#royaliceit

[anothertssincorrectquotesblog]

Roman: What’s up?

Virgil: Your place on my shit list.

Janus: My level of patience for those who ask such things

Patton: The most depressing Pixar movie about an old man who tries to land his house on a cliff via balloons- *starts rambling*

Roman:

Virgil:

Janus:

Roman: How long-

Janus: It's fine.

Patton, sobbing: -and he just wants to fulfill his dead wife’s dream-

[halfhissandwich]

so… did lilypadton pick them up?

He did.

[where-are-the-spooky-gays-2]

Do you like any other ships besides dukexiety? If that’s alright for me to ask :)

Of course that's more than alright to ask! :}D (Lucky for you you're talking to a multishipper /light hearted) I like Moceit, Logince, Royality, Royaliceit (Which is Roman X Patton X Janus yes cancel me for shipping Roceit /light hearted /joking) Loceit, Intruality, Anxceitmus, and I'm not sure if I'm forgetting some but that's the ones I can think of

[the-duke-of-nuts]

Ah yes V-Day the day I don’t care about but get to have an excuse to post content of my comfort ships <3

[emoprincey]

Fangs and Cutlasses (Chapter 2)

Chapter 1 | This is chapter 2! 

Author’s note: I’ve finally finished the second chapter of this fic I wrote for @the-duke-of-nuts in the Sanders Sides gift exchange last year! 

Fic summary: Remus has come a long way since being exiled from his village. He's the captain of a pirate ship, with his own crew, and a brilliant first mate. But when his brother shows up out of the blue, Remus can't leave him behind again. And, while trying to repair that rift, he meets a strange man cloaked in shadows who will turn Remus' entire world on its head. 

Also posted on my ao3: stormofstarlight 

Relationships: Familial Creativitwins, endgame romantic dukexiety, endgame romantic royaliceit with pre-established royality. 

Writing taglist: @iclaimedtobethebetterbard 

Word count: 2018 

They had to stop for supplies again the next day, since Remus hadn’t made it back to the ship with anything he’d picked up from the market.

The place they’d docked the boat in wasn’t so much a harbour as an old boardwalk that jutted out over a gravelly shore, but Remus had jumped out and tied the ship to a rotting wooden post with surety, so Roman supposed it was as good as they were going to get.

“We can’t stop here for long,” Janus said, already glancing around the cove warily. “I’ll send out a small team to get supplies, and we’ll leave as soon as the ship’s loaded.”

“I want to at least show Ro the cavern. What’s the point in bringing him along if I can’t show him any of the cool places we go to?” Remus said. 

“Fine,” Janus said. “You can show your brother around, but you’d better not get into any trouble, and if you’re not back in exactly two hours I’m leaving your asses there.”

“He doesn’t mean that,” Remus said to Roman as Janus walked away, but somehow that didn’t really reassure him.

Roman wasn’t exactly thrilled at the prospect of going with his brother. Even he had heard of the Broken Isle – so called because of the sharp, thin stream of water that ran between the two islands, making them look like they were one landmass cleaved in two. According to the few rumours that had reached his quiet village, it was a place where only the most hardened of criminals would meet up and exchange their spoils.

As the two of them stepped off the boat, he glanced around, patting his jerkin to make sure the dagger Remus had supplied him with was still looped through his belt.

The isle was everything Roman would expect from a pirate’s hideout – dirty, desolate, and filled with noise. Boardwalks seemed to stretch in every direction along steep, sheer cliffs. None of them seemed to reach the top, and Roman could tell at a glance that it would be impossible to scale them.

Remus led him along a boardwalk, surefooted and stomping as heavily as ever, even though the boardwalk was rickety and rotting.

Roman stayed close to the cliff, trying not to focus on the sound of waves crashing violently against the sharp rocks below.

“Stop looking over your shoulder,” Remus said.

Roman huffed, but he tried to keep his gaze on Remus’ back.

His brother sighed when they reached the end of the boardwalk, which led to a narrow cave in the side of the cliff. He gestured for Roman to follow him inside. “Just act like you belong.”  

“Act like I belong with a bunch of criminals?” Roman scoffed, earning him a glare from a group of passing mermen. They looked mostly human in their land forms, but they were still easy to identify by the scales that curled around the sides of their face, and their frilly finned ears.

“And keep your voice down,” Remus muttered.

Roman pouted, but he kept following Remus closely. He rolled his shoulders as they walked along, trying to get some of the stiffness out. Roman and Patton had been given a tiny room with two bunks. Patton had taken the top bunk at first, but after a while he’d climbed down and squashed into Roman’s bunk with him. Though Roman had woken up with an aching back and Patton with a sore neck, they’d both slept much better in each other’s arms.

After walking through the cave for a bit, they turned a corner. For a moment, Roman thought they’d emerged again into the open air. They were surrounded by light, and rowdy voices, and all kinds of smells. But when he looked up, he realised they were in a massive cavern. The ceiling was made of stone, with boardwalks running between caves higher in the walls, criss-crossing like spiderwebs. The floor was bustling with activity. Ramshackle stalls were crammed together in haphazard lines, and they seemed to be selling everything from food to treasure.

It reminded him, strangely, of the marketplace he used to take the farm’s products to every month. No, not used to – he’d be going back. Soon. Just as soon as... what? When Remus had taken him and Patton on a little adventure across the high seas, would he drop them back off in their village? That thought made Roman’s chest feel oddly hollow.

“This is where people come with their hauls,” Remus explained, leading him over to one of the stalls. “Anything you’ve pillaged can be sold off for a fair price. Or, fair as you can get around here.”

The stall was covered in jewellery and trinkets. Some of it looked valuable, with real stones set in gold, and other pieces were clearly sea glass. A burly man with a scruffy beard was standing behind it.

“Is that stuff stolen?” Roman asked warily.

Remus elbowed him, and raised an eyebrow at the stall owner. “New crew member,” he said, as if that explained something.

The stall owner didn’t seem to care, just humming gruffly as Remus pulled Roman away from the stall.

“Is that stuff stolen?” Remus mimicked, when they were out of the stall owner’s earshot. “We’re pirates, dipshit. What do you think?”

Roman just hummed, a line from Remus’ conversation ringing in his ears. He looked up when he heard footsteps from the upper boardwalks.

“Nosferatu!” Someone shouted.

“What’s going on up there?” Roman asked apprehensively.

Remus pursed his lips, looking intently at the boardwalk. When he didn’t seem to find what he was looking for, he turned away, but the crease between his eyebrows didn’t disappear. “Sounds like someone’s found a vampire,” he said. “They don’t usually show up around here.”

Roman shuddered. He’d heard countless tales about vampires – creatures of the night who hid in the shadows to prey on unsuspecting victims. Some of them had been around for centuries, and had vast amounts of wealth.

Remus seemed to catch his reaction, and grabbed his arm before he could continue. “Hey. One thing you’ll learn in this line of work, is that judging people isn’t going to do you any good. You’ll have to work with loads of different people, and no matter what, we’re all outcasts together.”

“I’m not in this line of work,” Roman scoffed. “I saved your ass one time, and couldn’t go back in case I got caught. The first chance I get, I’m going back to the village. You don’t even want me here anyway.”

Remus seemed genuinely baffled. “What makes you think that?”

Roman looked at the ground. He felt a little pathetic admitting out loud what had been bothering him. “You didn’t tell that stall owner that I’m your brother.”

“Well, yeah, obviously,” Remus said, raising an eyebrow. When Roman still didn’t get it, he sighed. “Look. If those goons find out I’m carting my little brother around, they’ll think I’ve gone soft.”

“We’re the same age,” Roman said.

“I’m nine minutes older,” Remus said. “Anyway, let’s get this stuff back to the ship. I don’t wanna get caught up in whatever’s going on up there.”

He nodded to the boardwalk the commotion had come from. Roman sighed and followed Remus back to the ship.

-----

Patton wasn’t quite sure what to make of Remus. He’d known that Roman had a relative who was kicked out of the village after one too many petty crimes, but he’d expected that person to be a distant cousin from the way Roman’s parents talked about him, not a brother – and an identical twin, no less. At first, Remus hadn’t seemed like Roman at all. He was brash where Roman was gentle. But they seemed to have the same love for adventure, the same twinkle in their eyes when they had an idea.

He sighed as he started to load some crates onto the ship. He’d stayed behind to give Roman some bonding time with his brother, and some of the crew had just gotten back with supplies. Janus had gone to supervise the things that needed taking below deck, leaving Patton alone to take some of the smaller boxes on board.

A blur of purple whizzed past him, but before he could investigate it he was distracted by the rumble of footsteps on the boardwalk above. He glimpsed a hoard of people – pirates, he presumed – racing across the boardwalk.

Those noisy pirates. Someone ought to teach them some manners.

“Do you need any help with that?”

Patton looked up. A man wrapped up in a loose-fitting dark purple cloak was standing by the crates on the opposite side of the cove. He was shifting nervously from one foot to the other, as if he was half a second from dashing off again.

Patton glanced around. There was only one entrance to the harbour, and he hadn’t seen anyone come through it. The man must have entered when he was distracted.

“If you could, that would be great!” He beamed, hoping to ease some of the boy’s nerves. “I’m just taking these crates aboard, if you can pick some of those up.”

He glanced at the stranger, who seemed a little scrawny under the cloak.

“I’m stronger than I look,” the stranger muttered, a touch petulantly, and he hefted one of the boxes easily.

Patton took his own box aboard, motioning for the stranger to follow, but noticed that he hesitated when he reached the gangplank. “It’s ok, you can come aboard!” He assured him cheerfully.

The stranger smiled, and took the box aboard.

When Patton had taken the last box aboard, he turned around to his new friend with a smile. “Hey, I didn’t catch your- name...”

He furrowed his eyebrows, realising he was suddenly alone in the harbour. Perhaps his friend had somewhere to rush off to, he had appeared quite suddenly after all.

“Patton!”

He turned around when he heard Janus call his name. He was coming up from below deck with the rest of the crew.

“Thank you for bringing those crates on board, we can get going as soon as Remus gets back,” Janus said with a smile. Then he nodded over Patton’s shoulder. “Speak of the devil.”

“Roman!” Patton called, running into his fiancé’s arms as soon as he rounded the corner into the cove.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Roman said, catching him with ease and pressing a little kiss to the top of Patton’s head.

Remus walked straight past them, and began talking in hushed murmurs with Janus.

“...and apparently there’s a vampire about,” he heard Remus say as he and Roman approached them. “And hunters, or at least people who fancy themselves to be.”

Janus’ expression turned sour, and he nodded. “Alright then. That’s as good a reason as any to leave now.”

As Remus was untying the ship from the makeshift dock, a mob of people rounded the corner. Some had weapons drawn, and all of them looked furious. One of them yelled and pointed at the boat.

“Shit,” Remus said, hopping back onto the boat. “Man the rigging!” He yelled. “We’re getting out of here!”

A couple of the younger crew members – Patton had briefly spoken to one of them yesterday, a small sullen kid called Elliott – raced over to the mast and began to climb, unfurling the sails. 

“Who are those people?” Roman shouted to Remus, looking back at the shore.

“Don’t know,” Remus called back, “but they seem to have a problem with us!”

The boat began to move as the mob advanced towards them. They sailed out of the port just as the mob reached the shoreline. A few of them waded into the water up to their knees, but there was no way they could reach the boat.

“Do you always do things like that?” Roman asked Remus, once they were clear.

“There’s usually more swordfighting, but yeah, being chased by an angry mob is pretty average for us,” Remus said.

Patton leaned back against Roman’s shoulder, and Roman murmured to him, “What have we gotten ourselves into?”

[katelynn-a-fan]

Somewhere Over The Rainbow: Chapter 10

First | Previous | Next | Masterlist | Ao3

Summary: Remus and Patton deal with some...... things...

Word count: 3.9k (3871)

Warnings: Overt Homophobia, Abuse of Authority

“Mr. Cortés? I see that you are… otherwise occupied, but I have been informed you have pertinent information on this child?”

Looking up, Patton was met with a stranger’s eyes to go along with the unfamiliar voice that had so easy cut through his mind like butter, pulling him from the last dregs of the comfortable numb in his bones into the harsh light and sound and smell-

“Woah… Don’t force yourself to take everything in all at once, Pat. Just tell me if you want to answer the officer’s questions.”

Officer? Like police? He- What? Why are the police here? I didn’t do anything illegal, what- I- Why-

“Sir? Are you alright?”

Reeling back, Patton blinked as he clung suddenly to Remus as to not fall completely over. Once again, Patton met this officer's eyes, this time able to take in the officer's full face. 

Once again, Patton’s face frowned automatically as he watched the officers eyes linger elsewhere. 

“Are you okay with answering their questions? You just need to indicate yes or no and I’ll tell them later for you. You’ll have to answer their questions at some point, but you don’t have to right now.”

His finger fumbling for a moment, he squeezed Remus, moving his lips to Remus’s ear. With barely a breath, Patton mouthed into Remus’s ear.

“Eat. Breakfast. Still hungry. Talk later….please”

Pulling back, Patton’s eyes searched Remus’s incase Patton had been too quiet for him to hear. Remus smirked as he did so, and Patton’s cheeks barely tinged at the sight. 

“Sorry officers, Patton will get to you, but events happened at inopportune times and Patton (and me for that matter) haven’t had proper food in over 12 hours and we already have our meals here to eat. So Patton wants to talk after he’s had that, and he made great care to say ‘Please’ as well. Surely you officers can wait until then?”

Staring at the officers, Remus shot them a completely deadpan look. The closest officer simply nodded in agreement, shooting Patton a sad sort of smile. It was enough for Patton to manage a small smile at her. But the same couldn’t be said for the other officer, who’s expression wasn’t too out of the norm, but even out of the corner of his eye, he saw the flicker of… some kind frown on his face.

At the barest glimpse of whatever was happening with the other officer, Patton’s smile immediately dropped and turned back to Remus protectively.

Wh- I just… want to… I… don’t know exactly what I want right now.

“Okay, sir, I must stress that me and my partner are on a schedule, but we won’t deprive you of your meal. We’ll just be down the hall, so wherever you’re done, just get our attention and we can get your story then.”

Peeking out of the very corner of his eye, he saw the first officer still smiling that same way. He quickly nodded, barely able not to glance at the other officer.

That other officer… just… don’t think about him for now. For now, it’s time to eat.

Holding Patton closer to his chest, Remus’s body shifted against Patton as nodded to the officers once again.

“Thank you for understanding officers. We have been awake nearly since last night like I said, so I appreciate this.”

