#rita x rouge

[jimiscribif]

Drunk Madame Farr is insane, Laura's like yeah I turn into a beaver sometimes so I can stick your Toothbrush up my vagina and Rita's like lol, I killed three people and feel no remorse

[bununiniji]

scribbles n drawings for ppl yea

cable drawing for @inzaneinator 😈

gambits n rouge for my friend 🙏🫡

schools been kinda killing me so ive just been doing papers n papers full of scibbles n studies. m trying 2 draw some actual art one day tho but idk when that will be crys ANNNY WAYYSY I WANNA DO ART REQUESTS IM DESPERATE FOR STUFF TO DRAW AARRGGHHH

[tonsillessscum]

MadameFarr edit 🙈

[daydreaming-nerd]

Lipstick Kisses (Azriel x Female! reader)

AN: while I LOVED my last Azriel fic I felt kinda bad about how it ended to so even though this was supposed to be a Cassian fic I thought I would switch it up just to say I’m sorry lol 

Summary: You and Azriel weren’t together. But you also weren’t not together. Sure he warmed your bed nightly, but he had made it clear that he was hesitant to date his best friend, Rhysand’s, little sister. You were content to play the game until one night a certain princess got so far under your skin you couldn’t see straight. 

Warnings: jealousy, unprotected sex, cockwarming if you squint? 

Word Count: 2496

(all pics are from pinterest) 

Rita’s had never been so busy before. Packed from wall to wall with members of every court here to celebrate the week leading up to Starfall. A tradition my brother had long since put on. Everyone seemed to be merry and happy, even Azriel who stood at the bar with the Princess of Adriata. 

Azriel and I had been hot and heavy for a couple of months. My whole life the shadowsinger and I had danced around one another, flirting here and there but never acting. It wasn’t until one night when I ran into the spymaster in the hallway of the House of Wind, when we couldn’t stay away from one another. It was a mess of hands, teeth, tongues and kisses as he took me against the wall. From that moment on Azriel sought to warm my bed nightly, but nothing more and I never thought to ask him why for fear of losing him. We weren’t together, weren’t not together. And I had no right to stare daggers at the Princess of Adriata, yet here I stood, at the edge of the room doing just that. 

“Looking a little tense there y/n,” Cassain drawled, nudging my shoulder. 

“I am not tense,” I gritted out. 

“Then why does it look like you’re about to shatter that glass with your bare hand?” he retorts. I look to where my polished fingers are gripping my cocktail in rage. 

“I’m just scared someone is going to knock my drink out of my hand, it’s super busy in here,” I say, loosening my grip on the glass. 

Cassian let out a chuckle, “You sure it has nothing to do with the way Az is looking at the Princess of Adriata?” he smirked. While Az and I hadn’t told anyone about our nightly escapades, poor Cassain was practically forced to have the knowledge as his room was next to mine. 

I meet Cassian’s eyes in a sideways glare causing him to laugh again. 

“Of course he wants The Princess of Adriata,” I sneer at her name. 

“You’re a Princess too y/n,” Cassian reminds me.

“Yeah well apparently not the right type,” I huff, turning around so I don’t have to watch them smile and flirt anymore. 

“You should get him back,” Cassian muses. 

“If you’re trying to take me into your bed again it won’t work.” I laugh while sipping my drink, remembering a different drunken night, or a few of them, that Cassian and I had shared at Rita’s. 

“You wound me Princess, you can’t say you didn’t enjoy yourself all those years ago,” he smirked, bumping my shoulder again. 

“Illyrians really are sensitive babies. Now what kind of revenge did you have in mind?” I smirk into my glass. 

“You got some red lipstick in that bag?” his eyes gleamed. 

I rummage around through the mess of trinkets in my purse till I find the red rouge sitting in the bottom and pull it out. “Looks like I do,” I say, holding it up for him to see. 

“Perfect, now put it on,” he says standing in front of me so I can use his siphon as a mirror as I always had for years anytime I needed to fix my makeup or hair. He used to hate it, but now I think it makes him feel special. 

“I fail to see where this is going,” I contest putting the lipstick back in my bag. 

Cassian didn’t say anything, he just pointed to his cheek asking for me to kiss it. I rolled my eyes and obliged. When I pulled back a bright red lipstick stain adorned his cheek and I realized what he was doing now. 

“Cassian, you're a genius,” I laugh. 

“Well I am a specialist in war tactics after all. Now go around and say hello to every Lord in here and greet them with one of your sweet kisses. The second Az looks around he’s going to lose his mind.” he explains. 

“Thanks Cass,” I laugh before turning away but I feel his hand on my arm. 

“I think I might deserve a little more thanks than that Princess,” he says playfully.

“Fine you big baby,” I roll my eyes before placing a quick kiss on his lips seeing the lipstick residue there. 

“You’re welcome princess,” he smirks triumphantly before turning away.

I turn to the crowd of people in front of me scanning the hundreds of happy faces packed into the tavern. Like a beacon of hope I find Thesan conversing with two other Lords, the perfect target. 

“Thesan!” I cheer, “My brother and I are honored to have you here in our court,” I greet him sweetly, pressing a discreet kiss to his cheek.    

“Princess it’s always a pleasure to be in your presence,” Thesan smiles warmly. “May I present Lord Baylor and Lord Suffolk.” 

Both Lords reach their hands out to mine and I push them away, “Please I’ve never been fond of handshakes,” I smile gently, embracing each of them and pressing kisses to their cheeks as well. 

“We are honored to be here Princess y/n, the stories of your beauty still don’t do you justice,” Lord Baylor smiled.  

“You all flatter me too much, it’s going to go straight to my head,” I tease playfully before excusing myself to mingle with the other lords.       

I continue my charade until my drink empties and I’m forced to retreat to the bar for another. I be sure to pass right by where Azriel and The Princess of Adriata are talking before leaning against the bartop and requesting my regular. I try to hide the smirk when I feel a certain scarred hand graze my elbow. 

“Is there a reason why those red lips have been on the cheek of every man here tonight Princess?” Azriel says lowly into my ear. 

“I’m just being a good host Az,” I say, not keeping my eye off the bartender making my drink. 

“More than good the way I see it,” he grits and his hands trace the backs of my arms. The bartender brings my drink over and I leave a large tip in his jar. I finally turn to meet Azriel’s intense gaze. 

“Don’t be so jealous Azriel, after all we aren’t even together,” I tilt my head before sauntering off. 

When I get back to the House of Wind that night I’m utterly exhausted. I open the door to my bedroom and kick my shoes off sending them flying across the room. My dress is the next to go, falling in a pile on the floor. I wash up, and slip on my nightgown before falling into my bed with a sigh, too lazy to turn off the small fae light next to me. I try to sleep but it’s not the same without a certain Illyrian next to me. 

A half hour later I hear the door open slowly, I pretend to still be asleep not wanting to even speak to Azriel. When I had left Rita’s he was still talking with The Princess of Adriata, and this time she had a hand on his bicep.

I heard daggers and leathers falling to the ground as the bed sank behind me. 

“Scooch over Princess, there's no room for me,” he whispered into my ear as his arms circled around me to move me over. 

“Get off me Az, I don’t remember inviting you to my bed tonight,” I grumble, not moving an inch. 

He doesn’t move, “I’ve been sleeping here for three months y/n what do you mean?” 

“I mean, I don’t want The Princess of Adriata’s sloppy seconds sleeping in my bed, now go to your own room,” I huff, slamming my head down on my pillow for emphasis. 

Azriel scoffs, “This is about Cressida?” he asks in disbelief. 

“Oh good for you, you’re on a first name basis with the oh so perfect princess,” I say donning the same mocking tone I used to Cassian. 

“You do know that you’re also a Princess,” he smiled, pressing a kiss to my shoulder. 

“So I’ve heard,” I roll my eyes, moving my shoulder away from him. “Now get out.” 

“Y/n, I didn’t sleep with her,” Azriel says, pressing another kiss to my shoulder.

“Yeah right,” I scoff. 

“She did try, but I told her I was seeing someone,” he continued kissing my arm. 

“Oh really?” I sneer. 

“Yes my love,” he smiled, pressing a kiss to my cheek. “You.”  

“I thought you didn’t want to be with me, I thought you just wanted to fuck me,” I grumble trying not to enjoy his lips on my body. 

“I never said that,” he states and I can feel his agitation. 

“Well you didn’t not say it either, what am I supposed to think when I only see you at night?” I argue. 

“Fine, I’ll admit it, I was scared.” he grumbled, moving to lean back on the pillows. 

I sit up to face him and find him pressing the heels of his hands into his forehead like he has the largest migraine to ever be known to man. 

“Scared of what?” I scoff in disbelief. He was Azriel, my spymaster and a shadowsinger. I had seen his fierceness on a battlefield countless times, seen him slaughter enemies of my court. What could possibly scare him?

“I was scared that one day you’d wake up and realize what I truly am, a lowborn nobody. You’re a princess for gods sakes y/n. The most beautiful woman in Prythian. You should be with a prince like Varian, not me. And even though I knew that I couldn’t stay away from you. You smell so good and your skin is so soft and the way you look at me sometimes? It would’ve taken all seven High Lords to keep me from your bed, especially when you invite me to it so willingly. I was scared that if we made our relationship something more than just pleasure that you would realize that, and that’s a blow I couldn’t handle.” Azriel confessed, finally ripping his hands off his forehead to stare at the ceiling.  

“Azriel I-” 

“It’s okay you don’t have to say anything,” he sighed, getting out of bed. 

“Az,” I plead, but he keeps walking.

 “Azriel stop!” I scream not the request of a lover, but the order of a princess. I see his wings twitch as he stops moving, still not turning to meet my eye. 

“Azriel I love you,” I confess. 

He whips around to meet my eyes, using his years of reading people to try and decipher whether or not I’m telling the truth. He finds no trace of a lie and before I know it he’s standing over the bed and bringing his lips to mine. His knees sink to the bed and I use his off balance to push him down into the pillows so I can straddle his lap. 

“Do you mean it?” he asks as I lean back to look at him, his eyes blown out and on cloud nine. 

“I’ve loved you for years Az, just ask my brother. When I thought you didn’t want to do anything but bed me my heart was broken, but I was willing to take whatever I could get.” I explained. 

“You have all of me y/n,  you always will,” he smiles, leaning up to kiss me. “But I’m still mighty jealous of all those lipstick prints, especially the ones I saw on Cassian.” he smirks against my skin. 

“I think I can make it up to you,” I smile before reaching over to my bedside table to retrieve the lipstick from my discarded clutch. I keep our eyes locked as I put the cherry red color all over my lips and I swear I feel his cock twitch under me. 

I lean down to leave a kiss on his cheek, then his forehead, his jaw, his chin and then I give the other side of his face the same treatment. I move my lips down either side of his neck earning a low groan from him. I smile and continue my assault all over his bare chest and shoulders. 

“Fuck y/n,” he moans and I can tell he’s trying not to flip me over and pound me into the mattress. 

I leave lipstick marks all over his abs and when I reach his boxers I pull the waistband down just enough to leave a kiss right above his aching cock. 

“Fuck this I need to be inside you,” he grunts and I’m quickly being hauled up by my arms and tossed on my back. Within moments he slams his cock inside me. 

