#roceit-countdown asks

[analogical-interactions]

You don't need to apologize for not talking about analogical lately it's okay dont stress about it :)

Also headcannon that Logan reads to Virgil sometimes. Virgil doesn't care what the book is he just likes listening to Logan's voice, it calms him. And Logan just likes that someone enjoys listening to him

-@roceit-countdown

Thank you.

This is such a cute headcanon, I enjoy it!

[where-are-the-spooky-gays-2]

Do you like any other ships besides dukexiety? If that’s alright for me to ask :)

Of course that's more than alright to ask! :}D (Lucky for you you're talking to a multishipper /light hearted) I like Moceit, Logince, Royality, Royaliceit (Which is Roman X Patton X Janus yes cancel me for shipping Roceit /light hearted /joking) Loceit, Intruality, Anxceitmus, and I'm not sure if I'm forgetting some but that's the ones I can think of

[ts-sides-head-canon]

Other Fun Blogs to Interact With

Countdown Blogs:

Dukexiety - @where-are-the-spooky-gays-2 Analogical - @analogical-interactions Prinxiety - @rattys-prinxiety-countdown Intruality - @frogsandsquids Intrulogical - @days-since-intrulogical

Roceit - @roceit-countdown (platonic/familial) Creativitwins - @twinroyals

Ask/Gimmick Blogs:

Confessions - @sanderssides-confessions

[days-since-intrulogical]

new blog who dis?

welcome! this blog is basically a countdown blog for intrulogical interactions. I will try to keep it updated

my ask box is always open!

main blog: @randomnerd737

pronouns:they/she

I had seen a few people make these for other ships, and thought I would make one bc I am obsessed with these guys!

tagging system:

#countdown <- posts counting the days since intrulogical last interacted

#not counting <- any posts not counting down

#the countdownverse <- interactions with other countdown blogs

other sasi countdown blogs:

@where-are-the-spooky-gays-2

@analogical-interactions

@frogsandsquids

@rattys-prinxiety-countdown

@roceit-countdown

@twinroyals

@dads-teachers-princes-and-emos

@books-and-apples-i-guess

[roceit-countdown]

Potentially angsty depending on how you look at it

Back in my "im a cool kid writing on wattpad" days I tried to write a oneshot book and got no requests. So to fix that I decided to try to prove my middle school level writing skills by writing a college au oneshot for Roceit where they can't go home for the holiday, so they decide to spend Christmas together in their shared dorm room. They got a small dingy Christmas tree for one of their desks and exchanged gifts, and ate TV dinners as their holiday feast.

I say this all as context to the following. In the oneshot, they werent together, but they were best friends who were in love with each other. To me, Janus and Roman just have a certain dynamic that is too close for them to be "just friends" but if they WERE to get together, it would destroy the dynamic they have. A sort of "i love you too much to potentially ruin everything" thing, but if either of them asked to get together they'd do it in a heartbeat.

-🐀 (@rattys-prinxiety-countdown)

OHHH.... that is so sad but I can totally see that happening with them.

Like they would both obviously want to be togther but if they starred dating, I can see Roman getting *really* invested, really fast, and he would start acting different in ways that Janus wouldn't be able to/wouldn't want to keep up with. (Like he would start acting really lovey- dovey or something and not have the same casual banter those two would have)

And because Janus isn't keeping up with that energy, because that's not who he is, Roman might get upset by that, and it would be just be awkward and messy and they would slowly drift apart despite their friendship before.

[starcats1219]

For the writing ask game, i would love to learn more about lucky #13!

Thank you so much for the ask, Edu!!

(Also I'm so sorry about the trouble you had with being able to submit the question, I'm not very good at technology apparently)

Number 13 on my list is literally titled: Roceit soap opera, which doesn't really explain the whole fic, so I'll go in a little bit (read: a lot) more detail (under the cut because holy hell did i write a lot)

It all started while I was writing Fall For You. I was trying to think of a surname for Janus. With most of the others, they kind of have a "default" surname used if you can't think of a more original one (Roman and Remus Prince, Virgil Storm, Patton Hart, Logan Croft/Star, etc) I was ready to just use Janus' default name, but then I realized I had no clue what it was. I never really saw one name used more than the others, and just using Sanders seemed not interesting enough, so I just decided to make my own.

At that point, I randomly got the name "Newman" in my head, and I liked it, so I decided to go with that.(I also used that surname for Janus in my fic Timers: countdown to love) But, I had no clue where the idea of the name came from, until randomly a few weeks ago.

Newman is a name used on the soap opera the young and the restless, which is a show my mom watched, both when I was younger and at the beginning of the pandemic. So, I've grown up seeing random bits of it, and the name came to me in that moment.

I also think it really fits Janus. Soap operas are shows filled with drama, lies, and miscommunication, which is pretty Janus-esque. The Newman family in particular very much fits that trope, so it's a perfect name for human!Janus.

Hence my headcanon, and also the actual plot.

I think that Janus'(both human and side version) guilty pleasure is watching soap operas. Since they have a reputation for being over dramatic with bad acting and overall just kinda being a joke I think he'd hide it, and pretend he hated them. But, when he's alone in his room he secretly loves watching that good old daytime TV.

The fic itself would just kind of be that, but I also wanted to have someone discover his secret. Roman, because he's also a drama queen and because I write a lot of Roceit (even though I don't really ship it?). Anygay it was just gonna be them watching soaps together and being dramatic about it.

