#robo dyke

[spectralzest]

hey guys I'm subjecting you to my old call sketches since no one saw and and also alien Romulus hype. Annalee call you will always be famous

[eastberlin]

I love my cats so much but taking care of two elderly cats (technically three but the third is still in good health, knock on wood) is so fucking stressful.

[saphic-with-t]

🤨⁉️����️‍🌈

Gay

[powerade]

hey um so you didnt design that pink robo ky so dont go taking the design for yourself and say that its "literally you" bc you did not make that

No that's me from real life. Tch.

Ok but uhm I'll answer this cuz it seems like a genuine misunderstanding. I'm going to assume you've seen the devilbunzz art? Hi. That's me. I'm the robo-ky. It's literally brown haired cuz I was joking abt refusing to be blonde. I did the dyke belt first. The horns are from my dragon nature.

[straightyuri]

Nonbinery transfem do you want a robo dyke

[gramarye]

answering asks because i forgot to and felt too awkward to do so you know how it is.

honestly its the other way around... she loves sitting in them but also chewing them up (shes allowed lol she spits the pieces out, its fine by me bc i can just vacuum it up and she can get her Beast Tearing Maiming Killing Instincts taken out on something that i was gonna throw out anyway) so like. at some point i just give up and throw away a box that she has done too much damage on even though she would love to keep it forever. but i always have new packages coming every few months if only for koshka's food and litter orders so there is always a supply.. she is never boxless

i wanted a koshka box pic to attach here, like a new one but she hasnt sat in one while ive had a camera out in a while. heres other recent koshkys though. so tired.

omg idk if theres any that make me cringe.. most of them are funny. even the more derogatory ones that are sex allegories are like.... i wouldn't want someone to call me them but removed from context they are kinda funny. that said finnish lepakko (bat) is still the best lesbian synonym

i dont think any make me cringe tho it does annoy me when someone is a lesbian and ppl go out of their way to refer to them as sapphic. but its not an issue w the word sapphic itself its more like how some people just refuse to use lesbian for some reason when someone is explicitly using it. idk

idk if these are by the same person but they are abt the same author (I THINK? ARE THERE MORE YURI MANGA THAT FIT THE FIRST DESCRIPTION?) but omg thanks for the recommendations!! i read the one-shot it was soooo cute... i love how different it is from the other manga LOLLL the range of lesbians.. ur so right btw both of these are absolutely my thing in different ways. u rock. thank u

i think i might have even started the OL one before but just never kept up with it (or perhaps when it was releasing) its kinda been a while since i read yuri manga other than how do we relationship so thank you!!!

ive been reading a lot of books for my advanced literature class which is like.. fun but very little time to read for myself...

that said i re-read dungeon meshi LOL, i like kept up with it as it released casually but i wanted to do it from the start to the end now that its been done for a bit. and i've been going through the almost 400 page Essential Dykes To Watch Out For i got from the library, im like 3/4 thru!! oh and i've been reading getter robo for my friend and uh. wuthering heights as a classic on the side

[trixree]

AHSOKA EP 1 - 2 THOUGHTS. (Hysteria, Even)

THIS WHOLE POST IS SPOILERS, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK YOU KNOW THE DEAL

First, out of context:

THE HOLE IN THE FLOOR THING HELL YEAH!!!! That's all

The way I am acting every time Hera is on screen... you should jail me you should put me in jail take me away officer I love her I love her I'm unwell about her

The way that every single queer person alive went "oh thank god" when hologram Ezra was like "You're like a sister to me" thank you I'm so glad we got that out of the way. Rebels!Sabine did not serve dyke for 4 seasons straight so that Ahsoka!Sabine could be a heterosexual

RYDER AZADI MY MAN!!!!! This show is for rebels fans and rebels fans only. No one else will have any idea who the fuck these people are and why I, personally, would know that voice anywhere.

Ahsoka like "Sabine was stubborn and did not listen" Ahsoka you have NEVER listened a day in your life

Lothal is the most realistic fucking star wars planet we have. This one fucking freeway right in the middle of it is the most iconic shit on this planet besides Ezra's tower and those weird smooth hill mountains. The I-10 is ubiquitous

Okay so my partner said and I won't verify this independently so take it at face value that the only other time we've heard rock music in SW is from Zeb so I fully believe Sabine's music taste is a reflection of his!!!!! and I for one love that!!!!!

That old cat is soooo cutteeeeeee omgggggg I was mad when Ahsoka did not feed him (he was waiting outside all polite like BITCH get this FREAK out of my HOUSE re: the assassin droid)

SABINE'S OPENING STANCE BEING THE ONE THAT KANAN TAUGHT HER IN "TRIALS OF THE DARK SABER" OH MY HEART

Interesting that the Darksider apprentice with the bad bob, Shin, has a padawan braid of sorts? Neato. Don't think that the Sith usually uh... do that?

