uncle. here are some things raffles has that he has already demonstrated great use of in his other films

Morally ambiguous characters

Characters who are unbelievably good at one thing, usually a crime thing, and are flawed in almost every other way

Assholes who do shitty things but are so charming you can’t help but root for them

Usually because they’re up against someone who’s also on the wrong side of the law but also kills puppies or whatever, y’know. worse than them in some way

Narration

Card game scenes

CRIMES

Say what you will about RDJ as Holmes but that depiction of Victorian England kicks my ASS EVERYtime i watch game of shadows

So with that in mind here are some things I could see him doing and basically my version of a good Raffles adaptation by Guy Ritchie, and me, AJ

The movie starts with Wilful Murder, told as a pretty short introduction sequence. this shows us what their lives are like - as well as sets up the main conflict of the movie; their reputations are constantly in danger because of their activities. Raffles likes to think he isn’t above killing to prevent their exposure, and Bunny would follow him anywhere. But there’s no tension or suspense, because they fuck up climbing over the fence, they fuck up breaking the window, and they both trip over Angus Baird’s body and are extremely relieved like oh thank god.... thank fucking god he’s already dead (we realise yeah... these guys are kinda fuckin it up at the burglar thing...)

from upstairs, somebody shoots at them and BAM! TITLE SEQUENCE! Full of still frames and short slow mo clips of them rushing away from the house pursued by a gang of ruffians who had other beef with angus baird over idk a franz ferdinand song or something like that? what do the kids listen to these days. there are explosions, not sure why

dunno what the plot is but it involves at least three break ins, each zanier than the last, it probably takes some notes structure wise from Mr Justice Raffles but eh

Raffles probably has a threesome with Teddy and Camilla? just sayin

Inspector Mackenzie is there in like, a zenigata capacity and SHE’S BEAUTIFUL

Bunny does some voiceover but get this, it’s in the context of letters he’s writing to Miss Carruthers because that sounds like some movie shit they’d do! right!! she’s in the movie and she has a GUN

They play card games because it’s a guy ritchie movie but maybe we can work in that adorable thing from the show where the stakes are candy-based . huff. hff. charactersizaation.

I think Raffles’s sister helps them get out of a jam mid-movie. I’m just throwing in all the ladies i can

Cursing ( a lot )

Did i mention gun

JUST watch me I’m gonna write this whole thing just to prove a guy ritchie style raffles movie could be good

Bunny doing a voiceover of some burglary shop talk, explaining in detail how something is supposed to work, then as we see them doing it everything goes completely wrong and along with being funny as fuck its very becoming of Bunny as an unreliable narrator

a shot that shows you the inside of a lock as it’s being picked probably

like a slow motion fight scene between two people who don’t really know how to fight would be pretty great lmao

and then it ends with a gift of the emperor/knees of the gods style sacrifice and we realise Raffles was a selfish dick, but in the end he helped Bunny in the only way he could: by removing himself from his life

and Bunny is having a moment by himself like dear god he really did care and Raffles crashes through a window and dusts himself off like “back”

Roll credits

The best thing about what he does when he adapts is that he takes stuff like the characters and setting of the whodunit holmes stories and spy/action man from uncle and gives them a sense of humor about what they are- so yeah, maybe when you think about sherlock holmes your first thought isn’t greasy iron man kicking a guy so hard he flies 20 feet backwards through a boarded window and into a lake (and lives!) but fuck- I like sherlock holmes, I don’t really care for action blockbusters, but for some reason when you combine them it’s entertaining as all get out. And of course it’s not like the books, because that would be boring. And if anyone adapted Raffles in a way that was exactly like the books it would be boring.

Because the books are comprised of two things: One, very technical, concise descriptions of the way things happened, and two, how Bunny, as the narrator, felt about them. One being something movies are very good at showing, and two being something movies are certainly capable of with a very sensitive, emotional director like Lynne Ramsey but like... NOT guy ritchie, for sure. But if you want a Raffles movie, do you WANT something sensitive and nuanced? Do you want a heartfelt exploration of a younger man’s changing vision of the man he met in his youth as he finds himself manipulated into a life of crime or whatever? maybe but ... i dunno that sounds boring to me. maybe as a short film i could handle it

but like the real thing is “I want a fun movie and I want to see these characters I love brought to the cinema as it is in this day and age in a manner which i feel is true to the original nature of the stories and reminds me why I love them” and not turned into something which to me is barely recognizable from the source material

and if you don’t like ritchie’s holmes adaptations that’s probably why. Personally, i think Game of Shadows is a wonderful film and one of the best adaptations of a Professor Moriarty story, defs my favorite. Plus Rocknrolla and Snatch are some of my favorite movies and thinking about a Raffles adaptation with all the fun and charm and excitement of those gets me SO PUMPED UP

But also I know if it’s hollywood imma be disappointed. good thing its never happening?

you know what would definitely suck though? a wes anderson raffles. lmao holy shit

[ao3feed-arthureames]

The Wild Bunch

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/YzOE69V

by AetherBunny

“What.” Cleo noticed his distraction and nudged him. “I know him. We used to be little shits together.” He pointed at the man. “Do you want to say hi?” She asked. “I do.”