I'm super excited for this fic, and I'm hoping for it to be posted just after the Sanders sides gift xchange happens!

Thanks again for the ask!

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Snap Part 3

Read on Ao3 Part 1 Part 2 Part 4

Warnings: roman angst and everything that goes with it. self-esteem issues, self-hatred, insecurity. sympathetic everyone

Pairings: roceit, platonic DLAMPR

Word Count: 4446

Most things in life are flexible to some degree. You can push and pull and bend them in certain ways and, to some extent, they will comply with you. There are some things that you can bend and bend and bend. Creativity is one of these things. Creativity, imagination, dreams...they can be shaped and changed into whatever you want.

Bend...and bend...and bend...until they snap.

They’re in the living room. Everyone is doing…something. Remus isn’t paying a whole lot of attention to anything but rewrapping his grip on his morning star and the gentle press of Roman’s leg against his. Every now and then, Roman will reach over and lay his hand on Remus’s knee. Remus always reaches out to cover it.

 “Come on, Princey!”

 That gets Remus’s attention. He looks up to see Roman shaking his head, Patton staring at him with pleading eyes.

 “Just one?”

 “No thank you,” Roman says softly, “I...I’d rather not do it today.”

 “What isn’t happening today?” Logan closes his book.

 “Princey doesn’t want to do the brainstorm,” Virgil huffs crossing his arms.

 Logan frowns. “It has to be done soon,” he insists, “otherwise it will put Thomas behind schedule.”

 “We’re in the middle of a pandemic, Logan,” Roman mumbles, “it’s not like this is a normal thing.”

 “It is important to look after ourselves first,” Janus agrees with a quick glance at Roman, “especially now more than ever.”

 Virgil squints at him. “Why’re you suddenly so on board?”

 “It couldn’t be because I’m trying to maintain Thomas’s mental health.”

 Patton tilts his head. “I think Virgil’s right...is there another reason you don’t want to do this, Roman?”

 Roman glances at Janus and sighs. “Yes. I don’t want to.”

 “..is,” Logan says hesitantly, “is that it?”

 “Yes.”

 “Well, forgive me—“ Remus growls low in his throat— “but that sounds a little...selfish.”

 Remus growls again. These fucking idiots.

 “Yeah, kiddo,” Patton says, giving Roman a small smile, “it does.”

 “Didn’t we just establish that wasn’t inherently bad?” Roman buries his face in his hands and for a moment, Remus readies himself to chase the others out. Then Roman sits up.

 “I...I can’t do it. Not yet.”

 Virgil frowns. “What do you mean, ‘not yet?’”

 Roman gives Remus’s hand a quick squeeze. Then he stands up. “Not yet.”

 Remus can’t help the surge of pride that shoots through him as Roman sinks out.

 Virgil glances around. “Does anyone have any idea what the fuck just happened?”

 “I…” Patton hugs himself. “I don’t know.”

 “Perhaps something happened,” Logan says, “and Roman is upset by it.”

 “Why the fuck wouldn’t he just say that, then?” Virgil shakes his head. “I shouldn’t be surprised that Princey’s being dramatic, but…”

 “He’d been doing so well,” Patton agrees, “I don’t know what happened.”

 Remus glares at Janus, daring him to say something. Janus just shifts in his chair. Fucking snake.

 “Remus?” What does Logan want with him? “Are you prepared to have the brainstorm session?”

 Are you fucking serious? “Shouldn’t we wait until Roman’s ready?”

 “Who knows how long that’ll be,” Virgil mutters.

 “We can at least get started,” Logan reasons, “and it’s not as if we’ve failed to perform with—“

 Remus raises an eyebrow when Logan cuts himself off. “No, no, please, finish your sentence.”

 “…one Creativity,” Logan mumbles, “my apologies, Remus.”

 Remus sits back, forcing himself to put down his morning star. “Why was it so easy for you to apologize to me?”

 Logan frowns. “Because I made an offensive comment. That warrants an apology.”

 “Mm.”

 Logan falters. God, these guys can be so slow.

 “Not yet,” he prompts, “why would Roman say that?”

 Remus looks around, sees a load of empty faces. “No? No takers? Come on, let’s give you some prompting.”

 It takes barely a flick of his hand to create suspenseful countdown music, gleeful fury rising as the other sides begin to panic, shifting around like they should say something but having absolutely no idea what. Remus pouts.

 “Aww, you’re outta time!”

 “Remus,” Logan huffs, “if you know, why don’t you just tell us?”

 “Because I shouldn’t fucking have to!”

 Remus growls, glaring at one Side after another. “I shouldn’t have to tell you why Roman’s upset. I shouldn’t have to tell you why he didn’t want to tell you. I shouldn’t have to because you should’ve paid attention.”

 “R-Remus?” Patton twists his hands together. “C-can you tell us anyway?”

 Patton shrinks under the glare that Remus gives him, Virgil stepping in front of him. “Fine. Just because nothing will get better unless I do.”

 “…thanks.”

 “What is Roman,” Remus asks, planting his hands on his hips, “what is he?”

 “C-creativity?”

 “What else?”

 Virgil frowns. “Thomas’s hopes and dreams?”

 “What else?”

 “Passion,” Logan tries, “romance?”

 Remus huffs, turning to stare at Janus. Janus hasn’t moved, his hands balled up in his lap, his head bowed.