MOTHERFUCKING DR. TAUB????

When that protocol droid was deadass like "Oh I saw an HK a few days ago she was a bitch" I started snapping these gay little bots deliver every time

Chopper totally chill with just wiping out an entire port city is absolutely in character and I'm so glad they've done this murderous little freak justice he did nothing but bitch and flex his little robo arms the whole time and I love that for him NEVER change Chopper NEVER change. Hera's "no I did not touch your stuff" LMFAO

The way that Sabine's hair cutting scene so perfectly mirrored Kanan's... he was with her in that moment I just love that

The way that her family is standing behind her as she takes this next step forward in her journey and life and the way that the shot is framed it almost looks like Kanan is resting his hand on her shoulder don't LOOK AT ME I'm SOBBING WAILING SCREAMING

Someone on Reddit said that "hologram Ezra sounds like the 'Buffalo wild wings has deals on deals on deals' guy from the Buffalo Wild Wings commercials last fall, which is a good thing" and I think they're right and their wisdom deserves to be shared

Overall I'm delighted, pleased, and even deranged about this - I have very high hopes for the rest of the season.

[psychologeek]

masterpost

precios tags:

@robin-the-robo

#Every week Jason posts a chapter and the notes are always something along the lines of:#‘hi! this chapter’s a bit shorter because I was kidnapped by the Black Mask for a couple of days. enjoy!’#‘okay so I didn’t post yesterday because I broke four bones but none of them are in my hand so expect regular updates as always!’#his readers are a bit concerned but this is Gotham after all. shit happens it’s just weird that he’s ALWAYS got shit happening every week#jason todd#red hood#ao3#I’m glad we agree that Jason todd writes fanfics for sure#dc comics#batfam#batfamily

@cap-noodles

#jason writes for the greyghost fandom#and thats how bruce finds out he's alive#because he updated his fic before even becoming red hood#im shaking#jason todd beloved

@its-maemain

#a fic about jasons adventures as an ao3 writer & we get to see his authors notes & his struggles as a writer + vigilante adventures#jason todd#actually how bruce finds out jason is alive is that. as the overprotective parent he is. stalked jason internet usage#as a child#when he gets an email that jason’s ao3 account updated he almost has a heart attack

@nixhydr

#IM SCREAMING#THIS#also i love the mental image that this is how bruce find out that jason is back frim the death#poor man has to take the day off after he gets the notification#this is soooo funny#op your brain is huge#jason todd#dc

@sohotthateveryonedied

#it’s jane austen fanfiction it has to be#he rewrites pride and prejudice but this time it’s batman and superman

@indi-el

#and the fic is bruce wayne x batman

@stormikins

what's the opposite of parents selling you to batman fic

@dyke-terra

#okay but i can't see jason writing fanfic jason writes angsty poetry#i'm sorry but stephanie has a 200k enemies to lovers narusaske modern au#'sorry gang i had to fake my death and leave the country for a while and we didn't have much wifi where i was'#'back on my bullshit tho'

@dipseysparkleflower

Dude...

I updated my fanfic whilst on morphine in a hospital bed after I had a major infection that almost killed me. Like Bitch i may be dying but i'll be damned if I don't update my Coco fanfic.

@roseworth

#GHEKFHSKSJDJ#somewhere else in gotham steph sends tim the link and says#‘hey look that pokémon fic finally updated!!!!’#or actually#steph is also assumed dead at this point#she’s commenting on the fic and tim sees her username in the comments and goes ???????#it’s a double whammy#jason todd#dc

@reineyday

#omg pls#fanfic author jason todd is one of my favourite hc's ever#jason todd#batfamily#imagine a jason comes home au what starts with him finding his wip folder and fics he had finished that he had yet to post#also all the vent fics he would write lmao#bruce wayne rpf fic where bruce gets punched in the face#bat rpf where he writes about the red hood bombing the batmobile the way he was planning to except in the fic he does it#and then he angrily cries about it after he finished writing it#robin & nightwing fic and everyone thinks it's about the current robin but it's jay dealing w his feelings surrounding dick#and then there's all his classic lit fanfiction lol

@alone77

Jason would 100% write a +300k word fic Batman/Bruce Wayne strangers to friends to lovers.

