#rlly been wanting to experiment more w my art

[calamarispiderart]

my drawing i did for an art trade w @ailuromantic oc swap moment...!!?!?

[cannibalismyuri]

People aren’t obligated to reblog your fanfics if they don’t enjoy the writing. You don’t get as much attention because you’re not as known. You haven’t been publishing as long as the “big authors” you pretend to love but then bash them immediately afterwards. It sucks, but you can’t buy people’s affection. You pretend to be more humble than everyone else but then get pissed so easily because you don’t have bragging rights.

i never said everyone has to enjoy my writing. also the Thing is; these big authors have been publishing for longer yeah !! and their writing is absolutely marvelous and i genuinely adore them. but. they also are popular bc they're seen as Better than other creators and put on a pedestal. which is both uncomfortable for them and Highly discouraging for others. and this is due to a cliquey mindset. it Is. as much as u like to pretend it isn't, it rlly rlly is. people can be just friends. there is nothing wrong with supporting ur friends' work more or being more invested in ur friends' work. the problem lies in the fact that many people just disregard other rlly talented creators in favor of the already popular ones (who are popular for a reason. their art / fics / wtv Are really good and i read their stuff too! not trying to put them down here, just trying to lift other people up) which makes for a fandom that is going to die out. and dont u fucking dare bring my fics and my engagement and me into this. maybe i was petty abt that before and i acknowledge that. but i haven't made a single post abt how my fics are getting less engagement in Months. the post i did make and the one ur probably so butthurt abt wasn't even initially abt cliques. it was just saying that we need to rb more and be more vocal of our support of creators in the tags or - wherever. NOT underrated / underappreciated / smaller / less popular creators. i was Very general abt it. creators. period. the talk of cliques came into play when i peer reviewed someone's tags on that post. bc they were extremely real and the problem of less vocal support affects "popular" creators too! ive been noticing that they're also getting less engagement. but mostly the people affected by it are creators in the fandom with no prior popularity. and it is an actual issue. also when the actual fuck have i ever bought someone's affection?? im too broke for that, my dude, i struggle to pay rent most months. and i've Not acted humble or holier than thou. the reason i have so many moots and friends is bc im a genuinely nice person who wants to support and uplift EVERYONE in this fandom. i do have personal beef with people, but im civil to Everyone. thats the reason i have friends. unlike you, i dont send anon hate bc im butthurt over one (1) post <3 hope that fucking helps <3 also the post wasnt even abt ME. bc i genuinely dont give a fuck abt people seeing and liking my writing anymore bc i have Grown Past That and just... adopted a give no fucks mindset. the post was abt the fandom slacking and not appreciating creators (PERIOD.) enough. it was never abt me. also bragging rights? babe nobody's bragging abt how they get more interaction. that's rude asf and entirely out of the question. and those popular writers ur talking abt who Could brag if they wanted to DON'T. bc they aren't despicable human beings who love to put others down. i'm Friends, or at the very least, friendly moots w the writers ur talking abt. and im not trying to put them down. im trying to lift other people up, which is smth u just Don't understand apparently. i even contributed in a whole ass event to shine light on talented, less popular writers in the fandom. bylerficrecweek? u might ive heard of it. it helped, or i like to Think it did, with helping people branch out, but the problem wasn't completely solved. people who are equally as talented as the already popular creators have talked abt their experience with engagement in the exact same post that ur so pissed abt. im going to put tags from various people under the cut so that u can see exactly how much people are affected by the prominent clique problem in the byler fandom. hope u have a good day and u wanna kiss me so bad it makes u look stupid 😚

THIS is the post im talking abt in question, the og post along with denise @bylertruther 's tags. i'm going to be putting screenshots of people's tags on this post with due credit. (to any of the people featured here : if u want me to remove ur tags feel free to say so!)

via @holyvirgilscriptures

via @runninguplenorahills

via @unwisewizard

via @apatheticlexicographer

via @fireflywitch

via @hawkwidows

via @sandinmybed

via @katimanki2

ANDDDDD thats it! hope u fucking realized that i was speaking generally and also Many people face this problem. kiss my ass 💋

[m0e-ru]

hi ive been binging your blog a lot recently. i rlly adore the sheer effort you've given to these dumbass fucking characters that otherwise get such little people even attempting to appreciate or engage with them beyond very shallow depths. as someone who only really got into the p4 games relatively recently (2022. my only remembered experience with the series beforehand was like a couple episodes of the the p4anim years ago and playing p5 in 2016/2017) and kind of being shell-shocked by how characters like marie and teddie and namatame were perceived by the overall fanbase once i started engaging with it more i really appreciate all the writing and analysis and art and other shit you do for them. even the gas station attendant, a character i overlooked initially, i've come to love because of all the time and energy you put into picking them apart like a dead frog in a science class

uh yea idfk i feel generally vindicated by seeing the way you characterize these bitches. especially marie as someone who felt like a lot of her interesting aspects were evaporated by the fandom (somewhat because of p4ga i feel but but still) and wanted to see more silly fanart of her (and shumarie/soumarie/whatecvrer the fuck that wasn't just kind of surface level romance becuz i rlly do love their dynamic w how i see bancho in my head. idiots who dont know how to properly express themselves w one repressing themselves to adopt a likable persona and the other unable to shut the fuck up much to their own detriment. im not gonna get over that fucking "marie makes everyday sunny for him" post ever i think) so uh keep on keeping on and ill continue to like your posts and something

anyway dumb stupid cringe fucking rant over. i apologize if i come off like a loser i dont use this website and idk the general tumblr etiquette. im pretty sure shit like this shouldnt even go here but . dont need to respond to this i just wanted to yell into the void cuz i appreciate this account. rest of this will just be panels of marie and teddie and bancho from some of the p4g anthologies i own that i wanted to share in the off chance that you also dont already own said anthologies n have seen them befor. these r only from the last ID antho and the dengeki one because those r the only 2 i have proper pictures of

hai i read this ages ago and i wanna get back to it by saying youre so awesome possum forever and ever dont worry about your ettiquette because getting 3 essay worthy paragraphs of you talking is basically everyone ive met in the tumblr nation

another thing i remember is that a bestie also loved your offerings esp the last one because those two look so lalala AUAHUAHA okay i should answer this ask properly now that i have the time 🏃🏃🏃🏃

can we give it up for the bingers and blog skimmers !?!?!?! you guys are such an interesting breed i remember trying to do that in 2018 i can already recall the thrill going through my blood im so honored to see people doing that and moreso coming to me to tell me about it WAHAUHAHA 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

this gas station (blog) really is catered to the niche market of all time also because the way my brain is wired to just go in the dustiest nooks and corners of a community and thrive and live there. i AM the bug you see when you lift up the rock . hai . i'll do anything for these poor poor characters being tossed around like hot potato with people who dont bother understanding thing or even try to pick them up at all. also im getting such a kick every time someone tells me i got them into appreciating the attendant or even iznmi more OR in a different way. thats why im here bros . me when i do my JOB !!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

the way fandom handles shipping has always irked me because theres just SO much you can do with two characters than just make them hold hands. what if there was blood invovled, you know . /starts pacing around the room / you know im glad you know the know it's so cool you know /shaking you/ im glad i have a post that's affected you so much like i thought it was just a silly caption at the time and seeing it after 2 or 3 years is like "YEAHH i cooked this " and im glad you brought it to me hehehe

i hope this gas station brings you joy and you keep coming back for more etc etc and please know i really am happy to see you around in whatever branch you show up at 🫡🫡🫡 /explordes

[makwandis]

Mmmmm my take on drawing/portraying America or Canada as racialized people is that well its all in good fun but like if you poke a little deeper at . That idea. It can be quite sinister. Like to speak from my own Lane™️ the idea of some ...native person representing Canada or America it's just like... talk about a fuckin apple. Lol. I understand why people do it especially other poc and especially other natives but like at the same time it does seem to me that it'd just be coming from a place that shows ya don't know much abt what's going on in the front lines and how many of our people reject that Canadian and American identity outright and have very little to do w it. I know people who's kids were born in land occupied by Canada who refuse to register them with birth certificates and stuff because they're so against being Canadian. I know a lot of people myself included who take offense to that word Canadian we aren't none of that we been around much longer than even the countries the people who created Canada come from.