 “The ego,” Janus mumbles, “Roman is the ego.”

 “Correct!”

 “Roman’s what?” Patton glances between Remus and Janus.

 “Makes sense,” Virgil mutters, only for Remus’s head to spin exorcist-style around to glare at him.

 “And why, Plain White V,” Remus says sweetly, “would that ‘make sense?’”

 Virgil shuffles.

 “Could it be because Roman is dramatic? Could it be that you see him as self-obsessed? Or maybe—“ Remus fake-gasps, covering his mouth— “it’s because an ego is a bad thing?”

 “Stop it,” Virgil mutters, “stop it, Remus.”

 “An ego isn’t a bad thing,” Logan says quickly, “it is a sense of self, especially when contrasted to another self or world. In psychology, the ego typically refers to your own image and opinions of yourself as the active mediator of trying to accomplish the wishes of your unconscious mind within the boundaries of the real world.”

 Logan freezes. “…oh.”

 “Yes,” Remus mutters, “oh.”

 “R-Roman needs a structure,” Logan says weakly, closing his eyes, “a—a role that he can play to do his job. He…he is shaped directly by what others think of him.”

 “Now you’re getting it.” Remus claps when Virgil goes even paler behind his foundation.

 “Thomas’s sense of self,” he mumbles, “R-Roman’s sense of self…”

 Remus stands victoriously in the middle of the room, watching the horror and realization dawn on their faces.

 “Roman doesn’t know who he is anymore,” Remus growls, “because everything he’s ever had has been ripped away from him. And it’s not like he has the strength to do anything about it.”

 “I truly hesitate to ask this,” Logan mumbles, “but…why not?”

 Remus looks at Janus and raises an eyebrow.

 “The ego is kept healthy by positive affirmations and care,” Janus says, still refusing to make eye contact.

 “And you’ve done such a fantastic job of that, haven’t you?” Remus tries not to delight in the way Janus flinches.

 “B-but—“ Oh. Patton’s crying. “—we love him.”

 Remus laughs. He throws his head back and lets the cackles ring around the room, not caring that they get so loud it doubles back and makes him want to split his own skull open.

 “Do you? Do you really?” Remus spreads his arms wide, gesturing at the Roman-less living room. “Do you even know the extent of what you’ve done to him?”

 He points an accusing finger at Patton. “You forced him into a role he never asked for, one that he’s long since forgotten how to stop playing. You scold him for daring to express an opinion different to yours and guilt-trip him into compliance.”

 He turns to Logan. “You tear him apart every chance you get. You think it’s hard not being listened to? You think it’s hard being silenced? Then you should know how it feels when someone dismisses you without hearing you out. Let alone telling them they don’t deserve to feel that way.”

 Virgil cowers when Remus looks at him. “Do you have any idea how many times you’ve insulted Roman? Any idea? At all? No? Here’s a better question. Do you know how many times Roman’s sniped back and he’s the only one who has to apologize? Don’t worry, it’s not like you’re the only one who doesn’t fucking apologize.”

 “And you.”

 Janus winces.

 “Look at me.”

 Aw, that’s cute. Janus is crying too. Too bad.

 Remus doesn’t bother to hide his contempt. “What is your job?”

 Janus mumbles something.

 “Louder.”

 “To protect the ego.”

 “And what,” Remus asks in a soft, dangerous voice, “have you been doing instead?”

 “I apologized,” Janus tries weakly.

 “What for?”

 “For calling Roman the evil twin. For comparing him to you.”

 Remus scoffs. “No wonder he said ‘not yet.’”

 The snake flinches.

 “You apologized—“ Remus takes a step forward— “for the last straw. And you let everything else get swept under the carpet. You set him up to take the fall no matter what happened in that courtroom—don’t pretend you didn’t, you put the gavel in his hand—you spent the whole time buttering him up, you made fun of his name first, and you strung him along like your favorite little puppet.”

 Remus bends down, forcing Janus to look right at him.

 “You knew exactly what you were doing,” he whispers, “and you didn’t care.”

 He turns to look at Patton again. “You love him? Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. Whether or not you do, you still did this to him.”

 Remus takes a deep breath.

 “There is one reason you are all not currently splattered across the walls,” he says in a perfectly calm voice, “and that is because Roman does not want you hurt. That is the only reason I am being very calm right now.”

 “…what do we do,” Patton whispers, tears still running down his face, “what do we do?”

 “Here’s a thought,” Remus growls, “why don’t you think about what you make Roman do?”

 “Listen,” Logan says quietly, adjusting his glasses.

 Virgil fiddles with the strings of his hoodie. “…apologize.”

 Patton shuffles and hugs himself. “Do better.”

 They all turn to look at Janus.

 Janus clenches his fists in his lap as he looks up, hot guilty tears standing on his cheeks. “Care.”

 “Good.” Remus takes one look at the rest of them. “Mess this up, and I won’t give you another chance.”

 He sinks out.

 Janus buries his face in his hands. He can hear the others muttering worriedly to each other, can hear Patton sniffling and Virgil zipping and unzipping his hoodie. There’s a horrible black pit in his stomach that won’t go away, the guilt simmering patiently at the back of his throat.

  Pathetic.

  Worthless.

  You’ll never be accepted now, you can’t ever have them, look what you’ve done.

 The words pile up, burning his ears, the guilt filling his head so much that it takes a moment for him to realize how bitter his mouth tastes. Then realizes he’s hearing another voice say those words too.