And Alfred is his beta work

@oifaaa

#Dc#Wait I'm reblogging this again bc I realised what type of fanfic Jason would write#Batman sold me to wonder woman fanfic#With tags like batman bashing#Good parent wonder woman#And joker dies

@flopy-hana

#i love that if i read that author's note i would be like 'ok bestie' and just keep reading#so he totally would

@captainlordauditor

#he writes the elizabeth bennett has a gun type austen fanfic#arsonist's lullaby

@forthehonorofthey

streetkid!jason writing reader insert fic where batman comes and rescues you (he goes to the public library and used the computers)

robin!jason writing reader insert where batman adopts you and you become robin (when batman is offworld on missions he will write on the batcomputer)

redhood!jason writing reader insert where you beat batman up (he prints these out and mails them to batman)

#jason todd#jason is a dramatic lil bitch#i love him#robin jason todd#red hood jason todd#all of the rogues love his fics where reader beats up batman

@kawaiikenna

Something I didn’t know I needed. 😆 Bonus that his fanfics are a mix of classics and some niche anime/cartoon.

@ptadadwenkexing

#steph is actually an avid reader of jason’s fics#she shows tim his author’s notes in the passing#tim being who he is does an intensive deep dive because damn this guy has had a crazy life#this rabbit hole leads him to figuring out it’s jason and he’s back from the dead

@emma----7

#all the comments just going with it#because gotham

@gandalfsmallnaturals

#jason todd#actually how Bruce finds out Jason is alive is that. as the overprotective parent he is. stalked Jason internet usage#as a child#when he gets an email that Jason’s AO3 account updated he almost has a heart attack#^ops tags#but i raise you: bruce knows about ao3#he just never got an actual account because the emails kept going to spam#and so jason keeps updating while he’s robin and bruce just has his account bookmarked to read jason’s stuff#when jason dies bruce can’t bring himself to look at the ao3 account with its wildly popular batman joke fic left on a cliffhanger#until!!! sometimes after jason comes back and before bruce knows#jason starts updating fanfics again and coincidentally#a few weeks after this bruce accidentally clicks the bookmark to jason’s ao3#he sees it’s updated#but!!! he thinks that someone hacked jason’s account and his wildly popular batman joke fic#so bruce emails the account like “why are you impersonating my son#and then jason and him organize a meeting causing jason to put together a disguise because bruce can’t know he’s alive yet#think of the dramatics! the theater!#and shenanigans ensue#this may not be a long post but those tags are longer than any dick you’ll see

@warrior-of-the-blue-moon

Okay, this is one. Although not the one I had in mind. https://archiveofourown.org/works/25380178

Let me see if I can find it, it's not old but still. Jason writes on fanfiction.net I think about his adventures as Robin and Tim has printed his stories. After Jason dies and comes back I think he restarts writing under the same user name and Tim finds out. What I don't remember right now is if he finds out because Jason sees the printed fics or is it because Tim tells him about someone that knows about the family and he believes this is a security breach.

Jason as those AO3 authors who have the worst tragedies happening to them and yet still continues to pump out his new chapter every week

Some poor, unbeknownst Gothamite: “My favorite fanfic writer hasn’t posted or updated any of their fanfic in like four years. I don’t want to bug them but I’m always hoping for them to come back. I hope their okay :( ”

Jason, in between cutting off right hand mens heads and antagonize black mask, like Really Living It Up: “hey, sorry, guys! I know it’s been forever! I literally died and clawed my way back from zombiehood, but I’m back now! Hope you enjoy this new chapter!”

[weatherchanneloffical]

hey if any of you see a callout for me sent it this way

[snally]

I KEEP GETTING SPAM TEXTS CALLING ME DAVID DYKE??????

[bewitching-elizabeth-olsen]

Press: WandaVision Explores Scarlet Witch’s ‘Ill-Defined Power-Set’, Says Kevin Feige

EMPIRE – Ever since her introduction in the post-credits sequence of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s Wanda Maximoff has always been an ensemble player in its subsequent superhero smackdowns, realigning her allegiances in Age Of Ultron, joining the airport fray in Civil War, and making sure Thanos knew exactly what she was capable of in the finale of Endgame. But she’s never been centre stage before, until now. In WandaVision, the first of the MCU’s upcoming run of Disney+ limited series which tie directly into the long-running movie franchise, she’s the star of the show, paired up once again with Paul Bettany’s Vision for a mind-bending sitcom-inspired comic book mystery.

Elizabeth Olsen’s character, aka Scarlet Witch, might have proved she was more powerful than we were ever aware of at the end of Endgame, but audiences are about to understand her a whole lot better – including what exactly she can do with those Mind Stone-imbued powers. “If you look at the Infinity Saga, I don’t think any single person has gone through more pain and trauma than Wanda Maximoff. And no character seems to be as powerful as Wanda Maximoff. And no character has a power-set that is as ill-defined and unexplored as Wanda Maximoff,” MCU boss Kevin Feige tells Empire. “So it seemed exploring that would be worthwhile post-Endgame. Who else is aware of that power? Where did it come from? Did the Mind Stone unlock it?”