Relishing in the warm vibrations of Remus’s chest, Patton gently pressed his face into Remus’s chest. He was so focused on Remus’s voice within his chest that he never heard the officers’ boots walking away from only a few feet away. The only thing he did hear was Remus speaking to him once they were probably already halfway down the hallway.

“Patton? Are you okay? I’m glad they understood that you needed at least a little bit of space. You- I’m still concerned… You just shut down after I came out of Thomas’s room and you latched onto me.”

Mouth opening wide, Patton went to say he was completely fine, just tired, or the thousands of other excuses he could come up with. But the words caught in his throat instead, everything wasn’t true, he was not fine in the slightest. Should- should he admit that? Should he ignore it? Should he lie?

Patton’s mouth snapped shut.

Instead, he wrapped his arms around Remus’s shoulders and gently squeezed the back of his neck as he pulled back to look into Remus’s misty, cloudy gray eyes.

“I… I want to tell them… but… Something… I don’t know,” Patton rasped as he bent forward to press his forehead to Remus’s neck before pulling back almost immediately. “Something just doesn’t feel right… Can- Can you stay with me? When they question me? You were there too at some point, so it would make sense.”

Running his hands along Patton’s arms, Remus tilted his neck until he made eye contact with Patton again. His eyes immediately softened when they met Patton’s watery brown eyes.

“Of course, Patton. But… you didn’t answer my question. Are you okay? What’s going on in that head of yours?” 

Biting his lip slightly, Patton gazed down as his mind whirred. 

Was he okay?

Truth be told, nothing was okay in this situation. Thomas was hurt, Patton couldn’t reach him, Remus likely couldn’t work until his next shift to help him. Really, all Patton wanted to do was grab Thomas’s hand again and cry. 

But instead of saying all that, Patton wiped at the moisture on his face from his long ago shed tears and twisted his expression into a weak form of his usual smile. 

“Um… yeah… as okay as I can be… I’m willing to talk to them now.”

Raising an eyebrow as Patton evaded the true question for the second time, Remus sighed as he began to rub tiny soothing circles on Patton’s back before waving down the hall to the officers. Midconversation, the officers stop conversing for a moment and the closer one waves back before they finish their conversation as they approach the two of them.

“Mr. Cortes? Are you ready to come with us?” The nicer officer asked, stance wide but face a bit more welcoming.

Patton clung tighter to Remus at the mere idea of being apart.

“Yes- But he has to come with me as well.”

The other officer frowned, “I apologize, but I’m afraid we are only interested in interviewing you, Mr. Cortes.”

Shaking his head, Patton’s hand clenched around Remus’s now very rumpled scrubs. He couldn’t leave Remus, not now.

“No. If you can’t take him, then you can’t take me. It’s both of us or nothing.” Patton scowled, leveling a glare at the closest officer.

The words were foreignly harsh in Patton’s mouth, sharp and unforgiving, but at the moment, Patton could not care less. Remus was with him and for now that’s all that mattered. Officers be damned, he wasn’t budging an inch away from Remus. 

Sighing heavily, the first officer pinched their nose after running them along their brow. 

“Sir. All I need to know is the process of how you found this child and when you’re done you can get back to your… friend and-”

“It’s both of us or nothing.” Patton repeated with a snarl. Rotating around Remus, Patton subtly placed himself protectively between the officers and Remus.

“Yes. When you hear what happened, you’ll be grateful I’m there to support him. As a friend, I must support him any way I can including when they are being questioned during a time where they are obviously distressed.

The officers, to their credit, stepped back a moment and deliberated between the two of them for a bit, debating something with a few hand gestures before they turned back to the two of them.

“Okay, Mr. Cortes. We will allow… Mr…?”

The officer gestured towards Remus. 

Grinning back, Remus’s smile never reached his eyes

“Mr. Remus for now. If you need more info than that, you can query the front desk for more. Now please, I’m sure you have inquired about a room where we can take your questions.” Remus’s too chipper voice chirped.

No one moved as the question hung in the air, the officers shifting uncomfortably before Remus’s thin facade smile finally fell and Remus huffed.

“Okay… you didn’t… Hffph. Well...I know a discrete place then. Follow me.” Remus ground out, his expression leveled and hard until he turned to Patton where it immediately softened as Remus pulled back just slightly even as Patton’s grip tightened. ”Patton, hold my hand, I’m not going to leave. I promise.” 

Managing to free his arm, Remus leaned back as much as he could and stuck his hand towards Patton’s with wide sympathetic eyes that had Patton’s insides melting immediately. 

Remus was sad? Because of him? He wanted Patton to do something… Patton would do it so Remus wasn’t sad at him anymore. Remus should never be sad. He was Patton’s friend and Patton’s friends should be happy even when Patton wasn’t.

Despite how much it pained Patton to do so, Patton slowly let go of Remus and placed his hand in Remus’s. Even then, each bit of him that left contact with Remus was as if parts of his very soul were being yanked from his being. Eventually, all Patton had left was the measly presence of the fingers in his, a paltry substitution for what he had before.

Breathing deeply a few times, Patton managed to get the fluttering in heart to die down as he squeezed Remus’s hand a few times. And then…

“I’m ready to go.” Patton whispered only loud enough for Remus to hear and was met with an answering squeeze.

Pulling lightly, Remus stepped forward to signal Patton to follow just slightly behind. The officers trailed behind the two of them awkwardly as well, their pace interrupted every so often when they had to stop for a doctor or another nurse or the various inattentive patients they encountered. 

As a bed was pushed out of a room suddenly, Remus pulled sharply to a stop, causing one of the officers to run into Patton from behind.

“Oof!

In an instant, Remus whipped around and glared at the officer after registering what had happened. The officer backed up immediately, holding up one of their hands up in apology while the other dipped to their belt. Tugging on Remus’s hand, Patton shut down the moment with a frown.

Unaccustomed to the building, Patton was lead down an endless number of corridors before Remus slowed and announced a bit too cheerfully to the group.

“We’re here!” 

Slowing down, Patton could help but frown as they stopped at a non assuming looking door that at first appearance didn’t appear to be capable of housing a room big enough for the 4 of them.

“SIr, I don’t think-”

The officer was cut off as Remus tugged Patton forwards, Patton’s frown slowly fading as Remus opened the door.

Patton froze, eye wide as he let go of Remus’s hand.

The room around them was decorated in brightly colored animal patterns on the walls, boxes of toys in the corner, but the creme de la creme was the pure mound of stuffed animals ranging from smaller than a beanie baby to at least as big as a toddler and bigger.

Unable to contain the impulse to make a sound, Patton let out a squeal as heran over nabbed the giant frog plushie that was nearly half the size of him, hugging it so hard he would’ve squeezed it to death if it were alive. Running his hand along the material, the texture of the frog mesmerized Patton as he sat down that he didn’t snap out of it until Remus’s quiet “Patton” snapped him out of it.

Gazing up with a no doubt dazed expression on his face, it took a moment for Patton to stiffen and bolt up, still clinging to the giant stuffed animal.

“Sorry. I got a little excited. It’s been years since I’ve seen or had one of these this big. I’m…” Patton glanced to Remus, shuffling closer to him as subtly as he could. Eyes flickering to Patton, Remus stepped beside Patton once again, placing a gentle hand on Patton’s back  “...ready to answer your questions.”

With an expression that oozed a “ugh,finally” sort of attitude, the farthest officer crossed their arms as the other officer nodded.

“No worries, Mr. Cortes. Now…” Producing a notepad and pen, the closer officer began.

“Okay. First. I need to ask, how much do you trust Mr. Cortes here? And Mr. Cortes, how much do you trust this man?”

Remus didn’t even glance a moment at Patton before he responded, the hand on Patton’s back slowly beginning to move in circles on Patton’s back.

“With everything I am, officer.”

His shoulders still trembling slightly, Patton nodded, pressing his face half into the stuffed animal..

“As do I.”

The notepad officer blinked, but dutifully jotted something down quickly before continuing.

“Where did you find this child? Do you have any idea who could’ve done hat happened? Do you know….”

And so the questions went. 

The officer let Patton explain what he had seen, with a couple of pauses for Patton to press his face into the stuffed animal to stifle a sob. But all the while, they simply asked questions to prompt more details, nothing that dug deeper than Patton was willing to go. 

Thomas’s tiny body was still etched into Patton’s brain, curled up and frozen half to death on his front porch, no parent to be found. In a lull in the questioning, he found himself wondering exactly how long Thomas was in below freezing cold with nothing so much as a coat or any protection past the rags Patton found him in. He was so thin and cold and unmoving and blue and-

“Mr…. Cortes?” The nice officer gently prompted, enough to still jolt Patton out of his thoughts abruptly. Bringing his head up, he smiled apologetically at the officer who had tilted their head curiously.

“Sorry, Officer… Um.. Officer….”

Smiling warmly, the nice officer shook their head slightly.

“Call me Officer O’keefe.”

A note of familiarity rang through Patton’s brain, but he didn’t pursue the feeling as he instead smiled warmly back at Officer O’keefe.

“Thank you, Officer O’keefe. I apologize for becoming distracted, I just… I just keep seeing him… the way I found him…”

“Hah-” The officer at the door scoffed, arms crossed as they leaned back against the far wall.

Tensing, Remus’s hand halted where it had shortly resumed rubbing Patton’s back. Much like back near Thomas’s room, it was Remus that stepped in front of Patton protectively.

“What’s so funny, Officer? You don’t appear to be taking my friend’s words seriously.” Remus’s tone was low and dangerous. It took only a moment for Patton to try to get past Remus to stop him as surely the Officer didn’t mean it, but the moment Remus stuck his hand out to stop him, the Officer made another sound and finally pushed themselves upright.

“Oh nothing’s funny. It's that I find it hard to believe you didn’t hear anything. I find it hard to believe you would just find this child on your doorstep.”

Oh.

Oh no they didn’t.

If Patton had any doubts about their intentions and if they meant it, there was absolutely none in Pattno’s mind now.

“Are… you suggesting we didn’t see what we saw?” Patton’s voice was borderline challenging, but he didn’t care. He cared about this child with literally all he was, damn it! No one could get in between them, much less someone who won’t respect and completely disbelieve the very man who saved them!

I shouldn’t have to justify myself like this! This person… how can they be so unprofessional? Asking questions like this to us- me?

“That’s exactly what I’m saying-”

“Officer-” Officer O’keefe tried to interject, but the other Officer continued.

“-because faggots like you are not the most trustworthy people. With whom you ‘want’ to marry and all.”

Patton’s vision tinging red, he’s surprised he isn’t the one pouncing on the officer as Remus’s expression morphed into complete and utter fury and Patton has to latch onto him just to keep him from doing the same.

“Ah! Patton, let me go! I won’t let you be talked to like this! LET GO!”

The unidentified officer immediately had both their hands hovering at their waist, both near their taser and their gun. 

But the room grew instantly still and quiet as Officer O’keefe’s voice filled the room.

“Officer Dexter! Come here. And Mr...Remus, I would propose that you do not attempt to physically attack an officer of the law. Neither of us want to do something that we would regret, would we now?“

Struggling in Patton’s hold only a moment longer, Remus abruptly stilled, blinking as he looked over to Patton who had a thin sheen of sweat on his forehead from the effort of holding him back. It was as if a truck hit him as Remus immediately cupped his arms as gently as he could around Patton, murmuring apologies quiet enough only Patton could hear. It didn’t escape Patton, however, that every so often Remus would glare over towards the two officers.

The officers, on the other hand, were nestled in the corner of the room, with the nice officer half-yelling yet managing not to fill the small room with their commanding voice. Ducking their head, the other officer had their eyes on the ground as they were getting reamed out by the other officer.

“Officer Dexter! I am ashamed of your conduct with civilians! If you have personal convictions of a victim or a witness, I suggest in the future, you fucking keep them to yourself or you might find they won’t hesitate to lash out for the comments, much like Mr. Remus rightfully fucking did. Be grateful I’m not reporting you directly to our boss for this, as I don’t want to deal with your bullshit much longer. After this, you have to explain to them why the last willing officer to train you also rejected you,“ Officer O’keefe snarled, lowering their voice as they turned around to Patton and Remus, their eyes sympathetic and apologetic even without words. “I apologize for my trainee’s misconduct. They will be punished accordingly. I hope the added stress they caused was not too detrimental.”

Shaking their head, they gestured vaguely to Officer Dexter to peel themself from the corner and pointed to the door without even looking. The moment the door clicked shut after Officer Dexter silently slunk to the door, sending a surprisingly half-hearted glare to the two embracing men, Officer O’keefe sighed and pinched the bridge of their nose as some of the tension in their forehead finally smoothed over.

“Is there anything else you can think to mention about the night? Any information that would help the investigation?”

Opening his mouth, Patton was about to tell them that they didn’t have anything more, but the words stalled as all that had happened the last 24 hours re-ran through his head. Instead, he straightened up cupping Remus’s hand on him.

“They… Whoever did this… did… unspeakable things to him. If you or any of your friends find out who did this, don’t go easy on them. It’s the least they deserve.”

It took a moment, but as a flash of comprehension gleamed in Officer O’keefe eyes, their fist clenched and when they replied, their voice was barely steady.

“Of course, Mr. Cortes. You can go back to the boy now, I hope the complications will be resolved… You are very caring and kind, don’t ever lose that. And Mr. Remus,” Remus’s hands twitched on Patton’s back as the glare still trained on the door where Officer Dexter had fled glided over to Officer O’keefe, softening only slightly. “Never stop protecting the things you care about.”

Nodding stiffly, Remus patted Patton lightly on the back, guiding him to the door.

“Goodbye Officer O’keefe.”

“Thank you, both of you.”

Quickly pushing open the door, Patton hesitated only to throw the frog stuffed animal back into the pile where it belonged. After he turned back, he wrapped his arm around Remus like Remus had before as they squeezed through the narrow doorway.

Outside in the hall, they passed Officer Dexter making themself as scarce as possible when the two of them passed.

“I’m sorry.” Out of earshot of Officer Dexter, Remus whispered quietly as other nurses walked by, giving both of them a vaguely confused look. Waving vaguely back to the nurse, Remus met their eyes and shook his head. 

Remus would probably have a story to tell later. But for now, held fast to Patton instead.

“For what?”

Gazing down, Patton blinked innocently even as Remus’s brows drew together as he met Patton’s eyes. However, Remus’s eyes just as quickly escaped the gaze back to the ground.