I think a native Canada (n I speak on that bc that's more my experience than with usa but ik it's similar lol) would be a level of fuckin...white washing appleness that would just be bizarre. . Like how would this native Canada person just not go "Hey Mr prime minister go fuck yourself". How would this native Canada person call themselves that when Canada barely exists and couldn't exist without treaty. Like. It is weeeeeird. I get we want representation but how about scrap America scrap Canada they are lame anyways and just make amazing ocs.... or you can change the whole story snd that Matthew Williams fella could be native still and maybe the Canadians think he's Canada but he knows he isn't and is doing stuff to like....fuck over the country. Idk man.

Have fun but also don't tell me it's something well thought out bc I don't think it really is most of the time... I like seeing some good fan art but I rlly dl think a native so called "canada" or "america" would need one hell of a backstory for it to make...sense and not just be some weird shit ya know.

But yeah hetalia is white af the source material is all about these dumb white boys. I think we should just step away from it and make ocs ngl.

Don't take this harshly tho.... i don't mean to hate on anyone especially other natives end of the day I get it it's a comfort thing fuck it we aren't actually harming our people . Maybe we are letting non natives think the wrong stuff but they do that anyways lol . But the conversation is interesting

[aroace-poly-show]

also a thing for you if you ever want to ramble about hw- what's emu's story for this? how did she get into illustration, and how did she meet the troupe?

RAUGH I ALWAYS WANT TO RAMBLE AND IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS TY FOR ASKING!!!! also took a while this time my bad man. the route my bus takes has very very shit internet so i couldn’t continue my draft during my ride 💔

anywayyy. good lord this is fucking long. im sorry.

for emu, i’m still figuring stuff out with her, but i’ve been thinking about her a lot more recently, and so far what i’ve got is that she has a little bundle of issues including grief over her grandpa, toxic positivity and not letting herself feel negative emotions properly, some internalized hatred of herself and how childish she is following an argument w shosuke, and generally feeling kinda lost, like the rest of hw, after wonder stage closed bc she doesn’t know what to do w/o shows. yknow.

so like. she still has her whole thing w/ her grandpa. and she while she wasn’t doing the *best* she wasn’t doing that bad in the mental health department. still wasn’t letting herself like. grieve properly. but she wasn’t the worst. she performed a lot on wonder stage and knew that the stage was in danger of being closed down, so she tried really hard to keep it from happening. but the actors for wonder stage began to leave as time went on and the ones who stayed didn’t really get why she was so persistent in keeping this stage open when the others in the park were better and shit. and she didn’t have much help. so unfortunately despite her best efforts wonder stage was kinda doomed for closure. butttt she’s not giving up yet. so she tries to convince her brothers to not close it, or at least to just give her some more time. which Does Not Go Well. shosuke gets real frustrated with her and starts yelling and shit. and while keisuke shuts him down once he gets too heated. well. it’s kinda too late. with what he said about her being childish and demanding that she just grow up already and stuff like that, my girl takes that to heart. and then with the official closure of wonder stage…yeah…she’s not doing the best…

emu’s grief here is made worse w/ the wonder stage closure. cause like. that was her and her grandpa’s favorite stage. girl feels like she failed him. she loved that stage. she loved doing shows there. it was something she had to remind her of her grandpa. and now it’s closed. :(

since then she’s been. different. like it’s just barely noticeable to a lot of people but she’s definitely changed. she smiles and acts cheery and seems like her usual self but like. her smile isn’t quite the same. she’s not quite as talkative. she avoids her brothers a lot more. and her brothers have noticed btw and they both feel AWFUL. especially shosuke. they done fucked up and they know it.

also like technically she could keep doing shows, after all theres the other stages in pheonix wonderland, and she has experience in doing shows + is related to the people who literally own the place so it wouldn’t be hard for her to join one of those stages. but she doesn’t bc after all that, she thinks her goal of just wanting to bring smiles to people is childish. shows make her so so happy but she thinks it’s immature and naive of her to still want to pursue that, especially considering she failed last time. it’s a silly and childish path to pursue, and she needs to pull her head out of the clouds and grow up already, like her brother says. so despite loving shows with all her heart, she gives up on doing them. but since shows are so important to her, she doesn’t rlly know what to do without them, so that’s where that feeling lost stuff comes in. yknow.

for her art, i just think she enjoyed art in general, and with her grief and the wonder stage closure it helped her cope. i have a very specific idea in my head of her style. but i cant remember the artist here on tumblr that i think she does art like. if i can remember their name i will though. i might actually do a post dedicated to what i think her art style is like….

not set in stone just yet, but what i’m thinking for the original meet up is that she meets nene first. nene does music and emu finds it, and it gives her some inspiration for some art. she posts it and credits nene’s music as what inspired her, and nene is so fucking honored. through some light encouragement from rui nene gets the courage to dm emu to tell her thank you, and they start chatting!! they get along pretty well and emu starts making art for nene’s music. eventually rui has the idea to start animating them, so they can make music videos for the songs, and boom hw gets its beginnings online.

this happens before wonder stage closure btw. when it does close, emu disappears from their group chat for a bit. she comes back like nothing happens and while she doesn’t tell them what happened, they both notice she doesn’t talk about what shows shes doing anymore, or shows in general. nene and rui are both very sad at this btw. seeing emu have so much love for shows and be able to talk about them like she did was really nice, so to see her stop with that and seemingly not enjoying shows anymore after something happened, just like they did, it sucks. :(

anyway i think my timeline is like. during nene’s last year of middle school when she transfers to home schooling, she starts doing music -> everything i just mentioned here happens -> eventually they meet tsukasa, and he joins the group -> hollow ☆ wonderland does its thing as a group for a while -> main story shit happens. yeah. 👍

uhhhh. dear god i’m so bad at explaining my thoughst. augh. i hope this made some amount of sense. and that i wasn’t too repetitive lsajdkhfgyfdhsj. anyway miscellaneous emu thingies now.

like i mentioned, wonder stage hasn’t been replaced yet, it’s just closed down and sectioned off. so emu still visits it all the time. there is nothing being done to maintain it. so it is absolutely unsafe. but does emu care. no. girlie wants to disappear and while she’s not *planning* on dying, if she had to die anywhere she wouldn’t mind if it was at wonder stage. she draws there a lot.

a lot of her drawings are traditional!! with lots of bright colors and crayons and colored pencils. she has lots of fun drawing.

this applies to non-au emu as well but she has gifted stickers to all her friends. nene’s synthesizer is covered in them.

wonder stage was closed off at sunset. btw. just to give her another reason to hate sunsets.

[autotheophagic]

Hi!! We're mutuals for Courtney LaPlante/Spiritbox and I wanted to ask if you could tell me more about Ice Nine Kills! They're gonna be one of the opening acts for Metallica when I see them in Toronto so I wanted to know a little more about them!

HI HELLO id firstly like to apologize for how horribly long it took for me to answer this omg, every time ive gotten on ive been like "oh i need to answer that ask!" and then i get distracted </3

ANYWAY. eee congrats on getting to see Metallica AND ink haha, i haven't seen metallica live but i hear they're pretty good :) and i can say from personal experience that ink puts on a literally KILLER live show. which is to say that not only do they fucking rock, they also do "live kills" on stage w/ actors who get seemingly murdered in front of the crowd LMAO. aside from how entertaining that alone is, they're just rlly good live haha

the lead vocalist + the one who's been doing this longest is Spencer Charnas! my bestie and i always say that INK is his baby; he founded it in 2000 and was the only member to persist with it for a Long Time. which is really impressive cuz it took abt 20 years for them to get any sort of recognition rlly. he's very passionate abt it fr

their 2 latest albums (AKA the stuff that's rlly gotten them recognized) are The Silver Scream and Welcome To Horrorwood, both of which are full of songs based on (mostly) horror movies! one album before their horror era was Every Trick In The Book, which has songs based on what I understand are some of Spencer's favorite books!

their albums before those (The Predator Becomes the Prey, Safe Is Just a Shadow, The Burning, Last Chance to Make Amends) aren't based on anything to my knowledge, but all pretty good. The Predator Becomes the Prey and Safe Is Just a Shadow are my faves of those ones!

ngl, the only reason I started watching horror movies/a lot of movies in general was cuz of INK <3

some (maybe too many) song recs, if you'd like to give em a listen before you see them!:

A Work of Art (their latest single and an official song for Terrifier)

Welcome To Horrorwood (Welcome To Horrorwood's title track, not based on any movie)

