#riverdale is the only show that ever was on television

[riverdale-retread]

Riverdale re-retread with a new appreciation for Archie??

This ask gave me what can only be described as a really bad brain itch as soon as I saw it. I've had to confront the fact that I've been sleeping on Archie Andrews, and there are 137 episodes of TV for me to watch like it's new! Dunno about doing a whole manic write up of every episode like I did during the pandemic but the retread urge is fully activated.

Personal aside: I've been looking for a new show to get into, documented on my mainblog @storkmuffin (Hi everyone, this is a sideblog), and it just hasn't been working out, leading to the conclusion that, perhaps, Riverdale is actually the only tv show for me.

[beronicalongcon]

MY TOP 10 RIVERDALE MOMENTS

In honor of the most gorgeous beast of a show to ever air being put in the ground tonight, here are my top 10 Riverdale moments. It was pretty impossible to make this list because I had to leave out so many beautiful things like that time Archie got forged, that time Cheryl was Queen of the Bees, and that time he was looking for the girl next door, but instead he found me.

10. JUGHEAD MEETS THE RAT KING

Sweaty, unhinged Loser-Jughead hallucinates his literary agent appearing to him as a Dark God of sewer rats. In a bid to save his life, he offers to be the Rat King's personal storyteller, like a Riverdalien Scheherazade. Betty appears to him and guides him out of the underworld and it's revealed that he was in the hospital for RABIES, which is made one billion percent funnier by the fact that rabies is 99% fatal. This made me so happy I was literally riding the high for weeks.

9. Archie boxes Hiram in the secret speakeast while Veronica sings "Daddy Lessons" by Beyonce.

This is just one of those great Riverdale musical moments - cutting between the blood spatter and bulging muscles of Archie and Hiram's furious machismo coming to fruition and Veronica dressed in gold singing about her terrible and vital love for her insane mob boss Daddykins.

8. PSYCHO KILLER PROM NIGHT

This whole plotline is great because 1. the auteur making big, clunky comic book caricatures of the main cast and having them relive their traumas through the mode of film with all the edges sanded off is metatastic, 2. Jellybean is the coolest middle schooler ever, and 3. Psycho Killer playing at Prom Night while they all dance around Mr. Honey's corpse is just objectively great television.

7. THE FOOTBALL WAR OF UZBEKISTAN

"Haha football war" shut up this is one of the most artistically cohesive and interesting sequences in the entire series. It lays bare the twisted knot of dream logic and aestheticism that governs Riverdale's universe. "Why do all the visual cues point to Archie fighting in WWI if Riverdale is set in 2021?" Because WWI was the period where America most successfully fetishized the IMAGE and AESTHETIC of young men going to war as a MASCULINE IDEAL. "Why are they fighting on a football field?" Because football is another heavily fetishized mode of expressing American masculinity and violence as heroic. "Why is Jughead there?" Because Archie loves Jughead.

6. BERONICA KISS IN OUTER SPACE

I may not like season 7 but my URL is 'beronicalongcon', and the way this episode reminds us how Betty and Veronica are historically positioned as diametrically opposed forces vying over Archie's love before bringing them together and letting them truly see each other is really nice. Also they kiss in space to symbolize that the world of the narrative by definition cannot allow women to connect independent of men, the only way they can truly be together is by inventing a new universe that is able to hold them.

This got long so I am making another one.

[olreid]

riverdale is.. schrodinger's show? ??

lol re tags on this post i assume? this is actually alfie @hypokeimena's phrase #alfiepilled and literally just means that he does not watch the show but does watch us watch the show and so always at any time any plot point or series of events is possible because riverdale exists in a state of totipotency right up until the moment of viewing the footage to see what actually happened which again he crucially never does.

HOWEVER i have adopted this phrase into my own riverdale lexicon because i think it helps to get at something which is usually kind of difficult to articulate about riverdale's method. riverdale, more than your typical tv program, IS a show where anything can happen, and that quality has not changed or diminished over the course of its run. typically, in tv, as you build out the world and the characters, you become better able to predict what will happen next; the window of probable events grows smaller, even if only slightly. people pair off, foreclosing other relationships; they pick a career, choosing one life over other possible lives they might have lived. even shocking plot twists are operating under a set of basic rules that govern how the setting and the genre operate such that the overarching parameters of what is possible in the world don't change. but not so in riverdale! it's not committed to the sanctity of its own canon, which frees the team up to create a show that reminds me more of a collage; different narrative pieces get swapped around to see what kinds of meanings they might produce with very little preciousness about continuity or canonicity compared to other programs. different storylines are repeated by filtering them through new genres to see what emerges. season 7's premise is a perfect example of this!

the other thing about riverdale that makes it schrodinger's show to me is that it is always operating on multiple registers of reality simultaneously, so that any number of things might be happening at once depending on how you're reading it. for example, in the season 3 g&g plot, many episodes are framed by games of g&g that precisely mirror real-world events going on concurrently in town, e.g. jughead accurately describing archie's prison break as it's happening even though he's not physically there. maybe this is just an extradiegetic narrative device; maybe particular characters are omniscient or psychic in some way; maybe the game itself has powers that allow it to shape the world or the story; maybe riverdale itself only has a certain number of pre-set stories that it can tell. the list could go on. the point is that all of these are equally likely; riverdale does not privilege realism or groundedness, really the opposite, but neither does it often confirm for certain that something supernatural is happening. rather, the viewer is left to interpret for themselves; to choose between these options if they want, or perhaps instead to hold them all simultaneously. indeed, riverdale never forces you to pick, to narrow it down; in riverdale, more than any other show i've ever watched, you can have everything you want, and you can have it all at once, because there is no definitive reality, which means everything is pretty much equally (un)real. the cw is pioneering quantum television and we're here to witness it! what a time to be alive!!!

[wallbeatjournal]

Have you ever noticed there are loads of surface level plot similarities between the pilots of riverdale and dawsons creek. Also mr honey is the actor who played jack and greg berlanti worked on both projects. Just a topic i used to like to think about a lot….

yes yes yes omg yes!! sibling shows!! and this is intentional for sure, i was looking at articles about riverdale from pre-series (circa 2015-16) yesterday to cite the perks of being a wallflower movie as a core inspiration for s1 and roberto mentioned dawson's creek regularly, too. actually way before the twin peaks pastiche started getting promoted, dawson's and perks were coming up.

it's really really wonderfully apparent if you're into the gay-auteur genre of teen dramas or the intersection between teen dramas and gay horror media. dawson's creek ran so riverdale could soar (lean in even harder on genre-archetype-and-trope-as-social-construct, not be hung up by don't-ask-don't-tell era tv writing restrictions...except by choice for queerbaiting fun and spite). and even failing to soar, dawson's creek season 2 might remain a perfect season of television for me.

(note for the readers who aren't operating in the 5th dimension like me and anon, yet: kevin williamson made our favorite genre-aware homoerotic slasher movie, scream, and dawson's creek both, and the only functional difference between them is what genre conventions he was allowed to play with to make it. in scream he got to have his repressed closet cases do murder. in dawson's creek, dawson must pick up the camera and make his friends into Characters, instead.)

dawson's creek and riverdale are suuuuch spiritually similar shows, at least the parts of DC that williamson was involved with - so for sure seasons 1-2, and then his comeback many seasons later for the finale (which i think the riverdale finale also riffed on heavily. mwah). you've got:

the original controversial "teenagers don't fucking talk like this omg cringe" ft. heightened theatrical hyperstylized dialogue full of movie references

comphet camp. no character is truly coherent unless you pepper in the fact that they're lgbt and repressing it as hard as they can. barchie, meet dawson/joey. it sucks here sooo bad but it's certainly in the social script and legacy expectations. might try to make it last a lifetime!

meta plot about the whole show possibly being the creation of the most repressed and judgmental (and asexual) control freak main character. plus many in-universe metaplots where said character makes autobiographical work romanticizing/projecting all over his friends

titular location (riverdale, the creek) is both a story setting AND a narrative mousetrap that the characters are trapped in.

there are tons of direct DC<>rvd plot and character riffs and web-weaves. like anon mentioned, principal honey really does play like a later-in-life continuation of kerr smith's role as jack in dawson's creek, with dawson creek jack's values and beliefs. most of the s1 rvd characters make more sense in the context of dawson's creek archetypes, too (especially jughead, veronica, kevin imo). many plots seem yanked off a teen drama tropes bingo card that dawson's creek filled out for them (complimentary!!!!).

they also both just have a really similar character writing approach to their campy genre pulp. the shows are very arch and into their coding games and doublespeak, the text is a fluid thing never taken too seriously or held too dearly. but the characters are nearly always treated earnestly and with love, we're allowed to grow so fond of them as an audience bc the narrative is one of love (sometimes an oppressive love full of meta-projections from its unreliable narrator-creator, but LOVE!!). it's a priority that while the weird tropey shit is happening, we still really are allowed to care about how it feels to be archie or pacey or jen or betty, and the emotional repercussions of any weird tropey happenings are carried through fairly consistently*. dawson is THE WORST. but he's beloved. he's vivid. he's coherent. his feelings are wrong but they're real and we do care. we do!! we must!!

anyway. you made me go back and look at posts from when i went back and rewatched dawson's creek in 2022. here's an assortment of random hot takes and fawning fond adorationisms, if you even care. look at my closeted friends from the creek. they're stuck like this!

