#ripbestfriend

[valentinepills]

The Timeline

A year ago in March 2020, I was newly returning back to work after recovering from a severe skin infection. I was on painkillers and several rounds of antibiotics throughout January and February 2020. It was a hard time recovering and for a second there, I thought I was going to die. My blood sugar was through the roof, inflammation and infection were forming a lethal combination. Emergency doctor was grateful I came in when I did because if I had waited any longer I would  have lost the battle. My vitals and condition were so unstable that the surgeon did not feel safe operating on me. I had to heal with medicine, quarantine and bed rest.

That took a hard hit to my finances. Behind in rent and bills. In late November in to December 2019 I was just out of work for 2 weeks with an unexplained condition with my lungs. My lungs were inflamed, I had a dry cough but no fluid being brought up. I had terrible night sweats and difficulty breathing. I was given antibiotics, anti-inflammatory medicine and steroids in addition to my daily inhaler and Ventolin inhaler for emergencies. So that's a timeline for ya.

NOV - DEC 2019 Lung Problems

JAN - FEB 2020 Skin Infection

FEB - MAR 2020 Return to Work

MAR 16, 2020 The World Shuts Down.

April comes and I'm hopeful. I begin cutting back on smoking cigarettes. I wasn't a heavy smoker to begin with, but I was definitely smoking 10-15 cigarettes on a bad day; 8-10 on a regular day. I remember saying to Martina and DJ,

"When I take my last puff, that's all it will be. I won't remember the day. I won't say to anyone that I've quit because they will remember. It'll be all they talk about but I don't want to hear any of it. Talking about smoking all the time doesn't help me."

Sometime in late May I took my last puff of a cigarette. I no longer desired to smoke and no longer craved the taste. I told no one and I have successfully overcome my addiction to cigarettes. I enjoyed a quiet birthday on May 29th and was hopeful that Summer would bring some more joy!

Start of Summer in to July 2020... Becoming pregnant should have been a happy occasion for an engaged couple. It wasn't for us. When I learned I was pregnant, my body was in distress. I didn't know what was happening, but my body was in pain. Everyday it got a little bit worse. At this point I had been cigarette free for about 2 months and I had no cycle for 2 months. Extreme Sciatica and Arthritis pain crippled me and suddenly I began seeing spots of blood. I was rushed to the emergency room and learned that I was 14 weeks pregnant. I was ordered to bed rest and limit my movement. We were thrilled but terrified. DJ's hours were cut, but I was working from home. We exhausted our funds to make bed rest as comfortable as possible. Mid July comes and at 16.5 weeks of pregnancy, I miscarried. My sac ripped. I was in so much pain. DJ's heart broke and my heart crumbled. I was looking at a 4 to 6 week recovery but in fact, it took 8 weeks for my body to return to normal. That's a timeline for ya.

APR - MAY 2020 Transition from Moderate to Non Smoker.

JUN - JUL 2020 Becomes Ill, Learns Shes Pregnant!

MID JULY 2020 Suffers Miscarriage

JULY - AUG 2020 Recovery from Miscarriage

SEP 2020 - DEC 2020 I'm recovered and preparing for the next obstacle in my way. My father became ill and was hospitalized. No one could visit him, but suddenly one day, they allowed my mother to go to his room. Nearly two weeks later, my mother tested positive for COVID-19. She battled that for weeks and while all of that was going on Martina had a health scare too in September. Things were going crazy everywhere. As we battled through Autumn, I dealt with my hearing becoming significantly worse. Wisdom Tooth, Jaw Joint and Ear Pain-Infection-Inflammation. Trying to visit a doctor in person was a struggle. I kept being denied an in-person appointment because of my symptoms. I call with symptoms, they make me do a test, I test negative but they would make me quarantine for 14 days and then I call again to make an in-person appointment because my symptoms have worsened... the cycle repeats. I ended up being rushed to the emergency room because I had chills, shakes, sweats and I couldn't hold my head up anymore. 14 days of antibiotics and drops. Finally got some relief.

JANUARY 2021 - CURRENT I was done with 2020. I didn't think things could get any worse until January 30th. My best friend unexpectedly died. Martina and I talked so much about our lives, our goals and our hardships. I always thought that because of my many illnesses that I would leave here first. She hated when we got on that subject but we talked about it in depth many times throughout our friendship. After the miscarriage, I told her I wasn't sure if I would ever become a mother. When Martina passed away after talking with our mutual mentor, confidant and former co-worker Mrs. McCreary, it occurred to me that my life may have an entirely different purpose than how I may have envisioned it to be.