The Shower Scene (WTH, movie is Psycho)

Hip To Be Scared (WTH, movie is American Psycho; im not necessarily super big on this one but im sure most ppl would say its an essential)

F.L.Y. (WTH, movie is The Fly)

Farewell II Flesh (WTH, movie is Candyman)

Meat & Greet (WTH, movie is The Silence of the Lambs)

Thank God It's Friday (The Silver Scream, movie is Friday the 13th)

A Grave Mistake (TSS, movie is The Crow)

Rocking the Boat (TSS, movie is Jaws; also name drops each of their previous albums, which is rlly fun)

Your Number's Up (TSS, movie is Scream)

Communion of the Cursed (ETITB, book is The Exorcist)

Bloodbath & Beyond (ETITB, book is Dracula)

Tess-Timony (ETITB, book is Tess of the d'Urbervilles; gonna give a TW here, it's a beautiful song but a very heavy topic)

Jonathan (TPBTP; the acoustic version is also beautiful)

What I Never Learned In Study Hall (TPBTP)

Red Sky Warning (SIJAS)

What I Should Have Learned In Study Hall (The Burning)

gonna stop there bc im getting carried away fcdbdbfj, i just love them a lot. I hope this was enough info but not too much!! lmk if you have any more specific questions haha <3

[ineffabledragonfly]

Ranking all of Ariana grande albums. For context im a huge fan, im 20 so was in that age range that essentially grew up seeing her career flourish and I’ve relistened to all of em. Theres a lot of music (particularly pop music because ive been through many phases of hating pop) that’s from my youth that i would never go back to, but never Ariana Grande she’s the artist of our generation.

Also none of them are bad

1- eternal sunshine- feels like a culmination of all of the different styles she’s done into one album, beautifully personal while also being optimistic and positive, even when the topic is sad. This one definitely grew on me when it first came out i liked it but it didn’t rlly have super strong feelings over it,but she recently dropped some live sessions of some of the songs and it RLLY blew me away, which caused me to revisit the album and appreciate it for what it is. It’s an album about genuine healing, whereas ‘thank u, next’ was projecting healing. The album art is simple and gorgeous. In terms of the concept, around the movie ‘eternal sunshine of the spotless mind’: this is my favourite movie OAT, always in my letterboxd top four. Its been a favourite since i was 16 and my initial reaction that she was naming the album after it was ‘eeee🙄’ just bc i cant help but be a gatekeeper and didn’t want all her fans making it their entire personality and acting like it’s their fav movie too😭. And tbf I didn’t see much of that so im cool w it now. I totally see how Ariana saw the connections between these songs and the movie and she’s also said so many times she’s a huge Jim carrey fan so i think it was a beautiful choice. Some have said the ‘concept album’ idea, creating a character ‘peaches’ (ref to clementine) is way to get around her divorce NDA, i dont rlly care either way. I’m a HUGEEE fan of the Jon Brion’s score/soundtrack for the movie listened to it so many times so i was hoping to get some of that soft, minimalistic, dreamy Elliot smith style. But the closest thing to that was probably the title track (where she sampled Imogen heaps ‘just for now’), and it’s so beautiful.

2-positions- its an underrated brilliant album which should’ve got way more hype that it did. It feels like an elevated, mature version of ‘Dangerous Woman’ and had some great features, her and the weeknd are always incredible and the ballad is beautiful. It’s a shock to me that people were underwhelmed by her and doja on motive bc it was so fun and always gets me movin. She also worked w Leon Thomas on ‘safety net’ which is one of her most magical, beautiful songs she’s ever done. Also she looked so good during this era no offense to her eternal sunshine style it’s so pretty and much more my style, but brown hair high ponytail 60s makeup suits her so well😭. I definitely think its a different experience listening to it post divorce, seeing a lot of the song are v sexy and giving honeymoon phase, but then ull hear lyrics like ‘acts so possessive and crazy, but ik its jus cuz u love me’ and songs like off the table and pov which show her vulnerability and insecurity. Idk if this is true but apparently someone commented on an eternal sunshine post saying positions is better and she responded ‘glad u finally like it! :)<3’ which i feel so bad for bc GIRL I WAS THERE. I LIKED IT.

3- dangerous woman- i was obsessed w her before this album but this got me OBSESSED. It’s a complete classic where she rlly showed her RnB skills with her pop skills and solidified her presence in the music industry. The songs are classics and for the most part aged pretty well. They bring you back to that era of music yet still work in this era and people love that. Like she performed into you at the met gala this year and its had a whole resurgence and reminded people of the pop star she truly is, like that fixed her image more than ‘yes, and?’ did. I will say there may be too many songs on it bc some of the pop songs are pretty forgettable. But when i say that know I NEVER MEAN JASONS SONG. That was a hidden gem of a diss track fr.

4- sweetener- sweetener and thank u next had always flip flopped for me in rankings but this recent relisten has made me realise yeah this has totally aged super well. Pharrells producing is super cool and unique and she’s definately implemented that style going forward, even though fans weren’t super receptive of it it doesn’t feel dated at all. If anything she was ahead of the curve. Girl literally started everyone typing in just lowercase and the upside down thing, all style and fashion choices she made during this time ud catch girls in school doing it too including me she was unstoppable. REM is iconic, and theres underrated gems like her cover of goodnight n go, and borderline. Also i wanna say people joke abt the song pete davidson abt how she shouldn’t have called it that, but like hearing the vibes of the song and the fact that theres so many jokes abt Pete Davidson being a women magnet it’s genius. Like imagine a small indie artist singing that cute dreamy love song and calling it pete davidson it would be fucking hilarious.

5- thank u, next- ik this is her pièce de résistance and i think it’s a great album, you rlly do get the sense that its all her emotions that were overwhelming her that she needed to get out as soon as possible. The trap style is great, with ‘in my head’ being a standout, it’s evident comparing to the rest of her stuff it’s her equivalent to a rebellious phase. It’s superrrr personal, almost too personal, not for the listeners but for her considering she said she didn’t wanna put ‘ghostin’ on the album but scooter kept pushing it. Beautiful song, but so sad. I just dont find myself revisiting a lot of them apart from in my head bc they just feel so of that time and no longer my thing.

6- yours truly- rlly cute album especially for a debut beginning of her black and white yet feline and feminine aesthetic. Luvvvedd the tenth anniversary lives she did, The Way will forever be a classic. The right there mv was everything to me as a kid. Her n big Sean were so good together their songs always hit. Putting this low bc why was there random EDM breaks at the end of some song nOt necessary gurl. And also she’s improved SO MUCH since this and it was such a strong debut its crazy

7- my everything- dont get me wrong this is great album started showing us her rnb n hip hop side, love her songs w big Sean, best mistake is one of her best songs, also be my baby (she always killed it w cashmere cat). Just the songs aren’t anything super crazy or unique theyre just 2014 hit singles if she kept up w this style instead of maturing w dangerous woman she would not be where she is now. But remember when she started a whole challenge of trying to sit on a stool bc of this album cover? Shes always got people talking even when she’s not trying.

[nuoc7mia]

random update on media i’ve been consuming:

- read and finished beach lovers by emily henry, which i surprisingly rlly enjoyed! i feel like i’m slowly understanding how to read romance novels the way that i read shojo manga LOL (the ending tho made me cry a bit damnit.)