 The others startle a little when he stands up, jaw set.

 Remus was right. He knew exactly what he was doing because he knows Roman. For better or for worse, he knows him. And he’s been abusing that for as long as he can remember.

 Time to change that.

  By the time someone knocks on Roman’s door, Roman’s already worked himself in and out of at least three different freak-outs, trying his best to keep them as low as possible so he doesn’t accidentally summon Virgil.

 The knock comes.

 “Come in,” he says instantly, only to wince a moment later.

 “…second chance?”

  Janus.

 Roman falters. He doesn’t really want anyone in his room right now, he’s…he’s not ready to do the brainstorm session, but he craves the gentle affection Janus has been showing him recently. Especially after this morning.

 “…come in, please.”

 His door swings open, revealing Janus, fiddling with something in his hands. Roman stands up, wobbling slightly.

 “Don’t get up,” Janus says softly, shutting the door, “I’ll come to you.”

 Roman sits, watching Janus walk to stand in front of him, tucking the thing he’d been fiddling with into some mysterious pocket. Then he carefully reaches out, hand hovering in front of his head.

 “May I?”

 Roman nods only to positively melt the next second when Janus cards his hand through Roman’s hair, fingers scratching across his scalp. Distantly, he hears Janus chuckle, another hand joining the first.

 He must be losing it, or at least significantly more off his game than he normally is, because he thinks he hears Janus murmuring to him.

 “Aren’t you lovely,” he thinks he hears, “that’s it…relax, sweetie, let me hold your head.”

 Well…maybe?

 Roman warily lets his head droop, leaning further into the touch, only to have a second pair of hands cup his head. He takes a shuddering breath, letting the warm touches wash over him. It feels so warm.

 “J-Janus?”

 “Yes, sweetie?”

 “Can you…a l-little to the left?”

 “Here?”

 “Hhhh.”

 Janus chuckles, focusing on the spot just below the crown of Roman’s head. “Does that feel good, sweetie?”

 Roman hums, easily getting lost in the gentle touches, the soft voice.

 W-wait.

 “…stop.”

 The hands freeze. “What?”

  “Stop.”

 The hands are gone. Roman takes a deep breath, trying to fight off the wave of stopdon’tnocomeback that rushes through his chest before looking up at Janus. The worried look on his face is almost enough to get Roman to cave.

 Almost.

 “What are you doing?”

 Janus frowns. “I’m trying to look after you.”

 “Why?”

 The frown deepens and Janus reaches out for him again, stopping when Roman draws back. “Because I want to.”

 “What do you want?”

 “To take care of you, Roman, like I just…” Janus’s eyes widen. “…oh, honey, do you think I’m only taking care of you so you’ll do what I want?”

 Roman looks away. “You know the answer to that.”

 He closes his eyes, expecting Janus to scoff, to turn away, or to just tell him what it is that he actually wants. He hears the soft sounds of rustling fabric, then—

 “I’m sorry.”

  What?

 Roman stares, eyes wide. Janus finishes tucking his gloves into his pocket and nervously adjusts his hat. The scales on his hand glimmer in the faint light of Roman’s room.

 “…what?”

 “I’m sorry,” Janus repeats, “for everything. F-for using you. For manipulating you. For letting you think everything was your fault. And for not doing my job.”

 “Y-your what?”

 Janus reaches for him again, pleading, and Roman lets him gently cup his cheek. His scales are smooth, cold, and he shudders.

 “My job,” Janus repeats in a hoarse whisper, “is to protect you. To take care of you. And I have been failing miserably.”

 Is…is Janus’s hand…trembling?

 “I used your insecurities to manipulate you,” comes the whisper, “to…to isolate you and make you easier to control. I let the others constantly undermine you, convince you that you had no idea what was right and what was wrong, made you reliant on them.”

 Roman’s heart clenches at how horrified of himself Janus sounds, how the hand on his cheek touches him like he’s something precious, like Janus is afraid he’ll ruin him if he touches him wrong.

 “I have hurt you.” Janus’s thumb strokes lightly across his skin. “And I have never, ever, apologized for it. So I’m doing that now.”

 Janus presses his hand there for a moment longer, then pulls his hand away. Roman can’t stop the wounded noise that escapes his throat at the loss of contact, nor can Janus help flinching at the noise.

 Three long seconds pass, each wanting the other to reach out, do something, say something.

 “I…I am not asking you to forgive me,” Janus manages, “not now. Not right away. N-not ever, if you don’t want.”

  No…no—

 “But I am willing to do what it takes to earn it,” he finishes, clasping his hands in front of him and bowing his head, “both your forgiveness and your trust.”

 “…th..that’s what you want?”

 Janus peers up at him. “…yes, Roman. That’s all I want.”

 “…s-so…”

 Janus sighs. “If you wanted to, you could throw me out of your room right now. You could yell at me, scream at me, call me every awful name you can think of. I wouldn’t stop you.”

 “…do you want me to?”

 “It’s not like I don’t deserve it.”

 Roman frowns. “Second chance?”

 Janus’s head jerks up, his eyes wide. “W-what?”

 “Second chance?”

 “I—I…” Janus sighs again. “…I would prefer it if you didn’t. But this isn’t about what I want, Roman.”