“Oh fuck Azriel!” I scream, raking my nails down his back. 

The room is filled with the sound of skin slapping as Azriel thrusts inside me at a brutal pace. Both seeking his own pleasure and to claim. 

“Your turn Princess,” he smirks before sucking the skin of my neck into his mouth. My hands fly to his hair pulling him closer to me as his teeth sink into my neck.

“Azriel,” I breathe into his ear and he spurs his hips even faster. I feel him leave a light lick soothing the skin he bit into. 

“Mine,” he growls before leaning back to admire his work. He lifts my legs and puts them over his shoulders to hit me even deeper making my eyes roll to the back of my head. 

“Azriel!” I scream practically in subspace. 

“That’s right Princess, let everyone know who owns this little pussy,” he grins with male pride. 

“Yours Az all yours,” I breathe, unable to find my words.

“Good girl,” he says before reaching down to rub circles into my clit. The sudden sensation is enough to have me arching my back and cumming on his cock, a string of curses and his name falling off my lips.

Azriel continues thrusting into me seaking his own pleasure before spilling into me with a moan that practically shakes the doors. His head burrows into my neck and I run my hands through his hair pressing kisses to his face. I look up at him to see the lipstick marks all over him and I can’t help but laugh. 

He rolls us to the side taking me with him so his cock is still inside me. 

“Do you think Rhys is gonna kill me when he finds out?” Azriel asks jokingly but I can tell he’s genuinely wondering. 

“Well he was pissed at Cassian but he got over it so I’d say we’re good,” I sigh tracing the lipstick marks left on his chest. 

“Wait, you slept with Cassian?” he asks, stunned. 

“Yeah like 105 years ago, you didn’t know?” I laugh. 

“No I didn’t,” he says, throwing his arms around me and standing up making sure his cock doesn’t leave its spot nestled inside me.

“What are you doing?” I giggle playing with his hair as I feel my back hit  the far wall of my room. 

“Fucking you against Cassian’s bedroom wall,” he smirks kissing me deeply. “Gotta let him know we’re official now.” 

[redbleedingrose]

Always ~ Part 4

Azriel x Reader

Warnings: Anger um like literal rage, Angst as per usual, drinking, kissing/dubcon lowkey so be warned, fighting, blood, first time writing  Word Count: ~ 4.2K

Masterlist, part 5

Summary: You and Azriel have been best friends for years after you joined the inner circle as the top healer in Velaris. But with Elain and Nesta’s recent arrival, Azriel has begun to ignore your friendship in favor of being with Elain. You are heartbroken, and it is Starfall where you will be confined in the house of wind with Azriel and Elain. Everything will be okay though… right?

A/N: OMG hello everyone, thank you so much for waiting patiently for part 4. This is by far the longest fic I have written, and I hope it did parts 1-3 justice. As always, please like/comment/reblog. I especially love the comments and asks you all have been sending me. I am so thankful and overwhelmed by all the support you have shown me this past week! Also, let me know if you would like for me to add you to the taglist. 💘🌹

It had been a couple of hours since Rhys had left your home, you hadn’t moved from the couch since the door had shut, “Make him grovel, sister,” continued to echo in your thoughts as you stared at the hearth ahead that contained only ash from the fire that was roaring this morning. It echoed as you stood from your seat and heard parts of your spine pop as you stretched, it echoed as you moved towards the bathroom to turn the hot water on for the first bath in a week, it echoed as you scrubbed at your skin and deep conditioned your hair. It echoed as you applied kohl to your lash line that enhanced your dimmed eyes, as you pinched at your cheeks trying to form a natural blush, as you applied a berry rouge to your soft lips. All to hide the fact that this past week, you had stayed in bed, crying on and off from your argument with Az, avoiding him and the rest of the inner circle like the plague. 

“Make him grovel, sister.” 

The outfit you picked out was one that Morr and you had seen during one of your shopping adventures at the Rainbow, and outfit that you had not worn yet, an outfit Morr couldn't stop gushing at you in and apparently made her “weak in the knees.” The black satin top cropped right at your navel, leaving an inch of your skin on display that accentuated your waist complimented with high waisted black leather pants which hugged your thighs and flared right below the knees. 

“Make him grovel, sister.” 

You stared at yourself through the mirror, slicking your hair back into a tight bun to finish off your look. Despite all the preparation, despite thinking you looked somewhat decent regardless of how you had spent the past week, a lump lodged itself into your throat. The thought of seeing Azriel, the thought of possibly seeing Elain, the thought of seeing them together, the thought of him ignoring you, made your stomach roll. You screwed your eyes shut taking a deep breath in as you did, exhaling softly. Another sharp inhale, another soft exhale. And another soft inhale and sharp exhale later, you opened your eyes again to peer at yourself, swallowing the lump. You know Azriel better than that, if this past week had shown you anything, it was that the spymaster is a very persistent male. Chances were more likely that Azriel would approach you at Rita’s. He would likely pull you away from whatever it is that you were going to be doing to talk to you about what happened on Starfall. He would likely do whatever it took to get you to stop ignoring him, to get you and him to be best friends again, you were almost sure of it. Best friends, the mere notion brings bile to your throat. You weren’t sure how long you could pretend to want that anymore; you wanted more. You wanted him, every part of him: his hazel eyes, his luscious black hair, his beautiful scarred hands, his shadows, his thoughts and attention, and most importantly his heart, you wanted everything that was, is, and ever will be Azriel. 

“Make him grovel, sister.” 

You approached Rita’s apprehensively with the knowledge that everyone from the inner circle was most likely already there, already a bit tipsy. You almost turned around a couple of times on your journey here, ready to march straight back to your apartment and continue hiding away. The only thing that held you back from doing so was Rhys’s “friendly suggestion,” which roughly translated into: “If you don’t come tonight, I will winnow to your apartment and drag you there myself, and I won’t be very nice about it.” The high lord was usually lenient about most things when it came to members of his inner circle, but was not so forgiving over missing gatherings left and right as I had been for the past week. He requested our presence several times a week, and not always for political purposes; Rhys liked for us to spend time together as a family. Half the time, our inner circle meetings involved fucking around, getting drunk, and not getting anything done. It is what made for some of the best bonding time you had with Azriel, the times that made your heart ache as you remembered them. 

“Make him grovel, sister.” 

Unsurprisingly, Ritas was packed with faes who were out tonight to celebrate the weeks end. You could hear the music, the laughter, the talking, you could smell the sweat and arousal and drinks, as you stood outside staring at the door in front of you. It burst open suddenly, two males tripping out in front of you laughing at their own clumsiness. When they noticed you, they promptly held the door open already assuming you were about to make your way inside. Another sharp inhale, another soft exhale, you centered yourself before you stepped inside, your gaze was immediately drawn towards the center of the room where males and females were dancing the night away, taking up the majority of the space in the bar. Your eyes slowly shifted away from the scene in front of you to the tables that lining the walls linked with booths, silently hoping that no one was here yet and you could leave with the excuse that you technically had come to Rita’s tonight whenever Rhys would inevitably appearance, eventually spotting the table that was generally reserved for members of the inner circle. Almost immediately, rich deep brown iris’s caught yours, Morr seemed to have detected your presence as soon as you had walked in and smiled softly at you, welcoming you in. The blonde female gently waved at you, dressed in a silk black dress that clung to her, showing off her beautiful curves. She was undoubtedly one of the prettiest females you had ever met, and you were not shocked to learn of Azriel's long time unrequited crush on her. The irony was not lost on you, you felt the same way for him as he did Morr, and yet he remained completely oblivious. 

“Make him grovel, sister.” 

Your eyes flitted away from hers as you made your way towards the table, clocking in who else had come tonight: Rhys was nursing a glass of whiskey with Feyre on his lap, the both of them talking to Cassian who was sitting next to them. Amren was sipping on what looked to be a deep red wine, lounging with Nesta in the booth, the both of them giving off a threatening appearance just by their bored expressions schooling their faces. You almost tripped over yourself when you realized Elain was also sitting at the table, quietly staring at her wine glass on the table in disdain. In the months you had known Elain, ever since she had arrived in Velaris really, she had refused to come to Rita’s, opting for a night in. You forced another sharp inhale and soft exhale, seated next to her was Azriel on one side and Lucien on the other, both sitting in silence, both awkwardly trying to look anywhere but the female sitting next to them. As you neared the table, you could make out Azriels shadows darting towards you, before quickly slithering back to their master, determined to alert him of your arrival. His gaze snapped quickly to your eyes, hazel eyes boring into your soul as his pupils dilated. 

“Make him grovel, sister.” 

The spymaster jolted in his seat as if someone had poked him really hard on the most sensitive parts of his wings, before he jumped from his seat, all while continuing to stare at you in silence. His mouth opened and closed several times, no words spilling out as if he were stunned that you had actually come tonight, as if he couldn’t believe it was you standing in front of the table, as if he had never seen you before, almost as if you were an angel that dropped from the heavens right where he was seated. You quickly broke your gaze from his, not wanting to look at him any longer, not wanting to give him the chance to speak to you, not wanting whatever you had going on with him to be made aware to everyone else at the table. 

Another sharp inhale and soft exhale. “Make him grovel, sister.” That is exactly what you were going to do. 

Your heart and mind were suddenly racing, trying to come up with some sort of a greeting, unfortunately coming up empty as everyone had shifted their gaze towards you now acutely aware of your presence. Elain silently watched Azriel, looking up at him with her doe eyes, clearly looking more upset than she had before you had showed up. Feyre grasped your hand, her warm palm curing into yours, “Sit Y/N, we missed you.” Tenderly, she pulled you into the open seat right next to hers, still holding your hand and squeezing a couple of times while grinning at you. You cleared your throat once, twice, “Hello everyone.” Almost cringing at the awkwardness of the dry greeting you had just given, you pressed your lips together, mind still racing, echoing “Make him grovel, sister,” all over again after seeing Az for the first time in a week. 

“What drink would you like for me to get you, pretty girl?” Morr asked you lightly, like she thought you would break if you spoke any louder. It left you feeling flustered and a bit annoyed, you were not going to let whatever is going on between you and Azriel affect you like this anymore. Determined to act nonchalant, determined to act unbothered, determined to continue ignoring Azriel, determined to make him grovel, you take another sharp inhale and soft exhale before responding confidently, “A vodka martini lovey.” A smirk crossed Morrs face,“I will get that for you right away sweets,” as if she had caught onto your train of thought as you were formulating it. She swiftly stood and paced towards the bar; Cassian flung his arm across your shoulder and pressed you into his side, “And where have you been this past week little miss? And who the fuck are you dressed up for, looking so stunning like that.” From the corner of your eye, Azriel tensed across from you, crossing his arms over his chest huffing. You couldn't help but laugh at the general's teasing, warmth spreading in your chest; Cassian always knew how to do that: how to take any darkness that was within someone and turn it into light. It was precisely the reason why you truly believed him and Nesta to be the perfect match. Azriel’s stare fixated on you, observing you, trying to figure out how you would respond to his brother's teasing. You chose to ignore the first question, ““Obviously I had to dress up for your mate,” quickly glancing at her to give her a smirk, “I have to convince her to ditch you and get with me instead.” Amren and Nesta cackled from where they were sitting, Nesta returned a smug look of her own as Cassian gaped at the both of you. 