PS: i made a list one time of the 6 essential dawson's creek episodes (i would add the 2-part whole series finale to this list in retrospect, so 8 episodes total) that one could watch out-of-context to open their <understanding gay-auteur camp teen drama comphet-lamenting queer-coding tropes and conventions> third eye. it's here on my personal blog! most recommend the daddy/mommy issues fishing trip ep (parent<>child dynamics and gender...riveressentials) and the gay two-parter (principal honey!!).

PPS: @kevin-keller-artistic-director used to post about rvd and dawson's creek semi regularly and probably would have great thoughts about this topic beyond what i just dredged up <3 also interested if anyone else wants to riff on the topic of riverdale as a successor/sibling to dawson's creek 👀

*pacey's CSA plot (DEROGATORY) a notable exception to this. but that's because dawson's creek isn't trying to depict abuse, it's trying to do a queer closet metaphor, where "being in high school but dating an adult woman" is the same as "having a same-sex relationship with a peer" in terms of secrecy and shame and social impact...just NO thought to power dynamics or trauma AT ALL. it's basically the kevin/moose plot from riverdale and pacey is impacted by it like kevin is. gross!!!!

[ericeffiorg]

it’s taken me 3 seasons to realise this but the only people on ted lasso that are allowed genuinely complicated stories are the white characters and it’s been the case the whole time, this third season just kind of confirmed it.

as nice as sam’s story felt, it was really nothing more than surface level and just felt like a replica of what we’ve already seen in the media. portraying real stories is what can makes television really compelling, but when the televised story is basically a cut and paste of a news article or a documentary without giving the characters depth and long-term storytelling, then what is the point? it was a surface level story to get the clicks and the viral moments that can capture the heart of people who watch a random clip on tiktok or twitter and don’t need any more context, because there isn’t really much else needed. unlike the build up of jamie and roy’s hug, ted’s panic attack, keeley’s first kiss with a woman, or ted being betrayed by nate, sam’s story can literally be chopped up into a single clip at a time and no more context is needed to get what’s going on because it really wasn’t given any detailed aspects. and to be honest that’s what sam’s character has been this entire time.

the notion of the show is to fight evil with kindness and that works when your friend is being mean to you or your mentee betrays you like it is with ted’s stories. but it doesn’t work that way with someone like sam. his role in the show since the beginning has been “the good immigrant” that fights violence with kindness, despite being confronted with more violence than anyone on the show. he was told to stop speaking about his people by the prime minister and his restaurant was vandalised, yet it only made up to no more than a 1/3 of the episode. other much less important moments had more screentime in an episode that depicted a very real scenario that we literally saw happen a year ago. and even then, ted got to interrupt his moment with his dad and steal the shine, and then it was made about the entire team coming together rather than the deadly discrimination against immigrants and violent racism.

the people of colour on this show are only really used for quick gags and to show that men can be silly and goofy too and to have a big middle finger to toxic masculinity - which in turn is kind of just repeats the same toxic masculinity points because other than jamie and roy, the other men’s “anti toxic masculinity” messages are just covered in humour and never taken seriously. isaac’s journey to becoming the captain of richmond was all about roy and we never really saw his point of view other than a few scenes. and then it felt rushed. dani is just like sam, except the only time he ever speaks is to have a funny moment where his kindness is the butt of the joke. and even though he’s not a person of colour, colin’s coming out story has been so incredibly surface level that i don’t even know why they bothered to do it. nothing new was given, it was just a white man in the closet who has a boyfriend and gets caught. you can describe his story to a stranger and they could probably find it done on riverdale but with more screentime.

and nate’s redemption arc is about a white woman finally seeing him as a human despite the fact that he was never actually mean to her and just wanted to please his parents in a place he never really felt welcome. he was horrible to ted and richmond, but that jade lady was horrible to him from the get-go and we’re now supposed to see this as very sweet and sentimental.

the show is written for white audiences and doesn’t do anything daring, and i feel like it never actually did. maybe it was because it premiered during such a dark time and it was nice to see grown men in typically toxic environments be the opposite, but i don’t think the show is nearly as clever or as groundbreaking as it has gotten the credit for.

[mrsreinhart]

Lili Reinhart - Grazia Italia Interview

In the cult TV series Riverdale we met her as an always fearless heroine, often forced to confront others and with herself. But even in real life American actress Lili Reinhart, 26, has often found herself having to look within to overcome difficulties.

At 14, when she was already determined to pursue a career in acting, she was diagnosed with a form of depression. Very young, she went through anxiety attacks and various kinds of difficulties, not least that body dysmorphic disorder that leads her to see herself differently from others and to suffer from some physical characteristics that she perceives in a distorted way.

Reinhart has therefore become the champion of the battles for mental health and for the acceptance of different types of beauty. She didn't hesitate to expose herself even to a global celebrity like the queen of social networks Kim Kardashian: the actress found that losing so much weight and in a short time to get into a dress that belonged to Marilyn Monroe was not a good example for her women who have difficulty accepting their body.

At the Women in Film Gala 2022, Lili then received the Max Mara Face of the Future award, dedicated to emerging actresses. «My family», declared Maria Giulia Prezioso Maramotti, «has built a company that honors and celebrates women, above all in the arts. We wanted to award the prize to a young artist who embodies our values, but who is still evolving. What Lili is going in is an excellent direction to follow.

I meet Reinhart in Los Angeles, while she's curled up in the make-up artist's chair for Grazia's fashion shoot that you see in these pages. She remains seated for a long time with her legs pulled up to her chest, a position that evokes the tenderness of a little girl. But she talks to me about serious topics and does it with honesty and depth, even when it comes to revealing the most intimate aspects of her life. She became a global celebrity thanks to the character of Betty Cooper in the TV series Riverdale, which reached its seventh season.

Do vou ever think that the success of this role has somehow slowed down your career as an actress?

I am grateful to Riverdale for everything it has brought me. If I'm sitting here with her now, it's because of the success of the show. But at some point in life, it's time to move on."

Do you feel that you have something to prove to others or to yourself?

I've been acting since I was 12, l've come a long way since then, but I think I haven't yet fulfilled my potential. And this is a challenge for myself. I want the actors who inspire me to talk about me, I want to go far and deserve it. For the past seven years, I've been doing a teen show, Riverdale, with a style that isn't necessarily. what i prefer. But Riverdale it has been incredibly successful and takes up practically all my time, so it has been difficult for me to seize other opportunities

Have you had to make many job cuts?

Last spring I was offered a role that I wanted to play with all my heart, but unfortunately the dates did not reconcile with the filming of the show. It was devastating to say no.

What was she like as a child? Did you imagine that when you grew up?

| was an introvert, I lived in my own little world and I always felt a bit isolated. I think I have an old soul, with my peers I felt like a fish out of water and I didn't quite understand which was the right place for me. Just yesterday I was talking to my mother about when I enjoyed dressing up as a child. We had a box full of costumes we'd collected over the years, I even changed three times a day. I put on plays and plays for my family, I always wanted to perform. So, in the end, I moved on to the theater up to television and cinema.

Was performing a way of expressing yourself?

Some people are naturally outgoing, funny. I felt I could only be by performing. I was very insecure and acting gave me the opportunity to explore sides of my personality that I would not have known otherwise.

And i also brought out a very intimate and vulnerable side by writing a book of poems, Swimming Lessons: Poems ("Swimming lessons: poems").

Yes, it was a time in my life when I felt like I wanted to. to do something that came exclusively from me and over which I had total creative control. I was very nervous at first, because it was a bit like sharing a diary with people who were ready to judge it and judge me. As an actress I feel safe, as a writer I don't: hence the negative comments on mine. book strengthened my fears. I know that no one would have paid attention to my poems if Lili the actress hadn't signed them, but I never had the claim. to establish myself as a writer. I'm a romantic and I just wanted to share a different side of me.

Don't you think maybe you're too hard on yourself?

I internalize a lot, especially the criticisms. After all, poetry is the way I express my emotions. What I wanted to convey was not, "Look at me, I'm a writer." | wanted to tell the people who follow me that I am an absolutely normal human being: I have feelings, insecurities, I struggle and face life's challenges just like anyone else.

She has often spoken about her insecurities, especially physical ones, and is a spokesperson for the "body positivity" for the acceptance of all physicalities. Do you remember the first time dysmorphia, a disorder you suffer from,presented itself?

I have an average build and, when I began to get to know the world of fashion and clothes better, I met models with very different physiques from mine. There have been times when the clothes they offered just didn't fit me. So I said to myself: "Why don't I have a smaller physique?". When a dress designed for someone two sizes smaller than you doesn't fit, you start to think you're wrong and you have to do something to fit the clothes. But in a young woman these thoughts can hurt a lot.

I recently Today, however, she sees her photos everywhere. What does it feel? She likes herself?