“What do you mean? I’m sorry for freaking out and trying to- Trying to-”

Hand around Remus’s side, Patton squeezed gently enough to raise Remus’s eyes right back to Patton’s. Eyes so suddenly full of regret and pain that Patton stepped to the side against the wall of the hallway. 

“Hey, no! I meant that you had nothing to apologize for when I asked that. You had every right to be angry at what that officer said. I would never fault you for having emotions.“ Running his hands up Remus’s arms, Patton quietly whispered barely above a mere breath as he wiped under Remus’s eyes where moisture had gathered.

“But- but I made you hold me bac-” Remus’s voice tapered off as Patton’s stern look met his.

Pressing a gentle kiss on Remus’s forehead, Patton’s face softened.

“You did no such thing. I did that because I wanted to. Don’t you dare put yourself down like that.”

Leaning into Remus, the edges of Patton’s lips turned up as Remus melted into him, those same apologies in the room coming back before Patton murmured assurances silenced them.

It took a long moment, the quiet back and forth cut short as a random announcement was projected over the overhead intercom, both of the men jumping even as they held the other. Both of them looked around wildly and they both faced each other at the same time, bursting out in giggles as the tension of the situation finally dissipated. 

In moments, the giggles tapered off into heavier than usual breaths until Patton gripped Remus’s shoulder with a sigh.

“Come on. It’s been more than enough time away from the other two. Let’s get back.” 

Between shuddering breaths, Remus nodded and groaned quietly as Patton wrapped his arm around his back and leaned the barest amount on him.

“Okay. I- I...” The words died on his lips as he perked his head up, an echoing announcement reverberating from down another hallway. Eyes cast randomly to a nearby wall, Patton opened his mouth to ask what had caught his attention when Remus’s back tightened in an instant.

“Wha-”

“They called Dr. Kagan for something. We need to get back now.”

[emphasis-on-the-oopsie]

@spacedouterri @royalityy

Might I suggest “I don’t want to be alone.” with Royaliceit?

okay um. this one really got away from me, as i’m sure you can tell from the word count, so i really hope you like roman angst (w/ a happy ending, bc i’m not a monster)

Title: we are not alone (in the dark with our demons)

Word Count: 5,888

Content Warnings: roman-typical self-worth issues

(fic masterpost)

Roman has never really known what love is.

Oh, he pretends well enough. That’s his job, after all. He is Thomas’ hopes and dreams, his most romantic fantasies, and he performs that role well, spouting off suggestions about grand gestures and acts of true love and deeds of valor and honor and bravery. And it’s not as if he’s lying; based on every story he’s ever read, every Disney movie he’s ever watched, that is the epitome of what romance should be. And he thinks he would like that, would like to execute these grand gestures for someone, would like to sweep someone off their feet, be their savior, their hero.

Someone becomes Patton so gradually that he doesn’t notice for a very long time. Doesn’t notice how his heart beats faster whenever Patton is in the room, doesn’t notice how he hangs off Patton’s every word, doesn’t notice how he would do just about anything to get Patton to smile at him. Or rather, he does notice, sort of, in a vague, curious way. He’s just not sure what it means.

And then comes the wedding. And Roman thinks he understands what love is after all. Because the words of the others have always hurt him, their criticisms and mockery never as easily shaken off as he likes them to think, but this? This is something different. He watches as Patton sides with Deceit, with the side he was told not to believe, was told was in the wrong, was told was bad for Thomas, so you shouldn’t listen to him, Roman! He watches as Patton sides with Deceit, as Thomas sides with Deceit, upending everything he thought he believed, and the betrayal hits him like a knife to his chest. And he knows that it wouldn’t sting nearly so much if he didn’t trust Patton, if he wasn’t willing to follow him anywhere, if he didn’t love him, and the realization is far more bitter than sweet.

So, love is this: heartbreak, the stifling silences between breaths, and the words, we love you, said as if he is supposed to accept them.

He doesn’t. And why should he? He works so hard, tries his best every hour of every day, and this is what it gets him? A blow to the back of his head, faded and empty promises, a snake whispering in the dark, and Thomas turning away from him. You are! rings in his head, stuttered, placating, a lie.

And perhaps Thomas is right. Perhaps they are all right. And if Deceit is right, then he must be wrong. Isn’t that how it goes? Someone has to be the villain, after all. What else is he, if not a washed-up prince, a hero that has never managed to save anyone, a Creativity that is not nearly as good as he portrays himself to be?

God. No wonder they don’t love him.

So he throws himself into being better, into being more. He swallows his pride and apologizes to Deceit— to Janus, he supposes, though something about using the name still leaves an acrid taste in the back of his throat— and if the apology is a bit halfhearted, not entirely meant, Deceit doesn’t call him out on it, and he doesn’t call out Deceit’s apology in turn (and he has no idea, none at all, whether he means it sincerely or not. He can never tell, anymore, whether the words out of Deceit’s mouth are lies or truths, and sometimes, he thinks it doesn’t matter either way).

He asks Logan for input more often. He tries harder not to antagonize Virgil, or at least, not in the ways that truly bother him. He smiles at Patton when Patton approaches him, smiles and insists that he’s fine, even though he feels like his heart has been ripped out of his chest and dropped into oncoming traffic.

And Patton believes him. That is, perhaps, what hurts worst of all, that he doesn’t see the way he’s falling apart beneath the thin veneer of bravado.

But he can’t blame him for that. Roman is, if nothing else, a good actor. A good liar.

He spends more time working, coming up with ideas that are bigger and better than any of his previous ones. He presents them to Thomas, and acts like his entire being isn’t screaming for some form of validation, any scrap of affection, any crumb that might tell him that Thomas doesn’t think he’s too much of a failure after all. And sometimes, he gets that. Sometimes, the ideas are good. Sometimes, Thomas grins and thanks him and congratulates him on a job well done.

More often, the ideas aren’t good enough. More often, it’s back to the drawing board. He barely sleeps these days, can barely be bothered to try.

And he thinks about love a lot. Thinks in the privacy and secrecy of his own mind that maybe, love isn’t worth it, if it hurts this much. Thinks that he wishes that these feelings would go away, and then maybe, he could begin to claw his way back toward normalcy.

But he’s too aware of it, now. Too aware of the way that Patton smiles and moves, too aware of his kindness and his concern and the way he always tries to take such good care of everyone. The betrayal still sits heavy in his chest, but it’s like an old wound, now, one that still pains him but one that he can ignore most days, because in the end, he’s not sure that Patton was wrong at all in what he did, in choosing Deceit over him. He thinks that maybe he was wrong, that he still is, and he’s doing his best to change that, but he has never known how to be anything different from what he is. He has only known how to cover it all up, how to wrap himself in glittering paper and a shiny bow and hope that no one looks too closely at what lies underneath.

Perhaps he’s getting too lost in his own head. Perhaps that’s why he doesn’t see it coming.

It’s the only explanation he can think of. He should have noticed it, otherwise, should have seen the way that Patton and Deceit inch together, like two stars sliding into each other’s orbits. He should have seen the cautious glances, charged with so much more emotion than words could say, should have seen the tentative touches, should have seen the way they angle themselves toward each other whenever they’re in the same room. He should have seen it, should have guessed it, but he didn’t, so when Patton announces one night, over dinner, that he and Janus have decided to begin a relationship, he is taken completely by surprise.

Logan extends congratulations. Virgil’s blessing is far more cautious, still very wary of Deceit’s increased presence in their lives, but he appears glad for Patton, at least. And Roman offers the loudest, most boisterous well-wishes he can think of, professing his joy for Patton’s newfound happiness, putting forth anything and everything he can think of to direct attention away from the fact that on the inside, he just feels—

Numb.

Numb. Cold. Empty.

He knew he couldn’t have him. He knew that Patton could never return his affections. But apparently, there is a great deal of difference between knowing and knowing, and that difference is sobbed into his pillow in the early hours of the morning.

He falls into an uneasy sleep, and his dreams are of Patton, Patton smiling, Patton laughing, Patton telling him that he did good, Patton kissing him and tasting of citrus and cotton candy. And then, the dreams change, and Janus is there, too, sliding around the edges, smooth and confident and beautiful, his every motion poetry, his every glance a caress, and Roman takes his face in his hands and kisses him just as soundly as he did Patton, and then, he wakes up, shaking.

This cannot be right. This cannot be right, because these are all the emotions he pushed deep, deep down inside of him, never to see the light of day again. These are the emotions that he rejected after the theater, after the courtroom, after everyone told him time and time again that Deceit was wrong, that Deceit was bad, and if he wanted to be right, wanted to be good, he needed to treat Deceit like the villain he was. And so he did, and pretended that he has never wondered what Deceit’s lips would feel like on his, what it would be like to trace his fingers down those glimmering scales.

It seems that the time for pretending is over.

Once ended, an illusion cannot be reformed. The audience knows the trick now, would see right through any further conjuration. And Roman, too, can no longer fool himself into believing that what he feels does not exist, or that it will go away if he ignores it. He watches Patton, and he watches Janus, and he watches them together, cooking in the kitchen or cuddling on the sofa or simply sitting near each other and enjoying the company, and he burns for them, bright and hot and never-ending, fueled by the sheer force of his want. Roman is passion and Roman is desire, and he desires them, desires their attention and their affection and their love, and it’s like an arrow to his heart to know that he cannot have them, cannot have this.

Because they already have each other. And even if he were worthy of them in the first place, there is no space for him between them.

So, he does the hardest thing he has ever done in his life, and he pulls away.

He tries not to be obvious about it, tries not to do anything that might arouse suspicion or concern. He works longer, harder, makes excuses to miss meals and family gatherings. Loneliness settles into him like a physical weight, one that presses against his chest and makes it hard to breathe. Sometimes, he feels as though he stands on the edge of a precipice, a yawning chasm below, and all he has to do to fall is take one step forward. Sometimes, he feels as though he’s already falling, the wind whistling in his ears, gravity dragging him ever downward.

They give him looks, sometimes. Patton more often than Janus, though that might just be because Janus is more subtle. He can never interpret these looks. They’re always contemplative, perhaps a bit confused, perhaps a bit sad, and he doesn’t know what that means. Part of him fears that they’ve figured it out, figured him out, him and his hopeless, stupid love. Part of him wants them to, wants them to see right past him to all his dirty secrets, wants them to rip the bandage off, to let him down gently, to tell him what he already knows.

Part of him wants to fall.

The loneliness becomes tangible, surrounding him like a fog. He’s surprised no one else can see it. But then, that is the point, isn’t it?

He’s chosen this.

And it all hits him one evening, as the sun has just begun to set and he’s skipped yet another dinner, claiming to be off on a quest in the Imagination. He hasn’t been on a quest for a while, hasn’t been able to muster up the energy, or the persona. Quests are for princes, for heroes, and these days, he’s not so sure that he’s either of those. He certainly doesn’t feel like one. He plans to work instead, to churn out a few more video ideas for Thomas in the hopes that one is usable.

He finds himself curling up in a ball in the corner of his room, tears stinging in his eyes.

There’s no particular reason for it. Nothing about today has been any worse than any other recent days. This feels like something that has building for a while, like a rubber band stretched until it snaps. And he feels like he’s snapped, like something essential in him has broken, and he knows that he should be able to move past this, should get back up and get back to work, but he can’t, and that fact just sends him spiraling more, because if he can’t create anything and he can’t love properly, then what good is he?

He shudders, choking on a sob and sucking in a desperate breath. He stuffs his fist in his mouth, trying to muffle the cries that seek to escape him, as if from a wounded animal, and perhaps that’s exactly what he is. A wounded animal, begging for comfort, for solace, and finding nothing at all.

He wants someone here. Just, someone. Anyone. Someone to hold him and tell him that everything will be alright, even if it’s a lie. Someone to dry his tears, to grasp his hands, to touch him. He wants it and he can’t have it, and he feels so, so alone.

Even if he deserved reassurance, he wouldn’t seek it. He’s supposed to be strong, supposed to be a prince, for heaven’s sake, and even if he knows just how weak he truly is, the others don’t.

He can’t let anyone see him like this.

And that is when the knock sounds on his door, as if summoned by his thoughts. Four times, a light, quick beat. He freezes, alarm coursing through him.

“Hey, Roman?” It’s Patton. It’s Patton, and he sounds worried, and Roman hates himself for becoming a source of stress. “I, uh, I brought you dinner. I know you said you’d grab something later, but you haven’t been down for a meal with everyone in a while, so, uh. I’m getting a little bit worried about you. Could I come in?”

He takes a steadying breath. He needs to respond, because if he doesn’t, Patton will likely enter anyway, just to check on him. So he needs to reply, and hope for the life of him that whatever he says is good enough to persuade him to leave, to persuade him that all is well.

“Just leave it outside the door,” he calls out. His voice sounds thick and clumsy even to his own ears. It’s because of the tears, but perhaps he can claim he just woke up from a nap, if Patton asks. “I’ll grab it in a bit.” And then, he winces, because that sounds rude, sounds callous, sounds like he doesn’t care that Patton has made the effort to come up here and bring him food. It’s quite the opposite; he cares far too much. So he tacks on, “Thanks, Pat,” hoping that at least some of his gratitude will come across.

Instead, his voice breaks, and his breath hitches as he forcibly suppresses another sob.

For a long moment, Patton is silent.

“Are you… okay?” he asks. “I’m coming in, Roman.”

No.

“Please don’t,” he says, and realizes even as he does that his voice is too frantic, too desperate, and it won’t fool Patton for even a second. “I’m fine.”

The doorknob turns, and the door slowly swings open. Not all the way, just enough for Patton to poke his head through, his brows furrowed in concern. There is a plate in his hands, and the room fills with the scent of cooked pasta. Spaghetti, he thinks. One of his favorites.

“You don’t sound fine,” Patton says, and then his gaze finally lands on Roman, and Roman would like to melt into the floor in shame. He knows what he must look like, knows he must seem an utter disaster, with his rumpled clothes and tear-stained face, curled up in the corner like the pathetic mess of a side he is.

“Oh,” Patton says, eyes widening. He seems shocked for a moment, but then, he is moving, entering the room all the way and rushing to Roman’s side, setting the plate down on his desk before kneeling next to him, hands outstretched but not touching, not quite, as if he’s unsure of his welcome. “Oh, sweetie, what’s wrong? What can I do?”

He shakes his head, staring at him, because how is he supposed to tell Patton the truth? How is he supposed to tell him that he aches for him, him and Janus both, longs to disrupt the happiness they’ve found in each other? How is he supposed to tell him that he’s pulled away to try to get over himself, to prevent himself from doing something rash, to attempt to make the problem disappear, and instead has only succeeded in making himself feel worse? How is he supposed to admit any of this?