“Make him grovel sister” 

Morr returned with your drink in hand as Cass tried to respond, giving you a kiss on the cheek as you grabbed at it. Azriel had yet to say a word to you, to  anyone really; he seemed to make out that you would not be giving him the time of day tonight, and was sulking silently, patiently, as if he were waiting for when you would acknowledge his presence on your own. His shadows tried to slink towards you, and the shadowsinger looked almost strained trying to hold them back. Elain had not said a word to either, not to him or Lucien, the question of why the hell she was even here crossed your mind leaving an ugly feeling behind. 

After taking a couple of sips of your drink, in between catching up with Cassian and Feyre, you switched your attention to Lucien. His russet eyes meeting yours, “Long time, no see Lucien,” you joked, slightly tipsy from the strength of the vodka, “How have you been?” Next to him, both Elain and Azriel stiffened. You pretend to overlook the fact as he chuckled, “Yes Y/N, long time, no see. I’m doing just fine, thank you, and you?” His brows lifted a little as you maintained eye contact, some type of emotion flitting in his eyes before disappearing though his body remained relaxed against his seat. “I am also doing just fine, Lucien. Did you need another drink?” His glass sat empty in front of him; he leaned forward, eyes still locked on yours, “Yeah, I do Y/N.” You smiled, “Okay, next round is on me everyone,” rising from your seat determinedly to walk towards the bar. “Mind helping me carry them back?” Azriel cleared his throat, the suddenness of it had stunned you; not expecting for him to respond, your eyes flitted towards his, “I can help you,” hazel eyes soft, focused on yours, pleading almost, as he answered you quietly. You swallowed, pressing your lips together, “I wasn’t asking you.” It came out sharper than you had intended. You cleared your throat, “Lucien, will you help me?” Azriel sat back in his seat, jaw clenching tightly and hazel eyes darkening, he shifted away from you for the first time tonight and stared so hardly at the empty whiskey glass sitting in front of him, you thought it would shatter by the force of his gaze alone. Lucien's eyebrows raised almost to his hairline as he glanced back and forth between me and Azriel, in fact, everyone at the table had gone silent watching the interaction that had just taken place, “Uh, yes, absolutely I will help.” He shot up from his seat, the both of you briskly walked away from the table towards the bar. Once you were far enough and blocked from the view of the table by the crowd, he grasped your elbow, gaining your attention as he silently hissed, “What the fuck are you doing? Are you trying to get me killed by the spymaster? He already hates me if you haven't noticed.” 

“Make him grovel sister” 

You scoffed, raising an eyebrow at Lucien, calmly replying as you continued weaving your way through the crowd, “He does not hate you Lucien. And why would he kill you? You haven't done anything wrong, have you?” His grasp tightened on your elbow, “Of course not! But I wouldn’t put it past him if he killed me because of you!” 

“Make him grovel sister” 

You squinted your eyes at him, “I don't know what you mean. You will be fine Lucien, he is acting strangely because we aren't exactly on the best terms right now.” He loosened his grasp, “What do you mean?” You sighed before spinning towards the bartender to let him know what everyone's drink orders are, putting off your response for as long as you could. You leaned your elbows against the bar as you waited, Lucien mimicking your posture, his gaze still focused on yours as you murmured without looking at him, “We had an argument on Starfall. And we haven't really talked since then.” He leaned in a little more, nudging your shoulder softly, urging you to continue, “He didn’t like that I was talking to you, considering your mated to Elain, how is that going by the way?” Blowing out a breathy laugh as he ran his fingers through his hair, Lucien screwed his eyes shut, “It's going, that's for sure. She still isn’t really talking to me. Though, um,” he hesitated, “Azriel hasn’t talked to her since Starfall and I can tell it is making her antsy.” Your eyes snapped to his, your pupils had blown in shock, you breathed out a laugh of your own. You didn’t know what to say, so you said the only thing that came to mind, “I'm sorry Lucien.” You lifted your arm and rubbed his shoulder for a second before he opened his eyes again, “Sorry because my mate isn’t talking to me? Or sorry because I can feel my mate desiring another?” You squeezed the shoulder you were rubbing before leaning in and resting your head into the side of his arm, giving him a side hug as bile rose in your throat, “Both I guess.” You couldn’t imagine what he was going through, you and Azriel weren’t even mated and the pain was unspeakable. He only responded with a weak smile before he helped you bring back the drinks the bartender had brought out. 

You set the drinks down on the table, catching eyes with Rhys for the first time tonight as you all threw your heads back to take the shots you had bought everyone. The classic feline smirk of his pulled at his lips, nodding at you silently, violet eyes focused on yours. You grimaced as the burning sensation of the alcohol shot down your throat, Azriel had again moved his gaze to yours which you refused to meet, trying to catch your eyes. At this point, the alcohol was taking its full effects, and you would not be responsible for whatever you would say to him in anger. The need to get away tugged at you, and so you did the only thing you could think of doing: you grasped Morr and Feyre’s hands, pulling them both out of their respective seats, and onto the dance floor. They both giggled as you pushed them towards the dance floor, reaching out towards you to keep you close. You pulled yourself away, pacing back to the table, yanking Nesta from where she is sitting. “I heard you are a master at dancing, care to show me your moves?” Surprised by your sudden outgoing nature, Nesta smiled at you, really smiled at you, and it felt as though you were looking at her for the first time. Excitement flooded her irises as she jumped from Cassian's lap. Her hands were filled with callouses from training, and yet they were so soft as you held on, jogging towards the dance floor to join Feyre and Morr who were already grinding on each other. You couldn't help but throw your head back, a belly laugh leaving you, as Nesta dragged you into a dance with her. The music was pounding throughout your head and body, and the alcohol had lowered all your inhibitions, leaving you in a free state. Your hips swayed side to side, your hands running up and down your body, highlighting any curves you had in the soft faelights. Your eyes opened directly staring into darkened hazel ones, a gasp leaving you as you almost stopped, too stunned to continue to move. Just as you were about to, the shock from Azriel slipped from you, replaced by confusion as you felt a male wrap his arms around your waist, grinding into your hips. 

“Make him grovel sister,” the words whispering in your mind, the words intoxicating you. 

You smiled cruelly, tracing the males forearms before moving an arm to wrap around his neck from behind you, continuing to stare into those beautiful hazel eyes. You turned away for a second to glance at Morr who was grinding her hips onto Feyre’s in front of you, a coy look on her face as she silently nodded at you, silently approving whatever it was you were doing. To be honest, you didn’t even know yourself, all you knew was you were playing with fire, ready to get burned in the process. You gyrated your hips back into the male behind you, moving your neck to the side as he started sucking on the exposed skin, all while staring over at Az whose shadows started darting around his body in a dangerous way. Azriel’s face darkened, his entire aura had turned murderous, a look that you had only seen him give to his enemies was now directed at you, moreso directed at the male behind you. A thrill filled you, butterflies filling your stomach. A flush was making its way up your chest, past your neck, to your cheeks. 

“Make him grovel sister” 

The male you are dancing with moaned softly into your ear, “You are the most beautiful female I have ever seen.” You broke your gaze with Az, twirled to face the mystery male, and wrapped both your arms around his neck, “I bet you say that to any female you meet.” The male was undeniably gorgeous, as any fae male is: he was tall with broad shoulders, blonde hair slicked back, cerulean blue eyes staring into yours. His hands moved down to your hips, and slightly brushed over your ass. “No, just you sexy.” A smug look on his face as you openly gaped back, “What’s your name handsome?” He leaned his head forward and whispered into your ear making your body shiver, “My name is Jasper.” Silently, he tugged your hips against his, lowering his eyes to your lips, up to your eyes, and back down to your lips. Before you could say anything, he pulled you in for a hard kiss, pressing his hand into your lower back, the other groping your ass. A gasp had left your lips, the opening of your mouth allowing him to practically shoved his tongue into your mouth. You didn’t even have time to think, time to comprehend what he was doing, time to pull back, you could only hear a large growl sound through the crowd. Your body was suddenly torn from Jasper, almost knocking you to the floor with the strength at which you had been yanked away. Another gasp left your now swollen lips, your gaze focused on Jasper who had been knocked onto the floor landing with a hard thud, before your view is obstructed by a tall dark figure, “Did she say you could fucking kiss her?” he snarled out. 

His chest was heaving as Azriel stood in front of you, eyes filled with rage, chest heaving as if he had just flown all the way from the autumn court to here without any breaks. The rest of the bar had gone silent, you could practically hear a pin drop if it did. Everyone had moved out of Az’s way, everyone had shut up, everyone now stared at you three in the middle of the dance floor, watching to see what the deadly spymaster would do to the poor male who was staring up at him, terrified, from the ground, clutching his nose that is now pouring blood. In that moment, it had registered that when Azriel had shoved you away from Jasper and behind him, the shadowsinger had punched the male hard, hard enough to break his nose, hard enough to knock him to the ground, and yet, you knew he was holding back. Because if Azriel had put his full strength into that punch, Jasper would be fucking dead. 

“Make him grovel, sister.” This was certainly not what you fucking meant.

Once the initial shock had passed over you, unbridled rage spilled into your core, spreading out to your extremities. How fucking dare he? How dare he fucking make a scene in front of everyone? How dare he step in like that? Who the fuck does he think he is? One second he is acting like he can’t give you the time of day too focused on Elain, and the next, he is acting like you are the only thing that has ever mattered; it’s giving you fucking whiplash, and you are sick of it. Your eyes burn with a fresh set of tears, bile rising in your throat, your hand shot out to grip Azriel’s arm tight enough to cut off circulation, and darkness encircled you both. 

One second you were standing in the middle of Rita’s, the next you were standing in your apartment having winnowed the both of you, unintentionally, away. He ripped his arm away from yours, whipping his body around to face you, his hazel iris’ practically blackened from his wrath. The fucking audacity. Your own eyes steeled over staring right back up at him. The silence in your home was broken by both of your heaving breaths, sharp inhales and sharp exhales, trying to calm the rage that had filled both of you. You were biting your lip hard enough to draw blood, your nails were digging into your palms pulled into fists so tightly, they were sure to leave indents. 

Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. 

It wasn’t enough. Nothing was enough. Nothing was enough to stop the fury that spilled out of you, the sound of breaths replaced by the scream that left your red, swollen lips, “What the absolute fuck do you think you are doing?”

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

Taglist: @paasrin @positivewitch @fieldofdaisiies @judig92 @sv0430 @highlady-ofillyria @wrensical003 @brekkershadowsinger  @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @mrs-azriel @cityofidek @nova-stardragon @thewarriormoon @ilovespideyyy @azzydaddy @bookish-dream @nobody00sthings @marigold-morelli @solossweater @rubygirly @hanasakr @ellievickstar @shadowcrowsworld @lucyysthings @cameronsails (If you were crossed out, I was unable to tag, I am so sorry) 

[superthatguy62]

Villain Talk: Xande

Final Fantasy has a smorgasbord of villains in its roster. You have the morally complex such as emperors who seek to unshackle humanity from the gods or whatever, to the intelligent, nihilistic and possessing a wicked sense of humor to even more simpler cases like a man that is actually a tree stuffed full of evil spirits. However, if one were to look at the villains as a whole, who would be the weakest link? The bad egg? The one that isn’t up to snuff? With such a strong set of rouges, surely it must be difficult to deter It’s Xande. I like the guy, but it’s Xande.