I talked about this with my therapist. In fact, I feel like i live in a sort of perpetual comparison with other, more glamorous versions of myself. I started acting as a child and learned that my body is always changing. Today I accept myself more and judge myself less, however Hollywood doesn't want you to get old and puts pressure on you for it. Don't you think it's crazy that at 26 | worry about not having the same face as when I was 19? Of course I don't have it! Even the one in these photos is certainly a more beautiful version of me: I'm not like this every day. Constantly having to show a better image of ourselves can play tricks on us, because it can make us believe that our everyday version is not enough.

And how does she find a way to get everyone along these versions of itself?

I can't, they don't get along. There is my everyday self that reminds Lili of the glamor that looks like this only if she is surrounded by professionals who they make up and comb her hair. But I'm making peace with the fact that first I have to learn to be okay with each version of me. For example, I now have an acne breakout. Who sees them? Acne has always triggered severe mental and emotional distress in me. It makes me feel bad and makes it difficult for me to appear in public or take pictures without makeup because I know my skin would otherwise look different than everyone expects. Instead I should think that a rash doesn't take anything away from me, it doesn't define me. It's always me. Unfortunately it's a constant struggle: I live in a world that demands perfection and, at times, I think I've begun to demand it too. But then I think that everything happens for a reason and maybe the reason why acne always shows up on my face is because I have to learn to love every season my skin and my body go through because that's right. I'm a human being, not a mannequin.

I couldn't help but notice the tattoo on her right forearm: an arrow.

I did it around 18, 19. It represents my battle against depression: an arrow can only go forward if it is first pulled back. It's like saying that, once you hit rock bottom, you can only go back up.

In which direction is it pointing then?

Forward, always. My mental health has its ups and downs and this arrow reminds me that I always manage to get out of it, because I'm a tireless fighter.

But, during this fight, I hope she takes moments to appreciate what she has achieved.

I appreciate my battles, it is thanks to them that I am such a strong person. I wouldn't change anything about me. Having had the experience of depression leads me to experience moments of joy more intensely and makes me establish healthier and deeper relationships. The moments of discouragement have taught me so much about myself and it is right that I experience them and face them when they arise, rather than trying to escape.

She was cast as the Max Mara Face of the Future. How does this recognition make you feel?

It's a complicated feeling to explain. It's hard for me to accept that people see me this way. I almost feel like I have imposter syndrome, because I don't think I've shown my worth as an actress yet. I have exposed myself as an activist for body positivity and mental health, but in my work I think I haven't given my best yet. I'm waiting for that opportunity, which is on the horizon, but l'm waiting. So to receive the award before I've even been able to demonstrate what I think I can do as an actress is very encouraging. And I'm grateful because this recognition makes me understand that l'm already doing something good.

-Credit to lililovebots on Twitter for posting the interview.

[laylakeating]

CREATIONS FROM EVERY MONTH OF 2023! (except october but we're not going to talk abt that !!)

Post your favourite and most popular post from each month this year (it’s okay to skip months).

i was tagged by two of the Most talented girlies in the world !! @saw-x and @taiturner ILYYYYY ty for sharing what your brilliant minds came up with this year !!!

JANUARY

MOST POPULAR: britt + karma !! i had so much fun with this set and it was honestly such a good way to start off the year !! FAVOURITE: probably that same set !! also the glee icons pack i made :D

FEBRUARY

MOST POPULAR: from my blog, britt + mike in 207 shsjhs. from teen dramas, brooke in 207 (one of my fave looks of hers) (this was clearly a month for the seventh episodes in second seasons ??) FAVOURITE: barchie + high infidelity for barchiesource !! something a bit different for me creatively but ugh i love it. also glee 514 for gleesource !! again something a lil different !!

MARCH

MOST POPULAR: riverdale returning to television and proving it takes the cake as the funniest show in the world (another rvd is iconic and beyond reproach set for 701) FAVOURITE: a banger month for creative sets !! basically everything i made for barchie week, this unholy trinity MASTERPIECE i made for gleesource, and this djats set + destiny, choice, chance

APRIL

MOST POPULAR: my favourite scene from djats for djats week in green bc apparently i like to make things hard for myself ?? who knew FAVOURITE: again. SO MANY. another month another appreciation week shsjhs. anyway all the sets i made for djats week, more sets for gleesource including santana + valerie and mercedes and santana + river deep mountain high, my santana lesbian visibility set, hsmtmts + tarot cards which took me wayyyy too long to finish, rvd ladies + barbie posters (50s edition), and barchie in 701 for barchiesource in RED (very proud of how it turned out considering i hate giffing in red)

MAY

MOST POPULAR: quinn + tropes for glee appreciation week !! FAVOURITE: everything i made for glee week (there were quite a few bangers), my 2 9-1-1 sets shjshsj - maddie + you first (a banger) and madney + paper rings (another banger), also the first (and only rip) set in my layla episodes series (layla + 101), and this jordayla + proposal foreshadowing i did over on jordayla gifs !!

JUNE

MOST POPULAR: this halle bailey set <33 FAVOURITE: once again. everything i made for all american appreciation week !!! special shout outs to layla + the eras tour and the layla set i made for day 1 !!

JULY

MOST POPULAR: nancy + the wizard of oz horror (that makes sense i swear) FAVOURITE: the aforementioned nancy set, also stancy + persuasion, the little mermaid live action and the quote that made me insane for a few weeks, layla + the lip pout she does (she's adorable), AND last but certainly not least, this pride and prejudice edit which was just nothing like i have ever done before that i LOVEDDDD

AUGUST

MOST POPULAR: ashlyn + giving maddox mouth to mouth (her delivery of AS A FRIEND still sends me into orbit) FAVOURITE: HSMTMTS MONTH BABEYYYYY !! fave sets include (but are not limited to there are too many) gina for hsmtmts week, fave songs (also for hsmtmts week), rina + maybe this time + motion blur (THIS TOOK ME WAY TOO LONG BTW), this antoine set bc he is an icon, madlyn + daylight (still a serve), rina + invisible string (to this day the most insane thing i have ever made), hsmtmts + a meme summary (just your regularly unhinged content honestly), and this jet/maddox set <33

SEPTEMBER

MOST POPULAR: this cinderella 1950 set in pink/blue <3 FAVOURITE: okay so we have ej playing cupid/being a love prophet HSJHSJ, TWO icon packs, one for olivia rodrigo and one for lexie grey, and also the britt + her love for my headband set bc it was the only other thing i made in september and i was worried it'd get lonely

OCTOBER

MOST POPULAR: apparently you have to post something for it to be popular FAVOURITE: i made many sets in my mind dw

NOVEMBER

MOST POPULAR: blair looking excellent (as always) for teendramas !! FAVOURITE: finn + bigger than the whole sky (part of my glee midnights series) (a true labour of love) (still obsessed with it btw)

DECEMBER

MOST POPULAR: percy !!!! for pjosource FAVOURITE: everything i made for 12 days of rina (there are only 5 days rip), and OF COURSE, to round the year off with a bang, the extraordinarily belated 2k celebration set for justine, AKA dair + midnights !!!!!!!!!

tagging some beloveds <3 @alinaastarkov, @jordanlayla, @katherines, @kayascodelorio, @perccyjackson, @yenvengerberg !!

[uglygirlstatus]

what would you recommend I watch after riverdale now…I have nothing…it was the only show

No literally it was the only show…. Truly nothing else compares or will ever compare.

THAT SAID. WATCH DEGRASSI: THE NEXT GENERATION (and its sequel series Degrassi Next Class. You could also watch the original Degrassi series from the 80s but I haven’t watched those so can’t vouch for them). there are like 400 episodes so it’ll keep you busy. The Degrassi franchise invented teen drama. It’s obviously more grounded than Riverdale and has a majorly different feel since the actors are all teens but Degrassi is my other television best friend. It also has really off the rails storylines that still have strong emotional heart and beautiful amazing delightful characters. Also Fiona Coyne ran so Cheryl Blossom could fly (mean crazy rich girl to lesbian pipeline with dubious means to acquiring wealth and hijinks related to organs and questionable relations to her twin brother.) if you’re in Canada I think all eps are still free on YouTube and I think it’s free on Pluto elsewhere.

otherwise I also recommend Yellowjackets. I know there are people who scoff and roll their eyes at Riverdale yet love Yellowjackets and they’re wrong I think they are kindred spirits in many ways. Also Doctor Curdle Jr and Donna Sweett are there in both shows. I know some people got bored of yj partway thru and tbh I think bingeing it does it a disservice and makes it feel draggy so take ur time

in a completely different vein I also recommend Derry Girls bc it’s one of my fave shows ever. It’s like if Always Sunny were all teenage girls in 1990s Ireland

[veronicalodgefaghag]

i cannot stop thinking about them playing the beginning of the first episode like four times in that episode and then playing that song at the end. it felt like such a gesture of love not just for the show but for the fans. I only started watching last march, a little over a year ago, but that episode is so important to me: besides all the best episodes of early ‘90s sitcom A Different World which was my go-to show as a pre-teen, I don’t know if i’ve seen any television more than that pilot, when I’ve shown it to my friends, when i’ve been sad, though I do think season 3 is the best season of tv maybe ever, i’ve always put on that pilot when i needed it or was filled with love for riverdale!!