- reading cruel prince by holly black rn which i’m also enjoying !!! reminds me a bit of how old ya dystopian fiction made me feel (pos) altho i will say that the voice is a lil inconsistent imo. also didn’t realize it was enemies to lovers LOL

- read kimi no yokohao o miteita (looking at your profile) and pls 😭😭😭 SOMEONE GIVE ME MORE TRANSLATIONS PLSSSS I LOVE THIS SORT OF PLOT W MULTIPLE NARRATORS WHO ALL EXPERIENCE ONE SIDED LOVE YEAHHHHHHHHHH

- read misu misou bc of the clips of the film on tiktok and goddamn it was graphic AND made me sad :<< did not realize the creator also wrote hi score girl + i still enjoyed the story for the most part. it’s def endless suffering tho

EDIT (12.3): woah wait i forogt i never posted this since i wrote this in july LOL but i shall continue altho tbh i also don’t remember half of what i finished consuming

- cruel prince is on pause rn bc i entered another reading/life slump ;-; i have a rlly big to-read list tho that i wanna start soon (including rereading the hunger games trilogy after spoiling all of the recent movie)

- finished monster which is WILD TO ME!!!! ugh it's such a good series — truly deserve of all the flowers it has received and sm more. writing is so tight and something i'm amazed abt is how it balances mindless violence and loss with the persistence of love and the hope that life can continue on. we want to be remembered bc our lives persist thru the ppl we meet and love. the relationship between a child and parent-figure are so important for the future pf humanity (i'm blurting stuff now). it also makes me rlly wanna dive into cold war history bc ik i glazed thru a lot of it back when i was in school LMFAO

- i read transcendent kingdom for a lit class and it CHANGED MY LIFE. its depiction of addiction, trauma, and its lasting impacts are sooo poignant and

- caught up on raise no tanin ga li (ii?) and it’s a fun read :3 i like the dynamic of the main couple and the yakuza/gang setting allows them to be a lil ridiculous despite just being high schoolers LOL. also the art style is so clean + unique??? obsessed

- stl: my son’s so silly

ok that’s all i can think of now :3 will do another update and actually keep a track of everything soon xD

[electraslight]

Okay asking about how anodites work in your world after the bed post. In that one you mentioned he still had scars despite anodites being made up of nothing except energy. So is the form of an anodite determined by how they view themselves internally and then that imagine of themselves is projected onto their form? like sometime they associate with themselves so hard they cannot separate from it. But what if someone’s image of themselves is very different from their physical form? Would their mental image overpower their physical image? Sorry for the long ask or if this comes off as confusing anodites are one of my favorite concepts from ben 10 besides osmosians. Also love your art <3

hi this is a rlly good question!! but mental images dont rlly ahev much to do w it, at least in the case of anodites. first thing is ben's anodite form is very different from most other anodties, just like how a lot of his alien forms are very different from the others in their speicies. mosty anodites do not have birthmarks or abberations as they are a jelly like mana substance and are not very varied outside of their family (this is why all of the tennyson anodites are purple and look similar, anodites do not prioritize their 'true' forms and instead mostly migrate from place to place and inhabit new forms) but since the omnitirx changes alien forms to reflect the user (fuck 'peak physical form' all my homies hate peak physical form) a lot of bens aliens have modifications that are reflections of bens current body and for some, like celestialsapiens and anodites, what he wants to be. as things like a surgery that drasically improves his happiness and is an impactful experience for him is something he aspires to and anodites and celestialsapiens both reflect a sort of inner truth (celestialsapiens being an ideal self and anodites being a true self) so thats why, even though both specifics dont have a need for them, they have them.

as for anodites being also an inner truth i feel like its a little different for them than it is for ben, as they dont have as many heavy modifications on the speices, being more of a reflection of their personalities. verdona is very large and lanky, sunny is angular and pointed, and gwen is soft and curved and petite. gwens is more of an ideal to her than sunny and verdona's forms are to them as gwen is so distant from it, but her tragedy is that she can never live in this ideal and still be w the ppl she loves.

and lastly, for an anodite who's very very different than the image their skinsuit projects, i feel like most anodites are like this, being basically eldrich horrors hiding in plain sight. verdona has been around for eons and is as cruel and indifferent as the vastness of space but she is still projected as just a nice little old lady, and gwen has the power to level universes but if you saw her on the street youd just see a lanky unassuming schoolgirl. the true self always leaks through though, and to certain people its very easy to see through this. anodites arent as good at hiding as they pride themselves on being.

[rgbwings]

hi! just wanted to mention bc idk how to show i empathize w/ ppl without anecdoting: when i was rlly into mcyt, i drew and posted a lot, and got like. maybe 1 ask every other month on average. i have friends that seem like they get 5+ asks a day. i have literally 0 idea what the issue is; i swear social media is a gamble. i highly doubt its a problem with you

anyways just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone, and side note bc i dont wanna make this entirely venty/serious: i literally fucking LOVE how you draw swordsmachine <3 i need to draw it myself LOL



I dont know, im not in a good place mentally lately anyways and health is getting worse, economy too, i cant afford my antidepressants anymore. I'm slowly, quietly, isolating myself. I haven't eaten real food in days and I stink, no shower in dAYS neither.

If i'm complaining about this is because i see my art friends getting asks, feeling all motivated and aw,, I really wanna feel that.

Whenever I draw i kind of feel bad because I notice instantly im once again doodling with the means of making money! It's been like this for many, many years, specially when I'm surrounded by people, specially my family, expecting me making money when I draw. The industry engraved that in my brain and I really wanna just doodle for fun, i want to post my shittiest doodles, my shitty grayscale shading, the low quality art and feel ok about it. I hate when my brain is like "holy shit this is so low quality now everybody think you're not capable of more"

just wanna go back to when I was 15-16 drawing for fun ffs in a fandom like a normal human being my art is ASS i fucking hate it lmao i wanna have fun

it surely is a me problem which is fine. I'm fine with that. Some people just don't look engaging enough.

this blog is an experiment! an attempt to heal how i feel about my art.

you should def draw swordsmachine and show me, it's a very fun character to draw because its so weird dshgbkdsf fucked up proportions and funni head! sexy wires also

[sleevesareforlosers]

happy solstice jordan!! one thing i’m looking forward to for the new year that i’m also kind of terrified about is graduating and finally being done with school! i’m anxious about finding work but i think once i’ve got everything smoothed out and in place i’ll be really happy post-grad!

something i’m bringing forward from this year is the work i’ve put into my art, i really want to keep experimenting and pushing myself and not just letting myself get into a rut. i’ve been experiencing a lot of self-doubt this year with my art especially but i’m proud of the way i’ve been managing my time and the challenges i’ve faced so i want to bring that energy with me into 2023 :}

the weather here has been clear and sunny but pretty cold the last few days! right now it’s like 11 pm and it’s about 30 degrees F outside, so that’s like. -1C? during the day it’s more like 35-40 F. i don’t really care much for the cold so i comment on it every time i go outside BUT it’s still nice and it’s given me a chance to wear my new winter coat which is a very cute puffer jacket!

if i could be anywhere right now i think i would still pick to be home :) one of the things i’m most nervous about with moving out on my own is not being in my home where i’m comfortable and have all my stuff with me the way i like it but mostly about not being around my family so i’m enjoying spending as much time as possible living at home during the breaks and being around pretzel and my parents and siblings. also once i move my friends who live around here aren’t going to be as readily available though others will be so there’s that as well 🤔

definitely i am a serial rewatcher/listener/reader! i like the things i’m comfy with and it’s hard for me to go outside of my comfort zone and experience new things with media especially. i reread a lot of books and i rewatch youtube videos and movies and music. especially shows, i really don’t watch a lot of tv, and when i do watch tv i have a tendency to put on old shows that i’m comfortable with. i make exceptions for star wars shows but that’s it and aside from the mandalorian and andor sw has been very disappointing lately so that’s been tough. i think the one thing that may be an exception is music! while i like relistening to all my favorite bands over and over and over on loop i also really enjoy the experience of finding new music that i enjoy and playing that over and over also :)

i hope you’re having a wonderful day danny i love u!! 💝💝💝

pretzel says hello as well 💕

[ID: a fluffy golden puppy dog lying on a tan corduroy couch, looking into the camera with his paws tucked up. end ID]

happy day after solstice love!! enjoy a longer day today than yesterday

!!!! wah thats so exciting. i cant believe ive known you like. long enough to see you do your entire degree im SO excited + proud of you and im wishing you ALL the best w your postgrad stuff!!

YES its been very clear in the art ive seen that you're putting so much effort into it and its absolutely paying off. cannot WAIT to see where you go from here! ik self doubt is a bitch but you rly are so talented i hope you can keep up your energy w it into the new year and beyond

OUGH! chilly! im glad you have a nice new jacket to keep you all toasty esp if you dont rlly like the cold. and i hope you've got as much hot chocolate as you want to warm up w when you get back inside! ive been drinking sooooo much hot chocolate recently its life changing esp when its cold out

wah thats so sweet. i absolutely understand moving out can be SO intimidating but i hope when you do end up moving you find a place that you can make yours and be just as comfy there as you are at your parents place. and in the meantime! enjoy the being home! give pretzel a BIG BIG kiss for me im saying hello back to him and givin him a good scratch

this answer does NOT surprise me at all and props on being the first person to come down firmly on one side or the other. esp w tv i totally get that <- has been rewatching supernatural unfortunately. its so much more of a time commitment and esp with shows that are just coming out its like. you want a decent payoff for your time + energy investment. like w star wars shows i was SO excited for bobf and then. well. i think i watched like two episodes and then the Thing Happened and i was like 'yeah im not finishing this' but i have heard SUCH good stuff about andor and its done coming out for this season so i just need to sit down n actually watch it.

its nice that new music is easy for you its SUCH a delight to find new music you actually like so im glad that you get to have that!!! anything specific thats been in your playlists recently?

i DID have a wonderful day yesterday i hope you have a good one today!! love youuuu

[imnotreal-png]

>:) -- Entry 1

OK i just smoked a joint after i wrote the date and now im kinda chillin but imma still yap on dis hoe.