General

Xande suffers, more than anything, from the format of the game, in that it isn’t very story-oriented. Final Fantasy 3 would be akin to a monster of the week show; one with the occasional plot development until the season finale. Xande is basically the Dr. Tomoe or Rita Repulsa to the main characters’ Sailor Scouts or Power Rangers respectively, except that they don’t show him sending the monsters and also a significant chunk of those monsters may not even be his.

Overall, Xande suffers from three issues as a villain:

Lack Of Impact

Final Fantasy villains usually have some major impact or effect on the world in some fashion. Chaos and his four fiends messed with the elemental crystals, throwing the world into ruin (among other things). The Palamecia Empire laid waste to the rest of the world. Golbez used Baron’s forces to attack its neighbors and steal their crystals, alongside other attacks. ExDeath is a war criminal in Galuf’s world and begins tossing places into the Void when he gains power over it. Most of the characters in VI are victimized in some way by the Gestahl Empire and things only get worse when Kekfa ascends to godhood. And then, there is Xande. It’d be a lie to say that Xande didn’t impact his world; He caused the Great Earthquake after all. But, overall Xande somehow still feels like he lacks impact despite it. The Great Earthquake causes problems, but most of them are easily reversible. Additionally, most of the problems it caused were indirect rather than being intentional on Xande’s part. The surface is even worse as that is totally fine after it is revived. To illustrate this, here is each boss in the game with a ranking: X means that Xande intentionally sent them (or is implied to), E means that they were a side-effect of the earthquake, meaning that Xande only inadvertently had a hand in their creation, and I means that there is no clear evidence that they were involved with Xande. Land Turtle – X (?) Djinn – E Giant Rat – I (The Giant Rat is guarding the Nepto Dragon’s eye, but I don’t recall any evidence that Xande or the earthquake made it evil). Medusa – X Gutsco/Salamander – I Hein – E Kraken – X Goldor – I Garuda – I (There is no evidence that Xande resurrected Garuda.) Hecantoncheir – I (Hecantoncheir’s dialogue suggests that it is the fang’s guardian,) Titan - X

This count is not counting the Eureka or Summon bosses. It is also not counting Doga and Unei, who fight the party explicitly to prepare them for Xande. As one can see, Xande has his own equivalent to the four fiends. But whereas Golbez and Garland’s fiends actually accomplish significant tasks, only half of Xande’s fiends do so: Medusa causing the Tower of Owen’s furnace to go haywire and Kraken attacking the water crystal, forcing the water maidens to seal it. During the story, two of the Warriors of Lights’ allies sacrifice themselves, but only one stays dead. Everything else is either a side effect of Xande’s messing about or not even connected to him to begin with. This is partially a side effect of FFIII’s desired narrative: A rather light-hearted adventure with not much of an overall plot. Thus, most of the issues on the Floating Continent are reversible, the Water Crystal dilemma aside the surface is mostly ok and the only major defined threat to the world pops up at the very end.

Lack of Presence

In a different way from the previous section. Final Fantasy antagonists usually make multiple appearances in their games, usually in some way that gives them a major impact. Garland works in a twist villain/book ends fashion. The Emperor already has his army and warmachines and even baits the party into fighting in his colosseum. Golbez started the trend of villains confronting the main characters multiple times over the course of the game, which ExDeath and Kefka continue.

And then, again, there’s Xande. It should be noted that Xande is a trend-setter in that he’s the first Final Fantasy villain with something approaching a fleshed out backstory; Garland’s backstory is vague and The Emperor’s is only given the questionably-canon “Final Fantasy 2: Labyrinth of Nightmares” novel. Xande’s motive for why he’s doing what he’s doing is actually explained within the game itself. In spite of this aspect of Xande being fleshed out, the rest can’t be said for the rest of him. Xande’s only appearance is at the end of the game, first gloating about how the Warriors of the Light have fallen for his trap, and then being fought. Even Garland, by virtue of being a twist villain, actually appears prior to confronting him in the past. Xande is pretty much an outlier in never making an appearance prior to the final battle. While it isn’t impossible for villains to make a strong impression despite a lack of screentime, Xande doesn’t have that either. He’s treated as just another boss, complete with having the standard boss theme. Given the context of the era, it kinda does still work as a fake out; FFII only had one boss theme after all. But given that II did toy around with giving the Emperor his own boss theme, and the Cloud of Darkness has its boss theme, Xande kinda draws the short end of the stick. To give the devs a bit of credit (or maybe not), a design doc in the Ultimania suggests that Xande was intended to get his own musical theme, but it didn’t pan out.

Lack of Connection

Final Fantasy has a habit of making their hero-villain dynamics personal. The Warriors of Light found themselves locked into a time loop with Garland, constantly killing each other. Firion, Maria and Guy lost their home and their family to the Empire, most notably their brother Leon. Cecil loses his position as leader of the Red Wings to Golbez, who has the king replaced with one of his own men and constantly toys with him, to say nothing of the reveal. ExDeath was the personal nemesis of Galuf and his team, and Bartz happens to be the son of one of those team members. While not everyone was personally victimized by the Gestahl Empire, a majority of the party were affected by it in some way, shape or form. And then, yet again, there is Xande. If there is a question of which hero/villain combo has the least connection to each other, it’d be hard to beat Xande and the Onion Knights.. Now, that’s not to say that none exists: Xande is responsible for the deaths of Aria, Doga and Unei at the end of the day (indeed, Opera Omnia leans into that to explain why Onion Knight is hesitant to use Xande’s dimensional coordinates i.e. use him in the party). But due to the nature of III’s plot, Xande doesn’t really have any sort of ‘fated relationship’ with them like the other protagonists. You could argue that them being Doga and Unei’s proteges makes up for it, but that only happens at the last fourth of the game. For all intents and purposes, Xande gets killed by four random kids. It’s entertainingly pathetic when you think about it.

So, Xande may lack all of these things, but so what? Garland and the Emperor were both lacklustre in initial appearances before appearing in spinoffs to get more refined. Xande just needs to show up in something like Dissidia and-

The Cloud of Darkness

The Cloud of Darkness is the prototype of the “Giant Space Flea From Nowhere” type of Final Fantasy final boss. These are bosses that come out of nowhere at the end of the game, sometimes as a physical manifestation of the game’s themes. In the Cloud of Darkness’ case, it is an emissary of The Void; the recurring force of nothingness throughout the Final Fantasy series. While the Void featured very prominently in Final Fantasy V, Final Fantasy III was the first game to introduce the concept, albeit making it out to be more of a natural phenomenon. The Void is the force from which both the light world and the dark world emerged from and, based on the Warriors of Darkness’ words, the force that they will someday return to. The game is somewhat vague on the specifics, but it’s implied that in the process the worlds of light and dark merge, or something. In any case, The Cloud of Darkness appears whenever the balance between Light and Dark gets too unbalanced and goes about returning the world to the void, regardless of whether its time or not. It’s implied that the Warriors of the Dark had to fight it during the Wrath of Light and, thanks to Xande, it’s the Warriors of the Light’s turn to do so now. As an aside, the Ultimania reveals that the Cloud of Darkness was originally more closely tied to Xande, being created by the mage via the Dark Crystals (explaining why the WoLs go around to each and releases them from the Cloud’s control). On a more speculatory note, Xande was intended to be a woman, calling into question the possibility of the CoD being modeled after him/her, but no artwork of Xande from that stage is suggested to exist, so this is just a theory. Regardless of what could’ve been, the Cloud of Darkness makes for a significant impression compared to Xande. Its first appearance has it kill your party, it is the reason for III’s infamous final boss gauntlet, it even has a unique effect in the original game where its sprite colors change over the course of the encounters. That plus the game’s scale and stakes become much higher once it gets involved. So, for all of those reasons, it is of no surprise that the Cloud of Darkness became FF3’s go-to villain representative. It appeared in Dissidia as Onion Knight’s rival and retains this role in later appearances, especially in Opera Omnia where it [REDACTED DUE TO SPOILERS]. This on top of featuring in other games such as FFXI. All of this is well and good, but the Cloud of Darkness only enters the story at the very end. Poor Xande got the short end of the stick. So with all of that in mind: What about the remake? The 3D remake expanded on the story of Final Fantasy III, and while most know of the main protagonists, what about the other characters, most particularly Xande? Golbez got quite the glow-up in the FFIV 3D remake, with the backstory flashbacks. What about Xande? Is he improved? …Kinda?

Remake Xande

The FF3 remake makes a number of changes to the game’s plot and Xande honestly benefited from it. That’s not to say he’s a better villain per say, but he’s quite improved. Xande still lacks presence, but these aren’t as much of a problem due to the game’s script changes. Instead, Xande is something of a Red Herring. But before we can talk about that, we must talk about a way Xande improved: 

Consistency. In the original FFIII, Xande’s overall end goal was kept ambiguous. Sure he’s miffed about gaining mortality, but what does summoning the darkness have to do with it? Perhaps he was pulling a Kuja before Kuja existed: Xande knew he was going to die and decided that if he must go, then everything else is going with him. In the remake, however, this is reinterpreted. Xande messing with the balance is said to have caused time on the surface to cease. Why? Because he wanted to regain his immortality, and if freezing time was as close as he was ever going to get, then that’s fine by him. As a result of this, parts of the game were rewritten with this in mind. In particular (a point emphasized in unused content) the hints of the Flood of Light that we get implied something similar happened in the past: That the sun stopped moving, creating an eternal day. It’s implied that Xande basically did the opposite and created an eternal night. More subtly, the Curse of the Five Wyrms was also overhauled: In the original, the wyrm statues were actual wyrms that Xande intended to feed the frozen youths to. In the remake, the freezing in place is the curse itself, which thematically is similar to what Xande’s trying to do. Dude’s really into freezing stuff now. Even Xande’s lines before battle in the remake now make mention of his goal to gain eternal life. Also the main theme of the game is named “Eternal Wind”, so you know, maybe there’s something complementary there.

Connections

In terms of connections, Xande is also improved. Not only is the relationship between Doga, Unei and Xande emphasized a bit more from the former two’s perspective (again, more heavily in the unused text), but Xande’s actions actually have a direct impact on the four main characters, namely making them orphans that were raised by Topapa & Nina/Takka/King Sasune. Sure, the game doesn’t dwell heavily on it, but Xande is directly responsible for Luneth, Arc, Refia and Ingus being brought up by the people they ended up with. Maybe spinoffs like Opera Omnia can call more attention this- Oh. Right. Despite my grumbling, it’s clear that the remake’s portrayal of Xande influenced Opera Omnia’s take, with Xande’s desire for immortality being his primary motive, contrasted with Seymour’s belief that death is Really Great, You Guys.