I've spend these days and nights in mourning. The day Martina died, I wasn't aware that she had passed on that day but when I woke in the morning, I felt heavy and full of sorrow. I said to DJ, "Something is wrong but I don't know what it is. I feel it all in my body." At that time, I had no idea my friend had departed but my spirit knew. I spent that entire day focusing on improving what I thought was a mood. I woke up earlier than usual on Monday, preparing to log in for work. I wanted to talk to Martina but I learned she had died. Suddenly everything I felt that Saturday and Sunday made sense.

I talk to Martina out loud every morning, every day now. I know she can't respond but I believe that she can hear me. She always believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. The future brings more sorrow for me but also more clarity. Everyday I'm attuning to my goals. I know that I want to live for as long as possible. I want to be available and able; for me, for DJ and for all of our loved ones including Martina. Her children meant the world to her and if any one of them ever needed me for anything... I want to be available and able to be there for them.

I have a timeline for my future but I'm going to take my time, not waste time.

[xoxojean]

i just want to scream, nothing makes sense anymore

[darkcrownahsuareo]

One year goes by and still can’t believe you are gone and in Valhalla now. Yet, you are up there with our loved ones. I will see you again, brother. Until then save me a seat. #missyoubro #missyoubrother #rip #ripbrother #ripbestfriend (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CfQLLforhL6qzTYvqS92DlZCNHN9KuyQoyaibE0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[michele-rose]

“It's been a long day without you, my friend. And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again.” #restinpeace #oneyearanniversary #missyoubuddy #ripbestfriend #havefunupthere #guardianangel 💜👼🏼

[genesissiseneg]

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A post shared by Genesis Sol (@thegenesissol)

My best friend, my proxy daughter, my everything passed away 2 weeks ago the same morning as the comedy show I was producing. Since then I’ve been non-stop, doing shows and distracting myself, trying to hold the grief at bay. It’s been really hard. This is the last video I took of us together. I miss her so much. I’ve never met another dog that had the same personality as her and I don’t think I ever will again. RIP Whipped Cream 2008-2021. #rip #ripbestfriend #ripcreamy #ripwhippedcream #maltese #maltesepuppy #bestfriends #malteseofinstagram #bff #mansbestfriend #puppy #foreverpuppy #uglybestfriend #twoprettybestfriends #tiktok #tiktokaudios #marleyandme #dogsofinstagram #missyou #smallwhitedogs #restinpeace #whippedcream #griefjourney #whippedcreamthedog #grief #mentalhealth #griefsucks https://www.instagram.com/reel/CPwCGIVg-eV/?utm_medium=tumblr

[dreamzvlog]

I only knew you a year and a half Twitchy Beae but you changed my life forever, you made me happy and loved and you gave me and your mommy so many laughs and happy memories, I miss you so much baby and I hope you are running around and playing up there in heaven, we will NEVER forget you, you will be our baby forever, rest in peace my beautiful girl.. If anyone would like to donate to help us pay for her aftercare, it would be very much appreciated because it's almost three hundred dollars for her final resting place so please if you can help then please do. We have cash app and its $twitchyfund and we also have venmo and its @twitchyfund #ripbestfriend #rip #donate #helpingpaws #dogs #dog #puppy #furbaby https://www.instagram.com/p/BoulYjxneX7/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1mgztsjopmgep

[musicrosesrock]

I think Rocky loves his new bed! He stays close since he knows that one of his best friends is gone in doggy heaven 💔 #doglover #chihuaha #saddog #ripbestfriend

[mylifeasbrandi-blog1]

I miss my best friend so much it hurts..

Cant believe it's been almost 10 months..