I am a loser. Like a huge loser, okay? Like im not dumb or wtv, i may have reached a weird and insane level of self awareness, but im just as much of a loser as anyone else.

I keep catching myself trying to people please and overstepping my boundaries and justifying it with "oh everyone else does it, so what, its normal" like ok dumb bitch that doesn't make it okay, get a grip.

But i will be yapping away abt alot of stupid bullshit i deal with and stupid things make me sad. I am very well aware that I am irrational, but these are things i feel in those moments that i always hold in because i don't want people 2 see that weak side of me. It's embarrassing and it's not me.

In truth, i have nooo idea what i'm doing. I have 0 clue on where i'll be in the future. I didn't think i'd make it this far and not on some suicidal shit (idk if u can say that word here, oops.), i just genuinely thought that i'd somehow perish?? Like i wasn't really real in some weird way. I just didn't exist. Even though i was always the center of drama or the cause of all things chaotic, i was always misunderstood. god that's so fucking cringe but hear me out.

I always said shit that i believed was clear enough to be understood and yet it wasn't. Even my tone apparently has been rude this entire time. But no one would actually tell me how i come off, they just ate it up in silence and then spaz on me. Even now i don't really understand because i truly believe i am very clear on what im saying. Yet it's still...not seen the way im trying to show it? Idk if im making any sense bruh but whatever. Maybe im narcissistic but no one understands my brain the way i attempt to express it...or i guess how i see it. Idk i guess im just frustrated that no one understands me or gets my brain.

Also it's super cringe when people tell me im mature for my age. Literally eat my shit. actual ick. get away from me.

I hate my mom. She hates me too but she hates me bc I'm not the pussy she wishes she was when she was my age. She's the most childish person i know. I genuinely do not care what she thinks of me whatsoever. She's just power hungry and immature. Actually, I don't even hate her, i just hate that she gets to have all this power over me. I just want my freedom, thats it. She can hate my lifestyle or whatever the fuck, as long as im not living with her. At the end of the day, im truly content with who i am as a person and my moral compass etc, she cant affect that. I just need to have my own space and leave her household to finally be free and actually experience life in a comfortable and more peaceful way. I guess that's all i can say rn. I just wish she would respect my boundaries and stop treating me like im her competition and she'll always be superior. She won't and i cannot wait for the day she finally see's that lol.

!! super irrational moment alert !!

LMAO this is super cringe but like when i started music i put "listen 2 my moozik" in my bio bc we say muzik in albanian but americans wud have 2 read it as moozik to get it right + its funny? Ever since i started rlly getting exposure and performing out there, all these NON SLAVS/BALKANS have started putting it in their bio's 🙄 like be fr, its sooo obvious (at least to me). And now some of these mfs i've interacted w startes stealing my lingo and the way i type [this isn't how i type when i txt friends. its worse and i shorten everything in a miserable way cuz its funny] and it's cute at first but now mfs on social media posting the way i do and talking the way i do. [insert side eye bc yeah] and it's kinda cringe cuz they're actually rlly shallow and mainstream people, they just look like they trying 2 hard to be quirky. lol.

im probably tweakin tho idk.

i wish i grew up with art. i wish my parents had that and were able to introduce it to me. I feel like a fraud when i try to be creative and do things. Even with making music. As much as i enjoy it and love it and it really does make me happy, it feels fake. I can't play any instruments, i can't sing, im far from a good writer, fuck if know anything abt music theory...i literally just click buttons and make sounds on my computer lol. I didn't grow up indulging in art and creativity, i was actually always super bad at it. I wish i had a deeper connection with it. I wish i understood it better. I wish i expressed it better. I wish my ideas were my own. I want to be able to create something that is truly mine without feeling like im a fake.

UHHHH so imma just come on here and vent whenever i feel like i have something i need 2 say. This is intended for the void, if u come across it...cringe.

[silverflqmes]

NOT VERY OFTEN😭 or i’m just in so much shock that im like ARE YOU BEING FR?? ( coming from someone who wasn’t usually the funny or jokey one among friends.. )

YEAH MY GAMING BECAME MORE LIMITED AS I FURTHERED MY HS CAREER😭 i was rlly strict on myself during my final yr cuz i had to repeat it ( had a rlly bad year with covid and all cuz it fucked w my studies</3 ) soo i just limited myself to genshin impact and tekken- since i would play against my dad so i had an opponent LMAO that’s uh weirdly when my interest for ff started to brew bc noctis got added as a dlc for tekken 7 back in 2017 so i was like oooh!! however.. i did not act on said interest🥹 i was like nope!! cannot afford it with how bad i procrastinate.. but fr?? if you go for vet tech i hope it works out!! im going to a uni college, so it’ll be a bit of everything but i want to go into arts and humanities<3 its a three yr cram program but im excited for it!!

i heard that the remakes were pretty different from the og, but im excited to see in what direction it goes in because of that since it’s something the audience already knows and yet there is this suspense because there are bound to be unexpected changes and twists🥸 BUT IM LIVING FOR WHATEVER SEFIKURA STUFF THE DEVELOPERS DECIDED TO FEED THEIR AUDIENCE CUZ ITS JUST INSANE TO ME?? half the time i gotta ask myself if im IMAGINING IT?? the developers are fr SPOILING sefikura enjoyers let them get together and violently make out in the third installment. KIDDING🤠 most definitely kidding.. ( maybe. ) but im really loving cc even if it made me cry last night ( angeal sobs )😭 it’s just like — the ffvii version of revenge of the sith ( for reference this is my fav film of all time ) and im EATING it up🤭 even if it’s gonna tear me tf down at the end.. but it’s great, i just wish more details were added :’) it goes by really fast?? i think it would have been more suspenseful to build up more to lead up to sephiroth’s fall from grace, cuz then the audience gets like EVEN MORE ATTACHED and has even more to lose ahaha.. i’ve seen bits of rebirth and i wanna play so so bad but i gotta hold off on the ps5😔 ec is good but i feel you about the whole stuffing sephiroth lore into a mobile game.. it’s just😭 but yeah i decided to play, it’s grind heavy but i’m trying to get to sephi :’) its just taking some time to level up🙁

oneshots are smtn i do for friends too and just to experiment a little with my writing — or whenever i need a break from fics to just write small stuff and rebuild inspiration :’) headcanons are also fun to do just cuz i get to be unhinged LMAO all types of practices cashes out tho!! but yeah i used to gatekeep too, i was so embarrassed to have ppl read my stuff.. but i kinda just was like fuck it why not🫡 although i took down all my old stuff cuz.. cringe.

dialogue goes hard fr and when a line delivers SO perfectly i just gotta slam my phone or book down, pace about and then return to it.. BAHAHAHA FANTASY BOOKS DO THAT YEAH me personally i do like to be descriptive just cuz i like to set the scene so that my audience is able to see what i see and feel what’s happening outside of the dialogue but it depends what direction i took — if it’s something more imagery focused, dialogue is less emphasized on — if it’s more conversation focused, then dialogue takes the spotlight! i agree with what you mean with the fighting for sure too cuz they definitely need it to communicate since it’s kinda what they were molded into doing ( shinra i will have you by the throat one of these days. ) so i think it’s essential to their relationship LMAO especially for cloud since he has a harder time expressing himself.. sephiroth i mean, has a tough time with feelings too — but he’s a little better at them than cloud is😭 DUDE WHEN TIFA CAUGHT THEM I DEADASS THREW MY PHONE ACROSS THE BED AND SCREAMED INTO MY PILLOW I WAS LIKE NO NO NO😵‍💫 but im glad things at the end despite the conflict was sorted — even if tifa was like yeah uh saw my besti get his back blown out by his enemy, totally normal about this ( she was not ). FF7 RLLY IS A TRAGEDY ISTG I ALWAYS END UP LIKING THE ANGSTIEST SHIT😭 relived you do happy endings tho, it’s healing honestly. reading is about escaping fr so its best to escape to something guaranteed to end well despite hardship!

