#roadtooctober

[lord-wicki]

Champions 11 Sep 2022 #champions #mlbtheshow22 #mlbtheshow #xboxseriesx #xbox #notmyxbox #wedidittogether #videogames #baseball #baseballvideogames #roadtooctober ##summer #sadguysummer #santarosa #sonomacounty #california #myhometown #oneplus10pro5G (at Santa Rosa, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CiZAurILkMJ/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[dragonscaledj]

Horror movie night watching Hell Fest before going to sleep 🎃🔥🍁🍂 Already getting into the mood road to October! 🎍❤🎋 #HellFest #MovieNight #RoadToOctober https://www.instagram.com/p/CS-IiyCqRPl/?utm_medium=tumblr

[boyoctober]

➕➕➕ #roadtooctober#christiandeveaux #art #music #love #now #passion #me #instagram #instagramdaily #photo #photography #live #photooftheday #producer #song #uk #songwriter #singer #instadaily #igers #sky #life #vscocam #swag #instamood #iphoneonly #hot #follow

[roadtorima-blog]

reading between the signs.

I didn’t “read between the signs” until recently, mostly because i didn’t believe they were signs at all. I honestly don’t know exactly when I stopped doubting the signs i was seeing, but I do remember the first sign that gave me no room to doubt its meaning: what i like to call the “unlikely ladybug.”

but let’s backtrack for a minute. 2015 and 2016 were two of my roughest years. when I say “roughest,” I do not mean that these were overall bad years for me; i am blessed enough to say that I have never experienced an overall bad year - let alone week - in my 24 years living. you might say that the positivity is due to circumstance, but I would argue that it’s equally (if not more so) due to perspective. anyway, I digress...

i went through some things in 2015 and ‘16 that i traumatized and hurt me in ways that i could have never imagined. i believe that i will never go through those things again, but, until recently, i was reliving some of that pain just by virtue of not confronting the remnants of emotions that those experiences left behind. 

i used to think that true liberation and bravery came in the form of transparency and willingness to yell your deepest fears and most hurtful experiences on the highest mountaintop; concurrently, i used to believe that the things i was unable to speak/write about were those same things that had a hold on me, that were unresolved, my kryptonite(s) of sorts. i no longer feel this way about the inextricable correlation between communication and bravery. some things don’t need to be discussed publicly for them to be resolved. some things i can never discuss on this blog out of respect for who and what i represent, but that’s a topic for another blog post.. again (and like i will continue to do so throughout these posts unapologetically) I digress...

long story short, i was “going through it,” and the worst part about it is that I didn’t really want to let myself admit that i was feeling hurt, damaged and less powerful. instead, i sought out activities and behaviors (that soon became habits) that further perpetuated the disconnect i was feeling between me and myself. i was going out, A LOT; avoiding family; avoiding pretty much anything that provoked the deep, critical conversations that I needed to have with myself. i stopped writing. i formed intentionally temporary relationships with people because they helped me forget. i was fighting with the people who cared about me the most. i brought pain and tears to those people because they couldn't understand why i was not confiding in them; why i was "braving” (more like cowering) through this “storm” alone, without even letting them watch through a window. 

i remember my brother talking on the phone to his girlfriend at the time. he thought i was asleep, but i was in one of my moods where i didn’t feel like talking to anyone, so i acted asleep when he walked in my room. he said: “I don’t know what her issue is. My sister has honestly been a mess. Like a serious disaster. She doesn’t care about anything but her students and her friends right now. She’s just in this phase where she’s shutting out the whole family, and i can’t wait until it’s over.” 

i remember crying for an hour after overhearing that conversation. i allowed myself to rationalize it by pretending i was upset that he would be discussing my personal life with someone else, and that i felt betrayed by his words. the truth is that he was right, and it hurt me so much that i was allowing my behavior to make my family feel like i didn’t care about them. it hurt even more because i wasn’t planning on changing anytime soon, so i blocked out the truth behind his words, and convinced myself that i was just upset that he said that.

instead of confronting what was so clearly there, i spent a lot of nights in my room trying to let my rage out in the form of slightly satisfying sob sessions that weren’t loud enough for my parents and younger sister to hear. no follow up. no much needed writing session. no intervention and promise to start acting from a place of self-love. just temporarily cathartic crying sessions to get me through the next day. 