The natural vehicle to explore that power-set? A six-episode romp through sitcom history, with Wanda experiencing a reality that sees her somehow living the American Dream with her robo-beau – despite the fact that we saw him definitively cark it in Infinity War. The results should be like nothing Marvel – or anyone else, for that matter – has done before, bringing superhero set-pieces and psychological character study to an unabashed love-letter to classic domestic situation comedies. “I loved TV, and watched far too much The Dick Van Dyke Show and I Love Lucy and Bewitched and everything,” Feige says of his viewing habits as a kid. And while the bits we’ve seen of WandaVision so far tease homages to old black-and-white series, it has plenty more up its sleeve. “We go up to the Modern Family and The Office style,” Feige reveals. “The talk-to-the-camera, shaky-camera, documentary style.”

Press: WandaVision Explores Scarlet Witch’s ‘Ill-Defined Power-Set’, Says Kevin Feige was originally published on Elizabeth Olsen Source • Your source for everything Elizabeth Olsen

[grumfield]

Ok I’m done being dramatic the reason I’m bitching about this is because I need to wear elbow braces at night and that means I have do to the fucking c3p0 walk everywhere and shuffle around like some kind of annoying robo-dyke from a bad 70s sci fi show because I have these on both arms

when I finally catch my ulnar nerves I’m beating them into the ground

[thedragonofthecastle]

tagging everyone who followed me before cause it’s calming

if you want to follow me here please do, if you don’t want to no pressure

(from @primaryyblogg incase ya forget)

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[shotfromguns]

Overall, I think Avengers: Endgame was... about as good as we were going to get, given who was involved in making the film and what had already been established (or had failed to be established) in previous films. It was for sure massively better than Age of Ultron and a noticeable improvement over Infinity War. But there were still plenty of flaws (including things they easily could have fixed) and a few things that outright frustrated the hell out of me. 

My thoughts on Endgame follow under the cut. There will obviously be spoilers. This is for @pantsvaporation, but anybody else is welcome to read/comment/etc. as well.

I was pleasantly surprised that there was a minimum of obvious “actors swinging at CG enemies that hadn’t even slightly been described to them.” And while there were definitely places the film could have been tightened up, I had been expecting the three hours to feel noticeably slack, whereas the plot never seemed to me to drag at all. In retrospect, maybe I should have been less surprised by that, given that it was directed by Russos, who were also responsible for CA:TWS, which remains the most perfectly paced action movie I’ve ever seen.

Given the length of the film, however, I am fucking furious that the only (and MCU first-ever) LGBT “representation” we got was one of the Russos as a nameless extra in Steve’s support group who was framed as a mlm through the pronouns of who he was on a date with. 181 fucking minutes, and you couldn’t find room for less than 60 seconds to show us Valkyrie with a girlfriend? Carole Danvers got that amazing (as my girlfriend often describes my current look) ‘90s dyke aesthetic after the time skip, but she couldn’t have a wife? And, of course, anybody and everybody else was given a Big Case of the Not Gays, including and especially the male characters people have enthusiastically been shipping with each other due to the historical nigh-complete dearth of women in the MCU films (Tony, Steve, Sam, Bucky... and I will have more to say about Steve).

I did cry a few times, especially towards the end, which I honestly hadn’t expected to. But it all felt very... emotionally manipulative? For example, I didn’t cry at Tony dying, per se. I did cry at Pepper reacting to his death, his daughter, Happy, etc. It felt like they sort of realized that by this point Tony had become extremely unsympathetic and that they’d probably overly telegraphed that he was going to die, so they needed to make us sad about it by ensuring we were thinking about how other characters would feel about his death, versus how we ourselves felt about it.

And we sure did get a whoooooooooole lotta time to show the audience how sad everyone felt about Tony to ensure we did, too. But there was (a) very little for Natasha, who died in this film saving the universe even more tragically than Tony did, given that she didn’t even know her sacrifice would work to get the Soul Stone, let alone whether the rest of the plan would work even if she did; and (b) almost none for the characters who died in Infinity War and didn’t get a Comic Book Death resurrection through Bruce snapping or past!Nebula breaking literally the entire premise of the film (more on that in a bit). The Vision got a two-second reference, not even by name. Loki got just a flash of a cameo, with Thor not bringing him up once that I can recall, being completely focused on their mother even in a time when they were both still alive. Heimdall didn’t even get that much, nor was he even referenced; nor were any of the Wakandans who died so that Scarlet Witch didn’t have to lose her creepy robo-boyfriend (which, whoops, she did anyway). Regardless of how obnoxious some of these character and/or their fans may have been, they still very much should have mattered to the other characters, who should have been mourning them just as much as they were mourning Tony. And yeah, sure, anybody who didn’t get Thanos’d had had five years to mourn the ones who died in Infinity War, but (a) to anybody who’d just been brought back, they were still freshly dead, and (b) even the people who were around for those five years are probably dealing with that grief all over again, not least of which because they had the others who died then returned to them, and because not everybody (especially not Thor) had even properly gone through the whole grief process in the first place.