Impact

In terms of Impact, the remake makes some key decisions: For starters, Xande’s act of stopping time was so unnatural that it caused the floating continent to ascend into the air. It’s implied that Owen had to repurpose his tech to ensure that the continent stayed up rather than falling to the ground, which in turn led to Desch being sealed away. This in contrast with the Famicom version where the Floating Continent was an Ancients project and Desch was sealed during the flood of light. And, of course, Cid is hinted to be from Saronia in this continuity, and some NPCs mention his disappearance. But I mentioned that Xande was a red herring, didn’t I? And while those aspects are good, how exactly is Xande a better villain? Well, that’s the thing. While the remake doesn’t change the amount of agency Xande has (on the contrary, it actually removes it), it actually does do so for the Cloud of Darkness. Xande is reinterpreted as a red herring; The party assumes for most of the game (or at least, the part where they’re aware of his existence) that Xande is behind all of the shenanigans up to that point. However, Unei notes that while she dodged the time stop due to being in the dream world, she noticed a great evil caused the earthquake on the Floating Continent. She then notes that Xande couldn’t have done it; He was busy being frozen like everyone else.

This is further cashed in by the Warriors of Darkness, who note that Xande fell under the control of the Cloud of Darkness and reveal that it was the one who sent the monsters to sink the Floating Continent. Xande himself still screwed up though as he was the one who inadvertently summoned it in the first place. The Famicom version does note that Xande himself was a puppet to the darkness, but goes no further than that. So yeah, the remake made Xande better. By not making him the main villain.

These days, Xande has seen a resurgence in use: He appeared in Brave Exvius as a Vision, he got a counterpart/reinterpretation in Final Fantasy XIV’s Syrcus Tower raids and he appears in Dissidia Final Fantasy Opera Omnia as a party member and recurring antagonist. While he is arguably still an underrated character and it could still be better, he is getting more love from SE now than he has been for a while.

[aceconnorhawke]

Rita x Rouge friends to enemies to lovers

[lexotanmerlin]

Lex # 5046

♥Hair: Wasabi // Wasabi // Wren Hair – Absolute Pack by MissAllSunday Lemon + Rouge Darcy @ Anthem  ♥Head: LeLUTKA Avalon Head 3.1 by jaden.nova ♥Body: eBODY – REBORN – by eBODY ♥Skin: DeeTaleZ *SKINS – SPECIALSPACK* EVOX – Rita FLF – EASTERN ♥Body skin: VELOUR x VENUS for EBODY REBORN (SUNKISS) ♥Tattoo: Fewness – Your Sign – Cancer by Fewn Daddy ♥Tattoo: Puddles. Zodiac Tattoos by Veronica…

[chrancecriber]

Antenne Vorarlberg Chillout Lounge (July 29, 2023)