one of these nights was most memorable to me though, and it was the same night of the “unlikely ladybug.” 

i had just had another fight with my parents that resulted in me going to my room, shutting the door and crying. even though i really can’t remember what it was about, it usually was some rendition of my very perceptive parents trying to figure out what the root cause(s) of my disconnected, withdrawn behavior was, and me resisting their attempts to understand and better love/nurture their daughter. 

this time, i was feeling particularly sorry for myself, so i texted my older brother some things about my parents that i knew i didn’t mean, just because it felt good to say those things. something along the lines of “i’m so sick of them and can’t wait to get the hell out of this house and live on my own so i never have to deal with them” (basically my 2015-16 anthem). then, it happened. 

it was the middle of the winter. i mean like January Michigan winter, and this random lady bug came out of nowhere and legit attacked me as soon as i sent that text. i call it the “unlikely ladybug” now because it was in my upstairs bedroom and just so happened to attack me as soon as I sent my text about my parents. i hadn’t seen a ladybug in months. after it attacked me, it flew over to the headboard of the bed, and just stayed there peacefully all night with me. 

i know that in my more doubtful days, i would have read this and been like “okay, so it just so happened to attack you when you really needed to get slapped, and it was in your room during the winter - big deal. stop trying to overanalyze everything.” that’s cool if that’s where you’re at too. but that night, i really couldn’t deny what i was feeling. i felt like the unlikely ladybug was a reminder to me during one of my lowest moments that i need to get my ish together. that the universe (and God) was going to hold me accountable (aka attack me lol) but love me (aka spend the night posted on my headboard) at the same time. 

as cheesy as it may sound, i felt companionship and understanding with that ladybug that night. i felt a remarkable and undeniable attempt to remind me of who i was and who i knew i was becoming. that there was a light at the end of my longest, darkest, most ambiguous tunnels. that i need to hold myself accountable when i do or say anything that counters the “rima” i know i am and the “rima” that i am working to become, because i will do and say those things occasionally. i cried myself to sleep that night because of how overwhelming the sign felt in my space, because of how badly i needed that support, but didn’t want to ask for it from anyone, let alone give it to myself.

today, i feel much happier and connected, and i still see signs almost everywhere i go. now that i’ve opened myself up to their presence and purpose, i have started connecting dots that add so much more meaning to my path. i’m not here to convince you to believe in signs. that the young girl who told me that i’m her #goals the other day in the exact moment i was having negative thoughts about myself and my body image was more than a coincidence. not trying to make you believe that the text message i got last night from my brother asking how i’m doing because he “sensed something” literally as soon as I had an anxiety attack is more than serendipity. 

i’m not really trying to convince you of anything, honestly, i just wanted to share the power in my perspective shift once i started becoming open to the greater purpose behind my interactions with the universe, because it really is a beautiful thing. now that i’m blogging/writing again, i’m going to try to capture some of the signs that i experience, whether subtle or striking, or somewhere in between. the images included in this post are but a few examples that i’ll briefly explain below.

This first sign is actually my most recent; it occurred just yesterday. I was having such an amazing day. I felt especially connected, healthy, loving. I felt like my work, life, relationships, had so much purpose and value. It was just such a great overall day, and i remember that i kept thinking about how great i was feeling all day. as soon as I got to my car, i saw my ladybug friend, and it was a beautiful affirmation. i got to my destination, and she was still on my car. i took her presence to be another reminder that, good or bad, God is there for the ride. i originally posted the picture with “serendipity,” but, i actually don’t think there was anything coincidental about it. 

I saw this “Remember Why You Started” sign during my trip to Toronto last weekend. I had recently started this blog, and was feeling really inspired to continue my #roadtorima brand and explore all of the possibilities that come along with that. but, naturally, with motivation comes mini pockets of doubt, and i believe this sign was a subtle reminder that i’m on to something.

The #RoadToOctober16th calendar was less subtle for me. I came back to my parents’ house to visit and be with my family a couple weeks ago. My father is experiencing some health issues that have had me feeling anxious and scared. I was particularly stressed coming home that day. When I walked into my room (that had recently been cleaned out), someone had taken my calendar off the wall and put it on the dresser. It was the only thing on the dresser, and its contents had been fully erased, except for the #RoadToOctober16th heading. #RoadtoOctober was singlehandedly the starting point of my entire #roadtorima journey, my commitment to better health, self-love, this blog, and pretty much all of the intentional positivity i have in my life right now. #RoadtoOctober extended far past October, but it was the light at the end of a once very dark tunnel. Seeing it was a striking reminder to stay positive, and keep doing what i’m doing.