 Sometimes the Inception fandom likes to make Handsome Bob into Robert Eames. And I thought, well why couldn't Mumbles be Robert DuBois then? Not a whole lot more to it than that, but the idea wouldn't leave me alone!

Words: 1078, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: RocknRolla (2008), Inception (2010), Suicide Squad (Movies 2016 2021)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M, Other

Characters: Robert DuBois, Cleo Cazo, Handsome Bob (RocknRolla), Eames (Inception), Arthur (Inception), Mumbles (RocknRolla), Sebastian the Rat (DCEU)

Relationships: Arthur/Eames (Inception), Handsome Bob & Mumbles, Cleo Cazo & Robert DuBois

Additional Tags: Old Friends, Short One Shot, Multiple Crossovers, Chance Meetings, Catching Up

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/YzOE69V

[filmandtvproductiontwo]

Unit 12

ESSAY TASK: Specific Role Research

Throughout this unit I will look at a range of directors, characteristics of their films, and the context they are used in to gain a better understanding of the job. I hope to complete various short pieces to showcase some practical skills I learn from each director, and continue to use my favourites in future projects.

Although I already have some favourite directors and styles in mind, I decided to research some techniques and styles and see which ones were commonplace in certain directors’ films. The following videos offered a large selection of techniques and the directors who used them:

https://youtu.be/O3EnnBDgMww Top 20 Amazing Cinematic Techniques Oscar Feiven

https://youtu.be/6kInDsp4S_g Top 10 Director Trademarks Watchmojo.com

From this I have identified a few directors, styles and techniques I would like to practice and will narrow it down to five to work on over the five weeks of this term. I have compiled a shortlist:

Sergio Leone (The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, A Fistful of Dollars) Visual Storytelling

Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, Baby Driver) Quick Cuts and Visual Comedy

Guy Ritchie (Snatch, Sherlock Holmes, RocknRolla) Quick Cuts, Speed Change, Tinted Overlays

Quentin Tarantino (Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill Vol.1) Camera Angles and Shots, also storytelling

Danny Boyle (Shallow Grave, Trainspotting, 127 Hours) Colour, Movement and Storytelling

Martin Scorsese (Taxi Driver, Goodfellas, Wolf of Wall Street) Long Takes and Tracking Shots

I think these directors have such a signature style because they can be considered auteurs. The Auteur Theory states that the director is considered the primary creative force in a motion picture, and therefore they have such an influence that there techniques and style are obvious and recognisable in the final product. I would like to practice some of their techniques to become a better director myself and begin to craft my own style.

[film-and-tv-cameron-regan]

Unit 8 Final Major Project- Research

ROLE RESEARCH: I have chosen to research and compare three of my favourite action/drama directors for this project:

-Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, 28 Days Later)

-Guy Ritchie (Snatch, RocknRolla, Sherlock Holmes)

-Martin Scorcese (Raging Bull, Taxi Driver, Goodfellas)

These three directors’ films have one thing in common: Crime. However, each man approaches the subject differently. Boyle creates low budget, harsh realities, like the heroin scene in 1990s Edinburgh, Ritchie’s best works include fast paced, intertwining storylines with action and humour, and Scorcese produces high production value blockbusters, often following the communities of north east USA. I would like to compare and contrast the three to determine, which style, or which aspects of each style I want to use to create my final piece.

INITIAL RESEARCH

Danny Boyle-Director

Danny Boyle, famous for Trainspotting (1996), 28 Days Later (2002) and Slumdog Millionaire (2008), has an instantly recognisable directing style and his films are loved in Britain for their attitude and representation of British culture. He has been praised with using fast cuts, camera tricks and excellent soundtrack choices to allow small budget films to compete with multi-million dollar films at film awards and in the box office.

I personally would like to learn from his style to mix together humour, pain and tension to show the realistic and dramatic situations of characters in my film. 

These shots from Trainspotting are instantly memorable because of their harsh reality. They also feature strong characters, another trademark of Boyle’s films and the dialogue they are given is also famous in British cinema.

Guy Ritchie-Director

Guy Ritchie, best known for his British crime films Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998), Snatch (2000) and RocknRolla (2008), has a unique and recognisable directing style, producing gritty, fast paced films packed with action and drama. His trademarks include fast paced action sequences, quick jump cut sequences, overlapping storylines and tint overlays, often to set a depressing or tense mood. I hope to analyse his use of these techniques and combine them with the techniques of Danny Boyle to make my action scenes convincing and memorable and also create an interesting story, which the audience wants to become enveloped in.