[mariedemedicis]

you know what? this is probably because i just finished listening to the notacast episode on eddard i and they were talking about how king’s landing feels so lived in, like there’s so much going on before ned even shows up there that it feels like a real place.

i mean quality of writing aside obvi but why does it seem like the only people effected by jason’s absence in riverdale were his immediate family and polly (and okay, fp and joaquin, but they were effected moreso by his actual death than his absence). yes, there’s reggie with one line about how they’ve lost the best quarterback they ever had (which, sidenote: reggie you’re a sophomore, what are you even talking about). i partially chalk this up to the weird framing where jason seems to be both older than cheryl/polly’s age and cheryl’s twin. (why cheryl has to be the same age as betty and why they didn’t split the difference and have betty as a sophomore, the blossom twins as juniors, and polly as a senior, i’ll never know)

like we’re led to believe he was popular and well-liked. who were his friends? moose? probably not reggie based on his incredibly insensitive comments towards jughead. chuck clayton?

before jason and polly got serious, did he date anyone else? did anyone hate him? did anyone have a crush on him? which teachers liked him? which didn’t? what was his relationship like to coach clayton? what his relationship like with cheryl’s friends (ginger, tina, and josie)? with polly*’s?

even the playbook i don’t think connected him to any girls besides polly.

what was his personality?

we don’t need answers to all these questions but we do need answers to some.

like yes, of course jason exists to die but compare him to other types of dead before canon characters (rhaegar targaryen, beth childs, lilly kane) and jason comes up looking very hollow. he doesn’t have to be knowable but he should be a hole in the tapestry and isn’t really.

*polly doesn’t have any friends her own age either!!! this drives me crazy in television btw. everyone has to be the same age or has no friends inexplicably.

[lesbianrobin]

Do you have any TV show recommendations

my #1 tv show recommendation is to watch the challenge. i literally never cared about competition reality shows besides antm and now i am Obsessed because the challenge is perhaps the greatest show of our generation. i beg of you to watch this compilation video it captures the overall spirit of the show So well and it's also hilarious.

if you want recommendations on which season to start with PLEASE send me another ask, or ask sarah @steveharrington she's the expert.

ok now other shows ❤️ i'm not gonna mention shows like succession that are super big on tumblr or well-known prestige television like breaking bad or the sopranos because i'm sure you've already seen plenty of people recommending those yknow? so yeah.

cowboy bebop (anime). the live action does not exist to me. anyway. cowboy bebop is sci-fi. it's western. it's jazz. it's comedy. it's tragedy. it's about love and identity and bounty hunting and a little corgi. there's a reason why it's often called one of the greatest anime of all time. this kinda violates my no reccing super popular shows rule but i think people who don't watch much anime may not be familiar with cowboy bebop so i figured i have a duty to the people.

the get down. i wholeheartedly believe that the get down is the greatest thing netflix has ever produced and it's a goddamn tragedy that it was canceled, but what does exist is just. incredible. it's about the rise of rap and hip-hop, the death of disco, and struggling to figure out identity and the meaning of success in the bronx in the 1970s. created & produced by baz lurhmann, the show incorporates archival footage of new york and real people with fictional narratives in a truly masterful way. it's absolutely gorgeous. the music is fucking fantastic. it's So worth watching and i wish that it had gotten the same hype as other netflix shows like st, oitnb, etc.

speaking of netflix. american vandal. if the get down is the best thing netflix has ever produced, american vandal is a very close second, and i could honestly be persuaded to swap their places, but ANYWAY. it's a mockumentary wherein a kid named peter and his best friend sam attempt to solve the mystery of who spray-painted twenty-seven dicks on twenty-seven cars in the staff parking lot at their high school. it's one of the funniest shows i've ever seen, and also the only show i've ever found to be accurate to the contemporary teenage experience. it's also like... insanely accurate as a parody and critique of real true crime documentaries. also if you're following me you're probably an st fan, and eduardo franco (argyle!!) is in american vandal as well, if that motivates you any more.

xena: warrior princess. it's the best show of all time and also the worst show of all time. everything that people say about shows like supernatural and glee and riverdale? xena did that shit back in the 90s, they did it better, and they did it with lesbians. they did it with swords. they did it with aphrodite. they did it with leather and whips and clones and reincarnation and true love's kiss. please watch xena.

community. if you haven't watched community idk what you're doing with your life to be quite honest. just watch it already.

GLOW. attention all tumblrinas who like messy complicated stupid mean scheming sexy women. you will fucking love glow. sorry i'm recommending so many netflix shows but i can't Not mention glow on here it would be a betrayal of my lesbianism. it is about sexy women wrestling. it's got blood. it's got tits. it's got storytelling. it's got 80s music. it's got fucking your best friend's husband as a means of feeling closer to her. yellowjackets fans i'm looking at you. watch glow.

ghosts (bbc). not cbs. dear god not cbs. bbc. but yeah ghosts is a sitcom about a young couple who suddenly inherit an old home (manor? thing? man i don't fuckin know english aristocracy stuff) full of ghosts. it's a fun, simple premise, and some parts of the show can be corny, but the actors sell it so well that it's just a pleasure to watch. if you're into sitcoms, i think it's worth giving ghosts a shot!

that's it for now i don't want this to get super long ❤️ thank u for asking!! also sorry if this wasn't what you expected from me lmao. OH ALSO watch the muppet show. like the OG 1970s muppet show. shit slaps.

[riverdale-retread]

Riverdale s7 e1

There is a lot of commentary about whether the show is bad or good, and among those who hold that it's bad, a debate about whether said badness is intentional (It's camp! It's satire! It's  commentary on culture and/or our times!) or brought about from a lack of talent or planning by the producers, writers and/or actors.

What I say is this - I love the care with which Riverdale is made.  Starting with the S7 opening sequence!!

Archie’s painted hot rod is shown, then as the song plays Archie spins into view, his face framed in a little circle. He's doing something with his eyebrows. His smile is just a little off. Not a LOT off. Just off.  Immediately after that we see him press a kiss to Mary Andrews' cheek. We know it's all wrong because Mary Andrews is wary of the violence of this son that she regrets mothering and can't wait to get rid of.  They are not this affectionate.

Next up is Betty Cooper, short hair in the cutest ringlets, smiling sweetly, looking wholesome.  Betty Cooper found the pressure to be sweetly wholesome unbearably suffocating all six seasons of this show.  Immediately after her is Veronica with the most spectacular bangs,  looking pretty and hard and insincere.  These are things that Veronica hates to be thought of as.  

Then comes Cheryl, severely annoyed to be there, giving an evil eyed false smile.  Assuming arguendo that this is Jughead as world-maker as well as narrator, the fact that Cheryl gets to have a do-over of her intro in the montage, a doubling-up if you will, is noteworthy.  Everyone else gets the one shot in the juke box, but Cheryl gets a twofer, wearing the Lolita-Grundy sunglasses and pouting over the door of a great looking convertible. Kevin, looking gormless is up next and it makes me feel worried. Toni Topaz is looking ultra heterosexual with her long ponytail up-do. She winks at the  audience.  This is not edgy Serpent Queen Toni at all. But she and Veronica both look spectacular with bangs.  Tabitha in white cats’ eye glasses and white gloves, blows a kiss to the audience, looking sheltered and innocent when we all know she's a weirdo and not above cosplaying a truck stop hooker to catch a killer.  

The only person who looks like "himself" is Jughead, who comes last.  Worried, frantic, concerned and unhappy - basically, fail-adult Jughead without Tabitha.  Poor Jughead.

The year, he says, is 1955 and apparently people didn't mind when couples executed complicated dances involving swirling skirts inside a diner where people are trying to eat.  Jughead is narrating as he clatters away on a huge typewriter at the Diner.  Apparently the patrons don't mind that either. Does he keep it there?  Did he commandeer the one in the office?? Does he haul it around??

As Jughead narrates, speculating about where he is - Not sure if he's in the past or the past of an alternate universe -  he speaks faster and more frantically, sounding more and more like Bunker Jughead of Rivervale.  He tries to sound unhappy about living in a railcar with Hot Dog (". . . which actually tracks" sighhhh) but we all know he's relieved he's not homeless and couch surfing. Having a dog and a residence of his own is more stability than he's had since graduating high school and before Jabitha began cohabitation.

They're all juniors in high school again!  Betty and Kevin holding hands down the hallway, Betty in excellent patterned pants with eyes only for Kevin who won't look at her.  Jughead looks at the two of them with an expression of suppressing in indigestion burp but neither notice him.  Jughead is worried for Betty, all the time, nonstop, in every universe.  Plus Bughead were the horniest little fuckers in any high school on American television ever, and so the fact of Betty dating a gay man worries Jughead.  He doesn’t want to have sex with her anymore, yet Jughead wants Betty to have good things.  And Jughead has never liked Kevin much, but he’s worried for Kevin too. Betty wasn’t and isn’t a girl who takes not getting her way with grace.