[nicacielo1]

1 week to go #RoadtoOctober

[crobles92]

#Dodgers #FreeWaySeries #RoadtoOctober

[lovelikevampires]

The only bonus about being sick is waking up leaner and lighter with every passing day. A week before I fly off to Thailand. Contemplating dieting while I'm there. Probably need to get out the cutting knives soon anyways... Leaner by October! Let's go! #roadtoOctober #timetotightenup #cuttingKnives #mylife

[caughtstealinghome-blog]

Dodgers Clinch Division and Celebrate With a Pool Party

Last night the Dodgers clinched the National League West division on the earliest calendar date since moving to L.A. Needless to say, it was a massive feat for the organization that, in June, sat at the bottom of the division, with all hopes of October baseball fading by the inning. I'm not saying the Dodgers are the underdog darlings of October (after all, their payroll at $216,302,909 is just a Houston Astros payroll away from the Yankees) but at the rate they're going, I can't imagine not seeing the Dodgers in the World Series. 

And to celebrate their victory, the Dodgers jumped in Chase Field pool, much to the chagrin of the Diamondbacks organization. 

If the Dodgers having a pool party wasn't exciting enough for you, there are plennnnty of bitchy tweets from Arizona politicians, journalists and players. Among the many was Senator John McCain who was promptly shut down by Brian Wilson.

If I were a diamondbacks fan, I would be downright furious if your division rival just clinched on your home field, and then proceeded to jump in your pool. 

But D-Back fans should be more furious with this: On June 21st, the Diamondbacks had a 57% chance of making the post season, while the Dodgers had a meagre 7%. 

Ouch.

[mylifeforhire47]

Lets get down to business here... #beards #roadtooctober #finallyabaseballteamthatremembersthevalueofabeard

[boyoctober]

we are. #roadtooctober#christiandeveaux #art #music #love #now #passion #me #instagram #instagramdaily #photo #photography #live #photooftheday #producer #song #uk #songwriter #singer #instadaily #igers #sky #life #vscocam #swag #instamood #iphoneonly #hot #follow

[boyoctober]

take nothing for granted. #roadtooctober#christiandeveaux #art #music #love #now #passion #me #instagram #instagramdaily #photo #photography #live #photooftheday #producer #song #uk #songwriter #singer #instadaily #igers #sky #life #vscocam #swag #instamood #iphoneonly #hot #follow

[boyoctober]

green. #roadtooctober#christiandeveaux #art #music #love #now #passion #me #instagram #instagramdaily #photo #photography #live #photooftheday #producer #song #uk #songwriter #singer #instadaily #igers #sky #life #vscocam #swag #instamood #iphoneonly #hot #follow (at St Austell)

[boyoctober]

October. #roadtooctober#christiandeveaux #art #music #love #now #passion #me #instagram #instagramdaily #photo #photography #live #photooftheday #producer #song #uk #songwriter #singer #instadaily #igers #sky #life #vscocam #swag #instamood #iphoneonly #hot #follow

[boyoctober]

➕➕➕ #roadtooctober#christiandeveaux #art #music #love #now #passion #me #instagram #instagramdaily #photo #photography #live #photooftheday #producer #song #uk #songwriter #singer #instadaily #igers #sky #life #vscocam #swag #instamood #iphoneonly #hot #follow

[boyoctober]

🔱 #roadtooctober#christiandeveaux #art #music #love #now #passion #me #instagram #instagramdaily #photo #photography #live #photooftheday #producer #song #uk #songwriter #singer #instadaily #igers #sky #life #vscocam #swag #instamood #iphoneonly #hot #follow

[boyoctober]

The Nation is on the way. #roadtooctober#christiandeveaux #art #music #love #now #passion #me #instagram #instagramdaily #photo #photography #live #photooftheday #producer #song #uk #songwriter #singer #instadaily #igers #sky #life #vscocam #swag #instamood #iphoneonly #hot #follow