How is he supposed to admit that he’s a failure?

“It’s just…” he starts. “It’s too much, right now. I’ll, I’ll be okay, I just need…” He cuts himself off, burying his face in his hands, because he knows exactly what he needs, and he can’t let himself say it out loud, but if he voices anything else, it would be a lie, and he’s already lying to Patton so much, and he’s so tired.

“What do you need, honey?” Patton asks, but he just curls in on himself more.

New strategy: maybe if he doesn’t answer at all, Patton will get fed up and leave. It’s unlikely, because that’s just not the kind of person that Patton is. But it’s the only viable plan he has left.

Patton doesn’t leave.

“That’s okay, Roman. You don’t have to say anything if you don’t wanna.” Patton hesitates, and Roman is tempted to look at him, to take the measure of whatever expression is on his face. “Would it be alright if I touched you?”

And he does look then, looks and finds that the only emotion on Patton’s face is concern, a desire to help, so he nods, and Patton reaches out to him, gathering him into his arms, and Roman can’t remember the last time he was touched like this. He feels so safe, so warm, and so terribly, horribly guilty, because he can’t feel like he’s taking advantage of him, because Patton has no idea about the feelings that flutter in his chest, traitorous and excited by something so simple as mere contact, and his mind is so eager to twist this situation around, to make more out of it than it is.

Patton cares about him. He feels more secure about that than he used to. But it is the same kind of care that Patton offers to everyone, and he feels so selfish and awful for desiring more than that, and for not having the courage to even own up to doing so.

But he still relaxes into the embrace, lets Patton rub soothing circles into his back, even though it makes him sob harder, this moment that is so close to what he wants and yet so far.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Patton murmurs, “I promise. Everything’s gonna be okay.”

He shakes his head mutely. It’s all he can do.

Nothing is going to be okay. But he doesn’t have the words to explain that.

But maybe, if he can live in this moment for just a little while longer, he will regain the strength to pretend.

“Patton?” The voice floats in from outside his room, and he stiffens. “You’ve been gone for a while. Is everything— oh.”

Roman shifts his head, and his vision is blurry, but he can just make out the figure standing in his doorway, awkward and discomfited, his hands twitching as if he doesn’t know where to place them. It’s Janus, because of course it is Janus, come looking for his boyfriend, and here Roman is, taking up both of their time, now, and there is a part of him that selfishly delights in it, that insists that if this is all he will ever get from them, he might as well make the most of it.

“I can—” Janus shuffles his feet, oddly hesitant. “Here, I’ll just—”

He moves as to leave, and close the door behind him, and suddenly, that is the last thing Roman wants. It is too late to pretend that this never happened, too late to prevent him from seeing his humiliation in the first place. At this point, what is a little more selfishness?

“You can stay,” he murmurs, and he’s sure he doesn’t sound at all convincing, but Janus pauses anyway, a crease forming between his brows. When he enters the room, he does so cautiously, as if expecting Roman to change his mind at any moment, but he does enter, and that is what is most important. He kneels beside Patton, and Roman is certain that they exchange a glance over his head, some silent communication, before Janus tentatively reaches out and places a hand on Roman’s arm. It is clear that he is not practiced in offering comfort, but the fact that he is willing to try at all is enough to add to the tears still streaming down his face.

“Would you like to tell us what’s wrong?” Janus asks, and even when Roman doesn’t answer with anything more than hitching breaths and shallow sobs, turning his face back into Patton’s shirt because he can’t face this kindness, Janus doesn’t push him for more. Just sits there and offers silent support and a single source of contact.

It’s too much, really, having the both of them here, having Patton hugging him and Janus touching him, both of them offering care but not the kind of care that Roman wants most. And it’s so wrong of him to fool them into giving this to him, because this means so much more to him than it does to them and they have no idea. He’s essentially tricking them, tricking them in the worst kind of way, and the longer he sits there, crying against Patton’s chest, the worse he feels about it.

And eventually, his tears run dry. And he knows he has to end this.

“I’m okay now,” he mumbles, turning his head so that he’s no longer speaking into Patton’s shirt. “You guys can go.”

Janus arches a brow, and belatedly, Roman remembers that lying to the Lord of the Lies is an inadvisable move at best.

“Is that right?” Janus asks, doubt dripping from every syllable. He’s not aiming to wound, but Roman flinches anyway. “You’ve spent the past twenty minutes sobbing your heart out, and there’s absolutely no underlying reason that needs to be dealt with? Everything’s all hunky-dory?”

He wriggles out of Patton’s hold with no small amount of regret, shifting backward until there is a few feet of space between him and both of them. He tries to fix his expression into some semblance of a glare, though he’s certain it’s not very effective. He must look like a train wreck.

“All hunky-dory,” he confirms, and has to pause, because literally who says that anymore? He shouldn’t find that endearing. He shouldn’t. “I was just… overwhelmed. That’s all.”

It’s not technically a lie, so Janus shouldn’t be able to sense anything off. But he narrows his eyes in suspicion, reminding Roman that he’s still perfectly capable of detecting half-truths the normal way, though plain observation.

“You have been putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself lately,” Patton says, and Roman turns to him in surprise. Patton winces, wringing his hands. “I mean… I don’t wanna overstep any boundaries here, but it seems to me that we barely see you anymore, ‘cause you’re always holed up in here working. And I’m not saying that you need to stop or anything like that, especially not if you’re feeling a lot of inspiration these days, but, um. We miss you.” He pauses. “I miss you.” He says the last in an undertone, glancing at his lap, and Roman blinks.

“I didn’t…” He stops, trying to get his thoughts in order, but it’s a hopeless task. His thoughts are flying every which way, no rhyme or reason to them. “That is, I didn’t mean to—”

“If you’re going to finish that sentence with something along the lines of, I didn’t mean to avoid you, you needn’t bother,” Janus interrupts. His voice is smooth and unreadable, and something about it makes Roman want to crawl under a rock and hide there. “It’s fairly obvious to me that that’s exactly what you’ve been doing.” Patton frowns then, looking at Janus and opening his mouth to say something, but Janus holds up a hand, forestalling him. “What I don’t understand is why? Or at least, why Patton? Me, I get.”

It takes a moment for him to realize what Janus is saying, his mind taking far too long to wrangle his words into something approaching sense. “Wait, what?” he blurts out. “Why would you… why would you ‘get it’ if I was avoiding you?”

This is, perhaps, not the most urgent question he needs to ask. But he’s confused, now, confused and beginning to realize that once again, his actions may have had unintended consequences.

Janus looks at him like he’s crazy. “Roman, I am not unaware that you dislike me. And that’s… perfectly fine. After everything I’ve put you through, I… well, as I said, I understand.” He pauses, inhaling deeply, seeming to steady himself. “Again, I’m not asking for me. And I would appreciate an answer.”

Roman can only stare, his horror mounting as he realizes that Janus means every word of what he’s saying, that Janus truly believes that Roman doesn’t like him, and oh god, he’s gone and fucked all of this up, hasn’t he? He didn’t think they would notice him stepping back, much less draw the wrong conclusions, but apparently they have, and he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. He can lean into this, pretend to be angry with them, pretend not to want them around, no matter how much that would break him. Or he can tell them the truth, and be broken in an entirely different way when they reject him, kindly at best and in disgust at worst. There’s no good option, and it’s all he can do to keep his breathing even, to keep his lungs functioning.

But he looks at Janus, his face set into hard lines. And he looks at Patton, who doesn’t meet his eyes, whose dejection is shining through every inch of his slumped posture and in the way he fiddles with his fingers, anxious and discontent.

He didn’t think this would hurt them. Frankly, he thought they were too wrapped up in each other to notice much of what he was doing at all. But evidently, he has miscalculated, badly, and there is no good option, but he knows which one will hurt them less.

He’s been selfish enough.

He releases a shuddering breath, shaking his head and staring at the floor. He doesn’t have it in him to look at them, to watch their reactions to what he’s about to say. “I’m really sorry,” he says, and his voice emerges as a miserable whisper. “I didn’t, I didn’t mean to make you think that—” He cuts off. Gathers his thoughts into a coherent sentence. By the nine muses, this is difficult. “I don’t… I don’t dislike you. Either of you. Um, it’s the opposite. I, uh, like you a lot. Both of you. Too much.” He curls in on himself, wrapping his arms around his stomach, as if to hide, though he knows that there is no hiding from this, no going back. “I just, you two were so happy, and I didn’t want to, to get in the way, or ruin something, but I guess I failed at that too, huh? I… god, I’m so sorry.”

He stops talking. There’s nothing more he can say. It’s out in the open, now. No take-backs.

He’s not sure what he’s expecting. But it’s not for Patton to lunge forward, to grab him by the shoulders and jerk him upright, to force eye contact, sudden and startled.

“You could never,” Patton insists, and to Roman’s dismay, his voice is choked with tears. “Do you hear me? You could never, ever ruin anything.” He sniffles, then, losing some of his intensity, and leans forward, pressing his forehead against Roman’s. “I thought that I’d messed up,” he says. “I thought that it was still too much, after the wedding and everything that happened, and that you still wanted space, or time, and I felt so guilty because I didn’t want to let you have that, but I thought that if it was what you wanted, then I shouldn’t—” He sighs, cutting himself off and closing his eyes. A tear slips out from between his eyelids.

Roman, for his part, barely dares to breathe. Patton is so close.

“You,” he says, a stuttering start, because he doesn’t know what he’s saying, doesn’t know what Patton is saying, “you, what do you—”

“I like you a lot, too,” Patton says, and Roman can see the way his eyes shine and swirl, his irises a smeared mixture of Thomas’ brown and his own signature blue. “I have for… gosh, a really long time now. I guess I never thought there was a good time for me to do something about it, and then with the… everything, I thought for sure that you didn’t… I’m so sorry, Roman. You’ve been hurting all this time and I didn’t… I couldn’t…” He trails off into a sniffle, and as much as Roman would like to comfort him, he is frozen, working through the words that echo in his ears and in his brain.

Because he can’t have said what he thinks he’s just said, right? Because that would mean—

Unable to help himself, he looks over to Janus, expecting to see anger or dismay or something of the like, because if Roman is hearing this correctly, if Roman is interpreting this correctly, then Patton… Patton has just confessed to having feelings for him. And that in itself is difficult to process, impossible to accept, but surely Janus can’t approve of this, can’t allow this to happen, can’t let Roman get between him and his boyfriend—

Janus is staring, his eyes flitting back and forth between the two of them, and his expression is open and unguarded but there is no anger there, no fear, and when he catches Roman looking, it softens, suddenly, inexorably, and Roman can’t hope to understand it because he must be seeing wrong, because it looks an awful lot like—

Well. It looks an awful lot like the way he looks at Patton.

“You’ve always captivated me,” Janus says, simply, like it’s the easiest thing in the world. “I… I know that I’ve flattered you in the past, but I, ah. I might have meant more of it than I wanted to let on.” He glances away, as if embarrassed, and Roman feels as though he’s floating. “I’ll be the first to admit that I haven’t acquitted myself well, and for that, I am truly sorry.”

“We’ve talked about this, a little bit,” Patton says softly, and Roman drags his attention back to him, little though he wants to look away from Janus, from this confession that he can scarcely bring himself to believe. “You, that is. We both love you a whole lot, Roman. We didn’t think you’d be interested, so we didn’t bring it up before. But we’d be really, really happy if you’d join us, honey.”

He shudders, tearing himself away from Patton and immediately feeling the loss, the cold air against his forehead. He doesn’t know what to do, or what do say, and most of him can’t absorb the fact that this is happening, that this is real, that after so long being on his own, they’re both here, they know that he loves them, and they want him in return.

He should be ecstatic. Over the moon. Jumping for joy. But he has never once allowed himself to believe that he might have this, has never so much as entertained the possibility, so now, presented with everything he has longed for, he feels so terribly overwhelmed.

“It’s up to you,” Patton says softly. He reaches out, and when Roman doesn’t move to stop him, he takes his hand, and Roman could cry, he really could. “Whatever you’re comfortable with, whatever you want, we can do.”

He shakes his head desperately, a multitude of words springing to his lips but all of them falling short of being spoken, because he doesn’t know how to explain this, how to explain that it’s too much, being asked this, being asked what he wants, because he wants anything and everything, but he has spent so long telling himself that he can’t that he doesn’t know what to do now that he’s being told that he can.

And some of that must show on his face, because Patton scoots closer, concern driving a furrow in his brow, but then, suddenly, Janus is there, a steady presence at his side, one hand gently resting on his shoulder.

“It’s alright if you’re not ready for that,” he says, and Roman has never heard Janus speak so tenderly. Not like this, not to him. “It’s alright if you’re not ready for anything at all. But if you’d like, you could try starting with what you don’t want.”

At first, he’s not sure what Janus means, not sure how that will help. But then, his perspective flips, and he finds it easier, somehow, to focus on that, rather than the alternative. He wants so much, and he is too used to denying himself, but at this point, he knows very well what he doesn’t want.

“I don’t want to be alone,” he gasps out, and it’s practically a sob, weak and shattered. “Please, don’t leave me alone.”

Patton shifts closer once again, wrapping his arms around him for a second time. And Janus is here, too, pressing up against his side.

“Never,” Patton swears. “You never have to be alone, not ever again.”

“And that’s the whole truth and nothing but,” Janus adds, a bit wry but somehow still infinitely soft.

And they stay. With him. Just because he asked. And slowly, their proclamations sink in, the idea that perhaps they really do love him return, and goodness, he’s been so foolish, hasn’t he? Pushing them away because he thought it best, because he was so sure they wouldn’t want him, when really, it was the opposite. He hovers somewhere between laughing and breaking down into tears once again, but ends up doing neither, relaxing into the warmth of Patton’s arms holding him, of Janus right by his side.

Perhaps he was wrong, before. Perhaps even now, he has never truly understood what love is. He has spent the last weeks and months defining it by heartbreak, but perhaps it was never about that at all.

So, perhaps love is this: acceptance, the rhythm of three hearts beating as one, and the words, we’re not leaving, said aloud and finally, finally, Roman thinks he can accept them.