 Roman swallows, still overwhelmed by Janus’s apology. It’s…it’s so much more than he ever expected to get. And yet…even hearing Janus say all the awful things he’s done, it doesn’t change the fact that Janus is the only one apart from Remus that makes Roman feel like it’s okay to want something.

 “I…” Janus looks at him intently. “I want…”

 “Say it,” Janus whispers when Roman hesitates, “go on, Roman, say it.”

 “…I want you to take care of me,” Roman whispers, shame burning his face, only to be chased away by cool scales against his skin.

 “May I—“

 “Please.”

 As soon as Roman chokes out the word, the hands are back. Tangling in his hair, stroking his face, holding his head securely. This time, Roman doesn’t fight it, sinking into Janus as much as he can, feeling the hands drift down to rub at his shoulders, drawing little patterns into his back. Janus keeps murmuring to him the whole time.

 “It’s okay, Roman,” he says, finding that spot on Roman’s head again, “I’m right here, I’m right here, I’m not going to hurt you…don’t fret, it’s alright, sweetie.”

 Roman reaches out and fists Janus’s cloak, tugging the other side closer.

 “I’m so proud of you, honey, you made me so proud today…you stood up for yourself and what you wanted, you did so well, you’ve been so strong…”

 “J-Janus?”

 “Yes, my prince, I’m right here, what can I do?”

 “It—it hurts.”

 “What hurts, honey, where does it hurt?”

 “Everything,” Roman cries, the dam finally shattering in the face of all of this, “everything hurts, I want—I want—“

 “Yes, honey, you’re allowed to want, come on now…”

 A sob chokes out of his throat and he’s gone.

 Janus holds him through it, never shushing him, letting him get every single drop out, murmuring soft encouragement that pulls it out of him like some terrible poison. Roman bawls into his chest, letting the prince, the performer, the actor, the good twin shatter, leaving Roman, just Roman, crying in the arms of someone he loves.

 When it’s over, when he can’t move, can hardly breathe from how much, when he sags into Janus’s arms, he feels…lighter.

 “You did so well, sweetie,” Janus says softly into his ear, “so well. That was a lot, wasn’t it?”

 Roman nods, his throat exhausted. “…there’s more.”

 “You get it all out then. I’m not going anywhere.”

 “…I…I…”

 “Talk to me,” Janus pleads, “you can talk to me, honey, I won’t tell a soul, let me care for you.”

 Roman tucks his head against Janus’s shoulder and breathes. Janus is slightly cool to the touch, his cloak is soft. He rubs his cheek against the fabric. His tired brain manages to come up with the word ‘safe.’

 “Of course you’re safe,” comes the instant murmur, “I’ll keep you safe.”

 Roman hates his traitorous brain for instantly flashing will you?

 It’s barely noticeable, a hitch that lasts scarcely more than half a second, but Roman, pressed right up against Janus with Janus’s chin on top of his head, notices.

 “S-sorry—“

 “Don’t,” Janus says immediately, a scaled hand tenderly cupping Roman’s cheek, “you needn’t apologize. I…haven’t exactly given you much reason to trust me.”

 Roman gently bonks his head against Janus’s. “This.”

 He feels more than sees Janus’s sad smile. “And that’s supposed to make everything better, is it?”

 He has a point.

  Doesn’t he always?

 Roman squeezes his eyes shut and takes a deep, slow breath. Then another. On the third one, he pulls away. Janus lets him go, lets him sit up, and scrub his hands over his face.

 “No,” he says finally, “it doesn’t make everything better.”

 Janus sits there quietly.

 “I’m angry,” Roman murmurs, “I’m so angry with you. With a-all of you, but especially you.”

 No response.

 “It’s like…it’s like I’m constantly watching myself in third person. I—I have to make sure I’m always playing the role right, that my voice is right, my words are right, because you don’t want me unless I’m always right, you won’t—“

 Roman’s voice chokes off. He swallows the lump in his throat.

 “…you won’t love me if I’m not right.”

 He bows his head, hair flopping in his face, twisting his hands together.

 “And I’m so mad right now because I have so many reasons to be mad at you and I am mad at you and I can’t fucking think of any of them because all I want to do is beg you to take care of me and never let me go.”

 He tangles his hands in his hair and pulls, despite Janus’s soft noise of protest.

 “I hate you,” Roman mumbles, “I hate you.”

 He pulls harder.

 “But not as much as I h-hate myself for loving you.”

 His eyes slip shut as yet more tears well up behind his lids. He squeezes them tighter, taking shuddering breath after shuddering breath.

 “I love you,” he says through the breaths, “I love you so much it hurts and it’s everything I know and I’m so angry that I can’t stay angry and I can’t—I can’t—“

 He rakes his nails down his face, leaving angry red lines.

 “Why can’t I stop,” he whispers, “why can’t I stop loving you?”

 “Hate and love aren’t opposites,” comes the hoarse murmur from beside him, “the opposite of love is indifference.”

 “I don’t want to be indifferent toward you.”

 He hears Janus shuffle around and keeps his eyes shut. If he looks…if he looks and sees Janus’s face he won’t get to say the things he needs to say.

 “Why did you change,” he asks suddenly, “what…what made you change?”

 “…you did, Roman.” Roman can’t stop the scoff. “I’m serious. You…that day. When you…snapped, it made me realize something.”

 “What?”

 “That you were far better at pretending than I thought.”

 Janus shifts on the bed.