Cheryl still has a twin brother, but she is completely not at all in love with this one.  The face she makes is not of a girl dominating the halls of her high school with her soulmate.  Jughead feels very similar about this iteration of a Boy Blossom, noting first and foremost that this kiddo is Cheryl’s twin, then second that he is not Jason, before introducing us to his actual name: Julian.

Julian like the possessed doll, the chimera twin that got eaten by Cheryl in the womb, etc, that Julian. Who actually knew this Julian name, other than Toni?  

Jughead’s thoughts turn directly from Cheryl to Not-Jason to Reggie then on to Archie.  This is the first of several pings back to earlier seasons, which I am sure I’m not going to be able to catch in a perfect way.  But!  Reggie and Jason were constantly in each other’s company in Jughead’s hallucinatory reminiscences of Jason during S1, even though Reggie barely ever mentioned Jason, and Cheryl has never been shown actually discussing Jason with either Reggie 1.0 or 2.0.

The key thing that Jughead notices about Archie is his body, in the same way the key thing he notices about Julian is that he is not Jason.  Archie being wholesome enough to kiss his mom on the cheek goodbye every morning being into body building in 1955 is very progressive (and gay) of him, isn’t it?  That sort of muscular build was still sort of a niche thing, I thought.

Jughead has been frowning at all these people for quite a while, long enough to confirm that they have no recollection of their S6 selves.  He hasn’t seen Tabitha, who he helpfully explains is chronokinetic and the town’s literal guardian angel AND his girlfriend.

Just in time, Pop Tate announces that the bus from Mississippi has arrived.  Tabitha, looking very sad, is accompanied by Toni, equally sad, and a third person, who I assumed was Chuck even though the actor has changed because that wouldn’t be Munroe.  Sadness from having to witness an act of racial injustice and hatred makes people move in slow motion into the Diner.

Jughead watches Tabitha slowly walk past him before he calls her name.  The way he says “Tabitha” is so cautious, because she might reject any conversation with the guy wearing a bulky sweater with the S stamped on it AND a felt crown making very loud tappity tap noises at her grandfather’s diner, and hopeful, because maybe they’re friends, and maybe hearing Jughead will make this Tabitha remember season 6.  The guarded, questioning response he gets from her makes Jughead change tack fast, to discuss the Emmett Till hearing verdict as something he heard “on the radio.”   When Jughead says the verdict made him “sick to my stomach” Tabitha frowns slightly, wary of where he might go with this, perhaps.   Tabitha saying that she and her friends are trying to figure out what they should do next, Jughead isn’t even breathing.  He’s watching her so hard, so hopeful that Tabitha will give him some hint that she knows this is the wrong universe, and so worried she might not.

When she asks him to confirm that his name is Jughead in a way that indicates they aren’t even friends in this universe, Jughead is so hurt that his drops out of his careful, speak-in-full-sentences 1950s speech, and stutters.  His eyes get much, much sadder, right before he says it’s overwhelming and heartbreaking.  He looks like he might cry.   Poor Jughead.  

The cruelty of his fate is astounding.  He was a kid who was left behind and rejected by his mother, let to live homeless by his father, rejected by Fred Andrews, routinely forgotten by his girlfriend during what he thought of as their shared childhood memories, and now, the singularly stable adult friendship and relationship of his life is like it never existed.  Jughead Jones is someone who hasn’t ever been without a girlfriend, it seems since starting one with Betty Cooper, but now when he needs a relationship the most, Tabitha literally doesn’t know him.

Simply because Tabitha Tate doesn’t know him, Jughead hates everything about the 1950s. (Whoever said the 1950s was the greatest decade should have their head examined, he deadpans.)

Archie is trying to skip out of the house when Mary calls to him.  Archie grimaces so hard at his mother’s summons that I can see it through the back of his head.  This did give me a small twinge of hope that maybe he does remember S1-6, and that Archie is putting on this wholesome teenager act, same as Jughead, until he can figure out what’s going on.  He puts on an evidently false face of doe-eyed innocence when he gets it together to go talk to his mother. He’s literally never made that face before in the past six years.

Mary Andrews is very upset about the photos of James Dean’s car accident in the papers, so she confiscates the keys to Archie’s “hotrod” with “fire painted on its sides.” Archie tries to talk his way out of this but fails.  He longingly looks at his “barely above a jalopy” vehicle before turning to face the reality of having to take a very old looking bicycle to school.

Archie has never been this cute to me. His little face!   Then he’s peddling uphill, getting honked at, and so mad .  Just, adorable.  I wanna give him a cookie.   He gets to school just in time.

Meanwhile, Betty in her very excellent 1950s pants is sitting with Toni in the Blue and Gold room.  Her sweater says Betty on it in a curly font.  With her short blonde curls framing her sweet face Betty looks picture perfect. She and Toni both have such enormous eyes that I keep getting distracted from the serious topic they are discussing - how to get past the school censors to properly cover the Emmett Till travesty.  When Betty says she will throw her weight behind getting the story told, Toni smiles at her in a small cheek scrunching way that she’s never done before.  She looks amazing, by the way - the bangs, the big hoop earrings, the scarf /headband thing in her hair, the Southside Serpent Jeans jacket.

Cut to a class where a 1950s tv announcer voice is explaining what a mill is (a souped up hot rod or jalopy) in a film the class are watching  when the principal (Warden Norton repurposed as Principal Featherhead!) bursts in to make an announcement.  Archie is wearing an R sweater, with Jughead in the S sweater seated nearby.

What do these mean??

Veronica make an iconic entrance, complete with heralding blues horns.  Yellow heels, yellow belt, black dress with white polka dots, black purse,  sunglasses, big black sunhat trimmed with the same fabric as her dress, and red lips.  Lace gloves with little black polka dots.

OMG SHE LOOKS SO HOT.

I want this whole thing.  I make a vow to only wear yellow heels with black dresses.

Archie, getting his first look, drops his pencil.  (Kevin, right behind him, has no reaction whatsoever.)  Jughead, Tabitha-less, looks constipated as he notes:  “Damn.”

Girl, that’s what I said!

With everyone else in some sort of sweater or jacket, buttoned up to the neck, Veronica’s plunging neckline and sleeveless dress makes her look practically naked.   She’s a Hollywood scion - Hermione and Hiram have “Amercia’s number one rated television program,” and of course they’re going to call it, Oh Mija!

I LOVED this in-joke, because it functions as a tribute to Hiram.  Mija was the word he said the most, after, maybe, Archie.

For some reason, this whole situation - Veronica’s appearance, introduction, presence and existence- piss Cheryl off entirely.  She is huffing, rolling her eyes, and generally extremely antsy.

Seated right behind her, Archie is just in heaven. Veronica is being very alternative-universe here: her self introduction is very pompous.  Real Veronica Lodge actually hates pomposity.  Her vocabulary is still very Jughead-huge though (“opportune” and “raven haired.”)  Veronica says that she’s trying a method acting type of thing (de rigueur for the age perhaps - another thing she might actually say) of experiencing small town life so she can better portray the “innocent ingenue” in the upcoming production of “Our Town.”

Longtime viewers are meant to know that she is lying about staying with an aunt-and-uncle, mostly because these people have never been introduced in the past six seasons.  As far as we’ve ever been told about Hiram in the competing lores of his life, he doesn’t have siblings. We have almost no lore about Hermione, other than FP hit on her almost once in high school and she had the affair with Fred Andrews as an adult.

Both Cheryl and Betty do not like that Veronica called them “small town lifers” basically.   Archie is entirely entranced with her, laughing at every little joke that Veronica makes, and even Cheryl pointedly turning in her seat to glare at him can’t make his besotted grin falter even a little bit.  

Veronica purrs and preens when she calls herself “the scion of Tinseltown royalty.”  I’m surprised she doesn’t roll her Rs.  When she winsomely says Thank You, Archie, whose face has been lit up like a christmas tree this whole time, bursts into solitary applause.   Cheryl is still very mad, but Archie gets rewarded with an extremely sexy wink by Veronica for being such an immediate fan.  

Is that a blush I see on Archie’s face?

I love this Archie. He’s so cute.

The table that Veronica chooses to try to join is Cheryl, Betty,  Kevin, Julian and Archie.  This is a weird fricking cluster of people.  Cheryl and Betty? And what the heck would Kevin and Julian have in common?   When Veronica asks to sit, Cheryl wants to say no but she is betrayed by both of the other redheads, who clear the space immediately.  Veronica comes to perch gracefully between the two redhead boys.  

Veronica says she caught all their names in the class they were just in.  Of course, Betty having BETTY embroidered into her sweater probably helps with that too.   Remembering that the R wearing Archie is Archie might be more of a feat.   Veronica shows that she took Cheryl’s eye rolls to heart by pointedly asking Cheryl what her name was.  Cheryl is extremely displeased, yet again.   This seems to know exactly what just happened between Veronica and Cheryl- he is trying very hard not to laugh too much.

Cheryl tries to explain that that they’d been discussing James Dean’s death, very self-importantly adding that she is president of his fanclub, when she gets undermined by Julian, who interrupts with a very weak joke about the Oh Mija! show being “high-larious,” to Veronica.   He says that the Blossoms “tune in every week” which must be a lie, because Cheryl’s whole face sours.  Betty and Kevin seem like they’re on the same wavelength.  They project the same calm, almost bovine energy when they ask Veronica where she lived in LA (BelAir) and if she knew James Dean.