OOO A DRAGON?? im a monkey BAHAJAHS i think that pairs sillily with gemini, although a lot of my friends think i act like a taurus more😭 which makes sense since im on the cusp ( may 23rd is my birthday and gemini i believe begins the 21st )🐒 honestly never tried the question thing now that i think abt it.. well, somewhat.. usually i like doing au stuff so my questions are more like hahaha what if haikyuu was set in star wars or acotar or genshin — basically something like that and then i do a load of world building😭 which i love<3 but i get that! i mean you’ve been acquainted with them for this long so it eventually comes naturally yeah? BUT YOURE SO RIGHT, i have had moments where i was like SHIT i wish i added this and then i rework things to make my new editions possible LMAO

schedules and writers are like water and oil, kudos to the authors who can actually keep schedules😭 BUT SHIT YEAH I WOULD PASS OUT IF I HAD TO WRITE THAT MUCH IN ONE SITTING granted i have days where i pump out 2-3k words but then i have days where i put one sentence and im like okay thats enough😶 HAKAHWKWJSJ I WAS JUST SHOCKED SINCE WE GOT SO LENGTHY😭😭 but i do have discord!! i’ll dm you my user after i finish LMAOAOAOAOAISSKKS

DUDE I LOVE OLD FILMS SM AND WITH THE TECHNOLOGY THEY HAD ITS JUST SO??? i wish ppl would appreciate it more but i guess newer generations are spoiled now😭 I HEARD SOMETHING LIKE THAT ABOUT SEPH’S HAIR THATS HONESTLY SO INSANE TO ME they fr were like we cannot butcher homeboy he’s gotta eat up the audience, love them for that so much<3 BUT YEAH!! that’s honestly so crazy to think about, every time i look back on my interests and the source it came from or i guess the what initiated it — its just so crazy??? to weirdly think that i would not be doing any of this if it wasnt for my guy best friend — who i had a crush on for the longest time.. and wanted to get into his interests to become closer with him — which resulted in me discovering fanfic on my own, writing it and getting the courage to share my writing with others, as well as making cool friends😭 BAKAHSWKSJ YEAH I AM🫣 THATS SO CRAZY TO THINK ABOUT THOUGH??? no wonder you write so wonderfully, you really really honed your craft<33 AKAKAKS THAT SOUNDS FUN THO🥹 my old best friend at the time when i began writing would co-write with me and we would also draw scenes too- back then it was when we played wizard101 together, minecraft and sims — and just spawned all these handwritten and drawn stories😵‍💫😵‍💫 it was so much fun, i kept all of them<3 GEEZ DELETED??? that sounds like wattpad now, they rlly just kinda fucked up the whole site.. that’s why i keep nsfw content here :’) HELP THE LEMON AND LIME ERA AJAJAJSHS that is such a throwback oml, now its gone to smut and most recently- spice among book lovers😭😭

zakkura was doomed a bit yeah</3 im not sure how things turned out in rebirth since i hear he’s in it?? but im rooting for him and aerith more😭 they are just so cute in cc together🙁 BAKQSH yeah sefikura.. its a tough call🥹 but they both need each other — like one cannot be without the other no matter how many times cloud tries to reject him.. DUDE I LOVE OLD SCHOOL BL THO<3 maybe thats why i was so drawn to your fics cuz honestly i dont read ship stuff anymore since im a little more self indulgent ahahaha.. but sefikura snatched me up in such a stunning move🧎‍♀️

LMAOO YEAH HE IS he’s such a sweetheart<3 i love him being the mediator and comedic relief, the much needed extrovert among two emotionally constipated introverts BAHAHAHA but yeah.. i figured things might be a little rocky between cloud and seph after the ending of SI but zack will help, i believe in him!!! ESPECIALLY WITH THAT EXCERPT ABAHAHSSHKW i bet cloud would let sephiroth sit on his lap to prove a point tbh ( it probably fails and leads him to getting teased instead AHAHAHAHA )

HELP IM JUST NATURALLY NAIVE😭😭 might also be the cloud kinnie in me cuz i continuously stumbled into those thinking patterns of like okay theres a happy ending BUT IS SOMETHING GONNA HAPPEN TO SEPHIROTH BECAUSE THE POSSIBILITY OF DEATH KEEPS GETTING MENTIONED AND IDK WHAT TO THINK.. so you successfully got me to follow the cloud train of thoughts🤣 but yeah writing is about playing your audience a bit, even i do that especially with my constant need of leaving cliffhangers ahahahhaha… its rlly important to get them in touch with their emotions cuz it draws them in more — which is what happened to me ehe.. BRO YEAH IAYSKSJSKSKS in ID the whole time im like oh gosh what is he planning all we know is cloud’s pov so it leaves me wanting to know what sephiroth is gonna do yk?? so once again — you succeeded on that BAHAHAHAHA speaking of its almost 1am I HAVE GOT TO READ CH 15🫡 ao3 was down today and i almost combusted im so glad it repaired itself cuz i was like NO WAY NOT WHEN I WAITED ALL WEEK FOR THIS MOMENT😭 kinda worked out tho cuz i finished my motivation later yayayay~

aaaa i hope it’s gotten better, it’s tough to deal with that — i used to have really bad anxiety a couple years back due to school :’) but i’ve somewhat gotten better, my only issue is stress.. im glad sefikura has helped you though!! AND THAT LIFE GETS KINDER TO YOU BC YOU DESERVE IT FOR BEING SO SWEET🙁❤️

OMW TO THE REUNION AFTER I HYPE UP MY BESTI REAL QUICK🕺 EEEEEK SO EXCITED TO READ<33

hi hi not necessarily an ask but i wanted to tell you that your works are so good??? like i’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that your stories are not the canon plot of ff7 AND YET IT FEELS SO REALISTIC BECAUSE YOU PORTRAY THE CHARACTERS SO WELL??? i fr almost gaslighted myself for a second there BAHAHAHA ahem, anyway, really love your style of writing, it’s so refreshing to me<3 literally got me giddy and looking forward to fic updates for the first time in awhile?? i’ve been in a reading slump for a good minute and your sefikura fics dragged me out in the most emotional yet spicy way possible IDK HOW YOU DO IT WITH THE WAY TAG TEAMING SMUT AND ANGST SO LANGUIDLY, LITERALLY GOT ME UGLY CRYING ONE MINUTE AND THEN SCREAMING THE NEXT

the power you hold oml but anyway — all in all it’s immaculate, eating it up fr🧎‍♀️ can’t wait to read more!!

and ummmm.. my bad for the word vomit i fr had to simp on main and show my appreciation🫡 have a good rest of your day / night!!<33

Wow, thank you so much! 😱 It’s not everyday I get praised like that, and I’m so honored you like my work that much! 🥰 I love to write, and I have original work on the backburner indefinitely because sefikura has stolen my soul for all eternity, haha. And I know exactly what you mean, I was so disappointed that fics I liked a lot only updated once a year or were left unfinished and I just...got so fed up with it that I decided I’d rather just spend my time writing my own than keep trying to read them. That’s why I’ll never leave a story unfinished(though sequels may take a while to appear). My comments section on AO3 is open to both users and guests, so you are always free to scream about it there or here, I don’t mind in the slightest! It makes me excited to post when you’re excited for the update, too! 