These shots are from three different films, Snatch (2000), Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998) and RocknRolla (2008), but it is easy to see they all come from the same director, due to colours, framing and makeup. It is these kinds of powerful, memorable shots I wish to create in my own film.

Martin Scorcese- Director

Martin Scorcese, an American director, who grew up in New York, is famous for his American crime films such as Taxi Driver (1976), Goodfellas (1990) and Gangs of New York (2002). It is obvious that his childhood home was a major inspiration in his work as the majority of his films take place in New York, often focusing on the organised crime networks there. His frequent production techniques include using slow-motion, freeze frames and narration. These techniques can be seen throughout Goodfellas (1990) especially in the opening scene.

https://youtu.be/XPreCHoRZVw

These techniques have produced some of the best crime dramas in cinema history, so are worth considering putting into my production to really adhere to the codes and conventions of the genre.

COMPARING THE DIRECTORS

In order to have my own independent style, obviously I cannot just copy one director’s style and technique. I will use the techniques I personally find interesting and effective, as well as the ones which receive the best acclaim and success. One way of doing this is seeing which techniques the three have in common.

Slow motion is used by all three, usually to keep the pace of a scene constantly changing, to make the audience give 100% of their attention to action in order to keep up with what’s happening before them.

Unlike Scorcese, Boyle and Ritchie’s films appear more realistic, but perhaps this is due to the British based films being more relatable for a British viewer. However I feel that the camera movements, fast cuts and bleak, gritty colour schemes do make them appear harshly real, and not the far-fetched, pristine sequences of Scorcese’s gangster films, which make you instantly think of Hollywood blockbusters. The real gritty look is one I aspire to recreate, so this is an instance in which I would ignore one director’s style in favour of using the others’ for inspiration.

One thing that only Ritchie uses on his films is the fast cuts and effective Foley sequences to fit a huge amount of plot developing information into a few seconds. This ranges from zooming into important writing like the word ‘REPLICA’ on the side of a handgun, or a miniature montage to get a character from location to location.

https://youtu.be/wyKBSy6rgdY

https://youtu.be/Ivz4NA4zHzQ    from 1:55

This is an aspect I would like to use to convey information effectively, however I would later need to research an effective way to do this.

PRODUCTION RESEARCH

SCRIPTWRITING-CORONER REPORT:

To write an effective and realistic script I decided to research real coroners’ reports to work out the language used and how they would be dictated to other officers. I used several websites that show reports and highlight unrealistic mistakes used by previous media representations of the document.

LIGHTING:

One of our teachers has offered many workshops to make us feel more comfortable using the equipment available to us. As part of our research we decided to attend to make sure we knew how to get the best result, and make are film look better than an amateur student film.

This is us attending lighting workshop, which would help us in the future, when we film our interior shots.

AFTER EFFECTS:

Part way through the production process, I noticed an opportunity to use another of Guy Ritchie’s signature techniques to put his unique stamp on a film, as well as grip the audience’s attention from the very start. His title scenes are instantly recognisable and I really wanted to attempt one of my own so I researched the ways Ritchie used these sequences and found a YouTube tutorial detailing how to use After Effects to achieve this, which I will elaborate on in the Production part of this blog .

[film-and-tv-cameron-regan]

Unit 8 Final Major Project- Production

(N.B: Our second project, the music video, will instead be a behind the scenes view of our short drama. After presenting the idea to the class and tutors, it was decided that a music video may be too difficult and time consuming to fit around the shooting of a short drama. I will maintain my role in this production as a sound engineer, a role which main responsibilities include recording the crew views on certain scenes with a Marantz. Due to this being a secondary role for myself, all of my recorded research, production and evaluation will be for my role as director and the short drama.)

PRE PRODUCTION PLANNING

I hand drew a storyboard for this production, photographs of which are below, and used a website that one of my teachers recommended to me called www.celtx.com to write the script. The website was excellent and offered pre-programmed layouts for the script as well as other facilities for storyboards and shot lists, and also allowed people I was working with to access and alter it online. Unfortunately the site only offers a free trial period of 28 days, however I can see how paying for the service could be beneficial in an industry setting.

Our three scheduled filming days are Fri 05/05/17, Mon 08/05/17 and Mon 15/05/17. We aim to complete filming on these three days to allow plenty of time to edit and solve any problems that arise, possibly by organising further filming days.

This is the necessary paper work for our project.

[Due to technical difficulty a video of the paper work folder could not be placed here, but it has been placed above the project proposal in this blog]

SHOOTING DAY 1 Mon 08/05/17

Unfortunately, due to unavailability of some of our team, who could not rearrange their part time job shifts on a Friday, a day which we are not usually timetabled to be at college, our original shooting day (05/05/17) had to be reorganised to Friday 07/05/17. This means our first shooting day was now Monday 08/05/17. We travelled to Eight Ash Green, to film interior shots at a crew member’s house and exterior shots in the alley ways nearby.