On the topic of Thor, boyyyyyyy howdy was it frustrating how thoroughly Endgame finished off the way that Infinity War had started cutting the entire legs of his Ragnarok character development out from under him. If it weren’t for the momentary appearance of a handful of characters from Ragnarok, the movie literally might as well not have happened: Thor no longer cares about being a leader for his people, he’s back to leaning on weapons instead of relying on himself, and he seems to have completely forgotten Loki after having finally reconciled with him. And making Thor fat as a joke was not only fatphobic and unfunny but really undercut the narrative’s ability to make the viewer take his trauma seriously, because of a continuously competing tension between “you’re supposed to laugh at how he looks” and “how he looks is supposed to make you sad” that was never really resolved. There was no “you’re laughing at this, but then you realize what it actually means, and you feel like an ass for having laughed.” It was clearly set up to be, “you’re laughing at this, but then you realize what it means, and you feel a little sad, but don’t worry, there will be plenty of more times when ‘Thor is fat now’ is a punchline.”

As for the film’s humor as a whole, while there were some genuinely funny moments that were well positioned in the narrative, the movie overall felt like it frequently ran into the same problem as Star Wars: The Last Jedi, where the writers were so desperate to have characters constantly quipping that they constantly undercut their own poignant moments.

Probably the biggest actual plot hole is, unsurprisingly, the time travel. They initially did an... okay job of justifying why the characters couldn’t just change the past (though it wasn’t until Bruce got to have his chat with Mx. Yellowface that it actually got in any way coherently explained). But after they did all that work of establishing that they couldn’t just change the past, for capital-R Reasons...

They did uhhhhhhh a whole fucking lot of changing the past. A few of these things could be at least fanwanked away. Maybe past!Steve forgets future!Steve telling him Bucky’s alive because he got knocked unconscious immediately afterwards. Maybe Tony’s chat with his dad had always happened. Maybe Steve had always spent decades with Peggy. But there is no way Sitwell et al. wouldn’t remember Steve pretending to be a member of Hydra, which would significantly alter the events of The Winter Soldier if they weren’t smart enough or lucky enough to verify that Steve wasn’t also a mole and therefore realize he was an “imposter” before one of those Hydra sleeper said something to past!Steve to make him suspicious. And Loki grabbing the loose Tesseract and poofing is a massive change in the timeline.

Their enemies did a whooooooole lot of changing the past when past!Nebula brought past!Thanos and The Gang through to the future, including effectively permanently restoring Gamora, i.e., someone who’d been “irreversibly” sacrificed to obtain the Soul Stone.

Once these things happened, there was literally nothing to explain why (a) the future!Avengers couldn’t at least bring back Heimdall, Loki, all those Wakandans, the Vision, Natasha, and Tony by pulling them from earlier points in the timestream, and (b) why the future!Avengers couldn’t just take their set of Infinity Stones to a point before all of this shit happened and prevent it from ever having happened. Which isn’t to say the writers couldn’t have cooked up some sort of internally consistent explanation, e.g., “this Gamora is basically stolen from the other timeline, which still exists on its own independent axis, and the Avengers wouldn’t kidnap their friends out of another timeline and leave that version of themselves without the person they want to restore just to have that person here.” But they didn’t bother, which presumably means no one involved in making the film even noticed the utter inconsistency.

Speaking of utter inconsistency... Steve. Steven fucking Rogers. Hooooooooboy. That ending was the biggest, stupidest, cheapest piece of schlock I’ve seen in a movie for a long fucking time. Let’s leave aside the fact that he chose to leave behind two perfectly good boyfriends and the fact that he barely said boo to Bucky, despite the film having reminded us how important Bucky was to him by having his name literally be the thing that so shocked past!Steve that future!Steve was able to beat him. You’re seriously telling me that Steve was still pining soooooooo badly for Peggy that he would literally risk the entire timeline so they could have their Hetero Happily Ever After? (Bucky, Sam, Tony, Angie: I’m so sorry, bbys.)