General Taglist:@just-perhaps @the-real-comically-insane @jerrysicle-tree @glitchybina @psodtqueer @mrbubbajones @snek-boii @severelylackinginquality @aceawkwardunicorn @gayerplease @elizabutgayer @dwbh888 @thatoneloudowl @sanderssides-angst @gayboopnoodle @wildfire5157

[brandstifter-sys]

Ngl I hate roceit for no reason but love anxceit 💀 idk (and remile gives me ick for some reason like Emile can do…better???)

awkward since that's like one of 4 Roman ships I can vibe with at all... including royality, royaliceit, and rosleep (⁠^⁠～⁠^⁠;⁠)⁠ゞ

thb I'm kinda meh about anxceit, no hate, it's just not my thing

and yeah, I can see why people think that last one is cute but it just feels forced more often than not so it's not a vibe

I'm not tagging this one except for my ask tag and a cw

[sandersshiping]

Tags if you're looking for something in particular

Content

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Incorrect Quotes

For Ships with characters from

Sanders Sides

Cartoon Therapy

Thomas's Shorts

List of ships sorted by character (will be updated as more gets added to this blog)

Ships involving Character Thomas

Thomas/Nico - Karrot Kings

Thomas/Janus -Thomceit

Thomas/Patton -Patmas

Thomas/Virgil -Thomxiety

Thomas/Remus -Intrumas

Thomas/Roman -Romthom

Thomas/Logan -Lomas

Thomas/Remy -Thomsleep

Thomas/Emile -Thomile

Thomas/Roman/Janus -Roceitmas

Thomas/Roman/Patton -Royalimas

Thomas/Roman/Logan -Logincemas

Thomas/Roman/Remus -Roceitmas

Thomas/Roman/Virgil -Prinxiemas

Thomas/Virgil/Patton -Moxiemas

Thomas/Virgil/Logan -Analomas

Thomas/Virgil/Remus -Dukexiemas

Thomas/Virgil/Janus -Anxceitmas

Thomas/Janus/Patton -Moceitmas

Thomas/Janus/Remus -Thomceitmus

Thomas/Janus/Logan -Loceitmas

Thomas/Remus/Logan -Intrulomas

Thomas/Remus/Patton -intruthomality

Thomas/Logan/Patton -Logicalimas

Thomas/Remy/Virgil -Thomsleepxiety

Ships involving Remus

Remus/Thomas -Intrumas

Remus/Virgil -Dukexiety

Remus/Janus -Dukeceit

Remus/Roman -Remrom

Remus/Patton -Intruality

Remus/Logan -Intrulogical

Remus/Remy - intrusleep

Remus/Janus/Thomas -Thomceitmus

Remus/Janus/Roman -Remroceit

Remus/Janus/Logan -Intruloceit

Remus/Janus/Patton -Intrumoceit

Remus/Janus/Virgil -Anxceitmus

Remus/Virgil/Roman -Intruprinxiety

Remus/Virgil/Thomas -Dukexiemas

Remus/Virgil/Patton -Intrumoxiety

Remus/Virgil/Logan -Intruloxiety

Remus/Thomas/Roman -Remromas

Remus/Thomas/Patton -intruthomality

Remus/Thomas/Logan -Intrulomas

Remus/Logan/Pattton -Intrugicality

Remus/Logan/Roman -Intrulogince

Remus/Patton/Roman -Intruroyality

Ships involving Roman

Roman/Logan -Logince

Roman/Virgil -Prinxiety

Roman/Thomas -Romthom

Roman/Janus -Roceit

Roman/Patton -Royality

Roman/Remus -Remrom

Roman/Thomas/Janus -Roceitmas

Roman/Thomas/Remus -Royalimas

Roman/Thomas/Logan -Logincemas

Roman/Thomas/Patton -Royalimas

Roman/Thomas/Virgil -Prinxiemas

Roman/Virgil/Patton -Anaroyality

Roman/Virgil/Logan -Analogince

Roman/Virgil/Remus -Intruprinxiety

Roman/Virgil/Janus -Anaroceit

Roman/Logan/Patton -Royalogicality

Roman/Logan/Janus -Roloceit

Roman/Logan/Remus -Intrulogince

Roman/Remus/Janus -Remroceit

Roman/Patton/Janus -Royaliceit

Roman/Patton/Remus -Intruroyality

Roman/Patton/Thomas -Royalimas

Ships involving Patton

Patton/Logan -Logicality

Patton/Roman -Royality

Patton/Virgil -Moxiety

Patton/Thomas -Patmas

Patton/Remus- Intruality

Patton/Janus -Moceit

Patton/Logan/Roman -Royalogicality

Patton/Logan/Janus -Lomoceit

Patton/Logan/Virgil -Analogicality

Patton/Logan/Thomas -Logicalimas

Patton/Logan/Remus -Intrugicality

Patton/Logan/Janus -Lomoceit

Patton/Virgil/Roman -Anaroyality

Patton/Virgil/Thomas -Moxiemas

Patton/Virgil/Janus -Anamoceit

Patton/Virgil/Remus -Intrumoxiety

Patton/Janus/Roman -Royaliceit

Patton/Janus/Remus -Intrumoceit

Patton/Janus/Thomas -Moceitmas

Patton/Remus/Roman -Intruroyality

Patton/Remus/Thomas -intruthomality

Patton/Roman/Thomas -Royalimas

Ships involving Logan

Logan/Virgil -Analogical

Logan/Remus -Intrulogical

Logan/Janus -Loceit

Logan/Roman -Logince

Logan/Patton -Logicality

Logan/Thomas -Lomas

Logan/Patton/Janus -Lomoceit

Logan/Patton/Thomas -Logicalimas

Logan/Patton/Roman -Royalogicality

Logan/Patton/Virgil -Analogicality

Logan/Patton/Remus -Intrugicality

Logan/Thomas/Janus -Loceitmas

Logan/Thomas/Remus -Intrulomas

Logan/Thomas/Virgil -Analomas

Logan/Thomas/Roman -Logincemas

Logan/Roman/Janus -Roloceit

Logan/Roman/Remus -Intrulogince

Logan/Roman/Virgil -Analogince

Logan/Janus/Remus -Intruloceit

Logan/Janus/Virgil -Analoceit

Logan/Virgil/Remus -Intruloxiety

Ships involving Virgil

Virgil/Roman -Prinxiety

Virgil/Logan -Analogical

Virgil/Remus -Dukexiety

Virgil/Janus -Anxceit

Virgil/Patton -Moxiety

Virgil/Thomas -Thomxiety

Virgil/Remy

Virgil/Remus/Janus -Anxceitmus

Virgil/Remus/Roman -Intruprinxiety

Virgil/Remus/Logan -Intruloxiety

Virgil/Remus/Patton -Intrumoxiety

Virgil/Remus/Thomas -Dukexiemas

Virgil/Patton/Janus -Anamoceit

Virgil/Patton/Roman -Anaroyality

Virgil/Patton/Logan -Analogicality

Virgil/Patton/Thomas -Moxiemas

Virgil/Patton/Logan -Analogicality

Virgil/Janus/Roman -Anaroceit

Virgil/Janus/Thomas -Anxceitmas

Virgil/Janus/Logan -Analoceit

Virgil/Thomas/Roman -Prinxiemas

Virgil/Thomas/Logan -Analomas

Virgil/Logan/Roman -Analogince

Virgil/Remy/Thomas -Thomsleepxiety

Ships involving Janus

Janus/Roman -Roceit

Janus/Remus -Dukeceit

Janus/Logan -Loceit

Janus/Virgil -Anxceit

Janus/Patton -Moceit

Janus/Thomas -Thomceit

Janus/Patton/Logan -Lomoceit

Janus/Patton/Remus -Intrumoceit

Janus/Patton/Thomas -Moceitmas

Janus/Patton/Roman -Royaliceit

Janus/Patton/Virgil -Anamoceit

Janus/Logan/Thomas -Loceitmas

Janus/Logan/Roman -Roloceit

Janus/Logan/Virgil -Analoceit

Janus/Logan/Remus -Intruloceit

Janus/Remus/Thomas -Thomceitmus

Janus/Remus/Virgil -Anxceitmus

Jannus/Logan/Roman -Roloceit

Janus/Thomas/Virgil -Anxceitmas

Janus/Thomas/Roman -Roceitmas

Janus/Virgil/Roman -Anaroceit

Janus/Roman/Remus -Remroceit

Ship involving Orange

Ships involving Remy

Remy/Thomas -Thomsleep

Remy/Emile

Remy/Virgil

Remy/Otto -Remo

Remy/Remus - intrusleep

Remy/Virgil/Thomas -Thomsleepxiety

Ships involving Emile

Emile/Remy

Emile/Thomas -Thomlie

Ships involving Otto

Otto/Remy -Remo

also huge thanks to @thomas-sanders-shipname-glossary this would have taken so much more time without their blog!

[anothertssincorrectquotesblog]

Roman: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Janus: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. Well, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!

Roman: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING VIRGIL WITH ME!

Patton, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

[halfhissandwich]

I NEED MORE ROMAN×JANUS×PATTON IN MY LIFE

I’ll be honest I just really wanted to try to draw Lilypadton, but also Janus and Roman loving Lilypadton :)

[thomas-sanders-shipname-glossary]

Sanders Sides OT3 Names

Glossary Masterpost

A list of the shipnames of Sanders Sides pairings that include three people! Orange is included with temporary shipnames until we know more about him, as has been voted in this poll! Ordered by however it made sense to me.

Many of these I have come up with as I haven't found any already existing ones. If you have any additions, please feel free to send an ask, message or submissions!

1) Patton / Roman / Logan - LMP, Logincality, Morolo, Royalogicality, Rologicality

2) Patton / Roman / Virgil - Moxince, Anaroyality, Royalixiety

3) Patton / Roman / Janus - Royaliceit, Romoceit, Moroceit

4) Patton / Roman / Remus - Intruroyality, Remropat, Remromality, Royalismus

5) Patton / Roman / Thomas - Royalimas, Thomaton

6) Patton / Roman / Nico - Moroco, Patcoman, Royalico

7) Patton / Roman / King - Royaliking

8) Patton / Roman / Orange - Royaliange, Mororange

9) Patton / Logan / Virgil - Analogicality

10) Patton / Logan / Janus - Lomoceit, Logimoceit, Loceitality, Logicaliceit, Moloceit

11) Patton / Logan / Remus - Intrugicality, Intrulogicality

12) Patton / Logan / Thomas - Logicalimas

13) Patton / Logan / Nico - Logicalico, Patloco, Moloco

14) Patton / Logan / King - Logicaliking

15) Patton / Logan / Orange - Logicalirange, Molorange

16) Patton / Virgil / Janus - Moxceit, Anamoceit

17) Patton / Virgil / Remus - Intrumoxiety, Modukexiety, Moxiemus, Anamoduke, Anaintruality

18) Patton / Virgil / Thomas - Moxiemas, Thvipat

19) Patton / Virgil / Nico - Moxieco

20) Patton / Virgil / King - Moxieking, Kingmoxiety

21) Patton / Virgil / Orange - Moxierange, Anamorange

22) Patton / Janus / Remus - Deintruality, Intrumoceit, Modukeceit, Moceitmus

23) Patton / Janus / Thomas - Moceitmas

24) Patton / Janus / Nico - Moceitco, Nimoceit

25) Patton / Janus / King - Moceitking

26) Patton / Janus / Orange - Moranceit

27) Patton / Remus / Thomas - Intrualimas

28) Patton / Remus / Nico - Intrualico

29) Patton / Remus / King - Intrualiking

30) Patton / Remus / Orange - Intrualirange

31) Patton / Thomas / Nico - Thomoco, Thompatco

32) Patton / Thomas / King - Thomaliking, Thompatking

33) Patton / Thomas / Orange - Patmasange, Thomalirange

34) Patton / Nico / King - Patcoking

35) Patton / Nico / Orange - Patcorange, Monirange

36) Patton / King / Orange - Mokingange

37) Roman / Logan / Virgil - Analogince

38) Roman / Logan / Janus - Roloceit, Loroceit, Loginceit

39) Roman / Logan / Remus - Intrulogince, Remrolo

40) Roman / Logan / Thomas - Logincemas

41) Roman / Logan / Nico - Roloco

42) Roman / Logan / King - Roloking

43) Roman / Logan / Orange - Logincange, Rolorange

44) Roman / Virgil / Janus - Anaroceit, Prinxieceit, Prinxceit, Viroceit

45) Roman / Virgil / Remus - Intruprinxiety, Remroxiety, Prinxiemus

46) Roman / Virgil / Thomas - Prinxiemas

47) Roman / Virgil / Nico - Prinxieco, Rovico

48) Roman / Virgil / King - Prinxieking

49) Roman / Virgil / Orange - Prinxieange, Anarorange

50) Roman / Janus / Remus - Remroceit, Remromceit, Roceitmus

51) Roman / Janus / Thomas - Roceitmas

52) Roman / Janus / Nico - Roceitco, Janicoman

53) Roman / Janus / King - Roceitking, Kingroceit

54) Roman / Janus / Orange - Rorangeceit

55) Roman / Remus / Thomas - Remromas, Reromas

56) Roman / Remus / Nico - Romroco

57) Roman / Remus / King - Royal Thruple, Remromking

58) Roman / Remus / Orange - Remromrange, Remrorange

59) Roman / Thomas / Nico - Rocomas, Ronimas

60) Roman / Thomas / King - Kingromas

61) Roman / Thomas / Orange - Romthomange

62) Roman / Nico / King - Rocoking, Kingcoman

63) Roman / Nico / Orange - Rocorange, Nirorange

64) Roman / King / Orange - Rokingange, Rorangeking

65) Logan / Virgil / Janus - Analoceit

66) Logan / Virgil / Remus - Analomus, Intruanalogical, Intruloxiety, Anaintrulogical