23:58 Calvin Harris & Disciples - How Deep Is Your Love 23:55 Kush Kush & Sickmellow Feat. Kazhi - Blacklight 23:48 Beyhude - Alabora 23:42 Orbient - Transition 23:40 Leony - Faded Love (Noøn Remix) 23:33 John Kah - Carina (Enui Remix) 23:28 Nebu Mitte Feat. Jaselle - With You (Oriano Remix) 23:25 Tiscore - Fire To Smoke 23:21 Blank & Jones - Summer Sky 23:19 Tiësto & Ty Dolla $ign - The Business, Pt. Ii 23:15 Above & Beyond Feat. Justine Suissa - Little Something 23:12 Alok, Bruno Martini, Featuring Zeeba - Hear Me Now 23:08 Above & Beyond - The Inconsistency Principle 23:06 Feder & Ofenbach Feat. Dawty Music - Call Me Papi 23:03 Lucy Neville - Fall At Your Feet 23:00 Mike Candys - Sky (Club Mix) 22:57 York - On The Beach (Kryder & Jenjammin Sax Edit) 22:53 Nora En Pure Feat. Tim Morrison - Come Away 22:49 Tomas Skyldeberg - Chillin With You 22:44 Christopher Von Deylen - Free 22:38 Moby - Natural Blues (Lulu Rouge Vs Stella Polaris Remix) 22:36 Nora Van Elken - Let It Go 22:28 A Sagittariun, Skip Mcdonald - Crystallization Feat. Skip Mcdonald (Original Mix) 22:26 Gil Glaze Feat. Dante Thomas - West La 22:23 Blank & Jones - Coastline 22:19 Mario & Vidis Feat. Jazzu - I'll Be Gone 22:15 Lstn - Undecided 22:13 Carstn, Jason Walker - Could You Love Me (Munich Monstrs Remix) 22:09 Sam Feldt Feat. Deepend & Teemu - Runaways 22:05 Dreamerproject - Horizons (Glenn Main Remix) 22:02 Nightcall X Henri Purnell Feat. Eke - When The Morning Breaks 21:57 Atb - We Belong 21:55 Felix Jaehn & The Stickmen Project Feat. Calum Scott - Rain In Ibiza 21:52 Lucas Estrada & Henri Purnell & Neimy - In My Fantasy 21:49 Gamper - Bittersweet Symphony 21:46 Vinai - Hide Away 21:43 Van Dresen, Akki & Monteur Feat. Christina Novelli - Beautiful 21:40 Nora Van Elken - Mount Fuji 21:34 Röyksopp Feat. Susanne Sundfør - If You Want Me 21:31 Avicii - For A Better Day 21:23 Martin Roth - An Analog Guy In A Digital World 21:21 Rita Ora - You Only Love Me 21:14 Chicane - Offshore 21:08 Christopher Von Deylen - Euphoria 21:05 Gibbs - Waiting For Lonely 20:58 Joris Voorn - Ringo 20:49 Dino Lenny Feat. Artbat - Sand In Your Shoes 20:46 Daniel Portman - Sensual Desires 20:39 Humate - 3.2 (Bedrock Ambient Mix) 20:32 Valeron - Jamal 20:27 Puremusic - Unsaid (State Azure Remix) 20:22 Lamb - Wonder 20:15 Rodg - Heights 20:12 Ed Sheeran - Photograph (Felix Jaehn Remix) 20:06 Anrey - The Forgotten (Extended Mix) 20:03 Ambyion - Motion 19:57 Alexander Remus Feat. Liza Flume - Sheets 19:54 Sono - Trusting You 19:50 Robin Schulz - Never Know Me (Radio Mix) 19:47 Blank & Jones - Love From The Start (Original Mix) 19:45 Cotone - Faded Glory 19:42 Kai Schwarz, Cayus & Yass - My Love Is Your Love 19:37 Kungs Feat. R I T U A L - You Remain 19:33 Cecilia Krull - Agnus Dei (Benny Benassi & Bb Team Remix) 19:30 Disciples - On My Mind 19:26 Jako Diaz & Margret - Mirror 19:23 Junge, Junge Feat. Jamie Hartma - Wicked Hearts 19:18 Lissat & Voltaxx Feat. Jennifer Kae - Sweet Love (Extended Mix) 19:13 Victoriya - Nothing Remains 19:09 Neptune & Moonnight - I Need A New Love (Original Mix) 19:04 White Elephant - Sir John 19:02 Viva La Panda, Finding Molly - Chances 18:58 Bronson Feat. Lau.ra - Heart Attack 18:55 Michael Gray & Shelly Poole - Borderline (Lee Muddy Baker Acoustic Mix) 18:51 Robin Schulz - Moonlit Sky (With The Void Pacific Choir) 18:46 Avira & Kiko Franco Feat. Nathan Nicholson) - Ocean 18:41 Aisen - Another Day 18:36 Blank & Jones - Twilight Moon 18:32 Velvet Lounge Project - In Harmony 18:28 Undressd - Forever Young 18:26 The Alan Parsons Project - The Turn Of A Friendly Card 18:22 Night Cruzer - Timeless 18:19 Together Alone - Let Go 18:12 Monolink - Otherside (Club Mix) 18:10 Jonas Blue Feat. Dakota - Fast Car 18:07 Lost Frequencies X James Arthur - Questions 18:03 Nora En Pure - Dry Sobbing 17:59 Jackson Feat. James Yuill - Love Love Love 17:56 Sofi Tukker X Mahmut Orhan - Forgive Me 17:53 Armin Van Buuren Feat. Jake Reese - Need You Now 17:47 Matvey Emerson - Luna 17:42 Scotty & Wilcox - Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (Wilcox Extended) 17:38 Morcheeba - Slow Down 17:36 Steve Forest, Te Pai - Never Gonna Give You Up 17:30 Exstra - Comet (Extended Mix) 17:24 Groovecatcher - Never Alone In New York 17:21 Sofi Tukker & John Summit - Sun Came Up (Radio) 17:17 Above & Beyond Feat. Zoe Johnston - We're All We Need 17:13 Saint Privat - Somebody To Love (Uko Remix) 17:08 Lyke - Stay With Me 17:01 Beyhude - Akasha 16:58 Kygo Feat. Ella Henderson - Here For You 16:55 Nore En Pure - In Your Eyes 16:52 Dennis Kruissen Feat. Liza Flume - Another Soul 16:47 Vargo - Get Back To Serénity (J. Bar Mix) 16:42 Valante - Rissa 16:39 Armin Van Buuren Feat. Josh Cumbee - Sunny Days (Original Mix) 16:35 Sans Souci - Condor 16:32 Eelke Kleijn - Midnight Affair (Samaha Slow Edit) 16:29 Dynoro Feat. Gigi D'agostino - In My Mind 16:25 The Hitmen - Turn Off The Lights 16:22 Robin Schulz Feat. Alida - In Your Eyes 16:19 The Underdog Project - Summer Jam 16:15 Kygo & Sasha Sloan - I'll Wait 16:13 Minelli, Filatov & Karas Remi - Rampampam 16:09 Maomakmaa - Unicorn (Remix By Jasmon) 16:01 Hraach - After Dark 15:58 Karsten Kiessling Feat. Helin - Fight Like A Lion 15:52 Kinobe - Lotus Eater 15:45 Julian Wassermann - People 15:42 Lost Frequencies Feat. Flynn - Recognise 15:40 Mount & Illian - Fool 15:36 P. Lion - Happy Children (Special Remastered ) 15:33 El Profesor - Busy Bye Bye 15:30 Glockenbach - Dirty Dancing 15:27 Amely & Lvndscape - Losing My Mind 15:23 Armin Van Buuren, Sharon Den Adel - In And Out Of Love (Lost Frequencies Remix) 15:20 Felix Jaehn Feat. Zoe Wees - Do It Better 15:17 Cyrillic Feat. Lara - Zero Gravitation 15:12 Gary B - Let You In 15:08 Lost Frequencies & Mathieu Koss - Don't Leave Me 15:06 Alok & Timmy Trumpet - Underwater Love (La Vision Remix) 15:01 Elmara - Training 14:57 Laniia - Fireflies 14:51 Hazy J - Silver 14:47 Elderbrook & Bob Moses - Inner Light 14:43 Julian Wassermann - Painfully 14:40 David Guetta Feat. Sam Martin - Dangerous 14:36 Passenger 10 - The Lonely Boy Who Wanted To Make Friends 14:32 Wave Wave Feat. Evie - Real 14:28 Chicane Feat. Bo Bruce - Still With Me 14:25 Chris Avedon - The Letter 14:21 Mousse T. - Boyfriend (Alle Farben Remix) 14:18 The Chainsmokers Feat. Daya - Don't Let Me Down 14:13 Goa Foundation - (I Just) Died In Your Arms Tonight 14:09 Nora En Pure - Tantrum 14:05 Bossasonic - Wicked Game 13:56 Christopher Von Deylen - Heaven Can Wait 13:53 Iberis Eguana - Sand Of Time 13:48 Rìfìs Du Sol - Next To Me 13:46 Lunax & Zana - Gone Tomorrow 13:37 Aural Float - Dreamer's Dream 13:35 Nathan Evans - Wellerman (220 Kid X Billen Ted Remix) 13:30 Blank & Jones - Sunshines Better (Feat. Mick Roach) 13:27 Depeche Mode - Freelove 13:24 Topic, Robin Schulz, Nico Santos, Paul Van Dyk - In Your Arms (For An Angel) 13:21 Gamper & Dadoni - Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! 13:18 Edx - Missing 13:15 Paratone - Time After Time 13:13 Avian Grays & Azteck - Endlessly 13:07 Uttara Kuru - Neyuki 13:03 Maxim Lany Feat. Freya Alley - Anymore 12:58 Massive Attack - Unfinished Sympathy 12:55 Winona Oak & Robin Schulz - Oxygen 12:50 Eelke Kleijn Feat. Diana Miro - You (Frankey & Sandrino Remix) 12:44 Spiller (Royksopp's Malselves Memorabililia Mix) - Cry Baby 12:41 Hallmann - Always Be 12:39 Christopher Von Deylen - She Never Told Him Her Name 12:34 Blank & Jones - Give It To Me 12:31 Younotus Feat. Chris Gelbuda - When I Think About You 12:28 Bernward Koch - Flowing Colors 12:24 Aromabar - Winter Pageant 12:21 Gamper & Dadoni - My Lovin' 12:17 Above & Beyond - Out Of Time (Original Mix) 12:14 Daniel Steidtmann - Annecy 12:10 Paul Oakenfold, Bolier, Luis Fonsi - The World Can Wait (Bolier Remix) 12:06 Schiller Mit Heppner - Dream Of You 12:04 Nto (Fr) Feat. Sofiane Pamart - Invisible (Piano Version) 12:00 Kyla La Grange - Cut Your Teeth 11:55 Massive Attack - Protection 11:51 Sons Of Maria - Elevate 11:47 Nora En Pure - Epiphany 11:44 Alle Farben - Berlin 11:37 David Hohme - Fear Less (Hraach Remix) 11:33 Christopher Von Deylen - Heliotrope 11:32 Sylvering - Is There Anybody Out There 11:26 Hakan Kayis, Furkan Sarikas, Cinar Gedizlioglu - A Night In Alacati (Original Mix) 11:22 Goldfish Feat. Nate Highfield & Dan Silver - Forever Free 11:16 Ian Pooley - Stonyridge Terrace 11:11 Deep Dive Corp. Feat. Dennis Le Gree - Water 11:06 Bob Marley - Is This Love (Montmartre Remix) 11:03 Daniel Steidtmann - Pigeon Lake 10:59 Armin Van Buuren & Avira - Illusion (Mixed) 10:55 Five Seasons - Her Almond Eyes 10:52 Tinlicker Feat. Nathan Nicholson - Be Here And Now 10:47 Schiller - Free The Dragon 10:43 The Weeknd Feat. Daft Punk - Starboy (Kygo Remix) 10:40 Dj Antoine Feat. Craig Smart - Good Vibes (Good Feeling) (Dj Antoine Vs Mad Mark 2k19 Mix) 10:37 Emily Burns - Im So Happy 10:31 Worldwide Groove Corporation - Besame Mucho 10:28 Hypnosis - Pulstar 10:25 Ck West & Sassi K - C Song 10:20 Jens Buchert - 1000 Miles 10:17 Olga Scheps - How Much Is The Fish? 10:12 2raumwohnung - 2 Von Millionen Von Sternen 10:08 Stepha Schweiger - When I Was A Bird 10:01 Firtz Kalkbrenner - Golden (Fideles Remix) 09:55 Afterlife - Breather 2000 09:52 Shaun Frank & Takis Feat. Shells - Don't Say I Love You 09:45 Nora En Pure - Oblivion (Extended Mix) 09:41 Sting - Mad About You 09:39 Jerome & Neptunica - High On Music 09:35 Nora Van Elken - Interstellar 09:31 Eelke Kleijn - The Big Chill (Original Mix) 09:23 Doyeq & Jay Medvedeva - Break Into My Walls (Armen Miran & Hraach Remix) 09:17 Röyksopp Feat. Susanne Sundførd - Oh, Lover 09:12 Phil Mison - Just Landed 09:06 Dale Anderson Feat. Anil Chawla - Pimento Grove 09:01 Schiller - Zukunft 08:58 Blank & Jones - Swept Away 08:55 Vize & Tom Gregory - Never Let Me Down 08:50 Espresso Del Lago - Ballet Or Sauna 08:46 Ac Venture - Penang Waltz (Roberto Sol Remix) 08:43 R3hab X Lukas Graham - Most People 08:40 Mark Ronson Feat. Miley Cyrus - Nothing Breaks Like A Heart 08:34 Beyhude - Rüzgar 08:30 Nora En Pure - World Of Rules 08:23 Insilent - Emagination (Layback Mix) 08:20 Clément Leroux - Memories 08:17 Lost Frequencies, Zonderling & Kelvin Jones - Love To Go 08:13 Lydmor - Money Towers 08:09 The Ocean Piano - Piano Mi Camino (Blue Wave Mix) 08:05 Armin Van Buuren, System F - Exhale (Tim Besamusca's Lounge Mix) 08:01 Dvine - Unknown Reality 07:58 Kamrad - Feel Alive 07:54 Kygo Feat. Maty Noyes - Stay 07:51 Raffa Fi - Ritmo 07:48 Kungs Feat. Jhart - Dopamine 07:42 Jazzamor - Je T'aime 07:38 Christopher Von Deylen - Infinity 07:34 Joachim Pastor Feat. Nathan Nicholson - Saint Louis 07:30 Lissa, Freddy Verano - Move Like Me 07:27 Möwe - Bad Intentions 07:25 Colorblast - Message In A Bottle (Colorblast Version) 07:20 De-phazz - True North 07:18 Mellowdy - Rise Up 07:12 Leftfield - Original 07:09 Milk & Sugar Feat. John Paul Young - Love Is In The Air 07:05 Blank & Jones Feat. Zoe Durrant - Erase Rewind 07:00 Mari Boine - Gula Gula (Chilluminati Mix) 06:58 Edx - Ecletric (Mixed) 06:51 Consolidation Feat. Moguai - Ode To Joy 06:46 Fous De La Mer - Aguas Blancas 06:43 Nora Van Elken - Honshu 06:41 Christopher Von Deylen - Arco Iris 06:36 Claptone Feat. Nathan Nicholson - Heartbeat 06:32 Lstn - Sïstër 06:29 Robin Schulz - Above The Clouds 06:23 Woolfy Vs. Projections - We Were There 06:19 Kid Massive, Yuji Ono, Dtale - Pray (Wolf Krew Remix) 06:14 Rue Du Soleil - La Francaise 06:11 Rene Rodrigezz & Tristan Henry - Let Me Go 06:07 Lucy Neville - Shameless 06:04 Madison Park, Beechkraft - Parts Of Me (Original Mix) 06:00 Klangkarussel & Poppy Baskcomb - This Love 05:58 Famba Feat. Brando & Mkla - Games We Play 05:53 Best Of Chillout Lounge - Sylt (Sensibar Mix) 05:51 Alok Feat. Alida - Love Again 05:47 Edx Feat. Jess Ball - Take Me Home 05:43 Loopaland - Born To Be Alive 05:36 Banderas - This Is Your Life (Easy Life Mix) 05:33 Pirra Feat. Lindstrøm & Prins Thomas Remix - Limousine Lies 05:29 Sean Bay, Mehdi Mouelhi Feat. Arabella - Maktoub 05:25 Sneaker Pimps - 6 Underground 05:21 Karsten Kiessling Feat. Zach Alwin - Live It Up (Peace, Live And Love Mix ) 05:18 Majestic & Boney M. - Rasputin 05:15 Zoe - C'est La Vie 05:12 Jazzamor - Song For Maggie 05:09 Mike Candys & Séb Mont - What's On Your Mind 05:06 Bolier & Arman Cekin - Fade Away (Feat. Rhi'n'b) 05:03 Tainted Youth Feat. Lucinda - Teardrops 04:59 Blank & Jones - Into The Sun 04:52 Monolink - Don't Hold Back 04:48 Groove Da Praia - Is This Love 04:43 Goldfish - Love Everlasting (Extended Mix) 04:38 Schiller X Tricia Mcteague - Miracle 04:33 Lux - Golden 04:29 Passenger 10 - Voices In Her Head 04:25 Guardner - All Right 04:20 Kidsø - Fir 04:18 Carstn & Ten Tonne Skeleton - Safety Dance 04:13 James Bright - Siempre 04:10 Dj Antoine & Dead-line - Shout 04:07 Trinix - Vision Deluxe 04:02 Moca - Flotter Tag 03:58 Audien - Blue 03:55 Gesaffelstein & The Weeknd - Lost In The Fire 03:50 Ingo Herrmann - Sundown 03:47 Nora Van Elken - Sumatra (Lstn Remix) 03:44 Shouse - Won't Forget You 03:41 Ofenbach - Be Mine 03:36 Mike Candys & Jack Holiday - La Serenissima 03:29 Francesco Rossi - Paper Aeroplane 03:25 Moby - My Only Love 03:22 Alok Feat. John Martin - Wherever You Go 03:18 Blank & Jones - Fallen 03:14 Swedish House Mafia & The Weeknd - Moth To A Flame 03:11 Above & Beyond Feat. Zoe Johnston - Treasure 03:07 Thievery Corporation Feat. Shana Halligan - Depth Of My Soul 03:00 Atb - No Fate 02:53 Nora En Pure - Cognitive Fadings (Club Mix) 02:49 Alex Christensen & The Berlin Orchestra - Infinity 02:46 Ofenbach & Ella Henderson - Hurricane 02:40 Rodriguez Jr. Feat. Liset Alea - What Is Real 02:33 Hird - Getting Closer 02:31 Tiësto - The Motto 02:26 Air - Talisman 02:24 Munich Monstrs - Shine 02:21 Blank & Jones Feat. Coralie Clément - Cest Mieux 02:17 Jazzamor - Way Back 02:12 Enui - Adieu (Arielle Lb Remix) 02:04 Blank & Jones - California Sunset 02:00 Kygo Feat. Kodaline - Raging 01:57 Klangperlenspiel - Fraction Of Your Love 01:53 Cats On Bricks Feat. Zach Alwin - Planes Over Ushuaia 01:47 Nora En Pure - Come With Me 01:44 Trinix - Soweto 01:41 Tom Staar & Cedric Gervais - Playing Games (Mixed) 01:37 Worm Is Green - Electron John 01:35 Kamrad - I Believe 01:31 Thomas Jack Feat. Nico & Vinz - Rivers 01:29 Le Shuuk Feat. Xilions - Goodbye 01:26 Loud Luxury And Frank Walker Feat. Stephen Puth - Like Gold 01:18 Framewerk - Electric Religion 01:15 Glockenbach Ft. Clockclock - Brooklyn 01:12 Robin Schulz & Alle Farben & Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Somewhere Over The Rainbow / What A Wonderful World 01:07 Schiller - Ultramarin 01:04 Topic Feat. Nico Santos) - Home (Alle Farben Remix) 01:00 Above & Beyond - Is It Love? (1001) (Original Mix) 00:55 The Chill Out Orchestra - Wish You Were Here 00:51 Blank & Jones Feat. Zoe Durrant - Adios Ayer 00:44 John Kah - Carina (Enui Remix) 00:38 Bloomfield - Boulevard St. Germain 00:34 Nora En Pure - Branches 00:28 Paji - Viola (Original Mix) 00:25 Rosa Linn - Snap 00:21 Lstn - Sky & Sand 00:17 Federico Aubele - Postales 00:14 Agatino Romero - I'm Feeling For You 00:12 Feder & Ofenbach Feat. Dawty Music - Call Me Papi 00:08 Sia - Alive 00:05 Chaël Feat Kaii - Don't Speak 00:02 Hein Klein & Cheyenne - Every Breath You Take

[jimiscribif]

in the silver age comics when Madame Rouge is grappling with her morality and kinda part of the Doom Patrol she is in a relationship with Niles Caulder (the Leader of the Doom Patrol)

Now in the tv show when Madame Rouge is grappling with her morality and part of the Doom Patrol she has a very close relationship with Rita (the Leader of the Doom Patrol), that is all...