Cheryl sharply tells Kevin off for being “so provincial,” then goes off to sideways disparage Veronica by implying that she wasn’t important enough to be a friend of James Dean, a person who was friends with Elizabethe Taylor.   Turns out Veronica Lodge was ‘friendly’ with Jimmy, “friendly” enough to go skinny dipping together at the Chateau Marmaduke (standing in for Chateau Marmont).  

This makes Archie choke.  Literally.  He focuses on “skinny dipping” -Veronica! Naked! She does Naked things! - while Betty and Kevin (Bevin? Ketty??) are entranced about being that friendly with James Dean.  Julian is more in Archie’s camp - he wants to know if Veronica has done the naked thing once or more than once.  I so appreciate the asshole energy that Julian projects nonstop.  He reminds me a lot of Bret Weston Wallis that way. You know on sight that he’s a dickhead, which is 180 degrees different from the angelic way that Jughead used to hallucinate Jason.

When Cheryl plays with her hair to sarcastically ask if Veronica will claim that she had dated Jimmy Dean, Veronica says no, but then drops a bombshell.  James Dean “played both sides of the net.”  In case the small town rubes don’t get her meaning, Veronica clarifies that this means both girls and boys.  Kevin has a milder version of Archie’s choking reaction from seconds before at this thought.  He’s smiling, and Betty is frowning.  Oh?  Oh???

When Kevin wants Veronica to name what James Dean was, Archie interrupts. This made me wonder if there  was a 1950s term for bisexual, that everyone would’ve known, that you can say on a CW show in 2023?    I guess not because Kevin never gets to finish his question.

Archie has a confused reaction, which fits canon so far and why Jarchie hasn’t happened yet even though it should.  He finds the concept of regular guys who are almost cowboys (all American? Is that what he means to say?) being anything other than 100% proof heterosexual incomprehensible.  Cheryl reacts with homophobic anger - it’s besmirchment, it’s foul, to say Jimmy Dean was not straight.   When Veronica calls her provincial, Cheryl slut shames her.  Nobody cares that Cheryl has flounced off, so now Kevin wants to know about Sal Mineo.

Kevin is definitely not straight in this universe.  Veronica knows it, apparently immediately. Poor Betty.

In science class later that day we see ETHEL is Jughead’s lab desk partner. Jughead is miserable to be back in high school.  He has an Asian American science teacher, who wears nerdy round glasses and has a bit of a lisp.  The teacher says Bailey Comet is due to arrive in two years.   He sounds vaguely Singporean, his teacher.  

Cut to Cheryl screaming GUYS as she floats in the air, trying to ice the comet.

Cut to the end of school, where Archie winsomely offers Veronica an escort home.  He has no ride, however, and Veronica isn’t the type of girl to walk. (She also just can’t, not in those high heels.)  Julian has offered Veronica a ride, ditching his sister wholesale.  JASON WOULD NEVER. Archie and Cheryl can’t bear to look at each other in the face of this rejection they’ve suffered.

In the waning light, Betty and Veronica are trying to talk to two old white men.  Dupont from Stonewall is here in Riverdale now as Werther a ‘child psychiatrist’ who fully backs Warden, I mean Principal, Featherhead that the Emmett Till murder and trial are not suitable subject matter for the school paper.

Toni tries to advocate for publication by saying that people need to know what happened “so that it doesn’t happen again.”  That is so adorable and incorrect.  Knowing something terrible happened again does not in any way ensure that it doesn’t keep happening.  I think the better way to think about it is, We owe it to the wronged to mark their stories.  Featherhead shoots her down by saying that “these sorts of things don’t happen in Riverdale.”  He also says a wrong thing - that “change doesn’t happen overnight.” Actually all change happens overnight.  That’s where there’s always a backlash to any progress, because those who can’t keep up want to turn it back. A lot of the time, they succeed.  In any case, Featherstone patronizes Toni by telling her take satisfaction in how ‘well written’ in article is.

Later, at family dinner in which Polly and Charles don’t exist, Betty tries to push her parents into reading Toni’s article on the air at their nightly broadcast on RIVW.  15 minutes is what they get, of which Toni’s article would take a whole minute.   Hal’s 50s persona is very hilarious.  He looks extremely shifty and chipunky, reminding me quite a lot of Peter Pettigrew of all things.  Alice has absolutely killer eyebrows, sharp enough to slice your face open.   They both repeat Featherstone’s line about the article being ‘well written’ but have no intention of rocking the boat.   Betty is angry but she is overruled by the power of the Blossom money and her parents not wanting to upset their only sponsor.

1950s Archie is still the cutest.  He is working his car, underneath it, as he breathlessly narrates his ove for Veronica Lodge.  He actually says SHAZAM!  persuasively.  Hit with a thunderbolt indeed.  He’s so 1950s in fact that the things he says and the way he says them feel suspicious too perfect. “How’s a guy like me gonna get anywhere with a girl like Veronica Lodge” and so  forth.  Jughead is perched like a depressed crow in his S sweater that seems to get darker and darker as the day goes on, looking off to the side and not listening to this earnest puppy love talk.

Jughead’s narration takes over. He is just so anxious.  He’s talking so fast, thinking about Bailey’s Comet, trying to harness that to get back to the future. “But I needed [ pause ] help.”  He sounds increasingly like the wigged out Bunker Jug of Rivervale.  Archie asks for his dad’s hammer, which sets off Jughead’s memory - that Archie buried the hammer in the time capsule.

The capsule they buried in the year 2020 when they graduated from high school, not to be confused with the year 2020 when they were 6 years after graduating from high school, might still be in existence in 1955 even though they were sent ‘back’ to this time from the first but not the second 2020.

Jughead seems to think this is a logical leap and I am very tickled. I kind of find it annoying (sorry, anti-intellectualism incoming, mea culpa in advance) when time travel stories get too precious about theoretical physics, so this made me very pleased with the wild swings they take in narrative on Riverdale.

So! Jughead asks for a shovel to Archie, who gives him an odd look. Is it because Archie thinks “Can I borrow a shovel?” is a really weird response to “Have you seen my dad’s hammer?” or is it because Archie knows something?

Later that night, Jughead is digging something out of the ground again. Grave robbery is one of his leitmotifs, I suppose?   He hits something hard, and guess what! It’s the time capsule.  Jughead is out of breath as he says “Thank God” but he seems just as frantic and scared as before.  And dun dun!! Someone is watching him do all this from the shadows!  The hairline looks vaguely like Tabitha.

Veronica is going to school the next day, wearing  more modest neckline and weather appropriate warm clothes.   Archie has somehow gotten his car out of the garage, so now he’s able to offer her a ride home. She’s very pleased, but Jughead walks right in between the two of them, carrying the time capsule ice box. Summarily, he insists that the two of them come meet him in the music room. Veronica has no idea who he is.

In the music room, they’re all holding their 2020 self’s contribution to the time capsule.  Toni has never seen the Pretty Poisons jacket.  Veronica thinks the Pop’s menu is an only passable prop.  Betty finds the headlines to be “like Dr. Seuss” meaning amusing gibberish, perhaps?   And Kevin keeps asking unanswerable questions - he wants to know what the “inch” is in Hedwig and the Angry Inch.  Archie wants to know when Jughead buried Fred’s hammer in a cooler.

Jughead tackles that one first, saying “YOU did.”  Archie genuinely looks like he has no idea what Jughead’ is talking about, but I’ve sussed it out now - 1950s Archie’s response to confusion is to smile about it. So he smiles.  Jughead can see that his attempt to “shake something loose” in his friends’ minds isn’t working, so in his frustration, his presentation starts to get very garbled.  He tells them they buried all these things 67 years ago IN THE FUTURE which, given the tenses, doesn’t even amount to English.   He says they need to get back to ‘our present, our future’ before full on stuttering.  Betty is concerned, Cheryl is annoyed, Toni and Kevin look embarrassed for Jughead, Archie is smiling because he’s confused.  Veronica, however, is very entertained.  

Archie wants to know what Jughead buried.  Jughead knows it was his “yarn beanie” but then says it wasn’t in the time capsule.  For some reason, this takes the fun out of this exercise for Archie, the fact that Jughead didn’t include an item of his own in the ‘cooler.’

Veronica says she’ll play along, and asks if she or Elizabeth Taylor is more famous in the future.  Cheryl, not to be outdone, cuts in with a request to give a bird’s eye view of the future.  Jughead has not thought this far in advance, so his answer is (adorably) piss poor.  he just throw things out - smartphones,  text messages, spotify, the internet - in THAT order which is the most confusing thing of all time.  Betty tries to help him out since he’s getting frantic during this speech that makes no sense to her - she asks Jughead to describe everyone’s Season 6 selves.

Jughead’s summaries are as follows:  Archie was in the army, fought in a war. Betty was in FBI hunting serial killers.  The way Betty practically salivates at the word serial killer, which doesn’t exist as a word yet, is VERY interesting.  Veronica owns a casino, and before that a speakeasy.  Toni bought the speakeasy, turned it into a biker bar.  Both Veronica and Toni are charmed by this story.  