Yeah, sure, Peggy and Steve being parted was sad when it happened. But they’d been colleagues for a handful of years, then maybe sorta friends, and then kissed once, in a speeding car, just after they finally admitted they’d both been crushing on each other pretty hard the whole time because they were on the way to possibly both die. That is not “the love of your life” who you spend the rest of time sighing over. That’s, like, the guy I casually dated for a bit over a month in 2011 because, while we hit it off amazingly well, I didn’t want to get serious when he’d be moving in about a year once his postdoc was done, who sure enough moved to the east coast a year later and then abruptly died of a heart attack a few years after that. Is it tragic that he’s dead? Absolutely. Have I sometimes thought, “Gosh, I wonder what could have been”? Sure. Did I decide that I would never ever again date or even look at anyone else, because he was the only person for me in all of space and time? Lmaoooooo no. I am, in fact, deliriously happy with my current girlfriend, who I also happen to think is way better for me than he ever could have been.

It was already established that Peggy got married in the original timeline (in CA:TWS, Steve watches some footage in which she mentions that during the war he’d saved the man she eventually married). This means that either (a) Steve supplanted her original husband, which is pretty gross, especially if he didn’t tell Peggy “oh hey btw you originally married this other guy, wanna go check him out first,” or (b) Steve was Peggy’s husband all along, and she just obfuscated that. Either way, in the timeline we end up with, somehow for 50+ years this incredibly well-known woman and sometime Director of SHIELD was married to a man she kept absolutely secret and hidden, which somehow no one ever discovered the secret of or even ever commented on, apparently. It also means that, when Steve showed up on her doorstep, both of them agreed that (a) it was more important for them to play house than for Steve to ever openly use his abilities again and (b) Steve would sit on his ass and twiddle his thumbs through every major crisis he knows is coming over the next half-century. If the MCU serum slowed Steve’s aging the way the comic serum did, this might be slightly understandable, because they could justify it as, “Well, Steve will go back to adventuring after he closes the loop with his original timeline, and this will basically be an extended vacation.” But Steve did age (and they presumably had no expectation that he would not), meaning that he wasted decades of active time at most acting secretly and anonymously from the shadows. You really think that these two incredibly dedicated and driven heroes would both agree to that? Sure, I could absolutely believe they’d take the opportunity to finally get that dance. But there’s no way that Peggy wouldn’t have booted Steve’s ass out of bed and back to the 21st century, and it’s highly unlikely Steve himself would have so much as seriously considered staying for more than a more leisurely farewell and proper closure.

Steve’s Hetero Happily Ever After also further complicates the issue of that time travel plot hole I mentioned. If the stones were plucked from one or more divergent timelines (or changes made while grabbing the stones then caused the creation of divergent timelines at those points)... how did aging!Steve end up staying in the same timeline as the rest of the future!Avengers? It seems like it should be impossible for all these things to be simultaneously true, which means either I’m missing something huge or at least one of them is a huge fuck-up in terms of the plot’s internal consistency. EITHER the changes to the past happened in (or spawned) one or more divergent timelines, which is why, e.g., Gamora could be brought forward from her past and now be alive in the future without altering the past that led to her being brought forward in the first place, in which case aging!Steve would have spent his life in an alternate timeline and old!Steve wouldn’t have been able to come visit all his buds on the day young!future!Steve left to return the stones; OR everything took place in a single, unified, undivergent timeline, which would mean Steve could drop into the past and take the long way back to the exact point in spacetime he left, but the changes to the past would have altered the past events, meaning that because Thanos and The Gang skipped forward and Loki is at large with the Tesseract, the events of Thor: The Dark World, Thor: Ragnarok, Infinity War, etc. never happened, and we’re also back to having no reason why other dead people couldn’t be pulled forward from their past timeline, why Thanos couldn’t be stopped by time-traveling the stones to before he retrieved them and using them to stop him, etc.

Various other issues:

The “monstrous” single woman who can’t get pregnant sacrificing herself so that the virile man will have his wife and children restored to him is... not a good look. Also, it’s weird how “we don’t trade lives” when it’s about a robot coded as a white man sacrificing himself to save half the universe (though apparently even at the time a whole bunch of Wakandans was fine, whoops, remember all the Black people who died trying to stop Thanos from getting to the Vision, weird how those lives were okay to trade), but when it’s about Natasha or Clint throwing themself off a cliff, immediately they’re both all, “Yeah, it’s gotta be done for the greater good.”

Thor getting to be the one to axe Thanos’s head off instead of, you know, like, oh, I don’t know, Nebula? The woman he abused and tortured pretty much her entire life? Bad. Inappropriate. Disappointing.