Out of curiosity, which story got you hooked on my work? 👀 In Death is my current fic that has 5 chapters left, and I’ll post one every single Friday until it’s complete, with chapter 15 coming out in just a couple days~! Ahh, the reunion is almost at hand! I also made a special image for the final chapter, and I can’t wait to share it. :) Thank you for leaving me such a lovely comment, I’m truly honored to receive it! 💖💖

[teeterarting]

here's a list of things i love about PSMD for no reason other than i think it deserves appreciation (spoilers)

the hero gets adopted by a nuzleaf. Hero, a young child that doesn't know why they were brought into this world, attacked by beheeyem, scared and alone, finds someone that takes them under his wing and gives them a home. it's really sweet that once Nuzleaf brings them to the Village, Hero's not alone anymore.

yes it was all a trick, he deceived you. but being betrayed by your father figure hits so much harder. it's much more personal, especially when both Hero and Partner are kids. and when Nuzleaf goes through all that ordeal in the post game, then gets accepted back into the village?? And his little speech to Hero????? it's heartbreaking and incredibly touching at the same time

everything is just so cute!!!! you go to school with your new friendo and you're friends with the schoolkids, and you make the trip to school every morning taking in the scenery, the smell of dew and fresh grass, and the sun on your face... and you take classes about Mystery Dungeon mechanics, and principal Simipour is a big BRO, the school nurse Audino is super kind and helpful... and you get to play with your pokemon friendos in summer vacation, and explore a dungeon with 'em... AND your bond with your Partner begins to form, getting stronger and stronger from then on. PSMD's beginning arc is so warm and pleasant, it's like reliving childhood memories all over again, when things were happier and you didn't have to worry about how cruel the world is. this story section's one purpose is to get the player used to the game's mechanics, as well as foreshadowing. unfortunately most of the school kids get forgotten later on, but I still love this part for everything it is, even if unintentional.

it's not just the beginning that's cute. PSMD'S ENTIRE WORLD IS ADORABLE. It's just filled with life every town you go. there are a bunch of pokemon locals and they all have interesting things to say, in the main story and the post-game. there's a point where their comments get repetitive, but that's bound to happen in any PMD game. Even then, the days are never the same. one morning you wake up and the Lively Town locals are exercising, then the next they're having singing lessons, and then they're practicing martial arts. and you get to connect with (or recruit) some of them just by.... chatting!!! Sitting next to that big ol' venusaur and sharing stories, laughing and having fun. it's good stuff.

Sometimes you find travelling pokemon in dungeons and it's jsut the coolest thing. Imagine you're exploring a dungeon, then your Connection Orb notifies you there's a fellow explorer in the floor. First thing you do is try to find them, and when you do - oh dang a travelling Archeops!!!! And then they just,,,, exchange their experiences and thoughts on exploration and how hard it is to fend off those enemies and the cool treasure they found the other day (the game calls it "[Team Name] and [Traveller pokemon] compared notes"). then the traveller heals you, fills your belly and restores your PP. and they go on their way. idk man it's such a cute interaction. explorers chatting, empathizing and helping each other, bc their job is not an easy one...

PSMD Partner is the most developed Partner in any PMD game yet. They start off as this naive, hyperactive kiddo, then stuff happens, and worse stuff happens, and you get to see how they grow and change and by the end they're a different person than they were before (in more than one way ...). It's just so nice to be by their side, from the beginning to the bitter end, and watch their growth. in contrast, Hero is a little unbalanced in that their backstory is not explored as much, and their personality is kind of a blank - probs meant to be vague so the player can be in their shoes. to me this just gives you the opportunity to shape their character however you want, so you can have tons of different hero/pardner dynamics.

The music is rlly flippin' good. Some of the tracks are recycled from previous entries, but when they go original??? it's a blast!!! "Echoes of the Mystical Forest" is one of my favorites in all four entries, it has no right being so amazing for a random dungeon. "Time to Set Out" makes me cry immediately (also i think it would be a better fit for the parting ways scene at the end...). Don't even get me started on "Second Dark Matter Battle", it has everything an epic climax needs and MORE. the Partner remix????? absolute genius

speaking of which, Dark Matter ITSELF,, is freaking amazing. Its actions were foreshadowed in the very beginning, though they were not blatant through the game. i do think they could have done a better job at showing the pokemon's negativity raising in the world, as well as negative feelings in the characters... but it's not like Gates did a good job at it, either (outside of cutscenes, all the locals in Post Town are incredibly nice to you and fights didn't "break out often". it's like the game tells you the world is a dark place, but what it shows in gameplay doesn't add up). so i'll cut them some slack. Still, I find Dark Matter a more compelling villain than the Bittercold for several reasons. it is sentient. its speech is a jumbled amount of voices all talking at the same time - the anguished voices of the world. It actually concocted a plan to hurl the planet into the Sun, using pawns like Nuzleaf and Yveltal to do its dirty job. in the Voidlands, Hero and Partner discover its past, and how it'll come back after defeat, like a cycle. when Partner accepts Dark Matter, they accept negative feelings as something everyone has within themselves. Most of all, the fact that Dark Matter is a manifestation of negative feelings doesn't make it just a generic threat, a final obstacle to be defeated so the world can be saved. It makes Dark Matter - negativity itself - a natural part of the world, the yin to its yang. and that's why I LOVE IT SO MUCH DANG IT EVEN THANKS PARTNER FOR THEIR ACCEPTANCE

The fact that Dark Matter can possess pokemon that have "even the smallest amount of darkness in their hearts". it makes me think of Mr. Nuzleaf and what he might have gone through in the past to make him so easy to be controlled. Did he hold a grudge against someone?? Did he commit a crime?? Had Nuzleaf always been malicious???? And if so, is this why he shows so much remorse in the post-game??????? because he had always been this vile fiend and then he met this small kid and got attached, but still carried on with his evil actions because his malice was still stronger than the positive feelings and Dark Matter's hold on him intensified?????? I don't know!!!! and as much as i wish the game could have given us that sweet mr. Nuzleaf backstory, it's pretty fun to have freedom to come up with your own version.

Everything about Super's climax is just phenomenal. Every single flippin' legendary is there to help you. Arceus is in the game. MEWTWO IS THERE. and when things are looking hopeless, they really seem hopeless. First the Tree of Life is dying, then your allies get turned into stone and sent to hell The Voidlands, Arceus gets turned into stone, the entire world is stone (except for several mon' that are still safe and holding onto hope, but they're so few). Your Harmony Scarves stop working and you and your Partner are back to your feeble, basic stage forms. You are bordering exhaustion, you have no Emeras, it's just you and your Partner against an eldritch abomination that's killing the life on the entire planet like a parasite, devouring all hope. but you still fight back. Given how adults in the game always discourage the village children from going adventuring, that they cannot do this or that because they're so little and fragile, it's awesome how Hero and Partner beat Dark Matter as tiny kids.

PSMD is not a flawless game. in fact there's plenty of things that hold it back and i even mentioned some... but it's still full of love put into it and it resonates w me more than PMD Explorers of T/D/S and Gates to Infinity (Rescue Team is a close second). its my all-time favorite PMD game.

[time-is-restored]

[crashes in through the ceiling] Hello I Have Normal Opinions About Both Persona 5 And TMA And Can Be Trusted To Speak About Them At Length

ill put it under a read-more tho so i don't clog up the post too much LOL.

also over the course of writing this i definitely swung WILDLY between where in their respective arcs the avatar-ing process would occur, and i rlly can’t justify any of said timeline choices other than saying that, personally, i think its GENERALLY where they both experienced + generated the most fear (w the exception of akira, but he deserves special treatment. he's just a little guy!).

so! so far my personal vibes are:

akira - okay hear me out. stranger? now yes he’s literally a voiceless player character but i like to think he has lots of different themes all mostly circling around the stranger territory. like, in a universe where everything akira is capable of in-game translates 1:1 to real life, this dude would be intimidating + uncanny as shit. can intermittently see through walls to Specifically track people he’s got his eye on (third eye), is unerringly able to break down ppl’s walls + make them all but willing to die for him (confidant bonuses w matching personas), simultaneously has a reputation as a delinquent and as the smartest kid in school, every time he sticks his nose into something new (the volleyball team, madarame’s art exhibition, the extortion ring, etc.) someone Incredibly Powerful and Incredibly Bad trips over themselves on their way to cry on TV and give all of their money to charity, Rose From The Fucking Dead!?!?!!? also just in general, i think this angle could rlly play into the ‘can you really call urself Just Another Human when you regularly go traipsing around in humanity’s collective unconcious + can demonstrably bend ppl’s desires to ur will’ themes, like how maruki’s distorted desires has him self identifying as a god, and ‘above’ humanity. i think both for people who do and don’t know akira personally, he’d have the energy of being like. a little more than ‘just’ another human.