67) Logan / Virgil / Thomas - Analomas

68) Logan / Virgil / Nico - Analoco

69) Logan / Virgil / King - Analoking

70) Logan / Virgil / Orange - Analorange

71) Logan / Janus / Remus - Intruloceit, Logceitmus, Loceitmus

72) Logan / Janus / Thomas - Loceitmas

73) Logan / Janus / Nico - Loceitco

74) Logan / Janus / King - Lokingceit

75) Logan / Janus / Orange - Lorangeceit

76) Logan / Remus / Thomas - Intrulomas

77) Logan / Remus / Nico - Intruloco

78) Logan / Remus / King - Intruloking

79) Logan / Remus / Orange - Intrulorange

80) Logan / Thomas / Nico - Lomasco, Locomas

81) Logan / Thomas / King - Lokingmas

82) Logan / Thomas / Orange - Lomasange, Thorangical

83) Logan / Nico / King - Locoking

84) Logan / Nico / Orange - Locorange, Nilorange

85) Logan / King / Orange - Lokingange, Kinglorange

86) Virgil / Janus / Remus - Intruanxceit, Anxceitmus, Dukexieceit

87) Virgil / Janus / Thomas - Thviceit, Anxceitmas

88) Virgil / Janus / Nico - Anxceitco

89) Virgil / Janus / King - Anxceitking

90) Virgil / Janus / Orange - Anxceitange, Anaoranceit

91) Virgil / Remus / Thomas - Thvimus, Dukexiemas

92) Virgil / Remus / Nico - Dukexieco, Anadukeco

93) Virgil / Remus / King - Dukexieking

94) Virgil / Remus / Orange - Dukexieange, Anadukerange

95) Virgil / Thomas / Nico - Thvico

96) Virgil / Thomas / King - Thviking

97) Virgil / Thomas / Orange - Thvirange, Thomxieange

98) Virgil / Nico / King - Vicoking, Vikingco

99) Virgil / Nico / Orange - Vicorange, Nivirange

100) Virgil / King / Orange - Vikingange, Kingxieange

101) Janus / Remus / Thomas - Thomceitmus, Intruceitmas

102) Janus / Remus / Nico - Dukeceitco

103) Janus / Remus / King - Dukeceitking

104) Janus / Remus / Orange - Dukeceitange, Demusange, Deoramus

105) Janus / Thomas / Nico - Thomceitco

106) Janus / Thomas / King - Kingceitmas

107) Janus / Thomas / Orange - Thomceitange

108) Janus / Nico / King - Janicoking, Kingceitco

109) Janus / Nico / Orange - Janicorange, Derangeco

110) Janus / King / Orange - Kingceitange

111) Remus / Thomas / Nico - Inturmasco

112) Remus / Thomas / King - Intrumasking

113) Remus / Thomas / Orange - Intrumasange

114) Remus / Nico / King - Intrucoking, Dukecoking

115) Remus / Nico / Orange - Remcorange, Remnicorange

116) Remus / King / Orange - Intrukingange

117) Thomas / Nico / King - Kingthomco

118) Thomas / Nico / Orange - True Karrots, Thorangeco

119) Thomas / King / Orange - Kingmasange

120) Nico / King / Orange - Kingcorange, Nikiorange

[goodieghosty]

Can I request Roman, Janus, and Patton with D2 please?

And then Patton stood there for 30 minutes in gay panic

[fangirlwriting-stories]

One Chance To Make A First Impression

Summary: Roman and Janus have an unusual soulmate situation, in that they are soulmates with each other, and another person besides themselves.  Having multiple soulmates isn’t looked on too highly, but that doesn’t stop them from being excited to meet their third soulmate.

Unfortunately, the day they end up doing that, Roman had been having a terrible time, and, well.  You know what they say about first impressions.

Chapter 1/6:

...

Having two soulmates was not generally approved of, as Roman had learned young.  Many people had given him disgusted looks based on the two sentences on his wrist.  And they were two sentences.  They weren’t different enough that there was any doubt about that, no matter what his mother wanted to say about it.

One of the sentences he now knew belonged to Janus, and Roman still laughed at how perfectly it fit him.  Roman had stumbled into him in the hallway in ninth grade, they had nearly tripped over each other, and then Janus had caught him, before saying smoothly “Well, don’t fall for me all at once.”

Roman was still rather impressed with his own response, given the fact that he was suddenly processing meeting his soulmate: “Why complain, when you catch me so easily?”

The two sentences made a lovely pair, and they often enjoyed showing them off to people they felt safe with.

Unfortunately, it tended to stop with people they felt safe with, because not many people approved of the other sentence on their wrists.  Janus’ said “Whoops, didn’t see you there, I’m running late,” which, while not promising for the amount of time they’d have when meeting their next soulmate, wasn’t anything like Roman’s.  Roman’s concerned both of them.

“I’m sorry.”

“Maybe they just bump into you,” Remus, Roman’s twin brother, suggested.  “Like, bump, ‘whoops, didn’t see you there, I’m running late, I’m sorry,’ and then rushes by both of you and you have to grab them and figure out where to meet up after whatever they’re doing.”

“Maybe,” Roman said, looking worriedly down at his wrist.  “I just… there’s a billion other possibilities.”

“That’s the point,” Remus said.  “There’s too many possibilities for you to know why they’re saying that.  You shouldn’t stress over it.  People say I’m sorry all the time, about totally stupid stuff.  I said sorry to a chair when I knocked it over yesterday before I realized it wasn’t alive.  This is probably just totally casual, automatic pleasantry shit that comes when you annoy a stranger.  Stop stressing about it.”

Roman sighed.  “Yeah, you’re right.  Besides, I can’t spend my entire life worried about what’s going to happen when I meet my other soulmate.  For one thing, it’d probably really piss this one off,” Roman said, leaning back against Janus’ chest, who was sitting behind him on the bed.

“Yes, I’m just furious,” Janus said, resting his head on top of Roman’s.  “How dare you imply that I’m not enough for you by constantly worrying about someone you haven’t met yet.  In fact, I’ve decided that we’re breaking up, you’re clearly not committed enough to this relationship.”

“No, don’t leave me, you still have all of my sweatshirts,” Roman deadpanned.

“Naturally, they’re big on me and I look adorable in them.”

“You do,” Roman cooed, turning over and kissing Janus on his nose, then his cheeks, then his forehead.

“Hey, I’m right here,” Remus said, glaring at both of them.

Roman tried to ignore the slight something else under his gaze by sticking his tongue out and snuggling into Janus’ arms again.

Janus worried about their soulmate’s first words to Roman too, though he didn’t admit it to Remus.  The two of them had a chaos element going, and according to Janus, he wasn’t going to risk that by being emotionally vulnerable.

But when they were alone, and especially when one of them was staying over and they ended up snuggling under covers together, Janus would whisper quietly to Roman, “They’re okay, right?”

“I’m sure they’re fine,” Roman said, because when Janus got like this, what he really wanted was for Roman to comfort him while neither of them acknowledged that their worst fears might be true.  Sometimes Roman would add on further, “And if they’re not, we’ll be there for them.”

Janus would agree, and then they’d both snuggle closer to hold each other.  It would always make them feel better in the moment, but they both knew that it would never get rid of the worries there completely.  Nothing would, until they met the third of their soulmate group and finally got to be happy together.

They went through the rest of high school without any meetings, though, and eventually they started looking at colleges together.  Remus was a part of that, because though he may not be either of their soulmates in any way, he was still a part of their group, and a large part of Roman thought that college without his twin would be just awful.  He also hadn’t met his soulmate Thomas yet, so he had nothing tying him to anything else.

And thankfully, they all found a place to go together, and Roman could rest easy on that particular point.

College was… interesting.  It was full of much more open minded people than anyone in the small town Roman and Remus, and later Janus, had grown up in.  But there were still a fair share of people who gave them looks once they learned that Roman and Janus had another soulmate.  The people here didn’t say anything directly to them, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t tell.

As a result, the three of them ended up keeping more to themselves than Roman would have expected when they first got there.  They had gotten closer to someone named Remy, who Remus had met and clicked with to the despair of both Janus and Roman.  But other than him, they mostly tried to keep to themselves, which meant that when Roman did end up talking to people, it usually didn’t go well.

On this day in particular it had been going worse than usual.  He began the day with a lovely text from his mother about tattoo parlors that could cover unwanted soulmarks, because no matter how many times Roman explained to her that he wanted both of his soulmates, she didn’t seem to get the picture.

He would have loved to curl up back in bed after that, but he had an early class, so he had to get up at that point and leave Janus curled up under the covers to sleep for another two hours like the lucky asshole he was.

When he eventually made it to the lecture hall, there were people from the church nearby standing outside and holding signs about staying with your soulmate being what was best for you; as well as listing people who dated other people, people who dated no one, and people with multiple soulmates all as examples of who was going to hell.  Roman ducked his head and went into the building as quickly as possible, though thankfully none of them were directing any shouting at him specifically.

The day still didn’t improve from there, though.  The story they’d read in preparation for that class had been about soulmates, meaning throughout the class the person they were going to end up with was mentioned several times, which wouldn’t normally have bothered Roman as much as it did, but he was already on edge from the text from his mother and the people outside, so he spent most of the class with his head propped up on his fist while glaring at the wall.

At least after class he could meet up with Janus and get coffee.  Janus often waited outside the classroom with it on days that it wasn’t Roman’s turn to pay, meaning he was there today, which was good because Roman desperately needed him to be.

He pulled them both towards the back way out of the building, but before they got there, as soon as they were alone in a hallway, he turned and buried his chest in Janus’ shirt.

“Bad day?” Janus said, running his hands through Roman’s hair.

Roman mumbled something that was incomprehensible even to him.

“I have coffee,” Janus said, slipping a cup into Roman’s hand.

“You’re an angel,” Roman said, standing up in order to be able to take a sip of it.  “Have I ever told you that you’re an angel?”

“Only every time you get sappy,” Janus said, taking Roman’s hand as they both started towards the exit again.  “Which for you is a near constant.”

“Mm, well it’s true,” Roman said, pushing the door open.

Unfortunately, that was when he realized that the people from earlier must have followed a crowd and moved around to the other side of the building.

Roman groaned and buried his head in his hands.

“Oh, is this what we were trying to avoid?” Janus said, giving Roman a sympathetic pat on the back.  “Alright, come on then.”  He led them both around the group as quickly as they could manage, and they started towards Roman’s favorite haunt, over by a small pond with a gazebo that they liked to eat lunch in.

Roman still felt pretty tense as the voices behind them started to slowly fade, but Janus was helping, and he couldn’t help but wonder for a second how much easier things would be if it was just the two of them.  He loved Janus, and the two of them were perfectly happy just like this.  Would they have been happier if their third soulmate had never been theirs at all?

Roman sighed and took Janus’ hand again as they kept moving forward.  Janus turned to look at him in concern when he sighed, but Roman kept looking ahead of them both just in time to see someone ram into Janus while carrying an armful of books.

Both Janus and the other person cried out in surprise, and Janus dropped his coffee, which splattered all over the ground below them.

“Whoops, didn’t see you there, I’m running late,” the person said, dropping to grab the books that had fallen before they got covered with coffee.

Roman realized that those were the other set of words on Janus’ wrist just as the person stood back up, and without thinking, he snapped, “We would have been fine without you.”

The person blinked.

“Roman!” Janus exclaimed, turning to glare at him.  “What in the world is wrong with you?  Please don’t mind him, he—” Janus stopped when he turned back to the other person.

Roman turned back to look at them, and a pit dropped into his stomach.

The person’s eyes had welled up with tears, and he’d started shaking all over.  “I’m sorry,” he whispered, and Roman’s eyes widened as he realized that for this person, what he’d just said wouldn’t have only been a thoughtless comment that he didn’t really mean.

“Wait,” Roman said.  “Wait, please I didn’t—”

Before he could say anything else, though, the other person turned and brushed past them both, starting to walk, then run in the other direction.

“No, wait, please!” Roman cried, turning desperately towards them.  But they were already much too far away to hear them.

Roman was pretty sure he’d started shaking too at this point, and he pressed his hand over his mouth.  “I— I didn’t—”

“Roman,” Janus said, turning and taking Roman by the shoulders.  “Hey, Roman, look at me.”

“I didn’t mean that,” Roman whispered, tears starting to well in his own eyes.  “Janus, I didn’t mean that.”

“I know you didn’t.  I know that.  Roman, look at me, you need to breathe.”

“But I didn’t— and he—and I—”

“I know, Roman,” Janus said, pulling Roman towards him and wrapping him in a hug.  “I know.”

Roman’s own coffee slipped from his hand to join Janus’ on the ground, and he wrapped his arms around Janus and buried his head in his shoulder.

“It’s okay,” Janus murmured.  “It’s going to be okay.  We’ll find him again, we’ll explain, it’ll be okay.”

“That’s not— it’s not that easy,” Roman said, because those were the first words he’d said to that person, which meant that— that for his whole life he’d—

“It’s going to be okay,” Janus said again, and Roman realized what he was doing.  This was their moment to lie to themselves, before they had to acknowledge to what colossal degree Roman had just fucked everything up.  So Roman buried his head in Janus’ shoulder and cried as Janus murmured over and over again that it would be okay.

…

They found the person in the dining hall at lunchtime, which was probably why they were just meeting him now, since they almost never ate lunch here.  The second the person looked up, and as soon as he saw them he started to push his chair back, probably to run again.

“No, please,” Roman said, holding out his hand, and the person stopped, still looking terrified.  “Please, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean what I said.”

The person leaned back, still looking scared, but at least he wasn’t sprinting from the room, which was something.

“I—” Roman didn’t know what to say from there.  It’s not like he could just introduce himself like this was a normal soulmate meeting.

Luckily for them, and thank heavens this was the case, Roman didn’t have to figure out this relationship all alone.

“Are you alright?” Janus said, sitting hesitantly down while pulling the chair back from the table so he wouldn’t be getting any closer to the other person.

“I— uh— I’m sorry, I didn’t—” the person said, looking between them both.

“You don’t need to apologize,” Roman said, holding up his hands when the person looked at him in fear.  “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

The person’s gaze turned a little confused.  “But… you’re… you’re them.  Aren’t you?”

Roman nodded.  “I didn’t… I didn’t mean what I said,” he said.  “I’m so sorry.  I was having a really awful day, and I snapped and said something I didn’t mean.”

The person blinked.  “Something you didn’t…” he blinked again, looking like Roman had just tilted his entire world off axis with two sentences.  He didn’t say anything else for a very long moment.

“I’m… Roman,” Roman said hesitantly.  He gestured to his left.  “This is Janus.”

The person shook his head.  “You… but you said… I thought…”

“I can imagine,” Janus said gently.  “I’m so sorry things ended up this way.  But neither of us hate you.  We’ve been looking forward to meeting you.”

The person shook his head again, tears welling in his eyes.  “No,” he said.  “No, you haven’t.  You said— you—”  He took a shaky breath and pressed his hands over his eyes.

Roman looked over at Janus, lost as to what to do here.

“Okay,” Janus said, and the person looked up again.  “I imagine this is overwhelming.  So how about…”  He grabbed one of Roman’s notebooks that he still had from class, and Roman handed him a pencil too once he realized what he was doing.  Janus scribbled both of their phone numbers down, tore out the paper, and passed them back to the person.

“Whenever you’re ready,” Janus said, as the person hesitantly accepted it.  “It doesn’t… it doesn’t have to be anytime soon,” he gave a shaky smile.  “But please know we really are looking forward to hearing from you.”