 “…I thought your hurt would be loud. Brash. Uncompromising. I thought you were the type to sing it to the heavens, shout it from the rooftops. But it’s…it’s not. It’s quiet. It’s solemn. It’s…it’s resigned.” He takes a breath. “And you weren’t even that angry that day. You were just…exhausted.”

 The bed shifts.

 “And you were right.”

 Roman shakes his head slowly from side to side, feeling his hair swing back and forth. “I want to trust you. I do. A-and I’m trying to.”

 “Let me earn it,” Janus says immediately, “let me—let me show you.”

 “I want to,” he says, the vulnerable shake in Janus’s voice tugging on his heartstrings.

 “…second chance?”

 Roman sighs. “I do want to, Janus, but I…I don’t want to get hurt anymore. I—I don’t want to start trusting you again only to have everyone tell me it’s wrong.”

 “If it helps,” Janus says gently, “it’s highly unlikely.”

 “Don’t lie to me right now,” Roman says, “please.”

 “My gloves are off,” Janus reminds, “I’m not lying. And…I did just come from the others.”

 Roman opens his eyes, staring at Janus who smiles gently.

 “Remus…helped us understand,” he says, “how much we’ve hurt you.” He tilts his head. “He loves you, Roman.”

 “I love him too,” Roman mumbles.

 “We—we promised we’d do better,” Janus says, “not just for you, but for…for all of us. And we agreed that starts with making things right with you.”

 Roman can’t help the traitorous flutter of hope in his chest. The scar tissue around his heart burns, the hope pressing up against the damaged nerves, threatening to leave him breathless.

 “When you’re ready,” Janus continues softly, “the others want to apologize to you too. Logan wants to help you figure out what you want. Virgil wants to learn how to recognize when you need help. And I’m fairly certain Patton wants to cuddle you into next week.”

 “N-now?”

 “No.” Janus shakes his head. “Not now. Not if you don’t want to.”

 “…I don’t want to.”

 “Then you won’t.” He hesitates, then slowly reaches for Roman’s hand on the blanket. Roman lets him take it, feeling the subtle shake of Janus’s fingers. “…thank you, Roman.”

 Roman blinks. “For what?”

 “This,” Janus says, squeezing Roman’s hand lightly, “for trusting me with all of this.”

 Roman nods, only for his hair to flop in his face and completely ruin the moment. Janus chuckles as he tries to blow the offending clump away, only for it to resolutely stay exactly where it is. He huffs. Rude.

 “Here,” Janus says before he can reach up to move it away, “let me?”

 Roman nods, expecting Janus to reach up and move it himself, and maybe run his hand through his hair a few times, but Janus reaches into his pocket and takes out…a hairclip? Is that what he’d been fiddling with?

 Janus holds it up so he can see it and Roman’s breath catches in his throat. It’s…it’s a slender clip, in his signature red, with a tiny golden crown on the end. Janus lets him look, then slowly brushes Roman’s hair back, lifting the clip up and gently clipping Roman’s hair out of the way, brushing any lingering strands to the side.

 “There…” He looks back down at Roman’s face. “Now I can see you.”

 Oh.

  Oh.

 “I know this doesn’t fix everything,” Janus murmurs, cupping Roman’s face in his hands again, “but…I hope it’s a start.”

 Roman swallows. “It’s a start.”

 Janus smiles. Then it fades as he slowly leans forward, resting his forehead against Roman’s, both of their eyes falling shut.

 “We love you,” Janus whispers, “I love you.”

 Roman should want to say it. But the scar tissue around his heart groans in protest. Still, he opens his mouth.

 “Don’t,” Janus says softly, resting his finger lightly against Roman’s lips, “not like this. Let me earn it.”

 “…I’ve already told you, though.”

 “You have,” Janus agrees, even though he doesn’t move his finger, “but let me earn it.”

 He presses his mouth to Roman’s forehead.

 “Let me earn you.”

 The soft brush of lips against his skin and the sincerity in Janus’s voice makes Roman’s head spin. “…earn me?”

 “Yes, my prince,” Janus murmurs, “let me show you. Let us show you.”

 Roman closes his eyes. He wants that. He wants Janus to show him. He wants Patton to cuddle him. He wants Logan to talk things through with him. He wants Virgil to know when he needs things. He wants.

 He wants.

 And for once, for once, when he wants, the voice in his ear doesn’t say he’s an awful person for wanting, that he’s pathetic, that he’s wrong for wanting.

 Instead, when Janus pulls away a little bit, and asks Roman if that’s alright, if that’s something he wants, Roman answers.

  Yes.

General Taglist: @frxgprince @potereregina @reddstardust @gattonero17 @iamhereforthegayshit @thefingergunsgirl @awkwardandanxiousfander @marshmallow-fluffy @creative-lampd-liberties @djpurple3 @winterswrandomness @sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes @iminyourfandom @bullet-tothefeels @full-of-roman-angst-trash @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind @demoniccheese83 @pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious  @firefinch-ember @fandomssaremysoul

Snap Taglist: @romanvirgil @arodynamic-enby @meandmacats @the-sunshine-dims @whydoifeeltheneedtoorganizestuff @sweet-hibiscus-tea-art @frida0043 @mk-wastebin @princemesscharming @cali-the-dreamer @lovesupernova25

[deviantofthemind]

𝕾𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗𝖘 𝕾𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖘 𝕱𝖎𝖈𝖒𝖆𝖘 2020

Inspired by @doctorroseprompts​ I’m bringing to you Sanders Sides Ficmas *.*

Snuggle up, dearies, because we are doing this! I changed some prompts that just didn’t vibe with me and here we are. I can’t believe I really managed.