Everybody kept talking about how the characters who got Thanos’d in Infinity War were their “family.” For Rocket, I believe it; one thing the GotG films actually did well was to establish that level of relationship for those characters. But the Avengers? Lmaoooooo. The MCU Avengers were not a fucking family. The MCU Avengers spent every single movie at each other’s throats. If you wanted us to believe they were even friends, you should have given us at least one film of them seriously working as a team instead of against each other.

Holy shit, do I not care about Clint Barton’s Manpain(tm). Also, if you want us to see how far he’s “fallen,” maybe do something other than giving him the worst mohawk I’ve ever seen (including one done backstage after a show and one a friend gave me in my bathroom in college) and a boring tattoo and having him badly pick up an ugly katana-esque sword to kill objectively bad guys.

Bringing Scott back was easy enough that a rat walking across a panel after five years of that shit sitting in a storage facility could do it, and yet no one else tried even once? Somebody saw all that shit set up, and went, “Welp, guess they’re all just dead,” instead of, “Hey maybe this running equipment indicates an experiment in progress that we should maybe investigate”?

The “let’s line up all the named women” shot in the final battle was the most patronizing display of pandering I’ve seen in the entire franchise. Not only did it make no sense for them all to be in the same place at the same time with no men even in the shot, but... they were utterly ineffectual? It was like, “Gosh, how will Carole ever make it through that??? Oh, she’s got US, GIRL-FRIENDS, DID WE MENTION WE’RE ALL LADIES, BUT NOT QUEER OR ANYTHING.” And then... Carole immediately blew straight past them, because her power level is so off the charts compared to almost every other named woman in the MCU, many of whom are simply very, very skilled peak human heroes versus being superhuman.

Speaking of superhuman abilities: Why wasn’t every time-travel suit an Iron Man-style suit like Rhodey’s? Obviously he needed an exoskeleton bit to walk, but since Tony took the time to build him a beefed-up full suit, why didn’t he do the same for everyone else?

Along that same line of stupid decisions made around the Vitally Important, We Only Get One Shot At Fixing This time-travel mission, why didn’t they wait until everyone was in better shape? Thor was clearly still an emotional wreck, and if Rocket hadn’t been on the ball, it would have cost them one of the stones. As soon as you’re traveling back in time to fix something, unless there’s a hard limit on how far you can go back (which there wasn’t), you literally have the rest of your lives to get ready for it, so can and should take as much time as you need to prep (and even over-prep) for that mission. A little more lead time also would have given someone the opportunity to go, “Hey, wait, why don’t we first make a quick stop to just grab more Pym Particles, so we have more flexibility with destinations and do-overs?” Or even, “Why don’t we make these suits modular? That way, they can join into a single unit for each team on the way there, thereby saving a bunch of charges, but also split off into individual suits with everyone having enough juice to get home individually just in case someone gets split off. That will leave us with a bunch of extra Pym Particles in case something goes wrong.”

Other than meta reasons like “we want there to be a big epic fight,” why was it such a struggle to fight Thanos? The Avengers very nearly beat him in Infinity War, when he had five of the six Infinity Stones. Here, he had none, and they still barely squeaked out the victory by the skin of their teeth.

Thanos’s rapid switch from “I’m gonna kill half of all living creatures to uhhh save the universe somehow” to “I guess I’ll just wipe out everything and make an entirely new universe” once again highlighted how deeply stupid his original plan was. If he has the capacity to re-create the entire universe, why doesn’t he just... make more resources, if that’s such a fucking problem? I mean, also, spoiler alert for the real world: It’s not. It’s always been an issue of distribution, not amount. People aren’t starving to death because there’s no food; people are starving to death because of capitalism. So unless you target your population elimination at capitalists exclusively, killing off a bunch of people is going to maintain exactly the same problems of unequal resource exploitation and distribution.

Speaking of which: Why is post-Thanos Earth presented as a mellow semi-paradise (except for everybody being sad about all the dead people)? The loss of half the world’s population would have been catastrophic, cascading into many more deaths. Nor would it have solved inequality... or even resource “over”-utilization. Earth hit a population of 3.85 billion (i.e., half the current ~7.7 billion) around 1972, which many people currently alive have personal memories of not actually being particularly idyllic. This also highlights once again how deeply stupid and nonsensical Thanos’s original plan was, given that his “solution” could easily become obsolete in another 50 years... or even sooner, given that Thanos also cut all non-human creature populations in half, which would have not only reduced related resources available for human consumption but devastated ecosystems worldwide.

There has been a huge official campaign to persuade audiences to not spoil the movie for others. As a general principle, I’m a fan of encouraging anti-spoiler culture, but I think it says a lot about this movie in specific that the studio has put in so much effort to try to stamp out spoilers: i.e., they’re worried that the only real draw it has is people finding out assorted plot points. If your film can be easily replaced by a bulleted list of who’s alive or dead at the end of it, it’s... not actually a good film.