Jughead positively chokes when he tries to summarize Kevin’s life.  He can tell, by this time, that this is going very sideways, which won’t be helped by how out of sorts Kevin’s life became by the end of Season 6.  Kevin is summarized as directing some musicals, after which he joined an organ harvesting cult.  Not wrong, but not very fulsome.  Cheryl, Jughead says, was possessed by an ancestor and became a witch.  She is not a happy customer, at all.

Archie says a fascinating thing- that he wouldn’t want to go back to the future because “we” sound miserable. Well, given that he was just told he joined the army and went to war, this is true for him, but not all the futures are miserable.

Veronica wants to know how the whole ‘going back to the future’ thing will happen, to which Jughead’s entire presentation falls completely apart. When he says that one of the ways might be a comet, Toni (who has tried very hard to be polite so far) gives a What the fuck look to Betty, who answers it with a Oh he’s just like this smile.   Jughead is fully in frantic world-maintainer Bunker Jughead mode now, and starts shouting about having Archie and Betty make out on Archie’s bed and then “BLOW  UP A BOMB UNDERNEATH THEM.”

This is so funny. I love with Jughead gets all Bunker-Jug, with the shouting and the extreme hand gestures. Is he perhaps channeling Hiram??

Everyone thinks this is very funny, but Archie has had enough.  Archie tries to make Jughead ‘take five’ which puts Jughead fully into feral motormouth mode to ask “YOU’RENOTGONNABEATMEUPAREYOUCUZYOU’REREALLYVIOLENTINTHEFUTURE”

The whole sentence is spit out as one long word.

When the two of them are alone in the gym, Archie lets it rip.  “People are going to think you belong in the looney bin with the other nutjobs!” and “It’s hard enough without your crazy stories” etc.  Jughead is coming down from his frantic mania so being called a ‘nut job’ is not helping.  His eyes actually start to glisten with tears.  “You think I’m crazy?” he asks, in a more normal, much sadder cadence.   Jughead is so upset, and so lonely, and so despairing.

This is a big change from his mid teens, when he took on being not understood, being isolated, unique and alone, as a badge of honor.  This Jughead understands the horror of being trapped in a solitary reality.  He can’t even stand to look at Archie, because that would mean confronting how trapped and alone he actually is in this universe.  Archie tries to be kind, telling him to keep using his ‘overactive’ imagination by channeling that energy into creating fiction.  When Jughead gives up altogether, and agrees, Archie actually skips a couple steps (something he’s never done in any of the other universes) before leaving Jughead standing in the gym.

At the very red, very depressing Blossom mansion, Penelope, who has the most fascinating hairdo (it’s both ornate and simple, hideous and perfectly coiffed) while dressed like the nightmare camp version of the English queen wants to know why  her twins look so sullen.  The way the Blossom twins of this universe bicker seems much more realistic, and, accordingly, much more dull.   I think this is post facto validation for the way the Cheryl-Jason relationship is in the S1-6 canon. It’s so much more interesting than this mundanity between Julian and Cheryl.

Penelope delivers movie magazines to Cheryl, and on the cover is someone not Veronica Lodge being cast in Our Town!

Meanwhile, Veronica is on a date with Archie at Pop’s!  She loves the food. All her attempts to make lighthearted conversation with Archie fail.  He has no idea who Gloria Swanson is.  This literally breaks Veronica’s spirit.   So she changes her line of questioning - “Tell me everything there is to know about Archie Andrews.”

His life is so boring.  “Work on my car. I like sports. I come here to pops. And i hangout at sweet water river.  mostly to fish.”

Then Archie reveals that Fred didn’t make it back from the Korean War, making him one of the 33,000 American servicemen who died.  Thank you Fred Andrews for your service, I guess? I’m slightly peeved that they didn’t make up a different war like they did for Archie to go fight in during the 2020 that lasted for seven years, but then they used the real Emmett Till story so they might as well use the Korean War, I suppose.  Archie is very used to people being upset about having asked, as well as not knowing what to say, so he is very smooth in the way he assures Veronica that “It’s OK” when she tries to apologize for prying.   In this universe, Mary Andrews works part time at the dress shop (no lawyering for her, alas).   I’m shocked she doesn’t work at Pop’s.  Though I guess maybe this economy is better.

Archie has never had a serious girlfriend by his Junior year of HS, about which Veronica is shocked.  Two days after meeting Veronica and in the course of their first real date, Archie more or less says that he wants to be Veronica’s boyfriend. He looks so starry eyed at her, that Veronica is extremely charmed. (So am I.)

But Veronica can’t be let to have nice things, so in comes Cheryl, shouting “J’accuse!”  Cheryl hates Veronica SO MUCH.  Just the ad hominem insults - “lying liar of a spoiled brat” and “banished by your parents!”  - and she insists on shouting the fact that Veronica employed a bit of puffery when she was introducing herself to the class.  

At the Pembroke, Veronica is weeping while consoled by Archie.  Archie tries to say nobody takes Cheryl seriously  Veronica fesses up that she was in fact banished, and she was a problem for her parents.   Veronica says she was ignored and sidelined since the Lodges started Oh Mija!  This is fascinating actually because Veronica’s persistent problem during her high school years was that both her parents were completely obsessed with her- and when she acquired a hitherto unknown older sibling halfway through her years in high school, Hermosa exhibited the same Lodge trait - obsession with Veronica, wanting to love her, wanting and willing to shoot at people on her behalf, and hating her just the little bit.  Now, in this universe, she’s an inconvenient burden neither parents cares much about - which indicates that Veronica was so the object of her parents’ focus because the two of them didn’t have sufficient creative outlets.  “The show is their real baby, not me.”    

This happened in a slower way during S5-6.  When Hiram finally, FINALLY killed off Riverdale and began his SoDale giant real estate project, he stopped being as invested in Veronica per se.  And when Hermione found the semi-acting gig of being a “Real Housewife,” she disappeared entirely out of Veronica’s life.

It turns out Veronica’s deep dark secret, the thing that got her banished to Riverdale by her parents, was that she was in fact tangentially involved in James Dean’s death.  She was one of several good time girls who formed a sort of racing fandom for Dean, and were going to meet him to cheer him on during a race.  

After consoling Veronica, Archie gets home late, to be immediately yelled at by Mary.  Mary is traumatized by the loss of Fred Andrews - which she honestly wasn’t very much in S4-6. Maybe this is why, if he does remember, Archie prefers to stay in this universe.    He has a mom who cares deeply that his father died.  Mother and son bond over their shared loss.  The compromise is that Archie is allowed to drive as long as his car goes very, very slow.  I will also note that his question about how he took HIS car out in a drive is a very unteenager thing to say.  So the question remains - what does Archie know or sense about this alternate universe?

In a fit of masochism, Veronica watches her parents’ show.  The kid cast to play the Mija is Tillie Temple (aka Shirley Temple, perhaps??).  Veronica hates Tilie.  Of course, right now is when Hermione calls.   Turns out someone is keeping a strict eye on the guests that Veronica has over at the apartment.  Veronica wants to go home for Thanksgiving, but Hermione doesn’t say she can come.  She has Orson Welles visiting.  Veronica is so lonely.   This is also new for Veronica - Maternal rejection has never been her problem.  That was usually reserved for Jughead, Cheryl and to a lesser extent, Betty and Archie.

Betty reads the Emmett Till newsletter which show the pictures of what Till went through.  It radicalizes Betty ��into wanting to publish the article Toni wrote.  But Toni wants to read a poem out during the morning announcements. There’s an echo of the larger theme in S1 through 6 here.  In previous seasons, Cheryl took it upon herself to make up for her ancestor’s sins. In this one, Toni wants Cheryl to make it up to - who? Toni? the world? - someone for her parents’ cowardice in not wanting to cover the Till murder.   Toni is planning an ambush.

Tabitha immediately approaches Jughead She asks for help.  NAACP is taking Emmett Till’s mother on tour, so Tabitha is going with them.  What Tabitha needs someone to help her ‘stay on top of’ school while she is on this tour.  It’s really not clear to me what that will be, but Jughead - though he is crushed that this Tabitha doesn’t even seem to know him at all - agrees immediately.  His eyes get all sad again, as he looks with wistful tenderness at this person who is exactly like his girlfriend but isn’t, at all.   He smiles and says “Awesome!” which he corrects to “Swell.”

Meanwhile Toni ambushes Cheryl in the bathroom with Betty.  Cheryl doesn’t mind letting Toni borrow her platform, but points out that Featherhead has pulled the plug before.  For what, I wonder? When??  She’s otherwise very easily persuaded.

Tabitha has fainted, Featherhead is tending to her, Miss Bell is off, and so now, Toni can take over the morning announcement!

As Toni was reading the Langston Hughes poem I realized with the Rs and Ss stand for on those sweaters. R is for Riverdale.  A bunch of other students have Rs emblazoned on their sweaters and sweatshirts.  So the S must be for Southside.  Jughead wears a Southside High sweater all the time to attend Riverdale High, and they just let him!