Anyways, please enjoy my humble offerings 🎁 and have a wonderful December!  

I’m going to do a taglist for Ficmas ^.^ Let me know if you want in <3

Under the cut you’ll find the teasers if you’re curious <3

Dec 1: Snowed in - Logince

Logan accompanied Roman on a Dragonwitch coven stalk out. They end up trapped in an old hunting cabin by a snowstorm in the middle of the imagination with nothing to entertain them for the next 24 hours. Roman grows very interested in Logan's recent reading material.

 Dec 2: Ginger/gingerbread - Moceit

Janus comes home from a long business trip, stressed and burnt out to a nicely decorated house, the smell of gingerbread and his very lovely husband.

 Dec 3: Shopping - Prinxiety

Roman is unduly excited about christmas shopping. Virgil finds it annoying, but also unsettling, embarrassing and so very nice.

Dec 4: Holiday movies - Anxceit

Virgil is cosied up for christmas break with his boyfriend in his parents otherwise empty house. They plan on nothing but eating an ungodly amount of food, relaxing and watching mushy christmas movies. They don’t actually watch anything.

Dec 5: Ornament - Royality

A royal Christmas Wedding. (This is essentially just the newlyweds gusching about each other :)]

Dec 6: Hope - Intruality

Patton spends the night before Christmas in the hospital after his boyfriend had been in a fatal crash.

Dec 7: Cold - Roceit

Roman is waiting impatiently for the return of his most trusted advisor and diplomat to return for the Christmas festivities at Sanders Castle.

Dec 8: Ice-Skating - Dukeceit

Janus isn’t ready for going ice-skating with his NHL playing boyfriend for the first time. Not really.

Dec 9: Snowflake - Logicality

He was eternally grateful for Patton's foresight and preparation because when the time came, he just had to say one word. OR Logan announces a code snowflake and Patton delivers on it.

Dec 10: Candle - Analogical

Use me with care and never leave me alone.

(This was NOT inspired by the warning label on a candle, NO SIR.)

After Virgil finds he has the best naps in the logical Side's room and Logan has gone to desperate matters to overpower the scent left in his sheets.

Dec 11: Mistletoe - DRLAMP

The Art of kissing. [I just want to see them snog ¯\_(ツ)_/¯]

Dec 12: Tree - Moceit (Part 2 to Dec 2: Gingerbread)

Patton had been promised a ride and some (kinda) quiet holidays.

Dec 13: Peace - Moxiety

Patton and Virgil are planning on spending a holiday together a few months into their relationship. Patton is a mess about everything this entails.

Dec 14: Smell - Analogical (Part 2 to Dec 10: Candle)

“Because you gonna burn the house down?” - “No because I’m going to start to cry and we both don’t want that.”

Dec 15: Ring - Loceit

If you asked Logan then he would say that they were good. Comfortable, running smooth, fitting together. No need for change at all. 

Dec 16: North Pole - Creativitwins

“Had I known that penance is so easy, Roman, you need to believe me, I had done it before.” 

Dec 17: Mittens - Royality

Patton is an okay student, an okay friend and prefers not to look in the mirror too closely. Needless to say he is a bit shell shocked when Roman Sanders starts flirting with him.

Dec 18: Presents - DRLAMP

Logan is tired. It has been a long year and he is tired. He has accomplished nothing and he isn’t sure how to improve to be heard and tolerated again amongst the other Sides.

Dec 19: Christmas jumpers - Moceit (Part 3 to Dec 2: Gingerbread and Dec 12. Tree)

Janus is aware that they look like a bit of a gay clichè but he honestly couldn’t give two fucks about it when Patton is this happy.

Dec 20: Love - DRLAMP

A spell gone wrong leaves Patton de-aged. The newly five-year old is not what everyone who knows and loves adult-Patton expects. 

Dec 21: Star - Gen

Janus is an immensely successful and well known lawyer. Over the years he had taken countless pro bono cases in favour of abused or neglected children. Now he feels like it’s time to take a step back from his work and start his own family.

Dec 22: Mulled Wine - Logicality

When left to one's own devices unwillingly, with annoying urges and confusing emotions it was the most logical thing in the world to overindulge in something that could help with all three of one’s predicaments. Wasn’t it?

Dec 23: Traditions - Logince

When Roman was ending his work night he usually hurried home as fast as possible. But tonight he’s hungry and his ankle hurts too much to walk even one step further.

Dec 24: Midnight - Intrulogical

This could have gone horrible in so many ways that Remus is pretty grateful that it’s only about a pint of blood on the polished marble floor.

Dec 25: Christmas Dinner - Logicality

Since Patton lived with the Sanders Clan and their Master Vampire Logan Sanders he had never been summoned for Dinner. Until this Christmas Eve.

Dec 26: Box - Loceit

Jan almost choked on her Chai Latte when the unfairly attractive, very tall and obviously stressed woman behind the counter shouted “Ultimate Christmas Cookie Boy for Janice!?” 

Dec 27: Joy - Gen (Part 2 to Dec 21: Star)

It’s Christmas and after six months in Janus’ care his adoptive son feels safe enough to start talking. 