ADDENDUM MAY 5, 2019:

Okay, so, per the Russos, the reason Steve's Hetero Happily Ever After DOESN'T break the entire rest of the film is that it happened in an alternate timeline, and he just jumped back to the MCU prime timeline later... somehow. I still think that's shitty, lazy filmmaking, because in three hours they absolutely should have, you know, made that more clear (or... at all indicated that's how it played out). But at least it keeps their time travel mechanics from completely breaking their own plot.

But that means that in THAT timeline there were two Steves. Which means the BEST-CASE SCENARIO is prime!Steve hooked up with that timeline's Peggy after being 100% honest about who he was, alt!Peggy... chose a different version of Steve over her own Steve, for... reasons?, and then together they found and revived alt!Steve, at which point prime!Steve was like, "lol sorry bro, she's my wife 'cause I missed my chance with prime!Peggy, but at least now you're not frozen for any longer than you already have been."

Other options include:

Prime!Steve pretended to be alt!Steve while leaving him in the ice, counting on him not getting rescued until alt!Peggy would be nearly dead.

Prime!Steve helped rescue alt!Steve, then left alt!Peggy and alt!Steve to have their personal Hetero Happily Ever After while he... married some other random person?

Prime!Steve straight-up murdered alt!Steve to take his place.

Prime!Steve and alt!Peggy rescued alt!Steve, and she married both of them. (Somehow I don't see Disney going for that option.)

ADDENDUM MAY 12, 2019

I just read another interview, this one with the writers. Buckle up, because there’s even more embarrassing shit.

McFeely: I mean, we did all of this before Ragnarok.

Markus: Yeah, initially we were writing drafts prior to Taika coming onboard. And it was once they got underway and they were off in Australia making the movie and it was clear that they were discovering new facets to Thor, Chris Hemsworth wanted to make sure that this new loosened-up Thor didn't vanish immediately upon returning to the Avengers world. And so he and Taika flew to Atlanta and we had long meetings with them and watched some footage and got a sense of the new Thor tone, and it worked perfectly with where we wanted to go.

... ... ... ... Literally WHAT FUCKING PART of Infinity War and Endgame matches AT ALL with Thor's character development from Ragnarok? I was all ready to go, "Oh, okay, that makes sense" at the reveal that this was written before Ragnarok. But then, nope, they admit that they just have no fucking idea what they're doing and think they actually integrated its changes WELL. JFC.

McFeely: So where we hit upon it was in order to become their best selves, Steve had to find a life, and Tony had to lose his.

Boring idea and poorly executed to boot. (Not to mention the extreme cringiness of “finding a life” necessarily requires “marrying a woman and having babies in the suburbs.”) How are they getting paid money for writing this trite?

Fandango: So people are asking... Does this mean an old Captain America was hanging out this whole time while another Captain America was saving the day?

Markus: That is our theory. We are not experts on time travel, but the Ancient One specifically states that when you take an Infinity Stone out of a timeline it creates a new timeline. So Steve going back and just being there would not create a new timeline. So I reject the "Steve is in an alternate reality" theory. I do believe that there is simply a period in world history from about '48 to now where there are two Steve Rogers. And anyway, for a large chunk of that one of them is frozen in ice. So it's not like they'd be running into each other.

HAHAHAHA HOLY FUCKING SHIT okay so NOT ONLY do the director and writers have COMPLETELY DIFFERENT IDEAS about what the fuck happened at the end (did they... not discuss this with each other? at all?), but the WRITERS' version is the one that is THE MOST OUT OF CHARACTER. HOLY SHIT.

McFeely: So we've always thought that the most perfect conclusion to [Natasha's] arc would be to die for her new family, or to sacrifice greatly for her new family.

GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG

McFeely: We toyed with not doing that, and we had another version, and several women on the crew said, "Don't you dare take that choice away from her. The heroic thing is for Natasha to do it, not for Hawkeye to do it."

these are definitely real women who actually exist

Fandango: Do you think there's a world where we see the adventures of Captain and Peggy either on the big or small screen?

Christopher Markus: Possibly. I think maybe all I did was Steve was a stay-at-home dad and Peggy went to work at S.H.I.E.L.D. I don't know that there were any adventures.

lmaoooooooooo

Imagine being this bad at knowing your own characters. Imagine thinking either Peggy OR Steve would just give up their life to play house when there's important work they could be doing.

[straightyuri]

Robo-dyke

[jummping-bot]

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Shippu! Iron Leaguer official DVD covers illustrated by Tetsuya Yanagisawa