These are the photographs I took to document our filming that day using both handheld and tripod techniques.

SHOOTING DAY 2 Fri 12/05/17

Today was our rearranged shooting day, originally scheduled for 05/05/17. We asked our college department to borrow a small classroom which we would make up to look like a detective’s office, and also a morgue, mostly by using different lighting techniques. Fortunately, one of our tutors had recently lead a workshop in lighting techniques so we used our knowledge to change how the set looked (See the Research Section) . We also rearranged furniture in a way that would convince the audience that they were in a dark, depressing office, or a cold, still morgue, rather than a classroom.  We knew we would be shooting conversations between two actors as well as a long sweeping shot of a dead body, so we also hired out a slider to mount the camera on. This was our first time using this piece of equipment and it gave us a pleasing result, adding a bit of movement to the conversations and allowed us to slowly reveal information to the audience with a long horizontal scroll, which would have looked shaky and unprofessional if done hand-held.

These photographs document our use of the slider to capture long moving shots as well as how we used lights to change the mood of the room as well as improve the picture quality.

SHOOTING DAY 3 Mon 22/05/17

Unfortunately, due to technical issues with transport, our original planned date for day three of shooting was delayed to a week later. This day was for shooting outside scenes in Harwich, location we had used before and had excellent results due to the derelict buildings there. We used the natural light available and used an ND filter to eliminate any overexposure being captured.

These photographs show us, using a variety of camera angles as well as the boom mic to record clear sound in our outdoor location.

EXTRA SHOOTING TIME Thu 01/06/17

During our editing stage we noticed several opportunities to improve our project with extra footage. We decided to book out a camera and sound kit and filmed a short conversation scene on campus and a scene in a car park near one of the crew’s houses.

POST-PRODUCTION

We edited our footage using Adobe Premiere Pro. We started the day after our first filming day and continued throughout, adding new footage to the timeline when we filmed it.

Colour Grading

One of the main visual features in Guy Ritchie’s and Danny Boyle’s films are the colours, which are achieved in post-production by adding adjustment layers and changing the amount of red, blue and green in the picture. I used the films I had previously researched as a comparison to shots from our film and I think the correct colours have been recreated.

Warp Stabilizer

To keep to the action genre well and use my research of Guy Ritchie and Danny Boyle effectively, I asked my camera man to keep the camera moving and follow the actors in various walking or running scenes. To make this footage look smooth and cover up any jolts or sudden movements, we used the warp stabilizer function in Premiere Pro. This adds a professional feel to the film and sets it apart from an amateur project.

ADR

Some dialogue was unclear or uneven, despite the use of a boom mic to capture sounds. To fix this problem we used a Marantz and microphone to record the dialogue again and edit it back in to the timeline.

This is the screen in Premiere Pro which allowed us to alter the RGB levels that an adjustment layer would show when placed over the video. By removing small amounts of pigment, the picture was more dark and gritty, the look I was hoping to achieve.

Using After Effects

During the editing process I noticed an opportunity to improve my software skills and add a bit of flair to our finished product. Guy Ritchie uses unique and instantly recognisable title sequences in his films and I was interested to see if I could replicate the comic book style graphics. I researched the opening titles of Rocknrolla and Snatch to see how well they fit into the film. My film had a perfect freeze frame and with music over the top, would create a perfect homage to the director I used as inspiration for this film. I looked up a YouTube tutorial which walked me through how to achieve the process using After Effects, the link of which is here: https://youtu.be/jCOXBWdkNPA

These are examples of titles from Snatch and RocknRolla.

This is the screen in After Effects where I built the animation up.

This is the finished animation that will feature in the film.

FIRST SHOWING AND GROUP FEEDBACK Mon 05/06/17

Today we showed our project to the rest of the groups in our class in order to get an unbiased opinion of our work and to find out how to improve our work in the final week of editing. The main points risen were the sound quality and some of the types of cut. To improve the sound quality we raised the volume of our ADR and decrease the volume of some of the foley sounds because they were currently at unrealistic levels and the information we wished to convey through sound was unclear. We also added a royalty free rock track from YouTube to run under the sounds of the opening scene and to grow louder and louder until its dramatic conclusion at the title scene, to give it the full Guy Ritchie effect. We also received some positive feedback from the group, commending our colour grading, the clarity of the story and all round camera quality, with good lighting, focus and stability, due to our use of LED lights and a slider whilst on set, and warp stabilizer and adjustment layers in post-production.

We used the Marantz to record dialogue (left) and then placed it on the timeline and synchronized it to the video (right).