[witchqueenlilith]

The many upcoming shenanigans of…

Michelle Gomez | Laura De Mille | Madame Rouge

[musical-chick-13]

[ladyorlandodream]

Internet, I love you for these little things

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[infernumlilith]

"And then they became girlfriends..."

If you know, you know...

[storiesofsvu]

Exile

Warnings: Language. Angst. Mentions of suicide, abuse/assault/the usual SVU stuff. Rita Calhoun x fem!reader Welp, we’ve gotten to the last square of thatesqcrush​ ‘s Vday bingo. Naturally this was the first song I instantly knew what I was going to write about but it took a full month to actually formulate itself. Don’t ask me why or how we ended this which such heavy angst, but here we are. Covers the “Exile” by Taylor Swift square.

**

Rita stepped out of the meeting room alongside Olivia, glancing around the bullpen. She’d just made a plea deal for her client with Barba and had been hoping to catch even just a moment with you before darting back to the office. Usually it was just you who was overworked and underpaid by the NYPD, but right now it seemed crime had decided to take a huge spike and both of you were incredibly overwhelmed with the amount of cases on your plates. She’d cut a few deals here and there but also knew the scale of defence that her clients deserved, or at least that they were paying for. It was safe to say that the apartment had begun to clutter with take out containers, the fridge empty and piles of paperwork scattered throughout (though it was separated, Rita’s in her office and yours in the kitchen). With the way your hours had been skewed with all the extra cases she felt like she hadn’t seen you in weeks, the bed empty and cold when she both got into and out of it.

“Porter here?” She asked the Captain, pausing briefly in the bull pen.

“Uh yeah.” Liv sighed, “bunk room. Was at the hospital all night, the vic freaked every time she tried to leave, I told her to try and get some sleep.”

“Thanks.” Rita gave a tilt of a nod before turning and heading to find you.

She slipped into the bunk room silently, glad to find that you were the only one in it. Not that it truly mattered, your relationship had been disclosed within the first week, and that was four years ago. She simply wanted a moment alone, a moment not surrounded by criminals and case files. As usual you were curled up in the far corner, wearing a far too large NYPD hoodie to try and stay cozy in the chilled room.

Rita lightly perched on the edge of the bed, gently smoothing your hair back from your face. Even in your sleep you looked absolutely exhausted, the bags under your eyes much darker than the last time she’d seen you. You stirred slightly at the warmth of her hand on your skin, thumb soothingly stroking across your cheek.

“Hi baby…” you murmured, melting into her touch, though your eyes stayed closed, trying to hold onto the very much needed sleep.

“You greet everyone like that?” She half teased and you grinned.

“No one in this building makes enough money to buy Baccarat Rouge.” You commented, mentioning her perfume and she snorted, rolling her eyes.

“Do you think you’ll be home tonight?”

“Dunno..” you sighed heavily, rolling onto your back as you cracked open your eyes, “it’s still all hands on deck and Liv just sent Rollins undercover.”

“Well don’t wear yourself out,” her hand stroked at the side of your face, “you look about a day away from burnout.”

“Hey, if it wasn’t for the Prada you’d look like crap too.”

“Please.” She scoffed.

“I mean it, when was the last time you ate?”

“On the way here. Picked up from Cornerstone, yours is on your desk.”

“Thank you.” Smiling, you pushed up to sitting, nuzzling into her side for a moment before giving her a tender kiss. “You really do look exhausted baby.”

“You know I don’t sleep as well when you’re not there. I worry about you.”

“I know.” You laid a kiss on her shoulder, “know that ninety percent of the time I’m not gallivanting after crooks in the street, I’m stuck doing paperwork.” She chuckled at that, relishing in the moment of a small embrace. Both of you trying to suck as much affection out of a stolen minute of time, it was only a matter of seconds before her phone went off and you both groaned out a sigh.

“Moraine just got here, time to go argue with Barba again.”

“Moraine?” Your face fell, “Rita….” she sighed again, stroking down your arm.

“I take it the vic you were with all night was for this case.”

“Yeah..and she’s nine”- you cut yourself off, pausing and shaking your head, “no. We made a deal…go do your job.”  You could see the unspoken words written in her eyes as she caressed your cheek, pulling you into a tender kiss.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” You murmured in reply, pecking her once more. “I’ll do my best to be home tonight.”

“Thank you.” She squeezed your hand as she stood, “now try and get some rest. I can’t have my girl looking like a mess.” She smirked and you rolled your eyes, dropping back down onto the bed again, curling around yourself, you were out before she even shut the door.

*

It was just hitting dinner time when Rita got the text that you wouldn’t be home, a single line with a brief ‘sorry’ at the end. She huffed in offence, her phone dropping down onto the desk of her home office before she ran her hands over her face. Half grumbling she pushed up from the chair, at least if you weren’t coming home she could work in the living room, the worry of keeping paperwork hidden not mattering anymore.

It wasn’t just the clipped message from you, or the lack of sleep, all of this overworking had nearly began to drive a wedge into your relationship. You missed each other constantly, hating that more than half the time you saw each other was in a courtroom or precinct, unable to show a drop of affection. Each day since becoming exclusive you’d fought for each other, knowing that it wasn’t going to be easy being a detective and a defence attorney who regularly worked together. That’s why you’d put the rule in place of not talking joint cases with each other, the first one had nearly blown up your relationship less than an month in.

Sighing, Rita poured herself a hefty glass of scotch. She moved your case files onto the small kitchen table and spread her paperwork across the island as she continued to scribble on legal pads. All she’d wanted was for you to actually come home tonight, able to bury into each other’s arms, zone out with some crappy television and actually fall asleep together again.

*

Not that you were having the time of your life or anything, and this time it wasn’t just paperwork. Lily, the vic from the Moraine case had been discharged from the hospital and they called SVU to figure shit out. Her father was her abuser, her Mom had died a few years back and there was no other family in the county. You’d originally sorted out a placement with child services, Lily waiting with you at the precinct while you went over some of the things she’d have to go through in the trial with Barba. Naturally, she threw far too big of a fit when they tried to take her, the exhausted agent simply let her go and said ‘deal with it’. Despite the guest room, you couldn’t exactly take her home where her Dad’s attorney was no doubt working through his case, so it was yet another night in the bunk room.

You got her down easily enough, staying with her until she was actually asleep, though she’d made you promise you’d stay in the room with her, not return to your desk. Not wanting to have to deal with another melt down, you decided paperwork by lamp light was the best option. Your floor of the precinct was empty except for the two of you and a desk sergeant who was rotating between floors. The final silence of the building seeped through your bones and before you knew it you were asleep on a case file.

*

Rita’s forehead furrowed at the sound of keys in the lock, her brow cocking up at the sight of you entering the apartment.

“Thought you weren’t coming home tonight.” She huffed in annoyance, turning her attention immediately back to her work. The sound of your keys being hastily thrown onto the island nearly caused her to jump,

“Hope you’re happy.” You grumbled, “your client’s off the hook. Lily killed herself.”

“What?” Her gaze shot up to you, concern and confusion written across her face, noting that you hadn’t moved from the opposite end of the island. “Did she leave a note?”

“Yeah.” You scoffed, “addressed specifically to me.”

“Sweetheart, you can’t blame yourself for this.”

“Don’t start Rita.” You shook your head, “I don’t blame myself here. I blame your client. He’s the asshole who did this!”

“We have a rule…” she half warned.

“Fuck the rule!” Your voice shook heavily, tears blurring into your eyes, every resolve within you cracking. “Your client raped and abused Lily for years! The thought of having to face him in a courtroom, having to go through every single horrible thing that he did to her…again…that’s what drove a nine year old to climb to the roof of the precinct and jump to her fucking death. .While I was supposed to be watching her. And now? The bastard gets to walk, or you’ll cut some bullshit deal and he’ll end up with probation when he should be charged with a fucking murder.”

“I’m just doing my job.” Rita’s voice hardened but you could hear the cracks within it. You both knew what was coming.

“And I’m doing mine.” You practically growled, “whatever.” You turned from the island, “I didn’t come home to break a rule and have a fight, I came to pick up a few things.”

“Are you going back to the precinct?”

“All things considered Liv sent me home, told me to take a day.”

Rita sighed shakily, her pen finding place on the counter as she spoke, her voice softer this time, enough that it made you stop in your tracks before you reached the hallway.

“I think I’ve seen this film before…and I didn’t like the ending.”

“Who were we kidding?” You turned back to her, tears in your eyes as your voice shook, “we’ve had to fight so fucking hard every goddamn day for the past four years to make this work.”

“We chose to not talk about joint cases and that left us hiding parts of ourselves from each other, there would alwaysbe some kind of secret keeping, a piece of our souls left unbeared.”

“We always walked a very thin line.”

“Are you sure?” Rita could barely meet your eye as she asked, her interior crumbling as she admitted to herself that this was probably a long time coming, even if you’d both chosen to ignore it, you didn’t even see the signs.

“God no!” You choked through a cry, “I want to be able to be open with you, I want to cry and have you tell me that it’s all going to be okay, that we’ll get the guy.”

“I can’t just drop this case. Or turn down my clients when they pop up in SVU investigations.”

“I know. And I’m not asking you to. I’ve never been one to villainize someone just because they work for the defence. But I can’t keep fighting for something that’s not complete…and it’s not fair for you to do so either.”

“I hope you know that I never wanted this day to come.” Rita cracked, tears slipping over her cheeks, “I simply hoped we would be able to ignore the elephant in the room until it legally couldn’t be brought up.”

“Spousal privilege would’ve just made it worse and you know it.” You swiped at your tears, swallowing down a sob, “I’m so sorry.”

“Me too.” She sniffled, closing her eyes for a moment to try and retain the tears, “you staying at Amanda’s?” You shook your head.

“She didn’t leave her keys. I’ll just book a room somewhere.”

“No.” Rita flipped her case files shut, piling up any work she knew she’d need, “I’ll go.”

“Rita I can afford a fucking hotel.”