of course, all of that energy could easily be turned into a Hunt avatar, too - able to unerringly track + pin down his confidants, his targets, the treasure, shadows in mementos, personas that he needs, etc etc. life is a game and He’s Winning, and if you’re still playing it’s only because he WANTS you to. there but for the grace of The Main Character, etc etc

ryuji - slaughter, he both lives in fear of sudden acts of violence being comitted against him, since he now knows firsthand that no one will stand up for him/protect him. he also EMBODIES that fear as his reputation gets steadily worse + his aesthetic leans more and more towards delinquent culture - people start assuming he’s this really terrible, violent guy, even when he’s only ever been violent in EXTREMELY justified situations. im realising ive written about him the least even though he’s my favourite PT but honestly its bc thinking abt him in a timeline where the PT’s dont intervene/help him out of that destructive spiral makes me Impossibly Sad. compells me tho,,

ann - flesh, however this could arguably be eye as well? since i think the main Fear she both embodies + experiences is that of being other, being singled out + judged due to her appearance + mixed race. the ‘someone’s Watching and they don’t like what they see’ element of that is obviously very eye. however, because i think a lot of that fear is mostly based around the resulting dehumanisation + sexualisation (or at least it Would be if atlus could remember to write her for more than 5 minutes at a time 😔), especially when its against her will, im still leaning towards flesh. like, she feels less like a person + more like a Body for others to ogle.

yusuke - [guy who Really fucking likes the vast voice] okay so like i feel like the gimme answer here is the lonely but omg haha but wouldn’t it just be SOO crazy and silly if yusuke was the vast,, lol,,, okay but fr i don’t have as much of an explanation on this its more just like. the vibes. feeling like there’s an insurmountable Distance between him and the rest of his society, like he’s in his own world. his awakening + experiences with shadow madarame paticularly emphasise how cold + clear he feels once he distances himself from his personal relationship with the man, and sees the ‘big picture’ (how petty + greedy + evil he is). in simon fairchild’s statement he talks a lot about how what tends to separate the lonely + the vast is the lonely avatar thinks all the suffering + bad shit that’s going on is about them, in that specially depression flavour of solipism, whereas the vast knows it’s not. personally, i feel a more unhealthy yusuke (which, pretty much everyone here would need to be Going Through It to serve an entity) fits the latter, bc he doesn’t have that bedrock of ‘what i think about this Matters, and if i work hard enough my art will prove that’.

makoto - EYE. as much as i absolutely despise the idea that she’d willingly become a cop post-awakening, makoto absolutely embodies the idea of constant surveillance, someone who is constantly watching you + waiting for you to step even a single toe out of line so they can punish you. she’s also EXTREMELY occupied with her own position in the eye’s of others - is she relatable enough, is she responsible enough, humble enough, is she doing her sister + her dad + her teachers + her peers proud, etc etc. my second pick for her though would be buried, w the ‘paralysed by other’s expectations + the weight of the world’ angle, though im not sure there’s much mileage there in how she would inflict that fear on others. maybe a ‘damn that looks MISERABLE i rlly hope i don’t turn out like that’ angle?

futaba - spiral - i personally pick this over lonely for her Specifically because of the mental health motifs in her arc - struggling to process the idea that her mother could’ve been horiffically depressed and she hadn’t noticed, which spurs her into creating the false memories. she doesn’t trust the outside world, but she doesn’t trust herself either (what kind of a horrible daughter wouldn’t notice how unhappy she was making her mother?), and honestly the parts in her palace where she’s hallucinating scenes from her past In Real Life is like. her resulting fear that she might be crazy would definitely feed into the spiral process. and while i honestly i see her more as a Prime Victim of the spiral rather than an avatar out to do its bidding, considering how much Really Important Infrastructure (not to mention knowledge + records of history?) are stored online, she could gaslight the hell out of anyone online enough, even before any extra avatar bonuses. BUT OFC you’ve GOTTA give at least an honourary consideration to the buried, considering [gestures to The Literal Fucking Egyptian Tomb as her palace].

haru - now listen the version of haru okumura that lives exclusively in my mind is an absolute queen of desolation. post her father’s Literal Execution live on TV, i could really see her (figuratively, but only kinda) burning down the company in a sort of ‘he wasted our lives for this and it didn’t even save him so now im gonna do that to everyone who’s ever worked here’ kind of rampage, which would spiral on from there. but if we’re drawing from the actual textual motifs, i think it would probably have to be lonely? stranger gets an half-hearted look-in considering the general vibe of her personas (very beautiful woman ruins ur life and ur not entirely sure what her name was or What she was but either way Uh Oh), but i think lonely has the best chance. the first time you see her in a cutscene she’s separated from the rest of tokyo Actually Having A Fun Time, and looks miserable to boot. she doesn’t trust the people around her to actually value her for her, as compared to just be schmoozing her for her money/her father’s favour. no real relationships, unresolved resentment towards her father that gets worse w the guilt she’d feel for his death, etc. though i don’t think she’d go full peter lukas ‘into the void with you!’ if you tried to strike a conversation with her, i think she’d be the type to just kind of. fade away, mid conversation. make people forget about her, forget about anything other than how cold it is outside, that sort of thing.

akechi - yeah web is literally just. so inspired for him. initially id associated him with stranger, since ’17 year old media darling detective prince corners you in a dark alleyway and fucking Gets You’ is extremely stranger core, but you’re SO right that the STRONGEST fear there is of there being a bigger picture that you can’t see, motives that you can’t pick out, and the feeling that you’re playing into someone else’s hands. obviously, he does Literally All Of That to the phantom thieves pre-interrogation room, but shido is in turn doing it to him the entire time they’re working together, and ofc w yaldabaoth AND maruki in the picture akechi’s so tangled up in fucking webs he’s basically a caccoon. f in the chat.

sumi - THAT’S STRANGER BAYBEEEE. she literally just not-them’d herself with extra steps. im fucking obsessed. no sense of self, only kasumi <3 only the promise <3 only their dream <3 literally no notes top 10 ways to make yourself an avatar in a universe where the fears don’t even fucking exist. Spectacular.

BONUS: morgana - the hunt. he’s a thief and a cat. i rest my case.

saw a post that was like goro akechi is an avatar of the desolation and its not a wrong post its very right but you must understand he's also an avatar of the hunt. and the slaughter. a little bit the stranger. bit corruption or maybe lonely i haven't decided but i feel like you can only have one or the other he's also big time web coded but in the opposite of an avatar way. thanks for coming to my ted talk

[pepperpixel]

“When I get through this part, will the next one be the same?

Will I be wondering. if I’m awake?”

Hello ppl of the internet. I drew this like a week or so ago cuz I’ve had. such a strong fucking need to share this song. And how much it reminds me of my experience w the fire and the state of my life afterwords and shit. Like to uNREAL levels. Like even shit like “my clothes are wet” Is like… literally because the fire ppl dumped tons of water in my house my cLOTHES WERE WET. And that’s just a specific lil minutiae thing but! Every single line. And The entire over all feeling of the song just. Strikes such a fucking chord with me.. And originally I wanted to make a venty sorta animatic thing set to it. To illustrate that and share it with ppl.. but. Every time i tried to do it it didn’t turn out right. And then it started like. Getting me in a worse mood trying to draw my feelings and experience and stuff about it out. Like dwelling on it again after so long made it worse. Cuz it’s easier to just try and ignore how much life markedly sucks more now and just keep pushing forward. To hopefully get through it. And be normal again some day, But. I still. Idk something in my brain just wants ppl to get it. How I feel about this shit, And this song is rlly it. Like perfectly the feelings. So I made some simple little vent art. That wouldn’t take me too long or bog my brain down. That way I could finally share it with you guys.

(Also… a not so fun lil extra tidbit. I put off posting this for a bit cuz it’s kinda sketchy and shitty. But what actually has now. Gotten me to actually post it. Is!!! There was! Another fucking fire situation that happened to me yesterday. And. It was nowhere near as serious as the last one. Like. It’s all handled and my house is fine. It was just. We think it was a cigarette that one of our neighbors dropped, But. It was still!!! Upsetting! And a lot of smoke! Right up next to my house. Coming from out of the ground! And even before we saw the smoke I had been smelling a weird smokey smell the whole night before it and. That plus the actual fire made me immediately think: “There’s definitely a fire thats been going on for hours under my house. And it could be huge by now. And we’ve just disturbed it and exposed it to air. And any moment now it’s all going to go to shit! everything’s going to come crashing down again!” and. THANKFULLY THAT DIDNT HAPPEN. BUT. YEAH, that just! Kind of rattled me!!! More then just rattled me… so. I felt the urge to.. finally post this. Cuz idk.. I’m thinking about fires and shit and in a bad mood.. it felt like the right time ghgh-)