With that, he took Roman’s hand, and they both headed out of the cafe, leaving the person alone.

As soon as they made it outside the building, Roman moved to the side and collapsed against the wall.

“Roman,” Janus said instantly.  “Hey.”

“We don’t even know his name,” Roman murmured.

“It’s okay,” Janus said.  “It’ll be okay.  We did everything we could right now.”

Roman buried his head in his hands.

“Stop it,” Janus said, pulling his hands down.  “Stop blaming yourself.”

Roman stared up at him.  “It’s my fault.”

“It’s not— okay, yes, but not to the extent you’re thinking,” Janus said.  “If this was any other situation, you’d have to apologize for saying a shitty thing after a bad day and then move on.”

“But it’s not any other situation,” Roman said.  “It’s this one.”

“Roman, it’s not your fault those words are on his wrist.”

“Yes it is!”

“No, it’s not.  Again, you’re at fault for saying a shitty thing after a bad day, which you apologized for as soon as you possibly could.  You cannot be held responsible for a person’s entire life.  It is not your fault those words are on his wrist.”

Roman shook his head, tears welling in his eyes again.  “We don’t know how he was affected by that.  Janus, it looks like I really hurt him.”

“So we’ll help him,” Janus said, leaning their foreheads together.  “Remember?  What we were totally prepared to do anyway?  It’ll be okay, Roman.  Maybe not immediately, but eventually we’ll be okay.”

“You don’t know that,” Roman whispered.

Janus sighed.  “You’re right, I don’t,” he admitted.  “But you’re not alone in this.  None of us are.  We’re all going to work through it together.”

“If he even wants that,” Roman said.  “If I didn’t ruin our entire chance with him before we even met.”

“You didn’t,” Janus said firmly.  “That’s not possible, Roman.”

“Really, because it looks like that’s what just happened,” Roman said, gesturing behind them.

“You don’t know that, Roman.  You’re jumping to conclusions.  It’s perfectly understandable if he needs some time to process after everything that just happened.  As a matter of fact, I suggest we do the same.”

Roman blinked.  “What?”

“Let’s go home, Roman.  It’s been a very difficult day, and we should go home and rest.”

“Oh,” Roman said weakly.  “Yeah, that… let’s do that.”  He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and looked up at Janus again when he lowered them.  “I’m sorry.  Are you okay?”

“Worry about you right now, darling,” Janus said, leaning over and giving Roman a light kiss on the forehead.  “I’ll be okay.”

Roman pulled Janus into his arms for a second anyway, squeezing him tightly.  “Thank you,” he mumbled.  “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Janus said, squeezing Roman back just as tightly.  “We’re gonna make it through this, alright?”

Roman made a muffled noise of affirmation, and then they both started home.

…

Remus, who didn’t have any classes that day like the lucky fucker he was, was understandably surprised when both of them came back looking like a wreck.  He wasn’t less concerned when he heard what happened, but he did take one more look at them both and announce that they were ordering pizza that night for dinner and eating it and ice cream in front of all the best movies Dreamworks had to offer.

Roman, naturally, immediately started arguing for Disney instead, but he suspected Remus’ real plan was to get them focused on something else, and he’d hand it to him, it worked.

They did end up getting pizza and ice cream and eating their feelings away in front of The Little Mermaid (and then Shrek, because Remus earned it by trying to cheer them up).  Roman managed to mostly get his mind off of their soulmate throughout the course of the evening, at least until Janus suddenly reached for the remote in the middle of the movie, paused it, and passed his phone to Roman.

Roman blinked down at it for a couple seconds before he realized what was on the screen.

 (919) 867-5309: My name’s Patton

(919) 867-5309: I think I might need a little time to process

(919) 867-5309: Saturday?  Do-over?

 Roman took a shaky breath and nodded.  “Saturday,” he said weakly.  “I can do Saturday.”

“Me too,” Janus said, as Remus peered over his shoulder to look at the phone.  “You want to meet at the coffee shop by the library?”

“Yeah,” Roman said.  “Let’s do that.”

Janus nodded and started responding to Patton.

“See, look at that,” Remus said, Roman glanced over at him.  “You guys are fixing things already.  You’re gonna be okay.”

“I don’t think it’s going to be that easy,” Roman said.

“It’s a start,” Remus said.  “You’ve got this.”

“It’s definitely not all going to be easy,” Janus said with a nod.  “But for now we just have to explain what’s happened, and get to know each other just like you and I did.  It’s gonna be okay.”

“Exactly,” Remus said, smiling at Janus.  “It’s all gonna work out.”

Roman snuggled closer to Janus’ side and rested his head on his shoulder.  “I hope you’re right,” he said.

At that point none of them really wanted to think about it more for the rest of the night, so Janus turned the movie back on and all three of them ended up in a cuddle pile in the middle of the couch, doing their best to relax.

It worked alright for that night, but with their new plans to meet on Saturday, Roman found it difficult to focus on much else for the rest of the week.  When Saturday finally approached, he and Janus were both equally a wreck.  Roman spent most of the morning pacing around the house, and Janus spent it cooking an absurd amount of food in the kitchen.

“I’ll be here as soon as you get back,” Remus said, from his spot on the couch between them both.  “We can celebrate, or have a pity party, or some weird hybrid of the two depending on how it goes.”

“Thank you, Remus,” Janus said, giving him a grateful smile that lingered just a second too long, which Roman wasn’t going to comment on.

“Thanks,” Roman agreed, because he didn’t think there was much Remus could do to calm them down completely, but he appreciated how hard he was trying.

They left after lunch, since they’d all planned to meet there at 1:00, and both of them agreed they did not want to make Patton wait.

They got there with plenty of time to spare, which wasn’t great for Roman’s nerves as their decided time approached.

“You don’t think he decided not to come, right?” Roman asked.

Janus shook his head.  “No, I don’t.  He’ll be here.”

“I mean if he did decide not to come that would be totally understandable considering—”

“Roman, I think he’ll be here,” Janus said gently.

Roman took a deep breath, and nodded.  “Yeah,” he said, trying to convince himself more than agreeing.  “I think you’re probably right.”

“Roman, it’s about time you learned that I’m always right,” Janus said, giving him a teasing smirk.

Roman laughed a little.  “I love you,” he said, reaching out and grabbing Janus’ hand.

“I love you too,” Janus said, bringing it up to his mouth and kissing it.

Roman smiled at him, but before he could say anything else, the door finally opened, and the person he now knew as Patton walked in.

Janus picked up on Roman’s look and turned to look too, just in time for two other people that Roman did not recognize to follow Patton in.

They were clearly with Patton, though, because as soon as Patton saw the two of them, he said something quietly to the one in the purple hoodie, and all three of them started over.

“Um.  Hi,” Patton said as he stopped in front of the table.

Roman nodded.  “Hi,” he said quietly.

“I’m glad to see you again,” Janus said, giving Patton his most sincere smile.

The one in the purple hoodie scoffed, but Patton gave him a look before he could say anything.

“I… I am too,” he said, still sounding hesitant.  He looked nervously at the other two people, and the one who had glasses like Patton nodded at him.  Patton nodded again, more to himself, then turned back to face Roman and Janus.

“So, um, I’m Patton,” he said.  He pointed to the person with the purple hoodie, and then the one with the glasses and dress shirt.  “This is Virgil, and Logan.  They’re, uh…”

“We’re his boyfriends,” Virgil snapped, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.  “You don’t have a problem with that, do you?”

…

Chapter Two

[emoprincey]

Fangs and Cutlasses (chapter 3)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | This is chapter 3!

Taglist: @the-duke-of-nuts

The pirate ship never truly slept. Even when the sun had gone down, there were a good number of people patrolling the decks, keeping an eye out for any change in the weather or enemy attacks. Either Remus or Janus would stay up through the night, and Remus always liked to do a last circuit of the ship before he went below deck, to check everyone was in position.

He’d almost completed his circuit when he spotted a lone figure leaning on the railing of the ship.

“Hey,” he said.

Patton looked up in surprise. “Oh, hi.”

“Where’s Ro?” Remus asked. He hadn’t gotten much chance to talk to Patton since he and Roman came aboard.

“He already went to bed. I told him I’d join him in a minute,” Patton said, returning his gaze to the ocean. For a moment, Remus thought he’d finished talking, but then Patton sighed, not turning away from the sea. “I miss the ocean,” he said, distantly. “I grew up right by it, probably spent as much time swimming or sailing as I did on land at one point. I always loved the feeling of being out on the water, being carried and held afloat by the waves. The lakes around the village were nice, but they weren’t the same to sail in. Nothing can come close to being completely surrounded by the ocean.”

Remus hummed in agreement, thinking about the feeling he got when he steered the ship. He always felt so small, a speck in the middle of the vast ocean. It was comforting, in a way. “I never met you in the village,” he said.

Patton shook his head. “You wouldn’t have. I moved there with my family about three years ago. You’d probably already... I mean...”

“Been kicked out?” Remus supplied.

Patton winced. “Yeah, sorry.”

Remus shrugged. “It’s whatever, I don’t really care anymore. I think half the village had been looking for an excuse to get rid of me for years. Sometimes it felt like Roman was the only one there who’d tolerate me, and even then...”

“You want him to stay, don’t you?” Patton said.

“He’s my brother,” Remus said simply, looking out at the waves. “Before I was exiled, I never even spent a day without him. He was always a bit of a stick in the mud about rules, but we were thick as thieves, did everything together. Even when we grew up, we still hung out all the time; we even shared a room. The night I left, I thought about waking him, asking him to come with me. But I couldn’t do that to him. He loved the village. So did I, but he was always so happy there. I don’t know if I didn’t want to make him choose, or if it was because I knew I wouldn’t be able to stand it when he chose the village over me. I wouldn’t have blamed him, but it would’ve hurt.”

“You don’t know he would’ve chosen them over you,” Patton said. “He cares about you a lot.”

“You didn’t even know I existed before you met me, did you?” Remus asked. It wasn’t really a question – he’d seen Patton’s puzzled expression when Roman had introduced his long-lost brother.

“Ro doesn’t like to talk about things that are upsetting him,” Patton said. “And I think he really misses you.”

Remus turned to face Patton properly, and looking into his earnest brown eyes, he could see that Patton honestly believed he was telling the truth.

“Sure, whatever,” Remus said, and he turned to walk below deck.

-----

Remus wasn’t the biggest fan of being woken up in the middle of the night – as, he imagined, most people weren’t. But as the captain of a pirate ship who had enough trouble getting to sleep anyway, it was especially important for him to get a bit of shut-eye and be well rested for his duties in the morning.

So, when he was awoken before the crack of dawn by a frantic rapping on his door, he wasn’t too pleased.

“What d'ya want?” he grumbled from under his blankets.

The door opened just a crack, and Remus' expression softened when he saw Elliot's face peek through. They were one of the younger members of the crew, and Remus had always had a soft spot for the kid. It was hard to be alone at such a young age, so he tried to make sure the crew were as much of a surrogate family to Elliot as they could be.

“Janus needs you,” Elliot said, which immediately dragged Remus into the waking world. “On deck. He said as soon as possible.”

Remus swung his legs out of bed, glad he hadn’t bothered to change out of his day clothes. “I’m on my way.”

-----

The deck was far more crowded than it usually was at night. There would usually be a couple of people patrolling, but it seemed like half the crew was out there, all crowded around some kind of dark blob. When Remus got closer, he realised the blob was actually a cloaked figure crouched on the floor.

“What’s going on?” Remus asked Janus, who was stood in front of the crowd, looking down at the figure.

“A stowaway,” Janus said. “I found him in the hold.”

“I’m not here to hurt any of you,” the stowaway said. His voice was shaky, matching the slight tremble of his limbs that he was clearly trying to hide. Remus couldn’t tell if it was from fear or from the cold night air. “I just needed to get off that island.”

Remus took a step closer to the stowaway, and got a good look at his face. He was pale and gaunt, with shaggy black hair framing his thin face. The stowaway growled defensively, a glint of a fang showing.

At that, Remus held up his hands. “Why?” he asked, though he could take a pretty good guess.

“There were, um...” the stowaway – vampire? – cleared his throat, obviously stalling to think of something to say. “There were people there who want to hurt me,” he eventually said. “I got away from them on the Broken Isle, but they would’ve found me if I stayed there. I took the first way out I could find.”

“These people...” Remus said. “They were vampire hunters?”

The stowaway winced, quickly schooling his face into some semblance of a neutral expression, but that was all the information Remus needed.

“Aw, kiddo!” Patton cooed. “You should’ve just told us you needed somewhere to stay!”

“I’m over four-hundred years old,” the vampire grumbled.

Janus was tapping his chin in thought. “My question is, how did he even get on the ship? We live here, a vampire shouldn’t be able to enter without our permission.”

“Ah, that might've been me,” Patton said, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. “He offered to help me carry some crates so I invited him aboard. I thought he ran off, though.”

“No harm done,” Janus said with a small shrug. That was very un-Janus-like of him, but Remus knew his first mate always had a weakness for men with pretty smiles. “Now, we just have to figure out what to do with him.”

“Aren’t you going to let him stay?” Patton asked.

Remus saw the moment Janus gritted his teeth and dragged his gaze away from Patton’s wide, pleading eyes. Oh, he was down so bad.

“I don’t have a problem with it!” Remus chimed in. “The more the merrier!”

This only seemed to make Janus’ conflicted expression twist even further.

But it was Roman who spoke up next. “But- but he’s a vampire!” He protested, eyeing the crouched man warily. “He growled at you.”

Remus levelled his brother with a look. “I told you, bro. You won’t get far judging people on first impressions.”

Janus was still staring intently at the vampire, his gaze calculating. From under the shadow of his hood, it looked like the vampire was glaring back.

“Fine,” Janus said. “He can stay for now, but we’re dropping him at the next port.”

“I wouldn’t want to stay any longer anyway,” the vampire snapped. He stood to his full height – which, admittedly, wasn’t very tall. With slumped shoulders, and baggy clothes dangling off skinny limbs, he looked more exhausted than threatening. “Now, can I go inside before the sun comes up?”

“Can we at least get your name?” Remus asked.

The vampire stalked past him, cloak swishing in ocean breeze. Remus thought he was going to ignore him, but the vampire stopped just before he got to the staircase. “The name’s Virgil.”

[katelynn-a-fan]

Somewhere Over the Rainbow: Chapter 9

First | Previous | Next | Masterlist | Ao3

Summary: Patton is dealing with some stuff and it's... not going well.