Dec 28: Shiver - Loceit

Logan desperately needs a few lessons in self-care. But until Janus manages to hammer this into his thick skull he takes on the care work, for better or worse.

Dec 29: Sleigh - Prinxiety

It was going to be Virgil's first official event without his parents and he had been nervous since the invitation came weeks ago. The prince had personally invited him to the Christmas Ball.

Dec 30: Countdown - Loceit

Logan had not expected it to be like this, not ever. Because had he, he maybe wouldn’t have done it. But he was glad that his evaluation had been wrong as he was laying face down on a soft blanket, more relaxed than he had ever been in his life.

Dec 31: New Beginnings - Anxceit

In Virgil's humble opinion the whole year has been a gigantic shit show and he was tired. His best friend Patton still had the audacity to bully him into applying for an apprenticeship with the fancy new tattoo shop in town.

---------

[where-are-the-spooky-gays-2]

THIS BLOG HAS CURSED ME I DREAMED ABOUT THEM LAST NIGHT ARE YOU KIDDING ME ?!

I was watching an entire movie in my head with them. It was straight out of a spiderman au.

Janus was a villain similar to the Riddler from DC

Roman and Remus were a spiderman duo (?? I think)

Virgil was a villain who had ice powers and ORIGINALLY was trying to be a hero, got involved with the wrong people and joined a team of villains instead (its Roman's fault)

Virgil gets separated from his group and somehow finds himself in Janus's lair, (long story short he got distracted with some shiny symbols and went to investigate) and Remus and Roman start following him.

Unfortunately that's where I woke up but there was an intense them energy that I cant explain (with little bit of Rociet to boot BUT I CANT EXPLAIN THAT EITHER)

This is just what I could remember it's sort of messy but I wanted to share this experience

-🐀

Y E S my Spooky Gays propaganda is working let them C O N S U M E even your dreams >:}D /light hearted /joking No but for real tho that sounds cool as fuck!!! You're out here dreaming up an entire Superhero AU where the Creativitwins are a crime fighting duo while Villain!Vee pretty much joins a fellow Villain!Jan due to being lost and finding his lair with lowkey Dukexiety and Roceit endgame and I N E E D it!!!

[where-are-the-spooky-gays-2]

Virgil and Rennes are so Gomez & morticia coded !!!!!

Just like, when he kisses up her hand? It's such a them thing ( Virgil to Remus )

On how he adores her? Remus to Virgil, or flip flopped!

- Vee 💜

Y E S!!! FUCKING F I N A L L Y SOMEONE WHO AGREES!!! They are absolutely Gomez and Morticia coded!!! Ree would shower the hell out of Vee with kisses and the hand kiss all the way up to his neck is only the cherry on top (You bet your ass Ree's mustache tickles Vee when he does it and hearing the music of the Emo's laughter only makes the chaotic Duke's heart melt even more) Ree loves Vee so damn much and will express it in the most unhinged way possible and the best part is that Vee loves his chaotic nature... He doesn't judge him because they both can be unapologetically themselves around one another... They can laugh, they can cry, they can be vulnerable, they can feel so much emotions with each other and the other person would just listen and be by their side supporting them through it all and that's what makes it so beautiful <3

[analogical-interactions]

Analogical Interaction Countdown

Hello and welcome to the pinned post!

About the mod: - I use storm/storms and ice/ice pronouns (they/them is fine too, but please try to use my pronouns!) I'm a multishipper, however this blog will be focused solely on analogical.

What is this blog? - Well, simply put, it's a blog tracking how long it's been since analogical last interacted. I couldn't find one for analogical, and they've been on the brain recently, so I made one. I know of one other blog like this, and they do the dukexiety ship! If you're interested in that go check out @where-are-the-spooky-gays-2, they're really fun and cool!

(They actually kind of inspired me to do this one for analogical)!

Asks: - Feel free to send in head cannons, prompts, stories, anything! I do ask that if a story has any archive warnings, you say so in the ask so people who go to read know about it before hand! Please no U!sides with asks, as those do make me uncomfortable! - No discourse with asks! I am not afraid to block you if you try and start an argument. Debating is fine, but attacking other people is not. Also harmful views/asks will be deleted and you will be blocked!

This blog is for fun! I may not always be able to keep up with everything. The countdowns include: any SaSi videos on YouTube, not including YouTube Shorts content.

Which means: Incorrect Quotes, Sanders Asides, and Sanders Sides all count!

Notable Links -Analogical Art and Fics can be found linked to here, with credit to the tumblr/ao3 accounts! Feel free to send in any in asks!

Link AO3 Collection

Other SaSi Countdown Blogs (that I know of)

@where-are-the-spooky-gays-2 (dukexiety) @rattys-prinxiety-countdown (prinxiety) @frogsandsquids (intruality) @days-since-intrulogical (intrulogical) @roceit-countdown (roceit)

@twinroyals (sibling/platonic creativitwins) @dads-teachers-princes-and-emos (lamp) @books-and-apples-i-guess (loceit)

Other Fun SaSi Blogs to Interact With

Confessions - @sanderssides-confessions Headcanons - @ts-sides-head-canon

[roceit-countdown]

Ah thank you! I just got an ask that said roceits countdown should be synded with the duknxiety countdown so I should be good, I appreciate it though!

Hey don't worry about it!

I consistently lost count/forgot to go on for multiple weeks at a time!

- @analogical-interactions

🤝🤝 glad I'm not alone

Its tricky out here ahah