#fuckherion #ripbestfriend #pain #myhearthurts

[jcmoreira1998]

RiP to the women that saved millions of life across the world, RiP to a person that never turned her back at any one. RiP to the person that was strong until her last breath. You mean so much for us Kally, you were here for us when we all needed you, and now we are all here to continue your work. We are here to continue your legacy. We are here to continue your story... I hope you find peace, and i really hope that you are really happy with all the help you provided along your life time. We will miss you so much, rest in peace xx We will always love you. CATRANISHFIN! #rip #ripbestfriend💔 #ripwitch #ripfamily

[blaringechoesofsilence]

#Repost Throwback to 4 years ago. Can't believe you're gone brother. Going to miss you so much and know that you'll always be remembered. Rest in peace 💔 #ripbestfriend #davidfarzin1994-2015 #memories

[dreamzvlog]

I only knew you a year and a half Twitchy Beae but you changed my life forever, you made me happy and loved and you gave me and your mommy so many laughs and happy memories, I miss you so much baby and I hope you are running around and playing up there in heaven, we will NEVER forget you, you will be our baby forever, rest in peace my beautiful girl.. If anyone would like to donate to help us pay for her aftercare, it would be very much appreciated because it's almost three hundred dollars for her final resting place so please if you can help then please do. We have cash app and its $twitchyfund and we also have venmo and its @twitchyfund #ripbestfriend #rip #donate #helpingpaws #dogs #dog #puppy #furbaby https://www.instagram.com/p/BoulWNOnYYt/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=yxqrhtm5vsys

[lovealwaysesmee-blog]

I know the heavens are celebrating right now, and I can't thank the universe enough for this day. As well as for blessing me with 10 amazing years and being able to call you my bestfriend/sister. Happy Birthday Micsy. Mi tica linda, te extraño inmensamente. 💔🙏 #ripbestfriend #foreverinmyheart (at ☁️☁️☁️)

[ayeeyoalexis]

Seven years.

11242007. The day my life changed. The day I lost the most important person in my life. Julian Alexander Nalos. I will never forget you. I will never forget that day. I swear I can remember it like it was yesterday & 7 years later I can still feel the pain in my heart when I think about it. I was 15, you were 22. You woke me up that morning, in my dream. The image I had before waking up was me & you hanging out. The minute I woke up I needed to hear your voice. Tell you "good morning" or to have a nice day & that I love you. But you didn't pick up. 5 minutes later my whole world shattered because that's when I found out that you died. Honestly to this day I still can't believe it. You were taken away from me in an instant & I didn't even get to say goodbye. I still haven't said goodbye. I can't. How would I? I know that you're up in heaven looking down on me & guiding me to a better future. I know I'm fucking up right now, but just know I'm trying my best. Please don't turn away from me & please don't stop putting your faith in me. I promise once I get all my funds settled I will visit you. Maybe that's when I'll say goodbye.... The first time we'll meet each other. There's so much I want to say but I can't get it out of me.... Please don't stop looking down on me. I seriously love you more than any guy out here. RIP Donut

[letmesaranadeyou]

Sometimes the universe decides to put someone in your life who brings such an overwhelming amount of joy and unconditional love. Someone who will always be your best friend and make you feel like the most important person in the world. Zorro, you came to me at a time in my life that I needed a best friend and continuously brought love to EVERYONE you met! Loosing a part of your family is forever hard, and honestly, I'm not okay. But I am a strong believer in everything happens for a reason, and I am indescribably grateful for having you in my life. R.I.P Best Friend.

[scream-vanessa-blog]

Happy 18th Birthday, Josue Alejandro Lopez! I hope youre having a great time in heaven. Today is your special day & although you aren't here to celebrate with all of us we feel your presence. It has been 18 months since youve massed & this is your second birthday in heaven. I want to go on & on about how much I miss you but today isnt going to be a sad, tearful day. It is your birthday. Yes, there will be tears because many of us still miss you dearly. But we will celebrate non the less. I miss you dearly & I love you more than anyone could possibly understand. Happy Birthday, Baby'Boy. #ripjosuealejandrolopez #ripjosuealexlopez #ripjosuelopez #ripjosue #riprisky #rip #mygaurdianangel #ripbestfriend

[saragotswagsb]

A year ago today I lost not only my best friend/ sister I lost a piece of my heart, one that can't be replaced. I miss our 2 person dance parties, and our trips to the liquor store in our Jammie's so we could get "breakfast" I miss how you'd call me everyday during my break just to see how my day was. I miss our adventures trying to chase down the corn man all around the west side. Fuck I miss everything about you. It hurts just as bad as it did a year ago. maybe even more #WeOnlyPartToMeetAgain #RipBestfriend #RipKP #TodaySucks #MissYou #ShuffleQueen #GonnaPoundA40ForYa #TheGoodDieYoung #INeedABeer #AngelBaby #WakeMeUpWhenSeptemberEnds #WhatsAHeadJob #KDP #LilBowPeepDisSwag #hashtagsSoLongTheyMakeYourHeadHurt