There it was, the other branch of your relationship that had it nearly doomed from the start. Money. It wasn’t that you didn’t make a lot, or couldn’t afford things, it was just that you’d worked your way to where you were. You budgeted whereas Rita not only made bank at work, but came from family money, she had to nearly instantly scale back on the amount of small yet pricey gifts she started bringing you early on. You’d both learnt how to balance that branch out easier, but it was still always something that rocked the boat. Rita wanted to spoil you, treat you like the princess you were, and you saw it as barely anything over being a charity case.

She tucked the papers under her arm, swiping the half full glass of scotch as she hesitantly moved toward you, passing you the drink.

“It’s not about money, you deserve a night in your own bed. You’ve had way worse of a day than I did. You look like hell.” Now that she was up close she could really see the puffiness of your eyes, the smudged mascara underneath, there was a tiny splattering of blood on the hem of your shirt and she felt like she was breaking completely again. “Just give me a moment.”

Instead of moving down the hall, she froze, the sudden proximity of you to each other had you both second guessing everything. Along with the heightened emotions of the evening, the mental exhaustion you were both feeling, it made sense to want to fall into the other’s embrace. Instead it was an extended moment of your eyes meeting, tears streaking down your already tear stained cheeks, an incredibly wavering breath as Rita’s forehead met yours gently. A world of unspoken words rocking between you, heavy breaths and silent cries taking up the space before her hand softly cupped the back of your head and she laid a kiss on your forehead.

“I’m so, so sorry.” She murmured and you glanced up at her, hating that this was happening, but knowing it had to.

“I’ll never forget what we had.”

She opened her lips as if to reply but slowly blinked instead, swallowing back the words before hesitantly moving around you and down the hall. You sucked back a shaky breath, moving to brace yourself against the kitchen island, sipping back the amber liquid, relishing in the way it burned down your throat. As soon as Rita exited the bedroom and disappeared into the office you flitted down the hall, locking yourself in the ensuite bathroom, hoping the sound of the shower would cover up the sounds of your sobs, not having the strength left in you to actually say goodbye.

The shower didn’t help, the bathroom sharing a wall with the home office, Rita choking back her own cry as she quickly grabbed what she needed. Her eyes scanned the apartment one last time, gulping back a surge of emotion before she swung the door shut, making sure it was securely locked behind her. This wasn’t how she’d wanted today to go, it wasn’t how she wanted any day to go, but the longer she thought about it, the more she analyzed it, you were both lucky it didn’t blow up in a court room. And that you were able to break things off privately rather than in front of half the squad room.

*

You found out a day later that both Barba and Benson were as pissed and fired up about the situation as you were. Barba filed a few motions with a Judge and was able to get Lily’s suicide note admitted as a dying declaration, but they would need your testimony on top of it. Her testimony prep and conversations the night she’d jumped would pad the case with what they needed, along with the outcry statement you’d taken in the ambulance.

While you waited the week for the trial to start, you got used to finding small notes on your desk, a date and a time scrawled in Rita’s writing of when she was planning on coming by the apartment to collect more things. While you hadn’t discussed the bigger issues of splitting up physical belongings, it was still too painful for either of you, she still needed access to her stuff, and you weren’t about to keep her out. It was technically her apartment.

The day you had to take the stand you were an anxious disaster of a mess, your hands shaking as you accepted the coffee from Rafael. He’d wanted to go over a few more things last minute since you seemed pretty shaky and it was only when he snapped at you and noticed the tears in your eyes that he asked you what was really going on. You were surprised when you found out Rita hadn’t told him about the break up.

What surprised you even more was once he was finished your questioning while you were in the box was that Rita declared that ‘the defence has no questions for this witness.’ Your brow furrowed as you looked toward her table, actually looking at her for the first time since she’d left the apartment. In the brief second she barely met your eyes you could see the exhaustion, the sadness seeping through them and you wondered if she was doing this for you or for her own sanity. You knew she was a shark, she would know exactly what buttons to push to break you in front of the jury, make it seem like your entire testimony was a sham, especially on this case. All of two sentences was all it would take for her to turn back to her table with a smirk on her face knowing she’d won the case, but instead, the Judge cleared you to step down.

*

When the jury came back, Rita knew you were in the gallery, your hand probably clenched in Olivia’s since there was no victim or mother of the victim to comfort. You’d need each other on a day like today, awaiting the results, praying that this scumbag was being sent to prison, but she didn’t dare look back, keeping her eyes on the head juror. Her ears picked up the tell tale sounds of your boots on the floor, the squeak of the courtroom door the instant they announced not guilty…on all charges. Her heart plummeted into her stomach, she knew the people were stretching with the manslaughter charge, but for three years of abuse to go completely unjustified didn’t seem fair, even if it was her client.

She knew exactly where she would find you, over the years you’d both discovered a back hallway of the courthouse, one that had no offices lining it. It was a lonely place leading out to the side door when one needed to duck the press but knew there would likely be paparazzi waiting out the back. It was one that not a lot of people knew about. At first it became your little secret place to meet when you were working different cases, small giggles and secret kisses, stolen moments during a recess that you wouldn’t get otherwise. The heavier days it was a place where one of you would find the other, reminding them just how loved they were, how good at their job they were, and that it wasn’t their fault.

Today even the sound of her Manolo’s on the marble couldn’t pull your attention, your legs pulled up under you as you picked at your nails, staring off into space. The smell of her perfume filling your nose confirming the thought you already knew, that it was her standing in front of you.

“May I?” She asked softly, gesturing to the bench.

“Yeah.” You murmured, wiping away the tears on your cheek. She sat down with a heavy sigh, careful to not be too close to you but also not as if she was straying away.

“For what it’s worth…I didn’t think he was going to walk. Thought you guys had it in the bag.”

“Then why not cross me?” You turned your head, meeting her sorrowful gaze with your own.

“Because I would never exploit our personal relationship or my knowledge of your pain to win a case. You know that.”

“Guess I just thought….all things considered.” You shrugged, wiping another tear from your face.

“Just because we aren’t together anymore doesn’t mean that I don’t still love you.” It was all but a whisper, barely echoing against the hallway.

“I love you…I really do.” You glanced up at her again, “but…you’re not my homeland anymore.”

“I know.” Her eyes were glassy, her voice shook as she nodded, “I uh..need to swing by the apartment tomorrow, pick up a couple more things.”

“Don’t worry about it.” You untucked your legs, placing your feet back on the floor, “I found a place on the West side. I’m staying with Rollins til it’s ready.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” You swallowed back a breath, “it’s your apartment after all.” Rita couldn’t help it, her hand reaching out, squeezing reassuringly at your knee without even thinking about it, the contact nearly shattering both of your hearts all over again.

“I know that…gifts…were part of the problem, but…” her hand delved into her purse, pulling a small blue box from within, “these were supposed to be for Valentine’s Day.” Your hands daintily plucked it from hers, turning it around in your fingers as you drank it in, your now free hand naturally curved into hers, dropping down onto the bench.

“Thanks.” You murmured, tucking it into your blazer pocket, “yours is hiding in the bowl of the mix master.” The tiniest huff of a laugh puffed through her lips, knowing that anywhere within baking pans was the perfect place to keep something hidden from her.

“I’m sorry this had to end the way it did.”

“So am I.” Your phone pinged so loudly you almost jumped, glancing at it quickly, “that’s Benson…she’s waiting for me. I’m leaving out the side door.”

The two of you stood from the bench, your hand still clasped gently within Rita’s, your thumb rubbing at her knuckles as you turned to face each other. Before either of you could really process it her hand was caressing your cheek, your lips meeting in the world’s most tender kiss, a positive memory for you to both hold onto as you tried to move on with your lives. You took a breath, gathering your bearings as you dropped Rita’s hand, glancing up at her.

“We won’t forget each other, right?”

“Not in a million years.” She gave you the best smile she could muster up, but it didn’t meet her eyes. She did her best to stay strong, to not let the tears threatening to fall start, she still had to talk to the press, and you had to make it past your Captain without a line of extensive questioning.

“I guess…this really is good bye then?”

“Yeah.”

Rita remained tight lipped as you nodded, your lip quivering before you quickly turned from her, nearly jogging down the hallway. She watched you disappear down the stairs before the sound of the door dropping shut echoed throughout the empty space.

Taking a shuddering breath she shook her head, blinking back the tears hiding in her eyes, she still had a job to finish before she could head home. Once there she would be able to let it out, to finally accept that you were gone, that everything you’d once had together was no more. There was no amount of crying that she could do for you.

You were now part of each other’s history, though one that would sting for a very long time. The only thing harder than moving on while still regularly having to work alongside each other was having to say goodbye in the first place and it destroyed both of you even more.

[jfktalkstomeasacoin]

JFK’s Doom Patrol Review of S3E10

I’ll be honest, the middle of this season was a drag to get through. I wasn’t happy with the direction the show was going, I didn’t care about the new characters introduced, and I was ready to stop watching. I am glad to say that this season finale has changed my feelings.

I am a lot happier with everything that happened in this episode compared to every other this season. Instead of more “Sisterhood of discount X-Men”, we got compelling interpersonal drama between characters, like Rita and Rouge, Larry and Keeg. Plus, everyone is getting a good ending! Cliff and Jane are at a good place with each other! Rita is doing something other than being sassy! Madame Rouge is gonna get a redemption arc come S4! the only outliers in this are Vic and Larry.

Vic is a tough character for me to talk about this season. If It’s not obvious by know, I have lived a white experience in America (My genetic make-up is not entirely white but it’s a complicated issue and nun ya business). I have not faced racial discrimination in my life, and I don’t have many people in my life that have (not by choice), so I don’t believe I can give a meaningful statement about the scenes in this season that depict racial discrimination and what that does to a child. I would imagine however that the show tackled the topic well, given the few things I have read on the subject.

Larry in this season has been a rough watch for people who really like his dynamic with The Negative Spirit. I know that some have sworn of the show because of this, citing that it’s just not the same or more personal reasons. It’s not surprising that many would, because a large amount of people seem to really only enjoy Larry and his relationship with The Negative Spirit in this show (or at least an affinity for him that outmatches anyone else). For me personally, I enjoy the direction the writers are taking him and Keeg (Sidenote: I’m making a difference between the alien being inside Larry in S1-2 and the alien being in S3-beyond because I’m not sure they’re the same). I think Larry needs some love in his life that is parent/child based and Keeg is a good way to bring that to him.

This episode is so poetic to S1. When Vic tells Rita “We’re not heroes”, my eyes fell out of my head. I was so amazed when Rita stopped Cliff at the baseball game, not only being able to use her powers, not only being able to use her powers like in the comics, but the two of them saying the exact same lines to each other in the Pilot. Like poetry, they rhyme.

Sometimes i think about how this series will eventually end. What I wanted them to do before i saw this episode, is to finally be rewarded for doing something heroic. When asked who they are, they say, “We’re the Doom Patrol.”, Finally deciding that this is who they want to be. So when Rita started to talk about actually being a Superhero team, I leaned forward into my seat, waited for them to say exactly what i thought they would say, and then Cliff made a Doom Force joke. Funny, but my dreams were halted another day. For the best.

I will have to re watch this season again to make an accurate judgment of it, which probably means I’ll have to re watch the show again. For the 4th-5th time. Idk. Hard to keep track. Ta-Ta for now.