So anyway Toni exhorts everyone to ‘talk to each other’ about it, and this is the third weird lie propagated in American society.  The emphasis on dialogue as somehow a catalyst for systemic change, which it is not

The four girls get a telling off from Featherhead, who tries to call them liars -but Tabitha has an answer for that (she felt sick! but felt better!) and insubordinate - but Cheryl has an answer for that (there has not been a rule that poetry can’t be read during the morning announcement or that they have to pass censorship).  

In the classroom later, the teacher does open up the discussion to the topic, but see, this is the problem.  It puts the burden on the three people of color - Tabitha, Toni, and the unnamed guy I have assumed is Chuck Clayton- to explain reality to everyone else, who can be passive recipients of information and responsible only for articulating their emotional responses.

Later that school day, Veronica is offered a ride by both Julian and Archie, and rejects them both in favor of walking home!

Late at night, Jughead is freaking out by himself in the diner, no typewriter.  He is cracking up.  Maybe seasons 1-6 were the dream and he finally woke up!!  

Tabitha slides into the booth and Glory Hallelujah it’s HIS Tabitha!  “The Tabitha who remembers and loves you.”  He reaches out to grasp her with both hands.  He’s so happy to see her, he says, covering his eyes with one hand, trying not to burst into tears.  Tabitha says that the comet hit because Cheryl failed, so they had their extinction level event  after all.  This isn’t the Sweet Hereafter.  She instead used her life force to send everyone back to 1955 to try to change the future.  She has to be ALONE to untangle all the messed up timelines.  “You have to make a go of it here in the 50s.”

So she parked Jughead here in 1955 to be safe, but because he kept remembering the actual reality (and could drive himself insane or further corrupt the safe timeline) she had to come back to make him forget, so that he can “live in the present, in the moment.”   Oh, but Tabitha.  Jughead was already so bad at that!  And now that’s his part of the mission? To hold it together without her while she fixes the universe?

Jabitha may be the MOST EPIC relationship in scale which doesn’t quite make up for the tiny amount of screen time we’re likely to get if Tabitha has decided that she has to solve this universe sized problem ALONE.  Jughead was willing to die a LOT.  Tabitha went through every single scenario where Jughead died to see how to make that not happen.  And now, Jughead is going to endure having the happiest time of his life wiped from memory - the time when he was a stable adult, who knew who he was in the world, when he was in a relationship and family unit of people who accepted him and supported him, when he had a real home - because Tabitha says it’s “for the best.”  He decides to trust her with erasing the thing that any of us hold the dearest - his memories that constitute his sense of self.   And can we talk about Tabitha’s self sacrifice?  She’s going to do this very difficult work of setting the UNIVERSE RIGHT while voluntarily, entirely, completely forgotten (by her own hand!) by her significant other who adores her,  all her friends in the community she chose to become independent from her parents, all alone.  

Holy shit.

Jughead’s sprint home after their kiss, which rightly seems to freeze time to be everlasting before Tabitha steps away, is so desperate and frantic.  Jughead who was terrified of being forgotten is beginning to forget the most important person in his adult life. All he has are the words “bend. toward. justice.” and the sense that something terrible has just happened to him, without the ability to remember what it is.   This isn’t the Sweet Hereafter.  This has to be hell.

I am LOVING this.  It’s so BIG.  I wish they could SHOW it though.  But I think eventually, because the universe does in fact bend towards justice, someone will write me the fanfic that will have me lain flat on the floor from devastation.  Because omg the Jabitha relationship has SCOPE.

And the final kicker-  Jughead doesn’t recognize his stupid hat.  Ha!

P.S.  The title reference, “Don’t Worry Darling”  if it’s to that movie that came out this year, in 2023, then it’s very twisty and fun.  Because that movie is about a man manipulating a woman’s mind for his own aggrandizement, and this episode is the mirror of that - a woman manipulating a man’s mind, with his explicit agreement, to save the universe.

[causetheturtle]

It’s only just hitting me now that like Riverdale’s gone…this stupid show’s actually over and I’m never going to get to watch those silly little idiots perpetually try and fail to break the cycle and escape the narrative ever again. The show that I’ve dedicated like five years of my life to, which I only started watching with my sister because it was “so bad it’s good” which I then eventually realised is actually the greatest show in the history of television is never going to release another episode ever again…what the fuck am I meant to do with my life now?

[1995lahaine]

@nickandros tagged me to post 8 shows to get to know me better which like. i feel like none of this is going to elucidate me any better to you all but I have some time tonight SO! anyways I’m tagging @nicollekidman @shesnake @akajustmerry @derelictship @brownbicon @mossycoat and uhhhh anyone else!!!! Who wants to!!!!

criminal minds to be clear i hate jeff davis but his 2 big shows changed my life this would be my answer to las culch what culture made me say culture is for me it’s the first show I ever understood as being something that was made, I sat down weekly with my parents to watch it, it was huge for me as a 10ish year old. yes i know that’s insane.

teen wolf. truly life changing for me at 13-15 im sorry but isaac lahey Scott mccall and allison argent are characters of all time to me. to MEEE.

the sopranos. didn’t watch the whole thing as a teen but i really so deeply fell in love with it at 21/22ish and has so shaped me the last couple years

riverdale. obviously

yellowjackets. obviously. just one of the only/most woman-focused series ive ever seen and engaged with so deeply it’s so sad that it’s so rare for me.

utopia. It’s utopia. It’s only the best television that’s ever been made idk what else to even say I cannot do it justice. It’s on YouTube. Just watch it!!! Wilson Wilson character development (devolvement) of ALLLLLLLL TIME!!!!

i think you should leave with tim robinson. i was late(ish?) to sketch comedy tbh, never really connected with or found any of it funny but the absurdity of this series was huge for me, such an eye opening thing for what can be accepted and funded as comedy

oh this is tough this is TOUGH!!!! It’s not game of thrones it isn’t bc that doesn’t explain me…. It’s also not black sails weirdly… it’s veep. It’s veep. For better or worse that show has influenced and changed so much of my own sense of humour and my relationship with establishment politics and with tv as a satirical medium. It fell off so much later on but the first few seasons??? fantastic. actually critical. had things to say.

[lonesomedotmp3]

2, 4-6, 20 :D

hiii 🖤🖤🖤

2 - album of the year

emails I can't send fwd SORRY!!!! that album legitimately got me through this year it turns out what you listen to in the worst month of your life sticks with you... but the baby by samia and grace by jeff buckley and the rise and fall of a midwest princess are all runner ups...

4 - movie of the year

just did this and listed quite a few but tbh there are so many more... dick 1999 escape room 2019 slashorette party STUDENT BODIES. student bodies was so fucking good... and I did already say bottoms but FOR YOU i Will repeat bottoms was such a Moment 🫶 I had literally been waiting for it the entire year and my girlfriend havana rose liu was there and everyone was so sexy it was unreal...

5 - tv show of the year

faking it was one of the greatest parts of this year it was so fun and weird and 2014 and my best friend amy was there and the toxic homoerotic girl best friendship was insane HOWEVER. seinfeld was formative this year... truly by the end it was just like hanging out with friends everything I did I was like wow this is just like seinfeld it was so good to watch.during the especially as i.kept feeling more and more insane. Comfort television that's sort of meandering and emotionless and anti comedy <3

6 - episode of tv that defined the year for you

wow that's a deranged question ok. the first thing I can think of is yellowjackets 2.01 friends roman countrymen which was such a good brain altering episode and ofc at the time we didn't know season two was going to kind of flop so it was really exciting waiting for the next episode. but DEFINED the year. honestly maybe 7.01 of riverdale in the most bitter pessimistic way possible like it did Define The Year in that riverdale was supposed to Fix things (I know that's a stupid idea but whatever things were rough) and now only did it fail to do that it just left me confused and insulted and.more miserable than ever. yeah that's perfect actually. so much hope and optimism (february fortune cookie) Instantly dashed to create a.more depressive mood than ever. 🤸 but whatever season seven isn't real and it can't hurt me.

20 - what's something you learned this year

it's not going to get better. sorry that's horrible I'll think of something nicer to end on. I wasn't planning on this being a bummer I sort of forgot this year sucked. and I'm not saying that in an edgy way or to get attention it's purely just that sometimes things are the way they are and there's nothing you can do about it and I can't spend my whole life feeling bad about it. like my mum is so upset that cbt didn't magically cure me and it's like. this is just a thing I have to deal with forever! there's no cure! and if it ever gets better it'll be a pleasant surprise but why would I set myself up for devastation and disappointment again like I did at the beginning of this year. frankie community voice I never hope hope is pouting in advance.... anyway on a lighter note! talk to your seminar professors about your essays! it sucks but it does really make them so much better!! I got a first in a philosophy essay for the first time because of it 🫡🫡🫡 now I just have to remember to keep doing it even though it's extremely embarrassing asking your professor to do their job for some reason

[futuresarcastic]

look, i hate riverdale i’ve ranted way too may times for way too long about why it’s the worst television show ever made, but

beronica endgame

is honestly the ONLY THING they can do to fix this in the slightest