Word count: 3k (2953)

Warnings: Self-deprecation, slight Remus-style imagery

Patton's heart was tearing in two separate halves. Unlike when he found Thomas for the first time on his doorstep, the destruction wasn’t immediate, instead, it was excruciating and painfully drawn out as Patton listened desperately to the sounds coming from Thomas’s room for anything other than the beeping that had started this whole thing.

Not getting any closer to the door despite his attempts, Patton had a sneaking suspicion past the sharp pain in his heart that something was holding his body back. Judging by the fact he had been trying to get back in for a number of minutes by then, it was quite likely.

But even as Patton was aware of it, it didn’t mean that Patton could tear his focus away from that beeping.

He just wanted everything to go right, but everything had just gone oh so wrong.

-

Beep!

Roman jumped in Patton’s tender embrace, as did Patton himself. Unfortunately, that meant that Roman’s head knocked directly into Patton’s chin, but the dull ache of pain barely registered over the warmth that had flooded into Patton during their embrace.

Patton’s eyes turned to Thomas, his hand still flush in his. One of the monitors had to be the cause of the noise, but there were more of them than Patton had an idea of what they did, which made Patton’s mouth run dry. After searching the more unfamiliar machine, the familiar image of the heartbeat monitor caught Patton’s eye.

The beep continued as Patton’s eyes found the monitor and Patton’s blood ran cold. His fingers twitched in the folds of Roman’s dress, his eyes widening as he continued to stare at the monitor.

The heart monitor’s…. not supposed to have a line, it’s supposed to be zig zaggy… right? Surely- ha... surely that’s a mistake. Right?

Under Patton’s embrace, Roman’s body stiffened and began to shake.

“Patton… the… Thomas’s- heart monitor.” Patton’s hands twitched in Roman’s dress yet again. Tears came to his eyes when he slowly shook his head. 

Patton’s arms held Roman back when Roman began to get up. The grip rooted Roman in place, a prison made of Patton’s arms around him.

“Patton, he-” 

Squeezing Roman tight, Patton shook his head again. He purposefully ignored the strangled note of protest from under him, looking everywhere but at the monitor like that would change it.

It wasn’t until the sound of shoes squeaking slightly on the linoleum met Patton that he dared glance at the monitor again to prove it was real. The flat line was unmistakable, no denying it when it was right in front of both of them. Patton’s hand squeezed Thomas’s hand tight.

His mind still warring about what to do, he barely flinched when the door to Thomas’s hospital room burst open. A nurse Patton was not familiar with burst into the room first. The nurse jumped immediately to Thomas’s side.

Patton could swear the nurse said something, but it was virtually indecipherable over the roaring beep that drilled into his ears.

What did get to his muffled brain was the vibrations Roman’s voice made against his chest and through Patton’s ear where he was obliviously resting it on Roman’s head just moments before. 

No.

He couldn’t pay attention to them, Thomas was… he was….

Not on my watch.

Patton finally let go of Roman’s back. His still intertwined fingers in Thomas’s leading him along directly to Thomas’s bedside. Hands trembling, Patton gripped Thomas’s hand tight thoughtlessly babbling to Thomas.

“Come on Thomas wake up. Show them you’re okay. You’ve… got to be okay…”

Clinging to Thomas’s hand like a lifeline, Patton immediately recoiled when a set of hands alighted on him. A thoughtless cry came from his lips as he threw off the hands. He couldn’t leave Thomas. Thomas needed him, Patton was sure of it.

With his hands wrapped around Thomas’s hands, the distinct sensation of Thomas’s wrist growing cold where Patton ran his fingers over it slowly grew.

“No, no, no, no!”

Another set of stronger hands grabbed him, and this time they were too strong, A different set of hands ripped Thomas’s hand out of Patton’s grip, judging by the other set still gripping him. The cry before was nothing compared to the unholy shriek that came from his mouth as he was pulled from the room. 

But still, all Patton could focus on was Thomas. How Thomas was getting further away., how Thomas needed him.

He couldn’t budge the arms around him, though, no matter how much he squirmed and writhed and protested. The arms didn’t let go.

Quickly, the desperation of getting back into the room clouded Patton’s mind, his eyes nearly glazed over as the only thing Patton could think about was Thomas and how he….

How he...

No, he’s not dying! He’s not dying! I won't allow it.

-

Why? Why is everything just going wrong? Can I do anything right?

The pain in Patton’s heart still remained, even growing stronger the more Patton resisted against them and could’t get into the room. 

“Stop- you- please-”

Patton caught only small snatches of what was being said… or maybe shouted at him. But he couldn’t just stop when the ache in his chest demanded he continue. By now, he wasn’t going for anything painful, he didn’t want to cause anyone else unnecessary pain, but the pain in his own heart nearly had him doing it.

Opening his mouth after a particularly painful wave of heartbreak, Patton let out a heartbroken wail. He strangely wasn’t able to hear himself much, his own cry muffled.

After a few moments, the sounds of footsteps approaching distantly filtered into his awareness. The sound was nothing Patton turned to look at, so it was nothing. 

A set of two voices joined the footsteps, one of them maybe calling out Patton’s name, but that didn’t matter. 

It didn’t matter when another set of arms pressed on his shoulders, not the squeeze, not the words and the set of eyes in front of him that were oddly familiar.

What did finally get Patton’s attention was how the set of eyes turned to the room and actually ran into the room. Patton trusted those eyes. Those eyes would take care of Thomas. They would… take care of… Thomas.

Patton’s struggling stuttered as those eyes ran into the room, the concept that the eyes he trusted were going into the room to help Thomas finally snapped him out of his frenzied stupor.

It was then that all the sound finally cut back in and a voice that was most definitely Roman’s slammed into his ears, making him cringe. The voice was right in his ear and it was overwhelming when the sound came all at once. Roman had been the one holding him, that made sense to Patton as the memories that had never truly left settled back into Patton’s awareness.

After fighting off Roman for so long, Patton’s mind began to finally wind down enough to let his body start to slow down in it’s fighting. Patton’s vision slowly expanded from the ever tightening tunnel that he wasn’t even acutely aware of until it was expanding again.

Blinking heavily, Patton rose his hands slowly to come up to grasp Roman’s arm. At the actions, Roman’s arms squeezed around Patton a little tighter, as if Patton was about to try to dart into the room again. 

“Ro-” Patton coughed, his throat suddenly full of shooting pain like he had slowed a set of razor blades. “Roman… I’m… okay now.”

Patton’s world blurring, he was abruptly facing Roman as Roman’s hands had directed him. Another round of heavy blinks ensued as Patton recovered from the move. When his vision did coalesce, Roman’s face was then only inches from his own. He leaned back a little with his lips parting slightly open, but the movement wasn't’ enough to unbalance either of them.

“Woah, hey, don’t try to speak too much. I don’t know if you were aware of what you were doing, but you were screaming your lungs out for a long while there.” Hands gently squeezing Patton shoulder’s, Roman’s face was neutral except for the crease in his brow and the utter concern reflected in his eyes as they made eye contact with one another.

The outside of his neck area hurting less than the inside of his throat, he nodded stiffly. He parted his lips to start to whisper, but a passing thought hit him.

Isn’t whispering worse than talking for your voice when it’s almost gone? I think I heard that somewhere? I better not speak then…

Roman continued on anyways, changing their embrace into a proper hug. Guiding Patton’s face into his shoulder somewhat uncomfortably, Roman’s voice turned soothing

“It’s alright. It’s going to be alright. Remus is in there now, and he’ll help patch up Thomas good okay?” Roman squeezed Patton gently.

Staring at the wall behind Roman, Patton took a moment to process that.

Remus was in Thomas’s room now according to Roman. When had he gotten in there? He-

The eyes. It was his eyes. That’s why I thought Thomas was in good hands. That- Remus would take care of Thomas. I’m so glad Remus was here… I… don’t know what would’ve 

Tears were falling from his cheeks before Patton was aware he was beginning to shake with silent sobs that shook both of them.

God… oh god please let Thomas be okay. He has to be okay, please! 

His legs were slowly crumpling underneath him as his cries raged on. Roman’s arms gently helped him safely to the floor, his knees barely insulated on the cold hard linoleum by his pajama pants. All the while, Patton desperately clung to Roman as if the moment he let go, Roman would disappear. It was a stupid fear, but Patton couldn’t argue with his feelings much right now, so he let himself hang on Roman instead.

Now that his blind panic had subsided, the pain in his chest was much more noticeable, but much less painful than before. 

Right, then, Roman’s hands twitched on his back much like his had not moments earlier. 

Against his better impulse, Patton drew back from Roman to search his eyes.

“Roman what-?”

At the same moment Patton watched Roman’s eyes train on something behind him and flicker to him, a familiar voice grumbled behind him.

“Fucking...bitch...hours…ullshit…”

Remus’s voice, it was Remus’s voice…

A new set of tears blooming in his eyes, Patton immediately scrambled up to his feet and turned around as Roman began to say something. But if he finished the sentence, Patton had no clue as his focus once again zeroed in on the door to Thomas’s room. There indeed was Remus standing in the doorway, looking nearly as bad as he was when Patton first saw him when he collapsed in the hospital lobby. He wasn’t in the room, helping them revive Thomas. He wasn’t…

Patton’s eyes widened as it hit him, the downcast expression on Remus’s face, that fact he, a nurse, wasn’t needed in a time of crisis…

A cry to rival the one he barely remembered making just before Remus bolted into the room was ripped from his lips as his knees began to buckle once more. His only saving grace was when Remus rushed forward and caught halfway to the ground.

Remus’s arms struggled only for a moment as he clung onto Patton, his words only audible because they were suddenly so close to his ear. 

“Patton? It’s okay, or it’ll be okay! Wait… do you…? Hey, hey!” Remus’s words sped up as he gently cupped Patton’s cheek with one hand, forcing Patton to look into Remus’s eyes.

“Patton, please calm down. Do you think I’m not there because-” Remus visibly gulped as he took a step towards the wall Roman had brought him close, his hand still gently skirting across Patton’s face. “Patton listen to me. I’m not in there because it’s literally illegal for me to work any more until my next shift unless there’s a large emergency or something. They’re still trying to figure it out, but Thomas is going to be okay, I promise. If I can help it, this boy is going to live until he’s our age. You hear me Patton? Please… Please calm down…”

The world came to a stand still as Remus’s words bounced his skull. What had been a reality and a devastating one at that now became a distant possibility down the line. Thomas wasn’t dead.

He isn’t dead.

Even with the devastation slowly ebbing away, Patton’s legs still failed him, bringing him helplessly to the ground once again. This time, though, Remus didn’t let him sit there while he sobbed. 

Suddenly, he was being swept up into the air by a set of strong arms that belonged to Remus. The gesture gave Patton’s stomach a butterfly feeling, and Patton’s eyes lingered a little longer than they should’ve on the rippling of the muscles as they subtly shifted him as Remus carried him down the hallway a little.

Wrapping his arms tightly around Remus’s neck, Patton pressed his face to Remus’s shoulder. Through Remus's shoulder, Remus’s voice traveled muffled through it into his ear much like it had with Roman whether Patton wanted it to or not. There was a fleeting moment of clarity in Patton’s fluttering eyes before his eyes went glassy all over again. 

Eyes quickly drifting closed, Patton held onto Remus for dear life. Hands came up to lightly grab him and pull him down and away from Remus, but they didn’t understand. He had to hold onto Remus. Remus was safe, and he couldn’t let go.

Remus would make things okay. He just had to keep holding onto Remus and everything would work out.

It didn’t matter that Patton was hardly aware of the sensation in his body, a sense of heaviness and utter numbness overcome his limbs. All that mattered was Patton’s heart was dragging everything down and Remus was holding Patton up from following it. 

Words were being spoken around him, but like when Patton had been trying to get back into Thomas’s room, they held little meaning.

The only thing Patton was concerned about were two things, Thomas and holding onto Remus. If something else was happening, it didn’t matter. 

Time held no meaning to Patton as he held tightly to him, it could’ve been seconds or hours as Patton refused to let go. Every time a set of hands grabbed at his back, he immediately bucked them off, clinging tighter to the one person who could fix this. 

As long as he was holding onto Remus, he would be okay. He couldn’t let go. 

No.

No!

He couldn’t just let Remus go!

It took awhile for the hands to stop pulling on him and instead softly cradle him. Not that he gained anything from being held. But it did… feel good in some distant way.

His body was still there, but his senses had completely numbed to the point where the outside world was still more than an afterthought to him now.

He’s dead. Thomas is dead. Why is this happening? He has to be dead. Why else would everything be so upside down and turned around?

If not for the numbness, Patton would have surely begun to sob at that thought, but instead, he simply sat there, barely aware of his face still pressed into Remus’s nurse uniform. Slowly, he began to run his fingers across Remus’s uniform, a steady hum passing through his body like Remus was speaking.

It was… nice….

Oh… Remus was speaking a lot, like… a lot.

Now he was shaking, was… was he shaking, or was he shaking Patton? 

Oh… 

A low voice hit Patton’s ears from nearby, the feeling of the low sound registering rather than the full sound of the words spoken. It was no one he had met, it was someone else?

A stranger? No, no! Patton trembled, curling tighter into Remus.

No, go away. No strangers, I just need Remus and my partners. No no no no no.

“-tton!”

Jumping in Remus arms, Patton clung tightly to Remus as sound forcely came back proper into Patton’s ears. Patton’s hand came up to cover his ears, but Remus’s familiar hands gently caught his hands.

“No, Patton. There is someone, multiple someones, actually, that need to speak with you right now. I’m sorry for distressing you if I have or whatever happened, but you need to be here for this.”

A frown teased Patton’s lips, his eyes lifting up to Remus’s wide, soft eyes..

Someone else? Stranger? No, no strangers! Strangers don’t matter right now! Thomas is- Thomas-

Shaking his head Patton attempted to press his head back into Remus’s chest. Brand new tears sprung to his eyes, but as Remus placed his arms so that Patton was lightly pressing into his arms, causing the new tears to fall down Patton’s cheeks instead of soaking into the front of Remus’s uniform.

“N- no…” Patton’s voice grated out, barely above a whisper. However, that was all Patton apparently had to do to get Remus to smile.

Why? Why is he smiling? There’s nothing to smile about- I-

A sob bubbled in Patton’s chest, his body convulsing as he prepared to let it out. Before that could happen, Remus cupped Patton’s face directly, making eye contact with Patton for a moment before turning Patton 90 degrees to his right.

Eyes training downwards immediately, it took a few moments longer than it should have to take in the pair of black boots standing only a few feet away that most definitely did not belong to any of his partners.